#(or if i have a personality disorder at all)

[w8teless]

this is something i’ve thought about for a while. it’s so hard to feel “sick enough” when every media and tv show and movie poses 4n4 or m1a as a person who’s always underweight and all skin and bones.

i wish there was representation for people who aren’t underweight and still suffering from an eating disorder.

if no one has told you yet, your pain and suffering is valid. you are valid. regardless of your weight. you don’t have to be in inpatient treatment or borderline hospitalized to suffer from an eating disorder.

I feel like people should understand that not every person with an ed is always underweight or even at a normal weight. People with ed's are all shapes and sizes and still suffering

[beardedmrbean]

Charlotte stood on the train tracks ready for a train to come sweeping down the rails and end it all.

However the driver of that train, 47-year-old Dave Lay, had other plans.

Slamming the brakes after receiving notice of a pedestrian on the tracks, Lay brought the train to a halt and got down to talk with the suicidal woman for nearly half an hour before eventually getting her safely to the next platform.

Local police met the pair, and helped Charlotte get in contact with local mental health support workers then and there. Shaken but feeling good about what he was able to do, Dave departed, imagining the episode had finished.

But Charlotte had other plans.

Looking him up on Facebook the following day, she sent a message thanking him for the kindness he showed her on the rails at Crossflatts Station in West Yorkshire, England.

“I walked down the tracks and sat down, waiting,” Charlotte told the British media service SWNS. “I’m unsure who raised the alarm about my presence but when the next train came, it slowed and stopped far from me. I’m so grateful to Dave for stopping that day and being so patient and understanding.”

After Dave returned Charlotte’s text telling her he was available whenever she needed to speak to someone, they began exchanging messages on a daily basis. They met for a coffee after chatting for two months.

Fast forward three years, and they tied the knot when Charlotte was 22 weeks pregnant with their first child.

Charlotte, a nurse at the British National Health Service, was previously diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and emotionally unstable personality disorder.

Recalling her decision-making process from that fateful day in 2019, she said that she was on the train to work in her scrubs, but nothing felt right. Dave’s arrival had all the hallmarks, she remembered, of a person trained to de-escalate mental health crises.

“I once asked him if he’d ever had any de-escalation training, because he was brilliant that day,” she said. “The conversation from what I can remember was just about mundane things and about both our lives, but it was enough to break the crisis.”

“Life didn’t feel as heavy anymore. The next day I made it my mission to find the man who had been so kind to me.”

DE-ESCALATING DANGER: Surveillance Shows Jon Bon Jovi Stopping Woman From Jumping Off Bridge in Nashville

Dave told the BBC he simply “said all the things he wished he could’ve said” to other people who have committed suicide, and for his part was desperately happy to hear from Charlotte, as he had no way of knowing if she ever approached mental health services, or if she made another attempt to enter the House of Hades.

“I needed to know she was all right. I’d contacted police to try to find out what happened to her and just wanted to make sure she was safe,” he told the BBC. “I felt like I had a duty to make sure she was all right. We’d had that rapport built by the side of the track.”

Charlotte says she hopes that by sharing her story, people will realize that, although it would be ideal if we all had specialist training to deal with a mental health crisis, we are all nevertheless capable of helping by being empathic and present.

[yournewfriendshouse]

when I have an overwhelming task in front of me like…how do I build community, the answer as an incredibly awkward autistic person (who didn’t even know they were autistic for so long) has always been to look at what I’m already doing and start to broaden what I was doing from that point.

so you’re extremely online and you want to build community? what are you doing online? maybe you can start there

are you posting photos of your crochet work? maybe you can find a local group that meets in the library (high chance a group that meets in a library is free)

you like talking about music? is there a community choir around you can join?

the thing is we’re all super tired and it can be so so hard to straight off the bat be like ok where the like…anarchist affirmative community action group?

because that group will probably be happy to have another member but if you’ve forgotten how to talk to people in words instead of text it can be really hard. esp if you’re not actually familiar with a lot of the language they use and stuff.

also the people at the crochet group and the choir are still people who live in your local area and there is a chance that when something bad happens for one of their members that they will do what they can to help them. or maybe they do a crochet baby blanket charity thing that helps local babies, or something like that.

the thing to know about local stuff is that communities are just made up of people. anywhere you turn there are people, and there is a chance that they are someone that the affirmative action group may not get to

community is community. you are community! the person who checks out your groceries is community (and they are always so kind to me guys and that is such a big difference to my life as a disabled person like you wouldn’t believe)

and I guess that’s the point, if you start to look outwards from where you are and you start to be just a little more kind than you’re already doing then you will already be making a difference. and as time goes on you will find more and more people to help, and you will be able to help them hopefully because people are also helping you. this is what community is

[greenfiend]

Most of Stranger Things is within Will’s head…

Including El, the Mind Flayer, Vecna, and more characters...

A lot of people aren't going to like this or agree but- if you are willing to read this at risk that you won't like it... try to keep an open mind and keep that curiosity door open.

(Above is a direct cut from Will to this line...)

I just want to begin by saying: I believe Will is the center of this show. I know many disagree, and place other characters at the center but let me explain to you why I believe the show is mainly about him.

The show begins with Will, as his disappearance is the catalyst for every single event to follow.

If you take a step back, and look at the show as a whole… making Will the center makes the most narrative sense. Without Will… there is no Stranger Things.

(GIF from @/kaypeace21's post here)

Lonnie hammering a nail into the wall while we cut to Mike poking a hole into a piece of paper visually tells a lot. Remember guys, this show is all about showing and not telling. Here they are showing us that the abuse Lonnie has inflicted unto Will caused the gate to open. The Upside Down exists due to Will's trauma. This is because the Upside Down is Will's mindscape.

DID and Internal Worlds

Will has experienced trauma far more severe than we are explicitly told. His trauma mainly leads back to his father. If you are prepared to read about the depths of said trauma, read this post. Not for the faint of heart though, my friends.

In Will's case, his trauma as led to a specific rare mental health condition called: Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental health condition where you have two or more separate personalities that control your behavior at different times. When personalities switch, you’ll have gaps in your memory. The identities are usually caused by living through trauma. x

This means I believe that many of the characters we know and love were created from Will's mind. There are common alter roles within a DID system, and this show has been assigning different characters to some of these roles this whole time.

Now, this is NOT a new theory. The creator of this theory is kaypeace21 (one of the original Byler theorists!) Check out her posts here and here. While I agree with a lot of what she has to say, I do think she jumped the gun a bit with some things... specifically: the Persecutor Alter... more on that soon (not to fault her at all! As Vecna did not even exist prior to ST4).

Let's go back to the Upside Down being Will's mindscape:

Many individuals with dissociative identity disorder (DID) have an internal world in which they or their alters can manifest as themselves and interact. These internal worlds, which are also known as inner worlds or headspaces, can range in size and complexity. x

The Upside Down = Will's internal world. Those that inhabit that world or arose from said world are likely Will's alters. Yes, that includes El, the Mind Flayer, Demogorgons, etc. and of course: Vecna.

Here's another visual clue! A hole in the wall (an opened gate...) at the Byers' house that may have "always been [there]".

I know we are told the gate had opened prior to Nov 6, 1983, and that El had been the one to open that door/gate. But... that's because El herself is Will. She is a personality that had developed from him.

Now, lets talk common DID alter roles and how some of our favourite characters fill these roles to a tee.

El, the Gatekeeper Alter

I talk about the Willel theory here but I'll explain it briefly. El is "the gatekeeper", she is the one who Will lets "front" most of the time. Because remember guys... Will "likes to hide".

El was even compared to D’art (who came from Will…) see post here.

Also worth noting: Will's abduction in the shed is compared to... the first atomic bomb (used in an act of war) called "Little Boy". Post about that comparison here. What occurs during a nuclear reaction? Nuclear fission. Fission meaning: SPLITTING INTO TWO! Just as we see with the Phineus Gage comparison. That exact moment was when "El" emerged from the UD (Will's mindscape) into "reality". Leading to her becoming... a literal gatekeeper for Will.

She also helps solve Will's dilemma of to stay or to go, as Will himself stays (in the UD) and El goes.

So... what do I mean by “the gatekeeper"?

A gatekeeper is an alter that controls switching or access to front, access to an internal world or certain areas within it, or access to certain alters or memories. x

Now. Remember guys, we literally see her closing the gate and she (allegedly) was the first to open said gate. She also is heavily associated with repressed memories (the whole NINA plot...)

El has always been protecting Will from facing his trauma and facing himself. That is why we see her "save" him multiple times, why she takes on the role of Mike's romantic partner, why she takes the brunt of the bullies at Lenora, and why Will looks on like a helpless bystander... It is not due to resentment nor cruelty but fear. Will has been hiding behind her this whole time. He is not ready to face his memories, trauma, and the world. Not yet...

The Mind Flayer, the Demon Alter

In abusive groups, a young child can be severely traumatized in order for abusers to intentionally create an alter, and the alter can be tricked into believing they have been possessed by, and have become, a demon. X

This one is pretty self-explanatory, as we literal have a "possession" plot line involving Will. Though, instead of being "possessed", this alter of Will's was fronting.

Vecna, the Persecutor Alter

This is the one I'm most excited (and nervous) to talk about because it is SO fascinating and it matches his character perfectly.

So basically, Vecna is NOT Henry Creel. Vecna is an alter of Will's existing in his hive mind. Hear me out about this.

What I believe is that Henry Creel (or perhaps Edward Creel), was a real person that Will had heard about resulting in him creating an alter based on him. This is called "Factive Introject":

An alter with the form, personality, and possibly the psychological backstory e.g. memories of an outer-world person, whether a relative, a celebrity, or even an acquaintance. x

I believe that when we see "Henry" within both the Rainbow Room AND the Upside Down... this is Will's alter. (The Rainbow Room is likely another inner world of Will's...).

Are you still with me on this? Because lets get into the real evidence here.

What is a persecutor alter?

Persecutors are alters that purposefully harm the body, system, host, core, or other alters, sabotage the system’s goals or healing, or work to assist the system’s abuser(s). x

I know that sounds pretty scary, and some easily dismiss persecutor alters as "evil" BUT they are not. Viewing any alters this way is harmful. All alters' goals are to protect the system, even if they may do so in misguided ways.

x

Most persecutor alters start out as protector alters… which exactly what we see in the show! “Henry” is kind and protective towards El (who is another alter).

Then he decides to “kill” the other kids/alters (I say kill but they will still live on in the mind.)

Lets look at the exact terms used to describe the effects the persecutor alter has on the system...

X

Headaches…

Internal bullying…

Increased blank spells…

Interference with function…

Self-multilation…

Still have doubts on this? Let’s continue…

x

As I said, the persecutor alter is not "evil", it is a misguided protector. Its goal is to protect and often does this by taking on all the suffering experienced by the host and the alters...

But why? Why does the persecutor alter do such things if the goal is to protect?

X

To prevent the host and alters from disclosing their abuse. Think about this for a moment. What did Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, and Max all have in common (other than trauma)? They all were seeing the student counsellor Ms. Kelley and revealing to her aspects of their trauma and abuse.

Vecna, as the persecutor alter, was having NONE of that and thus… “killed” them to protect the system. As he feared the consequences for Will/the system as a whole.

This is VERY telling for Will, because he has long been afraid of opening up about his abuse, trauma, and everything…

We see this emerge in many forms:

The Byers phone frequently going unanswered throughout the show due to Will’s fear of opening up/communication.

Lonnie telling Jonathan to keep his mouth shut for his mom’s sake…

The rats in ST3. To “rat” = to snitch.

El’s bullying in ST4. Angela repeatedly refers to her as a “snitch” even though she never did snitch.

Papa/the Demogorgon/Neil, the Abuser Alter

x I’m going to go right out and say this: “Papa” represents Will's abuser. We see him abuse El, Henry and others in a manner similar to what Will had experienced with Lonnie.

That’s why he’s called “Papa”, as he is a representation of the abusive papa of Will: Lonnie Byers.

Like Henry Creel, he is also likely based off a real person... Richard Brenner perhaps?

"That's what I have to do to keep her close to me. I don't want her going out. Men only want her for one thing and then they hurt her. She doesn't need anyone else but me." In addition to intimidating her so that she would not seek contact with men and risk further abuse, [the abuser alter] was also possessively trying to strengthen her attachment to him. X

This perfectly applies to Brenner's relationship with El, Henry and the others. He wants to isolate them to "protect" them from further abuse. We see this clearly as Brenner prevents El from leaving NINA, at all costs.

Again, even the alter representing the abuser should not be seen as “evil”. It’s complicated. All alters are aspect of the host, they are not evil. There are good intentions behind the bad actions.

Other Alters…

So, I believe other characters are also alters of Will’s such as:

Max, Billy, Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, Eddie, Argyle… and more. This post is getting far too long for me to expand on that just yet though.

Mike is “The Key” but… he’s not the only key

Let’s not forget about Ms Kelley and her key necklace!

Although Mike’s love will be an incredibly important aspect to saving Hawkins and saving Will… Will also needs to open up, face his trauma, and reveal his truth. Keeping all of this bottled up inside is causing far more problems…

When it comes to treatment for DID, there are different methods. Some include:

Identifying and working through past trauma.

Managing sudden behavioral changes.

Merging separate identities into a single identity. x

The latter being a highly controversial one, and it may not be the right choice for everyone with DID.

Within the show however? We will likely see merging or fusion of some of the characters in the end (we likely already have too...)

We already have foreshadowing of fusion between Will and El:

Robin and Steve discussing the act of "combining" to "solve all [their] problems".

Dustin hugging El and Will only to have El visually disappear during their hug.

El ending the season standing alone in the Upside Down.

In DID there's also a concept called integration, which may not be as extreme as fusion.

The individual must then make the choice of to what extent they want to integrate their alters as part of their healing. Again, some degree of integration is inevitable. The individual must integrate traumatic materials in order to heal from PTSD. As well, enough integration between alters must occur to allow for easy communication, a lack of dissociative amnesia between parts, and a consistent sense of being grounded in the present and in the body. The individual must be able to take responsibility for all of the system's actions, and all alters in the system should work together towards the same goals. x

Basically, Will must become insightful of his condition and see all aspects of himself (all alters) as helpful (even if they may be misguided). It will NOT help him to simply "kill" any alters, that will not work. He must accept himself for who he is. He must learn to love all aspects of himself.

I won’t touch on it here, but I will just mention that I’m very confident the show will end with another realm/internal world that’s beautiful and full of life. Implying that Will has finally found some peace of mind. I talk about it in this post.

[cerosin-bis]

I just NEED more about pre-nikto nikto, the thought of a big shot outgoing nikto makes my brain explode (in a good way!)

He was really just an overly confident guy who had all rights to be one because he had to toughen up a LOT growing up. like, that was his personality to begin with (he's always been a big shot) but his upbringing and situation at home were difficult to say the least, this and his personal struggles/contradictions (with his mum and his brother, with religion) cemented it. This, plus his brewing personality issues/disorders.

(cw underage drinking/alcoholism) Also when I say I headcanon him (from @shadowscommand's hcs as well) to have been an alcoholic I really mean it seriously like. drinking himself sick, blackout drunk one day out of two on good weeks and every day on bad ones, and this starting from a very young age. not just as a coping mechanism, just because it worked out for him in his social life as soon as he was a teenager, and that it reached the addiction point. The way he sobered up once he joined the army (pre-capture and pre-nikto still obvi) was pretty much cold turkey and was probably what he THOUGHT was going the hardest experience of his life. well.

[literallyjusthereformods]

Mod folder's cooked still, sharing photos of my sims from my gallery.

Not my preferred method, but I'm dying to share them! So anyways here's a mega photo dump.

Cade E Cherrypop! (Normal/Ruined)

My love for sentient entertainment animatronics is one that will forever remain unshaken. Cade E Cherrypop is the sentient android mascot of Cade E Arcade! (Thx to the new chibi preset by @sdmsims, another little mascot will be along shortly as a friend)

After society collapses due to a zombie-apocalypse-plus, the arcade falls into ruin, and Cade E eventually reawakens in the ruins in her second withered form, sun-bleached, dirty and damaged.

Xelleen Wisher

Xelleen Wisher's a gaming streamer in this world's analog to Twitch! Despite his anxiety disorder, he does his best to put up an optimistic and energetic persona for his audience. He really loves cute things, especially cats and small collectibles! He's also very, very good at videogames, dabbling in speed runs and challenge runs.

Xelleen was created by me as a very positive character. He combines physical traits that are painted as a stereotypical "neckbeard" image (acne, overweightness) with features of the "gamergirl" aesthetic (cute clothes, makeup, lots of pink.) He stands as his own person, defined by neither stereotype.

The bottom/last pic of the three shows his face without his makeup on!!

Steelie Buzzkill

(Wouldn't Be Possible Without @sdmsims's Anime Mod!!!)

Ordered as an Incarnate (an Incarnate is a special type of android commissioned to be a real-word version of a fictional character) of somebody's OC, Steelie's shipment was intercepted after the law recognizing android sentience was passed. His company dumped him and his peers on the side of the road near a rural town.

Since he was freed before artificial memories were programmed into him, he doesn't know what character he's intended to be, and he really doesn't WANT to know.

He works at IHopTopic, the compound store that exists because in this universe, IHop and Hot Topic had some sort of business deal from hell that led to a combined location.

(Between you and me, his design SOMEBODY's fannon ship child OC, but I won't say more than that, nor do the medias his parents are from exist irl.)

The rest will just be character images with short descriptions. I'll likely make individual posts later on going in more depth!!

Torren's a model! He models both clothes and makeup.

Torren's photographer, and general voice of reason. They're bascially buddies.

Aniyo loves hanging out in malls and drawing fanart for their favorite animes. Above all though, they love animals!! Their aspiration is to be a rescue caretaker for animals that need them.

A small trunked rodent I created called a 'rummager.'

It's too bad I'm missing the cc for this one, because I'd love to show their whole design in CAS. I really like this one. They have a lot to do with a certain collapse plotline.

Owner of a tattoo shop. VERY supportive of their artists, and probably one of the best bosses ever.

Tattoo artist working for Crim.

Another one of Crim's hired tattoo artists!

Third tattoo artist out of four in Crim's tattoo shop. (The fourth one's too short to show in gallery, sorry.)

Runaway teen after something really bad happened at home. Navigating the post-collapse hellscape with her horse.

Apex Zombie who's territory spans an entire abandoned city. It's antenna syncs up to the abandoned traffic cams, giving it eyes all over the urban ruins. As a side effect, the old digital billboards flicker to life in monochromatic imagery when it approaches.

@ssspringroll because I definitely used some of your CC in this. Idr where, but I DEFINETELY did. Also, you're one of my favorite creators, thank you for existing <3

[seventy5th]

I don’t remember if it’s suggested on these or not but one handy free place that’s been a huge help for me has been library’s they offer free resources entertainment and events sometimes the events where I am at least the events come with snacks if you stay till the end they often give away said snacks.

And there not a thing everywhere but friendship centres or community centres are also great resources and often have food bank like programs and events to meet and be a part of a community along with some free food.

Buy nothing/ free groups on fb etc are also popping up in both cities and small communities

There’s often condition specific support groups to be found if not in person then online my family’s found ones for cvs, thyroid disorders and more of our conditions on fb etc

I couldn’t find the link but there was a really good cookbook book/file floating around here with different low $/low spoon food ideas/ recipes. I’ll send a link if I find it

take my hand for a moment

your objective from this point on is to survive

the election results are going to take a few days. The world is going to be very tense. I want you to take all the things you like to do to distract yourself and splurge on them. I want you to go eat your favroite foods and spend time with friends. I want you to do what you gotta do to make sure you can make it through the week.

There are people out there who want you to survive. There are people out there who are just as scared as you are.

We'll get through this. We will find a way

[linkspooky]

What in particular inspired you to write Burn This City, Burn This City Down? It's a very unique fic.

Oh man I hope you're ready to take my hand and go on a journey with me because this is going to be long ride.

The first version of this fic came from 1) the ending of the Search where Azula runs off into the woods and we were just left on that cliffhanger for years. The first story that ever gave me the inspiration though was Katanagatari by Nisioisin, especially after I read the translated light novel for the first time.

Katanagatari is a story of a former princess who wants revenge teaming up with a human who was raised as a weapon known as Yasuri Shichika who comes from an entire family of martial artists living on an island. She takes Shichika out to the world and they gather twelve magical swords for the shogunate government. Basically, it's easy to see how you could put Azula into this scenario. Except instead of swords it was just going to be Azula wanting to resolve different political issues or, my earliest idea was killing members of the red lotus in the colonies far from Zuko's jurisdiction.

Lio came from this initial idea and he was one, a person in the forest that Azula met, and two a very strong martial artist who is unhealthily devoted to her. Basically it's what Azula thinks she wants in a relationship, a perfect solider who follows her every order and is unconditionally loyal. That relationship eventualyl breaks apart though as Azula eventually has to go back to her real friends, because Lio mirrors like all her bad flaws at her.

I had serious trouble coming up with an overarching plot though, because Katanagatari's plot is just "go to the place, fight the guy, get the sword" and it was just hard to come up with 12 seperate guys for Azula to fight. Also it wasn't feasible because she'd basically spend all her time away from canon characters. I tried to throw Jet in too so it wouldn't just be Azula and this OC, but it never really got past the planning stages.

There were a few manga I read that were also Azula adjacent that helped further my ideas along. I've referenced Akatsuki no Yona before, and TGCF too, but those were a little bit too much like Katanagari. I liked the idea of like Azula roaming the country side with a partner character improving things by herself for awhile like Yona does with Akatsuki no Yona but I ran into the same problem again it would be 90% Azula and this oc with no canon interaction. I did like making Hua Cheng really weird though, and that became Lio like, developing entitled, posessive and borderline stalkery behaviors.

I'm sure you've noticed the fic hasn't become incredibly surreal and weird yet. So the actual tone and the way the fic portrays mental illness comes from three works in praticular. Tokyo Ghoul, which is kind of where I got my start on this blog, Kara no Kyoukai, and Tsukihime. The idea to make Lio a disassoicative disorder personality so Azula would have someone to sympathize with her and understand she's hallucinating came from a character named Shiki Ryougi who is also a character who has a system.

The prose style that is lowkey horror comes from my best attempts to write in a Nasu style in Tsukihime. Basically part of the reason the fanfic is so surreal is because I want to use elements of horror to add to the surrealism in order to make the audience viscerally fear the feel that characters like Azula do when they lose control over the reality in front of them.

When going in the forest for the Search I wanted to lean heavily on the Suicide Forest or the Forgetful Valley being an actually terrifying or unnerving setting to be in. I also thought the Mother of Faces was a cool idea for a spirit that the comics completely blew. So one of the improvements was making Mother of Faces a genuinely terrifying inhuman entity where the entire forest is basically her playground and humans are her puppets. It's a continued trend I want to do in this fic to make spirits like genuinely terrifying, and at the most indifferent to humans and at the worst extremely hostile.

The second was making the forest an actually scary and confusing place to be in. The forest is the head, and Azula is the head, and she's dreaming the forest. The forest is a metaphor for how Azula is lost inside her own head and trapped because no one in the world empathizes with her or tries to understand her, and like, Zuko sees her run into that huge forest twice and just watches her go even though she could end up dead in a ditch.

There's two big inspirations I took for describing the forest itself. The first was the book roadisde picnic and the movie STALKER which are about a zone in Russia which is fundamentally altered by aliens where nothing in that zone follows the laws of physics and instead follows their own abusrd laws. The second was from the book and movie annihilation. In annihilation the strange zone where strange things happen is nature actively like, retaking the earth, and changing the humans who enter that territory into something else.

As for Azula's narration itself and the way her mental health is depicted, I basically got her narration style down especially in her trippy points by reading Girl, Interrupted roughly one hundred times. My general rule of thumb is that Azula's narration is incredibly dry and mechanical and straight to the point, and her prose is very minimialist until it's not. Azula is very high functionning until she is not. Then the self-loathing, and the paranoia, and the voices begin to creep in. Yet on the surface Azula will do absolutely everything to pretend she is not loosing her grip of things until she has, full on meltdowns. This pattern continues ad infinituum, Azula just gets better at hiding her sympatoms and appearing more functional. Girl, interrupted though with the very detached kind of narration, the anachronistic order I employ a lot in this fic.

So the fic rewrite existed for awhile, like there were ten different drafts of the first chapter where Azula just finds a masked man in the woods after running away from Zuko.

So, okay I lied there is one more inspiration for the way I write Azula which is Zaregoto by Nisioisin and specifically the way he writes the main character IIchan and this very detached narrator voice who like, clearly suffers from some type of schizo-type and will have the most surreal moments of narration. That is primarily a mystery series so that's what gave me the plot in it's final form. It's basically like a mystery series that's led by two unreliable narrators Azula and Lio, and Zuko who let's be honest another unreliable narrator, and then Katara and Aang who are the most reliable narrators but they're also kind of like, they're not as aware of the dark side of the world and are more naive. I basically told myself like, I'll write it like a mystery novel. Instead of solving murders though it'll be political intrigue, where we have to follow two unreliable narrators. Two unreliable narrators who we don't know everything about bevcause the narration skips along their history in anancronistic order, and that'll be a metaphor for the weird way that Azula and Lio both experience reality because of how disordered their thinking is now.

The surraelist stuff started to finalize into like a solid plot when I read another fic. I don't know if I should like, mention this fic. I'm going to complain about it so I probably shouldn't mention it by name. Okay I'm just going to be vague about it. There was a Zuko / Sokka fanfic where Azula has been fully redeemed by her brother and they get along great and she is basically, playing political games in the court for her brother's sake. Sokka however doesn't know this and becomes suspicious of her and becomes embroiled in the politics too. In this version Azula is kind of just Zuko's attack dog which was very funny.

It's a fic where I did like Azula and Sokka's characterization, and like revitalized my desire to write avatar fic but I also had just as many faults in it. Basically my biggest nitpick in any Zuko and Azula fanfic is where they protray Zuko as a compassionate brother who helped Azula in her rehabilitation because like, that's just not what happened. So Zuko kind of just felt like a non character because there's no acknowledgment that Zuko can really be just as bad to Azula as Azula is to him and like... I need that drama in my life.

It also like timeskipped past her entire recovery and like I don't want sane Azula, I want barely functional Azula wearing a mask of sanity and convinced she peaked at fourteen and just trying to feel like the way she did when she was fourteen. I need her to be like "oh yes, I'm fixed now" and then have her start to break down again because she never actually learned to deal with stress.

The other was that the ocs in the fic were absolutely boring, like the villains were one note. It was this grand spiraling political plot but the villains behind the plot had no human motivations and Azula killed them in like five minutes. I was like no, no I can make my own ocs. I will have this new fic have actual compelling antagonists who feel like they are characters in the story and actually move the plot and challenge the main characters.

So to Summarize this long ramble, basically my idea for this fic came from the collective works of Nasu and Nisioisin. It started out as like, a journey through the colonies and help people fic to like, taking place entirely in Caldera City. That's where the current idea of Azula dealing with factions who are trying to take her brother's thrown from her, and also she's trying to play the political game that everyone else is playing comes from. Azula is playing political games but like, also, the people she's playing against aren't one note bad guys they're actually interesting characters.

I also want to basically adapt a kind of like, mystery novel character following the mystery through all the political intrigue and finding the answer. I guess you'd call that "Noir". Like the confusing surrealism stuff in the search part of the story shows how lost Azula is in the forest. The confusing surrealism stuff in Caldera City will now be about how Caldera city is a city of liars, where everyone has their own hidden motivation and Azula has to navigate all of that again.

Okay, I hope that answered your qusetion. I can cite some more sources on scenes that inspired me. That scene where Lio saw Azula and the first thing he thought about was how he wanted to stab her a whole bunch is a reference to Tsukihime where Shiki meets Arcueid for the first time.

The story for Azula, Interupted of someone else framing Azula for killing cats and turtleducks comes from a really brief flashback in Tokyo Ghoul where Mutsuki remembers killing cats as a child and gets made fun of for it. Then she remembers running all the way to where she buried all the cat's tongues, and picks the jar up and cries and begs for the cats to forgive her. I know that's kind of a weird scene, but basically that whole chapter came from my idea of Azula remembering getting slapped by her mom for killing the turtleducks and begging someone to believe her and then it suddenly flashes forward to the future and Azula is still crying about it.

That's all I can remember referencing or getting inspired by for now.

[alex-isnt-dead11]

I have heard a lot of people complaining about heartstopper on here, saying it has poor plot development and bad characters and, while I personally love heartstopper, I do somewhat agree. It isn't the most intense show, the characters aren't the most developed, yk why; it's for teenagers.

There are hundreds of terrible YA shows and books, all of which are miles less realistic and meaningful than heartstopper and teens love them because they're light and funny and slice of life. Kids love that.

And what's more it's a safe space for queer kids, it shows them that they can have normal happy lives with wonderful friends and happy safe age appropriate relationships. Lots of kids can't get that anywhere else. It also shows them how to tackle issues that are real for them e.g. eating disorders, trouble with family, insecurity in relationships

In conclusion, yes heartstopper isn't the best show on earth. If you're an adult you probably regard it as cringe or goofy because it's not for you, it's for kids. It's for you when you were 13 and had no idea if you'd ever be happy and safe and queer. And it does that job wonderfully.

[homocidalpotat]

Okay, I think we need to talk about the stigma or even just lack of education around being gluten-free.

I am coeliac. I have been coeliac since I was 7 years old. Coeliac disease is an immune disease which means I can't eat anything with gluten in it. If I do, I risk diarrhea, throwing up (for hours), being ill for over a week, intense cramps and lots more. My symptoms can last between a day and a month, and I don't even have it bad. If I don't throw up the gluten before it has got to my intestines, the gluten destroys the villi in my intestines, meaning I can't properly digest a lot of food until it heals. Before being diagnosed, I spent about a year experiencing intense fatigue- I would eat anything just so I wasn't in pain or starving (including fabric, books and all sorts of inedible things). If I didn't get that diagnosis, I don't even know if I would still be alive. And any form of gluten can trigger this- I accidentally inhaled a bit of flour and had to be off school. You get it, it's a really serious issue.

For those of you that don't know, gluten is a protein found in wheat, barley, and rye. This is found in flour (therefore bread, cakes, etc), and other things. Companies will even put barley into foods that don't need it. It is really common, and helps dough to stay together, for the most part.

There are many forms of being gluten-free. Allergies, intolerances/immune disorders, and choice. This is where a lot of the stigma comes from- people will intentionally go on a gluten-free diet even though it is bad for them. Being on a gluten-free diet is only healthy if you have a reaction to gluten. Gluten-free food is also less common, more expensive, and usually less delicious. The variety in gluten-free food is miniscule in most places. I haven't had a churro since before being diagnosed, and I don't even know what doughnuts actually taste like any more.

Because going on an unnecessary gluten-free diet is SO foolish, a lot of stigma arises. The majority of gluten-free people these days are gluten-free as a choice. Being a petite, young, white female, a lot of people assume that I also chose to. People make this assumption a lot. If I ask for a gluten-free option at a café, I get judged and glared at all over. "Oh look, another one of those idiots. She must think it's so cool to do that. It's not even healthy?". I have had my needs ignored or abused by caterers, party hosts and even my food-tech teacher.

Sure, people that choose to go gluten-free don't deserve that stigma. Maybe someone chose to be gluten-free to support their loved ones, maybe they are scared they could touch their loved one and make them ill. Maybe there are more gluten-free people in their household than not, so it makes sense to only make a gluten-free version of a meal, rather than making one. There are good reasons a person might go gluten-free other than medical reasons. Obviously, there are influencers (and influenced people) who think gluten-free diets are just another way to be trendy and lose weight (when they are denying their body something they need), and that is stupid, but it's not worth being hated on. Sure, as a coeliac person, I feel mocked and hurt by those people, but if someone asks for their food to be made specifically or whatever, just do it? Don't ask questions, you don't need to know.

On another note, so many people don't know what it is. A shocking amount. I once stayed at the hospital overnight and in the morning asked a nurse for a gluten-free breakfast and she said she didn't know what that was. I have been invited to so many parties just to be told "Oh, sorry, I didn't get anything gluten-free for you because I didn't know what it was". Representation matters!!! With representation, the world becomes safer for gluten-free people. With representation, more companies will increase and improve their gluten-free options!!! I'm tired of going to a bakery and the only gluten-free option is a brownie (I'm not joking. About 75% of all bakeries I've been to have said their only gluten-free option was a brownie, and I don't really like brownie.)

Please reblog this, especially if you aren't gluten-free. You don't know how many people you are saving from being ill or miserable. Let me know if I missed out on anything in this post, and feel free to add your own opinions and facts! This is a post about being gluten free and having food restrictions, don't derail.

[valenteal]

Okay I actually really hate this take I’m sorry. Anakin was not possessive or selfish and that’s not what the Jedi taught him.

The way I think of it is that Jedi pursue inner peace by disconnecting themselves emotionally from situations, they feel empathy in a very detached way. That’s what having no attachments means. It’s in the word. The Jedi are Detached from reality as it is perceived by humans.

The Force gives Jedi a glimpse of what it is to be a 4th dimensional entity with consciousness no trapped in a single moment in time. So to a certain extent they don’t actually perceive time linearly and thus do not feel they’ve lost something because it still exists in the past.

So now that we’ve established that yes Jedi are detached from the present let’s move onto the more problematic statement about selfishness and possessiveness.

It is not selfish to want unconditional love. That’s basic human nature. Anakin, a person who clearly suffers from borderline personality disorder which comes with symptoms such as fear of abandonment, an unstable view of the self, devaluing or overvaluing relationships to the point placing of one’s self-worth entirely in another person’s hands, and more, literally needs unconditional love and support. And he developed this disorder in large part because of the Jedi order and the way they treated him. He was simultaneously considered the “chosen one” and considered a burden or a problem. He had to change everything about the way he thought to fit the prescribed mold of what a Jedi should be, and he was held to higher standards because of his perceived “chosen one” status and people were disappointed when he failed to meet them. I know from experience how truly awful it is to be told “i know you can do better” in a disappointed voice when you’re honestly trying your best.

And that’s not even touching on how in Phantom Menace he created strong bonds with both Qui-Gon and Padmé only to have both of the ripped away right after he’d left behind everything he knew and loved. After the movie he was around nothing familiar or comfortable. He didn’t know Obi-Wan and he knew that Obi-Wan hadn’t actually wanted him as an apprentice or even in the Jedi order. So he was surrounded by a bunch of people who all thought he didn’t belong and only let him stay because of a dead man’s wishes. He was NINE and being told that everything he ever learned was wrong and backwards and leads to being evil and that he needs to be perfect for anyone else to think he belonged because even the smallest mistake would just confirm their preconceived beliefs about him.

And that’s not even mention Sidious’s manipulation. Anakin never would have become anything like Vader without Sidious leading him.

Also! There is a difference between possessive and protective! Anakin is protective! He has lost so much he’s clinging desperately to what he has! He wants to protect the one good thing in his life. He doesn’t try to control Padmé, they actually have a very healthy relationship, it’s the situation that’s toxic. Anakin doesn’t view Padmé as a possession, I don’t know why anyone would think that. Oh wait the Clovis arcs. Right. Those exist and other people actually consider them canon. That’s a whole ‘nother rant about writing that I’m not going to get into here. But let’s make this one thing clear, Clone Wars Anakin and movie Anakin are 2 totally different characters psychologically because of the awful reception of the prequel trilogy when it came out.

"no attachments" in SW literally just means "don't be selfish and possessive". that's it. that's all there is. doesn't mean jedi can't have friends and loved ones. they can. just. don't be possessive and selfish about it. don't murder thousands of people in an effort to save one.

[knoepfl]

No One Can Take What’s Mine

Okay this time it's not an anime character from my Hero Akademia this time it's Pennywise! I really love Horror-Movies so I thought I'd bring that in here too! Again this was inspired by @devotion-disorder so check them out! If you want to see more check out the Masterlist and if you have any specific character in mind you'd like to see just text me^^

Masterlist

---

The room smelled of rot and iron, and the dim light flickered weakly overhead. Pennywise the Dancing Clown stood in the middle of the cramped space, his unsettling grin twitching at the edges as he stared at the walls.

They were plastered with pictures—hundreds of them—each one showing you with someone else.

In every image, you smiled at that stranger, leaned close to them, held their hand, and laughed as if they were the only person in the world. The same kind of happiness you once showed only to him. And now it was theirs.

For a moment, Pennywise tilted his head, trying to process the scene with eerie curiosity. His golden eyes burned as they traced over every photo. His painted grin faltered slightly, exposing rows of sharp teeth beneath cracked red lips.

"This… This is funny," he muttered to himself, his voice shrill and breathy.

But no one else was laughing.

5 Minutes in:

Pennywise scratched his head, the frills of his collar crinkling as he shifted uncomfortably. His claws scraped lightly against the paper walls, tapping the photos as he swayed in place.

"Is this… a joke? A trick?" he whispered, his brows furrowing in confusion. His yellow eyes flickered with annoyance.

At first, he wanted to laugh—he’s a clown after all! But the joke wasn’t funny. Not to him. Something cold curled in his chest, a feeling far more unsettling than his usual hunger.

He ran a claw along one photo of you, tracing your smiling face. You looked so happy—but it wasn’t with him. His claw twitched violently, slicing through the paper with ease.

A growl bubbled in his throat, deep and guttural. His smile drooped further.

1 Hour in:

The walls seemed to press in closer, trapping Pennywise in an unfamiliar storm of emotions. He crouched low to the ground, gnawing on his gloved fingers while his golden eyes darted across the photos. His claws twitched, scraping the floor with jittery movements.

"Who… Who do they think they are?" he whispered, his voice soft, crackling with frustration. "Do they think they can take you away from me?"

He giggled—a high-pitched, erratic sound that echoed through the room. But the giggles quickly turned into ragged breaths, his entire body trembling as his mind spun in circles. The stranger in the pictures was everywhere, their hands on you, their face next to yours.

His claws clenched into fists, shaking with rage. "No, no, no… That’s not right! That’s not how it goes!" he snarled, his voice cracking. "You’re mine!”

But the pictures… they told a different story.

3 Hours in:

The grin was gone now—replaced by twitching lips and wide, frantic eyes. His chest heaved as he rocked back and forth on the dirty floor, his claws scratching at the back of his neck. The rage in his mind grew louder and louder, like the pounding of a drum he couldn’t escape.

"Not real… It’s not real… Right?" he whispered, his voice fragile, almost childlike.

His fingers fumbled over one of the photos. He crumpled it in his palm, but the moment he looked away, the image burned itself into his brain. The thought of someone else touching you—it made his skin crawl.

He let out a shuddering breath. “I can’t breathe…” He clawed at his chest, gasping. “I… I can’t—” His breath hitched, and a sharp, wheezing laugh escaped his throat.

His golden eyes twitched. His mind split open, unraveling at the seams. The clown inside him squirmed in agony, desperate to claim what was his.

6+ Hours in:

By now, Pennywise was on all fours, trembling violently, his yellow eyes glowing in the dim light. His claws tore through the photos one by one, shredding them with frantic energy. “It’s not real!" he shouted, the words bouncing off the walls. "It’s not real! It’s not—”

But what if it was?

His breaths came in ragged gasps, a twisted grin returning to his face as his sanity broke completely. “If it is real…” he whispered, his voice low and dangerous, “…then I’ll make them disappear.”

He chuckled, his shoulders shaking with each eerie laugh. His mind twisted, and thoughts of you flooded every corner of it. You were supposed to be his. The way you smiled, the way you laughed—it all belonged to him.

And if someone else thought they could have you?

Well… he’d just have to show them why no one crosses the Dancing Clown.

The Aftermath:

It didn’t take long for Pennywise to find you.

The moment you entered the room, his hulking form loomed in the shadows, his bright eyes glowing with a predatory glint. He moved closer with an unsettling grace, his cracked grin spreading wide as if nothing were wrong.

“There you are,” he whispered, voice as sweet as poison. “I was so worried about you.”

You barely had time to react before his long fingers curled around your wrist. The pressure wasn’t painful—but it was firm. Possessive.

“Where have you been?” he cooed, his grin never faltering. His eyes, however, told a different story—something far more dangerous simmered beneath the surface. “You know… I don’t like sharing.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but he placed a finger against your lips, silencing you. His other hand caressed your cheek, his claws gentle but threatening.

“Shh, shh,” he murmured, “it’s alright now. You’re back where you belong.”

And in that moment, you knew—there was no escaping him.

Pennywise's twisted obsession wasn’t born out of love. It was possession. A need to control. And now that he had you back, he wasn’t going to let you go. Not ever.

Because in his mind, you were his.

Forever.

---

[zivazivc]

Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?

It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)

Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...

Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)

Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).

Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.

So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...

But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.

Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.

Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.

Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.

Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.

And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.

Anyway...

Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.

So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...

(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)

Yeah...

I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:

[kagoutiss]

green beetle black beetle

[autisticlee]

"just be yourself" has always been one of my most hated things to hear from someone. it may sound simple and easy to you, but when you grew up never able formed a single solid personality (because you grew up autistic or for some other reason) and/or have always felt more like 20 different personalities in a trench coat who fight over who is supposed to be in charge, that "simple" advice is so much less simple.....it can even seem impossible.

[a-healthy-dose-of-apathy]

god i used to be so calm and cool and someone people looked to for comfort and now i’m this