#(my internship hasn't even started yet)

[citybops]

is post grad life gonna be this awful i don't think im build for this tbh

[hiisheart]

( maybe my thesis should be on the shit trans music therapy interns put up with instead of what it is now. )

[star-mum]

i have 3 different articles (15-20 pages) to read this week, one dissertation (200+ pages) to read/summarize for an extracurricular, look at REAL STATE in my town for a fake business we're making in an "entrepreneurship" class (to me feels kinda useless but OKAY) AND talk to my thesis advisor about... well my thesis : D

[neptuneiris]

cardigan (epilogue) (1/2)

i knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired, and you'd be standin' in my front porch light.

pairing: modern!aemond × best friend reader!

summary: being in love with your best friend since high school becomes a strong and unavoidable feeling. until it starts to become more difficult when you get to college and the two of you, especially him, meet new people.

word count: 9.9K

previous part • next part

obviously i didn't expect this to be too long hahaha, even i was surprised, i didn't realize it was too much. so i decided to make the epilogue in two parts. thank u all so much por reading❤

Life in Highgarden could not have exceeded your expectations more.

At first you felt like you were supposed to when you came to live in a new city: terrified, anxious and nervous. You didn't want to feel lonely, but it was inevitable considering you know nothing and no one.

And when you arrive at your new dorm, you immediately loved it. Your room is bigger than the one at King's Landing and you have a beautiful view with lots of trees around and green grass.

Highgarden is well known for the fantastic flora and fauna. Everything is green, there are big trees and beautiful plants, there are even lakes and the weather ¡is perfect.

Yet you didn't have much time to get to know the city, because a week after you arrived, your classes started. And a week after you started your classes, you started your internship.

You met Arthur Winslow, the psychologist responsible of your internship, owner of a mental clinic for children, teenagers and adults.

He explained to you from the beginning that, once you were prepared, you would be present in cases of children and teenagers as well as adults to start your experience.

In addition, you would also support him in administrative things, such as his schedule, phone calls and so on. The pay is at a fair price, so it's perfect.

And as a result of Aileen and Sara not making it into the exchange program, you made new friends in your classes.

Although even if your friends had gotten in, Aileen would have chosen to go to Dorne and Sara to Winterfell, so you started talking to the people in your class.

They all came from different parts of the country, only a very few came from King's Landing and you didn't really talk to them much.

And after the first month passed, you just couldn't get any better.

You adjusted perfectly to your internship, to your classes which are wonderful and you also made good friends very quickly with whom you finally had that security to go around Highgarden almost in its entirety.

You went to many places, whether it was squares, parks, museums, lakes and even aquariums. Everything was so beautiful.

You took pictures, videos, made compilations with all your visits to upload to your Instagram, and even went out for fun on weekends to parties and bars with your friends.

You kept in touch with your friends at King's Landing and also let your parents know what you were doing by sending them pictures, videos and also talking to them on the phone.

Even Helaena messaged you by replying to one of your Instagram stories asking how you were doing and how you were doing at Highgarden.

Also her older brother messaged you, Aegon. He asked you how you were doing and also told you that he hasn't seen you in a while.

In truth with Aegon you did not speak much and fortunately neither of the two Targaryen brothers mentioned Aemond and for that you were grateful.

You were not thinking about him, not since you came to Highgarden and that is why you felt so at peace with yourself.

Despite being completely focused on your classes and internships more than anything else, you didn't lie to your friends that you had met and talked to a few guys.

You mostly met them at college parties, but nothing formal, it was all just hanging out.

You didn't have the mindset to really date, you didn't feel like you needed to and really a Highgarden guy didn't suit you if you were six months from now coming back to King's Landing.

You just had fun, experienced new things and officially started your psychology training.

And with the date getting closer and closer to return to King's Landing, you realized you didn't want to leave. Neither did Vhagar. At least not yet.

You grew attached very quickly to everything at Highgarden, even Vhagar with her walks in the parks and the view of the sunset when you took her for a stroll around the lake as well.

Everything was quiet and you felt at peace. However, you admit that you miss your friends and your life at King's Landing.

It's kind of a bittersweet taste to have to leave to go home. You definitely plan to come back because you've even grown quite fond of Dr. Winslow.

Until finally the date arrives and it's time to go back.

It was six months and yet it felt like it all happened in a matter of weeks. Yet you know you enjoyed every second at Highgarden and you don't feel like you wasted any time.

You immediately text your mom that you have landed at King's Landing and you also send a picture of your arrival to the group chat with Aileen, Sara and Ryan.

You call for an Uber and soon you find yourself arriving at the dorm with Vhagar in your arms.

The man driver helps you carry your bags up to your room, which you couldn't feel more grateful for, and as you enter that small space where you started your dependency, you feel nostalgic because you had missed it and happy because you are back.

And not long after you arrived, of course your friends would pay you an unannounced visit to welcome you back.

"You have to tell us everything.”

"And you have to show us the pictures you didn't upload to your Instagram."

"Did you meet cute guys?"

"How was your dorm?"

"How is the food?"

"We have to go to a party to celebrate."

You laugh as you notice the excitement in Aileen and Sara who are the ones asking all the questions while you and Ryan watch them with a small, amused smile.

And even though you didn't answer their questions, they still say they should get something to eat and drag you along with them to tell them everything.

Ryan takes them to a fast food restaurant in the middle of the university and soon the table is filled with fries, sodas, burgers, pizza and so on.

"You have to go one day, the program for the psychology internships are the best. The school is not that big, but the teachers are amazing, they even organize tours to many mental clinics of all kinds for all the students themselves. The only bad thing | could tell you about Highgarden is the food, it's not that good."

"Ugh no, dont tell me that,” says Aileen with a long-suffering face, "Don't make me change my mind about choosing Highgarden over Dorne if | get to go on exchange next year."

"But why would you want to go to a desert?” Ryan asks her confused, "Do you like to get your ass all sweaty?"

"Dorne is a place with incredible wonders and a lot of history, in case you didn't know,” she says seriously, "l've always wanted to see Sunspear."

"Just like any other place, genius. Besides, don't you know the temperatures reported in Dorne? It's like living in hell,” Ryan tells her incredulously. "l'm more supportive of Sara's idea to go to Winterfell where, if she's lucky, she'Il be able to go beyond the North and see the Wall. l'd rather do that than be dying of heat."

"So you'd rather be freezing to death?"

"Yes. A million times yes."

"And what about the parties?"

Sara asks you, picking up the subject and leaving aside for a moment Aileen and Ryan who continue arguing about Dorne and any other place in Westeros where according to Ryan it's better.

“They're not as noisy as here, but you still have a good time," you confess.

"Of course you have a good time,” Sara tells you mischievously, "All those guys you met seemed like they would really show you a good time."

You lower your gaze with a small embarrassed smile.

"It was just for the moment, that's all."

"And you didn't have any luck with any of them?"

You deny, looking at her again.

"I didn't want to. It wasn't...” You let out a sigh, "lt wasn't ideal."

"Oh come on, why not?” she asks incredulously, offended, "Didn't you get a good look at them? They were very handsome, Y/N. And they were just videos you sent us, I'm sure they were really hot in person."

You let out a small laugh, denying again.

"I didn't want to get attached to one of them, let alone start dating because | knew |'d be back here,” you confess, "And the whole long-distance relationships thing... it's not really my thing."

Sara grimaces and gives you a look of understanding at the same time.

"Well," she sighs, "At least you had fun with them."

"Not with all of them,” you clarify amused.

"But you did, so that counts."

After talking some more with Sara, since Aileen and Ryan are still busy debating... or rather fighting, you leave your part of the money for them to pay the bill while you go to the bathroom.

When you return, as you walk towards the table with your friends, a voice you know very well despite not having heard it in a while makes you stop as you hear your name called out.

"Y/N?"

And when you turn your head, a surprised Aegon Targaryen looks at you with a huge smile, standing with him is Helaena, apparently both of them having just arrived at the restaurant.

For an instant you panic at the thought that he's probably here too, but you're relieved to see that it's just the two of them.

"Is that you? Really?"

Aegon asks you amused, wasting no time in approaching you with Helaena following him and you also smile in his direction and shorten the distance between the two of you.

"It's been a long time since l've seen you too, Egg."

"Oh you little devil, you haven't forgotten how much | hate it when you call me that."

You both laugh and he wraps you in a tight hug that you reciprocate with the same affection, because even though Aemond was your best friend, you are still fond of all his brothers and nephews who have always been very good to you.

"Where have you been hiding? I haven't seen you for years."

He tells you incredulously, separating from you and you shrug your shoulders, already anticipating that you will talk about him. And even if you don't want to, you'll still have to.

"You know... here and there,” you say without much detail, shrugging your shoulders.

"Here and there where?" he asks you amused.

"Well... at school, with my friends and also at my exchange."

“But I dont see you around our house anymore, not even on birthdays, you didn't go to the ball either," he says almost in a sad tone, "You don't talk to my brother anymore, do you?" he asks a little more seriously, "Since the ball happened and he didn't take you, I knew something had happened. It seemed strange to me since you always went together every year."

You let out a long breath, lick your lips and nod, not wanting to give more importance to that matter that already happened many months ago.

"Yeah," you smile a little, affirming, "Yeah, since then."

"Forgive him,” Helaena stands between the two of you, with a smile and a sorry look, "l told him clearly that he won't ask you about him if he sees you when you come back, but his mental capacity is so low that the idiot doesn't understand."

You can't help but laugh at this, while Aegon at her side looks at her offended.

"l only wanted to corroborate what you told me,” he says innocently.

"Corroborate?" Helaena asks him.

"Yes," he says at once, still offendead, "I didn't believe you. At least not much. The two of them were inseparable and to suddenly not be friends anymore... it was like when | found out that Jack and Rose never existed and it was just a fictional story for the Titanic movie, I couldn't believe it and i felt cheated."

"Shut the fuck up."

Helaena says to him with a bad face and then turns to you with the smile and the softest and most pleasant look so characteristic of her.

"l'm so happy you're back. I didn't even know you were back, if i had known i would have texted you and we would have gone for a coffee."

"Thank you, Hel,” you smile softly at her, "And no, i didn't say anything about coming back and i honestly don't know why. I was so sad to leave but at the same time i was desperate to be back home."

"And what about Highgarden?" she asks you excitedly, "l've always been looking forward to going there. The nature there is just wonderful. There are lots of aquariums, isn't there?"

"Yes, yes, everything is amazing," you assure her, "Except the food. That's my only complaint. Everything is too... healthy"

"Oh yes, i knew that already," she says to you in understanding.

"And where do you live now that you don't live with my brother anymore?" Aegon asks interested, "Did you rent an apartment for yourself?"

"No, no, i live in a dorm now,” you clarify, "Because of the scholarship i got a big discount, and with the money i got paid for my internship at Highgarden, i have a chance to look for another job around here for a month."

"Oh, great,” he nods, listening to you attentively.

"A friend of mine who works at a boutique nearby recently told me they're looking for female employees. She works part time, maybe you have the same schedule if i pass you her number and she gives you more information."

Helaena tells you with such confidence that you're thankful that the first day you've been back to King's Landing, she's already saved you from looking for a job.

The flower shop where you worked before is already full of employees since your quitting, Sara told you since she went to ask to let you know before returning to King's Landing.

And now Helaena has helped you with that.

"That would help me a lot, Hel. Thank you so much."

"Oh, it's nothing,” she says nonchalantly taking her phone, "I'II tell my friend and then I'll pass you her number, don't worry."

After talking and keeping up with both of you for a few more minutes, your friends call you to leave and that's when the three of you say goodbye.

They both tell you if you want to keep them company, but since you've already eaten and you also have a mess in your room that needs to be cleaned up for your return, you agree to go out to dinner next week.

And just as you say, that's what happens once you're back in your dorm.

Vhagar greets you and keeps you company as you start to get all your clothes, shoes, make-up and all your stuff out of the suitcases. You also get something in and start arranging your few pieces of furniture in different ways in your space, wanting to try something new.

You put all your clothes in your closet, not wanting to leave anything for later, that takes some time, also to sweep and rearrange everything as you had it in your small bathroom.

You even fill a basket with clothes that need to be washed and go down to the laundry room, really not wanting to leave anything for later knowing that you have busy weeks ahead of you because of college and you want to get everything ready.

You wait for the clothes to be washed and also to dry, then go back to your room and continue organizing everything.

Until the sunset starts to show through your window and realizing that you are not missing anything anymore, you can finally lay down on your bed with Vhagar and rest.

You pick up your phone and begin to entertain yourself with Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, letting the time pass.

Vhagar settles in next to you and you get more comfortable to start watching Tiktoks, entertaining yourself for another good time.

You think to yourself that maybe later you'll go downstairs to buy something from the vending machine and watch a movie or maybe a series until you fall asleep, sounding like an awesome plan for you.

Then you finally get up, grab your most comfortable clothes and take a bath. It doesn't take you long and you dry your hair, then you feed Vhagar and take money to go buy food and watch the movie or series.

When suddenly there is a knock on your door.

You watch it in silence, thinking confused that you are not expecting anyone. And you have no idea who it could be. You didn't agree with your friends that they would come here later if you've already seen each other in the morning.

You check your messages to see if any of your friends told you they were coming to visit you unexpectedly, but nothing.

So you go to open the door thinking that it must be one of your friends and they decided not to tell you about coming over, but when you open your door you didn't expect it to be your ex-best friend, Aemond.

You freeze the moment you see him, definitely not expecting it.

As his gaze lights up when he sees you and the two of you are face to face after what felt like an eternity of the two of you not seeing each other.

You unconsciously take a step back, surprised and confused, your lips parted, as he watches you intently, almost with a hopeful look, maybe because he's afraid you'll slam the door in his face.

But you don't move from shock because you didn't expect it to be him and you didn't expect to see him so suddenly after so many months.

And he… hasn't changed.

You know it's only been months, there's not much difference, but it's the same appearance since the last time you saw him. His hair is still short to your surprise and his clothing style is the same.

What you do notice are the muscles on his arms are more pronounced and you also get the impression that he is a little taller.

While you… what can you say about yourself? Really nothing.

The only new thing you've done is to start trotting in the mornings, also your hair is short below your shoulders when before you had it down to your waist and you've put more earrings in both ears.

And neither of you say anything.

The two of you are simply inspecting each other after a long time without seeing each other, you mostly feeling just as confused to see him here.

You really don't understand how he is here. Or rather how he knew you were already back.

He certainly couldn't have known, you still have him blocked from all your social media networks.

Then….?

You ask yourself but the answer comes to you in a second.

Aegon.

You think in affirmative mode. And also probably Helaena because the three of you met at the restaurant. But you know it was Aegon who must have told him everything.

You don't doubt that maybe Hel wanted to kill him.

When after a few more seconds, the two of them not speaking and just watching each other, you finally react, instantly feeling nervous, without really knowing why.

Also that little remorse comes to your chest for everything that happened between you and what happened the last time you saw each other, remembering everything you told him crying.

You hug yourself and bite the inside of your cheek, also as he is looking at you, remembering his girlfriend, the ball and also your birthday.

When he speaks first.

"Hi."

He says to you letting out a sigh afterwards, stirring in front of you, keeping his hands in his jacket pockets, which are movements you know he does when he's nervous.

Also his look tells you he's a bit worried and anxious, but he still stands tall in front of you, his lilac eye watching you intently and having a slight gleam in it.

And his sapphire in your direction… it looks just as beautiful and stunning as ever.

"Hi."

You answer him with your tone of voice a little lower and feeling a little uncomfortable, puzzled, but you also stand firm in front of him, feeling nervous.

You certainly weren't prepared for when this moment happened and you know he wasn't either, yet here he is.

"W-what are you doing here?"

You ask trying not to let your voice sound shaky, holding back.

He swallows hard and looks away from you for a moment while he presses his lips together, to look at you again with those nerves and that certain hope.

"Actually… I wasn't too sure about coming here," he confesses with a soft look in his eyes, just like his voice, "Aegon told me you had returned to King's Landing and I wanted to see it myself."

At this, you lower your gaze for a moment and bite your lips. Yet… strangely… you don't feel upset.

"He told me by accident and got a good punch from Helaena," he adds and you look at him again.

You don't say anything for a few seconds, just look away from him, swallow hard and let out a long breath.

"Well, it's true, I'm back. If that's all, you can go now…

"Y/N..."

He calls out to you this time hopefully, interrupting you in a quick tone, not wanting to waste the opportunity and clearly not wanting this to be over any faster than he wants it to be.

It's the first time you've seen each other in months and in all these months a lot has happened and he just… wants to try.

It doesn't matter that you in the end don't want to, that you're still upset and don't want to see him, because he will understand and he will finally respect your decision, but he wants to try first.

He doesn't want to leave without trying.

"I know you probably don't want to, because I know you didn't expect to see me and maybe you even want to kick me out…"

He says lowering his gaze for a second, sighing, and then he looks at you again.

"But I want to risk myself," he tells you honestly, "and I'll understand if you say no, truly," he assures you, "I just want to talk to you and after this, if you still don't want me to bother you anymore, then I won't go near you again, I assure you."

He tells you and you remain paralyzed again for a few seconds, listening to him and watching him with your lips parted.

"And if you want me to leave now, I will. But I just want to try…" he lets out a long breath, gathering his courage, "So…. may I come in, please?"

He asks you softly, watching you just the same and almost expectantly, stirring continuously where he stands, knowing full well that he is as nervous as you are, while you have no idea what to do.

Your mind starts thinking fast, considering what you should and shouldn't do.

But the truth is that nothing comes to your mind. You just have a quick, unexpected debate on whether to let him into your room or not.

Vhagar behind you barks twice, watching Aemond very intently, while repeatedly wagging her tail back and forth excitedly and looking very playful.

While Aemond in front of you watches her with excitement and some hope, to again focus on you, ready to face the decision you will make, either yes or no.

And finally after what feels like an eternity, you know that rejecting him is probably the best option, but for some reason… you can't find the courage to do it.

And not because seeing him now in front of you and having heard his words has softened your heart, but because you realize that your heart doesn't hurt like it used to.

Maybe it was all the time you stayed apart and you healed in Highgarden, helped by the change of air, your lifestyle and the new people around you, unconsciously overcoming everything that happened between you, that you don't feel that pain anymore.

However… you do feel a weight. A weight on your shoulders and in your heart.

And it is because of that weight that after considering it in depth, with your soft gaze, you step aside and open the door wider, allowing him the entrance to your room.

Aemond would be lying if at that moment he didn't feel as if he had just received the news that he won the lottery, because surprise overcomes him and also relief.

And not wanting you to take it back, he enters your room, thanking you with his gaze in silence, while you control your nerves and close the door, facing this.

He in an instant is already in Vhagar who eagerly and seemingly happily enjoys being in his arms and licks his hands and cheeks, making him laugh and give her kisses, caressing her.

You can't help but smile a little at the scene, but you are just the same neutral and firm.

When he watches you over Vhagar, he leaves another kiss on her head and sets her back down on your bed, now looking as if he has no idea what to do.

He honestly didn't think it would go this far. He thought you'd slam the door in his face.

But you're both here. Face to face with each other. And certainly with a lot of things to say that you couldn't say to each other before.

"Hmm…" he says, stirring and glancing briefly at your room, "Did I interrupt you with something important?"

He asks and watches you intently, to which you deny, crossing your arms.

"No," you answer softly, "I was just planning to go buy something from the vending machine downstairs and watch something, a movie or a series."

"Oh," he nods, understanding, "well, if you want, I'll go," he offers, "you haven't eaten anything?"

"No. You?"

"I haven't either. But I can go and buy some dinner for both of us, only if you want. There are many restaurants near here."

"Well…

You stir uncomfortably.

"Only if you want."

"Yeah, no problem," he assures you.

And again he leaves you alone in your room saying he will be back soon, making you sigh and sit on your bed with an almost terrified expression… not expecting or understanding any of this.

The fact that he's gone to buy food helps you mentally prepare yourself for when he comes back, having no idea how they'll start talking about everything that happened.

You don't even know what he will tell you first, but you calm down and use the time he has given you to not feel nervous and terrified.

You take a deep breath, you say that everything will be fine, that this shouldn't be awkward… or at least not too awkward and that if both you and he start to feel like it's too much, you can both say so.

And of course you don't want any of this to lead to a fight. It wouldn't be wise and it's totally unnecessary.

When after a few minutes, Aemond returns with Chinese food, soda and fries from the vending machine.

He actually buys you some of your favorite chips and has also ordered you the Chinese food exactly the way you like it. At this you just thank him and both of you settle into your bed.

You put Vhagar down, give him some of her food and the two of you begin to eat.

At first it did feel a little awkward, but then, as you talk about the food being delicious and ask both of you to pass such things around, the mood begins to lighten and it's like going back to when you both lived together.

The two of them are comfortable, eating, talking about anything and watching a movie, although this time there is no movie.

And he is the first to start a conversation.

"How was Highgarden?" he observes you attentively, his gaze soft, interested.

"Incredible," you answer without hesitation.

He nods, as the two of you put more pieces of food in your mouths and then you take a sip from your bottle of soda.

"You told me that's where the best psychology internship programs are, right?"

"Yes," you affirm, "When I found out I got into the exchange program, it was the first place I applied."

"And you didn't have any problems?"

"No," you observe him softly, "Because of my good grades they didn't deny me anything, they gave me one of the first places in internships for Highgarden and everything was a very fast process. And when I got there and met the psychologist in charge of me and his clinic… it was just amazing."

"Yeah," he murmurs, "yeah, I can imagine. And I'm happy for you."

He tells you honestly, with a small smile that you return. A genuine smile from both of us.

"Thank you."

"And how did it all go? What was that you were doing? Did you get to know all of Highgarden too?"

And you tell him everything.

You tell him how your first weeks were, how was your dorm, the university, the new people you met, your internship, Dr. Arthur, what you had to do and you even told him about some very interesting cases.

You also told him about the places you met, showed him pictures and videos. You tell him that you went out partying on a few weekends, all the while he listens to you and watches you with great attention, looking genuinely interested, and asking you more questions.

Until you have nothing more to tell him about your six months at Highgarden.

"What about you? Haven't you started your internship yet?"

You ask him interestedly.

"Yes, since April," he says, "Obviously it wasn't difficult. I'm going to my father's company and I got some of my friends to do their internships there as well.

"Oh," you nod, understanding, "and what do you say?"

"What do I say?" he repeats, letting out a sigh, "well, it's not as interesting as what you told me," he says with a small smile, "It's all finance, paperwork, computer programs and so on. But that's what I like and I've been doing very well."

"Yes," you murmur, looking at a spot in your room, "But it's interesting," you tell him, "I've always thought you'd end up like one of the characters in Succession, someday running your father's important company as a rich and powerful man.

He smiles softly and then looks at you, to which you also smile in his direction.

"Am I right?" you ask him amused.

"In fact yes, you are absolutely right," he assures you in the same way.

There's no more food except for chips and soda, so he then starts talking to you more about his life and everything he's been doing lately besides college and his internship.

All while you both stare at an unimportant spot in your room, side by side, eating junk food.

And you listen to him with close attention, really interested in wanting to know what his life has been like now that you are no longer a part of it.

He tells you about how he has spent more time with his family, he tells you about Daeron, Rhaenyra, Daemon and even his cousins and nephews, Jace, Luke, Joffrey, Baela and Rhaena.

He tells you how they all spent a small part of the summer on Driftmark, an island near Dragonstone where his whole family also has a property right there, but which belongs to his aunt and uncle Rhaenys and Corlys.

You knew about Driftmark, but never in your years of friendship with Aemond did he invite you there because all his family always organized anything in his huge mansion here in King's Landing or in Dragonstone.

He also tells you about upcoming birthdays and everything his mother has planned.

And in everything he talks about, he doesn't mention Alys at all, maybe for fear that you might get upset or uncomfortable and want him to leave, because you don't dare ask him about her either.

You just let him talk to you about the first thing that comes to his mind, both of you comfortable in your bed and still eating junk food.

When Aemond seems to have told you everything and you both stay in a comfortable silence, almost shoulder to shoulder, both of you watching your little room and just letting time pass by.

And that's when Aemond watches you with his soft gaze, while you continue to eat fried food, staring into nothing. He swallows hard and lets out a long breath.

"I owe you an apology."

You freeze for a moment, still looking at everything around you but him, surprised by his words and beginning to understand where this is going.

Unable to help yourself, you look at him and he looks at you with a look that is both serious and gentle, looking honest, only to look away, maybe because of nerves, and continue talking.

"I was a very bad friend to you," he says in a murmur, "what I did to you is something unforgivable, I know, something you didn't deserve," he admits, "I don't expect you to forgive me Y/N, I'm not asking for that, I just want to talk to you and that you listen to me, that….

"I don't want to listen to your apologies only if you say them out of pity, Aemond," you interrupt him, serious.

"What? No, no, this is not for pity, Y/N," he assures you, honest and desperate to clarify, "I never felt pity for you and you know it."

"I don't know," you mutter, "After what happened, you made me doubt if our friendship was genuine or because you wanted and were my friend for pity," you confess.

"Y/N…" he tells you in a sigh, sad, denying, "since you left… since we stopped seeing and talking to each other… you don't know everything I wanted to tell you, everything I wanted to apologize for even if you didn't forgive me."

"Aemond…" you call him cautiously, "you can't apologize to me just to make me forgive you and your girlfriend too, you….

"I broke up with Alys."

He interrupts you with the most honest and quickest sentence he's ever said in all the time you've been together, making you freeze once more and stare at him with your lips parted.

And he watches you with the most honest look, wanting to clarify that point as much as possible and that there is no doubt, even feeling proud to say it.

"I broke up with her days after you left the apartment, and that was the last time we saw each other," he explains, in a low, honest tone.

But even after telling you that, you don't feel entirely confident. That's why you lower your gaze and swallow hard as you consider how strong his relationship was.

"But if you go back with her, I don't….

"No, Y/N," he says to you in denial, "I'm done with her for good," he assures you, "I didn't want to and I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore. I don't care anymore, she's nothing to me and never really was in all the time we were together."

You listen to him surprised, attentive, breathing a little faster than usual, not understanding, while he then starts to tell you everything.

Everything he wanted to tell you since your friendship started to fall apart and the moment it broke.

"Alys managed to get my attention a lot when we first met. She led me to believe on our first few dates that a relationship could be good, healthy and loving. But when we finally formalized everything, she started to show herself as the real person she is when she already had me," he explains, "And I naively gave her everything she asked for, even money, because I was obsessed with her and the way she made me feel. She made me feel so unique, so wanted and so special that I-I just…" he lets out a sigh, "I let her hold me in the palm of her hand."

He brings one of his hands to the nape of his neck, ruffling his short hair with his fingers, feeling strange telling you all this, but also feeling it as a necessity for you to listen and understand him.

And you really don't have any problem, you listen to him carefully and let him tell you everything he wants to tell you, still feeling a little sharp pain in your chest.

"She would even tell me things she didn't agree with or like, either about me or my family, making me feel bad and upset sometimes, but then she would turn them into just a point of view and convince me that I had misunderstood her, when I hadn't," he explains to you, "She told me that my mother was very controlling after she met her, that my siblings, even Helaena, seemed very weird to her, and that Daemon didn't seem like a good person."

You are surprised to hear that and pay more attention, while Aemond feels ashamed of himself for telling you this, but it is the truth.

"In that instant I should have put a stop to her, I know. But like the fucking idiot I am, I kept letting myself be easily manipulated by her, because she kept telling me it was just her first impression and her views," he says in a low, sorrowful whisper, "She just had a long conversation with my father without looking bored. I even noticed she changed her attitude and looked more… kind. But only with him."

He says in a bitter tone, while you understand what he's going on about.

"And of course, how could she not be nicer to him," he says with a smile and a bitter look, "With her about to graduate, she told him about that and also about her internship with the man who owns the most important company in the country. She talked about everything she knows and her skills, almost telling him her entire resume so he would hire her."

Now you let out a long breath, must have imagined it.

You thought Alys had really fallen in love with him. That's what you always thought until today when he gave you the news that he broke up with her months ago and that there was no love in the relationship.

You always thought that no girl could reject Aemond for his personality and his looks, that no one could reject him for being him, for knowing him and in an instant wanting to know more about him.

Because that's how you fell in love with him, you didn't fall in love because of what he had and what he could offer you professionally and economically.

But that was just what caught Alys' attention, not his personality and his heart.

"It also happened that when I would talk to her about my classes or an important project that I had worked hard on and got an excellent grade, she would say that it wasn't enough and that I needed to work harder to earn my father's company. She discredited everything I did, telling me that I had to do more so that someday I could be the boss and both of us could run the company, talking about those kinds of plans and almost assuring me that it would be like that," he says seriously and bitterly, "She insulted my friends, saying that they only cared about parties, that they were alcoholics and did not care about their studies, that they were useless and did not contribute anything to me now and would not do so in the future. She also said that I should have more serious and professional friends around me."

He lets out a long breath, really at that moment with you by your side realizing more how really bad his relationship was, the kind of very nasty girl he had by his side and how very blinded he was.

"The same thing happened with you," he says to you, saddened, "Clearly you know because you heard that conversation."

You bite your lips, remembering how bad she made you feel with her words. And so does he, corroborating with her.

"I owe you more than an apology for that, Y/N," he tells you honestly, "You were right, a best friend doesn't leave her best friend aside and that time I didn't even defend you. I should have stopped her, I should have put myself firm with her… but I didn't." he says apologetic, sad and disappointed, "and I'm very sorry for that."

Then you realize that you can't accept those apologies, because it really hurt you a lot to hear that conversation and that he didn't stand up for you because of the way you are and what you like to do.

If things had been the other way around, you would have defended Aemond with all your might, because he was your best friend.

"She was the reason why I started to leave you aside on weekends, why I gradually left you living alone and also why I didn't take care of Vhagar anymore, because she doesn't like dogs," he says seriously and sighs, "She was also the one who convinced me to take her to the ball and planned everything so I would forget your birthday," he confesses to you, saddened. "She deleted messages from you that morning, she confessed it to me when I confronted her when I realized that your birthday had already passed and that even weeks later she made me stay with her so I wouldn't see you. She also planned that stupid two hour dinner with her parents to delay me so I wouldn't notice and let the whole one night go by."

You bite your lips again, not watching him, feeling the urge to cry remembering that day, your birthday, because he also made you feel so bad during and still after by not getting any explanation from him.

And all because of her. But also for him, because he wouldn't put a stop to it.

"And yet I was still with her…" he says in a sigh, incredulous and disappointed in himself, "Like I said, she had me exactly the way she wanted me to be, and she would convince me otherwise when she didn't like something or made me behave differently than she wanted me to."

He shakes his head, feeling annoyed with himself for allowing it, for having fallen so low, letting himself be moved by her as she wanted, making him start to think that his friends were less important than her, his girlfriend.

That she was more important than Y/N, his best friend, who had always been there for him in very good and very difficult times, leaving her and throwing away their friendship of years for a relationship of months.

"She knew exactly what to do and what to say to make me stay," he murmurs, "But Alys never loved me and never really cared for me. She only cared about me out of interest and wanted to be with me out of the same interest, which was all she cared about."

"Did you love her?"

You dare to ask him without observing him, with a thread of voice, while Aemond at your side watches you for a few moments in silence and with his eye wide open in surprise.

I didn't expect you to ask him that, in fact I didn't expect any questions at all, but despite that, he knows the answer.

He knows it since the last time they both saw each other.

"No."

He respond in a low tone but completely serious and honest, while you dare to observe him surprised, but with an almost expressionless gaze and your lips parted.

"At first I came to have a certain affection for her … but only at first," he confesses, "Then it became that obsession with how she made me feel, but nothing else. I never came to love her and I am very relieved by that."

You take your eyes off him, closing your eyes for a moment, letting go of a long breath.

"And after I didn't see you again and I found out that you had gone on exchange… you don't know how that made me feel, Y/N," he swallows hard, "I had lost one of the most important people in my life. life for a fucking relationship and my own behavior. I wasn't thinking, I was an idiot. And I just wanted to scream and break everything for losing you… for not fixing it sooner."

An ugly and huge lump forms in your throat, observing an unimportant point in your room, your gaze lost and your eyes beginning to fill with tears.

You really didn't want to feel that way, you didn't want his words to soften you up, yet…they did.

But you hold back as much as you can, while Aemond next to you feels the same thing that you are feeling, but he doesn't dare to do anything about it, realizing your state, wanting to give you your space.

When you finally take a deep breath and talk to him even without looking at him.

“I missed you a lot too, Aemond. I missed you throughout your relationship with Alys and after I left to Highgarden. I missed you even when you didn't even deserve it."

You confess in a low and honest murmur, completely drawing his attention, you saying nothing else for a few seconds, swallowing the lump in your throat and completely holding back your tears.

While he listens to you and watches surprised, not expecting that, since he thought that all this time you had been hating him. He even thinks you hate him now.

And yes, if it was something like that, there was hatred, resentment, anger and courage for everything that happened, but even so, you also missed it very much.

You missed him, but you didn't forgive him.

"You also don't know how much I hate myself for ending our friendship, Y/N," he tells you in a sad and regretful whisper.

When you look back at him.

“I cannot forgive you, Aemond. Not yet."

And your words are like a dagger in the heart, a wound that, despite the fact that it hurts, accepts and respects it. He certainly didn't expect you to forgive him, but telling him that you had missed him, too, lit a small spark of hope in him. But it was not like that.

And he really respects it.

He doesn't want to make the same mistakes again, and so he does, feeling less weight on his shoulders, relieved that there aren't all those negative feelings between you anymore.

Nor does he expect that after this, everything will be back to the way it was before, because it won't.. He knows it's impossible. And if everything really ends between you both, then he will respect that too.

That's why he nods in your direction, both of you looking into each other's eyes, a understanding look and a small, soft, closed-mouthed smile on his lips, letting you know he's perfectly fine with that.

"Yes, i know," he assures you softly. “It's alright, I understand."

You nod gently in his direction, also placing a small gentle smile and both of you take your gazes away from each other and immersing in a comfortable silence.

Comfortable because finally neither of you feels that weight anymore and everything seems to be… fine.

Both of you have already said everything you wanted to say.

Or almost.

Because in the middle of that silence, Aemond starts thinking fast, having an indecisive debate in his mind, telling himself that enough has been enough, that everything is fine between you now and he doesn't want to ruin it.

But his heart tells him to do it, that there is still more.

While you by his side take your bottle of soda and take a sip, comfortable, this feeling good, but also knowing that this does not mean that the two will resume their friendship.

But for the moment… you enjoy it. You enjoy the moment.

And that's when he speaks again.

"After you left King's Landing…

He starts and you watch him, getting your attention.

"Helaena told me something," let out a long breath, "Something that made me finally realize my feelings and that made me have a little hope, even though you were already gone."

You are still watching him with attention, not having the slightest idea that it could be that what his sister told him, when Aemond looks up at you and looks into your eyes with his soft and honest gaze.

"She told me that you're in love with me."

Your hands become paralyzed first, you stop drinking soda and then your whole body is the one that is motionless, while you observe it with your lips between open, with your confused, attentive and nervous look at the same time.

You don't understand anything.

It's not like you told Helaena about it, in fact no one knows.

And it only makes you feel more nervous that Aemond is there, right next to you, acting completely normal about it, now that he already knows, continuing to observe you in the same way.

But you can't speak, you're still in shock, starting to feel like your pulse is racing too fast.

"She told me that you didn't tell her anything, that she just… knows," he says to you later, still in a soft tone, still making you panic.

You turn your gaze away from him, blink several times, starting to react from panic and nerves and hold your drink tightly.

"You should go."

It's all you say in a thread of voice, not daring to look him in the eye any more and you quickly get up from your bed, wanting to put as much distance as possible between the two of you.

You take Aemond by surprise, who stands up slightly, watching you worried, desperate and a little confused as you go to your door.

When his next words cause you to become paralyzed again, tensing up completely.

"I'm in love with you, too."

He says to you almost desperately, wanting to clarify as soon as possible, watching you attentively and cautiously, slowly getting out of bed to address you very carefully, not wanting to upset you more.

And he begins to explain to you with his soft tone, waiting for the moment so that he turns to you and can talk to you in the eyes, wanting you to see how very honest he is being with you.

"I don't know since when exactly, Y/N. It was probably before we graduated from high school," he lets you know, "That's why I asked you to live with me, because I certainly wouldn't have asked just anyone, and I-I… wanted to be close to you, almost all the time."

Your pulse continues to race, listening to his words carefully, feeling again the urge to cry, even without daring to look at him face to face.

"And all those dates, all those girls I went out with or flirted with at parties…" he sighs, "I told myself that I didn't get any further with them because it just hadn't worked out, when the truth is that I was fooling myself and it was me who didn't take them any further… because they weren't you."

He confesses to you and that's when you can't take it anymore and the first tears fall, starting to shake and with the realization starting to become clear to you as you hear it.

"And I wanted to repress my feelings for you with them, I wanted to fall in love with someone because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, Y/N," he tells you honestly, "And I know it sounds stupid and it's probably tired of hearing it already… but it's the truth. You don't know how much I was terrified of losing you, of losing our friendship because of feelings that weren't reciprocated… or that I thought weren't reciprocated."

Then slowly, Aemond, dares to raise his hand and gently touch your arm, turning you towards him very carefully and tactfully, needing to see you and needing you to see him.

And you let him.

Shaking, but you let him.

And his heart breaks the moment he sees you, with your sad, surprised face, your teary eyes and red cheeks, watching him as if he can't believe it.

"I wish I had known, Y/N," he says softly, watching you with all the love and gentleness in the world, "Because then Alys came, a girl with a personality I hadn't met before, pretending to be a good person and she made me distract myself from you by falling into her games."

You bite your lips, holding back the tears as much as you can, while he continues talking to you and explaining with all the sincerity in the world.

"And I know I was very selfish with all those girls and also with you when I saw you with that guy at that party, having a good time and having fun without me," he confesses with regret, "You don't know how upset I was and how terribly jealous I felt, Y/N. That was when I thought I had lost you for good and I hated myself not only for having ended our friendship, but also for never having confessed my feelings to you and realizing too late… what I lost for a person who wasn't worth it."

He lets out a long breath, biting the inside of his cheek and watching you with all the sincerity, love and affection as he says his next words.

"I love you, Y/N. I have always loved you. Just in the same way you love me…. or loved me," he corrects with a soft sad tone, "I was just too much of a coward to tell you and I didn't give you a chance to tell me either by going out and pretending with all those girls," he lowers his gaze, "I'm sorry."

Then, it's like you're living in a dream.

You don't know if it's real or not.

But you know it's real because of his touch on your arm and the closeness between the two of you, with him looking at you like that, being so terribly honest that it scares you.

It scares you because this is just what you wanted to hear.

This is everything you wanted to hear from him towards you, being just another one of your most pathetic and impossible dreams. But here you are. He has told you.

And that's exactly why you can't control it anymore and right there, in front of him, you lose it completely and the first sob escapes your lips, just as your tears are rushing down your cheeks.

You cover your face completely ashamed, crying, only you don't know if it's from happiness or sadness… or probably both.

But you know you cry because this is what you have been longing to hear for a very long time and you cry wondering why now, why now that things between you are no longer bad but not quite right either.

But mostly you cry because you feel confused.

Since you left King's Landing, one of your purposes was to leave him behind and forget, to undo those feelings for him. But you couldn't.

You still love him.

You love your best friend just the same way he loves you too, being something that was going on for a long time, simultaneously, but without both of you knowing it.

And you feel confused because you don't know if you should finally take this thing you've always wanted, you don't know because of everything that happened, even though he has already explained and apologized to you.

But you don't feel totally confident because he really hurt you so much.

And you don't know if what happened, will happen again and that's just what you don't want. You don't want him to hurt you again.

And Aemond, surprised by your behavior, yet he understands you and doesn't judge you.

That's why he wastes no time and pulls you into a gentle, firm and comforting embrace, letting himself be carried away by his feelings as well.

And you don't push him away. You let him hold you and lock you in his arms, just like you loved him to do when you lived together or saw each other during the day because his hugs have always comforted you and made you feel safe.

And that's also where you can let out your feelings.

He starts to comfort you too with soft words in your ear, stroking your hair with his hand, telling you that it's okay, that everything is fine, that this shouldn't change anything either, that you are the one who has the last word about the two of you.

As he continues to apologize for everything in soft murmurs, holding you tightly against him, not letting you go until you are well.

Until little by little, your sobs begin to decrease and you begin to calm down, sniffling your nose and still hugging him, taking all the time you need until your whole roller coaster of emotions stops.

Aemond doesn't let go, but does so slowly as you begin to stir, watching you intently and worriedly.

You bring your hands to your cheeks, wiping away your tears and sniffling your nose, to which he quickly runs his thumbs over your cheeks as well, still watching you with all that tenderness, that understanding and that affection.

"Are you all right, my pretty one? Do you need anything?"

You deny, again embarrassed, but at least feeling better and less emotional.

"N-no. I'm just… sorry, it wasn't m-my inte…

"Shh, no, it's okay," he interrupts you softly, "it's okay. This was my fault, I never meant to make you react like this. I should have been more careful with you."

"It wasn't that, Aemond," you confess, sniffling once more, "You took me by surprise, that's all. And I-I c-couldn't control myself, i-it was too much."

"Yes, I know, I know, pretty one. It's all right, everything's all right."

And again he pulls you into a soft, comforting embrace that you allow, now no longer feeling like those earlier hugs where before between the two of you there was the word friendship.

Now it's something more… something more intimate and more… honest.

And that's because both of you finally know each other's true feelings.

But still… after this, what you need is time. And that's exactly what you're asking for.

i couldn't tag many of you and I apologize if you asked me to tag you and I didn't, I could have missed your user but thank u so much for reading 😢❤

tag list:

@winxschester @namoreno @fan-goddess @lauftivy @bellameshipper @iloveallmyboys @barnes70stark @amazingnerd @yentroucnagol @helaenaluvr @almostpurplelady @lilitheal @targaryenmoony @dangerousstateofmind @summerposie

[celesthysaturn]

Note: Meme, rant, Headcanon Yandere, One shot Yandere

➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃

Even though my obsession with yanderes is just my favorite entertainment in my world of fanfics and ASMR so I can escape the reality where there is no one who loves me intensely and even fantasize my darkest desires without guilt, I'm feeling very stressed about life that I take. I barely sleep or even eat properly besides my precious coffee in the morning ☕ (I lost a lot of weight because of this, which is not normal).

So, deep in my heart, I wonder what it's like to have a yandere in real life who was so obsessed with me that I was his priority and treated my health and well-being as if it were the most precious thing he needed to take care of. .

So, if he sees my current situation, I think he would go crazy 🤭

Dude, I almost passed out at school because I hadn't eaten or slept in days, besides, I study during the day so and I'm still doing an internship, I'm definitely going to end up being admitted. I think he needs to come help me immediately

Do you also feel tired and needy? So here's a Yandere Headcanon for you 🫵

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Paternal/maternal and obsessive yanderes who are shocked when they discover that you are slowly killing yourself (or rather, have stopped taking care of yourself) and see that your mental and physical health is eroding because of the life you have decided to lead

Paternal/maternal and obsessive yanderes who see no other option and now they themselves will have to take care of you for you, and so, they finally decide to kidnap you.

Paternal/maternal and obsessive yanderes will make you completely dependent on them for your new life routine and even your basic needs. This means that they will bathe you themselves, dress you in comfortable and climate-appropriate clothes, cook and feed you in your mouth, make you take medicines and vitamins, take you punctually to medical appointments, blood tests and therapies (or perhaps they will do the exams themselves). Oh! Don't forget the main thing, lots of love and affection even if you refuse ♥️

Paternal/maternal and obsessive yanderes who will suffocate you with lots of affection, kisses and hugs, or at least, will try to demonstrate their great love for you in soft and attentive touches, looks and ears that are totally helpful to what you do and will talk to you every night how special you are to them, how precious you are

Paternal/maternal and obsessive yanderes that after 3 months of extreme care, he finally feels more comfortable letting you do your basic needs alone, but with their supervision, but you will still continue to live with him, you will only be able to leave for a while limited and will not allow you to do something that is not good for your health such as sleeping late, eating a lot of junk, accidentally hurting yourself, walking barefoot, otherwise he will go crazy once again and the whole childcare routine will start all over again

➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃ ➳❃

Everything is so peaceful, my body feels relaxed and fresh as if I had taken a delicious bath and received a massage right after. As I lie in a soft bed, on warm, clean duvets and pillows in a silent, soft environment that smells like chamomile (when was the last time I cleaned my room?), everything made me stay in the position I'm in for hours and with eyes closed to relax in this very pleasant moment, maybe I should even go back to sleep.

For a small moment, I seem to have finally escaped my daily problems and routine, as that infernal alarm clock hasn't gone off yet... wait, where am I?!!!!!!!!

I finally realized why everything is so good...

"Good morning, sweetie. How's my sweetie feeling?" The stranger appeared at the bedroom door, which had been open the entire time, and walked towards me subtly as if approaching a fragile and injured animal. Soon, he sat on the side of the bed I was on and placed one of his warm, wet hands on my forehead.

"Your body temperature is normal, your face looks healthier, and your dark circles are gone. It seems like you rested very well, I feel so relieved!" Giving a sigh of satisfaction, and then he placed a kiss on my forehead with that same hand gently grabbing my chin with his thumb on mine. He kept his loving, soft gaze on me.

"Where am I?" My question was automatic, I didn't know if I remained paralyzed or jumped out of bed to run towards the bedroom door that had been open the whole time, suspecting that he was watching me since I was still sleeping, or was already prepared to attack me. rock when I finally woke up.

It wouldn't do any good anyway, since he would have locked all exit access to the outside and would already be prepared for any attack or kidnapping outbreak.

"You are in my house, or rather in our sweet and cozy home that I have prepared for us for the rest of our lives from now on."

"H-What do you mean? What's this story?"

"It's for your own good, Sweetheart, I couldn't bear to see my baby having such a hard and unfair life on the outside..."

"You should't..."

"No, honey, it's YOU who shouldn't do this to me. I believed that you could be independent and take care of yourself while I finished all the plans for us to have the dream life when we could finally move away from this society and all the tiring life and stressful while I would take care of everything to support and protect our home and you would be my beautiful homely wife and totally spoiled by me." He paused, panting after his harsh speech, and slowly calming down. Now, his welcoming expression now seemed like a frightening and overbearing father/mother. "But after I saw you killing yourself to have a minimally comfortable life, I will have to take this position and you will live the life I prepared for you and me from now on."

So, he got up, walked out of the room and then, within a few seconds, came back with a bowl of soup, glass of water and pills all on a tray. I was too shocked to react.

"Your stomach must be empty after you slept so much and ingested all the sedative I gave you." Sitting once again on the bed, now, even closer as he places the tray carefully on his lap, his right hand taking my cheese again with his thumb on my cheek with a firmer grip and the other hand dipping the spoon into the vegetable soup and lifting it towards me. His loving and welcoming gazes were even more intense.

"Now, my Sweetheart, be obedient and open your mouth ♥️"

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Note: Don’t forget to drink lots of water and get plenty of rest 😉

[narashite]

Hi! My name's Amelia and I'm a trans woman living in Chile. I started my HRT last year with the help of some close friends, but as time goes by, having to pay for my hormones, visits to an endocrinologist and blood tests has been getting considerably harder as I'm currently finishing my college degree working on my internship and final thesis, so I don't really have the time -yet- to start working a full time job to get the money I need.

My family hasn't been supportive to me being trans and aren't willing to help me, this has been the subject of multiple fights as they didn't want me to start HRT to begin with, which I've still done, but against their will and in secrecy, which has been hard considering I'm still living with them.

Because of everything stated before, I'm in need of financial help. I know I'm not a huge account and that I'm asking for a lot to strangers on the internet, but if you are kind enough to have read everything and you want to help me, you can do so donating to my paypal: paypal.me/grimoirenoire

Everything helps !! Even reblogging and sharing the info is enough help, thanks so much for reading this !!!

[incesthemes]

tag game!

thank you for the tag, @according2thelore 🥰

Do you make your bed? i basically live in my bed, so no. i want it cozy and making it makes it un-cozy.

What's your favorite number? 3! or rather, repeating 3s. my mom and i look for repeating 3s out in the wild ever since she heard about some kinda christian number thing relating to angels (idk i don't go there), and it's become a whole Thing. i like that we can share it :)

What is your job? i do translations...! spanish and japanese, mostly. i translated a video game last year too which i'm very proud of!

If you could go back to school, would you? yeah tbh. i hated school for disability reasons, but i really enjoy sitting in lectures and learning things. structured learning is great and super easy so i'd love to return. i'd be the kind of person who would get like 20 masters degrees if college were free.

Can you parallel park? noooo..... i never got that far lmao. i don't have a license and i would like it to stay that way for as long as i can get away with it. peace and love ✨

A job you had that would surprise people? i did an internship with the linguistics department while i was an undergrad where i helped do some menial work for a larger research project the school was conducting? i sucked at it though, lol

Do you think aliens are real? statistically speaking there's basically no way there's NO other life in the universe, so yes i do. i'm even fairly confident there has to be intelligent life outside of humans somewhere out there. i do not have any belief in any kind of alien life form having made contact with earth, though.

Can you drive a manual car? yes, actually. which is apparently shocking to people, considering i don't even have a license lmao

What's your guilty pleasure? i have an addiction to solitaire? i downloaded the app about a year ago but i am on level 329. ok girl get a grip

Tattoos? none yet, but i've had my first tattoo figured out since i was in high school. i just don't want to deal with the cost and care of it (lazy + poor...)

Favorite color? a very warm, light pink! almost peach-colored.

Favorite type of music? folk music :) and by folk i mean like. literally the songs people sang around a campfire 300 years ago. like dúlamán and the irish rover and rolling the woodpile and whatnot. but i also really like more modern folk music (big fan of umm santiano, plumbo, celtic woman, the builders and the butchers, mumford & sons, poor man's poison, the longest johns, stuff like that...) and country music. basically a bunch of genres along that sort of continuum.

Do you like puzzles? puzzles like jigsaw puzzles? i hate them, but once i start doing them i can't stop. logic puzzles or whatever are totally my jam, though. seriously i love them so much. i'm not interested in more hands-on puzzles like blocks and stuff.

Any phobias? nnnnno. i was scared of the ocean (specifically and exclusively trenches inside the ocean) growing up but then i got over that, and i've been working on getting over my fear of bugs so they're not super scary anymore either. i also used to suffer from trypophobia but it really hasn't been much of a problem in recent years. idk what happened there, though.

Favorite childhood sport? olympic-level sleeping? idk i tried a lot of sports at my mother's request when i was a kid, but i didn't like any of them. now i enjoy ice skating, but i live in the deep south where it's 80F nine months out of the year so like. lmfao

Do you talk to yourself? YES it's a generational thing. everyone on my mom's side of the family does it so i just picked it up naturally. i make myself laugh constantly ✨

What movies do you adore? my letterboxd Top Four are: the witch (2015), death becomes her (1992), the phantom of the opera (2004), and showgirls (1995) so it's kind of all over the place. i like movies with either very strong, well written stories or campy dumpster fires—NO in-between. the more artistic a movie is, the more likely i am to enjoy it. some other movies that really stand out to me

la sociedad de la nieve (2023)

late night with the devil (2023)

midsommar (2019)

the love witch (2016)

creep (2014)

mamma mia! (2008)

master and commander (2003)

zoolander (2001)

o brother, where art thou? (2000)

ravenous (1999)

romeo + juliet (1996)

the mountain men (1980)

the devils (1971)

beyond the valley of the dolls (1970)

so you can make of that what you will.

Coffee or tea? i don't actually like either unless you count southern sweet tea? i like chick-fil-a and mcdonald's sweet tea... but i drink almost exclusively water. if i'm feeling fancy, i like lemonade or like... craft root beer specifically. or sarsaparilla?

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? an architect is the earliest i can remember back to, but i switched my passion project every couple of months and never really settled on anything.

i'm really bad at tagging, but let's go with ummmm... @schizosamwincester, @sam-winchesters-gay-lover, and @aceing-on-the-cake! no pressure though haha

[studyblrspace]

| 29 august 2023 |

10/100 days of productivity

I went to the library to get some work done and look at the reconnection part of the simulation. my internship hasn't started yet so most of this is just me trying to prep myself 😭 also I got a new library card! I figure I should have one even if I'm only here for a semester or two

[lilolilyr]

I have an idea for an Andromaquynh modern AU fanfic

In it, Quynh moves back home to her parents after getting a degree at university she isn't really sure she can or wants to use. She used to think that she's a city girl despising the suburbs she grew up in, but now she thinks she was wrong about that or maybe her preferences changed, she doesn't much like the cities she studied in anymore, first she thinks it's because she studied abroad (in the countries of her ancestors) and could never quite connect to the culture there, but visiting a friend in a city in her home country shows her it isn't just that, she just prefers a quieter environment

In the meantime, her parents have moved to a different part of town and it doesn't really feel like coming home at all. Quynh still struggles with her place in life, she doesn't want to hang around on her parents' couch doing nothing forever but she doesn't know what else to do either and the thought of a regular 9-5 job in an office terrifies her, she has done enough internships in that kind of environment to know she can't stand it for long

Quynh starts taking long walks through the countryside, for her health because she hasn't really found any sports/active hobbies in the area yet (that's an aspect she really liked about the cities, there's always something interesting going on, she used to dance and try out things like shooting with bow&arrow and axe throwing), and to have quiet time to think away from her family. That way she gets to know the area quite well - she actually already knows it a bit because she really didn't live far away as a kid, but she never really walked through the fields on this side of the suburbs before

On her walks she sometimes comes across equestrians, and one time a horse throws off its rider and she ends up catching the animal, which doesn't seem to mind people in general just people trying to climb and sit on it - it won't stay the last time she comes across that particular animal, and she thinks she understands the horse quite well what with not wanting to do jobs they don't like just to be allowed to live comfortably.

Andy's the owner of the horse riding school, and when a girl falls off her horse (probably the one that doesn't much like its riders, Quynh calls it Big Guy lovingly not knowing what it's actually called) and needs medical attention, Quynh ends up taking the horse back to the stables and meets Andy there.

There's a bit of an age-gap between them and even once they meet and fall in love Andy is reluctant to commit to Quynh out of fear of tying Quynh to a life she might not really want, meanwhile Quynh is finally figuring out her place in life and she wants to stay with Andy.

I'll probably never write the full fanfic, I just don't have the time and motivation for it. If anyone's interested in getting the draft and adopting it, I'd love to hand it over for you to write it!

Post is okay to reblog :)

The draft I have is pretty much in bullet points atm, but I'd even go over it and clean it up a bit if someone's really interested in adopting the fic, and I'd be open to either chatting about it and giving more input, or you taking it and doing your own thing with it!

I don't have the time to write a longfic atm and I feel like what with the plot I'm thinking of, it really needs to be 10 or even 20k minimum to start doing it justice... That being said if sb wants to try writing a shorter version or is inspired by it to write anything similar, absolutely feel free! Just pls lmk once it's done so I can read it :D

I also already wrote a college AU horse girl!Andy longfic before, and while that one was happier and this one would probably have quite some angsty vibes before reaching its happy ending, it still kind of feels like I've done this before, also reducing my motivation for it even more :( which is a pity really because I do really like the idea.

If you want to take on the story reply to this or send me an ask/dm and we can figure out how to do this, discord/email/docs or whatever :)

My tog tag list - I know it's been ages, if anyone wants off this list or if someone new wants on it, please let me know! -: @bobeau-beaubo @lesbianlotties (daniwouldnever) @ongreenergrasses @eyeh0rr0r @cantteachanoldguardnewquotes @badwolfkaily @andramaquynhs @depresbianintheclassicalsense @andy-the-scythian @cryhardanddanceharder @my-gaydar-is-on-point @spookyvoidangelskeleton @bookerandy @jackwolfskid @cinnamonplums @cruzwalters @kayivy @blacks-phoenix @binariesarebullshit @tea-lizzard @prevalent-masters @aftermillennia @youssefguedira (pierremichelofavignon) @salzundhonig @moonlightbuckley @genyathefirebird (rupzydaisy) @nickydestati @after-a-millennium @spacewitchqueen @damnbert @not-so-good-omen (innocent-gayngel) @rhubarbdreams-blog @bedalk

[arkhammaid]

remember when i said more fics after finals? expect more fics in june, my internship hasn't even started yet and i'm already working overtime 😭 i haven't slept more than 5hrs since monday...

[gildedmuse]

[Top credit to @jhaernyl. Who knows of I would even write without her. She is one of the singule kindest, kniwst individuals I know. And I love her for both]

So, we have a problem..

A lot of time I see cute art and I can't HELP being inspired and want to write fic about it, or at least a ficlet. It's kind of a lot of my writing these days, it's helping me get back in the habit. But you can't just post art without proper credit!

(Speaking of which @jhaernyl for writing inspo.)

So what I'm do is post a link to a random site. And if it HAPPENS to remind you of the story I guess that's that.

Exactly like this.

[Gonna credit Sam Elias, if that's wrong please let me know. I'd hate to wrongly credit this random and unrelated art]

Idea:

College Law after his high school boyfriend moves in with him

Law: *20 year old starting his med degree working full time and trying to get an internship all at the same time*

Zoro: *15 and shows up at Law's door with one bag and three swords* Torao! *Throws himself into Law's arms*

Official Boyfriend

Law: Z-Zoro-ya? What are you doing here? *Glancing at his calendar. It's not Northerntide yet is it? He's been studying but he hasn't been THAT out of it*

Zoro: *Snickers* That's still a month off, idiot.

Zoro: *walks in to Law's apartment, perfectly comfortable* I just wanted to come and see you. Wow, your place is a mess.

Law: O-oh. *Blushing, moving to quick to stuff a.... Err.... Medical work out magazine under a pillow. Shambling some books onto his bed, tossing his jacket over the mess on his chair* I guess I haven't had many guest lately. Oh! *Looks down, surprised to suddenly have Zoro smiling up right next to him*

Zoro: Well now you have one. You're welcome!

Law: *Gives in, finally smiling softly down at Zoro* Yeah, I do. *Kissing the tip of his nose* My favorite guest, In fact.

Zoro: *snorts, punching Law's arm, but gently* You just told me I was your ONLY guest, flirt.

Law: *chuckle* But still my favorite.

Zoro: *standing there, up on his toes, staring up at Law all expectedly*

Law: *ruffles his hair* Right. Let me get you a warm drink.

Not what Zoro wanted, but he'll take it.

—🧡—

Technically, Zoro and Law have been "dating" since Zoro was 12/13 and Law was 17/18. Law wouldn't say it was dating. He would say he was acting as Zoro's uchidachi while also helping to tutor the boy so he'd be ready for his Third Level Exams - that's for students moving from Second Levels (11-14 year olds) into their third and final level of basic education (15-18) - but seeing as they were both orphans and both lived at the dojo (the North doesn't have "orphanages" as such. Its far more effective to send kids into some sort of school. Not for general education but for something like a vocation or else a specialty like a Dojo or a Theater or a Companion House) and since Law was both his uchidachi and his tutor and one of the oldest kids at the dojo, they ended up spending so much time together that Zoro decided it was dating.

When Law turned 18 he had to move out of the dojo, even though he was still finishing his final year of third level (the last two years are only for higher level students who are likely to go into universities. Law had earned a scholarship to the North Blue Marine Academy, so he was staying all three years, but the dojo only has so many rooms, and at 18, regardless of the situation, you had to go.) Law "rented" a room with his mentor, the one at the Academy who had recruited Law and even secured him a spot in the competitive medical school - under the stipulation that Law maintains his grades of course - so he was able to focus on his school.

However, he felt he needed at least a part time job. And while Law MAY have been the occasional problem back at the dojo, the Sensei did like to hold him up as an example to the other students as what they could achieve if they put their nose to the grindstone and followed all the rules.

Also, Donquixote Rosinate was a big donor and Law's mentor and no one wanted to upset Rosinate-san. So they hired him on part time as a assistant to the sensei which, at least the students liked him

But Zoro liked him MORE and so he was sure to establish that he was still Law's shadachi which Law ensured him that, yes, while he might be the assistant sensei for the whole class, he was only Zoro-ya's uchidachi which Zoro was very, very happy to hear.

So then, just to make sure, he checked that he was still Torao's only boyfriend.

That was.... More complicated.

"Why? Because you sometimes see other people? I don't care, so long as I'm your only OFFICIAL BOYFRIEND."

"Zoro-ya, you can't be my official boyfriend. You can't be my boyfriend at all. You're only 12!"

"Well, yeah, but I'll be 13 in less than a month! All the other 13 year olds have boyfriends or girlfriends."

"But not ones who are 18."

"That's not true. Baby's is 37!"

Law has nearly choked. He also made sure to tell one of the Sensei immediately, and was politely told to mind his own business.

Zoro remained very persistent. "Please. We don't have to DO anything. I just want to have you as my boyfriend."

And Law did notice all the other 13 year olds had dates. Zoro was from the east, he got brought up here by *accident*. And he really didn't seem to want to do anything other than talk about kendo and hang out with Law and maybe sometimes fall asleep on his shoulder, but those are all things he'd done before. So when he was 13, Law finally gave in and said, okay, they could be "official" boyfriends, but he couldn't tell any of yhe kids at the dojo. It would make it seem like Law was playing favorites and dating students is wrong, anyway, he explained.

Zoro had gone all pink and punched the air. "Yes! Torao, I'll be the BEST official boyfriend ever, I promise!"

And maybe it's just that Law had only ever had the two "official" boyfriend and one girlfriend ever and none of them had been that great at just, like, being *people* never mind dates, but honestly, Zoro-ya probably was the best. At least in Law's experience.

He didn't talk about it, not at the dojo but at also at school, at least as far as Law could tell. He never asked for anything or expected Law to do anything for him. He didn't mind when sometimes kids would tease Law because somehow they always seemed to know when he'd been with someone, because as far as Zoro was concerned it was like how Law was everyone's assistant but only HIS uchidachi. That's what made him official.

He didn't constantly follow Law around or want to talk to him all the time; well, no more than he had before. He never cried or pouted because Law wasn't giving him enough attention or started a fight just because he fault like being angry.

Well, he started fights, just not with Law, and they were all physical anyway so that was fine.

No, he was pretty much the same kid he'd always been expect that sometimes he'd scoot just a bit closer to Laa, and occasionally he'd sneak giving him this look, but that was fine. Oh, and for couple's day he'd gone and got Law a gift.

Of course, he didn't have any money, but he knew Law was busy with school and his job and his Academy Entranve Exams AND being his Official Boyfriend, so Zoro had snuck out and borrowed Kikoku - Law's Nodachi and one of his few possessions left from his parents - And he took his best oil and traded away part of his super for the best rice paper he could and he even managed to find his way to where Law was staying (that's had been the plan, at least..... In the end, he wound up at the Marine station, but that worked out all the same) and he spoke with Law's Corazon and explained what he needed. Law said if there was every anything that Zoro really, really needed or any kind of an emergency, he should go to Corazon. Zoro knew this wasn't an emergency, but he did think it was really, really important so he put together his best clothes and brushed his hair and practiced all his formal language just to ask this one favor.

It turns out, Corazon was really cool and so impressed with Zoro's presentation that not only did he agree, he took him down to the store himself and he let Zoro pick out the Sageo he thought Law would like best (within reason).

Zoro had selected a bright red one because that way it was like blood and Torao was going to be a doctor, so he'd probably be around a lot of blood and this was if any was on his hands it wouldn't show. Plus it looked really cool. Way more scary and also fancy than the worn out, threadbare and dirty white one that Law was using.

Corazon let him come back to the house so he could work while Law was at class (he forgot to ask why Zoro wasn't at class himself, he was so delighted to have this adorable and determined child who wanted to make a gift for his uchidachi. He didn't even bother to tell him that wasn't how Couple's Day works up North. He just made Zoro some snacks, said he had to go back to work but he could call if anything happened and help himself to anything in the kitchen and let the boy work.

When Law came home after his study group he found Zoro curled up on the floor next to the couch, Corazon's marine coat draped over him like a blanket. On the table was a note where Corazon explained all about Zoro coming down to the marine office and asking Corazon if he would help him buy a gift for Law and how he'd come back and spent all day working on polishing Kikoku and then rewrapping the saya with the hanging cord which according to Corazon he'd only needed two tries to do which seemed very impressive for such a young boy. He'd also run in the second he'd heard Corazon scream with his own katana drawn, ready to attack, and once he saw it was just Corazon on fire from the stove he helped him put both out.

Corazon had wanted to offer him dinner, but by the time he'd come in the boy had be sprawled out on the floor snoring. The note finished that he's had to leave - no reason which Law has figured out means it's secret marine business - but dinner was in the fridge. Be sure his young friend gets home safe and oh you may want to change his bandages before he goes.

That part was confusing to say the least, so Law goes and he gently prods Zoro awake. The boy yawns and sits up, holding out Kikoku for Law's approval.

The sword was beautiful. He also noticed Zoro's littke hands covered in bandages. Kikoku was a cursed blade and Zoro-ya is stranger, it makes sense it would take blood. But he had just wrapped up his fingers and kept working. It had been one of the nicest thing anyone's ever done for Law.

Law, of course, had no idea he'd planned to make such a sweet gesture and so had nothing to give him in exchange. Thinking quickly he told Zoro-ya to close his eyes before dashing to his room. He grabs an old hoodie he's made with his tag on it.

It was nothing compared to the thoughtfulness behind Zoro-ya's gift, but before Law can regret it, the boy's squealed that he loved it and throw it on over his school uniform.

On the way taking Zoro's back to the dojo, the stop and get some fries dumplings and the woman behind the counter's comment on how cute they are with Zoro in his boyfriend shirt makes Zoro beam. Law smiles and says, "yeah, he's the Official Boyfriend," in a way he hopes she'll know is joke and Zoro turns pink and burrows into his jacket. The old woman laughs and apologizes for being out of couple specials and instead "sneaks" them two extra dumplings and gives them what it left of her white rice which is easily three helpings worth. After the split the dumplings he lets Zoro have the rice to himself which he gulps down without seeming to need to breathe. He is quite the picture with his puff out cheeks, splitting rice as he says thank you.

"You know next year, when I'm not around, if anything where to happen you could still go to Cora-san, yeah?"

"Oh...." And the kid manages to swallow the whole ball of rice in his mouth at once. "Yeah but, you'll still come and visit, right? For holidays and stuff."

"It would be expensive," Law pointed out. "And I'll be very busy."

Zoro gives a small sound of unstanding and nods his agreeal. The kid is just looking down at the mostly empty dumpling box, picking through what little rice is left. Law feels like he's broken up with someone. On Couple's Day.

"But...." He says, eyes falling on a vendor who is just about to close up. He takes out his wallet. It's a little light, but then it always is. "Here," he says, reaching down for Zoro's hand and pulling him towards that side of the street. "One last Couple's Day gift. Excuse me, sir?"

"Yes?"

"It says 2 for 200 Berris."

"Yes, it's our Couple's Day Special."

"Is that for any of them or..."

"That's the cheapest models. We have much better for 1200, and for just 3000 we can do two E Mushis, but the air time is sold separately. "

"Can the cheap ones reach from here to the Marine Academy over on Stanton Island? "

" All the way to Stanton? No. Not yet, they're too young." Law notes the inside of his cheek, making a disappointed noise. He should have checked before dragging Zoro-ya over here.

The vendor looks between the two before sighing. He's seen enough broken hearted couples for one day. "I have some that are about two years old. The reception might be spotty but it will get better given a year or so. I can do them for 300."

"Yeah?" 300 isn't that bad, and he can use it for other things like staying in touch with Cora-san and his friends. "May we see them?"

The man nods before reaching down and pulling out a small aquarium. It has barely enough room for each creature to move, with a line of plastic down the middle so the cages can either been broken into two or turned into one slightly larger aquarium.

Inside are two medium size snails. One of them happily chomping at the foliage. The other looks like it had been sleeping but clicks into a more official On state when it's picked up, remaining fully still.

The man puts them on the counter in front of Zoro's who looks at them with a curious tilt of his head.

Law fingers what little cash he has on him. He feels for such a purchase he should at least ask some questions. "You said they're 2 years old?"

"Yeah. It'll still be about 3 years before they're full grown, another 2 before they're Grand Line Capable. These models have a good 20 years on them, though."

"Do they have any additional capabilities?"

"These models? No, they're only bred to be basic communicators. But if all you're doing is talking, they can handle that. Like I said, they're range will get bigger given a few years."

"Any health problems? Care instructions?"

"This breed is pretty hearty. They're the North Blue Heartland Subspecies, known for good health and strong signal bred with an Eastern Beach Subspecies for the longevity and obedience. They're often referred to as SandHearts. Pretty common bred, resistant to most diseases though Shell Spots can sometimes appear in old age. We sell Snail Pellets but actually, with these guys, you can charge them up with just about any kind of vegetation, even just a handful of grass. Shouldn't let him give them too many processed foods though," the man adds, nodding towards the cage.

Law looks back to see Zoro dropping a small piece of left over dumpling skin in to the green one, who immediately dives for it. The yellow one remains 'On', it's eyes stalks only following the food for a second. "Zoro-ya, are you listening? "

"Hmm? Mmm." The young boy gives him a nod. Law raises his eyebrows, giving the chopsticks a pointed look.

Biting his inner cheek with just a bit of a pout, Zoro puts down his chopsticks. "Sorry about that," Law says, turning back to the vendor who only shrugs.

"It won't hurt em too much in small doses, just gives them a lot of energy to burn. Plus, can reduce their years of usage eventually. So what will it be? I have a couple of 560 Berri pairs that are further along if you'd like. "

Law winces at the price. "These will do. Thank you so much. "

As they walk off, Law sighs, stuffing his now mostly empty wallet into jean's pocket. "There," he says, smiling down at Zoro even if the smile is a bit strained. "Now will be able to speak with one another, even with me a while two islands away. You can call me with questions about kendo or homework."

Zoro looks at the two creatures in his hand. Cautiously, he taps at the glass before breaking into a smile for Law. "I want the green one."

Law returns the smile, nodding. "Okay, that one's yours." They break apart the box. Law sets his in his jacket pocket while Zoro continues to carry his inside the box with the little bits of rice. Law hopes he's not planning to feed it to the creature when he gets home. Law JUST bought them....

"If I got a job and saved up, then could I come and visit you?"

"I don't see why not. You'd have to work extra hard though, to stay on top of your grades and kendo. "

"You don't have to worry about that! I'm still the top kendo competitor in my year."

"Yeah, but not the top student," Law reminds him. But Zoro just keeps staring and finally Law relents with a sigh. "We'll talk about it later. The Dojo is the next left."

"Hmm? Oh the streets look different in the dark."

"Sure they do." Law takes the paper box, almost completely devoid of food by now, and tossss it away in the trash. So Zore won't be tempted. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay."

"Okay." Then Zoro stands there, staring at him.

Law states back. The Dojo is literally less than two hundred feet, but he still wants to watch to make sure Zoro gets back okay. They stand like that for a minute before Zoro's eyes slide to the left.

"Hmm?" Law looks over to spot a young couple standing under the light of a street lamp. The girl has about a dozen Frost Roses in her hands which couldnt have been cheap. The two are kissing and when the girl pulls back the boy tried to follow despite her giggled protest that her parents will worry.

Law looks back at Zoro, who is still staring up at him. With a low sign, Law leans down kissing the tip of Zoro's nose.

That's apparently good enough since the boy breaks out into a smile. "Night!" He calls out, almost tripping over himself as as he heads back to the dojo.

—🧡—

Now he's trying to find something non alcoholic in his fridge he can give to Zoro. A Zoro who is suddenly here. Law known he had gotten a job and had been talking about visiting but only a few days. For the holidays. And it had only been talk.

"What about school? Vacation hasn't started yet, has it?"

"Oh, yeah. I stopped going?"

"Wh-ouch!" Law jumps back at the top of his head heads the ceiling of the fridge. "What do you mean you stopped going?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, it turns out that I don't actually NEED the last tao years for Kendo, you know? "

"Kendo?" Law's jaw drops. He couldn't be serious. "Zoro-ya you can't just DO kendo!"

"Sure I can. I'm already really good at it! Plenty of people do. Oh, and I'm old enough to join the Marines!"

"Join the Marines? Zoro-ya you are NOT joining the Marines!"

"Why not?" Zoro gives him a look. "You are."

Law waves his head through the air. That's totally different. He going to the Marine Academy as a medical doctor, and even if he stayed he'd be a well paid officer. He's not joining as the rank and file!

"What did the Sensei have to say about this!?" Law asks. They couldn't just allow this. They must have strings they could pull to get him back in school!

"Oh..." Zoro gives a mad sort of sigh, looking around the room. "They kicked me out as well."

"You got kicked out of the dojo!?"

"They said there wasn't any room for someone who was just a waste of space and they need the spot for kids that would actually be worth it," Zoro grumbles, refusing to look at Law. Refusing to admit the failure.

Just like that, Law's rising panic, his fury, it all disappears. Well, maybe not disappears but certainly lessens and redirects. They told him he wasn't good enough to keep around? Really?

But he's still practically just a kid? How could they...

"But...." Zoro gives him a small, hopeful look. "I thought, I could stay here right. I mean, I can get a job and help out wi-"

"Yeah." With a sigh, Law runs a hand through his hair. He doesn't need Zoro to finish. "Yeah, you can stay."

[codemonki]

It has come to my attention that people actually like hearing about other peoples oc's occasionally. So im gonna be posting some images of my ocs and telling you about it! (its gonna be character specific for each one gonna do my Ace Attorney OCs, Idk about the others yet)

Starting off! Fahlin Starr, defense attorney in japanifornia.

^ her reference image.

(theres a lot under this so if you're interested lmao)

I used Joan of arc as an inspiration for how she looks, but she is a modern day knight within the courts. She attempts to take on all the damage against the defendant and reflect that evidence against the prosecution.

Here are her sprites!

She doesn't have many friends. She trusts to easily, and because of that she's shielded herself away from most people, only really giving time to her defendants (though she knows they could spurn her too, she has to take the risk). In short, she likes to protect her peace. There is one person however who's managed to get through her cold exterior! and its her long time private investigator companion, Bast Guess.

The companies of which they hailed from were close (and their mentors, closer) so they spent a lot of time working together. Fahlin swears she only requests Bast's help because it would be inconvenient to vet out a different PI, Bast knows however its because Fahlin actually things theyre friends.

Fahlin tries her best to be controlled by facts and distance herself from her emotions, but she usually fails. Though her face doesnt usually portray that fact. Shes plagued (ish) by resting bitch face.

she keeps herself organized, and doesn't stray away from networking with other attorneys. Its part of her duty to spread the word of her agency. She's also married to her work.

despite being very organized she also doesnt use calenders or daily schedules. Sometimes post-it notes but very rarely. This drives Bast mad.

I like to think that her pride can take a few dings, before she crumbles (shield motif <33)

Fun Fact!: She's a lesbian but she refuses to accept that she doesn't like men (she doesn't care if you're gay, but she cant be). She's got compulsive heteronormity up the wazoo. She had a situationship with a women named Anita Rhinum in Highschool and just... hasn't acknowledged the fact that she looks for her in every man she dates.

Her mentor was a veteran Attorney, set to retire soon named Leah Mason. She had already mentored many rookies, but Fahlin would be her last one and the only one to have stayed in the Japanifornia jurisdiction. Mason Law Agency would get renamed to Starr Law Agency, where Fahlin resides on the first floor, and the upper became home to Bast Guess's private investigation agency. (it has a name I'll remember it when I get to her).

Starr Law Agency Wait Room ^

Fahlin's Office^

Leah Mason and her husband Finn D. Clau (retired attorney and retired private detective)

Leah Mason was an almost motherly figure for Fahlin, they met when Fahlin was in college and needed an internship, so at age 19 she was taken under her wing.

This would be the first time Fahlin felt how a mother should treat their kid (even if it wasn't for long, and wasn't the same). When Leah retired she left to go travel the world, but made sure Fahlin had her number in case she ever needed help.

here is were the fun family drama begins. :))

Fahlin has her father, Basile Starr, her mother Reine Starr, and her older sister (by 1 year) Jess Starr.

Basile Starr was a very busy man who didn't have a lot of time for his kids, though if he found time he was a very kind man who did really love them. Reine Starr on the other hand had very high expectations, and made it clear that if her children wanted her time, they had to prove to her that they were worth it.

(its also important to note that by the time the kids turned 5, the marriage was becoming very loveless and Reine had begun seeing other men)

Fahlin did everything she could to make her mother proud, she worked to excel in everything she could and put effort into doing the things that she liked. Jess on the other hand, tried, failed, and decided she didnt want to appease their mother. Fahlin likes feeling as though she *earned* something, so she'd keep trying.

Growing up Fahlin did fencing and ballet with her sister, she wasnt graceful enough for dance but she did have the skill for fencing.

*this is NOT blood

Jess and Fahlin were very close when they were younger. Though they were one grade apart in school, they shared many of the same friends and hobbies.

they were each others best friend.

But things started to change when they got older, they drifted apart (Fahlin not keeping friends as easily). It all came to a head when their mother was accused of murder, and Jess was called to testify agaisnt her.

This testimony permanently severed their friendship, as Fahlin couldn't believe that their mother could kill someone. She convinced herself that Jess hated their mom so much that she would lie.

Once Fahlin turned 18 she moved out of her home in France and went to college in Japanifornia. She nothing back home worth staying for anyways.

When she met Anita in college, Anita showed her around town and introduced her to a lot of what Japanifornia had to offer. They met in an elective class then began hanging out outside of it.

I haven't draw doodles of them yet (bc Anita's a newer character)

last fun image <3

[di-girls-dem-sugar]

Going to be keeping it absolutely real on here as I always do when things get bad. I'm starting to think that it might not get better after all I can't lie. I'm just so sad and angry and mad and lonely all the time. I moved away from home two years ago and I can't hold on to any stable relationships and I'm basically all alone here and I feel like such an idiot for complaining about it because it's nobody's fault that I don't go anywhere and I am bad at talking to people or holding on to relationships. it's completely my fault and I know it's up to me to change it but I've never been good at making friends and that hasn't changed just because I'm not 16 or 11 or 5 years old anymore and I'm still not quite sure how to go about it.

It's been 2 years and Canada doesn't feel like a foreign place anymore .I know my way around and I know how to get stuff done and it has already set in that this is my life now and I guess this just means that my life now is just me by myself with everyone I know and love 1800 miles away.

And even then half the time it still feels like I don't have anyone because my sister hardly answers her phone and my other sister and I have literally only known each other for a month and I don't even know her middle name yet and my mom has got a new job and doesn't have time to call me like she used to and so I don't even feel like I have my mommy anymore and my best friend is already dealing with so much and I wish I could turn back time and bring her loved one back to life but I cant and I feel so empty thinking about how she must feel and I'm not comfortable with anybody else so other than those people.

I'm a year away from graduating with a degree in a field that I hate and I can't find any internships or working experience because everything is so experience based and I am so bad at all this stuff and my grades are so mediocre and I don't have anything that makes me stand out and at this point I'm worried that I won't even be good enough for grad school. When I find a part of this wretched degree that I actually like I cannot seem to do well in it despite the fact that I actually care enough to study and do work in it and it's just so demotivating. And even if I do somehow manage to get a job I'm never going to be able to afford a house and I want to have a house so bad I don't like renting I want to have a backyard and I want my own kitchen and I want to decorate my house the way I feel like when I feel like it but everything is so expensive and I hate my shitty customer service job because I hate talking to people and I don't want to stand for 6 hours and fake smile and listen to the same songs play over and over again for 6 hours anymore but I can't leave my job because no one else is hiring me.

And I have to keep pretending like everything is okay when every time I turn on my phone and go out to social media I see something else indicating that we are witnessing the decline of man as we know it and there's kids dying in so many places all over the world and people getting their homes destroyed and no matter how much I try and raise awareness and no matter how much money I give and how much I talk about it there's really nothing changing and I go outside and somebody asks me for spare change to buy a coffee so they don't freeze in the below zero weather and I wish I could put them in a house but I don't even have a house of my own. And I used to be able to look around and find even the beauty in the smallest things and to not think the worst of people and to give everyone the benefit of the doubt for the most part but now I can't help but wonder if this person thinks genocide and exploitation and mindless killing and destruction is a good thing. And I hardly see anybody talking about Sudan or Congo or Senegal or Haiti or Madagascar and it feels like african people are just always doomed to be pushed to the back burner even by black people in the diaspora and I try to be positive because if the people in those countries haven't given up hope why should I but sometimes I just get so sad.

And despite going to therapy and going on meds I still look in the mirror and hate myself and I remember that my problems are so paltry and poor compared to what's going on in the rest of the world and that I feel worse because it doesn't make me hate how I look or who I am less and the world just won't stop turning and we never get a break we just have to keep going until we die no matter how bad things get and it's not fair and I'm so tired I just need it all to stop for a second. Looking at my life feels like reading the bell jar knowing that sylvia plath wrote a book about a depressed woman and ended up killing herself. I feel doomed

[terpernoctem]

well hi there

i think it's high time we bring the personal posts back, what do you think? yeah let's do this

not really sure how—

happy new year, i guess, for a start!

2024. *insert paul rudd gif* (you know the one) (i could do it, really) (insert it, i mean) (after all, this is the internet) (but i don't want to) (so just picture it in your mind's eye and pretend you can do telepathy) (perhaps you can) (thrilling, innit?)

anywayssss

it's the fucking year 2024, you guys. who can believe this. how??????

i don't know about you but i never even thought of 2024 before.

more than that—it's like, i never thought of myself growing past the age of, let's say 22.

i remember being a kid, like in high school, vaguely trying to shape out the contours of the person i wanted to be. i remember applying for law degrees. but it was so unserious—i don't even think i ever gave it serious thought. they said pick something to do and i was, and honestly still am, shit at science (which was, the big thing back then) and too lazy to think of anything else. in retrospect, maybe i would have liked that. law, i mean. maybe it would have given me some kind of purpose.

maybe my nervous break down would have happened two years earlier.

in senior year, i was briefly crushing on a guy who wanted to be a vet (at least that's what i imagined it was what he wanted to be—it's not like we ever talked about it so maybe i made it up completely). i visited paris that summer right before senior year (i was traveling alone with my mum for the first time) and i remember thinking like "oh yes, i will definitely come and live here, i guess" (and do what? watch that dude become a vet? bet.) and i could picture it, for like 5 seconds, but it was like watching something from above. i wasn't actually picturing myself living this life. it's like, i was a character in a movie.

meanwhile i didn't have the faintest idea what i would be doing with my life.

and i still don't! yayy

i kid you not

more than an entire decade went by and i still have got no clue what i want to be. worse: i honestly believe that i'm useless at most things.

last night i got a rejection email for a ny internship i applied to 3 months ago. it's not that i was surprised, but still. i think i still have these delusions that my life hasn't quite started, and that there's this great big thing that's going to come up and change everything for the better.

in a way, i think the reason why i took the last job i had is somewhere along these lines. such big hopes.

and all for what?

i'm writing these lines on my parents' couch. since november, i'm back in my teenage bedroom—the one where i brought the only boy i've ever loved all these years ago. it looks nothing like it did back then and yet, it's full of ghosts, no matter how thoroughly i cleanse it. everything in this town, everything on this island haunts me. my old life in europe feels like a distant dream.

pros: free food. not constantly worrying about my aging parents. cons: i'm never alone. but it's strangely okay. (i guess a decade of acute loneliness would do that.)

and yes, haunting aside, where else would i be? my mum has asked me a couple times: "what are you doing here, rotting away with your old parents? why don't you go and keep living your life?"

and boy oh boy, wouldn't you like to know? i sure would.

stay tuned, it's going to be a packed year—i'm (finally) going to get my driver's license in the next few months (never got to get around it before) and potentially, a sense of self.

[noddytheornithopod]

Alright so if Dan's oddly vague "probably next Summer" is indeed true (look he knows the answer, is the mouse holding him at gunpoint for a mere basic timeline confirmation???), it obviously does beg the question of how this is going to be addressed in-show.

Like, he also said it's basically the same show, so that means Doof is back to evil, and Candace is still busting. The latter has some room to it (especially if it's a literal compulsion she has), but the former would probably need some explaining.

Like, viewers will need a catch up on why he's evil despite the series finale being "ok I'm not evil now". Probably means they will have to address the spin-off pilots(?) and... yes, Milo Murphy's Law. Anyone who knows me knows my feelings on the trajectory MML went on, but I think they could just vaguely explain his time between Summers as "I went and did some shit, it didn't work out, so now I'm stuck back here". I do think it will be interesting to get into the character motivations behind it all though, like is it just a case of being directionless and nothing working out (ha ha accidental meta commentary), or is there more to it?

As said with Candace, I do think it's easier to have her back to busting. Candace Against the Universe was the closest we got to closure for her, but well apparently it takes place before Last Day of Summer so it obviously didn't stick. OCD is a bitch. There's obviously the post-Summer episodes showing her still, which are a weird enigma in themselves (two episodes that take place on Halloween night lol), and if you ignore my weird broken timeline theories, it does even show in Happy New Year she "relapses". So point being, I think it can work. Same with Doof even if that's harder to justify. What if she also falls back into busting cuz she struggles to know what to do and that causes a mega relapse cuz old habits die hard (again, kind of meta too lol)?

Hmm, what else is there to cover... I guess they'd need to address Vanessa's OWCA internship, if that ever went anywhere. There could be potential subtle changes too because it's a year ahead of the original run, how those would look I have no idea.

I do wonder if the opening of the next episode is going to be one big "we're back" song (it feels very in-character for the show to do), but I also wonder if they could use it as a way to explain what happened between Summers, any necessary changes. On that note... what if they get more specific and deliberately mirror the Curtain Call song? The fourth wall hasn't been set yet, and they just explain what's been happening. Also, it would be cool if the episode started with Phineas opening the door and waving HELLO this time.

So yeah, many possibilities. All I ask is that there's none of those stinking probability ions in the revival. I'm trying to keep the MML salt to a minimum, but I do think despite personal biases for ease of non-MML viewers MML refs should be throwaway and simple. Obviously that's a bit harder when they make some big changes to PnF lore in that show, but if it's not important, most that's necessary is a nod to what happened without dwelling on it. But please... no probability ions. I'm begging you.

To be positive again, I do think a "next Summer" allows for more creative freedom, so if they wanted to drag in MML and (probably more likely for show synergy) Hamster and Gretel guest stars, they could. Would be harder to do if it was the same Summer.

I guess another thing worth wondering is... how will the show be broadcast? Disney TVA stuff airs on Disney Channel/XD usually, but The Proud Family is proof this isn't set in stone. I mention this because PnF is HUGE on Disney+. I won't be surprised if it airs on Disney Channel, but the Disney+ userbase makes me wonder if that will be the primary broadcast method for the show now. Could also be synchronised. Hard to know for sure, but I know marketing has to take the Disney+ viewerbase into account.

Okay I think that's everything about the whole "how will the show be back" topic, so yeah. Guess we'll see sometime next year how it looks. Also, I promise I'm going to try as hard as possible to be quiet about probability ions. I swear. :'(

[webbedphantom]

So Sovereign is actually one of my favorite things about this AU. Partially due to the design I came up with, and because I actually got to flesh the idea out by working with a friend of mine on the concept.

A quick disclaimer though, I don't necessarily want or expect anyone to use these concepts or ideas, even if we're writing in my main verse. My threads with @/queenxfjustice showcase that pretty well. This whole AU was originally meant for a fanfic that I adapted into an RP account. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to write their character, this is mostly just for fun. That said if anyone wants to use this or any other concepts from my AU for a thread, I am open to the idea as long as you talk it over with me first.

Let's start with the basic premise. Sovereign is Makoto Niijima with a version of the Venom symbiote, while also taking major inspiration from Gwen Stacy (Both 616 and Earth 65). It's not exactly the same thing, but in terms of abilities it might as well be. It can do everything symbiotes can traditionally do. Increased Strength, Speed, and Agility, tendrils that can be used for attacking or swinging, mimicking clothing, etc.

What makes it special is the Persona aspect. These symbiotes act as another means of using Personas outside of the Metaverse, but not only that, can be used to manifest them in reality at no cost to stamina, even allowing the user to only summon parts of them to create more devastating attacks. Additionally, it can create/mimic various weapons for its user, as well as switch their elemental weakness to a different element. She later unlocks another form based on Anat, where she wears the Persona like a suit of armor.

There is a cost to this power however. These symbiotes are made of raw desire from the Metaverse (The same stuff that runs through those veins in Mementos if I remember correctly) mixed with the serum that gave... pretty much everyone else on the team their powers. And spending too long with raw desires, especially desires that aren't naturally yours, can really twist a person's mind. A passing thought can become an obsession, or a slight annoyance can become pure hatred.

They don't inherently have minds of their own, but will slowly create one based off the thoughts and actions of those bonded to them. And that, in turn, will dictate what the suit will push its wearer to do. It's literally a hell of their own making.

So, how does Makoto get this suit, and what does she do with it?

Well, first we need to briefly go over what happened prior to this.

Makoto was one of the founding members of the team in this timeline, helping Aaron and the others investigate the kidnappings perpetrated by the Shadows possessing people (More about that arc in this post here). The team fight the shadows atop Shido Tower, alongside her father Captain Niijima (haven't decided on a first name for him yet-). There Ann and Ryuji get exposed to the serum, released in a giant cloud on the roof, awakening to their powers. However, because the serum is deadly to those who haven't accepted their shadow, and because there's no real way to tell who has and hasn't, Makoto and her father wear gas masks and try to stop the serum from spreading any further.

They're successful, but the Captain is killed right in front of her, giving his life to save Aaron from a fatal blow.

Things... did not go well from there. Makoto was obviously distraught over thing, and to make matters worse, Aaron begins to distance himself from her, both to protect her and because he... kinda blames himself for her father's death.

To top it all off, Sae spends more and more time at work, convinced that Spider-Man killed their father, and will stop at nothing to catch him, dead or alive.

The others tried to help comfort her, but she wasn't very receptive to it. Just saying that she was fine, and pushing herself further to focus on her work. Both for the student council, her internship at ShidoCorp, and for the team... even if they all thought she needed a break.

And that's when Goro Akechi entered the scene. Proclaiming on live television that he would catch Spider-Man, and he'd do it through a partnership with the Shido Corporation. He'd be using a new "high tech" suit they'd designed to bring that menace to justice.

But it wasn't just tech. Even just looking at it on a screen, she could tell right away. It was too sleek, too... alien to be man made. And since she still had access to the labs through her internship, she decided to look into it.

She was right, of course. She discovered the company's symbiote program, and started poking around to see what she could dig up on these things, wanting to give the team every advantage she could.

But then... one of them escaped, lunging for her almost immediately. The next thing she knew, she was hanging upside down from a skyscraper.

At first she was freaked out, but the longer she wore it the more it started to... click. She didn't have to be on the sidelines anymore. She had power now, she could help people just like the others did!

But... she wasn't quite in her right mind. Between her father's death, her best friend and sister pushing her away, and all the pressure and manipulation she'd been put through most of her life... she was angry. Angry at the world. The world that put all that pressure on her, the world that kept her sister away from home, the world that took her father's life. Shadows were born of humans, after all.

And that anger was twisted into a violent rage by the suit. Anytime she'd come across some criminals, she'd leave them in progressively worse and worse states, pushing her limits just a little further each time, until she was leaving nearly all her opponents on the brink of death.

The world took everything from her, and she would make them suffer.

It wasn't long before she crossed paths with the team. She tried to explain herself, tried to justify her brutality, but they didn't understand. They couldn't understand. So they fought.

In reality, she was the one who threw the first punch, losing her temper after Aaron suggested she take the suit off. But in her mind, they'd betrayed her. And what's worse, tried to take the one thing that made her feel free.

It'd be the first of many fights between them.

That night after she got home, she and her sister got into a fight, a fight that escalated very quickly due to the state she was in. So she stormed off, running away from home. She didn't need her. She didn't need anyone.

She was a nomad, drifting from place to place, fight to fight. Rationing out what money she had on her to keep herself fed.

There'd be several clashes between her, the team, and even Akechi on occasion, all the while she'd decline further and further, slowly forgoing any sense of morals, any care for collateral damage, any strategy beyond getting back at anyone and everyone who'd ever hurt her, no matter how petty the grudge.

She started with Kaneshiro's clan, or what was left of it, hitting target after target, decimating everything in her path. Then she paid a visit to Principal Kobayakawa, taking great pleasure in making his fate as slow and painful as possible. He was hospitalized later that night, and he'd spend the next several months jumping at any shadow on the wall.

Then she visited her dad's old precinct in Shibuya, the place that was rife with corrupt cops, that made her father's job all the more difficult. The place that had robbed her of so much time with him.

She tore through the place in an afternoon. Nothing could stop her, nothing seemed to even hurt her... except for a simple taser.

But she saved the worst for last. Her sister. The one everyone compared her to, the one who put so much pressure on her, the one that'd abandoned her to pursue revenge. She stopped by the courthouse, tore down the wall to her office, and took her hostage before disappearing into the night.

She brought her to the aquarium, the place they'd used to visit every year with their dad before he died. She took off her mask and just started screaming at her. If she was going to do this, she wanted her to know exactly why.

She was going to kill her... but that's when her friends found her.

Still, there wasn't much they could do. Sure Ryuji's electric attacks were extremely painful, but they were holding back. She was still "their friend," after all.

Eventually, it all came down to her and Aaron. He'd abandoned her too, he deserved to suffer for that.

But after she said that... he stopped fighting. Instead he apologized for everything, saying that he deserved whatever she was going to do to him. But also that he still believed in her, that she could beat this thing. And that... that got to her.

In a brief moment of clarity, she was able to fight against the suit, and throw herself into the aquarium's power generator, finally freeing herself from its grasp.

She wouldn't wear it again for a while after that... but she would eventually wear it again, only with much more control than she had before... though she also kept a taser on her just in case.

She would attempt to make up with her sister soon after. But while Sae forgave her for what she did, as she wasn't really herself, she couldn't forgive the fact that she was working with the man who she believed had killed their father. Makoto tried to explain, but Sae wouldn't listen, and threw her out.

Makoto would live with Sojiro and Futaba for the next few months. She and Sae do eventually make up, but I'll save that for when I eventually explain how I adapted Sae's Palace.

So... there you go. That's Sovereign. Obviously, I left a LOT out, and even then it still took way too shocking long to get through it all. But I'm curious what you guys think of this whole arc. Is it interesting? Do you think I screwed something up? Honestly, I'll take all the feedback I can get.