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Forbidden Fruit.
That’s the thing about Declan - he always gets what he wants. It might be wrong… but it feels so right.
declan o’hara x female reader
warnings - smut. cursing. use of the c word. age gap. cheating. declan’s filthy mouth needs its own warning.
word count - 2.3k
authors note - that man is a munch and I cannot be convinced otherwise. my crush on aidan turner has returned tenfold and i’m about to make it everyone’s problem. read declan’s dialogue in that gorgeous irish accent of his for the full experience.
masterlist. inbox.
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You’ve fake laughed so much this afternoon that you can’t remember what your real one sounds like.
Finally breaking away from a conversation with Freddie’s wife, you swan across the garden in your sundress towards the food and drink table. You absentmindedly pick at the strawberries, hoping and praying that no one bothers you for a moment. All you need is a minute to yourself, away from all of these faux smiles and boastful exchanges.
Reaching towards a raspberry, you feel fingertips ghosting across your back quickly.
“Y’alright?”
You’d recognise that voice anywhere, of course, and not just because he’s the only Irish man in The Cotswolds.
“Bored out of my mind, actually.”
“You’d never know.”
“I’m a good actress, these days. I’ve done one too many of these stupid garden parties.”
He chuckles all genuine and honeyed, and you’d be lying if you said the sound didn’t settle warmly in your bones.
“Whatcha doing tonight?”
He’s keeping his voice low, inconspicuous. You’ve both turned so you’re looking out over the garden, backs to the table, watching the crowds of people and their gossiping. To anyone else, it looks like an innocent conversation between two acquaintances. They can’t see his hand playing with the hem of your dress behind you, or the way his fingers keep brushing the backs of your thighs, sending shivers down your spine.
“My boyfriend is coming over. You know that.”
“What time?”
You roll your eyes but answer anyway.
“Nine.”
“So what I’m hearing… is that you’re available from whenever this crap finishes until then?”
“That’s a stupid idea.”
“You usually love my stupid ideas.”
“Well maybe I’m trying to be smarter.”
He laughs with his full chest while you fight to keep the grin off your face, shaking your head.
“You’re already the smartest person here. Any smarter and we’re all doomed.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Declan.”
He pauses for a moment, pressing his side into yours and running his thumb across the soft skin of your thigh underneath your dress.
“I think we both know that’s not true, sweetheart.”
Your breath stutters as you will yourself to get it together, desperate to not repeatedly give in to his murmured promises and flirty remarks. It’s wrong. You know it is, both of you do, and yet…
“I want you gone by eight at the latest. I don’t need the two of you bumping into each other on my front step.”
He smirks like the cat that got the cream, looking down at you with lust drunk eyes.
“Good girl,” he whispers. “Promise to make it worth your while, yeah?”
“You always do,” you breathe out, so quietly that you’re surprised he hears.
He’s about to reply when you’re both startled by Rupert, striding over with the confidence of ten men and a bottle of champagne in his hand.
“Have they run out of glasses, CB?”
He slings an arm around your shoulder, laughing that rich man’s laugh right into your ear.
“Live a little, darling. Walk with me, will you? I have a story that might be worth your time, and I thought I’d bring it to my favourite journalist before anyone else.”
Rupert all but drags you across the garden, already chattering on about a scandal in the local constituency of the Conservative Party. You cast your eyes back to where Declan hasn’t moved, his gaze roving over your figure as you walk away.
He winks cheekily, dirty smirk slapped across his face.
You hate the way it sends electricity running through your veins in anticipation.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
It’s six forty five when there’s a knock on your door.
The devil himself is standing on your front step, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his broad chest.
“Hi darlin’.”
His accent is like molten honey, golden and warm and laced with sweetness. There’s mischief running through it though - as there always is.
“Come on,” you urge, grabbing his tie and pulling him inside, worried that one of your neighbours will see.
He laughs as he shuts the door behind him, unphased by your urgency.
“Thought you had a meeting. CB was telling me all about it earlier.”
“Rupert would tell you anything,” he chuckles. “He’s got a soft spot for pretty girls.”
“Sounds like someone else I know,” you giggle, undoing his tie from around his neck and hanging it on your coat rack.
“No. I have a soft spot for one pretty girl.”
“Sweet talker,” you tease as you roll your eyes, undoing the first few buttons on his shirt. “How about you put your money where your mouth is, hmm? We don’t have all night.”
He clicks his tongue, hands finding your hips to pull you against him.
“Patience, sweetheart,” he murmurs, leaning in so his lips brush yours. “Good things come to those who wait.”
“Less talking,” you scold, grabbing at his biceps to kiss him desperately.
Declan pushes you up against the wall, hips pressing into yours as he slips his tongue into your mouth. He tastes like cigarettes and whiskey and those mints he keeps in a tin in his back pocket. He scatters open mouthed kisses across your neck, licking across your skin and sucking the spot underneath your ear.
“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” he mumbles. “Ever since I saw you in this dress.”
“You like it?” you breathe, head rolling to the side to give him more access.
“I fucking love it.”
“Good. Bought it for you.”
He groans, grinding his hips into yours.
“You’re a minx,” he pants, biting at your shoulder. “You know exactly what you’re doing.”
With that, Declan wraps his arms around your middle, practically dragging you into the living room to throw you onto the sofa. He pulls your dress over your head, throwing it onto the floor with reckless abandon.
He instantly gets on his knees in front of you, spreading your legs with rough hands.
“Been waitin’ for this cunt all fuckin’ day.”
Your underwear is tugged down and discarded before you can blink, leaving you naked and high on the anticipation of it all. Your lungs are heaving, hands shaking as you will him to do something.
Declan sits back on his haunches, making a show of rolling up his sleeves. He looks so broad and commanding in his blue jeans with his shirt undone. He might be the one on his knees, but he’s definitely still in charge here.
You tangle your fingers into his dark hair and tug, pulling him closer.
“Please, Dec.”
“You sound so beautiful when ya beg.”
He grips your thighs tightly, ensuring they stay apart, as he leans in and presses kisses to any skin he can find.
“Don’t tease.”
“Or what, hmm? What are ya gonna do, sweetheart?”
“Stop it,” you chastise, head dropping back onto the cushions. “Please, baby.”
He chuckles before diving forwards, licking a stripe through your core. He wastes no time, tongue flicking over your clit like he’s done so many times before.
“Yeah,” you breathe out, fingers gripping his hair tightly. “Fuck, Declan.”
You’re convinced he enjoys this just as much as you do. He’ll eat you out for hours, never once expecting something in return - happy to feel you fall apart on his tongue again and again and again.
He knows exactly which spots will have you arching your back, how much pressure to use to have you writhing on the sofa cushions, where to put his hands to push you right over the edge. He can play you like a fiddle, observant and experienced.
His nose nudges your clit as he fucks you with his tongue, messy and wet and completely committed. The grip he has on your thighs is getting tighter and tighter, fingertips bruising your skin. You pray you’ll be able to see the marks when you look in the mirror tomorrow.
You’re teetering on the edge of your release, legs shaking and abdomen tightening. Declan can read you like a book, knowing exactly where you’re at - and taking advantage of it.
Just as you’re about to come, he pulls away and sits back, grinning like a deviant.
“No,” you’re panting. “The fuck are you doing?”
He laughs, leaning down to rest his head on your leg. He looks up at you with a gaze that’s half lust and half mischief, biting at his lip as he watches your chest heave.
“What do you want, darlin’?”
You pout at him, tears welling in your eyes.
“Come on, let me hear you say it. I want you to beg me to make you come. Tell me how you’ve been waiting for it all day, sweetheart.”
“I-Declan, I just-”
“Come on smart girl, use that big brain of yours. Why don’t you tell me all about how you think about me when you touch yourself? No - why don’t you tell me how you think about me while he fucks you?”
Your hips buck up into the air, desperate for any kind of friction. Declan laughs cruelly, wrapping his arms around your thighs again to pull you to the edge of the sofa, the strength he exerts only turning you on more.
“It’s okay,” he soothes against your core. “You don’t have to tell me. Your dripping wet cunt tells me everything I need to know, darlin.”
All you can do is moan, breathing like you’ve run a marathon. All you can see, all you can hear, all you can feel is Declan O’Hara.
“If we had the time, I’d edge you some more. Eat you out until you cried. You always look so pretty when you’re crying f’me.”
He finally takes pity on you, curling his tongue inside you as his nose repeatedly bumps against your clit. He’s practically making out with your core, saliva dripping down your thighs and onto the sofa. You can’t bring yourself to care about the mess, more focused on the older man’s mouth and the skills it possesses.
You’re whining, fingernails digging into his scalp as you grasp for something to hold onto. He’s groaning too, having just as much as fun as you are.
“Come for me, pretty girl. Show me how fucking beautiful you look.”
Your back bows off the sofa as you grind against his face, riding out your climax. Your thighs tighten around his head, desperate for him to keep going for as long as possible.
“That’s it. Atta girl. There we go.”
You’re trying to catch your breath as Declan stands up, sitting down next to you and pulling you into his side. His fingers draw patterns on your hips, absentmindedly calming you down as you nestle into him, seeking out his body heat.
You lean up and kiss him, slipping your tongue into his mouth eagerly. He tastes like you, and the realisation makes you whinge.
“Let me return the favour, please,” you whisper against his lips.
“As much as I’d love that, darlin’… we can’t.”
You quirk a brow at him in confusion, his rejection more than unusual.
“It’s twenty past eight.”
“Oh, shit,” you groan, finding your underwear and pulling them up your legs.
“I wish I could stay,” he reassures as he kisses you again sweetly. “You know I do.”
You nod, running your fingers through his sweat soaked locks to move them out of his face.
“Promise I’ll repay you next time.”
“I’ll hold ya to that.”
The phone ringing startles you both, your heart jumping in your chest. You pick it up quickly, wrapping the cord around your finger.
“Hello? How are you? Ah, good. Yes, fine. Alright, I’ll see you then. Yes, see you soon. Mhmm… I can’t wait either.”
You put it down just as quickly as you picked it up, finding your dress from the floor and pulling it over your head.
“That was Patrick. He’s at the train station, about to start the drive back here. He won’t be long.”
“I best get going then,” Declan says as he buttons up his shirt. “Don’t need a family reunion in your living room now, do we?”
You shake your head, scoffing at his attempt at a joke. Walking him to the front door, you press his tie from the coat rack into his hand so he doesn’t forget it.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, won’t I? You’re coming for lunch at the house?”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” you say as you lean up to kiss him, sighing at the taste of his lips. “I’ll wear that lacy white lingerie under my dress just for you.”
“Great,” he groans. “Now I have to think about my son seeing that on you when it should be me.”
“You might,” you tease, smoothing out his shirt. “There’s a lot of rooms in that house, Declan.”
“You’re a minx.”
He kisses you once more, big hands cradling your face as he pulls you in.
“See ya tomorrow, sweetheart.”
“Yes, you will.”
You watch him go from your front step, making sure no one sees him leave. As soon as he’s out of sight, you’re shutting the door, trying to tidy the living room frantically. You open the windows, lighting a candle and picking up everything that was knocked to the floor in the lust filled frenzy. You’re covering your tracks as best you can, just like you’ve done countless times before.
You don’t need Patrick asking why the room smells like his dad’s aftershave.
You don’t need Patrick asking questions at all.
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a little gift for you, as promised…
@do-it-for-kicks @whytheylosttheirminds @laverna-fanfictions @graceflorence
and of course, if you enjoyed this - throw me a little reblog if you so wish… help a girl out… <3
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luxcuriousao3 · 2 days ago
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I've been messing around lately, writing Ghost in different ways to see which rings most true to his character (in my opinion). I wouldn't say that it does ring true for me in this one (then again this one did spawn from my stalker!Ghost thots, tho this fic isn't part of that universe), but I decided to post it anyway. So this little ficlet, despite being xReader, is more of a Ghost character study than anything else. This characterization is definitely experimental, and leans into the "Ghost and Simon are separate personalities" headcanon. No smut, but still NSFW.
Ghost x general's daughter!Reader
You were the daughter of some aging General, a balding, pot-bellied man on his way out, an honorable discharge in his near future. You’d come to visit him on the base, a tray of gooey brownies held firmly in your hands, two hot cocoas balanced on top, and a visitor’s badge pinned to your chest.
Initially, Ghost hadn’t taken much notice of you. Pretty thing, would be easy to kill, was his first impression. A casual, fleeting thought that he paid no attention to but made Simon shudder. There had been a time that when Ghost was in control, Simon was entirely unaware. He would come to and hours could have passed, sometimes days, or, on one particularly grueling campaign, even weeks. It was how he knew there was something evil lurking inside him. But in the desert, all was revealed, and Simon and Ghost were irrevocably tangled up in one another, the same but not, like two different sides of a single coin.
It wasn’t until you walked straight into his firm, broad chest and spilled the scaldingly hot drinks on him that he really noticed you.
Clumsy fuckin’ bird, Ghost thought angrily as he grunted in pain. Should break your bloody wings.
“Oh my God, I am so sorry!” You chirped, looking up at him with wide, apologetic eyes. He waited for you to flinch and look away when you saw his mask, but you didn’t. You just shifted your tray of brownies to one hand, the other fluttering uselessly over his soaking wet chest for a few seconds, before you grabbed the hem of your dress in a panic and lifted it up to try and dry him off with it.
Your dress was long, long enough to keep you from flashing him entirely, but he still caught an eyeful of your legs, even a glimpse of your plush thighs. At least until you realized what you were doing and dropped your dress again with a squeak of embarrassment, cheeks reddening.
“I’m so sorry,” you repeated earnestly, as Ghost stared down at you in bemusement. It wasn’t often he was shocked by someone’s behavior, but you were just so odd. It was, admittedly, amusing. Watching you squawk and try to smooth your ruffled feathers was like watching someone who’d tried to kill him choke on their own blood. Entertaining. Satisfying. Vaguely erotic.
“Are you okay?” You finally remembered to ask, reaching out to touch him again, as if to check him over. Ghost’s hands shot up, one wrapping around your wrist in a firm grip, the other moving to stop your dessert tray—which was tilting dangerously—from falling. He could feel your pulse thrumming beneath his finger tips, and the warmth of your skin seeped through his glove.
“M’fine,” he said shortly, voice deep and grumbly but not as hostile as usual. Simon’s influence, no doubt. Ghost almost rolled his eyes. His other half always banged on and on about treating ladies with proper respect. Ghost wasn’t particularly interested in sex with other people, preferring to fuck his own fist if the urge grew too great to ignore, but he thought about bending you over right here in this hallway and bullying Simon’s big cock into you, just to spite him.
“Oh! Thank you,” you said with a charming smile, entirely ignorant to the image he’d conjured up of you. One he found himself enjoying more than he’d thought he would. “I really am sorry,” you said for the third time, like a parrot echoing itself. Little bird indeed. “I’m such a klutz. Except for when I’m dancing. Then I’ve got at least a modicum of grace.”
Beneath his mask, Ghost raised a brow. Had he mistakenly given off the impression that he cared?
His silence was pointed, and you flushed deeper. You pushed the tray of brownies towards him, seemingly unphased by the grip he still had on it and your wrist. He let go.
“Go ahead, take it,” you said encouragingly, holding out the treat insistently. “It’s the least I can do to make up for ruining your shirt… I can always make more for Daddy another day.”
Simon’s cock twitched, and this time the dirty thoughts in their head were entirely his. Though Ghost could admit the thought of you calling him Daddy in that sweet little voice of yours, all innocent and sincere, was appealing. Perhaps there was something attractive about fucking another person after all.
“Don’t want any,” Ghost answered after a moment, and your face fell. But instead of taking his words for the dismissal they were, you perked back up and continued talking.
“Do you not like brownies? I can make you something else and come back tomorrow,” you offered, for some unknowable reason. Both Simon and Ghost were astounded the conversation had lasted this long, and worse yet, showed no signs of ending. “I can make lemon bars, white chocolate truffles, pudding, anything you’d like.. But nothing too fancy.” You giggled. No one had ever giggled in Ghost’s presence before. “I’m no professional baker. I just do it when the mood strikes, or when Daddy is craving something sugary. He’s the one who taught me to bake. Oh! Do you have any allergies? Nuts, gluten, anything? I don’t want to poison you…”
And on and on you went, rambling like Ghost was actually listening to you. Except that he was. Perhaps it was cruel curiosity, wanting to see how long you’d carry on making a fool of yourself. Or maybe it was Simon pitying you for the nerves in your voice, not wanting to interrupt you and make you more anxious. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that you were showing Ghost more kindness than he had ever received in his life.
Simon had experienced the joys of living, of companionship and love. Ghost had not, though he’d seen it all through their eyes. He hadn’t really thought that he was missing out on anything.
But now, with a lovely little dove like you offering to bake for him—not Simon, but Ghost—he thought he maybe he was, if just a tad. Especially if your pussy tasted as sweet as your baked goods smelled.
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dunmeshistash · 2 days ago
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Greetings, Mr. Meshi!
This is perhaps a bit of an unorthodox question, but one that has been bothering me for an unreasonable amount of time.
Now, here's the thing: I OBSESS over Marcille outliving everyone she holds dear. It's a theme very close to me, but even beyond that I just find it to be one of the most interesting elements of Dungeon Meshi's story for me personally. I've written an embarrassing amount of lengthy essays on it that will never see the light of day - that's how obsessed I am over this specific element of her character. But, there's something that bothers me...
A lot of poignant stories and artworks that tackle this topic get comments on 'em whenever Falin is the subject of aging, each one some variation of "Everything points to Falin having an extended lifespan after her revival!" which... Seems weird to me?
I don't know why this bothers me so much, but setting aside my personal annoyances, I don't remember anything pointing to this at all. At least, nothing concrete.
I don't know if this is a question you'd want to answer or not, but since your blog is a hub for all sorts of opinions and headcanons, I'd love to know where this line of thought could originate from.
I really wouldn't blame you if you didn't answer this question, though. Part of me feels I'm just asking this because I want to see if others share in my confusion or not.
Rrrregardless, though! Lemme take the opportunity to say that your blog is delighful. Love it! Also, that mushroom man with the funny face that sometimes responds to you with lengthy essays is also really cool. Everyone is cool. At least here on the northern hemisphere! It is smack dab in the middle of fall, after all! Coolness all around! Stay frosty! Or don't! Maybe warm up at a fireplace. I don't know!
Hi there! Thank you for the kind words, I love reading other's opinions on what I post so I also love the additions by the mushroom <3
It's quite hot over here in northeast Brazil, send some coolness my way please I'm dying.
Your question isn't strange at all! And I don't mind answering anything (unless it's rude or sounds like shipping war bait) so don't worry.
(Decided to put the rest under a readmore, TLDR: Kui said "maybe so, right?" about Falin having a longer lifespan but I have arguments why I don't think this actually confirms it. Anyway if you're someone who likes the headcanon you might want to skip this post)
To be honest those type of comments bother me too because I also LOVE Marcille's struggle with mortality and sometimes "Falin will live much longer!" feels undermining of the lesson she had to learn. I don't mind it in the headcanon sphere where everything is allowed and happy endings grow on trees but when it becomes intertwined with canon it starts to make me a little disappointed.
Just a reminder of the lesson she has to learn
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She has to come to terms with the cycle of life and death, that something she wants (everyone to live longer) shouldn't be forced upon others just because it causes her grief. So, to me at least, Falin being made into something that will end up outliving other tallmen would undermine the message? In a canon sense ofc, if you're writing a wish fulfillment story then her living longer would have a different meaning, I just wanna be clear I have nothing against it in that sense, it all depends on what story you're trying to tell.
Anyway, actually answering your question that idea comes from the fact she was fused to a Red Dragon, and the fact her body has been affected by it, her sight was fixed and she grows feathers for example, so people theorize maybe her lifespan has been affected too. But we don't really know how long dragon's live so it's hard to say how much it would have been affected if at all.
It also comes from this answer Kui gave in a QnA
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Q: Would Falin have an extended lifespan after the whole chimera thing? A: Maybe so, right?
To me this reads as the usual non-answers Kui gives, like, "I'll leave it up to your imagination" but for other people this read as a confirmation of the headcanon, in another questions she answers "I hope so" about Thistle leading a happy life after having his desires eaten and it's even debatable if Thistle survived at all so I don't think those comments indicate much of canon (I'm that way about most QnA answers tbh, unless it's something inconsequential like confirming Mithrun's Brother's name or stuff about very minor characters)
Another argument I have against her having a different lifespan is Izutsumi, Izu has been mixed with a monster but continues to age at the same rate a Tallmen would, even tho she also has different biology because of the Great Cat she's fused with (ears, reflexes, eyes etc etc) she is still a tallman
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Falin isn't really the same thing as Izutsumi tho, I understand, but it's the closest example we have, if we believe the AB descriptions and demi-humans are really mixes between humans and monsters that's also another argument about it not affecting lifespan, since all of them are short lived and have an average lifespan of 55.
All of this *can* be dissmissed tho, the other demi-humans and beastmen are all mixed with mammal monsters and nothing nearly as powerful as a Dragon, so there is arguments to be made that Falin is different and that she *might* have an extended lifespan, all I'm saying is that there's no solid confirmation of it, it's fine to believe it but going around "correcting" other people saying it's a fact wouldn't be right I don't think, especially if you're saying that in a conversation about Marcille journey of death acceptance.
Death is a touchy subject and everyone is at different stages of their own journeys with it so I really don't want to judge those who would rather have Falin or even Laios live longer. I'm not really sure how to talk about this in the proper way, but I hope I didn't make anyone upset!
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otomehoneyybearr · 3 days ago
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Kagari Amagase
Things I can Only Do With You at Night: Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Card
When I had finally started getting used to life in Kogyoku, where I’d come for a bookstore restock trip—
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Child 1: "Yaaah— Whoa!?"
Kagari: "Too much wasted movement."
Child 2: "You’re wide open— Ugh!"
Kagari: "The one with an opening is you."
Child 3: "Got you— Gah!?"
Kagari: "Your grip is too weak."
(Wow… he’s merciless.)
At a dojo in the neighboring town, Prince Kagari was giving the children a lesson in swordsmanship.
The kids charged at him all at once, swinging their bamboo swords, but Prince Kagari dodged them with ease, his expression unwavering.
He blocked an attack from behind without even looking, sweeping the child’s legs out from under them, and used his hands to grab the hilt of their sword to throw
It was almost like a game, as one after another, the children rolled across the floor.
(He's even being mindful to make sure they don't bump into each other... It's like he has eyes on the back of his head.) ●●●●●● Flashback ●●●●●●
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Kagari: “Well, fancy seeing you here, princess. Out on your own?"
Kagari: "Me? I’m on my way to teach swordsmanship to the kids at the dojo."
Kagari: "……Want to come along?"
●●●●●● Flashback End ●●●●●●
(I guess it was good thing I decided to take a walk around the town.)
Despite the intense training, the children didn’t seem to lose their motivation. In fact, their determination seemed to grow stronger.
I couldn't take my eyes off Prince Kagari, admiring how his guidance drew such spirit out of them.
After the training session ended, Prince Kagari sat cross-legged next to me, his face as composed as ever.
Emma: "Great work. Would you like some water?"
Kagari: "No, I’m fine. I was just playing with kittens, after all."
(He dealt with a dozen kids at once and calls it playing… He really is amazing.)
Kagari: "You were watching pretty intently. Was the training that unusual?"
As Prince Kagari propped his chin on his hand, looking at me, I nodded in response.
Emma: "It’s my first time seeing something like that up close. In my country, it’s rare for so many children to be trained in swordsmanship."
Kagari: "Is that so? Here in Kogyoku, there are kendo dojos in every town, so there are plenty of opportunities to learn."
Kagari: "Children are taught to wield a sword and protect themselves from a young age. You could call it a compulsory skill."
(In a war-torn country like Kogyoku, it's commonplace for everyone to carry weapons, regardless of age or gender...)
The children who had been practicing earlier were now running around the dojo, laughing and playing.
(For those kids, dedicating themselves to sword training is not just about pursuing their dreams of becoming warriors,) (But also about protecting themselves and their loved ones from the dangers that threaten their lives.)
Learning this through today’s session, I felt my chest tighten as I reflected on the differences between this country and the one I grew up in.
Emma: "Do you often teach the children, Prince Kagari?"
Kagari: "I usually leave it to my subordinates, but I teach whenever I can make time."
(That makes sense. Prince Kagari is the commander of his unit and a key figure in this region’s defense. It must be hard to find time for things like this.)
I felt lucky to have seen Prince Kagari teaching the children today.
At that moment, several children came over, their eyes sparkling with curiosity.
Child 1: "Teacher, is she your girlfriend?"
Kagari: "No."
Child 2: "Aww, really? You've never brought a woman with you before, so we thought maybe—"
Child 3: "I told you! Teacher only cares about dorayaki and swords!"
Child 2: "Are you seriously planning to stay single forever, Teacher? Or are you marrying a dorayaki?"
Kagari: "Most people die alone anyway. It’s best to remember that."
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Kagari: "You all seem to have a lot of energy. Want to go for another set of practice? I’d be happy to oblige."
Children: "Noooo! Teacher, you’re a demon!"
Kagari: "Before that, shouldn’t you greet our guest first?"
Children: "Hello!"
Emma: "H-hello."
Kagari: "Good. Never forget to greet others, no matter the situation."
Children: "Okay!"
(The must feel comfortable around him to speak so freely like this.)
(Still… being mistaken for Prince Kagari’s girlfriend…)
I couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed at the misunderstanding.
Child 2: "If she’s not your girlfriend, then why’d you bring her here?"
Kagari: "She seemed interested in joining the training, so I invited her."
Emma: "Was that it?"
Kagari: "Yeah.
Kagari: You’re easy to read. That’s something I’ve learned about you."
(Prince Kagari notices everything... It's kind of intimidating but also reassuring.)
Trying to hide a growing smile, I casually covered my mouth with my hand.
Child 1: "Aww, if you were his girlfriend, we could have teased you two during the festival."
Emma: "A festival? There’s a festival happening?"
(Now that they mention it… the streets have felt livelier over the past few days.)
Kagari: "You didn’t know? This town is holding a festival soon."
Kagari: "It’s not a huge one, but there will be fireworks."
Emma: "Really? I’ve never been to a festival in Kogyoku before."
Kagari: "…Is that so? This will be your first, then."
Child 1: "Hey, hey! My family runs a sweets shop, and we’re putting up a stall at the festival!"
Child 3: "The sakura manju are the best. The skin is so chewy, and they taste amazing!"
Child 1: "We’re working super hard to prepare, so Teacher, you and the lady should come check it out!"
Emma: "Sure, I’ll definitely come!"
Child 1: "Yes! One more customer secured!"
Though I agreed in the moment, I was already filled with excitement at the idea of going to the festival. My mind began to fill with images of colorful food stalls lined up in the streets.
(The owner said there would be stalls here that can’t be found in Rhodolite.)
(I hope I’ll be able to see and experience everything during my first foreign festival.)
As I let my imagination run wild like a child, I felt a steady gaze from beside me, sharp yet unreadable.
Emma: "Um… Is something wrong, Prince Kagari?"
Kagari: "No, nothing."
(He says that, but why won’t he look away?)
(Come to think of it… I wonder if Prince Kagari plans to go to the festival.)
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Kagari: "…"
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Kagari: "………"
Emma: "……..……"
(……This is so unsettling.)
After the children had left, I left the dojo with Prince Kagari.
As the sound of our footsteps echoed in the quiet hallway as we walked side by side, I felt his gaze constantly fixed on me.
(Maybe he wants to say something… Hmm, but I can’t figure out what it could be.)
Kagari: "Princess."
Emma: "Ah! Y-Yes? What is it?"
He suddenly leaned in closer, his sharp features coming near, and I reflexively leaned back.
Kagari: "Among all the regions in Kogyoku, my territory is relatively the safest. It even attracts a fair number of tourists."
Kagari: "Even if this festival is small in scale, it has more liveliness and entertainment than festivals in other territories."
Emma: "I see. That makes me even more excited for the day to come."
(…Why is he suddenly promoting the festival?)
Kagari: "But for someone coming from another country with no familiarity with the area, it might be hard to fully enjoy the festival."
Kagari: "So, that's why—"
(Could this be… No way…)
A different kind of anticipation stirred in my chest, making me unusually nervous.
With a composed yet serious demeanor, Prince Kagari fixed his gaze on me and—
Next
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cicaklah · 18 hours ago
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get ready for my thoughts on yaoi UBI
So I’ve kvetched about UBI in the tags for long enough someone finally asked me what I was going on about so here we go! 
I will start with some caveats: 
I am British, and so I can only speak about the British specifics.
I have for the past twelve years worked as a professional health economist, and health economics is based on social welfare theory (specifically growing out of Arrow’s work in the 1960s and Sen’s work in the 80s/90s). I literally could talk forever about this, but I won’t. If you want to know more, read the pretty good wikipedia article on welfare economics.
But fundamental to welfare economics is two things: if we make a great big change, do the benefits outweigh the costs? And does the change make a fundamental change for good? (aka cost-benefit analysis and pareto efficiency).
The other thing you need to know about me is that I don’t like activists very much, because they never have to show their working, and my entire professional life is showing my working, and critiquing other people’s working. We all have ideas mate, show me the plan! I love a plan! and this isn't coming from anything but personal experience; I have been to talks by UBI activists before, including ones by economists, but I have never had the case made to me that UBI would be either cost-beneficial OR approach pareto efficient. In fact, it usually reminds me of arguments that are based on some other imaginary world, and then I get so annoyed I want to scream. 
In the early 2010s when I was first starting working as an economist, I was asked to build a model to see whether switching a disability benefit from government administered to individual administration would be cost-effective. Essentially, if you were newly in a wheelchair and you needed a ramp building up to your house, would it be better for the government to organise a contractor, or for you to be given a cash transfer and organise it yourself? The answer was that it wasn’t, but anyone who has ever had to hire a builder could have told you that, and the government didn’t have to pay my firm £30,000 to make that decision. But that is what UBI essentially is; a cash transfer where you get cash and the government gets to enjoy less responsibility.
There are 37.5 million people of working age in England. (Nearly) every single working person gets what's called a tax free allowance, where the government doesn’t claim income tax on the first £12,570. (Once you make over £120k, your allowance starts to decrease, and you lose it entirely at I think £150k)
Let’s assume that instead of just not claiming tax on this amount, the government switched to making that £12,570 your UBI. That is £471,375,000,000 just for England - just under half a trillion pounds. In cash, or nearest as in our modern economy. And not one off - Every year. 
Okay, let's say that the country does have a spare half a trillion a year (in cash) lying around. What is the benefit to switching from tax free allowance to UBI? Well, let's assume that no one stops working, so there would be the tax receipts from the 20% income tax on the £12,570, and that’s just a shade under £100 million. Not bad.
But if you’ve seen a UBI post, you will know that people like the idea because they will be able to work less. Which probably means that UBI will need to be paid for in some other way. Perhaps by cutting existing benefits. The universal credit cost is around £100 billion. So we’re still £300 billion short, and honestly, you wouldn’t cut all of universal credit anyway, probably only the unemployment benefits, but I’m not digging into the maths on that tonight. 
But, look, I am sympathetic. I am a welfarist. I genuinely believe that the economy is not just money, that welfare is happiness, it is utility, it is all the stuff that makes life worth living, and it is the responsibility of the government to maximise the welfare/happiness/utility/quality of life of the country through efficient use of taxation and other sources of money. So people give the government money and it spends it on goods and services and then people get utility, and then they spend their own money to get more utility, and ultimately we can gain intangible things that are incredibly valuable. 
But the problem is that cash is cash, cold and hard and very real. I don’t know how unlimited spare time translates into half a trillion real pound coins. I wouldn’t know how to build a model that complex and uncertain, especially as this all assumes that you can live on 12k a year, and that whatever replaces progressive taxation is equally progressive. I haven’t even touched on how having a convoluted welfare state insures it somewhat against being entirely destroyed after a change in political opinions, aka what I call the daily mail test. You think the narrative about people on welfare is bad now? But also, how would you deal with people who didn’t manage their UBI money well? What happens if there is a personal crisis?
The more I look at it, the more the existing system is actually remarkably good value for money. Individualism is expensive. Collective decision making and spending is just cheaper. 
Ultimately I don’t see the additional benefit of UBI, requiring a pie in the sky change, when it is far, far, far more cost effective to strengthen the existing regime across the board; taxation law, social safety net, childcare, working laws, education and health - all systems that are already in place, and have a thousand times higher likelihood to be pareto optimal and cost effective than trying to find half a trillion pounds of cash round the back of the sofa, while torching 150 years of progress so middle class people can write their book without having to have a job. If I was conspiracy minded I would say that UBI feels like a psy-op, trying to shut down old fashioned progress in favour of ripping it all out and starting again.
Ultimately, that is my real annoyance. It is far, far, far cheaper for the government to provide you with your new ramp for your house, and that is done through politics, but not fun moonshot politics, the hard shit that isn’t sexy.
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lucifermorningstxr · 2 days ago
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Lucifer smiled into his glass as he took his own sip. Setting it down, he folded his hands and listened to what Chloe had to say. What she said was really meaningful, especially after everything that has happened. From the start, all he'd wanted was to protect the Detective. He'd done things he had never thought possible of himself, terribly selfless and kind actions, dangerous and stupid ones outside of his usual purview too, all in the name of Chloe's best interest. To hear her articulate that she understood him and would come to him whenever she needed him was so impactful. He nodded and replied in kind. "I'll always be here for you, Detective. I promise you that." With a couple bites of him own greasy goodness, he set it back down, folded the napkin in his hands, and took a deep breath. "Right. Why not just start at the beginning, then? Well, the beginning of... all of this."
He took another bite of his burger, waiting to swallow before he began his true tale, starting 'the beginning of all of this.' Not the beginning of time, nor his fall and all that, but as it pertains to the predicament the partners find themselves in now. "Right, so I'm sure you've heard the age-old story. You know, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, happy and pure as can be, until mischievous, evil little me came along and tempted her with the proverbial forbidden fruit." He flicks his wrist to indicate redundancy. "But nobody's ever heard my side of it. Not that..." Lucifer pauses for a moment, taking just a brief second to acquaint himself and remember that he's safe here with Chloe. "Not that I think it's a particularly thrilling story, nor does it paint me in the best light. It's not the worst light either..." A tiny smirk to boot with the little ego saver in there, but he is Lucifer, after all. "Anyway, I wish more people knew the truth. Eve isn't who legend has painted her out to be, Detective. As you know from knowing me, sometimes legend gets it wrong. One might even say... backwards." He picks up his wine glass in pause, giving the woman opposite a moment to process everything he had laid out so far.
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Lucifer made himself at home on the cushion, resisting the glass of wine calling his name until his partner arrived with the food to match. Just being in proximity to Chloe, as vulnerable as it made him, made him happier than anything he could remember. They just clicked. If there was anyone he'd want by his side, or rather across from him, to help him work through whatever ramifications the prophecy held, he was grateful it was her. As she situated herself across from him, his gaze focused once more on her as she spoke to everything he'd been feeling. Not a Jedi, it was always reassuring to know that the vulnerability didn't affect his other keen senses. He smiled softly and nodded. "I know it won't be easy, Detective. I know some things might even scare you, but I've never been anything but honest with you, and that won't change tonight. Thank you for having me, for this, Detective." He picked up his wine glass to toast her across the table. "Cheers to not only our partnership, but our friendship, Detective."
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jujus-bizarre-blog · 1 day ago
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SOC and CK allegories for the queer characters (and other thoughts)
I was going to make a separate blog to yell about books but I decided to do it here.
I AM NOT DONE CROOKED KINGDOM AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS SO EVERYTHING I SAY IS HAVING ONLY READ HALF THE BOOK SO FAR.
The Grishaverse doesn't seem to have any form of homophobia, but SOC and CK are chalk fulllllllll of what I can only see as plots that mimic queer experiences for the queer characters in the main group.
We have four queer characters (that I know of at the moment): Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Kuwei.
So let's start with the obvious, three of the four are Grisha. Obviously not all Grisha are queer, but all the Grisha in the party are. This gives them an automatic plotline of "hide who you are".
It could be said that since Nina is Ravkan she wasn't raised that way, and no, she wasn't. However since leaving Ravka she has been forced to hide for her safety, and not only that but she is frequently told she's "too much" which sounds a lot to me like what some people say about queer people when they think queer people should be less queer. Also Matthias is all about being "traditional" and "proper" and Nina's whole thing is that she is neither. Traditional and proper sound a lottttt like some people's arguments to be homophobic.
Jesper's I think is rather obvious. His father has a clear concern for his son being Grisha since it can put your life at risk. In Jesper's argument with his dad he goes off and asks his dad why did he never let him go to Ravka where he could be himself and learn about himself and his powers. Oh not to mention the fact that him and his dad talk around him being Grisha like it's some sort of virus that can be caught by simply speaking the word.
Kuwei's took a second to hit me but when it did I was like "ah yep, makes sense" and this is probably because it took me a hot second to realize Kuwei was queer. Yeah, apparently him being jealous that Jesper only looked at Wylan a certain way didn't tip me off... ANYWAY THOUGH. Kuwei is also told to hide who he is, but his dad goes the extra length of literally making a drug to help him hide himself. Is it giving anyone else Dorian's dad from Dragon Age vibes??? Blood magic for the gay son???
FINALLY, I will talk about my baby, the character I love more than anything else. Wylan. Here's the thing about Wylan, while I was reading SOC I wasn't sure if homophobia existed in this world yet and I was half convinced that his dad disowned him because gay. While his dad obviously didn't do that, I still think at the end of the day it portrays an experience that is very similar. Wylan is shamed, hidden, and ultimately his dad tries to have him killed, all because he can't read. His dad loathes him over such a stupid reason, especially since Wylan is absolutely brilliant at tons of stuff and the cutest lil guy. But I think it's that hatred of his son over something so trivial that really lends itself to being about something else entirely, Wylan being queer.
All four of our queer characters in the main group have different plots, but ultimately they all circle around the idea of hiding who you are and being ashamed of who you are. That sounds like a very common queer experience if you ask me.
I don't know if this was intentional or just a huge coincidence. As a writer myself I am all too aware of how easily accidental metaphors and symbols can happen. But I think about it a lot as I'm reading so I wanted to shout about it either way. I also have no clue if this is a common idea or not, I just know when I pointed it out to my friends who had read the books prior, one of who loves and reads them yearly, they both kinda went "oh damn, you right," but didn't see it before I mentioned it.
Anyway, if I missed things (or you wanna yell at me about how wrong I am, which is usually the more likely option) I'd love to know thoughts :)
AND BONUS THOUGHTS
This one is super obvious but I just wanna say it. Jesper is ADHD and no one will change my mind in the history of ever. This man cannot sit still, has been described as having limitless energy, and he seeks constant immediate gratification in the form of gambling and adrenalin rushes. COME ON MAN. I know I know, there's a lore reason, something something Grisha not using magic blah blah. No. No. He is ADHD and you cannot tell me otherwise. And I love him dearly.
Also, not a theory or anything but, y'all, I love Wylan so much. I just wanna give him a hug and a lollipop and tell him it's okay. He's so cute.
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bmpmp3 · 5 months ago
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finding out ur coworker is way older than you thought and having to very quickly reorient how you talk to them
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#synthv#synthesizer v#genbu#kasane teto#rikka is also here :) i think she likes to cause problems sometimes. because all the adults in her life are dweebs#and very easy to cause problems with <3#anyone else have this happen before. im older than a lot of my university peers and i always have been#because i took 5 years in highschool and my undergrad has been like 6 years and counting#(hashtag learning disability <3 ) and like thats chill to me i dont mind#but now i usually assume everyones way younger than me and i get shocked when theyre not. a buddy in some of my classes#when i first met her i absolutely and completely assumed she was like barely 19 and talked to her as such#like i dont talk down to people or anything but i do soften the way i talk a bit and give a bit extra patience with younger peers#cause yknow. i remember what it was like being 19. being 26 is WAY easier lol so i wanna give em a bit of leeway yknow#anyway a few months after meeting her i found out she was actually a year older than me and a grad student when she ended up as a TA in#another class i took. i felt so bad. we bonded tho and she didnt mind she thought it was kinda funny when i was like WAIT UR A GRAD STUDENT#i thought she was like a first or second year undergrad..............#also yeah im a 31yo teto fan. i dont mind the popular fanon that she has a separate age that makes her actually 15 and#i dont mind that more interpretations have her like that BUT for my internal canon she is a grown ass woman because i think its fun <3#she pays taxes. she goes to work parties. she can rent a car. i love it#let teto rent a car. let her rent a car.#yknow im exicted to be 31. i still got a few more years of being a 20 something which is fun. but being a 30 something sounds like it rules
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unironicallycringe · 1 year ago
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I know everyone on Tumblr and Twitter regards people who are 25+ or god-forbid 30+ to be in fandom for nefarious purposes only and should be doing adult things like having a shitty 9-5 office job and then getting home and staring at a beige wall.
I'm here to tell you that my experience being 30 is largely unchanged from being 20, except I now have better communication and empathy skills from years of therapy and also from gazing into the void. Also I have more bills and stress, which means I value my time being able to enjoy a hobby like playing with metaphorical Barbie dolls.
Also, I can offer you such gems of lived-experience advice like "you may have a quarter-life crisis in your twenties as adulthood comes stampeding over you, it will suck absolute ass but you are not alone and you can do this."
Anyways shout-out to the age range who are not-elders-but-regarded-as-such-online-for-some-reason. I met a 60+ person playing my cool new gardening sim game and he's legit af. I am baby compared to that guy and he's still vibing. You're allowed to be part of online communities at any age as long as you respect the people around you.
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im14andivebeen14foramonth · 22 days ago
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the utter joy I just felt at remembering I have a whole bag of candy from trick or treating oh my god
genuine question tho that this just made me think of, do any of you still go trick or treating?
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vinelark · 5 months ago
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It's not just you! They borked my bookmarks too :(((
MAN. thankfully there’s a fix! but wow…poor tim, not even ao3 lets him stick to one identity
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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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derpinette · 9 months ago
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i have a weird relationship with weight because i hated eating more than anything the moment i was ready for solids ( i hate chewing with my entire life always have & will ) which made me underweight for most of my life ( to this day ) & during late primary-middle school this made me actively suicidal because i felt like something was wrong with my sex because i just was not developing whatsoever prompting me to have a years long phase of trying to gain weight in any way i could ( #EPICFAIL by the way ) & i was already insecure but i felt seriously so unforgivably ugly after bullying not just at school but by adults of my entourage. but then i did in my late 15s which prompted the pendulum to swing in the other direction & suddenly i FREAKED OUT & thought well being skinny is pretty much all i have & know myself to be & clearly it is not going to last forever so i Better preserve it i was delusional about how skinny i thought i was actually i look stumpy & weird i have to prove myself. But now i am normal again kind of
#also i used to get beaten to finish my food nearly daily & it would take me forever to do that like literally hours with no exaggeration#just made me hate eating even more. now my technique is eating as fast as possible before i even realize how overwhelming#the sensory experience is & i can just be done with it VS the pain&dread of eating slowly -> disgust of Everything+hyperawareness#eating tightens my muscles like i hate it so fucking much catching the food putting it in my mouth CHEWING swallowing#what a damn chore#so i always liked cheese it was my “safe food” pretty much the only thing i liked#i even hated the foods autists usually like like fries & fried chicken meatballs ETC. HATED.#i was/am more of a soup & turning all my food into varieties of Slop kind of girl nothing hard for me please...#i experienced middle school during the like ♯Thick era of the world which was honestly a good thing like for The Populace#but i felt like killing myself because i felt like an unforgivable fugly genetic failure & people did not hesitate to let me know#anyway either way i would be unhappy caus if i did gain weight during puberty i would have a meltdown about all the Changes#so i feel content for the time being about only losing the fat in my face & getting age appropriate wrinkles really#trying to enjoy the privilege of thinness while i have it because it will not last forever 0_0 but that should not matter anyway...#the privilege of thinness: being way uglier than others & constantly looking like a gibbon dying of disease + no energy or strength ever#JK people are much MUCH nicer to thin people & they do things for me on account of looking physically incapable so um yay i guess#light at the end of the tunnel that is very significant in the grand scheme of things socially. ♯CountingMyBlessings#also i was raised on ♯HAES tumblr from 2014-2018 i truly believed in that & was so damn envious i was not curvy & beautiful LOL#so i never hated overweight people really i think for the most part the SJW tumblr values stuck with me#but now i know it depends on your base frame & genetics & there is no guarantee to what you choose to do (naturally) acceptance is peace#sorry for the gigantic Arse post i just needed to get that off my chest for a long time. not on here specifically just in general#oh & i am a ♯Grignoteuse but grignoter (grazing) is different from eating in my mind&body#& my insecurity was not a result of wanting to fit in really but kind of in the sense that i wanted people to stop berating me for my looks#like body wise only & also not understanding why every other girl looked like a girl blossoming into a woman#& i looked like i was transitioning to Malnourished (unsexed) Ape made worse by bein GNC.& like the need for control later on & erthang ETC
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apathyfairy · 2 months ago
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i always said that once i stop caring what other people think about me it’s over for you bitches and it’s finally happened i’m literally untouchable
#everyone else my age like oh i’m getting married ! oh i had a baby ! me i’m becoming evil#i decided months ago that i’m done i live in the worst place in the country or on earth even and these asshole people are not getting any#more out of me. i don’t smile at anyone anymore. i don’t make eye contact. i’m done with this place and these rude ass people#so today i was at the gas station and pulled up behind someone and got out and the pump didn’t work so i got back in#and waited for the girl in front of me to be done bc everywhere else had a line anyway#so when she finally leaves the asshole in the jeep behind me is yelling at me through his window and literally about to rear end me#and i’m trying to tell him that one doesn’t work so he’s still yelling at me through the window and i keep mouthing IT DOES NOT WORK#bc he simply is not getting and finally he sticks his piece of shit head out the window and LISTENS to me and i said it DOESNT WORK.#it’s BROKEN.#and i realize he thought i was just waiting to be at the first pump and holding up the line but i don’t fucking care#so then he goes. oh. and he gets out and i said you can try it but it says it’s broken.#monotone bc i’m not trying to be nice#and he’s like oh ok. then i take back everything i said about you in the car LOL#and i said. ok.#and he said nah i wasnt saying anything about you#and i said nothing#then he’s a fuck face so he’s all embarrassed and acting like we’re buddies now#so he’s like huuuh. usually there’s an attendant walking around.. and i say i havent seen anyone. not looking at him#and he goes huuuh usually they put a sign or something out that it’s broken and i said nothing so like#the slimy piece of shit he is he silently gets back in his car and waits and then i leave and i’m like#in this circumstance 100% normally my heart would have been pounding out my chest bc i’m afraid of confrontation and who isnt afraid of#men yelling at them but this time i felt nothing except anger bc why the fuck are you trying to start something with me in the fucking gas#station go to another fucking line if you’re in that big of a rush and also learn how to fucking read when it says pump out of order#before you try to fucking rear end me which go for it btw bc i have dash cams and anyway#i’m so fucking sick of living here and i’ll never get out#but. i’m proud of myself for not being afraid or scared and just dealing with that piece of shit straightforward
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eisthenameofme · 3 months ago
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embracing the vampire autism i have going on apparently means combing through 500 vtm books and making notes on the lore and contradictions in the lore and potential implications and what was intended to be taken from some things vs things that actually make sense in context/with better research and sorting through what was included for mechanical gameplay vs worldbuilding reasons and combining all of this + the information intentionally left vague so i can form my own ideas into an amalgam of schrodingers canon with which to try to figure out what i personally tend to view as canon in-universe and then still figuring out how to insert the contradictory information/alternate interpretations in as like. character opinion/intentional misinformation/etc.
#The upside to this is i actually really like combing through a bunch of information and sorting through it. in theory.#Lowkey kind of house of leaves/arg feeling#the downside of this is i am being So Autistic about it and it is going to take So Long and also#my desire to be Accurate and the fact that this encompasses so many times and places#means that i am going to want to do So Much only tangentially related researchhelp#and there's already So Many vtm/dark ages books even without getting into the other world of darkness stuff#which at this rate i am probably going to want to get at least somewhat into#because it can canonically intersect with/affect vampire shit at times#mypost#'embracing the vampire autism' i say. as if i havent been visibly careening toward this particular collision for A While#it first i was like. no this isnt the autism. at least not any more than usual. i've always Liked this#this is.... a normal amount of liking something. sure.#.....fuck.#and the issue is. i have. other things to be doing. but here we are.#and instead im like. that unhinged conspiracy board meme from always sunny but with vtm lore#attempting to sort all of it out coherently and borderline comprehensively#which is. kind of fitting for people trying to but together all the different lore and conspiracies in-universe tbh#and kind of reminds me of when i first started researching the occult as a younger teenager#with the like. mountains of information and different loosely interrelated subjects to sift through with various degrees of sketchiness#nostalgic. anyway
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tardis--dreams · 7 months ago
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There's silverfish in this apartment so the only chance for my body to get some rest would be collapsing from exhaustion otherwise i will not sleep for a While
#how long does it take to get rid of them?#ages probably#and i have only one room (+ a tiny bathroom) so i cannot avoid them#they're in my bedroom therefore the bed isn't safe#god i hate it here#i had them in my first apartment too for a short time and i hoped to never experience this again#well#also the guy living here before me apparently has never cleaned the shower or the toilet in his lifetime#the shower is filthy and I've been cleaning it for 3 hours in total already#I'll have to scrub it everyday in order to get a chance to get rid of these years of dirt and limescale#(like scrub it for 30 minutes using cleaning supplies and all. not just clean it after showering like usually#which would have prevented this from happening in the first place if that guy had done this even just once a week)#also cannot fathom how my landlord accepted this bathroom to be left like this#there was literally still toilet paper in the toilet and there is dirt so bad i haven't gotten rid of it after scrubbing for hours#but yeah#the insects are the worst#i mean in korea i had actual bugs but there weren't as many and i think they couldn't climb the walls so i felt less#disgusted by my bed and everything i touch#(there was one in my bag and in the kitchen sink and in my blanket once and#I'm not exactly scared by them but actually disgusted#i guess this is what some people mean when they say they aren't scared of spiders but don't like them anyway#it's just gross and i don't want to see them)#and i will tell my landlord about it and ask if he can at least fix the bathroom silicom so maybe some of their hiding spots are gone#I'm just very tired of everything rn lol#still not using that extra time i have during the night to work for university so that's great#not getting anywhere#void screams
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