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cat3ch1sm · 1 year ago

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HI EVE

So umm I wanna start writing hxh stuff but I'm scared it'll be really ooc :(( I watched the whole anime, restarting it and I'm reading the Manga too so I know the personalities of the characters well but I'm still not confident I can portray it right... it would be super embarrassing if I post my first story/ headcanon and the comments i get are "they wouldnt say that" "they wouldnt do that" "that wouldnt happen" 😭the way you write characters sound so like them and I rlly wanna make hcs and stories like you so pls spill your secrets 🙏🙏 if it helps, the characters I think I'll be most writing for are the main 4, kalluto and alluka (they're so underrated!!) mb hisoka andddd silva & kikyo? (I kinda wanna make some cute scenarios w them like they go on a date or smthing 🥺 idk why) but ofc, I would love to learn how to write for the majority of the hxh characters. But ummm it's okay if u don't have any advice, I'll just cry infront of my blank Google docs page 😔😔 (I'm jk, have a good day!!)

🐢~ OMG HI IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I FEEL AWFUL :(( @xl3vviii i love uu thanks for your request and patience 💚💚 i will try my best to explain my process in a general way so it’s easy to write for any character you’d like! i really hope this helps you<333

🍀~ and i totally feel you on the not wanting mean comments thing😭😭 broo ive been fortunate enough to not really receive those kind of comments but i did once and WOW was i embarrassed and changed it immediately😭😭 and the crying in front of a blank google doc page?? you are so real for that 😭😭😭

🌲~ another note to my followers in general: i want to sincerely apologize for my absence. my devices i usually post on all decided to conveniently stop working so that really sucked but my phone is back again!! im really grateful for you all and your patience, and i want to thank you guys so much for 3.5k! i have no intentions of leaving and i hope i can write lots more for you guys. hopefully i don’t ever need to be gone that long again! i love u all so muchh and thank you a million times 💚💚

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬!

a/n~ so sorry if this sucks cause ive never given a tutorial for my writing but i will DO MY BEST

so you said you wanted to write cute scenarios of dates for the hxh main four+ hisoka, silva , and kikyo! first thing i usually consider when i get requests especially, or just when i have an idea, is: would this character even do this? like if someone asks me, “hey, can you write headcanons for illumi zoldyck with a soft/sweet/kind s/o?” that would be possible (though maybe a little far-fetched canonically). it’s fine to stretch those boundaries a bit for fanfiction, i think. but if that request had instead been like “can you write reader x soft/sweet/kind illumi?” that would’ve been a hard no. don’t alter characters’ natural personalities because then it’s not the same character. what sometimes helps me is, especially if i haven’t watched or read any media of the character im writing for in a while, is looking up the character’s wiki on the FANDOM site and reading through their personality traits as well as their key moments because it helps me to determine what the character would do in the story and how they might react to some things. feel free to also go back and look at clips of the anime or pages of the manga; i find it helps as well!

so for what you want to write specifically, cute dating scenarios, i think that most of the characters you’ve chosen are a good fit. the main four are good for a prompt like that, and the zoldyck children you’ve chosen can be fitting as well. but as for hisoka, kikyo, and silva, that kind of prompt might not fit so well because obviously these characters can’t be seen as sweet or kind or loving. has hisoka ever expressed any interest in wooing someone properly or is he someone who operates on lust? did kikyo and silva court each other and go on little dates or was their marriage probably arranged/forced/only useful for selfish purposes? do their personalities even allow for sentiments like dates? would they even consider that? before writing something ask yourself if you can really see the character doing that clearly in your mind.

i think it’s a great thing that you’ve watched and read the respective canon content of your characters, and it’s good to refer to it if you ever find yourself struggling to characterize someone accurately. however, it is fanfiction, so don’t feel like you need to be super rigid. write whatever you’d like, honestly. but here’s a really common thing i notice when people write fanfiction: they take one aspect of the character and run the shit into the ground. a prime example of this is hobie brown from across the spiderverse and his “i don’t believe in consistency” line. like Jesus Christ. well-written fictional characters, like the ones of hxh, are often as versatile as real people are. make sure the character doesn’t feel like some one-dimensional version of themselves, and please don’t write for the character only based on one aspect of their personality. for example, hisoka is rather unpredictable, so that’s something you’d probably want to incorporate into writings for him. but for characters like most of the zoldycks, you’re going to want to tread a little lighter since they aren’t the main characters and thus we don’t see a whole lot of them. in situations like this, you might have to focus on just what you can see of them. so again, just ask yourself if you can see the character really doing what you’re writing them to do. would they act that way in an actual episode of the anime or volume of the manga? if you’re unsure or the answer is no, try going a different route.

it is also okay to make mistakes. practicing a lot will eventually get you to where you want to be. i still find myself slipping up in my writings and getting carried away (so read over your writings before you publish them)!! my dms are open if you ever would like me personally to review a piece and offer maybe more specific advice!

i hope this helped you, dear💚 again feel free to dm me if you have any more questions. thank you for your support 💚

#cat3ch1sm #anime #hxh headcanons #hxh memes #hunter x hunter #hisoka x reader #illumi x reader #killua x reader #gon freecss headcanons #illumi hxh #gon hxh #killua hxh #writing tips #writers on tumblr #x reader #hxh x reader

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lietpolski · 2 years ago

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when you have the chance, could you do a mischaraterization analysis on iceland?

sure!! i think the difference between him and nor is that people are more aware of the liberties they're taking with his characterization, so, disclaimer: i don't care how you characterize him and i don't think i'm better for sticking to canon. but let's talk about canon iceland!!

one thing that's a personal pet peeve is his age, and when he's portrayed as an adult. i've seen people saying that they don't even know if he's meant to be a teenager or not! but:

he's meant to be 16-17, as hima has said! now, i think it's fine to take creative liberties with most characters' ages. however, with iceland it's such a core element of his personality that aging him up just,, entirely changes him as a character!

iceland is meant to be a teenager. no, not in the emo tumblr user who loves memes sense (that interpretation was 90% of iceland content in 2015 haha), but like a teenager who because of his age can be immature, and struggle with his emotions, connections to others, and a lot of insecurity. you can see some of that insecurity in his need to be seen as mature, but also his embarrassment over his accent & being hot-headed (another aspect of him that's underexplored! people forget that side of him!)

"According to Himaruya (in a Comic Birz interview), Iceland tends to feel uncomfortable with his thick accent and hard to understand language, opting to speak in English when he can. This was further instated when it was mentioned in his Volume 5 profile that he tries his best to hide his accent.[17]"

but more specifically, i'd say that iceland's main internal struggle & driving force is his want to connect with and be close to others. but in response to him always been forgotten, being an afterthought, and falling behind, he's put up a front of indifference about it - "i don't care if people don't care about me"

but here's the thing! although he tries to act uncaring and fine being alone, he loves his overbearing family :,) and values the connections they give him so much!! in my opinion, him disliking how the other nordics act is just a front (except when he's being babied, which is understandable haha) and i think this gets kinda lost in fanon. just look at these interactions! (image order is left to right)

this one below makes me especially sad :,)

the other nordics being what stops him from being lonely is huge when you consider iceland's origins:

he was all alone, for years and years and years, with no one like himself to explain to him who he was, what he was, a little kid all alone and he was so lonely. that is, until his big brothers finally came over to his island to bring him home!

so yes, iceland does care about his family and does want them close, and he's not as indifferent to everything as he wants to act. he's a character with some deeply rooted insecurities, and he feels the need to hide them

and some quick thoughts: i don't have a lot of obvious examples, but iceland is an old-fashioned person! he's not as in touch with the rest of the world, he wears grandpa sweaters and cravats, he has an old ass phone, he doesn't at all strike me as internet savvy and i don't like that characterization of him

i've covered this in more detail with my denmark & norway rants, but he's super close to both of them, likes both of them, and sees both of them as brothers! in fact, he sees sweden & finland as brothers too!

(+ that image i showed earlier saying that he looks up to sweden as an adult, and how he calls them all nicknames! dan, svi, fin, nor!)

one last thing about his relationships!! people seem to think that him and hong kong are an entirely fanon thing, when actually they have at least 2 manga chapters where they interact and seem to be friendly! here's one of them :)

i hope you found this long rant interesting, he's one of my favourites!

#again sorry i cant put this under a cut i would if i could #AND SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG i have no excuses i just got lazy and didnt feel like looking for the manga panels haha #but i got another ask about iceland which reminded me to finish this!!#maia talks #hws iceland #long post #ask

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adhd-languages · 2 years ago

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how do you actually like. learn languages with adhd? like in terms of "how do you stay focused" and "how do you stay invested/motivated for extended periods of time" and "how do you actually like. sit down to do* a study session?"

i know that immersion's good and all, but i find it really hard to just. sit there and watch [language] content when there's so much other stuff in my native language that's so much better and understandable.

with talking to ppl, i always feel like i gotta know enough to have a conversation in order to have a conversation, y'know? so i never end up having any conversations lol

when i've tried learning languages before i've almost always lost interest in it after a few weeks, and that kinda sucks. esp because half the time my interest shifts to a different language lmao

so yeah. advice?

*"to sit down to do" is a curious construction in my ideolect that means like. "to try to start doing"? it doesn't nesesserily mean physically sitting down, but does come from when i sit down to do maths homework or whatever and then actually start it two hours later, y'know? having the distinction between that and "to start" is useful lol

Immersion is really tough -- it's hard to feel invested in plot and characters if you hardly understand what people are saying...so here's a secret. Rewatch a show you love in English, in your target language dub. I'm listening to a fandub of "Welcome to Night Vale". It's really fun for me. I know that people go on about how it's better to learn from Original Native Content, but anything that keeps your interest is always better than nothing. And besides, there's a lot you can notice about the way they chose to translate things - it's fascinating!

Here's my super embarrassing language advice - I just daydream in Spanish. And a lot of the time, the spark of motivation to figure out a new bit of sentence structure is just me trying to figure out how to say a sentence in my internal monologue. I got hyperfixated on languages and sprinkled multilingualism into my mind soup. It sticks with me better when I learn grammar because I want to use it, rather than just sitting down to try and study something that's completely abstract. This actually works from pretty much any level. I think the sooner you use your target language like your native one, the better. Not sure if this would help but it might?

It's ok to learn in bursts. It's supposed to be fun, and a hobby. It's worth trying to fit your target language into your daily routine. I am a Duolingo guy, and I know it's not the best way to learn, but doing a little lesson everyday to keep up my stupid little streak can jumpstart me into studying properly. Or at least have me do a little bit of practice if nothing else, remind my brain that these languages exist, yknow.

Also, I have gained and lost interest in a LOT of languages - Korean, Swedish, Toki Poni, Dutch, I've gone on and off with Japanese a few times, and so many languages I just tried to learn for one day. And that's okay too! You don't need to become fluent just to enjoy learning a little bit about a language. :-)

I hope at least one part of this was helpful? I'm going to be honest, I wasn't sure how to answer this ask because even though you would assume it with me running a language blog and all, I'm not always a great student. At all. The amount I'm studying fluctuates a lot, and it's just something I've accepted. There's no rush, so just do whatever works for you, even if it's not "the most effective" way of doing it. Everything is progress, anyhow.

(also, the "sit down to do" thing makes perfect sense to me. And for the conversations thing.... yeah, I don't talk to people much either. I'm shy. So, I'm not sure how to help with that one.)

#I hope the mind soup is relatable rather than concerning #and I really hope at least something here helps #sorry it took so long to answer I was not sure what to say #I tend not to get asked for advice like this because it is also my weakness #langblr #language #language learning #asks #long post #Quinn posts

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pikahlua · 2 years ago

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I have a question

But I really want to ask just from a writing standpoint, no ships or anything

Do you like Izuku and Ochaco's development as possible (or probable? idk where Hori wanna go with that) romance?

Cause I appreciated it (even tho it felt like the usual shonen romance) till the return of Izuku to UA, which made me see them more as platonic (and made me appreciate their bond way more tbh)

So from a writing standpoint, I'm not exactly a romance aficionado. It can really only come down to my preferences in what I like in a romance, but there are just some cheesy romance tropes I'm not into. I do think it's perfectly viable to analyze any relationship in any property, MHA included, for whatever dynamic you want. If you ask me to take a look at the potential romance in Izuku and Ochako's relationship, I can do that.

That said, this is a warning to hard-line IzuOcha shippers: I can't guarantee you'll enjoy everything I write about in this post.

To me, there are five major "sagas" in their relationship. Some of these I like, some of these I don't.

Saga 1: Beginning through the Internships Saga 2: Final Exams through Kamino Saga 3: Provisional License Exam through School Cultural Festival Saga 4: Joint Training Arc through Paranormal Liberation War Saga 5: Deku Retrieval Arc through to the present

Saga 1 was my favorite. This was when they were still getting to know each other and becoming friends. I like this part best because Ochako has the most characterization in the show. Her personality shines through and she's very entertaining. I also thought the stuff that happened between them in the Sports Festival was some of the most refreshing writing of opposite-sex characters I've seen in a while, platonic or romantic. Ochako has personal motivations that can be in conflict or in harmony with her relationship with Izuku, and the manner in which they interacted showed a special type of relationship for Izuku that he didn't have with any other character. It was nice variety in the context of everything else the show was giving us at the time. I wasn't necessarily dying for romance, because I do love a good platonic opposite-sex friendship too. But if it did take a romantic direction, I was excited to see how it went at the time.

Saga 2 just felt like it shoehorned the crush thing in there. It didn't really come from anything that came before it. I thought it was gonna be a good opportunity for some romantic humor, but it just turned out to be a bunch of embarrassed blushing and not much else. Wasn't really my thing.

Saga 3 tried to add something interesting to the mix with Ochako's jealousy which she tries to deny and squash, but...it doesn't come across as particularly deep or well-developed. Horikoshi kinda just throws it out there and then immediately ditches it. I wouldn't have been so annoyed if it didn't encompass all of Ochako's character for this saga. She didn't really do much of anything else at all. Even in the Overhaul arc, she didn't get any meaningful spotlight, and I mean this from an action perspective. After the awesome action she got in the Sports Festival, Horikoshi really pulled back on her and it felt like he was too afraid to make her get dirty and fight again, save for a brief moment when she pinned Toga in the woods at summer camp. I liked it better when Izuku was pining a bit after Ochako than the other way around.

Saga 4 was a bit better. There was finally some meaningful development between them with Ochako getting inspired to update her costume, saving Izuku as a development of her new character question of "who saves the heroes?", and--my favorite part--when she decides to trust Izuku when he says he can take Shinso on alone and she goes to take care of business elsewhere. But I notice these developments I like also happen to have non-romantic elements to them. It's really just when things are one-dimensionally romantic that I'm super disinterested. I like the complexity of other feelings even in their easy friendship. Platonic friendship that leads into budding romance brings at least a bit more flavor in the writing. That said, it's not a whole ton of flavor. I can see why other people would like it, but it's not the MOST exciting for me personally.

Saga 5 is again more exciting to me because of the non-romantic elements, kind of like you say. It's not that it's necessarily platonic, but it's just more interesting that Ochako's feelings seem more complicated now, and Toga has been added to the mix too. What we get in this saga especially puts me in a weird position where I'm rooting for Izuku and Ochako NOT to get together in the end, not because I don't like them or have a problem with the ship, but because it makes the overall story about their relationship since the beginning..."make sense" isn't the right phrase. It's just an interesting take on the trope in this genre. I really like the message it could potentially deliver on. I'm just not a big romance person in the first place, so the whole "there are even deeper things happening between people than just high school crushes" angle that doesn't necessarily mean romance speaks more to me. I don't really know what we get out of them getting together if that happens. But, as I said, I'm not big on romance to begin with, so I'm not the best judge of this. It could be we get a great message out of it and I'm just really bad at being able to see that at this stage. I will still be forced to lament what was lost in that case, though--because we would lose the far more interesting take on the trope if they were not to get together.

And that's why I say I'm not anti-IzuOcha, just anti-IzuOcha in canon. I think they're cute together and I really love their earlier dynamic. I think the fanart of them is cute. I love when they get along doing things. I love when people create excellent fan content for their favorite pairings. I just most like the idea of an ending where they don't end up together for the purposes of my own intrigue.

#my hero academia manga spoilers #final showdown spoilers #anon ask #ask pika #izuku midoriya #ochako uraraka #meta #that weird paradox where i like izuocha in specific circumstances lol #so if you're a big shipper of them you may not be into this post and this is your warning

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elegy-if · 1 year ago

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Not gonna lie I’m kinda torn between Sable and Eris I mean what could be more romantic than aiding your partner with their insatiable hunger for human flesh

YOU GET IT!!!!! YOU GET IT!! i'm so so excited to write their scenes... or any RO scenes. i love writing romance baby!!!

i kinda rambled about them because i'm excited to be able to talk about my characters so this is going under the cut

i will say they are quite a bit different personality wise if that's any help! sable is shy and skittish, and perhaps a bit nerdy. a bit of a chatterbox too once they're comfy. they're the type who lovesss their job/interests/hobbies to the point of rambling about it, but will stop themself after a bit when they realize they've gone on for too long. very easily embarrassed, but will continue with some prompting from MC.

eris on the other hand is the strong and silent type. they aren't super cocky (though they can be occasionally) but they are confident in themself. they kind of have to be, considering their job; if they hesitate for even a moment it could be life or death for them. they're very calm and hard to agitate, and it's kind of hard to get them talking, not gonna lie. though they're interested in MC's... deal, if you want to call it that, so they won't be completely silent when you first meet.

on the other hand, you can get sable talking about themself and their history quite easily. eris is definitely way more guarded compared to sable, and though i wouldn't exactly call them an ass, they are not easily approachable, even without the mask on.

each have their own reasons for helping MC, too, though i'll admit one of them's a bit more simple and will likely be revealed very quickly in the actualy game lol.

i will say for anyone curious who decides to go down a "peaceful" route (lol. it's possible but there will be consequences! same as if you choose to eat flesh) you'll still be able to meet (or should i say meat) them/befriend/romance them if you choose to not indulge in your more cannibalistic tendencies.

#asks #anonymous #sable #eris

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aurathian · 1 year ago

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20 questions for fic writers!!

thank you for thinking of and tagging me @mistresslrigtar !! this gave me a nice break from my studies <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

31 blushing emoji

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

99,127

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Zelda. mostly BOTW (but i dont discriminate) there are also some Hades fics sprinkled in there

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

for all time (a collab with @zelzenik !)

Of Memories

demeter nipping at your nose (one of my 2 hades fics)

one last look

Life in a Dead World (??????? why)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Usually yes!! I love getting comments from my readers and I want them to know I appreciate it. if i don't reply it's usually because i think the comment is strange/rude or i just dont know what to say lol

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

def love me (and leave me to die) but it was hard to pick bc tbh im the angst queen (TOTK SPOILERS IN THIS FIC!!)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

HyMart i'm going to pick this one because its happy all around and tbh idk what fic of mine is necessarily "happy" or has an ending that isnt streaked with tragedy or pain in some way whoops

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not that i remember but ive gotten like. weird passive aggressive comments

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i write SO MUCH fade to black because writing smut is way too weird for me... like i get embarrassed just typing certain words LOL (reading it is another story...)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no, not a fan

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!!! I love to collab with my friends and @zelzenik and i are literally an unstoppable force when we write together. when we combine our powers nothing can stop us

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

zelink obvi

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

probably my Post-SkSw fic for my Aftermath series . I have restarted this fic 3 times now and I just have no idea how I want to structure it, what I want the tone to be, things like that. Everything I put down never sounds right. Also I just don't have time lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue for sure.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Character's inner monologues and scene transitions, I think. I find inner monologues interesting, but I don't think I excel at making them interesting for the reader. I tend to give too much away. As for scene transitions, I find that when I write them they come out very short and rushed.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I usually don't do this because I'm just not a fan. in my world everyone in Hyrule speaks perfect American English lol. jk but kinda not. it's just not something I'm really thinking about when I write? and if I do include other languages, the main character(s) are usually oblivious to it and I don't include actual syntax. I'll just say "they muttered something in a different language" or something similar.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Super Mario. In Kindergarten. I made picture stories. LMFAOOOOO

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

love me and leave me to die this one probably. i worked super hard on it for zelink week 2023 and thought i presented some unique ideas. totk spoilers abound though lol

ok im tagging people now. but u all have probably been tagged already. sry @hyylia @zelzenik @nocturnalfandomartist and anybody else who would like to join in <3

#tag game #zelda

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dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

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6/10/23

Today hasn't been too bad. It was a very rough start though.

I woke up after 4 hours of sleep and started having an anxiety attack immediately. An intense one, with physical symptoms... which is new in the grand scheme of things. Ever since that doctor's visit, my anxiety chest tightness and chest pain, racing heart, adrenaline feelings... that kinda stuff started coming back. Probably a result of feeling my mortality. It's a very different kind of fear than like... shame.

I've written about that here before - how interesting it is that different types of fear can actually feel different, physically, experientially. Like... the experience of fearing being embarrassed is a very different sensation than fearing being physically injured, to me.

But yeah, it was pretty rough. I guarantee it was a super vivid dream that caused it, though I didn't journal to capture it. I guarantee it was based on the RP streams I've been completely immersed in (read: addicted to). It definitely felt that way. And on days like... the past few days... I seriously spend all my waking hours with a stream in front of me. And I really think it's unhealthy.

I just... don't have an alternate form of social interaction currently. So... given the choice between working while watching a stream (where I can interact in chat) vs... listening to music for 6 hours? Or watching YouTube videos in the background? I mean... If I had people to do that with, I would drop the streams in a heartbeat. I mean that. And that's what frustrates me.

I returned to Twitch as a streamer at the beginning of the pandemic (actually a little before it...) as an attempt to share things I'm passionate about with others. The way I tell stories, the way I narrate video games, shit like that. I felt like I had a gift for it. It was made so blatantly obvious to me by others that what I saw when I played games like Rimworld was so much different from what others saw. My experience was so much more immersive and emotional, romantic and narrative. Very few people that I've ever come across have shared that ability... to connect story points from a randomly generated story game and stitch a narrative together on-the-fly. One that actually makes sense, and has compelling and relatable characters that you actually give a fuck about. Nearly everyone that I watched playing Rimworld was literally calling their colonists "Pawns" and trying to "win". And since my ability to see, experience and share the story I was experiencing was so... natural for me... and so rare... I decided to stream. To share that gift with others, so they could see what I saw.

I remember vividly that I inspired a viewer (two, actually) to buy the game. They were chasing the experience that I presented, and unfortunately were a little disappointed when they realized that... what they were seeking was the drama and everything that I was presenting. It's really hard to explain that to people without offending them. But I think at a subconscious level, they could tell, because both of them would be watching my streams and playing their own colonies at the same time (towards the end).

I guess what I'm saying is... I would feel better about streaming... instead of watching streams... if I could have a little more assurance that people were going to show up. What I'm actively avoiding right now is sitting in front of a computer and just absorbing stuff in the background while working all day. I want something at least with the option of social interaction. And with me streaming, the numbers just haven't been there. So few people, it was usually just me and this teenage kid who keeps coming by for some reason.

I guess it's kinda obvious that my desire to stream is coming back up. The downside every time is... having to "explain" where I've been. Like I fucking abandoned all these people who don't even come by my streams half the time, and who have never subbed in 4 years... XD

Here are my current reservations with streaming: 1). Making noise past midnight. The walls are thin, to the point that I actually feel a bit anxious about the volume of my mechanical keyboard at this hour. I don't want to piss off my neighbors. 2). Background stuff. I would like to either have videos or music playing while I do art streams; I need something when I work, even if I have people to talk to. I feel like that would make the most sense for where I'm at right now. And then I can do gaming streams to just... take breaks. The problem? Again... DMCA. And how to handle that fucking bullshit. Which... honestly? There are two routes... a). learn how to route my audio so that the music plays on my live streams but not on my VoDs... then my VoDs will be awkward as fuck because it'll just be silence for hours at a time with me drawing and occasionally talking or singing along to nothing or b). scrap the VoDs entirely. And honestly? Who the fuck is watching my VoDs, you know?

Those are the big ones. But honestly? It would help me a lot to start being social again. But I fear no one will show up, and I'll just sit here doing my art shit in silence for hours at a time... when I could be watching really funny RP while I work. Having music or YouTube or something to soften the blow of silence would help.

Yeah, I guess I'll look into that tomorrow. It's been on my "Side Quests" list on the whiteboard for a while now. Along with setting up a Tumblr for my main art stuff.

I feel like I've been slipping a lot lately, somehow. Like a lot of stuff has fallen through the cracks. I think it was that rough patch of interrupted sleep, honestly, and this box fan has been an utter lifesaver. I could just barely hear my upstairs neighbor walking around when I had the box fan on today, I think it masks the sound really well and the cool air always helps me sleep. But I think the sleep deprivation really fucked up my life for a while there and I'm still playing catch-up.

Oh shit, so... despite the reasoning behind it being... freaking out about my health... I started a workout program today. That's good! I've been really good about those historically, I started doing them during the pandemic - these 30 day exercise challenge things from Darebee. I'm redoing one that I did last Spring(?) when I was binging out on Elden Ring. I needed to find an exercise routine that I can do in my apartment (so I don't have the excuse of social anxiety) but didn't involve jumping around and shit because... I'm the apartment above someone. This one is "combat-based", so all those kinds of movements that would normally be jumping jacks and burpees and shit are squats and kicks instead.

In the past, the first day of these workouts has completely utterly destroyed me. They do the exercises by Levels 1-3, with each Level being 3-5-7 sets respectively... so you can take the exercise plan and scale it to whatever you can handle. And in the past? I was always Level 1. And when I first started doing them, I even struggled with Level 1 sometimes. Today? I debated doing Level 2. I honestly don't even feel sore. It's weird. Maybe all that yoga is paying off more than I had thought! But Level 1 today means... all-in-all... I did 60 squats, 60 front kicks, 60 strikes, 60 jab + cross combos, and 60 elbow strikes. And that feels like a lot for a first exercise. And I knocked it out pretty easily. So I'm proud of myself for that. I'm trying to attach it to the end of my morning yoga.

I also started with reassessing my diet. I... haven't made a ton of progress, to be honest. My therapist was harping on portion control. And I guess I could tone that down. But I legit woke up starving this morning, and that does fuck with my sleep quite often. In fact, I might get a small trail mix snack right now just to have something in my stomach to delay that hunger.

I'm struggling with the diet shit because... most of the things they recommend for healthier eating? I already eat... I don't think potatoes or onions are bad... avocados are always stocked in my house as a go-to snack or meal accompaniment. Beans usually play a role, but I could put more of a focus on those... I only eat chicken, as far as meat goes, and really not that much or that often. It's usually only there to kinda... bulk up meals, if that makes sense? Like in a quesadilla or in rice, to just add... more? I don't know how to put it. I'm basically vegetarian besides that. Even the sausage I have in my freezer that I never eat is chicken sausage. I don't eat fish... which is the one thing all the reading I did was pushing. So that kinda puts a wrench in the works.. So basically... I guess what I'm gonna do right off the bat is... cut down on butter a bit. Switch the whole milk to something less. Maybe tone it down with sour cream? But I really don't use that much... And... the ice cream has been put on hold. Besides that? I have no idea what changes to make.

But I found a list of Low-Cholesterol Recipes which had some stuff that looked good, so I'm gonna try to take this as an opportunity to try new cooking experiments. Then I'll actually look forward to it.

I can't figure out what to make of eggs though. Some of what I read said they were good, some said they were bad, some said they make no difference. Ugh. Either way, I did my "fancy Ramen" tonight as a break from the pasta, and just put 2 eggs in it instead of 3 or 4. It's pretty light for a full meal... but yeah. That's the best I can do for now. The resource my therapist gave me for fitness and dieting (specialized for nerds, which made me go "fuck yeah" =D ) is... a bit more expensive than I think I can budget right now? Unfortunately. But I'm gonna keep it in mind.

I'm trying to keep my motivation going, and use this news as an opportunity to make good changes to my life that I've wanted for a while. I just have this weird reflex that doesn't want to. Like I'm fighting myself. Like... I want to be active. I want to exercise. Not exercising is really weird for me, in the grand scale of my life. I have always been active. But man, being in the city? Where going outside feels... unsafe, to me? When I don't have a car? I have to put a lot of extra effort into making that push out the door worth it.

I guess you don't really know what you've got until it's gone, and I was insanely lucky to have such amazing nature trails so easily available to me for so long.

Alright, I think that's pretty much it for today. I just did yoga, exercised, ate food, watched streams and drew a fuck ton of tiny circles. XD I'll share the piece with you guys once it gets further along... assuming I even can... it's not even half done and it's already 2 fucking gigs!

Oh, I guess one last thing. I had this thought last night... I think it was last night. I think what's fucking me up and making me so anxious is... Most of my life I have been brought to the doctors with the expectation that something bad is wrong with me. And every time (for the most part) it was nothing. Tests were negative, I was surprisingly healthy, despite not taking good care of myself. Now? I go in for a routine physical and they find unhealthy stuff. It's poetic, I guess. But I think that's why it's hitting harder. Because it's like... the first time I let my guard down... XD Also... I keep thinking of one of my teachers/mentors in college... the one that had Asperger's, whose way of viewing the world really changed the way I view art... just... in general. I've been thinking of him lately. He died of... I think an aneurism? He was plowing the driveway at his girlfriend's (my advisor) house and... he was just gone. And yeah... that's been on my mind. That hit close to home, he was like.. my favorite teacher in college, one who a lot of people would shit on for being weird and different. And hearing "high blood pressure" and "high cholesterol", even though they might just be slightly elevated? When you've seen how out-of-nowhere it can just... blink you out of existence? It's kinda lurking in the shadows around me. I can't see (feel) it directly, but I can sense that being a factor in how surreally intense my anxiety has been lately. Just felt that was worth mentioning for self-reference, it seems much more important and relevant than I've been consciously processing.

Tarot time.

Past - VIII: Strength (Overcoming fear, mastery of emotions through equilibrium and inner strength.) Present - Seven of Pentacles, inverted (A pause to evaluate the fruit of your effort. Reflection on accomplishments made thus far.) Future - Nine of Wands, inverted (The Wounded Warrior. Defense, guarding yourself. Suspicion, self-protection. Need rest and recovery.)

Alrighty. We got a new one here, the Seven of Pentacles. I think I can kinda intuitively get the gist of this one, but lets dive in.

The thread starts with a card that I like a lot, one I strive for a lot in my life, but one that's always wavering for me. Strength. The lion-tamer. The state of finding a balance with your inner beast, an equilibrium between conscious and subconscious, logic and emotion. The source of this thread is that state.

What it leads to is... inverted Seven of Pentacles... which is an image of a woman presenting bread that she baked, representing an appreciation of and reflection on the culmination of past labors. This is either something in dysfunction, or is something that is presenting itself to me but I am not engaging with it.

And that leads to... a card that shows up a lot for me, both upright and inverted. The Nine of Wands. The Wounded Warrior. And I read an inverted Nine of Wands to be... stuck in bitterness, defense and suspicion. A very... the-bad-sides-of-Dr. House kinda symbol, for me.

So... my process of overcoming fear and seeking balance with my emotions... has been leading to me struggling to... or neglecting... celebrating my accomplishments. And the result of this... is that I end up trapped in a place of injury, a place of weakness and never-ending recovery. And that weakness and vulnerability... leads to suspicion, and distrust, and constantly being guarded. ANXIETY. So... ironically... my work towards mastering my emotions... has somehow resulted in me being their slave. My attempt to coexist with the inner lion, has me living with The Sahara's Finest prowling around my loft apartment every day. And the big component that is making that so? My inability (or refusal...) to recognize how much I've overcome. How much I've done. How much I've accomplished. How strong I am. How capable I am.

Yep. This one resonates with me a lot. Self-esteem, confidence, is such a huge piece to life. I really need to work on it more. So... my plan to set up streaming stuff tomorrow? That should help. The two biggest things that have helped me cultivate confidence the past several years have been streaming and snowskating/skateboarding. If I can get those balanced into my life? I think it would do a lot of good.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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sat0sugu-angst · 3 years ago

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When you bring up Pegging

Bc I'm a switch and I need it bahaha

cw: anal (m. receiving), dom/sub dynamics, mentions of sex toys, afab reader

included: (jjk) yuuji, megumi, yuta, gojo (mha) shoto, bakugo

all characters aged +22 MINORS DNI

Gojo is super excited by the idea. Mans is a hard-core switch and i won't elaborate. He'll make a dildo fashioned after getos dick (jkjk kinda) and he loves when you put him in his place and wreck him. He loves when you tease him, edging him for hours before you even put it in him. He tries to maintain his composure but you know by the flush on his skin and those short little breaths he takes that he loves what you're doing.

Megumi is not immediately a yes, but doesn't say no. He gets weirdly serious about it (??) like it's a life or death decision. Does a lot of research about prep, but is too embarrassed to buy toys himself so he asks you to get them for him🥰 Eventually let's you try it and oh. my. god. I just imagine the blushies on his face when the discomfort turns into pleasure. He's never so loud during sex than when you top him, and not just loud, but needy. It's the only time he ever whines during sex, and he ends up loving it just as much as when he's in you 🥵

Yuta gets so flustered because it feels so lewd to think about you fucking him, but he's already turned on by the idea because he sees how excited you are by it. I can't help but imagine the little whines he let's out and he is such a good subby he loves to beg for you. I feel like once he gets more comfortable though his favorite position is to ride you😘

Yuuji would probably be immediately no. Like not in a "isn't that gay?" way but just bc he's literally never thought abt it before and the idea of something going in his butt is 😱 to him. You tell him a lot of men like prostate stim and then he's interested, but won't bring it up again. Instead, he starts playing w himself occasionally, in the shower or while he masturbates, because he wants to know if it's something he even likes before he gets your hopes up. He does😈 and during sex once he finally asks you to finger him. It's only a matter of time before he's begging for the strap.

I hc that Shoto is primarily a bottom, so he's probably the one who brought it up first. Is nervous about your reaction but he loves when you heartily agree. Loves to be tied up or blindfolded, Shoto loves to be submissive. It's so fun to tease and tease him because he loves to beg for you.

Bakugo definitely vetoed the idea initially, because he doesn't like letting go of the reigns, but after a while you gently coax him into letting you finger him. It takes a while and a ton of talking before he finally let's you use your strap, and right before you push into him, he gets this serious look on his face, kissing you softly and murmurs "I love you" against you before gasping into your mouth as you enter him 🥵🙈

Omg this was way steamier than I thought it was gonna be (bakugo and megumi got me real riled up for this prompt lmao)

Pls like and rb if you enjoyed it! I'd love to hear feedback from you!!💖

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catboys-need-milk · 3 years ago

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Ms ma'am, I NEED asmo and levi lactation kink headcanons PLEASE IM BEGGING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES! I can't think of anything for asmo myself but like.... Just take a moment to think about Levi just had a really bad game that he lost massively. He needs comfort, he needs to find solace latched onto your breast. He comes to your room and finds you playing a game on your phone. You put it down to pay attention to him but he's so shy! His face is so red, he's trying to ask you for some of your sweet milk, yet all he's doing is stumbling over his words like a poor bumbling fool! But you see the slightly sad look on his face, you already know what he wants. So you simply beckon for him to come over, and he just shuffles over a little awkwardly, so flustered to be doing such a thing in the first place. You scoot over so that he can lay down with you, his face unimaginably close to your tits. You lift your shirt for him and all embarrassment dissipates into thin air. He immediately goes for your nipple, and begins to suckle. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you as close as he can. You pet his hair gently as he drinks. You know how hard it is for him when he loses a game, especially when he comes to you for comfort. So you bask in the quietness, the only sound being his sucking. You'll stay with him like this for as long as he likes.

*stumbles over and fucking dies* heLLO ANON ALLOW ME TO COMPOSE MYSELF 🥴♡♡♡♡

Omg omg omg ok I have SEVERAL things to say about this

1. Hunnnghhhghggigidjxhxhchchch damn ok that made me feel all horny and soft??? 🥵 Fuckfuckfuck...omg.....Levi....sweet boy.....I love how embarrassed he gets its so cute and hot...fuck ^_^' ♡♡♡♡

2. Also Im guessing you've seen my Lucifer headcanons? Well so in there when I listed the brothers who like being fed I didn't include Levi—and tbh I've really been regretting that recently because yeah, I think he definitely would~ 😅 So I think I'll probably go back and add him to that list.

3. Dont worry their headcanons are coming!! ♡ I just take forever to do them because I'm super picky and really try to think up ideas that make sense for the character while also being different from the rest. Like I think every character should connect, experience, and engage in the kink all in their own unique ways. It keeps things from feeling repetitive as well as adding an element of believability to the headcanons and I really like that personally ♡ But Im thinking I'm gonna have Asmo be really playful with it and share you with Solomon, and then for Levi I'm going to incorporate his tongue, tail, and some cosplay~. OH and I still have to do Satan's too!!! I did other headcanons for him a while back but I still need like a standard lactation kink headcanon list for him 😅

4. In the meantime though!!! I have something in my drafts that I've been meaning to finish for a long while, and that you'd probably be very interested in 👀 its basically a longer drabble/fic where he's dressed as a cute nekomaid and trying to suckle from you with his freaky demon tongue. I was gonna try and finish it this week! ^_^

WOW SORRY THIS WAS LONG WTF but thanks for the ask!! ♡♡ Honestly I guess I kinda needed this?? Because my heart wanted to make Levi a lil' milk hungry otaku but I kept going like "aw nah dude I can't retcon myself". But uhhhh yeah I think you broke that so thank you 😅🥵🥵 ♡

(˵Φ ω Φ˵)

#apologies if this post was chaotic #i just had a lot of information i was trying to communicate haha #i love Levi's t0ngue #i want him to v!olate me with it in every way possible #and his tail #im gonna go make myself some rice #oohh and cant forget the wontons #the wontons are essential not negotiable #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me smut #catboys-need-milk

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freaky-flawless · 2 years ago

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So I Got Cleo's G3 Doll

Here's my thoughts under the cut. Just wanna put a disclaimer that I am someone who doesn't consider themself a fan of Gen 3, but is keeping an open mind. So just keep that in mind as you read, I am biased and do compare her to the G1 dolls, but I try to give credit where credit is due.

Like I said previously, I love the doll itself. Her face up is pretty (mine does have a slight imperfection, but its subtle enough that I'm not bothered by it), her hair is pretty, her skin tone and the shimmer they added to it are beautiful. I love her new body as well, though I do wish her torso and neck were a little longer. Specifically I love her big ears and hands. I do like G1 Cleo's hand pose a little bit more, but overall her new hands are great, and because they're bigger they're easier to remove. And finally, this will probably be an unpopular opinion, but I could do without the chest articulation in place of something else, like a doll stand.

I can't say much on the quality of her hair as it's not something I'm all that knowledgeable about. All I can say is that it feels more...plasticy? Compared to her G1 doll's hair. I'm having a hard time getting it to stay flat. I also think it's kinda odd that they seemingly made it a point to give all the dolls long brushable hair, but didn't provide brushes. Don't get me wrong, I have an abundance of Monster High brushes and don't need any more, but kids brand new to the series don't. And as someone with nieces, I can say for sure that they love brushing doll hair. I feel like doll stands and hair brushes are pretty standard things for dolls to come with nowadays, especially at that price range.

I'm very amused at how much she looks like Nefera, in the sense that the two of them look even more related than G1 Cleo and Nefera. It does look to me as though they took more inspiration from Nefera's G1 design more than Cleo's, which is interesting. I also discovered that Nefera's shoes, though they don't fit, match G3 Cleo's outfit pretty well, aside from the black in them.

Speaking of G3 Cleo's outfit...that's where my biggest disappointment lies.

I haven't exactly been subtle about my dislike for her boots. They don't go with the style of her dress, and overall I think giving a character who grew up in a hot desert climate boots is a super weird choice. On top of that I don't find them to be flattering on her new leg molds. Her calves are much thicker now, and adding thick boots to them really accentuates it and makes her look slightly awkward and disproportionate. However the actual quality of them is pretty good. There's a decent amount of detail, and I appreciate that the slit in the back of them doesn't go all the way up so they can't lose their shape, which is actually an issue I have with a couple G1 dolls. I would say the same for her accessories, they're well detailed and the paint job on them is really nice.

Her dress is where things take a nosedive. I think before I was so distracted by how much I disliked her boots that I didn't pay that much attention to her dress. But now that I have her and have felt the material I'm really disappointed by it. I don't know what material was used to make it, but I can assure it's plastic and pretty cheap feeling. Compared to G1 Cleo's clothes it feels like a cheap costume. I will say this material is probably more play proof, but I do have G1 Cleo's basic outfit, which is over ten years old by now, and her jumpsuit still looks brand new, and the material is so soft. It feels like real clothes. And compared to other modern doll lines the quality of her dress is kinda embarrassing. They couldn't have used a nicer material?? And aside from that, she has this new beautiful body mold, I would have really hoped that they'd have given her an outfit to accentuate it a bit more, like Draculaura's does.

Interestingly, I think her outfit in the show and on the box art would look better on her doll, and her doll's outfit would look better on her 3D model.

tldr; the doll is gorgeous, she should have come with a brush and a doll stand, her accessories are well detailed, and the quality of her dress is cheap.

#monster high #monster high dolls #monster high g3 #cleo de nile #debating if i should add pictures but i feel like there are already so many going around that it feels unnecessary #really hope they release fashion packs ghoulie needs a new outfit #other than her outfit i do really like her #and she looks so good next to nefera its wild #i thought the new dolls heads were bigger but they're actually not #i think it's just because of their new big ears and eyes that it looked that way #text post

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ashdreams2023 · 3 years ago

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Ok hi I'm here for the encanto matchups if they are still open. I'm about 5"3 and would like to be matched with a male character. I have black shoulder length hair and I have a indie, vintage, alt aesthetic. My pronouns are she/they and my age range is 13-15. I'm very insecure and embarrassed easily. I also like to mess with people in a good way tho. I've been told that I'm extremely funny since I was a child. I'm kinda shy when you first meet me, but super chaotic when you get to know me. My mom is American and my dad is from the islands. I have two older siblings on my dads side. I tend to fall in love very quickly and I'm lowkey sensitive.

Camilo

He’s very social and most definitely will come up to you and introduce himself

Your style would be one of the things that would catch his eye and immediately grow interest in him

He won’t make fun of any of your insecurities ever, he knows how sensitive people

He also likes to mess with people, especially his family members, just try not to get caught by one of Isabella’s vines or be heard by Delors

He’ll be very interesting in your family and how different they are

You say you fall in love quickly? Well with Camilo you gonna fall in a matter of minutes

He’s seriously gonna make you feel so special and loved, it’s gonna be hard not to just melt each time

#camilo madrigal x reader #encanto #matchups #madrigal

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cocastyle · 4 years ago

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Robin — ONE

Pairing - Joel Dawson x reader

Word Count - 5,047

A/N - this chapter was so much fun getting to write! I wanted to introduce you guys to the dynamic of our two characters before they take off into the world. they are just a super close pair which is definitely going to cause some interesting scenes throughout this movie, especially with Joel being in love Aimee at the moment and Y/N being in love with Joel. but no matter what, it’s their friendship that makes them Y/N and Joel and it’s just the cutest thing.

also, I just want to say, take note of the little letters Joel writes to Aimee. they are definitely going to show growth in Joel’s character as the story goes on :))

if you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

R O B I N

Robin Series Masterlist

⭒❃.✮:▹ ONE ◃:✮.❃⭒

Dear Aimee,

I am wide awake. I've just gotten good at not really moving or breathing.

Being stuck in a survival bunker with a bunch of people who have all found their soul mate is less than ideal.

Karen and Ray got together a few months ago, so they're still kinda in their honeymoon phase. It is super physical. Good for them, you know. They're both very attractive and apparently quite flexible.

Hey, life's short. Especially down here.

After Tim's parents were eaten by a warm of termites, he and Ava became inseparable. In every way.

So pretty much everyone's coupled up down here besides me and Y/N. We're the singles of the bunker and I don't know how I would survive by myself without her. Having your best friend stuck down here with you helps a lot.

Our first baby was born last winter. It was super emotional. Welcome to the apocalypse, kid. The food sucks. At least you'll never know what you're missing.

Kala and Connor got together after Carol died. Carol was a cow who ate a box of laundry detergent and now we only have one cow. Her name's Gertie. Gertie is great. Y/N named her actually and every time someone uses the name she gets this goofy grin on her face that's hard for anyone to not smile back at.

Gertie's not our only food source. We actually have a hunting party that brings back whatever they can from the surface. It was easier in the beginning, you know, before we ran out of bullets. Facing down one of those things with a hanky handmade weapon is no walk in the park. Or that's what Robin tells me. I-I don't go on the hunting parties. They need me in the kitchen. I'm kinda the, uh. . .the chef of the bunker. Everyone likes my minestrone.

Me and Y/N being the only single people in the bunker has its perks too. We get to hang out with Mav1s. Of course, she's not much for conversation anymore. Her core battery's shot, just like every other Mav1s, I'd imagine. Actually never seen a working one.

Other than that, it's become our favorite pass time to mess with the other couples. Or at least that's what Robin does. I kind of just cheer her on.

Sure wish you were here, Aimee. I'd love for you to meet everyone and become closer with Y/N. Maybe we could do a little target practice together.

It's kinda my thing.

- - -

Y/N had been in the middle of dreaming about killing a monster when something began poking her face and pulled her from her slumber. Letting out a groan, the girl turned her head towards her pillow in an attempt to hide her face, but the person was persistent and instead began poking the back of her head instead.

"Joel," Y/N whined in annoyance earning a soft chuckle from the boy as he continued to poke her head. "Joel, I swear if you don't stop poking me right now I'm going to drag you out of this bunker and feed you to the nearest cold-blooded creature."

The poking stopped instantly and she slowly turned her face and let her eyes flutter open for a second to see Joel smiling at her in amusement. "Seven years underground and you still aren't a morning person," he mused.

Y/N groaned and fell further into her pillow as she closed her eyes once again. "I don't think I'll ever be," she muttered, her voice trailing off a bit at the end as sleep tried to take over once again.

"Hey, I just woke you up. Don't go back to sleep," Joel insisted as he reached out to poke her again. However, Y/N was quick to grab ahold of his finger and stop him without even having to open an eye.

"Don't poke me," she told him before letting go of the boy. "I'm tired, Joel. I don't have to see the sun to know it's still shining on the other side of the world. It's too early."

"Actually, it's not too far away from dawn," Joel said earning a groan from the girl because it was in fact too early. The boy frowned and gently nudged her as he rested his head on the edge of her bed. "Come on, Robin. I can't sleep and as my best friend it is your job to keep me from doing anything stupid while I'm awake. You can't exactly do that while sleeping, can you?"

"Joel," Y/N complained.

"Y/N," Joel mimicked. Y/N frowned slightly and Joel sighed before looking away as he got lost in thought. Finally he let out a small gasp and nudged the girl again, a smile appearing on his face, "I'll make you breakfast."

Y/N peeled open an eye at that, flickering her gaze over the boy's eager face before hesitantly saying, "Throw in a piggyback ride all the way to the kitchen and you've got yourself a deal.”

"Deal!" Joel exclaimed as he reached out to grab her hand and shake it. Y/N let out a soft sigh, knowing she was going to regret waking up, but pulled herself up out of bed and let out a yawn. Joel was practically bouncing from foot to foot due to his impatience and Y/N just ignored it as she sat up for a moment longer before looking to Joel.

"Okay, I'm ready," she said and the boy quickly turned around. Y/N lazily got out of bed before slowly getting onto Joel's back. He made sure she was on securely and waited until she had her arms wrapped around his neck and her head tucked into the crook of his neck before he was practically running out of the room.

"Woah! Slow down!" Y/N exclaimed as she almost went toppling off of his back from how bumpy the ride was. Joel slowed to a walk and looked back to her with an apologetic smile while she just rolled her eyes. "You're lucky you're my best friend," she muttered, propping her elbow against the boy's shoulder in order to keep herself up right.

"You know you love me," Joel retorted and Y/N let out a soft sigh for she knew the boy was right. He just didn't understand the kind of love she had for him.

The two were about halfway down the hallway when they suddenly passed a door that was wide open. "Hey, Joel! Hey, Y/N!" a fellow colony member of theirs named Ava greeted.

The best friends turned their heads and instantly looked away, their faces red while Y/N hid her face against Joel's neck once again. "Oh. Hey, Ava," Joel said, coughing awkwardly as he held onto Y/N a bit tighter and tried to ignore the fact that he just saw Ava and her boyfriend Tim being intimate.

"Ava," Y/N greeted.

"Joel. Y/N. How's it going?" Tim asked.

"It's going good, Tim," Joel responded, attempting to hide his small smile as Y/N just shook her head, obviously embarrassed. "How are you. . .How are you doing?"

"Yeah, good," Tim replied.

"Good," Y/N muttered as she sat up a little more and just leaned against Joel's shoulder. "Uh, we were just. . .um. . .heading to the kitchen. Joel here couldn't sleep, so now here we are." She let out an awkward laugh and Ava and Tim returned it.

"Yeah, we know the feeling," Ava told her and both Joel and Y/N made a face.

"Yeah. Probably not for the same reasons," Joel muttered. "Y-You guys's, uh, door's open. Is that. . .did you know that?"

"Yeah," Ava admitted at the same time Tim said, "Yeah, we know."

Both Y/N and Joel didn't move before Joel muttered awkwardly, "Okay." A silence fell among the group after that and Y/N could just feel herself growing more uncomfortable by the second and it was obvious Joel was too.

"Batman, away!" Y/N exclaimed, pointing towards the direction of the kitchens in hopes that they could get away from this situation as quick as possible. Joel chuckled softly and shook his head before bolting off down the hallway making the girl yell at him.

Joel didn't slow down until they were in the kitchen, setting the girl down in a chair before moving across the room. "This better be the best breakfast you have ever created after putting me in that sort of position," Y/N told him. "This is why you sleep at night, so you don't have to see or hear what the others are doing when the lights are out."

Joel just waved her off with his hand and Y/N craned her neck in an attempt to see just what he was doing, but the boy merely moved his body each time so that she couldn't see. "Joel!" Y/N complained, but the boy was already turning around, his hands behind his back as he grinned at her.

She fell silent almost instantly, the grin making her heart skip a beat while she watched him stop on the other side of the counter. "You ready?" he asked and Y/N nodded her head eagerly, her stomach growling at the thought of food. Joel's smile widened and he quickly took his hand out from around his back and slammed an apple onto the table in front of her.

Y/N stared at the apple with a blank look on her face before scowling up at her friend. Joel just smiled and leaned his arms on the counter before he shrugged, "I never said what I was making you for breakfast."

"You didn't make anything," she pointed out, grumbling softly to herself as she grabbed the apple and took a bite out of it. "You tricked me."

"Hey, but look on the bright side," Joel told her and the girl raised an eyebrow. "Now that you're up, we can spend more time together and I don't have to be alone!"

Y/N made a face before looking to her apple and chuckling as she took another bite. "Well, joke's on you because today's planning day," she said, her words making Joel frown because he knew that planning day meant she would be with the hunting crew all day and not him.

"But planning day was last week," Joel complained.

"It was actually last month, but nice try," she replied with a smug smile on her face.

"Can't you skip it? I was wanting you to help me with my aim. I'm using the tips that you said, but it would be different if you were actually there to help," Joel said.

"I'm sorry, Joel, but I have to go. I have to pull my weight somehow," Y/N reminded him.

"Then at least let me help out. I don't do anything around here except make shitty minestrone," Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration and not noticing the way Y/N’s eyes seemed to follow the action.

Y/N set the apple down, rolling her eyes slightly when Joel picked it up and angrily took a bite out of the other side. "First of all, your minestrone is heaven, so never refer to it as shitty ever again," she told him. Joel just looked away and Y/N sighed before reaching out and setting a hand on top of the boy's arm. He hesitantly looked her way and she offered him a small smile. "I know you may think you don't do anything to help out around here, but you do, Joel. You help out in more ways than you may think."

Joel looked away and bit into the apple again. "You're just trying to make me feel better and I appreciate it, but we both know I don't do anything," he muttered. "Not anything important anyways."

"Joel," Y/N began but the sound of someone yelling her name made her fall short. She glanced in the direction of the voice, putting together who was calling for her and why. It was planning day after all and those days always started at dawn so that they could get some training out of the way before mapping out their next hunting trip.

Sighing, Y/N looked back at Joel and gave his arm one more squeeze. "That's my cue to leave," she said, pulling herself up out of her chair. The girl began to make her way towards the door before pausing and looking back at Joel who was just staring at the table with the half eaten apple in hand.

Before Joel knew what was happening, Y/N was jumping on him from behind, her arms wrapping around his frame for a quick hug as she kissed his cheek and said, "Have a great day, Joel. I'll see you later for lunch, okay? Love you." She then slyly stole the apple from him and winked in his direction before running out of the room as her name was yelled out once again.

Joel couldn't help but smile as he watched the girl leave, ignoring the way his heart seemed to skip a beat which was unusual for him.

"Love you too," he whispered.

- - -

Y/N stared at the map in front of them with a contemplating look upon her face. She was resting her head on her hand and gently tapped her finger against her cheek while her eyes flickered over the marks they had already made.

"Why don't we try over here?" Y/N suggested, pointing towards the section that they had already marked off as 'Do Not Enter.'

All eyes turned to her almost immediately and Connor shook his head. "Y/N, you know why we don't go over there," he told her, referencing the incident where half of their hunting squad got killed, but the girl was persistent.

"That was back when we were just beginning our second year down here. We're more prepared now," Y/N told them. "Every time we go hunting, we stay close enough that we can run back to the bunker if needed. We can't keep living like this. I mean, aren't you guys a little bit curious as to what it's like out there?"

There was a unanimous, "No."

Y/N frowned and looked back down at the map, her fingers now brushing across the small area she had been pointing at while the others all watched her. “Y/N," Anna Lucia sighed, walking over to the girl's side and placing a hand on her shoulder. "There are so many unknowns out there and you know that. What if we go out there and our whole hunting party gets eaten by those monsters? What would the others do?"

"Live off Joel's minestrone," Y/N suggested before sighing and looking towards her friend. "But what if we don't die? What if this opens up a whole new world for us?"

Anna Lucia squeezed the girl's shoulder before whispering, "We can't risk it."

Y/N frowned and looked away while Anna Lucia let her hand fall back down to her side. "Anna Lucia's right except for the being able to live off Joel's minestrone thing. I'm pretty sure he'd be out there trying to avenge you before even thinking about making minestrone," Tim spoke up.

"He wouldn't be stupid enough to do that," Y/N assured them.

"He'd be reckless enough," Connor retorted. Y/N gave him a look and the man sighed, "Seriously, Y/N? When are you two just going to grow a pair and tell each other how you feel?"

Y/N blinked in surprise, a light blush taking over her features as she looked around at her friends who were all smirking. "W-What?" she whispered.

"Gosh, you're insufferable sometimes," Anna Lucia muttered jokingly. "It's obvious that you like him and he is your best friend who is also the only one that's still single down here."

"Joel and I—" Y/N hesitated, the thought of actually being with Joel like that making her heart flutter. "We're just friends," she insisted before giving them all a sad smile. "We won't be getting together."

"It's only a matter of time," Anderson smirked making the girl glare in his direction. However, she didn't get a chance to say or do anything because they all were frozen in place as the lights to the bunker flickered on and off before turning on once again.

"What was—" Anna Lucia began, but Y/N could already feel the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end and had a sneaking suspicion of what was happening.

"Breach," she muttered at the same time someone yelled out from another room, "There's been a breach!"

They all ran out of the room, a few of them scanning the perimeter before they made their way to the main room where everyone was waiting to help them get ready. They hurriedly put what armor they did have on their bodies and Y/N was pulling her hair back into a ponytail when she noticed Joel stumbling into the room with all the weapons in hand.

"Guys! Guys! I got the weapons," Joel announced before proceeding to hand them out to the hunters that walked by.

"Stay," Anderson told him as he took a crossbow.

Joel blinked in surprise, "What? What's happening? What's going on?"

"We've been breached," Y/N explained while she waited for Anna Lucia to grab her weapon so that she could finally reach Joel.

"Breached?" Joel asked. "What do you mean? Like, inside the bunker breached?"

"That's what 'breached' means, kiddo. Y/N, come on," Connor demanded causing the girl to sigh in frustration as him and all the hunters left the room. She turned to Joel who was still trying to process what was happening.

"Joel," she said and he quickly turned to her.

"Right. Right. Here," he muttered as he held out a back holster with two katanas strapped in. She had taken them off of a guy back when the apocalypse had first begun. He had been dead and it wasn't like he planned on using them anyways, so she had taken them in order to keep herself alive. They were her weapon of choice, but she was also one of the best shooters they had so she tended to use a crossbow when necessary. "And here's this," he told her before handing her a crossbow as well.

"Thanks," Y/N told him before nodding her head at him and running out of the room.

"Wait!" Joel yelled, but the girl was already gone. "Breached," he muttered to himself in shock before running after his best friend. By the time he made it to where everyone was, Y/N was already inspecting the gate to the sewers with a frown on her face and her crossbow at the ready while some others worked on getting it open.

"Anna Lucia, Y/N and I will engage," Connor directed. "Anderson and Tim, flank us."

"Flank 'em, yeah, okay. Where do you guys need me? The rear, or. . ." Joel trailed off causing them all to look his way, including Y/N.

"I thought we were past this, Joel," Tim told him as they all looked back to gate.

"Past what? You need help. I can help," Joel insisted. "In case you've forgotten, Robin and I are a duo and I know she goes on the hunting trips and I don't, but this I can help with. Let me help."

"You gonna make me say it?" Connor asked.

"Say what?" Joel questioned.

"You can't handle it, Joel," Connor told him.

"You're shook," Tim added.

"Okay, yeah. So, you guys don't get scared ever?" Joel asked them.

"We get scared."

"We all get scared, Joel, but you get really scared."

"We're not trying to make you feel bad."

"We love you, Joel."

"But you're unsafe."

"You're a liability."

"Even on supply runs."

"Guys!" Y/N exclaimed glaring at the men while Joel looked between them a bit confused.

"Okay, why did that speech feel so rehearsed?" Joel questioned.

"He's got a point," Y/N muttered, turning back around while she nervously fidgeted her hands against the crossbow. "If you're going to tell him something like that at least be sincere instead of rehearsing in your mirror beforehand."

"We did not—" Tim began, but the sound of a growl and something banging against metal made them all tense while Joel jumped back a good foot from where he originally was.

"Connor, Y/N," Karen said as she handed a device to the man. Y/N quickly stood up and hurried over, her eyes flickering over the screen where she could see a blue dot making its way through the sewers towards them.

"Shit," she muttered before standing up more and cracking her neck. She got an arrow ready in the crossbow and jumped in place for a moment to get her nerves out. "Let's do this."

"Okay, 30 meters out. Let's move," Connor directed.

The sewer door was pulled down before the hunters began making their way inside. Y/N was about to follow when someone grabbed ahold of her wrist. She looked back, her eyes locking with Joel's as he held on tightly and whispered, "I can help, Robin."

Y/N let her eyes flicker over his face while her mouth opened up to say something. However, she found herself unable to. All she could imagine was Joel getting attacked by whatever creature was in the sewers at that very moment. She couldn't let him go in there, no matter how badly he wanted to. This was the first time a breach like this had ever happened. Who knew what awaited them down there?

The girl rushed forward, hugging the boy tightly and making him stumble back a bit in surprise. She didn't give him time to react before she was pulling away. "I'm sorry," she whispered, quickly turning around and climbing into the sewers. However, she didn't disappear before she yelled out, "No one let Joel follow!"

Joel's eyes widened. "What?" he exclaimed before attempting to rush forward, but Tim was already there to stand in his way. "Tim, you got to let me go with her. I can't let her go alone. I-I can help."

"She'll be fine, Joel. Y/N’s a survivor. She won't let whatever creature this is take her down," Tim assured him before reaching out to grab the curtain. "You heard what she said. Now go with them." He then pulled the curtain between the two, effectively blocking Joel's view of the tunnel and leaving the boy standing there with a numb feeling coursing through his body.

"Robin," he muttered in frustration before turning on his heels and running to the room everyone was in. The door was locked behind him and Joel quickly shoved his way to the front so that he could watch the monitor with Karen and Kala.

They could all see five yellow dots moving through the tunnels near a bigger blue dot in the center of the screen. "They're getting close," Karen muttered, a silence falling upon them all as they noticed the five dots stop not too far away from the creature. Before anyone knew what was happening, the blue dot lunged out and grabbed ahold of one of the yellow dots.

"Shit."

"Oh, my God."

"It's got one of 'em."

"What about the others?"

The lights began to flicker while Joel felt his heart drop to his stomach. "Y/N," he whispered, his voice making everyone look his way. He was pale, his hands shakily holding onto the crossbow in his hands.

"We don't know if that's her, Joel," Karen tried to tell him. "She could be fine. She—"

"I'm going after her," he said before turning and running for the door. Everyone's eyes widened as people began to make a move towards him, by the boy was quick and already had the door open.

"Joel!" Kala yelled.

"They need help. My best friend needs help. I'm going," Joel insisted before running out the door and slamming in shut behind him.

Joel spun around quickly, crossbow in the air while he nervously looked around the bunker. It was like he was walking into a foreign place, the usual warm feeling of the bunker being replaced with nothing but an eerie feeling and a coldness that shook him to his very core.

His breathing was shaky as he began to walk forward, his eyes flickering around his surroundings while Joel tried to keep himself calm. The only thing keeping him from collapsing in fear was the knowledge that Y/N was out there possibly hurt. He had to get to her. He had to.

The lights flickered as he slowly made his way back towards the tunnels where he knew he had his best access to the others. It was a deafening silent as he walked into the room, so quiet in fact that his ears were ringing.

He nervously looked around and adjusted his hands on the crossbow. As he grew closer to the curtain Tim had pulled out earlier, a new sound filled his ears while his feet slowly stepped in the new puddles of water and blood that were on the ground. The sight made him feel sick to his stomach, so Joel did his best to keep his eyes staring straight ahead.

A lightbulb exploding behind him made the boy jump and spin around, his eyes wide in fear before he realized what had happened and turned back around. He could hear Tim and Connor's words replaying over and over in his head.

We all get scared, Joel, but you get really scared.

You're unsafe.

You're a liability.

Joel walked forward and took in a shaky breath as he attempted to push the voices from his head. His eyes continued to survey the area and he hesitated at the sight of a figure on the other side of the curtain. It almost looked like—

"Connor?" Joel questioned, his voice barely above a whisper. When there was no response, Joel furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and lowered his crossbow just a bit. "Connor?"

It was at that moment that a loud hissing sound came from the other side of the curtain and Connor's body limply flew across the room before being shoved into the mouth of whatever creature was over there with him. Lights from the other side shinned their shadows against the curtain and Joel's eyes widened in fear as he slowly took a step back.

Joel's whole body was shaking, his eyes tearing up a little as he feared for not only his life, but Y/N’s as well. If the creature had done what it did to Connor with Y/N. . .well, Joel didn't even want to think about what he would do.

It seemed he wouldn't have to because at that moment the monster finished up eating Connor and turned its attention towards the curtain. It made a noise that Joel swore was able to rattle his bones. The crossbow was back up in position once again, but his hands were shaking so badly that he knew if he didn't get his fear together he was going to be the monster's dessert to the meal it just ate.

The monster began to stand up on the other side of the curtain, its shadow growing bigger and making Joel gulp. He shakily got the crossbow ready to fire before freezing at the sight of the monster appearing over the top of the curtain.

There were tears in his eyes at this point and Joel couldn't even move as he watched the monster tear the curtain down before moving towards him. A few tears slid down his face and Joel felt the fear and panic coursing through his veins.

He closed his eyes as the monster grew nearer, his face confronting in pain and fear as he felt the monster's breath fanning his face and heard the growls rattling in his head.

Then before he knew what had happened, he heard the sound of something flying through the air and then the monster cried out in agony. He felt someone rush by him and opened his eyes to find Y/N standing above the monster's dead body, one katana dripping with blood in one hand while the other protruded from the center of the monster's face.

"D-Did I kill it, or did you?" Joel whispered, her eyes flickering between Y/N who still had yet to turn around and look at him, Tim, and Anna Lucia.

"What do you think?" Anna Lucia asked.

"Robin," he muttered for he knew she had been the one to save him, his eyes flickering back over to his best friend. It was then that she turned to look at him, her whole body shaking as she breathed heavily and attempted to calm herself down. Joel inhaled sharply at the sight of her, her face covered in dirt and blood while a scratch ran down the length of her arm from where the monster had no doubt tried to grab ahold of her.

Joel began to break at that, tears rolling down his face even more while Y/N pulled the other katana out of the monster's head before shoving them both into their sheaths. She moved forward in an instant, her hands grabbing ahold of Joel's arms while she looked to him with a worried gaze.

"Joel, are you okay? Are you hurt?" she asked earning a slow shake of his head in response. "What were you doing? What were you thinking? You could've gotten killed!"

Joel slowly lifted his gaze to her, his whole body still shaking as he whispered, "You-You were in trouble, Robin. I—"

Joel was unable to finish what he was saying, his words being cut off as he closed his eyes and more tears fell. It was obvious he was holding back a sob due to the fact they were in front of other people and Y/N felt herself soften almost immediately.

She was wrapping her arms around his neck without a second thought, pulling him in for a hug which Joel quickly accepted. His arms were around her waist and he held onto her tightly while he shook, his tear filled eyes flickering to the ground where the monster that had been seconds away from killing him laid dead on the ground.

- - -

Oh, and I have a pretty severe freezing problem.

But I am working on it.

- - -

Tag List

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@eternallyvenus

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#love and monsters #love #and #monsters #dylan o’brien x reader #dylan o'brien #joel dawson #joel dawson imagine #joel dawson x reader #joel #Dawson #Aimee #Clyde #minnow #boy #apocalypse

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