#(even if hers doesn't manifest in the same way as mine does)

[thelaurenshippen]

as a fellow artist, I often fear putting anything out there that contains too much of me. I create with a sort of blanket, or safety net - never publish anything that's too close, or too accurate. And yet I am well aware that that is exactly what I look for in the art I enjoy: the uncensored reality of being human. I look to feel less alone. To feel more human. I first learned this with the bright sessions. Getting to see characters stripped bare and turned inside out with such detail - it made me realise what I'd been missing in my art for many years. I have been working on it for over a year, but every day I keep being paralysed by the fear that what I make will unrevocably reveal me. I'll know everything that's in there, even though others may not. I'll have to let it go. You've talked about how Sam's anxiety is close to your own experience. And I wonder, how do you bear it? How do you bear putting such a huge part of yourself out there, outside of your control? And not just that, but all the effort you've put in to make it work? All the hours spent and the frustration and the euphoria - was it worth it?

oh wow, this is SUCH a great question. this truly is such a huge part of so much art and certainly a massive part of mine.

it means a lot that finding The Bright Sessions helped you realize that that kind of vulnerability is what you want in your art!! it's something that is so core to that particular work, and whenever it makes anyone feel less alone, or connected to other people in some way, it does make it all worth it (and more on that in a sec).

I completely understand the fear and the struggle of putting yourself in your art but to me it is so freeing. I had never told anyone about my panic attacks before writing them into Sam. giving her my same disorder and expressing my feelings through her was SO much easier than being vulnerable with anyone in my real life at that time. and that's still true for a lot of things - sometimes I need to work something out in my fiction before I can express it to the people I'm closest too.

but that said, there's also a lot in my fiction that is pure imagination. and there's a lot in my fiction that IS from the deepest parts of me, but I don't even realize that until later. but as you said, that doesn't mean people are going to know which is which. what you choose to tell people about which parts are inspired by real life is up to you. which, to me, is a wonderful kind of shield. you'll know everything, but you get to release it into the world - maybe excise it from you in the process if it's something negative that's been weighing you down - without the terrifying process of actually talking about yourself directly.

the flip side of this is, of course, that people may attribute certain things to you that are not from your experience, for good or for ill. through the years I have had people assume all kinds of things about me - from the opinions I hold to the neurotypicality/atypicality of my brain - that couldn't be further from the truth.

you cannot control how people engage with your art. sometimes that'll manifest in someone telling you that your art deeply touched them in a way that you could never have anticipated and sometimes it'll be the opposite and someone will assume the worst about you. and I'll be honest, that rejection cuts deep. at various points in my public creative career, I've had to change the way that I engage with online spaces or limit my time in order to protect my squishy little heart.

but I truly believe the best art is emotionally honest art. and even if you make something that isn't revealing in a scary way, people might still reject it and that will still sting. if you internalize every single opinion about your art, you will drive yourself completely mad. you have to make your art for you and trust other people out there will embrace it, which they will. but once you share art, it does leave your control, and accepting that is one of the hardest but absolutely most crucial parts of being a public artist.

so, I guess, to answer your question (I am incapable of being brief I'm so sorry), I bear it because the alternative is that I don't share the art at all. and I do make art that I don't share, but the experience of even one person connecting with my art is so wonderful, it's worth all the potential downsides. as for all the hours put into it, the strife and euphoria, all that is worthwhile because, for me, the process of making is a huge chunk of what makes being an artist fulfilling. if we're talking more practically about making a living as an artist and the feeling of "was it worth it" when it comes to hours of hard work yielding little in the way of career growth, that's a different beast, but in terms of "was it worth it even though no one connected with it/people rejected it", my answer is yes. because I connected with it.

always make art for yourself first. I truly believe there's an audience for everything but never forget that you are your target audience!

[musical-chick-13]

Oh, we are in DANGER territory, my dudes.

[knightyoomyoui]

TWICE Sana x M/F Reader - "I Want It That Way"

I'M BACK. After 3 months of no update, your one and only Knight Yoo-Myoui returns to bring you readers more stories in my book. Author's been in a really tough situation especially last month, but that still ain't gonna be enough to take out my passion and motivation to continue writing for both mine and your entertainment. I'm gonna continue this as long as I can. However, from now on; please understand and expect that I won't be updating very often like weekly or everyday as before. Studies is my current priority as of the moment but I promise that I will always update yall. Actually though, this new kind of pacing for both my writing procedure and publishing has somehow lessen the pressure in me. I'm really liking it so far, makes me comfortable. This story is requested by ShaShaSha029 BUT..., sorry Sha because I made some changes on your requested plot hehe. I already made the same concept from my previous works so I used your other request from another member to come up with something new that I haven't done yet. And as for the other member you requested to me, I'll give you a brand new plot for her. I hope you and the readers will like this. Enjoy reading! STREAM "I GOT YOU" and "ONE SPARK" MVs btw!

"I'm going home, guys. I'll leave the office to you all."

YN/LN, a current 4th year student from Cheongnamdong Polytechnic University and the campus' ongoing president of the student council, has just finished your tasks for today and is now about to depart from their office and send your goodbyes to your fellow members kindly to end the day on a positive note.

"Be safe on your way home, Pres!"

"You too."

You continued walking after sending him all the bright greetings, but before passing to your own cubicle and reaching the door, it opened. You then heard some footsteps behind it until a familiar figure made its presence known in front of you.

You watched your classmate, friend, and the secretary of their council, Yoo Janghoon, peeking at the door with a weird smile before you find him standing on your way.

Janghoon then approached YN.

"Seems like you're about to leave."

"Yeah." You nodded. " What's with your smile in your face? You look like you just saw something amusing.", he said in a judgmental look.

"Not with my own eyes, but the words I've heard are enough to picture her on mind." Janghoon smirked and bounced his brows.

"Her? You're into hunting chicks again?"

"Idiot, I have a girlfriend now, ofcourse I'm not." Janghoon mocked YN as he was about to throw a punch. "But seriously though, not even me could deny that it really does interest me."

"Why, what's going on out there?"

"Well, I've heard from my acquaintances from the other courses that there's a newly transferred female student here in the campus earlier after the class break."

"That late?"

"Yeah, I was a bit confused too but they said the professor just let it passed because they said that her documents were finalized at the last minute so that's why." YN hummed to react.

"And would you like to enlighten me what's so interesting with this random transferee student? I mean, no offense. Welcome aboard to the university but... what's special?"

"Dude, I'm telling you, it's not just "random", this girl was a legit bombshell. Based from how they described her, it was like when she stepped on the room, they felt like there was a legit goddess that got manifested into reality."

"And that's it?"

"Y-yeah... but you know and I know, dude. Our university has been missing it's "queen" for quite some time now. And probably the students are making noise about it is because they see a huge potential on her."

"Okay. Well, I do hope she doesn't feel overwhelmed with the attention she's about to receive on the next days of her stay here."

"But we're here as the council officers to take control, right?"

"Exactly." you nodded. "Anyways, gotta go now. I still have a family dinner not to miss."

"Alright, take care pres."

"You too, sec."

You left the office and the campus with a curiosity forming in your heart and mind on the identity of this woman that has been the center of the gossips you were unaware of due to how busy you are on the duties.

Arrived at home, you entered and got welcomed by your mother who is preparing their table for a lovely dinner tonight while your father is busy watching basketball on the living room.

"Good evening, mom."

"Good eve, YN. Tired?", she said while placing the plates on the table.

"Not that much but I would be glad to rest as always.", you spoke with a timid smile.

"Perfect, meal's coming right up real soon. Join your father there, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, mom."

You walked near to your father and greeted him courteously. You sat beside him and laid your back comfortably on the soft cushion of the couch to release all the pent-up exhaustion your body has consumed on today's packed class schedule.

Minutes later, your mother commands both you and your father to position yourselves on the seats. Each grabbing their own meal, all of you started praying first before taking your first bites and swallow on such a delicious food.

"Uhm, dear. We want to talk to you about something." Your mother inserted a topic to be discussed.

"Sure, mom. I'll be listening. What is it about?"

"It's like a business talk but this also concerns about your personal life too, YN which we much rather prioritize." Your father said after swallowing his throat. "We meet up with our partners on the company regarding this and we all come to an agreement."

"Agreement to what?"

"Me and your mother are placing you in an arrangement contract with their child."

"Wait, come again?"

"Arrangement contract. It means we set you up with someone as your age to date and marry one day, and we figured out that to strengthen the connection between us, we decided to-"

"Yes, wait. I know that part, dad but... why need to? Wasn't it too early? I get that you want me to have a wife and a family someday but... it's not one of my priorities so far.", you complained.

"YN, please do understand that your mother and I ain't be getting younger as time goes on. Someday, you'll be alone, and we just wanted to give you another family that you would be glad to remain and... hopefully, to remember us like how we raised you from the beginning."

"But wasn't this too fast? You're making me rush things."

Both sides went silent, as the father felt guilty also for how true your words are.

"It's my life. You may be the one who gave me that but I developed and earned a right to decide what's right for my future."

"We know, son... but we had no choice. It's for the sake also of our business. You know that we have to keep it to the mountain top so that we don't have our efforts of raising it go to waste, especially when this is the main reason how me and your mother were able to give you a better life that you deserve. And some way or another, you will be for sure, the one who will take the mantle and own my properties. You can use it also to raise your family easier."

"We are not forcing you to do this, YN. Please, we just wanted to inform you and talk about this because you also have a side and opinion to be heard. Whatever your answer may be, we will respect it. We are just suggesting, but hopefully you can consider it, honey." Your mother's soft voice effectively kept you at ease more.

Taking deep breaths and a short length of silence to contemplate, you looked at them both as you made your choice. "Fine. This is because I love you both and I owe you two everything. I'm doing it."

They both smiled in relief. "Thank you for this, son/daughter."

"No problem. So... can you tell me more about this contract?"

"Well it's simple, an arranged contract but we requested to have you and the girl we chose to spend 30-days or let's say a month to get to know each other and figure things out if you two would believe that everything will work out as a couple." Your father explained.

"And who's the girl that you guys have prepared for me?"

"They have an only child just like us, and it's an easier idea to place her because as we learned, their daughter is currenly in search of finding somebody to love."

"Sadly, we're unalike."

"But she may be able to change your mind, on whatever that hold your heart back. You accepted the offer, now you just have to see how she really is, but we're certainly sure that she's good just like her parents."

"And what's her name?"

"We haven't been introduced nor asked for her name, but from what we know, her nickname should be "Minatozaki", and is Japanese. She was also studying now at the same campus as yours."

"I'll try to look for her and maybe we can talk there privately."

"Whatever you want, YN. Just keep us updated okay?"

"Noted." You replied before everyone returned on focusing to finish their foods.

The next day, you were a bit irritated from how the discussion last night distracts you in the middle of your duty. You couldn't concentrate at the curiousity that dwells inside of you.

So you decided to to take a break outside. You encountered a vacant spot to breathe some fresh air and drink at the iced coffee you prepared on your tumbler as you roam your eyes around at your surroundings.

That's where you spotted some group of students huddling around at a spot near the bulletin board, as if they're being crazy or attentive at something.

Eager to find out the rucus, you approached the scenario and tried to peek around, and there you noticed a female student entertaining the other fellow students by asking her randomly and even asking for some pictures like she is a celebrity.

As she turned around, her long chestnut colored hair flips around as if it denied the gravity, her side profile appeared, until it all fully rotated to have her face evident at you for the first time.

And my oh my the rumors shared by your secretary were true.

No wonder why she was already popular, she does look magnificent, enough to be mistaken as a famous personality.

Your eyes couldn't leave the sight of her just doing everything even in such bare minimum if movements that still effortlessly made her very attractive. Thankfully, there's your boy distracting you as you snapped back when you felt a shoulder wrapped on your neck.

"You finally met her." Janghoon said, smirking at you. "From what I heard earlier, the exchange student's name's Minatozaki Sana. She's a foreigner, a Japanese to be specific."

"Minatozaki?" Your thoughts murmured. Contemplating if you heard it right, but that was the same surname your father was tasked you to find, and she even has the same nationality.

Having exchange students in your campus are very rare.

You are flabbergasted as you slowly realize that... this woman is going to be the one you'll date and marry.

Unconsciously, you turned around at Janghoon with your forehead crumpled and mouth slightly gaped.

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

"Oh n-no. Not-thing." You shook your head swiftly. Returning your gaze back at her, you couldn't believe it at all that your parents and her friends does picked a perfect girl for you.

But you wondered if it could be said the same about you.

Hours later, Sana who was about to enjoy her recess, instead went to the council office to meet the president, as per the classmates told her after being tasked to do so.

She stepped in front of the door that says "Student Council Office, knock twice before entering". She followed and slowly pushed the doorknob. A person sitting at the far end of the room, looking busy on his desk greeted her.

As the door closed, it alarmed the president that the person is now here for a scheduled conversation, only that when you raised your head, you looked at her having a shocked reaction.

Sana stares at the reveal of this mysterious person that runs the entire student government of the campus. Flashbacks began to run back into her mind, slowly making her upset.

"Thank you for agreeing to come here and t-"

"Am I looking at this very clearly?" Sana immediately spoke.

"Pardon?"

"You? Out of everyone here... was chosen to become a leader?"

"W-what? Settle down, miss. I think you n-"

"A representative figure for everyone, and I get to be under your orders around here?" Sana chuckled bitterly. "I didn't know that even after years later, we'll still have our paths crossing onto each other despite how I wanted to never meet you in my life again."

"D-do we know each other?"

Sana scoffed as she looked at you ridiculously. "Ofcourse, how could you recognize me. First of all, I was just a complete nothing to you. A plaything of your cruel antics and delinquent actions. And second, I'm not the same girl you used to belittle everyday."

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked at her intently. "W-what... you..."

"Still doesn't ring a bell? Oh, how about this. The name Minatozaki Sana? That fat nerdy girl back in elementary that you used to bully so hard in our 8th year that forced her to transfer to other school. How about that?"

Your eyes sprung open as you instantly remember the name and that student you used to include in one of your prime victims in your dark past.

That description of her past self brought you back to the times when you remembered looking for her first to rather mock, annoy, or play with her until her feelings broke and look helpless.

You were a bully before in elementary days, and she was your classmate back then. But that was all only the past now as you are now a changed person, with all the better and positive things that came into your life had taught you more valuable and nice things to consider yourself reevaluating your personality.

But it looks like it could tell the opposite for Sana's part.

"I remember you now, Sana. And... please, let me tell you right now that I'm not the same person you used to despise before."

"Do you really think I'll be fooled easily by that?" Sana retorted. "We just met after what... 7 years and you're supposed to have me believing that when in fact, I still look at you as that same horrific figure I never should've want to see again, but yet here you are."

Sana still didn't took a seat. She walked around and observed the room. You were a bit relieved that all of your council members are absent in this tense confrontation. "What a hypocrisy it is to have you getting involved in an organization that focuses on student rights when in fact, you have a record of violating it before. Shouldn't be a student fitting for that must be... clean?"

"Sana, believe me or not, I changed. I wouldn't even dare to take this position if I'm not sincere for it, and I'm not forcing you to believe me."

"Oh, ofcourse you should. Because I really don't buy everything that comes into your mind not until I see it" Sana shook her head and smugged. "Maybe it'll change my mind of me planning to expose you from every-"

"Wait! You can't be serious?"

"Oh indeed I am." Sana clicked her tongue. "You ruined me before, but here I am who helped myself and from people I loved to become this better version of mine to stand here in front of you, I'm going to get you this time, YN. I'm going to make you feel what is it like being... excluded."

She leaned forward on the desk, staring at you sharply and observing your nervous expression. "But...if there's some sort of a miracle that... you did changed. Then you're going to prove it on me. Make me convinced that this YN I hate with every fiber of my being is... gone."

"What if I tell you that you already have a chance to make me?"

"And that is?"

"Have you heard about an arrangement contract from your parents?"

"Y-yeah... but they don't tell me who it is because- WAIT" Sana quickly lunged back away from you. "Please tell me who I'm thinking is correct."

"Sorry to tell you but I was just in denial as you are yesterday."

"Oh God." Sana poured out the biggest disappointment she felt in her entire life so far. "W-why does my fate has to be very unlucky everytime when it's about you? Me being in an arranged contract with you? I think I have to vomit."

"Wait! But you said you want me to prove that I changed?"

"And you really think I want it this way?" Sana looked at you disgusted. "Being as this fabled student council president or just a random student from me would be fine but... YOU AS MY FIANCE? That won't do, mister." Sana swayed her pointing finger. "Unfortunately, the answer would be NO. Now please, I have to go already. I still have a lunch to take before I lose my appetite."

Sana walked away from you and left the room unbotheredly. You sat there, back falling flat on your swivel chair. Your hands caressed your hair as you reacted unbelievably and stunned that this heavily improved Sana that you used to know many years before has returned to actually be your woman, but unfortunately, her hatred for you still lives on her till this day.

Her opposal didn't worked however, as Sana tried to request later during dinner, she was informed by her parents that the contract can only be cancelled after 30-days for the people to finally reassure their decision.

She mentioned that YN and her have a bad history in the past, but instead her parents reasoned out that maybe YN has changed and it will not hurt to give another chance. If only they know what the real reason it is, but Sana was clearly affected by their suggestion because honestly, Sana is a forgiving soft type of person.

Still, confident that she's satisfied with her answer, she became impatient and hated being with YN more.

Meanwhile, you shared to your mother about how the unlikedness of you and Sana's interests about the marriage arrangement in a deatiled manner.

"We met and had a talk, but... it wasn't as proper and civil as I expected because, I was surprised that she confessed something very familiar to me. Something that I've been trying to get it out on my head. Something that I wanted to let go for a long time."

"What was she to you before?"

"A nuisance, even though she wasn't doing even wrong. I look at her before thinking it wasn't right for her to be in this type of high class campus that I study at too, but then I figured out that me ending up bullying and making her emotional and mental state suffer is way worse than she is."

You flinched when your mother slapped you in the head. "What??? How could you bully someone?! Is that how we raised you?"

"Mom, wait ofcourse no... but, I was just made to be like that because of what happened to us, you know that!"

Your mother became speechless and a glimpse of pity became visible to you. "But it's all good now, mom. I'm not like that anymore, I'm telling you.  And that's what I should've just wanted to prove to Sana but... I understand that she won't let me anymore. I broke her too much, I can't let it happen again."

Stepping closer in front of you, she placed her hands gently on your shoulders to massage them and make your ease down. "Even I was mad and disappointed that you once turned into that type of guy you never should be, but I know from the bottom of my heart that you will always be a good kid of mine because that's how I raised you to be. You just got affected too much by our struggles before. And I believe you always, YN. The only thing I can do now for you to support you, and that is for you to keep on moving forward and never stop to make Sana forgive you, alright?"

"I will. Thanks, mom."

She patted you on the cheek. "Goodluck, okay? You have a month to do it."

----------

"Okay, class dismissed. Group 1, remember to prepare your report by next week okay?"

"Yes, prof!", the students who are part of the group that the professor mentioned chanted.

The professor left the room, leaving the students have the freedom to eat lunch during their vacant time.

"Sana, cmon! Did you bring a lunch with you?", one of Sana's classmates asked her while she's clearing her table.

"No, I'm gonna buy for today."

"Nice, let's go!"

Sana brought her wallet and cellphone with her, joins her newfound friends named Miyeon and Sullyoon as they make their way out to the classroom.

However, as they were about to, a figure suddenly pops out of the doorway, stopping their tracks. The two classmates of hers had a visible shock in their faces unlike to Sana, her bright mood quickly shrank down into a gloomy one.

"Hi, sorry if I'm almost late." You straightened your lips. "Good thing I was about to catch you leaving yet, let's go eat lunch together."

Miyeon and Sullyoon's jaw dropped at the student council president's proposal. Sana's eyebrows knitted hardly. "Huh? What nonsense are you saying?"

"Why? I'm just going to invite you to eat with me?"

"With you?" Sana scoffed and chuckled. "You have the guts, I'll give you that... but NO." Sana leaned forward at you to say this.

"Let's go girls."

Sana was just commanding her classmates and taking a step again away from you but in her surprise, she felt her body being pulled by a force. She tried to process what happened, and there she found her skin contacting with yours as she stood by your side...

with your hands wrapped around her waist.

Miyeon and Sullyoon's eyes largened in utter shock at what they're seeing. They couldn't believe that such a new transferee would get to gain closeness and change the behavior of the famously respected and knowned leader of the students around the campus.

Sana's lungs skipped functioning as soon as she felt your fingers dug deeper into her skin. Her face then starts to turn red and her face showing almost hilariously stunned reaction, with no hint of an idea what has turned you to be like this today.

"Pardon me for Sana's antics right now, we just had a fight yesterday and I wanted to come up a solution to fix that." You said in a melodic and apologetic tone to them. Sana was dumbfounded at the ridiculous fake words you are talking about.

"W-wha"

Sana wasn't able to finish her words, when she felt herself getting pulled again, now squeezed against your body which intensified her heartbeat and blushes.

"So, please. Can we eat together today, love?"

Any words that are synonym to what I mentioned earlier can be heavily applied now to all three women witnessing the sudden change of the president's act.

You led the way, bringing Sana with you as both crossed the hallway with the confused and flabbergasted duo following on the back while some of the students can see the two having this kind of contact has began to grab attention.

As they reached the cafeteria, Miyeon and Sullyoon shyly approached the "couple". "Uhm, Sana. I think we can just eat sometime. We'll let you have you two your private time okay?"

"B-but w-"

"Thank you for being considerate on us, girls." You smiled humbly at them and they nodded before they left you and Sana to find their own seat. As the two of you remained, Sana's face crumpled and seethed much air to unleash her full force on escaping to your touch.

She quickly unhooks your arm on her waist, pushed you aside, and punched you in the shoulder. "Oww!"

"Seriously, what the hell did you do to me, YN?!" Sana started to bicker out on you. "How come you just started to spit out and let my friends hear and see you assuming that we have a relationship now, huh?! Did you ate something bad that had you acting like crazy today?"

"Nope. I'm perfectly fine, and what I did there earlier, consider getting used to that." You replied. "Because from now on, I'll be going to do it with you again and again and again a-"

"Woah wait no what?!" Sana paused you. "And why is that, huh? I haven't even agreed yet on the deal-"

"But was the contract got cancelled?"

Sana fell speechless. She remembered yesterday that she swore to dump the contract by requesting to her parents after she gave her disapproval. However, she failed to do so.

You took her silence as yes. "I suppose it didn't. If it does, my parents would've informed me immediately."

"Yeah yeah yeah, you won. So what? You still can't just do it like that to me randomly. I still haven't gave you the consent to touch me or do anything lovey dovey around me. Just because the contract states that we are arranged to be a couple that doesn't mean I can let you easily do everything free around me. Especially when the fact that I still hate you so much." Sana pointed at you as she stares deeply within you.

"Alright, fine. You do have a point. I shouldn't have done it. It's my fault, I made you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry for that." You spoke in a calm tone. Sana got her insides tugged at your sudden softer behavior. "But just know this, I hope you can let me do these with everything I can. No matter how much you deny, we are still stuck in an arranged contract that has a month allowed on us to come up on a decision if we'll take a marriage, and that gives each of us the right to do what couples does.

And I'm going to use it also, for me to prove myself to you that I've changed through all these years, Sana. Consider it me acting or say whatever you want, but when it comes to you, I'll show my improved self and nothing less than that." You said plainly to her. Sana is just listening at you patiently, sticking out important details to her mind while her emotions were a bit being brought by your committed words.

"I can't force you to love me back and have our marriage settled someday after the deadline comes, I wasn't even into love these days but I had no choice but to follow. But, I really do hope that before or when these all ends, I can hear you saying that I am now forgiven."

Sana was struggling to come up for a words to answer, and you took the opportunity to let her have time to remember and process everything as you locate a seat and bought foods for both of you. You left the still pissed off Sana became completely silent and come back to join her in an awkward lunch together.

That went on and on, with you trying to get along with Sana through most of the occasions. You supposed to take it all as a yes coming from Sana that you were being a chance to prove everything to her that you are not this same bad person she used to resist before.

With your frequent actions around Sana led to the campus knowing also about your rumored relationship with her.. Some were supportive that the president finally get to have a girlfriend such perfect as Sana while some were not due to the reason of jealousy most concerning about the fact that they are not the ones standing on the shoes or position of either you or Sana.

That didn't affected both of you, especially Sana who is trying her best to become unbothered with all of these because she is too tired to explain it to many people for some truth that everyone wouldn't accept easily. She knows it all to herself anyway that it's all part of the act, that none of them are interested with each other or has a growing fond being developed.

Not until one day, she accidentally finds you tutoring a female student in the library. She saw how entertained you are on how easily the girl gets to understand quickly with your teaching, thus turning you both looking happy together.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable at the scene, her lips unconsciously forming into a frown. Sana instead leaves the room and went on to return with her friends who noticed her bad mood as she buried her head around her crossed arms on the desk.

It all procceeded until their next subject when the girls tried to approach her about it. "Hey, Sana what's with the grumpy look?" Miyeon said as she peeked at Sana who looks completely out.

"You weren't participating with us lightly, what happened when you left the room earlier?" Sullyoon added.

"Yeah, you seemed in a no good mood."

"Nothing." Sana blabbered.

"Was it YN?"

"I said NOTH-" Sana paused and realized that she just made herself obvious, Miyeon and Sullyoon were just staring at her.

"Welp, that confirms it." Sana sighed. "Care to tell us what's the problem?"

She remained silent. She wasn't sure why she's getting a bit embarassed to reveal it until she also got nervous when her friends began to list down some of the possible things a couple creates problems.

"Was he cold to you today?"

"Hmm maybe you're the one who's not?"

"Or... could it be somebody's jealous-"

"What, no?!" Sana rapidly reacted. Miyeon and Sullyoon exchanged a "gotcha" look.

"Oh unnie, you're too obvious." Miyeon laughed.

"Jealous of what? Or should we say, who?" Sullyoon curiously asked.

"S-stop! I said it's nothing, okay! There's no chance in hell that I am jealous because of him." Sana made a "tch" sound on her mouth. "I don't even like him at all." She rolled her eyes as she whispered it, barely to be heard by her friends who returned focusing on their own. As she was left alone with her trouble, her eyes went staring at the window, she sighed deeply as she felt a strange regret inside her after saying those words while remembering what she saw back in the library.

As if she meant it.

Hours later, Sana bids goodbye to Miyeon and Sullyoon before she walked at the hallway all by herself. She stopped on her steps when she felt this unsettling feeling near her shoulder.

Her head goes turning around, searching for something but was unsuccessfully. Sana sighed and shook her head. "YN isn't coming. That guy/girl is a student council president, Sana. He/she's probably busy." she muttered to herself.

Sana continued to move, with a blank face and a moderate speed. As the afternoon light about to engulf her, she felt her sling bag slowly float, the weight she's carrying quickly became lighter.

Her breath got taken away shortly in surprise until she realized what caught her from that action.

It was you, smiling while standing beside her as you taking off her bag gently from her shoulder.

"May I?"

Sana didn't respond, she just let her arm spread a bit to let the strap fall, easily allowing it to fall from your posession.

"You do look like having a bad day." you peeked at her expression. Sana slightly got shy, and turns her face away as she pouted while rolling her eyes arrogantly.

"You just noticed? I'm always like this whenever you're around me."

"You sure there's nothing more than that? I know it's pretty much of a 'me' problem but... can you be more specific?"

"Oh come on, wasn't that enough for you? Stop triggering me, please. I said what I said, you are an eyesore that's why." Sana crosses her arm. She started to walk down the stairs as you slowly followed her with a faint smile on your lips.

"Okay, if that's what you say. I'll just be here behind you. Too bad, I wanted to lead the way because I want take us somewhere unwinding first." You sighed and tightened your lips. Sana heard it, sensing a weird sensation through her. She must be saying no or even meaner than that, but how come she became more curious?

Sana heaved out a large breath of air before pausing on her walk with a stomp. She turned around to face you as she gestures you to come forward. "It's only because I needed it."

And you grinned thankfully.

The two of you went to a cliff from a road outside of Seoul. Just in time, Sana was about to whine about how dangerous this place you chose until she was distracted of the magnificent sunset in display to the skyview.

Each of you took a picture, with her being first. You clicked the button, instead the shot accidentally captures Sana turning her attention back at you. As she approaches you, you dragged down your phone in embarassment and nervousness that she might found out and suspect that you're secretly spying on her.

"What happened to you?" Sana finds your tensed manner.

"N-nothing. I just... remembered something."

"Weirdo." She teases you. "So what's gotten into you choosing this place. Are you gonna push me there down the cliff to show me your true colors?"

You looked at her exhaustedly, no much in an energy to enlighten or defend yourself. "Say or think of anything suspicious about me, Sana but I wasn't even harming you even in my imaginations anymore." You didn't bother to look at her because all you'll see rather is an irritated, sassy woman whom you had a price to pay for.

"This is my favorite place to chill." You simply answered, leaning at the front of the car and posing your limbs as you supported yourself with your arms pressed on the car. Sana looked at your side-figure.

"I started finding this when me and my mom used to go here when I was young. She was the first one to notice how beautiful the sunset is to watch from here, and I did agree on her... and it turns out to become one of my favorite scenery." Sana just listened to your story as you continue to witness the sun hides from the clouds.

"My mother told me to stay with her longer here because for a moment, she found peace and serenity. She felt like there's nothing to worry about." You paused as you smiled proudly. "She felt like she wasn't going to be alone in this battle she's facing, because I was there by her side. Even though I... wasn't that too much vocal or expressive at what I've gone through in our family, but... my heart knows where I need to stay. Where I can surely find a better outcome for my life someday."

"That's why when the right thing happened one day, I started to listen and follow to my heart first. I kicked out all those delinquent students away from my company and I only remained my wonderful mom and dad... step-dad..." You corrected yourself, Sana shrank her eyes at that intentional pause. "Because it felt like it's the right thing to do, and it did. It helped me to get back up to my feet and reshape myself to become a proper man that my mom always wanted to see in me.

Sana, mind I if ask... am I progressing?"

Sana stares at you as you glanced at her with your glistening eyes full of hope. "I'm not gonna lie this time, but you sure are doing quite an effect on me..." Her voice is slowly decreasing through the words.

"But that won't still change anything about what you did to me before. People can say past is past easily but me? If it wasn't for that, which I don't know... should I say thank you atleast anyway... for motivating me to change my appearance? Lose a massive amount of weight, beautify myself more, get rid of those eyeglasses and braces just so that I can be accepted and liked by many for my features like what you said?" Sana said with a bit of a hatred rising through her again. You remain speechless as you understand why it's driving her mad.

"I achieved a better life too but unlike you, what I did I get? You put me into a trauma that I'm still bringing to myself till this day. Fear and anxious that...  makes me still remember it all."

"I like the passion, YN... but I will never going to forgive you for what you did to me. I will always hate you for that." Sana said it with all honesty. "And that's enough of a reason for me to have no interests on having our deal contract settled."

Heartbroken, you chose to ignore and hide as you have nothing more to do than to accepts her decision. After all, you were the one who already said that you can't force her to make amends with you.

"Understood."

The next week, Sana was about to go downstairs when she found a student sipping lollipop at the corner. The guy looks completely wasted, obviously breaking the proper uniform rules. She decided to ignore him as she continue to go through but insteas, the guy catcalled her before moving on its own, approaching Sana.

"Hi there, hot stuff." The guy said before taking off her lollipop with a slurp. "Where you going at?"

"A-at my class." Sana nervously said.

"Hmmm... okay. Nice and proper, I like it. Ladies like you are easy to be tamed, isn't it?" He smirked menacingly.

Sana stepped back and grabbed her sling bag. "E-excuse me? How dare you-"

"Ohhh, daring. Such a duality we got here huh, I wouldn't mind if you can do switch roles with me, however we can only apply that in the bed."

"Shut up, pervert!"

"Cmon, lady. It's that simply, feel free to take a shot on me, and you can be there to your classroom without a problem."

"And if I don't?!"

"Challenging and fightful, I like that."

"Then you're going to love me."

Sana and the delinquent both became surprised as you made your unexpected emergence from the stairs, hurrying down ss you pushed away the guy and had him bumping his back on the barred metal gate.

"This one's pestering you?" Sana only nodded.

"Ugh shit! Ah, look. It's the bastard of this goddamn student council!" The delinquent said while touching his upper back in pain.

"Choose your words more carefully. I can report you and have you be placed in a sanction that you'll regret."

"Go on, make me. As if I give a shit. This entire university is a complete bullshit anyway. The only reason it got me staying here everyday, is if wasn't for some sexy chicks like here roaming around-" The deliquent didn't had to speak disrespectfully and point at Sana longer as he ate a crunchy right punch from you straight to his face.

"You crazy bitch!"

The guy fights back at you, returning the punch you gave. It agitated you and led yourselves into a brawl that had the groans and growls echoing to the upper floor, catching student's attention. Sana panicked and tasked them to call a guard to seperate the two.

The guy got the advantage during the fight, he continues to give you a barrage of kicks to the waist before he pulled Sana closer to her and inappropriately traced her sides while he chuckles dangerously.

Sana felt disgusted and quickly slaps the guy. "What do you think you're doing, huh? Fucking slut!" He gave Sana a fast backhand slap that had her twirling and crashing next to the metal handles of the stairs.)+•~

You saw what he did, with anger fuming in you, you pulled his leg and sent him down on the ground before you tackled him andgave him multiple punches until the guards and the officials broke up the fight.

"THE TWO OF YOU, PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. NOW!"

As a result of the fight and from the decision made by the higher ups, the guy was kicked out of the campus for multiple delinquent offenses while you got suspended for your role as the president for a couple of months when they learned that you just did that for self-defense.

Sana was sitting on the bed with the nurse preparing the first aid until you showed up and requested the nurse instead to leave it all on your hands. She hesitated for a minute that you are also bruised but you bargained until she gave up and listened to you as a respect for being a student leader.

Sana in her surprise, watched you sit down and grab the first aid beside you. "W-what are you doing?"

"Treating you."

"Don't make me a baby, YN. The nurse can do it herself."

You just stared at her and Sana felt a bit intimidated. She decided to shut up and forcefully let you do your thing. "Good. Now come closer and lemme see your cheek."

She leaned forward and directed her aching cheek on you. "That idiot." You cursed as you search around the reddening spot. You weren't aware that it was mixed by Sana's blush now to have you staring very closer at her.

You started applying the ice pack around the hurting spot as Sana hissed before she swallowed in her throat and spoke. "T-thank you... for earlier."

"No problem. That's unusual, atleast I got a positive comment from you.

"I- I wasn't expecting you to come to rescue me, okay. And I didn't know how much I needed it."

The awkwardness between each other formed as none dared to speak afterwards when both got lost in their words. However, you started a topic that might break the silence and for Sana to understand more.

"I wasn't always like this."

"I know, you said it. It's just that there's something happened that I don't know-"

"It's my dad." You answered it. Sana looked at you. "I know you've been itching to ask me what exactly happened."

"I just don't want to because I felt like it's not my intention to know more and all I had to do is to understand you because it seemed too personal that I might sound forceful. But I do really wanted to know why." Sana replied. "So... step-dad?"

"No. My biological dad." You revealed. "My original father was abusive to my mom. I learned that he became like that when he started to fell addiction to gambling and other crazy stuffs that risks your money badly. He releases his frustration to my mom until she couldn't take it no more when she heard it loud and clear from my father that he despises her for me not turning out to be the one he's expecting. He always wanted a son/daughter but... nope. That's just all a part of his excuses that made my mom snapped and file a divorce  and report to my dad, and guess what. Her attorney became so interested in my mom and here he is, my mom and my dad broke up and him, who is now my step-dad, saved mom and I." You said as you applied care on her bruises.

Sana looked at you pitifully and for the first time, she frowned for you. "W-why are still helping me or... treating me good, even though I don't return it back at you?"

"Because... I got influenced. At first, I look up to my dad. I thought at first that he was tough, strong... I started becoming like him when him and my mom always gets to have a proble but then I realized that he was a true coward for proving all that by beating up my mom. And she was the one who is actually tough, because despite of all the suffering she took from my dad, she didn't hurt him back physically but that doesn't she has no plans to fight. Because if she does, then I wouldn't be in a better state if it wasn't for her.

So I changed. I took mom as my role model. I remained calm as much as I can. I did it all to reshape myself from the ghost of the past. Now here I am, rather choosing to prove myself and mean it all on my words on you. I don't want to fight anymore to cause trauma, Instead, I'll do in a need to protect the people who are close to me."

Sana tied all the strings together, and it did finally all comes to a clear point that it wasn't really your fault that you turned out to be that reckless bully that she had to go through a hard time before. She would be lying if she won't admit that she is a supporter of a belief that people can change, and it comes through this moment that she decided that she can use that phrase for good.

"There, all done." You said as you tucked all the hair to her ear and patted the bandage firmly on her face. Sana was just staring back at your tender and admirable demeanor. "Does it still h-"

"I forgive you."

"..."

You fell silent. That was very out of nowhere, but suddenly it got so uplifted to hear that successfully.

"Y-you do?"

"And we still have a week remaining ahead of us. We can use it to finally be able get along together."

You smiled widely as you saw how Sana's bright and cute grin shines right in your eyes. She looked so beautiful, and you even felt more guilty and poor for her on vanishing this irresistable kine of joy within her before.

"Yeah we can. T-thank you a lot, Sana."

Sana patted your hand to calm your happiness down. She smiled as she stared down at your hands stacked together. She took a grip on it and even felt the heat crawling through her skin, sending to her overflowing emotions in her heart.

It actually does look... fitting in her opinion. And she even agreed more to herself when she looked back up to see the owner of the hand she would actually love to hold more in many occasions.

That moment, Sana confirmed to herself that she has now began to discover a liking on you, who is also discreetly sharing the same serenade as her too.

Days after you and Sana tried to start this brand new closeness both of you has started for each other, its aftermath had left you ran out to became so overwhelmed about it, now that have reminded you of something that requires to be done more important before the expiration was reached.

You wanted to be happy because you have now made peace with Sana, but today wasn't the right time for you to celebrate fully.

Too much occupied on spending time for each other, that it almost made both forgot that you had to deal with a serious matter when the next day comes.

Your mood disrupted as you got conscious of the date today, not even Sana's bubbly personality can distract you from it or anything. You couldn't even join her as you remained watching her instead for some reason.

"You seem like you're in deep thoughts again, YN." Sana poked you with the tip of the ice cream she bought. "Are you okay?"

You didn't answer right away as it took time for you to snap back into your senses and found yourself being confronted by Sana.

"Y-yeah."

A lie. Sana detected that disturbing twitch of a forced smile on your lips.

"Really, what's going on? I know i've seen this last time on you getting blacked out of nowhere but this one feels different."

"How can you say?" You asked in a dead tone.

She shrugged and opened her ice cream first before she continued speaking. "That something's definitely bothering you. You're so stiff and uneasy. Does it makes you scared?"

"M-maybe it is..."

"Care to share what it is then?"

You were about to respond but Sana introduces you to her cold palm blocking your sight.

"But first, eat your ice cream. It's gonna melt, plus... it's my favorite flavor, okay? I don't want it getting wasted." She pouted adorably.

You chuckled and sighed as you opened your ice cream. "Delicious."

"Who? Me or the ice cream?"

"W-what?" You looked so baffled at her suspicious remark.

She laughed loudly at your embarassed expression. "I'm sorry- it's just... you keep on staring at me while you're licking it and commenting it for me. I thought you're teasing me so... I tried to get back on you."

"S-stupid, you and your pervy thoughts..." You rolled your eyes and blushed intensely at her own silliness. "And what if I say you?" you smirked a little and glared at her.

"Then I don't mind having you grab a taste as much as you like~" Her eyes didn't even had to glare back at you to look flirty and seductive, instead aura changed on its own as Sana ensures that the one who started this kind of fun won't end up getting defeated in the end.

You gulped and looked away from her enticing look as she wheezes. "Sorry, what's gotten over me. Anyways, let's go backto where we left. Oh yeah, what's making you scared?"

You had to compose yourself before replying to her. "Of us. Certainly... for you."

"Why?"

"I can't tell if this luck that I have of making myself had to witness this whole you being... just the way you are is only temporary for me to see, because I fear that... I might lose this... real you, again." You said.

"I appreciate the consideration YN but, risks are inevitable okay? It's fine to take it as long as it won't step or abuse my whole being again." Sana said. "I know you're scared but... face your fears. This is why you seek for another opportunity, right? To make things right."

"But would it be wrong for me if..."

"If...?" Sana waited for your next words to follow up.

Your heartbeat quickened, nerves trembling, emotions rising, as there's no going back once you have revealed this secret you have been keeping from her in weeks. "Would it be wrong for me if I don't just want you as a friend anymore? That I also began to admire you more than that?"

Sana's smile dropped. Her gaze went more focused on you as she couldn't believe what she's hearing. "Y-you like me?"

"I know it's ridiculous of me to say that to you, because I feel like I don't have the right to feel this way because I made you like this... forcefully with my wrongdoings. But, I don't know why my heart is being like this." You said to her.

"Maybe it's due to what I've said to you last time that I started to follow what my heart wants, and it pains because... I feel like this is what I may be missing after all these years when I rather ending up hurting you against my will. And now it makes me worry if I continue this feeling i'm having now that we have buried your hatred, I might lose this... bright side that depicts the real you, Sana. That I mercilessly thrown away when we first met.

I don't want to let it go but... I couldn't  get rid of this feeling in me, even after you told me you have declined our contract, I'm heartbroken but I still keep on loving you." You started tearing up. For the first time, Sana has fully visualized this fragile self of yours and it truly does hurt her deep inside.

"But I don't want you to pity me. I still respect your decision, but... for the last time... a last hope in me, I just want to ask... do you... still want to reconsider it?"

You looked at her with your poor eyes. Sana got her breath taken away by your weakened state. Her heart crumples in pain seeing you like this because you are heavily concerned of something that you don't even had to.

Because she likes you too, and you don't even know yet.

If your heart chooses her, her heart needed you more.

"I'm sorry..." is what came out as a whisper to Sana's shaking tone. Your heart shattered and there's your last hope disappeared like a popped bubble in the air. She was about to speak but you interrupted her.

"I see. I get it, no matter how much a person forgives you for your sin, there's always be time that would grant you the punishment for wasting that moment that you should've been good rather. A karma, in short. And this one, is what I have to bring and suffer for the rest of my life."  You said to her with a bitter smile. Sana was in awe at your guilty pronounce.

"I enjoyed our time but I think I have to go now, Sana. I'm sorry." You excused yourself to Sana as you emptied your ice cream and left her speechless on your spot with her. Her frozen consciousness has what costs her to respond late to unable to catch you as you walked away from her sight.

Sana was left in distraught, as the words she was about to say and the entirety of your confession sinked down to her.

March 31. The day of the proclaimation has come. The month is ending and that means the contract has reached its breaking point. You and Sana met again in the court along with your parents in each of your sides.

Both parties are worried and confused on why you and Sana seemed so dull and devastated that neither couldn't look at each other's eyes anymore. This is what you feared, and the regret is eating you up again so bad.

"Mr/Ms. LN, are you in favor of the contract to be published and hereby signed by you?"

"I do, your honor." You said. You wanted to give it up but you chose to fight for what you have desired more. You wanted to be with Sana longer, and even if it won't grant you the same opportunity, it doesn't matter. Atleast you have become honest to your heart that you would've love to have her as yours.

Sana's lips trembled as she tried to fight the tears about to pour down on her face but was unsuccessful that the judge had to halt the question. It breaks your heart more to see her in an emotional breakdown in front of you.

"Miss Minatozaki, are you okay?"

"I... I'm not..." She sniffed her nose and wiped her tears before proceeding. " I'm not in favor of the contract, your honor."

Your family and Sana's both were in shock and saddened. You weren't surprised, but you are surely devastated that she is really this a hundred percent certain of her decision.

"Are you sure with your answer, Miss Minatozaki? You look hesitant. Perhaps you can provide a clear explaination why you still responded the opposite?"

"I'm really not in favor of the contract, your honor." Sana shook her head. She wiped her tears again before she stepped forward and came closer to you.

"Because I don't want to have it done arranged."

Your eyes widened. The collective gasps of the both sides can be heard from the court.

"I'm rather hesitant because I want to be with you more, YN... but not through this. I want us to build the story of our relationship through our own. I want it that way, not this where others had to dictate and rush us how things should go for us." She apologetically looks back at yours and her family, and gladly they nodded understandably at her point.

She immediately pulls you into a hug so tight that you wouldn't even care also if you got suffocated into her endearing gesture of what finding your home should feel like. "I'm glad that you didn't let go, YN... because I love you too."

She sobbed into your shoulder and you gave up with your emotions as flood of tears fell down on your face, but this time it was all full of joy and relief. You reciprocated her action as you wrapped her body into your own embrace and cuddled her head on your side.

"Thank you... thank you for giving me a chance, Sana. I'll do everything I can not to ruin this. I love you.

She leans away fron your shoulder and holds your shoulders as she traces your face super close between each other. "I'm so proud of you, YN. You deserve it."

"And yes, I would be glad to be your girlfriend... and your future wife soon." She winked before she pulls your head next for a wholesome romantic kiss.

Your families and even the judge clapped and congratulated in support for your newfound stronger relationship with Sana since this is a sight to behold seeing two couples aren't destined to be torn apart from each other... but rather to stay together forever despite all the harsh and crucial situations they had gone through.

Love, in cooperation with time; always finds a way to connect two people's hearts no matter how long it might take, and this... is the way their story had to go.

[iridescentscarecrow]

asks on retrospring [archived]: responses containing thoughts on hyuna & luka (one / two)

q. did you notice that in the blink gone mv in Hyuna's third appearance (when she gets close to the screen and the archives start uploading) Luka says the lyrics "Exist for me" [....]?

a. YESS I WAS FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS ON MY PRIV WHEN THE MV DROPPED; a bit rambly but: it's that beautiful last line in the hylk anakt comic if you remember. i don't think hyuna <exists for luka> in the same way mzsua ivtl manifest themselves, since she's not the subject of his songs: while for others their loves are a manner of self realisation through other, luka obscures himself & Becomes (someone else's) Other. it's a part of the control he maintains on the stage; hyuna doesn't leak through even once other than the brief glance back when she appears in person at the end of r5. (this is something i contrast w/ how hyuna sings too, but then this response would get too long)... this is the exact control that hyuna describes to luka in the anakt comic, the sense of ownership she gets from the stage: "before we get on stage, we do as we're told... [but when i'm singing] my existence, my life.. feels like it's mine." & he responds "but your life is mine, though?" & in a way it is. because she's absent, she's scrubbed herself of any of these sticky connections but he's taken the control she once described to him & made it his, become her embodiment when every other aspect of his life is controlled by heperu. in the narrative, she exists for him & is simultaneously secluded from the audience, the thousand preying aliens, until he sees her on the stage & his easy facade falls...

q. What do you think Hyuna's feelings for Luka are? Her feelings for him were never confirmed, in the artbook profile for her it says that she thinks that she shouldn't have approached him first and treated him well, and she evades saying something else about him, so it implies that she dislikes him, but in every official art that has them (even in the sweet dream mv), she lets him be intimate with her (touch her waist, be close to her, massage her, etc) despite her awkard or angry expression everytime they interact

a. i think quality-wise it's obviously complex & there's much still to learn but i'm less interested in whether it measures as dislike/like than how it falls into alien stage's idealisation-as-love aspect: because in many ways none of this is strictly "love" — the children in anakt are constructing what it must mean out of nothing & this process occurs simultaneously with their manifestation of their own selves. & i think w/ hyuna that mired sort of intimacy in their few official art is best mixed in with her own Evasion & clouding over of luka (in my previous answer where i was talking about how luka thinks about her: he does something similarly divergent from alnst's idealisation form). in her profile she says "i shouldn't have approached you from the beginning and been nice to you... shall we talk about something else?" — the evasion, the shortness, very different from the answers she uses for everyone else. she's kind of refusing to let him become her ghost lol. in the artbook, they say "from the outside, hyuna appears to be moving forward, but in reality, she’s unable to escape her past." i really like how all in has hyuna creating her own, Changed Fantasy with the lyrics about her control through which her own Free self is made manifest coming off as a Kind of proof of life against the way said lyrics r layered with flashes of luka and hyunwoo & her own desperate expression. she's not singing about luka...! she's singing about herself but he appears nonetheless and the lyrics at the points he appears characterise her further to me. like she still makes the gestures mid song, going through the motions of exhibited confidence despite her distressed expression... it fascinates me in how a stage where everyone story-ises another in order to get this individuation (see: ivan),, its not just that hyuna sings about herself,, she does this on top of a Refusal of luka. compare this with luka who always sings in a way where he's obscuring himself! i really enjoy the lyrics from drunk and party [goodbye, i'll release you / from these cold shackles / your body and soul, bruised and broken / your freedom was taken away so you couldn't fly, sing!] because of the way its directed towards Someone else, keeps herself in that area of savior. but the someone else in question is hypothetical, unformed outside their plight, unlike a lot of the other songs. and so now the hyuluka art comes off as this — frame of romance, almost. luka the blissful, blushing bride & hyuna's expression of horror. in the newest art his hand curls around her hip (the location where the brand is on his own body), like he's trying to inscribe himself onto the idea of her, and she's revolted by the idea of this and he can do this, because she's Off Stage. she's the concept of freedom he has made his own... but she's alive and kicking & that's why them actually seeing each other on the stage is such an important moment to me. like,, hyuna lives in a way where she's trying to cut herself off from the sticky connections of the past, the same ones the stage is composed of. and it's really interesting how she saves mizi because she sees herself in her? it makes me think of luka-sua parallels, lol & how sua according to the artbook wanted to preserve mizi's innocence to her detriment, so that she could live within that beautiful innocence of the "heavenly garden", to the point of becoming an obstacle to mizi's growth... and luka's obsession with hyuna's idea of freedom on the stage has me speculating that something in a similar flavour happened there. because hyuna is so obsessed with growing Past it now, in a way, and luka is like a sua who lived. i'm very curious about their past..!

[blue-rose-soul]

I really love your Devil’s bastard and Raised Together AUs because there’s a lot of familial drama but also lore associated with Lucifer and just what he can pass down to his children that is so fascinating.

https://youtube.com/shorts/MV4InNo3zCY?si=qM459R9-jSxE-6jR

I can imagine a scenario where something like this occurs and both Charlie and Alastor are pushed to unlocking the sleeping demons that lay sleeping inside them.

Imagine Charlie with red and white wings and Alastor with red and black wings, the hellfire being appearing over their horns and insane power emanating from them

Appreciate it! The big fun of this AU for me is definitely how it throws a monkey wrench right in the characters' usual dynamics. Lucifer going from implicitly threatening to murder Alastor to awkwardly stumbling around him. Alastor trying to manipulate Charlie without letting her assimilate him into her idealistic fantasy version of a brother-sister bond. Vaggie waking up from nightmares of having Alastor as a brother-in-law.

But yeah, it's also interesting to imagine what effect Lucifer's angelic DNA would have on his offspring. We don't know much about what Charlie actually is or how she's different from demons in general - Hellborn or sinner - or from either of her parents. Sinners are human souls, but based on the fact that they eat and sleep have toilets, they do seem to have all the same gears and whistles as living breathing humans. At the same time, they can twist their bodies into impossible shapes, grow to enormous sizes, even pull themselves back together after being ripped apart by anything that isn't an angelic weapon. And this isn't even mentioning any supernatural powers they may have like Sir Pentious's hypnosis or Alastor's - [gestures to all of him] - everything.

The idea of Alastor and Charlie unlocking some greater power does sound pretty cool! However, as they're already pretty demonic at their base, I would instead flavor it as them unlocking their sleeping angelic powers. After all, angels are said to be more powerful than demons in-universe, and this is power inherited from Lucifer. Plus, I love love love angels as monsters. I think that Charlie did experience a more mild form of what you're talking about after Sir Pentious was killed.

Of course, it wasn't quite the raw explosion of power I think you're thinking of, and the end result is still pretty demonic looking. But this is still power she inherited from Lucifer. But we're still early into the story, and it's fun to speculate what kind of greater power Charlie may unlock in the future.

(Alastor agrees.)

But back to the AU, the thought of them manifesting wings along with their greater powers at a later date would be sooooo fun. Maybe while facing off against the person who owns Alastor's soul (who I will say is Eve for the purposes of this AU). The both of them manifesting wings would be a nice way to visualize their shared bloodline. Plus, the addition of wings to Alastor's design may call to mind the peryton; a mythical creature with the appearance of a winged stag. A not-so-minor pet peeve of mine is when people say Alastor is a w**digo just because his deer-like appearance, and the peryton feels much more appropriate to his character.

Granted, he doesn't have any cultural ties to the peryton either aside from maaaaaybe his name (the name 'Alastor' has its origins in ancient Greece and the creature seems to be either Greek or Roman), but it does make for a great visual pun if you take 'peryton' to refer to radio signals.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Hello! I was hoping to get a romantic match up for the X-Men, Stranger Things, and Harry Potter match up of that’s okay. I am a straight 23 year old female. She/her pronouns. I’m asian and I have long black hair, brown eyes with glasses, and I’m 5’3.

I crochet, love puzzles, play a lot of video games. My favorites being Stardew valley, Pokémon, and Minecraft. I have two dogs but one of them is mine and he’s a yorkie who I love dearly. I work as a barista. My favorite movie is Ratatouille and my favorite show is gravity falls.

I’m very introverted but I wouldn’t say I was shy. I’m pretty blunt sometimes and I swear a lot. I enjoy playful banter with my friends. I don’t think very highly of myself due to stuff in the past and it manifests itself into defensive humor a lot of the time. I don’t think I’m worthy of much. But its something I’ve come to just accept about myself so theres not much sadness there anymore.

Thank you so much and have a wonderful day!

Hello!

Of course, you can have a few matchups!

(Also, I love Yorkies!)

<3333333

I also hope you have a wonderful day/night!

And I hope you enjoy your matchups!

Romantic Matchups; X-Men, Stranger Things, and Harry Potter

~~~

Romantic;

~~~

X-Mne;

Remy LeBeau (Gambit) -

You had just joined the X-Men, still adjusting to the new environment and figuring out where you fit in.

Remy, ever the charmer, immediately took notice of you and made it his mission to make you feel welcome.

Your blunt attitude and no-nonsense approach surprised him at first, but he found it refreshing.

He started testing the waters with his usual flirting, but when you shot back with sarcasm, he knew he liked you instantly.

The two of you developed an easy friendship filled with teasing and banter, much to the amusement of the other X-Men.

He started bringing you little trinkets or things he thought you might like - a new crochet hook, a puzzle book, or a small lucky charm.

You both bonded over late-night talks when neither of you could sleep, sitting on the mansion's rooftop and sharing stories.

When you mentioned your struggles with self-worth, he didn't push you to talk, but he made it his mission to show you how valued you were.

Remy would absolutely play video games with you, even though he’s terrible at them.

He’d bet (and lose) every time.

He’d learn how to crochet just to make you laugh - though his first attempt looked more like a knotted disaster than an actual craft.

He'd call your Yorkie, "petit chien" (little dog), and would spoil him with treats whenever he visited.

He’d help you behind the scenes with pranks on other X-Men, always making sure to cover your tracks.

At first, he saw you as a fun, sharp-witted friend, but over time, he realized how much he craved your company.

The way you got so focused on your puzzles, how your eyes lit up when talking about something you loved - it all made his heart skip.

He found himself getting jealous when other team members got too close to you, though he'd cover it with an easy smile.

He started finding excuses to be around you more, whether it was "accidentally" ending up on the same mission or bringing you coffee in the mornings.

One night, after a long mission, he found you sitting alone, your Yorkie curled up beside you.

He sat down next to you, fiddling with a playing card, and casually said, "Chérie, you ever think ‘bout takin’ a gamble on somethin’ new?" When you looked at him, confused, he smirked but then softened. "I ain't good with serious talk, but I bet all of my life savings on you." When you smiled, half in awe, and half confused, he continued, "That doesn't make too much sense, does it?"

"No," You muttered, "I think I get what you mean."

Remy showers you with small, thoughtful gifts - lucky coins, notes hidden in your pockets, and little things that remind him of you.

He flirts constantly, even more now that he knows you’re his. "Did I ever tell you how breathtaking you are, mon amour?"

The playful teasing never stops, but now it's punctuated with stolen kisses and soft touches.

He brings you coffee exactly the way you like it every morning, claiming it’s his duty as your devoted partner.

He always pulls you close when you’re crocheting, resting his chin on your shoulder, fascinated by how your hands move.

If you ever doubt yourself, he reminds you in a way only he can - whispering in your ear, “Chérie, you’re worth more than all the diamonds in the world.”

When he’s out on missions, he leaves behind little notes for you to find.

Some are romantic, some are just ridiculous.

He lets your Yorkie sleep on the bed, even though he dramatically complains about it every morning.

~~~

Stranger Things;

Eddie Munson -

Eddie walked into the coffee shop one day, looking like he hadn’t slept in a week.

You took one look at his exhausted face and deadpanned, “So what’s it gonna be, zombie man?”

He snorted, immediately intrigued by your bluntness and the way you didn’t hesitate to give him a little attitude.

He kept coming back, always ordering something ridiculous just to make you roll your eyes.

You quickly became friends after he realized you shared a love for video games and didn’t mind his chaotic energy.

He started calling you his “coffee goddess,” insisting that you made the best drinks even though you knew he was just trying to butter you up.

The playful back-and-forth turned into something deeper - long talks in the shop when business was slow, sharing music recommendations, and teasing each other mercilessly.

You introduced him to your favorite games, and he showed you D&D.

He started bringing his D&D notes to the coffee shop, asking for your input on his latest campaign ideas.

He made a mixtape just for you, filled with his favorite rock songs, but also included a few “sappy” ones just to mess with you.

You both would walk your Yorkie together, him dramatically narrating the dog's thoughts, making you laugh.

The teasing started getting softer, more affectionate.

He found himself lingering at the coffee shop even when he had nowhere to be, just for a few more minutes with you.

He started doodling on the coffee cups he gave you, leaving behind little hearts without realizing it.

He panicked the first time someone asked if you were together - because suddenly, he wanted the answer to be yes.

One night, he stayed behind after the shop closed, helping you clean up.

He leaned on the counter, watching you, and blurted out, “Okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but I think I’m kinda... Into you?” When you raised an eyebrow, he laughed nervously. “I mean, I don’t think- I know. But, uh, no pressure. I just- yeah.”

Constant teasing and playful bickering, but now with kisses in between.

He writes silly little notes and sticks them in your tip jar.

Late-night gaming sessions where he dramatically voices the characters just to make you laugh.

He starts learning how to crochet just because he wants to impress you (he’s terrible at it).

He writes you songs, they’re always about you.

He buys you merch constantly, even though he doesn’t know much about some of the stuff you like.

Whenever you doubt yourself, he’s the first to remind you, “Babe, you’re the best thing since metal. And metal is pretty damn great.”

He absolutely spoils your Yorkie and even buys a tiny bandana with a Hellfire Club logo for him.

~~~

Harry Potter;

Sirius Black -

You were out walking your Yorkie, enjoying a quiet moment when suddenly, your dog darted toward a man sitting on a park bench.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” The man drawled, looking down at the tiny dog now happily sniffing at his boots.

You recognized him instantly - Sirius Black, the same Sirius Black from Hogwarts who you barely spoke to back then.

“Oh, uh… Sorry, he likes to harass people,” You muttered, pulling your dog back.

Sirius just smirked. “No need to apologize, love. Seems we’ve both got a thing for trouble.”

After that first meeting, you kept running into him - at the same café, in bookstores, even at the market.

It became a running joke.

“Stalking me, are you?” He teased.

“Right, because I just love bumping into a scruffy troublemaker like you,” You shot back, rolling your eyes.

He loved your bluntness and how you didn’t tiptoe around him like most people did after everything that had happened to him.

You quickly became friends, sharing coffee on park benches while your Yorkie happily curled up in Sirius’ lap.

Long walks where you both vent about life, making dark jokes that only the two of you understand.

He teaches you how to play wizard chess, and you actually manage to beat him once - he claims he let you win.

He reads to you sometimes - old, leather-bound books he’s had for years, his voice low and steady as you work on your latest crochet project.

You introduce him to puzzles, and he becomes weirdly competitive about them, refusing to stop until he’s solved every single one.

He gets your Yorkie the fanciest little collar with tiny stars on it, because “Even the littlest troublemakers deserve to be stylish.”

At first, he just thought you were fun to be around - someone who didn’t pity him or treat him like a ghost of his past.

But then he started noticing the little things - how your lips curled slightly when you were deep in thought, the way you always made sure he had tea before you started your puzzles.

He found himself wanting to be around you all the time, making excuses to see you, even if it was just for a few minutes.

The teasing between you two started getting softer, lingering glances and fleeting touches replacing sharp remarks.

One evening, after a long walk, you both sat on his couch, your Yorkie curled up between you.

Sirius cleared his throat, suddenly looking a little nervous - something very unlike him.

“You know, I never expected to find something this good after everything,” He murmured, glancing at you. “But I’d be a fool to let it slip away.”

He leaned in then, just close enough to let you decide - giving you the choice.

When you kissed him, he let out a soft chuckle against your lips.

“Knew you’d make the first move,” He teased, but his voice was warm, his hand already pulling you closer.

You wake up most mornings to find him already making coffee, shirtless and smug, claiming it’s his new morning routine.

He calls you love constantly, his voice dropping into a softer, huskier tone when it’s just the two of you.

If you ever doubt yourself, he understands.

He has the same problem himself.

He adores your Yorkie and will carry him around.

Will spoil your dog.

He starts leaving little notes for you, hidden in books and between puzzle pieces - things like “You’re brilliant” and “I’d stop the world and melt with you.”

You really think that last one was a song lyric, but Sirius denies it.

He loves to sit beside you while you crochet, sometimes laying his head in your lap and letting you run your fingers through his hair.

You’ll find him staring at you sometimes, completely lost in thought.

When you call him out on it, he just smirks and says, “Just admiring my favorite person.”

He randomly pulls you into slow dances in the kitchen, no music playing, just the sound of your laughter as he twirls you.

He steals your scarves when it’s cold, insisting they smell like you and therefore are better than his own.

On bad days, he doesn’t push you to talk - he just pulls you against his chest and whispers, “I’m here, love. Always.”

He’d stand up for you no matter what, even if you didn’t think you were worth it.

He’d buy you puzzles and crochet supplies without you asking, always paying attention to what makes you happy.

He’d sit with you for hours, just existing in comfortable silence.

You’d remind him, in little ways, that he’s not alone - that he deserves happiness.

You’d brush his hair for him, because he secretly loves the feeling of your fingers running through it.

You’d take care of him on his bad days, never pushing but always being there.

You’d tell him, over and over, that he’s worth more than his past until he finally starts to believe it.

[heliosthegriffin]

Jaune makes some corrections

Jaune had liked to think he came a long way as he entered his third year at Beacon, at least compared to himself when he entered the academy, in terms of strength, speed, stamina, skill with his weapon, confidence, and leadership.

But, unfortunately, he found that his ability to get into involved in rumors had also improved.

He stood in front of the podium looking out among the crowd, trying to look as calm as Ren and as unimpressed as Weiss, to varying degrees of success. Because today, he had to correct some rumors going around.

"I don't run a sex cult, end of story." The leader said with all the finality and annoyance he could manifest into his voice before he then he turned around to walk out of the auditorium.

The gathered students, first through fourth years going wild behind him.

It made him want to cry as he heard behind him how civilizations mighty protectors were throwing tantrums like children.

He stopped and turned around. "What?!" Jaune yelled out into the crowd. "What is it?!" His throat flashing white briefly.

The sudden wave of sound from him, mixed with the frustrated bite to his amplified voice scared the crowed to stillness.

"Alright, it seems I didn't answer the question well enough, alright..." He pointed randomly into the crowd. "You!" He pointed at a short pink haired girl holding her hand up. "What is it?"

"Can we join the sex cult?"

"NO! I don't run a sex cult!"

"Then, why does the entire everyone say you lead a sex cult?"

"Because, I agreed to be a part of an Orgy," Jaune holds up a finger. "Once! Because my girlfriend tricked me to. And only once! I am in a perfectly happy relationship otherwise!" He points at a red head, androgynous looking faunus with a tanuki tail.

"You! What's your question."

"Then why does everyone want you have a sex cult?"

"I don't know?!" Jaune says as he throws up his hands. "I guess it's just one long joke at my expense! Also, no more questions about the sex cult, it doesn't exist!"

"Aw." The crowd sighed.

"Alright, any non-sex cult related questions? Yes, you, what is your question?" Jaune asks, pointing at a tall freshman with lavender hair.

"Yeah, is it true that you have infinite aura?" The freshman asked excitedly.

Jaune sighs. "No, that's just a rumor, I just learned to mix enhanced aura regeneration, something that anyone can do! With my semblance to refill mine back to full in a couple seconds, usually, this helps me refill my teams back to full in under a minute. Infinite is just a exaggeration." The same freshman looked at him with a slack jaw. "You mean you can refill your teammates, The Invincible Girl Pyrrha Nikos, The Berserker Nora Valkyrie, and Shadow Master Lie Ren in under a minute, along with your own?! How is that not infinite!"

"Because it's numerically finite! That's why! Next question!" He points a blue haired short sophomore.

"Is it true you have infinite stamina in which to satisfy your harem?"

Jaune's right eye then started to twitch. "Wow, that is a twofer of bullshit. First off, I do not have a harem! Where does that even come from?! Just because I am in a open relationship does not mean I have a harem!"

"But they're all women?!"

"Ren is a guy, I'm bi!"

"It's not gay if it's Ren!"

Jaune squinted out into the crowd. "Sun? What are you doing out there?"

"Uh, gotta go!"

"You didn't answer about the infinite stamina though!"

Jaune groaned. "No! I don't have infinite stamina, I get tired too!"

"But after how long thought?"

Jaune snapped closed his mouth.

"After how long?"

"Next question?"

"Answer the question! Answer the question!" The crowd chanted.

"Fine! Two days, but I was pretty tired afterwards, next question!" He pointed at a bunny eared fourth year- wait, Velvet?!

"Is it true you have a mammoth sized dick?!"

"The fuck?" Jaune mouthed. "No, just no, it's perfectly normal, average, and man-sized."

"HE LIES! THE BITCH TELLS LIES! IT THE SIZE OF THIS SODA CAN BUT WAY BIGGER!"

"NORA GET OUT OF HERE!" Jaune yelled. "ALSO, SIZE ISN'T THE DECIDING FACTOR IN SEX! EMOTIONAL INTIMACY AND EXPERIENCE ARE MORE IMPORTANT!

"YOU CAN SILENCE ME, BUT YOU CAN'T SILENCE THE TRUTH! HE LIES THE SEX CULT IS-" Nora yells in the middle of the crowd.

Bang.

Jaune puts away the tranquilizer gun, as Nora hits the ground. "So, uh any none sex related questions?"

"Is it true that your the strongest member of your team?"

"No, next question."

"But, you just took down-"

Bang.

Jaune put down the tranquiler gun again. "Alright, I think that's enough questions for today, none of you come around me or my team ever again."

Then he walked away pulling Nora with him.

Only for a hatch to open under the podium, Yang and Blake, plus Pyrrha coming out.

Yang taps the mic. "Yeah, he wasn't lying, he's not a part of the sex cult, and definitely not the leader."

Blake nods her head. "Yeah, he is the sex cult! Thanks to Saint Pyrrha's guidance, we have found the god of our Sex Cult."

Pyrrha blushes. "The cult of Jaune Arc's Penis is held on Wednesday in the Ruins inside the Emerald Forest from 5pm to 7pm, bring your own snacks."

[krikeymate]

👀 Can we get a scene of Tara introducing the baby to the wolf?

It is my right, growls a voice inside her head. “You have no right,” Sam responds, agitated by the constant demands from the beast. It scares her, how desperate it is to meet Annie. She fears what it means. The wolf inside of her has demanded to meet many people since it began to manifest its own voice inside of her, a year and a half ago. None of them survived to meet their next sunrise.

She won't let it near Tara's daughter. She'll tear herself apart before she gives it an opportunity to touch the girl.

She is mine, it declares. Sam can feel the anger radiating from the beast at her continued denials, but it is nothing compared to her own. How dare it? How dare it try to claim something that belongs to her?

“She's not yours,” Sam hisses through grit teeth, careful to keep her voice low. Tara's just in the other room feeding Annie, and she won't have her disturbed. Again. She doesn't need her to worry, Sam will take care of this. She always does. “You are nothing, just a parasite hitching a ride inside my brain, like my father. He became a nuisance and I found a way to get rid of him, so mind your tongue or I'll do the same to you.”

The beast huffs, but doesn't continue to argue. Sam sighs in relief. It gets more and more vocal by the day, and she doesn't know what to do about it. It always has more to say around the full moon, and this month especially. But given what happened last cycle, perhaps it makes sense. Maybe once tonight is over she'll finally get some peace and quiet. For a while, at least.

Sam glances out the kitchen window at the soon-to-be setting sun. She needs to make a move now if she wants to be far away from here by the time the moon rises. And she does.

Despite her anxiety over the situation, Sam still takes a moment to pause in the doorway and watch her sister feed the baby.

Tara's seemed... different, since she came along. Happier, in a way. Calmer. Sam thinks she might be different too. Anika was an accident, but she might just be the best mistake they've ever made.

Walking forward, Sam rests her hands on the back of the couch and drops a kiss to the top of Tara's head. She reaches forward to run a hand over the downy hair on Annie's and leans over to kiss her as well.

“How are my favourite girls doing?” she asks, unable to hide the affection that laces every word. Not that she would want to. She never wants Tara to doubt how much she loves her, never again. Annie will never doubt how much she is loved.

Tara reaches up to leave a kiss of her own to Sam's jaw. “We're just as fine as we were half an hour ago,” she teases with a wide smile. It twitches, weakening as she takes in Sam's face, gaze lingering on the tightness of her expression and the white knuckle grip she has on the couch.

“It's still bothering you, isn't it?” she asks quietly. Sam doesn't respond, Tara already knows the answer. Her eyes flick between the window and her sister. She hates the way Tara's face drops as she catches the movement.

“Already?”

“It's safer this way, it's already restless. I don't want to be caught off guard too close to home.”

“I just wish you didn't have to do this alone.”

Sam moves around the couch and drops to one knee in front of her sister. “I'm never alone. Even when we're apart, I always feel you with me,” she says softly, eyes never leaving Tara's. It leaves her sister speechless. Sam takes the opportunity to make her escape now, before Tara says something that only makes it harder to leave.

Standing up, she cups Tara's face and leaves a kiss on her brow. “Don't try and wait up for me, you need your rest,” she declares. Turning to the baby, she gives her another kiss too. “Be good for your mother.” Annie just blinks up at her without recognition.

Sam forces herself back. She needs to leave, no matter how much she would rather spend the evening with her girls in her arms.

The wolf inside of her tries to reach back, pushing at her chest, desperate. It makes her spin on her heel and head for the door, every step away feels agonising. Pulling open the door, she resists the urge to look back. “Don't forget to lock the door,” she reminds her sister, a familiar routine.

“I won't,” Tara replies, as always. She sighs at the click of the door as Sam closes it behind her. She misses her already.

“It's just you and me tonight,” she murmurs sadly to the girl in her arms.

They've rarely been apart since Sam came back into her life. At first it was Sam's way of making it up to her, overcompensating for five years of loneliness by never leaving her side. Now it's nothing less than a want, a need. Sam's always said that her life began the moment Tara was born, and she thinks it must be true, because she knows now that Sam is the other half of her heart. She finally understands the heart-wrenching loneliness that almost tore her apart when Sam left. They were meant to be together.

She regrets that she couldn't appreciate the effort back then, too caught up in her own head, in trying to pretend everything was normal, in trying to be normal. It all seems so stupid now. She regrets not being able to appreciate Sam more when she needed her support, but she'll never regret what it led to, how it's freed her – freed Sam. It changed their lives for the better, the girl in her arms is evidence of that.

Tara's kicked out of her thoughts with a foot to the chest. She manages to pull her arms back just in time to miss a little fist flying for her too.

“What happened to being good for mommy?” she asks the fussing baby. Annie only whines in response, squirming in her arms. “I guess you didn't actually agree, did you?”

She stretches out her legs before getting up off the couch and taking her for a walk around the apartment, bouncing her arms in a way that never fails to calm Annie down. Except tonight it seems.

“You miss her too, huh?” she sighs, stopping at the window and looking out into the night. Sam says she can always feel her with her, Tara wishes she could say the same.

-

Something about tonight's change feels wrong. She's not far enough away, she realises too late. The thought coincides with her head snapping in the direction of home. It's like a beacon calling to her and she begins to move against her wishes. Sam struggles with her limbs as they move on their own. Her mouth growls, but it's not her voice. Home now, it says. No, she snarls back. The wolf doesn't listen. It drives her back, wrestles control over the body from her.

Sam doesn't think she's ever felt so out of control. It's been so long since she's felt this helpless.

This is her fault, she thinks. She got cocky, overconfident. She thought nothing could touch her.

If anything happens to her girls, if she does anything to them, she'll never forgive herself.

-

It's dark inside the building. Not even the moons piercing glow can breach the thick curtains caging the window. It's not right, but sometimes the absence of a blessing is one in itself. The dearth of its guiding light allows this one to violate the sanctum.

The tenacious one knows nothing of what she's truly capable of, knows nothing of what they are capable of. She's passionate but doesn't know how to listen very well. It has much to teach her, so it has to make her listen. It must make a demonstration.

It can hear its victims steady heartbeats. It's own heart races with anticipation as it skulks towards them, body near invisible in the darkness of the room.

-

Tara jolts awake in an instant, gasping. She was having a nightmare, she thinks. The details quickly fade from her mind, but the feeling of terror remains. She feels watched. Hunted. It unnerves her.

Rolling over, Tara reaches into the bassinet beside her to pick up Annie and pull her close. The baby sleeps through the movement, much to her relief. She doesn't want to disturb her just because she had a silly nightmare, but she needs her in her arms. It soothes her nerves, knowing Annie's safe in her embrace.

She turns back to Sam, intent on cuddling into her as she always does when she wakes up scared, before she remembers that Sam isn't here tonight.

The memory of Sam walking out the door sets her back on edge, arms tightening around her daughter on reflex. The dip in the mattress beside her is usually nothing to note, just a reminder that she's safe and her sister is here beside her.

Now it's an alarm bell screeching in her ears.

She holds her breathe, frozen. That's when she hears the panting, notices the prescence beside her. It's familiar, yet not.

The wolf begins to move, now noticed. It leans towards her, hot breathe blowing against the side of her face.

This isn't Sam, something inside of her screams.

The beast lurches forward, snapping its jaw near her ear. Tara hates the way she whimpers, curling up to protect Anika. She doesn't want it to know she's scared. It's still a part of Sam, how can she fear any part of her?

"Please," she whispers as it growls. She can feel the way it moves around her, fur brushing against her bare arms, reaching, grabbing.

The wolf has always claimed Tara as its own. They feared how it may react to another claiming her too, even before it began to show interest in the baby.

"Don't hurt her."

Her voice is edged with desperation, tears beginning to fall.

It doesn't like that, and snaps again, nipping at her shoulder, snarling all the while.

The beast steps back, reevaluating as it watches the girl only draw away, hiding the pup further. It cannot treat prey like a predator, it thinks.

It barks and lays down, pinning its intended's legs with their own, head resting on its paws. It means them no harm, as she fears, but it has no way to communicate this with a human. The moon only knows its host would never allow them the opportunity to speak through them, only to. It laments this fact, for it has so much to say to their packmates.

The thought has the wolf whimpering.

The noise makes Tara peek up from between her arms and legs. She meets the curious silver eyes peering up at her, and feels reassured.

This still isn't Sam, but it is familiar. She's met this wolf before, been protected by it before. It makes her fear dull.

Relaxing, Tara begins to reveal the baby to the wolf once again. Its ears perk up, tail beginning to wag.

It shuffles forward, pausing to look up at Tara, concerned it may scare her away again. She bites her lip, considering, before lowering her arms.

Annie's awake now, disturbed by the nighttime interruption, sleepy brown eyes staring up at the two of them.

She lets out a yawn, and the wolf immediately nudges forward to nose at her. The movement makes Tara flinch, and it draws back, waiting.

A hand on its head gives it the confirmation its been waiting for, and it finally gets to meet their newest packmember.

"Gentle," she warns, and if it could roll its eyes, it would. It's no fool, it knows the pup is fragile, weak and in need of protection. It's been trying all month! Its host has been so selfish, keeping it locked away. It needs to mark the pup as pack, so others know she's claimed.

Tara watches the beast nuzzle her daughter. She feels stupid now, seeing how careful it is with her. How could she have ever thought any part of Sam would hurt her daughter? Sam may doubt herself, but Tara never should.

She won't make that mistake again.

The wolf finishes scent marking Anika and moves on to Tara instead, taking her off guard.

"I smell just fine," she grumbles pushing the massive head away with one hand, the other cradling Annie in her lap.

It just grabs at her hand, catching it between teeth and weaving its tongue between her fingers.

"Gross."

[mdhwrites]

Mavuika's Bike is Off Putting

So a friend of mine who loves Genshin got to venting to me about people who complained that Natlan couldn't make a motorcycle. That they supposedly don't have the technology and infrastructure and stuff like that. To that argument, I say shut the fuck up. That is a bad faith argument that ignores the fact that other nations don't get the same questions raised at them and that, you know... it's magical science. Guys.

HOWEVER

They're not wrong for feeling that it's off, they're just trying to apply real world logic to sound valid in those feelings because they're not actually able to make a reasonable argument for why the bike bothers them. They want to make an argument that can't be disproven, that's objective, to something that is at it's core actually a subjective matter though with objective layers brought in of aesthetics and fitting in that cause the subjective question to be asked in the first place.

I need to first get this out of the way though: If it could be made does not matter. We actually know like how it was made and I'll get to part of that because it will play a part but whether or not it can be made does not. It's a story. They can do whatever they damn well please. That's part of the fun of magic. The real question is whether or not that magic fits with everything else.

And... No. Mavuika's bike doesn't. Very flatly. Natlan takes a LOT from old African culture in terms of aesthetics which means a lot of rock, stone and gems. A lot of sturdy materials, grand temple murals and even their automaton enemies are more lost tech like the Zonai from Tears of the Kingdom than they are anything modern.

Meanwhile, Mavuika's bike is, well... This.

That is, being extremely blunt, just some California biker chick with her hopped up, stylized motorcycle. Like... This thing has tire treads even. There is nothing about this that isn't just anime motorbike. Even looking behind her, you can see very clearly the aesthetic of this place and how neither her or the bike really seem to fit in besides a lot of red. This is some tourist.

This is the actual problem. Anytime I see comics of Mavuika and Capitano, they look more like they belong from the same faction than anytime I see Mavuika with her own people and this is reflected in her weapon. It looks like they should belong to some hotshot from the Outer Ring in ZZZ, not the leader of Natlan. She doesn't fit in and there's not really a grand explanation for that. Something to make it moral or some deep inherent flaw with the storytelling. It's just a mix match of aesthetics that don't function together that cause you to question if you're okay with that clash.

Buuuut there is a rule of storytelling at play here. The rule that does make how it was made matter.

THAT BIKE IS A FUCKING DRAGON!?

Yeah, it's, in part, the manifestation of a fire dragon's power and after you tell me that, I go "YEAH! THAT'S WHAT A DRAGON BIKE LOOKS LIKE!" It is Rule of Cool... Which means if you don't find it cool but silly, or sillier than cool, then yeah, it's gonna lose you. You're going to see through the problem that's there. It's like when you realize some major fighter wears heels. For those who are digging the style and added flair they add, they aren't going to care about the heels. If you aren't that into them, it's just another incongruity that digs at you and makes you question why you're even bothering with the product when it's being so silly.

So like I said above: Both sides here are valid. The people who don't like it just need to get their heads out of their ass and be willing to be honest that it's not whether the bike can exist, it's whether it SHOULD exist or not. And that sort of question is always going to be a matter of opinion. People don't like having to admit something is a subjective call because you can't win an argument like that.

So they'll get silly themselves and try to smash a motorbike on your head, which is just a little funny to me when you consider what makes this work for so many. See you next tale.

======+++++======

This is when I would tell you that I take asks but uh... I haven't touched Genshin in a long time and am using my friend for much of this. ^^; I love Star Rail though so if you want to send me asks about that, please do!

Also, the TL:DR for this blog is that Mavuika and her bike will work for you only if it passes the vibe check for a specific person.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[sagekjs21]

Ok. She's not an OC, but I'm answering these for my head canon version of Berryheart. Why? Because the Erins screwed her up, and now she's officially mine. :-D

@pinestripe37 @dragoneyes618 Tagging you both up front so I don't forget.

1. Definitely less than five minutes.

2. In sarcasm? Extremely. At other things? It really depends.

3. By thinking, or trying not to think depending on her mood.

4. Difficult

5. Moderate

6. Flexible

7. Sad things mostly. No, she doesn't like this feeling.

8. No one paid much attention to her. Probably Snowbird told her often to not wake her unless it was important.

9. In a Warriors way, sure. And I don't know lol.

10. A lie about Needletail, and it definitely does. (Not giving spoilers here)

11. She DEFINITELY pretends she understands! Admiting confusion would make her vulnerable.

12. Can that even happen to cats? She would probably get incredibly frustrated and blame StarClan.

13. Not applicable, but she loathes pink.

14. Cats actually...

15. Thought of on the spot.

16. Emotionally? Memories full of guilt. Physically? Kittypet food,

17. For sure! Her INSANE amount of pride! But she will never let a hint of it show.

18. Anything that could make her look less than.

19. Three

20. It would depend on who she was speaking with.

21. Currently? She wants to,protect her family. In the future? ...

22. She would get possessive, but turn completely aloof when called out on it.

23. She gets depressed, assuming that what she wants was just never meant for her.

24. Not at all applicable.

25. It depends on the cats involved, this would take WAY too long to properly answer.

26. Walking

27. Basically PTSD triggers

28. Only if it came from Sparrowtail.

29. No :-) <333

30. Darktail

31. Sparrowtail and... ??? (No spoilers, remember?)

32. No

33. No

34. Extremely

35. I don't think this has ever happened to her actually, but eventually, when something like this will happen in my fic, yes, she will be supportive.

36. Sparrowtail,will be her one and only mate. That's all I can say for now.

37. I have no idea

38. Traumatic memories and memories of her kits.

39. Extremely difficult

40. She sees almost all of them and desperately works to deny them, rationalize them, or cover them up.

41. She loves them.

42. She is fairly unmotivated right now.

43. She's a cat. I don't need to explain further.

A. That is a question that I will be answering in an article for BlogClan.

B. Simply? Vindication for the traumatized.

C. No

D. The same.

E. We'd mostly get along.

F. Love

G. Her need to save face. We are both proud, but my pride manifests very differently. I learned at a very young age that trying to save face really just makes you look like an even bigger fool almost every single time.

H. Tenacity

I. Mostly

J. Please read my fic for an answer to this question.

Uncommon Questions for OCs and their creators:

Send me a # (questions for OCs) or a letter (questions for creators) and I’ll answer

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

How easy is it to earn their trust?

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

What animal do they fear most?

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

What makes their stomach turn?

Are they easily embarrassed?

What embarrasses them?

What is their favorite number?

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Why do they get up in the morning? 

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

 Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? 

 What are their thoughts on marriage? 

 What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

 What causes them to feel dread? 

 Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? 

 Do they usually live up to their own ideals? 

 Who do they most regret meeting? 

 Who are they the most glad to have met? 

 Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

 Could they be considered lazy? 

 How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? 

 How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? 

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? 

What memory do they revisit the most often? 

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

How do they feel about children? 

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character? B) What inspired you to create them? C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story? D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look? E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you? F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)? G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most? H) What trait do you admire most? I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe? J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

[mentaljourney]

04/08/2025

Today wasn't bad I'm just soo tired I had to close at my job two days in a row and now I have a headache and I can just fall asleep right now but I'm going to stay up. So Coach Hottie didn't message me again today maybe he will just to check on me. Idk I just don't allow him to message him first because I end up just giving myself a reason to message him. God why can't a man like that want me. All I am is just stuck with someone who thinks not trying in the best way for us to live our lives forever. I would prefer him to make an effort about anything in our relationship I swear he doesn't. My dad told me he needs "How to be a Man" training. I just think I need to cut my losses and just move on. I hope Coach Hottie knows I manifest him every night. I even pray to God to show him the signs. I know it's crazy I do this for a nigga that's not even mine and I got one but you guys don't understand what I go through. Today Jaylen didn't even see that I cleaned the house a bit because he doesn't care. Atleast he kept it clean because if he didn't I would of just crashed out. Today he has the choice to work or stay home, I really hope he leaves me alone so I can do stuff around the house while he isn't here. I'm tired of him trying to cuddle me every night I just want to be me right now. He doesn't deserve for me to be submissive to him. All he is right now is a roomie I get half of everything when I beg him to, to have sex with when I'm ready. Little does he know that and for right now we are going to ride this out. I had a promise ring from him but he wasn't doing shit if anything he was a worse slob then than he is now. I won't accept a promise ring unless he puts on effort and do a proper promise ring proposal. Why I can't be like the girls that get the hotel room with balloons and stuff. All I get is a nigga who thinks oh since we are having a good day today I have a surprise for you. Hear my dumbass thinking he got me a small gift and tries to give me the promise ring, bitch I should of threw that shit away when he tried that lame ass shit on me. THAT NIGGA GIVES ME THE FUCKING ICKKKKK. Let me stop ranting about a little boy I live with. Today I feel a bit depressed right now tbh I don't understand why, because I should be excited for my therapy session this Thursday on the 10th. Tbh I'm really scared I'm afraid she will uncover how much of a hypocrite I am that I don't even allow chances or that she will make me cry. Maybe I should cancel the appointment I'm so afraid what this bitch is going to say to me. Well if I keep my method on how I meet people the same it should be fine. I legit hate people first then like them later because if they can change my mind which is extremely hard then they earned the right to talk to me or for me to talk about my problems to them. I missed Jasmine today she like left as soon as I got there, she didn't even say hi to me ;(. She's my true bestie besides my friend from elizabeth city. I don't message her often but like you know I really should I'll do that tomorrow and try to keep convo and update you guys on that. Which reminds me I have to rant about my online friend's relationship. I'll do a part two tonight guys.

[divinelygrown]

I just need to rant a bit (a lot) about interpersonal relationships.

Okay so i have three main friends, Kr, K, and S. They are all white women. I'm aware this is a problem and I've been actively working to rectify this. I do have black and latin friends. but my main three of Kr K and S when it comes to women friendships.

First lets talk about Kr. Because she and i have been friends the longest. Literally met in middle school. And while that is beautiful it is also a huge problem. Because I'm constantly having to watch her struggle in ways that are often a reflection of unaddressed trauma and she frequently plays the victim and like struggles to save herself. Now a little background about me. I am a mental health professional with a sociological background. I have an immense amount of empathy but it grows thin because i just dont always leave room for people that dont know how to be single especially when it is to their own deterrent. I say this because she had been in three different long term (several years each) relationships with abusive men. And most recently she just had her first child. I love her baby and I love her but this friendship is getting to be really challenging when i think about patterns and her current situation.

Like this man is severely mentally ill. Like she has always wanted to be a mom and we are in our 30s so i get not wanting to wait any longer. But like you are not tied for the rest of your life to this man who is awful to you. And like she is so loving, always has been. All she has ever wanted was to be loved romantically. But I'm watching this relationship change her and now post partum is really creating challenges. And while i want her to be able to talk to me about anything, the last time we talked about him she disclosed that she was no longer safe. like physically safe. And so i said its time to go love, lets go. lets figure this out. and she has found so many reasons to as to why she cant leave. even before the sweet baby. And then she claps back at me about how i can't talk because i struggled to leave my ex. But my ex would cross rivers for my safety. he may not be shit in the commitment department, but that man is always going to make sure I'm safe physically, and he would NEVER lock me in with a baby without being certain of commitment. And why are you deflecting, bitch we are talking about you and your wellbeing adn safety.

and when i tell you she was grasping at straws to say i wasn't over my ex. but like i admit my shit. I'm not over him but I'm pretty damn close. and unlike her, he and i never lived together, never shared finances, never made life altering moves together. this isn't comparable. She leaves one abusive man for the next abusive man. and now she is stuck. actually stuck. and she is telling me i need to go no contact with my ex, but no. he doesn't hurt me. he keeps me in mind. he was a horrible partner, but an amazing friend. she cant say the same.

In that same conversation, i redirect the conversation to talking about manifesting love and what i want love to look like in teh future. She proceeds to tell me she is in love with me. Now mind you, this isn't the first time she has told me this. But because she doesn't know how to be single, because she treats relationships like life rafts, i can not take you seriously. she has never once told me she is in love with me when she is single. not once. So i literally dont even bother creating space in my room to process this because what does that even mean when someone is in a relationship. how am i to think you mean it? i dont have that kind of flexibility.

Anyway, its fucked up. its fucked up that i have been your biggest cheerleader, your words not mine, the last 11 months, and when i express concerns about your safety this is the outcome.

so then i take pause and reflect. because I know a lot of this is post partum. And i am wrong for trying to get her to leave. But also I'm not solution oriented. in fact the only time I'm not solution oriented was with my ex and that is done. I am extremely solution oriented even with him. So the moment she discloses serious danger, yeah, I'm no longer a venting person. and she isn't going to leave. and she wont go to therapy to address the relationship hopping, family trauma, current relationship problems, the huge change that is having a baby, or the fact that she moved across the country to be with this man, etc.

So then as i'm trying to pause and reflect, she asks me how she can be a better friend. But like... no. you arent safe right now and honestly dont need to be carrying my shit. which is what i said basically. I said that i cant fix this and that i trust her to use teh resources available to her. and i also say i dont want to talk about things but right now I dont have faith that she has the capacity to be a better friend and that i would much rather her focus on herself as i am patient. then we kind of do the awkward dance of something is wrong but like idk.

anyway, today she sends me a voicenote saying she feels like a client and how it hurts her that i think i have to fix her. I'm not fixing any damn body. I told you to go use the resources to fix what you got going on. She had already said she was scared of her personality changes and anger and lack of coping. So like I dont want people think they are a patient. Also how i treat patients is so different from how i treat my friends. because my patients are chunks of time, not lasting relationships outside of one hour a week. I care about my patients but i do not employ intervention or treatment planning or research or diagnosis my friends.

and then she says i talk shit about my friends nad she is scared i talk shit about her. But like anything she has heard me say being my friends backs, I've said to their face. and I MEAN ANYTHING. and any friend that i can't stop talking shit about i usually cut off. As i did recently with A. But like we arent in highschool. I assume that while my friends love me and speak highly of me they also see my flaws and get frustrated with me. that is to be human. that is part of intimacy. to love someone even in frustration. So if my friends talk about me negatively in rooms that I'm not in, i hope they also have the compassion to come address that shit to my face with love and kindness. Which is what i did. Venting is a form of processing. To be afraid of someone venting about you is childish. If i dont vent somewhere or have friends that i trust to call me out on my own limited perspective, how am i suppose to gain the language for how i feel or how I want to address things to your face? And if i silo these frustrations, then how will I know when i am wrong? How will i grow or gain perspective?

Hopefully she takes a break and I can take a break and we can try this again later. Because right now I am annoyed. very very very annoyed. Because everything i say is taken to the wrong place and then she wants me to be vulnerable while also still playing the victim. no accountability. I literally dont have space for this. Like you want to know how to be a better friend, but then you take everything to a sore and sour place. no babes, you arent in that space to be having that convo. you are mentally ill and you need help. beyond what a friend can offer you. And i do not judge you for that, but I am not a mother, i am perpetually single, I dont have experience in this. There is a limit to this as a friend. you need professional help. and real friends say that instead of continuing to hold a ear and let you complain indefinitely without ever making changes in your life to support your own happiness.

[ampedupkaon]

August Writing Challenge Day 28: Guila/Jericho

AN: Jericho was training Zeal to be a Holy Knight; we know that. It's mentioned when the Sins have kicked the Demon King out of Meliodas and Guila makes the flirtatious comment to Jericho. This takes place some time after that training has started.

“Do you think I could do it?” Jericho had pondered that. She also knew Zeal was capable, even if his magic hadn't manifested yet. Hers manifested after her brother had died, so it didn't say much that his hadn't.

“You have good stamina, you pick the skills up quickly... I think you're capable Zeal.” He was frowning and she didn't like that.

“You need to think you're capable too though. Magic doesn't work if you don't believe you're capable. I'd know; been there, done that.” He didn't appear to believe her, but they could work on that. Another day. It was getting late. She didn't like walking home in the dark on her own. She should have kept better track of the time. Guila peeked out, seeing the two of them still.

“All done for the day?” She asked, Zeal nodding in answer.

“I actually disarmed Jericho once!” Guila gave her a look which made her shudder.

“Very impressive Zeal.” Guila took hold of his hand.

“Would you like to stay over, Jericho?” She jumped, not expecting to be spoken to.

“Why?”

“Well, you live on the other side of town. And there are drunkards around at this time of the day who might have a go.” Guila had had to deal with some, she remembered. Men who'd been a little grabby with women who were just walking in the streets. She wasn't sure she wanted that kind of attention. Not after Ravens.

“Can I?”

“I wouldn't have offered if I didn't think it okay.”

“Thank you.” Jericho pondered if it would be appropriate to hug Guila for the kindness. Perhaps not outside. She recalled an incident at a tavern where two of the waitresses had been knocked into each other and had held each other so they didn't fall. The men had whistled, approving of the 'woman-on-woman action'. Hence, she'd wait until they were inside. She followed the dark haired girl and Zeal inside, heading to the rooms where they were staying. She shivered when she realised Guila had only one bed. She could sleep on the couch, but it wouldn't be comfortable.

“I meant it, thank you for letting me stay over.” She hugged Guila, who seemed a little surprised at the contact now.

“Oh, think nothing of it.” Jericho let go now, stepping towards the couch; her bed for the night.

“The bed is over here.” She gave the black haired girl a confused look.

“I can't take your bed off you, that's not fair.”

“You aren't. We can share the bed.” Her cheeks went red at the other girl's words.

“We... we can't do that! It's...”

“We both have the same parts, Jericho. And... unless you intend to handle mine... I don't see what the problem is.” She chewed that over for a moment. She supposed there wasn't a problem. She didn't sleep in the nude. And from what she could recall, Guila didn't either. They were a similar size; she could borrow a nightdress for one night. They had bathed together; they'd saw the other's parts before.

“Alright... can I borrow something to sleep in?” Guila fished out a nightdress for her, before heading over to the bed. Jericho turned around when she saw Guila starting to undress; they might have saw it before, but it was rude to stare. She quickly took her clothes off, pondering whether to slip her panties off too. She dragged the nightdress on, it a little too long for her liking. Mind made up, her panties found the floor.

“It does suit you.” Guila remarked, sitting on the bed waiting for her. She made her way over, sitting on the other side. She climbed in after the other girl, keeping to one side of the bed.

“I had hoped you might... join me.” Guila had shuffled to the middle of the bed, getting comfortable. Jericho wasn't convinced she should move closer.

“Come on, what's one night of cuddling between friends, right? I'm sure those three have cuddled, if only by accident.” She... she guessed they might have done. She shuffled closer and Guila slid her arms over her waist. She nervously hugged back; unsure what Zeal might think if he saw his sister and his instructor cuddling like this.

“Relax. I'm not expecting you to kiss me goodnight, you know.” Guila giggled when her cheeks flushed. The thought of kissing was... kind of appealing. She wasn't sure if she'd want to kiss Guila though.

“Night Guila.”

“Sweet dreams, Jericho.” The black haired girl whispered, before getting comfortable. Jericho got as comfortable as she thought she was going to get while being held like this and closed her eyes. Sleep found her surprisingly quickly.

AN: Zeal finds the two of them in the morning. He doesn't have any problems with it; quite the opposite. He's happy his sister has found somebody she's happy to cuddle with; after the problems she'd had in relationships in the past. Jericho is quick to explain that it isn't like that, not realising Guila said nothing of the sort.

[blog-reflection]

ONE / Twenty Four - Somewhere in Between Something

I don’t know what to do.

Seriously I have no Idea what I am supposed to do now. I never thought this strange trick from Lucia would’ve actually been useful. Stuff like this only happens in movies or some sort of teenage growing up relationship thing and I am sure as hell that I ain’t in such a story. Against all laws of a clear mind I skipped the message and took an investigating look at his profile. His picture showed him at some kind of party. Lots of lights and people everywhere. He wasn’t standing, but sitting, the ground was blurry in the background. He sat on the top of a bench which was leaning against a small wall, one foot stood on the bench while the other one was laying all out. He was holding a lighter and just stared at the flame. It’s a really cool picture if you ask me. The name was the same, Green Otter. I highly believe that Otter isn't his second name but I also couldn’t figure out what it could be. His pronouns are he/him, but I’ve already known that one from the cafe. There was also a status he filled out. 

“somewhere in between something”

I’m not sure where that is aiming at but I like the sound of it. And that was kind of it. He didn’t have any information in his profile besides an emoji of an otter. I get it though, they are cute as hell. So, if we gather all the information we know that his name is Ethan something Green, He’s a tall blond guy who works in a cafe near school grounds. He likes otters, which is a cute fact to know and he likes to go to parties. That isn’t really what I assume as much information but well it has to do. After I scanned his profile I decided to look at his message and at least to give him an answer. I don’t know what I’ll write so I guess I’ll be freestyling that one. 

Discord conversation 

@GreenOtter Today at 9.50pm

Hi If I am honest, I don’t really know how to start this. I found this user tag on one of the bills from today. I am sorry but I can’t really pin it down to a person just yet. There has been a lot going on today so I thought I would use this opportunity to get my mind off work. My name is Ethan by the way, nice to maybe meet you(?) hope I didn’t make this strange!

@Fallen_Jam Today at 10.07pm

I…I don’t even know what to say too. This was the Idea of a friend of mine. She wanted to connect us somehow. I guess it worked. My name’s James, nice to meet you too Ethan. 

Well that went better than I anticipated. I told Lucia all about what just happened which facing the fact isn't a lot to be fair. Nonetheless Lucia was already rooting for us saying that that is the first step into something that can be a relationship. If you can’t tell, she’s manifesting it and I am not sure whether or not I like that. She is all over it, literally. Lucia is such a sucker when it comes to anything that involves even the slighted spark of romance. I never fully understood her to be honest. I think I only ever loved one person, which fucked me up. Twice. But she doesn't know him. Only Jesse does. I asked Lucia if it would be cool for me to crash at her place for the night, which she thankfully agreed on. Yes I know I wanted to visit Jesse but I don’t really in the mood to drive this late. We both finished up the pizza and got ready for bed. 

Let’s see what tomorrow holds. 

(Today has been shorter than usual due to personal issues, I still wanted to keep you guys up to date. Pls don’t be mad, next thursday will be just as usual)

[dammit-tazmuir]

Oh VERY MUCH. All the Lyctors are so fascinating ofc but I feel like Augustine in particular often gets ignored, just lumped into the polycule / hateship with Mercy (without particularly exploring his role in all of it), and/or just kind of seen as an unlikable asshole with little beyond that. And like yes he is very much an asshole, but there's definitely more too.

To start, I think it's especially interesting to contrast him and Mercy.

On the surface, Mercymorn is a high-strung bitch who wears a lot of emotions on her sleeve and has basically been losing her mind for 10,000 years yet somehow still never run out. Augustine, on the other hand, "was the closest thing you had ever experienced to human plex", devoid of substance, wearing a friendly mask to hide that he's been more or less dead inside and too exhausted to give a fuck in millennia.

When we see them under stress or clashing, Mercy is more openly vulnerable, even if she might try not to be, and can get frazzled and scattered. Augustine tends to be more laser-focused and can be venomously aggressive. (Of course, when it's not each other that has them upset, they do also sometimes "take turns" with who's having a breakdown and have since pre-Resurrection, which is just fascinating in and of itself, but I digress.) ((Also ofc, in retrospect, knowing the main thing he was pissed at her about in that "you've made yourself unlovable" conversation was continuing Blood of Eden involvement, his knock it off before you get us both caught and killed attitude wasn't entirely unreasonable but ya know.))

But we have to look too at what's not said.

Mercymorn is constantly mean and critical, but rather than looking at what she's saying, looking at the subject matter reveals a very different pattern. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy, and a massive portion of everything we ever hear her say is screaming how deeply she cares about people; she just chooses the worst ways to say it. She doesn't say "I miss my dead friends and I'm upset by the idea of you basically coming in to replace them," she says "You're not as pretty as [Cyrus/Anastasia]." She doesn't say "After all this time I'm still a medical professional and I'm appalled to see a patient in such abysmal condition," she says "Why are you people always such a curious mix of the competent and the completely deranged?! [...] Out of my way, you wretched, cack-handed children, and let me fix it." She does say "I watched Cassiopeia die" but also "I remember thinking, Lord, what will we do with your ceramics collection, there's so much of it..."

M—'s dying words in her first life weren't for herself, but begging them to please just take John alive. And of course, she says, "I wanted it to be me. I didn’t want it to be you. I didn’t want it to be you, Augustine, after all … the sin needed to be mine. [...] Millions of people … all those millions of our people … No, I had to do it. I am not very nice, Augustine, and I was never very good."

Augustine is constantly somewhere between flippant and cruel, but it's a similar deal. He brings Alfred up unprompted when Harrow asks him about himself, even going into detail. He's so tired and worn down by the monotony, but he clings to the past rather than look to anything truly new. He wants to give Harrow his favorite old recipes so she can get them interestingly wrong, but not to seek out new ones. His bedroom is warm, comforting, friendly, filled with books and tasteful paintings (how long do you think he's had the same ones?), with polished wood in a universe where wood has become a rarity. He goes for a tuxedo for the dinner party and Harrow notes that it's ancient, a historical artefact, and he waxes about the shindigs they used to throw, oh you should have seen them. Where Mercy's grief manifests as anger, Augustine's manifests as nostalgia.

And he's so genuinely profoundly tired of Mercy, but he knows her like he knows his own soul and the trust that comes with that in spite of everything cannot be replicated. Alfred's sword is sacred to him, and when he swears on it to keep Mercy's secret, she believes him.

In some ways, she's the more dedicated of the two. She was the one willing to take the plunge and kill the man they loved when she thought she had a chance, a plan that you have to remember began no less than 500 years ago. Their conclusion that John lied to them about lyctorhood wasn't why they turned on him, it just exacerbated everything. It wasn't about personal revenge. It was about ending the empire. She was the face and spokesperson with BoE. They always wanted to evacuate the (relatively) innocent citizens, but weighing probably less than 20 million people total against all shepherd planets, planets they killed, and all other people they would have gone on to conquer and colonize and destroy the livelihoods if not the lives of... It's hard to fault her for seeing that trolley and pulling the lever. She was the one willing to get blood on her hands to do it.

But then, as you say, Augustine is the one willing to say, no, we're not done. Even if it is too late to evacuate, we have to save who we can. Any survivors, anyone who was off-world, anyone left, because there will be people left and we have a duty to them. "Somewhere out there exists a home not paid for with blood; it won’t be for us, but it will be for those who have been spared. Babies always get born. Houses get built. And flowers will die on necromancy's grave." The unmarked grave line is one of my favorites in the series, but this one right before is also so good and deserves just as much recognition imo...

And then just in the interest of character analysis and because it is so very good...

Her throat was working. “Augustine—” The Lyctor took her silently in his arms: they held each other like children who’d had a nightmare and had woken in a fright. Just as silently, they detached. She said in a low voice, “He was right. There can be no forgiveness.” “Then let us not seek out forgiveness, but forgetfulness,” he said. “Bury me next to you in that unmarked grave, Joy. We knew that was the only hope we ever had—that we would live to see it through … and pray for our own cessation. Oh, we’ll still hate each other, my dear, we have hated each other too long and too passionately to stop … but my bones will rest easy next to your bones.” Augustine raised his head, for the first time, to look out at his frozen audience, of which probably the most animated member was Cytherea’s body, which my mum had completely abandoned.

The silent, mutually desperate and comforting hug. The way he was thinking about the people, the future, the next generations, yet for a few minutes within this room no one existed but Mercy. And the...

I hate you. I so deeply and genuinely hate you. The only person who ever might have irritated me than you was your Cavalier and you're a little bit her now too, just like I'm a little bit the person I loved most, thanks to her and to you. I will never stop resenting you, but there's a deeply familiar comfort in that resentment. You had the ability to piss me off on sight 10,000 years ago and you damn sure still have it now, and that's amazing. Almost nothing makes me feel much of anything anymore, but you do, and intensely, even after all this time. We've always hated each other and always worked well together despite it. There's a unique trust built by hating each other. I never have to worry about you lying to me. If you have a problem with me, you won't hesitate to say it. If you want to hurt me, you will, but you haven't killed me yet. You just proved you could turn me into mist with a touch but I'm holding you tight anyway because you won't. I know you too well. I look down on how easily you break under pressure, but when I need to, neither of us has to say a word. To swap places and back is reflex, second nature. I will gladly go decades avoiding you but I cannot imagine my life or death without you. I want to keep hating you for the rest of our lives, and I can think of no greater comfort in death than to lie forever next to you.

Sorry this is so long but aoiwjeoiagjaweg I LOVE AUGUSTINE. Just. God... Tamsyn Muir understands kismesitude better than anyone ever and that alone is enough to make me feral, but even beyond that. Even before the final chapters.

It's also worth mentioning his dynamic with Ianthe. Like yeah he got really impatient with her training after a while (and, you know, similar to Mercy's BoE stuff, that was a matter of "if you can't do this it might literally be the death of us" so there's that), and yeah in the end she saved John at the cost of betraying him (possibly for a lot of reasons but likely first on the list being she wasn't willing to risk John's death meaning Corona's death). But as much as she talks about how fawning is part of her plan, she also praises him to Harrow in private. As much as he's grateful for excuses to tell his nostalgic old man stories to anyone, Ianthe consistently eats them up and that's extra nice. As critical as he can be he also offers a lot of praise, and even if it's flippant it's still nice to hear, and frankly more recognition than most people give her. Mercy accuses him of coddling Ianthe with the concern he shows for her. Even after at best "letting" him get sucked into hell, Ianthe quotes him unprompted in NtN and speaks of him with reverence in The Unwanted Guest.

Lastly it's very worth looking at the House he founded. The Fifth's entire vibe. At Magnus and Abigail. At where that culture came from.

He's such a good and interesting character. ;w; And I really do hope so badly that it turns out people (or at least lyctors) can survive getting cronched on and dragged to hell, because G1deon and Pyrrha are the dual embodiment of discipline, heedless of trial. Mercymorn the founder of the Forgiving House, the House for salvation, no matter the cost, paid the ultimate cost for her attempt with "I forgive you everything, Lord..." And it really would be so nice to see the ultimate pinnacle of Five for tradition, and debts to the dead.

There's really something in how despite his hollow flippancy, Augustine was the only one of his generation who hadn't given up.

Cytherea would have personally killed everyone in the solar system and then God, trying to die. Mercymorn tried to do it the other way around, but she had the same end in mind. Augustine is the one who said no. No, there are people out there. Real people, to whom we have a responsibility, and to whom we owe a future. Until. You know.

[heavenlythea]

fulfillment doesn't always mean that you have to be the one who has the thing

before we discovered the law and started taking care of our minds majority of us were operating from the scarcity mindset. now we know that instead of having fear as our primary motivator, we can operate from love instead. but it takes some practice and that's alright.

when we apply the law, we often approach it from the scarcity mindset without even realizing it. this brings a ton of unnecessary frustration:

you feel like you have to (physically) have the thing to be able to appreciate it. you have to have it in front of your eyes / on your mind 24/7 to feel like it's yours. you're so focused on whether the thing is yours or not that you forget to be grateful that it exists, even if it's just in form of a possibility.

that's what a combination of loa and living from fear does. you're constantly grasping something; the more you try to get it and claim it, the further away it seems to get.

now how does mixing the law and living from love feel?

you know you don't have to own something to be able to enjoy it and appreciate it. you milk out the enjoyment out of whatever your situation right now is. you are grateful for the mere possibilities of something existing because you know that it can give you the same amount of joy and fulfillment as the actual thing etc.

and the more you practice this, the more you realize that oftentimes you don't actually want to own the thing, you just want to enjoy it. you don't want to have it, you just want it to be part of your life experience. and you'll realize that even things that pass or aren't part of your life 24/7 can bring you long-term fulfillment. just encountering them is enough. they may pass, but the fulfilment can stay.

the best way to start practicing this is by being grateful for things you don't actually own / have in your life directly:

appreciate the flowers in your local cafe

enjoy the drive in your sibling's new car

appreciate gorgeous outfits you see on pinterest without the need to own the exact items

enjoy seeing your neighbor's new puppy and maybe even pet it

listen genuinely and attentively to your friend's description of their trip abroad

smile when you see a couple on a romantic date

enjoy a new album of your fave artist as much as you can even if you're not going to their concert

etc.

these things may not be yours to own, but they can be yours to enjoy and appreciate and that's what matters after all ♡

personal note: this is actually how i accidentally manifested a puppy as a kid. for the longest time i wanted a dog. i was really whining about it and constantly asking my parents for one but they just wouldn't agree.

then one of my friends that never cared about having a puppy as much as i did received one for her birthday. i was thrilled about it. sure, the puppy wasn't mine, but i could still go on walks, play and cuddle with him. i imagined how i'm gonna spend the whole summer with my friend and her new puppy and i was so happy about it.

the same day just a few hours later my mom told me that she's gonna talk my dad into getting a new puppy for our family as well. she did it out of nowhere and out of her own initiative. from the way she talked about the whole situation, it was obvious that somehow she thought that not having a puppy while my friend does have one would make me feel even more sad and disappointed. she had no idea that i was perfectly fine with my friend's new pet because i thought that that's the closest best thing to actually having one myself. but i stayed silent about that and within two weeks we had a new puppy at home as well.