#(even roped Kenz into it)

[cultivating-wildflowers]

mood for the day: fine-tuning a spreadsheet instead of throwing a tantrum

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 32

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: While chasing a lead down Frank ends up saving the life of Special Agent Dinah Madani who also has stake in what happened in Kandahar

The longer the clock ticked by without you hearing anything from Frank the more worried you got. You knew he could handle himself in pretty much any situation but this whole cover-up, everything that had happened in the last year was so much bigger than you had ever thought possible.

With everything Frank had told you about Kandahar and with the S.A.C. for New York being involved you didn't know just who Frank would be going up against or if Micro could be trusted.

You were making the beds in the bunk room, trying to stay busy. Alice walked in behind you and flopped down on her bunk "So what are your plans for tonight or does Matt have you wrapped up?" You laughed and shook your head "We don't have any plans currently why?"

She shrugged "Me and Kenz were wondering if maybe you wanted to come out to dinner with us? Matt can come too or Karen" you stopped what you were doing and cut your eyes back at her "Is Kenzie's mom in town? That's normally when you drag me around to be a buffer" she grinned and said "Possibly but she loves you! I swear at times she wishes Kenz was engaged to you instead of me" 

"She does not!" You argued but added "What time and where? I'll check Karen and Matt's schedule to see who'll be easier to drag along with me" she jumped up and pulled you into a hug "I love you! Around seven? I'll text you the address!" She walked out dialing Kenzie's number. You shook your head and went back to finishing making the beds considering you only had two left then inventory of the rig before Ash and Riley would be in to take over.

---------------------

You dialed Karen's number as you were walking into your apartment. Matt had already agreed to go with you to dinner, which considering him and Foggy had both known Kenzie since she was in med school and they were in law school was a plus for you and Alice both.

"Hey Y/N!" She greeted and you could almost hear the nervous smile in her voice. "Everything's fine Kare. Breathe" you replied sitting your med bag down in the closet and kicking your work boots off. "Thank god. Ok what's up?" You took a breath then said "Wanna get together tomorrow night? We can go out and get a drink or just hang out at one of our apartments"

"Sure! Sounds good actually!" She said so you glanced around then said "I'll call you later. I've gotten roped into dinner with Alice's future mother in law so I begged Matt to come too. I've got to find something to wear" "Good luck with that" she laughed then added "If you need me just call" before she said goodbye and hung up.

-----------------------

You were sitting between Matt and Alice across from Barbara, Kenzie's mom and her step dad Anthony. "Y/N how have you been sweetie?" You managed a smile when you felt both Alice and Matt squeeze your knee closest to them. 

"I'm good. I mean there's days that's still rough but between Alice, Kenzie, Matt and a few other friends I don't really get to far in my own head before one of them pulls me out" Kenzie shot you a smile before Alice said "She's always been there for all of us" Barbara actually smiled then said "I'm glad Kenzie found Alice. They have their own little family here with all of you" 

The rest of dinner was quite pleasant even though Barbara made sure to ask you twice if you were going to be one of Alice's attendants or one of Kenzie's. "I'll just fill in wherever they need me" you answered with a smile. When the check came Anthony ended up paying for everyone even though you and Matt offered to pay your own bill. "Nonsense. It was good to catch up with both of you along with these two" he said nodding back towards Alice and Kenzie. 

-----------------

When all of you walked out the restaurant Alice and Kenzie were headed to drop Barbara and Anthony back off at their motel so after a round of goodbyes in the parking lot you and Matt watched them drive off before starting to walk towards his place

You had your arm through his and were enjoying the cool night air. "How was your shift?" He asked after a few blocks of silence. You half smiled "We didn't lose anyone so I count that as a damn good shift" he nodded and said "I agree" 

You were starting to do that over thinking thing a lot more recently where Matt was concerned. Mainly the fact that if he wasn't sleeping with you regularly would that open him up to finding something longer lasting? You'd be lying to say you didn't care about Matt, hell you loved him but the love you had for him was the same love you had for Karen,Foggy or Alice. He was your friend and you found comfort in his arms more than one night but more and more you were wondering if maybe you were being selfish and a few startling thoughts about you acting like Billy by continuing to sleep with someone when it was obvious the two of you weren't meant to be together as a couple.

"You're thinking pretty loud over there. I don't need to see your face to know you probably have that little wrinkle between your eyes that pops up when your thoughts get a little too loud"  you glanced at him and saw he was turned a little towards you as you walked. You laid your head over on his shoulder with a sigh "Frank's birthday is tomorrow" it was true that you'd been thinking about that even if it wasn't everything you'd been thinking of. "Oh. Do you wanna do something?" You smiled at the offer "Actually Karen has me claimed for tomorrow night" he smiled then and said "Guess that means I should enjoy having you tonight then huh?"

By then you were at his place so you laughed and said "Exactly Mr Murdock"

--------------------

Matt had court the next morning so after you got breakfast with him you headed home. You needed to call Curtis and see if he'd heard anything and just to think for a little while. 

When Curtis told you that he hadn't heard anything from Frank you decided to try the tracking app for the burner phone you'd thrown into Micro's trunk but that proved fruitless. You should've known Frank would've spotted it and disabled it to keep you out of things for now at least. You knew he just wanted to protect you, even with Maria gone he felt that was his job as far as you were concerned but dammit you wanted to help him.

----------------------

There was nothing you could do but wait. You ended up going to the aquarium and wandering from tank to tank for a couple hours. During the week like this was a bit calmer than when you used to come with Maria and the kids. You still half expected to hear one of their voices calling you to come look at something.

You hadn't noticed the time until your phone started ringing and you saw it was Karen "Your place or mine? I'll get the wine, you grab the takeout" was the first thing out her mouth and that pulled a laugh from you. "Well if wine is involved wanna come to my place? I do have a spare bedroom if you need to crash" she laughed and said "Meet you in an hour" before hanging up.

--------------------------

Two hours and a bottle of wine later you had Karen laughing while you recounted a story from one of your trips to the cabin with the Castles. "I swear I didn't know there was poison ivy but him and Billy both swore I did it on purpose!" 

She covered her mouth with her hand and you could see tears in the corner of her eyes as she laughed "God it's hard to imagine Frank like that" you nodded, taking another sip of wine "That man's still in there. He just has a wall built up. I see the old Frank at times. When he tells me to be careful, when he talks to you and can't help a little smile peeking out, anytime he says attagirl" 

She sighed and laid her head over on her hand "Do you think it'll ever be over? That he'll finally get enough answers to finish it?" You answered as truthfully as you could "God I hope so for all our sake"

You started to steer the conversation back to lighter things while you flicked through movie options. "We need more wine" Karen said with a pout at her empty glass. You handed the remote over then got up to retrieve the second bottle from your kitchen.

You heard your phone ring but before you could tell Karen to answer it the ringing stopped. "Who was that?" You asked as you walked back into the living room. She glanced at your phone and handed it to you with a shrug "Number isn't saved" any number Frank called from would be blocked so you laid the phone down in front of you "If it's important that's what voicemails are for"

------------------------

The following evening you had just gotten home when your phone started ringing. It was a blocked number so you answered it without hesitation "Hello?" "Y/N?" You recognized the voice. It was Micro. "Where is he?" You could hear the edge in your voice and didn't try to hide it.

"He's fine but look I have proof. I need you to know what's really going on" you took a breath then said "Pick me up then" you knew it was reckless to endanger yourself but this asshole had Frank and they'd been radio silent for days. He told you where to meet him so you hung up.

You didn't think you needed your full med bag so you slipped your first aid kit into your purse and was about to walk out the door but decided to err on the side of caution so you grabbed the gun out of your nightstand and put it in the purse as well.

--------------------

You spotted the blue car before it slowed to a stop so you walked to it and climbed in the passenger seat. Micro barely looked your way when you climbed in.

You made it across town before you finally spoke "I know about Sarah, Zach and Leo. I helped Frank track them down. I know why you're trusting him with this but why are you trusting me?" He didn't say anything so at first you thought he'd ignore you until he said "You're his family. You arranged his wife and kids' funeral. You've been around him for most of your adult life. If you believe me after I show you what proof I have he will"

"and if I don't believe you?" You asked and he laughed "then you or him one will shoot me since you probably have the gun he bought you in that bag"

---------------------

He drove around in a complete circle before pulling into some abandoned complex "Did you kill him?" You finally asked once he climbed back into the car after locking the gate behind you.  "No. He's sedated but he's fine" you glared at him and asked "What fucking drugs did you sedate him with?" He nodded at your bag "Nothing as good as you've got believe me"

He pulled into a building and parked so you followed him out and saw Frank laid out on a cot. You started to go to him but Mirco stopped you "See what I have first and listen to what I have to say" your eyes flicked over to Frank's still form twice before you nodded and walked over to the line of computers he sat down in front of.

-------------------------

The mission from Frank's time in Kandahar was code named Cerberus. As it turned out it was never officially sanctioned, meaning CIA agent "Orange" had made Frank and all the men involved into his personal team of hit men. 

You sat down heavily next to Micro as you re-read over the files he'd bought up. "Smuggling, murder, fucking war crimes. They killed Maria and the kids to cover it up. They tried to kill you" he nodded and was watching you closely when he asked "What will Frank say?" You ran a hand across your face then stood up "One way to find out"

You walked over when Frank was still unconscious on the cot. You knew better than to simply shake him from years of sharing a bed with Billy so you stepped far enough away and leaned over to tap him. When he jerked awake you moved back quickly.

You could tell the sedation was still working out his system so you moved forward to help him sit up "Y/N what are you doing here?" He asked when his eyes finally focused "Micro wanted to make sure you didn't shoot him and figured I was the safest bet"

------------------------

A few minutes later Frank was absorbing the information Micro had told you. You stood back leaning against a wall, drinking the cup of coffee Micro had offered Frank. 

Both men were quiet until Frank looked at him "One condition. They all die, no trials" Micro cut his eyes at you apparently trying to gauge your reaction and when you didn't blink he said "Yeah I can live with that" Frank nodded then pointed at you "and you stay away unless we call to let you know it's safe. Don't fucking argue if I'm doing this I need to know you're out of it" "Ok" you agreed because hell what other option did you have? At least he wasn't counting you out completely this time.

------------------

A part of you was tempted to ask Micro to run the number that had called you on Frank's birthday simply because you were curious that no message had been left. You simply chalked it up to a wrong number realized too late.

You knew Frank had him trying to track down a shipment of guns that were coming in to the greeks. Did it worry you knowing that? Yes of course but it also made you worry slightly less because you at least knew some of what Frank was up to even if it meant Micro calling you to bitch or to try to get you on his side in an argument.

The most recent call from Micro had been him asking if he should worry about Frank having Sarah's number and being around his kids. "Frank was an amazing dad. He'd never let anything happen to them on his clock" was what you'd told him and that seemed to pacifier him slightly. 

------------------------

You were walking into a store when your phone started ringing and you saw it was Curtis. "Hey Curt. What's up?" You greeted walking down an aisle, trying to find the specific type of cereal Ms Johnson had asked if you could pick up on your run. "You know Lewis right?" You paused then said "Yeah the kid from your group. He's a bit messed up from being over there and won't accept the help he needs" 

You grabbed a box of the cereal then headed for checkout after grabbing yourself a drink. "Yeah he's trying to apply to Anvil" "Oh Curt you can't let that go down. He needs help not to be thrown back into another war zone. He's not capable of having those men and women's backs" you replied before he even had a further chance to elaborate. He let out a huff of air then said "Yeah that's what I thought too, just wanted a second opinion"  "Anytime Curt" the two of you said goodbye right before it was your turn at the register.

---------------------

After you dropped the cereal off with Ms Johnson you headed up to your apartment to grab a shower. You were supposed to meet Karen when she got off so you focused on that instead of the thousand other things running through your head at the moment.

--------------------

"Karen I really don't know what to do here" you confessed sitting across the table from her. Frank was of course not a subject that could be talked about in public so instead you had bought up the conflict you were feeling where Matt was concerned. "You two have been really honest with each other from the start of this thing. I think if you just tell him how you're feeling he'll understand" she was trying to reassure you but you still weren't sure. 

"What if I'm just projecting the way I felt towards Billy onto myself? What if Matt decides that if I say I want to drop the intimate aspect of our relationship he doesn't want me in his life anymore? I love him as much as I love Alice, Kenzie and you but I don't think I could ever love him in the way he loved Elektra or I loved Billy. I just don't want to lose him either though" you felt a bit foolish but also relieved getting the thoughts out in the open. She shrugged "Give yourself a little more time to truly think over what you want but if you still feel the same Matt is not going to remove you from his life. He cares about you too much. I'm proof he really can be friends with someone he's dated"

You nodded and about that time the waitress came over with the menus. "Now let's decide what to eat because I need to tell you what Ellison did" she said with a grin that told you a laugh was coming at his expense.

------------------------

You were still thinking about Matt the next morning. Frank had contacted you just so you knew Micro had found the shipment and that he was going after it that night. You were glad he was holding onto his end of the deal to keep you enough in the loop that at the very least you could make sure to be far enough away from anything to have plausible deniability.

You decided to meet him for coffee before he went into court since by the time he'd be getting out you'd be headed into work.

You walked in the diner and smiled when you saw him sitting in the corner booth the two of you usually grabbed. You sat across from him and he smiled "Hey" "Hey yourself" you replied letting your hand brush gently against his. You enjoyed spending time with him, the sex was amazing, he was everything you should have wanted but you couldn't give him the pieces of your heart that had been shattered and you felt like you were holding him back from finding someone who could be in love with him not just love him.

You hadn't realized how long you'd been sitting there without saying anything until Kaitlyn sat a cup of coffee in front of you. You stirred from your thoughts and moved to add sugar. You could tell Matt knew something was off. After Kaitlyn walked off he reached across for your hand again. You let him grab it and smiled at how gentle he was with you "Y/N are you ok?" You nodded then thought about it so you said "Yeah Matt I..I'm just a little tired"

The little frown that slipped onto his face told you he'd picked up on that lie so you quickly said "Can we get together later this week? I work back to back the next two days but then I'll have a free night" "Of course" he replied with a small smile before pulling his hand away from you to drink his own coffee.

By the time the two of you were ready to go both of you were smiling. You kissed him on the cheek and said "Kick their assess in court today" he kissed your forehead in return and said "Go save some lives"

------------------

You were laid back across your bunk half asleep when a call came in for a one vehicle accident near pier nine. 

You felt a jolt go through you when you remembered Frank saying that's where the hijack was going down. "Shit" you muttered under your breath as you and Alice ran out to the bay. She cut her eyes at you but didn't say a word.

-------------------

You weren't sure what you were expecting when you rolled on scene but finding a Homeland agent near a totaled mustang wasn't near the top of the list.

You were on your knees next to her checking her over for other injuries while Alice secured a neckbrace and the two of you strapped her onto a gurney. "What'd you say her name was?" You asked the agent who'd met the rig. He'd introduced himself as Sam Stein. "Dinah..Madani"

You nodded and leaned back across her "Agent Madani. I'm Y/N. This is my partner Alice. Do you remember what happened" she blinked against the light you were checking her eyes with and that was a good sign.  "I flipped my car" she mumbled and you nodded "Ok. We're gonna take you to the hospital to get you checked over. From what I can see the concussion is the biggest worry but you could have internal damage. Your ribs don't appear to be broken but you'll need some xrays to rule it out completely"

"Ok" she said weakly so you looked back to Sam "You following us Agent Stein?" He looked around then said "Um yeah I guess so" you helped Alice load her up then shut the door and looked back at him "Homeland or not don't tailgate me" 

--------------------------

The following morning as soon as you got home your phone started ringing the moment you stepped in the door. "Did Micro tap into my buildings security cameras?" You asked and heard Frank chuckle "Possibly. How's agent Madani?" "She'll live. Did you have a hand in that?" "Possibly" you shook your head then asked "Was she conscious when you pulled her out?"

You took his silence as answer enough and simply said "We'll deal with those consequences later then..did you get what you went after?" "Yeah look sweetheart.. She's probably going to start questioning people once she's back on her feet...Zubair was her partner"

You closed your eyes and fought the urge to scream. Why the fuck did he always have to bury the lead? After taking a deep breath you said "Fuck it, all she can do is ask questions. She has no proof. Who will she question? Me, Curt and Karen. None of us are saying shit. Don't worry about me. I can handle her" "Oh I know you can" he replied then told you where Micro would meet you later to bring you to their hideout and what medical supplies he may need just to have on hand.

"See you then" you said then hung up. Fuck every time you thought you were ready for what came next a curveball would smack you right upside the head.

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

[eddsworld-for-real-justice-2]

okay im sorry but i keep thinking about Jon's justification for siding with the TBATF crew. There's so much I have to say so I'm gonna do it in bullet points so I can keep all my thoughts together-- I hope thats okay. (sources from tbatf-callout and here because holy shit is it hard to find archives of this stuff.)

He's weighing his own experience with two sexual assault allegations and the person who was suicide baited by Jax.

He, himself, is someone on the Eddsworld crew. The TBATF crew are very obviously invested in Eddsworld, and appear to want to be involved with the production of the show itself on some level (see: Jax being a fucking mod on their server for a while, the art she's produced for them, the fact that they've been tagging Matt Lobster in their tweets, etc.). Of fucking course they aren't going to be rude to Jon, he's a fucking artist on the goddamn show. Idk about you, but I'd probably be extra nice to someone like that if I were in Jax or Kenz's position.

The TBATF team were calling their detractors "dEddheads." Regardless of how you feel about the allegations, using that sort of term against anyone in the Eddsworld fandom is INCREDIBLY disrespectful. A crew member on the show of all people should fucking know this.

The fucking scene where edd is sexually assaulted (1) (2) (3) and its played off as a joke. I don't think I need to comment on why that's fucked up. (note the ""disclaimer"" that they put in only AFTER people rightfully asked them what the fuck they were thinking.)

Even after all of this-- the sexual assault allegations, the suicide baiting allegations, the use of the term "deddhead," and the rape joke that they tried to damage control, Jon (who, again, is a member of the show the tbatf crew loves) believes that his experience outweighs everything else.

Jon is an official member of the Eddsworld crew. I need to stress that. I feel like theres a big fat difference between a fan defending TBATF and a fucking CREW MEMBER defending them.

What kind of fucking internal rot does the crew have where they keep protecting shitty people? what the fuck is wrong with them?

//sidenote b4 i send this in: Jon says this in his defense of the crew.

I think it'd be one thing if the crew had just, like... made a bad joke and recognized it and apologized or something like that. hell, if they had just... acknowledged that the assault scene with edd specifically was fucked up and that they were sorry and wouldnt do it again and ended up actually doing better, i wouldnt have even brought it up. but instead they doubled down on it, and they tried to say edd "liked it" only AFTER everyone blew up on them. and this isnt even to mention the fucking irl sexual assault allegations or the suicide baiting or any of that which, yknow, kinda seems MORE than just a "fuck up" that wasnt "malicious with their intentions" or whatever.

God, I hate this fucking crew.

jon is such a fucking lost cause at this point. if he doesn't recognize by now that this shit is not only real but is also only going to get worse if he just stands by, who KNOWS when it's finally gonna start hitting him. the longer he just leaves these people like this the more people are gonna get roped into it and get hurt. what he needs is to take a step back and really weigh their actions towards other people versus their actions towards him. and it looks like what he wants is the exact opposite.

so far, i've noticed a running trend with the entire eddsworld crew, not just jon: people don't stop to think about what they're doing before they do it. none of the writers stopped to think about putting a pedo joke OR and ableist joke in beaster bunny. bing didn't stop to think that antagonizing a whole group of people for liking a ship is a really shitty thing to do, ESPECIALLY after a lot of the drama taking place died 3-4 years ago. and now jon.

it's abundantly clear he's not thinking critically about this.

and while i would say that what we need to do is to tell him to get off his ass and do something about it (which we should still do), if it takes less time for teenagers to recognize what's going on compared to a grown ass man who probably knows about even MORE shitty things these people have done...

he shouldn't be in a respected position in the first place.

[hongism]

if you're still doing the kpop group thing, what about NCT 127??

oOOF miss daija this is gonna be painful i can feel it akjdsflkfjdagsffjwek okay but like haechan is still BABIE in my eyes and i don’t care how old he is i’m just like :D babie :D

Make out with: mark :(( bc :(( baby jk but like i would love to make out with mark what that tongue do boy

Go down on: johnny 👁👁 bc he deserves that good suck and i would love to provide

Go down on me: taeyong bc rappers have skilled tongues and that would be great and even if miss kenz says he’s a bottom i reFUSE IT

Touch under a table during dinner: yuta bc boy teasing and playing with him would be hella fun and i would adore doing that to him pls and thank you

Fuck in a bathroom stall: jaehyun can have me whenever and wherever and however he wants

Mark up: taeyong bc he has really pretty and nice and beautiful skin and whew it would look even better marked up

Tie up: jungwoo is a pretty boy and he would be pretty in ropes just sayin

Edge: i think teasing jaehyun would be bundles of fun so it would be very fun to edge him like whew pls that would be amazing

Overstimulate: yuta would be a pretty boy when overstimulated bc he would be whiny and loud and pls

Dominate: doyoung bc even though i think he’s a dom i think he would be a very pretty whiny boy :(

Be dominated by: jaehyun pls bc dom jaehyun is all i need to say

Have a threesome with: oh god who to choose maybe taeyong and yuta?? ahhhh but jaehyun??? ahhh i don’t know

Top: taeyong oop- kenz is still incorrect about him being a bottom buT i would still like it

Bottom for: there is a long list of people i would bottom for but first up on my list is johnny bc that man is a dom and sign me uP

Fuck: jaehyun let’s get it boi wink wonk I'm jk i’m not being serious but akfsdjklj i would still be dtf jaehyun

Make love to: taeil :( sweet babie boi :( i would love to make love to him