#(hello yes more psychoanalysis)

[cedarxwing]

Hello!!

What do you think made Will bluebeard's last wife? And how did Will understand that Hannibal was in love with him when he had the bluebeard discussion with Bedelia?

Hello! I see that someone already answered this question here, but I'll try to put my own spin on it.

Some context:

In the folktale, Bluebeard is a wealthy man whose wives keep mysteriously disappearing. He gives his seventh wife the key to all the locked doors in their house, but tells her not to open the door to the basement ("Secrets you're not to know, yet sworn to keep"). Of course, the wife goes snooping and discovers the corpses of all his former wives. It's a classic Pandora/Psyche myth with a horrific twist.

Key point: Bluebeard's seventh and final wife survives, inherits his fortune, and lives happily ever after.

The Bluebeard analogy is honestly perfect for Hannibal's character because it highlights the way he destroys everyone he loves. He brings a series of "wives" behind the veil (Miriam, Abigail, Gideon) and all of them end up maimed, mentally broken, or dead. This pattern echoes his childhood behavior, originating with the consumption of Mischa and developing with his mind games with Chiyoh. "Every family loves differently. Every love is unique." Hannibal expresses love through destruction and consumption.

Bedelia understands this. When she says she would've preferred to be Bluebeard's last wife, she means that she would've preferred to be the one who escaped Hannibal and lived happily ever after. She does not want to be on the receiving end of Hannibal's "love."

There's a deleted scene in the Antipasto script where she says the same line to Dimmond:

Basically, "Help me lock this monster up, because I'm not going to be one of his victims. I do want his money, though."

The same line, said accusingly to Will, takes on a different meaning. Hannibal is courting a new partner, and if Bedelia isn't his final wife anymore... well, she's going to end up in the basement with the rest. @genufa wrote an interesting analysis on this concept here.

Now, let's zoom out and view the whole conversation from Will's perspective:

Will can't let go of the fact that Bedelia emerged from Hannibal's influence completely unscathed, whereas Hannibal took--and continues to take--everything from Will. He's operating on his understanding of the Chesapeake Ripper: "Contrapasso. You play, you pay." So why does Hannibal make Will pay again and again and again, while Bedelia got away with mere psychological torment? According to Chesapeake Ripper logic, that would mean Bedelia is preferred, right?

Before this conversation, Will doesn't understand how Hannibal expresses love ( @suchawrathfullamb wrote a lovely post about this). He thinks that everything Hannibal did to him (encephalitis era, prison era, honeytrap codependency era, Mizumono, the Primavera human heart, the attempted brain-eating in Dolce) was out of pure sadism. If Hannibal found him more interesting than Randall, Margot, and his other violent patients, it was only because his empathy and involvement with the FBI made him a rare specimen.

[BOOK TANGENT TIME! Oh boy, my favorite!! :D]

Will's misdiagnosis of Hannibal's ability to love was inspired by this piece of hack psychoanalysis in chapter 51 of Hannibal:

^ This is clearly posed as an incorrect interpretation of Hannibal Lecter:

Yes, Hannibal is excited by distress, but he loves those who bear distress beautifully, with strength, courage, and discipline. This is how he comes to care for people like Abigail, Jack, and Bella. And, of course, Will suffers the most pornographically beautifully of all.

[END BOOK TANGENT]

"It's distress that excites him," Will thinks. So it catches his attention when Bedelia says of his forehead scar, "It excites [Hannibal] to see you marked in this particular way." Why? Why this particular way? Is it a mark of ownership (the metaphorical facial theory)? A symbol of the permanent effect Hannibal had on him? This is Bedelia's first hint that Will's distress means more to Hannibal than punishment or sadistic entertainment.

When Bedelia turns the Bluebeard analogy back on Will, it finally clicks for him that distress/destruction/consumption is the pattern of Hannibal's love, and the fact that Hannibal tortures Will more than anyone else means that Will holds a place of honor in his heart. With this context, Hannibal's attempt to eat his brain becomes an act of adoration. The mark on his forehead becomes a laurel wreath.

To answer your first question, I don't think "Bluebeard's last wife" is a great analogy for Will.

First of all, Bedelia never called him that. She implied that Will was becoming the next wife, emphasizing the threat associated with Hannibal's affection. Bluebeard's last wife would've ended up in the basement too if she hadn't been clever enough to escape, and Will doesn't seem particularly clever to Bedelia at this point. Even Will admits his surrender: "I don't know if I can save myself, and maybe that's just fine."

Second of all, Bluebeard's last wife betrays him to the authorities, and Will does the exact opposite in TWOTL. I guess you could interpret "I don't intend Hannibal to be caught a second time," as "I'm planning to kill him myself," but passionately embracing Hannibal before gently dragging him off a cliff in a failed murder-suicide doesn't read as "Bluebeard's last wife" behavior to me.

If Will is to be Bluebeard's last wife, it's because Hannibal's love for him breaks the pattern, meaning Hannibal is no longer Bluebeard. A true fairytale ending. <3

[tanejineri]

alright chat, i swore it

i'm going sentence case for this, i have been thinking about this for a while now, and it's going to drive me fucking insaaane so bear with me here. also just a note i am autistic and this subject is a huge point of passion for me so also bear with me on that part everything underlined is a link that will take you to the sources of everything discussed if you need a refresher alrighty enjoy rahh

How Not to Transition to Human: A Psychoanalysis of Magpies and Fassad

INTRODUCTION

Hello! Hi! It's me, your favorite ibuprofen addicted love child of an asshole and autistic person resulting in an autistic kind-of asshole. To my fellow neurodivergents, I have a question for you--are you human?

If your answer is yes, you'll probably not understand this essay very well. If your answer is no, you'll understand it very concisely. I, myself, am not human. It's common for those with neurodiversity to not attach themselves to humanity and instead connect with things that aren't human, whether it be an animal, an insect, or inanimate things. Or fantastical creatures! I myself am a chimera. Not like MOTHER 3 or Fullmetal chimera, I am a hare-stone marten-coyote-porcupine-cat hybrid. Or I simply refer to myself as a jackalope.

You've probably already clicked off, thinking to yourself, "What is this guy waffling about?! I came here to read a Fassad analysis, not about what fucking animal I'd be!" Well, this is all necessary so hold on. This lack of humanity can come from being born in a way that is different, and therefore people treat you differently. Or, maybe you feel more comfortable feeling closer to identifying with those animals because you understand them more than what you were born as. Being non-human identifying is similar to being transgender, just as that is also associated with autism.

Now I'm not autism coding anyone today, but what if you weren't born human? Let's say you were born as what humans would consider an animal?

THE LINE BETWEEN HUMAN AND ANIMAL

Magpies. Not the birds, not some sports team somewhere in this world, the replacement word I use for mag******. Everyone has a different word for them, but I like to say magpie.

You are a human who just happens to run into something that looks human, seems human, but clearly there is something off about them. They could have more hair than you, maybe unnatural proportions. They could have weird feet, weird colors, weird behavior. You'd consider that an animal. Refer to the beginning of Chapter 7, when they tied up Ionia. That is what you'd do with an animal.

Magpies are human at their base--their sentience, their appearance, and their way of living is very much so human, but it seems that there are some things that clearly allude to their lack of humanity. Humanity is such a strict construct, that you could be considered an animal on some aspects. In this case their mentality, and their behavior. Magpies are hyperfeminine (by human standards), and they are, in a sense, immortal beings. Along with their strong connection to the Dragon and the Earth, this is something that a person could discriminate about.

The magpies, not being human, alienate humans from themselves as the humans do with them. Refer to Chapter 1 in Aeolia's shell at the tea party. Having just helped a boy, and not understanding the urgency of the family, considering his life as meaningless in their eyes, even laughing about it amongst one another. "Oh, get over yourselves. / We couldn't care less about you humans. Here one minute and gone the next. (...) Why would anyone bother to care about such short lives?" And even though Doria stepped up, they still talked about it as a different way of thinking. You could sympathize with their words, but it's clearly one said out of understanding and less about sympathy. "Humans worry about such short lives. / Isn't that right, Alecy-poo?"

You could try to consider magpies human as much as you please. However, this does not mean that they would consider themselves human in comparison to you. You are not a magpie in their eyes, nor are you "biologically." You never will be. Just as they'll never be human to you "biologically."

However, this doesn't mean they are locked away from identifying with humans, just as with the other way around. The border between human and animal in general is very thin, almost non-existent, as we ourselves have scientific names. What makes a human different from an animal? The answer is their way of living.

THE MYSTERIOUS CASE OF LOCRIA

It is never explained why Locria left. We know what Locria is, but we do not know who they are. I mean, we do know, refer to Chapter 8 and the 100 floors, but we don't know them as a person from prior to this. The magpies briefly mentioned them in passing (refer back to Chapter 1), but there seemed to be little to almost no concern on their whereabouts from the party. Overall, before they became who we know now as Fassad, they are an enigma overall. The most we can do is theorize who they were and what caused them to turn their back on the others. Hehehe. HEHEHE-

Okay, maybe I lied. This isn't very much of a scholarly essay as it is me pouring my stupid little headcanons over your head and stating them as fact. But obviously it's not fact because I just admitted to it being headcanons. Alrighty, let's dig into it.

What is the difference between a magpie and a human beyond their biological dichotomy? Look into their behaviors and their significance of their life. Refer to Chapter 7 with Doria and how eager they are to have their needle pulled. Have you ever thought about how excited they are for what is essentially their death? All of them are. The way they jump around, the way they praise Lucas for being there for them. They don't protest for the Masked Man to either. They have no control over their fates, and they have accepted that. It is the way of the Dragon and that is how they were made to fall.

Humans are afraid of death. We find the idea of lacking free will horrible, a pessimistic point of view in our eyes. To lie down and kneel to a life of no control all to a force that doesn't care for whichever way your life goes, whether the world lives or dies, is torture. What fear they have is what pushes them onto wanting to change. Whether it be themselves, or those around them, or whether they live or die, humans live for themselves. And they know that.

Fassad is comically evil. He does whatever he likes, hurts because he can, and wants to push others down. Have you considered what Locria could have been like? Certainly not the same. They were presented as kind, having a little mouse friend and taking good care of it. They could have known Kumatora when she was a baby, and this brings me into this.

Perhaps Locria has seen the beauty of human life through Kumatora. Watching her grow, the way she works around, how she can just grow up and love, to live around the castle of a family long gone. She could live anywhere. She could die anywhere. She had free will. And there is some envy you would feel knowing that you're locked to your own fate while the one you're caring for gets to flourish past you.

Humans have free will, while a magpie does not. All they do is bring prophecies to others like angels, while they sit around and gossip amongst another with nothing going on. There's only so much monotony that one can take before they snap.

TO TRANSITION TO HUMAN

Tell me, my good human. What makes a human? It's not their dichotomy. It's there behavior and actions, as well as their sentience. You look at a talking animal and don't go "That's an animal," you go "That's an anthropomorphic animal." Anthropomorphism is a term you are very much so familiar with and have experienced all throughout your life. Humans love to connect with animals by giving them humanoid traits, or even objects. Objects made to look like animals, animals made to look like toys. Give them all life with human traits. Give it a name, give it a voice, make it move.

Anthropomorphism cannot apply to something already sentient. It would rather instead be known as "human." The way people refer to elephants as "human" simply because they show emotion. Well, let's stop being all giddy and smiley all the time. Perhaps there are some concerns to voice. Let's say you don't like the idea of living an idle life of talking over and over and lounging around for hundreds of years to come. You'll express frustration. They don't like that.

Humans don't dress over the top and flaunt themselves like birds. They prefer simplicity. Some like complexity, those are the outliers, but the majority prefers things in colors you see every day. Green for the grass and leaves. Brown bark. White clouds. Snow. Blue water. Yellow flowers. Golden flowers. Okay ok ok ok ok you get it you fucking get it okay? IM JUST BEING ON THE NOSE- Perhaps you wish to be attune with that. More colors of what you see every day. You wish to be a part of nature, not a stand out against it. They don't like that.

Like animals, humans wish for survival. They live and fight to survive. Wars, pack divides, fight for dominance, establishment of hierarchy. "I'm better than you!" "Well, my mane is darker, therefore I am better than you." Rabbits have very loose napes so that they can run away from the grasp of predators when caught. Crane flies' life spans are so short that they live simply to mate and die and keep their life going on through generations before. The one thing that every living being wants to do is stay alive. So why shouldn't we? Why should we lie down when we can stand up? Perhaps I don't want to die. Perhaps I wish to live my life. I want to talk amongst the people, to love, to die in a way that is not by fate, but rather my own volition.

Nobody likes that. See, being a magpie, you are a headstone of the Dragon. You don't choose when to live, or to die, or whether or not you'll be happy or sad during that time. Everything is a flow of one direction.

To humans, that's known as pessimism. There are religions, yes, where our fates are predetermined, and the God will give us missions, struggles, to see if we make it up to their Heaven or burn in their Hells, but to the normal, every day person, this is pessimism.

Humans around negative energy are quick to react to it and wish to run away from it. We all run from death. And so does Locria.

THE FRAME OF REFERENCE FOR A HUMAN

The only human Locria interacted with was a child, Kumatora. That would be a good frame of reference if it weren't for the fact that it was a child. But let's say they were to meet another human. One who can change everything for them. Get this, someone with an offer nobody could refuse.

Hello chat, welcome to the reason why Fassad is a bitchass motherfucker. He's modelled off of Porky Minch. I KNOW, FAR FETCHED. BUT HEAR ME THE FUCK OUT. Sure, there's Alec. But how do we know when the fuck he joined in? Or how long ago all the planning took place? Okay, boom. Shot that down. Porky in MOTHER 3 is the worst thing on earth. I don't want any defenders of Porky right now, because it doesn't change the fact that he's an asshole. Okay?

Porky disregards the well-being of his citizens by creating elaborate ways to torment people who don't follow his way (refer to Thunder Tower as a whole), acts nonchalant, aggressive, and dramatically with those around him (refer to Chapter 8, post-Pork Bot fight), and sees no humanity in animals (Chimera) and even uses them for his benefit in cruel and unusual ways (refer to Chapter 5, the electric catfish). Keep all of this in mind.

Considering Locria's vulnerability and desperation during this time I would believe, it'd be easy to fall into the hands of someone who would offer you something you been wanting--invulnerability. Get this--have you noticed that they only found the Final Needle after Fassad died? Refer back to Chapter 8. Sure it could have been set up to appear that way, but have you considered that this might have been intentionally delayed while he was around? Fassad was able to live his life however he pleased, do whatever he pleased, treat everyone and everything around him as he pleased. And at the end of it all, he was a magpie according to game allusions. It was the final, yes, but why that one? Beyond the digging, they could have easily done it faster with machinery, yet they chose human labor. Food for thought, food for thought. Colon three. :3.

A chance to live your life as freely as you like. That is what the invulnerability offers you. You don't have to worry about your fate, because your fate is protected by the one who you believe will stick to his word. Looking past the assholery and manipulative feel of this person, seems like someone who will be able to help you. He has big plans, and they need you. Perhaps you could help in some way to bring this guy power. You could use the others...

There has to be an intense moral breakdown to have gotten Locria to side with Porky, let alone follow him. Some type of string pulling, words drizzled in honey, anything. What could have brought you to abandon what is essentially your family to join the side of darkness? It's obvious. Invulnerability. Safety amongst my arms. A gift of wax wings to fly however you please. So, now what?

HUMANITY IS INHERENTLY EVIL

MANKIND IS A FAILURE. FREE WILL IS A FLAW. LET THE EVIL OF THEIR OWN LIPS CONSUME THEM. THEN I SHALL BEGIN AGAIN, WITH MY WORD AS LAW.

sorry for the interest overlap teehee <3

What does an animal feel when it sees a human? Does it run? Does it hide? Does it bite? Does it investigate? And does its investigation result in its death? A lot of religions believe that humanity is an inherently evil race. Why am I talking about religion so much? Hyperfixated fuck- A lot of people believe humanity to be inherently evil. We spoil the Earth with our presence, as we were not made to progress this far.

Porky is an inherently evil person. He refuses to change even to his end (refer to Chapter 8, Absolutely Safe Capsule), he's all the things I listed prior, and so far he's the only real frame of reference that we have for a human that isn't Alec and Kumatora. He's everything that we can only look at now. Sure, people can be good, but Porky isn't. He's the example of the worst that can come of humanity.

You have to blend in with those around you, so you take from them as you go. So what does he do? He disregards the well-being of the villagers and manipulates them into doing what he wants, subtly tormenting them in ways that will get them to follow his way, acts aggressive and overreacts dramatically to the most minute things, and is needlessly cruel to an animal he needs to use for Porky's volition. All come from Chapter 3, and here¹ they² are³ in order.

I KNOW. I'M STRETCHING. BUT BUT UHHH. UM. UH- I'm always right!

So now we've reached the point of no return. Fassad mimics the bit of human he sees in Porky and increases it tenfold there-in turning against everything that he was born as when it comes onto morals, ways of living, and of course appearance. Because so far this is what a powerful human being has been. A cruel, relentless being. And the weaker ones are meek, easy to deceive. Their softness is what brings about their downfall, and overreliance on one another their playing into hands.

But it's on them. Humans are what twisted Porky to be the way that he is. All humans are evil by Fassad's standards. They hurt one another, intentional or not, and they're selfish for all their power. He follows Porky's rhetoric to a T--they'll always sign their own death warrant.

CONCLUSION

I have no idea what I'm trying to say here, to be fucking honest. Fassad is a complicated case of extreme mirroring and loss of self all because he felt different than how he was born as. Obviously, he's also transgender by definition of switching over from what he was born as. I know that's not a part of the essay, but it's something of note because the switching over to the binary was alongside his transition as a person.

Yes, the game wants you to believe that he was a magpie. And he once was! No matter how many mustaches he glues on his face, no matter how tightly he ties up his hair to hide it in his headdress, he will always be on the surface a magpie. But deep down, and even on the surface as well, he died human.

[raptorrobot]

hi hi hello it’s long ask anon, over here as prophesied approximately ten minutes ago :]

first: i LOVE the idea of gabriel losing his mind over the smallest shred of approval from daedalus. you saying he’d call gabriel “champ” made me think of the next step which is “son” (as like a generic term)…gabriel’s helmet instantly starts pouring with tears and daedalus is like “…did i break him???”

second: please absolutely feel free to take the icarv1el ship name!! also now i’m imagining icarus and v1 like. both just staring at gabriel no movement no expression. he is so unsettled XD

third: how would icarus feel if he knew about all of the humans who love him so much (the many violent sun fans)? would he be concerned? flattered? something else entirely?

fourth: reread violent sun chapter 18 recently. going insane over icarus tapping gabriel’s helmet and saying that a bird visits him every so often. like i know this man is an aroace king but somehow he’s still got insane flirting skills. how. somebody send help my object collision is failing just thinking about it

bonus round: both of your hideous mass videos made me laugh, thank you for posting them!! evil nasty lobster. it’s so mean…

(also i keep calling icarus “the ick” in my head now. i have been infected with the Ick Disease. i will not be seeking treatment /j)

thank you again for being so nice and friendly i really appreciate it! in case it wasn’t obvious i am a little bit shy so i appreciate the warm welcome to the Icarus Fanclub :D

my eyes comically lit up in delight when i saw 'long ask anon' in the preview of this ask . hi hello !!! welcome back !!!! i love this more than anything !!!!!!!

i want nothing more in the world than to be able to speak to my own character so i can tell him how many people love him . seeing people relate to icarus' struggles and adore him all the more for it makes my heart feel funny in the best possible way <3 and he would be so happy to know !!! because he has believed himself unworthy of connection and love for most of his life !!!! and knowing that he is loved so dearly by so many people might just change that :']

and, on another note; yes it is completely canon that icarus has insane rizz (icarizz, if you will) . it's just effortless for him due to the way he talks - he's very eloquent and poetic with his words and actions !! while a good chunk of it is unintentional, he knows what he's doing to gabriel, and that is riling that angel up to get a reaction out of him even if it's not driven from a place of attraction !! he still finds gabriel cute though. in the same way one would find a puppy or perhaps kitten cute

thankyou long ask anon for yet another pseudo-psychoanalysis of the Ick. i adore every word of them

[karamazovposting]

Hello !

I’ll be brief - I had read tbk one year ago or so, and I had caught myself so intrigued by Ivan Karamazov that I soon only continued the novel in order to learn more about him. But I digress. I read your writings on Ivan around the same time as I started to research on psychoanalysis; and from there I ended by reading on manic-depressive disorder, which I realized soon enough is the older term for Bipolar disorder. I have many reasons for suspecting that I have bipolar disorder, and your description of it is so captivating to me. I find myself in it, and I find myself in Ivan. My teachers and my parents try to take me to see a psychologist, but I resist. I am a teenager, I feel it might simply be a turbulent time for my psyche. Do you think, if I happen to find myself in all of your descriptions, see a psychologist? Even though I am a teenager?

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a teenager, so I'd say yes.

While adolescence is indeed a turbulent time for everyone, there's a difference between normal teenage angst and moodiness and struggling with symptoms of a mental illness so if you suspect something might be out of the ordinary it's always best to check it out.

Actually, even if someone doesn't think they might have any kind of mental disorder/doesn't have a mental disorder but is still having a difficult time, they should ask for help if they need it because therapy isn't just for people with mental disorders.

I wish you the best!

[topazadine]

Hello I am back to do some psychoanalysis on my favorite topic (Uguisumaru)

I really think that one of Uguisumaru's defining traits is codependency; even after Kiwame, he has to talk about Ookanehira somehow. Certainly I don't think he's boring because of it, but it's his fatal flaw (all toudan have them sowwy). He doesn't see himself as interesting on his own so he attaches himself to someone else, unable to recognize his own value as an individual. Like I said, it gets better after Kiwame (like his "I'm better than you" line when sparring) but it's still there and always will be there.

I wonder if this is due to the fact that he was an art piece and was never sent to the battlefield, so he really doesn't have acclaim on his own: his big claim to fame is being an Imperial Treasure, and that isn't necessarily about him or what he has done, but who he belongs to. He has spent his whole life as the possession of someone else, only valued because of how other people see him, so of course this would carry into his life as a toudan too.

It might also be because, as we all know, he was made wrong by Bizen Tomonari; his metal wasn't sealed properly and began to blister, which is why he was reforged before being presented to the emperor. He was literally remade because someone else wanted him: not because he was damaged in battle or because he took part in some momentous historical event like the burning of Osaka Castle. His whole value as a sword, the defining event of his life, is transactional and at the behest of someone else.

Yes, all toudan are important because of who they belonged to or who made them, otherwise they would have just been nameless swords that were melted down and sold for scrap. However, Uguisumaru's story is a bit more tragic because that is his only purpose. His only value. Not because he was sharp like Kasen, or beautiful like Mikazuki, or spiritual like Ishikirimaru, or fought over like Tsurumaru. Just because someone decided to give him as a gift. He has no other acclaim but that he was a damaged sword that had to be fixed.

So of course he would become codependent. Of course he would see his value as who he belongs to, and that person is Ookanehira. Not to say that their relationship isn't full of love and affection, but Uguisumaru see his value as "who wants me" not "what do I do." This is so achingly apparent in his characterization in Hanamaru, where he just kinda sits and waits for Ookanehira to come home.

One of the first things he says to Mikazuki is "have you seen Ookanehira," and we really only see him get up and do something interesting if someone wants him to. His episode talking to Hirano about Ookanehira isn't even about him - it's about Ookanehira and what he's observed about him. In the movies, most of his lines or actions revolved around what Ookanehira wants, what Ookanehira is doing, what Ookanehira needs. In the live-action movie he doesn't have Ookanehira, but he's still just a plot device for main characters. In the stage plays he's always doing something for or about Ookanehria.

It's honestly quite sad, because I don't think Ookanehira is trying to diminish Uguisumaru or make him subservient; that's just the way Uguisumaru is. Some swords see themselves as weapons, some see themselves as sinners. Uguisumaru sees himself as a possession and nothing more.

[dual-domination]

Tag someone you want to get to know better

I was tagged by @lasenbyphoenix HELLO THERE! Thank you for tagging me! ;D

Favourite Colour - Green (except neon)

Last Song

Last Movie

Rewatched Brahmastra bc this movie is fantastic. Indian movies are my favorites.

Currently Watching

West Out of the Yumen/Parallel World - This show is as good as it looks in the trailers. Starting episode 15. (For people tired of boring fem!lead, go watch this show. Ye Liuxi is a gremlin)

Currently Reading

Look, this is hard to answer because I'm always reading something, often multiple things all at once, from both my fields (Psychoanalysis and Literature) and whatever fiction or poetry related to my current hyperfixations. Still reading the 'Classic of Mountains and Seas' and 'A Chinese Bestiary'. And fanfic :D

Currently Working On

Besides the WIPs already being posted and the fic I mentioned multiple times I'm writing with Vince... This week I'm working on more texts for the next fic of the AU Of fallen gods and forgotten sacrifices (Weilanxie, I'm an obvious person at this point).

Current Obsession

Ye Liuxi. And Chang Dong, of course. Drawing/Painting Kunlun/Shen Wei and Past!WuXie

Tagging @omaenanimonoda @pangzi @lacommunarde @minnichan

[firstdivisiongirl]

Heyyy I'm that anon who forgot to put stuff in the matchup request, which I'm really sorry for, should've been more careful ☹️☹️

Anyway I updated the whole thing and was wondering if you could do the matchup again?? It's okay if not

Again, I would like a romantic matchup for TR. The gender of the character doesn't matter

Pronouns she/he/they

Sexuality: biromantic and demisexual

I'm a Leo if that's of any help😭

I'm an INTP 5w4 (also phlegmatic-sanguine).Personality wise I'm a very calm person that looks tired most of the time but I also get extremely talkative when I'm with people I'm comfortable with or whom I've known for e very long time. And when I'm with those people I'm the teasing flirty type.I'm also very lazy, like hella lazy. I mostly sleep around all day and do nothing unless I REALLY have to.

People in general don't talk to me unless I butt into the conversation and then I sort of steal the spotlight even though I don't really mean it, but people don't seem to mind because they say I'm funny.So basically at first glance I get deemed as an extrovert. Even tho whenever I manage to get rid of people I basically become a human fossil and not talk to anyone and that goes as far as ignoring texts for months, which I agree is a toxic trait.So yeah, I'm going to ghost people no matter who they are at some point.I've seen someone include this so I'm going to say it: my giving love language are words of affirmation and receiving would be gifts or physical touch.

Okay as for likes and dislikes (sorry that I forgot about this, my bad):

Dislikes: people who think they know everything, bullies, people who don't know when to shut up- people-. Okay no, just kidding. I dislike most types of food, aka I'm a picky eater. I also dislike being told what to do and stuff like that

Likes: I like a lot of stuff actually. From comics to games to manga to anime to banana ice cream (don't ask why that's relevant). I also love collecting stuff. Like it could be random rocks or merch, I like to collect.

I also have the usual hobbies aka reading, drawing and listening to music. I like to write too. And does annoying my friends count?? A hobby of mine (if it's even considered a hobby) is to psychoanalyze people. Okay not doing a full psychoanalysis of them, just analyzing them in general.

And again sorry for forgetting stuff :((

Hello there. No need to apologize. Things happen all the time. I am just happy that I am able to fulfill your request. So...I hope you like it!

You Got...

Hinata Tachibana!!!!

Would 100% bring you little collectibles wherever she goes!

She would understand that you need time to be alone and respect that. Would she worry? Yes. Would she eventually realize that you are okay? Yes.

She would always tell you how much she loves you and how she thinks you are amazing.

Would defend you if anyone tried to bully you, since you hate people like that.

Would think you are super funny and super nice.

Dates would be either to get ice cream or maybe a concert.

I can picture you flirting with her and she gets super happy and flustered all at the same time.

Will listen to you talk for hours because she loves you and finds you so interesting.

[roguishlyhandsomesecretagent]

"Look, I'm not gonna lie here," Rex remarked drowsily, unaware of the serum now in his system, "you want my biggest secret? I'm usually one to flirt but like, this one guy? Red haired, absolutely wild, used to be an emperor. We've had him in our database for years. Turns out, I'm in love with him. Unfortunate for the both of us, we're enemies."

Rex started to take on the appearance of someone who'd had a bit too much to drink.

"Rex, this wasn't the information we needed---"

An enemy agent was abruptly interrupted by the spy.

"If you'd let me finish, I'll tell you. So anyway," he continued in a conversational manner, completely unaware of the position he was in, "that was a huge problem. I don't actually feel comfortable with this, considering I'm not an open and vulnerable person and I don't trust this man, so I end up flirting with some other people to take my mind off and yet I still visit him because I can't help it. I feel sorry for the guy, his father was a dick and left him in charge at 18 because his mum died when he was 14, so I just justify it as helping him, as I do, because that's just me."

He took on a solemn expression at this, which wasn't really him. "Of course I love him," he said, laughing amusedly, "but I don't trust myself around him and yet...I feel as if I'm abandoning him. I don't want to cause any jealousy with the way he looks at me sometimes because I don't want to commit to this but I can't leave him. And I'd hate to see him have anyone else's attention even if I don't want it either, because I'm a hypocrite. I just chalk it up to my emotional issues to find any level of control. It's hard to flirt with others when he's stuck at the back of my mind."

He let out a breath before the last part.

"I wish it could've been anyone else but him."

[imposterogers]

hello, I don't know how serious you were when you said "someone needs to psychoanalyse Harry Osbourn" but ask and ye shall recieve? I am running on 4h of sleep, and just write my penultimate final so, like, this isn't the most consise or detailed but it does answer every rhetorical(?) question you posed. I'm explaining all the psych stuff assuming you don't have any orientation to the bullshit I'm about to spew, and I'm adding in links wherever explaining this will take too long so.... this is going to be a little pretty long.

Now, ideally psychoanalysis would be done via multiple hour long session (like nearly 20+) where the client just talks about their past memories, childhood, how they feel right now and what they think. Occasionally we throw in a dream or two, to see what their unconscious desires are. Essentially it’s very talk based, and in person is obviously the best. Since Harry is (a) fictional, and (b) not giving me enough screen time in the movie to just use the words he says, I'm not treating Harry like a client. Instead I'm just taking what we know about him and applying psychodynamic theories to him and treat him like a case study.

Now, I'm not actually sure how serious you were about the Psychoanalysing

We’re beginning with two main theories, 1. Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development: where the exploration of sexuality, formation of gender, it’s influences on self and the desires of a person are formed. 2. Erickson��s Psychosocial Stages of Development: which tells us what social needs were met, what weren’t, and how that influences personality/behaviour.

Note: Because it’s Freud and the late 1890s, sex and gender are the same and only the binary exists. Thus, this theory doesn’t look at gender, sexuality and is VERY outdated. These explanations are only used for heteronormativity, and homosexuality is considered a perversion from norm (which I’ll go into)

#1: Infancy to Toddler-hood:

My guess, due to Norman being abusive, cold, distant and uses money/luxury gifts to show his affection (if any), shit hits the fan from Stage 1 of the Psychosocial Stages: Trust vs Mistrust (0-Toddler age). At this stage it’s super important for a child to be around their primary care givers. Not having a primary care giver (parent, grand parent, nanny — someone who’s there with the child forming a deeply intimate bond) leave children with a sense of mistrust in the world. It make’s them prone to insecurity, and give the child unhealthy patterns of attachment, generally making them very “hope-less” (as in they are more likely to feel hopeless, isolated and alone and not just like... pathetic).

Assuming Emily Osborn died like a year after Harry was born, it's been somewhat implied she died due to post-pregnancy complications, Harry didn't have his mom around during the v imp phase. Norman is said to have really loved her and there’s a chance that after her death, Norman blamed Harry and treated him terribly. Either way, this means Harry grew up without the necessary bond post age 1, which has fundamentally fucked him and his perception of the world. Pair with this the entitelement that comes with wealth, and it's just truly too much.

#2: Toddler-hood to Childhood:

Now I’m going to the phallic stage (ages 3-5, toddler to child). This is from the psychosexual development, Freud’s theory. (Note: not the same theory as mentioned in the previous point). The middle stages in both theories are somewhat irrelevant to explain why Harry’s so.. that, but I can elaborate if you need it??

During the phallic stage, the idea is that the (cis)male child struggles with the Oedipus complex. He develops an attraction for the parent of the opposite sex, but is threatened by the parent of the same sex and thus begins to imitate the same sex parent to win the opposite sex parents affection.

So the son is attracted to the mother, but is threatened by the father (this specific fear in men is called castration anxiety for boys). Thus they imitate their father and his behaviour, hoping to receive affection from women who are like his mom. This obviously can influence the way he treats women.

Freud says neither heterosexuality nor homosexuality are innate, they are instead how we resolve our phallic stage — heterosexual is normal way to resolve it, and homosexual is to deviate from the norm. Now homosexuality could be a fixation of this stage — not resolving the conflict with his father and being heterosexual, will make him gay.

But I think he’s bi, so Harry associates with his father the way Freud expects children to, thus making him attracted to women as per normal (and also, this is why he identitfes as male, and doesn't have gender confusion). But he has unresolved his issues with Norman and wants his fathers affection and love. Both his parents are equally unattainable to him, one is dead the other is distant. Thus, Harry has to deviate from the norm on an unconscious level, and wants his fathers approval which he will get via the same resolution. This just means he loves and seeks approval from both men and women, which just like... makes him bi???? (keep in mind, sexuality and gender spectrum is the biggest limitation to Freud's theory

#3: Childhood

I’m skipping to the inferiority vs industry stage (ages 6-11) in the psychosocial stages where the child learns to either be industrious — confident, social, ambitious; or feels inferior.

I think Harry became industrious, he was taught to be strong and be the ruthlessly aggressive bully, and was also doing that because it was what got him his dad’s approval. He unlearns it, but it is also his nature, in a more innate way.

This stage in the psychosocial theory, starts right where the phallic stage in psychosexual ends. So, I’m guessing that Harry resolves his sexuality crisis via Freud, but his social needs of love, belonging and care are still up in the air, which he resolves via Erickson’s. This appeases his base consciousness, he has two problems, they are solved. It doesn’t matter if it’s healthy or not, he is literally 10. He does what worked for him, and associates with his fathers way again making him the confident bully that we see him as.

So now we come to Peter... what’s up with that?

Peter is smart like his father. His need for his fathers love is thus projected here. There’s a sort of transference, his need for approval from dad is not only found in Peter, but like Peter actually genuinely loves him too. Emily, his mother, no idea what she’s like but let’s she loved him unconditionally, and he probably felt safe around her — Peter evokes those same feelings in Harry. Thus, his means of resolving his gender and sexuality crisis during the phallic stage is coming back to bite him in the ass, via Peter. He’s like the mix between what he needed socially, love and acceptance; with what he desires, approval from his father who is a smart man

Why does he treat MJ like that? Because that’s how Norman shows love and affection to a person. Norman just spoilt this boy with his riches, and didn’t show an ounce of love or affection, and thus Harry assumes spoiling MJ is how he can show that he loves her.

Why is he dating MJ, the girl his best friend loves. Remember that bit about attraction to the opposite sex parent, so you associating with the same sex to win affection? Well. He’s doing that… but wrong. He is associate himself with what the object of his affection (Peter) is attracted to (MJ), in hopes that he will become like said object of attraction (like MJ), thus winning over (because Peter will now want him). I am not claiming that Harry is normal, or ok. I’m just saying, this is how you can explain it.

Why take Peter out on these not-dates? Same logic as point 2, it’s how he shows affection.

Why does Harry ask Peter to go hit on MJ? Denial. The defence mechanism of denial specifically

I can go on, but I will stop. PS. Also, you’re right. Not only is Harry in love, he subconsciously desires Peter? Like on a carnal level.

harry osborn has been psychoanalyzed

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

Curious and autistic-coded

Hello there! April draws to an end and with that I think it’s high time to hurry up and write this. What does April have to do with anything, you ask? April is the Autism Acceptance Month. So what better month to do this?

Unfortunately I didn’t make it. I failed. It’s already 1. 5. when I’m posting this. But at least I tried to deliver on time.

In this mini essay I’ll present my case about why I think the Curious brothers from TS2 Strangetown display autistic-coded traits and my personal takes on it.

It’s basically your average headcanon post but with a funny top hat!

0: Preface: What do I mean by “autistic-coded”?

When a character is coded as something, it means that they have traits that are associated with the demographics in question to make the consumer knowingly or not link the character with the demographic, although the character's "label” is never explicitly disclosed.

In the nutshell, it means that there are canonical reasons to read the characters as autistic, although you won't find the word "autism" anywhere in the game nor in the developer's commentary.

In this particular case I do believe that the developer may not even be aware of the code, as there is no evidence to suggest otherwise. If there is, I’m not aware of it and I would be happy to learn.

So, let’s start!

1: “The white male who is very good at science”

Unfortunately autistic representation in pop-culture has a long history of being rather straightforward in which traits the characters often have. This stems from the belief that autism is “a boy’s disorder” (that’s why some autism charities to this day use blue in their symbols). Among popular examples of autistic-coded characters are Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper and Death Note’s L and Near. I’m sure you can think of more but you’ll find that most of them are men and either explicitly white or racially ambiguous white-passing. They also tend to be gifted in tech, logic or other science-y activities.

There’s nothing wrong with that! Nothing wrong with being an autistic with those “stereotypical” characteristics and there is nothing wrong with people being represented. What is wrong is the monotony and afab people/people of color being underrepresented which leads (among other factors) to harder access to diagnosis and resources for those people in real life. But! That’s a topic for a different day. (and not for a simbrl, mind you)

Back to the Curiouses! I just wanted to say that autism in media is traditionally associated with characters whose gender presentation, race and interests align with theirs. Those characteristic thus make a very convenient template for autistic-coding.

2: Inconsistent performance, huge gaps between strengths and weaknesses

Pascal, Vidcund and Lazlo are very skilled Sims by default, extraordinarily even for their age. Pascal has a skill maxed while his younger brothers both near maxing theirs.

But as you can see in Pascal’s default skill panel, apart from Creativity, all his other skills are extremely low, 0 points for Mechanical, Body and Charisma, 1 point for Cooking and Logic and his second best skill, Cleaning, has only 3 points. The same situation can be observed in Vidcund’s and Lazlo’s, except their strong suits are Logic and Cooking respectively.

Huge discrepancies within performance in different cognitive areas is a common trait found in those on the autism spectrum. We’re often talking extremes here and the scale of the difference is the defining factor. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, it’s just in neurodivergent people those tend to be unusually noticeable.

I think that skills, simplified as they are, are the closest The Sims has to possibly simulate that because they track the character’s performance and expertise in different areas and allow comparison. In real life, of course, this comparison is not nearly as possible and exact, nor desired, but for all our analysis-loving enthusiasm, here we’re still talking fictional characters.

3: Struggle with social cues

It is widely known that one of autistic traits are difficulties with processing social situations, picking social cues and successfully replicating socially desired behavioral patterns.

But these three are Sims, are they not? They cannot possibly display this trait, since they’re programmed the same way as others.

Yes and no.

It is true that there is no specific in-game feature that would allow Sims to behave with explicit neurodivergency in mind* but with the right combination of traits they can simulate behavior that really hits close to home for neurodivergent players.

*at least not in TS2, TS3 has traits that simulate some possible neurodivergencies but their names tend to be rather... ableist unfortunate and they’re not relevant to this post since they’re not autism related, and even if they were, we’re focusing on TS2 exclusively

Let’s take look at Lazlo here. He is, indeed, a playful soul. He likes to goof around, tell jokes, make others laugh. And since he’s very close to his brother Vidcund, close enough even to Tell Dirty Joke (an interaction that needs quite a high relationship to unlock), he autonomously does just that.

And oh boy, does Vidcund disapprove.

From my personal experience playing them, their relationship usually takes quite a hit from every cheeky joke Lazlo throws Vid’s way. They usually autonomously repair it very quick but it happens often.

But that’s a standard behavior. Vidcund’s very serious, he doesn’t take well to jokes.

No. I mean technically yes, Vid is definitely a grumpy old plant dad but, at least in my game, he tends to accept Lazlo’s jokes. All kinds of them, actually, except for the dirty ones. And Pascal, who technically has even lower Playful points (0 in comparison to Vidcund’s 4), doesn’t seem to mind Lazlo’s poor attempts at grown-up humor.

But! What is it that makes Lazlo try still? What drives him to attempt to make Vidcund laugh with a dirty joke over and over again? (and fail?)

I my interpretation, Lazlo doesn’t do that on purpose, he is just really poor at evaluating “dirtiness” of a given joke and frequently misinterprets Vidcund’s cues. The animation of a dirty joke being rejected even supports that as Vid doesn’t signal his discomfort with any exaggerated easy-to-read facial expression until Lazlo gets to his punchline.

No only that but as I mentioned, the invisible lines between spicy and too vulgar are often hard to thread. I can recall many times I thought I was saying a witty quip on an “adult” topic and was met with awkward silence or someone shushing me because “that’s not how you speak in public”. I can well imagine myself in Lazlo’s shoes.

A situation of social cues being misinterpreted or ignored can be observed also in Vidcund. Programming-wise, those are just his low Niceness and extreme Shyness showing but combined they again paint a picture of a very neurodivergent-looking behavioral pattern.

He often behaves like the concept of politeness or social rules doesn’t exist because the combination of the aforementioned traits makes him come off very blunt (lecturing and shoving telescope-peepers with no warning whatsoever) and distant (having a high chance of rejecting simple small-talk socials).

(That’s Jasmine Rai casting the “Summon Vidcund” spell.)

Yes, I am fully aware that it makes a stronger case for him being an a**hole than autistic but... there’s no reason he can’t be both. Not all autistic people are sweet cinnamon buns, all personalities you can think of can be neurodiverse and, for some their neurodiversity can even amplify their inconsiderate ways, as I believe it is the case with our dear grouch Vidcund.

4. Their bios

“No matter what happens, Pascal believes there is a logical explanation for everything. In his free time, he practices home psychoanalysis and collects conspiracy theories.”

(that’s how I imagine practicing psychoanalysis looks like, sorry Freud)

“Serious and exact, Vidcund strives to fit the universe into a nice tidy package. He has an unnatural fondness for African violets.”

(let’s collectively pretend those are African violets)

“Not as studious as his older brothers, Lazlo got his degree in Phrenology. He likes to call phone psychics and spends hours trying to bend forks with his mind.”

*error: screenshot of Lazlo bending forks not found*

(but here he is hanging out with Erin Beaker, the closest thing to “calling phone psychics” you can actually do in-game)

Both Pascal’s and Vidcund’s bios point to a pattern-focused worldview with a strong emphasis on rationality as the center-point that anchors the way they understand the world around them and build their principles on. This “pattern-ization” of thinking is a common autistic trait, with rationality being a popular theme because emotions tend to be difficult to access and asses for many of us.

Lazlo’s biography is an outlier. But it still has something significant in common with those of his brothers: All three of their bios allude to a potential special interest of sorts.

Special interests as an autism-related term are very specific, in-depth and long-term hobbies or areas of expertise that make an autistic person happy and they tend to go to seemingly exhausting lengths, often at the cost of other areas of knowledge and most likely the person’s ability to talk about anything else for a long enough time. (a loving hyperbole, no disrespect meant) Mine are my characters and cats. An even more intense but a short(er)-term passion is called a hyperfixation.

Them potentially having a special interest is yet another possible autistic-coded feature.

5. Wait. Why does it matter?

Right. What does it matter if a Sim (A SIM) (or two or three) is autistic? What do I hope to achieve, pushing my autistic Curiouses agenda down your throats?

I got to write a long rant-piece about some of my favorite TS characters and I feel like I can finally die satisfied.

Apart from that and me sharing my happiness of finding some good pixels I can relate to, it is a matter of representation.

Remember by the very beginning I wrote how most of the representation our community gets in media tends to be just a one specific type of character?

And how the Curious brothers seem to fit the stereotype to a point?

There is something I omitted, something I saved for the last on purpose.

The role. The role in their story, the role in the society the piece of media portrays.

We often see neurodiverse, autistic or autistic-coded character as children, students, villains, lone savants, victims in distress, comedic relief sidekicks, either very vulnerable and needing protection, or detached and having their role defined only by their academic prowess or their special interest/profession.

What we rarely get to see them as, are... parents.

That’s what many of us autistics are or plan to be someday in the future. The dogma around autism has started to dwindle relatively recently and there are little to no examples of autistic adults being the care-givers for once in the media around us.

The Curious brothers are just that. They are chaotic, they are eccentric, they can be a little too much... but they are dutiful and loving fathers/uncles to their little aliens they raise.

They make it work. Even if they face difficulties, even if they don’t exactly fit the standard.

“Sometimes, a family truly can be three brothers raising alien babies, and it’s beautiful.”

It encourages us to define family by love rather than traditional structures and it shows us that portrait of a functional neurodiverse family we need to see.

And goodness, is it a powerful sight.

[zims-left-shoe]

I'd about this stuff but zim x reader where reader has to introduce zim to family and its awkward and fluffy?!?! Did I do that correctly??

AAAA yes!! This prompt actually works perfectly. Ily bby!! I really need to get back on Insta and Snap so we can talk more lmao.

Romance. What even is it? You could never say for sure, and yet you had been playing the courtship expert for about a month or so. What else were you supposed to do? Not only would he not take no for an answer, it was a fine way to kill your boredom. He had zero expectations, which was what made it great. You could tell him anything and he would believe it. Boyfriends were supposed to do their s/o's homework for them? He never questioned it once. To be completely honest, he was the only reason you were passing chemistry and calculus. 

That being said, at the end of the day, it was all one big game. Wasn't it? All he had asked of you was to be his 'lovepig' in a romantic experiment he was conducting. You had nothing else better to do, and hell, it wasn't like you needed to be keeping your options open. You were just as unpopular as the alien freak himself. So, why not? Wasn't it just some mutualistic dynamic? You both benefited from it. He got 'data' (the accuracy of it questionable) for his Earth infiltration, and you got to have some fun. Plus, there was the fact that you haven't touched a homework assignment in weeks.

These were all things you had told yourself. You had managed to explain away all the times you had defended him from Dib and your classmates as being all part of the experiment. If there was a deeper reason, like real feelings perhaps, you didn't want to consider it too much. This relationship was intended to be one big joke after all. 

"Y/n? Hello?" A hand was waved in front of your face, ripping you from your thoughts and reflections. 

"Huh? Did you say something?" You tore your gaze from the plate of uneaten food that sat before you, eyes dragging up to meet those of your father. The man next to him groaned; your other father. You loved them both, but they were both staring at you with slightly annoyed frustration. They particularly disliked when you would space out while they were talking to you, which apparently they had been.

"Yes, I did. I said, when do we get to meet the boyfriend?" The one you called Father spoke; he was your biological sire, and the one you tended to get annoyed with the most. Genetics, you supposed. You were too much alike, and thus you butted heads often.

"Zim? I dunno." Shrugging, you picked at the dinner on your plate with your fork. It was a response that you hoped would suffice, despite knowing full well you had no intentions of ever introducing the Irken soldier for obvious reasons. Having lived with you for so long, they both knew what your response meant. At first, you assumed they'd only sigh and move on, but that wouldn't be the case. 

"We really want to meet him. We've given it a month, but I think it's time that we finally see him." Your father spoke again, voice firmer than the last time.

"I know you said he's...er, unique, but we promise we won't think anything of it. So long as he's good to you, it doesn't matter." The one you called Dad chimed in, a kind smile on his face. You knew he wasn't just saying that, and that he meant it. He was probably the nicest person you had ever met, and you were thankful to have him in your life.

That being said, you couldn't help but scoff at what was said, particularly the last line. Good to you? Zim was probably the most selfish person you had ever met in your life. Still, he did provide you with a source of entertainment. And if you worded things the right way, he would do anything you wanted him to. He was surprisingly easy to manipulate. 

"What's so funny?" 

"Nothing, Dad. But, no. I don't think you'll be meeting him." You expected that to be the end of it, bringing a forkful of dinner to your lips. 

"Y/n M/n L/n, you will bring your boyfriend home within the next week or else you won't be seeing him ever again." Eyes widening in surprise, your fork clattered against your plate as it slipped through your fingers. You would never have predicted your father to become so agitated over this. On some level, you supposed he was just looking out for you, wanting to make sure that Zim was a decent guy and all that. But at the same time, it was annoying. Did he not trust you to handle yourself? Plus, you were almost certain they wouldn't be satisfied upon actually meeting Zim. 

You remained silent. What you should have done was once again shrug your shoulders and say, 'fine'. Your relationship wasn't even supposed to be real, just some experiment that didn't matter too much to either of you. So why should you care if they forced you to break up because you wouldn't bring him home? And yet...you found yourself devastated at the mere thought of that. Was it because you enjoyed the absence of boredom? That had to be it. It couldn't possibly be because you had developed feelings for the little roach...no way. 

"You either bring him home for dinner Friday night, or-" Your father pressed, and you slammed your palm on the table before he could continue.

"Fine, okay!" Glaring at your food, you were no longer hungry. You just wanted dinner to be over. "May I be excused?" You asked, voice still seething with attitude. They both waved you off, so you took your plate and covered it, putting it in the fridge for later. Storming off to your room, you supposed you shared more similarities with your 'boyfriend' than you'd like to admit. You both had quick tempers for one thing, but you both liked being in control for another. You were about to get a rude awakening soon enough; you weren't keeping your feelings and relationships in check as much as you thought.

(more under the cut)

-

There were several ways your peers, if asked, would describe you. Nice, however, was not particularly one of them. It wasn't that you weren't a good person deep down. You just preferred to make yourself your number one priority, even if it turned you into a little bit of a bitch in the process. It was much easier than taking the risk of offering yourself up to others. After all, who really wants to deal with untangling the mess of emotions? Ignoring everything was the safest thing to do. Considering that, it wasn't surprising that you and Zim had been drawn together. They say opposites attract, but you found it to work almost the same for those who are similar. 

After all, Zim was also a big supporter of suppressing all emotions, so much so that you were sure he forgot he even had any. And maybe he didn't. You didn't think it was possible, considering he was still pretty much a person, but at the same time, you never asked about Irken psychology.

Not only that, but Zim seemed to care only for himself at all times. Even in the times he would do anything that vaguely resembled an act of love, it still had everything to do with his own personal motivations of gaining human courtship data. 

With all of that on the table, plus the fact that you weren't really sure what the status of your relationship even was, you weren't expecting you would be bringing him home for dinner Friday. What you envisioned happening was for him to call this whole thing off once you gave him the ultimatum, claiming that he had enough research so you would be through.

And again, there was that small wave of anxiety that passed over you. For whatever reason, you didn't want to lose whatever it was the two of you had going on. You had grown used to having someone to talk to everyday, even if the majority of conversation was listening to him drone on about his evil plans to conquer the Earth in the name of the Irken empire. Frowning, you glanced down to whatever toxic food substance was sitting on your tray. 

The surrounding cafeteria was filled with the chatter of your classmates, all rambling about mostly unimportant things. You had your popular kids laughing and running their own psychoanalysis on Dib, who in turn ignored them from across the room while his sister played video games by his side. You also had your social outcasts, sitting by themselves and discussing whatever they liked to talk about; well, Gretchen wasn't exactly talking. She chose to occupy her time by staring at Dib, who in turn ignored her too. Same shit as always. 

The din of irrelevant voices and clattering plates barely did anything to mask the forceful footsteps approaching your table, ones that could only be brought about by a soldier's march. Whether it was because you had grown so used to the sound or you were so wrapped up in your mind, the noise didn't register with you until a tray was harshly dropped onto the table.

"Why do you look like that?" The alien now sitting across from you asked, with a hint of something that at first you thought was distaste, but later recognized to be Zim's version of concern. Which was strange in itself, concern for others was always an afterthought for him, sometimes not even a thought at all.

"Like what?"

"All shmoopy." You narrowed your eyes, about to give a remark of denial, but whatever words died in your throat as you instinctively straightened up from your slouch, lips straightening from downturned into a neutral expression.

Breathing out a sigh, you decided to just get straight to the point before he would go off on a tangent about whatever thing Dib said in class that offended him. "Look, Zim. You need to come over for dinner Friday night, or else our relationship, experiment, whatever the hell it is, is over." Zim opened his mouth to say something, but you continued on before he could get even a single syllable out. "I know you don't want to, and believe me, you embarrassing yourself in front of my family is the last thing I want, but my parents are demanding to meet you. And if they don't, they're forbidding me from seeing you again or whatever." 

The Irken stayed quiet for a moment, thinking this over. To you, you guessed that his silence was him formulating some great break up speech in his head, so you braced for it. Why you even cared was beyond you, but it was still not what you wanted. "First of all, Zim will not embarrass himself!" You fixed him with a disbelieving look. There was no chance in any of the infinite parallel universes that he would not make a complete fool of himself. "But FINE! Zim will conquer this...interrogation."

Rolling your eyes, you attempted to fight the grin tugging at your lips. "It's not an interrogation, roach boy."

He disregarded your comment, clearly no longer listening. Instead, he hopped up onto the table, heeled soldier boots striking the tabletop, the sound echoing off the cafeteria walls. "Zim will be the best love-mate your parental units have ever laid eyes on!!" He yelled, throwing his fists in the air. Shrinking into yourself, you covered your face with your arms, face burning from the heads that were all turning in your direction to stare.

"Please don't say it like that." After a moment, Zim climbed back down and into his seat on the bench. Your classmates quickly lost interest, as these outbursts were commonplace. Eventually, you came out of your self cocoon to lay some very specific instructions on him. "Okay, cool. I need you to listen very carefully."

"Eh?" He snapped his attention back to you. Groaning, you reached across the tabled to grab his hand, your go to move to make sure he listened to you.

"Come over Friday at six. The whole time, just smile and nod. Don't say anything more than necessary. Just get by with the bare minimum, and then go home. Do you understand?" You looked to him with an intense look in your eyes. You knew that if you were not explicitly clear, the night could end in disaster. House-exploding, alien death battle kind of disaster. 

"Of course I do! Don't worry your stinky head, Zim has it under control." He dropped your hand, waving you off, overconfident as always. 

"Alright...I'm trusting you." You didn't trust him in the slightest. But there was really nothing you would be capable of doing. You had instructed him, very specifically you might add, and that was all you could do. And hope. You would be hoping too. With one last relenting sigh, you had no time to process the relief that came with the surprise of not being broken up with. Whatever relaxation you had briefly felt was immediately replaced by dread for Friday.

-

You laid sprawled on the couch, staring at the ceiling and drumming your fingers on your stomach. You really hoped that Zim would take your advice and behave himself over the course of the next few hours, but in the back of your mind, you knew that to be impossible. The house had been quiet, save for the clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen as your dad worked on dinner. Meanwhile, your father was just finishing tidying up the house, despite you telling him that it didn't matter. You told him that Zim wouldn't care, but the real reason it didn't matter is it probably would end up in worse shape regardless. His response had been to ignore you as he continued to wipe down surfaces you forgot existed. 

Right at six o'clock on the dot, your doorbell rang. You bolted up right, scrambling to reach the door faster than your father. Unfortunately, you weren't quite quick enough to match his long-legged stride, and he threw open the door just as you had the doorway within your sights. You had to skid to a halt in order to stop yourself from slamming into your father's back. 

"You must be Zim." Your father's voice was firm, but not threatening. At least not yet. You peered around him to get a good look at Zim, who, to your relief, was smiling and nodding. You stifled the laugh that was brought on at the sight of a simple black bow tie that was tied very incorrectly around his neck. It was a strange sight, considering it didn't quite fit with the standard invader uniform he always adorned. 

Your father stepped aside to let him in, sticking his hand out afterwards, prompting the Irken to shake it. Zim gazed at it quizzically, apparently not understanding what to do. Just as you were about to bestow a helpful hint, his face brightened as he kicked his leg up, resting his foot in your father's hand. He still seemed to be processing the motivations behind Zim's actions, but before he could respond, you grabbed ahold of Zim's leg, yanking it back onto the ground. The invader stumbled, and before he could fall, you threw an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in close and poking his cheek.

"Oh, Zim, what a jokester! Anyway, we'll be off now, call when dinner's ready-" You tried to drag your alien counterpart away before he could do anything else stupid, but unfortunately, your father had other plans.

"No, I don't think so." Although his voice was less than pleased, you knew he was just trying to put up an intimidating front. He wanted to scare Zim at least a little bit. Groaning, you turned around. "So, you think this whole thing is one big joke, huh?"

"Father, please-" You rolled your eyes, knowing that Zim was too dense to actually be pressured by your father's act. 

"You do drugs? Ever been suspended?"

"I thought you said this wasn't an interrogation." Zim muttered to you, and although it was intended to only be heard by you, Zim is physically incapable of speaking under his breath, and thus your father heard it too. You thought he was more fazed by Zim being unaffected by his grill attempts than what was actually said. 

"What's with the...you know?" Your father decided to ignore Zim's comment and go right for the green elephant in the room: Zim's appearance. In all honesty, it was a rude question. But, Zim was used to it by now.

"We talked about this! It's a skin condition!" You sighed in exasperation, just wanting to get through this night with your sanity intact. "Also, you can't just ask people that." There was an awkward pause between everybody, and you almost wished Zim would start screaming about something not even relevant.

Luckily, you didn't have to stew in silence for much longer. "Dinner's ready, come get it or don't!" Your dad called from the table. You gestured for Zim to follow you as you shuffled after your father, whose strides were quick and long, making it hard to keep up at a normal pace. Both parents had sat down, you following suit across from them. Zim, however, stayed standing, eyes fixated on the plate and glass of water resting on the table in front of the chair next to you. You hoped he was sensible enough to just ignore the food and sit there politely. 

"You can sit down, you know." Your father eyed Zim skeptically. The invitation to take a seat seemed to snap Zim out of his trance, as he sat down so fast he bumped the table, making the silverware shake. He finally appeared to take notice of your parents, and pointed a clawed finger across the table.

"It's like my Tallest!" His grin was wide, and his contacts portrayed his excitement. Your parents, on the other hand, looked to be beyond confused. You didn't exactly blame Zim for the association, considering both were tall males, and his comment made you notice that they were coincidentally wearing hues of red and purple. "I didn't know you had your own Tallest." 

"Who?" Your dad asked, eyes flicking between you and your uninformed alien boyfriend. You gave Zim a swift swat to his thigh under the table, intending to convey the message of 'what happened to smiling and nodding?'. He seemed to understand your intention, and answered your dad's question by cracking a smile and nodding furiously. Internally, you were smacking yourself in the face as both parents stared at you as if they were wondering whether or not Zim was higher than a fucking kite. The dinner so far was going fantastic. At least he hadn't caused any physical damage yet.

Your father cleared his throat, deciding to move on. "So, Zim...what are your plans after high school?" Thank god, a subject change. That being said, your relief only lasted about a half a second before you realized he didn't have any answers to this type of question, and he was horrible at bullshitting. 

"Um...oh, you know...stuff." Zim took a fork and began to experimentally stab at the food that was on his plate. "Sciency stuff." He tacked on those words, sensing your father not being satisfied with his original answer.

"Like what, doing an internship at Membrane Labs or something?" Your father continued to ask questions, but at this point you were helpless to stop him. Zim was on his own. 

"Yes!" Your father seemed to not believe Zim's confirmation, so you decided to help him out.

"Yeah, he's actually really good friends with Dib. You know, the Professor's son." You offered, albeit a stretch of the truth. The two knew each other very well, and, well, enemies after enough time are basically friends anyway. 

"Yes...the Dib-worm is my best friend." Zim spoke through gritted teeth, and you prayed that your parents wouldn't pick up on the venom seeping into every syllable. 

"You have any siblings?" Your dad asked, gaze less critical than the man next to him.

"No." His answer was short, almost as if he was attempting to speedrun the questions to get this dinner over with faster. Unfortunately, your parents would only fill it with more questions. Any attempt to stop them would be futile. 

"Where are you from exactly?" 

"Somewhere that isn't here. Eh, uh, er...it's very far. You wouldn't know it." Your father raised an eyebrow, growing tired of Zim's evasive and nonspecific responses. In a shocking turn of events, Zim was actually able to read the room for once in his life, picking up on your parents' distrust. "Wow, is this good food or what?" Before you could squeak out a single sound, Zim began to shovel the food on his plate into his mouth as fast as he could, washing it down by chugging the glass of water.

This of course sent you into a panic. You reached out an arm, to do what you weren't sure, but you never made contact. Instead, your hand hovered in the air as you gawked at Zim in bewilderment. He wasn't smoking, flailing, or screaming. In fact, he was taking it quite well. Everything seemed to be okay, and even he seemed to be surprised. His face relaxed into a smile when he realized that nothing was trying to kill him from the inside. Which, if that was what he had expected, you weren't quite sure what his plan had been in the first place, but you knew better than to question him. Questioning Zim only led to long rants that no one had the energy or the willpower to listen to. 

"Thank you-" Your dad's gratitude was cut off by Zim's ear piercing shriek as he dropped to the ground, knocking aside his chair in the process. He thrashed about like a fish out of water as he clawed desperately at his throat and face. Apparently, the delayed reaction had kicked in. His ear-piercing screeches were chopped up by choking and spluttering as he continued to kick and flounder his limbs around wildly. Looking up from the Irken rolling around on the ground to your parents, you noticed that they looked absolutely petrified. 

"He's fine! He'll be fine!" You waved your hands desperately, despite knowing full well they would never believe you. As if to accentuate the incorrectness of your statement, Zim howled out another cry of pain, the sound twisting your face into a cringe. At once, your parents clambered out of their seats, stumbling over each other to get to your side of the table. Your dad kneeled down next to Zim and tried to help him, completely at a loss for what was going on. Meanwhile, your father grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you off around the corner to the kitchen.

As you're being hauled away, you hear a distant "Should I call 911?" from your dad. 

As soon as you were out of ear shot of your suffering boyfriend, your father whisper yelled at you. "What the hell is wrong with him?!"

Again, you felt the need to defend him. It wasn't his fault that his alien biology couldn't handle Earth food, and that he didn't understand Earth culture too well. Okay, maybe that last one was his fault considering he's been on the planet for about four years and blending in was kind of his job. But still! "Look, I promise he's a decent guy once you get to know him."

"He's strange, Y/n! Not in the good way, in a concerning way." He hissed to you, never dropping eye contact. 

"He's just a little different is all!"

"A little different?! He's dying in our dining room!" Suppressing the urge to say, 'you mean our die-ning room?', you took a deep breath, preparing to explain away the probably traumatizing situation your parents were witnessing.

"He has a biological condition that makes it to where he can't a majority of foods." You thought that maybe that statement would calm him down, but it only seemed to worry him more.

"Jesus, Y/n, you couldn't have told us about the dietary restrictions before you brought him over? We almost just killed him!" Running a hand through his hair, he watched as you cast your eyes toward the ground, wringing your hands together. You knew he was right. It was something you should have thought of saying beforehand, you should have just told Zim to bring some Irken food along. But you had expected him to not even think about touching the food. And yet, you had just watched as he scarfed down almost the entire plate and a whole glass of water. 

"Sorry! But...would you please just give him another chance?" You pleaded, voice sweeter than you had ever sounded in your life. 

With a heavy sigh, your father nodded, waving you in the direction of the dining room. "Fine, if he doesn't need to go to the hospital, he can stay for the movie if he wants to. Just go hang out upstairs while we clean up" Your smile displayed your thanks as you made your way back to the scene of the accident. Things seemed to be alright now. If anything, your dad was more shaken up than Zim was. The Irken was standing again, pretending as if nothing happened.

"C'mon." You said nothing more as you took him by the hand, pulling him towards your room. He didn't protest, glad to be away from your dad who had been continuing to fuss over him. As you shut the door to your room behind you, the solace that came with knowing he was okay completely drained from your body. "What the hell was that?!" You smacked him lightly on the arm. He should know better than to consume food that would cause his insides to sizzle and smoke. Apparently, he seemed to still think that had been an ingenious idea.

"Zim was trying to show them that I am a good candidate for your love partner!" Your eyes widened, astonished on multiple levels. He really was a special kind of clueless, wasn't he?

"That was not the way! And why do you even care? I thought this was just some stupid experiment? Why should you care if this whole thing ends, you can just find someone else!" Throwing your hands up, your voice raised in volume, fire licking every word.

"Because Zim doesn't want someone else! Zim wants you, Stinky...Stink-worm." His voice had matched yours in loudness at first, but near the end of his words he grew quieter, arms crossed tightly against his chest, eyes averted in curt sheepishness. If Irkens could blush, you were sure he would be.

Any follow up argument you possessed had fled your brain, the only thing replacing it being the slight heat that flushed your cheeks. "Zim...are you saying that you actually...like me?" You were surprised, but pleasantly so. Now that you had to force yourself to think on it, you had realized that somewhere along the way, you began to like the roach boy more than you care to admit. It was a bit irritating to dwell on, considering this whole arrangement was, in the end, supposed to be no strings attached. He got his data, you had something to fill your time. Life has a funny way of panning things out, regardless of your intentions. 

"Zim is saying nothing!" His eyes were shut tight, a sign you could interpret as confirmation to your question. Neither of you would admit it, nor ever wanted to. That was the unfortunate downside to both sides of the equation having destructively low EQs. 

Even if you wanted to press him more, you were interrupted by your parents calling you for the movie. Sighing, it seemed you would have to shelve this conversation for a later date, which was fine by you. Feelings were messy and complicated anyway. "Let's go, roach boy." Zim followed without complaint, and as soon as you both came into view, your parents hit play on the film, which you instantly recognized as E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, something you had seen a million times. It had been your movie of choice as a kid. "Topical." You murmured under your breath, directing Zim to the couch. 

Your parents seemed impressed to see Zim alive and well, acting as if he hadn't been borderline dying on the dining room floor less than twenty minutes ago. "We've seen this about a hundred times, we know how it ends. You two have fun." Your father smiled to the both of you. Apparently, he actually listened to you and was giving Zim the benefit of the doubt.

"But not too much fun." Your dad added helpfully, but of course the implications of his comment flew right over Zim's head. 

"Anyway, if we don't see you before you leave, it was nice to meet you, Zim. Sorry for almost killing you." Your father didn't wait for a response--which he most likely wouldn't have gotten anyway--before heading to bed with your dad, most likely to watch something of their own. Your parents flicked the lights off as they exited, leaving the room dark, save for the light being thrown from the TV, as well as a soft glow coming from Zim's PAK. You had never noticed that before, but it made sense, considering this was the first time you had seen him in the dark before.

"You might like this. It's about an alien who comes to Earth. Well, more like gets stranded on Earth." 

"Hmm." Zim peered at the screen with interest, but began to frantically rub at his eyes, blinking repeatedly. Before you could even ask if he was okay, he snapped a tired response. "Contacts are bothering Zim." 

"Just take 'em out." He attempted to fix you with a distrusting stare, but it was broken by another stint of scratching. "They won't be coming back out, at least not before you leave. You'll be fine." You sank into the couch cushions, the darkness and familiarity of a favorite movie easing you into a contented state.

"Fine. But Zim is blaming you if you're wrong, Stink-worm." With speed and skill, he peeled the lenses from his eyes, stowing them in his PAK, which didn't seem all that sanitary. He blinked a few more times, but seemed comfortable. You directed your attention to the TV screen, but it was snapped away again at the feeling of weight settling on your thigh. Looking down, you saw Zim's head casually laid on your leg, eyes fixated on the movie. "Say anything and I'm replacing your organs with space squids." Zim grumbled, still not looking at you. 

"That's not very nice." You snickered through your words. You knew his threat was empty, and you weren't exactly a stranger to outlandish warnings yourself.

The Irken groaned, still not moving. "Ugh, fine. Say anything, and I'll, eh, lick your face or something." You said nothing more, arm resting lazily on his side, hand hanging near his own. Out of his own volition, he intertwined his claws with your fingers, almost daring you to say something. You didn't.

As the movie progressed, you could tell Zim was a hundred percent into it. That being said, when it came time for the scenes of Elliot and E.T. dying and being treated by the government, you felt Zim grip you a little tighter. You were beginning to wonder if you should turn it off. You were only encouraged in that thought when you felt Zim's back tremble, and although you couldn't see his face, you believed him to be crying.

You reached out your free hand for the remote, but stopped at the sound of Zim's uncharacteristically shaky voice. "Do-don't." You drew back your free hand, the other hand being tucked closer into Zim's chest. A sigh slipped past your lips, and you lifted him up and set him on the ground while he swiped at his eyes so you could kick your legs up and across the couch, reaching out to grab him and lay him on top of you before he could even begin to protest about being moved.

"You okay?" You asked, expecting a fight about being placed in this position. 

To your amazement, he didn't squirm off of you at all, instead, saying a simple "Yes." He even cuddled into you, head resting on your chest as he watched the film. This was the calmest you had ever seen the normally high-energy alien. A hand began to absentmindedly stroke his back, the texture of the fabric of his uniform unlike any you had ever felt. At first you were at a loss for what the rumbling against your chest was, but after a moment you were able to place it. Purrs were rising from Zim's throat, and although it was reminiscent of a cat, it was still a sound that was distinctly alien. It was a noise you had never heard before.

"For the record, I like you. A lot." You murmured quietly, hoping he was too enthralled by the movie to register what was said. Regrettably for you, Zim only seemed to listen when you wished him not to.

"Zim also thinks you are quite tolerable...for an Earth-worm."

"Gee, thanks. I feel so special." Despite your words, there was still a smile in your voice. At this point, the movie was past it's tearjerker moments, and the kids were all trying to get E.T. back to the forest. "So, do Irkens have a thing like E.T., where they connect with someone?" The syncing of Elliot and E.T.'s biological functions, emotions, and thoughts was a main plot point in the movie, and it got you wondering if maybe there was some accuracy, if not with Irkens, perhaps with another alien race?

"Sort of." His answer was unfocused, still drawn into the end of the film. You guessed this would be his new favorite Earth movie, which meant he would most certainly be demanding for you two to watch it together at least twice a month. 

"What do you mean, ‘sort of’?"

"We mate for life." He paused while you were still processing his statement. "But I don't think that was the connection you were asking about."

"Oh brother." You mumbled, deciding to toss that information out the window. Good to know that you wouldn't be getting of the roach anytime soon...or ever. 

[a-simple-lee]

Lunch break

Description: A quiet day in the BAU doesn’t always mean a peaceful one, especially when Reid’s around.

Author’s note: my first criminal minds fic because @squirmycuddles made me start watching and I immediately noticed the Spencer tword potential and. Well, I had to write something. Hopefully I’ll write a few more fics in the future, energy levels permitting 

__________________________________________________

   It’s almost midday. You can finish documenting this case before then, you’re sure of it, but there are a couple of pages missing from the paperwork. You glance across the office; Reid will have spares, probably - he’s spinning back and forth in his chair, and he looks a little absorbed with the book he’s reading. Hopefully he won’t mind if you ask.

   You stride over to his desk, holding the incomplete file, and poke his shoulder; but he swings in the opposite direction at the last second, so you end up missing and nudging his collarbone instead. The detective immediately lets out a small squeak, shoulder hunching up to protect his neck. 

“Hey-oh. Sorry, sorry, Spencer.”

He gives you a halfhearted glare. “You know I’m ticklish.”

“Well, yes, but it was an accident. Promise.”

“Alright. What do you need?”

   Lunch break rolls around, and you manage to get everything done in time, texting Elle and the rest of the day’s field team to inform them of your progress. Morgan leaves to buy his lunch, offering to pick you up something on the way, and you’re left alone with Reid. 

   You spend a couple of minutes absorbed in your computer, going through your emails, but there’s nothing new. Just as you’re settling into the quiet that comes with a less crowded office, someone pokes your side, and you do a terrible job of concealing your flinch away from them; it’s Reid. He’s stood by your desk, holding a mug of coffee. You try to school your expression from a surprised grin into a faux-irritated smirk. 

“Do you mind?”

“Sorry.” He smiles, not at all sorry. “I was going to ask if you wanted a coffee.”

“Ah-you-what?” The words don’t come out quite right. You’re still trying to pick yourself up after having your concentration broken. 

“Coffee?”

“I’m alright, thanks,” You pause, observing Spencer’s face for a second. “...That wasn’t an accident, was it?”

Spencer frowns. “It was, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Seems you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. “Oh. Oh that’s fine, sorry, yeah, it’s okay.”

“What do you mean accident-?”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing, I misunderstood.” Uh oh. You move to leave your desk, stepping around Reid and panicking when you realise you have no excuse to be leaving the table. In your haste, you pick up an empty mug and hope that moving it to the squad of other empty mugs on the opposite end of the desk doesn’t look like a poorly disguised escape attempt.

“Were you talking about earlier? Did you think I was trying to...oh. Are you ticklish?”

“...The BAU doesn’t need another target for that. They’ve already got you.”

“So you are?”

Sirens are blaring in your head. Your mind rushes through the potential ways the conversation could go. If you say no, there’s a chance he’ll drop the subject. But do you want that to happen? Saying yes would be willingly backing yourself into a corner. “Uh.”

That moment of hesitation is the only excuse Reid needs to reach out and tweak your side. It earns him a jolt and a bitten-back yelp. He grins. “that’ll be a yes, then.”

“Spencer…” Your hands raise up, palms outwards, to keep distance between the two of you.

Before you can start backing away, Spencer’s there, stepping behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist in a hug, hands swiftly latching onto your sides and squeezing. You get about two words into a strangled protest before your nervous system catches up with him, and the rest of the sentence dissolves into laughter.

“You know, for someone with mandatory self defence training, that was a pretty terrible attempt to stop me.” There’s a note of smugness in Reid’s voice that makes a blush start to spread up your neck. He darts his fingers up to your ribs, hooking his index fingers towards the back of your rib cage, thumbs planted more towards the front, and squeezes again, eliciting a squeal from you.

“Wait, wait-this is not fair-” Your knees are getting weaker by the second, and despite your efforts to squirm out of Reid’s grip, you remain trapped.

“Sure it’s fair. If you’re referring to our physical abilities, I mean- you’ve got the same amount of training as I have, and the same experience. Now, I am taller than you, but that hardly affects the fairness of this specific situation. I’d say we’re pretty much on a level playing field here.” He pauses to zone in on a spot near one of your ribs that makes you snort. Your hands fly up from batting at his to cover your face. 

“Reid-” you start, voice bordering on a whine, “Please-”

“Hm. I don’t think you’ve finished a single sentence in the past five minutes.” 

You reluctantly bring your hands away from your face to speak, trying your utmost not to let giggles interrupt the words. “So...so what?” 

“So, you’re getting increasingly embarrassed. Blushing, stammering, increased pauses between words, use of fillers like “uh” or “uhm”. You’re thinking a lot about what to say before you say it.” He spiders over your stomach and you almost fall backwards into him.

“Oh, you are not profiling me.”

“Eh, it’s light psychoanalysis at most,” Reid grins, going right back to where he left off. “You hardly did anything to stop me coming behind you, so either I got lucky or you weren’t trying to get away. Also, you just hold onto my wrists rather than pushing me away. Third, you haven’t once told me to stop, which leads me to believe you don’t actually want me to. Simply put, you like being tickled.”

“Spencer!” He’s slowed down a little bit, but your thoughts are still too much of a mess to form a proper sentence, and his occasional pinches to specific spots on your sides have you laughing intermittently. 

“It makes sense, when you think about it. Tickling is frequently seen as a way of bonding, and can be viewed as a form of physical affection. Both physical affection and laughter supply a decent amount of endorphins to the brain, so a need for some sort of combination of the two doesn’t seem too far fetched, especially for individuals who are touch-starved. That, and it’s...actually kind of cute.”

“Don’t-” You break off when you realise your voice was definitely a little whiney this time. 

“Don’t what?” He drills his thumbs into a spot near your hip and you break out into hysterics.

“You’re embarrassing me.”

He has the nerve to tut. “I know. But it’s not very difficult.”

“Oi!”

“You’re not exactly subtle about it. For example, you cringe slightly when I say the word “tickle”, and, and earlier, you covered your face for a solid thirty seconds after snorting. You’re embarrassed about your own reactions.”

“I did not snort!” It’s ridiculous to deny, but Reid’s too quick, and you’re too embarrassed, so you just start clutching at straws.

“Sure you did,” His hands reenact their earlier movements, and much to your dismay, you hear yourself snort again. “Just like that.”

“Okay-okay, point taken!” You feel him repeat the motion again, and do your best not to give him the specific reaction he’s looking for, instead falling into silent laughter. “Spehencer!”

He takes that as a signal to back off, finally letting you go from his hug and patting you on the shoulder. You lean back against a nearby desk, and take a second to catch your breath.

“That was unnecessary.”

“Not unwanted.” Spencer counters, looking smug as anything. 

“I never said you were right.”

“You never said I was wrong.”

You let out a huff. “Oh, just...Forget it, c’mon.”

He sighs dramatically, giving a slight shake of his head. “Eidetic memory, sorry. Can’t.”

“Rude.” You pick up a file from the desk and try to swat at him with it, but he’s already bounding away towards his own workspace. Just as you give up trying to hit him with it, Morgan walks back in through the door. 

“Hello.” He nudges the door shut with his foot and quirks an eyebrow at you brandishing a file in the middle of the office.

“Oh, hey. Get your lunch alright?” Spencer doesn’t look up from his coffee. It’s probably cold.

Derek holds up a paper bag and puts it on his desk, glancing at you as he takes out a smoothie, then two boxes of food.

“You look hot, you alright? Want me to open a window?” 

“Do I? I’m...fine,” You reply, realising your blush probably hasn’t quite faded yet. “Don’t worry, that’s. It’s fine.” 

“Sure?”

“Yep.” You get up to grab your coffee mug from earlier. Derek tilts his head slightly.

“Hang on, no…you’re embarrassed.”

“Morgan.”

“What happened?”

“Absolutely not, Derek. No.”

You hear Spencer give an amused snort from across the room, and toss a crumpled-up piece of paper in his direction. It completely misses him. “Shush.”

Reid grins into his cold coffee. “Didn’t say anything.”

“Good. Don’t.”

“Oh?” Morgan’s glancing between the two of you.

“Shush. Both of you. I need lunch.” You slide some cash in Derek’s direction to repay him.

Morgan just turns around in his chair with a shrug. “Alright, alright. Suit yourself.”

You sigh, and finally go to make your coffee. What a morning.

[clumsyclifford]

i’m taking a punt that i’ve remembered these correctly cos i’m ok my phone ok 10, 25 (apart from thesaurus dot com) and 30? love u!!!

hello good morning!!! don't think i've ever heard the phrase taking a punt

10. How do you decide what to write? well not to say the obvious answer but...i write whatever i'm in the mood to write! when inspiration strikes, i try to roll with it, because it is irregular and highly unpredictable and i never know when it will return.

25. What other websites or resources do you use most often when you write? how dare you rob me of my chance to shoutout my one true love thesaurus.com !!!!!!!!!!!! genuinely what other websites DO i use. i guess after thesaurus.com (waaay below like miles and miles below) the next thing i use when i write is instagram and sometimes twitter? that's for if i'm trying to find specific information about x person's life or the date that something happened. often that just leads me into an instagram rabbit hole though which can be dangerous.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter? yes i have!! more than just a neon weekend was very much out of my comfort zone, to the point where i was terrified to post it and nearly didn't. ill also say that i can't be just friends (you're messing with my head) aka fwb high school jalex was pretty well out of my comfort zone because i had started writing it at a time when my writing style was much less my own and so it had a lot of humor and other elements that were just not like me to write when i went back to finish it months later. both of these fics have ~mild sexual content~ and writing smut is obviously not in my wheelhouse at all and so even sort of hinting at it like that was like ............. ahhhhhhhhh people are going to read this and know it's from me and what will they think!!!!!! here's a message i sent to helen and ainslee about the ~mild sexual content~ in the jalex fic:

and here's what i sent to cam about neon weekend:

so anyway. what's tumblr if not a little psychoanalysis before noon am i right?

questions for fic writers

[dreamingofscully]

6x06. “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas” - X-Files Rewatch

I wrote a lot about this episode, I hope you enjoy! Really thought this one gave us a ton of insight into M&S.

Mulder’s excuse to invite Scully out with him - a haunted house. He just wants to spend time with her. He’s feeling lonely. For some reason he’s not spending Christmas with anyone - not his mom, not the Gunmen. Even if he was, she’s the person he most wants to spend it with.

Mulder does his very best to entertain Scully with a ghost story. He’s being very seductive, but I don’t think he’s too serious about it - just wants her to spend time with him desperately. 

When Mulder describes Maurice (“brooding but heroic”) and Lyda (“a sublime beauty with a light that seemed to follow her wherever she went”) - I mean, c’mon, he’s describing THEM. 

“Driven by a tragic fear of separation they forged a lovers' pact so that they might spend eternity together and not spend one precious Christmas apart.”

HELLO?!

Even though Scully has somewhere to be, Mulder’s pull on her is irresistible. She has a family, a gift-opening, many traditions that she loves to take part in, SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE, but she comes to see Mulder anyway. She protests, tries to leave, but only because she thinks Mulder also has plans, has people to spend the holidays with. Scully loves a good story, and this one hits close to home - scary, romantic and tragic.

Scully’s long monologue about why fearing ghosts is irrational, what it represents. She’s thought about it a LOT. She enjoys the thrill she gets from fear but also enjoys being able to explain it, put it in a box, conquer it.

It appears on the outside that Mulder is being selfish on inviting her here, occupying her time on a date where she has places to be, that he’s being insensitive. But the opposite is actually true. How difficult is Christmas going to be for Scully this year? To be around her family and remember her loss. To spend time with her nephew and having to hide her sorrow at the child she barely knew that was taken from her. To be expected to be full of Christmas cheer when all she wants to do is hide from the world, to yell and cry with anger and sadness. Mulder knows this, but doesn’t acknowledge it. He distracts her with ghosts, and it is the most wonderful thing he could do.

I love the contrast between Mulder and Scully meeting the ghosts, on experiencing the scary haunted house. Mulder is fascinated, while Scully is terrified. An incredible parallel to their experiences with the paranormal - Mulder just wants to know more but Scully rationalizes it to try to dispel her fears.

“Alright, I’m afraid. But it’s an irrational fear.” - Scully (Her first of three admissions this episode.)

This is a wonderful season to explore Scully’s fears. She is terrified of the unknown, of what she can’t explain rationally, which drives her stubbornness all throughout the next few seasons. It’s frustrating for Mulder, he doesn’t understand why she’s so resistant to believe even if she’s seen things she can’t deny, but it all stems from this fear. She doesn’t fully overcome it until much, much later (“all things”, I believe).

Mulder’s “I got your back” when Scully’s about to check out something strange/scary. Hilarious, and a simple attempt at humour. An attempt to show that Scully is the braver one. He might be less scared, but he pushes her, wants her to explore, and while Scully is afraid SHE is the one to open the door because HE pushes her to do so, because she needs to explain things to conquer her fear. She likes that about him, about their relationship. He gives her strength and courage to overcome her fears.

Scully gets into the next room, is comforted by evidence of the mundane. The wound clock, the fire that just went out. This place isn’t haunted, it’s just occupied.

Mulder is such a goofball. Enjoying pranking/scaring Scully, teasing her. He touches her shoulder. He calls her on her fears - that “Rationally, you've been in much more dangerous situations”. In a horror movie, Mulder would be the one doing all the things that YOU SHOULD NOT DO. Scully realizes this, haha.

Scully’s hand on his arm when they realize that the corpses are themselves. It’s meant to scare them, to make them believe something will happen to them. So the things that come later will be more believable and they’ll be more susceptible to Maurice and Lyda’s manipulations.

The psychoanalysis of Mulder and Scully.

A lot of these insights are accurate, but some of them reflect only what they FEAR is the truth.

Maurice → Mulder

I’m just going to comment here that Mulder is wearing my favourite outfit. Leather jacket, t-shirt and jeans. Hnnnnnnnnng.

“Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you?”

The one person he wants to believe him the most is extremely resistant to it. She says she believes him, but she can’t quite admit it to herself. This hurts him. 

“Narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniac.”

Overzealous, yes, and perhaps self-righteous but I don’t agree with the others. Mulder would be WORRIED about the other things though. That he is too self-centered, that his personal quest has taken so much from Scully. He views himself as selfish, and undeserving of love and companionship because of it.

“You kindly think of yourself as single-minded but you're prone to obsessive compulsiveness workaholism, antisocialism... Fertile fields for the descent into total wacko breakdown.”

Single-minded: YES

Obsessive: YES; compulsive to the extent that he is impulsive and spontaneous when it comes to his quest, but not OCD

Workaholism: YES - Mulder doesn’t ever NOT work, as long as it’s associated with his obsession. He’s always at the bureau, or working at home, or dragging Scully to investigate mysterious things on the weekend.

Antisocialism: YES - He doesn’t care what other people think, doesn’t have much of a social life outside of his carefully chosen friends

Total wacko breakdown: he jokes about his mental stability, that he belongs in a mental institution, that they’d lock him up if he went there, that Scully could see him tied down on a bed. But in reality he is very stable emotionally - with all of the trauma he encounters he is very resilient, bounces back, pursues his quest

“You probably consider yourself passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?”

YES. He doesn’t mind that people don’t get him, because he knows he’s on the right path. His joking and humour only covers up his vulnerability, otherwise he is very serious about most things.

“Most people would rather stick their fingers in a wall socket than spend a minute with you.”

OOF. This hurts him, hits home, gets right down to the core of his greatest fear, of being alone.

He brings up Scully, that he’s not actually alone. He didn’t take her car keys, but the ONLY REASON SHE’S IN THE HOUSE IS BECAUSE THEY WERE TAKEN. 

And where is she? “BEHIND A BRICK WALL.” One of their own construction - mainly Mulder’s.

“You know why you do it-- listen endlessly to her droning rationalizations. 'Cause you're afraid. Afraid of the loneliness. Am I right?”

This is why Mulder, after his frustration in “The Beginning”, is more accepting of her disbelief. He makes very good points about why she can’t believe in that episode, but he doesn’t really push her on it afterwards - because the alternative is loneliness. (He DOES know that the debate is necessary for their process, but also that her denials are unreasonable at this point, after what they saw.)

If he pushes her too much, will she leave?

Lyda → Scully

Her hand shaking when holding her gun is just perfection. I love how she calms, her hand steadies, but then starts trembling again when Lyda starts making strange insights, knows things she shouldn’t.

“You must have an awful small life. Spending your Christmas Eve with him... Running around chasing things you don't even believe in.”

Again, Scully wants more out of life. She wants to “get out of the car”, wants to experience family, intimacy, have a partner to share her life with. That Mulder seems incompatible with those things, that he could never settle down and stop chasing things in the dark.

“I can see it in your face... The fear... The conflicted yearnings... A subconscious desire to find fulfillment through another. Intimacy through co-dependency.”

Feeling that she can’t obtain intimacy with Mulder, she finds satisfaction just being with him, working with him, being NEEDED.

“Maybe you repress the truth about why you're really here pretending it's out of duty or loyalty-- unable to admit your dirty little secret. Your only joy in life is proving him wrong.”

This isn’t true, she loves working with Mulder, and believes her rationalizations only serve to build him up (they do). Recent tension between them would make her fear that Mulder thinks this way - that she has no purpose in their quest. Her unwillingness to believe, that it’s only about wanting to be right, will only serve to drive him away.

I love that Scully faints from fear at seeing the holes in Lyda’s stomach and Maurice’s head. When confronted with something SO UNBELIEVABLE, something that cannot be denied or rationalized or put in a box she just shuts down.

Lyda → Mulder

“I was young and beautiful once, just like your partner.” Any acknowledgement of Scully’s beauty just makes me 😍

“Maybe you two should have discussed your real feelings before you came out here.”

Heck, yeah! But Mulder can’t let himself. Even if he knew Scully felt the same about him, he doesn’t deserve to be loved by her.

Comparing Mulder’s reaction to seeing the hole in Lyda’s stomach to Scully’s. He’s disgusted because he accepts it as reality as a matter of course, while Scully is (literally) scared out of her mind.

When Lyda suggests Scully would shoot herself, Mulder’s “I wouldn’t let her”. 😍

“We're not lovers.” - Mulder, said with a sigh “And this isn't a pure science. But you're both so attractive and there'll be a lot of time to work that out.” - Lyda

Ummmmmmmmmm… can we have ghost-Mulder and Scully AU fanfic please?

Maurice → Scully

Mulder as “dark and lonely” - suggesting that he took the car keys to keep her with him. The little nuggets of truth that Maurice and Lyda offer to Mulder and Scully make it easier to accept the other things - the fears that they have about each other.

He’s got no one this Christmas, and she had no idea. 😥

Maurice and Lyda trick Mulder and Scully

When she sees “Mulder”, she’s so relieved and happy.

When “Mulder” rants about loneliness. Scully doesn’t believe in it. She thinks they can change, that they can choose to not be lonely. (This comes up again in “Milagro”. A VERY SIGNIFICANT EPISODE. Hnnng.) 

“You’re scaring me.” - Scully (2)

Scully’s face when he’s about to shoot himself. 😥

Mulder finding “Scully” 😥

Crawling along the floor in their blood.

“Are you afraid, Mulder? I am.” - Scully (3)

They can’t shoot each other, even when thinking that the other did it to them.

Of course Mulder figures it out first. He’s more open to believing that this is an illusion, a trick. Something unreal and paranormal rather than the reality of them having shot each other. He reaches for her and helps her up, showing her the evidence in front of her face that this isn’t real. Touches her uninjured stomach, covered in blood.

Lily Tomlin as Lyda and Ed Asner as Maurice were amazing. I loved their playfulness. That this was a horror-comedy instead of just a tragic, scary story.

Back at Mulder’s apartment

“I don’t deserve to be so happy.” - on the television in Mulder’s apartment at the end. How sad. But it describes him so perfectly this season. He doesn’t believe he deserves happiness. That he got to spend some time with Scully was wonderful, but now he’s back in his lonely apartment wishing she was still there, but not thinking it should ever happen. He knows what makes him happy, sharing and spending time with Scully, but she has her own “normal” life that he can never be a part of, that he doesn’t DESERVE to be a part of no matter how desperately he craves it.

When she shows up, he’s delighted. That she wants to be there with him, enjoys spending time doing WHATEVER, even if she’s scared, or refuses to believe. She enjoys their connection just as much as him. She views him as an important person in her life, just as much as her family. He agrees with Scully that it didn’t happen, doesn’t push her on her stubbornness to not believe, because he’s just happy she’s here. He chooses the opposite of loneliness.

Their acknowledgement of the fears that they have. Mulder’s on being selfish, and Scully’s on her reasons for working with him. I love that they mention these things rather than the ones that are actually true.

They do some heavy gazing at each other when talking about their vulnerabilities. 😍

I love how bashful they are when giving each other presents. It’s so cute!

Scully loves presents. I just love that tidbit about her. I don’t think she’s materialistic, the present could be anything. She just loves that someone cares enough about her to get her something meaningful, she loves the anticipation of unwrapping and seeing what it is.

After they opened their gifts, I think Scully invited Mulder to her mom’s house. Knowing he has nowhere to be, no one to spend it with. I just can’t see her choosing to leave him alone, and she WANTS to be with him. WANTS to live a life where they are together for holidays and significant events, not just because of work.

[a-medvezhonok]

Sterling x April part 16

Sterling’s mum knocked on the door and entered Sterling’s room, she was greeted by a vision of April looking surprisingly sheepish sitting on Sterling’s bed. Whilst Sterling herself, wide-eyed, was standing beside her in one of her Sunday dresses.

-Oh good, Sterling, you’re already dressed.

-Hi mom.

-Hello sweetie. Now April, you’re more than welcome to join us today, if you want. We go to the same church anyway. I can phone your mother and tell her that she doesn’t have to worry about a thing. We can drop you off after the sermon.

April tried to interject. -Actually, I-

-Ok brilliant, see you two downstairs. Also, Sterling, if you could check up on Blair and make sure she’s awake and ready, you know how cranky she can be with me in the morning. – she turned to face April- And it really is so lovely that Sterling has a friend again, I was always worried that because she had Blair she never sought out other close connections with people, at least platonically – she shot Sterling a glare- so I really am delighted that you two found each other, it’s always good to have a girlfriend or tw-

-Ok mum! Thank you for the psychoanalysis, I’ll check on Blair.

April who at first had been the human embodiment of anxiety when Sterling’s mum entered was now grinning from ear to ear. After Sterling’s mum had left the girls, she turned to Sterling, slowly stood up and walked to her.

-This is quite the platonic relationship we have.

Sterling didn’t respond, just stared at the ground.

-Come on, I’m just teasing.

Sterling desperately wanted to change the conversation. - Do you want to borrow one of my dresses?

-No, I’ve worn about four separate outfits of yours in the past hour, I’m scared if I wear anymore, I'll become you. I already feel clumsier.

-You could have just said no.

-Now where’s the fun in that.

Sterling still clearly hearing her mother’s words rattle around her mind, distracting her, she blurted out. - It’s not like you have friends either.

April looked confused at the conversation change. -First of all, uncalled for. And second of all, I have friends!

-Who hate you.

-They respect me.

-They’re scared of you.

-Well I would rather have friends who are scared than no friends.

-Of, course how could I forget, the true mark of friendship, tyranny. Actually, you know what, ummm… I’m glad I don’t have any friends, then I’m not overruled by a dictator.

April huffed and took her bag with her change of clothes and stormed into the bathroom to get changed.

-I’m sorry. – said Sterling through the door. – that was uncalled for.

April didn’t reply, after changing she strode out of the bathroom through to downstairs. Leaving Sterling alone, feeling numb.

The car ride to church was full of tension to say the least. April sat next to Sterling at the back seat glaring out of the window. If she thought the car was a bit too close to the seething hot rage of April Stevens, sitting shoulder to shoulder at the pew practically scorched her alive. She could feel April breathing, her chest rising and falling. Sterling gulped. She tentatively searched for April’s hand, as soon as she found it a spark shot through her arm. She tried to intertwine their pinkies, but April snatched her hand away, all whilst staring directly ahead. Sterling turned to her left to see if Blair had noticed. Blair could see something was bothering her sister, so they twin spoke.

-What’s wrong?

-April’s mad at me.

-She’s always mad at everyone, you're not special.

-Not helpful.

-Ok, sorry, what happened?

-I called her a tyrannical ruler over her friend group.

-Are you wrong?

-Yes!.. no? I don’t know, but it upset her, and now she wont hold my hand.

-You want to hold her hand in church? I know God’s cool with it, but I don’t know if all these Godly people will be.

-Whatever.

Sterling stuck her tongue out at Blair and then turned to try and listen to the pastor, but couldn’t concentrate on anything he said, something about how his grandmothers dog blessed him of his sins when he was a young boy, no that clearly wasn’t it. Suddenly Sterling felt April’s foot apply pressure to the side of hers. Sterling stopped breathing, just in case it was a mistake and April though it was the benches leg. Then she felt April’s hand stroke Sterling’s forearm. Sterling turned to look at April for an explanation, but April kept her gaze firmly directed on the speaker. Then April’s hand slowly rubbed against Sterling’s thigh. Sterling nearly made some kind of noise, she wasn’t sure if it was going to be a scream or a moan, but luckily, before any sound escaped her lips, she firmly clasped her hand over her mouth. Wide eyed she looked at April who was now finally looking back, with the smuggest expression on her face. If anything felt like a sin to Sterling, it was seeing that lopsided smirk plastered on her angelic face.

It felt like the longest sermon of Sterling’s life, the whole time April kept teasing her, caressing some part of her body, all whilst upholding an air of complete innocence, meanwhile Sterling felt like she was going to explode. After the final pray, and everyone started getting up. April leaned into Sterling and whispered into her ear.

-I really do look positively ravishing in your Sunday dress.

-Right, that’s it. -Sterling grabbed April’s hand and told Blair and her parents, that they were just going to use the restroom, and to just wait for them in the car. The parents didn’t think much of it. But Blair looked at Sterling dragging April by the hand to the restroom and knowingly smiled. -Get it girl. - she thought.

[punksarahreese]

Tell me how you think a Sarah and Ava first met, how they started getting close etc., their first date (pls, I love you)

Bet

First meeting

So they first met on Ava’s second (?) day really

Because Sarah was Robin’s doctor

So she was kinda kept in the loop to ensure she knew what was planned for the patient

Anyway she had heard Connor’s complaints about the “snarky and unprofessional” new CT fellow

And promptly rolled her eyes because Connor basically described himself with that comment

She was not sure what she was expecting when Ava Bekker entered the room

But it definitely wasn’t being met with a terse nod and accented hello before she immediately jumped in to talking about the surgery plan

Connor had mentioned she was no-nonsense and didn’t really like residents but Sarah was still a bit taken aback

She wasn’t sure how she felt about the new surgical fellow

She was a bit abrasive, clearly competitive, but there was something charming about her as well

Sarah did love that she met Connor’s snark with her own and didn’t take any of his shit

Seeing him put in his place was amusing to say the least

Anyway since robin’s surgery went on without a hitch, Sarah didn’t often run into the CT surgeon after that

Unless they were discussing a common consult or something because really their paths didn’t often cross otherwise

How they got closer

Sarah didn’t want to go to Connor to ask about her dad because she didn’t want to seem weak

And she definitely didn’t trust Doctor Charles about it anymore

But she had questions about his condition and how his psychopathy diagnosis might influence the transplant list

So she went to the next person she knew would know about his case and be able to give a professional analysis of his prognosis

Ava was certainly surprised when Sarah Reese shyly came up to her one day in the ED and asked to speak with her some time soon

When she explained it was questions about her dad and his condition, Ava agreed

And then she did something Sarah didn’t expect

“Would you like to get coffee tomorrow? We can discuss it then after I review his chart.”

If she didn’t know any better sarah would have thought Ava Bekker just asked her on a date

Obviously she didn’t though, it was strictly work related

Right?

So they went to get coffee the next day and walked around the hospital grounds on their break

Discussing Sarah’s dad and what transplant guidelines were in this case

But it also evolved into Ava teasing Sarah about the amount of Splenda she put in her coffee

And Sarah retorting that drinking black coffee doesn’t make one any cooler

And she couldn’t help but smile widely when that made Ava laugh

Because god her laugh was beautiful and way deeper than expected, even when it seemed so out of character for the no-shit-taken attitude the surgeon so often had

So maybe they spent the rest of lunch talking until Ava had to go do a surgery

And she made grabby hands at Sarah’s phone, once again adorably out of character, insisting she have Ava’s number just in case she had more questions

But eventually that turned into casual text conversations and Ava inviting Sarah over for drinks one night

And pet names like “Aves” and “Reese cup” soon followed

Which made everyone at work utterly confused because since when did Ava call anyone anything but their name or title?

But it was really cute to see Sarah walked over to the surgeon with a case in mind and Ava greeting her with a small smile and a “Hey, Reese cup.”

Their first date

So technically you could say that their first date was one of the many times they got coffee together or went to each other’s apartments for drinks or a movie

But really those were “platonic” hang outs

So their first date was spoken into existence when they were discussing a case over coffee one morning

Ava had been staring at Sarah fondly as the resident rambled about some newly approved theory she had read about and wanted to test with their shared patient

And she just found it so endearing because Sarah was excited and the most animated she had ever seen whenever she spoke about medicine and psychology

And even if Ava had no clue about psychoanalysis, she would gladly listen just to hear Sarah happily explain her interests

So all of a sudden, Ava looks at Sarah and says

“Go out with me.”

And Sarah stoped, stared at her, and tried to process what just happened

Did Ava Bekker really just ask her out? on a real date this time?

“W-what?”

Ava just laughed at the weak question, admiring the blush that had taken over Sarah’s cheeks

“If you’re interested,” she added, obviously indicating that she wasn’t sure which was Sarah swung just yet

Though she had a fairly good idea because have you seen the way Sarah Reese dresses? Girl invented lesbianism

“I-,” Sarah’s shy little smile was so endearing, “A date?”

That made Ava laugh, “Yes, Sarah. If you wanted, we could go have dinner one day.”

Sarah’s reply was stuttered but it only made the surgeon even more amused

“I- uh, yeah. Yeah I would like that.”

“Excellent,” Ava had begun fiddling with the end of her braid, showing a rare moment of nervous energy

Sarah was about to speak again when Ava’s pager went off

And the CT fellow stood, apologizing, as she had a patient to attend to

Before she left, Ava turned to Sarah and said

“I’ll text you later then, Reese cup,” and her accent was music to Sarah’s ears when she added, “And I look forward to our date in the near future.”

(And they did end up going out for dinner at a restaurant way more fancy than Sarah was expecting)

(And of course she got embarrassed but eventually relaxed as the night went on and had a really good time)

(Because God Ava was so charismatic but also just an adorable dork when she wasn’t at work. And they got along so well and Sarah hadn’t felt this way about anyone in a long time)

(And the rest is history)