#(he remembered me from when i had genetics with him :3 that was in 2023)

[autumnoakes]

i made a fool out of myself in front of my instructors twice today and i'm going to explode if i keep thinking about it

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to november 2023. the agony

spot. link//yt link

song notes under cut

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Garbage - Queer: stand up for the fag anthem. but also let's be real one of the main draws here is the music video where shirley manson pushes the pov character down to the ground and forcibly shaves your head while singing "i know what's good for you." i'm a lesbian

Chris Fleming - W.U.G.: i've met a couple wugs in my time but more than anything i'm just on my chris fleming shit recently. this one has been stucks in my head sooo bad and bsaically anytime i see the word "guy" it comes back with a vengeance

Limp Bizkit & Method Man - N 2 Gether Now: random lb songs will really just crop up in my rotation for seemingly no reason but really this one has so many good lines and the addition of method man brings it up by so much. it's comical on some level bc it's like why is he here, he's like. a real rapper. and fred sounds so out of his depth next to him. but at the same time they both do actually really pretty good. pull the plug and then jet. MIC CHECK.

Sloppy Jane - Bark Like a God: recommended by a friend. need to listen to the full album but this goes insane goes crazy i mean those damn vocals and the THEMES ugh i mean what else do you need in this world. don't even really know what to call this band but it good and i need more

Almeda Riddle - My Little Rooster: Gummo is a 1997 American experimental drama film written and directed by Harmony Korine, starring Jacob Reynolds, Nick Sutton, Jacob Sewell, and Chloë Sevigny. The film is set (but was not filmed) in Xenia, Ohio, a Midwestern American town that had been previously struck by a devastating tornado. The loose narrative follows several main characters who find odd and destructive ways to pass time, interrupted by vignettes depicting other inhabitants of the town.

Destroy Boys - Fences: mostly just real catchy. many such cases. but there is a certain doggish quality to it as well

Enon - Natural Disasters: hi violer :3 ooh ahh the song so catchy the riff so tastey and shiney

Limp Bizkit - The Truth: i watched the band's short film of the same name recently and was pretty underwhelmed. but it did make me wanna go back and listen to the ep! it's been said to death but it's easily some of lb's best work, and not just because it's the serious one or whatever

Repo! The Genetic Opera - Night Surgeon: tbh there should be more repo on here but there's only so much space and this is undoubtedly my favorite track from the soundtrack (although "at the opera tonight" comes pretty damn close!!) i could listen to anthony head go "i remember" like that allllll day. i have been having some serious repo fixation recently i won't lie. give it a watch it's a normal movie

Foo Fighters - Everlong (Acoustic Version): okay look you guys know at this point how i get about everlong. so when i was watching hit film little nicky starring adam sandman and a rather beautiful sequence took place accompanied by a sparse acoustic version still laden in the characteristic warmth of the original song, of course i was hooked. and that's a nu metal-ass movie, too, but this was the pick i ended up making. that's special

Dropkick Murphys - I'm Shipping Up To Boston: WOOOOO BOSTON!!!!!!!! GO BRUINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME A CUP O DUNKS!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! YANKEES SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <is not from boston but rather a different place entirely

Fefe Dobson - Unforgiven: why did nobody tell me about this fuckin nu metal x y2k pop fusion. this is like rina sawayama stfu but all the way back in 200-goddamn-3. fefe you were before your time

MGMT - Little Dark Age: i don't know mgmt that well but i heard a little bit of this song in a youtube video long ago and really liked it and could never find it and then i happened to encounter it again and was like oh hello my old acquaintance shall we get to know each other better

Billy Joel - All For Leyna: beginning to realize that billy is good actually. every little part of this song is crunchy and sweet and delicious for me. and god i sure am doing it all for leyna aren't i......

Tom Cardy & Brian David Gilbert - Beautiful Mind: tbh this was far from my favorite effort from either of these guys...... didn't really think it was all that funny. had a very lol random sort of appeal that just didn't hit me right. however it does sound amazing, really clean, and they both have nice voices. plus you know i love them harmonies

Taco - Puttin' on the Ritz: they play this a lot at a cafe i go to sometimes. i used to not like this song but it's really grown on me. it's one of those absolutely one-of-a-kind songs that could have only been a hit at the exact time and place that it was. and i like stuff like that! you might even say i think it's super duper :)

Violent Femmes - Breakin' Up: this song is dumb as balls. and it sounds way better in my head than it does to actually listen to it. but! the video is really cool, with that simple but effective camera trick. i enjoy that

Bowling For Soup - Girl All the Bad Guys Want: if the previous song was dumb as balls, this song is dumb as. like. the epididymis. or like a single sperm cell. i don;t know man it's a dumb fucking song. but it's about a cool rap rocker girl :3 and that's meeeeee probably. when i listen to it i like to rate each lyric on how true it is. watching wrestling? maybe now and then. creaming over tough guys? hmmm no i would simply not do this. but listening to rap metal? turntables in her eyes?? now we're fuckin talkin!!!!!!!!!!

[iguana-eyanna]

What Was Left Behind Pt. 3

(07/30/2023 edit: New Look!)

Summary: After the events of the Sokovia Accords, Steve is now a fugitive to the U.S.A. government and has left you in the worse way possible. What happens when fate reunites the two again when you are most vulnerable?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x pregnant reader

Warning: major weightloss, cheating

You open your door to invite Fury and Agent Hill, quietly closing the door. Fury motions Agent Hill to your room and she nods, disappearing to the end of the room.

"I thought it'd be best to have a one-on-one conversation. I have her packing your things quickly to take off your load," he says, walking mindlessly in your living space.

You nod your head as you walk over to the dining table. "I would have offered you water, but my tenant turned off the tap this morning." You said. He joins you on the other side of the table. "Don't worry, we'll all leave in ten minutes and I already took care of that jerk for you.

You give a dry laugh, but that suddenly gives you a coughing fit. Fury comes quickly to you to help you breathe easier, giving you a handkerchief.

"Guess I haven't laughed in a long time." you joked ironically. He chuckles a bit as he brings his chair closer to you. You exhale from the sudden exhaustion as you ponder on what to say next. "Are we going to be ok?" you murmured.

He inhaled a bit sharply. "I have my best people looking at your past test results and I'm not going to lie, it's not looking too good." He takes a pause so you could take it all in.

He starts to continue. "Turns out that your baby also took over Roger's genetics before he received the serum. Basically, the genetics Steve was born with and the serum is constantly fighting in your baby's DNA. That's why your immune system has been declining."

You lean your elbow on the table as you cover your mouth with your palm. "Even when he's gone, Steve gives me trouble." A tear rolls down your cheek as you think of him.

You turn around as you hear Agent Hill coming out of your room with one luggage and a backpack. She tells Fury that your ride was here and gave you a small nod as she left.

Fury helps you out of your chair to walk outside of your apartment. As you see the small aircraft, Fury stops at the ramp to send you off. "I need to do a few errands. But, you will be the first priority to me once I arrive at the base and check how you and the little squirt are doing, ok?" You give him a small smile and give him a thankful hug.

If anyone would dare to try that, they would have landed on the floor before they blinked. But when it came to you, he made an exception.

"Is there anything you want me to do while you're in the air?" He asks.

You look down at your left hand and take off the wedding ring that you have been wearing all this time until now.

"If you see Steve, give him this." you place it in his palm and turn around to walk on the ramp.

On the flight to the base, all you could think about was your baby. You had a sudden change of demeanor as you are finally going to take life back into your hands.

Right now, you couldn't afford any surprises.

But luck was not on your side.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you arrived at the base, Agent Hill took you to Medbay so you could be monitored before your treatment. You thanked her as she left you on the bed with curtains giving you privacy.

You closed your eyes as you finally felt relieved.

"What did I tell you about not sending a signal if you got caught in the air?" a voice said in a nagging tone.

You opened your eyes quickly as you remembered that voice.

"I had it under control. Besides... it's just a graze." a Louisiana accent replied.

He hissed as you could hear a bandage being tightened.

"You may be able to fly away from bullets, but you know he can't withstand multiple gunshots." the female added.

You quietly get out of your cot and inch closer to the curtain.

"Please, the man has fought a human hot Cheeto and a robot making Disney references. If anyone is able to withstand anything, it'd be Steve." he jokes.

"Steve is here?" you screamed as you moved the curtains away to see the pair.

You see Natasha flinch and Sam shriek five octaves higher from the sudden scare.

“Where is he?” you said with your eyes raging.

“Y/n…” Nat said softly, trying not to ignite your temper. “No Nat, I have been suffering these past weeks without him, not sleeping at night, not knowing if he’s alive or dead. Enough is enough. I want to see him NOW.” you demanded.

Natasha never saw this side of you, almost like you were on a warpath. "Follow me,” she said. She walked in front of you, leaving a very speechless Sam, and headed towards the direction of Steve.

You walk to the end of the hallway and finally reach his door. She leaves to give you space and tells you she'll check you later. You take a deep breath as you slowly open the door, knowing hell will raise.

You don’t see him in the room, but hear the shower running. You sit carefully on the edge of his bed facing where the bathroom is near.

A little later, you hear the water turning off and hear a figure walking outwards to you. You see your husband walking out with a towel wrapped around his hips and some bruises that probably formed over time. His face is covered as he wipes the drops of water on his temple and he sees you- scratch that, a very angry, PREGNANT you.

��Y-y/n…” he stutters. You get up quickly as your body is able to and start to let your pain out. “No, you listen to me. Sit down, NOW.” you demand as he quickly reacts to your demeanor, walking to the edge of the bed.

You stare down at him, ready to blow. “Where to start, Rogers?” you said with such bitterness. “No calls, no letters, not even a goodbye? Or should I mention finding out I was pregnant the day before you left?” You say as you walk closer to him, jabbing your finger in his chest.

“I haven’t slept since God knows when and this baby is literally tearing my body apart inside out. And remember that I have no one, no one to help me. Not even my brother who you ABANDONED and up to this day has not spoken to me. I did this on my own and I just want to let you know that you fucking twisted my heart with your pathetic empty promises.” The waterworks came pouring down your face and the top of your dress was drenched.

You gently guide yourself to the chair facing the bed, inhaling sharply as your baby starts kicking and turning again. Steve just looks at your weak figure, so fragile as the slightest sounds one could make could break you.

The room is silent until he gets off of his bed, kneeling in front of you. “Y/n…” he gulps as he tries to reach out for your hand on top of your belly. “I never wanted to hurt you.” you scoffed lightly as you stray from his touch. “You have a funny way of showing that.”

Steve felt a bit hurt, but could he blame you? He left you when he was needed most. He stares at your face and he could tell you were telling the truth. You had dark circles under your eyes and your cheekbones were more defined than ever. He could tell that you lost a lot of weight, and pregnant women aren’t supposed to do that.

“Cho said that your DNA is fighting against my immune system. I had two fevers in my 1st trimester and was bedridden for a month. Fury found me cause I needed help. I nearly had a heart attack when I heard that you were here after your missions”

The air tightened for both of them, one who felt like giving up and the other feeling guilt. How can Steve leave the strongest person in his life?

He wraps his arms around your waist and stares up at you with such regret in his eyes. This time, you don’t reject Steve’s touch. You badly want to melt in his touch again, for he was the sun and you were ice.

“I- I had to leave. It wasn’t the right decision, but I had no choice. I wanted to stay, I would have traded anything in the world in order to be with you.”

Your lip trembles as you lower your voice. “Then why did you kiss her?”

Steve was speechless. He backed away slowly as he just stood, lowering his gaze away from you.

“Tony told me everything: how Bucky killed my parents, how you knew, how you just left, leaving my brother to die… I didn’t want to believe it. Then he hacked into the airport footage and I saw you with Agent Carter.” You forced yourself to not cry, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

You get up and you get in his space, him being forced to look at you. “I get it, you didn’t think you'd get to see another day after losing everything - your mom, Bucky, your other friends, Peggy…” he starts to knit his eyebrows as you say her name.

“I just feel like you’re stuck in time Steve. You don’t want to move forward- hell, you’re still fighting a war.”

You sharply breathed through your nose as you got out of the chair, turning to face him again. “After this baby comes, I want a divorce. You can still be in their life, but I am not dealing with your pathetic ass anymore.” you walked out, with a hidden strength forming as you made your way to the med bay.

Steve just stares at the closing door, looking at the back of someone who gave him not only her love but her life as well.

He stares down at the floor, feeling that he shouldn’t let you out that door, not when he knew you deserved much more than what he gave you.

Steve quickly got dressed and opened his door to run after you in the hallway. “Y/n!” he called out for you. It all went so fast, you turned around too quickly and your head was spinning.

Suddenly, you were falling down, feeling a pair of arms hold you before you could hit the floor.

Darkness surrounded you as you heard echoes of your name, calling you back.

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