#(now it would be different if we are talking about those outside of the 4 on the blog)

[elisamaza]

Pizza delivery drivers of Reddit, what are some of the craziest reasons people have ended up on the “no delivery list”?

gameryamen

I worked for a pizza place that was near a very large software company. Deliveries to the neighborhoods or offices where all the tech workers lived was usually pretty awesome because they'd tip rather well. But there was one apartment that started to become a concern for us drivers. The man ordering was always polite, always paid, always tipped $4, and he would have been a perfect customer. He'd order breadsticks and a salad twice a week, and sometimes he'd include a bottle of root beer. Except when he opened his door, you could see an alarming amount of our breadsticks boxes stacked everywhere inside. Not like a few on the counter and a couple by the trash, stacks and stacks of them. Even worse, it was only our boxes in there. He wasn't just ordering from us often, we were the only place he was getting food outside of work. Now, I've worked in some of those tech offices myself, I know that there's enough decent food options just hanging out in the break rooms that this guy was probably not malnourished, but the way his living space was a shrine of greasy cardboard was a clear sign that this guy didn't have a healthy relationship with our food. Our manager was a really cool dude though, and he heard the drivers joking about the boxes and asked a couple of us "Is this like a messy guy or a guy who needs help?" We agreed it was probably the latter. So on his day off, the manager went to the guys apartment with an envelope that had gift cards for several other restaurants that delivered in that area and chatted with him. Manager found out that the guy was an immigrant on a Visa who was struggling to find American food he liked, and too socially awkward to ask anyone. So he talked with him through a few menus and helped him with some recommendations. Then he helped the guy load all the old boxes into his truck to take to the dump, in exchange for a promise not to order from us more than once a week. For a little while, the manager had a note on the calendar showing the last time the guy had ordered, and a couple times he had to hold his ground and refuse the guy's order. But after that chat, I never saw the stacks of boxes again, and the guy would boast about the different meals he'd had.

what the fuck dude, this is so sweet.

[ashenwinds]

Anonymous sailor sent a message in a bottle. . .

(For all/any of the Skellies) What are their relationships like with each other? Do they like/dislike each other or are they kinda neutral? If they like each other, what makes them like each other? Or, if they dislike each other, what makes them dislike each other?

     ↪   unprompted questions about the skellies

When it comes to the skellies on the blog ( Chi, Flameheart, Ruth, & Duchess ) they all get along pretty well with each other. Varying levels depending on who is being talked about tho Of course, Ruth and Chi are extremely close with each other considering the countless days they have spent on a ship with each other, going through the curse at the same time. They are equally close with Grimm and Horatio -- inseparable, and they are often around each other since sharing the curse caused them to be stronger when around each other. Often found in the same room together or bouncing ideas off to assist each other in their skills. Or down in Flameheart // Reaper aligned taverns drinking. Joking around or bantering with each other even in the middle of serious fights. Flameheart and Duchess used to be very close during the time of the Burning Blade's crew. In the present time of the Sea of Thieves, they are not nearly as close. There is a bit of resentment towards Flameheart from Duchess, but it's not very deep. Something did happen between the two of them that caused the rift. Flameheart does care for Duchess, he just keeps his distance, especially after Duke's betrayal. Flameheart and Chi are pretty close but nowhere near as close as Chi is with their fellow Ashen Lords. Chi is fiercely loyal to him, the most passionate out of the four when it comes to that. Flameheart does sometimes get concerns about Chi considering how ambitious they are -- which is not a concern about their ability to succeed but the wonder if they would not stop. Although, if there is a party going on, you can bet these two are going hard on the spicy grog // rum. Ruth and Flameheart are the same level of close. Ruth is a lot more calm with her loyalty to him, but she will still burn all who say something ill about her master. Another who will join in on a drinking contest with Flameheart and will try her damned best to win. He does respect Ruth not only for her craft but also just how fiercely she protects her creations. Enough trust in her as well to consult with her on his plans from time to time. Chi with Duchess is more of a distant friendship -- Duchess having been on the Fortresses mainly when they joined and only having a long-time visit after Chi became and Ashen Lord. The two often get into conversations about philosophy but it doesn't happen often since they are rarely in the same room with each other. Duchess and Ruth are a bit closer, but still not extremely close. Duchess did teach Ruth a few things about how life is with a bunch of male pirates and how to get them to shut their mouths. Often with her visits, Ruth and Duchess will partner up and work on ways to enhance the alchemy with dark magic. They enjoy each others' company although it becomes far less especially after the death and eventual resurrection of the Lords.

[leaawrites]

Hi can please request something with Charles Leclerc x reader based on Juno by Sabrina Carpenter

Juno (CL16)

Charles Leclerc x fem!reader

Summary: when you see your boyfriend interact with kids, the baby fever kicks in.

Warnings: talks of pergnancy, fluff,

Wourdcount: 0.6k

Masterlist, Short n'Sweet Series

She couldn’t look away from him. And although it happened often, now it felt different. It felt more significant. The deep care inside her flooding her veins and daydreams taking over reality.

What if this was their child?

She had seen Charles with kids before. It always amazed her how gentle he was and how much of a natural. How he wouldn’t get frustrated with their crying and sometimes be the only person who could calm them down.

But now, since they had a talk about it, where Charles confessed that he had thought about it before and that - when it happened - he wouldn’t be one to say no. In fact, Y/n was the one who stopped it from happening that night. Saying, that she was still enjoying her tile with him alone and that she didn’t want anything to change in their little world. But maybe it wouldn’t be bad to expand it a bit further.

They were walking through the paddock, when all of a sudden, a smile child was stood in front of Charles, bright eyes and a huge smile on his face. He was holding a Ferrari cap that was double his head size and a pen. Straightening his arms and wiggling his fingers to make his wish be known. Charles crouched down, holding her hand until the last second, before taking the cap and the pen and smilingly interact with the little boy.

She didn’t know what he said, she didn’t pay attention. All that she knew was, that they had to have that talk again.

Charles closed the door to his driver room as soon as they were in it. Pulling her close to his chest and kissing her like he’d never done it before. Like this was the first time he tasted her. Y/n started giggling at the feeling of his excitement to be alone. She lost his lips but held him close, her arms around his neck and his on her hips.

“You look beautiful today,” Charles whispered, loving to see the blush that crept up on her cheeks whenever he spoke in that low voice.

“Thank you,” Y/n said back, smiling. “I wanted to talk to you, actually.”

When those words left her lips, Charles looked at her perplexed. He hadn’t done anything wrong right? He hoped to know everything that made his girlfriend uncomfortable after 4 years of dating, especially if it was his doing.

“What is it?” His voice went back to normal.

“You remember that talk we had a few weeks ago, right? The one about our future?” She asked, making him nod in confusion. She didn’t want to break it all off, right? “And you remember how I told you that I wasn’t ready to have a baby, right?”

Charles once again nodded. Not catching up to what she was indicating. “What about it?”

“I couldn’t help but reconsider when I saw you interact with that little boy outside,” she confessed, looking down and biting her lip in a nervous manner.

He could feel her hands tighten behind his neck, her fingers nervously fumbling.

“You wanna have a child with me?” He asked. His finger hooking under her chin to make her look up. His voice was soft, the same as his eyes, some eagerness laying behind both.

“I say, that if it happens, I’m not gonna be mad about it,” she declared. Knowing he would’ve started trying right than and there if she gave him permission to.

“Tonight,” he said, kissing her once more. “A little you would look so cute, you know.”

“A little us sounds better,” she hummed.

[illnessfaker]

tw: black+trans death

from the_yvesdropper on instagram:

our beautiful black trans brother, 35 year old Righteous Torrence "Chevy" Hill, was murdered in Atlanta, GA this weekend.

he went by his nickname 'Chevy' he was originally from Macon, GA. he owned Evollusion, which is a black/ queer owned LGBTQ+ salon in Atlanta that provided and dedicated full service to specializing in hair, nails, barbering and makeup. growing up as young black queer boys/kids, the barbershop experience can sometimes be a tricky space to occupy, this was something that Chevy understood and wanted to cultivate a space of safety where you can also get the affirming look and style you want, and he did exactly that.

Chevy was a beloved son, brother, partner, and father.

one of his last posts that had a photo of himself said :

"if you truly know me, you know i am a humble, modest, private man, that i love my community, i have the love of God in me and will give the shirt off my back to any soul in need, also i never post pictures of myself, legaey give myself credit, that stops today, i am my legacy!"

(a close friend of Chevy asked if i could share more then one photo of Chevy, since he never posted photos of himself and in recent years he got the confidence to want to share more photos and now he won't get the chance to)

Chevy, hey king, hey brother, hey angel, thank you for everything, i lové you, we lové you, i'm so sorry. there are a lot of photographers in heaven who will be able to photograph you as the glorious black trans angel that you are.

there will be a homegoing service/memorial for our brother

there aren't many details about what happened but apparently he was shot by a family member last wednesday, the 28th (at least this article was the one linked in relation to his murder.)

judging by both the IG post and the comments section he was well-loved by many people and those people have many good memories with him and nothing but good things to say. this is a comment that was left by tirajmeansgolden which was hidden by IG for some reason:

I started testosterone in February 2020. I hit this man up at the end of 2019 after numerous Google searches for an LGBT-friendly barber near me (and by near me... he was a good 35-40 minutes from the rural area I was in outside of Atlanta: but when I found out he was a trans man and that his business was the first and only LGBT hair bar, I knew it would be worth the trip). I was a dysphoric mess in his DMs one Sunday. I hated how my hair was growing out. I never had a "masculine" hairstyle before but decided one day I would buzz it all off myself, then allowed it to grow out a bit... I sent him a video and despite him being closed on Sunday, he told me to come through. I got my hair braided and he gave me my first really masculine fade. Explained the different terms. Lined me up. Was asking me about my decision to transition and provided some helpful advice + guidance. I told him how I was a therapist and he was hype and said he talked with a group of trans men and he would love for me to stop by and also give some mental health tips. So whoever said he was humble - wow, what an understatement. Such a community man! Made me feel SO comfortable because barbershops were a source of major trauma and triggers for me. They were such an integral part of my early transition (I just celebrated 4 years later week). And he was such an integral part of the Atlanta Queer community with hosting events like Queer Con. How I found so many other great resources + queer businesses/artists. May you rest in peace, Chevy. You'll be missed. You've made such a different in the lives of countless people. You definitely were living your Purpose + left a legacy behind ...

[bedoballoons]

I read both mitsuri!reader head cannons (love them)!!! I was wondering if I could request if they met the readers EX who called her all those names and made her insecure.

Thank youuu!!! Also I have been thinking about that and oh my gosh I'm so glad you requested it!!

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃

{༻~Insecurities~༺}

CW: Angsty with comfort!, F! reader gets called names, character helps, established relationships, cursing, and some mentions of weight shaming/eating disorders! (Pet names: Lyney: Mon amour!)

Also I only wrote 4 characters with this one because it was soooo longggg!!

(Includes: Diluc, Lyney, Albedo, and Wanderer!)

Past Demon slayer/Genshin fics:

Mitsuri reader pt 1

Mitsuri reader pt 2

Mitsuri like reader X Lyney

Tokito Muichiro reader

Shinobo Kocho reader

Shinobo Kocho reader

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𑁍༄Diluc:

You smiled happily, pink green strands of hair flowing in the wind as you lounged on the blanket Diluc had laid down, the subtle scent of the apples he was cutting for your picnic sweet and tantalising, but sadly enough to make your stomach gurgle uneasily. You wouldn't say it out loud...especially not in front of him, but even despite both of your best efforts you were still finding it difficult to actually consume food. It had become a torture to eat...even when you were hungry or it was your favourite dish...those words just kept coming back.

"Oh my archons...look who it is. Didn't think I would be seeing you outside the gates of Mondstat, especially with the owner of the infamous wine industry."

Your whole body went cold, eyes shooting to the direction of the familiar voice...the voice that had said the words that changed you, that made you see your own body as a mistake. "I-i...ahem, he's my boyfriend." You silently cursed yourself for having such a shaky tone, if Diluc hadn't figured it out just by your reaction...he definitely had when you started to speak.

He stood up with crimson eyes that had gone dark, a menacing look decorating his features as he stared the other man down, "Don't believe we've met, who are you?" You glanced between the two of them, feeling like your presence was steadily growing smaller as they stared eachother down...the situation was making you feel sick to your stomach.

"I'm her ex boyfriend. Honestly I can't believe she caught the owner of the winery, are you some type of chubby chaser?"

That name...it hit you like a ton of bricks, any thoughts of recovery slipping away as tears filled your eyes, but you weren't alone this time. You jumped as Diluc grabbed your ex by his shirt, pulling him close so his fist would be inches away, "If you ever, call her that again...I will find a way to make you disappear, do you understand me? She's perfect the way she is and I love her more than anything else, besides your opinions don't matter...there's only two people who should see her for how goregous she is. Me and her."

𑁍༄Lyney:

Lyney swung your intertwined hands gently, humming a soft melody while the two of you walked through fontaine. It had become a routine now, taking a walk together after his show and sharing a meal, it was one of the few times you enjoyed eating...mostly because you weren't actually focused on the food. Your attention was drawn to Lyney, the way he always seemed to be glowing with love and excitement after a show, the way he talked with adoration and he never once failed to mention how you'd inspired one of his tricks, it was so calm...that just for a moment you forgot everything else.

"Oh mon amour! Look a new shop has opened up, how about we eat there?" You tiled your head to see past him and sure enough there was a new shop, bustling with customers. "Oh Lyney...it's so crowded though." He chuckled, pulling you into a warm embrace, his eyes meeting yours as he placed a kiss on your lips lovingly, "I won't force you, but...we could just get something to eat and then find a nice quiet spot, it would be different...in a good way."

A light blush dusted your cheeks as you let him lead you to the crowd, silently agreeing to his adventurous ideas like you always seemed to.

"No way...is that you?! You haven't changed one bit have you?"

You stopped dead in your tracks, emotions all but gone at the sound of that voice...the one that haunted your nightmares and used to make you feel so small...treat you like you were nothing but a number on a scale. He seemed to be waiting for your response, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything...you were frozen in place, heart racing.

"Mon amour who's this?" You glanced at Lyney, wondering if he could tell you were uncomfortable, but he didn't appear to have any difference in attitude...had he really not noticed?

"I'm the one who was trying to keep her out of these foodlines so she wouldn't get any fatter, looking out for her health like a good boyfriend should do...guess you can't say the same."

For a split second you thought Lyney was going to strike him, instead he chuckled and lowered his voice to almost a whisper, a terrifying tone seeping into his words as he spoke, "You should really stop talking....I happen to be apart of the fatui and truthfully, if you utter one more word about my perfect girl, you won't be able to say anything at all by the time we are done with you."

𑁍༄Albedo:

Klee held onto your hand tightly, pulling you through the crowded streets with Albedo trailing not far behind. The air was filled with the delicious smells of baked goods and fresh made dishes, and the streets were decorated with stalls that held bottles of wine, toys, banners, anything you could imagine. It was a festival like no other and you couldn't believe you got to be apart of it.

"Come on come on!! We are almost to the stage! Dodoco wants to see it all decorated!!" You giggled happily, following the little girl as she lead you up to the big stage in the center of all of the magic. It really was a sight to see, ribbon and cecilia's hung up with fairy lights, a sweet bard strumming away on his lyre while he sang of a hero from another land and to top it all of, there were dancers not far away, each of them moving to the melody with their partners.

"Wow...this is incredible." You stood in awe for a second as Albedo lifted Klee onto his shoulders, her hands holding dodoco in the air so it could watch along with her. It was a picture perfect moment,...one you wanted to remember forever...until it was ruined. Your eyes landed on met that of a person walking towards you...a familiar face you had thought you'd left in the past.

You crossed your arms over yourself protectively, hoping he wouldn't say a word to you, but of course that would only be to easy, "Heyy look who it is...see you got yourself a new partner to shove food in your mouth. He's clearly feeding you right isn't he?"

Your breath caught in your throat, your clothes suddenly feeling tighter and your previous small meal you'd barely managed to take a few bites of rumbling in your tummy.

"Im sorry what was that? Clearly you must be blind, she's truthfully a work of art and without a doubt the most stunning woman I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. Perhaps you should go get another plate of food, actually make it two since you look like you could probably eat both, and stop bothering everyone with that tragic excuse of a voice you have."

"A-a-albedo?!"

𑁍༄Wanderer:

Wanderer huffed quietly as you pushed away your plate of food, less then half of it missing and yet you were already feeling queasy? It bugged him to no end,...no matter how many times he said you were perfect and argued with you that your weight was never a issue...you still thought it was. He begged you, something he never thought he never thought he'd do, to try and see yourself from his perspective, but it didn't work.

"You want some of mine? Maybe you'd like it more if it was different? Hey? What's up with you?" Wanderer waved his hand in front of your face, surprised to see fear in your eyes and goosebumps forming on your skin, you didn't even look like you were breathing you were so deathly still. It actually freaked him out a little, could humans just die like that?

"Hey stop that, you're making me all worried. What are you looking at?" He tapped your hand, but with no response he turned to follow your line of sight...it was just some guy? That's what had you all scared?, "Who is he? Did he beat you up? I won't let him hurt you if that's what you're afraid of." You shrunk into your chair, footsteps drawing closer as the some guy made his way to your table...

"If it isn't my ex girlfriend. I really didn't think I'd be seeing you at a restaurant...actually I did completely, I'm more shocked you don't have three plates finished yet. Piggy. Even got the pink green hair to prove it...and who's this clown, his hats bigger than he is."

You covered your face in embarrassment, trying to hide away from the situation...not let either men know how much it bothered you, but Wanderer was to clever for that and he took no shame in starting something...

"How about I take my big hat and shove it so far up your ass you see actual pigs fly. Maybe then you'd know the difference between when you should keep your mouth shut and when you should open it. Oh and moron, she's clearly not a pig cause she looks nothing like you."

He stood up with a grunt, pushing the guy so harshly he was sent backwards falling to the ground with a satisfying thud while your boyfriend grabbed your hand and lead you away, telling you more than once how beautiful you looked as you made your way home.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

◥(•̀￦•́)◤☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 ☾𖤓~Have a nice day~*⁠.⁠✧

[kanmom51]

Jikook and their ramen talk

Are you sure? Episode 4

We finally got to it. The poolside ramen talk.

Talk about Jikook and their underlying innuendos.

Where do we start?

With the Ramen?

With the shower talk?

With PPEURIRI?

Let's start with this first, I guess.

Something that by now we should be all very well aware of.

And it's not like it's not a running joke with Jikook already, right?

You know, just listening to the conversation, reading the translation, it can most definitley go under the radar as an innocent convo about deciding if to eat some ramen or not after their lovely playful pool time fun time.

But nope.

It most certainly ain't just that.

All you need is to:

a. Look at their faces and body language. This was not just about food. Well, not FOOD food.

b. The little additives that somehow go untranslated. The fact that each one of them finds the way to weave it into their conversation at the most interesting times of said convo. I will get to it, believe me I will.

So, basically they got out of the pool and JM was hungry.

I'm going to go with hungry and HUNGRY. And I'm not going to be swayed!!!

Sorry, not sorry. No conversation about being hungry and wanting to eat carbs is that funny.

But, a conversation about ramen laced with plenty of sexual inuendo most definitely is!!!

And that is what was going on there.

Talking about ramen and being hungry and being able to eat it all, all while at the same time there is a whole underlined conversation going on, with lots of eye contact and giggles and hints as loud as can be.

Like this here:

🐥what? you don't have to eat. i can eat it all

🐰ppeuriri~

Both giggling away.

I think a little reminder is necessary here as to what ppeuriri is all about, right?

Not really, but I'll give it anyway.

Ppeuriri = JM's 3D...

Body to body to body to body to body You and me, baby, you know that we got it So don't go gettin' me started 'Cause you know I get hot-hearted Baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, you makin' me crazy Rain, rain, rain, you can't fake it You give me brand-new emotion You got me drinkin' that potion I just wanna see you like that See you like that, uh-uh So if you're ready (so if you're ready) And if you'll let me (and if you'll let me) I wanna see it in motion, in 3D (hey, show me, girl, now, uh-uh) You won't regret me (you won't regret me) Champagne confetti (champagne confetti, hey) I wanna see it in motion, in 3D (come on, come on, come on)

Like I said, no way those two had entirely pure intentions while having that whole ramen conversation.

That was JK bringing up ppeuriri, both going all giggly. But that wasn't the end of that, now was it?

If, for some reason you would think that it was just nothing, an instinctual slip of the tongue, out of no where, with no meaning behind it...

There goes JM and does it again.

🐰We might feel differently after a shower.

🐰This might be because we just swam.

🐥ppeuriri~

This time no giggles, just a smile and then a sultry expression walking towards JK.

Cut.

Talk about showering with them off camera.

And lots of shady stuff going on to make us think that maybe, just maybe, those two kind of showered together.

Idk, am I being clear enough?

So, let's talk about that shower for a second.

We see JK going into the bathroom, JM nowhere to be seen.

Obviously he's not showering upstairs with Tae asleep there and both of their suitcases spread out open in front of the downstairs bathroom.

Next we see JM outside of the bathroom brushing his hair dressed after the shower and JK is in the bathroom partially dressed after that shower.

JM walking in behind JK, and yes, it looks like he's lifting his arms to fix his hair, but that cut there again.... I am choosing to believe that he also went in for a hug there. Hill meet Kanmom.

Oh, and hunger issue solved at this point.

Ppeuriri.

All jokes aside (or perhaps not so much a joke...), I just want to remind you one more time that 3D was released on 29 September 2023, all while this is being filmed 26 September 2023!!

[somevagrantchild]

Missing Loustat scene discovered in Anne Rice's diaries

I HAVE SOMETHING AMAZING TO SHARE WITH YOU!!

As I was reading Anne Rice's diaries in the special collection library at Tulane University while I was in New Orleans for the Vampire Ball, I discovered this intensely sexy scene she wrote between Louis and Lestat that never made it into her books. This is Anne Rice's original writing, never before shared anywhere online.

Anne Rice wrote this scene by hand in her diary dated November 6, 2015 (which she mentions is the day before Stan's birthday. He would have been 73😭). I have deduced that it is her very first (and very rough) draft of the scene that eventually became chapter 4 in Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis, aka the scene where Louis agrees to move into the chateau and be Lestat's partner/companion again. The final version of the scene in the book reads like wedding vows, serving as the beginning of their marriage in the modern era. As you'll see, the first draft was rather different. 

In Prince Lestat, Louis and Lestat's interactions are extremely brief, and they aren't able to talk beyond one stolen moment to reassure each other of their love. It would seem that in the six months between the end of Prince Lestat (when Louis thinks to himself that he will be with Lestat very soon), and the beginning of Atlantis (when that finally ends up happening), Louis and Lestat do not have any intimate conversation. They may have talked somewhat, but only briefly about superficial matters, or they may have not even spoken to each other once over those six months until Lestat asks Louis to meet him in New Orleans for chapter 4.

In an earlier diary entry, I found a note where Anne said she wanted their first reunion conversation to begin by finally addressing Louis dumping Lestat's body in the swamp after Claudia tried to kill him—something they have never once discussed. So when I came across this scene in a later diary, I could tell it was a direct follow-through on that idea. 

The scene begins with Lestat speaking to Louis, and it seems they are outside on the streets of New Orleans, but someplace private where they aren't being observed by mortals. This is different from the final book version with them sitting at a sticky table at the Café Du Monde (though it is similar to how Lestat tells us they walked around the city streets together for hours after the reunion scene was over). 

Anne headed this part of the diary entry with: Early on: L+L quarrel—

“I can forgive her for what she did. She was never a human being. She went from being an infant to a monster. But you—you stood there and watched. You carried my body into the swamps and dumped me there as if I were trash—you were the one I hated! How could you do that to me? Decades we’d been together!”

He stared at me for the longest time—not defensive, not angry.

“I could do it because I was afraid,” he said. “I didn’t know how I was going to live without you.”

“I don’t believe you. You were fine without me. You were preparing to sail to Europe. You were making plans.”

A torrent of words.

“Stop!” he said. “I’m here now. I love you! I thought you wanted me here! I thought you’d forgiven me. I thought we had a second chance, now, you and I. And miles to travel together!”

I nodded.

“A second chance!”

I nodded.

Then I took hold of him as if I was going to kill him. I threw him up against the wall and bit into his neck for the first time in two hundred years—the first time since the first time—and when the blood gushed into my mouth, I saw again—for the first time in two hundred years—his soul, his heart.

I was lost in his mind, his thoughts, his dreams, flashes…

I drew back—I’d drunk too much. He was being held there by me, his head bowed. I slapped him hard and when he opened his eyes, I pushed his open mouth against my neck. I forced his fangs into me.

And we were together, wrapped in one another’s arms…

Finally I pushed him back.

He was sitting on the paving stones, hair in his face, back to the wall. I took his hand and helped him up.

“Kiss me,” I said. “No, really kiss me.”

Finally I let him go.

“I can’t live without you! “ he said. “I swear, you wander off on me again, I…”

“I won’t. I won’t ever.”

We walked along in silence.

“He loves you too,” he said.

“Who?”

“The silent one, the one who’s never spoken to me, the one inside you.”

It was time. I could have lingered a half hour more in the old times, but the time was now.

The End 

------------------------------------

Above is the clean version, which I have corrected for missing punctuation, missing letters/words, and necessary dialogue tags.

Below is the original rough version as I have transcribed exactly from Anne Rice's handwritten diary.

------------------------------------

“I can forgive her for what she did. She was never a human being. She went from being an infant to a monster. But you—you stood there & watched. You carried my body in the swamps & dumped me there as if I were trash—you were the one I hated! How could you do that to me? Decades we’d been together!

He stared at me for the longest time—not defensive, not angry.

I could do it because I was afraid, he said. “I didn’t know how I was going to live without you.”

“I don’t believe. You were fine without me. You were preparing to sail to Europe. You were making plans.”

—A torrent of words.

“Stop! I’m here now. I love you! I thought you ’d wanted me here! I thought you’d forgive me. I thought we had a second chance, now, you & I. And miles to travel together!”

I nodded—

“A second chance!”

I nodded—

Then I took hold of him as if I was going to kill him. I threw him up against the wall & bit into his neck for the first time in 200 years—the first time since the first time—and when the blood gushed into my mouth I saw again—for the first time in 200 years—his soul, his heart—

I was lost in his mind, his thoughts, his dreams, flashes — (more)

I drew back—I’d drunk too much He was being held there by me, his head bowed. I slapped him hard & when he opened his eyes I pushed his open mouth against my neck. I forced his fangs into me.

And we were together, wrapped in one another arms — (more)

Finally I pushed him back.

He was sitting on the paving stones, hair in his face, back to the wall. I took his hand & helped him up.

Kiss me. No really kiss me.

Finally I let him go.

I can’t live without you! I swear, you wander off on me again, I … I ”

“I won’t. I won’t ever.”

We walked along in silence —

He loves you too

Who

The silent one, the one who’s never spoken to me, the one inside you.

It was time. I could have linger a half hour more in the old times, but was now —

The End 

------------------------------------

The spots where she wrote (more) are clearly areas where she intended to expound upon all Lestat was seeing and feeling in Louis's mind, soul, and blood, and then what he felt and saw as Louis was drinking from him. How I wish we could know what she would have written there! Also the lines that start or end with a — make me wonder if she intended to add more to those bits as well. Would she have actually written out Lestat's torrent of words?

Lestat's line "Kiss me. No really kiss me." isn't in quotation marks in Anne's diary. I chose to add them, because there were many other obviously spoken-aloud dialogue lines also without quotes. But it is possible that Lestat only thinks these words as he and Louis are kissing each other. It reminds me of in Queen of the Damned, when Daniel thinks, "I like kissing. And suggling with dead things, yes, hold me." The narration doesn't tell us Armand actually starts holding him, but Anne's style of using internal monologue makes it clear that's what happens in the action. So the "Kiss me." could be similar in this instance as well. And in that case it might mean Louis is the one who initiates the kiss, and this is Lestat’s internal “yes, yes!!” reaction to it. But I do suspect he is actually meant to be saying it aloud.

With the em dash at the end of it, the very last line could have been meant to continue: "but was now ______" was now...something. But considering she wrote "The End" after it, it seems like it was meant to be a final statement, so that is why I added the missing words I chose in my edited clean version.

Although this conversation is very different from the one we get in the final version of Atlantis, I do still see elements of it in the book's scene:

Louis's line "I can’t live without you! I swear, you wander off on me again, I …" became "so I'll come. And when you tire of me and want me gone, I'll hate you of course."

They still kiss, really kiss. In the book, it is moved to before their conversation, when Lestat first sees Louis in their Rue Royal flat, wearing the new clothes he ordered for him and Louis says, "This is what you wanted, isn't it?" and Lestat is so shocked, he's unable to respond.

They do still discuss Amel in the book version, in much more depth than he is mentioned here. Louis having never heard Amel's voice in his own head remains consistent. 

They do still go walking around the streets of the Garden District, though it happens after the conversation, not during it. Lestat does say they talked for hours during that walk, but about Amel and what's been happening to Lestat as Prince. Not about themselves or their past. 

MY THOUGHTS!

The confirmation here that Lestat never tasted Louis's blood before their new marriage begins in Atlantis is one of the most amazing parts to me, when combined with the offhand way that Lestat mentions what Louis's vampire blood tastes like in Blood Communion. Even though the final version of Atlantis never shows us Lestat drinking Louis's blood (either forcefully like this scene, or consensually in other ways), the mention in Blood Communion does confirm that it DOES happen off the page at some point during the years between Atlantis chapter 4 and the beginning of Blood Communion. 

We know that Louis drank much of Lestat's blood at the end of Merrick, and this was his first time doing it because we were told in previous books how much he resisted his powers being increased by drinking ANY other vampire's blood. It is nice to have it confirmed that Lestat never bit Louis or drank any of his blood in return either before or after Merrick. But now, after Lestat becomes Prince, this is now a new element to their relationship. It makes me consider more strongly that Anne perhaps meant to imply that they then for the first time began to engage in blood sharing the same romantic way Lestat did with Akasha in Queen of the Damned, and then in the even more explicit way she shows us with Rhoshamandes and Benedict in Prince Lestat. 

I don't take all Anne wrote in her diaries as canon. It is clear that much of what she wrote there were spitball ideas that she later chose to absolutely reject (as opposed to deciding they were true but she just didn't mention them in the books). But I do not see anything in this scene that the final versions of the books contradict. So even though this scene didn't actually happen in canon, we can believe that the feelings and emotions that drive this scene are still canon. And I love that for us 🥰

I have cross-posted this on ao3 to give us a good place to talk back and forth to each other about it in the comments section there. Reblog and reply to this post as much as you like, but if you want to have some conversations and share your own thoughts on what she wrote, ao3 will give us a much more organized place to do it, where other people will be able to easily find and read your meta as well.

[syoish-aot]

"I Found You" - EREN/READER - REVERSE ISEKAI (part 4)

reverse isekai, time travel, memory loss

post canon (in a weird roundabout way)

reader/eren

word count: 1411

** note: I edited and moved around some stuff in part 2 and part 3 (that's just how it is when I'm posting rough drafts) so it might be worth going back to reread those parts. The important changes are: they're actually at the soft open of Niccolo's restaurant, Mikasa isn't there yet (because she's flying in from out of town), and I took out the Sasha/Mikasa engagement because I have another idea that works better for later. **

<- PART 3 | PART 5 ->

*****

“The fuck do you mean ‘awake’?” Eren asked after Armin and Jean had immediately pulled him into the bathroom, since it was the only place they’d have some semblance of privacy.

“Eren it’s- um…” Armin stuttered as he began to fiddle with his hands before he turned to Jean. “Y-You should-”

“Already did it.” Jean quickly said as he slid his phone into his back pocket.

Eren scowled. “Did wha-” 

Suddenly the door burst open. “I JUST GOT JEAN’S TEXT IS EREN REALLY-” Connie cut himself off as he stood in the doorway- eyes wide, face flushed, staring right at Eren. “...holy shit…” He mumbled.

Eren continued to scowl, still extremely confused.

“Move! Move! Move!!” Sasha pushed past him, causing Connie to stumble out of the way and fully into the bathroom. “I knew it would happen soon! I fucking knew it!! I have a sense for these sorts of things you know. It was the same thing when Jean woke up. I had been craving baked potatoes for weeks and then-”

“Sasha, calm down.” Armin cut her off. “We don’t want to overwhelm him, alright?”

“Overwhelm me with what!?” Eren exclaimed. “Seriously what the hell is-”

“What’s the last thing you remember, Eren?” Armin asked as he placed his hands on Eren’s shoulders and forced the other man to look at him.

Eren’s stomach sank as the memories flooded his vision. Smoke. The stomping of footsteps. Streaming from the people below him. A blade drawn lightning quick.

Falling.

And then nothing.

“I-...” Eren’s head fell as his hands trembled at his sides. “I remember- I remember everything.” His voice hitched. “Everything I did. Everything I forced all of you to do because of it- all those people I killed and-”

“Eren.”

Suddenly Armin’s arms were wrapped around him, pulling him tightly into a hug just like the hug he’d given him the last time they’d seen each other but also-

…also nothing like that at all.

“It’s alright now.” Armin told him softly. “None of that matters anymore.”

Eren scoffed. “How can it not matter?”

“Because none of that happened here.” Armin told him. “We don’t-... we don’t really get it either but for some reason after we all lived our lives back then, we came here.”

“But…” Eren practically whispered. “...where is here?”

“Here is where everyone is alive. Where we’re all together and we don’t have to worry about death or fighting or titans or anything like that. Here we can just-...” Armin pulled away from his friend and smiled at him, eyes glistening with tears. He looked so relieved as he finished his words: “... here is where everyone can live, Eren.”

“Everyone?” Eren asked.

“Yeah.” Armin told him. “Everyone.”

Eren’s eyes moved from Armin to Jean, Sasha, and Connie. Outside of the room there were more people too, more people he knew from his past life that had somehow ended up here. Everyone in the restaurant was someone he’d crossed at some point in his past; someone who, apparently, had memories of that past but understood it was different from where they were now.

Everyone except for one of them.

Except the person Eren didn’t know from his past, and for some reason had only met in the future.

He’d watched you get ready that morning. Smiling and joking around as you filled him in on the most random gossip of the friend group. A group of people that you were apparently a part of. The way you talked about everyone indicated that you knew them well, maybe even as well as he did.

Eren’s eyebrows tightened together in frustration as he thought of you. He had to know: “Then who’s-”

The bathroom door suddenly burst open.

“There you guys are!” You exclaimed. “Not to ruin your secret bathroom meeting or anything, but Niccolo wants to make a toast.”

Everyone’s eyes were locked on you, each one of them resembling a deer in headlights. You can’t help laughing at their expressions. “What?” You asked.

Armin took a quick breath.

Jean swallowed a lump in his throat.

Sasha coughed.

Eren tried to avoid your eyes, feeling unsettled by the idea of meeting your gaze. The way everyone else was acting indicated that you didn’t know anything about this. About them. About how, apparently, all of them had wound up here in some sort of second chance at life. 

They couldn’t raise suspicion.

So Connie bravely broke the silence: “It’s um- It’s Jean,” he stuttered. “He’s-... he’s constipated!”

Yeah.

Yeah that wasn’t suspicious at all.

***

“So… um, I guess that’s all I have to say.” Nicolo concluded his toast with an awkward laugh. “Thank you all for your support, even when that support-” he turned to Sasha, who was tucked under his arm and smiling up at her fiance as he addressed the room, “-sometimes means eating all of my imported truffles.”

“I told you that was an accident!” Sasha defended, playfully smacking him on the chest.

Niccolo laughed and kissed her forehead before everyone raised their glasses in a toast.

You grinned as your arm fell and you took a sip of your champagne. Your nose scrunched at the bitter taste. Wine had never been your thing.

You turned to Eren, who was standing next to you staring into his own glass. 

“Don’t tell me you’re already considering cutting yourself off.” You teased. “Last night you were raving about how you were going to drink Jean under the table again.”

“Yeah..” Eren mumbled. “I um… yeah.”

Your smile fell as you watched him. He looked so trapped in thought. Thoughts he would normally share with you, but right now you knew there was no way he’d do that. You’d spent all morning trying to get into his head and having him push you out.

Eren was right next to you.

But… he’d never felt so far away. 

“I don’t know what happened.” Eren told you, when you were nineteen and he disappeared for an entire night.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

Eren shrugged as he poured himself a glass of water and leaned against the kitchen counter. “I wanted to go for a walk, so I did and then- I dunno. Must have hit my head or something because I woke up back in bed.”

“Eren, you’re acting really casually about this. Maybe we should call your dad…”

You watched Eren’s body tense, just like it always did at the mention of Grisha Jaeger. 

Eren stared into his glass of water, getting lost in his own reflection. For a moment you didn’t recognize him. For a moment he was a stranger.

You didn’t know what else to say, so you said nothing.

Thankfully, after that he bounced back. After that he was Eren. Just Eren.

Until right now, almost six years later, he wasn’t “Just Eren” at all.

He was someone else. The same “someone” that had gotten lost in the woods all those years ago.

Your hand slowly moved from your side and your fingers brushed softly against his. Eren jumped, as if your touch was something intimidating as opposed to comforting.

You began to pull away from him, worried that you’d make things even worse if you continued to push.

But, just as your fingers parted from his, his hand quickly reached out to take yours.

“Don’t.” He told you softly, still staring into his untouched glass of champagne. “I-...”

Eren’s heart clenched as your hand curled against his, returning his hold and sending a wave of warmth up his entire arm. He still didn’t know who you were but he knew this. He knew you hand in his and the way it made his heart soar. 

“It’s okay, Eren.” You said softly as you gave his hand a soft squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere.”

For some reason, those words made everything seem okay.

***

Mikasa pulled herself into the taxi with a short sigh. Her flight hadn’t been long, but flying had always made her uncomfortable. Thankfully it was over, and soon she’d be celebrating with her friends.

A small smile tugged at her lips at the thought of seeing everyone again. She stared out the window, watching  the city pass by in a blur.

Her phone buzzed and she looked down to see a group chat notification.

Expecting it to be Sasha, likely asking how much longer she was going to take to get there, her eyes widened when she read two simple words:

[leclercss]

Tainted Love, Part 4 (Charles Leclerc ft Lewis Hamilton)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Masterlist

plot: in an attempt to fix your marriage, you've reluctantly agreed into being in an open relationship with your husband. so far, it's only been your husband that has taken advantage of your recent arrangement until one night out you meet a man who makes you begin to question your marriage.

pairings: charles leclerc x fem!reader

warnings: (+18) mentions of smut, cheating and some swearing

authors note: thank you guys for the love for this story so far. i'm hoping i can keep it exciting and enjoyable. pray for my creativity x

word count: it's a longer one, 6.4k

taglist: @ironmaiden1313, @ru-kru, @buendiabebeta, @flwr-quicksilver, @ravioli19, @julesandro, @hornedravenclaws, @thatobsessedreader @pinkangelavenue, @queenofshinigamis, @notleclerc, @paullinne, @bisexualbith, @strolleclercs, @cl16gf, @estapa94, @yunnie-f1, @headinthecloudssblog, @girlintheredscarf, @taylenas2

Now that you had broken a rule in your and Lewis' arrangement, you were expecting all-out warfare and destruction. So far your predictions were wrong, all you had gotten was the silent treatment.

In your short war against Lewis, your home had become so hostile that you've been working overtime the last few days to avoid being in the flat other than to sleep, shower and eat. Lewis had taken a different approach and had been going to the gym, or fucking other girls, you weren't entirely sure how he spent his time but you wouldn't be surprised by him taking up either option. Or both.

Either way, he comes home, drops his bag by the front door, plays with Roscoe and downs a protein shake before taking a shower and going to bed. All without saying a word to you.

You weren't hurt by this. Lewis had unintentionally (or intentionally, you were never sure) been ignoring you in your relationship for several months and so this wasn't going to hurt you. But what did hurt you was that even Roscoe was starting to ignore you and had been spending less time with you these last few days. He stuck by Lewis' side as your husband took every opportunity to make you feel like an outsider.

Well, I guess we know who's getting Roscoe if we were to divorce.

You had at some point used Whitney's home as a refuge, which you were secretly grateful for. She had known that you and Lewis were going through a tough time but you had never told her the exact reasons. Especially the ones that had unfolded in the last few days. You weren't ready for another round of I-told-you-so's when it came to your relationship with Lewis.

She still had no idea about your open relationship. Nor was she aware of your fling with Charles after you had left the club that night. For all she knew, you had danced with and kissed Charles in a drunken moment after a fight with your husband. No biggie.

And when you rocked up to her apartment shortly after your argument with Lewis, she seemed to be none the wiser. You were there to grab your belongings after all.

"Look at you. Making out with a hot Frenchie before having angry sex with your husband," she teased. "Told you girls night would be a good idea".

"What are you talking about?" you scoffed as you had gathered the belongings you had left behind.

Sex with Lewis? Like that was on the cards these days.

"I recognise hate sex when I see it. I mean, look at those hickeys on your neck," Whitney laughed.

Shit! You had noticed them when you left Charles’ and you were going to cover them up when you got home but then you got so lost in your argument with Lewis that you got changed as quickly as you could before you left for Whitney's.

"Oh yeah," you laugh sheepishly. "I forgot he left those on my neck".

Dammit, Charles! If Whitney had noticed them then Lewis definitely would have noticed. Great, even more ammunition for him to use against you. You pull up the collar of your shirt in a pathetic attempt to hide the markings on your neck.

"It's fine. Max always used to leave marks on me when we used to have makeup sex," Whitney tells you. "He was always up for that kind of stuff when we argued".

You laugh to yourself at the memory of Whitney's ex, Max. A sweet and funny guy until you pissed him off and then he became a hot-headed Dutchman. You were all too familiar with them from growing up in Belgium.

"How was the sex, by the way?"

"What?" You're completely out of the loop when it comes to the conversation from your brief trip down memory lane.

"The sex? With Lewis?"

"Oh!! Yeah, it was good," you lie. "Pretty hot. He got really into it".

Whitney cackles. "Well, I'm not surprised. The way you two have been arguing lately you were due a hot and heavy go at it."

You roll your eyes when she's not looking and take the first opportunity you can to move the conversation away from you and Lewis. "Enough about me. What about that guy you brought home?"

Whitney blushes as she's clearly having flashbacks. "It was good. Better than I thought, to be honest. I'm actually seeing him again this Friday," she gushes.

"Oh, do tell".

"Well, he's having a house party this Friday for his birthday and invited me. You should totally come," she sounds so excited. Before you even get a chance to respond, she's already beaten you to it.

"You need to come. I think he lives with that sexy guy with the dimples. You know, the one that you kissed?" She teases. You're tempted to throw the cushion that's beside you at her head. You loved your best friend but boy, did she never let you forget your actions.

"Whitney, don't!" you plead. You've just moved on from the Lewis conversation. You really didn't need to get into a conversation about Charles with her.

But she dismisses your pleas, "Oh, come on! It was just a kiss. One that you seemed pretty into, by the way. And besides, it's not like you fucked him."

Yeah, about that...

"Anyway, you're having a shit time at home with Lewis. Maybe you guys need to have some social time apart until things cool down. Plus, there's nothing wrong with having a sexy French guy flirting with you every now and again".

"They're Monegasque, Whitney," you whine. Charles had told you that it was one of his pet peeves when someone got his nationality wrong.

"As if there's a difference. But you're coming to that party".

-

You were slowly edging closer to Friday and as the week continued, so did the cold front you were receiving from Lewis. Before he was just blatantly ignoring you but now he was just being downright petty. He'd been constantly texting and giggling whenever he was in the same room as you. Leaving and coming back to the apartment at all hours. Speaking obnoxiously loud on the phone with his friends about going out and partying this weekend. You're pretty sure you even saw him pull a woman's thong out of his backpack at one point.

And I'm the one that's supposed to be 10 years younger than him? you had thought to yourself at the time. If you had rolled your eyes any further they'd be permanently at the back of your head.

Whatever tactic Lewis was going for you weren't sure. Was he trying to make you feel guilty? Have some regrets? Possibly even to make you jealous?

You had even started to think in the other direction.

Was he just so shocked that you finally made a ballsy move in your marriage that he didn't know how to react? Because prior to last weekend it would have been so unimaginable that you would do something without thinking how it would affect Lewis. You had spent most of your relationship being infatuated with him after all.

Or, god forbid, he was genuinely hurt that you had slept with someone other than him so easily. And he was trying to process the hurt and confusion that he was feeling, even if he didn't have a leg to stand on.

Whatever his motive was - it was unclear. This was behaviour from Lewis that you had never experienced before. And so, rather than engage with him in a game you didn't have the energy or knowledge to partake in, you used it as an opportunity to explore your own thoughts and feelings.

You were still undecided about if you should go to Joris' party on Friday or not. It could be a recipe for disaster and result in further hatred from Lewis. But a part of you was still curious. Charles was most likely going to be there and you hadn't seen or spoken to him since you had left his apartment last weekend.

You were keen to see him again. The night and morning that you had spent with him almost felt surreal. Whenever you had a moment, your mind would flicker back to him and you thought about all of the things that you found attractive about him:

His accent. His scent.

Those dimples.

His adorable laugh which ranged from a light chuckle to sometimes sounding like a seal was dying.

His toned body.

The way he called you amour.

His warm breath hitting you as he moved on top of you.

His tongue slipping into your mouth.

You had to catch yourself a few times as you were finding yourself replaying the events from the weekend in your head. The more of these moments you had, the more you realised you had to settle this sense of curiosity once and for all.

And so you had texted Charles asking if you guys could meet in person. He had agreed and you had decided to meet after work on Thursday.

As you made your way to the entrance of the bar that you had agreed to meet in, you were hit with a wave of nerves. Seeing him again sans alcohol had you doubting yourself. Was this really a good idea? You were already in the doghouse.

But how much further into the doghouse could I be in right now?

Whatever sense of panic and doubt you were feeling left your body as soon as your eyes connected with Charles'. He was already sitting at a table and from the moment he noticed you walking in, his lights lit up and a bright smile immediately spread across his face.

He was stunning. And you were reminded of it each time that you saw him.

He stood up from his seat as you made your way towards him and he opened his arms for you to fall into you. You obliged and rested your head against his chest as he held you for a few moments.

"Hi," your greeting was so blunt that you could feel Charles' chest vibrate against your head as he chuckled.

"Hi, [Y/N]," he laughed.

You lifted your head from his chest so you were now looking up at him and into his eyes.

"It's good to see you again, amour," he whispers as he moves his hands from around your body to cup your face.

He examines you before placing a delicate kiss on your lips. You feel like you're about to melt into him at just the slightest touch of his lips against yours.

"Hi, Charles".

You open your eyes and see that Charles' pretty green eyes are looking into yours deeply. He's been just as curious as you have over these last few days. Especially when it comes to the thought of what it would be like to see you again. To feel you. Were you as into him as he had originally thought?

After your embrace, you take a seat opposite him and your hand immediately reached for his across the table. You've only been here for a minute but you already feel like you need to have your bodies intertwined in some way. He laces his fingers through yours and gives your hand a light squeeze.

"How have you been, amour?" he asks you gently.

God, just hearing him say amour again makes you want to launch across the table and plant another kiss on his lips.

"I've been okay," you tell him. "It's been an interesting few days since I left yours on Saturday".

Charles smiles at you sympathetically. "I can imagine".

You sense a hint of nervousness in his body language as he asks you another question, "Does your husband know?"

"He does," you sigh. "I mean, I arrived home in the clothes that I left yours in. It was pretty obvious".

"And how did he react?"

You can't help but let out a laugh, which confuses Charles a little.

"Well, let's just say he hates me right now. But honestly, I don't really care," you tell him truthfully. "He's being insanely difficult but he's a hypocrite. He's done stuff like this for so long now that he's now just throwing his toys out of the pram. I don't think he ever expected me to prioritise my own feelings for once".

You take a sip of the drink that Charles had already ordered for you before arrived before continuing, "And it only confirms that I made the right decision to stay with you".

You can't help but smile as a sense of relief washes over Charles and he smiles back at you. "So you don't regret coming home with me?"

"Charles, it was the best decision I've made in a very long time".

To reassure him, you lean over the table and place a kiss on his lips. You stay there for a moment, slightly deepening the kiss before eventually pulling away. As much as you would like to, you can't tongue him down in the middle of a bar on a late-Thursday afternoon.

"And aside from the great sex," you laugh, pausing after you see Charles look ever so slightly more smug at your comment, "I also really enjoyed getting to know you."

"I really enjoyed getting to know you too, [Y/N]," he replies. His voice is so soft and genuine that a warm feeling rushes across your entire body. "I wanted to message you after you had left on Saturday but I wanted to give you the time and space you needed. I mean, your situation from what I can see is a lot more complicated than mine".

You nod. Complicated definitely felt like an understatement these days.

"But my feelings towards you aren't complicated. And I'd like to get to know you more," his voice is soft once again. His eyes are glued to your face. He's looking at you deeply, your fingers still laced with his.

You take in a breath before you reply with,

"I'd like that a lot, Charles".

You both lean in to meet each other in another kiss, this one a little more passionate than the previous ones you had shared today.

As you both move away, he presses his forehead against yours in another sign of affection.

You and Charles continued your conversation about getting to know each other. He did have a few more questions for you about your marriage. Before today you would have tried to dodge Charles' questions but after he so openly shared his feelings and intentions towards you, you felt like you owed him some reassurance. And that you and Lewis had some sort of agreement. You also weren't just stringing him along in some shitty affair to get back at your husband but you wanted to get to know him on a deeper level.

You'd also discussed the party that Joris was hosting the next day and Charles was more than keen for you to come but he noticed you still had some hesitations.

"How many of your friends know about us?" you asked him quietly.

"Just the guys that you met, Riccardo and Hugo. Joris knows too," he tells you. "I think some of the others would have known that I kissed you but I'm pretty sure they don't know that we slept together".

You hesitate a little, "How sure is pretty sure?"

"I mean, I told the guys not to say anything. It's not really their place to run around telling everyone your business," he replies. Your hands are in his and he's stroking the back of your hands with his thumbs to soothe you. "I also didn't want them to ruin my chances of seeing you again".

You relax a little and you can't help but to smile at him. "You're too good at this," you joke.

"I'm not always this good," he sounds honest but when you look at him and take in his beauty, you wonder how he couldn't be so good at this. "But with you, amour, it feels natural".

You jokingly roll your eyes but you feel warm and fuzzy inside. You're so easy when it comes to him. And for a moment, your mind flashes back to the beginning of your relationship with Lewis and how you so easily fell for his charm.

But Lewis was much older than you and way more experienced. With Charles, it's beginning to feel more natural, more authentic.

Before you could begin to compare the two further, Charles brings you back to attention.

"Your friend..."

"Whitney".

"Whitney," he carries on, "does she know?"

You shake your head a little. "Erm, no. She doesn't. She did see us kiss and stuff on the dance floor but she still thinks that I went home that night."

Charles nods, he seems quite understanding.

"And she thinks those love bites that you left on my neck are Lewis'. Just in case it comes up," you tease.

Charles drops his head in embarrassment. His cheeks flush a little but you can see he's trying to hide a smile. "Sorry about that".

Somehow you don't think he's sorry.

You both tease each other for a few moments before you become slightly more serious again. "She doesn't know the true nature of my relationship with Lewis right now. She just knows we're having a shit time".

"So I'm going to have to drag you to a private room if I want to kiss you tomorrow?"

You giggle as Charles flashes you a cheeky grin. "I think so".

-

You pulled out your best acting skills as you and Whitney made your way to Charles and Joris' apartment for the party the following evening, pretending as if you hadn't been here just seven days before.

"What apartment number is it?" you ask as you both stand downstairs at the main entrance.

807, you reply to yourself mentally.

"Err.... 807!" Whitney replies before punching in the apartment number.

A muffled voice accompanied by some thumping music tells you to come in before the door unlocks in front of you. As you wait in the lift with Whitney, you begin to think about how you'll interact with Charles tonight and not make it obvious that just one week ago he'd been fucking you in this very apartment for five hours straight.

Especially if you have a few drinks in you. Your composure was non existent after you got a few tequilas into your system.

"I swear to god, if tonight doesn't result in sex with the birthday boy, I've lost my touch," Whitney sighs. You hold back a laugh as you remain grateful for your friend's ability to always get you to snap back into reality. Even if that was discussing whether or not she'd be giving the birthday boy her own special type of gift.

As you approached the apartment door, you were both greeted by the birthday boy, Joris, who drunkenly threw his arms around the both of you.

"Come on in, ladies," he drunkenly yells in your ear. "Time to get drunk on my birthday".

He begins to drag the two of you into the apartment and into the kitchen where you're greeted with the sound of music blasting and the smell of alcohol.

"Looks like someone has already started," Whitney teases. You feel like a third wheel as Joris whispers something into her ear and Whitney starts giggling. Unfortunately, Joris still has his arm wrapped around you as they continue to flirt with one another.

You try to free yourself as one of the other guests hands you a cup of something but Joris has you trapped as him and Whitney continue their conversation.

"I'm going to leave you two to it," you hope your attempts of freeing yourself aren't too subtle but Joris and Whitney are already too into each other for them to even remember your existence.

A few minutes have passed and you've finally freed yourself from Whitney and Joris. You haven't told Charles that you were here yet since you and Whitney had gotten ready and come to the party together, not needing an opportunity for her to spot you texting Charles. You two were going to have to play it casual tonight.

Once you've poured yourself something that doesn't want to make you throw up, you begin to make your way into the living room to find some other company. As you make your way back into the hall, you bump into none other than Charles' friend from last week. Hugo.

"Heeeyyyy... isn't it long time no see?" he yells as he jokingly throws his arms around you. "Been a while since I've seen you here".

You try not to roll your eyes as he's clearly intoxicated and lightly poking fun at you.

"Nice to see you too," you reply dryly.

"Only joking, apparently I'm not supposed to be telling anyone that you and Charles are fucking," he continues, his words are slightly slurred. What time did these guys start drinking?

"Well, you're doing a very good job at it I must say," you say sarcastically. You look up at him and he's smiling down at you.

"Thank you," your sarcasm has completely gone over his head. "I've always been good at keeping secrets". His arms are still wrapped around you in a friendly hug. Just as you've managed to free yourself from one drunken embrace you've now found yourself in another.

"I'm going to just have a quick walk around, I'll catch you later, yeah?" you tell him and manage to free yourself from Hugo's grasp. As you make your way towards the living room he calls after you, "Your boyfriend is in the living room if you're looking for him".

This is going to be a long night.

Despite his lack of composure and subtlety, you thank Hugo before making your way into the living room in your search for Charles. You have a quick look around the living room, weaving your way through plenty of people. You can't see him. As you're about to turn and make your way back into the kitchen, you feel a hand on your shoulder.

"Hey you".

You quickly turn around and see Charles standing behind you with a smile on his face. You return the smile and feel grateful at the fact that he's clearly not as intoxicated as the rest of his friends.

"Hey," you greet him softly.

You take in his appearance and as usual, he's looking good. His brown hair is in its usual style and he's rocking a slight tan thanks to the rare London sun. He's wearing a baby blue linen shirt that has the first three buttons undone, his toned chest peaking through. You would have leaned in to kiss him already but you remind yourself that you two need to be on your best behaviour tonight - leaving no signs that you have been involved in any way.

Not that Charles' friend are sticking to that party line.

"Nice to see you again, Charles," you tell him, slightly blushing as he's amused by your staring.

"Thank you, [Y/N]," he says before leaning down to your ear and whispering, "You look beautiful, amour".

The rosiness returns to your cheeks.

You and Charles are trying to find ways to have a normal conversation with one another without wanting to display signs of affection when you hear loud, drunken voices make their way into the living room.

"Shots!"

The voice carries towards you and you see Joris make his way through the crowd of people with a tray of liquor in his hands. He spots Charles and manages to make his way over to him without spilling any alcohol, miraculously.

"Charles, bro, take a shot!"

As Charles takes a shot glass from the tray, Joris looks over to see you standing there and a grin instantly appears on his face.

"Aw, you found your girlfriend," Joris teases and you feel like you're about to shit yourself when you see Whitney following behind.

"Joris," Charles grits through his teeth in an attempt to shut his friend up but if you and Charles are planning on having an easy night with no teasing from your friends, this was not a great start.

"Ohh... look who it is," Whitney laughs as she looks between you and Charles. "Two more of these sambucas and she might kiss you again".

"Whitney!" it was your turn now to scold your friend. Charles quickly flashes you a look of sympathy.

"Come on, it was a joke. Just take a shot," she yells at you and gives you an elbow into the side. You obey her orders and take a shot glass from the tray.

You were definitely going to need more of these if you were going to get through this night.

"3... 2... 1..."

The four of you take a shot, wincing in the process. You're still getting over the vile taste of the sambuca when you feel Whitney grab your arm.

"Come on, [Y/N}, let's go to the bathroom," she says as she begins to drag you out of the living room. "We'll catch you guys in a bit".

Before you're completely dragged away, you look at Charles one last time, mouthing "Pray for me!" which earns a chuckle from Charles.

Once you and Whitney find your way to the bathroom, she locks the door before plonking herself down on the toilet.

"You've told - what's his name again, the hot Frenchie?" Whitney asks.

"Charles". And he's Monegasque.

"You've told Charles that you're married, right?" Whitney quizzes you. Her questioning soon accompanied by the sound of her peeing.

"Yeah, I have," you reply. You hope that your expression is neutral, enough to hide the sudden stress that you're feeling inside.

"Okay good!"

"Why do you ask?" you feel like you might regret asking this one.

"Because I'm pretty sure he was giving you, I wanna fuck you eyes".

-

You had managed to escape further questioning from Whitney as you successfully moved the conversation along to how she was going to end the night with Joris again.

After you'd left the bathroom, you'd enjoyed the evening with more alcohol and talking to random people at the party. You and Charles occasionally bumped into one another. As much as you wanted to spend most of your night with him, you often had to have surface level conversations and make eye contact with him from across the room.

But right now you were the closest you had been together all night since taking shots with Joris and Whitney. You currently found yourself sitting on the sofas with a few randoms, one of Charles' friends whose name you still hadn't gotten yet and an agitated Charles who was basically eye fucking you from the other sofa. You both were evidently frustrated, it's the longest you two had been around each other without being able to touch one another.

As you were stuck listening to one of Charles' friends rambling on about something football related, you noticed Charles take out his phone and type away aggressively. Once he finished his text, he locked his phone and returned to burning his eyes into your body.

Charles' drunken friend had now moved the conversation onto why he called himself a "Smooth Operator" when you saw your phone flash in your lap. You look down and see a text from Charles:

I can't take this any more, I miss you. Meet me in my bedroom x

You close your phone and briefly look over at Charles, slightly nodding to confirm his request, before you briefly continue your conversation with the "Smooth Operator". In the corner of your eye, you see Charles excuse himself and make his way towards his bedroom. You give yourself thirty seconds before telling this guy that you needed to go to the bathroom.

You try to avoid detection by Whitney and any of Charles' friends that knew about the two of you and eventually make your way to Charles' bedroom. His door is closed and you quietly push it open. You take a quick peak inside and as you're about to take a step in, you feel a hand grab onto your arm in the dark and pull you inside, shutting the door quickly after you.

"Merde, it's about time I got you to myself tonight," Charles growls as he presses you against the door. He wastes no time and, in the dark, he presses his lips onto yours hungrily.

You've barely had a chance to breathe since Charles pulled you into his room as his hands find their way onto your body. One hand finds it's way to your ass and begins grabbing at one of your cheeks like a possessed animal.

"Mmmm!"

Charles initially ignores the noise that you've made against his lip but when you grab onto his hair and pull onto the strands at the back of his head, he slowly pulls away from the kiss.

"Sorry, amour. I got a little carried away," he pants. "I've been waiting to do that all night".

You let out a little laugh, "It's okay, Charles. I've been dying to do the same thing".

As you both recover your breath from the heated kiss, Charles' hands are firmly placed on your ass. "I've been trying my best not to get my hands on this leather skirt all evening".

You giggle, a way to let him know you wore this tight skirt on purpose and find his lips once more in the dark. You wrap your arms around his neck and push your tongue into his mouth. The kiss is a little slower this time but the passion is very much still there.

As the kiss begins to heat up once more, Charles presses his body onto yours and you feel your back press against the bedroom door once more. You can't help but smile at the hard bulge you feel that's pushing against your hip. The poor guy is already needy.

Taking the initiative, your hands run down Charles’ chest and you slowly begin to unbutton his shirt. You reach for his belt and begin to tug at it, undoing the buckle. He lets out a soft moan against your lips.

As you unzip his jeans and begin to pull them down, you decide to tease him, "Do you want me to touch you, Charles?"

He bites down on your lip in retaliation and you let out a whine.

"Fuck!"

"Don't tease me when I'm this hard for you, amour," he tells you before moving his lips to your jaw line and towards your neck.

Looks like those marks will be making a reappearance this weekend.

You ignore Charles' demands and begin to rub him over his boxer briefs, his dick is almost solid at this point. You feel him moan against your neck and one of his hands rests above your head on the door to hold himself up.

You continue to rub him, not giving him skin-to-skin contact down below.

"Baby, please," he begs.

You're trying to hold back a smile and before you get a chance to tease him further, he grabs your hand and shoves it down his boxers so your hand is on his dick.

"Fuck!"

His groan is so deep in your ear that you can feel yourself starting to get wet from it. You realise that you've teased him long enough and begin moving your hand up and down against his shaft. You rub your thumb across the tip and feel a bit of pre cum.

"Oh fuck, [Y/N}, just like that," Charles pants in your ear. You follow his demands, slightly picking up the pace with your movements. He attaches his lips to your neck in an attempt to stifle his soft moans.

Eventually, you grow bored of just having his hard cock in your hand and so you pull yourself away from him. As you get down on your knees in front of him, Charles opens his eyes to complain.

"Baby, what the-"

You silence him by taking him into your mouth.

"Merde".

You pull your mouth off of him so you can spit on his dick before moving your hand up and down his shaft once more.

"Do you like that, baby?" your voice is sickeningly sweet.

"Oui".

You smile and take him in your mouth more, placing your hands on both of his thighs to keep you upright and you begin bobbing your head up and down. His dick hitting the back of your throat. As Charles' moans get a little louder, you feel him lift up your hair and make it into a ponytail so he has better control of your movements.

As your mouth continues to move up and down against his shaft, you peer up at him through your lashes and see that he's staring down at you. His mouth is slightly open in the shape of an "o" as he watches you down below. His head resting against the back of his bedroom door.

"You look so perfect like this, amour".

You've missed him calling you that. And so as a reward, you take him out of you mouth, making a popping sound in the process so you can move down to take one of his balls into your mouth. One of your hands moves back to his cock so it doesn't get lonely from your mouth.

Charles is clearly enjoying it as you feel him tug on your hair slightly, another deep moan leaving his mouth in pleasure.

You pay attention to the other ball for a while before taking him back into your mouth once more. Charles decided it's his turn to take control and places his hands at the back of your head and begins to lightly thrust into your mouth. His dick hitting the back of your throat repeatedly.

"Oh God!"

His moaning is met with the sound of you slightly gagging as he hits the back of your throat. He continues thrusting into your mouth and you feel your eyes begin to water at the sensation, spit drooling down either side of your mouth.

Once the sensation becomes a little too much, you squeeze Charles' thighs so he can pull out of your mouth and you take in a deep breath. You feel your spit run down the side of your face and Charles looks at you with so much lust.

You place his cock into your hand once more for assistance and take him into your mouth, you're a little quicker this time with the movement, wanting him to climax.

He's starting to twitch in your mouth and you know he's close. His hands are still holding your hair into a pony tail but one of his thumbs is now caressing your cheek.

"Baby, you're so good at this," he whispers.

He lightly thrusts into your mouth once more to let you know he's almost there. Just a few seconds later, he lets out a grunt and aggressively pulls his dick out of your mouth. One hand grabs onto the hair on top of your head, pulling at it lightly, while the other finds its way to his shaft. He rubs it a few times.

"Put your tongue out, baby," he pants.

You obey, tongue out, and soon after his cum begins to fall into your mouth.

A number of fuck's and merde's roll of his tongue as he shoots the last of his cum into your mouth.

He lets go of the hair that he's grabbing onto and places it against the door so he can hold himself up right and recover from the pleasure you've just given him.

As he tries to get his breathing back to normal, you place a kiss against his lower stomach and stand up. You wrap your arms around him and kiss his cheek. He lifts his head slightly so you have easier access to his lips and they meet once more in a kiss. His tongue is in your mouth and he can feel the taste of his own cum against it.

Despite the fact that he's still recovering from his climax, Charles doesn't want to leave you unsatisfied for long and begins to fiddle with the zip on your leather skirt, with you assisting him along the way.

As your skirt falls to your ankles, you open your legs slightly so Charles' hand can find its rightful place between your legs again.

"I can't wait to fuck you," he whispers against your lips as he quickly moves your underwear to the side. He pushes a finger through your folds to find itself in a pool of wetness.

He's about to stick a finger inside of you when you both suddenly become distracted by someone calling your name from the other side of the door.

It's Whitney.

Your eyes are wide open out of shock and you feel your heart begin to pound at the idea of being caught in a very compromising position with another man that isn't your husband. Especially by your best friend who has no clue about your situation.

You look into Charles' eyes out of panic. He places a finger to his lips as a gesture for you to stay quiet.

"[Y/N], are you here?" Whitney calls out.

You don't answer. You cling onto Charles and place your head into his neck.

Whitney is about to call your name out again when you hear someone else out in the corridor. You hear Joris' faint but drunken voice. You can't make out what he's saying but whatever he said, it's enough for Whitney to walk away from Charles' door and back down to the commotion and party in the rest of the flat. Once you're sure that she's gone, you look up at Charles.

"They're going to find us here," you whisper.

Charles nods. "I know. But I still need you so badly".

You both pause, allowing yourselves to think of a place for you to continue this away from any wandering partygoers.

[badgers-and-cats]

hello love i recently read your sirius fic and it was really great^-^ and now i would like go ask (if you’re comfortable with it) older remus lupin x younger reader ,who are secretly invloded with each other, and they’re at an order meeting and she keeps teasing him subtly and he can only take so much 🤭 and then after the order he grabs her and he pulls her into a room and then you know smut ensues

would be great but if you can’t right that’s alright too thanks anyway🤭🤭

Pretty Dove (Remus Lupin x reader)

Masterlist

AFAB reader

Warnings: age gap (everyone is of age - reader is in early to mid 20’s). Unprotected PIV. Blowjob. Feminine pet names MDNI!!! (Let me know if I forgot anything!!)

A/N: Aaa thank you my lovely, I’m glad you enjoyed the Sirius fic!!! Hope you like this one just as much❤️ sending lots and lots of love❤️

Also wasn’t really sure how to end this! So apologies if the ending isn’t great

No matter how hard you tried to get his attention, he just wouldn’t look at you. The entire meeting, which had reached the half hour mark now, you had received a maximum of 2 looks from him, and one of those times was because he was talking to the group.

You understood your relationship with the older man was a secret. The past 4 months had been spent sneaking about, only getting to spend time together when nobody else was around. Only being about to touch him and to be touched when you were 100% certain you wouldn’t be disturbed or caught.

But the last time you had a moment alone was a whole 12 days ago, (but who’s counting, right?) and you were getting desperate. Especially when he wouldn’t even look at you. From the outside, it was like you were just acquaintances, colleagues even.

You were fed up of being ignored. So, you acted on an idea you had thought of. It was risky, but you were confident you wouldn’t get caught.

His demeanour changed, when he feels your fingers running up his thigh. Still, he doesn’t look at you. But it’s obvious your small action is affecting him. What else could you get away with, you wonder.

With no warning, your hand touches his hardening cock through his pants. He snaps his head at you, gaining himself a few funny looks from other members of the order. You smile softly at him, an innocent, friendly, act in the eyes of everybody else; but you and he know differently.

He knew that he couldn’t do much, even if your relationship was knowledgeable to the order; this was still a risky move. Instead, he gives you a stern look as he looks the other way.

The meeting lasts another 15 minutes. Remus leaves almost instantly, looking at you as to say ‘follow me.’ You leave a moment later, following him into an empty drawing room upstairs.

The second the door is closed, your back is pushed up against it.

“What is the matter with you today?” He asks, one hand on your hip and the other placed on the door at the side of your head.

“I’m not sure what you mean, Remus,” you smirk, running your hands down his chest, smiling up at him softly.

“You know exactly what I mean, dove,” he whispers, kissing the corner of your mouth, pulling away before you could respond,

“Remus, please,” you’re starting to beg. But you cannot ignore your heat begging for his touch any more. He just smiles at you softly, tucking your hair behind your ear. Luckily for you, he had been longing for your touch - his hand just didn’t compare to you.

“I need you to be quiet for me, pretty dove. Can’t have anyone catching us, can we?” He asks. You don’t even have the chance to fully process what he had said, but that doesn’t matter anymore. His soft lips are a contrast to the bruising force of the kiss.

He runs his tongue over your lips, before sucking your bottom lip into his mouth, earning a soft moan from your swollen lips.

“I love you so much, pretty girl. Missed you so much,” he groans, kissing you before you could answer - swirling his tongue around yours as he pushes you further against the door.

“Mhm Rem,” his name rolls off of your tongue effortlessly, almost as effortlessly as his hand made its way to the top of your head as you make your way to your knees, palming his bulge when you get there.

“Go on, pretty dove. Show me how much you missed me,” he says, gently and lovingly moving your hair out of your face as you undo his belt - taking down his pants and boxers.

Usually, you would tease. But after so long with no touches, you elect to get straight to it - Remus is delighted for this decision, you knew from his satisfied sigh when his member enters your warm mouth.

You bobbed your head along his length, it hitting the back of your throat with every bob. His hand has made a made shift ponytail, helping you to move along his length, as well with the occasional thrust of his hips.

You’d be lying if you said you wasn’t enjoying this as much as he was - the wetness between your legs proving that. Like he read your mind, he gently pulled your mouth off his member, your lips darkened and wet with saliva.

“Need to feel you. Wanna be inside you,” he begs. He helps you strip quickly - lining himself up with your heat. Rubbing his head through your slick, he pushes just his head into your wetness.

He groans at the sensation of finally being inside you after almost 2 weeks, resting his head in the crook of your neck - kissing it gently.

“Please, wanna feel you all,” you whine, hands playing with the hair on the back of his neck, as you kiss the top of his head. Pushing into you more until he bottoms out, now balls deep inside you, it takes him a moment to ground himself after feeling your warmth and wetness around his aching member.

After a few moments, he starts moving his hips - every one coming in faster and harder than the last. You’re holding onto his shoulders, nails digging into his skin. He has one hand caressing your face, thumb running up and down your cheek lovingly, the other against the door behind you.

“Oh fuck, oh, yes, fuck yes, there, just like that, fuck,” you moan, attempting to not be too loud, as his thrusts somehow becomes rougher as he bites your neck lovingly.

“Ssh, quiet dove, don’t want anyone catching us do we? Not after all this time,” he whispers - unable to keep his own moans down.

You knew you wouldn’t last long, “can I- fuck,” you couldn’t even finish your question - feeling his dick hit your cervix with every thrust.

“Yes, I’m close too, cum for me gorgeous girl,” he says, before stilling his hips, filling you up with his cum, as you soak his dick in your juices.

He pulls out after a minute, you while slightly at the loss of contact. With a gentle kiss on the lips, he says “I love you. I’m so sorry for not giving you the attention you deserve.”

“That’s okay, handsome. You can ignore me more often if that’s how I’ll get fucked afterwards,” you smirk, holding his face in your hands, kissing him again, “and I love you too,” you smile.

After getting dressed again, and a handful of more stolen kisses, you both leave the drawing room, hoping to remain undetected. That is, until you come to face to face with Fred and George Weasley.

“Afternoon,” they both smirk, before walking away.

“I wonder what they’ll want in return for them to not tell everyone,” you joke.

[wowevenmoreloveonearth]

You know what? I have become a gaylor sympathiser

This is going to be a long post, sorry! Please read the full post before even thinking about commenting.

Over the past few days I’ve seen a few posts on my dash about taylor swift and her fans that have left a bad taste in my mouth.

I know that a lot of people think that some fans of her are “trying to make her gay” and I just wanted to put the record straight and defend some people after actually looking at what’s going on. And I know I’m probably opening myself up for tumblr’s poor reading comprehension but before I start I’m going to say this:

I do not think taylor swift is a lesbian

Ok? Now let’s have a conversation.

First of all from what I’ve seen most of the fans who talk about Taylor swift and queerness do it from a point of literary analysis and learning queer history. This is a huge part of the community and lots of people have said that they never would have learnt so much about queer history without reading taylor swift’s works through a queer lens.

Adding on to that point, it seems a little hypocritical for the gay site which loves queer readings of books, tv shows, songs, musicals, films etc to be bullying a pretty small group of people who are mainly doing queer readings of lyrics. Especially when those people get near constant death threats. Instead of bullying these people (who don’t think or do what you think they think and do) why don’t you go outside and think “does this affect me? No. Do I agree with them? No. Am I going to cyber bully them because of this? No.”

Secondly, for the people who believe that any speculation on a real persons sexuality is 100% wrong. I used to think this too but I have changed my mind a bit about this recently after stopping and thinking about it properly. I’m not trying to change your mind at all I just want you to stop and think for a minute.

If you only get mad when speculation is queer in nature, then maybe think about that for a minute. Why is it totally wrong to think a person might be queer. We probably do it in our daily lives with people we know and they likely do it with us, back in the day that’s how queer people found each other-by speculating on sexuality. Would you be upset if you found out someone that you know thought you might be queer? I wouldn’t, maybe you would but if you would, why? Why is it terrible to think someone might be queer (this is NOT about hounding a person to admit to being queer like shawn mendes, this is just thinking in your head and on your small blog that the person will likely never see). Also this is literally the website where we talk about historical (real people) being gay even when they would have never said something to the equivalent.

An addition to this point before people start saying in the comments is that this is NOT the same situation as with kit connor. The issue there was people assuming that he was straight and taking that role away from a queer person. Speculating that he was queer was the opposite of what happened in that situation. So this is not an example of what happens when you speculate queerness.

Final things to say:

1) don’t believe every post you see with someone looking insane about taylor swift being gay, a lot of them are fake.

2) before anyone says “they should listen to real queer artists instead” most of them very much do. There’s a lot of fans of Hayley kiyoko, girl in red, Janelle monae, tegan and sara, zolita, kehlani etc.

3) there are some queer flags that are there. Sorry but there are. Hairpin drops, lavender, the ladder, flag colours, songs about women, friend of dorothy reference. Whether they are intentional is a different matter.

4) shipping real people is not what is happening for the majority of the people in the community. Also this comes back to queer vs straight again. Plenty of swifties ship taylor with men she’s been seen with and no one goes into their inboxes and sends death threats even when they are the ones making taylor swift all about the men she may or may not have dated.

5) taylor swift has never stated her sexuality. I know this may be hard to belive based off of how some people act, but it’s true. She has made vague statements which could have many meanings but she has never clearly stated anything. When gaylors get upset with taylor it is not because she said she is straight, it’s because they are getting death threats and doxxed and she seems to either be unaware of it (which is unlikely given how she seems to be a little terminally online) or she doesn’t care enough to tell her fans to stop.

6) if she does explicitly say she’s straight then there will probably be disappointment in her use of queer history and flags and her potential queer erasure (as we saw with lavender haze, with straight women describing their relationships as lavender) and centring herself in queer spaces (like the you need to calm down music video) but no one will be angry that she’s not gay. And a lot will probably be grateful that she actually explicitly stated for the record to absolve any confusion. The main issue would likely be other fans ramping up the death threats and bullying.

In conclusion: these people who do queer analysis of Taylor’s work are not trying to out her or make her gay etc. if you don’t understand it that’s fine it’s clearly not for you and you can go quite easily without seeing any of it. It’s not illegal to read works through a queer lens and if it means more people know about queer history then I think that’s a very good thing.

I changed my mind after looking at what a lot of people are actually saying rather than what people perceive them to be saying and maybe you will too?

Just be kinder to people online please and if you don’t like what people are saying block them and do not engage!

[suckerforbassist]

Short drabble

Warnings: NSFW (minors DNI, 18+ only), pussy eating (Sort of), cunnilingus, oral sex (f!receiving), swearing, pet names, not proof read

a/n: hello tumblr community! This is my first drabble and had been in my pc folder since 2021 :) originally, the character was a different person but due to my change of interest, I decided to choose logan as my main character haha.

Word count: 1.8k

“W-what are we doing here?” He dragged me back to his hotel room after the incident at the club.

The noise from the hallway of the hotel became inaudible as the door were shut by the Canadian man and oh shit-

I was left alone in this empty room with this maniac plus the surroundings of the room isn’t helping at all. We barely see each others face and the dim light shone through the curtain from the moon outside was the only source of light. His broad back faced the door, blocking the exit and his facial glinted due to the strangely gleamed by the moonlight. The pair of chocolate eyes bored into mine, not even glancing away from me. I looked away, knowing that he made me felt certain feeling towards him. Crossed my arms to show my confidence that he is not making me nervous even though my heart raced and butterflies fluttered in my belly. A pregnant of silence later, I heard he cleared his throat.

“We’re gonna have a conversation.”

I averted to him in confusion, “There’s nothing to talk about, Logan.”

“Yes there is, sweetheart! Whether you like it or not, you and I are gonna stuck in here- talk it out.”

He exclaimed, still staring into my face. I scoffed with the name he called me. I used to hate that name- but, when it came out from that lips, it just felt right. My eyes landed on his lips, I wondered how that pair of lips felt against mine. Would it felt soft as feather? What would it taste like? Hell, what was I thinking? We hated each other. Immediately, I asserted,

“Stop calling me that! I’m not letting out a single word. Starting from now.”

Logan sighed but he pursued anyway, “Why are you avoiding me?”

My eyes wandered everywhere except for his figure who was standing 4 feet away from me. Mouth was sealed not giving him the satisfaction. Made him frustrated but, it was replaced with a mysterious smirk.

“Fine, you wanna play like that, huh?” Pair of eyes staring into mine. “Then, let the lips do the work.”

“What-”

Swiftly, he took a couple strides towards me and I felt Logan’s right palm caressed softly my cheek as his other hand held onto my waist and pressed his lips against mine. Soft and delicate. So, my assumption about those lips was true. I was daze and my lips froze against his but quickly picked it up when I felt his lips pressed against me a bit harder but, still delicate. Our chests brushed against one another, I felt his heart beating rapidly and so was mine. Logan was about to pull away when I did not give him much response but, I instantly gripped lapel of his flannel shirt and pulled him for another kiss.

All I could remember was that kiss was hot and intense as we picked up the pace. My arms automatically wrapped around his neck as I felt Logan’s hand roamed my back and lower until he rested on my ass. Squeezed it, a squeal escape from my mouth and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my wet cavern. Exploring every inch of my mouth. Left the tingling sensation all over my body and down to the core. His tongue was erratic, eager to taste every inch of my mouth.

I was not even aware that he bend his knees a bit lower and felt both of his hands caressed the back of my thighs. Gasp escaped from my lips as I was being lifted and forced my legs to wrap around his waist, making the hem of the dress lifted a bit. Setting me gently against the soft sheet of his hotel bed whilst his lips explored to my jaw, few pecks were given delicately and down to the crook my neck. A rattle breath left my lips as the plum pair of lips were pressed on the particular spot on my neck. His sucking, bite and lick made me swoon and unmindful, my eyes were shut closed due to the unforgettably pleasure. Hands were roaming the back of his neck and unruly curls. Fingers were tangled in between the curls.  

“Lo- please.”

Biting the bottom of my lips to contain the sound as he moved towards south to my clavicle, leaving wet kisses behind. His left hand was grazing teasingly at the side of my breast and then, rested on the hip while his right hand propped next to my head. Absentmindedly, I lifted my hips against his. A friction gained between our crouch and immediately I jolted towards the excitement. A few bold grunt were heard by the man above me as I continued to tease. A second later, he halted and I no longer felt his warmth. The hand on the side of my hip was no longer presence. When I opened my eyes, he knelt in front of me with the eyes filled with guilt and lust. Panting and redden cheeks, ran his eyes away from mine.

“Logan?” I sat up on the sheet with him still between my legs.

“This is wrong. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kiss you o-or force you-”

He was not the broody-jerk Logan at the moment, he was so much vulnerable and subtle Logan. The one that I grew accustom to these past few days. Without second thoughts, I knelt in front of him and palmed his stubbly cheeks.

“Hey, non of these are your fault. You didn’t force me to do this. I wanted it, Logan.” His orbs directly staring into mine, looking for sign of discomfort in mine.

“I want you.”

He croaked, “Are you sure?”

I leaned onto him and pressed my lips against his. At the moment, I don’t even care what’s going to happen between us tomorrow, tried my best to ignore all the wrong thoughts after we happened to sleep together. Shifted onto his lap with my thighs straddled him. He was a little hesitant and tried to assure with my decision. He broke the kiss and opened his mouth tried to say something but I beat to him.

“Lo, shut up and unzip me.”

He grunted while his hand wandered behind my back and skillfully, dragged the zip down. Instantly, I lifted from his lap and stood in front of the man. Sensually, my hands roamed the side of my body, purposely touch the tits without leaving my eyes from him. His eyed me lustfully while licking his lips. I reached both of my dress’s straps with thumbs and slowly dragged it down my shoulder. Soon, the satin fabric dropped and pooled around my feet. Leaving me in only strapless navy blue lace bra and panties. A groan left from his lips and a prominent bulge could be seen from his jeans.

“Twirl slowly for me, bub.” His husky voice made me shuddered and my tummy fluttered.

I complied to his order and as I was about to face him, I felt his warm hands on the side of my hips. Pulled me onto his laps, straddled his thighs. Without seconds thought, he pulled me into a desperate kiss and mumbled.

“You’re a goddess. So beautiful.”

His praise made me even wetter and a moan slipped from my throat.

“Tell me, what do you want?”

“I want you. All of you.”

Hastily, he flipped me and my back was against the soft mattress. I felt his lips everywhere and I kept whining as I felt his lips on the braline, one of his hands snaked behind and skillfully took off the strap. As the piece of flimsy fabric came off, Logan was stunned and his throat bobbed. His brown eyes scanned my chest delicately and then averted to my eyes asking permission to touch them but, I pouted.

“Why am I half naked and you’re not?” He chuckled and asked me if I wanted to undress him. Hell, yeah gladly.

When he stripped to only boxer, my hand sneakily went down to his crouch to touch the prominent bulge but, he was quicker. Grabbed, my wrist and brought it above my head. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to taste my skin first. I moaned and begged for him to touch me there.

“Patience, Princess. You’ll get what you want.”

With his a hand still locked both of my arms above my head, he began to explore my chest. Left a trail of wet kisses, licking and sucking the skin around the nipple. I huffed in frustration and tried to tug my hands from his grip. Logan let out a deep chuckled and continued sucking.

“Lo, please.” I whined. “Want you-” Gasped as I felt his tongue licked my left nipple, circled it and then playfully bit the nipple. Wrapped his lips around it and started to suck. Moaned at the sensation and it sent straight to my heat, damped my panties. He did the same to my right nipple, took his time whilst I was squirming mess underneath him.

Logan finally stopped and sat up straight while letting my hands free, stared at his masterpiece that he just created. His mouth was agape, cheeks were flustered and his eyes were blown in lust. At the same time, that pair of eyes were filled with adoration and I dared to say was love. But I can’t, falling in love with him was a huge mistake.

All of my doubts disappear as I felt his fingers trailed my inner thigh delicately, his other hand rested on my hip. Pleasure sent all over my body as his forefinger and middle pressed at the front of my panties, rubbed the wetness up and down. I moaned and fists the pillow underneath my head. Logan mumbled ‘beautiful’ but I was too busy to acknowledge his vocabulary.

“So wet for me, baby.” He leaned between my crouch and continued pressing and circling my covered bundle of nerves with his thumb. I felt a couple of pecks on the hem of my panties and suddenly the pressure on my clit’s gone. I sighed in frustration and sensed Logan was smirking.

“I swear Logan, your balls gonna be blue if you don’t hurry up.”

He chuckled, “No need to be mad, bub. I was just taking my time.”

Both his fingers curled at the hem of my panties but halted as his gentle yet lustful eyes met mine, asking for permission. I lifted my hips as allowing him to take off the flimsy piece. A groan escaped from the bassist lips.

“Fuck baby, all this for me?” He was inches away from my dripping cunt and sniffed, “Smell so amazing, I bet you taste wonderful, sweetheart.”

The way he talked made my face heated in embarrassment and hid my face in my palms. He tutted and removed my hands, placed them both on the duvet. Knowing those hands will gripped the duvet tightly or flying around his hair or back.

“Wanna see you.” He winked, “Just scratch me or anything, alright? I don’t mind.” He dived into my cunt like a starved man.

Gasped as he licked clean-

[ladykailitha]

Well Met By Moonlight Part 17

Welcome to the beginning of the end, for the next four weeks I will be putting out the last chapters of this story. It's done. And I am sorry to see it go. I really loved writing this story even if it kept changing on me and evolving into what it is today.

In this chapter we have Jason being sneaky, Wayne and a new werewolf in town.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

~

Eddie and Steve were having a quiet walk about town, holding hands and talking softly to each other sweet things.

Or that’s how it looked on the outside.

They were actually on the hunt. Wayne had been teaching Eddie how to hunt like vampire the last two years, and Steve was learning how to hunt as a werewolf and not just as a man in a wolf suit from Nancy.

What were they hunting? The manticore. Steve’s stronger sense of smell would help them track the beast down, while Eddie’s extensive knowledge of its habits and haunts would narrow down where to look.

People often assumed that Eddie was bad at facts and dates but he wasn’t. He was actually pretty good at them, his problem in school was not doing the homework. He would ace every test, he’d just forget to turn in his assignments.

Hell, his first senior year got one of the Hellfire Club members mad at him because he scored in the top ten percent of the nation on a portion of the SAT. She was averaging an A- average in the class they shared together and thought that that meant she should have gotten in the top ten percent of nation instead of him. To say that things soured between them after that was an understatement.

All this to say that Eddie was smart. Smarter than people gave him credit for and not just how he figured out the meaning behind Patrick’s attack. He knew people. Differently then the way Steve knew people, but still he was clever and quick witted.

Eddie stopped in his tracks and jutted his chin across the street. “Isn’t that Jason Carver?”

Steve looked where he was indicating and frowned. “I thought your uncle said he was sick. What’s he doing in town?”

“Uncle Wayne’s been saying that Jason is becoming more and more withdrawn since Patrick was attacked,” Eddie explained. “He thinks he might have recommend Jason be brought to the full extent of the law, which is something Uncle Wayne really isn’t looking forward to.”

“But we’re trying to find Patrick’s attacker!” Steve protested. “I thought he would be happier that we’re trying to get justice for his friend.”

Eddie frowned, the crease between his eyebrows deepened. “I think his hatred of werewolves and vampires goes deeper than his sense of justice for his friend.”

Steve shook his head. That just couldn’t be true. He knew Jason from basketball. You wouldn’t be able to find a boy more loyal to his friends than Jason Carver. But he raised his head and looked Eddie in the eye and knew. Jason had only showed him his good qualities because they were equals.

Eddie had seen the worst of the other boy. The sneering viciousness beneath the veneer of civility that he showed to those he thought lesser than him.

“We need to find the manticore before he breaks his masters bonds,” Steve whispered. “I’m more concerned what an unbound creature like that could do to this town, over someone like Jason.”

Eddie watched Jason for a moment more. The other teen did not seem to be up to anything nefarious, other than lying to Uncle Wayne, so he nodded.

But the hairs on the back of his neck prickled and the hairs on his arm stood up on end. There was a predator here. He looked around him.

“Babe?” Steve asked, reaching out to touch his elbow. “What wrong?”

“What do you smell just now?” he asked, searching the shadows.

Steve stilled. He scented the air. The wind was changing, but there!

“It’s a sharp metal tang in the air,” he murmured. “Like the scent of dried blood. It’s acrid.” He wrinkled his nose. “Foul.”

Eddie nodded. “That’s what I scented too, but now it’s gone. Whatever it was, though. It was not the manticore.”

Steve shook off a shiver that slid down his spine. “It was werewolf. But not one in my pack.”

“Banished you think?” Eddie asked as the wind shifted to carry the scent away from them. He could still feel the uneasy feeling down the pads of his feet. Whoever was out there was dangerous.

Steve tugged on his sleeve. “Let’s get out of here. There’s nothing else we can do today. The rogue werewolf would have sent the manticore aground.”

Eddie nodded, the cat sìth was probably hiding the manticore’s scent anyway. “We need to talk to Wayne.”

~

Wayne listened intently to their report, soaking in everything they told him. He sat back and thought through it all.

“I think I know who the Banished you smelled in town is,” he said quietly. He handed Eddie the file he’d gotten from Sam and waited.

“Dr. Alexei Oborin,” Eddie read aloud. “That’s Nancy’s werewolf, right? The one she was sure caused a stir when she was little.”

Steve frowned. “She hasn’t told me anything about that.”

Wayne nodded like he wasn’t surprised. “She was waiting to see what that file contained. But I’m leaving it up to you if you want to share it with her. It’s has some pretty gruesome stuff.”

Steve nodded absently as he read over Eddie’s shoulder, the other man waiting until he was done before turning to the next page. No matter how much longer it took Steve than Eddie.

“The name of his bondmate is blacked out,” he said with that little frown of his that made Eddie want to bite him between the eyebrows for being too cute. “Do we know why?”

Wayne shook his head. “I’ve already pressed my source pretty hard to get the file. He could get fired if he doesn’t return it in a week.”

Eddie and Steve shared a glance, but wisely said nothing.

“They were teenagers who were camping out in the woods near the pack compound,” Steve read. He frowned. “That’s strange.”

Eddie and Wayne’s heads snapped his direction.

“Look at the location of the two girls bodies...” he pulled out the photo in file and turned it to face Wayne.

Wayne looked at the picture and then back up at him. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be looking at, if I’m honest here, Steve.”

“It’s something I learned recently from Nancy,” he replied. “I don’t fight like a wolf in wolf form. I don’t go for the jugular for example because I know as human how easy it is for a human to throw up their arms to protect that area of the body. I knock them over first and press my weight on their chest to make it harder for them to do just that.”

Eddie frowned, but Wayne looked back down at the photo.

“Shit!”

The arms and upper torso were torn to shreds, the way you would expect from a wolf attack, but the bodies themselves were arranged to make it look it was the work of a crazed werewolf. Like something straight out of a horror movie.

“Someone moved the bodies?” Eddie reasoned. “But why would Alexei do that if he thought the kids were hunters? There would be no reason to. It was supposedly self-defense.”

“Unless it wasn’t,” Wayne said, continuing his nephew’s thought. “What if the bondmate came and rearranged the bodies to plead insanity on Alexei’s behalf?”

Steve nodded. “And then when that didn’t work, they claimed that the kids were hunters.”

Wayne rubbed at the stubble on his chin wishing, not for the first time, that he had been changed with a clean shaven face.

“That make sense.”

Eddie closed the file and looked on the front of the folder. “VHS? Video Home System?” He tilted his head to the side.

Wayne snorted, then giggled. Suddenly the stoic vampire was laughing so hard, tears of blood rolled down his cheeks. He took out a handkerchief and wiped away the tears.

“No, no,” he said around his feral grin. “It stands for The Van Helsing Society. But, dear god, I am going to use that on that bastard the next time I saw him.”

“As in Abraham Van Helsing?” Eddie asked, his eyes wide. “From Dracula?” He scooted forward to the edge of his seat.

Wayne nodded, still grinning. “The first name was changed but Van Helsing was a real person. Karl Van Helsing was the first to come up with the first policing body for supernatural beings. After the incident in London, it was pretty clear that people were going to start noticing that supernatural beings existed and he came up with The Van Helsing Society.”

“Pretty arrogant of him to name it after himself,” Steve huffed, rolling his eyes.

Eddie scoffed, throwing himself back against the sofa cushions. “Says the alpha of the Harrington pack.” Then he shook his head and muttered. “It had to be fucking cops.”

Steve just shrugged. “I never said that was also arrogant. I never understood why it wasn’t called the Hawkins Pack or Roane Pack considering being alpha isn’t hereditary.”

Wayne smiled at Steve. He had always liked him since he was a young boy learning that his parents had died. But he was really starting to like the man that boy had become, too. Because it was ridiculous that the pack hadn’t been named after the town or county it resided in.

“They are far more than just cops, Ed,” he warned. “They are a powerful group with abilities all their own. Crossing one of the Society isn’t the same as crossing a mortal or even supernatural cop, like Hopper. They are protected against possession, hypnotism, and even enthrallment.”

“Are they all descendants of the original dude?” Steve asked, pressing even closer to Eddie on the sofa. He didn’t like the sound of these supernatural cops either. Because where were they when he was being abused by the Franklins. He couldn’t even remember the night he first changed. He only remembered when he came to and he and Wayne were burying their bodies. He was just so grateful that the abuse was over that he really didn’t think of why.

But Wayne was shaking his head. “According to the records the last Van Helsing died during the oiliphéist riots of 1922 in Ireland.”

“That’s too bad,” Eddie said, cocking his head to the side. “As anti-vampire as the name has become a symbol of these days, I would still have liked to have met one of his descendants.”

Wayne chuckled and shook his head. “I’ve had the pleasure only once. Greta Van Helsing in 1871. She was a spitfire to say the least.”

Eddie ran his hands over his face. “Please tell me you didn’t fuck her...” he moaned.

“Not on your life,” Wayne huffed. “Even if she was immune to the whole agents and supes producing unhinged offspring, she was a lesbian and won’t have even spared me a glance.”

“Unhinged as in cool super powers, unhinged?” Eddie asked, lowering his hands from his face. “Or mental asylum unhinged?”

“Sadly the latter,” Wayne said mournfully. “The magic that they use to protect themselves from being controlled does nasty things to the natural magics supernatural beings are made of.”

“But Van Helsings were immune?” Steve asked, still pressed to Eddie’s side.

Wayne nodded. “Probably because like most things in nature needing a balance, the Van Helsings were naturally the balance to the supernatural creatures of the world. There are probably other families just like them, but Van Helsings are merely the most notable.”

“Makes sense,” Eddie said, taking Steve’s hand and giving it a squeeze. He could tell this talk of the Van Helsings was making him upset.

“In other news,” he said, “The Hughes, the Hollands, the Martins, and the Camerons are all willing to send in guards for Steve.”

“I wasn’t aware the Camerons were supernatural,” Wayne said rubbing his chin. “What are they?”

“Louie Cameron is a selkie, and Debra Cameron is a siren,” he explained. “Making their daughter Vickie one hell of a strong supe.”

Steve sat there with this confused pout on his face. “Guards? Why would I need guards?”

“I don’t trust the Pack right now,” Wayne replied. “There is more going on in that pack then meets the eye and I can’t be everywhere. Especially with Jason causing trouble in town. Patrick tried to warn me early on that Jason would try something like this, but I wanted to believe that there was good in their somewhere.”

Steve’s expression shuttered to a blank mask. “What do I do?”

“Just start hanging out with me and the others outside of the compound,” Eddie said, squeezing Steve’s hand again and covering it with his other hand.

“Okay,” he breathed. They were right, as much as Nancy wanted him to further integrate into the Pack, he needed to be on the outside to see what was going on and understand it.

And he knew the best way to do it, but it was going to take a lot of convincing. But he was up for the job.

~

Notes:

oilipheists are sea monsters from Ireland.

Cameron is the last name I gave Vickie from season four.

And the SAT (a test to determine how well you've learned your lessons over the course of the year not the college one) thing happened to me. I was doing poorly in English because of the stupid correcting sentences for grammar and punctuation bullshit (there is a very good reason I use betas) but when the results came back I got top ten in the NATION for reading comprehension. My friend in the class who getting A's in that class was so mad it wasn't her that she legit stopped talking to me because she was that sure I cheated.

Tag List: FOURTEEN SLOTS REMAINING

Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi

3- @fullpoetrybread @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookworm0690 @littlewildflowerkitten @just-a-tiny-void @potato-of-the-lord @thelittleclare

5- @goosesister @tinyplanet95 @she-collects-smut @irregular-child @y4r3luv

6- @fairytalesreality @anaibis @papergrenade @ravenfrog @blondie1006 @dreamercec

7- @thedragonsaunt @sadisticaltarts @kultiras @blackpanzy @disrespectedgoatman

8- @kal-ology

[pollymorgan]

Teacher Negan - The Football Game - Part 5

Warnings: Of course, there's still a big age difference and Negan is an asshole. Smut!

-Several months later-

I am probably the only student in the entire school who looks forward to Monday every time. Even though the classes before my sports block are always a little torture and never seem to end. But I am rewarded for my patience. After the double lesson, Negan and I always spend a good hour together, secretly. Every time I sneak back into the hall, where he impatiently waits for me.

Otherwise, we only see each other occasionally by chance on the schoolyard or in the hallway, and every time I feel this incredible tingling in my stomach. By now, I have to admit to myself, I am incredibly in love with him. Even though I tried to suppress it for so long.

My evenings, or rather nights, are often spent playing online games with Negan, while we talk for hours on the phone and discuss everything possible.

Only two topics we successfully avoid. Firstly, his wife and secondly, what this whole thing between us is or could become.

It was also on one of those late evenings when he suggested that I join the cheerleading group, whose football team he coached in his free time.

"Me? A cheerleader?" I asked in surprise into the speaker of my phone, while the situation on the PlayStation was getting pretty intense.

"Of course, you are super athletic and phenomenally beautiful!" he stated without hesitation.

I laughed, "So that's what you're into? Bouncing girls in short skirts?"

"No, I'm into you ... bouncing in a short skirt..." he stated and added "...even if it won't be easy for me to train the guys with a constant hard-on, but the main thing is that we can see each other more often."

So it happened that I really became a cheerleader, and surprisingly, I even had a lot of fun. Not only because I could see Negan more often, but also because the other players and cheerleaders were really nice.

After a while, our team was so good that we planned our first away game. It was so far from our hometown that we rented a bus and planned to stay in a hostel afterwards.

Everyone was pretty nervous and trained hard. The boys, as well as us girls. Even Negan could be seen tensing up as the game approached. Because if there's one thing he absolutely hates, it's embarrassing himself. So he put a lot of pressure on the players during training.

But his worry was unfounded. We won our first away game, and we won big. The joy was immense.

-The evening after the game-

Together we enter our small accommodation, which more resembles a youth hostel than a hotel. We never thought our team would actually win, so the mood was very high.

We settle into our rooms and agree to meet in the common room right after to celebrate the victory. I share my hotel room with Layla. She is also a cheerleader and a few years older than me. I am once again the youngest, but by now, I don't mind. We get along great, and she has become like my best friend. I trust her, and we tell each other everything, well, almost everything, I can't tell her about Negan, which is really hard. After all, he is constantly on my mind.

After freshening up a bit, we head to the common room with the others. It consists of a few seats, a large TV, and a foosball table.

As soon as I enter the room, I look around, but Negan is not here. As I scan the room with my eyes, I see Liam fixating his gaze on me and interrupting his conversation. Liam is a pretty good player on the team, and I have noticed that he has been seeking my attention for some time, which doesn't bother me because he is really funny and considerate. I enjoy spending time with him - of course, only as friends.

Suddenly, he jumps up and stands right in front of me, "Want to go outside for a smoke?" he asks with a smile on his lips.

I shrug nonchalantly, "Sure, why not?"

So we walk down the narrow hallway, at the end of which is a tiny balcony that can only accommodate 3-4 people. Together we step out onto it, and Liam immediately holds out his pack of cigarettes. I gratefully take one and let him light it for me. After the first deep drag, I smile, "Thanks for a great game!"

He grins somewhat embarrassed and waves it off, "Oh, that was a team effort..."

"Don't be so modest!" I encourage him and tap his shoulder, feeling how his confidence is boosted even more.

"Well, you also cheered us on pretty well, so we can only be motivated..." he states, and I notice how he comes much closer to me, "I'm really glad you're here..." he adds in a soft voice.

Speechless, I look at him, as I hadn't expected the conversation to take this turn so quickly.

Suddenly, I startle as the silence is interrupted by the opening of the balcony door.

My heart races even higher when Negan suddenly stands right next to us. He must have just come out of the shower, as his hair is still slightly damp and a wonderful scent of soap and aftershave surrounds him.

Instinctively, I move away slightly from Liam, which is not easy on this small balcony. After all, the three of us are quite cramped.

Without saying anything, Negan snatches the cigarette from my hand and puts it in his mouth. He holds it between his lips and addresses Liam in an annoyed tone, "What's wrong with you?! No cigarettes for minors."

Liam raises his hands in resignation, "Coach, Sam is not a kid anymore... she's almost 19."

"Exactly, almost 19 means 18! So, three damn years until she's 21... or have you become too stupid to do math because all the blood has rushed elsewhere in your head?" he asks calmly.

Liam stutters slightly, "That... that's really not fair," and I have to try not to laugh.

Negan is definitely jealous!

I've experienced a few situations where I thought he was, but always convinced myself that I was imagining things. But now the whole situation is pretty clear, and I secretly enjoy it because it shows me that he really cares about me.

"That's not fair," Negan mimics him.

Offended, Liam shakes his head and extinguishes his cigarette on the wall beside him.

"I'm going back inside, are you coming, Sam?" he asks me, trying to ignore Negan as best as he can.

I briefly catch Negan's gaze and say uncertainly, "Oh... um... you go ahead... I'll be right there... the fresh air is really nice right now."

Annoyed, Liam leaves the balcony, and Negan silently watches through the window as he walks down the long hallway. As soon as he disappears from sight, Negan turns to me.

"That sleazy guy is trying to get in your pants!" he exclaims.

"Mh, could be..." I say, unfazed.

Negan looks at the long hallway once more, and when he sees that no one is there, he pulls me close and kisses my lips.

Slightly surprised by the risky move, it takes me a few seconds to respond to the kiss. But now I don't want to let go of his lips at all. It feels so good to finally feel him again. Seeing him constantly but not being able to touch him is really torture for me.

As we separate, I wipe my lipstick from his mouth.

"Pretty risky, don't you think?" I remark.

He looks at me with a broad grin, "I know how these daring actions make you wet, don't I? And besides, I had to make it clear who you belong to, my sweet! Oh, I have something for you..."

"For me?" my smile turns into a questioning look.

I watch in amazement as he pulls a small black box from his jeans and opens it skillfully. Inside is a delicate golden chain with a small heart pendant featuring a sparkling blue stone. My heart starts to race. Negan has never given me anything, not even flowers. And now he's standing there with a beautiful necklace in his hand.

"I saw it and immediately thought of you... so, what do you say? Do you like it?" he asks.

I take a deep breath and try to hold back my tears with all my might. Quickly, I take a critical look towards the hallway, and when I see that no one is there, I wrap my arms around him.

"You didn't have to do this, it's beautiful..." my words rush out before I kiss him.

-Several hours later-

Some guys are sitting in front of the TV watching some sports show, while the rest of us are gathered around a large table, engaging in lively conversation over a few beers.

Everyone is in this small common room, except Negan.

I catch myself playing with my new necklace and thinking about him. Suddenly, I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Liam loudly announces, "Okay, guys, spin the bottle!"

Everyone cheers, but I ask somewhat annoyed, "Are you serious, isn't that a bit silly?"

But everyone protests, so I resign myself to my fate, and we start the game.

After a few rounds with typical tasks and questions, the door suddenly opens, and Negan walks in.

Some startle and try to hide the hard liquor. Even my heart pumps, but for different reasons, suddenly very strongly.

"I'm officially off duty, so if anyone starts crying because they miss their mommy or gets a paper cut, please don't come to me... and anything else you plan on doing tonight, I don't care..." With this announcement, he grabs a full beer from our table and briefly catches my eye before opening the bottle on the edge of the table and sitting down with a few other guys in front of the TV.

Now I can only see his back.

"Let's continue!" someone suddenly interrupts the silence at the table, "Whoever the bottle points to, has to kiss their neighbor, whether it's the left or right one, they can decide!"

The bottle is spun with full force, and of course, this time it points to me.

"Haha... Sam!" everyone cries out excitedly, and I immediately look to Negan, who discreetly turns around and looks at us. To my left is Liam, and to my right is Layla. I playfully take my time with my decision, even though it's clear from the start. After some hesitation, I slowly lean in towards Layla and take her chin between my fingers. We grin at each other before locking eyes and our lips gently touch. I feel her tongue lightly press against my lips, which initially startles me, but it actually feels quite good, and the thought that Negan is watching us closely spurs me on even more. I let my tongue cautiously explore hers, and the kiss becomes more intimate, with the comments around us getting louder. We take our time exploring each other's mouths hesitantly. Only then do I slowly pull away and give her a loud smack on her full lips as a final touch.

I pause for a moment and look at Negan, who is just turning back to the TV.

"Whoever the bottle points to has to reveal the most unusual place they've had sex..." I say after a brief pause and spin the bottle.

But I don't get to hear the answer because my phone vibrates in my lap. Curious, I look at the display and see a text from "Mister N." My heart skips a beat. I glance at him, but can only see his back. Eagerly, I lean back, making sure no one can see my screen.

"You naughty girl! 🔥" I read and quickly respond.

"Didn't you enjoy the little show? 😉"

"I can't say no. 😉 I just have some worry about leaving you alone with Layla tonight after what I just saw!"

"Don't worry! My pussy belongs only to you! And she misses you so much..🥺"

"I miss her too! How much I would love to run my mouth over her right now and catch every sweet drop with my tongue... I know how much you love that, right?..."

We exchange a few more messages back and forth, even though we are sitting just a few meters away from each other. Each message from him makes my lower body tingle more and my throat gets drier.

-Later in the hotel room-

Layla is already pretty out in bed, while I disappear into the bathroom. When I step out of the shower, I am wearing nothing but Negan's necklace. I look at myself in the mirror, then pick up my phone from the edge of the sink and quickly take a selfie covering my nipples.

"The necklace is so beautiful! 😍" I type underneath and nervously send it to Negan.

My heart is pounding wildly as I brush my hair and keep glancing at the screen. But there is no response. Is he already asleep? I put on my pajamas, and as I'm about to pull the top over my head, I hear the reassuring sound of my vibrating phone.

"Damn, sweetheart. That's not the only thing beautiful in the photo! 💕 Do you know how much I love your enchanting titties? Come on, show me more of them!" he texts.

Unconsciously, I smile immediately and after a few seconds of hesitation, I pull the straps of my top down, fully exposing my breasts, and once again set the camera function on my phone. I take a few photos and quickly choose one to send to Negan.

"Sweetheart, you are way too good to me! Can you imagine how rock hard my cock is right now because of you?"

I type, "No, show it to me, please!" on my phone, and as I send the message, my cheeks glow so much that I feel they might burst any moment.

It doesn't take long before I actually receive a picture of his hard arousal. I never thought something like this would turn me on, but with Negan, it's different. I instinctively squeeze my legs together and bite my lower lip.

"I really want him deep inside me right now..." I type back.

"That's all I can think about right now, damn! We should sleep now, my sweet! The sooner we can be close again..." he writes.

"You're right... pleasant dreams!" I reply, already missing him terribly in that moment. Disappointed, I set my phone aside and put my clothes back on. Then I step out of the small bathroom and, just as I'm about to say something to Layla to distract myself, I open the door. But she doesn't react. Confused, I look at the bed and see her sleeping peacefully.

"Hey Layla?" I ask a bit louder, but there's no response. I look at her once more and make sure she's really fast asleep. Then, quietly, I leave the hotel room and tiptoe barefoot down the hallway. Feeling slightly disoriented, I look at the room numbers on the doors. Of course, I remember Negan's room number. As I get closer to the number, I feel my body pumping with adrenaline. Finally, standing right in front of it, I hesitate for a moment. The risk is quite high. But then I timidly knock on Negan's door, not sure what makes my heart beat faster - the fear of getting caught or the excitement of being able to embrace Negan in my arms.

In the dark hallway, clad in a short pajama shorts and the matching tank top, I look around anxiously. Eventually, I hear movement behind the door and the doorknob turning, sending even more adrenaline rushing through my veins. I try to appear as calm as possible as Negan opens the door a crack and looks me up and down, his grin growing wider with every passing second.

I, too, let my eyes wander. He's wearing only dark gray boxers. Unconsciously, I bite my lower lip as my eyes travel over his slim, defined upper body. His dark chest hair and tattoos make him even more attractive.

On Mondays, after sports, I don't often get the chance to admire him like this. Everything always has to be quick, and we only take off the essentials, so I savor this sight even more. I take a deep breath and meet his gaze once again.

Innocently and softly, I say, "Mr. Smith, I can't fall asleep..."

He slowly licks his lips, and his dark eyes begin to sparkle. Leaning casually against the door frame with one arm, he asks, "Oh, my poor girl, what can I do for you?"

A smile tugs at my lips, and I try to keep my composure and stay in my role. Nervously, I nibble on the fingernail of my right thumb.

"Could you maybe... fuck me hard?" I ask in a pleading tone.

He grabs my wrist firmly and pulls me into his room with a swift motion. As soon as he closes the door, he presses my back firmly against it and starts kissing me passionately.

"I've been wanting to do this the whole damn time," he whispers into my open mouth, just before our tongues meet again.

His tall body presses against mine, and only the thin fabric of my pajamas prevents me from feeling his skin against mine. His right hand travels from my cheek, over my neck, to my shoulder. Skillfully, he takes hold of the strap of my top and slowly pulls it down, fully exposing my left breast. I let out a soft moan as he takes it in his large hand and massages it with considerable pressure. My nipple is caught between his index and middle fingers, and his firm grasp makes it harden. His more dominant touches, which I have yearned for, send a warm sensation directly to my lower abdomen.

"We don't have much time! I want you deep inside me. Please, Negan, I need your hard cock..." I beg him softly. This is not only the absolute truth, but I also know how much he enjoys it when I ask him like this.

With a satisfied grin, he leans his upper body back a bit and lets his dark, sparkling eyes roam over my body.

"You look like a sweet angel, but such dirty words come out of your mouth... My dear, you have no idea how incredible you are! Come on, get on the bed, but undress completely first," he says, smiling, taking a step back to make room for me.

I look at him and remove my top. The way he looks at me with so much desire excites me even more. Slowly, I also rid myself of my shorts and panties, standing completely naked in front of him. Then, I confidently walk past him. His intense gaze feels like it's physically touching me. I'm just about to sit on the bed when he speaks up.

"Oh no, get on all fours... Show me your sweet ass..."

His direct command makes my pussy twitch, and I know he enjoys the fact that I immediately obey his command. So, without hesitation, I turn around and climb onto his bed, ending up in the middle. I stretch out my bottom even more, feeling Negan getting behind me. He places his hand on my back and firmly presses my upper body down. My face presses into the pillow as I grip the sheets tightly.

I feel his teeth on my right buttock and his beard scratching against my skin. It sends a shiver down my spine, and I can sense his warm breath on my sensitive skin. I can tell he's grinning from my reaction. Then, his hand glides lightly along my inner thigh, moving higher, causing me to spread my legs a bit more. Just before reaching my most intimate area, he pauses and then moves back down. Disappointed, I let out a protest.

"What's wrong, my dear?" he asks mockingly.

"Touch my pussy, please..." I plead in a whispering tone.

He immediately grabs both cheeks of my bottom and pulls them wide apart.

"Oh man, you're practically dripping..." he states contently, "... you look so damn hot..". With those words, he buries his face between my legs. His warm tongue leisurely licks through my slit, catching every drop until he reaches my entrance. Slowly, he penetrates me.

Everything in me tightens, my body trembles under his touch as if I'm about to explode.

"Negan, that feels so good..." I moan softly.

With a gentle kiss right on my center, he pulls back.

After giving me a rather hard slap, he then digs his fingers into my butt firmly.

My whole body is addicted to him, to his touch, his tongue, his voice. I want him so badly.

"I want you inside me..." I say, unable to think of anything else.

"First, show me where you want my hard cock, my dear. Come in with your fingers..." he instructs. "I want to see them disappear into your sweet wet pussy."

Without hesitation, I move my hand between my legs and moisten my index and middle fingers with my arousal before sliding them inside me.

"So good..." Negan whispers behind me. Then, I feel him slowly press his index finger into me as well, widening me further. Once his finger is fully inside me, he starts massaging my swollen clitoris with his thumb. My moans grow louder with each passing moment. His index finger is pressed closely to mine inside me, and the more he massages my clit, the more everything inside me tightens, a sensation we both feel clearly.

"Do you feel how good you are...? So damn warm and tight..." he murmurs.

"I'm going to come, Negan..." I pant.

"I know, my dear, I know... come while our fingers are inside you..."

His rubbing on my clit intensifies, and I can barely hold myself up on my knees. My legs tremble as I experience such a powerful orgasm that it takes my breath away.

[waywardsou2]

Drunk!Logan X Drunk!MaleReader: Part 3

I kid you not I rewrote this 4 fucking times before I was happy with it. But it's finally here. So enjoy. It's a bit of a slow burn I will say but stick with me. We will get there soon enough

@oktcunez @fictionallymarried @a-short-ass-disappointment @generalgoldfishldrm @moth-eats-paper

Summary: A week had gone by and you were ignoring Logan. It was for the best. The less space you took up the better it would be for everyone. But Logan didn't agree.

Word Count: 1.2k+

Tags: comfort, fluff, arguing, Corney family crap, platonic (for now)

A week goes by and you do your best to ignore Logan. Keeping your head down, completing your tasks and trying to stay as busy as possible by working with the children. Helping them to adjust to their new life. To get a handle on their powers or just keep them company in a strange but welcoming environment.

You saw Logan often, teaching his history class and walking about the halls. You caught him looking at you on multiple occasions but you either started him down or made your way out of his line of sight.

What had happened between the two of you had created a rift. How that was possible when there was nothing to disrupt in the first place you didn't know. But there was tension between you two. Anytime you are in the same vicinity the tension was so thin you could have cut it was a butter knife.

You just hoped he didn't plan on confronting you about it. You could deal with this uncomfortable mess between the two of you, but you couldn't deal with what would come if you tried to unpack what happened.

Much to your frustration you think about that night often. Regretting the entire night and every choice you made since.

It's not like you wanted to avoid Logan, but you had been such an emotional idiot you couldn't stand to be around him. You were embarrassed for yourself, everything that happened that night was never have supposed to come out. No one was ever supposed to see you angry and resentful like that. No one was supposed to get close to you. If they did you always ended up hurting them. And no one was supposed to know about your past or what happened to you.

Those were your rules. They kept you safe.

But your shell had been cracked. And Logan knows, he doesn't know every thing. But he knows more than you wanted anyone to know.

Another day goes by and after you help usher the children to bed you head outside to the gardens.

You hadn't been sleeping well so most nights you wandered about the garden. Not making it inside until the first days light had already started to illuminate and lift the veil of night.

Logan had noticed too, every night for the last week he'd listen to you walk around the halls and outside. Hear the click of the door and your foots steps down the concrete. He knew he shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that, but after the bar he didn't trust you to be alone.

At first he was apprehensive, believed you were repeating the actions of that night when no one was around. But that wasn't the case. You seemed more calm when you were outside. Often just standing out in the wind. Letting your hair get blown about your face.

He kept his distance, he knew you didn't want to talk to him. That much was clear. And he realised now how far he might have overstepped.

But for some reason tonight was different. After watching you for a while, he saw as you sit down on the stone edge of the fountain. You looked peaceful, the most relaxed he had seen you...ever.

He needed to talk to you about what happened that night.

So he followed you outside and approached you as you sat on the fountain.

You heard as someone walked down the steps to the garden and you groaned internally as you watched Logan walk towards you. The time had come, you were going to have to talk about your fuck up from the other night. You watched and waited as he approached you and sat down a respectable distance from you.

"Come to talk to me now that you're sure I'm sober?" you ask pettily

"I came to see if you were ok" he said, deciding to ignore your snark.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"So painting walls with blood is a past time of yours then?" he counters you

You roll your eyes "Logan what do you want? You wouldn't leave me alone at the bar and then you followed me down the alley and now after a week of me ignoring you, you come back to check in on me"

"I told you, I wanted to see if you were ok"

"And I told you I'm fine. End of discussion"

"Someone who's fine doesn't act the way you do"

"Oh yeah? Because you know me so well"

"I know that people who are fine don't go around punching walls, I know that someone who's fine doesn't stay up until the AM without sleeping for days at a time. I know someone who's fine doesn't spend every waking moment trying to keep themselves busy"

How did he know you had been staying up at night? Has he been watching you more than you thought?

"Ah I see, we'll I guess you've got me figured out then, why do you even need to ask me?" you were getting irritated, you had never met someone more persistent or patient than Logan. Most people would have socked you one or deemed you a lost cause by now.

"I don't actually, and that's the point. I need to know that you are ok"

"Why? Why do you care so much about me?"

"Because everyone at the school brings with them some heavy baggage. And I'm guessing you are no different. But unlike everyone else here you haven't found a single person to stick by. Jean has Scott, Kurt has Storm, and Rouge has Billy. But you keep your distance"

"So? Maybe I'm just better off alone"

"If that were the case you wouldn't be here"

You knew he was right, if you had been so great on your own then you would still be roaming the streets living off charity and keeping your head down from soldiers still looking for you.

"I just- people don't want me around. So if I don't have to take up space, I won't. It's easier when I can go about my business unnoticed. I don't disturb anyone"

Logan's brows furrowed, why come here then if you didn't want to be around people?

"But that plan went out the window at the bar that night"

And then it clicked, the reason you were quiet, hardly ever collaborated on missions and were avoiding Logan all this time. You were avoiding him, not because you actually wanted to, but because you believe that you would be a bother if you were around him. You were angry that your emotions had gotten the better of you, and believe that you would be less of a burden by staying out of Logan's way so that he could forget about it.

"You don't have to push people away, in the X Men we care for each other. Like a Corney rom com type family. And you are not the exception"

Logan's words gave you a pang right next to your heart. It had been longer than you could remember that someone had shown such genuine care and compassion. Even if Logan articulated it strangely, the message got through. And you felt touched. You heart swelled and so did your eyes as tears resurfaced in them.

As you stayed silent Logan couldn't tell how you were taking his words so he assumed he had overstayed his welcome. He stood up and began to walk away, as he turned away the words climbed up your throat and you called after him.

"Logan!... Thank you"

He smiled and nodded his head and made his way back into the mansion.

And so began your unlikely friendship with The Wolverine

Here we go! We are slowly getting somewhere. If you would like to be notified of future chapters follow me and comment asking to join the tags.

I also take requests so shoot me an ask if you have something in particular you would like to see.

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 19

Blurb (More BTC): “Baby you’re stressed- I hear it in your voice let’s go have a cigarette mm?” I gently touch his shoulder and he rolled it to get me to stop  “Jesus y’fucking needy. I said no! I fuckin quit, ok? Do you need me to say it 3 fucking times so that you remember I told you? I quit. I fucking quit, okay? has it sunk into your fuckin memory? Ok, good Now get out of my fuckin face. There’s no available seats, and I don’t have time to fuck around and listen t’you talk about bull” he went right back to plating the food and my mouth drops a bit.

♡ Chapter Inspo: "You're Losing Me" - Taylor Swift ♡ Summary: Carmy is dead set on getting a star because he thinks it will assure Syd will stay at the restaurant. Winnie is sick and tired of his attitude lately ♡ W/C: 11.1K+ ♡ A/N: Hello everyone !!! It has been a while since we have visited Carmy and Winnie! Most of you are new here, I don't think i've posted a TB&HH chapter since I had like 100 something followers? Anyhow, this is my OC fic! I hope you enjoy it. You can find the landing page right here if you'd like to read from the beginning / catch up on the last chapter By the way i'm still doing my 300 celebration blackout bingo if you wanted to send in a request! Or if none of those tickle your fancy I have a list of prompts, as well as my rules here on my masterlist! Or, If you just wanna talk i'm always here! ♡ Warnings for BTC: Swearing, Kinda verbally abusive behavior, Sad!Winnie, Alcohol/Drug use, Asshole!Carmy (thanks S3!!!)

♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 ♡ ➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡ ➵ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ♡ ➵ My 300 Follower Celebration Bingo! ➵ Catch up on Chapter 18!

It had been 3 weeks since Carmy had seen his mother. He had called Natalie back when he got out of the shower, and stood on the balcony for about 40 minutes chain smoking like a steam train while he spoke to her, and when he came back inside he just wanted to cuddle and watch cooking shows the rest of the day, to which considering the shit week he’d had and it was only Monday- was to be expected.  

After the bruise had gone down enough to be covered with makeup, he threw himself in to his work harder then I’d ever seen before. He would leave the house at 4:30, and not be back until midnight every night. And then, he would stay up until 2 playing around with new recipes and replating dishes over and over, thumping it into the garbage each time he felt it wasn’t just right. 

Something was…different with him lately. I assumed it was just the toll Donna’s harsh words were taking. But I missed my Carmy, my sweet bear. He had been so…short with me lately. He wasn’t texting as much, I hardly got an ‘I love you’ out of him most days, because I hardly exchanged more then 2 words with him. It was like living with a ghost, or a roommate that hated you. We hadn’t had sex since before the family dinner everything transpired, but that wasn’t even what got to me most. 

I figured he was just…distracted? I knew Carmy loves me, he wouldn’t be coming home every night if he didn’t. So that is why I had taken it upon myself to tell Richie to save me a table tonight and not tell Carmy, so I could surprise him and finally give him the absolutely adorable specially made crochet knife storage pouch that I’d even sewn fabric into and embroidered his initials on. I made sure to wrap it super pretty with navy blue ribbon and brown paper just like the colors of the restaurant before I headed down there. 

When I walked in I had a bright smile, I was so excited to see him and hopefully sneak a smoke break outside, it had been a while since we did that. I had even done my hair extra pretty for him, curled how he liked and put in one of my silky bows that matched what I’d wrapped around the present paper. I remembered when Carmy had told me that navy was his favorite color on me, and that it complimented my hair so well. I told him I would wear it more often cause it always brought out the blue in his pretty eyes which of course made him blush and smile one of his shy boyish smiles. 

“Cousin!” I chirp happily and wrap my arms around Richie “it’s been too long, how are you? Still got my seat?” I asked, he wrapped his arm around me a kissed the top of my head in that sweet, brotherly way. 

“Hey Shortstack, M’sorry we’ve been swamped- this might not be a good time f’you huh? Wanna come back another day?” He pat my back gently and I pulled away slightly, looking up at him 

“You mean Carmy is in a mood?” I ask and pout a bit. He gives me that look, and I sigh “I’m gonna go talk to him…he just needs a cigarette” I said and brushed off his objections, pushing open the door to the kitchen to see Carmy absolutely ripping Syd a new one, about what? I couldn’t be sure. 

“I fucking TOLD YOU, if it’s not PERFECT it doesn’t GO OUT. You have TWO emulsions on this plate, BOTH ARE SPLIT it’s GARBAGE “ he shouts, chucking the entire plate of food into the garbage that I truly didn’t see a problem with. As someone who came from a home where we had peanut butter bread for dinner at least twice a month, seeing him throw away such expensive food made me nearly twitch, and the tone of his voice made me cringe. 

“Carmy?” I held the wrapped present to my chest nervously, Syd looks at me, relief flashing in her eyes “why don’t we take a break?” I asked gently and go up to him, touching his hand and he pulls it away. He was angrily chomping on gum, and shook his head

“Not takin’ breaks anymore. What’s up, need somethin?” He asked, his tone nearly indifferent. I frowned  bit, eyes flicking to Tina who would usually be telling Carmy to be nicer to his girl, or Marcus who would be beckoning me over to try some sweet treat he’d been perfecting- but instead they were dead focused on their dishes. Like I wasn’t even there. 

“Babe, what do you mean? Cmon, let’s go smoke huh?” I gently rub his bicep and he shook his head again, grabbing a new plate from the stack of them beside his station 

“Refire! 2 wagyu- let’s pick up the goddamn pace we’re fucking behind!, chefs! Every second counts, heard?!” he calls out in a loud, grating, nearly barking voice. 

He was quickly met with a chorus of ‘yes chef’ and he got right back to plating some…thing? Without even a single glance to the woman he said he dreamed of being his wife. I didn't even know where I’d get started trying to guess what the little plate of flowers, and goop, and..some kind of meat? Would be. 

Well, all I knew is it was ‘fancy’ and if I didn’t like it- Richie would be really upset with me, and so would Carmy. Also, that Carmy needed a break, and soon or he’d blow his top. 

The food Carmy crafted when I saw him looked like barely a snack to me. Like - a single bite, and I told Carmy that, he used to chuckle and have me try it, but when I did lately he would get pissy and tell me I ‘don’t fucking get Haute Cuisine’ . 

But the fact he was just essentially ignoring me and my love for him and how I had gotten all pretty for him and came all the way here but he didn’t give a single shit  - it made me livid. He was really rubbing me wrong, lately . I had come out of my way to see him, and he couldn’t even take 10 minutes? 

“Baby you’re stressed- I hear it in your voice let’s go have a cigarette mm?” I gently touch his shoulder and he rolled it to get me to stop 

“Jesus y’fucking needy. I said no! I fuckin quit, ok? Do you need me to say it 3 fucking times so that you remember I told you? I quit. I fucking quit, okay? has it sunk Into your fuckin memory? Ok, good Now get out of my fuckin face. There’s no available seats, and I don’t have time to fuck around and listen t’you talk about bull” he went right back to plating the food and my mouth drops a bit.

I look up to search for Syd hopefully getting ready to yell at him for that, but she was over helping Tina with something. I swallowed thickly “do you want to maybe try that again? I don’t think I heard you correctly, Carmen” I kick his shoe lightly and he finally looks at me, fire lighting behind his eyes. I couldn’t believe that he was insulting me this way, something had to have crawled up his ass. “Because I know you didn’t just insult my memory knowing my situation. That would be really low, coming from you” I narrow my eyes in fury, the two of us staring eachother down like lions about to fight. 

He hadn’t ever dared to speak to me or treat me this way before. Ever since we’d met, he was all blushy smiles and sweet mumbled compliments. His demeanor would brighten, like his energy was being dialed up when I walked in a room. He’d practically trip over his own feet to come give me a sweet Carmy Bear hug. But lately it was as if I was fucking bothersome housefly. 

“I said” he dropped the long pair of tweezers he was using and took a deep breath, the vein in his forehead popping out and when he took a deep breath like he was about to scream I quickly said 

“Remember. Think. Think right now Carmen about the way you’re going to speak to me. Think really hard because I told you once and I’m not telling you again what happens if you ever raise your voice to me demeaningly- don’t fucking test me” I said and he narrowed his eyes, breathing deeper how he did when his top was about to blow. 

“Leave.” He said just above a whisper. I scoffed, blinking a few times not sure I believed what I heard. 

“Leave? You want me to leave? Since when have you ever not wanted me around” I asked “what has gotten into you, Bear? You’re hardly sleeping you’re- you’re-“ 

“WHAT THE FUCK COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW, WINNIE?! ALL YOU DO IS PUT GOD DAMN BOOKS ON A SHELF. AND THE REST OF THE TIME? YOU WHINE ABOUT YOUR DEAD FUCKING BROTHER. NEWSFLASH- YOU FUCKING PRISS - YOU ARENT THE ONLY ASSHOLE WHOS BROTHER DIED!! SO CAN YOU DO ME A SINGLE FAVOR? A SINGLE THING, WIN? CAN YOU NOT STRESS ME THE FUCK OUT FOR A SECOND AND  LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. UNTIL I TELL YOU OTHERWISE? LEAVE ME BE! YOU FUCKING NAG! CHRIST!!! ” He roared. His voice was so scary, so deep, so honest - tears started rolling down my cheeks before I could possibly stop them, and my lip wobbled as I held back hot, embarrassed tears.

Nat comes out of the back office “what’s going on-“ she flicked her eyes from Carmy over to me in the now silent kitchen. I didn’t even know who this is in front of me. But it’s not my Carmy, my Carmy would never willingly stab me in such a deep seeded wound, and then salt it right after by calling me a priss. I nearly choked on my tears, my heart racing and blood roaring in my ears. The same 3 words ringing in my ears 

He’s leaving you, he’s leaving you, he’s leaving you. 

“Carmen!” Nat snaps, “you can go fuck pal. What the fuck did she do to you?” She comes over to my shocked frame, heaving in breaths panicking worse then I did that night I’d met his mother. And hugged me gently, rubbing my arm 

“Go. Fucking GO get her out. I don’t need the dramatic, stupid sniveling” he brushed me roughly toward the door, without a care of the world I nearly tripped over my own feet. I was so upset, I could have thrown up on the floor if Nat didn’t give him a sharp glare as she basically carried me out while I sobbed. She rubbed my back gently as she tried to soothe me as much as she could.

“He’s so stressed, win, this is him blowing out because he’s scared about Jimmy cutting us off.” 

“S-sniveling?” I sobbed and Richie pushed open the door, pulling me into a big hug when we got outside “he- he said I talk too much about Chris” I choke sobbed into his jacket and he rubs my back gently, allowing me to cry as hard as I needed “he called me a priss Richie- w-why does he hate me now? What did I do?” I cry, my makeup streaming down my face in thick black streaks. 

“He’s a little bitch, he’s become a little fuckin tyrant since Syd said she wanted a star, honey. It’s nothing t’do with you” he coaxed, gently rubbing my back how he did for Eva when she was upset, hoping it would have the same effect but unfortunately for him my heart had just been ripped out and stomped on by Carm so it wasn’t doing much. 

“He- he knew what would happen I - I can’t. Oh god I don’t wanna break up why did he do this Richie” my voice horse and broken 

“What’ya mean hon, he’s not breakin up with you- kids fuckin whipped are you jokin’?” He said and I shook my head 

“I can’t - I - I can’t be with someone who’s abusive that way, Richie. I wish this never happened I - I wish I never came today oh god- oh god he’s gonna wanna come home later- can you- you- “ I choke back a sob, covering my mouth and squeezing my eyes shut at the realization. 

“Tell him not to come home” I pull away and wipe my face, handing him the crumpled present “and give him this. I don’t want it” before heading the 2 blocks home. He didn’t try to stop me, it was no use with the state that I was in. The only person that could calm me down like this is Sadie, and I felt I’ve disappointed her because what she said nearly a year ago now, ended up being true. Carmen Berzatto is an asshole, and he’s only going to end up hurting me. 

I stormed home, turning off my phone because I knew what I was supposed to do, and I didn’t want to be tempted to stop because people were asking me not to. I took 2 bong hits to calm down my breathing and stop crying finally, before wiping my makeup off and grabbing a box of trash bags. For the next two hours, I went around my apartment collecting any and everything that belonged to Carmy, or that I’d gotten him as a gift, and put them in to garbage bags. 

I had told him when we first started dating, that I no longer date men who yell at me, or hit me. I made sure to let him know it was the only time I’d tell him, but if he ever were to raise his voice to me in a mean way we’d be over without even having to say it. So to take it as my warning. And he should have, because I was sticking to my word. 

When I was done, I allowed myself to take an hours long steaming shower, and sob on my shower floor about everything. I couldn’t believe that Carmy had called me stupid essentially, made fun of my adhd and bad memory. That he had told me I talk too much about Chris when he knows the only way to keep your dead sibling alive is to share stories. Just like he did of Mikey, but I guess to him that street should only go one way. 

I truthfully didn’t even know who this man was. Cold, uncaring, nearly evil. I wanted to scream and sob and kick things and punch Carmy but also kiss him and I wanted to slap him for what he said but I also wanted him to hold me and whisper about how he loves me more then anything in this whole fucked up world between sloppy kisses he left all over my face and neck. I wanted to lay with him in the dark and stroke his forearm as he tells me about his irrational worries and I soothe him by telling him no matter what happens we do it together. 

Didn’t he love that? He said he loved that, that he loved me. But how could that be love? The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt Carmy, whenever I do even by accident the level of guilt I feel is immeasurable. But he so easily, so willingly hurt me about the single most painful thing in this world. Like I meant nothing to him at all. 

 I got into bed after getting into my favorite hello kitty pajamas, only to start sobbing again when all I could smell was him. I held his pillow, crying into it to stifle my sobs. 

It was a good 3 hours of sobbing before I gave myself such a bad migraine that I essentially conked out and was woken up to Persephone asking for her dinner long after the sun had gone down. “Gosh- I’m sorry honey dad-Carmy” I correct myself, feeling tears spring to my eyes again. “C-Carmy” I start to sob again, shaking my head and covering my face with my hands. Sephy jumps up on the bed, coming over and licking my forearm sweetly and I sniffled deeply, picking her up and stroking her fur as I kiss her head. 

“Carmy isn’t coming around anymore so I’ve been a little upset. M’sorry” I told her and got up, padding to the kitchen and putting on my glasses after wiping my eyes. I realized my phone was still sat powered off on the counter, so I took it turning it back on and grabbing her food for her while it powered up. I got my skincare globes out of the freezer, holding them to my puffy sore eyes, sighing softly In relief. 

I sat there for a moment enjoying the feeling of the cold compress when my phone started buzzing over, and over, and over as it loaded through all of the notifications from the day. I popped the globes back in the freezer, seeing the last 56 texts were from Carmy, on top of 17 missed calls and 3 voicemails. I clicked on the thread and to start, it was horrible 

-Fuckin really- you leave Richie with a gift to what, make me feel bad?

-Well guess what, I don’t so nice try. 

-That’s really fuckin embarassing, you told Richie to tell me not to come home?? How old are you, really. 

-Why wouldn’t I come home?? You’re being over dramatic. 

-What do you wanna break up over a petty fight???

And after I didn’t reply, it turned into 

-Fuck babe the pouch is really nice, I’m sorry. 

-Is that pouch what you’ve been working on lately? You did so good, princess it's so nice, I love you.

-I’m sorry angel, please pick up the phone :(

-Come on honey I’ll come home early and make you your special garbage plate, and bring you your chocolate cake yea?

-Winnie, really. I’m sorry baby, I love you, you know that. 

-I love you, pretty girl, please pick up the phone. 

-Ok so I can’t make it early but I’ll try not to be late, hm? we can cuddle and watch your show 

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I read through them. In response, instead of words, I simply send him a photo of the 4 trash bags tied up near the door along with the huge stack of cookbooks and hit send, opening my freezer once more to find something to eat. I settle on a frozen pizza that had been living in there a bit too long but when you have - had. A genius chef boyfriend, every night was something new and delicious so frozen pizza was always off the table. 

It wasn’t even 3 minutes before my phone was vibrating on the counter as a call came through, I look over and see the photo Sadie took of us at new years, big goofy 2024 glasses on Carmy and one of those large ‘happy new years’ sparkly headbands was on me, kissing out on her balcony with fireworks in the background as the clock struck midnight. I shook my head at the memory, deciding to just rip the bandaid now and I hit the green button, and hit the speaker button. 

It was silent other then the sounds of the kitchen dimming as he walked down the hallway to go outside. “Sweetheart?” He asked, as if he was amazed I answered - he should be. 

“No. Not anymore. When will you be by to pick up your shit?” I preheat the oven and grab my phone, going to sit in my bed while I wait for it to heat. 

“Baby. Come on Angel, don’t be like that mm? M’sorry, I really am babygirl I-“

“Stop! I - I’m not your baby or your angel, or your babygirl, anymore, Carmy. You fucking forfeited that the moment you yelled at me and told me I was fucking stupid and couldn’t remember anything and then- and-“ I took a deep shaking breath “and what you said about Chris? Fuck you. That’s what I wanted to say, Carmy. Fuck, you. Fuck you for making me fall so fucking far in love with you- just for you to turn around and ruin it. We had something so beautiful and-“

He cuts me off this time 

“Had. You’re gonna say we had something, Win? It’s been fucking not even a day can you hold the fuck on? Why are you throwing us away you know that we’re fucking-“ 

“What? Throwing us away? Tell me, Carmy. What did I say to you about dating men who yell” I said and he remained silent “say it.” I told him and he huffs. 

“You don’t date assholes that yell at you or hit you anymore because you learned that y’better than that” he muttered.

“Mmm. So what makes you special?” I asked, and out of everything I said that night that was a knife straight to his gut. He felt like it knocked the wind out of his lungs, because if anything at all- I made him special. I made him feel special. And for him to now believe that I no longer see him as such, what was he if not special to me? 

“Honey, baby- don’t- don’t do this” he said, the edge from his voice gone and replaced with that softness, that softness that only came with the real Carmy, my Carmy. 

“What makes you special?” I ask again, my voice shaking as I bit back more tears, although I wasn’t sure how I possibly had anymore left to cry given today. 

“You” he said barely above a whisper. I don’t know what I was expecting, it was more a rhetorical question for him to answer on his own- but that answer melted me to my core. 

“Come home right now and maybe we can talk about you earning your way back. Maybe.” I said and hung up. I sighed, sitting back and rubbing my face to rid it of tears. Suprisingly enough, it was only about 10 minutes until I heard a key in the door and a familiar 

“Honey?” 

I sit up in bed, wiping away stray tears to try and look strong as possible, but when he came in, all of that resolve crumbled. His eyes were bloodshot, he had to have been crying too. But how? In the back office? Did he really leave the kitchen to go cry? I could hardly believe that. “Honey” he said, nearly relieved that I was really there and sunk to his knees next to the bed in front of me, taking my hands and kissing them all over the backs 

“I’m sorry- I’m so so sorry, I’m so sorry pretty” he rests his forehead on the plush of my thigh, sighing softly and I resist the strong urge to detangle his curls from the day, something I hadn’t gotten the pleasure of doing in what felt like years but in reality was only a few weeks. 

“Sorry for what” I urge and he nuzzled his face in my tummy 

“M’sorry f’r being an asshole, and a bitch, and a piece of shit, and a horrible fuckin’ boyfriend” he mumbled, wrapping his arms around my waist like he’d never let go and kissing around my ribs and stomach “M’sorry honey. So so sorry. I love you” he repeated over and over, kissing different parts of me each time with slow, purposeful worshiping movements. 

“Do you really think that about me?” I asked, allowing myself to gently rest my hand on his back, rubbing at the tense muscle through his chefs coat. 

“Never. Never. That was so - so fucked baby. I regretted it the second I said it- I don’t even fucking know what’s wrong with me, I- I don’t” his voice cracks and he took a shakey breath “I don’t deserve you” he admits, his voice raw and honest. My hand trailed up, gently scratching at his scalp and that is when he breaks 

“It’s just so hard this is all so fuckin’ h-hard baby” it comes out in a sob, and I gently pull him to come lay with me. “I don’t deserve this I don’t deserve- fuck. I don’t deserve to feel good after what I said babe. I don’t deserve comfort” he shook his head and stood, tugging off his coat. “M’sorry- I need to fuckin get it together. M’sorry. It’s just- everything is shit babe. Please don’t come to the restaurant anymore, ok? It’s too much- everything is too much and it’s like peace comin home and seeing you. I don’t want you mixed up with it” he kisses the top of my head 

“Are we good?” He asked. I thought for a moment, swallowing thickly and sighing a bit. “Baby please” he plead, sitting down on the bed next to my legs and cupping my cheeks. 

“How can we be good if you won’t even let me hold you? You don’t even want me touching you lately , Carmy. Are you sure you’re still…” I bit my lip to keep it from wobbling “that you still want me?” I asked. A few stray tears fall down his cheeks and he pulls me to his chest, hugging me tightly and kissing the top of my head. 

“Baby- baby.” He whispered and rubbed my back gently “the only thing in this world that I’m sure of, is that I fucking want you. I want you more than I want the restaurant- I want you more then anything” he assured me, rocking me gently and kissing my cheeks. 

“Then why do you spend more time with the restaurant then with me?” I ask gently, hating that I was enjoying his coddling and kisses. 

“Cause I’m a way better chef, and a shit boyfriend. So I figure it spares us both the heartache of having me around too much” and the indifferent, casual tone he said it in tells me he truly believed it. That was the part about it that killed me the most. 

“Oh bear” I whisper, cupping his cheek and pulling him into a sweet, loving kiss, gently playing with his curls. He nearly sighs in relief in my mouth, his palm spread flat along my back where he rucked up my pajamas so he could be touching me skin to skin, our favorite way. “Do you wanna know something, love” I said softly when I pulled away, planting a gentle kiss to the bridge of his nose. He rested his forehead on mine, eyes fluttering shut as he got lost in the much needed affection. 

“Hm” he didn’t even have the ability to make some self deprecating joke, he could only focus on the way his heart felt steadier then it had all day now that he was back in my arms. 

“If I could spend every waking moment with you, I would. Because you are my favorite person in this world, there is not one other being I’d rather be with day to day, even Taylor swift” I joke which earned a small smile from him

“That’s a lie, but thank you baby- I wish I could be around all the time, but I fuck up too much” he sniffled, and I wiped the stray tear stains from his cheeks. 

“It’s the truth. And how do you mean, you fuck up baby? You are so good at being a boyfriend - today was the first time you’ve ever been nasty to me. And definitely the last, hm?” I confirm and he nodded quickly

“The last- it’s the last I swear. I’ll never be mean again t’you baby that was the dumbest shit I’ve ever done in my life. Y’my best girl, my favorite, perfect angel” he kissed my forehead and snuggled me close, gently petting my hair. We were quiet for a moment, just enjoying each others touch when he said “this is getting long” he whispered as he plays with the ends of my hair that brushed the mattress even while I sat in his lap. 

“Mm- I thought you like it long” i kiss that pulse point on his neck gently to assure he was still calm, happy to feel the steady beat beneath my lips as I lingered for a moment, smelling the last bits of his cologne and the kitchen smell from the day on him that I loved so much, distinctly Carmen. 

“I do. S’fun to play with” he rubs my back gently and rests his lips on the top of my head in a prolonged kiss, shutting his eyes and lingering for a moment, savoring the smell of my shampoo and hair oil that I��d actually gotten him to start using and to his surprise it did make his curls way less frizzy. The humid, Chicago summers were always his least favorite because it gave him a super curly Italian Afro that would go frizzy by the end of the day in the kitchen, but I loved it more then anything. 

“Will you shower with me?” He asked after a few moments of silence, with his cheek mushed on the top of my head. I sigh softly “I had a long shower earlier, I’ll sit with you, though. My pizza should be almost done” I said and he lays back on the bed, taking me with him and I giggle a bit as I roll on top of him and he lets out a satisfied hum at his newfound weighted blanket. 

“Never mind. Kinda want pizza” he adjusted my thighs so I’d straddle him and I tucked my hands under his back, kissing his neck gently as I usually would after a hard day, moving from his forehead to his nose and his cheeks then his lips and chin, then his jaw, then his neck, then his chest and arms and hands. I knew he loved it, because he’d sit with his eyes closed every time and essentially let me kiss him to sleep, it was quite adorable actually. 

“M’serious baby. Never again, ok?” I said softly when I finished, laying comfortably on his chest with my cheek mushed against it and he took a deep breath.  “Never again”

After things had calmed down a bit, we both ate, Carmy had a shower, we were laid in bed and I was stroking his hair gently, my sound machine already playing rain noise but I knew he wasn’t asleep. His hands were busy rolling and unrolling my pajama shirt hem between his fingers as I was sure his mind was racing. 

“Why are you doing this, Carm. At work. What’s up, baby. Why are you changing so much stuff in the restaurant?” I asked and he stopped, his tattooed hand coming around my hip and squeezing gently. 

“Baby I don’t wanna talk about this. I’m doing it because I have to, ok?” He said and rubbed my hip with his thumb gently. 

“Sydney is going to quit if you keep talking to her that way. And then what is this for, Carmen.” I said boldly, my hand steadying on his head

“I’m teaching her” he said shortly. 

“You’re treating her how that dick treated you.” I said and he tuts, taking a deep breath. 

“Babe I’ve not even told you half of the shit that fuckface said, and trust me I’d expect Syd would stab me how she did Richie if I said that shit to her. I didn’t tell her she should be dead. I didn’t stop the entire fucking kitchen and tell them that Syd was so stupid, and slow, that we need to wait so we can give her a second to catch up. I didn’t literally kick her ass for wasting ingredients. I’m teaching her. She’s gonna thank me, I’m making her better.” He nuzzled back into my stomach and closed his eyes once again, likely expecting me to just take it at that. 

“Ahh. So that’s what your boss did, when he was doing all that. He made you better? You think screaming in your face that made you better.” I scoff lightly, annoyed he thought this was at all good “you know she’s my best friend - one of them- Syd is basically Sadie’s sister. Which makes us that close.” 

“Well y’best friend chose a career path that’s hard sometimes, honey. I’m tired I worked 16 hours today” he laid down on his side, back to me and pulling open his bedside drawer, tugging out a box of sticker looking things and putting one on his arm. Nicotine patch. 

“And when were you gonna say you stopped smoking?” I asked, still confused why he wouldn’t tell me something as big as that, Carmy told me he’s been smoking since he was 15- that was half his life at this point. 

“Do you give a fuck? Thought you’d be happy if anything. Thanks for the support I guess” he laid on his stomach, tucking his arms under the pillow, still not facing me. 

I chuckle dryly “the support. Yeah Carmy. You are the most supportive fucking person as of late.” I got comfortable on my side, back to him “see you tomorrow night I guess since you can’t even be bothered to wake me up for a kiss anymore.” I snip, crossing my arm over my chest and frowning. 

“I literally do do you want me to start recording it? Y’fuckin half asleep why would you remember.” He scoffs “fuckin looking for a fight, swear to god” he muttered 

“You’re being a real jerk right now.” I huff and he chuckled sarcastically

“Yes babe. I am a fucking jerk you knew this when we first started dating, you used to be into it that’s the funny thing”

“Yeah I was into it when it was the whole jerk to other people but super sweet to me, thing. Now you’re a jerk to literally everyone and it seems you especially like taking it out on me, someone you say you love.” I said and he huffed, annoyed as he rolled over on his back, extending his arm 

“C’mere. I don’t wanna fight like this before bed, please baby. I’m sorry. I’ll try to be easier on Syd, there. Can you come lay now. And stop actin’ like this” he said and I turn around, crossing my arms over my chest and looking at him, he motioned for me to get comfy on his chest so he could wrap me up in a hug and we could fall asleep. 

“You’ll try, or you will.” I said and he did one of those fed up slow blink sighs.

“I will be more lenient with Syd’s fuck ups, even if I’ve shown her 50 times how to do it right and she’s still rushing it.” He said and pulled me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my temple firmly “can we sleep now?” he murmured against my skin. 

“Yes, we can sleep now” I gave in, knowing that I wasn’t going to get a better answer out of him until he’d at least had some sleep. I made it a point, though, when the sound of the shower woke me that I was going to get up and make him a coffee and some breakfast before work and hopefully we would get to spend some time together before he left. 

I made us both some scrambled eggs and toast, making sure to put his coffee in his favorite travel mug I’d gotten him last Christmas and adding a bit of cinnamon for him as well. I heard the water cut off just as I was setting the table and finishing making my own latte, and when the bathroom door opened, and he saw the bed had been made- he called out a confused 

“Babe? Y’up?” 

“In the kitchen” I called back, putting my creamer back in the fridge and mixing up my iced latte I’d made for myself. He came in, towel hanging low on his hips and another around his neck since he hated the feeling of his hair dripping on his skin. It was truly a mouthwatering sight. “Morning handsome” I said and greeted him with a sweet kiss and handing over his mug. 

“Morning babe- it’s…fuckin early- Y’don’t need to be up f’work until 8” he pats my bum gently “you made food?” He looked at the table and I nod happily 

“Yeah! I figured we could have breakfast together, right? Before you have to go to work..you don’t always have to be so early bear - you guys open at like 5!” I rub his chest gently and kissed his now soft stubble free jaw, he’d been very diligent as of late of shaving his face - sometimes twice a day. I sort of missed his stubble. 

“Yeah but I make the menu, honey. And I have to make a list of what I want Tina to get at the farmers market. I have to make sure everything is clean, I have to accept the meat delivery. And the dairy delivery. Someone’s gotta do it- but thank you, could you do me a big favor and slap it in a Togo for me? One of the plastic ones from the cabinet over the microwave that’s gonna be great to eat at work babe” he kissed the top of my head and headed back off to the bedroom to get dressed, leaving me stood alone in the kitchen again. 

I wake up, before the fucking sun to spend time with him - I’m still brushed off. 

“So we just don’t have sex anymore?” I call as I open the cabinet in search of the stupid fucking container he wanted me to put his breakfast in. 

“What’s that mean?” He comes to the bedroom door as he put on his white shirt - “fuckin shit I forgot to switch over my whites! Fuuuuck” he runs over to the washer and dryer in nothing but his boxers and plain white shirt, opening it and smelling them to asses if he could just throw them in the dryer “fuck!” He exclaims “fuckin fuck fuck” he said annoyed and pours in another cup of detergent, slamming the lid shut and setting it to a quick cycle 

“It means-“ I stop when he rushed past me, shaking my head and realizing he had completely stopped listening, anyway. “You can ask for help sometimes, you know that right?” I said and he shook his head annoyed, going back to the bedroom to grab his jeans 

“You can’t help me babe. Thanks for the coffee but I gotta go over to mine to grab my spare whites- oh- you can help with somethin’ actually, can you just throw those in the dryer when you get back up? Love you” he gave me a quick peck on the cheek, grabbing the container of food and his travel mug of coffee and dashing out the door. 

I sighed, giving a defeated “yup” and watching him leave. I sit down at the kitchen table, eating my lukewarm breakfast in silence as I think over the events of the morning. It could have gone so much differently if he just took a second. There was a fleeting thought in my mind when he got out of the shower that we could eat together and then have slow, passionate morning sex. The kind that he would mumble 

I fuckin love you, baby- you know how much I fuckin love you, right?

You’re everything to me, my whole fucking world Angel. 

You’re my peace baby, my home, my relaxation - I couldn’t ever go without you now that I have you, y’mine princess. Forever 

Into the crook of my neck as he lazily thrusted in and out of me, his words and my mumbled praise and agreements with his words bringing us to the throes of pleasure more then the short rolling of his hips. It had been weeks since we’d done that, and it would always bring us so much closer after we did. It was what we needed, right now. Especially right now, it felt like we were worlds apart and I would do anything to bring us back together. 

I pouted a bit, realizing just how much I missed him in that way, craving the closeness and the praise and the pleasure. I went ahead and opened our text thread, staring at the last which was the photo of his things in garbage bags we took about an hour putting away last night and I sigh softly. I type out a few versions of what I wanted to say, before settling on 

I miss having sex with you, Carmy. Can we please try and make time tonight? 

And sent it. It wasn’t the usual text someone would send or receive before 6 am, but Carmen and I had a tendency to not do things in classic or traditional ways. I see the type bubble pop up, then go away, then pop up a few times before I got a response of 

Baby I’m pretty busy today but I’ll try to see if I can find time maybe next week. I miss you too, my best girl 🖤

I shook my head, sighing and pushing away my now empty plate. Feeling frustrated and horny and pissed off. What happened to the Carmy that would no matter how tired he was, get under the covers and eat me until I was a trembling mess and ask for nothing in reply, but give in to my begging him to fuck me cause of how good he made me feel. That man, I wanted that man. I was coming to the realization that not having sex was getting to me. 

I send another text,

Or you could come home for lunch and fuck me like you know we both need. Or does the big, mean boss man not get a lunch break?

I bit my lip, petty - yes. But if riling him up to the point he has to come home and pound me from behind while rambling about how I’m such a pretty distraction and how could he ever say no to this pretty cunt was what I needed to do to get him inside me again, I would do it. He also needs it, he’s way too wound up. 

It wasn’t long before I got a reply 

Being needy and filthy over text isn’t gonna clear my schedule, pretty girl. I know you have toys why don’t you go put them to use and tell me how good you can make yourself feel, I know you can baby. 

I furrow my brow, frowning and just reacting to the message with a thumbs down. Asshole. 

I washed the dishes and switched over his whites to the dryer and go to bed for a few more hours before I would need to get up and get ready for my shift at the library. I listened to Taylor of course while getting ready, still in the process of memorizing the lyrics to her new album. I wished we could have gotten more time to listen to it together, but he doesn’t even have time to sleep it seems anymore, or have sex, or do anything that isn’t directly related to the restaurant. 

It was getting exhausting just to even witness. It nearly felt like I was single again, and Carmy just lived here and kissed me sometimes when he felt he needed kissing. It’s almost as if he’d fallen out of love with me and in love with the bear and its success. I didn’t know what Nat meant by Cicero cutting them off - I figured that would probably have something to do with it. I leaned into the mirror, observing my freckles around my nose. 

What if he realized you aren’t pretty enough for him?

I shook the thought out of my mind, going back to doing my eyeliner and telling myself I had to make an extra therapy appointment for this week, because the last time I felt like this was before I met Sadie and was all alone out here after Chris died. I finished up getting ready, giving Sephy extra love and snuggles per usual after she ate and then I headed to work. 

When I got on the L, funny enough I bumped into one of my favorite people. “Is that Syd the Chef Kid?” I plop next to her and her face brightens with her classic Syd Smile. 

“Pooh! What’s up carrot top, headed to the library?” She asked, popping her AirPod out so we could talk. 

“Yup! How about you, shouldn’t you be getting your ass chewed out by my ever patient boyfriend?” I said sarcastically, sitting back and sighing a bit as the train pulled off again. 

“I should…” she looks down “but uh. I took some time, this morning. You remember where Carmy used to work, Ever?” She asked and looked back over, I nodded a bit and she continued “well- it’s closing, and one of the chefs wanted to uh..talk. About an opportunity- please don’t tell Carmy I’m just going to hear him out and I-“

I cut her off “Sydney- that’s fucking awesome!” I giggle happily and hug her “what the hell- of course I won’t tell Carmy, but that’s like totally awesome! Right? You want to go different places in the cooking industry, that’s how you meet people, like Carmy did. You're so gonna get it if its a job offer” I told her. She looked a bit…surprised that I seemed excited about this, which kind of burnt a bit. 

“You don’t- you like.. wouldn’t be mad? If I left? Cause then Carmy would be all… y’know- Carmy. When he’s trying to find a new right hand, and-“

“Syd. I can handle Carmen, trust me. If anything he would be sad but he would be so proud of you too I bet!” I hugged her “just- don’t tell him until you make a decision- ok?” I told her and she nods, smiling a bit thankfully. 

“Yeah, for sure. He sent me this..partnership thing I’m not sure I wanna sign yet…At least until I explore my options” she said and I nodded, grabbing her hand and bringing it to my lips, kissing it gently 

“Syd- do what is good for you! Ok? I can handle Carmy, he’s…he’s really regimented? And yes, you leaving will throw off his routine but I can talk him down from freaking out. I’m sorry you even have to deal with his behavior, most the time I wonder why I do- but…it doesn’t even matter! This is about you babe! Let’s go celebrate - let’s go to smart bar tonight and fucking party! Cause tomorrow’s your day off, right, you me and Sadie! We’ll get fucked up. We deserve it. And Charli just put out a new album!” I grabbed her hand “you deserve it, Syd. Let’s go! Cmon. Let’s go have fun Carmy has been such a dick lately!” I said and she laughed, her head falling back. 

“God. I wish you could hear yourself, Win. Yeah. Carm has been such a dick. He doesn’t deserve you. But uh- I guess sure. Can Marcus come? He’s been bugging about going out” she said and I nod happily and clap. 

“Syd!!!!!! Fuck oh my god I’m so excited!” I giggle “pregame at yours! Sadie is so coming. Fuck Mitch I hate that prick but he’s probably gonna be there. And - oh your boyfriend?” I said and she shook her head 

“He said - it doesn’t matter. We’re not together. It’s fine. Let’s have fun, right?” She asked as we pulled at my stop. I nodded and got up, kissing her cheek quick

“Text me- I’ll be at yours after I get off work. I’ll wear that dress I lent you! If Carmy is a dick about you being late tell him I said to go pound sand!” I call as I got off, quickly heading to work since I was already late.

The day went extra slow, since of course I was excited for after work. I got home earlier then Carmy of course, because why would he ever make an effort to see me? And took a quick shower, packing my makeup and hair things, as well as a few bottles of alcohol before ubering to Syd’s. 

When I got there- Sadie, Marcus, as well as some very handsome tall British man was In her kitchen. “Hey bitches” I said and they turned 

“shortstack!” Marcus said happily and I giggle. The pretty blonde male and I meet eyes. 

“Hi there” he said and oh - oh…he’s British? Mm. Hmm. Interesting. 

“Hey” I said shut and shut the door behind me “like vodka?” I asked , and the way he looked at me made me feel we were the only 2 In the room. 

“I’m a tequila guy, but vodka does it.” He smiled a bit, and his pretty perfect teeth made me nearly weak at the knees. 

You aren’t single, just angry at your boyfriend. Behave, Winnie.

 I giggled in a way that I hoped I would read as friendly, and gently nudge his shoulder- 

Fuck. This guy is pure muscle, I’m sure his stamina is absolutely insane - Winnie! You are not single!! Stop being a perv about this pretty British chef … 

But he’s so pretty 

Winnie!  Stop!  Stop. Do you need to go home? You are taken. No matter how kind, and sociable, and funny, and fit, and muscular, and tall, and -

Winnie!!!!!!

I looked back at Syd, a fake smile on my face, as I clutched my phone, avoiding the tall, sexy Brit to my right that had such a sweet laugh and I’m sure a huge dick 

Winnow!!!

I couldn’t be more ashamed of where my mind wandered if I tried. I phone, avoiding his pretty blue green eyes - Jesus ! Why do all these men around Carm need to have the prettiest eyes!!! 

“This is Luca” syd said, taking my tote full of bottles of alcohol, and starting to load them in the freezer. “He’s here because he worked with Carm at Ever-  Richie introduced us, cause he went to check up on Jess after they said it was closing and this guy was hanging around like a dingleberry” she teased and he chucked, his eyes crinkling adorably. 

Fuck, he’s cute. And tall as fuck.

“I’m Luca- nice to meet you uhh-“

“Winnie. Winnow- call me Winnie, though.” I shook his soft hand, blushing when he brought it to his lips and kissed my manicured fingers kindly. 

“Well, Winnie, you look beautiful. Would you like me to make you a drink? You’ve brought quite the selection here” he squeezed my hand kindly before letting it go carefully and motioning to the selection of mixers Syd had set out. 

It had been - well- since Carmy had stopped caring to woo me, really since the last time someone had cared to flatter me so openly, so I shrugged and smiled. Blushing at the compliment and offering my thanks. 

“Yes, Chef Luca. Thank you” I squeeze his muscular bicep gently and Syd gives me the wiggle ‘get it’ brows as I sit down at the island. I rolled my eyes playfully, if anything she should be flirting with him. 

“Where are you from?” He asked as he grabbed a glass, filling it with ice and putting a shot of vodka before a shot of lime and I smiled a bit 

“Rochester New York. You’re from somewhere in England, right?” I asked and he chuckled a bit as he shook the drink together 

“Right. London. You’re uh- you’re Carmen’s girlfriend isn’t that right” he poured the drink in a glass and handed it over. I nodded, looking down into the drink. 

“That I am” I said quietly. I never knew these days what would come after someone saying that, he’s an ass, or he’s a genius or he is the best in the world. I was ready for the unfortunate embarrassing ladder of “he’s an asshole” but instead, I got 

“How in the hell do you keep up with that guy? What’s he feeding you?” He joked, causing me to laugh a bit and sip my drink. 

“Uh- I guess a lot of patience and love.” I said and Syd and I gave eachother a long glance. 

“Where is he by the way? He hiding from me or somethin yea?” He chuckled and I smiled, laughing to match the mood and Marcus thankfully interjects 

“Carmen doesn’t do clubs. You should know that” he nudged Luca gently and he huffed a laugh 

“I guess- yeah. Makes sense” he said, and it clicked all the sudden. 

“Holy shit” I whisper, staring at him and they all looked at me confused, staring at me silently. 

“What- what you fucking weirdo” Syd nudges me and I nod towards Luca 

“Him- him- that’s who…he like- you” I stared at him again and he furrowed his brow as he looks at me confused 

“Who what?” He asked and put his cup down

“Carmy - you? Why? What about you what are you good at what did you beat him at?” I asked curiously and put my cup down as well “he still talks about you- what did you do better? It still haunts him “ I laugh a bit “how did you beat him out, all the time. he…he worships you in a way” I said and he cackled a laugh, nudging Marcus 

“I like her! That’s funny darling. Uh- nothing. I just can ride his ass constantly but can never get ahead. Carmen is …. Something. I don’t know how he possibly manages, but -“

“He doesn’t sleep, or eat.” I said truthfully and shrug, and with the bluntness of my voice he just raised his eyebrows, eyes flicking from me to Syd to Marcus and back to me. 

“Doesn’t sleep” he repeats and I nod, shrugging again 

“Rarely- empire. You know that place?” I asked and he nods carefully and I nod as well “yeah. That place. He wants the bear, to be better. That’s what he keeps saying. So, he can’t. He says he has no time -“

“Does he know who that place is run by?” He asked

“His old Boss” Syd said. And I look over to her to see her looking back at me carefully and I nodded 

“Hates that guy. Never work for that guy, Luca he’s a jerk” I told him and he chuckled, nodding 

“Yes. That is pretty well known, that’s actually something he’s known for. No one really knows how Fields manages…he seems to be-“

“A robot” I finish for him and he nods 

“So- when you say he doesn’t sleep does he-“ 

“Maybe 2 hours a night. I’ve been telling him he’s gonna give himself a stroke - he doesn’t care. He gets up and four and passes out at 2:30. Sometimes, well- a lot of times he has to sleep until 5 and I keep snoozing his alarms cause he’s so dead to the world he doesn’t even hear them but he wakes usually at 5” I nod “and when he comes home he keeps working, he’s had to buy 3 new sets of porcelain since they’re working for their star or whatever he keeps smashing them.  My cat is starting to actively dislike him and his outbursts.” I explained. He motioned to Syd and she looked to him 

“A star. Why the hell would you want one- weren’t we just talking about it? How it’s impossible to keep” He asked and she shrugged 

“I said that too but Carmy said it’s what I wanted and I told him we didn’t have to but he insisted..” 

“How did that thing go, Syd” I look at her and she shakes her head quickly to tell me to stop

“What thing?” Marcus asks “you had a thing?” He nudges her and she flashes a small smile, looking into her drink

“Girl thing- it’s nothing.” She lied and shrugged “let’s do shots! Luca you’ve done a proper tequila shot right?” She turned to the freezer and he laughed a bit 

“Yes, Sydney we have limes and salt in England” he said, and I hopped off the counter to help her. 

“Do you think Carmy hates him because he’s tall?” I asked her, my first drink already making me more honest and this leads Marcus and Syd to both crack up laughing 

“Yo he would be piiissed if he heard her right now” Marcus laughs and I giggled 

“It’s true!! Luca my boyfriend must be jealous of your height” I said and he laughed as well, shaking his head 

“You are something. I’m seeing here how you and him work. You give em a run for his money I’m guessing” he said and I shrugged, grinning a bit. 

“He said that was you. That working with you made him more motivated because for the first time since culinary school he felt someone could have beat him, so he had to learn how to be better and make it look easy so you panicked and he said it worked- also you have funny eyebrows I love them” I giggled and Syd sets a shot in front of each of us 

“And you are very talkative, I see who’s the extrovert for your relationship” he joked “also, thank you? I think? I’ve been told” he smiled a bit and Syd put down the plate of cut lime slices. 

“Hands” she said and I offered her my hand while Luca said 

“With what?” And her, Luca, and Marcus stared at eachother for a moment before they cracked up

“Dude” she said and shook her head “give me your hand, idiot” she joked, taking his hand and he smiled adorably, cheeks painted a cute shade of pink and - 

Holy shit. He totally likes her. He wants her!

“Syd I have to pee- also get my face on. Are you coming?” I said and took my shot quickly, licking the back of my hand and biting my wedge of lime “sure” she said and took her, dragging her by her sleeve to the bathroom and shutting the door

“Okay - uh- what’s up?” She said as I shut the toilet lid and sat 

“He wants you” I said and she raised her brows, clearly confused 

“Marcus? I already told you I’m not-“

“Luca. Sexy tall British man? Looks like he should be in vogue? Yeah, that he. And he totally wants your ass! You have to fuck him and tell me if he’s-“ she quickly covered my mouth, laughing as she shushes me 

“Jesus! Winnie! You are loud!!” She said and I giggled 

“Okay well- tell me if he’s hung” I told her quieter when she took her hand off and she shook her head, giggling and flushing the toilet behind me to make it sound like we didn’t just come in here to gossip. 

“Yeah we’ll see about that, I think 3 shots is enough for you.” She teased. I got ready quickly, changing into the little black dress I had borrowed to Syd a while ago that seemed to fit much snugger now that Carmy had been feeding me so well. 

When I opened the door and made my way back to see the guys and Syd talking about some candy dessert thing that Luca had been working on and I grab my phone their conversation having brought something to mind 

“Syd- can we make this sometime? Carmy is too busy” I showed her the candied fruit with the yummy looking crunchy coating on it. She frowned a bit, shrugging 

“Yes of course we can- but why would Carmy be too busy? Is he acting like that to you all the time, win?” She asked and I shook my head. 

“Not yelling- just…not paying attention at least not like he used to. I think we’re going through a dry spell, ya know?” I shrug and sip on my mixed drink I still hadn’t finished. 

“A dry spell?” She chuckles “what are you- 55?” I blushed and shrug 

“Lets just go out! Ok! Fuck him he didn’t wanna come so let’s not talk about him. Let’s have fun something he doesn’t know how to do” I said and ordered the Uber for us on the app. 

By the time we got to the club, I had found that Luca is very funny, and also very fun- and he also didn’t have a bad taste in music. I could see why Carmy was jealous of him back when they used to work together, even though he physically leaves little to be jealous of at all, but I knew he didn’t give a shit about what was going on in other people’s heads. At least, he didn’t think about it too often since he was so lost in his own. 

“What are we drinking?” Marcus asks as we head in “I got first round” he added and we all piped up then, causing him to roll his eyes playfully “funny, everyone can make a decision when a wallet comes out. I’ll be back” he said and made his way up to the bar after he got our orders. 

“I’m gonna be right back” I told Syd and squeezed her arm, making my way around the room until I found someone who looked like they sold. 

“Hiii!” I said kindly and showed them the 50 I had folded in my hand “got something?” I asked and she nods 

“Need an 8?” She replied and I nodded, grabbing the bag when she went to ‘shake my hand’ and she took the money. 

“Been a pleasure, have a good night” I made my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind me, tightly rolling up a single I had and doing a line off the back of the sink before putting the little baggie in my bra and giggling as I feel the warm rush of relaxation and confidence wash over me. I hadn’t been able to party like this since before Carmy and I started dating. 

It didn’t make him the happiest to know that I previously dabbled in drugs, but I only did it sometimes, very rarely. Plus, what does Carmen know about a party? Nothing. So his opinion on this specific matter holds no water. I wiped off the bottom of my nose and fixed my lipgloss before making my way back out to the group. “Let’s dance bitches!!” I said excitedly pulling Syd l and Sadie with me to the dance floor and Marcus and luca followed suit . 

I didn’t get back home until around 3 head pounding from the comedown and a cracked phone screen, I wasn’t even really sure how that happened. Luca had to carry me up the stairs because I kept stumbling and he handled his liquor far better then I did. I also found that he was a fabulous dancing partner. “Gnight !! Sexy British chef dude I’ll see youuuuu-“ I point, looking up at him “when that thing”

“The Ever funeral dinner, yes darling. Now you should go get some rest yeah? Where are your keys?” He asked and I shrug, leaning against the door “dunno. Carmy should maybe be home” I said and knock on the door “Carmy!!” I call through the door and knock again and heard shuffling and the door opened 

“Where the fuck have you been baby-“ he pulled me into a hug, shutting the door 

“Hey !! Don’t be rude didn’t you even say hey!” I said and he looks at me confused 

“How much have you had to drink, say hey to who you? Hey. Now why do you look high” he grabs my face, observing my blown out wide pupils 

“Say hi to Luca your frienddd. Bye Luca!!” I call through the door not having realized he snuck away since he didn’t want to deal with Carmen questioning why he was holding up his girlfriend who was so inibreated she could barely stand and was high as a kite on south side coke.

” N’yeah Cause m’high” I yawn “kinda. Think I have a little left though m’saving it.” I said without thinking and head off to the bedroom, shedding my shoes and dress in a trail behind me as I go 

“High on what” he followed and I lay down, not even really listening anymore, the only thing filling my mind was that I was overstimulated and exhausted. 

“M‘not high” I lie after a few moments when I realize what he said and rolled on my stomach, getting comfy under the covers. 

“Winnie what did you do?” He comes over, sitting down next to me and rubbing my back lightly “what did you take, baby. Tell me” he said and I look up at him

“Alcohol” I said and he nodded 

“And?” He urges me to continue and I shake my head. 

“Do I have to look through your shit babe, really” he huffs and rubs his face “I don’t have fucking time Winnie!” He said frustratedly. 

And that was when I snapped, I couldn’t find where he got off, judging me and what I did at parties. Especially when he could hardly give a fuck about what I was doing, apparently unless I was waiting at home for him like a sad puppy, just for him to shower and collapse next to me with nothing but a “g’night hun’”

“Can you leave me the fuck alone? Jesus Christ Carmen! It doesn’t fucking matter. I bought an 8th of coke and did a few fucking lines! Are you happy? Now can I go to bed? because I’m fucking human and need sleep. I know That concept is foreign to you. Get out of my face what did you say yesterday? Oh- I don’t need the bullshit. Go to work or something.” I snap, over tired, over hungry, and with a now what was turning into a  migraine “bad enough I’m gonna have to fuckin babysit you at that dinner Friday” I mumble and he got up, heading back to the kitchen for which I was grateful, but not without a muttered ‘what the fuck ever.’  Act like an asshole, get treated like an asshole would be my behavior going forward. If he wanted to play ball, so can I. 

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙