#(the last one is the funniest in a dark sense. like we know what the writer meant by that

[mx-paint]

.

[maxwell-grant]

“What's impressive?! I've been a boy this whole time!”

(Spoilers for Puss in Boots 2: The Last Wish)

Big Jack Horner was delightfully wretched and felt a lot like he was a Shrek villain stuck in a Puss in Boots movie and it made for a really interesting contrast, with everyone else in the forest going through swashbuckling adventures of personal growth and companionship, while he’s cheating and steamrolling his way through everything with darkly comedic brutality, quite literally pulling Shrek gags out of a bag as he just kills and burns and stomps his way through the magical wonderland.

It’s like he was designed to be the Final Boss of Shrek, except there’s currently no Shrek movies for him to be in so, into the Puss in Boots sequel he goes, almost like this dark embodiment of the shadow cast over the Puss in Boots franchise that it must surpass (and somehow did). He just does not play by any of the same rules everyone else does and it’s great, it lets everyone look better by default. It lets the Puss vs Death story play out in all it’s poetic glory but still gives the movie a proper bastard for everyone to gang up on. I didn’t think of that at first, but I’ve read some comments and wonderful analysis commenting on Jack Horner as a extended pisstake on Disney, an update of Lord Farquaad for modern times, and it’s an analysis that makes a lot of sense.

In that regard: while this couldn’t possibly have been intentional given their release dates so close to each other, I do think it’s pretty funny that Jack winds up connected to Pinocchio, a character who had having a rather busy 2022 if you can tell. Not only is he followed around by a bootleg Jiminy Cricket, but we see that Jack, who was extremely well-off and spoiled throughout his entire life, bears an incandescent bitterness against all magical creatures (and Pinocchio specifically) for taking attention away from his roadside show, which consisted entirely of him reciting his nursery rhyme over and over (even his family was shown bored by it), and so that’s why he wants to own ALL the magic in the world: so that nobody else gets any.

He, who already owns a massive empire and business and land and literally endless collections of powerful magical artifacts he can use to achieve anything he wants a trillion times over, who doesn’t even know what most of what he has does or is worth, is driven by the fact that Pinocchio upstaged him once,

and so nobody else should get to do anything like that ever again.

(Again, not saying this was remotely intentional, just a funny coincidence)

Also wonderful how his ultimate undoing comes from said bootleg Jiminy Cricket, one of the countless employees he’d abused and crushed over the movie, finally having enough and sending him his incendiary “resignation letter”. 2022 saw the year end with a movie where Jiminy Cricket ends a titanic corporate manchild’s reign of terror and life by setting a magical contract map on fire and freeing everyone from it.

It doesn’t even register as one of the best things about the movie only because the movie has SO many best things going on, that it can just casually work in one of the funniest Shrek subplots of all time like it’s easy. Still shocked at how good this film was and how much life they injected into it, perfect movie to end or start the year with.

[foolforharrry]

Bunnies And Buckets

Word count: 2.8k words

Summary: Protective Harry to just pure fluff at the end.

This doesn't really make all that much sense. Again. It went a lil away from what I had planned initially.

But i hope you like it anyway. And if you wanna read more of my work, I have it all linked on my masterlist.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated and if you have any requests please feel free to give them to me and I will do my absolute best to do it.

I love you 🫵🏻

“You’re imagining things, darling.”

“Am not!”, I protest, scowling up at him accusingly. “You totally fell asleep.”

Harry rolls his eyes, “I could tell you everything that happened at any time during the movie. Name a scene and I’ll prove it.”

“What did they do to the rabbit?”, I inquire. He tries his best to make it seem like he’s just building suspense and proving me wrong. We both know it’s useless because Harry dosed off exactly around that scene of ‘Now You See Me’.

The fluffy curls around his ears sway with the same wind that’s turned the tip of his perfect nose red and tinted his cheeks in the same colour. His arm is draped across my shoulders, keeping me tucked into his side as we stroll through the quiet park. The barely illuminated short cut peaceful and inviting despite my fear of the dangers that lurk in the darkness.

There hasn’t been one moment since we started down this gravely path where I’ve felt an ounce of fear or anxiety. The warmth and comfort of being so close to Harry quiet my mind in a way I had never experienced before him.

“It was turned into a pigeon.”

I almost feel bad for shaking my head, with how confident he seems in his answer. Magic tricks have never really been Harry’s thing, so I’m not exactly sure why he was so intent on going to see this movie in the first place. He has a habit of falling asleep if whatever movie or show we’re watching isn’t engaging him enough.

“Better luck next time pretty boy.”, I quip at him, momentarily tightening my arms around his waist.

If it weren’t for the way Harry is guiding us both, I would probably have tripped over my own two feet from how much I keep looking at his gorgeous face.

“Last time I’m taking you to the cinema, I swear.” The slight upturn to his mouth gives away that he’s not serious, but nevertheless, I give him my best pout, “Do you not want your girlfriend to be happy anymore?”

Harry opens his mouth to reply, but he’s interrupted by an unfamiliar voice popping our bubble.

“What are you doing out so late at night, sweetheart?”

Turning around at the speed of light, Harry keeps me behind him protectively, my own body tensing up with the immediate discomfort that settled in the pit of my stomach the second that sleazy voice spoke up.

“She’s with me. Now leave please.” Harry is curt and crystal clear, shoulders broad and tense as he stares at the man who’s leisurely closing the space between himself and Harry and me.

Everything about this stranger feels wrong.

From the way his eyes drag up and down my body to how he’s clearly intoxicated. The brown paper bag disguising alcohol gripped tightly in his hand and the way he’s stumbling every other step. He looks to be in his twenties. Dark messy hair and an expensive-looking suit.

“C’mon, popstar. Don’t be like that.” He slurs out, directing his attention to Harry now. “Big star like you? Bet your little whore wouldn’t mind being shared a little, huh.”

My nose wrinkles in disgust and I feel like I could throw up when his droopy eyes meet mine. The way he looks at me makes my skin crawl. I’m about to tell Harry that I just want to leave, but before I get the chance to he’s taking a strong step forward, making the man stop in his tracks.

“What the fuck did you just say?”, he snaps in a tone I’ve never heard from him before. It’s low and angry and he sounds dangerous.

But in the fucked-up state of mind, the stranger just laughs maniacally as if Harry had just delivered the funniest joke he’s heard in his life.

“Harry, leave it.”, I beg Harry quietly, gripping his arm to get his attention. “He’s not worth it.”

I’m not even sure if he heard what I said as he doesn’t budge when I tug on his jacket.

Instead, Harry takes another step forward, leaving me to wrap my arms around my body as a sort of shield from the anxiety that’s making it difficult to catch my breath.

“I’m gonna give you one chance to get the fuck out of here before I break your nose.”

The man stops laughing, instead straightening himself, gesturing to me, “You willing to ruin your squeaky-clean record for some cheap slut?”

Before I can even process what’s happening, the man is on the ground and Harry is standing over him with his whole body vibrating with anger. I can see Harry’s mouth moving, forming words at him, but all I hear is noise.

I can feel my own body shake with all the strong emotions ravaging my veins.

Our night changed so quickly that I’m not even sure how we ended up here.

One moment I was teasing Harry about how he had fallen asleep at the cinema, feeling so safe and serene, just disgustingly content. And now I’m frozen. From fright or shock or disgust or all three, I don’t know.

It isn’t until Harry’s face morphs from fury to concern when he looks at me that I realise that there are tears tumbling down my cheeks.

“Oh, baby c’mere.” Harry wraps me up in his arms and I fall into him instantly with a sob. Clinging to his back as if he would disappear if I were to let go of him even for a second. My face is smushed into his firm chest, no doubt staining his jacket with salty tears and mascara.

Shushing me, Harry keeps a protective hand on the back of my head as he rubs my back to help me calm down all while coaxing me to walk with him.

And I do, blindly setting one foot behind the other and trusting him to not let me fall.

“I’m fine, I promise.” Harry steps in front of me, blocking my access to the staircase.

“You’re not.”, I tell him. “You need to ice that hand.”

As he’s about to protest again, I grab his wrist before gently brushing my fingertips against his knuckles. The contact has Harry whining in pain and ripping his hand away from me, cradling it to his chest. “Ow! What’d you do that for?”

“If you want that to get better faster, you have to ice it for a bit.”, I explain even though I know he knows it. “Acting tough doesn’t help.”

Harry considers it for a moment before he steps aside, “Ok, you win.”

Cupping his jaw, I stand on my tippy toes to plant a kiss on his lips, Harry’s hand automatically going to the small of my back. “Good boy.”, I say jokingly before giving him a last peck and bouncing down the stairs to fetch him his frozen back of peas along with a tea towel.

The “You’re lucky I love you” that was sent my way nearly had me tumbling down the last couple of steps from laughter.

Harry is in the exact spot I left him, a grumpy pout on his lips.

“Here.” I hand him the towel-wrapped bag of peas, which he accepts, a small thank you mumbled as we make our way down the hallway, turning right and into our bedroom.

Even though we don’t officially live together, it might as well be ours considering that every time Harry has time off, he stays here.

At first, I was shocked he even wanted to come visit, let alone sleep here since I have two roommates. Now, a year and a half later, he adores them and they’re equally fond of him. It’s gotten to the point that Lauren said she and Vera would kick me out on my ass and give my room and space in the fridge to Harry if it came down to it.

Can’t say I blame them.

Harry wraps his arms around my waist from behind, pulling me out of my thoughts as I relax into him and his familiar scent. That is until I feel a freezing cold hand sneak under my shirt and lay flat on my tummy.

The stark contrast in temperature has me screeching and pushing his hands off me, careful not to hurt his bruised one.

The words die on my tongue as I watch Harry double over in laughter, bracing himself on his knees to keep upright. Any frustration I had at him for that freezing cold hand dissipates and turns into swarming butterflies as I can’t help but join him, my demonic laughter joining his.

Once we’ve both calmed down, Harry hugs me again, this time without the cold. Instead, the loving kiss he places on top of my head has a warmth travelling through my whole body.

“I love you, and I’m so sorry about what happened.”, he murmurs, nose buried in my hair.

I shake my head. “There is nothing to be sorry about, my love.”, I tell him for what feels like the hundredth time.

He has been apologising so many times for punching that man ever since it happened.

“No, there is.”, Harry protests, pulling away enough to look me in the eye, his hands cupping my face tenderly. “I don’t know what came over me. I was so scared for you just thinking about what could’ve happened if you were alone. And when he said those things, I just snapped. And I shouldn’t have. I should’ve gotten us out of there and not escalated it. I scared you and I fucking hate myself for-”

“Hey, stop that.”, I interrupt him, “I get why you did it, baby. If he spoke about you like that I would’ve punched him too.”

Harry laughs at that, and the sound tugs a smile on my face automatically.

Still, I tell him seriously; “But you didn’t scare me. He scared me. People like him scare me. What people like him do scares me. Never you. You’re the person I feel safest with than anyone else on this whole, stupid planet.”

“Do you promise?” He searches my eyes as if to see if I’m lying when I tell him yes. The relief that washes over his face when he believes that I’m being 100% honest is like someone just smoothed out all the unusually harsh lines that contoured his features.

“Plus. You defending my honour was kinda hot. I’m not gonna lie.”

Shaking his head, Harry rolls his eyes playfully, “You’re fucking impossible.” “You love it though.”

“I do.”, Harry nods, dipping down and connecting our lips in a sweet kiss, my eyes fluttering close as I hum into it.

I’m never going to get tired of the feeling of his soft lips on mine.

“Ok, wanna make that bucket list now?”, Harry asks once he pulls away, caressing my cheek with the pad of his thumb. Nuzzling into his hand, I nod, “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

Reaching into my nightstand drawer, I pull out my journal and pencil case while Harry lights the lavender-scented candle on my desk, sending me a sweet smile when our eyes meet. While I’ve always been a sucker for scented candles, my love for them is nothing compared to Harry’s.

Almost as if he read my mind, Harry says; “We need to order some more candles. I found some online the other day if you want to try something new.”

“What were you thinking?”, I ask as I slide onto the bed, my back against the various pastel-coloured throw pillows. Shuffling in next to me, head on my shoulder Harry lets out a relieved sigh as he holds the cold peas to his hand.

“I thought cherry, pomegranate or pumpkin sounded pretty nice.”, he tells me.

Kissing the top of his head, I hum in agreement. “Yeah, let’s buy those.”

“Now. Let’s get this bucket list going, shall we?” The excitement in his voice is infectious and I can’t help but smile as I flip to the first free page in my tattered, leather-bound journal.

I write ‘Bucket list’ in large letters on top of the lined page. My heart swells in my chest when Harry takes the black pen from my grasp and takes a minute doodling flowers and small hearts with a line across the middle. His tongue pokes out in concentration and the only sounds in the room come from the tip of the pen dragging across the paper and Harry’s soft hums.

“You’re so damn adorable.”, I speak my mind, making Harry stop what he’s doing, a half-smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as he lifts his head from my shoulder to look at me. “Yeah? You think so?”

“The cutest.”, I confirm, booping his nose with my pointer finger. A squeal leaves my mouth when Harry tickles my stomach. A smile bright enough to light up the world on his face as I firmly plant his hand back on his thigh, my cheeks flush with colour.

Harry kisses my shoulder as he settles his head back against it. “And you call me the cutest.” He says it as if it’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever uttered out loud.

As soon as we get started on the list, it grows with points neither of us even considered until now. Everything from wanting to adopt a pet bunny and name it Dora to parachuting. It’s as if the second we let ourselves just say all of our little hopes and big dreams without judgement crossing either of our minds.

“Are you serious, Harry?”, I ask him through tears of laughter. The shock of what came out of his mouth had me clutching my stomach from laughter for the past few minutes while Harry just observed as I tried to catch my breath with amusement and fondness on his face any time I managed to keep my eyes open for long enough.

Once I’ve calmed down, Harry kisses my burning cheek lovingly before he says matter of factly, “Anyone would want to have sex on a pile of money.”

“Whatever you say.” I don’t question it anymore and write his wish down right below dog sledding. “I can’t think of anything else right now.”, I confess.

Harry smiles softly at me. “Me neither. But I think we did pretty good.”

“Me too.”, I agree. “Where were you thinking of crashing a wedding though?”

He thinks for a second, the crease between his eyebrows deepening in thought, “I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. But I wanna give a speech to the happy couple.”

“What would be in this speech?”

“Seeing that we would wait to crash this wedding for a few years, I would reminisce about the time I got married to my loving wife, Helga. Throw in some words about how I hope they have a marriage as happy as ours. And of course to remember that if either of them snores as bad as Helga, earplugs are their new best friend.”

I brush the curls that have fallen in front of his eyes back off of his forehead again. “And who is this Helga you’re married to in the future?”

“We can’t use our real names, now, can we?”

I’m not quite sure if it’s the meaning behind his words or the way he’s looking at me as if I hung the moon for him or both but before I know it, my throat is tight with emotion and I’m burying my face in the crook of Harry’s neck to hide the tears that are leaking from my eyes.

“Hey, darling. What’s wrong?”, Harry asks, wrapping his arms around me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“You can’t just say shit like that and expect me not to.”, I whine, more tears wetting the warm his soft, warm skin.

“Oh, my love.”, Harry chuckles, “I thought I’d made it obvious that I wanted to put a ring on you someday.”

Detaching my face from his damp neck, I warn him; “That’s not fucking funny, Harry.”

“I’m not fucking joking.” The impossible warmth that spreads from my heart and fills my whole chest from his words as he swipes the tear streaks off my cheeks with his thumbs has more falling from my eyes. The pure sincerity and love bathing in his sage green eyes make me feel like I’m floating on a pink cloud, and I never want to get off.

What if I don’t ever want to marry you?”, I ask teasingly.

Harry doesn’t miss a beat, “Then I’ll keep asking until you’re so sick of hearing ‘Will make me the happiest man alive and marry me?’, that you’ll just have to say yes.”

-

[onlymurdersintheafterparty]

OMITB S4:E8 "Lifeboat"

This episode was really interesting. More questions answered and even more created now that we know what went on with the Westies. Given all the theories out there the ending wasn't too surprising but I do wonder how all of this will be explained in the final episode. At this point I don't have many theories left I'm just waiting on the denouement. All in all I enjoyed it. Spoilers ahead!

I can't believe Dudenoff's death was that simple. I'm not even going to lie I just found the whole thing so sad. He was lonely and grieving his wife and then created a found family that he loved so much he wanted to protect them even in death. Poor Helga who was so scared and convinced that someone did something to him. What I don't understand though is why they called her the wrong kind of Westie and scratched her face out in the picture. They acted like she was a villain or something when all she was trying to do was figure out what happened to Dudenoff. There was a theory on the subreddit that Helga was the one giving Sazz information and now it's confirmed so this is a new turn of events. I'm with Mabel on not ratting them out but with Dudenoff confirmed to be dead how are they going to continue this rent scheme? The police know so the jig is up. Or is this reveal just so that the trio would sympathize with them and not rat them out to the police?

Glen being the stuntman that Sazz was referring to still feels like a red herring to me. We know that he is mentally unwell because of the hallucinated rats but I still don't think he's our killer. I'm thinking Glen is part of the group that killed Sazz and the mastermind shot him to keep him from confessing or it's as simple as the common theory that Marshall is the killer and shot him because he recognized him outside of his disguise. With Glen being in a coma we probably won't learn either outcome until the season finale or the very end of the next episode. Sazz said that this stuntman messed up badly and would be the death of her. She's dead and he's in a coma so she was right but the fact that he was shot means that some sort of cover up is in place for whatever it is that he did and whoever else knows it.

The Westies showing up and waving a knife and everyone just going along with it is so wild to me. It was 6 against 5 and I know Rudy is fit but surely they could have still held their own. It makes sense they didn't react though because they needed the confession. Rudy doing the entire monologue and everyone progressively getting emotionally drained was so funny. Zach has had the funniest quotes this season and I hope someone does a video edit including them all.

Charles really needs therapy when the case is solved because the way he's unraveling and doesn't even know how to process his anger is so sad to watch. Eugene better be careful what he wishes for because when Charles fully snaps and lets all his anger out it's not going to be pretty. I wouldn't be surprised if upon learning who killed Sazz he attacks them (not fatally) and has a full breakdown.

Every week I see the same theory that Loretta will die and I'm starting to get scared this may actually happen. I get them being sentimental about The Arconia but it's full of so much death I can't believe that they would plan their wedding there. Oliver has lost so much and Charles just lost his best friend so do you think the writers will really go there? Maybe it will be a bridesmaid or someone else in the bridal or groom party who is killed. I just feel like instead of killing her off they can just write out her character by saying that she and Oliver travel back and forth to see each other and that explains why she's not onscreen. They've been making it work now so no need to take such a dark route.

I'm so excited for the last two episodes and to see how this all plays out. The Westies never confirmed that it was them sending the letters or bugging the apartments so the mastermind is still out there waiting. This also means that there must be another murder that has gone unnoticed. On a recent youtube video, Matt & Jess TV mentioned Charles' quote in the pilot about the bodies buried in the back of a 14 story building as well as Marv mentioning the Sixth Street Slasher so it looks like there's still a cold case to solve.

And to wrap this all up I just have one question: WHERE IS THEO?

[fwitolei]

The Dragon Prince Thoughts 6x08 - We All Fall Down

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Spoilers under the cut

Omgg i’m so scared—

AHH

And it starts

Omg sol regem banging into the towers and stuff too this is wild

OH NO THEY’RE TRAPPED

Shit—

OH SHIT

SOREN NO—

Plsbeokayplsbeokayplsbeokayplsbeokay—

HE’S ALIVE WHOO

Omg babeee ur bleeding—

Now he’s really gonna have a scar like corvus

“Get everyone out”

See he learned from the pyrrah incident in s2 he’s prioritizing the people now that he’s not in the whole “xadia is evil” mindset

Hey wait where’s he going—

“Take good care of Hat.”

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

SOREN—honey—wHaT aRe YoU dOiNg—

WHAT

AARAVOS IS CONTROLLING PHAROS—

Is this cuz the dark magic infection thingy

Omg viren’s been in there for a long time lmao—

“You have your other way! Dark magic!”

Notice how soren said “your other way” as if he still doesn’t condone it, but he knows it’s the only way to save everyone

Dark magic is so nuanced in situations like these like yeah it’s last resort but if you’re someone who hates it with a passion and then you end up needing it what are you supposed to do

Do you give up your ideals for the greater good or stand your ground and risk disaster

That’s why i love this show so much there’s no clear bad guy

“Take my heart.”

SOREN N O

S T O P

NO

I mean what else is he supposed to do yeah but STILL—

N O O O O O O o o O omg pls—

No not soren

Omg i’m so scared not soren PLEASE—

I’m actually gonna cry if he dies please no—

OH MY GOSH IS VIREN USING HIS OWN HEART—

GAHHH I CAN’T TAKE IT

Just as i forgave him too—

GAHH NO it’s the way he’s ACTIVELY DYING while doing the spell to the point he can barely say the incantation 😭😭😭😭😭😭

“I am a… servant.”

This scene pretty much speaks for itself idrk what to say

This shit is sad like fuck—

“My dad! I need to find my dad!”

CLAUDIA NO

Oooomg she’s gonna lose it if she finds him

Full azula mode

“What happened to your beloved mate who disappeared?”

Is he says he ate her imma pop off—

Who even is aithne solaire? Was she mentionedin something?

“In your fury, you buried her.. Alive.”

WHAT THE FUCK—

Like actually???

Not the way aaravos just dies laughing after dropping the darkest most depressing truth bomb ever—

OMG HE ATE PHAROS

“Choke on your own pride.”

HOW THE FUCK IS HE CHOKING ON A TINY LITTLE ELF

Oh my gosh—

This is just brutal

i'm terrified of choking too so it's that much worse

AND HE CATCHES ON FIRE—

“I don’t think you should see him like this.”

Ugh i love terry for being so considerate after everything she’s done

Like yes save the last of her sanity while she still has it

This episode is hard to watch—

The voice acting is impeccable tho like give claudia’s va a raise

OH SHIT SHE FOUND THE PEARL—

Lujanne giving no fucks about the crown is the funniest thing

But wtf is she talking about the diamond don’t tell me it’s fake—

“Her dad just died. Can’t she just take a moment to grieve?”

FINALLY Terry’s talking sense like shit aaravos at least give her a minute—

I KNEW IT

I FUCKIN KNEW IT

VIREN’S STAFF HAS A QUASAR DIAMOND

I literally said it like 2-3 episodes ago too

WAIT THAT MEANS—

“I can only save two of them.”

Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me—

Alright y’all it’s a wrap. Katolis is gone, viren is dead, aaravos is getting out, it’s a whole ass shit show. Ooooooomg i’m scaredddddd. Especially when callum finds out the real pearl was in katolis all along, i guarantee you he’s gonna spiral like he did in kosmo’s vision. This episode was really hard to watch, I was surprised, but in a good way. One more episode to go, then season sevennnnnnnnn whoooo

Time to cry :D

[whositmcwhatsit]

Save Me

Written for the prompt: How are we going to solve this problem?

1976 Elvis in a leather coat for my beloved @vintageshanny This one got away from me, there's so much more to come!

@thatbanditqueen, @be-my-ally, @missmaywemeetagain, @ellie-24, @from-memphis-with-love, you are the best, funniest, kindest and most awesome people.

The air shimmered and glittered across the tarmac of the highway, promising oases, lights and civilisation, all of which would turn out to be mirages, as Cindy had discovered after walking five miles in the unrelenting searing wind wearing cowboy boots. The lukewarm can of coke she had been nursing the entire way was bone dry now and she had to admit that she was beginning to panic.

It made no sense, this highway was usually jam packed with people heading to and from LA for the  weekend, but there had only been a smattering of traffic heading in either direction, and none of the hoity toity rich folks had apparently felt inclined to stop for a dusty, sweaty woman standing by the side of the road.

No one at home would even realise anything was amiss before Monday when she was supposed to be at work. They’d probably call home to find out why she was missing her shift, and her dad would think she was pulling a sick day and cover for her, not knowing… God, she was going to end up being eaten alive by buzzards. She squinted up at the sky, paranoid that she could see shadows circling overhead.

The cream car slid through the glimmering haze like it was heaven sent, its gold-plated grille and finishes adding to the surreal quality as it sped on, looking like it was going to rush past her in a fog of sand and exhaust fumes like all the others. It was heading in the wrong direction anyway, she told herself. Though there was no wrong direction away from death by overheating and scavengers.

The sound of tyres skidding in grit behind her made her turn and she saw the car had stopped a couple of hundred yards up the road. She paused, surprised, then broke into an anxious jog, almost sliding over in the roadside dust, her boot soles worn to slipperiness.

Coming to the driver’s window, she hesitated as, instead of the usual well to do middle aged couple or family, she came face to face with a car full of men. They were all wearing sunglasses and, frankly, unwelcoming expressions.

“Uh, thank you for stopping,” she mumbled, her tongue dry and oversized in her mouth. “I was starting to get worried.” The moustachioed man at the wheel just stared at her from behind dark brown lenses.

“Where you headed, honey?” asked a soft voice in the backseat. She frowned, shooting a last look at the blank faced driver before side-stepping to the window behind. She blinked rapidly, sure that what she saw was the result of dehydration, heatstroke and probably the remnants of the acid she had ingested at the beginning of road trip yesterday.

“Uh, well, I was heading back to LA,” she managed, nodding her head in the opposite direction, “but right now I’d settle for a ride to the nearest town with a phone.”

“You got car trouble?”

“In a way,” she shrugged, not wanting to go into her pathetic predicament with him, of all people. She didn’t miss the way that the other men in the car were looking at each other, sharing some sort of communication, and it made her question how desperate her situation really was. Maybe she could wait for the next car…

“You know, my guys here think that we should’ve driven right on by you. They said you could be dangerous like one of those Manson chicks. You know what a honeypot is, darlin’?” She could hear someone sniggering inside the car.

“I’m not anyone’s chick,” she retorted, rubbing sand out of her eye. “And definitely not that psycho’s. Look, thanks for stopping, but I’m fine.” She stomped off, heading back to where she had been standing.

Wrapping her hands around herself, she tried to force her heart to stop pounding. She would be fine, someone would come along, a nice family with a dog she could pet. It would all be fine.

She clenched her jaw as she heard a car door click shut and then heavy footsteps crunch towards her.

“Goddamn, it’s hot,” said Elvis Presley as he stopped at her side wearing a knee length leather coat fastened and belted in the California desert. He must’ve caught her look because he hiccupped a laugh and glanced down at himself. “Well, the car has air conditioning… A-a-and not all of us can look as good as you do in little shorts, honey.” She snorted in spite of herself, feeling her shoulders drop slightly.

“Look, I was only teasin’ before,” he said, adjusting his sunglasses and jutting his jaw pensively. “You’re a good girl, I know. I can tell that about you. I have a sense for these things.” She glanced over at the car and the two big, older guys who were leaning against it, arms crossed to show off their shoulder holsters. “And them- Well, they all do and think what I tell ‘em to, so…”

“I think I’ll be okay,” she murmured. “I’m probably better off waiting for a car going the other way anyway.”

“You’ll be waiting a while, sweetheart, Highway Patrol closed the road about twenty miles that way.”

Well, that explained that.

“Oh God,” she groaned, bending forward at the waist and just dropping like a rag doll until her hair poked into the top of her boots. “Why is this happening?! Wait, if the road’s closed, how come you’re here?”

Well, it’s closed for the public,” he answered, like this explained everything. At her questioning look, he pulled a wallet from the pocket of his coat and flashed her a shiny silver badge. “I ain’t the public.” Her eyebrows knitted tighter together and, after a moment, she reached out and pinched his arm.

“Ow!”

“Sorry, this is just really weird. I had to check.” He smiled, but it took him a minute and he was still rubbing his arm like she had stabbed him rather than given him a little pinch. “You are Elvis, right?”

“Last time I checked, but keep your voice down, honey, I’m travelling incognito.” He gave her a wink and she found herself smiling even though she didn’t know why. “Now, look, let’s get in the car before I melt like a goddamn snowman and we can figure out how to get you where you need to go on the way.”

“On the way to where?”

“My house in Palm Springs.”

As she was deliberating, another fancy car pulled up alongside the cream Cadillac station wagon and a smaller, lean man with a moustache hurried out of the driver’s seat to them.

“Hey, what’s going on, why are y’all by the side of the road?”

“Just rescuing, er- What’s your name, honey?”

“Cindy.”

“We were just rescuing Cindy here. This here’s my cousin, Billy. He might look like a marble-eyed sonovabitch, but-” The other man, Billy, gave Elvis’ arm a punch, but even Cindy could see that there was barely any force behind it, and certainly nowhere near what Elvis retaliated with. Both men burst into laughter, though Billy’s seemed pained.

“I can’t ride with you,” she tried one last time. “There isn’t any space for me, your car is full.”

“Huh, you’re right. How are we going to solve this problem? Hey, Sonny, Red!” The two big men looked over, straightening. “You guys ride in the Stutz with Ricky and David. Billy and Jo are coming with us.”

“Hey, E,” the dark haired one started in a disgruntled voice. Cindy didn’t miss the way that Elvis’s face snapped towards him and whatever expression he had put an end to the complaint.

“I’ve been defending myself from little girls for over twenty years, man, I’m sure I won’t have any problems here.” Lowering his voice, he finished so that only Cindy and probably Billy could hear, “Don’t exactly think I wanna defend myself anyhow.”

Travel arrangements made, Cindy followed Elvis’s broad back on her way back to the Cadillac. She questioned what she was doing, wondering what he was expecting from her in terms of gratitude. Then she shook her head. This was Elvis Presley, after all, he was probably dripping in beautiful models, he didn’t need to pick up damsels in distress by the side of the road to get lucky. He looked different to how she thought though, heavier for sure, that leather coat seemed uncomfortably tight, pale too, and his hair looked like it hadn’t been combed. Of course, she was in no position to judge since her skin had acquired a new layer of dirt and dust and her hair was ratty from sleeping in the van the night before.

The car was deliciously cool as promised, and she sighed as she climbed into the soft leather back seat. Elvis managed to summon up a cold bottle of Mountain Valley spring water and his mouth quirked at the corner as she moaned a little gulping it down.

Billy and a dark-haired woman, who was apparently his wife Jo, sat in the front seat, leaving them alone in the back. It was quiet at first. Cindy gripped the glass bottle in her hands, savouring the cool surface against her hot, sweaty skin. She shifted slightly on the seat, hoping that she wasn’t marking it with her grime. It figured that she would finally meet her first famous person looking her absolute worst.

“So, uh, what happened to your car?” Elvis asked, turning a little so that he was inclined towards her. Her eyes fell on the three- three- thick gold chains around his neck that rested in the dark hair on his chest, disappearing beneath the lapels of his leather coat and the light blue tracksuit jacket was wearing underneath. She blinked and looked back up at his face.

“Well, nothing. It’s still at home back in the city,” she replied. “I- uh. See, I was out in the desert with some friends… camping.” She nodded, yes, ‘camping’. “And there was a misunderstanding between me and one of my friends. She thought I was into her boyfriend and she got mad and- They left me behind.”

“But you weren’t?” he asked. She was looking into his eyes, partially hidden by the tinted lenses of his sunglasses, and asking herself why the hell she was laying out the events of her pathetic life to Elvis fucking Presley. She lifted her eyebrows questioningly. “You weren’t fooling around with your friend’s boyfriend?”

“No,” she demurred. “No, he’s an idiot.” Elvis grinned and nodded, which somehow made her smile right back without thinking about it.

“You’ve had yourself an awfully bad day, haven’t you, Cindy honey. I, myself, have not been having a great day either. Kinda lucky of us to cross paths out here in the middle of nowhere, don’t you think?”

“Why are you having a bad day?” she asked.

“Don’t matter now,” he replied, giving her hand a quick pat. “So, where d’you live in Los Angeles?”

It went on like that, him questioning her and Cindy answering before returning the question back to him. Sometimes he’d answer, but most of the time he would just ask another question. She felt like she was being interviewed for a job she hadn’t applied for.

As the car drew up to a low, white Spanish style house, she was beginning to wonder if she might want the job after all, whatever it was.

Billy opened the car door and Elvis climbed out with a grunt, reaching out a hand to her. It felt like climbing out of a carriage, only she was the regular Cinderella before the fairy godmother had shown up, all covered in dirt and ashes. His fingers curled around hers, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand, and he didn’t release it once she was by his side.

“So, here we are, little honeypot,” he said with an endearing smirk, “come on in.”

Stepping into the house was like walking into a meat locker after the heavy, dry heat of the afternoon. She wanted to pause and bask in it, but Elvis still had hold of her hand and he was not stopping. He gave her the tour, introducing her to the cook, while the other men arrived in the black car and there was a flurry of activity, cases and bags being deposited in the foyer and quickly whisked away.

The whole time, Elvis was walking around, talking about views and telling her a funny story about the time a photographer tried to climb the canyon to get pictures of him in the backyard and he and the guys scared the man so bad that he dropped his camera down a steep incline.

“Bought him another one, of course,” he shrugged with a small smile. “Still, taught him a lesson about being sneaky. Can’t stand sneaky sons of bitches, just come and ask me if you want a picture, don’t- don’t be all underhanded about it.” He stared off out the window at the rocky canyon beyond and she watched and waited, wondering if she was supposed to respond. Finally, he gave his head a little shake and flashed a grin at her, looking at her sideways. And that moment was over.

“So, I’ve been thinking, Cindy honey,” he began, leading her to an upright chair by the window and gesturing for her to sit down. “About you having a bad day and me… And it seems like there’s more to this than meets the eye, I think what we have here is a touch of divine intervention.”

Mouth open, she parsed his words, trying to understand what she was being told. She didn’t.

“Ain’t no way we should have met, you being a little girl pretty much as far from Beverly Hills as you can get and me not going nowhere else, but somehow we did meet. I saved you, and maybe… maybe you can s- you can help me… too.”

“Well, what do you need help with?” she asked. He grinned his famous lopsided smile, reminding her that she was sitting in front of a musical legend, one of the most famous men on the planet, just like he was a regular person.

“Well, for one thing, I don’t like being on my own much and- and my date for the weekend kinda flaked out.” He huffed an awkward, endearing laugh. “You think you might wanna hang around, honey?”

“Well, I have to be at work on Monday,” she said dubiously, feeling a pang at the way he was looking down at her, like she had power.

“I’ll get you to work on Monday,” he replied emphatically. “I can promise you that.”

“But I don’t even have any of my things,” she murmured, thinking out loud. “I left them all in the van and-”

“I’ll get you whatever you need.” He raised his eyebrows. “Anything else? C’mon, while we’re on a roll, throw something else at me, honey.” She laughed, giving his hand a squeeze that he returned.

“Can I use your phone?”

“You got a guy you need to call?” he asked flatly.

“Sorta,” she shrugged. “My father- he’s sick and I don’t like to make him worry about where I am.”

“My daddy’s been sick too,” he murmured, “but he’s getting better.”

There was such determination in his voice that she felt like she had to nod back like she was convinced.

He took her into his bedroom, which she knew must look out over the pool from the layout of the rest of the house, but the curtains were already pulled tightly closed and it felt, if possible, even colder in this room.

“You can make your call in here,” he said, squeezing her shoulder as she perched on the edge of the bed next to the phone. “No one’ll bother you. I’m just gonna make some arrangements, deal with some things. I’ll be back.”

She watched him leave, pulling the door closed behind him, and reflected on the weirdness of everything that had happened in the past few hours. She reached for the phone, but stopped.

As far as her dad knew, she was camping with some girls from work. It had been hard enough to reassure him that she would be okay doing this. If she called him now and said that not only had those girls ditched her in the middle of nowhere, but that she had been picked up by Elvis and whisked away to this house in Palms Springs… Well, he might have the stroke that was going to finish him off, the one they had been warding against for five years.

There was a tap at the door and it opened before she could respond, but it was not Elvis. Jo, the woman married to his cousin, was standing there looking at her like she was a naughty child who had refused to tidy her room.

“What size are you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Size. I’m guessing a…” Her eyes flicked up and down with disinterest. “A six?”

“Four on the bottom half,” Cindy returned. “Why-“

“Shoes? What shoe size are you?”

Baffled and feeling a little bit harried, Cindy gave her the information she asked for, wondering if the woman was lending her some clean clothes or if maybe Elvis Presley of the famed pelvis, who reduced women to screaming, creaming morons with just a jiggle of his leg, had a special wardrobe for all his conquests.

“Okay, so you need to shower,” the older woman continued, directing her to a bathroom away from the bedroom. “Everything you need is just in here. Make sure you wash your hair, clean your nails, brush your teeth. Everything. He likes girls to be clean.”

What do you say to that? Cindy wondered, staring blankly as Jo repeated the instructions like it was normal, like this was an every day occurrence. To be fair, it probably was.

“Today is so weird,” Cindy murmured to herself as she stepped into the bathroom, holding the large, white terrycloth robe Jo had shoved at her. There were toiletries in a big basket, all brand new and unopened. Shampoos, conditioners, soaps and lotions. A toothbrush still in its packaging, razor, and hairbrush and combs. It was like visiting a hotel, an expensive one too, not just a roadside motel.

Turning on the shower, she spotted a little pink transistor radio on the vanity and she switched it on. She couldn’t shower in silence, she needed something to drown out her singing other than the noisy spray. Warbling along to whatever the DJ played, she did everything she had been told, scrubbing and rubbing and rinsing over and over until she finally felt like she had exfoliated the desert from her skin and her mind.

Wrapping the oversized robe around herself, she sashayed like it was a fur coat and she was walking past the velvet ropes at Studio 54, hoping to catch Jagger’s eye. She opened the bathroom door and stumbled back with a muffled shriek when she found a man about her age standing outside. He had shaggy dark hair and was wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, which she appreciated.

“You done?” he asked, eyes sliding up her bare legs like a snail leaving a trail across a rock. “You brush your teeth? Clean your nails?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” she returned. “Yes, I brushed, I cleaned, I buffed myself to within an inch of my life! God!”

“All right,” he shot back. “I was just checking, because the Boss likes girls to be-”

“Clean, yes, I’ve got it.” She was starting to wonder whether it was Elvis or Howard Hughes who had picked her up.

The man directed her back to the living room, which was dim and shaded now with the curtains pulled across most of the windows against the late afternoon sun.

“Just wait here for a minute,” he said, closing the door behind him.

Cindy shifted from bare foot to bare foot, looking up at the low, sloping ceiling and the immaculately clean fireplace. Her eyes fell on the coffee table and the thick stack of bills placed neatly there.

She wandered over as if called, eyes bugging when she saw that the pile was topped with a hundred. If they were all hundreds, there had to be five thousand dollars there, easy. She thought about all the hospital bills that kept coming to the house, red overdue stamp looking like blood. Then she thought about her dad finding out that she had stolen money to pay them.

Sighing, she forced her feet away from the coffee table and stalked over to the couch, throwing herself down. Having a conscience could be a curse sometimes.

A little while later, the door opened and the man himself finally appeared. He was wearing a short sleeve light blue leisure suit and his hair looked washed and blow-dried. He didn’t look well, she decided, but she couldn’t decide why that thought had popped into her head.

“You look like you’re being eaten by a cloud,” he observed with a little smile, exhaling sharply as he dropped onto the couch beside her. He nudged his leg against her, but didn’t seem to notice, almost like he couldn’t keep still. “You get everything you need, honey? You speak to your father?”

“Yes, thank you,” she lied.

It was probably a good idea to make him think that people knew where she was, she decided. He leant back, stretching his arm like he had a twinge in his shoulder and then resting it along the back of the couch behind her. She had to work hard not to giggle. It was like being back in middle school.

“Why d’you wear sunglasses indoors?” she asked, wincing at her words as soon as she spoke them. “Sorry, that was rude-" He laughed softly and shook his head; his arm slid forward slightly against her shoulders.

“No, no, it’s fine, honey. I, er, have to wear ‘em because I got sensitive eyes. The light messes with ‘em sometimes, that’s all.”

“It’s not very bright in here,” she observed, glancing around at the lengthening shadows around the room.

“Yeah, well, I- I kinda need ‘em to see as well,” he admitted, ducking his head. “Can’t see as good as I used to.”

“Oh, well, that makes sense.” His smile widened and she felt his fingers wrap around the top of her arm.

Sitting so close to him felt like sitting with her side to the Sun, he gave off so much warmth and also a sense of power, like he was the centre of the whole galaxy. He was stroking her arm with his fingers, and she could feel the rough end of his rings scraping the folds in her sleeve and she shivered.

He smirked and, despite the fuller face and the beginnings of a double chin, she could see the man who had made her feel tickly in her tummy during the Saturday matinees her dad had taken her to. She was looking into his eyes through the pinkish tinted lenses of his glasses, their faces drawing closer, when there was a tap on the door.

“Goddamn it,” Elvis muttered under his breath, probably louder than he thought he was. “Come in!”

Billy appeared with several bags, seemingly oblivious or indifferent to Elvis’ obvious annoyance.

“Here ya are, got what you asked for,” he said, lifting the bags.

“Well, just leave it by the door,” Elvis snapped back. “And why the hell d’you leave this cash here? You just throwing my money away now, man?”

There was a weird note in the exchange that Cindy couldn’t quite figure out, but Billy gathered up the money without argument and left, dropping the bags by the door.

“Families, huh,” she observed as he huffed an exasperated sigh, his round stomach rapidly expanding and deflating. “Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.”

“Yeah, so they tell me,” he returned, shooting the door one last look of annoyance, before turning back to her. “You know, I just wanted to say thank you, Cindy honey.”

 “For what?” Grabbing a ride? Taking a shower?

“For staying. It’s real nice of you."

Her mouth twisted into a baffled smile as her brain puzzled over whether she had heard him right. He did know who he was, right? He rubbed her arm over the terrycloth sleeve and twisted towards her. Her eyes dropped to his lips and, though they looked a little dry, they were plump and inviting. Soft too as he pressed them against hers.

It was a chaste, sweet kiss, he didn’t even try slip her any tongue. Cindy never made it to a dance in her sophomore year, but she imagined this was what it would have felt like. She reached up to hang her fingers from his neck, surprised again by how warm his skin was. The hair at the nape of his neck was damp with sweat and his breath wavered as she ran her thumbs curiously through his long sideburns. They felt soft and coarse at the same time and she couldn’t explain how.

“Yeah, I think someone or something has put you in my way for a reason,” he murmured, eyes fixed on her lips as he pulled back. She could feel herself begin to broil under his gaze. He pecked her lips again, pressing his weight against her. “Let’s get you ready, honey.”

Elvis led her around by the hand like she was a cross between a little child and a delicate princess. They went back into the kitchen where he told the cook that he wanted fried chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner, reminding her that the gravy wasn’t thick enough last time. He turned to Cindy, asking what she would like to eat.

“Aren't I having the same as you?” she asked. Asking for two different meals seemed… rude, somehow.

“Oh, honey, you don’t have-” He ducked his head and smiled. “She’ll have the same, just a regular size, okay?”

The woman smiled at Elvis the way that most women smiled at him, indulgently and kind of wistful. It was a strange thing to experience and then to see.

“Okay, lil honeypot, let’s get you dressed and ready for dinner,” he said, throwing a smile over his shoulder as he led her back to the bedroom.

The bags that Billy had left in the living room had been transported here and Elvis gestured to them. She peered inside, finding a white dress, underwear, and even shoes. She hadn’t worn so much white since her mom passed and her dad had turned everything grey with a misplaced sock when she was ten. She hesitated, wondering if he wanted her to put on a show, to earn them, but after she had waited for several minutes, he lifted a hand to the adjoining bathroom and motioned for her to go.

Wavering on the white, naturally, platformed heels, she tottered back into the bedroom where Elvis was reclined against the pillows reading a book. He glanced up over the top and gave an exaggerated double take.

“Who’s this sweet lil angel who’s showed up in my bedroom?” he asked, dropping the book on the bed and clambering up.

He crossed the room to her a little unsteadily and suddenly threw his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She could barely breathe with how close he was holding her, his arms pinning hers to her sides, his stomach tight against hers, constricting her air. Even his thighs were hard against hers. She didn’t know what to do, so she lifted her arm as much as she was able to stroke the small of his back.

“You look so pretty,” he murmured, when he finally drew back, running his thumb over her lips in concentration. “We’ll get Jo in here to do your make up and you’ll be perfect.”

“I can do my own make-up,” she insisted, not wanting to be a source of irritation for the other woman yet again.

“No, honey, Jo knows how to do it the way I like it,” he replied, biting on his lip before leaning forward and kissing her, lingering on her lips this time, almost as if he wanted to deepen the kiss but lost his nerve. “I want you to look like you’re all mine.”

He ducked his head down bashfully in the way that she was already getting accustomed to, but this time there seemed to be more of a purpose to it. She glanced down too when she felt him fumbling with her wrist and she watched as he fastened a thick, heavy gold ID bracelet around it. On the front, Elvis was spelled out in large diamonds.

“There,” he mumbled, sounding self-satisfied. “Now everyone will know you’re mine.”

She didn’t know how to respond to this, not in a way that didn’t hurt his feelings, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. No, she was already feeling an overwhelming need to protect him, this much older, richer, more powerful man.

Jo didn’t really speak to her as she did her make up. Cindy could barely open her eyes with the weight of the eyeliner and mascara they had been coated in. She barely recognised the woman she saw staring back at her in the mirror, especially not when she lifted her arm to peer at the bracelet. Such a weird day.

The table was full of men at dinner, with only Jo and Cindy adding some much-needed female companionship. Elvis and the other men laughed and chatted through the meal, arguing and guffawing over old stories; stories that always seemed to feature Elvis doing something insane, dangerous and/or reckless and somehow getting away with it. He grinned at her at every conclusion, looking pleased with himself and she tried her best to look impressed and amused.

Cindy understood what Elvis had meant when he instructed the cook to make her meal regular-sized. He and the rest of the men devoured prodigious amounts of food and it felt like dinner went on for hours waiting for them to finish.

As soon as she put down her knife and fork, Elvis reached over and clasped her hand with his, maintaining that hold even as he was eating and talking to everyone around her. It was like sitting with a spotlight on you, seen but unseen, valued but ignored.

After dinner, Elvis led her over to the piano. A couple of the guys, one of the large ones with all the guns, and a small one, picked up guitars and perched on a footstool and the sofa around him. He insisted, though there was barely enough room, that she sat next to him on the piano stool. She leant into his side, trying to maintain her balance.

“What d’you wanna hear us sing, Cindy honey?” he asked, like she would be fine with that, like she would casually accept Elvis Presley asking for requests.

“Lawdy Miss Clawdy?” she asked. It was one of two Elvis songs her father had played her religiously on a Saturday afternoon when they needed to jump around and use up some energy.

“Aw, that’s so damn old,” he remarked. “Can’t you think of nothing from this century?” He hiccupped a small laugh, which his guys echoed far louder, but she could sense that she had upset or offended him somehow. Probably by making him feel that only his old songs were the best, she guessed. She had hurt his feelings.

“You should sing what you want to sing,” she said quickly, rubbing his jiggling knee. “Anything you sing will blow me away.”

The smaller guy with the guitar suggested ‘Love is a Many Splendored Thing’, but before he had even finished his sentence, Elvis was pounding the keys of the piano in the very familiar introduction to ‘Lawdy Miss Clawdy’.

Everyone who had ever listened to an Elvis record always felt like he was singing directly to them. That was part of his magic and charm, but Cindy now knew that that feeling was nothing compared to knowing that he was singing directly to you. Her face was throbbing with heat as the blood rushed there. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, clasping them in her lap like she had to hold in her vital organs or she would die. He frowned over the piano as he sang, but every now and again, shot her a look from the side of his eye, his cheekbones round and prominent as he held back a smile.

As the last chords of the piano faded out, he cleared his throat, making fun of how much higher his voice used to be. Cindy clapped, ignoring the eyerolls and looks of derision that some of the men were throwing her. She had never been able to get to a concert. They usually sold out in hours and there was no way she could skip work to queue overnight and all day. So this was probably the closest she was ever going to get to seeing Elvis live, and she was making the most of it.

“Thank you, honey,” he mumbled, angling his face so that he could kiss her cheek. He grabbed her hand that was still clapping and brought it to his lips, giving her fingers a soft peck also.

Forgetting all the eyes, the uncomfortable shoes, the skimpy dress that made her shiver in the air conditioning, and the mask of make-up she was wearing, Cindy ducked forward and kissed him. She almost missed completely, catching only the corner of his mouth, but he rescued her for the second time that day, wrapping his arms around her, hot palms against her back and turning his head, sliding his tongue in to brush against hers. Maybe he was right, they could both save each other.

[zabala0z]

Hi!! I went back to my notes. I need to scratch that itch in my brain (writing down information) anyways, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES A 15TH ENTITY?????

Mag 134: Time of Revelation

As you can tell from my above comment, I am very surprised. How was I supposed to know. The Extinction. Again, killer name. Is that what's going to be the main villain of this season? Thats what it feels like so far. Also, interesting The Web and The End never tried a ritual. Plus, the idea of The Extinction wiping us out to replace us with another race to fear it in return. Thats cool. But that makes me think are we like part of the cycle? Was there a race before us but then they got wiped out. I guess not because The Extinction is a newer entity. Okay ignore that

One thing that's been bouncing around my brain is like..if any rituals worked. Like these entities have been around for I dunno since fear was possible I guess. Rituals, while they take centuries to set up, would be pretty common to succeed so I'm just wondering if any entity succeeded in a ritual that led to the world now.

I still don't like Peter. "Hopefully our patron" SHUT UP. Also love that Martin helped out Jon with all those recorders. Because Jon can sense them. though I guess he didn't know that

MAG 135: Dark Matter

The last of the trio of statements (MAG 57, MAG 106). I did point out that in MAG 106, her fingertips were burned. I guess its because she handled a god damn SUN. A DARK SUN?? Anyways Maxwell Rayner appearance, woo. Also, an explanation behind Daedalus which i throughly enjoyed. Although the part about the nyctophobe being used as a battery did make me genuinely sick to my stomach. Dunno why that was the most unnerving part of this podcast to me.

Anyways, a ritual for The Dark. Took them a while, like a solid 4 years. in Norway too. Home of Jurgen leitner. You would think killing Rayner would stop them but no! Cant be that hard to end their ritual, just point a flashlight at them

MAG 136: The Puppeteer

I love seeing different perspectives to the same story oh my god. Anyways this is related to MAG 110, obviously. I wonder if neil lagorio knew about..The Web from the beginning. Was he in cahoots? They said he would send people to watch previews of his movies and they were never the same so i feel like he was. Plus he was described with no warmth behind his eyes and that sounds very not human so.

Annabelle Cain. She popped up before in MAG 69. Nice to see she's branching off to other hobbies like killing old men. I think she killed him at least. And now that were talking about her, I'm reminded of Jons zippo lighter with the web design. Did she somehow send it? Because that zippo lighter was given to him in like s1 and it hasn't been used for any plot important stuff and I'm getting antsy over it, who sent it, I swear to god. Chekhov's Lighter.

Also, "there's me, Melanie, Basira-" "Traumatized, traumatized, paranoid" that is the funniest thing wtf. Another thing, I am very worried about Melanies therapist. like very. Melanie please be careful girl

MAG 137: nemesis

War statements always make me feel bad. So Wallis Turner gave this statement at the Pu Songling Research Centre (MAG 105) which is yknow the sister institute. I wonder if they serve The Eye as well. Anyways "Nemesis" appeared before in MAG 105. Im guessing the entity related to this is The Slaughter. Crazy their ritual failed, those losers. The Risen War. God why are all the names so cool.

ALSO, Eric. What did Gertrude mean about telling gerry about following in his dads footsteps? I checked my notes and in Mary Keays statement, it's implied Eric serves The End. At least that's what I got. he did get a gruesome end. Sorry.

I think that's everything. I see the next statement is Robert Smirke, oh my god. I need to know what this insane architect was up to, I'm so excited.

[fishwithtitz]

Okay!

4 11 13 15 17 21 28 31 36 51 55

Dang, that's a lot! <3

4. what are you looking forward to?

I am getting married in Ireland in June. My wedding will be a dark/ethereal vintage romantic vibe and I'm literally getting married at Dunluce Castle. A dream!

5. are you listening to music right now?

Nope. I'm enjoying the complete silence of my house :)

13. how do you feel right now?

I started antibiotics last Wednesday and I'm feeling so much better. I'm starting to get more of my writing out and I think it's reaching more people, so that brings me joy!

15. personality description

Growing up, I was VERY outgoing and outspoken but I've mellowed a ton. I've been told I come off as shy and a little intimidating until you get to know me. I have always had a love for the unusual things in life and have been able to see beauty in darkness. I was the odd one out (didn't have a ton of friends growing up). I love and care fiercely and I will do anything for my friends and loved ones. I think I'm the funniest person to exist even though I'm probably not.

My students describe me as sassy (I love to roast them) and see me as a second mom haha.

17. opinion on insecurities.

I'm not really sure what this one means, but I'm going to answer it as if it's my opinion on my own insecurities.

I'm insecure about my body. I have the typical hourglass figure (big hips/thighs, big tits, small waist) but I also have hip dips so anything form fitting is a no go. I grew up in the late 90s/early 00s diet culture and have yo-yoed in weight since I was a kid. I had an almond (step)mom and I still feel shame around food. It's something I'm working on in therapy. I have so much pride and respect for Gen Z and their movement of body acceptance and positive body culture. It's something I wish us millennials had done when we were younger.

21. age and birthday?

August 13th; I’m 31 going on 85

28. i’ll love you if…

You are kind and genuine. You leave me comments on/reblog my work (because as much as I say I write for self-satisfaction, I also love recognition like anyone else and I have a really low self esteem when it comes to my writing). You take me out for coffee. You have a good sense of humor (extra points if it's dry or dark).

29. 3 random facts

I had to be treated for the plague in my 20s (yes, the literal bubonic plague)

I used to be a top writer on a fanfic website when I was 13 (early 2000s) and I cringe thinking of the shit I put out 😂

*trigger warning for injury* I have seen/smelt burning flesh (like, flesh melting off someone's body) as a result of an accident in high school. I still get jumpy around explosives. 10/10 don't recommend.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

I'd like to be a published author that gets to share their thinking with the world (and ngl I'd love to do an international book tour).

I want to get back into music/playing piano (I'm too scared to try and don't even know where to start).

I want to travel more (ideally to Europe). It's so expensive and I'm poor and landlocked.

51. starsign

Leo Sun, Sagittarius Rising, Aquarius Moon

55. tumblr friends

@copiasghoulfriend @copias-juicebox @anamelessfool @portaltothevoid @katyaoaksdottir @the-lisechen

In response to Get to know me, pick some numbers post

[down-the-yaoi-hole]

Lucid's comics are the gold standard of boys love and I will fight anyone who says otherwise: a review of Avialae

For all 2 of my friends who read this blog, I want you to know that I debated for weeks about which comic to review first. Should I start with the "classic" yaoi manga from the 2000s/10s that sparked my obsession with boys love media in high school? Maybe write about the current trends on popular sites like Lehzin and Tapas? Or perhaps just dive straight into monsterfucking with my one true love, HamletMachine? Well, my questions were answered when nearly $200 of @misslucid comics showed up at my door last week. Thanks, Mom & Dad, for letting me shop for my own Christmas presents and not asking ANY questions about my purchases. May you never learn that I spent all your hard-earned money on porno comics and Chinese boys love novels.

The reason I say Lucid serves the gold standard of boys love is because their work touches on all these factors: they draw on the comics language and visual humor of yaoi manga, publish on the popular webtoons sites on a weekly basis, and of course the crème de la crème: they've got monsterfucking in every. Single. Comic. Have I died and gone to heaven, or did I just fall asleep on my open copy of Avialae volume 4? They're really the epitome of porn WITH plot, my absolute favorite type of erotica. My friends who prefer one-shots laugh at my desire to be strung along by a story--sometimes for months on end if it's a weekly webcomic like some of Lucid's work--but I always say it's like emotional edging! When you've seen as many illustrated dicks as I have, you need a little extra somethin' to make it worth your while, a carrot and stick situation, to use an appropriately phallic metaphor. And let me tell you, Lucid's work is worth the wait. Ultimately, I'm starting with a review of Lucid's comics so you can get a sense of my taste--this is what an A+ perfect boys love comic looks like on this blog.

First, some links! Lucid has one completed webcomic, Avialae, that you can read for free on their compilation site, yaoi.biz (the funniest URL I have ever bookmarked). That's going to be the focus of this review, since I just re-read it in print. They're also posting weekly pages for The Hunt (the Sterek fan comic of my DREAMS) and River Street (vampire x grim reaper pretty boys in NOLA) on their site and all the buzzy webcomics sites. I would highly encourage subscribing to their Patreon and/or purchasing the print comics from their online store. I've done both, but I'm a real sucker for the print books and their printed editions are totally worth the splurge. Glittering foil letters on the covers, creamy heavyweight paper, and bonus comics printed in the back, not to mention the glow-in-the-dark details on the The Hunt: it's book nerd paradise.

OK, got all that? Gave them all your money because we pay artists for their craft around here? Great, now let's dive in.

ART: Even in the very earliest pages of Avialae, you can see that Lucid is a professionally trained comics artist whose attention to stylistic detail elevates the emotionality of this series. This image comes from the very first chapter, in which Gannet wakes up to discover he's sprouted bloody, shriveled bird wings overnight. The golden-hearted bird-watchin' boy next door, Bailey, helps him patch up his back and hide his wings in the early days of the comic, in which the characters are trying to hide this monstrosity (read: queerness) from others in their conservative, midwestern high school. Lucid wrote a wonderful note about their artistic journey with Avialae in the back of volume 6, explaining that this comic was a way of reconciling their formal art school training with their personal preference for the pure camp of boys love comics. The gray wash, they explain, was considered an acceptably artsy fartsy medium for an indie comics artist to work in, even though they could hear the siren's call of full color webcomics over the horizon, and would eventually return to color with The Hunt. They clearly had to make their own way with their art, to find a balance between high art and high camp, and you can watch this journey unfold throughout the Avialae books. They start with a lot of edgy concepts and painterly line work (as you can see in the background work above), but noting readers' responses they slowly started camping things up with more yaoi tropes and visual jokes that really punched up their 'comics language' (Scott McCloud, step aside-- there's a new game in town, and they understand that comics should involve manga gags and hole pics). Their anatomy is impeccable, their backgrounds are nuanced and diverse, and huge credit to them for drawing these elaborately detailed wings for years on end. I'm a huge fan of their other comic, The Hunt, as I am apparently stuck in the year 2012 and read Sterek fanfiction once a month at a minimum, but I think the art of Avialae is my favorite. From their personal writing, I sense that this art style might not have felt the most true to their webcomics origins, but I love the subtle beauty of the gray wash. You can really see the stroke of the artist's pen in this medium: ink blooms in the background around the characters, gestural line work creates movement and fuzz that makes it feel more handmade, and the lack of color focuses one's attention on the emotions of a scene. And just look at how their skill has grown over the years! From this first sketch of a bird boy having his wings wrapped by his offscreen boyfriend, to the refined intensity of this page from chapter 6 where Gannet saves Bailey from falling out of a tree, Lucid has really honed their craft and it's been a joy to watch.

2. STORY: While the art of Avialae is probably my favorite part, Lucid's writing certainly does not disappoint. Sometimes when someone is SO artistically talented I think, ah well their writing just isn't going to be as good, there's no way someone can be that perfect, but nope! They've got it all. They have a great sense of narrative pacing across individual pages, chapters, and the total collected work; their plots make SENSE; and their dialogue is both realistic AND fuckin' funny! I think the exchange between Gannet and Bailey around ~swapping roles~ in chapter 4 is some of my favorite writing, and Lucid so smartly invokes both dialogue and the language of comics to make their joke. When Gannet's question, "Have you ever thought about bottoming?" is following my the SCRRRCCH of the car skidding to a halt, I yelped with laughter! Later in bed, Bailey asks if he should be "feeling it" more since Gannet always looks like he's "melting" when he bottoms, Gannet's response of "Oh, that's because I'm a slut" is met with the perfect little aside-expression of Bailey's exasperation. It's a comedic beat pulled from the pages of BL manga, where showing a little chibi emotional reaction face is commonplace, and it made me CACKLE. In summary: suspense, humor, and compelling emotional moments between our two male leads make the writing un-put-down-able.

3. CHARACTERS: Well folks, as you might have guessed by now this is a no-holds-barred Lucid stan account, so yup, rest assured their characters are just as much as fun as the technical elements of their comics. First of all, I love a gay monster metaphor--you can never go wrong with a character struggling to discover literal monstrosity alongside their very gay feelings for a friend, as far as I'm concerned. Second, who doesn't enjoy a sassy slut and a boy-next-door pairing? It's as classic a combo as peanut butter and chocolate!

Our two leads, Gannet Sharpe and Bailey Gilbert, have a whirlwind romance (or should I say whirl-wing--get it? Oh you did but you're just not laughing? Alright BE that way) going from frenemies next door, to co-closeted monsterfucker high school classmates, to interspecies lovers exploring the hidden world of the Avialae bird people deep in the Appal-GAY-chain mountains (I'm not sorry and I will never stop). I assess characters based on writing, design, and pure n' simple fuckability, so here we go.

First up we have Gannet, who evolves from an angry gay teen stuck in a small town to a lovestruck fool who would do anything for his partner, even abandoning his title as long-lost prince of the bird people in later chapters! He's defined by his biting humor and indefatigable slutiness, and I absolutely adore him. His character design is gorgeous--he's a strawberry blonde covered in freckles that blend into the dappling on his wings. We watch his dyed black hair grow out through the series in a gesture of subtle realism that speaks to Lucid's incredibly patient and thorough artistic vision. He's got a splendid little collection of body piercings but I won't spoil the surprise for you here--you'll just have to read the books to see more. An incredibly fuckable character, indeed. Personally, I'd say I lean more into identifying with Gannet rather than wanting to fuck him myself, but that's just because I'm also an edgy strawberry blonde, and am not usually attracted to people who I think look too much like me. But I'll be honest, if I ever landed in the world of Avialae and saw this cutie in his angel costume, I might have to make an exception.

Bailey, on the other hand, makes me go absolutely FERAL. His BLUSH, his TEARS, his EMOTIONAL SINCERITY--god DAMN I am sprung. He's got this tight little track star body and an ass that Gannet is often admiring from afar, and wow do I get it. Not too tall, glasses, normcore in the streets and a begging bottom in the sheets: I love a man who can do it all. Bailey is funny in his own right, the naïve "straight man" (but gay) who is constantly comedically surprised by Gannet's outrageous advances. He's obsessed with birds despite an allergy that leaves him constantly sniffling in the first 2 chapters, but he gets new allergy meds and through it all supports Gannet in his trial of self-discovery. He's sweet and simple but also a raging monsterfucker, and I would absolutely DEMOLISH him in bed.

4. HORNINESS: Ah, the most important category on the list: how spank-bankable is this comic? Well, let me tell you: you're going to want to lock this one in the vault and throw away the key. Your sexuality will be forever changed for the better by these loving little twinks screwing each other 6 ways to Sunday. I'm not going to post any explicit pictures because Tumblr, ugh, but you should know: Lucid's artistic training really pays off. It's an uncensored salve to all the white-out lightsaber dicks splashed across Webtoons right now. Holes, poles, mouths, and feathers a' flyin'--you're gonna wanna see this.

Hands down, though, the best part of Gannet and Bailey's dynamic is that they SWAP ROLES. You almost never see this in boys love comics, and I think it's to the detriment of the genre as a whole. I say this as queer cis woman who identifies as an S&M switch--real gay people swap roles in bed all the time! Sure, plenty of folks identify as only a top OR bottom, or only ever play as a dom OR sub, but a lot of us live in shades of gray; it's all about the dynamic with a specific partner. When I first read this comic online about a year ago, I think I actually screamed out loud when I got to chapter 4 and realized that it wasn't just a joke in the car--Gannet was actually going to top Bailey after 3 chapters of the opposite dynamic! And holy shit was it hot. There's something so satisfying about watching a boy bottom for the first time, and adding the unexpected surprise of having a theretofore tomboy top confess to wanting to be controlled, dominated, entered by his far more femme partner? I was over the goddamn moon with giddy horniness.

The monsterfucking is also excellent, especially if you're more into light fantasy monster lovin'. Personally, I love me some wild ass monster dicks in my porn, but the human anatomy in Lucid's comics is so well done that I don't even mind if no one is getting gaped or cum-dumped! Gannet and Bailey have a really tender, loving sexuality that shines through all their kinky adventures, and I have happily jerked it to their beautifully realistic sexual exploits many, many times. Also, major points to Lucid for including condoms and lube in every single sex scene! This ain't your mother's magically pre-lubed yaoi hole, folks--this author actually knows how human buttholes work. Their characters speak openly about STD testing in the epilogue wedding, and when they finally do it RAW it's with full informed consent. I really loved this little condom PSA in a BL world that seems typified, these days, by buckets of cum spraying everywhere, on everyone, all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love a cum shot as much as the next pervert on the internet, but Lucid's subtle attention to reality makes their comics feel emotionally organic and satisfyingly original.

FINAL VERDICT/TLDR: 10's across the board, Lucid's Avialae has it all: great art, humorous writing, sexy & believable characters, and kinky ass sex scenes. Porn with plot made for all you sentimental monsterfuckers out there, this comic is sure to satisfy if you're looking for a longer read that'll really suck you into its fantasy world. Highlights include: a killer sense of humor, beautifully rendered bird wings, a swapping sexual dynamic, and an evergreen gay-monster-metaphor that feels familiar but still fresh!

I truly love all of Lucid's work and hope to write in more depth about their ongoing webcomic, The Hunt, in a future post. Monsterfuckers unite! Thanks for reading.

[whenimgoodandready]

What is funny? Is it a joke we tell? A mere coincidence? Or a ironic twist of fate that makes us question life itself? Sometimes what’s funny to someone may not be so funny to someone else. The monkey is one of the most funniest animals in the world, but it’s also known as the wisest. The Monkey Miraculous represents honor, instinct, swiftness, and playfulness. It gives the user the power to make other peoples powers malfunction so as to have the user have a high advantage to defeat their opponent. Kim was gifted with this miraculous to save the heroes when the chips were down (“Party Crasher”). Fitting since he’s the lovable jokester. However, with this kind of power given to a villain, it’s not funny. Just who and what can they use it for? Let’s see:

*Derision-In the past couple of eps, we saw that Marinette Dupain-Cheng had trouble saying “I love you” to her boyfriend Adrien (“Perfection”), but finally talked to her friends about it (“Migration”). Despite that progress, what is still keeping our poor pigtailed protagonist from saying those 3 little words!? To answer that! Let’s go waaaaaaay back to “Miraculous B.C” (“before Césaire”. You’ll see why I call it that)

(memory flashback harp music plays)

꒰ఎ✨Back in the 8th Grade, when everyone looked the way they did in that quick flashback photo of “Reflefta”, Bunhead Marinette had a crush on, I sh*t you not, Yellow/Red Hoodie Lê Chiê’n Kim! Yes! That Kim! The obnoxious sporto! The guy that challenged people to stupid dares (“Timebreaker”), insults animals (“Animan”) and bullies his classmates (“Origins Part 2:Stoneheart”). That Kim! Course, Bunhead Marinette was too in love to notice these flaws and even her best friend White Sweater Socqueline Wang thought it was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous! (this is why I called it “Miraculous B.C”). Remember Soc? The “Other” Ladybug who runs the art store (“Jubilation”) who helped the new dynamic duo with her supplies (“Kwami’s Choice Part 1:Transmission”) and even our OG heroes too (“Perfection”). Yeah! She was our Alya stand-in. Bunhead Marinette invites Yellow/Red Hoodie Kim to the local swimming pool to confess her love to him there and Chloe (same as ever) convinces Yellow/Red Hoodie Kim to prank Bunhead Marinette as his declaration of love. Unfortunately, it did a number on her…….a real bad number! The rest is all ancient history✨໒꒱

(memory flashback harp music plays)

Back in “Miraculous A.C” (“after Césaire”), Adrien takes Marinette to the local swimming pool for their date and she starts having panic attacks from her last romantic encounter there and it almost gets her akumatized as “Panic”. Almost! Our girl kept her cool once again! Strike 3! Monarch! You.Are.Outta herrre! You stupid Butterfly Boy! He tried to do that the first time making her “Princess Justice” (“Ladybug”). What would that have looked like!? A blindfolded villainess holding a scale, wielding a sword and wearing a tiara that forced people to tell the truth!? Puh-lease! The second time was “Unmasker” (“Exaltation”). Let me guess, a fully covered up villainess that only has their face exposed so as to show that there are “no secrets” and magically removed whatever face shield a person had!? C’mon! Now here, it’s “Panic”!? Idk what they would’ve looked like, but I’m assuming her power would be to make others run and panic like crazy. Phffft! :P. Doesn’t Monarch know he can never ever akumatize our girl!?😏

After Kim gives Adrien and Ondine the brief history of “Miraculous B.C”, they call him out on his awful stunt and it gets worse when Kim foolishly mentions how hot Chloe is, in front of his own girlfriend, then he gets annoyed by them not having a “sense of humor” and is akumatized as Dark Humor, with the power of the Monkey Miraculous (his given miraculous), that makes him shoot arrows of randomness at people causing them to pull cruel pranks on innocent civilians. His second akumatized form and, appearance wise, it’s sh*t! It’s basically just an inverted coloring of his Dark Cupid look with the addition of his swimming goggles on! Monarch wasn’t trying again was he?🙄 He couldn’t have at least given him a dark jester suit or something!? Ugh! Obviously, judging by what I just said, I prefer his Dark Cupid look. His power was the only effective part about him cuz it did screw up Ladybug’s “Lucky Charm” power, but she made it work. He’s not as quick as our buginette is😏.

There you have it folks! The reason why Marinette Dupain-Cheng is the insecure, anxious, elaborate planning, schedule memorizing and creepy stalker that she is for the past 4 seasons, why she went from a “Heart Thinker” to a “Head Thinker” and why she struggles with her relationship with Adrien. It’s.All.Kim’s.Fault! If he hadn’t pulled that creepy crawly prank, Marinette would’ve been happy and with a boyfriend! Marinette didn’t wanna repeat of blinding moving forward with a guy and so she became a research freak and that way she’d be more careful and not fall for any more tricks! It’s no wonder why she didn’t fall for Cat Noir upon first meeting! He reminded her too much of her first failed crush! Then again, if Kim hadn’t pranked Marinette, that would also mean none of the events in the show would’ve happened either. There were good moments and breakthroughs that changed the whole shtick of things that slightly changed the status quo. Whoa! Talk about your “butterfly” effect! Badum-tish🥁. In Miraculous B.C, before our golden boy and aspiring journalist came into the story, Chloe dominated the school (even outside of it) with an iron (and nail polished) fist and everyone, including the staff, was too afraid to stand up against her. Poor Marinette, before gaining confidence with the Ladybug Miraculous, was a complete doormat to Chloe’s neverending bullying (sighs sympathetically), but not Socqueline! Thanks to her and her Kung Fu fighting, she prevented Chloe from publicly humiliating Marinette. Sadly, it also got her expelled 2wks before graduation. Sorry Soc☹️. Now we know why Marinette became fast friends with Alya. She’s just as bold and assertive as Soc! That’s good cuz we need someone to keep Marinette grounded and encourage her to be brave. Kim didn’t mean any harm though. He just can’t see when a joke crosses the line. The real person at fault was actually Chloe who orchestrated the whole thing and Kim fell for it hook-line-and-sinker cuz of his crush on her (“Dark Cupid”). Luckily, he grew out of it and moved on to someone better (“Syren”). Thanks to Ondine, he got character development and even apologized to Marinette. Thank you, Kim! He finally got the wise aspect of the monkey! Adrien was pissed af when he found what Kim did traumatizing Marinette and for the second time, almost committed murder! (“Jubilation”). Adrien, I know what he did to your gf was wrong and it’s why she can’t say “I love you”, BUT THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GO! After Kim turned over a new leaf, Adrien confronted Chloe to do the same, but as you’d except, the b*tch said “No” cuz she only cares about herself. Oh Adrien, if you couldn’t convince her to change (“Despair Bear”) and mean it (“Queen Banana”) or have the heroes give her a chance by officially giving her the Bee Miraculous (“Malediktator”) and teach her a lesson about being a better person by taking it away from her (“Battle of the Miraculous Part 2:Miracle Queen”), what makes you think she’ll see the error of her ways herself!? Chloe is a notoriously entitled b*tch who thinks she can treat everyone, mostly Marinette, as if they’re lesser for “fun”! Nobody can convince anyone that they can redeem Chloe! (remembers being spoiled by “Revelation”) OH SH*T!

[pokemon-teacology]

Woah! It's been a while, sorry about that.

Small update on my life: I finished the semester at paldea a little under two weeks ago, has the finale of my DND campaign, the trainer season took it's pause for the winter a week early, I got back to Galar, and now I'm relaxing for the holidays!

So here's one final update on the past few weeks of official trainer battles in Galar.

Last we left off, the kiddos had just beaten their respective gym leader in Stow-on-Side, the pink kid had just toppled over the huge mural, and another, arguably better statue was revealed in its place.

My sources (Sonia inforumping to me at 3am several nights in a row) tell me that the statue depicts two ancient Galarian kings, as well as two canine looking pokemon. I haven't gotten super great pictures from online, but I sent hop on a mission to take a closer look for me before all the tape and barriers were put up, and I can confirm that their teeth suggest that these Pokémon are dog-like in nature, and were likely obligate carnivores.

Very cool, so instead of it being one king it was two, and they each had a Pokémon that worked alongside them to end the darkest day.

(context for anyone unaware: the darkest day was a time over 3,000 years ago where a great storm blackened the sky and turned the sun red. The story I grew up with was that a hero faced the storm and defeated the malevolent spirit that was controlling it, thus ending the darkest day and saving the region. There's evidence to suggest that the darkest day actually lasted about a month, and caused a famine and fucked with our plant life, but that may have been humanity's doing, since the soils we were planting on that year were already not suitable for what we were trying to grow.)

Anyway, post-statue revealing, the kiddos made their way through the glimwood tangle, though it took a while for thrm to figure it out.

However! That allowed enough time for a new and interesting face to make himself known!

Okay this guy, I hate him so much. His name is Joshua, stereotypical galar name for a dickhead. His introductory interview revealed that he's the son of a manager of one of Marco Cosmos' biggest offshoots, so this guy is new money, no sense. He was so rude to the gentleman interviewing him, too :(

So Joshua flew through the first few gyms easily because, get this, the Pokémon he trains aren't even his! He paid to get someone to train the Pokémon he wanted for him. He's got a full team of six. His team consists of Lucario, Gyarados, Luxray, infernape (he's not even from sinnoh fr, he dropped mid-convo that he had some of them "imported" like they're a crate of fruits or something), Milotic, and a sharpedo. Lots of water-types, lots of dark types, all Pokémon that are known for either their violence, or their need for a strong bond with their trainer.

Which leads to the funniest possible way this guy's trainer career could have started out: none of his Pokémon will listen to an arcdamn thing he says. He's so smug in his interviews and downright mean to service folks in public (there are videos online of him yelling at waitstaff and baristas) but his Pokémon have Zero respect for him, and will sit there and do the exact opposite of what he says most of the time.

It's great.

He's managed to just about get through the first three gyms by himself, but his Pokémon (namely the lucario) refuse to fight against Bea, since they have too much respect for her, and none of them want to fight Alistair either, since he's just a kid. So they just on-camera sit down and don't do anything, or they'll ignore his commands and just play with the other Pokémon. It's so embarrassing, it's great. Finally, there's a guy whose downfall I can cheer for.

Carl is somehow still going strong! He's managed to catch a ditto that refuses to transform and, I shit you not, an unown. This man has a question-mark shaped unown that only knows hidden power and flies around like a toddler on a sugar high asking what everything is called.

I swear to arc this man has the strangest main-character energy I've ever seen. It's like he's the sole character in a slapstick comedy, like the world changes and melds its predetermined rules just to mess with him and make his life harder. It's great, he's great. He's still as unconfident in his abilities as ever, but his other Pokémon (the shuckle that stalls its way to victory and the togepi that only ever uses metronome) are doing great, the togepi is now a togetic which is rad! Brandy's been watching with me still, which has been really nice. I'll miss meeting up every week while I'm gone :(

The kids ended up just about not reaching Ballonlea by the time the gyms closed for thr half-seadon, unfortunately, same with a lot of other contestants, since everyone planned to be there by he last week, but they stopped the season early. So, to make up for that, Opal is planning a more major event for the season to start up again in March. She always does weird little competitions independent of the gym challenge during the holidays, anyway, so the trainers will at least have something fun to do.

They got back a few days ago for the holidays, and it was great to see them again :)

I figured out what to get Leon as a gift, too. It's,,, kinda lame though so I'm,,, debating whether or not to actually give it to him.

I think that's everything interesting??? I've been around, babysat my cousins, my Pokémon have been doing great, though they're not a fan of the wetter weather here. They'll be Okey though, they've been staying inside and helping my mother decorate for the holidays. Ralter and Flambé have had some... Tension. I'm not sure if it's the smaller sized house or being back home or what, but I have a feeling they're going to explode at one another soon, so I'm going to do my best to quell that before it happens.

I've been sticking to that plan I made a few months back to spend assigned days with each of them individually, which has been great for us all. The two troublemakers have been getting along... Better recently. But still not Great.

But it's fine! It's Christmas, I've got wrapping to do, we're going to eat so much good food and spend time with our loved ones, it's going to be great.

[beileil]

🤡🤲 and 🛠️ for the emoji ask? (Feel free to swap out or skip any if they don’t vibe with you … I feel like I may have asked one of these before).

Have you asked me one of these before? Hm. I mean I've shared snippets of WIPs, but I'll try to pick a different one. Anyway thank you for the ask! These are fun.

---

🤡 What’s a line, scene, or exchange you’ve written that made you laugh?

It's tough to pick just one here, because I think I'm the funniest person ever and laugh at my own jokes like a dumbass. XD My funniest fic is How to Seduce Your Sensei in 7 Days, and while a few people have commented on specific lines they liked, I may have been the only person with a dark enough sense of humor to have laughed at this line in particular:

[Context: Genos is searching for advice on how to seduce Saitama, and has stumbled across the OPM universe's equivalent of Yahoo! Answers.]

User yakety-snax wrote: ‘Make him food! The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!’

That was not biologically accurate (the quickest way to a man’s heart was to break his sternum), but Genos understood what they meant.

---

🛠️ What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

Google Docs, if I'm at home. I don't use it at the office, because I work for a government agency and technically everything I do online can be monitored. (I doubt our IT cares, but "why were you writing slash fic instead of finishing your inspection checklist" is a conversation I never want to have.) If I'm at the office and want to write, I scribble on scrap paper with a pen like a disgruntled 19th century novelist. Occasionally I will write on Google Docs on my phone, but that is not efficient.

---

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Sure! Let me just, um, try to find one I haven't already shared. Okay! This is from a WIP I have titled Outclassed, which was originally going to be for Day 7 of Atoia Week 2022, before the story got waaaay out of hand. (It's 10,000 words now because I have no control.) Background: It's a high school AU that mainly revolves around Kamikaze (the chemistry teacher) and Iaian (the new history teacher who he is crushing on). Most of the characters are teachers, but the few canon teenagers are students (and some of the younger kids like Zenko, Tareo, and Isamu are aged up slightly to be freshman). Anyway, here's a snippet featuring the Shitty Teen Squad being brats to Kamikaze. (Putting it under a cut so this post doesn't get too long, or in case people don't like Atomic Samurai/Iaian.)

“Oh hey Mr. K.”

“Badd. Garou. This is not your class.”

“Can we hang out here instead of bio?” asked Garou, who was lounging with one arm over the back of the desk.

“Sure, if you did the homework I assigned.”

“Psh. Of course we did.” Badd leaned back in the desk and put his feet up on the one in front of him. “Genos ‘s got it. The three of us did it as a team, ya know?”

Kamikaze pulled the desk from under his feet, causing Badd to lose his balance and nearly fall out of his chair. Garou snickered.

“You know, I’m having flashbacks to your sophomore year when Genos did all the work and you two—” He gestured between Badd and Garou. “–claimed it was a ‘team effort’.”

“It was!” Garou insisted.

“It was not,” Genos quietly countered, not even looking up from his notebook.

Kamikaze sighed. “Come on, you two. Bell’s about to ring. Get to your own class.” He hoisted his bag onto the front counter.

“Come on, man!” Badd protested. “You get to sit in on your boyfriend’s class all the time! Why can’t we hang out with our friend?”

Kamikaze froze. “My what.”

“Zenko says you sit in the back of Mr. Iaian’s class and stare at him dreamily,” he emphasized the last word in a ridiculous sing-song voice.

He and Garou broke out laughing. Even Genos was grinning.

Kamikaze stammered. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. He refused to let these punks get to him. “Get out. Of my classroom.”

Garou and Badd continued laughing, but they did acquiesce to his request and leave the room.

Kamikaze glanced back at Genos as he unpacked his bag onto the front counter.

“Why do you hang around those two idiots?” he asked.

“Every court needs its jesters,” the teen replied in monotone.

That might have been the best thing that Genos had ever said to him.

[longboxd]

2022 comics reading log

In the early days of last year, I was inspired by some twitter mutuals to post my comics reading in the new year and kept it up from Jan 1 2022 till just about the bitter end. Something about it really helped keep me invigorated by the medium even in some pretty bleak times, so I’m going to keep it going this year, but here at Longboxd instead of on twitter, which I’m trying to spend less time at. Before I can do that though, I want to archive the 2022 entries in a spot that’s more permanent/less twitter-iffic, so here we go—pretty much every comic I read in 2022! (As transcribed from here)

Part 4: 60-83 (of 387)  

(I can “only” post 30 images at a time here, so that’ll dictate the length of these catch-up posts)

60) Avengers Forever #2 

61) Avengers Forever #3 - Kangtown, USA

62) Moon Knight #7 - the way Moench writes the multiple personality stuff Is so camp

63) Moon Knight #8 - Frank Giacola on early Bill Sienkiewicz kinda feels like Ken Landgraf, I dig it.

64) The Silver Coin Vol. 1 - “Not since the days of Pat Moriarty’s BIG MOUTH have we seen…” 🤪 This was a fun inversion of the power dynamics of the “art showcase anthology” being driven by the artist-as-auteur rather than the other way around.

65) X-Men #7 - Duggan is really working hard to make a case for Cyclops and I’m starting to feel it just a bit.

66) Human Target #4 - What I was initially buying for the art has served me up a lot of nice JLI moments.

67) Grrrl Scouts Stone Ghost # 3 - probably the funniest thing I've seen in a while is some poor soul complaining that Mahfood's art doesn't look as good as it did in the Clerks Special.

68) She Hulk #1 - I would like more big 2 comics to realize that "some random person shows up" is not a good cliffhanger.

69) Monkey Prince #1 - haha, okay now THAT is a cliffhanger!

70) Super Sentai Himitsu Sentai Gorenger - I wish I could make comics this pure, brainless, and good.

71) Aposimz vol 7 - More oddly compelling, elliptical, atmospheric, sketchy wasteland and tunnel comics broken up by biopunk tokusatu battles 

72) Aposimz vol 8 - Interesting thing in this & the last volume is how the art has actually gotten more solid, maybe for speed, w/Nihei finding a new balance between his normal style and the super airy drawings of the first few volumes. (personally I like it better when it's less solid but 🤷🏽‍♂️)

73) Batman and Robin and Howard - A very fun, breezy bedtime read with my son. (He quickly asked about the existence of a follow up book as we finished, so hopefully there’s more) A large part of the book’s charm is the positive examples of social communication between kids that don’t immediately get along.

74) 2000AD Prog 387 (1984) - I got a short stack of newsprint 2000ADs. Look at this beautiful shit. I know “the best Kev O’Neill is his b/w work” but anytime he breaks out the dyes and markers I am so on board.

Inside cover, love the newspaper photo style on the Tharg illo. Cool Cam Kennedy and Ortiz pages.  Wagner/Grant and Ron Smith (who does lovely work here) truly doing the work to make sure people know that the Judges are the bad guys.

75) The X-Cellent #1 - Not exactly sure how I felt about this but it’s got enough of that old juice that I thought about picking up the next one (but didn't).

76) The Thing #4

77) One-Star Squadron #3 - Giffen & DeMatteis’ How To Get Ahead In Advertising wasn’t on my bingo card but here we are.

78) Dead Dog's Bite #1 - Stylish, but this kinda felt like if they’d roped Adrian Tomine into one of the waves of Vertigo comebacks that didn’t work.

79) Future State: Gotham #10

80) The Jam: Super Cool Color Injected Turbo Adventure From Hell #2 - A thin POD book of *mostly* new BEM, I'll take it however. Forever missing his ink on paper era, but I guess that's long gone—& “A Secret Bowman” looks about as good as anything he's done since going digital.(prints a little dark) The extra material is variable but fun enough.

81) X-Men #8 - MODOK makes sense as an X-Men foil. I like the soapy stuff with Synch.

82) Venom #5 - The way Venom is now Elric...

83) Marauders #21

To be continued! Read Part 1 here

[transporttoanotherplace]

Goodbye December and the year 2022. What a wonderful year for me book-wise. I am going to enjoy writing my post for my upcoming book goals for the year. But for now let's focus on wrapping up December.

My book goal: 7 books and I went overboard and read 18 books.

These three were in my goal list but I only finished 2. The First to Die at the end is a 4-star ⭐⭐⭐⭐ read. Almost as good as "They Both Die at the End" (thank you Adam Silvera for those references to the future and for realizing how the books tie in together) but the love story to me isn't as captivating as it was between Rufus and Mateo. There is so much that you can do with a word where deathcast exists and I enjoyed being able to explore that more in-depth and all the questions it raised for the medical community in particular. Us as an audience knowing that Deathcast is real and having the knowledge of how it works makes it so difficult to read this as society experiences Deathcast for the first time.

Objectively, Dead Silence is a 3.5 to 4-star read but personally, for me I have it as one of my favorites for the year. I loved the characters and I was so intrigued by the mystery and atmosphere of the book. It haunted me for days and I wanted so badly to watch a movie similar to the book. The issues for the book lie in the buildup and structure. We get to the plot really fast and the creepiness immediately sets and I needed that build-up to care for these characters. The book transitions from past to present and I understand why but I actually think it would have made more sense to follow a more linear path to allow for that character development. I know the time transitions were supposed to build up the mystery but the problem is we're supposed to believe in the red herring the author presents us but it doesn't work because I don't actually believe the character is capable of doing what they were accused of. Also, the deaths of characters weren't very emotional for me because of the lack of build-up. The reveal at the end of the mystery was perfect though and hinted at while not being obvious.

I could not get through Night of the Living Rez as hard as I pushed myself. I hadn't realized it was a collection of short stories and I tend to really struggle with enjoying short stories because I am very character driven and tend to dislike being pulled out of the story and being asked to care for some new characters when I am still focused on another. DNF.

So imagine my surprise at how much I liked this one. I gave it a 3.5 star rating out of 5 because there are some stories that aren't as strong but this book packs an emotional punch and I left several of the stories with the thought "what just happened?!?!?" I felt the theme of grief, the crumbling of one's internal self, reflecting on mistakes, and the overwhelming anxiousness of your life falling apart so deeply in many of these stories. I was happy to only have to go through a snippet because you realize that leaving the characters that their story isn't changing. They are stuck in this perpetual cycle of loss and instability and this snipped into their life is all you need. There's one story in here particularly that is a 5-star read. But there are a good few that I would have left out which sadly lowers the rating.

Lessons in Chemistry ⭐⭐⭐⭐4.25. One of the funniest books I have read this year. Unique protagonist and inspirational.

Chasing the Boogeyman ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4.0 I cannot believe this wasn't a true-crime book. It felt so real and if it weren't for the last chapter with the author's self-insertion that was clearly dramatized I would have bought it completely. Really captures the effect a serial killer can have on a small community.

Wrong Place Wrong Time ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4.0 Wonderful mystery and thriller but best of all I think this book captures the power of motherhood and having more trust in ourselves.

I'll Be Gone in the Dark ⭐⭐⭐⭐4.5. I am rating this for its genre because this book is certainly not more enjoyable than Lessons in Chemistry to me but for its genre it deserves a high rating. Well executed, doesn't glorify the killer and instead focuses more on the investigative hard work and people impacted by the Golden State Killer. It's a shame Michelle died before she could complete it herself personally or see the outcome of her work.

Roses in the Mouth of a Lion ⭐⭐⭐⭐4.25. Emotionally devastating and while I cannot speak to the accuracy of growing up Muslim in Corona, New York I can speak to how beautiful this book is. Very lyrical and beautiful descriptions. I go to Corona regularly and I could perfectly envision the train station and 7 train. As a child of immigrants myself Bushra perfectly captures the friction of growing up in the USA and exploring new ideologies and facets of identity (sexuality) that aren't discussed in conservative cultures and how it clashes with our parent's upbringing. I encourage people to pick this up and enjoy. Warning for homophobia. I do wish more had been done with the ending. I really feel like this book needed an epilogue. I know likely the answer would have still been awful but I would have accepted it.

[unclewaynemunson]

Prompt for steddie - A+ if it's angsty - but Steve trying to Conceal Don't Feel TM his crush on Eddie by going on dates and Eddie letting out a "hope she's everything you're looking for :))" at some point

Also good luck with your thesis Anna!!

Oooh I love this, thank you so much!!! Here you go, I hope it's angsty enough for you ;P

'How was your date last night?'

Steve was at the trailer with Eddie, having a smoke on the front porch, their knees lightly touching each other as they were sitting side by side on the dirty old couch.

'It was great,' Steve lied.

'Did you get any?'

'Yeah, it was fucking amazing.' Another lie – well, not entirely. He had slept with Rachel. But she had looked distracted and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about big brown eyes or long dark curls or ring-clad fingers while he should've been looking at her.

'Nice,' said Eddie, but there was an odd look in his eyes.

'You know, I really think it's going somewhere with her,' Steve blurted out in an attempt to drive the weird tension that was suddenly hanging between them away.

Eddie raised an eyebrow as he took another drag from his cigarette. 'Really?'

'Mhm. You know she's exactly my type, right?'

Eddie just rolled his eyes. 'I hope she's everything you're looking for, then,' he said. The way he made it sound just slightly biting made Steve's skin crawl.

'Yes, she is!' he said, a little too loud. 'You know what? She's exactly everything I'm looking for, she ticks all those goddamn boxes! She's, like, super hot, with her blue eyes and her long blonde hair and fucking perfect boobies! And she's freaking hilarious, one of the funniest girls I ever met. And we like the same music, she loves basketball, and it – it's fucking terrifying, Eddie. It's freaking me out.'

'What was that?'

Those dark eyes piercing into his own made him completely forget what exactly he was saying. 'It's all wrong, Eddie,' he said, unable to keep the despair from his voice. 'Because she's perfect for me, and I should've been head over heels for her after the first date, but I – I – ' He couldn't tell him. He couldn't say it.

But Eddie was still looking at him like that and he couldn't really think properly anymore.

'Steve.' He felt Eddie's hand cover his own. 'No need to freak out, man. Just keep breathing, alright? You can talk to me. What's going on?'

'I think I'm broken,' he admitted, quietly.

'What?'

He couldn't stand having those eyes on him for even one more second, so he glanced away, bowing his head to stare at the wood underneath his sneakers. Eddie's hand was still touching his, warm and gentle and driving him crazy in a way that nothing about Rachel had driven him crazy the night before.

'I'm thinking about the wrong person,' he tried to explain, unable to keep the frustration from his trembling voice. 'I've been on dozens of dates to get him out of my mind, but nothing seems to be working. And now there's this fucking perfect girl, and if even someone like her can’t get you out of my mind, then probably no one can, and – it doesn't make sense! You fucking broke me, and I can't even have you.'

'Steve?'

Eddie's hand finally left his, and Steve kept staring at his sneakers intently, knowing all too well what it meant that Eddie let go of him so quickly, knowing that Eddie would for sure be disgusted by him.

But then, he felt Eddie's fingers gently touching his chin, lifting his head up to make their eyes meet again.

'Steve – you – you were thinking of me while you were dating all those girls?' His voice was barely more than a whisper.

'I am so sorry, I know I shouldn't have told you, and I didn't – '

'Jesus, Stevie. Do you have any idea how fucking jealous I've been of those girls, hearing all your gross date stories? And all this time, you were into me?'

'Wait – hold on – jealous – huh – what?!' He couldn't even produce a complete sentence anymore.

Eddie chuckled softly at his stammered words. 'What on earth made you think that you can't have me?'

He was too embarrassed to keep looking at Eddie. 'Well, you're... you. You're this cool metal nerd person. We don't share any interests like me and Rachel do, I'm just some lame ex-jock who peaked in high school and works at some stupid video store, while you are this perfect, amazing, fascinating – '

'Okay, shit, there's a lot to unpack there,' Eddie interrupted him, 'and we'll do that at some point, but right now, I need you to shut up, Stevie. Can you do that?'

Steve could only nod as Eddie moved closer towards him. And when their lips finally touched each other, the taste of smoke on his tongue and Eddie's hands in his hair and on his back, Steve immediately knew that he never wanted to go on any date with any girl ever again. He had found everything he was looking for, right here on this dirty old couch in Forest Hills.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

(for the "ways to say i love you" prompt) 44 w/ taakitz? :o

44. “You don’t have to pretend with me”

((prompts here - send some in!!))

also this is based off this other prompt fill i did. doing fic of my own fic. vv cool and awesome of me.

--

Kravitz half-wished that he had had enough common sense to take his own car when fleeing from the mafia with Taako because Taako's car had two tires in the grave. It was a gray 2005 honda civic and the breaks made a screeching sound with the slightest touch. He also kind of wished that he had taken Taako up on his idea of hotwiring another car so they couldn't be tracked, but he had to put his foot down on that one. If they weren't throwing their phones away (Kravitz definitely wasn't) then there was no point, because they could probably be tracked either way.

Another wish- and Kravitz knows he's asking a lot with this one- was that someone would tell him what the fresh hell was going on. Taako's a werewolf, the mafia's after him. Great, yeah, understandable. Who was Lup? Why were they going to her house? Why did Lup live so far away? Again, who was Lup???

She had given them an address last after Taako refused to talk about anything on the phone and they were nearly there, which was the good part. The bad part was that Kravitz was incredibly exhausted. Going from Goldcliff, Arizona to Rockport, West Virginia was a proper road trip and Taako was insistent on getting there as soon as possible. It had taken two days of persistent switching for Kravitz to convince Taako they needed to stop somewhere.

Sleeping in this shitty motel was better than sleeping in the car. It still wasn't great, but it was better.

Now if only Kravitz could sleep.

"Kravitz," Taako whispered into the dark of the room. Well, the almost dark. There was a too-bright sign outside that wasn't going to be turned off anytime soon. "Are you still awake?"

"Yeah," Kravitz said. He rolled over, coming face to face with Taako. "Need something?"

In the light of the outside sign, Taako's face scrunched up and Kravitz was almost afraid he was going to start crying again. Instead, he blinked away tears, and said,

"I didn't wanna drag you into this."

Which was as good as an apology he was going to ever get from Taako. Kravtiz sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. When he looked back towards Taako, he said,

"It's fine-"

"It's not," Taako interrupted. "It's really not. You don't deserve this."

"No one deserves this," Kravitz said. "But Taako you don't- you don't have to pretend with me, okay? We've known each other for like, a year at this point, right? And I can pretty confidently say that you're one of the funniest, kindest people I have ever met. Okay? You don't have to pretend to be okay with all of this. Gonna be honest, I'm scared and they're not even coming after me."

"You don't deserve this," Taako repeated miserably, hiding his face in one of the stoney pillows.

"Taako," Kravitz said. He tucked a strand of hair behind Taako's ear and rested the hand on his cheek afterward. "Look at me, please?"

Taako peaked up from the pillow, blinking away more tears. Kravitz wiped a stray one away with his thumb.

"I love you," Kravitz said gently. "I think you deserve to have the whole world love you, werewolf or not. I don't care about whatever bullshit mafia is chasing you or about the sudden move or- or you're horrible fashion choices-"

"Low blow," Taako said, but he was smiling slightly now.

"I love you," Kravitz repeated, squishing his cheek together. "I love Taako. I can shout it from the top of this motel if you want me to. This isn't- you might find this hard to believe, but this isn't a deal-breaker for me. I have been in much worse relationships."

"I'm at least a bar above the tapioca guy, right?" Taako asked, wiping his eyes. Kravitz grinned and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"At least two bars, babe. Can we please try to sleep again?"

"Yeah," Taako said. "Can I hold you?"

"Please," Kravitz said, scooting forward. Taako wrapped an arm around him, pulling the blankets up further. Kravitz shut his eyes.

He could still see the light from the sign outside through his eyelids.