#(for those who haven't read it the age gaps are all like 4-5 years. the ideal span of time for tumblr age gap discourse)

[cctinsleybaxter]

all things considered thank god we're not getting c22 'age gap' discourse

[fangdokja]

Male Yandere / Dark Romance Recommendations [Incomplete Version]

Personal Library mainly includes: Male Yandere + Dark Romance (scroll to bottom XD)

Last Updated: December 4, 2024

This should be a given already, but heed the content warnings in each story! And this list will still be updated as time goes on.

Yandere Classifications (how I classify this library): How a Yandere Says, "I love you." [GENERAL Library Classifications]

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Legend

⭐ : All-time Favorites

🏴 : Black Flag

🏁 : Checkered Flag

🚩 : Red Flag

💀 : What the fudge.

🎨 : Art Inspiration

No Mark : Anything below red flag or just green flag / or crazy.

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The following notices are extra information about my personal library:

Note #1: I have my own personal digital library and much more (e.g. Male Yandere Classifications based on my own research). But I'm not planning on posting those detailed gold mines for a long while. Think of this as just a preview, lol. And, remember, these are all just my personal takes and opinions on the stories. I wouldn't classify it as 'formally objective'.

Note #2: I have a type. Dominant sadistic actual black flags (or just 'checkered' since I come across that more often, which is basically like 'Try Begging' or 99% of web novels level to me). Those what people can call 'abusive' even. Basically they're not afraid to hurt the darling at all, or even kill the darling. So, you won't really find puppy submissive yanderes, or subs here in general, sorry. Though, some of the recommendations can be fluffy, or comedy, so yeah. And even recommendations for 'not torture porn', like how the usual Dominant yandere works (doesn't have to be the sadistic kind). Actually, I rarely find loyal sadist Dom yanderes.

Note #3: I have an extremely high tolerance for anything controversial, taboo, etc. Just dark, tragic shiz, basically. What people call 'torture porn', that's vanilla ice cream to me. Literally vanilla. I like reading the fudged up in the dark psychological genre the most, so it already tells something about my tastes.

Note #4: I haven't updated some of these recommendations in a long while, I've had this library for more than 6 years already. So, yeah. Tastes can change.

Note #5: I like older love interests, age gap romance even, but I don't like younger males and older female trope, sorry. Lol, does the daddy and mommy issues ring? Jk, jk.

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Completed / Finished Reading

Black Flags

⭐ 🏴 Who Is The Prey? (Web Novel)

Checkered Flags

⭐🏁 Who Is The Prey (Manhwa)

🏁 BORDER LINE ~My Fiendish Chinese Classmate's Psychotic Infatuation~ (Manga)

🏁 Kneel Before Me (Manhwa)

Red Flags

🚩 Is this a BAD END? (Manga)

🚩 The Innkeeper's Daughter That Was Doted On By The S-Rank Adventurer (Manga)

🚩 Yaba Ai Instructor (Manga)

🚩 The Love-Interest Prince Completely Change When I Made A Meta Comment About My Reincarnation! (Manga)

⭐🚩🎨 I Reincarnated into the Otome Game "KURODORA," but it's IMPOSSIBLE to clear. ⚠️DUB/NON CON⚠️ (Manga)

🚩 Will You Like Me if I’m Nice to you? lol (Manga)

🚩 The Tainted Half (Manhwa)

🚩 Former Villainess and the Fallen Prince (Manga)

🚩 The reincarnated villainess cannot escape from the demon king's obsession ~Part 1~ (Manga)

🚩 When You Are Reincarnated As The villain NPC's Girl And Be Loved By The Strongest Prince Who Is Not A Capture Target (Manga)

🚩 Mellis Maleficarum~ usotuki akuma no saiin tyoukyou (Manga)

🚩 Muttsuri Akazukin-kun kara wa nige rarenai” / I Can't Escape From Mr. Naughty Red Riding Hood (Manga)

🚩 I Can't Escape From Mr. Naughty Red Riding Hood 2 (Manga)

🚩 The Strongest Knightess Cannot Escape An Obsessive Prince! (Manga)

⭐🚩 Limerence [Yandere! x Chara!Reader] by Monochromatically (Fanfiction)

🚩 Winter Rabbit in Wonderland (Web Novel)

🚩 Dying Days [Dark Reader One Shots] (Fanfiction)

🚩 Infected (Yandere Harem x Reader) (Fanfiction)

🚩 They Who Shouldn't Have Loved, The Story of their Cursed Love (Manga)

🚩 The Sacrificial Maiden Corrupted by Coupling With an Oni (Manga)

🚩 The Spy Who Ravished Me ~Reborn As a Mafia Princess in a Deadly Game~ (Manga)

Below Red Flags (Orange/Yellow/Green, etc.)

Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess / Villains are Destined to Die (Web Novel)

Teenagers [Yandere High, Quotev] (Fanfiction)

100% Perfect Girl (Manga)

The Yakuza Leader's Only Daughter and the Second in Command (Manga)

You, My Devil / The Devil and His Sacrifice (Manhwa)

Ikemen Kadouka to Seiryaku Kekkon Shitara, Ishiki ga Tobuma de Mederaremashita (Manga)

Special Class with Teacher on the Train (Manga)

BAD GUY| Yandere Mafia Boss x Reader (Fanfiction)

You Need Me ( Manipulator Yandere x Reader ) (Fanfiction)

Gratitude (Yandere x Reader, Quotev) (Fanfiction)

You’ve Got The Wrong House, Villain (Web Novel)

It Seems Like I Got Reincarnated Into The World Of A Yandere Otome Game (Web Novel)

The Epic Revenge ( Marshal Your Wife Run Away ) (Manhwa)

Jinsei 2-Shuume wa Yandere Kareshi wo Amayakashite Happy End ni Narimasu!! (Manga)

Even if I were to die, I wouldn’t choose you (Manga)

Not Yandere / Just Possessive (Protective Type)

Business Proposal (Manhwa)

Pampered by the Escape Boss (Web Novel)

Green Flags / Not Yandere / Just Crazy

Last Game (Manga)

Phoenix Destiny (Web Novel)

Tsuiraku Jk To Haijin Kyoushi (Manga)

Abe-kun’s Got Me Now! (Manga)

Evil Wang Pampers His Ghost Doctor Fei (Web Novel)

Genius Doctor: Black Belly Miss (Web Novel)

The Anarchic Consort (Web Novel)

The Good for Nothing Seventh Young Lady (Web Novel)

Koi to yobu ni wa kimochi warui (Manga)

Space and Rebirth: The Favored Genius Doctor and Businesswoman (Web Novel)

AntiSTALKER (Manhwa)

I’m Dating A Psychopath (Manhwa)

National School Prince Is A Girl (Web Novel)

Dreaming Freedom (Manhwa)

Extras: Not Romance Books

⭐ Kill The Hero (Manhwa)

⭐ Kill The Hero (Web Novel)

Juvenile Justice (K-Drama)

Yoru ni Naru to Boku wa (At Night I Move) (Manga)

Madam, Your Sockpuppet is Lost Again! (Web Novel)

⭐ Reverend Insanity (Web Novel)

Can a Scholar Be Called a Villain (Web Novel)

Incompetent Villain (Manhwa)

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Currently Reading / Tracking Updates

Black Flags

⭐🏴💀 If I Cant Have You by Deathsdoll (Ao3) (Fanfiction)

⭐🏴 How To Break Up Well (Manhwa)

Checkered Flags

🏁 Haunting Adeline (Cat and Mouse #1) by H.D. Carlton (Novel)

⭐🏁🎨 Chaotic Nights (Manhwa) / Tempest Night (JYL) (Manhwa)

Red Flags

⭐🚩🎨 The Beast Within (Manhwa)

🚩 To Your Moralless (Manhwa)

⭐🚩 One Husband Is Enough (Manhwa)

🚩 Betrayal of Dignity (Manhwa)

Below Red Flags (Orange/Yellow/Green, etc.)

My Body Has Been Possessed By Someone (Web Novel)

Stigma Effect (Manhwa)

Villainess Maker (Manhwa)

Quiet In The Office! (Manhwa)

Extras: Not Romance Books

How To Live as an Illegal Healer (Manhwa)

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Simmering Food / Cook Chapters First

Checkered Flags

⭐🏁 The Fallen Fruit Under the Paradise – R19 (Web Novel)

⭐🏁 Try Begging (Web Novel)

⭐🏁 Not Allowed to Leak a Single Drop (Web Novel)

⭐🏁 Chaotic Nights (Web Novel)

Red Flags

🚩 Run Away, From Me (Manhwa)

🚩 The Blackened Male King Always Wants To Set A Routine For Me (Web Novel)

🚩 Odalisque (Manhwa)

Below Red Flags (Orange/Yellow/Green, etc.)

Assassin X Cinderella / Chotto kiken na amaama Onii-san (Manga)

Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess / Villains are Destined to Die (Manhwa)

High Society (Manhwa)

He’s Always So Kind and Caring. Truly the Ideal Boyfriend (Manga)

Reminiscence Adonis (Manhwa)

Sensei no Yasashii Koroshikata (Manga)

Leylin of Turin (Manhwa)

Please Don’t Eat Me (Manhwa)

⭐ I'm a Fake Saintess but the Constellations are Obsessed (Manhwa)

Taram Taram Taram (Manhwa)

Predatory Marriage (Manhwa)

⭐ I Was Reincarnated as the Villainess in an Otome Game but the Boys Love Me Anyway (Manga)

Destined To Love You (Web Novel)

Today the Villainess Has Fun Again / The Villainess is Happy Today (Manhwa)

I Made a Deal With The Devil (Manhwa)

I’ll Become a Villainess That Will Go Down in History (Web Novel)

Post Possession Damage Control (Manhwa)

The Hero Suddenly Proposed to Me, but . . . (Web Novel)

The Villain Went Crazy Over Me (Web Novel)

You, My Devil (Web Novel)

Not Yandere / Just Possessive (Protective Type)

The Knight Captain Wants to Monopolize the Girl Who Had Glasses (Manga)

I Was Summoned to Be a Saint, but Was Robbed of the Position (Manga)

⭐ Men of the Harem (Manhwa)

Give a Heart to the Emperor (Manhwa)

The Perks of Being a Villainess (Manhwa)

Green Flags / Not Yandere / Just Crazy

Dog Act (Manhwa)

Extras: Not Romance Books

⭐ Konoha Hypocrite (Web Novel / Fanfiction)

The Earth’s Chosen Savior (Manhwa)

⭐ Brutal: Satsujin Keisatsukan no Kokuhaku (Manga)

⭐ Blue Lock (Manga)

Hero Killer (Manhwa)

One Punch Man (Manga)

Genocide Online Playtime Diary of an Evil Young Girl (Web Novel)

Start hunting the main character from One Piece (Web Novel / Fanfiction)

I’m Not That Kind of Talent (Web Novel)

Extreme Eternal Demon (Web Novel)

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Lazy to finish right now

Checkered Flags

🏁 Break Her by BG Harlen (Novel)

Red Flags

🚩 Failed to Abandon the Villain (Manhwa)

🚩 Reminiscence Adonis (Web Novel)

Below Red Flags (Orange/Yellow/Green, etc.)

Chongfei Manual (Web Novel)

This Song Only for You (Web Novel)

The Elegant Sea of Savagery (Manhwa)

Koroshi Ai (Manga)

I’m The Ex-Girlfriend of a Soldier (Manga)

I’ll Just Live On As A Villainess (Manhwa)

Hello, Wife! (Web Novel)

The Villain Discovered My Identity (Manhwa)

The Frog Prince and the Witch (Web Novel)

Not Yandere / Just Possessive (Protective Type)

Beware of the Red Thread (Manhwa)

Sensei To, Watashi Wa (Manga)

Isn’t Being A Wicked Woman Much Better? (Web Novel)

The Best is Saved for Last / Nokori Mono niha Fuku ga Aru (Manga)

Love Between Fairy and Devil (C-Drama)

The Real Daughter is Back (Manhwa)

I Was Admitted To The Villain School (Web Novel)

Both the Kills and You Are Mine (Web Novel)

Father, I Don’t Want to Get Married! (Manhwa)

I Became The Sole Perfumer of A Tyrant (Web Novel)

My Master Disconnected Yet Again (Web Novel)

Of Course, I’ll Claim Palimony! (Manga)

Aidin (Manhwa)

Green Flags / Not Yandere / Just Crazy

Sweet Plunder (Manhwa)

Extras: Not Romance Books

⭐ Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint (Web Novel)

⭐ Jujutsu Kaisen (Manga)

Yukoku No Moriarty (Manga)

I'm the Grim Reaper (Manhwa)

Hierarchy (K-Drama)

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To Read Soon

god of malice by rina kent (killian) (west novel)

Cry, Even Better if you Beg (Web Novel)

Bastian (Web Novel)

It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Broken (Web Novel)

My Beloved Oppressor (Web Novel)

Apollo’s Heart (Web Novel)

The Skeleton King by Charity B. (Novel)

Entangled Relationships (Manhwa)

The Fake Saint Wants To Be Completely Dominated By A Horny Succubus (Manga)

50 Shades of Grey (Manhwa)

Red Fox (Manhwa)

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To Check, Dark Romance (Post-Backlog)

God’s Eye by ANSA Reads

His Dark Mercy by Amethyst Moonn

Beautiful Evil by Eris Belmont

Malevolent King by Mila Kane

Bad Intentions by Mila Kane

The King by Eris Belmont

Lemonade by Nina Pennacchi

Stolen by Jay Marie

even if it hurts - sam marrino (dare)

bitter heat singed series - mia knight (roth)

decent - sam marrino (calvin)

Rules of Bennet by Ember Michaels

Fearscape by Nenia Campbell

Gaslight her by Quinn Blackford

GODLY OBSESSION by ANSA Reads

Obsession by Gemma Weir

Mansions by Whitney Bianca

Stolen series by Jay Marie

Deadly vows by Haley Stuart

I know what love is by Whitney Bianca

Surrender by Sam Mariano

Wicked Games by Zoe Blake

Devil's Kiss series by Gemma James

love is strange by Whitney Bianca

Better Run by Alina May

24690 by A.A Dark

Nocticadia by Keri Lake

Torment by Dylan Page

Dead of summer by AJ Merlin

all your pain by hannah meadows

Comfort Food by Kitty Thomas

The Witness by AN Boyden

Brutal Conquest by Lilith Vincent

The edge of darkness by leigh rivers

The dare by Harley LaRoux

Losers Duet by Harley Laroux

The Key to Waking Up by Runa Nelson

Captured by Lauren Biel

Miranda Grant- Madness Behind the Mask

Sick Fux by Tillie Cole

Obsession by Harleigh Beck

Stolen by Jay Marie

Still Beating by Jennifer Hartmann

Slaughter by Shantel Tessier

Pet: Genesis by Haley Inez

My Killer by Amrose

Clive Barker Damnation Game

Come Let Us Prey

Corrupt Idol by Dinah Harper

debt by Nina g jones

Heat by R lee smith

Dovetail by Whipperwill

contempt by Sam Mariano

Untouchable by Sam Mariano

Take Me With You by Nina G. Jones

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Other Recommendations

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@yanderenightmare

@yanderedrabbles

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Sample picture of my digital library in Notion (not sure if I'll post this link or not... probably not though for security reasons) But, I'll be posting my analysis of the yanderes to share with you guys (banner images do not belong to me):

[literaticat]

Thanks for guiding us! Lately, we've heard about the need/desire for shorter middle grade. What about chapter books and illustrated chapter books to help fill the gaps? Have you heard anything publishers want concerning chapter books? Thanks!

I'm sorry that I have to start with some background intel, forgive me if you already know this but if I don't explain it all the way, there will be more questions from other folks!

First, some definitions: Early Reader books (very thin, often "leveled" or marked with an actual reading 1-4 reading difficulty level emblazoned on the front, like Frog and Toad, or any I Can Read book, LOTS of white space on the page, few words, illustrations on every page) are specifically for very young kids... say, 3-5 years old-ish?... who are just starting out with reading, still sounding out words, etc. Chapter Books (what the publishing industry calls chapter books - almost always series, always illustrated but usually B&W, may have some pages without illustrations, still plenty of white space on the page but more "story" than ER books, like June B Jones or Magic Treehouse or Ivy and Bean) are specifically for young kids (6-8-ish) who are just becoming fluent readers. Middle Grade books are for kids 8-12 who are confident independent readers.

Now, some history: In the Middle Grade sphere, the trend in the past decade or so has been for longer, more sophisticated, the "big chonkers" if you will. But more recently, as post-pandemic kids reading levels have taken a nosedive and fewer kids are reading for fun, people have realized that those Big Chonkers are not necessarily appealing to kids who a) have shorter than ever attention spans, b) aren't used to reading long books and in some cases CAN'T read them or just don't want to, c) aren't used to reading books for fun, ETC.

Hence, why the call recently for shorter MG books (and if long, than quite "zippy" with shorter chapters), more highly illustrated MG books, hybrid GN/MG books, younger/easier MG books. Early readers and chapter books have always stayed the same, but MG has gone more sophisticated and left the younger/less reading-confident part of the demographic behind, so that's where the gap in the market is. Another word for these books is "Hi-Lo" -- high interest level, low reading level.

So all of that lengthy background is just to say, the thing is, chapter books, etc, already exist in a relatively bountiful way, the publishers that publish those books will continue to publish them, no problemo. But people aren't talking about them much or actively seeking them out... because they are already there. The problem is, that they don't fill the gap or take the place of the younger/shorter/easier MG, because chapter books are typically geared toward early elementary kiddos.

A 9 or 10 year old who isn't a great reader still wants to read something that is FOR THEM, not something babyish for a 6 year old! ;-)

In other words, if you are writing chapter books, cool, go for it; but no, nobody is really talking about them per se. I haven't heard much of anything new regarding chapter books in... ever, actually, because the chapter book market is just its own stable regular thing. It's a smaller market because fewer publishers do them; it's a narrow age range, and kids age out of it quickly, so you don't see deals for them quite as often as MG or other kinds of kids books, but they can and do sell. As it has always been, publishers like there to be a strong high-concept "hook" and/or extremely voicey central character(s), chapter books are usually sold in series so I would suggest writing the entirety of one book and then having some ideas for possible follow-up books, etc. There are loads of posts on here about chapter books (click the hashtag below for more)! Good luck!

[dandelion-network]

Mid-Year Book Freakout 2023

so i was tagged by @violaeade (my main was tagged but its book-related so its going here)

1. Best book you’ve read so far this year

The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes On by Franny Choi: My favorite book and poetry collection of the year by far. I was barely 1/4 in it when I could tell it was going to be my favorite book. It's a collection about environmental racism, climate change, xenophobia, police brutality, girl it had everything. I decided to read it because an article recommended it for people who enjoyed the science fiction novel How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu and I agree; if you liked that book, you'd enjoy this poetry collection.

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far this year

Mysteries of Thorn Manor by Margaret Rogerson: A novella that sorta kinda operates as a long epilogue for the previous Sorcery of Thorns book. I enjoyed that first book - and I love that we got a tall girl, love that for us. It was a fun time for those of us who enjoy fantasy romances (or romance fantasies??).

3. New release you haven’t read yet

Maroons by adrienne maree brown No One Will Come Back For Us by Premee Mohamed A Darker Wilderness: Black Nature Writing from Soil to Stars edited by Erin Sharkey

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

5. Biggest disappointment

Entranced by the Basilisks by Lillian Lark: I didn't find the throuple compelling at all. Jasper felt like someone in his early 20s even though he's the director of the library. Ari and Emilia connection was based on...her being turned into a monster and him seeming inherently alluring I guess? I will say this book taught me that I don't like reptile monster sex. The hidden penis situation does nothing for me.

6. Biggest surprise

Release by Suzanne Clay: I was surprised to find that I enjoyed an age gap, employee + boss romance. It helped that the female lead is 32 years old and the man's like 55. I think the author did everything in their power to make sure male lead was super aware of the power dynamic and gave the female lead space and security in her job (because this is a complete fantasy). And they're bi4bi so that was the icing on the cake.

7. Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

Kimberly Lemming: She's a new romance author to me. I found all her stories to be fun and erotic in the best way. A true monsterfucker who understands there's not enough monster romances that involve women of color.

8. Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character

Unfortunately, I haven't obtained any fictional crushes or favorites.

9. Book that made you cry

Short Film Starring My Beloved's Red Bronco: Poems by K. Iver: Okay I'll be honest, it didn't make me cry. But out of everything I've read so far this year, it made me the most emotional. It's a collection of poems where many of them are addressed to or at least speaking to the author's dead friend who committed suicide.

10. Book that made you happy

Animal Castle Vol. 1 by Xavier Dorison, Félix Delep: a graphic novel that is in a similar vein to Animal Farm but the animals aren't becoming human, it's more of a story that is so blatant in its metaphor of how exploitative capitalism is. It's some good communist propaganda and I can't wait to read the next volume.

I'm tagging: @readingrobin, @somewherereadingg, @bibliophilecats, @logarithmicpanda, @bookish-brews, @amongtomesandtales, @the-knights-who-say-book, @thebookbud, @foxingfae, @bookphile, @jorammiireads and @crookedreads

if you've done this before or don't want to do it, feel free to ignore the tag. if you want to do this but i didn't tag it, do it anyways and tag me so i can see your answers

[wordsonamission]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks so much for tagging me in this, @acetonitril! Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to really think out my answers.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12 currently! This is my first year actually posting fics and I'm happy with my progress.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

118,159! There's a chance I'll get another fic finished soon, too . . . And maybe I'll be able to sneak in something short and smutty before the end of the year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

All I've published is Top Gun. I'm not going to be surprised if I end up writing soapghost for the COD games. Y'all have some superb writers and artists that keep drawing me in. Historically, I started some small 00Q and Destiel stuff back in ye olde golden days. There's a dramione fic from on my old computer from years back that was like 30k before I stopped.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Kissed By The Sun

Falling Into Place

A Safe Place to Land

Running on Empty

Spare

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! If someone was kind enough to make the effort to leave a comment, I want to make sure that they know I saw it and that I appreciate them for letting me know what they think. I don't generally reply the same day, but I try to reply within a couple of days. I love hearing what readers think and I hope that me engaging back only encourages more comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm I have a couple. Mission Report is a whole pile of angst just as a concept. It's short and sad all the way through imo. Spare ends on a really big cliffhanger which can be read as sad; a character is left in a really fragile medical state. Snow Day is so sweet but then the end is just a gut-punch. You could say that I like to temper fluff and steamy stuff with sadness and angst.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

If the ending isn't sad, it's usually pretty happy. Or at least hopeful. I think I'll give happiest ending award to A Cookie Conundrum. It's so silly and light, no angst.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

None that I've ever seen. But I'm still new and I write safe fics as far as subject and pairings.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah lol. I'm still getting used to writing it. What kind? Pretty standard MLM fic smut. I'd like to write harder edged stuff in the future, but right now it tends to be really loving stuff.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't. That's not something I'm super into as a reader or as a writer. Never say never - it'll only take the right combo to get me going I'm sure, but it hasn't happened yet.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've seen. That is a worry of mine.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I'm still new and I don't see that Top Gun has a lot of fics that get translated (I could be very wrong and missing out)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No I haven't.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

All time ever favorite? Yeesh. Uhhhhh I'll cop out and say that I enjoy a similar dynamic to my favorites - they're highly competent in their field but often less confidant about romance, there's a degree of imbalance in the relationship (rank, age gap, experience, etc), and I'm an absolute sucker for a character that doesn't let anyone else emotionally close who lets That Guy in.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't think I'm going to finish any of the old fic I mentioned, like from years ago. If I pick up those fandoms and pairings again, I'll start over.

16. What are your writing strengths?

God I don't know. I consider myself someone with a good grasp on grammar and how things Should be written as far as that goes (please go ahead and point out all of my mistakes, I know they're everywhere) which helps with readability. Comments repeatedly point out that even my smut is very tender and emotional. I tend to write characters affirming each other and being very giving lovers. I'm sure that says nothing about me as a person. I really like to dig into missing scenes to expand the emotional complexity of the canon story.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Knowing when and how to end a story. One of those writing posts that go around here mentioned going back a couple of paragraphs when you get stuck, which has been so true for me. But endings are still so hard. Writing sex is still weird, too, and I can get stuck on a single scene for days. Coming up with titles is also so, so hard. Occasionally one will appear and I'll run with it, but usually it's one of the last things done before I post. I'm really not happy with the titles for my Ace Week fics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Do you mean including characters speaking a different language and writing their dialogue in that language? A block of text in another language is rough on a reader and there's not really a good work around. Asterisks to the bottom of the page don't work on A03.

If I want a reader to know what a character is saying, I'd make note of the language change and use italics in dialogue but otherwise write normally. If the characters are in a situation where I DON'T want them or the reader to understand, then I'd type the language in italics.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I've written what I would now call fanfic off and on my whole life. When I was seven, I wrote a horribly indulgent self-insert fic of me joining the characters of one of my favorite book series (Pony Pals) for an adventure. In middle school, before the publication of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I wrote my own version. I think I filled like two notebooks. I wonder if it's still around somewhere - I had some good ideas, some that were better than canon ended up imo

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Running on Empty! I loved it as one chapter but I really enjoy the whole story as it turned out in three. The only big thing I might change is tweaking the emotions Maverick feels after he and Ice finally get together. But that story flowed so well while writing and I really loved the world that I created with their families and especially Lisa and Jason for Slider. Plus I feel like that fic really addresses some of the trauma that Maverick went through and how he wasn't getting the support he needed in the OG movie.

That went long! Thanks again to @acetonitril for tagging me in this. I'm sure everyone else has already chimed in, but feel free to jump in if not. These are some great questions!

[brilla-brilla-estrellita]

Trope Grading Game

I do not have Six Sentences for you this Sunday, so instead I'm finally doing this trope game that the lovely @artsyunderstudy tagged me in... some time ago. And thank you to @shrekgogurt for tagging me in Six Sentence Sunday this week!

Prior to Carry On, I mostly read Harry Potter fanfiction with a little bit of Percy Jackson and a little bit of Avatar: TLA thrown in there. I was pretty specific about what I liked in my fics in those days (which were primarily 10+ years ago), but the Carry On fandom has absolutely changed me. I'm not yet sure what is Carry On-specific or what applies outside the fandom because I haven't ventured back out again yet. So let's see who I am now...

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap: -7

Would make me hesitate for sure. Depends a lot on the characters. If they're like... under 20, I'm probably not interested. If they're a little older, maybe? Idk, definitely sensitive here, but not quite a hard no.

Codependency: +3

Given how much I love Snowbaz, there's no way this is a turn off for me 😂

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +4

I'm going to quote artsyunderstudy's answer here because she already explained it perfectly,:

Complicated feelings. I'm kinda into it, so it definitely wont put me off, but jealousy as a trope can either be really fun in a story or really toxic. Like, I'm a little obsessed with Simon's jealousy in the series, because its not the kind where he gets mad at Baz, really, or lashes out at him, its very internal and about his own insecurity, but also really indicative of how very attached he is despite his assertions through wayward son that he was going to end things. I love a bit of possessiveness as long as its not the kind that hurts their partner or turns really bad to the point of me disliking the character. So, yeah, in most situations i'm a fan of exploring this, though I can't say I specifically look for it.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +7

Yes! I do love a good grumpy/sunshine, black cat/golden retriever combo. Solangelo, anyone?

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +10

Boy do I love me an enemies to lovers, and this has always been true (Dramione was my first non-canon ship... followed by Zutara, so. There's a theme here.) That was one of the major selling points of Carry On when my friend told me about it.

And enemies with benefits only if they end up actually having feelings for each other, ya know? If it's like... enemies that evolve to have benefits but never really have the emotional connection, meh. Though I can't say I've really run into that.

Friends with benefits: -2

Aaaand quoting artsyunderstudy here again because she nailed it, which... um... hm. I maybe am questioning certain aspects of my sexuality now... so... anyway......... 👀 Though I changed the rating to -2 because unless there's a tag telling me emotions are involved and important and leading somewhere, it's a turn off.

Ehhh is it benefits to full on love? I don't really connect with allo perspectives on sexual relationships, like I get them intellectually but I don't jive with them on an emotional level, so there has to be that emotional draw for me, that underlying romance. I mean tho, @fatalfangirl stacy is writing an excellent fic on this premise right now that I absolutely love because there are clearly feelings involved. But it also might fall more into the realm of the next trope on this list ... which is ...

Sex to feelings: -5

This one is new with Snowbaz (this was not at all a thing I read in previous fandoms. I was not ready for sexy fics back then.) It's another kind of weird one for me. I feel like it has to be accompanied by something else, but I can't tell you what off the top of my head. Like I don't know what this is missing right now... I think I just want the feelings to be there first? Idk, maybe I'll go read some fics like this and see if I can work out what I'm feeling here.

Actually I'm already having thoughts. I think the context of the sex has to be right. I'm not super into things like hookups because that sounds personally terrifying. Like... character a meets character b at a bar/event/etc and there's physical attraction and that's all they need. Just doesn't jive with me.

The only example I can think of off the top of my head that gets close, though doesn't exactly fit, is @facewithoutheart's "to do, to know, to want" with Gareth the Cherry Plucker. Except for this Sex to Feelings scenario it would need to be Baz falling for Gareth (which... HAH. I... I can't with that image.) But anyway. Context. Baz is going to Gareth for help and would then would develop feelings during/after the fact, and that would be fine. And I guess that's probably still about emotional vulnerability. Also hatefucking. That's fine too? Anyway, I'm losing my train of thought on this one.

Fake dating/relationship: +8

I quite enjoy the fake dating trope, especially when combined with enemies to lovers.

Friends to lovers: +5

Yes! Very cute. But also can have a lot of angst and I am more cautious about reading those and making sure I'm emotionally equipped to handle angst. So yes, but handled carefully.

Found Family: +10

I looooove found family stories! I love seeing people choose to care for each other even though they don't have a traditional familial or romantic bond. This is a big part of what I've loved about all of my favorite YA series. People taking care of and understanding each other in ways their families can't or won't and filling voids... I'm actually getting emotional just thinking about it ok moving on.

Hurt/Comfort: +10

As artsyunderstudy said: "It gives me the swoops." Yes. 100%.

Love Triangle: -10

I'm not sure I ever loved this trope, but I was ok with it. Now I think I am just generally over love triangles. The angst doesn't usually hit right and I end up feeling more annoyed with the character doing the choosing than anything.

Poly, open relationships: -3

I'm pretty sure this is my bias coming through. My introduction to the concept of open relationships was through some people that were... not... great... imo... I recently realized how much that first introduction colored my perspective and I'm trying to undo some of that. In addition, just the idea of my partner also being with other people makes me so incredibly jealous, which I know is also my own issue to work on. So I should probably actually read more fics in this area. Fics often help me work through these kinds of internal issues.

Mistaken/hidden identity: 0

I don't know if I've ever read a fic with this trope? Not feeling any particular way about it either.

Monsterfucking: +8

Oh, this is certainly new with Snowbaz. I remember a time when I was like "wow, no, absolutely not. I do not get it." And then Spadey came along...

Does this apply outside of Snowbaz? TBD. I so far haven't been interested in even Shepard's scandalous stories, so this may be Simon specific.

Pregnancy: -1

I am very confused. This is new with Snowbaz, which on it's own was a "?" moment for me. I was very unsure about mpreg at the start of this journey, but wanted to try it out and very quickly became fine with it. mpreg specifically is probably at a 0, maybe -1.

But pregnancy in general terrifies me. Not in the way where people are like scared of/grossed out by pregnant people. Other people being pregnant is fine. It just sounds so incredibly uncomfortable and painful that I'm like... no thanks? Don't really want to think about it for me. Very excited about it for you, though. But I haven't really read any non-mpreg fics, so I'm not sure where pregnancy as a whole falls... I'm going to go with like -1 because if it's not me it should be fine... maybe...

Second Chance: -9

artsyunderstudy again:

breakup angst wounds me deep ya'll. I hate thinking of them not together. I hate thinking of them thinking they are better off not together. I hate IT it makes me cry all of my tears.

But where she loves the coming back to each other, I just can't get past the breakup/betrayal/whatever it is that needs a second chance. It hurts too much to even finish.

Slowburn: +8

YES, but in the right mood. Sometimes I just need fluff and falling fast and I need it NOW. But otherwise, yes yes yes.

Soulmates: +6

I feel like I've missed out on this entirely. I can't think of any soulmate fics I've read? Or what qualifies as a soulmate fic as opposed to other fics with magical ties between people. So maybe I have read them? Idk. Sounds nice though.

I don't think I've seen anyone's posts for this game come across my dash aside from Ashton's, so if you've already done it... oops! My bad. Or consider this a last-minute Six Sentence Sunday tag: @onepintobean @thewholelemon @technetiumai @iamamythologicalcreature

[hotcupoteckla]

Whoa friends, I think we should slow our roll a little.

1. These are 14 year olds who are trying to figure out who they are, and how they tick, and how the world ticks and how they fit in the world.

2. I remember my youthful self taking quiz upon quiz upon quiz of "Which mental illness are you?", "which character are you?", etc. To try an suss all that out along with being a voracious smut fanfic reader, and dealt with finding my own sense of yuck and yum and how to interact with those things in fiction as well as /how to deal with those things in real life/

3. I'm okay with a 14 YEAR OLD thinking a 4 year age gap (particularly in real life) is a big deal. For Them & their peers, it is. It's good for them to think of it that way with their perspective, which will likely change the older they get.

4. We should guide them to think that we shouldn't cut off social relationships over someone's taste in fiction. It's fiction, it's made up, and maybe they're dealing with an issue where they need to explore this idea with an age gap, or maybe the age gap doesn't matter to them. You should definitely read it first to see where they might be coming from. There is a significant difference with finding a fictional setup appealing and seeking it out for yourself. A mental exploration is not the same as acting it out.

5. If you're shocked and terrified that you find something appealing, thinking critically about why you found it appealing and whether the text intended it to be appealing and why they might want you to find it appealing so phrased it in those words, that tone, what are they trying to say big picture: all good stuff.

A 14 year old should do LOTS of this analysis stuff. That they're trying to incorporate DSM-V to their understanding of what each thing is and how it all breaks down, also good stuff.

They haven't yet likely made the discoveries about religion and shame yet, BUT WE HAVE BEEN THERE. It's okay. They'll find their way.

Just remind them: don't forget to ask Why to each authority you find.

6. I don't know about prevs, but I found stuff I wrote when younger before: all cringe, some ignorance that I've since learned better about, etc.

As long as we encourage them on how to interact with the world at large, most of them will stop the brimstone flavors pretty quick.

Is it concerning how severe their language about it is? Yes, but they're young and have been encouraged all their lives to see the world in black and white.

They are 14, and while it might be a sign of OCD, it might also be a sign of the internet being a safe space to not have to filter your language, so it comes off a bit amplified.

Teach them how to be polite and respectful of other adults tastes and opinions.

Remind them it's fiction, it's play-pretend. It's not their job to act out 1984, Fahrenheit 451, Minority Report, insert thought-crime fiction here.

Give them some recommendations on works that they can start to understand nuance, ask questions about why their lines are so hard, get them to focus on themes and why cannibalism might be a good stand in for sex in young adult fiction.

The kids will come around, they always do.

14 year olds shipping discourse is inbreeding with itself to make the discourse equivalent of a brachycephalic bulldog at this point. They're inventing new extremely vague moral purity categories at a rate nearly equivalent to the Mormon church

* For the record btw a paraphilia by definition is just any sexual desire classed as "unusual" by the dsm, which can include anything from apparently getting horny about imagining yourself as a vampire (?) to being attracted to fictional characters, to being attracted to trans people. It's not an issue unless it has the capacity to cause real harm to yourself or others, at which point it becomes a paraphilic disorder

[hyvcklvr]

Fic Recommendations~

Hello lovely people

I said that I'll make a fic rec post and I always keep my promises....well most of the times but anyway moving on here it is, some of my absolute favourites, I hope you like it. Also I meant to upload this later but I'm impatient so that's not my fault.

Also there is a LOT of Jaehyun in this I swear the man isn't my bias BUT I'M WHIPPED I apologize.

Some of them may contain mature content.

1. Healing: Jung Jaehyun by @nctream CEO!Jaehyun x babysitter!reader, age gap, fluff, mature. This contains mature content but if you want you can skip those parts as the author has marked the start and end of the mature scenes for people who would like to skip it. This DEFINITELY has to be one of my favourites. The reader is the new babysitter for Jaehyun's daughter, and after years on not dating anyone after his divorce, Jaehyun finally finds someone he is interested in, which happens to be the reader. I love the way the author writes the scenes it makes me feel butterflies all over, seriously made me feel single. This is adorable. Literally a must-read.

2. Chances: Na Jaemin/Huang Renjun by @jenonctcity husband!Renjun x female reader ft. ex! husband!Jaemin, fluff, angst. Basically the reader falls in love with Renjun after her seperation with Jaemin, and at first Jaemin couldn't take it at well but it ends happily 💚 (I'm sorry I suck at sypnosis') Y'all already know I have some kind of a weird obsession with the ex!au, so like, um this was obvious. I have read this an unhealthy amount of times because I love it so darn much. It makes me feel sad and happy and contented in the most satisfying way ever. I still keep re-reading it from time to time, I love it sm. If you haven't read it yet, what are you even waiting for?

3. [4:16 p.m.]: Na Jaemin by @gyeomsweetgyeom collegebf!Jaemin x reader, fluff, couple fights ig?? This is kinda like a short drabble but it's so cute I love it sjsjjsjs do give it a read.

5. Sorry, I thought you were the one: Johnny Suh by @aehyei. Ex boyfriend!Johnny x female reader x husband!Jaehyun, angst, a little bit of fluff too. In which the reader is reading a letter written by her ex Johnny. I feel like this was beautifully written, and I really love reading it from time to time, its a little heartbreaking but for some reason it feels so good to read it, definitely should check it out.

6. Proposal: Jung Jaehyun by @jjpmoans. Jaehyun x reader, fluff. This one is also short but it has my whole heart, I swear it's adorable. Jaehyun is total husband material, and this one just proves it. It's a quick cute read and I suggest you definitely give it a read.

7. [10:47 p.m.]: Jung Sungchan by @dont-look-down-on-me boyfriend!Sungchan x reader, fluff. NO BCS THIS IS SO ADORABLE??? Cute reads like this melt my heart, and this is something Sungchan would definitely do. Check it out!!

8. Sleep well, Princess: Jung Jaehyun by @anashins. Brother's best friend!Jaehyun x reader (ft. Brother!Taeyong), fluff, smut. In which the reader has a crush on her brother's best friend. This contains mature scenes if it's not your thing, you can skip it. Okay but this one is just another one of my top favourites, it is absolutely the cutest thing ever. The fluff parts me feel like I'm back in those days when I was eight years old and had my first crush, it is so adorable :(( Again, a literal must-read, check it out!

9. Our Kids Talk About Us: Jung Jaehyun by @anashins single dad!Jaehyun x single mom!Reader, fluff, a little bit of angst ig. This has a part two, it's linked in the post itself! I love this sm, again one of my top faves, and I re-read it often, it's amazing. Totally adorable and guaranteed to make you feel butterflies everywhere. You should definitely check it out!

10. Blind Date: Jung Jaehyun by @luvhaos Jaehyun x reader, blind date au, fluff. This has a part two which is linked in the post itself! It's a cute, short read, really adorable and heart warming, you should check it out!

11. Storks: Na Jaemin by @writemekpop. Husband!Jaemin x reader, parents, fluff. This is so adorable sjsjsjjsjsjsjs I really like this. It's like a short drabble, but it is adorable and funny, makes me feel warm and of course, single. Give it a read, it's so worth it<3

12. [6:27 p.m.]: Dong Sicheng by @neck1ss fluff, Sicheng x reader. Just my undying love for cute, shy, guys coming out again. Sicheng is so adorable when he's shy tho????? Anyways this is cute, give it a read<3

13. 30 Seconds: Dong Sicheng by @neozworld. Fluff, crack, Sicheng x reader. Sicheng might be shy, but he has a crackhead side of him too, and this read is all about it. It's absolutely adorable and funny, 100% heartwarming. Check it out!

14. Untitled: Dong Sicheng by @smoll-tangerine fluff, a little bit of crack, coffee shop au, boyfriend!Sicheng x reader, lil' dose of jealousy. This one is so adorable, and shows that Sicheng is boyfriend material. I recommend this, totally. Read it<33

15. [9:29 p.m.]: Park Jisung by @hyunsbunny, Jisung x reader, fluff, ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE??? This is the most cutest thing I have ever read and I just feel single reading this. Short drabble, but it's so worth reading. Go ahead then<3

16. The Art of Secrets: Lee Haechan by @fullsunfluff best friend's brother!Haechan x reader, FWB, mature, fluff, crack. This contains mature scenes so if you are not comfortable, you can skip that. Overall I found this very cute and heartwarming, it was almost like I'm watching a movie, and this is probably my favourite Hyuck read, check it out!

17. Untitled: Xiao Dejun by @raibebe boyfriend!Xiaojun x gn reader, fluff. This is really cute I love this sm, makes me feel single af (as usual) but definitely give it a read<3

18. Whispers: Lee Jeno by @jenonctcity jeno x reader, fluff. This is the most unique kind of proposal I've read. It's so cute, check it out<33

19. February 14th (Voicemails): Lee Donghyuck by @dongfuck angst, fluff, ex!bf Haechan x reader, omg this is like the best thing I have ever read, it has two parts (the second part is linked in the post itself) and considering I haven't read angst+fluff fics (loml) for quite a while, this was supreme. Especially the part two and the twists I- I'm just not gonna spoil this anymore, just definitely give it a read<333

20. His Love In Her Force: Jeong Jaehyun by @anashins undercover detective!Jaehyun x ballerina!reader, fluff, smut. This contains mature scenes. This is the best thing I've read, periodt. I really haven't read anything in a while, but I was too tempted to read this, considering it's written by, obviously one of my favourite authors! And it was so worth it, I felt so many emotions at once, I don't need a life partner to make my heart flutter, THIS IS ENOUGH<3333 Definitely, give it a read<3

I'll keep adding a few to the list if I find more, till then, enjoy~

Masterlist

[seventhrounder]

I went thru my folder with old hockey magazines I had saved from around 2011 to 2015 and came across this one and thought it could be a fun to make a post about now in hindsight.

This is Jääkiekko magazine from May 2012, they always have a section of "99 questions with ..." and in this issue they interviewed Teräväinen.

I’ve translated the questions I found interesting under the cut! It ended up being about half of the interview. (*) are my additions.

On the cover "seuraava superjokeri" means the next super joker, he played for Helsingin Jokerit so it's a word play from that. Under, on the blue print it says: "The 17-year-old forward will become a first round draft pick in the summer. The natural goal scorer can dominate in SM-Liiga as soon as next season."

In the 2nd photo the headline and lead paragraph goes:

"A post with dents* - A year ago Teuvo Teräväinen was known only within a small number of hockey insiders. Few passers-by recognize him now either but after a flashy rookie season the Jokerit sensation is on the radar of every NHL team and is a strong contender to become a first round draft pick. Next season with Jokerit the talented second line center will be one of the main talking points in the SM-Liiga."

(*references the net Teräväinen had in his backyard and into which he practiced his shooting)

3. You've been described as a magician, top scorer, wunderkind and a prodigy. What do you think of these descriptions?

TT: Heh, those are some descriptions yeah. What can I really say? Don't really wanna comment on them much.

4. How nervous are you about the Draft?

TT: I try not to be nervous as best as I can. In a way I don't have anything to be nervous about since I don't care which team picks me or at what number I go.

6. Which is stressing you more, English interviews or physical tests?

TT: Maybe both. Bench press (laughs) and English interviews can be tough.

12. How far along have you planned your career with, for example, your parents or your agent?

TT: Haven't really planned things with others but I've thought about them myself. I try to go step by step and not jump too far ahead.

14. How does it feel to be so young with all the star players in Jokerit?

TT: How to say it? I haven't felt like I was young but a part of the team instead. The team's been very good with me and they haven't been looking down at me like: "oh he's young". It's been fun to play in an experienced team.

15. Is there a generational gap between players?

TT: You can see the age difference, older players look older but we're all childish, at least with our topics.

17. What does a 17-year-old do in the sauna nights of the team?

TT: I actually haven't been in any yet. I've always been at national team's camps or something.

19. Did you get the number you wanted?

TT: I did, yeah. I could've taken #18 but Semir (Ben-Amor) has it. But i'm happy with #86, it's good.

23. What are your strengths as a player?

TT: Offensive play and with that playing with the puck, passing, IQ, power play and skill, just the usual skill - skill with hands.

24. And weaknesses?

TT: They are to do with defensive play, strength and physicality. Battles and such but I think I took a step forward last season. That's a good thing.

25. Have you ever been "pressed into a mold" or has your playing style gotten to develop naturally?

TT: As a kid the play was mostly offensive/attacking, I didn't have to think about playing defence. Up until 15 years old, I got to attack pretty freely. Playing defence became more important when I started to play in A-juniors a couple seasons ago.

26. On a scale from 1 to 10 how determined are you?

TT: Maybe 8, feels like an 8.

32. What kind of role are you planning to take with Jokerit next season?

TT: I think a pretty big one. I try to be a top player and not just take others' example but give others example myself too. So that someone in the team can take something out of the way I do things on the ice and off the ice.

35. If you could pick anyone, who would be your car driver?

TT: Nico Manelius for sure. He's been my driver this season. I've had others too, like Riku Hahl but he's not nearly at the same level. Nico’s clearly the best.

36. What are the most important qualifications to be a good driver?

TT: The car is obviously important. Hahl's car is totally awful, he takes a lot of heat for it from the guys too. I wouldn't dare driving with him. Manelius is a steady performer, never lets you down.

38. What sports did you play as a 10-year-old?

TT: Hockey and floorball, probably football (soccer) during the summers at the time too.

42. When did you decide to focus only on hockey?

TT: So when I stopped playing other sports? Three years ago, before that floorball was kind of a side thing, I played a couple of games in the regular season and playoffs.

45. Do you follow floorball or other sports? Go to games?

TT: I don't go to games but I like to watch floorball on TV, it's an interesting sport. Sometimes I watch football too but I don't follow it much. Feels like they never score there.

47. Have you ever played with a wooden stick?

TT: As a kid I did play with a wooden stick.

49. You won the hockey players' golf tournament last summer even though there were more experienced players too. Are you good with all stick games?

TT: Well, I've been pretty good in all of them. I've played golf for a long time and still play it.

50. How is your swing?

TT: Pretty bold, kind of a hockey swing. I don't really care where the ball goes - as long as it goes far.

52. What do you think of off-ice training?

TT: Let's just say it's more stupid than being on the ice but you still gotta do it to be better on the ice.

56. Which word describes your professional relationship (with his coach, Tomek Valtonen), tranquil or colorful?

TT: Colorful of course. At times we're joking around, other times it's more serious but the relationship is really good.

57. Coaching you has been described in many words: good, bad, worse. What are they?

TT: Heh, well... I won't tell them here. He (Tomek) keeps the discipline during practices but sometimes when things haven't gone to a plan I've had to jump on an exercise bike in the middle of a practice.

58. What have been the reasons?

TT: I'll quote Tomek: "when I haven't been present".

59. Have you ever tried to turn the resistance of the bike to zero?

TT: (Laughs) Of course I have and sometimes I've even succeeded.

60. Describe your diet in three words?

TT: Greasy, healthy and good!

64. Your first name is not common for people your age. How did your parents come up with it?

TT: I actually don't even know. Maybe they didn't want a usual Ville*....

(*very common name for men of all ages in Finland)

66. Which of these is the most important: skill, unexpectedness or courage?

TT: Skill!

68. Your longest video game stint?

TT: Six hours, at least. I've played a lot of War of Duty lately.

72. The dumbest thing that has made you upset in hockey?

TT: Probably if I didn't get an assist on a goal even though I should have. Or even worse is if I score and they mark it down for someone else.

79. Have you had any concussions?

TT: I haven't had any, I've managed to always dodge them.*

(*ouch, tho it's good the recent one is his only as far as i remember)

84. In 2011 Team Finland finished in the 5th place at the U-18 tournament. Why only as 5th?

TT: Because we lost to Team Russia in the quarter final, just as well we could have won that game too.

89. You didn't get to be on the ice to accept the SM-Liiga bronze medal (because of the U-18's). When and where did you get it?

TT: I actually still haven't received it, I don't know where it is.

93. What is the population of Helsinki?

TT: There's like 5 million people in Finland so maybe around 500k in Helsinki? (to be exact 596k) Did i really get it right...?

94. Who's the mayor of Helsinki?

TT: I don't know, I barely know the president.

95. Do you think the municipalities in the capital city area should merge?

TT: Luckily I don't have to decide but they probably shouldn't.

96. What do you check first in the news paper?

TT: The sports section.

97. Your favorite tv show?

TT: Putous* was pretty good, I liked a lot of the characters. The grandma was pretty good.

(*Finnish live improvisation comedy/sketch show (there are still new seasons, the latest just finished). Every actor comes up with a humor character with a catchy phrase and one of them wins. "The grandma" is Marja Tyrni and I just got such flashbacks from typing this sentence.)

98. Last book you read?

TT: I don't read many books. The last book was a study book, a Finnish book. I wrote an essay on Tiki (Esa) Tikkanen's biography. An eventful book, great career and a lot of chirps.

99. Who should we ask the 99 questions next?

TT: Riku Hahl could have good stories, he's also seen a lot of the world.

[soloh]

I'm late to the party but please answer all the questions you haven't already answered for the valentines tag!

Oh boy, okay1: Do you have a crush at the moment?

I mean, I’ve been with Jon for over 3 years, so is that still considered having a crush on him or can I just say I love him and leave it at that?

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?

Yah

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?

My current one (which is a little over 3 years and 2 months currently)

4: Have you ever changed for someone?

Not like, changed my entire personality, but there are certain aspects about myself that I’ve changed/tried to change (usually negative personality traits like constantly putting myself down, or getting angry when I don’t get an instant response to a message or text)

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

Uh, was friends with one for ages, we’ve drifted now that we’re adults, and I dropped out of uni which is the last place we hung out, but we’re still on good terms, like, we messaged each other on our birthdays last year and I’ll occasionally still hear from him if random things happen that make him think about me/if he has a question that he thinks I can answer. The other one... I don’t know. I want to say we’re friends, I want to be friends, but he didn’t talk to me for the longest time. He did refollow me on here a few days ago (and I’m giggling at the thought of him reading this now) so I guess that’s a good sign? Idk, I still have so many things I want to ask, but it’s probably best that I leave those questions and just continue to try and be friends. I miss talking to him. .-.

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

Yeahp.

7: Have you ever cheated?

Nope.

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?

Maybe, I’d have to really like them to take that risk, and they’d have to be accepting of the fact that I’d be mildly paranoid until they prove they can be trusted.

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?

Trust (and communication)

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious relationships. I can’t do flings. I don’t see the point of emotionally investing so much into someone if you know that it’s not gonna last long. It’s draining to even think about.

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?

Nah. I did it once at the request of a now-ex, in hopes that he’d miss me and come crawling back and that didn’t happen and it honestly just prolonged the hurt more than if he’d just dumped me initially.

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

I told someone I loved him when I knew he didn’t love me back, and I’m pretty sure that’s what killed the relationship, but I felt like I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Goddamn 16 year old me couldn’t just bite her tongue and shut up.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

I don’t have a definitive answer for this. Legal age in NZ is 16, and that’s the age I first had sex, and I honestly feel like that’s an age where some people are ready and some aren’t. But then some people are well into adulthood and still don’t feel ready. I think an “appropriate” age in general is one where they’ve had a few years to develop both mentally and physically (so, 16/17 is good) but then we need to drill into teenagers that it doesn’t matter how “mature” they look and feel, they need to be able to decide if they’re truly ready or not, and if there is any hesitation, they’re probably not ready

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?

Absolutely not. There are age gaps/imbalances that are clearly inappropriate. Age is just a number when both people involved are adults, but not when one person involved is not an adult.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”?

Nope, just infatuation/physical attraction at first sight.

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?

Yeah.

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

The most obvious one: Abuse.

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?

I genuinely can’t answer this personally because I’ve never ended a relationship or wanted to end a relationship. I guess logically it would be if you didn’t feel attracted to the person you’re dating, or if you’re being abused.

20: Are you currently in a relationship?

Sure am

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

Yes. Like, obviously you probably wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who abused you, but if the relationship ended because feelings changed, or someone moved away, or something like that, why waste the connection and the things you have in common and share? Be friends, goddamn

22: Do you think people should date their friends?

Yeah, it makes sense. If you’re already friends then you obviously already get along with them and trust them.

23: How many relationships have you had?

Proper relationships: 3. If we’re including the silly little ones you have when you’re like 9/10 years old and all your friends freak out and talk about marriage just because you hugged: 5.

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

Well no, there are things that love obviously cannot conquer/fix/change.

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?

Depends why they didn’t approve of them.

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

Stop trying to force people to love you. The right person will love you when you’re not even expecting it.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?

Yeah, I’ve seen it happen.

29: What do you notice first about another person?

The look in their eyes (sadness, anxiety, happiness etc.)

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

That’s not the most inclusive question ever... but I do fall into one of those 4. I’m bisexual.

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

Nope. I have genuinely loved four people in my life. All of them have had some sort of mental health problem, the scale stretches from social anxiety, all the way up to Dissociative Identity Disorder. I don’t intentionally seek out people with “problems”, it just kind of happens, which I hadn’t realised until aforementioned person with DID was spilling the beans about being miserable with life and then suddenly said, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I don’t tell anyone this” hahaha

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

Yes, but I didn’t realise what I was experiencing was abuse at the time. I just thought he was a bit lacking in empathy. I was actually being invalidated and gaslighted. I’ve also been emotionally abused post-relationship (by a different person)

33: Do you want to get married one day?

Yeah, but I have to convince Jon that marriage is not, as he puts it, “capitalist bullshit” first

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?

Personally wouldn’t do it, because you never know what will happen. If they passed away while we were still together, then maybe I’d get a memorial tattoo, but I wouldn’t tattoo someone’s name on me just as a gesture of love.

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?

As long as they were okay with me uh, looking after myself, sometimes, then yeah absolutely.

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality?

Personality.

38: Do you enjoy love films?

Some of them. Others are just absurd, and I’m saying that as a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic.

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

I have received a rose once. It was adorable.

40: Have you ever had a valentine?

Yeah.

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?

I honestly don’t have one. A perfect date isn’t about what you do, it’s about who you’re with and what you talk about.

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?

Yeah, not gonna lie, I bloody love it.

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?

My partner is my best friend so I’d put him first generally.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”?

Yeah I like to think so.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

It’s really hard to imagine this because dating one of my friends would mean my current relationship had ended, but I guess if I imagine a world where that has happened, I have a couple friends that maybe I’d been interested in? Idk. It’s also weird to think about because I used to (unrequitedly) love one of my best friends but I don’t know if that would ever return just because Jon and I weren’t together. I forced myself to let go of that so long ago.

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?

Hate that term, but yes.

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?

Genuinely don’t have one because I don’t care enough about celebrities’ personal lives. And yes, I realise that sounds pretentious, but I’m not trying to be, it’s just the truth.

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Not that I know of- I’d hope that if I had they would tell me.

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are?

I’m not.

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?

Poor but a nice guy. Can’t deal with douchebags, even if they’re showering me in money.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

Not really.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?

Generally yes.

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?

It’s kind of important- I don’t believe in constantly plastering each other everywhere, especially in the long term, but I wouldn’t trust someone who didn’t at least put it on Facebook that they were dating me, because I’d be suspicious that they were either secretly embarrassed to be attracted to me, or they wanted other people to think they were single so they could cheat.

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?

Uh, yeah. #bpdlife

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship?

Not intentionally, but yes.

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

Nope. I think it’s silly to think that someone would do it just because of a broken heart, but I think a broken heart can certainly be the tipping point.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?

Submissive.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?

Nah, I even still remember all my ex’s birthdays

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?

Depends on the family member honestly haha

62: How do you define “cheating”?

Any behaviour with someone that you feel you have to hide from your partner, that you know would make them uncomfortable, organising secret meetups (even if you’re not officially calling them dates), telling other people you have feelings for them, and then the obvious things like having sex with other people when your partner isn’t okay with it because you’re not in an open/polyamorous relationship.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

Not unless your partner has expressed that they don’t like it for a legitimate reason. Personally I don’t care that my partner does, and I know he doesn’t care that I do.

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?

A little bit

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?

Yeah, love a good cuddle :3