#(the name i had earlier sounded dumb and unoriginal)

[starlitfunkster]

And then I shove my newest Yokai Watch OC into the faces of everyone.

...Go read the bio on DeviantArt. It makes my life easier.

Also, low key? I scheduled her post wrong. It was supposed to be posted earlier today, but I set it for tonight. Whoops! Well, what can I say, I was tired af-

[magical-beans]

Chapter 2: You’ll Shoot You’re Eye Out, Kid! (Danganronpa x Reader)

(G/N) = Given name

(S/N) = Surname

(N/N) = Nickname

Possible Trigger Warnings:  Blood/Gore, Mentions of Murder, Language

~死~

The obnoxious ring tone of an old phone rouses you out of your satisfying slumber, and you groan, fighting the urge to fall back asleep.  Your eyes crack open to see a sliver of sunlight, though the sun is likely just peeking over the horizon.  You had no intention of waking up this morning after eating a whole pizza yesterday.  It felt good to pass out in a food coma.   You groggily fumble around for the source of the noise, irritated at the wake-up call.

Your hand meets a piece of plastic, fingers closing around it to figure out what it is in the haze of your brain.  You move your fingers over the curved edge and the antenna-

The flip phone!

In your half-asleep state, you struggle to open the phone, accept the call, and press the phone to your ear before the ringing ends.

"Hello?" You cringe at the stiffness in your voice and the slight break in the middle of the word.  You swallow, trying to banish the dryness from your throat.

"Not a morning person, (N/N)-chan?" A voice cheers in your ear, distorted through the speaker. You don't reply, thinking only about how this isn't Joker on the phone.  The voice is feminine and doesn't have the same sharp edge to it as the boy from yesterday. "Well, that's okay! Meet us in ten minutes at the corner of 8 Jō North and 6 Chōme East by the old warehouse.  If you're late, we'll kill you! Toodles!"

The phone clicks and beeps as the call ends, and you lower it to your lap, staring at it for a moment in thought.

8 Jō North and 6 Chōme East.

Where was that again?

The old warehouse...?

Oh shit! I have to go!

You push off the wall you had been resting on and grab your duffel.  It contains the only stuff you own in it: a bunch of weapons and two changes of clothes. You break off in a dead sprint down the bare streets and ignore the dizziness that dances through your head.   A few cars and early birds are milling around, but most people who are awake now take the train to their offices. Good.  You need as much space as you can get.

That fucker couldn't have chosen a farther place, and he knows it.  You dart through buildings and alleys, scrambling to put together the fastest route.  It's a bonus you know this place like the back of your hand.  Courtesy of your job, you suppose.  You'll make it there right on time.  Joker can go suck a dick.

~死~

Desperation is a very important key to complete power. Complete loyalty. Complete servitude.

Ouma Kokichi knows this very well.

Because when someone is desperate, they want someone or something to rely on. To receive that, they will do anything.

So when Ouma Kokichi reaches out to someone to become his subordinate, he gives them a good, old-fashioned test.

If they are desperate enough, they will do the almost impossible task he gives them.  If not, they aren't worth his time. It's as simple as that.

(S/N) (G/N) comes hurtling out the alley next to the limo Ouma had shown up in, vaulting over the vehicle in an attempt to slow their momentum.

Two minutes early. Impressive.

Better yet, they're desperate enough to come all that way to see him.

They passed the test.

The sound of heavy panting fills the air, and (G/N) bends over their knees, struggling to regain their breath.

"(N/N)-chan! You made it!"

"Fuck... hah... you." They take deep breaths between their words, gulping down air as if it's the most precious thing in the world. They must have sprinted all the way here.

Good. The more they want it, the more they'll do.

Kokichi puts on a shit-eating grin.

"(N/N)-chan! That language is unacceptable!"

They stay silent, glaring at him.

"I shouldn't be surprised at your performance, though. You are the underground's best bodyguard, after all."

Still no response. Kokichi almost frowns. He was hoping for a little more reaction than that! He'll just have to push their buttons a little more.

"You aren't very talkative when you aren't high, are you?"

(G/N) is quiet for a moment, then finally speaks.

"It doesn't pay to have loose lips."

Kokichi giggles in his suspicious, bone-chilling manner and slips off the roof of the car. He opens the door for his new companion, welcoming them inside.

He's pleased. They're more composed than he thought they'd be.

"Welcome to the team, (N/N)-chan! Next stop? DICE headquarters!"

~死~

In truth, the only reason Ouma Kokichi had snagged (S/N) (G/N) off the street is the fact that he can't stand the sight of orphans and homeless youth.  Having been one himself at one point, it's easy to empathize with their situation, and it's even easier to offer them a spot in his ever-growing organization.  So, upon discovering that (G/N) was homeless, Kokichi's mind was made up. Give them housing and a simple office job, and he'd be on his way.

This is, of course, only until they reach headquarters.

The car ride has been quiet and uneventful.  (G/N) hasn't moved a muscle the whole time, and Kokichi and Ishida Aiko — the girl who had placed the phone call that morning — attempt to make conversation. They glean very few results.

Kokichi is so bored.  Maybe he should bother (G/N) until they snap. Yeah, but then they won't work for him.  Hmm...

His eyes slide to the black duffel tucked into (G/N)'s lap.

Perfect.

"Hey, (N/N)-chan, what's in the bag?"

They merely set the duffel on the floor and unzip it, allowing the other passengers to peek inside at the glints of metal and leather.  Come on!

Let's try that again.

"Woah!  You can use all these?"

"Yeah," they say, nodding as they recline in their seat.  Kokichi notices how comfortable they seem to be even in the stiff leather seating, and his heart clenches. (Not that he'd admit that to anybody.)

But that's still not a satisfactory reaction!  Do something!

"Cool!" He cheers.  Not really. "Can I touch them?" He doesn't wait for permission, already reaching for the bag.  Maybe he'll find a knife to play with.  That'll keep him entertained for all of, oh, a minute.  Longer than Aiko-chan, at least, and his phone.

Calloused fingers close around his wrist before he can slip his hand inside.

Kokichi glances up, fighting the urge to yank his hand away from the grip, and meets (G/N)'s stern glare.

No! Nuh-uh! Nope! Not having that!

He giggles to distract himself from the situation, pulling away slowly instead.

"I was kidding, (N/N)-chan!  Ooh!  I know!  You should show us how to use a weapon!" That would be entertaining, too!

Aiko giggles next to him, nodding her head vigorously in agreement.

(G/N) just huffs a harsh breath through their nose and zips the bag closed again, tucking it into their lap again.  Boo!

"Aww," Aiko whines, "you're no fun!" That's the smartest thing she's said all day!

The car then falls into silence, Aiko returning to her phone and (G/N) watching the buildings go by.  Kokichi weighs the merits of pretending to do something on his phone or staring out the window.  On the one hand, if he has his phone, Aiko will leave him alone, and that's really tempting.  On the other hand, he could try to creep out everybody in the car by staring blankly at the road.

Neither of them is looking at him.

Kokichi sighs.  Phone it is.

Bo~oring!

He opens his phone and stares at the home screen while he plays card games against himself in his head.

Eventually, the limo rolls to a stop next to one of the tallest high rises in the city, a massive pillar of metal and glass reaching up through the clouds.  It also happens to be a base of operations for DICE.

Finally!

The chauffeur gets out first, opening the door wide for Kokichi and Aiko.  Aiko steps out in a fit of giggles (ugh), and Kokichi tumbles out after her, grateful that he doesn't have to spend another minute in there.  (G/N) steps out on the other side, hefting their bag over their shoulder.

"Nuh-uh (N/N)-chan!" Kokichi reprimands childishly, one hand on his hip and the other outstretched, waving a slender finger.  He lets a mischievous look alight across his face and twinkle in his eyes. "The bag can't come with.  Now that you're working for me, you need new stuff!"

Only partly true, but hey, they don't need to know everything.  Welcome to the joys of being a new hire.

They frown slightly, readjusting the bag once more, and furrow their eyebrows at him.

Pffft.  They look so dumb.  Then again, they're clueless.  Everyone looks dumb when they're clueless.

... Does he look like that when he's clueless?

No.  Of course not! Ouma Kokichi is never clueless.  Duh.

The chauffeur rounds the car and holds out his hand expectantly.  After a few seconds of awkward silence and quick glances, (G/N) finally passes the bag over with a frustrated huff, stepping past the man.  Kokichi nearly laughs.  Nearly.

The limousine leaves before (G/N) reaches the curb.

"Shall we?" Aiko gestures grandly towards the building and skips onwards to the doors. Kokichi giggles, inwardly letting out an exasperated groan — she's imitating him!  How unoriginal! — then follows suit.  He sneaks a glance back at (G/N), who has fallen in step behind him, scanning the surroundings.

This is an office building for Enigmatic Jewelers: a company known for its creative settings and gorgeous stones.  It's also one of the four components that make up the elaborate scheme and corporation that is DICE.  A single building of its kind out of thousands worldwide.

Aiko flings the glass doors open, and Kokichi turns to face (G/N), walking backward as he offers an explanation.

"Welcome to DICE, recruit!" He spreads his arms wide, gesturing to the open and tactfully furnished atrium.  Behind him, Aiko prances up to the front desk, relaying the orders he had sent her earlier. "Don't slack off, or I'll have you killed!"

(G/N) offers no reaction.  Humph, disappointing.

"Come along now, your tour awaits!"

~死~

The office floor is a massive expanse of cubicles and desks.

The minute you step out of the elevator, you're affronted by the stench of cheap coffee and a sea of noise.  It's rather overwhelming.  You don't enjoy being in crowded rooms, especially so unprepared.  It's the best place for a mass murderer's last stand; so many people to kill, so little space to escape.  You straighten up, lending your senses to the surroundings.  Being surprised is not an option.

Aiko has pranced off somewhere, mentioning something about a friend.  Not that you would ever say it out loud, but you're grateful she's gone.  She's trying too hard to be something she's not.

Now you're alone with Joker -- sort of -- and you study the lines of his shoulders and arms as he walks.   He's saying things you're only half-listening to, prattling on about this and that.  You've been trying to get a read on him all morning, but the only thing you can sense is his abrasive exterior.  It makes you uneasy.  Then again, that's probably the point, so you try your best to push it aside, but it still gets on your nerves.  It makes you wonder how he does it, creates a total air about himself that's so utterly repelling.

And there was that moment in the car...

Joker raises his arm to point into an empty cubicle, but your focus is elsewhere.  Your gut is roiling, an unwelcome heat settling in your chest.  Something isn't right.

"And this is where-" You cut Joker off, ushering him into the cubicle as gently as you can with a hand on his shoulder.  He looks up at you, expression pinched and confused.

"Get down.  Now." Unfortunately, your voice doesn't hold the same tenderness.  Instead, it sounds gruff in its effort to remain low.  You can't see his reaction, but you can tell he's uncomfortable, and he's hesitating.  You pay him no mind, surveying the area above the cubicle in a search for what set off your instincts.  The longer he stands, though, you become antsier. You're a millisecond from shoving him to the floor when he finally pulls out the chair to sit down.

You breathe a sigh of relie-

Then the screaming starts, followed by the sound of gunshots.

Fucking-

"I heard you!  Where are you, you motherfucker?" A man stands up into view, a massive automatic rifle in hand, blood already spattered across his face.  A few people are struggling to get away, but there have been no fatal shots.  Okay, that's good.

You're off in a sprint before the man can finish his next shouts.

You leap over the first set of cubicles, sweeping paper off the nearest desk and up into the air.   Hopefully that obscures his vision.  While the gunman is distracted, you dash through the maze of desks, pushing people down and out of the line of fire.  When you're finally close enough, you roll under the line of his barrel and send a fist into his stomach.  As the man doubles over, you find your opportunity to separate the man and his weapon, and you take it.   You rip the gun from his hands, cracking it in half over the nearest desk, and throw it to the side.  You grab the attacker by his wrists and bind his hands behind his back then leverage yourself above him.  You grip the back of his head in one hand to push his face into the ground.

"Is there any particular reason you needed something so dangerous in an office?"

The guy coughs, air pushed out of him from the punch and his relocation to the ground.  Up close, he looks too young to be working an office job.  He ignores you, and instead growls, "Who the fuck are you?"

You grip his head tighter, pushing with a little more force against the bridge of his nose.  A threat. "I asked you a question first."

"And I don't fucking care!  Who do you think you are, huh?"

You shatter his nose against the floor as Joker rounds the corner. Damn, you were hoping he'd stay put. The man wails in agony, struggling against the hand that holds his wrists in place. Blood pools under his face.

"My, my, (N/N)-chan! Who knew you were so violent?" Joker's white converse enter your line of sight before they halt, but you don't look up, opting instead to keep your eyes trained on the attacker.  At the sound of the Devil's voice, the man struggles harder.

"You! You, you motherfucker, this is all your fault! All of it!"

He's jolting violently against your hands, making valiant efforts to escape you despite the amount of pain he must be in.   In an attempt to silence him, you brace your leg across his triceps and pull up on his wrists.

"Continue yelling and I break both of your arms."

"Hold on, (N/N)-chan! I want to hear what he has to say!  There sure are some interesting words coming out of that enormous mouth of his!" Joker doesn't sound the least bit concerned.

Joker crouches down to be more level with the attacker, and this time, you can see most of him. The tips of his inky hair curl into your vision.  The look on his face isn't visible, but you're sure it's some variation of a sadistic smile, the bastard.  Joker waits for the guy to speak again.

"I thought it was a good thing, you know?" the guy coughs again mid-sentence, spitting up more blood. "You invited me here, gave me a job.  I figured that this would be heaven compared to everything I've been through.  But no!  You've turned me into a goddamn robot, answering calls all day and managing sales!  I would rather be back on the streets again!  All the people here feel the same way! Let us go!"

"Let you go, you say?" Joker's voice lilts sweetly, and he brings a hand up to his face as though he's considering something. "I can do that!  All you had to do was ask!"

The guy stills under your hands.

You're confused, sort of relieved.  Shouldn't there be some kind of catch?

"...Really?"

"Of course!  I have no problem with blowing this whole place up!  How does the afterlife sound?"

Ah.  There it is.

And the squirming starts again.

The real question is why you thought Joker might have let him go.

"The afterlife?  You sick bastard.  I swear to God when I get my hands on you-" You press the guy's face harder into the floor, and he gets cut off by his own shout of pain.

"Hmm, well that's too bad.  (N/N)-chan, break his arms and knock him out.  He's coming with us." Joker stands up in a twirl not unlike how he had yesterday, and waves his hand nonchalantly, beckoning you to follow.

Well, you'll prepare for the worst.

You knock the guy out via pressure point before you break his arms, minimizing his pain.

It doesn't go unnoticed.

~死~

Kokichi enters the elevator again, (G/N) at his side.  The guy -- Kindaichi Tomura, because he would never forget someone -- is hanging over (G/N)'s shoulder.  Without Aiko, (G/N)'s presence is almost overwhelming in the compact space.  Even as they turn their back to set the guy down, Kokichi has to resist the urge to shiver and shrink away.

That's easy.  He has a lot of experience fighting that instinct in particular.

He's also curious.  So curious.  More curious than ridiculously creeped out.

He wants to know more.

"Where to?"

It's weird to think they're a year younger than he is.  All things considered, he's pretty impressed with the underground's best bodyguard.

That's a damn good gut instinct, too!  Like, Kokichi hadn't even thought it was possible to have a gun in there, but it is.  And -- he sneaks a glance at Kindaichi -- that's a shame.  To smuggle a gun past metal detectors?  It's almost too bad Kokichi has to get rid of him.

"My super top-secret lab!  We have to dispose of the body, you know?"

He lets his mouth go on autopilot for one minute, and this is the shit that comes out of his mouth?  Damn, that's good.

Also, what's with that?  A bodyguard who can't take a life?  (He's taking a guess, but Kokichi is seldom wrong.)  Yes, Kokichi supposes, their job is to protect, but shouldn't they be able to take a life in the interest of their client?  Isn't that how that's supposed to work?  While he's lost in his head, Kokichi almost misses (G/N) priceless reaction.

(G/N) frowns, looking down at the passed out, bloodied guy propped up on the elevator wall. "He's not dead."

"Whaaaat?  You didn't kill him, (N/N)-chan?  You were so scary back there I thought you didn't know how not to kill people!"

Okay, maybe a little far, but who is he if he doesn't push a few buttons?

Their frown deepens, and he wants to laugh, but they don't push any further on the topic.  Hmm.  More self-control than he expected.

"So we'll kill him and dispose of his body." They say it as more of a statement than a question, sure that's the outcome.  The disappointment and apprehension he hears in their voice make him want to cackle until he cries.

The elevator reaches the first floor, but the doors don't open.  From his pocket, Kokichi pulls a key chain that holds two dangling charms: one a grinning comedy mask, and the other a die, ten-sided.  He presses the point of the comedy mask into the key-slot, and the elevator starts up again, heading down.  Kokichi is on the verge of another bark of laughter when he senses (G/N) jolt in surprise but quickly schools his face.

"Of course not, Silly Goose!  How could you believe that?  We won't kill him.  We just have to make sure everyone thinks we did."

The elevator slides to a stop and the doors open, the screen above the door reading:

Floor Poker

Kokichi steps out and spins to face (G/N), scanning their face as it morphs into awe.  Well, that's a given.  The technology and equipment behind him are state of the art.  He grins.

"Welcome to DICE, (S/N) (G/N).  For real this time.  My name is Kokichi Ouma, but you can call me Boss."

They glance down at him, looking him straight in the eye as if gauging the truth of his statement.  Moments later, they smile softly.

"Please take care of me." They bow their head, and for the first time, Kokichi feels their presence relax and transform.  A wave of serenity pass over him, curling around him and filling him with something warm and soft.

Relief, care, safety.

Love.

Maybe not for the person in front of him, not yet, but for his work.  It's times like this that he knows everything was worth it.  Will always be worth it.

But supreme leaders can't stand in the comfort zone for too long!  Kokichi shakes his head to rid him of the weird thoughts.  Letting his familiar, mischievous grin slip into place, he prances further into the lab.

"Come on, (N/N)-chan!  We have a body to burn!"

The reply that makes its way back is warm in tone, bouncing with slight laughter.  Kokichi's heart fills a little more, already way past its capacity.

"Of course, Boss."

[ruby-static]

Something for my webcomic [WARNING: Very long and VERY rambly]

Hey, you thought this idea was DYING, didn’t you? Probably not, or you just don’t care, but hey. I know I have a habit of losing motivation in writing easily, but I’m still working on it! (And I made a better story planning strategy so that I don’t lose motivation.)

Sorry I’ve been so quiet, I was really busy these past two weeks. But now I’m back and I’ve made THIS! I’ve talked a bit about this kinda dumb but fun webcomic idea I’ve had based around both OCs and mascots, and I wanted to make something that gives you an idea of what it’ll be like. And what is this you ask? Well, I made some “posters” based off of the first 7-8 issues of the first arc!

I drew them to give you an idea of how the comic is going to start out. And I also want to provide a better source of information about the comic than the disorganized mess that was the information dump at the end of my “sketch demo”.

Okay, enough of the pointless stuff. Onto the actual story details under the “Keep Reading” button. You have been warned.

Series Synopsis:

On the island of Club Penguin, the director of the PSA chose a rather unusual penguin to add to their ranks. This penguin is Anna Steele, who was chosen after the brave search and rescue of her own teacher. At face value to penguins and agents alike, she is very skilled. There is something not a lot of penguins know about her that she keeps under the surface, which is the fact that she was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 10 years old. (Ah yes, because the topic of serious mental illness DEFINITELY fits within the context of a Club Penguin comic.) Regardless, she makes a very interesting agent.

In a mixture of stories both familiar and original, Anna will be put to the test as an agent in both the PSA and EPF.

Arc 1 (Robot Arc) Synopsis:

Anna has just graduated with her two friends, and has been recruited into the Penguin Secret Agency. This is at a time where Gary’s test robots have escaped, and now they are on the loose. 

This arc will be loosely based off of both the Elite Penguin Force video game and some of the earlier PSA missions. The main differences will be that it focuses on the PSA rather than the EPF (Meaning that Dot won’t be as directly involved.) and the actual abridged versions of the game issues starts with Rookie on the Rocks. (The puffle missions will kind of be in Issue 2 and in short “intermission” comics between issues.)

The arc will last around 27 issues. Yep. 27 issues. I have planned this thing way too much. Help me.

Issue 1 (Part 1) : Search and Rescue

(I’m using a simpler shading style for these. That’s because that’s the style I’m using for the comic so it comes out sooner. Sorry if it doesn’t look that good, it won’t affect the rest of my art.)

Synopsis: 

After waking up to another minor hallucinatory episode, Anna gets ready for the final two weeks of her senior year. She is 17, and soon to graduate. She is struggling to choose between a “promising future” in acting or inventing, but before the pressure of that choice can eat at her insides like the parasite it is, something arguably more concerning happens. It turns out that her teacher and counselor, Ms. Blackfeather, has somehow gone missing. After a surprise substitute teacher and her paranoid fears inspire her, she decides to investigate.

Issue 1(Part 2): Search and Rescue

Synopsis:

Anna is out for the day, and she decides to go on a search for her teacher. Her search leads her to several different places that give her some actually solid clues. After gathering all the clues, she decides to go out and try and rescue her teacher herself. 

Issue 2: You’re In!

Synopsis:

It looks like word of her little rescue has reached the PSA, and it turns out the Director is impressed enough to recruit her! Don’t worry, she’s just as confused in this decision as you are. After meeting again with a certain jetpack wearing penguin, she receives a note and is eventually led to the arcade above the Dance Club to be offered the position.  After reluctantly accepting, she’s brought in as a ‘trainee’ to meet with the agent Puffle Handler.

It looks like things are going to be a little more interesting after her graduation.

Issue 3: Graduation!

Synopsis: 

Well, it’s finally time. It’s graduation day for Anna and her close friends Bonnie and Quil. Their childhood is now far behind them as they push off into the next phase of their young lives. Terrifying, right? Anna is left uncertain as to what her future will hold. Hell, even Bonnie and Quill seem to have a better idea of what they want to do! Well actually that’s very debatable, but everyone is ready for whatever comes next.

Issue 4: Rookie on the Rocks

Synopsis: 

Loosely based off of the EPF DS game mission of the same name, Anna is called in for a surprise first mission. Apparently, an agent named Rookie has gone missing along with reports of a reckless snowboarder. This sounded about right for the guy. Anna, who has just pulled an operation like this, is chosen to search for him.

Issue 5: In search of a Scientist (Part 1)

Synopsis: 

Loosely based off of the EPF DS game mission “Looking for Clues”, It looks like another agent has gone missing. This time, it’s Gary the Gadget Guy. And it looks like Anna has to pull off another search and rescue to find him. Easy to say, this has been one hell of a week.

Issue 6: In Search of a Scientist (Part 2)

Synopsis: 

Loosely based off of the EPF DS mission “Do It Yourself Carting”, Anna has gathered all of the clues. This leads her to the mines where she has to make a minecart of her own and find Gary. And after finding the scientist, she finds that she actually gets along with him more than she’d expect. (Which is a miracle given her difficulty trusting others.)

Issue 7: Nerds Unite!

Synopsis:

Anna is finally done with the unplanned rescue missions and is ready to ease into her new agent life. While awkwardly hanging around in the HQ waiting for orders, she decides to check up on Gary since he seemed a bit injured the last time she saw him. And after she hears an explosion in the gadget room, she immediately investigates.

 And that’s pretty much all the previews. I’ll dump a little more information below, though.

Other Arcs:

I have a plan for several other arcs if this comic actually goes anywhere. I have ideas for both original and unoriginal arcs. These arcs include the Herbert Arc, the Herbert’s Revenge Arc, the short Operation Hibernation Arc, and a completely original arc that I can’t really describe because it’s honestly a bit too big to spoil. Let’s just call it the “Shit goes down” arc that leads to Operation Blackout. I’m probably putting WAY too much thought into something like this, but hey.

Uploading:

I don’t really have much an idea as to when the first issue will finally be complete at the moment, but I’m still trying to get it done as fast as I can. While I’d prefer to release the entire issue in one go, I might upload it a few pages at a time.

And yeah, that’s pretty much it. Kind of a weird comic idea, I know, but I hope you at least enjoy the art.

[sunshinechii-scenarios]

Day with Jun

I've been gone from my Day with SVT series oooooof. I haven't been very inspired recently for these which sucks but I know my creativity will come back, hopefully LOL. Check out our always updating masterlist for the other parts! - Chii

✿ Seventeen’s Jun x Gender Neutral Reader ✿ Fluff ✿ 1.8k words ✿  Not requested ✿  Written by Chii

I made that divider only for this blog’s use so please don’t take it or use in your own posts, thank you .- Chii

Your morning started much later than you expected. At 3 PM your phone rang and Jun woke you up with a loud good afternoon.

“I'll be there in 10!” You lazily mumbled a ‘mhm’ as you hung up the phone. You remembered that Jun was off today and wanted to relax with you. You had prepared face masks, dumb movies and snacks before hand.

You passed out right after the call and drifted back into dream world. A few seconds went by in your head while 10 minutes really passed. The doorbell was being rung quickly and you jolted out if bed.

You fixed your hair while you walked to the door and found Jun standing at it. He had a baby blue bag at his side. You stared at his outfit and frowned.

“Why are you wearing that?” He looked at his outfit and bought his brows together in confusion.

“What do you mean? I think I look good.”

“A leather jacket and jeans! I thought you would come in something comfortable.” You had wanted him to be at his maximum comfort today.

“I didn't get the memo we were supposed to look like we just rolled out of bed.” He said as he rolled his eyes and continued to stand in the door frame. You crossed your arms and pulled him in.

“Come in already you idiot! You’re lucky I have basketball shorts and a hoodie that fit you.” You said as you started to walk off to your bedroom. He took off his shoes, leaving him in his socks and following you.

By the time he entered the room, you were already halfway into your closet looking for the articles of clothing. You threw a pair of basketball shorts on the bed

“Change into those, you know where the bathroom is.” He took the shorts and went into the bathroom down the hall to change.

While he did so, you finally found the dark green hoodie from the depths of your closet. Jun entered the room and you aimed perfectly to throw it had his face.

“Is this the Clap hoodie?” He recognized the print on the back, Specialized Video Technology.

“Yes it is!” You smiled happily as he shrugged off his leather jacket, leaving him in just a tee-shirt.

“Why’d you buy one? I could have easily given you mine or gotten an extra.” He said while pushing his head through the small opening. His hair was a mess afterwards and caused you to laugh.

“Because I want to support you guys and be a good friend? Why is that a question?” You pushed him to sit on your bed as you fixed his hair by combing it with your fingers.

“Alright, whatever. What are we doing today anyway?” Jun said as he started to walk back to the living room with you behind him. You clapped your hands and smiled.

“We’re gonna get pampered!” His expression dropped, he was bewildered. He stopped walking, turned around and looked at you.

“Excuse me?”

“Well, you work a lot so you need some sort of relaxation, right? I also have a lot of movies to watch and I just got paid so food is on me!” You happily said to him. You wanted him to feel like he didn’t need to do any work today, it was the least you could do as his friend. He sighed and shook his head.

“I wish you would have told me that before I bought some of my mom's cooking over. She was taking a connecting flight and stopped by the dorms. She likes you more than she likes me.” He turned back around to walk and sit on the couch with multiple throw pillows and a large fluffy blanket.

“I think I like your mom more than I like you.” You said as you followed but didn’t sit down.

“Low blow. Why are you standing? Get down here.” Jun looked up at you but you turned your head ‘no’.

“Get comfortable! I'll get the stuff, there's a few movies already there, the remote is right in front of you! Choose anything!” Jun picked up the remote and began to flip through the movies you put into a playlist titled “For Junhui!”

He heard your footsteps and turned his head towards the sound to be face to face with a bunch of face masks.

“Choose one!” He rolled his eyes and nodded an okay as he randomly picked up a mask, aloe. You placed it on the couch as you went to put the other ones away.

“Perfect! Your skin looks dry anyway.” Jun stared at your with an offended look. You turned to see his unamused expression.

“Oh stop it! I mean it in the nicest way possible.” You hit his shoulder lightly.

“Yea, sure. I can’t help it, they don’t use the right makeup for my skin type.” He whined, thinking back to when they used a super matte, self-setting foundation on his face for a photoshoot.

“Okay, okay. Shush so I can put this on.” You said as you pat his shoulder. He rested his head on the couch as you stood behind it, ripping open the green packaging. You removed the slimy mask and unfolded it. Carefully, you fit it onto his face.

“You’re getting it in my mouth.” Jun mumbled as the mask started to coat his lips.

“Then stop moving!” You hit his shoulder then carefully pulled the mask off his lips before dabbing off the excess with a tissue. You noticed the pale and cracked skin.

“Gross, do you use chapstick?” You said as you threw the tissue on the coffee table to discard later.

“I think it wiped off on the hoodie in all honesty.” Jun said slowly to avoid the mask from slipping down his face and coating his lips again.

“I'll grab mine. Your lips look crusty.” He nodded while you went off to your room to grab the chapstick.

You applied the chapstick to his lips that looked a little too inviting even though they were gross looking. You shoved the blue tube in his hands while you excused yourself to the bathroom to cool down.

You closed and locked the door. Turning on the water, you splashed your face with the cold water. You found a tray of nail polish that your cousin left by the sink last time she visited and a great idea popped in your head.

Fast forward a little bit and Jun was patting in the extra face mask essence into his skin with one hand while you prepped the other for applying nail polish on.

“I really don't get why you’re painting my nails.” Jun said while you filed his nails. You felt the calluses on his hands and furrowed your brows for a few seconds until Jun called your name. 

“Do you think you could black?” He asked while his hand slipped out of yours to observe your job well done on his nails.

“I think so, why?” You asked as you looked through the tray in search for a black bottle.

“I'd rather do black than the light blue you have right now.” He said as he pointed to the bottle of baby blue polish on the table.

“Fair enough.” You opened the bottle and started to paint his hands. The warmth was still the same as ever.

While waiting for the layers of nail polish to dry, you kept an eye on the time.3:50 PM, 4:00 PM, 4:10 PM and 4:20 PM.

“Is that opaque enough for you?” You let go of his hands.

 “Reminds me of when I was a vampire for that drama.” You thought back to his actor days and tried to hold back a laugh for what you wanted to say next.

“Oh Mr.Junhui sir please don’t suck my blood and kill me!” You said in a very sarcastic way and it caused him to roll his eyes.

“You’re lucky my nails are still wet and I like them.” “Are you hungry by the way?” You said as you turned on the TV to slide a movie disk into it.

“Not really but let's order now. If we order any later than we’ll be stuck in the dinner rush.”

“Smart, pizza?” You asked.

“YES! I’ve been on this diet that Soonyoung put us on and I haven’t laid eyes on pizza in a month.” He groaned and you laughed at his manner.

You ordered the pizza but it looked like others got the same idea. There was an hour and 45 minute wait but Jun didn’t care. You pulled some snacks from the drawers in the kitchen and shared them between you two.

Jun took a photo of his nails and send them into the SVT group chat. They replied with a photo of a giant couch fort. Based on the photo, Vernon was taking the photo since you counted 11 boys in it.

“Do you think my nails are dry?” You shrugged and pushed the tip of your finger at his.

“Yes they are. Why?”

“Wanna build a fort?”

“Uh, yeah!” You two got to work and started to throw cushions and blankets all over the place. In half an hour your fort was erected in all its beige and soft glory. 

You two sat inside and dragged all the snacks in along with you. The comedy movie that you had put in earlier was just ending when Jun suggested something. A horror movie?

“Aren’t you bad with horror movies?”

“Sadly but where’s the fun in watching a comedy with my best friend?”

“Fine, I’ll dig something out.” You said as you walked away and came back a few minutes later with a Scary Movie disk in hand. Scary Movie was one of those movies that parodied the unoriginal scary movie cliches and made them funny.

(Scary Movie is rated R so please don’t watch it or the other movies in the series without an adult.)

The door rang when the climax of the movie had just died down. Jun offered to get it while you paused the movie. He sat down and opened the box in front of you two. 

“Are we really in a couch cushion fort setting pizza and watching Scary Movie right now?”

“Yes we are.” He rolled his eyes as he got another slice of pizza. His eyes drifted down to you leaning on him while covering your eyes. He wasn't a big fan of ghosts either but he blocked out the movie. You were much more entertaining. A light bulb went off in his head and he wanted to scare you. 

He unnoticeably moved his shoulder so his hand stopped right behind your back. The hand walked up your back. You screaming thinking it was a really big bug or a ghost, either one was bad. Jun’s laugher caused you to hit him. 

“Y/N, thanks for today.” He said sincerely as he hugged you lightly.

“Ah! What are you talking about? You decided to spend today with me instead of resting.” You tried to hide the blush that creeped on your cheeks and watched the movie on the screen.

“I made a good choice thought! I wish we could spend forever like this” Jun said. You wished the same.

I was in a RUSHHHH to finish this bc I felt bad that I hadn’t been keeping up with my written series that I work on! - Chii

Please don’t claim this as your own and please don’t do anything with it without my permission. If you don’t want it happening to you, don’t do it to others.

[pyro-flug]

Since I adored both of your prompt thing, how about something lighthearted this time, so 21. With paperhat (I know, so unoriginal to ask for the main ship of the fandom). Sending love your way, you beautiful, talented human

“Sometimes, being a complete nerd comes in handy.”

Blackhat sat at his desk, fingers pressed to his temples, trying to control his breathing. Across from him, sat Dr.Flug, looking to all the world as if he’d just won a large sum of money… well, technically he had, but that was besides the point. Blackhat took a moment to collect himself, steepled his fingers in front of him on the desk, and then began.

“So let me get this straight… you were transported to-” Blackhat paused to cough loudly into his fist. “To Belladonna’s, one of the few villains I refuse to deal with’s lair, and then forced to participate in a do or die game show like thing with some hero’s she’d trapped.”

“That basically it, sir,” Flug said and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

“And she had no idea that her transport device had malfunctioned and grabbed MY scientist, or she would have let you go immediately?”

“That’s what she said!”

“And this game show was basically a bunch of nerdy questions about shows like Star Trek, Star Wars, and other nerdy futuristic movies and shows?”

“Yeah! Who’d’ve figured that Belladonna was such a big nerd! All the heroes were knocked off pretty quick, but she realized after a while that I knew my stuff. She told me I’d won, gave me some monet, and then we got talking about out favorite episodes of Star Trek. Then we debated over which of the characters in Star Wars was technically the most evil-”

“All right, All right, I get it.” Blackhat cleared his throat and breathed in deeply. “So what you’re trying to tell me, is that you were kidnapped without my noticing, you could have been killed by this crazy super villain, but you’re quote-on-quote nerdiness saved your life, and then she let you go after winning a bunch of money off her.”

“Well I don’t think I was ever in any real danger-” The sound of Blackhat’s face slamming against his desk caused Flug to pause. “Sir? Are… are you okay?” A muffled,

“You’re going to be the death of me,” got Flug to rise from his seat.

“Ah jeez sir, I didn’t mean to worry you.” The doctor made his way around and slipped his arms under Blackhat’s from behind, resting his chin on the eldritch’s shoulder. “I really am okay, she didn’t hurt me.” More muffled grumbling.

“I’’m gonna kill her.” Blackhat stated flatly once he’d lifted his head from desk.

“Don’t do that sir! She invited me over to marathon all the Star wars episodes next week so we can critique them!” Flug exclaimed. Blackhat whipped his head around to stare wide-eyed at the scientist.

“You’re not allowed to go!’ He ordered. “What part of she could have killed you is not getting through your head!”

“But she just wants to watch the mo-”

“No! What do think is gonna happen when you say something she does not like! Why do think her name is BELLADONNA? She’ll slip the poison in your drink and then you’ll be dead!” Blackhat’s forehead hit the desk again with a THUNK. Flug was suppressing a bout of laughter.

But for Blackhat’s sanity, Flug sighed and gave in, saying,

“All right, I won’t go have a movie marathon with Belladonna.” A mischievous smile twisted the doctor’s lips, even as he tried to maintain a guise of innocence. “But then who will marathon all the Star Wars movies with me?” For effect, Flug gazed longingly into the distance when Blackhat glanced back at him. Blackhat shrugged Flug’s arms off of him and stood to tower over the man. Flug clasped his hands together in plea. With a SMACK, Blackhat slapped a hand over his own face and dragged it downward.

“FINE,” he relented. Flug punched the air and hugged Blackhat in his excitement.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, sir! You won’t regret this!” He squealed.

“That’s to be determined.”

–A bucket of popcorn, and 3 movies later—

“WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF JAR-JAR BINKS!” Flug was wheezing this laughter as Blackhat slammed his hands down on the coffee table. “THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO PURPOSE FOR HIM!” Flug was doubled over, clutching his stomach and tears in his eyes, as he cried out,

“I can’t how offended you are that Jar-Jar exists when there was so much-” A gasp for breath. “-more happening in these movies!”

“Well, I mean of course there was so much more happening. The whole fact that their was a secret clone army being built was extremely clever, and Palpatine is an extremely charismatic man to have pulled Anakin in like that, but WHY did they have such a dumb character that I thought would serve purpose and then didn’t!” Blackhat grabbed Flug by the shoulders and shook him. “WHY!?” Instead of giving him a direct answer, Flug picked up the case of the fourth movie.

“Do you want to keep watching?”

“Give me that!”

As the bright yellow script rolled up the screen, Blackhat tugged Flug closer until he was practically in his lap, and rested his chin on the doctor’s head.

“Look what you’ve done to me,” the eldritch mumbled. “I’m becoming a nerd too.” Flug snuggled closer to his boyfriend with a smile.

“Well, like I said earlier, sometimes, being a complete nerd comes in handy, sir. Especially when it gives you a chance watch movies and cuddle.” Blackhat’s skin darkened in the blue light coming off the T.V.

“Remind me why I’m going this again?” Blackhat muittered.

“Because you love me, and have also found yourself loving my nerd movies?”

“If that’s what you want to believe.”

“Next, I’m going to get you to watch the entire Star Trek orginal series with me!” Blackhat rolled his eye and snorted.

“Only if you watch them with me.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

I hope this is lighthearted enough for you, and that I also didn’t spoil star wars for anyone ;-; if I did i apologize profusely! You all just flatter me so much and all your compliments just make my day and encourage me to write more!! Thank you for the request anon, and I hope you enjoy this!!

[geekade]

Geekade Top Ten: Worst Mega Man Robot Masters

Last year, Jonathan and Kris put together their lists of the top ten Mega Man Robot Masters. It was quite a diverse lineup, with very little in the way of crossover between the two. This year, they decided to take a different approach and list off the very worst robot masters. This was arguably a little tougher thanks to there being no shortage of stupid ideas floating around Dr. Wily's brain. Nevertheless, the ground rules were set, and Jonathan and Kris put together their lists. The rules were as follows:

They have to be robot masters from the mainline numbered Mega Man series. No X, Legends, Zero, etc. 

None of those weird offshoot titles, otherwise it would probably have just been a list of the robot masters from the Mega Man MS DOS games.

They have to be from the "Something Man" category. We all know characters like Buster Rod G and Mercury are pretty silly. No need to mix them in with the rest of them. 

So, with those rules in place, we present to you, the worst Mega Man robot masters.

Jonathan’s #10. Toad Man – To be perfectly honest, I’ve got nothing against Toad Man’s stage, music, or the weapon obtained from him – it’s his design and the actual fight against him that are ridiculous. How threatening is a robotic toad?! What function do those warts on his head serve other than to say, “Hey, I’m gross and unlovable”? Other than the warts, he’s just a fat, green robot master. Toads have pretty long tongues, so where is this guy’s mouth? Wily must have pulled a Deadpool-in-Wolverine on him. Just don’t lick his belly and you’ll be fine. Speaking of his belly, he moonlights as a friggin’ belly-dancer. Watch out when he starts shaking that tummy, because it’s going to rain. Yep, the designers of this game figured that in order to make Toad Man’s “Rain Flush” activate, homey should swing them hips. But all of that can be avoided, because if you stay close to him and rapid-fire on the guy, he’ll just jump back and forth and this battle will be done in no time, and thank God for that.

Kris’s #10. Bubble Man – I can honestly say I’ve never seen Toad Man dance. I think I’m better off because of it. My #10 goes to Bubble Man. Bubble Man gets a lot of flak and deservedly so. At the end of the day, he’s kind of useless. Sure, his weapon is the only thing that can take down Dr. Wily, but as Alton Brown says about kitchen equipment “What else does it do?” A fat lot of nothing, that’s what. So why is Bubble Man so low on my list? Are there really 9 worse robot masters than him? Actually, yes, and I’ll tell you why. His design, stage, and music are all top-freaking-notch. If you judge him based on his appearance alone, he’s a pretty cool-looking character. His rotund nature doesn’t exactly do him any favors, but his face, webbed feet, and giant, seemingly-pointless red jewel thingy on his chest are cool. He’s even got a cannon on his head! In the hands of someone other than Wily, Bubble Man could have been a contender. His stage is one of the all-time classics in the series, from the awesome looking waterfall to the gigantic shrimp-barfing fish, to those annoying little frogs. Because his battle is basically a joke, he just barely beat out Pirate Man for my #10 spot, but while he sucks, he’s not the worst.

Jonathan’s #9. Sword Man – Oh Bubble Man, if you aren’t the Aqua Man of Mega Man games (wait a second…). Anyway, are you ready to get really bored during a robot-master fight? Bring a book and a snack, because the battle against Sword Man requires almost no effort. For a guy named Sword Man, shouldn’t he use his sword a bit more during the battle?! There’s just so much wasted potential here. His spinning attack is really the only threat, as long as you stay far enough away from him, but Mega Man can slide right under it! Well isn’t that convenient?! Stay on the other side of the room, shoot your lemons, and you’ll be fine. Allegedly, the reason that his body is split into two parts is because he’s too top-heavy, therefore the top portion has an anti-gravity device in it so he doesn’t constantly fall over. If that sounds stupid, it’s because it really, really is. Plus, the weapon you obtain from him sucks. Stand in place and swing a fiery sword! IN A SHOOTING GAME! And guess what the final boss’s weakness is?! His music and stage are both cool, but this guy’s design and battle are too flawed to overlook.

Kris’s #9. Centuar Man – Yeah, you’ll be hearing my thoughts on Sword Man in a minute. Where do I begin with Centuar Man? I mean, what’s the freaking point of this guy? Apparently, he was a tour guide before Wily weaponized him. I’m sorry, what? Somebody made a tour guide that looks like this? What kind of museum was designed to have a tour guide this gigantic and obtuse? He’s the size of a horse! And what’s his tail made of? Did Wily go out and get actual horse hair to make his tail? Why is that even there? There isn’t one single practical part of this guy’s design. Yes, he looks cool, but the best robot masters look cool in addition to being, you know, functional in some way. His stage is filled with some of the most boring music in the franchise, completely non-threatening pelican robots who spit robot fish at you, and Centaur Man himself has some weird time-altering powerup that isn’t exactly dripping with sense-making. I suppose the part where the water is on the ceiling and you have to jump through it is cool, but Centaur Man doesn’t deserve any credit for that. He can’t even jump! What kind of horse-man can’t jump??? He’s dumb and I’m done talking about him.

Jonathan’s #8. Bubble Man – Not to mention, "Centaur Flash" just sounds dirty and illegal! On to my #8. You had some excellent points about Bubble Man that I agree with – his stage and his music are excellent, but his design just irks the hell out of me. On the stage-select screen, that cannon on his head looks like a weird, limp, green penis, and why would Wily build an underwater robot master who needs goggles?! His attacks and his movements during the fight are laugh-out-loud funny. This guy has to slowly float himself down to the ground after unleashing a few bubbles and some underwater lemons because he can’t even move smoothly through water. As the first water-based robot master, bubbles are the scariest thing they could come up with?! Even a robot master named Water Man could imply drowning, but for me, bubbles mean the possibility of a bubble bath, and that’s just a good time for everyone. Except for Bubble Man, because he’s awful.

Kris’s #8. Gemini Man – What is this guy? I mean, what even is this guy? Gemini Man? He’s got a really slow laser and can make shoddy clones of himself. Why is he covered in pointy crystals? Are they even crystals? What do they have to do with Zodiac signs? Am I missing something here? This guy’s existence has confounded me since he first arrived in Mega Man 3 and his stage is no different. Yes, it’s a pretty great stage in the grand scheme of things, but it’s constantly changing colors, it’s got gigantic penguin robots with cranks on their heads (which also happen to shoot smaller penguin robots at you), and let’s not gloss over the tadpole looking things that hatch out of those egg things all over the level. WHY ARE WE HATCHING TADPOLE ROBOTS OUT OF EGGS? Why is any of this here? Why would anyone go to the trouble of building an area like this and why on earth would a self-proclaimed narcissist like Gemini Man hang out there? I…I’m just at a loss. I don’t understand. He does have redeeming qualities, so he’s not higher on the list, but what the actual hell, Wily?

Jonathan’s #7. Blizzard Man – I suppose naming him the cigarette-smoking Cancer Man would just be too risqué for Capcom. Bunch of prudes. Ready for an extremely impractical robot master?! Blizzard Man is a giant snowball and his feet are skis! If the snow melts, he’s useless. Worst of all, his name is complete false advertising. Nowhere in his stage is there a blizzard and this robot master can only cause 4 snowflakes to materialize at a time, which then move slowly toward you. On what planet is something like 4 snowflakes actually a threat?! (maybe on planet “this robot master sucks”) Guess what weapon you obtain from him?! Those 4 snowflakes! His only other attack involves him curling up into a ball and rolling himself at you. So…jump. His stage is very unoriginal; the whole ice motif has been done before and since, to much greater effect. And what the hell are time bombs doing in Canada?! Seriously, what is that all aboot? His stage music is ok, but Blizzard Man is definitely one robot master that should melt like snow in June.

Kris’s #7. Sword Man - You wield some valid points, not the least of which involve how dumb Sword Man is. I honestly think this idiot is the only Robot Master that manages to make another robot master crappy simply by existing. Like you said, his design is absurd, especially given his name. Sword Man should be imposing! Sword Man should be about more than sword, singular. Sword Man shouldn’t have to be segmented because his sword is too heavy. Sword Man should be awesome. Sword Man isn’t. As I was saying earlier, it’s like Wily over-corrected when he made Blade Man (that dude’s got like 50 swords sticking out of him and he didn’t need to be segmented for balance!), presumably because he saw how crappy Sword Man was and realized his error. Sword Man sucks and so does his flame sword (except in Smash Bros.). NEXT!

Jonathan's #6. Drill Man – The music has such an irritating pitch to it, I want to shove a drill into my ears to make it stop. Can someone explain to me why you need to hit a switch to make platforms magically appear? What does that have to do with drilling?! And ladybugs! Those goddamned ladybugs! I absolutely hate everything about Drill Man’s level. As someone who loves Crash Man, not liking this guy’s design says a lot. The drills where his hands should be look awkward and nothing about the drill on his head spells intimidating. He looks like a doofus with a dunce cap. This guy is the real Dive Man, because he constantly buries himself underground and that’s where he should stay forever. Honestly, his design had potential, but was executed very poorly. Ground Man is Drill Man done right.

Kris’s #6. Ring Man – That’s a very good point you wield there about Ground Man. Still, I didn’t mind Drill Man so much. We’ve seen more nonsensical things in stages before (Gemini Man’s stage). Ring Man, on the other hand, throws rings. In what universe is that even sort of harmful? Heck, there’s more potential danger from Bubble Lead than a Ring Boomerang, which itself makes absolutely no sense. Do the folks at Capcom not know how boomerangs work? Ring Man was specifically built for combat, too. Figure that one out. When designing a robot built for combat, covering him in gaudy jewelry isn’t exactly the first thing that comes to mind. I will admit that the whole outer space ring motif for his stage is kind of clever, but those disappearing rainbow/gold platforms can bite me and his stage music blows. His design somehow managing to look kinda cool is the only thing keeping him this low on the list.

Jonathan's #5. Plant Man – You've got some good points about Ring Man, but I love his stage music. It’s catchy! Plant Man gets my #5 primarily because of wasted potential, more false advertising, and a laughably terrible fight. His stage is fine and so is the music, although I don’t know why Mega Man must bounce through the forest to get to this guy. While Plant Man’s official picture doesn’t scream intimidating, it looks like he could have some tricks up his sleeve with those spikey vines. Fine, he’s got a stupid flower on his head, but certainly he can do some cool shit, right? Actually, no, he can’t – and that’s why he’s on my list. When you reach him, he doesn’t even look like an accurate representation of his picture, except for that damn head-flower. This guy does nothing but cause some petals to float around him as he jumps around the room, then he shoots them at you. Repeat that until you’ve destroyed him and forgotten about this joke of a battle. Wily could have given this guy a number of other attacks – a vine-whip, poisonous plants that sprout out of the ground that hurt you, but no. Why does such a lazily-designed robot master battle exist?! Then you get that petal shield as the weapon, and the petals don’t even look like petals – they look like infected tonsils. The potential was there and Capcom could not have missed the mark any more than they did.

Kris’s #5. Toad Man - I would have to agree with you about Plant Man’s battle being a huge let-down. But I’m going to have to disagree with you on the severity of Toad Man’s awfulness. Talk about a wasted boss battle, as you stated earlier, this guy’s such a pushover that you’ll likely never see what he’s capable of because he’s such an inept fighter. Seriously? Just shoot him with your regular weapon until he’s dead and he’ll do absolutely nothing to stop you? Where’s the tongue attack? Why isn’t he jumping around the room sticking to walls? His design has a ton of untapped potential, too. He looks like a giant robot toad, which is dumb. But if he was actually lethal like some adorable poisonous toads are, it would be a cool, unexpected trick. Rain Flush is a potentially very dangerous attack too. Imagine if he could do all sorts of other dangerous stuff, and the whole battle against him you have to fear him winding up the Rain Flush and maybe have to hit him a certain number of times before he unleashes it or something. You see that? I just came up with that on the fly, and I basically fixed Toad Man. Squandered potential there.

Jonathan's #4. Stone Man – Well at least we can agree that Toad Man should be Rain Flushed down the toilet. While my previous choices have at least hinted at redeeming qualities, Stone Man has none. Stone Man?! It’s as if the developers thought “Well shit, there’s already a Rock Man, so how about Boulder Man? No, that just sounds stupid. Stone Man, now that’s intimidating!” We did this stage already in both Mega Man 3 and Mega Man 4, why are we doing it again?! I understand that many stage designs get reused, but then there’s his music. It’s got this quick, repetitive, high-pitched sound that makes me wanna scream. Stone Man’s design is extremely plain and boring, and the fight with him isn’t any better. When Stone Man hits the ground and crumbles, everything shakes, but don’t worry, it doesn’t immobilize you the way that Hard Man’s stage did. So what’s the point?! The worst part about this guy is the weapon you obtain from defeating him – the Power Stone. It looks decent when Stone Man uses it, but forget it. This thing spins around at such an awkward angle, it’s impossible to aim and frequently misses whatever you’re trying to hit. At least you know what you’re getting with close-range weapons, but not this thing. Power Stone is always a surprise, the same way a flaming bag of dog shit on your front porch is a surprise. There’s no potential here – Stone Man should’ve never made the cut.

Kris’s #4. Jewel Man – Wow, really? I love Stone Man. I’m not saying you aren’t making some excellent points about his battle, weapon, and the fact that we’ve seen this stage before, but I love his stage music and those little bouncing baby Mets are adorable! But I digress. Jewel Man is dumb. His stage is dumb. It’s full of dumb enemies. The music is dumb. Those infuriating swinging platforms with spikes all around them are dumb. His design is dumb. His weapon is dumb. His battle is dumb. Everything about him is dumb, dumb, dumb. The only thing keeping him from being higher on the list is that nothing about him is overly offensive to me. It’s all just dumb and pretty pointless. Even his name‑Jewel Man. That really strikes terror, right? DUMB!

Jonathan's #3. Spring Man – Yep, I've hated Stone Man since childhood. And fun fact: There’s an embarrassing video on Facebook of me failing at Jewel Man’s level. You make some excellent points about him, but again, I've gotta say that Jewel Man’s music is catchy! Alright, onto the 3 robot masters whose very existences make my blood boil. Everything about Spring Man pisses me off. First of all, I know that not all robot masters are super-intimidating, but this guy looks like a goddamned joke, yet he’s got the most serious face. Stop it, you’re not scaring anyone. That head-bob he does before the battle just screams "I'm single and have no friends." His music, while certainly joyous, is irritating. His stage is annoying, what with all the bright colors and the jack-in-the-boxes that punch you. For a guy allegedly made out of a ton of springs, he certainly moves very slowlyand what’s with the “boing” sound he makes when he jumps?! We get it, homey, you’re Spring Man, no need to overcompensate for your shortcomings. He throws punches extremely slowly and you can kill him with the Noise Crush before the battle even begins. There are definite similarities between this guy and Clown Man, especially in level design and overall theme, but for some reason I love Clown Man and can’t stand anything about Spring Man. Just thinking about this guy makes me wanna break a slinky.

Kris’s #3. Star Man – Yeah, Spring Man is pretty silly, but if you want to talk about robot masters whose mere existences make me angry, one of the first that always comes to mind is Star Man. What a tremendous waste of potential. Think about all the crazy crap you could have done with star matter. Stars are scientifically awesome. So why in the cosmos did we end up with this jackass? There isn’t a single redeeming quality to his design. It’s impractical, hideous, and in no way intimidating. There’s simply no way to be agile with that gigantic metal star on his chest. I have no earthly idea why he’s painted dog-crap brown, and his other decorative stars on his helmet, forearms, and knees give Spring Man himself a run for his money in the silliness department. His stage is crap; the whole low-gravity thing basically makes it just like a water level. His music is crap; containing all manner of sour notes which I guess are supposed to sound “spacey,” but just come off as awful. His battle is crap; he basically just jumps up and tosses his shield at you, like he took lessons from Toad Man or something. And he’s even colored like crap, literally! And just because it bears repeating, we’re seriously going with the spinning shield powerup AGAIN with this guy? Of all the powers that could be derived from stars, this is the best we’ve got? Pitiful. 

Jonathan's #2. Aqua Man – I’ve actually always liked Star Man, but I don’t wanna get you angry. So this was a tough choice, but Aqua Man gets the #2 spot. The only plus that he gets is that his stage looks pretty, but that’s because of the Playstation's capabilities and Capcom's ingenuity, not this bastard. Aqua Man’s music makes me wanna take a nap and drown so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. Really, the music isn’t so terrible, it just does NOT belong in a Mega Man game. The mini boss is infuriating and I feel like some of that fight is just based on luck. The way Mega Man actually swims in this game just doesn’t make any sense. Maneuvering through certain areas of Aqua Man's level is a huge pain in the ass because, for some reason, Mega Man bounces as he swims. So Aqua Man is a water-storage robot who looks like he’s wearing a top-hat. This is so bad, it’s as laughable as it is annoying. And OH. MY. GOD! THAT VOICE!!!! Flamboyancy doesn’t irritate me, this stupid robot master with his offensive, caricature-esque flamboyancy irritates me! You’re not handsome and you’re not cute; stop talking and stop existing. He shoots a stream of water at you that literally arcs out of the way so you can avoid it and then he throws water balloons at you! This son of a bitch stopped by a 5th grader’s pool party to stock up before this battle and then that’s the weapon you get from him! AND IT’S ONE OF WILY’S WEAKNESSES! WATER BALLOONS!!!! Did Capcom think this was funny?! He’s even named after a DC character who’s the butt of every superhero joke! I’ve hated Aqua Man with a passion since I first laid eyes on him and he came so very close to taking my #1 spot.

Kris’s #2. Search Man – Damn, I can’t wait to see who your #1 is! My #2 goes to Search Man. And you know, I’m probably being too hard on the guy, er, guys? I don’t particularly care for Mega Man 8 for a multitude of reasons. Yes, it’s still a very good game and I’ve played through it multiple times. But there has always been a laundry list of issues surrounding this game for me and the robot master designs are pretty high up on it. To my eyes, Search Man is the ultimate example of the overdesigned nature of Mega Man 8’s bosses. It’s like they almost had it with this one. His body follows the classic formula, but they got to the top and said “It’s not complicated enough. Give him 2 heads!” There’s no logical rationale for that. It’s supposed to be because Wily thought having 2 heads would make it twice as smart or some half-cocked theory like that, but it’s all a bunch of bologna. There’s certainly good ideas there, but between his stage hiding a battle with Wood Man in it (Of all the classic robot masters to revisit, we get Wood Man?), his voice being just bizarre, and the whole 2 heads thing, I just can’t get over it. I see this guy and I just want to vomit. Search Man, to me, is one of the lowest points the classic Mega Man series has ever hit. It doesn’t get much worse than him. Well, maybe it does…

Jonathan's #1. Wood Man – Speaking of Wood Man! This was a tough decision, but in the end, Wood Man gets my #1 spot for a multitude of reasons. I’ve disliked this robot master since the age of 6 and my hatred for this guy has only grown over the years. But I’ll get this out of the way first – his music isn’t really bad. It’s got a quick beat and it’s energetic, but I can only take it in doses. The problem is that it’s a short song, so it repeats plenty of times during his stage. By the time I’ve reached Wood Man, I’m already irritated by the music, not to mention the ridiculousness of the enemies in this guy’s stage.

Can someone explain why there are giant dogs breathing fire underground?! This is a stage in a forest, but these dogs are breathing fire! Whose idea was this?! Do they want to burn the forest down with all the other enemy robots in it?! Out of every animal that they could’ve picked to put underground though, they picked giant, fire-breathing dogs. Could those hot dogs have possibly made sense anywhere else in the game, like maybe Heat Man’s stage?! And there are three very bland rooms later in the level each with a single robot bunny who will throw a carrot at you. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?! If you somehow survive those oh-so-threatening bunnies, watch out for the chicken-run! Leading up to Wood Man himself is an area where a bunch of chickens are getting the fuck away from the bastard as fast as they can.

All of these gripes aside, we then have the shit-stain of the hour – Wood Man. This guy has one of the most boring designs out of any robot master ever. I don’t know who thought that a small tree stump as a helmet would be threatening, but the actual game sprite makes Wood Man’s head look like it has an erection. He’s brown and black and boring! Even the official art doesn’t make him look threatening! And to activate his leaf-shield, homeboy punches his own boobs. That’s right, boob-punching for this guy gets leaves swirling around him. He shoots those leaves at you and then hops ever so slightly forward, and repeats. His short hops coupled with hitting his own wooden man-tits are some of the most comical movements to ever curse a Mega Man game. Cut him down with the Metal Blade or burn him to the ground with the Atomic Fire and be done with him. Anytime that I’ve played Mega Man 2 over the past 27 years, this guy has posed no threat, but that changed last August.

For those of you who don’t know, Geekade held a video game marathon called the Pain-in-the-Ass-a-thong to raise money for charity and Kris challenged me to give Mega Man: The Wily Wars a try. This game includes the first 3 Mega Man games, plus a few new levels, and the idea was for me to get through as much of it as possible in my 3-hour window. Mega Man 1 took a lot out of me, but I’ve played Mega Man 2 countless times, so it shouldn’t have been much of a problem, right? Wrong.

Wood Man shoots his Leaf Shield at you quite often during the battle, but it’s not really a problem to avoid – simply jump over it. In The Wily Wars, his Shield is most definitely bigger, because try as I might, I could not get over this thing without getting hit. I had an extremely difficult time beating this guy during the second battle with him. It took quite a long time, so I had to stare at this ugly, annoying, son of a bitch as he so idiotically hopped closer to me. Those goddamned leaves, man. Those goddamned leaves.

Speaking of those goddamned leaves, I don’t know how in the hell leaves can form a protective shield, but that’s the weapon you get from him. The problem is YOU CAN’T MOVE WITH THE THING! If you so much as tap either left or right, the shield gets shot in that direction, so if you need prolonged protection, you have to stand perfectly still. The problem with that is THIS GAME IS AN ACTION-PLATFORMER! The Leaf Shield takes out Air Man quickly, so that is literally the only use this ridiculous weapon has. I’ve never liked Wood Man, but the Pain-in-the-Ass-a-thon helped solidify my hatred for him. Don’t get me wrong, I’d fight him for hours if it’s for charity, but for all of the above-mentioned reasons, Wood Man is the worst robot master in Mega Man history.

Also, why not have just called him Leaf Man?! Fuck this guy.

Kris’s #1. Aqua Man – I always thought those things were road runners and that’s an excellent point about those dogs. Honestly though, Wood Man isn’t exactly the picture of cool, but he’s never bothered me all that much. This asshole though, bothers me to the highest degree. Every. Single. Thing. About this piece of garbage. Is. AWFUL. Think about this. If you include the Game Boy games, there have been 16 main line Mega Man games. Heck, let’s throw all that weird stuff in there too, like Mega Man Soccer and that weird board game thing. That gets us to somewhere around 30 games and never once has there been a Water Man. Even if we just count the robot masters that had been released up to Mega Man 8, we’ve got Bubble Man, Dive Man, and Wave Man, and instead of calling this walking fish tank Water Man, they go with Aqua Man? Like, the already established DC superhero Aquaman? THAT’S THE BEST YOU CAN DO? And look, I like DC’s Aquaman. I think he’s great. This clown though (no offense, Clown Man) is a piece of shit. I know Jonathan already covered a lot of this asshat’s problems, but let’s run down my list of grievances anyway.

The moment you click on his icon, you get to see the entirety of what you’re up against. He’s a chubby tank of water with what appears to be a top hat. There is not one single thing about his design that is practical, threatening, or cool. Not one goddamn thing. Then he does this weird contortion thing where he lifts one of his legs like he’s a dog about to mark his territory and squeals in a squeaky voice “I’m Aqua Man.” But this is no ordinary squeaky voice. Squeaky voices I can handle. Shit, Toad has had a scratchy squeaky voice since Super Mario Advance and it doesn’t bother me at all anymore. This guy though, he sounds like a sexual deviant. The only way I can properly describe the way he says his name is like he just sexually-assaulted a puppy and he knows he should be ashamed of himself for it, but he can’t help but giggle to himself through the shame because he just enjoyed violating that small creature so damn much. So after that completely unnerving experience, we get to his stageand it’s a swimming level. In a Mega Man game. Not just a water level, but a swimming level. This is just wrong in so many ways, but it’s made even worse by the smooth jazz pumping through your speakers. Yes, the game’s composer likely watched a bunch of Frasier and thought to himself, “I like this show’s music, but I think it would be better if it was about 10,000 times worse and set to a bland Mega Man stage.”

So you finally make it through this obnoxious level with all its dumb spike traps and time bombs and you arrive at the fight against the devil himself. He erupts out of a giant spout of water, strikes a very effeminate pose, and shoots a stream of water in the air that somehow mists a rainbow with the words AQUA MAN on it. In the same deviant tone as used earlier, he proclaims “I’m Aqua Man, but you can call me handsome, guy!” Once you can stop yourself from vomiting, the fight begins, and once he starts moving, you can see how there was a sliver of a good idea here, you know, before it was ruined by all that puppy rape. A heavy water tank jumping around a room creating forceful water attacks has potential. But instead, you get this freak screeching “water balloon” at you as he tosses not water balloons, but just balls of water at you. And then he’s got this water cannon move that couldn’t possibly hurt you. I mean, that kind of goes for this whole fight. You literally swam to get here, and now he’s tossing water at you and it hurts? I could see if he was shooting waves of water at you that were so forceful that you were slammed into a wall or something, but the water cannon is just a slow-moving stream of water. Why can’t I just walk through it? Piss poor design, that’s why.

When you finally blow this wet turd to bits, he exclaims “That was luck,” which is funny because I remember the first time I beat this guy I exclaimed “What the fuck?” and that rhymes. So I guess there’s that. Fun wordplay aside, this guy is a failure in every regard. Wasted potential, squandered ideas, shit design, crappy level, annoying stage music, pathetic weapon, and oh yeah, he’s a puppy-raping sexual deviant machine, the likes of which make leaving my kids alone with Waluigi seem like a sound babysitting strategy. Say what you will about Wood Man, but I’ll take a dumb wood helmet and rotating leaves over this scum any day of the week. 

And there you have it, folks – the worst of the worst robot masters. Were either of us right? Did your least favorite make it onto the list? Was it too mean of Jonathan to point out Wood Man's wooden man-tits? Just how disturbing was it to visualize Aqua Man committing puppy-rape? Let us know in the comments, and here's hoping that the new Mega Man cartoon doesn't suck as much as these robot masters do.