#(i think if asked morty would say 'i just help rick when he asks me to' which is. sad)

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

rick and morty holds a point of view that humanity is entirely motivated by money and if people stopped being paid then they wouldn't do any work but like. jerry keeps bees? he literally keeps bees

[grayskies2525]

Inevitable (male sneezing, contagion) | Part 2/4

And here we continue with Evan facing the consequences of his little elevator ride.

CW: lots of mess

Word Count: 2,900

Part One

***

Part Two

Evan tries soothing the slight soreness he feels in his throat by rubbing his neck. The over baked pizza crust did not go down easily with that last swallow. He’d tried dissuading his roommate, Marcus, from ordering Domino’s for their dinner, but Marcus had been insistent. So, they’d split the little money they had between them to order a simple cheese pizza that, ultimately, turned out to be a major letdown — for Marcus, anyway. Evan figures he can't exactly be “let down” when their expectations were already on the floor. 

Evan takes a desperate drink of his Pepsi in further efforts to ease the discomfort from his throat. The first drink does nothing to alleviate the soreness, so Evan takes another. Then another. He slowly brings up his fingers, again, to lightly trail them across his neck. 

“This pizza tastes like shit,” Marcus comments from his place next to Evan on their living room couch. 

Evan clears his throat. “Yeah, it’s almost like someone advised you to order from somewhere else.” 

“I still stand by the fact that they don’t always burn it. I mean, when it’s good, it’s good, you know?” 

Evan just rolls his eyes then reluctantly takes another bite of his pizza as he tries to focus on Rick and Morty and not on the increasing soreness of his throat. 

At twenty-eight, Evan is certainly not living the kind of life he’d imagined for himself when he’d been younger. He’d hoped to be a prospering author — or even a not prospering one for that matter. He’d imagined marriage — to a nice man or woman — and possibly kids, maybe a house. Yet here he is, eating cheap, crunchy pizza in his run-down apartment that he has to share with a roommate out of necessity. 

After a few minutes repeating the cycle of throat clearing, throat rubbing, and drinking an excessive amount of Pepsi, memories of the elevator incident from two days earlier resurface.

Evan can’t help but hang his head as he realizes what’s happening.

“Do we have any DayQuil?” Evan asks Marcus after clearing his throat, yet again.

“I don’t think so,” Marcus says through his mouthful of pizza. “We may have Tylenol or something. Why? Getting sick?”

“Hopefully not,” Evan says, sighing. Again memories from the man in the elevator flash through his mind. “But, probably, yeah.”

* * *

The next morning, Evan sits at the kitchen table and dabs at his nose with a tissue as he tries to remember what the day even is. His brain is impossibly foggy.

“You know, if you ate something with actual nutrients instead of an overly processed blueberry muffin, you probably wouldn’t be coming down with a cold right now,” Marcus says from his spot at the counter as he drops various fruits into a blender.

Evan sniffles and wipes at his nose again. “I get you’re a personal trainer so you think you know everything about health. And that not getting sick is as easy as taking in some vitamins. But I think even you, Marcus, would be coming down with this thing after getting blasted with sneeze after sneeze from a sick person in an elevator.”

Marcus shudders. “Ew, okay, please don’t bring up that story again. It was unfortunate I had to hear it the first time. Anyway, I’m just saying, you’re not setting yourself up for success with your current lifestyle.”

Evan rolls his eyes. “You ate pizza last night right along with me, Marcus.”

“It’s all about moderation,” Marcus says, shooting Evan a smile, before turning on the blender for his smoothie. 

Evan wipes at his nose. This bug is settling in quickly. Since the moment he woke up that morning, it seems he’s not been able to go a single minute without having a tissue held up to his face. With his head feeling like it’d been stuffed with cotton and his throat screaming in pain, he’d groaned the moment upon waking and had turned over to his side, shoving his face into his pillow as though he could hide from having to face the day. This plan, though already doomed to fail from the beginning, made itself clear as being even more futile when Evan felt liquid pouring from his nose onto the pillow. It had been so much fluid that Evan was convinced it was a nosebleed. But when he’d raised his head to check, he could see that the large, damp spot on his pillow was entirely clear. So he’d sat up and grabbed a tissue from his bedside table and gave a long, gurgling blow. In the hour he’s been awake, he’d estimate he’s blown his nose in a similar way no less than five times.

He hopes this problem eases at least somewhat because he has an eight hour shift ahead of him and, in his experience, there’s not much worse than having to work retail with an incessantly dripping nose. 

* * *

“Yes, ma’am, I understand, but there’s really not much more we can do. I mean, if you had actually bought the curtains from this store, then I’d be happy to return them, but seeing how this isn't one of our products… Well, it’s simply not possible to issue a return,” Evan says, hoping his hoarse, strained voice conveys the mandatory amount of sympathy he’s expected to have for these situations as one of the store’s managers.

The woman says something, but Evan is preoccupied by a sudden radiating tickle deep within his sinuses, so whatever inane chatter she’s likely spouting is lost on him.

“ADT’schhh!”

The first sneeze of his cold. 

He feels wetness coat the back of the hand he barely managed to bring up in time. “In time” may be too generous of a way to phrase it, considering the not insignificant amount of droplets now visible across the POS system’s screen. He frowns at the screen, but quickly recovers, looking up and offering the woman a strained smile. 

“Excuse me, um —”

But the woman huffs out a frustrated breath before turning around and marching out the store. 

Good riddance, Evan thinks as he pulls out a crumpled tissue from his pocket to tend to the ever-present drip. He’s been at work for less than an hour, but his nose has already demanded he use what has to be —  at least — a dozen tissues. He makes sure to thoroughly soak each one, coating every inch of the small white square, before getting a new one. 

With the line of customers slowing down, he leaves the other associates to their work. He begins walking to the break room to get another tissue when he suddenly finds himself jerking his head forward. 

“HH ADT’shuuUHH!”

He frowns. He hadn’t had any chance to even begin the process of trying to cover the sneeze. He feels shame course through him as he realizes he's just launched thousands of droplets from his mouth and nose straight into the air — droplets full of what has to be millions of incredibly contagious germs. He’s usually better at covering sneezes, but this time there had been no warning. He also hadn’t been expecting another sneeze so soon. Even when sick, he doesn’t sneeze all that frequently in a day. If he’d have to estimate, he’d say he sneezed probably 10 or 15 times a day when sick. So, two sneezes within a minute of each other is highly unusual for him.

He shakes his head as if to get rid of the pesky thought and determines to finish his shift without any more incidents.

He makes it to the break room before snapping forward. 

“ADT’shhhuuuuhhh! AH-TSHUUUuuuhhh!”

Evan’s nose had, unfortunately, been full to the brim with mucus before the two sneezes — which means he’s now in what he considers to be an emergency situation. 

He, instinctively, snaps a hand up to his face, clasping it firmly over his nose and mouth as he tries to ignore the wetness that’s now sliding past his lips and onto his chin. He spares a moment to internally thank whatever deity may be out there for the break room being currently empty of any other employees.

He walks briskly to the counter and grabs several tissues with his free hand from the box next to the sink. He winces as he slowly pulls back his hand. One part of his mind is preoccupied with how stringy the mess on his hands is, while the other part is alarmed with the realization that there is a glob of snot on his khakis. 

How is that even possible? 

He reaches out to turn on the sink, but a tickle in his nose has his breaths hitching erratically until he’s once again snapping forward. 

“AHgt’shUUUUUhhhhh!

The sneeze is wet, but in a heavier kind of way. Evan can think of no other way to describe it. It’s thick and bursts out in a cloud that’s visible through the fluorescent lighting. It’s not the kind of fine mist that accompanies the sneezes that come along with his spring allergies. This is like… like germ-laden fireworks. Globs of mucus land on the counter and his shoes. 

Evan, now covering his face with a tissue, reaches quickly for the sink handle as he contemplates how it’s even possible for someone to expel so much from their sinuses in less than a minute. There’s also a fair bit of his mind screaming in alarm at the realization he’d just sneezed all over the dishes in the sink. He quiets that part of himself down, though, because surely those will get washed, anyway, so it’s not like it matters. 

He hears his name being called out over the radio he has clipped onto his pockets — someone’s saying something about “suspicious behavior” in the electronics department.

“Shit,” he mutters. His hands have only been in the water for a few seconds, but he has to get back out on the sales floor right now. He’d washed off the visible mess from his hands, so that’ll have to be good enough. He pulls his hands out from under the water, turns it off and weakly attempts to air dry his hands by shaking them, but ultimately decides they’ll just have to stay damp. He snorts back an egregious amount of mucus and makes his way back out to the floor.

* * *

Evan clocks the “suspicious behavior” instantly. Evan sighs and rubs his temples at the headache he feels coming on.

The guy hovering around the area displaying expensive headphones and smart watches looks to be no older than twenty. He’s wearing a backpack and his eyes are darting around furtively. Evan almost wishes this guy would have been even just a little less obvious because Evan simply feels too tired to deal with this. It’s not like he can even do anything. He can’t accuse him of stealing, or kick him out of the store or do anything at all useful. 

But, still, there’s protocol he’s expected to follow — especially as an associate in a lead position.

“Hi! Is there anything you’re looking for in particular?” Evan asks in the friendliest tone of voice he can currently muster after making his way over to the customer. He holds back a wince at how nasal he’s beginning to sound.

“Uhh, just looking,” the man says, keeping his gaze down at the floor.

Evan holds back a sigh. He is not feeling well enough for this. “Right. Well, I would love to assist you in any way I c-c — hold on — ADT’SHuuuuH! ADT’SHHHH!”

Evan mentally applauds himself at catching the two sneezes into the crook of his elbow. They’re not as productive as before, but they do leave a wet spot on his sleeve. Thankfully, he’d chosen to wear a navy blue button up that morning, so it’s not especially noticeable. It’s still weird as hell that he’s sneezing in twos all of a sudden. He doesn’t recall ever doing that. He doesn’t have much time, though, to ponder on this because he has a situation to deal with.

“Uh, bless you?” the shoplifter says, sounding dubious. 

Evan gives a tight smile. “Thanks. You know, I could tell you about some of our popular — our p — hhh —” 

Oh my god, is he going to sneeze AGAIN?

He quickly rubs his nose with the back of his hand, ignoring the wetness he feels there. “Uhmb —”

When did he start sounding so congested?

He sniffles — or more accurately, snorts before clearing his throat. “Uhmb, I cand tell you a— abo — hh ouut — our mbost popular FitBits if that’s what you’re loogkig for. I’ll oped the case ad you cad take a loogk.” He gives another heavy snort.

The shoplifter is now wearing an expression that looks as though he’s regretting his decision to choose this store to steal from. 

Good, Evan thinks to himself. 

Evan’s expecting — and hoping — the man realizes that it’s useless to keep up the act and go on his merry way somewhere else.

Instead, Evan notices the customer becoming visibly flushed — a splotch of red breaking out over his neck and rising upward. “O-okay, yeah, you can open the case.”

Well, now Evan feels kind of bad for this guy. Clearly, he’s not an expert at shoplifting and he's just so young. He’s probably in a pretty bad spot to be considering it. But, now Evan has to keep up the act too, so he lowers himself down to a crouching position on the floor — the man joining him. The case is small, so the two are practically huddled next to each other, their knees touching.

Evan wipes his nose again with the back of his hand before reaching into his pockets for the case’s keys. Once he opens the case, the man mutters something about wanting to take a look at one of the options, so Evan goes to grab the one he specifies.

He turns his head slightly to look at the customer and intends to prattle on about the product details but instead he — 

“ADSHUUUHHHHH! ADg’shhhHHHHHHHH! AG’SHHHHHHHH!”

Oh my god.

It’s as though his body decided to use every ounce of effort and every drop of mucus inside his body for those three sneezes. 

Three sneezes.

What the hell kind of virus did he manage to catch?

Evan brings his hand to cover his face, though the damage has already been done — to an excessive degree. The poor man's pale face has visible spots of wetness on it. His neck even has a thick string sliding down it.

Evan decides he would, in this moment, like to die. Forget about his plans for becoming a psychologist — forget about his desire to find a partner and to maybe have kids. All that matters now is that he just coated this stranger in three thick and heavy sneezes. 

“I’b so EDT’SshuuuuuhHHHH!” 

It’s another sudden, drenching sneeze that again hits the poor, unfortunate stranger in the face.

“Excudse m’be, uhm… Do you wadt mbe to uhmb… I cad… I cad get somb paper towels or — or heh? EDTShuuuHHH!”

He directs the last sneeze down at his lap, at least, but again has to wonder how much more mucus he has left in him. Evan wipes his nose, leaving a slimy trail along the side of his hand. 

The poor would-be shoplifter genuinely looks like he’s about to cry and Evan has the weird impulse to just give him the FitBit to make up for the mother of all colds he’s surely just passed onto him. Because this guy has to catch it, right? Is there even a miniscule chance he won’t? Evan can literally see droplets from all the spray glistening on the guy’s lips. The sneezes were so thick, Evan swears he can smell them.

“Th-th-that’s okay,” the man says, nervously. “Um, I’ll just go to the bathroom and … clean up. And maybe just order one of these online. But… thanks, though, I guess,” he says, cheeks flushing. “Those sound like bad allergies,” he adds, an almost hopeful tone in his voice.

Evan rubs the back of his neck and tries not to look too directly at the sneeze-soaked man in front of him. “Yeah... definitely really bad, um... allergies.”

The man’s face softens with obvious relief. “Maybe take something for that,” he says before turning around and, presumably, heading off to the bathroom.

Evan should definitely go home. He’s so sick that it’s unreal. He’s not convinced that what just happened actually happened. Because who does that?  What actual real human being sneezes that much and that forcefully? And all over someone else? Surely he’s trapped in a nightmare. 

It’s fine, though, because he’s going home. He’s going home where he can rest and, most importantly, sneeze in his own privacy. 

As soon as he has the thought, he hears another voice over the radio.

“Evan, just wanted to let you know, Courtney’s headed home sick.”

Evan closes his eyes and slowly opens them. Courtney’s the other team lead on the schedule today. It’s protocol they always have at least one of them in the store at all times. 

He can’t leave.

He has a cold that seems to increase in severity with every millisecond, and he can’t leave.

“Evan, we need you at the registers,” says another voice over the radio.

He can already feel another sneeze swelling within his sinuses, ready to erupt at any moment.

Part 3

[pberrry]

part 2 !!

rick x sa victim! reader

sorry it took a year😭, this is a long one so prepare yourself

cw- p in v, very gentle sex, protected sex, crying, slight mention of s/a, mostly vague descriptions of genitals/sex

-SPOILER- i started this before the release of season 7 so there’s mentions of rick prime

You licked the last bit of gloppydrop-style ice cream off your lips, looking over at Rick while doing so. The two of you were cooped up in his underground domain. He was working on his latest conquest- finding Rick Prime. You felt obligated to help, but got rejected with a hasty groan every time you attempted to. At this point, you were really just taking up space in the room. Although, you did pass the occasional incredibly technical sci-fi piece of equipment to Rick.

“H-Hey, Y/n, pass me that- that thing right there,” Rick said, pointing in a vague way towards your general direction.

“What thing?” You looked behind you, confused.

“That- that!” Rick said, moving his finger in the slightest, “you fucking dumbass, I’m pointing right at it!”

“Sorry!” You apologized frantically.

Rick groaned.

“Don’t be. Let’s- let’s take a- blueeerrgh- break.” Rick said, getting up from his spot on the chair.

“Yea, okay,” you stayed grounded in your seat, eyes following Rick’s figure steadily as he walked towards you.

“Look, l-listen Y/n. I- blueearghheh- I didn’t mean to make you… make you uncomfortable or anything last- blrrrygh- last night. So don’t fucking use it against me.”

A giggle escaped your mouth.

“What?” Rick looked back at you, insulted, an annoyed glare etched in his eyebrows.

“It’s nothing. Just weird hearing you apologize,”

“Don’t get used to it dumb-errrgh-ass,” he groaned.

The two of you stayed silent for a second.

“I’m sorry if I lead you on or something. I- I really didn’t realize I was,” you apologized.

“You weren’t,” Rick stated bluntly. “It’s fine.”

Goddamn, maybe Summer and Morty were right about this man having a soft spot for you.

“And just to clarify, I wasn’t rejecting you,” You said, looking up.

“Y-you weren’t?” He paused for a moment, you had caught the man off guard. “I mean, of course you fu-euuueghhh-cking weren’t.” He says with that smug grin of his. He’s trying to cheer you up.

“And… I’m sorry I didn’t explain stuff to you.” You say, suddenly looking downwards.

Rick could tell how much you hated talking about it. The way you shifted slightly, the way you started fidgeting with your hands and the way your gaze avoided his. Your mouth peaked open slightly, only to shut again as your thoughts scrambled around, trying to decide the wording of your next sentence. He was staring at you, waiting with that harsh deadpan expression of his.

“Rick, do you think you could… help me?” You ask, fingers dancing nervously in your lap.

“‘Help’ you?” He repeated, a sneaking suspicious as to what you meant crawling up his spine and getting the gears in his head grinding.

“Help me, like… get over my fear. Of having sex.”

That statement hit him like a pile of bricks. Of course, he had half-expected it, but hearing you say it was something else entirely. For a moment he just stared at you. He just couldn’t understand why the fuck you would pick him.

“You want me-bleurrghhh-to what? Sweetie I’m willing- but I’m not sure choosing me is the brightest fucking idea.”

“Why not?” You asked, intrigue lacing your louder-than-usual voice.

“Come on, Y/n.”

“Come on, what?” You ask. “You don’t have to question my reasoning, you’re doing a good deed anyways.” You say, an almost pleading look in your eyes.

“Is it?” He retorts, grunting lightly.

You nod your head. He gives you a troubled, almost hesitant expression with a groan. Yea, of course he’d love to fuck you. Just not in these… circumstances. He would hate himself if he was responsible for hurting you, especially in the way that other person had.

“Fine.” He almost spits out. “When would you like me-bleurrghhh-to have sex with you?” He asks, bluntly.

“…now?” You respond.

He perks up, tilting his head a little and giving you a look that says ‘this is your last chance to back out’, before clicking a button and setting the garage into soundproof mode. Surprisingly, the work bench beside you began to rearrange itself into something a bit more… comfortable? Making you wonder why he had that function wired into his work bench, but of course the man was kind of a whore. You assumed that was where you were supposed to sit, so your plopped yourself down right there as you waited for Rick. The man was scrambling around for something in one of the drawers, when he pulled out a condom and some lube. He sat it beside you.

This was it. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, almost to the point you feared Rick might be able to hear it.

“Do you want a Xanax… or something?” He asked, a poor attempt at calming your nerves, to which, you shook your head.

“Stand up.” He said plainly, and you thought his words might knock the wind out of you.

Once you stood up, you could literally almost feel your knees buckle from how nervous you were. You felt his hands slip around your shoulders and grip them, cautious of his hands going places that may make you uncomfortable.

He leaned in, placing an unexpected kiss on your lips. Before you knew it, you were deepening the kiss, encouraging him to also. And that he did. His tongue slipped in your mouth, exploring what could possibly have been the best thing he ever tasted. After a few minutes, he lowered himself to his knees, an aged groan escaping his mouth. Although it was a bit embarrassing, his hardened dick was already straining uncomfortably against his jeans at just the action of kissing you.

He placed his hands on the hemline of your jeans, looking up at you for permission. You nodded hesitantly as you began to feel the cold air hit your exposed thighs, your jeans crumpling down at your ankles. Rick couldn’t wait.

He slipped your panties down, rough and calloused fingers meeting your plump skin. He slid them between your folds, rubbing you in little circular motions which made your legs jerk and shake lightly. His movements were slow and deliberate, observing your expressions carefully for and signs of discomfort. When he didn’t see any, he leaned in, propping your leg up on his shoulder. He buried his head between your legs, his tongue beginning to work it’s expertise on you. He gently eased his fingers into you, trying to lessen the pain you might be feeling by increasing the speed of his tongue. After all, you had been celibate for many years after what had happened to you, and he knew you probably weren’t used to the feeling.

Your fingers intertwined with his blue locks of hair, little moans and whines escaping you. You could feel your hips grind ever so slightly against his tongue and fingers, pushing you to orgasm. He curled his fingers, making you arch your back and let out a cry of pleasure. It comforted you some; knowing he was below you and not the other way around. His tongue lapped away at you with precision, liked he’d done this thousands of times and perfected the art.

With one final tremble of your legs, you came on his fingers. Rick couldn’t help the grin pulling at the side of his lips at the sight of your pleasured expression, and the cum coating his fingers. With one swift motion, he licked the cum off his fingers, causing your heart to pound inside your chest. His hands slipped around your waist, gripping you tightly and propping you up onto the workbench table with ease. Your hands held onto his wrists tightly, as if wanting control over his movements. He didn’t mind.

“You okay? Want me to continue?” He asked, staring down at you.

You nodded, breath heavy and anxious. The sound of his fly unzipping sent chills down your spine, unknowingly causing tears to well up in your eyes. You didn’t notice until Rick used his thumb to gently soothe your under-eye. He grabbed the lube, gently coating your entrance, before grabbing a condom and slipping it over himself.

“Lay down.” He instructed, his hand on your back to provide comfort against the hard table.

He leaned over you, pressing his head to your entrance. He gently eased into you, muttering a string of praises and soft words of encouragement.

“Good, only a little more…” He said softly, his dick still pushing into you and making a small whine leave your mouth.

He let out a low groan once he was as far as he could go, looking up at you with an oddly flushed face.

“Can I move?” He asked, his voice weirdly gentle.

You nodded, and began to feel his warm mass glide back in forth inside of you. You could feel a wetness gliding down your cheek, realizing you were crying. Rick did a good job of wiping your tears while simultaneously encouraging you. One of his hands moved to your hips, gripping it lightly to keep you in place. His other hand focused on wiping away your tears and ruffling your hair a little to calm your nerves. His hips moved back and forth in a intimate dance of love and lust for you, slowly gaining speed.

“Fuckkkk… don’t cry, sweetheart..” He groaned out, his eyes shut tightly in bliss.

Feeling the pleasure built up intensely inside him, he pulled out and came against your stomach, condom basically filled to the brim. Both of you were panting, flushed messes. It took Rick a few moments to compose himself, taking off his condom and tossing it into a nearby trash can. The sight of you, laying there, all flushed and sweaty, almost made him cum again. He helped you sit up, wiping your tears a little.

“You okay?” He asked, his voice gruff as per usual but his actions told otherwise.

“Yea…” you answered, words heaved out because of your stolen breath.

In a gesture very unlike him, Rick pulled you close, hugging you to his chest and petting your head affectionately.

He definitely had a soft spot for you.

He grabbed a clean towel, gently wiping you off. After he was done, he grabbed the hoodie you had previously discarded and pulled it over you. He picked you up, allowing your legs to straddle his waist and your arms to latch onto his neck. You found yourself oddly worn out in his arms, sleep’s embrace tempting you. He carefully laid you on the spare bed he sometimes slept in while in his random, obsessive bursts of searching for Rick prime. He seemed to think for a moment, debating wether he should go back to working on his conquest or joining you in a nap. He chose the latter.

ty for reading!!! hope you enjoyed

[glitteringcrab]

Evil Morty and the other Mortys

I think Evil Morty would have been a 100% sympathetic character to us viewers if it wasn't for the fact that he strapped hundreds of Mortys on a dome and tortured them endlessly.

However, my gut is telling me that, although Evil Morty is definitely ruthless, he's not... evil evil. Like, I can see him torturing hundreds of Mortys so that he gets to escape, but I can't see him torturing them for fun.

I can think of a few reasons why he might have done this.

Theory 1: Pragmatism

For starters, Evil Morty is very cautious and his signature move is making himself appear more harmless than he actually is. It's not unlikely that he considered the possibility that his plan may eventually go awry (like it did). It would be a lot more likely that he wouldn't get interrogated or summarily shot (or examined in any way) if he:

(a) made it seem that the Rick he was paired with was extremely evil with a beef against Mortys and therefore resistence on Evil Morty's part would be worse than suicidal

AND

(b) made sure there was a laaaaarge crowd of Mortys to hide in. If there were, like twenty Mortys in total, it would be a lot easier for the Citadel to interrogate each and one of them or to try to find a connection, a link among them, to determine the dimension they were from, which in turn would make it a lot more likely for Evil Morty to be found out.

So he needs to surround himself with a LOT of Mortys and he needs them alive... but that would make zero sense on "Evil Rick's" part. If Evil Morty wants to sell the idea that there is an Evil Rick who collects brains from other Ricks, it'd make little sense for Evil Rick to keep hundreds of Mortys alive and well. He'd have to put them to good use. So Evil Morty has to put them to good use.

Theory 2: Failed Morty Strike

Yeah, it's obvious that Evil Morty does not really care if he tortures other versions of himself:

At worst, he sadistically enjoys their suffering: "ah-ah-ah, Rick. Quiet. You're missing my symphony". Is this something he made Evil Rick say so as to appear deranged, or does he personally really enjoy it?

At best, he doesn't like it but does not hesitate doing it.

I suspect the answer lies somewhere inbetween. I think he's both desperate and desensitized at that point... If he has already been forced by his previous Ricks to kill and torture people, then this is just a line that has already been crossed.

...but it's also clear that he HATES Mortys. He said to Morty Prime: "you sellout Mortys kill me. I'd hate you more than the Ricks you worship if there was any point". (So he hates them... equally).

This whole thing gives me a bit of a "oh, you want to be a human shield?! Then you get to BE a human shield!!" vibe.

I mean that I get the impression that he had sought help from other Mortys in the past, or that he had participated in a rally against Ricks... but all the Mortys ended up giving up or siding with Ricks eventually. Just like Morty Prime ended up siding with Rick when the Citadel was collapsing. Just like Campaign Manager Morty was trying to convince Evil Morty to quit before the election even took place. The main reason I suspect that Mortys as a collective had let Evil Morty personally down in the past is his reply to Morty Prime when he asked for help. He answered "it would be pointless. Mortys have no chance of defeating a Rick". It's not unlikely that this is what he had been told when he asked other Mortys for help.

Morty Prime did manage to rally the other Mortys in the Morty dome but truth be told they were extremely desperate. I can totally see Mortys doing a strike in the Citadel and the strike completely fizzling out because Ricks mind blew a few Mortys, summarily arrested and expelled some others into space, or even offered some Mortys the opportunity to get paired immediately with new Ricks (forever). The latter seems quite likely given that Morty Prime's mom was instructing him to demand for Rick to treat him better and he said "no, I'm desperate" (and Rick freaking smiled). Imagine if you have NO MOM and get offered a second chance of companionship by a Rick...

This would make his offer to Morty Prime make a lot more sense: he's a Morty who (a) was sick of Rick (b) tried to help other Mortys, and (c) successfully rallied them. He'd be everything an emotionally cornered Evil Morty would ever want-- oh, wait. Actually, NO. That second seat is just a toilet.

I like this theory because it means Evil Morty is the personification of the results of the failures of BOTH Rick AND Morty. Morty constantly doing whatever Rick tells him is not just bad for him, it means he becomes an accomplice to a lot of criminal acts... And although he's a child and therefore carries a very small part of the blame, after a certain point he should also take responsibility for his own actions (I mean, he tried to ROOFIE Jessica!!)

Theory 3: Evil Morty had personal beef with the Mortys he was torturing

If the hypothesis that he is a clone Morty with no real family and that he had been passed around repeatedly among various Ricks is true, then it's possible he specifically targeted the previous Ricks that had rejected him and the Mortys that had replaced him, out of spite. I wholeheartedly hope this isn't true because it'd mean he has been passed around hundreds of times. Slick Morty, who had 5 Ricks in the past, was "top" of his class, so hopefully exchanging hundreds of Ricks is Not A Thing.

Not to mention that targetting Ricks who had a previous connection with him would make it more likely for someone to discover said connection and catching him.

Also, since Evil Morty's plan was to bring down the Central Finite Curve, it'd make more sense for him to target Ricks likely to be in the know, not Ricks he had a personal beef with.

So, no, I don't think this theory is true.

Theory 4: He's jealous of Mortys with loving families

It's possible that, if Evil Morty is a clone Morty with no family, he targeted "naturally occuring Mortys" in loving families, out of spite. Mortys who had what he never had.

Theory 5: I'm overthinking it.

He's evil. Period.

[pondhue]

just wanted to say thank you all for the love you have shown on my work so far. it is so nice to be able to have something to enjoy/enjoy with other people

i happened to get into the show october 2022, when i was at a very low/scary point in my life (i am much better now ☺️). i got very attached to the show very quickly. it felt good to distract myself with a (controlled?) chaotic thing as it helped me escape from my own. and of course i got very attached to rick. im sure freud would have a field day in my brain trying to figure THAT out but anyway-

i see ALL of your tags (i literally scroll and read ALL of them like if you think 'oh haha not mine' yours too), replies, i see the asks (don't worry i will get to them, im working on a rickxdiane being domestic one as i type this) and read them with a big grin on my face.

the level of enthusiasm and excitement shared here is so nice and lowkey refreshing. it really makes drawing fun for me again. i get excited to pick up my tablet pen again for the first time in 2 years! im like "people like my stuff!! they get excited for when i post!! all those little people in my phone are so nice!!!" to my partner bc i just get so pumped lol (he begrudgingly accepts my rick obsession, love him) and he's really happy for me.

i've also noticed my artistic skill and visual library improved and expanded significantly upon making this side blog and delving into doing fanart for rick and morty. i just love this show so much and i wanted to say that in a way that best suits me. i'm very proud of myself and appreciative of all the support! it pushes me to do more/better in terms of my art

this post got suuuuuper long but the edible kicked in and i'm feeling ✨sentimental✨so yeah. thank you all. you guys are great.

- pond 🩷

[zeep-xanflorp]

rambling about the rick-unity-wong talk bc i'm upset about it

r: look, it's clear you weren't lying when you said you could've taken over earth because your finger just took over america. i need you to help me fix that.

u: oh, it took that to make you believe me?

r: why should i believe you? you show up unannounced and hijack a state.

u: i called you! multiple times! you ghosted me.

so there are two ways i think you can read rick not believing unity. one is that he believed it was trying anything to stay in proximity to rick even though he was asserting boundaries, or two, he did actually believe it but wanted to deal with the situation on his own or just wanted it gone. either way, he didn't want to be around it.

then there's the part about rick ghosting it. like okay yes. unity tried giving rick a heads up but the fact is that it knew rick wasn't answering its calls. it Knew rick wouldn't know it was there unless it made a big deal about it being there and that's what it did. it literally showed up without permission and assimilated a whole state on rick's home planet, in rick's country. just to get his attention.

w: rick, is that true?

r: she dumped me. why would i answer her calls?

and now we get a blatant explanation for why rick was ignoring unity. i imagine it would've been clear enough anyway without this explanation but rick is still upset from being broken up with. so he decided to ghost it with no explanation, cutting it off entirely.

w: alright, i'm going to commit a cardinal sin in couples therapy here, but rick, i think you're wrong. [..] you had an outer-space lady who was worried for your life and your response was hostile enough to cause a huge problem.

u: thank you.

w: now you're asking her to both forgive you and solve it?

now, the mistake wong makes here is assuming she knows the full story. obviously she's smart and i think she gave her best analysis based on what she knows of the situation, but in her ignorance she fails to listen to rick, her patient.

the whole theme of this episode is rick asserting his boundaries. he doesn't want to see unity because last time he did it ended catastrophically for him. he's not ignoring it out of pettiness but as a defence mechanism. a coping strategy. and when it decided to follow through with its plan of coming to america anyway, destroying the boundaries rick had in place, it made him lash out.

rick also has a tendency to self sabotage when things are going well for him, whether he realises it or not. he abuses morty when they get too close. he made unity party with him instead of doing its duties. his actions push people away, keeping them at arms length.

i believe his boundaries are in place to prevent these episodes of self sabotage. so when they get ignored and discarded, he goes back into that mindset.

and wong, who would be aware of this at least vaguely, blames unity's actions on rick ignoring it which is not fair in the slightest imo.

w: unity, i think the reason rick brought me here is that he doesn't know how to indicate to you he's changed. because he's changing very slowly. but he is.

now this is something i had trouble understanding bc i am a shameful rick apologist at the best of times and couldn't remember what he actually did wrong. his crime in this instance was when he was distracting unity from its work, influencing it to drink and party all the time and avoid its responsibilities. this became too much for it, especially when it saw how rick used the same methods to detach himself from his family.

so it broke up with him, leaving him to spiral into the worst mental state we as the audience have personally seen him in in present day - his suicide attempt. unity doesn't know about that, and i'm guessing wong doesn't either, because all rick needed to say to wong was that their breakup ended horribly for him so being around it is difficult for him and maybe she would've understood more. but no that's too much vulnerability for old man sanchez.

rick has changed since then. i imagine he better understands why unity left him. i also think he knows that it wants the best for him but struggles with accepting that. that's what led to this mess of a situation.

he feels hurt from being abandoned. it feels hurt that rick couldn't understand why it left. and all of this culminated in a messy situation where unity acted drastically to get rick's attention, and rick in his stubbornness and pain refused to accept it.

and so. i think wong spoke too quickly. i think she definitely knows rick's patterns and is right to call him out but made an unfair judgement on only him because even she expects the worst from him. he is changing, but she is encouraging unity not to give him a second chance because he's not there yet. when really that decision should be up to unity.

even though it does take agency at the end. after unity releases america from its hold, we get this absolutely heartbreaking scene between it and rick.

r: i trust you now.

u: that's nice. but i don't trust you.

unity turns rick's lack of trust in it back at him, and it's telling the truth. it feels betrayed by rick's actions in this episode because it only wanted to make sure rick was alright. to it, rick seems to be punishing unity for caring about him.

anyway in conclusion. rick is mentally ill, wong was a little too harsh on him in this episode bc it's a complex situation, and unity will act drastically if it can't get rick's attention. it's unfair to blame it all on rick in this case (even though things are normally his fault) bc while he did act immaturely in response, he wasn't the only one that escalated the conflict so drastically.

this is not a refined analysis. i might fix it later but no promises.

[countlessrealities]

HOLIDAY GIFTS ASKS || No longer accepting.

@mcltiples sent:

Considering the plans that the president had planned for that day, Morty made it his mission to find a suitable time to get that second-in-command alone. Away from his counterpart. It took a lot of spying and sneaking around. Though, he found his opportunity.

Deactivating the invisibility shield, he grabbed the Rick by the wrist. "I have something for you," He made sure to say quickly to let it be known who was there. "It's important."

The box that was handed over was sleek in design with a black bow to match the rest of it. Past the purple, orange and green tissue paper, was a watch. Gold plated with a thin chained band. In the middle of it, instead of an analog clock, was just the Citadel's insignia. Different from the one in the timeline they currently stood in.

"Allow me to explain," He stood as tall as he could, radiating confidence and business. "We've all been working together, I thought it would be about time to actually make it official. So think of this as a beacon of sorts, connected to the other team members. In case of emergency, we can contact each other through this. To save one another, rescue them, or to help each other out,"

With arms placed behind his back, he smiled while he spoke. "I'm only handing them out to the Ricks of the team because Morty and I don't need rescuing when we have our loyal second-in-commands by our sides, but I trust you enough to let me know -- if he ever does get hurt, that you would notify me and keep me updated and allow me to help if I can -- this is a big step for me, I don't trust Ricks that easily and you've earned that much."

And without another word, he turned on his heel, pressing a few buttons on his wrist to activate the invisibility shield. Disappearing into the corridor.

{ To your Evil Rick from my E-Morty 🎄❄️ }

Successfully ambushing Rick was no easy feat, and getting him to display his surprise was even harder. So far, the only person who had come close to managing it, without truly succeeding, mind you, had been his counterpart. Everyone else had been, if not predictable, very much unsurprising.

Not only he was constantly aware of his surroundings, no matter how chaotic they might be, but he always made sure to study in depth the people he regularly interacted with, to be able to tell them apart from everyone else, through each and every sense.

Thus why, even if he hadn't expected being grabbed out of the blue, he instantly knew whom the hand that had wrapped around his arm belonged to. There was only one person who would have dared to grab so casually and confidently, fearing no harm.

Morty.

Not his own, because he would have recognised his One's touch anywhere, but that grip was the closest thing to it. His Master's counterpart.

The box was accepted in silence, without hesitation, but unwrapped with the utmost care. It was a token from his Morty's mirror image, so he would treat it as any gift offered to him by his owner himself. If the odd build of the watch puzzled him, it didn't show, as his expression remained as unreadable as per usual. Yet, anyone who had cared to look really, really attentively would have spotted the subtlest hint of curiosity in his gaze.

Unreadable grey-blue eyes stared as the other president offered his explanation. An encrypted channel, secret and exclusive, meant for very privileged few. What a fascinating concept, to be included in such a tight circle. A prize for the loyalty he had so obsessively showed, even if he would have never demanded one. After all, being allowed to stand by his Morty's side was all the reward he could ever want.

Though, it didn't escape him that there was more than just the will to form a tight team behind that gesture. The words that the other president used gave it away almost too obviously. He was being asked to watch over his own Morty even more closely, to rLe advantage of extra resources in case the ones he had access to weren't enough. He was being asked to share the most vital information with someone who cared for his Master as deeply as he did, even if in a different way.

And how could he have ever denied it? Compared to that, even the admission that he had been made into an exception to a strict, unforgiving rule paled and lost importance.

He wasn't given a chance to verbally reply since Morty walked away right after having finished his little speech, but Rick wouldn't have said a word even if he had had the chance to. In his eyes, there was nothing else to add, not when his silence had agreed to the deal he had been offered. A "thank you" would have come, in another form, later that day, as he had just decided, but for now, their business was concluded.

And the only trace that it had ever happened would have been the peculiar watch faithfully wrapped around his left wrist.

[samninja18]

Rick and Dr Wong…

Sue me, I ship them.

Reasons why?

1. Rick has TRIED dating people as smart or strong as him before, he’s dated literal aliens and had a few crushes that never worked out. He was ready to raise a kid with one and that didn’t work out. He needs to try a normal human being, someone to help balance out his syfi life, call out his BS, respect his space, help him out, and not be afraid of him.

2. Diane is NEVER coming back in canon, she’s been erased all across this timeline’s multiverse. Bird Person is gone. Unity is toxic. And I can’t find anyone else that would be alright for him that he can actually get along with and find respect for.

3. Rick respects her to a point he actually listens and behaves in therapy, he admitted she was right about him needing it, he defended her and saved her life and asked her for HELP with the whole Unity deal (tho she didn’t have the full story). He would never do this with ANY other human that wasn’t his family or a close friend.

These reasons are all why I think it could work out even if it will never be canon.

Also Rick seems pretty angry With the President flirting with her. If she was just another human to him he wouldn’t be bothered at all, he’d just say “Ew” and walk away like it’s nothing. Instead he gets MAD and pretends not to care, something we’ve ONLY seen him do with people he genuinely cares about. Like when he got jealous that Morty saw a random group of people as his heroes.

Now reasons why I like them as a ship in general?

Look at photos of them as a duo

They have a similar “I’m done with this bullshit” and “you know I’m right” Attitude.

I love this dynamic.

And I know what your thinking:

“She’s his therapist! She can’t date him! It’s so wrong!”-

Get real, it’s rick and morty. This show isn’t traditional by ANY means. Beth is literally dating her own clone while still married to her husband. Morty dated an alien, Rick has fucked an alien horse lady and a planet, Morty had a son, Jerry got swapped with another reality, Morty isn’t even biologically Rick’s Morty.

This show is all about breaking tradition. So Rick dating his own therapist isn’t even a stretch. And Dr Wong while remaining a therapist has stepped out of her “code” quite a few times for the Sanchez family and therefore shouldn’t have a problem doing so again.

[fandomwe1rd0]

I made a fic about the rainbow ride being for noob-noob. It hurt me so you guys have to suffer with me :)

Rick made a saw trap for the Vindicators for God knows what reason.

We were venturing to the last challenge, there were a few Vindicators gone and me and Rick were handcuffed. Supernova handcuffed Rick. She also handcuffed me for some reason (Even though I had nothing to do with it) ans said "I don't want you slipping away when this is over, all of these deaths are on your hands!" Rick defended himself "Maybe a few of them, but definitely not the train guy-" Rick groaned as Supernova hit him and repeated "All of them." Rick sighed "Okay..."

We finally got to the final final room, ready to complete the final challenge. Rick, clearly drunk out of his mind as usual appeared on a huge monitor there was a blue circular platform in front of the mointor. Drunk Rick started speaking "Now I've been pretty clear right now that I think the Vindicators are full of shit.." Yep. He clearly made that clear. Ruined my childhood just so he could make that point. Such a considerate grandpa, really. "But you do have one thing that I'll never have..." Please, as if I would believe. He's the smartest man in the universe. He has everything he needs. "And that's the only thing of the Vindicators that has any value to me..if you know what it is place it on the platform. Get it wrong and the whole p-planet will explode and probably the solar system too because I fuckin' eyeballed the neuterno bombs on this one." Supernova nodded "Ok, what is it? Morty you're the drunk Rick expert." She commented, looking at me.

I looked down. Rick doesn’t care about anyone. He only cares about his portal gun and flask. So what was this about...? Wait. I got it. "I think...no matter we put on there, we die. He said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moments alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave." That sounds just like him. Supernova recoiled "Geez! Open to 2nd opinions" to my surprise, Rick spike "It could.." Rick hesitated, his gaze going from me and back to the floor so quickly that I barely acknowledged it. "It could be Morty..." I nearly flinched "What?" Rick looked to the side "Look...when I get drunk I get stupid and emotional, there's no real logic to it.." So that's what he calls having emotions "Like...it's possible I got so drunk I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators..." I could help the smile that spread on my face from hearing that as I looked down to the ground. "So maybe this my way of saying 'Ok, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is otherwise I'll kill you.'" Million Ants blinked "That is a...really specific guess..." Rick wasn't making eye contact with anyone "Look, there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. Its the best guess I got." Supernova asked "But...you're betting our lives on it?"

I smirked "I'll cover that bet, I get it." I advanced towards the platform as Rick followed behind trying to defend himself "I'll think you're doing that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you." Sure. Totally believe you Rick. Whatever helps you sleep at night. "I just want to be clear that if anyone has a better guess, like if I gave you an amulet last night or-" I stepped on the platform. It accepted me.A seat popped up and it dragged me down with it.

My heart raced but then I saw an amusement park like ride. The chair fit me perfectly. The chair moved through the ride at a slow, peaceful pace. I heard drunk Rick speak. "I'm sorry I'm...not good at goodbyes and I'm drunk so just...it looks like I'm never gonna see you again." I gripped the front of the chair. I've never seen Rick so emotional... "I want you to know that...even if I didn't show it at the time...I really appreciated you sticking by me..." I saw my vision get blurry. Then it hit me. When I saw tears fall down on my jeans. I wiped my eye and Drunk Rick said "You're probably confused because we barely know each other.." I puckered my lips in confusion ...What?If this was really about me then...why is he saying we barely know each other?We've know each other for years. He's literally my grandpa. Wait wait. Calm down Morty. It doesn't gave to be literal. Maybe he means because I don't know...maybe something about closing himself off?I mean he's talking about the only part of the Vindicators he values, it's had to be about me!...Right..?"But you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room"Wait I didn't...No...Don't tell me...It had to be about me...Maybe he's talking about another time I don't remember "Everyone else had their heads so far up the ass"...this wasn't about me was it...?"Even my own grandson is like 'Oh the Vindicators! They're so cool!'"...So he wasnt talking about me. So he doesnt care about me. Of course not."I mean, hes a moron thats their demographic."No Morty. Don't cry. "Don't be pathetic, why would he be talking about you? It's your fault for getting your hopes up, who could care about you?"That stupid voice. I clutched the front of my seat, my knuckles turning white. It took everything in me to not burst out in tears....At least I found put what he says about me when I'm not there...Of course it wasn't me..."But you're different noob-noob"Noob-Noob who...?Oh...the janitor...The one that laughed at his jokes...He cares about him more than me...His grandson who he's known for years..."Motherfucker..."I put on an angry mask because it was the only thing stopping me from crying...I mean was I mad?Yes! I was fucking pissed!But...the realization that he cares about some janitor more than me and just sees me as a moron..."You're fucking cool and you're fucking smart and I bet we coulda hung out and shit and..I hope you get to become a full fledged Vindicators...a-and do me a favor, don't let know I got emotional"I should. It would serve the asshole right."But you can tell them one thing, tell me I said-"What? What do you want me to tell your grandson that he's a moron? That you care about some random guy that laughed at your jokes more than him?"Oh fuck. I just shit myself. Later."The ride retracted and I ended up back where I was.Rick saw me"Morty, bro, wha-""Shut up."The last thing I wanted to hear was his voice.He also didn't even remember who Noob-Noob was when he was sober, so that's just fan-fucking-tastic. As soon as I got home, I made a beeline for my room. I locked the door, sat on my bed, thought about what happened, and just hugged my knees as I cried. My sniffles being muffled my knees. I don't remember how long I cried for, but eventually I fell asleep. Alone.

[misslisamiray]

A little delayed, but finally, here's Chapter 6 of Down With the Rickness! Those of you who remember the excerpts I posted before I started posting actual chapters may notice this features two of them, but longer now! New chapter is below the cut.

Back on Earth, Morty was looking for a place to hide the portal gun. He thought about just putting it back in the garage, but no – that would be the first place Rick would look once he noticed it was missing. After a few minutes of thinking and realizing there really wasn’t a “good” place to hide it, he decided that under his bed was as good a place as any.

“Rick will probably be out for a while. But I think I’ll need help once he wakes up. Better find Dad.” the boy said to himself. He decided to get dressed for the day, since going back to bed was clearly not an option, then went to find Jerry.

“Dad? You here? You didn’t listen to Rick and go next door after all, did you? Dad?” he called, walking through the house and checking anywhere he thought Jerry might be. Kitchen, no. Living room, no. Mancave, no. Bedroom, no. Then Morty heard noise coming from the attic.

“A raccoon or possum or something must’ve gotten in again. Perfect day for it, too. Good thing Rick made Dad immune to rabies.” Morty sighed, heading up the stairs to the attic.

“Hey, Dad? I know you’re having fun up here with your little friends, but it has to wait. I need a hand taking care of Rick, and… what the hell are you doing up here, exactly?” he said, puzzled by the sight in front of him. Morty had expected to find his father either playing with or being attacked by a wild animal or two, depending on the temperament of whatever had gotten into the attic this time. Instead, Jerry was sitting on the floor, surrounded by boxes, some of them tipped over, and piles of disorganized anime VHS tapes.

“Oh, hi Morty. You know what Sailor Moon is, right?” was what he received as an answer.

“Ummm, yes? Classic 90’s manga and anime that’s known for popularizing the magical girl genre in the U.S. And for the old dub making the questionable-at-best choice of trying to pass off two clearly lesbian characters as cousins. Why are you asking me about Sailor Moon?” an even more confused Morty replied.

Ignoring his son’s question while he went through another pile of tapes, Jerry said, “That’s right, Morty! I loved watching it before school as a kid, but I’d forgotten all about it. Then there was this time last year when Rick disguised me as his assistant using something he called a ‘reusable Sailor Moon transformation sequence’, and you see, it brought back all the good memories I had of watching that show when I was young. Along with the bad ones of the boys who liked Dragon Ball Z instead bullying me, but I digress.”

“Uh-huh. That’s great, Dad. Well, mostly. That last part sounds like it sucked… Anyway, nevermind the walk down memory lane right now. I need you downstairs to help me with Rick.”

“Oh. Is whatever the Mimicking Disease mimicking now really bad, Morty? Am I going to come downstairs and see it’s turned all his organs visible, and we can like, see the damage being done to them in real time? If it’s that you’ll warn me, right, Morty?” Jerry worried, getting squeamish over his own made-up scenario.

“No, it’s nothing like that. Rick made up the whole Mimicking Disease thing. Well, I don’t know if he made up that it exists. It might? But he definitely made up the part about him having it.” Morty replied.

He was about to explain further, but was cut off by his father saying, “So it is something worse after all? I thought Rick sending your mom and sister away was a little odd. *GASP!* Morty, you’ve been awfully close to him this whole time, haven’t you?” He quickly backed away from Morty, scooting backwards until he crashed into another box of tapes.

Morty rolled his eyes and said, “Dad, calm down. Rick just has a cold. A pretty bad one from the looks of it, but still just a cold. The thing is, he’s not dealing with it well at all, and apparently store brand otc cold medicine is the only substance out there he has like, no tolerance for. Or hallucinating melting walls is what those internet weirdos meant by the expired medicine ‘working too well’? I don’t know. I do know he’s making this whole thing a lot more of a problem than it needs to be. And it’s probably going to get worse when he wakes up, so come help.”

“But why would Rick lie about having some weird alien disease to hide having a cold? It doesn’t make sense. Now, him lying about having one alien disease to hide having a worse one, that makes sense.” Jerry continued to worry, gulping nervously.

“I don’t know, and I don’t get it either. I’m sure there’s a reason. Probably a reason no one but Rick would understand, or maybe even he doesn’t. But it’s Rick - that’s true for almost everything he does. Please just come downstairs. I see you’ve already given up on your big plan to help to do this instead.” Morty replied wearily.

“Given up? Oh, you couldn’t be more wrong, Morty. This is all a part of my plan.” Jerry stated, starting to look through another pile of tapes. 

"Your plan to help Rick feel better is... old anime VHS tapes? I mean... okay? Maybe it would distract him or cheer him up a little. He'd probably enjoy some, maybe even most of this stuff. That's actually not a bad idea, Dad. But it's also not a priority." Morty said.

"You misunderstand. I'm not looking for something for Rick to watch. I'm looking for something I need to watch. And once I do, then I'll know exactly how to help your grandfather." Jerry replied matter of factly.

After standing there for a moment, dumbfounded and not knowing what to say to that, Morty finally asked, "So, your big, great plan is to spend the day going through these boxes, then watching Sailor Moon? And that's supposed to teach you... something relevant to our current situation?"

"It's not going to take me all day, Morty. If your mom and I had done a better job of putting these tapes away, I'd already have what I need. And it's not as if I could watch all 200 episodes and 3 movies in a single day even if I tried. No, there's just one specific episode I need to find. I know it's technically a 'filler' episode, but it's a classic. Episode 71 of the original English dub, “No Thanks, Nurse Venus!” The bad guys infect the city with a flu virus as part of their evil plan, and all of the Sailor Scouts are down with it - except one." Jerry explained, his voice taking on a singsongy tone at the last part.

"From the title, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's Sailor Venus?" Morty said, the urge to scream growing by the second.

"That's right, Morty! For some reason, she and Artemis - that's her mentor/talking cat - remain completely fine, so Mina sets out to nurse the rest of the team back to health. She's honestly terrible at it, but she means so, so well." Jerry replied fondly.

"Dad, I - where do I even start listing everything that's wrong with this 'plan' of yours?! 1, that sounds more like a magic spell than an actual virus. 2, you can't learn anything about treating an illness by watching an old anime episode, and, and..." Morty sputtered.

"Oh, Morty. It's because I told you it's a filler episode, isn't it? Or maybe because I specifically need to watch the old DiC dub? For someone with only the most basic understanding of Sailor Moon, you really don't have any business being a snobby purist. And for your information, Mister, this episode is so good that even people who normally are snobs about that sort of thing enjoy it." Jerry said, shaking his head and giving his son a disappointed look.

“Dad, of everything that’s wrong with your plan, which is EVERYTHING, that’s easily what’s the least wrong! Just because Rick told you to go be stupid upstairs, does not mean you had to take that as literally as possible! You’re not going to come downstairs and help me, are you?”

“Obviously not, Morty. Until I find that tape and watch that episode, what help could I possibly be?” Jerry replied with a shrug. He was clearly annoyed his son still didn’t seem to understand his plan, even after he’d explained it so well.

“I mean, you could go out to get more medicine. Or keep an eye on Rick while I go do that. Or maybe make food? There’s a lot of things you could do, actually. But it’s fine. Just stay up here and keep doing what you’re doing, Dad.” Morty sighed, deciding there was no point in further trying to talk any sense into his father. Jerry was already back to looking through tapes, humming the Sailor Moon opening theme.

As Morty walked back down the steps, he muttered to himself, “What else is going to help Rick get better? I know he needs to rest, and that we need to get more medicine. And obviously that I can’t let him near more than a single dose at a time. But is that like, it? Feels like there’s more I should do. Aww geez, we really don’t have to deal with normal problems like this often, do we? Kinda makes it harder when they do come up. I hope Mom and Summer get home soon.” 

A few minutes later, Morty had made his way back to Rick’s room. Expecting his grandfather to still be asleep, and not wanting to wake him, he slowly, carefully opened the door… only to discover the bed was empty.

“Rick? Are you in here?” Morty asked tentatively, stepping into the room and looking around. He checked under the bed and in the closet. No Rick.

“God dammit!!!” he yelled, kicking the nearest wall before going to search the rest of the house.

“Rick! Where are you?! You need to go back to bed! Rick!” he called, walking through the house. First he checked the bathroom. Empty.

“You in here? Rick? Come on, this isn’t funny! Are you like, hiding because you’re mad about the medicine?” He checked the living room next. Still no Rick.

“He couldn’t have gotten far. Kitchen, maybe?” As soon as Morty stepped into the kitchen, he realized that it was also empty, but there was noise coming from the garage.

“Dammit, I should have known!” 

Morty ran into the garage and was immediately taken aback by the sight in front of him. Rick was dressed in his normal clothes again, but his labcoat was crooked and sliding down his left shoulder. He had a sock and shoe on his left foot, but a slipper on his right. His belt was unbuckled, and Morty was fairly sure his shirt was on backwards. He was trying to keep his blankets - there were now three of them - wrapped around himself while he set up another experiment and had to keep pausing to adjust them.

The experiment in question? Well, it wasn't clear exactly what Rick was trying to accomplish, but he'd gathered the petri dish containing the blood sample he took earlier, a couple of empty ones, and some used tissues, and was arranging all of them on the garage floor... in front of a large ray gun on a pedestal.

"What the hell do you think you're doing now, Rick?! Whatever it is, stop!" Morty yelled, startling Rick and causing him to stumble forward and bump into the ray gun. This led to it flipping so it was facing the roof, which it immediately shot a hole through.

"Ow! Dammit, Morty! Look what you made me do!" Rick complained, rubbing his forehead where he'd hit the ray gun.

"Uh-huh. Weird way to thank me for that hole ending up in the roof and not your head." Morty said wearily.

"Okay, so this wasn't on the right setting for what I'm *Cough!* trying to do just now. But I would've figured that out on my own without your so-called help." Rick grumbled, turning a dial on the ray gun and repositioning it so it was once again aimed at the assortment of things on the floor.

"And what exactly are you trying to do?"

"Isn't it obvious? I hate to admit it, Morty, but you were right about the idea I had before being terrible. *Sniff!* Shrinking you down to microscopic size to talk to the virus? I don't, don't know what I was thinking with that." Rick admitted as he rearranged the petri dishes. The pile of blankets slid down a little, and he started shivering again.

Noticing that, Morty helped adjust them around Rick's shoulders, saying, "Glad you realized that, but you still didn't answer my question."

"Huh? Oh, *Cough!* right. As I was saying, making you or a clone or a robot germ-sized is not the right way to handle this situation at all. In fact, the way to deal with it is the exact opposite. What I need to do for this negotiation thing to work is make the germs human-sized." Rick explained matter-of-factly.

"Rick, no! Don't you see how that's even worse than your original plan?!" Morty asked, rightfully horrified. 

“Huh? How so? There was a lot that could have gone wrong with the original plan. Even though I’d send you in armed in case the little peace talk fell through, you *COUGH!* woulda been seriously outnumbered in here, Morty. And God forbid anything happened to prevent me from getting you back out. Let’s face it, I am not in peak form today. And it’s not like there’s anyone else here to help. Shit, maybe I shouldn’t have sent Summer away. Eh, I’ll make it up to her once I feel better. Anyhow, *Cough!* *Cough!* if we do it this way instead, all those risks go away. We’ll be face to face with the bastards and on an even playing field.” Rick replied, not understanding Morty’s concerns.

“No, we won’t be! Instead of just me, it’ll be the two of us vs… How many germs are in a person’s body when they have a cold? Millions? Billions? It’s at least thousands, and I’m pretty sure it’s a lot more than that! If you make them all human sized, they’ll overrun the house, then the neighborhood, and, and wouldn’t being exposed to germs that size make everyone around really sick? How are you not seeing everything that could go wrong with this idea, Rick?!” Morty yelled.Visibly annoyed, Rick answered, “Obviously I’m not going to make all the germs our size, Morty. I mean, to do that, I’d need to remove all of them from my body first. Which would require, among other things, a full blood replacement. Which I *Cough!* might not live through, and if I did, I’d already be cured once I was done. And then why would I waste my time talking to over – to a bunch of oversized *SNIFF!* germs, huh, Morty?” Morty was once again at a loss for words due to the crazy plan being explained to him – something that had already happened too many times for how early it still was.

[visionthefox]

Maybe its because Eclipse being defeated by somebody like this has only happened maybe once before(when Old Eclipse was obliterated), where no matter what he said or did, he couldn't work his way out of the situation, its rare to see him in a situation where he's not on top or refusing to drop the bluff-and-bully act? And it was Dark Sun who beat him, he even started the episode by saying that all Suns are stupid and laughing to himself about it, only to immediately be completely proven wrong, there's a bit of karmic irony to that Though what Dark Sun said was kinda scary, that he was going to do this to New Moon if Eclipse hadn't gotten there first, which would've been dark, who knows what he's planning since he seems to want to be so involved in the goings on of our dimension Also sidenote, the reveal that he took his Moon's intelligence felt...Cheap? That the only way he got this smart was because he took his Moon's intelligence for himself rather than this being a display that Sun can be just as smart as Moon on his own? If that's what that's implying then that feels annoying to me personally I wonder what the device is, if it's just spyware of if its a weapon or a way to puppet Eclipse around? Whatever it is it certainly is not good

aah yea- maybe is that, im used to see him getting away, so when his ass is put in a place of danger, and his voice goes low, his hiss of anger and fear mix up, OHOHOH! also yes yes- the creepy factor is finally ! FINALLY! back! I just wonder what is this dimention has that makes him want to spy on us? like why? I do think is both a bomb? and cameras, maybe even a code that will make Eclipse his personal bot.. in any case, makes Eclipse tables turn in such a way.. it may force him to ask for help once again.. mh also yes IS CHEAP! Sun can be smart as a Moon! I dont like that fact he "took his Moon smartness- I rather think he tooks his FILES, that makes sense, he took "moons books" but he HE is smart by his own! I disliked that, makes it look bad for other Sun's then again.. he is compared to evil Morty and if, I recall, Evil Morty was one that just got too much info and updates , so much so his Rick didnt noticed him going rogue.. eh what ever the case is, is clear he is the cheap "good guy gone wild" well! we can just assume being two AI, it was only natural one would take all from the other, smartness doenst need to be "only for one!" :D

[katy-133]

Clues Rick Prime and C-137 Knew Each Other

[This post is copy/pasted/remixed from multiple reblog posts I wrote for the Rick C-137 & Prime Masterpost on Rick and Morty. I'm putting my thoughts in its own post for organisational purposes.]

Verbal Evidence

Let's look at verbal clues. There is verbal evidence that C-137 and Prime had history together in the past.

"Forgetting the Ice Cream":

During the "forgetting the ice cream" conversation with Beth, C-137 also adds, "One thing to keep in mind, though. It's not just your own ice cream you're forgetting. It's your family's. If you forget it too much, you start having to keep secrets." Which could be interpreted that he kept Prime a secret from his family (kid!Beth and Diane), causing a strain, leading to a falling out between C-137 and Prime.

"The only person we like."

In the (fake) season 3 backstory, Prime says to C-137: "'Lonely'? Dude, you have yourself. Your infinite selves! It's a nonstop party where all the guests are the only person we like."

So here Prime isn't just admitting that likes himself, and by extension, C-137. He uses the word "we." Not, "The only person I like." He's referring to both of them as equals.

"He's the real deal."

When Morty asks C-137 about Prime, C-137 says: "For you to be bait, the guy'd have to value something. He truly doesn't give a shit. He's the real deal."

This is a line a character would say if they know Prime. (Or know about Prime by reputation.) This isn't something you say about someone you met once unexpectedly. It infers that C-137 knew him well.

Parallels

Mr. Nimbus Parallel

C-137 refers to Mr. Nimbus as his "nemesis". In the season 5 episode he appears in, Mr. Nimbus tells C-137: "Before you were my greatest enemy, you were my only friend."

In the Rick-goes-to-therapy season 6 episode, a bunch of villains come to fight C-137, while C-137 tries to find a way to get rid of them without fighting them. C-137 establishes that he doesn't like the idea having a nemesis-type supervillain to fight every episode. He doesn't like how they've just dropped in and are using him like a "platform." But C-137 will fight a nemesis who he has a past history and relationship with.

C-137 refers to one other person as a nemesis: Prime.

"Rick and Morty season seven. Hunting my nemesis."

Side note to add to the parallel: Like Prime, Nimbus also apparently knew Diane:

Mr. Nimbus: "If Diane were alive today, what would she think--" C-137: "Don't f**king establish canonical backstory with me!"

(idk how relevant that is for this section, but I'm including it in case it helps build a timeline for others.)

Crowscare Parallel

(Season 5) When he finds out that the two crows betrayed him, Crow Rick says: "At least 'adventuring' was just a metaphor for romantic partnership so it's not a real breakup."

Someone else pointed this out on YouTube, not me, but the way Crowscare's acting was animated made it look like a metaphor (through visual shorthand) for getting caught cheating (holding the map up to try and hide himself = pulling up a bedsheet to hide in a romcom drama). And Crowscare says, "Crow Rick! Oh, I know what this must look like--"

This adds to the Birdperson parallel by OP above, where C-137 offers portal travel (adventuring) to Birdperson (in response to being in love with him), and Prime offering portal travel to C-137.

[chaunceyalone]

Log Day 11:

Tory, Rick, Summer, and Jerry all didn't know what they were doing with their lives when they were... some approximately of the age I'm supposed to be. Or they don't know now, if they're roughly my age. Beth had some ideas, but her life is different now than she thought it would be. Skittle and Effie still seem to have the most solid idea of what they want to be doing.

Rick says I don't need to have anything solid yet, and I think he's right, but I do at least need to know if I should be in school or not. I also feel, well, I'm extremely welcome here, but for how long? It's not fair to Beth and Jerry to have to help raise a child soldier. They never agreed to that. Even if Rick and Skittle insist that it's fine, I just don't see myself staying here for years and years.

Plus, I've spent my whole life being told what to do and going with the only option. Choosing to reach out to Skittle was my first deviation from that, yes, but I should have more than one in my life. Skittle offered his house to me, but I feel like I need to find my own path, at least a little bit. I can't always stay with the most convenient pick.

Skittle is too close to Autumn and Mortimer for this to be safe, anyway. It's not like I don't trust her, but knowing she's going to spend all day with them tomorrow does make me nervous. What if she slips up and misspeaks? What if he accidentally mentions how many Mortys are living in his house somehow? I wasn't brave enough to ask about getting a gift together either. It's okay. He'd probably hate it as much as he hates me.

Sometimes I wish everything would just come to light so I didn't have this terrible dread hanging over me anymore. I don't actually want that, obviously, because I don't wanna die, but I just... I don't know. I'm still tired. It still feels like I'm gonna wake up in militia cot or like I died on a mission four years ago. I don't know, something like that.

Plenty of time to figure it all out, I suppose. I just feel bad about Rick and Skittle and Beth and Jerry and Effie and Summer hosting me and not being able to really make up for it and not having a plan for when I'm going to be able to get out of their hair.

End Log Day 11

[snakedog-exe]

huh total night-posting on the topic of "socially acceptable" mental illnesses and those tiktoks with kids being like "I came here for a mental breakdown now I think it wasn't that serious"

So I'll ramble under the cut about personal stuff - what is this Tumblr but an informal journal for myself anyways

I have had something Deeply Wrong with me for such a long time and after a complete shattering of my mind was I able to get it diagnosed and could start managing it, processing and healing

When I told people in my closest social circle at the time i quickly realized it was A Fucking Mistake. hey, here's my very serious diagnosis of being schizophrenic, I'm telling you all because I trust you and I need support

Suddenly people in my DMs "I think I hear voices too what are yours like? Mines named so and so" and I have to stress this that it wasn't somebody also with this issue coming to me for insight. Multiple people suddenly started identifying with me and leaning *into* it.

My ex who I was with at the time started saying "I think there's something wrong with me too I'm also paranoid" and then used that as a reason he couldn't work. He actually took my explanations for what I was going through and used my experience to get approved for disability through his work. I would wander the streets at night and hide under random cars because I could feel myself being followed. Like my ex is a whole story on his own but I was so genuinely unwell and he literally just used that to do even LESS for me than ever.

My friends started trying to probe about my voices and if they have identities and what was going on in my head and then it didn't take long until they had DID and were kinning characters. (which is not a diss on people with DID or who kin characters. in this specific situation, however, it was deeply uncomfortable.) Meanwhile I couldn't sleep at night because of the faces and because I could swear there were cameras in the walls and before I realized it I couldn't even tell them these things because they'd already packaged up my problem as being cute and quirky. what was my horrifying daily existence became this weird...quirky topic.

It's a really isolating experience. And all that to say I wouldn't undermine that those ex-friends truly did need therapy or help but when I told them my diagnosis they just took it a step further and saw it as a label for some identity and it truly felt like they made it about themselves.

Like my life was already spiraling out of control and now whenever someone asks me "so what are the voices like?" I just immediately cringe regardless of intent. I completely stopped being open about it because of shit like this. I wish I wasn't unnerving to be around and off putting. Yeah some of my stranger moments are funny in retrospect (thanks, Rick and Morty inspired delusional outbursts at 2am) but I still wish they never happened and I never did them.

And I don't mind leaning into being a weirdo. But leaning into my mental illness is totally separate territory. And it was a strange experience to feel, over time, like somebody was just trying to co-opt my identity, multiple times.

I know that of course some of that could be elevated by the paranoia but that's why I've sat and run through everything start to finish multiple times.

anyway all that to say that yeah, I believe people genuinely think mental illness is just a series of quirks. it's not just kids either but full grown adults. maybe they don't consciously think "it's just quirky" but the versions of mental illness they are comfortable with in their head only go that far. idk I am very sleepy

also glad my ass is back on tumblr. it's as anonymous a social media as I can get anymore, and I love feeling like I'm talking into a fuckin void of nothing, but still leaving a speck of me behind somewhere on the internet. honestly at the end of the day I just want to talk about my experience with my mental illness, but without... all of that. and without making others uncomfortable. like I feel like I have a few people I could absolutely DM them about stuff but I also feel it would put them in a tough spot. so God bless Tumblr dot com

[countlessrealities]

Hey Morty and Summer how do you feel about Chance, anyway

Unprompted asks || Always accepting !

The Smith siblings exchange a look at the question, as if to check if the other wants to go first. They have thought for that spot way too many times not to be expecting some competition whenever the chance is presented.

In this particular case, however, the matter is quickly and quietly sorted as Summer shrugs, as a way of saying that Morty can start. After all, her brother is the one who has the closest connection with chance, so it's fair for him to go ahead.

If Morty is a little surprised by Summer's quick and easy surrender, he doesn't show it. He just looks excited, even if it's to tell if it's because he gets to speak first for once or because he's looking forward to share his thoughts on Chance.

"I-I think he's great! H-He's so cool and nice and badass an-and he's always patient with me. He teaches me things, n-never get upset if I ask him to explain something again or-or if I get distracted while we're doing stuff together," the boy starts to rant, words tumbling out of his mouth a little too quickly.

Still, even if it might not seem, he's being careful and watching his tongue. The temptation to say that Chance is better company and a better mentor than Rick is bugging him from the back of his mind, but he ignores it. If he were to voice that thought, he would regret it. Not just because the scientist would most likely do something petty in retaliation, but also because it's not true.

Chance's company is more pleasant, and that's undeniable, but the bond he and Rick have just can't be topped. For better or for worse.

"W-We get along really an-and I thinks that he actually likes talking to me?" And isn't that a first. Usually people engage him in conversation only if they have no other choice. "I-I mean, I talked to him when he was Clarissa's too, b-but...I don't know. T-Talking to Chance is easier? I-I think it's because he's more...you know. A-At peace with himself and his past. C-Clarissa struggled a lot more an-and it made me wish I could do something more to help..."

His voice trails off for a moment, as his expression sobers up a little. He remembers very clearly each and every conversation he and Clarissa have shared, and he can recall just as clearly how much they cost her. However, this isn't about the gloomy past. He wants to talk about how amazing Chance is, because he deserves it, after everything he has gone through and overcome.

"H-He helped me with...he helped me figuring out some stuff an-and I really appreciate it b-because even when he was, uh, pushing me out of my comfort zone, h-he was nice about it, you know? An-And he talked it out with me, i-if I started to panic a little."

He still feels a little stupid to have made such a big deal about his romantic orientation, especially considering what his life is made of and the people in them, but he is also sure that it would have taken him much longer to make peace with it without the man supporting him.

"I-I guess it's nice to be understood? An-And wanted without second aims. B-By someone who's much smarter and better than me." After so many years or being, at most, everyone's second choice, being pick first feels good. "I-I learnt a lot of stuff from him. An-And got to show him what I-I can already do. U-Usually no one...really bothers with it, so..."

Not to mention that Clarissa / Chance have been sort of open to share a very personal trauma of theirs not to make him feel alone.

"B-But, uh, what I meant to say is...C-Chance is a wonderful person. H-He's suffered a lot, b-but he still has...a lot to give, you know? An-And he doesn't shy away from that, b-because he wants to be the one w-who decides what defines him. I-I...He's a model for me. I-I hope that, one day, I'll be at least half as brave as he is."

A small, almost shy smile curls his lips as he finishes and he fidgets in his spot, like he's expecting to be criticised or mocked for what he has said. He doesn't think that Chance himself would, of course, but he knows the rest of his family too well.

Thankfully, Summer seems to have paid little attention to his speech because, aside from the occasional eyeroll, she hasn't tried to voice her opinion on what he has said. She's obviously too focused on figuring out what she should say. That means that he'll be spared...for a few hours, at least.

"Chance is, like, fun to be around? I guess. He's more Morty's friend, he doesn't hang out with me as often." Just as Rick. She's starting to wonder what about her idiot brother gets him the attention of the coolest people of the multiverse. "But we did some stuff together. Went to the movies, gamed against each other, he carried my bags at the mall...Stuff like that."

She can see that Chance wants to be in her life, just as Clarissa has tried to be, but things are...different now. It has nothing to do with gender, it's a matter of changed priorities and behaviours.

"I'm not saying that I liked him more as Clarissa than I do now, because I know that they're, like, the same person. And I'm super happy that he found himself and that he's feeling okay with who he is. Like, about time. Morty is right, he deserves to have a good life. It's just..."

Her voice trails off again, as she tries to find the way to put her thoughts into words without sounding utterly pathetic. The last thing she wants is to come off as a whiny attention-seeking brat. Still, she is a little resentful about Chance favouring Morty, even if not as much as Rick does.

"I guess Clarissa and I just hit off better," she ends up saying, with a little shrug. "Even if Chance doesn't take is too badly when I call him 'step-grandpa'. Clarissa always got either annoyed or uncomfortable."

And, sure, Clarissa hadn't really been in a relationship with her Rick, but other Rick was her Rick too, in a way, so that still counted as Clarissa dating her grandfather.

"And then there's the whole hormone thing." She rolls her eyes. "I already have to deal with Morty jerking off everywhere in the house, Grandpa Rick, both of them, bring home his hook-ups for the night so he can fuck them in the garage...Not to mention how they are constantly all gross with each other. Then there's Dad trying to act 'progressive' and saying, like, the cringest things ever."

She almost shudders at the memory, but she manages to recover her cool quickly, as per usual.

"I really didn't need to add a horny step-grandpa to the list. He's wheezing out as many hormones as my brothers. I don't mean, like, any offence, but yikes."

{ @dynamoprotocol - mentioned }

[mortytheestallion]

tasting glass

Part 2   Part 3

Rating: 18+ (No minors); explicit 

Wordcount: 1.6k

Warnings: Rick Sanchez x F!Reader, angst, implied age gap, unprotected sex, daddy kink

A/N: Hello I’m back from the dead, I know I’ve been lacking on both fandoms but my hyperfixations have died. In honor of season 5 here’s a new little mini-series I’m challenging myself to this summer! This takes place in between episodes 2 and 3!

The summer heat was humid and sticky as Rick finished his latest project. The sweltering seemed to permeate the garage just the same with the door opened or closed, and with Beth and Jerry’s latest fight reaching its peak, he decided hiding away was his best bet. 

Rick and the heat did not get along well, something that translated to the rest of the family, it felt as though he was fending off Summer and Morty with a stick. Their boredom was not his problem though, he had much better things to do. The thought of slipping away had plagued his mind for the last few hours, but the fever of the summer seemed to make his mind feel like syrup. 

“What I wouldn’t fucking give for a pool right now?” Rick murmured to himself, his brow furrowing at the reminder of his own sticky misery. The sky bathed the house in a silky red with the sun slipping down under the horizon. He took another sip from his flask, turning to lean on the workbench. 

He heaved a deep sigh as his phone caught the corner of his eye, you were ignoring him, and in true Rick fashion he had taken that in stride. His eyes narrowed unconsciously as he thought about it, his empty hand tightening into a fist. He didn’t fucking need you.

 He didn’t need anybody.

Beth’s shrill voice cut through the air followed by some thuds and an “Ow!” from Jerry. That earned an eye roll from Rick and while he wouldn’t mind going in there and tearing them a new one, it was too much work. Morty was breathing down his neck about letting them be, that they were happy. He had scoffed when Morty said that, it was bullshit and he wouldn’t be surprised if someone wanted another divorce in the next 6 months. 

Nonetheless, he was stuck in this stuffy house with his family’s bullshit to avoid your bullshit and he was starting to feel suffocated. Why did he give a shit if you were mad, fuck if you wanted to play that game so would he. Maybe it was the liquor he had just downed but it really didn't take much to get Rick riled up. And you knew that. 

He could feel the anger blooming in his chest, he wasn’t some fucking teenager in a petty fight with some dumb, little girlfriend. Suddenly he was hot with anger and before he knew it, a portal was in the center of the floor and he was walking through. Damned be his new fibermesh epidermis defense, and fuck his family, always asking him for shit. 

One foot through he stopped and thought of you briefly softening, he had been pretty rough on you lately. You called, he declined. You showed up, he went out the nearest portal. He had really only been around lately to take care of his own needs.

A particularly loud curse from inside the house brought him right back to his original train of thought, he was the smartest man in the universe, he didn’t need to take crap from you. You should be thanking him for his presence in your life. 

“You have some fucking nerve.” 

You shrieked as Rick pulled back the shower curtain. A cold shower was one of the better ways to fend off the heat with the air conditioner broken, especially since Rick had moaned, groaned, and wormed his way out of fixing it. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” You hissed as he climbed in fully clothed, his brow in a prominent V-shape, lids half mast. It would have been comical in any other situation, his lanky body struggling to fit in your small shower, an almost bored expression on his face as the water drenched his clothes. 

“Me?” Rick scoffed, and narrowed his eyes at you. He began to lose his composure a bit, having your wet naked body in front of him. 

“Yes, you. You can’t just barge in here unannounced anymore Rick. I’m not some toy you can pick up when you’re bored and throw it away when you’re not.”

He feigned a hurt look, shrugged the now soaked coat from his shoulders. “I have enough toys, sweetheart, if you were one you’d know.”

That earned a huff from you, it had been a long day and the last thing you needed was Rick’s bullshit. Turning back to face the water, you rinsed the rest of the soap off of you, jumping slightly as his arms snaked their way around your waist. 

“C’mon,” he murmured, pressing kisses to your shoulder, you could feel the hard press of cold denim against your ass as he ground into you, “you know you can’t refuse my huge dynamite penis.” 

That earned a snort from you, the hard shell of anger cracking slightly. “You’re not off that easy, Rick. You’ve been a huge asshole lately, even more than usual.” 

His hands came up to massage your breasts, the feeling amplified by the cold water. You let out a low moan as he latched his mouth to the sweet spot on your neck while one hand tweaked your nipple, and the other snuck its way down to stroke your fluttering core. 

“S-shit baby you can’t still —is this all for me?” You could feel his wolfish grin against the back of your neck, and in return you arched your back more to grind against his erection. His long fingers trace through your folds as he removes his other hand to undo his belt, you feel the tight heat in your lower belly as you gush around his fingers. 

“Fuck,” Rick murmurs, stopping his motions momentarily to land a hard smack on your ass. You bite back a whine, wanting to maintain some semblance of composure, despite him being knuckle-deep in you. His fingers suddenly press against something deep and spongy within you, your knees buckle as you lurch forward, the unexpected waves of pleasure shivers down your body. Rick lets out another curse, his arm darting out to grip your waist, surely you would’ve fallen face-first into the wall had he not been holding you up.

He inhales sharply as you clench around his fingers, whispering good girl into your neck as you ride it out. He eases out of you, your juices dripping down your thighs, the feeling coupled with the uncomfortable chill of the water makes you shudder. 

“You’re a dirty little slut,” you tense again as he aligns himself to your entrance, still a little sensitive from your release, “beg me baby, I-I want to hear you.”

You mewl as he pushes into you, the stretch rides the line of pleasure and pain, Rick barely gives you enough time to get used to it before he bucks his hips and grips your jaw as a warning, “Beg.”

“Please, Rick, I want — I want you to fuck me,” your voice comes out whiny making you wince a bit, but it seems to please Rick as he sets a deep pace, biting into your neck hard enough it's sure to leave a mark.

You can’t help but arch your back even further, this seems to please him as he releases his bite on your neck, “Someone’s eager, y-you can’t seem to get enough of my dick can you?” You moan in response, snaking a hand down to rub the tender bundle of nerves. 

You clench at the contact, leading Rick to fasten his pace, his hand moving to tighten around your neck. 

“You’re my — you’re daddy’s good girl aren’t you? Can’t get enough of m-my monster cock, you wanna come don’t you? Don’t fucking dare, not until I say so.”

All you can manage is incoherent moans with the occasional Rick! thrown in, you’re too cockdumb to be embarrassed or angry anymore. Rick has his way of getting out of trouble, especially with you. 

His brutal pace coupled with your own fingers becomes too much for you as you near your second orgasm, Rick seemed to egg you on as his own fingers replaced yours, you could feel your stomach tightening as your release began to stir in the peak of your stomach. 

“Come on my dick, baby, let the neighbors hear you scream my name.”

The pleasure washes over you in waves, your pussy clenching hard around his dick, he thrusts with wild abandon chasing his own release. You can feel him rut against your sensitive walls, riding your post-orgasmic haze. He spills inside you a few moments later letting out a string of expletives in true Rick fashion. You feel yourself stir again slightly as you feel him fill you up, but Rick extracts himself from you gracelessly. 

Coming back to your senses you rinse the mixture of juices off your legs, much to Rick’s distaste, and turn off the water. You shiver from being drenched for so long, side-eyeing Rick as he avoids your gaze. 

“You’re dripping on my floor,” you murmur, he stands there uncomfortably, it's not lost on you that his portal gun has returned to his hand.

“Well, I-I should go.”

“Typical.”

Rick can feel the anger simmer low in his belly at your dig, “What do you mean typical?”

“Well let’s see Rick, you show up angry and unannounced, seduce me in my show—” “I didn’t seduce you! And —and frankly, I resent the accusation!” “And now you’re leaving with no explanation. This isn’t sustainable long term, Rick.”

“And what makes you think I want to be here long term,” He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, a hurt look flashes across your face before it's replaced with anger. 

“Come on, baby, I-I didn’t mean it.” 

He reaches out for you and you jerk backwards, “Your family may have taken you back, but I’m not this time Rick.” 

He opens his mouth, but you cut him off, “Just go, it’s what you’re best at.”

Rage blinds him as he shoots a portal to the floor, “Don’t — I’m not coming back this time.”

“I know you're not.” And with that he’s gone.