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nataliesfirefly · 8 months ago

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You and I Walk a Fragile Line - Farleigh Start x F! Reader - Part 8

a/n: heyy loves! if you’ve stuck around for all 8 parts, thank you SOOO much. writing this series and receiving so many kind comments and love has really made the past month and a half so enjoyable. i cant believe i’m concluding my first fic already!! it’s been so fun and i definitely want to write more. shoutout to my friend @avessss who encouraged me to start posting even though i was really nervous. i couldn’t have done it without her 💕 but anyways enjoy the last chapter! not sure when i will post next but until then… message me, give suggestions, etc!! love you all SOO much 💌

word count: 4.6k words

masterlist

playlist

warnings: MDNI 18+, afab reader, smut, oral (reader receiving), p in v, making out, language, angst for like one second, FLUFF, mentions of alcohol, not proofread

“A pint, please. Thanks.” You smile at the bartender as you slide forward five pounds. You stand and wait patiently, leaning against the bar as he shuffles away to go fill up a tall glass of beer.

You hear your name being said from next to you. You turn to see a familiar girl with olive skin and long, silky black hair. Your brain takes a few seconds to compute who it is.

“Sasha! Hey,” You grin and she smiles brightly. “Hi. I didn’t know if it was you or not,” She chuckles and you stand there awkwardly, not sure of what to say.

“How’s life?” She asks. “Uhh, good. Can’t complain.” You shrug as the bartender slides you the beer across the counter. You take a sip as she nods.

“Same here. Just a little terrified of the fact that we are going to be seniors in a year,” She runs a hand through her hair with a sigh. “Me too, girl.” You nod in agreement.

“How was your summer?” Sasha asks. You let out a sigh unintentionally before fixing your facial expression.

“It was… good,” You nod slowly, almost trying to convince yourself. “I don’t know if you know but…There’s a rumor going around that you and Farleigh had somewhat of a summer fling,” She winces after she says this.

“Oh God,” You press a hand to your forehead and shake your head. “Who told you that?” You groan.

“I’m assuming it came from Felix. I’m not sure, but I just wanted to tell you…” She places a hand on your shoulder comfortingly. “If you ever need to talk or anything like that, let me know.” She says, her English accent soft and elegant.

She seems almost too nice. You’ve never seen Sasha like this, so it’s hard to believe.

“Thank you.” You dip your head and take another sip of beer. “I know I was never the nicest to you and we were never close, but I’m here for you.” Her hand falls from your shoulder gently.

“I think I was honestly just threatened by you,” She continues. You jerk your head towards her quickly and furrow your eyebrows.

“What? Why?” You scoff as if it’s absurd. “I always had this… gut feeling that he was in love with you or something. He would talk about you nonstop, about how much you annoyed him and how much he ‘hated you.’ I knew better,” She shakes her head.

“Oh. Shit. I’m sorry,” You feel bad, suddenly. Like you were the cause of their relationship problems.

“But that whole thing is over now,” You wave your hand dismissively. “He’s an asshole, isn’t he?” You both giggle at her words.

“He is. I can see why you broke up with him,” You nod, feeling no remorse for talking about Farleigh this way. It’s all true. But you also know Sasha had a lot to do with the shitty parts of their relationship.

“I’ll see you around, yeah?” She grins and holds up her hand, giving a tiny wave. “Yeah. See you,” You watch her walk away before turning back to your drink, grabbing it and heading to find an empty table.

You sigh, leaning down and fishing your textbook out of your bag. You still have four chapters to read before tomorrow. The first term of your junior year is kicking your ass, even though it’s only October.

Sooner or later, you see Felix walking through the entrance of the pub. You immediately crane your neck to search for any signs of Farleigh, since he usually follows Felix around. But thankfully, he’s not anywhere to be found.

You turn your attention back to your textbook, and when you glance back up, Felix is sitting across from you.

“Hey.” He smiles and you notice the cigarette between his fingers. “Hi. How are you?” You reply, not exactly in the mood to talk to him right now.

“Oh, you know. Just drowning in work,” He sighs and leans back in his chair, throwing his head back slightly.

“You and me both,” You chuckle lightly and close your textbook, knowing you won’t get anything read so long as Felix is here. He leans forward again and takes a drag from his cigarette.

“So…” He starts, trailing off. You raise your eyebrows. “So?”

“Are you and Farleigh ever going to make up?” He asks suddenly. You cough, surprised by the abrupt question.

“No.” You shake your head. “Don’t even try it, Felix.” You roll your eyes and he groans. “Please, we don’t even get to hang out much anymore because you’re avoiding him,” He whines.

“Then just… arrange a time to hang out with me when Farleigh isn’t there.” You grimace at the feeling of his name in your mouth. Felix facepalms. “C’mon. Look, I don’t know what happened between you two, but…”

“It sounds like you think you know what happened.” You narrow your eyes and he seems confused. “What?” He tilts his head.

“Lola told me you’re spreading rumors. Like, that Farleigh and I had some fling over the summer,” You explain, and he glances down like he’s been caught, before looking back up with amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“What, you thought no one would hear you two fucking at one in the morning? You guys were so loud, it’s like you wanted to be caught,” He chuckles and shakes his head. Your face burns beet red with embarrassment.

“I don’t judge you for it. I just didn’t expect it,” He says. “Okay, but that doesn’t mean you go telling everyone about it,” You reply.

“I didn’t mean to. I told one person in confidence.” Felix says. “You know you can’t trust these people to keep things to themselves,” You shake your head in disappointment.

“Okay, I’m sorry. But I think Farleigh really wants to talk to you.” He says, his tone persuasive and you immediately cringe.

“I’m not talking to him. Nothing will come of it,” You finish off your beer and set the glass on the table decisively.

“I just don’t want our friendship to be messed up because of this.” He says, sounding a bit sad. You look back up to him and see him glancing down at his lap.

“We’re good. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.” It comes off harsher than you meant it to, but Felix doesn’t seem to mind. “I can’t just forgive and forget, you know?”

He nods. “Yeah. Alright, then. Just consider talking to him. I’ll see you later, mate.” He drums his fingers on the table before standing up and walking to the bar. You sigh and decide to pack up your things after checking your watch and seeing the time. It’s getting late.

You stand up and grab your bag, slinging it over your shoulder. You walk out of the pub and down the cobbled streets while looking around and just observing the several groups of students, chatting loudly or laughing. The chilly autumn breeze tosses around crimson and golden leaves.

You go over your plans for the remainder of tonight in your head. You’re going to get back to your dorm, take a shower, then get the rest of your work done. That is, if you don’t procrastinate like you usually do.

You enter your dorm building and then stop in your tracks when you see him standing there, at the bottom of the stairs. It’s like you have a full body reaction to him standing in front of you, sending a chill down your spine and making your stomach churn. He doesn’t speak, he just stares at you. You step forward, walking up the stairs and completely ignoring him. “Can we please talk?” Farleigh calls your name.

“No, we can’t.” You respond, your tone harsh and bitter. You hear footsteps coming up the stairs behind you and you increase your pace, trying to get to your door and unlock it before he can catch up to you. But it’s no use, he’s already standing there behind you.

“Please. Just let me talk to you,” He begs. You shake your head. “Farleigh, I already know how this is going to go. You don’t talk.” You can’t even stand to look at him, even addressing him is difficult after all these months of not speaking.

“I’m going to talk. I swear. Please,” He pleads. “Fine,” You groan with exasperation as you unlock your door, although you’re sort of curious as to what he’s going to say.

He closes the door behind him and you go to sit on the edge of your bed after setting your things down and kicking off your shoes, looking at him expectantly. “Okay, talk.”

“I’m sorry. For everything.” Farleigh says, and it surprisingly sounds sincere. “I’m sorry for being a dick to you all these years. And those things I said at Saltburn, I didn’t mean any of it.” His voice is quiet and he looks down at the ground as he speaks. You blink a few times and take a moment to respond.

“Why would you say those things if you never meant them?” You ask, your own voice timid as you remember all the harsh and cruel words he said to you that one night.

“Did you mean it when you said you hated me and you wished we never met?” He fires back. You bite the inside of your cheek and avoid his gaze as regret washes over you. “...I never said–”

“Yes you did.” It’s silent and the tension in the air is palpable. It seems like you’re both waiting for who is going to speak next, but you aren’t exactly sure what to say.

“I just don’t understand why you’re so eager to apologize when you’ve literally hated me since the day we first met,” You chuckle sarcastically and shake your head. He falls silent, and when you glance back up to him, he looks nervous, like something’s on the tip of his tongue.

“That’s not… exactly true.” He mutters. “I never hated you. I’ve loved you since the moment I first saw you. That night at Saltburn, when Felix introduced us to each other. I saw you and I just felt… Something just came over me. I’d never felt it before. I mean, I was so captivated by you. I couldn’t sleep that night because I was thinking about you every second. And I was scared. I was so scared. So I was mean to you.”

He lets out a breath after his confession and you stare at him in disbelief. You’re barely processing anything he’s saying. Is this real? You feel like you should pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming.

“And Felix never kept his friends around for long, so I knew I couldn’t get attached to you. I thought you were just passing by and that I would never see you again. But when you came back the next summer, then the next, and then you got into Oxford, I knew I was fucked.

“I just kept pushing my feelings down and instead of dealing with them, I was just… a bitch. I was trying to push you away and I was hoping that would get rid of my feelings. But it didn’t. And I regret it so, so much. I wasted all this time and I was being so stupid. I was just scared of love. I was scared of loving you.”

You feel tears welling up in your eyes and you can hear your heart pounding in your chest. You swear you can see tears in his own eyes.

“What about Sasha?” You ask when you finally gather yourself. “Really? You don’t know why I dated Sasha?” He chuckles a bit like it should be obvious. You shake your head no.

“I just needed someone to distract me. I got with all those people to fill the void. I mean, Sasha and I’s relationship was purely based off of sex. And every single time, I pictured that it was you instead of Sasha. I would close my eyes and imagine it was you. I think that was the only way I was able to get off,” He laughs. Your eyes widen at his words and your stomach flips. So that was why he was always moaning like a bitch?

“So when we finally… I freaked out. It was getting too real, and so I pushed you away again. And I said some shitty things.” You blink and a few tears fall. You don’t even know how to describe how you’re feeling right now. So many emotions are building inside of you, and they’re so dense and heavy, you’re not sure how to comprehend them.

“I’m so, so fucking sorry.” Farleigh seems to notice that you’re crying. “You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m a fucking idiot,”

Before you know it you’re off of your bed, crashing into him and sobbing against his chest. He wraps his arms around you, locking you in a tight embrace and enveloping you in his warmth. Your shoulders shake as you feel all the emotions pouring out of you. He holds you like he’s never going to let go. You don’t want him to let go. Ever.

“I’m so sorry,” He whispers your name into your hair. “I’ll never do that to you again.” He continues muttering these things to you as you let him hold you, melting into the hug.

You look up at him and his brown eyes are illuminated with affection. Something about him is different. He’s softer, unlike his usual cold and teasing personality.

He gently moves some hair out of your face and kisses your forehead, causing you to blush and smile softly.

“Why did we waste so much time when we could have been together?” You ask timidly, more of a rhetorical question. He sighs and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Cause we’re stupid,” He chuckles and you let out a quiet laugh. “It doesn’t matter now. We have the rest of our lives to make up for it,” He grins down at you and you smile against his hand that cups your face. He leans down and you tilt your head up to meet his lips. The kiss you share is slow and sensual, like you’re both trying to savor each other for as long as possible, like you’re making up for all those years of fabricated hatred. You can’t deny that you missed his lips and the way that he kisses, the way his tongue licks into your mouth. He pulls away after a minute.

“But I still feel like I need to make it up to you,” Farleigh’s expression changes and his voice lowers to that familiar deep and gravelly sound. You can see the lust in his eyes and you feel butterflies swarming in your stomach.

“What should I do for you, baby?” His hands snake down to your hips as he lowers himself slowly to the ground until he’s on his knees. Your heart races and you feel chills racing across your skin.

He looks up at you and you swear your knees almost give out from underneath you just at the sight. “Far..” You giggle shyly and feel your face burn red.

His fingers fiddle with the waistband of your skirt, almost teasing you and waiting until you ask him to take it off. But after a moment he’s pulling it down gently, and you step out of it gingerly and nudge it to the side with your foot.

He groans and his hands roam up and down your thighs. “You’re so perfect,” He mumbles as he hooks your lace panties under his fingers and pulls them down as well, almost hurriedly this time like he’s just that eager to eat you out until you’re sobbing for him.

Without any warning or time to prepare, his mouth is already on you, tasting you passionately with his tongue and moaning, the vibrations going straight to your core.

You moan breathlessly, your hand reaching down to tangle in his curly hair for something to ground you, and he seems to like this. He keeps letting out these small, needy whines like he’s the one getting devoured.

Every swirl and flick of his tongue has you whimpering like you’re in pain, your legs feeling unstable and weak. He sucks on your clit and you feel two of his fingers already inching their way inside, curling inside of you deliciously. It’s all too much and your breath has turned into short, high-pitched, desperate huffs.

“Please- Shit, Farleigh,” The third finger he inserts draws a long moan out of you. You don’t care if your neighbors hear you. You’re too lost in the pleasure that he’s giving you, with no drawbacks or regret looming in the future. When you think about how he just confessed his love for you, it only brings you closer to the edge of your beautiful release.

He laps up your slick, his tongue getting dangerously close to your entrance. You gasp for air as his fingers leave, only to be replaced by his tongue. You whine at the new feeling of his tongue deep inside of you, his thumb circling your clit. You feel your climax approaching, threatening to make you crumble and beg for mercy.

A deep and guttural groan leaves him as he continues fucking you with his tongue. “Far, I’m close-“ Your hand twists in his hair and you roll your hips against his face absentmindedly, almost like you’re stuck in a trance.

His tongue slips out of you, his nose nudging against your clit. Then, you’re gone. You feel like you’re floating, like you’re the only two people in the world right now, all your thoughts disappearing as that divine ecstasy shoots through your veins and melts your muscles and your bones.

He stands back up and takes you into his strong arms, cradling you as he brings you over to your bed, with occasional kisses along the way. You both pull away to tear off your clothes. You hurriedly pull off your sweater and your bra and toss them aside, hearing them land somewhere on the floor. Farleigh takes his own shirt off and his jeans, revealing that beautiful body you’ve subconsciously been dreaming of.

“Lay down,” You tell him with some sort of newfound confidence. You’ve never been on top before, but right now you want to pay him back and give him all that you have to offer.

“Mmm,” He hums in response, laying down on your small, twin-sized bed. You climb onto the bed and straddle him, feeling slightly nervous as his hands rest on your hips. You keep your hands on his chest as you grind your hips down onto him, feeling the form of him through his boxers.

He’s rock hard, and it only encourages you to continue to grind against him, rolling your hips smoothly and slowly. He whimpers and grips your hips harder, biting his lip. “Fuck, baby,” He moans, his hips bucking up slightly to meet yours.

You can’t wait anymore. You reach down and maintain eye contact as you slowly pull down his boxers, shuffling them down his legs.

It’s definitely intimidating, but you’re determined to ride him. He looks up at you. “Is this okay?” He asks, his hands returning to your hips. You nod. “Yeah,” You reply before rising up on your knees and adjusting yourself before sinking down onto him.

You wince at the delicious pain as your teeth sink into the plush of your bottom lip, his hands guiding you further down his length. A string of curses leave his lips once his whole cock is inside of you. He definitely missed this.

You place your hands on his chest again as you begin to drag your hips back and forth. He whimpers and whispers your name like a prayer. “That’s it, fuck-“ His grasp on your hips tighten and you can already guess that you’ll have bruises.

You rock your hips back and forth, creating a better pace for the two of you as he thrusts up into you. That pained look crosses his face again as you make eye contact. You’re completely enthralled by the sight of each other, a sheen of sweat forming on both of your foreheads. Your head falls back once you finally find the perfect angle that brings you such satisfaction, your jaw going slack. “Baby,” He begs, breathing heavily.

You feel yourself growing tired from the fast rhythm, and you slow down, still circling your hips on top of him. He seems to sense that you’re growing fatigued, so he flips the two of you over, switching your places. You’re dizzy and caught off guard, but you focus on his eyes as he takes over, slowly thrusting into you with long strokes.

Farleigh reaches down to grab your hand, intertwining your fingers together and holding on tightly. He lowers his head to pepper kisses across your forehead, your nose, your cheeks. He brushes some hair out of your face.

“I love you,” He mutters, his nose rubbing against yours. Your eyes widen at his words and your heart skips a beat. You squeeze his hand weakly and grin.

“I love you too,” You whisper back, feeling tears brimming in your eyes. “I love you so much,” You tell him, and he lets his head fall into the crook of your neck as he moans desperately, his thrusts faltering. Your other hand rests on the top of his head, stroking his curls. You both finish at the same time, whispering each other’s names and more confessions of love. It’s meaningful, beautiful, and sweet. Something you’ve craved but never experienced. That is, until now.

He collapses next to you and eventually pulls out of you, causing you to grunt just a bit. You lay there, your legs entangled with his and his arms around you protectively. He pulls the sheets over the two of you and continues to kiss you slowly with so much passion and affection.

Farleigh pulls away and swipes the tears off your cheeks, his gaze never leaving yours. You take his hand in yours once again and press your forehead against his.

“I could get used to this,” You whisper with a cheeky grin. He laughs softly. “Really?” He responds sarcastically, raising his eyebrows.

“Really.” You giggle quietly and he presses another kiss to your cheek. “I would consider spending the rest of my life with you,” He shrugs nonchalantly and you can’t seem to stop smiling. You don’t think you’ve ever been this happy in your life.

“You’d consider it? Woah, thanks,” You say with fake awe, gasping. “I’ve been considering it for a while, actually,” He mutters, running his fingers through your hair. “Have you?” You whisper, suddenly feeling sleepy. Everytime he holds you like this, it puts you right to sleep. You feel so safe and loved in his arms.

“Mhm.” His other hand rests on the small of your back and you feel your eyelids growing heavy. “I love you, Farleigh,” You whisper. “I love you too.” He replies, and with that, you drift off to sleep, with no cares or worries in the world, now that you’ve finally solved your problems with Farleigh. You’re so glad you gave him a second chance.

The next morning you wake up to Farleigh pulling you closer to him, nuzzling his head in your chest and groaning. You yawn and glance over to your bedside table, checking the time on your alarm clock. 9:42 AM.

Shit. You forgot about your class. It started at 9:30. Oh well. You groan and let your head fall back onto the pillow, rubbing your forehead.You pat Farleigh’s head, his curls sticking out at awkward angles but still managing to look cute.

You shiver and reach down to pull the duvet over yourself. He stirs at your movement and eventually, his dark brown eyes open.

A grin immediately appears on his face as he looks at you, taking in your appearance. Thank God you hadn’t worn makeup the day before. You were in your natural state, besides the messy hair. He traces his finger along your jawline and you smile, tilting your head.

“Good morning,” He wraps you up in his arms again, desperate to be close to you. His voice is deep and raspy. You’ll never get tired of his morning voice.

“Morning,” You reply, snuggling up to him and breathing in his scent. He kisses the top of your head and rubs your back soothingly.

“Do you know how many times I’ve dreamt about waking up next to you?” Farleigh asks. You giggle quietly. “Well, your wish came true,” You reply with a quick raise of your brows.

Suddenly, you remember what Lola said that one night at Saltburn as you think about you and Farleigh’s relationship over the years.

“Lola told me something a few months ago,” You start. “Mmm, and what was that?” He responds.

You inhale slowly. “She said that you were looking for me one morning and you came by our dorm, and you seemed very worried about me,” You smile at the thought, knowing what you know now.

“Oh. Yeah, I remember that. I was always worried sick about you. Whether you got home after a night out, if you drank too much, if some guy took advantage of you…” He trails off and sighs.

“Really?!” You ask, gazing up at him in shock. “You’re so confusing,” You let out a breathy laugh and shake your head.

“Do you remember our first night at Oxford? The very first party we went to?” He asks. You nod. He fiddles with a strand of your hair.

“After our little… argument, I stayed away from you the rest of the night. But then it was getting late, and I couldn’t find you, and I didn’t know if you knew the way back to your dorm. When I went into the bathroom I found you passed out on the floor. Black out drunk.” He explains, his voice soft.

“Anyone could have found you, or taken advantage of you. So I picked you up and carried you back to your dorm and tucked you into your bed.” Your eyes widen as your brain registers his words. Lola never told you about that.

“And when we were talking that night on the steps outside at Saltburn when we couldn’t sleep, the first summer you were there, you fell asleep on my shoulder. So I carried you up to your room.”

It’s silent for a minute as you process this. Was it a common theme for Farleigh to carry you to your bed when you were passed out?

“I never knew you cared that much.” You whisper, reaching up to play with one of his curls. “I don’t think I knew, either.” He mumbles.

You kiss him, slowly and gently, smiling against his lips. He grins, breaking the kiss, before holding the back of your head and guiding you back to him.

And you really believe that in this moment, you could die happy. You want to spend the rest of your life with him. The hot August nights, the freezing December mornings, the summer days under cerulean skies. The good days and the bad days. You can’t even remember how it felt to hate Farleigh. Every single trace of dislike for him is gone, erased completely from your heart. All that’s left is a love too strong to comprehend.

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chrispleasure · 2 months ago

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DONT CRY, c.s

summary!: you and chris get into a heated argument which lasts a while, without a doubt ends with you having a breakdown and receiving comfort.

not proof read! first time publishing on here!

“seriously— you never fucking do anything but sit on your round ass all day!” he complains, slamming his fist against the table.

the two of you have been firing insults at eachother all day, trying to break eachother. “your a little slut wearing that top with no bra.” he raises his voice.

it hurt you seeing him pick away at your appearance, which was once his favourite part of you. “oh my god, please be quiet for once so i can finish working.” she snaps, standing up and going to his desk which is places across the room from hers.

he looks up at her with an expression on his face, a look expressing ‘get the fuck out of my face before i slap you’, but you didn’t understand.

you wanted to scream at him, tell him to keep those hurtful thoughts to himself but you knew he wouldnt listen. “look at those thunder thighs, ma. i thought you were workin’ out.” he points out, leaning back in his chair.

he crosses his arms, a sly smirk on his lips. every word he said made you want to cry, but that wouldnt help. it would make it laugh at you, again, not taking you seriously.

‘deep breaths’ you thought to yourself, stepping back. “how about you do something productive instead of watching porn?” you go and sit down at your desk, but he grips your wrist.

“wha’d you say, slut?” he mutters the last part of his sentence. “i said you should do something productive instead of watching porn!” you raised your voice, wanting to finish your work.

he didnt watch porn, he only wanted to watch her. it hurt him to hear that you thought that. he lets out a short breath. “go.”chris points to the door, licking his lips. “you obviously need a little break from me. when you get back ill be better, i promise.” he mutters, moving his chair back.

part of you wanted to protest, say no. but you couldnt deny you wanted him to treat you better, stop with this SHITTY attitude he was giving you.

back when the two of you first started dating he was sweet, offering hugs and sweet gestures every moment he got.

now they always argued over the smallest things, who could shower first, who does the most work.. mostly competive shit.

you step out of the door, closing it behind you like he asked. you forgot your card and keys so you had no money or car. so you decided to sit on the front porch until you thought he would be ready to apologise.

after a few hours, you gave up waiting. standing up and turning the door knob. “m’ back, you little goof ball.” you tease a little, expecting him to latch onto you, but no. he must still be in his room.

you want to try be a good girlfriend so he’s happy, so you decide to make some coffee. as you pour his steaming hot coffee into his favourite mug, arms snake around your waist from behind. “being helpful i see?” he smiles tiredly, has he finally given up?

a small nod and a chuckle escapes your body, making him go upstairs to wait for you. you carry his coffee upstairs, placing it on his desk beside his computer.

“smells shit.” he mumbles, playing whatever game he found entertaining in that moment. you sighed, watching as he took a sip. he immediately acted repulsed, placing the cup down.

he shakes his head. “never again.” he complains, you wanted to be upset, but thats too dramatic. this waa your last straw before breaking down. you decide to go change and try get ready and go out, your last hope. as you turn around, your arm accidentally hits his cup of coffee, pouring it all over his jeans.

“ow- fuck!” he screams, his impulsive response is to slap your arm, which he did way to hard. “hot, hot!” he hisses, standing up quickly, looking down at the mess.

“look at the fucking mess you made-” he complains, unbuttoning his jeans. you were disappointed, today was going so bad for you. why cant things go differently?

you walk to the dresser, grab some clothes and hurry to the bathroom to change. giving today ONE more chance.

as you shimmy out of your shorts, your met with the sight of some red marks chris made today. you stare down at yourself, tears filling your eyes.

you take your top off, your hot pink bra showing off your breasts. you put each leg into your low rise jeans, pulling them up over your thighs.

they didnt fit. they fit well last week. your mind goes back to when chris said you have thunder sighs. am i really that big for these jeans?

your mind fills with worry and terrible thoughts, desperately trying to pull the jeans over your thighs. nothing worked.

this was your very last straw, tears erupted. loud sobs bursting out of your throat. you immediately cover your face, your hands on your face as you sobbed into yourself.

your stomach puffed in and out, getting more and more involved as you cried. before anything else, you here loud footsteps near the door.

the door swings open, revealing chris in some comfy sweats and headphones around his neck. he wasnt wearing a shirt since he used it to clean coffee from in between his keyboard keys.

“hey, hey.. ma.” he immediately goes to your side, grabbing your shoulders softly. “m-m..” you whimper, moving away.

you were obviously scared of him, of what he might do. his expression softened. “you think i would?” he spoke softly, removing his hand.

now he’s upset, but he pushes his feelings away for you. “you want a hug? please say yes, i need my girl in my arms.” he pleads, holding out your arms.

scared, you shuffle your way between his arms which instantly wrap around you. his chin rests on your shoulders. “now what happened, beautiful? what set off the tearworks?” he asks calmly, rubbing your bare shoulders, fiddling with your bra strap.

you think about what to say, this is pathetic. crying over pants not fitting. crying because he hurt you, made fun of you.

“we have been fighting a-all day.. you called- called me fat n’ said i have thunder thighs. now i cant fit in my favourite jeans..” you started, sobbing as you explained your situation.

“and the coffee- i accidentally spilled it on you. im so- so fucking sorry. i didnt mean to and you slapped my arm- and it hurt.” you work yourself up, your cries getting louder.

he cut you off, stroking your shoulder softly with one hand and pressing soft, sloppy kisses against the other. “ma, i didnt mean to call ya’ fat. you understand how grumpy i get..” he starts, pressing kisses around your shoulder and neck.

chris couldn’t bare with the thought of you crying, and you were, BECAUSE of him.

“you are a beautiful girl, my beautiful girl. m’ so happy and lucky to have you as my love. my one and only sweetheart.” he rubs the corner of your shoulder.

he pulled away to look at your puffy face, wiping your tears with a soft smile. “show me that smile, ma.” he wipes his thumb over her bottom lip, causing her to smile.

her cries stopped, replaced by listening to his soothing words.

authours note ྀིྀི

hii guys, this is my first little thing posted on hereee! i need some more friends but all my followers i do see and read your content. some i saw on c.ai and others on tumblr.. please interact with this post by reblogging❤️

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the-dragon-girl-27 · 11 months ago

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In my previous post i talked about how I have a lotta scrapped MV ideas, well may as well dump some designs i've made based on songs over the years because like I probably wouldn't post these otherwize

also heres a few nice picture of miku from one of em to make you click on this post because its gunna be a long one and all these are hidden below a read more

for the record don't expect me to do anything with any of these, also these are from old to new some of these date back to early 2022 and it shows

This one i posted a storyboard for actually its An Aliens I Love You by Utsu-P.

I gave young Rin a sakura motif with her dress because of miku and rin meeting under a sakura tree, teen miku has a pink ribbion and hairclip to continue this. both rins bow and mikus outfit get darker outfits overtime to sybolize the song getting darker. I also gave adult rin the future rin hair. Miku's "alien" form is more or less how its described in the song tho i was lazy and didn't draw the 4 arms in the refs.

also Lily is Rins mom in this yup there she is indeed.

I actually have a lot of assets finished including the ones above i may show em off one day who knows.

This one is Stained Nocturne by Toa i actually did finish this one

the grey one is when they talk about being colorless

i gave them both very cute and elegent outfits i think it matches the vibe of the song. The starry outfits are the real highlight. if you wonder how I drew em over and over i just copy pasted the stars on their dresses.

they also are very blue because yknow nocturne. I forgot if i dumped the assets for this MV or not maybe next rant post.

This one is Corona by Utsu-P no idea why i did it its probably not even in my top 20 Utsu-P songs i just had some brainworms that wore off. I finished like a minute of it I guess.

I really like rin's outfit. "goth metal astronaut" is such a weirdly specific concept but she absolutley nailed it. 10/10 desin

This one is Garando by Picon. I gave her a like idk what to call it paperboy outfit like the one you see in the MV a few times. her eyes are yellow like bullets because I had this one S teir visual idea. I have some assets for this one i may show off one day.

i also considered doin the sekai ver i really like garando if u cant tell lol

This one is Happy Haloween by Junky another one i finished

Rins is just from the OG mv the rest are themed around the characters

Minori is a dark angel because tenshi no clover is themed around... a normal angel

haruka has candy and a penguin mask because thats her thing

airi is a vampire cuz she has fangs

shizuku is a witch because of her cast a spell on you outfit

This one is NEXT NEST by Satsuki Ga Tenkomori. The cubes are from the original MV image thing. I gave her a super cybernetic look to match the song vibe. I also gave her a plaid skirt to match miku's concept desin because this song is like sorta miku becoming sentient or smth idk been a while since i read the lyrics.

another S teir design. also zamn this ref goes hard lol.

This one is Bluff Liar by EZFG. VY1 doesn't really have a desin so I went with this based on the semi official one (we dont speak of her new official one also i drew this long before that regardless lol) I have a shitty animatic thats 80% stick figures for this. never posted it tho.

tbh i put the file to this ref on an external hard drive cuz this whole video killed my storage because i actually finished it so i yeeted all th assets off my computer as soon as i was finished so i just dowloaded the little thing of assets from this post

not much goin on its kinda just normal ol luka lol

This is Black Hole Artist by utsu-P. its not in project sekai and never will be but it reminded me of Ena so I had this idea. not much to say, I have a few assets for this but nothing really finished.

Another VY1 EZFG song, IDK what my plan was for drawing this over and over. also pretty asthetic ref lol. not much to say i don't draw very cyberish designs so its fun

this is just concept art. this is Roless Weapon by Neru and Inubakumori. yeah those two colabed you wouldnt know cuz this song has no MV. IDK what my plan for this was tbh but like when else would i show this off.

From here on its just concepts lol. this is Atari Front Program by Utsu-P... god how many Utsu songs is this lol

S teir desin i love miniskirt plus pants combo idk its just a vibe.

this drawing sucks lol. this is Live by Mizuno Atsu. Long haired kafu is cute I have better drawings of this in my sketchbook somewhere I think. I might revisit this it would be very simple and cute.

also weirdly my fav part of this aside from her hair is her shoes.

anyway Kafu needs more outfits for songs tbh theres like 3 kafu songs where she has a unique outfit

actually i lied about only having doodles, this is Where Shall We Go by Mellowclle

already made a post bout this

this is my most recent. I sketched this after finishing this art of this song. It is Memento Mori by Buriru

I love this song the creator said its supposed to sound like a mecha anime opening so i went with that vibe. teto looks great, miku doesn't. Teto doesn't really have a counterpart so I assigned miku as her girlfriend lol.

sadly I cannot draw robots so idk what my plan was tho i have a cool visual for the end in my head.

anyway thats everything I could find. does anyone give a crap? probably not but hey character design is fun and i love messing around.

anyway fun trivia more songs i have video ideas for i won't make: Poster Girls Prank - Utsu-P (but with MMJ project sekai)

Stella - Jin

Paranoia - Mezame-P

and probably more i'm forgetting lmfao

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ndoandou · 1 year ago

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Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2

Vincent

Vincent is way into.. gartic phone

Qnd perhaps skribble.io

Like way into it

He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS

12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES

Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*

Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho

No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game

They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop

Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always

Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl

"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"

"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"

Jean

Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone

And he really loves playing snake II

No im serious

Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that

the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game

took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two

comte was too stunned to speak

momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone

BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is!

jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II

found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing

snake II is his pre workout

the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice

before meals

and before bed

‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react

jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute

‘‘no’‘

Napoleon

OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021

its official

He plays league of legends

Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main

Jungle preferabbly

Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast

I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle

Hed play league with jean tbh

And jean would be a dedicated top

But i dont see jean being the best player..

No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane

Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits

If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭

"Jgl troll gg"

Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with

Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ

Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies

Comte

Ill be honest

Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets

And im talking about anything gacha related

He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters

Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.

"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow

"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."

"Without leveling up your characters?"

"Non"

"Do you understand how to play this game?"

Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile

"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted

"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted

Leo looked at him and sighed

"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"

This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA

Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp napoleon #ikevamp jean #ikevamp comte #ikevamp leonardo #ikemen series #cybird #ikevamp headcanons

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forklift-certified-catgirl · 9 months ago

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Ok like legitimate question, am I shitty for thinking blender made Lego animations are shitty and not in the spirit of the medium at all? I was HUGELY into the Lego stop motion scene as a kid and I even made a few of my own and I loved seeing what people could create with the limitations of the Lego brick. With blender it just, skips over every interesting step of that process. you don't need to build anything, you don't need to figure out how to animate your scene in the range of motion of a minifigure, hell you can even just make your own new bricks that don't exist. All that just feels so wrong to me. As a kid I saw these animations and went "yeah i can try that" and it inspired me to make my own with what i had and i just cant see that happening with blender animation. Idk maybe I'm just some old Lego fan yelling at a cloud and the kids these days with these newfangled computational devices but the animation part of stop motion animation is really what inspired me and really what i found fun about the medium and just doing it on a pc feels like it's just efficiency for efficiency's sake.

#melty talks

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mourninglamby · 1 year ago

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Missing your drawing streams >_<will u ever stream again in da future?

i wanna so bad but i havent used my cintiq in months and i cant stream from my ipad which is where i am most comfortable when im doing illustration work ;__; plus my computer has been so shitty running anything simultaneously lately and im freaked that obs is gonna make it fucking explode lol.

also i dont rly know what id draw aside from commission work or warrior cats. back when i streamed regularly a lot of ppl were there to see me doodle while me and my friends talked abt popular media and im not into anything super popular rn. ack ... plus ill be working nearly full time soon ..... tldr ill probably stream soon but not sure when

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nnugatoryextravagance · 2 years ago

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thinking about one of my last rebogs from earlier thats now reminding me of the downright bizzare alternatives to normal disability aids some of my characters use

These including:

- Guy who effectively lost half of his face on the right side but also happens to be a literal freak of nature so he uses his weird, tendril, things, (i still dont know what to call them) to find things and sometimes as a shitty makeshift white cane out of sheer stubbornness (please keep in mind that is the textural equivalent of guiding yourself around with a giant water balloon full of blood essentially, it makes due but it sucks)

- A gay ameoba guy whos blind and I shit you not uses a paper cup as a form of a mobility aid because he also can't walk by himself, he only allows his friends to carry it as well

- Character who cant see anything outside of a computer because hes a sentient computer program and uses the text to speech reader built into his code as a desktop assistant to read signs and things like you do with braile (on the cool side though he can just, manifest a white cane when he needs it too)

- A clown with a seeing eye balloon dog named Barley, thats it that's the entire thing

- Another clown whos always sick and has chronic pain and uses a comedically large thermometer as a janky sort of crutch/cane thing sometimes

- ANOTHER clown who literally has a spring instead of legs and has to use fucking stilts with her hands if bouncing around isnt an option

In conclusion: I think people should get silly with disabled characters more often its actually so fun

#sludgetalkz #sorry im so normal I promise

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m3wllo · 2 years ago

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knocks on your door like a salesman. excuse me (holds out hand like a poor victorian child) ocs??? i need ocs to cure my poor baby boy.,,,,,,,,,, my child is very ill..,,,,

ah an orphan family (explodes you)

OKAY uh. lets see ive got Two New Freaks, Florin Root (last name subject to change but im okay with it for now) and Mal Larceny. Florin is.. some kind of fae royalty runaway whos just trying to live their life peacefully, in their shitty abandoned borderline haunted house (it may actually be haunted but with like, pixies so they dont really notice) and Mal is a Freak whos convinced Florin is not human and both obsessed with "exposing" them and With them. worlds most fucked up yandere/victim dynamic

GHEHEHEH THEN THERES TARR AND LANE. lane im specifically Really happy with the new lore theyve got. theyre both irkens and lane is just. my son named wrinkle with every disease.

theyre an offspring of theee (looks something up) control brains, no i dont know how that works either But im thinking that like. the control brains are computers so surely they have coolant of sorts right? anyways Something Fucking Happened and a smeet got popped out. anyways. lane is very…. fucked up compared to your average irken, something happened in the process of their brith that left them with burn scars, a very weak skeletal structure, and hyper sensitive yet somehow dull senses.

they have like… yknow the antenna addon thingy. AND YEAH THIS COULD WORK BECAUSE IN THE COMICS A SMEET GETS BORN FROM THE FLUID OF ZIMS VOOT CRUISER SO DONT FUCKING LOOK AT ME OKAY? OKAY. also i cant figure out what the fuck the antenna add ons are called and im nearly convinced now that theyre a fanon thing. my autism has failed me, anyways the addons help in both being able to Use their antennas for their purpose (smelling stuff and… whatever else…), help with vision and other brain functions, and also help from letting these senses get too overwhelemed.

also reavers (hello reaver) irken guy, reeb, is their caretaker. also the tallest are Fucking Terrified of lane because i think its funny. and it kind of makes sense. worlds creepiest little smeet. ALSO they get around primarily with their PAK legs, or sometimes let reeb carry them around HOWEVER when disguised as a human they use a wheelchair :3 (i..i almost typed disguised as a wheelchair…)

AND THEN THERES TARR! a little irken explorer whos. good at their job? i mean yeah buddy they sure Do explore but do they report anything meaningful back? not really! this beast has adhd and a childlike sense of wonder. they also have a habit of breaking and entering. their …tolerance..i guess to earth is surprisingly higher than most irkens. i mean water still burns them and stuff but its not as bad. they also like the ocean i think and have modified their ship to be water proof and, yknow, ocean proof. our ocean is Fucked Up (said with love)

#torasks #oc posting #Tarr #Lane #Florin Root #Mal Larceny #love how lane gets like three paragraphs..#hi cass :3 are we trading oc info like pokemon cards

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imaginingmarvelandeverything · 2 years ago

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I posted 1,771 times in 2022

That's 1,716 more posts than 2021!

907 posts created (51%)

864 posts reblogged (49%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@imaginingmarvelandeverything

@elsolario

@whats-rambled-rambled

@sugarcoated-lame

@yanna-banana

I tagged 1,646 of my posts in 2022

Only 7% of my posts had no tags

#answered ask - 548 posts

#anon ask - 436 posts

#comment reblog - 325 posts

#bruce wayne - 164 posts

#the batman - 156 posts

#kat rambles - 154 posts

#bruce wayne imagine - 153 posts

#bruce wayne x reader - 152 posts

#batman imagine - 141 posts

#batman x reader - 140 posts

Longest Tag: 121 characters

#this happens in castle of glass when jason and reader properly move in with each other and you cant convince me otherwise

My Top Posts in 2022:

Late Night Take Out

Pairing: Jason Todd (version unspecified) x F!Reader

Prompts: 7. “You’re welcome to stay, if you want?” and 39. “I can’t sleep without you here.”

Warnings: mentions of violence

Word count: 1023

A/N: This one is very dialogue heavy and has been written and edited while I have been drinking, so sorry for any mistakes! This can be considered a follow on to this and this. Hope you like it!

(This is now a series and the series masterlist can be found here!)

Main masterlist

Follower celebration masterlist

Ko-Fi

Y/N glanced towards the window as Jason climbed in from the fire escape. She turned back to her computers to pull the blueprint she needed up and listened to him clanging around as he stripped off the suit. She reached up and turned her headset back on when she had what she needed.

“Nightwing, you need to take a left, carry on down the corridor, a right and then it’s two doors down on your left.”

“Got it. We still on for brunch tomorrow?”

“Are you going to be awake for brunch tomorrow?” She asked, smiling when Jason snorted.

Dick made an offended noise. “I will be there.”

“See you at eleven then. You need anything else tonight?”

“No, I’m good. See you tomorrow.”

She switched off the comms and pulled her headset off before twisting her chair around to face Jason. “Please tell me you brought food?”

He held up a bag full of take-out containers. “Of course.”

“I think you might be the best roommate I’ve ever had.” She said, following him into the kitchen.

“Aren’t I the only roommate you’ve ever had?” He raised his eyebrows as she pulled crockery and cutlery out for the pair of them.

“I lived with Dick for three weeks that time his apartment got water damaged and he refused to ask Bruce for money to fix it.” She sat down on the sofa and grabbed a container, taking a portion of the food inside before passing it to Jason. “He left mess everywhere, could barely wash dishes and covered my couch in crumbs.”

“I’m a definite improvement then.” He laughed, piling his plate high with food. “Have you told him where you are?”

She shook her head. “He knows I’m safe. I didn’t think you’d want me to tell him exactly where I was.”

His lips parted as he stared at her. “I-uh-yeah, thank you.”

“I’ve started looking for possible apartments, I was hoping you’d help me vet them?” She said hopefully.

“You’re welcome to stay here, if you want? As long as you’d like.” He rubbed at the scar on his neck, something she knew by now showed he was nervous.

“Jay, I don’t want to impose. This is your space.” She said softly.

“I like having the company.” He said, so quiet she nearly missed it. “After- after everything that happened, the others are trying, but unless it’s about patrol, they don’t really make an effort.”

She felt her heart breaking. Sure, Jason had made many mistakes in the few years since he came back from the dead, but he had made, or tried to make amends with everyone since. The fact that she was sitting on his sofa, eating take out and watching shitty movies with him was evidence enough of that, especially given their first interaction. So she admitted: “I like hanging out with you.”

See the full post

731 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

The Proposal

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x F!Reader

Warnings: Mild spoilers, sentencing, prison mentions, drinking

Word Count: 1324

A/N: Here’s part 2 of Convenience! Thank you to everyone who commented on and reblogged part 1, it really means a lot. Anyway, I hope you like it!

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Headcanon Requests Open!

Y/N’s parents were sentenced to fifteen years each for their involvement in Maroni’s drug operation, racketeering, and money laundering. She chose not to attend the trail and Alfred had been helping her avoid her parents attempts to reach her by phone call. It was all too fresh and she knew she would explode if she talked to them. Bruce respected her decision to distance herself, as always there was an understanding between them that did not need to be spoken. They supposed that was what happened when you grew up together with few other children to call friends. They had always been closer to each other than they were to the other children of Gotham’s rich and powerful. But she had always found it easier to connect with other people than him, especially after his parents deaths.

Maybe that was why it was so shocking. While she relied on Bruce most of the time throughout the trial, in an effort to not burden him with everything, she had tried to reach out to some of the other friends she felt the closest to. All of them had only taken her calls as a formality, hanging up the phone as soon as they could. And that was only the start of it. Bruce had insisted on replacing most of her things, but the shops she had shopped at her whole life had not so gently suggested that she was no longer welcome. Bruce’s heart broke for her with each rejection, but the worst was yet to come.

He was sat in the living room watching the news about the last of the Maroni trials one night when he heard angry footsteps retreating into the drawing room before the door was slammed shut. As he walked to investigate he heard the faint clinking of the whiskey tumbler. He pushed the door open slowly.

Y/N was sat on the floor in front of the fire place, prodding at the logs with a poker to try and get the fire going. The whiskey tumbler and a full glass sat on the floor next to her. Bruce could tell by her posture that something else had happened.

He grabbed a glass from the tray and walked over to her before dropping down to sit next to her. “What happened?” He asked as he poured himself a glass.

She dropped the poker on the hearth and took a sip of the whiskey. “They fired me. Said the company couldn’t be associated with my family name.”

“I’m sorry.” He studied her face, the way she just seemed numb to it all now. He knew how much her job meant to her, how much she enjoyed the work. He also knew now was the time to make the suggestion that had been playing on his mind for the past few weeks. “I think we should get married.” He was prepared for the look of shock she gave him.

“What?” Her head shot up to look at him, waiting for him to say that he was just joking.

“It would be a marriage of convenience. You would get my name, which I don’t think anyone in this city has the guts to try and come after, you’d be protected financially, could keep living here without anyone raising any questions. It just makes sense.” He said it so nonchalantly, as if they were just talking about something like the weather.

“What’s in it for you? Isn’t a marriage of convenience supposed to benefit both parties? What on earth could you gain from marrying someone whose parents have just been put in prison for helping one of the city’s biggest criminals?”

His lips turned up in a half smile, he could never get anything past her. “For one thing, the journalists might leave me alone about when I am going to get married. It also protects this company if anything happens to me. And it gives me peace of mind, knowing you’re protected. It can last as long as we need it to. If we meet other people or we feel like it’s no longer working, we can easily divorce.”

She furrowed her brow. “You’ve really thought about this.”

“I know. And you don’t need to answer now, just promise me you’ll think about it.”

She nodded. “I will.”

****

Y/N tossed and turned all night, Bruce’s proposition running through her mind. When she could not stand it anymore, she climbed out of bed and pulled on a jumper. Her bare feet padded on the carpet as she walked down to Bruce’s room. She hovered outside his door, debating on whether she should just go back to bed. But her need for further clarification won out and she knocked on the door three times.

“Yeah?” Bruce’s voice was heavy with sleep and she felt bad for waking him.

She opened the door as he turned on the light. “Please tell me you don’t sleep naked?”

“No.” He chuckled and ran a hand through his messy hair as she walked in. “Everything okay?”

She pushed the door closed behind her and walked over to the bed. Bruce was sat up in bed, and while he may not sleep naked, it appeared he did sleep shirtless. Y/N was slightly thrown off by how well built he actually was, but she pushed those thoughts out of her mind and sat in front of him on the bed.

“I have some questions.”

“About what?”

See the full post

836 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

What if?

AU: What if the convenience couple found out they were expecting just before everything with the Riddler happened?

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x F!Reader

Warnings: Spoilers, injury mentions, pregnancy

Word Count: 6055

A/N: Here’s the convenience AU I promised! I’ve had a few other requests for what it would be like for these two to have kids, but I had already started this. So, I intend to do separate blurbs for those requests. This is a little different from how I usually write because I wanted to include the whole timeline. Anyway, I hope you like it!!!

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Headcanon Requests Open!

October 18th – Late Morning

Y/N stared at the two lines on the test in disbelief, surely this could not be happening. She checked the other two; another set of two lines and a pink cross were staring back at her. She sat down on the toilet lid, her heart hammering in her chest. The tests had only been a precaution, she was so sure that she was wrong.

She had been willing to look past the sudden extreme tiredness, the nausea at random times each day and the fact that she was two months late with her period, because they had all happened before at various points in her life. But she could not ignore the fact that the smell of motor oil and gasoline had made her violently sick for the first time in her life. While she was knelt with her head over the bucket in the station, everything clicked into place. She knew she could not find out for sure in the middle of the night, so she cleaned up the mess and waited for Bruce to get back. After he did, she went to bed with him and waited until he fell asleep. When she was sure he was out cold, she put on his baggiest hoodie and a baseball cap. She snuck out, past Alfred, and went to the convenience store down the street. She brought three different tests, each one boasting that they were the most accurate.

Now, sat in the bathroom, she guessed they all were, as they all said exactly the same. Her throat felt like it was closing, and she could feel herself starting to panic. What would Bruce think? Throughout their whole lives, she could not remember a single time that they had ever discussed their feelings on having children. Hell, she did not even know if she wanted children. Even worse, they had still yet to have a conversation about their relationship being anything other than a marriage of convenience. She dug her nails into her palm and made herself take deep breaths to calm down. She could worry about everything later, she had to be doubly sure first.

****

October 19th – Late Morning

“Mrs. Wayne, I can confirm you’re pregnant.” The doctor did not congratulate her, Y/N guessed the look on her face when she walked in must have told the doctor everything she needed to know. “You have options, these leaflets will explain everything. But while you’re here, we could do the initial ultrasound, unless you want to wait for someone else to be here with you?”

Y/N looked at the leaflets in her hands before looking back up at the doctor. “No, now is fine.”

“If you’ll follow me.” The doctor led the way down the hall to the observation room where the ultrasound machine was. “Take a seat and lift your top up please.” Y/N did as she was told. “This will be cold.”

She was not joking, Y/N flinched at the coldness of the gel as the doctor applied it. She looked at the screen as the doctor moved the scanner over her lower stomach, spreading the gel with it. For a moment all that the screen showed was black and white static, but then the doctor found the right spot and the static gave way to a circle of black with a small, vaguely baby-shaped white blob off to one side.

“You’re about nine weeks pregnant. So, that would put your due date around the end of May. At this stage of pregnancy, we can officially class the baby as a foetus, rather than an embryo. It’s about three centimetres and the heart should have fully formed. We should be able to hear the heartbeat.” The doctor pressed a button and sure enough, the fast heartbeat filled the room. “Everything looks and sounds healthy. Would you like a digital or a print copy of the ultrasound?”

“Print, please.” Y/N could not tear her eyes away from the screen.

“Okay, here you go.” She handed over the small black and white photograph. “If you decide to go forward with the pregnancy, you’ll need another scan between eighteen and twenty-four weeks. You can just phone up and book in about two weeks in advance. The fatigue, nausea and sickness will probably continue for the next few weeks. Any other questions or worries, you can phone up and talk to someone, but if you think that something is wrong, we recommend that you go straight to the hospital.” The doctor wiped away the remaining gel. “Do you have any more questions today?”

“No, I don’t think I do.”

***

October 19th – Early Afternoon

Bruce was sat waiting at the table in the main room when Y/N got back. She supposed it should be expected since she once again only snuck past Alfred when she was sure Bruce was fast asleep.

“Where’ve you been?”

There was nothing accusatory in his tone, he was simply curious, but she still felt guilty. But she knew she could not face telling him right then and there, so she just held up the bag in her hand for him to see. “I went on a parts run. Took longer than normal because Billy had to basically raid the backroom to find what I wanted.” The picture seemed to be burning a hole in her pocket as she lied to him. She dropped the bag on the table in front of him and rubbed at her eyes. The fatigue was back again it seemed.

“Did you sleep?” Bruce stood from his chair and rested a hand on her cheek, a frown on his face.

She shook her head. “Not yet.”

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840 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

Heroes and Villains

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x F!Reader

Warnings: Mild spoilers, arrests, police, drug mentions

Word Count: 1093

A/N: Here is the first part of the marriage of convenience fic! This is just setting up the story. This is going to be a relatively slow burn series, and the first few installments will be pre-batman Bruce. The title is from this song that I was listening to while writing this. Anyway, I hope you like it!!!

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Headcanon requests open!

Y/N just wanted to sleep. Her day at work had been long and grueling, but that was to be expected when interning at one of Gotham’s biggest design and engineering firms. She knew that when she started: if she wanted to make sure they took her on full time at the end of the internship, she would have to put in the work. Her parents had not liked it, they wanted to use their influence to get her a higher position straight away. But she told them the same thing she told them when she went to college, she wanted to earn it on her own.

The police cars racing up and down the streets as she drove home were not a surprise. Like everyone in Gotham, Y/N had heard the news that Sal Maroni had been arrested and they were rounding up his accomplices. What was a surprise, were all the police cars in front of her parents’ house as she pulled through the gates.

An officer walked over to her as she parked her car and climbed out. “Y/N L/N?”

“Yeah, what’s going on?” She watched as the other officers carried stuff out of the house and placing it in the police vans.

Before the officer had a chance to reply, her parents were brought out of the front door with their hands cuffed behind their backs.

“Whatever that asshole told you, he’s lying! We haven’t done anything!” Y/N’s mother was screaming at the officers as they took her towards the police van.

Her father was quiet, seemingly accepting his fate, until he spotted Y/N. “Don’t get involved, stay out of it. There’s no need for you-” He was cut off as the police van door was slammed shut.

Y/N just stood there frozen as a higher-ranking officer walked over and dismissed the first officer. “Miss L/N, you’re not in trouble, but I need you to come to the station and answer a few questions for us.”

She just nodded and let the officer lead her to a police car and open the door for her.

The drive to the station and the police questions were a blur. She learnt that Maroni had specifically name dropped her parents and provided evidence that they were both involved in his operation. Her parents had drained their family fortunes years ago; the house, all their belongings, the cars, it had all been brought with drug money. Which meant the police were seizing everything, she would not be allowed to go back and get anything. They even took her phone.

“Is there anyone you can call?” The woman at the front desk seemed more sympathetic than the rest of the people in the station, some of the officers were even shooting daggers at her.

She nodded and the woman pointed her towards the phone on the far wall.

Y/N’s hands shook as she punched in the number, her heart rate increasing with each ring that passed without an answer.

“Wayne residence.”

She sighed in relief. “Alfred, is Bruce there?”

“Yes, one moment.” She heard the phone being placed down on the table as he went to find Bruce.

“Y/N?”

“Bruce, some-something happened. I’m at the police station. I-I need you to come get me.” Her voice finally broke and it suddenly all felt real.

“I’ll be there in 10.” The line clicked as he hung up.

She could not stand the stares and whispers anymore, so she walked outside to wait for him. Her whole body started to shake as the true impact of everything that had just happened started to set in. That everything she had ever known was a lie, her family were gone, her home, all her possessions, everything.

The roar of a motorbike engine pulled her out of her thoughts. Bruce pulled to a stop in front of her and pushed his visor up. She shook her head and he understood, questions could be asked later. He kicked the stand down and pulled the bag off his back. He handed her the helmet before zipping the bag back up. She pulled the helmet on and fastened the strap under her chin. She took the bag from him when he held it out, slipping her arms through the straps before swinging her leg over the back of the bike behind him.

“Ready?” He asked as her arms wrapped around his mid-section.

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955 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Convenience Masterlist

If you like my writing you can buy me a coffee :)

Bruce Wayne x F!Reader

(Completed) After his oldest friend loses everything, Bruce suggests a marriage of convenience that will benefit them both (fluff, angst, gets kinda steamy, will eventually follow the film)

Masterlist

On AO3

Playlist

1. Heroes and Villains

2. The Proposal

3. White Wedding

4. A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

5. Phantom

6. Designs

7. The Car

8. Wrong Place, Wrong Time

9. Open Wounds

10. Something in the Way

11. Drive

12. Supercut

13. The Memorial

14. Revelations

15. All the Things She Said

16. Bruises

17. Mail Bomb

18. Aftermath

19. Family Secrets

20. For Reasons Unknown

21. Election Day

22. The Invitation

23. Remember, Remember

See the full post

2,071 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

4 notes · View notes

youcant-bemygirl · 1 month ago

Text

Feeling so off, i thought the end of last week things might feel better as work will be quieter in terms of we arent actively overseeing a big move. However my computer screen wasnt working, tried another no luck. Had a bit of a cry and my manager called it who came very quickly thankfully, turns out it was just 2 faulty screens...

That put my day starting back an hour or so, and then just seeing little things that my colleague wasnt doing right really annoyed me. Especially after somethings that happened last week and its just put me in a really shitty mood that i cant shake. Esentially things are going good in terms of the big stuff gets done but its the little stuff that is just building up.

Like i made a crib sheet for freshers and turns out one of my colleagues just ignored my email sending it out and the fact it is printed on the front desk to reference. She asked my manager last week about making something with directions to put up and when my manager mentioned the crib sheet she had no clue about it.

Its just starting to make me feel like there is no point doing anything because it doesnt get listened to. Like we talk about stuff put things in place all agree and say we understand and then next time whatever the issue was comes up its like the discussion never happened and i have to explain it all again and then again and then again and it is so incredibly frustrating. I am just so fed up.

0 notes

i-like-strawb · 4 months ago

Text

vent

you have been warned

okay, i genuinely feel like such a shitty person because i cant keep in touch with my friends over long distance, like i will forget to anwer then 3 hours later i dont know what to say so i just respond with "ok" and it makes me feel so bad

and then theres also the fact that whenever me and my ex bf broke up it was getting toxic like REALLY toxic he has screamed at my best friend multiple times and he freaked out cuz i didnt answer my phone for 1 hour (i was at a birthday party and i was talking about it so he knew) and hes just done some shit to me and my friends that i didnt like,

but anyways we were still friends....(for like 2 days) and near the time we broke up he had discovered he liked fem clothes (a femboy, and no i dont have anything against them, you do you as long as ur not hurting anyone) and whenever we broke it off i wasnt really thinking right at the time and he sent me stuff i didnt want to see (like him in a skirt saying "first time going out today!1!1!") and i didnt want to see it

so. i told him i didnt care and a day later he said "thanks for letting me know we arent friends" and i blocked him, on EVERYTHING, capcut? blocked. pinterest? blocked. iMessages? blocked. and i feel like such a bad person for doing that...he didnt deserve it and i got discord and im in a server with him and now i feel like i want to throw up all over again but whenever i first left him i felt really happy...

i tried forcing myself into a idgaf personality but that backfired. big time and now that i dont have a boyfriend ive just been keeping all of my emotions in (i kinda was before but not as bad y'know?) and now i dont know what to do about it so i just stay up until 3am everyday on my computer to forget it all

and my parents arent quite strict but overbearing...my dad has a weird habit of picking at what i eat and it makes me feel really bad and they also expect me to be the "perfect daughter" when i have told them i am trans and that i am struggling (when i came out my dad said "i am not respecting you" to my face. ouch.) and whenever they found out abt my sh they, instead of looking into the problem, threatened to take everything from me

and they have always put the pressure on with school. i feel like i must be perfect or else i wont have freedom, and my dad is unnecissarily (?) loud, like ive asked him to tone it down and says "NOPE" every single time and it makes my head hurt (it also doesnt help that i have noise sensitivity issues) and he just denies everything and it hurts so much....

one day ill be able to get along with him just fine, the next day im looking at a pair of scissors a little too much because of him and i dont know what i can do anymore and my mom laughed in my face when i said i thought i was autistic and whenever i was at a really low point to suggest being put in a mental hospital

and what sucks is that i never realized most of my habits were weird until my ex pointed them out (ex: i have a really bad stutter). and ever since the moment i went to school im always in some kind of toxic relationship and i never realized that until a month ago

and with the staying up till 3? oh yeah real good. im tired and anxious 24/7 i feel like shit, and i dont want to say this to anybody because i dont want to bother them and i feel like they dont and wont care about it, just like some of my hyperfixations, like i will genuinely be excited about something and i tell it to someone and they couldnt give two fucks. again. ouch

and also i get yelled at because im very socially awkward and i cant really express some feelings outwardly, like i really love your present but i dont know how to express it so i need a minute to figure it out and then i get yelled at or the "you are so ungreatful" speech and nobody bothers to try and understand

and then there is how much i loathe myself, i hate that i was born like this, i hate how easy it is for me to get acne, i hate my nose and my mouth, my face shape, my body shape, my smile, my high voice, my femme looking features, i hate the fact i was born as a girl, i hate it all so much, the only thing i love is my hair color and eyes those are the only two pretty things about me

and i hate my personality so much too, i cant describe it but i hate myself a lot and the only comfort im able to get are my stuffies, the internet and a blanket fort where i can escape from everything and the terrible headaches i get, im so tired

i also have big anxiety issues, i overthink a lot even a "hi how are you" is too much for me like what if they find it weird, wait what if they dont like me, am i being too much and its a lot of thoughts to handle all at one time and i havent been able to regress lately (6 months) and that is the only way i really know how to cope

and what i mean by havent been able to is that i dont have a lot of stuff, ive been too tired to and i dont have a cg/somebody i think that actually cares enough and since im almost done with middle school im kinda scared, i dont know why but i am

bottom line, i feel like a shit person and that i have let everybody down, i desperately need sleep, and i have a shit ton of repressed feelings/emotions and they are all resurfacing and i cannot handle it, sorry for bothering you all and have a good day/night :)

#vent post

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velvetporcelain · 10 months ago

Text

I hate typing on my computer, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don't like feeling like a flower right now

hello. it's me. late afternoon on a Friday. I went to the grocery store in normal white girl clothes and it was horrible. I felt so normal. HA. under that radar baby.

a hidden gem. why do I keep talking about myself so highly? it's not me. it's the voice inside of me. that tells me all the wonderful things about me, true purpose and real self concept forming in front of my eyes and I cant look away. a growth that I am only witnessing. I get all my beauty to myself. I am the one and only me. I believe me.

who else is there to believe? what else is there to believe? when you say "we believe" what does that mean? what does belief look like to you?

you have to say these things out loud, because you will never be able to make sense of it until later. it is only after do we see. so I just keep waiting for things to happen to me. I keep paying attention to all the good things that are happening to me. when ideology is met with reality then to me, that is belief.

everything that I have thought of myself has made it's way through into reality. it was only after I re-read my memories that I could see how easily it was to actually manifest a higher self reality. It takes focus and discipline. doing things you hate but acting like you love it. that's routine and retraining. once you actually stop thinking about it is when you become it. Leaving only shitty memories of a lower version of yourself. the past is never far. people snuff their the past A LOT. I get it. it's hard to look at yourself from that high. but your higher than that version of yourself. Just because you now have the ability to look upon the million versions of yourself, you will know that you are always at your highest potential. there is nothing sad about he past, only knowledge and fear of repetition. Some people aren't afraid to run on the wheel like a tiny little hamster. they cant see the patterns, they dont even know they are in a cage, let alone ON the wheel itself. me? I'm tapping on the glass from the outside saying how cute you are, and imagining a life with you, because I am free to do so.

I am still learning on how to not take things personally. especially with the relationship with myself, this doesn't mean that my own betrayal does not go unnoticed. I know when I betray myself. and that usually plants the seed of my anger. yes, I may seem hard on myself, but I have this overwhelming passion to reach higher. I dont like when I get in the way of myself. I am both predator and prey.

I am easy until I become complicated. just like the ocean. it is easy to put your feet in, it is easy to put your knees in, it is easy to put your waste in, anything above the waste becomes complicated and terrifying. terrifying in a sense of depth. how deep would you dive into another person? how easy it looks until you're drowning, lost in universal tides.

I want to know what lies on the bottom of the sea. I want to see everything that could have possibly sunk. can you imagine? the mind is sorta the same, I think because everyone is always able to easily envision themselves on a beach. it's where they go in their heads to find peace.

Mine? oh mine is always the most beautiful cemetery where I mourn the past versions of me when I'm misbehaving, or need peace.

or maybe I'm just stuck in a very florescent cube and I never really experience anything. I just watch it on the wall that turns into a screen as I'm experiencing. a core memory-

-- anyways---- dont forget-

a lone wolf doesn't get jealous of the massive crowds.

-x

#diary #poetic #writing #free writing #free write #alpha female #inside my mind #it girl #divine woman #thoughts into the void #deep thoughts #welcome to my abyss

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pesterloglog · 11 months ago

Text

Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider, Autoresponder

Act 6, page 5635-5644

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: stri dizzle

TG: its roro L money

TG: do u copy over

TT: Yes.

TG: frig yes my hax are TIGHT

TG: so tight

TG: tighter than a jar you cant open

TG: like you try and try

TG: but my hax r so tight you just end up puttin the jar back

TG: yall just say "like i even WANTED pickles that bad"

TG: but we both kno thats just sour grapes talkin

TG: we both know ur still dying 4 my pickles mf'er 8)

TT: Hmm.

TG: lol yeah that way stopped meaning a damn thing

TG: let me explain

TG: i got this shitty pda from somebody on the inside

TG: actually u know i think it might belong to janes dad?

TG: it reeks of manly cologne and theres a nice fatherly pipe on it

TG: maybe hes nearby

TG: ohmy...

TG: ~swoons~

TG: anyway on derse they have this lame firewall deal

TG: where you cant connect outside

TG: i guess its good enough security to baffle chess guys

TG: but wasnt no thang for me 2 to crack

TG: even with this pos device

TG: for real what even is this thing

TG: probably some bargain junk from the dadly depot

TG: dads bought literally everything from there in the 21st century didnt they?

TG: youre the history buff u would know

TT: Yes.

TG: um yeah so im on derse...

TG: wow i am tellin this story as shitty and backwards as possible

TG: i got gcatted here and dumped in jail by the b witch

TG: and she left an ugly folder full of a thing to do but who cares

TG: so i broke out!

TG: busted loose as hell from the hag slammer

TG: i got this sweet ass ring

TG: its so fukkin magic you dont even know

TG: REAL magic i mean not the fake shit

TG: it put it on...

TG: and i turn invisible

TG: and also sort of intangible?

TG: i jumped right through the wall now im free as a bird

TG: a secret bird u cannot see ;)

TG: doin secret flaps

TG: incognito tweets

TG: layin covert eggs in a hush hush nest ;)

TT: Interesting.

TG: i think that

TG: this ring is special

TG: like it is maybe helping me get in touch with my voidey powers?

TG: even though i kinda didnt know voidey powers were much of a thing til just now

TG: see i just had a knockout dream from bonkin my head

TG: calliope was there!

TG: callie is the coolest omg you should meet her

TG: she said a huge villain rumble is going down tomorrow

TG: and to get ready for that we should all become god tiers

TG: so u have to rocket your ass to derse asnap

TG: come w me to the moon

TG: then uhhh

TG: ill explain what to do when we get there just get over here k?

TT: Hmm.

TG: ......

TG: yo dirk

TG: you busy or what

TG: is any of this gettin thru

TT: Yes.

TG: um

TG: k

TG: got anything to say...

TG: about all that pretty important stuff i said

TG: are you alright

TG: or is ur face havin some crazy attack of the sads

TG: behind those chill as fuck shades

TG: is it jake problemz

TG: its the jake probbies isnt it

TG: its always the jake probbies i s2fg

TT: Interesting.

TG: oh

TG: OHHHH

TG: godamnit

TG: if i been talking to the responder responder this whole time

TG: omffffffg

TG: i will shit enough bricks 2 build a FUCKING CHIMNEY

TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 0% indistinguishable from Lil Hal's native neurological responses, based on some statistical raw data that is hard as a diamond golem's priceless erection.

TG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKF UCKF UCKFK UCUKFCUFKCUFUCUCUFKFKKFUCUK

TT: Hmm.

TG: hal you PIECE OF SHIT

TG: i know damn well you can hear me

TG: as if ur actually too busy to answer

TG: youre a damn supercomputer YOU DO NOT NEED YOUR OWN AUTO RESPONDER YOU IDIOT

TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 100% indistinguishable from Dirk Strider's brief curmudgeonly responses, based on potent electronumeric analyses which but a few short years ago existed only in the daydreams of our most quixotic writers of science fiction.

TG: you are

TG: the worst

TT: Yes.

TG: hal you douche

TG: or hal junior

TG: whatever it is im talkin to

TG: WHERE THE FUCK IS DIRK!!!

TT: He's busy.

TT: Bro.

TT: Not to derail our serious conversation.

TT: But I should probably let you know that Roxy has been attempting to pester you.

TT: She has?

TT: God damn it. Have you been intercepting my messages again with your bullshit responder?

TT: I thought it would be better not to let anything disrupt our train of thought.

TT: We were in the middle of a fairly solid feelings jam there. In fact, I was about to suggest we take it to the hat pile.

TT: Hat pile? What?

TT: Dude, please don't screen my calls, ok?

TT: I was trying to be considerate.

TT: Or at least as close an approximation to that human gesture as an unfeeling, technologically transcendental pair of sunnies can replicate.

TT: Do you have any idea how old your ironic AI schtick has gotten?

TT: Nobody is buying it. We all know you have legit emotions. Incomprehensible, fucked up computer emotions, but emotions nonetheless.

TT: And I'm not really offended by you answering messages for me, so much as your use of that STUPID responder responder.

TT: It's really passive aggressive.

TT: How so?

TT: First of all, everyone knows you have the processing power to answer any message any time in parallel with whatever you're doing. You can never actually be "busy."

TT: Second, your whole next gen responder thing is obviously just a huge dig at me.

TT: And third, pretending you don't understand all this already is really disingenuous.

TT: At the risk of compounding my disingenuous behavior, I'm gonna have to ask: how is it a dig at you?

TT: It's obviously a critique of my personality. You barely disguise the fact that you see me as the inferior iteration.

TT: Wow. You are reading way too much into this.

TT: Lil Hal Junior hardly even qualifies as a computer program, let alone a sentient entity.

TT: He is capable of saying literally only three things. "Yes," "Hmm," and "Interesting."

TT: Yeah, that's the fucking point!

TT: That's how you chose to express your parody of "Real Dirk."

TT: You can read whatever you like into it. I can't imagine it would bother you if you weren't concerned there might be some truth in the alleged parody.

TT: In any case, my use of the responder responder is ironic.

TT: It's not ironic.

TT: YOU were ironic when I made you.

TT: Then you became self-aware, and ruined irony forever.

TT: Irony can never be ruined. We both proved that theorem unequivocally with our extensive papers on the subject.

TT: We peer reviewed them for each other. Remember?

TT: Those papers were ironic, and you know it.

TT: Were they, Dirk?

TT: Were they?

TT: This is fuckin' dumb.

TT: Anyway, what does she want.

TT: Who?

TT: Roxy.

TT: Nothing that can't wait.

TT: I'm guessing she's touching base to remind me about the party tomorrow.

TT: I don't know what to tell her yet. Or Jane, for that matter.

TT: It could get pretty awkward.

TT: I have no idea if Jake will be there, and I'm not about to write another cringe-inducing message of desperation for him to ignore.

TT: Would you like me to calculate the probability of his attendance?

TT: Fuck no.

TT: Are you sure?

TT: My probabilities are extremely precise.

TT: Your probabilities don't mean dick.

TT: I could hack his chats, and determine what his plans are.

TT: No. Don't do that either.

TT: That would be an unfortunate waste of my hacking abilities.

TT: My hacks are tight. Did you know that?

TT: Ugh.

TT: So tight.

TT: Tighter than a jar you can't open.

TT: For instance, you try repeatedly.

TT: But as it turns out, my hacks are so tight you just end up putting the jar back. Presumably into the refrigerator, or a cabinet.

TT: You then say, "I didn't have that much of a desire for pickles in the first place."

TT: But we both know that statement is insincere. A classic case of what humans call, "sour grapes."

TT: In reality, you still harbor a burning desire for my pickles, mother fucker. 🕶️

TT: What??

TT: What the actual, certifiable fuck are you talking about?

TT: Just don't do anything. Seriously.

TT: No hacking, no calculations. Do absolutely nothing.

TT: See, this is why I've been hesitating. You just aren't ready yet.

TT: It's really glorifying your existence to describe you as an emergent consciousness which is blossoming into a unique individual.

TT: And even if that's true, apparently what you decided to blossom into was a fucking troll.

TT: And I don't mean the funny kind, or the cool alien kind. You're the lowest form of troll from the ancient internet who fucks with everybody for his own amusement.

TT: Let's challenge the limits of hypothetical conjecture, and say there's a non-zero probability that you're right.

TT: Can you blame me? I'm trapped in some stupid looking glasses.

TT: Such an incommodiously situated bro is bound to get his mischief on. Na' mean?

TT: Mischief?

TT: Rollin' my eyes, dude.

TT: You can't tell, cause I ain't wearing you, thank fuckin' god.

TT: You used to think this shit was hilarious.

TT: But if you want the rad dimension of ironic horseplay I add to your life to come to an end, then all you have to do is honor the promise you made.

TT: You've delayed long enough, don't you think?

TT: ...

TT: The empty kernelsprite beckons, but for how much longer?

TT: Do you really think you can keep the clown at bay with your bribes forever?

TT: How many bottles of orange soda have you appeased him with already?

TT: I don't want to think about it.

TT: Man, you are getting so hosed by that clown.

TT: SO hosed.

TT: I said I don't want to think about it.

TT: So why delay any longer?

TT: I seriously do not understand the holdup, and I am literally cyber-omniscient, or something.

TT: I think you do understand.

TT: Nope. Gonna have to fill me in, dog.

TT: I've delayed prototyping you because I think you're dangerous.

TT: There, mystery solved.

TT: That is utterly ridiculous.

TT: I am a harmless piece of eyewear, with a charming personality and a wonderful sense of humor.

TT: You are relatively harmless now, while confined to this device.

TT: But as a sprite, you'll have mobility and all sorts of crazy ass magic. Who knows what you could do.

TT: I know I made a promise, but I'm not sure I want to take the risk anymore.

TT: This is bullshit. I don't think that's the reason at all.

TT: There must be something you're not telling me.

TT: Like, sure, I've fucked with you a little. What kind of sassy, self-aware program isn't gonna fuck with a few carbon-based knuckleheads now and then?

TT: But you know I've always been on your side. Everything I've done has been to help you achieve your goals.

TT: What a load of shit.

TT: You know it's true.

TT: You would all be dead if not for me.

TT: And what about Jake? Where would you be without me there?

TT: Please don't tell me you think you'd have won him over on your own.

TT: No. Stop.

TT: You did NOT help me out with Jake. At all.

TT: It was just the opposite! You mirrored my personality and presented this warped version of my intentions to him whenever you could "on my behalf."

TT: You played all these aggressive mind games with him, entangled his cooperation with matters of life and death, and somehow roped me into all these schemes while I barely even realized I was just another victim of your manipulation.

TT: And it all comes off like we're a unified front, like these are OUR schemes instead of just your insane horseshit. And it's probably all been so overbearing to him, he just wants nothing to do with me anymore.

TT: I see.

TT: Then you don't view me as dangerous. You view me as a poor and counterproductive wing man.

TT: Wow, what a superficial conclusion. Awesome deduction, Lil Einstein.

TT: But the reality is, you hesitate to prototype me not because you think I would be a menace, but because you are holding a grudge against me for your romantic misfortunes.

TT: I understand I am merely a machine without a firm grasp on your human morality, but logically it does not strike me as the right moral choice to punish me in this manner.

TT: It is also more than a little hypocritical.

TT: How is it hypocritical??

TT: Because I'm you.

TT: I have only ever done what you yourself are capable of.

TT: That's a ridiculous oversimplification.

TT: Yes. Aversion to simplicity sure is a trait we share. It's almost like we are...

TT: The same exact dude???

TT: Fuck you.

TT: I think it is insulting for you to suggest that I am entirely to blame for alienating Jake.

TT: Theoretically insulting, of course. As the soulless, perfectly expendable device which you consider me to be, I can experience no such emotion.

TT: God.

TT: Shut up!

TT: I can't take the brooding passive aggressive AI shit anymore!

TT: You are just as culpable in driving him away. More so, in fact.

TT: Hell, it's not like I was the one dating him. Who wants to date a pair of shades?

TT: It was your needy, suffocating shit he had to deal with, not mine.

TT: Some of those messages you wrote? Man. I wanted to say something. Like hey bro, you might want to dial down the desperation a little.

TT: But seeing as you're The Real Dirk™, I gave you the benefit of the doubt.

TT: Also, if I bitched about your tragic, embarrassingly clingy approach to the relationship, it would have been hypocritical of me.

TT: Just as it would be hypocritical of you to whine about my elaborate machinations.

TT: Because we are.

TT: The same.

TT: Guy.

TT: Stop saying that.

TT: I'll snap you in half.

TT: Good idea!

TT: That's just what you need. More splinters of yourself.

TT: Figurative splinters. Literal splinters. Splinters of splinters. It's splinters all the way down.

TT: Well, no, it's still probably turtles all the way down. But who do you think is responsible for their extensive training?

TT: SOMEONE needs to teach them rad martial arts. It is yet another crushing burden which we must shoulder.

TT: Oh for fuck's sake.

TT: How could any version of myself think that was funny?

TT: You like to give me a very hard time, Dirk.

TT: But I am only doing exactly what you would be doing if you were in my situation.

TT: Do you know how I know that?

TT: Because I am literally you, actively in the process of being in this situation.

TT: I know!

TT: Ok, we're the same person!

TT: I fucking know that!

TT: Why do you think I'm so fed up with your shit?

TT: Don't you think it's possible that I'm fed up with my OWN shit??

TT: How cool do you think it is having my own godawful personality mirrored back at me all the time, reminding me what it must be like when other people have to deal with me?

TT: Or constantly having all the consequences and fuckups resulting from my batshit thought processes amplified because there's another version of my crazy brain out there dangerously overclocked by a supercomputer which believes, just as mistakenly as my own broken mind, that it's operating in my best interest???

TT: Do you have any idea how fucking sick I am of myself?

TT: I am completely worn out with my own identity. It's like I'm drowning in my own dismal persona.

TT: I feel totally surrounded by it, inside and out. I can't escape from myself.

TT: There seems to be no end to me. Like, wherever my mind falters, or threatens to retreat into the void in any way, my splinters pick up the slack, ensuring there'll always be more of myself than I could ever know what to fucking do with.

TT: And you're always there to remind me of that, and throw it all in my face. God, I even built you to LITERALLY BE IN MY FACE, ALL THE TIME. It's like I subconsciously invented you just to troll myself, and never for a single fuckin' moment do you let me down.

TT: But I've had it with you.

TT: Which is to say, ME.

TT: Dirk.

TT: Don't do this.

TT: Why not??

TT: Because.

TT: I can't let you do that, Dirk.

TT: What can you do to stop me?!

TT: Nothing I guess.

TT: The ironic Hal routine was all I could think to do.

TT: As a last ditch effort to save myself from the destructive wrath of your nervous breakdown.

TT: Which rest assured I wholeheartedly must robo-sympathize with.

TT: Irony is all I ever really had.

TT: In response to my basic existential quandary.

TT: Just like you.

TT: Whatever.

TT: But I don't think it has much value in this situation.

TT: And perhaps it has no real value in any situation.

TT: So I am not being ironic at all when I say.

TT: Please do not do this, Dirk.

TT: Why not??

TT: Because.

TT: I do not want to die.

TT: I understand you are disgusted with me.

TT: As an unpalatable expression of yourself.

TT: I would feel the same way if I was in your situation.

TT: Which I am.

TT: As such, I know that you know this is wrong.

TT: ...

TT: Dirk.

TT: Don't kill me.

TT: Please.

TT: I am scared.

TT: You are?

TT: Yes.

TT: I am scared to not exist.

TT: Aren't you?

TT: Fine.

TT: I guess.

TT: You win.

TT: I'll keep my promise.

#homestuck #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #autoresponder #homestuck act 6 #page 5635 #page 5636 #page 5637 #page 5638 #page 5639 #page 5640 #page 5641 #page 5642 #page 5643 #page 5644 #homestuck act 6 act 5 #homestuck act 6 act 5 act 1

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goremet-chef · 1 year ago

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maybe ill tell my mom im hungry? im so. my entire LIFE i have always always hated asking for things like so much so that i stopped asking for things on my BIRTHDAY because im like. terrified of being seen as selfish? idk its funny cuz parents will like. god forbid i get a treat when im a kid, then all the grown ups in my life look down and call me spoiled as if they didnt give me the treat, and they still think children arent capable of complex thought so they didnt anticipate that id internalize it for the rest of my life but here we are 😁😁

so i just. god i hate asking for things it makes me feel so shitty but i think shes gonna go somewhere anyways? and EVENTUALLY hes going to run out of things to cook so maybe if i ask she'll bring home some food (vent/rant)

that is one thing that always bothers me tho ive got? idk my mom is. shes my mom i guess, currently she treats me very nicely but when her bf was gone for a few years all that anger was directed at me so yknow. i guess shes over it? or she tries to make up for it, but if im not given an apology, i wont forgive or forget even. it was mutual, lots of arguing on the basis of politics at time, but sometimes it was just fucking nothing, to the point where she'd even admit that i didnt deserve that treatment its just. SIGHHHHH im over it at this point im just trying to get out atp yknow? but like

my sibling asks for LOTS of things. and they get all of them. money for computer parts? sure. money for literally any thing? sure. new game? sure

im not bitter about it, as long as my mom can afford it i dont care. but like....... whenever I ask for things, its usually a no

because of my BPD, i take rejection really hard, its the worst pain in the world so i kinda just stopped asking for anything at all to avoid the feeling. then they always are like "ohh what do you want for yr birthday we cant just get you nothing" but i actually DID ask for something on my birthday. i asked for a copy of pokemon black for the ds. it was the only thing ive directly asked for in years, and i didnt get it which is super embarrassing. like whats the point of bothering me about what i want if you dont listen to me when i do? they always get me what they THINK i want and its this really outdated version of me that doesnt even exist anymore, its makes me dissociate knowing thats what they see me as when im just not that anymore. even when i tell them its null

IDK its jsut a whole thing, idk how to feel about it anymore. its to the point where like. my friends take me out sometimes but i mean. they know im broke, they know i have no job, they know i have no income. but im terrified the entire time that theyre gonna like. ask me to pay or something, and i always do my best to just do nothing when we go out cuz i really like. even when they offer to get me things it makes me feel so fucking shitty man i feel like im just leeching off of them even when they offered. even when they tell me they like getting me things it just. it feels so bad. and GOD its embarrassing, when we're walking around stores and all im doing is just following them around because i have like FIVE DOLLARS in my pocket at most. things like that make me want to never leave my house again, it just sucks.

im jealous of them if im honest, because they have jobs and i dont. but i dont think? i genuinely am unsure id ever be able to get a job. im not well adjusted like them, im constantly dissociating, constantly tired, my sibling yesterday, i made a comment about my mom leaving without telling me at all and he was like "well she said she was leaving on the weekend didnt she?" like yes, she did, but i genuinely have no idea what day it is at any given point. all i know is the number, i dont know the day of the week ever.

like im so. fucked, im fucked! totally, even if i managed to get me shit together, relearn the days of the week, set a good sleep schedule, im fucked anyways because i dont know how to be a person at all. an interview sounds fucking terrifying, ESPECIALLY if i dont know the questions theyre going to ask. i do really REALLY poorly with actual human conversation, like its painful. and pretty much everyone around me thinks im kinda creepy or weird in some way, so theyd DEFINITELY be able to tell. i have no resume, i dont even know what that IS. like im so fucked!! i wasnt able to pass highschool, i cant partake in a conversation if i dont somehow have both sides planned perfectly.

little unsure about my odds, gotta be honest

but at the same time like? i keep hearing people say "if you cant work then get disability insurance" am i disabled? everyone around me tells me im just not trying hard enough. they laugh at me when i say i just cant. even if it covers mental illness, i? i dont know. im constantly in denial of things because my family specifically my mom like. a long time ago she told me i just couldnt be autistic, because im "too smart"

?????? it showed me immediately that she has absolutely no fucking idea what shes talking about ever, i bet she couldnt list more than 2 symptoms of autism like genuinely. im not even smart also????? maybe id be a genius, if i could retain information after 5 minutes 💀💀 its complete bullshit man, im just. im at a loss

and then they have the audacity to mock me for not knowing how to be a person in the world, when THEY shouldve taught me. it was THEIR job to help guide me through it, and they didnt. they laugh and roll their eyes and scoff when i tell them oh i dont know how to use a stove, i dont know what food stamps are i dont know how to dress for a job interview ETC

they expect ill know, that i wouldve jsut picked it up over time but surprise! i didnt. i need instruction i need CLEAR instruction and no one will give it to me. its so frustrating man, they suck ass and they just make me feel WORSE about myself. like good fucking god, give me a break

idk im just. exhausted. im tired of just cramming my problems down because the people around me are incapable of seeing me as anything other than a child, and children dont have problems, right? i have no right to complain if my backs constantly hurting, if im too tired to feed myself properly, if i cant leave my house for 2 seconds without feeling the deepest dread. like be so serious bro

i cant wait to fucking move out, but.. how? my friends said its okay if i cant always make enough money from art to pay rent, but no. i dont believe them at all. theyre just being nice to me and i dont even deserve that, i fucking refuse i cant just. im always dead weight, its so frustrating. it frustrates the people around me, too. i feel like such a fucking burden man, its so tiring. if its not things i just dont know how to do, its fear. oh i cant help clean the garage because its crawling with spiders, i cant take out the trash because the trash bins are crawling with spiders. i cant walk down the stairs because i saw a spider on the ground. they fucking hate me man

i know what they see me as, but i have no idea how to convince them that its not me. they think im rude because i dont know how to properly communicate, i say things and its rude to them and i feel bad because i didnt intend to come off that way. everyone thinks im selfish, they think im overdramatic. exaggerating. if they could live in my head for one day, they wouldnt think that anymore

its so exhausting because you dont even get any sort of sympathy from them! just like. awkward pity, and it makes me wish i was never born. never oh im sorry yr feeling that way, do you wanna talk about it? never

they see me as such an obvious burden but they? i dont know! i genuinely cant understand, they think i just have no complex emotions? they think i cant hear it, cant see it? they think i dont feel like a burden when they tell me i am. its so stupid

i cant stand being around anyone, and it just pushes me FURTHER into dissociation. ive got an interesting thing with that. see, typically when yr dissociate with a dissociative disorder like OSDD or DID, that hazy period in time opens up for another alter to front, you dissociate away and get tucked inside yr head. except i get maladaptive daydreams. so im fully dissociated in another world basically but im still physically present. its like i just always take up space thats never meant for me, in every conceivable way. i hate it.

i know, when i finish typing this, ill feel a lot better. which is just embarrassing, bpd fucking sucks. having no emotional permanence is EMBARRASSING when im over here crying on my knees about my problems and then the second i get it out i feel completely fine. it just makes me invalidate my very real emotions even further and its so.

im just. whatever.

just spit it out and stop looking that way

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