#(don't think that's what would actually happen though

[garlend]

You're in a field, you swing out your arm, you hit a bunch of bugs and tall grasses or a tree or a bush or something. You listen and you hear birds calling and animals rustling and the sound of birds on the wing.

We are not in a field. We are in an infinite barren plain with no life or movement, utterly alone and isolated with no life in sight, except for the ground we stand on.

This is concerning, because we don't know why our patch of ground is so special. We'd like to understand if we should be worried about whether there were any other patches of ground around us that were like we are now.

So lets do some math.

Lets say that you have a really simple method of broadcasting your genes, akin to ballooning spiders or maple whirligigs.

Your method of hopping stars is to make one (plus or minus a billion) really sturdy seeds, kick them into the oort cloud, and wait for a star to pass within a light year of your star and shuffle your oort clouds together so the passing star leaves with some of your kids. Classic life tactic, make a shit ton of kids that can wait for a decade or million and pop up when conditions are right to race through an open environment.

It takes about ten million years for stars to pass within a light year of each other. Our ancestors actually saw this happen, with scholz's star. Passed right through our oort cloud (.8 ly away) and got our grody germs all over itself. Poor manners on our part, shoulda cleaned the place up a bit before they dropped by.

So, assuming life has been clever enough to figure this out in the past 13 billion years, how long would it take for this lazy ecosystem to colonize every star in the galaxy, all 100 billion of them? About 300 million years, enough for an orbit around the milky way with some change. If it started in the carboniferous it'd be wrapping up around today.

From this, we can confidently conclude that no void ecology has evolved for 97% of the universes existence, or about 1 sextillion star years. 1,300,000,000,000,000,000,000 cumulative years, 100 billion stars times 13 billion years (though this is definitely over by an order of magnitude or three).

So, compared to 13 billion, 300 million isn't that large a number, and it's basically the most conservative speed I've heard for alien expansion. It is achieved at near zero speed, just riding along with stars, with no need for what most people think of as interstellar adventuring. It doesn't require interstellar organization, it doesn't even require advanced aliens. It only requires life to exploit a strategy we know it exploits here.

It's like looking at a flood plain and wondering where the algae is. The ratio of algae to earth and humans to the galaxy is about right.

And sorry that the introduction you've had to the fermi paradox is focused on blunt level ideas that are fun to talk about and not the boring math ones that scientists do a lot of math about.

I low-key love the fact that sci-fi has so conditioned us to expect to be hanging out with a bunch of cool space aliens, that legitimate, actual scientists keep proposing the most bizarre, three-blunts-into-the-rotation "theories" to explain the fact we're not.

Some of my favourites include:

Zoo Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they're not talking to us because of the Prime Directive from Star Trek? (Or because they're doing experiments on us???)

Dark Forest Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they all hate us and each other so they're all just waiting with a shotgun pointed at the door, ready to open fire on anything that moves?

Planetarium Theory: What if there's at least one alien with mastery over light and matter that's just making it seem to us that the universe is empty to us as, like, a joke?

Berserker Theory: What if there were loads of aliens, but one of them made infinite killer robots that murdered everyone and are coming for us next?!!

Like, the universe is at least 13,700,000,000 years old and 46,000,000,000 light years big. We have had the ability to transmit and receive signals for, what, 100 years, and our signals have so far travelled 200 light years?

The fact is biological life almost certainly has, does, or will develop elsewhere in the universe, and it's not impossible that a tiny amount of it has, does, or will develop in a way that we would understand as "intelligent". But, like, we're realistically never going to know because of the scale of the things involved.

So I'm proposing my own hypothesis. I call it the "Fool in a Field" hypothesis. It goes like this:

Humanity is a guy standing in the middle of a field at midnight. It's pitch black, he can't move, and he's been standing there for ages. He's just had the thought to swing his arms. He swings one of his arms, once, and does not hit another person. "Oh no!" He says. "Robots have killed them all!"

[patricia-taxxon]

Have you ever considered doing a video responding to, like, the harrassment campaign against you? I keep running into an issue with recommending your content publically where there will be some guy on reddit or whatever, like, parroting ridiculous talking points about you like you being a pedophile because you wore a t shirt of an album in a video once and like, I think having a comprehensive video where you address the allegations could actually be helpful to you in the long run in that regard. If not that's fine though like, I don't think most people actually think that about you, from what I've seen it's like a very vocal minority of people so it may also be useful to just like, ignore it.

I've considered it, but the issue is that I'd be aiming at a moving target. Usually I link my statement to people who ask, and it usually gets across the issue to most reasonable people, but sometimes I just get "well, that doesn't address this and this and this" and none of the additional things are even recognizable to me, I don't know where I'd begin. The callout is a living franchise of random shit and any response would be out of date within weeks, the buyer's market thing seemed to just come out of nowhere as this new exclusive scoop that apparently proved that I was a secret child rapist, and my response was immediately screenshotted and archived. people who have wrapped part of their self worth in defeating me will always find a way to grow the corpus.

I'm not a teenager anymore, and I'm starting to realize how objectively stupid this looks from the outside, and my existential fear is mostly just a trauma response. The older my friends are, the more bewildered and bemused they are by what's happening. I'm starting to see things from their point of view.

[tritoch]

one thing I find neat about Emet-Selch is that his chauvinism is so intense that it actually prevents him from making the strongest possible case for the unique moral goodness of the ancients, and that this same mental distortion ties into his classic final fantasy need to turn into a Horrible Final Form Monstrosity for your final fight

(for my part I think any minor unique moral goodness the ancients possess they have due to their status as demigods living in eden before the fall. even if they really are morally/intellectually/spiritually/magically/etc. superior to every modern eorzean on a 1:1 level it still doesn't change anything because 1) they are mythical and impossible, that's the whole point and 2) even if they weren't, they still have no particular claim to existence that is superior to anyone else's, no matter how good they are. but the point here is the case Emet-Selch is trying to make, which is that they are more "worthy" of life.)

when he's setting you up for the final amaurot sequence, Emet-Selch hits you with this one:

it's a solid line! stops the party cold for a second.

it's also...not that impressive. do I think if we called a big world meeting that half of everyone would just jump up to be chosen? maybe, maybe not. but, sorry: we're having a big world meeting? are we also demigods with their every material need fulfilled in this version? do we have a one world government that almost everyone seems to fully trust telling us that it knows for real a way to stop the meteor heading towards earth? because honestly i think as soon as we start creating structural similarities like that, it becomes a lot more likely. and every step you take towards making the comparison happen on level ground makes the idea that the ancients were possessed of some unique moral fiber that made them capable of this sacrifice (as opposed to the undeniable abilities in magic and global governance that actually enabled it) seem less and less likely.

and especially if you consider it in the context of what actual people are like. human (and presumably eorzean) history is replete with examples of people sacrificing themselves to save others, even though none of us are immortal wizard philosophers. i don't know how the white-room thought-experiment "will half of you die to save the others???" turns out. but do i think, across a grand rolling catastrophe, that half our population would sacrifice itself to save the other half in a million individual acts of sacrifice to save a parent, a child, a lover, a friend, a stranger? that seems significantly more plausible. altruism and sacrifice for others is even pretty frequent in animals! it's not a very unique moral behavior!

(stanford encyclopedia of philosophy on biological altruism)

but that's not the only sacrifice the ancients made. roll the tape, hythlodaeus!

...Yet oh how the star had suffered. So many species lost. The land was blighted, the waters poisoned, and even the wind had ceased to blow. Once more did our people give of themselves to Zodiark. Another half of our race sacrificed to cleanse the world; to ensure that trees and grasses and myriad tiny lives would sprout and grow and flourish.

(every time I read this speech and hit the ff1/3/5 ref about the land and waters and wind i become mylongestyeahboyever.avi)

this is the step beyond, and it's what separates the ancients from modern humans. they viewed themselves as stewards of the star and really meant it; whatever other criticisms you might level, you can't doubt the depths of their commitment. and this i think really does make them morally distinct from modern people, or at least raises that possibility in a much more compelling way than the first sacrifice. half of the living population sacrificing itself not in a moment of duress and apocalypse but in a moment of calm? when the sacrifice isn't for anything but plants and animals and some tiny proto-eorzeans? that kind of cold, calculated, long-term altruism, aimed at people and living beings that are nothing like you...that does feel like something a little more unique, more worth preserving. even in just the text of the game, we can say with real certainty that the ancients were at least more capable of facing their problems and had greater moral integrity and care for the world than, say, the people who made ra-la.

but emet-selch can't ever say that because rejecting and dishonoring the decision the ancients made as stewards of the star is his primary goal.

like, "my people were uniquely morally good. half the living population sacrificed themselves not for their loved ones or for the survival of their people but simply for the world. for the trees and grasses and the wind and the water. for the humblest insects and for the summer breeze and the tides." that fucks! damn, you got me there! i watch enough people throw aluminum cans in the trash on a weekly basis that i find this sincerely moving and beyond the seeming abilities of my own brethren! oh no, i'm being persuaded by the fascist immortal space wizard!

"and therefore, because they are uniquely morally good, we are going to sacrifice and kill the very things they gave their lives to save, so we can have them back :)" well, shit. i'm experiencing some dissonance here.

but you can't actually lie to yourself as long as emet-selch without distorting your understanding of the truth. you cannot choose to see the world falsely half the time and clearly the other half. in committing to self-deceit and willful ignorance regarding the value of the modern world, emet-selch blinds himself not just to the world as it is but to the ancients as they were. if he could describe accurately the ways in which the ancients were genuinely noble and benevolent, he would also have to able to see clearly how he has entirely deviated from that ideal. and he cannot do that and stay on the path he has chosen, so he simply chooses not to see things accurately.

i cannot help but link this blindness of his to his trial. here, at what seems to emet-selch to be the last stand of the ancients, he says to you "to be clear this fight IS a metaphor, and in that metaphor i stand in for the Entire Unsundered World."

and yet, in standing against you, he betrays both the customs of the ancients and his very title, itself a direct signifier of the mission he was charged with as one of the convocation of fourteen: "to ensure that all is right in creation, that our star may know a brighter future." contra elidibus, for whom remembering his duty to the ancients is one and the same act as remembering his name, emet-selch declares his own to be mere pretense. and that's before we even reach the matter of his transformation.

emet-selch believes the only way he can save the ancients is to betray their principles, forget their greatest triumphs, and abandon their trappings. he renounces almost everything of the ancients, save for his pale and sad and faceless amaurot, in the hopes of bringing them back.

i am reminded a little of borges's three versions of judas, a short story which uses the lens of fictional literary criticism (appropriate for a story as interested in competing narrative interpretations as shadowbringers is) to recast the betrayal of christ by judas not as the greatest of sins but as the greatest of sacrifices.

The ascetic, for the greater glory of God, vilifies and mortifies his flesh; Judas did the same with his spirit. He renounced honor, morality, peace and the kingdom of heaven, just as others, less heroically, renounce pleasure. With terrible lucidity he premeditated his sins.

and, in turn, the sardonic footnote to that very same line, which unsettles that sentiment as soon as it has been presented:

Borelius inquires mockingly: “Why didn’t he renounce his renunciation? Or renounce the idea of renouncing his renunciation?”

[trashytracktales]

Idk if you write about this topics since they are really sensitive, but it is something I’m currently struggling with and I would like to see how lando would react after finding out that the reader has been hiding a her struggle with mental illness and attempts of ending her life. Once again I know how sensitive this request is but I started reading your work and fell in love with it and thought that you would write this beautifully

Seasons change | LN⁴

💌 REQUESTED by anon ──── This was a pretty difficult one-shot to write, even though it's not very lengthy. I know that mental health is still a topic of actuality that we all deal with in one way or another. The only thing that I want you guys to remember after reading this, is that you are not alone. I know that it may sound like a broken record, but it's true. Each of us has a Lando in our lives who will care enough to stand by you without ulterior motives or conditions. And if you really feel like you don't, I can be him for you. My DMs and ask box are always open, so don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone. You matter in all your forms 🤍

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

☆ summary ──── He's been away for work for a while now, but when Lando comes home to find his girlfriend at her lowest, they have to learn the hard way that love is about sitting with each other in the dark, not just chasing the light.

☆ pairing ──── Lando Norris x she/her reader

☆ rating ──── mature

☆ category ──── F/M

☆ word count ──── 2.6k

☆ date ──── Jan. 11, 2025

☆ warnings ──── 16+, established relationship, soft!Lando, mental health struggles, depression, suicidal ideation, mention of alcohol consumption and pills, emotional distress, vulnerability, guilt and healing, non-sexual nudity (bathtub scene, including tenderness and intimacy).

Please, proceed with caution and prioritize your well-being. If you or someone you know is struggling, these are some of the resources I personally used for years now & I think (and hope) that it might help you at some point:

☆ MENTAL HEALTH APPS

Calm

7 cups

BetterMe

☆ INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS

idontmind

thefabstory (also an app)

getreformative (currently inactive, but great resources posted there)

talkspace

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﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

THE APARTMENT IS too quiet tonight. A space that once felt like a sanctuary, now seems to close in on her, the walls pressing closer with each passing hour.

To anyone looking in, her life might appear perfectly ordinary, even enviable. She has a stable job that she loves, a couple of friends who care in their own way, and Lando. Lando, with his boundless energy, his boyish grin, and his unwavering ability to see the good in her even when she struggles to find it in herself. But beneath that polished surface, there’s a darkness she’s been hiding for as long as she can remember.

She’s not really sure when it happened, or what caused her to lose her spark. Most of the times, she thinks that she’s always been like this, but that can’t be right. Although, at this point in time, it went on long enough that she learned to wear masks and mimic people’s gestures. It’s exhausting, but it’s easier than explaining why some days she can barely drag herself out of bed, or why her mind feels like a storm she can’t escape.

Lately, the same storm has been relentless. Lando’s been away for weeks, hopping from one race to another, his life a whirlwind of fast cars, tons of people, and flashing cameras. She’s proud of him, of course, but his absence leaves a void she can’t seem to fill on her own, no matter how many phone calls they share.

She knows it’s not his responsibility to fix her, but without even knowing it, Lando does it every time he looks at her. In those moments, pieces of her heart are welded back together, giving her hope that one day, maybe, it will be whole again.

Of course, things aren’t that easy.

She’s always been a loner, someone who enjoys her own company more than the chaos of others. This is why she doesn’t go with Lando to all of his races. Over time, they’ve developed their own rhythm, and it only works when they both put in the effort to be together. However, she knows that he often works for both of them. She also knows that it’s not right to let him do this, but she doesn’t know how to stop.

But being alone isn’t the same as being lonely, and lately, the loneliness feels like it’s swallowing her whole. She tries to keep busy, to distract herself with work or a new book, but the dark thoughts always find her; a cycle she can’t break. They usually creep in at night when she’s most vulnerable, whispering lies she can’t ignore.

You’re a burden.

He’d be better off without you.

Everyone would be better off without you.

In spite of everything, she knows she’s lucky, though. She has a roof over her head, food on the table, and someone who loves her. And, somehow, knowing that only makes her feel worse. Most of the times, the guilt is suffocating — a heavy weight that presses down on her chest until she can’t breathe. She’s tried to push the thoughts away, to drown them in work or meaningless distractions. She tried to be grateful. But tonight, like many other nights before, they’ve won.

When Lando steps into the apartment, the soft click of the door is echoing in the stillness. It’s late — later than he’d hoped — and he assumes she’s already asleep, because he texted her hours ago to let her know he was on his way, but there had been no reply.

Dropping his bag quietly by the door, he toes off his sneakers and glances toward the dimly lit living room. The faint glow of the city skyline filters through the curtains, casting muted shadows across the floor. He moves carefully, not wanting to wake her, with a simple plan in mind: slip into bed, wrap his arms around his girlfriend, and fall asleep to the steady rhythm of her breathing.

But something feels off.

On his way to the bedroom, he spots the balcony door slightly ajar. A cool breeze sneaks through the crack, carrying with it the faint scent of something acrid. He pauses, his brow furrowing as he approaches the glass door.

That’s when he sees her.

She’s out on the balcony, her back to him, legs dangling dangerously over the edge. For a moment, he’s frozen in place, his mind struggling to process what he’s seeing. Then his gaze shifts, taking in the scene: some things are knocked over on the small table by the door, a small flacon of pills alongside a half-empty bottle of wine, and all the mess. The realization hits him like a physical blow, and his heart starts pounding in his chest.

But then, panic grips him as he slides the door open, stepping out onto the balcony. The sound startles her, and she turns her head slightly, her expression distant and unfocused. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and there’s an eerie calmness about her that chills him to the core.

“Hey, is everything okay?” asks Lando, his voice soft as he crouches beside her, careful not to make any sudden movements. “What… baby, what are you doing out here?”

She doesn’t answer immediately, her gaze drifting back to the city below. The silence stretches, each second feeling heavier than the previous one.

“Talk to me,” he pleads, his voice slightly cracking. His eyes dart back to the table, to the pill bottle and the wine, and he feels a surge of anger mixed with fear. “Is this—fuck. Did you take these?”

She shakes her head, a small smile curving in the corner of her mouth. “I’m so tired, love,” she whispers finally, her voice shaking over the hum of the city.

Her words hit him like a punch in the gut, and he’s suddenly aware of how fragile she looks, and how close she is to the edge. His hands shake as he reaches for her, gently gripping her arm. His heart beats so hard that he feels it throughout his body — his ribcage, in his throat, in the hand he tightens around her, to make sure he’s holding her with enough force.

“Okay. That’s okay,” he says, his tone soft but urgent. “Let’s go inside, yeah? I’m tired too, we can rest together. What do you say?”

“No… no, it’s not—” she tries to speak, but her brain is clouded by a mental fog, and everything around her moves too quickly for her to catch up.

“Come on, can you step back? Please. For me?”

His last question is what jolts her back to reality. For him? She would do anything for him. Lando knows that, and she soon realizes that he is using it to emotionally blackmail her. He always does that, and it annoys her.

She raises her head to look at him, her tired eyes meeting his, and for a moment, Lando thinks she’ll comply. But then, she pushes his hand away, a trace of betrayal crossing his face.

“No. It’s pretty out here,” she says, gazing down at the world that simply exists under her feet. The distance makes her stomach clench, knowing that all it takes it’s a small misstep for everything to end. Still, she doesn’t move an inch.

“I see that, love,” he agrees, “But I want to talk to you, and I can’t do that unless I make sure you’re safe. Did you… do this before?”

She nods slowly, refusing to look at him.

At that, Lando exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair, trying to calm the storm in his chest. He knows her enough to know when to push and when to give her space, only this time around, he’s met with a weird combination of both. Luckily, his body decides what to do before his mind agrees to it and, cautiously, he climbs up to join her on the edge, his hands gripping the cold railing as his pulse pounds in his ears.

Her head snaps toward him, her expression instantly shifting, panic flashing in her eyes. “No, what are you doing?” she whispers, her voice cracking.

“I’m with you,” he murmurs, his voice tender, laced with fear he’s desperately trying to hide. “If you’re staying here, then so am I.”

She blinks, her lips parting as if to protest, but no words come. Instead, her gaze softens, the wine-induced haze in her eyes clearing. Slowly, she lets out a shaky breath and sits down on the narrow ledge, her hands gripping the edge. Lando follows her lead, sitting close but careful not to crowd her, his knee brushing hers. He hesitates for a moment before gently reaching for her hand, and he exhales relieved when her fingers close around his, grounding both of them.

They sit in silence for a moment, the distant city lights flickering around them.

“I’ve missed you a lot, you know?” he finally whispers, his voice barely audible, breaking the quiet. “I never… If something happens, I don’t want to have to miss you all the time—”

“Lando, I know,” she cuts him off. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she continues, staring at their joined hands. Her voice is small, guilt creeping into her tone.

He nods, looking at her, “Whatever it is, you can tell me,” Lando says gently. “I know I’m away a lot, but if you need me, I’ll do anything.”

Her grip on his hand tightens slightly just as she turns to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she repeats, tears pooling but not yet falling. “It’s not your fault, Lan. It’s me. I… don’t even know. There’s nothing wrong, but at the same time, nothing’s quite right, either.”

He shakes his head, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Don’t apologize for feeling. It just makes me think now, because I thought you trusted me,” says Lando, his words cutting through her like a knife through butter. “I trust you,” he adds, almost like pointing it out.

She knows he does, her mind instantly replaying the moments in her mind, the times he’d come to her with his struggles. When a race didn’t go his way, and he doubted everything he’d worked so hard for. When social media was brutal, tearing him apart with words that left invisible scars. When he felt hated and couldn’t understand why. He always talked to her, shared his pain, his fears, his insecurities. He let her in, trusted her completely. And now, here she was, shutting him out when he was only trying to do the same for her.

“Don’t say that…” she starts, but her voice catches, and her breath hitches. “I’m trying.”

“I know, baby. I know,” Lando says gently, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Can we, please, just go inside?”

The tears she’s been holding back for too long finally slip free, carving hot, silent paths down her cheeks. She looks up at him, her lips trembling as she whispers, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

His expression softens, and without hesitation, he lifts her hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to her knuckles, mostly to show her that she didn’t. The gesture is so simple yet so full of love that it sends a fresh wave of emotion crashing over her.

Lando doesn’t let go of her hand as he gently helps her to her feet, guiding her back inside the apartment. The night air clings to their skin, but it’s the quiet inside that feels even heavier. He doesn’t say much, just keeps her close, his touch steady and grounding as they make their way to the bathroom.

A little uncomfortable now, she leans against the doorframe, watching as Lando moves around, carefully. He runs the water, testing the temperature with his hand, adding just the right amount of bath salts from the container on the shelf. The pale lavender-scented steam begins to fill the space, creating a safe bubble for both of them.

When Lando finally looks back at her, his expression is warm and inviting, somehow hopeful. He steps closer, reaching out to gently cup her cheek, wiping away the tear stains that remain.

“You’re everything to me,” he says softly, his thumb brushing over her skin before his hands move to the hem of her hoodie.

She doesn’t protest as he carefully lifts it over her head, his touch tender, his eyes never leaving hers. For a moment, she stands there, feeling vulnerable under his gaze, but there’s nothing but love in his expression.

Her fingers tremble slightly as she reaches out to return the gesture, undoing the buttons on his shirt one by one. His eyes stay locked on hers, silently reassuring her, grounding her in the best way possible. By the time she pushes the fabric off his shoulders, the weight in her chest feels a little lighter.

They step into the bath together, the warm water enveloping them like a soothing embrace. She settles between his legs, her back against his chest, and his arms come around her instinctively. There’s no rush, no need for words. It’s just them, surrounded by the quiet hum of the water and the soft glow of the candles Lando had lit earlier.

He presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head, his lips lingering for a moment before he rests his chin on her shoulder. “Promise you’ll talk to me next time?” he asks, his voice small but steady. “I know things won’t change overnight, I don’t expect them to. But I need to know you understand that I’m here for you. That I love you enough to listen, and feel everything with you.”

The words settle in her chest, heavy but necessary, like the first raindrops of a storm. For the first time in what feels like forever, she sees beyond the swirling chaos in her mind. The weight of his love and understanding wraps around her like the warmth of the water they’re sitting in. And then it hits her.

How life itself is the changing of seasons, a constant push and pull — a constant chaos. Sometimes, the sun will break through, lighting everything in gold. Other times, it will rain so hard she won’t see the way ahead. But Lando’s right. It will get better again. Then worse. And then better again. That’s the way it is for everyone. A relentless tide of ups and downs, joy and pain, hope and disappointments.

As she leans back into his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart, she realizes the most important thing: it isn’t always black or white. Sometimes, it’s a hazy gray — a space where the lines blur, where the answers aren’t clear, and the path you find yourself on feels impossibly difficult to navigate. But it’s in that in-between, in the murky middle, that having the right person beside you matters the most. Not to pull you into the light or demand you leave the shadows, but to sit with you in the dark, holding your hand, letting you know you’re not alone.

She swallows hard, her throat tight, but not from sadness this time. “I promise,” she finds the strength to whisper. Her breath catches, and she turns her head slightly to meet his gaze, tears still pooling in her eyes. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I—”

“You deserve everything, my love,” Lando assures her, his lips brushing her temple, before placing a tiny kiss there. “And I’ll make sure you get it.”

His definitive tone sends shivers down her spine.

She closes her eyes, feeling the water ripple softly around them, and holds on tighter, knowing that no matter what storms may come, the most important thing is that they won’t lose each other’s touch.

And that’s everything to her.

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© trashy track tales, 2025

[silverynight]

Step by step

Before going to the teachers' break room, Izuku stays in his office for a while, looking for his bento box and then realizing he forgot to make himself lunch.

He sighs, heading to the entrance, when he hears a tap on the window and gets startled the moment he sees Katsuki in his hero uniform, already looking very tired.

He quickly opens the window and moves aside so the pro hero can jump inside.

"What are you doing here, Kacchan? I thought you had patrol today?"

"I do, but it's my lunch break," he grumbles before handing Izuku one of the bento boxes he's carrying. "Take this. I made an extra one for you."

"Thank you, Kacchan!"

"It's not a big deal, nerd!" He protests, but he blushes when Izuku gives him a hug.

"Kacchan," the teacher immediately worries as soon as he actually looks at his friend. "You're hurt!"

"These are just scratches. Don't wo–"

"Sit on my desk so I can patch you up," Izuku cuts him off. He's not willing to take a 'No' for an answer this time, and Katsuki is probably aware of it because he does as he's told.

It's true, those are just simple scratches, but Izuku can't stop worrying about Katsuki.

"There you go!"

"Great. Now, can we fucking eat?"

"Yeah, sure!"

They eat in silence, although the young teacher notices that Katsuki keeps glancing at him every now and then.

"This is delicious, Kacchan," Izuku beams, leaning closer to the pro hero. "Can't believe you're a great cook as well."

"I'm the best at everything, nerd. You know that already," he smirks, moving closer to the teacher, until their shoulders touch. Then, sounding a bit more shy, he adds: "I'm glad you liked it, Izuku."

There's a knock at the door that annoys Katsuki immediately, but Izuku can't ignore.

"Come in!"

Aizawa rolls his eyes as soon as he sees the pro hero.

"I didn't know you were scheduled for today. Will you talk to Midoriya's students about hero work?"

"You know I'm not in the schedule," Katsuki retorts, not moving an inch away from Izuku.

"Fine!" Aizawa sighs before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just don't get handsy. You're inside a school."

The pro hero blushes to the tip of his ears, although he does glare at his former teacher the whole time.

"Why would we get handsy?" Izuku tilts his head, confused.

"Oh. I see." Aizawa says then and looks at Katsuki with something close to pity. "Good luck with that."

"What did he mean by that?"

"Nothing. Just keep eating your lunch, nerd."

When it's time for Katsuki to leave, Izuku pulls him into a hug.

"Be careful, Kacchan."

"I always am, Izuku," the pro hero assures him before pressing his chin on top of his green curls. "I won't be here to pick you up, I have to work until the morning."

"It's okay, Kacchan. You don't have to worry about me."

Katsuki doesn't reply anything to that, but he nuzzles against the teacher's curls before letting him go and jumping through the window.

Izuku watches him go with a smile on his face.

***

At three in the morning, someone opens Izuku's apartment; they try not to make too much noise, but he's not scared, this has happened before and he knows exactly who it is.

He knows because Izuku gave the key to Katsuki himself; the very first time it happened though, the pro hero tried to get in through his window, he managed to get inside, but almost got knocked out by the teacher who mistook him for a burglar at first. Katsuki didn't get mad then, he was quite impressed actually and even admitted it was his fault for not telling Izuku he wanted to crash at his place.

After the third time, Izuku gave him a copy of his apartment's key and now Katsuki is there three or even four times a week. He claims it's more convenient for him, but the teacher is not so sure about that. Katsuki keeps some of his clothes there too, and has his own room now.

Izuku is seriously considering asking him to move in with him. Although he gets flustered just to think about it; he knows he shouldn't be so nervous though, they're friends, they can be roommates too.

Despite Katsuki being always careful, Izuku usually wakes up, although he goes back to sleep as soon as he recognizes the footsteps.

His eyes close again when he hears the shower and Izuku starts falling back asleep until Katsuki walks into his room and lies on the bed right next to him.

Feeling the pro hero's arm around his waist is very effective to wake him up completely.

"Kacchan?"

"Didn't mean to wake you up, nerd."

"That's not it," Izuku sighs, glad it's dark and he has his back on Katsuki so the pro hero doesn't notice the blush on his cheeks. "You have your own bed!"

"Yours is more comfortable." The blond hero mumbles, in a tone Izuku knows very well; he doesn't plan to move anytime soon and he doesn't want to talk about it again.

Izuku takes a deep breath and decides to sleep a little bit longer; he doesn't mind having Katsuki sleeping next to him, the problem is that he probably likes it more than he should.

And the pro hero doesn't help by nuzzling against his curls every five seconds or tightening his grip around him.

Izuku wakes up first, but it takes him a very long time to pry Katsuki's arms off him; it was a very difficult task considering he had to do it without making too much noise.

He makes pancakes because it's easy and Katsuki can heat them up and add anything he wants to later.

Despite his best efforts, Katsuki wakes up; they have a quiet breakfast together before Izuku rushes towards the bathroom to get ready for school.

"I'll drive you."

"You should go back to sleep."

"I'll do it after I take you to the UA," Katsuki insists and Izuku knows that nothing he says will make him change his mind.

On the way to the UA, Izuku decides to talk to the pro hero about what he's been considering for a while now.

"If it's truly more convenient for you, you can move in with me, Kacchan."

He's glad there's a red light because the blond turns his head to look at him in that moment.

"Are you serious?"

Even if Izuku wasn't before, he is now after looking at the hopeful glimmer in Katsuki's red eyes.

"Yes."

"No take backs?"

"No take backs, I promise," Izuku says, smiling at his friend.

"I'll get all my stuff today."

"Kacchan, you should sleep first."

"Don't worry about it, nerd. I'll buy coffee on my way to my apartment."

Izuku doesn't argue with him because he's sure there's no point. Honestly, he's not sure why Katsuki is so excited about it, he's been to his place a couple of times, and Izuku knows for a fact that it's way better than Izuku's.

"I'll pick you up, Izuku."

"Kacchan, I can perfectly-"

"Shut up, nerd. I'll see you in a few hours."

***

They get used to living with each other quite well actually, although it's not that surprising considering they basically did that already.

Katsuki does most of the cooking while Izuku cleans and patches the pro hero up every now and then.

His friend wanted to pay the whole rent himself, but after a long discussion with Izuku, agreed to just give him half of it.

They surprisingly make it work quite well; Katsuki finally goes to his own room at night, although Izuku wakes up in the mornings with a very exhausted pro hero wrapped around him every now and then.

Even though Katsuki has not mentioned this change to anyone, his fans have noticed that he's more patient now during interviews, he agrees to give his autographs more often and is not that grumpy around civilians anymore.

Izuku's students have noticed something's different too, especially because they have caught pro hero Dynamight in the school more often, even though he's not in the schedule for that day.

They try not to seem too curious about the situation because they know their teacher won't tell them anything directly, but they have started to ask weird questions.

They've been trying to figure out if Izuku is in a relationship with someone by asking if he's coming alone to the Halloween party or if he plans to bring someone on Christmas. He has noticed they look at Izuku's bento boxes in an odd way, and one of them tries to find out if he makes his lunch himself. Of course, Katsuki makes them, but when Izuku finally says that a friend gives them to him, they start acting even more weird.

Until one day, Izuku finally tells them that he's single, and even after that, they look like they don't believe him.

And that's when he finds the pictures online; there are many of them with Katsuki with an arm around his shoulders or waist, going out or inside many places; they both have gotten into the habit of going to a cafe or a nice restaurant at least once a week, mostly to celebrate their accomplishments.

The comments under every single one of those posts are mostly the same: everyone believes they're dating and that Dynamight is head over heels for the UA teacher. They even call him a simp. Izuku doesn't quite get that word but has an idea of what it means based on how his students often use it.

That day, when Katsuki comes pick him up, he's happier than usual, he even lifts him in his arms and nuzzles against his cheek before putting him back on his feet.

All of that in front of the UA's entrance. The rumors about them dating start making a lot more sense.

"They gave me a bonus, nerd! Let's celebrate! Where do you want to go?"

Still blushing to the tip of his ears, Izuku manages to convince Katsuki to get in the car.

"Kacchan, we should be more careful. Have you seen Instagram or X lately? People think we're dating!"

"I know." Katsuki says, with a weird neutral expression on his face, his friend has never been neutral about anything in his life.

"Aren't you upset?"

"Not really. You know I don't care what other people think," he says, almost fiercely. Then, after a couple of seconds, as his hands suddenly grab the steering wheel with a bit too much force, he adds: "What about you? Does it bother you?"

It does, but mostly because it's not real and part of Izuku would like it to be, but he can't say that to Katsuki. It'd probably ruin their friendship.

"No. It's just... well, they call you my simp."

"Well, it's true."

"Kacchan! This is not funny!"

"Who said it was?" The pro hero hisses, looking finally annoyed by the situation. Then, he glances at Izuku for a moment, and his annoyance vanishes to be replaced by something close to despair. "How have you not noticed, Izuku? It's not like I've been trying to hide it!"

"What do you mean?" The teacher stammers, face growing hot with each second.

"I mean, there are quite a few pictures of me staring at your ass or thighs; that suit does look amazing on you, by the way. Or this one of me staring at your face when you're not looking. I agree with all of them, I do seem like a besotted idiot."

"Kacchan!" Izuku tries to make him stop, heart beating inside his chest faster. "D-Don't joke about something like that! I'm serious!"

"So am I!" The pro hero narrows his eyes for a second before leaning closer and cradling Izuku's face in his hands. "How can you not see that I'm hopelessly in love with you?"

Izuku starts tearing up, he considers asking Katsuki if he's sure, but then he sees it in his red eyes; it's written all over his face, and it makes him even more beautiful.

"I love you too, Kacchan."

Hope comes back to those eyes Izuku likes so much, and they shine in a way that make him smile in response.

"Let's get married, nerd."

Izuku chuckles at that, although he does turn quite red again. His heart begs him to say yes, but there's part of him that wants the two of them to wait a bit.

"Let's date for a while first."

"Fine! Have it your way!" Katsuki rolls his eyes before kissing Izuku.

They're still outside the UA, so even though Izuku is enjoying the experience quite a lot, he tells his pro hero boyfriend to go somewhere else.

"Let's have our first date."

"Later, I promise," Katsuki says in a low whisper before giving Izuku a desperate kiss on the neck. "We should go back home first."

They do not go out that day; they spend the evening and night in Izuku's bedroom, but they do make a very rushed dinner.

Izuku doesn't mind; they have the rest of their lives to do all the things they want together.

***

Patreon

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I didn't want to say that here since you love Leona now but I actually hate that lion guy😭😭 I feel like he would bully me for just existing!

Like this part in book 3 when he made us fight his dorm members so we could stay in the dorm makes me look at him like this 😒 like sir I'm magicless and homeless and physically weak and you want me to fight your muscled dorm members + they have magic!😭😭 Why?! At this rate I would have slept in one of the class rooms instead 😞I mean it was Grim do the fighting but still! But that's not the only reason I have other reasons why I hate him 😭 (I'm scared of him lol)

I have beef with that lion guy😞

I don't see myself loving him any soon but who knows maybe one day I would feel in love with him like you 🫢

Lemme tell you this right here and right now: I have learned from observation that there are no bigger L*ona haters out there than L*ona stans themselves 💀 We They will say, "Leona Kingscholar is literally the fucking worst character not just in Twisted Wonderland, but in all media that has ever and will ever be conceived. Hate that guy, what a shitty scumbag," one moment and then turn right around and kiss our their lion merch with all the tender love and care a human could possibly lavish an object with.

ANYWAY, that's beside the point. I don't like this character of which you speak of.

Early main story Leona is definitely the type to bully the crud out of others 💀 To be fair to him though, honestly any dorm (other than Heartslabyul) would have been reluctant to house a pair that they have little to no personal connection with. The students at NRC are known for their pride and reluctance to help each other out, right? Night Raven College also has a culture of "the strong obey the weak", so to have Yuu and Grim "earn their keep" by demonstrating their strength makes sense. The other dorms would have probably demanded similar things of them, regardless of how downtrodden and dreary their circumstances are. It's not like Azul or the mob students showed Yuu and Grim any mercy before. Most of the student population is not nice or welcoming, especially if there's nothing in it for them to gain. In this case, Leona would be gaining two temporary students that aren't deadweights to him. Of course, that doesn't justify what he did/said in book 3 or any of the other things he did/said. It doesn't mean you have to like the guy for what he did. It's just that I don't know if that one scene is a specific-to-Leona asshole move. I do want to point to the Episode of Octavinelle manga too; in that, Leona doesn't make Yuuta fight mobs to sleep over, he accepts Yuuta's cooking abilities as a substitute. This loops right back around to what I was saying about "earning your keep" and how most NRC students won't want to help you out unless you have something to offer them in return. For Yuuta, that was his culinary skills. For in-game Yuu and Grim, it had to be combat prowess. Is it cruel in comparison to letting them sleep over in return for nothing? Yes, absolutely. But is it in character for them to be selfish about it? Also yes, absolutely. I think it's fine to have as a characterization moment--though whether you enjoy this or not is up to the individual fan.

I get that he's not going to appeal to everyone. Leona definitely comes off as intimidating and he has plenty of other traits to loathe. Every character will have people that dislike them or even outright hate them. That's completely normal and should be expected, since everyone has different experiences, tastes, and perspectives to bring to the table--each equally as valid as the last. Feelings can change over time, feelings can stay the same. Whatever happens, it's fine! No one decent is going to hold a (water) gun to your head and force you to like L*ona. Enjoy fandom in your own way!

That being said 💦💦 I will advise that you avoid sending messages of, "I actually HATE this character that you happen to like" into people's inboxes. It's okay to have a different opinion than the fan you're expressing the opinion to, but you should keep in mind that it's not always appropriate to voice it or to press the matter. I might be generally indifferent about discussing why we like or dislike certain characters, but others might not be so happy to get a message that could be considered bashing on their favorite(s). Again, just be mindful of others and their boundaries!

[nerdyydragon]

Also notable: I rarely see anyone say this about, like, romance movies (at least in earnest; there are soooo many other discourses about romance as a genre, but this isn't one I've seen).

Nobody says "noooo, don't go into the quaint little small-town café, Miss New York Businesswoman Protagonist! No, you're so goddamned dumb for talking to the guy who literally collided with you walking in the door!! You're so effing stupid for allowing him to pick up the papers you dropped!

Nobody says "Character is ridiculous for not trying to avoid freezing to death by huddling for warmth in the cabin!"

Nobody says "but they should know better!" about romance plots, unless it's some "love thine enemy" thing where logically the character should know better than to fall in love with the tragic, handsome villain who just tried to have them killed/kidnapped/dethroned/etc., but even then. The characters in a romance plot don't somehow miraculously know they're in a romance, they just know that they've encountered a [charming stranger] [mysterious rival] [new understanding of their childhood bestie] [any and all trope pairings that apply] and that, as they go about their day, Shit Happens. Compared to other genres it might be comparably low-stakes because nobody's in danger of getting stabbed (maybe, who knows, it could happen), but they don't posses foreknowledge of the events because they're not aware that this sequence of events is something like "A Duke for the Holidays" instead of "just another goddamned Tuesday".

We know.

We're supposed to know.

While part of me rails against an easy reliance on trope marketing, primarily when it supersedes any and all notions of telling me what the gods-damned book is about, as an audience we are, consciously or otherwise, aware of tropes and trends and patterns. We know, as the audience, that in a small-town romance film Miss New York Businesswoman Protagonist is going to break up with her boyfriend who never has time for her and shack up with the hunky father of two who works as a conservationist for a near-extinct, totally-not-made-up species of butterfly that only reproduces every six years under the light of a falling star, or something*. That's how the plot works.

Half the fun is figuring out how it happens.

Half the scare is figuring out how it happens, because horror, like romance, has a pretty defined end (though it isn't always death, but that's pretty clear from the beginning when that's the case).

I'm a spec-fic author. I'm working on a gothic sci-horror novel that, in its alpha stages, has scared the bejesus out of my reader to the point where she thinks the monster is going to appear in her house. She keeps feeling like she's being watched. We're 2/3 of the way through and she's paranoid to the point where she can't actually read the thing for long stretches of time even if she desperately wants to. I also write fantasy, and there are tropes and expectations that I rely on there, as well. But gods, I'm so tired of people (beyond the half-terror under a blanket "no, don't go in there!!!" response, without acknowledging that it must happen) not applying the same logic to horror protagonists as they do to those of other genres. They're not dumb.

Horror isn't dumb.

It's profoundly, utterly human in its terror.

And to the main point of the post: nothing Jonathan Sims (Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London) could have done would have averted the ending to his story. He's a brilliant mind cracking under strain, attempting to wrangle forces well beyond human comprehension that prey on his being a brilliant mind attempting to wrangle them. The Entities, on occasion, give him what he wants. He learns. He grows.

Until he becomes a monster himself.

There are so many versions of the story, littered with alternate choices and voltas and changes in patterns. "No" instead of "yes" that eventually becomes "yes", anyway, because it has to.

A big-city businesswoman, visiting her aging father for Christmas, walks into a coffee shop and runs headlong into her widowed highschool sweetheart after years away.

A gallant knight, stripped of his armour, raises a sword to protect the princess and slay the dragon.

A PI cracks a cold-case that's been haunting the local police for years after they stumble on new evidence, almost by accident.

Almost by a miracle.

A brave starship captain lays down their life to save an entire planet, millions of lives, because it is right, and at the last second is retrieved by advanced technology created by a society that cares.

Jonathan Sims does the best he can with the information he has, and he almost makes it out in the end.

Until he doesn't.

There is no other version of the story.

----

*I was being mostly facetious in this claim but a part of me actually really wants a low-stakes cozy romantasy in this setting. I can't write that type of stake to save my life (even my fanfiction has to have something life-threatening, so no butterflies for me) so if that prompt strikes your fancy, feel free to steal it and modify however needed. Just... let me know if you ever finish it.

JONATHAN ARCHIVIST IS NOT STUPID SQUAD I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU

[merrycrisis-if]

I didn't realize up until 3 days ago that you had updated Merry Crisis. I played the demo very late at night and I felt such a strong feeling of melancholy and longing when reading the scenes between MC and their family members. The messy drama with the aunts and the uncles... The endless boredom shared between all older cousins... The bittersweet memories when remembering departed grandparents... The sibling rivalry when playing any type of games... "Don't forget the taste of your mother's soup". God. I might have shed a tear or two. More than the romances (who are actually great, don't get me wrong), I fell in love with the way you write about the MC's family and culture. There are many things about them I could never truly understand ; I'm not Singaporean, nor Chinese, or even American, and I never lived in either of the places the MC spent most of their life. Culturally speaking, we have nothing in common. But there were so many moments where I saw parts of myself reflected in that young adult struggling with conflicting aspects of their identity, especially when it comes to feeling torn between different places, feeling like a stranger no matter where you are, and being queer while fearing coming out to your parents. What struck me the hardest was when the MC thought their grandmother would have gotten along with Nat, even though they don't know how she would have reacted to their partner being the same gender as them... So, thank you for that. Anyways, this isn't really why I'm sending you this ask. There were heavy rain falls where I live yesterday night, and a part of my basement got flooded. I had to throw a lot of things away, including many childhood drawings and family pictures. Some of my dad's old stuff got pretty soaked as well, but his vintage ViewMaster 3D collection miraculously didn't suffer too much damage. I was drying them up as best as I could, before coming to a stop. There were a few slides of Singapore lost among the countless others of European and American cities, dating back from 1957. It reminded me of you, probably because your story was still so fresh on my mind, and I thought I'd share a few of my favorites with you. I'm sorry for the horrible quality, though. They are pretty old and my phone doesn't take very good pictures.

Thank you for your stories. Happy holidays to you and your loved ones, I wish you all the best.

This message struck me really deeply, so thank you so much for sharing this with me. It makes me so incredibly moved when merry crisis reaches across time and space and ends up resonating with someone from a completely different culture/place -- makes me think about just how many experiences are shared in the most unlikely ways.

I'm sorry to hear the flooding but wow it sounds like you uncovered a lot of real gems. Thank you so much for sharing them with me! The one in the top left made me think about my grandma who says back in the day, my old house used to overlook the sea (kinda like those shophouses in the picture) -- until Singapore reclaimed land and pushed the coast much further south. And the other one, in the bottom left of Haw Par Villa reminds me of the time I went to there with my family (this is a little creepy Chinese place with scary statues and an awesome exhibit of the "ten courts of hell") and there was one statue of what happens when you talk back to your older siblings and my younger brother and I had a good laugh over that (you get boiled alive in lava or something equally horrifying).

Anyway, your message was so special to me. Receiving things like this make me so motivated to write!!

Happy holidays to you too!! <3

[percabethsong]

I just read your warrior Penelope au post and I love how you explained why Penelope would go in his place because Odysseus is missing his leg, genius

Does it still take Penelope ten years to get back home after the Trojan war or is the timeframe shorter/longer? Is her journey back home similar to what happened in the Odyssey? And if so, does Odysseus get suitors at his door wanting his hand in marriage? How would he hold them off while he waits for his wife to get back home?

Sorry for the questions, late night thoughts go brrrrr

Unfortunately, the ten years journey home still happened, although some changes would be made. I think Circe's would be far more trusting of Penelope since she's a woman, although she would still have turned Penelope's crew into pigs, once Circe saw their captain was a woman and they respected her, she let them go easier and doesn't try to seduce her.

Calypso stays pretty much the same, though, it's Greek Mythology, pretty common to feel attraction to more than one gender.

I imagine Penelope, being Ares champion in this AU, may face things a little more upfront than Odysseus would, even though she's also smart and uses cunning sometimes.

The suitors is an interesting questions! I actually thought about this a lot. It depends how accurate things are with Greek Mythology/history. I often see in this AU Odysseus having suitors, which is a fun concept, but since I'm trying to make a version of this AU that would be more possible in universe (hence Penelope having to use her status as an Amazon to convince people she can fight as a woman, since they were some fem warriors in greek myths or general history, but it was difficult for them to gain people's respect), I would say not exactly. Odysseus already has a heir, and Greek Kings can rule without Queens. However, Odysseus is disabled in this concept, and Ancient Greece was a very ableist society. The exception often made were for war wounds, which Odysseus's wouldn't be considered. Odysseus is still very much capable to rule even if he can't fight, he has a sharp mind and Athena stays by his side helping him, which makes Odysseus a great king. However, it's a very hard thing to be respected as a disabled person in this time, even if it was a bit easier if you were nobility. Because he was the king and had a Amazon ruling by his side, people how doubted him kept their complaints to themselves in the beginning. But without Penelope people starting to question him more, especially after she doesn't return with the crew that left for war, making people more relentless. Then a group of men started to appear at the palaces, demanding Odysseus to choose one of them as an advisor and protector, since the queen had not return to fullfil this role. Odyssey not only very much does not need an advisor and protector, but is also aware of the men true intentions: once he chooses one, he'll be killed in a way that looks like an accident and the man he chose will claim the throne, since Telemachus is still too young to be king.

Regarding how Odysseus would hold them off... Hum, that's a interesting questions. I like to imagine he would invent a lot of little challenges for them, claiming he needs to test the skills of his future advisor, both physical and mental. He would come with a new game ever month. I can also picture him saying he would choose a advisor as soon as he finishes an marble sculpture of Penelope himself, without any help to honour his wife. Every night, though, he breaks a little peace of the stone, having to fix it and buying Penelope time. Or at least hold them down enough until Telemachus is ready to be king.

Don't apologise! I've actually never received these kind questions about a post and it made me really happy!

[kiyomitakada]

AU where Sayu is there when Light tests the Death Note. She comes into his room and asks what he’s doing and he shows her the notebook like “check out this hilarious prank I found” and they start laughing about it like “omg are you gonna write someone’s name in it” and then of course Light does write a name down and the person dies. And he and Sayu both saw it happen live on TV

oh god. i really like this actually. i feel like light would try to hide it at first because he's embarrassed he even brought it home in the first place but sayu would snatch it away from him and go "lmao i didn't know you were into this kind of thing onii-chan" and light would relax and think why was i so stressed in the first place? it's just sayu. and then they test it, sayu egging light on, and otoharada kuro dies.

i feel like sayu would immediately panic. soichiro says in the hospital that he thinks sayu is the kind of person who would try kira's weapon on someone in school as a joke and have a breakdown upon them actually dying, and while soichiro is literally never home sayu does canonically blame herself for the death note being lost to mello (sayu you were literally kidnapped it's not your fault), so i'm inclined to take him as accurate here (plus he says nothing about what he thinks light would do with kira's weapon… so). light would probably act as the voice of reason just to reassure his sister (and himself) that they haven't just committed a murder. obviously it was a coincidence, sayu! don't be ridiculous, that's impossible, etc. etc. since light is #1 expert at believing his own lies this means he does actually relax a bit more than in canon.

now. do they test the book again? sayu would immediately want to destroy it i feel like. (morally questionable sayu interpretations are my beloved forever but in canon she's just a really sweet if mischievous kid who has a guilt complex the size of the sun, i'm going to go with firmly anti-magic killing weapon sayu for now.) light obviously wants to test it again, and has superficially convinced himself it was probably a coincidence haha sayu's so silly, so he might even go for a riskier target. maybe he tries writing down the next criminal who comes on the news and sayu has to yank the pencil away from him. at this point light realizes sayu is really really upset and apologizes and stows the notebook away, forcing himself not to think about any longer. sayu leaves the room.

this lasts for like maybe 30 minutes before light is like …………okay but what if it did work—

he tries a car accident this time, again with someone on the news. (heart attacks are ruled out because sayu would know.) aaaand yep it does work! congrats light you're a murderer now!

at this point i think the most likely course of action is the one outlined in this post by corviiids (very similar AU: sayu gets the death note first) where light still becomes kira, the yagami siblings both see ryuk, sayu realizes light is a serial killer and has a meltdown, light makes sayu give up her memories (promising falsely that he'll also do it right after) and then keeps the death note for himself, and canon proceeds as usual.

…what if sayu didn't give up her memories though. what if she screamed for her mother instead.

[sirsparklepants]

I didn't necessarily like Vanessa breaking up with Wade in dp&w, because it did minimize her character and I love her and their relationship chemistry, but it made sense as a trajectory to me, because with the flashback, we see stress happening along an existing consistent faultline in their relationship.

In the first movie, the reason Wade is even in the program with Francis is because he unilaterally made a decision in their relationship to not allow Vanessa to support him through his cancer, even though she expressed that she wanted the exact opposite. She's clearly still searching for him and interested in resuming their relationship based on the way she immediately goes out to try and find him when she's lured out and kidnapped, despite the strong possibility he's already dead. She never gave up on him the way he did himself, and yet, Wade never comes back to her, because he's imposed his own idea of what she would think and want on her and used that to make another unilateral decision. Which she's clearly angry about in the finale, despite being willing to take him back! And completely understandably.

In the second movie, we obviously don't see a lot of their relationship, but we can tell that Wade doesn't let her in on any details of his work by the way he makes excuses to her about being late for their anniversary, which again, she's annoyed by. And when his work literally gets her killed, she isn't angry in the afterlife (if we take those scenes as given instead of happening in Wade's head exclusively, which I've always wondered about, but given how self loathing he can be, I would think that a Vanessa in his head would blame him). In fact, she even jokes about it in dp&w, or at least that was my read - it felt very like their trauma one-upping in the first film to me.

So what do we know about their breakup from dp&w? Well, we see the scene where Wade interviews with the Avengers and says "my girl is sick of my shit", and a conversation in flashback that's been manipulated by Cassandra. But before she has Vanessa tell Wade "you'll never matter", it seems to me like they're having a completely different conversation - one where Vanessa is asking him to open up to her and let her share his burdens, which is consistent with the rest of their relationship. And it seems like to me that that conversation takes place after his Avengers rejection, given that she says he got knocked down and can't get back up again (although this is debatable), and if so, implies that she stays with him beyond that and tries to help him out of the resulting depression. Since Wade has previously imposed his own ideas of what Vanessa would want and believe about him over what she's actually been saying, that seems consistent to their previous issues. And it's exhausting to try again and again to get someone to open up and share with you when you can clearly tell there's a problem and not be allowed in or allowed to help. I can't blame her for not being able to handle that after a while!

But even after their breakup, she still cares for him and wants him to be in her life, or else why would she be in his family picture and at his birthday party? She's still happy to be seated next to him and hold his hand, no matter what else the ending meant. The fact that their relationship has ended didn't change that. Maybe the fact that Wade found a purpose again (I don't think that it would necessarily be superheroing that she would want, but Wade's self-worth is tied up in 'proving' he's important, and saving the universe gave him a boost there) made her hopeful that they could rekindle their relationship with less of those problems, maybe she was just happy to hear that he still cared deeply for her - with how awkward their interaction was the first time around, I could see that - but she wasn't put off by it in the least. Their closeness is important to her, no matter what their relationship is, and I'm glad that whatever else, dp&w kept that.

And if I said that I think Vanessa treated Wade poorly in Deadpool and Wolverine, and that I think she was a complete dickhead for asking him to "prove" his live after everything he went through for her. What then?

And what if I said Logan treated him better theought the entire movie than Vanessa did in the last 2 films of the trilogy? And that they had more chemistry and soft moments? What then?

[okaysonny]

how would the crew heads confess to you? (lookism)

A/N: a follow up post to: how easy is it for the crew heads to crush on you? (lookism)

thanks for all the love on it :) takes place during the current story!

✦ you're blissfully ignorant + their feelings are not reciprocated... (until you're aware of them anyway lol) because i like the #disbelief 👅

1. ELI

eli decides to take a leap of faith. he's not sure what to expect, but he's witnessed warren and sally's situation. he doesn't want his own love life to be a repeat 🫠

now that he's more sure of himself, more sure that he's allowed to feel someone's affections, he wants to know if his aimless pining for you really is aimless.

i think he'd confess to you in hostel's living room 🫡 (where warren + sally kissed) a simple but special place for him. it's where eli spends time with his family, and he wants you to be a part of that too.

he gets a pep talk from warren and sally first ofc! since they ended up together after all that tension, they remind him of their own experiences. warren would defo say something like: take it from me, gangdong's mighty...and romantic.

the gist of their speech is that: it'll be awkward, but better than waiting three years to properly confess. just be honest - if you don't try, you'll never know.

─ and if you get rejected? i'll be here with popcorn.

─ hush warren! don't listen to him eli. you've got this! (sally flashes a thumbs up 👍🏽)

he also gets motivation from amy and natalie <3 (you can do it uncle!)

eli can only smile bashfully. in the end, they're genuinely here supporting him, no matter what happens.

when the time actually comes, they all leave to give him privacy •ᴗ• (but they'd be listening through the door the whole time 😭)

his confession...is very cute and sweet 🥲 he doesn't have jake's guilt or johan's awkwardness, so he actually looks happy to be admitting his feelings, listing off all the things he admires about you.

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eli's daughter is the most important thing in the world - she's changed him for the better. so, seeing yenna so happy with you has made his heart flutter. (didn't mean for that to rhyme lmfaooo)

his feelings for you go beyond romantic attraction. it's also how well you've fit into his life, how it feels like you're meant to be there. bringing someone into his family's world is a big deal for him - but it would make him so happy to have you in it.

not that he doesn't love being a dad - he clearly does! but eli's life has been centered around taking care of yenna, handling hostel's issues, working hard to make ends meet...he's never really thought about who he is outside of that.

with you, eli feels like he can explore life more freely. he feels appreciated - maybe even a little carefree in a way that’s new for him. with you, even though the pressures and responsibilities are still there, he feels lighter. he remembers he has dreams and aspirations like anyone else. for the first time in ages, he feels like he can be just eli.

he hasn't properly liked anyone since heather - and even that's slightly different. this time, he actually knows what he's feeling. and if there's even a slight chance you'd want to be with him, he would do everything he can to make you happy - just as much as you make him.

eli acknowledges that it's a lot to ask, having a child in the picture. still, should that always prevent him from pursuing a relationship? if he gets that privilege, he would only want you. you would give him (and yenna) so much joy.

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eli's words are filled with quiet hope, his cheeks pink as his confessions spill out.

even if you don’t feel the same way, having you in his life, even as a friend, means the world to him. he doesn't want to lose that.

if eli can't be with you, he can live with it, but he doesn't want to wonder if he missed the chance to tell you.

2. JAKE

this man is filled with such angst and anguish 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

BTW - i think by this point, you'll know his job + past actions. you were unnerved when he admitted it...but jake has faced the repercussions (partly). he still has interests and hobbies like everyone else, he's still good company. you can't bring yourself to fully judge him, because you've never been in that position.

jake wasn't going to say anything. it's less messy, less selfish, if he keeps his feelings to himself.

that doesn't stop you from occupying his head though. he can't help but wonder what you're doing. are you safe? are you happy? if not, could he make you happy? ...possibly?

still, he pushes these thoughts away.

it's only when members of big deal notice his spacing out and lapses in concentration that he thinks: okay...i should probably do something.

he'd rather hear your rejection than keep wondering if there's a chance...+ to not have you (unknowingly) interfere with his duties.

first things first though, he needs some advice.

he'd totallyyy go to sinu. i can picture it so clearly 😂 jake is a smooth talker, but he's never actually liked someone. he can't talk his way though this. (he can try, but he'd fail miserably)

sinu would be so chuffed that his (practically) little brother is coming to him for relationship advice. (i never thought i'd see the day...you're all grown up. and he wipes a tear 😭) given jake's lack of interest in dating, he's pleasantly surprised at his change of heart! you must have had a big impact on him.

jake asks if sinu felt guilty liking yeonhui, considering his role in big deal. he was perceived as a gang leader back then...did sinu ever feel like she deserves better than that?

sinu gets nostalgic and starts reminiscing about his relationship 😅 jake zones out halfway through, wondering why he even bothered to ask in the first place.

EVENTUALLY THOUGH, he reels it back in and gets #serious 🙂‍↕️ something like: how long will you let your role and past define you?

the gist of sinu's speech: sure, jake has done bad things. (...worst than most people) but he shouldn't let that hold him back. jake can still try be something better, he's not some heartless monster. there's no harm in being honest, he'll never know what could happen.

jake is gobsmacked... a man of passion indeed.

i think he'd confess to you at the sea side! (where samuel found out who jake's dad was) he'd rather watch the waves than your confused face.

he tells big deal to stay away from that area, because he has important business there. (jake knows they'd be spying from a distance if he didn't 😭)

i think he'd practice in the mirror beforehand...but it does nothing to settle his nerves (-.-)

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jake likes you. he knows it's unexpected and out of the blue, but he has to tell you.

you don't realise how amazing you are, how smart, how caring. it's the little things...helping jerry with his homework (god knows no one else can) or paying for your meals even though it's not necessary - he'll always let you eat for free. + plus the food is lowkey shit anyway <3

...or how well you get along with the girls. (they constantly tell him to ask you out 😪)

he knows he's not worthy. there's people who can easily give you their undivided attention. you deserve only the best...and he's the furthest thing from that. but he wishes he could be.

he doesn't want you to think he's the same person as before. you deserve someone way better than an ex-convict. jake wishes he could change the past - so badly. he regrets not trying harder for a better solution back then, just for the opportunity to take you on a date...to be with you.

jake wants to be the best version of himself. you make him think that being a better person could change some of his past...and eventually make him worthy of someone like you.

and if there's even a sliver of hope you feel the same way, that you'd give him the honour of being his first...everything, he'll do everything in his power to be a boyfriend you can be proud of.

he doesn't need you to say anything, jake would never pressure you for a yes or no. he just needed to say the truth, to be honest with you - and himself.

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jake kim, who's always so sarcastic and sure of himself, is suddenly so nervous and quiet before you. it's a side you've never seen of him.

there's a lot to consider. sometimes you'd never see jake, he'll be in danger a lot, and if he really had to - he'd be ruthless again to protect big deal. he knows that too.

even so, he's pouring his heart out, trying so hard for you...and you don't even think you're that great, to be honest.

you find your cheeks flushing at his words, and the earnest way in which he utters them.

3. JOHAN

johan...i found him hard to write. i don't like this little mouse.

if you like someone, you should probably tell them. johan would rather die. but eventually, not saying anything has gotten more painful than the prospect of confessing.

he hasn't liked anyone since mira and that feels like...a lifetime ago. so, he (very reluctantly) goes to zack for help.

zack would be sooo annoying about it, he'll never let him live it down. johan seong coming to him for dating advice...another indicator that their worlds are healing ❤️ he shuts up though when johan threatens to beat his ass.

i think zack would give the same bs advice he gave to vasco in the blind date arc 😭😭

─ alright...you really wanna know? let me give you a piece of advice i told a certain knuckle head. Be gentle...but fast. Be manly...but kind.

─ wait...have you got together with mira yet?

─ all in good time johan...all in good time. (zack taps his noggin 🧏🏻)

so that was useless.

there is another person he can go to though...mother knows best, as they say 🫡 johan would invite you to have dinner at his place, just a causal meal...obviously 😁

─ so you're johan's friend! it's great to finally meet you. help yourself! (he got his cutie patootie genes from his mom)

johan's mom gives him playful nudges when your back is turned 💘 he silently pleads with her to cut it out.

now that he has his mother's seal of approval, he feels ready to...confess or whatever.

i think johan would confess to you while sitting at the river with eden + miro. (the one where lua pushed him in 💔)

unlike eli and jake, johan's confession isn't planned. he decides to tell you when it feels right. and this place feels right.

he'd be avoiding eye contact the WHOLEEE time 😭 his face would be so red too...a cutie patootie to the max.

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johan starts by talking about the little things, like how his dogs are always happy when they see you. eden and miro get so jumpy and excited when you come over, as if they can sense how much he cares about you. it's something he can speak about easily - they're a big part of his life.

and his mom - johan's mom is so important to him. her approval means a lot…and she definitely approves (of you). she really likes you, especially after that dinner at his house. his mom is his rock in so many ways, the fact that she sees what he sees, means the world to him.

johan hid behind a stoic facade for so long. he's grateful to zack and mira for showing him that having feelings for someone…it can be a beautiful thing. with you, he feels more okay stepping out of that shell. maybe it's the way you always listen when he talks…or how you're there for him without making a big deal out of it…or how you celebrate the small things with him. (aka…barely passing english)

the professions are still foreign to him. it’s not just about liking you, it’s about the vulnerability that comes with it. he’s afraid of how this might change things between you two. but, johan knows hiding it would only make things worse. he can’t keep pretending like nothing’s there. it’s been weighing on him for so long.

still, he’s ready to face that fear of vulnerability, to show you all the sides to him. he’s letting you in — not just with his feelings for you, but with his whole self, all the things he’s kept locked away. for johan, that’s a huge deal.

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the man who united all of gangbuk, who went toe to toe with gun park...is suddenly so shy and awkward right now. truly a rare sight.

he's mumbling almost every sentence and you have to scoot closer to hear him, which definitely doesn't help things.

johan is thankful for eden and miro's barking for once, it fills the silence that passes.

it's not the smoothest confession, but that’s exactly what makes it sweet - he's showing you a bit of his heart by saying nothing and everything at the same time.

4. SAMUEL

he'd confess you're his fav BOOTY CALL maybe!

an actual confession of his: when samuel sees cheap instant noodle packs in the store, he can't help but think of big deal.

If it means I can eat better food later...I don't mind eating here now.

but he's annoyed the lavish food he can buy now doesn't quite fill him up the same way.

✿ who would have you blushing the most?

A/N: first date headcanons next?? 🤷🏽‍♀️ if ppl like this one too

[worldly-fluster]

The LADS boys when you 'like' someone else.

*This will be based off of what's going on with me and my irl love life rn.*

**The guy that you 'like', I'll call him...Kane. You guys are old friends from your job before you actually became a hunter.**

Sylus, Xavier, Zayne, Rafayel

***There will be a part two!!!!***

Sylus-

He...kinda expected this.

He knew that you could possibly already like someone that wasn't him, but he expected one of the three other men vying for your attention on the daily.

Not that one guy, Kane, that you used to work with.

You told him that there was a guy you liked, and that you were planning on telling him that you like him soon, you didn't say a name at first so he felt his heart flutter, thinking that maybe you liked him too.

But then when he encouraged you to just go for it, tell the guy now, instead of waiting, he saw you pick up your phone and send a text.

He waited for a second for his own phone to ring with a notification, until you showed him your screen.

There was the text, 'I like you 😃'. Right under the contact named Kane...

You smiled at him, not knowing his blood ran cold and his heart dropped.

He really shouldn't have let his hopes up...

Xavier-

This boi.

This boi already knew you liked someone else.

He just thought he could somehow get you to see that he liked you more than what that guy did.

He could treat you better.

When you asked him for advice on how to tell this...Kade Guy, whatever his name is, that you like him, he just said 'Don't. He probably doesn't like you.'

He said it in jealousy, not realizing that he hurt your feelings at first until you frowned.

You said that you were just gonna send him a text, rip off the bandaid then.

Xavier froze as he watched you pull out that damned device, clicked onto that guys contact and typed out the dreaded question that wrung out his heart.

He could only watch as you left his apartment to your own as you waited for the answer.

Zayne-

He was just giving you a check up, a normal thing for the both of you at this point.

Every time he got close to you, he could feel his fingers tingle in a warmth he loves.

But that small joy of his was short lived when he heard your phone notification go off.

It must be this Kane guy you talk about often.

He stiffened a bit when you looked down at it and smiled before sending a reply then turned to him with a question after a bit of thought.

How do you tell someone you like them?

Zayne sat straight, clearing his throat of the lump that appeared there before answering.

I would tell them, no sugar coating it. Be blunt.

You smiled at him, making his heart ache, as you typed to Kane.

He wanted to stop you, tell you that you were looking in the wrong direction, that he's right here. Waiting.

But he couldn't.

He just wants you to be happy...

Rafayel-

You...you keep on hurting him without realizing it, huh.

He's waited 800 years, walked though deserts, climbed mountains, swam seas, traveled the world. All to find you.

Only for you to love someone else?

This, this urchin doesn't deserve you. No one but him does.

He told you that telling this guy, Kent or whatever, wouldn't be a good idea.

But you insisted.

He can't ever stay mad you, but he will be here if anything happens.

If this guy even breathes your way funnily, thinks of hurting you...

Raf watched as you sent the awful text, the dagger in his heart.

He felt his hands shake as he tried to distract himself with his painting, but every brush stroke he made seemed wrong, painful.

He really, really hopes he doesn't reciprocate...

****wrote this on my lunch break, I'm also going to soon confess to the irl guy I like, I'll let you guys know how it goes!!!****

[hermanoga]

Cause I got nothing to lose : Xia Fei, my new hero in Link Click

before any serious shit wrecks havoc I want to ramble a bit

oh my god, I love xia fei. I mean I knew I would love him but that was for a different reason. He is probably gonna die in the near future, probably lu guang's action triggering his death (or he may not die at all! maybe he survives in this timeline, changing a major node! I hope, I hope), he is already a struggling student economically helpless abroad, his 'Emma' vibes are strong, he assures his worrying mother even though he goes through financial hardships. He is smart enough to know he is being exploited (and tbh the theme of surveillance and making him the 'morbid' object of gaze, I say morbid because in the last scene of his pv, it's a dead shot, his eyes look so dead, the camera's battery is dead. But yk what remains? his face card. The like button continually popping with likes made me very uncomfortable. The cinematography, symbolism and metaphor- link click's visual storytelling just never ceases to amaze.) Also how him being a model is not due to his passion, he desperately needs this money to survive (sounds familiar?)

But really...link click was really link clicking when we got xia fei's first appearance. Subtle social commentary at its finest. Not a woman, but a man is being made fun of for his astronomical career growth in exchange for supposed 'sexual favours'. Those ladies were not, in fact, subtle about it. I'll dive deeper into Xia Fei's psychology later but this encounter shows the harsh reality of the entertainment industries, mostly for those who did not join for passion but rather who had no choice.

Also the scene where his roommate. Man. It's important to address how 'casually' harassment can happen and an AMAB person can be a victim too. Anyway when the roommate tells him about ' the gig that pays quick money and they would like a hottie like you!' I couldn't help but flinch, I understand his rage. Of course, it's again insinuated to be something sexual. That's the first impression Xia Fei also has.

His pv is translated as 'lending body' or 'lending skin', ik it may have multiple meanings but one of them is very prominent.

Selling your face. Or maybe selling your body.

The way the camera fixes its gaze on Xia Fei continually, it's not really for fanservice merely. He is this object people ogle at. (and the way liu xiao and vein ogle at him in his pv makes me sick nvm). Even though it's his own body and beauty that makes him famous, he has no autonomy whatsoever. He realises it. That's why he says

Cause I have got nothing to loose

I don't really think link click is about time traveling. It's that archtexual exercise that constantly subverts genres at its level best. You know what, defamiliarise, many people do not like uncool stuff, for example : issues struggling young people actually face in real life, in this late stage capitalism. That's why link click should not reach that demographic of people. I hope it never does. I hope it gets famous within a community who actually understand and resonate with this show.

Also Xia Fei's story talks about another important theme of the donghua; photo! How photos taken in private spheres are meant to preserve memories of the loved ones, loved encounters. How you capture someone you love in that still image, alive with the emotion you associate with them, giving it an afterlife. The photo becomes the literal and metaphorical medium through which Lu Guang can rewrite history. Forget-me-not, remembrance. It empowers him.

On the contrary, for Xia Fei, it is the panopticon seizing his life and rendering it absurd. The emotive power and affect for lu guang changes into viscous institutionalised power politics for Xia Fei. Brilliant! 😭

I can't help but quote a few lines from a poem by Ama Codjoe

On Seeing and Being Seen

I am touching the photograph of my last seduction. It is as slick as a magazine page, as dark as a street darkened by rain.

When I want to remember something beautiful, instead of taking a photograph, I close my eyes. Desire made you beautiful. I closed my eyes.

.... Tonight, I am alone in my tenderness. There is nothing in my hand except a certain grasping. In my mind’s eye, I am stroking your hair with damp fingertips. This is exactly how it happened. On the lit-up hotel bed, I remember thinking, My body is a lens I can look through with my mind.

Lmao I didn't want to write all of this I'm so sorry 😭

So yeah, that was all the impressions hmph before yingdu ep 3. Now.

I want Xia Fei to be my bestie and go with me on friendship dates. Don't get me wrong, I love Cheng Xiaoshi, but he personally feels to be more like a brother to me, who is infuriating at times and that dumb bitch I'll protect at all costs. I want to befriend Xia Fei and it's serious 😭.

Also I would want, in another timeline, Cheng Xiaoshi and him being complete besties, two dumb twinks twinking with each other. Dumb gays basically. We have got INTJ nerd in Lu Guang, it's refreshing to see ENFP nerd in Xia Fei. Xia Fei could effortlessly be the best regular visitor of the time photo studio. I do not want to tear up thinking about him right now but I really want him to be happy...in another timeline. Blooming with happiness, close to his friends and loved ones, content and safe...

talking about loved ones...

I want an AU where he

fixes this mf

I want Vein to experience at least 1/5th of Lu Guang's anguish and melancholy for Xia Fei. I know, I know maybe Vein will kill Xia Fei when he defects, he is just using him from the very beginning but my love, that's what I am saying! In that AU, they will start off all toxic yaoi shit but at the end it will be...he was a cannibal and he was just a guy, their inter-timeline love will change your perception of love!

I mean no sorry, Xia Fei deserves to be loved and why Vein? because that's his punishment. Melancholic love can be the greatest punishment for someone who goes like a vendor and asks random people " would you like some punishment?" no, sir, thank you sir, would YOU like some sincere human emotions that chomp on your conscience? It's called love, it's limited edition but I'll arrange some for you!

Ok, I have got another fic to write 😭

returning to this post because @whispersoflullaby and I were discussing Xia Fei's body dysmorphia which seems specific to AFAB people and queer people. He isn't someone who is proud of his 'beauty', welp, that's odd for a typical handsome cishet person? His 'beauty' is turned against him. Ngl he reminds me of Ash Lynx a bit. You might say that he had a history of abuse and that's why he assumed the 'gig' his roommate mentioned as sex work. But there is more to it. He is definitely not a typical cishet boy, he is not projected to be one either. Even in the short span of ep 3, it's established that Xia Fei has some intimate connections to Vein, irrespective of whether Vein is using him or not. His anger at his roommate's remark feels very close to violating his identity as a queer person. The assumption that queer people are naturally 'lecherous', and they have no morality or anything whatsoever. But when Xia Fei is well established in the industry, this body politics is slightly changed. Money talks in the entertainment industry and money is the power in capitalist business. So those girls gossiping about the rumour that Xia Fei sleeps with the director for his career growth doesn't bother him like before. The most important thing is, he doesn't deny any rumours. He straight up says "Unlike some people, I always go for the best, whether it's a project or connection, isn't it right, boss?" His reply actually reinforces those speculations...it's giving " Yes I am a sugar baby, but ykw I can cry in my Tesla when you can't afford therapy". It's funny how at the end he says, "Right, boss?" to Vein! Link click...when I get you Link Click... *kowtows*

Also, I really wanna know what exactly did Vein say through the phone to get this reaction out of Xia Fei and cancel his plans to return home.

he is pleasantly shocked! You can see his eyes...that's some sincere emotions and then after the shock subsides, a soft look overcomes his expression. He softy sighs.

And also, idk if I am hallucinating but there is a little blush visible near his eyes (it's no longer there when he sighs)...I want to know what Vein said to him 😭 that interaction is shot in a very *jabsjksksdjnd* way, you can't deny it's intimate.

[dalliancekay]

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.”

Joseph Heller, Catch-22

I don't yet know how to explain this... And will probably mess it up. But I think that in fiction, sometimes in life too* and in my case, obviously particularly I'm talking about Good Omens here - people often forget that if something terrible does not happen, that it was going to be fine all along** and the character who was worried about it, was overreacting (being stupid, cowardly, uncool, wimp, sissy etc etc).

It was @seaweednpeanuts who put this idea in my head and now I'm trying to express my thoughts on it.

You know how people tend to joke that Aziraphale and Crowley do nothing in S1 and are completely useless and isn't that hilarious, but aww, we love them anyway, the two idiots etc? Sure, it's funny but it's also not true.

When Aziraphale says:

He doesn't mean - 'we are completely useless'.

He means they messed up as far as it goes for things they were supposed to be doing. And even thought they were doing. They didn't double check they were raising the right baby for example; they perhaps could have (but Adam grew up the best human he could have been - by well.... sheer accident? Fate? God's actual Plan?).

If they weren't both so good and kind and dither so much trying to find other ways to stop the Armageddon (I’m looking at you Aziraphale), they could have found Adam in Tadfield and kill him. And if they were truly with their respective sides... well, it all would have gone very differently too.

That's one thing.

They messed up, sure, as far as big grand Ineffable Plans go and nothing went the way they imagined (or were told) but they still played an important role in bringing the whole Armageddon and War plan down. The point is, that everyone there did. In some way. From Anathema to Adam's dad.

Just because it was fine in the end doesn't mean a real possibility of Armageddon wasn't there. Not unless you want to take away all the agency away from Az and Crowley (which is the eternal debate over an omniscient God anyway).

And it's the same across millennia. Just because Aziraphale is extremely cautious about his words, Crowley's words, their actions and the possibility of them being watched or overheard and punished for working together, doesn't mean that the possibility wasn't always there.

It doesn't even mean that the possibility couldn't still be there.

GIF by @i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky

They aren't safe. They've never been safe and there was never anywhere to hide or run to.

And Crowley knows that too.

"You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there," he said. "I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to one up there," said Aziraphale. "Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy," said Crowley sourly. "Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?" "Sure," said the demon. "There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass-" "I meant afterwards." "Oh."

They have suffered already so much; even if they did manage to keep their Earth jobs and their friendship for over 6000 years. Their existence was always fragile.

Aziraphale gets blamed so very often for how cautious he is.

I hate it when this line gets weaponised against Aziraphale. (Yes, I admit, even in fics.) Because, he has nothing to apologise for. He couldn't have done anything differently. There is no way Crowley could would e v e r blame him for saying no to a date. For never saying out loud how he really felt. What he really wanted.

Those things were impossible. And even though Crowley offered, if you actually watch his face after Aziraphale refuses, he is not angry or bitter or offended (as many metas and posts would have him feel). He's sad and thoughtful. Because Crowley knows exactly how much he is loved and cared for by that refusal.

F15 is so tragic because once again, Aziraphale is reminded they are not free. That they are not safe and they have not been left alone.

And this time

he's truly furious about it.

*Controversial perhaps, but you know all those feel-good posts and quotes about asking people in retirement homes or something what'd they have done differently and what are their biggest regrets and they all say (or at least the published picks say) some sort of - I wish I worked less, tried less hard to make money, spent more time with kids and family etc...

Well those can fuck right off. Because I believe that most people would absolutely want to spend more time with their friends and kids and family and less time at work and constantly worrying about money. But that's not how life works, is it. Just because I was lucky so far and managed to pay all bills somehow, doesn't mean that I can just stop worrying about them, does it. Next time, I'd love to know the places these quotes are coming from. Just because Donald didn't spend time with family and is now dying alone doesn't mean his regrets and have anything to do with Tom on the other side of town who worked 3-4 jobs at a time his whole life and his biggest regret anyway is not trying harder (he couldn't have tried any harder) so his kid wouldn't have to work part-time job while at uni. Donald was always a jerk and his regret should be that he was a jerk and didn't pay his taxes so people could stress less about what happens when they lose a job.

Anyway. Rant over.

I know Aziraphale will win his love and his freedom and his happiness. But that doesn't mean that his worries and his caution and his anxiety were ever unfounded.

** When Gabriel claims that most things are fine in the end, he's not exactly contributing to it, is he. It's Aziraphale's stubbornness and caution that keeps him safe.

[elytrafemme]

ok yeah im done watching fucking tubbo but yeah. my last thoughts on the dream thing are that if someone as an adult is making heavy sexual jokes around minors that is a warning sign if not actually definitive itself of grooming. not to pull this card for the thousandth time (though i am in a better headspace now, before people worry) but i always feel like i have to for the sake of making a point, like. that is HOW it got started for me. it was jokes about sex, and then it was sending sexual fanfictions back and forth, and then it was him telling me an anecdote about his sex life because it was "funny", and it just snowballs from there until we're having the "you're going to make me catch a case" talk when i was fucking fourteen, maybe fifteen. and even though what happened to me wasn't "major" i've stopped thinking about it as lucky because no i wasn't lucky. i didn't make it out unscathed clearly. dream (and also wilbur!) joking about sex around minors, doubling down as soon as they turn 18, etc-- that is creepy. that is weird.

there are conversations that can be had about sex with minors. sometimes there are sex ed questions! and most of the time that sort of thing is like, you redirect them to scarletteen or something, but i'd be insane to act like it never comes up sometimes, right. but joking about sexual anecdotes and making explicit sexual jokes around minors like... that is so fucking creepy. and like there's a tiny line there i GUESS of like some sex jokes being so disambiguated and vague and pop culture-y that it's fine but most sex jokes are like, why would you make that to kids.

(also not to mention like... dream calling tommy's mom and that display of power over him? nonsexual but that is still manipulative behavior. it all folds together.)

i haven't looked back at dream's allegations, all i know was that a lot of allegations were made and dream is a notorious liar and i believe victims so i think my position is clear. but i need to express that even if in the rare sliver of a case ALL of that was untrue, dream is STILL a creep for the way he interacted with minors. i'm not going to explicitly call him a pedophile, i will call him a groomer though. i won't state that he groomed tommy or tubbo because that is not something either of them have said, but i am just drawing conclusions and relating it back to my experiences that lead me to believe he is overall a groomer.

i don't have a lot of minors following me nowadays because i was on the younger end of mcytblr when i was into it, at least in my circles. so i won't speak to that audience i will just speak broadly when i say that if you take ANYTHING from this, it's that grooming is not a cookie-cutter kind of trauma or situation. i never physically interacted with my groomer, and i have left with the impression that he wasn't attracted to me personally. but what he did to me was him doing powerplay, it was him trying to use my idolization of him as a way to justify all of his horrible actions. as a fun side note, while he was emotionally manipulating me, he was also telling me freak sexual shit. but at the core of it, he love bombed me because he needed someone in his corner who, even when he fucked over every last person we knew, would want to believe him so bad. and in a way, he succeeded. i never rekindled my friendship with those other people in the group, and it just gradually dripped away over months. i'm glad that hasn't affected some of the ex-dreamsmp creators, with regard to... what was tubbo calling it, brighton crew? whatever.

the day the internet realizes the nuances of grooming and sexual assault is the day that people like me can finally be at peace online. it's easy to pick away at screenshots and argue that it was only second or third or whatever degree whatever, but all of that goes away when you are actually having the experience. because you realize then what it can do to you, even if it's no-physical contact, even if the person isn't directly attracted to you, even if it wasn't for very long, even even even. and i'm glad none of the minors-at-the-time dsmp ex-creators seem to have left with substantial trauma on the sexual front, but i am always going to talk about it because i think it is important. and as much as i bitch and moan about the ex-dsmp content creators who were minors (or barely 18) at the time, and the gripes i have with some of them now, i will always be sympathetic to all of them because i understand what it feels like. thanks for reading. & you're never alone, as a survivor, as someone going through this, ever. lots of love everyone.