#(he’s only in the background but he deserves a tag ig)

[spadesncrows]

they haunt my notebooks

( @spadecentral bc u wanted to be tagged last time <3)

[taldigi]

you kno i expected it to happen based on how he acted in the story but now that I am actively looking into fanwork and stuff- the sheer inescapable nature of ren/aketchi stuff (aka trying to find stuff abt other characters ) makes me wonder if sadboy angstshipping is truly eternal and inescapable OR I completely misinterpreted their dynamic & their characterizations entirely.

[23victoria]

Passing the Phone

f1 grid x reader

warnings: cussing, unhinged, satire, complete jokes (are they?...), dark humor ig…idk, talk of age gaps, sa allegations, no just kidding...very much reading people to the filth

authors note: lmaoo don’t ask me why i wrote this cause idk…but this is so unhinged 😭���� please don’t take offense to this and if you do…i said don’t…all jokes i love them, some of them, you can find it funny or you won’t, just wanted to get this out of my drafts

want to be tagged in my works?! CLICK HERE!

f1 masterlist

Video starts with Y/N holding the phone, in selfie mode.

Y/N: I'm passing the phone to someone who had the biggest breakup in F1 history with a blond German boy named Nico.

Lewis: Babe, no!

Y/N: What, too soon? It's been years but okay! Sorry! Okay, let me start again. I'm passing the phone to someone who said "Fuck Mercedes" and is going to Ferrari for 2025!

Lewis: Y/N, no!! You cannot say that! You’re gonna get me in trouble!!

Y/N: Fine, fine, fine. I'm passing the phone to the GOAT of this generation with the most wins in F1 history, yet he was robbed of the championship in 2021.

Y/N passes the phone to Lewis.

Lewis: stares at Y/N then laughs “I'm passing the phone to someone who is known more for his memes than driving skills.”

Lewis passes the phone to George.

George: laughs “Hahaha real funny…I'm passing the phone to someone who took six years to get their first win."

Lando: “Dude, what the fuck?! Fuck you, Woody! I'm passing the phone to someone who's younger than me yet acts years older than me.”

Oscar: “....You're not funny... I'm passing the phone to someone who's most likely losing their seat next season.”

Logan: “The fuck, Oscar! I thought we were friends! Low blow, mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has yet to get P1, yet all his friends who got into F1 after him have won races already.”

Alex: “....And that, Logan, is why you're losing your seat. Mr. What The Fuck is A Kilometer. Anyway, I'm passing the phone to someone who just got brutally murdered by an interviewer on Sky Sports regarding their F1 career, if you could call it that.”

Daniel: “You shouldn’t be talking Mr. I Have No Wins….eat shit…I'm passing the phone to the shortest person on the grid but cusses more than anyone here.”

Yuki: “That interviewer was right, why the fuck do you still have a seat in F1?!! Dickhead. I'm passing the phone to a man with good fashion sense and his teammate might steal his seat.”

Zhou: “Bro….really. I'm passing the phone to someone who acts like he's Australian when he’s not…oh, and his seat is at risk too.���

Bottas: “Yeah, yeah, whatever mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has enough penalties in just nine races that he can be banned from racing in F1… permanently.

Kevin: “You're so funny, Bottas, hahaha…ha. I'm passing the phone to a dickhead.”

Nico: “Fuck you too asshole. I'm passing the phone to a person who has a shitty ass dad who deserves to be in jail.”

Max: burst out laughing “Ah, no lies told there. I'm passing the phone to someone who only has a seat to protect me from having any real competition…”

You laugh in the background “Oh shit.”

Checo: blank stare “Motherfucker! That just shows your true colors... I'm passing the phone to... who am I supposed to pass it to... uhhh... Y/N.

Takes phone 

Y/N: “Oh, I know! I'm passing the phone to someone who has sexual assault “allegations” against them, but the FIA wants to hide it. I can’t go near him for my safety, so I’ll just turn the camera towards him... *pans the camera to Christian Horner*

Everyone is stunned and silent, then there’s Lewis laughing in the background 

Y/N: “Oh! I have another one! Hey Kelly, “i hear you like them young”, to be more specific at the ripe age of 17... mhmmm, she's a pedoo. What Kendrick say “TRYNA STRIKE A CORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINNORRRR” *pans the camera to Kelly Piquet*

silence.

Lewis: runs towards Y/N and grabs the camera “Yup, that's enough for today. You're trying to start problems and get people beat up”

Video ends with Lewis taking the phone away from Y/N, shaking his head while laughing.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

✿ .° • everything taglist • °. ✿ : @ham1lton @ietss @animeandf1lover @nelly187 @heartsfromtaeyong @bloodyymaryyy @nor-4 @zacian117 @mel164 @uhhvictoria @hadidsworld @magixpracticality @exotic-iris13 @tellybearryyyy @zabwlky1999 @sya-skies @lillysbigwilly

@eoduuung

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

*sooooo……that’s the end….LMFAOOOO, again…DO NOT COME FOR ME…ITS JOKES (is it really though)*

© 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

[hound-heir]

Hehe, idk how to do a pinned-

Minors DNI. You will be blocked immediately.

Asks are open to anybody!

Dms only to mutuals!!!!

The heir to the throne~

Hello, I'm Ambrose, or you can just call me "young lord" (Ambrose isn't my actual name, you'll find that out soon enough)

I am 18 years old, pan, and I'm transmasc (he/they). Welcome to my nsft blog, I suppose!

Important lil facts!:

I am on the aroace spectrum.

I'm a wee bit mentally ill (aspd, schizophrenia, bipolar, npd, and bpd will likely come up, although there's so much more...)

I am a switch, although I much prefer being dominant. i can not quite fully be submissive (if for some reason I seem submissive fully, there's definitely something wrong emotionally)

Kinks, you will likely see:

Sadism/masochism

Royalty

Master/servant

Master/pet

Blood

Worship

Eagerness

Others potentially

Hashtags!

#miko is yapping | ooc

#🕯. Please | submissive sorta

#🕯. I order you | dominant and controlling

#🕯. It's alright | soft-dom

#🐺. Woof | I'm the dog (kink or not usually kink)

#👑. Reblogs

#👑. Pretty

#👑. Fav | promotions of moots ig

#👑 Ambrose | personal, aka evreything will be tagged that if I came up with it

#🍷. The Prince's decree | responding to asks

There's other hashtags for relevancy, but they aren't personal.

Read more for a lil extra info :)

Backstory of sorts:

I've got a major, i suppose, king complex + God complex, so that plays into why I actually made this, but it goes much deeper than that. If you noticed that my username is "hound-heir" it actually has a major reason and that is normally i feel as tho I'm sort of a guard dog for the houses I've lived at so hence "hound" but I'm also the technical heir to my family (I mean literally if I marry off and change my last name or die before I have kids my family name will die, I'm the 'last heir') so hence "heir"

Name background:

Yes, the name is 'Ambrose' but like i said above "Ambrose isn't my actual name" it's actually my old dog's name (no, he's not dead fyi he's doing really good! Or so I've been told) if you'd like to talk ooc/personally you may call me Miko(laj)

Other blogs of mine:

@mikolaj-vampyr

@mikolaj-paradox

I've got one more that I rarely even use, so if for some reason you notice that one well, congrats ig, want a cookie?

Lil fun playlist!

If you've made it this far, honestly, you deserve a lil treat~

[frogtanii]

WRITTEN BIT BABEY :)

you leave the room with a heavy weight sitting on your heart that is only amplified by the serious look on kenma’s face. you ignore it in favor of turning on the tv and going to disney+, queuing up the original mulan knowing how into the story hinata would get. still refusing to face your friend, you move to the kitchen digging around the cabinets to find snacks.

“yn,” the sound of your name jolts you out of your focus even though you were expecting it. “can we please talk?”

it feels like the air has been sucked out of the room, the only thing remaining being a heavy blanket of tension draping over the two of you. when you chance a look at kenma, you’re taken aback by the unreadable look on his face--it's overwhelming and you have to take a step back.

you turn away from him, unable to look for long without your mind racing and heart clenching with unknown guilt. a hand gently touches your shoulder, the feeling sending a shock of discomfort down your spine.

"we need to talk about kuroo," kenma starts, his golden eyes desperately searching for your own but you refuse to make eye contact, too afraid of what his expression might hold. when you don't move to face him, kenma sighs and moves somewhere behind you. the sound of a barstool scraping against the tiled floors alerts you that he's probably sitting down which signals a long and emotion-packed conversation.

"he texted me today." the relatively innocent statement is weighed down by the many implications behind it. your mind begins to race--what could that even mean? did he talk about you? your childhood? what he had done to you and more importantly, why? "what did you guys talk about?" the question is out of your mouth before you can stop it, desperation creeping into the edges of your voice.

you finally, finally, shift to face him, mentally steeling yourself for the upbringing of things you'd much rather forget.

"he's playing with you yn. you know it, i know it, he knows it. you need to separate yourself from him," kenma says, his voice monotone and soft. "i-i love you, you know that right?" you nod but remain tight-lipped, allowing your best friend to finish his piece.

"i know you think he's changed but some people never do. i just- i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i didn't say anything and let him hurt you like before." he lets out a deep breath and runs his hands through his almost entirely brown hair. something glints under the soft kitchen lights and you recognize it as the bracelet you'd bought him back in your first year of high school. you smile to yourself, not noticing the look of admiration in his eyes and the soft smile gracing his lips.

the sound of a door opening startles the both of you from your silent reverie, your eyes trailing to the hallway where hinata stands bundled up in four blankets and looking absolutely miserable. "oh shō," you whisper, his puffy eyes already welling up with tears.

kenma moves faster than you, kindly (well as kind as kenma can be) moving the hinata burrito to the couch with you following closely behind. you plop yourself down right next to the redhead, his body coming to rest in your lap. you can't help but lean down and press a kiss to his forehead, running your fingers through his orange locks.

"w-what were y-you guys talking a-about?" shōyō asks, his voice watery and thick with tears. you shake your head at his question, not wanting to bog him down with depressing tales about one of his friends. "nothing baby, nothing. how are you feeling? do you need anything? water, snacks?" your fingers never leave his head, even when he turns to look at you frustratedly, his cheeks puffing in annoyance.

"i want you to tell me what you guys were talking about," he orders, fumbling his body burrito until he's sitting upright between you and kenma. "i'm not a baby, y'know."

kenma barks out a laugh, leaning over to ruffle hinata's hair. "says the one who's been crying all day," hinata giggles at the contact before kenma adds, "baby." you grin as hinata tries to force a pout on his face but it doesn't work, a small smile worming its way there instead.

"we can talk about it later, hm?" you say as you stand before moving to the kitchen to get snacks. hinata nods and snuggles into kenma's arms while mulan begins to play in the background. you're quick to join them, handing a bag of chips to kenma while shō presses a kiss to your cheek before settling in to watch the movie.

------

turns out the later was much later--you'd gotten through all of mulan, frozen one and two, and half of moana before hinata tried to bring kuroo up again.

"shō, you really don't want to hear about it," you groan while cleaning up the kitchen, carefully evading hinata as he follows close behind. "but you promised," he whines, finally grabbing hold of you and resting his head on your shoulder. kenma pops his head from around the corner with a mouthful of pocky's and shakes his head before speaking up. "you should tell him--he deserves to know why you transfered to karasuno in our third year."

you roll your eyes before bopping hinata on the forehead, sending him to the ground with a moan. "fine but if i'm going to be forced to relive the hell that was my high school years, i'm gonna do it over text." with that, you playfully stomp back over to the couch, bringing out your phone and lying down, determined to get this conversation over with as fast as possible.

© promiscuous boy ;)

storytime!!

series masterlist

——————————————————————————

an: holy shit this took me FOREVER AND IT SUCKS ASS IM SO SORRY this is not how i wanted this explanation to go but my writing juice dissipated i am so sorry 😞 don’t worry abt feeding me idk if i wanna hear it for this trash LMAO

EDIT: I REDID IT SO KUROO IS LESS EVIL PLS DISREGARD EVERYTHING YOU MIGHT HAVE READ EARLIER GOMEN

taglist: if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@suhkusa • @tamaguchi • @heyyourecute • @yn-tingz • @mymelodysbreakfastburrito • @tadashi-simp • @bbyouamazin • @1987hotschott • @elianetsantana • @sunflowerirl • @amberalisa • @animeboihoe • @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney • @xo-lovelyreign-xo • @vitalthot • @starry-magicshop • @mariachiii • @karasunobbys • @underratedmage • @seomisaho • @timeturnerss • @h0ngh0ngh0ng • @myeggodied • @nekomacam • @smuttyanimeslut • @iminlovewhaikyuu • @saturnfarie • @dreamstormings • @spikertrash • @just-snog-already • @quiche-inoya • @strawbabytsukki • @sky-has-a-main-ig • @xxsweetbubblegumxx • @imnotyourramonaflowersbruh • @naimalove143 • @bakarinnie • @bakudad • @birdiewolf • @letthemreadfanfiction • @tsukkiboii • @misluck

[ronance4everbrainrot]

So I'm bored again.

I was gonna make more post about other fandom I'm in but now imma just do

Stranger Things

(but you can ask me if you wanna know if I'm in a fandom and my opinion.. On mostly ships.. Because I'm not that good with character studies)

(also if you want my opinion on a character (from Stranger things or from (if I make another post of) another fandom then you can also asked)

So Imma only do ship rn

My number one ship/OTP is Ronance

I'm not good with words so imma just let it stand there

I don't hate Steddie, but the fact that it's in the Ronance Tag is making me not like that ship, it's cute and all, but stop main tagging Ronance or other ships if it's only background or smth

Ronance has my brain but Elmax has my heart... With ronance together tho...

Lumax is adorable and I like it

Elumax is also adorable and it's the most acceptable Poly couple in my opinion but I don't really like poly shops, but well if it's only gay I like it, if it's two guy/one girl or two girls/one guy, I don't really like that

Jopper (FINALLY) is canon now! And I'm very happy. That's my Fav straight ship 👍 I got nothing more to say

The bylers...

So straight byler (Jancy) is okay, it's definitely better then stancy and I hated all the stancy moments in this season, but I actually thought jancy was gonna be okay with the way they talked about each other when they were talking to Fred/Argyle, but I'd rather have Nancy be Single.. (or better yet, with Robin😊👍)

Gay Byler (Original Byler ig) is cute and all, Mike deserved Will in season 1 and 2 but season 3 and 4 Mike doesn't deserve Will and will definitely deserves better but if he wants to be with Mike, then let him get together with Mike 🙌

Lesbian Byler (✨Karen and Joyce✨) I just love wlw ships and Karen deserves better and I also just recently discovered this ship... I'm disappointed in myself lol (jopper all the way tho too)

So um.. I never really cared for Dustin and Suzie, it's cute and all, and I really love Suzie! And I also really love Dustin! So 👍

I do ship henclair and the only reason being because they were the only people left of the party if elmax and Byler were dating, but I do genuinely also like the ship. I honestly think it's my Fav mlm ship because it's not that popular? Or idk if it's popular.. But ye.. And Lucas and Dustin are sweethearts so 👍👍

Will x Lucas is cute, I also just discovered it and Lucas would be a good boyfriend so I have no problem with that ship

Sometimes I'm confused as to why people don't ship ronance lol, but I'm just soo obsessed with it that I thought everyone like it 😪😂, but well I don't really like Robin x Vickie, I mean maybe (probably/hopefully) Vickie gets more screentime and has a different personality than Robin in season 5, because rn they are too similar for me. I mean she clearly (I think) also has a crush on Robin and I don't want to erase anything by not shipping a 'Canon' (not yet ig) wlw ship because I ship Robin with another girl (I read something like that once, with erasing representation because of shipping her with another girl (Nancy) idk if it's true but so far they are not together anyway).. Honestly idk if anything that I just said makes sense lol

Anyway, moving to another Robin ship, which I actually like lol, is.. Well I wanted to say Melissa (the girl from the volunteer food stand thingy) because the ✨CHEMISTRY!✨ (I honestly, genuinely, really thought, Robin was gonna end up with her and I would have accepted it and even liked it, because after that scene with Robin seeing Vickie with her boyfriend, I thought that was done)

But now I remember another Robin ship which is cute and it's ✨Buckingham✨ (Chrissy x Robin), honestly they never interacted and I think they'd have more chemistry than Robin and Vickie (they do have chemistry in the end tho but I feel like that they have the least chemistry out of every Robin ship)

And btw no Vickie Slander, I love her and she's cute and I ship her with Chrissy because we need more wlw ships... Also I ship Chrissy with Tammy because of a fanart I've seen, I also headcanon Chrissy as a Lesbian now because of that and also eddie and Chrissy are cute but I like them being platonic Soulmates more (like Robin and Steve)

All the other mlm ships i haven't mentioned, i either don't care, or don't like them, or am to lazy too mention them, if you wanna know my opinion, you can ask me!

If you disagree with anything I said, that's fine and idc, just don't hate on my opinions...sorry that I hated on stancy to all the stancy shippers tho ig?

Also sorry if I tagged anything wrong and some stuff is not tag because I'm lazy 👍

[cherubchoirs]

Wait what's the bad lazy take you always see

i’m answering this IMMEDIATELY bc the anger is still fresh lol 😤 and i do love to dispel these actually TWO lazy takes that i hate (so thank u anon for letting me vent)

bad lazy take #1: “yaldabaoth comes out of nowhere” this one comes first bc it’s the simpler of the two and it’s just SO blatantly false?? yaldabaoth is there from the beginning of the game as igor and he plays a pivotal role in the story, but i feel the “comes out of nowhere” argument hinges on the fact that he’s a very background element - igor is essentially a game mechanic, and so yaldabaoth’s reveal can ig feel sudden or out of place. and yet...i argue that’s the whole point. yaldabaoth, as the avatar for society and its ills, is a background figure, foundational and yet regularly ignored as the root of the problem. his entire inclusion in the story is wonderfully insidious, he’s woven into the plot as a granted, as something immutable and given, but he is the one committing all of the evil in a certain sense. it’s very apt for his position in the story, but even without that interpretation, yaldabaoth is present throughout and he’s a major figure in akira’s journey. again, this is often ignored, but he’s an authority figure akira comes to trust and rely on, knowing that igor expects greatness of him and he wants to live up to that. by definition, he doesn’t come out of nowhere because he’s well established and there are hints this igor is an imposter to anyone that’s played previous persona entries.

bad lazy take #2: “yaldabaoth is just a typical jrpg god final boss, he doesn’t make any sense in p5′s story” now THIS is the take that really frustrates me and the one i was primarily talking about in the tags of that post - the idea that yaldabaoth makes no sense bc people REALLY say out loud that atlus just threw in a god at random for the final boss. this is sooooooo lazy and really is the most shallow, literal interpretation someone could have, but i will say i don’t blame anyone for not immediately understanding yaldabaoth’s place in the story because it is a little confusing!! i just hate that a take with zero character analysis is used over and over as to why he’s a terrible villain, because yaldabaoth is absolutely representative and not at all meant to be literal. in my interpretation (there are others, so this is my personal take!), yaldabaoth is representative of society, how it is broken, and how it is constantly pushing for and moving toward an oppressive control that allows for no free thought. he shows how the current structure of society is inherently inhuman, that it does not effectively work for how humans should and deserve to function, and that it only serves to destroy our worth and sense of self to preserve itself instead of the people it’s meant to serve. yaldabaoth, and therefor society, ignores what humans actually want and need in order to maintain itself, a construct that wouldn’t even exist without the humans that created it. and so it is represented by a god that doesn’t heed the prayers of his people, by a god that twists cognition into bending to him (ie, those in power who lie and cheat to make the people believe they’re helping them) - as a character, he is the crux of p5′s themes of a cruel and uncaring society that does immeasurable harm to the humans living in it. society creates the monsters that were the palace rulers...and then blames it on individual fault. society causes people to be cruel and uncaring to one other...because it has purposefully commodified human suffering and actively punishes those who try to help. society has trapped all of humanity into its structures so completely no one can escape it, illustrated perfectly with yaldabaoth’s panopticon shrine. so uhhhh no he actually makes perfect sense in the story and the final villain of p5 isn’t god, it’s god representing the inhuman, unfeeling structure of society that’s become its own monster. and that is the only fitting final villain for the phantom thieves as a band of rebels.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCIII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

And you are not here... (Part I)

(13x01)

Hello beautiful people! We reached season 13!!! This was a very analyzed season, so, many of the things I will say won't be new. There wasn't much Destiel in the second half of the season, so, I hope we can have less volumes than season 12.

But, let's focus now in the angst, and when I speak about angst, I mean Mourning! Dean.

Priorities?

At the beginning of the episode we have Dean, down his knees by Castiel's dead body, he can't believe he just lost him, so, he is not thinking here, he can't thing in another fact more than Cas.

Sam feels he has not time for crying for his best friend, because he has to focus in saving the world: Lucifer's son had just born.

I always like to point the difference here: Why Sam can focus on the Mission right away and Dean can't? Is because the amount of the emotions and the meaning of this lost.

Don't forget they lost Mary too, but this is different.

Because Sam lost his mother, but because she didn't died, he keeps hopes in bringing her back. Because Jack is there, and he was the one opening the rift. He lost Cas, he saw him die, his best friend, but even so, he keeps going, he runs towards that cabin to find the Nephilim. Because just like Cas, even with the loses, he has to keep fighting, to try to save the world, Cas would do the same.

But for Dean Cas represents his Everything, his faith, his hopes, the love of his life. So the world just stopped there. And he can't think in anything else but the deep pain of loosing the man he loves.

Then the scene in the car is heartbreaking.

SAM: Hold on a second. Can we just talk about what happened back there?

DEAN: Sure. Which part? Let’s see. Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—(he pauses) Mom’s gone, and apparently, the Devil’s kid hit puberty in thirty seconds flat. Oh, and almost killed us.

This is Dean not wanting to say Cas is dead, this is Dean not being able to say Cas is dead. His worst nightmare became true.

SAM: Yeah, because you tried to shoot him.

DEAN: I tried to shoot the monster, Sam. It’s kind of what we do.

SAM: We don’t know what he is yet, Dean. And I had it under control.

DEAN: I’m sorry. Are you defending the Son of Satan?

SAM: I’m not defending anything. I’m just saying, look, with everything that’s happened, I’m obviously spun out also, but we need a plan.

DEAN: Yeah, kill him! Okay? That’s the plan. Look, right now all that matters is finding him, and ending him, before he hurts anybody else. And once we do that we’ll figure everything else out.

Again pointing at the difference between the two brothers. Sam is thinking strategically, but Dean wants to kill him, because he blames Jack of Castiel's death. Jack is a monster that deceived, used and killed Cas. So there's no doubt for Dean JACK IS A MONSTER AND HE MUST BE ELIMINATED. For Sam, Jack represents the hopes to get his mother back.

SAM: What about Cas? Is he - is he really dead?

DEAN: You know he is.

And this is terrible, Because Dean is answering this to himself. 'You know he is.' Is the fact he has to assume. But he is avoiding to do it.

"Angels are real too."

So sad when the angels find Castiel on the table. The contemptible way one of them referred to Cas breaks my heart, because is so fresh now his dead in 15x18.

1ST ANGEL: Castiel. Always knew he’d meet a bad end.

2ND ANGEL: He deserved better.

1ST ANGEL: No, he really didn’t.

This is so accurate now, is like hearing Misha wanting his big sacrifice for love as Castiel, and all the fandom repeating HE DERÑSERVED BETTER, trying to show the point, and the C*W and broniles saying NO, HE REALLY DIDN'T. But well... Just a bitter thought... For this angel, particularly, is referring to Castiel's choices, his repeatedly chosing Dean Winchester over Heaven.

When they arrive to the Burger Shop, Dean decides to stay in the car and wait for Sam.

The drunken girl, which results to be an angel, comes out from the same shop, and the camera shows us Dean's bruises in his knuckles. So, we can infer something happened...

The dialogue between the angel and Dean is very interesting, because she create a whole scenario and character:

DRUNK WOMAN: Anyway, Becky was - and I say this in the most feminist, screw the patriarchy way - a giant superbitch. She’d take things, and break things, and piss people off, and just do whatever she wanted, no matter who it hurt.

She will say after revealing who she really is, that Dean was Becky. And the way she speaks about this character is with the same contempt as the angel talking about Castiel. Because Dean is guilty of Castiel's fall and disobedience. He is the human that broke Castiel, and that's why Cas ended up dying.

Once in the police station, Dean tells all the truth to the sheriff, and when he speaks about angels... His face turns even more sad.

Gif credit @wanreina

Look how he drops his eyes and turns his face to the window. This is pure grief, pain, sadness. Because it was almost as if he was mentioning Castiel again. And it hurts too much.

We were witnesses of Dean's prayer to Chuck, mentioning he wanted Castiel back, pleading not just for him, but Mary and even Crowley. Desperate prelaying. And when he turned around, with this little hopes in being heated, and maybe finding everyone there, CAS, and then realizing they weren't, he exploded in anger, breaking the pirate on the door, and hurting his knuckles.

Still trying to make Cas to come back to him...

Goodbye Cas

When Dean was fighting against the drunken woman, now an angel, the dialogue between them is showing us again how Dean was still expecting to find a way to make Castiel come back to him.

MIRIAM: Because Bieber in there? He can do almost anything.

DEAN (hopeful): Anything?

MIRIAM: (Chuckles) Oh, sweetie. Almost anything. Castiel, he's dead.

Gif set credit @godshipsit 👇

Dean's grief all over his face while the little hope that had found it's way is slowly fading again, listening to these words. These words that Miriam says with pleasure.

This scene is showing us how Dean was only thinking about CAS, in how to bring him back, with desperation, he was longing for him so hard, even the angel perceived that emotion.

The other super sad scene was Dean preparing Cas' body for the funeral...

(the follow gifs are from @wanreina)

When he comes back to the cabin, he faces again the reality. Dean is down that sheet, dead. He stops just for a second, and swallows. Encouraging himself to keep walking towards him. Before doing that, he flicks his eyes away from the corpse.

Then he goes to his side, and sighs, and then breaths... The pain is all over him.

This is Dean realizing again Cas is gone. Look at the deep sadness in his face, while he is staring at him, maybe he is talking with him, asking Cas to come back to him. Then, he is swallowing again, hard, he looks away, because Castiel won't come back, Castiel is definitely dead, as the angel said. No one will bring him back, nobody is gonna help him to bring Cash back. The despair is huge. Yes he has to aknowledge that in his heart.

Okay I read somewhere that maybe Dean was praying here to Cas to come back again, then he sees Cas is still dead. But I really believe, Dean didn't stop praying to him, or to Chuck, because that was the only things he could do. What else? So maybe he was praying the whole time, putting his hopes in those so many times Chuck relived him, or Cas camber back to him. Trying to reach Cas somehow. But with each desperate prayer he was convincing himself Cas wouldn't come back, and this time he was dead, really dead. For ever. That's the pain in his heart. He was trying to wake him up, he was pleading for one last miracle, and not to burn his body in the pyre. So this was his last attempt to bring him back.

The last and hard scene was the funeral

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

"You say goodbye" Sammy's voice sound in the background and we see Dean's sad face. The pain and the grief. So different from Sam and Jack. And so different from another times when he had to burn his father, or friends. Nothing is gonna be norm from now. Because he lost Cas, the love of his life.

Visual Narrative: Just a little mention of Pirate Pete's Burger Shop. The place was in blue and red, (Cas and Dean), with references about the ship (Destiel), and jokes about the butt, and, according the Urban Dictionary, the Pirate Pete is a sexual joke too. So, we can maybe infer, base in how angels were mocking Dean and CAS relationship and how it ended in this episode, that place was related to it.

To Conclude:

This was just the beginning of Mourning!Dean, we will see him depressed and with no faith, no hopes. Ig gonna be alarming for Sam, and we will have one huge revelation in the episode in wich Billie will talk with Dean about his grief.

Hope you like the first meta from season 13, see you in the next ones!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

Buenos Aires, December 20th 2020, 6:03 PM

[ibelonginthepast]

okay I need your klance fic recs(i feel like you have really good taste)(i mean your icon is literally THE keith of course you have god tier taste)

okay so the thing is.. that when i say am kinda messed up and disgusting sometimes... and becoming a madwoman... am not over exaggerating or saying it in a funky way.. i actually am getting like that .. and that's how i got into the klance fandom initially. i project through lance and read really langsty fics.. and they are messed messed with like violent nsfw, gore, horror, serious mental health issues etc? so if u want those... i'll only send them if u want?

yeah tho i entered with this thingy that klance is gonna be like my guilty pleasure or some shit but them i inevitably fell in love with some GORGEOUS fanfictions out there and KEITH KOGANE in all shapes sizes genders and ages so lol...

but they aren't flowery. that's just not my taste. Some of them might be "problematic"? it's in quotes because i don't agree with it. it's not going to be problematic in plain ignorant sense like racial issues or blatant sexism or mental abuse.... but they might have like stuff which people dont always agree with like drugs. most of them would have nsfw it's just something that i need to have for feels and that's why i asked if u minded it. some things are like more subjective,, characterizations for example, cause like some people dont think keith is a skirt guy cause he isnt in fashion but i think he is petty and rebellious so he will defo do that? some of them would have like physical fights and stuff.. or keith and lance being mean to each other.. some ugly habits which aren't necessarily condemned like anger or drugs.? but with how i see it, it's not glorified, so i see them as human. i love the raw and ugly in these or idk its just human to me (but some people dont like which is completely valid cause we are all different from different environments and think different and resonate with different stuff.)

wait addition: i think some of them will have sexist themes? which i have complained about a lot before. i dont know why authors feel the need to somehow put women down to show how a mlm relationship without any women is superior or some shit it's annoying as fuck i hate it. i dont think i would have any especially sexist fics here, but there might be some with lowkey themes and bad handling of those issues. some of them mau have that subtext of disgusting heteronormative standards, but in subtext uk like bottom lance having a small waist and being giggly and all in contrast to big bulk keith.

here are some that i had bookmarked... but i may remember some more and then send them to u and or add them here...

a heads up.. i dont remember all of them very well. its been a while and i read fanfictions A LOT so yeah.. incase one slips up here which isnt very good am sorry dont judge me

the bold ones are the ones u should really check out if our taste is similar.

to begin with plain f l u f f,, my first klance bookmark was How Could I Say No? by Padfoots_Pawprint. tws for violence, bullying, injury BUT it's not actually gory or something like that it's just keith being keith and getting hurt and lance helping my boi like he should. it made me feeeeeeeel ksksk

this was one that kinda really touched me,, Wasted youth, Cryptids, and Waterboys by Baea THIS HAS EXPLICIT NSFW in it, the first chapter kicks off with it.. its a good fuck buddies to lovers in my opinion.. i love the writing style, the choice of how it's just a couple entries of random days in their lives. i love keith's characterization.. he is a hobo and a conspiracy nerd.. i love how down for him lance is, very dedicated. i love their growth.. i love how they help each other grow,, and it's so like real and usual day to day and human and down to earth idk how else to express it. this is INCOMPLETE. it's 12 chapters and discontinued as of now,, but it's not a deadly cliffhanger

similar in style and approach to the above. tho i think here is where it gets dubious. Easy, Tiger. by @/WhatTheBodyGraspsNot ... this is INCOMPLETE too and as of now discontinued. this has that sorta murky vibe with it's drug usage, them being teenagers in school and engaging in stuff like this, bad boy keith and all. this has nsfw too. i just remember really liking it and its very raw and unfiltered. tho it's incomplete it's not an open ending for now.

okay so i am restarting this but am upset as fuck that it all got deleted so i am gonna be lazy and not put as much effort as i did.

i have also Crowd Pleaser bookmarked by the same author,, this one's complete and it has some serious issues around gaslighting if i remember correctly... i really liked it then. keith is literally an angel here, i want to kidnap him and marry him literally. the s h w ee t e s t shit ,, and i like how lance gives him all the support and space to get his shit together

Drummer boy by klancekorner,, i think it's similar to the prev one, but lance's pov(which is what i prefer ngl). this authors fanfics are all just wholesome. i had put links to all their fics before, but imma now just say that u should go and check all their fics out. i have them all bookmarked, i must have seen something in them (can't remember what now tho and i cant be bothered to skim through them like last time *rolls eyes*)

War of hearts? idk why honestly, just ik keira has made me gay, and lesbian rejection angst? garrison? yes :) it's incomplete, conveniently left at the point where lance's heart is broken lol

Fuck buddies with benefits. THE NAME IS BAD I KNOW but i just love the idea of a dedicated mess of a keith and lance taking care of him. that's it that's the fic if i remember correctly. oh wait yeah u might think keith is not treating lance right, but i think it's fine if lance is treated a bit stupid. this is a bit too sex driven tho i dont like it but just SLEEPDEPRIVED KEITH TO TAKE CARE OF IMMA SIGN UP (ik this maybe coming off toxic but lol look at me)

Rambling: THIS WAS ME.

Last Defense: TW SUICIDE this is literally the langst i have for canon lance

I want something else: bad boy keith can break my limbs and cut my face and i will thank him

A thank you would be nice: keira damn

game-set-match: b a d b o y

I swear to go the devil made me do it: my typically fav trop, hardcore pining lance, literally perfect angsty keith. very similar to the top ones ig? idk also this one is one of my comparatively recent sane bookmarks so that's something. it starts off weird, u think it gon be subtly sexist but it turns out better so hold on

you've got me locked up: i think it's delinquent keith,, its floofy

Dad lance and tattoo artist keith: the name says it

damn while going through my bookmarks i realized that there are a lot of things i never bookmarked? i am pretty sure i loved a lot of long fanfictions, flower shop aus and tattoo artists shit wtf-

wait here's one, it's not complete: Blood jumps in the sun: it's very heavy has a lot of growth and kinda wholesome,, tags and summary will give u an idea what u getting in.

The lessons we learned: can't remember much other than florist keith, sad keith, smart keith, really long, pining

damn i think i have a lot of happy ones i didn't bookmark cause my brain was like u dont deserve the serotonin :( i'll add if i have more)

some actually angsty, detailed nsfw and messy (according to the way u interpret these) ones... lemoninagin.. they have some very detailed and explicit nsfw stuff but i am not there for it. some of it has the kind of angst i like? an actual one that i love and they recently posted and the reason am putting them here is infinitesimal. best friends to lovers and tho usually it's not my cup of tea.. it's a character study, an interpretation of klance in a modern world i dare say,, which is very similar to mine. the thing about them is that i like their characterization a lot, and in no love in this, i like what kind of background stories they give to klance in their aus. i haven't read many by them, so if u want u can check them out.

i just realized i have put some lowkey sad/fucked fics here... i did remove 5 rn... i hope its all good damn why am i doing this i feel like am putting myself naked out there when i recommend my favs

[miioouu]

rules: ship yourself with your favorite character and give headcanons on how your relationship would go

Omg I literally had a mental breakdown choosing!!! Like obviously i chose Baku, but i felt so bad for not choosing Sero like my baby deserves more love but..... I mean I'm a Bakugou slut what else can I say??

-OK so like I said before, it's either one of two options.

-We either hate, like absolutely despise each other.

-Or we best friends. Periodt.

-Though I prefer the first option so that's what I'm going for.

-I might seem nice and kind here, but irl, i will definitely roll my eyes everytime I hear his voice.

-I will cry out of cringiness in the middle of the class when he has some presentation (i hate to say that but..... I've actually cried bc someone i dont like was talking to the class idk what's wrong with me!!!)

-But, I feel like I'd be good friends with Sero and Kaminari, since I somehow for some unknown reason, get along with idiot trouble makers.

-And being the fake bitch I am, I'll try and be nice to Bakugo, bur HaHa not so fast.

-I usually insult people a lot but I hide it in like a joke format, But katsuki is having none of it and he'll start insulting me.

-I'll either insult him back and we have like a weird hatred but not really relationship.

-Or if I'm having a bad day I'll cry, and even if he's an a-hole, he'll still feep bad for making someone cry.

-After a while, our hatred relationship evolves and we find each other literally glued to one another.

-We'll probably sit in the back and judge what the teacher is wearing, what on earth is Pikachu talking about, you know normal mean stuff.

-We have.... Special nicknames for each other.

-Of course I'll always call him Bakubae, Bakuhoe, Bakuwhatever but in a more private setting, I'll call him Kat, pronounced Cat.

-Because I just like cats and he reminds me of those angry cats you see all over the internet.

-He'll probably just call me by my first name, and if he wants to annoy me, he'll call me by my middle name.

-But also in more private settings, he'll have sweet nicknames like Baby, babe or princess.

-Though I'll literally shoot daggers at him if he uses that last one.

-I don't think either of us are into dates.

-Fancy, romantic stuff are just beurk so it's probably more of hang outs at each other's house or at friend's.

-And if we do go on dates, it's something really lowkey, like movies or a simple lunch dates.

-OR OMG he'll take me to cat shelters because he likes to see me cry and suffer but I also always beg him to get me one and he gets annoyed.

-Our lock screen background is not each other pic, because you know, idk it's just cliché.

-But our home screen is probably a picture of us.

-Maybe me sleeping and he's taking the pic. Like one of the rare ones where he's smiling.

-We looove to make fun of stupid horror movies.

-Since neither of us gets scared, and let's be honest most of horror movies don't have a good plot, we're just laughing the entire time.

-Ok so sweeter hc.

-When I'm having a bad day, he always knows what to do. He doesn't cling to me and he lets me cry.

-He tells me that it's ok to cry and will listen to me angrily explaining to him what's going on.

-And if he's having a bad day, I'll the one to do all of that, I'll hold him and run my hair through his hair, wipe away his tears as I tell him how important he is to me.

-I probably overuse the words I love you, but when he always say it back, it just feels so special and I'll get all blushy.

-Ugh hugging him would be an absolute delight, I'd be the one hugging him, so so tightly while he's just standing looking at his phone or talking to someone.

-It might not sound the sweetest, but that's how I like my hugs.

-And on the rare occasion where he's the one hugging, his hands would wrap up so tight, I'll have to push him away to breathe.

-When we're just sitting around, with his head on my shoulder looking over it to see what I'm drawing, I'll probably take any pen and start doodling on his arm, hearts, animals, eyes, dicks.... Whatever and while he tries to erase them, he'll keep the 'I love you Kat"!!

-Ok weird thing I'd do, I'll try and convince him to dye his hair black, only cause blonds aren't my type.

-Omg the more i think about it the more i wonder how he's my fav??

-I always need someone to be honest with me and get me out of my confort zone, so he's the one doing so.

Ok and ig songs weren't on the original prompt but imma do it cause i like it.

Simple Love by The Digs

So fall into my arms

It's the only place to be

You're the fish and I'm the sea

Our love is a simple love

It's a simple love

It's a simple love

Les Hautes Lumières by Fauve

J'porte le blason de mon clan

Je l'ai désormais gravé sur la face visible de mon coeur

Mais ça ne fait pas mal rassure toi au contraire

J'ai fait broder nos souvenirs étincelants sur deux manteaux de nuit

Que m'ont offerts des frères tisserands, drapiers canuts

J'ai à la main mes haussières

Je suis prêt

Après la nuit

Avant le jour

Et à travers les roselières

Après la nuit

Avant le jour

Je t'offrirai les hautes lumières

(translation)

I wear the coat of my clan

I have now engraved it on the visible side of my heart

But it does not hurt be reassured on the contrary

I had our sparkling memories embroidered on two night coats

What the weaver brothers, canut drapers gave me

I have my hawsers in my hand

I'm ready

After the night

Before the day

And through the reed beds

After the night

Before the day

I'll give you the highlights

Thanks @necccomancy for the tag. I'll tag @bnha-homeroom and @1-800-callmekatsuki

[daesungindistress]

It's complete asinine that they are putting this intense pressure to clean up Seungri's mess on the other members. It feels suffocating to ME, so imagine how the members feel! It must feel like there's not a genuine supporting fan left! If Bigbang comes out of this hating vips and only continuing because they want to make music, never acknowledging their "fanbase" again, it wouldn't surprise me. What Seungri damaged, they worsened. They don't deserve a peep from the members ever again!!!

I will never understand it. Had it been Daesung who left BB, such as during the ordeal with his building last summer (which at the time, during the worst of it, a part of me worried he just might), I would never pin my expectations on the other members and presume that they’d try to change his mind and drag him back in. I wouldn’t be waiting around expecting it. And I wouldn’t be asking for or demanding it. Because being just a fan, decisions about these guys’ careers, as individuals and as a group, are not mine to make.

Look, I love all of BIGBANG but Daesung is what really holds me here. Without my bias I would pull back from fandom and enjoy BB’s music (or the members’ solo music, whatever they choose to do) in a more casual manner. Not spend a year plus over-analyzing every move they make and every word they say while selfishly harassing them into bringing back the main object of my affections. You would never catch me under their IG posts spamming “OT5 😍” and obsessively pointing out glimpses of Daesung in the background of every concert clip and tagging the members in fanmade posters promoting them as five when it was Daesung’s decision that brought that era of BIGBANG to an end.

I have so much respect for Daesung and how he handles his personal affairs that I find it hard to grasp that many of Seungri’s fans appear not to have the same respect for him and his decision-making abilities and autonomy. It really saddens me that there are VIPs who need to be reminded that Seungri made BIGBANG four. This fight for five these fans are still waging goes against not just everything BB OT4 need to claw their way back up from the damage he dealt them and hopefully succeed again, but also everything Seungri did to unchain himself so he could speak freely -- while supposedly protecting what was left of BB.

Yeah, he spoke freely alright. And in the process he made himself Korea’s most reviled. People set to work picking his excuses and explanations apart with every update, and in some cases, those he named in his own defense spoke up against him. I’m sure he knew there was a chance that would happen and he did it anyway. One last hurrah. I hope it was worth it.

Anyway, yeah, don’t think the stretches of silence from the members lately have gone unnoticed. They post, what, a few times a month now? And as far as we can tell, aside from Youngbae’s yellow square on the group’s anniversary, what they do share is so far removed from anything related to BIGBANG. It didn’t used to be that way. When they were gearing up for Coachella they seemed pretty stoked about it and brought back a bit of old BB content. And just last year TOP in particular was engaging with fans almost daily, liking and reposting fun fan edits, seemingly having the best time.

But all VIPs have done is use the members’ social media activity as ammo against each other, and OT5 VIPs have been especially neurotic about weaving any and every little thing into their support narrative, from counting emojis on Youngbae’s wife’s personal posts to analyzing the angle of rays of sunlight striking GD’s sweater. There were times a member would like a post, then unlike it, most likely because it was an accident or because they realized it would send the wrong message and changed their mind -- and of course fans who caught it in time lost theirs. Nevermind that VIPs are obsessively tagging the members in posts that have little to nothing to do with them and everything to do with Seungri, flooding their feeds in the hopes that they’ll have no choice but to see it, and better yet, interact with it. This fandom has gone absolutely wackadoodle, and though it sucks to feel so ignored, it’s probably in BIGBANG’s best interest if they just stay out of it.

It’s hard to be upset with the guys for taking a more hands-off approach with the fanbase for now. At least until things settle down, their plans for a comeback in a (post?) COVID world are sorted out, and they find a satisfactory solution to the intrafandom insanity. One that won’t drive Seungri’s fans, already eyeing them with distrust and disappointment, to turn truly vindictive when they “fail” to fulfill their expectations of total reconciliation.

[chilly-me-softly]

would you like to write one where You and Ben are best friends and do flirts a lot like everyone would think you guys are in a relationship. even Ben and You had a kind of promise that whenever Ben scores a goal you need to give him a reward no matters what he wants. One day he scored a goal, and he asked for the reward by giving him a kiss (lol idk if its weird) and ended up by making out🥺

You and Ben have been friends for so long, you don't even remember how long now. No matter what happens, you are always there for each other; he's that special person you would always call, even at night, because you know he would answer no matter the reason or what he is doing.You're so proud of him, you're not afraid to show it when you go to see the games he plays in, and Ben has certainly managed to make you known due to all the videos in which you're the victim of his jokes.

You're each other's anchor, always ready to cheer each other up if you  need it or kick your ass when you deserve it. And that kind of promise really did come about by accident. Often you used to do something like that to tempt each other to go on at a difficult time or just to challenge each other, to have a few laughs at each other's expense. There was the 'If you bring home that result, I'll buy you dinner to that place you like so much' or 'I bet you can't get that guy to give you his number' and stuff like that. But most of all you liked that Ben took himself a little bit more seriously as a player, that he realized more and more that he was indispensable to the team, to took more initiative.

So you came up with something before the start of that season. You still remembered how proud you were of him the previous season with that goal against Tottenham, even though the team had beaten them sensationally. But you were so excited about that goal that it was impossible to sulk about losing, and that's what you always aimed for.

'For every goal you score this season, you get to choose your prize. Anything you want, Chilwell'

You saw the determination in his eyes, and you regretted not putting up some boundaries because well Ben is unpredictable when it comes to collecting prizes. But a promise is a promise.

The first goal came in October, the first one that paved the way for that game that had seen Leicester win 0-9 against Southampton. And Ben is so happy, but he also played more than ninety minutes in the torrential rain so all he asks you is to snuggle up and enjoy the dinner you made him, because needless to say, once he got off the bus he came straight to you.

The second one arrives in February, and even if it's a draw at the end, there's no way you won't celebrate one of his goals so you wait for what he has to offer you.

"You're such a boring person Ben" you huff and puff by picking up the phone to do what he asked you to do, post on IG your voice text after his goal. You screamed like crazy for minutes, in the background the other fans who were cheering with you.

"Just post it" he giggles, crashed out on his couch.

"Done. But seriously, I thought you would have been more mean. But instead you've already scored twice and each time you were more banal"

"It's not my fault, you ask me right after the game and I don't have the strength to think anything complicated. Next time I'll take my time, okay?"

"Oh so you're already thinking of a next time" you grin raising your eyebrows, he throws you a pillow straight away. "Don't"

You take the pillow off your face and hold it to your chest smiling, happy that your little challenge is taking the right turn.

And there really is a third time. June is when it happens, the first game of the team after the quarantine stop. On the couch at home out of breath because you cheered like crazy at that goal that came after ninety minutes and even if they couldn't take home the three points, you don't care.

You didn't see each other except by video call, both with your families at that time, and you think it was the longest time you've been apart since you met. Even when you fight you don't spend so much time apart, in one way or another always in touch.

You give him some time to think, he already knows the first thing you will ask him as soon as you see him and you don't want him to complain again that it's your fault if he can't think of something more creative.

You see him the next day, he knocks on your door after texting you he was coming. "So?"

"Well, I might have something for you" he's vague as he walks over to the couch and you roll your eyes to the sky.

"Should I guess, or are you gonna tell me sooner or later?"

He giggles, moving slightly on the spot before looking at you. "Can I ask everything right?"

You nod, "Everything. Although maybe the only thing I wouldn't do is kill someone, I mean I'd help you bury them, but the biggest punishment would be yours" you shrug and he laughs, signalling you to go and sit next to him.

"Why would I want to kill somebody?"

"I don't know, that guy took all the glory out of you yesterday with that last-second goal..." you minimize it with a wave of your hand and he looks at you shaking his head.

"Relax, it's nothing illegal"

"Oh, thank god" you put your hand over your heart, relieved, and he sighs.

"So what I want as a reward is... a kiss. A real kiss"

"You what?" you ask wide-eyed, "what are we in high school Chilwell?"

"Why you're always complaining about everything?"

"You should know me by now" you shrug.

"But okay okay, every promise is a debt. I hope you didn't eat onions to make fun of me because I swear this is the time I'm gonna kill you"

He giggles while you're already inches closer to him, "Shut up and kiss me"

Your lips meet immediately afterwards, it's a little touch that proceeds insecure, almost as if you were afraid that he might burst out laughing at you at any moment and make fun of you for actually do it. You move away and your eyes fall automatically on his lips, one of your thumbs touches them gently while neither of you says anything. And then you take that hand to the back of his head, pushing him against your mouth again and give him the real kiss he wanted.

There's something inside you, a strange sensation that doesn't want to let go of that lips. You only do it when you run out of air, resting your forehead on his because in the meantime you've even straddled him.

"We need to talk"

"Yeah, but keep kissing me now" and you don't make him tell you again, the mess you're feeling inside will sort itself out later.

Tag: @emwritesfootball

[bucksbisexual]

your side was my favourite place

also on ao3

Summary: Tine wasn’t by his side and it hurt.

Words: 1196

Tags: #broken up sarawatine, #post break-up, #sad, #hurt, #there’s tears... quite a few of them, #post ep12, #pam is mentioned, #obviously, #earn is also mentioned, #manboss too, #not tagging them because they deserve better than this mess

He was mad.

Mad at the band, for taking so much of his time and not being able to spend more afternoons with Tine watching whatever dumb show was on t.v. and criticising every decision and little thing the characters did.

Mad at Pam, for showing up right after everything had felt perfect with Tine and confessing to him like she didn't know he had a boyfriend.

Mad at whoever made Tine feel so insecure that he couldn't tell him how he felt over certain things, for making him misunderstand what he saw before he ran away with tears in his eyes.

But, who he was more mad at, was himself. He was mad at himself for not paying attention, for not declining Pam's offer, for not filming that video of Time and him playing the guitar and uploading it on his IG, for hiding the fact that Pam had asked him to write a song for her, for making Tine cry and feel physically sick, for messing with Tine's trust, for breaking Tine's heart.

Now, with the moon shining way too bright for his liking, he layed in their bed and he was all alone.

He didn't know when it had happened, but Tine had packed some of his stuff (and, unknowingly, a few of Sarawat's shirts) and, not forgetting with his guitar, he left. He also left a note on their desktop and Sarawat's heart broke as soon as he read it.

"We're over.

I'll come back to get my things soon.

- Tine"

Tears filled his eyes just by thinking of how he didn't have Tine anymore. All that effort put into making Tine like him just a little bit as much as he liked Tine and all that time spent into making Tine believe he actually liked him went down the drain.

How was he so stupid? How could he have missed all the signs? Why didn't he try to talk with Tine about Pam being back into his life? Why did his brain ignore the discomfort in Tine's face whenever he had to teach Pam how to play the guitar? They should've talked about it. They should've come into an agreement or, at least, told each other what was bothering the other.

But they didn't, and now he could only stare at Tine's side of the bed while tears rolled down his face and to his pillow, wishing he could've done something different.

---------------------

Waking up that day was hard.

He cried until he fell asleep so his eyes hurt when he opened them up, the sun being at its highest and entering through the windows like it owned the place. He realised he had missed band practice but he couldn't care less.

He grabbed his phone to tell Earn whatever excuse his half-sleep brain could come up with and he saw his lockscreen. Tine. He looked so pretty, just like he always did, but that picture in specific made Sarawat speechless. He looked sopretty.

Out of reflex, he turned his head to Tine's side of the bed to tell him his thoughts like he usually did and see his blush slowly paint his cheeks and chest, but he found it empty. It hit him that Tine truly left and wasn't coming back and he didn't even try to stop the tears coming from his eyes.

It hurt. He could still smell Tine's scent on the pillow right next to him, but he didn't want to touch it incase it went away. He didn't know how much time he spent looking at it while he cried his heart out, the only thing that brought him back to reality being the sound of his phone receiving a call. Sarawat wiped his eyes with the sheets and saw the contact name.

"Earn"

He waited until she hung up before sending her a text.

Sarawat:can't peak it up i'm in the bathroom

Earn: o need to get into detail there dude. Will call you later then.

He hoped that call never came because he knew he couldn't lie to her, she would catch him lying and come over, and he definitely didn't need that.

He looked through all of his other unread messages, all of them being from Man and Boss talking about meeting up and teasing Sarawat on the reason he wasn't replying, reminding him of the bouquet they bought him all those weeks ago, the memory of which bringing a little smile into his face. Tine's innocence shone that day and he admits he wanted to make him know about so many things, but they weren't in that phase yet. And they would never be, his brain added.

He spent a few more hours there, staring at nothing, thinking about everything and crying some more, when he realised that he hadn't had any food since he had come back home the night before. His stomach made a sound just as that thought went through his head and he sat up in his bed.

Okay Sarawat, we can do this, he told himself, we can get up and order some food. It won't be hard.

He reached for his phone and got up. He ignored Tine in his background and ordered from the app of the take out place they have ordered from a thousand times since they moved. He always ordered the same thing so ordering came easy to him, but this time he had to check before he finished his order incase he added anything only Tine would eat, and Sarawat would be lying if it didn't hurt just a tiny bit too much.

After it arrived, he prepared the table and started eating. As he was eating his green curry, a memory came to his head. Tine and his brother sitting in front of him and Type being so strict over the line of tape on the table and the whole house that he couldn't eat his favourite food, Tine saying exactly that. A little smile grew on his lips as he looked at the plate in front of him, Tine had asked what his favourite food was during the first weeks of knowing each other and he still remembered after all those months.

He knew Tine wasn't there, but he still looked up. Maybe, if he closed his eyes and opened them again, Tine would be there and this nightmare would be over. He tried. It didn't work. Tine wasn't there smiling at him and stealing his food, even when he knew he couldn't handle spicy food. Tine wasn't there, and it hurt.

He hadn't even finished his plate but he got up, not feeling hungry anymore. He covered all the plates left with food with clean plates and put them in the fridge.

He decided to take a shower after that and if he cried at the memory of every time he had joined Tine in his showers and washed his hair while Tine had his eyes closed, taking advantage of it and giving him kisses on his cheeks, nose and lips, he would blame it on Tine for leaving his sponge there right next to his.

[blackmissfrizzle]

Not Your Grandmama’s Captain America

Title: Not Your Grandmama’s Captain America- Sequel to America’s Ass

Characters: Bucky Barnes x black!reader, Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers, T’Challa and Shuri (mentioned)

Summary: The reader questions herself in her new role as Captain America

Word Count:

Warnings: Implied Smut and fluff

With the death of Tony Stark, Justin Hammer thought he could be the weapons juggernaut of the world once again. Only problem was he tended to sell his weapons to gangs, mercenaries, and terrorists, causing you, Sam, and Bucky to put in overtime.

You were currently fighting a man almost three times your size who was trying to stop you from seizing the vibrianium bullets Hammer intended to sell. And oh boy, his big ass was giving you a hell of a time.

At times you would forget that Steve passed the mantle of Captain America onto you until you felt the weight of the shield on your arm. Remembering that you had one of the world’s most infamous weapon at your disposal, you threw your shield at the big guy effectively knocking him off his feet.

“Took you long enough. Steve Rogers would’ve already taken me down. Maybe you’re not cut out to be Captain America.” The man gloated like he hadn’t just got his ass handed to him.

“It’s true that Steve would’ve knocked yo ole big Deebo lookin’ ass out faster, but” you waved your hands up and down your body, “this ain’t your grandmama’s Captain America.” Then you sent a nose crunching kick to the man’s face, sending him to an instant nap.

Grabbing the bullets, you heard another dumb argument between Sam and Bucky as they entered the room.

“Man, bullshit! I saved your ass, just admit it,” Sam claimed.

Bucky outwardly groaned and rolled his eyes. “Listen, Parrot, I had it under control. I knew that guy was behind me.”

“Is this how it’s always gonna be with you two? Because if that’s the case I’m going up in space with Aunt Carol and my dad.”

Sam grabbed the case of bullets and kissed you on the cheek. “We were always like this. The only difference now is that you’re the only one to break us up.”

Bucky ran up to the two of you and pushed Sam away from you. “Keep your bird beak off my girlfriend!”

The two of them were about to argue again, but you kicked both of them in the shins to get them to shut up.

“Fuck, doll!”

“What the hell Fury?”

Both grabbed their injured shin and hopping on one leg, howling in pain.

Pulling from the memories of your dad giving you many lectures, you conjured up the spirit of your father and threatened your best friend and boyfriend. “If you two don’t get it together, imma buy you a get along shirt and make you walk around in public with it. Okay?”

Each nodded their head furiously, hating the idea of being stuck in a t-shirt with the other.

Once they got their bearings, Sam and Bucky handed off Hammers’ men to the feds while you were talking to T’Challa about the bullets.

“We’re all good here, Cap. What did T’Challa say?” Bucky’s noticed at how your eyes slightly watered at your new nickname, but he didn’t dare address it at that moment. He knew you didn’t want to show any vulnerability while you were in public with your suit on.

“Thanking us for getting the bullets. In two days, we’ll be going to Wakanda to give them to the Wakandans.”

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God! Shuri can fix your suit.”

You looked down at your suit in disbelief. Shuri had done a good job you thought. She made the suit for your body and made it out of vibranium. The Wakandan princess was ecstatic that you were the new Captain America and said what was the point of a vibranium shield without a vibranium suit.

“What’s wrong with my suit?” You asked crossing your arms and drawing your eyebrows.

“That.” Bucky commented while pointing at your ass. He waved his hands in the shape of your body. “It’s too form fitting. How can I concentrate on beating someone’s ass when I’m too busy looking at yours?”

“Ugh, maybe I need to find someone to beat your ass so you could focus on saving yours.” You stuck your tongue out and laughed at him.

Bucky shuddered at the thought of having to fight more people. “Never mind. It’s perfect.”

------

Later that night you were sitting between Bucky’s legs on the bed while he helped twist your hair. The two were working in peaceful silence when Bucky thought it was the perfect time to bring up what happened earlier.

“Hey babe.”

“Hmm?”

“Earlier today when I called you Cap, your eyes almost watered. What’s up with that, babe?”

Grateful that your back was to Bucky, you answered him quicker than you would if you would’ve been facing him.

“Do I really deserve to be called Cap or even be Captain America? I know Steve thought it was a good idea, but I’m not sure. Some of my old SHEILD coworkers doubt me and I was the best damn agent there. Hell, even the damn criminals don’t think I’m up to snuff.”

Bucky dropped the twist he was working on and firmly gripped your chin to face him. “Listen to me real good, doll. You’re the best person for the job, Stevie wouldn’t have chosen you if he didn’t think so. Now, if anyone else got some shit to say point them my way and me, my knife, and them can have a talk.”

You laughed through some of your tears and kissed your boyfriend. Bucky was serious about stabbing anyone who did you wrong. “Thanks, babe. But I don’t think the stabbing is necessary.”

“I didn’t say anything about stabbing anybody,” Bucky’s voice raised a couple of octaves higher.

As you opened your mouth to respond, your phone vibrated, alerting you to a text.

“Babe, Sam just told me to turn on the news. Grab the remote please.”

Bucky followed your directions and Steve filled your tv screen. Both you and Bucky exchanged looks, asking if the other knew why Steve was on tv, but both of you were in the dark.

“Hello, everyone it’s Steve Rogers. I should’ve done this a long time ago, but better late than never. The other day, I was out getting a cup of coffee and I heard someone talking down on Captain America. Not me, Captain America, but your new Captain, Y/N Fury.”

You scooted out of Bucky’s lap and closer to the tv, turning up the volume making sure you didn’t miss a word Steve said.

“I don’t know how many of you have been loved or protected by a black woman, but I’m gonna assume it’s a lot, judging by the amount of people talking smack. Y/N being Captain America is the best thing that’s happened to the world. She will fight for you and be in your corner despite all the dumb things you do and won’t be afraid to tell you what you did wrong. That’s what you get when you have a black woman as Captain America. That’s what you get when you have Y/N Fury as Captain America. And if you don’t like it, I guess you’ll just have to be mad, because she’s not going anywhere.” At the end of his statement shrugged his shoulders, blue eyes twinkling with mirth, and left his seat.

Steve soothed all your worries. He got on tv, which he hated, and basically told those who couldn’t get on board to go fuck themselves.

Feeling like your old self, you grabbed your phone and logged onto IG live. “Hey everyone, sorry for my hair looking a mess.” You ran your fingers through your untwisted hair. “Anyways I just wanted to say…Steve Rogers just told y’all to stay mad cuz my black ass is the new Captain America!!!” Laughing obnoxiously into the screen, you then stuck your tongue out, while Bucky was in the background slightly embarrassed and proud at the same time.

I keep it realer than real

Fuck all the critics and fuck how they feel

I'm getting money, it is what it is

They wanna know how I did what I did

Don't worry 'bout why I do what I do (bitch)

'Cause I ain't worried bout you (bitch)

You were singing along to the chorus of Megan the Stallion’s song to share your feelings to your haters, while most of your followers were sending you heart eye emojis and commenting ‘that’s my Captain America.’

Bucky decided it was time to end your live when you began twerking. He didn’t want everyone to see what you were working with. So, he snatched the phone and quickly ended your live video. “That’s enough of that.”

“Buck, what was that for? I was only showing them what America’s ass could do.” Your boyfriend instantly turned red and you achieved your goal. You loved messing with Bucky and making his possessive side show out.

“I don’t remember America having your ankles up to your ears and screaming out in ecstasy last night.” Bucky gave you a crooked smirked as he cockily referenced your bedroom adventures.

“Anyway, do you feel better?”

You returned to Bucky’s lap and straddled him. “Yeah. I’m sure I’m gonna have my off days, but you, Sam, and Steve will be there to pick me up.”

Bucky pecked your lips with his pink ones. “You got that right. I’m with you til the end of the line.”

This time it was your turn to kiss Bucky and it was deep and passionate. You were telling Bucky you loved him without words. Sniffling between a few fallen tears you whispered to your boyfriend, “I love you.”

Rubbing his nose against yours, Bucky whispered back, “I love you too, Captain.”

 Tags: @chaneajoyyy @marvelmaree @wakanda-inspired @blackreaders-assemble @dumbchick @pastelastronomy24 @nickidub718 @toniilaney @amethyst09 @youwishiwasyobabymama @disaster-rose @destinio1 @dessianna1 @blacknthemix @blackpinup22 @euphoric05 @bitchacho25

[migleefulmoments]

“she had to know she was making a sacrifice and all that comes with it. Not the same as a rape victim. gross comparison” I’m the one who initially made this analogy and it’s not what I meant AT ALL. I don’t mean the emotional pain is similar, some online bullying vs. sexual assault aren’t even on the same wavelength. I mean THEIR comments are similar. They blame her the same way people tell women they deserved unwanted attention because of what they were doing/wearing. Way to twist my words.

Like I can’t tell if they genuinely believe all of that or if they’re just that oblivious and/or dense. I was comparing them to victim blamers. That’s what they do.

**********************************

Your point was clear-Nonnie was either obtuse or purposefully trolling to stir things up. I will add that most of their followers are teens. The point might have been lost on them. 

Let’s start by with your original ask and my response:  

Anonymous Asked: “M put herself in the spotlight “dating” D. If she didn’t want that attention, she would have stayed in the background” this has the same energy as “you chose to wear that, you deserved to be catcalled”. Mia STAYS in the background for the most part. Posing on a red carpet gives us no insight into who she is. They literally seek her out on her friends socials. And they met well before his career took off so no, she probably didn’t expect it to turn into this

Me: Their attitude- that Mia deserves to be attacked and criticized because she fell in love with a man who then became famous and whom they have a crush on makes my skin crawl. It is like the “wear a short skirt and you deserve being raped”. It’s also how they justify their abysmal behavior. They went on to argue that Mia deserves criticism but Abby isn’t dating a famous man so she didn’t deserve the “awful attack”.  They like to bring up the Fame is Other People (X) interview Mia gave in 2016 where she says she never imagined herself with someone famous. They still ridicule her for not leaving Darren the minute he started getting famous.  It’s so fucked up.  

Now their conversation today

Anonymous asked: They're comparing people saying M chose to forgo privacy when she "fell in love" with D to people getting accused of deserving rape for wearing short skirts. Uhhh...NOT THE SAME THING but ok. I personally don't condone hating on anyone (I never publicly disparage M for example, despite my private thoughts) but by tying her life to a public figure, whether for love or not, she had to know she was making a sacrifice and all that comes with it. Not the same as a rape victim. Gross comparison.

cassie1022 answered: Nonnie, I’m not even surprised they went there. They’re vile, just like their kween. I don’t hide my feelings about M and I’m not going to, she absolutely knew what she was getting when she signed on to be D’s beard. She WANTS the attention, and as she’s a narcissist, she doesn’t care if it’s positive or negative attention.

Personally, I’ve decided I don’t care enough to look at their blogs anymore and when I get their mean as hell Anons, I’m blocking. They claim we’re obsessed with their blogs when they literally dissect every post we make. Someone’s obsessed. It’s not us.

notes-from-nowhere answered: Hold on. Why are we talking about M as if the notoriety had fallen on her head all of a sudden? It’s not because of D if she is known by others besides her parents. It’s because she pushes herself in front of him every chance she gets. She take away from him every merit often by making things looks like they come from her brain (Hedwig first for example) and she jumps on the red carpets even before he does. She shares her whole life through social media. D’s accounts, her friends’s accounts, enablers’s accounts. Her fake accounts. She tags in her posts every celebrity that crosses her path. Her only job in life seems to be open (and never close) social media accounts.

What are these people even talking about? Now we reached the point of denying even what she does so she can fits better their theories?

This is hilarious. I swear.

leka-1998 answered: Poor girl, forced to do all this.

I don’t even want to waste time thinking about how ridiculous it is that this behavior isn’t surprising.

flowersintheattic254 answered: I’m appalled at the comparison. God her fans are hypocrites. She wants notoriety via any means fair or foul and then screams victim if it’s questioned.

It’s the same argument that she is above criticism because she’s woman and therefore isn’t accountable for her actions.

Let’s remember V day. Nobody told her to get high with B in the PR house and post those pics. You reap what you sow. People smell fakeness and she reaks of it.

***************************

One thing I learned very quickly when answering anons is that due diligence pays off. Responding to an anon’s summary of what someone else said can backfire if they misrepresent what was said. If the anon reports something untoward was said- whether by design or by mistake- and I spent 2 paragraphs berating that statement that was never said then I am the fool. Taking 5 minutes to read the post myself has paid off many times and every time I have taken something I know nothing about at face value- it’s bitten me in the ass. Had any of the ccers bothered to actually read the post they would have realized that Nonnie misrepresented the point. They still would have written something angry and pretended to be so “shocked” by how “vile” we are but at least they would have had a shot at not being the fool.  

--------------------- My comments in Italics; they are in regular font 

Cassie:  

Nonnie, I’m not even surprised they went there. They’re vile, just like their kween. Nobody has ever said anything on my blog that could be construed as Mia is our kween. I don’t really understand the value of bringing up things nobody said as part of one’s argument. It’s proof of how desperate they are to be right and how easily they bend the truth to fit their needs. They wouldn’t know how to be authentic and honest if their lives depended on it.  

I don’t hide my feelings about M and I’m not going to, she absolutely knew what she was getting when she signed on to be D’s beard. She WANTS the attention, and as she’s a narcissist, she doesn’t care if it’s positive or negative attention. It’s hilarious that Nonnie claimed she doesn’t disparage Mia publically as part of their argument as to why they are better than us but Cassie being the charmer that she is, responds with “I don’t hide my feelings about M and I’m not going to”.  I could argue that Cassie knew what she signed on for when she started her crisscolfer blog-she even shares her cc beliefs on her Twitter!  

She WANTS the attention, and as she’s a narcissist, she doesn’t care if it’s positive or negative attention I find it so odd that Cassie is diagnosing Mia with mental illness yet just yesterday she was raging that Metaloma and I diagnose Abby. Hypocrite much? It is mind-boggling that she believes Mia is a narcissist but can’t see that Abby actually is. I bet the Abby-less Crisscolfer fandom will find Mia isn’t nearly as narcissistic and evil without Abby to write the storyline and talk about her nonstop. 

Personally, I’ve decided I don’t care enough to look at their blogs anymore and when I get their mean as hell Anons, I’m blocking. They claim we’re obsessed with their blogs when they literally dissect every post we make. Someone’s obsessed. It’s not us. Not reading my blog was a critical mistake because she would have realized that Nonnie was misconstruing the comment. Did someone claim they are obsessed with our blogs- I certainly didn’t- or is this another one of those claims that never happened?   

---------------------

Notes:

Hold on. Why are we talking about M as if the notoriety had fallen on her head all of a sudden? Nobody is talking as if notoriety had fallen on her head all of the sudden. Notes would have really benefited from reading the original post because neither Notes or I have a clue what post she is responding to.  

It’s not because of D if she is known by others besides her parents. It’s because she pushes herself in front of him every chance she gets. She take away from him every merit often by making things looks like they come from her brain (Hedwig first for example) and she jumps on the red carpets even before he does. I love the trope that she jumps in front of him on every red carpet because it proves how willing they are to outright lie to get their message across. She literally stands with Darren in front of the photographers for a couple of seconds at the end of Darren’s allowed period. Darren poses for dozens of photos and we see 2 or 3 pics of Mia and Darren-that is hardly jumping on the carpet before he does. As for taking away every merit- omg give it up. This is one of the dumbest tropes the fandom hangs on to. Mia WAS Hedwig before Darren was -the Halloween picture is around somewhere. Mia didn’t make the statement her friend did. We know the ccers don’t understand friendships but when they get pissed about the Hedwig comment they should refer to this post (X) where they declared “Just like I 100% stand with @ajw720,” and “I support @ajw720, I don’t believe Mi@rren is real and you cannot silence us!!!!”. Friends say things about other friends to connect with that person and show support. They weren’t trying to diss Darren. They never intended rabid Darren fans to even SEE the post-it was intended for their friends and nobody else.   

She shares her whole life through social media. THIS IS my FAVORITE comment of all. WTF? Where does Mia share her whole life through social media? Cuz I’d love to see it! The fact is, you are lying...you’re just outright lying. Mia shares nothing via social media. She stopped her Twitter when she quit playing music and she has a private IG account.  

D’s accounts, her friends’s accounts, enablers’s accounts. Her fake accounts. She tags in her posts every celebrity that crosses her path. Her only job in life seems to be open (and never close) social media accounts. Darren’s accounts? If Mia had control of Darren’s accounts, Mia would be plastered all over it but in reality, neither Darren nor Mia is active on public social media and they certainly aren’t sharing their lives. Nobody uses their friends’ accounts to plaster themselves. God, this trope is so stupid. Enabler’s accounts? Who the hell are her enablers? Where are these enabler posts just full of Mia’s every move? Her “fake accounts” is the best one though. Here we have some random person trolling the cc fandom and they Eat. It. Up. FetusMiarren hasn’t posted since August 11. Who the hell closes social media accounts? The reality is that Abby spent all day every day talking about MIa. The only person promoting Mia full time was Abby. The reason Notes believes that all these accounts are Mia sharing her whole life is because Abby stalked those accounts and then talked about each post for days. 

What are these people even talking about? Now we reached the point of denying even what she does so she can fits better their theories? I ask you the same question “What the hell are you talking about?” If you had actually taken the time to read the original post instead of working yourself up to a red-faced, foot-stomping rant, you would know what I was talking about and avoided this ridiculous, off-topic rant-fest. 

This is hilarious. I swear. Back at ya! 

--------------------- 

Flowers: 

I really love Flower’s response:  I’m appalled at the comparison. God her fans are hypocrites-I’m not sure how we are hypocrites because of a valid comparison.  

She wants notoriety via any means fair or foul and then screams victim if it’s questioned. Mia didn’t make the comparison- I did. Mia doesn’t know me, she didn’t dictate I made the comparison by “any means foul or fair”  

It’s the same argument that she is above criticism because she’s woman and therefore isn’t accountable for her actions. Wait...who in the hell made the argument that she isn’t responsible for her actions because she’s a woman? I’ve seen a lot of fake arguments like this in the last 3 days. Again, I don’t really understand the value of bringing up things nobody ever said as part of one’s argument. It certainly doesn’t lend credibility. 

Let’s remember V day. Nobody told her to get high with B in the PR house and post those pics. You reap what you sow. People smell fakeness and she reaks of it. Aaaaannnndddd she wraps up her comment with one of the fandom’s favorite gaslight moments- Valentine’s day with Ben.  

[hookedontaronfics]

First Contact series - Part 9

Title: First Contact - Part 9 Read the previous installments here: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 Rating: M Pairing: Taron x OC Warnings: Cursing, smut, and some mentions of violence [trigger warning] A/N: I don’t want to give away too much so you’ll just have to read it for yourself. Some sweet bits, some sexy bits and possibly a cliffhanger! So good luck, and enjoy! x

“Morning, love.”

Those two simple words held so much promise in them as I cracked my eyes open to see Taron’s sweet face smiling back at me. I yawned slightly and stretched out, checking in with my own body and realizing I wasn’t really all that sore from last night’s escapade. But oh, I still felt deliriously happy and deliciously satiated.

“S’good morning,” I mumbled back sleepily, getting an amused chuckle from Taron. I had proven very quickly during this vacation that I wasn’t a morning person. To be fair, neither was Taron.

“We should maybe get up and go enjoy our last day here, love,” he said cutely, nuzzling his face against my neck and kissing my skin there, his hand tracing a slow line over the strip of skin exposed at my waist, as my sleep shirt had ridden up a bit. Good God, this man was going to be the death of me, I thought, his touch igniting something deep inside.

“I think I’d be okay if you just wanted to stay in bed all day,” I laughed, a bit breathlessly.

“Much as I agree with that,” he said, finally rolling over and getting off the bed, “I really think we should try and see something else,” he smirked. I pouted slightly at him and he just laughed as he wandered off to the bathroom, and I couldn’t help but admire his bare torso. I eventually crawled out of bed and pulled on some clothes, grabbing my phone and flipping through my notifications, smiling over all the sweet comments that had been pouring in over the few pictures Taron and I had chosen to share on our social media profiles. It hadn’t been a secret exactly, but I think we were finally “out” as a couple to the world now. This trip had made it stunningly clear that Taron wanted me in his life.

“What’re you smiling on about?” he grinned as he returned, catching me probably looking a bit dreamy over that fact.

“Us,” I grinned. “Everyone’s been so kind about me.”

“Why would they not? You make me incredibly happy, and you’re stunningly gorgeous,” he said, leaning over and stealing a kiss before going to grab clothes himself.

“Well, Mr. Egerton, I did happen to take you off the market,” I smirked over at him, and he just snorted at that.

“What am I, a beef steak?” he laughed, shaking his head.

“A very handsome beef steak, yep!” I said brightly, unable to keep a straight face as we both lost our shit over that. I actually had to wipe tears out of my eyes at that one; maybe it wasn’t so funny to anyone else, but we were losing it.

“So anyway, what’s the game plan for today? Other than once again sweeping me off my feet?” I grinned.

“We should get breakfast, first of all,” he said.

“Right, always a foodie,” I giggled lightly.

“Then I think we should spend some of our day on Lokrum,” he grinned. “I’ve heard lovely things about the Botanical Garden there. We can just take our time together. I don’t want this day to go too fast.”

“Me either,” I agreed softly at that.

We grabbed a bite from the hotel’s breakfast and while we ate I decided to catch back up with Jules and Mary. We’d texted a few times briefly of course, but I had wanted to spend most of my time actually enjoying my trip and Taron. Still, I figured they probably deserved an update now.

<So loves, my last full day in Dubrovnik. I’m kinda sad to be seeing it end, it’s been the best trip of my life!> I sent in a group text.

<Julesy: Oh my god, about time you let us know you were still alive! We were beginning to worry!>

<Mareee!: Don’t mind her, we knew you were having fun as you should be!>

<It’s been amazing. The food, and the beaches here, and just, everything is so lush and historic and even the pace is slower so you can relax and it’s quite nice. But you’ve seen my pictures on IG! Come on now!>

<Mareee!: It looks SO nice, and you and Taron are very cute together. I’m glad you decided to post some pics of you together!>

<Yeah, we had to discuss it a bit, but … We decided it was time.>

<Julesy: Now the one thing Mary and I should know, though, is this: Are you returning as an Egerton virgin or no?>

<Oh. My. Freaking. God. ….. NOPE!> I couldn’t help giggling like an idiot over what I had sent and Taron raised an eyebrow at me, but I just shook my head. “Texting the girls, you know,” I smirked, and he only went ahhhh as if he understood. My friends’ responses chimed in quick succession.

<Julesy: That’s my girl!>

<Mareee!: What was it like, you have to tell us!!>

<Oh my gosh it was everything. It was truly everything. But I can’t say more right now, I’m sitting across from T at this moment and my face is probably beet red!>

<Mareee!: Ohhhh, well we’re very very happy for you!>

<Julesy: Yep, now we don’t have to worry about you so much.>

<Thanks, I think? I luv ya, I luv ya both. But must dash. Talk more later, we’re going to the island!>

I stashed my phone away and quickly finished my food before we were off to catch the ferry over to Lokrum. I was excited to just have a quiet easy day with Taron. The Botanical Gardens were every bit as gorgeous as they had been made to seem; we walked hand-in-hand under the cypress and olive and palm trees and took far too many pictures of the peacocks that roamed freely. It was surprisingly not busy, which was nice. There were honestly times we could have felt it was our own private island.

We happened upon a super pretty spot and chose to take a selfie together with the stunning background behind us. We managed (after some retakes. Taron needs some selfie lessons…) to take a really nice one where we both actually looked pretty (thank goodness) but then Taron decided to kiss me on the cheek and I had my eyes scrunched closed and that’s the photo he chose to post on Instagram with “This woman has my heart” as the caption.

“Oh gosh, T, this is a bit full on, isn’t?” I asked, turning to him after checking the post myself since he’d tagged me.

“Just the truth,” he said nonchalantly, like he didn’t realize how difficult this all was to process that he really felt that way about me.

“It’s not too soon and sudden to claim that? We’ve only known each other what, three months or something? A handful of encounters and a couple dates and then spending a month apart?” I asked, a bit skeptical.

“To claim what? That I love you? Because I do. That’s not a difficult thing to do, Jess,” he said sweetly, reaching over to caress my face gently. “Feelings don’t have to exist on a timeline. And maybe I’m quick to arrive at mine but I know what I have in front of me.”

I’m pretty sure my brain flatlined at that moment. The L-word, he’d actually said it, and I had no idea what I was supposed to say back. He was watching me expectantly, I think, but when I didn’t - couldn’t - figure out how to respond he sighed slightly. “It’s okay, I know what you’ve been through. You don’t have to say anything back. I just needed you to know how I felt,” he said,  tugging on my hand to keep us walking. 

I tried to ignore the mixture of disappointment and understanding on his face, but it dug at me as we walked in silence. Why was it so hard to just blurt it out myself? I thought. I wasn’t afraid of Taron, no. But moving into something closer, and more intimate, more vulnerable, I didn’t feel remotely ready for. There was a deeper responsibility for and reliance on emotion that I wasn’t sure I could handle giving to Taron just yet.

We ate at the little cafe on the island and found one of the beaches to sit at under some shade from the trees. I had nestled between Taron’s legs, leaning back against him and it was rather comfortable as he had his arms wrapped around me sweetly. We were just watching the waves break over the shoreline, whiling away the time and trying to ignore the fact that this trip would soon be over.

“This has just been … the best day I’ve ever had,” I sighed softly. “It’s felt rather magical to be away from everything else and to just be us here.”

“I would agree. I’ve loved every minute of this, but I think I’m quite ready to get back to the hotel and relax out of this hot sun for a bit.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I said, as we both scrambled to our feet, wiping sand off as much as possible. We took the ferry back across and another taxi to our hotel, and I realized this was truly my last evening here. It made me a little sad, the feeling that the reality of going back to work and London and normal life was going to change how things felt between us. I knew it was an irrational fear, but it was bothering me.

I’m not sure what Taron was up to at the moment but I decided to make sure some of my clothes that had gotten scattered about the room were packed back in my suitcase. I smoothed my fingers over the lacy lingerie and couldn’t help but smile as I remembered last night.

“Hey, T!” I called out.

“Mmm, yeah?” his voice asked from the bathroom. The door was open so I wandered in, leaning against the door frame. He was leaning over the jacuzzi tub we hadn’t even used and I couldn’t tell what he was doing.

“Are you hungry yet?” I asked him, folding my arms.

“Yeah, but not for food,” he smirked lightly, gesturing to the tub and raising his eyebrow at me with a question in his eyes.

I pointed at myself, and then Taron, and then the tub, and he just smirked at me and nodded.

“Come here, babe,” he said gruffly, holding his hand out to me. I smiled almost shyly at that and stepped over to him, letting him pull me into him. He kissed me slow and sensually at first, probably aware that I needed a little time to get worked up, but just being near him and the thought that he wanted more of me was doing a pretty good job of it. His fingers found their way under my shirt, grazing over my skin and making me moan softly against his lips. He broke our kiss only to continue trailing kisses along my jawline and then down to my neck, nipping the spot that made me moan the most with his teeth, before then stepping away from me completely to turn the water on, adjusting the temperature until he was satisfied with it and leaving me just panting for more.

Knowing he was up for trying different things was an exciting prospect. I pulled my own shirt off and dropped it to the ground, and when he turned back around I knew right where his gaze landed. “All for me?” he asked, not needing an answer as I took his hands and placed them over my breasts. And damn did he make quick work of me that way after peeling off my bra and tossing it god knows where. The way his touch could send shivers down my spine would never cease to amaze me. 

As the water ran we quickly rid ourselves of the rest of our clothes and we took a moment just to take each other in; standing around naked in front of people wasn’t exactly something I was comfortable doing, but under Taron’s gaze it didn’t seem to matter. There was no shame with him because he worshipped my body, scars and rolls and lumps and all. I hadn’t had a chance to really truly see him yet, either, and I tried to memorize every inch of his body and the way it took my breath away.

“You’re fucking beautiful, you know that?” he said softly, making me bite my lip shyly, my hair falling slightly across my face. “I wish you saw yourself through my eyes.”

“I could say the same to you,” I replied gently as he stepped closer to me and brushed my hair out of my face so carefully, so intimately, it made me want to cry. But then he kissed me, and I forgot about wanting to cry, and slowly Taron walked me backward to the tub. He slipped under the water easily enough, sighing contentedly as the warm water eased his muscles, but I perched on the edge for a moment, unsure.

“Coming in, love?” he asked, giving me half a smirk, nothing but hunger in his eyes.

“We can’t really use a condom in the water, not safely at least,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut for a second.

“You’re on the pill, no?” he asked, sitting up and placing a hand on my knee.

“Of course, but that’s not like, 100 percent, you know,” I stammered slightly.

“Hey, Jess, look at me,” he said seriously, so I cracked my eyes open. “Whatever the outcome, we’ll handle it together, okay? I’m sure we’ll be completely fine, it’s not like I’ve got tons of children running about, at least that I know of. But if you can’t trust the pill, I want you to at least trust me. Can you do that?” he asked, pleading with me. I took a shaky breath and nodded before letting myself slip into the water as well. He was right, the jets and the warmth of the water felt good after having walked around a lot of the day.

“I still want you,” I whispered. “I’m just stupidly anxious about it. Make me forget that,” I said, crawling over his lap and facing him.

“I can do that,” he growled slightly, running his fingers along my waist under the water. He pulled my face to his again, kissing me hungrily now, his need for me apparent. I let myself get lost to what he was doing to me; I didn’t understand how he seemed to already know so much about my body and what it was capable of feeling, but I couldn’t hold onto those thoughts. They scattered in the heat of the moment as I settled myself over him, joining our bodies, a groan rumbling through his chest that set me on edge immediately. I’d never had sex with someone bare and to know that, and to feel that, we were that much closer to each other set every nerve-ending in my body on fire. I was consumed by the lust I felt for this man, feeling a depth of pleasure I had never known could be mine.

We found a rhythm that worked for us, the water sloshing over the sides a bit as we drove each other higher and higher. I felt his fingers slip between my legs, helping me along and soon I was crashing around him, my orgasm rippling through me just before I could feel him spilling into me. I felt completely taken; I was his, and I didn’t know how I could belong to anyone else.

I didn’t even realize I was crying until Taron was trying to wipe the tears away, but his hands were wet too so it wasn’t helping that much. “Shhh, it’s okay, I promise,” he spoke, seeming to understand my emotions more than I did as he just held me to him, my chest pressed against his, our bodies still connected, the jets gently pummeling our skin. I laid my head against his shoulder, hiding my face against his neck as his fingers slowly danced across my back, soothing me a bit. I wanted to be ashamed but couldn’t be; Taron seemed used to sharing this level of intimacy but he also seemed to understand that I just wasn’t.

“I’m so sorry, I promise I won’t always be a mess like this,” I said once I had managed to calm down.

“I’m not the one to apologize to, love,” he said gently. “It’s okay to feel things and to feel them deeply. I think I can handle that, yeah?” he grinned. “I rather enjoy making you feel this much.”

“You’re such a saint, T,” I laughed. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“Well then I suppose you should consider yourself very, very lucky indeed,” he sighed happily. “But you have no idea what you do for me too.”

“I feel like I haven’t done anything. It’s always been you doing things for me,” I said softly.

“I don’t want to hear you say such things about yourself. You’re amazing, and you make me happy, and that’s always enough for me. I don’t need things, I don’t need someone to take care of me. I just want someone who’s face lights up when they see me, who genuinely enjoys talking to me, who makes me laugh at every turn, who wants to go on adventures with me, and who is willing despite her hardships to trust me. And that’s you,” he replied.

“You are too good to me,” I sighed, his words striking something deep and vulnerable in my heart and reverberating there.

“I hardly think I’m even remotely good enough for you, but you seem to want to be with me,” he replied, making my eyes bulge a little. Taron, not good enough? He had to be kidding. “I just don’t think you’ve ever been treated well or how you deserve to be. I know I can’t fix that, but I’m going to try and make a difference, if you’ll let me.”

“Anything for you, Taron,” I smiled at him. “Now should we get out of this water before we get all pruney?” I grinned, stealing a sweet kiss that made my chest ache. I could probably kiss him all day and still never get enough.

“Dinner sounds like a perfect way to end this day, now that you’ve helped me work up my appetite,” he smirked at me lightly.

“You’re so naughty,” I laughed, finally managing to disentangle myself from him and wrapping a fluffy towel around myself after climbing out of the tub. We quickly got ourselves ready for dinner, choosing to have our last meal at the conventionally named but absolutely romantic Dubrovnik Restaurant. The rooftop eatery was open air during good weather, and so I’d donned a warm cardigan over my dress, and Taron had pulled on a blazer over his button-down and jeans. We got seated in the white plush chairs and the entire place was softly lit with candles and lamps turned low. I truly enjoyed the atmosphere of it, and the food, oh the food. It was the best I’d had there in Dubrovnik, and I wished I could just keep eating it for forever; almost as much as I wished I could just stay in this paradise with Taron forever.

But you can only appreciate the very best things in life by them coming to an end, and so we returned to London the next day, ready to figure out how to continue blending our normal everyday lives together. My flatmates were of course absolutely thrilled to have me back, peppering me with so many questions it made my head spin. I did my best to give them just enough answers to keep their curiosity at bay, while keeping some of the more private things with Taron just to myself.

I threw myself head-first back into work over the next few weeks, feeling like I needed to make up for the past month where my productivity had been seriously lacking. Taron and I found a way to balance out seeing each other, going on some fun dates, some super romantic ones, and oh yeah, having lots of sex. I was now officially addicted to him, and it really was all his fault in the best possible sense of the word. I’d gained some kind of confidence in what we had and was doing my best to work through my lingering issues. I still hadn’t told him I loved him, but every day he seemed to chip away more and more at the barriers I’d built around it. Bless his soul, he was eternally patient, I’d give him that. So my initial fears about reality taking anything away from us were unfounded; our relationship somehow just kept getting better. And I finally felt like I was really home in London; I had an amazing job I actually liked, lovely flatmates and friends I enjoyed spending time with, and the sweetest boyfriend a girl could luck into having.

So I was feeling pretty damn great about my life one balmy, late-summer day as I was striding toward my office, coffee cup in hand and laptop bag over my shoulder. I managed to accidentally brush past a guy who had just stepped out of a coffee shop, and I turned to apologize but before the words could escape my mouth I froze.

His build was thinner, his jawline sharper, and his face somehow more handsome than I remembered, but I’d recognize that tousled brown hair and those deep-set brown eyes anywhere.

Kevin. My mind went absolutely blank as I clutched my laptop bag and purse to me.

I nearly thought I was having a stroke at first, that he was just a figment of my imagination. But there he was, somehow, incomprehensibly, standing on the sidewalk in London before me.

“Jessica! It’s really you!” he said brightly. “Imagine my good fortune. I thought I’d have to spend more time trying to track you down and here you run right into me.” His voice sent chills down my spine and sent my stomach plummeting to my feet.

“How the hell are you here?” I asked, rooted to the spot. Other people were walking past us but I felt like I was suddenly in an alternate universe. “And why?”

“Relax, Jess. Things have changed. I’ve changed. I wanted to apologize to you,” he said, gesturing for me to move out of the way as a group of school kids giggled their way past. We ended up stepping closer to an alley between the coffee shop and another brick building beside it, and I was already looking for a way to leave.

“There’s nothing you can say to me to apologize,” I said coldly. “You don’t deserve any of my time,” I practically hissed.

“I know. I’m not asking for forgiveness. I just needed to see you again. To make sure you were okay,” he said, taking a step closer to me as I took a step back.

“I am just fine, no thanks to you,” I said with narrowed eyes. “You can’t just sweep back into my life thinking that things will just go back to how they used to be. I’m not your toy to play with and toss away and abuse any more, Kevin,” I said, taking several more steps away from him, until my back hit the brick wall of the building behind me.

I should have ran then. I should have turned around and started walking and never looked back. There would always be too many should haves in my life with Kevin.

Within seconds he had crossed the space between us and I flinched when he reached out to me, but his touch was gentle as he took my chin in his hand. “I never meant to hurt you, and I’ll forever hate myself for it. I had a long time to think about what I did, what happened between us. Please, just give me a chance again, to prove that I’m different now.”

“I can’t,” I whispered, trembling slightly at his touch. “I’m already with someone else.”

I have very little recollection of what happened next.

I don’t know if it was the rejection that set him off, but his grip on my face instantly tightened like a vice before he slammed the left side of my face so hard into the brick I heard a loud crack and felt the impact on the right side of my head. My vision went blurry and I dropped like a stone to the ground. He kicked me in the side then too, and I instantly curled up and away from him, trying to protect myself from the assault. This couldn’t be happening again. I’m going to wake up soon, and it will all be a nightmare. Taron will wrap his arms around me, and tell me it’s not real. Please god, let it not be true.

I don’t know if I screamed, or if the young couple that came to my aid were just walking past at the moment, but suddenly Kevin was tackled to the ground by the man, and the woman was instantly on her phone calling police. She knelt next to me as I tried to sit up, but the pain in my side, and my head, was too much. I could feel something warm and wet trickling down my face and into my eye, and I gasped as it stung. Still, I struggled to reach over to my purse, fumbling with it to try and get to my phone. The woman, who had the kindest eyes, seemed to understand and pulled it out and handed it to me.

I tried to focus on the keypad numbers to unlock my phone, but they wouldn’t stay in the same place and I kept hitting the wrong ones. Finally, frustrated, I shoved it back into her hands and told her my passcode. “Call Taron, please. My boyfriend, you need to call him and tell him where they’re taking me,” I said, fighting desperately hard against the darkness that was threatening to pull me under.

The sirens came, ear-splittingly loud, and it was enough for me to not throw up as the nausea of pain swept through my body. Kevin must have been handcuffed and arrested; but I couldn’t see enough of what was going on around me to know it. When the medics lifted my battered body onto the stretcher and began immobilizing me, I cried out in pain as my side where he’d kicked me lit up in renewed pain, leaving me short of breath.

I was beginning to fade in and out as they pushed me into the back of the ambulance and settled an oxygen mask over my face. I could only hope the woman had been able to reach Taron; he would be absolutely worried sick if he didn’t hear from me. 

How did he find me? I thought again, bright white spots exploding before my vision as the doors were slammed shut and we were hurtling through the streets of London. The medics were saying words I couldn’t understand; if they were talking to me, I wouldn’t have known it. They poked and prodded; a needle pushed in my arm, gauze pressed against my face.

I knew it had all been too good to be true. This thought was even more painful to bear than the broken parts of my body.

And then everything went black.

**********

I promise this isn’t the end. Read more in Part 10.