#(not based on real events)

[hikarry]

Post-South Down, Aziraphale and Crowley are invited to a party

Like, a fancy party. With fancy clothes required and fancy food and overall fancy people. That is, excluding Anathema cause she refuses to consent to the norms

It's in America, hosted by Anathema's filthy rich family, and the boys only accepted to go because Anathema really bribed Aziraphale with pictures of the food

At first, the four of them (yes, cause Newt is also there, obviously) stick together, but as soon as the buffet opens, Aziraphale disappears and Crowley with him, following him around with a wine glass in hand and holding a plate with little cakes in the other, all selected by Aziraphale FOR Aziraphale.

They meet again when the speeches begin. The whole place his dark apart from the spotlight on the stage. It begins with Anathema's grandma, then her aunt. When Anathema's mom begins hers, 90% of the people present are utterly bored out of their minds. A certain demon inclusive.

It starts with bumping his leg against Aziraphale's. The angel doesn't react, still looking straight at the stage. Crowley groans and lays his elbow on the table, resting his chin on his hand and leaning closer to the angel, sliding his leg slowly up Aziraphale's. All he gets is a quick side glance.

Okay. Alright. He can play this game.

Crowley lands his hand on Aziraphale's knee and slowly but surely starts going up his thigh. Aziraphale gets his hand under the table and bats Crowley's away, ever without taking his eyes from Anathema's mom. Crowley pulls his chair closer to the angel's and lays his leg on top of Aziraphale's, his fingertips meeting Aziraphale hand's back, sliding up his arm. He feels Aziraphale shiver on his seat and he smiles, running the back of his cold fingers from Aziraphale's ear down to his neck, right to that sensitive spot Crowley found mere days after they took the next step in his relationship and, honestly, was still his favorite.

The angel clears his throat and throws the napkin he was holding on the table.

"Excuse me for a second, dear girl. I have to go to the restroom." He leans closer to Anathema as he says it, and she only replies with a quick nod.

Aziraphale taps Crowley's leg, so he would pull it away, and gets up, not before holding Crowley's jacket sleeve and subtlety pulling on it.

Crowley counted 18 seconds, before he gets up and follows the angel through the no longer dark corridors. The angel doesn't look back until he finds a random door and reaches for the doorknob, testing it. The door opens and he peers inside, finding what seems to be a dark office, with a large table and a few chairs.

"That doesn't look like a bathroom, angel." Crowley comments playfully, stopping right behind Aziraphale and looking over his shoulder into the dark room.

"Shut up, will you?" He comands, before suddenly turning around and grabbing Crowley by the black tie, pulling him inside and kicking the door close behind them.

[judasonhisknees]

a good butch who listens so well to his femmes instructions. who's never had the pleasure of feeling his hand wrapped around a fucked out femmes neck but is so eager to learn. who leaves as many marks and love bites on his femmes tits and bites her as hard as she wants because hes such a good boy and all he wants to do is make his femme feel like his own personal god

[anexistingexistence]

David: Hey Darlin' how has your day been?

Darlin': Well, I woke up at 8, had depression for four hours, and then I brushed my teeth for the first time in like two weeks. I also used moisturizer for my face and that was really nice- Oh, and I almost threw up like two hours ago because I didn't eat all day but then I ate a pudding so now I'm better and-

David: You didn't brush your teeth in how long?

[alaskan-wallflower]

darry soda and pony tired to make a band when they were younger

[justiceforskywarp]

Ultrakill rots your brain in a special way and I don’t mean it makes you ship focused or violent video game brain or makes you simp for our beloved gay twink angel. Rather you will be vibing with two of your friends one who plays ultrakill and one who doesn’t and they’ll look you dead in the eye and say “USELESS” to which you will immediately respond “THY END IS NOW” to which they will return “JUDGEMENT” to which you respond “C R U S H” all while your friend who is normal looks between the two of you like you’re fucking delusional

[mothgirl-number-4]

who even cares im just playing with this piece of string until the easily lost cat appears

[rottin6]

guys would you class it as cheating if your s/o was consistently texting an ai bot as though it was a real person and sometimes even sexting them

[caprice-nisei-enjoyer]

We need to RETVRN to the country we were 5 minutes ago, before I shat my pants

[frogmanfae]

Ester and Mayer: our son is so responsible and put together and happy, we did good

David: *pouring lemon juice into a shot glass and taking shots at 3 am to feel something because he's stressed beyond belief and also too scared to drink his parents' alcohol*

[karinathebutterwolf2k5]

Imagine This...

It was Wednesday, December 5th, 2001, and a 4-year-old child was wandering all alone in the living room. At first, he/she thought that this was the perfect chance to do whatever he/she wanted, especially because his/her parents wouldn't come back until either Thursday night, Friday afternoon, or Saturday morning. But, he/she ended up getting bored.

So, he/she decided to go watch TV. He/She was constantly changing channels because he/she couldn't really find anything good to watch.

But, then, he/she stopped changing channels when he/she came across a black screen with, in white, and all caps, text saying the following:

ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS SHOW--EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE--ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. ALL CELEBRITY VOICES ARE IMPERSONATED.....POORLY. THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT IT SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE□

Of course, because he/she was only 4 years old at the time, he/she ignored the text, and he/she continued watching TV anyway.

The first thing he/she saw after the text was what looked like 4 children; 4 CARTOON children, and all 4 of those cartoon children were boys: the first one was a boy wearing a blue hat with a red poofy thing on top of it; the second one was a boy wearing a green hat with little flappy/floppy things sticking out; the third one was a fat boy; and the fourth one was a boy wearing an orange jacket that covered everything except (parts of) his eyes.

The show that he/she was about to watch was called "South Park" which may be a cartoon, but, little did he/she know, it was NOT a CHILDREN'S cartoon.

Once again, he/she was only 4 years old at the time. Because of that, he/she thought that the cartoon that he/she was about to watch was for children anyway. So, he/she STILL kept on watching TV.

After the intro (and maybe some commercials too), the first thing he/she saw was an abortion clinic named "Unplanned Parenthood" which was a reference to (or a parody/satire on) Planned Parenthood.

As mentioned before, he/she was only 4 years old at the time. Therefore, he/she (most likely) didn't know what was an abortion clinic, nor did he/she know what was abortion alone. As a matter of fact, he/she didn't even know what was going on overall at all!

That was. until.. he/she saw this...

The boy wearing a blue hat with a red poofy thing on top of it and the boy wearing a green hat with little flappy/floppy things sticking out, whose names were Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski, respectively, were sent to the principal's office. At first, they thought it was because their friend, Eric Cartman, who was the fat boy, was ditching school due to all of the research on abortion and stem cells that he had been doing for a while (only to realize that abortion had been banned). Luckily, that was NOT the reason why Stan and Kyle were sent to the principal's office. NOT luckily, the REAL reason why Stan and Kyle were sent to the principal's office was WAY worse than that: the REAL reason why Stan and Kyle were sent to the principal's office was because their OTHER friend, Kenny McCormick, who was the boy wearing an orange jacket that covered everything except (parts of) his eyes, was diagnosed with a terminal disease/illness. The 4-year-old child who was watching this didn't know what that meant until Stan's father, Randy Marsh, told his son: "They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, which means... well, son, that means he's going to be going to Heaven soon." Kyle reacted to this by saying: "Wait, Kenny's going to die?" Kyle's father, Gerald Broflovski, answered his son's question with: "He might, Kyle." Stan, with pure sadness, said: "But, he's our friend!" and "No, this can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die!" Stan was crying a lot, and the 4-year-old child who was watching the show was crying in stereo with Stan.

After the commercial break, just when he/she stopped crying, the 4-year-old child started to cry again when he/she saw the scene where Kenny was in a hospital.

He/She cried SLIGHTLY more than the first time, most likely because the characters themselves were either crying too or just sad in general.

Despite being only 4 years old at the time, he/she finally wanted to leave, or at least change the channel. But, he/she didn't want to miss out on the rest of the show. In addition, he/she couldn't change the channel anymore because the remote's batteries have been dead since he/she landed on Comedy Central, which was the channel that aired the show. So, he/she had no other choice but to continue watching TV.

Speaking of death...

The 4-year-old child finally saw the one scene from THE ENTIRE SHOW that is enough to make EVERYONE cry.

Stan was finally ready to visit Kenny, hence why he was holding a present, so he could give it to him. But, by the time he got there, it was too late, for Kenny had finally died. Kyle told Stan: "He just stopped breathing, and it was over." Stan told Kyle: "I didn't get to see him. I didn't get to say goodbye." Stan asked Kyle: "Did he say anything before he went?" Kyle answered Stan: "He just said: "Where's Stan?""

The 4-year-old child cried MUCH more than not only the first time, but he/she cried MUCH more than the SECOND time too. In fact, once the show finished, he/she decided to skip late play-time in favor of early bed-time... in tears, of course.

His/Her parents finally came back Thursday night, and their 4-year-old son/daughter explained to them what he/she watched on Wednesday.

At least he/she TRIED TO explain to his/her parents what he/she watched on Wednesday.

As mentioned many times, the child who just watched "South Park" for the first time was only 4 years old at the time. So, he/she wasn't TRULY able to explain it himself/herself.

His/her parents told him/her that it was okay, but they explained to him/her what he/she watched on Wednesday: they told him/her that what he/she watched on Wednesday was an episode of "South Park" which, despite being a cartoon, was NOT a CHILDREN'S cartoon; in fact, it was an ADULT cartoon. In addition, they told him/her that the show, despite the episode he/she watched while they were gone, was NOT supposed to make people CRY; in fact, it was supposed to make people LAUGH. The reason why his/her parents knew about this was because they watched the episode themselves while they were gone. As a matter of fact, they watched (almost) EVERY other episode of the show: the only thing was that they never let him/her watch it with them because they felt like it was too disturbing for children like him/her to watch. Actually, it WAS too disturbing for children like him/her to watch.

So, the parents decided to put their 4-year-old son/daughter to bed. But, before they did so, they told him/her to not watch "South Park" even while no one else was watching, until he/she turned 18 years old.

I made this just for fun, though I MIGHT have a continuation for this in mind. Besides, how and WHY the Hell would this be based on a true story? Newsflash, it's NOT based on a true story!

[sparrow-in-a-coffee-tin]

pawn shop

for hours, you will stare at me

a marble sculpture in a pawn shop of woes

filled with trinkets and mementos of days gone

even still, i fit right in

among the broken records and journals

because much like them,

someone loved me as well

before they eventually left me

for you to observe

[i-am-trans-gwender]

My autistic transfem ass: *explaining the lore of my frog girl barbarian with a sword bigger than her in great detail and how I plan to use them in Dungeons and Dragons*

The chaser regreting all there life decisions waiting for me to shut up:

Disclaimer: This post is NOT based on real events. It's just a joke. Also I want every chaser to go to Hell no matter what.

[poetrymirth]

Sochti thi suhane sapne dekhungi

par kya pata tha ki tumahari yaadon se jagungi

[imjustherefortheshipping]

And what if someone asks „who do you admire?“ and my answer is Sirius Black?

What then?

And if someone asks „but who do you aspire to be?“ and my answer is still Sirius Black?

What then??

[perfect-snaccccccc]

7 up! I was tagged by @courfee and I was scared but someone’s read a little bit of it now and liked it so here’s a bit of my classics fic :)))

Regulus hates the way that the presence of people can ruin a perfectly good thing. He had spent months plotting out this evening to the tiniest detail and every single one had gone off without a hitch. The central hall of the museum was washed in green light with a path indicated by candles that looked as if they were floating, casting intimate shadows upon the statues strewn among the columns and peaking out from alcoves. As he strolled down the hall with a rehearsed nonchalance, he couldn't help but smile smugly that he had won the fight for the candlelight. It had exactly the effect he had intended, casting doubt in your periphery. Regulus felt flashes of movement from his left and right as if the statues might step down off their pedestal and reach out to him.

There’s a group of art students blocking the path just ahead of him, constantly shifting in their best suits and dresses, fiddling with cuffs, humming with laughter, with all attention momentarily on one person in particular, animatedly telling a story over a glass of red wine that he is perilously close to spilling.

Interesting. Wine. not champagne. Either he’s an old money eccentric or he’s an idiot.

The wine unceremoniously sloshes over the edge of the glass and everyone is laughing even louder, but there’s a slight glimmer of panic in his eyes as he continues to speak, scanning the room for something to wipe it up with. His mouth is still running a thousand miles an hour, searching for the end of the story.

An idiot. Noted.

———

no I don’t know how to use a full-stop thanks for noticing 😌

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

My favorite thing about J. Jonah Jameson is that he just hates Spider-Man. He supports mutants and doesn't hate enhanced people. He's not racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic. He just hates Spider-Man. And I'm half convinced that he's faking for the publicity.

He'd probably get pissed if he hears someone hating on Spider-Man for being enhanced.

"Spiderman isn't a menace because he can climb walls! He's a menace because he's climbing walls without a license or safety equipment! He's setting a bad example!"

"I just want you to know that you that your identity as an enhanced person is valid. Your identity as Spiderman is trash."