#(hello; nice to meet you. i hope your personal situation has improved & you're doing all right.)

[code01746]

@rubctosis ❤️'d for a thing.

　　　　❝ look. i’m sorry about the… hospital, thing...❞

　deja vu. rosinante had to have opened conversations with this exact line before. more than once or twice. more than he wanted to think about. his body language always ended up being the same, too; heavy sighing, scrunched mouth, and eyes averted whether or not law was too upset to look in his direction.

he never felt guilty about what he did to the doctorsーoh, absolutely not. fuck those guys. they're doctors; if there was anybody qualified to treat a couple bloody noses or some first-degree burns, it was doctors. plus, they were already in the perfect place to have their injuries treated, too, so the spy wasn't going to lose sleep over it. they'd be fine. but, although he hesitated to admit it aloud out of fear of bonding with the little shit and therefore making it that much harder to convince him to leave the family behind altogether, he did feel bad for subjecting law to it.

the visits clearly stressed him outーwhich wasn't ideal for anyone, but especially not him. normal, healthy people got sick all the time from high stress, so he couldn't imagine its effects on a terminally ill kid whose body was slowly but surely falling apart. thus, all rosinante could do was slip into this same routine over and over again: sheepish apologies & half-assed bribes.

　❝ what can i do make it up to you? you want... grilled fish for dinner? you wanna sleep in a cushy bed at an inn tonight rather than camping outside? ❞

[mental-health-advice]

Hey. I really hope you can help me. I’m currently an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital. I am mentally stable now and am awaiting discharge planning meeting. There’s a healthcare assistant who has really helped me over the last 4 months and we have gotten really close. When we’re alone we kinda flirt and also we have a lot of innuendoes. I don’t know if I’m getting vibes off him or if I’m just hoping I’m getting vibes off him. I really like him, like I’ve never liked anybody inside or outside of hospital. He’s married and obviously he’s a professional so I doubt anything could ever happen but I can’t stop thinking and dreaming about him. I want to gently approach him but I’m scared he’ll write it on my progress notes or something. But then I don’t know if he’d do that because it would reveal our inappropriate banter. I’m feeling so sad that I’m being discharged soon because the thought of not having him in my life is destroying me. This may sound really silly but it’s huge for me. Help? X

Hello there,

I'm sorry that this situation has you confused and distressed. I am going to be frank here, if he actually is flirting with you, that is a breach in his professional role and is highly unethical. I know it can feel nice to have someone acknowledge you, banter with you, have fun with you. But if it truly is flirting with you, it is not okay to be doing that to you. You're getting better, which is fantastic, but you're still in a vulnerable spot - he's literally charged with part of your care, he holds all the power in this situation.

You will probably have been discharged by the time that this has been posted, but I do think that it would be best to not approach him. I know that advice sucks when it's someone that you're really into. But the two options here are: you accidentally misread things, and it will feel very awkward, OR you didn't misread things, and he is breaking multiple ethical boundaries, which is a very rocky place to want to begin a relationship from.

It sounds like you're hurting not saying it, and I'm sorry for that pain. I know it doesn't sound like it could be true, but there will be a time where you will find someone else - someone who doesn't hold power over you, someone who you can be you with, without these personal and professional strings attached.

I think the best thing to do is, when you get home, focus on you. What goals do you have for when you get out? Are there things that you want to do having been inpatient for four months? What small steps can you take to make life at home better for you? I personally can fill a whole day with trying to improve my self-care. Try keep your mind busy. And if focusing on yourself is too much, look at this page of distractions and give a few of those a go, or write your own list to try. Reach out to friends and family. Keep that mind busy, and hopefully it'll soon start to move past this healthcare assistant.

I know this may not have been the answer that you wanted, but I do hope that it helps.

Positive thoughts your way, Alexandria.