#(okay as in morally acceptable? okay as in safe? okay as in let's stop thinking about this? Yes.)

[yandereunsolved]

"Don't Stop Me Now" — Five situations where yandere Five loses it

cw(s): yandere themes, non-descriptive self harm, mention of suicide and domestic violence

1 — someone ✗ something is trying to harm you

Pretty straightforward. 

This is the numero uno that comes along with every yandere.  

Five grew up with an abusive, emotionally absent father figure. He was pushed to be the best, the most successful of his siblings, just for an ounce of affection. He was isolated for so many years with nothing more than a department store doll. He has had to put away whatever loose morals he had to slave away in The Comission.

Then you come along and brighten up his life. No, you do more than that. You perfect it. 

Then someone comes and tries to strip that away from him?

It's safe to say you've only seen that crazed look in his eyes when you're in danger. He doesn't care about whatever mission, the greater good, or whatever the fuck when you may end up being killed. He's swift and merciless, just as he was taught. 

After he makes sure you are okay, he'll hold you to his chest for what feels like forever. He just needs to become secure again in the fact you are alive. You are here with him right now. It helps ground him so he doesn't end up going about on a killing spree. 

Yes. That has happened one too many times. 

Klaus now knows not to joke about random people flirting with you. Their spirits won't stop harassing him. In his defense, how was he supposed to know Five would just go out and slowly torture them before letting them waste away into death? Klaus didn't think Five was that unhinged. He knows better now.

2 — you harm yourself (in any way)

He keeps an observant eye on you, so it would be a miracle if you managed to accomplish anything along those lines. 

Two words. no. more. 

He has the internal breakdown. He's just standing there and staring at you. There are tears in his eyes. He wants to yell, to freak out, but his voice cracks far too much when he tries to reprimand you. 

No. Just no. 

That's the only word that encapsulates how he feels. 

He is not going to allow you to hold any sharp objects. He makes sure you have no contact with Diego. Five is paranoid and suspects that Diego had something to do with this. Somehow. 

You are more strictly monitored. 

He has an entire list of mental and physical health questions he asks you each morning. If you tell him to leave you alone or that you are tired, there's about a seventy percent chance that he'll go off. It would definitely be in a Five way. 

He'd be teleporting around you and sputtering out statistics and caring yet demeaning words. 

3 — keeping him out of the loop

Five is meticulous. 

When you keep him out of the loop—which could mean not saying good morning to him or hiding a romantic relationship—he feels so powerless again. He needs to know what is going on with you so he can protect you if need be. 

Don't even try to argue with him. 

He's older than you, so he knows best. 

He has so much more experience at anything and everything. He can solve all of your problems if you just let him in. 

Does that mean he will do the same in return? No. 

There's no reason for you to know what he is doing at any point of the day. You don't need to worry your pretty little head about it. Aka, he's doing things that are morally gray at best and human rights violations at... that's still one of the better cases. 

Just tell him. Or he'll force it out of you.

4 — things being out of his control

This ties in with every other scenario. 

He needs to be in control.

Everything has to be perfect. 

If one thing goes wrong, then you may slip through his fingers. 

That isn't allowed to happen. It can't. 

It eats away at him at night to think something could happen that he can't control. 

The apocalypse happened, and he had to spend decades just accepting that fact. Until there was a chance he could change it. 

Now he has to. He has to change, sort, and neatly put away everything. No speck of dust is out of place. If it is, then he'll end up pushing himself into fixing it, to the point of exhaustion or death—whichever comes first.

5 — escaping successfully

The only time there is a plausible chance he will resort to physical violence. 

Why, why, why, why, why, why!?

How could he be so idiotic? How did you do it? Who helped you? 

Whoever helped you is going to die if they haven't already killed themselves because they know Five is going to be coming after them. 

He will act nonchalant, like he is in control, when he finally finds you once again. He'll tease, poke, and prod at your fear, like a ringmaster taming their lion. A part of this act is the truth. He has you back, and now everything can go back to how it was. The other part of him is still devastated and wants to curl up in your lap and just be safe there.

Yandere Five: fragile—handle with care.  

✗ @clarioscharm

[gremlinmodetweeker]

König of the Icks

I’m sorry y’all, König is an ick magnet. He’s such an awful human being. Not because he’s genuinely vile or awful or morally fucked (okay a bit morally fucked), but simply because he does so many things that give the ick. He’s King of the Icks. He really is. He’s awful. So, with me breaking your bubble, let’s go over a few of the icks that I think are most prevalent. More posts of König icks to come.

König wears socks and sandals. Or socks and crocs. He’s awful. He only does it when he’s wading in the water, meaning he’ll walk around in wet socks for about an hour afterwards until they dry out. It’s so disgusting I cannot stress how awful it is. He tries to tell people that it’s safer and more comfortable, but he looks awful. It’s a fashion nightmare. No human should be wearing socks and sandals while wading in the water. In all fairness, he’s right, it does keep his feet safe, but does he really need the socks???

He wears clothes in the wrong size almost all the time. You tried to get him clothes in the right size, but he rarely wears them. He wears clothes too large because he says it’s ‘comfy’ but he looks like a slob. He’s so disgusting it hurts. He doesn’t even treat his clothes well because they collect spills and stains as he wears them for multiple days in a row. He’s had someone ask if he needs money for a bus ticket before. It was the one time in his life he realized how other people saw him. He’s since started to try to wear nicer clothing when going out. Around the house though? He looks terrible.

This wouldn’t be so much of an issue if he weren’t such a messy eater. He may look like a slob, but normally he’s very clean and neat in his habits. He cleans dishes immediately after using them, he sweeps and mops regularly, he has good personal hygiene and takes care of himself. He’s a generally clean person. That is until he sits down to eat. It’s awful because he takes bites that are too big and then it’ll fall out of his mouth and onto his shirt. He’ll then suck the stain to ‘get it out’ but it just makes things worse. He also uses his shirt as a napkin or towel, depending on the situation. He’ll also make pretty loud sounds when he eats, especially when he’s eating noodles or slurping a smoothie. If you think you’re lucky and these will be rare instances, he has a protein shake every morning and will have a bowl of buttered noodles at least once every other day (usually more).

Along this line, König got in deep shit for not having a white shirt when he was a new recruit. They asked him why he wasn’t wearing a white shirt, and he told them that it was, in fact, the standard issue white shirt. The sergeant pointed at all the other recruits in bleach white shirts, and then back at König’s grey shirt. They got into a huge argument, only for the drill sergeant to pale when he spun König around and read the tag because this grey piece of shit was a white t-shirt all along

König is an excellent cook. Why is this an ick? Because he doesn’t cook. He could, if he tried, but he’s too lazy so he just throws a day-old grilled cheese in the microwave and calls it done. He then has the nerve to complain that he’s hungry when all he’s eaten are old chips and candy bars. The only time he’ll consider cooking is if you ask him to cook or if he’s having company. Otherwise he will eat trash and you cannot stop him. He will, however, once a week or so lay out a full meal. It's beautiful and delicious, but you know he'll be eating leftovers for days, and then go back to a day of only junk food, then he'll finally force himself to cook again.

On the topic of food, König refuses to accept that food can expire. Just straight up. He doesn’t believe in expiry dates. ‘It’s a best by date, not an expiry date’ is his motto and he pays for it. At this point, he has a designated sick bucket because he gives himself food poisoning so often. All the others soldiers can’t believe that he’s fine with the MREs, but you know that when he comes home, he’ll be chowing down on stale bread he found in his fridge with moldy cheese. It’s disgusting and you have to regularly clean his fridge, lest he get sick eating things. He will also fish things out of the trash, so you have to be tactical in how you remove things. It’s a dangerous game.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of my König ick list. I’m telling you all that this man is a gremlin, and we love him for it. Part of the joy of dating König is dealing with his icks and suffering.

[hestzhyen]

So, About That Drama...

After seeing the Kagurabachi community meltdown play out on Twitter, Discord, and Reddit, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that the era of peace towards all is over. I'm so glad I put down roots here instead of the other places.

Whatever might have been true when the fandom just started out, the gen spaces are no longer safe for fujoshi/shippers.

Katsu, the biggest artist in the Western fandom -and someone I consider a friend-, was bullied out because of two individuals with personal vendettas and not enough resistance against them. Her final message is here:

https://x.com/Katsutacle_/status/1879888982886224206

I'm not going to write an in-depth essay about everything that happened. It's been less than a month since I got back from the hospital and the last thing I need in my life is stress over online "discourse". I've just been trying to help the main victim behind the scenes and speak up when I'm able. I so sincerely do not want to be involved in this bullshit... I just want my friend to be okay no matter what she decides to do in the future.

I usually don't get involved in fan spaces because I'm tired of trying to exist in places I'm not wanted. I don't expect everyone to enjoy things the same way I do. I just want to talk about them with the handful of other people who see things the same way... but it's so tiresome to be punched down on because I think it would be neat if two fictional guys fell in love.

I wanted to believe that Kagurabachi could be different. I did at the start, which helped me embrace the series wholeheartedly where I would normally hold back. And I don't regret letting this manga take over the precious few working brain cells I have. My only regret is believing the warmth and acceptance would last. As of now, the Kagurabachi fandom is far more interested in keeping a false peace that only benefits the usual suspects instead of making the space truly welcoming to all fans.

I won't stop posting about this manga and I won't write off everyone else- a lot of people sent well-wishes to Katsu and got their accounts banned on Avizie's Discord and subreddit to support her. I'm just putting expectations for the general fandom's behaviour back down to where they should have been all along.

I simply won't be telling people that it's worth joining the community any more or that it's wholesome compared to others. It's just more of the same with a thin veneer of acceptance over the same old tendency to belittle and ostracise. I'm glad I decided to keep to myself for the most part and only toss my thoughts out to the void instead of engaging on a deeper level. I should be sad or upset over this, but... I've been in fan spaces for long enough that it's just normal now. Not once have I ever felt at home in a main anime/manga space even if I didn't ship any characters from the series. Seems like I'll have to keep waiting for a place to belong.

And if anyone tries to cast this as a "ship war" because it involved the two most well-known shippers in the fandom and their "rival" ships, that's not it. That's misconstruing what actually happened to write it off as dumb fandom drama. Trying to cast the bullshit as a moral argument because Hakuri is 17 or because Katsu drew clearly labeled NSFW YuraChihi isn't the point- it's a deflection. Katsu was bullied out because Yuna (YunAris) and Avizie hated her guts despite her giving them every possible chance to act like decent people.

Avizie never liked her after she called him out for trying to get JJK-style leak culture in the fandom, and Yuna... I don't know her, but seeing how she stalked and harassed minors for weeks because they called Chiyuki and her art mid (without tagging her or anyone else!), then kicked off all this drama by pulling in Katsu and simbay who had nothing to do with it... she needs to get a grip on herself and grow up. Both of these individuals are adults, mind you. And both of them cannot stand Katsu for very personal and petty reasons.

So here we are.

It was never about the HakuHiro vs. Chiyuki nonsense, Hakuri's age, or anything else for Yuna and Avizie. All of it was merely an excuse to harass and slander Katsu until she was driven out. And good for them I guess because it worked. I hope they find the healing they obviously need to grow and become better people, but for now, I'm going to further distance myself from the fandom at large and be there for my friend.

Not much else to say really. If you have a choice, be kind.

[candiid-caniine]

on punishment. tw: dom-shaming

so this post is going around on some blogs i follow and i kind of want to discuss it, without adding to a post that has some fair and reasonable points:

in context, the bulk of this post is about training a submissive partner to take on some behaviors, or cease others, and how the author believes praise/rewards are the most effective + ethical way to do this. buuuut this doesn't sit right with me.

there's definitely a need 4 discussion with some subs about how their desires are not punishment-worthy or guilt-worthy. + much to be said about the psychological efficacy of behavioral change methods. i think it's probable that many subs have a negative relationship with punishment for good reasons, and in particular i think the OP here may have personal issues with the topic, which they are fully entitled to.

however, acting as if this is the best practice is, imo, harmful and unacceptable. i'll be addressing the issues i have with it under the cut; if you don't want to see discourse/philosophy, don't click :)

your sub is not your child: "training" is an entirely conscious and mutual decision. the post does mention this, but it also shames doms who are inclined to use punishment as a training method. let me be clear on how i feel here: the efficacy does not matter. you are adults. if you mutually decide punishment is an acceptable way to train, it's your brain.

you know what motivates me the most to change my behavior? being treated like someone who knows what they are doing.

"an adult punished for stealing will learn to steal more effectively." consider that the adult is making the choice to steal regardless, whether out of necessity or due to personal motivation. a sub who wants to be trained is not an adult who doesn't want to be stopped from stealing. both of these points are needlessly infantilizing to the submissive.

"Your submissive is no different from any of those examples." yes the fuck they are. your examples are a dog, a child, and a person the state views as a criminal. if your submissive is "no different" from those examples, you need to examine your shit as an adult and remand yourself to some form of personal growth.

"why would you want to rule through fear." because the fear is fun. lol. alternatively, doms who want to rule through pure, earnest, and unwilling fear are not doms, they're abusers. no matter the level or relationship involved in behavioral training for subs, the end goal is mutual fulfillment. if you don't like what others do in their bedrooms, or their 24/7 dynamics...simply don't participate.

"kill the cop in your head." okay. i already did that--i killed the part of my brain that moralized the things i wanted in my dynamic. i killed the part of my brain that designated punishers as violent, cruel, and unstable and the people who want to be punished as naive, weak, and child-like.

listen. my goal is not to say this person is wrong, or that their feelings towards punishment in a power dynamic or a training dynamic are invalid. they are very much not!! my issue is the dom-shaming and sub-infantilizing rhetorics behind what should be a personal exploration, not a sweeping, moralistic generalization about what consenting adults should do in their relationships.

if punishment in a training dynamic makes you feel unsafe, that's okay. don't do it.

if punishment in a training dynamic makes you feel safe, that's great. do it.

if your partner disrespects your position on either side, or intentionally trains you in a way they know you dislike, they are a bad partner and that is a separate issue.

punishment, for those who choose to utilize it in a training situation, is:

a morally neutral action. it would be immoral if it was done without consent. that is an issue with consent, not punishment.

agreed upon by both parties. see above.

sometimes pleasant: in this case, it may be sexually fulfilling, which makes it more of a soft punishment/"funishment." it becomes either a safe, predictable outcome for bratting, which can promote feelings of trust in the dynamic, or just unpleasant enough that the partner being "trained" prefers not to do it most of the time.

sometimes unpleasant: not sexually gratifying, perhaps, but still a reinforcement of the dynamic. again, a way to promote safety and predictability. your dom isn't slacking. your dom cares about your behavior. your dom's attention is on what you do, good or bad, because they're invested in you.

a way to reclaim feelings of guilt, make them safe, and deconstruct them. i cannot stress this enough. guilt over "bad" behavior (that i as an adult know i am allowed to do, but want to be controlled in) is not always a safe emotion for me to be alone with. as someone with religious trauma, as someone who grew up in a religious, corporal-punishment household, being punished for "bad behavior" is vital to my mental health in a dynamic. it lets me process guilt and shame, however "undeserved," in a safe way with a clear ending. it gives me closure. whether that makes me damaged or not, it also gets me the fuck off, so idc. there's a reason i prefer RACK over SSC these days, and it's because moralized definitions of the word "sane" are rampant.

not your business.

please, please make an effort to stop moralizing over what adults get up to in the bedroom. your dynamic is a personal choice that does not reflect on your moral value. i would normally have no issue with this except that OP is phrasing their opinion as a "guide" or "how-to." here is a list of true things, or affirmations, if you felt as unsettled by this as i did:

what goes on in your head is more important than psych articles.

you are allowed to choose how to motivate yourself to change your behavior.

doms are not controlling, abusive, or bootlickers for enjoying using punishment as a motivator.

subs are not damaged, oppressed, or naive for being motivated by punishment.

it does not mean you need to grow as a person if you want to balance punishment and reward in your dynamic.

mental safety is more important than psychological efficacy.

guilt and shame are things you are allowed to process however you want.

i just really need people to stop pushing dom-shaming narratives under the guise of pop psychology + holistic wellness language, pls and thanks. everyone thinks they're an expert nowadays, but the only expert on your mental and sexual wellbeing is you--and hopefully your partner(s) are willing to develop the same expertise :)

play risk-aware and consensual, my loves!

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

hi um if you’re into rain world nsfw don’t put other people down for enjoying stuff you don’t like.

brother these people are your fucking friends in a sea of little children and annoying little shits who can’t get laid. genuinely what goes through your head when you declare that you aren’t one of the bad ones.

you think a tween with a superiority complex whose been fed tiktok buzzwords and “beware of these pro-shipper combos !” content is gonna give a shit? you think they’re gonna look at your cutesy lilypad porn or your softcore anthro porn and nod their heads letting you into rain world vip or something?

no. you aren’t a safe space, you’re part of the problem. why do you think you feel so threatened in this fandom in the first place? because first the internet came for the people who “proship”. labelling people who enjoy exploring dynamics that perhaps aren’t legal, or perhaps aren’t morally correct. and you didn’t do anything, because that wasn’t you. But then the internet came for you, too! and yet some of you still want to point fingers, no.

no, get yourself together, and realise the line between what turns you on and what’s okay in reality will. always. be. blurry. grow a spine and learn to stop grovelling for acceptance in people who don’t care about you.

.

[sheathz]

If your moral take away on Andrew is that it's okay he killed someone to protect his brother but it isn't okay that he drugged Neil because Neil was a percieved threat and he was protecting his family, I need you to sit down and ask yourself why you're willing to excuse one bad action but not the other when they were both done for the same exact reasons: protecting people Anrrew cares about.

Playing moral Olympics on a fictional characters actions when both actions have the same goal is extremely contradictory and honestly makes no sense especially when one is socially less acceptable than the other and yet that's the one you're excusing. Andrews actions are morally grey with the same sense of "justifying" reason behind them but in the end were overall still illegal. Just because Neil turned out not to be a threat doesn't mean he didn't have the capacity to be one and it doesn't mean that Andrews judgement was any less valid even if his actions were extreme. Let's not forget Andrew near killed a guy for being homophobic to and going after Nicky, I don't think you can measure Andrews morals when his main and only one is: Keep those I care about safe.

Stop pitting Andrews actions against eachother under the guise of moral high ground it makes no sense and is frankly dumb asf. You're trying to apply some kind of narrative of judgment to a character who frankly would not gaf and doesn't have the same desire to be morally correct like y'all seem to.

[josy-woodhouse]

Okay I have to say it.

Will, Ada and Montresor did something way worse than Annabel Lee.

Why? Because motive matters. Now don't get me wrong, a good motive cannot justify an inherently evil action, it however matters more and more when going deeper into more morally grey areas.

Annabel has made it very clear she understands these people, including Duke to be damned regardless of her actions and basically sees herself confronted with a trolley problem that goes: "You, your wife and like X other people are bound to rails. A trolly will run over all but one of you. However if you pull just the right levers, both you end your wife will survive. The first lever you must pull is on Duke." While this doesn't make her actions noble, it gives them a noble cause and one could argue in several ways that she's acting within a moral grey area if we take the situation to be as unshakable as it seems. To make to examples, one could argue in an utalitarian way (this saves more lives than the other option) or in a very human way (this saves a loved one at the cost of a soon to be dead man, who could blame her?). There are also concepts of morality that would condemn her, like for example the categoric imperative or Jewish or Christian (and I think Muslim) religion, in which it is inherently bad to kill a single person even to safe thousands of others.

Annabel considers killing Duke a necessary evil.

Montresor however is acting out of pure sadism and spite and he puts on quite a show to make this clear. He had done so even if he believed everyone would get a happy end and he is having the time of his life killing Duke. That is picture book chaotic evil behaviour right there and by no means redeemable.

Will and Ada? Arguably worse than Montresor, at least not a bit better. This is the kind of stuff that makes large scale modern genocides possible. Hannah Ahrendt (great woman, you should look her up) argues in her book "Eichmann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil" that evil at its worst is not some kind of demonic evil like it has been preached in medieval times, but lays within the sheer banality of an office worker casually doing the phone calls and paper work necessary to send thousands to their certain death, while the office worker goes back home, eats dinner with his family and thinks "I'm just doing my job. It's my supervisors moral responsibility, not mine."

Ada and Will tried to kill for no other reason than because they have been told to do so and the lack of willingness to accept responsibility really shows in their actions afterwards. So I am a bit confused when I see people arguing how terrible Annabel Lee is while defending the "poor boy Will".

So, controversial opinion: in this very specific case, even though Annabel Lee either started this or at the very least didn't stop it when she clearly could have, she hasn't committed anything as immoral as her henchmen committed, who did not even need a motive to kill.

Also I would every day prefer an Annabel Lee willing to kill Duke to safe her wife in the long run over an Annabel Lee that prefers to not be a controversial female character. Let's not forget these people don't actually exist.

[asirensrage]

Heyy! How are you doing?

Well, I recently read an older fic of yours, Unrepentant, and it was breathtaking.

I did have a question tho, since we first met Kakucho and reader later on mentioned that Mikey probably kept him away from her, I wanted to know for what reason?

I ask this because Kakucho seemed as bad as the others since he kissed the reader and then somewhat convinced her to just take it since he got her a job (a well paying one at that).

So is he against what Bonten is doing to her...

Oh Unrepentant...that was a fun fic to write.

Okay! So, the line I believe you're referring to is this one: "it makes you think of Kakucho who’s either not attending or has been ordered away from you." I'm gonna put this under a readmore since we're gonna be talking about the corruption, free use, possession and more.

Honestly, he's probably just busy handling something for Bonten. He's #3 and capable, and it might be a bit of a punishment for being lenient enough on the reader that they felt they could attempt to escape.

Kakucho led her into the trap, corrupted her (and manipulated her) into accepting her role/position as their whore. She's theirs though, more importantly, she's Mikey's. Even if Kakucho was the one who found her, it's Mikey who decides to keep her and just allows the others to share her.

Kakucho is not a good man, not this version of him. I think that while he might try to hold himself to a higher standard, it's very easy to let yourself get lost in the world around you and fall deeper into your...own choices. He's an executive of Bonten. He's number 3. And in this he manipulated a woman until she was addicted to drugs, dependent on them and willing to sacrifice her morals to keep her and her family safe. He also has no regrets (which is partly where the title comes from. It's the men who are unrepentant, who have no regrets for what they're doing to her...and she's trying to achieve that herself so she can stop feeling worse about what she's doing).

This was a bit of an attempt to delve deeper into the type of men they are in this timeline. It was also partly inspired by Sink to the depths by @seijorhi (which is utterly fantastic and dark and if you haven't read it, go read it.)

I hope this made sense lol. Honestly I just liked the idea of Kakucho being the one to lead her to this fate because you'd never expect it lol.

[olderthannetfic]

Thinking about the asks a while back regarding accepting ex-antis. Obviously they are just as welcome in fandom as anyone, and they make fine acquaintances spotted in passing.

But, I think antis who decide they're not antis anymore often seem like they decide this about themselves at the drop of a hat? Like, they have one conversation, or two conversations, and they think "Ohh, people are mad at me when I say they should be jailed for fanfic crimes? Okay! I don't believe that anymore! I changed my mind!"

That's a very serious thing about which to change your mind in a hot second. Of course, on the one hand, I'm pleased: I think having stupid pissfights about the evils of shipping, in a reality where I walked to the bookshop and bought The Misfortunes Of Virtue when I was 13 and nobody even noticed let alone cared, is fucking stupid.

But on the other hand, I think this is the crux of my mistrust: I have not yet been convinced to "change my mind" about a sincere, core belief because someone yelled at me and made me feel bad. And it's hasn't been for a lack of yelling.

I feel like this kind of dime-stop turn from antis is really about conforming to stay safe from harassment and censure within a perceived in-group, and not about establishing a reasoned moral framework by which you want to act in the world. And it's fine to be a go along to get along and avoid thinking too much about moral issues and to change your mind whenever people get mad at you. But, you see, whatever new opinion that kind of ex-anti now espouses, if it's not a lie right now, it evidently might be in, like, ten minutes when someone else acts mad at them.

I'm not advocating for being mean to such people, obviously, and I don't even think you can necessarily tell someone who does this apart from someone who actually had a sincere and thought-out change of heart without pretty extensive acquaintance. I just think with a lot of people I see suddenly declare themselves not antis anymore... non-interaction is the way to go for me.

--

Much depends on how much they ever believed it in the first place.

If they don't have any strong belief other than wanting to hide from harassment, they can be pushed around again.

If, on the other hand, they were super into some dark fiction or something and using this crap to delay their kink awakening, if they can once accept themselves, they aren't going to swing back the other way.

Honestly, I expect most people to be cowards if they see someone bullying the person next to them. I expect people to jump on bandwagons. Antis are a particularly visible and douchey variety of this at the moment, but they're hardly alone.

I don't care about avoiding ex-antis because I think most of the issues with them can crop up with nearly anyone. But yes, there are often traces of One Right Way-ism and other annoying artifacts of their old views.

[shitouttabuck]

i joke, don’t i, about my dog-coded heart. i love you like a dog, i grin, and they hear devotion and loyalty and desperation for love

i love you like a dog, and that’s cute because i’m affectionate and i’m on your side and i want to be close, all the time

but i love you like a dog, and that’s everything turned up to eleven because i’m at a party on saturday night when you call me and tell me someone hurt you. there’s calm in a crisis but no sanity—just worry and the need to protect you. i sit at the foot of your hospital bed and find the girl on facebook and tell her if she ever comes near you again i will put her in the ground myself

i love you like a dog, and i sleep on the floor of your room when we get home. i walk you to class and i glare at everyone who looks at you with anything other than kindness and i pick you up from work when your boss won’t stop staring at your bare arms

i love you like a dog, and i get an email from the university regarding my behavioural issues. you can’t threaten another student, they say. but other students can tell their classmates to kill themselves? i ask. they only reply with a date for a disciplinary hearing

i love you like a dog, and you don’t come with me. you ask if i really said those things to her. of course i did. you say maybe you will go stay at your dad’s for christmas after all

i love you like a dog, and you’re realising i’m not a good one. you come home; i’m there at the door. i love you like a dog, and you’re realising that means codependence and possessiveness and doing anything for you at the cost of everything and everyone else

i love you like a dog, and this is not what you signed up for. there’s only so much training can do: i am so good at pretending i will follow every basic command, at pretending i will behave in a way that’s acceptable

do you even know the difference between good and bad? you ask me one night, halfway to tears in the kitchen when i’m standing between you and the door, begging you don’t go see her. how is what she said to me any different from what you said to her?

and i think maybe i don’t know the difference between good and bad, only what the difference means to you. i know which behaviours performed gets me a smile and a pat, and i know which has you desperate to escape my attempt to be your shadow, nose bumping your heels with every step you take away

i don’t know the difference between good and bad, i only know how to love you. but i love you like a dog, and that’s not the way you want to be loved, because keeping you safe and keeping you warm shouldn’t ever come at the price of suffocating under my heart and apologising to your colleagues for my bad manners and stubborn presence

i love you like a dog, and maybe that would be okay if i was a dog who listened. i love you like a dog and maybe that would be okay if i didn’t have a temper. i love you like a dog and maybe that would be okay if i was a dog who knew you’re coming home when you leave

but instructions and implorations mean very little when my right and wrong is all in context of your well-being, and i am capable of both bark and bite, and you stopped coming home altogether

i love you like a dog, and it’s exhausting for you. you’re not the bad guy; you gave me a home and loved me and let me love you. you didn’t ask for a problem pet—you wanted a friend to share a house with. someone to text from the grocery store, someone to make breakfast with on sundays, someone to cover late rent

i still joke about loving like a dog. i think i’m better, these days, at pretending i know where good and bad lie. pretending i care, because you care. and maybe that’s not a pretence, then. i do care because you care. i just don’t know if my love will ever stop taking priority over morality. i’ll pretend. i’ve only lost one person since you, so maybe that’s growth

you look happy in your photos. you have a cat; that made me laugh. i’m not going to click accept on the request, because i don’t think i know how to love you any different than i did six years ago. but—and you might never know this—i’m always going to love you anyway. we may have bled out, quick and messy euthanasia of the life we built, but i love you like a dog, and that shit’s unkillable

[andromeda-pleiades]

Feel free to just read this and delete it, I don't need a response.

Re: your recent post about noncon/underage content in fandom spaces, specifically in CoD:MW.

It's not an individual's place to police what Fanfiction or Fanart people create. The characters are fictional. The death, torture, and destruction in CoD fics are also fictional. In no country is murder "okay" either, but people die in Fiction all the time. There's a specific tag on Ao3 that authors can and should put on their works if the work features Under-Age or noncon content. You can filter out that tag and not read it.

I don't read them, certainly, bc that's not the kind of story I'm interested in reading, but it doesn't mean it's my right to tell authors to stop writing it. I don't read fics involving daddy kink bc it squicks me out like hell, but it is not my place to tell authors to stop writing fics with it. Fictional characters can't break irl laws, even in "reader insert" fanfictions. Authors are not and cannot be held accountable for the things they write, because they write fictional stories.

I recommend you block the users and tags you don't want to see, and you help encourage the creators you do want to see without insulting others. Your experience will improve. I want it to improve. I don't want you to be unhappy with your experience in any fandom. Fandom spaces are places to find your people, find your little joys, and to coexist peaceably, and it's wonderful when it all works.

With all due respect, you're well spoken, but that's where my respect ends

Let's do this in points

I am not policing what people write. I simply stated how i feel about certain content on the internet.

If you think writing character death or death in general is the same or equal to writing pornographic content about children, you're too far gone.

Once again, you try to dumb down pedophilia into something less than what it is. The things about daddy kinks are two consenting adults who are not getting off on the manipulation and r*pe of children.

Like I said in my previous post, I don't care about your laws or that 'fictional characters' can't break them. I believe that pedophiles are the absolute scum of the earth, and I have no positive feeling when I think of those horrid and disgusting people.

Also, I want to make this very clear. I don't care if you write weird, illegal things like vore or kidnapping on the internet, I only care about the children, and I wish nothing but the worst on anyone who wishes harm on them mentally, physically, and sexually.

I know it may seem hypocritical for me to be okay with certain things on the internet and not okay with other things but I am my own person and I'm allowed to have my own moral compass. And I find no reason why anyone should be okay with this type of content being allowed on the internet.

I know that blocking them and moving on about my day would be the socially acceptable thing to do. But I don't have to be content with the media people consume on the internet. I also have a platform, and I feel strongly about this, so I'm gonna speak out on it.

I know I might sound a bit extremist on this matter, but that's exactly how I feel, I care so deeply about children and their future, and well-being. That I will commit war crimes to make sure they're safe

Also next time you write something think what's the point, if the point is defending pedophiles then you're probably on the wrong side.

[akc-g]

the thing is ultimately idc what ppl do. u can do whatever u want. nobody can stop u from doing what u want. fictional characters ARE just fictional characters. ur not doing anything illegal aside from technicalities that we can argue abt all day. all of this ultimately IS debating based on ur personal morals n frameworks n none of this tangibly affects reality. there are sliding scales of acceptable for like everything in these discussions etc etc dark media has its place. i dont like that u will get, like, 'anti' spaces for lack of a better word that refuse to have anything troubling in fanwork or leave room for nuance. i think these spaces are very kid-orientated n we as adults need to actually argue w each other not 15yos who just learned the concept of fandom but im getting off topic.

my points onwards are that fiction is ALWAYS grounded in reality in some way - the characters exist for a reason, the story exists for a reason, fanwork exists for a reason. asking urself why you enjoy xyz n how you enjoy it is like a thing everyone should be asking themselves and your feelings from that also exist for a reason. nothing exists out of nothing. my feelings on this subject don't exist out of nothing - your feelings on this subject don't exist out of nothing.

and the second point that hasnt been talked to death is that, okay, yeah, fandom politics do not affect real life. but if they don't matter, if ppl upset dont matter, then why do YOU need them to matter? why is it just vacum sealed fiction when someone complains but when you talk about it, its suddenly important queer media? it clearly matters to you. it clearly has an impact on you. why can't it have an equally negative impact on others as the positive impact it had on you? why does fandom only matter when it helps? besides that something not touching the real world can be true while it very much effecting the niche space you inhabit, which is important in this context.

i respect that ppl get defensive of their interests and the things that bring them comfort, letting go of coping mechanisms or simply happy interests is difficult. i generally dont think ppl on the 'opposite side' are some kind of inhumane monsters. we r all just ppl trying to find something to make ourselves feel better abt our world. what makes you feel safe isn't inherently a good thing tho just bc it makes u fuzzy. this goes for like. everything ever but *post context*. ig my whole point is less ppl have no media literacy but that ppl deliberately have none bc ppl want to stay comfortable in the niches theyve created.

[itsclydebitches]

I'm on season four of my Walking Dead rewatch and it kinda baffles me that Carl isn't the one to kill Karen and David.

Obviously this would require reworking later episodes/seasons (Carol would no longer get kicked out, this would be a huge blow to Rick, etc.) but imo it makes way more sense for their character arcs, Carl in particular. We've just come off of a season where Carl shoots someone, a kid (by Hershel's standards) while he was lowering his weapon, then strongly defends himself to Rick. This isn't a moment where Carl considers shooting someone to eliminate a potential, future threat—which could have been a nice parallel to Rick nearly giving the Governor Michonne—or a case of him only wounding the kid on accident and essentially getting a reprieve. You didn't kill him, so now you have to chance to consider whether you'd have been okay with the fact that you had. No, Carl murders this guy and then displays no remorse for it, speaking with complete conviction that they must eliminate anyone who crosses them to keep their family safe. That's a hell of a set-up for the next season.

So Rick takes Carl's gun away and, given that he needs a break from the pressures of leadership himself, tries to rehabilitate Carl by redirecting his care-for-the-family energy into gardening. Okay, so far, so good. The problem is that nothing happens during "Infected" to change Carl's moral stance. He's forced to pick up a gun to defend Michonne from a walker and Rick accepts the necessity of that, giving Carl his own weapon back at the same time Rick takes his. The message is far more, "I recognize that you need a way to defend yourself in this new world and I trust you to use this responsibly"—growth Carl already went through back in the second season—rather than, "I can trust that you'll use this on walkers and immediate threats only, not the people surrendering who might later become allies, friends, and family like so many others have." There's a vague reference to how Carl has been "trying" lately (AKA over the course of a month given the time skip) and that Rick is proud of him for that, but it's merely implied that Carl has changed his mind on this incredibly fraught issue. Worse, that this monumental change happened off-screen between seasons.

So why not get rid of that lackluster, non-redemption by really leaning into Carl's flawed perspective for a while? Season three gave no indication that he was backing down about this, so... he doesn't. Rick takes his gun, makes him farm, and all the while Carl is chaffing at the kid treatment and what he's coming to see as his father's "weak" approach to contribution. Why are you farming when you could be out there defending us? Cue arguments about the necessity and worth of keeping a home running, even when yes, physical safety is a major priority. (That's something I always thought was missing from the Andrea vs. Lori kitchen argument in season two. Lori is wrong for the misogynistic, "Let the men do it" attitude, but Andrea is equally wrong to devalue the "laundry" Lori does—AKA, everything that ensures the fighters are fed, clothed, clean, have a roof over their head, and have something to come home to after all that horror.) Rather than Carol, I can easily picture Carl realizing that no one is going to stop treating him like the kid he is, so he uses that to his advantage by starting story time. Yes, Dad, I'm doing exactly what you want and taking time away from the horrors of this world, acting my age by enjoying some good books with my friends. I'm definitely not teaching them about knives and stuff :) When the sickness hits Carl again has that need to do something, to protect everyone, but no one is letting him near a gun. Alright. That's fine. He's resourceful. He's still allowed a knife and there's no one guarding the gasoline. Taking out a sick Karen and David in their sleep is easy.

I can better buy into someone Carl's age thinking that killing the people showing symptoms will fix the problem, as opposed to Carol, an adult on the council who knows more about how disease works and that they're pretty much all already infected. (And yes, obviously for this post I'm working under the belief that Carol did kill David and Karen, rather than engaging with the Lizzie theories.) I can better buy into the character who just killed someone in the name of safety a month ago executing sick friends than I can one of the most nurturing members of the original group. Which brings me to Carol's rather rapid, mostly off-screen development. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE badass!Carol—she's one of my favorites in the whole show—but binging the series has really highlighted how quickly this hardened Carol came about. It might have worked better if she'd become colder after loosing Sophie, but she remains the softer, caring group member all the way through season three. We're told that she's made huge strides—she's a "good shot" now whereas before she'd always cower during an attack—but that's not exactly the same thing as becoming someone willing to murder preemptively to keep others safe. I can't even quite reconcile the end of season three Carol with the shady Carol at the start of season four, the one who teaches self-defense behind Rick's back. While it's definitely well-established that she's often used Rick as a convenient target for her frustration and grief, questioning his leadership in the process, they seem to have come to a better understanding by season three. Basically, Carol has changed, undoubtedly, but not this much in this short a time. Merle comments that she's not the same woman anymore, but that's in the context of her being able to put him in his place; she's no longer terrified of the Eds of the world. Roughly a month before the sickness goes down, she's still the same Carol who talks gently to Daryl and reminds him that just because you love someone doesn't mean they're good for you. That's a wildly different Carol from the one giving clandestine knife lessons, telling a little girl she's "weak" for not stabbing her dad, and burning two friends on the off chance that this will keep others safe.

So give all that to the character who has actually been focused on learning to defend himself, is adamant that kids (like him) need to be tough, and has just established that he's willing to kill in the name of future protection. Let Carl go through all that and let Rick grapple with it. Meanwhile, I'd hold off on hardened!Carol for another season or two, rather taking her through that development via Lizzie. She's more confident now, better at defending herself, but still fundamentally the Carol we met back at the quarry when separated from Ed; the one who cheekily admits she misses her vibrator. She's made huge strides, but she's still grieving Sophia—obviously—and now suddenly this man is charging her with loving two girls roughly her daughter's age "like her own." Carol promises, but not with the obviously-of-course-why-wouldn't-I? vibe of the original scene. She doesn't know if she can love them like that, or protect them better than she did Sophia, but how can she deny him his final wish? Let Carol struggle with motherhood again (perhaps paralleling Michonne with Judith), how to navigate it, and juuuuuust as she thinks she's starting to make some headway...

Lizzie kills Mika.

That, alongside killing Lizzie herself, could introduce the Carol we come across at the beginning of season four. She once let Lizzie try to put down her father and when she couldn't do it, Carol comforted her and tried to protect her. Of course she did. Now she puts down Lizzie and realizes that she can't be "weak" anymore. Not if she's going to protect any more little girls. She's going to learn more, train harder, cease hesitating, and god help anything that gets in her way.

[dagdasgodslayer]

ok time for that first deep dive let's goooooo

As was pointed out to me (via a random tumblr post), Nanashi's and Flynn's afterlives are dramatically different. Interestingly, SMT IV & SMT IV: Apocalypse are the only SMT games (as far as I'm aware) where you CAN be brought back from the dead. Nanashi's revival is for plot reasons, whereas Flynn's are just a helpful mechanic.

First (because I'm biased), let's look at Nanashi's:

[NOTE: This is BEFORE accepting Dagda's deal.]

First off, THE AESTHETICS.

Nanashi's afterlife is a strange limbo that follows a single track, reminiscent of a train track. This track carries him down into a literal subway terminal (as emphasized by the location being called "Yomotsu Hirasaka - Terminal"), wherein Nanashi encounters Dagda.

Yomotsu Hirasaka (mythology-wise) is a slope that descends into the underworld. Think of it as a passage INTO the underworld. Nanashi has not passed on, and is one of a few stray souls caught in this beeline to whatever lies beyond; talking to a few of the other spirits here, they express remorse or refer to themselves (and Nanashi) as "lost."

I'd posit that Nanashi is in this limbo because he, too, is reluctant to move on. In all fairness, he lost his life trying to protect his sister, who now has to fend for herself against a horde of demons. It makes sense that Nanashi would keep himself here, rather than continuing onto whatever lies beyond.

More interesting is the fact that Dagda lurks around Yomotsu Hirasaka's terminal; he even calls out to Nanashi specifically. I like to think that Dagda literally just waits there for a soul willing to accept his (terrible) deal, and with Nanashi, he hit the jackpot. What else is Nanashi gonna do, cling onto his morals and leave?? He's in the worst possible bind, caught between being a demon's unwilling puppet and y'know, WANTING HIS SISTER TO LIVE.

Okay, onto Flynn-

Interestingly, Flynn also marches past a vast number of souls to reach his ultimate destination -- the River Styx. Even more intriguing is what Charon, the ferryman, has to say about what awaits on the other side.

Take note of that: reincarnation. Flynn's fate in the afterworld would be pure nothingness while he waits reincarnation, a theme that is prevalent between IV and IV:A. Flynn and Nanashi themselves are reincarnated souls as-is -- Flynn is the man who sacrificed himself to protect Tokyo, whereas Nanashi was a hunter (Akira) who tried to find a middle ground where those in Tokyo and Mikado could co-exist.

Now, considering that Flynn's post-mortem destiny involves another reincarnation, why doesn't Nanashi's? His version of the afterlife seems final, permanent. It's a stopping point just before you reach your conclusion. Flynn is able to come back, but unless Nanashi sides with Dagda, he isn't.

It's just such an interesting discrepancy, moreso because the souls Flynn passes on his way to Charon vastly outnumber those in Yomotsu Hirasaka. From this, it's safe to say (IMO) that Yomotsu Hirasaka is limbo leading to a permanent conclusion, but the River Styx is a hopeful road to another life, nothingness aside. Nanashi would have ceased to exist, but Flynn might have come out on the other side (provided that Charon did his damn job).

TL;DR: Nanashi is not given a chance to live, or even reincarnate, unless he makes a deal with Dagda. Flynn is offered a chance to revive in exchange for money, but if he travels the River Styx, he would be able to reincarnate. Flynn is life, Nanashi is death. It's just so fascinating to think about.

[bubbelpop2]

(stick around, this addition will sound questionable sometimes until the end of it)

I think that this inherently ties in with the fear of men in general. There's no way of knowing if a man is positively or toxically masculine until you really get to know them. And so men are just sort of.. feared by default. And even if you do know someone, men can be scary, period-- even if they don't mean to be. Which is a valid reality worth addressing. Cis men, Masc Trans women, Masc Cis women, and Masc Trans men tend to be.. well, intimidating. And that doesn't give your friends the right to abandon you, but I think it's worth addressing when trying to tackle a problem like this.

(I am a man with a uterus, by the way.)

Masculine people who tend to not be very expressive tend to appear unapproachable, and there's a little bit of a personality change (not by much, but it would be noticable to those closest to you) that comes with being on T. You may be happier. You may be louder. You may be angrier. You may speak less. You may speak more. You may be harder to read in general, by people who are far more used to your old mannerisms. There are a lot of different reasons as to why someone might disconnect with you after transition, and they're best dealt with by being asked about directly. Someone may not know exactly why they don't click with you as much as they used to.

If someone specifically cites your gender as the reason for them being uncomfortable around you, that is... Morally grey. It's not great, and on the bad side of Tumblr (t3rfs) it's used as a primary tool of ostracization-- but from a person who lives in a rural conservative area, with several close relatives who have experienced abuse and SA.. I get it. It may have much more to do with the fact that you're masculine than the fact that you're trans.

It might be some innate thing that you've learned without knowing it, as a means to keep yourself safe, especially if you're queer in a rural area. That's okay. Being afraid of masculinity is valid in such an age where the average cishet man is, let's face it-- not that great, and very capable of hurting you for any reason. It's really a survival tactic to try and sense whether or not someone is safe to be around when you think a stranger is a cis guy.

Even so, it is in no way ever acceptable to ask anyone to try and be more feminine for your comfort.

Your personal phobia of masculinity or men or whatever never gives you the excuse to treat your old friends like shit, and it definitely doesn't excuse telling them to act more feminine. What the fuck is wrong with you. You need to address your own internal issues when it comes to fearing men. Not project those issues onto your friends to try and change them.

Your personal feelings regarding a situation do not have to translate into hurtful words and actions. You are responsible for not being a dick whether you are conditioned to fear men or not. (And you should probably unpack those feelings.)

I'm obviously not saying that you need to trust every masc presenting person you see just because they might be a trans woman or a trans man or queer, but dude. You can't exclude people from queer spaces just for being outwardly masc.

(also if you find some way to twist my words to attack masculine or non passing transfems just break your keyboard. They are wonderful and they are women. If you think they're a man at first glance, a passing fear is only a human response, especially if you've felt personally traumatized by men.

But trans women aren't men. And to let that fear develop into actions that clearly display rejection and disgust and disrespect, even after you learn they're a woman? Gross.

I had a fear of all women (cis and trans) for a long time. I've always felt more comfortable around masc people. But it never stopped me from at least trying to welcome women so i could judge them by their character instead of gender. Why is it okay to be a dick just because you have a fear of men? If you swapped the genders that shit would be demonized.)

Anyways, do not in any way try to misinterpret my language to hurt trans women or cis/trans men. I think men's issues and the issues of people who get clocked as masculine should be cared about way fucking more than they are now. Nobody should like, demonize or ostracize people for being masculine. Men's issues matter. Men's feelings matter. And honestly? Transphobia that affects both trans men and women would be a lot easier to tackle if more people were willing to address how the patriarchy affects and isolates men within an intimidating role. I don't wanna be the "men's rights/not all men" guy but, man. You need to care about men if you want to care about feminism and transphobia. Not all men or outwardly masculine presenting people are gonna kill you on sight.

tried to vent in a trans space about how, as a trans man who’s been on T for a long time (over 7 years now), i have noticed that the more i pass as a man, the less welcomed i am in queer spaces unless i go out of my way to feminize myself. and how that sucks! and it’s isolating!!! and it feels horrible to see ppl who used to like you and be close to you drift further and further the more masculine (& therefore more comfortable in urself) u become…

only to get ppl replying to me and saying “well if you dressed more fem then ppl wouldn’t be intimidated by you. you signed up for this”

i’m sorry but i didnt sign up for social isolation when i transitioned, i signed up for gender euphoria and comfort in myself and my life. and i had hoped that the ppl in my life would be able to see how much joy that brings me and continue to love me.

[eiewts]

I looooove doing this thing where I create something, try something new on for a while, and then when I find it doesn't fit me I erase all evidence of the previous thing there ever was. But suddenly, im beginning to realize that, I am not only these things, I am /all/ of these things. Everything that I like is what it is regardless of who I am or how I appear when I like it. And I can also stop liking something even after liking it for a long time, but I shouldn't do so just because of what other people may think. I try to keep my opinions and likes updated with my morals, if I find out something is bad then I cut it out because that is the right thing to do. But a lot of what is good and bad is simply subjective, and people often draw their own hypocritical lines when separating art from artist in their own likes, so I am just as able to do so within my own world. I have to stop letting people dictate my world, or better yet, stop letting the ideas of other people's perception get in my way. Because truly, that's what my issue is. I'm finding comfort and acceptance from people when I express my opinion, but if I don't express my opinion, I don't get the correct feedback. I get feedback based upon what I think these people want from me, and it's not authentic. I'm so tired of being inauthentic. I just want to be myself, but I have to find who that is once and for all. It's been so long that I've restrained myself, that it's hard to know what's the true self and what's done out of mask or fear or habit. The more I learn about the human mind, especially when growing up neurodivergent and traumatized, the more I consider that I could be multiple versions of the same self. And that these multiple versions come out at specific moments to do specific tasks or be certain personalities with certain people. But I suppose that's another post for another day. The point of this one is to introduce the idea of this space and acknowledge that I tried to do this before, on several occasions, but always ended up backpedaling for one reason or another. And that now, it's truly okay. It's a safe place for me to dump my thoughts onto the Internet forever, found by no one and everyone simultaneously. And as I continue to process my thoughts and my past traumas, I can get closer to finding my true, authentic self, and having that as my presence to those around me. And it's not a matter of "this time I'll get it right", but more of an ongoing and infinite personal exploration into authenticity. I don't need to feel I have to get something right, I need to feel like being alive. I need to feel like my behaviors aren't just a response, or a safety net, and that I'm just truly living in the present, in the now. I feel guilty that my every sentence is scripted and every action preplanned, and I feel guilty for feeling guilty that I do those things based upon survival, and the way I survived past trauma. But there's no better time to learn to undo these things than now. I'm in the best place I've been, i have a stable job and a side gig, I have a place to live, I have food provided, I have classes to look forward to completing to give me a fulfilling and exciting career, Ive got people who love and accept me for who I am no matter what, and they've proven it time and time again. I am free to be me. Completely. Entirely me. Even if that means I am multiple, I am all of me. I am all those parts, the feminine, the masculine, both and neither, I'm an artist, a scientist, I'm smart and dumb, I'm funny and serious, I'm sensitive and aloof, I am all that I am, and all that I've yet to discover. I have to allow myself to be all of these things when I feel I need to be them. No more suppressing, no more restrictions. Just authentically me. And I will learn, in time, to love it all. To love me and all my parts. To love me more than anyone else. So to me and to only me, this is everything I've ever wanted to say.