#(ford control your great nephew)

[yandere--stuck]

Imagine: Familal Yandere Stanford AND Platonic Yandere Bill, who are both obsessed with Dipper and Mabel.

REAL AS HELLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

---

“Isn't this great?” Grunkle Ford asked, taking a seat beside Dipper on the Living Human Flesh couch. 

Dipper ducked away from a six-fingered hand attempting to ruffle his hair. “That's certainly an adjective you could use to describe this situation.”

“WOW!” Bill shouted (as if he had any other means of emoting.) “A three and four-syllable word in a row! He really is a chip off the ol’ block, Sixer.”

Dipper could feel Grunkle Ford Stanford's eyes on him, practically beaming at the thought that he and his grand nephew were so alike, so much so that they could be considered father and son. Never mind that it was said by an interdimensional demon.

An interdimensional demon that also happened to be currently braiding his sister's hair as they sat in front of a fireplace in the ‘penthouse suite’ of the Fearamid.

One might even think it a sweet moment between an odd family. Two great uncles, one attempting connection with his nephew, the other lounging in a recliner and trying to pretend everything was normal. And his sister, being doted on by what was one of the most powerful beings in the universe, if not every universe. Mabel might have looked happy to anyone looking in from the outside, but Dipper knew his sister better than he knew himself. If she were truly happy, she'd be grinning ear-to-ear, gabbing a mile a minute, talking to Bill about all the hair styles they could try and how he should manifest himself some hair so she could braid him next.

But no, she simply sat in silence and let Bill work through her locks. She forced a smile and stared into the fireplace, flinching whenever Bill moved too fast.

It made Dipper sick.

And maybe, maybe all of this could have been passable if this were something Stanford had been forced to do in the heat of the moment. Something he'd regretted. And that's what he claimed.

But Dipper knew. He knew Stanford was lying. He was enjoying all of this too much for him to regret it. How stupid was Dipper to think that the biggest con artist in their family was Grunkle Stan when it was the guy grinning in his face, yucking it up in the face of destruction and tragedy just because he got to play house with Bill - his so-called mortal enemy.

He wanted to believe that this wasn't Ford's plan all along. Wanted to believe that his great uncle had been corrupted or mind controlled or tortured past the point of sanity. That this wasn't what he'd set out to do from the beginning. But Dipper didn't know what to believe anymore. 

“WA-BAM!” Bill snapped a full-length mirror into existence, allowing Mabel to see what he'd done to her hair, “Whaddaya say, Shooting Star?”

A simple French braid, with little glittery stars woven into her hair. In any other case, Mabel would have been ecstatic. But now, Mabel simply looked up at the demon, an unsure grin forced onto her face.

“Thanks, Bill,” She managed, not able to look him in the eye.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Bill waggled a finger in her face. “Try again.”

Mabel's face sank momentarily and she locked eyes with Dipper. The look in her eyes… It was like she was trying to scream so many things at once through expression alone. It felt like forever, the twins trying to communicate to each other in silence, but it was probably less than a second. If seconds even existed anymore.

Then, Mabel looked up at Bill and put on her best smile. “Thank you, Grunkle Bill, I love it.”

‘Grunkle Bill.’ Ugh. Dipper couldn't help the disgusted grimace that made its way onto his face. He thought he'd hated the triangle when he was actively trying to kill them all, but that was so much worse.

“See that, Pinetree?” Cipher whipped around, floating above the boy. “Why can't you be more like your sister?”

“Oh, Bill,” Ford waved him off with a smile and roll of his eyes. No malice, no contempt, just exasperated fondness.

“I'm just sayin’! We're trying to do family bonding over here, but Pinetree and Fez are being a coupla sticks in the mud!”

“He and Stanley just need more time,” Ford replied, speaking as if either of them weren't there.

Dipper felt sick. Sick from anger, sick from betrayal, sick from utter disgust. Bill's actions were understandable from the perspective that he was a creature from a different dimension. A monster without any need to identify with human morality systems. But Ford was human. A human with family and people who loved him and trusted him and counted on him. A human whose world had been destroyed because of his allegiance to a monster. Because of his feelings for a monster. And he just expects them all to be okay with this? To smile and clap and nod along and pretend everything is okay?

Mabel spoke up, drawing Dipper from his thoughts. “Well, um, Grunkle Bill, if we're doing family bonding time… Would you wanna meet me and Dipper's parents?”

“Say, that's an idea,” Bill turned to Ford. “Whaddaya say, Fordsie?’

Dipper whipped his head back to face his great uncle. He bit his tongue, holding his breath. He felt himself screaming from behind his eyes, trying to will his uncle with his gaze, hoping his expression was enough to implore him to say yes, to be merciful, to at least give him and Mabel their parents back. 

“I…” Ford breathed. “No, I don't think so.”

“WHAT?” Dipper couldn't control his outburst, his shout loud and sudden enough to make his great uncle jump.

“Sixer, c'mon,” Stan spoke up.

“You said it yourself, Stanley, the only ones you count as family are the children.” Ford countered. 

“That was- I didn't mean it.”

“Still,” Ford crossed his arms. “I have no loyalty to them. This is for the best,” Then, the old man turned back to Dipper. “You'll understand one day.”

Dipper glared up at his uncle, baring his teeth so hard he would have sworn they would have broken. But then, a noise broke his concentration.

He turned to see his sister, her sweater pulled over her head as she rocked back and forth, sniffling and surely crying underneath. 

“AWW, now look what you did, Pinetree,” Bill chided, daring to pet at the bit of hair that peeked out of Mabel’s sweater. “You made your sister cry!”

“Me?” Dipper balked, incredulous. 

A six-fingered hand came down to Dipper's shoulder for a comforting squeeze - and the boy bristled with rage, wrenching himself away and off of the couch. Every inch of Dipper's body was over one with disgust, with anger, with hatred. Just looking at Stanford made him sick.

“I hate you,” Dipper spat, trying to fight the tears welling in his eyes. “You're a monster and you're not my uncle anymore.”

Just for a brief moment, Dipper felt satisfaction at the look of absolute hurt on Stanford's face. Then, he all but dove into his Grunkle Stan's hold, burying his face into his jacket. Stan held him protectively, one hand holding the back of his head and the other rubbing soothing circles into his back. And for a few moments, Dipper can pretend he and Mabel were back at the shack and he'd had a nightmare or something and needed reassurance from his uncle. Something he should have grown out of, something Stan would give him shit for later, but even still, Stan would have let him settle into the recliner and drift off to sleep to the sounds of Gravity Falls’ public access TV.

“Please, he didn't mean it,” Mabel's voice was barely above a whisper as she pleaded. “Don't be mad at him.”

“He's just scared,” Stan added, holding Dipper tight. “We all are.”

“There's no reason to be,” Ford insisted. “Dipper, please, look at me. You're my s- my, my nephew and I love you. None of this is meant to hurt you.”

He sure had a funny way of showing it.

He could hear Bill let out a frustrated groan. “Alright, I think this has gone on LONG ENOUGH.”

In a flash, Dipper was suddenly back on the flesh couch, cuddled up next to his not-so-great uncle Ford. He couldn't bear to look at him, simply staring ahead. At his sister. At the fire. At Cipher.

The triangle spoke. “Now, kid, I get this is a big change and all, but the only reason Gravity Falls and all your little friends have been left untouched is because of your uncle here. I think you should be a little more grateful. That is… Unless you don't want your friends to be safe?”

A sneer overtook Dipper's face. All of the anger boiling inside him threatened to burst out in the form of calling Bill every curse word he knew - and even the ones he didn't. 

But he knew better. Dipper gritted his teeth. “No, I do.”

“Then, I feel an apology is in order!”

“Sorry,” Dipper mumbled noncommittally. 

“Not to ME, Pinetree,” The demon laughed. “Though, I appreciate the thought!”

Dipper let out a shuddering sigh. Slowly, as though just looking in Ford's direction took great effort, he managed to meet his great uncle's eyes. And he had the gall to look condescending. As if Dipper were just a child throwing a tantrum.

He hated him. He hated him more than anything. He couldn't believe he ever believed in him, ever obsessed over his work, ever thought he was great, ever thought he was a hero, ever thought to leave behind his sister to follow someone like him.

“...I'm sorry, Great Uncle Ford,” Dipper spoke robotically. “I didn't mean what I said. I don't hate you. You're still my uncle.”

“ANNND?” Bill egged him on.

“And. I love you.”

Ford had the audacity to smile. To open his arms wide. To ask, “How about a hug?”

Dipper felt he had no choice. As he was wrapped into a hug by the man who'd betrayed his family, betrayed the world, betrayed the universe, Dipper let himself bury his face into Ford's turtleneck. At least he could hide his tears now.

For a second, it felt as if his hat had disappeared from his head. A four-fingered hand ruffled through his locks affectionately. Then, his hat was back in place.

Dipper fought not to be ill.

“Say, how about an ‘I love you’ for your Grunkle Bill, huh?”

…

“Not now? Eh, that's fine! We've got an eternity for you to come around!”

[anxious-lee]

(Tickle) Fight Club || Gravity Falls Tickle Fic ||

A/N: couldn't leave this wholesome duo out! this takes place after dipper and mabel return to gravity falls the next summer. inspired by that one scene in the jungle book. bon appetite 😙🤌

Summary: Grunkle Stan thinks he's teaching Mabel how to box, but she has her own Mabel-y way of doing things.

Word count: 1339

----

There wasn't much about Stan's life that he was comfortable sharing with the kids. Between the crime and the fraud, everything about his youth was either dishonest or violent.

Except, however, the boxing lessons.

Sure, they were pretty violent, but in the socially acceptable way!

Oh, if he could relive just one of those glory days. The thrill of punching away the opponent. The glory of victory. The aches and bruises that stuck with you for weeks. It was wonderful. After he had gotten the hang of it, at least.

Stan was recounting his good old memories to his niece and nephew when the teen girl piped up.

"Oh oh oh oh oh! Oh! OH! Brain explosion! You should teach us how to fight!" Mabel shouted.

"Ehhhh, no. Count me out," Dipper said quickly, "I've had more than enough combat for one lifetime, thank you very much."

"Aw, c'mon Dip Dip! You've kicked lots of butt before!"

"And I nearly died! Multiple times!"

Stan laughed. "Heh heh, never stopped me."

Mabel lifted herself up to the peak of her tiptoes. "Please, Grunkle Stan! Teach me to how to kick butt the Stan way!"

"Well, I guess it would kill an afternoon. Plus, I was a pretty tough champ when I was your age." Stan boasted.

His brother finally entered the conversation. "Didn't you get the daylights beat out of you about a hundred times?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Know-It-All. How many jerks did you beat in the ring?" Stan turned back to his neice. "Mabel, meet me on the front lawn, cause I'm gonna teach you to box!"

"YES!" she cheered.

"Oh boy" Dipper mumbled.

----

Stan didn't need his family's vote of confidence to pull this off. This was gonna be great! He was going to pass down his skill to his beloved niece. What could go wrong?

He decided to have them practice in the front yard to give them more space to move freely. Despite their hesitations, Ford and Dipper were seated together on the porch sofa, looking ready to call an ambulance at a moment's notice.

Pfft, what do they take me for? Some kind of idiot?

It didn't matter. Right now, Stan was focused on Mabel and her journey to badassery.

He and Mabel stood opposite of each other. Her stance was incredibly goofy and her fists were poised in the wrong position. This was going to take some work.

"Alright kiddo, the first rule of boxing is to keep your eyes on your opponent. If they get the drop on you, it's game over."

Mabel's eyes popped cartoonishly out of her head.

"Sheesh, don't look that hard. Rule number two: don't stop moving. You're a harder target if you keep moving. Now try and do what I do."

Stan began to bounce back and forth from on foot to the other in a circle around Mabel. She picked up the technique quickly and did the same, albeit a little stiffly.

"Like this?" Mabel asked.

"Loosen up a little, you gotta keep loose if you want to stay in the game," Stan guided gently. "Now you're gonna want to look for an opening. Try and take a swing."

Mabel reeled her arm back as far as she could and swung it through the air. She had forgotten to think about her balance, though, and she spun herself in a circle before plopping her behind on the spiky grass.

"That's alright, kid, that's alright. Get up, let's try that again," Stan said. He wasn't about to let a little clumsiness deter her progress.

Encouraged by her uncle's words, Mabel jumped back up and got right back into position.

"Keep moving, keep moving," he reminded her.

The next swing was more controlled than the first. It didn't hit Stan, but she was understanding the flow.

"Now, you're getting it! Remember to keep circling, and keep your eyes on me," Stan laughed excitedly. "Ha ha! Come on, that's it!"

When it looked to be the right moment, Mabel reeled her arm back once more, and with the precision of a pro, sailed her fist up to meet her grunkle's bottom jaw.

It hurt something fierce, but he was too gosh dang proud of her to care.

"Oh! That was it, that was the one. Oh, I'm going down! I've been hit! Tell my story!" Stan cried in true dramatic uncle fashion, reveling in the way his hollers were making Mabel laugh. He pretended to stumble around awkwardly, like she had knocked him silly. With a final groan, he belly-flopped into the grass with a great big oomph!

Mabel hurried over to check if he was alright, giving him a little shake. Unfortunately, her tiny hands were pushing into the area behind his ribs, and even more unfortunately, Stan was ticklish.

He coughed out a laugh.

"No, nono, nono, now you're tickling," Stan eyeing her from over his shoulder.

Mabel grinned brightly, relieved that her grunkle wasn't hurt, and started to climb onto his back. Her little fingers soon found themselves scratching at his sides.

Stan couldn't stop himself from chuckling. This was so embarrassing. He had been going easy on her to give her confidence, but now she truly had him in a tight spot. One that he couldn't see his way out of.

"No! Nohow- now- now we don't do that in the riHing! No! No, the tickling! I can't stand the tickling!" Stan tried to crawl away, but he couldn't escape with Mabel on his back. The tickling was weakening him, and he fell and rolled onto his back. This now gave Mabel more places to tickle him. He belly-laughed helplessly as his feet kicked in little circles, as if he was riding an invisible bicycle. "HELP, STAHANFORD!"

Ford, meanwhile, had seen everything go down from his place on the couch. He chuckled warmly at the sight of his surly twin brother getting the snot tickled out of him by their spritely young niece. "Attagirl Mabel," he said under his breath.

The young fighter struggled to keep her balance atop Stan as he rolled around, trying to get up.

"Wohoah! It's like I'm riding a bull!" Mabel laughed. Her hands were now scribbling everywhere on his torso she could reach.

"This is cheheheating! Out of bohounds! Fohohoul! Penalty!" Stan laughed harder.

"I learned from the best. Do you say 'uncle'?"

"Your uhuncle never says 'uncle'!"

Ford's voice rings out across the lawn, "Liar!"

"SHUT UHUP FORD!"

Mabel was determined to get Stan to give up. Fighting may not have come easily to her, but tickle fighting sure did.

"Say 'uncle'!"

"Neveheher!"

It was obvious to everyone, including Stan, that Mabel was winning. She was mercilessly attacking his weak spots while he could barely get a word out.

"You cahahaha- you cahahaha-" Stan tried, but his lungs were too full of laughter to make room for speech. He tried again, utilizing his old man powers.

"You cahan't do this to me. I'm old, I'm frail, I'm weak!"

"Then say 'uncle'!"

Dammit.

There was one more rule that Stan had forgotten to mention: know when to tap out.

"Alrihihight, alrihihight! Uncle! I gihihihive!" Stan gasped in defeat.

"Yay! Mabel's the champion!" Said champion cheered as she immediately hopped down off her uncle.

Dipper and Ford clapped and whooped for Mabel. Stan was still on his back in the grass, regaining his breath. The sun above his face nearly blinded him, until a sweet little face blocked it out.

"Did I do good, Grunkle Stan?" Mabel asked.

With the strength he could muster, he replied, "You did great, pumpkin! Ha ha! That's my Mabel!" Stan sat up, dusting himself off. "You've got real gumption, kid."

"I still don't know what that word means, but thank you."

"Alright, let's get inside. Your Grunkle Stan needs a nap. And an ibuprofen."

So boxing lessons didn't go quite as Stan expected, but he had fun anyway.

His little niece was a real firecracker of a kid. Just like someone else he knew.

----

Not as long as the last one, but I just wanted something fun, short, and sweet 😊🍭

[vanessapark19]

Rubric "Thinking Out Loud."

Well, after all these years, it's great to be back in Gravity Falls again. 

I thought, why not share my ideas with you, of course, Gravity Falls is officially over for season 2, but that doesn't stop anyone from creating their own fan versions of its sequel.

I already have two new characters Wibi and Ben brother and sister created by Bill Cipher

If I were to continue the story, the plot of season 3 takes place 9 years later. The twins go to visit their old folks Stan and Ford again. Also to see their friends. Meanwhile, Bill has already served his time in dimension 5150 and is preparing a new plan for revenge.

Bill creates a new successor for Wibi, his plan was for her to blend in with the Pines family and kill them. Bill thought he could completely control Wibi, but so went against his whims.

She joined their family but didn't kill them, she didn't see the point.

Bill was furious when he found out.

And now follows the girl around, forcing her to accept an evil version of herself, something Wibi herself doesn't want.

Wibi has made friends with Mabel and Wendy. Dipper is no exception either, but Wibi rather enjoys making jokes about him than socializing.

Jesus became the new owner of the Cabin.

Stan and Ford were traveling, so they didn't know their nephews had come to visit.

In the middle of season 3 at one point Mabel tells Wibi that her uncle has arrived, Wibi is at a loss as to which uncle she is referring to.

Running out into the main hall, she sees Bill, who has taken the form of a man, Wibi, in order not to reveal this little secret, accepts the fact that Bill is her "Uncle" This mini story continued until Stan and Ford arrived.

Ford suspected something amiss just as Dipper did. 

Ford suspected something was wrong just like Dipper. 

Subsequently, Ford reveals Bill, and in revenge with him, Wibi.

That's all the thoughts so far :)

I think to do this kind of column more often.

Thanks for your attention.

[themsource]

7alt8 AU - Family

(Takes place three years before the comic 'Parallels')

“You’d really keep my great niece and nephew from me?” Ford asked breathlessly, his eyes wide in disbelief. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

This was to be the first summer he got to spend with his great niece and nephew, and he’d been looking forward to it for the last year. The thought of actually being able to be around family without judgment or pity had kept him up long into the night with excitement the night prior as he’d come up with all sorts of activities they could do together.

And now he was being told it might not happen.

Ford had pulled into his niece and nephew’s driveway only ten minutes ago, he hadn’t even gotten to greet the kids yet, and already everything was falling apart over bland tea… with admittedly good biscotti.

Lee and Abigail both exchanged a look before the shorter brunette took a deep breath, an awkward smile meant to comfort gracing her lips but doing nothing other than causing a flare of irritation through her uncle.

“We don’t want to, it’s just…” She paused, her eyes darting as she tried to find her words that Ford knew were going to be insensitive no matter how she used them. “I’m sorry to say this but, we don’t want them being dragged into this… obsession of yours. I mean, you missed their 13th birthday party because you felt as if you’d discovered the remains of El Dorado and thought that it was somehow run by lizardmen!”

“Aliens,” Ford corrected as he cleared his throat. “It was connected to aliens, and I said the residents were likely attacked by lizardmen at one point resulting in a war that wiped out their crops and festered disease. Not that they were—”

“That’s not the point!” Abigail cried as she waved his words away.

He winced, and had the decency to look apologetic for his bad habit of rambling. Ford had always been a man of discovery and science, so he really couldn’t help how his words got away from him sometimes.

“I apologized for that. I got them both gifts.”

“Yes… some supposed particle gun and a set of laser powered handcuffs.” Lee drawled.

Ford couldn’t help beaming with pride. “Two excellent pinnacles of technology wouldn’t you agree? My colleague and I spent the better part of a year fine tuning the blueprints and constructing them. The process was fascinating!”

Lee and Abigail stared at him.

And the longer they did so the more he deflated until he was awkwardly staring right back. 

Abigail ran a hand through her hair, “Be that as it may, this is still a problem. It’s been decades Uncle Standford, and we’ve already told them that Uncle Stanley—”

“He’s not dead.” Ford cut across her, resolute and final.

His nephew and niece-in-law both exchanged a wary look.

Ford sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew he should be respectful right now, even if every atom of his body protested and wanted to chide the both of them, but it was difficult.

He’d just gotten so tired of hearing how the family had given up over the years…

“Look,” He began as he adjusted his glasses and folded his hands. “I love these kids, more than anything, and their safety will be my utmost priority if you agree to entrust them to me, I promise you.”

Abigail swallowed thickly as she glanced down at her hands and began to fiddle with the acrylic on one of her long manicured nails. Lee, however, met Ford’s gaze head on, his words stern and tone icy.

“If we let you have them for the summer you are to take them to your home in Gravity Falls, and keep them there. You won’t drag our children on this wild goose chase of yours, or you’ll never see Dipper and Mabel again. I won’t agree to trust our children to some lunatic. Do you understand?”

'Wild goose chase.’

Ford’s hands clenched into fists against the table top, but he showed just how great the extent of his control was as he kept a perfectly neutral expression and nodded in understanding while he replied, “Completely.”

Lee and Abigail exchanged another concerned look before finally relenting as they smiled.

“We’ll have them get packed then.” Abigail chirped as she took a sip of her tea.

Ford forced himself to relax as he returned their grins with a hollow one of his own and popped a piece of biscotti between his teeth. For the next ten minutes he listened to Lee and Abigail’s upcoming plans for a vacation to the alps now that the kids would be preoccupied, and reassured them when they would ask questions or voice any lingering worries.

It was tedious.

But finally, they both excused themselves to go help the twins pack, leaving Ford alone in their kitchen. Alone with their phone only a few feet away, tucked into the corner of their marble counter.

He wasted no time rushing over to it.

On the third ring he got an answer, and he was quick, straight to the point and clipped.

“Fiddleford? Does your uncle still own that hanger off of I-580?”

~~~~

“Tell me, do you love your parents?”

Dipper and Mabel frowned as they looked at each other before looking back up at him.

“Yes,” they replied simultaneously.

“Good, because I love them too!” Ford exclaimed as he tossed the last of their bags in the back of his trunk before slamming the lid shut. “However, allow me to pose another question.”

He turned to face them with his fists on his hips. “Do you love obeying them?”

At that Dipper and Mabel went wide eyed and took turns shaking their heads and tilting their hands as they mumbled indifferent and uncertain ‘mehs’ and ‘sometimes’ followed by ‘not really’. 

Ford felt a smirk curve his lips as he chuckled.

“An interesting answer. Now get in the car, we have a long journey ahead.”

As the twins both climbed into the car (after arguing over who got shotgun to which Mabel won over a game of rock-paper-scissors) Dipper couldn’t help groaning under his breath from the backseat, “Why do you have to live eight hours away? My legs are going to be numb by the time we get there.

Ford didn’t say anything as he waited for them to both finish buckling in before turning on the ignition and pulling out of the driveway.

“Yes, eight hours can be a moderately taxing drive.” he chuckled, before adding, “which is why we shall be flying.”

Dipper and Mabel both perked up at that, Dipper raising a confused brow as Mabel tilted her head to ask, “Flying?”

Ford glanced at her from the corner of his eye and grinned.

“We’re not going to Gravity Falls. Not right now at least. I have found something interesting that I wish to investigate. Next stop: Europe! Dublin specifically.”

“...does this have anything to do with great uncle Stanley?” Dipper asked, perturbed.

Ford fell silent as he stared ahead at the open road.

The quiet awkwardly filled the car as Mabel glanced back at her brother via the rearview mirror, the both of them making a face of worry. After an extended and tense moment, Mabel perked up, her chest puffing out as she threw a thumb at the center of it.

“Well, I don’t know about you two, but I’ve always wanted to see a leprechaun!”

The tension instantly vanished as Ford chuckled again and Dipper rolled his eyes.

“Leprechauns aren’t real,” her brother sighed.

Mabel instantly went into a pout.

“You don’t know that! I bet they are, and that their gold is really those chocolate coins that the stores sell on halloween! Oh, oh! And! They bleed sprinkles and sneeze rainbows!”

“What? You can’t be serious Mabel.” Dipper groused at his sister’s whimsy.

As they both started to go back and forth, Ford felt his heart skip a beat as elation warmed his chest from the inside out. The kids may have been a bit apprehensive, but now that they were warming up to the idea of traveling abroad he couldn’t help thinking how lucky he was. 

Dipper and Mabel were not going to hinder his search after all by forcing him to be in one place for an extended period of time (wasting precious minutes—minutes that could be life or death for Stanley wherever he was), and were sure to be a great asset to him with Dipper’s logic and Mabel’s ability to think outside the box. In time at least, once they’d gotten used to everything and he’d had time to explain the theory of weirdness to them.

Clearly, he’d have to work on Dipper’s logic and how it could be applied to the abnormal, because leprechauns were indeed real, and were ALWAYS cranky. And also work with Mabel on how to convey her creative ideas in a proper way, as sometimes they bordered on nonsensical.

But those were just small, trivial details that could be handled another day.

First things first, was making sure they were both comfortable during this trip. He wanted them to enjoy it and get a taste for adventuring just as he had, and to want to do this when the opportunity came to visit him. He wanted them to not regret taking a risk by trusting him like they just had and going along with it when he mentioned the change of plans.

Ford may have misled their parents on what he and the kids would be doing, but he had been truthful about how much they both meant to him and the care that he felt towards their wellbeing.

He glanced over again as the dappled light from passing trees danced across the interior of the car, his gaze raking over both the twins as they dissolved into giggles and laughter over something concerning dorito chips and hot sauce. How they got on that topic he hadn’t a clue but he couldn’t help laughing along as Mabel listed off how hot sauce was a better dip than nacho cheese.

….he was certain that Stanley would have adored them, just as he did.

He focused on driving again and took a turn towards the private airport he’d booked with Fiddleford right after his conversation with Lee and Abigail.

The sight of the plane already waiting on the runway gradually greeted him like a beacon of light through darkness as he slowly crested the rolling hill of freshly dewed grass and graveled dirt towards the tarmac.

Everything would be fine, Ford reassured himself.

He just hoped Dipper and Mabel were able to keep a secret.

[reverse-falls-ford]

"My world ... well, within gravity falls me and my brother run the town. I have Will under my control, and I do experiments. Preston Northwest is... annoying, but useful. My great neice and nephew live with us, performing for Stanley's little show. They are... malfunctioning? Difficult."

Ford clasps his hands behind his back, as most Fords do, but it didn't change his precise, generally confident presence. He did take mental note of the different way the other Stanford held himself.

"And you, what of your world?"

"You seem like the least pathetic version of me I've seen in this multiverse so far. Greetings."

- @reverse-falls-ford

Ooc: probably talking to stanford brain not braining -

"Well, thats almost a compliment. I suppose it'll have to do." Stanford adjusts his glasses and gives the other a once-over. He steeples his hands infront of him, instead of clasping them behind his back as most Fords do. "Another version of me...Fascinating. I seem to have succeeded in opening multiversal communications- Tell me, me, what is your world like?"

[voidfcllen]

🐤 For Dipper? :0

Send me a 🐤 for a Tweet my muse would make about yours.

[jnixz]

Youareshauni: 

I’ve just realized that Lighthouse Ford saying, “I feel a bad storm gathering”, references Maligula’s “I fear a storm is coming.” 😰 And that in the level that is about his perception of Maligula before fighting her.

Oh

OH

WELL THAT is a VERY good catch

God this game, hitting me with these sweet literary parallels. Love it

The composition of both these shots too. Glowy eyes bits hrughgh

The significance of those the symbolism in the stopping points with the bugs. From the idea of the flood, the aftermath of the devastation it has caused seen in Ford’s mindscape– to the sheer power of destruction in Lucy’s Mindscape, in the moment and in the middle of the rampage.

Put them together and you got the entirety of the deluge, of Maligula.

Just – aack man, the use of this line both these mindscape levels. Oh man. It is both like a natural intuitive thing to feel that something is coming in general, and another cool thing to add to connection of knowing that happens in having known so much about your partner. 

“I feel a bad storm gathering”

Like that is some spot on intuition/gut-feel for Young Ford. And then of course, you get the actual experience the psychic 6 had in the deluge when facing Maligula, now mirrored with Raz.

“I fear a storm is coming”

The feeling of absolute dread .

—

These statements, spoken right before facing her. An ominous foretelling.

The first– a memory, decorating the entirety of a fragmented man’s mind. Of everything that went wrong, all gleamed far away and unable to do anything. Throughout those times waiting in the gulch, the feeling of unease continued to crawl under his skin. He could have only guessed so much – from what little they get from the news and the letters. 

It wasn’t enough until it was too late.

Rain pours down

(Too much… Too much!)

The dam breaks. 

People drown. Maligula name grows and she rises.

The disbelief and the bafflement of how it has come to this. The dread he had anticipating how it all could go wrong, could not compare to fact that it did.

And then they are reached out to, pleaded and begged for them to help. They share uneasy glances to each other.

He can’t help but feel the worst of the storm has yet to come.

–

On the second time this was said, a young boy is just a brief moment away from the her. Standing off and facing down what has overwhelmed his great-aunt’s mind from grief. 

He has found out many things, and gotten to understand how this came to be.  

He can help. They all can. Gathered again once more.

(But, arrogant prince interrupts, thinking the storm would obey him– that he can control a force of nature. 

It is easy to say, he is wrong.)

And so the boy faces off the deluge. If she is continues, disaster is bound to happen again, and there might be no one to stop the it.

Weathering through the storm, aided by others, at long last both nephew and great-aunt are triumphant.

Maligula falls. All is calm once more.

—

[julez-fiction]

Top 10 Best Gangster Movies of All Time

November 25, 2021 - Here are some great movies to check out over the Thanksgiving holiday. May we all have plenty of food to eat and just as many streaming services to choose from! So load up on the pumpkin pie and get get your fill of some organized crime 😉😆🦃🥧🥔🎥🎬✌🙌

1. Scarface, 1983

My favorite quote: "You Wanna F*** With Me? Okay. You Wanna Play Rough? Okay! Say Hello To My Little Friend!"

Crime/Drama

Rotten Tomatoes: 82%

IMDb: 8.3/10

Director: Brian De Palma

Starring: Al Pacino

Synopsis:

After getting a green card in exchange for assassinating a Cuban government official, Tony Montana (Al Pacino) stakes a claim on the drug trade in Miami. Viciously murdering anyone who stands in his way, Tony eventually becomes the biggest drug lord in the state, controlling nearly all the cocaine that comes through Miami. But increased pressure from the police, wars with Colombian drug cartels and his own drug-fueled paranoia serve to fuel the flames of his eventual downfall.

Synopsis found on Google

2. Menace II Society, 1993

My Favorite Quote: Caine: "First I get shot, then you're gonna drive me home? Somebody must want me to die...."

Crime / Drama

Rotten Tomatoes: 83%

IMDb: 7.5/10

Director: Allen Hughes and Albert Hughes

Starring: Larenz Tate, Tyrin Turner, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Samuel L. Jackson

Synopsis:

After growing up in the gang lifestyle of the Los Angeles projects, 18-year-old Caine Lawson (Tyrin Turner) wants a way out. Everyone around him, including his unpredictable friend O-Dog (Larenz Tate), is trapped in their lives of crime and violence. With the help of his caring teacher (Charles Dutton) and supportive girlfriend (Jada Pinkett), Caine plans to leave the city for good. But in a series of tragic events, Caine realizes that escape will not be easy.

Synopsis found on Google

3. Mario Puzo's The Godfather Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone, 1990

My Favorite Quote: Michael Corleone: "Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment."

Crime / Drama

Rotten Tomatoes: 68%

IMDb: 7.6 / 10

Director: Francis Ford Coppola

Starring: Al Pacino, Andy Garcia, Sofia Coppola, Diane Keaton

Synopsis:

As Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) ages, he finds that being the head of the Corleone crime family isn't getting any easier. He wants his family out of the Mafia, but the mob kingpin (Eli Wallach) isn't eager to let one of the most powerful and wealthy families go legit. Making matters even worse is Michael's nephew, Vincent (Andy Garcia). Not only does Vincent want a piece of the Corleone family's criminal empire, but he also wants Michael's daughter, Mary (Sofia Coppola).

Synopsis found on Google

4. Goodfellas, 1990

My favorite Quote: Henry Hill: " As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster."

Crime / Drama

Rotten Tomatoes: 96%

IMDb: 8.7 / 10

Director: Martin Scorsese

Starring: Robert De Niro, Ray Liotta, Joe Pesci, Lorraine Bracco, Paul Sorvino

Synopsis:

A young man grows up in the mob and works very hard to advance himself through the ranks. He enjoys his life of money and luxury, but is oblivious to the horror that he causes. A drug addiction and a few mistakes ultimately unravel his climb to the top. Based on the book "Wiseguy" by Nicholas Pileggi.

Synopsis found on Google

5. The Departed, 2006

My Favorite Quote: Dingnam: "I'm The Guy Who Does His Job. You Must Be The Other Guy."

Crime / Drama

Rotten Tomatoes:90%

IMDb: 8.5 / 10

Director: Martin Scorsese

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio; Matt Damon; Jack Nicholson; Mark Whalberg; Martin Sheen; Ray Winstone; Vera Farmiga; Alec Baldwin

Synopsis:

South Boston cop Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio) goes under cover to infiltrate the organization of gangland chief Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson). As Billy gains the mobster's trust, a career criminal named Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon) infiltrates the police department and reports on its activities to his syndicate bosses. When both organizations learn they have a mole in their midst, Billy and Colin must figure out each other's identities to save their own lives.

Synopsis found on Google

6. American Gangster, 2007

My Favorite Quote: Frank Lucas: "The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room.".

Crime / Drama

Rotten Tomatoes: 81%

IMDb: 7.8 / 10

Director: Ridley Scott

Starring: Denzel Washington; Lymari Nadal; Russell Crowe; Caria Gugino; Idris Elba

Synopsis:

Harlem drug dealer Frank Lucas rises to power in corrupt 1970s New York, equalling and surpassing the notorious Mafia families with the reach of his empire. On the other side of the law, honest cop Richie Roberts dedicates himself to taking down `the most dangerous man walking the streets'. Lucas acts with impunity, smuggling heroin into the US in the coffins of American soldiers killed in Vietnam.

Synopsis found on Google

7. Boyz N The Hood, 1991

My Favorite Quote: Furious:" Never Respect Anybody Who Doesn't Respect You Back."

Crime / Drama

Rotten Tomatoes: 96%

IMDb: 7.8 / 10

Director: John Singleton

Starring: Cuba Gooding, Jr.; Ice Cube; Laurence Fishbourne; Morris Chestnut; Angela Bassett; Regina King; Nia Long

Synopsis:

Tre (Cuba Gooding Jr.) is sent to live with his father, Furious Styles (Larry Fishburne), in tough South Central Los Angeles. Although his hard-nosed father instills proper values and respect in him, and his devout girlfriend Brandi (Nia Long) teaches him about faith, Tre's friends Doughboy (Ice Cube) and Ricky (Morris Chestnut) don't have the same kind of support and are drawn into the neighborhood's booming drug and gang culture, with increasingly tragic results.

Synopsis found on Google

8. Donnie Brasco, 1997

My Favorite Quote: Donnie Brasco: " If I come out alive, this guy, Lefty, ends up dead. Thats the same thing as me putting the bullet in his head myself."

Crime / Drama

Rotten Tomatoes: --

IMDb: 7.7 / 10

Director: Mike Newell

Starring: Al Pacino, Johnny Depp, Michael Madsen, Bruno Kirby, James Russo, Anne Hache

Synopsis:

Joseph Pistone (Johnny Depp) is an FBI agent who has infiltrated one of the major New York Mafia families and is living under the name Donnie Brasco. He develops a relationship with mob hit man Benjamin "Lefty" Ruggiero (Al Pacino) in order to get deeper under cover, but ends up developing a real friendship with the Mafioso. As their relationship develops, Pistone must decide whether or not to complete his job, knowing that it will lead to the murder of his new friend.

Synopsis found on Google

9. Casino, 1995

My Favorite Quote: Ace Rothstein: “That’s The Truth About Las Vegas. We’re The Only Winners. The Players Don’t Stand A Chance.”

Crime / Drama

Rotten Tomatoes: 79%

IMDb: 8.2 / 10

Director: Martin Scorsese

Starring: Robert De Niro; Sharon Stone; Joe Pesci; Don Rickles; Kevin Pollack; James Woods

Synopsis:

In early-1970s Las Vegas, low-level mobster Sam "Ace" Rothstein (Robert De Niro) gets tapped by his bosses to head the Tangiers Casino. At first, he's a great success in the job, but over the years, problems with his loose-cannon enforcer Nicky Santoro (Joe Pesci), his ex-hustler wife Ginger (Sharon Stone), her con-artist ex Lester Diamond (James Woods) and a handful of corrupt politicians put Sam in ever-increasing danger. Martin Scorsese directs this adaptation of Nicholas Pileggi's book.

Synopsis found on Google

10. The Usual Suspects, 1995

My Favorite Quote: Kobayashi: "One Cannot Be Betrayed If One Has No People."

Thriller / Crime

Rotten Tomatoes: 88%

IMDb: 8.5 / 10

Director: Bryan Singer

Starring: Kevin Spacey; Benicio del Toro; Gabriel Byrne; Stephen Baldwin; Kevin Pollack; Chazz Palminteri

Synopsis:

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist," says con man Kint (Kevin Spacey), drawing a comparison to the most enigmatic criminal of all time, Keyser Soze. Kint attempts to convince the feds that the mythic crime lord not only exists, but is also responsible for drawing Kint and his four partners into a multi-million dollar heist that ended with an explosion in San Pedro Harbor - leaving few survivors.

Synopsis found on Google

[artist-in-an-ugly-sweater]

So- people seem to be curious about what happened prior to the drawing I made of gar grunkle Stan and sphynx Ford, thus I decided to try some writing? Just a short to explain what is going on. If it gets too long and boring for anyone who's curious about the story to that picture can simply scroll down all the way. I'll put a summary there so I don't spoil anything to someone who'd like to read through this.

Now, without any further ado, let us begin!

Stone cold treatment

a "short" monsterfalls story

Stone. One of the thing a living creature would never like to be. Alive, but not really, trapped underneath a shell of stone. Able to hear, able to feel everything, yet unable to do anything about what you heard or felt. That was how he'd been feeling ever since the first time he turned to stone. It was natural for a gargoyle like himself, thus one would think he is be able to control it, right? But he was not. Ever since he turned into a gargoyle, Stanley Pines simply couldn't control this new ability of his; the ability of turning to stone. The first time it happened, it was a brand new, terrifying experience, and it was honestly no different each time it happened without his control. This one time, however, it was a bazillion times worse.

His nephew Dipper and worker Wendy were hanging out in the back yard of the Shack when it happened. He was sitting there on the porch by his niece, Mabel, who was basking in her small pool, cheering for her brother and Wendy. The two of them had been having a hard time adjusting to their new forms, too, but honestly, who hadn't? Dipper had trouble walking, thus he required quite the bit of practice. It took him a while to even make it to the back yard. Luckily, he had his family and friends to help him out once he quit his "I can do it on my own" phase of his walks. That was partially why Wendy was there. She was helping him walk, watching over the cervitaur and his attempts to get a hang of walking on fours. It was for her own benefit, too. Wendy was a werewolf and ever since her transformation had trouble handling herself when it came to wildlife. She'd been struggling with pouncing and attacking things that seemed huntable, making it especially hard to keep it cool around Dipper who was half deer.

She honestly wanted to stop seeing Dipper and giving up her job at the Shack just to keep him safe. She would've done it if it wasn't for Grunkle Stan, who encouraged her and convinced her to try and get a hold of her new wild tendencies. He promised to provide supervision over the two in case something went wrong, but fortunately, everything had been going smoothly. Soon enough, Dipper's slow trots turned into faster paces back and forth with Wendy by his side. “You're doing great, deer brother!” Mabel cheered, giggling over her own joke. Wendy gave a light laugh whilst Dipper's cheeks flushed a tint of red as he yelled back: “Not funny when you say it all the time, Mabel!” “Come 'ere you dork! ” Wendy laughed as she ruffled the cervitaur's hair, receiving quite the nervous laugh in response from the now bright red boy. Stan gave a light chuckle himself. Everyone was having fun. There was nothing to worry about, he thought. For once after this huge change in his and everyone's lives, Stan felt at peace. He felt like he could rest without things turning against him. Close his eyes and...relax. And so he did. Stan let his eyes close, leaning back into the backrest of the scruffy couch on the porch gently, minding his wings as he didn't lean in completely.

The next thing he knew, however, he heard a yell. His niece was yelling for help. “Grunkle Stan!! Grunkle Stan, do something!!” she cried, but to no avail. Her great uncle Stan gave no response, simply resting upon the cushions of the couch without a single twitch despite what was going on. Despite the loud snarling, growling and yelling of both his niece and nephew who begged for help. It was happening again. His eyes wouldn't open, his arms and legs wouldn't listen, but he could hear it. He could hear it all. The terror in Dipper's voice as he yelled “Wendy stop! P-please!!”; the dismay in Mabel's voice as she begged for her grunkle to do something- anything! Mabel herself couldn't do much. She was a mermaid and she couldn't leave her pool just like that. It were times like these that she wished she'd turned into something alike to Dipper, with an extra pair of legs instead of none. Stan began to panic. He couldn't see, say or do anything despite how much he tried to. The stony shell he'd formed once he relaxed his body held him prisoner, making him listen helplessly as his nephew was chased about, getting hurt- or worse. It was alike to a nightmare in which you couldn't do anything to save the day, only watch as your loved ones were taken away. Or in Stan's case, listen.

It wasn't till he heard the door fly open by his side and his niece cry out his brother's name that a brief wave of relief washed over him. “Grunkle Ford!!” Mabel called as her great uncle Ford rushed out of the house, ready to tackle whatever danger his grandniece and nephew stood against. A roar from the Sphinx, cries and whining followed and then – silence. Everything went silent. Was it over? Was everyone alright?

Stan felt his panic ease up along with the stone keeping him in place. Hearing it crackle, he didn't hesitate another second and broke free, lunging forth. He caught his balance and stepped out towards what he assumed was his nephew, brother and Wendy, his vision blurry at first. He could see it all clearly within a moment's notice: his brother, standing tall with Dipper cradled in his arms, Wendy pinned under one of his feet.

“Dear Mozes! Are ya kids alright?! Dipper, are ya--” Stan exclaimed in concern as he approached almost instantly, receiving a piercing glare from his brother that made him stop in his tracks. Ford looked mad, mad at him, but for what? He didn't do anything wrong- “Stanley what were you thinking? Do you have any idea what could've- no, what would've happened if I weren't near by?? You've left the children unsupervised and you know how troublesome it is with the young Corduroy these days!” Ford yelled in his Stan's face, who simply stared down at the bloody wound on Dipper's side held by his brother in silence. “I am sorry, it wasn' intentional! I-I've been watchin' the kids, I swear! I jus'- i-it happened again and I- ya know I can't control it!” “Well then maybe you should!” “W-wha-” “Maybe you should know how to control it! Maybe you should do your best to learn to control it instead of sitting around, drinking soda and watching as your nephew gets torn to shreds!! Quit acting like a child and be the adult these children need you to be!” With that, neither of them spoke no more, only exchanged looks. A look of disappointment and anger piercing through that of defeat and guilt. Mabel watched silently as the two older twins parted their ways.

Ford made his way inside to tend to Dipper's wound while Stan took care of Wendy, then his niece, bringing her into a small preset pool in the living room. He said nothing when Mabel tried to tell him it was not his fault, because he knew better. It was his and his fault only. He offered to watch them and he failed. After bringing Mabel some snacks for the time she'd have to wait for his and her brothers' return from the bathroom, he left, not to be seen again for the rest of the day.

The shack was silent from there. Mabel was already fast asleep by the time Ford returned with his nephew bandaged up and asleep in his arms. He set the cervitaur into the armchair by Mabel's side, putting a blanket over him before he left for his room, making sure the shack was locked and secure before he himself retired to sleep.

The next day started alike to any other day. Ford went down into his study in the early morning like he always did, trying to find a way to reverse the effects of the mythical river Fluvius Cantus on himself, his family, and the whole town. It was around 10 AM that his niece called out for him upstairs. Bless his enhanced hearing on this one, for her call sounded once again like an emergency.

“I am coming!” The sphinx yelled as he rushed upstairs, only to find Mabel's call was not quite due to what he imagined. He found his niece and nephew in the living room, both awake and, inarguably, worried. The two of them were surrounded by the packets of snacks Stan had brought them yesterday, and shortly, Mabel was explaining why accordingly to Ford's questions. “What is the problem children? Did something happen? What's with all the packets?” “Grunkle Ford, Grunkle Stan hasn't shown up since yesterday!” “Yeah, we're worried.” Dipper added weakly. “He left me some snacks yesterday while I was waiting for you and Dipper and I haven't seen him since! We had to eat those for breakfast when he didn't show up to make some...” “Grunkle Stan never leaves just like that,” “Not without rambling about his 'evil' plans for the day,” “Wendy hasn't shown up, either, do you have any idea where the two of them could've gone?” Dipper asked, shooting his grunkle a worried look.

Stan was missing? He knew where the young Corduroy had gone- earlier that morning, she'd called to apologize for yesterday to which Ford advised her to take some time off and try meditation to handle her inner demons. Stan, however, had no reason to be missing. “I've told your friend Wendy to take some time off and gather herself, but I have no knowledge of my brother's whereabouts. Perhaps he'd left to commit some sort of misdeed of his, or restock for the Shack, who knows.” Ford commented, crossing his arms behind his back in thought. “Could you please look for him Grunkle Ford? Pretty please?” Mabel pleaded, holding her hands together as she puppy-eyed her great uncle. Ford was powerless against those eyes. “I suppose I could take a look around the Shack...” he murmured. “YAY! Thanks Grunkle Ford!” Mabel exclaimed, beaming. Dipper smiled lightly as the two of them watched their great uncle leave to check the shack for Stan, awaiting his return while turning on some Duck-tective to shorten their wait, although the two of them chattered about their Grunkle in worry for the main part, anyways.

Ford searched the whole interior of the shack in search for his brother. The bathroom, the attic, the bedrooms, museum, everywhere. It was when his search inside was in vein that he walked outside to look there. Fortunately for him, he could very easily look over the entire shack by taking a soar through the sky. Spreading his wings wide as he stepped out at the back of the shack, he was about to take off when he spot something with the corner of his eye. There he was. There was no mistaking the gargoyle statue settled atop the roof looming over the porch. Wheeling around, Ford looked up to his brother, closing his wings as he spoke. “You've been here this whole time? Hiding like a child? Stanley, the children are worried sick. I searched the entire shack in attempts to calm their concerns. Did you even think about that? About them?” He questioned, yet his twin gave no response. “You won't talk to me, will you? Well I don't have to bother, either. I shall tell Mabel and Dipper about your whereabouts. If you have any sort of conscience you'll come down and apologize. Don't leave the children waiting.” And once again, the older twin was on his leave, coming inside to inform his niece and nephew of Stan's safety.

Throughout the rest of the day, the twins were expecting their Grunkle intently, although to no avail. He didn't show up for the rest of the day, leaving Ford to take care of the twins on his own. The next day went down alike to the last one. No Stan, only Ford, having to drop his daily research to care for the twins. Change Dipper's bandages, check his wounds, change the water in Mabel's pool, feed the two, all that and more. He never thought his brother did so much for the kids and didn't just slack off. There were times the children asked to see their other great uncle, and so, eventually, Ford did bring the two of them outside to show them their Grunkle Stan. Nothing. Despite their attempts to call out to their Grunkle, the twins didn't get a response, either. It pained them to see their Grunkle like that, for they knew how much he disliked when he turned to stone, yet they knew that this time, it was possibly his own choice. Nonetheless, though, they couldn't help but ask a few questions. “Is this permanent?” “Is Grunkle Stan alright?” they questioned almost in sync. It was when Ford realised that, honestly “I don't know...” He had no idea whether his brother was ok, whether he was going to be alright, whether he would stay like this forever. The fact that the last thing he said to him was that he was pretty much a horrible caretaker with tendencies beyond childish didn't help him feel any better. This could all actually be his fault. Stan came out here and turned to stone just because he thought how worthless he was. It only made sense. He'd probably have to apologize to get him off the roof eventually, for the kids' sake if anything. Maybe he just needed some time? “Let's get you two back indoors, I'll find a way to get your great uncle off the roof.”

And with that, the three of them headed back inside. Soon enough, Ford tucked the twins in, although he couldn't quite sleep himself. He kept on thinking about Stanley, whether he should or shouldn't apologize. He was still angry about his brother's habits, but thinking about it now, Stanley really didn't mean it. He was in no control of what happend, and what happened happened. Perhaps he could help him control it? Help him meditate and learn how to take cont- BOOM! The loud sound of thunder interrupted his train of thought. It was past midnight when the storm struck up, waking up the twins upstairs. “AAAAH!!! Grunkle Ford!!” They screamed. Ford ran out of his room almost immediately, rushing up into the twins' bedroom to check up on the two. “Don't worry kids! It's just a storm... It'll be over shortly.” Ford said as he came into the room, trying to comfort the two. “B-but Grunkle Ford, Grunkle Stan is still outside! Could you please go check on him?“ Mabel asked with worry in her pleading eyes. It seemed they were not afraid of the storm itself, but afraid of what could happen to their Grunkle.

“Alright, stay here, I'll be back shortly.” Without any further hesitation, Ford left the shack for the back yard, stopping in front of the porch. With a light flap of his wings, he brought himself to the rooftop his brother sat upon, landing by his side as the rain slowly drenched his clothes. “Stanley!” Stanford called, grumbling lowly as another lightning struck, shaking the ground with its shortly following thunder. Frowning, the older twin spread a wing out over his brother to shield him off from the rain, leaning forward in attempts to see into his brother's face. “Stanley, the children are worried, quit this little act and get inside!” No response. Sighing, Ford settled down by Stan's side, keeping a wing spread overhead to keep him out of the heavy rain, although to a stone statue, it mattered none. Glancing aside, Stanford grumbled, setting his hands into his lap as he began his little confrontation. “Quit acting like a child, Stanley, it’s been three days... I am sorry, okay? I know you can't control it. I know you couldn't when Wendy attacked Dipper and I know it wasn't your intention. The things you do for the kids, the way you treat them... I know you would never intentionally stone yourself and let them get hurt. I was angry, I was afraid. Afraid of what could've happened if I hadn't come in time. I am sorry that I blamed you for something out of your control. Please, come inside and stop punishing yourself like this. I can try to help you with controlling it, help you learn how to prevent it just...please don't do this to yourself... To the kids... To me...” Receiving no response, the older twin looked down helplessly, giving a heavy sigh. “I-” “What do ya think I've been doing?” Ford started, only to be cut off by- Stanley. Dazed by the sudden response, the sphinx had a hard time speaking again, stammering. “W-w--what do you mean..?” “I am not stupid, Ford. I know I have no control over it, and I know I shoulda learn how to control it. So I've been here, tryin' ta' learn how ta' do it.” Stan explained as he lowered his wings, the stony shell around him crackling and falling off slowly, leaving the gargoyle dry and refreshed. “W-wait- so you are...you were not doing this to punish yourself...? You were not angry with me?” Ford questioned as the two of them met eyes. “Oh, no no, I was angry with ya, Poindexter. Glad ya figured ya'd come apologize now. I was about ta' give up to da rain. Don't get me wrong, da rain's nice, but the thunder part of it all is unnecessary.” “...So you were childishly ignoring me.” “Maaaybe?” This received Stan a light shove and almost immediately after a tight hug around the neck with a nuggie that almost instantly threw his fez off into his lap. “You little!-” “Little what?!” Stan exclaimed in between his chuckles, tackling his brother off the roof with laughter. It was a safe fall for the two of them, leaving them playfully rolling about in the mud on the ground as they laughed together, soon sitting up with light chuckles and huff while the rain slowly washed bits of the mud away. “Sixer?” “Yes, Stanley?” “Sorry fer actin' like an oversized kid.” “Heh... Sorry for acting like an adult know-it-all.” “Apology accepted.” “I suppose I need to ease up a little.” “I guess I need ta' grow up a little.” The two of them said in sync, laughing before smiling at eachother.

“GRUNKLE STAN!! GRUNKLE FORD!! ARE YOU GUYS-- oh...” The cervitaur kicking the back door of the shack yelled, carrying his sister on his back. The two of them were sure they'd just seen the two of them argue and fall off the roof in a scuffle- then again, it was hard to actually make out what they were saying through the window. “Dipper my boy, you-- you made it down the stairs? On your own? With Mabel on your back?” “I-” Dipper blushed. “Y-yeah I- I guess I just uh- we needed to check on you guys and- I am sorry I didn't listen-” “Don't be sorry, Dipper, you listened to your instincts and those told you your family might be in trouble. You acted very selflessly. I would've done the same. I am proud of you.” The sphinx and the cervitaur exchanged a smile, although it was soon replaced by an expression of shock as Mabel yelled: “Could you guys stop nerding out about this and focus on the important stuff?!” “Ouch-” Dipper huffed. “Grunkle Stan is back! And you guys made up! But uh- we should get inside. You guys could catch a cold and I am gonna *huff* I am gonna suffocate here.” “Ah- yes, let's get all back inside, quickly. Dipper, I'll need to check your bandages! Stanley, could you take care of Mabel?” “Sure thing Poindexter!” With that, the two of them stood, coming up to cradle their respective twins in their arms to care for them inside.

Getting a little moisture from her great uncle's wet suit, Mabel smiled as she was carried towards her pool, looking up to her Grunkle with a murmur: “I am glad you're back Grunkle Stan.” “I am glad ta' be back, too.”

WELP- Here you have it guys! This was one hell of a ride. It's the longest and the first thing I ever wrote and actually published. Is it good? Is it not? Who knows! I tried to keep it as short as possible. Hope you guys like the answer to what happened prior this picture:

Either way, hope you're having a swell day!

And as for the promised summary:

Summary: Grunkle Stan and the kids have a little accident with Dipper and Wendy, which Grunkle Stan sits through, being in his stone form. This angers Ford and he tells him to learn how to control it. From there, Stan disappears and is nowhere to be found, only to be later discovered on the roof in his statue form. He is irresponsive, everyone os worried, but in the end, everything turns out well.

[fluorescentpipedream]

Some character notes while I’m thinking of them

Trevor Phillips (main world)

Mid-40s, Canadian originally, he lived on the border between the US and Canada for most of his young life, in and out of detention facilities and jail for a while before he eventually wound up in LA, around the time Damien and Jax were vying for power. Trevor is what is known as a Berserker, you wind him up and set him loose and he’ll cause carnage until he either runs out of energy, ammo or someone sedates him.

About 5 years ago he was involved in a home invasion gone wrong (or possibly right, I don’t know if he went in with the intention to kill or not) which resulted in a married couple being killed in their homes. The massacre made public attention because of the trial mostly. The neighbor -thought- she had seen him but he was wearing a mask and it was dark so she could only identify him by his hairline. The only one that COULD have identified him was a 3 year old little girl who only said he was like the Grinch, he gave her a cup and put her back to bed. He was acquitted and disappeared into the less populated areas around Los Angeles where Theresa finds him later for a big job she is planning.

Trevor was a bit of a surrogate father type to Ryki and Rory and has very little empathy for nearly everyone. He is the kind of person you could oddly trust with your child but not necessarily your grandparent. He is a drug addict, but not racist, homophobic, he just has a short fuse and often doesn’t take much to set off.

Trevor Phillips (2nd version, alternate world)

Imagine a world where the EPA, FCC, and most government controls have thrown their hands in the air and said fuck it. The people left behind after a pandemic that wiped out about 2/3 of the population just don’t care anymore. Drug addicts, dealers and criminals all play the same game day to day where if they want it, they take it and the one with the most toys at the end wins. This version of Trevor is psychotic, unhinged and gives absolutely no fucks. He would kill someone for a Klondike bar without even flinching.

Simon Knox (yes, -that- Knox)

Simon is Jericho (Lorelei, John & Ryder’s father), Daryl and Quinten’s (Ford & Matthew’s father) brother, closer in age to Jericho and not that emotionally stable. Simon joined a motorcycle gang in Georgia when he was a teen and Jericho had been a member before he got married and left them, while his brother remained behind in them. When the Outlaws left the state he moved with them, refusing to continue down the same road as countless members of the Knox family had before him. Blood may be thicker than water but it’s just as easy to cross. Simon has met his nieces and nephews but doesn’t spend much time with the family due in part to his open ended sexuality and a very real threat that if he was ever near “uncle Teddy” again, he’d kill the man (he may have been one of his uncle’s victims but he’s not really liberal with that info right now.)

Simon became a member of the Slayers in LA when the gang he had been with at the time was assimilated into the group. Lethal with any weapon, he doesn’t show much empathy or emotion towards anyone but he does hold some people in very high regard and would follow them to hell. Immensely loyal though never to a fault, he’s dangerous if he’s unhinged. Following the death of BP and his wife, Simon is among the ones captured and thrown into an ultimate death match, in order to wheedle out who murdered them. The home had been the site of a berserker’s rage, there’s only a few in the Slayers capable of that level of violence.

When Queenie makes an appearance and Rollo attempts to kill her, as he failed to do the first time, Simon picks up an axe that was on the ground near him and proceeds to…deal with Rollo. Afterward he kneels to Queenie, as she’s BP’s daughter, she’s the defacto leader.

This one doesn’t have a name yet, he’s a member of a rogue motorcycle group run by a Negan type in our Zombie world. Same basic hallmarks exist in his personality from the other three, fiercely loyal and dangerous though more quiet. Negan somehow comes into possession of Mikail, following a Zombie attack on Kristy & Ryki’s small convoy. While he’s not above murdering children to prove a point, this one often stays close to the little boy acting as protector. Negan and his lot are dangerous but are in control of a lot of weapons and food, if they play their cards right, they can either be a great help or worst enemy of Kristy and Ryki’s small group. Considering he uses the same one as Simon, he may be an alt version of him, I’m not that sure

@musesnotebook​

[infiniteocs]

Branwen Pines - Gravity Falls

Name: Branwen Pines

Nickname, if any: Bran, Wen , Mrs. Mystery

Kind of Being (Human, Animal, Elf, etc.): Faerie from a different dimension

Age: just over 100, but looks to be anywhere from 30 to 50

Gender: Female

Appearance: Long black hair, usually kept in a braid or a ponytail (unless Mabel gets ahold of her). She's nearly six feet tall and has green eyes. Strong and sturdy. Her ears are slightly pointed, but she usually keeps them hidden.

Occupation, if applicable: Co-owner of the Mystery Shack

Family Members (flexible): Stan Pines (husband), Ford Pines (husband), Dipper Pines (great-grand-nephew), Mabel Pines (great-grand-niece)

Pets: An owl named Artemis (Artie for short)

Best friend: Fiddleford McGucket, Adrian (former)

Way of Speaking: It really depends on who she’s with.

Describe his/her room: Her personal room (that no one else is allowed in) is filled with drawings, some her own, but most are Ford��s. She’s got a lot of keepsakes from her time in Gravity Falls.

Physical characteristics (Posture, gestures, attitude, etc.): Again, it depends on who she's with. Mostly, she’s independent and carefree. She says what she's thinking, and doesn't really care what people think about her. She's got a really sensitive side, though, and often goes into her secret room when her feelings get to be too much. She tends to emulate whoever she’s with at the time, so she's hyper with Mabel, curious with Dipper, tough with Stan, etc.

Items in his/her pockets or backpack or purse: Cell phone, wallet, emergency first aid and sewing kits. Pretty much, if you need it, she’s got it. She always carries a book with her.

Hobbies: Reading, walking in the woods, drawing, painting, playing D,D,& More D, watching TV.

Favorite Sports: Anything with fighting

Talents, abilities, or powers: She's immortal, but can be killed. She has the ability to grant wishes, but only one wish per person, and she doesn’t advertise that ability. Stronger than the average human.

Relationships (How s/he is with other people): She can be flirty when she finds someone attractive. She's mostly easygoing and carefree, but if you become her enemy, she’ll become your worst nightmare.

Fears: That she'll never see Ford again. That Bill Cipher will return. That the prince she left her home dimension to escape will somehow find her.

Faults: She keeps secrets. She can be selfish and greedy (especially after living with Stan for 30 years).

Good Points: She cares about her friends and family, and would do anything for them.

What s/he wants more than anything else: To get Ford back. To somehow find a way to see her friends and family from her home dimension.

Other Details: Her relationship with the Pines is flexible. I just wanted to write out her backstory the way I imagine it. Threads can be at any point in the timeline.

Branwen is from a different dimension. She's called a faerie, but she's not like faeries in this dimension, she doesn't have magic, save for the ability to grant one wish per person (there are rules and limitations to the wish). In her world, almost everyone is polyamorous. People typically have one or two primary partners, and any number of secondary or casual partners. Branwen grew up with her mother and her mother's primary partner, who Branwen considered her father (she doesn't know who her biological father is, not does she particularly care). She never had any serious partners of her own, though she did go on a few dates with her best friend, Adrian. One day, a prince, who still held to the “old ways”, saw Branwen and wanted her for his harem. Branwen wanted no part of that. Not only would it mean she would lose her freedom, but she wasn't attracted to the prince in any way. Unfortunately, the prince wouldn't take no for an answer. He continued to try to force Branwen into joining his harem. Eventually, after trying everything else she could think of to get the prince off her back, she went to Adrian for help. Adrian had a rare artifact that could send Branwen to another dimension, but it only worked once, and would be a one-way trip. If she went through, there was no way of knowing where she’d end up, and she’d never be able to return. Branwen didn't see another choice. She bid her parents and Adrian goodbye, and used the artifact.

The artifact brought her to Gravity Falls. Branwen spent a couple years living in the woods, watching and learning about the people who inhabited her new home. She learned the language, learned what she could about humans so she could try to eventually live among them. Roughly two years after she emerged in Gravity Falls, she met Stanford Pines, when he stumbled into her forest home while investigating rumors of a “wood nymph”. He knew almost immediately that Branwen wasn’t human, and she was fascinated by him as well. Eventually, the two made an agreement, Ford would teach Branwen how to be human, and she would tell him about her people and where she came from. They fell in love and got married a short time later, but only under the condition that Ford wouldn't try to change her. He would be her primary partner, the one she came home to at the end of the day, but she would still be free to date other people, if she felt like it, and so would he. She lived with Ford and helped him with his research. She was concerned when Bill Cipher showed up, but she trusted that Ford knew what he was doing (she later regretted that she didn't do more to talk Ford into not working with Bill). Through everything, she never left Ford’s side. She did her best to help him, though she didn't quite know how.

She was thankful when Ford agreed to send for Stan, even though she’d never met him. She hoped he could help. After the twins’ fight, and Ford was gone, Branwen didn't know how to react. She hated Stan for what happened. She locked herself in her room and didn't come out for days. By the time she did come out, she found that, not only had Stan taken over her house, but he took Ford’s identity as well. She was furious. She would have kicked him out of the house right then, but he promised her he would help bring Ford back. She reluctantly agreed to let him stay, and to keep his secret, it was easier than trying to explain everything, anyway, though she did have to control herself wherever the townspeople called Stan her husband. Eventually, her anger at Stan diminished. They became friends, and after finally telling Stan the truth about what she was, they fell in love. The whole town thought they were married anyway, so they just let it be. When they did get married for real, Branwen gave Stan the same conditions she gave Ford.

Branwen tends to emulate the people she's around most, so after 30 years with Stan, she has a lot of the same tendencies toward greed, manipulation, and physical violence, but she's still got the curious, scientific mind she gained while living with Ford, and the values instilled in her by her parents. When Dipper and Mabel arrive, she takes on certain traits of theirs, as well, sometimes to Stan’s chagrin.

[detectivejigsawpines]

Ford vs. His Family-part 1 (Breaking of the fellowship)

In which Mabel’s hearing is better than she lets on, and Ford has underestimated the significance of family to Dipper; as a result, Weirdmageddon is averted, but there is still a rift in dire need of healing.

“Mabel!”  Dipper burst into the attic room, overflowing with excitement.  “I just had the best day of my life! UFOs are real and there's one under the town and I saved Great Uncle Ford’s life and- and…”

He finally noticed that Mabel was lying unnaturally still (as in, lying still at all) on her bed, not acknowledging him.  She hadn’t even looked up when he ran in. His ebullience began to be replaced by confusion. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Tell me it’s not true, Dipper,” Mabel whispered.  Slowly she sat up. “Tell me you were joking!”

In her hand was the walkie-talkie, still crackling with static.

Dipper gasped; he hadn’t realized that it had started working again!

Before he could speak, Mabel went on, “Ford’s apprentice?  Seriously?”

He sighed.  “Look, I’ve been thinking and...this is a huge opportunity for me.”

As he spoke, Mabel huddled in on herself, clamping her hands over her ears like that could make this not real.  Then she exploded, with tears in her eyes, “Well it’s a horrible opportunity for me!”

Dipper flinched; he hadn’t realized that she would get so upset by this.  No-she didn’t just sound upset. She sounded... betrayed.

“I had the worst day of my life!” Mabel ranted, jumping off her bed and walking away towards the middle of their room.  “When we turn thirteen, the summer ends, and I have to leave everything behind!” She whirled on him, pointing. “You’re the only person I can count on, and now you’re leaving me too?  So me and Grunkle Stan are both gonna lose our brothers?!”

“Wh-what?”  Dipper blinked.  “What are you talking about?”

Mabel sniffled, and wiped her eyes on her sweater sleeve.  “I-I-when they were talking after he first came back, Ford told Grunkle Stan that he has to give him the house back at the end of the summer.  I didn’t wanna believe it-I thought they’d work things out and stop fighting by now. But this-this just confirms it-he’s using you to replace Grunkle Stan!”

Dipper’s stomach dropped even worse than it had when he’d first seen the drone come to life.  “No-no, that can’t be right. Great Uncle Ford wouldn’t do that.”

“Ask him!” Mabel challenged, eyes filling with tears again.  “Ask him if you don’t believe me!”

Dipper glanced uncertainly over at his backpack, where the rift was.

********

Ford had just finished setting things up to seal the rift and finally make things safe from Bill (at least until or unless he could design a more permanent solution), when he heard the sound of very young feet walking down the stairs.

“Let me guess,” he said without turning around, “Mabel didn’t take it well.”

There was a brief silence.  Then Dipper blurted, “Are you planning to kick out Grunkle Stan?”

The old scientist nearly dropped his equipment, and had to fumble to catch it.  He turned around, and saw Dipper standing there with his backpack clutched in his arms, actually looking like a twelve-year-old for once.

For a moment, Ford’s thought processes froze, and he was surprised to feel a pang of something that might have been guilt or nervousness in his chest.  Either way, he was annoyed by it, and tried to squelch it. But it was hard when the boy was still standing there staring at him, waiting for an answer...and looking increasingly crushed as none came.

At last Ford swallowed and said, “That-I wouldn’t put it quite like-that’s not important right now.  Dipper, I-I need you to hand me the rift so we can deal with this-”

“How can you do that to him?”

Dipper’s voice was starting to rise and tremble violently, and his hands were shaking.  “And why-you weren’t even gonna tell me about that when you asked me to be your apprentice?”  Now his eyebrows drew together, and his volume increased. “What, were you hoping I’d be so excited about everything I’d be learning from you that I just wouldn’t notice he wasn’t around anymore?!”

“No, I thought you would understand that I’m putting an end to my brother’s farcical scam that’s been going on for far too long!”

Dipper recoiled, looking like he’d been slapped with words.

Ford barely had time to process that there was actual hurt in his nephew’s eyes, before he glared, and stomped forward, yanking the rift from his backpack and shoving it into Ford’s chest.

“You can keep your dumb mysteries,” he whispered venomously.  “I’m going back to Piedmont with Mabel. Because yeah, she can be kind of annoying and insensitive sometimes, but she is not suffocating.  She’s my sister.”

And without another word, he turned and rushed back upstairs, slamming the door behind him.

********

The attic door opened for the second time that evening-but it was a very different boy who came slowly inside, kicking it shut with his heel and letting his backpack slip off his shoulder onto the floor.

Mabel could tell from his expression that he’d just been to see Ford, and what she’d heard had been true.  And a nasty, vindictive voice in the back of her mind kind of wanted to say “I told you so.”

Except Dipper looked so crushed that immediately she felt bad for the thought, and let it vanish like a wisp of cotton candy in the wind.

She got off her bed and went over to her brother, putting a tentative hand on his shoulder.

“Dipper?  You okay?”

His mouth trembled, and he closed his eyes to keep her from seeing the tears starting to form.

Mabel wrapped her arms around her brother.

“Oh man, I’m sorry, Dipper.  I know you were excited about the possibility of staying here-”

She stopped talking when Dipper began sobbing, and just rocked back and forth, trying to soothe him.

“I can’t believe I thought he was so great,” Dipper whispered sometime later, moping on his bed with Mabel at his side.  “I mean-he acts so cool! He likes D,D&D, we can talk for hours about all the science and supernatural stuff that puts you and Grunkle Stan to sleep, he can pull off wearing a trench coat and turtleneck in the middle of summer-and all this time he was planning on-this.”

His shoulders drooped miserably.

“Dipper…”  Mabel gave him another hug.  “He’s still pretty cool. He’s just also kind of a poophead.”

To her relief, that finally got her brother to laugh a little.  But it didn’t last long before he was sighing again, and staring gloomily at his knees.  “We need to do something to help Grunkle Stan. He’s too old to go back on the streets.”

She cringed at the very idea of her favorite (she had decided that right now he was definitely her favorite, and likely to stay that way for the foreseeable future) grunkle being alone again; because even though he’d claimed he was fine after getting kicked out, something told her that he was lying.  And then her eyes brightened.

“I have a brilliant-beyond-brilliant idea!”

********

Stan came back inside from putting up more signs advertising the Mystery Shack, massaging his back in the spot that always seemed to be getting sore nowadays.

Moses, there were times when he hated being old and decrepit.

With a sigh he headed for the fridge and grabbed a Pitt, wondering if the two nerds were back from their little trip yet.  If they’d deign to descend from on high (metaphorically, since their typical meeting place was in the opposite direction-heh, there was some great joke material there) to mingle with common folk like him and-

“Grunkle Stan, Grunkle Stan!”

The chorus of young voices was soon enough followed by just the gremlins he’d been thinking about.  Dipper, he noticed, was looking kind of banged up, and he felt his protective instincts bristle.

I ask one thing of you, Stanford.  ONE THING!

“What the heck happened ta you?” he asked, looking Dipper over with concern.

And to his horror, the kid’s eyes watered...before he lunged at Stan and threw his arms around his waist.

This time, Stan didn’t try to make any kind of jokes or write this off somehow.  Not when he suddenly felt his shirt growing damp, and saw that the kid's shoulders were shaking.  He just looked over at Mabel for some kind of explanation, while putting his hand on Dipper’s head and awkwardly petting his hair.

“Hey, what-what’s the matter, huh?”

Mabel came and hugged him too.  “We know that Great Uncle Ford’s gonna throw you out at the end of the summer, Grunkle Stan,” she said.

Stan cringed.  “What’re you-”

“You don’t have to pretend,” Dipper murmured, voice muffled against his jacket.  “He admitted it already. We’re so-so sorry.”

At last Stan stopped just standing there awkwardly, and put his arms around them both.

****

When the kids had both calmed down somewhat Stan got them all settled around the kitchen table, with sodas for everyone, and the whole story came out-from the rift created by the portal, to Ford’s offer for Dipper to stay.  The last one in particular had Stan resisting the urge to bring out his bat and see if Ford could dodge getting it in the teeth (he figured it was even odds; for someone who was supposed to be such an awesome butt-kicking space traveler now, Ford had still needed to be rescued twice ever since he came home, so he wasn’t as great as he thought he was).  He resisted in lieu of checking the kid over to make sure he wasn’t banged up too badly.  To his relief, it was mostly just a few scrapes and bruises, easily taken care of.

“...So we came up with a better idea,” Mabel said as Stan sat down, and took a gulp of his soda.  “We think that at the end of the summer, you should come back to Piedmont to live with us!”

She got a blast of Pitt cola in the face, but Stan was too busy gasping for air to appreciate the perfect comedic timing.

“Sorry,” he said after he got his breathing under control.

“It’s okay,” Mabel assured him as she rinsed her hair out in the sink, “my soda was empty anyway, I needed a fresh drink.”

“Gross, Mabel, that was in his mouth!” Dipper pointed out.  “It was probably all full of old man backwash!”

“Hey, watch it!” Stan scolded.

They all laughed, before he sighed and got back to the point.  “Kids...I don’t think your parents really want a grumpy old codger leaching off them.”

“Oh come on,” Mabel argued, coming back to the table.  “They’d understand! You can tell them that you’ve retired and want to spend more time with us!”

Stan shook his head.  “It ain’t that simple, sweetie.  Besides, I can handle myself-I’ve done it before.”

“But you shouldn’t have to, Grunkle Stan!”  Mabel put her hand on his arm.  “You’re our family, and we wanna help you out.”

“Yeah, maybe you could start a new mystery shack downtown!”  Dipper grabbed his notepad and pen, and flipped to some pages where it looked like he’d actually started turning this into a plan.  “Or a novelty shop-that way you wouldn’t be leaching at all, you’d be earning your keep! If you really wanted to, you could just stay with us until you earned enough money to get a place nearby or something!”

Stan...got a little glitter in his eyes again.

“I’ll haveta think about it,” he murmured.

The kids cheered.

********

In the gift shop, the secret door behind the vending machine slid shut.

[orangeoctopi7]

Is this a destiny?

*insert that one meme here*

@forduary is technically over, but they’re still taking submissions into March. Sorry it’s so late, I’ve been distracted by other fandoms and spiders apparently declared war on me. ***

When Stanford Pines was still young enough to believe his mother was really psychic, she’d often read his palm, or look into her crystal ball for him on days when he came home crying after the mockery of the local bullies got to be too much. She’d tell him that his extra fingers were a sign that he was special, that he was destined for greatness. And he believed her. Even as he got older and learned that his mother’s psychic powers were really just a combination of keen observations, good luck, and showmanship. 

He always hung onto the notion that his abnormality made him special, because the alternative was listening to all the people who said he was just a freak.

As he progressed in school and teachers started to recognize that Ford was a genius, his belief shifted. It was his academic intelligence, not his extra fingers, that made him special. He was destined to change the world with his knowledge, invent or discover things that would make people’s lives better. 

If he was recognized for his intelligence then maybe people would think of him as something other than just a freak.

***

For years, Stanford placed all his value on his academic intelligence. It was the only thing standing between him and freakdom, after all. It wasn’t until he got his first Doctorates and started research that his focus shifted again. Rather than working towards some nebulous concept of “Do something great in the field of science in order to gain recognition and rise above the image of a mere freak”, he was going to learn more about anomalies, and what caused them. He was going to make the world appreciate and respect freaks. 

The going was slow at first, and Ford found himself losing confidence until one fateful day when he went exploring in the caves above Gravity Falls. He almost didn’t read the incantation out loud when he translated the warning, but nothing ever got done in science if you didn’t experiment. And he was soon rewarded for his risk.

Bill gave Ford purpose like he'd never had before. Finally, he knew exactly what his destiny was: to bring humanity into a new era of enlightenment by connecting them with worlds beyond. Finally, people would understand anomalies instead of fearing or ridiculing them.

Stanford Pines was destined to change the world, and for the first time, he knew exactly how he was going to do it.

***

Change the world. It had seemed so clear at the beginning, but in hindsight, Ford saw through Bill's purposely vague words. All this time, he'd thought he would change the world for the better, but no! The destiny Bill had shown him was to destroy the world, not make it better. 

Had this always been his destiny? He thought back on all the people who had been repulsed by him in the past. Had they known? Had they somehow sensed he would bring about the end of the world? Were his fingers some sort of omen or early warning of his eventual fate?

He thought back on all the people who he'd driven away over the years. His brother, his parents, even his best friend. Was that for the best? Had he subconsciously pushed them away so they wouldn't become entangled in his mess?

No! No, he refused to believe this was his destiny! There was no such thing, and he was a fool for believing in it for so long! And if there was no such thing as destiny, then he could still fix this, no matter the cost!

But a small part of him didn't want to let go of that belief. Because if he had no destiny, then he really was just a freak. A freak and fool who'd fallen for a demon's tricks.

***

Out in the multiverse, Ford didn't have a destiny as much as part of him still wanted it. He had a mission: Stop Bill. Kill him, destroy him, whatever it took. 

The researcher refused to give up or die until that mission was completed. After that… well, if he was honest with himself, there probably wasn't going to be an "after that". Best not to think past that point.

This mindset got Ford through circumstances he'd never dreamed he'd be able to survive. But eventually, he found himself in a situation he couldn't power through with sheer determination. Caught in a two-dimensional plane, with no way to communicate with its hostile denizens, and no way out. He was trapped, and they were going to kill him before he'd even learned a single thing about Bill's possible origins.

When Ford blacked out, he was sure he was done-for, his mission incomplete. But he awoke in a strange dimension he’d never seen or even heard of before. A towering, seven-eyed humanoid had saved him and healed him. She called herself Jheselbraum the Unswerving, and she claimed to be an Oracle. Ford was skeptical at first. Look what had happened the last time he’d trusted a strange creature claiming to be his muse. Yet, she already knew his name, and his mission. She’d healed him. Most importantly, she was an enemy of Bill, and any enemy of Bill was an ally in Ford’s book. So, he trusted her to perform a dangerous cranial surgery to protect him from Bill’s control in the future.

Towards the end of his recovery, Jheselbraum told Ford he had the face of the man who was destined to destroy Bill. That small part of him that still wished for a destiny latched onto the information. His resolve in his mission had never wavered, but the latest near-death experience did make him wonder if it was a hopeless cause. Now, he knew he was destined to destroy Bill, and nothing was going to stop him!

***

Stanford had lost, and Bill had won. Now the only thing standing between the king of the Nightmare Realm and the rest of the universe was Gravity Falls’ Law of Weirdness Magnetism. And Ford was the only one standing between Bill and the formula to reverse it. 

Well, “standing” in a metaphorical sense. In reality, he was hanging in chains in Bill’s throne room, awaiting further torture. 

Was this the destiny Jheselbraum had told him about, forever locked in a battle of wills with Bill Cipher, so the universe outside this town could carry on? Or was she as fake a psychic as his mother? Ford wasn’t sure which option he liked better. 

If this was all destined to happen, then all that work he’d done to protect his family was for nothing. Sure, he was stopping Bill from spreading chaos throughout the universe, and he’d continue to keep the formula a secret for the rest of eternity if he had to, but his niece and nephew, his brother, his last friend, and the town he’d grown to love, they were what he’d really wanted to protect, and Bill had taken them all from him.

But if this wasn’t destiny, then everything that was happening was his own fault. He was the one who’d summoned Bill, who’d let the demon into his mind. He was the one who’d built the portal and failed to heed his friend’s warnings about the danger it posed. He was the one who hadn’t listened to his brother and just destroyed the blueprints and any directions on how to operate the thing. He was the one who’d failed to seal the rift, all because he’d entrusted its safety to his nephew, who was just a little boy and never should have been involved in something as horrible as this. He was the one who’d upset his niece by asking her brother to stay there in Gravity Falls, which led to her running off with the rift. He was the one who’d failed to tell her what the rift was or what danger it posed.

His choices. His mistakes. His failure to fix things.

Or no choices. No mistakes. No chance to fix things.

Ford was spared from having to think about it further when Bill and his Henchmaniacs returned from lunch.

***

Jheselbraum had said he had the face of the man who was destined to destroy Bill. Now that Ford stood with the memory gun in hand before his dreaming brother, her odd choice of phrasing suddenly made horrible sense. Part of him wished she’d just spelled it out for him earlier, but he knew if she had, he wouldn’t have believed her.

It wasn’t fair! His brother shouldn’t be the one to pay the price for Ford’s mistakes! Destiny or not, his brother shouldn’t even be involved in this mess! Not for the first time, Ford wished he’d never asked his brother to come to Gravity Falls, but for very different reasons than before. 

But they had no other choice. Not if they wanted to save the kids.

Stanford closed his eyes, unable to watch as he pulled the trigger.

***

A few days later, and the kids are busy packing up their things to return to Piedmont. Ford is back from the hospital, and his brother has recovered most of his memories. The old researcher’s mind wanders once again to his destiny. All these years, he’d avoided thinking about what would happen after his final encounter with Bill. He hadn’t expected to survive. But the final encounter with Bill had gone much differently than he’d thought, and Ford finds himself wondering: now what?

“What’s goin’ on in that big head of yours?” someone asks to his left. Ford turns to see his brother take a seat beside him.

“Just… thinking.” Ford answers slowly.

“Yeah, I guessed that part. It’s kinda what you do. I mean what about, genius.”

Maybe it’s the cool night air. Maybe it’s the relief that they all made it through this ordeal in one piece. Maybe it’s the comfort of knowing that he can talk to his brother again. Whatever the case, Stanford finds himself unloading all his thoughts about destiny, about his failures, and how he always seems to push away the people he cares about, or endanger them, or both.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don’t blame you for wantin’ to have a destiny. Everybody wants to feel like they’re special, right?”

“Yes, but… but Stanley, if I never had a destiny, if I’m not… not special, then I really am just a freak.” Ford laments. “A freak and a danger to everyone around me.”

“Ford, look at me.” Stan demands. He turns to look at his brother. “You know those aren’t your only two options, right? Bein’ destined for greatness, or bein’ a freak. That’s stupid! Sure, you got more fingers an’ brains than most people’d know what to do with, and sure, a lot of jerks’ll call you a freak for it, but that doesn’t make it true! You're a man tryin' to live his life, same as anyone!

"As for bein' a danger to everyone else, you don't think I feel the same way? You don't think I cursed the day I agreed to watch the kids for the summer the very first moment they got into trouble with all this town's weird nonsense!? You don't think I worry that one of these days somebody from my drifter days is gonna figure out I'm still alive out here, and they'll come and make trouble for the whole town?

"So maybe you pushed away the people who cared about you before. It ain't too late to change that. You got the kids, especially Dipper, he seems to think you're some sorta hero or something. Your old pal McGucket seems to wanna make amends. And I-" Stan pauses, like he's choosing his next words carefully. "I'm just happy to have you back."

Ford doesn't have words to reply. He manages a weak smile, nods, and takes his brother's hand. Stan's words help a bit, but it's hard to shake these feelings, like he'll always be alone. Like he'll always end up hurting the people he cares about. But the longer he sits there in the company of his brother, the more those feelings fade away.

At least now, sitting here with his brother and looking out at the night sky, he has an idea of what he wants to do with his life next.

[thelastspeecher]

A Case of Mistaken Identity - Chapter 3: Reveal the Truth

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   AO3

That’s right, I’m updating TWO of my multichaps within the span of one week.  One of the benefits of finishing my thesis and not having a new job yet is that I have a lot of time to do fun writing again.  I’m actually hoping that I’ll be able to finish this multichap relatively soon.  That would be cool.

Anyways, in this chapter, Fiddleford finds out what’s going on with Dipper and Mabel, the Power of Mabel saves the day (or at least the weather), and Ford doesn’t like biscuit gravy.  Enjoy.

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              “…What do you mean?” Dipper finally asked.  The kitchen was dead silent, save for an occasional plink from intermittent rain hitting the roof.  Fiddleford sighed.

              “You know exactly what I mean, kidlet.  Tell me who the two of ya are and what yer really doin’ here, or-”

              “Or what?” Mabel jumped in.  “You can’t do anything to us!”  Fiddleford raised an eyebrow at her.

              “That’s mighty bold of ya to assume.  I don’t own this house, sure, but that don’t mean I’m completely powerless. I could always tell Stanford that yer bein’ duplicitous and not tellin’ the full truth.  Though I’d prefer not to, since he has some trust issues.” Fiddleford pursed his lips.  “Some day I’ll find out why.”  Dipper and Mabel looked at each other helplessly.  “Look, either start talkin’-”

              “We’re from the future,” Mabel blurted out.  Fiddleford’s eyes shot wide open.  He leaned back in his chair.

              “Pardon?”

              “We’re from the future.  2012,” Dipper said, adding the year as an afterthought.  Fiddleford stroked his chin, visibly jostled but trying to hide it.

              “Yer from thirty years in the future,” Fiddleford said slowly.  Dipper and Mabel nodded.  “Well, do ya have any proof of that?  I mean, this is Gravity Falls and all, so I won’t discount ya right away.  But I’d still like some evidence.”

              “Um…”  Dipper looked over at Mabel, who seemed deep in thought.  “What kind of proof?”

              “Tomorrow’s lotto numbers would be nice,” Fiddleford said, “but I’ll accept just about anything.  Some sorta futuristic technology, maybe?”

              “I don’t…”  Dipper grimaced.  “Our mom and dad say we’re still too young for cellphones.”

              “What in blazes is a cellphone?” Fiddleford asked.

              “It’s-” Dipper started.  Mabel’s eyes widened.

              “Dipper, show him the journal!”

              “Oh!”  Dipper quickly retrieved his copy of Journal 3 from inside his jacket and handed it over to Fiddleford.  “Do you recognize this, Mr. McGucket?”

              “…Yes, I do,” Fiddleford said slowly, turning the pages.  “I’ve seen Stanford scribblin’ in it plenty of times. In fact, he was scribblin’ in it not just five minutes ago.”  He pursed his lips.  “I prob’ly shouldn’t read this too much.  It wouldn’t be wise of me to spoil m’self fer the future, now would it?”  He closed the journal and slid it back to Dipper, who tucked it away in his jacket again.  “Even if I didn’t know Stanford was currently usin’ his journal, it’s pretty obvious that one comes from some point in the future.  That kind of wear and tear only happens over years.  Or if a raccoon gets into a library.”

              “Has that happened before?” Mabel asked, awed.  Fiddleford managed a small smile.

              “Where I grew up, it happened on a reg’lar basis.”  He took a deep breath. “All right.  The two of ya are from the future.  Why are ya here, in this time?”  Dipper and Mabel looked down at the table.  “Are ya on some sort of mission?” Fiddleford prompted.

              “No, not- not really,” Dipper said.  “We, uh, we came here by accident.”

              “How exactly do two twelve-year-olds travel back in time by accident?” Fiddleford asked.

              “We stole a time travel doohickey from a guy even more in the future and it broke,” Mabel said.  Fiddleford raised an eyebrow.

              “A ‘time travel doohickey’, ya say?  Mind if I take a gander?”

              “Um, okay, but don’t-” Dipper started.  Fiddleford waved a hand airily.

              “Don’t worry, boyo.  I won’t do anything unsavory.  If you let me look at it, I might be able to fix it, that’s all.  I’ve been gettin’ a lot of practice with strange technology lately.”  Dipper swallowed, took the broken time travel device out of his pocket, and handed it to Fiddleford.  Fiddleford turned it over in his hands, letting out a low whistle.  “Shucks, I can tell just from the outside that there’s somethin’ mighty strange about this.”

              “If you can fix it, that would be great,” Dipper said.  “We should probably get home as soon as possible to keep the timeline from…”

              “Getting all screwy,” Mabel suggested.

              “Yeah, that.”

              “Hmm.”  Fiddleford held the time travel measuring tape up to his eyes.  “I’ll see what I can do.  In the meantime, yer not Stanley’s children, are ya?”  Dipper and Mabel shook their heads.  “Now why don’t ya tell me how yer related to Stanford, if in fact ya are?”

              “I think we’re his great-niece and great-nephew,” Mabel said slowly. “But I’m not completely sure.” Fiddleford set down the time travel device and frowned at them.

              “Care to elaborate, hon?”

              “It’s just- Ford, he- he’s not the Stanford Pines we know in the future.”

              “Maybe he just aged poorly,” Fiddleford suggested.  Dipper shook his head.

              “The Stanford Pines we know has ten fingers,” he said solemnly.  “And he goes by Stan, not Ford.”  Fiddleford nodded slowly.  “We think that the person we know as Stanford Pines is actually Ford’s brother, Stanley.  But we don’t know why Stan would try to pretend to be his brother.”

              “That’s a very good point,” Fiddleford said softly.  He rubbed his forehead.  “And I’d like to help ya out the best I can, but I should prob’ly avoid hearin’ ‘bout the future as much as possible.  Not to mention, I found out about Stanford havin’ a twin just yesterday m’self.  I wouldn’t know any of their history.”  A twinkle appeared in his eye.  “Though Stanford does.”

              “What?” Dipper asked.

              “Well…”  Fiddleford leaned back in his chair again, but casually this time, not out of surprise. “The best person to help ya figure out why this Stanford don’t match yer Stanford is...Stanford.  Between the two of ya, I bet you could pry some information outta him, even without spillin’ who ya really are.”  Fiddleford’s gaze hardened.  “Which by no means should ya do.  I ain’t related to ya, any information about the future won’t impact me as much as it does Stanford.  Or, when he gets here, Stanley.  Be careful what you tell ‘em.”

              “We will,” Dipper said.  “But, I mean, do we really need to know about the details of this weird mix-up thing?” Mabel gasped theatrically.

              “What?  You don’t want to solve a mystery?  Dipper, are you ill?”  Mabel placed the back of her hand against Dipper’s forehead.  “I think you might have the consumption!”  Fiddleford chuckled loudly.  “For realsies, bro-bro, why’d you change your mind?  This morning, you were all for figuring out what was going on.”

              “If Mr. McGucket could figure out that we’re lying, so could Ford.  Heck, Stan will probably know we’re not his kids the second he looks at us!  I wanna know what’s going on, but the longer we stay here and the more we talk to Ford, the more likely it is that we disrupt the time stream.”

              “I think this can be a case of hittin’ two birds with one stone,” Fiddleford said calmly.  “I can get to work on this time travel device of yours and the two of ya can go with Stanford when he hunts anomalies.  Who knows? Maybe you’ll stumble across time travel crystals or somethin’.”

              “I thought you didn’t want us to go in the woods,” Mabel said.

              “I don’t.  But Stanford does.  And I mean it, yer best bet at findin’ a way home is to shadow him.  You won’t be able to help me with this here tape measure. I’ll have to do it on my own.”

              “But-” Dipper started.  Fiddleford shook his head.

              “No buts.”  Fiddleford looked out the window at the rain, now coming down in sheets.  “Once the weather’s cleared up, find Stanford, make yer best puppy dog eyes, and beg to come with him in the forest.  He don’t have experience with children like me; he won’t be able to say no.”

----- 

              Fiddleford was right.  It only took Mabel widening her eyes a fraction for Ford to immediately cave and agree to take Dipper and Mabel in the forest with him.

              “We agree that this stays between us,” Ford said firmly, waiting for Dipper and Mabel to put on the boots that had been purchased for them earlier that day. “F will not be happy if he discovers I took you into the woods.”

              “No problem, Uncle Ford!” Mabel chirped, saluting him.  Ford beamed.

              “I also need the two of you to stick close to me.  If you get injured in any way, Fiddleford will know it was from going into the woods, and he’ll scold me fiercely.”

              “You’re pretty close to him, aren’t you?” Dipper asked, putting on his new coat. Ford froze.  He busily adjusted his glasses.

              “We’re good friends, research partners.  Nothing more. If you were trying to imply-”

              “No, I wasn’t!” Dipper said quickly.  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “I just think it’s kinda weird that you guys are so close, but you didn’t tell Mr. McGucket you had a twin brother.”

              “Yes, well…”  Ford trailed off.  He shook his head.  “Never mind. I should debrief you on the purpose of this particular hike.”  Ford began to pace in front of them.  “You may have noticed that, despite it being the middle of winter, it was raining earlier. Now, the sun is shining and the temperature has risen by twenty degrees.”

              “Global warming,” Mabel said, nodding.  Ford paused his pacing to frown at her.

              “Global what?”

              “Um, Uncle Ford, if it’s so warm, should I not wear my coat?” Dipper interjected.

              “Oh, no, please do still wear it.  Children struggle more than adults to properly regulate their body temperature. Not to mention, the cold weather will return once we’ve successfully pacified the weather gods.”

              “The…weather gods?” Dipper asked slowly.  Ford nodded.

              “Yes.  Though ‘god’ may be a misnomer.  Hidden deep within the woods of Gravity Falls are magical beings that control aspects of this region’s weather.”  Ford began to pace again.  “I stumbled across them shortly after I first began my research here.  They seem to embody the aspects of weather that they regulate.  For example, the one in charge of rain tends to be rather gloomy.”

              “Makes sense,” Mabel said.

              “Thank you, Mabel.  Today’s weather is indicative that something has happened to upset these beings.” Ford stopped pacing and sighed.  “I sincerely hope it is not related to boy trouble again.”

              “Boy trouble?” Mabel asked, her eyes wide.

              “…Yes.  Last time the weather became this chaotic, it was because the sun god and the snow god were fighting over the same boy.”  Ford shook his head.  “It makes me wonder, sometimes, if the Greeks were correct about the maturity of magical beings in charge of forces of nature.”

              “So, are they like, friends?” Mabel asked.  Ford grimaced.

              “Worse, my dear.  They’re sisters.”

----- 

              There was a loud crack of thunder.  Dipper looked up nervously.  The sky was still bright blue and completely devoid of clouds.  Despite this, a bolt of lightning shot out of the clear sky and struck a tree some distance away.

              “Um, Uncle Ford?” Dipper asked cautiously.  Ford merely frowned.

              “Yes, I saw that.  It’s much worse than I thought it would be, if they’ve dragged the lightning god into this.”

              “A lightning god…like Zeus?  From Hercules?” Mabel asked.

              “Close, my dear.  His name is Heracles in the Greek tradition.  The Romans renamed him Hercules, so if you were to refer to him in that manner, you would need to say Jupiter, rather than Zeus.”

              “No, not-” Mabel started.  Dipper put a hand over her mouth, then quickly removed it before she could lick it.

              “Mabel, that movie might not have come out yet,” he hissed at her.  Mabel crossed her arms.

              “It’s a really old movie, it might have!” Mabel hissed back.

              “Just to be safe, we should probably avoid talking about pop culture.”

              “Ugh,” Mabel groaned loudly.  Ford looked back at the two of them.

              “Are you all right?” he asked.  Mabel promptly plastered on a smile.

              “Just peachy!” she chirped.  Ford smiled.

              “Good.  We’ve arrived.”  The three of them came to a stop in front of a large pine tree.  “Now, I want the two of you to be on your best behavior, okay? These beings are incredibly capricious.” At Dipper and Mabel’s confused expressions, he elaborated.  “Prone to switching between moods rapidly without warning.”

              “Oh, pish posh, we can handle that!” Mabel said, waving her hand.  Ford nodded.

              “Excellent.”  He knocked three times on the trunk of the pine.  After a moment, the glowing outline of a door appeared on the bark. The door opened, revealing what appeared to be a teenage girl with dyed gray hair that was black at the roots. She looked at Ford doubtfully.  “Hello, madam.”

              “Why are you here?” the girl whined.

              “I wondered if there might be a fight ongoing with your sisters.  If you’ll recall, last time I was able to resolve the situation.”  The girl let out a long sigh.

              “Fine.”  She turned around and walked back into the room that Dipper and Mabel could now clearly see was housed within the tree trunk.  Ford stepped inside, then beckoned for Dipper and Mabel to follow his lead.  Once all three had entered, the door behind them shut.

              Dipper and Mabel looked around the room.  It looked similar to the setup for an apartment on a sitcom.  There was a large living room that led directly into a fully stocked kitchen.  The lighting was impeccable, though there were no visible lamps.  Instead, the walls themselves appeared to be glowing. The gloomy teenager that had greeted them drifted over to the kitchen, where two other teenage girls were at each other’s throats and a third one watching silently.  Water dripped from her hair and pooled on the floor.

              “Sisters, that owl guy is back,” she informed them dully.  Mabel looked up at Ford.

              “‘Owl guy’?” she whispered.  Ford scowled.

              “The second time I met them, one decided that I bore a resemblance to an owl. Ever since, they have refused to call me by my proper name,” he replied quietly.  Mabel nodded slowly.

              “I can see it,” she said.  Ford rubbed his face.

              “Good,” snapped one of the teenagers that was fighting in the kitchen. She had short flaming red hair, that, like the walls, was emitting a soft glow.  “He can tell you how terrible you’re being!”

              “I’m not being terrible!” snapped the other teen.  Her hair was bright white and curly.  What looked like snow drifted from her hair onto her shoulders.  “You are!”

              “Ladies, what seems to be the problem?” Ford asked, stepping forward. The teenagers looked over at him.

              “She broke my lucky necklace!” shouted the redhead.

              “Well, she keeps saying she’s going to move in with her boyfriend!” snapped the white-haired girl.  Ford closed his eyes.

              “Fantastic.  Boy trouble again,” he muttered.  Mabel patted his arm.

              “Don’t worry, I’ll handle this,” she said confidently.  She walked over to the kitchen.  The teenagers stared at her.  “Hello, lovely ladies, my name is Mabel Pines.”

              “Are you related to the owl guy?” asked the redhead.  Mabel nodded.

              “I sure am!  I came with him today because I’m much more qualified than he is to handle arguments of this nature.  I mean, can a boy really solve a problem that girls have?” she asked with a wink.  The white-haired girl giggled.

              “That’s a good point.  He was pretty lost last time.”

              “I’m not unqualified,” Ford muttered.

              “Uncle Ford, Mabel’s really good with people,” Dipper whispered.  “Just give her a chance.”  A strange emotion flashed across Ford’s face.

              “Very well.  But don’t-”

              “-tell Mr. McGucket,” Dipper finished for him.  “Yeah, I don’t think he’d be happy if he heard about Mabel trying to be a counselor for weather gods.”  Ford nodded silently.  He and Dipper turned their attention back to Mabel, who was leading the teens to the large couch in the living room.

              “We’ll be able to talk much better like this,” Mabel said calmly, settling herself onto a chair directly across from the large couch.  “Now, first things first.  What are your names?”

              “Oh, humans can’t pronounce them,” said the redhead.  “We’re nature, personified.  You’d need to be a nymph at least to even hear them.”

              “All right.  No problem.” Mabel pointed to the redhead.  “Lemme guess.  You’re in charge of the sun?”  The redhead nodded.  “Then you’ll be Sunny.”  She pointed at the white-haired girl.  “Snowy.” She pointed at the gloomy girl that had answered the door.  “Rainy.” She pointed at the last teenager, who had been watching Sunny and Snowy bicker in the kitchen.  “Hmm…”  The girl had a bright yellow, spiky pixie cut.  Minute bolts of lightning shot from the ends of her hair.  “Sparky!”

              “I like it!” Sparky enthused.  Mabel grinned.

              “So.  What happened?” she asked.  Sunny crossed her arms.

              “Snowy destroyed my lucky necklace.  My prized possession.”

              “Maybe it was an accident,” Mabel suggested.  Sunny scoffed.

              “There’s no way it was!  She knows that I was wearing it when I met Josh!”  Mabel frowned.  “My boyfriend.  Josh.” Sunny sighed dreamily.  “He’s the most handsome satyr in all of Gravity Falls.”

              “The boyfriend that Snowy said you’re gonna move in with?” Mabel asked. Sunny nodded.  She glared at Snowy, her mood switching immediately from lovesick to vicious.

              “Snowy doesn’t want me to be happy!  She wants me to stay here, in this tree, for forever!”  Ford shifted slightly beside Dipper.  Dipper looked up at him, but Ford’s expression was unreadable. “She lashed out at me and decided to destroy the thing that, honestly, is the reason I’m moving out.  It’s my lucky necklace.  If I hadn’t been wearing it when I met Josh, I wouldn’t have had the guts to talk to him, and we never would have dated.”

              “Lucky necklaces are important,” Mabel said solemnly.  The weather gods nodded in agreement.  “Okay, that’s your side of the story.  Snowy, care to share yours?”

              “It was an accident,” Snowy said.  “I bumped the jewelry stand by accident and it fell and broke.”

              “If it was such an accident, why didn’t you tell me right away?” Sunny asked snidely.

              “Because I am angry that you’re moving out!” Snowy shouted.  A flurry of snowflakes burst from her hair and settled onto the couch, melting as they landed near Sunny.  “I didn’t really care you would be upset.  I mean, you’re abandoning us!”

              “Abandoning you?  I’m moving into the next glen over!” Sunny shouted back.

              “You’re still leaving!  I mean, with you gone, we-”  Snowy’s voice broke.  “-we won’t be the weather gods anymore.  We’ll just be two forms of precipitation and- and an electrician.”  Sunny’s eyes widened.

              “Wait, you- you don’t really think that, do you?  You don’t really think I’m- I’m abandoning you?” she asked quietly.  Snowy looked away.  “Snowy…I might not live with you guys, but we won’t stop being weather gods with each other.” Sunny took a hold of Snowy’s hand. “We’re still sisters.  Even if we don’t live in the same place anymore.” Snowy let out a loud sniff.

              “You- you mean it?” she asked.

              “Duh!”  Sunny frowned.  “And you’re telling the truth?  My necklace got broken on accident?  You didn’t do it on purpose?”

              “Of course not!  I might not be happy you’re leaving, but I wouldn’t try to sabotage you,” Snowy scoffed.  “I’m too busy to do that right now, anyways.  It’s winter, after all.”

              “Yeah, that’s a good point,” Sunny mused.  She and Snowy smiled at each other.

              “So…problem solved?” Mabel prompted.  The sisters looked at her.

              “Yes, definitely, absolutely.  Thank you so much for your help.  You did that much faster than owl guy would have,” Sunny said.  Ford let out a wordless grumble.  Mabel clapped her hands.

              “Great!  See, sometimes, just talking it out can take care of your issues!  Next time there’s a problem, try that first, before you make it snow in July or something like that.  Actually…”  Mabel tapped her chin.  “If you guys do make it snow in July, give me a heads up.  I’ve always wanted to build a snowman in summer.”

              “Anything for the sweet little human that helped us work through our issues,” Sunny said, ruffling Mabel’s hair.  Mabel laughed.  She turned to Sparky and Rainy.

              “One last thing.  You guys did stuff to the weather, too.”

              “Oh, we don’t have any quarrel,” Sparky said, waving a hand.  “We just saw an opening to control the weather and took it.”

              “Ah.  Okay. I get it.”  Mabel hopped up from her chair.  “Well, it was delightful meeting you, and I hope things work out with Josh, Sunny.”  Mabel walked back over to Ford and Dipper.  “Goodbye!”

              “Yes, goodbye,” Ford mumbled with a nod.  The weather gods waved goodbye at them.  The door to the outside opened on its own.

              “Oh, owl guy?” Sparky called.  Ford sighed.

              “Yes?”

              “Next time you wanna poke your big ole honker into our business, bring her with.  She’s way better at this than you are.”

              “I’ll keep that in mind,” Ford muttered.  He quickly ushered Dipper and Mabel out into the woods.  The temperature had dropped.  A light snow was beginning to fall.

              “That was fun,” Mabel said cheerfully.

              “Hmph,” Ford grunted.  Mabel looked up at him, worried.

              “Uncle Ford, if I upset you by taking over, I’m sorry-”

              “No, no need to apologize, my dear.  Sparky was right.  You were much better at that task than I have been in the past.  I’m just…”  Ford paused. “Their fighting brought back some memories.”

              “Does it have to do with you and Stan?” Dipper jumped in eagerly.  Ford nodded slowly.  “What- what happened between you guys?  I can’t think of anything Mabel could ever do that would make me half as mad as you are at Stan.”

              “It’s…it’s a long story,” Ford said softly.

              “Well, luckily, it’s a long walk back,” Mabel said.  She fixed her best puppy dog eyes on Ford.  “Could you tell us while we walk?  Please?”  At Mabel’s begging, a small smile quirked the corner of Ford’s mouth.

              “All right.  I’ll tell you.  Since it concerns your father, it’s probably something you should know anyways.”

----- 

              The day after Mabel had gotten the weather gods to talk out their problems instead of causing havoc in the local climate, Dipper, Mabel, Ford, and Fiddleford gathered in the shack’s kitchen for breakfast.  Fiddleford had whipped up a breakfast scramble and was doling it into bowls set in front of Dipper and Mabel.

              “And there’s plenty of proper southern-style biscuit gravy to top it with,” he said proudly.  “I didn’t put it on directly ‘cause someone doesn’t like it.”  Fiddleford frowned at Ford.  Ford shrugged.  Mabel grinned.

              “Well, I like it.  Where is it, Mr. McGucket?” she asked.  Fiddleford nodded at a saucepan on the stove.

              “Right there, lil lady.  Why don’t you and yer brother help yourselves to some?”

              “Yes!”  Mabel rushed over to the counter with her bowl.  Dipper followed at a more sedate pace.  Fiddleford scooped some of the scramble into the dish in front of Ford.

              “Thank you fer sharin’ yer history with Stan last night,” he whispered to Ford.  After Dipper and Mabel had gone to bed, Ford finally caved and told Fiddleford the same story he’d told Dipper and Mabel as they walked back from the weather gods’ tree. Ford flushed slightly.

              “Yes, well, it wasn’t right to keep you in the dark any longer. Particularly given that Dipper and Mabel pried it out of me.”

              “Still.  I appreciate it.”  Fiddleford rested his hand on Ford’s shoulder.  Ford smiled at him.  There was a loud knock on the front door.  All heads turned.  “You expectin’ anyone, Stanford?” Fiddleford asked.

              “I don’t think so.  Unless…” A shadow crossed Ford’s face. Fiddleford frowned.

              “You think it might be yer brother?  But ya didn’t send fer him that long ago.”

              “When I spoke with him, he said he was in the area,” Ford muttered, getting up from the table.  Dipper and Mabel looked at each other, Dipper having paused in the middle of scooping gravy into his bowl.  “I’ll handle it.  Please, the three of you, enjoy your breakfast.”  Ford exited the kitchen.  Fiddleford looked at Dipper and Mabel.

              “You heard ‘im.  Finish gettin’ yer gravy and then sit back down to eat.”

              “But Mr. McGucket, Stan’s gonna know something’s up when he sees us!” Mabel whispered.  “We’re not his kids!”

              “I know, I know,” Fiddleford said in a low voice.  “But there’s nothin’ we can do ‘bout that right now.  Get somethin’ in yer bellies and we’ll play the sit’ation by ear.”  Before Dipper and Mabel could get back to their seats, however, they heard a voice they recognized immediately.

              “Somethin’ smells pretty good.  Did you finally learn how to cook, Poindexter?”  Dipper put the ladle back into the saucepan and hurried back to his chair, as did Mabel.

              “No, I didn’t cook.  My partner did.”

              “Your partner, eh?”

              “Research partner.”  Ford appeared in the kitchen entryway, visibly disgruntled.  “Children, Fiddleford, meet my twin brother, Stanley Pines.” Ford stepped to the side, allowing for Stan to enter.  Stan stepped into the room.  His gaze landed on Dipper and Mabel.  His brow furrowed.  He looked back at Ford, jerking his thumb in Dipper and Mabel’s direction.

              “Who’re these two?”

[xbreezymeadowsx]

200 Questions

No one asked me to do it but I made @sharpiewashere do it so it’s only fair I suffer through, too.

200: My crush’s name is: Zach because husband but also... Tommy motherfuckin’ Flanagan

199: I was born in: New Hampshire

198: I am really: horny and annoyed

197: My cellphone company is: Verizon

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: like 10.5W I think.

194: My ring size is: I think it’s a 9.

193: My height is: 5’ 3”

192: I am allergic to: cats and crop dust

191: My 1st car was: old ass shitty Jeep Grand Cherokee

190: My 1st job was: at a stand in a city mall where we had an inflatable slide and two bounces houses and served sno cones, smoothies, and novelty ice creams

189: Last book you read: Fangs by Sarah Andersen

188: My bed is: fuckin’ broken and uncomfortable and clearly not big enough for myself and my bedhog husband.

187: My pet: 1 old black cat.

186: My best friend: Yuki (that bitch is my best best best friend and I miss her to pieces)

185: My favorite shampoo is: Garnier Whole Blends: Honey Treasures

184: Xbox or ps3: Fuck both. Switch.

183: Piggy banks are: cute

182: In my pockets: nada at the moment

181: On my calendar: is scribbles from my kid

180: Marriage is: Don’t marry a redneck!

179: Spongebob can: stop. Give me the early Bob but that’s it.

178: My mom: loves Unicorns

177: The last three songs I bought were? Wap metal version, Room with a Zoo, Shoop

176: Last YouTube video watched: GabSmolders playing Control

175: How many cousins do you have? technically only 2 by blood and actual familial connections. 6 if you count some others. 9 if you count step-cousins.

174: Do you have any siblings? 1 big Seester!

173: Are your parents divorced? Yeah

172: Are you taller than your mom? Maybe? IDK, we’re both shorties

171: Do you play an instrument? sadly, no.

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept and worked

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: yes

168: Luck: yes

167: Fate: yes

166: Yourself: HA, you’re funny.

165: Aliens: no

164: Heaven: these are...

163: Hell: ... kinda loaded...

162: God: ... questions

161: Horoscopes: maybe

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: yes

158: Gay Marriage: yes

157: War: yes

156: Orbs: yes

155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: unfortunately neither.

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: black

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunette

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s outta these choices but I’d take Steak’N’Shake over either.

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk and Dark.

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Zach can be sweet (he certainly isn’t ugly to look at) and we’re definitely on the poor side.

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi (anybody remember Pepsi Twist? That was the best!)

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: Buried I guess. Though, if I’m cremated, my ashes need to be spread in one place and no separating them.

134: Singing or Dancing: singing

133: Coach or Chanel: I am a redneck, these things don’t mean anything to me.

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who?

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Either? I shop Wal-Mart all the time out of convenience but I do like Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I am overall not a fan of either barring a select couple movies (like Heavyweights and Little Nicky)

128: Manicure or Pedicure: no thanks.

127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

124: Disney or Six Flags: Can I go to a Zoo instead?

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I’ll say Sox because New England but I don’t particularly care for baseball.

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: there’s a time and place

121: George Bush: he’s an idiot?

120: Gay Marriage: yay!

119: The presidential election: tearing families apart because people are stupid and vote for Trump

118: Abortion: this is a bit of a grey area for me. While I firmly believe in “my body, my choice”, I do not accept that argument if you are constantly getting them as if it is a form of birth control. Use proper contraceptives you slut.

117: MySpace: does that even exist anymore?

116: Reality TV: certain ones can assume me.

115: Parents: love them even when you don’t like them.

114: Back stabbers: pussies.

113: Ebay: never used it

112: Facebook: is reserved for pictures of kids, pets, funny videos and memes, and gifs.

111: Work: shitty... literally

110: My Neighbors: I’m just glad they aren’t the cousin-fuckers or the Methicans anymore.

109: Gas Prices: it takes like 20 bucks to fill my tiny car gas tank so whatever.

108: Designer Clothes: never fit me

107: College: didn’t go.

106: Sports: HA. My fat ass play sports? Maybe Badminton or Tetherball but that’s it.

105: My family: lives too far away.

104: The future: needs to be better than now.

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: like 20 mins ago when my kid was trying to suck up to me to get a sip of my frappe.

102: Last time you ate: two hours ago.

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Zane’s first day of school this year. Miss Angie came over to see him off in the morning.

100: Cried in front of someone: probably a few weeks ago.

99: Went to a movie theater: Twilight Breaking Dawn pt 2.

98: Took a vacation: three years ago.

97: Swam in a pool: probably close to 8 or more years ago.

96: Changed a diaper: 4-5 yrs ago.

95: Got my nails done: professionally? never. By Zane? last weekend.

94: Went to a wedding: three years ago.

93: Broke a bone: never. dislocated shit though.

92: Got a piercing: over a decade

91: Broke the law: probably frequently without realizing it.

90: Texted: couple mins ago.

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: oh I’m a funny bitch

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing? fuck this house. fuck this town. fuck this state. I wanna go HOME home.

87: The last movie I saw: Smokin’ Aces 2

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: my nephew’s birth and the vacation we plan to take to see him!

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: the travel for the vacation stated above.

84: People call me: a lot of things. most of them true.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: wake up

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus

80: The first person i talked to today was: my husband

79: First time you had a crush: I had a massive crush on Shawn Micheals as a kid.

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my Seester

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: probably someone in the Flanaclan Chapel

76: Right now I am talking to: the Flanaclan on and off

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m supposed to grow up?

74: I have/will get a job: yes

73: Tomorrow: is Halloween

72: Today: I’m horny and annoyed

71: Next Summer: is a long time away

70: Next Weekend: work

69: I have these pets: already answered

68: The worst sound in the world: right now I’d have to say it’s Zane clucking his tongue.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself? or more specifically my anxiety brain.

66: People that make you happy: my Flanaclan friends, my bff, my sister.

65: Last time I cried: a few weeks ago

64: My friends are: on the internet and/or mostly too far away

63: My computer is: a hunk of shit laptop

62: My School: never going ever again.

61: My Car: looks like the car emoji.

60: I lose all respect for people who: beat animals

59: The movie I cried at was: recently? Up

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: SOA, SVU, SWAT, wrestling, Wynonna Earp, Van Helsing, Supernatural

56: Favorite web site: tumblr and youtube

55: Your dream vacation: Scotland, Ireland, Wales, England, all that.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: dislocating my knee

53: How do you like your steak cooked: med rare

52: My room is: some boring off-white

51: My favorite celebrity is: Tommy Flanagan

50: Where would you like to be: New Hampshire

49: Do you want children: I have 1 and that’s 1 too many.

48: Ever been in love: yup

47: Who’s your best friend: didn’t I already answer this?

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls nowadays. guys around here suck.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: reading Chibs fics, staring at Flanagan

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Flanagan

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I did not.

40: Last person I got mad at: me

39: I would like to move to: for the millionth time, New Hampshire

38: I wish I was a professional: dog sitter/walker

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour Patch Watermelons

36: Vehicle: 90′s Ford Ranger, Jeep Renegade, Jeep Wrangler, Jeep Gladiator, Ford Shelby GT350R 

35: President: certainly not the fuckin’ current one.

34: State visited: Massachusetts

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon

32: Athlete: Aleister Black, Drew McIntyre, Luchasaurus, Sonny Kiss (and fuck you if you try to tell me they aren’t athletes)

31: Actor: Tommy Flanagan

30: Actress: Millie Bobby Brown

29: Singer: Ville Valo

28: Band: HIM

27: Clothing store: don’t care.

26: Grocery store: don’t care.

25: TV show: Law & Order: SVU (as much as I’d love to say SOA, Law & Order was my first real love)

24: Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You

23: Website: tumblr, youtube

22: Animal: dogs, wolves

21: Theme park: Zoos

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: professional wrestling, football, hockey

18: Sport to play: nothing that requires that much energy

17: Magazine: don’t read them much

16: Book: the House Of Night series and sequel series by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast (I don’t care that I’m probably too old for them now, I love them)

15: Day of the week: Saturday

14: Beach: Hampton Beach, NH

13: Concert attended: 69 Eyes headlined (opening with Night Kills The Day, then Fair To Midland which were fine but also Wednesday 13!!!!!)

12: Thing to cook: fajitas

11: Food: apple fritters/apple cider donuts

10: Restaurant: Panda Express I suppose.

9: Radio station: WGFA

8: Yankee candle scent: Midsummers Night

7: Perfume: don’t wear perfume so much as body spray and it’s usually something like cucumber melon or some baked goods scent.

6: Flower: Tiger Lillies

5: Color: Green- specifically Forest/Hunter

4: Talk show host: idk I used to watch Maury all the time, does that count?

3: Comedian: George Carlin

2: Dog breed: Pittie mixes, mutts, labs, medium to big short haired breeds

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes I did.

[bookofjin]

Biography of Liu Hu of the Tiefu

[And his descendants. From WS095]

The Tiefu Liu Hu was a descendant of the Southern Shanyu, the grandson of the Worthy King of the Left, Qubei, and the nephew of the Leader of the Northern Section, Liu Meng. They lived north of Lüsi in Xinxing. Northern people speak of someone with a Hu father and a Xianbei mother as “Tiefu”. Because of that he used it as the title. Meng died, his son Fulun came running. Hu's father Gaoshengyuan led the section groups in replacement.  Gaoshengyuan was also named Xundou. Gaoshengyuan died. Hu replaced him.

Hu was also named Wulugu. At first he was a subject and adherent to the state, but since his multitudes and family groups were rather many, he instigated troops in an outer rebellion. Pingwen and the Inspector of Bing province, Liu Kun together chastised him, and Ku fled to occupy Shuofang. He resorted to adhering to Liu Cong. Cong, since Hu was of his lineage house, designated him General who Calms the North, Overseer of All Army Affairs of the Xianbei, and Commander of the Palace Gentlemen of the Dingling. He then crossed the He to invade the Western section. Pingwen, confronted, struck, and greatly routed him.

At the beginning of Zhaocheng, Hu again robbed the Western section. The Emperor dispatched the army, to confront and chastise, and again greatly routed him. Hu withdrew and fled, and set out for the frontier. Hu died, his son Wuhuan led the section groups in replacement. He dispatched envoys to revert to obedience.

Wuhuan, also named Baozi, summoned and assembled the family groups of his kind, and had the valiant of the various sections. He secretly communicated with Shi Hu, and Hu designated him as General who Pacifies the North and Worthy King of the Left.

Wuhuan died, his younger brother Eloutou was installed in replacement. He covertly planned to turn to rebellion, it is spoken of in the Preliminary Annals. Later Wuhuan's son Xiwuqi chased out Eloutou and installed himself. Xiwuqi died, his son Wuchen was installed in replacement.

Wuchen was Wuhuan's third son. After he had been installed, he dispatched his son to present at court. Zhaocheng used a daughter as wife for Wuchen. Wuchen secretly communicated with Fu Jian. Jiian used him as Worthy King of the Left. He dispatched envoys to request from Jian, seeking farm land within his territory. In spring he would come, and in autumn depart. Jian allowed it.

Later he carried off from Jian's border population more than 50 people as slaves and servants to offer to Jian. Jian chided [him] and returned them [home]. He therefore betrayed Jian, focused his heart on reverting to the state, and raised up troops to attack Jian. Jian dispatched his General who Establishes Steadfastness, Deng Qiang, to chastise and seize him.

Jian himself arrived in Shuofang, he used Weichen as Duke of Xiayang and controlled his section groups. Weichen, since Jian had turned around and restored his state, again adhered to Jian. Although the tribute envoys to the state were not cut off, actually his respectfulness was inconsistent. The Emperor chastised Weichen, greatly routed him, and gathered from his section groups six or seven out of ten. Weichen fled to Fu Jian. Jian sent him off to return to Shuofang, and dispatched troops to defend him.

At the end of Zhaocheng, Weichen guided Fu Jian to come and rob the southern region. The kingly host achieved defeat. Jian thereupon divided the state's population into two sections, westwards from the He belonged to Weichen, eastwards from the He belonged to Liu Kuren. It is spoken of in Yan Feng's Biography. Jian later used Weichen as Western Shanyu, to supervise and administer the sundry kinds west of the He, and to station at Dailai City.

At Murong Yong's occupation of Changzi, he designated Weichen Envoy Holding the Tally Commander-in-Chief of All Army Affairs West of the He, Great General and Shepherd of Shuo province, to settle in Shuofang. Yao Chang likewise dispatched envoys to join together on good terms, and designated Weichen Envoy Holding the Tally, Commander-in-Chief of All Army Affairs of the Sundry Barbarians in the Boreal North, Great General, Great Shanyu, King of Hexi, and Shepherd of You province. He continuously was robbing and murdering.

Middle of Dengguo [386 – 395], Weichen dispatched his son Zhilidi to rob the southern section, his multitude was eighty or ninety thousand. Taizu's army was five or six thousand people, and he became encircled by him. Taizu therefore used chariots as the sides of his encampment, equally fighting and moving ahead, he greatly routed him to the south of Tieqi Mountain. Zhilidi fled on a single horse. Captured more than 200 000 cattle and sheep.

He exploited the victory to pursue him, crossed the He from Jin Ford in Wuyuan, and entered his state. The resident people were terrified and in chaos, the section groups ran and scattered. Thereupon he arrived at Weichen's residence, Yueba City. Weichen, father and son, were frightened and escaped. He therefore separately dispatched various generals to pursue them with light cavalry.

The Duke of Chenliu, Yuan Hu, went south until Baiyan, and took prisoner Weichen's family. General Yi Wei arrived at Mugen Mountain, seized Zhilidi, and fully joined together his multitudes. Weichen escaped and ran on a single horse. He was killed by his section subordinates who transmitted the head to the Acting Palace. Captured more than 4 000 000 horses, cattle and sheep. Prior to this, the water of the He had turned red like blood, and Weichen had been repulsed by it. When Weichen had perished, they executed his family and kindred, and also threw them in the He. Weichen's third son “Bent Dregs” absconded and ran to the leader of the Xuegan section, Taixifu.

Bent Dregs [qujie] was originally named Bobo, Taizong changed his name to Bent Dregs. “Bent Dregs” is someone lowly and inferior. Taixifu sent him off to Yao Xing. Xing's Duke of Gaoping, Poduoluo Meiyiyu married him to a daughter. Bent Dregs was 8 chi, 5 cun tall, Xing saw and marvelled at him. He designated him General of Agile Cavalry, concurrently Chief Commandant of Imperial Chariots. He often assisted in the great debates on army and state, and his favour happened to go beyond [those] with achievements of old. Xing's younger brother, the Duke of Jinan, Yong, talked to Xing, saying:

Bent Dregs' Heavenly-[given] nature is not to be humane, and so he sis difficult to personally nurture. Your Subject has the audacity to be confused with the grand extend of his favour.

Xing said:

Bent  Dregs has talent for aiding his generation, I am just now gathering his arts and usefulness, and together with him uniting and pacifying Under Heaven.  What is impossible with that?

He therefore used Bent Dregs as General who Calms the Distant, ennobled Marquis of Yangchuan, and sent him to assist Meiyiyu garrisoning Gaoping. He debated using multitudes of the sundry barbarians of Yucheng and Shuofang, and Weichen's section, 30 000, to pair with him, so as to watch for dissent at the border. Yong firmly admonished that it could not be done. Xing said:

How can you know, Sir, what his manners and nature are?

Yong said:

Bent Dregs serves his sovereign sluggishly, drives the multitudes ruthlessly, is greedy, brutal, and without friends, and he is quick to come and go. Favour him with more than his allotment, and in the end he will be a harm for the border.

Xing therefore desisted, and used Bent Dregs as Holding the Tally, General who Calms the North, and Duke of Wuyuan. He paired him with the five Xianbei sections of Sanjiao, more than 20 000 family groups, to garrison Shuofang.

At the end of Taizu's reign, Bent Dregs assaulted and killed Meiyiyu joined together their multitudes. He usurpingly declared [himself] Heavenly King of Great Xia, titled the year Longsheng [“Dragon Rising”], and set up the hundred officials. Xing then regretted it. Bent Dregs was ashamed of his family name Teifu, and thereupon changed it to be the Helian clan, and spoke of himself as a signal made vivid [he] and connected [lian] with Heaven. He also titled his family's offshoots and baseborn as the Tiefa clan, saying that his lineage and clan was hard and sharp like iron [tie] and always capable of hacking [fa] people.

Liu Yu attacked Chang'an. Bent Dregs heard and happily said:

How will Yao Hong be able to resist Yu, Yu is sure to exterminate him. [I] will wait until after Yu has left, and take it like picking up something thrown away, that is all.

Hence he feed the horses and sharpened the troops, and rested and reared the officers and soldiers. When Yu had seized Hong, he kept behind his son Yizhen to defend Chang'an. Bent Dregs attacked him, and greatly routed Yizhen. He piled up people's heads as a raised mound, calling it the “Skull Terrace”.

Thereupon he usurpingly declared himself August Emperor at Bashang, titling the year as Changwu [“Splendid Martiality”], and settled the capital at Tongwan. He directed to engrave to the south of he city, lauding his merits and virtue. He used Chang'an as the Southern Capital.

He was by nature haughty and cruel, and looked on the population like straw and seeds. Steamed earth was used to build his capital's walls. If an iron awl could be stabbed one inch into it, he would killed the craftsmen and rebuild it. When fashioning armaments for the troops, the artisans who presented them would surely die. If he shot at armour and it did not penetrate, he promptly beheaded the bow man, similarly if it did penetrate, he quickly beheaded the armourer, altogether he killed several thousand workers and artisans.

He often stayed on top of the city, and set up a bow and sword by his side. If there one who he hated and was angry with, he killed him by his own hand. Among the crowd of subjects, those who had a defiant look, he pierced their eyes. Those who laughed, he severed their lips. Those who admonished, he spoke of as libellous slanderers. He first cut of their tongues, and then afterwards beheaded them.

He debated discard his oldest son Gui. Gui raised troops from Chang'an to attack Bent Dregs. Bent Dregs' middle son, the Duke of Taiyuan, Chang, routed Gui, and killed him. Bent Dregs used Chang as Heir-Apparent. 2nd Year of Shiguang [425 AD], Bent Dregs died. Chang was usurpingly installed.

Chang, courtesy name Huanguo, also named Zhe, was Bent Dregs' third son. When he had usurped the throne, he changed the year to Yongguang [“Eternal Brilliance”]. Shizu heard that Bent Dregs had died, and his various sons were attacking each other, and Guanzhong was in great chaos. Hence he went on a western attack. He therefore crossed the He with 18 000 cavalry to assault Chang. At the time it was the day of the winter solstice, and Chang was just then hosting a banquet when before long the kingly host arrived. High and low were frightened and agitated. The Chariot Drove to stay at the Hei River, 30 li distant from the city. Chang therefore set out to fight. Shizu swiftly went to strike him, and Chang withdrew and ran into the city. He had not yet reached to close the gates, when the army's soldiers exploited the victory to enter into his Western Palace, and burnt his Western Gate. At night they lodged north of the city. Next day, divided the army to set out in four directions and carry off the resident population. They killed and captured several ten thousand, the live captives, cattle and horses were several hundred thousand. Moved more than 10 000 families and turned back.

Later, Chang dispatched his younger brother Ding for a stand-off with the Minister of Works, Xi Jin, at Chang'an. Shizu exploited the absence for a western attack. He crossed at Junzi Ford with 30 000 light cavalry for combined marches over multiple roads. The crowd of subjects all together remonstrated, saying:

Tongwan's walls are firm and cannot be taken in ten days. Now if a light army chastise them, advancing they cannot overcome, withdrawing they will have no wealth. It is not as good as an infantry army with attack tools all going at the same time.

Shizu said:

In all cases, among the arts of employing troops, attacking cities is the very worst, if it cannot be avoided then do it. If they attack with tools, all going at the same time, the thieves will surely be afraid and defend firmly. If the attack does not take it at time, the food will be gone and the troops tired, and outside there will be nothing to plunder, not the best strategy.

We will use light cavalry to arrive beneath their walls. That one will first hear there is an infantry army, and then his followers will see the cavalry arrive, he will surely bar the gates. We will moreover will entice him with a haggard host. If we get a single battle, we are certain to seize him.

This being so, with the soldiers in the army 2 000 li away from their families, and also having the dangers of the Yellow He, can be said to set them up on deadly ground and afterwards they live. If we in this way decide the battle, we will have the rest. If we attack the city, it will not be enough.

Thereupon he acted. He stayed at Hei River, he divided of part of the army to hide in a deep valley, and used the smaller multitude to arrive beneath their city.

Chang's general Di Zhiyu came to surrender, he explained:

Chang sent people to chase after his younger brother Ding. Ding said: “The city is already firm and steep and cannot be taken by assault. Wait [for me] to seize Jin and others, afterwards we will proceed calmly, and strike them from inside and outside, how is that of no help. Chang considered it to be so.

Shizu detested it, and withdrew the army north of the city, to show weakness to Chang. He dispatched the King of Yongchang, Jian, and E Qing, and others, with a division of 5 000 cavalry, to go west and plunder the resident people.

It happened that a soldier in the army took responsibility for a crime, absconded and entered Chang's city. He told that the official army's provisions was exhausted, the officers and men were eating vegetables, the supply wagons were in the rear, the infantry troops had not yet arrived, and striking them would be easy. Chang trusted his words, and guided the multitudes to set out from the city, 30 000 infantry and cavalry.

The Minister over the Masses, Zhangsun Han, and others said:

Chang's infantry deployment is difficult to destroy. We ought to avoid their spear-point, and moreover give free reign to the infantry troops, and [all] at the same time rise up and strike.

Shizu said:

Not so. [We have] come from far away to seek out the thieves, fearing they would not set out. Now to avoid them and do not strike, that one will rise up at our weakness. It is not the plan.

Thereupon he gathered the army and pretended to go north, to draw out and exhaust him. Chang considered him to be withdrawing, advanced with drums and commotion, and spread out the deployment as flanks. When they had travelled five or six li, Shizu surged up at them, the thieves' deployment did not shift, but rather resumed the forward march.

There happened to be a rising wind, the methods specialist officer [eunuch?] Zhao Ni recommended Shizu that it was expedient to wait for a later day. Cui Hao reviled him. Shizu therefore divided the cavalry into left and right so as to grab hold of them. Shizu fell off his horse, the thieves were already pressuring and coming into contact.

Shizu mounted  his horse, stabbed and killed their Master of Writing, and also killed ten of the cavalry thieves. A fleeting arrow hit his palm, he strenuously struck and did not stop. Chang's army was greatly scattered, he did not manage to enter the city but ran to Shanggui. Thereupon vanquished his city.

Earlier, Bent Dregs was by nature extravagant, and fond of managing palace houses. The city walls were 10 ren tall, and 30 bu thick, on top they were 10 bu wide. The palace walls were 5 ren tall, their firmness could used to sharpen blades and axes. The towers and eyries were tall and great, the lofty chambers connected to each other, and all of them were carved and inlaid with pictures and drawings, covered in lace-work and embroideries, decorated in red and green, to the utmost end ornamented and selected. Shizu looked around, spoke to left and right, saying:

An inconsequential small state, yet employing the population like this, even if they intended not to perish, did they among them obtain it?

Later the Attendant Imperial Clerk An Xie seized Chang. Shizu sent Palace Attendant Gu Bi to welcome Chang on his arrival at the Imperial City, and housed him inside the gates of the Western Palace. He gave him a set of vehicles and carriages, and also decreed Chang wed the Princes of Shiping. He was made use General of Frequent Loyalty and Duke of Kuaiji, and was ennobled as King of Qin. He was convicted of planning rebellion, and submitted to execution.

Chang's younger brother Ding, child name Zhifen, was Bent Dreg's fifth son, he was fiendish, brutal, and unreliable. When Chang was taken, Ding fled to Pingliang. He declared himself with the venerated title and changed the year to Shengguang [“Surpassing Brilliance”].

Ding climbed Yinpan Mountain, looked towards his home state, wept, and said:

The Former Emperor used Us to inherit the Great Legacy, how has it come to the present day's affairs! To cause Heaven to make use of Our years, it must be so that [We] and you Sirs can establish a legacy of a last flourishing.

Suddenly there were a crowd of foxes making a hundred cries to his side. Ding instructed to shoot them but none were captured. Ding detested it, and said:

This is also greatly unfavourable. Tut-tut, Heaven's Way, again what does it say!

He and Liu Yilong joined in friendly relations, and from great distance divided [the land] north of the He. Eastwards from Heng Mountain would belong to Yilong, westward from Heng Mountain would belong to Ding.

He dispatched his generals to rob Lincheng. The Duke of Shiping, Wei Gui chastised and routed him. Ding again brought along several ten thousand people to go east and strike Gui. Shizu personally led light cavalry to assault Pingliang. Ding went to aid Pingliang, he deployed in a square and strengthened himself. Shizu besieged him on four sides, and cut off his water and grass. Ding could not get water, he guided the multitudes to go down from the plains. Decreed the General of Martial Guards Qiu Juan to strike him, his multitudes scattered. Ding was wounded, and escaped and ran on a single mount. He collected his remaining multitudes and then went west to protect Shanggui.

4th Year of Shenjia [431 AD], he was assaulted by Mugui of the Tuyuhun. He seized Ding and sent him off to the Imperial City were he submitted to execution.