#(i have never talked to them in my life i dont wven talk in the classs what the fuck did i do)

[walnutcookie]

Not my fault tho

[thatguylucass]

I find it difficult to empathize with someone's decision to end things with you. You are an incredible person, and they are undeniably losing out on the opportunity to be with you. I simply can’t understand why someone would be so close to marrying you and just bail.- H

Haha, that is very sweet of you to say but dear annon I trully am no saint..

Its been a while since I have spoken about that relationship but I will provide some context. When I was 13 I meet someone, we will call them… Kitkat.

TW: Mentions of abuse, Suicide, self harm and abusive relationships

Kitkat was a year older than me, and of course we meet online. Maybe I was young and stupid but i fell so hard for this guy it was insane, we would talk 24/7 and we where so close, we became best friends. A year later i confessed and got friendzoned, but a month later after i had tried datibg someone he said he liked me and we started dating.

The relationship was extremely toxic. I came from a background that made me be very clingy and obsessive so anything i did i mean, Anythibg i would ask him, it was as if they where the only reason I could live. This is why i dobt belive he was fully to blame as I didn’t know what real love was like.

Kitkat obviously became abusive, he enjoyed the control and it got to his head. So he went from a good person who was hurt due to religious trauma and abusive parents to becoming the abuser,. It was like the both of us where hurting eachother as years went by. I wanted to be saved and someone to tell me how to live, while kitkat wanted someone who would never leave them and love them unconditionally.

My bestfriend saw this and things started to go hay wire very soon. I started to self harm anytime kitkat would get mad at me, (mostky because they were trying to make thibgs stop) soon i stopped doing things I loved. KitKat on the other hand became more aggressive and controlling.

We broke up around 3 times i think before things ended fulkt. The first time was when I was 17, the day of my birthday. When I tell you i lost it, i really did. I attempted suicide and felt like i couldn’t live without them, The second time was a few mouths later, and third time was a few months before I turned 18, I belive 5 months before covid started, what made it different the last time was that, I ended things, well mostly my best friend wrote everything and I just sent it while crying.

It was hard. I will say, and kitkat still comes back from time to time, i would be lying if i didn’t say i didn’t love him, but.. together we hurt eachother. Being out the worst in eachother.

i am 22 now and i am still trying to process what that was. I mean last time I spoke to kitkat i was 20.

I dont know if I blame him, but i also dont blame myself. After all i never meet this guy in person in my life, all these years of suffering and pain was through a screen. I just think the two of us where young and stupid. There was nothing at all, nada. the marrige thing he mentioned it once when I was 17 and every day i started to go to the airport waitibg for him to come, hoping he would one day arrive in my own delusion. He never did of course, how would he, he was just 18 and mentioned it off hand never confirmed it. But to me it felt real.

I guess I was just far too into him for my own good, i mean he was the reason i moved to Canada so that we could live together there. but I suppose I never trully left Canada. What life does to you, huh?

But oh well, I can just laugh about it, The wounds are old scars for now lol, have a funny picture of me when i was 18 to brighten up your day

wven back them i was a funny guy, some thibgs never change XD

[coffeesleep-ooc]

Kachina’s name is funny

Its 2 am and i cant stop thinking about this and i need to get it out bc every single time i look at her name i think of this and can’t even enjoy the storyline aaaaaa lmao

So! We’ve seen that genshin has a history of making up the most bizarre names ever, like idek what happened after inazuma or if sumeru’s names are this funny (idk much about the region it’s inspired in so forgive me for being uneducated), BUT, i do know this: there’s a poor npc in fontaine literally called Book, just Book, wtf genshin, there’s a lot of npcs and pplcalled weird things, and with Natlan that’s wven more obvious that while genshin team does great stuff for plotlines and inspiration for each region, they just say WHATEVER WHEEEEE for names. Bc, who calls themselves/their children Boba? Like wtf?! I’m not even mad about it just why??

I play the game in spanish btw, and Boba is like calling yourself silly or stupid, a friend told me that the English equivalent was also something along those lines so we know this is on purpose? Again wtf lmao

Then there’s the npc called Umi, isn’t that ocean in japanese? And said npc is from the ocean tribe dont get me wrong, if we want to make an accurate “inspiration” from America (America is a continent, ill throttle the person that says its a country thanks) it makes sense to have lots of names that come from different places bc we do have a mix of cultures that resulted in today’s life, but it doesn’t make any sense in Natlan’s whole description, bc these ppl are described as ppl that don’t go out of their country at all? They do receive visitors and i imagine one or two would probably want to stay but it’s still strange, noted, Umi is not the only strange name i’ve seen but i dont keep a notebook with all of genshin’s lore/plot/naming/etc holes bc i would have to make it a full time job. So far a couple things make no sense to me, BUT ALSO! Natlan is culturally rich and filled with stuff i approve, i mean, i like it so far, the legends, myths and way of interaction between characters is rivh and meaningful, i especially loved a quest about a shadow needles bc it felt like revisiting old myths from my memory!

the main quest relating to Kachina is also very interesting and despite it being complete fiction, the way the underworld is constructed is also reminiscent of myths and legends - ik its not called underworld, sorry, its 2am i forgot the name - that place felt to me like one of the scary tales ppl traditionally tell each other but with a very Teyvat element mixed in, and that’s good in my book

there’s also the apparent mix of maya, inca and aztecas in culture and storytelling? And its also true that America has more stories about wars and warriors known to ourselves and the rest of the world? I’d probably have much more to say about this if i had slept, but there are no towns named Fighting soul in my country for no reason, which i find funny and sad af bc wars are shitty excuses to steal and do awful awful things, but whatever. There’s also the way they captured the behavior of ppl in the coasts, kudos to them for that, obviously things irl are not always that good or pretty and some parts of America do have a lot of poverty bc corruption is also shit, but it is true that ppl (i’ve met) in the coast is much mote laidback than in the city, more prone to random music and parties and dancing, big big parties too, the surf part i have never seen in my country so no comments there

some stuff (like the food) is a bit so so for me (im still wondering where shrimp tacos were invented wtf, there’s also too much corn which i find hilarious), and im not even gonna talk about the saurian stuff bc his post is already long enough without talking about Kachina

anyways! in general i really liked it.

now, why is Kachina a weird name for me?

Bc my mother tongue is Spanish

the thing is, idk how many countries with spanish as their main language would have this two problems (or three…maybe)

nunber 3 and less important is the K, it’s overused in Natlan and i find it funny bc many ppl here use the c instead, the k it’s actually more rare in names unless your name is Katheryn or unusual (i once heard the name Ikza and I believe its cool, just not common)…just a thought but: Quinich sounds too much like Quiche so that’s why ill allow Kinich but the qu is way more vommon

number 2 the Ka is just fine, but the China. I just…China is a countey and I can’t help but think of it! Especially bc in spanish it aounds the exact same

number 1 and my biggest concern wity her name, and this is way more personal but I JUST CANT UNSEE IT! In my country we sometimes refer to young ppl as chino or china which is also the way to call ppl from China (probably not coincide but I haven’t researched why this happened to the slang in the first place) so maybe when someone is not listening to you or when they are being tricky or hot headed its bot rare flr someone else to say “¡Este chino/a!” Like saying “this little troublemaker!” Or smth like “¡esta china no hace caso!” Which means “this girl won’t listen/obey!” You could even say “la china de allá” which would mean you are pointing to a girl that is most definitely not chinese but it’s in your field of vision

its not used to denigrate anyonebut it is commonly used as slang by both adults and kids, sometimes even elderly will use it but in more informal situations…

this is why, it feels so damn weird to keep reading and hearing Kachina, sometimes i think im reading ‘pa aca china” kinda “come here kid” and other times im reading the equivalent of ka-girl

I obviously don’t blame the developers or genshin team for not knowing this (i do blame them for Poisson-Fish, Livre-Book, Boba-Silly, etc etc) but i just cant unsee it, even in serious situations its so weirdly funny and awkward

im re-baptizing her Kachi in my mind

someone save me from this misery 😂😂😂😂

[joculatrixster]

thank you for replying! -i understand where youre coming from but i feel like some of the points you brought up about scott can't just be boiled down to homophobia if that makes sense- like people see scott as calculated because he calls making allies/friendships a 'social game' etc . and obviously grian and joel berating and teasing jimmy also isn't entirely fine but i think toxicity in the context of an alliance vs a canon-explicit marriage should be weighed differently, but ultimately im not sure that grian is actually necessarily "worse" than scott; while i think grian and joel and jimmy do have an unbalanced dynamic alot of the 'berating' between them is more like 'jimmy you idiot you died to xyz' whereas with scott in 3l it felt a bit more manipulative likewhen scott purposely placed something to scare jimmy and then made fun of him for being scared but. idk

also i think everyone understands that they're friends in real life and nothing ccjimmy is actually uncomfortable with would make it into a video but this is just to think about/interpret their characters within the context of the roleplay/storyline

again this isnt meant as an attack or anything at all - i just wanted to talk about why some people would have a different interpretation of fh!

thats fair, i read ur reply when i was busy i dont remember it well but honestly a fair take ^-^b i dont think it ALL is sorry i didnt make it clear i think the reason its POPULAR is bc scott fans r not rlly the ppl doing this its jimmy fans who dominate the fandom way more, but the fact irs happening to the gay guy IS weird and something to raise a brow to especially when there r more weird extreme fans who take it wayyy too far

it feels unbalanced to me bc it is, grian and joel have more fans in the life series rlly than scott bc most scott fans r just not life series postinfg, so when grian or joel does something mean to others in a similar vien its seen less in a negative light. im going off of memory so forgive me if i get a bit fuzzy w it

scott teases jimmy their friendship is kinda rivalry type thing its rlly just how they r, but ppl r not as used to it which is understandable too. idrc if ppl think scott is a bit manipulative hes just like. vilinized for it or seen as cold when he clearly still cares for his allies? he sacrificed SO much time in lil, he let ppl kill him in secret life, i wish i saw ppl rlly speak more on those better parts of him but also its just more normalized to intpret his actions more cold than it is for say grian who could be seen as cold for how easy he sheds alliances.

every intpretation is fine but w scott it genuinely goes into character bashing territory or just making him the stand in vilian jimmy needs to be saved from in fandom spaces which is agian fine if it happened to other characters who r similarly manipulative or calculating(martyn, scar, impulse even...) but deadass ive never seen anyone but scott put in such a position. which is weird. to me. especially when framed as him being bashed or vilinized for his straight friend who ppl hc he abuses like...ok. but where is the same energy for scar who is deadass evil af in 3rd life and limited life..? scar who destroys the ranch and kills his mother and doesnt apologize for either??? is it bc ppl just like him more so it makes more sense wven he does manipulative stuff??? martyn who is notoriously devisive for his ending and playstyle but in fics like its not great but he tends to not be as hated or put in the same level of bashing pll do for scott? hes prob the closest ive seen to the way scott is seen as an easy stand in vilian but i have not seen it as bad for him?

tho anon no not everyone understands there is a group of ppl who genuinely think scott in real life is an abusive person and actually that inspired my original post bc pll said w their whole chest they think scott is bad and makes jimmy uncomfortable

sorry if this is jumbled the other anon message is turning me into the joker...i get what u mean and i DO think its naunced but ppl REFUSE to acknowledge how weird it can feel for others to see and while i do think there r other factors...this fandom has leaned into homophobia for scott especially more frindge jimmy fans, sorry i think i mixed up a lot of things in my replys i was busy and also i genuinely dont care enough about tumblr anon posting to explain every naunce of an issue ie why i put pearl as a tag on bc the mysongy of all that is not for today thank u ^-^b

[theuniverseawakens347]

Hard pill to swallow… Zoe grownish diaries…

Ya learning new culture thru REAL RICH HISTORY… okay… keep what ya like and KNOW.. study what makes you uncomfortable…

Like Russia being Africa .. ya hate white ppl… no YOU HATE YOU LET SOMEONE LITTLE MAN YOU INTO SOMETHING YOU DIDNT FEEL GOOD RIGHT THINK WAS RIGHT… its not about race,

Its intentions …

Is IT WAS ABOUT RACE I WOULDNT HAVE WANTED RACES OF THE CULTURE TO BE MADE AND SHARED… its just lee got a little too heavy handed in wanting to BE IN CONTROL …

Ya feel powerless when ya take someone’s creation and make it “better”

WRITERS PRODUCERS .. how many of Yal work together come in w two ideas .. ya both feel good on ya own then together ya leave feeling like “damn I got short change so ima go do this over there w them to feel big again”.. GLOBAL HISTORY… COLONIALISM ALL OVER ..

Goes back to post … why I let Lee “kill me”

YA NEEDED A REASON TO LEARN YA TRUE SELF AGAIN .. A A REASON TO BELIEVE IN GOD FOR THE FIRST TIMERS

Some of you celebrities getting past life memories back.. TEYANNA and Jess hilarious YA THE SAME PERSON ONE NEW TO EATHER JESS THE OTHER BEEN HERE BEFORE AND CONTINUE THE SAME DUMB SHIT .. Lee. Clive.

GODS MAGIC MADE YA COME OUT TUNNEL OF LIFE : VAGINA .. space .. all symbolic dance of life .. YA ALREADY IN SUPPORT GROUPS .. cause YA BUTAINED GODS BRAIN… LESSON DONT DO THAT DUMB SHIT AGAIN… duh. Tf.

Then ya trickle what celebrities know about gods n past life into the “regular” population but dilute it sooo bad around the globe but those who are MY CREATIONS AT FULL but washed out by propaganda YA KNOW WHATS GOOD.

Ya read the Bible and use the word of god to manipulate UR SATANS CHILD YOU GO FOR GOOD. AWAYSESS ..

— Elmo shrug—-

SOME DONT DESERVE MULTIPLE CHANCES.. Jess ya baby nephlim.. w teyana genes YA DID FOR GRIMY MEANS .. 2 nd chance live til old to watch grow LALA MILAN TOO BUT NO MORE AFTER THAT ANTONY AT TAMBIEN..

JESSIE ORTIZ… ya talk show toxic ya syphon off energy and only want men around.. ya wan talk w me. No.

I SMELL FORGERY MILES AWAY UR PUNISHMENT FITS YA CRIMES. CRY BOOHOO ITS OKAY .. it sucks knowing “god don’t want you”.. but like IM A REPRESENTATION OF YOU CAUSE YOU A BULLY AND NEED BE SHUT DOWN.. also BUTAINED MY BRAIN LEE .. NOW MORTAL TALK BACK REAL BIG WVEN THO IM GOD… YA MYSCLE RELAX ME SO YOU CUD TAKE THESE PPL TO MY NEXT KINGDOM AND FUCKAROUND.. AND KEEP CONFUSING ME AND DARNIECE… THATS HOW WE GOT HERE … NO MORE.

PERGATORY ALL DIMENSION OF YOU AND I TOGETHER AND IM KILLING ALL OF YOU .. SOME LIVE TIL OLD AGE BUT YA NOT COMING BACK. I GAVE TOOOOOO MANY CHANCES AND YA STILL NO LEARN. IM DONE.

“But it’s not fair I didn’t know”… so ya get old age UNLESS YA DID SOME MURDERING AS SHIT FOR MONEY AND GAINS THEN DEATH IMMEDIATELY.. BUT IF YA GOT MENTALNISSUES NEVER DELT W I GIVE YA HEALING AND OEACE BEFORE YA GO …

It is what it is. ME LEARN TOO I DONT NEED TO PROVE MYSELF ANYMORE .. ya BUTAINED me Lee so I wouldn’t believe IM GOD .. I even put on my blog on when 613 appeared after my body building competition “that’s blasphemy “ nipsey as Tristen telecommunicate me w granny FLORANCE NO ITS NOT ITS MY TRUTH YA DUMB CUNT.

IM TAPPING IN W PPL WHO AINT SEEN ME SINCE I WAS 3-6 N THEY AINT SAY A LICK OVER MEDIA TO ME AND RANDOM PPL IM GIVING ME THINGS THEY NEED TO HEAR OR WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT AND WERE NOT SPEAKING A WORD.. THATS CAUSE FOR CONCERN ITS THE END OF THE WORLD.. LET IT HAPPEN STOP FIGHTING YA NEED THE HEALING …

Wouldn’t have been THIS UNCOMFORTABLE HAD YA TAKEN MY PRIVATE FACE TO FACE TALKS IN DECEMBER 2023 and TURNED ME OVER TO MY DAD THE ROCK AND SNOOP 2021 BEFORE PAYCHWARD YA LOSER BITCH.

YES GOD CUSS TF.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/rant

im really not great at the moment. i want to put out more fic and things, but I don’t want to burnout and fuck myself over. I have requests to get into, yet I just can’t get into writing anything besides short drabbles. I also wouldn’t call myself mentally stable at the moment. One second, I’m fine, but the next I’m just tunneling again and I hate it. I don’t tell anyone how I feel about anything because I don’t want them to worry. That ends up with me bottling up all of my feelings, and I also invalidate my feelings. I tell myself that I shouldn’t be complaining because I have this or that, and at least I can do this or that. Yes, that’s true, but I shouldn’t let it get to this point. I absolutely hate myself and I wish I wasn’t like this. I think I’m fat, I hate my feet (and how big they are), I hate my hair,(because I wish it would grow some) I hate my fucking skin discoloration, and I can’t do anything about it. People say “oh just practice self love” BUT I PHYSICALLY CANT DO THAT BECAUSE I HATE THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO LIE TO MYSELF TO BELIEVE SOMETHING. Writing feelings down doesn’t help, whatsoever because I think it’s pathetic that I can’t get my ass up and talk to someone about how I’m feeling like a normal fucking person. I hate the fact that I have too much anxiety, and can’t have regular thoughts without something awful coming after it. I wish I could take jokes, and understand why people play punch people like a normal person, but instead I get offended by literally everything. I don’t let other people touch me, I have to touch them, but in reality, I really want to them to be there because it means they care abut me. I think it’s foolish that I think people don’t care about me when they clearly do. I feel like I accidentally offend people, then hate myself because I might be causing them distress and I’m really not. I can’t share my own opinions with my family because my dad thinks being gay isnt in god’s light, my brother makes jokes about trans people, and my mom thinks gay people should “fit in with the rest of us and not be as obvious”. I hate the fact that I’m not a normal fucking straight kid who doesn’t have anxiety and overthinks, writes about characters on the internet. I sometimes just wish I wasn’t this much of a person because there’s so many things pointed against me from the beginning, but I just had to fuck up and admit to some more. My fucking boyfriend broke up with me last sunday and said he still loves me, but he isnt ready for a relationship which I totally understand, but I feel so fucking messed up about it. Are there rules for this shit? I can’t hear a plane without having dread course through my system, I think everything is loud, wven if it’s not. I hate the fact that I’m sensitive because how the fuck am I supposed to do things if I don’t understand things everyone does. I don’t even want to think about school because I DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM DECEMBER. and we have state tests coming up in april and im completely lost, and dont know what to do. I stick out so fucking much, why do I have to talk differently and dress differently. like different things than everyone else, listen to different things?? I feel like an outsider in my own fucking race because of the things I like and I fucking hate it. I hate myself for every single thing I do, and I can’t even be happy with my own fucking heritage. I have to fucking change and be different. I’m constantly upset, and if I’m not, I’m thinking about when I’m going to be upset next. I feel so out of place everywhere and I don’t know what to do about it. Every fucking fandom I’m in, I feel like the only black person, only black girl, I feel LIKE SHIT ABOUT IT.  Why can’t I just like regular things for kdis my age? I’m younger than everyone on here, my brain is fucked up, I JUST DONT KNOW ANYMORE. And I know suicide isn’t going to fix anything because everyone’ll be sad that I’m gone and everything. I just feel so fucked up and lost. I lost two friends because I was too fucking blind to see the signs of it being toxic (me being part of it) and I hate myself for it. I can never keep friends, and the ones I have, I can’t even fucking see them. And it’s my fault, I can’t keep friends because I can’t take certain things, or be a certain way. I can’t fucking take jokes (even if theyre racist ones and i shouldn’t take them but i hate myself for it anyway) It seems every time something seems to be on the uptick, life has to punch me in the gut and go “fuck you” and I’m back at square one. And I just can’t get a break long enough to unpack all of this. I’m so tired of all this. I need help.

[kalabiz]

with september so close. i feel. incredibly mad at myself. i spent the four months after trying so hard to just . remember. to fit things for myself. ive had to be quiet for so long. in the beginning i didnt know what questions to ask and so many people just didnt know what they should tell me. and once i started getting a better grip on the life i have. asking thise questions was just embarrassing? and mami and everyone just acts like nothing happened. we dont fucking talk about it or mention it. and with ash and ari and dani and destiny. its just not the same thing anymore. theres so many things ive pieced together that they just refuse to talk abt and say its in the past. well how can it be in the past if i dont even know about it? and its so upsetting to think about donovan and how he just couldnt handle what happened and now we’re just distant friends. like ill see u on instagram or send u a buzzfeed link once a month friends when it used to be me and him, two peas in a pod. and justin. im so good with justin now. how out of all people is justin now my best friend. i love him so much, but he just doesnt know everything. and i wont wven think about online because thats so upsetting. all the friends i have right now are people i just met or my friends from hs or njit. and thats just a shallow cersion if whsts happening with me.

the worst thing was being off tc and add in order to help my brain get to a neutral place gearing up for surgery once we saw that i had the benign tumor. like those were such bad emotional months. i know right now infeel crazy but ive never felt more displaced from my body. the one thing i am incrediblt grateful for is mami agreeing that i needed therapy after that psychiatrist recc’d it. like dr. lasater genuinely helped me sort out so much and my progress ti getting a tangible hold on my life would not have been in any way as good as it went. the days after the hospital. i wss so anxious to get a grip on my life to force myself to ease back into the person i was in september. isnt that fucking weird? i came back online and fought so hard with mami to just let me dtay at the dorms and stsrt the semester instead of delaying a semester or a year. who even does that. and i fought so hard to like the things i did. i like kpop and that stuff now. but in the beginning it was me just forcing myself to watch videos and learn in order to try to jog something in me.

and september and october i tried my best to text people and find out wjere i stood with them. for the leos and everyone back home i think we’re lnly ok now just because we didnt have to see eaxhother every day bc we all started uni and calls once a week was Enough. we didnt have a chance for it to get awkward and heavy. and honestly being friwnds with justin and kris made this so much easier. especially with meeting mo and the rest of njit crew. and then november hit and thats when it was like Woah its serious now . and i was scared of dying because my brain hurt so much and i was. so . empty and i stopped texting people and i decided ok im not gonna try like i was vefore what happens happens. and i just. i dont even think anyone from njcu or the frienfs ive made rn at uni know abt my health problems or the redacted. only my roomates because we had to sign the thingy saying they were aware or whatever. like its just not important anymore and its embarrassing. ive spent so many years hiding and keeping my tc seizures as lowkey as possible from pillow crew besides ashley. like redacred? not that big of a thing to hide. and how embarrasing is it to admit that it happened because u overdosed and ur body was alresdy in over drive and u dont even know Why you were suicidal. humiliatioooon my looove iand when december christmas thing happened and i had the seizure. that was terrifying because it was only three weeks until surgery and it felt like a nail in tbe coffin?

but its whatever now. ill never get those yesrs back and sometimes i still get scared when im trying to olace a memory or trying ti tell a story and its just blank. but its something . it feels okay now. and left hand tremor is always gonna be something u have to deal w bc of the surgery but at leadt i dont hesr those stupid fucking wind chimes anymore.

[mickeymccarthyarchive-blog]

sleepover || micktana

TAGGING → MICKEY MCCARTHY & SANTANA LOPEZ LOCATION → the mccarthy house. TIME FRAME → 5/4/17, late night. NOTES → Santana sleeps in Mickey’s room and she tells her about the family meeting, they discuss their relationship (kind of).

Mickey flopped onto the bed after she let Santana in - both of her siblings were gone to their respective significant others, and while she was okay, she was just tired and needed to know that there was someone who wasn't upset with her, "The look on Mads' face...it's like, she's so sad that I lied to her, you know?" She told her, sighing as she looked up at San, her blue-green eyes tired and sad. "And Mason...I knew that I had to be careful with Mason, but...I really upset him," she sighed.

Santana didn't really know what to say, she could tell Mickey was upset about their family talk they had. But she didn't want to make things any worst for her, she wanted her to know that she was on her side. She always would be. "It's my fault, you lied because of me. I'm sorry" She told her, and climbed onto the bed with her. "How did you upset Mason? Were they even understanding of why you had to lie to them?"

Mickey shook her head, "Stop, no, not your fault at all." Mickey tucked a piece of hair behind Santana's ear, "They were understanding of that, but it just...I think it made them feel bad anyway, you know? Sometimes you can understand something, but still not feel good about it...it's kind of why we broke up," she sighed. "I said something kinda insensitive and made Mason kinda retreat into himself - he does that sometimes when he gets nervous."

Last message was written 3 minutes ago

Santana still felt like it was her fault, her coming out seemed to cause a lot of tense lately. She didn't really care for it. Sighing as Mickey tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, she nodded. "I mean, I guess I get that. I hope they like..get over that part of you lying to them though. It wasn't because you wanted too, I just wasn't comfortable with them knowing yet. So I hope they realize that." she told her. "Is he going to be okay? Tensions were probably just high, and I am sure everything will be fine soon. I hope so anyways." Santana laid back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling before looking back over at Mickey beside her. "I thought it would feel better to have everyone know. But it just seems to be causing problems, for me..for you." she trailed off.

Mickey nodded, "I think he'll be fine," she decided after thinking for a moment. "And so will I - this isn't about me, Tana, this is about you. This is your journey," she said honestly, taking her hands and kissing them gently. "They know why I didn't tell them, and...I don't even think they're mad at you, really - or mad at me, just...confused. It'll be okay though." Mickey thought about the prospect of Santana going back into the closet, and the thought of it worried her beyond belief. "Don't go back in the closet because of how anyone else feels - I want you to be out if you're comfortable, and I want you to know that coming out will make things better in the long run, even if they're hard at first, I promise."

Santana smiled softly "Okay good. Masons a pretty cool dude, so it sucks that he's upset." Mickey always had a way of calming Santana down, merely by just being there with her. Shaking her head she laughed a bit "I am not going back in the closet, my family knows now. Theres no way I cant go back now." she assured her. "But I am only comfortable with a few people knowing right now. I told Emmy the other night when I stayed over. And Quinn knows now too. I guess that's a start, right?" she asked and gently bit down on her lip before looking over at the girl beside her, lacing their fingers together. "I'm glad you're here though, it helps."

Mickey nodded, "That's definitely a start," she said. "Of course I'm here, of course," she said, pulling her in and wrapping her tiny body around her. "You're so brave for letting anyone know, really - not everyone needs to know at once, believe me. My parents probably wouldn't even know if I hadn't told them the last time they decided to actually stick around for more than a day."

Santana "I know not everyone needs to know right now, but I wanted to tell them at least. They are my best friends, they deserve to know that at least." Santana cuddled into Mickey, relaxing a bit in her arms. "How did your parents take it when you told them? I told my mom about you though, she asked if you made me happy. It's really just Abuela I have to worry about and I don't want to go home anytime soon, is that terrible?"

Mickey nodded, "Yeah, that's what I meant," she said. "This information is for people you're comfortable with only for now, that circle will only get bigger," she promised. She thought back to sitting her parents down, both of them on their phones, not caring all that much. The only time they cared about anything was if it was going to embarrass them directly. "They didn't care much, but that's them with everything that doesn't involve them. They're narcissists, I gave up on them when me and the stunt doubles were about ten," she noted. "Also...it's not terrible, it's your way of healing."

Santana shrugged a little bit, smiling softly. "I know it will, eventually. And I am sure a lot of people will not be shocked by the news, I'm not really that subtle when you are around." Listening as Mickey talked about her parents, she felt kind of bad they didn't seem to care at all. "I'm sorry your parents suck so much sometimes." she told her, pushing the stray hair that fell in her face out of the way. "Hey, at least Danny approves of you." she teased, giggling a bit. " I'm sure Alex does too, but she doesn't care too much about a lot of things"

Mickey smiled, "Danny is the cutest - I honestly don't know Alex that well, but I mean, I like to pride myself on being able to win over pretty much anyone. I'm a McCarthy, after all," she winked. "It's cool - they suck all the time, honestly, but it's whatever...me and the sibs take care of each other. It's just always what we've done," she said with a shrug, "I've never really known another way." She blushed at what Santana said, "You do tend to make googly eyes at me, but it's fine, 'cause I can't help it either."

Santana "Don't tell him, but he's my favorite sibling. It would just go to his head if he knew that" she teased before shaking her head. "Honestly, if I am happy, than Alex doesn't care that much. Sometimes I wish I could have the attitude she has towards our abuela, but I love her to much. Even if she isn't that accepting of me." she admitted before letting out a sigh. "Well I think you guys are handling it pretty well for having sucky parents." Santana let out a laugh and playfully rolled her eyes, "I do not make googly eyes..I have no idea what you are talking about"

Mickey snorted and nudged Santana, "Sure you don't," she teased, pulling her in to kiss her gently. "See? I'm just irresistable, you can't deal with it," she said, her blush reddening her cheeks majorly.

Santana laughed when Mickey snorted, shaking her head. "No way, I dont. You have no proof of my googly eyes" she said, before their lips met jn a kiss. Santana gently kissing her back. "You are pretty itresistable, i'll give you that." She said softly as they pulled away from the kiss, noticing the way she blushed. She had always liked when she blush, she thought she looked cuter than normal. If that was wven possible. Santana leaned back in, pressing her lips against hers again in another kiss.

Mickey kissed her a little harder, tugging on her bottom lip with her teeth gently as she wrapped her arms around her. Mickey still wasn't entirely used to this -- sure, a few months ago they'd been all over each other, but she'd gone so long without her that she felt like a blushy little kid anytime they were together.

Santana smiled against her lips, gently moving her fingers though her hair as they kissed. It had been awhile since they had kissed like this, and it felt amazing. She had really missed Mickey, and she just wanted to stay in this moment forever. Pulling back a little bit, she let out a breath "I missed kissing you like that"

Mickey twirled a piece of Santana's hair around her finger, "I missed it too," she said. "I didn't think i'd get to again," she bit her bottom lip, swallowing hard.

Santana "You can kiss me as much as you want too. I don't want this to be a secret anymore, I won't let it be." Santana leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose before kissing her lips again. She couldn't stop, she didn't want too. "Well you do get to again" she smiled, her cheeks turning a bright pink.

Mickey touched her cheek, "I'm not about to do anything you're not ready for," she said. "Like...I won't kiss you at parties if that's not something you want," she said quietly, looking away for a moment, this whole thing feeling dangerously deja-vu.

Santana bit down on her lip for a moment before she answered her. "We will get there, eventually. Hopefully it won't take me forever to feel comfortable with all that, I do want you to kiss me at parties." she told her, here eyes meeting hers once she finally looked back at her. "I want to be able to show you off one day, and make sure everyone knows that you are mine. I'm getting there, just be patient with me." Santana was quiet for a moment, not really sure what else to say to her. It felt like she was reliving the past all over again, and she didn't want it to end the same way.

Mickey bit her lip, "I trust you if you trust me," she said honestly. "And for now...just hold me. Life's hard enough without overthinking, yeah?"

Santana "of course I trust you, I do." Santana kissed her forehead as she pulled her in closer to her body. Even though she was practically on top her, she somehow wanted to get closer to her. Like this wasn't enough for her."I'll hold you all night, I am not going anywhere. I'll stay and hold you as long as you want babe."

Mickey beamed at her, "Mm, thank you," she said, burying her face in the other girl's neck, tangling their legs together and enjoying the intimacy they'd created there.

[survivorcutthroat]

Episode 1: “There’s a 50 year old playing this game.” - Zack (Part 2)

*shocker* Nehe blew it. Big. 

 Good news? We got Seamus to join us + I think there's a very tentative plan in motion right now....Seamus told Nehe that Zack and Amir are close so if me/him/Nehe and Dustin vote together we have instant majority and we can boot Zack  like I have been wanting to.... 

But of course, I can't trust Seamus yet as he is yet to tell this info directly to me - just to Nehe. I'll work on that... 

But for now I'll let Nehe do the scheming for the both of us so that if it backfires, the bullet hits him harder than me. =)

Stevie is now on our tribe, as we have lost immunity. I'm selling him on the idea of "Ali is the guy here we all look to for guidance" so that he wants Ali gone. I've been gunning for Ali while having an alliance with him since day one. Gotta cut throats before throats cut you. 

This is so uglyyy omg. Voting Sherry was a huge mistake, however, we had no idea what the vote would entail. It could have been voting someone to redemption island for all we know. Sherry had to complete a series of puzzles, and they're some of the worst puzzles I've ever seen. Stevie and Seamus are fucking freaks. Then this twist comes and they have to vote at our tribal too. And freaking Stevie chooses my tribe 

 I hate Stevie and my relationship with him isn't very good. I prefer Seamus because I think he would have my back. I don't feel safe, but I have Ali and Bodhi. Dom might help me, but he hasn't really talked to me since the first day. Sherry and I don't talk to, and she is super busy. My concerns are that Sherry might have something for doing the challenge, and Stevie might try to stir the pot. Kill me, Tommy help me out god. I have no idea why Eddie hates me, he's trying to rig against me. This cast is meh no wonder I'm on it. 

 Btw, I came to a realization that I should consider not dating, liking, crushing, or doing anything with another guy they are disgusting and fakes and ugly. I'm so done with them. 

 Me: let me be more social! 

also me: doesn't talk to people on my tribe

Okay I made a decision. I'm gonna stick to my guns. I am not letting nehe or crow leave and im not compromising. I know I've been in denial but it's time to face the facts. My tribe is going to tribal. I'm going to make sure nehe doesn't go. I think he'll 100% be a loyal ally. He so sweet and I like him and I have a feeling he's not gonna hit it off with a lot of people. 

Second, I truly truly hope crow doesn't go. I love him as a person he's literally my husband but like, I'm not gonna throw my game away for him. If he's the one going then he's the one going. I need to make sure me and nehe are safe over him because I can control nehe more than I can control crow. If crow does go, then me and nehe are enough to force a tie if we go to tribal again. 

Third, is zack. Zack and I have a long history and I've known him for 2 years. Taking him out isn't bad for my game but I genuinely would be so bad because I love him as a person so I really really don't want to. 

Fourth is Dustin, nice kid, pretty hot lowkey, but he can go. I really do like him as a person but uhhhgg 

Zack just confirmed he's with Dustin. ZAXK WANTS ME HIM AND DUSTIN TO ALIGN. I WASNT MEANT FOR THIS FUCKING GAME. THIS IS Not what I want. I think crow is gonna be the one to go. I am SO sad. I DONT WVEN KNOW IF I TRUST ZACK OR DUSTIN. WHAT IF IM BEING PLAYED? I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM. How am I suppose to talk to dustin when he never fuckin replies? Maybe I should just vote myself out and be lucky. If I'm with Zack/Dustin I'm at the bottom cuz they're close. If I'm with nehe and crow I'm at the top cuz they're both close to me. I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to keep my fucking mouth shut and wait for zack and Dustin to campaign to nehe and wait to see what crow wants to do. I need to like be patient and wait. That's what I need to do

We are more than halfway through round one and I am loving this game!! When it started and I saw the cast reveal i almost immediately quit because i saw Jaiden and Sid and i needed to GO, but then they weren't on my tribe so it was fine. I really like my tribe! Me and Tommy have always gotten along, although we don't have much playing experience together. Cole and I have a weird relationship in games that I don't fully understand but this time around I am liking it. I like Abel, and Matt is a cool dude. i really like that all of us searched for the idol because otherwise I probably wouldn't have searched and missed the potential opportunity. In terms of the other people in the cast, I LOVE LIANA!!!! One of my faves, so happy she is here! Seamus I get along with well, and surprisingly I have been talking to Bodhi a decent amount. My biggest fear is in this game I don't know how more than half of these people are as players. I know about less than half of the cast and Id on't like that. gonna have to snoop around and ask how these bitches played in their past games.

So walking into this game - I feel pretty decent about the cast. I know certain people for good reasons and some for bad reasons. When I look at the people I see Dustin & Cole, of which as all played BBHell together and on separate occasions flirted with each other. This was my first game from a year ago. I had to unblock Dustin from a year ago. Yikes. 

People are recognizing me from India. "India", "robbed of Switzerland" whatever blah blah blah. Considering I don't play tumblr to often I kinda just like to do me so I play a bit medicore I guess. But they all know me so w/e. 

My tribe is pretty decent. I'm happy. As a tribe we haven't talked but one on one my strongest relations are in this tribe. Sherry is one of my bffs

Oh my, I'm so scared about this game. At least Stevie won the immunity challenge but I feel like I'm missing out on so much gameplay. I feel like there is a alliance(s) that I'm not in. What should I do, I've generally scared. I think people like me personally, but I could be wrong like always. I'm really trying to lay low in this game and I'm hoping people will forget about me for the most part the game. I don't know if I should start a majority alliance in my tribe OR I should get 2 people from each tribe and form a 8 person alliance where we all work together to get rid of people that isn't in the alliance, the nice thing about two tribes losing two members tomorrow is that this alliance could totally happen. The only thing is that this plan would completely backfire on me because I would be playing too hard to fast. I'm so conflicted, if my tribe does up going to tribal, I'm probably going to vote out Matt because I know him the least (I've said this like 7 times jeez). I'm going to try and be lovable in this game and have people think I'm easily manipulated and doing their will so they won't target me. Oh man, this game makes me paranoid.

So pretty much whats going to (hopefully) happen is that Nehe will be hitting the road after taking 4 hours of his life on those puzzles. Yes he didnt quit. But still he was 3 hours behind even placing 2nd. For us to be down to a tribe of 4 its going to rely on comp scores so he has to go. ive talked alot to crow, amir ,and zack and we all seem to get along. however i am suspicious of amir and zacks previous relationship. Hopefully we can all vote together today and send Nehe packing.Oh my, I'm so scared about this game. At least Stevie won the immunity challenge but I feel like I'm missing out on so much gameplay. I feel like there is a alliance(s) that I'm not in. What should I do, I've generally scared. I think people like me personally, but I could be wrong like always. I'm really trying to lay low in this game and I'm hoping people will forget about me for the most part the game. I don't know if I should start a majority alliance in my tribe OR I should get 2 people from each tribe and form a 8 person alliance where we all work together to get rid of people that isn't in the alliance, the nice thing about two tribes losing two members tomorrow is that this alliance could totally happen. The only thing is that this plan would completely backfire on me because I would be playing too hard to fast. I'm so conflicted, if my tribe does up going to tribal, I'm probably going to vote out Matt because I know him the least (I've said this like 7 times jeez). I'm going to try and be lovable in this game and have people think I'm easily manipulated and doing their will so they won't target me. Oh man, this game makes me paranoid.

welp. i'm going to mother fucking tribal. 

my plan? seamus told me nehe and crow said my name.. so nehe and crow can CHOKE. i wanna make an alliance with dustin and amir and vote nehe out hehe. honestly. can all these people choke so i can win. like just give me the win.

This is so ugly. I love Ali so much. Me and Ali have an alliance with Bodhi, but Bodhi does not trust Ali. Sherry is obviously trying to save herself, and why the hell is it catching on? Dom's dumbass is barely here, Stevie shouldn't even be a part of this tribe this twist is rigged. But Bodhi? Like hell man why do you think Sherry is going to be more loyal to us than Ali? We voted for Sherry! Unless he's saying he didn't vote or didn't actually vote. Like Sherry and Stevie i undersrand voting for Ali, but Bodhi? What the hell? We're in an alliance with him do you really think he's going to flip onus now? So stupid these people are so stupid.

Nehe and I are talking, and he's one of the few people in the game I think is absolutely telling me the truth. I want him on my side when a swap hits. Right now my trust is in Amir, Abel, Dom, Sherry, and Nehe. I've got moderate amounts of trust with Crow, Mearl, Tommy, Stevie, Rob, Ali (but im killing him tonight), Seamus, and several other people. I am feeling GOOD about this game if I can make it past this tribal.

I talked to everybody that's originally on my tribe and the vote is split between Sherry and Ali. Bodhi is such a snake. I went on call with Dom who I loved a lot the first night and he told me that Bodhi exposed our alliance to him for no reason. Dom isn't even close to Bodhi. Bodhi is obviously trying to control the vote and doing what is right for him. Fake I knew i never liked him. I do want to work with Dom and Eddie's Breadies is definitely not a thing anymore. 

[12:35:25 PM] Bodhi: Who are you working with on your tribe> 

[12:35:34 PM] Nehe Mehe: lol can you keep a secret? 

[12:35:52 PM] Bodhi: absolutely 

[12:35:55 PM] Nehe Mehe: at the moment all of them cause they all wanna work with me 

[12:35:56 PM] Bodhi: there's no one i'd tell 

then i went and told Amir.

1 hour later:

I'm hella nervous tribal council is coming up in three hours but everything should be fine. Amir settled on voting out Zack and Seamus is all good and so is Crow and I dont know where Dustin is at but yeah he better vote Zack out too. I gotta watch how I play out in the Live tribal portion but I feel like I have a chance to stay but I can tragically still get blindsided.

[2:41 PM] Ali  TAnveer: We need you You're the fun person in the tribe

[2:41:31 PM] Bodhi: I wanted tribal at 5 :'( 

[2:41:40 PM] Ali  TAnveer: I was. Tribal now 

[2:41:46 PM] Ali  TAnveer: Or 5 :( 

[2:42:48 PM] Bodhi: 5 is just better 

[2:44:08 PM] Ali  TAnveer: It is [2:44:15 PM] Ali  TAnveer: I might be out tonight 

Ali has no idea how right he is. He means that he wont be around for tribal, but he won't be around after tribal either.

15 minutes later:

OOPS hahahaha fuck. Ok so Rob wants me to flip on the plan to take out Ali, and he's made good arguments. I'm gonna keep Ali around and do Sherry instead. Sherry is less active, and has more friends. Ali is a more visable target. There goes my big flip plan!

Ugh okay so this is #4 on day 4. So basically since i won my tribe was safe. Then we got to deal with 2 twists. First is do we want to keep, throw away, or give someone and idol clue. Of course i keep it bc why would I want someone else to have it? Plus i can just lie and give others a fake clue. The second is that I joined the red tribe and go to tribal with them but im immune... So i get to vote and im p sure imma vote zack, even though i think i can work with him, i need switzerland and great lakes people to leave. I cant risk having their former relationships come into play and bite me in the butt. SO tonight it will either be Nehe or Zack but I'm voting Nehe! Wish me luck!

Okay y'all I'm packing my bags. Fuck! This! Twist! FUCK THIS CAST! I HATE. Fuck seamus. Next time I'm on a tribe with him he's getting lit tf up. It's round one and he made up lies about me already and it's really sad because he really doesn't know who he's fucking with. Bitch boy just ruined his own game If I survive this tribal I'm going to end him. I am going to Fucking END SEAMUS. He looks like the mom from suite life of zack and cody. He's like telling nehe that me and zack are best friends and basically pinning the target on us and telling nehe that I talked to him the least when I literally have talked with Seamus everyday. Like is he inbred? I was starting to really like him but he truly fucked himself over now. I don't rest until his basic white gay ass goes.   

The info I know: 

1. Make nehe 100% on board with me again. 

2. Nehe wants to vote zack or Dustin but he doesn't want to vote crow. 

3. Zack wants to convince nehe to vote Dustin instead of him but he still wants to vote nehe out. 

4. Seamus wants either zack or I out 

Info I need: 

1. Is dustin still 100% on the vote nehe out train? 

2. Crow told me and Dustin he wants to vote nehe but told nehe he wants to do zack or Dustin but preferably Dustin. What tf does crow want? 

Nehe knows too much. Crow isn't gonna go, no one wants him out. I got nehe protecting me right now. What I need to know is If crow is really with nehe and he genuinely wants to vote out zack or Dustin. 

As much as I love nehe, Crow has sunk his social game claws into him already. He's the middle man between zack/Dustin and me/crow. If I'm able to survive this round and get through this I can for sure make the target next week to be Dustin or crow. Nehe is STILLLLL telling people that me and zack are a final 2.

I FUCKING HATE THIS CAST. Dustin keeps me sane. I'm glad I have him. How did he go from my least fav on the tribe to my absolute fav? 

[7/6/17, 3:52:25 PM] Amir: On 7/6/17, at 3:51 PM, Nehe Mehe wrote: > you are way nicer than i would’ve guessed Amir 

Okay I feel fucking bad but like he literally went and told the whole tribe that me and zach are a final 2. Im scared but tbh my skin has been clear for a long ass time and I got a pimple today and this game is to blame. If I get voted out I might become sane again.

Ah what a lovely event tribal council is! I thought I would be in trouble but I'm actually likable I think??? Wow I'm shooketh.

So after Nehe's blunder at the comp and Zack's inept social game, it put them both on the chopping block. I would love to just chop both but I have to choose apparently....Nehe has Seamus on his side and Zack has Amir on his side leaving Dustin and I, the dream team of distrust, as the swing votes. (But there's a lot of lies in between so it might not be that clear)

And although I'm closer to Nehe, him going reaps more benefits as I gain trust with Dustin, Zack, and Amir and cut the only person who would be my enemy moving into this tribe swap....

So I'm throwing my first knife at Nehe and I think it's going to pierce his heart. Whoops! #AnyoneButMe right?

#ChaosCrow or #CutthroatCrow ? I bet bitches didn't see me cutting so early but this is my second chance and I'm ready to draw blood.

SO! Guess who's ready for another summer of stress, sadness and seventh place? It's ya boy, Sid! With Magyi's tribal in 15 minutes, this confessional MAY be a little overdue, but I'm here to break down days one through four for you. 

Sagu is a beautiful tribe for beautiful people. At least, that's what I thought. Now, I've realized that I'm kinda pissed off that I'm not with my Twister Sister Sherry, or my number one: Amir. Y'all put me on a tribe with Jaiden, whose reputation precedes him, Luke, who I haven't talk to in days, and Seamus, who is probably the worst liar I've met. Seriously, someone let him win a game? I trust Liana the most right now, but even that is like a 7/10. 

I vibed with Seamus at first, but as soon as I approached him about working together, he really showed his cards with his tone. I don't trust him at all, and, after hearing about his antics on Magyi (thanks to this loser twist), I trust him even less. As SOON as I get the chance, he's gone. I have a metaphorical place on my wall for his metaphorical head. WE'RE GOING TROPHY HUNTING, BOYS. That being said, I'm in an "alliance" (more of a trust cluster) with him and Liana. 

I really feel like I'm keeping a level head, and I'm trying to play less antsy. That, however, isn't going to keep me from making big moves. One World sucks, but at least I can talk to Amir. He's honestly my number one, and I'd never betray him. I love Sherry too, and I can't wait to reunite with her again. I'm going to go watch Magyi's tribal now, but I'm so excited to play Cutthroat Island!!! It's going to be a doozie.

Idk what's happening this tribal, maybe bodhi is not with us? He aint replying maybe they are against me and rob, these people are crazy and I just wanna stay, I give my heart and souls to this game.

Hello! I'm back for a third time now to attempt a second win! I'm really nervous to start the season but also super excited to have gotten another chance at the win. It's weird being one of two winners in this season. The feeling is just weird and unexplainable. I believe this season is going to be super messy and people will be all over the place, I just hope to at least make merge and jury and from there get to the end. My tribe is really good we have a lot of people who made it far and I genuinely like all of them. Since this is a one word season I wanna make a few connections with the people on other tribes to so I'm safe for a swap or something. I feel like I'm paranoid 24/7 this season compared to my other two seasons where I felt I always tried to make a safety net for myself... this season there is no way I can make a safety net yet because I don't trust many if any people. As for my tribe I feel like I wouldn't be the first boot just because of my first impressions I think, however you can never know. For right now before swaps or anything I wanna be seen as a coattail rider and start from the bottom up and work my way into a good position so people will not target me right away and work on relationships with people. 

I'm so happy Stevie won the challenge because that means I made Final 18! I'm so happy I didn't get the first two boots I honestly would have actually cried A LOT. I'm even more nervous now that there is less people because one step closer to the end and it'll only get more cutthroat from here on out.

I went on call with Dom who revealed Bodhi is shady. Dom said that he would like people to be straightforward with him. I agree, so i decided to tell Ali everything. Ali knows what is happening because i do really like him and he deserves to know. I told Bodhi that voting Ali is stupid and he believed me. Sherry is going to flip because she knows she's on the chopping block. So flipping Bodhi should flip Dom too. The vote should be Sherry, but she said she has the idol. I don't know if I believe it, but it should be Ali then? Fucl Stevie btw. If this vote goes to plan I'll scream I might have done that. 

I had 7 calls back to back to back. 

JAIDEN I hated Jaiden from before this game, but after talking to him he seems quite alright and I'd love to work with him this time around. I actually really like jaiden which is a huge suprise. 

ROB Rob just needed some reassuring. I reassured his ass. 

ALI Ali needed reassuring as well. I did the exact same to him 

STEVIE I needed to fill Stevie in on the vote so he didn't get mad when it was Sherry 

ABEL We talked about the game for a bit, nothing spesific but we got along great ALI Abel hung up on me and Ali wanted me to call again. We said almost nothing and I think he's happy. 

ABEL Oh my god. This was the most important call of the game. We were giggling about our dislike of Luke together, and we're going to go FAR. I love Abel and I want to go to the end with him.