#(she says. for the millionth time)
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I was reading a book today and I think I've finally cracked the code of why I'm so invested and somewhat defensive of female characters of dubious morality and/or have been wronged by the narrative (and fandom).
Her
Reading about this goddess and her wrath and rage, both justified and not, often pointed at people who didn't deserve it but were the only ones she could take it out on, changed me forever.
#i'm not joking i was reading a book about her and i was like... oh this explains a LOT.#hera#greek mythology#i'm saying stuff#me at 11 years old reading greek myths for the millionth time and having a revelation: zeus is the problem here. but!! SO IS SHE!!
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#gonna! 👍 throw! 👍 up! 👍#rose reads tvc#literally what is there to say.#i will say it for the millionth time i do not understand anne rice. i don't see how she could write armand's reaction here#write the whole situation to be so sickening and tragic and then expect that like#it'll all be cool and fine after this and marius is great and right about everything or whatever the fuck#marius die in a fire for real this time#god. i need fanfic of someone torturing him to death. does this exist do i need to write it. someone cut out this man's tongue
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Woah pvz plant headcannon designs?!?!? (Sorta)
They're all pretty short because imagining most of them being average human heights is kinda scary. Also peashooter being short af is really funny
(Also I was just eyeballing the heights so I don't think they're very accurate. Just take it as approx and not the actual amount ig)
Bonus art I did on same canvas !!
#ok but you can tell who i draw most often#by how messy the sketch is#the reason the sketches for the ones i draw less often are cleaner is because i was tweaking it alot#the messier ones i just know off by heart lol#pvz#pvz gw2#pvzgw2#plants vs zombies#garden warfare 2#fanart#art#my_art#peashooter#pvz sunflower#I've forgotten citron's laser gun thingy for the millionth time#um it's detachable ok?#ok i have even more to say actually#IF I DID THIS AGAIN..#i won't make citron the shortest#he's actually p tall in game#i just squashed him#but next time I'll squash him less#cuz peashooter deserves the true spot as shortest#also can you tell i was fighting for my life to make sunflower as tall as possible without it looking weird DSGHFH#she is a SUNFLOWER she has to be TALL#but in game she's TINY!!!#also next time I'll make cactoos look more stylised#bcus I've only just learnt how to draw her without it looking like a streaming pile of shit#ok.. i think that's all
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just realized that tetsu's birthday is soon and if i wanna write something for it well........
#well then i need to get on it LMFOAKEKFMS#i make no promises or commitments. she says for the millionth time#its been so hard to write lately i blame it on the seasons . and the sun#bad brain bad bad brain#₊˚⊹⋆˚☂︎ bunny babbles ₊˚⊹⋆˚
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something to be said abt a foster pleading for anyone to adopt their extremely sweet and playful disabled tabby cat for over a year with absolute Crickets in response vs us making one post at 8pm with a frankly very poorly taken photo of a cute no-personality fluffy white kitten we have (who's not even been here 3 days!) and we have 45 comments within the hour and three of our adoption people with their phones blowing up
#i say something to be said but its been said before#its so weird how much value people put into the look of an animal vs its personality#look i love this kitten as much as the next guy but like. i dont know her#shes not got much going on and the only thing that sets her apart is her looks#and i know people will be throwing themselves at us to adopt her#but when we respond to the 15th app we got for her with 'hey you werent first but heres other options'#i already know theyll back out bc they couldnt get the shocking beautiful kitten they wantef#because it happens all. the. time.#we had a tripod siamese thing a few months ago and she got an application the night she was posted#and about 7 others too before we took her photo down#and the first person in line took her not necessarily bc she was perfect#but because she was good and wow what a beautiful cat everyone will be amazed by her!#whereas if they were there and met a tabby wjth the Same Exact Personality#and pros and cons#they wouldve moved on bc its just a tabby and theres no motivation to work with the animal#because it doesnt look pretty or unique#its been said a thousand times over by people way more articulate than me#but its so frustrating to watch it happen over and over again#we have mini aussie pups (aka longhaired chihuahuas with mearle color) who had adopters ready before they were even fixed#but when the millionth sweet baby pitbull puppy comes through theres no response#or when a senior fucked up chow chow is found as a stray people are biting at the bit to be approved to adopt it#but when those same people are asked if they can take in a young farm dog from a hoarding situation#they ghost us#shelter posting
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Tiny photoshoot!
#bjd#legit bjd#fragiledolls#fragiledolls joodella#ball jointed doll#slim msd#msd#dollblr#I say msd but she’s about 35 cm which technically lands her in the yosd category. but c’mon she is not a yosd#she’s just short SHBDJSSBJ#need to repaint the face sometime (as I’ve said for the millionth time) I am sick of her lips they’re far too red!!#also ignore the carpet pls this apartment has had this beige carpet since we moved in and it looks so gross esp in pics
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#I’m in such a slump of like wow I really don’t care about myself#I need to get it together#she says for 7 millionth time
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Honestly dipped back into hsr at the last second of black swans banner bc I wanted her so bad lol, but I haven't played in forever so I could only pull a handful of times then give up.... Then I hated acheron's look so much I dropped it again LMAO but now that they're lesbians caught in an Eldritch horror romance 👀👀👀👀
#i like the game q not just not time for both this and genshin#then all the women were wearing that same dress and i got fatigue#then black swan came out and I'm only sapphic i had 2 shoot my shot#then acheron's looking like a rehash of seele's look which i also....... wasn't a fan of let's say#but as much as i hate that look and those shorts they keep putting on the girls that animation changed my brain chemistry#i shouldn't be surprised it's like a dark verse eimiko 😣#once i realized she was the raiden expy i should've expected lesbianism but i don't know honkai lore at all outside of Star rail 🤷#text posts#anyway I'm gonna have to get back on the game 😞#well i will say the one thing i DO know about honkai verse for sure is that there's gonna be lesbians#seeing all the sapphic fans get so excited then seeing Western fans still complaining that it isn't enough or that it isn't real/male gazey#can't stress enough for the millionth time that this game comes from a country where queer stuff gets censored#and one thing i know about honkai is that they made their lesbians canon in another game and then got hit by the censor hammer#and one thing i can respect about hyv in the middle of their fanservice bs is them saying it the lesbians can't have it no one can#so now there's no PC ships and every other character has a same sex 'best friend' bc that's what they're allowed to call them lol#anyway
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Overall though Roommates with Benefits is another book that just tries too hard imo. So looks like it’ll be another diamond mine for me
#choices rwb#choices roommates with benefits#choices#choices stories you play#playchoices#I for sure sound like a broken record at this point but I’m beyond sick of the doe-eyed MC in literally every book#if PB is gonna enter their trashy Episode/Chapters era could they at least bring something a lil different to the table#would’ve been minutely more interesting if MC was the confident party animal#or if their dialogue and narration just wasn’t so awful#but really and truly this trope and ones like it aren’t for me#and I’ve always known that but additionally I’ve just never really understood how it’s enjoyable for some people#like how do you not get bored when reading about the heat between MC’s legs for the millionth time 😷#or ‘supposedly hot and cocky guy character’ saying something that’s actually corny af every 5 seconds#and MC acting like she’s never experienced anything in her life at all#idk y’all I’m just sick of it 🤷🏽♀️#like no matter how many different settings and situations you use these characters and tropes in it’s still the same story 💀
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Random Thought: What is the situation around Mike’s first meeting with the Team? Because I’ve seen people, over the years, treat the whole thing as a plan of his, probably at least in part due to how much things go his way until the end. The thing is, we have two options-
1. The whole situation in which he meets the Tennysons is planned on Mike’s part
This would require Mike to have known about and been watching Gwen during the beginning of the episode, not made a move at any point prior, discovered the team was going to be looking for new members, flew off to grab one of his victims and use her to cause a commotion, so he could run in and make a dazzling first impression that would get Gwen immediately trusting him and therefor make her an easier target.
That is, so much.
2. The whole thing was just a chance encounter from his perspective that he decided to take advantage of
Which would mean either Mike was chasing or escorting Trina- we know she’s a repeat victim and that Mike’s victims seem to be drawn back to him, but we don’t know enough about that aspect of his powers to know the odds of her having been fleeing him- and likely got distracted from her by Gwen and her assloads of energy entering sensing range. Whether he’d have seen Team Tennyson doing their thing and realized he could use this to his advantage or he was going to save Trina anyway because he’s not wasting a recurring, self-delivering meal, we cannot know.
This is what I would assume happened- because it’s the more sensible and plausible of the two options- were we not speaking of Michael ‘How do I get back into Legerdomain? Okay first I’ll start a cult’ Morningstar.
It’s plausible that he specifically would stalk The Biggest Target for however long and then under-go a multi-layered plan to get her alone and within eating range rather than just, going up and charming her like a normal person. But it makes more sense as a rule for the whole situation to have been a case of ‘the two factions may never have met had the Tennysons not been looking for Plumber badges and Mike not had one on him’.
Were we talking about literally anybody else I wouldn’t wonder, but Mike is enough himself that I have to.
#if i remember correctly trina seemed frightened of mike in that scene but we can't be sure how much she was *before* that#she didn't seem to be *rushing* ya know?#didn't seem like she was fleeing anybody#so *was* he escorting her and almost being hit by a truck and a collapsing bridge cracked whatever effect his bite has on people?#and if he was that says a lot about him actually#it would mean that at the least he's not the sort to waste resources#(and lead to me screaming about couple's retreat again because for the millionth time they lampooned his character for that ending)
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tumblr auto deleted my rant because they know I’m right
#Chatterbomb#Ami tag pretty empty and it’s mostly talk ab her sexualization#Like cool. Glad we cover that for the millionth time. OBVIOUSLY ITS BAD!!!#There’s hardly any fanart of her :(#To paraphrase ig: I want to make a stupid collection of doodles of lupin being jealous of zenigata achieving father status and adopting Ami#And pouting about being the one she has a crush on instead of jigen or Goemon (teen girls prefer the dark and mysterious types or something#I have a few ways he figures it out (she outright tells him by saying Zenigata might be easier to remember than “Emmy”#Or going to his apartment for some reason and seeing out of place decor or a closet with small clothes.#Or he thinks she messed up the “pops” nickname but Ami was just calling him papa or whatever something cute and dumb#Or she’s wearing a hemmed old green trench coat#She definitely was very straightforward with some shit like “it’s the most logical thing for you to be my father because you fit the mold”#Or something#yatas “what like you’re her father or something” killed me on impact. Weird girl and weird dad#They make me ill. The hyperfixation is hyperfixationing
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(previous part)
it's been a week since you've spoken to arranged!gojo, and he feels like he's about to start going crazy.
you don't speak during your meals, not even when he addresses you in a question. sometimes you spare him a glance, but he'd still rather see your icy glare than see nothing at all.
and he knows he fucked up. he knows that you seeing him alone with anya was perhaps the worst possible place you could’ve caught him, but he's been almost begging you to listen to him, to hear his side. but every time he goes to explain you leave abruptly, leaving him alone, feeling the looks of pity from those around the two of you.
and you know you're being petty. after all, the two of you are only bound by words, nothing else. if anything, the two of you were just becoming friends, so this shouldn't hurt you as much as it does.
but you hear the whispers of the ladies, hear of their secret proposals of how gojo would surely bed them if they just asked. how miserable he must be trapped with you, how this marriage is ruining his life. and you know anya, know about her history with him. before you were his wife you were the higher echelon wallflower, listening to all the gossip, observing from afar.
you've gathered some ideas in your head as to why he might want to speak with you. perhaps he wants to gently break the news that he's found a mistress, one that he actually loves. or that maybe he's already had one and now you know why he's been so secretive.
so the more he tries to talk to you, the more you pull away. you don't know why he cares so much, why this even matters to him. if anything, you feel like he should be content with your silence.
but he's not, and gojo grows more restless by the hour.
he decides he can't live like this anymore. tonight he's going to make you listen to him, even if you want nothing to do with him.
you're holed up in your room, talking with alina as she dabs lavender oil on your neck before you go to sleep. you know she knows about your silence with gojo, but ever friend, she does nothing to bring it up.
well, she wouldn't have to if he didn't come knocking feverishly at your door.
you watch in your mirror as she peeks her head out, her gasp of surprise causing a sinking pit to form in your stomach. you can hear how she scrambles with the titles of my lord, how she explains that you're nearly about to go to sleep.
it's late, the only light is the flickering of the candles on your nightstand. he should be asleep by now.
gods, you wonder for the millionth time this week, why does he care so much?
alina finishes up, closing the door slightly as she turns to you, her eyes finding yours in the mirror.
"i'm sorry my lady," she bows her head almost apologetically, "but my lord wants to talk to you. he's requested me to leave...if you'll excuse me," she bows, quickly leaving, not giving you any time to actually excuse her. you know she can't stay any longer, but you do wish she put up more of a fight. you watch her skirt bustle away, the door being left slightly ajar.
you try to act nonchalant, continuing to dab the oil onto your wrists as you look down, even when you hear the door click shut, even when you can feel his presence several feet behind you.
you sigh through your nose, heat rising to your cheeks.
"what?" you bite out, your own voice shocking you. you want to get this over with, not too desperate to hear about how he's ready to take on a mistress and shun you away.
you can hear him take in a deep breath, your eyes briefly looking up in the mirror to catch his, the same ones that make your knees weak, and avert your gaze.
"you haven't spoken to me in over a week," he says after a beat of silence.
you shrug indifferently, despite the fact that he could probably ask you the specific amount of hours it's been since the two of you had talked and you'd give an accurate number.
"i've been busy," you murmur, taking your earrings off as you place them gently in the little glass bowl to the side.
he doesn't say anything about your blatant lie, just nods slowly, as if he understands.
"i missed hearing you talk," gojo tells you quietly, almost as if his voice had been stuck in his throat, and you wonder if any man before him had ever tried to sweet talk his wife before he told her about his new mistress.
you don't say anything, still refusing to look at him as you stand up from your seat, turning off one of the candles near you as you smooth out some of the wrinkles of your nightgown.
"is this what you really want to tell me gojo?" you say bluntly, looking to the side momentarily, getting a longer look at his bulky figure, how he tries to make himself seem smaller, "that you miss my stupid jokes and dull stories?"
"they're not stupid," he quickly cuts in, his voice a little stronger, brows furrowed, "and i like your stories."
you roll your eyes, moving around the bed, to the side where he's not, and fluff your pillows. you've never found this useful, but it gives you something to do with your hands other than fidgeting with them.
truth be told, you're reflecting. you're scared of what it is he has to say, and so you try to appear stronger, and less caring, despite the fact that it's tearing you apart.
you try not to feel self-conscious of the fact that this is his first time ever seeing your room, or the fact that it's so bland. you didn't come to this estate with many things, and so you've tried to spruce up the space as much as you can, but aside from the few flowers and paintings on the wall, you fear it looks bland compared to everything else he's seen.
"and no," gojo adds, running a hand through his already tousled white hair as his arms crossed over his chest, and you finally allow yourself to stare at him, "that's not all i wanted to say."
he paused for a second.
"i don't know why i followed her out, or why i even stayed to hear her speak, but she kept saying these things about..." he trails off, gnawing on his lips as your eyes narrow slightly.
"me?" you finish for him, and his eyes dart to yours.
gojo nods a little bit, arms bulging a little bit as if remembering what she had said.
"i'm used to people staring at me, i lived with it my entire life. but with you, people..." he struggles to find words, "people stare longer. and i don't know why."
you raise a brow.
"do you want me to explain?" you say and he looks at you briefly, almost in a brazen way.
he shakes his head as if he had steered off track.
"that's beside the point. what i wanted to tell you is that she...she was saying some nonsense and i was about to leave until she offered for me to stay at the hostelry she was at." his blue eyes are wavering, his finger itching to get closer to you. this stupid bed is in the middle of you two and he wishes it were gone.
your breathing hitches a little bit, and you hope he doesn't see the sad tilt on your lips.
"so i banished her. or, well, i guess you saw her and then i banished her, but i would've done it regardless," he explains hurriedly, "look, i'm sorry...really sorry. if you want me to-"
"you banished her?" you cut him off, voice raised slightly in confusion.
his mouth gapes open for a second, and then blinks slowly, nodding.
"of...course," he tilts his head, his gorgeous head, slightly "you know that i am married, right? to you? she was offering to-"
"i thought you were going to tell me that you slept with her. o-or i don't know! that you were going to make her your mistress or something!" you spew out, your voice raised as you pace around the floor, moving a little bit closer to him as his eyes widen.
"why would you ever think that?" gojo says in a panicked tone, nothing like the man who commanded the northern army, but more like somebody who was watching his world burn in front of him.
"why?" you exclaim, shocked, "why? are you daft? every single woman wants to sleep with you! every single time we host those dinners, o-or we go to those parties, they look at you and they look at me and they pity you. i hear the whispers of the ladies, how they wouldn't mind being the other woman."
gojo hears the way your voice wavers, how your lips tremble, and the way you try not to let your bottom lip quiver. he sees the way you try to stay strong, to keep your image unbridled, but right now he feels like he's watching you break and he doesn't know what to do.
"so? what makes you think i'd do anything with them?" gojo argues, his voice raised a little bit, not in shouting, but in genuine disbelief.
you take a moment to step back and observe his behavior, and a nagging voice in your head tells you that he's telling you the truth. that he's concerned and worried, that maybe all he came to tell you tonight was an apology.
but that can't be correct.
so you sigh, your arms crossed over your chest protectively.
"i...i don't know," you murmur, "you sleep in another wing, you're always away. i thought...maybe..." you can't meet his eyes, fidgeting with the ring on your finger.
gojo takes a step forward, lips parted, cheeks rosy and flushed.
the two of you don't say anything for a minute, his chest heaving up and down. you feel like there's a weight both removed and added onto your shoulder.
"why didn't you say anything?" he whispers, "did you think...did you think i was...?" he can't finish the sentence, the words themselves too gruesome.
he doesn't say anything as he takes another tentative step closer.
you watch him, your eyes mirroring one another.
"i made a vow to you," his voice is heavy, traveling across the spanning stone walls, going deep into your bones, "and even if you prefer me to be your friend, i'll keep to that vow till the day i die."
your eyes gloss over, lips trembling.
you don't say anything, taking a couple steps forward as you smash against his chest, face crumpling against the stone wall of his torso as you hug him tightly, hoping that he can't feel the tears that seep through his nightshirt.
never in your life has somebody made a promise to you. and never in your life has somebody kept to that promise.
"thank you," you murmur, your voice muffled as his arms wrap around your body, steady and strong.
"and anyways, i'd prefer to be married to you than those miserable women any day," he mumbles into your hair and you laugh wetly, squeezing your arms tighter.
"really?" you say, tears blurring your vision.
"really," he hums, not able to say anything because he fears what you'd say if he told you that he'd rather be your husband and your friend. but he'd keep that inside, respecting your wishes.
if only he knew you wished the same.
#gojo x reader#gojo x reader angst#gojo x reader fluff#gojo x you#gojo drabble#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#jjk drabble#arranged!gojo
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oh my godddd oH MY GODDDD
“Well done, enlighten me, what’s your name?”
“Enlighten me, King of Ithaca…”
OH MY GODDDDD
#this isn’t even anything it’s just a common fancy thing to say#I’m just having Thoughts (tm) rn listening to the thunder saga for the millionth time today#I could go as far to bring up the polarity of its use in both circumstances#Athena genuinely asking because she doesn’t know and she respects Odysseus for his talent#vs#Zeus asking despite being well aware of what his response will be#he’s just playing with him and mocking him out of disrespect#idk man this musical is rewiring my brain
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Big ruby shaded eyes, matching that of her father’s, have this adorable thin layer of gloss over them as she pleads with her parent for the millionth time.
“Daddy pwease?” She has the cutest little pout on her face, one that’s worked on her mother time and time again that’s sure to work on her father too—
“No.” Sukuna says yet again.
The child is tired of asking and receiving that same answer over and over. She doesn’t understand one bit why but she hates hearing that word. Folding her arms, she lets out an annoyed puff, “Mommy would never tell me no…”
One statement and there’s already another vein bulging in the right corner of Sukuna Ryomen’s forehead. “Go away, brat.” He breathes out in an overly irritated tone.
The child, unable to take no for an answer and more like her father than she even realizes, takes her foot and brings it down on the curse’s foot in frustration.
If he wasn’t ticked off before, he damn sure is now. “You little—“
“Sukuna,” And there it is, the voice of the sole human in this reality who could ever even dream of cutting the king of curses off mid-sentence. Not only is it you, the mother of his overly insolent child, but you have the nerve to give him that scolding tone he hates (loves).
He scowls for a long moment before looking down to the smaller human who carries more of your features than his. “Fine, child.” Sukuna drawls out after a long roll of his many eyes.
Then, with a big smile plastered all over her small face, her hands are shooting up and she’s making a grab motion with her hands.
Sukuna stares down at her and sighs, “You really are a spoiled brat, y’know…” He grumps while leaning down to pick his daughter up with one out of his two pairs of hands. “…Just like your damn mother.”
The child’s smile fades for a moment and she tilts her head, “Damn?” She repeats in a confused tone, making Sukuna’s heart spike.
“Wait-, don’t… don’t say that.” He’s been down this road one two many times—having taught the child how to say ‘fuck’ the moment she began spewing words. He received an earful from you that he didn’t care for so, here he is now, “That’s a bad word.”
His daughter blinks, “But, Daddy said it.”
Sukuna groans lowly in irritation, “Daddy can say whatever the hell he wants.”
“Hell?” Oh she had to be doing this on purpose, knowing her mother was only a room away.
“Child.” The curse scolds, “Are you trying to irritate me?”
She shrugs playfully, “This is what you get for telling me no.”
“You asked me if you could draw on my face.” He deadpans.
“And you should’ve said yes,” You suddenly chime in, entering the room, “Instead of teaching her more curse words.”
The little girl snickers in Sukuna’s arms and he swears he has an image of the child being flung across the room for just a moment. That image is interrupted by the girl speaking again.
“Like fuck?” She says loud and clear. “I heard Daddy say it again earlier today—“
A big hand goes over her mouth (practically her entire face) and she’s cut off by her father who’s innocently smiling at you, his darling wife.
“Ignore her. I was just about to let her draw on my face so,” He glances down at his daughter who’s giggling victoriously beneath his palm and then sighs, “If you’ll excuse us.”
You’re left smiling at the two as Sukuna turns away with his daughter and exits the room—the sound of them bickering as soon as they’re out of sight heard moments later.
And the next time you lay eyes on the two, Sukuna’s got a face full of stickers and marker and his little mini-me has a mocking face full of her father’s markings. To which you just had to take a million and one pictures of.
#no thoughts just sukuna fluff#reader x sukuna#sukuna x you#sukuna ryomen x reader#jjk fluff#fluff#sukuna fluff#sukuna x reader#jjk sukuna#sukuna jjk#sukuna ryomen#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#jjk ryomen#ryomen x reader#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#ryomen x you#jujutsu ryomen#ryomen fluff#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff#fluff jjk#jjk#jjk fanfic#jjk fandom
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(Mild DW Christmas 2023 Spoilers in tags)
#watched the latest xmas episode!!! it was fun I had fun. I like both ruby and 15 a lot and the older ladies BETTER show up again because#they were my favorite (to probably NOBODY'S surprise)#(<-both characters are VERY obviously being set up as recurring characters so yes I'll bet they show up again)#and I laughed a lot!!#and the discussion/parallels between ruby being adopted into a loving home vs the doc finding...uh.........Her™. that was GOOD SHIT#idk if I just have my Skepticism Glasses on but I WAS more focused on like...'oh that was a really good acting choice/oh that line delivery#was the most effective possible line delivery/that shift of expression was excellently-done and felt organic' instead of being#fully immersed in the story? I was very much like 'I am watching a story' and being...aware? of Me Watching A Story?#as opposed to like...getting fully lost in the episode to the point where it felt like I was THERE WITH the characters. if that makes sense#and idk if that was just me side-eyeing russell as a defense mechanism (because he has to prove to me that he's not going to#retread the same ground for the 50 millionth time. and that he's not going to be Weird™ about the fact that the doc is currently a moc)#or if I was supremely Out Of It™ or if that says something about the actual WRITING of the episode but it's unusual enough for me#that I thought it was worth mentioning#I have some other like...Preliminary Thoughts™ but I feel like it wouldn't be fair to put them out there when there's only one full episode#with these characters. so I'll see if anything changes before I talk about them.#I WAS disappointed she didn't ask The Question at the very end of the episode though.#but the most IMPORTANT takeaway. is that the lady they got to sing the Musical Number actually knows how to healthily sing#(<-see the first word in my url lmao)
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Baby Blues
Pairing - Sylus x f!MC
Summary - In the first two weeks of being new parents, the dynamic hasn’t been quite what you and Sylus expected. He’s eager to be involved, but your daughter doesn’t seem to have warmed to him.
Word count - 2.7k
⚠️Warning⚠️ - Mentions of pregnancy and childbirth. Hurt/comfort, fluff, and a little sprinkle of angst.
Your newborn didn’t like Sylus.
It sounded ridiculous, but you know he was thinking it too. You didn’t have the gall to say it out loud—not that it even needed to be said. The fact was definitely lingering between you both.
You never thought much of why she would wriggle and kick up a storm in your stomach whenever he touched the swell of your belly, but you now had an inclination that it was because she didn’t like his hands there.
It was strange and upsetting, but he didn’t seem too hurt by it so far, only silently helpless as he watched you do everything. You were two weeks postpartum, so your emotions were already all over the place. It seemed as though Sylus was holding his own feelings back to make room for yours, and when you had asked him about it, he simply kissed your forehead and reassured you that he was fine. All while your screaming daughter cried for you against his chest.
Not that he opened up to you all that often. You did manage to get things out of him with a push sometimes, but he was like an unyielding gate, refusing to open to anyone.
Your exhaustion was only adding to the toll on your fragile emotions. The baby only wanted your touch, and sleep was almost impossible for you because of that very reason. Only you could feed her. Only you could soothe her. Only you could touch her.
That was one thing that was really getting to Sylus. The bloodshot whites of your eyes as you rocked the fussy newborn to sleep and fed her at all hours of the morning. The barely touched plates of food that ended up stone cold and in the bin. Not to mention the completely non-existent ten minutes you needed to at least have a wash without having to run out of the shower to her aid.
He must have felt quite useless in the weeks where you should be recovering, but he didn’t want you to worry about his feelings by indulging you in his thoughts.
Your pregnancy had been smooth, ending with a good twenty-seven hours of rather torturous labour, and pushing that went on for an agonising two hours. It had all been worth it, though. Your little bundle of joy with tufts of platinum hair had finally greeted you both with a piercing wail, but eased her protests once placed against your heaving chest.
You just wished she would settle with both parents.
It was another day of desperate wailing, your arms becoming so heavy with the exertion of having no option but to hold her. You tried to put her in her pram for Sylus to push her around for a while, but her cries only increased to the point of her little face turning purple. You couldn’t sit and just listen to it, and you absolutely would not ignore her—no matter how much Sylus pushed for you to go and get some sleep.
“She wants me,” you say for what felt like the millionth time that week.
Sylus was evidently reluctant to stop trying, but he wouldn’t keep you from her. He conceded with a defeated huff, watching your every move as you gently lifted your screeching daughter out of the plush pram. Her screams died down quickly as you placed her against your chest, her ear-piercing wails whittling down to soft whimpers.
“Of all the dangerous paths I’ve crossed and violent challenges I’ve encountered, it’s our newborn daughter who finally defeats me,” he mumbles quietly, trying to make a lighthearted joke about it.
You tried to smile at his attempt to add a bit of humour to the situation, but the comment only made you cry. Hard.
“Hey.” He immediately stepped toward you, rubbing a large hand up and down your back soothingly. You had to give it to him, his patience with you in the last two weeks had been immaculate. “Don’t cry, sweetie.”
You couldn’t stop, your ragged breaths and shaking shoulders refusing to relent. “I d-don’t get it,” you bawl. “What are we doing d-differently?”
Sylus sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. His hand continued to rub soothing circles against your back to ease your upset. “Well, she did live inside you for nine months. Besides, you didn’t exactly like me either when we first met.”
He smiled faintly, tilting his head down to capture your gaze. Despite the obvious tease, he still seemed to be holding himself back. It was frustrating him more than he wanted to admit to you. You knew he was protecting your feelings, but you wished he would just show some sense of vulnerability.
You don’t dare set your sleeping daughter down in her moses basket, knowing full well that she would just wake straight back up. So the rest of the afternoon is spent with your tiny newborn curled up against your chest, a few feeding and changing breaks in between.
Once the day turned into night, nothing in the world sounded more appealing to you than a hot shower, a hot meal, and a hot cup of tea. But letting her scream and cry while you did that was not an option. It wasn’t fair on her, and it wasn’t fair on Sylus.
He didn’t leave you unless he absolutely had to throughout the day. You watched him every time he heard a little whimper from the baby, his hands flexing and twitching. Every time you had to get up to do something for her, he was either at your back or side.
He wanted to help.
The chef brought through a very large bowl of marinated chicken and pasta for you, upon Sylus’s instruction. As soon as the bowl was set on the little table beside your recliner chair, you almost began drooling. You hadn’t managed to eat much at all in the chaos, and Sylus wasn’t amused when you didn’t even get the chance to finish the two biscuits he’d brought you earlier in the day.
You reached a careful hand over to the fork, not even lifting it before your daughter began to wriggle and whine in your other arm. Dropping it immediately, you retract your hand, only making it halfway back to the fussy newborn before long, slender fingers wrapped themselves around your wrist.
“No,” Sylus says firmly. “Absolutely not.”
Your initial response is to immediately go on the defence. “She’s cry—”
“I know she’s crying,” he interrupted tightly. “I know. But you’re going to eat while your food is hot, and you’re going to do it without our screaming daughter on your chest.”
“But—”
“No buts.”
He had that commanding look in his eye, the one that would intimidate most, but was only used on you when he was especially adamant on you doing something necessary for yourself.
You were a little relieved to see him so passionate, if you were being honest. He had been treading on eggshells to not upset you or the baby for fourteen whole days, and it wasn’t good for anyone. You felt the tension on him every time you both managed to get into bed together for more than five minutes. He needed this little outburst.
“This needs to stop now. I’m going to figure her out, and you are going to eat. Alright?” His tone left no room for argument, and the more your daughter protested against your intention to eat, the more hungry and tired you felt.
It wasn’t easy, but you handed her off to him carefully, swallowing a lump in your throat. You couldn’t take your eyes off of her distressed little face as Sylus attempted to cradle her.
You were practically twitching, your legs about to push the footrest of the recliner down to retrieve her in the first thirty seconds she was away from you. Sylus noticed immediately, and pushed it back up with his foot before you could close it down fully.
“She’s not in any danger,” he said calmly, but his whole body was visibly tense. “She’s right here, I won’t leave the room. Just eat, sweetie.”
You wanted to protest further, but he wasn’t going to yield this time. His eyes remained trained on you until you finally sagged back into the chair, and it wasn’t until you picked up your fork that he finally turned away, focusing on the distraught newborn kicking up a storm against his chest.
He held her the way you did, one hand cupped over her head to keep it steady while the other hand softly patted her back. Why she didn’t want to be near him was an utter mystery to you, he wasn’t doing anything incorrectly.
You couldn’t eat while the two most important people in your life were quite clearly in a distressing situation before you. “Are you alright?” You asked him gently, hoping that he would answer you.
“I will be if you eat,” he quickly responded, not looking at you.
Sighing, you stab a slice of the chicken onto your fork, just looking at it for a moment. Your brain had managed to kick itself into gear as you forged a new approach to his silence.
This was an opportunity to head in the right direction.
“I’ll eat if you speak to me.”
Blood red eyes shot in your direction, an eyebrow raised. “Blackmail?”
You quickly shook your head. “You were right, this does need to stop. Starting with you shutting yourself off from me.”
“Eat.”
The forked piece of chicken points straight at his unamused face. “Talk.”
He shook his head a little in clear annoyance, the stress consuming him. Your daughter continued to wail, immune to the warmth and safety of his arms. He was basically trapped after promising to remain in the room with you.
Your bleary eyes held his irises of rubies, neither of you conceding. It was a mental challenge to ignore the fragrant aroma of garlic and fresh basil beneath your nose, but you were not eating until at least one of the two beautiful people before you had calmed down.
Sylus visibly swallowed, finally giving in as he noticed your lack of a bluff. “Do you think she knows?” His voice was quiet, barely heard over your newborn’s cries.
“Knows what?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again, nodding his head towards the piece of chicken on your fork. You shovel it into your gob, eager for him to continue.
His eyes flicker down to your daughter before he speaks again. “Do you think she knows that I’ve done terrible things? Do you think that’s why she doesn’t like me?”
“I—” you grumble and roll your eyes as he nods to your plate of food again, waiting for you to take another mouthful that you end up having to speak through, “I don’t see how she could. Is that why you’ve been so quiet?”
The corner of his mouth curled upward ever-so-slightly. “Missing my tongue, kitten?”
You couldn’t help your own smile as his shoulders sagged a little from where they were practically touching his ears. It wasn’t often that he opened up to you like this. You almost always had to pry or throw in a proposition to coax him into speaking.
You took another bite of your food, moving the plate from the small table to your lap. “Do you really think she doesn’t like you?”
His smirk faded away quickly, a gentle thumb brushing over your daughter's head. She continued to cry, but the volume had dropped a little. “Do you not think that?” He asked.
You didn’t know how to answer that question. To tell the truth, you did think that, but not for the same reason he was thinking.
“I think she may be a little attached at the moment. We’re very different shapes and sizes. Maybe she feels—”
“Unsafe?”
His tone had dropped an octave—something you didn’t think was possible considering the already bone-chilling vibrations of his voice. Never before had you witnessed him in a state of such vulnerability. He was insecure about this, and it was finally starting to show.
You went to stand up to be near him, but he immediately stepped forward to halt your movement.
“Eat.”
Not wanting to lose this free-speaking Sylus you had barely met before, you did as he said, twirling a fat mouthful of pasta onto your fork for extra brownie points.
You both remained in silence for a few moments, only your fork scraping against the bowl in your lap marrying with the sounds of your baby’s cries surrounding the small sitting room.
Sylus’s gaze didn’t leave the newborn cradled in his arms, a gentle sway in his hips as he tried to keep her moving. All you could do was study his composure, seeing it as it cracked.
After a moment, he looked back at you. “I don’t want to keep failing you.”
You coughed on the mouthful of the creamy pasta at his words, completely in awe of his confession.
Failing you? How did he get to that conclusion?
“You’ve done everything for her,” he continued, not allowing you to immediately reassure him. “I want to be able to do everything, too. For both of you.”
The all too familiar sting in your wet eyes built in intensity by the second, and you quickly found yourself sniffling.
Not only was he insecure about your daughter not feeling safe in his arms, but he felt that he’d failed you both in the past two weeks. It was heartbreaking for you to hear.
“Don’t cry—”
“You’re…fuck, Sylus. You’re not failing anyone,” you tuck your fork back into the pasta with a loud sniffle, ignoring his glare that silently demanded that you continue to eat. “How the hell did you come to that conclusion?”
He looked entirely reluctant to answer, his head dropping back down to stare at his tiny twin. You didn’t want him to stop speaking again, so you quietly picked your fork back up, hoping it would capture his attention.
The silence stretched between you as you made the effort to eat for his sake. Even your daughter's cries became a little weaker—like she was pitying him.
He didn’t look at you as he said, “I’m the bad guy. The boogie man. The kind of monster that parents threaten their kids with visits from in the middle of the night if they don’t brush their teeth before bed.”
“Not in our story, you’re not,” you quickly reassured him earnestly. “You’re the husband and father who keeps the monsters away from your family. That’s the only Sylus she will ever know. The real one.”
He still didn’t look up from the newborn, now almost completely silent in his arms, but you catch a subtle bob in his throat. You didn’t need him to respond to you. You knew you had said the right words to soothe that self-deprecating thought in his complicated mind. You could see it.
“Have I told you how perfect you were two weeks ago,” he asked, knowing full well that he’d told her every day since then.
Your mouth curled into a soft smile. Even after all these years together—after welcoming your first child into this scary, yet beautiful world—Sylus had no trouble giving you butterflies.
“I think you might’ve mentioned it,” you hummed softly.
And on that very note, the baby was fast asleep in his hold for the very first time in two whole weeks. His face didn’t reveal anything, but you knew he was relieved. All he wanted to do was make this easier for the both of you.
Finally, you had managed to figure out what the problem had been all this time.
“You were too tense,” you point out quietly, noticing how openly at ease he now was. “That’s what she didn’t like.”
He hummed in response, unable to tear his gaze away from the sleeping babe in his arms. You didn’t say anything further, letting him enjoy that special moment in peace while you proceeded to enjoy the rest of your meal.
Despite the challenges of becoming new parents, things were going to be alright from that point onwards.
A/N - Hello! I hope you enjoyed this oneshot, thank you so much for reading. Just to let you know, I do take requests ❤️
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