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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years

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Fanfic Request Etiquette

Hello everyone! I’m going to make a slightly uncharacteristic post about a complaint I’ve heard among writers. I want to start off by saying if you do anything I suggest against in this post, I don’t think you’re a bad person or necessarily wrong. These are just complaints I’ve heard or shared that I want you to see from the perspective of other writers.

Have you read any request rules/guidelines?

There is no excuse for not reading these—they are usually linked or noted in a bio, pinned post, or ask box.

On a similar note, you should avoid requesting NSFW or other triggering material unless the author has voiced a desire to write that (explicitly stating they will accept smut, or implicitly through prior works). Even then, some authors only make exceptions for personal ideas or requests from close friends.

Have you read through the writer’s Masterlist?

I understand some of us myself included have way too many damn fics. But each of those fics, I promise, we put our heart and soul into. When I get duplicative requests, it can be kind of disheartening, because it tells me that you haven’t read the work I’ve already put out.

Also, it’s just less likely we’ll accept/prioritize a fic if we feel we’ve already written it. Which leads me to my next point...

Writer Tip: Include a brief description of your pieces so people can easily see if one might match their request.

Have you included an idea for a plot?

This isn’t always required. Some writers love the freedom of a super vague request, but some writers don’t know what to do with that. Especially if you’re an anon and we can’t run ideas by you. We want to make you happy! Which reminds me...

Don’t send us multiple messages asking when it’s coming/why we haven’t written it yet/spamming us with the same request.

I’m sad this needs to be said, but it does. Most of us will queue a request in a number of ways if we’ve accepted it. I usually post mine on my Masterlist. I personally would prefer a DM asking if there is ambiguity. Remaining on anon and sending multiple messages is a great way to make us feel unappreciated and pressured.

This is especially true when a person has a long waiting list for requests.

We can’t turn on our writing bug and inspiration at will (how fuckin’ cool would that be?) and if we force ourselves to write, you probably won’t like what comes out. Be patient and understanding; we are doing this for fun, not as a job.

If you really want us to feel inspired, try sending us ideas or commenting on our previous works about what you liked. I promise, flattery will get you everywhere! We are all people with lives outside of writing fic.

Also, this should go without saying: If someone says no to your idea, ask someone else. Don’t pester them about it. That’s messed up. It takes a lot of energy to write an idea; there are loads of reasons why we might not want to.

Have you sent this request to someone else?

This doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t ever send a request to two people. But if you do, keep in mind many of us talk to each other and will recognize a duplicate request. If you choose to send it to multiple people, please consider doing a few things:

(a) TELL US. Tell each author you are writing to that you are requesting this from multiple people. Some people might do it anyway.

We don’t want to compete with each other. I would hate to put out a piece and then find out another author was writing the same one, and we end up in this weird competition for whose is “better.” Don’t pit us against each other, please.

(b) Change it up. Alter the plot or characters so if we both do write it, they aren’t the same story.

(c) Message the first writer before you request from a second author. I promise you we do not bite. If you message me (OFF anon) and ask where on my queue/how far along a story is, I will tell you. This might get you a finished fic faster (from the original writer or someone else) and will take the stress off overburdened authors.

When requesting a spin off or extension, did you read the Author’s Notes?

I’ve said in multiple posts and pieces now that I don’t accept requests for Part 2s, but continue to get requests for them. Please read author’s notes! I’m not just talking to myself.

So that’s it. Basically, please be nice and considerate with the writer’s on this site. We all want to have fun. We love you all for supporting us! Thank you for everyone who has ever sent a request, a comment, a reblog, or a like! You make my day and I’m so privileged to get to hear back from you.

Stay safe & happy 🥰

#writing #requests #request #masterlist

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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[created by: --rainboweyes--]

Why did you last feel like crying? Ever since the pandemic started almost a year ago and we were in quarantine, I’ve put off seeing one of my doctors. Well, I’m going to have to bite the bullet and make an appointment soon and I’m just really nervous about it because it’s been so long and I worry there could be something wrong. I always expect the worst.

How long ago and why did you last feel infuriated? Hm. It’s been awhile.

Do emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Oh, my emotions most definitely control me.

Do you keep your friends secrets/private information to yourself? Yes.

What negative quality do your friends bring up the most? I don’t have any friends, but in the past I’ve had friends tell me I’m too hard on myself.

What quality do you think you have that others don't think you do? I’m weak, not strong. <<< Yeah, people tend to think I’m strong and brave and I’m so not. I’m weak and scared.

Do you often "jump" to conclusions? When it comes to stuff relating to myself, yes. Like, I jump to the worst case scenarios all the time.

Would you let your best friend babysit your younger sibling? My younger sibling is almost 22 years old lol.

Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting or indifferent? It’s uncomfortable and makes me anxious.

Do you think you know a lot about the world? I wouldn’t say a lot. There’s so much to learn and much I don’t understand.

What about the world do you wish you never found out? I don’t know.

Do you know first aid? No. Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? Yes.

Does your first name have an L in it? Nope.

Middle name have a C in it? Nope.

Last name have a R in it? Yes.

Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? Nope.

The word above, does it have any connection to you at all?

Do you prefer classic rock or alternative? Alternative, but I like both.

Do you like Kings of Leon? Yeah.

How about The Script? Yes.

Does crying make you feel better? It can help a little.

Do you know a girl called Becca? Nope. How about a guy called Gregory? Nope.

Does someone’s background effect whether you'll be friends with them or not? It would have to be something really bad.

How about their religious background? No, I can be friends with people who have different religious beliefs than I do.

If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? That would make things difficult, for sure. I think I’d always have that in my mind and it might cause me to look for or see things that make me think he’s cheating. Like, I might not think anything of a particular thing had they not told me that, but since they did I see it differently, ya know? I’ve never been in that situation so I can’t say for sure, but I think it would affect things.

Do you drink tea and/or coffee every day? Yes, I have to have my coffee.

Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? No.

How about a fashion designer? No.

Do you wish that magic was real? I mean, it’d be pretty cool. And convenient. But of course there’s a bad side to it cause it could be used for the wrong things.

What food would you love to wipe off the face of the earth? I don’t feel that strongly about foods I don’t like, I simply just don’t eat them.

Can you use a bottle opener? Yes?

Do you own a cheese grater? No.

What time will it be in 38 minutes time? 11:18PM.

What day/date will it be in 11 days time? Thursday, February 4th, 2021, my brother’s birthday.

Have you ever owned a pet fish? I had a fish tank full of fish when I was a kid.

Do you prefer fire or ice? I like cozy fires in the fireplace and bonfires.

Do you rap along with rap songs? Ha, I can attempt to.

When happy, do you become more talkative? Yeah, I do.

Bowling or sailing? Why? Neither. Not my thing.

What color is your kettle? I don’t have one.

How about your microwave? It’s black.

Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? I like sitting in the front.

How about in a train? I’ve never been on a train.

On the bus? I had to sit in the middle cause that’s where the wheelchair seating was.

Do you care about politics? I do.

Blair or Brown? Who?

When did you last cook something from scratch? I don’t cook from scratch. Or cook at all, really, except for ramen.

What things make you jealous? I feel envy more than jealousy. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt jealous.

Are you offended easily by non politically correct language? No, I wouldn’t say that.

Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? I never understood how they chose which curse words you can and can’t say on TV or in songs.

Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? I’m hungry, but I’m waiting a little bit before I make some ramen.

What's your I.Q? I don’t remember the number, but it fell under above average. IQ tests are whatever anyway.

What's your Mum's Mum called? I called her grandma.

How about your Dad's Dad? I call him papa.

Do you prefer crepes, pancakes or waffles? I like each of those, but waffles are my favorite.

Do you have ice-cream in your fridge right now? I think we do.

How about chicken nuggets? No.

Do you eat fish often? I don’t eat fish ever. Or any seafood.

Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? Nope.

Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Uh, no.

Do you like watermelon? Yeah.

Can you remember the month of your first kiss? It was October, 2015.

Do you make friends easily? Not necessarily friends, but I got along with everyone.

What makes you different from everyone else? Being a paraplegic makes me different than a lot of people.

I give you a piece of paper. What do you draw/write on it? When I doodle, I tend to write random stuff in cursive as well as like hearts, stars, and squiggles all over.

What pictures or photos are up in your lounge? Is that my bedroom? I have a few giraffe paintings and a couple beach ones.

Do you like purple and white patterned things? Sure.

Do you know anyone called Pipa? I just think of Pippa Pig lol.

I say purple, you think... Grapes.

What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? Nothing at all.

Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? I mean, it’s nice, but I’m just so awkward. And in my head I’m like, “ew, no not true” cause I think negatively about myself.

Does the description of your starsign correspond with your personality? Not at all. I’m so opposite of how a Leo is described.

Do you have a photo album? We have a ton of them. And I have a lot of digital photo albums, too.

What artists paintings do you find the most beautiful? There’s numerous beautiful paintings.

What about the most disturbing? I can’t think of a specific one offhand.

Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? Yes to both. I’ve been to science camp and Girl Scout camp. I also did summer school once in middle school cause I missed a lot of school due to a long hospital stay, and the other times were mostly voluntary while at community college to get classes out of the way quicker. There was just one time I had to retake a math course.

What was your favorite cartoon as a child? I was into the cartoons on Nickelodeon, PBS, Disney, Kids WB, and Fox Kids in the 90s.

What was your biggest fear as a child? The dark and bugs.

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Fly.

What about invisibility or mindreading? Invisibility.

Do you like what you see in the mirror? Not at all. :/

Which stereotype do you dislike the most? There’s many, but I came across this and it’s worded well, “The burden of disability is unending; life with a disabled person is a life of constant sorrow, and the able-bodied stand under a continual obligation to help them. People with disabilities and their families -- the "noble sacrificers" -- are the most perfect objects of charity; their function is to inspire benevolence in others, to awaken feelings of kindness and generosity.”

Can you remember all your past teachers names? Not all, but a lot of them.

Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I like The Voice.

Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Yes, in math.

Do you find people taller than you intimidating? As someone in a wheelchair most people are taller than me except for small children. I do feel awkward around really tall people.

Do you think you are better than people of a different country/background? Absolutely not.

Who is your favorite bzoinker? I don’t go on Bzoink.

What websites do you have bookmarked? I have a few on the bookmark toolbar: Google, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, and Pinterest.

Do you use bows and ribbons to decorate your gifts? I just use the bows that easily stick on.

Do you listen to the same type of music as your parents? What type is that? We like a lot of the same music. What TV show scared you as a kid? Are You Afraid of the Dark? <<< The intro always got me haha. I still liked watching it, though.

Family Guy, The Simpsons or South Park? Why? None of ‘em.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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bleepbloo · 5 years

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Reaction to The Lovers of the Fallen Tower (Part 1)

I am beyond late, I know, but better late than never right?

I am a little spoiled on the episode on some of the general things that happen, but not the how. So be prepared for ramblings and mind going off in different directions, and also we got so MUCH WORLD-BUILDING!!

Keeping that in mind, I hope y’all enjoy this!

So, off the bat, Olala is very cute. Not much else seems to be needed to say in that regard. She also handles people who died very well, but that’s only because she hasn’t experienced it happening in any relation to her.

I don’t doubt that’s going to change when she realizes- or if someone makes her realize *looks at Sir Caroline, who is the exact kind of person to tell a child her family is dead* - that her family, her Sisters, died by the Kite’s hand.

On the subject of Death, if the Queen didn’t call all the journeyman knights because Miller as a town was slaughtered, I will genuinely be surprised. Arum seems to be surprised twice by Olala; once when she mentions that she’s from the Garden of Death- which he recognizes - and when she mentions she’s ‘half-monster’.

Arum seems to handle kids well, which- doesn’t bug me, necessarily, but it does raise the question of how. He’s been pretty hard-core ID’d as a hermit, both by analysis and the narrative itself, so while I doubt that he’s been around many children, it does lead me to think the Keep wasn’t the only one to raise him? I mean, the way he handled Olala is very different than how the Keep obviously raise Arum; he set boundaries, rules where the Keep indulges, he (tried) not to dump his baggage on her where the Keep sings and talks about everything, he sent her away to the Keep when he needed to have a grown-up conversation with Rilla- that speaks of someone who was taught by someone else. Or he could be just good with children, I’m not holding my breath here

Also, wow, Rilla did not handle anything well, but I mean. Who can blame her? A three person relationship is way different from a two-person one, and while they’re all talking to each other, they’re not communicating. Damien’s more or less committed treason - burning letters from ‘his true home’.

Does that include any letters Angelo might be sending??

How long has Damien been burning letters??

Do his parents even know he’s alive???????

I’m very concerned by this, if only because like- speaking from some personal experience- it can be very jarring to realize that you don’t have the same support network you thought you did, or that because of who you are now cannot coincide. Of course, Arum doesn’t understand it because 1) Hermit, 2) he’s always been accepted by his home, if nothing else.

They’re all having a bad time of it.

Still, shoutout to Damien for being a good person and deciding that he needed to be here to defend the child, and did it despite the communication issues with Arum and his own internal issues.

Also, Arum gets annoyed by the Citadel’s renaming of everything, but I have to wonder if the Southern Frosts has it’s own renaming of things?

Because, for those that don’t remember, what Rilla and Tal saw as a sea-shell, Caroline explicitly saw it as a court-house. Which says some interesting things about the Southern Frosts and how they correlate to the monster view of things, and how the Citadel quite clearly deviates from this by renaming things.

I’m going to chew on that thought in a different post, but for now it’s worth noting.

In that moment, where he asks to watch it again, he’s exactly the kind of person who would depress watch a show that makes him happy. And it’s done very well how Damien and Arum aren’t really talking to each other. At all. When Damien mentions he’s never heard that moniker before, he says it gently to Olala, not to Arum at all, and when Arum responds, it’s to tell Rilla to tell him.

Which, man. I’d lose my goddamn mind if I had to deal with that on a near-daily basis. (Also, it’s clear that despite Damien’s status as knight, he stays within the Northern border, and that there’s REALLY not a lot of visitors from the West, which kind of shows that despite the quite large amount of land there is in the world, people - of the West, South, North, and ESPECIALLY the East (if there’s anyone who lives out there)- don’t travel much, which contributes to the xenophobia of the North & South at the very least!)

I’m going to chew on this more - between college and life - but it’s clear that the West is something of a united front, at least where Olala was from. They allow monsters to visit and live with them, use magic and science hand-in-hand, are both in a place of death and yet holds so much life (fungi)- it’s literally the middle ground between the North and the South. Also, really glad that the Arum finally mentioned the entire North being called ‘the Second Citadel’ so I can stop referencing that one time early access content was allowed for all patrons.

It’s also interesting that a place has emotions, but then, magic. Which we still don’t know how it works really.

Also, I should mention that when I heard the name ‘emotional resonator’, I thought that it was going to- locate an emotion and fixate on it, drawing it out like a fish on a fishing pole.

This was not that.

“Increase the anxiety-”, y’know what, I had to pause here, and say that you shouldn’t try and increase the anxiety of a place, ESPECIALLY NOT IN A PLACE THAT’S STILL VERY AND CLEARLY TRAUMATIZED!!!!!

This just proves that while Rilla and Arum have high INT, they both - together- have a very low WIS. And Rilla proves that she’s Marc’s sister by impulsively going when the experiment has been run.

Parapet of the wilds. Hm. For those that don’t know, a parapet the part of a wall or a tower that stops you from falling off the top of a building. Then a two of the wilds, nine of some sort of mirror or snail (the East? Sage Helicoid??). Also, I want to take this moment to apologize for the length of this- school has kept me busy so to talk like this is very nice, except I’m still in the middle of it and I’m sure there’s going to be more to come.

Poor Olala, caught in the middle. This is DEFINITELY NOT what Marc had in mind when he left Olala in the care of Arum.

And, ah, the building does have a type. Conflicting lovers.

Hm, so towers can be used to get magical currents.

There’s also a story, called Babbalon, where, together, all of humanity was working together to ascend to heaven. And it was working, which made God, worried, so God broke the tower, and cursed people to have completely separate languages from each other so that they could never again get so close to Heaven. Considering present circumstances, with humanity and monsters, the same metaphor works here.

I wouldn’t be surprised if there was one on the side of the world to the West, East, and South.

Also, I have to wonder when Pix and David are- they clearly lived at the Terminus for a few years before everything went boom, and they were building the Bridge- aka the Fallen Tower - prior to getting attacked. I’ve wondered if it’s before or after the First Citadel fell. I mean, it’s probably before, but how much before?

Also, jesus Rilla, this- I know you want Damien and Arum to get along, but using it TWICE like this WHEN ARUM EXPLICITLY STATES IT’S *DANGEROUS* IS A BAD IDEA! Of course, she does it anyway.

AND NOW WE GET CONFIRMATION THAT THERE ARE LIGHTS OFF THE EDGE OF THE WORLD, and also a name Zin? That’s going to come up again, mark my words. Every significant person in the world/story - Queen Mira, Sir Damien, Sir Absolom, David, Pix, Senator Calin(?mentioned by the nameless monsters at the end of the World)- everyone who has some sort of name, and I do mean name, is going to come up again. It happened with Queen Mira, Sir Damien, Pix, David, it’s going to be brought up with Sir Absolom soon, mark my words.

Anyway, point is, Pix saw lights!

Even if it’s like- Plateau's, where each land mass is separated by degrees of going down, or like, the Citadel Plateau’s is separated from the land mass below it, there’s still SOMETHING out there! I’m very excited for it.

And, oh, it was just minutes after this that Pix and David died, wasn’t it? Oh.

And oh, GOd. She’s looking for answers in the wrong place. She’s looking in a two-person relationship- her situation and theirs are- so far from different that it’s like looking through 3-d colored glass with just one eye.

Their species are at war, and that- like it or not- still affects their relationship.

I mean, I get it, but also, there are other things that could’ve been attempted first.

Oh god, poor Olala. She’s stressed out, by the anxiety and by the machine and by everything that her body is literally changing out of stress! Honestly, mood, but also, huh. It means that who- or what, depending- these memories belong to, is also resonating with Olala.

And the Bridge, destroyed. This IS STILL NOT BIDING WELL FOR WHEN WE ACTUALLY GET TO THE TOWER CARD. I am going to keep harping on this until I’m metaphorically black and blue.

I don’t know if it’s the memory of the person or the machine glitching/repeating out on itself, or some combination thereof(you know, like a panic attack), but this certainly explains the description of the next episode.

Also, I love how Arum is so unimpressed with Damien’s ‘one miracle’, because functionally Arum(in D&D terms) like a Warlock to his Keep’s patronage, can create some thousand miracles and things that have never existed before, even though it’s still super impressive that Damien was even able to do the ONE miracle.

Damien, when he isn’t being a xenophobic dingus, is actually quite smart.

And that’s the end of the episode, part 1.

Also, the names at the end of the Episode fucking kill me, fucking superb you funky donators.

I’ll soon be back, with Part 2 reaction. And then we get to munch onto some good, good theories.

#second citadel spoilers #second citadel #bleepbloo thoughts

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regrettablewritings · 7 years

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Storytime: Crazyass Theater Mom

In continuing with swapping stories with @xemopeachx, I gotta share this one. I pray to God my sister never finds this because then she’ll know I run this blog because this is an extremely specific sort of story. First, though, lemme set the stage with the “players” (names have been changed):

Rachel: My younger sister, acts in a theater group

Mr. Delfine: The founder of the theater group, here called CMK (City Musical Kids)

Ms. Theresa: Mr. Delfine’s wife, works with CMK and does party planning in her free time

Mr. Mack: Director

Bitch Mom: Bitch mom

Get it? Got it? Good. Let’s begin.

So last summer, Rachel was in CMK’s summer program. Now, CMK was the winner of their age group or something for five years in a row at an international theater competition that happens every year in Atlanta, so they’re the real deal. Their summer performances tend to be plays they did in Atlanta that year because they have the licensing and costumes, might as well get one more go out of them. Last year, their Atlanta show was James and the Giant Peach. Now, we’re gonna put a pin in this because it’ll matter in a way later on.

For now, let’s talk about Bitch Mom. Bitch Mom was, big shocker, a bit of a bitch. Ms. Theresa had apparently met her by doing party-planning for her for BM’s eldest daughter’s 12th birthday and apparently BM ran her ragged. By the end of it, according to my mom, Ms. Theresa mentioned being glad that she had reached the end of it. Well, either Ms. Theresa mentioned CMK around her, or BM searched for theater camps because soon after, BM’s two daughters were signed up for the summer group.

Everyday, Rachel would come home from practice and be on her phone with friends gossiping about the daughters and at first, I thought nothing of it: they’re 12-14 year old kids, they’re going to gossip. But then I heard her talking about the mom. Now, why would tweens and early teens feel the need to talk about somebody’s mom? Well, my own mother filled me in on both:

The daughters, ages 8 and 12, were headache-causers for Mr. Mack and the dance instructor. During practice once, the 12-year-old told the dance instructor specifically that her little sister “needed to be upfront so everyone could see her.” A pretty bold statement. Honestly, a statement that just sounds . . . weird coming from a kid. They apparently did other things, but they all just sounded strange and arrogant even for kids. But when my mom got to explaining BM, it all made sense.

Apparently, BM spared none of her issues: She was always getting into it with the interns, Mr. Mack, Ms. Theresa, and Mr. Delfine. But she especially got at Ms.Theresa. I think because Ms. Theresa was just too nice to really try and bite back hard? Either way, it was awful. According to Rachel, my stepdad, and the CMK parents with whom my mother spoke, these fights occurred often. My mother, however, had not once seen it, and I certainly hadn’t and believed that there had to be some kind of exaggeration going on.

One day, Rachel came home upset and my mom started getting phone calls from the other CMK parents. Apparently, BM got into a screaming match with Mr. Delfine. Usually, parents are allowed to attend rehearsals. They just have to keep quiet and stay out of the way. Sounds simple, right? Wrong! BM was trying to take pictures and film, but kept getting in the way of the dance rehearsal so Mr. Delfine asked her to leave. This somehow transformed into them yelling at each other until he had her go into the hallway and locked her out. According to Rachel, you could still see her trying to look through the door window and film. That evening, all the CMK parents got an email saying that parents were no longer allowed to attend rehearsals for the remaining two weeks of camp.

But apparently her whole family was weird. You had the two snooty daughters, she had a son I believe was autistic but seemed nice, but then you had the dad. I didn’t see BM or her husband until the day of the performance, but my stepdad told me about him and damn was the description spot-on. My stepdad would always be the one to pick Rachel up from camp so he often found himself waiting with the other parents. Now, because this camp is in New Orleans, most of, if not all of the children and their parents are black or mixed. BM’s husband is white. And for some reason, he didn’t seem to talk to anyone . . .

So obviously, this sends the wrong idea to my stepdad. What’s more is that BM’s husband is a doctor, so the suspicion became both a thing of race and a thing of job level. It wasn’t until later, when it was just the husband and BM wasn’t around, that he would actually attempt to talk with the other parents. This, to my stepdad, set off a lot of alarm bells . . .

Friday evening: I’m in the den watching TV with my mom, stepdad is in the kitchen, Rachel is in the living room in her nook, talking with friends. Suddenly, Rachel walks in and says, “BM and Ms. Theresa got into a fight after camp. It got so bad that she cussed -- and she never cusses!” Dang. About an hour or so later, there’s a knock on our door: It’s Rachel’s friend’s dad, asking about a script. Apparently, Mr. Mack, Mr. Delfine, and Ms. Theresa had all had enough and were strongly considering dropping one of BM’s daughters from the play and replacing whichever one with Rachel’s friend. This is already shaky-looking, but also consider the following:

1. Rachel’s friend, while having done James and the Giant Peach in Atlanta, hadn’t been in camp all summer due to engagements in New York and Girl Scout camp

2. It was the night before the fucking performance.

If you’ve ever read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, the idea of what BM might do if one of her kids was dropped fro the play was like when townsfolk started imagining what the Herdman children would do. Ngl I was expecting that bitch to go on stage, scream, “IT’S NOT FAIR!!”, and fling paint on the kids. Obviously, this did not happen. Neither did the expulsion of either of her daughters. What did happen, however, was far more than I could have predicted . . .

Saturday: the day of the performance.

Rachel was dropped off earlier, and my stepdad, mom, and I arrived later for the matinee. My aunt and uncle from Alabama stopped by as a surprise. BM is also there. My mom and I quickly usher my aunt to the side and start hyping up BM with, “So one of the mothers here is crazy--”

But before we can point out who, my aunt goes, “Is it the one in the white dress? She was starting stuff earlier.” . . . Pardon? The story was that earlier, BM was causing a scene: She was trying to drag one of her daughters off, fussing something like, “We have to go. We have to go! Ms. Theresa has no business having you look like that! She’s stressing you out!” The thing was, she was stressing her daughter out. The poor thing was crying and insisting that she was fine and didn’t want to go home. Yikes, what the hell?

Fast forwarding to after the performance, there was a lot of hindsight to be taken into account because my stepdad was more observant than I. But when we (my mom, stepdad, aunt, uncle, and myself) reconvened at a nearby bar for lunch, we started spilling stuff. During the group photo for the performers, my stepdad noted, the daughters were missing. They were off in the corner getting fussed at by BM. And the thing was, none of us could figure out why: To be fair, her daughters were good! One was an exceptional dancer who’s already in pointe shoes at age 8, and the 12-year-old has potential as a singer. Their acting was okay but, hey, they’re kids, there’s literally nothing that could be done. What I found more disturbing was the fact that after she’d finished fussing, my stepdad said the daughters had been tearing up but went to go join the group photos. In my memory, the girls looked perfectly fine. As if they were used to hiding this sort of stuff.

What was more was that one thing BM had fussed about during the camp’s run was that one of the songs in James is called “Plump & Juicy”, which is when James and the Bugs decide to use Earthworm as bait for catching seagulls and have to hype him up as delicious and appealing. The 8-year-old was cast as the Earthworm and BM had a fit. Not necessarily because that was the role her daughter had been given, but because she feared the song would make her self-conscious because she was already on a diet. I repeat: This tiny, scrawny 8-year-old was on a diet and I swear she was thinner than my 7-year-old sister who not only also did dance, but did tae kwon do, swimming, and cheerleading. Needless to say, BM now just seemed beyond unreasonable.

So my aunt and uncle say their goodbyes and leave, my stepdad, mom, and I head back to the university theater where the second and final performance is. We attend the evening performance and everyone lounges about in the lobby, talking. My mom and I head back stage to help Mr. Mack pack up some stuff and at some point, I head back to the lobby. Now, when I first got there, it was regular noise. But not even an entire minute later, there’s suddenly YELLING.

I look towards the commotion, and there’s BM and Mr. Delfine going at each other with some parents trying to tell BM to back off and how “CMK parents don’t act like this.” I’m hearing things like, “HOW DARE YOU THREATEN A LADY!?” and “DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT MY KIDS!! HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I’M A BAD MOTHER!!?!” and other things. Eventually, the nearby security guard takes control and ushers BM down the stairs. When I ask somebody wtf happened, I was told that at some point, BM start fussing at one daughter, then she started fussing at the other, and then she started fussing at Mr. Delfine and it just escalated from there.

(Sidenote: If I got close enough to the stairs, I could hear thudding as if she was flinging herself to the floor and a stern voice going, “Stop it. Get up” in that voice a parent uses when their kid decides to throw a tantrum. And no, I highly doubt it was security guard brutality or anything if that’s what you were thinking.) Soon after, a couple of the interns come scrambling upstairs and clamoring, “Guys! Guys, she said she’s pressing charges!!”

Uh . . . wut.

After all has calmed down to a degree, people decide, “Fuckit, let’s get ready to go, that was too much.” I return to my mom and tell her what happened (she’s upset for missing BM in seemingly one last exploit) and we shrug and go help Mr. Mack bring stuff to his car. Rachel and my mom’s friend tag along and when we finish, we walk around the parking lot to the front of the building where we see Mr. Delfine, the security guard, the CMK parents (my stepdad included) . . . and a cop. It was in that moment that I realized I had just walked passed a cop car.

After ten minutes, the group disperses and my stepdad comes over and explains: “So BM was waiting down here and she called the police . . .” She was gone by the time we showed up, but apparently this bitch called the police with allegations of Mr. Delfine threatening her. Which might’ve been shaky enough as is, but was made worse by the fact that there were over a dozen other people around witnessing her tomfoolery.

(Second Sidenote: When I came back to witness her acting up, I didn’t see her kids or husband. According to my stepdad, the moment she started getting loud, he must’ve peaced out. It’s highly likely that he’s so used to her BS that he can feel when she’s about to embarrass the family so he took the kids and ran.)

In the end, BM’s kids weren’t allowed back due to a mix of CMK’s school year program being much more selective and the fact that, you know, she kinda blew it for her kids. Such a pity; they could’ve been nice, skilled kids if not for her . . . BM-ness.

The fucking end.

#long post #stories from the void #bitch mom story #theater mom #stage mom

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hashtagblogfan · 6 years

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9 Signs That Announce The End of Your Relationship

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9 Signs That Announce The End of Your Relationship

When you are in a relationship, many things change in your life. Initially, you are perky, you feel invincible and as in the song, you see life in pink. Then gradually, you go from disillusionment to disillusionment. You get angry for nothing, you can not forgive him for his infidelities,you are simply not in love anymore. Here are 9 signs that announce the end of your relationship.

You do not communicate anymore Communication is an essential thing for your couple to work. Talking about what’s wrong and what’s wrong with your relationship allows you to move forward and see if you want to move in the same direction.

From the moment you stop talking to yourself,this means that you may not want to stay with your partner anymore.

If you are convinced of the opposite and want to give your couple a chance, try to recreate moments of intimacy: go to the restaurant (without looking at your phone of the evening), go on a romantic weekend …

Once again,the absence of communication takes you into an infernal spiral and gradually signs the end of your relationship.

You do not make love anymore We agree, a low libido in the couple is something normal and does not necessarily mean that the separation is imminent.

Having said that, having a fulfilling sex life with your partner proves that you feel good by his side. Talking about your fantasies and letting go of your cravings shows that you are confident.

As soon as you feel no desire for your darling, think about it. Is it because something is working for you? Is it because you are no longer in love with him?

If you lean for the second answer,it is time to separate and follow your own path.

You’re bored At the beginning of your relationship, her romantic gestures made you literally crack. But now that the honeymoon is over, you realize that you are bored with him. Apart from walks in the park and candlelight dinners, you do not share much.

No need to break up immediately, talk to with him and make him understand that you are expecting more. If he agrees to make efforts, give him a second chance and if not, draw your route.

You argue for nothing Feeling irritated as soon as he opens his mouth is a bad sign. The slightest excuse is good to start a fight: you can not find the remote control, he forgot to buy your cereal …

No need to look for a way to break or at least wait for him to do it. Take courage and put an end to your relationship.

You are running away from each other Being in a relationship means that you are no longer alone, so you have to change some of your habits. In normal times, this should not be a chore, you should feel happy to be with the man of your life.

If you feel like the days are getting longer and you prefer to spend time alone rather than with him,review the foundations of your relationship.

Be realistic, if you run away while your relationship has just started it is not very promising for the future, but maybe because you’re not used to having company.

On the other hand, if you have been in a relationship for a while but need to get away from it because you feel oppressed, it is high time to separate.

You do not have any more little attention for each other Before, you said “I love you”, “my heart” … It was too much limit, but today you do not say anything.

You have no more attention for him (and vice versa), you lie back to back without even kissing. If it’s not a bad luck and you never miss it, it may be time to set sail.

You dream of another life A bit like the band’s band phone, except that you dream of a single life (or with Ryan Gosling).

It is normal to have some female fantasies, however, when those – become too recurrent, it is that there is a bug in your relationship.

Previously, you imagined yourself in a pretty house with a garden, surrounded by your children and your charming husband … But that was before. Today, you are dreaming of elsewhere, new dating, a new love story …Certainly, you do not like it anymore but you do not want to admit it yet.

You do not have the same interests You formed an ideal couple, always on the same wavelength to finish the sentences of one and the other. You could spend hours on the phone without ever getting bored because you always had something to tell you.

Gradually you grew up and your points of view evolved differently. You can try to pick up the pieces, to understand it and even to interest you in its centers of interest, nothing helps.

After misunderstanding, comes indifference and then the end of your relationship. If it’s to stay with a stranger, so much to finish right away before suffering more.

He cheated on you Admittedly, an infidelity does not always sign the end of a couple. Some people come out even stronger and have the impression that it was the alarm that was missing. On the other hand, for others,a deception is not insignificant and proves that their darling no longer loves them.

Yes, to forgive an infidelity is not given to everyone and above all, it is not easy to regain the confidence of the beginnings.

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J and I have been together for almost four years, and our typical Saturday evening has changed quite a bit over the course of our relationship. In the early days, I would spend pretty much the entire day in anticipation of a Saturday night date; I’d agonize over what to wear and spend hours getting my hair and makeup just right. On the date, we’d talk for hours about anything and everything: our dreams, our fears, our favorite Ninja Turtle (one thing that hasn’t changed over the course of our relationship is the fact that we’re both total nerds). My heart would be racing, my brain going a mile-a-minute wondering if he was going to kiss me.

I loved J at the beginning of our relationship, and I love J now. But the way I experience that love is completely, profoundly different.

So how, exactly, does the way we experience love—physically, mentally, and emotionally—change over the course of a relationship? What causes the shift from spending hours in front of the mirror to make sure you look perfect to "I’m totally cool with you seeing me in my most unflattering sleepwear?" Of course, sometimes we’re still filled with that I-wanna-rip-your-clothes-off spirit. But how do we cultivate that feeling even more when we throw marriage, finances, and all that fun, domestic stuff ("You’re loading the dishwasher the wrong way!") into the mix?

The Perfect Beginning (a.k.a. the Honeymoon Phase)

When J and I first started dating, it was like a falling-in-love montage in the most clichéd romantic comedy. We would sit across the table, staring googly-eyed at each other for hours. Everything J said was hilarious, insightful, or brilliant (usually all three). When we weren’t together, I thought about the next time I would see him the way a drug addict thinks about their next fix (and as a recovering addict, I know what I’m talking about).

This early can’t-get-enough-of-you phase of a relationship is what’s known as the honeymoon stage, and it can be pretty all-consuming. "In the beginning of relationships, it’s natural that we feel a strong physical attraction and romantic passion," says Suzie Pileggi Pawelski, MAPP, author of Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love that Lasts.

"You may feel wildly attracted to your partner and can’t keep your hands off one another. You may think about your partner almost to the exclusion of everything else. You may daydream at your desk rather than drafting that important memo… and feel butterflies in your stomach when thinking about them."

But why, exactly, does the beginning of a relationship feel so consuming? Turns out, my description of feeling like a drug addict in desperate need of a fix is pretty spot-on. "When we first meet someone and feel an attraction to them, a series of chemical reactions are ignited," says Lyn Rowbotham, Ph.D., a life and relationship coach in Malibu, CA. "We can feel ‘a high’ by the surge of adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin that our brain releases."

All of those hormones and neurotransmitters are the perfect cocktail for attraction. Adrenaline enhances our arousal responses, while dopamine increases the brain’s ability to feel pleasure and reward, and serotonin sends a signal through our nerves to boost our mood and sexual desire. And on top of all those feel-good chemicals surging through our bodies, a recent study revealed that people in the honeymoon phase of a relationship had higher levels of nerve growth factor than people who were single or in long-term relationships, which researchers believe can actually increase feelings of euphoria.

(Needless to say, sex in the honeymoon phase is pretty fan-freakin-tastic.)

But as amazing as it is, the honeymoon can’t last forever. Most couples stay in the honeymoon phase anywhere from six months to two years—and experts say that’s a good thing. Because if we want love that’s going to last, it needs to go beyond the honeymoon.

"While feeling completely wrapped up in another person at the beginning of a relationship may be exciting and feel wonderful, it is the relationships that rely solely on passionate love that are doomed to fail," says Marisa T. Cohen, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College in New York City and co-founder of the Self-Awareness and Bonding Lab, a research lab that focuses on relationships and social psychology.

"While the couple is experiencing passionate love, it is important to get to know one another on a deeper level, thereby building intimacy-filled companionate love. Being intensely drawn to a person can take you only so far if you don’t build a strong foundation for a long-term loving relationship."

Reality Sets In

"In the beginning of a relationship, when you are totally absorbed in your partner, you view the world through rose-colored glasses," Cohen says. And once those rose-colored glasses come off, it can be a pretty jarring experience.

J and I were lucky enough to have a pretty long honeymoon stage, but I remember vividly when it ended—and it was really challenging. Suddenly, we weren’t seeing each other as these perfect creatures incapable of doing anything wrong or stupid or annoying.

We were seeing each other as, you know… actual people. It bugged me that J wanted to be alone when he was upset instead of talking things out. It bugged him that I could be stubborn and unwilling to admit when I was wrong (guilty as charged). Sometimes he would leave dishes in the sink or I would forget to take out the trash, and we would snap at each other.

In other words, the honeymoon was over—and reality had set in.

There was no doubt in my mind that I still loved J; it was just that now that we needed to figure out if our love was sustainable in the long term and if we had the chops to move past passionate love into something more deep and meaningful—what experts call companionate love.

"Passionate love is intense, and when reciprocated, is an exciting and wonderful experience," Cohen says. "Companionate love, on the other hand, is not as intense, but involves a sense of commitment and intimacy—think total self-disclosure, not necessarily sex. Having both present makes for a successful partnership."

As we navigate through the growing pains of the post-honeymoon phase of a relationship and start to see the person for who they actually are—rather than the fantasy we believed them to be—there’s going to be times we feel more "I-want-to-rip-off-their-head" than "I-want-to-rip-off-their-clothes." But that’s OK: The important thing to remember during this stage is that even though our feelings might be changing, it’s totally normal.

"Love evolves, of course, from the early-honeymoon passionate stage to the more mature, companionate love," Pileggi Pawelski says. "We can’t expect the same heightened feelings of positive emotions to exist at the intense levels as it did in the early phases of a relationship."

In other words, we can’t float on the honeymoon cloud forever. So when the honeymoon inevitably ends and reality sets in, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with our relationship—it just means we have to work to take things to that next level.

Settling Into the Relationship

The honeymoon is great. But what comes after the honeymoon (and after that awkward phase directly following the honeymoon) is arguably even better—the stage when we get comfortable in our relationship.

This is the stage J and I are in now. We’ve been through a lot of life together—we’ve traveled, we’ve dealt with tragedy, we’ve changed jobs and apartments and cities. And the more life we’ve experienced together, the deeper our bond has grown. And with that deeper bond has come a whole new level of comfort and security (which is why I can walk around our house in a sheet mask and frumpy sweatpants with zero hesitation).

We’ve officially reached the companionate stage of love, and like I said—it feels very different from those early I-love-you-so-much-I-feel-high days. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing; while I might not get sweaty palms every time J walks in the room, I do feel a deep sense of gratitude, love, and admiration when he brings home flowers for no reason, when I see him playing with our dog, or when I think about starting a family.

"With familiarity, we get more comfortable with our partner and don’t feel that heightened sense of positive emotions and arousal," Pileggi Pawelski says. "Our love moves from the higher arousal emotions of interest, amusement, and joy into the calmer positive emotions of serenity, gratitude, inspiration, and awe."

From a physiological standpoint, the deeper feelings of connection we experience when we’re more settled in our relationship are thanks to changing hormones and neurotransmitters.

As we move from passionate to companionate love, "our levels of adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin get back to their normal state," Rowbotham says. They’re replaced by oxytocin, a hormone that’s released as a result of the physical closeness we experience with our partners (think hugging, cuddling, and sex). "Oxytocin can give us a feeling of increased calm and deeper emotional connection to each other."

Making Relationships Work for the Long Haul

Now that J and I are getting married, I’ve been really curious about how to make the relationship work in the long term. Being happily in love for four years is one thing—but how do we stay just as happily in love 40 years from now?

According to the experts, the key is to keep the spark alive as we continue to deepen our bond—and that means continuing to invest in and work on our relationship.

"We can’t expect for ‘happily ever after’ to just happen or to automatically experience the same burning desire we may have felt at the beginning of the relationship," Pileggi Pawelski says. "Research shows it’s healthy habits that lead to long-term love."

So what are some of those habits that can keep us connected, in love, and—yes—wanting to rip off our partner’s clothes for years to come? "Spend time together doing things you both enjoy, together and individually; forgive each other by talking it out; and appreciate each other and let them know it," Rowbotham says.

"Try your best to be curious about your partner, asking questions, actively listening, and savoring your partner and the small moments," Pileggi Pawelski says. "Research shows that partners who feel deeply cared for and respected—what they refer to as ‘effectively affirmed’—reported more enjoyment in their sexual relationship."

According to Cohen, one of the keys to a happy and successful partnership is perceiving your partnership as happy and successful. "Research has shown that couples in stable relationships tend to perceive that their love is growing over time," Cohen says. "People who experience problems, break up, or are heading toward breaking up perceive their love as declining over time."

The way we experience love changes over time—and the way I experience my love for J today is totally different than I did at the beginning… and is also completely different from the way I’ll experience it 10, 20, and 40 years from now. Making a relationship work in the long term takes a lot of work, dedication, and commitment to the other person. But what we stand to get out of marriage? Totally worth it.

"A long-term, healthy marriage can offer a deeper sense of security together, a deeper love and understanding of each other, less anxiety about the relationship overall, and a certain level of protectiveness toward each other," Rowbotham says.

I’ll take that over the honeymoon stage any day.

Deanna deBara is a freelance writer and accidental marathon runner living in Portland, OR. Keep up with her running adventures on Instagram @deannadebara. from Greatist RSS http://ift.tt/2G0sYsV How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Changing in the Right Ways Greatist RSS from HEALTH BUZZ http://ift.tt/2sjcdY1

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