#(such as “that nice lady who told me to always listen to what women tell me to!”)

[devil-in-hiding]

Okay but Virgin!Reader who is absolutely terrified of intimacy. It’s not a lack of knowledge on the subject; she’s knows more about it than a retired pornstar. But she just can’t handle the thought of giving herself away, especially to someone she doesn’t know or feels like she can’t trust! Back where she comes from, trust is a privilege and respect is a must. But what happens when she meets brutal, gruff, and one hundred and ten percent dangerous Simon Riley, who’s way more experienced and has a history of fucking just to let off some steam.

Ughhhhh 😵‍💫

Simon is your neighbor. Your first interaction is when he almost knocks you over in the hall, only offering a grunt and cold glare before slamming his apartment door shut.

It remains that way for a year or so, the rare times you do see him home. Nothing is ever said, but he acknowledges you with a grunt, and you always return a small nod of greeting. He’s cold and gruff, but every time he gets home from wherever he goes, you have to hole up in the living room to escape the moans and his headboard banging into your wall. the following mornings you can hardly look him in the eye as he stares at you rushing towards the stairs.

It’s not until after a particularly bad date, who is stubbornly trying to invite himself into your apartment, that Simon actually speaks.

“Jake please, I had a nice time but I have to get up early for work.” You protest, trying to block your doorway and the guy scoffs. “C’mon, you gonna leave me hangin like that?” He frowns, trying to shoulder past you.

“I would like you to leave now.”

“Listen here you little bitch, I’ve had to put up with staring at that rack all night, the least you can do is-“

“Think the lady told you to get the fuck out mate.” A deep voice growls, and the two of you jump, and your eyes widen at seeing Simon there, and there’s a dark look in his eyes as he stares down your ‘date’

“Hey man, this is none of you-“

“Considering this nice woman is my neighbor, I’m making it my fucking business.” He states before quite literally lifting Jake by the scruff of his neck and throwing him out into the hallway. “I see you bothering her again and I’ll kick your sorry ass up and down this god damn complex you got that?”

Jake is gone before Simon is done talking. You hear him take a deep breath, shoulders relaxing before he turns to face you, and you’re surprised by the concern showing in his eyes.

“That fuckhead didn’t hurt you, did he?” He asks, and you’re shocked this man’s voice can be so soft. You’re frozen, just staring at him before you find your voice.

“N-no, no I’m okay, he was just trying to shoulder past me.” You stutter out, nervously playing with your fingers. Your heart stops when one of his large hands reaches up, gently brushing your hair away from your face.

“Sorry it took me so long, couldn’t tell if it was you I was hearing.” He admits, and your heart flutters. He knows your voice?

He talks to you more after that, helping you with groceries when your hands are full, stopping by to ask if you’d watch his apartment while he’s away on deployment. You start to look forward to the two knocks on your door, finding Simon waiting for you, crinkles around his eyes letting you know he’s smiling at you.

But the women still come, along with your nights camped out in the living room, you’re heart just a bit heavier every time.

(might turn this into something)

[chubypotato]

Someone hitting you in front of him.

Once again it is a request from our beloved @ijustloveshingekinokyojin

Including Umemiya, Sakura, Suo, Kiryu and nirei

Umemiya

You guys were just together looking for some item you've seen online and you really wanted them.

Seeing you so happy Umemiya heart couldn't help but to felt his heart melt.

Without you noticed Umemiya went into the store.

After a few second an unknown men went to meet you. Starting to talk to you.

Even though you told the guy to leave you alone he started to scream at you and even took your arm.

At the exact moment Umemiya cameback.

He didnt have the time to make a move that your fist meet this guy face.

When He tried to replicate you felt a hand on your waist and an important presence behind you.

That was of course your boyfriend. He's coming to help you.

"What do you think you're doing? "

Seeing the firing uniform the man left quickly.

When you asked Umemiya were he was he looked at you with adorable eyes showing you the product he bought that you guys came originally for.

Sakura

You guys were outside you went with Sakura and his friend on a patrol. You weren't used to go with him but you had nothing to do and you really wanted to spend time with him.

Sakura and you were behind everyone talking and stuff. You even manage to take his hand in yours. His face was slightly red but not that much noticeable.

When a men approached you and talking to you in an appropriate way. Telling you stuff you really didn't like and after all you are here to spend time with your boyfriend and to see how a Furin patrol is.

Sakura couldn't even say a thing before you jump on that guy to rip him apart. No thought needed just action. Your body moved before you could think.

The fight started and well obviously you won. Women supremacy. The men left running his tails between his leg. Not very brave for a men who went talk to you and even tried to flirt with you in front of the furin.

When you turn back everyone was looking at you. Such a pretty lady fighting like that. Quite impressive. The mouth were open not really know how to react or even what to say. But what did they expect you are Sakura 's girlfriend.

But honestly even him didn't know you could do that. The guy didn't even touch you once. You were so cool.

Sakura looked so proud like have you seen that? That's my girlfriend look.

"You can fight? Fight me. "

Bro now want to fight with and against you.

Suo

Walking hand in hand with your boyfriend he was listening to you while you were talking about your last interest of the moment.

It was such a cute moment everyone could tell you were loving bird.

That nice moment were cut off by a bunch of men who came by you

Without a thought suo put you behind him to protect his significant other.

Unfortunately the guys wouldn't let you off so a fight start.

Suo was doing as always amazing but he didn't see one of the guy approaching you.

It was only when you sent him fly to another guy suo was fighting that he turn around to see you angry.

Seriously it was a nice afternoon, the weather was nice but no people pissed you off.

You went by Suo to be behind him again. Sure you know how to fight but you don't want to.

After that you guys went by an item from your interest of the moment to cool you off.

Kiryu

Can we take a moment to appreciate how cute he looks on this image?

You guys were on a date in the arcade laughing and having fun playing.

It was such precious date to you since you could enjoy a passion in common but also cause let's not lie you beat every record on the arcade born.

After beating another record Kiryu told you he will comeback in a few and to just wait for him.

So here you are now trying to escape a boring conversation with a men who clearly want to take you home.

You wish your boyfriend would comeback soon but unfortunately it seems that he will take some time.

When you nicely said the men you didn't wish to speak to him and you already have someone he began to be more aggressive.

He took your arm begining to drag you closer to him. You couldn't do much since he has your arm so you hit him with you head on the nose.

He startind to bleed when his lift his hand to slap you.

You raise you arm ready to block him. But before you could a hand stopped him.

Kiryu came back. Finally. You were clearly not a princess in danger but if you could avoid fighting even though you know how to its better.

Kiryu was clearly really pissed off by this men. His pressure on the guy hand was strong and he didn't want to let go. Who do this guy think to touch you?

The guy otherwise did not let go to. They started to fight before a manager came to the situation and make everyone leave.

Kiryu look at you before giving you a plush he won while he was not with you that's why he left. Finally you guys ended up at his house playing game with the plush between your arm.

Nirei

You guys were walking on the street heading to a meet up with the other.

It was a nice day you actually came cause the meeting was called kinda late and you really wanted to meet your boyfriend's friend.

So here you are walking listening to Nirei talking about how Sakura tried to again started a fight and how he tried to stopped it while Suo encouraged it by his sarcastic comment.

At some point a guy came by you stopping you on your walks.

Dude tried to poorly rizz you when Nirei told him you weren't interested and then HE was YOUR boyfriend.

But the guy didn't like that his fist up he tried to hit Nirei when you stopped him and hit his elbow with your knee. Bam you broke it.

The guy left crying how much it hurts. Nirei was so impressed by you he even asked you to teach him how to do that.

You looked at him laughing when you slowly realise his friend was behind him. With all the sound the fight did obviously furin came to see what happened. And they saw everything.

And that is how you met you boyfriend's friends.

[targaryenluvs]

VICTORS SPOILS

pairings: dark!finnick odair x fem!capitol!reader

warnings: obsession, following/stalking, creepy behaviour, naive/younger reader, age gap, (reader is 19 and finnick's around 25), non-con touching and kissing, manipulation, bj mentions/insinuations, sex mentions, prostitution mentions, finnick lowkey preying on you - descriptions of brown reader (i was self indulgent since i’m indian 😁) condescending/nit picking mother and pushy parents!

summary: a victor should be celebrated! a victor should get what ever they wish, even if it’s a sweet capitol girl who misplaced her kindness in someone who was in desperate need of reprieve and distraction.

a/n: ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!! HERES A GIFT FROM ME TO YOU ❤️GUESS WHO MADE HER OWN LITTLE HEADER GAHH!! i tried my bestttt - ive been away for a littleeee!! sorry babes <33 it was like 3am and i cooked this up in my head before opening my brewing pot (notes app) and jotting it down - NOT PROOFREAD

the hall was so loud.

they always were at capitol parties. your mother and father always dragged you along, stating that a young lady should be getting out, meeting people, friends, becoming well versed and established in the capitol. and that they wouldn’t always be here. “you need to learn to be alone, fend for yourself and stand your ground. how are you gonna do that if you’re always trying to keep to yourself dear?” your mother sweetly smiled as she looked over you, “i think you still have time to change that dress, not the most flattering sweetie.”

you scoffed as she walked away ever so elegantly. you looked over yourself in the mirror, the green dress was gorgeous, to you at least. but the blue dress your mother had chosen was breath-taking, as much as you hated to agree with her opinion. so you bit your tongue and put the chosen dress on.

mother knows best right?

the sun was setting with an especially beautiful array of colours to which you figured no one would really notice you were gone if they were all focused on something else. there was probably a screen upstairs which you could watch something on. a few things to eat and drink then you’d head up there.

finnick was glancing over to you the whole night. you’d worn blue, and he’d taken it as an ode to him. you hadn’t looked over at him yet but your leaving of the party seemed like an invitation to him to finally introduce himself.

as you settled down on the plush couch you felt all your tensions melt away. but finnick wouldn’t leave you alone for long. “i’m sorry i didn’t know this was occupied.” finnick looked sad and you had no clue why, so being as nice as you are had you opening the room in invitation to him. “no, no! i just wanted to get away from the party. you’re welcome to sit with me finnick.” it felt odd to you for some reason, calling him by his name as if he was a friend. you’d only ever seen him through screens and from afar yet he looked as amazing as always.

“are you sure?” you nodded and smiled, moving down the couch to make room for him. he sat down, respectful of your space. he looked drained and you felt the same way. “tired of the party?” you asked as he smiled and nodded, “a lot of people asking a lot of questions.” you spoke, “everyone has something to say or ask. my dad told me he got three men asking for my hand. we haven’t even been here for two hours. it’s like being in a room with vultures. and if i do accept i’ll just be, nothing. someone stuck to the side of some ugly guy who just wants a pretty face.” you didn’t know what it was about him but you felt as if you could tell him anything.

and he sat, and listened. nodding his head and adding it where appropriate. it felt, nice. having someone actually listen to what you said rather than just asking what you were wearing. he was nothing like what you expected. you’d heard the whispers. that he was a playboy, he was with and had been with multiple women and men over the years. and that he liked it, the gifts, the people, the uhm, other aspects.

“but you, i’m sure you have people to meet, scope out.” you wanted to curl up and die as soon as the words left your mouth. “no! oh my god, i do not mean it like that. you- i- you should not feel ashamed of what you like. i am so sorry- i didn’t mean to imply-” god would you stop droning on? finnick pressed his lips into a thin line, “hey it’s okay. you’re fine. in all honestly, i know everyone has mis-conceptions of me.” you took his place in attentive listening as he explained the truth.

the threats, the people pawing at him, him being sold from fourteen.

you were crying. it all sounded unbelievable and unbearable for someone to go through at such a young age, his life was ruined all because he was pretty, desirable. no child should even have to think of such things let alone experience them. and rather than you comforting him, he was sitting with his arms around you. he was too good to be true.

“i- no i’m so sorry that happened to you finnick. i had no clue, no one does. you are such an amazing person, from the little time i’ve known you. you don’t deserve any of this. how could you get away from this? we could- we could expose snow we could-” finnick cut you off with teary eyes, “there’s nothing we can do. trust me, if there was i would have tried. but i think, if i got married perhaps. i’d have a reason to stay away from the captiol. we’d live in district four, in peace.”

the idea was pretty decent, you’d give him that. and you couldn’t help your heart running a little faster at the prospect of potentially marrying him. you were already fast friends, at least you’d marry a friend? even if he potentially loved someone else or you loved another.

“what if- if you married me?”

he’d hoped you’d say that.

“you’d do that for me? seriously?” finnick faked shock as you nodded, “we’re friends, i’d much rather marry you than anyone else here to be honest. we could be happy.” you smiled as he wiped away his last tear. “y/n, that’s an amazing idea.”

your wedding was marvellous.

your parents pushed out buck after buck, no expense spared for their little girl. as if they actually cared for you. your wedding dress was white and pristine, courtesy of snow. your brown hair in curls and your brown skin glistening. but you added blue accents for finnick, or you thought you did. it’s not like he pushed for you to wear the things he bought by incessantly reminding the makeup artists and helpers that you were marrying the finnick odair, his wife deserved nothing but the best.

you stood infront of a friend, smiling, happy to be marrying a kind soul.

he stood in front of the object of his affection, his desire and love.

in the first few weeks you were undeniably happy, finnick was as sweet as ever and respected you. it was your best outcome. but overtime you seemed to notice changes in his behaviour. when you’d want to go out into town for dinner he’d always have an excuse up his sleeve.

“there’s roadworks towards your favourite restaurant honey. maybe another time?”

“apparently they’re all booked out, maybe in a few weeks time?”

“wouldn’t you rather have a home-cooked meal? i made your favourite sweetheart.”

it began to annoy after the sixth time. “it can’t always be busy can it? we use to go all the time, and it’s not like they’d refuse you finnick. what’s going on?”

“i give you everything you could ever want. why the hell do you want to go out so much? am i not enough? are you- are you seeing someone?” finnick slumped in his seat.

your eyes widened as you rushed over to him, settling on your knees as your hands were placed on his thighs, “finnick how could you say such a thing? i would never do that to you. i swear there’s nothing going on, i just, i’m bored. i’d like to go out with you, explore your district with you, meet new people with you.” finnicks eyes burnt into yours. this is certainly not how he first wanted to see you on your knees, but at least you were whining.

“yeah? you like me? you promise there’s nothing going on?” you nodded dumbly, “yes yes! nothing i promise.” finnick looked down at your hands in his lap, “how do i know you’re not lying?” your hands were on his knees as you straightened your back, coming closer to his eye level, “i promise finnick. you are my husband, i’m with you. i’ll do anything to prove it to you.”

finnick was fighting off every muscle in his cheeks to not start grinning whilst the sad look on his face was breaking your heart, “yeah? anything?” oh this was going to be good. your cheeks were flushed as you heard the words come of out his mouth, “undo my belt sweetheart, show me how much you mean it.” wavering hands hovered over his belt buckle as finnick relaxed into his seat, it couldn’t get better than this right?

wrong.

every time you asked to go out, to meet a friend, to go to the capitol he’d always sulk. and the night would end with you on your knees, him on his to make you forget, or the two of you tangled in sheets.

finnick was finally happy, he had the girl of his dreams after such a long period of sadness, of exploitation and terror. fake smiles and lingering eyes.

he finally got something out of the games.

and his gift?

the victors spoils.

[melobin]

જ⁀➴ yoga class 𐙚 shotaro

part of the riize as porn plots series.

summary - your friend drags you to a yoga class where you get a one on one lesson with the instructor.

wc - 2.7k

warnings - yoga instructor!shotaro x female reader, dom!shotaro, bad use of yoga terminology, mirror sex, unprotected sex, cream pie.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

“i’m glad you decided to come! yoga is a great way to destress and the instructor is really good, he’s super hands on with his teaching” you nodded as you listened to your friend talk enthusiastically about the yoga class she just had to drag you along to. she claimed during the short time she’s been attending them, her body has felt lighter and she’s felt happier. you thought you may as well try it once, wanting to know what she was kicking up a fuss about as well as having her finally shut up about it “he’s cute too”

“so why don’t you fuck him?”

“because, i’m leaving that to you” she giggled before opening the door to the room in which the class was taking place. the inside looked exactly as you’d expected it too, mats on the ground, middle aged women in sports bras and leggings that seemed a little too tight for them. maybe they enjoyed seeing themselves in the reflection of the mirrors that surrounded half of the room, or maybe they just enjoyed the attention of the yoga instructor your friend had told you about.

“shotaro!” you followed her eyes to the man who stood at the front of the room. okay, maybe he was cute.

“jisoo, a pleasure as always” his eyes trailed to you “you must be the friend she was telling me about, it’s nice to meet you, i hope you enjoy today’s class, it’s always nice to see fresh faces” despite mentioning you face, his eyes didn’t stay there. the usual disgust you’d be filled with at the sight of someone shamelessly checking you out didn’t appear, instead you felt appreciation. maybe even arousal at the feeling of his eyes so shamelessly lingering on your tits. “have you ever done yoga before?” his eyes met your briefly, you shook your head.

“no! but i’m sure i’ll enjoy every second of it” he smile at you softly, there was a hint of playfulness in his eyes as he bidded you both goodbye so he could walk toward the front of the room to begin the class. if he already had his eyes on you before the class had even began, you were interested to see just how much attention you could get from him by the end of it.

jisoo pulled you toward the front of the class, bringing you down to sit with your legs crossed and your hands resting on your knees, some pose she called the easy seat. you were close to where shotaro stood on his own mat, it somehow felt inevitable for you to make eye contact with the man, too focused on him to even look at your own reflection in the mirror behind him.

“we’ll start with something simple, don’t want any of you pretty ladies to pull anything and get hurt do i?” you heard some of the older women giggle between themselves toward the back of the room, you were right with their intentions to get his attention. as much as you wanted to make fun of them for it you couldn’t, you would’ve done the same. 

“this one is called the tree” he stood on his left leg, bringing his right one up and bending it so he could press the flat of his foot against his left thigh, he then closed his hands together in a prayer like stance. it seemed simple, as simple as yoga could be you assumed. 

he took the class through a few different poses, slowly bringing you lower to the ground, a standing fold that had you bending your body down as far as you could and the downward dog, that one you were familiar with. it seemed easy, a little straining but it hurt in a good way. you knew your muscles were going to ache in a few hours but you didn’t mind.

“okay!” his voice brought your attention back to him “this is going to be a little straining, but we’re going to go into a plank, i’d like for you to hold it for anywhere between thirty seconds to a minute, if you can” a plank, just the sound of it made you want to die, but you couldn’t help but want to impress him. you’d regret everything about what you were about to do but you had to be the last one standing with it, you had to be the one to last the full minute.

okay, maybe you were over estimating yourself with your ability to do that because you knew you weren’t going to last the full minute. once you were in the position and he told you all to 

begin it didn’t take longer than, you’d estimate, ten seconds of your muscles to start aching, twenty seconds before your legs were shaking and twenty-five seconds before your arms were shaking. thirty seconds was definitely more than enough time for you to be in the position for.

“you’re doing well considering you’ve never done yoga before” you heard his soft voice come from beside you, he had crouched down to be near your face, you felt his hand ruffle your hair before he laughed and stood up, moving toward the next person. that’s all it took for you to collapse onto your mat, wincing at the slight ache than ran through your legs.

“okay okay good work, didn’t realise i had so many pretty, talented ladies with me today” oh the charm, he knew what he was doing. he knew his main demographic of class attendees were middle aged house wives who are attention deprived due to their husbands always being at work or in some bar with their friends, he knew how to get them giggling and coming back for more. you were almost ashamed to admit it was working on you too.

“the last few things i want you to go into will help your body stretch and relax, this one is called the puppy dog pose and it’ll require you to kneel down and part your legs, stretch your body forward, arms reaching out as far as they can go with your back arched and your thighs up right causing the bottom half of your torso to stick up into the air” whilst you did understand his explanation, you think, you were glad that he decided to give a tutorial of the pose himself.

this was the position that finally gave you the hands on teaching that jisoo had mentioned, it was only a few seconds of you being in the position when you felt shotaro near you. behind you. he placed his hand on your upper back and knelt behind you, putting pressure on the skin between your shoulder blades.

“you’re very flexible” his voice was quiet, it seemed as if he only wanted you to hear him “i have another pose i think you’d look good in” he pressed himself forward, shivers ran through you as you felt his cock press against you, slotting the length against the valley of your ass cheeks, it seemed to fit perfectly “what do you say about staying behind after class so i can show you, hm?”

you barely let out a whimper, the pressure he was putting on your body had your knees weak, cunt leaking, slick seeping through your panties into your leggings “sounds perfect”. he laughed at your reply, slowly standing up before walking around the room. you couldn’t help but watch him through the mirror, he wasn’t as hands on with anyone else as he was with you, the ladies in the back seemed to be filled with dismay due to it. jisoo on the other hand, simply met your eyes through the mirror and laughed, mouthing something that seemed be along the lines of ‘have fun.’ oh, you were sure you were going to.

the last ten minutes of the class seemed to drag on a little too long for your liking, you felt relief run through you when he said it was finished. you weren’t sure how many more yoga poses you could have done whilst dripping the way that you were, you could still feel the outline of his cock pressed against your ass. if you weren’t about to be fucked silly in the middle of the room, then you were about to leave extremely disappointed.

you lingered around as you watched the women flock to him, telling him how much his classes had helped them and shamelessly asking him if he would mind providing some more private lessons. he laughed at their obvious attempts of seducing him, eyes locking with yours when he told them “private? sorry ladies i don’t do private lessons, but i know theres some instructors who do” he had a smirk on his lips, the right corner of them tugged up as he brought his eyes back to the women in front of him, laughing a little at their over-exaggerated, disappointed sighs. you felt a hand rest on your shoulder, you turned to see a very amused jisoo. 

“you didn’t think i just brought you here to do yoga right? go get laid girl, you deserve it” she giggled as she left the room, soon after the rest of the women followed and before you knew it, you were alone with shotaro.

“come here” he beckoned you over to his yoga mat that stayed on the floor “why don't you lay down for me pretty girl” you done as he asked, he knelt between your legs, fingers running up your outer thighs before he brought your legs up to rest on his shoulders, parting them so one sat on each shoulder.

“this one is called the legs up” his fingers ran back down the sides of your legs before digging into your inner thighs, you felt his nails press into your skin through the material, his cock loose in his sweats, pressing against your clothed core. “this kind of position really helps your inner core stretch” he parted your legs a little more, shifting himself so he was pressed completely against you. god you wanted him so bad.

“i can feel it” you breathed out, eyes struggling to stay open as you felt him grind his bulge against you.

“oh yeah?”

“mhm” it came out as a moan, you didn’t mean for it to, but shotaro seemed to really enjoy the sound that left you.

“i think i have a way you can feel even more”

“why don’t you show me that way?” he smirked, fingers crawling up your thighs until they reached the top of your leggings. he hooked his fingers around the hem of them, grabbing your panties in the process, and pulled them down your legs until they were being discarded onto the floor next to you, you arched your back in order to help him, not realising you had given him the perfect view of your bare, sopping cunt. he groaned.

his fingers dropped to run through your cunt, tips of them circling your clit in a slow motion before dragging down your slit to push one into you. with how wet you were, you were sure you didn’t need much prep to take him, especially with the way your needy hole sucked his finger into you. he was quick to pull it out.

“you’re dripping onto my mat, baby”

“whatever, i’ll get you a new one” you seemed eager, he loved it.

he pushed his own sweats down, cock throbbing at the sudden cold air that hit it. he was red, swollen. he definitely didn’t have the biggest cock out of the men you’ve been with, but something was telling you that it didn’t matter. he knew how to use it regardless.

“your little cunt looks like it’s begging for me to fuck it” he was refering to the way he swore he saw your empty hole clench in anticipation, the clenching only increasing when you felt the tip of his cock press against your clit. you could only whimper when you felt him drag it down your slit and the head of his cock press against your hole, a moan slipping from your lips as the head of his cock pushed into you.

his thumb fell to your clit as his other arm wrapped around your thighs, he pushed the rest of his cock into you in one quick thrust, your body shuddered as you took him. it didn’t take long for his hips to be rolling against yours, his thumb rubbing loose circles against your clit to stimulate you more. 

shotaro knew how to fuck, there was no denying it. his hips rolled perfectly against yours, cock dragging against your walls, you were able to feel every inch of him, each vein that bulged out of his cock with each thrust. he knew what he was doing and you were more than content laying back and taking whatever he gave you.

“feel so good ‘taro” your words came out breathless, whines slipping from you in between them. you clenched around his cock as you spoke to him, wanting him to know just how good he really was making you feel.

“oh yeah?” there was a cockiness to his voice, it only turned you on more “need to fuck you from behind, need to see your pretty ass as i fuck your sweet little pussy” you whined as he pulled out of you, but were happy to let him grab you by your hips and press you onto your stomach, fingers digging into your sides are he pulled your ass into the air and reached down to press your upper back down against the mat. it felt very similar to the pose he had you in around twenty minutes prior.

“god, you’re so perfectly like this” you weren’t sure if he was talking to you or himself at that point, none of that cared as he eased his cock back into your awaiting cunt. you sighed in relief when you felt him fill you up again, he seemed to fuck you even better from this angle. his cock moved inside of you perfectly. fucking into your cunt with a feeling that could only describe as pure need and desire.

you could tell just how into it he was when you briefly looked into the mirror, his eyes were fixated on the way your cunt swallowed his cock, lips parted and cheeks flushed as he fucked you. you wondered how often he found himself in this position, if he got to others the way he got to you, it must’ve been often.

you were pulled out of your thoughts when you felt his hand leave your back and sneak under your body to press his fingers against your clit, pads of them rubbing against the nub, keeping a rhythm that matched his thrusts.

“fuck, you’re gonna make me cum” his words set a fire in your stomach, wanting to cum with him, needing to feel his cum shoot inside of you and have him fill you up “come on baby, make a mess on my cock, cum with me” his words were close to pushing you over the edge, your fingers gripping his mat, creasing it under you as your thighs began to shake.

“gonna cum” it was barely a whine, you sounded so sweet and desperate, felt so warm and wet, he knew the second you fell over the edge he’d be following. he wouldn’t be able to hold back feeling you tighten any more around him.

“i got you, baby, come on” that was all it took, you spilled over his cock, squeezing it tightly with you cunt as you came around him. his orgasm hit barely a second later, his fingers not stopping on your clit as he pressed himself as deep as he could inside of you, holding himself there as he let his cum fill you up. “good girl, taking every drop of me”. 

you were whining until his fingers stopped, thighs quivering as he pulled out of you, both of his hands went to the lips of your pussy. he pulled them apart, watching the way his cum leaked out of your hole and down onto the mat below you. 

“fuck” he cursed as he watched the sight in front of him before laughing “you really owe me a new mat”.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

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[lostinlewis]

prompt idea if you're still taking them: “It was always you, don't you get it? no matter how much I denied it, it was always you and always will be you.”

Cuuute. We love some angst in this house.

Words: 2490

Semi Mature/Angst.

It should have been easier to face him after all the time that had passed, if you had told the version of you that left the house that fateful night with your bags packed, that ten years down the line, a decade since you last saw him, you would still be wracked with nerves that were so intense they induced nausea and the cold air of the winter night did nothing to calm you, you would have been so disappointed in yourself.

What was the point of trying to heal, if you never really did?

When you had accepted the invite you knew there was a risk he would show, he was the brand's ambassador afterall, yet as your driver passed the cars already parked and you spotted his distinctive number plate on the Mercedes, you were shocked to your core with the thought of having to see him. 

The best thing about industry dinners was the fact that in a room full of strangers everyone acted like they were long lost best friends. You purposefully held conversation with people you had no business talking to for so long, just so you wouldn’t find yourself without company,  just so he wouldn’t find you alone. 

You had spotted him the moment you walked into the room, it had never mattered how busy a room was, your eyes somehow always found him, and a decade later that was still the case. He looked great, of course. His hair twisted and sat perfectly on his shoulders, his outfit immaculate as usual. 

How was it possible to only get better looking with age?

It was perhaps a little arrogant of you to think he was watching your every move, yet you felt it. You knew that as he listened to people in the industry fawn over him in a way they always had, his attention was only ever on you. 

A part of you had hoped that for as long as you kept yourself in company, it would keep him away, and that worked for a little while, until it didn’t.

“Sorry to interrupt…” 

His voice sent a violent shiver down your spine as it sounded from just behind you, the hand placed on the small of your back froze you in your spot. 

“...Hello.” 

He was so slick with how the hold he had on your back turned you into him so he could greet you with a kiss on both cheeks, long drawn out kisses as if he was savouring the feel of your skin after so long. 

“Hi Lewis, nice to see you.” 

You were polite in your greeting, convincing enough that despite being in close proximity to you, you knew there was no way he nor the women you had been speaking with had any idea that every nerve in your body stood on edge. 

“I was just telling someone about you, I said they had to meet you. Ladies, do you mind if I borrow her attention for just a moment?” 

The charm had never left him, still with a protective hand on the small of your back, a hand that held you as if he was scared you would disappear, he addressed the question to your company who of course were more than happy to let you leave with him, much to your annoyance. 

“Follow me.” 

Lewis led you through the groups of people who paid neither of you any mind. Navigating the huge house as if it was his own, he led you to a room down the hallway, a room that was empty with his deceit, a room that held no one but the tension that hung in the air between you both. 

“So where is this person I have to meet?” 

You knew already he had lied to you, yet you needed to hear him admit to it, for once. 

“You know there isn’t a person, you know I wanted to get you alone.” 

The hand that had been on the small of your back now stroked your cheek as he stood just an inch from you, so close in fact you could feel the warmth of his breath tickle your skin as your gaze locked onto his as if he had you in a trance that was too powerful for you to break away from. 

“W-why?”

Your voice broke with a stutter of nerves as you waited for an answer you were not even sure you were prepared for.

“It has been so long, so so long, I just needed to see you.”

His answer, although full of words, was empty of reasoning. It did nothing to satisfy your question, he told you more by the way he stroked your cheek in a hypnotic rhythm than he had done with his answer. 

“You could see me in there, with everyone, why here…why alone?”

There was bravery surrounding your words. So much hurt, so much pain had come from knowing the man that stood just before you, it had taken you a decade to heal, ten whole years for you to find the woman you were outside of Lewis, being alone in the room with him, asking for his intentions with you, was the most dangerous of all territories, yet you did nothing to protect yourself; you were always defenceless against him. 

“Because alone…I can do this…” 

He kissed you, barely. His lips against yours as if he was scared to hurt you with his desire. His hand held your cheek as still as time as you allowed yourself to be kissed. There was no movement, there was nothing but the connection of your lips, yet the force that ran through you was so powerful you worried your knees might collapse.

“No…no…stop…” 

The words fell off your lips without a thought from you, as if your body was speaking for your poisoned mind, you moved away from him to finally break free from the spell he seemed to hold you under for the past five minutes. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I just-” 

“What are you doing, Lewis? This is so wrong.” 

The tone of your voice was riddled with disappointment, the look on your face told him of all of the thoughts of regret of having come to the event that night, running through your mind. 

“How can kissing you ever be wrong?” 

As he inched closer to you, you stepped back, a gradual movement that would carry on for the entirety of your conversation, or as far as the space lasted. 

“You’re married, Lewis. What we had was in the past, you’re someone's husband now, you’re nothing of mine.”

His smile was devious, a smile born from you reminding him of his marital status and grown from his disdain for it. 

“You’re wrong, you know.” 

He stepped towards you once, you stepped back twice more, eager to keep a distance from him, knowing that you were never strong enough to resist his touch twice. 

“Is this where you’re going to try and convince me that you are getting a divorce so we can rekindle against the wall and then tomorrow I see pictures of you both together looking as loved up as ever?” 

His smile turned into a smirk as he heard how the thought of him taking you up against a wall had crossed your mind too. As smug as ever, the darkness of his eyes bore into you as he paused to let you bask in that thought for a moment, he needed you to think of him fondly, and he remembered how very fond you were of his ability to drive you to the very depths of pleasure. 

“No. I’m not divorced, not yet. You were wrong when you said I am nothing of yours, I have always been yours, silly.” 

It was hard to tell which was more prominent, your head shaking or your eye roll, but your disdain for his words was loud and clear.

“Maybe ten years ago I might have fallen for your lies, but not now. I am many things, Lewis, but I will never be a homewrecker.” 

This time he took two steps towards you as he processed your words, allowing them to hang in the air as he thought of his next sentence, his craving to be closer to you was almost overwhelming for him now, ignoring all the signs of you not wanting to be near him, he moved towards you as if he was powerless against it. 

“There is no home to wreck, and besides, you wrecked it a long time ago.”

It was in anger that you moved back now, how dare he blame you for yet another failed relationship? You hadn’t spoken to him in a decade. 

The way in which you fell back onto the desk was violent, matching your mood, you scowled at the man who still held the same smirk on his face, the man that watched you sit pretty on the desk as if presenting yourself for him, a man that had finally found the power to stay right where he was stood. 

“Please tell me how exactly I had anything to do with your marriage failing, Lewis?”

He could hear the vitriol in your voice, he could almost feel all of the pain he had caused you; he wanted to taste all of the ways you hated him in that moment.

“Because I could never get over you.” 

There was no mistaking now that the eye roll you gave him as you stood up, was the loudest thing in the room, possibly the building. 

“Whatever Lewis, I am done with hearing your bullshit tonight.” 

It was pure desperation that made his reactions as fast as lightning, stopping you from moving anywhere Lewis held your wrist until your feigned fight diminished and your gaze once again locked on to his. 

“The night you left was the worst night of my life, losing you is my biggest regret. Shit, why do you even think you were invited tonight?”  

“All the work I have done with the brand over the years maybe? Asshole.” 

“No no, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…Shit I am so bad at this. Please, give me just five more minutes of your time and then if you still want to leave I promise you will never have to see me again.” 

The plea in his eyes was pitiful yet you knew there wasn’t a single part of you that would refuse; you wanted to hear what he had to say and so you sat right back on the desk behind you. 

“Three minutes.” 

The softening of his face when he realised he had a chance told you of how sorry he was. 

“I told them to invite you, I told them that the only way I would sign another two year deal with them would be if they invited you tonight.” 

“Why?” 

There was no kindness in your voice now, your irritability was palpable, yet he was not about to let that knock his confidence. 

“Because I am done pretending like you are not the love of my life.”

“Lewis-” 

He barely let his name fall off of your tongue before he interrupted you, not prepared to waste a second of the time you had granted him. 

“It was always you, don’t you get it? No matter how much I denied it, no matter how many women I distracted myself with, it was always you. The truth is I know that too much time has passed for us to be anything of what we were, and I am not asking you to come back, but I need you to know that it’s you, that it has always been you, that it will always be you.” 

The silence was suffocating, the eye contact was choking, yet neither one of you dared to speak another word. You knew you should leave, you knew that ten years worth of healing was not worth losing for one paragraph that should have been said many years ago, but your body failed to move.

You hadn’t noticed it because he was so sly with it, yet Lewis had moved to just in front of you once more, his hand cupping your chin to pull your lips up to meet him once more.

This time you didn’t pull away, this time you kissed him back as if his confession was a code that had unlocked the want of a lifetime within you, you kissed him with all of the might you missed him with. 

There was a hunger, a passion, that drove the both of you to be so reckless with your movements. Lewis’ hands fell to your thighs as if they had never left them, wrapping your legs around his waist he pressed into you to remind you of the very part of him you had never been able to replace.

It was only when your fingertips traced down his clothed abs that he felt permission had been granted to take things further with you. Pulling away from your hungry lips, lips that sought his immediately, he satisfied them with a whisper of words for a moment.

“Can I?”

He need not explain what permission he was seeking, you felt the way his fingers danced around the lace seam of your panties, begging you to say yes. 

You said not a word out loud, instead you reached for the back of his head, pulling his lips back to yours to tell him exactly what he longed to hear without uttering a single word. 

That was the thing about time, it didn’t matter how much of it had passed, nor did it matter how many others you had both tried to fill it with, the very moment he was inside of you once more, you felt a peace you hadn’t felt since the last time he was there. 

There was nothing romantic about the way you fucked, there was nothing sweet, tender nor soft, it was raw, it was passionate, it was natural, as natural as taking a breath was. You fit around him as if you were made for each other, and the satisfied moans that left both of your lips with every thrust told of a decade of longing, a decade of unfulfillment, a decade of knowing that the other half of you was seeking solace inside someone so ill fit for the role. 

That was the thing about time, no amount of it passing could take away the feeling that comes from being with the person who was made for you. As Lewis fucked you on the desk you felt a euphoria unmatched, even the anxious thought of what was to come for you both the second he pulled out of you, could do nothing to reduce the high.

The truth was it was always Lewis too, and you knew it always would be. 

[dyns33]

Hours of Idleness

Lord Byron x Reader 

I said, I did. Even if I still have to watch the movie. 

When Mary had invited her to join her  and some friends during their stay at Lord Byron's place, Y/N had hesitated.

The man had a certain reputation. There were a lot of rumours about what was going on in his mansion.

At the same time, Y/N didn't often get the chance to visit a Lord's mansion, or spend time with her dear friend Mary. Even though she didn't approve of all her life choices, like seeing a married man, she liked her very much, she liked their conversations.

Y/N was also very fond of the works of Lord Byron. So it seemed obvious to think that spending a few days at his house would be at least interesting, if it wasn't too outrageous.

As soon as she arrived, she wondered if she had made the right decision.

Lord Byron came towards them with a furious air, before kissing Mr Shelley.

On the mouth.

He did the same with Mary and Claire, before turning to Y/N.

           "Another lovely lady who doesn't smile. I'm going to have to get that sunshine out of that sweet face."

           "Nice to meet you, Lord Byron." she said, keeping a neutral face, as she had been taught.

           "Oh, my dear. The pleasure is all mine."

Although it was the first time they had met, he also kissed her, quickly, as if that was perfectly normal, before inviting them inside.

There might still be time to get back in the carriage and go home.

But Y/N was curious. Also fascinated by the places, the atmosphere, the stories. And the man.

Even though he was as eccentric as the rumours claimed, the kiss was the only insane thing he did in her presence. The rest of the time, probably drinking a little too much and speaking far too frankly, he talked about poetry, beauty, freedom and love.

His eyes sparkled when he recited verses, his laughter echoed throughout the room, and he sometimes turned to Y/N with a huge smile.

The fact that she still wasn't smiling seemed to bother him as much as amuse him. He spent several hours trying to break through what he called her shell.

What he didn't seem to understand was that the more time she spent with him, the more Y/N really found him charming, and that scared her very much, because the man wasn't someone serious or constant.

In her humble opinion, despite his grand speeches, he knew nothing about love. About freedom, yes, as he claimed so well, displaying a remarkable open-mindedness, being infatuated with men as much as women, seeing them as equals, not paying attention to their social rank, their skin, their body. He spent entire nights with one or more lovers, nights full of desire and passion.

But that wasn't love.

For Y/N, love was pure, and deep, and far too complex to attach to more than one object at the same time. She respected that he didn't want to get married, and that he wanted to have fun, but she couldn't stand him repeating that he was writing about love.

Probably the fact that she hadn't succeeded in not loving him didn't help her annoyance.

She dared to tell him during one of his parties, when he was talking about writing a sonnet for a man he had only seen once, whose name he did not even know, but who had capsized his heart.

           "What are you saying, beautiful lady with the invisible smile ?" he asked, chuckling.

           "I'm saying you don't know anything about love."

           "And you do ? A little bird told me that you don't have much experience in this field."

           "Your little bird is knowledgeable, but we're not talking about the same thing. I don't need to share a bed to know love."

           "My dear, what audacity."

           "As always, you do not listen. I have loved and I love with an ardent love. An eternal love, stronger than anything you have ever experienced, because I see beings as they are, and I can no longer be without them. Their absence is torture, finding them is a joy. To see them happy is all I wish in the world, even if it is not with me. You love bodies, and ideas, and feelings, but you don't get to the bottom of things, ever. You claim that you do, but the surface is enough for you. You're afraid of the abyss, or you're not even aware of their existence."

Lord Byron did not answer. Even though he tried to hide it, her speech had visibly upset him and Y/N went to bed wondering if she had forever ruined her chances of being close to him.

But that didn't really matter, since she would never have been anything more than a new lover, a little passion before the next ones.

Unable to sleep, she went to the library in the middle of the night. As she had found a story you never read and was walking back to her room, holding a candle in one hand and the book in the other, she heard a noise coming from the bottom of the stairs.

Turning and looking down, she then saw Lord Byron. He looked at her strangely, as if she were a ghost. No doubt he hadn't expected to find her here at this hour, in her dressing gown.

To prevent the situation from becoming awkward, she decided to pretend he wasn't there and continued on her way, returning to her bed.

The following days, the guests were all surprised by the absence of their host, who apologized saying that he was indisposed and that he had to be left alone, asking them to have fun without him and not to worry.

When he finally returned, it was to announce that he had just written several poems and stories that he hastened to share with them.

           "My friend." said Mr. Shelley after finishing his reading. "If I didn't know you well, I would dare to say that you are in love."

           "So you don't know me so well, because not only am I, but I have met Love, the real one, with a capital L, Love incarnated."

           "What do you mean  ?" wondered Claire.

           "I was wandering among dead stars, lost in this cold world, when suddenly a light caught my attention. I looked up, and there she was, her eyes piercing me, watching my soul and stealing my heart. Her white dress, slightly transparent under the effect of the moon, her face lit by a pale candle, enveloped by her undone hair, and a book resting on her heart. How not to love her ? All that was missing was a smile, a sweet smile, that she refused me again, because she knew that I did not deserve it, because before that night I had pretended to know her. I saw her now, and I had to write, inspired by so much beauty and perfection, which prevented her from falling asleep until I have created a work worthy of her."

Nobody dared to comment on what he had just said, everyone understanding who he was talking about, preferring not to stare at Y/N to not embarrassed her. Lord Byron didn't seem to share this thought, uttering a cry of joy and throwing his arms in the sky when he saw her, hidden in a corner of the room.

           "Here she us ! Love !" he said, coming to kneel in front of her. "Oh, I'm not asking you for anything Madam, not even a smile. I won't even dare to touch you, but let me write on your behalf and lay poems on your altar."

           "I can't tell if you've lost your mind or having a laugh."

           "Never !" he said touching her thigh, already forgetting his promise not to touch her. "I love you."

           "Do you at least remember my name ?"

           "But what is a name ? Shakespeare has proven it, it has nothing to do with love. I read your eyes, I perceived your outlines and now I see you."

           "Shakespeare wrote about two children who wanted to escape a cruel reality, and who couldn't stop until it was too late. I beg you to be smarter than them."

Lord Byron did not listen to her plea, continuing to write, dedicating all his works to his beloved Y/N for long months, long after she had left his home. He also wrote her many letters, which she tried to ignore and to which she only replied out of politeness, trying to forget what she had felt for this man, and maybe was still feeling.

It helped her to repeat to herself that he didn't mean what he was saying. He was driven by a new madness, a fad. That she didn't give in to him easily was supposed to keep the flame going, but he would grow weary whether she fell into his arms or not.

The difference was that if she fell, she would regret it all her life, whereas if she resisted, her honour as well as her heart would be safe.

He visited her one day, without being invited of course, nor having asked for an invitation.

           "I missed you, my sweet unsmiling muse. I needed to see you, and talk to you. I want you to know that it's fine if you never love me. It drives me to despair, but I can understand that a being like me cannot arouse such feelings in you."

Maybe she could, or should, have used this moment to silence his so-called love forever, and set them both free. But poor Lord Byron looked so sad, so tired, that she couldn't hold her tongue.

           "I never said that I didn't love you."

           "What are you saying ? I dare not believe what I'm hearing. Please, don't play me."

           "I would never do such a thing. I said that you don't know anything about love, and I can say that's the truth. I know you, I've read all your writings, I've watched you, I know your humour, your kindness, your intelligence, failings, doubts, fears, your hands which tremble when you drink too much and touch a lover's skin, in order to forget that you are only a boy in a world too big for him, full of unanswered questions, which pushes him towards the void and of which he tries to fill with his fantasies. Your last writings... I think you sincerely believe that you love me. But it's not serious. You'll get tired, as always, and soon you'll be writing poems for someone else. You love what I represent in your mind, while I love you, even if you're a idiot."

The Lord swore she was wrong, that he would love her forever and never write for anyone else again.

Despite his tears and his beautiful phrases, Y/N still refused to believe him, asking him to leave her house and getting up to retire to her room.

           "Marry me !" he said then, throwing himself at her feet.

           "Do you really think marriage is a good thing for love ?"

           "Honestly ? I think it doesn't really matter, if the love is true. And I truly love you. Even if you don't marry me, I will love you. Even if we were apart, I will love you. Even if you marry someone else, I will love you. Even if I slept with the whole world, I will love you. Even in the grave, I will love you. My heart is yours. With marriage, everyone would know that, as they would know that you are mine. And if I were to die, you would be safe from any needs."

           "Possessiveness and money. So romantic."

           "But I don't care about any of that ! I know you don't either. I love you and I will love you forever, don't you understand ? I can still see you, during that night, beautiful, and I can't think of anything else. Yes, I had lovers in the past, to whom I spoke of love, but I was blind. I like danger, yes. I like difficulty, and challenge. I like also not to hurt others, and I will never force anyone to share my bed. I have always mourned the death of my feelings. But you ! I know that I will love you until the end, no matter what."

           "I can see you mean every word." she said, kissing him on the forehead, before leaning into his lips, returning the kiss he had given her when they first met. Because even if he was not constant, Lord Byron was not a liar.

           "Will you marry me ? Do you really love me ?"

In response, Y/N smiled at him. He then made a strange face, stopping to breathe for a moment, getting up by putting a hand on his heart, as if he was going to feel faint.

           "What is it again ?" she sighed, still smiling, accustomed to his eccentricities.

           "I didn't think it was possible. I didn't think I could love you more. But what a glorious sight. What radiant majesty. I've imagined that smile for so long and nothing compares to it. You've robbed me of this wonder all this time, I am hurt by it my dear. Oh, give me that smile again, please."

This made her laugh, and with teary eyes, half joking, the Lord continued his speech, declaring that her laughter was the most melodious sound in the world, which he had never had the chance to hear before, and that he had to take leave immediately to write an ode to this new music.

           "You are insane." laughed Y/N.

           "Insane for you, no doubt, Lady Byron."

           "Not yet."

           "In my heart, for a very long time, and forever."

And as he walked away after kissing her finger where her wedding ring would soon be, Y/N looked at him, unable to stop smiling.  

[lesbiangallagher]

my great aunt passed recently ;—-;

my great aunt passed away and she lived to be 99, with only 2 months away from her 100th bday. also side note the way most everyone in my family lives til their 100s lmao. i know two ladies who passed away at 101. honestly it’s incredible to me. my mom’s side of the family is extremely women-driven, like i cannot name all of the cousins my mom has but i sure do know they all went to the same all girls school lol slay queens we out here

but yeah my great aunt was the best tbh. she was always so incredibly kind to me even when my parents would drag me to spend 10 hours at my cousins’ house when i clearly did not want to be there and even when i was obviously weird and emo, she always said i was so beautiful and smart and if there was anyone who prayed, it was her. she always prayed for me, she would tell me lol i would hold hands with her as she told me stories about my mom when she was younger and it always humanized my mom in a way that i was like “omg my mom and i are extremely alike and idk what to do with that information but lash out more” but my great aunt was always so patient and listened to me too. she was just that person who loved everyone in a room, like kind of no matter what. my older cousin and i are the only two out gay people in this branch of the family and he’s feeling it. even my sister is feeling it too! and my sister is a tough nut to crack but she was always so endeared by her and she was, again, SO kind. in a room full of judgmental catholic ladies, my great aunt was always the nice catholic lady lol she would give everyone and i mean EVERYONE in the room a blessing before they left to go home. she would literally spend 1 hour giving everyone blessings as they leave and i still remember what she used to say because it was the same thing every time. i wrote it down in my notes and i will not share it because im crying as im typing this and i should take my corny ass home. yes im on my period again

and she would hold your hand while saying it and do the sign on the cross on you too. her hands were always very soft

damn i haven’t felt this hit by a a family member passing in a while. maybe it’s my period or the state of the world and maybe it’s this other unrelated awful piece of news that hit the community round my parts hard or overall just exhaustion from being mentally ill.

it’s hard not to wallow but i have to keep it moving. i recognize that i can still process many emotions at once and i know that i’m resilient, time and time again. i have a good support system that knows me and cares for me and i have to keep it moving. i help kids on a daily basis and they count on me to keep it moving. we out here y’all it’s that time of year where everything kind of turns into a blur for adults lol but i think we will make it out just fine…grieving can exist at the same time as being thankful and happy while i’m doing my thing…

oof yeah idk that turned into a lot but i’m glad i got the words out there. i felt them jumbling in my head all morning but i feel so much better now. might delete might not but whatever. i love you tumblr diary 🤍

[sugaakookiee]

To Theo Sharpe, With Love | one |

Paring: Eloise Bridgerton x Theo Sharpe

Genre: Regency

Word Count: 2.3K

(it's pretty much the same as it was when uploaded before, just edited here and there)

Lots had occurred during the season of 1814. From Eloise's debut to the Viscount's wedding, the season was eventful for the Bridgertons. But the season wasn't as eventful as Eloise's journeys to see the printer's apprentice, Theo Sharpe.

Eloise met him while searching for information on Lady Whistledown in Chancery Lane. She had found the printer shop where her scandal sheets came from and met with a boy near her age.

"Tell me what you know of her." She said to the boy, who was trying to do his job.

"I think you might be lost." 

"I think you're evading my question."

"You never asked me a question."

Is this boy challenging her? How dare he?

"Has it never occurred to you that I'm here to find the writer to discuss intellectual matters? Like the rights of a woman, the exploration of her mind."

Theo was unable to do anything but let her speak her piece.

So, it's women's rights that she wants. Theo could help her with that.

"This is not-"

"If women's rights are what you're after, then perhaps that is what you need to be reading."

He left Eloise flabbergasted. She even had to give him a second look when he entered his shop. This was one of, if not the only, time someone had an interest the same as hers.

Eloise was so enthralled with the pamphlet he let her have, much so that she attended a radical event noted on the sheet and had no problem approaching him, rather than rejecting his hand as she did to many other men.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Eloise. I'm Theo Sharpe."

"I know."

"You know?"

The pair had no problem sharing their feminist ideologies and seemingly enjoyed each other's company. Sometimes, the two would read to each other no matter if it was novels, short stories, or radical pamphlets. It did not matter to them.

The unimagined came when Eloise ended their friendship because the woman she praised ruined it. Her best friend, Penelope, as Lady Whistledown turned on Eloise and shared her meetings with her friend, Theo.

The last words Theo told Eloise were, "You can go back to your life, and I can go back to mine...best of luck." It made it seem like the boy never wanted to see her again.

"I ended my friendship with Theo because of you!" She yelled at her backstabbing friend, "One of the only good things in my life! Because of your self-serving manipulation!"

Even though she didn't feel like it was, Eloise carried the melancholy of heartbreak.

Why would it be heartbreak if there wasn't a heart to break?

Three years had passed by, though, as they were nothing. From the marriage of Colin and Penelope and the marriage of Benedict and Sophie, Eloise started to feel lonely.

Her best friend, who she had reconciled with, was off living the married life, and her favorite brother, Benedict, was starting to live it. Eloise felt like she had nobody to talk to, as nobody would give her the time to listen to her political beliefs or stories she liked.

Then news came that Penelope's cousin, Marina, had passed away due to an aggressive illness. As far as Eloise knew, Marina left behind a child, and her husband, Sir Philip Crane. 

Despite not knowing Marina or Sir Philip well, Eloise thought it wouldn't hurt to send her condolences through a letter. She knew how depressing it was to lose someone, just as her mother lost her father. 

That one letter turned into many within a few months. Eloise could never think of a person who could talk about plants more than Philip, a botanist. Though if she needed to be honest, all the plant talk bored her sometimes and made her question if she wanted to continue replying to his letters.

Her mama, Violet, insisted she should, "A grieving person always needs a friend." She told her daughter.

Eloise thought the correspondence would be like any other but soon was shocked. The letter was about how much Sir Philip wanted to meet Eloise, despite writing to each other for a few short months.

Eloise shared with her mama about the letter, and Lady Bridgerton thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get her daughter a suitor, as she had been reluctant to have one.

Eloise and her mother immediately got on a carriage and saw Sir Philip.

"Go on, Eloise. Let me know how it goes when you return." Her mother said. 

Her coachman, John, opened the carriage door for Eloise, and she hopped down to the ground.

Eloise faced back to her mother, shaking her head, hoping she would have a change of mind, but she didn't. Her mother motioned her to go on to the front door.

"Mama, don't you think it would be wise for you to accompany me? I don't want to be perceived as scandalous." Eloise would do whatever she could so she wouldn't have to go inside.

"I'm sure there are many a maid to be a chaperone. I trust you respect yourself. I'll be here when you return." Violet, Lady Bridgerton, finished with a small smile and motioned her to go to the door.

Finally, she gave in. She approached the front door and knocked on it. It didn't take long for a maid to open the door, "Yes, Miss?" She said.

"I'm here to see Sir Philip. I’m Eloise Bridgerton.” 

The maid moves aside to open to door wider to let Eloise in, "I will let him know that you're here." She says before she runs off.

She felt nervous. This is the first time she meets Philip, and she is alone, without her mother's support or surveillance. 

"Miss Bridgerton," She heard. There he was, with a smile on his face, as if he had been waiting his whole life to meet her. "You're here."

"Yes. My mama thought today would be the perfect day for me to meet you, so…" she trailed off.

"Let me show you around, yes?" Philip said, stretching out his arm towards her.

Eloise walks to him and, very uncomfortably, lets him rest his hand on her back, guiding her.

It all seemed normal until they entered a room where Philip's two children resided. Eloise was aware that Marina was with a child before she left, no thanks to Lady Whistledown, but she did not know they had two children.

"Miss Bridgerton, these are my children, Oliver and Amanda. It's been hard to raise them now that Marina has passed. They still needed a mother in their life. They're still so young."

"Yes, that is very unfortunate," Eloise said. She was a bit confused as to why Philip wanted to meet her and why he was showing her around and telling her that his children still needed a mother.

They had returned to the main room, and Philip had suggested Eloise stay just a little longer for tea, but Eloise thought the opposite.

"You see, Sir Philip, my mama is waiting outside, and I think I should-" 

"Before you go, I'd like to ask you something." Philip interrupted her, "You see, you are getting older and-"

"I'm one and 20. I do not consider that old."

"And you are not getting any younger." Philip stepped before Eloise, a little too close for comfort, "And I would like to ask you if you would marry me." He went into his coat pocket and pulled out a diamond ring.

"Wait, you asked me to come to your house just to ask me to marry you?"

"Well, yes. I thought with our letters we made a connection."

"You thought. If you read what I wrote, you would know I have no interest in marriage. And you thought using your children would make me think otherwise. To speak truthfully, sometimes I got bored with your letters and wondered if I should respond. I feel sorry for you and your children, but the life you want me to live isn't for me. I do wish you the best, Sir Philip."

Eloise was on her way to the front door, but she had to leave Philip with one more comment before she could leave.

"And by the way, I hate diamonds." With that, she left his home and went to the carriage her mother was in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, what did Sir Philip tell you, my dear? You seemed quiet on the way back." Violet asked Eloise. She had not spoken in the carriage, which worried her mother.

"Nothing, mama," Eloise said without looking up from her book. "Nothing of importance."

"When do you plan on seeing him again?" Violet said with a smile, hoping her daughter would reciprocate it.

"Never. I don't want to see him ever again." The smile on Violet's face slowly faded away.

"What happened, Eloise? What did he say to make you so upset?"

In frustration, Eloise put her book down. "Sir Philip asked me to marry him. He assumed that I would agree with no issue. He wanted me to marry, so I cared for his children. That is not me, mama. I do not wish for that kind of life."

Her mother's face softened, "Oh, I know, my lovely." Violet went to her daughter's side and hugged her. "You know I've always told you if you are going to marry, marry only for love and nothing else."

But there was nobody there who Eloise loved enough to potentially marry, well, nobody that was part of the Ton.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eloise found herself in her favorite spot of the house, the swings. As a child, whenever she felt upset about something, she would sit on one of the swings and ponder, and she never grew out of the habit. Sometimes it was her place to have a secret smoke or two.

Today, she needed a well-deserved smoke, not caring if anybody saw her.

It wasn't long before she could feel a presence behind her, and she knew exactly who it was.

"Please, Benedict, I'm getting too old to be disciplined."

A chuckle is heard, "Can't get you anymore, can I?" It wasn't long before he sat in the swing next to Eloise.

"Mother told me about what happened. You almost fell into the bizarre world of marriage." Benedict was pulling her leg, as he never thought his marriage was dreadful, but Eloise was not in the mood.

"What are you even doing here, Benedict? Shouldn't you be off enjoying your marriage?"

"Well, of course, but who would I be if I didn't visit my favorite sister."

Benedict reached out his hand, clearly wanting the box of cigarettes Eloise had in her hand, which she had given him.

He lit his cigarette, inhaling and exhaling the smoke, before talking again, "And you wouldn't mind telling your favorite brother about what's wrong with his little sister?"

Eloise sighed, annoyed, "Perhaps my sympathy does not get far, Ben. That's all that I felt for that man. I felt sorry that Miss Thompson died. It reminded me of how mother was when papa died."

"Are you sure that's all you felt?"

"What?"

"If I remember correctly, sister, you looked completely heartbroken for a while." 

Not this again 

"Whatever happened three years ago, you were not you for months. You were always in bed. You always wanted to be alone. Sometimes, you only ate part of the day. Please tell me why, sister."

"Do you wish to know?" 

"Would I ask if I didn't want to know?" 

Damn, he's right 

Eloise sighs, "He was called Theo Sharpe. He worked as an apprentice at a print shop in Bloomsbury."

"He?" Benedict said in a surprised tone.

"Yes, he. At that time, I considered him a friend, one of the few things I considered good. He listened to me, as many others have, rather than throwing my concerns aside. Do you recall when Lady Whistledown wrote that I was conspiring with political radicals? That was Theo."

"And how did this Theo break your heart exactly?"

"He believed that someone like me couldn't know someone like him. That I was too privileged to understand his difficulties. He said I was only friends with him so I could better about my unending advantages. Which is fair since I hurt him. I told him we couldn't meet after he," She took a pause, "tried to kiss me."

This set Benedict off, "He tried to kiss you?!"

"Hush, Benedict! Someone will hear you. Yes, he did, but what would you think of me if I also said I wanted to? Would you think of me as scandalous or impure?"

"No." Benedict says, "I wouldn't think of you in such a way. I'd think if have asked yourself if you ever felt in love?"

"In love?" She shakes her head, "don't be ridiculous."

"Sister, I know what being in love feels like when I see it. Were you in love with this apprentice?"

"I've had enough of this," Eloise gets off the swing she was sitting on and throws her cigarette on the floor, stepping on it.

"Eloise, there is no shame in admitting you have fallen for someone, even if it is someone with less conventional means. Even if you admit it to yourself, it is another thing to do something about it, so do it."

A moment of silence occurs before Eloise pats Benedict on his shoulder, "You are getting wiser in your old age, brother." She said before leaving her brother.

"Wait, did you call me old?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eloise had spent the last 10 minutes circling in her room, trying to figure out what to do.

It had been three years since she talked to Theo, and it would put them in an uncomfortable situation. She considered visiting him, but it was very late, and he might be out of the shop now.

"Eloise, there is no shame in admitting you have fallen for someone, even someone with less fortunate means."

Is that what she felt? Did she fall in love with Theo despite not seeing him for three years?

If she is not ready to see him in person, she does the only thing she can. She grabbed a sheet of paper, a quill, and some ink, sat on her desk and started to write.

To Theo Sharpe, With Love.

[illmindchatter]

Returned Favor

It's a typical Atlanta Friday. Nothing glamorous. I took the day off to recover from an intense four days of negotiations and closing a major deal that blew out my quota for the quarter. I'm feeling like a Corporate Silverback- a beast in my career field- and things couldn't be going any better professionally. My girl is out of town and my weekend is free of responsibilities. Trying to figure out what I'm going to get into, I figured I'd straighten up the crib. Living such a washed up life to say the least.

We have this mutual friend named P. P is a stud who doesn't believe in not shooting her shot. If shooters shoot, nigga she's Kobe F. Jordan... the F standing for Fucking. P met a lady at the pool in our subdivision a few months back. I assume she was leaving from the neighbor's house and saw my car outside and decided to stop.

P came in, asked about my girl, and ended up on the couch with me while I was finishing folding clothes... the boring shit. We're shooting the shit and, never one to miss an opportunity to gloat, P says she was leaving from Pool Lady's house and noticed I was home. I took the bait and asked about her. Just like I figured, P wasted no time and spared no detail as she went on and on about how she ate her pussy until she came all over her face and how she fucked her with the strap. Typical nigga shit.

P is medium height, around 5'6", really petite, and has big titties but she wears a lot of baggy shit so it's hard to see her figure. I caught her sagging a few times, enough to notice she has a nice firm but round ass that she tries to hide. Listen, she's the homie BUT I still recognize her as a woman so her shape doesn't go unnoticed. All of that asside, the woman she met at the pool is taller and significantly thicker than P. I fucked with her by saying how that woman probably broke her in half and how she couldn't handle all of those curves on that woman. She kind of smirked and rolled her eyes. Seeing past my attempt to jab at her ego, she started flicking through channels on the TV and mumbled under her breath "I wish."

I had to pry a little bit and ask what she meant by that comment. She went on to explain how she always did all the work and how the woman was more of the pillow princess type and rarely returned the favor. She would never use the strap on P and just barely ate her out. Even getting fingered was just as rare. She was tired of being the woman's "little gay fetish" and wished she returned the favor sometimes. 

"Welcome to life as a nigga!" I replied.

She laughed but said niggas aren't any better.

"Bullshit." I told her how niggas love eating pussy and returning the favor and how women forget that. "My girl is gone for the weekend and left me backed up because she has been on her period all week. At least you got some. I'm over here, dick dry as fuck!"

We both got a good laugh and kind of let the conversation die on its own. No need to stir up something neither one of us was prepared to deal with.

I couldn't help but ask though, "what does my neighbor taste like?" I'd be lying if I said she didn't catch my attention that day at the pool. I could only sneak glances as my girl was at with me and P but I definitely remember this woman was stacked. She had to be around 5'11" or 6 feet. Her hair was styled in a pixie cut, black with strands of gray. She wore large framed glasses that hid her eyes but her lips were plump like she sucked the skin off her husband's dick. I seen him around a few times and could only wonder how they fuck he was able to keep, let alone bag, and stallion like that. She had huge double D cup breast that I could tell were natural. Her areola would spill from the cups of her bikini top causing her to adjust multiple times that day. She carried a little extra weight around her waist and visible stretch marks around her stomach, one could only assume were from pregnancy. Her hips spread and she carried the fattest ass that chewed up her bikini bottoms. They weren't thong bottoms but you wouldn't be able to tell if you weren't studying this woman like I was trying to. Even my girl made a couple comments in admiration for this woman's build. She was stacked with thick thighs, well pedicured toes and white toenail polish to tie it all together.

"She definitely takes care of herself," P said snapping me out of my daze. "She's always well put together, smells nice, and her skin is always smooth to the touch. She gets waxed regularly too."

"That explains it! She probably doesn't return the favor because you don't wax P!" I said half jokingly.

P fired back, "how you figure I don't wax my shit?"

"I just assumed Studs do what niggas do. Grab the clippers and trim that shit!" I said ignorantly.

"Nah nigga. I get my shit waxed too. My homegirl from high school do it and lick my shit clean when she done."

I lost it. Shit was hilarious! I told her I didn't believe her and to let me see.

"Nigga don't be weird."

I wasn't serious... just mildly curious.

Later that day, P and I decided to step out to find something to eat. We usually sit at the bar most places and talk shit. Louisiana Bistreaux was the move that night. P wanted to grab a shower before we left (typical P, making my house her home minus the bills and other household responsibilities). I needed to clean up as well. I had a remodeling project going on in the hallway bathroom so P had to use the shower in my room after I got done.

I could hear the shower running so I dropped my towel, sit on the edge of the bed and began lotioning my body. I thought I was in the clear since I assumed P was in the shower so I took the liberty to revisit the thoughts of my thick ass neighbor spread over my bed begging for me to dive in. I give my rock hard dick extra attention as I use the lotion to glide up and down my rigid pole as I thought about plunging inside my neighbor's plump, glistening pussy. Suddenly, the door swings open with P asking for a wash cloth. Fuck! I didn't expect her to open the door and sure she wasn't expecting to catch me on the bed, dick on hard sticking straight, and me stroking my shit! I know she caught me because she slammed the door and kept apologizing. I didn't really give a fuck. I had been horny all week and in need of a release. There was part of me that found this situation quite funny. I got up, grabbed her a wash cloth and towel, and took it to her in the nude and dick swanging. She called me crazy, took the towel, and closed the bathroom door in my face. I noticed her eyes never left my dick though. I also noticed she didn't lock the door.

I waited until I heard her get in the shower and start to wash off. I gave it a little more time until I figured she was almost done and walked I'm the bathroom. My shower is glass enclosed and I could make out her figure through the steam and water on the shower door. I was still naked and dick semi hard and she seen me approaching.

"Bro, what are you doing? Get out!"

"Come on P. You seen my shit already. Let me see yours."

"Nigga, what?"

"You said your girl hooks you up on the regular... let me see!"

P smacked her teeth, paused, then replied, "If I show you, you'll get out?"

"Only if you want me to," I said with a smirk, dick starting to stiffen.

As P opened the shower door, she propped her leg on the shower bench revealing a beautiful, slick, meaty pussy. Her lips were thick and full, one of her labia minora longer than the other, and her clit was huge. It came out from under her clit hood and it was a bright pink. It looked like the tip of someone's thumb. My dick throbbed as I watched her spread her pussy and run those same two fingers over her clit and through the trimmed bush of her landing strip before closing the shower door and commanding me to get out.

I felt intoxicated. All I could think about was wrapping my lips around her engorged clit and sucking it. Is this how women feel when they desire to suck a dick??? Fuck. I'm trippin!

Reluctantly, I got dressed and waited for P to get out of the bathroom. I threw on some light blue jeans, a white short sleeve button up, and sprayed my neck and wrist with Tom Ford Oud Wood. That's when P came emerged from the bathroom dressed in some black skinny fit men's jeans and a fitted black tee and gave me this weird look.

I made my way back into the bathroom to oil my beard while P hung out in the room. We sat in an awkward silence until I decided to break the ice.

"Ol' girl tripping if she seen that pussy and didn't want to eat it. Couldn't have been me!"

"The fuck you mean bro?"

"I'm just saying. The pussy you showed me would've gotten devoured. That clit looked too good to pass up."

"Man you trippin. Niggas can't eat pussy. Besides, women like it when I tell them to suck this dick since my clit big. You ain't ready for that lol."

I felt like she tried me with that one. "Pull that dick out then and let's see."

She paused for a minute, debating whether to make a move. She saw my eye contact didn't waiver so she stood up and pulled her pants down. She wasn't wearing any underwear and her clit was sticking out.

The silence was deafening.

"Yeah. All I see is a clit and a fat pussy that would get wrecked."

"Yeah right bro. Issa dick. Just like I figured, you ain't ready."

I turned to her, pulled my dick out and replied "THIS is a dick. That's a clit. And I'll suck it until you bust."

She tried to play it cool and pull her pants back up and I asked her what she was doing.

"Putting my pants back on because you bullshitting."

"Nah, leave them off and sit on the bed." My towel was still on the edge of the bed so she sat on it.

As I walked over to her, I told her to let me get a closer look. She spread her legs but was still sitting upright. As I approached, dick fully erect, I told her to take off her shirt and lay back. She laid there in front of me in a sports bra and her jeans bunched around her ankles. I got on my knees, removing each leg from her pants until shr just laid there in a sports bra as i slid my hands up her smooth legs.

"You want me to suck your dick?" I asked.

"Please."

For the first time, I heard P plead like a wanting little bitch in heat, needing a release. I slid my tongue between her lips and into her opening as far as it could go and pulled it out.

"Just like I thought, still a pussy."

She couldn't do shit but cover her face and question her decision. Before she could have a second thought, I wrapped my lips around her clit and sucked hard while my tongue slid underneath and danced around her opening. She gasped and bucked. I grabbed her thighs, pulling her closer to the edge of the bed and onto my face while I inhaled her clit. I sucked it sloppily as her juices drenched my beard and slid down the crack of her ass. I took two finger and slid them inside her pussy and hooked her gspot and massaged it while she grinded on my face. My other hand reached up and freed her titties and pinched her nipples. I sucked her pussy like my air depended on it. Her pussy began to squeeze and pulse my fingers and I could tell she was about to cum. I kept my pressure on her clit and massaged her gspot harder until her body began to buck. She let out a wild scream and grabbed my head pulling me deeper into her pussy as she shook uncontrollably as wave after wave wrecked her body and she came nonstop all over my face. The side of the bed was a soaked mess and her body continued to spasm as each aftershock crashed her body. I wiped the wetness from her pussy and used it to stroke my dick while watching her come down from her climax. Before she could fully regain her composure, I rubbed the tip of my dick up the slit of her pussy and massaged it against her clit. I took off my shirt and began to play with my own nipples while rubbing my dick against her swollen clit.

"Our dicks feel good when they touch, don't they?" I asked with a devilish grin. My body and thoughts running on demon time.

She looked at me while biting her bottom lip and nodded her head. Her eyes began to roll to the back of her head as her head fell back to the bed and another orgasm crashed her body.

Grabbing her thighs so she wouldn't close them on me, I pulled her back to the edge of the bed. My dick slipped down and the bulb of my tip rest right at her openinging. She didn't do anything to stop me or move away so I slid my dick in as deep as her tight pussy would take me.

She screamed "oh fuck!" Her eyes shot open but she didn't tell me to stop or move away. I pulled out completely, giving her a split second to recover. I leaned over to give her delicious pussy a lick then realigned and dove in deeper.

"This is the dick ol' girl should've gave you with that strap on."

I grabbed her neck as I slammed into her aggressively, each thrust more violent than the last. She screamed "yes!" and grabbed my waist, pulling me closer. I fucked her tight pussy until she creamed all over my shaft. I played with her clit with my free hand while I filled her wanting hole, bringing her to another orgasm. I officially owned P's pussy in that moment.

I flipped her over onto her stomach and straddled her, sliding deep inside her from the back. I hit a the bottom, right at her cervix, when I felt her legs kick. I breifly wondered if anyone had ever fucked her like this before. She was always the masculine one with all the women I seen her with. We referred to each other as bro and I always viewed and treated her as one of the guys. Yet, here I was fucking bro's pussy and loving every minute of it. There was even this dominant part of me that was insistent on showing her what it felt like to be a woman and under the control of a man. By this point, my ego was in control.

I pulled her locs and whispered in her ear "who got the dick now?"

"You do," she whimpered.

I pounded her pussy with hard, deep, slow strokes. She clawed the bed as I dug deep inside of her. As I bottomed on each down stroke, I could feel my balls slap against her swollen clit. As I continued to knock at the back of her pussy, grind at her cervix, and balls slam against her clit, she would cum again and again, squirting and soaking my bedding.

I leaned to her ear, nibbled on it, and told her "I love fucking this pussy, bro. You feel so fucking good. I know you feel me throbbing. You about to push me over the edge if you cum on my dick like that again."

I must have struck a nerve because I could feel her pulsing and rocking her hips back trying to meet my thrusts.

"oh fuck, I feel you P. You got a nigga so close!" I bottomed out and grinded my dick deep inside her pussy as I throbbed deep inside of her.

"Ohmygawd! I'm cumming daddy!!!" She screamed loudly as she began to cry in ecstasy as she trembled uncontrollably.

I couldn't hold it any more and moaned "fuck P! I cumming! I'm cummimg deep in this pussy! Oh fuck! I can't help it bro!"

I blasted P's insides and came rope after rope of hot cum deep inside her pussy. It brought P to another orgasm and she crashed flat onto the bed, limp and exhausted. I held my dick deep inside her pussy until every drop was well spent inside her pussy, no regard for the consequences. When I was fully drained, I rolled off and laid next to P for a moment. In that moment, I saw P as a person wanting and deserving of pleasure and I fortunate to be the one to give it to her. Bro or not and sexual orientation aside, all that mattered in that moment was giving the body what it craved... actually, what it deserved.

I got up and got dressed. P eventually did the same and met me downstairs, neither one of us said anything about what had just happened. P had a smile and a satisfied glow while we ate dinner and shot the shit at the bar that night. We drove separate cars and split up after leaving Louisiana Bistreaux and I went home to clean up the mess in our bedroom. A few hours later, almost 1AM, I get a text from P with an attachment. It was a picture of a plan B pill and a message that said "Thank you for returning the favor."

[askmissthunder]

Hey Miss Thunder, does your grandmother have any scary stories about her time as a superhero?

Miss Thunder: Hmmm...I don't recall her telling me anything spooky during my training or at least, nothing that really stood out.

Eli: How about we call her and ask?

Red Rabbit: Yeah! That'd be cool!

MT: We can't call her now! It's almost midnight in England! Besides, we're not all gonna hear the call, I don't have a speaker phone.

RR: I do! I can run to my place and get it!

MT: Oh, Cassie, you really don't-

*ZIP!*

RR: I'm back!

MT: -have to.

*Ten minutes of setting up and dialing later*

*Ring ring!*

E: It's ringing!

Talon: Yes, we can hear that, Eli.

*Click*

Nana: *Yawn!* Hello? Who's calling at this hour?

MT: Hello, hello, Nana!

N: *Gasp!* Penny! What a surprise! How are you, my Luv? Is everything all right?

MT: I'm good, Nana! Listen, you're on a speaker and I have my superhero friends here with me.

N: Oh?

RR: Hello, ma'am! I'm Red Rabbit, Penny's friend! I just want to say it's a real honor to speak with a veteran superhero!

T: *quietly* Tsk! Kiss-ass.

N: Oh, the honor is mine, dearie! You're the fast one, right?

RR: Hee hee, that's me!

N: And which one is the "Scary one" that Penny told me about?

T: I think that'd be me. Hello, I'm Talon.

N: Oh, you don't sound scary. You have a very lovely mature voice!

T: Oh, well...thank you?

N: And is there anyone else on the line? Oh! Listen to me! I sound like I'm on the radio! Ha ha!

E: HI! I guess we're sticking with code names but I'm Black Dog!

N: Well, hello there! I- wait.

MT: What, Nana?

N: "Black Dog"? As in...? *Gasp!*

MT: What?!

N: You're Penny's sweetheart! "Eli", I believe? Her mum told me about you!

E: *Blushing* Yeah, that's me. Hello, Ma'am.

N: Ohhh, it's so nice to speak with you, dearie! With all of you, really! Now, what can an old lady like me do for you lot? And Penny, aren't you going to get hit with a charge for international calls?

MT: Well, we had a question for you, Nan, what with it being Halloween time and all but we'll try to keep it quick. Do you have any scary stories during your time as Miss Thunder?

N: ..."Scary" as in how?

RR: Well, like, have you seen any ghosts or fought any monsters during your time in Ocean City?

N: Hmmmmm...let's see...I've never been one for ghosts. They're a dime a dozen.

T: Wait, so you've seen ghosts?

N: Oh, yes! Plenty! But they're not that exciting. You can't punch a ghost, though. I always have to use my connections to get somebody to get rid of it. They're more sad than scary, really. *Sighs*

MT: Nana, you can't just tell us you've seen multiple ghosts and act like it's nothing! We've never seen ghosts!

N: I've told you they're not that bad. Once you get past all the moaning and groaning, they're usually some sad soul who didn't realize they died. In fact, I'm shocked I didn't see one that one time I fought a werewolf.

MT, RR, T, E: WHAT?!?!

E: You fought a real werewolf?!

RR: Weren't we just talking about vampires being real?! If werewolves are real, then vampires have to be real!

N: Oh, yes, vampires are real, too. Nasty little buggers. Don't let the movies fool you. They're not nearly as pretty and they stink like a slaughterhouse. Still, it was funny whenever they tried to bite me and realized they couldn't. If a bullet can't even pierce all this blubber, what chance does a fang have?

T: What'd you do to it?

N: Well, he tried to bite me and I held him in a bear hug he couldn't get out of. I just held him for hours until the sun came up. Pretty simple, innit?

T: Huh. I guess your brother's friend's cousin wasn't full of shit after all.

RR: I told you so!

MT: What about the werewolf?

N: Oh! Yes! The Werewolf! It was the summer of '34 and there were reports of a killer on the streets of Ocean City. 6 women had been ripped to shreds by some fiend. I remember hearing that it was Jack the Ripper coming out of hiding in America but that was a load of bollocks. He would've been an old man if it was him and besides, these murders were WAY worse than the Ripper Killings. I had the misfortune of coming across one.

RR: *Gasp!* Oh no!

N: Oh, it was bloody awful! Literally! I was on patrol one night and well, I could smell it.

E: Eww!

N: I followed the smell and *Sighs* ...it looked like the woman had been, well, "torn apart" doesn't quite do it justice. More like someone had put a bomb inside a woman and her insides became outsides.

MT: Oh my god, Nana! That's horrible.

N: *Sighs* Yes, it truly was. I didn't even know this woman but...I just remember feeling so absolutely gutted. Gutted that I couldn't help her, that I was too late. And when the bobbies told me that the other murders were just like this one, well, I knew I had to do something.

T: What'd you do?

N: It took a lot of patience but I went on patrol every night for almost three weeks straight, keeping my head on a swivel for even the smallest hint of where he could be. Then, it happened.

E: What?

N: I heard a lady scream and I leaped like the Devil over to where she was. I just managed to catch her running into an old apartment building with some man chasing after her. I didn't waste any time and I smashed my way in. Crash! Right through the windows! I got lucky because my entrance distracted the man from his intended victim. "Go!", I told her, "Call the cops!". She ran out and the man slowly turned towards me. He was a big man with fair skin, ruddy hair, and a mustache, dressed like a dock worker. But those eyes. I'll never forget those eyes.

RR: Like a wolf's eyes?

N: Not just yet but they were savage looking. Like a feral animal. Full of bloodlust, they were. He snarled at me, "You made me lose my little lamb. For now, I guess I'll have to settle with a great fat pig."

MT: Did he transform?

N: Mmm-hmm. I could see him growing taller. More wider. His skin was starting to get fuzzy, claws were popping out of his fingernails. i could see his face was starting to stretch out into a snout. The thing is, though, he was taking an awfully long time of actually transforming that I wondered "Why the bloody hell am I waiting for him to finish? Get him now!"

T: Did you?

N: Heh heh heh...I'll admit, seeing that shocked look on his face when I charged at him was soooooo satisfying. I suppose most women he killed were just paralyzed with fear, he never expected one to just go at him while he was in the middle of transforming. He also must've been new in town if he had no idea who I was. I grabbed him by the leg and I slammed the little bastard like a bloody rag doll.

MT, RR, T, E: Whooooaaa!

N: I slammed him on the floor, against the walls, up on the ceiling. That flat looked like a wrecking ball had gone through it. He kept trying to scramble away but I kept reeling him in for more. Eventually, the police did show up so I grabbed Mr. Werewolf by the throat, leaped out the window, and slammed him on the street from five stories up. Made for one hell of an entrance! He was just a mangled bloody mess but with his powers, he was still managing to heal his wounds.

E: Then what happened?

N: After the beating I gave him, the git had enough and practically crawled to the cops. "I DID IT!", he screamed, "I'M THE KILLER! LOCK ME UP! JUST KEEP ME AWAY FROM HER!!!"

MT: Ha!

N: No matter how vicious and cruel he was, at the end of the day, he was just another bully, going after those weaker than him. What I want you to learn from this, Penny, no, what I want ALL of you to learn from this is that no matter how scary a bully may seem, the instant someone comes up that can push back, they start legging it with their tails between their legs. So, never be afraid to stand up to a bully, you lot understand?

MT, RR, T, E: Yes, Ma'am!

N: All right, I'm off to bed, then. Thank you for calling, Penny! It was very nice to hear from you and your friends! Have a Happy Halloween!

MT: Thank you for answering our question and Happy Halloween, Nana! Love you!

N: I love you, too, sweetie! Bye bye, now!

*Click!*

RR: Wow! That was so rad! Your grandma seems so sweet! I want to meet her in person!

T: Yeah, your grandma's pretty cool, Penny. Now, I know what I have to do tomorrow.

E: What's that?

T: Stock up on silver knives. Can't be too careful now knowing both vampires AND werewolves are out there.

MT: That's very true!

[scalamore]

Forshadowing (Ch 96)

Lari: I really want to have a very romantic marriage with someone whom I love so much, that would bring tears to my eyes just by looking at him.

Rupert: (coldly) that's a pretty big dream

Lari thinking: What he said is objectively true. In a strong country like Vellnelni, it's exceedingly difficult for a noblewoman to marry for love in comparison to grabbing a star from the sky. Even Riche, she gave up on Lehan in the end. For me, I've never loved anyone as passionately as she. However, like I told Rupert, I didn't want to get married for the sake of marriage. I glanced at him and made a small promise. I wanted someone who would love me as a person, not someone who wanted to take advantage of me or to cherish me like an object. It's just a matter of living.

—-

In TL1, she was ok with getting married for the sake of marriage. After all, marriage amongst nobles was for the prestige for the family, and she was satisfied with meeting someone nice amongst the nobles, and being content with their life together. She had never imagined the possibility of a romance. However. At some point after her regression, into TL2, 3.5 years later, her thinking has changed. Somehow, she’s become more optimistic of her future, and wants the ability to [choose] in the future. Reading into her words, I don’t think she’s referring to Rupert (consider he’s never taken advantage of her, and he doesn’t exactly treat her as an object)… I really think she’s referring to how marriage with another noble would be - where she would be the property of her husband after marriage. She’ll marry into his family, and will listen to his wishes. After all, the Vellnelni Empire is very patriarchal. (Ch 36?) Women have no power. Her power is dependent on first her father, or her brother, or her husband. I really think this change in time was very gradual and natural, in the sense that in TL1, she relied on her family for everything, and never made her own choices. She always looked at her father for his approval, and did things for the sake of the family’s prestige. Meanwhile although she was Rupert’s maid, it wasn’t like they spent all their time together. She had her duties, he had his, but they often interacted daily during mealtimes or when she helped out in the office. Otherwise, she was allowed to freely leave the palace whenever. (Lari’s comment when she got a plaque with the ability to enter and exit the palace whenever in Ch 27, Rupert’s comment in Ch 45 when he said she could leave the palace whenever, and Lari’s reminder in chapter 80ish that she’s a lady in waiting, and she doesnt need his permission to leave and come back) - Especially in the early days, she would tell Rupert when she would come and go, and often ask for permission when she didn’t have to.

WhenI think about it… Lari was able to change because of Rupert. He allowed her to become his maid simply because she wanted to. Against all logical reason, he still allowed it but was still on his guard for a while. Even so, he still properly hired her and gave her a very high salary. Now that Lari has money of her own, she’s able to buy the things she wants without informing anyone. This is under the assumption that as long as she was a Lady of House Belois, if she needed something she would tell a servant, who at some point would tell the Count. Also, she was always under the watchful eyes of her father, so he knew everything anyways. What she did, where she went, what clothes she wears etc. In Ch 27, she made her first impulse purchase. She learned the meanings of flowers. She learned to drive a prao carriage. She successfully haggles a lower price. In Ch 36 she has noodles and uses chopsticks for the first time (novel detail is that she REALLY sucks at using chopsticks, and ends up twirling the noodles like a fork around them haha). They eat out at a hole-in-wall ramen shop for the first time. She buys dumplings from a stall and gets to know the shopkeepers. In Ch 45, we see through Rupert’s eyes that the world is bright to her. She notices things like the impoverished children, details of the buildings, the flowers on the side of the road. She doesn’t look like it, but she’s aware and appreciates the colorful around her and wishes to share that with Rupert. In Ch 63, she’s able to walk around in circles to get to Aunt Amelia’s house. She knows her way around now without getting lost. In Ch 81ish she stands up to the knight who was rude to her. Things like that. Also - as reckless as she is in her efforts to prove herself to him, Rupert has saved her every time. She’s someone who is considered precious to Rupert, someone whom she thought would not even know that concept. through her interactions with Rupert, who also allowed her freedom to do what she wanted without restriction, who saved her again and again, who tells her to stop getting hurt, that she’s precious - Lari doesn’t quite understand it yet, but Rupert truly cares for her. He has never treated her like an object, he has never bossed her around, he has never ordered her to do anything she didn’t want to do. He never forced his opinion on her. He never made assumptions about what she wanted, or decided things for her. At the start, it was him brusquely telling her “to do what you want” (Ch 24ish - in that case, her wanting to stay by him to earn his trust). Later on, it became “What do you want to do?” (When she asks to go on vacation to Belois, what she thinks about her marriage candidates)

Ironically, despite Lari’s initial thoughts, Rupert is the only one who has ever asked her what SHE wanted to do. She finally has a choice. Actually, she’s had the freedom of choice for a while now, since she entered the palace. After all this is done, Lari thinks that maybe, just maybe she can finally have a future of her own? She doesn’t need to marry anyone since she is independent and has a small of skills where she can find work, but maybe… there might be a man who loves her for who she is as a person and not want to use her for his own political purpose or for the sake of a House…? It’s very wishful thinking, she’s not hopeful; but certainly it would be nice.

[thepsykoshipper]

Psyko’s Top 10 Kpop Songs Released in 2022

I took the top 10 songs released this year and put them in a numerical list. This list is only including songs released by a k-pop artist or group and is in korean.

10. WA DA DA by Kep1er

I didn’t watch Girls Planet 999 but I followed the drama extensively on twitter (mainly because I love Bora from Cherry Bullet), and so I was excited for the debut of the group. I was expecting a debut to rival IZ*ONE and I think we got it with WA DA DA. It’s high energy and the dance is fun. But theres a reason no other Kep1er songs are on this list. #JusticeForBora

9. Super Yuppers! by WJSN Chocome

WJSN released my most listened to song of 2021, so of course another WJSN song would be on my list. This song was the Kpop we needed in a genre saturated with noise music (which I do not hate). Dayoung’s rap(?) in the bridge solidified this as a regular on my Kpop playlist. These girls are bringing back the Orange Caramel aesthetic.

8. Maison by Dreamcatcher

It would’ve been a crime if this song did not get Dreamcatcher their first win. The chorus is so hype, and Dami’s raps never fail to serve. Their first win was a long time coming, and I’m glad they’ve finally clawed their way out of nugu-dom.

7. Love Dive by IVE

You think I could make a best of kpop list and not put the SOTY on it? (Actually I haven’t put the SOTY on my list many times XD). But this time I actually agree with the decision for SOTY. IVE had everyone by the throat this year, release hit after hit. And even though I hate Starship Ent. for what they did to Monsta X, it is nice to see a company outside of the Big 3 getting some recognition. I’m excited to see the big things IVE does in the future.

6. Step Back by GOT the Beat

I was a huge SuperM stan when they debuted and so I new it was a matter of time before SM released the female version. And they did not disappoint. This song is damn near perfect, and getting to hear Taeyeon, Wendy, and Karina on the same track is something I could’ve only dreamed of. This song is amazing, and anyone who says otherwise is in denial.

5. SMILEY by Yena feat. BBIBBI

Now I’ll be honestly, I didn’t love IZ*ONE, and I think all the girls have put out better music since they disbanded. And Choi Yena has had the best debut of all the ladies of IZ*ONE. It actually shocked me to discover that she was a rapper in IZ*ONE because her voice is so wonderful. I actually held out on listening to this song all the way through, because I didn’t care for IZ*ONE, but once I gave in I could not stop listening to it.

4. FOREVER 1 by Girl’s Generation

I made the mistake of stanning Girl’s Generation after the release of “Holiday”, so I fully expected to never receive new songs as a SONE and was content to just enjoy the classics. Well I tell you, I cried when I first watched the stage for this song! Eight queens taking their rightful spot back on the throne with an absolutely incredible song.

3. Scream by SF9

At this point, SF9 are one of my ults so of course they’d be the first boy group to appear on my list. When Youngbin and Inseong enlisted, I expected no new releases from the boys as a group for a while. So when this dropped I was so excited. The song overall I think is just alright, and the reason it’s ranked so high is purely because of Zuho’s rap, which are always my favorite parts in SF9 songs.

2. HOT by Seventeen

This was the song that got me to truly stan Seventeen. I had been an on and off fan after listening to Aju Nice, but this song was what made me commit to listening to this group. The dance is simplistic and sexy, and I love everything about the concept.

1. WooAh HIP by MAMADOL

If you had told me that the best song of the year would be released by a group composed of a bunch of former idols who were also mothers, I wouldn’t believe you. But WooAh HIP was the best debut/disbandment song of the year. These women can move, and they showed the world that just because you have children, doesn’t mean you can’t pop and drop it. I’ll never stop wishing for another comeback for this group, but most of all I hope that this paves the way for all idols with families and encourages them to continue doing what they love.

[fictionfromthevoid]

STOP TRYING TO FIND ME A WIFE -

Aroace! ACD Sherlock Holmes oneshot

Summary: Holmes angrily makes it clear to Watson that he is Aroace and that Watson should stop trying to find a partner for him. (The word aroace isn't used since it didn't exist back then)

Based on the Prompt:

"So you're just going to trample over their feelings like this?" Doctor Watson asked his friend Sherlock Holmes angrily.

"Their feelings? Why is it always other people's feelings? What about my feelings instead?" the detective answered, visibly exasperated.

This took the doctor aback. He wasn't used to such emotional outbursts from his friend. Did Sherlock Holmes of all people just talk about his feelings? He stayed since he suspected his friend of having more to say. He was right.

"I am sick and tired of people pushing romance onto me when I have voiced countless times that I have no interest in such matters" Holmes ranted. "Especially you should know by now. Still, you keep nagging me every chance you get. I've tolerated your countless matchmaking attempts. I've told you over and over, very politely if I may point out, to refrain from any further attempts to find a romantic partner for me but you never listened."

Watson felt ashamed and guilty at the words of his best friend. It was true that he had fun teasing the detective about the women swooning over him and that has gone out of his way once or twice to arrange a date for his friend. He was looking for a wife, so to him, it was the most natural thing that Holmes should also marry one day. Watson had assumed that Holmes had just been too consumed by his work to waste a thought about romance and that the detective just didn't know what was good for him so the doctor had taken matters into his own hands.

Just now, they had come back from a dinner the doctor had arranged with a very nice lady. After seeing through the plan Holmes had turned the woman down, rather rudely for the doctor's taste, and promptly left the restaurant. The Woman was rather hurt and so now back at Baker Street Watson thought it to be his duty to scold his friend for his unacceptable behaviour.

"Yes, I was rude to Miss Bell. Yes, I may have hurt her feelings but she will get over it." Holmes interrupted the thoughts of his best friend. "But I am done with being polite. I am done with being polite to women who will practically throw themselves onto me, not even caring when I tell them I am not interested."

It was true that his fame, earned through Dr Watson's stories, had brought the detective quite a large number of admirers of any gender who sometimes were ... very persistent with their affection.

"And you Watson, instead of having my back, you encourage them. You tell them I just need to be convinced to go out with them. You tell them to keep trying and not lose hope. And when I adopt a harsher tone to turn down the people you gave false hope, or that you even brought to me in the first place, you get mad at me for hurting their feelings." Holmes was getting more and more frustrated

"What about my feelings? Don't you realise that you hurt MY feelings when you ignore my wishes in such a severe manner? I have trusted you when I told you that I have no interest in romance or the intercourse that often comes with it whatsoever. Information that is quite personal and rather frowned upon in our society. And you disregarded this completely and keep trying to push these things onto me nonetheless"

He let himself fall into his armchair defeated. His head in his hands, so that his face was covered, waiting for an answer from the doctor. Although he didn't expect his friend to understand this time.

Dr Watson was still processing what he had just heard. In retrospect, he had been a bad friend in this matter. He now realised that. To him, it was unimaginable that someone could not be interested in romance. But Sherlock Holmes wasn't, he understood that now.

He went over to his friend and put a comforting hand on Holmes's shoulder.

"I am truly sorry, my dear friend, for I have been a very bad friend to you. I should have listened to you. I should have believed you when you told me how you felt about these things. But it was just something so obscure and unimaginable to me that I couldn't accept it to be true. I now feel ashamed of my behaviour. I apologize and I hope you can forgive me. I promise to never try to find you a wife again."

The detective looked up at him with tired eyes

"I also promise to take it seriously in the future when you communicate your feelings on any matter to me. I sometimes forget that you have such things as feelings since you are usually rather private with these." The lips of Holmes curled into a barely visible smile. Still, his eyes looked as tired and defeated as before.

"I am very grateful that you now told me with such severity how you felt about this, although I should have picked up on this before. My dear Holmes, I am very sorry and I hope you can forgive me."

Dr Watson ended his apology speech. Holmes stood up from his armchair and embraced his best friend in a hearty hug.

Since then the life of Mister Sherlock Holmes was free of any kind of unwanted romantic attention. His best friend fiercely shielded him from annoying admirers and kept true to his promise to never nag him about romance again.

[themascarasnakeuniverse]

A mission to Borderlands

There are two ways to get to where my father grew up in Wales. It is often said that it is easy to ascertain where the Romans did not want to go. Everywhere that they deemed important is nowadays accessible by pretty direct roads. My fathers former hometown was obviously of no interest to these invaders. There is no motorway. The two routes we commonly took where through Oswestry and Welshpool or via Bala. 

The latter is where we would meet his parents when they took us to their house for extended stays in the school holidays. I never wanted to go without my parents for reasons I will go into in a future post. It was with a heavy heart that I got out of the car in the lay-by just a short way past the town centre and transferred our belongings to their car.

My grandmother was never keen on us coming to her house the other way, via Welshpool. Now we visit that part of the world once, sometimes twice a year this route is my preferred journey. Maybe it is defiance. A pathetic rebellious stand against an old lady who died a number of years ago. Regardless it is the way I often take for the two hour plus journey.

Most times when I have driven this way I stop at The Old Station. However, I am always disappointed with the cafe. The choice of food is limited, the coffee is average and the toilets are quite a walk from every table in the place. It seems more like a place set up to sell clothes than to serve food. With this in mind I decided one day to take a journey to Welshpool and see what was on offer in the actual town, after all I was only really familiar with the bypass.

I managed to wake up in good time and eat a healthy breakfast. Despite my initial choice of podcast being “unavailable” I queued up some listening choices and began the journey after a short stop to refuel.

I reached Welshpool at 11.30 and parked my car behind a chapel type building that looked like it served as a market. I paid for two hours and walked around the town a little. The town centre seemed to be stretched along a main road which contained a few independent and the usual chain stores. Whilst I did find a pretty cool “witchy” store run by two middle aged pagan women there did not seem to be an awful lot here.

As it neared lunchtime and my belly started to rumble I went into what the outside signage told me was an “independent coffee shop and cafe.” When I went inside I saw the menu was limited and the interior looked like a glorified greasy spoon cafe. When my lunch arrived it struck me as overpriced and distinctly average. Although the coffee was nice I was beginning to realise why Welshpool was not better known. There was noting special about it. Despite this I went for another walk and saw a road sign for “The Cockpit.” When I followed it the building itself was closed and it was unclear what its use was in the present day. I decided not to stick around as two drunk women where sitting on the edge of the car park rather loudly telling each other to “fuck off.”

When I got back to my car I realised I had time before the parking I paid for expired. I randomly walked along the road and found another cafe, this one looked nicer than the one I had just visited and I decided to make a note of it for my next trip. I had sussed out the parking after all.

A little further down the road I discovered a pretty eccentric bar consisting of different themed rooms. I ordered a cup of tea and the waitress kindly told me how to connect to the Wi-Fi. I took this time to reflect. Welshpool might be situated in some pretty countryside but had I grown up here I would have felt isolated. I would have wanted to get out like I was eager to get away from my home village. I finished my tea and thanked the waitress. It was barely 2pm and I felt I had seen all that I needed to see. Then I had a thought. When I felt stuck in my home village I used to value getting on the bus top the nearest city. A city where I went to school, where I went on nights out as a teen. A city that provided some respite until I got sick of it and moved to my current location.

I took out my phone and looked for directions to Shrewsbury. I was only twenty miles away.

This part of the mission was unplanned. I decided to embrace the chaos and set the map app on my phone to get me there as quickly as possible. I found a place to park my car near a shopping mall and decided to wonder wherever. Shrewsbury might not be a city technically but it is certainly of an equivalent size. And there where things here like good coffee shops, vegan cafes, other signs of life that where not ordinarily present in a small town. After all there was a university here.

Whilst randomly wandering I decided to come here for a more planned mission at a later date. Perhaps an overnight stay and a show at the Theatre Severn.

I ate my evening meal in a Pizza Express that used to be a cinema. They had just opened and I was their fist customer. On the way I passed day drinkers taking advantage of the good weather and popping out for a quick one after work. I watched from my usual neurodiverse position on the periphery. Not included but watching. A position I am used to. 

When I got back to my car I found that the podcast I could not access on the way here was now available. That would be all the company I needed for the drive home. 

[donnabroadway]

Good man or God man

Not every man is graced to be a Godly husband, just like every woman is not graced to be a wife and mother. I remember when one of my older friends told me not everyone is meant to be married, I nearly panicked and thought of reasons why he was wrong but as is the case with many young people, as I near his age, I realize he was right. Not everyone has the anointing of being a husband or wife and it takes even more grace and anointing

I understand the temptation to speed up the waiting process. To finally give that guy you put in the friendzone years ago a chance but do it sis. There are guys who simply happen to be your friends that may be your spouse but that hasn't been revealed yet and guys who have expressed interest in you and the feelings are not mutual. Listen to those instincts ladies, just because a guy seems nice and seems to be interested in you, doesn't mean you need to give him a chance. There is always the small possibility that you put your husband in the friend zone but trust me, your spirit analyzed him and said nope for a reason, plus I have heard too many stories of women finally giving that guy a chance and he ends up dogging her out due to resentment and the fantasy is always better than the reality and just like when Amnon just had to have Tamar, incest aside because ew but ride with me, and he concocted an entire scheme, with the help of his brother Jonadab, to force his half sister to lay with him and once he raped her, he felt more contempt for her than the love her claimed to have once felt and banished her. There are some people who will seemingly work hard to pursue you and court you and once they have you, they will feel contempt towards you. Everyone has flaws, even the most seemingly perfect and complete person and too often the rose colored glasses have us blind to their true nature. Don't go through your friend zone. It is like going through the clearance rack. You saw it and you didn't want it, so let it go.

Before you ask for the yoke of marriage, you need to really consider if you want the responsibilities of marriage and family. Do you really have space in your life for kids? Do you want kids? I feel like people take sex and reproduction too lightly. Too many people have kids that they do not want and those kids end up either in an already strained foster care system, living with relatives in an informal adoption, treating their kids with resentment or contempt, or worse and there are too many stories of worse. Taking family pictures are cute, the wedding pictures will get you a lot of likes and may even go viral but do you want to rush home in the middle of the day for an emergency, as a single woman you can pop a bowl of popcorn and pour a glass of wine and watch your favorite smut TV show but when you get married, your time is no longer your own. I know people are saying that social media is making marriage look bad, it's just that marriage needs better PR and many happily married people don't want to risk their marriage for social media likes and fodder, so they keep their business to themselves but nothing is more frustrating than being in a dead marriage that no one wants to revive. Many women get online to vent about being a married single mother and I guess to get support because their family and friends are tired of hearing her complain just to stay and even worse, tell their partner what was discussed and now there is division between the friend and the partner, only for themselves and their marriage to be dragged on multiple social media platforms. Plus, if you want to stay happily married, keep people out your business. All people, not just family, strangers on the internet count as well.

Too many women marry the good guy and not the God guy. Too many men marry the check list woman, she cooks, she cleans, she's beautiful, he enjoys having sex with her, she makes money, she's kind but he doesn't really love her, he loves someone else but that person may not be suitable for marriage, so he chose the better option not really loving her. It is unfair to marry someone you don't love simply because you are ready to be married. Marriage is not easy and you need God's grace and his hand to make it work and rushing ahead of God to get married so you can meet some imaginary deadline that you have in your head, probably isn't the best course of action. I know waiting is hard but you know what else is hard, being stuck in a dead-end marriage waiting for the kids to turn 18, so you can finally leave.

[pridestuffooo]

When I was a child, I wanted to play with the cars. "You can play with these" I was told as she handed me the delicate more feminine cars. Okay, I said, I got to play with cars! But everyone else gave me baby dolls. That's fine. I'm told I'll be a mother some day, and mothers are doctors to their children. "No, no. Women become nurses." Okay, I said, I want to be a nurse. I want to be a newswriter and travel all over the world! "No, no, traveling all over the world isn't safe. You could stay at home and write novels." Okay, I said, I'll be a missionary, they're brave and travel and they write and I can be a nurse then too! "Okay", they said, "if you get called to it," and patted my head. I want to climb the tree, I said. "No, it's too dangerous! You're a young lady, you need to stay clean!" Oh, I said, well, okay. This dress is itchy, can I go change? "No," she said, "You need to look nice. You're a cute young lady." But it itches! I cried. "No!" She snapped, "you'll wear something ladylike and that's that!" But as the years went by I cried until I only wore things that didn't hurt my skin. But I knew they had to be cute and only for girls.

When I was 10, my favorite dress was poison green, it was stretchy and felt nice on my skin. Then I started skipping and my chest looked weird and they said, "Looks like it's time for the flower to bloom, hmm?" with strange nods and grins. She brought me the "training bras" which weren't so bad. They made my chest look right again. Then in a few years she brought out other ones. I cried and cried, and told her I hated how they felt. I did, I did, they were awful. But I couldn't tell her I hated how they looked more. My chest was so very very wrong. The training bras were far more comfortable. She had gotten better at listening when things hurt my skin, and said, "Well, but those don't fit. But... I suppose..." and went and bought me more training bras. It was months before I learned they were actually called sports bras. I grew and more and more I hated my skin, hated the thing that I was trapped in. I prayed and begged and pleaded and cried, "Lord, why didn't you make me a boy instead?" And dreamed of a waking up to a boyish frame with no one to know I was ever a girl. But Health class said that all[most, many, but I took it for all because this was misery] girls looked at a mirror and wished they were different because they wanted something different than what they saw there. When my sister watched Mrs. Doubtfire my father scoffed and disapproved, I didn't quite know why but I knew he thought that it was bad. When I was 14, his 70 year old pastor friend told us of the horror of when his father left his family forever to crossdress. Men wore pants and women wore dresses. Just as men wore short hair and women long tresses. Those were always the Biblical rules. At least so I continued to be told.

I can't remember how much the teen years hurt, but after I graduated I finally knew that the word transgender could sometimes exist. But I didn't think that was me. Nor was anything that meant sexuality. The internet was a grand old thing, and I learned at 16 that I might not be broken for not having crushes. But not till I was 17 did I dare to breathe an admittance that I was asexual. And I was 20 before I'd dare to admit that maybe I wanted more than just to be a man. Was it possible I was a boy? But I hadn't been a boy, I was a girl who'd like the cute things I'd been given. Sure, I'd always wanted the other things, but I was always easily distracted by girls' soft plush toys. Who was I to even consider that maybe I might be transgender? A distaste for one's looks, and desperate desire couldn't possibly mean I hit such a dread measure. And there are days and sometimes even full months where I am content with my body and looks. But there are also miserable times where I long for something completely utter. I joke and I scream if only I had a shapeshifting ring. To be a man when my body is horrid, and to leave myself alone when it's perfectly fine. A dress today, or a man in a dress. I don't even quite know where it all ceases. But maybe there's an umbrella that I can stand under. Genderfluid, is that where I reside? Where my gender fluctuates more than the tides? Genderqueer, genderfucked, androgynous, non-binary. I don't quite know, it feels like the sands are always shifting. Am I woman or man? Neither one really fits, but non-binary isn't quite the right, so two umbrellas I'll pick for this changeable me, because genderqueer and fluid are the closest to me.