#(personal story time)

[megadoomingir]

It has been..........

7 months.......

What has become of you, mdg? What will become of Stop Me??

As of right now I know it’s been much longer than 7 months. I’m sorry for that.

I’m an anxious person. When I started writing Stop Me, it was because I was angry. I didn’t start posting until it was over 80 chapters long. I had some recognition for my story Redeem the Stars but this was different. It was longer and became more personal. I started feeling the pressure of people wanting more. People reaching out with personal messages. Telling me how good the writing was. Telling me how it messed with them emotionally. All I could think was ‘yes, this very human and personal experience I’ve given to this character would disturb anyone’. And then the fanart happened. And someone stole full ideas and lines from my story to pass off as their own. And amongst all these internet things, I was dealing with IRL problems and people, while not realizing I was being treated poorly by said people. A lot of that has changed now but I’m struggling.

And then I remember everyone here, wanting more of my story, to see how it ends, the last episode and then the movie itself, and I feel frozen. It feels like pressure to me. Pressure to produce. Pressure for it to be good enough. I feel put under optics and on a pedestal and every time I try to step down, people tell me it’s fine, it’s ok, take my time, no worries. But that doesn’t take the pressure away.

So. What’s become of me? I’m learning every day to try to tackle the little things. I’ve surrounded myself with plants, some rare, some unique, some that just make me happy. I’m reminding myself how much magic is really in the world. I’m trying to be better, not just for other people but also myself. I opened a Kofi, after much wonderful advice and suggestions, but I’ve been afraid to post about it here. Again, because ‘what if I’m not good enough?’ as that weighs on me every day. But I’m trying. Some days there are hiccups and steps back. Other days I remember how capable and powerful I really am and that I don’t give myself enough credit. I’m ok. And I’m learning that on the days that I’m not, that’s ok, too. I’ll get through it.

And what’s become of Stop Me? Nothing. Nothing has changed. I still intend to finish it. I still think about it all the time and how I want it to be perfect. I have a personal deadline now. In 2026, it will have been 10 years. 10. Years. Since one of the best things happened to me and one of the worst. I need to finish Stop Me for me before then. I know I can do it. It will happen.

[constanttea]

tbh back when I was a runner, when ppl got in your way....I'm just saying him running the statement person over was so real

I vividly remember one time trying to stay warmed up on the field for a race, and this group of guys were walking slowly and diagonally across the field. They could see us, and they knew we needed to warm up, and the team captain was like, "Okay, run them over. They move or they don't."

[fever-dreamer97]

Personal Opinions Anyone?

Okay, so a friend of mine just got out of a very messy marriage. And I mean super super messy.

And well, she got together with an old boyfriend and got pregnant by said boyfriend during the end part of her marriage and during the whole divorce process. They do plan on getting married eventually even with her getting divorced just last month.

And of course, her ex husband asked for her ring back.

But let me tell you that I witnessed my friend get emotional about the ring and starts taking photos of it and kissing it IN FRONT OF HER BABY DADDY THAT SHE CLAIMS SHE LOVES AND PLANS TO MARRY.

I know I should be supportive but that just seems so mean to the guy?? Bc he is a super cool dude WAY better than the husband. Am I overthinking this??

[camera-worker]

Dunkin Donuts, April 8, 2002, 2002

#12-001-01

This, otherwise un-noteworthy image, is the first frame on the first roll of film shot with my first 'real' SLR camera, on my 17th birthday. The camera was a gift from a friend of the family, Mark, who himself was an advanced amateur photographer and poet (among other things).

The camera was an Olympus OM-10 that was stolen out of my car on Greene Street in Providence, Rhode Island a year later, on a night when my band (Ataraxis, at that time) was playing at AS220.

[mitamicah]

I want to share how I spent my day celebrating the tavastia 2 reunion since I think it is very much in the Bojere spirit

It started out with me finishing the celebratory artwork (and submitted it) (x)

Then I got myself ready for going to my first ever tattoo convention wearing my cropped slut sweater, all my Bojere bracelets, a fanmade Bojan beer I got in Helsinki in march and one of my ESC!Käärijä earrings

I ended up looking like this (the necklace was purchased at the con later however) v

The plan was to just look around at the convention to see if anything spoke to me. It didn't seem to be the case before I found this tiny tarok inspired flash of the mayor arcana cards 'the lovers' and just saw for my inner eye how perfect it would be next to my 'Are You' tattoo

So I rode the bike home to get the cash only to realise I only had enough currency in my house to pay half the tattoo so I had to stop and get the rest on the way back. When I arrived back at the convention the tattoo artist had another client but told me to wait 1,5 hours so I did. While waitingI found myself way more social (having gotten the air and time away from the overstimulating, hot convention hall) and surprisingly, a handful of the people I talked to recognised me as the guy that performed Cha Cha Cha to the city pride!! (2-3 peeps even got to endure me showing my Bojere art and fanboying over the boys x'D)

It turned out that I'd met the tattoo artist at a party last year and bonded very nicely with so when it was time for me to be inked I fanboyed about Bojere (even showing her my celebration artwork) the whole time (probably not saying a lot since it took like 30 minutes x'D).

Here's the final result (asked for changing the threads to make a heart and I am very happy about how that turned out :'3; also the picture is not edited so to show the colours)

Later in the evening I went to a free concert with a duo playing mixed classical music on marimba and cello. In the middle of the concert it turned out that they played a three part song originally meant for a sorprano singer to perform so the lyrics were printed on the other side. Not sure if I read too much into it but part of the third song 'Cedar of Lebannon' gives me Bojere vibes

That was my friday; hope yours were lovely as well ^V^

[figsposts]

Little loves

This title is inspired from a proposed Chicken Soup for the Soul book title, which I intended submitting to but missed the deadline, so I decided to write the story on this blog ( I may not have the title verbatim).

I enter the bathroom, two, four-year-old girls stop and turn their gaze to me, they don’t speak but watch in awe as I wash my hands. There is nothing special about me, I am just the principal of the Pre-Primary School. They stare at me until I leave the bathroom.

Every morning when I walk past the two to three-year-old classroom, they chant, “It’s Ms. Dlamini, It’s Ms. Dlamini”. They always spot me before their teacher does. She has to quieten them down to focus on their class activity, they will do this as many times as I walk past their classroom. The children at school show me love just because I am me. I haven’t done anything to deserve their love, they hug me, they tell me they love me. They brush close to me like a bunting cat, ask me questions, about my dog, I don’t have a dog.

Sometimes they dare to even slip their hand into mine. They show me their artwork with bright smiles, they want me to come and watch them water the garden during their Young Farmers lesson or watch them play soccer at breaktime.

From my office I have a view of the hall way, they peak at me on the way to class from the toilets, sometimes I engage in a face-off with them, for fun, they win, and I have to tell them to go back to class.

At home time they want to come with me to my house. They are not ordinary children, they are being raised in homes, for orphaned and vulnerable children. I have learnt how I receive their love, teaches them how to love themselves. If I push them away, the message they get is; they’re not worth the time, they’re unwanted, they’re a problem. I am not a psychologist but perhaps these messages are already imbedded in their subconscious minds? After all they are not being raised by their biological parents. If I embrace them. I am teaching them, they are valuable, they are worthy, they are accepted and loved.  

When we talk about unconditional love, we often think about the love parents have for their children. We never consider that children love unconditionally too. A baby loves their parent, they don’t care if you are a drug addict, liar or murderer. The purest love comes from children, our responsibility as adults is to nurture that love, a task never to be taken lightly.

[missimbalance]

A piece of a fairytale in the middle of the city.

I've helped planting these some years ago, when the neighborhood got some extra greenery funds. It feels good to come back to the city and see that you've actually put a lasting mark on it.

[gallium-spoon]

A middle aged woman stopped me today to tell me she loves my hair and wishes she could cut her hair super short like mine. This happens to me with surprising regularity. Older women love my hair

I told her (as I always do) that if she wants to have short hair she should do it! Do it! Just try it! Hair grows back!!!

As usual, she goes, no no I'm not brave enough, no I don't have the right face shape anyway...

DO IT ANYWAY!!!!

Look I know a lot of people are very protective of their hair and very particular about how it looks and I get it

But!

If you *want* to do something new and fun with your hair you should do it!

Do you think I spared a thought for my face shape before I cut my hair? I assure you I did not!

My thoughts before I cut my hair were, in order:

1. I'm bored

2. Lol my parents are gonna be so mad

[sabulana]

My mom has two cats, and once, years ago, she went away for a weekend or something. I was left home alone to look after the cats. Ine of them started throwing up in the living room. Since I didn't want to scrub cat vomit out of the carpet or my mom's fave rug, I tried to shoo him into the hallway or the kitchen, which were tiled and therefore easier to clean.

The cat did not like this. He ran upstairs instead, started hacking up at the top of the stairs. I tried to shoo him downstairs. He ran back to the living room. We ended up all over the house, until he eventually threw up on my mom's bed. I stripped the bedsheets, threw them in the washing machine and left the cat to do whatever. He seemed okay so I wasn't worried about him.

After, I go back to the computer until late at night. Because I was home alone and didn't have work the next day like hell was I going to do sometihng silly like go to bed at a decent hour.

When I did eventually make my way upstairs in the wee hours of the morning, it was to a bedroom filled with the most unholy stink of cat shit. Took me a while to find it, because the curtains were closed, but the little bastard had taken a massive dump on my window sill in retaliation for me not letting him puke on the living room carpet.

I cleaned it up, opened the window, and fell asleep.

Years later, I recount this entire story to my mom's new partner. We're laughing over the entire thing. Then he gasps and points because the same goddamn cat was now taking another shit on the carpet right fucking behind me as I was talking.

I learned later about cats 'spite shitting' and honestly had no trouble believing it.

[crowkip]

yeehaw, baby!

[silentanomaly]

Once upon a time, I had a girlfriend. We were hanging out, and she was hungry. Didn't have much at the time. What I put together for her was a toasted bagel with peanut butter. Again, not much was available at the time. She liked it more than I thought she would. Probably just being nice. Maybe just particularly hungry. Or peanut butter on that bagel that day just slapped. She took to calling me "Bagel" after that. My first nickname from my first girlfriend.

Thing is...while I accepted it, and adored my girlfriend giving me a silly wholesome nickname. I don't think I truly realized why she called me that. I remember when I was with her, people, like her mom, would ask "why call him Bagel?" Good question. I literally just thought it was because she really liked a bagel I prepped for her. But, people would hear me say "bagel" and find humour in it. I didn't get it.

So, anyway, I have a tendency to say "baggle" like how someone would say "haggle." When "bagel" is pronounced like"baygul." I didn't recognize that I was saying it wrong, and that other people were saying it differently. Let me tell you now...it took me over a decade to recognize that maybe I was not called "Bagel" after the food. But, perhaps I was actually called "Baggle," based off how I pronounced "bagel." She would even follow up what I thought was "Bagel" with a "bae," "Bagel bae!" But, what if "bae" was just a subtle nod to how you're supposed to say "baygul..." and that was her silly way of throwing me a bone that I never grasped.

I'm probably giving her too much credit at that point. But, I mean, all this time I thought I was "Bagel" to her...when maybe I was really "Baggle." I'm not really in contact with her to ask for clarity. I've been thinking about this the past couple days, truth be told.

[helium-fox]

So the first Studio Ghibli movie I watched was Ponyo and it remains one of the funniest things that's happened to me. I went to go see it in theater with my friends in high school and mentioned that it was an anime to my parents. They were like 'yeah, go watch a movie. i don't care' but then my dad must have mentioned it at work, bc one of his coworkers told him anime was japanese porn.

So my dad came home from work and sat me down and was like "is there anything you would like to talk about?" and i'm just ?????

"anything about the movie? did you see anything concerning. it's okay if you need to talk about it"

and i was like "i don't know it was about a fish. it was cute, i guess"

cue the parental hovering because they thought i had repressed the memory. end up getting resolved a week later when my friend lent kiki's delivery service and we watched it as a family

[falloutboysandgirls]

(Albany,NY show) Me and my friend didn’t come out of the VIP lounge until Jimmy Eats World was like half way done with his set and there was only like three ppl left in the lounge. So we walk out the door and Games We Play is passing in front and i for some reason freeze, make eye contact, give him a head nod and just stare as he goes behind the barricade and walks away. So did I meet him? Debatable.

[magicicephoenix]

i finally finished reading I see you, Sundrop! by @shirajellyfish and IT'S SO GOOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO FINISH IT RAAAAAAA

i will be gushing about it in the tags but here's a lil animation i made based on the below paragraph in chapter 6 that gave me such a strong mental image that i had to make it real :)

[liverbiver9]

yeah i think he might but also consider: xue yang.

i once babysat this family who had two pet rats that they found trapped in one of their mole traps (they took them to the vet and everything but. still). the oldest girl loved to carry the rats everywhere with her, and one day we went to the park with the rats sitting on her shoulders in the hood of her zip up. to my absolute horror, the moment she bent over to climb up something a bunch (and i mean like a full adult human handful, at least) of rat feces tumbled out of her hoodie. she did not react and didn’t care. i almost had a meltdown because what the actual fuck.

anyways, this is xue yang.

I love people who give modern wwx bunnies or cats or lizards as pets

But I think wwx would so adopt a rat

Lwj comes over his bf's house with wine and reproductive intent and comes face to face with wwx's massive rat asleep in his bed

"Wei Ying why is there. A rat. On your bed?"

"Oh, that's her favorite napping spot."

"Wei Ying. Why does a rat have a favorite sleeping spot in your home?"

"Lan Zhan, I know you were sheltered, but have you never heard of a pet?"

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I know those eyes.

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