#(the one where wrex calls you out and tries to kill you on the citadel) (you kill him and then the news whitewashes it) (it's fucked up)

[alketaire]

my dissatisfaction with parts of veilguard has got me thinking back on the elements of paragon/renegade in mass effect that worked really well. and note that i'm speaking as somebody who only just did their first full renegade run, like, two months ago.

i feel like the differences would have seemed kind of trite if it had just been shown in the galactic politics or the battlefield. it's more impactful to me when it's the relationships and attitudes that change. it doesn't alter more than a handful of lines, but the lines are well-placed enough to show how your paragon or renegade words and actions have made the galaxy a better or worse place to be.

you play a mistrustful character who embraces "fuck you got mine" at every turn? months and years later, the characters don't trust you - or each other - as much as in a paragon run. you tell wrex that you believe the krogan can have a happy future? he fucking rediscovers joie de vivre.

and it's sort of buoyed by the fact that it's kind of rare for characters to outright call you an asshole when you act like an asshole. they just... take you at your word and go along with your story that the galaxy is a community or a competition.

i'm saying renegade shepard makes "the galaxy is a shitty place" into a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that's what i want to see from """"evil"""" dialogue choices. you know how to fucking do it, bioware. stop laying off the writers who know how to fucking do it.

[prettypinklass]

I will ALWAYS pick the Spacer background for Shepherd, because it's the only background where the commander has at least one living parent. With all the shit going on throughout the trilogy, I bet even the commander needs someone they'll know will support them no matter what. The kind of support only a parent can provide.

In honor of that, I have some headcanons for how Hannah Shepherd (Spacer Commander Shepherd's mother) feels about the events of the trilogy.

Hannah Shepherd Headcanons

Mass Effect

She couldn't be prouder. Her kid is a great officer.

And then she hears about the Eden Prime mission

Oh shit

How many times did she call? Probably at least ten times. No answer

She heard the story. Her child is accusing a decorated Spectre of attacking Eden Prime with the geth. Nobody believes them

She gets one call, and it's about a homeless guy on the Citadel. During your work hours.

Then she finds out they proved they were right, and not only did they get the spectre demoted? They got promoted in his place. And their first mission is to track down the demoted spectre.

She tries to call again. No answer. Her kid is probably busy so it's fine.

The most prominent thing she's heard throughout the alliance is complaints that in addition to LT. Alenko (a man she knows is a good officer, having met before) and Cheif Williams, they've recruited a former turian c-sec officer, a krogan mercenary, a Quarian on her pilgrimage (whom she's pretty sure is a teenager still), and an asari archeologist.

She hears stories, and then is stationed on one of the ships that arrives to help the Citadel. The ship they attack- Sovereign as she heard it called- is powerful and all she can think is "what the fuck has my child been doing"

She kills the spectre, they destroy the ship, and now your child has gotten a human onto the council.

You couldn't be prouder. You still haven't heard from them though.

Oh and that news story where she punched the reporter? You have the clip saved.

Mass Effect 2

Her child just got spaced.

FUCK

Hackett approved her leave and she spent more hours then she can count grieving.

They never recovered her child's body. There was a small service. Hackett mentioned something about a memorial for the Normandy.

Then.

She finds out her child is alive.

AND WORKING

FOR A PRO-HUMAN TERRORIST GROUP

WHAT THE FUCK MY CHILD

The stories are insane. Her kid has recruited more aliens, as well as a few criminals, and she hears from Alenko/Williams that they really are working for the pro human terrorist group, investigating the missing human colonies.

She decides she won't even bother trying to contact them. She's still processing that they're even alive.

Then she finds out they blew up a relay

And then they disappeared past the Omega 4 relay before the Alliance could catch them and press charges. Was that the suicide mission she kept hearing about?

Then her child emerges, triumphant and claiming that the collectors are dead.

They get grounded. She finally gets to talk to her briefly, and the conversation goes something like this:

"Sweetie."

"Hi mom."

"Start answering my fucking calls."

"Sorry mom."

"And next time, tell me you're alive and working for a terrorist group. I had to hear it from Alenko/Williams."

"Sorry mom."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"You're grounded."

"...Yeah, that's fair."

Oh and she saved the second clip of her child punching that reporter.

Mass Effect 3

And her kid was right all along. The reapers are here to kill everyone.

They've also been reinstated and have to play politician.

They try to keep in touch a little better. Sending her emails about what's happening.

She saves the third clip of them punching the reporter.

It's hell trying to build the crucible, but she's doing her best to help. The more her child does, the crazier things get.

Her child has cured the genophage and made peace between the krogan and turians, and apparently is an honorary krogan now??

She nearly shot the first rachni she saw on the crucible build site, but this asari lady, who claimed to be their friend, tells her that the rachni are here to help. Courtesy of her child.

She's 100% sure that her computer is bugged because not only are there ships showing up whenever they're low on supplies, SOMEONE keeps emailing her updates on the Normandy and her child, all "courtesy of the Shadow Broker". She's a bit worried her child is being stalked.

Then her child makes peace between Geth and Quarians. The Geth show up to help them build the crucible, and every single one of them seems ecstatic to meet the "Creator of Shepherd-Commander."

Mercenaries show up too, thanks to Aria T'Loak and her child. She still isn't sure how that happened.

The more her child does, the more creatures and people show up to help the war effort.

It's insane.

And she couldn't be prouder.

She gets an invitation one day. From her child.

Apparently, Admiral Anderson gave them his apartment and she's been invited to come over for a bit.

She jumps at this.

The meeting is awkward but she's too happy to see her child to care.

She finally meets her child's friends.

The former turian c sec officer, Garrus

The sarcastic brittle boned pilot, Joker

The Normandy SR-2's AI, EDI, (and she's pretty sure EDI and Joker have something going on)

Specialist Traynor

The krogan leader, Wrex, who cheers and slaps her a little too hard on the back

A tank bred Krogan, Grunt, who she immediately notices seems to think of her child as a parent. She has a krogan for a grandson.

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, who is no longer a teenahe quarian but a full admiral

The asari archeologist, Liara T'Soni, who has a drone for an assistant (and she's suspicious of being the Shadow Broker, based on how familiar she is with her)

An asari justicar, Samara, who is honored to meet you

A former Cerberus officer, Jacob

Miranda, who is a former cerberus officer and obviously isn't naturally that good looking.

Kasumi the master theif, who greets her by sneaking up behind and saying "hi".

Zaeed, a mercenary with a bad attitude

Finally, she meetw Jack. She remembers hearing about her, a former convict who is an extremely powerful and hateful biotic... who is now working as a teacher at Grissom Academy.

Where does her child meet these people??

Her child also tells her about Mordin, Thane and Legion

A salarian scientist who liked to sing

A drell assassin who was terminally ill, but saved the life of the Salarian councilor

And a geth, the geth that aided her in making peace between the Quarians and geth.

And then they tell you about this weird clone that tried to steal the Normandy and kill them.

She still doesn't understand that part.

Then, after all that, her child dies stopping the reapers.

She couldn't be prouder.

And she will always miss them.

[nothisis-ridiculous]

Take Me Home Now: Chapter Four

Chapter Four: But You See, it's Not Me

Set after the events of ME3.

A rewrite. Ao3.

FemShepxKaidan

"Get down! Get down! Get down!" Jane screamed as she charged across the field.

The blast rippled through the air, a torrent of flame following imperceptibly behind it, and with that sudden friction came the force of the explosion. Rubble, stones, dust, and ash flung across the square seconds after the detonation. Terse silence, then relief.

"Recruit!" the Lieutenant called, emerging from behind the barrier, "holy hell, Recruit?"

He scanned the intersection, frowning as the haze of ash obscured his vision. But it wasn't long before coughing guided him forward to his curled-up Recruit. One now covered in ash and with a few extra gashes but seemingly no worse for the wear. Those bright blue eyes looking more out of place against the black and grey backdrop of soot and crimson.

"I think we played that one a little close," he wavered on the humorous tone. Fighting their own wasn't comfortable for most soldiers, even if they had made it abundantly clear they were the enemy.

Jane grinned up at him, "I usually am not the charge setter. I just like the boom."

Fair enough. Perhaps he should have never questioned her mettle, the woman chomped on the bit to destroy this outpost the second she saw the gem-like logo tagged on the side of the building. Roy knew she had killed other humans since the Reapers were defeated, but seeing her ease at doing so in person was another matter. Most of his men, and himself, balked at the idea after weeks of working together against the Reaper threat. Now it was over -it felt sacrilegious to kill another member of his race... it was the first time he had killed another man. But here Jane was, taking it in stride, almost seeming to take it with gayety he couldn't fathom.

"That must be the human with the quad," for a hulking creature, the Krogan leader could be quite mellow at times, for what was expected out of him.

Strangely enough, Jane didn't share that same sentiment. She cowed in her own way, backing from the open hand that Wrex offered to her. Wrex instead lifted her by the arm, pulling the female in for closer inspection. The red eyes roved over her face and features, looking for something that he ultimately decided was not there. The Krogan set her down with a gentle jostle.

"Heh, I must still have my charm."

His recruit fought a wistful smile.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The cold night air prickled her skin, raising the fine hairs across her forearm. Her gaze followed it down and to the ground in the space between her crossed legs. It felt less immense looking at this space rather than up at the terrible presence that loomed over her—waiting to devour her.

"How does it feel to be invisible?" the mechanical voice now a caress gently easing into her thoughts, "those you called friends can't recognize you anymore."

She wasn't invisible, just tired. Scared. Lonely. Lost. Everything the Commander didn't feel.

"What is the legendary Commander without biotics? Fodder."

Each attempt she had made had wound up in her losing time. Each subsequent try meant more time and a migraine that intensified. If the migraine ever truly left the lingering stage, but it was something she knew better than to complain about. Nobody needed a reason to worry about her or find another reason to treat her like an outsider. That she couldn't complain about, she hadn't tried hard to be friendly. Instead preferring to remain on the periphery.

"Or is the legend of Shepard over? The husk that you are can't compare."

Or was it easier to relax? To let the burden fade from her shoulders? The crushing weight of everyone's hopes had been too much. Sleepless nights, nightmares, and anxiety permeated every aspect of the Commander's life. Questioning if she had done enough for the war effort, the sewage of her worries toxifying each moment of peace. Guilt over her time in Cereberus still proving to be a hurdle in any reconciliation of her being a basically good person.

It was a little easier being Jane. Not much was expected of her.

"Or are you the vessel of her guilt? The long-overdue penance for her crimes."

Most saw Shepard as the hero. But only because they didn't see the evils she had caused. Colonies. Planets. Friends. Synthetics. Her unit on Akuze. All gone because of her choices. Nobody had time during the war to examine the consequences of her actions. Would they not see them if Shepard simply died on the Citadel? The blame left to some figure that had at least the good sense to atone by dying for the galaxy?

It didn't make her choices better.

But it was less blame to assign to her.

"Whatever you are now isn't worthy of being deemed 'Savior.' You rejected your friend because you feared the face he would see, the nothing you are now."

"I see we're revisiting Harold," the warm voice a sudden break from the cold metallic," I don't understand it, this thing gives me the heebie-jeebies."

Roy's hand on her shoulder a strange grounding back into reality, back into the frigid night air. Her head turned to glance at him, as usual, he softly smiled, amber eyes viewing her with a hint of concern. A familiarity that thawed some of her walls.

"It's also freezing out here, but leave it up to you to be sitting out here. Alone," the chuckle arriving before his teasing, "brooding."

Jane huffed.

Roy's finger stroked the underside of her newest scar that ran along her chin; it was a curious thing with a slight glow, "you need to get this thing checked."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Finally, some respect."

"Don't let it fool you."

The LT sighed heavily in return, turning his head to the Reaper with a reflexive frown," Now, tell the Recruit to stay put for a moment."

Jane hadn't intended to move, but welcomed the checkered blanket that was placed tenderly around her shoulders all the same. Roy placed himself facing her, blocking out the view of the Old Machine. A green bottle finding its way into her hands.

"I can't take this."

"You're not taking it. You're helping me drink beer," he returned smoothly. Extending out his own drink in a toast.

"Well, what do you suggest?" her favorite person murmured. His eyes darting over her lips, but they only ever rested on her eyes. Inviting; her call to calm.

"I can't think of anything better than this moment right now," Mary lost her fight to keep his gaze, her cheeks dusting in red. The possibility of this vulnerable moment turning reared in her head.

"Shepard," Kaidan purred against her lips, pulling her form flush into him, "Shepard."

He didn't move to push the feathery kisses into serious territory, instead enjoying the closeness the two of them rarely got to enjoy. This openness was the prime offering, the exposed throat to be protected. Even rewarded in a way Mary wouldn't see as patronizing.

"Kaidan," Mary muttered, his name dropping as her vocal cords seized.

Kaidan would wait as many beats as she needed.

"This feels almost normal."

His rumbling laugh came fluidly, "what do I need to do to make this normal, normal? Besides ridding the universe of the Reapers, and singlehandedly wiping out Cerebrus."

The Commander considered it for a long moment, "you know that really uncomfortable position where I lay on your arm? I think that would feel more normal."

"Alright, Shepard," Kaidan returned with a grin, scooching both of them awkwardly until he laid on his side and Mary's head rested on his forearm, "anything else?"

The woman grinned bashfully, "no."

"Because you forgot the crappy vid, but it doesn't matter; we wouldn't have watched it anyway," his finger traced across the ridge of her nose.

"Why? Would we too busy, getting busy?"

He laughed again, "maybe. But you don't like to be still that long. You know, you'd have to learn to sit down and watch a vid with me one day."

"If you could refrain from making comments the entire time," Mary retorted smugly.

"Heh." There was a hesitation.

"If you've got something to say to me, Alenko."

His finger gently drew lines between the paths of her freckles, formulating the right words and deciding on a path between his hopes, "sounds like you are planning on keeping me around."

"I-," the sole thing keeping her head from turning away was the hand that cupped her cheek, "I'd like to learn to be normal with you. To have a regular life... with you. Christmases, birthdays... fucking Easter."

Kaidan knew he grinned like an idiot, his cheeks hurting from the width of his smile.

"Hey, kid, you look a little lost there," Roy called, snapping his fingers.

"Oh," she put the bottle to her lips, the somewhat warm liquid coating her mouth, "sorry."

He shrugged nonchalantly, taking his own generous sip. Overlooking the woman curiously.

"LT, I appreciate this, but," Jane struggled with the words, with the absolute coldness she was displaying, "why are you doing this?"

"It's Christmas," Roy stated simply.

So it was, "I'm sure you have better company. Even others that had invited-"

"I did, but don't make this isn't all about you," Roy had his own troubles. Most of them the people that clamored for his attention. Jane wasn't like that, he found her near hostility refreshing. A good break from the worries of being a caretaker for everyone in the building before him. Jane didn't ask for anything. "I am still not convinced I was the one most suitable to speak with that Krogan, Wrex. You seemed to get on with them."

"You got it done."

"We had an unlikely connection, and he's a reasonable person."

Jane shook her head, twisting and opening up her palms in a dismissive motion. Apparently, that was that and a done deal. Returning them to silence.

"I am curious, how does one know so much about aliens, guns, and farming?" He pressed after a moment. The finding of her knowledge of crops was the most surprising thing to learn about her to date. Not that she had deemed to share this openly; instead, he caught it by chance as the Salarian and the Recruit brainstormed the best irrigation and propagation methods with their limited supplies.

Jane's cheeks flushed, even in the dim light, "ahh, I had mentioned my parents were colonists, just not that they were farmers. I'm not an expert or anything. Being a teenager when they died, I had little real interest in it."

"And the aliens?" He wisely pushed away from the subject, already seeing the hints of her recoil. The bobbing of her throat becoming a recognizable tic.

"My postings saw me in diplomatic positions. I spent a considerable amount of time on the Citadel and visited most of the homeworlds of the major council species," Jane glanced to her right, a soft smile spreading on her face.

All considered this was a fucked time to be smiling. Upon further consideration, visiting wasn't the proper term either, she had been there to try and break a siege or to deal with some Reaper-related threat. The smile arose because of the memories of her crewmates, former and well... they were all former now.

"How did you end up so lucky?"

"Some hard work, but mostly luck," her expression darkened before returning to a neutral state.

He had so many more questions. But she had her reasons for not divulging further, for reasons nefarious or more likely classified, Jane kept mum. Pushing her further could only end in retreat.

"Any other fun talents you want to tell me about?"

"Nothing that entertaining," Jane chuckled, "though I'd like to know how you managed to stash beer."

Roy returned the chuckle with a wink, "my secret, Recruit."

"Fine," she smirked, "but what about you? I know you served, but what did you do before this?"

"I own an orchard. I used to be more involved with it. But as men my age do, we like to retire to a quiet life."

"So much for that," Jane murmured, earning another toast with the LT, "any family?"

"Yeah, an old lady, somewhere back home," Roy grew wistful, "I have a kid, too. Somewhere."

Jane knew that tone, the somberness a feeling she was only too familiar with. Much as he never asked about her troubles, she returned the favor. Most had lost something, if not everything in this short but brutal war.

The man picked himself up as he finished his beer, stashing both bottles into a pile of rubble to retrieve later.

"You should come back inside for dinner, word and smell is that someone made actual bread. Rolls."

Roy offered out his hand.

[dead-account-sadface]

this is a very long post and I've been proofreading a lot- but if I made any spelling or grammar mistakes I am sorry.

This is my personal ending to the ME3 trilogy, and this is meant to be a nice calm closure to my Shepard but I tried to make sure it can be inclusive to all Shepards if you like this ending or want to add to it! Because this is kinda designed as a 'happy ending' things might not seem as action packed to others.

I also thought about side things, what could be included if this was a game.

This is just something I thought about and I wanted to share. :)

I will be using they/them pronouns for Shepard to try to be more inclusive for your Shepard!

Context for my Shepard has it has influenced this ending- you can skip it if you want.

J. Shepard is a earthborn, sole survivor, Vanguard.

My sheaprd is full paragon for the most part- I can only remember picking like. 3 renegade options through out the entire series so she is mainly blue :)

Romanced Garrus in ME2/3

Saved the Rachni queen in ME1/3.

Saved Ashely in ME1.

Saved the Council.

Destroyed the Collector base and cut ties with Cerbrus. Rewrote the geth heretics.

Chose to kill the clone.

Got the Geth and the Quarians to work together.

Saved Wrex in ME1 and cured the genophage.

Felt extremely guilty over destroying the Alpha Relay.

Feels even worse about killing the Geth and EDI.

8000+ Glatic readiness, galaxy rebuilt and recovered quickly.

----

1-

The first breath we see Shepard take is soon followed by them briefly waking up. If they have a sole survivor background, they use what they learned on Azuke to set up an emergency signal from their omi tool before passing out. If they don't have that background then they remain unconscious.

No matter what though, Shepard is recovered by the STG, major Kirahee to be precise. (If he is not around, you are saved by an different unit.)

Due to the nature of the Citadel being taken, civilian forces were locked down and protected to avoid being hunted and turned into goo - after the war STG and Asari infiltration teams were sent to the Citadel to recover both living and dead. Shepard was considered a high priority to find dead or alive. Annnnddd they found them alive :)

2-

Earth and it's mass relay recovered quickly, and soon species headed back to their home systems to recover. STG/Salarian government offerd to take Shepard to one of their top private STG hospital on Sur'kesh that avoided the brunt of the reapers, after some convincing Shepard is sent there with some top Allience Medics and Dr. Chakwas. (if she survived)

The treatment they receive is top of the line, with funding from the Allience to ensure Shepard's survival.

Shepard's legs need to be amputated from being crushed under rubble, but the medics on site use some cell regrowth treatment mentioned in the memorial hospital in ME3. Shepard's implants from Cerbrus have become redundant, due to the blast. However, the reason Shepard could survive is that by the end their body naturally recovered over the months they were resurrected to where they are no longer needed. Implants are removed during recovery, physical therapy must be done when they recover, normal healing process. Ect. This process takes months at best, and Shepard is unconscious in a medically induced coma for the majority of it.

3-

Now the Normandy crew! The Jungle planet they crashed on was rich in resources, but there were issues for the dextro crew members in terms of rations. How high your GR was depends on how rough the Dextro crew had it. But they overcame it and fixed the Normandy. As soon as they left the planet's system they got the news about the state of the galaxy and Shepard's location to which they immidently plot the course to the STG facility.

4-

Shepard is still in a coma by the time they get there, and a majority of the crew do try to stay with Shepard during the recovery but later on the crew had to leave to their own planets to help their people. Only Liara, Dr. Chakwas, Joker and your LI remain by Shepard until they wake up. I personally like to imagine that while in the coma, Shepard has dreams like in 3 to do with the Leviathans.

5-

Shepard wakes up, with their LI by the end of their bed.

Soon after all those who stayed meet up with them.

They reunite and everyone is really happy :) no pain here :) but Shepard and the LI get in some conflict as Shepard is immediately trying to get back into the front lines with the Leviathans.

Shepard spills the beans and says why they picked destroy, it also weighs greatly on my Shepard- maybe not to others.

This links into why Shepard is hellbent on getting the Lethvians. In order to make those who sacrificed their lives not be in vain, the Leviathans must be destroyed before they can regain their power and indoctrinate the galaxy. Only once they are destroyed will peace finally be achieved.

LI finally gets on board and they are like; sigh. Damn OK but after this you are retiring.

Most of the remaning crew understands why Shepard picked destroy, but Joker does not and he gets unbelievably angry he leaves the Normandy as their pilot (temporarily) as soon as they dock to the Citadel. Shepard understands why he is angry and lets him go.

6-

Shepard and pals go to the council and ask for their aid- but this time Shepard gives them the extended brief on the Leviathans and that they want a way to destroy them.

The council agrees without much convincing due to Shepard saving them.

They come up with a plan to nuke the Leviathans' homeworld- they destroy the mass relay but they do it with a much, much more powerful bomb that wipes out the entire cluster, not just the system. The next cluter's Mass Relay is a little damaged from it... but nothing that can't be fixed.  Its a very top secret plan. And boom! Leviathans gone.

7. Shepard doesn't actually retire just yet, they are offered to be the human councilor but they reject it. Wanting to remain a specter. Offer is then extended to Admiral Hackett- he accepts it. Shepard becomes a advisor to the council at Hackett's request - but she is also promoted to the head of the Allience Fleet. Shepard then spends the remainder of their their with the Normandy and their crew, doing top missions for the allience as well as specter work. They do all the decision making for the Allience in the War Room and it's where they are seen most.

8-

At some point after they destroyed the Leviathans and between getting promoted- sheaprd has two options that can have two different outcomes. These are the the 'major' choices for the game.

1-

The Asari are facing discrimination for hiding the prothen AI even during the war.

If you choose paragon actions to vouche for the Asari- they will not be rejected as a whole but they have lost that superior image they always had. The Asari counciler will owe you a favour if you choose this action.

If you choose renegade actions, the asari will be pushed deeper into discrimination, loosing their council seat, not get hired and get fired from jobs outside of Asari space- becoming a 'fallen angel' of sorts. This leads to a lot of political unrest.

2

There's also a scene with joker, much like the quest in ME1 with the Turian General and the Consort, drinking away his grief for EDI. If you choose paragon actions, Joker feels better and understands why you had to chose destroy. He rejoins the Normandy as a pilot. (This might need a high charm check and for you to always be civil with him.)

Or you can use renegade options, where he rejoins the Allience as a pilot but he refused to return to the Normandy due to Shepard's cold attitude towards EDIs death.

9. And then once peace is achieved at last, Shepard retires to a tropical place with Garrus and live of the royalties from the vids. Adopt some krogan kids and teach them how to shoot. :D Happy ending!

The ending can change to who you romanced and what you talked about in your game :)

Other things that might happen/ 'side quests':

Major thing: you and all your crewmates from ME1-3 are now considered Reaper and Leviathans experts- if there are any issues with reapers all team mates are called for council when there needs to be a meeting involving reapers. Not everyone can join if there needs to be a physical presence, but you can often have meetings with them when needed in the com room.

1. Cerbrus gets fully destroyed- due to a majority of the troops being husks, they got killed during the blast. Those who were indoctrinated were sent to a galaxy wide rehab that focuses on helping all who were under the reapers' control.

2. All the races in the galaxy who united were offered council seats and the galaxy are 'permentaly united'.

3. There's a follow up 'joke quest', it's like the Citadel DLC but with a bigger focus on the clone. It is taken seriously when it needs to be but there is clone banter. If Miranda is alive, she can help you. If not but Brooks stays alive, you find her in the cloning facility you travel to. You force her to help.

This quest acts as closure for Shepard to how they were made, and they come out happy in who they are. But depending on if you killed or spared the clone, you can have different reactions to the facility and what to do with it. (Paragon salvaging the facility for medical purposes, renegade to flat out destroy it to ensure you're the "only" Shepard remaning.)

4. Political debate to make all VI illegal like AI, to reduce the risk of sentient machines- you can influence this with paragon and renegade options? This links into the Quarians being split from reviving the geth or keeping them dead. There's a lot on unrest towards technology, half the galaxy opting to a return to manual labour permently (mainly civilians) and others wanting to keep advanced technology. (military and government officials)

5. Military unrest from separatist groups, as a specter/head of allience you do a series of quests for species and reunite with your cremates (ie. Garrus for the Turians, Tail for the Quarians, Von Barla for the Volus, ect.)

6. Specter missions for Shepard to Solo, access to Pinnical Station again as apart of physical therapy/rehab back into the millitary.

7. The keeper scanning quest you do in ME1 makes a comback, with what you got the salarian you helped makes an offer to study the keepers further. He thinks about removing the keepers and replace them with matience workers to keep the Citadel running. You can choose to back this idea or reject it.

8. Companions

James becomes an N7. Javik, after defeating the Leviathans, goes to the graves of his soilders and joins them. Tail officially becomes an Admiral. Wrex and Eve lead the Krogan to the glory of the olden days. Garrus is chosen to acend in the turian line of power and he's not too keen on it- even more so if he's being romanced by Sheaprd. Mordin and Legion get respecting statues in the Krogan and Quarian homeworlds respectfully. Anderson gets a special statue where he went up the beam to the Citadel, too.

9. There maybe something to do with Omega, I'm not too sure. I feel like Aria would survive, and if you made her go 'soft' with the general or kept her on her renegade path she might have some interesting dioluge. Idk, maybe she should be left in 3. Just spit balling.

Annnnddd that's all I have! Here's my little slice of happiness I made up to make the pain of ME3 easier :")

Hopefully in the new installment we can get a nice closure like this with Sheaprd and their LI. Maybe if this was like a standalone game it would completely close of the trilogy for new installments- maybe even a ME5 game that brings the Milky Way and Androma together years after this interpretation of events.

[kestrelmando]

Open Water -  Prologue

Shakarian (Garrus Vakarian x femShepard)

Warnings: Canon typical violence, language, canonical major character death

Summary:  No Geth activity, no sign of the Reapers…She was frustrated that the Council and the Alliance weren't doing everything they could to prepare. They'd look into it, they'd send out a team to confirm what kind of tech it was that attacked the Citadel…Of course, it didn't matter that she and her entire team told them—repeatedly—that it was the Reapers. It had only been a week since the team was cleared from Huerta Memorial Hospital and already the higher-ups were already circling and denying.

Notes: Revamped and reposted. Basic background; Adrian Shepard, Earthborn, Sole Survivor, Paragade, Vanguard. I do call my Shepard by her first name frequently. Some mentions and short descriptions of previous Shepard/Kaidan but mostly Shepard/Garrus. Will cover ME2 pretty faithfully and some of ME3 before taking a left turn.

 ----

Commander Adrian Shepard's foot was asleep. She inwardly cursed her habit of sitting on her foot and gingerly set it back on the floor, trying to ignore the odd sensation of pins and needles dancing across her skin. Her eyes felt bleary and dry; she was finishing her fifth report of the morning. No Geth activity, no sign of the Reapers…not a single nonorganic piece of shit she could let out her frustrations on. This was not a good day. She was frustrated that the Council and the Alliance weren't doing everything they could to prepare. They'd look into it, they'd send out a team to confirm what kind of tech it was that attacked the Citadel…Of course, it didn't matter that she and her entire team told them—repeatedly—that it was the Reapers. It had only been a week since the team was cleared from Huerta Memorial Hospital and already the higher-ups were circling and denying.

She glanced sideways at the clock sitting on her desk; Kaidan would be done with his rounds by now. Things had been…different. They had flirted all through the time they chased Saren across the galaxy and it had culminated in one night of stress-relieving sex. She cared about him, it was true, but she suspected that night meant more to him than it did to her. To her, he was a by-the-book pristine soldier and man. She was, well, not. It had been fun and she was open to seeing where it went but Shepard couldn’t shake the thought that she would always be Commander Shepard to him.

The LT had taken up some of Ashley’s duties, helping to maintain the armory and keep their gear in good working condition. After their night together en route to Ilos, Kaidan had seemed to let his guard down a bit. They enjoyed meals together in the mess and talking about their plans. He was always wary of spending too much time in her cabin, always aware this was an Alliance ship and there were regulations to be followed. She was glad that most of her crew had decided to stay aboard the Normandy, if only for a little while longer. Wrex had gone to Tuchanka to try to merge the clans and Tali was being dropped off at the Flotilla within the next couple of days. Garrus was headed to the Citadel to apply to be a Spectre within the week and Liara was going to publish her research about the Protheans when she returned to Illium. Most of the team had decided to go on one last mission, one last Geth killing spree. Except there are no Geth to be found.

A sudden scream jerked Shepard into an upright position, the datapad she was holding clattered to the floor. She started to stand when an explosion rocked the Normandy. Shepard was thrown onto the floor of her cabin; all the air in her lungs pushed out with a hard grunt. Adrian lay still for a moment, straining to hear. The sudden quiet was shattered by the shrill blare of the Normandy's alarms; they were under attack. She scrambled to her feet and ripped her armor off the table it had been resting on. She hastily snapped it into place, grabbed her helmet, raced out of the cabin, and rounded the corner to the rest of the crew deck. Possible scenarios were flying through her head but when she saw the damage all the probable answers disappeared. Flames that had already consumed the sleeping pods were rapidly spreading towards the mess—no ship had the technology to do this much damage to the ship from one hit. Shit. The console to activate the distress beacon was down the gangway to the sleeper pods. Adrian tried to remember where she could find a fire extinguisher. Another blast hit the Normandy and Shepard sprinted towards the elevator to avoid the sudden flash of fire.

“Mayday, mayday, mayday—this is SSV Normandy, we're under attack from an unknown vessel!" Joker called from above.

Shepard threw her back against the elevator doors, flattening herself as much as possible as flames licked around the mess tables. A sudden thump from the other side of the elevator doors made Shepard jump. Her comm crackled, "—pard….elevator—"

Dread filled her stomach and she slammed her palm against the emergency override button by the doors. She heard the locks groaning but not giving. Part of her crew was stuck in the elevator. Shepard's fingers flew across her omni-tool, trying to hack through the elevator's locks. Damn, she needed an engineer.

"Shepard!" Adrian whipped around to see Tali coming out of the infirmary, followed closely by Doctor Chakwas, whose arm had a long burn from shoulder to elbow. Tali's helmet was smeared with ash, her many veils charred and blackened.

Adrian felt her heart quiver; Tali and Chakwas were safe. Shepard closed the distance between them quickly and grasped Tali's elbow, "Tali—I need you to get this elevator unlocked, there are people stuck in it. After that, you and Chakwas get everyone to the escape shuttles."

Tali nodded and began working on the lock. Shepard then remembered; there were fire extinguishers in the medbay and the elevator. She began to head towards the medbay when Chakwas grabbed her arm, "There is too much fire back there!"

"Here, catch!"

Shepard turned to Tali's call and caught the small extinguisher. The engineering crew poured out the elevator followed by Garrus, who was pulling his helmet onto his head.

"Tali, Garrus—get them to the escape shuttles."

"We won't leave you." Garrus replied shortly.

"That wasn't a request."

Adrian turned and began to fight her way through the fiery hall that led to the emergency console. She peered over her shoulder to see Garrus and Tali looking after her before they both turned and began to usher people to the exit. The sleeper pods were twisted and blackened. She reached the console and, thankfully, it was still intact. Her hands flew over the holographic keyboard; Omega Nebula…Amada System…Unknown Enemy. She could hear footsteps behind her as she reached for her helmet and jammed it on her head.

“Shepard!"

She cursed. Everyone on the Normandy knew the procedure for emergencies like this. No one should be seeking her out. Kaidan watched her hit the final keys to send their distress call, "Will the Alliance get here in time?"

The console blinked out, "I'm not doing this just so that can find frozen corpses. We just need to give them time. Get everyone onto the escape shuttles."

The Normandy rocked again, sending Kaidan sprawling into the wall. Shepard dug her fingers into the console.

“Joker is still in the cockpit, he won't abandon ship. I'm not leaving either."

God damnit. "Get to the damn shuttles! I'll haul Joker's ass out of here!" Shepard snarled.

Kaidan paused, "Shepard…”

She shoved him away, hard, "Get the hell out of here!"

The set of his shoulders was tense but he complied, turning on his heel and heading towards the escape pods.

Shepard turned and ran back down the short hall and around the mess to the stairs leading to the bridge. A fire raged on one of the stairs and Shepard turned her face away from the flames. She raced up the curved steps to the bridge and stopped short when the door slide open. The Normandy's hull was nearly in half and the ceiling was gone. Shepard looked up. She was briefly thankful that her boots were magnetically sealed and proceeded to make her way to the cockpit. Joker's hands were flying furiously over the holographic keyboard and various screens.

She leaned in, "Come on Joker, we have to get out of here."

"No, I can still save her!"

Shepard bit her cheek to keep her voice calm, "The Normandy is lost, going down with the ship won't change that. Don't throw your life away."

Joker paused, then turned to look at her, "Yeah…ok. Help me up." Adrian had gently grasped his shoulder when he stiffened, "Shit, they're coming around for another attack!"

She braced herself against Joker's seat and ground her teeth together as the energy beam tore through the bridge. They had to get off the Normandy. Now. Not waiting, Shepard snatched Joker's forearm, not even wincing when she heard a loud crack, and hauled him to his feet. He hissed, face contorting in pain, but said nothing. Shepard tried to lower him as gently as she could into the cockpit's emergency shuttle when another explosion caused her to lose her footing. Shitshitshit. Her boots lost contact with the floor and she suddenly found herself floating.

"Commander!"

Her hands frantically slid along the smooth siding of the Normandy, looking for some kind of purchase—something she could grab onto when she managed to grab the corner next to the secondary emergency shuttle controls. She weighed her options and threw a glance over her shoulder. The ship was coming back and there was no way she could make it back to the shuttle before it destroyed her and Joker.

She looked at him. He squinted before realizing where she was, what she was going to do. He shook his head hysterically, "No! Shepard!"

Adrian hit the override and sealed his shuttle, sending it hurtling away from the Normandy. She tried to ignore his screams, his voice begging her to let him die with her. When the enemy ship fired on the Normandy again, Shepard closed her eyes and waited, she'd seen Sovereign shred enough ships. She didn't want to see the Normandy go down. The explosion knocked her away from the ship and she was rained with debris. She cried out when something heavy slammed into the base of her spine and sucked in a breath, trying to control the pain, even as her legs feebly jerked in protest. Shepard was floating away from the wreck and realized that she was heading towards a planet. I'm going to die, she thought numbly.

The Normandy exploded and she tried to ignore the constant spikes of pain as more debris hit her – until something punctured the tube to her oxygen supply. Shepard froze. Please, I don't want to suffocate. She would rather be consumed in the planet's atmosphere. Oxygen was hissing out of her supply and she frantically pressed her hands against it to try to stem the flow, body contorting. It was no good. Pain bloomed in her chest, as though her lungs were tearing themselves apart, and her heart raced ahead frantically seeking oxygen. Shepard stopped, realizing it futile, and turned her gaze towards what was left of the Normandy. Then suddenly everything slowed; her heart, her blood, her brain. Through her darkening vision, the escape shuttles looked like tiny shooting stars. The icy planet loomed ahead and Shepard knew no more.

---

Drifting, falling

 Floating, weightless

 Coming home.

[pathcrier]

But what if you answered all the questions from that Shepard ask game 👉👈

Marion.....your mind.... astounding

Sol System - What is your Shepard’s class, background, military history?

Dahlia is an Adept, Spacer, and War Hero!!!

Earth - Where was your Shepard born?

She was born in Melbourne, Australia, when her mom was on shoreleave. Its where her mom was born and raised! But shortly after, they were back on warships and bound for space! Dahlia doesn't remember anything about Earth, honestly feels no true ties to Earth. She'll always be a spacer through and through.

Milky Way - What is your Shepard’s full name? Do they have a nickname?

Her full name is Dahlia Eliana Shepard. Her closest friends call her Dee, and her mom and half sisters have called her Didi 

Constellation - Does your Shepard have a family? Are they alive?

Her mom is alive and kicking, still in command of the SSV Kilimanjaro! Her two half sisters are alive as well! Though Blake had ran off to Andromeda before the Reapers hit. But Logan is still in the fray, fighting under her half sister, the illustratious Commander Shepard. Her father, well, he was a dead beat who tried claiming credit for all of Dahlia's accomplishments, and Hannah refused to have him around after he abandoned them. Last she knew, he was on Horizon after being forced to retire after an injury, and later found out he was abducted and killed by collectors. To which she feels no remorse over.

Nebula - Who is your Shepard’s best friend?

Wrex, Kaidan, and James are her best friends! She's actually known Kaidan since Alliance training days! Aside from them, her two half sisters, Blake and Logan know her even better than Wrex, Kaidan, and James.

Stars - Who is your Shepard’s LI?

Dahlia is, and will always be head over heels for Liara uwu

Moon - Did your Shepard have any dreams as a child? (dream job, plans for future etc)

Funny enough, Dahlia is actually living her dream. She used to go around telling everyone - when she was a little kid when- that one day she's going to command her own warship and be unstoppable

Sun -  Was there a person in your Shepard’s life that changed their view on life/the world?

Aside from her mother, of course. Who she got her love of space travel from. David Anderson is the one who taught her so, so much on life, and helped her shape her views on everything. He's the one who taught her that just because you lose one battle, doesn't mean it's the time to give up, to always keep fighting forward. Along with him, Javik is an obvious one. Teaching her that so long as there's even a single human left, the fight's not over.

Dark nebula - Is there something they’d change about their past?

Weirdly, no. She has absolutely no regrets. Every choice she made, every hard decision she had to take, she doesn't regret a single thing. 

Dwarf star - When was your Shepard’s first kiss?

She was maybe 15, it was one of the times she was on the Citadel while her mom was on shore leave. She had gotten very close to a young turian girl, Livia. Though it was done as a dare on Livia's part, neither regret it, and they're actually still friends to this day!

Dark energy - Are they a biotic? If yes, how old were they when their powers started to show?

Yes, she's got pretty potent powers, even before Miranda rebuilt her. They actually manifested when she was about 11 when she was trying to stick up for a salarian kid. She actually sent this krogan kid flying into the side of the wall, leaving a ridiculously large dent. Eventually she received informal training from an asari commando, who was her mother's best friend!

Ion - Does your Shepard have any tech skills? (engineering, hacking etc)

Dahlia is actually fairly decent at hacking, though she learned it from her friend Connor, it's not really her cup of tea

Meteor -  Does your Shepard have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

Quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits? No, not really. Her most defining characteristic though is her temper and recklessness in a fight, which earned her the reputation of being a krogan stuck in a 5'0 humans body.

Stardust -  What kind of clothes do they usually wear off-duty? (sporty, elegant or specific clothes like sweatpants, jeans etc)  

Dahlia fuckin' lives for athletic wear. It's a rare occasion to see her not walking around in a sports bra and leggings / or sweats.

Comet - What is your Shepard’s sexuality?

Big ole lesbian.💖

Supernova - When did your Shepard decide to join the Alliance? Was there a breaking point in their life that made them want to become a soldier?

Her mom was her hero, as she had Dahlia when she was 18. She grew up around the Alliance all her life and found them to be so cool and wanted to be just like her mom. Seeing her mom in action a few times definitely was the catalyst for Dahlia wanting to enlist when she was old enough. 

Black hole -  What is your Shepard’s greatest fear?

Failure. Especially now that she commands her own ship, has her own crew, is an N7 and Spectre. She has a lot riding on her shoulders and a lot of people depending on her.

Star cluster -  Does your Shepard have any mental illnesses and if yes, do they visit a therapist or talk to someone about it?

Honestly, if she does, they're all left unaddressed and left to fester. She admits she needs help and will probably have severe PTSD after the war, but she can't let it bog her down and chooses to focus on fighting reapers than her own inner demons.

Galaxy -  Under what circumstances do they find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

That's a pretty grey area for her, honestly. Having let thousands of batarians die when she destroyed the Alpha Relay. If their deaths won't be in vain, can be used to their advantage, anything to turn the tides or give them more time, she'll take it. 

[space-whalesharks]

🖊🖊🖊🖊 + kyla, 🖊🖊🖊🖊 + nate xx

Nate:

Honed his biotics by using them in the garage he worked as a ship mechanic at. It would be little stuff, mostly using Lift and Pull to get objects from Point A to Point B, but it was super effective.

In a hypothetical AU where he would be on the Andromeda Mission, he'd get along swimmingly with Peebee. Borderline too well. They'd be a menace to society together.

When he finds out Kasumi was bored and thought there was 'nothing to steal on a spaceship', he went out of his way to make a note of small, mundane things the crew owned that she could take, just to keep everybody on their toes/stir the pot a little just for entertainment value.

Once he and Tali are together, he tries to get in an at-home date for a little Fleet and Flotilla and chill. Kyla catches word of this and goes to roast him that Tali is muuuuch better than that- only to overhear Tali accepting, and then offering to bring over her Extended Cut of the movie later on.

Kyla:

At one point, Bailey vented to her about a particularly annoying, average-level-of-dangerous criminal that was giving him a hard time on the Citadel. Flexing her teeny tiny Renegade disposition, she offered, "want me to kill him? Because I'll totally kill him for you." Bailey, immediately: "Eh. No. Ask me again in an hour, though." "What happens in an hour?" "I get off shift and I'm not Commander Bailey, anymore."

Kissed Zaeed after the "I always thought you were beautiful" comment at the party. It was strictly platonic, just 'going along with an old man's whim' as she joked afterward. She did tell Garrus though, to which he also offered to kiss Zaeed to even out the score. It culiminated in a determined game of chicken until Kyla told them to knock it off - not out of jealousy, but out of mock fear that 'they'd run off together and leave her.'

Called Wrex "Dad" sarcastically once, and it ended up sticking, because Wrex absolutely loved it and talks about Kyla like she's genuinely his own blood.

On that same note, she does the same thing with Grunt. She tracks his progress in any Krogan business, shows off holos of him, saying that he's "a friend but basically my adopted kid, look at that punch, he's taking after me already, no, it's not just because he's Krogan."

[happy-bark]

Mass Effect Tag!

Somebody tagged me! This is so exciting, I don’t think it’s ever happened before. Thanks, @hollyem!

I am a fan since:  I’m not sure of the exact year at this point, but it must be within the last five years, because I know it was after I moved into my new house. Once I started I was ALL IN. I’ve been a BioWare fan since KotOR, so I don’t know what took me so long.

Favourite game of the series: I love ME1 for how it introduces us to the world and the characters. But I think ME3 is my favorite because even though it’s dark, the characters have really developed and they feel more real.

Mshep or Fshep? Fshep! I’ve tried playing Mshep once, and it just didn’t feel right.  I adore Jennifer Hale.

Earthborn, Colonist, or Spacer? Colonist. Why be on Earth when you can be from somewhere new?

Biotics or Tech? Biotics are great, but I have to have enough tech to be able to open everything. “Skill not high enough” will drive me up the WALL.

Paragon or Renegade? Paragon. I feel bad when I make the pixels feel bad.

Favourite class: Sentinel, I guess.  Tech, and the ability to heal myself and/or my squad.

Favourite companion: Wrex.  

Least favourite companion: Miranda. I can’t get past her attitude.

My squad selection:

ME1 = Probably Wrex and Garrus.

ME2 = Jack and Tali. Team girl power.

ME3 = whoever feels right at the moment.

Favourite in-game romance: Kaidan. Always Kaidan. I’d had a crush on Carth Onasi, so when I heard his voice in ME, I knew I was a goner.

Favourite NPC: Armando Bailey.  Nothing phases that guy.

Favourite Antagonist: Probably Kai Leng. Because it’s SO SATISFYING to kill him.

Favourite loyalty mission: Maybe Thane’s? I feel so sneaky!

Favourite mission:  Ugh I can’t decide. I’m such a completionist, I have to do everything. And I’m gonna bury it down here where no one will read it, but guys, the LE looks SO GOOD. Like, you’re going to stop your Mako just to pause and look at the scenery.  Maybe even call people from other rooms to come look.  I did.

Favourite DLC: Cliche almost, but Citadel. It’s like getting to hang out with your best friends.

Control, Synthesis or Destroy: I pick destroy, because that’s my job, dammit. Control is admitting that TIM was right, and Synthesis feels like taking away people’s choice in the matter.

Favourite weapon:  Whatever it’s called that just shoots the laser beam until things die or it overheats.  ZAP.

Favourite place:  My fish tank.  I have a soft spot for marine biology.

Favourite Quote: “You did good, son.  I’m proud of you.”

[andersonsbiceps]

Shepard as a Companion Meme

THE BASICS:

(I wasn’t tagged, but it looked like fun)

Shepard’s full name:  凤龍 凰易 Carolina Boulevard Carolina Shepard

Class: Infiltrator

Pre-service history: Earthborn

Psychological profile: Sole Survivor

MASS EFFECT 1:

When/how are they recruited: Shows up to greet you the second time you fly into the Citadel, tells you that Anderson called in a favor to have her help you take down Saren. She seems very eager to do it.

Where are they on the Normandy: On the bridge, fiddling with a tactical display.

Are they romanceable: Nope.

Personal quest: N7 Bonding. You guys get a drink together and talk about N7 training, giving the PC the opportunity to flesh out what it was like for them, when they did it, and how they got their N7 title.

Who are their friends: Wrex, they seem to spar. Joker, she tries to teach him to shoot and appreciates his caustic sarcasm. Garrus, they’re sniper buddies.

MASS EFFECT 2:

What does their dossier say: Carolina Shepard - Experienced sniper - Observed proficiency with tech and hacking on SR1

The only concrete information I can find on Carolina is her documented hatred of Cerberus. Her records aren’t so much secured as outright destroyed. Think very carefully about recruiting this one, Shepard.

When/how are they recruited: When Shepard meets with Anderson on the Citadel, she will pop up after the meeting to offer to come along and keep an eye on them help them.

Where are they on the Normandy: In the mess, lurking. She’ll walk you into the hallway to the gun battery to talk.

Are they romanceable: Nope. You might be able to have a one night stand, but she will shoot down anything more than that.

How do they react to the PC returning: She doesn’t mention it. If you ask, she will tell you that she figured something was up when they never recovered your body.

Personal quest: You’ve got to break one of her old friends out of a super-secret Alliance prison for N7 operatives that went rogue. If you’re diligent about asking her why she’s interested in this (in spite of her evasions) and you pick up on all the clues in the prison, and you talk to the person she’s breaking out, you can discover that they were framed by an inside job and take out the person that did it. This is the only way to truly earn her loyalty, if the mission is completed but not perfectly, you will unlock her alternate outfit but she won’t get the loyalty text.

Do they fight with any other companions: Miranda, for being part of Cerberus. Jacob, for leaving the Alliance (if she gets a big fight scene with anyone, it’s him, he needs the character development). Zaeed, for being a terrible leader.

What files does the Shadow Broker have on them: She was born under the name Feng Long, transitioned at an early age and renamed herself Huang Yi, and seemed to make up the name Carolina Boulevard entirely at random to enlist in the Alliance Navy. Her last name is Shepard because she married one Peter Shepard. Also, she used to be a biotic at some point. If you ask her about any of this, she will bite your head off.

Can they die in the suicide mission, and how: She will do fine as the vent specialist, but will die if she’s set as the leader of the second squad or (available if you’ve read her dossier in LotSB) put her as the biotic specialist. If you didn’t get the true end to her loyalty mission, and you choose to save the Collector base with her in the party, she will turn on you and you will have to kill her.

MASS EFFECT 3:

When/how are they recruited: In the introduction, she joins the squad during the first battle section, helping you hold the section with the radio until the Normandy arrives.

Where are they on the Normandy: N/A, she stays on Earth with Anderson.

Are they romanceable: N/A

Citadel meetup (during the game, where do you meet them on the Citadel and what do you talk about): N/A - though if she is spoken to on the Normandy comms, she gives a blunter and more gritty description of the situation on Earth than Anderson will.

How does the PC relax with them in the Citadel DLC (ie, buying gifts with EDI, watching the game with James and Vega, etc.): N/A

What do they say to the PC before the final battle: She claps the PC on the shoulder and tells them that they’ve done well. She’s looking forward to the biggest fight of her life.

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love: Chapter 6

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

Chapter 6: Savior of The Citadel

Anya Shepard doomed the council. And worse, she knew that others would call it a bid for human interests. But sacrificing the Destiny Ascension meant that more people could live, and those still trapped in the Citadel could be protected.

At least, that's what she kept telling herself as she stood next to Saren's bloody husk corpse and watched everything explode outside the window, hoping what she just did was worth it.

She didn't know if she could live with herself if her choices didn't mean something. There were already way too many graves tied to the decisions she'd made.

Like hell she knew this would be her fate when they were coming up the turbolift to fight Saren. It would have been harder to know she had something damning in common with the turian she was about to face, but she doubted he felt as much compassion and guilt as she did.

In all honesty, all she thought about on the way up was how much she wanted to watch the fucker burn.

Then those turbolift doors opened and she, Wrex, and Garrus darted up those council steps that she had a Pavlovian association with disappointment and frustration. Anya could feel it building up in her as they got closer and closer.

Taking that last step to the council's podium, there he had been. And that time, after all the damnable near misses, she didn't give him a shot. Much like he did to Nihlus, Shepard put on her Infiltrator cloak, stood right behind him, and fired her pistol.

Anticlimactic, but so damn satisfying to see him drop like a rock. He didn't deserve a grand fight. He deserved to fall down without the luxury of final words.

Well, then Anya turned around and everything outside was burning and they were asking her to make the call. Thousands of Alliance soldiers and Citadel civilians, or the hundreds of people protecting the council. All she saw were the numbers and the innocence and she made it.

But it was over. It had to be over.

Of course it wasn't fucking over, but she wanted it to be. Something grabbed her leg, though, and crashed her down into a lower decks area. The creature before her had Saren's face, but it was dripping blue blood and was now three times her size. It looked like a goddamn demon with the skin texture of as husk. Wrex and Garrus dropped down to help her and that's when a real bastard of a fight began.

Sovereign just had to go and play god with Saren, didn't he?

Shepard's mind started running on full adrenaline, dodging Saren's husk and protecting her team. Wrex got a wicked face slash and Garrus got thrown into a wall, but the asshole wasn't going to take anyone else from her.

She collapsed him under some pillars and hoped she'd make it out alive. Part of her wondered at the time if i'd be easier if she didn't; after all, her job was only going to get harder now.

But she pulled herself out of the rubble, even though her ears were ringing, and Garrus carried her back to them. Anya was struggling to keep her memory on track just walking back into the safer parts of the Citadel. She was pretty sure her ears were bleeding and everything was kinda blurry. It just was nice to have a trusted arm around her shoulder keeping her safe.

And now she was stuck in a very loud, very overwhelming meeting with Udina and Anderson and it felt like she was just floating above it all. The destroyed Presidium couldn't be real, right?

Hell, everything the past couples days felt so wrong.

"Shepard? Are you listening? What do you think?"

Anya's body jolted and she looked straight into Udina's very pissed off face. She ran a hand through her hair; during the Saren fight her normally immaculate bun ripped open and her hair was all over the place and probably matted with blue blood. Whoever the hell thought she was the most capable to answer anything must've lost their damn mind.

Still pressing a wet cloth to her split lip, Anya tried to salvage things. "No. Sorry. What did you ask?"

Udina rolled his eyes and made a disgusted noise like she was a petulant child, but repeated himself, "With the council gone, new leaders need to be put in place, ASAP. And with humanity at its best, we're going to be at the forefront."

"Okay? And how am I involved in this?"

Anderson looked pretty uncomfortable, but he kept his hands behind his back and looked at her seriously. It was at least nice someone treated her like an adult who deserved a spot at the table. She always appreciated that about Anderson; he looked at everyone that way. "With your new fame as the savior of the Citadel, people will look to your for guidance. So Udina wanted your vote on who should lead the council."

She didn't mean to, but Anya laughed so hard that her definitely bruised ribs hurt like hell. She even had to put her wet rag down on the railing to hold her sides so they didn't literally split. "Me? The closest thing I know to council level seniority are you two." Udina gave her a pointed look and her stomach fell through the glass floor. What made either of these men capable of the job? She adored Anderson, he was a mentor and a friend, but he was no politician. And Udina knew his politics, but he quickly fell into "humanity first" mindsets. And that shit wasn't going to be helpful for a galactic war.

And yet here they fucking were.

Running a hand through her hair again, and trying not to grimace when she definitely caught something in her fingertips, she tried her best to answer them, "While just picking between you two is the dumbest shit I ever heard, my vote would be Anderson. We're heading into a war, and we need people who can get our asses out of it at the helm." But with a deep, slightly beleaguered sigh, she added, "But don't go too far, Udina. I still think you should advise him and kick diplomatic ass. I'm sure Anderson will need a lot of help not clocking anyone."

While Udina didn't look happy, he at least looked slightly amused. "If you're sure. Now on the matter of the Destiny Ascension-"

"If the extranet's going to burn me alive, let them. I let them die out there. They should hold me accountable, even if the law never will."

Anderson furrowed his brow and reached for her hand. Anya didn't mean to wince away so quickly. Instead, he just gave her these sad, soulful eyes. They didn't make her feel any better. "Somebody had to make the call."

"Of course somebody did. And today, it was me. Doesn't make up for the people dead, though." Rolling her shoulders, Anya stood up straight, removed herself from leaning against the railing. It was time to soldier up. "Don't worry about me, Anderson. I can take it. Just make sure there's a damn good statue or something for Willaims, will you? Without her, no one would've made it."

They both looked like they had more to say, and even Udina looked concerned. Maybe they should be. She was now the first human Spectre who now had the galactic authority to name or kill councilmembers. That was fucking scary. But Udina just said, after getting serious frown face from looking at something from his wrist, "We will. Now, Admiral Shepard is on the extranet. Threatened to "sick her bear" on me."

The universe was damn bleak, but of course her mother could make it better with one sentence. Looking Udina, she let him in on the secret, "She means me. She calls me her baby bear. But a warning, if she'd told me to rough you up, I would."

Anderson chuckled, but Udina only did that awkward laugh thing where he really means that he hates soldiers and wishes he didn't have to interact with them as much. Anya couldn't really blame him. Picking up her helmet and holding it on her hip, she nodded and them both. "I'll be in your office using the screen to deal with mother bear."

After she got into Udina's office and left the men to, probably, argue, she let the neutral look on her face fall. She let her face go heavy; as heavy as it felt. Hell, it probably should be heavier. Today had been a long fucking day.

But she had one more thing to deal with: Oksana Shepard.

Anya inhaled deeply and then sat down at Udina's desk. One or two clicks and she was calling the infamous Admiral Shepard. Within seconds of starting the call, her mother's short, bright blonde hair, gray eyes, and scarred cheek. And somehow, on this dark fucking day, she was smiling. Trying to give her own best grin, Anya said, "Hello, Mama."

"Detenysh! My little one! Today was a good victory. You did good. How does it feel to have that rogue Spectre eating metal?"

Shaking her head, she always found it hard to talk straight in front of her mother. She was a warrior through and through. Sure, Anya was a warrior, too, but if there never was another war again and she was out of a job, she could probably live with that. Oksana couldn't. She answered as honestly as she could without starting a fight, "Good to protect people. Less good to know how many dead it took to take him down."

"They died honorably, Anya. That's all anyone can wish for." While she nodded, Anya couldn't help but wonder: is it? But then her mother continued, "I am so proud that my daughter is the savior of the Citadel. Your father would have been proud, too."

Anya didn't really know what to say to that. She'd never met her father. "I hope so. I made a lot of hard calls today."

"They are all preparing you for the great Admiral or General you will one day be."

A million old conversations swirled around in her head. "Mama-"

"I know, I know. You'll find your own path. It's just pure coincidence I was right about all of it so far."

The smug way her mom said it kinda pissed Anya off, especially with that smirk on her face, but she was going to let it slide today. "I'm just happy to see you."

"And I you, Detenysh. You're the reason all my men are okay and so many people made it out alive today. When they chose you for a Spectre, they chose right."

Feeling herself get a tad bit emotional, Anya rubbed her face and tried to shake the feeling away. "Shh. Enough of that." With a crash from outside and a loud yell, Shepard could tell Udina and Anderson were arguing again. She flashed her mother another smile before ending the call, even though she knew this might be the last she saw of her for awhile.

Happens when your mother's specialty always was undercover missions. "I have to go be a hero a little longer. I love you, Mama."

"I love you too, little one."

And then she was gone. Anya could get more emotional about it, probably even have a year's worth of therapy about how her mother often popped in to give her praise but never was a consistent parental force in her life. But she really didn't have the time for counseling right now, and at least her mother was okay. Honestly, Anya would take any good news from today that she could get.

Logging off, she stood back up and put back on her stronger face. It was time to play babysitter to the two men she just appointed to run the Council together.

Why did anyone let her make big decisions?

///

Author’s note: 

So happy a bunch of people enjoyed the last few chapters on here! I’m posting often to catch up to the story on other sites. 

Thanks so much for reading, and double thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

If you'd like to support my stories, fandom communing, or Twitch aspirations, please go check out my patreon: patreon.com/gracejordan

I also tweet sometimes too: @Steph_Marceau 

[brandyxlynn91]

Galaxies Together: Jane's POV pt 11

Jane kept her foot on the gas pedal as they sped through the conduit and straight into the presidium. Holy shit, it worked she thought to herself right before she landed on two geth and rolled straight into a wall. She opened her eyes as she felt something pulling on her arm and saw Garrus was attempting to get her out of the wreckage. As he was looking her over, she noticed Kaidan had gotten himself out already. She was pondering her conflicted feelings between the two men when she was interrupted by Garrus teasing her about crashing the mako. She retorted by joking about the wall coming out of nowhere and pointed out they were alive and she was the one that took out the geth in their way. She then asked if everyone was alright and after they answered, suggested they get the mission done.

They didn’t get far before a horde of husks were dropped before them. Jane muttered that she hated them, pulled out her pistol, and ran towards them shooting. She noticed Kaidan was running too and concluded that Garrus was staying back with his rifle for long range. She shot them down one after another when she saw a bullet go through the one in front of her and heard Garrus celebrating that he won with his eighth kill. Damn, I only got seven she thought as she turned around and saw two more right behind Garrus. She thought he must’ve been too busy boasting to notice them and her instinct to protect him kicked in as she shot each one through the head once. In order to conceal her concern she pointed out the two put her in the lead and teased him about her win as she blew on the tip of her pistol with a smile. Kaidan interjected that it wasn’t the time for that. She thought she heard a hint of jealousy in his voice but she just replied there was nothing wrong with a little competition and added a snark about there not being much of one while still smiling. She noticed Garrus just smiled back instead of defending himself against the lost. She felt herself getting lost in his smile when she was interrupted by Kaidan yelling for them from a distance. She jolted herself from her thoughts and they ran to catch up with Kaidan.

Jane overheard the Avina telling them they needed to evacuate the presidium and approached it.

“Where is everyone?” She asked it.

“There is one life sign approaching the council chambers but C-Sec is unable to respond to the threat with all the geth on the citadel.” It informed her.

“That has to be Saren.” Garrus said.

“Right.” Jane agreed before turning back to the Avina. “Where are the council members?”

“The council were evacuated to the ship Destiny Ascension along with ten thousand citizens as per emergency protocols.”

She then asked it about Anderson and Udina but it informed her that it couldn’t track the location of individuals. Jane felt her heart sink at the thought of not knowing if Anderson was alive or not. Garrus must’ve sensed her dismay she thought as she felt something on her shoulder and noticed he put her hand there and tried consoling her that he was sure he was okay since he was a resourceful person. She knew he was a hell of a soldier that taught her almost everything she knew. Still worried, she forced out a smile for Garrus and suggested they get going. Once they finally made it to the elevator, Jane pressed the button to the chambers and they started moving. Not even halfway up, she felt the elevator shake then stop. She looked out the glass window and sighed. It never ends, she thought before telling the guys to suit up because they were going outside while putting on her helmet. Once she saw them put theirs on, she pulled out her pistol. She heard Garrus start to object as she shot the glass. She made a joke about repairs before stepping out and they made their way towards the chambers.

They came across small groups of geth along the way that they dispatched with ease. Well, this is easier than I thought it would be, Jane thought just as she turned a corner and saw a geth turret. She cursed out and rolled to get back behind the wall. After a few moments of silence, she saw Garrus looked around the corner and immediately tease her that they were inactive. Her cheeks grew red as she realized how ridiculous she must’ve looked and argued that she didn’t know and remarked that she had been shot at by a lot of turrets recently. Garrus just laughed that he knew that because he was with her those times. She made a Barney joke in attempt to call him a dinosaur but he just looked at her questionably and she realized he had no idea what she was talking about, so she threw her arms up in defeat as she realized the joke was wasted and told them to keep going. As soon as they got halfways through the area, a dropship dropped dozens of geth upon them. Jane swore in frustration then remembered the turrets were inactive and ran towards the console so she could hack them. She realized all the geth going after her were being shot down, she looked back and saw Garrus covering her back as always. She let a smile come to her face as she reached the console thanks to him. She ducked behind it and used her omnitool to hack into it. As the turrets turned on the dropship, she took out her sniper and focused on the ground troops. After a few minutes, she saw the dropship retreat after being heavily damaged and focused on taking out the rest of the geth. Wrex is going to be so pissed I didn’t bring him along, she thought as they continued on. They took out a couple krogan in the next area and kept running until they reached the next open area when Jane felt a sharp pain in her left arm. She looked and saw turrets firing on them and ran back for cover. She swore while she held her arm and muttered it was always the same arm while remembering when she got hit by the rachni on that same arm when they took down the Cerberus facilities. Before she had time to react, Garrus had already started to apply medigel to her wound. He must be doing it before I have time to reject his help this time, Jane thought. She remembered him chasing after her the last time, desperately trying to get her wound treated and she felt a little guilty so she muttered out a thanks and turned to look at the open area. She informed Garrus to go help Kaidan and when he started to object, she told him she was fine. She then noticed she had reflexively put her hand on his but quickly pulled away and told him to go before heading out and rolling into different cover. She glanced back to make sure Garrus had done as she said then focused on the turret in front of her. She then used her overload ability to stun it, followed by a couple sniper shots which ended in it exploding. She turned to see that Garrus and Kaidan had already taken care of theirs. She took a moment to catch her breath and gather her thoughts. It was then she decided she was going to talk to Garrus about her conflicted feelings after they took down Saren. With her new resolve, she told them it was time to move on.

Once they reached the chambers, there were quite a few more geth in their way. Jane yelled out that she was sick of all the geth, then she alternated between her overload and shooting them with her pistol in a fit of angry fury. She heard Kaidan and Garrus join in but she didn’t bother to count her kills this time. Can I just fucking get to Saren and put an end to this already, she thought to herself after the last geth had fallen. She took a moment to catch her breath and regain her composure before running towards the control console. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Saren at the console, pressing some buttons. He turned around then jumped down towards the pit, then came back into view on his flying platform and threw a grenade towards them. Jane leapt to the side to avoid the blast, then heard Saren speak up while her ears were ringing.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t be here in time to witness me help Sovereign take back the citadel and bring the reapers back.” He said, arrogantly.

“Stop this, Saren!” Jane yelled, pointing her pistol at him. “It’s not too late. We can still stop this all from happening.”

“Heh. I’m completely committed to the reaper cause now. I’ve been implanted.” He said, as he pointed to his head.

“What? Are you crazy or just dumb?” She asked with her mouth wide open.

“Oh. I did listen to your words back on Virmire. Sovereign sensed my hesitation and had me implanted.” He replied. “You see the reapers can’t be stopped. There is still time to save yourself and join us.”

“No. I will die stopping them before I help them destroy all the species in this galaxy! There’s still time. Fight your implants! I’m not giving up this fight and you don’t need to either.” Jane argued.

“If only I had someone like you before I found Sovereign.” Saren said with a sigh. “But I’m afraid it’s too late.” He pointed his pistol at his own head.

“No! Wait!” Jane called out to him and lunged toward him but he had already pulled the trigger. Jane looked just in time to see his body fall in the pit below them. She felt something wet on her face and touched her hand to it, when she looked at her hand she saw blue liquid and realized some of his blood had splattered on her. Dammit, why didn’t you let me help you? She thought to herself. After a brief moment, she shook her head and made her way to the console. She pulled out her omnitool and used Vigil's data to regain control in the citadel. Kaidan told her to open the arms of the citadel when Garrus told her to open a comm channel and see how the fleets were doing. She decided to go with Garrus’s idea and as soon as she opened the channel, she heard a mayday.

“This is the Destiny Ascension. We need help! Our shields are failing, our engines are offline, and we have the council aboard.” The voice on the comm sounded panicked.

“Hello? Please tell me this is Commander Shepard.” Jane recognized Joker's voice on the comm.

“It’s me, Joker. Are you okay?” Jane replied to him. She was happy to hear his voice.

“We’re all fine here. Thanks to the best pilot in the whole damn galaxy.” Joker boasted. “We’re here with the Arcturus Fleet and we can save the Ascension if you open the relays.”

“We need to save them!” Kaidan cut in.

“Screw that. We should protect our fleets. Besides they wouldn’t do anything to help your people, Shepard. They wouldn’t even listen to you about the reapers and look where that got us.” Garrus interjected.

“This is bigger than just humanity. The reapers are a threat to the whole galaxy.” Kaidan argued.

“Exactly my point. We shouldn’t waste any resources.” Garrus argued back.

“No. We have to show them we’re not just worried about ourselves." Jane told Garrus then went back to Joker's comm channel. “Save the Destiny, Joker.” She said as she opened the relays for them.

“Aye aye.” She heard him reply. After a few moments of silence, he came back on the comm. “Alright, commander, they’re in the clear.” After hearing the confirmation, Jane opened the arms and heard a familiar voice.

“Alright everyone, focus all fire power on Sovereign.” Admiral Hackett announced.

“Go make sure Saren is… dead.” Jane reluctantly ordered her squad. She didn’t want to take any chances.

After they jumped down, Jane heard a couple shots then heard Kaidan confirm he was down on the comm. Just then Jane saw red lightning light up the whole area.

“What the fuck? What now?” She said quietly to herself, looking around. She noticed it was focusing in the pit where she had sent Garrus and Kaidan. Just as she went to tell them to get out of there, she heard an explosion and felt the ground under her crumble as she fell. Her whole body ached as she found herself in the pit under some rumble, when she saw Garrus move a large piece off of her and help her up. It was this moment she realized he never hesitated to come to her rescue whether she absolutely needed it or not, and she knew she’d do the absolute same for him. She looked around and saw what used to be Saren’s body was now a metal skeleton as it started throwing attacks at them. They ran to cover and she pulled out her sniper to fight back. They all threw their attacks and ammo at it, until it looked like it was finished. Then a surge of power hit it and it’s shields were back up. Fuck. Just give me a goddamned break here, would ya? Jane thought as she got ready to keep fighting. She thought if she died here, at least she was with people she cared about and she gave the galaxy a fighting chance. Just then, Garrus used his concussive shots to weaken it’s shields and she carefully landed two sniper shots to its skull, resulting in its head exploding. After a moment, they saw the rest of its body turn to dust. Exhausted, Jane took the rest of her energy to climb out of the pit with the others. It’s finally over, she thought as she looked out the window in time to see a large piece of metal that looked like part of Sovereign flying towards them. Shit, you gotta be kidding me, she thought.

“RUN!” She hollered to the others as they all ran to avoid the collision. She felt the heat of an explosion on her back and pain all over her body. I never got the chance to tell Garrus that-. Jane’s thoughts were interrupted by everything turning black.

[7classyantiquestores]

Mass Effect Series TPK

One of my recent playthroughs of Mass Effect was dedicated to the goal of “kill as many teammates as possible while still making it to the end of ME3 and still technically winning the game”. I used the Genesis DLC to kill Wrex and the Virmire casualty Kaiden, as well as a combo of skipping every possible side quest and a surprisingly complex strategy to kill all but two teammates in ME2, allowing Shepard to live to ME3. In this case I left Thane and Miranda alive. In addition to the loss of those characters who can die in the last game (Thane, Miranda, and the Virmire survivor Ashley), I’ve found a lot of really interesting tidbits by having the majority of the major side characters gone. 

ME3 Results

Unsurprisingly, the overall story dynamic is a lot less for having over two-thirds of the cast removed. Side missions lack the additional motivations, and scenes normally filled by reminiscing or long-standing character interaction are replaced with cut and dry, down to business cut-scenes. 

Surprisingly, almost no dialogue references the staggering losses from the last game. The occasional comment is made by other squad mates who knew them, but not much from Shepard. 

This is a great way to really appreciate and love the cast. You never know what a good thing you have until they’re all dead. I cheered out loud when the normal team lineup came up on my other file. You’ll be surprised, you even miss the boring or annoying ones. 

Team composition is much more challenging, with only EDI, James, and Liara available as squad mates. These three can only be killed with low enough EMS on the final run, and EDI in the Destroy ending also.

In Priority: Palavan, no replacement is given for Garrus, and no squad mate is sent back to the Normandy when it experiences trouble. Some of Garrus’ dialogue in the first half of the mission is given to the Turian general. Additionally, Liara will comment wondering where Garrus would be if he were here...probably in the thick of it. 

In Grissom Academy: Emergency Evacuation, Jack is replaced as the students’ leader by Jason Prangley, who proves himself to be a surprisingly capable biotic and leader. Making it all the sadder when he is shot after saving Rodriguez at the end of the mission. You also are able to hear additional dialogue. Rodriguez, having just killed for the first time, will ask a hard question of Shepard when you first encounter the students in Orion Hall. 

In Priority: Sur’Kesh, Wreav remains as the Wrex stand-in, creating a slightly more hostile, slightly less controlled environment for the talks. On Sur’Kesh itself, STG agent Paddok Wiks takes Mordin’s place quite completely, having been the spy, helping Shepard evacuate Bakara, and coming aboard to work on the genophage cure. Interesting that Mordin wasn’t the only Salarian motivated enough to make a change in the Krogan situation. Wiks also has his own take on why helping the Krogan is the right choice and some altered dialogue due to his surprisingly different character. 

In Attican Traverse: Krogan Team, Grunt is replaced by Urdnot Dagg. Dagg is an older Krogan, chosen for his post as a feared and respected soldier, and shows himself an enthusiastic fighter, even jealous of Shepard for earning the Reapers’ attention as enemies. Actually a great one-off character. Unlike Grunt, however, he is impossible to save, overcome by Ravagers while buying Shepard time to escape. 

In Priority: Tuchanka, most of the story will proceed the same. Paddok Wiks successfully synthesizes a cure and discovers the sabotage if you don’t tell him. Apparently someone else wouldn’t have gotten it wrong. That said, without Maelon’s data, Eve dies. Lacking both Eve and Wrex, it makes more sense not to cure the genophage, since all fingers then point to a Krogan revenge streak. Paddok is relatively easy to persuade to that end, and the conversation about it provides an interesting point of view on the subject as well. 

In Priority: Citadel II, Thane still saved the Salarian councilor, since he was one of my two survivors of ME2 (as he dies here). However, after skipping most of the side quests and interactions, you can be forced into killing the Virmire survivor in the facedown at the end of the mission. This unlocks some new dialogue with both Liara and with Joker and EDI, reminiscing and questioning over the loss. 

In Gellix: Science Lab (the ex-Cerberus scientists), Dr. Webber drags the injured scientist out at the beginning, and it’s a little harder for you to convince Brynn you’re not Cerberus. A mix between Brynn and random scientists pick up Jacob’s important lines and actions. Same events besides. Pretty dry overall. 

In Lesuss: Monastery (Ardat-Yakshi), it proceeds mostly the same, just excluding Samara’s scenes. Difference being a line from Falere referencing her death, and different dialogue with the same at the mission end, though Falere still ends up staying at the Monastery and Rila still ends up dying. 

In Priority: Geth Dreadnought, Admiral Xen will accompany you in Tali’s place. This leads to some altered dialogue and points of view on the proceedings, and Xen is actually quite funny. Legion is replaced by “Geth VI”, who is a disappointingly exact copy of Legion in every way except lacking the experiences with Shepard and company. The Geth Fighter Squadron mission is also the same, just lacking the one clip with Legion meeting Shepard. 

In Priority: Rannoch, the first part goes as usual until the final scene. Having conveniently crash-landed on Rannoch, Admiral Raan replaces Tali in the Geth-Quarian showdown. Without Tali or Legion present, it is impossible to call off the Quarian forces after allowing the Geth upgrade, leading to the destruction of the Quarian fleet. Raan also shoots herself. It kinda sucks. 

Priority: Thessia is, surprisingly, no different. Guess they really know how to protect plot important characters. 

In Priority: Horizon, most proceeds the same until the end. A non-ME2-loyal, unwarned, unaided Miranda will be mortally injured by Kai Leng and ultimately die after the confrontation with her father. However, Oriana is still able to be freed, and shares a touching farewell with her sister prior to Miranda’s death. Miranda then entrusts her safety to Shepard. There’s also a sad conversation with Joker afterwards where he lists many of the friends you’ve had die so far, asking how long before it’s just “you and me against the whole Reaper fleet?” Not long, Joker, not long. 

The Citadel DLC felt the losses more than anything else so far, but the core crew (unkillable to this point) means the story is just the same. It’s still funny and charming, although it’s painfully obvious that it was written for a much larger crew. Sadly, although not unexpectedly considering it’s a DLC, no references are made to lost teammates through the entire run. 

In the first leg of Citadel missions, Liara comes in as the first companion, taking the “nice outfit” line, James shows up to grenade launcher the enemy shuttle instead of Wrex (and later is smugly proud at his chance to rescue Shep), and EDI is the only extra squadmate Joker brings in. In the casino follow-on, I brought James, triggering an amusing scene where he and Brooks flirt and walk in arm-in-arm, making Shepard third wheel.

In Citadel Archives, we see a sad attempt to keep all three teams, with my chosen two squadmates in Team Shepard, Brooks and the third squadmate in Team Mako, and in Team Hammerhead comes...Cortez (granted, decked in some sick battle armor) along with some random marine lady???, who only appears in the background from time to time to convince you Cortez isn’t alone, but doesn’t appear in cutscenes. They really stretched so they didn’t have to have new dialogue for less teams. 

In Citadel: Party, I did energetic/quiet/quiet. Luckily with James, Cortez, Joker, EDI, Traynor, and Liara, the even numbers mean there’s always someone for each person to talk to. First part is much the same conversations as with a full group, just thinner crowd and less dialogue. The second part you can see Joker and Traynor jokingly argue over EDI, after which they agree to never speak of it again, while Cortez unsuccessfully offers to make EDI a drink, and Liara and James have the obligatory SR-1 vs SR-2 talk downstairs. In the final part, Traynor tries to temper EDI and Glyph’s attempt to make curry, Cortez and Joker argue over who’s the better pilot, and James and Liara play poker. The photo is funny, since they could definitely have all fit on the couch, but game mechanics mean you get Cortez and James awkwardly standing in the back alone while the others sit down. At the end, since my Shep was unromanced, Joker delivers the farewell and “good ride” speech, which is sweet. 

In Priority: Cerberus Headquarters, a unit called Legion Assassin appears, since I handed Legion over to Cerberus in ME2, but he’s easy to fight, and everything is the same besides. 

And finally, we get to Priority: Earth. 

For the most part, the story proceeds as intended. Like all other major missions before, all the vital characters for this mission live until this point. But here’s the breakdown on how it went:

Corez dies, having not talked with him. Victus and Wreav make their appearances for their respective peoples, and a Geth Prime is present in the war room to brief on the Geth status, lacking Tali or Legion. No one sounds particularly optimistic. Without Eve, Wreav sounds like he’s already making preparations for war on the galaxy, but also drops hints that the Genophage cure isn’t working. The three remaining companions can be engaged as usual, with no additional lines. 

When the time comes for the final push, James and Liara are knocked out by the truck while dashing for the beam, and then Shepard can only watch horrified as a direct hit from Harbinger takes them out. Climbing up to the Citadel and using the Destroy ending removes EDI, the Geth, and the Reapers. The low EMS rating means that most all life is vaporized from the surface of Earth, the Normandy catches fire and is severely damaged when the Crucible wave hits it, and no one is seen exiting it after it crashes. 

Hackett’s speech at the end, while admitting the victory, also shows multiple scenes of the destruction, and expresses some concerns about the future of the galaxy.

“We knew this war would test us. We knew the chances of victory were slim at best. But we are victorious. The Reapers are defeated. We deployed every strategy, fought every battle, sent every soldier and hero to the brink. We held nothing back. Now, it's up to the survivors to rebuild, to start again. I only hope the lessons learned in this war don't die along with those of us who fought to win it.”

Our final death tally:

Wrex and Kaiden killed in Mass Effect. 

All companions except for Miranda and Thane, as well as Dr. Chakwas and Kelley killed in Mass Effect 2. 

In Mass Effect 3...

Lost Eve and faked the Genophage cure, ensuring the failure of the Krogan people.

Thane killed, Miranda killed, and kill Ashley.

Sided with the Geth, causing the obliteration of the Quarian people.

Lost Cortez, Liara, and James at the end. 

Destroy ending kicked the Geth and EDI.

Low EMS vaporized most of Earth and left the rest of the Normandy crew ostensibly dead.

And last but not least, Shepard down.

Complete TPK.

My review: 

All in all, fun and surprisingly challenging to achieve, and resulted in many interesting differences from the typical route. On the impressive side, the game can self-correct solidly enough to carry the same story after losing nearly the entire cast. On the disappointing side, with only one or two exceptions, the story self-corrects so well that it hardly acknowledges your many losses. But overall, worth a playthrough! And, most importantly, I succeeded at the world’s most depressing Citadel party. 

My work here is done. 

[aloha-solar]

The Spaces Between the Stars: Five

tw/cw for brief mention of rape/sexual assault at the very end

Rating: M

Ao3 link

The world was too bright. Shepard opened her eyes and immediately squeezed them shut again. She could tell by the gentle beeping surrounding her that she was in a hospital. Judging by the number of tubes piercing her body, plus the cannula shoved up her nose, she was in a pretty bad state.

“You’re alive.” Tentatively, Shepard opened one eye again. It was still blinding, leaving a purple ring and black spots wherever she looked, but she knew she’d heard that voice before. “I told you to die when you were crawling for help.” Shepard winced and tried to sit up, forcing herself up onto her forearms. Bad idea. Not only did the pain suddenly turn itself up to eleven, making her gasp in pain, but all her monitors went from steady beeps to screaming alarms. Shepard fell back, sweating from the effort of sitting up, her teeth ground together to stop herself from screaming. She stared at the ceiling, feeling her head pound and her eardrums explode from the shrill alarms surrounding her. She didn’t know anyone entered the room until she felt a cool, gloved hand on her forehead. Its owner stepped into view and despite the pain, Shepard felt her lips turn up into a smile.

“Miranda,” she gasped out. Miranda gave her a warm smile back.

"We really should stop meeting like this, Shepard,” Miranda said. “Putting you back together has become quite a bad habit.”

“You don’t wanna go for a third round?” Shepard said. She coughed and sputtered after she spoke. Miranda pressed a button to move the bed into a sitting position, before reaching over to a side table and picking up a cup of water. She eased the straw past Shepard’s lips, and rubbed her back until Shepard stopped coughing long enough to take a sip.

“Sorry,” Shepard said.

“You shouldn’t be sorry,” Miranda said, putting the cup back on the side table. “You saved us all.”

“You didn’t save them all,” the other voice said. “You only saved organics, not synthetics.” Shepard winced again and pressed her hand to her forehead.

“Is it your implants?” Miranda asked. “It did take them almost six weeks to get you awake again. I’m sure there might be some side effects.”

“No, it’s not…I was out for six weeks?” Shepard said.

“Technically, you’ve been out for two and a half months,” Miranda corrected. “You didn’t start regaining consciousness until six weeks ago. Before then, you were completely unconscious. I think it’s because the implants went into some sort of hibernation mode while the rest of your body recovered and slowly came back online so that your nervous system wasn’t overloaded.”

“Is that a theory or do you know for sure?” Shepard asked.

“A little bit of both,” Miranda said. She pushed a few strands of Shepard’s hair back. “Your saving grace was that you didn’t look as bad as you did when I rebuilt you for the first time.”

“Oh, yeah?” Shepard said, chuckling and then gasping in pain. “I don’t know, it sure feels as bad as the first time.”

“Only you would have a first time, Shepard,” Miranda said. She gave Shepard another sip of the water before reclining the bed again. “I’d suggest you get some sleep. I’ve had all the Alliance knocking down the door the second there was a slight change in your condition, not to mention Jack’s practically been holding a vigil every night—”

“Didn’t I just wake up?” Shepard said. She tried to sit up again but Miranda put her hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back down.

“Yes, you did,” Miranda answered. “But they want to get you started on physical therapy as soon as possible—probably tomorrow—plus Hackett and the rest of the Alliance are going to interrogate you as to what happened on the Citadel, no doubt.”

“I see,” Shepard said. She swallowed. “What about the Normandy? They’re all okay, right? Kaidan and Garrus got hit by a Mako on the approach, and—”

“You should rest,” Miranda said, dimming the lights. “It won’t do you any good if you keep stressing like this, Shepard. If you need anything, just hit the call button.”

“Miranda—” Shepard protested, sitting up again, but Miranda already walked out the door. Shepard sighed, easing herself back onto her pillow. Miranda was right. She felt exhausted, and she’d been through enough physical therapy treatments to know that being exhausted was not exactly a benefit. Besides, if Hackett was—

“Your own crew didn’t even visit you,” the voice said. Shepard gasped as she finally made the connection as to who—or what—the voice belonged to.

“I thought you were supposed to be destroyed when the Crucible went off,” Shepard said, gritting her teeth. She was uncomfortable. There was a mass of bandages on her right side, meaning she couldn’t roll over and sleep in the position she wanted. Each time she moved, some part of her body started aching. The constant and burning urge to pee made her pretty certain that she had a catheter. And now she had to deal with the Catalyst.

“I was,” the Catalyst said. “But am I really here? Or are you feeling guilty about what you did?”

“Destroying the Reapers was the best option,” Shepard said.

“But why?”

“Because they were going to kill us!” Shepard said. She heard some of the machines start beeping rapidly again. Shepard swore, before taking several deep breaths and waiting until the machines calmed down with her. “I wasn’t going to let the rest of the galaxy die or get rewritten against their will. You said everyone would be synthesized—would that be husks, too? And brutes and marauders?”

“Of course,” the Catalyst said. “But wouldn’t that be better? With synthesis there would be no suffering, no pain. They would know that they were no longer organics, but they would accept that. Instead, you decided killing synthetics to save yourself was the best option.”

“You said that I’d be destroyed too,” Shepard snarled. “But I survived, so clearly you were wrong somewhere.”

“Because your organic parts must outweigh your synthetic ones,” the Catalyst replied. “But the others—the geth, EDI, Legion—do you think they deserved to die? Did you only destroy the Reapers because the other options ensured your death? You, who faced death so many times, are suddenly afraid of dying?”

“Don’t try and give me the bullshit guilt trip,” Shepard said. “The whole plan was to always destroy the Reapers. It wasn’t to fulfill the Illusive Man's power fantasy or the Reapers' ideal of a perfect life form. It was always to destroy them and you know it.”

“Did you actually gain anything?” the Catalyst snapped back. “You are once again at the will of a woman who saw no use for you beyond her own personal gain. The people you loved and trusted have not even attempted to see you.”

“You’re lying—” Shepard began, but the Catalyst cut her off.

“Am I? Where is Dr. T'Soni? Garrus Vakarian? Major Kaidan Alenko, the man who is supposedly the love of your life? If they cared about you, they would have never left your side.” Shepard squeezed her eyes shut. She knew that this version of the Catalyst wasn’t real—it was just her imagination—but God, why did it sound like the real thing?

“Perhaps it would have been better if you stay dead the first time,” the Catalyst continued. “Or if you died on Akuze. Or if you were captured by the batarians on Mindoir. Because that’s all organics do: serve their own interests, even if others get in the way. They held you up as a savior, but you are not anything special. You followed the exact same pattern that all organics follow, failing to see outside your own flawed bubble. Perhaps if someone else made it to the beam, they would have thought for the good of the many, but instead the flawed organic made it instead, and thought for the needs of the few.”

“I did think for the needs of the many,” Shepard whispered. “I saved every race in the galaxy.”

“Legion had over a thousand units living inside it,” the Catalyst said. “And the Reapers stored countless civilizations. The geth alone very likely had more units inside them than the entire population of the Milky Way. And you let them die.”

“Shut up,” Shepard said, tears squeezing out from behind her lids. She pressed the button Miranda left her frantically. “Shut up, shut up, shut up.”

When Miranda came barging into Shepard's room a few minutes later, she assumed the tears were from pain. Shepard didn’t bother to correct her, feeling relieved that Miranda decided to stick her with a sedative so that she could get some sleep. Still, even as Shepard let herself drift away into a haze, the Catalyst’s words still rattled around her head.

 It would have been better if you'd died.

As harsh and cruel as it was…could it be right?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The physical therapy was torture, as Shepard expected: the doctors noticed that Shepard could sit up without issue, so they started trying to get her standing up and walking. Shepard knew she had to do it (the alternative option of losing her mobility in general was ten million times worse than the pain) but it felt difficult working without the rest of the crew. Garrus and Wrex would have teased her as she stumbled across the room with Liara at her side, trying to help her keep her balance. Tali would have tried to create a walker that moved on its own without Shepard needing to put her body weight on it as James told her a million stories about all the times that he had to use a walker, with nine-hundred and ninety-nine thousand of them turning out to be fake. Joker would have cracked jokes about how Shepard's bones were weaker than the most crippled man in the galaxy, while Javik would have said that the primitives were so weak in this cycle, they hadn’t even figured out how to make their walkers float.

And Kaidan? He'd be at her side too, but he'd be encouraging her with every step she took, giving her a wink or a peck on the cheek whenever Liara looked away. He'd laugh at Joker and James’ jokes, he'd argue with Garrus and Wrex about Shepard's resemblance to a pyjak, he'd tell Tali that it would be better for Shepard to actually support her own body weight but would thank her for trying, he’d ignore Javik until the very last moment where he would pick Shepard up and say that the primitives didn’t need floating walkers when he could just carry Shepard around everywhere. And then later, when the rest of the crew left, he’d stay behind and reassure her that she was doing fine, no matter how slowly she was progressing. He’d promise to stay by Shepard’s side no matter what, until they were both old and grey.

But instead of Kaidan and the rest of her crew, Shepard faced doctors and physical therapists speaking with cloying voices, like she was a child. She dealt with Jack and Miranda bickering again, even though most of Jack’s students were out of the hospital and Miranda still needed to run tests on Shepard’s implants. She gave forced smiles during Jacob’s video calls, watching his relationship with Brynn bloom while trying to ignore the stabbing feelings of jealousy that sat in her stomach whenever they looked at each other. She nibbled at the boxes of chocolate Zaeed and Kasumi got for her and said that they each had excellent taste in candy, even though Zaeed ate his way through half the box by the time he ever gave it to Shepard, while Kasumi found chocolate that was so rich Shepard could barely lick it without sending herself into a diabetic coma. She tried to meditate when Samara came to visit, but Shepard always found her mind wandering: if Samara suggested that Shepard picture herself on a beach, Shepard’s mind immediately dashed to Virmire; if she suggested a forest, Mindoir; her bed, the last night she spent with Kaidan. Shepard felt guilty when the door opened and it was never the people she expected, because she loved them as much as the rest of her crewmates. But she knew they were safe; could she say that for the rest of the Normandy crew?

“Your fault,” the Catalyst repeated each time Shepard’s mind landed on that thought. “If you had chosen to merge synthetic and organic life, then you would have no need to worry about your crew.”

But as torturous as physical therapy and the daydreams and the Catalyst were, none could quite compare to her meetings with Admiral Hackett. One day, about a week after Shepard woke up, Kasumi uncloaked herself out of nowhere.

“Does privacy not mean anything to you, Kasumi?” Miranda said, turning around. She’d pulled Shepard up into a sitting position to check some stitches on her chest, tugging the hospital gown to Shepard’s waist as she did. Shepard felt her face grow hot, but then again, she shouldn’t have been surprised: Kasumi did go through her drawers after all.

“Do you want me to come back later?” Kasumi said. “Because I can. On the other hand, I don’t think Admiral Hackett really cares about privacy anymore. He wants to see Shep today.”

“Today?” Miranda said.

“That’s what Kasumi said, right?” Shepard said, tugging the gown back over her chest.

“But you aren’t ready to deal with him,” Miranda said, scowling. “I want you to have at least walked three feet without a walker and had the catheter pulled out before he even thinks about coming in here.”

“The admiral isn’t really the type to wait,” Shepard said. “Especially if it’s big news. I’m surprised that he even gave you a week, Miranda.”

“I’m more surprised he hasn’t barged in here already,” Kasumi said. “But never mind that: what are you going to wear, Shep?” Shepard blinked. Kasumi chuckled at the expression on Shepard’s face. “Come on. You can’t exactly wear your Alliance blues, and as nice as that dress for Donovan Hock was, I don’t exactly think it’ll be the most comfortable outfit given your circumstances.”

“She was injured,” Miranda said through gritted teeth. “It’s a bloody miracle she isn’t dead, and we want to play paper dolls with her?”

“Can I at least just put on a bra and call it a day?” Shepard suggested. Kasumi and Miranda both looked at her before looking back at each other and rolling their eyes.

They compromised in the end: Kasumi was able to find a pair of old sweatpants and a faded Fleet and Flotilla tank-top. Miranda donated a sports bra that probably cost more credits than Shepard even hoped to see in her life. Shepard managed to pull her hair up into a loose ponytail (how had it gotten so long?) and gave her teeth a quick scrub. Miranda took one quick glance at Shepard in the minutes before Hackett walked in before grabbing a washcloth and rubbing it over Shepard’s face vigorously.

“Jesus, Miranda,” Shepard said, trying to pull her head away. Her efforts were met with Miranda holding onto Shepard’s chin with one hand while attacking her face with the washcloth with the other. “I’m not a kid.”

“It’s just to be safe,” Miranda said, breathing heavily. “What if the press come with him? You know Khalisah al-Jilani’s chomping at the bit to get a video of you.”

“I’m more worried about Diana Allers,” Kasumi said, shimmering into view. “Honestly, Shep, what were you thinking when you brought her onto the Normandy? At least, what were you thinking bringing her on without providing Jacob as eye-candy?” Shepard rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything. Miranda stepped away, satisfied with her handiwork, before turning back to Kasumi.

“Can you get an ETA as to when Admiral Hackett will be here?” Miranda asked just as the door opened.

“Right now,” Kasumi replied, cloaking herself. Miranda stood up to her full height, putting her hands behind her back. Shepard followed her lead, shoving her blankets back and sitting up as tall as she could. As Hackett turned around from closing the door, Shepard immediately saluted him.

“At ease, Commander,” he said, a note of humour in his voice. He saluted her instead. “Seeing as you’re the one who saved the galaxy, I think it’s fair to say that you deserve a salute more than I do.” Shepard put her hand down.

“I couldn’t have done it without my crew or the Alliance sir,” Shepard said. “If it hadn’t been for all of you, this war could never have been won.”

“It could have,” the Catalyst whispered in her ear. Shepard clasped it and tried to make a face that looked like she was grimacing in pain. “You were just foolish to consider only one option.”

“I appreciate your flattery, Commander,” Hackett said, looking genuinely surprised and proud that she even acknowledged the Alliance. Miranda coughed, and Hackett’s eyes glanced over to her.

“Miss Lawson,” he said. “I want to thank you for getting Shepard up and running again.”

“Thank you, Admiral,” Miranda said.

“Best person for the job,” Shepard said, flashing Miranda a smile. Miranda gave her a small one back.

“Undoubtedly,” Hackett said. “We’ll have to find you a permanent position in one of our labs, Miss Lawson, because the work you’ve done is truly incredible. I’ll pass on a message to some of the teams, and I’m sure Shepard will be glad to write you a recommendation as well.”

“Absolutely,” Shepard said. “Miranda’s the only reason why I’m still here today.”

“I had some help as well,” Miranda said. Shepard might have been imagining it, but she was sure she caught Miranda blushing. Miranda cleared her throat. “But thank you. It would be…an honour to serve the Alliance.” Hackett gave Miranda a brief nod.

“We’ll definitely need to explore your skillset in private, Miss Lawson,” Hackett said. “And while I’d love to discuss it with you right now, the commander and I need to have a quick word in private. I’m sure you understand.”

“Of course,” Miranda said, giving Hackett a nod of her own. She squeezed Shepard’s shoulder before leaving, grasping at thin air until she found Kasumi. Kasumi squeaked and protested as Miranda dragged her out, letting the door close behind them. Hackett waited until he was certain Miranda and Kasumi were a good distance away before he faced Shepard again. He’d barely opened his mouth to speak before the question tumbled out of Shepard’s mouth.

“Do you know where the Normandy is?” Hackett sighed and shook his head. Shepard’s stomach and chest clenched as Hackett looked back at her with sad eyes.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Shepard,” Hackett said. “We’ve sent messages out through every single comm channel that we know of: human, asari, turian, salarian, we’ve hacked into the batarian systems…if our messages are getting through to them, their messages aren’t getting back to us. And with the relays down, we can’t even send a search party out. It’d take too long, months, maybe years. All we have to do is hope that they’ll contact us soon.”

“Of course, sir,” Shepard said. Her mouth felt incredibly dry. She licked her lips, trying to ignore the pounding noise of the Catalyst in her head. Was it laughing at her? Hackett kept talking, and Shepard strained her ears to hear him.

“But I wanted to talk to you Shepard because I’m curious as to what happened up there when you tried to fire the Crucible. When the reports said that someone made it to the beam, I assumed it was you…but then a second person made it up to the Citadel as well. Do you know who it was?” Shepard looked down at her sheets and swallowed. Anderson’s face, beaming at her after she was made Spectre, ran through her mind. The second image was less pleasant: watching her finger pull the trigger on the gun aimed at him, shooting him on the Illusive Man’s orders. Her head buzzed.

“Shepard?” Hackett prompted. “I know this must be upsetting for you, but we need to know what made the Crucible go off and who was up there with you.”

“Aren’t you going to tell him, Shepard?” the Catalyst asked. “Aren’t you going to tell him that you shot and killed the man who would move mountains for you? Aren’t you going to tell Admiral Hackett that you killed one of his best military men?” Shepard bit her lip and shook her head. How could she admit that she killed him? Even if the Illusive Man was controlling her, Shepard should have been stronger. She should have aimed the gun at the Illusive Man the first time instead.

“Anderson,” Shepard finally choked out. “I…I was the second one on the Citadel. Anderson got through the beam first.”

“Anderson got to the beam?” Hackett said. He rested his chin on his hand and shook his head. “But that doesn’t make any sense…I thought we told Anderson to stay with Major Coates…”

“It was…pretty chaotic down there, sir,” Shepard said. “I knew that Anderson was making the run to the beam, but once we were in the vicinity of the Reaper, it was all over.”

“I see,” Hackett said. His shoulders slumped and he took a deep shuddering breath. “Would I be incorrect in assuming that Anderson succumbed to his injuries once you were on the Citadel?” Shepard hesitated.

“Tell him, Commander,” the Catalyst hissed. “Tell him what you did.”

“Yes sir,” Shepard said. “He was trying to get the Crucible fired but his injuries were pretty severe.”

“You liar,” the Catalyst said. “Commander Jane Shepard, too afraid to admit that she’s done something wrong.”

“And then we can only assume that the blast from the Crucible incinerated his body,” Hackett said, sighing. He hung his head briefly before standing up straight again. “Thank you for telling me this, Commander. As soon as you’re able, the Alliance is planning to hold a memorial service for those we lost. We’re trying to wrangle the Council into it too—the Citadel is above Earth now, after all—and make it a full galactic affair, but at the very least, we need to show respect for the lives humanity lost. And as you were one of the few that knew Anderson best…” Hackett sighed again. “This was a very messy war, Shepard.”

Shepard swallowed again. “With all due respect, sir, I don’t think I’d be quite right for a memorial service. All those people we lost and with me still alive…it might be rubbing some salt in the wound.”

“Perhaps,” Hackett admitted. “But it might also do the people some good to see that the hero of the galaxy is alive and thriving. After all we’ve lost, we need a morale boost.”

“Yes sir,” Shepard said, her heart pounding. “Did you need anything else?”

“No,” Hackett said. “Well, there is the matter of promotions and other ceremonial details, but the list of awards you’d receive could probably reach the end of the Milky Way. We’ll have to discuss this at a later date.”

“Miranda could discuss it with you,” Shepard said. Her head was starting to spin as she realized the Catalyst hadn’t fucking left, but was sitting at the end of her fucking bed. It was silent but looking up at Hackett expectantly, waiting for him to leave. “Or it might be better to save some of those ceremonies for when my crew comes back. I’m sure there’s more than one award waiting for all of them.”

“Of course,” Hackett said. “Combined, I’m pretty sure that list could reach the Andromeda galaxy.” Shepard gave a small chuckle at that. “All right then, Shepard. I’ll go and track down Miss Lawson, and I’ll leave you to get some rest. You’re looking pretty worn out.”

“Thank you, sir,” Shepard said. The two of them saluted each other, but a piece of Shepard wanted him to stay. The Catalyst had become silent, and she was fairly certain that it was going to start the second Hackett left.

The Catalyst followed Hackett as he left, watching him close the door. Shepard pulled her blankets back up and watched the Catalyst, never taking her eyes off it. The Catalyst turned to face Shepard and the two stared at each other. Shepard broke the silence first.

“You know you’re not real,” she said. “You’re just trying to make me feel guilty.”

“But if you can see me, perhaps your guilt has some weight to it,” the Catalyst replied. “Tell me, how many people couldn’t you save? It didn’t start in your military career either: it started in the colonies.”

“Mindoir was different,” Shepard snapped. “I was sixteen and my mother hid me away. Not that it mattered—our house was one of the few the Alliance actually hit with an artillery strike.”

“You didn’t do anything when Elizabeth Armstrong was dragged away by the slavers,” the Catalyst said. “Nor did you when Alex Lovell was raped right in front of you. He screamed your name and you ran.”

“I shot the slaver first.”

“Only after Alex screamed your name and tried to crawl towards you. You only shot the slaver because he looked towards you,” the Catalyst said. “Do you not remember Alex’s face? How it was caked in mud and blood? How the batarians had tied his hands over his head and pulled his pants down in front of thousands of people? How you thought he liked you back when he smiled at you during class one day—”

“Shut up,” Shepard muttered, pulling her pillow over her head. “You’re not real, you’re not real, you’re not real—”

“Keep repeating yourself,” the Catalyst said. “But you know I’m right. You are pathetic. The batarians should have taken you when they took Mindoir instead of destroying the entire colony.” Shepard waited, gripping her pillow so tightly that she felt her knuckles nearly bursting from her skin. She didn’t pull it off her head until she heard the familiar click of Miranda’s heels as she walked in. She tried to smile and nod her head in the right places as Miranda gushed about how she could get a position working on making prosthetic limbs that were indistinguishable from real limbs, but she felt like a doll or a puppet, trying to say the right things to keep everyone happy.

Because deep down, Shepard knew the Catalyst was right: she was a fake, a fraud, dirty, disgusting, and more deserving of death than she was alive.

She wished Kaidan was with her.

[meggannn]

@keelificent asked me about why i think earthborn!shepard would be wary of garrus in mass effect 1 and phew here i go *cracks knuckles*

obviously this is subject to everyone’s shepard, particularly paragon or para-leaning earthborn shepards, cause maybe interpretations of renegade shepards don’t give a fuck about this kind of thing. my eb shepard is kind of hardened but still (or tries to be) para-leaning, mostly come out of a self-driven desire to atone to make up for her frankly embarrassing past as a delinquent (in her own eyes).

so anyway. any gangster would obviously be wary of cops, even the ones who run mildly inoffensive crimes, like the lookouts, or participants in petty theft or vandilism. it sounds like space capitalism and classism are still huge in the me ‘verse (and i’m assuming racism is still kicking as well, even if most of the population is poc or mixed), so i don’t imagine humans will have solved their corruption problems by the 2170s. you don’t even have to be a felon or live on the streets to be wary of cops, but for a teenager in a gang, yeah, i imagine there’d be an instinctual urge to bolt at the first sign of a badge; bolt, or play the distractor/actor, the one stalling for time and pacifying while the others scram.

maybe earthborn shepard’s been arrested before, maybe not. but either way i don’t think they would’ve had to have been to develop an instinctual reaction to be wary of cops. and keeping in mind that this is still earth, it’s not just out of fear of being thrown in prison or a foster home -- but i imagine shepard is also well aware of the cops to avoid from rumors of police brutality and corruption. i don’t think that kind of wariness ever leaves someone after they grow up with it during formative years, considering their life relied on a) not getting caught, and if you can’t avoid that, then b) not getting caught by one of the bad ones.

fast-forward 11 years....... commander shepard walks to the top of the steps in the citadel tower. shepard is now a disciplined well-respected marine with a distinguished record. they fight to make the galaxy a safer place. they worked hard to be where they’re at. she meets a cop at the top of the steps. old habits can still die hard.

gonna just commit to using ‘she’ here to distinguish this is now my shepard’s reactions she meets a cop who introduces himself as the detective behind investigating the spectre-turned-possible-terrorist saren arterius. vakarian is polite and respectful, but frustrated. he’s got no evidence, no records, just working on instinct. he ‘feels it in his gut.’ shepards can have a lot of reactions to meeting garrus vakarian for the first time, but aside from the instinctual urge to be cautious of trusting a cop, mine mostly logs his presence away as a mental note to possibly contact later.

the next time she meets garrus vakarian, he uses her entrance as a distraction to take the first shot on a gang of thugs holding a witness hostage. it’s clear vakarian has now gone rogue to work the investigation on his own terms. you properly dispense the bad guys and he thanks you at the end. “perfect timing! gave me a clear shot at that bastard.” the fact that he made a pinpoint shot with a handgun and little time to prep is either exemplary skill, or complete luck. either way, it was still a dangerous move -- the bullet struck less than a hand’s breath from the witness’s skull.

so log him in her brain now as ‘skilled but reckless.’ not really the kind of qualities you want in a policeman. also: he has no problem playing judge, jury, and executioner. i mean yeah, she would’ve killed the thug too, cause he had a gun to the hostage’s skull and engaged them in a firefight, but again, vakarian made the first shot. (we, the audience, know that this random npc was dead anyway and garrus had the right of it, but shepard doesn’t know that when she walks into the room. maybe she could’ve interrogated them to find out more about their orders from the broker.)

so shepard can chew him out for risking the hostage’s life, and he says “there wasn’t time to think, i just reacted.” which imo is probably just sloppy writing, because you’d think think a turian policeman would have better discipline than that, though again, ymmv on how wide the gap is between turian and human socialization and discipline. (personally i feel it’s more in character to have planned out his moves during that waiting time before shepard enters and made a calculated shot, but still accepted the risk that he might hit dr michel nonetheless.)

michel talks about tali’zorah and fist, with officer vakarian filling in context and other details he found from his investigation. this guy is so antsy to lock saren down he’s practically vibrating. which is not a bad thing, because you want a policeman to be driven by a drive to put dangerous people behind bars. but again! reckless.

“this is your show, shepard. but i want to bring saren down as much as you do. i’m coming with you.” okay, vakarian, but i just MET you. what are your qualifications, or am i only bringing you on as an attaché for saren info? are you a good shot, or just lucky? can i count on you to reign in the excitement if civilian lives are at stake?

you can’t ask him any of this because bioware wasn’t thinking of these questions in 2007; you’re limited to “okay,” “hit the road josé,” and “why do you care so much, bro?” his response to the last two makes it pretty obvious that he’s driven by a sheer desire to see justice served: saren is a criminal. his actions have killed people, and his current freedom puts more lives at stake. and he’s getting away with it. also, “he’s a disgrace to my people.” if shepard has read her codex or talked to literally any turian for two seconds by now, she knows turians are a very proud, disciplined, and (theoretically) honorable people. that saren is a criminal and that he is using the system designed to help people to disguise his crimes, is eating vakarian alive.

at this point you could ask my earthborn shep “why take him at all if you don’t trust him to play by the rules?” the answer to that is

she believes in this moment that he is, at his core, genuinely driven by a desire to do good with his job, with casualties as an afterthought to the main goal. she still dislikes that attitude immensely, coming an earthborn background, it means she once was one of those ‘little people’ that police often disregarded in pursuing their targets, but she believes at least now that maybe she can get him to remember they’re not just chasing saren because he’s a Designated Bad Guy, they’re chasing him because his actions wiped out a colony and his plans clearly involve more bloodshed. in other words, it’s about protecting people, not winning against the bad guy, and she thinks he can be nudged back into that direction with appeals to his honor code, which he does seem to have.

if she says “no you can’t come,” she doesn’t put it past him not to leave c-sec and pursue saren on his own. maybe their paths would cross, maybe not, but she already has evidence he’s willing to go against orders, come armed to a clinic, and shoot up criminals without clearance from his boss. what if he decided to go chasing down saren on his own?

for however dangerous his move was, he does have good instincts. that ‘gut feeling’ was absolutely correct: he was right to come to the clinic, and was in the right place at the right time to make the shot. could’ve been luck, but just as likely could’ve been skill.

he’s a little aggressive and presumptuous, but still respectful of her and her command. turians are trained to defer to superiors, aren’t they? well, he did just defy orders to keep investigating, but that was because he knew saren was guilty and it was a bad call. honestly, she probably would’ve done the same thing. shit, okay, she just talked herself into saying yes.

and that was meeting two. i can’t help but think her opinion of garrus vakarian..... doesn’t really get much better until maybe the end of mass effect 1. i’m not gonna summarize every conversation they have in the cargo bay, but you probably remember the gist, and we know what me1!garrus is like: he’s eager to prove himself, constantly puts his foot in his mouth, is over the moon to work outside the law, and is kind of obviously projecting his spectre fantasy onto shepard. talks constantly about how he doesn’t see why the law should get in the way of doing what’s right.

okay, shepard can agree with that. she grew up in a literal sewer; she knows morality can (and if you’re para-leaning, should) be put above the law.

“and also!” garrus vakarian says, “also, these damn rules get in the way of doing my job. if my orders are to take in a suspect, why should it matter how i do it, so long as i do?”

“uh,” says shepard, thinking of the millions of corrupt cops back on earth who banged her head as they shoved her into the backseat of their car, pepper sprayed her friends -- not because she believes this of him, but because her mind jumps to the worst out of familiarity with seeing corruption from the bottom, and a fear that this is who he might become if she doesn’t handle this very, very carefully. vakarian seems to look up to her, for some unfathomable reason. he values what she has to say. she has to treat him respectfully, but she will make herself clear that collateral damage is not tolerated in her missions.

also, uh, it’d be stupid for her to ignore that compared to everyone else on board, this boy is like the most privileged one in galactic society. a turian cop (with a detective father well distinguished for his service) is already in a position of power over half of the ground team, but a turian who’s from the capital city of the turian home planet who lives at a station at the heart of the citadel with a badge and a lifetime of xenophobic microaggressions to learn to get over... like, no wonder tali and wrex weren’t fond of those elevator conversations, lmao.

i want to be clear, i don’t think my earthborn!shepard dislikes garrus in me1. she sees a lot of herself in him. they’re both disciplined but easily frustrated, driven by strong sense of duty and justice, don’t mind breaking a few eggs to get there -- imo a para-leaning earthborn!shepard has just seen more examples of what happens when higher ups cut corners. people like orphans suffer. people like who she was suffer. some of them don’t survive. so she tries to sort of.... nudge him into what she thinks is the right path without stomping all over his personality. i think she does value individuality and his opinions, more than blind obedience, so it is a dialogue, but she wants him to hear her. and when he tells her he’s going to reapply to spectre training and go back to c-sec in the meantime, and that he’s learned a lot, she’s genuinely glad to hear it.

anyway that’s my longass response to your prompt. i fully acknowledge this interpretation of garrus, even early-stage underdeveloped garrus (compared to me2/3), is probably an unpopular opinion, and possibly an uncomfortable one considering real-life parallels, so i apologize if i sound disrespectful. part of my attempts at broadening lore within this universe include addressing social differences that bioware mentions but drops the ball on (e.g., turians and asari having privilege over other races), so this is just like the result of some of those thoughts to bring a little sense of realism to this universe. and of course, ymmv with different types of earthborn shepards and how they would react to having a cop on board -- i’m not arguing this is is reflective of all, just how i see mine.

anyway it’s ok because they get much closer on the sr2. and after the war, things are good, until garrus offhandedly mentions his dad used to be deputy chief of one of the largest wards on the citadel, well known for gang and felon activity, and shepard closes her eyes, thinks of all of those ASBOs she racked up, knows with every fibre of her being that somewhere out in the galaxy castis vakarian has found out about their relationship and is scouring the extranet for her public history both after her enlistment and before, and while garrus continues talking unaware, she part of her dreads the day she does finally meet vakarian sr in person. buuuut that’s a story for another time.

[adaminashepardcommander]

Lover’s Dance When They’re Feeling in Love - F!Shenko

Pairing: F!Shenko Rating: T+ Summary: A look at Kaidan Alenko and Adamina Shepard’s love through the span of time. Author’s Note: This is mostly canon with a couple of Not-So Mass Effect canon elements that are from my boyfriend (adrianomartelandsiblings) and my canon. Bioware owns Kaidan Alenko and all Mass Effect elements. Adamina’s thoughts, choices, and children belong to me!

Dancing is so awkward at fifteen. It’s even more awkward dancing with your best friend who you just so happen to be in love with. She’s stepped on his foot a couple of times, blushing hard, whispering sorry. He smiles and nudges her feet on top of his. He whispers ‘I’ve got you,’ and pulls her closer. It’s less awkward. She laughs and lays her head on his shoulder. It’s their first dance, and he’d love for it to never end, but it will end. Their friendship, however, will strengthen thanks to this. Dancing is so intimate at a wedding. Especially, when it’s your own wedding. Even more so when you’ve married your best friend. She’s gotten better at this. She hasn’t stepped on his foot except for once, and he just laughed it off. He smiles and presses his forehead against hers. Her lavender eyes shine so bright with love and excitement. He’s excited too, but he’s always hoped that they would end up here. She presses her lips against his. People are clapping, but all of his attention is on his new wife. Dancing is hard to do with a little one. It’s even harder when you have two little ones. He’s gotten a little time off and finally gets to be with his best friend again. She laughs when he puts his hands on her hips, humming a tune in her ear. She complains about needing to cook, but she’s accepting his hand and letting him pull her against him. Her lavender eyes sparkle with glee, and that’s when their son and daughter whine that they want to dance too. It’s no longer him dancing with her; it’s him dancing with their daughter and her dancing with their son. There’s laughter, and all he can do is smile. Dancing is impossible to do with her gone. His best friend has been gone a year, and he hasn’t gone anywhere near music. He’s signed it off. His friends don’t care and pull him to the crowded bar on the Citadel. There’s a woman there giving him bedroom eyes, but this is their song that’s playing. His mind flies to a happier time, and he gets up to leave. One of his friends tries to stop him, but he’s out of the bar before an argument can be made. Lavender eyes and a laugh ghosting in his ear. Dancing is the last thing on his mind on Horizon. The Collectors are taking people left and right, but not him. He can’t understand why. The stasis wears off, and he’s running towards the enemy ship, trying to save his people. One of the colonists is yelling at a woman, and slowly he recognizes her. Those lavender eyes are full of regret and fear. One of her companions yells at the colonist, claiming that the colonist would be dead too if it weren’t for her. Her other companion nudges her, and lavender eyes find chocolate. The colonist walks off, and he’s walking towards her. He hears her take a deep breath before he’s wrapping her in his arms. She whispers his name against his neck, and all he wants is to kiss her senseless. But he doesn’t, he needs to know why she isn’t dead. Arguing, begging, pleading, are things he never thought he’d have to do with her. She can’t be his best friend. She has to be a clone. That’s not her, but she looks just like her. Just like his best friend, his wife. He rubs his forehead remembering those eyes. They were so full of hope for a solid moment before he dashed those hopes right down the drain. Now he’s sitting before his terminal trying to write a letter to her. To explain his actions, but there aren’t any words that are coming to mind that will suffice. He glances at the picture beside his hand. They’re smiling, laughing, dancing. The words finally come to him, and he’s able to finish the email to her. He presses the send button and goes back to reminiscing about happier days. The reapers have come, an AI has tried to kill him, and now Cerberus is trying to over-run the Citadel. He wants to kill any and every Cerberus soldier that comes near the council. He’s got three of the four councilors on the roof, and there’s someone following them. The doors of the elevator slide open and reveal her. Lavender eyes ablaze with anger. He’s ordering her to put her weapon down while she’s trying to tell him that there’s a mole on the council’s payroll. They’re dancing with danger, with death; one wrong move and he’ll kill her, and that scares him. He hears Udina call her a traitor, and the anger in her voice causes him to do a double-take. He’s never heard her that hateful, not even when they were chasing after Saren. Udina, the bastard, grabs the Asari councilor and threatens to kill the councilor. She’s not having any of that. He hears her cock her gun, ready to blow Udina’s head off. She pleads with him to trust her. She’s never been okay with a death on her head. When Ashley died, she locked herself in her room until they reached the Citadel. He remembers her crying, cursing herself. He flips around and points the gun at Udina’s head, but he doesn’t give the bastard the chance she’s given him. He pulls the trigger, and it hits Udina right between the eyes. He hears her sigh in relief behind him. It’s weird being back on the Normandy. And even though she has said that he’s more than welcome there, he doesn’t feel it. She’s skirting around him, away from him. She’s keeping her distance, and he knows why. It’s all this. This stress that she’s putting herself through, and he just wants her to relax. She’s helped out all of her old teammates, even Miranda on Horizon. He never thought he’d go back to that planet and now he wishes he hadn’t. He knows that Anderson has ordered her to take some shore leave, but she’s not complying. So he takes to the helm and tells Joker to take them to the Citadel. Thankfully, the pilot agrees. Jeff’s seen how she’s acting, seen how stressed she is. She comes down from her room asking who changed her course, and he intercepts her. He tells her, orders her, to take the shore leave she’s already been ordered on. She wants to argue, he can see it, but she doesn’t. She just turns around and heads back to her room. She’ll probably try to spend all of her shore leave in that damn room, but he won’t let her. The start of this shore leave has been very much a miss. She’d gone out with Joker as ordered by Anderson, and she’d gotten shot at. Of course, she’d gotten shot at. He’s come to her rescue. His biotics flaring a bright blue as he slams down a couple of the mercenaries he’d been fighting when she rounds the corner. She is wearing a light blue dress, and he feels his throat contract. She’s gorgeous even as broken as she looks. She smirks at him, shaking those hips as she walks by. His jaw drops and hell yeah, he’s staring. He likes what he sees, always has. When they finally get back to the apartment thanks to Wrex’s help, he follows her upstairs to see to her wounds. She turns to look at him, lavender eyes shining. He takes a step towards her, places his hands on her hips, and leans in slowly. She accepts the kiss that he presses to her lips, a small moan leaving her throat. It’s going to take Liara a little while to track down the gun that she found, so he’s going to take advantage of this small window of just them. Dancing is just a way of keeping eyes off them, but the way she presses against him, the little laugh she gives as his hands slide to her hips, the way that dress fits her body so perfect he’s sure everyone is watching already. He’s died and gone to heaven. That is until Brooks interrupts them with a problem. She promises that there will be more to come later, and he wholeheartedly believes her. Once they’re back to the apartment, he pulls her upstairs and presses her against the wall of her room. She nuzzles against his neck, pressing open mouth kisses to the base of his throat. They want each other even more with each passing moment, but there’s still a bad guy that wants to kill her, so their time together will be cut short. It feels like forever since the party ended. She wanted to celebrate capturing her clone. Miranda has some ideas for the clone, but he doesn’t want to know them. He’s more focused on the woman beneath him. She looks so relaxed, so happy. He leans down and nips at her neck, right at her pulse point. The way she cries his name makes him do it again just to pull his name from her lips one more time. She claws at his back, wraps her legs tighter around his waist, pulls him closer to her. He’s forgotten how amazing she is like this. It’s been too long since they’ve been intimate, but it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long with how he still knows where to touch her, to kiss her, to bite her. She knows the same about his body, and when they’re done he kisses her, slow and sweet. She whispers that she loves him, and he replies in kind. He wants to slit the Illusive Man’s throat for the way he talked about her. She doesn’t deserve that; she never deserved any bad thing that has ever happened to her. He wraps his arms around her waist. It’s not the place or the time, but he wants her to know that he’s deeply sorry. He should have believed her. She nods and smiles small, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. She was used, and that makes him sick. She pulls away from his arms and starts down a hallway. He swears that he will fix this, no matter what. It’s been months since they’ve set foot on earth, but this doesn’t feel right. He’s standing by a building, checking in with his biotic students when she walks up. She tells him that she’s spoken to their kids, like this wasn’t hard enough. He sighs and says that this might be goodbye. She takes his hand and says she’s going to fight to see him again. He squeezes her hand in apology. She has to find Anderson. They both know that, but she doesn’t want to leave him. He doesn’t want her to leave. She takes a step away from him, but he’s not ready. He pulls her against him, kissing her with a promise. He whispers, “I can’t lose you again.” She touches his cheek, closing her eyes tight as she pulls away from him. She’ll see him again, there’s no way in hell she’s going out there without him. His ears ring for a moment as he feels hands on his waist. He can hear his name, just barely. His vision finally straightens out just as the Normandy lands. She’s going to make him go back. She pulls him to the ship with Vega’s help. He feels his weight transferred to the buffer soldier. The realization hits him like a bottle to the head, she’s not coming with them. “Shepard. Adamina.” He calls out to her. She’s standing at the end of the hangar door, watching the fire fight in the distance. She turns and looks at him, “You’ve gotta get out of here.” He shakes his head, “That’s not going to happen. Not without you.” “Don’t argue with me, Kaidan.” Her voice is a command, but he can hear the tiny waiver. “Don’t leave me behind.” He begs. He can’t do this. Can’t lose her. He begs her with his eyes, come back, come with me. She strides up the hangar door, “No matter what happens…” She reaches him, touches his face, “remember that I love you, always.” His eyes search hers, chocolate meeting lavender, “I…” He starts, and then tries again, “I love you, too.” She kisses him, gently and whispers again how she loves him. How she’s always loved him, will always love him. She takes a step backwards, out of his reach. He’s grabbing for her, reaching for her hand, begging her to stay let someone else deal with this mess. He wants her to be selfish for once, but she won’t, and he knows that. She’s off the hangar door and running, next to her clone, the one that Miranda had ideas for. This must have been that idea. Have them fight together. As the Normandy pulls away, he sees Harbinger getting ready for an attack. He gasps, and the hangar door closes shut. He’s sitting in a hospital room beside a bed. It’s silent except for the machines’ beeping and hissing. He places his hand on hers, squeezes gently, “Come back to me.” Something happens, a twitch in her hand. She’s squeezing back. His dark depths find her lavender ones, “Mina…” She squeezes his hand again, and he calls for the nurse. She’s here. She’s alive. Dancing is a little awkward when you’re learning how to walk properly again, but he’s got his best friend who he’s always been in love with in his arms. She blushes softly after stepping on his foot once or twice. He presses a kiss to her cheek, nudging his feet under hers. She laughs and the memory of two young kids dancing in the soft light of their shared room at Brain Camp flits through his mind. It’s fitting how its always been her, will always be her. Adamina wraps her arms around Kaidan’s shoulders and pulls his forehead to touch hers. They share a kiss and a long life together.

[ilyasvieltrevelyanshepard]

Alphabet prompts: T for shenko, please! :)

Thanks for the prompt! that one was hard >_

Let me know what you think!

PS: I made a short one! XDDDDDDDD

They left Virmire an hour ago, and Shepard has had a long chat with the Council. They have orders to rendezvous with the rest of the fleet at the Citadel. When she has finished the call, she had contacted Joker and asked him to take the long route to the Citadel.

Five minutes later, Shepard appeared on the cargo bay, wearing sweatpants and a tank top, ready to workout. She stops in the middle of the area, just in front of Ashley’s table and raises her voice for everyone to hear it. “I need the cargo bay empty for the next hour.” When Garrus is about to say something, she just shakes her head, silencing him. Wrex moves to engineering to talk with Adams, and soon the cargo is completely empty except for the Chief Engineer, who is locked in the Core room.

Once she is alone, she lets her powers flare, the anxiety of the combat and everything that happened on Virmire is like a wire inside of her, and every ticking second tenses it, threatening to break her self-control. Moving to her locker, she tries to ignore the pang of pain looking at Ashley's. Closing her eyes, she takes a breath, opening the door and recovering the training balls. She sits in the middle of the floor and let her power flow through her, picking the balls from the ground and making them dance in front of her eyes. This exercise always relaxed her, making her brain stop thinking about what was eating her. But this time… It isn't working. She feels the pang of pain in her heart, the pressure on her heart that keeps her from breathing, the sting of unshed tears in her eyes. The balls begin to tremble mid air, some of them falling to the floor with a thud. At last, just one remains in the air, and the tears have found their way out and run freely over her cheeks. The last ball fall, the sound of it is lost between her sobs. White knuckled fist resting on her thighs, face low while the tears fall on her arms and hands.

She didn't know how long has she been there, but it feels like she hasn't any more tears to shed. But what must be a good thing for other people, isn't for her, because the pure feeling of pain masked the rest. It helped to cover the guilty, the dreading feeling of having failed her, of having chosen the long straw for her knowing what it will mean for Ash. Hatred begins to run freely throughout her veins, making her body tremble. Her fingers twitch, dreaming of having something to hit, someone to kill.

The door to the cargo bay opens, and she even needs to look to know who it was. Her powers resonate with his in a way she never felt before. “Alenko, I ordered to let the area free for an hour, which includes you.” She can barely suppress the cold tone that the hate she feels from herself put to her voice.

Kaidan sighs, but didn't leave. “And an hour you had. In fact, more than an hour.”

Fighting against her numb legs, she stands, picking the balls from the ground and storing them again in her locker. When she closes it, her eyes stop on Ashley’s locker. Her name is still on it, as her things. The Bible, the poems books she likes to read to her, the vids her sisters send her every month. Raising a hand to her cheek, she finds more tears, and can barely suppress a sob before Kaidan is there, hugging her. The pressure on her chest came back, doubled, taking from her the ability to breathe. Kaidan cups her face in his hands, keeping her gaze centred in him. “Look at me, Jane. Breath. In and out. Come on, do it for me.”

With all the self-control she can muster, she grasps the hem of his shirt and tries to take a deep breath. The first one sounded ragged, broken between sobs, but the next one was better, and the next, and the next one, until her breathing is matched with his, even when tears keep flowing, totally uncared for. Hiding her face on his chest, she let her heart talk, for a change. “She's gone, Kaidan. She is dead because I'm a selfish woman and I chose you over her.”

His grasp on her tightens, crushing her on his chest. “Don't go there, Jane. You can be a lot of things, but none of them is selfish. How much of yourself have you lost already? How much are you willing to give?”

“But--”

With a kiss on her temple, he picks her in his arms, the energy to fight him lost in the last minutes. Bringing her to one of the crates near the area where the Requisition officer stays, he sits her on it. “No buts here, Jane. If someone has to feel awful, it has to be me. Is my life the one she saved, is my skin what you decided to protect. Besides, she even made time to send me a short message, knowing what will happen.” Raising his arm, he opens his omnitool and puts it in front of her eyes.

“Kaidan,

Don't let my present go to waste. What you have with her… God, Kaidan, Titanium is easy to find compared to this. Fight with her, then fight for her, and in the end, be the light of her life.

Take care of Skipper for me. Ash.”

Her eyes close after reading the words, dreading to look at him, knowing that she will break again with the onslaught of feelings her weak heart is having. But he didn’t give her time to recover or think. His hand cups her face, thumb caressing her lower lip. “After today, I don’t want to let my head dictates what I can do or when. I’ve been in love with you since the day we meet,  and my stupid heart says that I loved you even before, like I have been waiting for you to come back. We have survived some hellish days, but everything has led to this very moment. I will not wait anymore. I will not risk it again. Jane, will you let me help you to heal your heart? Maybe between the two of us, we can make a whole one?”

Kaidan feels her shuddering under his touch, and closes the distance, leaning his forehead on hers. “I’m not asking for anything, Jane. I just wanted to tell you, because life is short and I don’t want to go with those words inside.”

Opening her eyes, she raises a hand to touch his face. “Kaidan, I--”

Joker’s voice filled the cargo bay. “Commander, ETA to the Citadel, fifteen minutes.”

They sigh together, grinning while moving away. Kaidan helps her to stand and plants a kiss on her head. “Later?”

With a nod, she rubs her eyes to clean a bit the shed tears. “Later.”