#(developed several stand up routines to mess with inquiring parties)

[familiaanteomnia]

about the 7th time of being given the 'wait those two had a kid' + treated like some sort of time lord behavior codex in their home reality was 100% the 7th time too many (vesper unlocked just a permanent joking attitude about the topic overall)

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

2/20/2019 (Part 2)

Okay... 

So I got home from work after being there literally until 5:30 on less than one hour’s sleep. That was no fun at all.

I finished my day getting through all these semi-urgent tasks and at the end of the day, the head of my company asks why I haven’t prepared a list of content pieces they can share for their marketing campaign. Like, what? He then, straight-faced, asks me to write some blogs and prepare lists of content for them to post online in my free time. Oh, and the content I prepare and write is just ghost writing - they won't even attribute my work to me. Take the reputation boost, take the money for my work, literally give me nothing and have no fucking appreciation. 

Firstly, I am severely underpaid in this job. No exaggeration, I practically work for free because it’s part of a training thing I have to do. Seriously, this guy wants me to spend what time I’m not there working practically for free so that I can literally work for him for free even outside my contracted hours? Dude, you can get fucked. 

The messed up thing about my industry is that companies can exploit young professionals because the sector is so saturated and competitive. It’s sickening. They talk about entitled generations in the media. Unpaid internships were not a thing in anything close to the scale they are now. These days companies are literally employing people without even covering travel or food expenses so that they can work for free. 

So, I have two degrees, I did very well in both, I went to an excellent University, I did all the leadership and many, many extracurricular and part-time jobs, and I’m still in this position. 

I really need to get more involved in politics - once I have a bit of stability I want to get involved in supporting some of the minority parties, and lobbying the bigger ones. 

The older generation really has fucked us.

In my country, people living on welfare $200 per week below the poverty line. Literally, the Business Council in our country said our welfare is so low that it's actually undermining our economy. Yet, our media and government routinely attack young people, but 32% of welfare recipients in our country are over the age of 50, the number of people on welfare is lower than it was 20 years ago,  despite being one of the richest countries in the world per capita, we rank 25 out of 30 OECD countries. MP's claimed a total of 8000 years worth of unemployment benefit in 2016. Negative gearing in our country costs $3.6 billion a year in lost revenue (literally the entire cost of jobseekers and twice the amount we spend on our Indigenous population). Further, tax evasion in our country equates to 400,000 years worth of unemployment welfare and our mining industry received 350,000 years worth of unemployment welfare through subsidies. All this aside, the dreaded welfare dependents that the media keep referring to make up 0.3% of recipients. Oh, and our country literally criminalizes homelessness.

Anyway...

I hadn't intended to bang on with that. I'm just pissed how exploited I am at the moment. I predicted the company I was working for was exploitative, and their vaunted 'innovation' was just another elaborate mechanism of exploitation. Unsurprisingly, I was correct. I stay back later than all the better paid employees most nights I am there, I produce a ridiculous amount of work and I don't even get a thank you. Like, so fucking entitled. Basically, I can't wait to get out of my job. Still, it is better to apply to another job if you've already got one. So, the next few weeks I'm going to send out as many job applications as feasibly can be done well.

Things are manageable. I just need to set aside more time to improve on my coding and my second language skills, and apply for more jobs, and exercise more. 

I've literally only had an hour of sleep in the last 40 hours and I still can't sleep. This is not ideal.

Tomorrow I'll do a list of potential articles while I am at work. If he has an issue with it, he can ask other people to do the work I would otherwise do themselves. 

Anyway, I don't spend very long there in the scheme of things and everything in my life is manageable for now. I just need to get another role soon, tomorrow during my lunch break calling a few HR people to inquire about a few potentially interesting gigs.

I've decided I'm going to see a therapist, as well. I think I'll get a referral and go to the place I used to go to.  I think my anxiety is reaching critical levels. I sometimes think I can hear voices when I'm especially stressed. I know they are just voices so I can rationalize that they are a hallucination and don't mean anything. It's just little things, like hearing my name sort of whispered; and I feel, sometimes, however slightly that my co-workers are plotting against me and talking about me behind my back. 

In other news, I spoke to my sister today. That was lovely. I'm very close with her, we've always been close. It was good hearing from her and I am geniunely so happy that she's doing well. It made the rest of my day almost okay. 

Basically, in dealing with the problems currently before me, I just need to continue developing skills that will help me stand out and keep applying. I generally do get interviews, even for places I don't even think I'm qualified for. I know people far less competent than myself who have had perfectly successful careers. I think I just need to be patient and realize that it is a hard slog. Part of making it in this career is to just outlast most of the other competitors. At this point, it isn't about intelligence but work ethic and how far you can push yourself.

I know a lot of other people in a similiar situation as myself. I just need to remember that things are fucked but I can persevere.  

If anyone else out there can do it, there isn't - at least in principle - a strong reason that I cannot also do something similar. I need to look out for opportunities. On the plus, I've had a girl I know reach out to me and we've both bitched about the place. 

I am very grateful for my partner and my family though - I’m very fortunate to have them in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without.