#(sorry i feel the need to give proper and full context hence that big line. n e ways.)

[roimp]

novel about today

[internetremix]

Hello everyone! I just wanted to say that I really love DMP, but as a Christian it gets a little awkward calling Kristen murder god lol. Is it uncomfortable to ask if any of the IR crew is religious at all? I get it if you don't reply. Anyway, love all of you!

Kristen: I am sorry anon that my heathen ways have made things awkward for you, haha. I guess I would describe myself as questioning atm, leaning toward Unitarian.

Queen: I'm Roman Catholic

Jojo: I believe in Karma and good vibes uwu

Cami: confirmed Roman Catholic, but as I’ve grown up I find I’m more non-denominational. It’s not strange as long as it’s understood that in no way affects what you believe. It’s a character in a story

Carl: I'm a non-denominational Christian. I just believe in the Bible, keeping stuff in context, don't be a dillweed to your fellow man, loving your neighbor, don't judge lest you be judged in the same capacity, etc etc. When it concerns DMP, it's good to keep in mind that it's a fictional setting. It is a very dark setting that covers some very real topics mind you, but still just a collaborative story that all the cast has been writing together.

Kristen: Yeah shockingly the murder god and the black stars are not actually real, they're just characters in a story. It'd suck real bad if they were real

Carl: Big oof

Alex: non-demominational christian who believes god has better things to do than worry about the name of a fictional character

Carl: Same boat, more or less. I'd get into the semantics about what taking the Lord's name in vain actually is in the proper biblical context, but I'm on mobile- shot

Juno: it'd totally suck real bad if they were real. mg would get her soul quota really quickly if she were real.

Xander: Hardcore agnostic. But if the Vikings were right I need to make sure I die in battle so I can go to Valhalla.

Juno: The revolution will give plenty of chances for that. of course the ideal is winning the revolution.

Bro: Nondenominational Christian who was actually in the same boat for a while, so I get why you feel like you do, anon. DMP is always weird to talk about because both of my parents are pastors.

I always get along with it by remembering that the story as a whole isn't inherently blasphemous, and that the themes are in line with things that I do believe in. Ideas of self growth, redemption and the complex ways humans interact are not out of line with God to me, so it makes it a lot easier. My parents have also come to understand something along their own lines as well, though they do wish I showed the same fervor for going to church as I did showing up to DMP sessions on Sunday. It's about balance and having fun in a fictional world, and I've even explored some aspects of my faith through it, so there's always that.

Dont feel bad for enjoying it, but also dont feel bad for any conflicting feelings you have. It means you care, and I'm glad you're exploring them by asking others how they feel.

Big love and God Bless

Adric: I am a bundle of weird religious. Former LDS that still follows some of the teachings, but I am far more spiritual than religious now a days. I believe there is something out there, but I also believe inore magical and "other worldly" things being out there especially thanks to one of my alters.

I've never personally had a hard time calling her Murder God, but for every day things, I do have a problem saying "god" as an expletive, hence why if o keed that swear word you will notice I always say "Gods" instead. It's a minor thing but just how I am.

I can agree with the others though, it can be a hard thing to say based on your religious views to call her "murder god", but also remember, it is a fictional story and is 100% as such, no one is trying to claim she is real and am actual God, so at least to my former religious ways, that does not go against the teachings I grew up on.

Uprising: something to note is that in history/religious studies you refer to the god you believe in with a capital g and one you are writing about with a lowercase g bc ur writing about another religion. tho this one is is a work of a fictional character and with the title preceding of murder it stands to reason that she fits with a universe with gods of other things (which is teue- time and space n shit)

I myself am lowkey jewish in a similar way Alex is. sometimes i feel odd about not writing g-d and I have to pause and consider if I'm writing about specifically The G-d from the holy texts of the Torah, Qur'an, and Bible

when it comes down to it tho it's kinda like zeus god of thunder or stuff like that

Ann: Heavy Christian, Nazarene branch. DMP is pure fiction and everyone involved knows this. It's part of telling a story. No one involved believe that DMP is real, so no harm, no fowl.

Phill: Pastafarian, hardcore going 8+ years now

Jojo: That's the flying spaghetti monster right?

Phill: Hell yeah.

Split: twas raised pagan, hold myself a good few pagan beliefs and practices. not so much a religion per se but big shrug. mostly stuff like the world is a big ol pond of big ol fish and no one really knows the full extent of it, just do what you can to either befriend if your so inclined, or simply just not piss off the bigger fish and you'll be fine. so like, agnostic/polytheistic, dont worship any pantheon tho

Phill: So basically what you’re saying is… You’re a heretic.

Split: I would like the record to show i roasted phill privately to save yall from my heresy

Atwas: Darn

Phill: defeated groans D-deus vu-..lt

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Love, Love, Love

Masterpost

5x01: Love, Love, Love

Hello season 5! It’s so lovely to see you.  I love this episode - it’s the Beatles, and it’s the Klaine proposal, and it kicks off my personal favorite season of the show (oops did I say that out loud?). Funny enough, Kurt’s not in this episode a whole lot - but! There’s so much Kurt in this season it’s crazy, so let’s dig in! 

This episode is so my happy place. 

Got to Get You (Back) Into My Life

I’m so glad that Ryan Murphy decided to let this season be bright and colorful - comparatively to a drabber and somewhat more serious season 4.  It’s funny - because this entire season will be haunted by the the tragedy that happened bts. But there’s also a lot of joy and happiness and downright crackiness that defines the season, too.  It’s such an interesting mix of things. 

So, anyway, despite this being a huge episode for Kurt - he’s only in a few scenes, his first one here with Blaine some ten minutes into the episode.  

When last we saw Kurt, he was getting much more comfortable with Blaine again, even if he claimed he wasn’t going to hook up with him, and he told some lesbians they weren’t a couple.  But I do believe the end of last season, even if we didn’t get much in the way of Kurt explicitly stating so, he’s entertaining the idea of getting back with Blaine.  He’s healed quite a bit in the six months they’ve been apart (Yeah - it’s supposed to be March here, lol).  And Blaine’s relentless showering of love and affection only bolsters his own feelings.  

His dad’s fine, school is fine, New York is fine, maybe, just maybe he and Blaine can be fine, too. 

We open up with this picnic.  And as a time reference, I believe this is during Kurt’s spring break - because Blaine’s mentions Kurt finally going back to school.  And you know - there’s such an ease between these two.  This conversation is light and playful and a little desperate on Blaine’s side, but Kurt knows exactly where this conversation is going, and he’s delighted by it - enough to taunt Blaine a little by holding back purposely.

Okay before I go too much further though, let’s talk about the dialogue they cut from the opening of this scene:

Kurt: This farewell picnic is the perfect send off, though. Blaine: One might even call it romantic. Kurt: One might. Blaine: So, what are we doing here? Kurt: I thought we were swearing off labels. Blaine: I love you, Kurt. I’m sorry if that freaks you out, but this part, the romance and love part, I’m good, I’m done, I want you. Kurt: It doesn’t freak me out -- not in a bad way.

Oy this show - sometimes cutting things I really like (most of the time no, but this episode, yeah).  Also - this all happens before Blaine inquires about New York guy.

Anyway, the reason I’m including it here is that I like the insinuation that Kurt and Blaine had talked about what the status of their relationship was - and puts Blaine’s actions in a little more context.  There could have been a conversation way back in I Do - where they continued to sleep together that weekend but Kurt insisted it wasn’t called anything but friends with benefits.  They could have done things over Skype - and hence had a ‘let’s not label this’ conversation.  I do think, despite Kurt claiming they wouldn’t, before this picnic, they fell into bed together again.  

And I do think that had this stayed in, Kurt would have played the moment playfully.  Because he knows exactly where this is headed.  He knows he wants Blaine just as much.  

So about that New York guy.  Ha. 

Okay - so yeah, I wish that the Adam part of the story would have been more complete - that we would have seen Kurt try to date him but ultimately realize, yeah, no, I want Blaine.  I mean - while we were all pretty sure where the story was going, it never really got a proper resolution after 4x15.  And this is almost like tying up a loose end. 

But I like what Kurt says here, and how he says it.  He liked Adam fine, but it wasn’t serious.  I mean in the middle of “dating” Adam - he slept with Blaine, c’mon.  But Kurt is so dismissive of the whole thing.  It wasn’t about whether or not he liked Adam. It was about if he could forgive Blaine for cheating on him.  And that’s one of the things I find so fascinating about this story - it’s always about the conflict within themselves and between each other. Third parties are always arbitrary and inconsequential.  And merely placeholders (or plot devices) while one of them deals with their shit.  

(As an aside - the comment about people like them together is completely a fourth wall break.  The writers knew there were non-Klaine fans out there, and this is them saying, yeah, we hear you, don’t really care though.)  

The real point here is that last time they tried long distance, Blaine cheated on him.  But Blaine’s grown and healed a lot, too, since the beginning.  Even amidst the playfulness, Kurt is slightly hesitant.  He knows he loves Blaine.  He knows they’re going to be together.  But he also doesn’t want to ever be hurt like that again.  

But let’s talk about Kurt’s playfulness in the scene.  When was the last time we saw Kurt this open with Blaine? This relaxed and having fun? He knows exactly what Blaine wants, and he continues to deflect at every turn - sign a no-cheating contract, do relationships really work?, weren’t Bethany and Jason supposed to be forever?  He’s totally stringing Blaine along.  

Labels or no. They’re already back together.  It’s just a matter of saying it out loud. 

I love that when Kurt finally stops screwing around and says they’re going try a relationship again - he’s so damn giddy and excited about it.  They get to be Kurt and Blaine again.  And Kurt can follow his heart openly again.  Oh, kiddo. 

Also, cut from the script - another moment where Blaine leans in and kisses him.  **shakes-fist**

So - I want to take a sec and talk about the costuming.  Glee’s costume department has always been one of the most competent things on the show.  And Klaine has always had a way of matching.  But I think they begin to out do themselves this season.  Kurt and Blaine’s outfits here not only look fantastic on them - but they are complimentary colors to each other - and it makes this already gorgeous scene look brilliant.  And -- these are almost toned down versions of the colors they’ll be wearing for the proposal.  It love it.  Brilliant work costume guys.  ;) 

Anyway, Blaine says he has something planned and Kurt shuts that down pretty quickly.  And I think it’s interesting - not just because Kurt has his own serenade ready and waiting, but because it’s not about Blaine serenading Kurt anymore.  It’s about them being in an equal relationship, and doing things for each other.  

But also - I spoke of this pattern back during It’s Time - it does seem right that this is the last time they sing in the courtyard, because look at the pattern: 

S2 Somewhere Only We Know - Kurt is coming back to McKinley, and leaving Blaine at Dalton. 

S3 It’s Not Unusual - Blaine is coming to be with Kurt at McKinley

S4 It’s Time - Kurt is leaving McKinley to go to New York

S5 Got to Get You Into My Life - Blaine will be leaving McKinley to be with Kurt in New York. 

There’s a lot of coming and going, but ultimately, they’ll both be leaving McKinley together, as a couple, for New York, which is where they’re supposed to be - so on another level beyond these two are adorable singing to each other - it’s incredibly fitting that they’re singing this together.  

Trying to still this song was a miserable experience, so I’m going with a BTS shot instead - thank you, greatly, to those of you who sent me this pic <3  This is a gorgeous shot of Chris/Kurt, and here we can see the whole outfit in all its glory.  Also, anyone else notice the huge number of butt shots during this performance? I wonder if that was intentional, huh. 

Kurt says that he has this planned - which means he had already decided to get back together with Blaine before this conversation took place.  But it makes me wonder, did he decided to do this on his own? Or had he found out Blaine’s plans and took control of it for himself? Idk - interesting....  

So - you guys know that this song is about doing drugs, right? This is a love song to pot - or whatever they were on at the time, lol.  

But I mean, love is a drug, too.  

I feel like this song is pretty self-explanatory, and incredibly fitting for a couple of codependent little lovestuck goobers. 

Ooh, then I suddenly see you Ooh, did I tell you I need you Every single day of my life You didn't run, you didn't lie You knew I wanted just to hold you And had you gone you knew in time we'd meet again For I had told you Ooh, you were meant to be near me Ooh, and I want you hear me Say we'll be together every day Got to get you into my life

I love this performance.  While not my favorite Beatles song, it’s just such a fun number.  They’re playful and incredibly flirty, and very themselves, and that ending kiss.  Damn.  It’s not just that it’s hot - cause, yeah.  But because it’s a declaration of their love in a very, very public space.  Remember when Blaine once just tapped Kurt on the shoulder because they were on the stairs outside? 

Season 5 Glee, and season 5 Klaine, do not give a fuck.  

I’m rounding this out with the Sue’s first line in the next scene

Sue: America, your prayers have been answered. 

Getting Better

So, I want to take a second to talk about the one big Kurt scene they cut from the script.  Originally, and it was filmed because we have bts stills, there was a scene involving Kurt and the girls sleeping over at the school (Why the school, god who knows.)  

Deleted Kurt/Ladies Scene from Love Love Love**

(**Note - this isn’t the full cut scene, I’ll explain in a minute.) 

The reason I bring it up, since I’m normally a huge advocate of ignoring what’s in the script, is because it has some interesting tidbits in it.  

First of all - it’s a scene with all the girls and Kurt.  Even in the New York arc - WE NEVER GET THIS! This is kind of like Kurt’s bachelor(ette?) party and it is one aspect of the wedding stuff we don’t get at all - even with Brittana.  I realize that stuff is kind of TV cliche but dammit - they’re also usually really fun, too.  So I’m sad to lose this scene for that. 

It also shows that Kurt’s very in the know about Blaine’s proposal plans (I mean, god, Blaine is the least subtle goober on the planet) and that Kurt’s initial reaction is, god yeah sign me up for this. 

Also - this bit of dialogue: 

Kurt: [...] I’ve dreamt about marrying Prince Charming ever since I saw my first Disney movie -- I just never thought it would be possible. But the world’s changed and more than anything...I want Blaine and me to be apart of that change. 

Aw, Kurt, you little goober.  That would have been so sweet to hear you actually say.  **shakes-fist again**

They also cut a song - Getting Better that Kurt and the girls would have sang. (This, btw, was already omitted by the time the script I have was produced.)  On the surface - this sounded like a good idea, especially when Kurt singing would be great over a second Artie/Kitty duet.  

Here are some of the lyrics: 

I've got to admit it's getting better (Better) A little better all the time (It can't get more worse) I have to admit it's getting better (Better) It's getting better since you've been mine

It’s a nice little sentiment for Kurt to sing, right? 

Well - here’s later on: 

I used to be cruel to my woman I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved Man I was mean but I'm changing my scene And I'm doing the best that I can (Ooh)

**scrunches nose** Yeah, maybe it was best they cut this. 

Meanwhile, the one reason I’m glad this scene was cut? At the very end (apparently not in that link I gave you) - Santana gives this whole speech painting marriage as the worst thing two people can do, and it makes Kurt doubt the idea of getting married.  Because, according to the script, he never really thought about the future.  And I really call BS on this.  Because we have seen that Kurt is an incredible planner, has already thought about he and Blaine getting old, and part of the whole break up stuff was Kurt living in the future instead of living in the past.  So it just doesn’t add up. 

Plus - I think leaving Kurt’s insecurities with just the Burt/Kurt scene works a whole lot better than what this scene does.  

Fatherly Advice

You know - you can’t go wrong with a Kurt/Burt scene.  And this is one of my favorites. 

Kurt’s, understandably, nervous about this whole proposal business.  It’s not the proposal itself, it’s not because he doesn’t love Blaine - and I love, LOVE that he explicitly states here what Blaine means to him, that he feels safe and connected and loved with Blaine -- it’s because they are young, and because they just got back together, and no I don’t think Kurt is fully healed from that break up yet.  (I don’t think he will be until the second one - when he screws up the relationship** and learns that relationships don’t have to to be perfect.) 

**I’m saying this as a blanket statement - obviously the situation is far more complicated, but I’ll save that discussion when I get to season 6. 

Kurt’s perfect relationship broke once, and there is a part of him that doesn’t entirely trust that it can work again.  It’s not so much Blaine as it is Kurt’s not really ready to be put in this position yet.  (And - interestingly, Blaine’s pushing Kurt is part of the reason the season 6 break up happens -- though most of it’s really about Kurt being dumb, but anyway....) 

It’s funny that Burt tells Blaine that he should marry a person and not an idea, which is what Blaine’s doing a little bit.  But also that Kurt’s scared of the idea more than the person, and that’s a problem, too.  

Anyway, I love Burt’s speech during this scene.  We learn more about Kurt’s mom - and how Burt knew almost immediately that she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life.  I’d go out on a limb and say Hummels know how to commit.  ;)  Burt talks about being young, and the fantasies about what being together would be like (which involved dancing in their underwear, sex, and pasta, lol), but he also gets real and says it’s also about fighting over bills and spoiled milk.  But when you get down to it, you have a short time on this planet - and you hold the people you love dearly closely to you.  

And, interestingly, Kurt’s somewhat living in the future again.  What if I get hurt badly again? What if we ruin this good thing I’ve just let back into my life? What if, what if, what if?  Kurt wants more time -- but Burt says - hey, you get to make your own choices now, so make one.  Oh Burt, you’re so wise. 

But also, what Burt says here is going to linger over the rest of the Kurt and Klaine story.  We’re going to see Klaine have good times and rocky times.  Burt’s warning about it being a hard thing is something Kurt’s going to not be able to deal with come season 6.  But also Burt’s words are why it makes complete sense to me that Kurt will later get married on a whim when he and Blaine get back together a second time. 

It’s funny that these two have a habit of - they’ll break up, and then when they get back together commit even more to each other.  (Though, no, I don’t believe they’ll break up after they get married.)  Burt’s words last us through the end of the series - only Burt speaks of experience, and Kurt still has to learn that.  

And Kurt takes the first step as he heads towards Dalton to make his decision. 

All You Need is Love

Kurt’s look of wonder as he heads up to Dalton.  I don’t know what Kurt was thinking he was getting - but I don’t think he realized that his proposal would be ripped straight out of one of those Disney movies -- all beauty and music and extravagance and love and Blaine being that incredible Disney Prince that he had always dreamed of.  And, oh hey, there are all his friends, and the people he knows and yes, of course Kurt knows the significance of coming back to this place - the place where their story began. 

Kurt - as he wanders through Dalton, amazed and amused by the theatrical display going on around him.  He was unsure until he saw Blaine - but once he saw Blaine, and let Blaine take him on this magical, romantic tour, Kurt was reminded of one aspect that really is a part of their love story.  The fairy tale romance.  And it still is, even as many times as this show is going to show us a more realistic side.  Here is the grand musical-esque gesture that, let’s be honest, Kurt has loved all his life.  It probably is one of those out of reality moments - it’s just that crazy. 

It’s funny - because the song is All You Need is Love.  And anyone who has been in a long term relationship will tell you that the song is idealistic at best.  Love isn’t all that you need - as Burt explained to us somewhat in the speech coming over.  But it is a foundation for something great to be built.  And their romance is that something great. 

Kurt is so overwhelmed, but in a very, very good way.  I mean - there’s freakin’ rose petals coming from the ceiling.  Damn, Blaine.  

And man - does this scene push all the right nostalgia buttons as Kurt comes down that staircase like the day they met.  Kurt gets that - and I think the reality that this is really happening - this fantasy that he really dreamed over - that this sweet, wonderful man will ask him for forever. 

Blaine:  We met right here. I took this man's hand and we ran down that hallway. And for those that know me, I'm not in the habit of taking people's hands I've never met before but I think that my soul knew something that my mind and body didn't know yet. It knew that our hands were meant to hold each others, fearlessly and forever, which is why it's never really felt like I've been getting to know you, it's always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if every lifetime you and I have lived, we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime because all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do is spend my life loving you. So Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?

Kurt: Yeah. Yes.

This speech is one of the most beautiful things the show ever wrote.  And watching Kurt’s face during all of this? He’s so moved.  He loves this man, so, so much.  He doesn’t say a word during this, he doesn’t have to.  His face says it all as all the emotions come rushing forward.  

I love that, despite the public setting, despite everyone being around them, it’s a very intimate and personal moment.  (Um, maybe because the camera’s so close, lol.)  Kidding aside - this moment, where Blaine asks Kurt to marry him is not about the spectacle (though these goobers do get off on the spectacle), it’s about declaring their love for another - it’s about committing full-heartedly.  

And I kind of love that Kurt’s so emotional that it takes him a second to respond - a breathy ‘yeah’ cause that’s all he can manage.  Blaine’s once again taken his breath away. 

Kurt went in not knowing what to expect, but by the end - it’s yes -- yes this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.  His heart takes over for his brain for once, and he’s all in, wherever that might take them.   

(And I mean - Kudos to both Chris and Darren on their acting here - they sell this couple so damn well, I can’t even.  Just, yeah.) 

Alright, so I’m probably cheating using another BTS shot - but I love the full body shot of the kiss.  I mean look at these goobers putting the puzzle back together with a kiss.  And those suits are just so gorgeous - I cannot compliment the costume department enough. 

Now - for opinion time -- for me, I see this as more than a proposal - I see this more as their spiritual marriage.  It’s designed to look like a wedding in its scope, with Kurt walking down an aisle and his dad taking him up there and the bridesmaids waiting at his side and the groom ready for him.  (God - does that mean Will is the priest?) But for me - this is their wedding, and everything after this (because dreams come true, not free) is learning to navigate that kind of committed relationship.  But season 6!! Yeah - but season 6.  They’re going to fuck up again - because of all the reasons Burt says here - they’re young, and dumb, and have never done this before.  

But yeah, their wedding doesn’t really compare to it (even if the writing of that episode was pitch perfect, idk if they could have topped this).  It’s more a technical, yes they’re legally married now.  But here - here starts that second half of the journey, the -- what comes after happily ever after -- stuff that I find so fun and interesting.  Most stories stop at happily ever after.  I’m grateful that we get to see that it’s not all perfect beyond.  

I mean - we are still in the middle of this story, not at the end ;) 

But yeah - I love this moment so, so much.  And I love that Kurt gets to have this happy moment, big and romantic and ending with a kiss and a promise of forever with the man he loves.  :) 

I’m including the whole thing here - because it’s such a thing of beauty.  The boys look gorgeous in their suits, Dalton is beautifully lit, Blaine’s speech is really just pitch perfect.  Everything about this scene is amazing and wonderful and romantic and I encourage you to watch it again.  It may be my favorite moment in the entire series.  

Oh season 5 - how I do adore you.  :) 

[yeahwesaidthat]

TWWS: Info Dump

Yes, I know, it’s been ages, hence the quote dump. Also, some new stuff/updates:

I was flipping through my old D&D stuff and it turns out one of my favourite quotes is incorrect (I’d suspected as much for some time). So that’s been fixed in this one.

The next update is going to be a “best of D&D.” I want to try and set up a voting system so people can vote for their favourites and then narrow them all down to The Ultimate Quote. 

Certain quotes have links on them for reference. Hopefully they show up well enough.

Some lines in quotes are reactions/facial expressions. Fun with emoticons!

TWWS now has awards! See below:

TWWS MVP AWARD:

This entry’s MVP award goes to MR for his constant D&D witticisms! Congratulations, M!

Each entry will feature a new MVP. The choosing is based on quote quality and/or frequency. In M’s case, it’s both. People can be MVPs more than once, but not two entries in a row.

Anyway, on with the show!

Overheard at Random

Book recommendation: KCB: "Mafia elves." KH: "...SOLD!"

Deciding what to get for dinner: SB: "Why would you want a whole pizza?" KH: "Why wouldn’t I want a whole pizza?" E: "I have to agree with her logic."

About a few rounds of Magic: SB: "I won!" E: "Revisionist history - you lost the first game." KC and KH: "Alternative facts."

A Slack conversation about the time of day: A: "You started drinking already?" S: "Who says I stopped?"

About pork rolls: SW: "That stuff that makes [state] bearable to live in."

Ordering lunch: American AP: "If you double-down on pork, no one will judge you." KH: "Says the Jewish man." American AP: "Think of it as eating my portion."

Overheard at Work

KH: "Where is your Christmas cheer?" S: "Right next to my menorah."

Cash Register Gift Bag Listing: "Xmas Menorah"

About covering injuries: L: "Do you want a finger condom?" KH: (doubles over laughing) L: "This is a serious fucking question, KH, do you want one or not?"

Leaving work: S: "I parked in Fucking Yonderville." Coworker: "How's the real estate there? Is it a good school district?" S: "No."

Unearthed Arcana: Overheard During 4e D&D

QUOTE CORRECTION: Making sure it's really dead: SB: "You kick the head and it goes sailing through the open door of the tomb. You hear a voice in the darkness go ’Gooooooooal!’”

Player: "There's no 'I' in 'team' but there's a 'we' in 'weapon.'"

Location, location, location: Player: "We're not in Shadowfell, we're in 'rainbow-and-happy-things-fell.' We're in Candyland."

Tavern woes: (Player or DM?): "When I say 'microbrew' I mean I charge you double and give you less beer."

Pluralisation issues: Probably KH: "Wouldn't it be orifi [instead of orifices]?"

Going overboard with the somatic component: (Player or DM?): "The Arcane Macarena."

Almost certainly about a holy sword: (Player or DM?): "She's swinging around a flashlight for Jesus."

No idea what it's from, but I think I'll use it as a slogan: Player: "I am the terror that quacks in the night."

Fourth Ed Goodberry equivalent...I hope: (Player or DM?): "You're up, you're alive, somebody shoved nuts in your mouth..."

Probably dealing with a were-rat: Almost certainly RJ: "Regener-rat!"

So I had this drake mount named Pork Chop...: Probably SB: "That's Pork Chop class damage." Almost certainly RJ: "Pork 'im!"

Overheard During D&D

ST: "Is the door with the spiders behind it unlocked?" KH: "Don’t."

After a familiar was poofed: AD: "I miss [familiar]." CD: "It's been two minutes." AD: "Whatever. I can miss who I want."

Beautiful references (read in Rorschach's voice): AA: "I'm not grappled with you," ST, AA, and KH: "You’re grappled with me!"

About remaining spells: KH: "I have three 1st-level slots and one 2nd-level slot." CD: "Those are 'keeping people alive' slots."

We went a little overboard on this guy: CD: "Are there any potions on Mr. Headless and Heartless?" AD: "That sounds like an emo band."

To the resident carnivorous warrior: ST: "I'm telling you, that heart is full of black evil. Don't eat it."

About being stranded: CD: "She left us on an island like Johnny Depp in the first Pirates movie." ST: "And we didn't have turtles or rum."

High-rollers: CD: "Twenty-four. Critty-four."

Trying to get up a ladderless shaft (can you dig it?): JB: "We could throw her up." ST: "We'd have to swallow her first."

Desperate tactics: KH: "Can a t-rex punch through a wall?"

About a couatl: AD: "I will draw it like one of my French girls."

About a guard boss encounter: CD: "So undead Mr. Cyclops was sitting here twiddling his undead thumbs?"

About doors marked with runes: AD: "'Cause if they say 'do not open'..." KH: "Then we're totally gonna open them." AD: "Well, you guys are going to open them..."

NPC interrogation: CD (IC): "So you are a powerful druid." JI (IC): "I am a moderately powerful druid."

About the location of a magic tattoo: AD: "Are you like a Care Bear but out of your butt?"

About canopic jars in the cyclops mummy's sanctum: ST: "Here's another jar of mummified nope."

About a loudly roaring creature: JI: "And he asks you to roll initiative as politely as he can."

About our situation: MR: "We made a very poor combat choice." RD: "What do you mean 'we'?" MR: "I made a bad combat choice." KC: "What is this 'we,' Pocahontas?"

The pervy paladin strikes again: SW (IC): "What took you so long?" A (IC): "I had something to take care of." (winks) SW (IC): "You know what? I'm sorry I asked."

Better without context: MGW: "When you're that big, you can explode as much as you want."

Adventures with the Polymorph spell: AS: "What's the AC [armor class] of a puppy?"

Horrific and chaotic evil regarding aforementioned puppy (which, to be fair, was originally a fire giant): AS (IC): "Don't worry, we can find a bag of holding and a river." MR (IC): "...There is a line, [character]." (gestures one way) "There is the line," (gestures way past it) "there is you."

Be careful who's listening: KH: "She's the pervy character; she scares everybody." (notices preteen with shocked expression) "You didn't hear any of that."

About the pervy paladin having a "moral" conversation: KH: "She's 'good cop'ping him instead of copping a feel?" SW: "She's good copping him instead of getting a good cop. There you go."

Continued fun with Polymorph: MR: "It's like discus, but with a puppy. Please don't put that on That's What We Said." KH: "Too late."

Storm King's Thunder: A Summary: MR: "This is Game of Thrones on a giant scale." Entire Table: (grooooooan)

Dealing with extra-limbed gorillas: ST: "Uh-oh! They must have been forewarned!" AD: "What makes you say that?" ST: "Forewarned is four-armed." AD: -_-

Negotiation skills: AD: "It's just me trying to bullshit him." JI: "Why don't you make a bullshit check?"

Difficult terrain: JI: "You get disadvantage from monkeys throwing poo at you."

Improvised weaponry: AD: "Ten whacking damage."

Trying to figure out if the staff is necromantic: CD: "We could kill a mouse in front of the staff. We could kill a mouse with the staff. How much is it to buy a mouse?"

When ideas are crazier than normal (which is already pretty crazy): AD: "What is wrong with you? I'm not even sure I mean [your character]."

SW: "Ok, I have a list of 'don't ask any questions.'"

Planning for the next campaign: MR: "Should I play a guy who puts the 'romance' back in 'necromancy'..."

About handing over a weapon: JB (IC): "I don't give my bone to anyone."

JB: "Anyone die while I was gone?" SW: "Not on the outside."

Tactical thinking: MR: "We may need to light his mansion on fire to cover our tracks."

Wizarding limits: JS: "You may not polymorph your zombies into t-rexes."

KH: "And the moral of the story is don't screw with powers you don't understand." BC: "Shh. Don't ever tell that to a wizard."

J: "Crown of Madness will help, right?" BC: "I don't think that's needed with this group."

JS: "You find several humanoids with missing brains." JS2: (nervous noise) BC: "Don't worry; they're not a threat to you."

Cannon fodder: KH: "You outfitted your zombies with red shirts, right?" BC: "They were born with red shirts."

BC: "Everything is a toy if you try hard enough." KH: "...I heard that wrong." BC: "No, you got it."

About the distance of a planar pilgrimage: CD: "That would be like walking to Europe." J: "If Europe was also on Mars."

Subtle Star Wars mid-inanity: KH: "I don't wanna fly; I wanna stealth." J: "Stealth fly." JS: "You can't stealth fly!" KH: "How do you stealth fly?" JI: "Fly casual."

Zombies aren't too smart: BC (IC): "Bobs, attack the closest gnoll!" Bobs: (run at gnoll party member) KH (OOC): "Et tu, Bob?" JS (OOC): "If this doesn't belong in your blog, I dunno what does."

Far too relatable: JS: "Twenty psychic damage." BC: "I've taken more psychic damage from my mother."

Asking planar creatures for advice: BC (IC): "Is the [creature] going to kill all of us if we investigate it?" JI (OOC): "He's the GM - of course it's going to say yes."

When the tiefling (part-demon) hears Celestial: KH (IC): "Does anyone speak the twinkly bell language?"

Worst-laid plans: KH (IC): "I have a very bad feeling about this." MR (IC): "You should."

Acronym fun with a magic item: JB: "AT&T: Advanced Telecommunications and Teleporting."

Obligatory quote/joke/meme for the elf ranger: KH: "Legolas, what do your elf eyes see?" JB: "I see people shipping me with Gimli."

Questionable on-deck combat tactics: MR: "Are you gonna keel-haul him manually?"

The proper response to the enemy when landing in said enemy's ambush: MR (IC): "You'll die for our insolence!"

Alignment debate: MR: "He wasn't evil; he was just a dick."

Verbally dueling with a sea god: MR: "I basically just told Cthulu to shut up and go home."

When one fails to specify: AS: "She's got a really low [armor class] 'cause she's fat and slow." A: o.O? AS: "No, not you."

Our go-to combat tactic: MR: "Are we going to stupid the guy to death?"

Zing!: MGW (IC): "If you join me, I can make you the greatest dwarf who ever lived." L (IC): "I am the greatest dwarf who ever lived." Whole Table (OOC): "Ooooohhhhh!!!"

Another verbal duel with a sea god/character class limitations: KH: "I would say 'what is a god to a nonbeliever,' but I'm a cleric."

In a room of tempting levers and switches and shit: JI (IC): "Don't touch nothing." BC (IC): "Don't get between me and my touching."

Activating the mysterious device: BC (IC): "We did it! I wonder what we did?"

Creative swearing: JS (IC): "By Baphomet's giant bull cock!"

Alternative to "cheese" during a picture take: JS: "Everyone say 'Jesus Christ, thank God I'm alive!'" We all said it with big picture smiles.

Ultimate cringe: KH: "My mom doesn't have a nerd bone in her body." MR: "She met your dad..."

Business as usual: KH: "This seems like a bad idea, but go ahead."

Bone club + bags of loot = asking for trouble: JB: "I hang the sacks off my bone."

The loot bags again: JB: "I thought I saw it fly out of my sack." MR: "You should have a healer look at that."

Overheard During A Crazy-Ass Night of D&D

Obligatory bone club jokes start now: SW (IC): "Cover your eyes! He's whipping out his sword!" JB (IC): "It's nothing compared to my bone!"

Again with the damn club: RD: "Do you want to bone it, my friend?" JB: "I want to bone it."

JB: "The bone jokes aren't as humerus anymore." KH: (cringes, reaches for notebook)

Old adages: MR: "No plan survives contact with the enemy." (IC) "But then, no enemy has survived contact with us!" (OOC) "Was that quote-worthy?" KH: "Yes."

About DR's long-ago description of the Spirit Guardians spell: MR: "Don't use your holy fuck-off field just yet." KH: "...Did you steal that from the blog?"

Ready check: MR: "Ready? ...Ready?" KH: (Mel Brooks movie quote voice) "WAIT FOR IT!"

KC: "She can ride me. I don't care." KH: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) KC: "...I'M A BEAR IN ARMOR."

SW: "Aim for the throat!" JB: "Don't tempt me."

The previous quote foretold this: JB: "He's gonna feel my bone down his throat."

About height differences: KH: "Are you gonna bone him in the groin?"

About collecting giant heads for bounties: SW: "They pay the bills." AS: "Kills to pay the bills."

Misusing a letter-changing magic item: SW: "Can you use the Book of Wit to make him cast Mild Magic?"

Advantageous druidic inanity: KC: "Are you still riding the flying bear?" MR: "It's flying now?" KC: "Yeah, he flew up to unlock the door." AS: "...So he's a flying bear with armor..."

About aforementioned druid: AS: "Here, I'll ride you now."

That damned club yet again: AS: "He can smash the Vonindod!" SW: "More like the Bone-indod."

I give up: JB: "...And I wanna bone the hell out of it."

About a high strength score: KC: "Is your athletics 'yes'?" JB: "My athletics is 'yes'!"

Spell modifications for humourous purposes: MR: "Using a Dex[terity] save for Zone of Truth means they're literally dodging the question."

Tactics 101: Use Your Surroundings: SW: "Why properly kill giants when we can have their own castle do it?"

Magical battle broadcast: SW: "Should we set up the planar TVs, guys?"

About the god of storms approving the storm cleric's actions: JB: "He's like, 'yes, I approve. Thunderous applause!'"

About the war cleric and flying bear: JB: "If they're riding each other in the air, are they part of the mile high club?"

As is per usual: MR: "We may have once again survived this by the skin of bullshit."

The only proper reaction when large objects swing: in this case, a gargantuan golem head: KH: "I came in like a Voooooonindooooooood!"

About 5e drow society: MR: "It's now more of an egalitarian dickbaggery."

When web-casting spiders give gifts: KC: "See? I even gift-wrapped him for you."