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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 2 years ago

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where's the rant ???

Alright so rant time: people constantly argue that making a character a transwoman is the same as making them a ciswoman and frankly that’s wrong. I’m sorry but it is. As a small disclaimer: I’m nonbinary and I am in school getting a sociology degree. I will be using sex to refer to biology and gender to refer to otherwise.

Using Tim Drake as an example: the stories you tell with a transgirl or a cisgirl version are incredibly different from each other. Because men and women are socialized drastically different from one another. While the character of Tim Drake (fierce, loyal, hard working, generous, and wanting to do so much good) wouldn’t change so much else about Tim would in either option.

With a transgirl Tim Drake, you have how society would react to her and coming out. I’d also argue that she wouldn’t come out until her teen years because of Jack. No one can tell me that this man would be okay with his kid being a transgirl. You just can’t tell me that. Janet is a toss up because of the limited information we have on her as a character. She however did neglect her kid, and in general I think that as new or old money, whichever you want to use, she would have problems with image, considering that a trans child could go bad for the PR. But even ignoring the parents, a transgirl!Tim would have a totally different story. I expect her story woudl go much like canon for a while until she is able to articulate that she is a girl. Then I expect backlash from people, one of them being Stephanie.

I’m probably in the minority when it comes to my thoughts that Steph is a straight woman who would react to her partner coming out as a woman badly because ‘what does that say about ME?!’ I won’t go into my issues with Steph. Others have done it way better but I do think that she and Tim both messed up their relationship even if frankly most of the blame is on Steph’s feet. BUT ANYWAYS: Tim coming out would cause issues there. A harsh reaction is never great for a baby trans kid and I can see Tim retreating as Steph goes off to complain to someone like Babs. Who I then think would be upset with Steph for outing Tim. Baba then acts as a pillar for Tim who slowly can come out on her own terms. Bruce and Dick I don’t think would have an issue and Jason? Let’s be real: Jason wouldn’t give a fuck in the sense it’s “okay wait, girl? Okay… I’ll still beat the shit out of you”.

The media would pitch a fit and I think that YJ would become closer over this, but I also think that there will be backlash from other members of the cape community. There just isn’t a way there wouldn’t be because while sure a lot are accepting you can’t tell me everyone is. Also the rouges. Unless Bruce asks Tim to pretend to be a guy still which… OUCH. I feel that is on brand and also something Tim would struggle so much with but want to obey while everyone is yelling at Bruce.

Then a transitioning Tim when her father wakes up probably wouldn’t go back to him because I doubt his reaction is a good one, and so she stays with Bruce. Probably becoming adopted. She and Cass would bond and I can see Tim developing further and becoming more confident as time goes on. She is less confident as Robin as she is not allowed to be herself.

The Damian and I’m torn. On one hand: I kind of like the idea that the League are all assholes but they also are chill with queer people cause Ra’s is creepy with canon Tim. In the other this is something he can attack Tim over and I doubt he’d give up the chance the little psycho.

So… Damian would be a thorn but I think that Dick steps in way more here because ‘baby assassin trying to kill Tim since he doesn’t know better’ is very different then ‘a transphobic kid being a shit to Tim’. Sad but true.

Tim’s story drastically changes by being a transgirl and it’s one that is VASTLY different then being a ciswoman because Tim still was socialized as a boy from birth. There is still a level of privilege she got from birth that a ciswoman doesn’t. People would react to her being trans in multiple ways such as denial or disgust.

But a cisgirl!Tim? Well…

People expect different things from the sexes. Women are supposed to be soft, gentle, not to loud and are supposed to be kind. Boys get to be demanding and loud and smart and rough.

Tim as a girl would have Jack and Janet reacting differently. It’s a personal headcanon for me that Jack imposes a lot of his traits onto Tim as a boy because ‘it’s my son and he is thus like me’. A girl though he’d expect to be a ‘cute and soft girl who is there for me to pull out of the closest’ because frankly the guy who willing marries someone not even a decade older then his kid who uses to be his physical therapist is a LOSER who would. Janet is again a toss up but I feel she’d have more of an impact for this Tim as being a woman in buisness or archeology is a field she had to climb and claw her way through. Things she would then pass on to her daughter.

Women are expected to be feminine and gentle. I’m actually fond of a girly fem!Tim compared to others, but I think it’s more of a punk girly then not. Janet totally would have weaponized her femininity in a way Tim tries to mimic. Dresses, soft smiles, doe eyes but a sharp mind about to rip you apart. Her interests in photography would be dismissed as ‘artsy girl’ and she’d be put into ballet or gymnastics with some comments over martial arts.

Women will have people talk about them if they do anything out of the ordinary. They aren’t supposed to ride skateboards or things because that’s what boys are expected to do. They aren’t supposed to like climbing things or other shit.

Tim as someone born a girl, and as either new money or old money, would be expected to have certain traits a boy is allowed to not have. So without a doubt she had etiquette lessons and dance lessons and anything else her mother might have decided were useful because Jack wouldn’t have noticed anything. Even if it’s cause Janet got mocked by people for not knowing I can’t see Tim not having these lessons.

Tim who has a great mask and who keeps her lives seperate this would have her high society mask, her vigilante mask, her public self and her real self because girls are still expected to act a certain way in public. Any interest that deviates form what society expects is brushed off as ‘she’s trying to be unique’ or ‘tomboy’ or ‘fitting in with the boys’.

We finally get to Robin now because Tim is still Tim and I don’t doubt she would do the same thing, fight to become Robin, but with this comes it’s own problems. Threats of sexual assault, comments about being a girl, crude comments about opening her legs or how she fights: all of these would follow her. We can go: some rouges are nice all we want but not all of them are.

Then we have Stephanie and that relationship is already drastically changed because Stephanie again is straight, and I think that Tim would be able to connect to Steph much better as a girl. I still think it wouldn’t be the healthiest of friendships because of everything but I also think that Tim being a girl while having hard lines is very different from a boy with boundaries because Steph knows as a girl what it’s like to have boundaries. She would feel bad for breaking them compared to ‘Tim is upset I found out his identity boohoo why is he upset with me?’.

We have Dick to and I’m going to be real honest: I think Dick is sexist enough to make assumptions of Tim. He doesn’t have issues with women but in general he’s a bit of a douche bag (sleeping with Babs while inviting her to his wedding with Kori anyone?) that he would put some expectations on this Tim related to being a girl. Of course Tim tosses those out of the water and I think he’d adapt but still: Dick is just… I think he’s the guy who puts a lot of stock into blood relations more then we know (ala Damian) and that he’s got a few assumptions about the Robin title along with thoughts on girls.

Bruce is… I think his expectations would be similar to canon with an emphasis on her being a girl. He knows competent women but in his world most of the female heroes are super powered or criminals, with Barbara being a shining example of a non-powered hero who got hurt. He’s going to compare it. I think it would either be worse then canon or he’s going to shove her off on female heroes more because he isn’t sure how to handle her.

Barbara as well I think is closer then canon to Tim being a girl and sort of the Batfam early compared to Stephanie. I actually think Babs would be a lot more posessive of Tim because of this, but this miiiight just be me. I know Tim and Cass would be incredibly close as well much like canon.

Jason and Damian though? Okay so I’ll be blunt: Jason is the kind of guy who is a feminist and supports woman’s rights but has a few issues with women he’s never been able to articulate. Society would press on him women are supposed to be fantastic mothers who put their families first and then he gets Sheila and Catherine. And while Catherine may have loved him society says she’s a terrible mother. Then we have Talia and no matter what the ‘sleeping together’ thing is fucked up. It just IS. So Jason has issues. However I think said issues being thrown into his face would make him stop short. Yet his reaction to a girl taking the mantle is one that would be… tricky as hell.

Damian? Damian is sexist and could go one of four ways: a) canon, b) WORSE then canon, c) dismissive and arrogant assuming she is just there to be trained and would be shoved out of the role as soon as he’s there no need to fight which turns into canon reaction when she isn’t or d) an assumption she’s there as a bride for someone. Because frankly it is something I can see him assuming. Bruce training a girl much like how Dick/Jason was trained so eventually they would marry to be solid heirs. The LoA is messed up and Talia might be a woman but she was raised there so there’s probably a ‘exception to the rule’ mentality with her. And I can see Damian either then: deciding he would be Tim’s groom as the true heir to the Bat or he would go: well time to marry her off now.

Either works. He’d still be violent and cruel towards her but that’s just Damian in general until he mellows out.

I think losing Robin in this world would be much more of a blow for Tim because of the sexism she’s faced. Being the lesser Robin for being a girl, how people reacted to her being feminine, seeing how Dick so easily tosses her aside for a male child. How people probably would go: yes! A good Robin finally! Or how his more violent reaction probably gets praised over her. Mixed in with the dismissal of Bruce being alive which feels worse as women are always getting dismissed by people and Tim lashes out harder then in canon.

We then come back to Babs because there’s only two ways she can react: canon or she goes ‘I’ll listen for real as I know the guys suck at listening to the girls’ and making her decisions that way. (And let’s be real Babs would know. Give me more female solidarity in comics and not the weird catty crap we get otherwise)

We then have canon happen with Ra’s being just as creepy mixed with a lot more sexism on her world tour.

One thing I do think would happen like canon is Tim realizing she’s bisexual when Fem!Bernard comes along and gets her thinking about it because girls are allowed to be touchy with each other so her not knowing is twice as likely.

These stories are VASTLY different from one another and the assumption that they wouldn’t be is insulting. Yes, transwomen are women but there’s still a huge difference in a story about either of them. Both these stories have very different thoughts and reactions from characters.

Just pretending that they’re one in the same is wrong. And pretending there’s a moral high ground when you claim they are is just being a dick.

#Batman #tim Drake #red Robin #transgirl tim #female tim Drake #fem tim Drake #Dc Comics

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dreamwritesimagines · 2 years ago

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It’s CMA-

I’m taking notes as always:) also my brain is still fried and I’m waiting for the meds to kick in, so if anything doesn’t make sense, that’s why and not because I’m a mess of a human being who doesn’t proofread

Okay him knowing what her family likes because he pays attention when she’s mentions things… going back to the Aphrodite thing, honestly might just spite her here and now if this is where it leads😂😂😂 (dream ur a bad influence /j)

Motherfucker dream I was not expecting that sentence at all. Holy fuck clover have you no subtlety? Jesus I almost spit out my drink, my god. Every time I think I won’t be surprised by her anymore, she does something like this. Holy fuck.

Have I properly conveyed my shock? Because I don’t think there’s enough swears in the world for me to express it. I knew she said she had a plan but holy fuck???? (also this is way tmi and you don’t have to answer but does she think she needs a partner??)

SCREAMING THAT WENT FROM SO FUNNY TO SO TRAGIC SO FAST. I’m not saying anyone did anything wrong (except maybe clover for approaching it the way she did) and everyone’s reactions were totally understandable and I applaud Ben for being honorable enough to say no, but this is so sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I know we talked about this in headcanons and theories but to actually see it in the story is breaking my heart)

Wait okay I just thought of something not totally related but if cherie and clover ever did meet, cherie would love clover but clover would hate her I feel like. Because cherie would think that clover is a genius who is the only person capable of seeing these love matches/attraction besides her, and clover would hate Cherie’s over enthusiastic approach to life and love.

Eventually I think that clover would grow to tolerate and then be protective like she is with Lottie, but whereas Lottie is more a more general sunshine-type, cherie is a very specific and much stronger brand of loving love and everything and this might turn clover off.

Idk just some thoughts lol back to the story:

I’m loving this lothany sneak peek btw.

The way that she walks away and bulldozes over him and refuses to listen is really interesting. Especially when you compare it to Lottie who when pressed and didn’t want to talk about her love life, clearly articulated why she didn’t want to talk about it and gently redirected the conversation without making clover feel bad or making things awkward.

It really shows the difference in emotional intelligence between the two of them in an interesting way. The way that Lottie talked made me think that she knows of her feelings for Anthony, she just thinks it’s hopeless. It’s a fascinating parallel: Lottie who knows she’s in love but isn’t in a relationship, and clover who doesn’t know she’s in love but is in a relationship.

They’re really opposites in every way, and it’s so interesting to see how their journeys are basically inverses of one another in every way. Loving parents vs abusive one’s, growing up well off vs poor, growing up in the city vs country, having lots of friends vs none at all… the lists go on and on beyond just the grumpy/sunshine pairing.

Idk that just occurred to be how interesting that is.

It’s also interesting how much we see clover’s thought patterns here. The denial, the pessimism, the black and white thinking. The way that she thinks that she can read everyone’s minds but she can’t at all.

Also eek! Another love confession! Ugh every single one makes me so happy, and I’m glad we’re getting more than one for this story. It’s good for clover because it helps her understand that her view of the world is skewed, reassures her doubts, and it’s just really cute overall.

Not going to lie, even though it’s fictional, being able to relate to clover and see her get the love and kindness that I wish I got is so cathartic. Love that for her, and i love this series and your writing for that.

Ugh at least one of them is emotionally intelligent/aware. In enamored they were both emotionally stunted and that was such a roller coaster lolololol.

Augh Ben might be my favorite character you’ve written for tbh. Genuinely, genuinely love this story so freaking much.

Man this chapter had so many twists. First the laugh about clover’s bluntness to the angst of the “rejection” to the fluff of lothany to the angst of the dinner and clover’s inner thoughts/self loathing to the most amazing fluff of a confession, wow.

Also the way that clover was begging ‘don’t make me say it/don’t ask me that’ and the way that that phrase says so much about her. It happens each time right before he confesses and yet he continue to do it anyway. It’s an interesting parallel that they’ve got going on; I’m interested to see if it continues.

Also how it pains her to say it, showing that she really does care and doesn’t want to hurt him, but is still trying to do what she thinks is best for him/the situation, even though it’s only for her benefit.

Idk a lot of thoughts this week. Anyway…

Thanks for reading and that’s it for this week on CMA becomes a rambling mess whenever Dream releases a new chapter. Tune in next week for more overly specific and random rambling (and probably a lot of screaming too) about GoS or whatever else I am/dream is up to.

Omg hi darliiiiing! 🥰❤️

Lolll spiting Aphroditeeee😏 I'm telling you, it could be riskyyy😈

I actually considered putting that scene in the sneak peek but then I realized it would be more shocking/fun if it took you guys by surprise as much as it did Benedict😂

Every time I think I won’t be surprised by her anymore, she does something like this. Holy fuck. Benedict's train of thought there😂

I feel like she thinks she needs a partner yes! 😁

I totally agree, Cherie would love Clover but Clover would hate her first 😂 Cherie can be very headstrong when it comes to love, and she is incredibly stubborn and refuses to believe in anything but love being the best thing in the world😂 But they'd eventually become best friends ❤️

Lothany my babiesssss❤️

Clover definitely has a more direct approach when it comes to...anything really 😂 Charlotte is much softer than she is ❤️

They’re really opposites in every way, and it’s so interesting to see how their journeys are basically inverses of one another in every way This is such a wonderful way to look at it, YES! ❤️ Their love stories AND backgrounds are so paralleled with each other in like complete opposites way and we will see more of it! ❤️

Clover can be very observant when it comes to other people but herself and Benedict? Not at all😂

Oh yeah, Enamored was very dramatic because both Cherie and Anthony are incredibly dramatic😂

It's so fun when a chapter includes both like humor and angst at the same time 😁

THIS! THIIIIIS! ❤️

Clover is not very good at expressing her feelings -not with words anyway- as opposed to Benedict who's really good at expressing his feelings, both with his words and his actions and even his art, that's why he's such a good artist ❤️ So Clover has a lot to learn from him and for her to actually say those words...

It'll be a huge character development on her part ❤️

Thank you so so much for this darling, you're amazing! ❤️❤️❤️

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seriouslysam8 · 3 years ago

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Hullo, Sam.

I finally caught up late last night to your Moments in Time universe stories and I just wanted to drop a few words here on your tumblr so that you can understand how amazing it is. Other than Legerdemain, which I have only just finished, I have read this entire universe three times over (a few stories more than that). You’ve written a story that quite literally spans generations. Croup starts your universe off in 1983 where we are not only given a brief glimpse into the childhood of Harry Potter pre Hogwarts, but you gift us with it through the eyes of Petunia Dursley. You can just see the abuse already inflicted upon him in only a few words and he’s only three! The mental anguish of a three year old being told he can’t have nice things because he breaks them can’t have been good for poor Harry! How she touched his forehead to check for a fever and he flinched like he’d been expecting her to hit him. Poor poor little Harry. No wonder he’s so unsure of everything later on in his life, second guessing what he deserves and doesn’t deserve, second guessing the fact that he is loved at all. Yelling at him because he’s sick like it’s his fault! I’m surprised she even gave him medicine in the first place. Wanting him to sleep outside in the “frigid air” and only deciding not to leave him there all night because the neighbours might see, really says a lot about her personality. I’ve never read anything from Petunia’s point of view before, but this was not only extremely well done, but a lovely much needed look into the past that we all know was abusive and yet very few authors take the time to glimpse into. It was beautifully written and I applaud you for tackling it. Then you take a moment to jump eleven years into the future and glimpse us with the behind the scenes relationship between Harry and Sirius Black.

Thirty-Five takes place on the thirty-fifth birthday of Sirius which is in Harry’s fourth year at Hogwarts. It was absolutely lovely and so wonderful to see that glimpse into how their relationship became one of trust, love, and mutual respect. The simplicity of Sirius just getting a letter from Harry and visiting his old friend, yet you somehow told so much of their story with only a few short words. You not only showed us the love Sirius has for Harry, but you can see how much Harry adored Sirius in ways we truly missed out on in the books. Their time together was cut short and yet you articulated this deep father/son bond in only a few letters. The incredible thoughtfulness of the gift Harry gives Sirius and his worry over it not being good enough because of how he's been treated says so much about who he is. Sirius' reaction says so much about who he is. I love the interaction between Remus and Sirius as well; a chance to see the two bond and it means so much to see Sirius urge Remus to write to Harry. I know it was never said in the books, but I think Remus and Harry did exchange letters after the fifth book. It would explain so much more about why Remus chose Harry to be godfather of Teddy. One more thing, the little teasing Sirius does when he tells Remus he noticed Harry mentioned Ginny seven times is adorable. I love the idea of Sirius shipping them from the very beginning, years before either of them even realized it. Then you jump a few months ahead to the summer of 1995 when you brought us the adorable tale of The Boggart of Grimmauld Place.

This story was so heartbreaking and to see the horror and embarrassment that Harry felt only reflects back upon that first story, “Croup." Harry getting to spend even a little time with Remus and Sirius at Grimmauld Place was what was missing from canon. Memories of his grandparents, learning about them. It was just lovely! When Harry is ashamed of wanting Sirius to embrace him a little longer my heart ached for that poor boy who never got to feel real hugs and affection. He thinks he should be ashamed for wanting to feel it and he shouldn’t! I blame Petunia for that. I love how you play on the connection here between Harry and Sirius and even parallel it to the Potters and Weasleys. Harry being surprised that he would be in Sirius’ will at all. Harry just being surprised that people care about him in general. Heartbreakingly lovely. You are truly a gifted writer. Then you switch off to the same summer with the gem of Hide and Seek. This one-shot is a bit different from the others because you parallel the before and after of the Hinny love story. I love the thought of them all playing hide and seek in Grimmauld Place and everyone joining in! Remus and Tonks making out in the cupboard was the best surprise! It was definitely my favourite part and Sirius just teasing them! Hermione thinking something happened between Harry and Ginny. I loved how Harry opened up a little to Ginny. You could see he was actually really comfortable with her in a way he’s not with most people. Absently massaging her wrist, touching her. He was caught up in her without realizing that he was caught up in her. Adorable! The second addition was wonderful! I love how Ginny just took control, loosening his tie, taking off his jumper… they are the superior couple and it was just lovely to see the parallel between the timelines.

Next comes Raillery, which picks up where the first section of “Hide and Seek” left off. The way you can jump around in this universe, writing and adding stories to fit holes is amazing. It’s like little memories we didn’t know we were missing. I adore the little teasing between Ginny and Sirius in this one-shot and you mentioning how Sirius kept track of Ginny's whereabouts for her in case she had a nightmare. He is the nicest man ever. The teasing over Harry was so cute and I am saddened to think that Sirius never got the chance to be that grandfather to Harry's kids. Amidst the teasing, I did expect Sirius to respond something along the lines of, "Just you, Harry, you haven't knocked anyone up, have you?" and have Harry just turn bright red and stutter. The bit about Potters loving redheads is very true. The little Harry and Ginny moments, how they touch and talk and how oblivious Harry is to just taking comfort in her is absolutely wonderful. You can see how their bond was growing despite the obliviousness of both of them. I hope this mentioning of a game night means there might be another missing moment soon. With Scintilla you jumped ahead a few more months to the DA meetings which was absolutely adorable! Harry is so smooth without even realizing it! Holding her close, pressing his chest to her back. He has hidden moves. To bad he’s into Cho. I love them swearing not to hex each other. Adorable! I now have an image in my head of one of Ginny’s brothers asking Harry if he’s ever been hexed and he’s all ‘oh, yeah, loads of times’ (with the same sass to his voice as he confirmed his beatings at St Brutus’ to Aunt Marge). It was very, very well done.

I think despite my strong love of Hinny, Seventeen is my favourite one-shot in this vast and incredible universe. Harry and Ron lovingly admitting they’re brothers warms my soul. I love that touch of giving them matching watches! Was that canon? If not it should be. Mrs Weasley feeling guilty over Sirius is so like her. She loves and cares for Harry as if he’s her own son and it’s wonderful to see. The last bit with Ginny was perfect! They definitely had to do more than the uninterrupted kiss and I love how Harry just basked in her. The end made me so sad! His heart breaking over missing her birthday, lost opportunities. Very beautifully done and I think this story really helps propel us forward into the vast uniqueness of what your universe has to offer. But then I also think The Demise of Walburga Black is my favourite as well. It was absolutely amazing!

The image you crafted of them laughing like lunatics as they destroyed her portrait was awesome! What I like most so far about your writing is how you gently weave in Harry’s relationship with the Weasleys, you can see him growing closer to them. I love the idea of George moving in with him and Ron, that Harry would offer his home to him like that because obviously living in the flat he shared with Fred would be too much for him. I love that Harry goes to Mr Weasley for renovation advice. I think it’s so hot that Harry would renovate the Muggle way (so sexy to see men in a tool belt and I’m going to assume that he’s shirtless and sweaty). I love that it was Angelina’s idea and how you casually had Ron toss in that George and Angelina were already sleeping together. Harry’s reaction to being caught by Mrs Weasley, how his guilt eases into pleasure that Mrs Weasley would call both himself and Ron, George’s ‘younger brothers,’ and his glee in being lectured by her in a motherly fashion. And don’t even get me started on the scene with Ginny! The way he gushed on his drunken ramblings about making a home with her and wanting to raise a family and her not wanting to get her hopes up because he’s so drunk! I laughed out loud when Harry said that drunk Harry wants to do dirty things with her or something like that. It was just wonderful all around!

Brio is by far one of the top one-shots to showcase your absolute comedic genius. I can’t believe Ginny signed Ron up for the auction. That was a surprise and oh goodness, Gwenog teasing Harry about hating children was so funny! I love Ginny wanting to sneak the paddles out! I love the idea of them being so hot for each other and of course Harry is very good with his tongue, that’s one of those unspoken canon agreements. When Ron told Harry his underwear makes his ass look fantastic, I spit out my drink. Thank you for that! And Ron just working the crowd! Chef’s kiss! And was it just me or did you allude to Harry having a big package in those Harpies boxer briefs? I fully support that if its true. Big cock Harry is definitely canon in my book. At first, I thought you were going to get someone to outbid Harry there for Ginny for a second but that was so much hotter! I love a strong confident Harry (and slightly drunk from the looks of it). I love that Harry dragged her off to have sex in the Quidditch Hall of Fame! I love how soppy Harry was! I love reading stories where Harry is completely enamoured by Ginny. The security guard! Harry’s naked arse and hairy balls, oh my goodness, this is hilarious! Absolute comedic genius. And to keep the comedy going, you continued with Veracity.

I understand that some people did not enjoy this one and called it cringe-worthy. That is terribly upsetting and you must not listen to these haters. “Veracity” had such a beautiful romantic vibe to it under the comedic atmosphere. George put so much beautiful thought into his proposal to Angelina and yet it still was so perfectly them. It is so adorable that Harry and Ginny get custody of Teddy and Harry immediately decides in order to be a good parent he cannot drink and feels like garbage for ‘abandoning’ him for the evening. First time parents are always the most adorable. The truth or dare game was perfect! George and Angelina really are perfect for each other from the questions they ask, to how they want to celebrate, to that perfect wedding for them. The idea of George never seeing Harry naked is hilarious. I suppose he would have seen him when he dressed as Harry (under the Polyjuice) in Deathly Hallows, but I believe they kept their undergarments on (except for the girls who would have removed their bras) so I suppose not. And with everyone in the room, I imagine it would be difficult for George to have opened his shorts to look down and sneak a peek, so perhaps he hasn't actually seen it before. I must say, I do very much love the idea that Harry is bigger than average and I love the idea of Ron saying 'oh he's nothing special,' but really him being special and Ron keeping his best mate's privacy for him. Ron and Harry... I have so many lovely things to say on how you write their friendship! I absolutely love that both Harry and Hermione are the shy ones about their sex lives and yet Ron is more than happy to share and still simultaneously horrified to hear the same about his sister. Them taking showers side by to side to gossip like teenage girls is everything I didn't know I needed. The way they drunken hug and tease each other and basically profess their undying love for the other is so beautiful. Ron is the perfect best mate to Harry and Harry is the perfect best mate right back. The Merlin freckles on Ron’s bum is the best thing I have ever read and I must insist it become canon! Then, George going around to try to sneak a peek and Harry and Ginny just sneaking off to shag without him knowing was amazing! When he found out they were in the shower, I just had this image of Ginny covering Harry's mouth (because he would definitely be the happy drunk to give them away) and just holding on as they shagged, like not even concerned that George might find them. Then Molly... omg, that was something I never knew I needed. George, yes, it is highly inappropriate to try to sneak a peek at someone's cock, like he's telling himself a mantra was hilarious! Thank you for writing such a beautifully written comedy. I do hope for George's sake that he gets to sneak a peek somewhere down the line. I do say, with all of the effort he's made, he does deserve it.

Then we move onto the sweet little gem of a story that is Aurora. I love the idea of Teddy wanting to dress up as Harry. I love how tender and loving Harry is with pregnant Ginny. It was so sweet to read how he felt for the baby and claimed he felt his butt, it made me chuckle. Oh my goodness! Percy is the best here! I can’t stop laughing at his attempts to be her birth coach! George claiming he just saved Percy’s life, so funny! The stuffed unicorn from Percy was sweet! I love how nervous Harry is! But my favourite part of Aurora was that so far you’ve mentioned more than once that Harry doesn’t let tears fall, all the way back to Croup when Petunia says he knows better than to cry in front of her, and then to have him openly cry when James is born. I just couldn’t stop smiling. It was beautiful. But after so much fluffy sweetness, it’s time to find our way to your darker stories and Kalopsia definitely brings that home.

“Kalopsia” brings us a real glimpse into the darkness of what being an Auror entails. Harry’s job is very dangerous and when Ginny opens the door to find Gawain Robards standing there, it is like a bucket of cold water. Hearing he is missing as opposed to dead is not the relief that she is looking for. Ginny is at home with a newborn Albus and very hyperactive boys in Teddy and James and Harry is trapped in some alternate-reality hallucination. Having Ginny and George tackle being Aurors while Ron is trapped in the hospital was wonderfully well done. You can see why Harry and Ron are so good at their job and really get a glimpse into the dangers they face on a daily basis. The way you explored what happened with flashbacks and false memories and hallucinations not only is a comparison to the amazing Supernatural episode where Dean gets kidnapped by a jin, but you took that idea and made it into something magical. It was one of my favourite stories. It seems like Ginny only just gets Harry back home safely, knowing he is safe and where he is supposed to be when Ginny gets pregnant again with Lily and all hell breaks loose in Entombed. There is one thing people should always remember, never go after Harry Potter’s family, especially not his pregnant wife and unborn child.

When Harry learns his wife his missing, it is a real glimpse into everything he’s fought for since he was eleven years old. This story really grasps the moment where Harry realizes how lucky he is. How perfect his life is in ways he never imagined it could be. He never thought he would be lucky enough to be loved like this, to have a family and now someone is trying to take away the one person who makes everything make sense. You can see him unravelling while watching him struggle to suddenly be a single dad to three boys. It was beautifully heartbreaking and when you come to the conclusion that the kidnappers plan to bury Ginny alive, it’s like a knife straight to the gut. The only thing that made this story more beautiful was showing that those we love never really leave us and that they will always watch out for us to the best of their abilities. When Lily Potter showed up to assure Ginny she and her daughter would be all right, I have never felt more sure that she would be. You weaved an incredible tale that not only showed us a different side to Harry, but allowed Harry a chance to bond with his children in ways he didn’t know he needed and to see him fall in love with his only little girl was the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Entombed is one of my favourites in this universe. I have now read it six times.

Then after Entombed, you move onto another one-shot from Petunia’s point of view with Discomposure. The opening where Petunia is annoyed is definitely a motherly trait, to be annoyed over texting instead of calling. She hates Dudley’s mother-in-law, that makes sense. I feel like she wouldn’t want anyone else being a mother figure her to her Dudley. I can’t decide if Petunia is horrified that Harry has done well for himself or secretly pleased like she believes it’s because of her despite the fact that she treated him shit. Poor Harry, he’s so turned up! One look from Petunia and he feels like a child again. That makes me so sad that she can make him feel that way. She really is a horrible woman and after everything he and Ginny have gone through together, for him to be pulled back into the abuse he lived through only truly shows the trauma he suffered from a very young age. It’s one of the reasons why I think “Discomposure” really is the turning point for the choices Harry finds himself making in your epic tale of Brontide.

“Brontide” is one of those stories that people will never forget. That opening sentence is amazing. What a way to draw someone in! His thoughts being on Ginny is beautiful and heartbreaking. I love the little flashbacks to something ridiculous like pet names. It’s a beautiful image, the happiness and the teasing being the last thing on his mind. This story is so perfectly crafted that it cannot be put into words the beauty and angst you can write for this family. It is sixteen years after the war and it takes sixteen years for Harry to realize he’s not invincible. Of course, he’s known this deep down, but part of him has refused to believe it. It’s not some dangerous dark lord or the baddest villain to grace the streets, no, it’s a petty illegal potions smuggler and he almost kills him. Having to undergo these dangerous medical procedures, hoping healers can heal him not only really shows that even magic has its limitations but shows Harry that he is not going to live forever. “Brontide” introduces us to the point of view Teddy Lupin and the smart, confident, and loving teenager he has become who suddenly is forced to take care of his family because he’s terrified that the only father he’s ever known is going to die. It’s heartbreaking and beautiful and stunningly written to witness Harry’s process through his eyes. The fear, the acceptance, the fight, and ultimately that stumble that leads him into a dangerous and completely plausible addiction. The little teases that Ginny immediately notices in his personality changes, the mistakes he makes, and ultimately that rock bottom he is forced to find before he can accept the mistakes he’s made. This story is a touching tale about love, comfort, life, death, mistakes, forgiveness, and ultimately knowing that family will always be there for you. I have never read anything remotely like it and I applaud you for the sheer uniqueness of this amazing tale.

The little one-shot in between, The Curse of the Monthlies was the cute hilarity one needs to bridge the gap between a new story and the darkness that “Brontide” left behind. And you absolutely killed it. Harry was so awkward and oh my god, Ron of all people! This reminds me of how Ron was so good at doing Rose’s hair and he teased Harry for it. Ron is just so sensitive, isn’t he? He wants to show he cares and understands his girls, but poor Lily! I can’t believe she mirror called Albus! That’s adorable! And Scorpius with his ‘no pun intended’ gave me a snort. You have a way of giving every character a personality that can be seen in even small, short sentences.

Lastly, your current work in progress, Legerdemain is by far one of the best next generation stories I have ever read. Albus accused of domestic terrorism? Lily falling in love with the most perfect man known as Rayko Krum? Teddy and Victoire dealing with the hardest moment as parents? James and Riley juggling careers and married life? Hinny dealing with trying to help their adult kids… it is a story that is brilliantly stupendous. I honestly cannot wait to see what happens next.

You are honestly one of the most incredible authors I have ever read in my entire life. I love your work. Your passion for it. The way you write and mold characters to become these people I am so attached to. The way you breathe life into people like Demelza Robbins and make me love everything about her, despite knowing next to nothing about her canonically. Harry and Ron as best mates, brothers, and Aurors is amazing. I love how they interact, how they joke and protect each other, how they turn to each other in hard times. They love each other more than anything in the world and it’s beautiful. George Weasley… I never expected to grow so fond of him, but no one has ever written George so well. I love his sense of humour, the way he loves whole-heartedly, and how perfect Angelina really is for him. I love his brotherly relationship with Harry and I won’t even say how much my heart is broken by what you did to them in “Legerdemain” (I am still not over it). The other person you write with such amazing tenacity is Luna. She always seems to show up when things get tough and I am hoping that we will see her at some point in “Legerdemain.” Luna is a hard character for most people to write and yet you always seem to make her perfectly Luna in every way. But what makes you such a gift writer is how you can so seamlessly jump between breaking our hearts, making our hearts stop in mind-numbing fear to absolute shock before we are either crying our eyes out in distress or because we are laughing so hard. It is truly an incredible gift.

Thank you for writing this incredible, stupendous, and amazing universe. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for everything.

PS: I am VERY excited at the prospect of a James and Riley (we need a ship name for them, omg they can be Jily too!) story to follow “Legerdemain,” your James Sirius Potter has fast become one of my favourite characters in your universe. I love his similarity to Ron, his dramatics, the way he loves his family, his love of gossip, and just in general, I love him. I can’t wait to see more of him in the future. Thank you.

Sincerely,

A Very Happy Reader. 😍

I literally want to ugly cry right now. I want to shrink you and carry you around on my shoulder to make me feel better anytime I am down about literally anything in life.

I cannot even begin to express in words how much I have enjoyed your review journey or how much I appreciate this monster tumblr lovefest. It makes my heart want to burst and spit out rainbows everywhere. I want to be your friend and just chat all the time because you are such a wonderful soul and beautiful person.

I am at such a loss of words right now. All I can think to say is thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You have made my day, weekend, week, and month! I hope you continue to enjoy my stories. I update every Sunday (or attempt to but I haven’t missed a week yet with Legerdemain so fingers crossed).

Just… thank you. 😭😭😭 I really needed something like this.

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 4 years ago

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(pt 1) i really enjoy all your atla analyses & you've done a great job breaking down the usual arguments re how eip shows that kataang shouldn't have happened. i'm curious about your take on one specific argument that i just saw today, in an analysis of the show by a zker that was otherwise quite good and respectful (i know you've already talked about eip a lot, so no problem if you don't feel like rehashing). the premise: aang didn't just pressure katara in eip, he threatened her.

(pt 2) they point to when katara joins aang & asks if he’s alright: “aang: no, i’m not! i hate this play! katara: i know it’s upsetting, but it sounds like you’re overreacting. aang: overreacting? if i hadn’t blocked my chakra, i’d probably be in the avatar state right now!” the suggestion is he’s threatening her when he says ‘i’d probably be in the avatar state right now’ to describe his anger. i think this take exaggerates and oversimplifies it, but interested in your thoughts on it.

Hello my friend!! It is true I am Old inside and don’t like rehashing dhdlksjslks BUT your comments on my posts are always incredibly kind and insightful so I am more than willing to do a bit of rehashing for you 🥰 Besides! I’ve seen this general take before a few times and it’s always irked me for the exact reason you point out - it simultaneously exaggerates and oversimplifies the situation (and honestly that’s an impressive duality since it’s seemingly contradictory, so hats off to them lmaooo) - and now is as good a time as any to address it. So, for starters, let’s go ahead and get the excerpt they love to focus on so much:

Cut to Aang standing alone on a balcony. Katara enters and walks up to him.

Katara: Are you all right?

Aang: [Angered.] No, I’m not! I hate this play! [Yanks his hat off and throws it on the ground.]

Katara: I know it’s upsetting, but it sounds like you’re overreacting.

Aang: Overreacting? If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!

Here’s the thing about so-called analyses of this excerpt: in a manner extremely convenient to the poster, they never seek to contextualize this moment. (I mean, to do so would deplatform their entire “argument” - perhaps that’s why they avoid performing a full analysis?) So let’s avoid that pitfall from the start.

Firstly, below are some links to related posts; I’m going to do my best to summarize the most relevant parts, but for anyone who desires greater detail, I gotchu 😤

This post explains why EIP (the play, lol) is imperialist propaganda and is intended to belittle the entire Gaang.

This post explains how Aang never acted “entitled” to Katara’s affections, particularly in regard to EIP.

This post breaks down the infamous EIP kiss like Snopes Fact Checker, covering common misconceptions, important perspectives to consider, etc.

Alright. With that out the way, it’s time for some context.

Aang and Katara have this conversation on the balcony after watching 95% of “The Boy in the Iceberg,” a play chock-full of Fire Nation propaganda that demeans the entire Gaang in order to prop up the Fire Nation as superior (hence why the play ends with Ozai’s victory). Here is my general breakdown of Aang and Katara’s treatment in particular from a previous post:

- katara, an indigenous woman, is highly sexualized and portrayed as overly dramatic and tearful, because the fire nation objectifies women not of their own people and views them as less intelligent and less emotionally stable

- aang, the avatar, the sole survivor of the fire nation’s genocide of the air nomads who is incredibly in-touch with his spirituality and femininity, is portrayed as an overly-airy and immature woman. the fire nation portrays him with a female actor to demean him (like, that’s classic imperialistic propagandist tactics) and furthermore writing his character as a childish airhead reinforces the fire nation sentiment that the air nomads were weak, foolish people who did not deserve to exist in their world

In other words, these kids have just watched almost an entire play that preys upon their insecurities and depicts them using racist and sexist stereotypes about their respective nations. It is completely understandable that tensions might run a little high and that their interactions would not be as balanced as usual (Katara and Aang have a great track record of communicating well with each other, as it happens!).

So we have to keep that in mind when examining the aforementioned excerpt. But there are other factors to consider, too! Namely: they are kids. Children. Teens. Aang is 12, Katara is 14.

If we want to be scientific, a person’s brain doesn’t finish developing until they are 25, lmao, and the preteen/teen years are when the prefrontal cortex that controls “rationality,” “judgement,” “forethought,” etc. is still developing. This doesn’t mean Aang and Katara are irrational and make poor decisions 24/7 (obviously not), but it does mean that in an intense, highly emotional situation, like after watching a play that intentionally demeans them and depicts them as inferior, they are more likely to overreact, more likely to be emotional, and more likely to make mistakes. Like, I’m serious, lol. “Teens process information with the amygdala.” That’s part of the brain that helps control emotions! It’s why teens sometimes struggle to articulate what we’re thinking, especially in situations that require instinct/impulse and quick decisions, because we’re really feeling whenever we make those choices. Acting more on emotion. Our brains simply haven’t finished developing the decision-making parts, lmao.

In sum: Aang and Katara are both kids, not adults, and should be interpreted as such. This doesn’t negate their intelligence, because they are both incredibly smart and Aang is arguably the wisest of the Gaang, but they are human. Young humans. They have emotions, and we should not be so cruel as to assume they’d never act on them.

So taking that all together, we can now acknowledge the high stress Aang and Katara are under, understand why they might be upset (*cough* imperialist propaganda is hurtful *cough*), and examine how their youth might play into their emotional reactions. And funny thing - all analyses that come to the conclusion of Aang “threatening” Katara here do not usually bother with this context. I can’t imagine why!

And you know what, let’s add one more piece of context: Sokka states that Aang left the theater “like, ten minutes ago,” which is what cues Katara to go look for him on the balcony. The reason I mention this line is because to me, it suggests Aang knew he was more worked up than usual! He chose to separate himself from his friends so he could process his frustration! He did not take his anger at the play out on them; instead, he purposefully took time and space to be alone.

With that in mind, I don’t understand at all how Aang’s Avatar state quote could be interpreted as a threat? Canonly, Aang is someone who was aware enough of his frustration to separate himself from the others - yet the logical next step is him threatening Katara as a result? He knew his intense emotions were because of the play (which he says himself), so the logical conclusion is that he then pinned the fault on Katara? What?? Sorry, that interpretation has no textual basis, lmao. But I digress!

Aang tells Katara, “If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!” As you said, this is the line people point to in an attempt to justify their (baseless) conclusion that Aang is “threatening” Katara. So let’s bring in the two key pieces of context: imperialist propaganda and age. Given that Aang is 12, and given that Aang has just watched almost a full play that demeans him and everything his people stood for (and let’s not forget it also mocks his and Katara’s love for each other)…

His reaction is understandable. An exaggeration and needlessly dramatic, but understandable. He feels vulnerable and insecure and Aang is human. He is human and flawed and he overreacts here and I love that A:TLA shows how even our heroes, even people who are truly good at heart and in soul, can get overly upset (especially given the aforementioned circumstances!). Would Aang actually be in the Avatar state at that moment, had it been possible? Of course not! He’s young and he’s hurt and as such he says something dramatic to convey his anxieties and frustrations. The line is not meant to be taken literally, and seeing people do so despite all the factors that should be taken into consideration when analyzing it… Cue a long, tired sigh from me and so many other A:TLA fans.

And to be honest? I cannot fathom how people watch this episode and come to the conclusion that Aang is “threatening” Katara. To me, this episode - besides being a recap episode - is one that humanizes our cast even further. Aang snaps at Katara, kisses her when he shouldn’t (which the story appropriately treats as wrong). Katara pushes down her true feelings and retreats into herself, afraid to start a relationship with the boy she loves because she’s already lost him once before and can’t bear to do so again. Zuko further confronts the hurt he’s enacted upon others, especially upon Iroh. Toph practices being vulnerable and accepting vulnerability from others by conversing with Zuko. Sokka witnesses how others have erased his contributions and labelled him as nothing more than the token nonbender in the group. Even Suki learns that she is not the only person who holds a place in Sokka’s heart and that she can never replace what he has lost.

To watch this episode where our heroes must come to terms with how the Fire Nation deems them inherently inferior, with how they have more fights to overcome in the future with the Fire Nation than a single war, and to come to the conclusion that… that what, Aang is abusive? A monster? Irredeemable? That he would threaten his best friend, someone he loves in every way?

Wow. That says more than enough about the viewer, doesn’t it?

#getting back into the swing of things babey ✌️#aang #katara #kataang #kataangtag #the ember island players #atla #avatar the last airbender #amy answers #dramaticowl #amy analyzes #also i am speaking in GENERAL TERMS here lmaooo this is not a direct response to any one post 😂😂

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featherymalignancy · 3 years ago

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Hello! I've seen your comments on how you change a few things when writing the characters, and I really think it's fascinating! I really enjoy see your version, because they are never OOC (I don't know how you do this magic).

And thinking of that, I have some questions...

Do you have your characters versions ready and figured out before you start writing your fics? How is this process of finding out how you want to write them?

And also what are your thoughts on Nessian in ACSF that you felt the need to change them a little? Did you like them? Did you like the book?

I don't think I ever saw your opinion and I really like how you articulate your answers. And I hope I'm not overstepping with all these questions 🥺

This got so long, sorry in advance!

Thank you! I know that character extrapolation isn’t for everyone, but to me it’s what writing fic is about! I like to think I am very intentional with the additions/character expansions I’ve made in my fics, often seeking to expand areas I felt were left somewhat underdeveloped in canon. (Illyrian culture, anyone??)

I also have a personal preference for setting my modern AUs in the real world, so you will never see a modern Rhysand living in skyscraper in Velaris or modern Aelin being described as a Terrasenian (?) citizen. That is not an indictment of the many incredible writers who do structure their modern AUs this way, i just find it easy to ground my modern stories in a world I can easily research if I need details (a restaurant for them to visit, a street for them to live on, etc)

As far as “editing” character personalities from canon, i think the key for me is trying to understand who the character is at their core, and altering the elements that I personally don’t feel jive with those core motivations.

I’ve talked a lot about writing canon Nesta, and how I’ve pivoted the Archeron sisters’ relationship based on my own experience as the youngest of three daughters. I just didn’t always feel their interactions rang true, particularly in ACOSF.

And since you asked…

I think enough time has passed now that I can just be honest and say I didn’t love ACOSF. I didn’t hate it, but I can’t say I would give it any more than a 5/10. To me, the story wasn’t properly paced, which made for a plot that was slow in some places and rushed in others.

Also—and I cannot believe I am saying this—but there was too much smut. There was a lot of elements that deserved to be fleshed out and wasn’t (HELLO ILLYRIAN CULTURE??) and the smut was largely all the same to me, which made it boring and repetitive. (Also calm down with the bodily fluids my GOD)

In terms of Nessian, I would say their resolution was acceptable, if not particularly satisfying. Obviously I’m biased because if you know me you know that I hate the mating bond, but it IRKED me that Cassian was foaming at the mouth to call Nesta “mate” but never said, “I love you”. I get that he does loved her, but I feel like it would have been nice to get to hear it and get Nesta’s reaction.

Speaking of OOC, I think Rhys’s characterization was a disaster and directly negated his characterization in prior books for the sake of drama. We don’t need to get into it, but Rhys would never keep a secret of that magnitude from Feyre, especially considering the implications with their bargain to die together. Rhys has sacrificed everything for the sake of his people—he would never not make a contingency plan in the event of his death. That is what I mean by rushed. The book was so busy touting itself as steamy and new adult that it forgot to actually write a compelling plot and believable character interactions.

I like the idea that Rhys and Nesta’s relationship is fraught and he is bias and unfair in his interactions with her because that’s very realistic, but it was never actually resolved by them reaching an understanding. We deserved a scene of Rhys and Nesta coming to an understanding and a place of mutual respect for one another, and we never got it.

As far as Nesta’s journey went, it as generally fine, if somewhat rushed. I think her relationship with the Inner Circle was never really hashed out meaningfully, which made their “reconciliation” at the end feel empty and forced.

I really appreciated Nesta finding her own crew and making her own life, with ONE exception (and this is personal preference, not an indictment of people who liked it) but I fucking 👏🏼 hated 👏🏼 the sleepover with Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn. Not because I didn’t love seeing them bond, but because *NO* part of Nesta’s characterization before or after suggested she was the kind of person who would have liked having what amounted to a make-believe tea party with mini ponies and cake. I would have preferred them laying around talking about books until dawn, or going together to see a dance performance. I just found the interaction so OOC that it rang false. Nesta being happy doesn’t mean that she suddenly must be silly to prove it! Gwyn and Emerie both love and accept Nesta for who she is—an introvert and with an cerebral disposition . Silly and happy are not the same thing, and one needn’t act indulge in childhood activities to prove they are unburdened and happy.

As always I’ve gone on too long, but the bottom line is that I try and consider what motivates a character, and I make sure that their actions reflect that motivation realistically. That causal relationship is the heart of good characterization, and is also the reason that I found ACoSF ‘meh’ at best.

Hopefully that answers your question, but feel free to follow up!!♥️♥️

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waatermelon-sugaar · 4 years ago

Text

Annual General Meeting

Gif by @santigarcia

Pairing = Nathan x reader

Words = 1.7k

Summary = Nathan gets jealous at Blue Book’s AGM

Warnings = none I think

A/N = Prompt no.74 requested by @mariesackler as part of my 300 follower celebration, thanks so much, hope you like it! Prompt was “Are you really that jealous?” “You don’t even know how you make me feel.” w/ Nathan and bolded in text

this was kinda inspired by the fact that I’ve been to two AGM’s in as many weeks, and they are very boring. Only ever been to online ones, but I can’t imagine they’re much better in real life lol.

Posted to AO3

Masterlist

***

AGM’s are never fun.

Blue Book attempted to make it more fun (read: successfully made it worse) by having a ball afterwards, giving everyone a chance to relax and properly mingle. The last thing you ever wanted to do after a long boring day of listening to talks, was dress up nicely and talk to boring people about even more boring topics.

Networking wasn’t an instinct that came naturally to you, but you forced yourself to socialise at these events, well aware that this is where the most important people in the tech industry gathered, all on this one night.

Including Nathan Bateman.

You’d met him a couple of years ago, at this exact AGM. It had been your first time representing your company Aardvark on such a large scale, and you had, to put it politely, been bricking yourself.

You hadn’t known who Nathan was at first, mistaking him for someone else who didn’t know anyone in a room full of these big names. You’d gone up to the balcony that ringed the edge of the room for a break, needing a moment before you could compose yourself enough that you could bear even thinking about going back.

You recognised him from the conference earlier that day, having noticed him at the back of the room when you’d gone up to speak on Aardvark’s fiances, not paying a lick of attention to what you, or anyone else had to say, his fingers moving furiously over his phone.

“Enjoying the view?” You hadn’t expected him to speak, both of you occupying separate spaces.

“What?” You didn’t really want to talk to him, but you could see him wanting to come closer, tucking his phone away.

“I always think you can learn more about people’s intentions from up here.” He’s leaning on the rail, while you sit, decidedly not people-watching.

And yet, you get up, arranging your dress to stand next to him. “See him?” The stranger points at an older gentleman with an impressive white beard. “That’s Alfred. He really wants Felix, who’s standing to his left, to charm Nelson, because they want to start a joint venture between the two companies, but Nelson’s under strict orders to make no promises.”

You watch the three men talking for a moment, watching as Felix laughs more when Nelson speaks, and turn to the stranger next to you. “And here I was under the impression that you were jealous of his beard.”

The laugh he lets out is surprised and he looks at you. “What’s your name?” He asks.

You tell him, and the two of you shake hands. “Nathan.” He introduces himself. That should have been your first warning, but you still didn’t connect the dots.

You never ended up going back downstairs that night, instead staying with Nathan as he entertained you on all the reasons why Nelson would never accept the joint venture terms from Felix. You learned about Olivia, and how she’s recently asked for a promotion at her old company, only for them to say no, and how Blue Book has snapped her up with a promotion and a raise. “She’s good.” Is all Nathan would say on it.

It wasn’t until the next morning that you wondered how Nathan had known all of that, waking up to a stream of texts from him, when cold realisation slid down your back.

You could only stare in shock at your phone. Why hadn’t you realised last night? You couldn’t even blame it on alcohol.

And what started as texts also turned into the occasional facetime, when you couldn’t articulate your point well enough or fast enough via type.

And then you looked forward to the next AGM, and the one after, hoping that maybe this year you’ll be brave enough to make your move on Nathan.

Normally you’d spend the beginning of the evening talking to as many people as you could, so your managing director would hear that you’d attended, before taking the first opportunity to escape to the balcony, where you and Nathan could pass comments and scathing judgments on those down below.

“I hope Felix gathers up the courage to ask Olivia out one day.”

“Maybe tonight’ll be the night.” The two of you watch as Felix and Olivia make their way over to the bar, chattering and laughing. Olivia touches Felix’s arm as she laughs, slightly over the top. You’ve talked to Felix before, and he’s not that funny.

You keep scanning the crowd, looking for Alfred, gasping a little too loud when you catch sight of him. “Nathan!”

The speed he turns his attention to you would be flattering if you weren’t so distracted, groaning theatrically. “He’s shaved!”

Nathan turns to where you’re looking, catching sight of the distinctly younger-looking, clean-shaven Alfred. “That was my idea.” He’s so smug.

You hit him in the chest, not hard enough to hurt. “No you didn’t.”

“I so did. I may have casually put some prompts in front of him that implied that a beard is not in fashion anymore.”

“So you’ve just proved the point I’ve made for all these years,” you say, “You have been jealous of his beard.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but - “Sorry to interrupt.” It’s Nelson. “Would you like to dance?” He asks, holding out a hand to you.

Figuring you can’t say no without seeming rude, and hoping you maybe get a free drink out of it, you accept, hand brushing against Nathan’s in a silent apology as you leave.

Nelson’s nice enough, looking only a couple of years younger than you. As you follow him downstairs you briefly entertain the idea of going home with him at the end of the night. You know you could. You always have more confidence with people you’re not actually interested in.

However, you’ve never fully appreciated just how boring he is. Despite your best attempts all he wants to talk about is his business and Blue Book, and Nathan. Whose eyes you can feel burning a hole in your back throughout the whole dance.

At the end of the song, he gets you a drink, which you accept, before politely excusing yourself, feigning tiredness. You might actually fall asleep if you spend any longer in his presence.

You catch Nathan on his way downstairs, scowling. “Are you alright?”

“I’m going.” Was he this brusque before? “Do you still want me to walk you back to your hotel?”

You eye him up. Do you? He doesn’t look to be in the best mood. But then this is Nathan, who you won’t see until next year, so you say yes, dumping your free drink and grabbing your coat from the cloakroom on the way out.

Nathan’s unusually quiet on the way back, and a sneaking suspicion starts to appear. Suddenly your retelling of your dance with Nelson is shown in a much more flattering light way, the kind way he bought you a drink, and- “If you enjoyed dancing with that idiot so much, why didn’t you stay there with him?”

You stop walking, surprised, but pleased at his reaction. “Are you really that jealous?”

He just huffs. “I don’t get jealous.”

“No?” You raise an eyebrow as the two of you stand in the middle of the pavement under a streetlight. “You gonna tell me what all this is really about then?”

The two of you stare at each other for a moment, silent aside from the occasional car. You can’t tell what he’s thinking, eyes hidden in the shadows of his face.

You walk the rest of the way in silence, suddenly feeling much more alone. You’re not great at picking up hints but you’d have to blind to miss this one. Because he is jealous. That’s an undeniable fact. But he doesn’t want to say anything - why?

You stop, just outside the light spilling from your hotel lobby. “Nathan!” He doesn’t look at you, instead reaching for his phone in his pocket. You step closer to him, holding his wrist by his waist, forcing his phone to stay at his side.

“You don’t know how you make me feel, do you?” You’re trying to look at his face, trying to read him as best you can in the darkness, but he doesn’t want to see it. “Nathan, look at me. Really.” You sound desperate, but you don’t care. “Just. Look at me.”

So he does. His eyes are analytical, his face the way he looks when the two of you peer over the balcony. And he sees the dress you’re wearing, in a colour he’d once said was his favourite on you.

How soft your hand is on his wrist, still gripping him tightly as though you’re scared he’ll run. As he looks at you, your breath speeds up a little, hitching slightly in your throat. Your lips are slightly parted, and your eyes keep flicking between his eyes and lips. Your free hand is fluttering at your side like you want to touch him, and your body is leaning towards him.

Hesitantly, he puts his free hand on your waist, and you step closer to him. His eyes are still scanning your face. Has he really never seen you in this way before?

“Nathan…” His name is a whisper, but your heads are so close now. “What are you doing?” It’s a warning for him as his eyes desperately move across your body, his shortening in his chest.

When he speaks, his voice is lower than normal. “I never even dared imagine that…” He stops himself too soon, and looks away.

You put your hand on his cheek, bringing his gaze back to you. “What?” Your voice is soft, you don’t want to scare him away. You’re suddenly very conscious that Nathan has never before talked about an ex-anything with you, and you hate your brain for dropping that one on you now.

“You’re interested … like that … in me?”

You kiss him.

It’s soft, on the lips for a couple of seconds before stepping away, letting go of him.

You’re suddenly shy and you don’t know why. “Does that answer your question?”

Had it been lighter, you would have seen the blush rising on Nathan’s cheeks before he kisses you this time, keener and more insistent, his hand returning to your waist, while yours moves to his shoulder.

You take him up to your hotel room, and teach him what you really like.

***

Thanks for reading! Reblogs and comments mean the world to me 🥰🥰🥰

#nathan x reader #nathan bateman x reader #ex machina #nathan bateman #nathan bateman x you

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sunhalf-a · 3 years ago

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piper’s a deeply jealous person in romantic relationships — though, blessedly, much less in platonic ones. ironically, her jealousy ( or lack thereof ) in either situation stems from the same source.

piper believes deeply that they’re not worth staying with — be that platonically or romantically �� and every relationship she forms is temporary and transitive; they’re perpetually just sort of waiting it out until their next abandoning. i use the word ‘abandon’ not in a judgemental way — piper is shitty! in a lot of ways they deserve it, and nobody owes them sticking around while they sabotage or act cruel — but just because it’s most encompassing of how deeply piper feels it every time she’s left behind.

in platonic relationships, they see this as affording them a degree of protection; expect the abandoning, and it doesn’t hurt as much. accordingly, they’re not jealous if friends spend more time with others, make new friends, or even ghost or purposefully exclude them. ( as a general rule, if there’s a friend group piper is a part of — such as rivlachpipes — she’ll always assume that she’s the least favourite in the circle. ) she’ll be a little sad, and probably snark a little, of course, but generally they’ll accept that. take it lying down. it doesn’t occur to her to feel jealous. envious, maybe, but not in a way she’d act on.

( this is also how piper tends to take being outright dumped, in a romantic context — they don’t blow up in the moment or anything, generally they just sort of shut down and accept it. it’s remarkably mature for them, at least on the surface. )

however, if a romantic partner flirts with other people, almost irrespective of piper’s relation to the other person, piper gets angry. it might make them snap, be cruel, or attempt to sabotage the relationship; ruin it before she can be left behind. she’s likely to shun both her partner and the other person, even if the other person is a close friend who didn’t do anything; alternatively, she’ll blow up. this comes from the same place as their casual reaction to being ignored by friends or dumped; it’s just that in this particular context, rather than prompting numb acceptance, it makes her wildly angry. she couldn’t even articulate why it’s so different, but it is. ‘i can stand if you’re not mine, but i can’t stand for you to be someone else’s without abandoning me properly first.’ there might be a sense of ‘i was always going to be left behind, but you don’t get to get out of actually leaving me first.’ it’s not that piper loves partners more than friends, but how she loves them is different, and she finds being ‘betrayed’ in a romantic context much more upsetting.

‘i really wasn’t good enough for anyone to love ( romantically ). i’m going to through a goddamn tantrum about it.’

this becomes doubly hypocritical given piper’s own penchant for flirting with others to make a partner jealous ( or just to self - sabotage ), though piper wouldn’t actually go farther than flirting — she wouldn’t kiss a person she wasn’t seeing, or have sex or the like. still, the kind of flirting piper takes part in would make her very angry if a partner were doing the same thing. ( her flirting tends to slow down or, at least, get more explicitly teasing the longer the relationship lasts and the less compelled they feel to a.) seek out outside validation of their value and b.) less inclined to sabotage because you’ve convinced them you’re not gonna leave them no matter how much she fucks things up. )

this all being said, piper isn’t suspicious; they’re not the sort to go through phones or imagine romantic tension that isn’t there. a partner has to actually do something to trigger the jealous ( ie. flirt with someone else ) — they’re not going to be mad just because their partner has friends of their gender or whatever. and if she sees someone else flirting with a partner, she’ll get jealous and may be ( unintentionally / subconsciously ) prickly with the partner for a bit or until they’re called on it, but they won’t be actually angry. they will probably sidle up and throw a hand around your waist and pull the “who’s this, baby?” sort of thing. but, again, if the partner isn’t flirting back or the like, they’re not going to nuts or blame their partner for something they didn’t do.

#✦ * piper — headcanon.#steals this concept from dove n syd cutely

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ruby-whistler · 4 years ago

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@justalads hi, hello! made a new post because didn't want to clog up everything with a suuper long string of reblogs, so i hope you don't mind!

also, i'm sorry to ask you this, but i have trouble focusing - in your next reply, would you maybe mind cutting up the big paragraphs into smaller ones? i'm nd and it's extremely difficult to concentrate at long strings of text like that, which is why i usually cut up everything i say into chunks :]

(actually had to have my friend cut up your last reply because he's a v fast reader, shoutout ani lmao)

anyways, let's continue the debate i say because there's a lot to still talk about in my opinion as well

/dsmp /rp, and of course all /lh

as for the whole was manipulated / wasn't manipulated thing, there's pretty much a divide amongst most people i know whether or not to call it that - but since that word's been misused a lot in this fandom, here is the instance most people are referring to, for you to judge for yourself, in this very (in my opinion) well-written analysis!

since i myself am very confused about the subject but i think it'd be better for you to read that first, i'll just move past that for now i think.

i attached a lot more resources this time because i remembered that a lot of people who agree with me on these things are smarter than me so, sorry for the links you'll have to click through this time but i think it could help me articulate what i actually want to say better.

i don't think i entirely get your point about it "making sense for him to progress like this". i don't know what you mean by 'make sense'. it comes off as 'he was always going to become this way because of the kind of person he was in the beginning' which, i don't agree with in general? because no, you don't just become a bad person, and especially with c!dream i find that this ignores a lot of the things that he went through.

also, i wouldn't say everyone had equal hand in what happened. "a product of his environment" means everything sort of mixed together; the way the world works; a cycle of violence, eye for an eye, and no therapy or communication.

dream's spiral isn't a result of any one character's actions. c!wilbur started the whole big wars and animosity thing, but that's only about 50% of what i'd call "the environment". there's also a lot of personal mistakes and miscommunication mixed in.

so no, i'm not saying it was entirely "other characters"' fault, what i mean is more that they contributed by you know, treating him as the incarnation of all evil, breaking his personal boundaries, overall just no one treating him like they should a person (this is overall their attitude over multiple seasons), etc..

and also another thing i meant to say was that he didn't deserve the abandonment. no one deserves to lose half their friends once (l'manberg when they turned against him for literally no good reason in his eyes), and then watch the ones who were the last remaining and the closest ones he had, leave him one by one because of an image of himself he had no control over, which was started by one and then perpetuated until he became a literal hate magnet. people did hurt c!dream, and he didn't deserve that.

all i'm saying is that i see where he is coming from, and that his spiral wasn't a result of powerhungriness, or cruelty, or any other personal flaw, but it was literally someone who cared about people too much getting driven too far by the circumstances he was put into.

and i think that is my overall statement for now.

you said i was "brushing it off as george being a drama queen" for the whole dethronement scene. i read what you said about it, and i'd like to ask you to once again watch the actual stream.

george literally tried to steal the l'mantree and got assassinated by techno beforehand. i don't see why he would be in any way in the wrong for dream taking away his kingship, and i don't think it is reminiscent of a power dynamic or dream having "higher authority".

dream thinking george can't handle himself is completely justified considering what he did and how he didn't even attempt to stay neutral. he was supposed to be a diplomatic figure who would make sure the dream smp doesn't get into wars, that was the point of pretending to be a monarchy (because the dsmp really just isn't, it's anarchy with a diplomatic representative and an army general).

here's a thread which besides other things mentions things dream did for the two of them, and besides fighting with him in one (george) or two (sapnap) wars they really weren't "loyal to him for a long while" compared to the amount of times he sacrificed things for them.

"have an equal say in things" doesn't apply when one of the three is trying to keep peace and the other two instigate conflict left and right. like i'm sorry but i don't see why dream would owe them a say in the faction he's trying to protect.

dream doesn't think of them as lower. that actually just sounds like guilt-tripping your friend to let you take care of a pet you've poisoned before and he had to rush to the hospital. peace is fragile and these two weren't responsible enough to be given the power to break it.

to say "george didn't want" it was an overstatement. he literally did nothing as a king and he had no control in the first place (because the dream smp doesn't have a government in the first place).

the whole thing about him being sad was for show because c!george is a manipulative prick who takes advantage of his friends for fun. and i don't mean this in a bad way, he's not a bad person for it, he's actually a really fun character more than anything, and he doesn't hurt anyone on purpose - but he's a jerk! he's done it before and now he's doing it again, and he continues to do it (dreamxdcoughcough-)

so no dream was. absolutely not in the wrong here, it wasn't even supposed to be public, george just made a big deal out of it.

the last thread i mentioned also talks about the whole "spirit speech" thing and, answer me a question - would you consider it justified for all of tommy's friends (even tubbo who he's been close with for so long) to abandon him just because he's said basically the same thing about the discs - like three times?

that's just the double standards though. phil and techno are still being hated on for "abandoning" a kid they barely know - and meanwhile dream's been given up on by everyone he's ever cared about before being given a chance, but people try to find ways it's his fault, like it matters.

it doesn't matter, because abandonment hurts you, no matter if the people have good reasons for it or not, and in this case they didn't. the point i'm making is this character has been hurt and has been actively hurting and it's been ignored for bias' sake.

i'm not saying they're bad people for it, or responsible for his actions. some of them are bad people independently (/hj). but they still affected him.

“if respect is the only thing protecting you from a knife in the back, then respect is nothing, right?” yeah? i don't see the point in this either. interesting to point out that dream learned this the hard way with you know, no one having respect for him as a person and only being able to fight for what he cares about via 'an axe and a shield'.

and no, dream didn't have an arising god complex. he was becoming more desperate for control because of his circumstances over the course of s2, but the god complex only happened in the prison because he had all control of everything (who he gets to talk to, what and when he gets to eat) taken away for months before being shown a smidge of power again. that's just a natural reaction to very messed up circumstances that had no buildup other than that.

the no-remorse thing - he could be remorseful and we wouldn't know. that's not even speculation, that's just saying that pretending to know whether or not he regrets things is a weak argument because we have no evidence for or against; we don't see his pov. that he doesn't show it doesn't say anything, it's a vital part of his character that he doesn't show what he's thinking.

"friends support each other" yes, and none of c!dream's "friends" ever did. it's a contrast with how much support for example tommy, tubbo, or wilbur got. not saying they weren't all abandoned as well, but no one has been alone to the point c!dream was or completely emotionally isolated for so long. his experience in this way is unique, and hence it's formed him in a way it hasn't anyone else.

dream didn't hurt george. he did create a place in the vault for his fish (that would be mars, not beckerson though), and he did do bad things to other people. he had reasons to be upset at someone who he didn't expect to do bad things doing them. it doesn't justify the things he said. it's a lot of explanation vs. justification when it comes to this server, and this is an example of this.

it wasn't a reaction to him being directly hurt by him, which is what you had implied (if i remember correctly) in the last post, and it wasn't right of him to do. also i agree he wasn't betraying him with what he said in prison, he'd done that a long time ago anyways.

"puffy does not dismiss people’s trauma just because they are adults, or if she does i haven’t seen strong evidence of it." jack, nikki and in a way the eggpire. dream is not far behind, but not the main example.

"you point out that she’s a guardian figure but from what i remember that lasted for a couple streams and after that wasn’t really mentioned in canon. if she really saw him like that, then maybe she would have checked up on him earlier and maybe would have told him off."

i'm pretty sure it was canonized by cc!puffy saying c!puffy isn't his biological mom, but that she sees herself as his guardian figure. so yes, she really saw him like that, and yeah, she "would've" checked up on him earlier; or rather "should've", but she didn't, and that's precisely what i'm talking about. that's not how you treat someone you allegedly see as being a guardian of. not saying c!puffy's a bad person, but she's another one c!dream was attached to and who failed to ever reach out to him before deeming him deserving of what he's (was, because admittedly it's gotten worse since) going through.

"she said at one point that he didn’t deserve to see her but she still cared about him."

this is what i mean when i say she has a moral superiority problem. like she's doing something extra by being a decent person. i know this might come across as cynical, and i swear i don't hate the character, but that sentence is very hypocritical, you must admit.

"she did try."

nope! she said she was going to try. that's the problem. i'm not talking about intentions here in the slightest, i'm talking about the actual consequences and effect it had on him as a character and why it's just very sad in my opinion that none of the people he thought were close to him stood by his side or even attempted to help him.

the entire original post was very clearly stated as not blaming most of these characters for acting in the way they did. it was "critical" of a lot of them in a way, but i never said anything negative about them other than describing things they did that had a negative effect.

i stand by that, because i truly believe they did all those things, and them having good intentions or personal feelings doesn't change that. it contextualizes them, but doesn't take away from the harm.

saying "it's not her fault" about puffy for example or that "it was just a reaction" is excusing those things, which is what i disagree with.

here is a thread as to why people like puffy or sapnap saying certain things is understandable but still very messed up, please read since it details parts of what i've said here in an arguably better way.

you also phrased the whole "she didn't abandon him either" part like he was the one who cut the ties which is not true. she wasn't there for him, is the point. another person he cared about who didn't prove to care about him enough to stop him from spiralling or try help at all.

if "they don't owe him anything" is your base argument against someone being hurt via being left by people they care about over and over again until they're utterly alone with no support system and unhealthy mindsets, we might have to agree to disagree :) /nm

please clarify if that wasn't the intention, because it sounds like it.

"i think that how people feel about it depends a lot on when they started watching, and who they were watching. the thing you have to take into consideration is that at the start of l’manburg, a lot of the roleplay was not very serious. the sides were messier than they are today. that doesn’t work or make sense for people who want to see it as only one thing, and are fixed in their ways so much that they’ll ignore canon to prove their point."

i've been watching since august and yeah, i agree. i've always seen c!dream as in the right at that point, so it's definitely different for the people who haven't seen that happen.

"you seem to have a very fixed view of wilbur: that he only wanted power, that he enjoyed tearing people apart, that he lied all the time, and that he was attempting to paint dream as something he wasn’t."

to be fair, you seem to have a very fixated view of wilbur too. i do think he wanted power, but also just to revolt for the sake of it - i don't think he straight up enjoyed it but it was a means to his ends, i don't think he lied all the time but he lied much more than people realize, and i don't think he just attempted, i dare to say he was extremely successful.

"you also see him as conscious of what he was doing the entire time, and sort of treating the war like a game."

i'd say a story or narrative is a much more fitting metaphor. also yeah he's so much smarter than people give him credit for, but i guess covering it up was intentional as well, because manipulation ain't meant to be obvious at first sight now is it? like for example c!dream, that man was awful at it. he's just. so bad. unironically. he did cause a lot of harm, not diminishing that, but man. his manipulation is the clumsiest thing i've ever seen, people calling him a puppeteer is such an overstatement, it's really funny to me.

now c!wilbur? he was really good at it. that's what i mean by "you need more than intelligence", because emotions are stronger than critical thinking and can be exploited easier. all the sentimentality around l'manberg is a great example.

"wilbur didn’t go around trying to recruit people by saying “dream is bad”." yeah no he started by straight up lying to fundy when they first met (if you rewatch the hot dog van video, there's really no denying that), then he lied some more to tubbo while praising him every time he followed his orders, i don't completely remember eret's recruitment, and tommy looked up to him since the beginning, and it's very easy to see that c!wil took advantage of that.

he did tell people they needed to revolt against tyranny though, that's precisely what he did and how he got them to side with him in the war. by tyranny he meant everyone in the server who wasn't european, picking dream as the scapegoat since he had the most power (not by establishing it in any way, but simply by being skilled) and it was smart to do that, not gonna lie!

"weak businessman" is just not true. he was planning to "use the tommyinnits of the world" aka, the "young and naive" (his words, not mine) ones whom he could "mold", in order to establish a capitalist empire based on stealing from people while lying to them about saving them from being sick.

this man was planning to take power from the start and he was going to use lies to get what he needed. from the beginning i have no reason to believe why he would change his goals when he proceeded to do that very thing and achieve it, just put "revolution" instead of "business" as a guise of what he was actually doing.

"you quoted revivedbur’s stream as proof it was, which is funny because despite saying wilbur is someone who lies you missed a kind of big one." yeah, as someone who mentioned people ignoring canon earlier you missed kind of a big one.

the only reason people disbelieve this is not because it doesn't align with canon, but because they assume he's lying for the sole reason that it doesn't align with the way they see canon.

the reason i believe it is not because i believe a word c!wilbur says (i never have and never will), but because it aligns with what actual evidence has been saying from the start, as well as the way cc!wilbur talks about the character. it's simply further confirmation of what many people already knew; an extension even, if you will.

people tend to take things characters say at face value and then use it as their only evidence; "if you want to hear why l’manburg was created, you have to listen to wilbur when he created it."

what they actually ignore is you know, the actions, not the words. according to his actions and all known laws of logic, he was lying since the beginning, and that is the point. and it makes sense for him to lie, unlike in alivebur's case.

"i say he cared about l’manburg because it drove him to death."

yeah he did care! cc!wilbur said so! he also said he cared about it in a twisted way and that he had an unhealthy view of possessions. he thought l'manberg his and no one else's, a weapon of power for him to use however he pleases.

unlike dream who destroyed himself bit by bit trying to take back what he cares about, because it was not power, but people - wilbur saw no more worth in it and destroyed it instead. his own death and spiral was a collateral, because that isn't a healthy mindset either.

interesting foils, actually, i didn't notice that before.

"the whole time wilbur was attempting to portray a character who was a chronic liar and manipulator, and it was all planned out from the start. purely because of the chaos of season one i don’t think this is possible."

i reckon you're underestimating cc!wilbur here. that man could play a convincing, complex, morally messed up character while roleplaying with kindergarteners.

"and, you know, if he’s saying “dream is not our enemy” that hardly sounds like forcing a narrative onto him?" i mean i don't think i need to give evidence as to wilbur calling him a tyrant right after. i was just talking about how hypocritical and downright ridiculous his later accusations are, which you didn't address.

"because what he’s saying is that dream’s actions are tyrannical, his rule is tyrannical, not him." no actually, he said right after; 'big words, that's what we use in war', about calling him that, so i don't reckon that is the case. he was calling him that for the sake of it, and later on everyone ended up believing him about that despite there being no evidence. i must admit, the man's very good at what he does. he constantly changes the narrative to whatever benefits him and somehow gets away unnoticed. that was my point.

dream didn't tell sapnap it was a bad idea because it wasn't...? wilbur was going around stealing from people while lying to them. wil was framing himself to be the victim. like the whole "drugs" bit was funny but wilbur was only making drugs to estabilish, once again, a capitalistic empire he would be in charge of, on dream's land, and he was also doing it via dishonest means.

the intentions never changed, it was simply the way it was achieved that did, which switched from just lying to straight up propaganda when people managed to stop him at first.

so yes, wilbur's definition of tyranny very much was being stopped from stealing.

so yeah, even if dream would've done the same to them, he a hundred percent would be in the right, but he didn't even do that much, which makes wil's accusations all the more ridiculous.

just because sapnap was fighting against being stolen from - and others being stolen from - doesn't make him tyrannical or a government. your teacher in school isn't a government just because she has authority of some kind?

"wilbur’s problem was that sapnap could do that and get away with it." well then that's his problem, because people should be able to get away with protecting themselves and others from people trying to rob everyone on the server of a specific item and then gain power from selling rare supplies.

also it was sapnap and tubbo, they both did the same thing, and wilbur didn't seem to have that much of a problem with tubbo, now did he? he accepted him right after he gave them supplies, then rejected sapnap when he did the same. the people he was accusing of being tyrannical were very selective, and he seemed to be also selectively choosing whoever he was "protecting" from said "tyranny". though i guess "using the tommyinnits of the server" also included using tubbo, now didn't it?

"i highly, highly doubt that was what it was written as at the time."

yeah, dream did quote the lion king, but that doesn't change the way that it was anarchy. dream's "no factions" thing he had going on also included no government by default, showcased by him having problems with people starting countries. if it wasn't anarchy, what was it then? because that's literally the only thing that fits. there was no government and even dream described it as a "family" rather than any form of hierarchy, so i don't get your point. some people are going to have better things than others, and they'll be able to protect themselves and others better, but there is no system in place, that's literally how anarchy works. their mock court with no actual laws enforced by no one doesn't count i don't think.

the fact they thought they had a reason to attack her doesn't change the fact that they attacked first, so dream had all the reasons to believe they were aggressive and was fully justified in declaring war. this makes the statement "dream attacked first" untrue as well.

wilbur knew what he was doing, he knew he was going to scam people for power. if he thought he was being mistreated he could just stop trying to mistreat others.

i do agree it became a lot of other things for other people. i think that's one of the reasons wilbur destroyed it though; it was supposed to be his l'manberg.

if the power was supposed to "let him do what he wanted" then that's quite ironic considering what he wanted was power (you know, the reason he started the drug empire in the first place), not because he wanted to "make drugs undisturbed". that is quite literally an obvious lie he used when they first started and somehow people have totally forgotten that was not the truth.

"he didn't want power over others" cc!wilbur said he wanted to have power over l'manberg because he thought it was something worth having power over. if you consider l'manberg the people, then your statement would be untrue. then again, maybe he simply wanted to have something be fully his because of his possessive nature.

"he would lie about his past actions out of a place of self hatred." is just. reaching, with all due respect. this man might be mentally unstable, but that makes literally no sense when the day before he was saying how he had "plans to make". he thinks ahead, always.

"what if one person wants the “freedom” to attack another? it’s still technically allowed, but obviously it’s morally wrong." yeah that's what i mean by not infringing on the rights of others. in that case they shouldn't have that freedom, just like wilbur shouldn't have the freedom to restrict others' freedom.

also i see the whole "words" schtick as manipulation because it was. they said they "fought with words", like that doesn't sound like a peaceful solution, more like a different approach, and it was because that is what they did.

other people believed in the ideals of l'manberg and they protected it for good reasons, but that doesn't change the fact it was build on lies by a liar and it did exactly what it was meant to do - it divided people.

i actually talk about it in this post here!

"wilbur was saying that he wanted to create something important." nope, the quote continues something like "make them think it's important because you want to have power over it, when it's not." here's the link to the whole clip.

"wilbur showed in the first war that that wasn’t his main motive" i've already said why i find this misinformation. he said it, he didn't show it, and that is because it isn't true.

the "something worth" part is just. taking things out of context to the point they're something completely different. yes, it was worth something to wilbur, and that worth was power. that's literally what that means.

the greater smp did represent anarchy and peace. that were the ideals c!dream was fighting for, and still was later on, that much was obvious if you look deeper into his character, so i'm not going to argue, other than that based on the information i have, it's incorrect.

"someone who wanted peace at the start and someone who tried to protect the thing and people he loved." see you tell me you didn't fall for propaganda and then say this. the thing he loved was his own personal power, and that was the end of it. if he wanted peace he wouldn't be starting factions and accusing people of being tyrannical while he himself was trying to estabilish an empire. i'm not saying he's an awful person, they're all morally grey, but that's just what all the actual evidence points to.

"your view shows him as lying about practically everything to everyone all the time, never caring about the citizens, and striving for conflict."

again, i don't believe he liked conflict for its own sake, but he did create division for his own benefit the way i see it.

yeah wilbur said it genuinely to tubbo when he first brought him armor; when the rule was first established. here's the post where i found it.

wilbur was never a dictator because people didn't listen to him, which is why he did the whole election thing, with his other plan than a democratic election with no democracy being this:

Wilbur: “We can either, Tommy, right – we can either become a dictatorship, okay…we can just suddenly decide, ‘right, we’re in charge,’ and we just start – we start asserting our dominance. Now the key thing to being a dictator, is we need to control the center of power…so we get an army going –”

Tommy: “What is the center of power? Is it like some cube, or like an orb?”

Wilbur: “The army! The army! The banks, you know? We take control of those, and then people will do exactly as we say, right? That’s the dictatorship route, right. The other route is the democracy route. Now, this route’s gonna be slightly harder, but I have a plan. So I was thinking…what better way of making people believe that you’re in charge than by having them vote for you, right?”

so uh, i wouldn't be so quick to say he didn't plan on being oppressive to his people. he was literally planning to start an army and take total control of the economy to "assert dominance" over his own people -because he didn't think they respected his authority enough and was irritated by it - but instead defaulted to lies and manipulation of the crowd. you see a pattern already?

"the feelings of l’manburg were more like friends than a hierarchy even though he was technically in charge." this is the thing with dream though, except there was. actually no hierarchy. the original dream smp was this but actually true instead of just being a front. no one actually needed l'manberg, wilbur made them think they did. tubbo and sapnap used to be friends before this. the friendships inside of it could've existed without, and would've probably been better off without being stained by war.

wilbur didn't fear for anyone's safety, and i don't get where you would get that conclusion. the dream smp was already safe, people like dream and sapnap were making it safe.

"people that were already in l’manburg had been affected firsthand by dream. they knew what he was capable of and so were fighting for l’manburg and each other, not because wilbur told them to." i don't find this true at all, please elaborate because i have reasons to believe this is incorrect.

the quote you’ve listed is very interesting to me, because it first of all shows dream’s “ends justify the means” mentality (that is also shown in an explanation of his motives during moments like this, which happened after the war), as well as trying to end the war as soon as he could.

the dream smp was freedom. the freedom wilbur was asking for was the freedom to take the land, take the people dream considered his friends, divide them and create a government.

wilbur was verbally aggressive with dream since the beginning, back when he was cocky. this only shows that dream was one of the few people who didn’t fall for his words. his main point in his motivation during the war was not wanting to give them independence, which would be, well, giving wilbur power over the land *and* the people. so i think from his position this is extremely understandable.

but back to the topic at hand, wilbur’s speech here means literally nothing, because it’s as untrue as everything he’s said before - in both intention and meaning - as well as being a last attempt at turning the situation in his favor using words. he said he was a peaceful businessman back when he was robbing people, and not like that meant anything when his actions said otherwise. both sides had their losses and were ready to harm the other, neither was the victim, no matter how good wil is at playing one.

dream was giving them chances over and over again. you can literally see he wasn’t hurting them because he wanted to, even despite it being war he was willing to step away at any moment should the other side surrender. and, well, of course dream’s perspective wouldn’t mean anything to wilbur, because he had his own, and he knew no one was going to believe dream anyways; he made sure of it.

i’m not saying he wanted violence, but that doesn’t mean he was good or pacifistic. he was *ready* to be violent if needed (see the armor quote again as well as the fact they literally fought), but i too would be happy if i was able to to colonize someone’s land without any resistance or conflict if you know what i mean. guess wilbur realized rather quickly words wouldn’t work on dream, which is why he got verbally violent and didn’t seem opposed to fighting him later on (during the actual war).

reminds me of exile, in a way. can’t get them to listen to you and give you what you want? get them out of the way in a different manner.

either way, point is; i’m sure wilbur didn’t want to fight, i don’t think him a fan of violence *at all* but he was the instigator and was ready to perpetuate war to get what he wanted. (see him also being willing to make an army to control his citizens, but using underhanded tactics instead to make people think they were voting for him.)

the whole “dream attacked the child soldiers and was always the one to start it” is quickly negated by the way dream constantly asked them to give up instead of fighting. it was literally wilbur who pushed them to go on and risk (and lose) their lives. dream’s said later on that he “had to” do what he did (he was being genuine here), which means he, in a way, felt responsible for stopping wilbur & l’manberg. he didn’t want to be violent, but unlike wilbur, he wasn’t going to be able to talk them out of it. it makes sense he would turn to threats and intimidation to try and get them to surrender first, i mean, what other choice was there?

l’manberg weren’t the ones forced to fight, is what i’m getting at.

dream wasn’t any more violent than wilbur, it’s just wil was better at non-violent, but still morally reprehensible, ways of getting his way, and he used them to his full advantage. neither of them wanted violence for the sake of it, and i never said that; i just said wilbur’s “pacifist” schtick was a total ruse, and never meant anything about his actual “peacefulness”, which i still find true.

as for the whole “manipulated or didn’t manipulate” thing with the vassal scene, the first link i sent here i think describes my stance quite well. but it’s very interesting to note that there’s a theory wilbur legitimately thinks dream selfish, which is why he said that - either way, the effect remains, dream was essentially shut down after trying to gain back people’s trust and help out who he considered the “good side”.

dream was very obviously making efforts, giving tommy and techno as well as the pogtopia cause as a whole a whole lot of supplies, including his crossbow which he had a personal attachment to. he expressed outwardly that he was on their side, to the point where he refused to call l’manberg “manberg” and then was caught off-guard when wilbur called it that during the vassal conversation.

dream was attached to tommy, as shown by fighting for him during the eiffel tower conflict, and also helping him overall. their relationship was always very interesting, but after the l’manberg war, their friendship never really changed - tommy scammed the discs back, that had at that point legally belonged to dream, but he didn’t seem to hold even that against him as he tried to help get back l’manberg with him. they were the sort of friends who would tease each other to hell an back and fight on the battlefield each other but still have friendly vibes… you know what i mean?

i think this is why exile hurt so much, to me. that i believe they had genuinely been friends once, before it went downhill at a hella steep inclide. but enough me rambling about what had once been my comfort duo and is now utterly unsalvageable.

either way, he was attached to the people involved, because a lot of the character strongly indicates he has a sense of responsibility (not control) over the people on his smp. it’s the reason he’d always get involved in conflicts other people started, like pogtopia.

his fatal flaw has always been caring too much after all - and not being cared about back, because sometimes, that’s just how life works. that’s what destroyed him. that’s literally the character, so saying he “could’ve just walked away” is dismissing pretty much his entire personality, but hey, i don’t blame you, just pointing it out.

the thing is wilbur did force him to make a terribly hard decision. dream could either give him the tnt, ally with the self-proclaimed bad guys, or let wilbur get back his power and go mad with ambition - not saying it would happen, but it’s what wilbur threatened to do. keep in mind dream’s main concerns about this whole conflict was schlatt going to war with the dream smp, as expressed by himself, and so wilbur saying he would genuinely do the same if he became president again was literally backing dream up into a corner.

“if dream thought wilbur was being a villain”

Wilbur: How much would you say that me and Tommy are kind of the bad guys here? We… We… I mean, we-

Dream: I don’t think you guys are the bad guys.

i… don’t know where you got that from, maybe you misunderstood something i said, but no, he definitely didn’t. until wilbur convinced him, that is.

“i’m also going to say that “villainization” and “calling out someone for hurting you” are not the same thing.”

yeah, they are. and dream was villainized.

so uh, first of all, wilbur literally said he was going to “use the tommyinnits of the world” in order to establish his capitalistic empire, then he called tommy “young”, “naïve”, and said that he likes him because he can build a foundation upon him, after which tommy questioned him and he said not to worry about it.

wilbur proceeded to lie to everyone including tommy about dream, the country he was establishing, to the point where tommy is seen confused in both the vassal scene and the revivedbur scene - asking why he would ally himself with dream both times, because he genuinely thought he was a bad person, a “dictator” they were fighting against.

wilbur didn’t reply either time, because he knew very well what he had done and he intended for tommy to think that.

during the entirely establishment he was exploiting the clingyduo not knowing anything about politics in order to enforce unhealthy patriotism onto them. he forced tommy to give up his hill-house and turn it into an embassy, guilt-tripping him by saying he doesn’t care about the cause (which was a lie) and that he can just leave if he doesn’t intend on being loyal.

and then there’s this scene:

Tommy: “Look at me in the eyes when I’m talking to you – There’s been some proper tyranny.”

[Wilbur pushes Tommy off the wall]

Wilbur: “Don’t tell me what to do, alright? You’re getting out of your comfort zone. Who’s the President? Tommy, who’s the President?”

Tommy: “How dare you, how dare you, you must respect manners, Wilbur! There are manners! There is a common etiquette that everyone must follow, my friend!”

Wilbur: “Tommy, who’s the President?”

Tommy: “…You’re the President.”

Wilbur: “Good lad, now come back.”

Tommy: “I – you’re gonna have to drop down a ladder, I’m not sure how we’re gonna –”

Wilbur: “Walk ‘round, walk ‘round, Mr. Vice President.”

and this is just before pogtopia. after this, wilbur proceeded to continue this kind of behaviour on tommy, with the whole “you’re never gonna be president” schtick - here we can see it actually didn’t start in pogtopia. wilbur had been pushing tommy down before in order to estabilish his own power and demand respect.

basically, tommy has been used by every adult figure he’s ever trusted and looked up to. which is part of why wilbur’s behaviour being ignored irks me so much, besides other things.

“when he was faced with a problem, he went for someone’s attachments as an attempt to get things back, and at this point hadn’t been called a villain. i see this as another precursor to the vault, again, the signs were there. the initial conflict of the disk war ended in general peace, it was the fact that dream never gave up those disks and continued to try and use them against tommy that hurt him.”

i disagree with this analysis of dream. he went for the discs because they were physically valuable at the time - tommy had only two, and he grinded hours for them, much like dream for his tools and armor. tommy formed an attachment to them as a result of the disc war, not the other way around.

he continued to use them for their attachment to get back l’manberg and then forcibly getting them back when the chance was provided.

dream didn’t use them once against c!tommy before he himself multiple times showcased how much he cared about them despite there being other discs at that point. dream only used them as placebo tokens to skeppy in order to get back something he was actually attached to, if i remember correctly.

dream fell deeper into using attachment because it became the only way to control his surroundings. no one had ever actually listened to him, and groups of people that had formed were too powerful for him to simply take on without reprocussions.

not only that, he became to lose control of everything - his friend’s house got burnt down and he wanted the person who did it to be held accountable? the leather of his dead horse got used to blackmail him! he was taught this from experience, not because he was “high on the power” or whatever your are implying was the reason.

“when he had then seen that dream would willingly hurt him, he began to call dream that and mean it.” he was taught dream to call dream a tyrant by wilbur, that’s literally what happened in canon. he did genuinely think he was a villain before the war, because that’s what wilbur told him and he trusted wilbur.

i am not taking everything wilbur says as truth. that man lies his mouth off every time he appears on screen. it’s just a character acknowledging what people who looked deeper into the narrative already knew. i’m not going to assume someone is lying when i logically know what he’s saying matches up with what i know to be true.

either way, here’s some more analyses on the subject you might wanna read to understand my points better and be able to more thoroughly rebut them: (1, 2, 3)

“with the sam thing, i am fairly certain that intentional withholding of food would be considered direct torture, and if that has not been retconned i would be surprised, but i don’t know.”

i… am genuinely sort of baffled at why you would think that? the prison arc is literally made to be about c!sam’s corruption, the mistreatment of dream (including mental and physical abuse) and c!quackity’s manipulation of the situation of his own gain. there is no reason to retcon the torture they put in on purpose? the prison arc is supposed to parallel exile and humanize dream. the people who have been analysing it all agree on that.

here’s a shorter (and outdated) list of the ways in which pandora’s is inhumane and here’s a longer one including things implied and more in-depth about c!sam and c!dream.

“the conditions are harsh and it’s interesting to remember that dream was the one who commissioned them in the first place (not meaning he deserves them, just food for thought)”

no, take your food back, i have heard this as a genuine excuse too many times by now. c!dream didn’t tell c!sam to physically and mentally abuse him. in fact he said that people would only be put in the main cell for 14 days max (the maximum amount of days before it becomes classified as torture by the united nations - man’s did his research), and they would have free reign of the prison. there have even been changes to the way the cell works since he’s been put in. he wasn’t going to subject anyone to the sort of thing he’s going through.

the only reason it’s happening to him is because people hate him and want him to suffer. the people of the server put him there because they thought they could use him later on, it’s a literal vault for a human being to be stored for later use, and it’s disgusting. people didn’t want him in the prison. they didn’t put him there to protect themselves. they were fully willing to kill him, and the only reason he is still alive is that they thought of him as an item and wanted to use his capabilities. (dream also buying into it, as he does with everything this godforsaken narrative enforces upon him, “i am the book”.)

i know it’s roleplay, but i’m emotionally invested in this arc, and it’s just so incredibly dark on purpose which people seem to ignore, so sorry for ranting.

“you say that you never said sam molded him into what he became, but you accuse the people of affecting dream and therefore forcing him into the role of the villain. i feel as if that is a type of molding?”

i’m saying no one molded dream on purpose, but what they all did (or should’ve done but didn’t) affected him in a very negative way nonetheless and should be acknowledged.

also, calling dream a monster or standing by while he gets ruthlessly murdered after following all orders and putting away all his armor and weapons isn’t very helpful of them.

“you saw it as skeppy “twisting his words”. this seems to be an example of someone calling dream on his crap, yeah? just because he’s twisting to defend himself doesn’t mean the other person is trying to make him be something he doesn’t want to be, it means that he’s uncomfortable or unable to deal with confrontation of his own acts and will attempt to justify them.”

no. i made an entire analysis of their interaction. that’s literally what he did, there is no softening that punch.

Dream: Anyway, um - you’re really making me out to be a bad guy! Like-

Dream: Look, we HAD to fight that war, okay? We had to fight that war, it was a necessary evil.

Skeppy: [Wheezes] No, it w- You’re telling me, you started the war too?

Dream: Yes! Because - listen-

Skeppy: You started it? It wasn’t even them, you started it-

Dream: Listen, they - they made a Declaration of Independence-

Skeppy: You one day woke up and said, “they don’t deserve that tiny piece of land”?

Dream: Well no, cause they made, they made a-

Skeppy: That’s literally what happened, one day you woke up and you said-

he continuously cuts him off while dream nervously expresses his discomfort over skeppy making him out to be the villain, and his refusal to listen. here’s my analysis of the interaction if you’d like to read it.

“i think it’s unfair to say that nobody tried to help him. people still treated him with respect and kindness for a long time and with those bonds it was ultimately him that cut them.”

no. name one bond that he cut first. george and sapnap? they left him first. sam, puffy, punz? he wasn’t as close with them, but he didn’t cut any of them off before they showed up during the disc finale ready to kill him. if that doesn’t count as them cutting attachments or abandoning him then i… don’t really know what you would call it?

“it feels a little victim-blamey to say that if only they had treated the guy hurting them better, maybe he wouldn’t have hurt them as much.” “you do say that dream is responsible for his actions, but you place the reason he did his actions on other people, effectively blaming them for how he turned out. this rubs me the wrong way because a lot of the people you accuse of doing this were people directly being harmed by him, and so it ends up sounding like they’re at fault for their own pain.”

well, it’s true, though? he was hurt and abandoned to the point when he didn’t care about hurting others anymore. that’s it. that’s his character arc. it’s not “victim-blamey”, it’s a fact. just because he ended up hurting people doesn’t negate the fact he was hurt himself first. the environment they all were a part of pushed him this far, and that’s just what happened.

the dream smp is a literal cycle of violence perpetuated by each and every one of them, and it’s awful for all of them. the problem is that they refuse to see things from others’ perspective and end up hurting each other as a result, which dream is a prime example of. that’s just the plot of the story, not victim-blaming anyone.

see the second to last line of my original post. “the entire dream smp is absolutely screwed, and every single one of them needs therapy.”

here’s another thread about that, actually!

i’m blaming the environment which includes the actions (which were often - not always - unintentional mistakes) of the individuals, i’m not saying they “brought this upon themselves” or anything of that sort. everyone makes mistakes and those mistakes might affect other people and how they act, but that’s not saying i’m blaming anyone for being hurt?

“sapnap still considered him a good guy up until the moment that he saw the space for beckerson in the vault.”

see you keep bringing this up but that doesn’t make sense at all. sapnap came into the vault before he saw that. he made the conscious decision to ally himself with tommy during doomsday before he saw that. he accused dream of not caring about him and george, and left to make his own country before he saw that. you get the point?

the vault was the direct consequence of the hurt he’d endured, so i don’t see why you would ever list it as a reason for people abandoning him? the prison is just them continuing it, although at this point they might have actual reasons, it doesn’t negate the fact that they ignore his bad conditions and even perpetuate them.

“dream was not alone until he chose to be alone. it was tragic that he chose that, but it was ultimately his choice and this is evidenced by the vault.”

people do not decide to isolate themselves for no reason. people started cutting him off first, they turned against him first, they made him the villain first, they used what he loved against him first, they told him he couldn’t ever achieve peace first. he only cut himself off only after all of that happened, and i would’ve done the same! you would’ve done the same. it was a defence mechanism that only sent him deeper down his mental spiral, but it was a reaction, not a decision he made. the vault is a physical embodiment of how deep down he went and how bad his state of mind had gotten overtime through neglect.

also, you might wanna give the vault vod a rewatch as well, and then tell me the person saying those things is mentally healthy and definitely doesn’t need help.

oh! also, a thread on attachment about dream. worth a read.

just because a response is an overreaction or wrong doesn’t make it any less of a response. nearly all of the things dream did was a reaction of some sort.

he lists his reason for starting the war as them declaring independence, so i don’t think it really matters when the official document was sent.

“he also initiated the final disk conflict, with the clear intention of murdering tubbo and putting tommy in the prison as a sort of thing for his amusement. he said multiple times that he found the struggle with tommy “fun”, and said their fight wasn’t over because he personally found it engaging to torment another person, and that was how he got power.”

oh yeah, that definitely seems like something the guy who’s only ever listed his reasons as being peace and has been mentally declining ever since would be completely honest about in front of his biggest enemy. /s

the thing is, the way dream behaves in front of tommy is starkly different than everyone else. c!dream sees him as the “hero” and himself as the “villain”, which is why the pushing of the narrative on his part is so strong when they interact.

besides, so many things he says simply don’t match up at all.

basically, he is very obviously playing a part when he says things like this. nothing he says like that matches up with anything else about his character, and that’s the only explanation. besides, this man’s evil monologues are straight out of a “how to be a scary villain” book.

no discredit to cc!dream of course, but it’s like that intentionally. cc!dream has said after this that c!dream is “reserved” not only about his feelings but also about his “plans” and “intentions”. that quite doesn’t match up with what he yells at the top of his lungs during that scene, now does it? his mask’s very convincing, to be fair, so i don’t blame you. he’s gotten good at playing his part over the years, which makes sense seeing as it was always expected of him, and other people would talk for him if he didn’t do it himself.

“there are a lot of conflicts that dream has started.”

...alright? list any other ones besides the last one?

“buying his line of “only caring about unity” and “trying to prevent chaos” … he uses this many times as an excuse for his actions, and the fact that he was still excusing and justifying his actions makes me think that he still genuinely believed he was right.”

well yes, because he does believe that. he uses the excuse because it’s true. the justification isn’t right of course, but he is not lying when he says those are his motivations, which is backed up by his prior explanations as well as actions. i am not buying anything, it’s what’s become evident from analysing him that that is what he wants to achieve. it doesn’t excuse anything, but saying that’s truly his end goal isn’t incorrect.

becoming a control freak as a result of feeling the loss of control over your own circumstances isn’t equal to dehumanizing the people you’re trying to control.

he didn’t ever take george’s personal freedom. he didn’t start using attachments because he thought it was convenient. i have literally no idea where you’re getting these claims from.

“dream’s actions during exile and the vault do not look like those of a man who is trying to get better but thinks he “has” to be something. honestly, it looks like a guy on a power trip who thinks he’s god and is going to try and prove it.”

both of those are wild misinterpretation of the character. which is understandable seeing as you’ve said already you never tried to look deeper into him, but it’s incorrect nonetheless.

he was trying to get better up until the 16th, which is when the bad things that happened to him stopped going up and instead went downhill, like, really fast. alright, that metaphor probably makes no sense, but you get the point. he had stopped trying at the point of exile, is the point. but he also does think he has to be something in order to “fix” his home.

he wasn’t on a power trip at all, he didn’t have a god complex up until the prison stripped him of all his dignity and then threw an opportunity at him, and he wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone. that’s an easily debunkable assumption, but, well, guess it’s easy to make.

“there is a clip in which dream says he doesn’t really care how others see him and he doesn’t care if they think he’s bad.” yeah, i know he said that a couple of times. that’s him going numb after he was affected by how others saw him for way too long, which is completely natural. again, a psychological defence mechanism. him saying that he doesn’t mind others calling him a villain or a monster and even seems to agree that his methods are villainous but has just stopped caring makes the situation all the more messed up. makes the character all the more tragic.

“it requires dream to be lying about how he feels all the time. not technically impossible, because he does not talk about emotions.” he is emotionally repressed. it’s not just “not technically impossible”, it’s likely and fits perfectly into his character arc in canon.

“and if a writer is telling their story in a way that only makes sense if you disregard everything they say, i feel like it’s not very good storytelling, unless that is the entire point and the character is based on that.”

see, you get the point here. cc!wilbur is literally the man with an arg around him that has still not been solved. why would he hand us everything on a silver platter? why would he not force us to dig deeper and look beneath what is widely accepted? he literally talks about unreliable narrators constantly poking fun at how the audience seems to take things the characters say at face value, and i’d say early c!wilbur is a prime example of that. it is good storytelling because cc!wilbur pulls it off brilliantly.

it’s also called “the metanarrative”, which is a giant focus of the dream smp if you look closer, especially during the time cc!wilbur has been writing it, especially the establishment of l’manberg where he constantly talks hypocritically on purpose (he said something along the lines of “dream, you can’t just come onto someone’s land and take it for yourself, are you an idiot?” during the early days along with other things e. g. blatant trump references “we’ll build a wall and make the mexicans pay for it”, which i find hilarious) and you know what, good for him. people not being able to tell things go deeper than their feelings is, you know, valid, but also fun to watch, and cc!wilbur’s a controlled chaotic crimeboy.

“people stood by dream. people helped him.” none of them did that for long. “dream still had a system up until the moment he isolated himself” his main support system left by themselves.

i think you’re sort of purposefully discarding a lot of things and misinterpreting the character. it also seems you’re strongly biased against c!dream, which, to be fair, the majority of the fandom is.

look, i don’t want to attack your feelings about characters. you think what you want. but i’m basing my assumptions on evidence and also try to bring up evidence when i think people are misunderstanding because i believe it’s important to know the full truth. however, i understand the desire to not change your opinions if you feel attached to your current perspective - it's a piece of entertainment, you enjoy it the way you want to. you asked about it first though, so i’m giving you my opinion. we can stop at any time if you feel like we’re not getting anywhere, i’m completely fine with that.

i don’t want to seem aggressive, but i feel like at some points we’re just going in circles. would you consider talking over discord chat (better at writing longer messages than tumblr messages) so we can tackle each problem individually in real-time? no worries if you don’t, just thought it could work rather well to get somewhere in our discussion.

also, sorry for the surely numerous typos in this reply. i didn't have the mental energy to go back and proofread.

either way, have a nice day.

#discourse #long post #c!wilbur critical #c!sam critical

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thedeathdeelers · 4 years ago

Note

Pillow

oof. i’m not sure how this turned into a 2k thing, but anyway

hope you like it 🤗

also available on my AO3

———

(song)titles are impossible

Julie was sat on the black weathered couch in the studio, staring blankly into space.

They had been sat in the studio for hours today trying to come up with a new song name for their latest anthem. She was rather proud of the song - it might even be one of the best ones she’s co-written with Luke yet.

And so, it seemed only fitting that they come up with a song title that truly represented the sheer greatness of their collaborative genius.

(Like I said, she was really proud of this one.)

They had even managed to rope in Reggie and Alex to help this time. Something both boys were deeply regretting right now.

It wasn’t going too great.

“Come on guys! It’s just a song name.” Julie could hear the whining and exasperation all the way from down here. She barely held the urge to roll her eyes, looking up towards her band mate, eyes slightly unfocused from being zoned out for so long.

Alex was sat in his favourite spot in the loft, legs hanging, as his forearms rested against the grainy wood of the railing.

“Just pick the first two or three words that stand out the most from the chorus and call it a day. I was supposed to meet up with Willie half an hour ago.” His lip jutted out in a pout, the way it always did whenever Alex spoke about his boyfriend.

“Alex, I’ve already told you, we want this title to stand out. It’s got to be something different from the rest of our songs - we can’t just “pick words from the chorus”.” She might have repeated that last sentence with a bit more attitude than was required. She was getting tired, sue her.

Another groan, and a soft thump to her right, made her turn her head. Reggie, sat in a very precarious position on the armchair, rubbed at his face.

“Come on Julie, Ray has a very big photo shoot going on right now. He’s been stressing about it all week - I need to be there for emotional support!”

Emotional support ghost floated through Julie’s mind.

Alex snorted. “Reg, he doesn’t even know you exist.”

“It still counts! I help him find things sometimes, makes things run smoother.” He stuck his tongue out at his friend, before he turned back towards Julie.

“Just use something from your dreambox? Maybe you’ll find something in there to inspire you?” He sounded a little too hopeful.

“You think I haven’t tried that already? Luke and I have been trying to think up of a title for days! You guys were literally our last resort.”

She heard a low mumble coming from the loft, something that sounded a lot like “gee thanks.”

With a snort and a sigh, Julie’s head fell back, resting on the couch pillows as her eyes took in the familiar sight of their studio’s ceiling. Why was this so hard? They’ve already done all of the hard work; the lyrics, the melody, the bass and drum and guitar parts. They just needed a title! This was just too frustrating.

She rolled her head to the left, in the direction of the other end of the sofa, hoping her songwriting partner was having better luck than she was.

Instead she found him looking right at her. Just staring. She could say she’s gotten used to having his piercing hazel eyes focused solely on her, but she’d be lying. She felt her cheeks growing a little warmer.

She stared back, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of him, but his eyes didn’t waver. His expression taking on a more questioning look.

Feeling self-conscious, her hand automatically reached up to cover whatever it was she assumed was wrong with her face.

“What, what’s wrong? Do I have something on my face? Is something stuck in my hair again?” Julie started picking at random stray hairs, checking for loose dust bunnies and fluff.

But Luke quickly shook his head at her question, only just realising that he was openly staring.

“No, no! Your face is perfect. I mean it’s perfectly fine- I mean you’re fine- you’re good!” He stumbled his way through his sentence, turning slightly pink as he shifted his gaze back to his lap, attempting to focus on his notebook.

Huh.

“Luke had that “I wonder what would happen if-“ look to him.” Belatedly, Julie remembered that her two band mates were still in the room with them.

“He had his what what?”

“You know, whenever he’s thinking of something weird, a random idea popping into his head. He gets all” Reggie motioned to the general area of his face, “and that’s when you know.”

Now Julie was really curious. She turned her head back towards a still pink Luke, about to ask him what he was thinking about, when Alex jumped in before her.

“Okay! Looks like you guys are taking a break so I’m just going to pop out real quick!” And before Julie could even articulate a shout, Alex literally popped out of the studio. She hated that they could do that so easily.

Not even a second later, she heard Reggie disappear as well.

At least Luke had no one to interrupt them now.

Julie shifted, twisting around on the sofa as she brought her knee up onto the seat, tucking her foot under her left leg as it dangled over the front. Leaning back against the armrest, she folded her arms, zeroing in on her lead guitarist.

“So, you going to tell me, or am I going to have to beat it out of you?”

Luke’s head snapped up at that, staring at her as his eyebrows disappeared under his beanie.

“Beat it out of me?” His surprise quickly morphed into a smirk. He looked good when he was being cocky.

No Julie, focus.

Rolling her eyes at him, she replied with an off handed “You know what I mean.”

“No, no I really don’t.”

“Stop trying to change the subject.”

“I’m not - I’m really interested to know what you meant by that. Didn’t realise you were into violence, Molina.” Another smirk.

“Luke.”

“What?”

“LUKE!”

“Fine, fine! Geez relax. Don’t need to get all grouchy on me.”

“I’m not grouchy!” Julie was finding it hard to keep her temper in check - Luke always had this way of riling her up with just 2-3 well placed words.

“Really?” Luke deadpanned.

She just harrumphed back at him, willing herself to keep her mouth shut long enough to let him speak.

But he stayed quiet, his eyes flirting between her face and something over her shoulder.

She lifted an eyebrow at him, cocking her head to side, urging him to go ahead.

He sighed.

“It’s stupid. Honestly, you’ll think you’ve wasted your breath trying to get me to spill.”

She didn’t react, choosing to simply wait for him to continue.

He threw his hands up in the air.

“Uh! I was just wondering what your hair would feel like to sleep on. There. See? Stupid.”

She could only blink back at him.

One blink. Two. Still nothing.

“What.”

“You know - like what a pillow stuffed with your hair would be like. Soft, or flat or comfy. I figure the curls have enough give to them that it’d be soft enough to hold without fully flattening out.” He shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant.

All she could do was stare back at him, completely flabbergasted. This was not what she was expecting. She’s not even sure what she was expecting - but definitely not this.

What.

She sat there all afternoon trying to think up of song titles, and instead of helping he was thinking about what her hair would feel like as a pillow?

Maybe Alex was right. Maybe they really did need a break.

Julie was so busy trying to wrap her head around what Luke had just told her, that she hadn’t noticed him awkwardly fidgeting as he sat there waiting for her to say something.

“So yeah. I told you. Dumb.”

At his words, Julie snapped out of her confused daze, refocusing on the embarrassed ghost in front of her.

He was silly, had weird habits and a definitely questionable thought process, but she loved him as he was.

Making her mind up on the spot, Julie shifted, pushing her body further down the couch until her head rested fully on the arm rest. Even with her legs bent at the knee, her feet were nearly pressed against Luke’s thigh.

She lifted her hand up, holding it out for him to take, but he only just stared at her, utterly confused at the turn of events.

“Come on, you can test out your theory now if you‘d like.” Julie patted her hair as it lay covering the armrest next to her.

She could see that Luke was still lost, not fully grasping what she was telling him. So she sat up, grabbed his hand and pulled him back down with her.

This time he reacted quickly, shaking his head as if to expel any lingering confusion. He moved forwards, laying down next to her. Julie squeezed herself back against the back cushions, as Luke’s head came to rest on top of the overflowing curls that were taking over the armrest.

Julie, already lying on her side and facing Luke, couldn’t help but stare at his profile, his face so close. His eyes were closed, eyelashes so incredibly long, as he wiggled his head left and right, trying to get comfortable. Her lips twitched, he really was taking this seriously.

A few minutes passed before he opened his eyes, shifting until he was on his side, facing Julie.

Julie couldn’t help but wince a little at his sudden movements, feeling a few strands pull at her scalp.

“Sorry!” Luke nearly jumped as he made to get up, trying to move away and avoid pulling at her hair even more. And although it did hurt, Julie wasn’t ready to move on from this ridiculous situation they found themselves in just yet.

“No! No, it’s alright. I just needed to move a few of the shorter strands. Don’t worry.” She put her hand on his arm, pulling him back down, and leaving it there to make sure stayed in his current position.

They remained quiet, both staring, mesmerised and completely taken by each other. This went on for a few minutes longer, until Julie could feel the tension rising. She had to break it before she did something she might (or might not) regret. Clearing her throat, she broke the silence that had taken over the studio.

“So, what’s the verdict?” She kept her voice low, nearly a whisper.

“Hm?”

Hearing him sound dazed, with his eyes, previously fully focused on hers, now shifting towards her lips, made Julie’s heart rate pick up, beating a little faster than it was a few seconds ago.

“You know,” she smiled, trying to control the heat spreading further through her cheeks, “My hair. Is it as comfortable as you imagined it’d be?”

“Oh. Oh, yeah.” His grin stretched wide, the effect of it taking Julie by surprise - apparently proximity made it more potent. “The perfect pillow. I think my favourite, actually. Not sure how I’ll be able to use the ol’ standard ones anymore from now on.”

His eyes crinkled, shining with so much emotion as his hand came to rest on her cheek, thumb gently tracing the curve of her cheekbone.

Oh.

Could she love this boy anymore than she already did? Apparently she could.

Feeling a little daring, helped by their current position, Julie quirked her lips into a small mischievous smile.

“Well, if you ever feel like you might need a break from the boring standard pillows, all you have to do is ask.” She moved a little closer, his eyes widening as she felt his warm breath on her lips.

“I might just say yes.”

FIN

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke fic #luke patterson #julie molina #juke #my fics #ask #prompt #thank you!#thedeathdeelers fics

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moontheoretist · 4 years ago

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I am watching What IF...?

Episode 1: What if... Captain Carter were the First Avenger?

You know... when I saw that it started from the breach in Captain America timeline and saw Peggy become a super soldier, I was pretty sure that Steve will resent her for what she did, because his portrayal in the First Avenger movie even before the serum indicated that he would be, just like he was of Bucky for being drafted while he was left behind. It’s canon behavior for him as far as I noticed.

What If..?’s Steve however is a better man. I dunno when exactly he changed, but he did. He doesn’t act as if he resented Peggy, and he seems quite ok with how everything turned out. Which is like, wow, I didn’t expect that. Also, Peggy has a far better story as Captain.

Like, she isn’t put into USO, she is denied being a soldier even, because she is a woman, the only thing she seems to share with Captain America is murdering punching bags and throwing stuff when angry, which is kinda a bad sign, but ok, everybody needs coping mechanisms. ANYWAY, when she learns where Hydra went, she quickly figured out what they were after, but the guy in charge (John Flynn), the same one who told her that she is a woman not a soldier, doesn’t want to send her there even though they still have a chance to get it back in time. So Howard steps in and her whole rebellion against the military is about not endangering everybody with a stupid ass decision made by a general who doesn’t get how important the cube is, instead of about saving just one man and accidentally saving 400 others by extension by literally going AWOL and endangering his friends like MCU Steve did. Everything about the mission which makes her recognized is about retrieving the Tesseract. And Howard gives her a uniform and a shield to do just that. All in British colors, because American military sucks.

(I love their “she just reaped the bars out, holy shit” faces xD)

AND THEN they go SAVE BUCKY. That makes much more sense story wise. And also Howard is showing Steve that technology can aid him when the serum now can’t, because Peggy is the super soldier instead, literally building better foundations for Steve’s attitude towards technology and the future. He will not be stuck in ice and come back for the Avengers, but at least he is getting better development not only in relation to this topic, but also to his hatred towards his body and his masculinity. Peggy still wanting him despite him being small and frail and now also disabled even more after he was shot and has to walk with a cane, literally builds in Steve the idea that his masculinity is not weak or bad, because he is not a macho muscly type and that his body isn’t something which he should hate or which makes him less than others. AND he is literally Tony now! I did suspect that the technology he got was a suit, but damn, is Steve in this universe fated to be the first Iron Man and then Tony second?

Lol, they named him “Hydra Stomper”.

And now Peggy teaches Steve the most important lesson “the Suit is nothing without the man inside”, which he as much as Tony needed to learn to finally feel free and not less than the others, because they rely on something. The only difference between Steve and Tony here is that Iron Man without Tony is truly nothing, because he made it, while Steve's suit was given to him, so anybody can technically pilot it. Anyway, I like this Steve so much more than MCU one.

(Which when I think about it now creates a pothole in the later part of the episode. Like why Hydra and Red Scull let the suit hanging instead of use it against Peggy? Why put Steve in chains next to it? It kinda looks like damseling him for literally no reason. I wonder why they didn’t kill him right away? Because what? Because he had blonde hair and blue eyes? Or what? Scull liked him? And we cannot even say it was done for the sake of Peggy saving him, because Peggy never sees Steve in chains. She went the other way, so why is he there? To save for whom? Bucky? It would be more logical if Red Scull just killed Steve and put the suit himself and fought Peggy in it to hurt her. Then at least space squid wouldn’t kill him, lol... ah wait. OH, yeah, Tesseract was inside the suit, so he just took it out. Still, he could power up the suit with something else and put one of his people inside to fight Peggy anyway, just in case she came for him).

AND OF COURSE HE HAD TO TRAGICALLY DIE WHEN I FINALLY STARTED LIKING THE WEASEL! LOL, we know what will happen next. He will become the new Winter Soldier, I suppose? If he survived the explosion.

Oh, they brought the original castle storyline back! It never appeared in the Captain America: The First Avenger, even though I personally remember a castle being a main stage for the whole “Steve sacrificed himself prelude” thing, so it’s nice to have a castle and an interdimensional portal back, instead of a plane battle.

“I am up for anything, but this is crazy”.

“And so is Steve Rogers”

Me: *wheezing*

Anyway, he survived. There is no Winter Soldier in this universe and Peggy gets lost in the portal, and she is brought back to 2012 by I suspect Project Pegasus as it is the “Loki’s arrival” scene.

I think that now, if we assume that everybody else is still present in this universe, meaning that Tony became Iron Man and all, Steve becoming a Hydra Stomper and working with Peggy gave Captain Carter an experience in fighting alongside someone in a metal suit. Plus her friendship with Howard means that she won’t have any bad disposition towards Tony and hence Avengers team will actually work better, and if there is Civil War it would be different and about something else, because Captain Carter knows her way around learning political related stuff, so she wouldn’t really kick Accords in the ass unless it was a Hydra plot. I also suppose that without her making Project Paperclip, Hydra would not infiltrate SHIELD, or someone else does that, and Captain Carter would notice something is not right with SHIELD, and she would root the Hydra out herself.

Also, I wanna point out that the scene in which Peggy is shown to be “smarter than Howard” is there only to establish the difference between her and MCU Steve Rogers, who doesn’t know shit about technology. It’s not that Howard isn’t smart anymore. He is a civilian, who is not a brawling type, in a room with a huge octopus which crushed Red Scull like a wooden stick. It stands to reason that he would be panicked enough to not be able to articulate properly. It also establishes that no “it runs on some kind of electricity” will happen in this universe during the Avengers storyline, where she ends by the end of the episode. It comes out a little out of the blue, that’s true, but this is not a line which only “genius” or “science type” can say. It’s just a typical sci-fi approach to the problem with anything, which also sounds smart at the same time. She could even take it out from a sci-fi novel. But I agree that they didn’t establish where that knowledge comes from in any of the previous scenes.

Episode 2: What if... T’Challa became a Star-Lord?

Lol, a vastly different reaction xD

And this was the moment when young T’Challa thought, “who needs to tell their baba that they’re going into space, anyway?” and just went and disappeared. I don’t even wanna know what Wakanda did after the prince vanished. Though it means that Shuri can become a queen and the Black Panther now, HELL YEAH!

And this is the proof that anybody who says that we have to murder someone else to “save the planet” from overpopulation is wrong. (Because they are wrong, just go and check studies about that). T’Challa just showed Thanos the benefits of equal share of the resources and saved the universe with logic and diplomacy.

And my hopes for Queen Shuri just went out the window. BTW, why Nebula turned into a living example of “blue space babe” (from feminist studies which pointed out that alien women are just human women painted colors and shown in sexy clothes or portrayed as dancers and prostitutes for the benefit of the male gaze). She got sexy hair, sexy dress, and she is later shown to be some kind of spy by the clothes she wears and her general attitude. She reminds me so much of Natasha that I am tempted to say she is a sexy spy cliché.

It’s kind of degrading after the whole episode which centered around a woman being denied being a soldier, which in the whole militaristic and male dominated setting was pretty much conveying feminist messages, while here in another male dominated setting we have only two women shown with any lines and one of them is Nebula sexy spy. It just comes across weird after the previous episode, tbh.

She even speaks like Natasha from the MCU... and she betrays just like our dear russian friend, Natasha. Anyway, it looks like Queen Shuri is still on the table! Wakanda prevails! It was not destroyed!

Ok, nevermind. She is a space Black Widow, but in this way that she plays every side just like Natasha does. Apparently... betrayal was part of the plan, lol. What is with this idea that women named with a name starting with N are good spies in this universe?

Carina the badass! GO CARINA! SHOW THEM!

At least in this universe, she doesn’t foolishly die for “drama”. Or, in MCU’s case, for exposition to show “what happens to those who touch the infinity stone”. I gotta say, her revenge was sweet.

#what if...?#what if...? spoilers #peggy carter #bucky barnes #nebula #t'challa #thanos #mcu steve rogers critical #what if...? steve rogers rulez #mcu critical #feminism #why did you have to sexualize Nebula to make her second Natasha?

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sobdasha · 4 years ago

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I can’t wait for the day

when Momiji is revisiting The Most Foolish Traveler, the story that has always best embodied his life ideology, and just flips a table while yelling “this is bullshit!” in German.

(it’s probably about the same time that he and Momo decide to sue their parents for custody of each other)

He spends all of one evening on this (because he is really fired up and manages to get it out all in one go without any editing), commissions Rin for illustrations, and then mails off a copy to Tohru and Kyou in a fit of righteous anger.

It’s called The Most Idiotic Traveler in the World (with Corrected Ending) or something like that and the story diverges when the naked traveler is wandering through the woods. This time, early in her journey in the forest, the traveler meets a new monster not in the original story.

The monster tells the traveler that he’s been watching her since she first entered the woods. And, the monster tells her, she really is an idiot.

The traveler is confused and, to tell the truth, a bit hurt by that. It’s a different hurt than walking through the forest barefoot, with no clothes to protect her from scratches, and hobbling on a crutch of a fallen branch because she gave away one of her legs to a demon she met earlier.

“Look,” the monster says, “I’m not saying it’s not good to be grateful. Spending your life being worried about everything you could lose is a rotten way to live. But it’s okay to ask for something in return, you know. What are you going to do, keep giving away parts of your body to the demons in the forest? I know you just want to be kind, but how are you going to keep helping people if there’s nothing left of you but a head?”

(“Does that monster look kind of...familiar, to you?” Tohru asks Kyou.)

Oh, the traveler thinks. That’s what kind of hurt it is. Like the hurt of wanting to keep traveling through towns, wanting to keep being helpful, wanting to keep offering freely to the people around her. But being told instead that she’s not wanted because she’s naked, and shouldn’t she be ashamed and go where no one will see her.

(About a week ago Momiji called the house and asked, “Heeeeey Kyou, what’d your true form look like?” Kyou contemplated that for a little while, and then simply hung up on him. Rin then suggested they ask Shigure instead, as Shigure’s a bastard who knows everyone’s business.)

The traveler doesn’t know what to say to the monster. What if people think she’s greedy when she asks for a trade? What if people think that means she isn’t interested in helping really? And it’s scary to think about asking and then being told no.

(“Kyou, do you think it’s supposed to be a...a cat monster?”)

But somehow, the monster knows what she’s thinking, because he says that he didn’t mean to make her feel bad. He says, he just thought she should think about what would make her happy. He wanted her to hear that it was okay, to think like that. She can still be generous and grateful without having to lie to herself that she’s happy giving until there’s nothing left and never receiving anything new to give.

(Okay, I know I’m stupidly in love with Tohru and the whole family thinks it’s hilarious, Kyou thinks, but does Momiji seriously have to keep giving me shit about it all the time?)

“Oh,” says the traveler, starting to cry. “That’s actually very kind of you. No one has ever given me a gift like that before. I want to give you something in return for your kindness. Would you—would you like to have my arm?”

“No! I just—maybe you could let me travel with you. For a little bit. It’s kinda lonely in these woods.”

The monster is startled to find the traveler crying even harder now. I’m so sorry, the traveler tells him. It’s not that she’s upset or that she doesn’t want to travel with him—it’s just that that’s what she’s secretly always hoped for. Traveling, and meeting new people, and seeing new towns and forests, are all very lovely. But leaving people and places so soon after she’s met them is so very lonely. She’s given and given away everything she has, and she doesn’t begrudge it at all, but the only thing she would have wanted in return was for someone to travel with her for a while and keep her company.

“I can never repay your generosity!” the traveler wails.

“Hey now,” says the monster, “I thought this was a gift you were giving to me.”

Though you really shouldn’t give up any more of your body parts if you want to keep traveling and helping people, the monster scolds her. But, he says, if the time comes when she really must give up her other leg to help someone...he’ll be there to carry her, so they can keep traveling, together.

And the traveler and the monster did continue to journey together for a long time, and they lived very happily and generously but with reasonable boundaries for their well being and had so many beautiful monster babies and grandbabies THE END.

(“This is the most beautiful story I’ve ever read,” Tohru sobs into Kyou. Kyou decides he’ll forgive Momiji after all for rewriting that weird story, now blatantly starring him and Tohru and wtf even prompted that brat to do this anyway.)

The moral that Momiji took from the original story, that you should just be a beautiful person and not worry about loss and be kind, and it’s okay to die telling yourself you’re happy when all you’ve been is abused, is a garbage moral. (He also took away that he wanted to make kind people like that happy. But he accurately sees himself and Tohru as being very similar people, and he has told himself he’s okay with being walked over the same way Tohru does.) Being grateful for what you have does have its merits, but. You can be kind and have boundaries. You can be generous and not force yourself to smile and be grateful when people use you.

Momiji has no regrets about trying to empathize with his parents and keeping his distance for his mother’s mental health and his father’s happiness. But I expect there’s a point where he realizes it was awful of his dad to frame Momiji getting literally disowned as a “gift” Momiji gave her when actually Momiji didn’t have a choice to say that he didn’t want to be forgotten. I expect he builds up a lot of righteous indignation about being kept away from Momo, especially as Momo gets older and clearly wants a relationship because she’s actively seeking it out. After all, by the time his curse breaks, he’s self-aware enough to articulate that no one else can dictate for him “you should be grateful for X” or “you’ll never be happy if you do Y.” He’s made peace with the things he can’t have but he has realistic expectations for potentially getting other things in the future. Momiji refuses to accept that he’ll get nothing in return for his kindness.

(I’m also thinking about how very cold they play Momiji at the hospital with Akito in the anime, and how Momiji doesn’t warm up and offer Akito comfort via The Most Foolish Traveler until it’s clear that Akito isn’t thinking “isn’t it great how I played all these suckers” but could instead be receptive to the idea of “I want to give something kind to these dumbasses in return even though they won’t ask me for it” if nudged in the right direction.)

Momiji said his initially reaction to The Most Idiotic Traveler in the World was to want for the traveler to be happy for real, which says that Momiji is aware that the traveler was not actually happy, dying alone in the forest crying about how happy and grateful she was. And he is Right and He Should Say It and also rewrite the story with a correct ending.

#sobdasha fic adjacent #fruits basket #fluffy bun momiji has his charms #but savage ruthless-business-acumen momiji at the end of the series is ALSO charming #this post brought to you by realizing that when Tohru tells Momiji #that's me i'm the same #re: wanting to not be crushed by traumatic memories like their moms #re: faking a certain way of speaking to be closer to their moms #re: just being really kind self-effacing people #Momiji also sees them as being basically the same person #and so if the foolish traveler is Tohru the foolish traveler is also Momiji #and they both Deserve Better

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alpacaparkaseok · 4 years ago

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Where you should be

7. Habromania

Genre: Hobi x oc

Warnings: this series contains stalking, blackmail, and similar stressful/fear inducing situations. Also unrequited love, which is perhaps the most terrifying of all.

Word Count: 3.2k

a/n: A song you might want to be familiar with for this chapter is ‘Puma’ by TXT. First off, because it’s a freaking bop. Secondly because Sunny has a bit to do with it and it sets some of the tone for the second part of this chapter. Thanks guys! And, as always, feedback/questions is always welcomed and encouraged!

Habromania (n.) delusions of happiness

“We can be sneaky, can’t we?”

I snort at Hobi’s question. “I can, not you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” He feigns offense, stealing his hand away from mine as he clutches his chest. It doesn’t take long before its back, though, running his fingers over my knuckles. The other hand remains on the steering wheel.

“You’re horrible at being sneaky. Imagine having to be sneaky around your boss.”

Hoseok sighs. “You’re probably right.”

“...but?”

He glances over at me before turning his attention back to the road. “But, I think I can do it. It’s important. Sure, it’ll be hard. But worth it, don’t you think?”

Giving his hand a tight squeeze, I smile out the window. “Yeah.”

As soon as we left the small restaurant, the both of us received a text from Bang PD instructing us to be extra careful and keep our distance from each other. The last thing we need are more photos.

Which left us with one question: what now?

“I feel kind of cool,” Hobi says, his heart-shaped smile making me grin. “Like we’re secret agents or something.”

I chuckle. His idea was to essentially have a secret relationship. I agreed to it, not seeing any other options, but only after Hoseok told me again and again that he had a plan and that this secrecy would be temporary.

“I give you less than two weeks.”

“Really?” The car begins to slow as we reach my apartment building. It’s barely 1 in the afternoon, but Hoseok did tell Bang PD that he was going to take me home. It’d look a little strange if we strolled back inside the Bighit building.

I give him a long look, delighting in the way his lips form a little pout. I force myself to look away before I can lean over and kiss him. Knowing him, he’d probably crash the car.

“Maybe three weeks.”

Hobi laughs as he turns into the parking lot. “How generous. And what? You think that you can do better?”

Winking at him as he parks the car, I slowly take my seatbelt off. “Oh, without a doubt.”

It’s quiet in the car as I contemplate getting out. Even though I know that I’ll see Hobi at work, I don’t know when I’ll get to be with him again like this. He seems to be thinking the same thing, killing the engine as he sits back with a sigh.

“What are you going to do with the rest of your day?” He keeps his eyes on the building, but I know what he’s thinking.

“Come inside.”

He blinks at me. “Wow, so forward!”

Groaning, I hit his shoulder. “You know that’s not how I meant it!” Hobi’s laugh only makes me more embarrassed as my cheeks heat up at the insinuation in my words. “Yah! Not funny!”

Taking both of my hands in his and placing a delicate kiss atop them, his laughter finally subsides. “I can dream, can’t I?”

I’m pretty sure my eyes are popping out of my head as I throw the door open, internally screaming and making a beeline for the entrance. Hobi gets out of the car as well, trailing after me and chuckling darkly.

By the time we make it up to my apartment, I feel like I may melt through the floor at any given moment from the way Hoseok’s eyes are practically undressing me. His fingers dance along my shoulders, getting lost in my hair as he peppers kisses along my jawline.

Fumbling with my key, I silently curse myself for feeling as giddy as a teenager with something so simple as Hoseok’s eyes. I don’t miss the way he smiles against my skin, making me huff in annoyance.

Since when did he become so bold?

I practically slam the door shut as we enter my apartment, Hoseok breaking away from me to look around the room in awe. I can’t help but laugh at his reaction.

“What, have you never been inside a girl’s apartment before?”

He rolls his eyes. “This is...this is your apartment.”

“So?”

He shrugs, wandering back over to me. “It’s nice. I like it.”

I frown, looking around the apartment. It’s a decent place to live; I’ve tried my best to make it look like a home. But in comparison to the immaculate place that Hobi calls home, I hardly see anything to marvel over.

“Why?”

Standing in front of me and looking over every square inch of my face, he gives me a smile so soft that I find myself sighing in contentment.

“It feels like you.”

♟

April 2020

Work falls into a familiar pattern. Granted, I have to avoid Hoseok like the plague, but Bang PD keeps everyone busy enough that it isn’t too difficult.

That, and the meetings we hold every day in Bang PD’s office, trying our best to sort out the entire situation.

“You’re telling me he wants either 1 billion won or a position here?” Bang Si-hyuk sputters out, looking absolutely appalled. “This...this is blackmail!”

Hobi chuckles beside me, Namjoon sitting on his other side and looking none too happy to be a part of this meeting. However, he is the leader of the group.

“Yes, well, I think he did actually state that this was blackmail,” Hobi remarks. “Are you really that surprised?”

Fixing him with a glare, Mr. Bang’s veins look like they’re about to burst. “You’re one of the people that got us into this mess, Hoseok. I’d save the snide comments for later, if I were you.”

These meetings have been going on for a couple of weeks now, and everybody's reaching the end of their patience. Any time we attempt to negotiate with Jihun, he spirals out of control and comes back with a higher demand.

It’s becoming rather tedious.

“Why can’t we just give him what he wants?” Namjoon asks gingerly. “At the end of the day, as long as he leaves us alone, it’s fine, isn’t it?”

Mr. Bang shakes his head. “No. There is no way I’m giving him that much money, and we all know that I would never let him be employed here. He’s a pimp. We don’t do business with his type.”

I stare down at my hands as I wince at his words. While I’m grateful that he isn’t considering giving him a job here, I can’t help but pity him. If what Jihun told me was true; I’m part of the reason his marriage failed.

“He has a daughter,” I mumble under my breath.

“What was that?”

I blink up at Mr. Bang. “He has a daughter.” When he just continues to stare at me with a confused expression, I do my best to articulate my thoughts. “He’s a human being. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he freaks me out. I don’t support any of this, but he’s desperate for something to help him and his family survive. We shouldn’t be making him into some sort of monster-”

“As the two of you made clear to me, this is my company that’s in trouble, so I will treat this threat as I would any other.” Bang PD sits back in his chair, squinting at his computer screen. “Or have you forgotten that your job is also at stake here?”

Clenching my jaw, I see Namjoon laying a hand on Hobi’s shoulder. “Then fix this.” Rising from my chair, the strict tone of Mr. Bang’s voice stops me.

“What?”

Turning to face him fully, I struggle to keep my voice level. “Fix this. Quit talking about it so much and do something. I have work to do.”

Striding out the door, I barely catch Bang PD’s incredulous words. “It’s a good thing she’s talented-”

Namjoon cuts him off. “So what’s our plan of action? Sunny’s right, this has to end.”

♟

I’m staring at the monitor in front of me, only half-listening to what Yeonjun is saying to me as my blood boils.

Or have you forgotten that your job is also at stake here?

I have to fold my arms in order to hide the fact that my hands are currently clenched into fists. Yeonjun and Soobin are talking to both Pdogg and I, going over a track that we’ve been preparing.

“I really like the feel of this all so far, but I feel like we need something a bit more...edgy?” Soobin frowns, looking down at his phone where he compiled his notes. “We really want to have a sharp album, you know?”

I nod, finally returning to reality. “Has anybody come up with any ideas? Lyrics, melody?”

Yeonjun shakes his head. “Actually, I was going to ask if either of you wanted to help us come up with something. I know that we’re dropping the album in May, but-”

“I can do it.”

Pdogg and Yeonjun raise their eyebrows. “That was quick.”

Pdogg shakes his head. “I think Yeonjun is talking about creating a track from scratch, Sunny. That means that after you finish the music, you’ll need to write the lyrics, too. Right?” He looks to Yeonjun for confirmation.

“Yeah.” He shrugs. “Honestly, if you want to do it, I won’t stand in your way. I’m just happy that you want to with such short notice.”

“You think you can crunch it? This is your first time through the entire process, it’s ok if you want to try the next time around and have more time.” Pdogg reassures, still looking confused at my sudden change in attitude.

I shake my head. “No, I can do it. I need to.” The thinly veiled threat on my job pushes me forward, desperate to show Bang PD that I’m not the kind of person that runs away under pressure.

“Alright,” Soobin says, looking at Yeonjun with a shrug. “I guess...do you need us for anything? When can we expect to come in and take a look at the song?”

Ignoring Pdogg’s stare, I glance at my calendar. “Soon. Give me the rest of the week?”

♟

My desk is a flurry of notes, post-its, and discarded ideas. After a brainstorming session, I consulted Pdogg in the next step of the song process. He helped me solidify my idea, offering a couple of tips and pointers.

He’s in the middle of saying goodbye when there’s a light knock on the door.

“I’ll grab it,” he says. I turn back to my monitor, trying to make sure I get everything put together before I forget it.

Muffled voices at the door don’t bother me as my fingers fly across the keyboard. Line after line appears, forming the first verse of the song.

“Hey.” Hobi grabs the chair that Pdogg just vacated. “What’cha working on?”

I glance at the clock, realizing with a start that it’s already 8 o’clock. “New song for TXT.”

“Hm.”

We sit in silence as I continue working, Hobi knowing better than anyone not to interrupt my creative process. He knows how hard it can be to get back into the zone.

It isn’t until nearly nearly thirty minutes later that he finally breaks the silence, but not by speaking. Bringing a gentle hand to rest atop my own that has stilled over the keyboard, he intertwines our hands together.

I lean back against my chair, sighing. Hobi chuckles lightly beside me, completely understanding the feeling.

“It looks like you got a lot done,” he mumbles, using his other hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

“I think I did,” I whisper, still unable to tear my eyes away from the screen. I’ve been completely sucked in, my mind loud with the sound of the beat and the lyrics I’ve written down.

“Should I take you home?”

I shake my head. “No. I’ll take the bus.”

Silence. He raises my hand to his mouth, dusting light kisses over my knuckles. “We’re paying him off.”

Startled, I finally shift my gaze to Hobi. My breath falls short as I see his hair swept back, styled to make him look like some sort of CEO. He must have had a shoot today that I forgot about.

“Really?” I breathe out. He gives me a soft smile, pressing one more delicate kiss atop my knuckle before lowering my hand and enveloping it in both of his.

“Really. Bang PD will just have to swallow his pride.”

I chuckle lightly, shaking my head. “How’d you convince him?”

He shrugs. “I can be persuasive when I want to. We won’t have to worry about him anymore.”

While his words are intended to give me comfort, I find myself doubting them. Something tells me that this mess is far from over, but I smile at him nonetheless. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Hobi gets up from his seat, embarrassed as he starts heading toward the door. “C’mon, I’ll take you home.”

I look back at my screen. “No, I think I’ll stay here for a little longer.”

“Oh, well then I’ll st-”

“Go home, Hobi,” I turn my chair around to face him. “Don’t worry about me, I just want to finish some of this up. I won’t be long.”

“Good. That way I won’t have to wait long.” Stubborn as ever, he sits back down. “Should I order some food?”

Giving him a long look, I fight the guilt gnawing at me for making him stay even longer. But I really just want to get as far as possible with this project…

“Let me split the cost?”

Laughing darkly as he holds his phone up to his ear, he winks. “In your dreams.”

♟

“I really, really like it, Rin-ah.”

Fidgeting with my hands, I chew on my lip. “Really? Is it too much? I don’t what to overwhelm-”

Cutting me off with an incredulous look, Hoseok shakes his head before pulling my chair away from the computer. “Yes. Positive. They’ll love it. I mean, it’s such a cool idea. You said it was based off a true story?”

I nod, reaching in vain for the desk, I groan as Hobi keeps pulling my chair away. He laughs at my expression.

“Do you have a title idea?”

I shrug, finally giving in and allowing myself to be pulled away. “I’ll probably just keep it simple. Like, ‘Puma’ or something.”

Hobi throws away all of our food containers, nodding to himself. Tossing me my coat and making sure everything is saved and shut off, he opens up the door. “They’ll think it’s amazing.”

Shutting off the lights, Hobi makes a show of double checking that the hallway is clear before grabbing my hand and making his way toward the elevator. It’s only when we’re in the confines of the elevator that he asks me a question.

“What made you want to do it? This usually isn’t your style.”

I let out a long breath, instantly remembering my outburst with Bang PD earlier in the day. “I want to be good at everything. I…” I lean back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. “I know that sounds stupid, but after Bang PD said that about my job, I felt like I had to do something more. Prove myself to him.”

“Mm.”

“It was time for me to expand. Try something new. And I was already pissed off, so when the boys asked for a more edgy track, I felt like I could do it.”

“Well, you’ve done very well with it.”

I see that Hobi also has his head angled upward toward the ceiling. From this angle, I wonder how I can see him so often and still feel like it’s the first time I’m looking at him.

He looks golden in the dim elevator, the lights picking out the paler shades in his hair and setting them alight. With his hands clinging to the railing at his back and his eyes falling closed, I wonder for a moment if this is right.

“How did I get so lucky?”

I ask the question more to myself than to him, but he hears me nonetheless. Ears perking up and tilting his head to look at me almost with the same mannerism as that of a golden retriever, Hoseok shakes his head.

“I wouldn’t call this luck,” he murmurs. “We’ve fought for this, haven’t we?”

At his words, I feel the exhaustion of the past few weeks sinking in. Sneaking around and hiding our relationship from everyone hasn’t been easy. Trying to navigate a brand new relationship without being able to actually spend much time together is tricky, especially when we are still healing from the hurt we’ve caused each other over the past few months.

Closing my eyes against the reality of our situation, I tuck the image of golden Hoseok in the elevator into the corners of my mind. “Do you think that we’ll ever get to rest?”

It’s quiet for a long moment as Hobi ponders my question. We both know what I’m really asking: will we ever stop hiding?

“Someday.” His voice is solid as he answers me. “For now, I think the seconds between floors 8 and 1 are enough to keep me pushing forward.”

For now, standing side by side and quietly speaking on the elevator, basked in golden light and listening to the whir of the machine are all we need.

However, will there ever come a time when this is no longer thrilling? When Hoseok decides to just leave early rather than hanging around with me?

What if I’m not enough?

Indeed, peeking over at Hoseok who currently resembles some sort of fallen deity who’s basking in the golden light, I can’t help but wonder what it is that keeps him coming back.

Now that I’m finally giving in to his pursuit, will it be over?

The ding of the elevator reaching the ground floor does little to pull me out of my daze, and it isn’t until Hoseok is looking back at me from the other side of the doors that I push off the wall and follow him out into the night.

That night as he drops me off outside my apartment building and pulls me in for whispered ‘I love yous’ and stolen kisses, I can’t find it in myself to bring it up. How do I begin telling him that I’m not sure I’m worth the trouble when he’s sure to write it off as some sort of crazy idea?

As I go to open the door, he grabs my hand, looking at me with a concerned expression.

“You sure everything’s alright? You seem...off.”

I lean across the console, watching with delight as his eyes widen. Swooping around, I kiss his cheek before retreating, laughing a little at his deflated expression.

“I love you.”

He gives a contented sigh. “I love you, too.”

Walking into my apartment building, I hope that he doesn’t realize that I completely avoided his question. I kick my shoes off with a sigh as soon as I enter my apartment, turning around to flick on the lights and lock the door. Making my way toward my bedroom, I don’t see the dark figure resting on my couch until their dark chuckle reaches my ears.

“You were out late tonight.”

Whirling around and stumbling backward until my back hits the wall, I stare in horror as Jihun turns on the lamp beside the couch. He holds up a wine glass, giving me a saccharine smile.

“Come sit down.” Filling the glass to the brim with red wine, he extends it to me. “We’ve got a lot to celebrate.”

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ogkarkatsimp · 3 years ago

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Thinking again about how Beggin For Thread by Banks is the perfect Vrisrezi song. I mean-

“I know my disposition gets confusing

My disproportionate reactions fuse with my eager state

It’s why you wanna come out and play with me”

This easily connects with their FLARPing, Terezi being drawn to Vriska’s intensity and general ego, even if she doesn’t completely understand her yet.

“I got some dirt on my shoes

My words can come out as a pistol

And I’m no good at aiming

But I can aim it at you”

Vriska has blood on her hands, trauma she can’t articulate, and an image she can’t live up to. She wants to be the cool-headed manipulator like Terezi, but can never be as good as her. But she is good at something, has one thing she can count on, and that’s always getting Terezi to pay attention to her, even if that attention comes from having to hurt her to get it.

“Stooped down and out, you got me beggin’ for thread

To sew this hole up that you ripped in my head

Stupidly think you had it under control”

Like, this is obviously physically about Terezi causing Vriska to lose her eye, but metaphorically it’s about how Terezi has gotten into Vriska’s thoughts, how the ideal of Terezi she’s made in her head has caused something of an obsession within her.

“Strapped down to something that you don’t understand

Don’t know what you were getting yourself into

You should have known, secretly, I think you knew”

Ah yes, the good old double punch of “I’m an ultra badass and you shouldn’t have messed with me” ego and “well, you knew what you were getting into when you befriended me, so you should’ve expected this” denial that seems to paint Vriska’s worldview so vibrantly. Obviously Terezi was smart enough to know that Vriska was a dangerous killer, it’s not Vriska’s fault that she fucked up their relationship, it’s Terezi’s for not being able to keep her in check.

Literally all Banks songs could be Vrisrezi songs but like, this is the perfect one. No I will not be accepting criticism at this time.

#vrisrezi #terezi pyrope #vriska serket #homestuck #it is after midnight and this is incomprehensible I am so sorry

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flipflap-flipflap · 4 years ago

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[Alright take-two on this damn post. First one got eaten by post editor right as I was ready to post. You see how long this is? Save to drafts, kids.]

I’m here to shove a manga on you: Ookami Shounen Wa Kyou Mo Uso O Kasaneru (The Boy Who Cried Wolf Also Told a Lie Today). It’s a gender bending romance. Despite how awful that probably sounds, it’s actually really fucking good and I do not say that lightly.

(No spoilers, this is all in the first chapter) A high school boy insecure about his intimidating face, Itsuki, has fallen for a shy loner girl, Tokujira, who does not seem specifically phased by his naturally scary face. So he takes a risk and confesses, but she turns him down brutally. Itsuki goes to his sister to lament his insecurities about his face, which he (more or less correctly) attributes as why he can’t make connections. To give him a new perspective on his appearance, his sister (trans btw) gives him a makeover while he’s sleeping and then kicks him to the curb of her salon - fully crossdressed. On his way home, Itsuki (♀) ends up bumping into Tokujira, and she mistakes him for a boyish girl. Under this misunderstanding, she asks "her” for a favor...

She has androphobia, and she has it bad. So much so she can’t even look at men without snapping violently or becoming physically ill. And Itsuki (♀) is just boyish enough to trigger her, but not enough to lock her down. So she asks for “her” help, to see if she can desensitize herself to her phobia. Itsuki’s in a bind for a couple obvious reasons, not the least being the guilt of deceiving Tokujira. But nonetheless, he genuinely wants to help her. So, he decides to continue crossdressing, diving into a lie that he soon finds he has no easy exit from.

I really recommend this manga. I cannot say that enough times. It is phenomenal, shattering tropes left and right in fun and interesting ways. Do yourself a favor and give this manga a try.

Personal feelings and meta analysis below the cut. It’s, uh, ungodly long, and will get very spoilery. But I will flag spoilers. And there will be pretty pictures?

(Also, no, I did not go into this planning to compare a manga about crossdressing to the abolitionist writings of Frederick Douglass, but reality deserves to be a bit absurd sometimes.)

Before you think I’m getting spoilery, with the intro I gave or anything I don’t mark as spoilers, I’m really not. Everything outside of spoilers is right on the package at the start. It sounds like I’m spoiling late-game stuff, right? That’s something that was really fantastic to me: this manga doesn’t spoon feed you. There’s no arcs of pure silent angst, even at the lowest point in the story. These kids are smart, they think and intuit on the spot, and they share what they’re feeling with each other like good friends do. Like that next panel down there with Itsuki introspecting about his confidence level while crossdressing? That’s from the first chapter! These kids are smart. And god damn that is so nice to see.

There was a lot I liked about this manga, but at the top is how compelling the protagonist and his internal conflict are. Right from the first chapter he’s already wracked with guilt about what he’s about to do: deceive this girl by pretending to be a safe space. But Tokujira told Itsuki (♀) she hopes to one day be able to fall in love, and Itsuki wants to ensure she can have that - even if it’s not him that gets to confess to her. He’s fully aware of exactly how fucked up what he’s doing is, and is appropriately beating himself up over it in a really realistic way. But although the guilt never fades, it slowly gains company in happiness. He enjoys this new, fragile life he has constructed around the two precious new friends he's made as a girl.

It was probably easy to gloss over in the synopsis, but arguably the biggest part of Itsuki (♂)’s conflict is his complex about his face. He looks dangerous, and because of that he is afraid to even lift his head or smile in front of others. But as Itsuki (♀), he smiles and laughs without fear. It becomes immediately clear to him on the first day that he's a more confident person while crossdressing. Happier in a way he can't be as a man.

Botan is easily my favorite character in the series. She’s introduced early on, as Tokujira’s first and only friend before Itsuki (♀). At the start she’s a dangerous third wheel, a serious threat to Itsuki’s ability to keep up his lie. And though the situation is (thankfully) defused rather quickly, she becomes a massive source of internal conflict for Itsuki. Nonetheless, she becomes a dear friend for both Itsuki ♂ and ♀. She’s just so...*chef’s kiss*

^This face is the repository of all my love and affection.

Mark my words, this is the first and I assume last time I will ever say this: love triangle good. You know it’s inevitable in a romance genre piece, but this manga approaches the trope in a new and compelling way. [Spoiler] Needless to say, it’s between Itsuki, Tokujira, and Botan. But...there’s two Itsukis involved, ♂ and ♀, and in the center of it all is this lie. His lie stops being about him: it's about not hurting these two girls he cares so much about. [/Spoiler]

On a more personal note, I saw so much of myself in Itsuki’s older sister, Ibuki. She runs a salon, catering especially to crossdressers and transwomen. She’s a self-described “Youthling”, an alien from the planet Youth, obsessed with observing the exciting and turbulent lives of the youths of earth. For more or less for the same reasons most of us do: transpeople don’t tend to get the youths we want, if we allow ourselves to experience youth at all. So it’s nice to be able to enjoy it vicariously, through this younger generation that is able to more fearlessly pursue the lives we couldn't.

^Incidentally, one of my favorite interactions in the manga.

Despite getting Itsuki into this crossdressing mess, she’s someone he can always return to and confide in, and get good, helpful advice from. Her whole philosophy is to give young people agency to explore their identities and find themselves, and though she tells Itsuki the road he's taking is dangerous as soon as she learns what he's doing, she'll always support him however she can.

That, I feel, is what separates her from other, more creepy/pedophilic enabler types, like Sawako from K-On! or Lucoa from Dragon Maid. It’s a refreshingly honest and respectful portrayal of a quirky adult just trying to be a good older sister.

The last thing I want to say, and I’m not going to even mark this as a spoiler because of course it’s going to happen and if you can’t predict that then you’re not my problem, is that Itsuki of course eventually has to drop his lie. All I’ll say about it is that it is probably going to live in my head for years. Everything about it, the lead up, the execution, the fallout, and the recovery, are all so masterfully crafted for maximum emotional impact.

That’s all I want to say exclusively about my personal feelings. On to analysis. There will be a lot more contextual spoilers here that, even without reading the parts I’ve specially blocked off will probably leak through. Read at your own risk, but I would recommend revisiting after you have finished the manga.

One thing I really want to talk about is language. That’s right, I’m going to compare a crossdressing manga to The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, the autobiography of a freed slave turned abolitionist. Douglass talks about a concept that has remained imprinted on my mind ever since I first read it: how and why slaves struggled to comprehend the concept of freedom. This wasn’t anything to do with fear or “racial inferiority” like pro-slavers would argue, but rather with a lack of vocabulary. They have all of these feelings and things they know to be true, but lack the words to make meaningful sense of them. For Douglass specifically, his life completely changed when he learned the word “abolition.” It was like a floodgate burst, as he was suddenly able to put meaning to feeling, create context from chaos.

And that’s right, we see that happen in a big way, with Tokujira. This should be an obvious development, but as it happens late in the manga I will mark it [Spoiler]. As Tokujira and Itsuki (♀) practice things like talking, eye contact, holding hands, etc., Tokujira naturally starts to fall for Itsuki (♀). But she doesn’t understand that. An important part of her character is that, growing up, she focused on expanding her vocabulary as much as humanly possible in the hopes of being able to better articulate herself. So words are very important to her. It’s not until she sees a work of lesbian fiction on display that she finally realizes that’s the word she’s looking for. The floodgate bursts, and all of her emotions suddenly make sense. She realizes she loves Itsuki (♀). [/Spoiler]

And I think that is a vital and underexplored concept when discussing LGBT youth, especially in countries where even knowledge of these concepts is taboo. The reason so many LGBT youth struggle with their identities, especially trans youth, is because we do not have the vocabulary to conceptualize our feelings. I am always excited to see this concept play out, especially in this context. It’s such an important thing that needs to be addressed more broadly.

Moving on, I want to talk about historical context of the genre as it relates to what the author did here. Notably, I want to talk about a specific trope rampant in Japanese queer fiction, specifically early lesbian fiction: the idea that queerdom is a meaningless, youthful phase that children will naturally and inevitably grow out of. It’s problematic for obvious reasons.

[HELLA HELLA SPOILERS] My kneejerk reaction to the ending of this manga was that the author fell into this trope. In the end, Itsuki comes to the conclusion that he does not need to crossdress. So again, kneejerk. But...it really wasn’t like that. He never had any dysphoria; crossdressing was always just a necessity of his circumstance. Nonetheless he learned to analyze and value his experience crossdressing as a woman, and because of that grew as a man. And as part of his journey to understand his identity we, through him, see why some people crossdress. Along with his example, we see why his sister, a bona fide post-op transsexual, has made it a permanent change to her life. Likewise, we see Miyama, who crossdresses purely for the gender euphoria, but has no (stated) interest in going all the way. These are all presented as valid and meaningful. [/Spoiler]

Crossdressing, and gender nonconformity in general, is portrayed not as some one-dimensional fetish like cultural taboo would depict it to be, but rather a meaningful exercise for exploring and critically analyzing your own identity. For some, yes, it’s a phase, but an importantly transformative one when done right. While for others, it is a gateway to a new way of experiencing and enjoying life. Or, it’s fun just for the pragmatic reasons...

I honestly cannot recommend this manga enough. Tragically, I cannot imagine it ever getting an official english translation, so you’ll have to settle for a scanlation like the one I linked in the title up top (and here, again). It’s a really good translation, though the site is predictably sketchy. Warning for lots of NSFW ads.

Read it, and then come talk to me about it!!! There is basically zero fan community and I need to fangirl with someone!

#long post #and I mean REALLY long post #Ookami Shounen Wa Kyou Mo Uso O Kasaneru #The Boy Who Cried Wolf Also Told a Lie Today #the boy who cried wolf tells a lie today also #analysis

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