#(i’m a hypocrite. i will never accept it and i will forever be upset and jealous of everyone who has seen them)

[eunhos]

.

[sin-of-sloth-my-ass]

The Fallen Fairy Pt. 1

A/N: I noticed how inactive the Tumblr side of this fandom is 🤔 If you have any request don't hesitate to ask!

Previous ~ Next

warnings: spoilers

genre: neutral? Bit of Angst?

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"What ya looking at?" Your curious eyes peeked over King's shoulder as you followed his gaze that was directed at Diane and Howzer.

King let out a scream by your sudden appearance behind me, making everyone turn to look at you two curiously, but he waved it off "don't scare me like that, (Y/N)"

"It's been a while since I've been able to scare you, hasn't it" you smiled mischievously, but your words held a lot more meaning than just playfulness. The guilt of that ominous day is something the Fairy King will have to bear to his grave. Your once golden like wings were gone never to be seen again. It was a time never to be spoken of as it was a dreadful day to the both of you.

"Say, my king, you sure you're the sin of sloth? You act more like the sin of envy in my eyes" you mused as you lean your chin in your hands, all while a playful smile was playing on your lips.

Kings scoffed "I told you not to call me that any more. I'm not fit to be a king."

"And I'm not fit to be a fairy any more, but here we are" you replied nonchalantly as you turned in your seat to watch Meliodas and Ban intoxicating themselves with the golden liquid humans couldn't resist.

"What about you? I've seen you staring at Ban a couple of times" He asked as he was the one following your gaze this time.

Unbeknownst to King, it wasn't Ban you had been staring at, but the man opposite of him that held so much resemblance to your past lover. It almost felt like a cruel joke "it's not that deep, besides he's still not over Elaine, so I don't think I have that much of a chance."

"Oi, Tinkerbell" Meliodas called, snapping you out of your haze. Due to your bewildered eyes, a smirk grew on his face as you reminded him of a kid that got caught doing something it shouldn't do.

"What do you want devil's child" you shot back, regaining composure and copying the same smug look he had.

"(Y/N)" King gasped at your response "he's the captain! Don't go around and throw names out like that"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It's all a joke, right Meliodas?" you defended yourself, but the mischievous look in your eyes didn't go unnoticed by the said boy.

"It's alright King. I know she's just joking" he reassured him. "Anyway, I think the customers could use another round"

"Go ask Elizabeth" you waved him off.

"She's at the capitol" he replied. You grith your teeth "what about Gowther?"

"He went with Merlin somewhere" he informed, amused by your growing irritation "you know our deal. When those two aren't around, you're the one serving the customers"

"Fine" you breathed as you head up from your seat and went behind the bar to give everyone their respective drinks.

"Thank you! What about the uniform, though?" He teased to which you rolled your eyes "don't push it"

To your luck, Elizabeth soon enough arrived, letting you escape the tedious deal you made with the captain of the Seven Deadly Sins.

"Diane!! Let's go train!"

You ran outside the boarhead before Meliodas could come up with a way to rope you into working longer.

You did your best to keep up with Diane's long strolls, cursing in your mind how easier it would've been if you still had your wings.

Once you were deep in the forest and excluded enough from any living creature, you took your fighting stance.

"You know you could always ask Merlin to take a look at your wings. Maybe she finds a way to fix them" Diane said as you did your best to dodge her Golems.

"Mhm, I know. I don't want too, though. It's a reminder to myself of how I failed my kind and how I should work every day to become stronger." You explained as you slashed one of the stone creations with your katana, making it crumble to the floor. You quickly dodged as the other was already coming at you with its fist.

Diane frowned at your answer "you know it wasn't your fault, right?"

"They trusted me. I was their number one defence line and I failed them. I was the royal guard. The one that should protect the Fairy King. How can I possibly be fit for that role when I couldn't even protect my friends? It should've been only me that got killed that day, not them." You mumbled the last part. Diane's creations collapsed as you kicked it with all your force against a tree. You took in the giants emotional state and knew continuing to train was not an option. "Let's go back, shall we?"

By the time you got back, the night had fallen over Britannia. The boardhead was filled with intoxicated people passed out all over the place.

You head up to the roof to look out on the capital that had a few lights brimming in the otherwise dark city.

"I see you made Diane upset," Meliodas said as he joined you and handed you a bottle of ale which you gratefully accepted.

"She asked me why I didn't go to Merlin to see if she could get my wings back" you replied as you took a swig of the toxic liquid.

"You shouldn't blame yourself," he said.

"It's the second time I let my people down" you sighed "if death is not the answer, I guess this is the second-best thing"

"How do you feel about the seal?" He asked as he observed your reaction quietly.

You pressed your lips together as you let his questions sink in "I know it's bad news but at the same time... I haven't seen him in 3000 years"

"I know" he sighed, understanding your conflicted feelings "I hope you understand where I'm coming when I say I'm gonna do everything in my power to prevent them from breaking loose"

"Yeah... I know" you hugged your knees while placing your chin on them "when are you gonna tell them"

"When the time is right" he answered truthfully "what about you? King doesn't know how old you really are, does he?"

"He never asked" you shrugged.

"Would you tell him?" "I don't see why I wouldn't"

"Would you also tell King about him?" You stayed silent at that question, unsure whether it would benefit anyone if you were to tell him. "It's getting late, don't stay up too late."

With that Meliodas left, soon to return as you always had a chat in the midst of the night, while everyone is sound asleep around you

The upcoming sun awoke you from your place on the roof of the boarhead. You lazily sat up and admired the rose gold basked city that was slowly waking up as well.

"Hey Ban, planning on sneaking out without telling anyone?" You heard your king's voice, snapping you out of your dreamy haze.

You observed the two for a little until Ban said something that caught you off guard "I'm going back to the Fairy King's Forest"

It was hard to see their faces from up to where you were seated, but you knew King held a shocked face, mimicking yours.

Your eyes trailed them until you could no longer see them, making you swallow hard as you realized the Fairy King didn't even bother to get you "hypocrite"

You hopped off the roof and went back inside the bar, starting to clean up the mess everyone made the night before.

"Are you sick?" Meliodas asked when he walked downstairs to see who was making all that noise.

"King and Ban left to go to the Fairy King's Forest" you said, not sparing him a second glance.

"How come you didn't go? I thought you went everywhere King went" he asked as he helped you grab a couple of empty bottles.

"He clearly didn't want me there, after all, he left without saying anything." You mumbled "Diane's gonna be heartbroken"

"(Y/N)" Meliodas narrowed his eyes at you. For all those decennia he has known you, he knew something had to be terribly wrong for you not be by the Fairy King's side "I'm no longer a fairy, now am I? Fairies have wings, I don't"

"Neither has King" the captain of the seven deadly sins pointed out.

"He can still grow them. Mine are gone forever" you shot back. "Besides I'm very certain the forest wouldn't give me a third chance. It would be gut-wrenching knowing I could never return there"

"So you rather bask in the unknown?" You silently continuing to clean the used glasses was a sign for him to drop the subject "welp, it can't be helped. Guess you'll be the substitute for King"

"I could never replace my king" you shook your head.

"Your loyalty after all these hundreds of years still ceases to amaze me" he chuckled, making you smile a little as well.

You decided to stay back at the boarhead while the others went to the capital for the ceremony. It was a quiet day as you presumed most of the people of Britannia were at the ceremony to praise the Seven Deadly Sins.

You headed up to your usual spot on top of the boarhead and stared off in the distance and wondered when everything had become such a mess.

It crossed your mind that if Gloxinia was still here he'd probably be ashamed of how weak you've become. He'd probably turn his head at how you let the humans cut off your wings. After all, he warned you more times than you could count that humans should not be trusted. Yet here you were handing them alcohol in return for some golden coins. He'd be rolling in his grave if he'd caught wind of what you were doing right now.

A sudden tremor shook you literally out of your thought process and that's when you felt him. There was no mistake. Even after 3000 years, it still felt so familiar to you.

It didn't take long before Meliodas appeared back at the boarhead. "You felt it too, didn't you"

"Yes," you replied as looked at the Captain of the Seven Deadly Sins. His head hung low while an unease aura clouded his whole body "they're here"

[anfie-in-the-box]

Dreamtale_Not_Found Teaser

Notes

Nobody asked for this, including me. I never intended to participate in Aftermare Week (and I'm a bit late as it is). Furthermore, I never could figure this ship out at all; for me, it just didn't work. Until suddenly, it did. All thanks to this event. Not sure if I'd expand this idea, but have this teaser nonetheless.

。。。

Do you?..

"Well, that's new," Nightmare says out loud, unsure how to react.

To be fair, it's always something new unless he concentrates on a certain AU. There are too many of them, so it's only natural they come and go.

He's been through this so many times, yet it's as awe-inspiring and breathtaking as ever. He still remembers the first time. He couldn't put up with his life anymore, and he tried to change it. Only... He hesitated a mere second before making contact with the closest golden apple. After all, he never touched it.

There's no proof, but it felt like the whole world shifted, settling in a state completely different from before.

That night, for the first time in his life, Nightmare had a dream. It wasn't a good dream; quite the opposite actually. He remembered walking in a cold, empty world filled with what he thought was snow. Of course, it was monster dust. He learned that shortly after, right as he stumbled into a human murdering an armless lizard-like monster. The air was thick not only with dust but also with grief, horror, and pain. Nightmare's never felt so much negativity in one place.

As time passed, his lucid dreams have become more and more frequent. He explored a world he was dreaming about, invisible, untouchable. The worlds were different every time, each of them unique in its own way, and he craved to learn and see as much as possible in what little time he had. Need to hurry made him upset at first, but then excitement came, the thrill of a race against time, a gamble of what he discovers and what misses, what chooses and what discards.

He was so vulnerable back then, no wonder he'd fallen into a trap of escapism, sleeping more and more every day. Dream was so worried, and Nightmare... Nightmare couldn't care less. He just wanted to get out of the world where everybody neither loved nor accepted him. Or, well, he believed so. What a fatal fallacy that was.

Now, his life is balanced and bearable, yet, the dreams stay a welcome distraction and adventure that Nightmare awaits with eager anticipation. They never cease to surprise.

Like this time. He got thrown into so many different places, but this one is something else. There doesn't seem to be anything but a tiny lawn with two words above, and then, there's only endless darkness. "Continue" and "Reset", the words say. Nightmare is vaguely aware of the concept after visiting so many universes, but... Is this really what it looks like? Even if so, what is he doing here? His dreams always led him to monsters or humans, but this place is utterly empty.

Did something break? Was he abusing his power to travel between the worlds? Is this his punishment? Will he stay here forever? What about Dream? He's strong, he'd live on even if Nightmare never woke up or disappeared for good, but Nightmare doesn't want to bring that on his brother!

"Anybody here?" Nightmare tries, despite the anxiety building in his whole being, verging on panic. It's all for nothing, of course, he's invisible, untouchable, and inaudible during his dreams, he's never present enough in another world to interact with it. But doing something — anything at all — is better than giving in to panic.

Then, suddenly, a voice comes from the darkness, astounded yet wary, "the heck?!"

Nightmare shrieks, taking a step back and instantly going on the defensive. Ready to cover himself or dodge.

"who's there?"

Now that all Nightmare's senses are heightened by fear, he can actually see where the voice comes from. A distant figure coming his way in fast, big steps, running almost.

Wait...

"Do you... hear me?" he asks, not quite sure if he expects an answer or a lack of it.

"duh. see ya, too."

Okay. Alright. They're not attacking, only coming closer. No reason to relax yet, but perhaps he should show them he's not a threat. Ever so slowly, Nightmare raises both hands. For some reason, that earns him a... chuckle?

He doesn't even see there are two of them at first. The only thing he can focus on is those weird white things covering their heads. He's never seen anything like this before. What is this? Are they okay?

Then, he remembers what types of worlds he has access to.

Then, he sees a huge bloody slash across the creature's chest.

Everything falls into place.

They're really, really not okay.

Only then, he finally realises there isn't only one creature before him. A monster wearing his face — or, well, about a half of it, the other being covered by this strange white thing, — a Sans of this universe, if it even is a universe, it seems; and a kid sitting on his shoulders, covered by the whiteness as well.

"did we startle you?" Uncertain, Nightmare nods, his gaze glued to the blood dripping from the slash. It's rude to stare, he might make this Sans mad, but just can't get himself to look anywhere else. It doesn't help that there's nothing to look at. Definitely nothing as vibrant, not even the grass behind their back. No, Nightmare can't look away even if it'd be the death of him.

"so? mind telling me who you are? or how you entered this place, maybe? dunno, don't care, you choose what comes first."

The stranger's tone is nonchalant, but Nightmare can sense other's emotions, so there's no way that's fooling him. They're confused and distressed. And in so much pain that never ends.

"I'm dreaming," Nightmare falters. It suddenly hits him that he's actually talking to somebody from another world. One of those he's never present enough in. What changed? Could it be this place that affects him? If so, wouldn't that be a trap, a prison with no way out?..

Stars, please, anything but that. He doesn't want to leave his brother.

The stranger's only socket widens in surprise. He looks as taken aback as Nightmare feels, truly.

"but you're not..." he mutters, clearly talking to himself. Shakes his head abruptly, earning a huff from the child on his shoulders. "sorry, kiddo, didn't think that through. you good?" They nod. "then, do me a favour and go play with the blasters, 'kay?" He lifts them with magic Nightmare is all too familiar with and summons the blasters, although smaller than Nightmare's accustomed to. The child pouts but goes away without a word, settling on a lawn.

"okay, let's start over. first, put your hands down, that looks uncomfortable." Says someone with a seemingly eternally bleeding wound, Nightmare thinks but does as asked. It's not like he's in any position to choose. "seems you're more afraid of me than i'm of you if your shaking's anything to go by. relax, kid, i'm not gonna hurt ya if you're not gonna hurt me."

He's not a kid. Not anymore. He really is shaking, though. Haven't even noticed. But that's not surprising at all, he still doesn't know what to expect.

"I'm not a kid," Nightmare says before he can stop himself. The stranger just shrugs, "then give me something to call you, why don't ya?"

That's... actually reasonable. His name never came up.

"Nightmare," the stranger gives him a quizzical look, so he clarifies. "That's my name. Nightmare."

"wow. somebody has a dark sense of humour or something?" Nightmare's not sure how to respond, but he doesn't get the chance anyway. "no, sorry, that's kinda hypocritical of me. name's geno."

As in genocide?

Nightmare doesn't ask that. Maybe he just heard that word too much during his travels.

"so, nightmare. how did you get here?"

。。。

Credits:

Undertale © Toby Fox

Dreamtale © jokublog

Aftertale © loverofpiggies

Aftermare Week © @bluepalleteuniverse

。。。

Notes

I tried to explain as much as possible in this little teaser, but if you have any questions, ask away. Although some things might be spoilers, and I'm planning to do something with this idea. If not a full story, perhaps a collection of shorter ones would suffice. It's not set in stone yet.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and take care 🌻

[what-is-denial-if-not-fanfiction]

AU! Where Peter doesn't know Erik is his father. Just a little ficlet that's been on my mind lately.

---------

The best thing about Pietro Maximoff was his sister, Wanda. They were opposites in everyway - she was jaded, Peter was happy-go-lucky. They would argue and almost blow up Marya's house but it was their thing. In every moment that defined who Peter was she was there.

Then Wanda died. And Peter couldn't do anything. He should have seen it coming. But he didn't.

So, surrounded by his friends,  who had decided to throw him a surprise birthday party - he had never felt so alone.

"Do.. you not like it?" Ororo tentatively asked.

Peter was staring blankly at the cake, eerily still. He didn't want to celebrate, not when he knew he wasn't supposed to be alone.

"I'm sorry I- need to go," he choked out.

"Peter, wait!" Mystique yelled after him, but he was already too long gone.

--

Time moved far too slowly for Peter. But Wanda had always been there to make it a little bit more bearable. He knew that her spiral started when their powers manifested. People would look at them in disdain, twins who had red and silver hair and a boy who couldn't keep still for more than a single second. So they hid their powers even if it only lasted for a while.

They'd spend their days wondering what would have happened if their father was there to teach them. Would they then feel any semblance of normalcy? Would they be accepted? Would he be proud of them?

They'd spend hours making plans, that once they turned eighteen they'd set out to find their father, even if it was just to know.

Even when they were apart they could always feel what the other was, where the other was. Then nothing.

The days when they fought were always the worst, where Wanda would tell Peter that he couldn't possibly understand - not knowing how to control your powers. She was right, he didn't. But that didn't mean that Peter suffered anything less. What he wouldn't give now, to make even those days last forever.

Peter sat beneath his favorite tree in Westminster Manor, where he would often be found listening to his walkman watching the students of the school.

The moon was beautifully full tonight, and the thick coolness of the midnight air was wrapping itself around Peter like a blanket. Taking another swig at his beer, he looked down at the photo he held reverently between his fingers and the tears started to flow again.

--

Erik, like the rest of the X-men, was left worried by the reaction that the boy had. Charles had advised to give Peter time, and in Erik's defense, he had certainly tried - but something pulled him towards the boy. At first he had tried to ignore the niggling ache whenever he was near him but he couldn't help but be drawn in.

Thankfully, it didn't take too long to find the silver-haired boy.

"Why did you leave?" Erik asked, sitting down beside Peter. And suddenly a pair of startlingly glassy eyes were set on him. Peter had been crying.

"Because there used to be two cakes. Now, there's only one," Peter said.

He was confused, was Peter truly greedy enough to be upset by, God forbid - a lack of cake?

"What do you mean-" his voice laced with irritation. But was cut off by himself when his eyes landed upon a photo that Peter was holding.

"I had a twin."

And it didn't elude Erik that Peter had used the word had. Past tense.

"I'm sorry."

"Nah man, I probably owe the guys an apology for leaving like that. It's just-"

"You don't have to say anything," putting his hand on Peter's shoulder. He was surprised how much the boy leaned in to his touch, but he knew what it felt like to grieve.

"She killed herself, a couple of months before Apocalypse. I guess she was finally tired of hiding, of being ridiculed, of being feared. I knew she felt bad but I never did anything. I should've seen it coming."

"You shouldn't have had to hide."

"I know, but for a guy who moves as fast as me, I always seem to be too late."

There were no words that Erik could offer, not without sounding patronizing nor hypocritical. He knew first hand what it was like for your powers to fail you. With Anya, with Magda, with Nina.

"Tell me about her-" gesturing to the photo "-what was she like, was she a runner like you?"

Peter's mouth twitched, barely making a ghost of a smile.

"Wanda? A speedster? Pfft. No. No. She was- like Jean. From her powers and red hair to boot."

"Oh?"

"At first I was so jealous because she manifested earlier than me. She was nine then. I was eleven when my powers showed up and even still man, she could make beams and move things and read minds and me, I could run," Peter snorted derisively.

"Don't put yourself down Peter, God knows what I would've done with powers like yours."

"I'm sorry about them."

"What else?" choosing instead to change the topic.

"We..uh, this was taken in our backyard-" looking down at the photo "we'd pretend to be superheroes, I was Quicksilver and she'd be Scarlet Witch. Drove our aunt crazy we did - having to clean the backyard with the mess we made."

"Aunt? You don't live with your parents?"

"No. Our mom died giving birth to us"

"And your father?"

"We don't know him. He doesn't even know exist. All we got from our aunt was that he could control metal and his name."

"They told me you control metal"

"My mom once knew a guy who could do that"

Erik went still. Sensing this Peter hastily added, "Don't worry man, it's not you."

"His name?" His heart was beating rapidly - some quick math was all it took, Peter was 28. His voice apprehensive even to his own ears.

"Magnus Eisenhardt."

Erik remained frozen in his seat. Beside him was Peter - his son. His son that he didn't even know he had. The joy that suddenly filled him knowing he had someone was quickly overtaken by anguish - he had a son that he was never there for, and yet another daughter dead.

For the blow to be lessened or worsened by that he didn't know. He didn't know her at all to truly grieve, but that was the point wasn't it - he didn't know her and she was gone before he could.

"He was the reason I came here."

"Really, why?" Erik had said with forced casualty, only hoping that Peter wouldn't notice.

"Wanda- she.. she always wanted to find him. To meet him, we made plans back then to look for him but they never happened. When she died, I thought... maybe, if I could find him for her, she'd be happy. And the Professor technically owes me for breaking you out - so I thought maybe he could help finding him with Cerebro. But then Apocalypse happened and.." Peter's thoughts trailed.

"And now?" Erik had to know.

"I don't know anymore. I wanted to find him even then, but I'm 28 now. When I was a kid, when we were kids we'd dream of being with him and finally feeling normal. Like we belonged. Marya tried. She really did - but she could only do so much to help us. Now, he- he's probably moved on. A different family, a new life. I don't want to disturb all that for some childish dream. I mean, what am I even gonna say when I meet him? When he demands proof? 'Hi I'm Peter, I'm your son, so remember my mom? She was your wife, you had a daughter then there was a fire then she died and then she left? Turns out she was pregnant and now there's me. Did I mention I have twin? She's dead too by the way'" a bitter chuckle rose from Peter.

How ironic then that Peter was saying that to his father. He knew that had Peter known he wouldn't have said so, so bluntly but that wouldn't make it hurt any less than the knife that was now twisting in his gut.

"Peter-"

"Pietro." The boy replied.

"It's my real name. We had to change our names to fit in. We already had silver and red hair. Only takes a weird name for us to be branded even more freakish than we already were."

Erik's mouth was as dry as cotton now, and tears were threatening to slip from his eyes.

"We should... probably head back man. I'm sorry for bothering you like this. I just-"

"Pet- Pietro. You didn't bother me. I came here. I- any man would be happy to know you're their son. If you want to talk again..."

Peter smiled. "Thanks, Erik."

Ps. Was definitely not proofread. I'm sorry.

[novantinuum]

The whole "Steven turning into a monster is a way to call people with mental illnesses monsters, and he got cured by a hug" take is one of the worst ones I've seen. Like, if someone thinks this, were you paying attention? At all? Steven felt upset and monstrous for all the stuff that happened in Future (people leaving him, shattering Jasper, Diamond projection, etc) and that made him feel disgusted with himself. He transformed into a monster because he /felt/ like one, not because the mentally ill are monsters. And the whole "cured with a hug thing" was his family showing that they accepted him. Even if he isn't the "lovable classic Steven" he once was. It was a step in the right direction, Steven knowing that his family still loves and supports him through everything. And because he felt safe enough to, he cried.

(Sorry for going off in your inbox like that, I was just thinking of this today though, and seeing you post about the same thing just inspired me to go off a little.)

No need for apologies, ahah! I’ve been there XD

Also, I 100% agree with this! I see Steven turning into a monster as representative of the self-loathing and distorted view of reality that often assails individuals who are dealing with mental illness. At that moment in time, all of the mistakes Steven had made (which, some of them ARE genuinely mistakes that he’ll have to eventually own up to- see: Jasper) had convinced him that he wasn’t worthy of change or atonement, wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love or worry, because he’s just a shattering monster and that’s all he’ll be forever. Not to mention, the whole visit with White Diamond had convinced him that he truly has DESIRE to shatter, when in actuality, no- he never made a move in reality to shatter White Diamond, it was all hallucinations, and one’s intrusive thoughts are not in fact an accurate representation of what a person truly believes or wants. In many cases, they’re actually what a person fears or hates the most. Which is why they’re intrusive.

In SUF, Steven is going through that oh-so-relatable mental illness experience of “everyone else deserves love and support and isn’t forever chained to their past mistakes and can grow and change, but of course I am the one exception to this rule.” The more we the audience think about that sentiment it doesn’t make sense! It’s hypocritical in a really sad way. And that’s exactly the point. When you’re in a spot like this, dealing with trauma, dealing with all the mental baggage that comes as a result, you are not able to see the reality around you clearly. You are often not able to understand the pathways of your own mental processes clearly. 

What the Crystal Gems and Greg and Connie and the Diamonds did in episode 19 did nothing to immediately improve Steven’s ability to better understand the leaps and backflips his mind takes amidst his trauma to convince himself that he’s worthless and unworthy of love. All they did was affirm that- even if he can’t understand why at this moment- they DO love him, and they will always love him. And I honestly can’t express just how important this type of affirmation is amidst early recovery.

The hug was not a cure. The hug was just a baby step. The hug was just their attempt to carry him down from what essentially reads as a souped-up diamond version of a panic attack.

True, holistic healing did not happen in just a few minutes, nor did true, holistic healing happen by the end of episode 20.

Healing and recovery is something that takes TIME and work. It’s something that may involve one or even a combination of various tactics... support groups, talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, non-pharmacologic remedies like massage therapy or sun lamps or acupuncture, etc. etc. etc. There’s tons of things people turn towards to relieve stress and begin to understand the workings of their own mind, and how to better cope, and I could never hope to name them all.

We actually see some of these tactics in episode 20. For instance, Steven has an exercise routine now. (Keeping active can do wonders to relieve stress and encourage release of endorphins!) He’s been visiting his friends instead of secluding himself away like in earlier episodes. He mentions that he’s been seeing a therapist, and plans on continuing this over his trip. He is expressing healthier tendencies when it comes to sharing his non-happy emotions instead of bottling them up. He’s not perfect at this yet. No one’s recovery is going to be perfect, nor will it be a continuous upward journey. There will be good days, and there will be bad days. That’s natural. But he is clearly trying, and that’s worthwhile.

IMO, I can understand the sentiment of “I wish SUF explored Steven’s mental health recovery in more depth,” because part of me also wishes that. But in the end, I believe the fandom needs to come to accept that there are certain dimensions of that recovery process that are just too raw and personal for a show on a kid’s cartoon channel to realistically tackle in a satisfying way. So to compensate for that, Crewniverse gave us a broad framework. They fed us details that showed he is on that path of recovery now.

They are encouraging us to fill in the blanks.

Which is absolutely why much of my post-SUF fanfiction has been seeking to do exactly that.

But quite honestly, I’m really tired of the whole idea that “Crewniverse wants us to believe Steven is 100% ‘cured’ of mental illness by episode 20,” because that’s simply not true.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch46: Just A Formality

Intro: Emmy gets into a spot of trouble at school, which leads the family to make a joint decision that will change their lives forever. And together with their friends they celebrate Jamie’s birthday, will a little surprise for Emmy too. 

Warnings: Bad Language words. Slight angst (teenagers) and Steve being a very overprotective dad…

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: Yeah, I love this chapter. I hope you all do too. And thank @angrybirdcr​ for the edit...it mushed my insides!

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 45

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

 February 2021

“So what do you think?” Rhodey asked as he stood, arms folded, looking at the screen. Natasha was stood next to him, nervously chewing on her nail and Steve was looking at the rather gory photos that they had been sent through from the Mexican Authorities.

“Is it definitely him?” Steve sighed, looking at the screen again. In a million years he would never have expected Barton to be capable of such out and out gore and violence, but then again the man had lost his entire family- wife and three kids. Steve wasn’t sure how he would react should anything happen to Katie, Emmy or Jamie.

“Yeah.” Nat sighed, pressing another button. This time it flipped to some CCTV footage of the incident. They three of them watched as Clint took down six gang members, brutally, and with a final swipe of the samurai sword he was holding almost severed one man’s head completely from its shoulders. “Same MO, same fight pattern, and the facial recognition software caught him about five miles north of this town less than two hours before this happened.” “He’s getting more and more vicious.” Rhodey spoke. “I suppose we should be grateful in a way he’s taking down people that we should be stopping but how long till someone gets caught in the cross fire?” “Clint wouldn’t-” Natasha began but Steve cut her off.

“Once I would agree with you.” he sighed, looking at her “But now, well, Nat, he’s…” “Lost it.” Rhodey concluded

“So would you if you’d seen your wife and kids turn to dust.” Nat’s voice was fierce as she turned to look at him.

“I know.” Rhodey held his hands up “I can’t even imagine what he went through.”

Steve looked at Nat, recognising the pensive look on her face. “What you thinking?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m gonna fly out to Mexico. Rhodey, can you come with me? We’ll see if we can dig anything up?” Rhodey nodded. Steve was about to offer his services too, but then his phone started ringing.

“Hey beautiful.” He greeted Katie, but instead of the usual response of either hello handsome or soldier, he was met with an exasperated sigh.

“Emmy’s Principal has just called me.” She groaned “She’s been in a fight.”

Steve frowned. “Really? What for?” “No idea. He didn’t say much other than he’s excluding her for a week and wants us to go collect her as soon as we can. Thing is, I have a call in twenty with the Health Authorities, President Ellis has asked me to give them some guidance on how we regrouped at SI, and I can try and rearrange but if I can’t it means she’s gonna be sat outside the office for at least an hour and a half. Is there any chance you-”

“I got, course I’ll go. I’m done here anyway so you do what you need to do and we’ll see you at home.”

“Thank you.” She sighed “Between this and Jamie screaming blue murder when I dropped him in at the Day Care this morning It hasn’t really been the spectacular return to work I was hoping for.”

Steve wrinkled his nose. “He didn’t take it well then?” “No.” Her voice cracked “God, Steve, Leaving him there whilst he was screaming, fuck, it broke my heart.” Steve took a sigh and walked a little further away from Rhodey and Natasha, dropping his voice. “Honey, he’ll be fine. You know what he’s like. Ten minutes after you left he will have forgotten why he’s so upset and will have settled.”

“I know, I just, well Mom and Dad used to palm me and Tony off on our Nannies all the time and-”

“This is completely different.” Steve cut her off. “First off, you’re leaving him for what, five hours a day, maximum. Second off, he’s being watched at a crèche, twenty floors down from where you are, in the same building so you can see him whenever you want.”

“I was advised by the Staff not to do that today.” She sniffed. “It could unsettle him more.”

“I’m sure they know what they’re talking about.” Steve soothed her gently “Look, try not to worry. Jamie will be fine, I’ll go sort Emmy out and we’ll see you at home this evening okay?” “My hero.” she said and Steve smiled.

“Love you, see you later.”

Cutting the call he turned to Rhodey and Nat who were still looking at the screen. Walking back towards them he picked up his jacket where he had tossed it over the back of a chair, reaching for his keys at the same time.

“Guys, I gotta go.” He informed them and they looked up. “Emmy’s in trouble at school and I need to head in and see the Principal.”

“Trouble?” Nat frowned.

“Fighting.” Steve rolled his eyes as Nat and Rhodey exchanged a glance, Nat smirking slightly. Steve gave an exasperated sigh. “What?”

“Nothing.” Nat grinned. “Just don’t punch the Principal in the face…”

*****

It took Steve little over thirty minutes to reach the school. He may have broken a few speeding laws on the way, but Katie was right, it was too easy to do in the Camero. To be honest, it was pretty easy to do in the new Audi they had bought just before Christmas too, but Katie had that as it was easier to get Jamie’s seat and stroller in. The Camero was not child friendly, at all, but she had insisted on keeping it as a second car, despite Steve’s protests that they didn’t need it.

With an easy tug he pulled open the doors to the reception of the school and strode inside. The woman behind the desk handed him a visitor’s pass and led him down to the office as he brushed a piece of fluff off the front of his long sleeved blue top. Steve followed the white haired lady through the corridors in silence until he reached the office and spotted Emmy was sat outside it, slumped in a chair. At the sight of her father she jumped up and ran into his arms, crying.

“Hey,” He looked down as he smoothed her dark, ebony hair out of her face, cupping her face gently in one large hand. “What’s going on, Em?” “He started it.” She sniffed. “He was saying things, about you and mom and that my birth parents and that…that…”

She was starting to have a panic attack, Steve could see that instantly. She’d suffered from them a lot when she had first started to live with them and he knew that if he didn’t help her get it under control now it would escalate.

“Deep breaths.” He spoke gently, steering her back to a chair. She sat down and he tilted her head with his hand so that she was looking at him. “Count to ten, just like we practiced ok?”

She gripped onto his forearms, her eyes screwing shut as she took deep inhales and exhales, counting along as she did. By the time she got to seven she’d managed to ground herself again, and Steve encouraged her for the remaining three numbers, them just reaching ten as the door to the office at the end of the corridor opened.

“Mr Rogers.”

 Steve stood up to greet the Principal, John Stevenson, who he had met once before when they had enrolled Emmy into the school. He was a tall, lean man with round glasses and a kind face, but an air of authority perfect for that of a headmaster “Mr Stevenson.” Steve smiled, shaking his hand “I don’t mean to be rude, but could you give me a second with my daughter please? I want to hear her side of the story and then I’ll be right with you.”

“Of course,” the man nodded, giving him and Emmy a little smile. “Just come in when you’re ready.”

Once the door to his office was shut, Steve sat on the spare seat next to Emmy. “So you wanna tell me what happened. Who ya been fightin’ with?”

“A boy a grade above. And I wasn’t fighting. Not really, I mean I hit him but he fell over, he didn’t hit me back.” Steve bit his lip. “Seems the stuff your mom and Auntie Nat taught you came in handy, huh?”

Emmy shrugged.

“What did you hit him for?”

“Because he’s a jerk and a bully” Emmy’s hands were wringing together. “He was picking on a few of the kids who lost their parents all through last year and then last month when I told him to shut up, he decided to start on me”

Steve took a deep breath “What was he saying?”

“The usual, stuff like ‘you don’t have a real family’, said that you and mom only look after me because you feel guilty that the Avengers fucked, sorry, messed up.” She glanced up at Steve, but he merely arched an eyebrow, letting the curse word slide. “And he says that once I’m old enough you’ll throw me out, and then he called me a, and I quote ‘fucking orphan rat’.” She shrugged. “Sso I punched him.”

“Alright.” Steve took a deep breath, his jaw ticking as he supressed the feeling of annoyance and anger that had flooded his system at Emmy’s explanation. “We’ll unpack all that when we get home, with your mom.”

“Are you mad?” Emmy blinked up at him, her eyes wide.

“Well, punching him probably wasn’t the best way to deal with the situation.” Steve sighed, and instantly his wife’s voice popped into his head at how hypocritical he felt. 

“Hello Kettle, this is Steve Rogers, you’re black…”

“But if what you’re telling me is true-“   “It is Dad I swear!”

“Then no, I’m not mad. At you.” He gave her a small smile. “But I’m mad as hell he said those horrible things to you though.” He looked at Emmy as she smiled softly. “Now, I best go speak to your principal. I won’t be long, and then we’ll go home and talk properly okay?”

She nodded and Steve dropped a kiss to her head as he stood up and walked to the door. Rapping on it twice, he pulled it open and stepped inside the room, shutting it behind him. Principal Stevenson stood up, shook his hand before gesturing down at the chairs on the opposite side of his desk.

“So did she tell you what happened?” The man asked, leaning back slightly in his chair.

Steve nodded. “She said that a boy, I didn’t get his name…” “Josh Gemmil.” “Yes, well, she told me that this Josh had been picking on a few kids and when he started on her, she didn’t take kindly to it. And to be frank, I can’t say I blame her. The things he was saying to Emmy were disgusting.” “Yeah, and that may be the case.” Mr Stevenson sighed heavily, “but the issue is, Mr Rogers, we have a strict zero tolerance to violence policy, so, given Emmy did punch him in front of pretty much the entire school in the yard, I’ve no alternative but to suspend her for a week.” “Are you suspending him?” Steve asked.

“Sorry?” The man opposite Steve frowned. “I’m not…” “The boy who Emmy punched. Are you suspending him for what he said?”

“No-one has corroborated her story, well, other than Brooke and I know how close they are so she could be-” “Woah, hold up.” Steve interrupted, holding his hand up to cut that man off as a flash of anger surged through his chest. “Are you insinuating Emmy is lying?” “No, that’s not what I’m saying.” “So if she’s telling the truth, then surely the boy deserves punishment as well. Emmy isn’t the only person he’s been saying things to.”

“She’s the only person who has punched him.” “That may be, but either way-.”

“Mr Rogers,” the Principal sighed, cutting him off,  “for what it’s worth Josh’s parents will be coming in later and I will be consulting them about his behaviour, but unfortunately Emmy has broken his nose.” “Well, I’d like to say I’m sorry about that but I’m not.” Steve was too far gone now to be rational, his instinct to protect his daughter had well and truly kicked in and the guy in front of him was really pissing him off. “I don’t like bullies,” he continued, levelling the man with a look and he visibly recoiled back into his seat, “and I’m not gonna punish my daughter for standing up to one. If you deem it fit to suspend her then fine, that is your prerogative, and of course I will tell her that violence is not acceptable, but I would expect some level of punishment to be extended to the boy in question and not just her.”

The Principal nodded. “Mr Rogers, I can assure you, if it was up to me I wouldn’t be suspending her at all, but my hands are tied by the governors and policies. I make an exception here, I have to do it for others and before you know it…” he trailed off. Steve took a deep breath, he could understand that perfectly, didn’t make it any easier for him to swallow though. “But that’s why the suspension is only for a week and not the two.”

Steve nodded. “Okay, do I need to sign anything or…”

“No.” the Principal shook his head. “Emmy has her log on to Workspace, her class notes and homework will be detailed on there as usual so she doesn’t miss out. If there is anything she doesn’t understand or needs help with, she can catch up when she gets back. She’s a very, smart kid so I’m not too concerned about that aspect of things.” Steve nodded, and stood up. He took a deep breath and stepped back into the corridor to find Brooke was sat with Emmy now, her arm round her best friend.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” Steve asked, shooting the red head a look.

“Hey Mr R, don’t sweat it. Told em I was going to the bathroom.” Brooke shrugged and Steve rolled his eys.

“Well scoot before you get into trouble too.” He gestured with his head to the doors that led back to the reception area.

“Can Brooke come over later?” Emmy asked, timidly, “Or am I grounded?”

Steve took a deep breath “Not tonight, we need to have a chat. But over the weekend then, sure.” “’kay.” Emmy nodded, standing up. She reached for her rucksack but Steve took it from her, carrying it in his right hand, his left gently between Emmy’s shoulder blades as he steered her towards the exit. As they walked into the reception, Emmy stopped dead and he heard Brooke who was walking along at his other side mutter an ‘uh-oh’.

“This her?” A short, squat woman with a very short hair cut was stood a few feet in front of him, a boy by her side, a few inches taller than her, dressed in a bloodied T-shirt glared at Emmy and nodded. Instantly Steve moved forward a step so he was level with his daughter, his hand dropping to her shoulder.

“Your daughter broke my son’s nose.” The woman glared up at him.

“So I understand.” Steve nodded. “She has been suspended and we’ll be dealing with it appropriately.”

“You know, kids like her, they shouldn’t be-”

“Kids like her?” Steve blinked at the woman, and shook his head. “Excuse me?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.” Steve’s voice was low. “So, please, explain.”

“I mean with violent and aggressive tendencies, they should be locked up not in a school with normal kids-” “Woah, now hang on.” Steve held his hand up as he looked at the woman. “Your son isn’t exactly innocent in all this.” “I don’t see your daughter with blood all over her shirt. He didn’t hit her…” “I would hope not, seeing as he’s a boy and half a foot taller than her.” He shot back and the woman’s mouth snapped shut. Steve turned to Emmy and handed her the backpack and his keys. “Go and get in the car, sweetheart, I’ll be with you in a minute.” Emmy glanced up at him, one look on his face told her he wasn’t to be argued with, and she nodded and took them from him, before leaving.

His attention then turned to the teenager and woman and he folded his arms across his chest, glaring at them both. The boy had a sharp face, slicked back blonde hair and for some reason he reminded Steve of a younger Gilmore Hodge. Which was never a good thing. He looked at the woman and spoke again, his voice level but full of that Captain Authority he could never help turning on in situations like this.

“Your son said some very nasty things to my daughter, and in normal circumstances he should be apologising. However, given what happened I suggest we leave it at that and they agree to stay away from one another in the future.” “Him apologise?” The woman practically shrieked. “She punched him, if anything she’s the one that should be saying sorry.” Steve gave a huff of a laugh “I can assure you that won’t be happening. Besides,” he turned to the boy, “do you really want an apology from a ‘fucking orphan rat’?”

He heard a snigger followed by a mumble of “mic drop…” to his right and turned to see Brooke was still there.

“What are-” he shot her a look, pointing towards the class rooms, “-scoot.” “Later Mr R.” Brooke shot him a salute and he raised an eyebrow as she headed off back to wherever she should have been in the first place.

“Did you say that?” The woman had rounded on her son.

“No…I swear.” “He said he didn’t.” Steve shook his head, his hands dropping to the buckle of his belt. “I’m not interested in whether he admits it or not. Fact of the matter is I believe my daughter and according to her and her friend, Emmy isn’t the first kid he’s picked on but I’m sure as hell hoping she’s gonna be the last, especially now he’s had a punch in the face to make him consider the consequences of his actions.” His lips quirked a little at the side as he delivered his final line. “I’d hate for him to get antoher.” “How dare you threaten him?” The woman was now talking in that high a pitch it was making Steve’s ears hurt.

“That isn’t a threat.” Steve shook his head “Merely an observation. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He turned to the door when the woman spluttered after him “You know, we do know where you live. That big, fancy house in Clinton Hill.” “Then by all means feel free to call round later.” Steve laughed as he turned to grin at the woman of her shoulder. “But I really don’t fancy your chances against my wife.” ****** “He said WHAT?” Katie spluttered once Steve had explained what had gone on. “The little fucking shit!” “His mother wasn’t much better either.” Steve shook his head as he raised Jamie up higher in the air above him, the tot screaming with laughter. “She threatened to come round later.” “I’ll kick her fucking ass!” Katie folded her arms across her chest and a wry smile crossed Steve’s face as he brought Jamie back down to his chest.

“Yeah I told her I didn’t fancy her chances.”

“Where’s Emmy now?” Katie asked.

“In her room, she said she wanted to be alone for a bit.”

Katie pondered for a moment, before she moved and walked out of the kitchen, calling up the stairs, “Emmy? Can you come down for a minute please?”

Katie came back into the kitchen and it wasn’t long before Emmy appeared, her eyes red. Katie sighed and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m sorry, I just, ” Emmy sniffed. “He was so rude and…” “Sweetie, we’re not mad.” Katie shook her head, steering the girl across the hall “We just want to talk to you, about what he said,” she gestured at one of the seats by the breakfast bar, “sit.”

Emmy did as she was told and Steve placed Jamie in the pack and play at the corner of the room. There was a minute or so silence before Katie slid a mug of hot chocolate, containing marshmallows and cream across the counter to Emmy, then passed Steve a coffee, picking up her own drink before she rounded the counter and sat on a stool next to Emmy, Steve staying where he was, the base of his back leaning against the worktop opposite them.

“So your dad told me what happened.” Katie began “And we want to talk to you about what that little jerk said to you.”

“I shouldn’t have let him get to me.” Emmy shrugged “I know what he was saying was crap but…” “If your dad had a dollar for every time he had reacted to something he shouldn’t have done he’d be richer than Tony.” Katie smiled and Steve gave a scoff.

“You’re a fine one to talk.” He raised an eyebrow at his wife and she grinned.

“And as for throwing you out once you’re old enough,” Katie shook her head, “you’re with us for as long as you wanna be. And then even when you don’t want to be, and you move out, we’ll be keeping tabs on you, annoying you, like Tony does to me.”

Emmy smiled and wiped at her eyes.

“You said he’s been picking on you for a while?” Steve asked “What made you snap today?” Emmy shrugged “I guess I was just fed up with it and when he was laughing about my name on my test paper, and he called me an orphan rat I saw red.” Katie took a deep breath, she was furious but before she could say anything Steve spoke, a frown creasing his brow.

“What do you mean he was laughing at your name?” “My surname.” Emmy shrugged “On stuff like the register and things at school its Rogers but on my official test papers for my grades it has to be McKellen, because Rogers isn’t my real name. And he was laughing saying that I didn’t belong anywhere.” Steve and Katie locked eyes and Steve was the first one to break away.

“Does it bother you, that your name isn’t Rogers?”

“Not normally.” She shrugged

“What if we made it so?” Katie asked.

“What, like change it legally?” “That’s one way of doing it.” Steve shrugged.  “The other is we adopt you.” Katie looked at her husband and smiled. This was something they’d mentioned in passing to one another a few times but never really talked about in any detail as, well, to them things were fine as they were. But now, well, it just felt right. The next step for them all. Making her status as their daughter official.

“Adopt me?” Emmy’s voice was a whisper.

“Yeah.” Katie nodded. “Look, Em, as far as we’re concerned you’re already our daughter, and not just a foster one either. It’s merely a formality. But it’s up to you.” “Do you want to think about it?” Steve asked.

“No.” Emmy shook her head as she looked up tears in her eyes. “No, I don’t want to think about it. I’d love it, I really would.” Katie smiled as the girl threw her arms round her shoulders and began to sob. Steve put his mug down on the counter next to him and strode round to wrap his large arms around both his girls until a loud screech form the corner of the room made them all look up. Jamie was stood gripping the side of his play pen, clearly disgruntled at being left out of the hug.

“Alright pal, point taken.” Steve picked him up and carried him back to where Emmy was now wiping her eyes. He handed the tot to his older sister and Katie grinned.

“Family hug?” She opened her arms and Emmy laughed, as the four of them snuggled together in a huddle.

*****

March 2021

Despite Steve’s best attempts to ignore it, there was something in what that little shit had said to Emmy that had really bothered him.  The Avengers fucked up. It wasn’t an alien thought, he often found himself thinking back to how they had failed but he normally shook himself out of it. They’d done the best they could, they simply hadn’t stood a chance.

The thing was, not all of the public saw that. On more than one occasion the remaining Avengers had all experienced some kind of vitriol from the public, Natasha still receiving hate mail for them all at the compound. Whilst people he met understood, it was always the ones that didn’t which stuck in Steve’s mind, but he’d never had anything more than the odd whispered insult or dirty look come his way, that was until a few day’s after Jamie’s first birthday.

He was in the store with Emmy, picking up a few bits and pieces for the family gathering they were having to celebrate Jamie turning one and he could feel someone’s eyes on him, which wasn’t unusual. What was unusual, however, was the tap on the shoulder her received as he tossed a few items from the list Katie had given him into the trolley.

“I thought it was you.”

Steve turned to see a dark haired man, the same height as him looking back.

“Can I help you?” Steve asked politely.

The man snorted “I thought at one point, yeah, but you didn’t, this…us…what the world is now, it’s all your fault.” Steve took a deep breath, and spotted Emmy returning to the aisle he was in with an armful of snacks he had sent her for.

“Sir-” Steve began, trying to placate the man but before he could do anything the guy had punched him straight in the face. It wasn’t a hard blow, but Steve hadn’t been expecting it. Or the subsequent blows for that matter.

He was vaguely aware Emmy was screaming, and out of the corner of his eye he saw a security guard hurrying towards him. Before he reached them, Emmy had kicked the man hard in the shin and was shouting at him, as he hopped on his good leg. Steve doubled over, the ringing in his ears subsiding as he pinched at his nose which was streaming blood.

“Oh my God.” A female voice said “Billy, what…” she looked up at Steve and paled “Captain, oh God, I’m so sorry…he’s…” Steve waved away another member of the public who had come to help, insisting he was fine. Taking a deep breath he looked up and saw the man was now crying, his head buried into his wife’s shoulders.

“We…we lost our son.” The lady continued, with a choked voice. “He hasn’t dealt with it so well.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve bowed his head, it was all he could think to say.

“It isn’t you fault” The lady shook her head. “And he doesn’t think that, not really, it’s just we never got a proper explanation, you know, bar official government statements. No real help to come to terms with anything.” “That doesn’t mean he can just punch the crap outta my dad!” Emmy blazed, indignantly and Steve lay a hand on her shoulder. “Emmy.” He shook his head gently before he turned to the woman. “I’m sorry that no one was there for you and I’m sorry that we couldn’t do more. But we tried.” The last three words were almost a plea to her, trying to make her understand they had tried, boy did they try. She cast him another sad look before she led her husband away.

“You ok?” Steve looked down at his daughter.

“Me?” She frowned “What about you?” “Had worse.” Steve mumbled, gently touching his nose “Let’s get out stuff and get home before it starts to set. I don’t fancy having to re-break it.”

**** Katie was sat smiling as Natasha was holding Jamie up, his hands curled round her fingers as she guided him round the living room.

“Won’t be long until he’s doing this himself.” The red head smiled, and Katie grinned.

��He’s growing so fast.” 

“Think you’ll have another?” Nat looked at her.

Katie shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, Steve would have a football team full if I let him but, who knows.”

Nat smiled and Katie’s attention turned back to her son who was toddling in front of his Auntie. He was looking more and more like his father each day and was now a substantial little chunk who was pretty strong and robust too. Small bumps and knocks didn’t seem to phase him at all, and the other day he’d been playing with a tonka truck and had fallen onto it, flattening it completely. He’d screamed blue murder, more over the fact his toy was broken than he had been hurt, but it had made both his parents realise that he was definitely half Super Soldier and wasn’t inheriting any of Steve’s pre-serum ailments, much to Steve’s relief.

Their attention was taken as all three of them heard the car pull up the gravel drive and Jamie gave an excited giggle and started moving his legs even faster at the sound, understanding it to mean his father was back. Smiling to herself, Katie watched as he giggled and started trying to run to the door, and when it opened she looked up fully expecting Steve to grin and swoop his boy up into his arms, except what greeted her made her hand fly up to her mouth. His shirt was covered with blood and his nose was out of shape.

“Shit.” Katie stood up and headed straight to him, gently reaching up to slide a finger to his face, tilting it so she could see. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine sweetheart” he said gently.

“What the hell happened?” Nat asked as she picked Jamie up, who was still squirming to get to his father, completely nonplussed by what was going on.

“Some guy in the store punched him.” Emmy explained, and Katie looked at her daughter, whose eyes were swollen, she’d been crying.

“What? Why?” she frowned. “Em, can you grab me an ice pack out the freezer?” Steve asked before she could answer, she was upset enough as it was and he didn’t want her seeing or hearing what was coming next. She nodded and headed off.

“Steve.” Katie watched as he sat down on the sofa, shaking his head.

“Just reset it before it starts to heal anymore.” He grumbled. “Quickly before she gets back.”

Katie sat next to him and reached out gently. He grit his teeth as she snapped his nose back into place. Across the room Nat flinched at the crunching noise it made.

“Fuck.” Steve cursed softly before laying his head back against the cushions of the couch steadying his breathing as his eyes began to water from the pain. He knew it would heal quickly but that didn’t stop it hurting like hell.

“You gonna tell us what happened?” Katie asked, looking at him.

“Some guy at the store recognised me and started screaming that it was all our fault, the Snap, and hit me.”

“Must have been a pretty hard swing.” Nat said gently, bouncing Jamie up and down, distracting him with the Cap teddy bear she had grabbed off the floor. Jamie grinned at the bear and grabbed it, sticking the ear of it into his mouth.

“He didn’t just hit you once, Dad.” Emmy said gently as she returned, passing him the ice pack.

“How many times was it?” Katie frowned.

“Four ,maybe.” he shrugged

“Try Six” Emmy muttered.

“Six?!” Katie’s voice grew loud

“And you just let him?” Nat’s snorted. “What else could I do Nat?” Steve sighed, “I couldn’t hit him back…” “Yes, you damned well could!” Katie seethed. “Fuck!”

“Language.” Steve chastised playfully. “Besides, wasn’t really going to hit him once Em had kicked him in the shin.”

“You kicked him?” Katie looked at Emmy who shrugged.

“He was screaming and punching so I kicked him, real hard, and then told him that he was an asshole, and everyone had lost, and that he should try fighting Thanos in a field in Wakanda himself if he could do any better…” “Then the guy’s wife appeared.” Steve sighed, pressing the ice pack to his face.

“Yeah, she was nice.” Emmy nodded. “Said they had lost their son and she was so sorry.” “But they’d never really had a chance to ask questions or had an explanation other than what the Government had said.” Steve’s voice was muffled slightly from the pack. “But it got me thinking in the car about how many other people out there like that.” “So we had an idea.” Emmy nodded “Support groups.” “Support groups?” Katie frowned.

“Yeah, we have them at school.” Emmy said “Somewhere for people to go and talk about their issues and feelings.” “That’s actually not a bad idea.” Nat mused and Steve nodded.

“I know. Surprised we didn’t think of it sooner.”

“Well we’ve had other things on our minds.” Katie popped a shoulder, gently.

“I’m gonna help.” Emmy smiled. “We’re gonna brainstorm ideas later after the party.”

“Yeah, on that, do me a favour and no one mention this to Tony when he gets here.” Steve groaned as he stood up, ice pack still on his nose. “I’m going to get cleaned up.”

Leaving Emmy to watch Jamie, Nat and Katie unloaded the car and took the supplies to the kitchen. Steve showered quickly and came back to help them, and it wasn’t long before the food was sorted, Katie’s ability to cook how easily she did never ceased to amaze Steve. Before long the gang arrived and Morgan toddled in, holding Tony’s hand before he let go and she bee-lined for Emmy who was sat on the living room floor where she had been sat looking at a book with Jamie.

“Hey Moo!” Emmy grinned at the younger girl who sat with a soft thud next to her, leaning into her older cousin for a hug.

Tony watched them for a short while before he asked if Emmy was okay and then headed into the kitchen to find Pepper already clutching a glass of champagne. Katie handed him a beer as she pulled him into a hug and he shook Steve’s hand.

“You’re in the same room as usual.” Katie looked at him. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted Moo in with you guys or not so there’s the travel cot in there or she can have the room over from you…” “She can stay with us.” Tony nodded, taking a pull from his beer.

“Where is she?”  Natasha asked.

“With Emmy. She adores that kid.”

“Have you told her the paperwork has been finalised?” Pepper asked looking at Katie and Steve who both shook their head.

“No, we’re gonna surprise her with that later.” Katie smiled.

“We got her a little something.” Tony swallowed his beer. “You know, just to welcome her officially to the mad house.” “What is it?” Steve asked suspiciously.

“Nothing Iron Man or Tony Stark related.” Pepper looked at Steve. “I promise.” Tony shrugged. “Spoil sport.” The five adults all headed into the large living room, Jamie grinned up at his uncle and crawled over to him. Tony swung him up in the air and smiled, that is until Jamie head-butted him by accident.

“Oww…shhhhhhhhugar!” The billionaire corrected his curse before wincing. “Man, Rogers, this kid has your knuckle head.” Steve smirked. “He’s still half Stark.”

“Mind you, you should be grateful he doesn’t take after his mom. She was a horror.” “Was not.” Katie shot back indignantly. “Kiddo, you were a pain in the ass.” Tony sniggered. “You stuck bread in the VCR. Dad hit the roof.” “I thought it was a toaster.” Katie shrugged as the room laughed. “Mind you, not like we have to worry about that now seeing as VCRs went out in the stone age.” “Was that an age joke?” Tony smirked. “Do I have to respond with one about your husband or…” Steve rolled his eyes “Go ahead, be original.” “You know you’re almost as sarcastic as she is now.” Nat but in, pointing at Katie who grinned before she looked at Tony.

“You remember what dad used to say?”

“Sarcasm is a measure of potential,” Tony imitated their father’s voice. “And if that’s true…” “You’ll be a great man someday.” Katie finished, the two of them laughing.

Despite the crappy start to the day, it was a nice afternoon surrounded by their family. They drank, ate and eventually it was time for the cake which Katie and Steve were excited about, for good reason. Katie placed it down on the coffee table in the middle of the lounge, complete with candles. For the first time the group got a look at it, and Steve heard Emmy gasp. Half the large cake was iced in blue, the other half was lilac and across the top the word ‘Happy’ spanned both halves, before the next line read birth on the blue side and adoption on the other, before the word day sat underneath.

Emmy glanced up at her parents, her eyes filling with tears. “You mean…” Steve grinned and handed her the envelope he’d retrieved from the kitchen, which she took in shaking hands. “Signed, sealed, done. You’re officially a Rogers, Em.”

“Poor thing.” Tony mumbled, earning himself a slap round the back of the head from Natasha.

Together the Rogers’ children blew out their candles (well, Katie blowing Jamie’s out on his behalf before the boy could grab one of them and burn himself) and then Emmy turned to look at Steve and Katie before throwing herself forwards, her arms round both their waists. Steve’s arm fell to her back and he pressed a kiss to Katie’s cheek before Tony stepped forward and handed Emmy a small gift bag.

“It’s just a little something.” He smiled. “Just to say welcome to the family, officially we mean, because you’re already part of the…” He rolled his eyes as Emmy blinked up at him. “Just take it, kid.”

Emmy took the bag and opened it, her eyes widening as she looked at the box, emblazoned with the word Pandora. Katie peered down as Emmy opened it and smiled at the charm bracelet which was inside. It held charms, the letters EJR for her initials, Emily Jayne Rogers.

“Thank you.” She whispered before she gave Tony a hug, then Pepper. She stepped back and turned around, her eyes brimming with tears. “This is the best day ever!”

And despite the shitty start to it in the store, Steve was inclined to agree it hadn’t been that bad at all.

Chapter 47

 **Original Posting**

[hchollym]

Aerion x Viserys - We Finally Got Our Dragons

I couldn’t help myself. I will go down with this crack ship  🤣

Warnings: Afterlife, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sexual Content, Explicit Language, Age Difference

Read it on AO3. 

____________

Most people think that a person finds peace after they die. Aerion would tell you differently.

The Targaryens have their own “exclusive” afterlife, stuck for eternity with only one another for company. While he's glad that they all appear as they were right before they died and not as they died (for then he would have a hole in his throat and be unable to talk), it still does not change the fact that he’s stuck with these shits forever. Most of his relatives find enjoyment (or at least contentment) here (seeing as half of them are married to each other), but for others – like Aerion – this place is a special kind of hell.

He died drinking wildfire. It certainly wasn’t his finest moment, nor was it something that he wants to remember, given the resulting pain. And yet, his family will never let him forget it. They torment him about it daily, as if he hadn’t already suffered enough.

“Oh look, it’s the Prince Who Thought He Was A Dragon,” they sneer at him whenever he walks by. It’s not as if he’s the first Targaryen to think of himself as a dragon and die because of it. What about all the other fools who got themselves killed trying to hatch a dragon egg? Why aren’t they mocked as he is?

Even his own father sighs disapprovingly when he sees him, as if Aerion brought him embarrassment. It makes Aerion scoff. His older brother was literally known as “Daeron the Drunken” and yet Aerion is somehow the stain on their family name? It’s absolutely ridiculous. His brothers ignore him (he hears their comments about Aerion the Monstrous, and really, when are they going to get over it?).

His own son, Maegor – who joined them when he got into a fight with the wrong person at a tavern – won’t talk to Aerion, because he blames Aerion’s “madness” as the reason he never got the throne. How ungrateful can you be? Maegor wouldn’t even be alive without Aerion.

His bitch of a wife isn’t much better. She refuses to allow him into her bed, and her brother and father are more than happy to guard her chamber door. To be honest, it’s not a huge loss though; she was annoying anyway, always crying and whimpering and screaming while he was trying to enjoy himself. Still, it’s the audacity that angers him.

You would think that the ancestors would grow tired of insulting him after so many years, but it appears that there is not nearly enough exciting news to go around here, so the taunts and insults go on year after year. Even the “Mad King” doesn’t get scorned as much, because people seem to either fear him or feel pity for his insanity.

Aerion tries to ignore most of the ridicule by keeping to himself, which is thankfully easy to do in this endless hallway with infinite corridors and chambers, but that doesn’t completely stop the talk from reaching his ears. He’d been humiliated, angry, and defensive for the first decade or so of these disrespectful comments, but after more than 60 years, he’s just sick and tired of it.

So when the others stop talking about him and begin insulting another, one they mockingly call "the last dragon" and "the beggar king,” Aerion is initially relieved, and then intrigued. He questions his father, who will at least answer him (albeit grudgingly). When he hears the tale of this Viserys, he feels an instant kinship that takes him by surprise.

He’s never felt like he could relate to someone else before, but the fact is, Viserys thought himself a dragon and he too died for it in an excruciating way. The other man was treated like shit in life and now again in death by his own family (Aerion knows the feeling), and his own sister had him killed in a cruel twist of irony.

Aerion’s glad that the attention on him has finally stopped, but he finds himself unexpectedly feeling sympathy for Viserys – an emotion so foreign to him that it took him a while to identify what it was. Perhaps it's because they share similar deaths (though by vastly different means), or that Aerion knows what it's like to be humiliated by the hypocritical ancestors, or because he knows what it’s like for your own family to turn on you.

He hears that Viserys' mother won't even give him sympathy because of how he treated his sister, but so what? The bitch killed him. Why are mothers always so quick to defend the weak? Aerion’s own mother is still angry at him for his treatment of Aegon, but he doesn’t think he has anything to apologize for. Why should he be “nice” to pathetic people? Daenerys should have been grateful that Viserys raised her after they fled King's Landing. Aerion would have sold her immediately to the highest buyer and bought himself a nice house until he raised his army to take back the throne.

He hears through the gossip that Viserys locks himself inside his chambers to avoid the others, which Aerion also understands. He's not entirely sure why he decides to go see him, but perhaps it's because he’s sick of being judged and looked down on, and Viserys seems like the one person who won’t do that.

He makes his way to Viserys’ chambers, holding his head high and ignoring the looks he gets along the way, only to find that the others have painted slurs on the door, and Aerion feels disgust at their tackiness. How old are they? Five? He opens the doors without knocking and sees a man sitting on the bed, his elbows rested on his knees and his head in his hands. When the figure looks up, his expression one of annoyance, anger, and pure exhaustion (a combination which Aerion knows well), and Aerion is struck by just how young he is.

For some reason, he pictured Viserys as close to his age, but he couldn't have been more than 25, though Aerion guesses it’s actually closer to 20. He's practically still a boy, and Aerion feels a hot wave of rage rush through him. This is who they are tormenting for making mistakes when he was exiled in Essos (by no fault of his own), trying to care for an ungrateful sister who eventually murdered him? Honestly, and they thought he was monstrous!

"I'm Aerion Brightflame," he starts before Viserys can get upset at his intrusion. He refuses to give up using that name; the ancestors can go fuck themselves. Viserys' expression clears, and he blinks in confusion before frowning warily.

"What do you want?" He asks suspiciously, and Aerion shrugs nonchalantly.

"I know how these shits can be when they decide to harass someone. Fuck them. You don’t need any of these bumbling fools. You and I, we're still dragons," he assures Viserys, not entirely understanding why he feels compelled to do so, but Aerion knows that he still is a dragon, regardless of how everything ended, and he’s willing to say that Viserys is as well out of solidarity for the mutual enemies/family. Viserys looks shocked before scowling.

"Clearly not, seeing as melted gold killed me, and fire cannot kill a dragon," he points out bitterly, not even mentioning Aerion's own failures, for which Aerion feels unexpectedly grateful for. He sits down next to Viserys, and he finds it hilarious how the other man looks alarmed and ready to flee.

"And how many others have been killed by fire when trying and failing to hatch dragon eggs? We're still Targaryens. We’re still dragons, no matter what those stupid sea cows have to say.” Viserys' expression changes from one of shock to hesitant gratitude. It's a look that Aerion is not used to having directed at him; fear, anger, and even lust are common emotions he’s used to seeing when people look at him, but never gratitude. It makes his stomach churn oddly.

After that, they form a strange bond of companionship. They spend most of their time in one of their chambers (it’s easier to avoid the others that way), but occasionally they venture out to the other rooms with alcohol or food. They don't need either, but it provides them with a distraction to the never-ending boredom. They even throw knives sometimes, though Aerion had to teach Viserys because he never learned.

Their conversations start by talking about all the people they hate and are angry at (of which there are many). Then it changes to their time in Essos (the good, the bad, and the ugly). And finally, they talk of their own failures; the feel of the gold burning through Viserys' skin and hair; the way the wildfire scorched Aerion’s throat and blinded him in pain. They talk of how humiliating it was (and still is), and of their disappointment in the way their lives turned out.

It's odd, because Aerion has never felt the urge to share his thoughts with anyone - no one was ever good enough or would truly understand (until now) - but he finds that it's actually rather nice. He quickly decides that he hates Viserys’ brother Rhaegar – he started this whole mess and yet he still looks at Viserys with disappointment, and it makes Aerion want to burn him. And Viserys quickly decides that Maegor is being selfish by hating his own father. Aerion’s found an unexpected ally in Viserys, and it’s the first time he’s felt anything other than miserable since his death.

...

Maybe it happens because of their surprisingly easy companionship, or maybe it’s because they are so isolated from everyone else (no one else seems capable of getting along with them), or maybe it's even simply because it's been years since Aerion slept with someone. Regardless of the reasons, they somehow end up in bed together. Aerion doesn’t know exactly how it happened, but he’s not complaining.

Viserys accepted being the bottom quickly enough, and Aerion found out later that it's because it wasn’t his first time; he’d been forced to sell his body in order to survive at his lowest points in exile, and Aerion’s never felt protective of anyone before, but he feels it now for Viserys. He also feels irrationally jealous that someone else dared to touch what is his, and yes, he has come to think of Viserys as his.

Viserys is wonderfully responsive, biting his shoulder, scratching his back until he bleeds, moaning and cursing loudly, urging him to go faster and harder. It makes Aerion’s blood sing, his thoughts fuzzy, and the heat envelop him all over until he’s nearly drowning in it.

But it's Viserys’ eyes that really send Aerion over the edge. The pale, lilac orbs dilate in lust, but there's also anger, determination, and hurt in them. Viserys has a vulnerability in his eyes that Aerion would have thought had been destroyed years ago, but somehow it remains, and it's both intoxicating and addicting to see.

When Aerion finally decides to try bottoming (because why the hell not? they're dead, and he’s bored and ready to do something new), he finishes embarrassingly quick. It's better than he ever imagined; fire seems to completely consume him, so hot and bright that Aerion feels like he might pass out. Viserys' cock rubs against a place inside of him that causes sparks to shoot throughout his entire body, and all he can do is pant and gasp as he clings to Viserys for dear life, thinking that if he weren't already dead, then this would definitely kill him because it's too much, but he wants it more than anything.

Viserys never mentions his premature response, and they don’t talk about the fact that Aerion starts to roll them over more and more so he can wrap his legs around Viserys' waist, urging the other man to fuck him. He's relieved by Viserys' lack of acknowledgement, because even in death, he still has his pride, and it's embarrassing how much he loves to fall apart underneath the younger man.

And when Viserys guides Aerion to ride him like a stallion for the first time, Aerion screams himself hoarse, and it suddenly reminds him too much of the wildfire burning his throat, and he starts to panic, so Viserys holds him until he calms, but they don't talk about that either.

...

When Daenerys does finally show up, Aerion becomes insanely angry. She's cold and distant, though she does try to talk to Viserys, and Aerion wants to kill her. How dare she?! He refuses to let her see Viserys until the younger man finally tells him to leave them so they can speak.

Aerion feels something hot and ugly churn in his stomach at that, and he waits by the door until Daenerys leaves, looking only barely fazed. He instantly goes inside to see Viserys' eyes shining with angry tears. He still hasn't gotten good at hiding his emotions yet, and truthfully, Aerion kind of hopes that he never does.

"She hatched the dragons. The fire didn't kill her," Viserys says angrily, but there's also jealously and pure despair there, and Aerion doesn't like it. He pulls Viserys into his arms and kisses him soundly until Viserys pulls back and leans his head on Aerion's chest, sighing heavily.

"Why her?" He asks, though the unspoken why not me? is obvious.

"Because the gods are cruel," he answers honestly, because she didn’t deserve it more than either of them.

"But it doesn't change things. She's here now, just like us, with no dragons. Fuck her, and fuck all of them. We are still dragons," Aerion continues vehemently. He feels Viserys swallow and nod, as if trying to convince himself.

"We are dragons," Viserys says shakily before gaining confidence.

"We are dragons. And while she's here alone, I have you now; my own dragon," he finishes stubbornly, and Aerion feels a rush of something that he chooses not to examine further at those words. He tightens his grip on Viserys and kisses the top of his head.

"And I have you. Looks like we both finally got our dragons."

[redhawtriot]

Caught in The Act (Bakugou x Reader x Todoroki)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

Thanks so much to all of you who have followed this story! I remember that I started this series this month to celebrate my first 100 followers, but now I am up to 1000 of y’all? The fuck?

You guys are so supportive! I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to share my art with! Again, thank you so much!

HnM💕

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Finale:

She did not just call you crazy. And a bitch.

Fae’s eyes wildly flashed between you and her sister, “C-crazy bitch? I—"

“FIRST OF ALL, who the HELL do you think--” you cut yourself off before gently inhaling a pocket of air. You were sounding way too much like a certain explosive disgrace for your liking. You closed your eyes as you breathed out all of your frustrations.

“Hey, hey! What’s going on?!” Fae protectively shifted to fill the space between you and her little sister, “Farrah, there must be a mistake. This is my roommate, Y/N.”

Farrah.

A pretty name forever ruined by a slut.  

God, you wanted to beat her ass more than anything. It was as if all of your nerves were on fire and screaming a you to just do something.

Was this what Katsuki constantly felt like?

The violent beating of your eardrums was deafening and your vision was beginning to blur as you scowled at Fae’s sister.

Everything in your being yearned for you to switch to “instant kill mode”, but you couldn’t physically move. It was as if a small piece of you held your fury under control like a rabid dog on a chain-- or a parliament of higher beings had voted for you to keep your cool.

You sucked in one more time as your heart began to slow down. You gave one last, gentle huff as you continued to glare.

Farrah sent a scowl of her own back at you, “She is the one who—”

“This is the trash that slept with my boyfriend,” you deadpanned very flatly as your eyes slightly narrowed at her.  Fae’s jaw fell immediately at your words, but you continued talking despite her shock, “I just don’t see how she, of all people, could be upset in the situation. If you're upset at all, it should be at yourself. You have no class or self-worth, sleeping with an engaged man,” you crossed your arms as you reprimanded her and dared her to say something else as you intensified your stare.

You felt your heart jump as she stepped forward towards you, past Fae. It was as if it were excited by the idea that she may attack you so that you thoroughly beating the snot out of her would be justified.

Shit. What was wrong with you.

You kicked the persistent, animal-like thoughts off your leg as you continued to eye Farrah.

“You’re psychotic!!” she gasped as she threw her hands up, “I totally didn’t know Ground Zero even had a girl! psycho ass!”

Bull shit. You and Bakugou had both been plastered everywhere since your first sports festival at U.A. when you were fifteen. Since then you had both been in the eye of the media. It was pretty common knowledge that he wasn’t single. Your face scrunched up in disgust at her blatant lies as she continued, “She kicked me out of the apartment with nothing but my bare ass!!!”

“Yeah, you left your cheap ass, ratty ass clothes and your dignity that night too,” you rolled your eyes as the words flew out of your mouth.

“Woah, woah, woah! Calm down, everybody,” Fae looked as if she was on the brink of crying, “Farrah, I think you should leave for now, Okay?” She fiddled with her fingers.

“Yeah, I think so too.” As you pettily used your dancing fingers to wave, astonishment flashed across Fae’s expression. Honestly if your heart wasn’t thrumming against your chest so crazily right now, you would be horrified at how you were acting too, but the adrenaline that coursed throughout your body at the sight of the whore in the room numbed your mind.

Farrah struggled against her older sister as she tried to lead her away from the would-be battlefield, “No!! She is the one that needs to leave. You’re the one who pays rent around here, Sis!”

“Farrah, stop it!” Fae pleaded.

“WHY??” Farrah blurted before throwing a finger in your direction, “Newsflash, she is the one who is stealing your man from you now!” her voice raised an octave as she screeched, “Talk about hypocritical!” All of the color drained from Fae’s face as she threw horrified glances between you and her sister. Her mouth stumbled over itself as she tried to find words.

Your eyebrows congregated to the middle of your forehead as you tried to decipher the meaning of Farrah’s words.

Todoroki? Is that Fae’s man?

As if on cue, the front door to the house casually slid open, revealing a tired Todoroki.

All of the chaos that had been ensuing inside immediately halted as Todoroki froze in the doorway. His eyes snapped around as he saw the loose papers from Fae’s books that you hadn’t even noticed that you had thrown around with your quirk in your frustration, your completely furious expression and defensive stance, and Fae’s horrified form struggling to hold onto her crazed sister.

It was a lot to interpret.

“What… is going on,” he calmly questioned before he was assaulted with a boom of feminine screams.

“TELL HER TO LEAVE!”

“NO, TELL HER TO LEAVE! SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIVE HERE.”

“FARRAH, STOP!”

“NEITHER DO YOU, WHORE.”

Todoroki blinked in shock at the words that flew out of your mouth. He had never heard you used such a tone or choice of words with anyone—not even when you were against villains at U.A.. He hated to see you so upset, but he had no idea what to do with all of these women yelling at him, “Uh, Y/N...? Should we talk?” He questioned, causing Farrah to roll her eyes before she mouthed the word “see?” To her sister.

You huffed once more as you stormed towards the man, “Okay...” You begrudgingly agreed as you walked outside of the door, not even bothering to look him in the face. You couldn’t bring yourself to. Something just didn’t sit right with you.

As soon as he shut the front door behind him and walked down to the driveway a bit to meet up with where you had stormed off to, you threw a curve-ball at him,

“Just what is Fae to you?”

The question completely caught him off guard, but he immediately answered anyway, “Our roommate?”

“Obviously. But like. Did you and her… ever you know…” the thought alone made you feel queasy, “have something romantic.” You could have thrown up right then and there.

But his lack of reply made you feel a different type of sick. You blinked in surprise as the silence ensued before you spoke up, “You’re kidding,” you blurted.

“It’s not at all what you are thinking. There was chemistry for sure, but nothing ever happened. It wasn’t strong like you and I. When you came back there was no doubt in my mind that me and her were nothing.”

“That’s not what I’m upset about,” you threw pinched fingers to the brige of your nose and shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts, “Jesus, that poor girl.” So you really were just as much of a homewrecker, huh?

You thought there was one whore in that house but there were two.

“Fae is fine,” Todoroki moved to place a hand on your shoulder but you shifted away. He looked a bit shocked as he continued, “She had been dating here and there. She’s unaffected by the situation,” he calmly argued.

“God, Todoroki. That’s not the point,” you searched around your jacket pocket for your car keys. You had to get out of here. Even if you were in your house shoes.

“Im sorry, did I do something? Where are you going?” Todoroki’s calm demeanor slightly cracked as panicked undertones filled his question.

“I need to think,” you simply replied. Upon seeing his worried expression you immediately changed your answer, “I’ll… be back, okay? I just need a drive. We are still cool, okay? Friends,” you tried to sound enthused at the word.

“Okay… be safe.”

You slightly nodded at him before getting in your car and driving off.

You couldn’t believe it. You were slowly becoming everything that split you an Katsuki apart.

Your phone violently vibrating against your leg sent you flying out of your thoughts. Jesus, Kiri. He always called when you were trying to drive your frustration away—literally.

You groaned as you answered the phone.

“Hey!” His chipper voice had a slight undertone of panic to it, but your frustrated mind completely ignored it,

“What,” you deadpanned.

“Oh god, this isn’t a good time is it…?” he nervously laughed, causing your face to instantly shrivel up into a scowl,

“Just tell me what the fuck you want, Kirishima!” you blurted. A long silence filled the line, causing you to breath out heavily in a deep sigh. Way to go.

It was as if you were taking notes straight out of Katsuki’s book today. You just cursed at the sweetest guy on the planet. I mean, you might as well have just stomped on a puppy with both feet, “Look. I am sorry. I didn’t mean that... it’s just a long day…”

A pathetic excuse really. You realized this as soon as it came out of your mouth.

Kiri, being the happy souled fool he was, wholeheartedly accepted your pathetic excuse, “Maybe I should call back then...?” he suggested kindly.

“No, its okay, Kiri. What’s up?” you tried to smile as if he could see you—as if this gentle gesture would make up for how much of a colossal bitch you had just been.

“Well...” he dragged,  “Don’t you think maybe that it is about time you picked up your things from our apartment?”

You sighed, “…it’s really not a good time for me. I just..”

“WE CAUGHT THE HOUSE ON FIRE,” he cried out suddenly.

You held the phone closer to your ear as if you hadn’t heard him correctly, “Um. W-hwhat…?”

As soon as you spoke it triggered a tangent from the redhead, “Bakugou was really mad because he found out about you and Todoroki a few hours ago and he came home and wanted to vent his frustrations out, and we both know what that means, so we got to fighting and I punched him really hard, totally not manly of me by the way, and I pissed him off and then he exploded me and we set the house on fire!” he gasped for air, “I am so sorry!!” he exclaimed in a higher tone.

Your mind spun as you tried to take in all of the information that was being thrown at you at once. Finally it settled into your brain, “Oh my god!” you gasped, “Is he… is Katsuki okay?!”

“Yeah he is fine. He’s is in the hospital,” he brushed off.

“What!?! Where?!”

He quickly corrected himself at the sound of your heartbroken voice, “No, no! Not like that!” For some reason the concern in your voice for Bakugou made him happy, “He just needed a few little burn treatments! Anyway, we will probably be released tomorrow morning or night from the hospital, but—”

“We?!” you screeched.

“Yeah, I—”

“Kiri please tell me you did not just call me from a hospital bed,” you shook your head furiously.

“I just wanted to tell you that you should go pick up your things while Bakugou isn’t there, well what’s left of it anyway,” he gave an uneasy chuckle.

“Isn’t it still hot?”

“One of the firefighters had a cold quirk so everything turned out okay after they showed up. No other apartments were affected at all actually!” You still couldn’t believe this was all happening. You honestly hadn’t planned on grabbing your things from the apartment so soon. Then again, it had been months hadn’t it?

“So, are you going?” Kirishima snapped you back to reality.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll head over there right now,” you absentmindedly nodded even though he couldn’t see you. You hung up the phone after the two of you had spoken your farewells, but you could hardly remember the rest of the drive as you stood in front of your old home.

Your mind felt entirely numb as you gawked at the tall, polished building.

The crime scene—where the dreams that you had been building since you were fifteen years old came to die a gruesome death. You swiftly ducked under the fitting yellow tape as you made your way into the scorched portion of the home—your old room.

It was pretty much the only area that had been affected by the disaster as the rest of the home basically look exactly as you had remembered it to be—well minus the manly mess that Kiri tended to leave behind. You assumed Katsuki had been more strict on house rules since you left.

You walked up to what was left of your grandmother’s dresser and traced your fingers along the crumbling edges of the wood. You ended your trail as your fingers found their way onto an old frame. You couldn’t tell if picture was okay since a film of ash painted the fractured glass, but the frame seemed fine, as it resided in an area that hadn’t been touched by the inferno.

So then why was the glass cracked?

That’s when it hit you—it must have been the object that you had thrown at Farrah that night. You remembered that you threw something at her that shattered, but you never bothered to find out what.

Why the hell didn’t Katsuki fix it?

You curiously, but cautiously wiped the glass with the edge of your shirt.

What was revealed was the first picture the you and Bakugou had ever taken together. He was tied to a pole with a muzzle on at the U.A. sports festival award ceremony your freshman year. You had been standing next to him as he stood on the first-place podium on your very own third pace spot.

The memory quickly flooded into your mind.

That day when you fought him was the first time that he had ever acknowledged you. He actually congratulated you in his own way you supposed. He told you that you put up a really good fight. You couldn’t help but to shake your head at the recollection as a smile dared to pull the corner of your lips up.

“Y/N?” A loud, rough voice caused you to jump suddenly before you whipped yourself around. What you saw surprised you,

Katsuki? But he’s not even supposed to be here! Especially with bloodied bandages placed throughout his scratched up body!!

He looked just as surprised as you, “What the fuck?!” he exclaimed.

“That’s my line, you ass! I thought you were in the hospital!” you cried out as you hurriedly dropped the frame into a bag you had been using to gather some of your things.

“I’m fine,” he quickly readjusted his face from the previously shocked expression, “They’re crazy if they thought I was gonna stay overnight.”

“Jesus, Katsuki,” you shook your head in disappointment.

“What?!” he barked.

You simply continued to shake your head as you attempted to rush past him, “Nothing. I’m leaving.”

“Wait! Don’t,” he suddenly reached out to grab you but you harshly shrugged him away before sending a glare at him,

“Why? Have something to say?” Of course he didn’t. He hadn’t reached out to you in all of this time. Not since the day everything went down. But then again, he hardly talked with you when you lived together, so why would he even bother speaking to you after you broke up.

Still, a piece of you yearned for him to care about you enough to speak up as you searched his eyes for an ounce of affection. You saw none—just hurt and a splash of his usual flavor of rage.  

“That’s what I thought,” your voice surprisingly croaked as you spoke. You turned away from him and began to walkaway, halting as he called out to you once more,

“You and Icyhot? REALLY?” he roared behind you, “I bet you were just waiting on me to fuck up so you’d have an excuse to crawl back to him, weren’t you?”

You whipped yourself back to furiously scowl at him. Of course that’s the first thing he wants to talk about after all this time, “You have zero right to judge me for moving on quickly even if I was fucking him!”

“So you’re not?!” he didn’t sound very convinced as he stormed up to you.

“Bakugou, that’s none of your business!” you didn’t back away as you challenge him. He hated it when you used his last name, “So what if I am?!” you exclaimed as tears pricked the backs of your eyes.

“I gave you a damned ring—we were getting married next fucking month!!” as his voice cracked your eyes were drawn to his arms that he intensely held on either side of him. His hands were quietly quivering in rage as he continued, “Of course it’s my fucking business!”

You snapped back regardless of his dangerously pissed off state. He is still trying to defend himself like he did nothing wrong after all this fucking time, “I gave you my ENTIRE being Katsuki!! I gave you my trust and my whole heart and everything else I could muster up and more!!!” You screamed at the top of your voice. Tears freely rolled down your tired cheeks at this point,

“So fucking what if you gave me a hunk of metal with a few gems?! What else did you give me? Huh?! What else did you offer up to me? Affection? Consideration? Loyalty??” your voice heavily cracked on the last word as you stared at the seemingly unphased man in front of you.

He held a glare as if it were permanently plastered onto his expression, yet he didn’t say anything in return, so you continued speaking after shakily gathering up a spare breath,  “God, I still think about you in practically everything that I do…” you cried as you pathetically stared at the ground in front of you. Bakugou’s fierce red eyes continued to burn holes into your image as you spoke,

“…but you probably only care that some other man is stomping around on your territory. You haven’t even reached out to me past the initial weekend when shit hit the fan,” you looked back up to see him still glaring at you intensely. You couldn’t tell if he was judging you or if he hated you. Probably a mix of the two.

What a condescending asshole.

“What?! Stop fucking looking at me! Say something dammit!” you pushed him away from you and was surprised by how good it felt, “Anything!!” you pleaded as you pushed him back again towards the living room.

He still said nothing as he threw his glare away from you and toward the ground. You groaned in annoyance before shoving him back again. Why was he always so damn quiet when you actually wanted him to speak up?

“Fight me back, dammit!” you didn’t even care that you sounded like him anymore. Maybe it’s what he wanted from you the entire time as his mastermind meticulously chipped away at the persona that you had been building all of your life. Well, if it’s what he wanted, you would be more than happy to oblige in this case, “You like to pick fights don’t you?!” you screamed as you used your entire body and shoved him once last time, actually tripping him.

The two of you fell and you toppled on top of him as your tears transformed into sobs, “Just do something, you grimy ass bastard! I know you want to!” you weakly pounded against his chest as sobs continued to tear themselves from your throat.

Bakugou truthfully had no words to speak as he watched your heartbroken form collapse on his chest.

He wanted so desperately to say something.

He wanted to tell you everything that he was feeling, and more than anything he wanted to hold you close to him and comfort you.

But it was as If something in the fibers of his being stopped him from doing so as you laid broken on top of him.

It had always been that way with you.

Every time he had opened his mouth to say something affectionate to you, something vile and downright disrespectful would fly out instead. Every time he wanted to reach out to you and touch you gently, all of the wrong muscles spasmed and he would do something completely erroneous.

It had been easier to neglect you at the time, rather than face you and hurt you, or fix himself even. But it was beyond fixing himself now.

Even so, he wanted to show you at least once that he was capable of doing something fucking right.

He owed you at least that.

He closed his eyes and he sharply grabbed your face and pressed it down onto his own as gently as he could. His hands were still shaking, not from anger as you had assumed, but from fear. He was terrified that you would completely abandon him without ever knowing how much he cared about you.

You whimpered into his mouth out of pure surprise as he continued to move his lips against your own, but you almost instantaneously settled down against him as relief surged throughout your body.

It felt as if a weight had been lifted from your being.

You found yourself kissing him back for only a moment more before you yanked yourself away from him, “No… no, no Katsuki….” You softly cried with wide eyes as you scooted away from him, “What are we doing!?”

“I know it’s over,” he said very flatly, “Between us, I mean.”

The sentence unexpectedly sent your heart falling deeply into your chest, “Wha—”

“Just shut up a moment and listen to me,” he interrupted you sharply. A thick silence enveloped the two of you for a beat as he seemed to internally kick himself for his harsh wording before he awkwardly shifted himself to sit next to you. His arms struggled to find their way around you as he lamely gathered you into his arms and pulled you close to him, “Just…. don’t look at me,” he grumbled, “I won’t be able to say the shit that I mean if you look.”

You couldn’t even find the time question what he had meant as he quickly continued,

“You... are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know I didn’t always act like it, but it’s true, dammit. I know that I couldn’t show it to you. It’s like my mind and my body were split on what to do. I wanted to hold you like this every night, but my body just wouldn’t let me… It’s just so damn confusing,” he finished with a croak.

He shook his head at himself before continuing, “I should have fucking done it anyway. I should have woken up early to make you breakfast more than just the once. I should have worked less so you wouldn’t have to spend days without me. I should have given you that ring sooner. I never should have slept with that woman. Drunk or not—but that goes without saying. I am so sorry, Y/N. You did not deserve this.”

You couldn’t help but to look up at him, but your heart broke as you saw heavy tears falling from his eyes.

He could feel your eyes on him but he found the resolve to continue regardless, “Anyway, I know it’s over now. I can feel it. What we had is over,” he fought himself from sobbing, “I’ll never see that ring on you again, and I don’t deserve to either. I didn’t deserve a lot of things I got growing up, but I definitely didn’t deserve you,” he sounded as if he was trying to convince himself, “I don’t think I can change who I am to be what you need me to be. You deserve more than what I can give you right now. And....” he tried to pull the words out of himself, “if Half n’ Half can do it, then I should let you go that way.”

He sighed. You weren’t sure if you had ever heard him sigh before. It shocked you as he continued, “I used to think you were keeping me from winning, and I was stupid to think that,” he rested his head on top of yours, “I’m just dragging you down onto my level at this point,” he shook his head, “but I won’t let that shit happen,” he finally dropped his face to look you in the eyes, “I love you so much, Y/N,” he whispered to you before pressing a painful kiss onto your forehead.

Was this even the same man you had known for almost half of your life?

“I-I love you too. I really do,” you stuttered as astonishment enveloped your body. The two of you sat in a bittersweet silence for a few moments before his gruff, substantially more put together voiced sounded once more,

“As much I hate to say this,” he lowly began as he moved you over and stood up, “you should go,” he held a hand to you to help you up.

Your hand faltered toward his own before you reluctantly accepted his gesture, doubts filling you mind. Bakugou, ever perceptive, noticed your reluctance and immediately cleared the air as he opened the front door for you,

“If Mismatch ever treats you half as bad as I did, I will set him on fire,” he lowly stated. The Bakugou you grew up with suddenly reappeared.

“He has a fire quirk… I don’t think that will work,” you tried to joke, but honestly your heart was hurting so much.

“Fucking watch me,” he smiled at you.

Genuinely smiled.

Your heart melted at the rare scene in front of you and your weak legs could barely make it out of the door.

After moments of staring at each other, you returned a small, sad smile at him before you walked out of the apartment and shut the door behind you.

What... just happened? You turned back around to face the door and placed your hand on the knob. You let it sit for a moment before you slowly retracted it, cursing under your breath.

On the other side, Bakugou knew that he had made the correct decision letting you go to Todoroki, but the pain in his heart begged him to follow after you.

However, the doubts and reluctance to do so further solidified his decision. He wasn’t ready to be the man you needed. Yet.

He had a lot of maturing to do before he could truly love his soulmate.

Soulmate.

The thought sent flutters into his worn down heart.

A reminder of the faith that he had that you two would find your way back to each other one day.

[jcisthebestfightme]

BJYX Song #8: Brother and Sister

BJYX Song Series List

Disclaimer: My own speculations only.

So after two very sweet songs from gg, we’re back to dd. Dd, why are all your song so sad? Even though we see dd very happy with gg all the time, the songs he chose all reflect his insecurities, especially with age and gender. 

The song I want to talk about today is “Brother and Sister” by Easen Chen, one of dd’s favorite artist that he listen to since he was young. Even though the title says “brother” and “sister”, which implies a guy and a girl, on Baidu Baike (Chinese Wikipedia), it says that this song describe a love so pure, it even exceeds gender. It says “它甚至可以是同性的爱情” which translate to “it can even be love between two people of the same gender.” The lyrics is written by a man that’s famous in the Chinese music world for his sexuality and writing songs that speaks about unrequited love in homosexual relationships. 

This song was listed on the top of his song list when it was displayed during the ttxs episode that gg was there for. Since the events of Bombology, we know that dd tried really hard to get gg on the show and was mad at him for almost not coming. This allow people to speculate that dd is showing gg this song list, which was full of sad love songs, in order to convey to him his feelings of sadness and insecurities in their relationship. I think that they may be songs dd listen to when ggdd had a period of separation after the filming of CQL when gg wanted to get out of character and figure out how they can be together in the future. I think dd is using this as an opportunity to let gg know how much pain he was in back then. You obviously wouldn’t go up to the person you’re dating now and be like “hey listen to these songs I listen to when we were on a break.” And since he was already pissed from gg’s almost in-attendance, he may be using this to get some attention. We know from gg��d reaction that this is the first time he saw this song list or songs similar to this style from dd. When the list was first shown, he was like “What? This is your song list?” And then later, he asked again, “Is this really your song list? I feel like it’s wrong.” (summarizing) Dd then responded that he has many different song lists. So gg was surprise to see this side of dd. Dd likes to act proud and strong so he probably rarely show his vulnerable side to gg, especially when it’s about their relationship.

The backstory of the song already tells us that we can interpret “brother” and “sister” to also be between two “brothers.” If anything, I think this is the song that directly refute anyone that likes to say ggdd’s relationship is friendly, just like brothers. If you watch the music video of this song, it’s actually about the homosexual relationship between two girls. 

對我好　對我好　好到無路可退 ([You’re] nice to me, nice to me, to a point of no return)

可是我也很想　有個人陪 (But I also really want, to have someone to accompany me)

才不願把你得罪 (So I’m unwilling to upset you)

The first line uses repetition to emphasize how “nice” the other person is over and over again. We can see that gg also treats dd this way, creating a safe space to allow dd to be himself and not getting mad at dd when he’s being stubborn. I’ve analyze before in “If I were a song” that this is the way gg show love to dd and this is the way he thinks he can best love dd. However, I never thought about how dd feels about this. This first line tells us that maybe dd can misinterpret it? He knows gg is being nice and loving to him but it actually makes him feel insecure. Is gg being nice because he treats me like a child? Just like family? Is he just a nice person? 

The line “to a point of no return” tells us that dd is completely head over heels for gg, which most of us can see with our own eyes. Here, we learn he know so himself. He knows gg is nice to him and he knows he likes gg. But wants more than that. He was gg to “accompany” him. “Accompany” here means someone to spend eternity with. Dd is saying he desire to never let go of gg. If we assume that he’s speaking about the period where they were on a break in late 2018, then dd is super insecure about where his future with gg is. They spent an entire summer being in an ambiguous flirtatious stage, that may or may have developed into an early relationship. But then gg left him and he feels really hurt. He want to hold gg close forever but he can’t because he loves him too much. That’s why he’s “unwilling to upset” gg. We can see from their interactions and the song “Nan Hai” that dd is actually the one that’s more self-abased and less confident in the relationship. He’s so afraid of not being to provide for gg.

於是那麼迂迴 (So we walk in circles)

一時進　一時退　保持安全範圍 (Sometimes we move forward, sometimes we move back, we stay in the safe zone)

This part of the song talks about how ggdd was during that ambiguous state. They push and pull, testing each other to see how far they can take their relationship. The word “進 (forward)” and “退 (backwards)” before? Yes, they were the same motifs as in “If I were young.” In “If I were young,” knowing when to move forward and backwards show maturity. But here, it’s telling us that even though knowing these limits show maturity, it’s also very painful to be stuck in the ambiguity. For someone as young and straightforward as dd, he must be in a lot of agony. But because of his gender and age, I think dd feels like he must endure this because he can’t be as straightforward as a more socially acceptable romantic pursuit.

這個陰謀讓我　好慚愧 (This scheme makes me ashamed)

享受被愛滋味　卻不讓你想入非非 (Enjoying the feeling of being loved, but won’t let you get what you want)

We can feel dd’s agony in this stage. But instead of making himself the victim, he’s actually blaming himself for “enjoying the feeling of being loved” too much. It’s almost as if he feels like he doesn’t deserve this love he has with gg so every moment he has with him, it’s godsent. This explains why dd is so self-abased in this relationship. He feels “ashamed” for wanting more from the relationship so he’s unwilling to let go and allow gg to “do whatever he wants” because he’s scared that maybe what gg wants is just friendship or brotherhood. 

就讓我們虛偽 (Let’s be fake)

The word “fake” here has many layers. Because CQL is a BL drama, many people often accuse ggdd as being fake in their relationship as a form of queer-baiting for promoting the show and gaining popularity. So I think the “let’s be fake” can hit too close home for dd because he doesn’t want to have to sell out his relationship with gg but at the same time, if he can use this excuse to be close to gg, should he? This goes the same for their roles as WWX and LWJ. They could use their “fake” persona who are two lovers as an excuse to be lovey-dovey with each other without ever revealing their feelings. We know from all the interviews how much dd wants to separate himself from LWJ but gg during filming sees himself as WWX so dd also struggles with using LWJ as an excuse to get close gg. 

有感情　別浪費 (Have feelings, shouldn’t be wasted)

This line is basically giving in to his desire. Dd knows that true “feelings” exist between them and for someone as ambitious as he is, he won’t let any opportunity “go to waste”. We can see from how determined he is about dancing, motorcycle, skateboard, etc. that he would not let anything go. This is also true about his feelings for gg, at least that’s what he wants. However, there is a lot more insecurity when it comes to love and so while dd wants to grab on like he does with his hobbies, part of him is also afraid to move forward.

不能相愛的一對 (Two people that can’t love each other)

親愛像兩兄妹 (Emotionally close like brother and sister)

This goes back to the theme in all of dd’s songs that talks about not being able to be together because of gender and age. Here, even though we’ve established previously that genuine feelings exist, they “can’t” love each other and have to settle for being “brothers.” I think the label of “brothers” is also particularly agonizing for dd because that’s how homophobia in China like to wash homosexual relationship, for example saying that Wangxian’s relationship is just brotherly. So if ggdd can’t be lovers, being “brothers” would be socially acceptable relationship for them.

愛讓我們虛偽 (Love allow us to be fake/hypocritical)

The relationship feels fake because it’s not exactly what dd genuinely wants. They use their roles as actors and Wangxian’s relationship to cover up a lot of their feelings for each other. 

我得到　於事無補的安慰 (What I gain is useless comfort)

你也得到模仿愛上一個人的機會 (What you gain is the chance to imitate falling in love with someone)

This echos the first line of the song that gg gives dd a lot of care. But the “comfort” is “useless” because no matter how much gg gives, if they’re not honest about their relationship, dd’s heart will always have a gaping hole that the comfort can never fill. Since dd is uncertain of what gg feels, all he sees is gg acting like he’s liking someone so that’s why it feels like gg is just “imitating” the act of falling in love. We know now that gg does love him but when you’re in a fog of ambiguous relationship, you can never be sure if the other person is in love with love or in love with you.

殘忍也不失慈悲 (It’s brutal but still have mercy)

這樣的關係你說　多完美 (This kind of relationship, won’t you say it’s wonderful?)

These two lines have a tone of mockery. The oxymoron of “brutal” and “mercy” paints the push and pull relationship they were in during filming and the up and down dd must have felt when they were on a break. We know dd is a very blunt person and doesn’t like to beat around the bush. So for him to be in this state, it must be agonizing, painful, and “brutal” so the word “wonderful” is definitely mockery. 

眼看你　看著我　看得那麼曖昧 (Look at you, looking at me, looking so “ai mei”)

被愛愛人原來一樣可悲 (Being loved and loving someone apparently is equally pitiful)

I purposefully didn’t translate “ai mei” because to me, there is no good English word for it. It describe an ambiguous state before dating when you’re flirty yet uncertain. When we watch the CQL bts, “ai mei” is the pink flurry bubbles we see between ggdd. Here, the song perfectly describes that state during filming. It also uses “eyes” and “looking” to describe this “ai mei” between ggdd because the most obvious sign of ggdd liking each other in my opinion is the way they look at each other, whether as Wangxian or as themselves. But the next line tells us that while it seems pink and fluffy from outsiders, it’s actually “pitiful” that that’s all they can have, for both parties. I think here dd thinks the’s the one that is “loving someone” and gg is the one that’s “being loved”, establishing an unequal position between them. But I think that they love each other equally and that dd was just too in a mist to see it.

為什麼竟然防備　別人給我獻媚 (Why guard? The flattery others give me)

不能推　不能要　要了怕你誤會 (Can’t deny, can’t want, I worry if I want you will misunderstand)

讓我想起曾經　愛過誰　我所要的她不給 (Let me be reminded of a person I used to love, and she didn’t love me back)

好像小偷一樣卑微 (I was just as pitiful as a thief)

The “can’t deny, can’t want” echos the beating around the bush feeling. You can feel the ambiguous tension in this verse. The song talks about another girl that the singer used to love that didn’t love them back. Here, I’m going to assume that dd just empathize with the feeling and not take it literally. The line “as pitiful as a thief” really breaks my heart. Dd must have felt like the love he was receiving didn’t really belong to him and that every moment he was bask in it, he was being greedy.

The actual plot of the whole song is about a girl liking the singer and the singer didn’t like her back but still enjoy the ambiguous situation they were in. My own head cannon for this song is that for dd, he empathize more with the pain of the push and pull described in the song more than the plot. He’s unsure where his relationship with gg stand. If he listen to this song during late 2018 when they barely contact, he must’ve been using this ambiguous pain to describe the relationship they had during summer 2018. It may’ve been sweet but dd was always in a state of fear of loss. And since he wasn’t in contact with gg, he is also afraid that gg will come back and say they should just be “brothers.” “Brotherhood” must be one of the most painful definition for ggdd because during their interviews in summer 2019, they always refer to each other as “friends” (or “like friends”) and rarely ever use “brothers” because “friends” can imply “best friends” and “boyfriend” but “brothers” can only ever be platonic.  

This song was as agonizing to analyze as it was to listen to. But it’s such a beautiful piece. It’s actually really hard not to let my own emotion get to my analysis haha. I will pick something happier for my next one, probably gg’s view again. 

Also, happy birthday, dd! This is the 8th song to represent you. The music video also have them celebrating a cake. I hope you have move away from pain and are celebrating with loved ones <3

[my-miraculous-headcanons]

End of Chameleon

In which Marinette tells Adrien about Lila threatening her, and things go a little differently.

“As Long As We Both Know”

     • Adrien makes the same speech as he did at the end of Chameleon. He doesn’t know Marinette was threatened, and he wasn’t around when Marinette told Alya and Nino about the event she “witnessed” in Volpina.

     • Instead of just agreeing with him, Marinette goes really silent. The look on her face worries him, so he pulls her to a more private place, like an empty classroom. He asks her what’s wrong.

     • “She threatened me,” Marinette tells him. “In the bathroom, she said she’d turn everyone against me, even you. I freaked out and almost got akumatised. I got really scared. I... I don’t want to lose my friends.”

     • Adrien is very quickly rethinking his stance on the whole matter. It’s one thing if Lila’s just telling a bunch of petty lies to get attention, but threatening someone he cares about is crossing the line.

     • “I take back what I said before,” Adrien says. “It’s not enough just knowing. Knowing didn’t stop her from scaring and hurting your feelings. But I still don’t think constantly trying to out her lies is going to work. It didn’t work before, right?”

     • Marinette can’t really argue against that. He’s right. Every time she tried to say something, it got turned around until she was suddenly the bad guy. Confronting her didn’t work.

     • “I mean,” Adrien continues. “I privately spoke to her and asked her nicely to stop, and she still got angry enough to get akumatised. And if she threatened you just because you didn’t believe her, then clearly there’s... something wrong. Telling her to stop lying doesn’t work, and trying to expose her lies doesn’t work. So maybe we can just warn our friends on the side? We could tell Alya and Nino that she’s lying.”

     • Marinette’s lip trembles, and he has a feeling he may have said the wrong thing.

     • “I already told them,” Marinette says simply. “They didn’t believe me. Alya asked me for proof.”

     • Adrien frowns. “Well, maybe they’ll listen if there’s two of us?” He doesn’t say anything about the proof. He’s actually a little angry on Marinette’s behalf for that comment, considering Alya never asked Lila for proof. 

     • “You could tell them. But I don’t think I want to be there when you do. I’m still a little upset with them, and I really don’t want to get in a fight...”

     • They agree that Adrien will talk with Nino and Alya tomorrow, and the bell rings. They both get to class. Since Marinette had that talk with Adrien, she doesn’t have a romantic daydream when he sits next to her. The worry about what tomorrow will bring has her wanting to focus more in class, to forget about her troubles, so Madame Bustier doesn’t ask Marinette to sit in the front. She and Adrien remain in the back.

The Next Day

     • Marinette arrives to school and tells Adrien about what Lila had said yesterday at the stairs. Adrien realises that Lila’s a lot worse than he had thought, and is even more determined to tell Nino and Alya the truth later.

     • When lunch starts, he pulls Alya and Nino aside, and Marinette decides to eat at home. He tells Nino and Alya that they should be careful of Lila, since she’s been lying about a lot of things. That they shouldn’t trust the promises she tells them.

     • Alya laughs. “Did Marinette tell you to say that? I don’t see what her problem is. Lila’s cool, she’ll see that soon!”

     • That surprises Adrien. And makes him very, very uncomfortable.

     • “Marinette didn’t make me say anything. Lila threatened her twice already, because Marinette knew she was lying.”

     • “You shouldn’t believe whatever Marinette tells you,” Alya says dismissively. “She’s just jealous. She’ll get over it soon.”

     • “Yeah,” Nino hops in. “Marinette just hasn’t gotten to know Lila, yet. Whatever problems she has, I’m sure it’ll blow over.”

     • Adrien’s beginning to understand why Marinette didn’t want to be here for this talk. Why she was worried they’d get into a fight. It’s making him angry. Marinette’s best friend is writing off her feelings and calling her jealous, and outright telling him not to believe a word she says. Nino’s known Marinette since forever, and he’s apparently not gonna defend her anytime soon. He’s agreeing and blowing off her feelings, too.

     • “What do you mean, ‘she’ll get over it soon.’ You guys realise who you’re talking about here, right? Don’t you think that, maybe, if Marinette’s acting really upset and seems to have a beef with someone, there’s a reason for it? We’re her friends. We should trust her.”

     • “Yeah, and that reason is because she’s jealous,” Alya says, rolling her eyes. “I know that girl like the back of my hand. Trust me, she’ll calm down and apologise soon.”

     • “Why should I trust you?” Adrien’s a little aware that his voice is rising in volume. Nino and Alya give him surprised looks. He doesn’t care. “Isn’t that a little hypocritical of you? And why are you so calm about Marinette being upset? You should be worried! You’re her best friend! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

     • “Hey,” Nino intervenes, looking really uncomfortable with how quickly this is escalating. “Dude, not cool. Don’t speak to her like that. Let’s just calm down, okay?”

     • “Don’t speak to her like that?! She thinks it’s a bright idea to go behind Marinette’s back and tell other people that she’s an untrustworthy, jealous liar!”

     • “That’s not what I said!”

     • “That’s exactly what you implied!”

     • Adrien’s confused by his anger at first, but he quickly realises why, exactly, he’s so angry. Why he’s reacting so badly. These were Marinette’s friends. They’re both close with her for different reasons, both have looked out for her in the past. They’re people Marinette thought she could always count on. 

     • These were his friends. And he’s watching his friends turn their backs on Marinette, their Everyday Ladybug, like it’s nothing. He’s watching them talk about her like her thoughts and feelings don’t matter. What does that say about them? What does that say about his relationship with them? Would they do this to him, too? 

     • These were people he thought were loyal. His friends. Marinette’s friends. But he and Marinette were wrong. These two won’t always have their backs. And that’s terrifying. 

     • He leaves that argument feeling devastated. He evades his driver and walks straight to Marinette’s house. She opens the door, sees his face, and lets him in without a word. She’s not surprised, but she had hoped.

Not Our Problem Anymore

     • Adrien and Marinette decide not to do anything about Lila, especially after Adrien told Marinette about what happened with Alya and Nino. They’re both pretty heartbroken with how their friends had acted, and they’re both very angry. Their friends won’t believe them? Fine. When the truth inevitably comes out, they better not come crawling back. 

     • With Adrien’s prompting, Marinette tells her parents about what had happened at school. Tom and Sabine are understandably furious, but also know that Marinette does not want to get involved with any more drama. They make plans to transfer her into a private school, and buy her a new phone. The only numbers Marinette puts in are her parents’, Master Fu’s, and Adrien’s.

     • Adrien puts a file together to convince his father to move him into the same private school as Marinette. He doesn’t trust his classmates anymore, and he doesn’t think he’ll be happy there without Marinette around. He's scared of the people he believed were his friends, and he acknowledges that’s unhealthy and wrong. He should have felt safe and trusted with them. 

     • So, he pulls up a logical, detailed list. The school has a great academics program, famously exceptional sports teams, and has spurned quite a lot of creative minds over the years. His father seems rather pleased, seemingly under the impression that Adrien’s getting more serious about his other activities. Gabriel has Nathalie make the arrangements for the transfer. 

     • Adrien also buys a new phone. He only has Marinette, Chloé, his father, Nathalie, Kagami, and his bodyguard entered into his contacts. Later, Marinette’s parents put their numbers in, too. 

     • Adrien and Marinette adjust to their new school pretty well, but have trust issues, and don’t make many more friends. Marinette gets over her stutter around Adrien, and they both become much closer for it. Kagami and Marinette put aside their differences and become friends, and Chloé surprisingly doesn’t make a fuss about Adrien’s transfer, but doesn’t really try too hard to make friends with Marinette.

     • When the truth about Lila comes out, Adrien and Marinette are blissfully unaware, up until someone gets akumatised over it. Ladybug and Chat Noir defeat and purify the akuma, both now equipped with the knowledge that Lila’s reign is finally over. They don’t feel relieved.

     • Alya and Nino had both tried to visit their houses and apologise. They were ignored. They were given many chances, and they blew all of them. Marinette and Adrien don’t want their apologies. Whatever happened with Lila, it’s not their problem anymore.

+ Bonus Content

     • Adrien realises that even though he lost Alya and Nino as friends, and left school, he still manages to have way more friends than Marinette. All Marinette has is him, while he still has her, Kagami, Chloé, Plagg, and Ladybug. He starts visiting a little as Chat Noir, which may be an abuse of his powers, but... He hates the idea of Marinette being lonely. A girl like her should be surrounded by friends. It’s a little awkward at first, because of her love confession from last time, but she’s even more goofier and sassier with Chat Noir. 

     • Rena Rouge and Carapace don’t make an appearance again. When Chat asked why, Ladybug said that they couldn’t be trusted anymore. Knowing how it feels to lose trust in people you thought you could count on, Chat says nothing. He simply nods and accepts it.

     • Lila was exposed when Jagged Stone had visited the school to ask about Marinette and why she hadn’t been answering his or Penny’s texts. One of the students asks him about his apparent close relationship with Lila Rossi, and he outright states that he’s never heard of the girl. Everything crumbles from there. Jagged Stone leaves to the Dupain-Cheng bakery, seeing Marinette’s not at school, and informs her parents that he wants to commission her again. He gets her new number there.

     • Almost everyone at Adrien and Marinette’s new school are completely convinced that the two are dating and are some sort of power couple. It doesn’t help that Adrien’s fans have taken pictures of the two on “dates” and that they only ever seem to be super close with each other. 

     • Marinette’s grades actually improve quite a bit in her new school. They take their academics very seriously, but they’re not harsh. When they see a student struggling, they take careful steps to help the student through whatever it is they can’t understand. Every student is is individually taken care of on some personal level. The art club is also fully stocked all the time and very calming to work in, so her design work improves as well.

     • Wayhem goes to school there, which is a surprise to Adrien. Despite his newfound trust issues, he’s been emailing Wayhem for a while, so he doesn’t mind becoming better friends. Wayhem is also a fashion nerd and, when Adrien introduced him to Marinette, the two got along really well. (When Adrien’s not looking, the two are gushing a little about their apparent shared crush on the boy. There’s no love rivalry, they kind of enjoy getting to gush about Adrien together, actually. Also, Wayhem’s convinced Adrien and Marinette are secretly dating.)

     • Chat Noir suggests Marinette to Ladybug as a new temporary hero, recommending the Fox Miraculous because of how creative and smart Marinette is. Ladybug almost starts crying. She tells him to ask Marinette, because she knows she’d have an easier time rejecting the offer as a civilian instead of Ladybug telling Chat no. 

     • Ladybug suggests Adrien for the Turtle Miraculous and Chat Noir panics and mentions Adrien’s very busy schedule. Ladybug thinks about it for a moment, agrees that Chat’s made a point, and drops the idea. 

That’s all I have for now. You guys can do with this what you want, either add your own HCs, use for a fic, etc etc. My blog is meant for everyone to take creative inspiration from, so knock yourself out. Hope you liked it!

[komatsunana]

Pt 2 of Martina and my conversation on Ren Honjo and other related topics

In order to save everyone’s dashboards, I’m making another post lol.  This is a continuation of this conversation between @placebogirl7​ and my conversation.

Hehe, well even if we don’t like Takumi personally, he’s still an interesting character to explore! I definetly don’t disagree with you though - it’s probably a happier environment if a band is more like a family under Papa Yasu rather than an army of soldiers to General Takumi.  I think the problem is Takumi is too OP!!  He doesn’t listen anyone else because at the end... He’s right and always fives steps ahead of everyone - ally and enemy alike.  Well until he isn’t, at the end when Ren dies.  Nothing prepared him for it and even though he tries to regain control of the situation... Nothing can bring Ren back.  He isn’t all-powerful.

Nah, no worries you haven’t expressed yourself wrong!  I’m just incredibly pendantic, lol.  But I totally get what you mean - I might have a different PoV but I don’t think you’re wrong at all to see Ren as being hypocritic for saying he didn’t care what and for who he played for, when he clearly wanted to be playing for Trapnest.  It’s even likely he doesn’t see how that’s contrary.

Perhaps the problem is that Ren doesn’t realize family doesn’t *have* to be a nuclear family with a father, mother, and biological children.  He didn’t know Blast was his family already, that if he’d just accepted Yasu’s adoptive parents to help him they’d have been his family too... and that’s why he left, because he believed in Takumi’s vision and Nana was denying him asking her to be the mother to his children.  When you didn’t grow up in a family, it could be hard to notice when you finally get one if it doesn’t look like the ones you see in movies.

I can’t take a photo with my phone atm, but Ren says something like “I just got her to tell me by pretending I understood her decision.  I would’ve been able to take a break next week, she didn’t need to do this.”  Tbh I never wanted to be THAT weeb who learned Japanese just to read manga but... Nothing makes me want to learn Japanese more than that I want to read NANA in the original language!  I think Shojo Beat did a good job of translating the series, and injected a lot of fun into the way the characters talk, but it really isn’t possible to completely translate one language into another without losing something.

Oh yeah, none of that was to say that Yasu, Ren, or even Shin are unimportant to Blast... But Nana wasn’t planning on continuing Blast in Tokyo until Nobu moved there.  Those two ARE Blast.  A band that doesn’t have both of them is not Blast, it’s a band by another name.

Oooh, yeah Takumi says something about it here:

He doesn’t straight out say that he wants to manage Reira’s solo career, but the implication is there when you take into account that Trapnest was created for her and his masterplan for her.

And nah, you aren’t wrong!!  We just have different opinions and that’s cool.  Tbh, I think art like NANA is subjective and I don’t think either of us are right or wrong.  Unless it’s something textual or an actual theory for something that is textual, everything is just up to us to have our own opinions and ideas.  I also think I don’t have too much about hypocrisy unless it’s harming someone (Example: ”Get a job you homeless bum!!!! Anyway off to church now”) so we’re gonna feel more upset about different things.  That’s all.

Oh sorry, I didn’t say that clearly... What I mean is that Ren realizes after betraying Blast that he betrayed them and feel bad about betraying them.  Now that Ren is part of Trapnest, he doesn’t want to betray another band - not even to help the band that he once betrayed.

Oh yeah, I definitely agree that in that fight about Nana asking Ren to sub for Shin both of them said some things to apologize for.  And that Nana didn’t feel as close to Shin as she did to Yasu and Nobu (though I do think the little we see of their relationship is very interesting!)  With your views on why Nana always saw Shin as a stand-in for Ren, do you think her views on Shin changed when he made that promise again to surpass Ren upon getting out of jail?  Just curious!  I also agree that the Nana and Takumi parallels are real, though I think how they fight their battles are very different.

Hm, I don’t think only unhappy people take drugs though that’s often the reason people in poverty might.  Also, if I can remember right, I think Ren really only starts taking drugs when his relationship with Nana begins again so I think that’s part of it.  Not that Nana is making him unhappy, but he feels... idk unfulfilled maybe?  I’m not sure, but I also see your point!

(Woo~ both of are the same as Miu lol)

Anyway, I think Nana’s reasons for not wanting children aren’t just her lack of confidence and it’s a very complex reason, tied into her traumatic upbringing and her desires to be free on stage, and her lack of maternal instinct and probably even more.  But I still agree she could change her mind, though I think there were other reasons for Nana to ask that of her gyno: to pick up her birth control, because Ren wanted children and she didn’t, maybe her own ideas of being a mother someday, and also... maybe a little bit about her own mom, who had to have lacked some maternal instinct to abandon Nana like she did.  Of course none of what we’re talking about takes into account the popular fan theory that Satsuki could biologically be Nana and Ren’s.

I think Ren understood Nana better before their first break up, but it is possible that Ren never understood Nana’s trauma completely.  After all, from Ren’s pov... he was abandoned as a baby and never had a family ever.  At least Nana had her grandma.  And even though as readers we know that’s wrong, but I could see Ren thinking that. Maybe.

Oooh, well I do think there is a difference between the dreams you have at night and the dreams you have for your life... But wow!! That Italian translation really brings on some different meanings, I think it sounds very beautiful when put like that.  Now I want to learn every language and read NANA in every language OTL

Oh man, the hard hitting question!!! What was Ren’s plan!!! I don’t know!!!!! Lol.  I mean I have my ideas and I do think that Ren’s gift to Nana will be the only way we’ll ever know the answer possibly... I have 3 different theories.  

That Ren would break up with Nana to continue playing for Trapnest and ask her if she would still come live with him when they were both old in the warehouse.  I actually think that one is the least likely.

That Ren would give Nana the choice once again and tell her that he was going to stay with Trapnest and that she would have to live with it or break up because they would both be unhappy if not.  This might lead into option 1, asking if they could retire to the warehouse one day, if she said no and they broke up but unlikely.  I think in the case of Ren putting the choice in Nana’s hands it’s one or the other: they reconcile and stay together or stay apart forever.

Ren dedicates himself to staying with Nana, even if it means never getting back with Trapnest again.  He’ll be Satsuki’s favorite uncle and fight uncle Nobu to teach her guitar and support his wife with her musical career.  He’ll be what he always wanted Nana to be for him, waiting for her to come home.  He does not re-join Blast, though he might do something else musically.  Maybe teach!  I think he’d be the BEST music teacher.

Of course this is Yazawa and I fully expect whatever she had planned to be unexpected and yet completely in character and believable. I do fully believe that Ren had made his decision and he was committed to it on the drive and that he was completely happy with it.  What about you?

I think it is inevitable that big fandoms will have some ugliness and shipping wars and things like that - it’s one of the few benefits to a small fandom is that everyone knows each other so we all better be nice.  It still sucks to see though.

(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

[honeyrose-tea]

honestly, I completely understand what you're going through. when I was with my ex, I lent him so many things, including books. I never got any of them back. it still makes me a little upset when I think about all I did for him and how little it seemed to matter. its so hypocritical that he never let you borrow anything because he was scared you wouldn't return it, and yet he hasn't returned your belongings. if youd like, you can post an Amazon wish list link with the book, and I could buy it for you. it won't be the same, but it'll be a new copy of the book from a friend, which might be special in a different way? anyways, hope you manage to find some peace. -🌙

I hate that you've gone through the same thing, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I like that you understand. you have a way of phrasing the same things in a much more concise and clear manner, a trait I wish I had. really it's just the symbolism of it, that he will forever have parts of me that I can't get back and he'll always have a space in my heart that it appears he won't appreciate. but such is life, and I do not regret loving him then or now. he's worth all my love and more. but anyway

you're terribly sweet for offering to get me a copy. I haven't decided yet what I want to do about it, I may even ask for it back from him if the mood strikes me. or I might just be better off buying it again, but in some way that makes me feel like I'm giving up on him and on the possibility of us ever even being friendly again, and I don't think I'm ready to give that up yet. I should be, but I'm not. also I can't let you buy me anything, it's too much expense and trouble. which I suppose is hypocritical because I love spending insane amounts of money on others despite their protest (ask Eli, he absolutely hated it) but my old southern etiquette won't let me accept gifts for whatever reason. you're an angel to offer. it's nice to talk with you. I've been so lonely lately. I hope you're doing good. talk soon❤️

[bisexualfelicity]

No Other Version of Me - Chapter 4

Amalia Queen was once said to be so important that the universe made sure she happened. Yes, it was her mom who said that but it still counts. Now, she's an adult and struggles to be worthy of such sentence. She doesn't want to be a vigilante and make so many sacrifices like the rest of her family, but it doesn't mean she doesn't want to save the world.

Sequel to "Five Lives"

AO3 link

Chapter Four

“No,” is the only word they all seem to know. 

Amalia expected her parents position, they had always been against their children participating in vigilante activities and were bound to be reluctant, but everyone else? That’s a stab in her back. 

“You can’t just join us whenever you feel like it,” Libbi says, with a offhand air that makes Amalia want to strangle her. “This is a serious business, you going would make it more likely to fail. Do you know how long I had to train before I was accepted into the team?”

Amalia does in fact know it; she also knows that this is not the point. She has no interest in joining the team, she doesn’t care at all about any of that, she just wants to fix what she broke. 

Continue to reading under the cut or on AO3

Libbi might be right in theory, but they don’t know what they’re going to find and they should all use any help they could. Dismissing Amalia just because she isn’t a vigilante? That’s petty. It’s not like she has never been trained, she’s done that her entire life. 

“Come on, honey, I can give you comms and you can hear what’s going on, right next to me,” her mom tells her, “I know it’s hard to sit and wait here instead of going there. I’ve done that many times, remember?”

“It’s not the same at all, Mom, you’re helping from here! I can’t do any of the stuff you or Will can do, I’m much more useful in the field and you know that!” 

“No, I don’t know that. You’re useful here, safe, where no one else is going to have to worry about you doing something wrong. I know it’s hard to hear, but it’s not just that you can’t help, Mali, but you can compromise the entire mission,” Mom continues.

The softness in her voice is what fills Amalia’s eyes with water. She doesn’t know what to say anymore, she has begged everyone. It’s not like her to be like this, but there’s something she can’t explain. She just knows she needs to join them. She’s tried to say that, but Libbi complained it was just arrogance because she couldn’t admit she had done something wrong by not telling them. Maybe that’s part of it, but it’s not all. 

The entire team arrow is looking at her with pity and she can’t stand it. It was bad enough when it was just her family, but now Zoe, JJ and Becky are here, acting like they are humoring a child. 

“I’m sorry, Amalia, but it’s for the best,” Zoe tells her, “I can assure you Team Arrow has this handled, we’ve been working on this for a long time. We’ll get her back safely.”

Becky sends her a kind look and Amalia remembers how reluctant everyone was to let her join the team, all those years ago. Now, she doesn’t say anything on Amalia’s behalf, choosing to side with the majority. Bunch of hypocrites, it’s what they are. She wonders if she should do it like Becky and force their hands, follow them or go solo… But she can’t even entertain the thought seriously. That’s not who she is. 

Will asks her if she doesn’t want to go to his house, spend the day with the kids instead of sitting here in agony. It’s a nice proposal, one she would certainly accept in other circumstances. She loves the twins and they are usually one of the only things that can get her in a better mood when she’s upset, it’s impossible to stay sad when there are two years-olds loving you. But the thought of leaving the bunker and not knowing what is going on? It terrifies her. 

Amalia denies the offer and retires herself to the punching dummy. No one says anything, instead she sees they all reunite around the table, going over the plans for the night. She focus herself on the activity and tries to imagine as she were fighting real people. 

She doesn’t enjoy punching, always preferred the martial arts, but this works for now. She feels her vision blur with tears but fights against them. There is a time and place for crying and it’s late at night in her bed. Amalia knows the thoughts are just waiting for a moment of weakness and she refuses to give them an opening. Instead she steadies her breathing, stares at the bag and concentrates on the burning feeling on her fists. 

The more she punches it, the easier it gets. The pain doesn’t bother her, it helps focus. Her thoughts can’t go to the future if her body yells loud enough for her to pay attention in the present. 

“You should probably take a break,” a voice says behind her and it takes Amalia a few seconds to realize it’s Sara. “There’s pizza, I got you a slice.”

Amalia blinks as she processes the information. Glancing at her watch, she realizes it’s already lunch time; somehow the hours had passed while she tried to bury her thoughts. She looks around the bunker, and sees most of the team eating around the table. Her mom is looking at her direction, probably trying to figure out if Sara would get her to eat something, but turns away as soon as she sees Amalia looking back. 

She accepts the slice from Sara, even though she doesn’t feel the least bit hungry. She waits for Sara to leave, but the woman just stares at her.

“Thank you?” Amalia mumbles as she takes a bite, wondering what exactly Sara wants from her. Sara just laughs at that and sits on a futon next by. 

“How are you holding up?” Sara asks.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?” Amalia replies without thinking, immediately realizing how true that is. “I’ve been making this all about myself. I didn’t even get to say I’m sorry to you and Nyssa. I should have done something when Naila came to me… Now both your daughters are missing. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, you should have. But it’s okay, I understand why you didn’t and there’s no point in beating yourself up. We’re going to get them back. They are strong girls, they can protect themselves, I’m not worried about their safety.”

“What are you worried about then?” Amalia questions, reading Sara’s expression.

“There are other ways to hurt them. Taliq… wasn’t a good father. They are adults, but they never got to confront him. I’m not sure how that is going to affect them,” Sara sighs, burying her face in her hand. “You should probably talk to Naila after we get her back. She misses you.”

“I miss her too,” Amalia confesses, her voice no louder than a whisper, “I shouldn’t have sent her away by herself. I knew it was important but I was just so angry at her for showing up like that, I barely listened to what she was saying,” Amalia feels the hole in her chest aching and finds herself looking up to avoid crying again. “If the situation was reversed, she would have helped me. Even after all this time, I know she would.” 

“You can help now,” Sara says and it doesn’t escape Amalia how she doesn’t deny that Naila wouldn’t have betrayed her this way. 

“No, I can’t,” she complains, “The plans are already made, I have no skills I can use from here and no one will let me go in the field. Best case scenario, Naila comes back and I’ll have to look into her eyes and explain why I just stood by while she was kidnapped.”

There is more to be said, but Amalia doesn’t say it. She can’t even say it to herself, let alone to Naila’s mom, but that’s the most important part. She betrayed Naila. God, she had made so many mistakes with Naila, but she had been given a chance to make it right and she somehow made it worse. If something happened to Naila now… There would be no coming back for them. 

“Okay,” Sara says after a few seconds of silence, “How are your fighting skills?”

“My- what? They are good. My dad trained me since forever and I still practice. It’s better than gym,” she answers not understanding the relevance until Sara stands up and goes to the fighting mat, looking directly at her.

“Show me you can hold yourself in the field and I’ll see what I can do for you.” 

Amalia doesn’t waste any time, she’s full of adrenaline and motivation, so eager to prove herself that it only takes Sara a few seconds to get her down. But Amalia gets up and goes again and again. She has tears in her eyes by the time Sara throws her in the floor for the fifth time. But Sara still hasn’t said a word and Amalia continues to try. 

When Amalia finally has the upper hand and Sara is down, it’s likely because Sara let her have a win, but neither mentions a thing. Instead Sara smiles to her and they continue to fight for a while, until Sara stops.

“Okay. You can go.”

“I didn’t win… at all,” Amalia says, not understanding how that proves anything.

“Good! That would be very embarrassing for me if you did,” Sara winks, “Not many people can beat me, Amalia, doesn’t mean they can’t hold themselves.”

Sara doesn’t wait for Amalia to reply, she makes her way towards the team. Amalia follows her, noticing how the entire team observes them, probably saw the entire fight. 

“Good fight? Are you feeling better?” Amalia’s mom asks when they approach.

“Amalia is going with us,” Sara says matter-of-factly. 

“Excuse me?” Mom is the first to react.

“We’ve already decided she won’t,” her dad continues. “What’s going on, Sara?”

“I’ve talked to Amalia, and I think she could be a good asset for the mission,” Sara explains like it’s very simple.

“Are you kidding me?” Libbi decides to make her opinion know, “She had just accepted she was not going!”

“We can’t have a new person like that on the team,” Zoe says, “She’s not used to being in the field, it’s too risky.”

“I’m not asking for permission. I’ve requested Team Arrow’s assistance, but this is not your mission. Amalia is under my command.”

Everyone is surprised by Sara’s decisiveness, but no one more than Amalia. Sara may have said she would help her, but convincing everyone of it? That’s a different story. But Sara is right, this is a League business first and foremost, everyone there is under Sara’s command. Everyone but Nyssa, but she doesn’t say anything. From what Amalia understands from their relationship, if Sara is vouching for her, Nyssa is going to support her wife. 

“Sara… A word, please,” Oliver says, and both of them go to a corner, being quickly followed by their wives.

Her parents might trust Sara with the mission and, well, probably with their lives, but Amalia is not so sure they are going to trust her life to Sara. She can see her parents arguing with Sara and doesn’t bother to listen to it, she’s heard it all. The longer the conversation goes, the more nervous Amalia starts to get. Is Sara right to stick by her side? What if she does something wrong? 

Her siblings try to talk to her, but she ignores them. She doesn’t really want to hear them right now, her attention is on her parents. When they seem to finish their talk, her parents stay behind talking to each other.

“Let’s do this!” Sara says to the group. “Libbi and Becky, let Amalia know how the plan is going. Zoe and JJ, with me, we’re going through the plan one last time to include Amalia in it.”

Amalia can’t stop a smile forming on her face. She isn’t sure she’ll be necessary, but she’s going to be there and that counts for something. 

“Don’t screw this up, kid,” Sara tells her before joining the others on planning. 

She feels her parents next to her before she sees them. They both look more worried than before and Amalia feels guilty for being the reason. As the person who was always the one left behind, she can understand how they feel, but not enough to give this up.

“Mali, listen,” her dad starts, “We can’t stop you from joining. You’re an adult and you can take care of yourself, we know that. But please, just promise that you’ll listen to us while on the field, if we tell you to get out, you have to get out. No matter what happens, you understand?” 

“Sure, I know how it goes,” she frowns, “When have I not been known to follow plans?”

Her parents exchange a look, but Amalia doesn’t understand them this time. She is a rule-follower, has been for her entire life, she’s not going to go rogue. 

Amalia’s just going to go there and help save Naila. She doesn’t even need to do anything, she just wants to be present. To show that she cares. 

It’s her chance to prove herself and she’s not going to fuck it up. 

December 2036.

Naila could beat Amalia in a fight while she slept, something that she doesn’t hesitate to say. A few months earlier, Amalia would have brushed it off as a faux-pas due to Naila’s education, now she knows she’s just being teased. 

“I always manage to beat Libbi,” Amalia complains.

“That’s no feat, she’s eleven,” Naila replies, a smile on her face. “You need to take more risks, your moves are too predictable.”

If Amalia knew Naila would take it so seriously, she would’ve never suggested training. Her intention was to do something that would make Naila more comfortable since the girl had been stressed with the holidays coming. They had gone shopping with Claire and Violet the day before, and Naila attempted shopping alone for the first time. While Amalia found Naila’s worries adorable, she could see the weight Naila was putting on it. 

And okay, Amalia has to give herself some credit because Naila is anything but uncomfortable now. She’s even laughing… But Amalia doesn’t like that the laughing matter is herself. 

“No one has ever complained before,” Amalia grumbles, going for another move, trying and failing to surprise her friend. “I’ve followed every rule I know!”

“It’s not about rules,” Naila starts, “How can I explain? You fight like you’re going to compete in the olympic, as if there is a judge and a specific set of rules. We fight to defeat the opponent no matter who they are and how dirty they play.” 

“Well, you guys murder people, so I’m not sure I want to be like that,” Amalia says, bitterness flooding from her mouth, and immediately regrets it, noticing she offended Naila. 

“That’s fair,” Naila answers, biting her lips instead of arguing, “It is the league of assassins, after all. But we’re not like it used to be before. We protect people,” she explains. “It’s not as savage as it sounds. There are other ways to defeat people. Despite the name, we only kill when it’s necessary.”

“Still, I can’t understand how you don’t have a problem with it,” Amalia continues, “You’re telling me you’re ready to kill people?” 

That’s going too far, but Amalia realizes that too late. She has tried to separate what she knows of the League with what Naila talks about her home, but she can’t make sense of it and it bothers her a lot. It’s been almost six months since they started being friends and Amalia can’t reconcile the girl who seats to her next to classes, likes to make sketches of random students and gets nervous buying presents with someone who is going to kill people as a way of living. 

“It doesn’t matter if I’m ready or not,” Naila says after a few seconds in silence, “My family is the League, I’ll join the mission after I’m done with school.” 

Amalia is about to let her opinion be known when Naila drops her in the floor, going back to training as it never stops. Despite thinking there’s more to be said, Amalia gets the message. There would be other opportunities to discuss it, and at least for now Naila is safe. Safer than Amalia apparently, if her fighting skills are anything to go by. 

And when she leaves… Well, Amalia doesn’t really want to think about that. Naila is a good friend, she balances her friends dynamic in school and is someone she’s starting to get used to having in her life. 

Putting those thoughts behind her, Amalia focuses on the girl in front of her. While she may have restarted the battle, Naila’s mind doesn’t seem to be fully on it, because it doesn’t take long for Amalia to pin her on the ground, winning a round for the first time since they started.

“Not so almighty now, are you?” Amalia laughs at Naila’s surprised face.

Their eyes interlock for a second and Amalia feels a bit of electricity running through her body. It occurs to her that she hasn’t moved and is still on top of Naila, holding her in the ground. She thanks god for the exercise so she can pretend her face is red because she’s tired and not for any other reason. Naila is looking at her with such intensity, Amalia wonders if she’s angry at her, but soon her friend is smiling at her again and she knows they’re okay. 

“Maybe you’re better than I gave you credit,” Naila says, “But I should be going now,” she completes, checking her watch.

“Right. What time does their flight arrive?”

“A little after 7pm. We’re picking them up on the airport and then going out for dinner,” Naila explains, “Sara wanted to do something special, because it’s been so long since we’ve seen them in person.”

“Are you doing something fun while they’re here?”

“No, no, Nyssa and Samyia have both been in Starling enough times, they have no desire in getting to know the city better. Mostly we just want to spend some time the four of us. It’s weird being apart for so long,” she sighs, “Samyia wants me to go back to Nanda Parbat with them.”

“What?! Now?”

“After the new year, when they go back,” she explains, “The plan was for me to stay for the entire school year, but Sara says she might go back in a couple months and it makes no sense for me to start a new semester and then leave.”

Amalia is shocked with this new information. She had just been thinking that they had so much time before Naila had to leave and now it could happen in a few weeks? Amalia’s heart feels like it’s going to fall through her chest.

“You can’t go now! You’re barely just getting used to it, and you’re getting so much better at paying attention to classes. Do you not enjoy it?!” It bothers Amalia how high-pitched her voice sound but she doesn’t seem to be able to control it.

“I do. School is interesting. And I like spending time with you… And Violet and Claire. It’s different, having friends your age,” Naila continues, “But I also miss my family. I can’t stay here forever, as much as I’d like to.” 

“You can! You can stay with your aunt, they’re family too!” Amalia insists, “Don’t give up on what you want because of your family. Look, you can go to a real school, you can even go to college after it instead of joining the league, have a real job. Doesn’t it sound so much better?”

“It sounds like  fantasy,” Naila corrects and Amalia almost rolls her eyes at that.

There’s something really wrong with your life if studying and having a job sounds more like fantasy than becoming an assassin. Amalia doesn’t say that though. 

“Please, talk to your family! Your moms thought you should try school here for a reason, right? Give yourself a little more time to figure out what you want.”

“I’ll think about it, I haven’t decided either way yet,” Naila concedes, “I’ll miss this city a lot.”

“Well… The city will miss you too.”

Amalia’s heart is beating fast and she can’t blame on the training anymore. She knows she’s in trouble because the thought of Naila leaving creates a hole in her chest. She bites her cheek so the tears don’t come forwards and tries not to think about what that means. 

It’s going to be okay, she tells herself. If Naila stays for just a little while more, maybe she can convince her to stay. 

[twilightknight17]

Goodbyes! Endings! Fish! Yelling!

This ending wraps up better than the original, but still leaves some things.

There is so much in this game that one loop is absolutely not enough to see and do it all.

Where last we left our intrepid idiot, he was buying flowers for his White Day dinner date.

Surely I will be allowed to leave the mall and sell my stuff and visit the Velvet Room. After all, what if I spent every last yen on items to use against the final boss? I would have no money for flowers!

But no. I am imprisoned in the mall and Morgana somehow pays for the flowers. Hanasaki has no comment on this except to wish me luck on my date. Wow.

Sojiro, who the heck do you know that your name got us a table at a fully booked formal restaurant??

Okay so this isn’t the Skytree restaurant, but SOJIRO??

....yep. That’s me. Even when someone else’s wishes mean destroying my heart. Probably hypocritical to say that while I’m on a date, though.

So it feels like there’s more people you can talk to on the last walkaround. Not just your confidants, but random people in the street, and other named characters. Mika’s at Seaside Park, Takakura, from Haru’s social link, is in Kichijoji, Dietman Matsushita is in the Scramble, the little girl from Takemi’s social link is in Yongen with her dad...

.......you’re so poetic, Yusuke. That’s lovely.

Finally, an ad perfectly tailored to me.

Maruki’s friend is in Kichijoji, and wants to know if we’ve heard from him. We have not. We are not friends. But apparently he’s still alive, which... hm.

I’m tired of his crazy stuff, sir. I just want to see my friends and go on a roadtrip in peace, thank you.

I’d never noticed before that Morgana’s eyes glow if you use third eye.

.......

So if you go to the jazz bar, you can basically have the conversation with the manager from Proof of Justice.

He’s surprised when Akira says he doesn’t know, because he never saw Goro with anyone else. He’s also worried, because he hasn’t seen Goro in a while, and wants Akira to tell him to stop by. Akira is briefly melancholy, thinking to himself, “But Akechi is already...” But then he finds Goro’s glove, still safely in his pocket, and reminds himself that their fight isn’t over yet. The jazz manager says he’s looking forward to seeing you both come in together again.

It is, Morgana! I really want this sofa. This is my sofa. It was made for me; just look at it!

ARSENE. IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, I’M SORRY FOR FORGETTING YOU IN LOCKDOWN. IT WOULD TAKE TEN HOURS TO REVERT TO A PRIOR SAVE AND COME BACK. LAVENZA GAVE ME A KEY AS A GIFT BUT WON’T LET ME IN. IT’S NOT MY FAULT.

....is this why Ryoji’s Arcana is Fortune? XD

So you can talk to a random idol singer from a Mementos mission in Akihabara and

what the fuck is this. what bonus does this give me?

Sumire is not present for the final walkaround, which is...weird. No relationship trinket? That’s disappointing. Especially considering I got a gift from some random idol.

And now it’s time for the ending. The kids are worried about being watched/pursued by the suspicious black car, which honestly, I’ve had enough suspicious black cars in relation to Persona to know that whoever this is, is not good news, police or not. ;)

But instead of sabotaging their car, don’t worry, a taxi is here to take Akira to the train station while his friends distract the men in black!

......did you dye your hair??

Anyway Akira has no sense of self-preservation because here he goes getting in a car alone with this guy.

We are not friends. I am not fistbumping you.

He does drop Akira off safely. Akira’s friends swing by for one last speedy goodbye and then are off again on a merry chase, and Akira goes home alone except for Morgana, which I have...several feelings about. The game goes out of its way to demonstrate that Goro is still alive even if Akira misses seeing him, because the whole world is based on what each person sees and feels, and Akira fucking feels in his heart that Goro is still alive and will come back to him one day.

Time to open up the other save and burn two weeks to see the Palace failure condition!

...I still sort of want to do this over and rescue Arsene. It’s not like I have much else to do these days. I just want my unholy powerhouse Arsene for NG+...

Heck.

Anyway, I’ve also learned that having two weeks to burn with no other responsibilities is great for grinding stuff for the awards. I spent like a week straight at the fishing pond and have become a Fishing God. Did you know that there’s an even bigger fish than the Guardian? Fishing pond guy was like, “In this weather, you might see...him.”

Look at this ridiculous fucking fish. XDDDD

I also went to the batting cages and I still suck at batting, but I made it eventually. The home run award is terrifying.

Okay, still a few days left, lets go play billiards, since I never went and did that during the game. I guess I’ll pick up this billiards book this guy recommends, too. I dunno why I need to be better at billiards, though, it just gives everybody social link poi--

....what the fuck is this??? This only unlocks after you read the book? You can guarantee a knockdown if you have max technical rank?? You need at least four days, 2 books, and a really expensive pool cue for this??? Akechi’s only response to you pulling off some ridiculous curved shot is, “That was pretty good”???? I made it through the whole game thinking billiards was just some way to increase everyone’s social link at once????? Aaaaaaaah??????

Morgana gets very upset the closer you get to the deadline. “We HAVE to go to the Palace tomorrow!” Okay, but have you considered...going to the temple for meditation?

...oops. He’s already mad. X’D Meditation?

Now, now, honey, don’t worry, we can technically still go tomorrow afternoon and just send the calling card when we get back. It’s fine. Today I’m gonna hang out with Shinya. Everything is under control.

....Akira, NO.

Anyway, for all of Goro’s grumpiness, he doesn’t turn down an invitation to the jazz club. Hey, it’s only fair, darling, you took me out for drinks the night before the interrogation room.

It’s only right that I return the favor the night before I betray you in return.

You showed me this place, dingus. XD

...I am. Sorry, Goro.

Akira goes to sleep the evening of 2/2 wondering if he made the right decision. That’s the problem, ‘Kira, you didn’t make a decision at all.

“I wanted you to accept my reality of your own free will.”

DON’T LIKE THAT.

Lavenza trying to reach him and just...fading away is painful.

I will say without hesitation that this is the worst ending. To copy-paste what I said elsewhere:

Akira's sleeping in the attic. Presumably for months, given the cobwebs. Where are his friends? Fallen back into their own dreams? Did they just give in without him, forget about him, never wonder where he went, because they have what they wanted? And Goro didn't even have a dream, so he's presumably left alone in a world that he can't stand but can't do anything about because it's permanent now. Maruki can't even give him Akira, because Akira's asleep, and Goro probably feels betrayed anyway. Akira's going to sleep forever, forgotten by everyone who was supposed to care about him. Even if he regrets choosing the dream world in that ending, at least he's there.

I think what's throwing me off is Maruki's absolute insistence on not changing Akira and Goro's cognition without their consent. Putting Akira to sleep feels like a loophole, but if he really believes that Goro is just a creation of his power, maybe Akira's consent is the only one that actually matters to him.

He's only ever really concerned with asking Akira. He even says on 2/2 that he knows Goro's not going to be fazed by the idea of his life being in danger. But if Akira agrees to stay in the fake reality, Goro's happy along with the rest of them, even though there's no way he agreed with Akira's decision. Maybe Maruki's willing to alter Goro to match Akira's wishes because he thinks he's not the real one. As long as Akira wants the real Goro, he doesn't have to worry about being overwritten. But if Akira's sleeping...

Maruki’s so kind, isn’t he?

The true ending feels so much more like it would lead into Scramble than vanilla. Still being chased by the police? Yeah. Everyone splitting up and therefore being out of touch for months? Yep. Seeing Joker in the window? Meta-space is still there and ready to warp into a Jail at the slightest nudge. I don’t understand Atlus’s writing decisions.

That whole thing with Goro does mean they owe us an actual sequel. The game literally says their fight isn’t over.

Beating the game means everyone is in the Thieves Den now, so we get some lovely interactions like Sojiro contemplating the Mona copter, and Makoto warning Ann not to tell Goro that she thinks Loki looks like a zebra.

Also that idol CD is some kind of ridiculous bubblegum idol pop song on my music player now. For one coin. Oh my god.

So... I guess the last thing I want to mention is Maruki. Because he’s a great character. I want to punch him more than I got to. But, and I’ve talked about this with a friend, I cannot wrap my head around how powerful he is. Takuto Maruki is a human being with a persona, just like the Thieves, and there is no explanation for how he got that strong. Yes, his persona is an elder god that evolves into some kind of creation deity, but it’s still just his persona. It’s not like Nyarlathotep acting as someone’s persona while still being a separate, ridiculously powerful entity. There’s no indication here that Azathoth or Adam are independent from their user. So I’m expected to believe that this man awoke to his persona and was able to use a power on-par with the God of Control...just from himself? No deity or monster backing him up? Really? I know he made a career studying cognitive psience, but this is...a little much. Having Nyar around would have cleared that up just from his general presence. XD

Anyway, I loved it. I loved absolutely all of it even if Okumura’s boss fight was a bitch. I think I’ve unfortunately made the decision to go back for Arsene, so I’m definitely going to play NG+ after I take a break to play something else first.

There’s three bonus bosses and the Reaper left to fight, after all. ;)

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Fifty-Six: Don’t Go There ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Hyūga Hiashi, Uchiha Itachi, Tsunade, Hyūga Hanabi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

Well, this...isn’t at all how she thought this would go.

This morning, Hinata was driven to the hospital by her father for a rather rudimentary procedure. Once a person turns sixteen, they’re of the legal age to have a piece of technology implanted into their wrist. Said to be a strange mix of science, astrology, and other...interesting methods, it’s proclaimed to be able to count down to the moment a person will meet the one they’re the most compatible with.

In other words...a soulmate.

Hinata, personally, has never put much stock in it. While records do show that divorce rates have fallen in the past few decades the devices have been around, it’s not shown to be perfect, either. Though she’s a romantic at heart (and part of her really does want it to be real), the skeptic in her just can’t quite accept that something based on such questionable evidence could ever be accurate.

But her father insisted she have the surgery done. And so, the morning of her sixteenth birthday, she had it implanted.

She’s now on her way home, the tech wrapped and hidden under gauze. And much to her chagrin, she’s being escorted out via wheelchair. Something about the anesthetic making it possible she could fall. Which is silly. She feels fine!

But it’s when she, her father, and the nurse pushing her chair make to step up to the elevator that the unexpected happens.

Barely in a handful of hours...her timer begins to beep.

And beyond the lift doors, so does someone else’s.

Everyone involved has frozen, save for one. A man in a wheelchair much like herself just seems lightly amused, smiling as the teen boy behind him and pushing his ride gawks at his blaring timer.

Beyond him, it’s Hiashi that reacts first. Though she really has no idea what she expected him to do, given how absolutely unexpected this is...getting angry isn’t what she’d have guessed.

Bristling, the man steps out in front of his daughter, the nurse wheeling her back in surprise. “What is the meaning of this?!”

The chair-bound man blinks. “...I believe this is the function of timers, is it not? To count down to a person’s supposed fated meeting of a soulmate?”

“My daughter just had hers implanted -!”

“Then I suppose that makes her a bit of a statistical miracle. From what I understand, that’s a very rare occurrence.”

As though mulling that over, Hiashi then rounds on the nurse. “Explain this!”

“Sir, I...I have no idea. In all my years working here, we’ve never had something like this happen! It’s...certainly possible. But very unlikely. It seems the young lady and young man are -”

“Don’t...go there,” he cuts in, tone icy. “My daughter is sixteen. That’s far too young to be entertaining the idea of a soulmate.”

Behind him, the seated man perks a brow. “...and yet you knew it was a possibility, given that she’s had it implanted at said age. Sasuke too is only sixteen. Has been only for a few months. But there’s no written rule saying they must now immediately wed. It’s just a knowing.”

“That is...not my point!” Hiashi stutters, clearly unsure how to make his argument, given his conflicting ideals.

“Dad, I -”

“Don’t interrupt me.”

“Sir, I think maybe we should all go sit, and -”

“No! I am taking my daughter home. And you -” he then spits, pointing at the one previously called Sasuke, “are to stay far away from her!”

“Dad!” Hinata cuts in, unable to take his attitude any longer, timid or not. “Don’t t-talk to him that way, you don’t even know him!”

“Don’t you talk back to me, young lady -!”

“What on earth is going on?!”

Storming down the hall, a blond woman of short and stout stature glares amber daggers at Hiashi. “I won’t have this nonsense in my hospital!”

The nurse tries to explain. “Doctor Senju, I’m so sorry - we had a bit of an incident, and -?”

“My daughter hasn’t had her timer for three hours, and she’s already been declared a match!” Hiashi cuts in, clearly trying to intimidate said doctor with his taller height.

Hinata just does her best to shrink in her chair, utterly ashamed at his behavior.

Hands on her hips, Senju doesn’t bat an eye at his posturing. “That’s not my problem, my nurse’s problem, or my hospital’s problem. If you want to make a ruckus, take it outside! I’ll throw you out myself before I let your conduct ruin the calm in this place of healing, am I understood?!”

Looking ready to explode, Hiashi demands, “Then let us go. Your nurse can entrust the chair to me. We are leaving.”

“But Dad -!”

“No buts!”

Meanwhile, the pair in the elevator have nowhere to go. Sasuke just stares, dumbfounded. His brother now looks wholly unamused.

“Excuse us,” Hiashi growls, pushing Hinata in as Sasuke scrambles to get out.

Heart racing and feeling desperate, Hinata calls, “I’m Hinata Hyūga! What’s your name?”

“Hinata, don’t -!”

“...Sasuke Uchiha!” he manages to reply, a bit too shocked for a moment.

The doors then close, and Hiashi rails on his daughter. “What are you doing?!”

“I w-wanted to know his name!” she retorts. “I should at l-least get that much, since you’re being so, so...obstinate!”

“Obstinate?!”

“The nurse was right! It’s always a possibility, and s-some people meet their soulmate even younger, before they can get the timer! Getting mad at me because y-you don’t like it, despite forcing me into it, is ridiculous!”

Hiashi goes deathly quiet. Neither of his daughters have ever dared spoken back to him like this...let alone in a way that proves he’s in the wrong.

His pride won’t stand for it.

“...I forbid you from seeing that boy,” he then demands. “Not until you’re eighteen.”

“Fine! The o-only reason I know is because you m-made me do this!”

“One more word with that tone out of your mouth, and the consequences will be dire, Hinata. Not another sound.”

Though hardly the sort to get mad, Hinata seethes, completely at a loss of how unfair this all is. Sasuke getting yelled at when he had no idea what was going on...her father being a raging hypocrite...and she never even wanted this in the first place! Now she’s in trouble because Hiashi refused to consider the very real possibilities?!

...still, she reins in her temper. As upset as she is, she doesn’t want to risk having anything taken away...especially her phone or her computer.

She knows his name. Knows what he looks like. Her father is just dated enough he doesn’t yet realize that she has ways to work around his ‘no meeting Sasuke’ rule. She doesn’t have to see him face to face to text him, or facetime him.

So long as she plays it cool...she can still make this work.

The car ride home is spent in bitter silence, Hinata staring out the window and doing her best to still act sore to hide her intentions. If he puzzles out that she has a plan, he’ll stop her.

“Go to your room, and remain there until dinner is ready. I want you to think about how you disrespected me, and ensure you never do so again. Am I understood?”

“...yes, Dad.”

Hanabi is lounging on a couch when they come in, watching awkwardly as she immediately notices the tension. As Hiashi starts banging things around in the kitchen, she sneaks around to the upstairs where her and her sister’s rooms are located.

“...‘nata…?”

“Come in, Hanabi.”

Peering through a crack, the younger sister then bounds in, confusion written all over her face. “What the hell happened?”

“Language, Hanabi…”

“I haven’t seen Dad that mad in...in...forever!”

Sighing, Hinata explains as briefly as she can, shushing her sister as she gasps.

“That fast?!”

“Yeah. And Dad was furious.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m too young.”

Brow furrowed and eyes flickering between Hinata’s, Hanabi considers that for a long moment. “...but you’re of age to get it.”

“That’s what I said, and he got mad. I guess he never expected it, but...it can happen. And now he’s mad at m-me for his own miscalculation. I didn’t even w-want the stupid thing…”

“Wow...man, Hinata I’m sorry.”

“...it’s fine. He’ll get over it.”

“Do you know who he is?”

“Mhm.”

“...sooo…?”

Hinata glances to her door, wary of being overheard and her plan ousted. “...don’t mention anything to him, okay?”

“I won’t, I won’t!”

“Thank you.”

Hanabi then sighs, glancing aside and clearly thinking. “...I’m sorry, Hinata.”

“Don’t be. It’s n-not your fault.”

“I know, but...jeez!”

“It’ll be fine. I’ll just keep pretending, and...he doesn’t have to be the wiser. Just remember, don’t say anything.”

“Dude, I’m the best at keeping secrets, don’t worry!”

“All right...well, you better leave before he gets any angrier.”

“Are you gonna try to message him today?”

“After dinner.”

“Man, I hope he’s cool…”

Hinata can’t help a short snort. “Yeah...m-me too.”

Half an hour later, Hiashi calls them both down for a rather tense and awkward dinner, no one really talking. Even Hanabi chews quietly, eyes flickering between her father and sister.

“...do you have any homework to do tonight?” Hiashi eventually asks.

“No...I got it all done early.”

“Good. Back to school for you tomorrow.”

“...yes, Dad.”

Once dishes are done and everyone retreated to their corners, Hinata begins her digging. Social media is her first stop. He doesn’t have a Facebook, or at least not one she can find. But she finds him on Twitter.

“...all right, Sasuke...time to say a proper hello,” she murmurs, clicking to follow him.

To her surprise, it takes all of five minutes for him to do so back. And less than a minute after that to DM her.

“Hey...are you really the girl from the hospital this morning?”

“Yeah...that’s me. Look, um...I’m so sorry about my dad. He was so rude to you…”

“I mean...yeah. But hey, it was a really weird situation. You okay?”

“I’m fine. Got yelled at but otherwise fine.”

“Does he know you’re talking to me…?”

“Oh gosh, no. He’d ground me into the next century. I just...wanted to say a proper hello. This is...weird, isn’t it?”

“...kinda, yeah. To be honest, I haven’t really been thinking about my timer. I knew I only had a few months when I got it, but...I lost track of time helping take care of my brother.”

“Oh, that was your brother?”

“Yeah...he has an autoimmune condition.”

“...I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right. He’s doing pretty well with medication and stuff. We were on our way for an infusion when we uh...ran into you guys.”

“And then my dad ruined it...I’m so sorry. I hope you weren’t late?”

“A little. Man, that doctor was PISSED.”

“I bet…”

“She got it all ironed out though, and my bro got his meds. We’re home now and just kinda chilling. It’s always a rough few days after an infusion.”

“Oh...well, tell him I hope he feels better soon. What’s his name?”

“I will. And it’s Itachi.”

For another hour, Hinata just...talks to him. It’s funny. They’re strangers, and she’s usually so shy, but...for some reason, she feels totally comfortable. Part of her blames the timers, but...well, maybe there is something to it.

“Well, I better head off and get my homework done. But hey, I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay! Good luck with your work.”

“Thanks. Maybe after a while we could like...meet up or something? Since uh...our first run-in wasn’t very...great.”

At that, she bites her lip. “...maybe. Not that I’m against it! I mean I’d like to talk a lot more first, but...my dad said I couldn’t see you.”

“Oh...well, shit.”

“...let’s just...give it a while. Let him cool off, and get to know each other more. Then maybe I can have my friends help sneak me out. You know, just so happen to run into you while we’re like...at the mall or something.”

“Ooh, sneaky...I like it. Sounds good. But yeah, I don’t mean to come off as an eager freak. My bad.”

“Oh, no no! I know what you mean, I’m really curious too. And I feel bad about today...but best to just like...take things slow and easy, right?”

“Yeah, cool. Guess I’ll chat with you tomorrow, then.”

“Mhm! Goodnight, Sasuke.”

“Night.”

Glancing to her clock, Hinata finds it rather late...and after almost no sleep last night, she decides to call it a day. Readying for bed and bidding the others goodnight, she slips into bed, mind once again full...but in a good way this time. She doesn’t want to rely too much on the notion of a soulmate. After all, she still has no idea who this Sasuke is, what he’s like...best to be careful. Just in case.

...but for now, she’ll let herself dream about when they’ll meet. Properly this time.

                                                            .oOo.

     Okay, more of the soulmate AU! This one kinda blew up compared to normal, so I wanted to get another part out as soon as I could! I might also be able to do ANOTHER part tomorrow, looking at my prompt list...I guess if you guys want that, let me know? xD      I am very quickly liking this AU, lol - as I said, never done a soulmate AU before. It's neat! While I don't like this one QUITE as much as yesterday's (mostly, I will admit, because of Itachi's line at the end xD), it makes for a good segue, and has Hiashi's jerk reaction. Some verses I like to redeem his behavior. This is not one of those times, haha!      Anyway, I gotta head to bed now, so that's all for now. Thanks so much for reading!

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 5

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

“How is he? Has he yet stabilized?” He recognizes the deep voice almost instantly. Lexeaus. Ah. So I lived.

He can’t open his eyes, can’t, in fact, move at all. But the moment he’s conscious pain invades, his innards feeling vaguely liquified.

A second voice, hoarse, almost inaudible--”No. Not yet.”

“You needn’t speak, Ienzo. I know it’s still painful.”

Ienzo?

“I’m fine,” the second voice mumbles. He doesn’t sound fine; he sounds very ill, or worse. “You should--” A cough, one not full of phlegm but inflammation.

“You’ve been taking good care of me. I’m back on my feet. You, on the other hand, need to rest. And to avoid talking for a little while.”

“Okay.”

A warm hand grasps his wrist, taking his pulse. A pen scribbles numbers. He must've been given painkillers; he sleeps.

This time he's able to open his eyes.

He recognizes the space instantly; it's his old med bay, in Radiant Garden. Why on earth is he here, not in his sterile, pristine facilities at the castle?

Lexeaus had called Zexion Ienzo.

Oh dear.

Was it possible? Had they--regained hearts somehow? Had they found the answers in Kingdom Hearts? And how was he still so injured if it's been that long?

He hears the door creak and slits open his eyes.

He sees the boy--the young man--rummaging in his cabinets. He looks much the same as he ever did, though, he notes, the boy (Ienzo?) Is dressed in white, apprentice garb. The boy turns and Vexen quickly shuts his eyes again.

The boy clears his throat. "I'm not sure if you can hear me," he says, haltingly. His voice is much clearer, and certainly the same timbre as Zexion's, but it carries something soft and alive in it Vexen's never heard. "Even… it's me, Ienzo. I'm sure the old names are a shock to hear."

Old?

"We're human again. We found out… once a person’s Heartless and Nobody have been vanquished, they reform in the place they were split, whole. But with our Nobody's injuries. Which is why you're so hurt. I… I've no idea what truly happened to you, but you're rather unstable. You and Dilan both. But I'm tending to you."

Human?

"If you could speak… open your eyes… twitch your fingers… the EEG machines are broken and I've no magic. I'm not even sure you're in there."

Human and powerless.

"I--" He exhales thickly, and Even (the name fits again like a glove) realizes he's upset. Twelve years of emotion battering him, he presumes, child to adult in one instant. The concern wells up in him, consumes him; the pain sears him, and he's no idea whether or not it's physical.

---

Again, Even wakes. He can feel motion returning to him bit by bit, and he can close his fingers into weak fists. The physical pain is less potent now, but instead one thing floods him, sickly and constant.

Guilt. Rivers of shame, streams of remorse. Guilt for the way he stopped caring about Ienzo, guilt for all he did to the people of their experiments, agony about Ansem. Darkness can only excuse so much.

"Hi, Even."

Ienzo's back. Even can't bear to speak to him, though he's sure he can. He feigns unconsciousness, slitting his eyes open for glances of the young man.

Ienzo looks pale, thin, the boyishness gone from his face, but the change makes him look unhealthy. His hands, when they feel Even's pulse, are clammy, oddly warm without gloves. Even can't remember the last time he's actually seen them. He's aching to look the boy in the eyes. He chances it, once, while Ienzo fusses with the bandages on his chest; gone are Zexion's steely, empty blue eyes. The humanity is back, soft, opening.

He can tell from a glance that Ienzo is in agony.

More horrifying yet, he can just see below Ienzo's collar when he leans over--thick bruises surround his windpipe, along with an angry red scar.

He'd had difficulty speaking.

Who dared do this to him?

Unconsciously, the boy pulls his collar up. Even forces his eyes shut. "I'm afraid there's a lot to catch you up on," Ienzo says in that same frighteningly gentle tone. He explains about Xehanort, about the time travel, about the vessels, the hearts the Nobodies are regrowing, the Organization's real goal, the Keyblade War from the old times. "I… I could really use your help, Even. I know I was so dreadfully cold to you. I… I am sorry. You were always kind to me when I was small. You were there when Master Ansem was not--" His voice catches. "Excuse me, I am feeling unwell."

Even hears him sit and chances another look. Ienzo sits with his head in his hands, rocking slowly, trying not to cry.

No, boy, cry. It's alright.

"I… forgot how much this hurts," he says, with a dark laugh. "I am… so unsure of who I am… you'd doubtless find it fascinating. Can you imagine the psychological journals, Even? What happens when you try to give a twenty-year-old man an eight-year-old's heart?" A sob. "I'm so sorry. I… am trying to pull myself together. They need me. But I could never let them see me like this."

Cry it out, little one.

For a time, Ienzo does just that, a sound that makes Even's heart (heart) ache, triggering another vein of remorse.

I should have protected you.

"I'm sorry," he repeats. Even shuts his eyes again. He feels Ienzo take his hand. "This is most unbecoming, isn't it? I bet you'd say I'm making a disgrace of myself. I have to… check on some things. Get some rest."

For a long while Even lies reeling. His physical pain lessens  into a throb, while his heart seems to grow heavier and heavier with regret, the I should'ves and that's my faults. Ienzo and Ansem take center stage, his abuse and dishonesty towards them pounding in time with his heart.

Ienzo comes and goes every few hours. Even is too much of a coward to talk to him.

"It's… bizarre," the boy says. "Your body… is healed. Why aren't you awake?" Even hears a click, sees bright light; he wills himself to flinch as little as possible as the boy forces his eyes open. "Even, if you're pretending, it's alright. We can work through this."

Don't move. Don't move.

"If only we had a replica for you… or one in general…"

Why do they need one?

"I miss my old friend. Come back soon."

He's gone again, and Even aches for him. The loneliness is nearly as potent as the guilt.

He can't lie like this forever. He needs to make a decision, needs to talk to the boy, needs to begin to figure out where to go from here--

"You're so full of shit."

It's the voice that startles him. Braig. Of course the man is back too. He opens his eyes. Unlike Ienzo, he's in the Organization coat still.

The true vessels.

The fool.

Even stares at him. "Is there a reason you're here?" His voice is hoarse from disuse, but clearer than he thought. "Perhaps to put an old man out of his misery?"

Braig smirks. "You wish," he says. "I've been watching these tender scenes play out between the two of you. Who thought Ienzo would be such a softie? To think, he was wanted."

"By Xehanort, I presume?" He spits.

"Who else?" Xigbar shrugs. “He's good. So quickly. A heart and instantly everything changes. But there's no point getting rid of him. Xemnas is sentimental. Who would’ve thought?"

So callous. Even scowls.

"How's humanity feel?" he asks, with a smirk. "You look like death. Bet you feel like it too."

"Is there a reason you're here?" he repeats.

"Let's just say I have a proposition for you." He scowls a little. "We could use you. He could use you."

A spark, an idea. "Why should I? What do you have to offer me?"

"We're closer than ever to Kingdom Hearts. If that doesn't intrigue you, I don't know what will." Xigbar comes closer, his footsteps almost silent. "Would you rather stay here? Crappy place, overworked and underappreciated… reminders of the past everywhere. Doesn't it just hurt. "

He has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes.

"If you can barely look at Ienzo…" He clucks his tongue. "Why don't you think about it? I got the impression you never liked humanity anyway."

"Nor you," Even says softly. "This life just doesn't suit creatures like us."

Xigbar smirks and disappears into a dark corridor.

---

An idea comes to him slowly, fettered by guilt and headaches, and Ienzo's surprisingly loose tongue. Zexion was verbose but careful; Ienzo talks almost constantly, with little ability to stop himself.

"I'm… almost at my wit's end," the boy admits. "I'm inundated by what we did… I knew it, factually, but Zexion made my memories so cold. To feel it…" He rumples the curtain at the window. Even's glad he doesn't look at him; it means he can watch him. "How could we? I… I don't understand how we made the leap. Was it all the influence of Xehanort, or darkness? Why did they let me--do this?"

The weight of it might just choke him. They'd started this darkness, made it spread faster than it would've naturally; they upended a balance just to see what would happen, with little care who or what was lost.

I took an oath.

Even's a bloody hypocrite.

"I've been trying to help them," Ienzo says. "Sora, the restoration committee. They've been so terribly gracious about it. It truly is the least I can do. I've given them everything that I had, but you classified and encrypted so much. They have a right to know what really happened. Maybe if they know… their outside perspective can help us put a stop to it. I… wish you were here, Even. There's so much you never told me, things that could be of use. We… need a light. I don't understand a whit of your research, the small bits I've managed to decrypt. I wonder if this reformation process has given me some form of brain damage." A wry laugh. "These emotions do make me feel… much clumsier. Doesn't help I've been using you as a captive audience. But the others… truly cannot understand what it is I'm going through. I wish I were able to find it fascinating. Mostly it is hampering my ability to be of use."

He's silent a long time. When he speaks again, it's much more quietly, to himself. But Even's always had good hearing.

"If I can break the code… find Roxas… it could change everything. But the bodies… I need to know what Even knew."

He hears Ienzo leave. Slowly, Even sits up. He feels weak from being so still for so long, but otherwise functional.

It all makes sense. Everything.

Yes. This would be how he can atone.

---

Xigbar returns soon after. Even's already sitting waiting for him. "I'll go," he says tiredly. "Seems to be the only way to further my research. I've no need for such... paltry emotions."

Xigbar's grin is killer.

---

The transformative process is just as painful the second time. Again the emptiness. He feels his mind wander, tempted again by darkness, by the ability to set bonds aside, but he reigns himself in each time. Thinking of Ienzo, his devastation, of his betrayal of Ansem's trust. He doesn't feel quite hurt anymore, but it weighs heavily on his conscience. No matter.

He can fix this. He will fix this. No matter the cost.

He acquiesces to the New Organization’s demands, because they, too, need replicas. All the more excuse to perfect what he knows, to leave the most flawless in stock for Roxas and for Xion--though he can barely remember the latter. All he has of it-- her --are his own reports. But if she were with Roxas long enough, she’ll be important. More convenient yet, Xemnas wants her, her easy mimicry of power.

There are too many familiar faces in this New Organization--Organization Rehash, Larxene calls it, and Vexen can’t help but agree. Xigbar, Saïx, Xemnas, the four neophytes.

Saïx is initially welcoming to him, and visits him again.

“To what do I owe the pleasure,” Vexen says evenly.

“I wonder if you feel it too,” the man says.

“Feel what, nostalgia? That’s all this Organization is.”

“You gave up your new life. That says a lot about you. Was this truly about research?”

Vexen turns, sorting the lies he could tell.

Saïx knots his hands. “I gave mine up too.”

Vexen rolls his eyes, turning back to the new replicas, still forming in their chambers. “Yes. And?”

“I wish to… put an end to this nonsense. I sense you may feel the same.”

Vexen looks at him, his gold eyes (so like Vexen’s own, now--he tries not to think about it more than necessary) somewhat unreadable. Is this a trick? Are they trying to lure him out?

Saïx leans in a little, drops his voice. “Let me help you,” he says softly. “Together, we can put an end to this Organization.”

Vexen feels the gut punch; caught. Yet, he reads earnestness in Saïx’s tone.

“You were once my teacher,” he continues. “I know what you’re capable of, and vice versa. I think--if we’re careful and clever--we can give the other side what they need.”

“How am I to know you won’t merely turn me in to Xehanort?”

“It matters not to him whether you fill out the ranks so long as he gets his bodies. Not since you and Demyx have been… ah… retired. He’s spread himself too thin, shattering his heart so. He wouldn’t notice a thing.”

Vexen inhales.

“I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want this to be my legacy. I’m sure you feel the same. We must end this suffering.”

“And how do you propose we do that?”

Saïx smiles. “Simple,” he says. “We do what he asks--and have a third party ferry a replica over to Radiant Garden. One whose movements are hardly ever noticed--because that’s the way he likes it.”

Vexen has an idea where this is going. “...Do I even want to know who you have in mind?”

The smile becomes even larger.

---

Demyx agrees to meet him in Radiant Garden. To be so close to Ienzo but unable to contact him is a sensation that sits oddly in his breast. Vexen explains it as simply as possible, but Demyx’s reaction is relatively theatrical.

“What? ” He’s making much too much noise--Vexen clamps a hand over his mouth.

“Quiet, you dunce,” he hisses.

Demyx swats his hand away. “But dude, why would you pick me?”

“I cannot let the chosen catch wind of this, understand?”

Immediately he gets defensive. “Oh, I see, it’s because I got benched.”

This is more frustrating than he could have hoped. His tone is much shorter, and louder, than he intended. “I got “benched” too.”

“What! Hey, quiet.” Now it’s Demyx’s turn to try to silence him.

They both look around and see nothing, though admittedly this is meaningless. Vexen turns away, trying to think.

“Okay, man, look. Real talk? Backstabbing those guys would be stupid.”

Vexen rolls his eyes. As if this life is truly worth anything.

“If they find out, we’re yesterday’s toast. I mean, what’s in it for me?”

Vexen wonders if this angle is the right one. “Forgiveness.”

He seems genuinely surprised. “Huh? For what?”

“Men like us--in the pursuit of science, we sometimes make terrible mistakes. Lose sight of our mission to help people. But now I can help someone with my research. Now, I can atone.”

The boy’s been listening with interest, a calculating gleam in his eyes. But what he says next is only further disappointment. “I’m not a scientist.” He turns to leave, with a dismissive wave.

Something very like panic overtakes him--if the chosen heard of this--”Wait, wait, wait!” He grabs Demyx’s shoulder. The younger man shrugs him off with ease.

“C’mon, dude. I’m useless, I’m chicken, we’re not friends. I can count the amount of times we’ve hung out on one hand--less than one hand. I didn’t even know you in the old life!”

Enough of this. For a moment, Vexen wishes he had more patience with Demyx in the past, if only to make this encounter easier. “Fine, fine. But listen.” He pulls the boy close. “This is Saïx’s doing.”

Demyx’s eyes widen almost comically. “Huh? No way.”

Good. He has his interest. “It’s true. The whole thing was his idea.”

“Huh… no fucking way…”

“He wants to atone too. But, he is one of the chosen, so his hands are tied. Hence my actions on his behalf, hence my need for you to act on my behalf should all go awry.” He’s listening intently, Vexen notes. He could use Xehanort’s callousness towards Demyx to his advantage. “As you said, we are far from friends. No one would ever suspect you.”

“So I’m not doing any fighting?”

“Correct. And more importantly, no benchwarming.”

He smiles, and Vexen knows he’s won. “Yeah baby! Sign me up! Yes! Demyx time.”

Vexen sighs heavily. This certainly would be interesting.

---

He’s more than a little alarmed when he catches wind that the “chosen” are seeking Ansem. Apparently, the man’s been spotted in Twilight Town. Xehanort’s Heartless intends on intercepting him. The man is too dangerous.

Vexen doesn’t hesitate. He’s abandoned Ansem once; never again.

He’s been mostly ambivalent to his status as a Nobody, but it does grant him a certain strength he didn’t have before. He’s able to stop Xehanort’s Heartless, to let Ansem escape. It comes to him, in a flash--the chosen hardly ever watch him, now that they’ve gotten their bodies--perhaps he could let Ansem know, to get the word back to Ienzo and the others. Perhaps he and Demyx could rendezvous, with the replica. Ienzo would need his help. Doubtless the reunion would be… dramatic, but he knows the boy is capable of completing the task at hand.

It’s time to shore up. Time to stop being a coward. Time to apologize.

But he is glad that, as a Nobody, he cannot feel much.

Ansem looks as though he’s aged much, much more than twelve years, despite the fact that he could not age in the realm of darkness; it seems as though there are many more years between them than merely five. He’s with some teenagers, those friends of Roxas, those assisting, albeit in a very tertiary manner.

Even struggles to find the words, to assuage them all he means no ill will. “My dear Master,” he says slowly. “You are safe.” It’s a lame, tone-deaf beginning. Because they are anything but.

“Who’s there?” one of the teenagers yells.

In a shockingly even-keeled voice, Ansem asks, “Even, is that you?” A beat. His expression barely changes, all coldness and indifference--not that Vexen anticipated anything more. “So, those Nobodies were your doing.”

Vexen lets the Dusks appear. Then, very deliberately, he bows. “I have been waiting for this,” he admits. “Gave up a normal life in order to plant myself in the Organization. And when I heard Xehanort had gone looking for you, I realized it was my chance to find you as well.” And keep you safe. “For you see, I, too, wish to atone.”

Ansem’s expression is closely guarded, but he very nearly smiles. “Is that so?” he asks slowly.

“How could I not? To be human for those days again… made it all so real.”

The teenager who’d yelled gave him a once over. “You’re one of them, aren’t you,” he spits. “Sora told us about you.”

Vexen ignores him. “I wish to help. I… realize you have no reason to trust me.” He chances taking a few steps forward. “I also realize any apology I offer could never possibly be enough.”

Ansem is silent for several moments. “Am I not at fault, as well?” he asks.

“You…” He wants nothing more for these teenagers to disappear. “You still didn’t deserve the fate you received.”

His eyes are empty--so empty. He turns to the children. “Thank you for all your help, but this man will not harm me. Come, Even. Apparently we have much to discuss.”

Vexen wills the Dusks to disappear. They walk for a long time in silence, the two of them, in this perpetual sort of twilight.

“We cannot return to the mansion. It’s being watched for now,” Ansem says. “Keep your voice low.”

“We seek to take down the new Organization,” he says. It’s beyond odd to be this close to him.

“We?”

“Myself. The man you knew as Isa.”

Ansem smirks. “And how do you propose to do this?”

“In these intervening years… I did perfect the replica program. More or less.” He doesn’t feel pride any longer. “We have a… third party willing to deliver one directly to Radiant Garden, for Roxas’s heart. To Ienzo.”

Ansem’s calm exterior slips, for just a moment. “How… is my boy?”

“I did not see him for very long,” Vexen says. “He is… well. Whole again.”

“You hesitate.”

“Of course I do.” He takes a breath. “He’s received his humanity after years of numbness. The adjustment… I fear it’s not been easy. But I have faith. His brilliance has only grown with him.” He sighs. “With this replica, and our ally, I wish that you, Master, will go to him.” Ansem says nothing; his face is stony. “I realize the feelings you have are complicated. But he needs someone to help him, and I must keep my cover.”

“...Yes. Quite.” He nods. “However could I face that poor boy?”

“With the warmth and grace you’ve always had,” Vexen says softly. “Once this is all over… humbly, I would like to return as well.” If he survives the process. “That is, if you’ll have me. I wish to do nothing more than to ease the pain I’ve caused. I should like to regain your trust.”

Ansem nods once. “This is a good start.”

---

It pains him, to not be present for all this, but his own feelings and notions are irrelevant. He dresses the replica in a coat to protect it, wraps it up further in a blue blanket--almost like an infant.

Demyx arrives--on time, for the first instance that Vexen’s ever witnessed. “So, here we go, right?” He’s smiling.

“...Quite.” He touches Demyx’s shoulder. “I must… thank you for doing this.”

He shrugs. “I’ve been thinking about it. It’s not right for Xehanort to use us for his own stuff, you know? It kinda bites.”

Vexen chuckles. “Indeed. I’m afraid I must ask one more thing of you.”

He rolls his eyes, but his tone is affable when he says. “For pete’s sake, what now?”

“You and I must lie low, once this is through. We must wait and hope for Xehanort’s defeat.”

Demyx glances down at the replica, in its swaddling. “...And then what?”

“Whatever you like, I suppose.”

He bites his lip. “Yeah… that might be nice.” He hefts the replica over one shoulder. “This thing is hollow, huh?”

“Not for long. You know where to go?”

“Yeah, get the old man. I hear you.”

Vexen sighs. “Good luck, Demyx.”

For just a moment, before he disappears into darkness, Demyx smiles, and it’s the most genuine expression Vexen’s ever seen him wear. “You, too.”

---

He can’t be certain that Ienzo receives the replica, can’t chance checking. He goes to an anonymous world, hides in the wilderness. He waits, and to a degree he prays. Weeks pass. He wonders if he should chance contact, should see how things have gone--between Ienzo and Ansem, and along with Dilan and Aeleus, there shouldn’t be any issues with the procedure.

Then he feels an ache in his heart--the heart he doesn’t quite have. The piece of Xehanort. Without hesitating, he returns to Radiant Garden, knowing that he will not have the ability to travel for long.

Because it’s withering, and dying; he can feel the sickly pain, the feverishness, inexplicable agony in his whole body. It must’ve worked. They must’ve beat Xehanort.

It’s all over. At last.