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bartxnhood · 2 years ago

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wherever you are | l.r.h

luke hemmings x fem!reader

summary: he doesn’t want it to end but you can’t take the pain of being so far from him anymore.

warnings: angst, crying, break up, mentions of not eating, no happy ending / cliffhanger(?)

w/c: 2.3k

requests open

not proofread

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six months is a long time to be away from the people you consider family. it’s even harder to be away from someone who you had planned to spend the rest of your life with. luke promised himself that he wouldn’t mess up what he had with you, he swore to himself that he’d do right by you. he wouldn’t do you the way he had done his previous relationships.

but touring was hard, on his part and especially yours. but good things never seem to work out for luke.

you had a deep love for luke hemmings. he was your closest friend; you always enjoyed being with him and missed him when he was away.

however, you were unaware of your feelings at the time and merely dismissed them as a result of your closeness to him.

luke also thought of you as his best friend, and the two of you shared everything. luke was always with you; if he wasn't, his energy level was noticeably lower than when he was around you. luke needed light, and you gave him that light. when the other guys or close friends pointed out how evident it was that he felt something for you and that you definitely did too. luke, though, always dismissed it as being quite close to you.

at first, he thought maybe he was projecting his feelings on you after going through such a bad breakup, but it wasn’t until the other guys started pointing out how he acted when you were around, or the way his eyes would light up whenever getting the chance to talk about you.

luke didn’t realize that his feelings for you were genuine until the first time he left for album promotions. he remembers how his heart ached as you stood in the airport waving goodbye as you smiled but luke didn’t want to leave, he looks at you once more as before boarding the plane hoping the trip would end soon.

six weeks wasn’t too long, right?

when tour finally ended it was a bittersweet moment for luke, he was happy it was over. he was beyond exhausted and was ready for a break, and of course seeing you again after months. but also, he would miss the adrenaline when he was on stage, he would miss meeting all the fans and making a connection with them.

the moment he stepped off the plane and walked to baggage claim and saw you waiting for him, he was so glad to be back.

when his eyes met yours and he felt his heart skip a beat, a wave of relief washed over his body.

you were waving at him, smiling widely as he walks closer to you. “welcome back, rockstar!” you cheer as he wrapped his arms around your waist. your scent fills his mind as he lifts you off the ground. “ ‘missed you so much” he says into your neck. “i missed you too, lu!” your arms are around his neck, giggling as he lifts you, spins you around before setting you back down.

you both pull away, luke stands close with his hands cupping your face. he doesn’t say anything, he’s just staring. you feel your cheeks heating up while looking into his blue eyes. “what?” you ask, breaking the tension.

“i love you.”

oh.

oh god it slipped.

you blink and proceed to laugh, “i love you too!” you say, not thinking he meant anything serious by it.

“no. i..” he sighs, shaking his head. “i *love* you, y/n.” he repeats, looking i into your eyes. “i didn’t know until i left. six weeks without you made me realize that i love you.”

you feel yourself tearing up at his confession, “oh, lu..” your hand caressed his cheek, your thumb dragging over the stubble on his chin. “i love you, too” you smile and luke feels the weight behind lifted off his shoulders. “thank god, because i don’t know what i would’ve done if you didn’t..” he laughs, resting his forehead against yours.

“can i kiss you?”

your face must’ve went red because luke laughs softly. “sorry, i know that was sudden”

“no! it’s okay. really. you can kiss me” you assure. luke nods, leaning in and letting your lips meet.

that kiss changed everything.

since the beginning of your friendship with luke, you were aware of his job. how he would have to leave for a certain amount of time and you were okay with that, you understood his passion and you admired him for it. you knew you loved what he did but it required a lot of traveling.

but when you started dating him, it hit harder and harder to watch him leave.

when he was gone, you would wait by the phone in the hopes that it would turn on and display his name and picture. luke would chat with you on those nights until you were too sleepy to carry on.

he would tell you how interviews went or all the things he saw while he was abroad on those nights, which you treasured the most. he would do his best to reassure you that he will return soon on the nights when he would hear your cries. he would hum your favorite song on those nights, wishing he was with you, his arms wrapped around your body hushing your cries.

but nothing could prepare you for the longest tour they would have.

you should have braced yourself for the mental breakdowns that followed luke’s departure for tour.

you told yourself that you could manage it.

but as you stood there in the airport, hugging luke goodbye, your heart began to break.

“i’ll be back soon i promise,” he says kissing your forehead, “it’s only a couple of months. i will be back before you know it." he assures as he presses a few kisses on your face. you frown, “it’s six months,

lu. that’s half a year.” he nods, “yes, but, i will call and text you every day, kay?" he says, and you nod, "i know..i'll just miss you so much..” your arms are around his waist holding him tightly to your chest.

“shh, i know, sweets.” he sighs, rubbing your back. “the sooner i leave, the sooner ill be back.” he adds, pulling away and looking at you, he kisses your lips once more. “i’ll text you when i land, okay?” “okay..” you sniffle, smiling sadly.

you look into his beautiful blue eyes, “just come back to me, okay?” he nods, “i will. i promise.”

the two of you share one last kiss before he finally pulls away. “i love you, y/n.” “i love you too, lu”

luke turns to leave, hands the desk clerk his passport, then looks back in your direction and sees the tears staining your cheeks. he mouths, "i love you."

“i love you, too” you mouth back and watch as he rounds the corner, disappearing.

luke was staring out the window the entire flight, with only one thought on his mind. you. he reliving the sight of you crying, as he walks away. he remembers all your previous anxieties, those late-night phone calls where you would be crying to him about how much you miss him.

hes wondering if he made the right decision if he's about to lose the one thing that kept him sane in his life.

luke looks at the time one last time, seeing his lock screen, which shows the two of you on the beach standing together as the waves crash on your feet. he groans and turns off his phone before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

the tour seemed to go on forever. the days were endless, and the weeks felt like months. he checked the calendar every time, and only a few days had passed.

three months had passed since he left you at the airport that day. he never stops thinking about how much you must be suffering while he pursues his dreams while you stay at home.

but you know he's doing his best, and you know it must be difficult for him to be away from your friends and family for so long.

luke kept his promise, he called you almost every night, and on the nights he didn’t, he at least texted you. and in the beginning, you were stronger than you thought you would be.

but both of you couldn’t keep pretending like everything was okay.

eventually, it just got to the point where you couldn’t take the pain in your heart, you couldn’t keep staring at the calendar wishing it was the end of the tour.

you would cry almost every night while staring at old photos. showering was getting harder, you had a never-ending stomachache, and it felt like you never had to eat or drink anything.

for weeks, you were doing the same thing. sitting up in bed, crossing your legs beneath your heavy blanket, and rocking back and forth. your hands discovered your hair. it was greasier than you thought. when was the last time you washed it?

you didn’t want to call him, you told yourself you had to be strong and not depend on him.

where was he today? what country was he in? what time was it?

you couldn’t help but think of his voice. his voice which was as smooth as honey, his voice which could lull you to sleep.

luke was also worried about you, each day he was in another time zone and he was just getting further and further away.

the last he heard from you was a few days ago and it was only a few texts. his thumb hovers over your contact, hesitating if he should call you. he finally caved and clicked your number, bringing his phone to his ears.

“hello?” you answer, luke could hear the pain in your voice. “hi, my girl. you okay?” he asks, but you don’t reply for a few seconds.

“luke..” you sob.

“oh..sweets..” he sighs on the other line.

“i..i can’t do this. you’re so far away luke. i can’t keep doing this.” you cry, now you were sat on the floor against your closet door with your knees to your chest. “i haven’t slept in days, lu. i miss you so bad..i just..”

luke’s heart constricts hearing your broken sobs, his eyes squeeze shut trying not to cry. listening to your sobs he knows he shouldn’t have left. “shhh, i know. i know. i’ll be home soon..just..take a few breaths, okay?”

“no, lu. i..i can’t. i’m sorry..” you pull your phone away from your ear and hang up on him. you stare at your phone before dropping it to the floor.

luke does the same, pulling his phone away from his ear and looking at your contact photo. he groans, dropping his head.

he had now lost you.

luke couldn't remember anything after the night you broke up with him, so the rest of the tour was a blur. he was a complete train wreck. he would have starved to death if it hadn't been for the guys forcing him to. they had to take him out of his bus bunk and force him to brush his teeth. the only thing on his mind was you.

he would stay up late at night looking at old pictures of the two of you, listening to your voicemails, and reading old texts. he wants to call you and pour his heart out to you, making up for his mistakes and abandoning you. but he really wants to call you and tell you it's you. that he will always love you and that no one will ever be able to take your place in his heart.

but he doesn’t, because luke is a coward.

forgetting you was almost impossible for luke, he couldn’t get you out of his head. he got so lost in your love, he thought everything was going right. a love that made him forget how badly it hurt when he was away.

luke misses your voice, he misses the light in your eyes, he misses how you would listen to all of his concerns and how you’d tell him sweet nothings to calm him down. luke misses everything about you.

one hundred and eighty-two days had gone and he was finally back on the plane heading home. nothing had changed; he still missed you so deeply that it hurt him. he hadn't seen your face since the end of the relationship. luke can only hope that when he returns, he will be able to work it out with you.

throughout the rest of the tour he had messaged you a few times but you never replied. the last he messaged you was the night before, letting you know he was coming home but it was radio silence from you.

he had hoped that maybe you would show up.

luke steps off the plane and he can only hope and pray that you would be there waiting for him. but when he rounded the corner to baggage claim, his heart sank. you were nowhere to be found.

he collected his bags and continued to the exit, maybe you were waiting for him there?

luke lets the cool breeze hit his face as he looks around but yet again, you are nowhere to be seen. he sighs, rubbing his forehead. “she didn’t show?” he hears ashton ask. “nope..” luke answers, as ashton pats his shoulder. “i’m sorry, mate.” luke nods, and begins to load the van.

“luke?” he swore he heard your voice, but it was probably just because he was jet-lagged. he continued loading his luggage in the van but calum stopped him, “mate..” he said, pointing behind the blond.

luke turns around, his eyes land on your figure which was swallowed in one of his old sweatshirts. “y/n?”

#5sos fan fiction #5sos smut #bartxnhood asks #bartxnhood writes #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #calum hood angst #luke hemmings fanfic #5sos #luke hemmings x reader

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rvllybllply2014 · 8 months ago

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Aw thank you! <3

Oh true! If spilling blood in front of the crown princess is apparently okay, then who is anyone there to argue against it? Poor lord Bracken though, seeing him crying over his son's death was hard :'(

Oh good point about how insane Bloodraven was! Along with his ruthlessness & cruelty.. I totally agree on anger, pride, and instability being a trait of the house. While the Brackens seem to favor a quiet kind of strength, not the kind to go looking for a fight but not backing down either when dragged into one, holding their ground instead.

Knowing Willem resented Raylon from his birth, I have to wonder if the reason he didn't lash out at young Raylon is because he sees something of young Amos in him.. Maybe he'd be the one to start the mocking rumor that he's a Blackwood bastard? Just to be petty?

Oof poor Amos, even if he always knew it deep down..having the truth smack him in the face, along with the knowledge Willem killed his brother.. It wasn't just Willem's heart that broke that night I'm sure. It must have been so painful for him too!

Poor doomed Aeron & Davos ;A; Can you imagine if to keep Aeron safe and to learn just how much like Willem Davos is, Amos would just straight up kidnap him and bring him to Stone Hedge? I mean he'd know better, but maybe he could attempt to convince Davos that he doesn't have to be Willem..

Oh poor Raylon! I feel awful for him, but is it weird to feel a little relieved that a beating & sleeping outside is the worst he'd be put through? That he'd remind Willem of a younger Amos put him in more danger in my head, of a guard getting permission from Willem to get handsy in other ways..dosn't help that Raylon is cute too.. And Amos being forced to listen to his son's screams, unable to do anything to help him! I imagine he's never hated Willem more than in this moment!

And Amos chained to Willem's bed?! Forced into begging for Willem's touch after being grudgingly pushed to his limit by touches his body still remembers after so long! I wonder how much he'd be forced into begging, and how much would be him just wanting Willem to be done with it, hoping he'd grow bord after satisfying his lust.. Ooh now the real question is how would Willem treat Amos in bed? Honestly I could see him being rough (treating it like half a punishment/half a reward) and leaving marks all over Amos, as proof that he belongs to him fully! Also how many times Willem takes his pleasure, I doubt it only happens once in Raventree Hall, likely happens in their tent too! (i absolutely adore this idea btw, i'd love to read it as a fic! :D )

Amos having been the light of Willem's life..there's something so bittersweet about that :< I wonder how much of Willem's darkness Amos could have tampered if he'd never found out about his brother. I fully agree about Amos's upbringing too, that it'd get harsher after his brother's death is a nice touch! And him allowing Aeron (and likely raylong too!) to embrace his softer side while teaching him to be string still so incredibly sweet ;w; Also with how the Bracken's we've seen keep their tempers in check pretty well…imagine before they brake up, every once in a while Willem would push Amos to the point of snapping and pinning him against a tree or the ground and Willem just love it? Seeing the mix of fury & excitement in Amos's eyes? Then he could try to flip them over and crush their lips together..leading to a little passion between them ;3

Aw please don't apologize! I adore hearing your thoughts, and the Blackwoods & Brackens are often on my mind too! I've already plenty ideas in mind just for Willem/Amos >w> One being teen Willem & Amos fighting over the boundary stones, only to both be attacked & captured by Ironborn raiders and shipped to Essos to be sold as slaves. They'd end up escaping in Slaver's Bay (after being marked) and having to depend on each other as they attempt the long trip back home, even better if they run into the Dothraki, just so Amos can bring home a Dothraki horse of his own! x3

Thoughts are under the cut. Non con.

Yes poor lord Bracken all he can do is sit there and hold Jerrell while he’s dying. Even if he wants to kill Willem right then and there he can’t, his house needs him, Amos is too young to be the lord without regents. And if he thinks Willem is insane then he just knows how much more insane his father is.

If Targaryens can have madness inherited (yes it’s the incest) who says that other houses can’t have some traits inherited. Especially between houses Blackwood and Bracken, why else would they still feud with each other centuries after house Blackwood got kicked out of the north and forced to settle in the riverlands. Plus there was only one point in history that they got along and that produced the founder of house Justman who ruled over both houses for 300 years. There’s probably something embedded into each houses dna that makes them just automatically hate the other house.

I think the quiet strength that house Bracken exhibits is because they are know for breeding horses. You don’t want to come off angry at a horse, it seems like a good way to kicked by an agitated horse. So they have to keep their anger under control, they learn to turn that anger into sternness.

Amos’s father probably told him that Jarrell was killed by a son of lord Blackwood, he probably didn’t know Willems name at the time. All he knows is that it wasn’t Samwell Blackwood. So Amos feels safeish in keeping his friendship with Samwell going. Eventually Samwell is the one to introduce Willem and Amos, and then pushes them to start dating because he can see how much they like each other.

Willem and Amos were just having a petty fight about if they could risk going to a whore house together and getting a private room along with paying for a whore only to kick her out before they fucked. Amos thinks it’s too risky too many people could see them enter the room and then the whore immediately leaving the room. Willem insists that it would be fine nobody pays enough attention to other patrons in whore houses, and if they did well the answer is simple the whore didn’t want to listen to them argue about who was going to fuck her first. So she told them to come find her when it was settled. It just continues to escalate from there until finally Willem says it was easy enough to kill Jarrell in the heat of the moment but it wouldn’t be easy to kill Amos, because he loves him damn it why can’t he see that. It’s also the first time Amos draws his sword against Willem with pure anger and hatred flashing in his eyes.

That was also the first and only time either one had told the other one that he loved him. Amos has Willem repeat the name of the Bracken that Willem killed, because he surely hadn’t heard the right name. But he had so he tells Willem it’s best if they part ways before one of them ends up dead by the other’s hand. Both their hearts shattered that night along with their dreams of having their kids unite their houses.

If Amos did kidnap Davos he’d tell him it’s for his own good, that he can still learn to embrace the softer side of himself. It’s the least Davos can do for Aeron. Unfortunately it doesn’t work, Davos escapes after seriously hurting some of Aerons friends. Amos doesn’t tell Aeron that he told him so, he just holds him and tells him that whatever he’s feeling is valid.

That’s also how Willem finds out that Raylon is the spitting image of a young Amos. Davos had gotten a glimpse of him when he was leaving Stone Hedge. Of course it hurts Willem to know that, it meant Amos had truly moved on, while Willem hadn’t. Willem couldn’t bear the thought of bedding someone who wasn’t Amos. Davos is Samwells legitimized bastard, aka Benjicot older half brother, Benjicot is still heir to house Blackwood, it’s just Willem and Davos are his regents. So yeah in a moment of hurt pride, a broken heart and just pure pettiness Willem starts the rumor of Raylon being a bastard who isn’t Amos’s btw, and Amos being forced into pretending that Raylon is his true born son.

Willem definitely will reward the guards who are told to watch Raylon. Raylons a bastard after all, after lying about Raylon being a bastard for so long Willem starts to believe it himself. So Willem doesn’t care if they beat Raylon or force him to do sexual acts, or even rape him. It truly doesn’t bother him, if Amos asks about his son he just tells him that Raylon is being treated fairly enough as someone of his status would be treated.

Willem convinces himself that even though Amos is crying every time he comes to bed it’s because of pleasure. Amos is really crying because the touches remind him of his Willem the one that he loved as a young man, the Willem touching him now is cruel. So it’s definitely a punishment to Amos, but a pleasurable reward to Willem. It’s an every night occurrence that Willem takes Amos, it’s also when they have to leave Raven Tree hall that Willem really starts to leave visible marks on Amos. Before it was mainly on Amos’s thighs, lower stomach, inner groin and butt that would be marked freshly every night. But now that they have to report to Harrenhal Willem makes sure that the marks can be seen on Amos’s neck, hands and face he will not tolerate anyone else looking at Amos and thinking that they have a chance with him. And Willem also makes sure that Amos is screaming his name every night in the tent, he wants the whole camp to know that Amos is wholly owned by him.

Willem constantly reminds Amos on the road that he’s only this way because Amos left him. If Amos had stayed maybe 10% of his light could’ve pushed 10% of Willems darkness away. He tells him maybe if Amos had said he loved him back they could’ve ran away to somewhere in Essos and Willem would’ve learned how to control his darker feeling with Amos’s help.

Yeah if teen Amos and Willem get captured and sold as slaves, they fight so hard to make sure the other leaves with him. If they’re branded their house will see how they are truly warriors, or if they’re sold to the Dothraki they’ll keep the slave collars as proof of what they went through, they’ll also steal some so they can buy passage on a ship back to Westeros. Amos definitely steals a Dothraki horse, just the one though, and makes Willem hold onto him the whole time. Shipwrights try to buy the horse off Amos, but he refuses he needs the horse to prove to his father that he really was sold into slavery. He’d already decided to let Willem keep the collars as proof. Plus he knows how valuable a Dothraki horse is, especially to his house.

#older brackenwood #house of the dragon #amos bracken #willem blackwood #davron #aeron bracken #davos blackwood

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merakiui · 1 year ago

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MERAAAAA THAT AZUL BDAY FIC!! THAT AZUL BDAY FIC!!! Quite literally life changing mind altering brain melting life defining.

It was so good that I think I'm currently too excited about it to truly explain my feelings so apologies if I'm rambling nonsense😭

The way you wrote about the second years graduating and how their school life was slowly coming to an end made me nearly tear up ngl. All the heartfelt moment with the side characters were so good!! You truly capture them all so well. I like how you brought up Azul and Riddle's rivalry and Jamil's desire for a vacation. All those little moments added so much life to the fic.

this was such a sweet read, I must have squealed and rolled around in my bed out of excitement at least 10 times like a possessed maniac(it's 3 am in my region rn so I probably woke my neighbours up, whoopsies)

The way you write Azul is the best honestly, I think you capture Azul's smug loser energy so well. The two sides of him are balanced so well in your fics. I also liked the way you wrote about the reader and her experience of falling in love with Azul, and how she captured different sides of him with the photos. it was so precious to read about🥹

I'm so happy you wrote such a beautiful fic on Azul's bday!! He's truly worthy of it!! Thank you for your hard work and creating such a happy ending for him🫡 you deserve all the azul cards to come home to you the first roll, considering your services to Azul nation.

THANK YOU!!! (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈) THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!! I am so honored it was an enjoyable fic that you could love so much!!!! It was so much fun to write!! Only the sweetest of stories for Zuzu. orz

I'm so glad you liked all of the interactions with the second years!!! Those were my favorite parts to write in the fic. Getting to write all of them was so fun. I love their interactions and how they're sort-of-but-not-quite-but-most-definitely in on Azul's crush on you mwahaha. Since the story is framed around graduation, I just had to include them! These are friends (all of NRC just visibly cringed at that word) they've known since the beginning and have attended classes with, school trips, etc etc. Of course they'd all feel sentimental at the thought of those four years finally coming to a close. T^T graduation days are always filled with lots of emotion, so I hoped to capture those bittersweet and exciting feelings in this story!

Omg,,, potentially waking the neighbors over Azul.... that is a very valid and completely normal thing LOL. Sometimes you just have to squeal over tako hehe. <3

Thank you for liking the way I write Azul!!!!! ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ he is very smug loser all the time. I like his two sides!!!! And Reader falling in love with him AAAAAAA!!! >w< I wanted it to feel a little like a slap in the face. Whereas Azul's been marinating in this love for two years, Reader has never quite understood why she feels so drawn to him until she finds herself stuck between him and...him. Those two Azuls did a number on her heart. ;;;;

I'm pleased to serve Azul Nation delicious meals. ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ he deserves the happiest of endings on his special day!!!!!!!! May you be blessed in gacha every time you pull for the beloved tako. :D

#sweet messages

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platonic-qpr-selfshipping · 2 years ago

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hii! could i maybe get found family headcanons for zhongli as a father figure or xiao as a brother figure? (s/i is like the travelers companion/sidekick, if it matters)

thank you, you’re doing the gods work as an aro selfship writer <33

omgg I'm happy to write this! I also see Zhongli as a father figure and Xiao is one of my fav characters so this will be comforting to write about. and yes, the details about the s/i help a lot, actually! thank you so much for this request!

Zhongli as your father figure + Xiao as your brother figure

¡! s/i is Traveler's sidekick

Zhongli

He was thankful of how both Traveler and you were helping in Liyue, defeating enemies and helping citizens in daily life stuff, so he got used to the sight of your little group wandering around. If you agreed to accompany him when he asked, he'd smile and thank you for your asistence.

So be prepared. He's gonna drag you through several shops, infodump about history of cuisine and architecture and maybe even buy some toys made for kids that caught his attention because he "had never seen anything like that before". It usually gets to a point where Traveler leaves you alone with him and he ends up handing said toys to you as a gift.

Somehow, when he's walking around with you he feels the peace of having a young person beside him that will listen to his words and continue living with them in their heart. So he becomes even more interested in commenting random facts with you, as well as asking about your opinion and smile when his stories bring you memories of your own experiences.

That would make him a great listener. Even though Paimon would find it hard to believe that Zhongli would so attentively listen to someone talk about trivial matters, you found yourself going to him for advice over time. It just happened, and he prioritizes your wellbeing over anything else when putting his thoughts into words in his answers.

Taken how your friend seems to have had their life influenced by the war thousands of years ago, he may feel like he could have done better for you, that the person he was in the past doesn't deserve the admiration you seem to feel towards him in the present.

Therefore he would try his best to help you on your adventure with anything he can. The Traveler and Paimon will easily notice it: how he sometimes appears out of nowhere when you get yourselves into trouble, the invitations to dinner after some days out of the city, receiving some gifts and advice from him from time to time... Paimon will joke that they have your father's protection in this quest.

But Traveler needs to go to another nation no matter how nice your stay in Liyue could have been, and seeing you go leaves him with a bittersweet feeling. He's proud to see you'll visit new places as you wish to, but at the same time it's like an important presence in his days is going away. In any case, he'll say goodbye with a smile and a hug if you'd let him.

He would secretly give you some food for your trip to the next nation. Food from Liyue, of course, incluiding some of the new favorite meals you found while visiting restaurants with him. And if you need to ever write to him to continue receiving his advice and support, he'll be more than happy to answer.

Xiao

Your first meeting was probably sort of awkward. If you had told him back then that he would end up wanting to protect you as if you were family to him, he wouldn't had believed you. How fool of him.

You start to appear in his life rather often because of missions, requests and any other necessary affairs the Traveler lends you. At first it was because of the convenience to split up the work, but they slowly start to realise that Xiao's easier to convince when you are the one who goes to him for help.

Maybe it was in the way you talked, in the anecdotes you tried to mention during your silences together or the way you always waved goodbye only to make, once again, the effort to go up the mountain the day after. He started to seriously wonder and even worry about about your days, so he once offered to walk you to Liyue himself.

In the way back, your curiosity about the unknown nation got the best of you and Xiao started to answer some of your many questions. Teaching you the uses of some flowers and giving you instructions to get to specific mountains, especially the ones with the most snow during winter. When he realised what he was doing, he had already spoken much more than he had expected to. Not that it was a lot, but enough to surprise him.

So when you got busier with the Traveler and Paimon, he started to wonder when you'd go see him again. Just as if he expected your human presence and enjoyment to accompany him at least for part of the day, to show you his favorite tofu and hear about what you had been up to.

He decides to stay a bit closer to Liyue for some time, and one of those nights he finds you wandering around. The situation you were dealing with at the city could have started to feel overwhelming because of how importantant it was, and he doesn't think it twice before approaching you after seeing you in this state.

Were you hurt? Had something happened? Was what he last gave you not enough for the request you had to fulfill? He may sound a bit harsh when trying to know what he has to deal with, but it's just that he hates to see you hurting when he's right there and willing to stop it.

Would quietly listen to you if you ask him to do so. He'll feel fulfilled knowing that he is helping somehow. Because he feels as if you were part of him now, and your wellbeing is a new motivation for him to continue fighting for every day. If your adventure continues, then his must too as you are like siblings sharing this path in life.

#f/o community #self shipping #self ship community #self ship #f/o #selfship #f/o headcanons #parental f/o #father figure f/o #brother figure f/o #sibling f/o #genshin impact #zhongli #xiao

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pearlsephoni · 2 years ago

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At the End of the Sun, Ch 22: Upriver

Can also be read on AO3!

Rating: Chapter: M; Whole Work: E

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Kagehina (Kageyama/Hinata)

Characters: Shoyo Hinata

Word Count: Chapter: 3.2k; Whole Work: 160k

Summary: The trip through Oikawa's island presents obstacles, both expected and unexpected.

A/N: Originally published on AO3 on July 15th, and beta'd by @/r0mantic-era. C/W for descriptions of monsters and violence. Further author's note can be found on AO3.

☾

True to his word, Hajime woke Shoyo up when the sea was a glittering orange from the sunrise. Shoyo wasn’t completely refreshed, but at the very least, he was steady enough for a day of trekking through the forest. He told Hajime as much, but he was met by a creased brow and his pack being swiped from his hands before he could shrug it on. “I’ll take that,” Hajime declared. “You take your weapons. You’ll need easier access to those, and they’re not as heavy.”

“Is the island that dangerous?” Shoyo balked.

Hajime only answered with, “I don’t like exaggerations.”

For all his warnings, the first day passed in relative peace. Hajime was easy to travel with: he knew what questions to ask to keep Shoyo talking and when to ease up with the questions, all while keeping a sharp eye out for any hidden companions on their journey.

Shoyo, for his part, ended up sharing stories about his family: what his father was like before his untimely death at sea, and how that contributed to Shoyo’s fear of sailing; his mother’s work as a healer and how that saved Natsu’s life; Natsu’s bright smiles, sharp wit, and careful hands. Every word Shoyo said felt like it might pop the careful seal he was trying to keep on his tears after so many days of crying. But speaking about his family also eased the heavyweight in his stomach. However this quest turned out, he could always go back to them.

“That’s worth a lot,” Hajime said with an almost wistful smile. “What you’re doing is difficult and brave, don’t get me wrong, but it must be a big weight off your mind, knowing you have a place you can unconditionally go back to.”

He was right. Shoyo knew he was right. He did his best to remember how lucky he was to have his family. But hearing it said out loud in such plain words still made his heart squeeze. “I…yeah. It is. I miss them a lot.”

“Of course you do. That’s because you love them.”

The words were an echo of his father’s reassurances in his dreams. Shoyo’s eyes stung over his grateful smile. “Yeah…thanks.” He blinked firmly as he asked, “What about you? Where is your family?”

Hajime’s kind smile soured into badly-concealed grief. “They, um…they haven’t wanted anything to do with me in a long time. That’s why I’m here—this island gave me a chance to disappear and start a new life.”

“Oh…I’m sorry.” Shoyo wasn’t sure of what else he could say. “How…how has your new life here been?”

Again that smile morphed, this time into something more bittersweet. “Amazing. Better than I’d ever imagined.”

“That’s good! I’m glad to hear that!”

“Thanks, kid,” Hajime laughed, giving Shoyo’s hair a gentle ruffle. “I hope you can have a life like that, too, with the people you love.”

“Me, too.” He tried to return the smile, but he was distracted by catching himself from stumbling over a root.

More than any creatures, the island’s terrain proved to be quite the challenge. It was difficult to tell at first glance, but the forest was on a steady incline, one that made itself known to Shoyo’s worn muscles. But still he pressed forward, stubbornly ignoring the glances Hajime kept giving him, until—

“Woah!” Hajime’s hand shot out and caught Shoyo’s elbow before his feet completely slipped from under him. They were walking along a river that had recently lowered, leaving its banks wet and slippery. “Easy does it. You alright?”

“Y-yeah,” Shoyo stammered. He slid his arm out of Hajime’s hold once his feet were fully steady beneath him. “Sorry, I…I lost my focus.”

Hajime’s eyes flickered over him. “Should we take a break?”

“No!” Shoyo immediately said. “No, we need to keep moving. We haven’t seen many creatures today, we should take advantage of that!”

“It’s not much of an advantage if you’re just going to get yourself hurt in other ways.”

Shoyo shook his head. “I can keep going.”

“Hinata—”

Whatever Hajime was going to say was drowned out by a terrifying shriek. Shoyo whirled towards where the sound had come from, and found two, red, glowing orbs approaching them from within the trees. Cold focus washed over him, steadying his hands as he pulled forth Tobio’s bow and drew an arrow, aiming straight between the eyes.

Because they were eyes. They bobbed with every step taken towards Shoyo and Hajime, and as they came closer, the sunlight exposed more and more of the body it belonged to.

Like so many things Shoyo had seen on his journey, he was looking at something that should only exist in storybooks. Those red eyes were set in a black ox’s head, with yellowing horns curving out of the top that matched the black and yellow teeth exposed by its slobbering mouth. A forked tongue flicked in and out, as though the creature were navigating by the taste of the air as much as its sight.

But what truly sent a chill down Shoyo’s spine was the body that head was attached to: round, black, with eight sharp legs scuttling forward and dark hair sprouting along its length.

An ox head on a spider’s body. The stuff of nightmares and horror stories.

“Shit,” Hajime swore, grabbing at his katana. “Since when has Oikawa had ushi-oni as guard dogs?”

“Shouldn’t you know that?” Shoyo bit out, too focused on holding aim. Another shriek tore out of the oni, making the air shudder around them. That’s when Shoyo loosed the arrow, sending it directly between its eyes…where it bounced harmlessly off the monster’s skull. “…What?”

“Normal weapons won’t work,” Hajime muttered. Before Shoyo’s disbelieving eyes, he removed his sheath and katana from around his waist, setting it against a rock. “Run.”

“What?! No, I’m not leaving you!”

“Let me handle this, Hinata.”

“Hajime-san—”

“GO!”

At his bellow, Shoyo’s legs scrambled to obey before he could even decide to refuse again. With adrenaline pumping through him, he found his footing better on the slippery banks, and he managed to run from the sounds of shrieking and grunting and…snarling. Wolven snarling.

Recognition jolted through Shoyo, distracting him from seeing the gnarled tree root in time. His foot snagged on it and sent him tumbling into the muddy banks, Tobio’s bow flying out of his hands.

“Shit!” he gasped, scrambling on his hands and knees to grab at the bow. He didn’t trust himself to be steady on his feet, so he stayed down as he drew and aimed another arrow…and dropped it harmlessly to the ground.

There, where he’d expected Hajime to be, was a big wolf with beautiful dark brown fur and large paws. It was snarling at the oni, leaping nimbly around its stabbing legs. Instead of dodging away, the wolf was dodging closer, until it could duck under the thick neck of the oni and escape its line of sight.

The next shriek sounded confused on top of enraged, before it suddenly cut short into a nauseating gurgle. Blood spurted from its mouth and throat, and when it tossed and flailed around, Shoyo could finally catch sight of the wolf sinking its teeth into its throat and holding on.

No way…

Shoyo couldn’t dwell on the revelation. He grabbed his fallen arrow and aimed it once more, this time aiming for the oni’s eye. If his arrows wouldn’t pierce bone like they usually did, then surely they would still gouge out an eye.

With all the monster’s writhing, his arrow didn’t quite meet its target. But it did still meet the oni’s face, flying across and slicing the eyeball on its journey. Another bloodcurdling scream tore from the oni, and with a hard swing of its head, it finally managed to send the wolf flying into a tree, where it crashed with a terrible thud and slumped to the ground.

“No!!” Shoyo screamed. He knew the wolf would be fine, even if his suspicions of who it was were correct. But he was irrational in his desperation to keep it safe. So he slung back the bow, grabbed at the hilt of his katana, and charged forward.

He made it three steps before a huge splash of water burst from the river. He was knocked back down by the force of the water, and not a moment too soon: a large, serpentine creature shot out of the river and over Shoyo’s prone body, colliding into the oni and sending it sprawling.

It…it was a dragon, a long, lithe dragon covered in white scales with a mane of aquamarine fur running down its spine. It was unlike any creature he had ever seen, absolutely beautiful, except for the dark, twisted mass right where its heart would reside. The mass looked nearly cancerous, with tendrils spidering across the dragon’s pale body, and was so dark, it was more purple than black. The sight twisted Shoyo’s stomach in dual disgust and pity.

He drew another arrow and aimed for the corruption on the dragon, keeping it in his sights despite the dragon’s writhing and snapping at the oni. But he couldn’t fire the arrow, not yet, not when the dragon was snapping its jaws around the oni’s neck, just where the wolf had broken the skin, and gnawing at it as though to chew the head from the body. Shoyo knew that his arrow wouldn’t break through the oni’s skin, and the demon was being swung just in front of the dragon’s corruption, forcing him to wait…and wait…and wait.

Sickening sounds of wet chewing and the oni’s agonized shrieking echoed through the forest and drowned out the flowing of the river. Shoyo’s stomach twisted again, sending bile up his throat, but he clenched his jaw against his nausea and held his arrow steady. Breathe, just breathe.

He didn’t have any sense of how long the dragon gnawed at the oni, too focused on tracking the corruption and keeping his stomach steady. His only metric for passing time was the oni itself: its shrieking was growing weaker and weaker, and it stopped thrashing as much, its strength clearly draining with the black blood dripping to the dirt.

When the dragon released the oni, its body fell to the ground with a nauseating thud and splatter of blood. Shoyo immediately found the corruption and aimed once more, only to freeze when the dragon’s head whirled to pin him under an emerald green gaze. It was steady, strangely knowing, as though it were looking straight into Shoyo’s heart. He hadn’t intended to kill or even injure the dragon—aiming at the corruption was meant to kill the source of the infection so it could be cleansed—but Shoyo was still nearly overwhelmed by the desire to set aside his weapons, approach the dragon, and rest his forehead between its eyes.

He was so focused on the dragon’s eyes, he didn’t notice the black veins creeping up its neck until they turned those green eyes a terrible black. The dragon seized up, retching over the oni’s limp body before letting out a bellowing roar and pinning Shoyo under a terrible, infinite gaze.

This was it. Even if Shoyo loosed the arrow and let it hit the corruption, it wouldn’t be enough to impede the dragon’s movement, and he would be between its jaws before he could draw another arrow.

The dragon drew its head back, getting ready to strike…only to be knocked down to its side by a streak of dark brown. Shoyo could only watch as the wolf dodged the dragon’s snapping jaws to press on its neck and bite down at its scruff. It wasn’t a damaging bite so much as a tranquilizer, as though it were a rowdy puppy and not a huge, powerful creature.

The wolf waited for the dragon to slump into the ground before releasing its jaws from its scruff, then met Shoyo’s eyes and ordered in a familiar voice, “Don’t shoot it. The arrow can pierce too deep. You have to cut and drain the corruption.”

That was Hajime’s voice, there was no doubt in Shoyo’s mind. Did that mean he was also cursed—?

“Hinata!”

“Right! Sorry!” Shoyo hastily swapped out the bow and arrow for his dagger and moved towards the dragon, kneeling next to the corruption over its heart. With his closer proximity and the easing of his adrenaline, he had to choke back gags from the terrible stench rising from the corruption. It nudged at his memory and made him think of the time his mother had a patient whose hand had already started decomposing by the time he’d come to her, giving her no choice but to amputate.

That same stench of rot and death was rising from the dragon now, but the corruption was purplish-black, different from the gray-green decomposition of that old patient.

Shoyo sucked in shallow breaths, trying to keep as much of the stench out of his nose as possible as he raised his dagger over the throbbing corruption, centered the point over the blackened center, and drove it down.

The dragon screamed, forcing wolven Hajime to sink his jaws back into its scruff. Shoyo’s breaths shuddered, but his hands stayed steady, slicing an X into the tumor and setting the dagger aside to press his hands into both sides of the fresh cuts. The stench intensified with the blackened pus being pushed forth, and Shoyo couldn’t hold back his gagging anymore, but still he worked, pressing and pressing and forcing more and more of the corruption to splatter to the ground.

It was like a never-ending well of rot and darkness. Shoyo kept pressing until he was practically dry-heaving from the smell, and then, finally, a black, snail-like tendril slithered out, and with it, the last threads of black leached out of the blue and white expanse of the dragon. Shoyo snatched up his dagger and stabbed at the writhing bit of darkness, and heaved a sigh when it finally crumbled to dust beneath the silvered point.

“It’s done,” he announced. He looked up to see the wolf sniffing and licking at the dragon, who looked close to passing out. “Is it okay?”

“She needs water,” Hajime muttered, nudging his snout against the dragon’s one more time. “Water and a clean wound.”

Shoyo was quick to take out his waterskin and pour some water over the wound, before smearing on some of his mother’s ointment. Who knew if an ointment that worked for mortal humans would work on a dragon? It was worth a try.

“You’re good at that.” He jumped and looked over his shoulder, and found himself staring into warm, hazel eyes set into dark brown fur. “Your mother taught you well.”

“Ah, yeah…I tried to learn what I could,” Shoyo murmured, looking back at the dragon’s wound and smearing a last bit of ointment on. There wasn’t much else he could do—he didn’t want to wrap it up, not when he was unlikely to be able to change the wrapping. “Now water…”

“Let’s get her back into the river,” Hajime muttered. “She’s the river’s spirit, it’ll heal her up, especially now that the corruption’s out.”

Shoyo nodded and moved to crouch at the dragon’s head. “Hey,” he whispered, stroking the space between her eyes, “can you move? Or should I help?”

Emerald green eyes flickered open and stared straight at Shoyo, pinning him once more under a too-aware gaze. The dragon nudged at his hand, before painstakingly lifting her head and pushing herself towards the water.

“Wait, let me—” Shoyo carefully wrapped his arms around the dragon’s sturdy body and lifted her from the ground, moving slowly in case she fought against his help.

She didn’t. If anything, she went limp in his arms, letting herself give in to her weakness as he slowly dragged her over the ground, towards the river. The moment the ground turned damp beneath his feet, she began squirming, just enough to tell him to gently lower her.

“There you go,” he whispered, letting her go with a final stroke to her head. As soon as his hands left her, she slid into the river with barely a splash. She as good as vanished, leaving no sign of her behind, and a soft sigh escaped Shoyo as he slowly pushed himself to his feet.

Suddenly, in a burst of water, the dragon shot out of the river, swirling like a ribbon caught on the wind. Her joy was palpable in the way she danced through the air, before slipping back into the water and rising before Shoyo. She stared at him, emerald eyes glinting and watching him slowly approach her until he stood before her.

Her ears flicked as she considered him. Then, with a gentle care that reminded him of his mother and made his eyes sting, she leaned forward and pressed her nose to his forehead. His skin tingled, as though she were smearing tiger balm across his forehead, and cooled when she pulled away.

She gave him one slow nod, and he responded with a deep bow. By the time he straightened, she was gone, leaving behind a river that burbled sweetly and slowly rose to reach its former banks.

Shoyo stared at the spot she’d vanished, lost in thought. He didn’t notice the rising water lapping at his toes until he heard a soft, “We should get moving.” He looked over his shoulder and found Hajime back in his human form, tying his robes shut and securing his katana back at his hip.

Questions clamored in Shoyo’s mind, but for the moment, he stuck with, “Are we going back into the forest?”

“No. We should stick by the river as long as possible, though we’ll have to be mindful of the water levels rising again.” Hajime looked up from his katana to Shoyo, and a grin crooked his lips. Shoyo didn’t understand why until he explained, “You did a good thing. A great thing, honestly. You freed the spirit and its river from corruption, and in return, you have a blessing from the river spirit.”

“A blessing?”

“Mm. That’s why she touched your forehead. As long as we stick by the river, we should be safe from any other attacks, and it’ll be good to journey next to fresh water. All we’ll have to do is stay on the higher banks to keep from getting wet.”

“Woah…”

Hajime’s grin turned a bit rueful. “You…probably have questions.”

“Yeah. Um…a lot, honestly.”

“That’s fair,” Hajime sighed. “Let’s focus on making good headway. We can talk when we set up camp.” The curve of his lips eased into something more roguish and knowing. “You can ask all the questions you want then.”

Shoyo couldn’t help it: he felt a matching smile spread across his face as he chirped, “Okay!” He hurried around, gathering his arrows and slinging everything back in place before rejoining Hajime. “Ready!”

Hajime grinned and reached out to ruffle Shoyo’s hair. Shoyo instinctively squeezed his eyes shut at the ruffle, and when they opened again, he found Hajime watching him with an inscrutable smile. “Are you sure you’re okay to keep going?”

Shoyo’s response came as quick as a reflex. “Yeah! I can go until sundown!”

“Good. With any luck…” Hajime stared up the river. “We might just reach our destination by tomorrow.”

Ice shot across Shoyo’s skin. Tomorrow. One more day. After months of journeying, he was finally one day away from facing Oikawa and pleading for Tobio’s release. Fear and anticipation twisted his stomach, but he schooled his expression into one of determination as he raised his chin and met Hajime’s gaze. “Let’s go, then.”

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sunatoru · 2 years ago

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bottom of the deep blue. (epilogue)

⇒ mermaid!suna x siren!reader

summary : sirens, creatures of unmatched beauty and cunning charm, they lure men in with their voices and grace, taking advantage of all the gullible fishermen and pirates. mermaids, the peacekeepers of the deep blue sea, naive and kind to a fault at times. a fated encounter between the two underwater dwellers leads to a difficult situation and a love that shouldn’t be.

warnings : mentions of past trauma, phantom pains, saying goodbye.

genre : mermaid au, pirate au, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, betrayal

a/n : the conclusion of ‘botdb’ this feels so bittersweet. my first ever series, finally coming to an end. thank you so much to everyone who read it, and to everyone who had shown any interest whether it be through comments, reblog a or asks. AND TO THE PEOPLE IN THE TAGLIST 🥹 but i think the person who deserves my thanks the most, is my best friend and long time tumblr moot, mimi 😭 my 4lyfer fr, if she didn’t laugh at my spelling mistakes, you guys would have instead. sihsjshsk jokes jokes !! but everyone say thank you mimi, if it wasn’t for her, half my fics wouldn’t exist ( she fr helps me brainstorm and plan everything )

w/c : 1.4k

after rintarou’s banishment, life went on, over the years the relationships between sirens and mermaids had slowly begun healing, the hatred turning into a tolerance for one another, and soon a friendliness flourished under the deep waters waves.

you’d spend hours looking up at the surface on the water, never getting close enough to break it, you’d never had a reason to go back up there, not even your curiosity for rintarou could make you face the world that almost harmed you beyond repair.

you were content under the blanket, in the life you lived, with the friends you had made, the surface no longer had meaning, your life was more than just killing sailors and pirates. you could freely explore the vast ocean, knowing you’d be safer even in the darkest depths, than you had been even a foot above the water.

though you regretted many things after your traumatic experience with rin, you couldn’t regret loving him. the raw emotions he had evoked from you in the short while of knowing him, the love he made you feel. you were thankful you learnt what that could feel like. more thankful that you could experience it again.

it seemed like the merman from rintarou’s kingdom were quite the charmers.

shinsuke had met you exactly a year after your return home, a year after the banishment of one of his best friends, and a year after you had closed yourself off. the first twelve months after the events had been the hardest, getting used to working with a tail that would never be as good as it used to be, and a mind constantly clouded by thoughts and the loop of the pain you had gone through. even years after the events, your scars would ache from phantom pains. yet shin stayed by your side.

a reminder that good things came with time, you regained your strength, your passion, your soft touch. life was better with someone to love, someone who fulfils your silly little fantasies. sure, he wouldn’t bring you treasures from above, but he’d bring back different rocks he’d found on his journeys and always had a story to tell. he’d teach you about the other kingdoms’ customs and would take you with him to the places he knew were safe.

his love for you was pure, the softest and sweetest love you could have ever wished for. shinsuke loved you hopelessly and endlessly.

so, when you suggested visiting the surface after decades of avoiding it, with the intention of finally checking in on rintarou, shinsuke asked to come with you. he vowed to keep you safe, to protect you from harm, and though it was to visit his old friend, after knowing the pain he caused you, shinsuke exercised extreme caution.

the trip to the surface was a nerve-wracking experience, though it was short and quiet, you could feel the heavy pounding of your heart, and when you finally reached the top, you took a second, clutching shinsuke’s hand tightly before breaking past the barrier of water.

sucking in a deep breath, you gazed at the same rocks you had been taken from, the rocks where it all began, the rocks where you decided you loved rintarou.

your eyes moved past the rocks to the buildings that now surrounded the shore, it was quiet— empty, however, it was different. it was nothing like the shacks and villages you saw all those decades ago. these had more structure, it looked sturdier, more detailed than before.

shinsuke squeezed your hand, silently asking if you were okay. with a slight nod, you pulled the both of you towards the ledge, letting him pull you out of the water after his tail had dried into human legs. your arms still felt weak despite the anxiety leaving you.

within a couple of minutes, the two of you were running down to where you remembered helen’s shack being, mermaids and sirens had no awareness to the modesty of humans, but from what you had remembered, your nude forms would be heavily looked down upon, so the both of you ran as fast as you possibly could down to the rundown little shack of the woman who had first greeted you into the human world.

with deep breaths you pushed the shack door open, thankful that it was still here. your eyes gazed around the room, landing on a blanket that you could use to wrap around yourself, and a discarded towel shinsuke could wrap around his own body.

after calming down, you fully took in your surroundings, lips pursing at the sight of fresh mermaid scales drying out on the counter. a bucket of water below it, and a pair of boots haphazardly thrown off on the floor.

the feel of the shack had changed, it no longer felt like the working space of a woman who held an unusual amount of knowledge of the world beneath the sea. it had a more homey feel to it, more like a shelter.

your thoughts were broken by the shack’s door swinging open, letting the light in to illuminate the figure standing by the doorway. a figure you were hoping to see.

“…rintarou?” your breath hitches. he hasn’t changed.

rin looks equally as shocked, not expecting to see you in front of him after years of no contact. he lets out a shaky exhale, taking a slow step forward, and then another, and then a few more before he makes it in front of you. a hand moving up to cup your cheek.

“yn?” his eyes soften, his body relaxes, his other hand aches to cup your other cheek. to hold you, to hug you.

a smile slowly spreads across his features as he examines your face, you hadn’t changed, you still looked as soft and sweet as the day he had met you. with a love-filled exhale, he looks past you, gaze locking onto shinsuke’s who had already been staring at him.

“s-shin?!”

“hello, rintarou.” the two continued the mutual eye contact, before shinsuke broke it, eyes trailing down to the hand that was still cupping your face so gently. rin’s gaze trailed down to his own hand, quickly lurching it away from you, breaking you out of the emotional trance you were locked in.

the tension was high, the pain was sinking in. rintarou was alive, he was alive and he still loved you. and that fact hurt you more than a stab from any pirate ever could.

he loves you, but you couldn’t love him. not when you had shinsuke, not when everything you had ever wanted to feel was felt because of a man who had loved you so passionately without breaking your trust, without placing his selfishness above your own safety. shinsuke was worth the hardships and mistakes you had lived through.

rintarou was not.

“what are you two doing here?”

shinsuke speaks up for you, walking up close enough to place a gentle hand on your shoulder. you sink into his warmth. “we wanted to see how you were. see if you were still alive. i’m glad you’re doing well, we should leave now.”

“shin—“

“i’m glad i could see you two again. even briefly. yn… i have the rest of eternity to apologise for what i did, please let me. i will spend every hour of the sunlight and every second under the night sky atoning for my mistakes, so long as you don’t hate me for what i did to you.”

you were shocked, and from the sharp inhale from shinsuke, you could tell he was too.

“rin… i— i don’t hate you. i forgive you, i forgave you long ago. when the pain stopped hurting and became a memory that i could lock away. live your life without the guilt of what has happened. eternity is a lot less bearable when you have regrets.”

you move to hold shin’s hand, squeezing it tightly before pushing past rintarou, your heartbeat quickened and your breathing stuttered. you needed to leave, to get back below the surface, back into the comfort of the cave you had found so many years ago.

the surface wasn’t a place you would willingly come to often, if ever at all. but, you’re glad you could say what you needed to say, and leave rin with a final goodbye before you both went your separate ways for the rest of forever.

what you had gone through was hard, but saying goodbye was harder.

tags : @lomlsuna @akaashiwife @plixy @on-crows-wings @1-800-s1ya @sabztov @keiji-in-a-can @tamak00 @erintaro @bertqut1 @usermins @yanihatesu @rntrsuna ( bolded, could not tag!! )

#🌀. botdb #suna x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #hq x reader #suna x y/n #hq imagines #haikyuu angst #suna angst #suna rintarou angst #suna rintaro x reader #hq angst #suna imagines #suna fic

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solkwan · 3 years ago

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Carnation (prt2) - Han Seojun X Reader

A/N: hi :] thank u for waiting for me. once again, this piece is from the kdrama “True Beauty”, as well as a continuation of the first part (linked below). Feel free to message me if u have a question, if u’d like to kno more about the story, or just wanna talk :D. mwah

Summary: You and Seojun reunite at school.

Disclaimer: i’m using the names from webtoon but im following the kdrama timeline. im not caught up w the webtoon. i’m not fluent in hangul. no use of y/n. gn reader.

Warnings: spoilers for ep.8 thru the rest of the season essentially, read at ur own discretion. swearing, mutual pining, right person/wrong time, bad flower knowledge. mentions of suho/jugyeong.

Word count: 10k

prt 1 <- prt 2 -> epilogue

----

Time had passed since that weekend in the snow.

Though, your voice still echoes in Seojun’s mind.

Seojun hadn’t expected to see you so soon after your last encounter, and in his homeroom nevertheless. You, in the Saebom High uniform. Blazer unbuttoned and sweater vest neatly tucked into your bottoms. With one backpack strap on as you walked through the door, walking across the large windows, sun casting its rays onto you. You, who sat two seats in front of Suho and smiled widely as you greeted your friends. Eyes sparkling as you told them about your weekend. His breath had practically been taken from him.

Seojun came to the realization then that he didn’t pay much attention to the people he attended school with. He regretted it. Reminiscent of all the time he had wasted not getting to know you. Seojun had promised himself he wouldn’t let you be just another classmate he never truly got acquainted with. Up until recently, he had meant that completely platonically. As platonic as sneaking glances in between classes in the hallway could be.

That was until the class’ trip to the countryside. Wherein he decided he has to let Jugyeong go, gathering the kiss she and Suho shared on the trip. He knew where he stood with her and his feelings. Seojun had decided it was for the better. Besides, it had led him to discover his blossoming feelings for you. Perhaps it was the way you cheered for him when he went up to sing for their class on stage. Or the way you offered your sour flavored gummies to him on the bus.

Back then, as everyone was boarding the bus, you had noticed the gloomy look on his face. He ended up sitting next to Jugyeong, but the look remained etched onto his face. You figured if he was going to frown at something, you’d rather it be from a bittersweet candy on his tongue than a girl whose bad mood reflected his own. Maybe they had fought, maybe they were just tired. But as you leaned over the middle of the bus, holding onto the seat in front of you for support, and stretched your arm to tap on Seojun’s shoulder--you couldn’t deny the satisfaction of getting the skin in between his brows to relax, even if only for a minute.

In the time that had passed, both of you remained friendly. Eyes meeting in class and softening slightly. Low murmurs deep enough to rumble in one's chest in passing ‘hello’s’’. You did occasionally feel guilty, though. Rumors had spread about Jugyeong and Seojun being in a secret relationship. You, not understanding the circumstances, in turn, tended to not read too much into your interactions with the boy. He was just being nice, you figured. It was better this way.

Seojun, on the other hand, had been under the impression that you and Seung-joon had been dating. The number of times the two of you had been spotted together was increasing. As well as the amount of teasing from your friends.

In reality, you hadn’t made much progress with Seung-joon. That first weekend that you had met up with Seung-joon hadn’t exactly gone to plan. By the time you had found Seung-joon, it was hardly snowing anymore. More of a light drizzle than anything. Yet, the two of you sat on a cold bench anyway. Watching the dark clouds drift off and the sun appear once more. In school, he was often busy playing on the basketball team, and you were busy with the school choir. Since your schedules never overlapped, you only saw him outside of school. You frequently found yourself going to Seung-joon when you truly wanted to be with Seojun. Which only piled onto the guilt you felt.

Now, Seojun and you sat in class. Both actively resisting the urge to make your way to one another. Sitting patiently in your assigned seats as you waited for class to begin.

“Don’t look now, but Seojun is totally checking you out,”

Your head turns without a thought. In the corner of the classroom sits Seojun, one leg hanging over the other. His arms are splayed lazily on his desk, and his eyes are glued to you. A blush brushes his cheeks when your eyes meet. And yet, he doesn’t turn away.

You’re not blind to his staring. Honestly, it’s hard to be. You just question when his eyes wandered away from Jugyeong and found their way to you. Your friend pinches your thigh.

“I said don’t look,” your friend scolds you.

“Am I not allowed to glance around the classroom?” You tilt your head playfully, giving her a snarky response.

“Not when Seojun is looking at you like that,” she’s just as snippy.

“Like what? He’s just being friendly,” you shrug.

“No way,” she’s leaning forward now, voice close to a whisper, “he’s totally into you!”

You roll your eyes. Annoyed at the way your heart skips a beat at the thought. You take a peek at the back of the classroom once more, and find his eyes are still on you. You offer him a smile and his lips quirk in an awkward smile. He quickly offers a poise bow of his head and fixes his eyes elsewhere immediately afterward.

When you turn back to your friend she has a wide smirk on her face. You glare in return.

“Do you think that because you have a boyfriend now more guys will approach you?” She teases you but you don’t find the humor in it.

“Who said I had a boyfriend?” the way your voice drops tells her it's serious.

The smirk begins to fade from her face. She opens her mouth to say something but quickly closes it when she can’t find the words. She glances off to the large window to your left, searching for answers in the clouds. The gears turn in your head.

Before you can reach a proper conclusion, Mr. Han walks through the door and is starting class. Your friend jerks her body towards the front of the classroom, successfully saving herself. Your teacher begins class by saying good morning. You can make Seojun’s voice out through the chorus of monotone students. The usual conversation starts up within the class. Students don’t want to study, Mr. Han makes an agonizing attempt to cheer everyone up, and everyone cringes at the corniness.

Unsatisfied with your classmate, you lean forward and whisper as loudly as you can without getting caught. Letting her know that you are not done with the conversation.

“Did Seung-joon say something?” you ask her and her head slowly turns back to you.

Her face is distressed as she wonders if it’s the right idea to say something. Mr. Han is going on about choosing students to assign the weekly cleaning to. Everyone avoids his eyes.

“Well,” she finally speaks out, “I just heard around that you two went out,”

“Heard from who?” You’re stubborn and she’s lavishly regretting bringing up the topic.

“Just some upperclassmen,” she shrugs it off, “I’m sure the whole class heard about it, it’s not a big deal or anything--”

“Seojun,” Mr. Han’s voice echoes through the classroom. It lulls your conversation.

Seojun, whose eyes had previously been glued to your frame, is surprised when Mr. Han is singling him out. Eyes wide and searching the board for some sort of clue as to why he was being addressed in front of the entire classroom. Mr. Han is staring at him expectedly. When he doesn’t answer, the rest of his classmates’ heads start to turn.

Yours included. Wondering how Mr. Han had voiced your thoughts.

Seojun, you wondered. Had he heard the rumor, too? Did he think you and Seung-joon were dating? Did he know Seun-joon was the one you were meeting that day? Did he suspect he ruined that date?

You turn your head to view him, waiting for him to answer Mr. Han. He’s panicking, though, and you can tell he wasn’t listening to the discussion either. Your eyes meet once more and he stumbles over his words.

“What was the question?” His eyes are blinking in confusion.

A few students chuckle at his puzzlement. A sigh is heard from Mr. Han.

“You’ve got cleaning duty today, do you have a problem with that?”

Once Seojun processes the question, his instincts take over. He cooly tilts his head and winces.

“Ah, I do,” he lies, “Cram school, unfortunately,”

Seojun didn’t go to cram school. He did, however, have to pick up some medicine for his mom to help with the recovery of her most recent surgery. Unluckily for him, the pharmacy is an unyielding 20-minute walk in the opposite direction of his home. It’s times like these Seojun regrets giving up his motorcycle.

“That’s alright. Studying is important, after all,” Mr. Han wearisomely nods his head at the excuse, “we’ve got a quiz coming up,”

The class groans at the words. Their morning is burdened with the reminder of yet another grueling quiz that’ll only deter them further from pursuing higher education. And, though Mr. Han has accepted the excuse, he’s giving Seojun a warning look.

Briefly, you wonder if this has happened more than once. Wonder if while you’ve been distracted by Seojun’s drama and dating rumors, you’ve completely missed him dodging every academic duty that’s been thrown his way. Irritation blooms in your chest at the thought, and you realize you’ve never once seen Seojun get cleaning duty. His leave of absence suddenly makes you think.

“Any volunteers to take Seojun’s place?”

While Mr. Han is distracted again, you address your friend once more, needing more information.

“What did you hear about Seung-joon and me?”

She’s disappointed at the way you haven’t dropped the subject yet but knows now more than ever you won’t stand down. Hesitatingly, she tells you what she knows.

“Students were saying that Seung-joon was going to ask to be your boyfriend, but judging by your reaction I’m guessing he . . . “ the words die off.

You shake your head at your friend. Sure, the two of you hung out, but neither of you had taken it to the next step. Seojun had prevented you from doing so, and you’re sure Seung-joon noticed your hesitancy. Leaving you on a plateau of confusing, mixed-up emotions.

Mr. Han’s attention goes to your side of the classroom. Obviously taking note of your chatter.

“Suho, take Seojun’s place, will you?”

Suho, sitting a couple seats behind you, politely nods. Everyone else in your section lets out a sigh of relief having not heard their own names, you included.

“And one more student,” Mr. Han pretends to think before your name flies out of his mouth, “You two should be fine, yes?”

You don’t have time to react because another voice cuts through the classroom.

“No!” Seojun rises from his seat, chair squeaking as he does so. The class turns to him at the sudden outburst. The panic is evident on Seojun’s face as he searches for a way to fix his mistake.

“ . . . way,” he finally says, “No way, today is Monday,” He feigns surprise. Eyebrows rising and eyes nervously blinking.

“Thank you, Seojun, you may take your seat now,” Mr. Han says.

“It’s Monday, and I just remembered that I don’t have cram school on Mondays,” Seojun finally reaches a conclusion, sitting down awkwardly.

“What kind of cram school doesn’t start on Mondays?” Hyunkyu, the bowl-cut-haired man, challenges him. Seojun resists the urge to get back up and smack him hard enough to knock off his glasses.

“Which means, I can totally stay after school today to clean up,” he gestures towards you, “We both can,”

The pharmacy doesn’t close until 7 anyway, and the dusk sky looks prettier after he’s spent his day staring at you.

Mr. Han scratches the back of his neck, “Alright, Seojun and--”

“Mr. Han,” you squeak out, one hand raised slightly in an attempt to remain polite, “I hate to do this, I really do, but I’ve actually got choir practice today--”

Mr. Han cuts you off with a sigh, hands covering his face in exaggeration. Remembering the predicament you’ve told him about before. The class stills in fear that he’ll have an outburst. The silence is louder than ever as Mr. Han stays hidden behind his hands.

“Sorry,” you manage.

His hands drop and he shakes his head, “I should’ve done a better job at knowing your guys’ schedules. I am your homeroom teacher, am I not?” Nobody responds.

“Suho and Seojun will have cleaning duty today, that’s final,”

----

Suho is nowhere to be seen. It’s not too long after dismissal now, most students heading home or chatting with classmates as they walk the same way. And Seojun ends up in his homeroom classroom by himself.

Seojun thinks maybe Suho is avoiding him. Perhaps he finally got the courage to disobey Mr. Han, and decided not to show. Hell, Suho is probably with Jugyeong at the moment, spending time together behind closed doors. A more commonly occurring thing now that the two were secretly seeing each other. This left Seojun alone, standing in the back of the classroom, shoving dusty science textbooks into an equally unkempt bookshelf.

Time moves far too slow for his liking and the endless list of tasks seemingly gets longer. The ticking of the clock makes his frustration rise. As the long hand ticks 15 marks forward, Seojun has to face the reality that Suho isn’t showing up any time soon, and he’ll most likely end up cleaning the entire classroom on his own. At this rate, he could probably make it to the pharmacy before it closes, but he’d get home not too long after the sun lays to sleep for the day. He grumbles at the thought.

Seojun’s strategy to combat said thought is simple. It goes like this; Stack as many of the same books together as he can, grab them all at once, and slide them into the corresponding shelf as quickly as he can. This is the most efficient way, he decides. He makes a show of squatting as he grabs a new pile.

“Need some help with that?” You stand at the back doorway of the classroom. Your hand is gripping one strap of your backpack, a habit Seojun now picked up on with how often he looked for you when you’d walk to your seat. Which he had memorized the day he first noticed you, making note of your friendliness towards your classmates. Smiles across the board when you’d greet them all. Even Suho sparing you a nod. It made Seojun’s insides itch.

Your voice startles Seojun. It makes him turn too fast, causing his grip to loosen mid-transfer. He’s nearly dropping the textbooks. You’re quick to rush to him, though. Your feet glide across the floor and your hands fly up to stabilize the texts. You reach him just in time.

The position is awkward, though. The mound of books is tilted. Corners of books stick out uncomfortably and are on the verge of slipping out of the stack. Seojun’s hands desperately hold onto the books. Your hands are adjacent to his. Clutching where you can so you don’t drop anything, elbows stretched as you try to cover more room.

In the heat of the moment, your body has pressed itself as close as it can to the books. The rough corners press into your skin anywhere it sees fit. The same goes for Seojun. The only thing that separates you two is a cluster of An Introduction to Calculus. You knew there was a reason you disliked calculus so much.

Seojun’s pupils are blown wide and his mouth is parted. You can’t help but stare at the hair that reaches the back of his neck. It’s almost nostalgic being this close to him again. Memories of the cold that brushed your skin that afternoon, what felt like eons ago. Fingers tight and shaking to grip him closer.

He catches you staring and embarrassment floods your veins. You pull away, forgetting the mess you’re tangled in. This results in the books slipping out of place.

Seojun’s eyes widen almost comically. You realize your mistake and attempt to catch what you still can. Both you and Seojun lean down at the same time in an attempt to catch them, knocking heads in the process. You both recoil and your efforts are to no avail. The math textbooks hit the floor with loud thuds.

Maybe nostalgia is just that. Feelings of reminiscence to bring back the hammering of your heart that serve you no true purpose. You rub your forehead in defeat and avoid his eyes.

“Sorry,” you say, swallowing, “I didn’t mean to startle you,”

“It’s okay,” His own hand is rubbing at his forehead,

“What are you doing here?”

His directness catches you off guard. This was not the same Seojun that had blushed when you caught him staring this morning.

“I told Suho I would come,” And here Seojun thought Suho had finally gained some guts, “But then I got caught up in convincing my choir club to let me leave early. They all thought I was meeting with Seung-joon,”

At the mention of him, Seojun visibly deflates.

“--But I told them you were waiting for me,” you finally look at him, “And they finally let me leave,”

Seojun tries to not let your words affect him so much. He nods as he processes your words.

“I felt bad for leaving you stuck with Suho. Not that I don’t like Suho, or--or that you don’t like Suho. You two just don’t--” you stop yourself, “I just didn’t think it was fair for me not to do my part in cleaning,”

Seojun’s eyes are soft when you look at them. His face is relaxed and oddly comforting. You can’t help the way your heart rate picks up.

“Shall we get to it then?”

----

You move towards the podium at the front of the classroom, having finished putting the textbooks away as well as dusting the shelf. On the podium sits a small potted plant. Green has sprouted and you can see a hint of yellow where the flower will bloom. The soil stares at you expectantly. You spot a spray bottle on the inside shelf of the podium and grab it quickly. You’re not sure where to start but you decide to go for it. How hard could it be to water some plants, right?

The ‘pshh’ of the water makes Seojun look up from where he’s scraping gum off a desk. You try to ignore him as you aim haphazardly for the soil. It’s pointless as Seojun gets up from where he’s crouching and makes his way to the podium. He reaches you and carefully examines your actions. You look up at him, waiting for whatever he wants to say.

“May I?” his hands go up to yours, you assume he wants the bottle from you. You give him the go-ahead and start to hand him the bottle. Seojun doesn’t grab it, though. Instead, he cups his hands over yours and carefully guides the nozzle. He moves in closer to do so, his shoulder nudging with yours. You’re surprised at how natural his hands feel against yours.

“Tulips don’t need very much water,” he carefully examines the soil to see what parts are moist, “if it gets too soggy, it’ll rot”

He guides your finger to spray softly on the soil. You’re all too aware of the way his body fits next to yours.

“How do you know it’s a tulip?” you narrow your eyes and he simply uses one hand to point at where the flower is sprouting.

“The bulb,” he gives you no further explanation.

In the corner of the room, your phone goes off with a notification. The ding rings loudly in the quiet classroom. It startles you and makes you pull your hands away from his. Leaving the spray bottle in his hands.

Guilt starts to pound at your chest. You feel as if the two of you have been caught. You know it’s Seung-joon checking up on you. Yet, you don’t move to check it. Seojun glances at you, but when you don’t say anything, he decides to do the same. Paying it no attention as he focuses on the plant in front of you two.

Seojun delicately holds the long, green stem of the plant as he sprays water with his opposite hand. You watch with careful eyes as he does so, trying not to let awkwardness overtake the room. His eyes are squinted in concentration and his focus is on the potted plant. You appreciate his attentiveness.

It becomes clear to you that Seojun isn’t as intimidating as the entire school has made him out to be. Surely, he hadn’t been kicked out of school. He isn’t a gangster who gets expelled for starting fights or getting into trouble outside of school. No, he’s a teenager with an oddly large amount of knowledge of flowers. One who knows enough about greenery to tell apart nonflowering tulips and daisies, you’re sure. A young man whose only worry in the world is ensuring this very tulip gets the right amount of hydration. You think about asking him about it.

“I guess you know a lot about flowers,” you say.

Seojun’s vigilance is broken and you half regret speaking. He looks at you, lowering the spray bottle. His eyelashes look pretty from here. You panic.

“I just mean with how often you bring--”

He lets out a chuckle. Your heart skips a beat. His lips settle into a gentle smile as he lowers his body to take a closer look at the soil.

“I like to think I’m coming close to an expert,” there’s a teasing undertone in his voice and it makes you scoff.

He looks up at you and you can’t handle his long eyelashes blinking at you like that. You fail to bite back a smile so you attempt to hide it by looking away from him. He notices, though. You click your tongue.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I knew it’d feed your ego so much,” you tease back but he shakes his head.

“Ms. Yoon is the flower expert,” you meet his gaze as he explains. “She owns the flower shop I go to. That woman knows everything about botany. She’s taught me all I know. From how much sunlight a plant should get to the significance of gifting different types of flowers,”

Your mouth falls open and an ‘ah’ with it. He surely must have known what giving you carnations insinuated, then. Perhaps it's why he blushed so hard that day. You find yourself nodding as he goes on.

“If not for her,” his eyes flick back and forth at nothing in particular, “I would have killed any plant I’ve come in contact with,”

You imagine Seojun entering a flower shop. The sight is almost laughable. Probably overwhelmed as he takes in all the different colored petals that surround him. Eventually working up the courage to ask an older woman in an apron for help. A blush spreading across his cheeks as he asks what kind of flowers would be best to congratulate someone.

Your thoughts are brought back to reality as Seojun sighs deeply. Looking at the soil once more.

“You should have more faith in yourself,” you scold him.

He looks back at you with raised eyebrows. Your words contradict what you said earlier about feeding his ego. He stands easily and his presence overshadows yours.

“I have no trouble being confident in myself,” his teasing returns, “Now, we should let this soak.”

He sets down the spray bottle onto the podium. Then walks back to the desk he was working on, crouches, and starts scraping at the sticky substance under it again. You wonder again about him.

“You know, if I’m being honest,” you’re saying the words before you can give them a second thought, “I didn’t think you liked me all that much,”

Seojun’s head shoots up, his face filled with puzzlement.

“Why would you think that?”

You pick up a rag and head towards the windows, trying to distract yourself. Seojun keeps a steady gaze on you. You look away, his full attention too much for you. Embarrassment creeps up your neck when you realize you have to respond.

“Well, it’s just that,” you start wiping down the windows, “with how we ran into each other at the mall, and earlier in class today, I just kind of figured—“

“I do like you,”

Your hands freeze in place. The way the words sound on his tongue is enticing. And you find yourself enjoying them more than you think you should.

“You shouldn’t say things like that,” you swallow hard, “people will get the wrong idea,”

You do your best to naturally fall back into the work. Though it’s awkward, you continue. A particularly cloudy spot on the window gives you trouble. You use all your force to scrub at it.

“So? You’re Gowoon’s friend, we should get along,” So he had recognized you.

Gowoon and you were friendly, sure, but not enough for Seojun to have the need to be familiar with you.

“Yeah, Gowoon’s friend,” you grumble.

Gowoon’s friend. Gowoon. Not Seojun’s. Not Seojun’s friend because of course, you aren’t friends. You’ve barely had three conversations together if that. Being in the same class doesn’t automatically make you two close. Neither does what happened at the mall during the first snowfall. What happened at the mall was a coincidence. A mistake; a distraction. A distraction like the stupid stain on the window that isn’t going away no matter how hard you--

Water hits the window. It has you freezing. You’re surprised as you turn to face the perpetrator. Seojun holds the spray bottle from earlier and you can see regret creep onto his face for the second time since you’ve conversed with him. He had finished scraping under the desks.

“Thanks,” you mumble as you finally rub the spot out.

His gaze lingers on you briefly before spraying the next window pane. He’s gentle in the way he holds his own rag, Spritzing and letting the liquid drip before running the damp rag along the glass. The way his tough demeanor falls as he wipes the window has you thinking back to your thoughts at the beginning of class that day. You figure there’s no harm in asking. This way, you can confirm your suspicion.

“Can I ask you something?” You don’t bother to stop your thoughts now.

“Sometimes I speak without thinking,” he interrupts.

You’re surprised when a loud laugh leaves you. Seojun finds relief in it.

“Not what I was going to ask, but I’m glad you’re self-aware,” you relish in the playfulness while you still can, “Actually, I was going to ask you something a little more serious. This might not be my place to ask—and you don’t have to answer if you don’t . . . “

You trail off as his face falls. Like he knows what you’re going to ask. Which you think is impossible because you can hardly collect your thoughts enough to get a sentence out. Still, he looks at you as if he can read your thoughts. Seriousness falling onto his features.

“How come you’ve never had cleaning duty before,”

You both know that’s not what you’re asking. You know why he’s never had cleaning duty before. It’s because before he hardly went to school enough to be assigned to it. Even now that he was consistent with coming to school, he always found a way to weasel out of most extracurricular activities that required him to stay any longer than the average school day.

It couldn’t be what everyone said it was. That he ran around with sketchy people, beating others up and challenging students from other schools with bad reputations. There was no way Seojun could hurt a fly with the way he handled the bulbing plant. Wiped at the window. Scraped at gum, even. Motions as smooth as rocking waves, careful not to scratch the desk. The way his warm hands passed you textbooks. Fingers sweeping against yours. Bracelet shining when it caught the light--

“Gowoon’s always been better at the school thing,” he finally says, chewing on his cheek, “And I’ve always been better at taking care of our mom,”

Seojun hates the way pity fills your eyes. It’s the way everyone looks at him after they find out the truth about all his absences. Sadness combing over their body and sympathy filling their words. He half regrets the words leaving his mouth, that is until you reach up and squeeze his arm.

“Sometimes,” you speak, not quite sure if you’re going to say the right thing, but trying regardless, “the world throws things at us,” You’re not meeting his gaze, “And we can’t do anything about it except face it and bare our teeth. It’ll be painful and heart-wrenching. And it’ll feel like no one can understand what you’re going through. But that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone,”

The moment your eyes meet his, Seojun’s breath leaves him. He feels a sudden rush of fear. Fear at the way your words comfort him more than anyone else’s ever have. Even Gowoon's and his mom’s. Maybe it’s precisely because they’re coming from you and not anyone else. The fear yanks him by his neck and makes his heart speed up. He’s overcome with the thought of kissing you, and it terrifies him.

Seojun thinks back to this morning when he saw you enter his homeroom. He couldn’t help but stare, then, at the sun-kissed skin that he caught flashes of behind your collared shirt. Swallowing as he remembered how close you two had gotten that day outside the mall. Enough so that he could smell your perfume through the humid air. It was sweet and alluring. It fit you well. If Seojun concentrated hard enough right now, he’s almost certain he’d be able to smell it again.

Seojun is afraid at the thought. He quickly takes a step back, causing you to drop your hand.

“I know,” he brushes it off, “I--thank you,”

Your brows furrow sweetly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s okay,” he’s quick to reassure you, “My mom--she’s--she’s better now. She spent some time at the hospital and is recovering well,”

Relief floods your system.

“That’s good!” you’re too loud, “That’s great, um, must be why you returned to school, huh?”

You feel silly at your previous attempt to comfort him. He didn’t need to go through things alone, of course, he didn't. He has actual friends and family, after all. Gowoon and Jugyeong, Chorang—

You self consciously run your fingers through the rag still in your hands. Mind whirling through ways to make conversation.

“Yeah,”

Don’t let the conversation die. Don’t let the conversation die. Don’t let the conversation--

“Oh,” you speak, “that must be why you visited that flower shop to begin with,”

His eyes are narrowing and his lips quirk up.

“That and I wanted to congratulate Gowoon for making the choir club,”

You’re startled at the way his tone turns into a light, feathery one.

“Sorry, I guess sometimes I speak without thinking, too,”

Now, it’s his turn to laugh loudly.

----

The sun makes its way lower and lower as you and Seojun finish cleaning up the classroom. Double-checking books and gathering up all the trash as you two work in comfortable silence. The only thing left on the list is to lock up and properly dispose of the two garbage bags sitting in the corner of the room. You’re a little sad to see your time together is coming to an end. You stall by going over the to-do list, humming as you pretend to think.

“I think that’s all for today,” you sigh out.

Seojun comes in close and examines the list over your shoulder.

“Guess so,” his voice rings in your ear.

Your hands tightly clutch at the clipboard that holds the list, bare nail beds on display. Your thumb brushes over the paper, self consciously.

“Should we take out the garbage--?” you’re asking, turning your head over your shoulder to look at Seojun. His face is much closer than you anticipated, nose mere inches from yours. You’re both surprised by the sudden invasion of space. The two of you quickly pull back, embarrassed.

“Sure,” he mutters.

Both you and Seojun gather your things in silence.

“Alright, let’s go,” He makes a beeline for the exit, grabbing one of the bags as he does so. You rush to grab the other garbage bag and lock up the classroom. You have to jog a little to catch up to him, already nearing the end of the hallway.

“Is your boyfriend not walking you home today?” he says it nonchalantly, but the fact he’s noticed Seung-joon says he’s been paying attention to the two of you. You make your way down the stairs.

“My boyfriend?”

“Yeah, that guy,” he grips the bag tightly, “What’s his name, Seung-min?”

A smile spreads across your lips. It’s ironic. Considering all that differentiated their names was a single character, you found it hard to believe he didn’t know Seung-joon’s name. A little round circle that effectively changes the way your tongue shapes the words. A mere consonant separates the two boys.

“Seung-joon doesn’t walk me home, just to the bus station,” you state calmly, “And he isn’t my boyfriend,”

“Isn’t he?” Seojun attempts to speak in an indifferent tone, but his face betrays him.

“No,” your response is immediate as you reach the bottom of the stairs, slowing when you’re unsure of which hallway to walk down. Seojun makes the decision for you when he turns left. The longer way, you note.

“Don’t you two spend most of your time together?”

“Not necessarily,” You speak carefully, “He’ll walk with me when he can and texts me throughout the day,”

“Why don’t you tell me what you think a boyfriend is supposed to do,” Seojun is teasing you now. Glancing at you way too often for him not to care, you think.

You‘re rolling your eyes lightheartedly. Shaking your head, you explain.

“Just because we text doesn’t mean we’re dating. Dating someone is more than that. It’s going out of your way to make time for them. It’s listening and communicating with one another. Someone who is comforting, but still scares you a little.“

Seojun chuckles at the thought.

“Seriously! Someone whose name gets you excited. Makes you feel–”

“Safe,” Seojun finishes.

Heat rushes through your body as you force yourself down from your soapbox. You reach the end of the hallway and turn a corner.

“Yeah,” you mutter quietly, the back exit door getting closer and closer.

Though you’re embarrassed, you have to admit that you don’t want your time with Seojun to end.

“Seung-joon,” you hesitate, treading ahead decisively, “He doesn’t do the things he does because he feels that way,”

“Has he told you that?”

“He doesn’t have to,”

You pause to walk out the single exit door. You go through first and hold the door for Seojun, he simply looks at you. Staring from the other side of the doorway. The air is fresh and you try not to shiver as he does so.

“What?” You ask him, tightening your own grip on the garbage bag.

“Is Seung-joon the one who called you that day?” That day at the mall, weekends ago.

You hesitate, but answer with a soft, “yeah,”

“And he’s been texting you,” he tilts his head toward your backpack, where your phone resides. Referring to earlier when your phone had gone off.

“Yeah,” you echo.

“Maybe you should have more faith in yourself,” the line repeated at you sounds foreign.

He smoothly walks out of the building and makes his way toward the large trash can towards the back of the building. Leaving you holding the door, staring dumbfounded.

“What do you mean?” You jog to catch up to him, the garbage bag rattling in your hand.

You’re reaching the dumpsters all too quickly. Seojun lifts the lid of one and swings his bag up and into it. Then, he turns to you, hand-stretched out expectantly. Your face is heating up as it takes you a second to realize he’s asking for your own garbage bag.

“Is it that unlikely that he likes you?” He says as he disposes of the bag.

“Nobody’s ever shown interest before,” you tell him, and he looks back at you with his eyebrows raised. Almost like he’s saying, “Really?”.

Maybe he had seen the way boys flocked at your feet. Maybe he had made notice of your friendliness. Maybe he was curious about you. Your knees nearly buckle at the thought. You shrug, kicking at your feet as you realize you’ll have to say goodbye soon.

“Not seriously, at least,”

He hums at that, eyes narrowing.

“Is someone picking you up?” He asks, hands in his pockets, wanting to move on.

“No, I take the bus,” you tell him, “is someone picking you up?”

He shakes his head, lips pursed pensively.

“Shall I walk you?”

“Which way are you walking?”

You both flush. You point first in the direction you're going. Seojun’s house is the opposite way. However, it’s the very course Seojun must walk to the pharmacy. Down the narrow path that wraps around the school. Towards the front. There, a bus station sits two blocks down the road from the main entrance. As you both begin to walk that way, you enter a passageway with high walls and hardly enough walking space for one person.

But instead of Seojun staying behind or walking in front of you, he stays close by your side. It makes your arms rub uncomfortably, but it brings you warmth so you stay like that.

“I’d give you a ride on my motorcycle, but I stopped driving it,” he rubs his neck sheepishly, scrunching up his long arm to reach.

“Oh, that’s right,” you recall, “because of your girlfriend,”

Your statement is meant to be teasing, but you can’t help the slight jealousy that leaks from it. Seojun quickly turns to you, stunned at how you know that.

“Who--?”

“You kinda gave her your keys in front of the entire class,”

You remember the day, long ago, Seojun walked into class and dropped his keys on Jugyeong’s desk, rumors quickly spreading as she tried to return them. The whole school speculated over them.

“Oh,” he remembered, “right,”

His eyes glance at your side, trying to read you.

“She’s not my girlfriend, though,” he told you and you hum in disbelief, “Really--my mom just asked her to look after me,”

He’s digging his own grave. Seojun can tell you don’t believe him, so he goes on.

“There’s nothing going on between the two of us,”

You look up at him, face unreadable.

“Hey, my lips are sealed,” you arch an eyebrow, tempting him. You want to hear him say it. You need to, “Just because I don’t have a partner doesn’t mean you can’t,”

“Seriously,” he defends himself, “It’s kinda like what you were saying,”

The two of you turn quiet as the statement settles in. Like what you were saying about Seung-joon. It’s unreciprocated. Hollow, in your case. Maybe the two of you were destined to fall in love with people who didn’t feel the same. It was comforting to know Seojun was going through the same thing you were. You hum at the thought.

“It’s different, though, no?” you wonder, “Jugyeong seems to like you enough,”

“Seung-joon seems to like you, too,” he counters.

“It’s just that—“ you chew on your cheek.

“It’s just that?” He bumps into your shoulder teasingly. Your opposite side rubbing against the wall.

You glance at him and sulk. You didn’t like the butterflies that started in your tummy. And you definitely didn’t want to keep talking about Seung-joon. But something about Seojun’s presence was so comforting, and maybe you hadn’t been imagining the jealousy behind his words. Maybe if you pushed him a little further, you could test the grounds, feel him out.

“I heard around that Seung-joon was going to ask me out,” you finally tell him.

It’s hard to decipher the look on Seojun’s face.

“Officially, I mean” You explain.

Guilt creeps up Seojun’s neck. He tries to move further away from you, but considering the narrow pathway, it doesn’t do much.

“But, you know, to be honest, I don’t think he actually wants to,” you admitted, “Which I know sounds stupid because he’s the one who approached me, but I don’t know—I,” you trail, “I’ve never felt at comfortable with him, I guess?”

Seojun looks over at you with sad eyes.

“It’s not stupid,” it comes out soft.

“You don’t have to pity me,” you scoff.

“I’m not,”

His tone is genuine. Everything about Seojun invited you in, eased your mind. The way his eyes turned soft and the way his lips would hang ever so slightly open. When his warm body would turn towards you and unconsciously lean your way. It was so contradictory to the way you and Seung-joon interacted. The very juxtaposition made both your head and heart spin.

Especially on that day where you had met up with Seung-joon after the snow. You explained to him that you had gotten lost on the way, but you could tell he knew it was a lie. That was your first mistake. Your second was thinking about Seojun for the remainder of your date. Quietly sitting, staring at the sky, wondering if Seojun had run after Jugyeong. Said date took notice of your distracted mind and ended the date early saying he had homework to do.

“He hasn’t even attempted a kiss,” you huff out, not realizing you were getting lost in thought. Seojun’s brows furrowed.

The two of you turn the corner, finally freeing yourselves from the narrow passageway. You can see tall, thin trees start to appear more frequently. Its pigmented leaves contrast it. The sidewalk is large now. Yet, the distance between you two is unchanging. You take uneven steps, purposely causing you to bump into Seojun. It gives you an excuse to keep brushing your arms.

“Seojun?” You ask him and he hums, “You’re a man, right?”

That was reassuring.

You notice the change in his stance and you take it as a sign that he’s offended.

“I mean—“

A soft ‘ne’ falls from his lips. You quickly look at the side of his face, hoping to catch his eyes, but they’ve focused straight ahead on the pathway. This was it.

“Would you kiss me?”

Seojun almost trips when you ask the question. He catches his feet but stops in his tracks. You stop next to him and he doesn’t know if he wishes you were closer or further from him.

“What?” He turns his body to face you and your eager eyes await him. Air stops reaching Seojun’s lungs.

You’ve walked further down the path now. The colors of fall compliment your skin. The white trunks speckled with brown line the wide sidewalk. Yellows and reds litter the floor. Leaves that crunch under your feet. The setting sun rests softly in the distance. Its warmth leaves you, but Seojun doesn’t feel the cold.

You stand with your hands clutching at your sides. They shiver in the cold air. They stubbornly refuse to grab the mittens inside of your backpack. Too impatient to bother, and not willing to cross your arms for warmth. Your eyes are unmoving. They still patiently as you wait for his answer.

Suddenly, Seojun wishes he could take your picture whilst you’re looking at him like this. With your shivering hands and restless thoughts. Eyes shining as they reflect the sun back to him. He knows, though, that he wouldn’t be capable of capturing your beauty.

It wouldn’t hurt to try.

“Would you have made a move by now?” Your stare is intimidating.

What was Seojun supposed to say? That he did want to kiss you? That he’s wanted to kiss you since your eyes first met? That his heart does backflips and his mind goes blank whenever you ask him questions like these? Because they do. And he does.

Seojun’s tongue clicks against his teeth and he forces his lungs to breathe once more.

“Are you asking me what I would do or what I would do if I was Seung-joon?”

You think for a second. The wind picks up.

“If you had watched the snow with me--”

“We did watch the snow together.” he doesn’t miss a beat and it makes you think again.

“I mean if you were Gu Seung-joon,” you miss the way his eyes squint in annoyance, “And we had planned to watch the snow together. Would you have kissed me when we finally met?”

The birch branches shift around you as a breeze blows through the air. Muted yellow leaves cascade from them and are blown into the sky. Nature scatters dead leaves on the dirt-covered sidewalk. They dance as the wind touches them, twirling as they hit the ground.

They remind you of the snow that day.

“Not if you didn’t want me to,” Seojun finally answers.

“Do you think it seemed that way?” You’re puzzled. Seojun bites on his cheek.

“From what you told me,” his eyes wander from yours, “didn’t it?” You’re silent, and Seojun doesn’t wait to see if you’ll speak, “What about you? Why haven’t you kissed him? What’s holding you back? I thought you liked him,”

You breathe. Your eyes don’t move from his. The leaves twist and turn around him. You wonder if he’s cold.

“I guess my heart was still holding out for someone else,”

The features on Seojun’s face soften. His eyebrows unfurrow and he realizes how tense he’s standing. Shoulders scrunched up anticipating your next words. Teeth grinding unconsciously, making a pang of pain start towards the back of his head. He has to make himself take in air.

His lips part to exhale and you watch as the cold air comes out of his pretty lips. Your eyes stay on them. You may do something stupid if he doesn’t close them soon. It’s only when the cold air wisps through the air again that they close. Your eyes hurry back to his.

His heart stutters. Wind blows his hair out of his face and he resists the urge to fix it. His forehead is on display and he hopes he isn’t blushing. Could you have been talking about him? He felt stupid as his blood pounded harder at your words.

“Then you should talk to Seung-joon,” he pulls his gaze away from yours and decides to keep walking.

You, however, don’t move. You watch as his feet lift off the floor, one after the other. Leaves parting to make way. The cold air makes a shiver run through your spine. It tickles the back of your neck and itches your scalp. You’re chewing on your bottom lip and you know you should stop. But when he finally notices you’re not following him and turns back, you bite harder. The wind is making his hair go everywhere now.

“What about you, then? If—“ you hesitate, “If there were no conditions?”

If things were different; if he wasn’t into Jugyeong, and you weren’t into Seung-joon. The leaves continue to float around him. Time slows as you wait for him to say something. Your entire focus is on him.

“Would you have kissed me?” The question is repeated, but it holds a different weight now.

“It doesn’t matter,”

Rejection is so much worse than you can ever imagine. You’re expecting it. He said it himself, you two should get along, as friends. No more than that. It’d be betraying Seung-joon, who had approached you at the bus stop. He had been patient with you when you were late to watch the snowfall. Understanding, even, when it comes to your hesitance. Seung-joon and you were meant to get to know each other and eventually date.

But something about the way Seojun’s name fit with yours made your heart skip a beat. When he’d stare at you like you were the most important person in the world. And speak to you with kindness you’ve never heard from him directed towards you. Having him say those words of denial had you breaking you out of delusion.

The perfect fantasy world where the only thing you ever had to think about was your happiness. Where you could watch the snowfall with whomever you wanted. And not stress about studying hard and getting good grades.

“If not for the conditions, we wouldn’t have been in the situation in the first place,” he swallows, “It’s pointless to wonder what could have been,”

He tells you what you think you want to hear. What he thinks is best. He knows that before that weekend under the snow, he most likely wouldn’t have given your existence a second thought. He’d think of you as just another singer in his sister’s club. An acquaintance. Another student living in the background of his life. An extra in the scenes that took place in front of his eyes.

You liked Seung-joon. He was the reason you were at the mall that day. He’s the man who you were supposed to fall in love with. Watch the snow with. You’re supposed to go to Seung-joon’s basketball games and he’s supposed to go to your choir concerts. Seojun had come in and ruined it for the both of you. Guilt ate his stomach for stealing the experience from you. What was worse, he kind of enjoyed the feeling he got whenever he was near you. A part of him wondered what it’d be like to like you, and have you like him back.

“Right,” You seemingly shrugged it off.

Your response was casual. It was the correct response. It was the only response you could’ve given to his harsh one. Seojun hadn’t expected anything else. So, why had it made him feel worse? Strings tugged at Seojun’s heart. He couldn’t help but feel selfish as he wished for more from you. He liked Jugyeong. No--he likes Jugyeong. He went to a baseball game for her with Suho. If that doesn’t speak volumes he doesn't know what will.

If that was the case, though, why had he been so eager to spend the afternoon with you? This was turning out to be one big, confusing mess and it was making Seojun’s chest ache. He thinks he might end up chasing it if it means he can see you more often.

You stand a few feet from him. Your hands are shaking, and you’re not sure if it’s from the cold or the nerves working their way through your body. Regardless, you smile softly at him. It’s a sad smile. Full of what-ifs and lingering what could have been’s. It’s accepting.

It catches him off guard, and it’s surprisingly contagious. Seojun would smile back if he wasn’t terrified.

In a split-second decision, Seojun decides to not let it overtake him. To be selfish for once in his life. This time, he is the one yanking terror by its neck. And, rather than letting it lurk over Seojun, he’s going to; force it under his feet, and ride it.

“Instead,” your smile falters as he keeps talking, ”you should ask me what kind of flowers I’ll bring to your next performance,”

The stretch of skin around your mouth morphs. The ends go straight and your bottom lip drops ever so lightly. All of your muscles freeze, and you don’t dare try to move. Seojun is starting to wonder if he’s made a mistake when you finally find your words.

“And what kind would that be?” you’re scared.

“Arbutus,” he doesn’t hesitate, “Pink,”

You blink. Arbutus. Arbutus. You rake your brain for any information you have on the flower and come up blank. You can hardly remember what they look like if you’re being honest. The confusion must show on your face because Seojun starts walking towards you.

His hands are in his pockets, and his eyes are on you. He doesn’t stop until his body is almost pressed right against yours. Mere inches are left. You can hear his clothes rustle. You breathe an all too audible breath and you can’t stop it from escaping your lips not too long after. The air turns white around it and it blows straight into Seojun. His adam apple bobs. He swallows in his already dry mouth. The cold air is no longer noticeable as your bodies are lending each other heat.

“What do those mean?” You can’t help it when your voice trembles.

You’re staring at one another. You’re standing so close. A voice in the back of your head thinks maybe you should take a step back. But your body is screaming at you to close the distance. You know already there’s too much at risk.

And yet the only thing you can concentrate on is Seojun’s proximity to you. The way his eyes are looking at you. The way he’s slowly bringing himself closer. The way the wind blows his hair back, his eyes narrowing. The way his head is moving towards yours. Turning to fit yours. The way you could press your lips to his if you simply tilt your head ever so slightly to the—

“I love only you,”

Seojun pauses. He’s motionless, still. His body occasionally brushes against yours. You’re borrowing the other’s air. Practically exchanging air into each other’s mouths. Stealing as much oxygen as you can from the other.

You realize that he’s waiting for you. He’s wanting to make sure you’re okay with this. Your heart flutters at the thought.

“We shouldn’t,” an obligatory statement that must be said.

“Hm?” his nose brushes yours. Your skin tickles at it.

“You like Jugyeong--”

“You like Seung-joon,” his breath makes shivers go down your spine.

You’re not sure if either of you are truthful.

“I--Can I kiss you?”

A nod, and a hum of conformation.

Your lips hold his. Immediately, the feeling is all-consuming. An overload of senses. You’re all too aware of how awkwardly your hands hang on your sides. His hands hover over yours. They reach out to kiss his palms to yours. You no longer worry about whether or not your nails are bare.

The wind picks up around you. It blows loose leaves on the floor, brushing your ankles. Scattering them across the floor. The setting sun shines brightly in the distance. The sky bleeds orange-pink hues. One color fading into the other.

Having Han Seojun for this chilly afternoon is all you’ll ever need if it means you can feel his lips pressed against yours for the remainder of it. It's awkward and a little bit clumsy, but all in all, the kiss only makes you want to learn how to better shape your lips to fit his. All the flips your stomach is doing don’t bother you anymore with the way his thumb traces patterns on your hand. Souls mending as your bodies melt into one.

You can taste the mashed potatoes he had for lunch on his tongue, and you wonder if he tastes the cherry soda you had. All while he can only focus on how well he can smell your perfume perfectly from where he stands, leaning against you. Only cementing the aroma in his mind.

At this moment, the two of you desperately need each other. Almost like finding a piece of yourself you never realized was missing. Your other half, an extension of yourself, flaws and all. There’s nothing the two of you can’t share with the opposite. You know you can’t come back from this kiss, you’ll regret it the moment you pull away. So, right now, you desperately need to stay like this, clammy hands clutching him tightly, rough teeth bumping together.

That’s why, when he finally pulls away, your head falls onto his chest. It rapidly rises and falls as he catches his breath.

“Don’t hang out with Seung-joon anymore,” He almost whispers,

You lift your head, face heating up at his swollen lips. Shock showing on your face, “What?”

What he wants to tell you is: “Watch the snow with me, nobody else. Because I can’t bear the thought of you standing under the snow with someone who isn’t me. Not with Seung-joon--not with anyone,”

But all he can do is swallow hard.

He likes you so much and it’s horrifying. Because Seojun doesn't think he’s ever felt this way for anyone--and so quickly, too. But he doesn’t want to scare you off. He’s missed his chance with Jugyeong, he knows that. You both mean a lot to him. Now, the question is, who means more? Does it matter when Jugyeong has moved on? Have you? Assuming you return his feelings. You must. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have exchanged spit with him, surely. All of this thinking is making Seojun’s head pound. But perhaps that’s just all the blood rushing to his face.

Seojun is willing to put his old feelings for Jugyeong aside for you. To be ready to love you, at full capacity. Isn’t that what love is? Being willing to put his heart on the line regardless of what the end result will be? Seojun isn’t sure he knows what love is. But he does know that when you stare at him his chest swells so badly it hurts.

“I can’t be friends with you,” his eyes won’t meet yours, “I can’t be just friends”

His hands start to pull away from yours, but you quickly grab them. You can feel the sweat of his palms.

“Seojun, I like you” You reassure him, and his eyes quickly come up. The golden-brown irises shine brightly as they reflect the setting sun, “But I’m not sure if I can be more than friends with you right now,”

Just as before, that sad smile returns to your face. Your eyes are soaked in melancholy. He nods in dejection. You speak slowly. As if you’re saying things aloud as they come to your mind.

“But if, after we’ve--,” broken up with other people, “--settled things amongst ourselves, if you’d like to give me flowers after a performance, I would gladly accept them. Or I can get you flowers, too! What was that shop you mentioned? I can find some pink flowers--arbutus,”

You’re rambling, but all Seojun can do is smile. Walking to the pharmacy will be no trouble now that he knows you’re willing to be his.

“I’d like that,”

----

epilogue

if u’ve made it this far ty for reading I appreciate u. i let my perfectionism get the best of me, but here it is! lmk what u thought, luv y’all.

tags:

@sftpjmn @dramasmarvel @marylimlp @shawkneecaps

#true beauty #true beauty fanfic #true beauty seojun #reader insert #seojun x reader #han seojun x reader #han seojun #seojun han #fanfiction #x reader #kdrama #kdrama fanfic #one shot #fanfic #my writing #imagine #hwang in yeop #han seo joon #hwang inyeop

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izzy-b-hands · 2 years ago

Text

Get your bittersweet, severely horny, and NSFW cjizzy here, with references to both ed/jack and jack/izzy being on again, off again in nature. Trans Izzy bc im love trans Izzy.

---

He can never just ask Izzy.

He can with anyone else. Even Ed! Hell, the two of them occasionally communicated wanting to fuck entirely via casual dick grabs (at their own and each other's.)

But Izzy breaks his brain, and he shouldn't like it and he doesn't like it, but he does.

"Hey," Jack slides up by Izzy along the back wall of the bar. "How goes it?"

Izzy glares at him. "What in the fuck sort of question is that?"

He panics. "I missed you."

Izzy's gaze softens a hint. "It's been awhile. Ed was enjoying his time-"

"I heard about how much he enjoyed his time away from his usual shores," Jack grins. "Is that story about him doing a shot off someone's-"

Izzy blushes bright red, and his eyes dart to the floor.

"No," Jack chuckles. "Off of your...Izzy!"

He slaps Izzy's arm. "You still got it; the stick up your ass can be temporarily removed!"

"Thank you for announcing it to everyone," Izzy says wryly. "Anything else I can help you with, or are you just here to catch up?"

It dawns on Jack that Izzy is On The Job right now, and he peeks out around the crowd.

Ed, sitting at a table with an older man, sharing his pipe.

He watches them lazily hand the long pipe back and forth, one of the man's hands hidden in the shadows under the table. However, it only takes one glance at Ed's face to know exactly where that hand is.

"Does he know where you are in here?" Jack asks.

"He does. We've got the usual signal if he wants out in a hurry," Izzy sighs. "You should see the tattoos that man has. I know that's what Ed likes on him, and I can't blame him. Intricate and everywhere, Jack, all interconnected and flowing, and-"

He pushes Izzy against the wall and shoves a leg between his thighs. He doesn't know if Ed is watching, but he hopes he is. Normally jealousy isn't his thing, but Ed's always been different for him.

That, and this is easier than doing what he had envisioned before:

Taking Izzy aside and out of the bar, admitting he wants something slow and soft and he really hates admitting that even though he knows there's no shame in it, but Izzy he doesn't trust anyone else for it except for Ed and Ed doesn't seem likely to say yes-

To wait to kiss him until his words trip over one another and he's nearly out of breath, gasping and begging Izzy to take him to any inn near him, he'll pay for it and anything else Izzy wants (even though he knows Izzy will never take him up on that extra offer.)

He can't say they'd actually make it to said room, because even thinking about it (and more than once jacking off to it) leaves him panting and needy and struggling not to come like it's his first make out session.

"Hang on, we can go somewhere else for this," Izzy says softly. "I've got to find Fang or Ivan or...god what was the name of the new one to replace...oh fuck, I don't remember their names anymore. They die so quickly now."

Jack drops his head into Izzy's shoulder and grinds as best he can against him. He'll have to play this off as being drunk to the other pirates here, even though he's stone cold sober. It's like Izzy heard his thoughts.

"Just go with me over to Ed," Jack says as he forces himself to lift his head. "And tell him something's come up."

"He'll be well aware of 'what's come up' if we walk over there together," Izzy says. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Maybe," Jack whimpers. "Can we fuckin' go already?"

He hangs back while Izzy goes to Ed's table and spins some tale about a scuffle going on outside that needs extra hands to break up (at least that's what Izzy said he'd tell Ed.) His heart is pounding out of his chest, and he can feel everyone's eyes scanning then stopping squarely on his now impossible to hide hard on.

This, he thinks, is what emotions get you. Trying not to come in your pants in a bar, waiting for your on again off again frenemy with benefits to finish lying to his boss/your on again off again friend with benefits. No wonder so many songs about love end in heartbreak.

"We'll sneak out the kitchen," Izzy takes Jack's hand and leads him into the back hall of the bar. "Ed's fine here with his new friend, and Fang is actually on a date himself the next table over, so they're just having a group date now."

"In other words they're deciding which of their two rooms all four of them are going back to later?"

Izzy nods.

"Where were you thinking for us?" Jack asks, resisting the urge to squeeze Izzy's hand as they reach the back door of the bar.

"Behind here, some alley, or we can get a room," Izzy shrugs, and loosens his hand in Jack's grip.

Jack doesn't let go.

Izzy sighs and tries to turn back around to him. "Oh god, Jack..."

"I don't like it anymore than you do!" Jack hisses as he drops Izzy's hand. He doesn't mean it. "Do you know what I did the first month y'all were late getting back around here? I cried! Thinking about Ed, but mostly-"

His words freeze in his throat.

There's confusion on Izzy's face, but it's quickly replaced by...

Fuck. Tears.

There's an apology on his tongue when Izzy pulls him in for a kiss and wraps it in his tongue instead.

"Room?" Jack asks hesitantly when they finally come up for air.

"Room."

"Has anyone ever told you your tits are gorgeous?"

"Yeah," Izzy smirks as he tosses his underwear to join Jack's on the floor. "You, many times."

"Well, let me remind you anyway," Jack says and palms Izzy's tits as Izzy straddles his lap. "Fuck, I missed you."

Izzy's eyes flutter shut. "Say that again."

"I missed you," Jack sits up and holds Izzy in his lap, arms around him and head bent to kiss his collarbone. "I hated every second of it. Thinking about you, or Ed, or both of you, fuck-"

One of Izzy's hands rests at the back of his neck, occasionally grasping at the hair there, and there's the sting of nails being dug into skin at the mention of them both.

"But so often it came back to you, and no one does that to me," Jack continues. "Other than Ed, but that works out for all of us, really."

Izzy grinds down on him hard, then takes Jack's face in his hands. "I...There's something I want to say so badly, but I think this might be over quickly if I do."

"It's gonna be over quick anyway," Jack admits. He's been able to feel his heartbeat in his cock since their kiss in the bar. "But I'm up to chill in here together until we're ready to go again. And maybe once more after that."

"How young do you think we are?" Izzy jokes. "But I think that works. We have the room for the night anyway."

He thinks of anything but how it feels as Izzy lifts up enough then immediately sinks down on his cock. Wet enough for him to slip in without anything else, at least for now, and just as it had been when they'd first fucked as twenty-one things both trying to make Ed jealous.

"You gonna let me in on the secret of what you were burning to say?" Jack asks as he holds Izzy's hips, helping him grind and ride.

Izzy smiles and kisses him, entirely too sweetly for a man that knows how to nearly gut someone with as few as three strokes of his sword.

"Come in me."

He can admit that there are times he's a better follower than a leader, and this is one of them as he shudders and obeys.

"Good to stay in for a minute?" Izzy asks as he gently rocks on Jack's cock.

"I'll stay in as long as I can," Jack pants. "We can just keep fucking then. Plus I really don't want to be anywhere else right now."

Izzy moans and whimpers and clenches around his cock, and he sees stars.

"You aren't allowed to go away for that long ever again," Jack sighs. "I can't go that long without you. I know it's sappy as fuck and I ha-"

"Do you hate it?" Izzy asks, pressing soft kisses all over his face.

"Do you?"

Izzy pauses. "Fucker."

"I certainly am, and I intend to continue to be."

He tries to flip them over without slipping out of Izzy, and celebrates it by burying himself balls deep as soon as Izzy's settled on the bed.

"They said the room would be available for another few nights," Izzy murmurs against his neck, legs wrapped around Jack's waist. "If we find we need more time to make up for the last few months."

"Soon as I can bear to be out of you," Jack replies. "Then I'll go down to the desk and pay to extend it. And if that isn't enough, then I'm coming with y'all for a bit. Ed can deal with hearing us fuck."

"Fuck," Izzy whispers. "Jack-"

"I know, I know, give me another moment or two."

He's just hard enough again to start thrusting, and he can't focus on anything other than that and leaving hickeys all over every inch of Izzy's skin.

He wonders what Izzy would think if he just came with, if Ed does want to be away for a longer time again.

But that's one emotion too much for one night.

#text post #long post #this was....idk what happened i blacked out thinking abt cjizzy and now this exists #im happy with it tho i must say #now im gonna lay down for a minute and just. yeah. breathe akdnkfngnt

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youngbeezer · 4 years ago

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kissing in the rain with alex turcotte

Referenced Post

Prompt -- 1. Kissing in the rain (w Alex Turcotte)

A/N: Here's another blurb from the 14 oddly romantic things blurb set. This one was very fun to write!

Thanks for requesting this, hope you like it :)

Word Count: 977

Warning(s): A curse word maybe I forget, but other than that just super fluffy!

“I have been in Los freaking Angeles for three days, and you have not taken me to the beach once. What’s that all about?” I pointed out to my best friend.

If you couldn’t tell by now, I am currently visiting my best friend Alex in LA this week. We are just your typical best friends who grew next door to each other and literally did everything together. Oh yeah, and I may or may not be in love with him…

I think I realized I was in love with him when he left to go play hockey at the NTDP in Michigan. We went from literally doing everything together, to only being able to communicate through a screen. We still got to see each other in the summers and I did visit once or twice, but it was always bittersweet knowing that I got to see him in person just to then see him leave all over again. It was also hard to not just blurt out how I feel about him every time I saw him in person. That is now my current predicament during this trip. I think I have almost blurted out ‘I love you’ to him like twenty times, and I’ve only been here three days.

I’m snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of Alex chuckling.

“You hate the beach.” He chimed in.

“I hate the sand. And, besides.. I feel like California sand is so much better.” I expressed back.

He sarcastically rolled his eyes at me and replied back, “Alright. Well let’s go now, I think it might rain later.”

“Does it even rain in LA?”

“Oh my god let’s go.”

….

“I felt a raindrop”

I reach over to Alex’s towel and lightly smack him on the arm. “Shut up, no you didn’t”

He gives me a little pout and whines out, “Okay well I’m bored,” drawing out the ‘r’ for more effect.

“We’ve been here for like 15 minutes. I haven’t even gotten through one chapter of my book yet!” I replied incredulously. I decide to flip over onto my stomach to get into a better position to read my book in. Noticing Alex’s silence, I look back over to him to find him already with his eyes on me. I immediately start to blush under his gaze before stammering out,

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

It’s like he snaps out of a trance at my words. He clears his throat before asking, “Can we at least go in the water?” Completely ignoring my question.

“No I wanna at least finish this chap-”

I abruptly stop my sentence when I see Alex jump up and make his way towards me.

“No! No stop, I swear to God Alex.” I warn.

My pleas do nothing to slow him down because next thing I know I’m being thrown over his shoulder.

“Put me down Lex.” I whine.

“Sorry, not gonna happen babe.” I try to ignore the tingly feeling that shoots through my whole body at the nickname he used. Once again I’m taken out of my jumbled thoughts when I feel a drop of wetness hit the back of my thigh. I look up to notice that we are still nowhere near the ocean yet.

“Wait! Wait, wait. I think I felt a raindrop.”

He halts his movements at my words and looks up at the sky. He slowly sets me back onto the ground while mumbling out, “Yeah, I don’t think those dark clouds were there earlier.”

Next thing I knew it was absolutely down pouring.

I let out a little shriek at the unexpected raindrops that first hit my skin. I look up to find Alex smiling at me and I let out a little chuckle.

“Told you.” He gloated, screaming a little to be heard over the loud pouring rain.

I let out another chuckle. I throw my arms up and look up into the sky letting the rain droplets cascade down my face. A smile overtakes my face as the rain cools my body on this warm day. I slowly start spinning around, taking in all my surroundings. I notice the elderly couple who were sitting a few feet away from us huddled under an umbrella (old people are always so prepared); the group of teenagers sprinting into the streets trying to find shelter; and families with children who are running around splashing and having a blast in the rain.

I spin all the way back around to face Alex with a huge grin still overtaking my face. I go to say something but am cut off as Alex blurts out,

“I love you.”

I freeze.

“I love you.” He says much more softly now, making his way over to me. “God, I’ve loved you since we were like fourteen years old. I didn’t want to scare you away or ruin this friendship-- because meeting you has been one of the best things that has happened to me-- but I just can’t hold onto it anymore. I had to let you know how I feel--”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

Guess he didn’t need to be told twice because the next second Alex is crashing his lips onto mine. They work in perfect synchrony like we were molded for each other.

I’ve pictured this exact moment happening dozens of times, but nothing would have prepared me for the feeling it gave me. Knowing that Alex had the same feelings for me this entire time was definitely bittersweet, but at that moment I could care less and I savored every second our lips moved as one.

It’s like we were lost in a bubble of time and space, completely forgetting about the heavy waterfalls.

Moving my hands to his neck, I reluctantly break our lips apart and breathed out,

“I love you too.”

Tagging a few people so this doesn't flop :)

@luukasreichel @prettyboyjackhughes @kentjohnsons @lovereadinghockeyy @matbarzys @2manytabsopen @only-goalies-allowed @jamiesdrysdales @turcsandzegras @hoeforaho @jordiee95 @joelsfarabeee

(Lmk if anyone would be interested in joining a taglist!!)

#alex turcotte #alex turcotte blurb #alex turcotte imagine #nhl hockey #nhl imagine #nhl blurb #hockey imagine #hockey blurb #hockey prompts #writing prompts #my writing #la kings #ontario reign #hope you liked it :)#14 oddly romantic things blurb set

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razorblade180 · 4 years ago

Text

Interdimensional Moms pt4

Part 3 here! <-

The tales had be interesting. The tales had even been emotionally gripping, yet all of them so far didn’t seem to register at the moment as Ruby’s teammates looked at her with the same excitement she used to give her own mother during story time. Ruby couldn’t help but give a little smile.

Ruby:I take it you’re ready for my turn? You do know it’s not exactly a sunshine and rainbows story, right?

Weiss:We figured as much, but....

Yang:You’re so different! From the moment you showed up I could just feel it in my gut. You have this...presence about you. Not to mention intsene confidence.

Blake:Yang is right. You said you beat your Salem when your seventeen. That’s...scary if I’m being honest. Such a drastic departure from any of our worlds.

Ruby:*red* Hehehe ummm I guess I’m just awesome? Really I don’t think it’s the most outstanding feat. At least by my worlds standards I suppose. I mean sure, I’m consider cream of the crop there too but there’s talented people and challenges all over that would put me through my paces still. I’m just...me.

Weiss:Sigh...honestly, I suppose that means our own skills must pale in comparison to our counterparts.

Ruby:Mmmm I wouldn’t say that for sure. My Yang would kill me if she heard this but there’s something about the one right here that has spark I dig.

Yang:Really?

Ruby:Uh huh. Can’t put my finger on it but I think you take her if you want it bad enough. As for Weiss....couldn’t tell ya. Haha, I know better than anybody to not underestimate the power of mother, and you pumped twins out.

Weiss:Not sure if those are pity points or real ones but thanks either way.

Blake:You don’t even have to tell me I’d lose. Just gave an entire story about me an my condition.

Ruby:Don’t feel too bad about it. I can’t imagine much reason for you two to fight for any reason. You’re both too reasonable to not reason with yourself.

Blake:Aw I’m touched.

Yang and Weiss:We aren’t....

Ruby:Hahaha I’m just saying! So, I guess I take things from the top like you all? From what I learned from all of you our Beacon experiences really are more or less the same, not counting certain interactions between a bookworm faunus and an adorkable blonde knight. Enrolled early, blew up the entrance, Weiss was rude, Yang ditched me, all the same beats.

Yang:There’s no super badass change like you beating Cinder the night of dance and making our entire lives easier?

Ruby:Ha! I wish I was that legit. No, I was very much the young girl tripping in heels that night. Vytal festival came around and was attacked, then Beacon fell. Pyrrha was lost and so was Penny. Difference being that was my last time seeing her, unlike Weiss’s story apparently.

Weiss:Yeah that...that’s a little bit of shock to be frank. Sorry.

Ruby:No worries. Not like you did anything and it was decades ago for me now. After that day is when I started to get a bit more serious I think. I had always taken being a huntress seriously and never slacked of in trying to live my dream. However, my perspective may have honed in on just how do or die life his when you’re the one choosing to walk into unknown danger. Team RNJR’s first and only mission, save the world!

Yang:Sub mission: Flirt with Jaune Arc.

Ruby:*blushing* We do not choose who we fall in love with it. But yes, that may have been a personal pseudo mission for me. He’s my first friend at Beacon for crying out loud and I you know.....thought he was cute then too.

WBY:Yeah that checks out.

Ruby:What does that mean!?

Weiss:Ruby, even my Ruby admits to finding Jaune attractive and having a crush on him back in the day.

Blake:Same.

Yang:I already went into enough detail on how my little sister feels about Jaune. Your just the reality where you pounced on the opportunity and never let go. Struck when the iron was hot and none of us were around; sly fox.

Ruby:Gee you make it sound underhanded. It isn’t like I intended to actively pursue him. Everyone was really sad and stressed traveling to Anima. There was a tension in the air. One that really strained us. I did my best to keep focus, but a leader is only as put together as team. Ren and Nora confided one another as usual and I tried being there for Jaune because seeing him emotionally shut down was rough; so I did my best to be there for him. Then...he ended up being there for me and I was the one who needed comfort. All the airing out and late nights just...led to....*red*

Blake: “Breaking the tension?”

Ruby:I guess that’s one way of putting it. We were lonely. I hid my feelings best I could under the veil of comfort in the moment. Not that needed to. He made it pretty clear that he wanted me in the same way I wanted him. I just the two of us were too scared to ask for promises we weren’t sure we could keep so we loved in the moments we could, so to speak.

Weiss:If it wasn’t under dire situations, all that sounds oddly romantic.

Ruby:Right!? Looking back at it makes the entire thing seem romantic but I definitely wouldn’t wish a similar experience on anybody! I guess it’s what I wished for when I fantasized huntress life huh? Things obviously got better along the way. Our relationship got a bit more serious right before we got to Haven. Then Tyrian and other crazy stuff happened that threw all of us into panic mode again before slowly getting better again by a lot.

Yang:We showed up?

Ruby:Bingo! You and Weiss, met Oscar, and then eventually Blake came back. Things were on the up and up.

Weiss:Uh, Haven attack?

Ruby:We lived, up and up. Yeah you got stabbed but you know...that’s not new I’m sure.

Weiss:Yeah I have the scar and I’m still little pissed.

Ruby:Valid. Anyways, so my Atlas experience was different as hell. There was no formation of Remnants armies like Weiss spoke of or even between two kingdoms like Blake. Yang, what happened yours again exactly?

Yang:Nonsense. Cinder showed up with lackeies but not Salem’s lackies. Those people showed up separately, then Adam came back from wherever the hell he- a lot! A lot of people showed up for different reasons but also the same reason and to be frank, we all almost got shot by the military for being in bases that quote unquote, “didn’t exist.”

Ruby:Man I wish we traded. That at least sounds crazy enough to be fun. Just a rollercoaster in the dark basically. My experience was probably as hectic, but also way more streamlined. We showed up, and then all hell broke loose. Specially a mass grimm invasion lead by Cinder and her annoying associates. We were there for about three weeks updating General Ironwood and getting our barrings together when it happened. I wanna call it a hit and run tactic but it was clearly planned in advanced. Mechs were hacked again, traitors in the military, grimm lying in wait before hand; it was chaos! All for the relic.

Blake:Who was the maiden?

Ruby:Never met her. By the time we got there, Ironwood was panicking because she had vanished, taken right from under his nose. It was some young girl apparently, really young. The attack on Beacon looked like child’s play to this. Mantle got attacked, grimm were on the chains, they tried dropping Atlas to the ground; all a diversion for a relic. We all should’ve died, and yet, we didn’t. Winter and Weiss weeded out traitors, huntsman and military held the line, Yang bested Hazel with Nora, Qrow and I cut down Tyrian! Ren, Blake and Jaune helped the kingdoms while Ironwood struck down Watts. Nobody was in the mood to die that day. There wasn’t gonna be another Beacon. By all means, we were pissed. Even Raven showed up of all people.

Yang:What!?

Ruby:You can’t attack a kingdom without the world knowing. Especially when traitors leak info. Honestly she came for you though, or she never left to begin with. Couldn’t tell ya. Thanks to Maria I had a bit more handling with my eyes. That helped a lot. Without them and Os-

She stopped herself, choking on the words. The zest and excitement of recalling the heroic feats of her friends dimmed slightly with her smile. Her joyful smile became bittersweet like the memory.

Ruby:Then there was Oscar, the real warrior on that flamed filled night. That battle had to have been three days at least. We were so driven, and so tired. I was tired, but Cinder, Neo, and the others with her at the time weren’t; always showing up at the worst time. I managed to push Cinder back in a fight but grimm and others still swarmed. We were at a point that grimm very well might’ve did us in and the villains didn’t have to push any harder. But Oscar changed that. Hehe, what’s it about country folk that makes people like him and I not hesitate to grit our teeth? That dork looked at me, gave me the biggest smile on the the steps to Atlas, and then he left. His hair went white as he twirled the cane and then he left, forever. Oz came out, and he left nothing to the imagination. “Limited magic” my butt. He obliterated grimm and made a barrier aroma Atlas while everyone else cleared Mantle long enough for the world to send reinforcements. Salem didn’t get the relic, but she got the maiden and thousands of casualties. Oscar being one of them. Also, Whitley....he was in critical condition for a very long time.

Weiss:What do you mean...critical condition?

Ruby:Everything happened so fast Weiss. Panic was high, buildings fell....a piece on him. I wasn’t there but when I eventually found you, you were nearly hysterical and banged up. By some miracle he lived even though we could not reach him and he did not get aid for awhile. We thought him dead. It was only after everything we learned somebody got him. Being rich never paid off more than with medical bills. Thanks to youth and medicine he can still walk, but he can only do so much before being tired. He also left Atlas. The cold hurts.

Weiss:So, I run the company because he can’t?

Ruby:I wouldn’t put it that way, but it was one of dozens of reasons that made that goal stronger for you. Relax though, both of you get plenty of time to be witty siblings like I told you earlier.

Weiss:I know. It’s just, I guess it’s hard imagining Whitley hurt like that. I don’t think I could handle it.

Ruby:You definitely teetered in the moment. Knowing that happened though probably gave you anger and grit to fight the entire battle. You were a beast. Scarier than Winter. Anyways, that hollow victory was a real wake up call for the world. They didn’t know about Salem and we never told society in earnest. Cinder and other conspirators were enough to make Remnant work together to boost defense. Relief went to places that needed it and I, became the face of hope. Haven, Argus, Atlas, even people from Vale got to chattering of a particular group of people who always seemed to answer the call for help. Then the towns in between chattered. Yours truly had been carving a name in the history books and was only gain popularity the moment I stepped into Vacou, alone.

Blake:Alone!?

Weiss:What!?

Yang:Where were we!!!!!?

Ruby looked at surprised faces around the table, smiling tenderly. She looked down her dress and pulled out the cross she wore around her neck. Her thumb traced its edges as her mind began wandering down an old path paved with emotions raw to the core.

Ruby:I’ve always felt different. Not just because of my eyes but that there was just...a certain spark that never stopped going off for as long as I remember. There are plenty of people who can’t bare to watch others suffer, but there are fewer people I believe that truly feel the agony of other people’s pain. Beacon, Haven, Atlas, Argus; there was no place I went that I didn’t see the faces of others lamenting, and I didn’t make me want to grieve. Atlas took so much out of all of you and I just felt so....driven to stop that ache. For everyone’s sake, but mine as well. I wanted the world to finally get to the happy ending. Enough trauma had be sowed for a hundred lifetimes, so I went on ahead of everyone. I never doubted you all would follow but I wanted to get ahead of the curve and take on as much of the suffering I could do others wouldn’t. If the world wouldn’t give me a miracle than I’d be it myself for everyone else.

Yang:That’s suicidal! Salem wanted you specifically!

Ruby:It’s not like I went marching up to her door and said “1v1 bitch, I’m here” no, I just chose to move forward quicker than what we were all doing. Believe me, all of you were upset when you caught up, after I had already saved Vacou. *smiles* I really like that place. I told the people it was the next target and all they did was double down on pushing back. I managed to pin down the Summer maiden before the villains and thanks with the city on alert, there wasn’t a shift in the sand that didn’t go unnoticed. I got the jump on Mercury and Emerald, personally paying them back. Can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. It didn’t take long before they realized how screwed they were with them being outed like this and Cinder having the nerve to retreat before hand. Both of them threw in the total, outing the plan against Vacou. A wipeout of a win. Not to mention they told me the location Salem’s little hiding hole.

Weiss:We missed all of that?

Ruby:That’s what happens when I leave in the dead of night and running on adrenaline. Like I said before, people were tired. As much as all of you wanted to hoof it, other’s were relying on you. Atlas almost dropped for gods sake. Eventually when you all caught up it was at a good time. Soloing was rewarding but difficult. Fortunately Sun, Neptune, Ilia, and a few other familiar faces were close by if I needed an extra set of hands. My little stunt earned the anger of everyone for awhile.

WBY:Yeah no shit...the leader left.

Ruby:Yang was the most upset, followed by Uncle Qrow, and you Weiss. I was ready for the blowback. Jaune and Nora saw me though and bursted into tears. Hehe, wasn’t ready for that. Felt terrible and cried back. To prevent that stunt again, my Yang convinced Raven to link me. A couple days of apologizing and rest smoothed things over. It also gave time for just a few close friends and colleagues to get together for an assault on Salem’s castle. A few were apprehensive about it at first but at the end of the day I was going. That attitude was infectious apparently. You guys, actually everybody, they started getting this hunger to end it all. Maybe it was the high of victory? Regardless, it sent me racing to the end with those that I loved most.

Yang:You’re a real “my way or the highway” kind of Ruby. I don’t get how that explains what made you so...elite.

Ruby:I’m not sure what to say. A fight needed to to fought so I fought it. A cry for help was heard so I ran to it. A grimm needed slaying so I slayed it. People needed me to win so I didn’t dare think of losing. Dying was never option, even when it stared me right into my eyes. I had things I wanted to do and people I wanted see for years to come. I guess...I am strong because of the fact I want things my way. A moment I’m not giving it 110% is a moment wasted. After all, a huntress is all I ever wanted to be.

A single dream she wanted since birth. The never ending desire to be the hero in stories told to her many nights ago. That’s all it ever was. That’s all it’s ever been. Even in meadow of beautiful red roses, one would be the rose that captured the eyes of many, that bloomed stronger than the rest. As simple as it was, that had to be the answer here. Weiss, Yang, and Blake were in front of that flower. The Ruby Rose that simply bloomed stronger than the rest. The one that clung to her dream as if letting go meant dying itself. The devotion was inspiring, yet also overwhelming. If this was Ruby they had lead them that day in the Emerald Forest, could they have kept up? Could she be the leader they followed? No, they couldn’t have. Something deep down inside them gave them that answer. No matter how she looked and how much she loved, this Ruby Rose was cut from a cloth they simply weren’t off. The same as others, but oh so different.

Weiss:You’re....kinda a monster, you know that right?

Yang:Seriously, I’m so...floored. It’s intimidating.

Blake:Not to mention humbling. I used to think I gave it all I had. Now I’m not so sure.

Ruby:Oh don’t be like that you three! You’re all living proof there was more than way to go about life, this war! Everything you gave was enough because you’re done with it! Nobody failed. Besides, I...am far from ideal. The assault was challenging. Getting around hoards of grimm and making it to Salem was hell made real. Neo tried taking another shot at me but Yang held her off with help. Everyone pushed the obstacles in front of me out of the way as I went to Salem herself. Cinder had been abandoned by her and stripped of a lot of her powers. Angry and desperate, she tried killing me again as a way to prove worth. I beat her. However, I let her walk away.

Yang:What!? Why would-

Ruby:Naive, I was...naive okay? She was all spent and though I hated her, I just couldn’t. Not when I looked into her eyes and saw that same hunger I had to claw and scream at my dream until it was in my hands die inside her. We both knew from this point on there was absolutely nothing she could do where this ends her way. All she worked for turned burned to ash. So I gave her the choice to not burn up with it. Cinder swallow her pride and then fled. A part of me couldn’t help but rationalize killing her didn’t solve or justify any of my beliefs or desires. It would’ve done it because I hated her like she hated me. That was the dumb logic of a seventeen year old who never quite learned to take things slow.

Blake:....I don’t think it’s dumb. Naive for sure, but maybe that’s good? Even my Ruby, she never wanted to act on hate. She didn’t. Salem lives.

Weiss:Mine sent her soul to be at piece instead of passing a cruel judgment.

Yang:As a person who’s seen what you looked like with nothing but vengeance inside, I can say it doesn’t fit you. Before that day you had a warmth inside you to even foes that were somewhat admirable. You chose to leave Cinder’s fate up to those who had that hate and Salem was undone by her own doing at the very end. That’s what really makes you special Ruby. That’s why you’re called an honest soul. Good will is your nature.

Ruby:....Hmm, you sure know how to butter me up. *scratches head* I guess that part of me is uni-I mean multiversal. Strangely, that makes me feel better, to a degree.

Weiss:Do we even have to ask what happened to Salem at this point? I doubt the story ends with you loosing and having to retreat.

Ruby:Who’s to say it doesn’t? I could’ve been beaten to death before the gods themselves descended down to revive me with awesome power.

Yang:....Did you?

Ruby:Wh-No! Haha, I made her an immortal statue.

Blake:I-It was that easy?

Ruby:Well I wouldn’t call rushing into hell’s castle easy, or Salem. I lit her up at least a dozen times. My head pounded from each use, I was tossed around a bunch, magic is annoying, and not to mention running out of ammo. I left nothing to the imagination in that fight. If it were easy then I wouldn’t be rooting my horn and my age doing it. I was so tired I blacked out afterwards. I woke days later with a sore body and the title of “Remnant’s Savior.” Apparently beating Salem had weakened the grimm everywhere and all of you made sure who was to be thanked for it. That’s the tale of how I saved the world with my friends. Love, trust, elbow grease, and a lot of bullets. Before the final battle, Ozpin had struck a deal with everyone involved. In return for saving the world, he’d cut ties with us.

Yang:Seriously? What brought that about!?

Ruby:Good or not, he lied and was a schemer. Sure I was gonna try to save the world regardless of his interference but there wasn’t a person alive that didn’t to finally take a step towards the future after all this. All of us finally had time chase dreams and help the world the way we wanted to before all of this. Blake begin mending hate, Weiss took back her company, if Yang wasn’t with Blake then she was seeking more answers to Raven on wild adventures.

Yang:You mean Raven still left after all that!?

Ruby:In her defense, both of you made everything fucking awkward when she was around. It’s like you both wanted to talk about something but knew any subject was a land mine so you all you ever did was...stare, like weirdos. Glad that’s in the past. She just lives with dad now and you two now to hold a conversation. I dare not ask for more. I’d be a granny by the time I did.

Yang:Sigh...I don’t know what I expected. Shit it the fan several times and children were born before mom and I found solidarity and understanding. What did you do afterwards? Your goal was already met.

Ruby:Like hell it was! I started busting my butt traveling around the world, visiting every place to help in anyways I could. Ren and Nora tagged along for awhile before going off to make an orphanage in Anima near Ren’s old village. That left Jaune and I to do our hero thing.

Yang:As well as other things....

Ruby:Hey, what can I say? We were young and going up in the world. By the time I was nineteen, I was now a married to my partner and best friend.

Weiss:Uhhhh-

Ruby:He’s my partner on RNJR and you’re my BFF, gosh did I really need to explain that hehe?

Weiss:I just had to make sure. Crazier twists could happen.

Blake:Wow you married young. Not that there’s a problem but I’m surprised. Then again you also dated earlier than my Ruby. Hehe, weapons were on her brain for a long time.

Weiss:No kidding. When I learned about you crushing on my brother I was shocked to find out you liked anybody in general. Especially a person who isn’t a weapon nut in the slightest.

Ruby:*shrugs* All you’re telling me is I’m clearly the most impatient or impulsive Ruby you all know. Don’t know how that happened. Maybe I was dropped as a baby or had one too many coffees growing up?

Weiss:I’m willing to bet it’s both.

Ruby:Ruuuuude. So yeah, that’s...the story of how I saved the world and married Jaune. We even built a home just outside Vacou, overlooking the kingdom and neighboring town in the distance where Maria grew up. Yeah, that’s me....more or less. All the triumphant parts anyways. Anything later on is......

.......

Blake:R...Ruby? You okay?

Ruby:Nope, not really. *clenches cross*

Yang:......You know, I never really got religion, especially after learning the truth. It just seemed completely hollow when you learn of the real gods, ya know? However, I changed my tune a bit after being a parent and then some more when uncle Qrow died. It was never really about the truth behind if those other gods were real-

Ruby:It’s the piece of mind in believing in a better place for loved ones and having people watch over you. It’s truly based on blind faith in every sense but that’s okay as long as it gives peace of mind, to stay strong. Yeah....that’s why I wear this.

Yang:If that’s the “why” then I guess the unavoidable question is what happened?

The reaper leaned back in his chair, letting out a long sigh. Ruby brushed her hair out of her face while her face went pale. Then, Ruby’s eyes, her teammates watched a pair of stunning silver eyes dim, becoming akin to a clouded mirror.

Ruby:Being a huntress was all I wanted. The plan of having a family and settling down never appealed to me much. I feel, I felt like being in the field was where I was meant to be. It’s where I was most myself in a way. So the day I learned that I was pregnant was more than a little upsetting and terrifying, until dad and time itself filled me with the most genuine joy I may have ever experienced. Dustin Arc Rose, my first born son. He opened a door to a world and life I never knew I wanted to be apart of. Then...that door was shut minutes after, when Cinder and Neo stole him right from my arms. I couldn’t do a single thing about it other than blackout. That single act of good will I showed, it did nothing but kill me inside. The same way I did to her.

WB:.....

Yang:Ru-Ruby....your eyes.

Ruby:Hmm? Are they clouded? Funny, I would’ve thought your Ruby would’ve had a similar change. Maybe that’s a world exclusive thing, or a testament to the will you Ruby has to endure. Clouded eyes on a silver eyed warrior means the person has lost the desire or rather the mindset of persevering life. Be it their own life or wanting to end another’s life out of resentment, strife. My entire world fell apart when I woke up and learned nobody was able to retrieve Dustin. I was in pieces, Jaune was broken, nobody was the same. There wasn’t a soul we didn’t know that hadn’t tried to find a lead, but we never did. He was just...gone; and I couldn’t cope at all.

Weiss:I don’t think any mother could. Ruby, I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Ruby:I’m sorry too. I lashed out in anger, and shut people out. My eyes clouded and I dove into my work for a little over a year doing nothing but searching aimlessly as I took and every job back to back. The more time went by meant the more people eventually had to go back to their own, and it drove me up a wall inside. No one could reach me. I didn’t want anybody to. Not even Jaune. I....*teary eyed* I left him alone in house. There was no part of me that could even attempt to understand his pain because I was drowning in mine. I was told he tried his best to catch them at the hospital. I never hated him for not succeeding but I...he... I just, I can’t. I don’t know what I thought. All o knew was I didn’t even want him to touch me. How cruel is that? *hugging herself* I made him drown in despair in the same way I was. I wasn’t home so often that I never realized he eventually left it abandoned to live with dad. Yang and Blake I didn’t even show up to your wedding. Jaune did that much. Hell, Raven attended. Ruby Rose as a person didn’t exist any more. I was only a wandering huntress looking for answers or the challenge that might’ve ended me.

Blake:What changed?

Ruby:Oz, he did what nobody else dared to do. He fought me. I don’t think he thought twice about it. He was prepared to accept all the anger I kept inside until I eventually broke down into tears like I’m trying not to do right now. Thinking about that time is still, extremely difficult. Oz let me lament, encouraging me afterwards to finally except the fact Dustin was gone and that I needed to process it properly. First I went to you Yang, in order to have a my big sis to lean on. Can you guess how that went?

Yang:With me holding you tighter than I ever had before.

Ruby:*smiles gently* I don’t deserve you. You and Blake then came to patch with me where everyone else waited for me and helped me face Jaune. That may have been the hardest thing I’ve done. Grieving or not, the fact that I left him in such a state. I know what that does to people firsthand and yet I left. For the first time in over a year we embraced and finally grieved together. The next two years were spent trying to heal and cope. During my time away the world had fully acknowledged me. I even got a proper nickname, but it all felt hollow. Imagine that, achieving your dream but not caring? If that’s not salt in a wound then I don’t know what is.

Weiss:What’s your title?

Ruby:I am the person people want to see when evil comes to cut their story short. I am a symbol that their tale still has more to tell. Remnant has named me The Storyteller. Curtsey of Maria, who spread the name around. Healing was slow and most nights I felt a pain in my heart, but then everything changed. One moment made me dare to try again to open that shut door in my life. *looks at Yang* I held your son in my arms. Sweet little Kovu.

Blake:*smiles* Kovu? Now I wonder who named him?

Yang:*red* Huh...how about that? Hehehe, wish I could meet him. I know he isn’t technically mine but I can’t help but feel all warm now. Also I can’t believe I named him that!

Weiss:I can. Veronica’s middle name is Nala.

Yang:Okay, maybe not marrying Blake was a win? Clearly I can’t be trusted to not name my children after other cats.

Blake:The wrong kind of cat too. I’m a panther faunus, not a lion. Even if they’re blonde that’s still false advertising of what they are.

Ruby:Well Yang was the one giving birth so you lost a majority of the option to complain.

Blake:That is fair.

Weiss:You gave birth to Vee, so I think that solves who picked her first name.

Ruby rested her head in her propped up hands that rested on the table. She felt exhausted reliving that chapter of her life mentally. Still she managed to smile, then smile bigger. Her eyes unclouded and a warm feeling filling her again. What Ruby said earlier about what made her different may have reign true, but her friends could since that there was now more to it. Ruby had spiraled into an unimaginable tragedy, yet was able to bounce back thanks to loved ones. To smile as she does, it was truly a strong sight to see. Even if she wasn’t fully aware of that.

Ruby:Carmine Arc Rose, my second born and the first child to call me mommy. Followed many years later by itty bitty Garnet. He’s my little man, five years old while is big sis is seventeen now.

Yang:Damn! That’s a gap. Oh, also congratulations. Almost forgot that part. I’m glad you got to be the super awesome mom that-

Ruby:I am easily C-teir.

Yang:Oh come on! What!?

Ruby:Listen, I know I got on you all for calling yourselves bad parents, but I will hear no debate about me understand!? I flop a lot of times.

Weiss:That doesn’t make you a C-teir. That makes you a new mom, silly.

Ruby:*grumbling* I agree to disagree but thank you. It’s just a lot okay. Too much to dive into honestly.

Blake:Summarize. Give us an abbreviated version.

Ruby:Ummm so Carmine is real special kid. The absolute love I have for her is unbreakable but gods damnit if she isn’t the most... “me” I could be! In a way similar yet different from myself, Carmine has always had this sense of urgency in her and a love for the world around her. She recognizes that it’s a fragile piece we have and just how hard I’ve worked with everyone to make it. I could tell that from her when she was five. I’d sound crazy, but the fact she used her eyes at the age proves I’m not.

Yang:She has silver eyes!? Why didn’t you bring that up?

Ruby:I thought that was obvious. All of my kids were born with then. Unlike her baby brother though, Carmine was a weird little kid. She didn’t socialize well. Still doesn’t, she’s kinda comes off rude and cold because of her bluntness. She doesn’t really express all her feelings or understand others fully. One might call her a little cold but the passion she had to protect life itself is a testament to how much she cares. Carmine is also a genius fighter. To put in perspective, people use the same nickname for her that they used for Pyrrha.

WBY:Oh....

Ruby:Yeah! It’s not hyperbolic to say ever since Carmine is far beyond any skill I was at her age since she turned thirteen. You called me a monster earlier but no, I merely gave birth to a beast. I mean she could pass the huntsman exam at fifteen if I didn’t make her wait. I can’t call her arrogant, she talks with confidence because she has that right by all means. Still, besides her face, that’s where the similarities start separating; besides terrible grades in general stuff. We’ve never been in step completely. To put simply in her own words, “What I am is a hero, while she is a huntress.” That good will and mercy I try to give everyone isn’t how she rolls. It drives a real wedge that has resulted in us not going on missions together.

Blake:Is she...killing?

Ruby:She has before, and it had valid reasons entirely, but I also know for a fact she is more than capable of bringing down people without taking that step. Not all cases are that intense thank goodness. Her overall aggressiveness is the root of the problem. You don’t have to put you back into it when handling thugs. They aren’t Hazel.

Yang:Ooo okay, yeah I’m seeing what you mean now. It’s like that one comic you always read!

Ruby:Sigh...yeah she channels a bit of Batman energy and I need her to not do that all the time. I suppose being an honest soul isn’t particularly hereditary. It always feels like we aren’t enjoying each other’s company these days. I can’t blame her though. So....you know how all of you have had one serious problem that has both destabilized yourself as well as the kids and their relationship to you? *clouded eyes*

Weiss:Wait...you loosing a child wasn’t that?

Ruby:Oh it was. It just so happened that it never ended. It grew day by day. Night by night. Jaune and I were cautious with Carmine. Going as far to give her contacts and giving birth to her off the record and not at a hospital. Just in case Cinder came back. Well, Cinder and Neo came back, with my Dustin.

Nobody said anything. What do you even say to that!? All they did was let out a stifled breath and tried to gauge Ruby’s look of guilt.

Ruby:Yet again we had gotten too comfortable. It happened when Carmine was thirteen. I don’t think Garnet was even one yet. That’s when the cruelest realization hit me. My son had been alive and hearing about how his so called mother being a person who saves everyone, yet she never came for him. She had moved on, letting his eyes become clouded with such seething hate for the world she did save; the children she had after. It’s been four years since the day he attacked Carmine and helped grimm try to invade Vacou. To this day it’s been a life of staying on gaurd, searching for them as they popped up countless places to tear Remna- to tear me down and I can’t decide what part hurts the most. The amount of anger that prevents me from killing Cinder in a blink of an eye, or looking at my daughter who has told me herself that she is going to kill her older brother because I’m too weak to do so. That I’m in no way as good as the world believes me to be. *puts hood up* Like I said, C-teir mom, at best.

Blake:That’s- you can’t- there’s no way for you to reach him? Maybe if you-

Ruby:He looks at me the same way Neo and Cinder do, Blake. They raised him to hate me. Besides, he hurt Carmine. She’s just not gonna let that slide and frankly I shouldn’t either. Carmine acts tough and for the most part is, but gets terrified like everyone else. In many ways she’s still just a young girl that I wish had never chosen to become a huntress. If I had it my way she’d just be a normal girl with normal knees; but her mother’s weakness and inexperience wrapped her up in yet another war. It’s ironic. I barely remember mom and yet I ended up putting my family in very similar situation as if she lead instruction. Happy endings, I’m not sure if I get-

Yang:You’re better than mom....

Ruby:......

Yang:Yeah I said. Look I love Summer Rose but at the end of the day she wasn’t around, not that she didn’t want to be, but it’s the truth. Several years of pleasant childhood memories and a lifetime of grief is what she left me, and all you got were tales you should’ve experienced first hand. Ruby you have spent seventeen years loving your daughter unconditionally and being there for her no matter if it’s for better or worse. Yeah you might not being doing it perfectly and I have no idea how to even fathom your predicament, but at least you are there trying. Take it from me, that’s all a daughter ever wants from their mother. It’s also what makes a pretty kick ass dad. *smiles* Chin up, hero. Your story isn’t over yet after all.

Silence filled the air and Ruby’s throat ran dry. Ruby pulled out her scroll to go to her pictures and displayed one of her favorite photos for everyone to see. It was Carmine’s fifteenth birthday. Ruby didn’t lie about the resemblance. the girl had short blonde hair that stopped halfway down her neck in the back and was longer in the front, reaching shoulders. Like her mother, the tips of her hair transitioned to red. The beautiful young woman tried to her hide her smile but her gleeful silver eyes were practically twinkling with joy as Ruby hugged her tightly from behind and a tall, more solid version of Jaune was smushing one of Carmine’s cheeks with an overly dramatic kiss to it. A tiny child no older than three at most was in his big sister’s arms. Garnet had his mother’s hair and eyes but something about the chubby face definitely showed Jaune’s features. The child had red frosting on his face and was reaching eagerly for more cake somewhere out of frame.

Yang noticed the girl took page from her father and wore some regular cargo shorts, but clearly didn’t lack flair by wearing a red crop top that showed off a fresh tattoo of the Arc crest on her toroso. Knowing her sister, that tattoo was most likely practical. The family looked happy, proud; and the mother of it currently sat across the table crying with her head face down in her hands cwhile Weiss and Blake hugged her from each side. Roses may have thorns, anyone who knew roses knew a simple truth. They’re still fragile flowers.

Yang:(Carmine Arc Rose. For you and your mother’s sake, I hope things go well)

xxxx

Though Carmine seemed cold by nature, people were quick learn the opposite. The most recent learner of this was a scared little girl that held on for dear life. It was nighttime, nothing but the sound of pouring rain and the distant glow of red and the warmth of Carmine holding the girl against her body while she sprinted through a mud ridden forest. The little payed no attention to the pain in her side, but the glow of roses, eyes, and flames through her tear filled eyes.

Beowulves chased frantically but then severed immediately by something the girl couldn’t understand, but it looked like the person carrying her. The dead beasts brought no comfort. Not when more followed close behind.

Girl:I-I’m sc...scared!

Carmine:Don’t look at them sweetie, it’ll be fine. Just keep being a brave little girl.

Girl:M...Mommy was back there.

Carmine:.....I know, she’ll be just fine. Your village, there are plenty of people there that will be just fine! Huff..... You got a name?

Mary:Mary.....

Carmine:Oh that’s a beautiful name, Mary. You know I was almost a Mary? Yeah my grandma was a really amazing person and I almost got named something similar to her. Mary is a very strong name!

Mary:You’re a liar! I’m sad, not strong. I want my mommy! Everything his dark and hurts and I want her!

The girl began painfully crying as Carmine followed her trail of roses to avoid getting lost. Things were getting worse. The storm raged and she could feel this girl burning in her arms. Not to mention the unsettling warmth the mixed with the cold rain against her body and dripped to puddles below. Any grimm near by could only be dealt with by many copies of her nearby, but that would only go so far when fear was out full force. Carmine’s boots felt like cement, but she still ran.

Carmine:Mary, you know what do when I miss my mommy? I sing! Yeah, my mom sings the best lullabies that made me feel super strong when I was little! It’s a magic song that makes everyone strong. How about I sing it you and they can sing it your mommy later okay!? But you have to close your eyes to really focus on the words!

Mary:*sniffling* Okay....

Baby deathstalkers swarmed the path made ahead as small Nevermores dove at her. Out of options, Carmine broke from the path, trying to rely on memory to go towards the safe zone while also singing lyrics to her favorite song.

Dream of anything; I'll make it all come true.

Everything you need is all I'll have for you~

Carmine never wavered. No matter how badly her lungs her or nearly slipped, she kept singing all the way to her destination where several other clones were seen racing towards with more civilians to injured or young to go themselves. An orphanage where Nora and Ren stood outside rushing people in while Jaune was keeping the grimm at bay. The sight brought a little ease.

Don't worry, I've got you; nothing will ever harm you.

I'm close by, I'll stay here; through all things, I will be near~

Carmine finally reached Nora and passed off the girl who’s grip weakened overtime. A few lyrics in and Carmine knew she was singing mainly for herself.

Carmine:Get her medical attention! I’m gonna go and find more! There’s still-

Jaune:Wait, it’s too dangerous!

Carmine:I know! That’s why I have to go! That fire is spreading and there’s stragglers pinned down! Dad.....I’m pinned down!

Jaune tensed up and looked at Carmine. No scraps on her and her clothes only soiled by others. It didn’t take long to realize. The man resisted the urge to run out to the ruined town and stood firmly.

Jaune:Carmine...end it. We’ll worry about the consequences later.

Carmine:....Okay.

Across the woods amongst the flames the real Carmine stood bleeding and bruised in front of two Beringel that charged over the vanishing corpses of their fallen with more grimm, her sword stabbed into the ground supporting her weight. Behind all living people that remained finally managed to flee. All except for a woman trapped by house debris. The woman watched this young huntsman stand proudly again. She wasn’t sure what happened next. All she heard was one sentence.

“Close your eyes...” before everything went white. Next thing she knew, Carmine was lifting debris off her as rain and wind washed away any evidence. A relief she didn’t care about in the slightest. She neither had the strength, or the time too. Much like Carmine, who began to pant and teeter. It was clear to the woman that whatever just happened didn’t come without cost as she watched the girl fall to her knees. Though she tried moving, Carmine was spent.

Carmine:Don’t worry...we’re safe....let’s-

Woman:Go...

Carmine:Huh?

Woman:I...my legs. Everything...I can’t move. Just go. I d-don’t think I’d las-

Carmine:Don’t talk like that! The hard parts over! I can-

Woman:Barely walk. *smiles* It’s okay. I don’t blame you. You fought hard.

Carmine:.....I...I’m sorry. *teary eyed*

Woman:Say, I know that face anywhere. Your Lady Rose’s kid. Funny, I thought your eyes were red? My daughter, Mary, she loves your mother. Makes me kinda jealous hehe, but hey I love her too. *crying* Do you know if Mary made it? She was wearing-

Carmine:A black dress, pink ribbons in her hair...

Woman:Yes! Is she safe? I saw you- one of you carry her off.

Carmine:...She’s just fine.

Woman:Good. That’s all....that.....

The woman never finished her sentence. Carmine’s body fell limp on the ground, facing the rain. Even with the cold downpour she could feel the warmth of her own tears, containing her emotions best she could as she looked through her clones eyes to watch Nora take Mary away from the survivors and out of sight to not stir further panic.

Carmine wasn’t sure how long she layed there, but it was long enough for Jaune to find her. The man didn’t say a word. The town was in shambles. Grimm were still fading and his daughter looked tired, but not in serious condition. Unlike the those who didn’t make it. Jaune put Carmine in his arms, carrying her away to safety.

Carmine:......Does mom ever save them all?

Jaune:No, but that never stops her from trying; or mourning.

She clenched her father’s shirt and let herself be fragile, to be a Rose.

Carmine:Next time. Mom and I, we’ll both get it right next time. A happy ending for all!

Jaune:Yeah, I know you will. Together....

#rwby #rwby au #the void #jaune arc #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #carmine arc rose #rwby rosebud #rwby lancaster

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bl--ankhaeji · 4 years ago

Text

Five Months(yuta)

Pairing ~ Yuta x Reader

Genre ~ A little bit of angst, fluff, humor if you can find it and bittersweet

Warning ~ uhh I don’t really have any

A/N ~ so for this i felt like my writing changed a little. like so far I haven’t written anything with this type of atmosphere or theme so it was something new and I really enjoyed writing this. I also want to say thank you to my beta readers Xiami and Mylin.

W. Count ~ 2.4k

Hii, before we get into the story. Wanted to let you guys know that this is my fic for the Secret Santa collab that @neoculturechristmas held. @neonun-au I am your secret santa 😊 or 🎅🏽anon. I am sorry I didn’t talk to you that much in your asks, but when we did I really enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy.

On to the story

You and Yuta have been broken up for around five months now. Over what, you truly don’t even remember. Some petty argument got out of hand and it caused you guys to break up with each other in the heat of anger. Usually when things like that happen the couple gets back together within a week and everything is fine, but sad to say that’s not what happened with you and Yuta.

You both were entirely too stubborn for your own good, and with both of you refusing to even so much as speak to the other you managed to stay broken up for five months. And that’s what led you to where you are right now. Stranded on a snowy mountain trail with said ex.

The sound of snow crunching underneath your boots was deafening,but even this noise couldn't drown out the sound of your thoughts. You ask yourself, how did what was supposed to be a quick stroll on a beautiful snowy trail to clear your mind end up becoming a meet up with your ex?

Oh, maybe it’s because life is a bitch that loves to fuck with you. What are the odds that you and your friends plan a Christmas trip to the same resort as Yuta and his friends? And what are the odds that your cabins are right next to each other? And what are the fucking odds that you both picked the exact same time to step out for a walk on the same trail, and you both manage to get lost?

“Yuta, I really don’t think you know where the hell you’re going.” You say halting your steps, the icy tone in your words almost rivaling the cold outside. You both have been lost and aimlessly walking around for the past 20 minutes and the temperature continued to drop as it was getting later and later into the night. Yuta swore he knew the way back, but you were cold and tired and seriously doubting this ability.

When you first realized you were lost, you tried to retrace your steps only to find out the consistently falling snow had already covered them, making it look as if no one had even been there. At first you thought, maybe this was a sign, an opportunity for you and Yuta to rekindle your relationship, but you quickly realized how wrong you were.

Yuta’s hand reached up to his head, “Just, give me a minute okay. I know how to get back, we're almost there.” He said as he continued to pace forward.

“Yuta, stop! Just fucking stop and admit that you don’t know where the fuck we are or where we are going! This is just like you, I see you haven’t changed in these last five months.” You scoff looking away as you wrap your arms around your waist, trying to generate some warmth.

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean, huh?!” A fiery Yuta inquires, turning around to face you.

“It means that even with our breakup, you still can’t admit when you’re wrong and don’t know something. You keep pushing at it, not listening, feeling like you have to know it all on your own.” The words fell out of your mouth unforgivingly, packing a punch in every single syllable. Finishing your statement, you roll your eyes, shifting your weight to your right side.

“Wow, isn’t that fucking rich coming from you. I’m not the one who bottles everything up and whenever they feel is convenient enough decides to blow up on her boyfriend for no reason. Just like the one that broke us up, this argument was started by you. So don’t act like I’m the only problem.” Just like Yuta said, you may have started the argument but he seemed intent on finishing it.

The cold was suddenly unbearable, and all you wanted right now was to just go to sleep in a warm bed. No words were spoken after that, and like that you and Yuta just pushed past it, continuing to walk forward and ignoring the venomous words you both spoke in hopes of forgetting this event. This really was no different than five months ago.

The want to cry your heart out was almost all consuming, but you didn’t let a single tear fall. In hopes of not appearing weak and also because you believed with your whole heart that if you were to cry right, now the tears would turn to ice on your face instantly from the cold. So you kept your head down, trying to not think about where you actually were.

You were completely zoned out until you heard, “Y/n, we’ve made it.” Raising your head, you see a wooden cabin in the distance. Finally, you thought, it was starting to get dark. You instantly start sprinting to the cabin. “Wait up.” Yuta said as he started to run behind you. The sounds of crushed snow and huffed breaths filled your ears.

Upon getting closer to the cabin you realize something is off. Looking through the uncovered window on the door, you realize that this wasn’t the cabin that either of you currently occupied. You could tell not only from the emptiness in the house but also from the lack of lights and the quiet that rang through the air. “Yuta, I don’t know where we are but this isn’t either one of our cabins.” You tell him through bated breaths, your teeth slightly chattering, looking as he slows down until he stops in front of you, also out of breath.

“Huh? What do you mean?” He asks as he tries the doorknob only to see that it’s locked.

“I mean that this isn’t where we’re staying. It’s just a random cabin in the woods.” Yuta swears loudly at the revelation. You both are stranded at some random cabin at night while it’s snowing and almost below freezing outside. “What the fuck are we gonna do? We could barely manage to find our way here. There's no way we’ll be able to navigate in the dark and find our way back.”

“We have no choice, we have to break in. Our clothes and shoes are almost soaked through from the melted snow and I can practically hear your teeth chattering. Also, I’m hungry.” At the mention of food your stomach chooses now to rumble loudly almost as if agreeing with Yuta’s statement.

A small chuckle leaves Yuta’s lips, “Don’t worry, I won’t let you go hungry.” He proceeds to take off the flannel he has underneath his snow jacket and wraps it around his hand making a fist. He lifts his fist getting ready to punch the glass before you stop him, your hands coming around fist.

“Woah! Stop right there, we can’t just go vandalizing this random cabin hell we’re already breaking and entering. Just step aside, I got this.” You tell the man as you push him aside. You slightly tilt over, surveying the type of lock on the door and inwardly rejoice at the fact that there’s no bolt lock and it’s just a regular handle lock which seems to be quite loose.

Good thing you brought your wallet in case you went to the convenience store. Taking out an old card, you proceed with breaking into the cabin. Sliding it in between the door handle and the frame, a smile takes over your face when you feel the door give and start to open.

Standing straight, you look towards Yuta while inwardly praying the owners don’t have a silent alarm for the cabin. “Woah, that was kinda hot. When did you learn to do that?” He questions, leaning against the wall of the cabin watching you with predatory eyes.

Something stirs in your stomach at the look on his face. Deciding to ignore it, you just say, “A lady never tells.” and waltz into the cabin with a wink. You hear a low whistle flow from his mouth as he follows you into the currently uninhabited cabin.

You look around the room searching for a heater, preferably gas when the room suddenly gets flooded by light. “We have electricity, so that’s good.” Yuta says before he makes his way to the kitchen, “Now let's look for some food.” You hear a couple cabinets open and close before Yuta finds some canned food. Luckily, there’s three cans of beef soup that you guys can heat up and eat.

Yuta gets the food going and you continue your search for a heater, finding it near the back of the room. You quickly turn it on in order to warm yourself up, while proceeding to take off your wet jacket and boots. It was a good thing the wood floor was covered with a rug. Yuta calls your name, telling you the food was ready, and you walk to the kitchen reluctantly, leaving behind the warm rug underneath your feet.

You take the first sip of your soup, the warmth it radiates heating you up internally as it travels down your throat, and part of you feels relieved. The prospect of freezing to death wasn’t knocking at your door anymore and you had food in your system, but you and Yuta eat your soup in silence. Though the room was draped in a comfortable warmth and you guys weren’t yelling at each other you still couldn’t help but feel like something between you two just wasn’t right.

After washing the dishes, you make your way back to the main room, tuning in on the softness of your sock clad feet padding against the wood floor. You spot Yuta standing near the heater and you notice that he had draped your wet jackets above the heater, possibly so they would be dry by the time you guys left in the morning.

Lowering yourself to the rug, you sit down criss cross, busying yourself by braiding the tassels on the sides of the rug. You hear Yuta clear his throat as he sits across from you on the spacious rug. “Do you want to play a game?” He asks you looking up from his hands to gouge your reaction.

“Sure.” you reply, waiting for him to tell you the game. He replies, telling you he wants to play questions, and you prepare yourself for the possible shit show that might ensue.

“I’ll go first. Are you still cold?” His simple question takes you by surprise. That’s not even close to what you expected for him to ask.

“Yea, just a little though.” You reply honestly shrugging your shoulders, “My turn.” What did you want to ask? you thought to yourself. You didn’t want to lower the atmosphere with a question about your relationship just yet, so you also decided to play it safe. “Are you still hungry?”

“You know I am.” He quips a little smile playing at his lips. “Next question. Since you’re still cold, can I cuddle you right now?” Your eyes grow larger at his question and you can’t deny that the thought of it made your heart race a little. A slow nod is all the answer Yuta needs before he is scooting over behind you wrapping his arms around your torso.

You never got to tell Yuta how good this hairstyle was on him. The bleached hair with lilac highlights fit him so well, and that’s all you could think as his head finds a home on the side of your neck and his semi long hair tickles the side of your face. You’re so focused on the sensation of his body against yours filtering his warmth to you that you don’t notice that it is now your turn for a question.

“Y/n, it’s been your turn for a while.” Yuta speaks as his warm breath dances on your skin.

“Why have you not tried to mend things with me?” You don’t know if it’s just your curiosity or if it’s your brain trying to ruin the moment so you don’t get hurt but you decide it’s time to bring up your relationship.

“Well you can’t say you’ve tried all that hard either. It goes both ways y/n-”

“Actually,” You interrupt him, “I did try, once. It was three months into our breakup and I was tired of missing you and missing us and I wanted it all to be over and to just put this behind us. So I went over to your house to mend things and I saw some girl leaving, and before you say I jumped to conclusions, I saw her kiss you.” Averting your eyes to your sweaty palms, you watch yourself rub them against your knees. You can feel the telltale sting in your eyes signifying future tears.

“That- Y/n no it’s really not what you think.” You feel Yuta’s arms wrap tighter around you. “That girl was a project partner and she came over so we could work on it, but she had heard that me and you broke up so she thought it was okay to try and shoot her shot by kissing me. I didn’t kiss back, nor did I enjoy it. I even ended up doing the rest of the project on my own.”

You turn to look at Yuta to see if he’s telling the truth and you see no hints of falsity. Instantly you feel stupid, and you go to look back at the floor until Yuta grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“My turn. If I were to tell you that I was willing to change for us right now would you believe me?” His eyes burn intensely as he waits for your reply.

“If I were to tell you that you don’t have to change for us would you believe me?” Was your reply and you could see the hope forming in his irises

“If I were to tell you I still love you-” His words fall off as your lips meet his and they become occupied with something else.

Five months. It had been five months since you heard his voice. It had been five months since you felt him against you. Five months since you tasted his lips. Five months since he had last declared his love.

If you could go back in time and make it to where you never had to suffer that drought without him, you would. But for now you just wanted to enjoy the time you would get from today forward.

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