#(im not saying hes worthless i just mean from his perspective)

[petz5]

grabs him by the scruff of his neck like a kitten

[cowboyfromh3ll]

On the topic of john and abigail.. i honestly hate it when people make out john to be the problem. no hate to that other anon but saying that abigail did nothing wrong but love that “stupid stupid man” kinda rubbed me the wrong way. it’s also not just that anon but i’ve seen many times how people seem to be hating on john whilst defending abigail and acting like she’s done nothing wrong. they both made mistakes and ofcourse john’s decision to leave the gang wasn’t good but after seeing how abigail treats him i guess i understand why he left. im sure abigail loves him but damn her attitude towards him bothers me so much. if someone called me stupid 24/7 and constantly insulted me in front of everyone well damn right id want to leave too. through my whole gameplay im not sure i seen abigail say one good word about john. sure he was a jerk at times too but at least he wasn’t verbally abusive to abigail like she was to him. i don’t know how many times she called him worthless and “good for nothing” in front of everyone!! on the contrary i don’t recall john insulting her like that. this might spark some controversy but i don’t even care anymore, im tired of people shitting on john and praising abigail as if she was an angel.

I remember not posting this sooner because I was a pussy BUT I must.

I think your takes are valid, as are anyone else's. As for my personal take, I think from the player perspective, it can be frustrating to be yelled at and berated constantly for doing something the game sorta forces you to do. Though John, as a character, does have a choice, and he constantly chooses the ones that put his family in danger and or put his pride and ego first. I agree with the sentiment that they both aren't perfect and both made mistakes because GODDAMN their relationship was tumultuous as hell for a greater part of the game. Though I can definitely see where Abigail comes from a lot of the time. This man impregnates you, leaves for a year because he can't accept responsibility, is neglectful as hell of his kid until put in life threatening situations, continues to put his family in danger in their attempts to settle down, as well as a myriad of other situations; shit, if I were Abigail I'd be mad at him all the time too.

I feel as though Abigail constantly wanted John to be better, but there's only so much patience one has. And that's not to say yelling at him and insulting him 24/7 is right, but John's neglectful and irresponsible actions were also not right. Which again, goes back to your earlier point of them both not being perfect.

That's why I absolutely love John and Abigails flourishing relationship over the course of the game. His family is absolutely pivotal to his development as a character, and as he realizes just how much his family means to him instead of a bunch of ego inflating actions, his behavior begins to change too. I just think that's beautiful.

[quinnonimp]

i cant stop thinking abt this so i have to take it to tumblr, but GODDDDDDDD this is SUCH a ctntduo song in the perspective of cquackity im collapsing to the ground and exploding into a million pieces

ive been a fan of this song for a very long time, but for some reason never realized how much of a ctntduo (well, mostly cquackity) song it is. i rly rly would love to write down ALLLL my thoughts on this bc im unreasonably brainrotting rn - but FUCK am i terrible at analysis, so ill just give some simple 1k word food for thought. feel very welcome to add on any more interpretations

these lyrics kinda speak for themselves i mean cmon

Catch my breath and hold it for me I'm wasting my time, trying to make up my mind

im not rly sure how to interpret the first line other than a kiss (especially shotgunning, with the mention of the cigarette later on n just general "catching my breath")? and im so sorry

but, if we are to commit to the kiss narrative; the second line would be cq trying to figure out as to whether hes in love with cwil, "wasting [his] time, trying to make up [his] mind". he sees this as a waste of time not only because it frustrates him and its smth so difficult to figure out compared to how miniscule it seems, but he knows cwilbur will just leave him eventually anyway, so why is he thinking so much about it?

also the "and hold it for me" line could be accentuated by cq wanting cwil to hold onto smth of his (in this case his breath ig lmao). coincidentally tying into his desperation for legacy - but in a much more personal and intimate way

I'm sitting here as the chandelier is whispering in my ear Saying, can I get a cigarette? No you'll never be mine

idunno how to interpret cwilbur as a chandelier (if i saw him as the sun of their dynamic then that would def be smth, but that title belongs to cq). if thought of broadly, could be cq viewing him as smth of value? his light? a holder of many candles? just a pretty object? fuck knows

but, nonetheless; the "chandelier" is cwilbur, whispering into cquackitys ear, either literally whispering into his ear, or just cwil trying to persuade him. could be some sort of silly mind game where he'll ask if he can get a cigarette, in his little cwilbur way, and somehow get smth out of it. like, he'll ask, and wether he does or doesnt get the cigarette, thatll insinuate smth. the "im sitting here" is just cq sitting in his office as cwilbur annoys him btw lol

cq then declines. he tells himself cwilbur will never be his, so he shouldnt try, its not worth it. (the line could be interpreted as a way of saying "we'll never be in such a peaceful setting where you can ask smth from me so casually", idunno)

and if we're going into the shotgunning side of things; cwilbur could be asking for a cigarette to do the same thing quackity did to him - resulting in the "no youll never be mine" as cquackitys (mental or vocal) response. like, "no, your breath will never be my possesion (mine)". AND AND if we're stretching this further; the "no youll never be mine" could mean cquackity not wanting to hold onto smth of cwilburs, not wanting to commit to a thing he knows will fall apart (or, also, evaporate haha). this can be seen competitively aswell

Can you come around tonight? And sing me a lullaby

even if cquackity tells cwil to get out of his country, and keeps pushing him away, he doesnt actually mean it. he wants cwil to come and he likes their competition, their dynamic, the attention, and he realizes hes lonely without it

the lullaby could either mean cq wanting cwil to sing him a song like at nikis bday party, or just wanting comfort from his rival. he could be yearning for their relationship to become softer, more vulnerable, less hateful, something so sweet as a lullaby, even if he knows its impossible

Just take my heart and break it Can you come around tonight?

cq again thinking falling in love is worthless, or wanting cwilbur to just get it over with and break his heart already so they dont have to keep the painful momentum lingering on. maybe give cq a final reason to truly hate this man

yet even when cquackity wants cwilbur to get it over with, his yearning persists, and he again just wants cwilbur to keep coming, keep pursuing him

its also a juxtaposition to the softness from the pair of lines above these, where cq knows he cant have the lullaby, so might aswell go for what he knows is possible - something harsh. what hes used to

I might be the enemy But nothing quite hits like you (No)

cq acknowledging their rivalry, understanding if cwilbur wouldnt wanna come over or stay with him .

but he also acknowledges the way "nothing quite hits like [cwilbur]", in the metaphorical sense of a drug. hes addicted to their rivalry, aswell as cwilbur as a person. if we wanna stretch this further, it can also funnily coincide with wilburs drug van beginnings, now cwilbur being the drug

the "(no)" in the end could be cq telling himself to stop feeling like this, stop wasting time on his rival, when hes got other things to do. to stop thinking of cwilbur as smth he cant let go of

SOOOOO FUCKING POGTOPIA ERA CORE WAAAAAAA

Take this pen and write for me Oh write me a song and I'll try to forget it

these first 2 lines can be interpreted as nikis bday party, singing and writing (parody) songs to each other. iirc cquackity would ask cwilbur for songs, but dont take my word for that lmao. also a thing to note is cq offering smth to cwilbur (a pen), to get smth in return (a song)

i have some thoughts on the "ill try to forget it" but no clue how to write them down tbh. sorry

Oh I'm standing there, as the man upstairs Comes crashing through the ceiling Saying where's my fucking cigarette? With fire in his eyes

the "man upstairs" is obv cschlatt, "crashing through the ceiling", "fire in his eyes" as hes being harsh and demanding, cq just standing there having to take it. "man upstairs" can be either interpreted as god (which we wont be interpreting as but might aswell mention lmao), or someone in power - which obviously cschlatt is. holding both legal and emotional power over cquackity

this could be either pre-nikis bday party (white house incident), post (the contract signing thing), or just cquackitys time with cschlatt in general

the bitterness of schlatt demanding "wheres my fucking cigarette?", which has him expecting cquackity to give him something, give him what he wants, because he knows he'll get it as cq has no other option - can be juxtaposed by the more gentle whispering request of "can i get a cigarette?" by cwilbur from earlier in the song, where depending on the tone theres a possibility itll have strings attached and be a manipulative tactic, or just be a simple casual request from a friend. if we're going for the softer route; then cwilbur doesnt know whether he'll get what he wants from cq, so he doesnt demand it. he just asks, takes his chance

Can you come around tonight And sing me a lullaby Just take my heart and break it When you come around tonight? I might be the enemy But nothing quite hits like you

my interpretations r the same, but this time, with the "when you come around tonight", he knows cwilbur is coming. its their routine. plus cq no longer has the "(no)" at the ending line, as hes accepted his feelings now

though what could accentuate that difference further is with the last set of lines

But as all my patience Starts to dry And my feet leave skids across the sand Then I'll know that you've won

cq could be growing impatient with cwilburs incompetence, or smth to do with him growing impatient at how theyre afraid of seeing each other after what happened in ho16. theres 100% potential for a better interpretation though

then we have the sands of las nevadas being skid ofc. this could be interpreted as cquackity kicking the sand in frustration at the prospect of wilbur winning or cq losing (haha) his patience. OR with the more proper definition of skidding; cq frantically searching for cwil as hes left for utah, leaving "skids across the sand" (<- and if we're going with this narrative; the "but as my patience starts to dry" applies to him searching for cwil but losing his patience, or losing his patience at how theyre afraid of seeing each other so he takes the first initiative, but not finding him)

he realizes their competition has ended, and while it doesnt particularly fit their characters to have any of them win - in cquackitys perspective it could either be cwil winning as hes gotten a happy ending, or having yet another person in his life leave him in the dust (or, well, sand)

And I'll run Back to where I came from

i actually dont rly know what to interpret this as if im gonna be honest

i guess at face value with the "cq searching for cwil" narrative, him going back to las nevadas, or more specifically his office, sitting down in defeat (also another possible case of cwilbur "winning", cq not being able to find him). could aswell be cq going to the lmanberg crater? if we're taking the "back to where i came from" more seriously. even though cq didnt come from lmanberg, i guess its the closest thing to where he came from in the dsmp in this sense, and ties more into cwilbur

"though what could accentuate that difference further is with the last set of lines"

now going to what i said a little earlier, what i mean by it is what makes cquackitys newfound acceptance more emotional is the way its immediately followed by cwilbur leaving him, his heart being taken and broken just as he asked, but not how he wanted. which makes the word "skid" a lot more potent, as hes frantic in his search for the man hed finally accepted his love for

------

and yknow whats the most fucked up if u havent actually listened to the song yet?? the slot machine noises in the bg. please this is such a cquackity song

also, as im almost done writing all this, i realize the genius page has a few parts of the lyrics wrong that were different in the official spotify lyrics thingy (like the "(no)" from the second set of lines just being an "oh", and the "no youll never be mine" actually being "i know youll never be mine" lmfao) - but i dont think they make much of a difference anyway, so who cares, this is abt psycho-competitive minecraft boys

ok. im done now. if u read it all then i may offer u a kiss. goodbye

[0thsense]

5/27/2023

Welp it's been about a month since I've returned from Korea. I've decided (for now) to not follow a consistent format for these posts and just write however I feel like for that day. For today I just wanna snapshot how im feeling. Yesterday I went on a hike with Carter and Martin which was nice since I havent talked to Carter in a while. He might move away soon and so might Martin, which makes me sad. I've thought about it for a while but I need to make new friends if both of them leave. I guess I should build up the willpower to go to church with Austin. I also saw James recently, maybe I can be closer with him.. but he will always have a different core group of friends.

What really triggered me to write a blog today was the fact that at this point in my life any attempt to derive self-worth from any external or even *internal factors is unstable/failing. by internal I mean things like my own capabilities or value props to society. Clearly from an outside perspective my value is in question, being unemployed for like 2.5 years now. From an internal perspective I also feel worthless a lot of the time because of my inability to work towards any of the goals I set for myself. So where then can I derive any sense of self-worth? I think it's not viable to live life thinking that I'm worthless. So I guess I have to try to believe that I and by extension everyone has innate self worth, regardless of their value to anyone else. Sounds suspiciously close to christianity lol. so yea I just have to believe it. My current desperate line of reasoning for it is that everybody has a story and everybody's story is beautiful. The implication of this is that you have to even believe people like serial killers are not exempt from having this innate value. I remember reading about Albert Fish and his quote "I don't even know why I'm here". Obviously an extreme example but the world isn't built for everyone. Some people are a good fit for today's society and others like me struggle some more. It is an easy way of thinking to judge people's worth in the context of today's society, and for many people thinking like that is perfectly functional. Probably they look down at least subconsciously at copers like me and just think we are weak for not being able to succeed in the current world parameters. For me it just brings sadness, and I'd rather think that everyone's human story is beautiful.

I remember that I used to derive self-worth just by knowing that I'm smart. taking IQ tests was therapeutic seeing the high number affirm myself. more and more though as I realized IQ is only one of a long string of coefficients in the formula of your productive worth, and as I realized some of my other coefficients are sorely lacking, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to change them, this store of self-worth eroded. wow that sentence was terribly constructed but it is what it is.

Not related but I want to clarify that my self-worth idea is one step further than the surface level online advice, which is to not base your self-worth on what others think of you. The normal idea is that you should have a stable idea of your own self, for example let's say you believe that you are good-looking, then if someone insults you and says you're ugly you will not be too affected by it. But what if your stable idea of your own self is both accurate and also not very worthy. For an extreme example what if you know that you're an ugly stupid mean person who brings no value to society? Then you must believe in the innate value that all humans have, and believe that you are worth just as much as anybody else in this sense. Otherwise how can you live a viable life?

I guess for some quick updates I still go to the gym though I need to go more regularly, and I'm trying my best to do things like going out on hikes, etc. I'm not as depressed as I was earlier this year though it's still tough sometimes. I tell myself I will move if nothing changes in a year, and that really scares me. I'm deathly scared of moving and just failing at a normal job. Then I'll feel like all my doors are truly closed. Pray for me if that happens. Writing this wasn't as therapeutic as I thought it would be. I wonder why. Maybe this reflection of myself is too dull. I am struggling deeply to really believe in my own self-worth. If I can't do this step then it feels doomed. I will have to try to find self-worth in the conventional fashion which I've been failing at for so long.

[bruhmoment27]

first and prob only post, throwing my thoughts into the world:

watched tubbo's stream first, was really pleased (especially as a manifold enjoyer). my bar was low but i think tubbo and jack knocked it out of the park, and it left me excited and curious to watch tommy to see where he was

tommy stream thoughts: bruh. seeing discourse over tommy forgiving dream and like... yeah. him asking dream about his perspective was just to buy time, that's fine and allows dream to finally monologue to the audience for a bit since he doesn't have his own streams to do it. and then tommy dies, sees a time when dream was happy, and just...

there was an attempt. saying "i see why you're upset and i apologize for upsetting you, but torturing+killing me is not ok" was an attempt. i find that perfectly okay. understanding but not forgiveness. but then they go "lets leave and be friends now :)" and i don't think that's okay. and its ok for people to forgive abusers irl, but this was such a bad choice to make. tommy literally listed all the bad things dream did like 5 minutes prior, dude was literally KILLED like a minute ago. also hasn't dream said in the past his whole motivation is just cause he wants to?? what does chasing tommy through the woods threatening to kill+revive him, what does turning quackity's best friend against him just to make his death more awful, what does manipulating/killing/threatening sam, have anything to do with making friends and making it simple again?

i viewed the "im sorry" at the end not as an apology for upsetting dream, but for nuking him (tommy only started aplogizing as he realized the nuke was approaching). he wasn't happy to kill dream in the first place, and i think the understanding he reached made him change his mind but it was too late.

also ever since the plan was made i thought tommy was going to lure punz and dream into the prison; them being there from the beginning makes all the sacrifice and death feel completely worthless. just a small thing i would change. and jack messing with the nukes but them going to the prison anyway felt like a cheap way to get everyone to die. and by "them" i mean either the nukes or tubbo+jack, either way works lol. i like tubbo and jack going to the prison to try to rescue tommy but realizing he's not there. that's what i thought was happening but tommy was there anyway??

also also: i interpreted the season 2 tease as completely different characters, not an amnesia thing. i really hope its not an amnesia thing that would suck lol

i got into the dsmp because i wanted to understand all of the amazing artwork and animations people were making. i've stayed because i want to understand all the amazing work people are creating. i have such admiration for all the people who have poured so much time and love into creating for this fandom. and i thank you.

don't plan on watching season 2 but if there's cool fanart ill watch it :I

manifold enjoyers won today, dsmp enjoyers lost

edit: went back and saw tommy said "im sorry" before the nukes came, woops. idk what to say about that

[scftizuku]

Big 3 vs Wonder Duo (Which one will end happening in My Hero Academia)

Okay this topic has been on my mind for awhile now i mean their is evidence for both the wonder duo and the big 3 (especially from the vibe that I’ve been getting from the war arc) So i’ll try to break down evidence for both sides and come to my final conclusion on what might actually happen at the end of the meta analysis

Big 3:

Alright lets start with the Origin trio. This trio first became a official hero combination from the Endeavor Agency arc. Within that arc we as readers were able to learn more about Shouto as a person and his family dynamic. Now you could say that Deku and Bakugou being their was due to the fact that they are the protagonist and deurotagonist (which are valid points since it would make sense for them to be present in the Todoroki family conflict since one Izuku has helped Shouto a lot since the Sports Festival and on Bakugou’s end he got to bond with him during their remedial license exams)

The Endeavor Agency arc is the first time that we got a hint towards a possible three way combination in terms of skills. Izuku and Katsuki learned more about Shouto’s home life and we even got Fuyumi thanking Izuku for being his friend (which was important in terms of a successful hero trio working in the near future) having all of the members in it have something that binds them emotionally will ensure the strength in their bonds.

Let me break down 2 dynamics within the Origin trio (Im saving Bakugou and Midoriya’s part of it for the Wonder Duo section):

Todoroki Shouto and Midoriya Izuku:

Izuku telling Shouto that his power isn’t his fathers but his own helped Shouto embrace himself. This big moment helped fans understand Izuku as a character and that he didn’t care about winning but being able to help Shouto accept himself for who he is.

When Todoroki and Bakugou fought at the Sports Festival Izuku was showcased to be cheering Shouto (who at that moment was hesitant to use his full power) this ignited his flames to come full force which was big for Shouto’s character

During the Stain arc Izuku sent out a signal to his location (which Shouto saw) and we see him worried for his friend and he makes his way to Iida and Izuku

During the aftermath of the stain arc Shouto showcases his worries and protectiveness of Izuku and Iida.

In the Forest Training arc Izuku was having trouble connecting with Kota and Shouto was able to give him advice by stating “ "Even he's told all the right things, if you don't know his background then you'll only succeed in annoying him" and continues with  "The important thing is, what the person who's saying it has done...and what they're doing now. I think that words are always accompanied with deeds.",

Shouto’s advice to Izuku showcases how much Izuku trust his advice and judgement (again a big change from where they were from the Sports festival)

When Izuku fought Muscular Shouto’s words came back as a form of encouragement which helped him defeat the villian and become close with Kota.

"Even heroes cry sometimes." which was a quote Shouto said as a mean to help comfort Izuku who struggled when learning about all the horrible things that have happened to Eri. That scene showed how perceptive Shouto was in the feelings of others and also showed his method of trying to help someone.

When Shouto fought against Tetsutestsu in the Joint Training arc the symbolic moment that started the beginning of their bond which was the reminder of Shouto’s quirk being his own helped him with his fight

We also have their friendship being stronger when Izuku talks to Shouto about his path to forgiving his father and saying that he is kind (Endeavor Agency arc)

Izuku saves Shouto from Dabi by using black whip and states that Shouto is his “precious friend.” which that signified how powerful their bond is

I wont mention all the moments that they share as I am saving more on the shipping aspect for another blog post but my point on these two supporting each other endlessly still stands. Izuku has helped encourage Shouto when using his quirk and in return Shouto has given Izuku such helpful advice when stuck between a crossroad. From canon alone Horikoshi showcases their unconditional support for each other.

Todoroki Shouto and Bakugou Katsuki:

From what canon has given us in terms of the introduction of their bond Katsuki has viewed Shouto as another rival of his while Shouto isn’t scared of Katsuki and his temperament at all.

Shouto and Katsuki are usually shown to bicker and banter with each other which is usually fun to see when observing their dynamic

Katsuki overheard Shouto and Izuku’s conversation after the calvary battle (which in a way foreshadowed his bond with Shouto getting stronger since it was able to connect him to the other two)

The Forest of training arc was the first arc that showed how natural Katsuki and Shouto were with one another (as compared to the Sports Festival)

Their friendly bantering continues when they both have to retake the license exam again. The running joke of Todoroki insisting that they are friends and Bakugou denying this is always a joy to see.

Bakugou was one of the first people (alongside Deku) to understand Shouto as a person when they were interning with Endeavor

Bakugou and Todoroki in canon both notice each others strengthens and made multiple comments on this. One example of this is when Todoroki used one of his well known attacks from the Sports Festival against his fight with Deku and Bakugou states this while bantering with Todoroki which he quickly responds with “I weakened the blow by a bit. Are you hurt?”

During their retake to get their hero license Bakugou opens up to Todoroki about how he was raised and that violence is needed against their challenge with the children which Todoroki comments that there is a better way that they can get through to the children.

Just from canon context alone these two have such a playful yet rival like bond and even to the current point of the manga we never really see these two break out of their usual bickering and bantering. I wont elaborate much on this since I plan to do a post more in depth about all the personal relationships. In canon we don’t really see a lot for them being explored but the potential for them to bond more is their and I have no doubts that Horikoshi will do this justice (especially if the big 3 route is endgame)

The timeline of where the third MHA movie will take place can play a factor to this as well. If the movie takes place during the Endeavor Agency arc then it wouldn’t really leave much room for fans to interpret Shouto’s role after he finds out about OFA. However, if the movie takes place post war arc “All for One and One for All.” which was the movie teaser’s highlight it could solidify the importance that Shouto will have once he finds out what Katsuki already knew about Deku.

Big 3 Evidence:

Deku, Katsuki, and Shouto were all shown to admire All Might when they were younger. 

Ever since the concept of the big 3 was introduced (Mirio, Tamaki, and Nejire’s debut) it gave fans the idea that a future big 3 will come into play. It was just a matter of who would be apart of it

War arc hints that Shouto will be let in on the OFA secret (which was something that binded just Deku and Katsuki before) with this knowledge it will connect the three of them 

With quirks alone all 3 of them are compatible and would be an ultimate tag team

Endeavor Agency arc once more hints of the potential trio with Katsuki and Izuku fighting alongside Shouto in order to save Natsuo from Ending. The first time we got to see these three join forces and showcase everything that they’ve got

Small parallels between them and the current big 3 (Mirio and Bakugou) (Deku and Amajiki) and (Shouto and Nejire) I might make a post on the comparisons soon if you guys are interested.

Trios have been shown in the My Hero Academia universe (examples: rooftop trio which consist of Aizawa, Shirakumo, and Present Mic) which considering that the three of them wanted to open up their own agency as pros but sadly could not it wouldn’t be surprising that the Origin trio ends up doing so instead.

Endeavor hints on this possible trio by saying that the three of them need to have the three fundamentals which are rescue, evacuation, and battle. Izuku (Rescue), Shouto (evacuation), and Katsuki (battle),

Wonder Duo:

Shifting perspectives let’s discuss some evidence of Horikoshi ending the series with the Wonder Duo. Now with this hero combination it was stated at face value during Deku vs Kacchan 2 ( chapter 120) by All Might who says “If the two of you can recognize each other and honestly raise each other up, you can become the best heroes who both win and rescue.”  This was the first indication that not only could they become a hero duo but also that these two would rekindle their broken bond by the conclusion of the series.

Bakugou Katsuki and Midoriya Izuku:

From what we know prior to the beginning of the series Izuku and Katsuki knew each other since childhood and that their relationship started off rocky (since they were set up to become rivals) 

To show the closeness of Izuku’s connection to Katsuki he calls him “Kacchan” while even tho Katsuki’s originally meaning of the word “Deku” meant worthless Izuku took that name and made it his hero name.

For seasons 1-3 (before Deku vs Kacchan 2) Katsuki believed that Izuku had always looked down on him hence him pushing him away which he yet again confirms in the war arc that because of his weakness he ended up bullying Deku because of it

When Bakugou got kidnapped from the villains he states “stay back Deku.” and as a result we have Deku screaming out in agony when the villains took Bakugou away during the training camp arc

Following his kidnapping scene Deku cries at the hospital about not being able to save Katsuki (despite during that time of their development Katsuki wanted to push Izuku away)

When Deku vs Kacchan 2 occurred fans got to see Katsuki become vulnerable for the first time talking about why had it been him that ended All Might’s career. This following with Deku stating that he is “the only one who can accept Kacchan’s feelings.”

"to the same extent of all your unpleasant traits, your sheer amazingness at everything you do was so brilliant to me, it was blinding!" (quote from Izuku during the fight) followed by "You, who had so many things that I never had... to me, you were an amazing, inspiring person, who was even closer to me than All Might!"

Deku vs Kacchan 2 was the pivotal fight that changed the entire course of their dynamic since it was the first time that fans got to see the two of them unleash all their emotions that they had been keeping in for years

In Heroes Rising Deku shares OFA with Bakugou and commenting that "It's okay if it's you," when talking about having his childhood friend hold that power and also showcases Izuku’s trust in him.

During the Meta Liberation War arc when Izuku tries to find Shigaraki and try putting a end to all of this Katsuki notices this and follows him commenting “because being a hero means protecting everyone." foreshadowing the save mentality that Katsuki has when he put his life on the line to protect Deku from Shigaraki’s attack 

Link to a perspective that tackles the possibility of Bakugou and Midoriya being a hero duo in the future.

https://sacred-stoner.tumblr.com/post/174064238438/the-other-day-an-anon-sent-me-this-ask-thank-you

Wonder Duo Evidence:

During the provisional license arc Aizawa talks to Mrs. Joke about how Bakugou and Midoriya encourage and inspire the rest of the class (with a screenshot of the two of them while he says this)

During the Final Exams arc Midoriya and Bakugou were partnered together to take down All Might and that fight showcased the miscommunication the two of them had (despite them winning against him in the end) the fore shadowing of these two working together could be hinted as far back as the final exams arc if thinking about how shounen writing sets up rivals.

All Might’s quote about the two of them being the types of heroes to “win and save” made a return as we are shown during the war arc of Deku trying to achieve victory while Bakugou gained a quirk awakening because of his desire to save Deku. In other words having them switch perspectives in the current point of the story really does come a long way

Horikoshi mentions that Heroes Rising was meant to be the original ending for the series which could mean that a) the scenario of Bakugou and Midoriya working together in the series finale would stay and that the main difference is that they would be pros or B) the duo would be changed to a trio and that Shouto’s involvement might be intertwined with Izuku and Katsuki... still unsure on which route)

When All Might vs All for One happened we had a screenshot of the two of them calling out for All Might to win. Showing not only their significance to All Might but also foreshadowing them working together in the future

Throughout the series Horikoshi highlights their bond as one of the focal points in the series by not only setting them up as proper rivals but also being able to repair their broken bond (which in turn all goes back to All Might hinting at them becoming a hero duo)

We’ve seen some duo combinations as well as trio ones in the series example being Hawks and Endeavor during the pro hero arc (it was temporarily but the point still stands that as fans we were able to see how successful a duo could be in the series)

Foreshadowing can come a long way since the series has started with Midoriya and Bakguou through middle school it very well could end with them finally fixing their broken bond and become the heroes that will win and rescue.

Sorry this took so long everyone I was just gathering my thoughts on this interesting discussion. I can see Horikoshi going with either route but as of right now its possible that we could get the big 3 while Deku and co are still teenagers and then have the wonder duo happen when they become pros (which if this were to happen then there would need to be some explanation on what happened to Shouto during all this)

Im unsure of whether the big 3 would happen when they are pros or only for the time that they are still teenagers.

I could also see Shouto being in charge of his father’s agency and allowing people with all types of quirks to intern there (especially if Endeavor ends up passing away before the conclusion of the series) which might be the likely explanation we will get if the wonder duo route is still something Horikoshi stands by.

Final thoughts: As of everything we have so far I will go ahead and say that we will actually have both with the big 3 being officially confirmed as the Origin trio while they are still teenagers but the wonder duo happens when they become pros. This topic was such a fun and interesting one to dive into so regarding personal bonds i’ll do another post.

This post is meant to view them as hero combination not shipping wise so with that said I hope this post was worth the wait.

[damedamedame]

aoinene week ; day 4 & 6 prompt - pride + future

- “don’t you ever forget my worthless pride.”

warnings : like one mention of fire but not an actual fire

notes : oh god yeah im super late but here’s pining lesbian aoi as compensation. the title’s a birthday present for oikawa tooru since it’s his bday <3 

(and and the setting is like a college au wherein aoi and nene haven’t met yet so um ehe)

Being anxious wasn't out of character for Aoi. However, despite being the perfect and pretty woman she was, it was crystal clear how awkward she looks right now. Although it wasn't her original idea to spend her Saturday on a Pride Event, she still thought going here was a horrible decision.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come..." She mutters under her breath, unease settling in her stomach at the judging glares she knows she's getting. Or, maybe everyone's attention wasn't on her this time, though it definitely felt like it. "Hey, Akane, can we go ho- Akane?" 

The brown-haired man seemingly disappeared from her side out of nowhere. And, coming from him of all people, was as rare as a blue moon.

'Wait. Does that mean I was talking to myself this entire time?' Grumbling, she tugs at her hair in absolute frustration, cursing at how she even bothered to come. 'Stupid. Stupid Akane.' 

The only reason she even came was because of him. Akane once fell completely and overly in love with her charms but acknowledged how uncomfortable she got when he tried his advances on her and backed off. She truly admired how he stopped flirting with her any chance he got. But, she did not appreciate how perspective he was. Especially at how he examined her blushing reaction when a girl told her she was stunning. Then proceeding to figure out she might be a little more into girls than she had intended. Which, by the way, he realized before she even informed him. 

She recalls the feeling of utter astonishment at how he had mentioned it when they were walking back to their homes. After that, she quickly speed-walked forward out of embarrassment with her face in her hands. 'That was the most iconic moment of my life.' He told her the next day, smirking smugly at himself. She resists the urge to pinch his ear until it turned red.

Aoi crosses her arms, looking around to check if Akane was anywhere nearby. Alas, the coffee-colored man's hair (who was, coincidentally, obsessed with coffee) wasn't near her at all. 'Great. Now he's probably wandering around shouting my name and disturbing everyone.'

All of a sudden, her laments seemed to cease at once. It's as if her logical reasoning instantaneously shut down at the sight of her. The silver-haired woman who walked right past her with bright amber eyes and a golden grin on her lips. 'She... resembles a daikon...' She blushes, gazing at her intently. The daikon, who paused beside the telephone, turned to look at her with curious eyes. Her cheeks echoed of ones engulfed in flames. Her breath hitches the moment they lock eyes.

As nervous as she was, she wasn't one to lose face over a pretty girl. In spite of her soul about to leave her body, she stumbles her way over to her with a sheepish smile. 

"Y-You look hot," Aoi hears her stammer out, her remaining bit of sanity disappearing into the wind. "T-That is, That is because you're wearing that coat, yeah! Uh, um, my name is Nene, Nene Yashiro." The girl flushes at the realization of her words, bowing with her fists clenched.

"Aoi Akane." Nene stops bowing when she responds and starts fiddling with the strap of her shoulder bag. "It might've been better if you didn't correct yourself, you know." Aoi winks innocently, acting as if her whole face wasn't pink. 

"Would you believe me if I said I had to make up that excuse on the spot?" Nene laughs skittishly, gripping the strap tightly. 

"Only if you treat me to cake some time?" Aoi snorts, twirling her hair like she hadn't a care in the world. The exact opposite of what she felt inside. In fact, if you listened closely, you could hear a loud scream coming from all of her veins. Nene nods eagerly, finding her phone from inside her bag.

"Yashiro!"

"Yashiro-san!"

The eager nod swiftly turns into her dropping her phone on the ground with a fumble of her hands as they hear two distinct voices shouting her name. 

"I am so sorry!" Nene scrambles to pick up her phone as the two boys stride up to both of them. Aoi observes them in silence. One of the boys wasn't very tall, roughly at height with herself, and had choppy, black hair. The other boy was scrawny with spiky blonde hair that bothered her every single time she even took a glance at it. "Akane-san, these two guys are my friends, ahaha."

"Boyfriends...?" Aoi bites the inside of her cheek, tension overshadowed in her eyes. 

"What!? No, no, not at all!" Nene waves her hands profusely. Blondie looks at her in concern, attempting to soothe by saying 'C-Calm down, Yashiro-san..!' while not looking very tranquil himself. The brunette's eyebrow raised at the adamant refusal, saying how he's 'as handsome as that donut in that shop from before.'

"This is Kou," She points to the blondie with the shy smile on his face, "He's totally in love with this one guy from the photography class." That comment only made him burst into flames, making the rest of them snicker at his expense.

"And this guy is Amane," She then points to the brunette with a smug grin, who then pulls Aoi closer to him to whisper something in her ear. Nene groans and pushes the stunned girl away from him. "He pushes people's boundaries, as most people do."

The next few minutes strayed with lighthearted nonsense chatter. Aoi takes a look and melts at Nene's laughter now and again. Once the sun starts to glow quite glaringly, and the heat becomes much more unbearable, they start hearing a sound. Particularly a chant of 'Ao-chan! Ao-chan! Ao-chan!' The mentioned girl feels her stomach drop with dread.

"I have to go before he starts plowing through the crowd." She jeers sadly, the trio not knowing whether what she just said was a joke or not. "... Not a joke, unfortunately."

Before Aoi leaves to calm a wrathful childhood friend of hers, Nene grabs ahold of her wrist hurriedly. Looking back at her pleading face, she swore she could explode into fireworks then and there. 

The moment Akane had found her through the countless amount of people in the crowd, he had dash and catch her from tripping over the concrete over how doozy she was. How her rationality ceased to wash over her? He didn't know. But, he had a feeling it was something about the array of numbers written on her arm.

notes : theyre girlfriends, your honor

[singingforthepromises]

fruits basket manga lb (ch 115-118)

CH 115

“The feeling... of being left behind.” Oh no. 

I actually agree with the maid - Ren IS despicable. She’s horrible. I do think I’m at the point where I dislike her more than Akito, honestly. I at least feel bad for Akito at certain points and it’s growing with each chapter. Ren? She can fuck off, honestly. 

“She’s worthless” about Isuzu. Lol shut up bitch 

“You’re the one who’s worthless, Ren-san” OH HO SHIGURE WENT THERE

Ren is such a hypocrite. In one breath, she criticizes Akito for holing onto ‘delusions’ when she’s sitting here doing the same shit with Akira. 

“She just didn’t want to stop being Akira-san’s ‘number one.’ She’s jealous.” FACTS

Wow she didn’t even hold baby Akito. :/ 

“The way she is now... whose fault.... is that?” I love that this is being brought up, and I’m gonna talk about it. Akito is a product of her environment, we know this. It’s not surprising that she turned out this way. It’s all she knew. She’s clinging to words that her father told her, to justify her actions and make sense of her existence. Otherwise, in Akito’s eyes, her mom was right about her - and that’s a horrible perspective to have. It’s understandable of course: that is what abused children think. Akito is as much a victim from abuse as any of the others. It’s like this entire series has been a game between Ren and Akito and seeing who the winner will end up being, and damn the collateral picked up along the way. 

The way Akito is now.... it’s mostly her own fault, but it’s ALSO Ren’s, Shigure’s, Kureno’s, the maids, the entire Sohma family’s. They all either directly caused this behavior or were content to let it continue. Or they simply chose not to try and get her help or direct her something more positive. I blame Kureno less than I do the others, because he was as much as a victim as everyone else, in his own way. Shigure I do hold responsible because even though he’s under the curse too, he knew Akito best, knew her entire situation, and is still comfortable talking to and fraternizing with Ren. 

At the end of the day though, Akito’s decisions are her own, and until she owns up to it and changes her ways, she’s the same as her mother. I feel much more for her now as opposed to when I first started the manga and anime, but she’s still got a ways to go for me. We’ll see by the end where I stand on her. 

One thing I know for sure: Ren is an irredeemable piece of shit. 

Okay, let me address this scene with Akira and Akito. I totally get where he’s coming from, being a loving father to his daughter that is treated like crap by her own mother. She deserves this warmth and care from her parents, even if from just one. But I feel like this approach, the way he explained her destiny to her, was part of the problem. One parent was overly loving and wanted to give the child everything and told her how important she was and the other was cruel and cold. Akira needed to let Akito know the meaning of the word “no.” Not to be harsh, or cruel to her, but to let her know that the Zodiacs are people too, and they can’t be sentenced to a life of imprisonment with her just because she is their God. That if she treats them right, they’ll be close and bonded, but allowed to live lives of their own. It doesn’t mean that she’s been abandoned, or that no one wants to be with her. Healthy relationships can exist from a distance, and that was not expressed by anyone in Akito’s life. It certainly explains her terror when thinking they’re all going to leave her, or she’s told that they’re going to. 

OH SHIT OH MSJFSFJS DID THAT JUST HAPPEN

MOMIJI’S CURSE

IT JUST BROKE

IM SOBBING MY BEAUTIFUL BOY IS FREE

CH 116

Momiji is walking past his mom’s house? I’m upset

Ohh boy here comes Akito

I do feel bad for her... it’s sad, because she’s brought all of this on herself, and to a degree, it’s karma. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel bad. 

Momiji realizing that Akito is weak and has no power over him anymore.... wow, we love to see it. 

omg are Haru and Yuki realizing it??? 

Tohru blushing at seeing Kyo!! 

Momiji watching her! ;A; 

“Well... you know, right?” AHHHHHHH HE SAID IT

Oh, Momiji did go talk to Akito again... 

“Akito, I can’t spend the rest of my life at your side.” YES MY BOY

Okay here she goes, slapping him. And she’s rubbing salt in the wound, lashing out because of her own pain... and Momiji is bigger than that, better than that. The fact that he’s admitting that nothing will go back to how it was, that breaking from the curse is just as much a curse as actually being under one... that’s truly sad. I hadn’t thought of the bond as a beautiful thing in a while, but I see the potential it could’ve had TO be. They were united by something that could’ve been beautiful. To an extent, in between all of the horror that came with it, it was. 

“I’m going to walk my own path.” I AM SO PROUD OF YOU

“How about you? How long are you going to stay HERE?” I love this question for many reasons, but mostly because it shows that Momiji still cares about Akito and wants her to be happy, too. 

I respect that Akito isn’t trying to stop him even further with more violence or more demeaning words. I don’t know if Momiji’s words are having an impact and she’s starting to realize what she’s caused, or if she’s internally about to have a meltdown and do something much worse, but for the moment, I like that she isn’t lashing out at him much more. 

CH 117

Oh, we’re paralleling mother relationships with Tohru and Akito, are we? They really are foils of one another. 

You’ll get another chance, Tohru!! 

Damn Ren is legit awful. 

“This thing?! It was just a toy to pass the time!” Oh, okay. Explains the “you’re just a toy for me to play with” from little Akito to Yuki. Was this the moment she snapped in the room and painted it black? Was this the precursor? And she repeated those awful words her mother said to her? 

“It meant that I could show off...in front of that woman.” Yep, called it. 

Holy shit she’s becoming aware... “I forced them to stay.” 

“I had faith that no one could split us apart.” So Tohru being involved was so Akito could show Ren that no one could interfere with her bond to the Zodiac. I hate saying that Ren was right, but... it’s true. And like the sad thing is, in this case, the bond SHOULD be severed, because it’s unhealthy for everyone involved, including Akito. But I relate to Akito here: I wouldn’t want my abuser to be proven ‘right’, either. 

Ren is insane

I do appreciate the maids being kind to little Akito. It’s just an unfortunate situation. All of the wrong words in the wrong kind of environment, not knowing how much to support someone without supporting them TOO much to the point of enablement... 

CH 118

Is Akito actually gonna kill Ren? I’m not opposed to that honestly. 

HIRO

HE’S HOLDING HIS BABY SISTER!!!

DID HIS CURSE BREAK?!

YESSSS

That’s two Zodiacs down! oh my god it’s actually HAPPENING.

“No one ever gave me a different way to live!” I mean, Akito is not wrong. She’s justifying her actions, but at the same time, she has a point. Everyone around her allowed this. Like I said: at the end of the day, she’s responsible for her own actions and she needs to own up to them and not shift the blame to everyone except herself. Hold everyone else just as responsible, yes: but admit your own faults. 

SHE JUST STABBED KURENO

JFC

Come on, Akito. You could’ve made a good decision right there, Kureno is willing to help you with the change. But unless you actively want to, nothing will happen. 

Is Kureno actually going to die??? omg. This was the quick moment from the trailer with the knife, right? Holy shit.

“So then what? It’s MY fault?” YES. YES, it IS! It’s your mother’s, and Kureno’s, and Shigure’s and the Sohma’s too - but it is YOUR fault with how you continue to treat people. 

“Where are they all going to go?” as she thinks of Tohru.

Oh god

oh fuck

Akito, I’m being more sympathetic to you, but if you hurt Tohru again, it’s OVER. 

Kyoru!!

“Kyo-kun... there’s something... I need to tell you.” OH MY GOD HERE WE GO HERE SJFJSFJSFJSJFSJFSF

[gayerthanithought]

ok lil weird rant right? i’m a christian. ok that’s out of the way. anyways. my father was an atheist. a ‘pastafarian’ atheist. he would constantly try to wrangle a child (me) into intense theological discussions to sway me to his side. he would make fun of me when i went to church when i was older. always had little comments mocking my religion and religion in general. my mother was christian as well and wanted her children to make their own decision concerning religion. i made my decision, but my father didn’t like it, he didn’t believe in it and he couldn’t live with the fact i did. my oldest sister doesn’t really perscribe to any religion, he doesn’t say two words about that. my middle sister is agnostic and he refuses to admit it. keeps saying she’s basically atheist. all that is just my special way of saying ATHIESTS WHO MOCK RELIGION AND GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO RUIN SOMEONES FAITH ARE JUST AS BAD AS THE CHRISTIANS WHO DO THAT TO EVERYONE ELSE.

because the thing is we’re somewhere else now. i ranted about my dad, that’s over. me and my religion mean nothing in this little discussion over here. the idea of pastafarian as a religion is a sticky wicket to me because the way my father described it, a member of the pastafarians, it was a satirical way to make fun of religion. but when i look it up, they have some good ideas, because it’s true, church and state Have To be kept separate for our society to grow. and just one specific religion shouldn’t be taught in school. they should have a non-eurocentric equal dive into all major religions. that’s what i got in ap world history and it’s helped me be able to be more respectful of other religions. but also don’t make fun of religion. my dad used to say that a woman wearing a hijab of her own choice for her own religion is religious oppression and yeah he was pretty fucking wrong. and that’s the shit i really don’t like. it doesn’t matter which one i believe in, religion should be respected.

my dad was raised in an extremely christian household with a pastor as a father and probably has religious trauma. but that doesn’t excuse him from continuing the cycle and making me feel worthless just because i so happened to tell my parent where i was going. he needs to go to therapy to work through his religious trauma. just like everyone who has trauma (myself included!!!) need to go to therapy and work it out because trauma is never an excuse to be a shithead. i try so fucking hard and make a concerted effort to not shove my religion down anyone’s throat and that doesn’t make me a gold star better than everyone else christian. no it makes me a decent human being. because i was not shown the same grace throughout my life. but i feel like i can’t say shit because “the church” and christian extremists have caused so much pain and suffering. but u know what???? IM NOT AN EXTREMEIST. IM NOT THE CHURCH ITSELF. SO IM GONNA FUCKINNG SAY IT. IM MAD AT PEOPLE WHO WILL ALWAYS COME AFTER CHRISTIANS WHO IMPOSE THIER RELIGION TURN AROUND AND THEN TRY TO CONVERT EVERYONE TO ATHEISM OR MOCK OTHERS FOR HAVING A RELIGION. because yes the extremists are bad, and i too laugh at them and i live in the south so i’m more than happy to use the bible to shut down someone who is being homophobic or racist in the name of The Lord. because personally, that offends me. but anyway. we should not hold any space for intolerant extremists. and that goes for atheists too.

anyway if anyone wants to talk in a calm and open manner i’m all ears, i’d like to hear other perspectives because i know my experience isn’t the end all be all

[lordelmelloi2]

WhenI think about Waver and I think about how he’s cared about Gray and I think about how the lessons and the things that he’s experienced Directly Parallel the things I’ve experienced with my sister I just get so fucking emotional like yes WE literally can’t kill ourselves because we have people WHO ARE RELYING ON US. who want to see US be cared for and grow and thrive too like IT’S NOT JUST ONE WAY LIKE YOU WANT THE BEST FOR YOUR MENTORS TOO. And like how when you commit to caring for somebody you also have to respect that you have to care for yourself if you just endlessly self-sacrifice forever you’re going to be burned out and tired and THEY’LL NOTICE IT and be worried about you. And like. Just caring about people unconditionally and just like. 

For years and years and years I didn’t really understand like the meaning of my life or really anyone’s life for that matter and I just felt like things are so empty and like I’m doing nothing or something but the truth is and I realize this by looking at Waver but like the point of it all. is to care about other people. Like the whole point is caring about others. It’s such a rich feeling to be able to care about others and to build bonds and connections and to be appreciated because you care about others and to understand that the things you provide to other people, simply because it’s you, can not be replaced. ALL OF THOSE FEELINGS about being worthless and being untalented and unskilled and needing to die because of this or that ... and comparing yourself to others don’t even fucking matter if you have people in your life who you are caring for because they care about you too and you are worth so much more than that. You are worth more than that by default because you care about others. You are worth keeping around because you are irreplaceable. Even if your skill levels aren’t up to the average or whatever your perspective is YOURS ALONE and your experience and ability to express said experience is YOURS ALONE and that uniqueness makes you valuable. We all have this inside of ourselves. 

And when I hear from my sister that she would’ve done the Exact same thing if she was in Gray’s position while Waver was saying everything he had done up till then was up to luck and not his own power, like, I just get so like. Emotional like I just think about how this is like literally because of the unconditional care that you give to someone to make sure that they grow up knowing that they can be supported EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T GROW UP WITH OR HAVE THOSE SUPPORTS YOURSELF LIKE.... LITERALLY ITS THE SAME BOAT IM IN WITH WAVER WHERE I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY LONG-TERM GOOD CONSISTENT EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FROM LIKE ROLE MODELS OR LITERALLY ANYONE!!!! and I just have to climb up this pit I’ve been left in with my own power and if anything happens to me to change my situation it FEELS like I’ve done nothing and it was just luck. Like it was just happenstance, it was out of my control. But that’s not true and there are choices that I’ve made for myself too. Like it all just. Hi. I’m Rose. I’d like to sit down and have coffee with you sometime and chat about what it’s like to be a mentor in our respective positions. 

[mmmmulbery]

Cater halloween ssr spoilers under the cut but its just me thinking about the halloween ssr translations ive seen!! Actually just Cater bc i was gonna talk about jade and then i realized it was already too long: moru rambles about family and found family

OMG it works @ taku o wise sage thank u

Anyways so

Cater who looks at diasomnia, thinks "so they're family- thats what family is" and then gets a call from trey and hears about the current going ons with hearts and he gets his joy back, a little bit [even if its bittersweet because next year, he'll be leaving again] but he's found family, he really has!! Adeuce being dumbasses makes me so undeniably happy as well

And how trey just calls him over n well, he doubts in cater but also seems to tease him possibly? Have to... Check caters sprite on that.. Maybe... But aside from that they are family in their own messy way and thats what hearts is

They may not have the same bonds as diasomnia, nor the strenght in which they all rely on malleus, malleus who lets his guard down to the others and apologizes [i cant tell bc im still on that the endorphin rush but it may be a foil scene to riddle for mal] and cater sees this from His perspective and

Oh hes scared of losing them, he really is- its going to be fourth year soon, he knows that and its so bittersweet because finally they have this - this warmth in heartslabyul - its something they can genuinely call family whether cater has acknowledged it yet or not

Also another note that lilia specifies to malleus that They are Not blood related, but still family RIGHT before it switches to heartslabyul? And god does the hearts found family make me happy because you can almost see and hear it happening, [im sure cater can picture whats going on too, judging from his reactions]

ANOTHER note that when cater does doubt lilia, he really does manage to overlook the full genuine meaning behind lilias words, citing that while lilia grew up in the same place, that means he hasnt experienced rebuilding relationships but its either possible that cater doesnt exactly grasp how Old lilia really is, or that he just is disillusioned and holding onto the point that no one would understand [or should have to] understand his "worthless and meaningless feelings"

This being said, the way light music club doesnt exactly Press eachother on issues, but open up to eachother regardless and support eachother is a "family" of its own you could say

Additionally Light music club's treats are interesting, esp how lilia continually brings treats that he Knows Cater and Kalim dont enjoy

I cant believe the main theme for his ssr really was family and the relationships behind it

I wont go into detail but i dont believe cater is shown to be close with his family? If you want to cite the cinderella theory here its cinderella finding peace in her mice and small animal friends [similar to heartslabyuls theme of animal friends, but id suppose this might be stretching it a bit]

Third note all the halloween ssrs working together is really sweet and highlights all their strenghts rly well and it makes me so very happy

[clownkiwi]

my lengthy-ass post on game development and game release

yeaaaaa, ive been thinking about this for the past hour or so, and especially thinking about what my friends and other young people have talked about, i just decided to type out my feelings and thoughts about game development and game releases in terms of hyped up indie games (like silksong & deltarune chapter 2 + beyond)

but since this will be a huge post, im just gonna put it under a “read more” thing. if you wanna hear my thoughts on this, you can click the link below (this is basically comparable to a video essay ig)

but if you want a tldr, what my thoughts are is that dont give your hopes up on silksong, deltarune, & any other games releasing like very soon since you gotta take content implementation, bug testing/polishing, translations, porting, marketing, & announcements into consideration

with all that said, lets begin

so i remember talking to my friends a while ago about some of the most hyped up games release dates. you know, stuff like hollow knight: silksong or deltarune chapter 2+. especially after the updates given out by each developer/team recently, people are getting very excited to try out these games very soon this very year.

and by very soon, i mean like silksong (the full entire game) coming out THIS MONTH, and the entirety of deltarune (chapter 2 & however many chapters toby fox has planned) for THIS SUMMER IN ONE PACKAGE!!!

which, when i heard these, i thought they were all too good to be true! in fact, they’re all too good to be true. silksong DEFINITELY won’t come out this month, and i know for a Fact deltarune, the full package, won’t be out by this summer. and of course, that’s because of one thing that alot of us took for granted in terms of game development: the finalized touches.

before i go on, i just want to make this very clear: i am not a game design major. im not even in the industry. if anything, im an illustration major (currently), and all of what im gonna say is what i picked up from what other game devs have talked about and from other creative media industries (movie & tv show industry precisely). this is also really just speculation and opinionated, really the main point of this whole post is that you shouldn’t bet on silksong & deltarune coming out so soon from very easy theories and crazy misunderstandings on video game development, i am just giving out my own thoughts on when the game could possibly release (but tbf, i could be very wrong and we could get silksong out this month & the entirety of deltarune this summer. i don’t feel like we will, but it could be very possible and this whole post would be absolutely worthless)

now, i know tons of young people going into game development majors or want to be in the industry have tons of respect for the game development process. and thats good!!! im glad they have respect for the people actually making the content for the game and developing the full package. however, people usually take the finalized touches, imo, for granted more than the actual content development.

because how did people come to the conclusion about silksongs & deltarunes release date so soon???

from what i’ve heard from my friends and other people, silksong should come out this month to coincide with the anniversary of hollow knight, and because “team cherry is bad at marketing and releasing a game”

and with deltarune’s (the full package) release date, that was taking the whole game into consideration, and people’s speculation that deltarune would just be 4 chapters and that the whole thing will be released as one big package instead of episodic, despite the marketing of deltarune “chapter 1″

now, these sound a little bit reasonable. i mean, its been a while since we heard of them back in 2019 and 2018 respectively, and it makes perfect sense to release silksong on hollow knight’s anniversary and deltarune as a full game This Summer.

however, i still think that’s way too good to be true, and that’s because i took a few things into consideration: content implementation, bug fixing/polishing, translation, porting, and actually releasing the game (marketing/having the game up to a releasable state, and actually releasing the game). and to put this into my perspective, i thought about mario odyssey back in 2017

if you’re a nintendo fan like me and were hyped about the nintendo switch back in 2017, then you may remember mario odyssey and the hype around that game alone. when they revealed it back in 2017, they didn’t give a release date. a day after the reveal, mario odyssey devs came out straight and said they finished the game. the game was fully completed. however, they still didn’t give a release date, they just said that they’d spend this time polishing up the game.

and, i know it’s totally unfair to compare the polishing process between nintendo games & indie games since nintendo games are very well known for their polish, so they take more time to polish a game rather than. the next call of duty game.

however, this has given me a perspective as to how long developers spent on polishing the game. if we are to take nintendo at their word back then from when they announced they finished the game to release (which was late october 2017) then that means they spent 8-9 months alone on polish and bug fixing and maybe even translation. yes, you could have a finished game with all of the content in there, and you could feasibly release it as a switch launch title in march around the same time as breath of the wild; however, the developers didn’t feel mario odyssey was ready for release.

it wasn’t until e3 2017 when they felt proud to announce the release date for mario odyssey. this is important because that means that not only were the close to finishing the polishing & bug fixing state of the game, but that means they were done with translations and ready for marketing the game out to potential consumers. they spent who knows how long on polishing (probably anywhere between 6-9 months on polishing & bug testing alone) and they probably spent around the same amount of time on marketing the game.

now, like i said, its totally unfair to compare these two different design philosophies, as one is from a huge video game conglomerate that had years of game design vs small indie studios that only released their first game in the past decade, but let’s try to put this into perspective of silksong and deltarune

with silksong, team cherry had said they had gained new experience from hollow knight, both in terms of developing the actual games themselves and releasing them. this includes developing the game, implementing the content, and finalizing everything (from bug fixing and polishing, to marketing and releasing). and in terms of how they handled hollow knight’s original release, remember. that was their first game, they were very unsure as to how to market and release a game.

after hollow knight’s success, especially on switch, however, team cherry has gained experience as to how to finalize, market and release a game at a playable, releasable state. 

in my personal opinion, especially with what team cherrys marketing manager had said recently, the content is done. they’ve finished all the content for silksong (the base game) and are in the finalized state of implementing everything into the game. however, that doesn’t mean for sure the game will come out on february 24th, 2021 for steam, switch & ps4 & xbox one (maybe even ps5 & series x)

they still gotta add any finishing polish to the game, they still gotta find and fix any bugs in the game, and even when they’re confident on that regard, you still gotta take marketing into account and when’s the right time to release the game. and in that point of view, you can probably imagine it won’t be until another few months until we hear anything substantial about silksong

and especially seeing as how silksong is gonna be a switch exclusive at first, silksong could be as easily released as hollow knight’s switch port was released; as an announcement in a big event, and on that same day. which would mean we could get silksong out for the nintendo switch during e3 2021. however, i was only being easy, fair, and reasonably realistic with silksong. it could come out sooner than i thought, or even later than i thought.

now, with deltarune, i am definitely very unsure about how far that game is in development and when that game will release, especially since all we have to go off of is undertale, the demo (deltarune chapter 1), and what toby fox officially said for undertale’s 5th anniversary on famitsu & on his website.

first, let’s go off of the claims i’ve heard people say about how long this game will be. “deltarune will be 4 chapters long, because there are 4 seasons in a year like undertale and because delta is the greek number for 4.” while that sounds reasonable, why hasn’t toby fox given us a sure amount of chapters he has planned for the game?

especially considering that in his official update on his website he kept emphasizing “chapters” and “multiple chapters” and “chapters 3+”, and the fact he separated chapter 2 from chapter 3+. from his words alone, it sounds like chapter 2 will be released separately from the entire rest of the game??? but that could just be me, and people are most excited about chapter 2 more than anything, so really he could just be talking about the state of the whole game by including chapter 2 separately, especially considering the entirety of deltarune will be built off of chapter 2.

but besides my speculation on chapter 2, the fact he didn’t give a sure amount of chapter numbers, and he even specifically said on release readiness he put “0%”, that just doesn’t translate to “this game should be ready for release in the summer of 2021″, despite the fact that he said development on the game is going smoothly, even taking his physical state that hes in right now.

i personally think the game could be around 4-7 chapters long if he’s planning on implementing multiple chapters in the game, even though the first draft of the games story and dialogue has already been finished in september 2020. and even if we were to go off of deltarune being 4 chapters long, it still doesn’t feel right to say this game will be out this summer??

i personally think if the full game will be 4 chapters, i feel more confident in saying the full 4 chapter game will be out by this upcoming holiday season at the earliest, and if not then, the latest would be somewhere in the first half of 2022. and if it won’t be 4 chapters long like im guessing it would, then it could be released even later than expected. again, i’m basing this off of words taken straight from toby fox’s mouth in september 2020, things couldve obviously changed since then and i could be very wrong about when this game will come out.

but i know for a fact deltarune wont fully be released this summer, they still gotta develop the later chapters and put this game into a full package or release it episodically (even though people are confident that the game will be released in one package, i haven’t heard toby fox officially say anything about how the game will be released, just how the game has been developed so far), which of course is taking polishing/bug fixes into account, and marketing as well

i know for a fact polishing & bug fixes & even marketing wont take as long as nintendo games, but i do know they won’t be done very easily or quickly, and we still shouldn’t be too sure about when these games or any future game will come out

i guess that’s actually just the point of this whole post. unless its people with refuteable sources that have been spot on with predictions or it’s officially said from the mouths of these developers, then don’t bet on silksong or deltarune coming out so soon because of rumors or speculation

i could even be wrong about everythign that i’ve just said. im not a game major, like i said, so silksong could probably come out on february 24th, 2021, and maybe deltarune will come out this summer. i’m very sure it isn’t, but i could be wrong and know nothing about the game development process, and really toby fox’s team & team cherry are game development gods, and i’m surprised nintendo hasn’t bought them out by now so they could release splatoon 3, mario odyssey 2, mario galaxy 3, the diamond and pearl remakes, and metroid prime 4 right now /s

but yea, like i said, don’t count on silksong & deltarune coming out so soon, and maybe take the final stages of development and marketing and releasing more realistically rather than overlooking them and making unsubstantiated claims based off of speculation

[gerudospiriit]

One of the Lucky Ones

A Chrimbus Prezzie for @royallunatiic that I adored writing for her! <3

Basically a thing about Vegeta I’ve been entertaining in the back of my mind for several months. It’s a lot of things and very centralized in Vegeta’s head and feelings and oof. It focuses on canon and non-canon moments and kinda explores themes with Vegeta’s character I feel get overlooked inside and outside of canon material. It is also based on a mix Lau’s (royallunatiic’s) hcs and my own. I wouldn’t call it a retelling but more of a change in perspective that delves into darker themes surrounding Vegeta.

As a fair warning for others that might choose to read: this fic includes violence, gore, abuse, harsh language, some sexual content, mentions of depression, and probably things that people who hold canon as the Holy Grail will not like. It is a very rose colored glasses off kind of read. There is probably something in this that everyone won’t like but that’s the beauty of things, isn’t it? And this IS about Vegeta so :3

Also, side note, some of the formatting got lost between here and google docs and im too lazy to go through and try to fix that, so unfortunately some italic emphasis within the bulk of it will be lost, rip.

Most importantly, I hope this lives up to the hype, Lau! <3

Vegeta raised a white-gloved hand to his scouter, options flashing across red glass until he settled on the general’s name and scouter number. “Nappa, what is our estimated time of arrival?”

Several seconds of silence passed, the prince’s temper flaring a centigrade more with each impatient tap of his foot on the pod’s floor. Just as he clenched his jaw and prepared to snap at the other Saiyan and more forcefully request the information he sought, his scouter beeped followed by the unmistakable grumble of the man who served to raise him in lieu of a biological parent. 

“Let’s see…” Vegeta rolled his eyes when he heard Nappa yawn. How the large Saiyan stayed comfortable crammed into the tiny space pods even with the help of the pod’s assisted stasis setting baffled him. Less than half the other man’s size, Vegeta struggled to rest for any proper amount of time no matter his level of exhaustion or the length of the trip. Nothing a usual plague of similarly themed nightmares helped. Years of getting used to it was the usual spiel the general gave when the prince cared enough to question him. “Twelve hours, give or take. Twelve hours before we get to take revenge for Raditz and destroy that damn mud ball.”

Vegeta grunted in response. He could have laughed at their cover to keep anyone listening in on their conversations from knowing their true objective. Neither Saiyan cared to avenge their fallen comrade, Saiyan or not. Raditz foolishly set off to find his weakling of a brother and got himself killed. If such lowly warriors could best him, he was a waste of space and resources. Good riddance; Vegeta had no time for coddling the third class fool, anyway. They had Dragonballs to secure and immortality only suited the strong. To overthrow and kill an all-powerful tyrant, he would only suffer the company of the very greatest warriors.

“Very well. Rest up, Nappa. We can’t afford any mistakes.”

“Don’t tell me these Earthling’s got you scared,” the general scoffed, the creak of leather sounding as he shifted in his seat. “Raditz’s power level didn’t hold a candle to ours. We’ll blow ‘em all away, no trouble, a year of training or not. And without Kakarot, it will be a cinch. In and out, just like we planned.”

Vegeta snarled. “Watch your tongue, Nappa. I’d sooner fear Cui than a lowly Earthling.” He hoped the bastard heard that. Or that Frieza did and would relay the message to amuse himself with the soldier’s rage. “They are at least clever enough to gang up on Raditz. I would hate to see you meet your end over stupidity.”

“Fat chance.”

If Nappa had anything else to say, Vegeta missed it. He had switched his scouter off to take his own advice. Or try. His anticipation to achieve immortality, to finally avenge his people and end Frieza once and for all. Kept his mind from shutting down. To take back what was promised to him, what was rightfully his. For his own, personal revenge for the abuse and embarrassment he endured under his rule. As little more than a slave. Jaw tense at the memories, he closed his eyes. 

His nerves went into overdrive as the door slid shut behind him, the fur of his tail standing on end at his waist. A request for an audience with Frieza never bode well in past experiences. It usually meant a beating or other form of degradation in front of his cronies or for his own sick amusement. And with the weight of his planet and his race perishing still heavy on his heart and mind...what more could Frieza say or do to him?

Before he could kneel or greet the tyrant, Frieza turned from his locked view of the passing stars to the young Saiyan rooted a few feet in front of the door, trying his best to keep the hollowness he felt in his chest from his gaze. In front of Nappa and Raditz, he had tried to remain aloof. Stunned by the suddenness with a hint of anger at cruel fate and be the strong leader he now had no choice but to be to them. They answered to him, not his father. Not any more.

“Ah, Vegeta! Such shocking news!” Frieza threw his free hand in the air to complement the dramatic flare in his voice. He set the glass of wine he clutched in the other on the nearest surface and floated toward him, reptilian feet meeting tile before the Saiyan. “My condolences, of course. An asteroid of all things wipes out the Saiyan race!”

Vegeta swallowed, gloved fingers curling into his palms and his tail tightening around his waist. He did not need to be aware of Frieza’s general distaste for his people to hear the mocking undertone dripping from every word. The misfortune of his race was a cause for celebration to the tyrant.

“We will move forward,” he responded robotically, straightening his posture and meeting Frieza’s wicked, crimson eyes. His mouth went dry when he saw the humor dancing in them. “We will continue to serve as we always have.”

The emperor of the universe placed his hands behind his back, contemplating. Searching for ways to toy with the boy like a predator who had cornered its prey. “Spoken like a true prince with so much responsibility suddenly on his shoulders.” He sighed, the latter portion of his tail idly striking the tiled floor. “Such a shame to lose so many monk--I mean, soldiers. Their lives are irreplaceable.”

Rage burned hotter in his hollowed out body. It danced on his tongue and clawed at his jaw, desperately trying to pry his mouth open to retort or spit in his face or simply scream. Anything but the fear-soaked silence that pervaded. What did he have to lose? Everything he had been promised--his kingdom, his people, his planet--had all been obliterated. Dying now would grant him mercy. But the fighter in him, the angry, scorned warrior, screamed louder. He screamed for blood. For vengeance. He was young, but he didn’t believe that asteroid story. It stank worse than Nappa after a long day of training in the wastes back home. And this performance, this farcical show of compassion, only fueled such suspicions.

“Come now. Don’t look so glum, Vegeta. After all...” Frieza rested a clawed hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Tight. “You’re one of the lucky ones.”

No, no, no.

This had to be another nightmare.

Vegeta clung to the last dregs of consciousness his weakened state would allow in order to type the coordinates--any coordinates--to what he hoped would land him at a base to get patched up. His hand shook over the buttons, and his vision doubled and tripled while trying to make sense of the screen. Blood trickled down his forehead and off the tip of his nose. Every inch of him screamed in agony. A few more seconds of focus...that's all he needed….

He fell back once he thought he counted enough characters punched in, gritting his teeth as the careless motion jolted a new bolt of pain through his body. Obsidian eyes hooded, he watched the stars, asteroids, and planets whizz by in a blur through slitted gaze. He felt his consciousness fading, his mind replaying the bad dream Earth had turned to in a jumbled chronology of events. The fight with Kakarot, how the third class stood up to his every attack. That damn brat and his bald friend and the fat one interfering. Cutting off his damn tail. Squeezing the life out of that clown in his Oozaru form. Saibamen and the joy of watching those worms struggle against them and Nappa when they wouldn't give them the Dragonballs. The brat transforming. Nappa's blood on his hands for his failure. The bald one sparing him.

Spared. Not victorious. Not immortal. Broken. Beaten. Bloody. And spared by a worthless third rate warrior and his weakling friends. The great Prince Vegeta bested by a troupe of circus performers. He could have laughed at the absurdity of it all if he had the breath and fortitude for it. Pride damaged, a small part of him hoped his battered brain had typed the coordinates in wrong. Dump him off on some random planet to die alone with what little dignity he had left. Let his race perish once and for all with him. Kakarot was no Saiyan. He did not deserve the warrior blood that roared in his veins. He was an Earthling. He barely knew what it meant to be a Saiyan. The hardships he had faced. How it felt to lose everything.

Kakarot. His bloody fingers twitched as the name of that fool spun around his mind in a taunting sing-song like some sick nursery rhyme. Yet. He didn't know that feeling yet. Sparing him was the biggest mistake those Earthlings could make. He would make Kakarot suffer. He would kill each of his friends one by one in front of him. Slow. Grueling. Starting with the fat one that robbed him of his tail. Then, he would kill Kakarot. No. He would spare Kakarot. Beat him to a gurgling mess of blood and broken bones and destroy his planet with him on it. Yes, that would do nicely.

First things first: immortality. Namek. Frieza. Then, Kakarot. 

Quaking hand rose to his scouter. He sent out a distress signal. Just in case.

He convinced Nappa to let him out of his sight with relative ease and bored Raditz with some excuse about checking out the moons of the planet for vegetation types to keep him from tagging along to leave the planet they were ordered to recon alone and undisturbed. The assignment was close to the coordinates of his home planet, committed to memory in his youth. After nearly a decade, the close proximity tugged at an emotion he couldn't place. Deeper than curiosity but darker than nostalgia. A need to put to rest his doubt and disbelief, and affirm it had not all been a cruel joke Frieza played on him all these years. 

Though, as his pod flew ever closer to his destination, a dim hope flickered in the buried part of him that still mourned and despaired over the fall of his race. For that reason, he kept his eyes closed, the vision of his home planet painted on the inside of his eyelids. Until the pod slowed, and the change in motion coerced the Saiyan Prince's eyes open to see…

To see nothing. Nothing but stars and space dust.

He didn't know how long he stared, or how many times he cancelled his pod's attempts to reroute him to a place for a proper landing when the current coordinates yielded nothing solid. His chest tightened, his throat and eyes burned as he rested a gloved hand on the red glass of the pod. Tears poured from his obsidian eyes as his fingers curled into his palm and he banged his fist against the window. Gone. All gone. He had known it all along, hadn't he? What did he really expect to find out here? 

He buried his face in his hands with a shuddering breath, sliding them back into his hair before letting them fall limply at his side. He couldn't deny it now; Planet Vegeta had been obliterated along with everyone on it. Reduced to no more than space matter idly drifting among the stars. In that moment, even his memories of his youth seemed to join them as any attempt to recall them left him numb.

Another request to reroute to the nearest planet echoed too loudly in his ears. Vegeta spared the empty vacuum where his home once lay one last glance before inputting the coordinates to the planet he and the others had been assigned.

Vegeta switched off the ship’s gravity controls soon after touchdown on the long forgotten planet he had chosen for training. The gradual shift from 450 times the Earth’s gravity back to normal levels welcome after hours of pushing through the training drills. He gripped the console to steady himself and hunched over as he caught his breath, sweat dripping from his visage and pooling between switches and buttons. Every muscle, every fiber of his body ached from the strain of training at the high level of gravity. So much so that just a twitch of his fingers depleted far more energy than anything should. He slammed his fist down on the control panel and straightened up. He had no time to rest. He had to push himself, push through the pain and strain and keep going. He was running out of time. He needed to become a Super Saiyan no matter the cost.

Measured steps carried him to the bag he had packed. He rummaged around and pulled out a fresh set of armor. He tore off the sweat drenched rags his training reduced the current set to and tossed it aside, replacing it with the clean suit and chest armor. He ignored the toll the simple action took on him and yanked his boots and gloves on. He punched the button and released the door hatch to descend onto the planet’s surface. Away from the distractions of Earth, the planet that had become his chosen prison. He had to stay close to his prey, keep his enemies close. Make this unexpected resurrection count.

His second chance at life had begun with sucking in dirt before rising out of a shallow grave. Followed by witnessing a third-class warrior fill the slot in his race's history meant for him. Vegeta had stared up into a tumultuous sky as the very planet beneath his boots breathed its last breaths, erupting and quaking as a greater power threatened its very core. Awestruck, the Saiyan prince watched legend become reality. Kakarot had achieved what most wrote off as legend, aglow in gold, hair and eyes changed from dark hues to light: a Super Saiyan in the flesh. And he faced off with Frieza. Would soon kill Frieza. Both milestones he promised himself and only fit for the last living Saiyan royal. The clown snatched his birthright and vengeance for all he and his people suffered under Frieza from him in the span of hours.

The realization only settled after the whirlwind of astonishment, initial pride in the irony of a Saiyan ending Frieza, and momentary swell of invincibility with the idea of being back on top with Kakarot and Frieza both dead suddenly switched direction and whipped him into the nearest wall. The damned fool survived after all, according to those bumbling Earthlings. His mood tanked, and something akin to panic intertwined with his rage: what now? Where did he go from here?

Immortality didn't strike his fancy anymore when living forever seemed worse than death, the easy way of winning. He could cross Frieza off; he couldn't kill a dead man. That left Kakarot and his friends. He could kill the latter whenever he chose, the only one posing a possible challenge being the Namekian. But what use was that when he could not stand up to Kakarot's retaliation? The fool had thrown his whole plan off kilter! Stole everything promised to him and made him look like a fool! The Saiyan Prince would not--could not--be bested by this low class a third time. Kakarot would die by his hand, that would not change. But he needed to train first, achieve Super Saiyan and do it better. 

And so he trained. Day and night until he flirted with death. Haunted by the image of Super Saiyan Kakarot battling Frieza on a dying planet. The memory of sensing that power for the first time seemed stamped on his ki perception, a power that threatened to bring him to his knees. Bitterness, vengeance, and rage surged him onward, a man possessed. Driven by an ever present need to take his place as the most powerful being in the universe. 

And yet, despite all that, he remained unchanged. Stronger, certainly. But he still lacked the key to transformation, and that only ignited his fury further. What did that buffoon have that he lacked? How? The singular word bounced around his brain like the simulated ki blasts of his training program. What was the secret? Time ticked down until these androids meant to doom them all arrived. He refused to die to some mechanical monstrosities, not before he got his chance to prove once and for all that he was the superior warrior. 

They would serve as a testament to his strength. His ascension to legendary status. But he had to get there first.

The sky above him raged in a violent storm, lightning streaking the dark at intervals of mere milliseconds. The air around him surged with power, a reflection of the intense wrath that blazed within him. The ground shook from the force of the accompanying thunder, rattled his very being to the core. He felt awakened, his previous exhaustion forgotten as a new wave of invigoration overpowered it. 

So his training began. Unencumbered. Uninhibited. Free of the petty distractions that interrupted him on Earth. Until the meteors threatened his ship. Fine. A new training exercise. He zipped through the shower, punching and blasting his way through the chunks of space rock with precision and finesse. The warm up, he found, when a meteor half the size of the planet entered the atmosphere, parting the clouds in a fiery cascade. The Saiyan prince soared upward, confident when his previous employment required him to destroy entire planets on a whim. He pulled his arm back, energy building in his palm before he shot it toward the meteor. Though, instead of resulting in an explosion, the behemoth swallowed the light, only spraying a few chunks of matter from its surface. Another blast. A barrage of them. Still it inched closer to his only means to escape this planet. His training had left him too drained. This damn rock was going to strand him there on that empty planet. No! He wouldn’t let that happen!

Mustering every last ounce of energy he could, he pulled both hands up to his head, the back of his right hand pressed into his left palm. Purple energy built around him and in his hands. “Galick Gun, fire!” With all he had left, he shot the violet energy through his hands toward the encroaching meteor, energy bursting from his palms and striking it at near point blank range. The explosion shot him straight toward the planets surface, his used up body crashing through rock formation after rock formation before slamming into the ground.

Immense pain and the ringing in his ears were all he could register as he lay prostrate in the wide crater for countless minutes. He cracked his eyes open, squinting at the lightning streaked sky above him. He needed to move, to ensure his efforts yielded success. He pushed up with his elbows, snarling as pain ripped through him, and he shifted to his knees and dragged himself to the edge of the crater. He stretched his hand out on level ground and hoisted his upper half from the hole; it was all he could manage. The Prince of all Saiyan’s reduced to crawling, clawing his way out of a crater. Too weak to best a meteor and stay on his feet. How fucking pathetic.

Vegeta beat his bruised and bloody fist on the stone ground, the guttural growl growing in volume with each pound to echo the thunder rolling around him. How many more times did he have to fail? He failed his own race, and then couldn’t even take proper revenge for their murder. He failed Nappa and Raditz, no matter how damn weak they were. At this point, what made him any better? Kakarot bested him, too. Isn’t that why he killed Nappa? Because the bumbling idiot couldn’t even kill an Earth-raised, third rate Saiyan? Even a damn kid from the future had surpassed him! The Prince of all Saiyans! He who had been promised the universe and then some by his damnable father! What did he have to show for it? For all the pain and abuse and training? Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. He had been reduced to buying his time on a planet he should have just destroyed upon landing, surrounded by the very idiots that began his streak of shitty luck!

What had Frieza told him? “You’re one of the lucky ones.” Ha! At that moment, he would bet the universe got off on shooting him down and kicking him in the ribs.

He bowed his head as tears of rage and shame filled his eyes, though his gut boiled fiercely. He forced himself onto his feet, stumbling a step before regaining his balance. Nothing. The word echoed in his ears, roaring in the thunder as it answered the lightning. He had nothing left. Had lost it all long ago, but he refused to admit it to himself. And suddenly...everything that had driven him the past three years meant nothing. He didn’t care about Kakarot or killing him or surpassing him. He didn’t care if he left this planet. He didn’t even care if he lived. How long had he walked on borrowed time? His second chance at life was a damn joke, a literal accident, extra time for the universe to taunt him for his failings. 

Vegeta’s heart pounded in his ears, beating on his sternum like a war drum. The rest of the world fell silent around him as his rage exploded. Pure power rushed through his body and he tilted his head back to bellow his fury into the void of space above. Blinding light flared from his form and burst with a planet-quaking boom. 

Consciousness flooded back like a sea’s tide, the area around him now illuminated in a golden glow. A glow that originated from him. He raised his hands and flexed them before balling them into fists. Such power. It felt incredible. Endless. Roiling throughout every ounce of his being. His shoulders shook as laughter rumbled in his chest and finally burst from his mouth. He took to the air and shot through the angry sky, admiring his speed. He destroyed mountains as he whizzed by them, each target bigger than the last. If he didn’t need the ship, he would have destroyed the planet itself just to see how easy his new power made it.

Landing near the ship (still intact, surprisingly), he powered down, acutely aware of the toll it took on him. He would have to fix that, master the form and improve upon it. It felt surreal, like he would wake up at any moment. But he knew better. He knew he only had nightmares.

He had truly done it. He had become a Super Saiyan.

“Well, I guess there really is a first time for everything.”

Vegeta didn’t care if the bartender’s comment was meant for him or merely the young woman musing aloud; he kept his attention on the drink sitting in the open space within his crossed arms on the polished wood. He could still hear the vapid giggling of the two women as they trotted to the elevator at the back of the room, clinging on the arms of his charmed comrades. It was nothing new to the prince, especially on obvious busy work like this meant to keep them out of Frieza’s line of sight for a little while. Until he needed them again. Everyone knew years of mining and drilling by the Cold’s forces had sucked this planet dry of any valuable resources. The inhabitants ranged from an occasional surprising street fighter to abysmally weak, and very few even knew how to control Ki. The bulk of Frieza’s force there had already evacuated, sent on more fruitful endeavors for the empire. At best, this planet would be made a base, and the inhabitants would have to continue to live with Frieza’s soldiers. But, this far out, Vegeta wasn’t that optimistic.

A misstep had earned them this pointless assignment on the edges of Frieza’s claim to the universe, and they were given three days to complete a full recon and report, not counting travel time. Peeved and annoyed with the gall Frieza had to assign them busy work, even Vegeta agreed that, after finishing up the assignment in just over a day, they could use the remainder of their second day to use as they saw fit and send the report in on the morning of their third day. For Raditz and Nappa, that typically meant booze, food, and fucking whoever would have them. For Vegeta, he would likely find a space to train at his leisure. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a group of three or more men not break out into a fight over my sisters’ company. Unless you’re just not into women...I suppose I shouldn’t assume…”

Obsidian eyes finally slid over to the woman, and, in comparison to her siblings, he understood why she would not appeal to the masses as easily as her sisters. Shorter and more plainly dressed in a shabby-looking, moss green jacket (the bar blocked the rest of his view of her outfit), she appeared to prefer avoiding attention rather than grabbing it. Two, beaded braids framed her face while the rest of her tawny hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, the same braids appearing intermittently throughout. She lacked the nearing gaudy makeup her sisters donned, and freckles dotted her lightly sun-kissed cheeks and the bridge of her slightly misshapen nose. A preference for the outdoors, perhaps, if not natural. The long ears inherent of her race jutted out from the side of her face, and he noticed the rose color dusting their tips.

“Your sisters aren’t my type,” he said finally, in hopes of shutting her up. She seemed to be the type to talk more when nervous. If she didn’t continue to ramble, he could at least take some solace in the fact that her voice held a more mellow timbre than the near screech of her sisters’.  He picked up his drink and took a hearty gulp. Supposedly the strongest they had, but he knew he would need to drink these all day to even earn a buzz. 

He heard her hum and he thought she might take the hint and busy herself with cleaning the counter or glasses. Something other than making small talk with him. Wishful thinking.

“I would ask what your type is, then, but I’m going to assume you won’t answer that.” He offered her a grunt in response, though he couldn’t stop himself from casting her another glance, as if her unasked question reflexively piqued his curiosity to check if she fit such a bill (not that he really knew his type, anyway; he didn’t care to figure it out, but he always knew what wasn’t). The only features he would consider striking in her face were her eyes, an unusual shade of shimmering silver he could not recall ever witnessing. “You’re Frieza’s soldiers, right? You and your friends?”

He fixed her with a glare, insulted, but unsure of how to correct her first: the Prince of all Saiyans answered to no one unless he wanted to and he would never refer to Nappa or Raditz as a friend. However, in an attempt to avoid more pointless conversation and seem interested in talking to her, he replied with a growled, “Yes,” and drained his glass.

“So, you can fight, then?”

Vegeta slid the glass across the bar toward her--which she expertly caught, much to his surprise considering the suddenness and speed--and rose to his feet. A stupid question, and he was sure she knew it. He pulled the neck of his armor out to fish out his pay chip, intent on paying for his drink and making a hasty exit, and slapped it down on the bar.

The woman retrieved his chip, but made no immediate move to run it. “Um, this is going to sound like an odd question but would you spar with me? I need the practice…” Silver eyes darted to the tapping of his fingers on the wood, and she rushed to the terminal behind her. She returned and offered the chip back to him. However, when he reached out for it, she snatched it out of his reach. She didn’t flinch when he growled; she expected an answer.

The Saiyan prince lifted a hand to his scouter, but it hung in midair. A habit to check a prospective opponent’s power level. He lowered it again. His tongue wrapped around a haughty rejection, but held it firmly in his mouth. Such a strange request when none that he surveyed on the planet could touch even the lowliest of Frieza’s men, and most showed no signs of any fighting prowess besides. He doubted she was much different, but his boredom and curiosity convinced him to humor her. If she had the guts to challenge him, he could grant her the satisfaction of understanding just how grave her mistake was.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

Her eyes widened; she obviously expected him to refuse. A show of sharp canines in an annoyed snarl reanimated her. She slapped the chip back into his waiting palm and darted toward a door off the bar, tearing the apron from her waist and shrugging out of her jacket as she went. Vegeta tucked his pay chip away as she shouted into the next room that she was going out. She slammed the door before whoever was behind it could protest and joined him on the other side of the bar. Unencumbered by the bar and her jacket, he saw that she wore a baggy pair of pants that matched her jacket in color and a pair of boots common in style on the planet. The white shirt turned out to be a tank top that clung to her body and bore a strip of her midriff, accentuating toned arms and abdomen. Heat rose in his cheeks when his mind registered that she was...shaplier in the chest area than the jacket allowed onlookers to guess. He turned on his heel quickly to preserve his pride and class.

“Great! I know a place not far from here. Nice and open and people don’t usually hang around there.” The woman followed him outside and, before he could ask if she could fly, her feet left the dust-riddled street and she took off. He huffed and flew after her, catching up with ease. She could use ki. That at least meant this spar might scratch the surface of interesting, at least. 

“I am surprised you can leave your bar unattended on a whim, even in a backwater town like that one. Is business truly that slow?”

“My parents will handle it,” she responded shortly, her attention set in front of her. “They own the place, anyway. They’re lucky I give enough of a shit about my sisters to stick around, help out, and protect them, and they know that. They sure as hell never do it. Besides, they probably think I’m off to earn money, anyway, so of course they’re not going to question it.”

Vegeta had his suspicions about the two women when they fluttered over to the trio upon entering. His icy demeanor spurned them immediately, but Nappa and Raditz welcomed their flirtations without qualm. He heard their whispers and the exchange of terms through their giggles; he had tagged along to enough brothels to understand their inner workings, no matter how low key and whether he participated or not. However, he could not recall any where parents pimped out their children. Such vile beings this universe hosted…

They touched down in an open field, the patches of green within the nearly dried up landscape the most he had seen in miles. “Do you plan to charge me for this spar then, woman?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest. A slight smirk curled his lips. “Do you charge per punch landed? Extra for using ki?”

Her brows lowered and corners of her lips dipped downward as she stretched an arm over her chest. “You like to hear yourself talk after all, don’t you?” She snorted and switched limbs. “Obviously, I knock out or kill those who agree to spar with me and rob them blind. Requires much less calculation.”

He might have believed her if he hadn’t caught the quiver of her lips in a flash of a smile. “Ha! Well, I think you’ll find I’m much more difficult to take down. But, if you can, I’ll give you every bit of currency I have to my name.”

“Great, I’ve been eyeing a new pair of boots.” 

She sprang forward before the last word could register meaning in the Saiyan’s mind, punches and kicks flying in a flurry of speed he did not expect. He dodged them without issue, his arms remaining folded, and allowed his focus to gauge her skill level. Quick. Unpolished but confident and strong swings, suggesting she taught herself to some degree and had enough success. The ever lessening presence of her smirk further suggested the latter; she was not used to having this much trouble.

Finally, Vegeta allowed an easily dodged uppercut to connect with the underside of his chin, a test of her strength, how hard she could hit. His head snapped back, the point of contact smarting and his teeth ringing from the impact. He expected her to celebrate her small victory, but she proved him wrong. A sweep of her leg sent him skidding several feet from where he stood. He only just recovered before she attacked again. Fine, she proved clever enough. Though a piss poor strategy like wearing her opponent out wouldn’t work on him.

He ducked beneath a fist aimed for his face and caught her ankle as she attempted to follow up with a kick. He responded to her surprised gasp with a rumbling chuckle of his own. “Not bad. But I’m not just some urchin you picked a fight with off the street.”

Vegeta tugged the woman forward, taking advantage of her lack of balance, and sidestepped. He shoved and elbow hard into her spine and sent her sprawling face first into the dust. “Hmph, if that’s all you have to offer, fly home. I don’t waste time with weaklings.”

She pushed off her hands and twisted at the waist to shoot a wave of lavender ki straight for his face. He bent back to avoid it, the heat brushing past his face before he heard it explode in the cliff face behind them. His smirk widened when he found her back on her feet and charging him again. He dodged and blocked her blows once more, but he noted the significant boost in her speed and strength. Good, she was taking this seriously now. He had given her an immediate understanding of what kind of opponent she dealt with, and she rose with that challenge. Respectable, even if her power level only ranked among the middle levels of Frieza’s ranks.

Their spar continued on much the same way: Vegeta allowed her to punch, kick, and toss ki blasts his way to her heart’s content, then he would return a few blows and knock her away. Each time, she came back stronger, faster, more determined to level the playing field no matter how wide the gap between them or the blood and bruises on her body from his strikes. An admirable warrior in her own right. She impressed him, as far as the denizens of this doomed planet went.

As the daylight began to fade, the sky dyed various hues of burning orange, he noticed each time she fell, she took a few seconds longer to rise up again. Finally, a kick to her side sent her sailing sideways and skidding along the ground. Her body slammed into the bottom of the cliff, and she laid motionless for several seconds. Just when he thought he had knocked her unconscious or her body had finally given out, he heard her groan and flip over from her side to her back, a grin on her face.

“Alright, that’s it. I give in.” She forced herself to a sitting position, expression contorting in pain with every miniscule motion. “You win. But you knew you would this whole time, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did.” He cocked his head to either side, stretching the tendons in his neck. Their spar hadn’t been the most productive for him, but it hadn’t bored him either. A rarity, even with those meant to be on his skill level. “You surprised me. I would have never guessed anyone on this planet could even come close to the level you’ve achieved.”

She shifted to face him and swept her forearm over her face to rid it of sweat, blood, and grime. “It was actually a Saiyan that inspired me to learn to fight, even if I had to teach myself. I was little, but I watched a Saiyan woman fight off another of Frieza’s soldiers when he wouldn’t leave her alone. It was eye-opening when I was taught all along that women didn’t fight. Not respectable ones at least.” She shrugged a shoulder and rolled it for a stretch and Vegeta grunted; too many societies he had come into contact with believed similarly. He found it pathetic and ridiculous. “I couldn’t turn down the chance to fight one, to test myself. It’s been ages since I’ve seen another Saiyan…”

“That’s because we’re the last three.” The admission tumbled from his lips before he could stop them, and he scowled. He usually did not correct anyone ignorant of his people’s fate, kept his comments to himself when some merchant or whore wondered aloud about the last time they did business with a Saiyan. And yet, this woman had him yapping about something so personal without even trying. Must be the lack of food. When had he eaten last? That morning?

The woman’s face fell. “O-oh...I-I’m--”

“Save it.” Vegeta stomped over to her and stuck out his hand, the suddenness causing her to flinch back. She took it and he pulled her to her feet, a little rougher than he initially intended, though, if it bothered her, she said nothing. He released her hand. “Where is the best place for food here? Everything I’ve tried here tastes like molten garbage.”

“Well, there’s really not much left, as I’m sure you noticed.” She dusted herself off and pulled the strap of her tank top back into its proper place. “But...you’re welcome to stay at my place for the night. If you want. It’s quieter than the hotel, that’s for sure, more comfortable, too. Many of the rooms there haven’t been cleaned in quite a while, if you want the honest truth. My parents have yet to hire new help after skimping on paying the last batch of employees, my sisters refuse to help with that sort of work, and…”

She trailed off when she noticed his pointed look, how she hadn’t answered his question. She swallowed. “And I can cook. So you’ll get food, peace, and comfort. The offer’s open so take it if you want.”

Vegeta watched her take to the sky and mulled over the offer. With how she seemed determined to chat with him, he questioned the validity of her claim to quiet. The growl of his stomach voted in favor, proposing that almost anything could beat the trash he and his cohorts had wolfed down the day before. Comfort...his mind lingered on that word, twisting it into a more lewd definition. Images of her toned, nude body beneath him among a tangle of sheets, glistening in sweat as her moans filled the air…

White energy surrounded him and he shot into the sky after her. Fine. What did he have to lose anyway? Unless Frieza felt some sort of sentimental value toward this planet and those who roamed on it, she would likely be killed in the near future anyway. A shame, considering her potential. It was too bad there weren’t more like her. Enough to make her planet a worthwhile gem among the tyrant’s endless trove…

He wondered if she knew that...understood what his and his lackeys’ stay here likely meant for her and her home…

"We're getting married, Vegeta. That's final."

He swore the damn woman had an alarm on every door he frequented, from his bedroom in the guest wing to the gravity room. Perhaps on his bed, too, as he had just convinced himself to roll out of it, dress, and hole himself up in the gravity chamber to train until his body begged him to stop. He had just pulled the door open and there she stood, scowling and balancing her brat on her hip. The kid seemed unfazed by the aggravation in her voice, more intent on sucking his thumb.

Vegeta gripped the doorframe, the only thing to keep him from shoving her out of the way and continuing on his way. He had spent months away after Cell's defeat, once more a man lost and unsure of his purpose. His pride in tatters when even Kakarot's brat had surpassed him. Those days remained a blur in his memory as he worked through his rage until it fizzled out and he had nothing left to fuel him. Hollowed out, unfeeling, unmotivated. One moment he wanted to steal the woman's father's ship, blast off into space and challenge every powerful warrior he could find to validate his own strength. Take over the Cold empire as he was meant to. In the end, that all felt pointless. A set up for another string of unfortunate failures. Thus, he settled on the only thing that felt familiar, the only thing that brought even the remotest sense of contentment for him: training. Even if it meant suffering the woman and her worthless friends.

"Hello! Earth to Vegeta! Did you hear a word I said?" Bulma swapped the half asleep child to her other hip. "I know you decided to disappear on me and your child for months, but surely that didn't affect your hearing!"

He wished it had, her shrill shrieks unfriendly to sensitive ears and already threatening a pounding headache. "I heard you, woman," he growled, making to shove forward only for her to shift in front of him. Marriage to a weak Earth woman who could not even fight...he could hear his ancestors laughing in Hell. The only attributes she possessed he would consider remotely worthwhile were her decent looks and intellect when it came to technology. Nothing marriageable about her to a true Saiyan. Not to mention her obvious desire for Kakarot no matter how she tried to hide it. In his time there, he found Earth's ideals, especially those surrounding marriage and mating, starkly differed from those of Saiyans. And not for the better. They craved companionship and what they called love as the highest goals in their lives. They would set aside everything for it, change themselves for it, no matter how long or hard they worked to achieve whatever goals they had before. Saiyans rarely married, even his parents married as a mere show of power, the Saiyan King with their most powerful, accomplished, and terrifying general. They mated when they chose, and if a brat resulted from it, it didn't always mean they stuck around as a pair. Here he found, that was taboo. Unacceptable and improper.

"And just why do you think I would want to marry the likes of you?" he asked, hoping a thinly veiled insult would upset her and send her crying to her parents or that beta male she still fucked around with.

His words only deepened her glare and she stood her ground. "Are you kidding me?" She pointed at the brat, now babbling and tugging on the neckline of her shirt. "You knocked me up, you creep! It's the right thing to do, and you owe me and Trunks at least that!"

"Because you weren't throwing yourself at me the moment the damn Namek dragon sent us all back to Earth." He could insult her, belittle her, nearly kill her friends, treat her like utter trash and order her around like a damn servant day in and day out and she still flirted and tried to bed him. The meaner he was, the hornier it made her. Of course he caved eventually; he had needs, too. He hadn't even thought of impregnating her, his bestial instincts begging him for release in more carnal avenues and blinding him to the possibility in the moment. He stupidly forgot their races were even genetically compatible. She wanted to fuck, he needed release; the answer was simple at the time. "I don't owe you shit, woman, now get the hell out of my way before I force you out of the way."

"After I let you live, eat, and train here for free, you really think you don't owe me anything? I don't think you've ever even said thank you!" 

Vegeta rolled his eyes. He had had enough of her shit for another few months. He shoved forward only to be blocked again. His temper flared, hackles rising in warning. 

Bulma merely scoffed. "You need to man up, Vegeta. Own up to your 'mistakes'," she huffed and yanked a strand of her hair out of the child's clutches before he could stick it in his mouth. "I'm going to be straight with you since no one else--not even yourself--will. Your entitled, cocky prince act was cute at first, but it got old real quick. Your outbursts and temper tantrums are childish. Newsflash, Vegeta! You're not even a prince anymore! Your planet and people are gone, and the few left would never bow to you! You're not royalty, and no one will ever treat you like it! Get over it and stop acting like a baby. You have a child now, I'm going to be your wife, and you're going to learn to live here like a responsible, normal person!"

Had she spewed this drivel a few months, a few years ago, he might have blasted her where she stood for her disrespect. The emptiness inside him kept him from caring about her stupid opinions, her expectations of him, the grains of truth in her prattle. He did not care if she thought him a "real man." He did not even care that she insulted his title, his bloodline, or attacked a sensitive subject she could not begin to understand the gravity of. But the attack on his pride as a Saiyan, to order him to conform to her idealistic model of normalcy and perform the part of the happy husband and father, roles he didn't care to fill with the likes of her...that threatened to put her through the wall she stood in front of.

"That's rich coming from a spoiled brat like you," he snarled. She didn't know shit about him and she didn't try either. Why the hell would he want to bond himself with a woman like her? His dark eyes found her blue ones, the darkness in him bubbling to the surface. "Say one more word to me today and I'll rip your voice box from your throat."

This time, Bulma stepped back, her spine meeting the wall as she swallowed. He could smell her fear, no matter how little her stubborn frown wavered. He huffed and moved past her, stomping toward the glass doors at the end of the hall that would lead him onto the manicured lawn still drenched in the morning dew. 

"How typical! Hear something you don't like and you throw a fit! Solve all your problems with violence like the ape you are!"

Vegeta halted halfway to the door. Every muscle in his body tensed as a war for control raged inside him. His mind had converted Bulma's voice to Frieza's, the slur and similar ones echoing in his skull joined by the cruel laughter that often accompanied it. One fist slammed into the wall beside him while the other clutched his head. He had to move. Get out of that damn hallway and away from the damn woman. He could hear the brat screaming from somewhere far away, his mother trying to hush him and throwing another insult his way.

He willed his feet to walk. Once outside, he shot into the sky. Away from Capsule Corp. Away from the city. He would not suffer her shit another second that day.

Glass and bone crunched beneath his boot, fresh blood further staining once ivory leather. The screams and groans of pain had subsided, the only sounds around him the crackle of flames and the occasional whistle of the wind. The scent of death and burning flesh filled his nostrils, fueling the adrenaline still pumping through his veins. 

He kicked a corpse aside--a soldier, if the armor meant anything--and tapped the button on his scouter with bloodied fingertips to perform a scan of the area. See if any unlucky fools escaped his initial razing of the planet. He had the whole assignment to himself. Nappa had protested; the planet had been in rebellion for quite some time and housed unexpectedly powerful warriors in great numbers. How even the strongest warriors could fall when outnumbered. Vegeta ignored him and threatened to toss him out an airlock if he tried to follow without his say so. It would be a worthy test of his strength, an uninhibited and untethered display of his power, if the reports had any merit.

As it turned out, they didn’t. Not that he could see.

His scouter beeped three times as it picked up a reading, the yellow characters flashing on the red glass indicating it originated behind him. Close, weakened if ever strong. Attuned ears picked up the slow approach with one foot landing heavier on the pavement than the other, a poor attempt at stealth. One left. And here he thought he had been thorough…

“You damn monster,” the lone survivor croaked behind him. Vegeta opened his eyes enough to note the surge in his power level on his scouter, a light behind him lengthening his shadow. So, he would fight to his last breath.

The Saiyan turned on his heel to face his heckler, tongue lashing out to lick gore--his or someone else’s, he didn’t know or care--from his face. The local had definitely been caught in the crossfire, armor cracked and broken, his body littered with bruises and painted with blood. He put all his weight on his right leg, the left hanging limply beside it. He held a ball of ki in his hand, though the light guttered with the fading of his energy.

“How very original,” Vegeta drawled. Terrifying speed placed him directly in front of the dying soldier. He gripped his wrist and snapped it back in a sickening crack, sending the attack meant for him jetting into space. The man howled in pain, widening the smirk the Saiyan wore.

“Y-you’re no better than him...than Frieza!”

His smirk fell into a tight frown, and his grip tightened. “You’re right.” Vegeta raised his hand level with the soldier’s face. “I’m much, much worse.”

Vegeta fired the blast at Kakarot. Point-blank range and putting him on guard with no chance for immediate retaliation. He had to be if he wanted to protect all those people spectating in the stands behind him. He watched as the force behind the energy forced him back, back, back. Until he finally had to relent and fly out of its path. Yellow light soared into the crowd and exploded through the cement structure, a path of ruin left in its wake through the city beyond. Screams of terror and anguish filled the air, a symphony to the Saiyan’s ears.

Finally. Finally he would get what he wanted, what he craved for all these years: revenge. To best Kakarot and once and for all reclaim his rightful place as the most powerful Saiyan in existence. Babadi’s magic did no more than reach into the depths of his mind, his soul, and resurrect Vegeta. Tearing the man once feared the universe over, the savage and ruthless destroyer, from the shallow, unmarked grave he himself had shoved him into. For comfort. For ease. For conformity on this wretched planet. The fingers of the wizard’s black magic plucked the pesky attachments he developed from his mind like overzealous weeds. Vegeta, the Prince of all Saiyans was whole once more, beaten down pride and burning rage reignited and flaring hotter than any star.

They called his decision to succumb to Babidi’s mind control weakness. Slavery. No. The wizard had no more control of him than anyone else should have these past years. He felt more powerful than he ever had. He raised his hand again and shot another blast into the crowd. This. This was what he wanted. He would not let anyone or anything stand in the way of his battle with Kakarot. Not the Kai. Not Gohan. Not this Buu creature or Babidi. They settled this today. He would reclaim his honor, his destiny. 

He would stand in Kakarot’s shadow no longer.

Vegeta struggled against the powerful arms that restrained him, tail lashing in fury as he fought with fists, feet, and teeth against Frieza’s goons. He could hear Nappa bringing up the rear, pleading the young Saiyan’s case with Frieza: he was young and hadn’t learned to respect his betters, his mourning made him mouthier, that he would handle punishment himself and ensure it never happened again, anything other than locking him away like that, to lock him up in there instead. They both knew his words fell flat in the tyrant’s ears; Vegeta had finally crossed the line and told the emperor just what he thought of him and Frieza did not tolerate insubordination.

The soldiers tossed the young Saiyan to the back of the dark room. He roared and darted forward, only to collide with the cold metal of the door slamming in his face. He only just registered the pain it caused, already launching himself for the door again, intent on busting it open. He screamed and rammed into the door, bellowed for Nappa to let him out this instant. Deep down he knew his protests were swallowed by the darkness that encompassed him in the small space, but it didn’t stop him from yelling until his throat was raw. From bashing his full weight into the door until his small frame went numb.

Furious, he bounded back. Ki built in his palms and he shot every ounce of energy he had toward the door. The blast rebounded straight back and struck him in the chest. The force knocked the wind from his lungs and smashed him into the wall behind him. His body slid to the ground and he laid still. Limp, too weak to move.

It was too easy to lose track of time in that pitch black cell, and he did not know how long he lay there. Light filtered into the room as the door cracked open. Freedom! He willed himself to fly toward it as a tray with a paltry sum of food was set on the cold floor along with a glass of water. Vegeta nearly grasped the edge of the door but, once more, it slammed in his face and nearly took his fingers with it. He growled, his throat screeching in protest at the guttural sound. He felt along the edges of the door--or what he thought were the edges of the door--for any kind of hand hold. A way to grip it and force it open. Sealed tight, as expected. He kicked the tray into the wall in his stubborn frustration.

He counted six meals. Six failed attempts at escaping. Sometimes, he woke up from his slumber, and when he felt around the cell, he found the food waiting for him. Missed opportunities. The meals barely kept him alive and awarded him no energy. He slept more often than not, plagued by dreams of spending the rest of his life there. The deaths of his parents and people burning up in the wake of an exploding planet. Nappa and Raditz being tortured in his absence...He always woke up in a tighter ball after such nightmares, tail squeezing him in makeshift protection…

Light flared and burned his eyes, causing him to hiss and tuck his face into his chest and arms. Large hands slipped beneath him and scooped him up. His tail bristled in warning and his body stiffened, all senses on high alert. The restraints held fast, the familiar scent of the Saiyan general filling his nose and calming him. Nappa carried him out of the cell, and Vegeta buried his face in his armor, fighting the tears of anguish that threatened to fall.

Before long, he was deposited onto his bed. The young Saiyan prince squirmed beneath the blanket and faced the wall in his bunk, knees tucked to his chest. He heard Raditz shift above him but his light snoring remained uninterrupted. He held his blankets tight around him, clutching them like a lifeline and laid perfectly still. He still felt tired, drained, but his eyes remained wide open and set on the wall. He never knew he could miss a bed or a pillow so much. Or the sound of Raditz snoring. Or light.

After a long while, hours perhaps, he heard Nappa sigh; he had forgotten the general remained in the room at all. “I’m sorry, kiddo...so damn sorry.” He spoke in nearly a whisper, his typically strong and boisterous voice close to shaking. “I wish I could protect you like your parents wanted...like you deserve.”

Vegeta’s grip tightened on the blanket that failed to warm him. He felt cold. Always so cold. “Feeling sorry for yourself won’t do you any good, Nappa,” he mumbled, a half-hearted reprimand in comparison to his usual temper. He turned to face Nappa, staring him down with a blank expression and hollow eyes. “Mother, father...everyone else is dead. We survived, and we’ll keep doing it...no matter what it takes.”

He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. “We’re the lucky ones.”

Upbeat dance music filtered up to the balcony on a light summer breeze to the balcony on the other side of Capsule Corp. where Vegeta had taken refuge from the ongoing celebration. No one noticed his exit, and he had no qualms with that. While most left him to his own devices, he tired of the idle conversation, the laughter and music. Thus, he snatched up a cooler of beer and took off to the other side of the building, settling in at a table on one of the balconies.

He tipped the bottle back and drained the rest of its contents. He threw it into the air, toward the setting sun, and blasted it into nothing. Since Majin Buu’s defeat, he felt as if he floated through space and time, a phantom going through the motions of a routine that felt more pointless by the day. Not even training held his interest long and, more often than not, he found himself flying around the planet aimlessly but pretending to have a purpose.

Kakarot had once more proven himself the better warrior and killed Buu. He swallowed his pride and accepted it, accepted the fact that he would forever be second place. In the moment, he thought acceptance would free him and perhaps it had at the time. But as time passed and he returned to life on Earth playing the role of husband for show and father and took up his training regimen...a weight bore down on him, growing heavier each day. He grew restless and craved direction, purpose. How long had he chased that dream of revenge? Of surpassing Kakarot and anyone else who challenged his birthright as the most powerful Saiyan--no, being--in existence? After losing Raditz and Nappa, being humiliated on Earth and Namek...he had clung to the only things he truly understood: rage, pride, and vengeance.

Vegeta reached down to fish out another beer from the icy confines of the cooler. He flicked the cap off with his thumb and pressed it to his lips, draining half the bottle in a single gulp. He considered the idea of taking the spaceship and wandering the universe that always lingered at the back of his mind. Search for warriors to train with, test his limits and break them and the monotony. The desire to conquer and claim what his father promised him had faded to a fever dream. He lacked the patience it required these days. As usual, he squashed the idea before it could spur him into action. 

Maybe someday he would find something that sparked the fire in him again, gave him purpose. Or he would spend the rest of his days in inanity, performing a part in a play he neither tried out for or wanted. Waiting for the next tragedy to befall the Earth or universe so he could feel alive for a day or two or until the threat was exterminated, likely by Kakarot. And then the cycle would repeat: he would train to get stronger, a new threat arises, Kakarot proves he’s more powerful. Maddening. Unfulfilling. Reality.

He let his head fall back and watched the whisps of clouds lazily sail through the darkening sky. What had Frieza told him when he found out about the destruction of his planet and people? That he was one of the lucky ones. Lucky...by Earthling standards, many had told him that for one reason or another: you have a hot, rich “wife” and don’t need to work, a place to live and food to eat, a healthy son, the fact that he was alive to live the next day. Nothing that truly mattered to him; an ideal Earth life did not appeal to his Saiyan warrior mentality. In fact, he could not think of a single moment in his life where he would consider himself lucky, even with Frieza dead and unable to be the source of his despair. 

Raised voices and laughter from inside shifted his attention to the glass doors. Kakarot had finally showed up. His friends surrounded him like flies on shit, grinning and laughing with the buffoon like he had been there all day. Even his shrew of a wife who had complained about his absence all afternoon to anyone who would listen smiled in welcome. Kakarot...the damn bastard. He drank the last of his beer and stood up. 

Vegeta had lost everything else--his title, his race, his birthright--but, as he stared down his longtime rival from behind a pane of glass, he knew he could cling to one, single truth: he was a warrior. Always would be. And he would never stop pushing and breaking his limits his way. 

[queernuck]

and like, im straight-up actually worried about the look and feel and texture of my t-shirt, its killing me because im worried ive ruined it or at least noticeably made it look less good, that i have not properly cared for it, and that makes me feel so fucking worthless because I got it for XMas or my Birthday or something last year and like, I have no idea if I’m getting anything for the latter this year (its starting to get to late August so like, I have no idea but i need to figure out my PayPal i guess) and I mean who knows maybe ill be out of the house and starting to convert and will be able to get Hanukkah presents instead but just I really fucking want to die at this moment in time, my parents are fucking awful people and they dont even see it

like i went to ask my mom if it was alright for me to take some ice cream, and when she commented about the show we had been watching I mentioned that my dad had changed the channel, was for some reason watching some filler TV on CSPAN about millennial journalists and acting like his usual reactionary self and when I got back upstairs he was PISSED at me because of that, seriously had me come over and sit down next to him so that my mom wouldnt accidentally hear him or something, and explained his supposed rationale for it and how in his line of work because he relies on the market he has to read both sides of everything and how ALL the media is just like losing it on both the left and the right and mind you when i hear his perspective on media shit it comes to a point of like, me trying to figure out what the fuck his perspective on say, Pinochet is, or for that matter just how reactionary his interpretation of being an exchange student in Venezuela is, and just, he really has no fucking clue?

I’m genuinely scared and distraught and right now it all just seems to be revolving around a t-shirt but its also like, that I feel so restricted, that I cant get out of my house without it being for work, I cant even feel like I have friends most of the time because of how much my mom likes to remind me that the only friends I have are online and how that doesnt count and adding some shit about autism because apparently its bad that i recognize their behavior as abusive and just, again, I think that time where I grabbed my dad’s hand to push it away from me and he grabbed me by the throat and my mom said that I would be the one who wouldve gotten arrested for assault because of how i “started” it, i hate this shit i really fucking do fuck

i just hope my t-shirt is okay

[awesome-bamon]

I see both sides! I can understand completely that it’s uncomfortable for some and that people can sympathise with him. We just all need to get along - of course he’s the bad guy and it’s Star Wars so he’s going to kill people but I don’t think the director and writers aim was to portray him as abusive -if it reminds people of that then im sorry you feel that and I understand! x It’s called star ‘wars’ and I think the whole trilogy is about redemption and Ben Solo isn’t really Kylo Ren

I personally think Kylo refers to just her family - it’s true she’s come from nowhere and she admitted that first. I also think just from a movie perspective that it’s more surprising when he says it this way - just to add to the shock factor. Also if he’s been manipulated by Snoke and not been loved his whole life he won’t come out with a love sonnet will he, he doesn’t know love and how to express it. Of course your ideas could be right too! It’s up to interpretation

And to carry on, I genuinely think he cares for her, most probably loves her. We will have to wait and see! I do think it can have negative connotations too as it sounds as if he’s belittling her. But maybe people that can’t see the abuse hear what he may really mean underneath it all. Who knows! Also it’s true we mean nothing in the grand scheme of it all but to each other we mean everything. He might view it as a good thing to say because to him status is everything and he puts that aside

He shakes his head as he says “nothing” almost as if he doesn’t believe it himself. He might believe she is nothing because he doesn’t have friends his own but he doesn’t care about that he’s saying that doesn’t matter but in truth Rey cares for her friends and I think Ben regrets saying this after. Also, a minor detail, he has his glove on at this moment. Perhaps there’s still hope, still Ben Solo, in him somewhere.but he needs to remove the rest of Kylo Ren, his mask, to redeem himself

Of course I could be completely wrong lmao there is no right answer. Just because they spilt doesn’t mean it’s over. Hope you can see my point of view what do you think about the whole balance idea? Have a great day also

I’m assuming that these all are from the same person or same Anon?  Either way I’m going to answer them at one time.

1. Even if Rian Johnson didn’t intend to portray Kylo as abusive that is how it comes across.  Kylo’s actions and words towards Rey is indeed abusive. And the writers promoting Kylo in such a fashion where Rey is the one written as being the “Key” to his redeeming story, just highlights the problem where writers of movies/ TV shows sell the idea of if being a woman’s job to redeem or to fix a adult male and that it is on her shoulders to do so, instead of it being his  responsibility as an individual to fix and better himself.  Instead they sell the notion that a grown man needs a woman there holding his hand 24/7,  365 to decide to make the right decisions or that he can’t know right from wrong without a woman by his side.

And also sends out a false/dangerous message that a woman can fix a violent/abusive man that has emotional or anger issues. I notice that some Reylos sell this idea as romantic that Rey sees “Ben Solo” and not Kylo.  But, plenty of women will stay with an violent/abusive man in hopes that he will get better or because they see good in him or because he may have a period of time where he acts decent and gives her hope that he is on the path of getting better.

I have seen some Reylos say that if Kylo was abusive then Rey wouldn’t have done this or that,  when forgetting that women will stand by an abusive/violent man for a number of reasons. So just because Rey did this or that, doesn’t mean that it diminshes Kylo’s abuse.

Kylo and Ben are the same person.  Kylo could choose to be “Ben” by changing to be a better man, but choose to stay on the evil/dark side.  He didn’t want to be Ben, even will Rey wanted to get him to drop his evil ways.

2. It’s not true that she comes from nowhere in the sense that Kylo makes it seem like.  Doesn’t matter what Rey says, I don’t think she would mean it in the same way that Kylo used the “You’re nothing and come from nothing” line. It shouldn’t matter who her parents are or where she comes from.  A man who truly loves a woman would see her as every thing and would lift  her up in every way.   And wouldn’t feed into any  insecurities that she may feel about herself for the sake of himself.  Or wouldn’t use a vulnerability in relation to her, in a attempt to weaken her for his benefit and agenda.

If he truly doesn’t know how to love or express it then it is more reason for why Rey shouldn’t be with him and why her “love” will never he able to truly fix him. If he doesn’t know how to love or express himself now, then there is no guarantee that he would be able to do so if him and Rey ever became canon.  And this would only expose Rey to being abused emotionally and mentally by him.  A man who can’t learn to control himself emotionally and mentally as a individual will never be a good option for romantic relationships.

3. A man who truly loves a woman in a selfless way would never belittle her or call her nothing and worthless for his benefit or convince her that she is nothing and that he is the only one who can see her as something or that she needs to be with him to be something.  And that she’ll be “nothing” outside of a relationship with him or  joining him, or that she can only accomplish something if he is in her life.

This type of “love” is a selfish and self serving type of love and only goes to prove that love isn’t always enough reason for two people to be together, if one or both of them is toxic to the other and doesn’t know how to express their love and emotions in a healthy fashion.

4.  No matter how you put it Kylo is lying when he tells her that she is nothing, when he tries to use it to boost himself up as the only  person in the world who can see her as something, despite her past or who she comes from.  And tries to convince her that only he can see her worth and her value.  When she has friends who she cares about and who cares about her.

This is an tactic of abuse and isolation that abusers use to trapped a woman into a relationship, by making it seem like he is the only one who can care for or love her.  And try to work on her fears that if she leaves him that no one else out there can care for her or see her worth and that she can only have a useful life if she is with him. 

And abusers who have the “If I can’t have you, no one can” and  “I don’t want her to be happy if she isn’t with me” toxic and dangerous mind set.

5. I disagree with a lot of what you said, but hope that you have a great day also.

[shawnmend-yes]

April fools pt3

Side note : thank you for the people sending in asks, I really appreciate it. I love know what you guys think. Also I haven't done any from shawns perspective, I may finish the series and then go back and redo all of it as Shawn? I dont know, message me your opinions. ---///---///---///---///---/// You arrived at Ems house a dishevelled mess, tears falling over you like raindrops in a storm, you were surprised you could see anything at all. Blindly you stumbled forwards to the door, but before you had the chance to knock it was swung open. She took one look at you, before ushering you inside quickly. “Were you followed?” she whispered to you, waggling her eyebrows. You held up a watery smile, sniffling at her. “Oh honey, was it really that bad?” You nodded, looking down to your feet. A soft exhale flared her nostrils as she spun on her toe and pulled you through to the kitchen, only stopping to grab a blanket off a chair and wrap it round your shoulders. She nudged you into a chair and began rummaging around in the cupboards pulling out various packets and plates. You sat watching her move around the kitchen, too exhausted to ask what she was doing or if she wanted a hand. Eventually she came to a stop and placed a plate of triple chocolate cookies in front of you, before placing two mugs of hot chocolate down on smooth surface of the table. Pulling out a chair she sat down opposite you and sipped her drink, her glasses steaming up as the heat condensed onto them. Any other day you would have laughed at her, but you didn’t feel like laughing right now. You had given him your heart, your word, only to watch him throw everything out of the window like it meant nothing to him. He didn’t apologise. You weren’t expecting him to reciprocate your feelings, but you certainly didn’t expect him to ditch you like a broken mirror due to your confession. You were pulled out of thoughts by the sound of a mug being slid across the table, cringing at the noise you wrapped both palms around the mug, lifting it your lips to take a sip. The smell wafted towards you causing a fresh wave of nausea to hit you as you were reminded of exactly what shawn had said. Your nose wrinkled and you set the mug back onto the table gingerly. Em raised an eyebrow at you and you fidgeted under her gaze, reaching for a cookie instead. She was still staring at you with her blue eyes, green specs gleaming at you, squirming under her stare you bit down into the cookie. “Are you gonna tell me what happened or what?” You choked in response, sending crumbs flying out your mouth. “Bloody hell em, talk about timing.” You exclaimed wiping your mouth on your sleeve. She chortled at you, cheeks flushing causing you to grin at her. A fresh perspective couldn’t hurt you supposed, and it did mean you could moan about shawn as much as you wanted to. You met her eyes, they described her quite well, clear cut blue with fresh green speckles dotted haphazardly inside them, she was a mix of new and old souls, she had a way of making the most complicated situations seem simple. Snuggling deeper into your blanket, you surveyed her. “Alright, but no interrupting.” She nodded eagerly at you and tugged on her left ear lobe. You knew you had her full attention. “Well I sent him the message, and well, he didn’t respond, so I called him up, yanno like I usually would and he said he didn’t want to talk to me?” you began to speak faster “anyway so then the lady was like shawn, so he did speak to me, but he was just… I don’t know? So angry, I guess?” “Wait I don’t-“ you raised your eyebrows at her “Okaaay sorry.” She muttered raising her palms in surrender. “so he starts talking and is all like, your so clingy, I don’t want to talk to you, leave me alone, so obviously I was pretty confused and was like shawn wait, but he didn’t even stop, he didn’t let me speak or explain what was going on he just, well he just hung up on me?” you looked down and reached for your mug again, swirling the contents as you continue speaking. “so after he hung up I um, well lets no go into that, anyway like 3 hours later I guess, he shows u on my door and im just like what the fuck? Its not bad enough that he rejected me over the phone he felt the need to show up at my house and do it all over again?” You glance back up at em who is frowning down at the table. You watch her for a while, waiting for her speak. But she seems so lost in her thoughts that you end up prompting her, “well?”. “Sorry” she mumurs, looking at you, “it just doesn’t make sense, why would he be angry in the first place” “I kno-“ “and why would he show up at your house?” she continues oblivious to your interruption. You lapse into a concentrated silence, you had expected a different reaction from her, in fact you were alittle disappointed. Usually she has the best advice, but today she seems less interested in helping you out than she does understanding his motives. You slump back into the chair and contemplate what your going to do. Will shawn even still be at your house when you get back? Will you guys still be friends? In a sudden burst of energy em snaps her fingers excitedly, “what time did you say you phoned him?” “umm.. around 3 I guess?” “and you texted him at…” “like 9 ish?” you watched a smile spread across her features “em I really don’t get where you’re going with this” “well think about it right, shawn was playing in the uk a day ago right?” she asked, glancing at you for confirmation “Now, a flight from the uk to Canada is like 7 hours ish, yeah?” “Well yeah but-“ “Shut up, and you say he arrived like 3 hours after you texted him, so about 6. Your house is about an hour and half maybe two hours from the airport? So what with customs etc he must of been at the airport when you phoned. And when you texted he would have been on the plane right?” she concluded staring triumphantly at you. You took a second to process all the information, she was right. You still didn’t understand why he was angry at you but it did give you hope. Ems features dipped for a second, “Although, that doesn’t explain why he was angry at you, or why he didn’t mention the message, he must have seen it if you phoned him?” Her borw furrowed as she tried to work out the kink in her plan. “welllll….” She glanced at you “I may have phoned his team director and not him?” you confessed “so I suppose its possible…” “HE HASN’T READ IT” She shouted bursting up from the table and sprinting to the living room. You heard a distant thump followed by “Im okay!” and chuckled at the image of em sprawling onto the floor in her excitement to do whatever she was doing. She flopped back into her chair, phone in hand. “Look at your phone, the message” she waited for you to unlock your phone before continuing. “Does it say he read it?” “well no, but em, he could just not have read receipts?” “Only one way to find out,” she relied thumbs tapping away furiously, once the taping stopped she leaned back with a satisfied smirk “OI SHAWN, when you back from tour? I EXPECT TO BE SEEN. (I also expect a present)” You laughed at her, it was a perfect em message, blunt and as forceful as Emily, but not obvious enough to raise any suspicions. You sat glancing at each other and the phone for a few tense moments. “So um… hows your, cat?” she asked. Causing you both to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. The phone screen lit, and em dived to open it. “HE HAS READ RECIETS. I REPEAT HE HAS THE RECIETS. Y/N HE HASN’T SEEN IT.” She sprinted round the table, whirling the blanket off your shoulders. “gogogogogogooooooooooooooooooo” Laughing you downed the dregs of your hot chocolate and went to retrieve your jacket. “GET OUT” she shouted at you. “Im going im going” you muttered as she propelled you out the door towards your car “bloody hell em.” She pulled you in for a brief hug, waiting for you to get in your car before walking back to her house and closing the door. Okay this is it, you thought, he hasn’t seen it, you can just delete it before he does, if hes even still there, oh my gods, what if hes not there? Panic began to set in and you wiped your palms on your jeans, before clambering back out of the car and jogging back up to ems door. “WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?” She yelled at you. “What if hes not there? What if he is? What if he has seen it now? Em I cant- I cant let him reject me again.” Her feautres softened up. “y/n, if he is stupid enough to reject you again he is worthless, he could have any of the girls screaming at him during his concert, but they will Never be as good as you. Trust me.” She griped onto your shoulders and looked into your eyes. “its time to sort this once and for all.” You nodded back at her before squaring your shoulders and turning. “That’s my girl” You smiled and sauntered towards your car. “OOOOOO YOU GO GIRL, SHAKE THAT BOOTY.” You laughed, twirling quickly before unlocking your car. “Wish me luck” you called as you stepped into the car. “ALWAYS” you heard from the distance, as you drove off to confront shawn.