#(i ate some lunch and dinner but neither has really helped)

[nightmdic]

im likely going to be lurking on mobile so might send some ask and such

[genshin-impacted]

Exchange of Rings

(Alhaitham x Reader - 3/?) 

You and Alhaitham learn about each other while living together. Neither of you mind what you're seeing (or hearing). OR cooking + hobbies + singing

Word Count: ~3.5k

Notes: afab!reader, second person pov “you”, gn!reader, switches pov with Alhaitham, modern au, arranged marriage, fall first/fall harder, suggestive themes, slow burn

[Previous - Next]

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Like most working adults, you and Alhaitham are gone for most of the day and home at around sunset. With your differing schedules, you don’t get to see each other for most of the week. Still, the two of you begin to develop a routine together with the awareness that you are no longer living alone. 

It means making more food so the two of you can pack the leftovers for lunch. Having cooked at home for your family, you have less trouble adapting the portions to make enough for the two of you, but for the first nights Alhaitham made dinner, there was nothing to bring to work the next day. It wasn’t a big deal, but Alhaitham seemed inordinately upset, if only because he had believed he had made enough for four people and increased the proportion of ingredients appropriately. 

You think you were partially to blame, considering you probably ate enough saffron rice for maybe two and a half people, and you tell him just as much. You were half-joking, but Alhaitham leveled you a look. Before you could get nervous and actually apologize, he nodded to himself. 

“I’ll simply increase the proportions two-fold next time,” Alhaitham said. “I should have taken into consideration both of our individual diet patterns when calculating.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine, really,” you stammered, feeling your face heat up. “Your cooking is just really good. I don’t eat that much usually.”

Alhaitham had stared at you again, observing you, and it is now a feeling you have grown familiar with, though it still makes you feel the need to look away. It’s not as though it really bothers you; if it had, you don’t think you would survive in this relationship where Alhaitham is prone to thinking before speaking. (Sometimes, for a long time.)

In some ways, the way Alhaitham looks at you makes you feel seen. And that’s why it’s embarrassing, you think: you feel as though he can tell who you really are behind the polite pretenses and manners hammered into your psyche. 

Just when you think he’s decided to drop the topic, he said, “There’s no need to be embarrassed. There’s nothing wrong with a big appetite. If you were worried about your diet or appearance-”

“Speaking about food,” you interrupted, voice a twinge higher, “is this your mom’s recipe? It’s really good!”  

You can still palpate his desire to continue the previous conversation even as he graciously allowed you to talk about the subject of the day. 

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Living together also means waking up to an alarm and clicking snooze only twice– maximum. The two of you actually had a serious discussion about this, having apparently shared the scenario of an unfortunate roommate pressing snooze every five minutes for a half hour. 

The two of you already worked out the chores; some things you do together (dusting, cooking, setting up the table), while others you take turns doing. The topic of laundry came up and Alhaitham is the one suggesting doing individual loads for the time being, justifying by saying that he probably will have to do it more often. Which is fair, you think, you take up twice as much closet space as Alhaitham, so that means he has less clothes to rotate through in general. 

What he lacks in closet space, Alhaitham makes it up in the form of books. As promised, he moves in his bookcases, which line up the walls of the small living room next to the couch that he often sits at after dinner for leisurely reading. 

As a reader of specifically non-fiction, you think Alhaitham must be well-read in all topics. You like to dabble in some topics from the sciences or humanities too, and it’s come in handy, helping along some of your supper conversations as they veer towards specific bits of knowledge that you’ve garnered throughout the years. While the last time you’ve really read an informative book was eons ago, Alhaitham is on a constant pursuit of knowledge, sifting through pages and pages of information and grasping at the ones that are pertinent– no matter how esoteric the knowledge may be. 

You remember peering into his bookshelves the other day when it was your turn to dust (worst chore by far). You were hoping to pick up a topic that you could perhaps talk with him about, but some of the books you’ve seen are truly beyond your knowledge AND interest.  

Especially with “Factory Mass Manufacturing and Warehouse Management,” you think absently, as you cut slices of apples onto a plate. Considering how Alhaitham is the secretary of a prominent business, you can somehow see the relevance. But even so, you can never imagine reading something like that just for fun.

You walk over with the plate of fruit, crunching on a slice before gently placing the plate on the arm of the couch next to Alhaitham. You peer over his shoulder to look at his reading material.  The font is small, paragraphs thick and heavily informative almost like a textbook, but Alhaitham is close to finishing. Incredulous, you catch a glimpse of the title, and it’s the same warehouse management book you’d seen a few days before.

“You’re already almost done reading that?” You ask, bewildered. You look at Alhaitham as he pauses midway from picking up a slice of the apples you have cut. 

“It’s not that long,” he replies, flipping to the last page. “Only about 400.” 

‘Only,’ he says. You only nod. “Is it interesting to you? How do you choose what book to read next?”

“I don’t have a system, if that’s what you’re asking,” Alhaitham says. “I just choose whatever seems to be a good read for the time being.”

“Do you read just non-fiction?”

“Not always. I find that fiction and imagination can often explore various topics that reality cannot.” Alhaitham bookmarks his place in the book before shutting it. You blink when he turns to place his full attention on you. “Do you read?”

Fanfiction comes to mind immediately, but you aren’t planning to admit that right off the bat. “Nothing recently,” you say. He gives you a glance before standing up, and you follow curiously behind him as he sifts through his selection of books.  “I also usually read fictional works over non-fiction, but…”

“Are you interested in the sciences?” Alhaitham asks, pulling out a book from his collection, “Or history?”

Alhaitham ends up giving you two of the thinner non-fiction books to start with, both about topics that you surprisingly do have an interest in. You don’t remember ever talking to him about the specifics, but you garner he must have gained some sort of knowledge about your preferences in the times you’ve talked. You don’t have it in you to turn down Alhaitham’s book recommendations even though you really doubt you can find it in yourself to finish a book let alone read non-fiction. 

For one, you feel like this is a heaven-sent opportunity to bond with the man. Anyone can look at him and see how important books are to him, and you want to show interest in his hobbies, no matter how different they are from yours. And if you do end up reading, you get some more knowledge you can talk to Alhaitham about and- you try not to be too giddy at this– you might use this chance of reading to sit next to Alhaitham when he reads. (You believe they call it parallel play.) And two: you might get to understand Alhaitham just a little bit more if you delve into the books he cherishes so much.

And for that, you are motivated to see these books through to the end. 

If you sneak a peek at Alhaitham over the pages of your book ever so often, you hope he does not mind. 

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You and Alhaitham begin to develop a routine together with the awareness that he is no longer living alone. 

Alhaitham has had his share of roommates, has lived with his parents or grandmother for a period of time. But as an adult, he has the autonomy that regardless of where or who he lives with, he does everything on his own. It is different trying to live together with a spouse.

It means sharing the space in which the two of you inhabit. Alhaitham prefers to read on the couch before sleeping, and you always end up sitting on the other seat with the laptop, most likely browsing the internet. When glancing over, he can see you either shop online, scroll through social media, or play a game. It’s an open-world concept, you had explained to him when he asked once out of curiosity: Genshin Impact.  

You had looked at him then with a mix of embarrassment and anticipation, on the precipice of saying something more. You probably wanted to elaborate on what kind of game it was, but then you seem to hold yourself back, smiling at him before going back to your screen. Alhaitham has never been interested in video games, but he almost wishes you had continued to talk, if only to get to understand the hobbies you’ve touched upon during dinner.

Small talk is terrible, but with you, he can tolerate it to a certain extent. Even when asking about your day, the perspective that you bring to the table so differs from his own that he imagines if he went through the same day as you, the two of you would create very different experiences. 

Your hobbies, too, are very different from his own. His life has always revolved around books, while you have dipped your toes into whatever hobby suits your fancy at that time. Anime, gaming, baking, crocheting, embroidering, writing, photography: your interests are diverse and often fleeting, though some of those have stayed with you till now. Alhaitham is a learner- he has theories and knowledge filling his mind to the brim, and you are a doer, fueled by passion and creativity.

Alhaitham concludes by the end of the month that even with all your differences, there is at least one thing he knows the two of you have in common: curiosity. Perhaps that is why he finds it even pleasant to converse with you. He finds genuine interest in the topics you talk about, and you listen intently when he speaks upon his latest book. The reason why he knows you’re truly listening is because you said just as much.

“Why read books when I can just have you explain them to me,” you tell him jokingly as you wash the dishes that night. “You’re really good at teaching things, Alhaitham. Thanks for being so patient with me.” 

Alhaitham is not unfamiliar with compliments, but he doesn’t remember the last time someone has commended him on his abilities to instruct. And for his ‘patience’? He’s more likely to leave mid-conversation than wait for someone to try and find a grasp on their words. 

He can recall tutoring someone or other during his undergraduate years, but people are rarely as willing to learn or conscientious as you. Perhaps that is why he doesn’t mind taking his time explaining things to you. Some things are harder to grasp for you than others, but he commends you for the effort. And he knows you put the effort into understanding, if the look of disconcert with your furrowed brows and slow nods are of any indication. Your questions are pertinent; they show that you’re actually listening.

It’s much better than some other people he has tried to teach who have only wasted his time trying to ask for help with something that they have no intention to use. It must be why with you, he may seem more patient, while others have found him either curt or intimidating. (He could care less about what people think of him, and the less he interacts with them, the better.) 

Alhaitham gives a simple ‘thanks’ before your attention is back on the dishes. He goes to sit on the couch as per usual to read, but once in a while, he glances up from the pages to look at you, the far more interesting thing in the room.  

If you are by any way bothered by his looks, you don’t say.

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Living together denotes exactly that– being under the same roof for an extended period of time. On days that both Alhaitham and you stay home all day, a rare occurrence, are days that he fully understands what it means to live in the same space as someone else. 

It’s hearing you let out a huff of laughter after you see something funny on your phone. Or listening to the muffled music that comes from your headphones when the two of you are on the couch together. And you are often on the couch together, many times not speaking but simply doing different activities in the same vicinity, which Alhaitham finds he appreciates very much. 

One of his distaste for married life was the idea that he would always have to be doing the same thing as his significant other. He understands the appeal of it, certainly; seeing you open one of the books he recommended to you as the two of you sit side-by-side has a small smile forming on his lips. But to be doing the exact same thing as his spouse all the time? He much prefers the way you and him complement each other, doing things while still being considerate of the other. 

“Do you mind if I cook fish tonight?” 

“I’m planning to vacuum in an hour; will that interrupt your work?”

“It’s a little cold tonight. Can I turn up the heater?”

And when Alhaitham works out in the living room, he notices you staring at him as you read. 

His headphones are in, but when he pauses his workout, he pauses his music as well. “Am I bothering you?” He asks. He doesn’t think he makes a lot of noise when he exercises, aside from the obligatory breathes he has to take. Perhaps the constant movement in the corner of your eyes is distracting. He finds you frozen in place, mouth gaping open and closed as you try to answer him. He doesn’t particularly think it’s a very difficult question to answer, but he knows you often try to find the best way to word things so he waits.  

Alhaitham does not expect the very simple and stammered “no” that comes from you and the way you scramble to bury your nose back into your book.

You’re embarrassed, he thinks. Why? He looks at you for a while longer, and you seem more determined to not meet his gaze, as though refusing to look at him- ah. 

Alhaitham recalls that the first question you asked him was whether he found you attractive. You never provided an answer to him whether or not you found him attractive, but perhaps you didn’t need to, especially not now.

It’s a… strange feeling, to be admired for his looks. He isn’t exactly unfamiliar with them, but he never cared for how people viewed him– good or bad. Having someone like you look at him, on the other hand… He finds he does not mind the way you are flustered at being caught staring, yet respectful enough to not to purposely bother him and accommodating enough to let him exercise despite how obviously distracting he is.

It’s a little… endearing. And very amusing. If only you’d look at him now, you would catch him smiling even as his workout puts him through the wringer. 

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If you could go back in time to catch yourself before you started staring at Alhaitham– attractive, extremely fit Alhaitham who is working out in front of you– you would. You try not to make eye contact with him again after your weak response, and you feel his gaze on you for a moment longer before he goes back to his workout.

Pushups. With one arm. Sweat glistening on his forehead, breath heavy from effort- 

You take a quiet deep breath in and think of less… distracting thoughts and back to the explanation of the downfall of the Byzantine Empire that you’re reading right now. It is unironically a riveting book to sift through, but it’s just that you have something else more entertaining in front of you. Respectfully, you avert your gaze.

“I can cook dinner after I shower,” Alhaitham suddenly says, and you look to your left, craning your neck up to look at him as he wipes his neck with a towel. 

“Okay,” you say automatically, mind still reeling. A brief pause. “Have a nice shower.” 

Alhaitham looks at you again, and you are used to it by now to know that it is neither a good nor bad thing, until you see a quip of a smile on his face. “Thanks,” he basically drawls. “I will.” 

The moment Alhaitham is out of earshot, you slam your face into your book, the cool pages battling the heat on your cheeks.

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Living together means Alhaitham can discern some of your habits. It’s the plate of fruits that you cut for him when it’s a quiet afternoon of reading. It’s the way you start or end your sentences, the way you refer to certain things to a point of his own recognition as though you are teaching him your own language. And although you did not do this in the earliest stages of his relationship with you, he suspects that you are beginning to at least become more comfortable living with him, because he begins to hear you sing.

Most of it is probably not meant for his ears. Alhaitham remembers coming back to the apartment with the sounds of your distant, muffled singing, which stops the moment he closes the door shut with a slam. (There is no other way to close this door securely, unfortunately.) He never brings attention to it, suspecting it would only embarrass you and discourage you from singing. 

Or would it do the opposite, he wonders, covering his yawn as he walks into the kitchen after his afternoon nap to see you starting to cook dinner. You’re humming along to the music on your headphones, oblivious to his approach, and Alhaitham takes to leaning against the refrigerator until you turn around and notice him. It’s the first time he’s ever seen you jump and yelp like that. 

“I’ve noticed you sing a lot,” Alhaitham says.

“Sorry, yeah,” you say sheepishly. “Is it distracting?” 

“Not really. There’s really no need to apologize. You’re actually on tune as far as I can tell.” He sees you press your lips together, trying to hide your pleased smile. “Are we eating pasta tonight?” He asks.

“Yeah, with tomato sauce,” you say, stirring the pot gently. “So you really don’t mind? Me…” You wave your hand in a vague gesture. “Singing and all.”

“I don’t mind,” he says. Alhaitham thinks he’s been quite straightforward with how he feels about things in general. You know by now that he does not give opinions in halves; what he thinks is as clear as day. You don’t look so convinced, but it is true: he doesn’t mind hearing you sing. He’s always been sensitive to noises, bothered by the interruptions to the serenity of silence, but your voice he finds he does not mind. Perhaps he is used to hearing you, having lived with you for some time now, but he finds it hard to separate you and your voice with the image of home. (He supposes he has two places he can call home now.)

That and he can always filter the noises you make if he really needs to. Being accustomed to living with you has its perks, after all, but he has yet to find a reason to do so. In some ways, silence is no longer a part of his daily routine anymore. Alhaitham finds he does not mind that either when it involves you.  

Alhaitham continues, “Though I do ask you don’t sing in the showers if it’s late; I do sleep quite early-”

“Yeah, no, no problem,” you stammer, staring at the pot as though it required more of your attention. (It does not as far as he knows.) “I- So you’ve heard me sing in there too?”

“Yes,” he says simply. When you stand there, stunned, he continues, “Again, I don’t mind it.”

“Noted.” You slowly grin, telling him teasingly, “Feel free to burst into song any time too, Alhaitham.” 

The comment surprises a huff of laughter out of him, and he walks to the living room knowing full well you’re still smiling ear to ear. “Unlikely, but thanks anyways.” He says, “I’ll be reading; let me know if you need help.”

Alhaitham hears you chirp out an affirmation before going back to cooking. The stove flickers out as you turn off the stove, turning around to separate the pasta from water. Alhaitham is a few pages into his new book when he begins to hear you hum again. He looks up from his book to watch you bob your head along with the song you’re singing, steam rising from the sink as the hot water is poured. 

He’s smiling as he goes back to read his book. 

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Taglist:

@crowbird @thetwinkims @jaguarthecat @loki-zos-galvus @fantasy-enthusiast @tanspostsblog @dxstopiaa @theprinceofkhaos @homeinhobii @nagisuterus

[tetsunabouquet]

Basic Instinct Blooper Reel

Masterpost Bonding over both being casual fans of Atarashi Gakko with Kotaro during lunch, you couldn't help but launch into the choreo of Tokyo Calling when waiting in the queue at the Maji Burger. It wasn't long before Kotaro had caught on, and the two of you were wiggling as everyone else just gawked at you. But the two of you were having a blast, and high on the rush neither of you could care are the looks people were giving you. Nebuya didn't really know what to do but he started pumping his fists to some imaginary beat to go along with the vibe as Reo and Akashi just watched on with bemused smiled on their faces.

Akashi stared at his reflection in the mirror. This was the day, the day he was going to ask you to be his girlfriend and he couldn't feel more nervous. He breathed out and he breathed in slowly. Aomine told him he should focus on his reflection and practise his lines. Sure, he had the actual poem already set up in the athletics store, but how on earth was he supposed to greet you? Was he supposed to sound normal, a bit more flirty then usual? Like, how does one greet the girl they are about to ask to be their girlfriend? He looked deeply into his own eyes and trying not to feel weirded out, he ran a hand through his hair and said a suble , "Hello Y/n," that he thought sounded smooth. Keyword being thought, because all of the hairs at the back of his neck were instantly raised. YIKES. Now that was straight horror movie material. Perhaps listening to Aomine wasn't a good plan, he thought, shaking his head as he exited the bathroom.

You were giddily shaking in the bathroom of the expensive restuarant. Now this was the perfect opportunity to release some steam and just be happy you were Akashi's girlfriend and your first date was going over so smoothly! You really needed to screech happily into some paper towels. After you had belted out a few 'yes's that hopefully weren't too loud to make people think you were having sex in the bathroom, you clapped your hands in excitement. You were just bouncing with enthusiasm, so much, you didn't saw that paper towel in the corner. Just as two ladies entered the bathroom, you tried to compose yourself and stepped on the towel. Much to your horror, you slipped and tripped right there, landing disgracefully on your butt with those two ladies watching you. Excusing yourself, you prayed to the heavens these ladies didn't knew Masaomi.

Umemiya considered himself to be a man skilled in the kitchen. Working in the Akashi household for a couple years now, he thought both Akashi and the Kaneshiro clan alike were happy with his service, considering he hadn't been fired yet. He liked the young Akashi, even though he considered the elder one to be a bastard. Which is why he couldn't help but create a simple dish with suasages and mustard. With the mustard, he had written 'I am sorry your dad is a…' Because he couldn't outright call Masaomi a dick, he figured the sausages would signal the message. Considering he had been coped up in his room ever since his father ordered him to break up with you and he needed to have all his energy to escape to the Kaneshiro mansion, Fujioka came to get him some dinner. When Umemiya represented him the dish, Fujioka couldn't help but burst out in a chuckle. "We cannot possibly serve this." "You mean we shouldn't, but its our final day in this place. You shouldn't take it too seriously old man." Fujioka smiled bemused as his own stomach grumbled. "Can the old man munch on a sausage himself then?" "Eat it up, I say! The man has been a downright dick to serve, right?" Fujioka chuckled once more, before he pulled a fork from a kitchen drawer and ate a sausage, thinking to himself how Shiori had the worst taste in men ever.

[doctors-journal]

21 June

I can’t believe I really did that.

This morning, we were pretending to inspect the power lines again. The detective and I had gotten bored enough that we were discussing the shapes of the clouds when the client’s wife went out. We snuck behind her on the bus again and followed her to a nice restaurant. We got another table a little ways away and ordered our own lunch.

Another woman soon came to meet her. It wasn’t like they were hiding; they kissed before they sat down and held hands on the table. They looked happy together.

The detective motioned for me to stay seated, and he went over to them. They had a brief conversation that I couldn’t hear. When he returned to our table, his expression was grim.

“A quick luncheon, and then it is time we returned to our flat and put this case to rest,” he said.

“Are you going to tell her husband?”

“Yes, with her leave. Some things are better ended, and I expect the both of them will truly be happier for it.”

Neither of us ate much, and we didn’t stay long. The two women were probably relieved when we left; they’d glanced at our table with trepidation a few times in the short time we were there. When we got back to the flat, the detective contacted his client, and he got there not long after we did.

The man rushed into the room full of nervous energy that didn’t dissipate even when the detective waved him onto the couch. “What did you find?” he demanded.

Meanwhile, the detective was like a statue; he leaned back stiffly in his chair. “We have followed your wife and met her lover. Your suspicions are confirmed.”

His client cursed. “I knew it! Who is the bastard?”

“I remind you, good sir, that vengeance has no portion here. Her identity is your wife’s to disclose as she wishes.”

“Her identity? I should have known! That two-timing bitch! She said she had experimented in uni. I should have known she couldn’t help herself!”

I couldn’t stand it any longer and interrupted, looming over him, “I am sorry that your wife is cheating on you, but you have no right to blame her orientation for your marital woes.”

He glanced between the detective and I and sneered, “I see how it is! You’re just like her! You dirty --- are all alike!”

At this point, we were both on our feet, snarling at each other, nearly ready for a fight. Even the detective was up, poised to intervene. At one time, maybe I would have thrown a punch, but instead, in my rage, I turned away from his client and kissed the detective. It was a long, pointed kiss. I finally broke away and faced his client with a flushed face and what I fancy was a fierce glare, but even now, I can hardly imagine what I was thinking.

It’s the sort of thing I would’ve joked about doing once, tired of the jeers of my classmates, but I could never have imagined I would actually have the courage to do it. I guess after everything I’ve seen, one angry, pathetic man no longer seemed so frightening. Or maybe it’s the detective’s audacity that’s rubbed off on me.

His client gave us a final look of disgust and fled.

“Marvellous!” the detective exclaimed when his client was gone. “I could not have done it better myself! I must remember to never run afoul of you—unless that is your typical rejoinder.”

My cheeks flushed. “Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve-”

He waved it off and took out a cigarette, offering me a light. I took it and sat back down.

After a moment of smoking in silence, he said more softly, “Despite everything he said, I still feel sorry for our client—not on account of your retort; that was excellent and well deserved—but I cannot envy any man who has lost his love to another. However, you have certainly made your point that you will not be swayed by the whims of society.”

The way he was looking at me, I wish I knew what he saw.

We each finished a cigarette - one for me and two for the detective - before he got up to start on dinner, and I came up to my room to collect my thoughts.

I hear the detective knocking at the door to my room now. I wonder what it is.

[andromedagarcia]

Andrómeda didn't like thinking about her parents. In general, the term family was not associated with happy memories for her. It reminded her more of having to go pick up Hércules at four in the morning on a Tuesday night because he had been too drunk, or too drugged to go back home of his own. Of making sure Cass ate both lunch and dinner after her first heartbreak, of holding her after until the sunlight came up because she had felt like she was breaking into pieces and needed someone to keep her intact. And neither María or Fernando were available to do those things for them.

She wondered, and not for the first time, how different their life would have been had they had present parents. Parents who went to pick them up from school. Parents who showed up to Cass' Master thesis presentation. Parents who congratulated Hércules on passing all of his exams with flying colors. Would they be happier? Probably.

But the past is the past. And you had to be realistic.

'It really does.' She nods in agreement, trying to keep her voice devoid of any emotion. She didn't feel sorry for herself, she probably would have been able to find another reason to be so angry at the entire world, but she felt sorry for her siblings. They didn't deserve all the things they had to go through. She tried to shush those thoughts. There were wounds that were not meant to heal, but those were precisely the ones that were best not picked at.

'Ah, so you don't completely despise me?' She teases, still smiling, still with that look of mischief in her eyes, now slightly narrowed. She remembers she still has some of her drink left when Chucky orders a new one, and swallows the remains at once. It was mostly water, now that the ice had melted. 'I think I have three days, or so. Tomorrow's perfect.' She accepts the offer, briefly wondering how she's going to make sure they get placed on the same team, but not asking about it. The woman in front of her looked like she could be very... convincing, when she wanted to, especially after everything Andrómeda had learned today.

'If it's hearts, we are fucked.' She laughs.

───⋆☆─────────────

And just as they had agreed, there she was, the day after. In The Beach's lobby, wearing a pair of denim shorts, a black tank top and a pair of sneakers she had been given, that she couldn't help but ask herself if they had previously belonged to someone who was now dead. She didn't really enjoy flat shoes, choosing anything that had a heel over them. She was already very tall, almost reaching 1.80 meters, especially considering Japanese standards, and liked to make herself look even more towering.

But, now what she wanted was to be practical. And survive.

They were about to assign the numbers that would divide all the players into teams.

Andro couldn't help but feel slightly nervous, the palms of her hands covered in a thin layer of sweat, her mouth dry like sand. Her tongue feeling like a strange object inside of it.

She looked around. Chucky should be around here somewhere. But Andrómeda figured the woman would find her, eventually. She had no doubt. She just had to wait, like she was doing, with her arms crossed over her chest and leaning on a wall.

Andro slids her glass of vodka with ice towards Chucky after noticing that hers is empty, indicating to the woman with a nod that she could take a sip if she wanted to, but without interrupting her, really curious about what her answer to the question would be.

'Before... the only difference was that we didn't think about death. Unless something happened. Unless your dad goes to the doctor because, I don't know, it's been ages since his last blood test and then, out of nowhere he receives a call. 'Can you please come pick up the results?' even if they could send them to him by email and they tell him, he is sick and dying. That he has three more months left to live. The cancer is spreading. Or someone you know gets hit by a car. Or you see a Facebook post from someone you went to high school with and it's a fucking obituary.' She sighs, distractedly drawing shapes with her finger on the condensed surface of the glass. A skull. A broken heart. A sad face.

'To be honest, there's no one waiting for me, either. Everyone I love is here.' The words leave her mouth before she properly thinks about them, and it's after she has said them that she realizes she is lying. 'Well, actually... I have a dog. Goliath.' Just saying his name brings a smile to her lips, as if she was talking about a past lover she was still in love with. But Goliath was... her best friend. Her companion. They had a connection, as stupid as it sounded.

The lack of him was the reason she had been waking up every four or three hours every single night since they had arrived here. She was worried sick about where he was, and whether he was doing okay or not, she had to admit. 'It's stupid, but he's the only thing I have in the real world.' She wrinkles her nose at saying those last two words because, who could tell her this was not the "real world"? If this was the way they had to live from now on, using the adjective real to define their previous life, as if whatever came next was fake... It was not the right way of doing things. It was the wrong mindset.

'My parents.' Andrómeda answers, without a doubt, at Chucky's question about the source of her anger issues. 'They are...' She tries to find the word, pursing her lips as she thinks, frowning. 'Very calm. Too calm. They have always been too absent. Never took care of us, so I had to, as the eldest sister. They provided, don't get me wrong but couldn't care less about anything else that we did. And I just... sometimes I needed someone to just grab me, shake me, scream at me, get mad.' Her voice raises slightly, but she closes her eyes for a second, takes a couple of deep breaths, and then proceeds to look at Chucky as if nothing had happened. Nothing at all.

Andro does chuckle at the woman's suggestion of playing their next game together, her smile now slightly higher on one side of her face than the other, that and the way her eyes light up, giving her a playful look. 'Why not?' She does realize that she has just accepted to participate in a game with someone who openly admitted to enjoy killing people. That if something went wrong, and she'd die, nobody would question it, not even her siblings.

But again. She didn't feel like she was in any danger. She actually liked Chucky, and was excited to see where this... friendship? of theirs would lead them.

[jellybeandrawsthings]

☹️hi i dont usually do this thing where i ask for art/thoughts on things but ive had a super bad day and i was just curious as to what your take on your wounded-on-krypton Kara would be doing with Lena if she hadn't of come out as Supergirl but they still met and fell in love- would Kara just be floating around Lena's apartment during quarantine listening to Lena read books and making her gf tea's and flying out to get her her supplies so Lena would stay safe from getting sick? I really love your art.

aww, I'm sorry u had a bad day, I made a little doodle and tried writing a little story for it as well that should answear your queastion about my scarred!Kara and her relationship with Lena if she didn’t became Supergirl (tho I'm not a writer, so its quality might not be the best)  hopefully it will make u feel even just a little bit better

The first time she met Lena, Kara was going to L-Corp to get a prosthetic replacement from their new Cybernetic Futures program since she kind of destroyed her old one.

Okay, she definitely destroyed her old one, but to be fair, who knew kicking a cement boulder with a prosthetic leg made from human metals but with the force of an angry and very frustrated superpowered being would destroy said metal leg. Really, who could've predicted that?

Walking into the building with warm coffee in hand proved to be more difficult than Kara hoped, her busted prosthetic making her wobble every two steps since she didn't have a spare she could wear - this was the spare - and the slippery tiled floor didn't help. Making her way to the elevator she kept glancing down focusing on her steps, this meant she didn't notice when a woman absorbed in her phone walked straight into her path. On instinct, she relaxed her body as to not harm the human she collided with, unfortunately, that meant she lost her barely-there, to begin with, balance and was sent sprawling onto the floor and her coffee splashing straight at the woman's shirt. Perfect. Just what she needed today.

She had an apology already forming on her lips when she looked up and for the first time noticed the woman, no, the goddess she bumped into. Her hair was black, but when it caught the light it shone deep chestnut brown and cascading down her back, her skin was pale and looked so soft Kara found herself wanting to touch it, her fingers twitching at her sides. The woman's eyes were green, though her right eye seemed to be two shades lighter, more gray than green. She wasn't looking at her currently occupied with taking in the state of her clothes. And Rao, her clothes. The outfit was that of a businesswoman, high heels ready to kill, dark burgundy slacks with a matching suit jacket, loose black tie, and a white shirt. A white shirt that was now covered in Kara's coffee. Oh no. She needed to fix this, like, immediately. The best place to start is with an apology, right?

———————

Lena was having a pretty normal day, all things considered. She should have known her days are never normal. She woke up early, ate a small breakfast, and went to work. There she had meetings with investors from 8 to 11, some paperwork to sign, a small meeting with the head of R&D at 12, and now she finally had enough time to take a break and maybe grab some lunch. With a certain sandwich place in mind, she made her way down to the ground floor and, while answering some last-minute e-mail made her way to the exit of the building.

Before she could even make it halfway to the wide double door, she felt something surprisingly solid and at the same time very wobbly bump into her, and then a sudden warmth and wetness on her chest. Looking down at herself confirmed what she already suspected, someone, spilled coffee on her. Thankfully it was only warm and not scalding hot the last thing she needed right now was dealing with coffee-induced burns. Making sure her shirt was the only thing damaged in the incident, Lena paid no mind to the person who bumped into her, that is until a very apologetic voice started talking to her. From the floor. Looking away from her ruined shirt, she took in the person frantically trying to apologize for spilling coffee on her, at least that's what she thinks the woman was trying to do, seeing as at his point she was rambling a mile a minute.

The woman on the floor looked young, probably around the same age as Lena herself, she had blond wavy hair gathered in a messy ponytail and hidden behind cute square-framed glasses, the bluest eyes she has ever seen. There was a burn scar covering most of the left side of her face and neck and more peeking out from under her shirt. Her left leg ended right below the knee, and the prosthetic she was wearing looked like someone put it under an industrial press and then tried to put it back into shape with a hammer. She was wearing blue sneakers, jean shorts, and a yellow tank top with tiny rainbow dinosaurs on it that gave her an unobscured view of the rippling muscles in her arms as she gesticulated wildly still rambling out something resembling an apology.

Taking it all in Lena came to one conclusion. She's cute. And so with warm coffee drying on her chest and a beautiful woman at her feet, really what else was there for Lena to do other than ask the blonde out on a date.

———————

They moved in together after a year of dating. Alex asked if they were sure, but there wasn't a doubt in their minds that this was what they wanted. It felt right. And they were glad for this decision since a few months later, they and most of the world's population were confined to their homes.

Days in quarantine were spent working from home on their laptops with their legs entwined together and sharing a blanket out of the view of the cameras. When they weren't working they were finding new ways to entertain themselves. Slowly making their way through the classics of fantasy and sci-fi literature, with Kara floating them above the couch and Lena laying on top of her chest reading aloud from her Kindle was how they were spending most of the evenings. During the weekends when there was less work, Lena tried to teach Kara how to bake - with mixed results - and Kara made it her mission to recreate as many childhood experiences Lena missed out on living with the Luthors as possible. Her blanket fort wasn't the most structurally sound, but it sure was cozy. Movie nights were a nightly routine, and cooking dinner together became the most sacred daily ritual neither of them dared or wanted to skip. Weekly game nights through zoom were initiated almost immediately after lockdown and to no one's surprise, Lena and Alex's competitiveness did not lessen with the development of not being in the same room. If anything it became worse. Bets about how long will it take for the two of them to start fighting and accusing each other of cheating were as much a tradition as game nights itself. Most days though were spent working and lounging together with Kara occasionally flying out to pick up supplies they needed. And when one day Kara flew through the balcony with two cats and a dog saying there wasn't enough space in shelters, who was Lena to refuse those cute puppy eyes (it didn't hurt that the dog and cats were adorable as well).

[misstressshelby]

The Good The Bad and Everything In-between

Summary: Living with two Shebly men has its ups and downs. A second part of my Lost Boy writing. (I suck at summaries)

Warnings: Language

Word Count:1,856

Paring: Tommy/Reader (Reader is GN but there is a slight refecne to pregnancy)

(A/N: I just want to say thank you for 50 notes on Lost Boy! I didn’t think anyone would he interested in a little headcanon I created. I guess we can all agree Finn deserved better. )

You longed for Arrow House even as it’s large gates came into view. Tommy planned to go eighty percent legitimate by the end of next year so that meant playing nice with the tofts. Spending all afternoon with the wives of Tommy’s business associates had drained you. You couldn’t remember if the pit in your stomach or the thumping in your head started before or after lunch.

All you knew was as soon as you entered the house you instantly felt better. Mary was waiting for you as usual. You had lived in Arrow House for a year now but still weren’t used to having maids around.

“Good afternoon Mrs.Shelby. How was your lunch?” Mary smiled as soon you walked in.

“Long Mary, very long.” You gave a tight smile back. Offering a ‘Thank You” as she took your coat.

Before you could ask her where the rest of your family was, Finn walked out of the living room. He was still wearing his school uniform he claimed to hate because it made him look like a “posh twat”. His tutor Mr.Chapman followed behind him shuffling papers into a briefcase.

“Hello, Finn, how's tutoring going?’ You asked.

‘Yeah, it’s alright.’ The redhead grunted back before moving to go outside.

“Are you finished with your homework?” You questioned already suspecting the answer.

“Nah I got a couple more pages but I wanna go to the stables. I’ll only be an hour I swear it.” Finn gave you the pleading look he’d mastered.

After considering it for a moment you nodded,” An hour Finn. Then you finish up your homework before dinner.”

The boy gave you half a hug on his way out. He had to lean down to capture you in his arms. He was only fifteen but he was already taller than you and your husband though Tom would never admit it.

Watching Finn run out the door you turned your attention to the tutor. The man was standing in the hallway fiddling with his bag uneasily.

“How is he doing Mr.Chapman?'' You finally addressed him.

“Well he’s doing alright I suppose.” He continued seeing your questioning stare. “He’s still struggling with a few concepts but he’s quick to figure things out.”

“Yeah, that’s the Shelby in ‘im” You chuckle to yourself. “Do we owe you for the week?

Shaking his head Mr.Chapman told you “No.No. Mr.Shelby already took care of it.’

Adjusting his satchel he quickly left out the same door as Finn. He never stayed long after their sessions.

Not giving it much thought, you headed straight to your husband’s office. He was already gone when you woke this morning and as silly as it was you missed him. After knocking against the door you pull it open before Tommy’s muffled “come in” could even start.

“Hello, Tommy, how ‘is your day going?” You greet him while making the short walk to his desk.

He looked up from his papers with a cigarette hanging off his lips to give a short “Busy.”, before writing again.

You didn’t let this deter you as you sat on the edge of his desk that wasn’t covered in files. Taking the cigarette from his lips you kissed him as if you had been deprived of him for months.

“The tutor just left. He said Finn is making good progress.” You informed him.

He watched as you took a drag off his cigarette with a glint in his eyes. Knowing you wouldn’t leave until he gave you the attention you demanded he leaned back in his chair.

“How was lunch with Minnie and Ida then?” He asked.

‘It was like every other boring lunch, we sat around and ate tiny food while they complained about the other wives. I've invited Minnie and Richard to dinner next Wednesday.”, You could feel your headache return as you told him.

Tommy gave you a curious look waiting for you to take another drag.

‘She was telling me Richard is looking into investing in the car business while it’s on the rise and all. So I figured we’d have them for dinner and if business happens to be brought up you two can talk about it.” You explain.

“So happens to be brought up?” Tommy teased.

“Yes, it usually happens at these things.” You tell him with a slight smile.

“Now you finish up whatever you’re doing. Dinner will be ready at seven.” You command slipping off the desk while putting the cigarette out in the ashtray.

Your husband let out a loud sigh which was never a good sign.

“Love, I have a lot of work to do ton-’ He started.

“Yes, and you can finish it when you come back from dinner.” You cut him off.

This was the ever-going battle in your home making Tommy stop working and take care of himself. But you’d be damned if you didn’t go down without a fight.

You lean over the side of the desk pulling him lightly by his silk tie into another kiss.

“Thomas Shelby, I will drag you out of this office. Don’t you think for a second I won’t.” You threaten him with a grin.

” Wouldn’t dream of it Mrs.Shelby.”, He smirked back.

At seven on the dot, you all sat down for dinner together as a family.

Finn talked for most of the dinner about school and his favorite football club going to the championship.

You mused about your plans for Minnie’s dinner Wednesday.

Tommy spent most of dinner listening, offering nods or the occasional “yeah”.

Once he and Finn started talking about a horse he wanted to buy for the races he didn’t stop. Long forgotten was the pile of contracts in his office.

For the first time since you woke this morning you were content. The moments you spent with your little family were the ones you cherished the most.

~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of a door slamming startled you awake. While the two voices yelling kept you from falling back to sleep. Before you could wonder what the fuss was about, an acidic taste overtook your mouth. You barely made it to the toilet, your knees hitting the hard floor as the bile rose. By the time you had emptied your stomach laying on the bathroom floor the screaming had stopped.

You couldn’t think about anything over the pounding in your head made worse from the buzzing of the lights. Making your way downstairs you noticed everything irritated you.

The fact that you tripped over Thomas’s shoes you had told him to put away last night. The coldness of the house even though there was a fireplace in almost every room. Even the way Mary greeted you with “Good Morning Mrs.Shelby.” seemed to drip with condescension.

As you reached the dining room you had a feeling the day was going to drag on forever.

Finn was glaring at his eggs while pushing them around his plate. Beside him, Tommy hid behind a newspaper with only a line of smoke to be seen.

The room was tense and you knew neither of the men would say anything first. Stubbornness also ran in the Shelbys.

“Do either of you want to tell what the fuck all the commotion this morning was about?” You snapped sitting in front of your own breakfast.

Finn gave you a glare before starting in,” Yeah Tommy won’t let me go to a football match with me friends. It’s fooking bullshit!”

In return, Tommy put down the paper with a sigh,” You’re not going to Manchester. I’m not discussing this again Finn.”

Both of them looked at you as if you had a say in the matter.

“If Thomas says no the answer is no Finn.” You settled.

“This is complete bollocks. You took me away from me friends in Birmingham and now I’m not allowed to have any friends here either?” Finn screamed standing up from the table.

“We never said you couldn’t have friends Finn. It’s just not the right time to go to Manc-” You tried to calm him down.

“ You’re not me fucking mother you can’t tell me what to do!” He slammed his chair against the table.

“You will not fooking talk too ‘er like that! This is me fooking house and what I say fooking goes.” Tommy said in a cold voice.

The table shook as he slammed his palm down on it, breaking his calm facade.

With that Finn stomped up to his room and Tommy to his office both slamming the door when they arrived.

Waking from a nap you had hoped would help with the sickness you felt you heard silence. You laid in bed for a bit longer feeling tears build up in your eyes. Instead of wallowing, you decided to make peace. You chose to try talking to the youngest first making your way to his room. You knocked on the door.

After waiting to hear a reply or shuffle come from the room you knocked again.

“Fuck off.,” Finn answered.

Ignoring him you opened the door anyway to find him lying on his bed still dressed from this morning. He simply turned away from you to face the wall instead.

You sat on the edge of the bed before trying to talk.

“Finn I know you don’t understand this but Tommy is just trying to keep you safe.” You started.

Finn scoffed and moved closer to the wall.

“I know you don’t know this because you’ve been so busy with school, but we’ve had some trouble in Manchester. There’s a gang up there the Scuttlers, who've been trying to move on us. We can’t protect you there Finn. That’s all it is.” Moving closer you put a hand on his shoulder.

``We're happy you’ve made friends at school really. It’s just one match yeah? You can hang out with them another time.” You tried reasoning.

“Yeah.” He grunted, not moving from his spot.

You decided you would take it before going to deal with the other man child.

You found Tommy sitting in his office chair finishing a drink before pouring another.

“ Who does he think he ‘is eh? Talking to me like that in me own fucking house. I should go up there and-’ Tommy began rambling pointing towards the door you just walked through.

“Tom, it's fine. I talked to him and explained everything. Just give ‘im a week and he’ll forget all about it.”You sat in the chair opposite of him.

Once you said that he seemed to relax a little bit.

“I’m still talking to ‘im later. He will not disrespect me or you like that again.” He told you.

To that, you chuckled, “ He’s a teenage boy Thomas he’s gonna argue. But I agree you should talk to him after you’ve both calmed down.”

Tommy nodded and took another swing of his whiskey. He walked over to where you sat leaning against the desk. To your surprise, he smiled.

“You’d make a good mum you know?” He leaned down to stroke your cheek.

“Yeah about that.” You let out.

[multific]

Solve a Murder

Sherlock Holmes x Reader

Summary: You were desperate. You needed help and so, you turned to the one man in London who would be able to help.

“Mr. Holmes, I’m here to hire you to solve a murder.”

“And who’s murder would that be?”

“Mine.”

“Pardon?” asked Dr. Watson.

“It’s my step-sister. I suspect she and her husband want me dead. You see, I inherited my father’s land when she thought she would be the one to get it. And now, just the way she looks at me. She offers me drinks, way too often, I suspect she is trying to poison me. I fear for my life, and lately I haven’t been feeling well. You need to help me. Find evidence that she is plotting my death so I can go to the police.”

The two men looked at each other. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have come.” you said as you stood up, they made you feel like you were a fool, but then the Doctor spoke up making you look back at him.

“How long have you been suspecting that she is trying to poison you?”

“About a month. My dad died five months ago, I lost my mum when I was little, so he married another woman who gave him my step sister. My step mum died two years ago, or rather disappeared. Dad left everything to me in his will. And my sister was fuming, saying that she was the one to deserve it. Back that I was so sad, I didn’t even realize she said that. During the four months I was grieving, but then I started to notice things.”

“Things like?”

“Her servants bringing me food and tea, which is a nice gesture but...it’s usually after I already ate. And then I started to get sick a lot more often. I’m not one to fall sick easily. The doctor said it was just a cold, but...I know she did something. The look on her face said it all. She looked happy when I was in bed for a week. I tried asking for help, but everyone thinks I’m paranoid.”

“I believe you.” said Watson as he looked back at Sherlock who only rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s clearly only the mind of a woman, making up scenarios. Why are you really here? You are wasting my time.” his words were harsh. And they hurt. Just as the nice Doctor turned to scold his friend, you spoke up, tear running down your face.

“I hope Mr. Holmes, that you will visit my grave one day. I just wish to see your face when you realize that you were wrong.” you said as you stormed out of the house.

You felt so silly. And to think that you were extremely nervous when you decided to seek for his help. You didn’t even realize that you left your scarf at the house. 

***

You were truly helpless, you didn’t have any friends to talk to, your maids were fired by her, leaving only her trusted ones behind. You were trapped in your own house.

And you didn’t have evidence to go to the police either. Although you looked everywhere in the house for signs. But you were unable to find anything, no bottles, no poison, nothing.

The worst however was that you were gradually falling more ill, day after day.

It felt like you were dying from the inside. So, you called the doctor over.

The doctor said that your illness was due to the loss of your father. The doctor blamed depression, but you knew it wasn’t that. Not with the way your sister was smirking and smiling when she thought you weren’t watching.

One day, you felt so terrible, you couldn’t even get out of the bed. 

And from that day on, you didn’t.

You were so ill, the sun hurt your eyes and you felt useless. You just laid in bed, you weren’t even sure for how long.

You had barely any appetite. And you wondered how many days have passed.

***

“Miss Y/L/N, two gentlemen are here to talk to you. They said they brought your scarf back.” one of the maid’s said before they left, leaving the door open to let the two men in. You tried to sit up, look at least presentable, but you were too weak.

“Miss Y/L/N,” you recognized that voice, that calm and kind voice.

“Dr. Watson,” you said smiling at the man, not noticing that Sherlock was also in the room.

“You left your scarf. Don’t get me wrong, My Lady, but you look very ill.” said the doctor as he placed the cloth by your hand. You grabbed it and thanked him.

“The doctor was just here, yesterday I think. Said it’s only depression.” you said letting out a long sigh. 

“That’s ridiculous. I saw people looking more heathy on their death bed. May I examine you?” you gave him a weak nod, then you turned to Sherlock who was standing on the other side of your bed.

“Will you take my case now, or in a few days when I’m gone?” you asked looking at Sherlock. His eyes met yours.

***

Dr. Watson determined that you needed immediate care in a hospital. Although your sister argued with him, telling him that you already are in the care of a doctor. 

That day, Sherlock took your case. He clearly noticed something which he didn’t’t share at the time.

You were in the hospital for three days, and you already felt better. Every day Dr Watson would come over to talk about the case or ask questions. Although you were sure Sherlock was already close to finding evidence.

***

One day, you were finally better, so you could walk around a little. You were sitting outside, reading a book under a tree when you noticed Mr Holmes making his way over to you. 

“It was the food and the water and the tea and the cookies and everything.” said Sherlock as he sat down beside you. “You were poisoned gradually, small portions on everything you ate, and drank. The maid did it, because your sister ordered her to. Both are in custody as we speak for attempted murder.” he said, but even with your suspicions being right, you didn’t feel better.

“Thank you Mr. Holmes. I will pay you as soon as I get out of here.” you said before turning to look up the tree, watching a little bird hop from one branch to the other.

“Hmm.” you didn’t notice the look Sherlock gave you. But he noticed just how much livelier you looked. Your eyes shined, your skin shimmered in the light. You looked a lot better. “So, as I observed, you are not married. Neither am I.” he said.

You had to admit this was the worst possible way someone tried to court you. You looked at him, eyes wide.

“Pardon?”

“I’m saying that I find you quite beautiful and I would like to know you better.”

“Oh.” 

“Oh? That’s it?”

“Don’t get me wrong Mr. Holmes, I appreciate the compliment, it’s just... Your timing, Sir. I am still in hospital because my sister tried to poison me, my brother-in-law is still out there, possibly stealing everything that he can move from my home. And you are...handsome.” 

“Then, I will be back with the same proposition in a few weeks. Ms Y/L/N.” he said as he stood up and left.

You laughed a little, thinking that he was joking.

After all, what could a man like him possibly want from you?

***

It had been almost a month since you left the hospital.

You were half right about your brother-in-law. He did steal a couple of items when he left, but luckily they didn’t mean anything to you, so you were just happy that he was gone. 

You hired new staff and fired everyone. You were not sure who you could trust.

You also made sure that every food and drink was thrown out or went down the sink. You were not taking any chances. 

The fact that you only had 2 members of staff made you do some work you were not used to. You were no brat and you didn’t mind getting your hands dirty, so you helped with the cleaning where you could. 

You were working in the kitchen, cleaning the cupboards when a voice behind you made you startled. You nearly fell off the furniture as you were cleaning the very top shelves.

“Miss, Mr. Holmes is here.” 

“Thank you, Tina! Let him in, please.”

“He is here, Miss.”

This is when you finally turned around and noticed the man smiling up at you. Tina already left to get back to her duties.

“Nice to see you again, Miss Y/L/N. I must admit, every time we meet I can see a different side of yours. I have never seen a lady on the sink, cleaning the shelves.”

“Well, someone has to do it.” you said slowly climbing down. Sherlock helped you, making sure you won’t fall. “I assume you came for your payment. Give me a moment. I put it in an envelope in the library.”

You said washing your hands before heading into the library. You pulled the drawer of your father’s desk out and pulled the envelope out.

“For your speedy resolution, and for Dr. Watson’s help regarding my health, I added a bit extra. Thank you very much.” you said handing him the payment.

“I actually didn’t come for the payment, Ms. Y/L/N.” he said but you watched as he reached out to take the payment from you and slipped in into his pocket. “I’m here to keep my word. What I said in the hospital, I wish to get to know you better. You seem like a very interesting and smart woman. You realized that your sister was bad, even when everyone, including me, thought that you were delusional. I apologize for that.” you honestly didn’t know what to say. You thought he was a man who wouldn’t see you in a romantic matter. But then again, he just mentioned getting to know you.

“Maybe, you can stay over for lunch? I will cook up something nice.”

“You?”

“Yes, I am yet to hire a new cook, and in the meantime I do the cooking, my old nanny taught me a few recipes.”

“Sounds nice.”

And so, he stayed for lunch, dinner and the next day he came over again and every single day after.

He was charming, and the two of you could speak for hours about everything and anything.

Before you knew it, months, and years passed.

You certainly didn’t think that when you decided to go to Baker Street 221B to ask for help, you would find your future husband.

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[taestefully-in-luv]

The Island | KTH (Two)

Summary: You’re just two strangers waking up in a room on a lonely island where a company in the business of love has placed you. They believe that thanks to their in depth research you two are destined soulmates. What happens when your ‘soulmate’ and you want nothing to do with each other but falling in love is the only way to leave?

Pairing: Taehyung x Female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, very slight enemies to lovers, soulmates au, roommate au, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, slight crack, and drama.

Word Count: 10.4k

Warnings: swearing

Notes: Hi everyone! Here’s ch2 of the new story, hope you guys like it. let me know if you want to be added to the taglist, or send an ask if just want to chat!:)

Taglist: @ggukkieland @monvieesdaebak @707sblog @peacedreamer14 @dopedreamfireparty @everythingnamjoon @taebae19 @typicalgenzworld @mooniyooni

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You don’t think you have ever been this bitter in your life—and you have a few things you can be bitter about. You could honestly make a list. But this? This is the ultimate bitterness and you hate it. It is driving you absolutely nuts! You’re alone with a man on an island…that’s lonely enough, right? Well, said man doesn’t even want to talk to you…that makes it ten—no, a million times more lonely. And you have every right to be bitter about that. So, yes maybe you are being a little petty when guys do interact.

It’s not like you are trying to purposely be petty, no, it’s not like that. You just can’t help your smart ass mouth or how childish you can become. Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind completely though, he just has his own smart ass comments or he becomes childish himself. It’s a horrible mix! Neither of you win! And you always want to have the last word but with Taehyung as your opponent it’s almost impossible.

“Maybe if you weren’t always following me, they would have sent us home by now.” Taehyung states bitterly as he puts his slice of bread on top of his now made sandwich.

“I’m not following you.” You roll your eyes, “I have to eat too.”

“You can’t wait until I’m done?”

“You look pretty done to me…” You point at his sandwich and he scoffs.

“I still have to eat it.”

“Eat in your room for all I care.”

You and Taehyung are getting along just fine…maybe not swimmingly but like, fine. It’s been a couple weeks and you have mostly stayed out of one another’s way but it’s moments like this that you end up interacting.

“I think I’ll eat at the table, thanks.” He grabs his sandwich and makes his way to the dining room table, sitting down with a thump. He aggressively picks up his sandwich and takes a bite while showing you a smart ass smile.

“Fantastic,” you state, “Me too.” You finish pouring milk into your cereal bowl and set it back inside the fridge. You dramatically make your way over to the table as well, giving him a wide grin as you sit down in front of him. You slightly slam your bowl down on the table, some milk dribbling over the edge of the bowl and Taehyung snarls.

“Great, you’re making a fucking mess.”

“If you went up and ate in you room you would have no idea about this mess.”

“But you still would have made this mess?”

“Ignorance is bliss, Taehyung.”

“You’re such a…” he stops, setting his lips into a firm line and you lean your head forward, clearly curious about what you are.

“Such a…?” you blink at him repeatedly and his lips curve upward into a charming smile.

“A fucking brat.” Taehyung grabs his sandwich again and takes an obnoxious bite while grinning and you give him your best annoyed eye roll.

Okay, maybe a little less than fine. This company has got it all wrong! All. Fucking. Wrong. You two are barely getting along! It’s just eye roll after eye roll, smart ass comment after smart ass comment. That’s it. That’s the relationship. Taehyung barely spares you a glance throughout the day. You do your own thing and he does his. You won’t lie though…you are curious what he gets up to…the last week he has left the house and doesn’t come back until sunset…and he comes back sweaty and exhausted.

You want to ask what he does, you do, you really do. But something tells you he wouldn’t even tell you even if you begged. And you’re not about to beg for this asshole.

So, you guys keep to yourselves save the occasional breakfast/lunch/dinner run in. While he does god knows what, you have also been trying to keep yourself busy. You have recently learned to cook a couple meals, nothing too fancy but you feel proud. You play a lot of games, read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies.

But to put it simple—You’re bored. Fucking bored. You miss human interaction. You hate to say it but your food run ins are mostly on purpose at this point…you just want someone to chit chat with for a few moments even if its unpleasant conversation—because hey! At least it’s conversation.

You and Taehyung eat in silence after your little convo, he and you share strange eye contact…you call it strange because it’s more like he glares at you and you glare at him. Your eyes never leave one another. You feel like he’s trying to cast like, black magic on you, maybe something where if he glares enough you will burst into flames. You assume this because that’s exactly what you’re doing.

“Stop looking at me.” Taehyung finishes his last bite, wiping his mouth clean with a napkin.

“You stop looking at me.” You fire back and he sighs, folding his arms across his chest.

“Why would I look at you?”

“Why would I look at you?” you mock, shoving a spoonful of cereal into your mouth and Taehyung squints at you.

“Oh yeah, real mature y/n.” His lips curl inward and he relaxes his arms at his sides as he stands from the table.

“I’m going to my room now.”

“You literally don’t have to announce everything you do.” You raise the bowl to your lips and drink back the leftover milk. You don’t want to look at Taehyung’s expression, you know you’re being ruder than usual. You’re just bitter. Yeah, pretty god damn bitter. You hear Taehyung release a long breath, and you’re starting to think he’s right, maybe you are a brat.

“Goodnight y/n.” he says much softer than you were expecting.

Yeah, maybe you are a brat.

~~~~~~

You’re snuggled up on the living room sofa, the TV plays some cartoon movie you found on the shelf (obviously one of his picks). The movie is on a low volume as you have a book in your hands. You just started it this morning and you have not put it down, it’s called The Roommate, a funny and sexy novel. Too bad your own roommate is nowhere near funny nor sexy. Okay, maybe he’s a little sexy. But his attitude is the opposite of sexy so therefore he isn’t sexy. Yeah, totally. Whatever you have to say to yourself, right? It’s evening now and you’re almost done with the book, you have hardly taken a break from reading. This reminds you of your last memories before the island…the night before you were…kidnapped. Yeah, kidnapped. That’s how you would describe it.

The night before you were like this…snuggled on your sofa in your parent’s house…

“All I’m saying is it doesn’t seem like you’re trying that hard to—”

“Honey, relax.” Your dad cuts in. Your mom is going on and on again about how you still haven’t found another job.

“Relax? Our daughter suddenly left her job and moved back to town!” Your mother throws her hands up, “And she won’t even tell us why!”

You sit here, your knees to your chest as you read your book. You try your best to ignore your mother…you two have rarely ever seen eye to eye. If you told her why you “quit” your previous job and why you had to move back home she would probably find a way to blame you.

“She will tell us when she’s ready.” You hear your dad whisper to your mother. “Don’t push her, you know that makes it worse…”

You can’t help but nibble on your lips, starting to feel the anxiety build. You try to focus on the words on the pages in front of you but they’re beginning to become blurred.

“Oh what is she 5 years old? You treat her like a child! She’s an adult she can handle a little confrontation.”

Your eyes lose focus on the words in front of you, instead all you see is blurred vision thanks to the tears that try to visit.

“I’ll be going to sleep now.” You announce, closing your book and setting it on the end table next to the sofa. “Goodnight.” You grab your phone and stand from your place on the couch. Thankfully, your dad offers a soft ‘goodnight sweetie’ and your mom just nods her head.

You make your way down the hall to your bedroom, opening and closing the door quickly. You lean back on the bedroom door and sigh out, blinking away any tears that tried to appear. You won’t cry. Not again. You feel your phone buzz in your hand, startling you. You unlock your phone to see who messaged you when you see it lit up with a notification from him. You feel your whole world collapsing. Why the fuck is he messaging you?

You stare at your books pages, in deep thought as you recall your last night before the island. You don’t want to remember honestly. You shake your head, ridding yourself of your thoughts when the side door opens in the kitchen. It’s Taehyung. He’s sweaty and clearly exhausted again…what the hell does he do outside for so many hours?

“Hi.” You say, looking up at him from your book. Wait. Why did you greet him?

“Hi…?” Taehyung is just as surprised as you are, with his wide eyes and open mouth. He scrunches his brows together as he eyes you. He gives you a small wave, confusion written all over his face as he begins walking through the entry way and heading upstairs.

You sit here embarrassed as hell. Why did you say hi? And why was your voice so high pitched? You turn red, redder than you probably can imagine. You drop your face in your book and groan, wishing you didn’t say something as simple as ‘hi’.

You have to remind yourself you two aren’t talking. That your roommate here at Casa de la Trapped, isn’t looking to become buddy buddy with you. Which sucks because you are human, you know, a social creature. What’s the harm in becoming friends? Sure you two banter, but you can tell he isn’t a bad guy. You just don’t get any bad vibes from him, in fact sometimes it seems like he’s forcing himself to be closed off.

You try to go back to your book when you hear a faint yelp from upstairs. Did Taehyung just kind of…scream? You sit here with your book, your ears in the direction of the stairs trying to listen for any indication that something is wrong. But it’s silent. You decide to go back to your book when you hear the noise of Taehyung running down the stairs. He is out of breath by the time he reaches you, standing next to the sofa.

You quite literally choke on your spit when you see him. This boy just don’t give a damn, huh? He’s standing here, trying his best to breathe evenly with nothing but a dark red towel hanging lowly around his hips. You gulp at the sight of him. You knew he probably had a nice body but you were not expecting this. His strong build surprises you, his soft, caramel skin glows even in this lighting and his muscles flex with every movement.

“Uh,” you begin, setting your book down again, “Can I help you?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.” Taehyung rushes to say, he sounds much different than usual. His voice is usually calm and deep but right now it’s panicked like a child.

“With what?”

“There’s a spider in the shower, I need you to take care of it.”

“You want me to kill a spider for you?”

“Kill?” Taehyung brings a hand to his chest, a shocked expression on his face. “All life is precious, y/n.” he pouts. “Just get it and take it outside.”

You tilt your head and try not to laugh as you look at him…he looks bothered, that’s for sure. But god, what a baby. Can’t even take care of a small bug by himself.

“Fine. Show me where it’s at.” You rise from the couch, pointing at the direction of the stairs.

“Yes, yes. I’ll lead the way!” Taehyung walks quickly. He makes his way upstairs with you following right behind him. He leads you into the bathroom when he brings back the shower curtain to show you the spider.

“Well?” you ask expectantly. “Where is it?”

Taehyung turns to face you, his face as white as a ghost.

“It was just here, I swear.”

You roll your eyes as you fight back a grin.

“Sure, Taehyung. Are you sure you weren’t just trying to show off your body?” you shamelessly drag your eyes down his body and he goes red.

“W-Why—why would I do that?” he murmurs out, “Plus, I am sure you’ve already imagined what I look like without clothes.” He recovers quickly, a smirk making its way on his face.

“Not likely.” You say nonchalantly. “Well, if there’s no bug—”

“Wait! You don’t expect me to use this shower still, do you?” He looks panicked again, like a small child.

“Uh, yes?”

“The spider could be lurking anywhere! Let me use your shower.” He suggests, loving his own idea. You on the other hand, do not love his idea.

“Nah.”

“Nah?”

“Yeah, nah.”

“y/n…” He whines, “Please. I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” You raise a brow, a small smirk creeping on your face. “Okay, have breakfast with me tomorrow. And you actually have to talk to me.”

“y/n…” he warns. “You know we shouldn’t do that.”

“And I want 5 facts about you.” You stand your ground, your hands on your hips as you speak. “And I’ll give you 3 about me.”

“How is that even fair?”

“I’m the rule maker here, Taehyung.” You narrow your eyes at him, “Get used to it.”

Taehyung walks closer to you, his breaths reaching your skin.

“Oh y/n.” Taehyung’s voice goes low, “I definitely make the rules.” There’s a moment of strange tension as he stares down at you…then he’s speaking again. “If you only give 3 then I only give 3. That’s the deal.”

You stare up into his dark eyes and you struggle to swallow your own spit, he might only have a few inches over you but maybe they are a little intimidating.

“F-Fine. Use my shower.” You step out of his way and gesture towards your room. “See you at breakfast tomorrow.” You wink.

Taehyung rolls his eyes but this time it almost seemed playful and not overly dramatic. You don’t want to get your hopes up but when he’s not being closed off and frankly, rude, he’s really not that bad.

“Don’t get used to these types of deals.” Taehyung throws over his shoulder as he walks to your room. “Basically, don’t get used to me.” He says a little quieter, but you still hear him and you frown.

“Like, I would want to!” you yell out.

Taehyung does not want to leave this shower, ever. He’s almost kind of bitter that he let you have this room! You get the awesome rain shower and he’s stuck with some plain, basic shower head in the guest bathroom. He eyes all the different bottles that sit on the shelves inside the shower, these must be all the bottles you use in your real life, he thinks. He grabs the shampoo and opens it to sniff it. He’s never gotten close enough to you that he can smell your hair but man, this is what you smell like? Delicious. He squirts a generous amount of the shampoo in his palm with an evil glint in his eye and massages it into his scalp. Whoops, did he just use your shampoo? Oh well. He rinses his hair out and uses your conditioner as well, but he doesn’t stop there. He uses your body wash too! It smells divine and its making his skin so soft.

Taehyung just knows that him using your shit would bother you, he just gets that vibe. And he’s not sure why but riling you up is quite fun. Taehyung turns the water off and grabs his towel and starts drying off…he steps out on to the shower mat and eyes the room as he dries himself. He sees you organized all your lotions and whatever other products onto the sinks counter top, he sees how empty “his side” of the sink is. It previously held all his belongings that he had moved into his bathroom—the guest bathroom.

“Are you almost done in there?” He hears you knocking on the door. “I want to take a shower before bed!”

“Yeah, yeah.” He whispers out, “Hold on!”

Taehyung wraps the towel around his hips again and goes towards the bathroom door, he stops to check himself out in the mirror before opening the door.

“I’m all done, cry baby.” He rolls his eyes and you secretly hope they get stuck like that for how much he does it.

“Me, the cry baby? You wouldn’t even use your own show—”

“—anyway, bathroom is all yours.” He breezes past you, but stops before exiting the bedroom. “Um…” he turns around, “See you in the morning.” And then he’s walking out.

~~~~~~

You made eggs, bacon, pancakes, and have fresh fruit in a bowl all set up on the dining room table. For some reason you are too nervous to call out for Taehyung and let him know that breakfast is ready…you know, 30 minutes ago. You just patiently wait, sitting here tapping your fingers against the wooden table.

Another 20 minutes pass by when you hear faint footsteps from upstairs…he must now just be getting up, you think. You rush to reheat up some of the food before he makes his way downstairs. You set the bacon, eggs and pancakes back down on the table and make yourself busy like you haven’t just been waiting for almost an hour.

Taehyung finally walks through the kitchen, his face evident with sleep and his hair sticking out in all directions. He blinks at you lazily before his eyes widen in panic.

“B-Breakfast. I forgot—”

“It’s okay, I just finished.” You cut him off with a strained smile. “I see you like to sleep in.”

“Most days, yeah. Because I go to bed so late.” He admits sheepishly. Then he smirks. “Can that be fact number 1?”

“I’ll allow it.”

“Oh, you’ll allow it? How gracious of you.” Taehyung takes a seat at the dining room table and he starts with grabbing two pancakes from the pile and setting them down on his plate.

“You cooked all of this?” He asks, surprised.

“No, the other people who live here did it.” You deadpan.

“Always a smart ass.” He says while pouring syrup all over his pancakes, “Aren’t you going to sit down?”

“Right…” you make your way to the table and take a seat in front of him. You start with some pancakes as well, waiting for him to finish with the syrup so you can pour your own generous amount. He notices you waiting, his eyes finding yours and the corner of his mouth twitches into a sort of half smile. He slides the syrup across the table and your hand goes out to grab it, your fingers touching his.

“S-Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

You both get out at the same time. You stare at one another for another few seconds before Taehyung rolls his eyes,

“Big deal, our fingers touched. No need to get weird.” He chuckles, and you feel your heart feel all fucking weird.

“Anyway,” you clear your throat, “What’s fact number 2?”

Taehyung takes a bite of his pancakes and moans into the syrupy mess, his eyes finding yours again.

“Oh? You’re greedy for information.”

“I’m a little greedy.” You admit, “So?”

“Fact number 2…I’m almost 5’11.”

“So you’re 5’10. Just say you’re 5’10.”

“But I’m not just 5’10. Because I am almost 5’11.” He groans, “Can’t you just humor me here?”

“Okay Mister 5’11.” You laugh, “My fact number 2 is that I have one older sister.”

Taehyung nods his head, remembering the picture of you and some other girl that you looks a lot like you.

“I see.” He swallows his food, “So you’re the baby of your family?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” He smirks at you, “You have that baby of the family vibe.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you give him a curious look and he looks at you like you can’t be serious.

“Because you’re…you know,” he gestures towards you with a knowing look and you scoff.

“No, I don’t know.”

“Brat.” He states simply. “Because you’re a brat.”

“Whatever.” You grab for some eggs and bacon, and Taehyung does the same.

“So, what’s fact number 3?” you ask, piling some eggs onto your plate.

“Already want the last fact? We are barely just eating.” Taehyung points out. He shovels some eggs onto his own plate once you are done, and sticks a piece of bacon into his mouth.

“Greedy, remember?” you remind him with a smirk. “So?”

“I’m sure you already gathered this but…I’m an aspiring musician.”

“I figured you were…that, or an artist.”

“Art is just a really fun hobby for me.” He admits. He loves to paint but singing and making music is where his true passion lies.

“What’s your last fact?” he stuffs his face with another piece of bacon, you watch him as he eats the crispy meat.

“Umm…” you look up at the ceiling as you think, “I used to think I looked bad in sun glasses but then I got over that…so now I buy any cool, funky sunglasses I can find.”

“That’s a really random fact.” Taehyung chuckles, “I like cool, funky sunglasses too.”

“Wow, are you saying we actually have something in common?” you tease, bringing a forkful of eggs to your mouth.

“Don’t get used to it.” He says dryly. “Since we said all of our facts, I guess I can go now.”

“You’re not going to finish your food? Taehyung…” you place your hands on the table. “They’re not going to assume just because we are talking that we are falling in love for Christ’s sake.”

“Don’t want to give them any ideas.” Taehyung says a bit harshly. Your face falls into a frown and you stand from the table.

“You can finish your food. I’ll leave.”

Taehyung blinks up at you and opens his mouth to say something but he remains quiet. You shake your head at him and walk off into the living room. If he wants to continue this “Little to no interaction” thing then so be it!

Taehyung sits here with his appetite lost. He holds his fork in his hand out in front of him and attempts to cut into his pancakes when he just gives up. He drops the fork onto the table and sighs out.

“y/n…” he calls out but you ignore him. “y/n!”

“Don’t talk to me.” You say with as much attitude you can muster and Taehyung silently mocks your words. He grabs his fork and aggressively cuts into his pancakes and takes a bite.

“Fine by me!” He yells out with his mouth full.

“You’re so annoying!” You groan and Taehyung silently mocks your words again but you can’t see him.

“And you’re a brat!” He says stuffing his mouth with another slice of pancake.

Great. For a moment there you thought you two could almost get along but he is set on this bullshit of not talking. You walk to the shelves in the living room and choose a new book, another romance novel. You take a seat on the couch, and curl up into a blanket. Taehyung can do whatever he wants! You’re going to enjoy your book and forget all about his annoying ass.

~~~~~~

Taehyung is finally dressed into some shorts and a sleeveless shirt as he makes his way out of the house. He is going to continue working on his little…project. You are probably wondering what he gets up to everyday, he thinks.

He is working on building a raft. He wants to escape this island but he doesn’t know how to build a fucking raft and this company didn’t necessarily give him the tools to escape. But he’s figuring it out. He is quite literally breaking tree branches and going from there. But it is taking time but apparently he has all the time in the world. 3 months? 6 months? A year or even more? He releases a long breath as he walks the path to where his “raft” is. If anything it’s just nice to get out of the house and breathe the island air. This whole thing kind of just gives him something to do and he knows this may not really work but he’s got to try. He’s a man of action after all.

He finally sees his “raft” chilling against a tree close to the beach and he walks up to it. Already feeling frustrated just looking at the pathetic thing. He has to make it big enough for two people…he isn’t an asshole, he doesn’t plan on escaping by himself, leaving you here.

He goes to his knees and holds it up, he feels his frustrations bubble over and he throws it to the ground. How the hell is he supposed to escape with this shitty thing?

He slams his eyes shut and sinks into the sand. He wants to go home. Things aren’t easy here…he can’t sleep. He is surprised he’s eating as much as he is, and he has mostly bad interactions with you. And he knows that it’s his fault. But he knows this is for the best but he can tell it’s not what you want. To be honest, this is actually really hard for him. He tries to come off as cold and closed off so you won’t take an interest in him but he’s dying! He wants to talk to you too! He is probably one of the most social of his friends! He has a lot of friends and he loves talking and hanging with them.

Taehyung feels his eyes become wet with hot tears and he grits he teeth together in irritation. He wishes he was home with his friends, with his family, with the girl he likes. He misses everyone so bad. He knows the night you two were “kidnapped” was the last day of the year, meaning they started this experiment January 1. He recalls his last few nights before the island…it was his birthday.

“No! I want him to open my present first!” Jimin whines and Taehyung can’t help the wide grin that adorns his face.

They’re all out at a bar, the music is loud and the alcohol is nonstop. Taehyung is surrounded by his closest friends, plus Hana—the girl Taehyung has been crushing on for the last year. She brought along a couple of her friends to this night out of celebration.

“He can open whoever’s he wants first…which is mine, right?” Jungkook hands Taehyung a box and Taehyung chuckles.

“Just for that, your two are going last.” Taehyung says, “How about I open Namjoon’s first since he planned this night?”

Namjoon gives the other two boys a cocky grin as he hands Taehyung a bag.

“Can I go after Namjoon?” Hana’s sweet voice is heard over the blaring music. She looks absolutely gorgeous tonight, her pink dress doing her a million favors. Not that she needs the favors, she’s always gorgeous.

“Y-Yeah.” Taehyung blushes, “But you didn’t have to get me anything…”

“Really? You practically yelled at us when you thought we weren’t getting you anything.” Jimin playfully comments.

“Shut up dude.” Taehyung grits out, “Anyway, let’s see what Joonie got me.”

The night went on, the music got louder, the alcohol kept on coming. Taehyung is so happy. Everything is perfect. He doesn’t think anything can ruin his good mood.

“Want to dance with me?” Hana’s words leave her pretty, pink lips and Taehyung finds himself nodding yes before he can even register what she said. He would literally do anything she wanted.

“Then come.” She waves him over with her small, manicured hand.

Hana and Taehyung end up on the dance floor for quite some time…he’s too drunk to be nervous like he usually is. His large hands grip at her tiny waist as he brings her in closer, she lightly moans when she feels his hard body against her.

“We should talk.” Hana breathes out, “About us.”

Taehyung’s eyes go wide, panic starting to make its way into his body.

“What about us?”

Hana chuckles lightly, she goes on her tip toes and places a soft, sweet kiss against Taehyung’s lips.

“Nothing bad, I promise.” She takes his hand and leads him outside the bar, out to a little patio. Taehyung has a huge smile on his face as he follows her outside…it’s not the first time they’ve kissed but he still can’t get used to it.

“You like me right?” she asks, pointing to herself. She’s got that sweet smile and Taehyung feels his nerves spiking.

“Yes.” He finally breathes out.

“Good. Because I like you too.” She admits, she closes her eyes for a moment, Taehyung spots the golden eye shadow that is painted over her lids. She opens her eyes again and he spots a sadness in them.

“But…” she begins and Taehyung feels his smile fade.

“But what?”

“No…it’s nothing.” She clears her throat, “You should take me on a date. And soon.” She giggles. Taehyung feels his smile grow and he nods his head.

“I would love to. We can—”

“Hey Tae!” Hobi’s voice cuts him off, “Yoongi says he just got off work and is on his way!!” He cheers happily. Taehyung turns to face Hobi and gives him a thumbs up before he’s spinning back around to Hana.

“Let’s go inside. We can discuss more on our date.” She smiles, taking his hand again.

“Sure.” Taehyung grins, his stomach doing a million flips. “Let’s go!”

Taehyung feels a few tears escape his closed eye lids as he sits in the sand. It’s too early to be in this state, Taehyung thinks. But alas, he can’t help it. He misses his life. This island put his life on complete hold. What if he’s stuck here for a year? Would Hana wait for him? It’s not like he’s expecting her to…but he thinks he would wait for her.

He stands to his feet, wiping his face of any leftover tears and he begins working for the day. He finds new trees with branches that would be easy to cut down and he resumes his little project. Hours and Hours go by and Taehyung is sitting on the beach’s sand and staring out at the water. He’s tired, he’s sweaty and he’s hungry.

Taehyung starts making his way back to the house now that the sun is setting. It’s pretty orange glow sets a relaxing mood and Taehyung feels grateful. He walks up to the side door that leads to the kitchen and watches you from the window. You look calm as usual and he feels himself feeling frustrated all over again…how are you so calm? He was having a meltdown on the beach earlier and here you are cooking dinner with a small smile on your face. He doesn’t understand you. Does this whole situation not bother you? No…he knows it has to bother you but how are you able to be so relaxed about it?

He opens the door and walks inside, startling you. You bring a hand to your heart when you see him but then visibly relax after a moment or two.

“You scared me.”

“Sorry.” He mumbles lamely. And then he’s walking up the stairs leaving you to your lonesome.

~~~~~

Month: 1

It’s been a month. A whole month! It seems Taehyung has gotten even more distant with you…no major interactions since you two had breakfast together. He keeps his comments to you brief in passing and he barely makes eye contact. You’re fed up. You’re lonely. You need interaction and you can’t always cater to him! He can suck it up for once and do what you want.

Feeling brave, you give yourself a pep talk in your bathroom mirror. That’s right, you are going to just go for it! You are going to demand that he hang out with you. You fix your hair in the mirror and nod to yourself. Yeah, you got this. You exit your room and stroll down the hall to his bedroom, once you are standing in front of it you lean your head against the door, your ear lying flat against it as you try to listen for him. The room sounds pretty quiet…maybe he’s sleeping? No, no. You’re just trying to find an excuse not to do this, aren’t you? Ugh, pathetic.

You raise your fist up and begin knocking on his door. You’re left with silence…you’re being ignored. So you knock again. And again. And ag—

“What?!” Taehyung swings open the door, revealing that he was indeed maybe sleeping. His hair is doing that funny thing where it sticks out in every direction and his eyes are barely open.

“This better be important.” He huffs out.

Suddenly, you feel a wave of shyness wash over you. You feel kind of bad you interrupted his nap…but you got to stay strong.

“Please hang out with me.” You blurt out.

“Huh?” Taehyung looks at you as if you’re crazy. “Not happening.” He quickly says.

“Just play a game with me, or maybe we could watch that movie…”

“I don’t want to do anything with you.” He raises his voice just the slightest and you flinch.

“Yeah? You think I want to do things with you? Like you specifically? Hell no! But I just want to do something damn it!” you flail your arms up, and breathe out heavily. “I am so fucking tired of always being by myself, it’s literally driving me insane.” You admit, you look off to the side as tears threaten to wet your eyes. “I am alone every single day. It has been a month, Taehyung? Did you know that? You’ve left me lonely for an entire month! I am going fucking crazy!” you bring your hands to your hips, “I have tried learning to cook all these god damn recipes as a way to distract myself but dude, I don’t even like cooking. I read all day too…I have all these imaginary book friends and that’s where I meet my social needs, isn’t that insane? Oh my god, I am going insane. And you?! How are you okay?!”

Taehyung is left speechless at your rant. He realizes that this loneliness is really getting to you…he admits he isn’t much better. But he kind of likes that you’re beginning to spiral. Is that mean?

“W-What game?” he juts out his bottom lip as his eyes slide to the side.

You stare at him with wide eyes as your chest heaves. You screw your eyes closed, and bring a hand to your head.

“What game?” you open your eyes to look at him, “That’s all you have to say?”

“What game y/n?”

You glare at him, huffing out deep breaths trying to calm yourself.

“Mortal Kombat.” You spit out, “I really want to kick your ass.”

Your fingers work the buttons on the controller as you test out every god damn combo you can…and damn it is working because you are on fire.

“You could have warned me that you actually know how to play…” Taehyung pouts.

“You should have just taken my word for it, you loser.” You continue to kick his ass in the game, you are pretty good at pretending his character is actually him.

“One more game, y/n.” Taehyung begs, “I will beat you!”

“You haven’t won even one match, Taehyung. Just admit you suck.” You chuckle darkly.

You press a few more buttons until you see the word ‘Fatality’ grace your screen, you stand up in excitement yelling out your victory, you laugh like a god damn maniac and he can’t help but chuckle. Taehyung throws his controller to the ground and pouts dramatically.

“I know what will make you feel better.” You turn to face him, calming down.

“Nothing will heal this wound, y/n.” He states, throwing the sofa’s designated blanket over his body.

“How about we watch that movie you like so much?” you offer with a smile but Taehyung goes stiff at your question.

“I think we should just call it for the day…” he looks awkwardly to the side and you slump your shoulders.

“Oh…okay.”

“Listen…it’s not you—”

“Just stop.” You hold your hand up, “You want nothing to do with me, I get it.”

“y/n…” Taehyung looks down at his hands…he does feel bad. It’s not like he didn’t have fun with you just now. He just wishes this was all different.

“I’ll be in my room—”

“Teach me how to make one of the recipes you learned.” He cuts in.

“What?” you ask, completely off guard. “What?” you repeat.

“I said,” Taehyung breathes out, “Teach me how to make one of the recipes you learned.” He’s not just trying to be nice…he’s also, you know, hungry.

You hate yourself because you light up like the sun almost immediately. You wish you were strong and you could tell him to fuck off but instead you become the god damn sun from how brightly you shine.

“Really?” you ask with the most hopeful eyes.

“Yeah.” Taehyung laughs, “Really.”

“You mean…you want to actually spend time with me?” you ask bluntly.

“I guess you can put it that way if it makes you feel better.” Taehyung rolls his eyes, but it’s in that playful way you only ever get to see so often.

“It does make me feel better actually.”

“Well, then.” He stands up and motions his hand towards the kitchen. “Shall we?”

“Are you going to be annoying the whole time?” you ask, “Or will you be serious about learning?”

“God, woman.” He rolls his eyes again. “I hope I annoy the shit out of you.”

“Oh, you already do.” You gesture for him to go to the kitchen first.

“You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“Somehow I believe you.” This time it’s your turn for the dramatic eye roll. “Now come on.”

“Oh my god. You aren’t even listening!” you yell out over Taehyung’s nonstop humming and whistling.

“I truly believe cooking is like an art, you know?” he continues to whistle some made up tune, “These instructions are like…a guide but you can kind of do what you…” he makes a fist with his hand and shakes it in front of his face. “… you want.” He finishes. “Yeah, these are more like suggestions.”

“Can we please just follow the directions.” You deadpan. “I want this to taste the way it’s supposed to!”

“You’re no fun.” Taehyung says nonchalantly. “Cooking should be fun.”

“Cooking is so we can eat.”

“These dumplings are going to taste fine, y/n.” He assures you with a grin.

“You say that but…” you look at his pile of failed dumplings. “But…” you show him with your hand the absolute mess he’s made.

“Your point?” He raises a single brow and you scoff. There’s no way he is serious, absolutely no way.

You notice Taehyung is staring at you, his eyes look everywhere but your eyes and you start to feel nervous under his gaze. He has one of those dark, intense gazes that you just can’t shake off your mind.

“What?” you finally ask. “Something on my face?” you joke.

“Actually, yes.” He blurts out. “So much flour.”

“Oh.” You start to turn red with embarrassment, “Where? Here?” you point to various spots on your face with a towel and he just shakes his head.

“No, there.” He points but you still miss it.

“Just clean it off me!”

“You want me to touch you?”

“Yes, please touch me.” Then your eyes expand in size. “Wait, that sounds wrong.”

“You have a dirty mind, y/n.” Taehyung shakes his head again, “You’re just all kinds of dirty.”

“Oh my god, stop.” You look at him with your flustered as hell face, your face is probably redder than ever and it feels so fucking hot.

“Here.” Taehyung grabs the towel from your hands and begins wiping your face clean. “Your face isn’t dirty anymore.” He pulls his hand back, “But your mind still is, huh?”

“Will you just shut up?”

“Will you just shut up?” he mocks how you usually would and you roll your eyes. Hard.

“Doesn’t feel good does it?” He teases, “Getting a taste of your own medicine.”

“Can we please just focus on this recipe?”

“Fine.” He breathes out, “Except I will ignore this recipe completely and do what I think my ancestors want me to do. They whisper in my ear that these need more garlic.”

“You are so annoying.”

“You are so annoying.”

“Okay, I get it, Taehyung.”

You reach behind you and untie your apron and place it on its hook by the pantry. You walk over to the dining room table and take a seat.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Taehyung quirks a brow as you rest your head on the table.

“Resting. Letting you do all the work. You can cook from now on. I give up.”

Taehyung shakes his pointer finger at you and walks your way.

“Oh no, no, no.” he grabs on to your arm and begins dragging you up. “This was your idea so we are cooking together.”

“Uh, actually this was your idea.”

“Oh.” Taehyung’s mouth hangs open as he realizes how true that is. “Not one of my better ideas…” he admits.

“Oh? Do you usually have good ideas?” You make your snarky comment and Taehyung let’s go of your arm.

“Usually the best.” He says, a cocky smile making its way on his stupidly handsome face.

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

“Well, you don’t know me.”

“Oh? And whose fault is that?” You jab at him and he visibly deflates.

“You know 3 things about me actually.” He gives you a half smile.

“All I remember is that you’re almost 5’11.”

“Well, that one was the most important. So your head is in the right place.”

Taehyung doesn’t realize it because you didn’t say anything but his face is full of flour as well. You stare up at him and start to laugh. Taehyung looks at you, confused. An adorable pout forms on his lips as he begs you to tell him what’s so funny.

“Your face.” You point at him and his fingers go to touch his skin.

“Clean me.” He commands. “I cleaned you, it’s only fair.” He points out.

You nod your head and walk towards the counter to grab the towel, Taehyung follows closely behind you. You turn around quickly and your chest bumps into his.

“Oh sorry.” He says while scratching the back of his neck, “I got too close.”

You nod lamely, but neither of you step back. Maybe expecting the other to do it? You decide to ignore that and you reach up to clean his face. He has flour everywhere. No joke. This dude is messy. You kind of laugh as you wipe his face clean, he can’t help but laugh too. His breath mingling with yours as you two giggle.

“We are kind of a mess.” He admits, his tone is soft—almost shy. You slow down the patting on his skin and you gaze into his eyes for a moment. They’re dark. They’re powerful. You feel yourself getting lost in the moment when Taehyung clears his throat and you bring your hand back down.

“There.” You say, “All done.”

“Should we finish cooking?” Taehyung grins down at you.

“I don’t know, what do your ancestors say?”

“They say you’re a smart ass.”

~~~~~~

“Do you think we could…we could do this again?” You and Taehyung are standing outside your bedroom door. Why did Taehyung walk you all the way to your door? The world may never know.

“Do what exactly?” he asks as he sways back and forth in front of you

“Play a game…or cook dinner…or you know just hang out.”

“Maybe… once a week we can play a game or watch a movie or something…” he gets out awkwardly.

“Wow, you’ll grace me with your presence once a week?” you roll your eyes, “How generous of you.”

“Listen…” Taehyung looks at you more seriously, “I know social contact is important for like, our mental health or whatever. But we shouldn’t push it.”

“You’re so…”

“I’m so what?” Taehyung steps forward and you gulp.

“So unfair.” You whisper. Taehyung bows his head down, he feels like he is shrinking. Because you’re right, he is being totally unfair. But he thinks this is the right move, the smart move.

“Y/n…” he sighs, “I’m doing this so we can leave.”

“And what if your little strategy isn’t working? It’s been a month Taehyung.” You point out, “And we’re still here.”

“I know, I know. Jesus, woman.” He breathes out, his dark eyes finding yours. “Look, they will get bored with us.”

“How can you be so sure?” you step forward. “What if we aren’t boring to them?” you whisper, your eyes staying on his.

“That’s why we should interact as little as possible.”

“Taehyung. No offense. But do you really think I want to interact with you?” you spit out, “I just need something, anything. I just need someone.” You step closer, “And you happen to be the only person here.”

Taehyung’s brows pinch together as he looks down at you, a frown decorating his face. He…he doesn’t want to be hurt by that.

“Once a week y/n. That’s all I can offer you.” He steps closer to you, his feet bumping into yours, “Don’t get greedy on me.”

You tilt your head up and chuckle,

“I told you I’m greedy though.” Your eyes stay on his, his piercing gaze causing you to shudder but you don’t break contact and neither does he. He’s challenging you, you can feel it. His eyes begin to narrow as he stares down at you, you wonder what he is thinking. He sighs out, his breath hitting your face and you blink up at him. You’re about to say something, anything when his tongue darts out to wet his lips. You mean to keep your eyes on his eyes, you really do but you don’t. You hate yourself for dropping your gaze down to his lips. He smirks as realization hits him.

“Goodnight y/n.” He says, his voice so deep and low it catches you off guard. Then he’s stepping away from you and heading towards his room, leaving you at your door. You release the longest, shakiest breath as you watch him disappear.

You open the door to your bedroom and walk inside, you wish you could yell out in frustration. You wish you could scream into your pillow and know for sure he can’t hear you. You wish you weren’t here.

You change into some sleep clothes and slide into bed. You pull the blanket up to your nose and kick your legs dramatically. This guy is so annoying! Why can’t he just not care and live life normally so you can be normal too! Listen, you aren’t fucking thrilled about this either. But you’re handling it a lot better than he is. Why is that…? Why are you handling this so well? Maybe it’s because your real life is a fucking mess and this truly is the vacation you needed. You know, you know how pathetic that sounds.

You close your eyes and try to sleep but memories of your real life keep hitting you. You hate this. You hate all of this. You’re lonely. You’re all alone. In this this life on the island but also in your real life. You’re so fucking alone. You feel tears prick your eyes and you let yourself quietly sob for who knows how long. You wish you had someone to lean on…just in general. But you lost all of your friends at work…you lost your boyfriend…you only have your parents and even they are fed up with you.

After crying tears after tears you decide you’re thirsty. You tip toe out of bed and make your way downstairs…the house is so quiet and dark. It’s relaxing and also depressing. You finally make it to the kitchen when you scream bloody murder. Sitting in the dark at the dining room table is Taehyung.

“Wow, y/n. It’s not next week yet.” He jokes. You quickly turn on the dining room light and look at him like he’s insane.

“You fucking scared me!” you exclaim loudly, “And why are you awake?”

“I have trouble sleeping…” he admits, he scratches the back of his neck and gives you a sheepish grin. “What about you?”

You step closer to the table and Taehyung’s eyes slightly expand. He notices your swollen eyes and puffy lips. Had you been crying?

“Hey…are you okay?” he whispers out, standing from his chair.

“Don’t act like you care so suddenly.” Your eyes slide to the side, “I’m fine.”

Taehyung looks down, guilt burying itself into his body. He looks up at you and tries to speak but he doesn’t know what to say.

“I just came down for some water.” You tell him. “That’s all.” You walk over to the fridge for the pitcher of cold water then you walk to the cabinet and try to grab a glass from the top shelf but you struggle. You huff out and close your eyes in frustration when you feel Taehyung’s chest on your back.

“I’ll grab it for you.” He says softly. He reaches for a glass and hands it to you, you take it from him and offer him a small thanks.

“See? That’s something only people who are almost 5’11 could do.” He teases and you look at him with a serious expression. You look down at your feet and sigh out before you let a giggle slip between your lips.

“Goodnight Taehyung.” You look up to study his face, and you see his smile fade.

“What?” you ask.

“Once a day.” He says. “We can hang out once a day. But that’s it.”

You feel your heart do something funny…you feel your tummy doing something weird too. You feel your entire chest get hit with a wave of….something.

“It’s fine, Taehyung.” You finally say after a quiet moment, “I don’t want to push you.”

“This isn’t for you.” He smiles, “I think I need the social contact too.”

“Well, no fucking duh.” You state with the roll of your eyes. “We can’t isolate ourselves…it’s so unhealthy.”

“I get it.” He breathes out, “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“And every day after that until we’re out of this place.”

~~~~~~~~

The next couple of days you and Taehyung play some games or watch a movie together, just doing at least one activity a day. Just like he said you two would. Admittingly you do feel better about this arrangement. Not talking at all was a pain in the ass and terribly lonely. Sometimes Taehyung will come to the living room and play a game by himself while you read, just sharing a space without really talking, even after he did his one activity with you. You hate to admit how much you like that he does that.

It’s not like you want to get to know him specifically…but you would like to sort of know the person you are living with…that makes sense, right? It’s not him! It’s just that he’s the only person here…and you want a friend. Yes, you can admit you want a friend. You aren’t going to fall in love with the dude…you just want someone to talk to and hang out with. God, is that such a crime? Plus, you’re in no place for love. If the company truly knows you, with their “research” and all then they should know you are not ready for any type of romantic relationship.

You lay here on the couch, your legs hung over the arm of it while you stare up at the ceiling. It’s hot out today and this house happens to come with a lovely pool. The ocean is scary so no beach for you…but pool? Yes. You lay here, wondering what Taehyung is up to. He went out again today like he usually does, you wonder if you can ask him about it now…now that you guys aren’t on total terrible terms. Nah, you will wait a little longer before you ask. Instead, you rise from the sofa and head upstairs to change into a swim suit.

You have a lot of options, to be honest. This place did not lack on the clothing items! You decide on a simple dark green bikini, you try it on and decide you like the way it looks. A lot actually. Have you lost some weight? You guess the lack of fast food options has made you a little slimmer, and the amount of fresh food that’s available here. Plus you started lightly working out in the home gym, sweating a storm.

You head back downstairs and go to the back where the absolutely lovely porch is located…it’s a whole wooden deck. With a glamorous pool in the center and a hot tub off to the side. You wish you really lived in a place like this—not here, specifically. (For obvious reasons) You shrug off the towel that’s wrapped protectively over your body and make your way to the pool. You don’t know what you’re being self-conscious for…Taehyung doesn’t usually come back until sunset and it’s barely the afternoon.

You dip your toes in the water first…it’s pretty chilly but you handle it, dipping your body further and further into the water. You shiver just a bit before dunking your head underneath, letting the water consume you. You stay underwater, opening your eyes and staring at the blue nothingness.

“I love you.” He says for the first time, making you float on air. You knew he was going to say it soon, you could feel it but you were not expecting it here.

You two are sitting at Cozy Coffee, your favorite place to relax and read and write. You are in the middle of writing a very intriguing sentence when your fingers stop typing in reaction to his confession.

“You what?” you ask, a small smile adorning your face. “You love me?”

“Yes.” He reaches for your hand across the table, “But you already knew that, didn’t you?”

“I had a feeling.” You tease. “But I…”

“You don’t have to say it yet if you aren’t ready,” he squeezes your hand, “I can wait.”

“No!” you squeeze his hand back, “I…love you too.” You admit softly.

He brings his hand back, folding his hands together out in front of him and sighs out, his breaths escaping him softly.

“These past 6 months with you y/n…” he begins, “Have been the most wonderful.”

“They have been pretty nice, haven’t they?” you smirk. “Tell me your favorite part?”

“Any part where you’re naked, for sure.” He laughs and you gasp.

“Hey! Behave.” You warn with a smile and he keeps laughing.

“I’m serious, this is the best relationship I have ever had. You’re definitely the best girlfriend…all these other girls have been crazy.”

You frown at that, “Why crazy?”

“Ugh, you know how women can get.”

You don’t like the way he said that, you feel your smile twist into another frown.

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t matter. Because you aren’t like that. You’re different.”

You smile again, once again feeling special with his praise.

“Different how?”

“Jeez, you ask a lot of questions.” He half jokes. “I don’t know, you just are.”

The water is starting to sting your eyes as you continue to hold your breath, memories flooding you. This water isn’t the only thing trying to drown you. You finally squeeze your eyes shut and swim up to the surface, gasping for air once you reach it. You breathe out heavily as you try to catch a breath, your wet hair dripping down your just as wet face. You swim to the edge of the pool and lift yourself up on the ledge and sit with your legs still in the water.

Why do you have to think of him?

After an hour or so that passes and plenty of sun later you decide you’ve had enough of the day outside. You stand to your feet and grab your towel and dry off, draping the towel over your right arm. You’re still pretty wet you admit, but nothing crazy. You head for the house, walking through the back door. Once you enter the house the cool AC hits you, causing you to shiver but you decide a warm shower will solve this. You turn the corner in the hall to head upstairs when your body slams into another body. You run into Taehyung hard causing you to tumble over and fall on top of him.

Taehyung yelps out when he makes contact with you, his body falling to the hard tiled floor and he winces. You fall on top of him, your chest smooshing his face. Yeah, your boobs in his face. That’s what that fucking means. Your wet boobs in his sweaty face.

“What the hell?” Taehyung mumbles between your breasts, “Get off me.”

You’re quick to try to scramble off his body, your hands landing in all the wrong places as you try to lift yourself. He groans loudly when you make contact with his lower hips and his hands go to grab your wrists trying to stop you from moving around so much.

“Chill, chill.” He breathes out slowly, still holding on to your wrists. He makes his way out from beneath you and pulls you up by the wrists.

“I wasn’t this sweaty before you ran into me…” Taehyung observes, “How wet are you?”

“I wasn’t this wet until running into you. How fucking sweaty are you?!”

“Fair.” Taehyung says with a smirk, then he’s blinking at you. “You went swimming today?” he eyes you up and down and you immediately feel insecure under his intense gaze.

“Uh, yeah.” You take the towel that’s draped around your arm and go to cover yourself with it.

“Why are you getting shy now?” as sly smile draws itself on Taehyung’s face. “You didn’t seem this shy just a moment ago with your tits in my face?” he questions with a low voice.

“Oh my god, can we not bring that up?” you begin to blush and you hate yourself for it.

“Why not?”

“It was an accident first of all. There will never be a time again where my boobs are in your face.”

“Oh you’re making the company sad.” Taehyung pouts.

“Shut up.” You roll your eyes and Taehyung laughs. His laughter dies down though when he shamelessly eyes you again.

“Green is my favorite color.” He says while walking past you and heading upstairs.

You stand here, embarrassed as fucking usual. Your whole body warming up and you don’t even feel that cold AC any longer. You breathe in and breathe out. Taehyung is not making this stay very easy, is he?

~~~~~~

Month: 2

“Don’t you use that blue shell!” You scream at the air around you, your eyes concentrating on the screen ahead.

Taehyung smirks, working his fingers on the controller. God, he can really move his fingers. Wait, why the hell would you think that?

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

You are both totally immersed in your game, the finish line in sight. You jump to your feet in rushed excitement as the finish line is soon approaching. You need this win to tie with him on your ongoing competition in Mario Kart. You’re both oh so close, the anticipation rising. Like, honestly you might shit yourself. Taehyung also leaps to his feet, joining you at your side. Now you are both screaming at the screen, your throats will totally pay for this later. You are jumping up and down, yelling at one another , slamming your fingers on the controllers, harshly pressing down on the accelerator button. You can see it. Its literally right in front of you! AND you are ahead of him! The finish line! Your screams getting louder and louder…when…you are graced with a black screen.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” You yell in unison.

You turn to face Taehyung, the one you hate the most right now. Your eyes dark and your voice low.

“What did you do?”

“ME? I didn’t do anything!” He says accusingly.

“You must have! You knew I was going to win—”

“First of all, we don’t know that.” He cuts you off all matter of fact. So annoying.

You look at him incredulously.

“THAT’S IT! I’m going to strangle you!” Before you can take a step towards him to you know, kill him, the screen turns a bright white, catching your attention. Lucky dude. Your focus now on the screen, you look at it with your head tilted to the side. There are black letters at the top of the screen and you decide to read out loud whatever this caption says.

“Re…Request?” your eyes scan the word slowly. “Oh. Oh shit,” Your eyes go wide, you turn to face Taehyung, his expression mirroring your own. You had completely, like completely forgot about the ‘Requests’. It has been a couple months of silence so how could you not forget? You wonder if this company is finally ready to move …this…along. Whatever this is.

Only seconds pass before more black words appear on the screen. Your eyes stay on Taehyung though, too nervous to read what comes next.

Taehyung must realize you have no intention on reading anymore because he exhales deeply and faces the screen.

“Okay, here goes…” he begins, “The two subjects must…”

[beatleszeppelin]

You're A … Inexperienced Ch. 4

Chapter Summary: You spend every waking hour of the next day hoping for Daryl back, you don't know if you'll be mad, sad, scared or happy when he returns. But when you are notified of his return, and you find out he's hurt, things go a bit further, or should I say a base further?

Category: Friends to Lovers, Mild Smut, just a good ol’ time

Paring: Daryl x reader (second person)

Warnings/Includes: General Walking Dead grossness, Smut, swearing, use of weapons, non-graphic hunting, mention of past child abuse, (let me know if you see anything else)

Word count: 2.5k

Chapter 4: I trust you.

“Carol,” You yelled getting her attention.

She smiled back, a sympathetic look, but endearing and all knowing. “I heard what happened last night with you two.”

“Did he tell you?” The inquiry slipped immediately from your lips.

“On his way out he did,” the corners of her mouth pulled back into a smile, and she patted your shoulder.

“Out?”

“Went on a run, early this morning. Daryl stopped and talked to Carl and I on his way out the gates.”

“What did he say happened,” You begged, wanting to know the true reason he’s left you high and dry last night.

“Not very much, most was implied.” She held her arm out, guiding you to a near by table. You both sat together, and pried on the other’s interactions with the elusive conversationalist.

From what you gathered, he left this morning in a hurry, and he left mad. Mad at himself for fucking it up with you, whatever he thought it was. He didn’t tell anyone what he was doing in detail, but he didn’t take much water and nearly no food. He should be back today, based on Carol and Carl’s sleuthing.

But the day went on, and lunch and dinner came and went, and he didn’t make an appearance through the gates. You took the day off from whatever tasks you were supposed to do at the farm, with the animals, and crops, to instead take over a full day of gate work. You didn’t read a book, or draw stupid little pictures in the margins of other peoples papers that were left. You looked out, on guard, watching the shadows change on the road ahead.

Sometime after the shadows left, and the ground turned fully dark, your eyes fell heavy from the lack of sleep you had been allowed the night before. So you turned in. Sleep didn’t come easily, thinking of Daryl out there, mad at himself. He could have run away, he could have left for good. He could be out there hurt, or worse. The thoughts wracked your head, until you woke up the next morning, you don’t remember falling asleep, but you must have sometime early this morning.

You got up and dressed with no effort, for maximum efficiency. The first place you hit was the gate, it was a shift change, so you spoke with Carol on her way in.

“Do you know anything, has he come back yet?”

“You haven’t seen him yet?” she asked as if his whereabouts were seemingly obvious.

“No, I didn’t even know he was back, where is he?” You begged.

“He showed up at the gates late last night. He’s in the infirmary, he got hurt on his run yesterday,” She said, without too much concern, but it didn’t stop you from walking to him, but she did add, “he’s fine, by the way,” while you were still in ear shot.

You walked to him, but by the time you noticed you were running. You couldn’t tell what you were feeling as you braced yourself to see Daryl in whatever state he may be in. You were mad at him for leaving, but happy about his return. Sad that he felt the need to leave in the first place, and scared about his injuries.

You opened the door to the infirmary, walked into the rows of cells and stark white bed sheets that have so regularly been changed. Your quick lope took you to Daryl’s cell, the one that you heard Hershel’s voice and quite grumbles coming from. His monotonous pained breathing served as a compass, guiding you directly to him, without any consideration to which direction your feet were moving.

You stood on the other side of the bars, seeing into his room much like he must have seen into yours just a few nights ago. Hershel was tending to bandages wrapped around Daryl’s abdomen. There was no blood, though. His bare chest was wrapped up, around his ribcage and over his shoulder. He lay on his side, another wrap encasing his knee, was propped up with a throw pillow someone must have retrieved on a run.

As he lay there looking up to you, you stand in the doorway, sorting through the files in your head of possible things you could say to him.

“Welp, I’ll be back to see you later, and remember to take it easy on your body. No strenuous activity.” Hershel picked up and saw himself out, patting you on the back as he left.

Seconds long pause lingered over the heads of both of you, but was broken when you simply asked, “What the fuck?”

“‘m sorry,” he tucked his chin down to his chest.

“I really don’t care if you’re sorry right now, I just want to know what you did, and maybe why?” You said genuinely.

“Didn’t mean to hurt you, an’ when I did, just thought I should leave, always better out there.” He mumbled.

“What do you mean hurt me? You thought you hurt me. Look at you, laying here all wrapped up,” You couldn’t fathom him leaving because he thought he did something wrong, when what hurt you most was the fact that he had left in the first place.

“I knew what you’d wanted, but it didn’t happen, an’ I thought you’d be mad about it.”

“No, I wasn’t mad about whatever happened while you were in my cell, I was mad about everything that happened after. I didn’t want you to leave.” You paused for a breath, “I thought you left because of something I did, and it turns out you did. And what did you mean what I wanted?”

“Well,” He raised his chin, and his eyes kept darting in between your and the floor. “You wanted to fix me, but you can’t change the unchangeable.”

You felt disheartened, his words hurt, not because what he was saying was with mal intent, but because this is what he genuinely thought. He thought that you wanted to sleep with him to fix him, to some how change this broken man that sit before you, but he couldn’t be more wrong. He wasn’t broken, not to you, not to anyone here but himself. “I don’t want you to change; I just don’t want you to have only bad memories.”

“What if we try again, an I still don’t like it?” He said, voice breaking.

“We only try when, or if you want to. I’m always down.” You said, finally walking into the cell, and siting on the stool Hershel was on before.

“And what if I never want to…”

You cut him off, “have sex?”

He raised his head, and then nodded slowly.

“Then, we’ll never have sex, and I will be happy being with you, because you are my friend, and I love you.”

He reached out and grabbed your hand from you lap. And he simply held on to it.

“I do have one more thing to ask of you,” he looked, “how did you get hurt?” His face turned red again, he cleared his throat. “Was out, on my bike. Just riding. I was mad, at myself, at the world, so I was going fast, yeah?” You nodded. “I saw a walker, I tried to stop, but I’s on a patch of sand, and I slid, and fell off.”

You laughed and shook your head, then you pulled your hand out of his for a second, and he subconsciously reached out for it again feeling the emptiness. You grabbed the blanket from his bed, and draped it over his his body, stopping just before the curve his waist. You were scared to touch his bandages, not knowing how much pain he was in. You sat back down, and took his hand in yours, and his shoulders visibly dropped at the connection. “So what did Hershel say?”

He brushed his hair down into his face with one hand, you quickly undid this gesture by pushing all of his hair back behind his ears. “He said I’ve got a dislocated knee, from where the bike fell on me, and I slipped a rib, probably from sliding.” You smiled at him, sympathetically, causing him to bashfully add, “t’s nothin’ bad though.”

Days later, maybe a week, when Daryl could walk (with assistance), you took him out on a makeshift date. You planned where you would take him, a field, outside the walls, with a pond right next to it.

You drove his bike, he sat behind you holding on to your waist, one leg bent, with his foot flat on the pegs, the other straight out, as to not bend his hurt knee. You rode around for a while, you thought he needed it, before circling back to where you wanted to take him. “This is it,” you said as you arrived to a flat spot of land, encompassed by weeds that danced in the wind.

“What’re we to be doing here,” he asked hobbling off of the bike, he’s normally so comfortable on.

You pulled a blanket and some bread and jam out of the saddle bags on the bike, that he was still leaning on, as a crutch. You laid it down. And set the food on top. Then you walked back about ten feet to where Daryl leaned, and slowly eased his arm over your shoulder, seeing as to not hurt his ribs. Then you helped him walk over to where you planned to spend the day with him. You dropped his arm, and it hit his side with a wince.

He held his side, and not so gracefully slid his leg out from him, so it wouldn’t catch any weight on his way to the ground.

“What does it feel like?” You gestured to his leg once he had hit the earth.

He shrugged, “Dunno, like it’s tight when bent, an’ hurts anytime ya put weight on it. Can’t use crutches neither, cause those’d hit ma ribs.”

“You really fucked yourself up didn’t you?”

Breathily, he laughed.

You ate, breaking bread with your hands and passing the jam jar between you. The pond

was enchanting, just as the lake that you bathed in before was. This was safe, though. It was close to the fence, and you each had weapons at the ready.

“Been thinkin’,” Daryl said, with a mouth full of bread.

“Yeah, what about?” he caught your attention with his tone.

“Said, we could try again, right?”

“Right.” you replied, instantly knowing what he was talking about.

“What if, I know… What if the part that I don’t want ta… ‘s there anythin’ else?” He said chewing on his lip to mumble through the words.

“What?” You said scrunching your nose up.

“The whole putin’ yer,” he mumbled so you didn’t catch all of the words, “jus doesn’t feel right.”

“So you’re talking about trying stuff up until the second or third base, not going all the way?” You asked trying to understand.

“Yeah, somethin’ like that.”

You scooted over to him on the blanket, and held your hand up to cup his face. Once you did, and he eased into the touch, you ran your thumb over his cheek. Your fingers were spread, to make room for his ear, under his hair. You looked at his eyes, and he looked everywhere but yours. You leaned in, stoping for a second to whisper, “First base,” and then went in for a soft kiss. It wasn’t quick, but it didn’t last long before he bit your lip, the way he always does his own. Pulling back a little you said “Check.”

You unbuttoned your shirt, but left it on, billowing open in the light breeze. You let him have his fun, as you watched him, poke and prod you in likeness to a child studying a bug. He grew more and more comfortable with the actions, as he encompassed your body with his hands like a sightless person would use a walking stick.

As his hand fell down over your shoulder, your bra strap slipped down, causing him to freeze and wait for your cue. You just unhooked it, and slid the other strap down to match. He withdrew his hands, and started chewing on his thumb. “Would you like me to take it off, I mean it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

He nodded, thumb still in place.

You slipped it off through your shirt sleeve, and watched him take his vest off, and lay it down on the ground. You then helped him pull his shirt off over his head, which you and Carol have been taking turns helping him do, since his accident.

“I would say second base has been accomplished, what about you?”

He sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth and mumbled an “mmm hmm.”

“Wanna try third or shall we wait for another day?”

“What exactly is third?” He asked.

“Hand stuff.” You said blatantly, awaiting his reaction.

He thought for a second, nodded, and said, “trust you.”

His words made your stomach bubble, it was excitement and it made you feel like you were about to throw up. You pushed those feelings down, and hooked your fingers in his belt, pulling him in for a kiss. This time, unlike previously, you didn’t lead it. His lips met yours and neither of you moved without the other.

You did however take the lead when you reached down and rested your hand on his leg. You slowly moved your hand up, and his breath hitched. “Are you okay, does something hurt?” you paused.

“Nah, just needed a sec, good now, though.”

Through his pants, you felt that he needed no time to get ready, so you got straight to work. You undid his button on his pants, unzipping as well. He halted all movement; focusing on breathing and staring at your hand slowly working itself up and down. He shut his eyes tight, and moved your hand.

“What, was that too much.” You asked, needing him to tell you what he wasn’t liking.

“It’s a lot, if you touch me ‘gain, I’m gonna…” his face was red and he grabbed his dick tightly.

“Open your eyes,” you coaxed.

“Can’t need to concentrate.” “If you need to, just do it. I’ll take it as a compliment.” You said moving his hand away. “May I?” You asked.

“I trust you.” He said barely above a whisper.

You finished him off in a matter of seconds, his pants were down mid-thigh, and you pulled his rag out to clean him up. He pressed his index and ring finger to the bridge of his nose, acting as a shield from his bright red face; he radiated chagrin.

As his heart pounded, and his breathing was still accelerated, he leaned on you, and whispered “I trust you, and I love you.”

And you could have spent the day there in that position, with him breathing heavily into your neck. And his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist. And although you got home later that day, and went to your separate sleeping quarters, that doesn’t mean this was the last time, it was only his first.

[tippedbykreider]

talk some sense to me | j. oleksiak

Word count: 26.2k Warnings: mutual pining, arguing, sex Author’s note: Childhood best friends to lovers so frustrating you’ll want to slap them both. This fic is mostly unchanged apart from a few additional bits here and there (maybe added another 1k total). Fic title is from ‘I Found’ by Amber Run Summary: True friends are hard to find and harder to keep but when a friendship like the one Jamie and Leo share withstands the test of time, it’s clear that there’s something else there. Can two people who know each other better than anyone else be honest with themselves and face down what has always been there between them?

A moment.

That’s all it takes.

One moment that sits like a void and one moment that can change everything, whichever way it goes. This was such a moment, so big that it felt like entire galaxies could fit inside of it and still leave room for more. He waits for her to speak for what feels like forever while she stands on a knife edge, knowing that whatever words come out of her mouth will rearrange both of their lives in ways that they understood would make it impossible to return to how things were not even ten minutes ago.

Yes, it’s a moment that’s terrifying in every conceivable way.

But it’s theirs.

*

Leonora Harris had lived in Toronto, Ontario for her entire life and couldn’t ever imagine herself being anywhere else. This was something that had her parents scratching their heads on more than one occasion. You see, Bill and Diana had always believed that their daughter would spread her wings and blaze her own path in the world and while they were correct in that assumption, they’d assumed that she’d be doing it somewhere a bit more exotic. There were a lot of things that kept Leonora in the city, one of those things was a huge sense of belonging and a feeling of home that she wasn’t sure she would find anywhere else, another was landing the job of her dreams at the Royal Ontario Museum after finishing university. But perhaps the biggest reason and the reason that she would never allow herself to admit, was because Toronto was the place her best friend also called home, even if it was only for three months out of the year.

True friends are hard to come by and even harder to keep, that’s why people never had an abundance of ‘old friends’, so when a friendship like the one Leonora shared with Jamie Oleksiak comes along, it’s worth sticking around for. Jamie had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember. The memory of their first interaction was now so old that the minor details had started to get a little fuzzy around the edges, but one thing that had remained the same and would always remain the same was the indescribable warmth that memory brought that would flicker in her stomach like the first sparks of a bonfire, before it crawled through her skin until it felt like she was glowing all over.

They’d been four years old, she’d remembered, and embarking on their first day of kindergarten. Jamie had been wearing dungarees that much she was sure of and his hair was a chaotically endearing mop of blonde curls but she couldn’t quite remember if the sweatshirt he’d been wearing was red or blue, not that it mattered, of course. She remembered seeing a quiet flicker in his eyes that she later understood to have been fear and had offered him the biggest smile she could muster.

That simple gesture, that smile, is what had made Jamie find his courage and give her a toothy grin back after he’d placed his raincoat on the peg. It was also what had him waiting for her to do the same instead of running along into the playroom to find a quiet corner for himself. If anyone asked Jamie what he remembered the most vividly from that day he would always tell them the same thing:

‘Her eyes. Her eyes and that smile.’

He also remembered how the butterflies fluttered in his stomach as Leonora approached him, all bright green eyes and thick wavy brown hair that had been put into bunches, presumably by her mother. Even years later, Jamie still wasn’t quite sure how he even found his voice but he was sure, even at the tender age of four years old, that the girl in front of him was going to be his friend. No, his best friend and so with a shy smile and a quiet voice he said, “My name’s Jamieson but you can call me Jamie.”

“I’m Leonora,” she replied with a confidence that far exceeded her age.

Jamie’s brow had furrowed at that and he’d taken to chewing on his bottom lip.

“Leo- Leono-,” he gave a frustrated little sigh as he tried to roll his tongue around her name and failed. “Can I call you Leo?”

“Yeah,” she grinned. “You can call me Leo.”

They’d spent the rest of that morning at the drawing table and neither Leo nor Jamie would be able to tell you exactly what they’d talked about all those years ago, but Leo distinctly remembers sitting next to Jamie while they ate lunch and after he’d learned that strawberries were Leo’s favourite fruit, Jamie had proceeded to give her exactly half of his, counting them out one by one until they both had an equal pile in front of them. He would do that every single time he had strawberries and Leo would do the same for him. They would even do this on the days where they both had strawberries, so their piles would consist of half of Jamie’s and half of Leo’s because ‘friends should always share’.

 That mantra was one that they would carry all through their childhood, from elementary school right until the end of high school and even beyond that. It wasn’t just strawberries that he shared with her either, it was near enough everything. What was Jamie’s was Leo’s and what was Leo’s was Jamie’s, that’s just how things were and it extended beyond the material. They shared happiness and disappointments, highs and lows but perhaps the most special thing that they shared was the joy of being able to watch each other find their identities. Jamie had known about Leo’s confidence from the day he met her and it was something that had only grown and blossomed as time went on. He had always admired how sure of herself she was, even as a small child and as she entered her teenage years, Jamie began to understand just how unapologetically authentic she was. It always knocked him back a bit, how outspoken she could be and how she was never afraid to say what she really meant. Even now, more than two decades later, it still had the ability to knock the air out of his lungs.

Jamie had always been laid back and a little bit shy, awkward even. It was something that he’d carried around with him throughout his life, particularly growing up. He sometimes found it hard to open up around people he didn’t know (although anyone would tell you that once he felt truly comfortable it could be difficult to shut him up) and he was often content to go with the flow. On paper, it could have seemed like Leo and Jamie would drive each other up the wall, with Leo’s feistiness contradicting Jamie’s relaxed nature. Yes, they were opposites in every way, but much like fire and water the two of them found ways to create balance and harmony.

Jamie had always felt like he could truly be himself around Leo and that came from not just a place of familiarity, but also of acceptance. She accepted him as he was despite his shyness and despite the fact that he wasn’t as good with words as she was, but more than that, she built him up and encouraged him in everything he did and that is what made it so easy for Jamie to be open with her, not just about his anxieties and the general worries that your formative years bring, but about everything else too. This was something that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Richard and Alison, Jamie’s parents, who couldn’t help but be overjoyed by the spark of confidence their son had whenever he was around the girl with the free and easy laugh and the keen eyes. They welcomed her into their family much in the same way Bill and Diana had welcomed Jamie into theirs and the gruesome twosome (as their families would affectionately call them) were together more often than they were not. It didn’t matter whether they were sitting quietly studying or yelling as they engaged in an overly-competitive game of Crash Team Racing in which Leo would seize and relish the opportunity to gang up on Jamie with his sisters, the bond between them both was clear as day to anyone who knew them and only seemed to strengthen as the years rolled by.

 Their after school routine had remained the same throughout the years and usually consisted of going to one of their houses and sitting in relative silence while they completed their homework, helping each other whenever the need arose. As they got older they would retreat upstairs and spend the time before the other would leave to go home for dinner listening to music and swapping mixtape CDs they’d burned for each other. It was one of those CDs from Jamie that had introduced her to TOOL at the age of sixteen and they had quickly become one of her favourite bands, even still to this day and she always felt a warm kind of fondness spread through her body and resonate in her chest whenever she listened to them, the memory of her first exposure to them still clear in her mind as if it had only been yesterday. She had been laid on her bedroom floor with her legs resting up on the bed and Jamie’s rolled up hoodie under her head as a makeshift pillow, a conscious decision on her part despite being offered one of the pillows off her bed. Truthfully, the fluffy down pillow Jamie had suggested would have been a far comfier option but his hoodie was still warm from where it had been on his body not a half-hour earlier and smelled just like his deodorant and shower-gel and, well, like Jamie and that in itself evoked a kind of softness and comfort within Leo that the pillows on her bed couldn’t begin to replicate, although she’d never admit that out loud to him, of course.

“Okay, so I don’t know if you’ve heard of these before but seriously Leo, they’re fire.”

Jamie was leaning halfway over her from his position on the bed as he placed the cd into her stereo. She squinted at him slightly, unsure of exactly when he’d had this particular growth spurt that made him suddenly look comically large on her double bed.

“What genre?” Leo asked as she watched him settle back against her pillows, his feet hanging off the end of her bed by a hair.

“Prog rock,” he replied, giving Leo a questioning look and a laugh as she audibly groaned. “What?”

“Duh? Remember when your dad made us listen to Rush?”

“This is better, I promise,” Jamie grinned as he pressed play on the small remote in his hand.

“Better be.”

Leo closed her eyes and listened as the first muted notes filtered through the speakers of her stereo followed by a beautifully haunting male voice.

‘So familiar and overwhelmingly warm This one, this form I hold now

Embracing you, this reality here This one, this form I hold now, so Wide eyed and hopeful

Wide eyed and hopefully wild’

To this day Leo can still remember the feeling of something stirring within her chest, an awakening almost, as she connected with the lyrics and the intricate melodies and changing time signatures, somehow made stronger by the fact that Jamie was sharing this with her, which meant that whatever the music was making her feel, Jamie must have felt it too. She let herself get completely lost in the melodies and found herself contemplating the meanings behind the words and allowed them to settle in her bones. She opened her eyes as the track finished to find Jamie watching her with an expectant smile on his face, blue eyes shining with something unspoken that she couldn’t quite place.

“It’s good, right?”

“Yeah,” Leo said softly. “Yeah, really good, actually. What did you say this band was called?”

“Tool and when I was reading up on them I found out they’ve been around for years, like since we were born. I found a few of their albums at the second-hand store, you can borrow them if you want.”

Leo looked at Jamie for a breath, a gentle smile playing on her lips and a thoughtful gleam in her eye, before deciding to move from her position on the floor to squeeze onto her bed with him as the next song on the cd began to play. Jamie shifted slightly to accommodate her and wrapped his arms tightly around her back to pull her into him. It wasn’t the first time that they’d laid like that together, nor would it be the last, but there was a flicker of a feeling in Jamie’s chest as he allowed his senses to really come into focus. It was the soft, almost hypnotic beat of the music in the room, it was the smell of pineapple and coconut from Leo’s shampoo that had become her signature scent but above that it was the way in which his breathing followed the same ebb and flow of hers without him even being conscious of it. It was a sense of unity that he wouldn’t truly understand until he was much older but more than all of that it was being lost in this moment with her.

 Life continued much as it had before but the start of their final year in high school brought about a series of changes for the duo. Jamie was excelling at hockey and there was a real sense of well-placed optimism that his abilities on the ice would take him far. While he didn’t have a definitive plan (keen to keep the majority of his focus on his studies) he knew that there were going to be some tough decisions ahead. Leo was all too aware of the very real possibility that her best friend could be moving away but she tried not to dwell on it too much to keep the tightness in her chest at bay, focusing instead on attaining the grades she needed to attend the University of Toronto to study History. Their final school year also brought a change in the form of a girlfriend for Jamie and while Leo made every effort to befriend Sarah and give her the benefit of the doubt, she knew that Sarah had a real problem with her and her friendship with Jamie. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the girl- oh who was she kidding? Of course she didn’t trust her and while Leo tried not to get into the dangerous habit of comparing herself to Sarah and despite her best efforts and intentions, she couldn’t understand just exactly what Jamie saw in the girl.

She’d spoken to her mother at length about it, not least because she couldn’t help but feel a little pushed out and bent out of shape at her sudden demotion to ‘favourite girl number four’ (she would never dream of putting herself ahead of Penny and Hayley in those rankings), but was only met with her mother’s keen eyes that were far too similar to her own for her liking and an annoying sing-song sentiment of ‘sounds to me like someone is a little jealous’, She wasn’t jealous. She wasn’t. She just thought that Sarah was bad news and that was all there was to it but, ever the faithful and supportive friend, Leo would put on a smile and be on her best behaviour whenever Sarah was around and she would never say anything derogatory to Jamie about her whenever she wasn’t. She would pretend like it didn’t hurt like a kick to the stomach when Jamie would change his plans with her plans to go hang out with his girlfriend and worked hard to keep the look of pained disappointment on her face at bay when he would unexpectedly bring Sarah along to the plans with Leo that he did keep.

Despite her feelings of definitely-not-jealousy, and much to her dismay, Leo’s gut feelings of mistrust turned out to be well placed when a sullen looking Jamie had turned up at her house a few days before their leaver’s prom. Leo hadn’t planned to go, of course, given that her first choice school dance buddy would be attending with his girlfriend. That all changed though with Jamie’s revelation that he wouldn’t be going with Sarah.

“I don’t follow,” Leo said from behind her glass of water.

“She um…” Jamie rubbed the back of his neck with his large palm, face flushed slightly in embarrassment. “She dumped me, actually.”

Was spitting out her water everywhere the most appropriate response Leo could’ve had? No and it was something that Jamie would mercilessly tease her about in the future at any given opportunity, but it was all she had in a moment where she was filled with genuine shock and disbelief.

“Fuck off.”

“I’m serious,” Jamie mumbled, his eyes cast downwards to his hands that were in his lap and playing with the hem of his overshirt. “She told me we were done. I found out from Dougie that she was going with Finn Tremblay instead.”

“That jock quarterback? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Leo’s initial shock had quickly dissipated into anger, something that Jamie had gathered from the way her voice had gone up a few octaves and she’d taken to gripping her glass of water so tightly that her knuckles had begun to pale.

“Your glass, Leo.”

She set it down on her nightstand with more force than was necessary and muttered something to herself that Jamie couldn’t quite make out except for a few choice words that included ‘that fucking asshole’ and ‘I knew it’. Her tornadic rage soon quietened to a gentle breeze though as she attuned herself to the sadness radiating from Jamie and she brought herself to look at him with sympathetic eyes.

“God, I’m so sorry, Jame. Really.”

Jamie responded with a small shrug, a desperate attempt at nonchalance albeit feigned that he knew that Leo wouldn’t buy; she knew him far too well for that but it was all he could muster in the moment.

“She didn’t deserve you.”

There was a weight behind those words that surprised both of them and there was a lot more meaning to them too but Jamie didn’t have it in him to push right now and Leo wasn’t about to explore that meaning herself either because truth be told, she’d startled herself with both her choice of words and her delivery. Instead she reached across the space between them where they sat cross-legged opposite each other on her bed and took one of Jamie’s big hands to rub gentle circles across the back of it.

“It’ll be okay,” she spoke gently, her voice a shade above a whisper.

“I know,” Jamie murmured and he meant it too because he knew that Leo was right. It would be okay. It would always be okay as long as he had her in his life.

The pair resolved to make the most of a shitty situation (although Leo was sure to let Sarah know exactly what she thought of her) and, after some last minute dress shopping, Leo had found herself looking uncharacteristically glam to attend prom with Jamie. They’d insisted that it was no big deal but you’d never guess it from the way both parents couldn’t contain their excitement as they took pictures of the duo in front of Bill and Diana’s fireplace. Diana and Alison shared a knowing glance on more than one occasion and were practically bursting with glee as Jamie slipped the corsage he’d bought for Leo onto her wrist. One of the things that struck Jamie the most about that night was the ease in which it was to slow-dance with Leo. He’d anticipated it to be awkward and a little bit uncomfortable, y’know, given that Leo was just a friend and while he couldn’t deny the fact that his heart was hammering in his chest as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest, he also couldn’t stop himself from dropping his head lower to nose at her hair either.

 One of the things that Leo was consistently described as being by all who knew her was a ‘whirlwind’. Whenever she’d have a spark of an idea she’d add kindling and stoke it, fanning the flames until it was a roaring fire and even the calming waters of Jamie couldn’t quell it. There was no stopping her once she’d set her mind on something and while Jamie appreciated that drive and determination, it had landed them both in hot water on more than one occasion. The first time was just before Leo’s seventeenth birthday when she’d asked him to accompany her to get her nose pierced. He’d discovered as they were sat in the waiting room, much to his horror, that she hadn’t actually told her parents about her plans to get a piercing and although she was of the legal age of consent, he’d still uttered the words ‘this is a really bad idea’; but even he couldn’t deny that the small little stud, which would later be swapped out for a dainty silver hoop, completed her face and served as an extension of her personality. Her parents on the other hand hadn’t quite seen it that way and Jamie remembers to this day, with great clarity, the exact lecture they’d given her the second they noticed the new addition to their daughter’s face and while they’d not blamed Jamie for not stopping their daughter’s impulsive behaviour he couldn’t help but feel like an enabler. The telling-off from Bill and Diana did little to deter Leo and before long she’d expanded her piercing collection with multiple ear piercings and, much to her mother’s dislike, a navel piercing. Jamie hadn’t learned his lesson either though because during the summer after they’d both turned eighteen, he once again found himself being dragged along to a tattoo parlour by Leo to fulfil his best-friend duty of chief hand holder while she got her very first ink.

That summer would prove to be the last one before everything changed. From the moment the pair entered their last year of high school, the reality of their futures beyond school loomed over them. It was easy to ignore for the most part, school served as a good distraction and kept Jamie and Leo busy enough that they didn’t have much time to venture too far down that rabbit hole but these kinds of things have a habit of rolling around, regardless of our best efforts to ignore them, as sure as death and taxes. Leo’s future at the University of Toronto was set in stone with the return of her provincial exam results and while she should have been delighted at the fact she’d be enrolling at her first choice university and studying her chosen degree, the uncertainty of where Jamie would be and what that would mean for their friendship weighed heavily on her mind and with each passing day of summer that inched them towards September, Leo felt as if she had feet like concrete and a head like lead. Jamie sensed this, of course, knowing her better than anyone, even herself and that’s what made the decision to move across the border, so that he could pursue a career in hockey, the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his eighteen years of life, only surpassed by the conversation neither Jamie nor Leo ever wanted to have.

That evening would stay with Jamie forever like a scar from a wound, vivid and raw at first before fading into something so faint that it’s barely noticeable, except it was still there. It would always be there. The look on Leo’s face was like a knife through his chest and the tears that clung to her cheeks like fresh dew on a rose petal felt like someone was twisting it further into the cut.

“What do you mean ‘you’re leaving’? When? Where?”

“Massachusetts, I’m going to Northeastern University. They have a really good collegiate hockey programme there and-“

Jamie was cut off by Leo shaking her head vehemently as her tears began to flow more freely, her voice strangled in her throat.

“No. You-you can’t. Please, Jame. You could play hockey anywhere, you don’t need to go to another country.”

He swallowed thickly as he watched her, the lump in his throat growing by the second while he willed himself not to cry at the pleading look in her tear-filled eyes. It was ironic really, that the person begging him to stay was the same person who had given him the confidence to take that leap of faith and spread his wings in the first place. If you’d have told Jamie even three years ago that he’d be moving away from everything he’d ever known to a foreign country at age eighteen and take steps towards chasing his dream of playing professional hockey he’d have laughed in your face, but being around Leo and hearing her tell him every single day that he was ‘awesome’ and ‘could be anything he wanted to be in the whole world’ made him slowly start to believe it himself.

“I wish it was that simple, Leo. I do.”

Jamie’s voice was so quiet and raw that he barely recognised it as being his own but it was and Leo heard him. She heard what he was saying and everything that he wasn’t and her eyes closed as her lips were drawn together in a tight line while she held on tightly to the thread that was keeping whatever composure she had left together. She knew deep down that this is what Jamie needed to do, that he couldn’t stay in Toronto and for what? For her? That was a kind of selfishness that Leo wasn’t comfortable with, no matter how tempting it was and no matter how much she wished that she could spend every day for the rest of her life being able to hang out with her best friend, he was destined for greatness. She was sure of it. So she nodded as fresh tears streaked down her face, her voice muted and broken, “I know, Jame. I know that. It’s just… I’m really gonna miss you.”

Jamie reached for her as the first sobs she’d been holding back surged forward, pulling her into his lap from his position at the head of her bed and settling her against his chest. His own tears fell silently into her hair while he held her steadfast, willing the broken pieces of her heart back together with each ‘I’m sorry’ that he murmured against the crown of her head. Jamie had never once allowed himself to imagine a life where he wouldn’t see Leo every day but as he stared down the reality, his new reality, he was thankful for every bit of strength and courage the girl wrapped within his arms had ever given him, and while he knew that it would be hard and while he knew that the sting of missing her would sit heavily in his chest every single day, he knew that it would be worth it all to make her proud.

 While the Earth continues on its pilgrimage around the Sun, life goes on. Life must go on and though it hadn’t been the easiest adjustment for Leo and Jamie to make, they’d made it all the same. They managed to talk most days, often Skyping each other as they went about their evening routines and while it wasn’t anywhere close to the real thing, it would serve as a good enough substitute until summer rolled around again and Jamie would be back home in Toronto. It was both a blessing and a curse, how quickly the months collapsed into each other and it felt like no sooner had Leo started her first semester, she was taking her end of first year exams and looking forward to having a couple of months off before September crept back around and she’d suddenly become a second year. The anticipation of seeing Jamie again was only fuelled further by their shared excitement at their plans for their time together. Both of them had celebrated turning nineteen since the last time they’d seen each other in person and while Leo had enjoyed her first legal drink over Skype with Jamie, it wasn’t quite the same knowing that he wasn’t able to have one with her because of the difference in drinking laws but they’d resolved to use their new found legal drinking status to buy each other a drink once he was back home.

His first night back in the city was spent in Leo’s room where they’d laid side-by-side on her bed, fingers intertwined and talked until they were hoarse. It knocked Jamie back a bit, as he listened to her recount her first year at college, how the girl beside him was both different and still the same all at the same time. University had done her good, he thought, and she seemed a little more worldly and wise, or she did in his eyes anyway. But the fire still burned in her belly, brighter than before in some ways and Jamie was struck by the realisation that his best friend, the girl he’d known all his life, was blossoming into a woman. Some things never change though because she’d almost bowled him over as she practically launched herself at him and into his arms when she opened the front door to find him stood on her parents’ porch, somehow even taller than he was when he’d left nine months ago. He’d reluctantly made the short journey home a little after 1am and Leo had slept more soundly that night that she could ever remember.

It was a Saturday night in early-August when the two of them had decided to head into the city to fulfil their promise of buying each other a drink. Leo had suggested The Lab as she’d been there a few times already throughout her first year and had always had a good time. In all their years of friendship Jamie could probably count on one hand the amount of times he’d seen Leo with more makeup on that her usual mascara and Burt’s Bees lip balm so to say he was a little floored as he watched her come out of her house from his spot in the back seat of a taxi was an understatement. Her long chocolate hair was in beachy waves and the upper half of it was secured into two little space buns on the top of her head. His eyes flitted over the celestial print mini dress that hung loosely on her body and down to her signature black doc martens and felt his chest begin to flutter in a most unusual way. She didn’t give him too long to question those feelings though because she was opening the cab door and sliding into the seat next to him before he could really decipher what that was all about.

“Hey!”

“Hi,” he replied, looking at her a little dumbfounded as he took in the smoked eyeliner she wore and the subtle wash of colour on her lips. “You look…”

“Please say ‘nice’,” she whined. “I had a total crisis about ten minutes before you arrived. You should see the state of my room. Clothes everywhere.”

Jamie chuckled at that and his eyes had softened in a way that was both familiar to Leo and different all at the same time. There was the usual friendliness there, sure, but there was something that she just couldn’t quite place hidden within those ocean eyes of his. The easy smirk he was wearing was one she’d seen before though and so she wasn’t surprised to hear that his response was one of playful teasing.

“I was gonna say that you look great, but yeah, let’s go with ‘nice’”.

Leo instinctively rolled her eyes and swatted gently at his bicep with an exaggerated sigh.

“Ass.”

“It’s not like you to wear makeup,” Jamie remarked.

“Yeah, well, figured I’d make an effort seeing as though this is technically a belated birthday celebration.”

“I’m honoured that you thought I was worth the effort.” Even in the darkness of the back of the cab, Leo could still see the shit eating grin that had graced Jamie’s features.

“Who said I made the effort for you?” she replied without missing as much as a beat. “I might be wanting to look pretty for the handsome men of Toronto.”

“What handsome men?”

Jamie cringed as soon as the words were out of his mouth, not only at what he’d said but also at his delivery which had been rushed and a shade accusatory. It’d taken him a little by surprise if he was to be completely honest and he didn’t quite understand why the suggestion had made him feel a momentary pang of annoyance and disappointment all at once. Much like a bolt of lightning though, it had gone no sooner had it come. Leo simply scoffed, not prepared to unpack whatever the hell that was and replied with a gentle roll of her eyes.

“It was a joke, Jame. No one in this city is dumb enough to go out with me.”

The words were there on the tip of Jamie’s tongue, all he had to do was say them but the fact they were there at all had made Jamie’s heart take off galloping and so he swallowed those words down and forced his eyes away from his best friend, because that’s all this was between them, and out of the cab window to look at the passing lights outside.

Jamie had been successful at stuffing the weird tightening in his chest he’d felt from the second he’d laid eyes on Leo down into his stomach and the beer he was drinking was doing a good enough job at drowning it. Leo on the other hand was having a much tougher time of things. Instead of the Long Island Iced Tea hushing her racing mind it seemed to give it more impetus. Why did Jamie have such a knee-jerk reaction to what was quite clearly a joke? Why was she suddenly really impressed at the fact he could sing The Bad Touch word for word when it was something he’d been able to do for years? Why did the plaid over-shirt she’d seen him wear hundreds of times look so good on him all of a sudden? And when did he get so broad? She had questions, lots of them and even her questions had questions, the biggest one being ‘why am I being weird about this all of a sudden?’ It was Jamie. It was just Jamie, her best friend of fifteen years.

She hadn’t planned on having a second Long Island Iced Tea and she definitely hadn’t planned on two turning into three but perhaps the third time was the charm because the whirring in her head had stopped and all she could focus on was the lopsided grin on Jamie’s face as he looked at her from his position on the barstool to her right.

“You’re drunk,” she grinned from behind her glass, in no position herself to make such a statement.

“’m not,” Jamie replied in the way that only a drunk person trying to convince both themselves and everyone else that they weren’t.

“Liar.”

“Says you.”

Leo laughed at that, a little wild and a lot silly and it split Jamie’s face into a huge grin while he brought his hand up to tuck a strand of hair back out of her face. Leo’s laughter softened into a gentle smile, her eyes fixed on Jamie’s. He’d always loved her eyes, he thought, ever since they were small and they were every hue of the forest, rimmed coolly with moss. Their lightness often reminded him of summertime, when the sun-rays warmed each extended leaf and even now, in the darkness of the dimly lit bar, he could see them sparkling like emeralds and while he wasn’t sure if it was the beers that had him feeling a little bolder than usual, he couldn’t stop himself from asking her the question that had been sitting high in his throat since the cab ride there.

“Why’d you say that before? About no one in this city bein’ dumb enough to date you?”

She shrugged apathetically while her fingers busied themselves with the hem of her dress.

“S’true,” she replied. “’m not easy to be around. I know that. You know that, you’ve been puttin’ up with my ass for fifteen years.”

“Leo.”

“What?”

Jamie reached his hand down and squeezed her leg gently, enough pressure just to get her eyes on his.

“I was honestly surprised that you weren’t datin’ anyone. You’re… God, you’re so fuckin’ awesome. Any guy would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend.”

Leo tore her eyes away from his just long enough to get the heat quickly rising in her cheeks under control. Jamie waited for her, his eyes soft and gentle when she finally met his gaze again.

“Any girl would be lucky to have you,” Leo mumbled.

“Tell that to Sarah,” Jamie chuckled quietly in response.

“Sarah was stupid,” Leo said with a vehemence that made Jamie’s stomach flutter and had him leaning in to bring his face closer to hers without a second thought.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He was so close now that Leo felt his reply on the exhale of his breath against her lips. She looked down at Jamie’s mouth and swallowed hard, her eyes closing as he inched his mouth closer and closer until-

“Jamie!”

The warmth of anticipation quickly receded and Leo opened her eyes to see Jamie pulling back from her and looking wildly over his shoulder for the source of the voice. Leo had assumed he’d found it when she felt him slide off the stool beside her, instantly missing his presence, and cross the short distance to the man who’d called his name who turned out to be a guy they’d both known from high school. She knew that she should’ve followed Jamie’s lead and catch up with an old acquaintance and she knew that if her mother knew what she was doing she’d think her to be rude, but Leo’s mind wasn’t in any position to be giving the instructions required to move her legs because while she sat there mindlessly playing with the beer mat that had found itself between her fingers, her brain was already analysing what just happened in about a million different ways while still managing to ignore the complete obvious when it came to acknowledging what it all meant.

 The third Long Island Iced Tea was a bad idea, that much was clear to Leo as she awoke the next morning. She was thankful that her past drunken-self had at least had the foresight to bring a pint of water and a Tylenol up to bed with her. She groaned as she hauled herself up the pillows until she was propped up against them, sitting with her head resting against the headboard and cursing the tiny crack in her curtains that was catapulting the morning sunlight right into her eyes. She reached for her water and took a sip to swallow the tablet before taking long, deep gulps until the glass was drained. Leo wasn’t exactly sure why she’d found herself almost kissing Jamie although if you were to ask her a decade later she’d tell you that she knew exactly why, but rather she was simply refusing to acknowledge the glaringly obvious. She chewed on her bottom lip much the same way her mind was chewing over his words to her last night: ‘any guy would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend.’ What did that mean exactly? And why would he say something like that?

She was pulled from her brooding by the obnoxious vibration of her phone against the nightstand. Leo knew who the message was from before she’d even unlocked her phone and while a very large part of her wanted to just forget last night ever happened and carry on as normal, she was also curious to hear Jamie’s thoughts on it all.

Jamie: Hey, just wanted to check in with you. Hope the head isn’t too bad this morning 🙈 x

Leo: Drunk me was a very good friend to future hungover me and made sure I had some water and Tylenol lol I bet you don’t even have one, which is very rude by the way. If I’m suffering then you have to suffer too x

Leo paused for a moment as her thumbs hovered over the keyboard, racking her brain for the words needed to gently broach the subject of last night. She’d hoped that Jamie would save her the trouble but she wasn’t going to be that lucky.

Jamie: I had a slight headache this morning but I imagine it’s nothing compared to yours. You were really going for it with those Iced Teas 😂 x

Leo: Three was a mistake, yes x

Leo: Actually, while we’re on the subject I kinda wanted to talk to you about last night x

Jamie: You mean we weren’t already talking about it? X

Leo: I meant the part where it seemed like you were going to kiss me, specifically x

Jamie: Ah. Yeah. That x

Leo pulled her hand through her hair and sighed in frustration, almost regretting even bringing it up. She was almost certain that Jamie had meant nothing by it, they’d both had a lot to drink, right? Surely this was just one of those things between two good friends caused by too much to drink and they’d be laughing about it in a few months’ time. That was Leo’s take on it, anyway, and she was sticking to it.

Leo: I mean, we were both drunk, right? X

Jamie: Yeah, I guess x

Leo: And I think it was just a combination of the alcohol and still having those feelings of missing you while you were away and I was just so excited that you were home that I got swept up in it all x

Jamie: Right. Yeah, that makes sense x

She chewed on her bottom lip in thought, knowing that really this should have been a conversation they’d had face to face but better to address it now than wait and give them both chance to analyse it to death.

Leo: So we’ll just chalk it up as one of those weird alcohol moments? X

Jamie: Yeah, sounds good to me x

While it didn’t do much to settle her nerves, Jamie’s response was good enough for her and she felt confident enough that the matter could be put to bed and that it wasn’t necessary to give it any more thought. She sent Jamie a final message to tell him that she was going to get up to take a shower and that she’d talk to him later on after she’d got home from visiting her grandparents. Jamie had too decided that a shower was the best course of action, partly to wash the smell of bar and cigarette smoke from his body but also as an attempt to clear his head. He wasn’t entirely sure why last night of all nights he felt like he couldn’t take his eyes off Leo. Sure, she was wearing makeup which wasn’t something that she would usually do but it wasn’t as if that act itself was out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary though was the way his hands felt on her waist as they danced together, the way he remembered his heart had sounded as it whooshed in his ears when his lips were no more than a hair away from hers. That almost contact had set a fire in his belly and now that it had been lit he wasn’t exactly sure if it could actually be extinguished. Maybe Leo was right though. Perhaps it was one of those moments that should be chalked up as them both having too much alcohol and too much time apart; Jamie’s only hope was that if he could ignore that fire for long enough and not stoke the flames by giving it all too much thought, it would burn out on its own.

 August quietly slipped by and all too soon Jamie and Leo were once again saying farewell. Instead of heading back to Massachusetts, Jamie was going to be making a new home in Saginaw, Michigan having decided to sign with the Spirit in order to further develop himself. Leo continued to catch up with Jamie much in the same way they had the year before while she threw herself into her studies, the four hour drive often being just that little bit too far to make their conflicting schedules feasibly work. Her passion for her degree was clear to Jamie and he looked forward to hearing all about her classes and assignments, even going so far as asking her to send them to him so he could read about all that she’d been learning so far. Jamie had always known that Leo was incredibly bright, she’d always been articulate and she always knew exactly how to express herself which was something that Jamie both admired and was envious of. While he still had a long way to go, he never let himself forget just how much he’d learned from her in that respect and it was just one of the many reasons that he was grateful for her friendship. The ease in which she expressed her ideas and opinions in her academic writing was so impressive to Jamie and it really gave him a new appreciation for her mind and her talent. These were all things he already knew, of course, but seeing her flying and flourishing at university filled him with an immense amount of pride for her.

Naturally, much like most things in their lives, that feeling of pride was felt by Leo whenever Jamie told her about his games and life playing in the OHL and she was beyond excited for him when she’d watched him get selected by Dallas in the 2011 draft. She followed games whenever she could and talked to Jamie after he’d finished playing whenever their schedules would allow. She was so unbelievably happy to see Jamie making positive steps towards his professional playing career and when his path led him back to St. Catharines, Ontario to play for the Niagara IceDogs, Leo could have burst with the joy of having her favourite person back home, even though he was busy more often than not. Despite his schedule, Jamie always made himself available to talk to her whenever school had her stressed, especially given that her third year was proving to be quite the challenge and the closer proximity to home meant that they could hang out a lot more whenever their schedules allowed. But more importantly, as had been the common theme throughout their lives so far, they pulled each other through the ups and downs of the year and spent that summer joined at the hip, enjoying their last bit of time together before Jamie would make the move down to Texas just before the start of Leo’s final year at university.

If Leo had thought that her third year was difficult then she was in for a rude awakening when it came to her final one. The pace was relentless, especially when it came to balancing all of her different classes and assignments and while Jamie didn’t have a clue what she was talking about half the time, he was happy that she was at least enjoying the process and supported her in any capacity he could across all the miles and time zones. Leo couldn’t watch as many of Jamie’s games as she would have liked, given her own gruelling schedule, but she sent him words of encouragement every single day and despite her not being able to be physically with him, Jamie felt her presence all around him just the same and counted down the days until he’d be able to spend the summer with her once more. He’d talk with her whenever he could and there were more times that she’d fallen asleep still on the line with him than Jamie could count, each time making the ache in his chest more prominent than the last. Trips to Toronto during the season were infrequent and much too short but seeing her, even for those few hours after a game, where it felt like there had been no time or distance between them both at all, gave him the quiet peace he needed until he could be with her again, laid on her bed at her parents’ house with the windows open, the gentle breeze and her soft humming against his chest as they listened to music together with their fingers laced tight.

Jamie still remembers to this day the exact moment that Leo opened her degree results. He’d thankfully been home and arrived at her parents’ house not long after 9am to have breakfast with them while they waited for the results to go live on the school online portal. Diana had made pancakes, he recalled, with bacon and maple syrup and Bill had been out in the car to pick up a Tim Horton’s for everyone and (hopefully) celebratory Timbits for Leo. Jamie wished that he could’ve bottled the look on Leo’s face when she found out that she’d be graduating from the University of Toronto with a Bachelor of Arts in History with a minor in Religious Studies and because of her exceptionally high grades, she could therefore progress onto the Master’s program to study History further. He remembered whispering in her ear how proud he was of her as he held onto her tightly and it only grew with the realisation that he’d get to share that moment with her on her graduation day.

 On June 18th, 2014 Leonora Harris awoke to her father carrying in a tray laden with coffee, fresh orange, toast and jam along with a card bearing handwriting she recognised as belonging to Alison Oleksiak. Her was mother close behind with the biggest bouquet of flowers Leo had ever seen bundled within her arms.

“Happy graduation day, sweetheart,” Bill said softly as he placed the tray into Leo’s lap after waiting for her to sit herself up and dropped a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

“These came for you about five minutes ago,” Diana added, setting the bouquet down on the nightstand.

Leo took the opportunity to peer at the flowers wrapped in brown paper and cellophane and tied up with string. Her floral knowledge was admittedly limited but she recognised the large lion-head dahlia blooms nestled amongst sunflowers and yellow roses and peppered with smaller sprays of baby’s breath. She reached for the small card poking out from amongst the flowers and opened the envelope to reveal a small piece of paper. After admiring the beautiful penmanship of whomever had written the message she allowed herself to read it and felt a lovely warmth spread from the centre of her chest all the way down to her toes.

Leo,

Congrats again on your new membership to the Silly Hat Club! Enjoy every second and don’t trip over. I’m really proud of you and I always knew you could do it.

Love, J xxx

Leo smiled as she put the small piece of paper back into the envelope before turning her attention to the card on her breakfast tray which had contained a ‘Happy Graduation’ card from the Oleksiaks and a gift certificate for her favourite book store which was where she bought the majority of her second hand CDs from.

“Exicted?” her mother asked from her new position sat by Leo’s feet at the end of the bed, her hand laid gently on her shins over the comforter.

Leo nodded and echoed her mother’s smile in reply.

“We’re so proud of you, honey,” Diana continued, voice cracking slightly as she sniffled with pure happiness. “So, so proud.”

“Thank you, mama. Not sure I coulda done it without you both though.”

“We just gave you the tools, Nora Noo,” Bill spoke softly. “The hard work was all yours.”

Leo grinned at her father and it was a smile she would wear for the remainder of the day. She felt every bit the part in her navy blue wrap dress underneath her cap and gown and Jamie had to fight hard to swallow the lump in his throat as he watched his favourite person in the whole world cross the stage to collect her diploma. He didn’t miss the sly glance and smirk Penny was wearing to his left and all he could manage was a mumbled ‘shut up’ which told the youngest Oleksiak all she needed to know and would have her looking rather smug for the rest of the day. The group returned to the Harris house after the ceremony had finished and Alison and Diana were satisfied they had all the photos they needed. Leo wasn’t even sure how her mother had found the time to prepare food but within twenty minutes of them arriving back at the house, the kitchen island was filled with various nibbles and a charcuterie board. The champagne was popped and Bill led the group in raising a glass to Leo, Jamie with his arm tight around her waist all the while.

Long after the food had been cleared away and their families had begun to migrate towards the living room, Jamie took the opportunity to gently grab Leo’s hand and lead her through the kitchen out to the back porch, refilling their champagne flutes on the way and purposefully ignoring the shit-eating grins Hayley and Penny were throwing their way. He settled on the swing loveseat, his large arm draped along the back and nodded for Leo to sit down beside him. She settled back against the cushions, her body pressed lightly into his side and took a sip of champagne as the pair slipped into an easy silence while twilight slowly began to descend all around them. They stayed that way for a few minutes, content to watch as the sky melted into a watercolour of magenta, red and violet. Jamie broke the stillness first with a voice so quiet that Leo could’ve been forgiven for not hearing him at all. She could feel him prepare to speak before the words had even left his mouth though, the small breath he took settling all through her own body and preparing her for whatever he was about to say.

“I’m so proud of you, y’know that, right?”

“Of course I do,” Leo whispered in reply, not wanting to burst the calm bubble that they’d cultivated around them.

Jamie reached inside his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet drawstring bag, handing it to Leo and nodding for her to open it.

“What’s this?”

“Your graduation present,” Jamie smiled softly.

“But you already sent me flowers,” Leo protested.

“Those were your graduation flowers. This is your graduation present.”

“Jame.”

“Just open the damn bag,” he laughed quietly, blue eyes keen as he watched her run the cord between her fingers.

Leo’s fingers pulled at the cord around the top of the pouch to open it up and reached inside to pull out a thin woven leather bracelet. The silver of the clasp glinted faintly in the afterglow of the day and dangling from the tan cord were two silver charms: a graduation cap and a lion head. Leo swallowed thickly in an attempt to keep her tears at bay, not quite trusting herself to speak for fear that once she started crying, she would not be able to stop.

“Do you like it?” Jamie asked nervously after Leo’s silence had gone on a little too long for comfort.

“I love it, Jamie,” she sniffled. “It’s perfect.”

She handed the bracelet to him and offered her wrist in a wordless request for him to put it on her. He took it from her gladly and after a few seconds of fiddling and a nervous laugh from Jamie as his large fingers struggled with the dainty clasp, the bracelet was around her wrist and Leo was smiling softly as she admired it. Jamie’s arm had found its way back to its previous position along the back of the swing, his fingers tracing patterns along Leo’s upper arm idly which was something he’d done countless times before and yet none had ever felt as intimate as it did in that moment. His heart had taken to hammering in his chest as he watched her and the way the dusk and the faint glow of the string lights on the porch gave her an almost ethereal quality which made the fire in his stomach that he’d tried so hard to forget about spring to life and begin to burn ferociously. It was almost too much, that overwhelming need to kiss her despite not quite understanding where these feelings were coming from and why they were springing up now of all times, but he remembered the night at the bar where they’d come to within a breath of it and he remembered the morning after, their conversation and the fact that they were just friends and that Leo wasn’t really his. So he did the only thing he could think to do in that moment, he took a deep, settling breath before casting his eyes back out towards the sky.

“Are you okay?”

Her question was quiet and soft and it crawled all through Jamie’s skin to settle within his chest.

“Yeah,” he replied just as quietly. “Just… Thinking about when we were kids and how much everything has changed.”

“We’re still the same though, you and I.”

“You are, but you’ve always been awesome and smart and just… amazing but I’m not the same,” Jamie shook his head. “I’m so different to what I used to be, in the best kind of way and I know that that’s down to you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Leo murmured.

“Except you did,” he countered but with the softness still present in his tone. “You taught me what it meant to be brave and made me believe that I could do anything and because of you I’m playing in the AHL, I played for the Dallas Stars and even if I never get called up to play for them again, I did it. I played in the NHL and I wouldn’t have made it without you.”

“Jamie.”

Leo’s voice was caught somewhere in her throat, tangled up in the lump that stubbornly sat there and all she could do was reach for his other hand and hold it tightly in his lap.

“It’s true and you wanna know what else is true?” He paused while he waited for Leo to reply which he got as a small nod before continuing, sure and steady in his delivery. “That you’re gonna kick ass on this master’s degree. You’re the smartest person I know, Leo and you’re gonna be fucking amazing.”

Leo rested her head onto Jamie’s shoulder, mostly out of a need to be close to him but partly because her eyes were full to the brim with tears and she didn’t want him to see her cry on what was such a happy day, which was probably a good thing because a few stray tears had slipped out and onto Jamie’s cheeks as well.

“You’re such a sap,” she half-teased, her voice muffled by his button up shirt but she squeezed his hand all the same.

Jamie closed his eyes and pressed a soft kiss into her hair, the gentle teasing enough to pull him back into reality, the one where they were just friends and where their relationship was easy and didn’t need to be complicated by romantic feelings, the reality where come September he’d be leaving town again and they would go back to phone calls and FaceTiming across the time zones whenever they could. They were just friends. They were just friends. They were just friends.

Jamie swallowed thickly and forced a lightness into his tone and a smile onto his face before he gave her a reply. “Yeah, I know. But don’t go tellin’ anyone or we’re gonna have to throw hands.”

“You’re too scared to fight me, Oleksiak.”

Jamie breathed a laugh into her hair at that, her response so quick and quippy and so Leo that it was enough to elicit a real and genuine chuckle despite the knot that sat heavy in his stomach. His fingers flexing around the shoulder his arm was draped over as he spoke, “Yeah, you’re right. I am.”

It would be something that Jamie wouldn’t find out until much later on, but from the moment he put that bracelet around Leo’s wrist, she made damn sure that she never ever took it off, even as the months rolled into years and even when it felt like there was so much distance between them, both literally and figuratively, that bracelet was a reminder to Leo that her favourite person was always with her, no matter what.

Jamie meanwhile would keep trying to smother the fire that Leo had set in his stomach the night they’d almost kissed but despite his best efforts, the flames would keep creeping higher and higher with every single thought he had of her and he was beginning to understand that they would not stop until they reached his chest and engulfed his heart completely.

 The next couple of years would pass for both Jamie and Leo in a bit of a blur. Leo threw herself into her master’s education completely, determined to give herself the best possible chance of landing a good job after she’d graduated. It was as intense as she’d expected it to be and while she had initially struggled to pick a topic for her thesis, after numerous 3am phone calls with Jamie and a heart-to-heart with her parents, she finally settled on focusing her paper on the role of the church on life in the Middle Ages, which to quote Jamie, sounded ‘impressive as fuck’. The research material was interesting enough and Leo found that there was enough there for her to really get into the meat of it all. Jamie on the other hand was trying his hardest to establish himself as an NHL defenseman and would find himself flitting between the Texan and Dallas Stars. He’d have been lying if he said that it didn’t weigh heavily on him sometimes and while he tried his hardest to keep his conversations with Leo light so as not to worry her during an important part of her studying, her incredible ability to sense when he wasn’t quite feeling himself was so good that it was almost eerie. He would apologise every single time for venting and she would tell him that’s what friends were for and offer him words of encouragement and advice that spurred him on and pushed him to keep working hard and to keep chasing his dream of making it in the National Hockey League.

Leo graduated for a second time in the summer of 2016 with a Masters in History, achieving a remarkable A+ as her final grade which secured her dream job working at the Royal Ontario Museum. Jamie once again sat at her parents’ side, chest swelling with pride, as he watched her cross that stage to collect her diploma. He’d also helped her move into and decorate her first apartment, an airy two bedroomed place not far from her new place of employment and Jamie’s own downtown loft that he was renting, right before he had to fly out to Rio to watch Penny represent team Canada at the Olympics. Leo called Jamie after every single one of Penny’s races, making sure to get a promise from him that he would tell the youngest Oleksiak just how proud Leo was of her and of course, reminding Jamie that he was henceforth known as ‘Penny’s brother’ and that he would no longer be allowed to pick on her now that she was Canada’s sweetheart, which had earned her a great deal of grumbling from Jamie.

Jamie was thankful that he would at least get to spend a couple of weeks at home before he was due to fly back down to Texas. It was a late-August evening when Leo found herself sprawled out on Jamie’s couch. He’d only been back from Brazil for a couple of days but had said that there was a couple of things that he needed to do before he had to leave to report for training camp. He was playing on his Playstation and while at first Leo been content to just scroll through Instagram, she’d soon grown tired of that and was now eyeing him from her position at the opposite end of the sofa. If he noticed her restless sighs he certainly didn’t give anything away and his focus remained fixed on the television. She narrowed her eyes at him after a particularly obnoxious exhale of her breath garnered zero reaction or response and began to scoot slowly towards him, a mischievous glint in her eye that could only be born out of boredom.

Leo settled next to Jamie on her knees, a slow grin forming as she looked at him. He was still looking at the TV, completely engrossed in whatever game it was that he was playing and if he had noticed her then he kept maintaining an air of indifference as his thumbs pushed at the buttons on his controller. She’d started by giving his bicep a gentle prod, looking at him expectantly while she waited for his eyes to find hers. Nothing. She prodded again, a little harder this time and while she noticed the corner of his lips quirk he still didn’t turn his gaze onto her. Leo furrowed her brows as a small pout graced her features which earned a faint chuckle from Jamie. He knew what she was trying to do, of course, knowing her better than anyone, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction, at least not yet.

Leo began to gently prod the side of his head, her pout devolving into an impish little grin as she noticed Jamie roll his eyes exaggeratedly.

“Oh my god, can you not?” he grumbled but with a playful edge to his tone.

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me attention.”

“Real mature. Not the kind of behaviour I’d expect from a master’s graduate at all,” he smirked as he side eyed her.

“Those are your standards, Jamie, and quite frankly, I don’t subscribe to them.”

She reached down to pinch at his ribs through the thin material of his tank top, the yelp she received more pained than she was anticipating.

“Oh my god! I did not pinch you that hard!”

“You got me right on my tattoo!” Jamie protested.

“What tattoo? Since when have you had a tattoo there?”

Jamie lifted the hem of his tank to reveal an intricately patterned tribal lion head, the skin still red and raw.

“When did you get that done?” Leo asked, looking closely at it.

“Yesterday so it’s still pretty fuckin’ tender.”

“Awwww,” Leo smirked, making Jamie’s eyes flicker with a hint of nervousness at the devilish look in her eye and the mischief in her tone. “You love me so much you got a lion.”

Jamie groaned and rolled his eyes as Leo’s face split into a fiendish grin.

“I did not get a lion for you. You don’t have the monopoly on lions, y’know. They can represent lots of things, like bravery or courage. Not everything is about you, Leo.”

“Suuuure,” she teased.

“Whatever,” Jamie grumbled as he pulled his shirt back down and used the controller to turn off the Playstation before setting it down on the coffee table. “Happy?” he groused but still surveyed Leo with that familiar warmth he had in his eyes that was reserved exclusively for her.

“Yup,” she replied, obnoxiously putting her feet into his lap and wiggling them until he brought his hand down to rest upon her shin, the gentle weight of it and the warmth of his touch against her bare legs sparking a sad smile on her features while she studied his features like she was committing them once again to memory, the realisation that he would be gone again next week washing over her like someone had just blown a dam.

“What?” he asked with a gentle chuckle while his eyes searched her face.

“Nothing, just… I’m gonna miss you when you go back to the States.”

“You’re gonna miss harassing me, more like.”

“No!” she rebutted, before immediately giving him a small grin. “I mean, yeah, but not just that. I’m gonna miss you. I always miss you.”

Jamie’s expression softened as her voice trailed off and his thumb began to take on a mind of its own as it started drawing small circles against her skin.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper to which she nodded in reply, unable to speak for the quickly forming lump in her throat. “I’m gonna miss you too.”

Leo shifted and moved towards Jamie, slotting easily against his side like she belonged there while still being cognizant of the still fresh tattoo. As Jamie pulled her closer he tried not to lose it as her arm draped lazily across his abdomen and her face pressed against his chest. Her fingers had occupied themselves with the hem of his shirt and he swore his heart was going to beat right out of his chest as they’d slipped underneath the fabric and were dancing lightly over the skin above the waistband of his shorts. Leo didn’t notice the wide-eyed expression on his face though, her eyes were closed and she was too focused on the strong beat of his heart to stop herself from spiralling over the thought of him going back to Texas and not seeing him again for another nine months. She hated this part, the part where he would go back to his other life, the other life that she was only a part of via a telephone screen and while she knew that his life was really none of her business, it was getting harder and harder to remind herself that he wasn’t really hers and to let go of all the anxieties and insecurities him leaving would bring.

 If he’d heard it once, he’d heard it a thousand times: ‘you need to get yourself a girl, Rig.’ While Jamie knew that this particular sentiment from his teammates came from a good place, it wasn’t as easy as just picking up any girl in a bar and falling into bed with her and while he knew that it wasn’t a betrayal and that he certainly shouldn’t view it as such, the lion on his ribs made it feel like one regardless because whatever bullshit he’d fed Leo about it representing courage and bravery, they were traits that he’d learned from her and it was his way of having her with him always. It wasn’t like he wasn’t at least trying, but he knew fine well the reasons why he could never get past a first date with anyone, because whether he was consciously doing it or not, none of them could compare with the girl back home in Toronto with the jade green eyes. Jamie was beginning to understand that it was senseless to try and ignore what was right in front of him but he was so crippled by the fear that it’d been too long, that too much had been left to build up, that, as Segs had put it, he’d find himself ‘eternally friend-zoned.’ Jamie knew that he’d been through too much with Leo, that she’d become such an intrinsic part of his life, that he was sure his heart would shatter if he lost her and the last thing he wanted to do was push her away with a confession of love that he wasn’t a hundred percent sure she’d reciprocate.

‘The way I see it there’s three possible scenarios here,’ Tyler had said. ‘You tell her how you feel and she tells you she feels the same way. Boom. Happily ever after. You tell her how you feel and she tells you she loves you but just as a friend and you have to go on knowing that or you confess your love, she freaks the fuck out and you ruin twenty-plus years of friendship’ and because success wasn’t a complete guarantee, Jamie figured the best course of action would be to suck it up because if he had to choose between having Leo only as a friend and not having her at all, then he would be her friend and love her quietly for the rest of his days.

Their lives had continued much in the same way as before. They would talk whenever they were able to, which was less than they both would’ve liked due to the time difference and their conflicting schedules, but they made it work as best as they could and when Jamie returned home in the summer things were the same as they’d always been, the only difference being the fire that had started off as a flicker in his stomach had taken to consuming his whole body and the urge to pull her body against his and kiss her like he so badly wanted to was almost unbearable. The only thing that kept holding Jamie back was the same thing that he wanted most in the whole world. He found himself coming back to Tyler’s words over and over again, chewing over them like a starving dog with a bone and resigning himself to a lifetime of purgatory because the thought of losing Leo completely cut deeper than the thought of never having her in the way that he longed for the most.

Leo, meanwhile, was struggling more than she would have ever admitted to Jamie. The schedule of her job and how it wouldn’t quite mesh with Jamie’s, despite her best efforts, was beginning to weigh heavy and she surprised herself, if she gave it a second thought, with how much her mood would tank if she didn’t get to speak to Jamie. She knew she shouldn’t have let it bother her because not only did that make it sound like she was incredibly dependant on him (which wasn’t the case at all) it also made her sound a little bit possessive and she wasn’t okay with that, not least because Jamie’s wasn’t hers in the first place and because it was a trait and a behaviour that didn’t sit right with her. Jamie was his own person, after all, with his own life and his own wants and desires and she had no right to lay claim on him just because of some childish though process such as ‘he was mine first’. The loneliness was crippling though and the first time Jamie had told her that he wouldn’t be able to Skype because he was going on a date, Leo had to swallow down the ball of emotion in her throat that she hadn’t expected. She tried to tell herself that this was a good thing for Jamie, that he deserved this and that it was going to happen eventually because Jamie was all the good things in the world and it was only a matter of time before he found himself a nice girl, but she couldn’t help but feel like she couldn’t breathe every time she thought of Jamie with someone else. It wasn’t fair though, on either of them, because they were just friends, that’s all and if Jamie was dating then maybe she should too.

 It was just before Christmas in 2017 when Jamie found himself packing up his life in Dallas and moving the 1200-plus miles east to Pittsburgh. Trades were never easy but he kept reminding himself that it was part of the job and at least he would be closer to Toronto, his family and Leo. He’d not long sat down in his new apartment, an opened bottle of beer on the coffee table and a pizza on the way. He knew it wasn’t exactly a nutritionist’s dream but after spending the best part of his day unpacking his life into a space that was still too clinical to really feel like home (and he knew needed Leo’s touch), he wanted something easy and cooking a healthy, balanced meal wasn’t it. It was getting on for 10:30 at night and while there was a huge part of him that wanted to be selfish and call Leo, especially now that they were on the same time zone, he also knew that she needed to be at the museum early tomorrow and would already be asleep, so he took to scrolling through Instagram instead. It wasn’t something he did very often and he wasn’t one to post anything on there himself, but Leo used it quite frequently and in a moment where he found himself missing her, it would be a decent enough substitute until he could call her the next day.

He wasn’t sure why he was so taken aback by her latest post, maybe it was because she hadn’t ever mentioned anything to Jamie, but the sight of Leo wrapped in the arms of a man who had his lips pressed into her hair had jarred him and now that the initial shock had worn off, he felt his free palm begin to hurt from where his fist had become so tightly balled that his nails were digging into the flesh there. Jamie noticed that she’d tagged the mystery guy in the post and so, despite his better judgment, he clicked on the handle and followed it to the profile. He was called Ben, Jamie learned, and he was annoyingly good looking but the thing that had Jamie’s heart hammering as the anger began to pool in his stomach was the fact that Ben had more than one photo of Leo on his profile and there was a recurring theme with each of the captions on these photos that had Jamie’s jaw clenching: ‘my girl’. Jamie locked his phone screen and sat gripping the device in his hand for a few moments while his teeth pressed tighter and tighter together. He sniffled slightly before squashing that emotion right back down and slamming his phone down onto the coffee table. He’d taken to pacing around the open plan living area and tearing his hands through his hair while he tried to get control of the breathing that was getting a little wild and a little ragged.

They’re just friends. He knew that. They’d ever been anything more and he’d never told her that he wanted them to be anything more, not explicitly anyway, but Jamie’s heart felt like it had been stuffed into a vice and now someone, Ben, was turning the handle and crushing it into a broken and bloody mess. Jamie cursed loudly into the room and resisted the urge to put a fist shaped hole into the drywall. He had no one else to blame but himself, of course, and he knew deep down that he shouldn’t have expected a girl like Leo to stay single and wait indefinitely for him because she was sharp, beautifully wild with a mind that was her own and a smile that had lit up Jamie’s whole world since they were four years old, any man would be mad not to fall for her. But he’d been right there in front of her for over twenty years, he’d been the one to wipe her tears away, he’d been the one to help her fix shelves up in her new apartment, he’d been the one she called at three in the morning when she couldn’t sleep. He had been all of those things and he had been loving her for all that time and yet she didn’t see him. Maybe Tyler was right, maybe he was so deep in the friend-zone that there was no way out of it because right now Jamie was up to his neck in it and it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

What he didn’t understand though and perhaps the thing that had irked him the most about this was the fact that Leo had never mentioned that she was seeing anybody. Not once. Jamie knew that she’d been going on dates and while that thought had made his chest ache a little, he also knew that she wasn’t his and that she was only doing the same thing he was but now that he thought about it, she hadn’t mentioned going on a date for a good couple of months and now that he’d seen that photo, he understood why. So why hadn’t she told him that she was seeing this guy? Especially if it had been going on for a couple of months now. He grabbed his beer and drained it before dragging his weary body to bed and drifting into an uneasy sleep.

Jamie awoke to a text from Leo but he didn’t bother to read it. He was still too keyed up from the night before and he needed to get his focus on hockey while he got himself ready to head to practice. He’d be playing in his first game as a Penguin on home ice that night and he wanted to make sure that he gave it his all and made a good first impression. His time in Dallas had been plagued with inconsistency, healthy scratches and yo-yoing between the minors and the big league and he didn’t want to put himself back into a situation where he didn’t know if a mistake on the ice was going to have him sitting in a press-box for two or three games. His first practice went as well as Jamie could’ve hoped it would and he couldn’t deny the relief that flooded him when he was made to feel welcome and like he’d always been a part of that group. Leo had always talked about the magic of new beginnings but it was never something that Jamie had ever experienced for himself but as he sat in his new stall before his first game as a Pittsburgh Penguin, Jamie couldn’t help but feel the spark of electricity that he was sure was what Leo had meant.

He was sprawled out on his couch watching TV when Leo had called him. There was a part of him that wanted to let the call go to voicemail but he knew that wasn’t fair because for all he was mad that she hadn’t told him about her new boyfriend, he also knew that it was her prerogative and it was, quite frankly, none of his business and he needed to get over whatever this was, no matter how hard it might be.

“Hello?”

“Hi!” Leo said excitedly. “Oh my god! I watched your first game, you were amazing! Do you love it? Is everyone nice? What’s your apartment like?”

Jamie couldn’t help the soft chuckle that floated past his lips at her animated tone and barrage of questions.

“Yes, yes and yes.”

“What’s it like? Pittsburgh?”

“I’ve only been here a day, Leo. I literally went from my apartment to practice, back to my apartment and then to the rink for the game.”

Although Jamie couldn’t see her, Leo furrowed her brows at the hint of an edge in his tone and while she could’ve easily played it off as him just being tired, given that he’d uprooted his life and moved halfway across a country to then play a game of hockey, she knew him better than that and so, never one to beat around the bush, she figured she’d just get to the point.

“Is everything okay, Jame? You seem… I don’t know, you seem off.”

“I’m fine, Leo,” Jamie replied with a sigh. “Just tired.”

“Please,” Leo said with such a softness that it made Jamie’s throat tighten. “Please don’t lie to me, Jamie. We’ve known each other too long for that.”

Jamie exhaled slowly at that, a settling breath to give him time to gather his thoughts and composure.

“I just,” he began, voice controlled and measured but quiet. “Don’t understand why you didn’t tell me that you had a boyfriend.”

“I don-“

“Don’t lie to me, Leo,” Jamie said, tone a little harsher and throwing her own words back at her. “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

Leo bit her lip and exhaled shakily. Even through the phone she could picture the hurt and disappointment on Jamie’s face and while she knew that she should have told him, she also didn’t really have a good enough reason for not doing so and somehow that was worse.

“I didn’t,” she started, still unsure what to say even as the words were coming out of her mouth because there were still the reasons as to why she didn’t say anything that she still didn’t really understand herself. “I didn’t know if it was anything serious and I guess I just wanted to be sure.”

“You waited a whole two months.”

“I- wait, how did you know we’d been dating for two months?” Leo challenged.

“Irrelevant,” Jamie shot back.

“It’s absolutely not irrelevant. You didn’t even know I was seeing anyone before that post I made yesterday let alone that it’d been two months. What? Are you stalking him now?”

“It’s not stalking if his profile is public,” Jamie defended earning him nothing but a scoff from Leo. “Besides, not like I was gonna find out from you any time soon, maybe once the wedding invitation came through the mail.”

“Oh don’t be so fucking ridiculous, Jamie,” Leo scorned. “You know it’s not like that.”

“So what is it like? I’m dying to know.”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal! I was going to tell you but I figured I’d let you get settled in Pittsburgh and get your first game under your belt and I haven’t told you before now because I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t more than just a couple of dates. It really doesn’t have to be a big deal, Jamie.”

“If it wasn’t such a big deal you wouldn’t have been so bothered about waiting for me to ‘get settled.’” He emphasised her words as he quoted them back to her but his tone was little more than a frustrated growl. He knew this was a stupid thing for them to be fighting about and he knew that she didn’t owe him a thing but it was easier to channel the hurt it brought him than confront the overwhelming jealousy that was crushing him.

Leo was done with this argument though and she didn’t like the way her whole body felt like it was aching at the sound of Jamie’s voice through the phone so she did the only thing she felt like she could do in the moment.

“I’m sorry, Jame. I-I really didn’t think it was-.” She trailed off quietly, for once in her life at a loss for words. “I think I’m just gonna go, you must be exhausted.”

“Don’t,” Jamie pleaded, voice small and quiet and full of regret at snapping at the person he cared about most in the world. “Please, don’t go. I-.” He exhaled slowly as he rubbed his free and across his face. “I’m sorry too. You’re right, it’s your business and you were gonna tell me when you were ready to. That wasn’t fair of me.”

“Please don’t think I was hiding it from you,” Leo said, although in a few years’ time, when she looked back on all of this, she would realise that that was a lie.

“I know. I know you weren’t.”

There was a silence that fell between them, bigger than all the miles between them and filled to the brim with things unsaid but it only lasted a few beats before Jamie’s big exhale swept it away with his breath before he spoke quietly.

“He good to you?”

“Yeah, Jame. He’s a really great guy, I think you’d really like him.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Leo murmured. “When you’re back in the summer we should get drinks or something.”

“Sounds good, Leo,” Jamie said under his breath. “I should probably head to bed, I’m beat and it’s gettin’ late for you too.”

“Okay,” she replied sadly. “We’ll talk tomorrow though, yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we will.”

Jamie and Leo did in fact talk the next day and the day after that, but despite the apology they’d both made and despite the fact that they had put their little spat to bed, there was far too much sitting there between them unsaid. It was like litter on the ground at a place of outstanding natural beauty, you could still admire the beauty of the trees or the mountains or the winding river, but the piles of rubbish collecting on the floor were glaring and impossible to ignore and you’d find yourself wanting to go over and pick it all up. Nobody wants to look at trash though, not when there’s still rivers and trees and mountains and so Leo and Jamie found themselves ignoring everything that now sat between them and instead kept looking at the beautiful things in their lives. They were busy enough to keep distracted, Leo more so now that she had Ben in her life and before long winter and spring were a whisper of a memory and summer announced her presence in the city with sunnier days and warmer temperatures.

 It was the first time in his life that Jamie wasn’t filled with the usual excitement at going back home, that’s not to say that he wasn’t looking forward to seeing his family, his friends and Leo, but there was something that just didn’t quite feel the same and while he knew exactly what that was, there was no point dragging it back up and flogging it some more. Leo was still with Ben and that was all there was to it. He’d seen Leo a few times since he’d come back home but she was often tied up with work, no longer benefitting from the long summers off she had when she was at college, and the free time she would’ve had before was no longer exclusively Jamie’s. He tried hard not to let himself be hurt with the change in dynamic and instead took the opportunity to spend quality time with his siblings. The idea of getting a drink with Leo and Ben wasn’t one that filled Jamie with any amount of joy, but a promise was a promise and Leo was still the most important person in his life, even if he was no longer hers and he wouldn’t ever go back on his word.

He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect but he also wanted to give himself an easy out if he felt like he needed it so he decided that he was just going to have the one beer so that he could drive himself there and home again. Whether it was subconscious or not, it took Jamie longer than usual to get ready and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was the balmy Toronto heat that had him feeling sweatier than he would’ve liked but he eventually slipped on a pair of converse to complete his shorts and t-shirt ensemble and was in the elevator down to the garage, the keys to his truck gripped tightly in his hand.

Leo was already at the cocktail bar when he arrived, perched on a barstool at a little round table. Her hair was up in a messy bun that she always managed to make look effortless and Jamie had to make a conscious effort to swallow as his eyes took in her sun-kissed skin and the strappy sundress she was wearing. He should have expected her to look gorgeous, of course, because it was Leo and she always looked so effortlessly beautiful but it didn’t make knowing that she was here with someone else and not him hurt any less. He couldn’t blame her though, not really, because for all there was so much between them now that it should’ve been obvious, he still hadn’t outright said it or even talked to her about it and that was on him and him alone. He approached the table where she was sitting alone and looked around the bar for the man he’d only ever seen photos of.

“Hey,” she called out with the smile that always made Jamie’s heart leap up into his throat. “You made it.”

“Said I would,” Jamie replied, hugging her on the barstool and pressing a gentle kiss to her hair. “You look, you look good.”

“Thanks,” grinned Leo. “So do you, very festive. Ben’s just headed to the bar, do you want anything?”

“I’ve got mine, thanks though,” Jamie half-gritted as he made his way to the bar.

He could do this, he could. It was just one drink. He could manage that, right? Because that’s what friends did, they went out for drinks together and so Jamie resolved to put on his best smile as he walked back to the table, where Ben had now situated himself next to Leo, with his beer in hand. Ben was shorter than he was, Jamie noted, and he was definitely on the slighter side but still incredibly handsome with dark brown eyes that seemed to be in a state of perpetual kindness, short and neatly maintained stubble and hair that was darker than Leo’s which he’d secured in a bun at the back of his head. He was nothing like Jamie which should have made him feel better, knowing that if this was Leo’s type then it was no wonder she didn’t see him in that way, but it didn’t, it just made everything feel that little bit worse. He gave them both a tight lipped smile, all he could manage in the moment, as he sidled onto a barstool directly opposite Leo and took an obligatory sip of his beer before offering Ben his hand.

“Jamie”

Ben shook Jamie’s outstretched hand and Jamie was sure to give him a firm and not threatening at all handshake.

“Nice to meet you man,” Ben said with an accent Jamie recognised immediately as either Australian or New Zealander and he tried not to wince at the force with which the giant man was shaking his hand with. “I’m Ben.”

“Good to meet you, Ben. Nice to see you’re taking good care of my girl.”

Jamie knew that his remark would earn him a pointed glare and he was dead right because without even looking at her he could feel Leo’s eyes were boring into the side of his head.

“Yeah,” Ben laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, she’s amazing.”

“She really is. She tell you we’ve been friends for over twenty years?”

“Yeah, I did,” Leo cut in, giving Jamie a warning look. “Ben knows all about you.”

“That’s good,” Jamie mused as he took a sip of his beer. “Yeah, Leo and I? We go way back.”

Jamie put his beer down and stretched his shoulders back, somehow managing to make himself look even broader than usual and watched Ben closely, his blue eyes piercing. Leo rolled her eyes to herself and took a large gulp of her mai tai, if Jamie was going to act like a macho teenage boy then she was going to need to be at least three drinks in for this.

“You were four, right?” Ben asked nobody in particular.

“Yup,” Jamie replied, popping the ‘p’ as he looked at Leo. “Shared my strawberries with her and everything.”

Leo gave Jamie as inconspicuous of a kick as she could manage under the table and shot him a murderous look. She didn’t quite know at what point her best friend had been possessed by the ghost of Bro-mas past or why he was acting in such an insane and ridiculous way but the man opposite her wasn’t the Jamie she knew and to be quite honest, she wasn’t sure that she liked him. Jamie paid her no mind though, his focus remained fixed on the man to Leo’s left as a cocky smirk played on his lips.

“So, Ben,” he folded his arms tight across his chest, his biceps straining against the white fabric of his t-shirt. “What do you do?”

Ben sat up straighter on his stool, whether that was to try and subconsciously match Jamie’s macho-man aura or whether it was to try and instil some confidence in himself Leo couldn’t quite tell but she kept her eyes keen on Jamie and tried to engage whatever best-friend telepathy she could to tell him to knock it off.

“I’m a veterinarian.”

Jamie gave a tight lipped smile, not because there was anything wrong with being a veterinarian, quite the opposite actually. He gave a tight lipped smile because it meant that the man sat beside the girl he loved more than anything else in this world was smart and compassionate and successful and good for her. Those three words had him feeling more inadequate than he could ever truly express and he knew in that moment that there was no point even trying anymore because Ben could give her more than he ever could, intellectually and emotionally, although it still did nothing to abate the raging jealously that was running rampant through his body.

“Leo told me you’re a pro-athlete?”

Jamie was pulled by his thoughts by Ben’s question, an interested and expectant look on his features and Jamie felt the need to take a couple of gulps of his drink before he could answer.

“Yeah, play hockey in the NHL for the Dallas Stars.”

“Not the Maple Leafs then?”

Even though Jamie knew that Ben’s question was innocent enough, he couldn’t help the scoff or the mildly withering look he sent across the table despite the fact that he could feel Leo practically fizzing with annoyance.

“No, bud. It doesn’t work like that.”

Jamie started to look around the bar, clearly done with the conversation and Leo had to fight to keep her tone even and calm.

“Ben doesn’t really know much about the draft and stuff, he’s not from here, grew up in Sydney.”

“I figured,” Jamie said, clearly disinterested. “Still, pretty bold move to live in a city like Toronto and not know about hockey.”

“He knows about hockey,” Leo shot back. “He doesn’t need to know about the draft and how it all works to know about hockey.”

“Who’s your favourite player in the league, bud?” Jamie asked Ben, ignoring Leo completely and with an air of cockiness that had her blood boiling.

“I uh, I don’t really follow it all that much,” Ben replied as he shifted uncomfortably on his barstool which put a smug little smile on Jamie’s face that he didn’t even try to hide.

“You should,” Jamie said as he brought his beer back up to his lips and took a small sip, setting it down on the table with more force than was necessary. “Ask Leo here, she knows what’s up.”

His eyes met Leo’s and instead of the temperate green waters he would usually find there he was met by a roaring flame and if looks could kill, Jamie knew he’d be dead three times over. Still, he swallowed down his pride and as much of his jealousy as he could while he changed the subject and asked Ben about Sydney and what growing up in Australia was like because while he hated every bit of this and while he wanted to walk right out of this bar and go home to mope, he knew how important this was to Leo and how much it would mean to her if Jamie got along with him. Jamie nodded along as Ben talked about his childhood and Sydney and gave a strained smile when he felt like social cues dictated it, all while sneaking glances at the watch on his wrist to see if enough time had passed for him to leave without it seeming rude. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Ben, because no matter how much he wanted to hate the guy, even Jamie couldn’t deny that Ben seemed like a good man, with good priorities and a good upbringing, it was just that he wasn’t mature enough to set his jealousy aside so that he could be a good friend to Leo. But as he saw the smile on her face at the sight of her best friend and her boyfriend somewhat getting along, he resolved to at least keep trying, if only for her.

He’d learned that Ben had taken an interest in baseball since moving to Canada and while he couldn’t understand how he’d found baseball before hockey, he still made small talk about the Blue Jays and how their season was going so far. One thing that Jamie both appreciated and found incredibly painful all at the same time was the way that Ben talked about Leo like she was the sun, the moon and the stars and even though he tried to be strong and try not to let the fact that she was here with someone else and was happy bother him, because he loved Leo and he only ever wanted good things for her and it was what she deserved, after nursing his beer for a shade over two hours, Jamie decided that he couldn’t do it anymore and stepped down off his stool, ceremoniously taking his truck keys from out of his pocket.

“Well, it’s been lovely catching up but I gotta head out, Penny has a swimming thing in the morning and I said I’d go watch.”

“Wait, you never told me Penny had a thing. You know I would’ve come along,” Leo said with her brows furrowed.

“Yeah, well I figured you’d be busy.”

“You would have known if I was busy or not if you’d bothered to ask me in the first place,” she shot back, giving Jamie a pointed look that told him she didn’t buy any of his bullshit.

Jamie shook his head, a wordless indication that he wasn’t prepared to get into it with her right now and simply said, “I’ll just talk to you tomorrow, Leo, yeah? And it was really great to meet you Ben.”

He didn’t even give either of them chance to respond because no sooner were the words out of his mouth, he’d turned on his heel and was striding towards the door.

It wasn’t too long before Leo was letting herself, and only herself, into her apartment. She hadn’t planned to spend the night here, as Ben’s place was a lot closer to the bar they’d been to, but after the little stunt Jamie pulled she felt like she needed to be alone in her own space despite Ben’s best efforts to come home with her. She poured herself a large glass of wine and went to settle herself on the balcony to enjoy the last few moments of the quickly fading light and try to calm down. As she looked out across the small park opposite her apartment and swirled the wine around her glass she thought about what had happened with Jamie and tried to pinpoint at what point it had gone wrong. She wondered if maybe Ben had said something to get Jamie’s back up but as she replayed their interaction over and over again, she kept drawing blanks and that bothered her greatly. You see, Jamie’s whole demeanour was so unbelievably out of character for him and he’d been on the offensive from the get go and Leo couldn’t for the life of her understand why he would agree to meet Ben if he had such a problem. The more she allowed herself to stew over it, the angrier she got and, perhaps against her better judgement, she found herself reaching for her phone and scrolling through her contacts until she reached Jamie’s number.

She wasn’t sure what she would achieve by pressing the call button but if there was something going on with him she was determined to get it out of him one way or another. Hell, she wasn’t even sure if he would even pick up the phone, but sure enough after fifteen seconds or so, Jamie’s voice came through the speaker, rough and raw.

“Leo, I don’t wanna-“

“What’s going on with you?” she interrupted. “You agree to come out with us and then spend the first fifteen minutes being rude, stand-offish and doing some sort of weird macho routine like you’d been possessed by Johnny Bravo and then once you were finished doing that you were disinterested and cold for the rest of the time. Oh and don’t think I didn’t see through your little ‘Penny has a thing’ bit. I wasn’t born yesterday, Jamie.”

“Penny does have a-“

“Don’t lie to me, Jamie,” she spat bitterly. “Don’t.”

“God, you want me to explain and then don’t let me finish! Jesus, Leo!”

“And I don’t want you to insult me by feeding me some bullshit line and using your sister as an excuse to leave early but you tried to anyway! If you didn’t want to hang out with me you should’ve just said.”

The hurt that dripped from Leo’s voice was like a kick in the stomach to Jamie. His heart was screaming at him to tell her everything, to tell her than he loved hanging out with her, tell her that she wasn’t the problem, that she never was, to tell her that he loved her, that he was being stupid and childish and that he couldn’t bear the thought of her with another man, not when she had his whole heart. But his head was gagging his heart, silencing it until it was nothing more than a muffled cry, muted and abstract behind thick walls and yet, despite its conquest of impassioned subjugation, his head didn’t actually have anything to say and so he sat there, floundering in silence while Leo grew more impatient at the other end of the phone.

“I thought you’d be happy for me,” and while she spoke quietly, there was a very distinct edge to her tone. “I thought that you’d want me to find someone, someone who could look out for me while you were gone and make me laugh like you do and it’s not like you’ve been sat at home alone every night, Jamie. I know you’ve been on dates and stuff and that’s good, I want you to go on dates and find someone and be happy because you’re, because you’re my friend and I want you to have someone and not feel like you’re alone. God, I was so lonely when you left, Jame and I don’t blame you for that. I’ve never blamed you because you were too good to stay. You had too much potential and you had to find your wings and you did and I am so, so proud of you. So fucking proud. I spend my life telling anyone who’ll fucking listen to me how proud I am of you. I cry myself hollow every single time you leave, it never gets any easier and from the second you leave I’m already counting down the days until you’re back, because you’re my favourite person, Jamie. You’ve always been my favourite person.”

Jamie sniffled quietly as he heard Leo’s soft cries filter through the speaker, dragging his hand through his hair in frustration because he knew she felt it too, all she had to do was say it out loud and it was so close that all she had to do was reach out to it.

“And I want you to be happy too,” Leo continued. “I want you to be so happy. Maybe we’ve been a part of each other for so long that we don’t know how to just be us on our own. Maybe we need to discover who we actually are because for our whole lives it’s been Jamie and Leo and maybe you need to learn how to just be Jamie and maybe I need to learn how to just be Leo.”

Jamie wiped at his eyes as the first of his tears began to fall and his heart shattered into a million little pieces. This is what it was like to blow it, to lose someone you loved. This is what it was like to have your whole world come crashing down because it felt like everything he ever known was shrinking into darkness and that he couldn’t breathe.

“Leo,” he pleaded but with no real words to follow up with. “Please.”

“I think,” Leo choked out as her sobs came harder as the words she never wanted to say sat high in her throat because while she was mad at him for how he’d acted earlier, he was still her Jamie and she still loved him more than anything. But sometimes people who love each other need some time apart to think and to grow and that is what had her saying, “I think we need to give each other some space.”

“No, Leo. Please. Please, babe. Don’t say that. I know I was an asshole tonight and-.”

“We need this Jamie, we do. I need this, because this, this fighting and hostility and all of this weirdness, it’s not us. It’s never been us. Please.”

Jamie sat on his couch stunned, the weight of her words echoing around him after she’d spoke them through the phone. This was everything he’d ever feared and now that it was really happening he didn’t even know how to begin to deal with that. You can hypothesise and spend your time thinking up all of these scenarios and everything you would say, how’d you deal with them, but nothing, nothing, can ever prepare you for the real thing and Jamie understood that now because it felt like his head was spinning and he couldn’t quite organise his thoughts.

“Jamie?”

Her quiet voice pulled him out from the depths of his own head and he gave a strangled ‘yeah’ in response.

“I just think we need some time,” she whispered, the tears threatening once more.

Jamie honestly didn’t know what else to say to her and the ‘okay’ he gave was so quiet and so abstract that he wasn’t even a hundred percent sure that he’d actually said it, he must have done though because the line went dead and Jamie was left sitting in the pieces of his shattered heart.

 Jamie couldn’t remember how long he’d cried for, he wasn’t even sure how many days he’d stayed locked inside his apartment before he felt strong enough to put on a brave face and eventually go outside. He knew that he only had himself to blame though, that he should’ve told her years ago that it was her and that she was it for him and now, because of his own stupidity, his own jealousy, he’d only succeeded in pushing her away and he wasn’t sure how he could fix this or if he could even fit it at all. It was a strange feeling, being in the same city as someone and yet feeling like they were a million miles away, it was even harder having to dodge questions from his family about how Leo was doing and what they’d been up to and even though he was certain that his mother could see straight through his lies, he was thankful that she could at least sense that this was something he didn’t want her to prod him about. For the first time in his professional playing career, Jamie made the decision to leave Toronto early and head back to Pittsburgh before the start of training camp, citing a desire to get a head start and get back in shape ready for the season ahead and while his parents found it all to be rather odd, Jamie did his best to assure them that everything was fine and that he’d see them the next time the Penguins played the Leafs in Toronto at Christmastime.

Leo wasn’t doing much better, despite whatever front she’d put up to try and convince herself and everybody else. She’d cried until she was nothing but a shell, figuring that the best thing to do was just to get it all out of her system so that she could look to put it all behind her and move on but stumbling every single time whenever she remembered that he’d called her ‘babe’, because that was new and she didn’t fully understand what exactly that had meant and why it made her heart leap into her throat every time she thought of the word rolling around on his tongue. To make matters worse, the day after she pushed Jamie away for some self-imposed space, Ben had stopped by her apartment, naturally concerned after she’d ignored all of his calls – not that it was anything personal, she’d been ignoring everyone.

He’d told her that he thought Jamie was in love with her and he also told her that he thought she loved Jamie too, like it was that simple and while Leo tried her best to assure him that her and Jamie were just friends, he wasn’t about to be convinced. Make no mistake, it wasn’t as if Ben was accusatory in anyway, in fact Leo would’ve preferred it if he was, because he was looking at her with far too much understanding and kindness than she was sure she deserved. She found it admirable really, how he was able to be so mature about it all and it just proved to her how childishly she had handled everything and just how blind to everything she’d been. The words Ben had left her with were ones that she’d meditate on for weeks, months even. He’d said, ‘I think you need to talk to Jamie, really talk to him. You both need to sit down and look at every single thing between you both because it’s all there, the love, the spark between you two. I’d never even met the guy before but I could just feel it between you guys as soon as you looked at each other. I saw the way he looked at you when he walked into that bar, he looked at you like you’d hung all the stars in the sky. That’s love, Leo and I know that deep down you feel that way too. If after you’ve done that you can still look me in the eye and honestly tell me that you don’t love him and that there’s nothing there then I’ll be here waiting and we can give this a shot, but I think you need to really think about what you want.’

It seemed like such a simple thing on paper, working out what she really wanted, but the reality of it all was that Leo wasn’t exactly sure what that looked like. One thing was clear though, without Jamie in her life she was miserable, but this had been her idea and she knew that it’d been one that had broken his heart and to slink back to him so soon, with her tail between her legs after knowing she’d hurt him by pushing him away, was too much for her silly little pride to handle. She told herself that she would call him, that she would reach out and apologise, but with every day that slipped by it felt like the space between them grew tenfold and something as simple as a phone call felt like it was as hard as climbing Everest.

Jamie had hoped that getting back to Dallas would take his mind off Leo, the sprawling void between them and his feelings for her, and he’d tried, he’d really honestly tried, even going so far as signing up to dating apps to try and drown her out that way, but it was useless. Leo was everywhere and nowhere all at once and Jamie felt like he was floating in outer space, surrounded by dust and emptiness when all he wanted was to feel like he was home; but as each day passed without any contact from her, the more lost Jamie felt and he was terrified that he’d never be found and that he’d be floating around in the nothingness forevermore.

 The months fell away much like the russet leaves of fall and Christmas was suddenly only a whisper away. Jamie had made preparations to stay in Toronto following the Penguins’ matinee game against the Leafs on December 23rd and would fly back into Pennsylvania the day after Christmas ready for his first game after the holiday on December 27th. He couldn’t remember a time where he’d been able to enjoy Christmas at home with his family since turning pro and even though his return to Toronto would bring him closer to Leo and while there was still a lot of uncertainty between them both given that they hadn’t actually spoken since August, he was looking forward to being able to unwind for a few days before the second push of the season began. He hadn’t told Leo that his plans would bring him back to the city but she’d figured as much when she’d discovered that the last game the Leafs would play before Christmas would be against Pittsburgh and she knew he would be staying once she realised Pittsburgh’s next game wasn’t for another few days.

She knew that she should reach out while he was home, not only because it was the right thing to do, but also because she hadn’t actually told her parents that she’d not spoken a word to him in the last four months and it would look incredibly weird if she didn’t see him at least once while he was back in town. There were a number of reasons why she’d not said anything about the spat that she’d had with Jamie, the main one being because it would open a whole can of worms that she absolutely did not want opening, it would open her up to questions from her parents and they were questions that she didn’t want to face and didn’t really have answers for. The reason she didn’t have answers to those questions was because while she’d finally accepted that Jamie wasn’t just a friend, she also knew that she’d blown any real chance with him because of the way she’d acted so it was far easier to maintain that air of indifference and pretend like there was nothing there so that she didn’t have to deal with the reality that she’d ruined everything with her own stupidity.

She’d toyed with the idea of sending him a quick text message to check in, but after everything they’d been through it seemed a little bit impersonal, although it didn’t have her picking up the phone either. She’d wondered if Jamie would even want to see her while he was home for those few days over the holidays, after all, for all she’d been the one to impose their time apart, he hadn’t exactly reached out to her. What did she expect though? She knew deep down Jamie was always going to respect her wishes, even if they broke his heart, but it was easier to ignore that and instead fester in her own misery.

The decision on whether or not to see Jamie was made for her though, with her mother telling her that the Oleksiaks thought it would be nice for them all to get together before Christmas and that arrangements had been made for them to all attend the game followed by dinner at The Butcher Chef. Leo couldn’t help but be a little bit surprised at this, considering how awful she’d been to Jamie and she was shocked that his family would want to spend more than a second with her, which could only lead her to believe that Jamie had deployed the same tactic of silence with his parents as she had done with her own. It should have been funny, how similar they were, but it was that similarity that had dropped them into this mess in the first place. If only one of them had been mature enough to look at all that there was between them and take that leap of faith, perhaps she’d be overjoyed at the prospect of seeing Jamie instead of that sickening anxious feeling that knotted her stomach. It was ironic, she thought, how Jamie had always thought of her as being brave because right now, as she looked back on her behaviour and how she’d handled it all, she’d been anything but.

Leo was more than a little relieved to discover that they’d be meeting the Oleksiaks inside of Scotiabank Area because it meant that Jamie wouldn’t be with them and she could at least catch up with Richard, Alison, Hayley and Penny without any massive amounts of awkwardness. She could play off her recent and sudden distance on work being crazy and hopefully, just hopefully, by the end of the game she’d be feeling relaxed enough that seeing Jamie wouldn’t be the big deal she’d made it out to be in her head. As she took her seat in the stands she found herself sandwiched between her mother and Penny, the youngest Oleksiak. Leo had always loved Jamie’s sisters, especially Penny, seeing a lot of herself in the younger girl and they’d always been partners in crime when it came to winding Jamie up. They’d talked about Penny’s swimming and how she’d been and the thundering in Leo’s chest had begun to settle somewhat until Penny had mentioned how down Jamie had seemed the last time they’d talked and that she hoped Leo could give him one of her world-famous pep talks to snap him out of his funk. If Penny had felt Leo stiffen beside her at that, she mercifully didn’t say anything and continued to watch the game. Leo couldn’t focus though, not when the guilt had suddenly jumped up from where she’d shoved it deep down into her stomach and now felt like it had lodged itself within her windpipe. She had taken to focusing on the game clock, counting along with the numbers until she could push through the tightening in her chest and set her features into something that was a bit more neutral instead of the tight-lipped grimace she was wearing. Leo was thankful that the game on the ice was end-to-end because no one had seemed to notice the turmoil she found herself in and no questions were asked.

Leo declined the invitation from Alison and Richard to go down with them to wait for Jamie to come out of the locker room, simply stating that she would keep her parents company and wait with them upstairs and was relieved when they didn’t press the issue or make insistences. It was around forty minutes later when she saw the tall figure of Jamie’s dad appear in the foyer, Alison and the girls close behind with Jamie bringing up the rear. It was like one of those cliché romance movie moments, where two people find each other’s eyes across a crowded room and it feels like the whole world stops spinning, except most of the people had filtered out of the stadium by now and the space between them felt so vast that it would take lightyears to cross.

He was cautious, Leo noticed, but his eyes were just as soft as they’d always been as they took her in. She looked good, Jamie thought, but there was a sadness in her smile and the spark he’d always associated with her was barely there. He wanted so desperately to pull her tight against his chest and tell her that he was sorry over and over again until he was sure that she believed him, but this wasn’t the time nor the place so he settled for an awkward wave and a ‘hey’ that sounded too nervous and too hesitant to be greeting an old friend with, instantly regretting it when he saw the tight-lipped smile and too formal ‘hello’ that she gave in reply. Their parents exchanged a serious of glances that ranged from confusion to concern but much to Leo and Jamie’s reprieve, Alison simply clapped her hands together and remarked how lovely it was that everyone was back together again. Leo made sure to stick close to her parents during the short walk to the restaurant because while she wasn’t certain that Jamie would try to address the weirdness between them and while she also knew that it was a conversation that they absolutely needed to have, she wasn’t sure that a five minute walk within earshot of their families was the best time.

An awkward exchange at the door to the restaurant, where the two of them spent a good twenty seconds inviting each other to go in ahead, earned the pair strange looks from their parents and Penny had uttered ‘weirdos’ as she side-eyed them while they were all escorted to their table. The fact that they’d purposefully chosen seats as far away from each other as possible raised their fathers’ eyebrows while Alison and Diana shared a worried glance. Penny was giving her brother a pointed look from behind her menu before flicking her gaze across to Leo, who was studying the wine list as if it were written in hieroglyphics, and back to Jamie, who could only respond with a pleading look and a shake of his head. When the order was taken Jamie couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows at the prawn, avocado and chilli bruschetta Leo had picked for her appetizer. For as long as he’d known her they’d been united in their mutual hatred of the green pitted fruit and despite the fact that it was entirely plausible that her taste-buds had changed in the four months since they’d last spoken and despite it being something so incredibly small, and so incredibly innocuous, he couldn’t help but feel further away from her than ever before. The feeling only grew as he listened to her talk to his mother about what she’d been up to in her spare time, not even knowing that she’d taken up watercolour painting and had been to a belly-dancing taster class that she’d thoroughly enjoyed and was considering signing up to. It might have only been four months apart, but it might as well have been an entire lifetime that had passed and the ache in his chest made it impossible to focus on anything else other than the overwhelming sadness he felt at the recognition that everything had changed between them and that things would never be the same again.

The pair soldiered on through dinner, seeming to talk to everyone else but each other and while there was the occasional shared glance, it never lasted for any longer than a couple of seconds before one of them looked away and carried on like it had never even happened. It was all getting a bit much for Jamie, with the way that it felt like he was losing her with each second that passed and the way it felt like she was at the other side of the world and not at the other side of a table. He wanted to scream into that void, scream that this was all stupid, that he was sorry and that he missed her so much that he felt like he was going to die, but he didn’t. Instead he’d told Bill all about Pittsburgh and the season so far and made small talk about what kind of vehicle he should buy next. Leo found herself getting agitated at how forced it all felt, how uncomfortable she was and all she wanted was for dessert to be over so they could split the bill and say their goodbyes so that she could lock herself in her apartment and drown her despair in a bottle of wine. It killed her that the man she’d known from being a little boy, a man who knew her better than anyone else in the world, felt like a complete stranger, but above that, it killed her that this had been all of her own making. There was so much she should have done differently and even more that she should have said, but instead her own stupidity and stubbornness had pushed away the one thing in her life she wanted the most and she’d convinced herself that Jamie had only agreed to this and sorted tickets for the game tonight because he knew it would make his mother happy. That thought forced Leo to swallow down the emotion that sat high in her throat because it was just another reminder of every BBQ and every party the two families had ever shared together and how it all felt that little bit different now. Not only had she ruined things between her and Jamie, but she’d also managed to ruin things for everyone else too.

Not a moment too soon for Leo, the two families were paying the check and found themselves outside in the chilly evening air. Leo let herself be passed down the line of Oleksiaks for a goodbye hug, chastising herself each time for how stiff was but still not able to let herself relax despite the awareness, until she was confronted with Jamie’s large frame. She couldn’t not hug him with how it felt like all eyes were on them both and so she allowed herself to be pulled awkwardly into his body while her own was filled with tension that she was sure everyone could see but couldn’t help all the same.

“Goodnight,” Jamie mumbled. “Have a good Christmas.”

“Yeah,” Leo replied, voice robotic and distant as she pulled away a little too quickly. “You too.”

An awkward silence descended upon the group that had Jamie shifting uncomfortably and Leo drawing her coat tighter around her for reasons unrelated to the cold Toronto air. Leo could tell her mother was desperate to say something and she was praying to anyone who was listening that this would be one of those things that Diana would let slide without pressing further. Someone somewhere must have heard her silent pleas though because her mother said her goodbyes once more and wished Jamie a safe trip back to Pittsburgh before the trio headed back towards the car. Nobody spoke for a few beats as they settled into their seats and put on their belts but Leo knew that the barrage of incoming questions was imminent judging by the look in her father’s eye as she caught his gaze in the rearview mirror.

“Wanna tell us what that was all about?”

“It’s nothing,” Leo mumbled as she adjusted her coat.

“Honey, that was about as far from nothing as you could get,” her mother replied as she turned in her seat to look at Leo. “I coulda cut the atmosphere between you two back there with a knife.”

“Honestly, mom, it’s nothing and I’d really rather not discuss it right-“

“Not an option,” her father cut in, a stern edge to his tone. “I’m pulling rank and I’m playing the ‘dad’ card here. What happened back there was painful to watch and it made dinner incredibly awkward so I’ll ask you again, what happened between you two?”

Leo exhaled into the darkness of the car as the city lights passed by outside, unsure where to even begin. She decided to lead with the obvious and hoped that the rest would follow.

“We fought,” she said matter-of-factly. “We had a stupid argument and we haven’t spoken since August.”

“Oh, Leonora,” her mother sighed. “What could the two of you have possibly fought over that stopped you from talking for four months?”

“Remember when I was dating Ben?”

Diana hummed in acknowledgment.

“Well, that night that Ben and I went out for drinks, the night before we broke up, we met up with Jamie and he was… he was kind of an asshole to Ben.”

Bill chuckled softly at that, a million miles away from the harshness of his tone not a few moments ago and shook his head which earned him a glare from Leo into the rearview mirror.

“Oh come on,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re a bright girl, Leo. You must have realised that he was acting out of jealousy.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Dad. Why the hell would Jamie be jealous of Ben?”

“For someone who is so incredibly smart you really are oblivious,” her mother replied with an exasperated sigh. “That boy is head over heels for you. Has been for years.”

“What? Don’t be insane!” Leo scoffed as she rolled her eyes. “Jamie and I are-“

“Just friends,” Bill interrupted. “Sure ya are.”

“We are.”

Leo crossed her arms over her chest, not caring that it made her look like she’d regressed back into her teenage years, especially with the frustrated pout that had formed on her lips. Her father sighed in mild frustration, too full of food to have much patience for his daughter’s stubbornness.

“You’re just too stubborn to see anythin’ else. Talk some sense into her, Di, would ya?”

Diana surveyed Leo with a soft expression, perceptive enough to know that her daughter was struggling with some inner tumult but was too bull-headed to verbalise it and too proud to ask for help.

“Nora Noo,” she said softly to get Leo’s eyes on hers. “You must know by now that Jamie loves you,” Leo went to speak but Diana anticipated her protests and cut her off gently. “And not just as a friend. He loves you and I’d hazard a guess that you love him too.”

“He doesn’t love me, mom. We didn’t speak for four months.”

“And was that his idea?”

Leo looked away and her silence told her mother all she needed to know.

“I didn’t think so. Sounds to me like he was just giving you the space you asked for.”

“Why would you assume it was me who asked for space? I never said that,” Leo protested.

“You didn’t have to,” Diana countered, her eyes keen on Leo. “I know you well enough to know that you were clearly struggling with all these feelings that you didn’t know what to do with, you were mad at him and the easiest thing for you to do was push him away and because Jamie loves you so much, he respected your wishes, even though he’s quite clearly been struggling too.”

Leo didn’t have an answer to that because she knew that any words that came out of her mouth would’ve been a lie. Her mother had hit the nail on the head and she knew it too because while her eyes were still soft on Leo, there was the hint of a smirk on her lips and she knew she had her daughter stumped. She decided not to push the issue anymore though and shifted in her seat to face forwards again, leaving Leo sat in the back of the car, brows knitted together and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. She didn’t speak another word until they pulled up outside of her apartment building and even then all she could manage was a subdued goodbye followed up with ‘see you both tomorrow.’

If Leo could’ve been a fly on the wall in the Oleksiaks’ car, she’d have laughed at the fact that Jamie was being subjected to a similar, if not identical, lecture from his parents as the one she’d received. They’d get a good kick out of the absurdity of it all later on when the dust had settled, but Jamie didn’t know that yet and his face was currently drawn in pensive thought while he mulled over his mother’s words that had scarily echoed Diana’s to Leo in their sentiments. He knew she was right, about all of it and the more he thought about it, the more he began to understand that this might be the only chance he had to make things right before Leo slipped away from him for good. It was that realization and that overwhelming fear of losing the one thing in his life he was sure of that had him asking his father to turn the car around and to take him to Leo’s apartment.

 The warm glow of the Christmas lights in Leo’s apartment would have ordinarily brought a smile to her face but she was too weary to fall for their charms tonight and it was the kind of weariness that she was sure couldn’t be fixed with sleep. Seeing Jamie tonight had made everything exponentially harder and only served as a painful and bitter reminder of just how bad she’d let things get between them. She should’ve reached out, she should’ve stared down everything that was right in front of her but she was too afraid to see and she should have said everything that she knew to be true in her heart and that Jamie deserved to hear. She wiped the makeup off her face angrily as she tried to supress a sniffle, a too-big Huskies sweatshirt that had belonged to Jamie hanging off her frame that served as a symbol of her wilful suffering. She knew that it wasn’t the best idea to try and numb the pain with a bottle of wine, but she didn’t know what else to do in the moment and so she collected the bottle of medicinal Riesling from the fridge, grabbed herself the biggest wine glass she owned and took them into her living room.

She was just about to bring the glass up to her lips when a loud and urgent knock at her door made her jump right out of her skin. She debated ignoring it but it became so insistent and unrelenting that she was worried the noise would disturb her neighbours and so she begrudgingly set her glass down before dragging her body from the couch and to the door. On the other side of it was a frantic looking Jamie, chest heaving from presumably taking the stairs and a slightly wild look in the usually calm ocean of his eyes.

“Can I come in?” he asked, a hint of nervousness in his otherwise resolute delivery.

“You know you can,” Leo breathed as she moved out of the way to let him in, closing the door behind him and leaning against it as she watched him carefully.

The silence stretched between them, Leo waiting nervously for Jamie to speak while he took a few settling breaths. He knew that he had to get this right because he felt like one wrong word would lose him everything. It was the same reason why Leo maintained a tentative reticence.

A moment.

That was all it would take.

One moment that sat like a void and one moment that could change everything, whichever way it went. This was such a moment, so big that it felt like entire galaxies could fit inside of it and still leave room for more. He waited for her to speak for what felt like forever while she stood on a knife edge, knowing that whatever words come out of her mouth next would rearrange both of their lives in ways that they understood would make it impossible to return to how things were not even ten minutes ago, not that either of them wanted to go back to that.

Yes, it was moment that was terrifying in every conceivable way.

But it was theirs.

“What happened to us?” Jamie wondered aloud, breaking the deafening silence. “How the hell did we get to this?”

“You were the one who was an ass, Jamie, not me,” Leo shot back, perhaps angrier than was necessary given the fact that Jamie’s question wasn’t delivered accusingly. “I know I should’ve told you about Ben and I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings by not saying anything sooner but that toxic masculinity bullshit at the bar? Really?”

“You don’t fucking see it, do you?” Jamie laughed humourlessly, Leo’s tone causing a flicker of anger within his chest. “Even now, when I’m here right in front of you, you’re still too stubborn to see it or maybe you do see it but you just don’t have the balls to tell me that you don’t feel the same way.”

“Don’t you dare make assumptions about how I feel,” Leo snapped, the tears springing to her eyes in an instant. “Don’t you dare. You have no idea what these past four months-“

“Of course I do!” Jamie spat. “I’ve been living it every single day since you told me you needed space! I wake up and it hurts, I go to bed and it still fucking hurts. I felt like I was dying every single day. You wanted this and it fucking broke my heart, Leo, it broke my heart but I did it anyway because you asked me to and I would do anything for you, anything in the whole world and yet you couldn’t even be honest with yourself and see what was right in front of you.”

Leo’s heart splintered and cracked at the agony etched into Jamie’s features, agony that she knew she’d caused and she couldn’t stop the tears from breaking the dam she was precariously keeping them behind and surging forward as Jamie’s own silent tears slipped out onto his cheeks.

“All I wanted was for you to love me like I love you, Leo. That was it.”

Jamie’s broken voice pulled the sob from her lungs but even though it felt like she couldn’t breathe and even though she knew she’d made such a mess of things, she still managed to catch those three words and hang onto them like they were a life line that would keep her from drifting away into outer space. They were also the words that had her legs carrying her towards him, closing the distance and pushing everything that separated them to the side until she was pressed tightly against his chest with her arms tight around him.

“I do, Jamie,” she cried. “I do love you. I love you more than anything else in this world and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that I pushed you away, that I ignored everything for so long. You’re my person, Jame, you always have been, ever since we were kids, long before I even understood what love was. Fuck, I’m so sorry, Jame.”

Jamie held her tightly within his arms, frightened that she might float away if he didn’t keep her steadfast against him and buried his face into her hair, his own quiet tears falling into the umber strands as he shushed her gently to quieten her cries.

“I’m sorry too, babe. I should have told you, I should have said something, I just didn’t know what to say and I was so scared that I’d lose you and then when I found out you were dating, I just, I hated the idea of you with anyone else and I know that was wrong and I know that I should’ve just told you how I was feeling but the thought of you not feeling the same way, God, it killed me.”

Leo lifted her head, the wet jungle of her eyes shining like the Amazon meeting the lagoon of his as her hand reached up to caress his strong jaw and Jamie nuzzled into the touch before he pressed a soft kiss to her palm, everything else melting away until it was just the feeling of her skin and the gentle press of her body against his.

“There’s no one else like you Jamieson Oleksiak,” she murmured softly as her thumb swept gently across his cheek. “No one.”

“I love you, Leo,” Jamie whispered, his eyes shining with tears before he slowly dipped his head down to bring his lips to hers and captured them in a tender kiss, their first kiss.

She melted into him instantly, her hands moving to the back of his neck while his found the backs of her thighs to lift her up and wrap her legs around his waist. He kissed her like he was suffocating and she was his oxygen, kissed her for every time he should’ve told her that he loved her and kissed her for every day that he should have already been kissing her and for everything Jamie was giving her, Leo gave it back tenfold. Their mouths moved together in a complete unity which betrayed the fact that they hadn’t already been doing this for years, each knowing what the other needed with each pass of their tongues and every pause for breath.

Leo’s fingers tangled themselves into Jamie’s short curls and the gentle tug she gave them earned her a deep groan and a flex of his palms against her thighs. It was instinctive, really, to carry her into her bedroom and though Leo should’ve felt anxious about sharing that final part of herself with Jamie, it felt like the most natural thing in the world for her to do. He removed her clothes carefully, almost dutifully, exalting her skin with his mouth like her body was a temple and every kiss was a holy offering. He learned her body like lyrics from his favourite song and remembered every sigh and every flex of her fingers against his skin whenever he did something that she liked until he was confident that he would be able recite it word for word if she asked him to. He’d never felt more at home than he did between her thighs with her arms wrapped around the broad expanse of his back and with every breath and every moan shared between them both, he knew with complete certainty that she was it for him and while he didn’t know the exact details of what their life together would look like, he also knew that it didn’t really matter as long as he had her.

They moved together between the sheets as sure and as steady as the falling snow outside, in their own world where nothing and no one could touch them and all that mattered was what they were giving to each other in that moment. Leo carved her name into Jamie’s skin as her nails raked across his shoulders, a wordless encouragement for more of him. She was cradled within his arms, safe and warm and home while his lips brushed along her jaw, whispers of love murmured into her skin with every breath he took. He quickened his pace as he sensed the wave begin to grow inside of her, swallowing her moans with a kiss when the wave finally broke against the shore and she tumbled over the edge. He stayed with her as she rode the crest of her orgasm, working her through it while he chased his own high.

“Fuck, Leo. I’m so close, babe,” he gritted, hips driving into hers.

“Let go, Jame…”

He kissed her roughly as his hips faltered, spilling inside of her with a low groan and shallow thrusts until he was spent. Leo’s lips brushed along his jaw, pressing kisses along the sharp angle of his face and against the shell of his ear.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, Jamie smiling against her neck before pulling out and rolling onto his back, nestling her into his side until she settled with her head against his chest and her arm draped over his stomach. He dropped his lips to press a kiss against her forehead, gentle and chaste and full of all the love her had for her while Leo’s fingers traced along his ribs, leaving a ripple of goose bumps in their wake.

They laid in silence for a while, limbs tangled in the sheets while the snow fell silently outside. It was a peace that reflected the one they both felt within their souls and Leo wasn’t sure she ever wanted to leave the solace and serenity of their cocoon, the steady thump of Jamie’s heart and the gentle rise and fall of his chest had her in a trance-like state and it was Jamie’s soft chuckle that pulled her back to the present.

“Sorry,” she murmured.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly into her hair.

“Yeah.” She shifted and propped herself up on her elbow so that she was looking at Jamie, smiling at the peaceful expression she found resting on his features. “Just happy.”

He reached out to cup the back of her head and pulled her in to place three gentle pecks to her lips, smiling against her mouth before he pulled away to look into her eyes and tuck the loose strands of her hair back.

“Good,” he grinned. “Because this would be really fuckin’ awkward if you weren’t.”

Leo laughed at that, free and easy and Jamie felt like he could fly with the way her head was thrown back and her eyes had crinkled with her bright smile.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Yeah, it really would.”

She looked at him for a breath, the smile still playing on her lips before she moved her eyes to the tattoo at his ribs and traced the lines of it lightly with her fingertips. She knew that this was good and right and everything she’d ever wanted for so long and she knew that it would take a while before she could truly forgive herself for everything she’d put Jamie through, but the rhythmic stroking of Jamie’s fingers against her lower back kept her grounded in this moment with him before her mind could take off running while she focused on the black lines of ink on his skin.

“I um wasn’t completely honest with you about that tattoo,” Jamie mumbled.

“What about?”

“When you asked if I’d got it for you.”

Leo shook her head gently. “I was only teasing, Jame.”

“Yeah, I know,” he acknowledged. “But it really always was for you, at least in some part.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Remember that I told you that it represented bravery and courage?” He asked, Leo nodding in response. “Well those were things that I learned from you. You taught me what it meant to be brave, what it meant to live fearlessly and to be brave and chase my dreams. That lion is you Leo and you’ve been with me. You’ve been with me this whole time.”

Leo didn’t quite know what to say to that because while she’d always quietly and selfishly imagined that it was for her, having it confirmed by Jamie was an entirely different ball game and it was a little overwhelming but in the best possible way. She instead curled herself back into his side and rested her head against his strong chest, her arm draping heavily around him. Jamie wrapped her tight in his arms, nuzzling his nose into her hair and pressing soft kisses to the crown of her head while he breathed her in, all pineapple and coconut and Leo.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked quietly.

“You know you can.”

“What was with the avocado tonight?”

Jamie was slightly taken aback by the gentle laugh Leo let out against his chest but didn’t move from where his nose was nestled amongst the wild waves on top of her head.

“I don’t know, honestly,” Leo admitted, her lips quirking into a small smile against Jamie’s skin. “Guess I just wanted to try it to see if I still hated it.”

“And I’m guessing by the fact you left half of it on your plate-“

“Still disgusting,” Leo interjected with a laugh which Jamie matched in earnest before pressing another kiss into her hair while she went quiet again once more.

She closed her eyes and let the steady thud of Jamie’s heartbeat quiet her mind that had taken itself off to the races and was trying to work out how this would all work and where that would leave them when Jamie had to go back to Pittsburgh in a couple of days. Jamie sensed her though, so in tune with her and her body and her mind to pick up on the subtle little cues that told him she was going down the rabbit hole, so he called her back to him with a gentle whisper of her name.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“I just,” she sighed quietly. “I just don’t know how this looks for us, Jame. I just got you and now it feels like I’m gonna lose you all over again. It’s different this time, you leaving and I know it’s gonna-.” She trailed off, sniffling slightly as the pain of Jamie leaving town washed over her and filled her eyes with fresh tears.

“Hey, hey”, Jamie soothed, tucking his fingers under her chin and tilting her head up to get her eyes on his. “It’s okay, babe. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure it out, okay? Pittsburgh isn’t far away and you can come and stay whenever you want. We’ll get through the rest of this season and then when I’m home in the summer we can work out all the details, yeah?”

Leo saw the intensity and the certainty in Jamie’s eyes and she saw the truth in them, their truth and Leo knew that whatever happened, Jamie would make sure that they were okay, so she nodded her head slowly and buried her face against the crook of his neck.

“We’re gonna be fine, baby,” he murmured into her hair. “Let’s not worry about that right now, yeah? Let’s just focus on this moment.”

He pressed a sequence of kisses to the top of her head and settled her comfortably against him, drawing little circles with his fingertips at her hips until he felt her body go heavy as she slipped into sleep.

Jamie laid there, his eyes drifting to the window where the snow was still falling heavily outside and smiled to himself despite the fact that he knew Leo was right. He didn’t know how this would look for them either and he didn’t know what the future had in store for him, he didn’t even know if he was going to be in Pittsburgh next year and God only knows where he would end up. But none of that really mattered, not really, because when he looked at Leo fast asleep in his arms, the woman who was his whole world and always had been, he knew that wherever he went, wherever his path would lead him, he would always have a home in her heart and now that he knew that he had a home in hers too, everything else was just confetti.

Love isn’t always fireworks. It’s not always loud or in your face or even a moment where you lock eyes with a stranger across the room and fall head over heels at first sight. Sometimes love is quiet. Sometimes love grows slowly like an oak tree, starting out as a tiny acorn before springing tiny shoots and leaves and while it might not look like much at first, the roots grow deep and strong and nurture the sapling until it becomes something big and beautiful. It happens so slowly over time that it can be difficult to notice it happening at all, but it grows all the same, bigger and bigger until it’s mighty and proud and impossible to ignore. The tree is strong, unmoveable, enduring and weathers whatever storm comes its way because it’s had the time and the devotion to mature into something truly remarkable. That is the kind of love that many only ever get to dream of and Jamie and Leo would be thankful every second of every day that they were lucky enough to find that in each other because even though we live in a universe of infinite possibilities, there are some things in life that just make sense and when it’s good and it’s right, it will always find a way.

[dirt-cup-draco]

George x Reader- Firsts

hi hi, can you please do one with 7th year George where he’s dating a hufflepuff reader and they’re like 3 months into the relationship or something and she has never had any previous experiences....

You were avoiding George like he was a dungbomb and he knew it very well. He figured that if he’d given you some space you would’ve come around by dinner but you were still nowhere to be seen and George couldn’t help but think he’d scared you off for good. 

The night before you two had been cuddled up in your common room after everyone else had vanished for bed and he had promised that he wouldn’t get caught and he wouldn’t miss your date that weekend by getting detention from Filch. With a playful glare from you and a kiss on your cheek from him, you two had returned to reclining on the plush couch and talking idly about your days. 

When you had both grown a bit sleepy, George had meant to kiss you goodbye but neither of you had wanted to pull away. You’d been so warm in his lap and he could feel your every curve. He’d slipped a hand underneath your yellow jumper and then- you had pulled away, so harshly in fact that you had dropped to the floor with a squeak. 

After that you’d been red faced and unwilling to meet his eye. George had meant to apologize, for what he wasn’t exactly sure, had his hands been cold? Had he gone too far without realizing it? You’d told him with a faked yawn that you needed to be getting to bed and he needed to sneak back to his dorm without getting caught. He hadn’t had the chance to talk to you and it left him very uneasy now that he couldn’t find you. 

“Where’s your girl?” Katie nodded to the empty space beside George. Ever since the two of you had started going out, three months ago, you had eaten your dinner at the Gryffindor’s table and he ate lunch at yours while breakfast was reserved for your friends. Now, you were absent, but no one dared fill the gap in case you arrive.

“Uh- oh, yeah Y/N said she had extra classes tonight. I think she’ll be out soon, I’m gonna go meet up with her,” George chimed in, hoping his friends didn’t realize that he didn’t know where you were and that he hadn’t known all damn day. It seemed his bumbling answer had passed and George walked off, his plate still full. 

Walking the corridors, George wracked his brain for any indication of where you might be. He had tried your common room three times already and no one had seen you at all. You hadn’t showed up to breakfast, or you had once he had gone, and the same went for lunch. He felt as if he had done something wrong but he never thought you’d disappear because of that. If something was wrong, why hadn’t you come to talk to him? 

You two hadn’t yet had a bump in your relationship but the more hours passed, the more George viewed this as a bump. He was fighting helplessness, confusion and frustration. If you hadn’t asked him to leave so abruptly the night before he might think that you had just been busy all day, but even on your busiest days you had found time to see George for even a short while. Was he being selfish or needy? Of course you could do what you wanted with your day but you’d always been content to spend as much time with him as you could get and he felt the same. 

George’s stomach churned. Had your feelings changed? Maybe you were finding a way to tell him you didn’t want to be together. Maybe you were with someone else... No. George knew you and it didn’t matter how bad a relationship got, you would never cheat on him.

 He was lost deep in his thoughts, wondering what he could’ve possibly done, when he ran into someone. It took him a second to realize that he had even hit someone, let alone knocked them to the ground. It took three more seconds to realize that the girl on the ground was you. Your scarf was draped around your neck and your hair was messier than he had ever seen it but the howl of the wind against the school seemed to answer that question. Your nose was tipped with pink and you looked up at him with watery eyes. 

“Um, hi?” You finally squeaked when George dropped the the ground beside you, gathering you into a tight hug. Realizing he was squeezing a bit too hard he pulled back and found it difficult to look at you. His heart thumped against his chest with an unrelenting pace. 

“Been looking for you all day, love,” George explained, rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but you. “Thought something was wrong and been worried all day,” 

You watched your boyfriend and found he couldn’t sit still. It was a common trait people associated with the twins but you knew he fidgeted most when he was nervous and right now he was rubbing his neck and bouncing his leg and shifting his eyes around the corridor without settling on one thing. Guilt burned deep in your veins as you saw how uncertain you’d left him feeling. You’d been similarly caged in your worry but you hadn’t known how to speak to him about it. 

“Is it okay if we go to my room?” You asked, hand brushing against George’s cheeks and he brought his eyes to yours. You felt a butterfly take flight in your stomach and you couldn’t fight the small smile it brought on your lips. “I just wanna talk, nothin’ bad,” You promised as George tried to hide his worry behind a crooked smile. 

Smiling through his discomfort was something you found George did often and you didn’t want to be the reason he did it now. Grabbing his hand and squeezing, you led him to your dorm. Both of your hands were clammy and George kept rubbing at his neck but you felt calmed by the boy’s presence. 

George shut the door behind himself as you kicked off your shoes and climbed in your bed, legs criss cross as you leaned forward and patted the space in front of you on the duvet. 

“Promise I wont bite,” You joked and George followed suit by taking his shoes off and climbing in your bed. You stretched your hands out in front of you and George set his trembling hands on top once you gave him a pointed look to do so. 

“Why’ve you been avoiding me?” He asked, no longer being able to hold it in as he looked into your bright eyes. You still looked at him like he hung the moon in the sky, so where had you been? Maybe he was going nuts... Was he really that clingy? 

“I was....scared,” You admitted and he was glad to let go of a breath he’d been holding in all day. At least he knew you had been steering clear of him and he wasn’t just so irrevocably attached to you that even ten minutes apart seemed like too long. 

“Did I do something?” 

Your heart jerked as George’s voice cracked and you had to squeeze his hands, kissing his knuckles to reassure he was perfectly fine. It seemed to help his shoulders relax from their tensed up position by his ears but he was still shifting uncomfortably. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” You started slowly, chewing the inside of your cheek as you tried to explain all that had been happening in your head since the night before. “Y-you know that you’re my first boyfriend right?” 

George nodded, eyebrows sinking to the middle of his forehead as he appraised you with more confusion. What did that have to do with anything? Maybe he wasn’t enough and you wanted to see what other fish in the sea there were... 

“Well... First boyfriend, first kiss, first everything.” You explained with red stained cheeks. George’s eyes found yours and he suddenly had a hard time breathing. Right. You hadn’t done anything before. There was nothing wrong with that, of course, but George forgot that before him, you’d only been on a three dates before. It was astounding to him no one had tried to snatch you up sooner. 

“I would never make you do anything you didn’t want,” George felt like he had to clarify, blushing to the tips of his ears as he thought of being your first anything. Of course he wanted....that with you. You were the most beautiful girl he’d ever met and the more he grew to love you, the more stunning you grew in his eyes. He wasn’t ready yet, and it seemed you weren’t either, but eventually he would like to be the one to lay you down and show you how loved you were. 

“I know that,” You smiled gently, brushing more gentle kisses over the tops of his knuckles and George couldn’t breathe. Your smile had returned to your face now, full force, and the last of his anxieties vanished. 

“It’s just that last night, I thought maybe you had wanted more than kissing and I panicked and then you were gone and I spent all night worrying that I’d made you angry or that you’d realize you don’t want someone who wants to go so slow...” 

You paused, feeling small suddenly as you prepared to let George in more than you had in your entire relationship. 

“I guess I’ve never been comfortable with intimacy of any sort, physical or emotional. It takes a lot for me to trust someone and because of that I have a hard time speaking my mind and letting others in. Y-you’re someone I trust with all of me,” 

“Y/N, you don’t have to explain if you don’t want-” 

“I do, George,” You promised, shuffling closer so your knees touched. “I want you to know all of me, at least mentally,” 

George felt his chest swell with pride. You trusted him. Giving you an encouraging nod, George quieted down in the hopes you’d continue.

“I have a hard time trusting because of my family. My parents might still be together but there’s never been two people less suited for each other. They’re always fighting, always going on about something, and it makes me skeptical of love. Or at least, I was skeptical. Dates never appealed to me and the few I went on were just proof that I didn’t trust anyone enough to have me; mind, body, or spirit. On the other hand, it’s isolated me. Everyone is dating, or it feels like everyone is, and I’ve barely just had my first kiss,” 

George brushed his lips against your cheek then and you smiled, doing the same. 

“There are days that I worry all I can do is the wrong thing, like everyone sees me and thinks I’m odd or stupid or annoying. And then that makes me feel like no one wants me around and so I stay away from people and it just makes me feel like I’ll never be happy again, I know it sounds silly-” 

“No, no,” George vetoed, hand resting against your neck, thumb brushing against your jaw as his eyes bore into you. “I understand, okay? We all have days like that I think... Like you can’t get out of bed and the weight is so heavy on your chest it’s hard to breath and like you’re never going to know what it’s like to feel okay again... I get it,” 

You were stunned into silence for a moment at George’s honesty. He was quite right that everyone must have those days, but you never thought your beautiful, silly, funny Georgie would. He seemed so immune to it all but you were honored he was letting you see otherwise. 

“And Y/N, I want whatever I can have of you and I don’t care if it seems slow to others. I’ve got your heart and it’s all I need. If eventually you want to give me more then I’ll be... well, I’ll give you all of me back,” He flushed and you giggled at the embarrassment. “All I’m saying is I like us the way we are and if you want me to keep my hands to myself then I can wait for however long you want and need,” 

You couldn’t help the burn behind your eyelids as your emotions got the better of you. You knew not every man was like George Weasley and you prayed you’d never have to be with anyone that wasn’t him. Your heart had chosen him and you realized in the quiet of your bedroom that George was it for you. You tucked the thought away, knowing it was a bit too soon to tell him such a thing, but you hoped one day you could tell him that you wanted him until the end of your days. 

“D-did I say something wrong?” George panicked watching the tears build in your eyes, his hands cupping your cheeks affectionately as he tried to comfort you. What he didn’t expect, was you to burst into giggles before throwing your arms around his neck. 

“No, silly,” You sniffled against his necks, pressing a fleeting kiss to his pulse. “You said all the right things and now I feel terribly silly for worrying all day and worrying you by disappearing,” 

George let himself smile as he pulled you tighter against him, leaning back on your bed and dragging you with him so he could tangle your legs with his and cuddle. “Consider my worries gone, darling,” He soothed and you nodded against the junction of his shoulder and neck, letting his comforting scent fill up your senses. You were giddy to realize your pillow would smell like his shampoo. 

“Missed you,” You muttered quietly, somehow fearful even after your conversation you would come off as too much by telling him such a thing. George caught your quiet words and kissed the top of your head. 

“Missed you too,” He spoke honestly as he ran his fingers through your hair. “Just promise next time you’re worrying about us, you come to me and talk about it? You can take some time to think about it if you need, just let me know where your head is alright? I don’t want to lose you over a bit of silence we could both fix,” 

Extending your pinky out from between you two, you looked at George as he linked his finger with yours in promise, a cheeky grin on his face as he lowered your hand and kissed you with a gentle caress of his lips. 

Fighting a grin, you thought you might be looking forward to all of your many firsts so long as they were with George. 

tag list: @stuckysdaughter @thehumanistsdiary @gaycatlord-stuff

[mysterystarz]

haikyuu boys as roommates (part 2) <3

ft. kageyama, suna, and tsukishima (and how they wound up as your roommate) :)

note: omg I cannot even put in words how happy I am for all the support I'm receiving (thank you endlessly!!!) notes and reblogs are always appreciated, but never an obligation! thank you again and here's your roommate :)

kageyama ended up as your roommate when the other person he was supposed to room changed their dorm assignment

you just happened to be the one who was reassigned there

needless to say, it was a wild ride of adjustment

When you first moved in, he was too antisocial to interact with you

bc you're too cute (even if it's platonically)

like he used to see you and run in the other direction (umm rude!)

so one day you got sick of it, and decided to intercept him because godammit, this is not how roommates work!

you cornered him when he entered the door and asked him why he was so avoidant

he admitted he was lowkey nervous and didn't know what to say

and there began the lovely roommate-ship you were looking for

kageyama began spending time in the morning before classes to help you out with any practical things (like arranging high shelves, or any chores)

awww sweet blueberry

he actually warmed up to you pretty quick, and he used to offer to teach you volleyball at the park in your free time

in return, you helped him with his academics while he balanced his practice, and dealt with the cooking

boy only drinks milk istg

you liked to show him any of your hobbies and he always used to look so fascinated by them

like he honestly thought you were the best at them

every friday, the two of you always sat down on the couch and picked a movie out of a hat to watch

one time you pulled out a romance movie (watch it be titanic)

at the end of that, kags was a mess (awwwwwww)

manz was trying so hard to be composed but he was internally dying

that's when you both decided to avoid angsty films

one time, kags took you along to meet hinata and yamaguchi since they were in the area and the two of you needed to go get groceries

and that's when you met the kageyama that goes "boke!" like every 3 seconds

and you were amused by this because he's so intense only to have this small of an insult arsenal

all in all the two of you grew on each other, and are the best roommates the other could have ever asked for :)

suna ended up as your roommate through some interesting circumstances to put it lightly

you see, he got sick of the twins fighting and he just left since it was repetitive

and then somehow, ended up seeing your ad you had posted for a roomie

and voila, suna rintarou is now your roommate!

needless to say, you were pretty creeped out at first

like this man shows up at the most random times

but eventually, you started to come around to him

he was surprisingly sweet when you got to know him

well as sweet as a suna can be lol

no matter what, he always makes breakfast and dinner for both of you

like rain or shine, he is always doing this

and he's actually pretty organized and has a system that works for him (not conventional but functional)

you like to make lunch, and the two of you don't really have the need to clean because things tend to be clean anyways

he usually comes off as nonchalant and uncaring, but once he opens up to you, things start rolling

he starts to show you some of his volleyball skills and shows you how to skate

he'll laugh if you fall or trip but will patch you up quick

usually your movie nights are whenever the two of you are bored

it'll just be the two of you lounging on the couch and he'd probably pick a horror or thriller movie

honestly the two of you probably watched inception a few times

if you don't get the plotline he'd explain it to you and you built a love for it off of that

sometimes you drag him around tokyo and you go and go shopping in random konbinis and get kicked out for laughing too loud

in the end, suna ended up being an amazing roommate and friend who you could gladly spend your time with :)

ohoho now tsukishima is the only roommate who was supposed to be your roommate the whole time

the two of you were assigned to a dorm room together, and there were no complications

that's a first heh

when you walk into the dorm, it's a little more spacious than you expected

tsukishima comes in five minutes later and immediately gets to work setting up

he doesn't even acknowledge you oops

the two of you most likely spent the first week just getting accustomed to the living arrangements before having any real conversation

you still haven't spoken a month later

when you come home really late one night, you find out he had been staying up wondering where you were

that's when the two of you began conversing on a daily basis

tsukishima was always organized, so his responsibility was keeping your dorm as a livable space

everything was labeled and color-coded and everything had a place

oh and if you messed up putting something back, you'd be subjected to dinosaur facts until you couldn't take it mwahaha

both of you probably swapped on cooking duties, and if neither of you felt like cooking, you just ate packeted ramen from a konbini

the two of you most likely go out of your way to spend time with each other, but once tsukki warmed up to you, you did go to try some things

one time in tokyo, he dragged you to get strawberry shortcake because he felt like it

damn, tsukki is showing emotions :)

movies were always a mix between whatever you were interested in and sci-fi movies

tsukishima would always try to pick apart the logic of the movie

and slander the actors but shade is always nice :)

so in short, tsukki was the roommate you never realized you needed and a damn great one :)

© mysterystarz, all rights reserved

[matbarzyy]

Edge of Desire

A/N: Well, writing this has been... insteresting to say the least. This is obviously just a lot of smut, if you’re not comfortable with that please just stay away from it. I drew that header the other day just because I wanted to make a quick cute thing for this fic, I kinda like it so here it is.

Word count: 6025

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kiddos), a little dominant Mat, overstimulation, overall just pure filth

Summary: Basically plotless smut

.

“You went shopping?” Mat’s head perked up from the back of the couch when he turned around to see you carrying a few bags.

He knew you almost always brought something back for him, whether it was a shirt that you figured would suit him well or a few of his favorite chocolates. It was only his second day back in New York after visiting his family for two weeks while you were stuck working and couldn’t travel, so he knew he could have expectations.

He looked a little different than the last time he was home, having taken some time to let his beard grow. You had seen the beginning of it before he left, but it was grown enough to look good now.

“Mmh,” You barely answered, walking away into your shared bedroom without another word.

At that, Mat frowned.

You normally always told him what you bought, you showed off new outfits or excitedly rambled about why you absolutely had to get this new book. He pushed himself up from the couch and trailed behind you, knocking on the open door quietly before looking down at the bags.

“Got anything nice?” He forgot about your silence the second he spotted the lingerie brand logo he knew all too well. “Can I look?” Mat reached for it, not waiting for your answer because he was used to you letting him.

“No,” You snatched the bag away from him. “Be patient,”

“But-”

“No buts. You came back late last night when I was tired after work and you were tired from travelling,” You had gone straight to sleep, both of you wanting to cuddle and do more but far too exhausted for it. “So I’m going to cook us something nice for lunch, and then maybe I’ll let you see what’s in that bag,”

“What’s the plan after lunch?” Mat had a feeling he was about to like your answer.

“You can pick whatever you want, as long as it involves no other people and absolutely no clothes,”

Mat ate so fast you almost scolded him for not trying to enjoy what you had spent time preparing a little more. You made something light, knowing you wouldn’t want a stomach full of food when you were about to have sex. You knew he appreciated the efforts, and he definitely loved the food, but he was more excited about what was to come after that. You had changed after cooking, and he was sure you were wearing some new set under the silky blue robe you had loosely tied around your waist before you sat with him.

“I’ll tidy,” Mat took both of your plates to the dishwasher and hurried to put everything away. He gave the counters a quick wipe, knowing you’d tell him off if he didn’t clean properly, and a minute later he was standing in front of you still sitting at the table. “So?” He bit his lip, bouncing on the ball of his feet.

“Someone’s eager,” You pushed your chair back and got up slowly, letting the anticipation build for a little longer.

“Someone’s had to go without touching you for way too long,”

“I know, me too,” You soothed him as you took a few steps closer, setting your hands on his chest and angling your head up for a kiss.

Despite the urgency in Mat’s words, his touches were soft. He liked building things up slowly, teasing until you pleaded and begged for what you needed most.

“Can I take that off now?” He murmured into your mouth, hands at the knot on your waist. You wore this often enough at home that he knew he’d get it undone with one pull, but he still awaited your words.

“Yes, anything you want,” You looked up at him, pupils dilated with lust while Mat took in your words. You did say earlier that he could pick the plans, but this was just the confirmation he had been waiting for to take control.

“Anything I want, eh?” He pulled to undo the knot and took two step backs to admire you. “I don’t know if I want to spend the next hour leaving kisses on every inch of your skin or if I just want to bend you over the kitchen counter and keep you there until your legs can’t hold you up anymore,”

“I can’t handle a lot of teasing,” You let the material fall off your shoulders, watching Mat’s eyes trail over your whole body as you slowly exposed more skin.

“Me neither baby,” He nearly groaned when the material fell to your feet. “Fuck this is pretty, it’s such a shame that I’m about to rip it off you,”

“Don’t rip it,” You protested softly, coming close to him again to feel his warmth. There was a time when you would have been self conscious wearing so little with him fully dressed, but you had grown comfortable around him over the years. “I wanna wear it again,”

“Oh yeah?” His hands found your hips, running over your skin in a way that made you shiver. Mat smiled, he loved watching you react to his touches.

“Mmh, under a pretty dress next time there’s some charity dinner. It’ll be a nice surprise for you at the end of a boring evening,” You could already picture it, you had been in that situation many times before. Mat was sweet, he had patience, but those events weren’t worth the effort, and you had to lift his mood at the end of several nights.

“I like that,” He nodded, leaning down and capturing your lips with his once more.

Warmth flooded through you instantly, getting you to squeeze your legs together as you pressed yourself against Mat’s body. He tightened his grip on you, keeping you there as he deepened the kiss and snuck his knee between your thighs. You whimpered into his mouth quietly at the gesture, it was one of your favourite things.

Mat knew you liked to rub against his thigh whenever you made out, it had always been a thing between you, but it still made you swoon every time he remembered to do that for you.

“Please,” You gasped when his lips travelled to your neck. You needed to catch your breath from the kiss, but Mat didn’t seem to care. He hadn’t gotten to touch you in too long, and he was about to make up for it. It was still relatively early in the afternoon but you both knew this would last until night fell. “Please,” You whimpered again, running your fingers through his hair and tugging lightly as he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot.

“Baby,” He chuckled breathlessly. “What are you begging for? I haven’t even done anything yet,”

“I’ve been thinking of this since you got back, I just really need to come, please,”

“Oh love,” He gently backed you up against the kitchen counter. “By the time I’m done with you, you’ll have ruined that pretty makeup crying because of how sensitive you are,”

“I don’t care, I want it,” You sounded a little whiny, but Mat did always like it when you were desperate for him.

“Mmh, promise you’ll take it all like a good girl? Even when it gets too much?” He traced his thumb over your lips, pulling your bottom lip down and letting it pop back in place.

“I promise Mat,” You gasped a little when his hand made you part your legs.

“Good,” He cupped your pussy and felt you rock against his hand.

You were already overheating, but Mat didn’t hesitate to push your panties to the side and slide two of his fingers inside of you. The moan that left your mouth made his breath hitch in his throat.

“Fuck I missed those moans,” His blood rushed straight south, and he pulled his fingers away with a groan. “Look at you already dripping down my fingers,”

“You feel so good,” You had no idea how he did it, but it never took more than a few touches for you to become a mess.

“C’mere,” Mat cupped the side of your neck to hold your head still as he brought his glistening fingers up to your mouth. You didn’t hesitate to suck them in, cleaning them with your tongue with your eyes still trained on Mat’s. “Gonna make you come,” He slid the hand that was on your neck down your body to your ass. “And then I’m gonna watch you suck on my cock just like that,” His fingers went deeper into your mouth, making you gag.

You didn’t get to say anything back when he removed them, satisfied with how well you were behaving, because he immediately used them to rub over your clit through the fabric of your panties. You caught onto his shoulders to stay up on your feet, biting back another embarrassing moan until two of his fingers found their way into you again.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Mat mumbled against your skin, his face hidden in your neck as he bit and sucked to leave marks on you. His fingers were doing more than enough for you, curling into your sweet spot and rubbing it over and over again, but you couldn’t help and think of how amazing his lips would feel sucking on your clit rather than your neck.

Just the thought made you clench, and you felt Mat grin against your neck.

He knew exactly what he was doing to you, you had spent countless nights exploring each other until you both learned the best ways to tease and make the other come undone. His fingers curled rhythmically as he moved them in and out of you, the heel of his hand grinding onto your clit.

It was all you’d need and he knew it, his lips on yours muffling your whimpers as he kissed you. There was a type of need in that kiss that came from the distance. Mat never liked spending time away from you, because as much as he could catch up on sex by spending the whole day making you come, he couldn’t catch up on the moments he had missed. He couldn’t catch up on hugging you tight and congratulating you when you got a promotion, he couldn’t catch up on sitting in a bath with you after a stressful day, he couldn’t catch up on making you laugh while acting like a dork in the kitchen and distracting you from cooking.

“Mat,” You whispered against his lips, nails digging into his shoulders.

“I know,” He breathed out against your mouth, giving you one more kiss before he pulled away enough to look at you. “Come on baby,” He sped his fingers up, watching you fall apart and spill all over his fingers.

It was the strongest orgasm you had since he was gone. Nothing you did to yourself could feel as good as Mat’s touch.

He worked you through it despite the way your hips moved and how hard your pussy clenched. If you hadn’t been pressed between him and the counter you would have never been able to stand, and Mat knew that. He pulled his fingers out slowly while you calmed down, falling into his arms while he gently held you to his chest.

“Better?” He asked, watching you nod eagerly. Your mind was still fuzzy from your high and you were blissfully relaxed. “Come over here,” He guided you towards the couch, letting himself fall into it with his thighs spread wide open.

You didn’t need to ask to know he wanted you on your knees.

He pulled his shirt over his head without a word, messing up his hair and somehow making him look even hotter while he let it fall next to him on the couch. You were patiently waiting, looking up at him with your hands in your lap while he shimmied out of his jeans to make it easier for you.

Your lips found his inner thighs first. You started low, close to his knee before you worked your way up the strong muscles and left some purple ovals there to remind him of this for the next few days. Mat leaned back into the couch with a satisfied hum, his head hanging low to watch you.

His cock was very obviously straining against the fabric of his boxers, and you didn’t make him wait much longer before cupping him with your hand, using the other one to caress over his thigh. Mat grunted quietly, licking his lips when you looked up at him and giving you an encouraging little nod.

You obeyed wordlessly, bringing your lips to kiss him over his boxers, working your way up to his waistband. There, you hooked your fingers into it and moved back to pull the material down his legs. His cock stood proudly, waiting for your attention, and Mat slid a cushion to the floor before you could kneel back in between his legs.

“Thanks,” You whispered, lips attached to his inner thigh on a spot you knew was sensitive while your hand gently began to stroke his cock.

A loud exhale fell from his lips, and you followed up with a lick of the underside of his cock from his base to his tip. Mat’s thighs clenched at that, filling you with pride. He affected you easily, but so did you.

Your tongue swirled around his tip, tasting the precum that was leaking from him before you sucked with a hum. Your saliva was slowly making him wetter, allowing you to take more and more of him into your mouth to hear the beautiful moans he could never contain when you went down on him.

You felt a little bold, so you tried to go further to feel him hit the back of your throat, but it only made you gag. You had to pull off for a second, coughing a little before you went right back to his cock.

“Take it easy,” Mat pulled your hair back so that it wouldn’t fall in your face, and he used his gentle grip to guide you. “Just like that baby,” He moaned when you focused on sucking on the head of his cock, moving your tongue around him before bobbing your head and slowly sinking down further.

Praises fell from his lips continuously, accompanied by little moans that increased when you brought your hand to tease his balls and followed by sucking on them too. You could tell he was getting close, you were always good at getting him to the edge fast when you sucked him.

His eyes never left you, they were on your every time you looked up at him, darkened by desire. You were so beautiful like that, always so eager to please, and the enthusiasm you put into you made things ten times better for Mat. He loved hearing how much you liked it, hearing you beg for it, feeling how wet you could get just from sucking him.

“Fuck baby, stop,” He forced himself to groan. He was dangerously close, and he could have finished right there in your mouth, but he wanted your pussy more than that.

The way his hand pulled on your hair turned you on, he was never harsh with it but he always used it to guide you. It reminded you of the night you spent together before he left, your ass up in the air with your chest pressed into the mattress while Mat held your hair to make you arch your back.

You went back to kissing his inner thighs after one last suck, obeying him and waiting to see what he wanted you to do next. Mat spaced out for a second, trying to regain control of himself but getting distracted by how good your mouth felt on him.

“Maty?” You asked quietly, looking up at him and awaiting his instructions. You would gladly take him back into your mouth if that was what he wanted, you just needed his permission to do so.

“C’mere,” He patted his lap and motioned you up, his back resting against the couch while you settled yourself over his thighs. “That’s a very pretty set you got baby, but it’s kind of getting in the way now,” Mat’s hands travelled up your ribs until his thumbs could brush over your nipples through the lace. “I think it’s about time it comes off,” He watched your nod and shook his head lightly. “I want words,”

“Yes,” You replied, reaching behind your back to unhook your bra and let it fall somewhere by the couch.

“God you’re beautiful,” Mat sighed as he took in the sight of your chest, lightly pinching your nipples and rolling them to hear you gasp. You often felt self conscious around him, you never got to work out as much as he did, but his almost constant compliments boosted your confidence.

He was never short of kind words and praises for you, and you returned them as often as you could, whether it was through touches, looks or words. His lips soon followed his fingers, attaching themselves to your chest and littering it with pretty red marks he was sure to spend time admiring for the next few days.

His teeth bit and tugged gently, never stopping until a little whimper had fallen from your lips because of the bit of pain that came with the pinching. You weren’t always in the mood for it, but if the way you rolled your hips against him was any indication, Mat would say today was one of the days he could bite a little harder.

Your panties were completely ruined from the way you were dripping, still wearing them even though they were in the way of everything you wanted to do with Mat.

“These need to fucking go,” He practically growled when he felt the material against his cock. He was done playing, he needed to get rid of anything that was between your bodies.

“Mathew don’t-” You barely had a chance to say anything before his hands were at your sides, grabbing onto the delicate lace and ripping it apart.

You pouted as it fell to the floor, but the hunger in Mat’s eyes was too strong for him to care. He could buy you a new set later to make up for it.

“Come on baby,” He cupped your ass and pulled you onto him, getting your pussy to rub hard against his cock. Your eyes rolled back at the perfect friction you felt on your clit, but you didn’t get a chance to feel it again before Mat lifted you and placed the head of his cock as your entrance.

You sat down on him slightly, feeling him stretch your walls a little while his hands caressed the sides of your thighs and waist.

“You’re so big,” You winced as you moved down, holding him tighter and turning your head to hide it into his neck. No matter how many times you were with him, it always took you a minute to adjust to his size. Mat wasn’t small by any means.

“Come on baby,” He gave your ass a gentle squeeze in response. “You’re almost there,”

“Mmh,” You hummed your assent, slowly sinking down on him further until you were so full of him tears brimmed in your eyes.

“Fuck yes,” He moaned, feeling your ass meet his thighs. “You’re doing so good baby,”

His hands guided you to move slowly, making you roll your hips rather than lift yourself so that he could stay all the way inside of you for a little bit longer. The clenches of your pussy around him made his moans mix with yours, deep sounds that went straight to your core and made you drip over him.

Your bodies were closer than ever, Mat’s chest pressed against yours and your head in his neck while you clutched his back and lifted yourself to give him what you knew he was patiently waiting for. Your nails digged into his back, dragging over his skin and leaving scratches he’d tease you for but secretly loved. He liked leaving hickeys to mark you as his, and he enjoyed being marked as yours just as much.

The whole team knew how well he could fuck you just from the marks they saw on his body when they showered after practice, which earned you a few misplaced winks from Tito whenever he said “easy tiger” as a joke.

“I don’t know how long I can hold on,” You whimpered, lifting your head as well as you could to look into his eyes. Your hips followed a steady rhythm, lifting yourself off his cock and sinking back down fully every time to feel all of him.

It felt so overwhelmingly good that tears began to slowly roll down your cheeks, small whines escaping you every time he pressed against your sweet spot.

“Look at you,” Mat cupped your face, leaning forward to kiss the tears off your cheeks. “Such a good girl fucking yourself on my cock like that,”

“It’s so good Mat, I missed it so much,” You got wordier than usual. He was always the one with the dirty mouth, whispering sinful things to you as a joke at first until he realised how much it turned you on. He had kept on doing it ever since, using it to make you react or to hear you give him the go ahead with anything he might want to try.

“Yeah? Tell me exactly what you missed.” He mouthed at your jaw for a second, giving it a little nip that made your whole body tighten in surprise.

“I missed your cock,” You gasped while he nodded, encouraging you to keep on talking. “Missed you filling me with your cum,” You fell forward against him, nuzzling your face into his neck and pressing your chest to his to feel closer again. Mat’s reaction to your words was loud, and he followed his moan with a newfound grip on your hips to guide you to keep bouncing your ass. You knew you’d have bruises in the shape of his fingers in a few hours.

“Faster,” He ordered you, panting and pulling your hips down hard to accompany his statement.

“I’m so close,” You choked out, barely holding on. The slow start had already gotten you close to the edge, and speeding up had your body trembling with anticipation of a release.

“Don’t stop,” His moan almost made you come right there and his abs clenched while his thighs trembled as he approached his high too. He didn’t want you to come first, he needed a release he could ride out without worrying about making you overly sensitive. He had long plans for the night, but there was only so much your body could handle.

You struggled to keep up with the rhythm he set, whimpering your way through every thrust while Mat grunted into your ear and began lifting his hips to meet your movements. You fell apart right there, unable to stop it any longer, and he followed right after you. He whimpered quietly as he filled you, feeling you squeeze around his throbbing cock rhythmically.

“That’s my good girl,” He breathed out the words he knew you always craved to hear. You’d do just about anything for him to tell you that.

Mat smoothed your hair back, the tenderness coating his movements contrasting with the way he was treating you a second ago. You’d both need time to come down, and he never wanted you to get away from him.

You remained close for several minutes, neither of you wanting to accept you’d have to get up at some point. This was the closest you had been able to get in weeks, you weren’t ready for it to be over yet. You had missed everything about him, but a lot of it was simply his presence.

You had missed getting to hug him every day, his smell on the bed sheets, the lingering scent of his body wash in the bathroom after he showered, the sound of his humming when he made you coffee in the morning, the warmth of his skin when he was cuddled up against you. You could still talk when he was away, but nothing could make up for that.

“Can you move baby?” Mat eventually whispered, hands trailing up and down your spine. He wasn’t too comfortable, and if he was only going to hold you he’d rather just do that in bed.

“Mmh,” You got up on wobbly legs, feeling your wetness and Mat’s cum drip down your thighs.

He noticed too and reached forward to catch it with his fingers before bringing it straight back to your pussy. He cupped you with his whole palm, a strangled noise coming from you while he rubbed against your slick folds gently, mixing your fluids and watching you struggle to keep standing.

“I can’t stand,” You leaned to rest your hands on his shoulders, your chest so close to his face that he couldn’t resist. He sucked one of your hard nipples into his mouth and grazed it with his teeth, chuckling when your knees buckled and you almost fell over him.

“Bedroom, now,” He decided as he pulled away, dropping his hand and carelessly wiping it on his thigh as he got up. You were about to make a mess on the bed anyway, he’d worry about it later.

You fell back on the bed and adjusted a pillow behind your head, smiling without bothering to hide yourself. Mat fell in love all over again at the sight, he didn’t get to admire you much at the start of your relationship, you were too self conscious, but after all the time you had spent together you were now comfortable around him. You still had your insecurities but you never felt the need to hide.

He crawled on top of you slowly, resting enough of his weight on top of you to pin you down while making sure he wouldn’t crush you. Your legs were parted to accommodate him so that you were both settled comfortably with smiles on your faces.

“I love you,” You rubbed your thumb over the back of his neck, craving more affection.

“I love you too,” Mat kissed the tip of your nose. “So much,” He knew you liked him handling you roughly from time to time, but you needed love and reassurance.

You had talked and set limits about what was safe to try a long time ago when you started getting a little kinky together, but it hadn’t been enough. You spent too much time thinking of the physical aspect of things and forgot about the emotional side. Everything Mat did had been discussed, it was all supposed to be okay, but you quickly found out you weren’t into it by how fast you blurted out your safeword one night. You liked him being dominant, yes, but you didn’t like feeling used.

Mat was too freaked out to try again for a while, he had done no harm but he was scared he would, so he put a stop to it for some months.

It took more talks and fine tuning to get back into playing like that. All you needed was his reassurance, so you both switched things up to a dynamic that had to do with praise and made sure to take time in between rough moments for softer ones.

Mat was always careful, he knew he’d be pushing your limits tonight and he needed to make sure he could do that safely. Giving you kisses and repeating how much he loved you was his way of making sure you’d feel safe and relaxed.

You knew he’d never hurt you, and that he’d never let you feel self conscious about a single thing.

Your hand moved from the back of his neck to his face while you observed him, committing this image to your memory. He looked different than when he left. He was just as pretty, but the beard changed his face and you had been waiting so see what it’d be like in person.

“You like the beard baby?” He smiled softly, watching the way your eyes took him in.

“It feels different,” You let your knuckles run over his cheek, feeling how rough it was from the usual soft shaven skin or light stubble.

“Good or bad different?”

“Good, but I don’t know if it’s better than usual. You look beautiful either way,” You were getting lost in his eyes, your body blissfully relaxed against the mattress now that he had helped you calm down.

“How about,” Mat paused for a second to place a kiss on your palm. “You let me know how it feels against your thighs and pussy, mmh?” Your eyes widened at his words, and he watched the way your lips parted slightly. “You want that baby?”

His eyes looked so innocent, so soft and gentle, and it only made his words more powerful. You were already about to explode just from the way he talked, you’d last absolutely no time with his mouth on you.

“Yes,” You managed to whisper loud enough that it reached his ears, and Mat wasted no time.

His lips fell to your neck to add marks to the collection that was already blooming on your skin. He was all too aware of the kind of moans he was sometimes about to pull out of you just from that, and he wanted to hear them. Your fingers found purchase in his hair, threading through the strands and gently guiding his head down to your collarbone to get him towards the place you actually needed him.

Mat caught on easily, smiling against your skin and spending a little less time on your chest than he normally would to focus on trailing down to your inner thighs instead. He could spend hours kissing, licking and nipping at your sides until you writhed underneath him, but it would only make you too impatient.

The sight of his head between your legs was enough teasing for you already. No matter how much you enjoyed the shivers that ran down your spine when Mat kissed the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, nothing beat the actual waves of pleasure that crashed over your body when he sucked on your clit, and you were desperate for him to do just that.

His mouth hovered over your pussy for a second, letting you feel the warmth of his breath while he looked up at you. You were staring at the ceiling, chest rising and falling fast in anticipation. Mat almost moaned knowing he was the one who put you in that state. Instead, he pressed a kiss to your folds and let his tongue come out to lap at your wetness.

He hummed against you and made you shiver before moving your legs to let you rest your heels against his back. Your knees remained spread wide open, letting him access any part of you he wanted. Mat was a little busy to actually see you, but all he could think as he smothered his face in you was that you were the most beautiful woman in the world.

“Let me hear you baby,” He lifted his head and rested his palm flat on your stomach in anticipation of having to keep you down. “Don’t hold back, I wanna know how good it feels,”

You looked down to meet his eyes when you saw he wasn’t doing anything, and he gave you a soft smile that had nothing to do on his face in a position like this one. His lips parted around your clit, his tongue gently teasing it while he kept the eye contact going. He gave you a tentative suck, earning a quiet moan from you that filled him with satisfaction.

“Good girl,” He mumbled into your pussy before his eyes fell shut and he truly dove in.

Your head fell back and you were thrashing in his arms a second later, unable to keep your hips still and fisting the bed sheets tightly in your hands in hope of anchoring yourself. He was alternating broad licks and sucks with tiny kitten licks that made you squirm, but you only really lost it when he pushed two fingers inside of you.

The wet noises that were coming from his mouth and your pussy were sinful, as were your moans that spurred him on to devour you until you couldn’t think anymore. Mat was eating you out like it was the last time and his fingers curling against your sweet spot had your muscles quivering with pleasure.

“You like that baby?” He barely came up for air, face glistening with your wetness, but you couldn’t even think of letting him have a break.

“Don’t stop,” You whined, a hand flying to his hair and pushing him back down. He made a startled noise but didn’t object, diving right back in with his tongue out to lick over the most sensitive parts of you. “I’m so close, you’re doing so good just please, please don’t stop,”

Your back arched off the bed as he picked up the speed with his fingers, eagerly sucking and flattening his tongue over your clit the way he knew drove you absolutely mad. Mat loved pleasing you, and if you weren’t currently pushing his face down he’d lift it to tell you how much he wanted you to come on his fingers and tongue. You were seconds away from it either way, he could tell from how hard he had to hold you to force you to keep your legs open.

His one arm could only do so much when his other fingers were buried deep inside of your pussy, and you tried your best not to tighten your legs around his head too much when your orgasm hit you. It made your whole body go tight, your walls squeezing so hard around his fingers that he struggled to keep moving them to ride you through it. He moaned in unison with you, proud of himself when he felt the way your body reacted to him.

His tongue moved on you slowly when you began to whimper, breathing slower and letting your legs fall down on the mattress. He tried to avoid your clit, only lapping up your wetness to clean you up although he couldn’t resist teasing it a little just to hear the cute overstimulated noises you were making.

You came down with a blissed out smile on your face, threading your fingers through Mat’s hair and massaging his scalp with the little strength you had left.

“Satisfied?” He rested his head on your thigh, looking up at you with a smirk.

“Mmh,” Your mind was too foggy for you to form many words. “Almost,”

“Almost?” He couldn’t believe it, thinking you would have at least needed a break before you asked for another round.

“Can’t be satisfied until you are,” You nodded, referring to the way he had subconsciously been rutting his hips against the mattress while eating you out to get something out of it.

Mat bit hip lip, wondering how much more you’d be able to handle. You would have said it if you needed some time, but you sounded like you were already waiting for him to fuck you again. He had plans for it, positions he wanted you into because he knew it made him hit you at the perfect angle, but he needed you to be able to hold yourself up.

So, instead of giving in to what you both craved, he got up from the bed and went to retrieve two water bottles from the fridge. It would give you just enough of a break to get ready for what he had left in store.

You both knew the day was still far from over.

.

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[diegos-butt]

Electricity Chapter 1

Summary: For the first time in her life, Melody Williams is moving out of her hometown to Minnesota where she got a job as a crime journalist for the Minnesota Daily. But this city does not only have a new job for her to offer. What will happen when she crosses paths with detective Walter Marshall? Heads up, a little electricity is involved ✨

Walter Marshall x Melody Williams (curvy OFC)

Warnings: none

Wordcount: 2.5k

A/N: So, I wrote something for the first time 👀 Pls be kind haha. This is written with a plus size/curvy OFC in mind because all my curvy babes, like me, deserve some love 😘 

“Thanks for calling me. I will call you back with my decision soon.” I hung up the phone and stared at it in my hand. A woman from the newspaper in the city a few towns over had just called, telling me they were offering me a job at their crime department. I sat at my desk at my current job, a local journalist for my hometown newspaper. I started working there during college and they offered a job after I finished. I happily accepted, because that meant I could move out of my lovely parents’ house and start my own life.

As I sat at my desk I realized I had never really left this town, and I had always fantasized what it would be like to live and work in a different town. I loved my hometown, don’t get me wrong, but it is small and everyone knows each other. Every day is basically the same here. Miss Johnson walks her dog at exact 3pm, the Millers go to the supermarket at 4pm to buy dinner and the whole town eats at Al’s diner every Sunday.

Also, the men in this town aren’t something to write home about. The decent men are taken by the perfect housewives and the ones who are left, are the type of guys who you don’t want to meet in a dark alley. And unfortunately, no nice men have decided to move here in the last couple of years. The only guy I dated (we were only together for a couple of months) decided I wasn’t good enough and eloped with a pretty, skinny blonde bitch.

While the town doesn’t seem to change, neither does my job. I have been covering the local news for a couple of years now, and it feels like I have been doing the same thing over and over again. Nothing really happens here, and honestly it makes me feel stuck at my job. I feel like my job and this place aren’t helping me to move further. I want to learn more and see something else than this town.

Still staring at the phone in my hand realization washed over me. This was my way out. This phone call could change everything. Not thinking twice, I called the woman (I had forgotten her name, Stacy apparently) back telling her I was accepting their offer. This was my chance of starting something new.

In the weeks after the call, I quit my job and started looking for a new place. Luckily, I found a cosy, affordable apartment. Not too big, not too small. Perfect for me and only me. Not wanting to wait, I moved in quickly with the help of my parents and made the place feel a little like home.

It was a cute apartment with one bedroom and a tiny kitchen. I had everything I needed. A comfy couch, my kettle, my books, a tv for my binge-watching nights and lots of cosy blankets and throw pillows.

After moving in and settling down, I finally had a chance to decorate the place with a lot of fairy lights and plants. I stood in the middle of the living area, wiping some sweat of my face after moving around some heavy plants. Yeah, this is starting to look like home. I thought as I looked around the living area, satisfied with the work I did.

I sat down on my couch and looked at the clock on the wall. It was 8pm. I was tired and hadn’t eaten yet. Tomorrow was my first day at the Minnesota Daily and I couldn’t wait. I was a little nervous, but because I was so tired, I didn’t have the energy to be too nervous or to make dinner.

I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich and go to bed early. Tomorrow was the first day of a new start and I needed to look good. Might need a full 12 hours of sleep if I want to look a little decent, I thought to myself as I stared into the mirror and noticed my messy hair and the bags under my eyes.

After I ate my ‘dinner’ (I decided two grilled cheese sandwiches counted as dinner), I went to my bedroom and picked an outfit for tomorrow. A simple jeans and a baby blue blouse would do it. Afterwards I brushed my teeth and removed my make up. I put on my pyjamas and fell asleep as soon as my head hit my pillow.

After parking my car in the parking garage underneath the building the Minnesota Daily is located, I checked my make up one last time in the rear-view mirror. No uneven eyebrows and no smudges of mascara. Let’s go make a good first impression.

I stepped out of the car and grabbed my purse. I walked out of the parking garage and made my way to the front desk where I was greeted by a friendly older looking receptionist.

“Hi, I’m Melody! It is my first day here and I was told to ask for Stacy,” I said.

“Welcome dear! I’ll let Stacy know you’re here! She’ll be here in a sec,” she said with a smile. I nodded and looked around. People were walking in and out of the building, most of them talking on the phone. They all looked like they were in a rush.

Stacy appeared within a minute. She was taller than me, and I’m not exactly tiny, and her long brown hair was tied up in a bun. She walked towards me with her hand reached out and I quickly took it.

“Hi, you must be Melody! I’m Stacy, but everyone calls me Stace. Come, follow me, I’ll show you where we will be working!” she said while we walked to the elevator. While the elevator brought us to the 8th floor, she asked me how my new apartment was and if I liked the city. Before I knew it, the elevator reached the 8th floor.

“Everyone, pay attention! This is Melody and she will be joining our department as you all know,” Stacy practically yelled the second we left the elevator. I already saw some friendly faces looking at me. “Hi, I am Melody, but please call me Mel,” I said while Stacy walked over to a desk and started to introduce me to my new co-workers.

After I met everyone from the crime department, I made my way towards my new desk. Everyone seemed friendly and there was a relaxed atmosphere. Which was a little surprising to me considering this was the crime department. I looked around and thought: yeah, I made the right call to accept this offer.

Yet, I had no idea what this town had to offer me. Or better said, who.

In the first week I worked there I became friends with some of my co-workers. Carmen Garcia practically forced me to go to lunch with her and Gia Park on my first day. They had both been working at the Minnesota Daily for a couple of years now and they were one of the few women in the department. So, they were glad I was recruited to give them another ally in the office.

While we had lunch, they informed me about everything I needed to know. “You seriously need to stay away from creepy Greg, he works for the finance section. Make sure you never go down there alone. He always looks at women like he wants to drag them into an empty alley,” Gia said while pretending to throw up.

“Oh, he is the worst! But Megan, the receptionist, is the best ever. She is so sweet and kind. If you ever need anything, just ask her and she will help you,” Carmen added.

“Definitely! And if you ever need free tickets for a sports game, just let me know and we will visit the guys from the sport section,” Gia told me with a wink.

“I will keep all of this in mind,” I said while taking a sip from my cappuccino. “but tell me something about yourselves!”

Next thing I knew Carmen and Gia told me where they grew up, where they went to school and how they ended up working for the Minnesota Daily. I noticed how easy it was to talk to these girls and we had a good laugh while they told me about their most recent dating disasters. I nearly spilled my cappuccino not once or twice, but thrice while Carmen told me about how she escaped from one of her dates through the bathroom window.

During my first week I spend a lot of time with them. I helped them finish their articles and I got to know them pretty well. Carmen is tough, but sweet and straightforward, while Gia is soft and has a very short span of attention while working. She has visited my desk every half hour just to “catch up”. But I didn’t complain. It was nice to have them as my co-workers, although they began to feel more like friends.

It felt like my life fell into place again. I was making new friends, and I did a pretty good job so far.  Still, sometimes I forgot to do basis tasks like getting groceries. So now I was parking my car in the parking lot of the grocery store.

As soon as I stepped out, I felt the cold chilly air around me, making me pull my leather jacket closer around my body. Hastily I stepped through the doors of the store just a few minutes before they would close. Quickly I grabbed a basket, knowing I should grab a cart, and started to walk through the aisles.

It was quiet inside, just a few people were doing some last-minute shopping like me. I waved hello to the woman at the cash register as I made my way to the first aisle.

So just the basics, some bread, apples, veggies, chocolate. Hmm maybe no chocolate. Okay yes, some chocolate. I deserve it today. What else, milk and cereal obviously. Girl gotta eat some breakfast. I thought as I threw some products in my already way too full basket and made my way to the cereal aisle. I walked passed the apples and picked some up, holding them in my hands.

Walking through the aisle I stopped in front of the many boxes of cereal. Above me I noticed a flickering lightbulb, reminding me I still needed to watch the last episode of Stranger Things. Maybe I should watch it tonight.

Staring at all the different kinds of cereal, I couldn’t decide which one I wanted. After a minute of just staring at the boxes lost in my own world, I grabbed one.

Except, I suddenly wasn’t the only one. Quickly I turned around and bumped into a warm, broad chest which made me drop the apples I was carrying. “Oh shit,” I whispered before I looked up into the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen and stared at the man. He had a beard and dark, brown curls. One of the curls dangled in front of his eyes and I had to fight the urge to not wipe it out of his face.

“It didn’t look like you were going to make a decision soon, so I just grabbed the one I wanted,” he said while crouching down to pick up the fallen apples.

“Oh no, no it’s fine,” I stammered, completely overwhelmed by him. “I guess I was zoned out there for a moment.”

While he was picking up the apples, I decided to take a quick look at him. He was a tall, big man wearing a dark blue sweater. Damn it, he is gorgeous. Don’t mind bumping into him more often.. no don’t go there, pull yourself together! I thought as I felt my cheeks burning all of a sudden. I couldn’t even remember the last time I talked to a man this handsome. Get it together Mel.

As he stood up and handed me the apples, I noticed how tired he looked. There were dark circles underneath his eyes, making me wonder when it was the last time he had a decent amount of sleep. Or if he ever had a decent night of sleep.

“Thank you for picking these up,” I said while holding up the apples, making them almost fall again. His reflexes were fast as he grabbed my elbow, helping me keep the apples balanced. The warmth of his hand made my legs suddenly feel a little weak.

“No problem,” he chuckled tiredly making me smile a little. “Maybe you should have gotten a cart instead of a basket, might be easier,” he said while still holding onto my elbow. He pointed with his other hand to my basket that was way too full.  

“You are probably right, but my stubborn ass thought I could carry it all, so here we are,” I answered with a timed laugh, feeling a little embarrassed. He looked at me with those blue eyes and I noticed he had a “don’t mess with me” vibe, that somehow made me feel safe.

As I looked at his hand on my elbow, I suddenly became aware of how close he was. I could smell his musky cologne. He noticed I looked at his hand, and he abruptly let go of me while taking a step back. I immediately missed the warmth of his hand.

“I, uh, I need to go. Take care and don’t drop those again,” he told me with a small smile pointing at the apples in my hands. He grabbed his own basket and started to walk away. As he walked away, I took a good look of him. He was a very muscular man, and I took a mental picture of his ass because that was a sight I did not want to forget. I must tell Carmen and Gia about this.

“I can’t promise that, but I will try my hardest,” I laughed, knowing I would probably drop them again soon. “See you around?” I asked him. Surprised by my own boldness I nearly sank through the floor out of embarrassment.

He looked back at me with those beautiful blue eyes and I felt a spark of electricity going through my spine. “I hope so,” he said with a smirk before he shook his head and turned the corner leaving me speechless in the cereal aisle.

I stood there for another minute while coming back to my senses. My cheeks stopped burning and I realized I had not embarrassed myself that much. I smiled to myself and pictured the smirk he gave me in my head. Then the announcement that the store was about to close in a few minutes blared through the speakers, reminding me I still had to collect some groceries.

Quickly I grabbed the rest of the groceries and headed towards the cash register hoping to see him one more time. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found.

I paid for the groceries and walked to my car. Loading the groceries in the trunk I nearly dropped the apples again. Told you, I thought while closing the trunk. It was getting dark and colder outside so I wasted no more time and drove home.

While driving home I realized the mistake I made.

Damn, I should’ve asked his name.

•••

> Chapter two

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[acreativeme]

Family Comes First

Family Comes First OA x Reader

Y/N rushed around the kitchen, trying to pack her kids lunch as they ate breakfast. She looked over at the stove clock, noticing that it was almost time for her husband to leave for work. She prayed that he would be down in time to see their kids off to school. “Momma, can I get some pretzels for lunch?” Aria, their daughter, asked, shoving a spoonful of cereal in her mouth. Y/N grinned at her daughter. “There is already a pack in both your lunchbox and backpack.” She pressed a kiss to her daughter’s crazy curls. “Will dad be here to see us off?” Their son,Odion, asked, shoving a strawberry from his fruit salad in his mouth. Y/N went to reply but was cut off by the sound of their front opening and closing. She frowned, watching OA get into his SUV and pull out of the driveway. “I don’t think so, Oddi.” After they finished getting ready for the day in silence, Y/N had opted to take them to school instead of having them take the bus. She noticed the sadness on the kids face, which sparked anger in her heart. Aria and Odion pressed a kiss to her cheek as they hopped out of the car. “Love you, Momma!” they called as they headed towards their friends. “Have a good day!” she replied as the door shut.

She stepped out of the elevator onto her husband’s floor. She had to take a deep breath as she stepped into the bullpen, where it seemed they were working on a case. Jubial was the first to notice her, but reframed from saying anything so as to not interrupt whatever Tech was talking. Maggie was the next to notice her and didn’t hold back her surprise. “Y/N? What are you doing here? Are the kids alright?” Maggie asked, alerting OA to his wife’s presence. He turned and frowned. “What are you doing here?” “Can I talk with you alone, Omar?” Y/N asked, not breaking eye contact with him. Maggie raised her eyebrows at Y/N’s use of OA’s full first name. “Everything okay?” She asked him. He shrugged, whispering to her. “I don’t know.” He led Y/N off towards an empty conference room. “What do you need, Y/N? I am in the middle of a case.” Y/N sighed, trying to remain calm. “You didn’t say goodbye this morning.” He rolled his eyes. “You know that there is a possibility that I would get called out to a case at any moment and can’t always say goodbye.” “Yes, I know that! But do you want to know who doesn’t know that?!” Her tone was tense, her calm resolve cracking at his lame excuse. “Who?” He asked, irritation evident in his voice. “Our kids! Remember them? Their names are Aria and Odion, if you have forgotten.” She hissed, face turning red as she spoke. He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “I know our children’s names, Y/N. I am their father.” Y/N threw her hands up, “well, you aren’t acting like it! When was the last time that you had a conversation with our children? Was it before or after Aria took up painting or Odion joined the soccer team? Because they sure can’t remember when you saw them off to school last.” “Painting? Soccer? When did this happen?” He asked, slumping against the wall. “4 months ago.” She whispered, looking down at her ring. “Omar, I think that we should take a break.” He looked up at her, shock on his face. “What are you talking about, a break, we are married?” She slipped the ring off her finger. “You need to find somewhere else to stay for a while. You can come over today while we are out for your things.” He started to hyperventilate, panic filled his chest. “You can’t be serious, Y/N. That is our home, you can’t just kick me out.” She dropped the ring on the table, turning to leave. “It hasn’t been our home for a long time, Omar.”

After she left, Y/N sat in her car for twenty minutes and cried. It broke her heart to say those things to him, but the look on her children’s faces broke it even more. She was tired of seeing them get let down time and time again by him and his broken promises. When she was finished crying, she cleaned herself up and went to the store to buy snacks for after soccer practice. Afterwards, she headed into work for a few hours-- wanting to get her mind off what happened that morning. During this time, she ignored the numerous calls and text messages from both OA and Maggie. She didn’t have time or energy to worry about them as she needed to focus on caring for her children and getting work done. Around 2:30PM, Y/N left work to make her way towards her children’s school-- making sure that she had an afternoon snack for all of them. They had immediately started ranting about what had happened at school that day, which made her smile as it seemed like the events of this morning were long forgotten. They had arrived at the soccer field about an hour before the start of Odion’s practice, so she had them get a head start on their homework as she started editing a new manuscript. She would pause her work to help, whenever one of them had a question or needed help. When they got home from practice, Y/N had sent them up to clean up and finish their homework while she worked on dinner. Neither child asked about their father, noticing that his absence was hurting their mother. Despite her pain, she kept up a brave face as she went through their usual nightly routine. She tucked them into bed and gave them both goodnight kisses, before running herself a hot bath.

...Three Months Later…

Y/N had been throwing up for a couple of weeks, which has only happened one other time and it was when she was pregnant with the twins. She had to wait until after the kids had gotten on the bus, before she could test her theory. There was a part of her hoped that it wasn’t true, but that hope was dashed when the plus sign popped up. She was quick to schedule an appointment with her doctor to get a more official result, silently hoping for a false positive. Four days later, she was sitting in a cafe-- waiting for the only person she could count on to show. She had been ordered for them both, one black coffee with sugar and one peppermint tea. She was picking at a chocolate chip muffin, wanting to both shove it all in her mouth and throw it up from nerves at the same time. “Hey, Y/N. How are you doing?” Maggie asked, taking the empty seat in front of Y/N. Y/N jumped, surprised by her sudden appearance. “Maggie, you scared me.” Maggie raised her eyebrows, not used to Y/N being jumpy. “What’s going on? Are you and the kids alright?” “Yes, we are fine. I just got some life changing news today and I had to share it with someone that I could trust.” Y/N admitted, breaking eye contact with Maggie. Maggie reached across the table to hold her hand. “What’s going on?” Y/N took a deep breath. “I am pregnant… and it is OA’s. My doctor said that I am around 20 weeks along.” A tear ran down her cheek as she admitted to both herself and Maggie what she had been trying to deny. Maggie squeezed her hand, wanting to comfort her friend. “Are you planning on keeping it?” Y/N gasped at her question, releasing her hand. “Of course! Just because me and OA are separated doesn’t mean that I don’t love who we created.” She caressed her slightly swollen stomach. Maggie nodded, happy to know that she was not going to get rid of the baby. “How are you planning to tell OA?” Y/N closed her eyes, trying to control her anxiety and tears. “I don’t know..”

...Two Days Later… The sound of pounding on the front door at 2:30AM, woke Y/N from a dead sleep. She wrapped herself in OA’s abandoned rob, having kept it after he moved out. She grabbed the gun he had bought her after she got her license to carry, which he had her get after they found out they were pregnant with the twins. She had it resting at her side, with her finger off the trigger of course, as she looked through the peephole. Standing there in the pouring rain, was OA. She could tell that something was wrong as he looked like he had been crying. She stepped aside, wanting to get him out of the rain as soon as possible. “What are you doing here, OA?” Y/N asked, moving to grab a towel from their downstairs bathroom. He thanked her as he took it from her. “Maggie told me.” Y/N froze, halfway turned around to head towards the kitchen. “She told you what?” “She told me that you were pregnant.. With my baby.” He replied, sounding surprised with the last part of his statement. She glared at him. “Did you think that it was someone else’s?” She crossed her arms, waiting for his response. “N-no. I am more surprised that you didn’t tell me.” He stuttered. She sighed. “I didn’t know how to tell you, as it was a surprise to me as much as it was to you.” Y/N sat on the arm of the couch. “I wanted to think about how I was going to tell you, as you haven’t really been a big part of our other children’s lives.” He looked down in shame. “I know, and I have been thinking about that. I want to be a better father, and husband as I seem to have been lacking in both departments recently.” She took a step towards him. “Do you promise?” She looked up at him with big eyes. He cautiously wrapped his arms around her. “I promise. Family comes first, no matter what.” She smiled, meeting in the middle to share a kiss. “Okay.”