#(by that i mean i could provide immense support from the text)

[jacksprostate]

one of my favorite things to do is scroll through the fight club tag and go 'he would not fucking say that'

[miyuwuki]

have you ever imagined miyuki kazuya as a boyfriend?

hehe boyfriend!miyuki kazuya hc’s ;)

LOVEEEEES TO TEASE YOU

he just likes getting you flustered; could be playful or sexual tbh

you could be singing a song and you’d mess up the lyrics

and he’d be like

“do u even know the song u fake”

“SHUT UP, KAZUYA”

and would make fun of you for the rest of the day

isn’t very affectionate in public

the most he’d do is have an arm around your waist or flick your forehead

“THAT HURTS, KAZUYA”

he’s usually busy, being the captain of seido’s baseball team, he bears the heavy expectations that he gets from the team

he’s also usually at practice or watching baseball dvd’s/scorebooks

but that doesn’t mean he’ll neglect you

he will always find time for you throughout the day

like he spends his lunch with you (BONUS: sometimes brings you a cooked meal because you forget yours sometimes :))

and he will check up on you through text when practice gets a little long

miyuki: have you ate yet? did you study?

on the rare occasions where he doesn’t have practice, he spends it with you

whether it be studying together or spending a lazy day in his dorm, being with you is enough

OH and you make the effort to see him! like sometimes you’d watch him practice or if you needed to study for something, you’d stop by to say hi. sometimes, you’d even bring him a big ass meal to eat after

and he appreciates you for that

“I WANT A MEAL TOO, Y/N” says kuramochi

baseball can be very occupying of his time (and is) so he appreciates your effort to see him, because this man definitely missed you

kazuya can be cold when it comes to emotional availability, but when it comes to you he tries his best

a lot of reassurance and hugs

hugs are obviously 5 stars

would run his hands up and down your back as you bury your face in his chest

sometimes would run his fingers through your hair

it helps you relax

would pepper you with kisses around your face

if you ever had a bad day, he would stay with you

if you didn’t want to talk about it, he would respect that and turn to watching a movie or holding you in his embrace

would encourage you to talk about it soon though. as much as he isn’t good with these things, he wants to be in tune with you

he just cares so much

and when he’s had a bad day, he would tell you eventually, not right away

but in the mean time, he would be the little spoon and you would just need to provide him with comfort

would lay on top of you with his face in your neck

legs intertwined

you’d tell him a really bad joke; a joke so bad it would make him laugh

“kazuya, how do cows count?”

and he’d hum in response against your neck

“by using a COWculator”

“y/n, ur so stupid”

but he loves your bad jokes and the way you laugh at them. it eventually cheers him up

you know it does because you feel him giggle against your neck and snuggles into it more

YOU GO TO HIS BASEBALL GAMES

AND THIS MAN HAS THE BIGGEST SMUG LOOK ON HIS FACE

you’re wearing his jersey

when you see him hit a wild pitch, you cheer him on

and he hears you and makes him play 10x better

kuramochi and sawamura tease him for it though

“miyuki, how come you’ve never played this good before?”

“is it because of y/n, EHE?”

“literally shut up” but he’s blushing a LITTLE BIT IT IS SO FAINT

he looks up at you and sees your beautiful smile

he would never want to disappoint when his girlfriend was watching

he was so blessed to have an immense amount of support from you. win or loss, he felt your belief in him always

when you guys get into arguments, you both usually take the time to cool off or else something that wasn’t supposed to be said was.. said

you guys would ignore each other for a bit (but miyuki would approach you first)

but after, you both are very mature when talking it out and will always try to improve whatever happened

it makes you guys so much stronger in the end too

he takes so much pride in you and is so happy you’re his girlfriend

aaaaaaa my first hc! i love kazuya and this is what i think he’d be like as a boyfriend hehe. i know no one sees this or is following but if you stumble across this, hey! feel free to drop a request in my inbox (daiya or knb related) and when i have the time i will try to upload it! :)

[goofyhoffy]

known stranger |jjk|

CHAPTER II

people say your bestfriend's rival is your rival too. But what if you fall for your rival.

✿ Pairing :  Jungkook × female reader, Jimin × best friend reader

✿ Genre : enemies to lovers, stranger au, personal assistant au, manager au, mutual au.

✿ Summary : always seen him around your mutual friend, but one day you  noticed the known face. Everyone find you so interesting that they always want to be your best friend, yet you never find anyone close to your heart. Jimin your so called bestfriend gone through the worse break up but instead of caring him you fall for his rival. You never thought of liking someone who would beat your bestfriend, but you fall for Jungkook there. Unfortunately, Jungkook became your personal assistant who hated you the most for supporting Jimin. What if Jungkook also wants you back?

✿ warnings : fluff, strong languages, reader is a psychopath, angst, anxiety, anxiousness, double faced, bullying, overthinking, mean people, Jimin here is the meanest, ignoring, explicit, smut, fake friends, manager and personal assistant au, mutual friend, swearing, filled with flirty lines, rival, lovey dovey, break up, makeout, humiliation, oneshot, texting.

✿ Series : a drabble of 3 sets

MASTERLIST

✿ Author's note : sorry for the late update! But here it is. Lately I have been writing a bunch of Fanfiction. UPDATE: I'll be posting a Yoongi's oneshot soon, so stay tuned.

(◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。 (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。 (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

"I think he's doing quite well. He become more reliable and accurate in his work. Now, I think you could direct him." You said to your boss. He was asking you if Jungkook was working efficiently or not. He also asked if you need his help anymore. But you already cleared that he's good to go now. You don't need his help.

"Are you sure? You don't want him as your personal assistant anymore." Your boss asked.

You nodded and said "absolutely your son has become more focused and mature now. He can start his own career now."

"Umm, some serious talk is going on?" Someone intreuppted in the middle and as expected it's Jeon Jungkook.

"Come here. Just talking about you, son." Your boss hugged him.

"Woah! About me?" He smirked at you. But you just rolled your eyes.

"_____(y/n) said that you don't need to work here anymore. Now, you can start up." Your boss proudly said. But hearing those words the smile from Jungkook's face vanished.

"No. Never. I still want to work here, dad." Jungkook sighed

"Boss, I think Mr. Jeon is now capable of doing something of his own. I also don't need personal assistant anymore." You smiled.

"But I want you." Jungkook shouted.

"I-i mean, I still want to learn things from you. You can't abandon me this easy." Jungkook arrogantly said.

"I didn't said anything even though you were ignoring me all these days. I stayed calm for you to process. But now, you're just withdrawing me." Jungkook sighed.

"Everything is good kook? You're so tensed because of this job?" Your boss asked him.

"Dad, I want to work here for more time. Please now let me do." Jungkook said.

"But I don't want any personal assistant anymore. Boss you can promote Jungkook to financial department." You asked.

"No, ___(y/n). Can't you hear me. I want to work with you dude." Jungkook rolled his eyes.

"Kook, it's okay. You'll work here with ____(y/n) as long as you want." Your boss said and left your work place.

As your boss left the bright atmosphere turns to dark gloomy venue. You can't process how badly Jungkook just begged to work with you. He just want you. Only you. You also want him more than he does. You both were silently sitting facing each other looking at eachother. It's a tensed situation but you feel like laughing at Jungkook's baby face.

"You're so annoying!" Jungkook sighed.

"Don't roll your eyes on me, for God sake." He said.

"Okay." You smiled.

"Dude, speak something. I can't with you. What's happened? Why are you doing this to me? Is something wrong? Tell me. Please." Jungkook innocently begged.

That time you want to tell everything you witnessed at his text with Seokjin and the worst words he told you about Jimin and your relation. His words 'I'll fuck a pig than you' was kept reminding. But the way he was asking with his baby face, you can't deny but you fall for him. You missed him in these days more than he does. His cute flirting, little caring and everything he does was so pure in your eyes.

"I'll fuck a pig than y/n. Ew" you sang smilingly. But internally you were burning at the words.

"What?" Jungkook asked.

"You don't want to fuck me right? You better fuck a pig then?" You sarcastically smiled.

"What are you talking about? Tell me clearly." Jungkook arrogantly said.

"Sorry but I checked your phone. And there I saw what you told Seokjin about me. And this lines you told him. Isn't I'm right?" Your smiling face turns to a serious frown now. You're dead serious about this. Even past these days, only this line stuck to your head and gives you enough anxiety that you can't focussed on anything.

"You did what? I-I'm sorry. So so sorry. It's not what you think it's." Jungkook stumbled.

"You don't need to explain Jungkook. I get it, your friends hate me because of supporting Jimin. And I also know what you think of me. Just don't be a double faced person." You sighed.

"No, it's not like that. You're really a great person ____. It's just they talk shit about you because of being Jimin's bestfriend." Jungkook said.

"And you also talk shit about me. Isn't it?" You asked

"I really like you. Really. And I mean it." Jungkook innocently said.

"You're unknowingly attractive. I don't know, but you're way too sassy and sweet. I always tried to hate you but I just can't. I like you." Jungkook sighed

"Jungkook this sugarcoating words are far from my knowledge." You said.

"I told you enough that I didn't mean it. I'm sorry for what I did. But you're way too annoying."

"And you know what, your annoyance is the only thing I like." Jungkook smirked.

"Whatever Jungkook. Don't be double faced." You said

"I'm definitely not, but listen. " Jungkook arrogantly said.

◉

It's been the end of the month to work with Jungkook. He was always been on and off with you. Before you were ignoring him and now he was ignoring you. Just the way. And you end up ignoring eachother. But the end of the month there were many work to be done in hotel.

Initially it was planned that for two days there will be an organisation presented at the hotel you work that. There were many work lods too. Jungkook as well as you were working real hard in your cold war phase. You geniunely want to apologize to him but this work never leave both of you alone. Even if you asked him to talk to you he just passed it for later.

"Being the management department ____(y/n) you have to do night shift here. We'll provide you efficient room so you can better organized it without any interpretation." Your boss said

"Sure boss. Will Jungkook also be there doing the night shift?" You asked.

"Yeah. As he's your assistant he have to. And also for two days you'll hault here at night too. I'll arrange two rooms for you and Jungkook." Your boss said.

You sighed at it. This whole month was so distrubing for you firstly because of Jungkook and then so much of work and other thing. You were also can't proceed in your book series so far. You want to take rest. You taught everything to Jungkook what he have to do in this two days. Basically the night hault always been fun for you as you get free stuff from the hotel and get a luxurious bed to drift to sleep. So, at last all your work goes great.

"My room is beside yours incase you need something." Jungkook said.

"I want to talk to you." You asked.

"I'm tired rightnow. Can we talk later." Jungkook left.

"You always say the same Jungkook." You looked at him.

"Guess who started." He winked at you and close his door.

He was more annoying than you. His little things only drives you crazy. That day you and Jungkook did a great job. Everyone praised you both. You were so happy. Jungkook was so happy and blessed because of you. But the thing was the hotel was full and there was not a single room left for Jungkook as extra guest appeared at the last minute.

Someone knocked at your room at the night when you were going for your bed. You opened and it was Jungkook, you know that he'll come to you at last. He entered in your room and sit at the couch.

"I don't have anywhere to sleep." Jungkook blantly said.

"I guess I already know. I thought you'd go to home." You said.

"That's nice idea. I should go then." Jungkook asked.

"No need to. We can share my room." You rolled your eyes.

"I need to sleep." Jungkook asked.

"There is the bed, sleep." You sarcastically said.

"And you?" Jungkook asked

"I guess, we have only one bed. We willl share."

"It's okay, I'll sleep in the couch or something."

"Jungkook no need to make this a big deal. We can share it."

"For you everything is small deal. Even someone's emotions."

"Don't start again. You can take the left side of the bed, right side is always mine."

"But I can't stop myself from touching you."

"We have big pillows too, Jungkook. I'll pile up those between us. If you can calm yourself than probably we can sleep."

"Okay, I'll try."

"You have to kook."

As you made your bed and pile up the pillows between two of you. And you take the right side of the bed but he was still sitting at the couch thinking deeply if he should sleep at the bed or not.

"Come here, I'll make sure that nothing between us happens." You shouted at him. As he sleeps beside you calmly you can feel him beside you. His cologne, his essence and everything. There pitch dark in the room with the dread silence between you two. You were sure that he was not asleep as he was not snoring. But you want to look at him and tell him how much you missed him, how much his annoying ego you hated and how much you want to see him closely and kiss him immensely.

"Umm... You want to talk to something, you said." Jungkook asked. You move to face to face with him. He was already turned to your side. You never have seen him this closely. His looks makes you want him more. His deep voice in silence wage turns you on. You delicately want to touch him and apologize for your mistake. You want to tell him how much your liking turn to loving now.

"Nothing, good night." You said.

"I'm not at your bed to sleep, ____(y/n)."

"Huh?"

"I told you I like you. You didn't say anything after that."

"I also do like you. You're a great assistant Jungkook."

"You're so annoying. You know I didn't mean that. It was a mistake."

You didn't replied anything, the whole dark silence again reappears. It's just you and Jungkook and the dark light. In the dark too you can see his crystal skin with the eyes on you. You both were looking at each other. You both want to eat eachother but both of you were waiting for each other to make a move. But none of you were moving. Just two open eyes and close heart.

"I know you want me." Jungkook sighed

"Yeah kook. I want you but I don't want you to give myself." You hummed. It's more like moan for Jungkook. Your sleepy voice was like music to his hears.

"You're sleepy?" He asked.

"No, not. We can continue seeing eachother like this. It's feel good." You said.

"Don't say such things. I would kiss you, ____" he sighed.

"Who's stopping you. Kiss me if you want." You smiled.

"Your words drive me crazy _____" Jungkook said as he put the pillows between you out. Now, it's only you and him in the big cozy bed. As soon as he put the pillows aside you turn over to the lamp side.

"Ahhh! And your actions just boil my blood. You said I can kiss you." Jungkook whined.

"You can but it's my work to not make it happen. You only said " you chuckled.

He started whining but you're giggling inside that how much he need you. He want your lips, your words and you. His everything was internally driving him crazy. He looks at your ass as you tried to fix your shirt. He move towards you more nearer leaving zero gap. You can feel his chest from back. His wide strong chest is hitting your back. He put his face at the crook of your neck. He was smiling your milk bathed hair.

"Kook, you're too close." You silencely said.

"Can I hug you? Only hug." He asked and you nodded a yes. He put you in a embrace, his big hands surrounds your whole small waist and he was busy kissing your back of neck. His everything is attractive. The way he was grabbing your waist and pulling you closer and closer untill your ass hits his crotch area. You hummed when he circled in your stomach. He was gently caressing your stomach with his bare hand. His cold hands feels so good to you. You want more of him.

"You smell so good." He said. You just hummed at his response.

Everything was done by him but to contribute your part you glided your ass in his crotch area. You deliberately moved your ass to know him that you also wanted him. It was a teasing for him. You slowly loving how in the dark room one was totally ingrossed in someone. His fingers get inside of your shirt and he teasingly caressing it untill it touched the verge of the breast. As he stroke at the hum of your breasts you moved your ass a little more in his crotch area.

"Don't move like that." He seductively said

"Huh." You hummed and keep on moving like that.

"Fuck. I'm hard _____." Jungkook moaned under his breath.

He gently slide his finger inside your gown. It's felt good but in the mid way you grabbed his hands.

"You said we'll not." You said.

"Please ___(y/n) fuck me." Jungkook pleased

"But -"

"Fuck me dude." He asked as he sit up in the bed looking seductively towards your body. You knew that he was eyeing each and every curve of your but you liked it, you wanted it.

The soft velvety night gown which you were was perfect to seduce him. You deliberately wore that. As out of his patience he pressed your hands and lift you up. His veiny hand was enough to pull you on his lap. You were sitting on his lap, he carefully looked at your long beautiful hair bangs falling on your face then he softy looked in your eyes. Your eyes met. The silence was vanished in the room. It was covered with some heavy breathing hums you and Jungkook did. His pale red lips were bit by him. It was like he was screaming to kiss him. But you were a big tease. You also get melted with his little smirk. He came closer to you, your cheeks got ridden to feel him.

"Jungkook-" you hummed.

"Now move like that. Made me yours" Jungkook whispered while his hand grinding on your ass and the other one caressing your lips. His mouth working great on your ear. He softy biting your ear lobes which make you whined. You want him more than anything that time. Jungkook was a big tease than you and you accepted that. His actions makes your thighs squeezed which makes your ass grind at his crotch area more and more. You were moaning without caring anything.

"Yeah..just like that, I'll fuck you like the last person existed in this damn planet." Jungkook sighed while planting a deep kiss in your lips. You felt him, his lips, his hands on your ass, his body across you and his dirty words. He deepens the kiss pulling you closer by your waist more. He want to immersed inside you. You can't handle his rage but kiss back the way he did. Messy, sloppy and filled with lust.

"I want you, kook. Make me your little whore." You hummed at his words. At your words he hover over you. Patiencelessly undressed your soft night gown. He was not surprised to see you without a bra. He already knew it when he hugged you earlier. Beautiful view before him. You were like the most sweetest desert before him. He can't wait to tear your panties up. Without any second his mouth was on your nipples. He was sucking the left boob while pumping the right boobs. The soft skin of yours feel so good to him. Kisses all over your torso which turns to red marks with no times. You were just lying there and geeting all the pleasure and moaning.  His kisses goes down to the hem of your panties. He bit his lips and looked at your shy face.

"Is I'm allowed to your cute little pussy, Manager_______" Jungkook smirkingly said.

"What did I say? I'm your whore, Mr. Jungkook." You sighed.

"Then ready to take my fat big cock inside you, babe." Jungkook hummed. He tore your panties and licked the liquid out of your cunt. It's taste sweet he feels. He was doing a great job with his tounge. Every lick made you roll your eyes. You never thought he feels this good. You didn't regretted to take a step ahead to fuck him or more generously he fucked you beautifully.

"Jungkook fuck me, FUCK ME, now." You shouted seductively.

"Call me Daddy first you whore. You don't need to beg, Daddy will fuck you hard." Jungkook smirked. He slowly unzipped his pants and his huge fat cock sprung up to his waist. He looked at you but you were already looking at his delicious mate. You can't wait to let him inside.

"Da-ah-ddy" you moaned as he put his dick inside you. His big dick took zero time to place inside you. He thrusted inside you slowly and calmly. His each clap to your hip joint made you remind the stars. Your wet pussy wants more of him. His hips were doing a great job. Your waist was being pulled by him for steady and deep going. Your thighs were already trembling to sense his hands and his thrust. You promised of being his whore and you proudly become that.

"Fuck! Want you more." Jungkook moaned at your ears which make you tremble more and more. We was not stopping neither were you. You both wanted everything about each other. As he thrusted your g-spot you felt relieved and tranquil. He gasped and lay back at his place. You were lying next to him. For few minutes, the dark room was nothing but full of panting and moaning.

"You're amazing,_____" Jungkook said.

"Jungkook, sorry for the things I did to you." You nervously said.

"_____(y/n) forget all the things. Thanks, I never ever fucked anyone like this." Jungkook smirked.

"I already confessed to you. But I'm again gonna repeat. I like you." Jungkook looked at your eyes.

"Let me confessed to you too. I also liked you from very first. Maybe from the time you even didn't knew I existed." You confessed your feelings but you didn't regretted it.

"I knew it. The way you looked at me, I knew you like me too." Jungkook sighed as he turn towards you. He gently took your hands and put it on his chest. You smiled at him like he was the angel and not the person you just fucked.

"Should we date?" Jungkook asked with a big  smile on his face.

"What if I say no?" You smiled back at him.

His precious little smile falls apart. He yet haven't seen the inside of you. You want him to apologize about everything he does to you.

(◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。 (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。 (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

TAGS : @mellie1409 @pariyansha @alienatedkitten @chans-baby-girl @mwitsmejk @hello-stranger24 (sry the tags are not working)

[just-come-baek]

body rhythm

Pairing: Taeyong x reader | mentions of Seulgi x Irene | mentions of Johnny x almost everybody

Themes: smut | fluff | dance!au 

Word count: 14.8k

Summary: Taeyong and Seulgi participate in a nationwide dance competition. However, due to unfortunate scheduling, she has to drop out of it, suggesting you, out of all people, fill in. Taeyong isn't pleased with how things manage to fall out of place, but he is in no position to be whiny about it. For him, it's either learn to work with you or lose yet another time to his arch-enemy.

Warnings: a moderate amount of fluff | Johnny flirting with everybody in plain sight | Johnny stalks people out on social media | cursing | Doyoung being a huge dick | Doyoung flexing his hips | reader has inappropriate thoughts about Taeil | Taeyong being very demanding dance teacher | stressfull situations | drinking | reader is kind of bratty and Taeyong finds it really frustrating | frustrated/angry making out | as per smut | oral!female receiving | unprotected sex (never try it at home or else Imma tell your parents) | they kinda fuck in the open and kinda check our their refection in the mirror |

A/N it's my entry for song association event, I hope you like it, and also don't forget to check out other entries ^^ they must be all out by now lol

“Are you ready?” Johnny inquired as he set his fourth coffee of the day on his desk and plopped onto the swivel chair in a cubicle next to mine. It was a really long day at work, and we both had trouble sitting through the end of it. Heaving a deep sigh, I looked at the pile of documents that required my attention, groaning before I sprawled across my workspace.

“I thought it’s canceled tonight,” I spoke as I looked at my wristwatch, wincing when I realized there was still one more hour until Johnny and I could finally clock out.

A few months ago, our lovely firm, instead of giving us a well-deserved raise, had decided to provide us with a variety of extra activities. Though I’d rather get some monetary benefits, together with Johnny, we chose dance classes. Our company was paying for it, so we might’ve as well attended.

Ever since then, every Thursday, we would go to a dance class to sweat out all of the pent-up frustration. I didn’t have plenty of expectations, still bitter after the company’s decision, but the dance class turned out amazing. Seulgi was our teacher, and although she was a bit demanding, she was patient enough to teach us some sick moves. If that didn’t scream talent™, I had no idea what did.

“Well… last week, she said she might be absent today, but I got a text from school that someone will fill in,” Johnny spoke matter-of-factly. I sighed, checking my phone, reading the same text message from the studio. I really didn’t have energy for dance classes, but there was no way Johnny would let me skip.

“Do you want to grab a drink after? I think I need one, or a few,” I proposed as I sat back in my chair, trying to let my eyes rest from the computer’s screen.

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” Johnny asked rhetorically, smiling at me as if I just read his mind. It was almost Friday at this point, and we deserved a little treat.

Though it felt like an eternity, the clock finally struck 5 p.m., letting us leave our claustrophobic cubicles. Tomorrow we would come back for another dose of torture, but right now, we were free. Only for a few hours, though.

Quickly, I returned home to get my gym bag. Thankfully, I lived within walking distance from both – my office and the dance studio, so it wasn’t as troublesome to commute as it was for Johnny, who got stuck in traffic almost every day.

A few minutes before the dance class, I was already changed into my gym attire, waiting for Johnny. Though no one was texting me, I stared at my phone, furiously typing away. Moon Taeil, also known as my secret crush, was leaning against the wall on the other side of the corridor, and I tried every single trick my mind could come up with not to look desperate.

“At this point, he must think you hate him,” Johnny commented as he conjured in front of me out of nowhere. “You should hit on him instead of trying to bolt every time he approaches you,” he added, and I rolled my eyes at his yet another one shitty advice.

“Can you remind me why I don’t take dating advice from you?”

“Why are you attacking me? I just wanted to help. There’s no need to get so aggressive,” Johnny defended his case, not really answering my question. Johnny was a self-proclaimed love expert, but to me, he was more of a pathological playboy. Either way, he seemed to understand the secrets of flirtation to pick up girls whenever he set his mind to it.

“I am just trying not to be obvious,” I commented, stealing a glance at Taeil. It was a silly crush, and though Johnny encouraged me to go for it, I never decided to act on my feelings. Taeil probably didn’t feel this way about me, so remaining idle actually saved me embarrassment after an inevitable rejection.

“Speaking of which, I figured out why Seulgi is so resistant to my charms,” Johnny announced proudly, and I raised my eyebrow, waiting for the big reveal. Everybody in our group knew that Johnny was attracted to Seulgi, but every time he tried to approach her, she would brush him off.

“By figured out, you mean you stalked her, right?” I commented when Johnny handed me his phone, showing me Seulgi’s profile. According to what Johnny dug out in social media, Seulgi was getting married to Irene – her girlfriend of five years. “Huh,” I mused as I gave him back his phone, trying not to laugh at him. Seulgi was already madly in love with someone else, no wonder she could resist his charm.

“Call it whatever you want,” Johnny started, putting his phone away. “Just don’t hold me down when FBI finally recruits me for my impeccable detective skills,” he argued, and I laughed as I imagined him leaving our lovely company. That would be a shame; I couldn’t imagine anyone else sitting in the cubicle next to mine.

“The room should be open,” someone hollered, mentioning for us to open the doors and get inside. I had seen him a few times around the school, so I deduced he must’ve been our substitute teacher today.

Once everybody took their spot on the dance floor, the man cleared his throat. “Hello everybody, my name is Taeyong. Together with Seulgi, we run this school, and I hope we will have a lot of fun today with new choreography,” he announced politely with a practiced professionalism. Perhaps Taeyong didn’t seem as cool as Seulgi, but we had to give him a chance to prove us wrong.

Taeyong was intimidating. I wouldn’t want to be left alone with him. When he showed us a few moves, he was immensely focused on delivering one hundred percent. It was impressive and admirable, but at the same, Taeyong gave off a scary fierce aura. Though he was a great dancer and teacher, Seulgi was just better.

“I think I have a heart attack,” I panted, gasping for air. The new choreography required lots of jumping, and I didn’t expect so much cardio today. I wasn’t out of shape; however, after dancing to Taeyong’s choreography, I had some doubts.

“We should’ve skipped,” Johnny commented, bending over with his palms on his knees, supporting his huge body. Taeyong’s dance routine was too much for us, and we weren’t the only people struggling to breathe. Thankfully, next week Seulgi would be back.

***

“You’re not gonna believe this,” Johnny announced, craning his neck to look inside my cubicle. Heaving a sigh, I put my pen down, giving him my full attention.

This better be good.

“What is it? Who are you stalking this time?” I inquired, giving him the attitude. Johnny was spending too much time on his phone during working hours, but I couldn’t really frown upon it because I often caught myself doing the same thing.

“First of all, I thought we agreed to call it researching, not stalking,” Johnny clarified, and I rolled my eyes. “And second of all, it’s Seulgi. She and the other guy from the dance studio qualified for some dance competition. Check this out,” Johnny explained, handing me his phone.

Seulgi and Taeyong rocked the stage. Though I had nothing to compare their performance to, they just oozed charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. Without any shred of doubt, they would make it to the grand finale.

“Wow,” I mused, not sure how to appropriately respond. I was happy for their success; after all, their performance was broadcasted during prime time on national television. At this point, Seulgi and Taeyong were celebrities.

“I can’t wait for today’s class,” Johnny added in excitement, hiding his phone away inside the pocket of his jacket. “I have to congratulate her.”

“Them. You have to congratulate them,” I corrected Johnny as he seemed to forget about Seulgi’s dance partner. It wasn’t a solo competition, so both Seulgi and Taeyong deserved praise. “And as if you’ve forgotten, Seulgi is not and will never be interested in you. You gotta let this one go, man,” I added, hoping Johnny would stop his relentless flirting with Seulgi. Though it was funny at the beginning, it was evident Seulgi would appreciate it if he stopped.

“I am all over her. Trust me,” Johnny reassured me, and I let out a shallow sigh, wanting to believe him. “Do you know Wendy from the HR department? I think I’m gonna ask her out. I am all over Seulgi,” he added, and it actually convinced me. Although Johnny didn’t seek anything serious at this point in his life, and when something didn’t go according to his plan, he would shake it off and forget all about it.

“Ok, I believe you,” I said, giving him a genuine smile. “Oh, and I was thinking… how about some beer and chicken after dance classes today? I’ve been craving them the whole day,” I offered, and Johnny enthusiastically nodded. It did sound like a solid plan.

Thankfully, this week Seulgi was back, and everybody appreciated it. Taeyong was a great teacher, but we were a group of beginners, and it was difficult for us to follow his routine. We just weren’t ready for such complex choreography.

Everybody had so much fun today. At first, we practiced some old routines, working on synchronization. Later on, Seulgi taught us a few new moves, which I recognized from her television performance. Admittedly, they weren’t as difficult as they looked. Maybe it was a little bold of me, but I was thinking I was doing a pretty good job today.

At the very end of the class, Johnny delivered a dramatic congratulatory speech, making people laugh out of utter cringe. It was a nice gesture, and Seulgi’s embarrassment was adorable. She would cover her blushed cheeks and turn around, hoping the ground could swallow her up. In all honesty, it seemed to be the only way to shut up Johnny.

Just when we were about to be dismissed, I heard someone calling my name. Surprisingly, it was Seulgi. She must’ve wanted to discuss something with me. Damn it, was she going to scold me for not improving? Or was it because I sat half of the song out? I just needed a short break; I had no idea it would get me in trouble.

“I am sorry,” I apologized even though I wasn’t sure what for yet. Seulgi would enlighten me in a second, so I cleared my throat to apologize to her once again. However, when she giggled instead of yelling at me, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

“I’ll wait for you outside,” Johnny hollered before he strolled out of the practice room.

“Am I in trouble?” I asked, and Seulgi smiled, shaking her head.

Great, it was a relief.

“Actually, I may sound crazy to you,” she started, fidgeting a little. It was strange, Seulgi was a strong and confident woman, but right now, she seemed rather bashful. “Would you like to participate in a dance competition?”

Her question took me aback.

“What?” I asked, trying to wrap my head around the topic.

“Let me explain,” she offered, and I reluctantly nodded.

By the look on her face, I could tell it wasn’t going to be a quick chit-chat. Seulgi had a lot of things to explain, so we decided to sit on the floor before she began her speech.

Patiently, I listened to everything she wanted to tell me.

Seulgi and Taeyong wanted to participate in a dance competition ever since they had decided to open up a dance school together. Last week they really thought they were going to achieve their dream. Unfortunately, as soon as they qualified and received the schedule, complications started to follow.

Maybe it was a little bit overconfident of them to think they’d make it to the finals, but it still made them anxious. Regardless of their talent, they wouldn’t be able to perform in the grand finale. Apparently, on the very same day, Seulgi was getting married.

At first, I wanted to interject that they could reschedule, but Seulgi beat me to it.

“It would be the third time we reschedule it, and I just can’t let that happen. I don’t want Irene to think I prioritize dancing over her. She means the world to me, and I’d quit a thousand times to get married to her,” Seulgi confessed, and I tried my best to contain my feels. There was something raw and pure about Seulgi’s love, and it moved me.

Seulgi’s proposition was genius in its simplicity. Together with Taeyong, she would perform, climbing up the rankings. And if by any chance, they would make it to the final round; she wanted me to fill in. Given I had been dancing at their studio for about four months I couldn’t comprehend why she chose me.

I was a rookie, for crying out loud!

Finding a substitute dancer made a lot of sense, actually. Instead of dropping out, they could find a replacement. This way, Taeyong could still make his dream come true. And next year, together with Seulgi, they could try to defend the title.

However, once again, Seulgi read my mind and answered my question before I voiced my doubts. She must’ve really thought this through before approaching me. It seemed she had rehearsed all possible inquires and came up with perfect answers.

“All of our dancer friends either compete against us or failed during qualifications,” she declared, and I hummed in response. “Unfortunately, people who already attempted joining can’t fill in for other dancers.”

“That sucks,” I commented, and Seulgi dryly chuckled.

“I think you would be a perfect fit,” she started, and I held my breath, wanting to hear what made her think I’d be able to rise to the challenge. “Everybody can memorize moves, but you have a natural passion for dancing. I can see it in class. Maybe you can’t see it yet because dancing is a hobby to you more than anything else, but I can tell you have the it™ factor.”

I was speechless. Seulgi, the dance prodigy, was praising my dancing skills. I couldn’t believe my ears. What kind of self-indulgent dream was it? Why couldn’t I dream like a normal person? I had tendency to toot my own horn sometimes, but it was just too much.

“I bet with proper training, you and Taeyong could win.”

“Let me think about it, okay?”

“Sure, of course! No pressure!” Seulgi replied enthusiastically, giving me enough space to clear my mind and think about it.

“See you next week.” I waved at her, exiting the dance room. Absentmindedly, I changed out of the gym clothes and walked out of the building, almost walking past Johnny.

“Hey, what did Seulgi want?” Johnny asked, grabbing my wrist, pulling me out of trance.

“She wants me to dance in her place if she and Taeyong ever make it to the finals.”

“What?!”

 ***

At first, I was hesitant about this whole thing. I wasn’t a professional dancer, and I really didn’t want to contribute to them losing the competition. However, Seulgi really made a point that they would have to drop out anyway, so in some twisted way, my participation gave them a slimmer of hope for victory.

Once I explained everything to Johnny, he really insisted I should help them out, spitting nonsense about fame and recognition and how I couldn’t doubt myself and just go with the flow. Opportunities like this rarely occurred, and I ought to welcome them with excitement.

So I did.

Every Saturday and Sunday, I dropped by the dance studio for practice. Taeyong still intimidated me, but I could deal with it. Seulgi was always around me to nag him whenever he demanded too much from me. They balanced each other very well, and it was fun working with them. Even though each practice left me with sore muscled, I was still excited. It was tangible proof I was improving.

Seulgi and Taeyong smoothly went through the contest, winning each battle with ease, slowly climbing in the ranking. There was still plenty of work until the grand finale, but everything looked they were to make it to the very top.

Unfortunately, the closer to the D-day, the less time Seulgi had to help us during practice. With her wedding coming up, she had a lot of preparations to deal with. As a result, Taeyong and I had to practice the dance routine on our own.

“No, you’re doing it all wrong,” Taeyong yelled in irritation when for the nth time, I turned to my right instead of my left. “Do it again; five, six, seven, eight,” he added, playing the song from the very beginning.

To say I was frustrated was an understatement of the century. I was aware that Taeyong really wanted to win the competition, but he didn’t have to be a dick about it. With no Seulgi to supervise him, he was unbearable.

“I think I need a break,” I declared once I turned to the wrong side again before Taeyong managed to scold me for it. Even though he shouted something again, I ignored it. With a deep sigh, I walked over to my gym bag to get my water bottle.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Taeyong asked, staring down at me with his arms folded across his chest, his demeanor dominant. His eyes were drilling holes in my head, his jaw was tightened – it was evident I was driving him up the wall. It was just a matter of seconds before Taeyong would snap, lashing out at me.

“I am taking a break,” I answered quickly, ignoring his angry stare. I was at my limit. If Taeyong didn’t back off, it would be the end of the practice for today. One more mean word and I’d storm out of the studio. I was here voluntarily. I was doing him a favor, and I didn’t deserve this type of treatment.

“Is it a joke to you?” Taeyong carried on, and I rolled my eyes. Of course, it wasn’t a joke to me. But at the same time, I was sick and tired of his shenanigans. I wanted him to win, but not when my mental health was on the line. He was pissing me off, and I wouldn’t let him walk all over me. “I thought you decided to help us out, but you’re not trying at all.”

He did not just say that.

“What?” I rhetorically asked, standing up, poking his chest with my forefinger. “I am trying my best here. You’re the one who makes it impossible to have fun dancing. You’re making it a chore, sucking all the fun out it.”

“Then tell me what I should do for you to finally make some progress? We’ve been stuck at this part for two weeks, and you still haven’t learned how to turn right!”

“Then go ahead and find someone else who can put up with your shit. I’m out,” I spoke, bending down to pick up my stuff, ready to leave the studio. Unfortunately, before I managed to exit the practice room, the doors opened, and Seulgi walked in with a confused expression on her face.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” She asked in worry, trying to put two and two together. It wouldn’t be the first time Taeyong and I argued, but it seemed to be the most intense one so far. It didn’t sit right with her. “Please don’t tell me you fought again.”

Briefly, I summarized what happened, and Seulgi looked down at Taeyong disapprovingly. I was glad Seulgi took my side; after all, she knew Taeyong could be too demanding.

“I am a dancer, but why does it feel I am a couple counselor? You two really have to learn how to work together when I’m not around,” she scolded us, making her point. If this whole arrangement was to work out, we both needed to establish some ground rules and learn how to put our differences aside. “I have an idea.”

Oh, no.

There was something mischievous in her tone, and I didn’t particularly like it.

“Let’s finish for today,” she proposed, and I smiled, thinking it was a great idea. Taeyong and I needed some time to chill, and calling it a day seemed like an appropriate way to do it. “Let’s go out clubbing instead!” Seulgi added cheerfully, clapping her hands in excitement.

“What?” Taeyong and I asked in unison, a bit surprised by Seulgi’s statement.

“That’s my prescription for the two of you,” she started, and I rolled my eyes. Taeyong and I didn’t get along as well as she wished for us to, but it wasn’t that bad. We didn’t need to bond over a few drinks in a crowded club. We would do just fine if Taeyong learned to go easy on me. “I believe we all can benefit from clubbing.”

“How come?”

“First of all, it will remind Taeyong that dancing is about fun, not overworking oneself,” Seulgi spoke, and I hummed, agreeing with her. “Second of all, it’ll give you a chance to loosen up. Your moves are still a bit stiff during intimate parts of the choreography,” she added, and Taeyong nodded in agreement. “And I really need something to drink because wedding planning is stressful as fuck.”

Not even thirty minutes later, we were inside the club.

“It’s a very sensual song. And you two really have to work hard to convey emotions through your dance,” Seulgi started as she sipped her tropical cocktail. “You must feel comfortable around each other and just ooze longing and sexual attraction,” she added, and I almost choked on my drink.

Performing with Taeyong was going to be more difficult than I had anticipated. When Seulgi and Taeyong showed me the choreography, I was amazed. Absolutely blown away. The way their bodies moved in synchronization left me speechless, but at the same time, I was a little bit nervous because I didn’t see myself living up to their level.

I wouldn’t consider myself particularly sexy. It made me feel awkward when I thought how seductive the dance routine actually was. I wasn’t sure I could pull this off, but Taeyong still had a lot of time to teach me.

“Take her to the dance floor,” Seulgi elbowed Taeyong, almost spilling his drink. Unenthusiastically, Taeyong looked at me before standing up and extending his arm.

Drunken people were jumping around us to the rhythm, and I awkwardly swayed from side to side, staring at Taeyong. With godlike precision, he moved, getting lost in the music. One could tell straight away Taeyong was a professional dancer.

Upon noticing how stiff I was, Taeyong shook his head, yanking me against his lean body. “How about you take a five-minute break to get that stick out of your ass? You look like you have no joints,” he yelled into my ear, his breath tickling my sensitive skin.

“I’ve had too little alcohol,” I replied, but Taeyong wasn’t having it.

“When we perform on the stage, will you need alcohol to let loose too?” Taeyong challenged with a playful smirk, and I rolled my eyes, too prideful to admit he was right. I couldn’t participate in that competition drunk. We wouldn’t win if I wasn’t able to come out of my shell and show everybody I had a sensual bone in my body.

“No,” I yelled into Taeyong’s ear. “How do I let loose?” I asked, hoping to hear some words of wisdom from him.

“Mirror what I’m doing,” Taeyong guided, and I nodded, focused on my new task. I could do that. I had been mirroring Seulgi’s movements during our classes, and I was pretty good at doing it. I could copy Taeyong’s moves.

At first, Taeyong danced a few classic moves we usually did during our warm-up routine. It was easy, and I think I nailed it. Later, he wiggled his upper body, feeling the rhythm. With envy, I observed how his body executed every single move, owning it. I wish I was half as good as Taeyong. Next to him, I probably looked like a crippled kid.

Upon noticing my struggle, Taeyong began jumping around, throwing his hands in the air. He looked ridiculous, but I remained focused on my task, dancing as if I was his shadow. Our bizarre moves earned some attention from other people, but our eyes were trained on each other, slowly getting lost in our own bubble.

I was sober, and I was on my way to owning the dance floor. I couldn’t believe it was happening. Maybe Taeyong’s charisma overshadowed my poor attempts of showcasing mine; however, I was sure I made a big step in the right direction. Slowly, I was improving.

“How about we spice it up a little bit?” Taeyong shouted into my ear, and I cocked up my eyebrow, thinking what he meant by that. “Don’t be shy,” he added, yanking me against his body. Taeyong was so close I could feel his legs rub against mine. “Come on, sweetheart. Touch me, tease me, feel me up,” Taeyong snickered, getting on my nerves. Not only Taeyong was smug for no reason, but he also quoted the song, which I was slowly growing to hate.

Taeyong must’ve assumed I’d back out. Surely, he didn’t expect me to follow his instructions and actually run my hands across his chest, shoulders, and back while simultaneously swaying my hips, earning approving stares from impressed men on the dance floor. At first, he was surprised he talked me into it, but a second later, he smirked, resting his palms on my sides, slowly exploring the valley of my butt.

I had no idea I had it in me, but Taeyong helped me discover it. We were basically grinding against each other, and it somehow didn’t feel awkward at all. We were just two people having fun.

“I’m sorry I was so harsh on you,” Taeyong apologized, shouting in my ear. “I’m just stressful all the time, and I think I may sometimes take it out on you,” he added, and I looked at his face, which was dangerously close to mine.

“It’s understandable,” I replied as I wrapped my arms around Taeyong’s neck, finding it much more comfortable. Now with our bodies pressed together, it was easier to have a conversation. “I know how much you want to win this competition. I’ll try harder,” I promised, and Taeyong released a relieved chuckle.

Who would’ve thought an adult conversation would work better than shouting at each other?

“Thank you,” Taeyong spoke genuinely, and I pulled away, staring at his face. His eyes were trained on mine. No matter how many hours we had spent at the dance studio, his gaze still intimidated me sometimes.

“Ekhm, I need a break,” I said in a desperate need to break eye contact with him. The dance floor was crowded, and it was making me dizzy. I was getting dangerously hot, and it seemed like heaven to get back to our booth and finish our drinks.

“Of course, you need a break,” Taeyong teased, sending me a lopsided smirk. “It’s okay, though. We still have plenty of time to work on your stamina,” he added as he grabbed my hand, leading me out of the crowd. Carefully, we zigzagged around drunken people, trying to make it safely to Seulgi.

Unfortunately, by the bar counter, someone walked into Taeyong, almost knocking him down.

“I’m very sorry,” a man shouted, but I could sense the words weren’t genuine.

“Doyoung,” Taeyong spoke, gritting his teeth, staring at the other man. Taeyong’s grip tightened around my hand. I figured he didn’t particularly like Doyoung.

“Taeyong,” Doyoung sighed, checking Taeyong out from head to toe before his gaze shifted to me. There was something spiteful about his lingering eyes, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. For sure, there was some bad blood between two men, and I suddenly felt an urge to know more. Inquisitiveness got the best of me.

Taeyong and Doyoung kept glaring at each other almost as if it was a competition. The tension was so intense one could cut it with a knife. I cleared my throat in a poor attempt to break their stare contest, but they didn’t even acknowledge my presence.

“I saw your last performance,” Doyoung finally spoke, scoffing. “You’re getting out of it, and here I expected to kick your ass in the finale. I wouldn’t be surprised if you and your partner got eliminated next week.”

I thought I had seen Taeyong furious, but right now, I was proven wrong. The way he looked at me whenever I was a handful during our practice was nothing compared to the way he glared at Doyoung. Taeyong was scary, and I decided to not get on his wrong side ever again.

“I’d gladly kick your ass here, but I’d rather wait for the finale. You know what people say about prolonged gratification,” Taeyong talked back, and I gasped, trying to comprehend what I just heard. Taeyong was getting cocky, and it made me nervous. I was already stressed about the possibility of performing, and he just added more pressure on my shoulders.

“We’ll see about that,” Doyoung replied, focusing his scrutinizing gaze on me. “But I have to say I kinda look forward to seeing you cry again. The way I beat you the last time was spectacular.”

“Let’s go, Taeyong. Don’t waste your breath on him. He’s not worth it,” I exclaimed, pulling Taeyong’s hand, reminding him I was there the whole time. I couldn’t listen to Doyoung talk trash about Taeyong. If Taeyong wasn’t going to walk away by himself, I had to intervene and pull him aside. Doyoung was provoking him.

“And who is that?” Doyoung asked in a mocking tone, displeased by the way I looked at him. Though I didn’t know the back story, I took Taeyong’s side. At least, Taeyong didn’t try to humiliate his rival, while Doyoung had already tried a few tricks to tick Taeyong off.

“You’re right,” Taeyong said, looking at me. It was evident he was holding himself back, trying his best not to take the bait. “Let’s go,” he added, pulling me away from Doyoung.

“Who was that?” I asked as we approached our booth. Unfortunately, I didn’t get my response. Upon arrival, we noticed that Seulgi was sprawled on the table, giggling to herself.

“Is she always like this?” I inquired, concerned about how drunk Seulgi got in such a short amount of time. We were gone for thirty minutes tops, and she was barely conscious after drinking her and our drinks.

“Aww… there you are… my dear friends,” she cooed cutely, trying to attack Taeyong with cuddles. She was adorable, but it was kind of irresponsible to drink by herself when we were on the dance floor. Thankfully, nothing happened. We returned just in time to collect her and escort her home.

“I can’t believe my plan worked,” Seulgi grinned, pointing her finger at Taeyong. “You no longer have a stick up your ass,” she exclaimed at Taeyong, too drunk to realize she should be talking to me. “And look at you! You were having fun!” Seulgi yelled, extending her arms to hug me. “I am so proud of you!”

“I should take her home,” Taeyong reasoned, considering it the safest option. He could call an Uber for Seulgi or just phone her fiancée to pick her up but bringing her home himself seemed to be the most rational solution. “Will you be alright by yourself?” He inquired, and I nodded right away. It was sweet of him to look after me too. Thankfully, I barely touched my cocktail; I could get home safely on my own.

“Don’t worry about me,” I replied casually, sending him a reassuring smile. “Just make sure Seulgi makes it home safe,” I added, warming up at the way Taeyong hauled up Seulgi, carefully leading her out of the club. It made me wonder if Johnny did the same to me. Probably. He wouldn’t be that gentle, though. If anything, he’d throw me over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. Or just drag me out like a corpse.

“Give me a call once you get back home,” Taeyong demanded before we parted ways.

 ***

“You went clubbing without me?” Johnny dramatically asked after I told him everything that happened on the weekend. Despite my detailed narration, it seemed as if that was the only thing he caught on to. “How could you?”

“Relax, dude,” I rolled my eyes, shuffling around my desk, getting ready for work. It was Monday morning – it was about time we start our gossip routine.

“And I was wondering… would you mind helping me researching this shady dude? There’s some conflict between him and Taeyong. And I need to know what happened,” I started, wondering if Johnny would cooperate with me and put his stalking abilities to good use.

I was too embarrassed to ask Taeyong about Doyoung. Besides, I had a hunch he would either brush me off or scold me.

“Do you know anything about this dude besides his name?” Johnny pulled out his phone, no questions asked. “Please, don’t tell me that’s the only thing you know.”

“I mean… he’s probably a dancer,” I added with a sheepish smile, making Johnny heave a deep sigh. “He must be a big deal, though. Apparently, Taeyong lost a competition to him.”

“I’ll try to find some dirt, but it may be difficult given how little info you gave me,” Johnny declared as he began his thorough research.

It took Johnny five minutes to find the correct Doyoung. It was remarkable. If it wasn’t enough for the FBI to hire him, I’d gladly present them a recommendation letter. Quickly, I opened Doyoung’s profile on my phone, scrolling through his feed.

At first glance, Doyoung seemed to be a regular bratty internet star with an overgrown ego. His follower count was impressive. Studying his profile, I learned a lot about him. Unfortunately, it had no value. There was nothing specific about his conflict with Taeyong.

“How was your date with Wendy?” I asked Johnny as I gave up on my research. Whatever was the root of their bad blood would have to remain a mystery.

“It was fine,” Johnny started, but I could tell he wasn’t entirely honest. His disappointed tone betrayed him. “She left before the waiter brought the dessert. Apparently, she didn’t particularly like when I kept calling her Wanda.”

“Ouch.”

“No hard feelings, though,” Johnny shrugged it off, trying to focus on the positive aspect of their terrible date. “At least, I’ve had two slices of cheesecake. Besides, I’m kind of into Sooyoung from the creative team now. I think she is the one.”

“Every girl you’re into is the one,” I interjected, rolling my eyes, done with his antics.

“Oh, by the way, I’ve forgotten,” Johnny chimed in, staring at me in excitement. “Taeil asked me about you,” he revealed, and I almost spat out my morning coffee.

“What?”

“Are you still into him, though?” Johnny inquired, rubbing his temple in deep thought. “I haven’t heard you gush about him these days,” he pinpointed, and I wondered if my crush on Taeil was still as intense as it was a few months ago.

Taeil was insanely hot. I kept drooling whenever I saw him operate the printer. It was inappropriate to check him out whenever he bent down to change the ink, but I couldn’t help myself. Or whenever we met by the vending machine.

Good old times.

Right now, though, I rarely caught myself thinking about him. At first, I thought it was due to a hectic schedule. I was either at work or at the dance studio or getting shit-faced with Johnny on another wild adventure with him and his friends.

It was difficult to comprehend how easily my crush faded into thin air. Taeil was still sexy as fuck, but while I appreciate his looks, I wasn’t daydreaming how to get into his pants. At this point, I was just admiring his attributes in the most nonsexual way imaginable.

Apparently, the lack of response on my part was everything Johnny needed to confirm his suspicion.

“So what? Are you into Taeyong now?” Johnny asked boldly, and now, I actually choked on my coffee, thinking I heard him wrong. How did he jump to that conclusion?

“What?”

“Don’t get me wrong, but it kinda looks like you’re into him,” Johnny commented, playing with a pen. “You talk about him all the time with lots of passion. I think there’s something going on between you two. Is he single?”

“I talk about him all the time because I live to complain, and recently he’s the sole reason why I gotta vent,” I defended, but Johnny didn’t seem convinced. “And I don’t know if he’s single. I don’t really care,” quickly, I rejected all accusations, but in all honesty, his words got me wondering.

Was I attracted to Taeyong?

Surely, Taeyong was ridiculously attractive. He danced well, too. Unfortunately, we didn’t click much. There was passion between us, but it wasn’t romantically stemmed. We just kept annoying each other. I wouldn’t consider it sexual. We were just getting on each other’s nerves often, unable to properly solve our differences.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, honey,” Johnny teased, and I fought the urge to throw the stapler at him. “I bet fifty bucks you’ve imagined him naked, fucking you dumb.”

What the fuck, John???

I did not imagine Taeyong naked!

Not until now, at least.

“I seriously hate you right now,” I complained, deciding it’s about time I focus on work.

 ***

After Johnny had planted naughty thoughts in my mind, each dance practice was unbearable. My mind was running wild, coming up with different scenarios involving Taeyong and me in intimate situations. It was wrong on so many levels, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop.

After months of practicing the dance routine, we decided it would be best to make some changes to the choreography. Though it was still sensual as hell, with our hands roaming each other’s bodies, we found it crucial to accentuate Taeyong’s talents.

It was a strategic plan. While typically male dancers helped the female dancers shine, we put a little twist to it. Though our performance was still pretty balanced, Taeyong had a few crucial parts of choreography, in which he would snatch everybody’s hearts.

Seulgi didn’t object to our strategy. Well… she was never there, to begin with. Seulgi was a ghost, never present during our practice, always busy doing some last-minute wedding prep.

“Let’s take a five,” Taeyong hollered as he turned off the music, sending us off to a short break. It sounded weird when it came out of his mouth, but I didn’t complain. We’ve been practicing nonstop for the past hour. At this point, I was panting.

Lying down onto the floor, I rested my head on my towel, reaching for my phone. Quickly, I unlocked it to see a series of notifications from Johnny. He had sent me a link to a video, telling me in all caps to watch it.

Having left the earphones in the locker room, I played the video quietly through my phone’s speaker. It was a short film with Doyoung. It must’ve been his performance from last year’s competition. Jamming to the music, I studied his moves.

Doyoung was really good. I mean… it wasn’t professional expertise, but I could tell he had talent. His body control was impeccable, his hip thrusts must’ve impregnated plenty of women in the audience, but his shoulder rolls were just otherworldly. Along with the female dancer, they showcased quite the performance. From the beginning to the very end, I couldn’t look away, failing to notice Taeyong approach me.

“What the hell are you doing?” Taeyong shouted, tearing my phone from my hand, double-checking what I was watching. “Why are you watching this?” He angrily asked, locking the device, wishing for it to stop playing music.

It was difficult to explain.

I couldn’t exactly tell Taeyong that I asked my best friend to do research on Doyoung in hopes of finding out what was the root of their conflict. Though we had never found anything substantial, Johnny would send me more footage to check out. However, regardless of how much stuff Johnny had provided me with, I was still clueless.

“Why are you shouting at me?” I spoke, biting on my bottom lip. I was in big trouble, so it was only logical to play dumb.

Taeyong stared down at me, demanding a genuine answer. His jaw was tensed, his knuckles around my phone turned white. It was just a meaningless clip, but it got him fuming at me. Regardless of what I’d tell him, he wouldn’t like the answer. I figured this much.

“Why were you watching that?” Taeyong yelled, raising his hand, almost smashing my phone against the floor. Thankfully, he held back and gently put it on my bag.

It was incredible how much the video affected Taeyong. The movie worked on Taeyong like a red rag to a bull. One moment he seemed fine, but once he figured out what I was watching, he snapped.

“You really want to know?” I challenged as I rose to my feet, staring at him. It was my turn to raise my voice. If he kept shouting at me, I was going to give him the same treatment. “Ever since that night at the club, I was curious. You were basically throwing daggers at each other, and I really wanted to know what happened between you two. You never bothered to explain it, and I didn’t want to push you.”

“Do you have your answers now?” Taeyong exclaimed, and I rolled my eyes, agitating him even more with my fed-up behavior. He was scary right now, but I refused to let him intimidate me. “Or do you want to read my diary too?!”

I resisted the temptation of saying yes to his offering. Taeyong wasn’t the type of person to write a dairy. He was exaggerating, but I didn’t want to provoke him further. At any mention of Doyoung’s name, wrath took control over Taeyong, turning him into his destructive self.

“If it makes you feel any better, I know shit about him,” I confessed, throwing my hands in the air. “I wanted to know what he did to you, but I came up with nothing. And believe it or not, the way he treated you that night made me worry. You’re my dance partner, and I care about you a lot, and it really hurt me seeing you in distress,” I spat, not thinking about consequences. I was talking without filter, probably spilling too much information.

My verbal diarrhea confused Taeyong. His huge eyes were staring at me in astonishment. He was studying my expression, wondering if everything I said was true. Oh, no! My reckless words made him uncomfortable. He must’ve grown to hate now.

In embarrassment, I looked down at my shoes. I felt terrible, and I needed to come up with something clever to say to save my dignity and ease the tension. However, before I managed to voice my sincere apology, I felt Taeyong’s hands cup my cheeks as he surged forward and kissed my breath away. It was sudden, but I reciprocated the kiss in an instant.

Stress, anxiety, anger, sexual frustration, and probably many other factors led us to this very moment. I had been daydreaming about Taeyong’s mouth on mine for a while now. And when it finally happened, I eagerly swept my tongue across his lips, deepening the kiss. Though I had tried my best to withstand the tension between us, I wasn’t oblivious to it.

Taeyong already knew almost every inch of my body, so his hands naturally began roaming across my skin. Moaning into the kiss, he held me closer, keeping me pressed against him.

“Taeyong,” I breathed out as I pulled away, only for Taeyong to smash his lips against mine again, successfully shushing me. This time around, the kiss was even more passionate, making my knees weak. In a rush, Taeyong pushed me against the wall, pushing his thigh between my legs. “We shouldn’t,” I spoke, but my tone wasn’t convincing at all. I wasn’t even sure who I was trying to convince that it was a bad idea.

“Shut up,” Taeyong demanded as he tilted his face, sucking on my bottom lip. His hands were on my butt, kneading my flesh, trying to make me moan into his mouth. In all honesty, it worked. Maybe, I whimpered incoherent sounds, but it’s was just a poor attempt to encourage him to keep kissing me.

Regardless of how much he was to gift me, I needed more. I wasn’t going to stop until I’d take everything Taeyong was willing to give.

I craned my neck to the side, and Taeyong quickly caught on, leaving a wet trail down my neck. His lips were delicate, careful not to leave a mark, while his hips were grinding against me, letting me feel how stiff he already was.

“Legs,” Taeyong ordered, gently slapping my thigh. Obediently, I spread my legs apart, letting his hand cup my sex. It was ridiculous how horny he was making me. Once his raspy voice echoed in my ears, I fulfilled his wish, waiting for another command in excitement.

“Please,” I begged, needing more of him. Whatever he planned on doing to me, I needed it now. Whether he was to tease me with his beautiful fingers or fuck me raw with his cock, he better do it now.

“Patience, sweetheart,” he whispered against my skin, pressing feather-like kisses along my collarbone. His touch was driving me insane. His hands were everywhere but where I wanted them the most. This type of teasing should be illegal.

It was more than I could take, so I took matters into my own hands. I could play this game, too. With a mischievous smirk upon my face, I hooked my forefinger under the band of his tracksuit bottoms. Unfortunately, Taeyong quickly swept my hand away.

“You’re such a bad girl,” Taeyong commented before he captured my lips again, sliding his tongue into my mouth, knowing I’d talk back to him. “You have to do everything your way. Would it kill you if you listened to me at least once?” Taeyong muttered, staring into my eyes.

Yes, I was a brat. Taeyong wanted me to submit to him, and I would do it eventually, but not before I’d tease him first. What was fun in that?

“Don’t answer that,” he added, and I rolled my eyes. Though we barely hung out outside the dance studio, Taeyong learned a lot about me. Having an answer to everything was one of those things he had the pleasure of discovering.

“Just fuck me, please,” I said nicely, staring into his eyes, hoping it would be enough to make him cave. “I can’t take it any longer,” I added, rubbing my loins against his restrained cock, making him let out a guttural moan.

My plan was working. Slowly, Taeyong was giving in, probably taking his time to think about the consequences of letting me experience instant gratification. Orgasm would’ve been sweeter if he made me wait a bit more, but it was difficult for him to control his urges.

Without any doubt, Taeyong wanted to bury his cock inside of me as much as I wanted him to fuck me dumb. We withstood so many practices without jumping at each other – I should consider it foreplay.

“Fine, but I’m gonna eat you out first,” Taeyong spoke, and I almost lost it by just imagining his jaw going between my thighs. Swiftly, he knelt in front of me, pulling my leggings down to my ankles in one fluid motion. Having kicked off my gym shoes, I wiggled the fabric off my feet, sending it flying across the dance studio.

Taeyong ran his fingers across my panties, inspecting how soaked they already were. With a smirk upon Taeyong’s face, he pressed a chaste kiss against my skin above the waistband before he yanked the undergarment down.

“Beautiful,” he said under his breath before he surged his face, taking my clit between his gorgeous lips, making me tilt my head in pleasure. Frustration got me sensitive. Even the slightest touch got me purring in delight.

Taeyong licked and nipped at my entrance, and I run my hands through his hair, encouraging him to keep going. He flicked his tongue, and I buckled my hips, wanting more.

“I need your fingers,” I pleaded, looking down at him. Taeyong looked breathtaking, with my juices were dripping down his sharp jaw, with his lips turned into a satisfied smirk. He was proud of how he was making me feel. His glistening skin was the very evidence of his skillful moves. “Taeyong, please, I am so close.”

Though I didn’t expect him to, Taeyong listened to my humble request. His middle finger slid right it, making me purr in satisfaction. I could finally feel him inside of me, and it was heavenly. His palm moved quickly, working me up.

The first orgasm was building up. Taeyong was fucking me now with two fingers while his mouth was fiddling with my clit. If it wasn’t for Taeyong’s palm, holding me still, I’d buckle right into his face for more friction.

“I’m about to come,” I declared, shutting my eyes close. As tempting as it was to peek at the mirror on the other wall and check out the view of Taeyong eating me out, it was more than I could take. My instinct to squeeze my eyes shut and welcome the orgasm was too much.

Unfortunately, it didn’t happen.

Before tiny tingles of electricity could unite and explode, shooting through me like a lightning strike, Taeyong pulled away, denying me of my orgasm. It physically hurt when instead of a blissful peak, I felt nothing.

“What the fuck?” I barked angrily, ready to pull him by his hair against my sex and press him against me, so he could finish the job.

“We’re coming together, or we’re not coming at all,” Taeyong sternly replied, standing up. His lips were swollen from all the work he was doing, and they looked even more kissable.

“I’ve never pegged you for such a teaser,” I stated matter-of-factly, still a little bit butt-hurt over the way how smug he was about not letting me come first. Maybe I was a handful most of the time, but I didn’t do anything wrong to deserve such treatment.

“I’m not,” Taeyong chimed in, biting down on his lip. “There’s just something about you that makes me want to punish for your misbehavior,” he explained, and I got it where it came from. I wasn’t the best student he could work with. “Isn’t it the sweetest torture?” Taeyong challenged before he surged forward, smashing his lips against mine again, raising my thigh and giving it a gentle rub.

“Please, Taeyong, I need you inside of me,” I begged as I ground my sex against his rock-hard cock. I couldn’t comprehend how self-disciplined and patient he was; his budge was throbbing underneath his pants. It must’ve been painful for him, and he did all of that to teach me a lesson. “Fuck me, already.”

“Relax, sweetheart. I got you,” he softly spoke as he hoisted me up, pressing me tightly against the wall. “To be honest, I expected you to lose it sooner,” Taeyong added, and I hoped he was talking about my sanity. I endured more than enough; his teasing was too much.

“How should I fuck you?” Taeyong asked, looking around the practice room, seeking a perfect spot to stuff his cock inside of me. We didn’t have a lot of options, but I didn’t care. He could fuck me in the middle of the room, and I’d eagerly spread my legs for him. “Screw it,” he cursed, gently lowering me down onto the floor. “Do you mind?” Taeyong inquired, and I shook my head as I wrapped my legs around his hips, pressing him against me.

“Strip,” I ordered, and Taeyong smirked before he pulled his T-shirt over his head, revealing his lean physique. My eyes marveled at his beautiful shoulders and toned muscles. I had touched him more than I could count, but I never saw him bare, and when I finally did, I gawked.

“What about you, sweetheart? Come on, I am waiting,” Taeyong teased, and I took off my T-shirt. I was only in my sports bra, and Taeyong bit his lip, staring down at me, admiring my simple beauty. With no further comment, Taeyong leaned in, attacking my collarbone. It was hot how attentive he was, but right now, all I needed was his cock buried deep down my cunt.

Desperately, I reached to his sweatpants, palming his erection through the fabric. As soon as I touched him, Taeyong released a needy growl, rolling his hips into my hand, finally giving in to the pleasure. He lost his self-restraint, and now, he seriously needed to fill me up with his throbbing length.

“Take them off,” I breathed out, pulling by the hem of his pants. With a lowered head, Taeyong tsked before he yanked them down to his knees, wriggling out of them. Just as I expected, his cock urgently entailed my attention.

Though the thought of blowing him crossed my mind, I eventually decided not to entertain this idea too much. It was apparent Taeyong wanted to him inside of my pussy. I’d suck him dry on a different occasion. Hopefully, it would happen soon.

“Fuck me, Taeyong,” I moaned as I trembled when the tip of his cock brushed against my folds. I was embarrassingly sensitive after his ministrations, and he dared to tease me again. “Please,” I begged as I gave his length a few gentle strokes, aligning it with my entrance.

“Aaahh…” Taeyong growled, slowly pushing his dick inside of me. Inch by inch, he filled me up, stretching my walls. A lot of different sinful noises came out of his mouth as he began steadily thrusting his hips.

Taeyong’s stamina was no joke. It was hard to believe how long he could snap his hips without messing up his rhythm. His low voice mixed with my desperate moans echoed inside the room, creating a wicked symphony along with the sound of our sweaty bodies smashing against each other.

He was fucking me hard, and I was in seventh heaven. Taeyong was filling me up so good; I could come undone on his cock anytime.

“Taeyong,” I moaned his name as I watched him fuck me. Though it was hot to look at his cock disappear in my pussy, it was even sweeter to stare in the mirror. With my head turned to the side, I studied the whole picture how Taeyong was fucking me.

“I am coming,” I screamed as I felt the bliss approach. Taeyong was panting, struggling to maintain his tempo with the way my walls tightened around his sensitive cock. Once he hit my sweet spot, I was a goner. After a few thrusts, I came, digging my nails in his back.

“Fuck,” Taeyong cursed, shouting my name as he shot his load inside of me, collapsing on top of me. We were a breathless mess, our bodies sticking together, but neither of us minded. At this point, we were too spent to care. “You were incredible,” Taeyong whispered as he pulled out, rolling to the side.

“You weren’t that bad yourself,” I panted, giggling, still recovering from the mind-blowing orgasm. Thankfully, Taeyong didn’t pay much attention to my playful jab. “I meant it what I said,” I added, turning around to look at him.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Taeyong started, staring into my eyes, showing me his sincerity. “I just can’t help myself but get angry when I see him or hear about him,” he continued, and I nodded my head, letting him know I was willing to listen.

I didn’t expect that Taeyong would agree to vent to me, but when he did, I patiently heard him out. After all, I was pretty sure we were at least friends now.

“It all happened about a year ago. We were competing in the same contest, and he made my dance partner quit. Doyoung seduced her, toyed with her, and once the trophy was his, he dumped her. Because of him, I was disqualified, and she quit dance altogether.”

Listen to his story made me both sad and angry. Doyoung had been a dick to interfere like that – he must’ve known he hadn’t stood a chance against them in a fair fight. My blood was boiling in my veins as I put all the pieces together.

Sadness took over next. The way Doyoung had manipulated Taeyong’s dance partner was upsetting. The wound had been cut so deep, she couldn’t have forced herself to keep going. Doyoung had wrecked two lives, and it made my blood boil, too.

“We’re gonna beat him. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure we do,” I spoke, reassuring him. It was impossible to tend the wounds, but the least I could do is help Taeyong win. For what he had done, Doyoung deserved punishment. If I were Taeyong, I’d not hesitate to beat him up.

“I hope so,” Taeyong muttered, reaching for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’s still fine if we don’t. I’m pretty sure karma will get to him eventually,” he added with a sigh.

“I’ll work harder,” I declared, feeling an extra wave of determination wash through me. “I’ll try my best,” I said, and Taeyong smiled fondly, content to hear me say it.

“Thanks. It means a lot to me.”

For a while, we were staring at each other. It felt nice and somehow more intimate than all the fucking we had done. If we were in bed, I could do it all night. Unfortunately, we were still lying on the uncomfortable floor.

“Let’s get washed up before we get too sappy,” I added, trying to ease the tension. I really enjoyed it, but it was getting a little too much.

“I hope you don’t mind sharing the shower with me. You know… water bills are a bitch,” Taeyong spoke, and I giggled at his bullshit excuse, finding it incredibly cute, considering what we had been doing a few minutes ago.

“Of course they are,” I deadpanned, chuckling. Though his excuse was lame, I liked Taeyong enough to go with it. “Come on. Let’s go. I don’t want anyone to catch me naked.”

 ***

After that one time at the dance studio, Taeyong and I made it a regular thing. However, we kept it civilized. We wouldn’t jump each other’s bones in the open like animals like we had done the first time. Usually, we would go on small kind-of-dates, which consisted of picking up food, going to my or his place, and then rolling in the sheets.

We were having lots of fun. It was a perfect way to de-stress. After all, the finale was this Saturday, and we were nervous as hell. In all honesty, I was still scared, but these orgasms were numbing my anxiety.

“I think that’s it,” Taeyong spoke, and I smiled brightly, unable to contain my joy. It was the first time Taeyong ever approved of our performance. Most of the time, he was nitpicking, complaining about the slightest mistake, but finally, he was satisfied with it.

I was ecstatic; I never expected to live up to Taeyong’s approval. Through hard work and persistence, I managed to earn his eulogy.

“What should we do now? How about we order some food?” I asked, feeling in a celebratory mood. Maybe it was a little bit too early to drink to this small success, but it’s still worth a shot.

“We should do it again. We should dance it flawlessly at least a couple of hundred consecutive times before celebrating,” Taeyong seriously replied, and I rolled my eyes. Despite his painstaking nature, a couple of hundred times, it was a bit too much. Even for him. “Don’t give me that look. Let’s start again; five, six, seven, eight.”

Though usually, I’d complain and try to force him into a five-minute break, right now, I was oddly energized. We were dancing for the past two hours, and I was panting out of exhaustion. Nevertheless, the thoughts of finally mastering the choreography kept me going.

“I’m pretty good at this,” I confidently commented while roaming my hands across Taeyong’s shoulders before he twirled me around to the rhythm. I could tell that Taeyong was just waiting for an excuse to pause the music and scold me for making a mistake. However, much to his dismay, I executed every move impeccably. “I had a pretty good teacher,” I added, stroking his ego. The D-day was approaching, and Taeyong obviously needed an extra boost of confidence.

“I must admit you were a piece of work. I have no idea what kind of sorcery is this,” Taeyong teased, staring into my eyes. We had practiced the routine plenty of times; we could probably perform it in blindfolds and not make a single mistake. “I must be a magician or something.”

“Don’t push it,” I warned him in a very non-threatening tone, making him smirk. “But it’s only partially your success. Seulgi told me I have the it™ factor,” I proudly said, cracking Taeyong up, messing the choreography. “Is it a student-has-become-the-master kind of moment?” I asked, laughing at Taeyong. For the dance prodigy, he was getting distracted way too easily. It was suspicious.

With a broad smile upon his face, Taeyong grabbed my wrists, making me look at him.

“How about we finish up for today? I have a surprise for you,” Taeyong said, and I cocked my eyebrows, biting my bottom lip. “Not that kind of surprise,” he added, rolling his eyes at me. “We might get it on later, though.”

“What kind of surprise then?”

“Wait a second,” Taeyong spoke, quickly jogging out of the practice room. In a minute, he was back with a garment bag in his hands. “Here, that’s for you. Seulgi came in the morning to drop it off for you,” he explained, and I pulled down the zipper. It was going to be my costume for the contest, and I was curious how it looked.

I was speechless. At first, I thought it was a joke. I wouldn’t be able to perform in that. However, the more I looked at it, the more sense it made. It was a simple white suit shirt, but when mixed with a leather body harness, high-waisted shorts, and boots, it fitted the concept beautifully.

“Do you like it? I thought it was too revealing, but Seulgi insisted you would look amazing in it. I mean… it fits the mood, but if you’re not comfortable with it, we still have some time to find something else,” Taeyong blabbered, and my heart swelled. It was very sweet of him to consider my comfort above anything else.

“It’s skimpy, but it’s fine. I like it,” I replied, having no idea where my confidence was coming from. A few months ago, I’d be anxious to even try it on in the confines of my bedroom. However, now I was planning on showing a lot of skin on national television during prime hours on the weekend. I must’ve gone insane.

“Do you want to try it on?” Taeyong challenged, pulling the hangers out of the bag.

“You mean… here?!”

“Come on, it wouldn’t be the first time you took off your clothes in the middle of the practice room,” Taeyong concluded, smiling at me mischievously.

“Pass,” I firmly rejected his dare, even though it felt tempting. “It’s not fun when I’m doing it alone,” I added, and Taeyong grabbed the hem of his T-shirt, more than ready to discard his clothes in a blink of an eye. “Don’t fool around,” I warned him, placing my hand over his before he managed to take his T-shirt off.

“You’re right. Let’s go to my place first,” Taeyong agreed, zipping the bag before he grabbed my hand, leading me out of the practice room.

 ***

 On the day of the performance, I woke up with a terrible stomach ache. No matter how much fantastic sex Taeyong and I had, I was not mentally prepared to perform in front of the whole nation. I felt sick, almost as if my body was telling me to quit before I’d embarrass myself on national television. Stress was eating me from the inside.

“What are you doing up so early? Let’s go back to bed,” Taeyong purred in his raspy morning voice as he sneaked his arm around my waist, pulling me against him. “You need to be rested before the performance. Trust me, you don’t want a camera to catch you yawning,” he added, nuzzling his nose in the crook of my neck, breathing hot air against my skin.

“Thanks for giving me one more thing to stress about,” I deadpanned, heaving a deep sigh, staring at the ceiling. It was a mistake. I should have never agreed to Seulgi’s proposition in the first place. What the hell was I thinking? “I think it’s a bad idea. We should quit.”

Taeyong wasn’t in the mood for my nagging so early in the morning; he was having none of it. “You’re being ridiculous. We’ve practiced so much. We’re gonna win it with ease,” he declared, pressing a featherlike kiss against my jaw. “But for real,” he added, climbing on top of me, trapping me between his thighs, “we’re going to win. And even if we don’t, it’s fine. Really, if somehow we lose to Doyoung and his partner, I’ll just punch him backstage.”

“How can you say that?” I said with a sigh, running my hands across his thighs, finding it rather calming. “I know you said we should rest, but how about…” I trailed, and Taeyong smiled before eagerly capturing my lips, reading me like an open book.

“Say no more,” Taeyong whispered before his hands traveled under my shirt.

Unfortunately, Taeyong’s phone started buzzing on the nightstand before he managed to pull my panties down. With a groan, he extended his arm, staring at the screen.

“It’s Seulgi.”

“What are you waiting for? It’s her wedding day. Pick it up,” I yelled at him as I fell on the pillow, admiring his handsome face when he was talking to Seulgi.

“Please, not you, too,” he barked, rubbing his face in annoyance. Though I barely could make out what she was saying, I figured this much Seulgi and I were suffering from the same stress-fuelled illness. It was her wedding day, after all. Even if it was obvious she loved Irene with a burning passion, she wasn’t immune to pre-wedding anxiety.

Seulgi was talking her stress away, and Taeyong just hummed and nodded his head, registering her words. For some reason, the pressure didn’t seem to bother Taeyong at all. It was weird, but at least he was the voice of reason, which could help me and Seulgi cope.

“Breath in, breath out,” Taeyong spoke when Seulgi made a pause long enough for him to interject. “I know it’s a big deal, but there’s nothing to worry about. You’re getting married to Irene. You love her so much,” Taeyong reminded her, winking at me, expecting Seulgi to end the call soon. “Everybody’s a little nervous; it’s completely normal.”

It was beautiful how close Taeyong and Seulgi were. They had each other’s backs in all types of situations.

About ten minutes later, Seulgi finally calmed down. Taeyong’s reassuring words swept the anxiety away, and she was more than ready to get married to the love of her life.

Once Seulgi hung up, Taeyong threw his phone on the bed and secured my legs around his hips before he leaned forward, giving me a quick kiss. “Seulgi says hi, by the way,” he added, sneaking his hand under the hem of my panties.

“What?”

“What do you mean what?” Taeyong looked down at me, creasing his eyebrows in confusion.

“She knows?” I yelled, unable to comprehend how, on Earth, Seulgi figured out I was in Taeyong’s bed. She couldn’t know. She wasn’t even there when our romance bloomed. “How?”

“Yeah, is it a bad thing, though? You didn’t want to fuck me in secret, did you?” Taeyong challenged, not really answering my inquiry. Did Seulgi figure it out on her own? Or did Taeyong told her about us? And, the biggest question mark was: what were we to begin with? “Seulgi must have some sort of sixth sense. She was bothering me about the sexual tension between us since day one of your training.”

“I wouldn’t call it sexual tension per se, but there was something going on,” I replied, reminiscing how rocky our beginning was. “But I think we were interrupted…” I reminded him, and Taeyong with a playful smirk on his face dived right between my thighs.

 ***

 The streaming should begin at 8 p.m., but we had to arrive before 5 p.m., so the make-up artists and stylists could prepare us for the performance. Sitting in that chair and waiting for all pampering to be over with was stressful as fuck. I tried to preoccupy myself with an idea of Taeyong, but whenever someone threw a question in my direction, I was being pulled out of my train of happy thoughts.

I wanted to get on the stage and be done with it. Unfortunately, whoever funded that contest didn’t think of the mental health of its participants when making today’s schedule.

Punctually, the show began its transmission at 8 o’clock. However, at the very beginning, the MC had to introduce all sponsors. Going through them took him about twenty minutes. Then, they interviewed some of the eliminated dancers, asking them questions either about their experience in the competition or simply who they thought would win.

Later, they decided to rewind the contestants’ moments in the show. At first, they showed Doyoung and his partner, and a few experts analyzed their performance, wondering what the odds of them winning were.

When the host announced the rewind of Taeyong’s and Seulgi’s stages, the jury only talked about the sudden switch up, confirming it was the first time it ever happened in the grand finale. It startled a lot of people why would Seulgi drop out, but Taeyong explained it in a brief interview.

“It was a crazy coincidence, but Seulgi couldn’t participate today because she is getting married today,” Taeyong revealed, and the audience cooed loudly, obviously supporting her choice. “I was stressed at first, but Seulgi found an amazing dancer to take her spot. She really chose well,” he added, and I looked at him, trying not to cry in front of everyone.

It was almost impossible to fish out a compliment from Taeyong during practice, but right now, he did it on his own accord, melting my heart with his words.

“Everybody is dying to know more about your partner,” the MC started, shifting his attention to me. I didn’t particularly like to be put in the spotlight, but before I managed to spit some nonsense, Taeyong butt in, rescuing the day.

“Although she doesn’t have much experience in dance competitions, I think she’s a great dancer. To think of it, she is my secret weapon,” Taeyong added, and I almost ran into his arms, feeling too overwhelmed by his speech.

“Alright then, let’s see what you got after a short commercial break,” the MC cheerfully announced before I bolted out of the stage as I felt the stress crept into my head.

“Calm down,” Taeyong softly spoke as he approached me, holding my hand, drawing circles with his thumb. “You’ve got this. Just focus on me,” he added, flashing me a reassuring smile before kissing my knuckles.

“Awww… isn’t it adorable?” Someone snickered, and I didn’t need to turn my head around to know it was Doyoung. He was like a venomous snake, trying to sneak into our subconscious and make us even more anxious. It couldn’t be fair play.

“Buzz off,” I barked as I didn’t want to let him tick Taeyong off. Taeyong was my safety pin, and I didn’t want him to go full rage on Doyoung. Their backstage battle would make it to the news, but I’d rather prevent it from happening.

“With Seulgi on your arm, I was giving you a five percent chance of winning,” Doyoung started, ignoring my warning. “Now, when she’s gone, I won’t even have fun beating you on the stage,” he added, and I almost surged forward to punch him. If it wasn’t for Taeyong, who held me in my place, I’d definitely rearranged Doyoung’s face.

“Don’t let him get into your head,” Taeyong whispered into my ear, and I nodded my head, sighing. Then, it struck me. Doyoung’s motive wasn’t to mess with Taeyong but with me. He knew I was the weakest link, and he wanted to guarantee his victory by making me doubt myself. His words rung in my head, but one look at Taeyong helped me relax. We had practiced it a thousand times; there was not a chance I would make a mistake.

“Come on. Let’s go. They’re calling us out,” Taeyong mused, pulling me towards the stage.

The silence filled the auditorium when we got on the stage, taking our respective places. I stole a glance at Taeyong – he was mouthing words of encouragement seconds before the MC announced our performance.

I can hear it callin'

Loving the way you wanna talk

Touch me, tease me, feel me up

Callin', something in the way you wanna talk

On two sides of the stage, we moved to the rhythm, telling the story of two strangers lusting over each other from afar. With hunger in our eyes, we tried to seduce each other with sharp movements, showcasing our attributes.

You got me sayin', you got me sayin'

How you doing? Tell me what's your name (Ey, tell me what's your name?)

What's your sign? Feeling like you are into me

Taeyong ran up to me like a man enchanted by the siren’s voice, rolling his body against mine. It was his moment to shine; everybody’s eyes were on him as he owned the stage with his overflowing charisma.

Baby, we're two distant strangers

I know you don't speak my language

But I love the way she's talking to me (Talking to me)

I can hear it callin' from where you are

Loving the way you wanna talk

Touch me, tease me, feel me up

Touch me, tease me, feel me up

It was a classic game of cat and mouse. Though our bodies were so close to each other, we moved in perfect synchronization, careful not to brush against each other. The chemistry between us was undeniable, and the feeling of yearning was visible from the very last row.

Max, max, max, we can have it all (To the max)

If you back, back, back, back, back it up (Back it, back it)I'll take you where you wanna, got the gas in the tank (Wow)

If you really wanna make it last (Git, git, git)

Finally, as the song slowly progressed to the end, we were showing intense frustration. We were portraying two individuals, yearning for intimate contact, who were hastily losing their minds over uncontrollable passion.

I can hear it callin' from where you are (Callin', woo)

Loving the way you wanna talk (Love the way you talk)

Touch me, tease me, feel me up (Yeah, yeah)

Touch me, tease me, feel me up

The song was to end soon. The last chorus rolled in – it was our cue. After all teasing, we finally made the connection, ready to combust out of raw craze. After three minutes of painful longing, we were to reach completion.

I can hear it callin' from where you are (Callin', woo)

Loving the way you wanna talk (Love the way you talk)

Touch me, tease me, feel me up (Yeah, yeah)

Touch me, tease me, feel me up

It was all or nothing. We were finally together, touching each other with fervor.  The audience was eating our performance up – particularly when Taeyong showcased his flexibility and body control.

Tell me how you like it babe (How you)

I don't even know your name (How you, ey)

I love the way you're talking to me

It was finally time to finish our performance with a bang; we needed to show something spectacular, something Doyoung wouldn’t ever think about. As the singer began the last verse, it was my cue to run into Taeyong’s embrace. The second the last syllable rolled of the singer’s tongue, Taeyong caught me in his arms, and the lights went out to add a dramatic twist to our performance.

For a while, the audience was silent. However, a few seconds later, they roared in excitement, clapping loudly, showing how much they enjoyed our stage.

The MC was congratulating us, but I was too thrilled to register his words. I still couldn’t believe I performed on national television and didn’t trip and smash my face.

I had no idea how I found myself backstage, but there was a high chance Taeyong led me off the stage. I was too overwhelmed to do it on my own.

I even forgot that Johnny, together with Yeri – the love of his week, had backstage passes. I only remembered that when he wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug, congratulating me.

“You gotta quit that office job and start dancing professionally,” Johnny ordered, and I smiled, glad that he enjoyed my performance. “We both gotta quit. You’ll be dancing, and I’ll be a badass FBI agent.”

“You two were great,” Yeri politely said when Johnny let me go. “Thank you so much for letting me backstage.”

“No problem,” Taeyong replied as he grabbed my shaking hands. “Are you okay?” He asked, cupping my face, making me look at him. “You rocked the stage,” he added before he leaned forward to peck my lips.

Ignoring Johnny’s perplexed expression, I wrapped my arms around Taeyong in a comfortable hug. I hadn’t suitably introduced Johnny to the concept of me dating Taeyong, but hopefully, our interaction got the message across.

Emotions were slowly fading away, but I still needed Taeyong’s support. I was a rookie, and I had no experience with this type of stress. Something was calming about Taeyong’s aura; I couldn’t pinpoint what exactly, but I wasn’t going to question it.

“Anticipation is killing me,” I muttered against his skin. “Can he already go on that fucking stage?” I yelled, wondering why Doyoung’s performance didn’t start yet. I knew the MC was building up tension, but it was too much for me to handle.

“We could always skip,” Taeyong casually spoke, and I pulled away to look at him. What the hell was he talking about? I hadn’t agreed to help him out, so we didn’t wait until the end. “If we lose, we lose. If we win, your friend can accept the prize, can’t he?”

“Are you insane?”

“Maybe a little bit,” he answered with a bright smile, brushing stray hair off my forehead. “I just want to know the result already so we can go to Seulgi’s wedding and congratulate them,” he added, and I nodded my head. Though we couldn’t participate during the ceremony, the least we could do was to show up ridiculously late to the reception.

“Can they hurry the fuck up now?” I craned my neck, trying to find Doyoung and his partner. They were arguing about something right behind the curtain. Everything seemed they weren’t in the right headspace.

“I don’t think I want to see their performance,” Taeyong whispered, tightening his grasp on my waist. “How about a quickie in the dressing room? What do you say?” He proposed, and I smacked him, telling him to behave. It was tempting, but we really shouldn’t. I wouldn’t walk up that stage with messed-up post-sex hair.

“Get a grip,” I added, gently elbowing him. “Let’s just hit the snack table. I am hungry,” I spoke, pulling him away when the MC invited Doyoung and his dance partner onto the stage.

While munching on snacks, we stared at each other fondly. In some weird way, we were helping each other cope with anticipation and stress. Though it was tempting to check out their performance, we decided it was for the better if we didn’t.

They performed to “Hips Don’t Lie,” and it was almost impossible to turn my head around to check out Doyoung’s sick moves. Having considered all the videos I had seen of him, I was sure he looked gorgeous.

“What about a little peek?” Taeyong questioned, unable to control his urge to see his rival’s performance. “I thought I could endure it, but I can’t,” he added, and I nodded, giving in. Instantly, we ran to the nearest screen to watch their stage.

It was everything I imagined. Their moves were executed with precision and grace, but entertainment-wise, I was bored. They had the skills, but something about the general concept didn’t fulfill my expectations.

No matter how great of a dancer Doyoung was, he just could not pull this song off as the original artist did. Regardless of how hard he swayed his hips, it just didn’t live up to its potential. Though I wasn’t educated enough to give an honest review, it felt meh.

The audience in the studio whistled and shouted once they finished their performance, giving them a round of applause. With genuine smiles, Doyoung and his partner bowed before they ran off the stage.

Now, only thirty minutes of aggressive advertising, and we would know the winner.

“Is it too late to agree to that quickie?”

“You should’ve said so earlier,” Taeyong answered with an innocent smile as he reached to hold my hand. “The best I can do is cuddles,” he added, leading me to the couch, letting me rest my head on his shoulder. “It feels nice.”

“It does, but it doesn’t take my mind off things like a quickie would.”

“Don’t even try. I am not going on that stage with a boner in my pants,” Taeyong warned, peeling my hand off his thigh, pressing a delicate kiss against my knuckles.

Though it wasn’t as preoccupying as sex, it was still nice. And most importantly, it took our minds off the unbearable anticipation. A staff member actually needed to gently shake Taeyong’s shoulder to remind us that the MC was calling us to the stage.

Taeyong’s hand didn’t leave mine once we were waiting for the big reveal. It was fine if we lost. Next year, Seulgi and Taeyong would definitely make it to the top.

When the MC announced the winner, a few confetti bombs exploded. The audience roared in excitement, but I had no clue what was going on. Uncertainty was over – one of us won.

Stress, anticipation, and anxiety slowed down my reactions. However, I figured it would be weird if Taeyong picked me up and spun me around in his arms if we lost. It could only mean one thing – we did it.

We won.

Taeyong’s acceptance speech was short and simple. He thanked everyone who succored him discover his passion for dancing, who supported him throughout his dream, who directly helped him get this far, and me.

When I was handed the microphone for the first time that evening, I basically rephrased Taeyong words. Maybe it wasn’t my dream, but it felt damn good to assist Taeyong in achieving his. It was a bumpy road, but overall, it was all worth it.

The MC handed me a statue after shaking my hand, congratulating me once more. Taeyong, on the other hand, was gifted a huge check for 20 thousand dollars.

“Let’s go,” Taeyong whispered to me, running off the stage with me.

 ***

It was shortly before midnight when the Uber parked in front of the hotel where Seulgi’s and Irene’s reception took place. It was beautifully decorated with lights and flowers, making it look like a magical castle.

Though the security didn’t want to grant entrance, one of Seulgi’s aunts recognized Taeyong and told the man to let us in. She was nice enough to help us out, but she still found some time to glance disapprovingly at my stage costume. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gossiped to her entire family I was a prostitute.

As soon as we walked into the ballroom, Seulgi noticed us. She was sitting by the table, eating the wedding cake with Irene. In an instant, she rose from her chair and ran up to us, throwing herself on Taeyong’s neck.

“You won! I knew it!” She shouted as she gave Taeyong a bone-crushing hug. “Irene and I sneaked out for a while to watch your performance. You smashed them,” Seulgi added before she turned to me, congratulating me too.

“You were amazing,” Irene approached us, sending a polite smile. Unlike Seulgi, Irene was much calmer and collected.

“You are finally married,” Taeyong spoke, beaming. “You better have everything recorded. I gotta know every embarrassing thing that I missed,” he added in a teasing manner, earning a playful jab from Seulgi. “I bet you cried during your vows.”

“Congratulations,” I chimed in, breaking their friendly banter before it properly started. It was Seulgi’s wedding day, after all.

After we caught up, Seulgi and Irene walked off to the dance floor, leaving us by the table alone. For a while, we admired them. They looked absolutely stunning in their white suits, dancing, basking in happiness.

“Do you know where the gifts are held?” I inquired suddenly, looking around.

“Why? Did you have time to get them anything?” Taeyong asked before he stuffed his mouth with a chocolate glazed strawberry. “Or are you thinking of stealing some?”

“I just want to give them my part of the prize,” I started, making Taeyong choke on the fruit. “Seulgi’s the rightful winner, and I think it’s only right.”

“Are you sure? It’s a lot of money.”

“Yeah, I know, but I really want to do that,” I replied, fiddling with my fingers. “I don’t need this money, so I want to give it to her.”

“You’re so hot right now,” Taeyong said, making me turn my head in embarrassment. “If that’s what you really want to do, do it. But remember, you earned it.”

“I am sure.”

“Then let me spoil you with my prize,” Taeyong offered, staring into my eyes. At first, I thought he was joking, but when his gaze didn’t even falter, I understood how serious he was. “Well… look at that. What are the odds?” Taeyong spoke as a familiar melody echoed within the walls of the grand ballroom. “It’s our song. Shall we dance?”

Having glanced at Seulgi, who whispered something to the DJ, I smiled at Taeyong. Though I was sick and tired of Love Talk already, it was kind of our song. We had been listening to this song too much, and regardless of how good it was, the prospect of it being our anthem terrified me.

“One last time,” I gave in, accepting Taeyong’s invitation, letting him lead me to the dance floor. Despite having mastered the choreography to it, I just wrapped my arms around his neck, slowly waltzing to it.

“That’s nothing like we practiced,” Taeyong pinpointed, and I chuckled, shaking my head. “I don’t mind, though. It’s comfy,” he added as his hands found purchase on my hips.

“Seulgi doesn’t look pleased. She didn’t expect us to perform, did she?” I whispered into Taeyong’s ear, hugging him closer. “Also, it can’t be our song. We have to change it; the sooner, the better,” I complained, but Taeyong just chuckled into my ear, humming softly.

Instead of giving me an actual answer, Taeyong decided to sing it.

“I love the way you're talking to me.”

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 17

So, as promised, part 17 is her.

Be prepared to submerge our bird boy with hugs, he will need them.

I promise the chapter will end in fluff and in a good note. The angst is only for the beginning. I need to douse it a bit since from ch 19 onwards the angst gremlin will be back with a vengeance.

I hope you will love it.

A big hug to all the people who commented, reblogged or loved this fic. Thanks to all of you.

A week had gone by and Aelin and Rowan had taken the official decision to try and go back and both deal with the mess of their lives. 

The week had been perfect. Rowan had taken her hillwalking everyday and slowly she had started to feel like herself again. His presence had helped immensely. In a very short time he had become her rock. Full recovery was still a long way ahead but she felt better and with him at her side she had no more panic attacks or nightmares. 

She felt sad at the idea of leaving the cottage in the mountains but they had promised to go back for some special occasion.

*

It was morning and Rowan was getting ready to go back to work. They had set a date for the inquiry on his student’s death and that would be the day.

For once Aelin was the one worried one. She could not forget his reaction to the movie or the night he came back drunk after Fuzzy’s death. She knew he had put up a wall but hoped he would at least let her in. 

“What are you going to do?” He asked her while adjusting his tie.

“I have a meeting with Dorian and the counsellor and then I will pop in at the station and say hi to the squad and apologise.”

“Good.” His tone was detached and she moved a step to him and hugged his waist from behind “are you okay?”

He sighed “nervous. This will mean revive the entire accident over and over again.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He shook his head and kissed her “thanks for the offer but I will be fine. My squadron will be there and you have an important meeting as well.”

“Ok,” she wanted to believe him, but could not ignore his cold detached tone and Aelin had learned that it was his coping mechanism. He was not okay.

-

Rowan arrived at the airforce HQ and was met by Lorcan.

“Sir,” he stood to attention.

“At ease captain,” Rowan stood down from attention and placed his hands behind his back in a at rest pose “I am sorry it’s so quick. I knew you were coming back yesterday and I did manage to hold on until today.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Are you sure you are ready?” And for once Rowan heard concern in his CO’s voice “this is going to be brutal.”

“I know.”

“I am on the board too and we have Captain Walker from the 24th squadron and Captain Matthews from the 31st and two engineers. They have all copies of the inquiry sent to the board.”

“Who is the president?”

“Marshal Clark.” Said Lorcan in a preoccupied tone.

“Fuck. The man hates me with a vengeance.”

Rowan sighed again and sat on the bench just outside of the room used for the meeting.

His squad arrived a moment later and they patted each other’s back in support.

“We are all here.” Gavriel told him taking a seat at his side.

“Thanks everyone.”

One of the assistants appeared on the door and announced the board was ready to convene. Rowan quickly texted Aelin and switched off his mobile.

The marshal, being the president, was in the centre of the seating area. Rowan went to greet the other two captains with whom he got along nicely and had known for a long time. Then he went to the marshal and saluted as expected “at ease captain.”

Rowan went to his assigned seat and flipped through the folder in front of him. It contained all the documents they needed. His report of the accident, the reports from the engineering team and other supporting evidence.

Marshal Clark called everyone to attention and declared the board in session. He then proceeded to explain to the members the accident that had happened.

One of the engineers who had performed checks after the aircraft had been recovered was asked to present his findings “after the analysis of the recovered aircraft and after having studied the dynamics of the accident we have found out that the main cause for the engine failure was a disruption in the airflow in the port intake causing it to stall with enough yaw rate to induce a flat spin. Cadet Williamson, according to the records of the accident, flew in the jet wash of one of his classmate’s aircrafts. That caused the airflow disruption. The stall was unrecoverable.” explained the engineer reading from his report “with regard to the canopy, we have found a fault in some model of jets used by the students where the charges did not operate correctly, causing the canopy to separate incorrectly. All those planes are grounded and now being checked.”

“Thank you.” Said the marshal, then his gaze turned to Rowan “Captain Whitethorn, stand please.”

Rowan did so.

“Could you please re tell the board the events that lead to the death of the cadet?”

Rowan took a deep breath and retold step by step what happened. It was still vivid in his mind that it would take ages before he could forget it.

“Did you tell the cadet to eject?”

“I did, sir.”

“Why?” Asked the marshal with inquisitive tone.

“He had lost control of the aircraft. From the black box retrieved from his jet he had pulled 9g after he started spiralling. From my position I could see that he was about to pass out. Ejecting the seat had been the safest option. Little did I know that the canopy would fail.”

The two other captains nodded in agreement, knowing full well that they would have suggested the same thing.

“Would the cadet have survived if he had more high G training?”

“Sir,” Rowan almost growled at his superior “his jet was under 9g for almost ten seconds before crashing in the water. Not even an experienced and highly trained pilot can sustain or survive that.” He breathed again “and you know better than me that centrifuge training can be done only with some weekly limits due to its dangers.”

“Had the cadets received basic procedures on how to properly eject and when?”

“Yes, sir. It’s one of the first things they are taught. They are shown how to properly deploy their parachute and how to blow the canopy. Training is also done in different conditions to simulate possible combat scenery.”

“Training was not the issue here,” said Lorcan going in Rowan’s support “Captain Whitethorn is one of our most experienced instructors and hundreds of students have survived his crushing training and are still alive today because of what he has taught them.”

“The post mortem also backed the cause of death in the crash of the body against the canopy.” Added captain Matthews.

“What kind of training were you doing that day?” The marshal continued, ignoring the protests.

“We were going through some basic dogfight routines. The cadets were only five months out of the academy so we were just covering the basics as per fighter school curriculum.” Answered Rowan who felt lost all of a sudden.

“Would the manoeuvre you had practiced put the boy in a position to be in another jet’s wake? Didn’t you teach them how to stay away from the jet wash of another aircraft during a dogfight?” The marshal had an agenda, that was very clear to Rowan. He was trying to blame this on him.

Captain Walker stood angrily “why are we attacking captain Whitethorn? The problem was that the engine stalled due to the jet wash from another aircraft. An experienced fighter might have been able to find a way out of such deadly spiral, the gods know I have found myself in that situation and got out of it by pure damn luck. Not a cadet five months out of the academy. It’s our job to teach them such manoeuvres but only after they have mastered the basics.” He sat down again nodding at Rowan.

“A good instructor would have taught his students how to fly in close formation and to avoid the wake of a team mate. A captain should know what such manoeuvre could cause.” Continued the marshal who had taken the fight to Rowan.

Lorcan stood angrily “That is enough.” He shouted.

“I would suggest you to sit down, Air commodore.”

“Not when you accuse my best instructor of being the cause of the death of a student.”

“It is my job as president of this board to try and figure out what happened.”

“I told two of my students they were too close. I advised another one not to drop below hard deck. I care about the safety of my students.” Rowan almost growled at the marshal “also, I stand by my decision to order cadet Williamson to eject. Had the canopy worked he’d be alive now.”

The marshal nodded and with a bored expression he then went back to the engineering team and they discussed the canopy issue.

Rowan let them talk and his brain disconnected completely and tried to ignore the pain from what had just transpired.

He sat in silence listening to the rest of the board discuss in the background. 

The marshal eventually called the board to attention “Following the evidence provided by the engineering team and the testimony of captain Whitethorn I declare that the death of cadet Williamson was caused by the port engine stall due to airflow disruption in the intake. The commission also noted that the flat spin in which the cadet went in was not recoverable. Captain Whitethorn is cleared of any faults.” Rowan noticed the disappointment on the man’s face for the fact the had been cleared of any faults.

The marshal then turned to Lorcan “Commodore, I expect you to keep the students grounded until the training jets have been fixed.”

“Yes, sir.”

“The board is dismissed.” Clark stood and walked out.

The other two captain went to Rowan “I had no idea the bastard would try to blame you for this.”captain Matthews added with fury.

“I would have told my students to eject as well. It was the only option.” Added captain Walker.

But Rowan was not listening. It hurt too much, knowing that someone had tried to blame the death of his student on him. That the marshal had to question all of his choices and possibly his training methods.

Lorcan and his squadron were at his side as soon as the room was clear.

“The arsehole has some guts.” Commented Fenrys but Gavriel elbowed him.

Rowan stood in a daze and left the room ignoring the voices of his team calling him.

*

Aelin’s meeting with Dorian and the counsellor had gone better than she expected. Thanks to Rowan she had been able to open up and talk to them about what happened and how she had been before her escape and what had prompted her to flee. She admitted to them her fears.

She felt much better but she had confessed that she did not feel ready to go back in action. She felt okay about going back to the station and work from the office but was not ready yet to be in a fire. She was still too scared for that and Dorian and the counsellor accepted her admission.

So they had agreed for a transition period. Aelin was told as well to attend weekly sessions with the counsellor to track her progress and her mental health recovery. She would be on desk duty for a while and after that, Dorian was willing to send her back out but just at his side in a fire emergency allowing her again to be close to the fire scene and if that went well they could work on a plan on sending her back in. 

She had agreed with the final decision and had left the room with a smile and a light heart. She stopped in the corridor to check her phone but no news from Rowan. The meeting should be over by now. She hoped he was okay.

Happily she drove back to her squad and everyone was eager to catch up with her. Then Aedion stopped in front of her “never again,” he told her and Aelin went for a hug. He remained stiff for a moment, then his arms enveloped her in a bear hug “looks like your captain fixed you up nicely.”

“Hey, I would recover from anything if I had such man looking after me.” Said Ansel and everyone laughed.

“He has been nice to me.” But all she could think was his face from that morning.

 *

Rowan had been walking without a direction for a while now. He felt as if he had lost his rudder, he had spent the last twelve years of his life working for people who had been ready to blame on him the death of a student. He looked at his uniform and for the first time since he had worn it he felt no pride in it. He had been so tempted to resign his wings on the spot. No matter that he had been cleared, it stung so much, even if it had been the opinion of one man.

It had been too much. He knew the marshal was never a fan of his. The first student he had lost had been his son. But at the time as well the board had declared it had not been his fault. It had been the pilot’s mistake. The marshal never forgave him. Seeing him again at a board for a student’s death he had probably tried to punish him for what happened to his son.

In the distance he spotted a pub and decided that a drink might help. He got in and sat at the counter and ordered a whisky, but once the drink was in front of him he could not drink it. In his current state he would spiral down again to the same level of self destruction of many years before when he lost the marshal’s son and he could not do that again. He could not put Aelin through that pain.

So he did the only sensible thing. He called her.

Aelin was in the common room with the squad and they were having fun and the guys were telling her about some of the calls they had and then they were teasing Luca and his upcoming exam.

She was about to tell them to stop picking on him when her phone went off. It was Rowan and her heart stopped. 

She quickly left the room and went outside, sitting on the bumper of one of the engines “hey,”

“Hi,” his voice was low and flat and she feared for him.

“What’s wrong.”

Silence.

“Ro, are you okay?”

“No.”

Shit. She stood and started pacing “where are you?”

“At a pub.”

“Which one.”

He told her the name.

“I am coming. Just stay there.” And closed the conversation and almost laughed at the irony of the situation. A week before she had been at the receiving end of such conversation.

She ran back to the squad “guys, I need to go. Rowan. It’s not good. I just have to go…”

She didn’t even wait for an answer. She just rushed back to her car and drove to him. He did not sound drunk so maybe it was not all lost.

She arrived at pub not long after and stormed in. Rowan was sitting at the counter staring at a glass of whisky in front of him.

“Ro.” She walked to him and his green eyes fell on her. There was pain in them, so much pain.

“You are not drunk,” she told him.

“He ordered the whisky two hours ago and had been staring at it ever since.” Said the bartender.

“Hey,” she caressed his head and he closed his eyes at the touch “what happened?”

He shook his head “not here.” He stood and Aelin followed then came back and chugged down the abandoned whisky and went after him.

He was walking away and she ran after him “wait, you have long legs, damn you.” He extended an arm behind him and Aelin grabbed his hand “fine, we are outside, spill the beans.”

She definitely had no tact.

He walked silently a bit longer until they reached a small park and he sat down on a bench and Aelin took a spot at his side never letting his hand go.

And then he told her. Everything that had happened in the room. The results of the inquiry, the marshal’s accusations. The identity of the first student he had lost and his desire to quit.

“I wanted to throw my wings in the marshal’s face.” He looked down dejected “I feel lost now. I want to go back to my students, I owe it to them, to teach them how to be safe. But everything else… I don’t care about it anymore.” his head leaned against her shoulder and Aelin brushed his head with her hand and kissed it tenderly “Ro, how can I help you?”

Rowan turned his head to her and she thought his eyes were wet with tears “what you are doing just now is enough. Having you with me helps.”

“Do you need to go back to the airbase now?”

Rowan nodded sadly.

“Ok, I’ll drive you.” Aelin stood and Rowan followed but before moving he pulled her to him and drew her in for a kiss “I love you.” He said quietly.

She flicked his nose “let’s go.” She offered him her hand and together they walked back to her car.

They arrived at the airbase not long after “do you need me to come in?”

Rowan shook his head “my team is there. I will be fine. Gav will stop me from doing anything stupid.”

“Good. I am going back to the station.” She leaned forward to kiss him “Will you be okay? I am worried about you.”

“I am a big boy.” He joked.

“Ro…”

He leaned forward and kissed her “I do love so much when you call me Ro like that…”

Aelin smiled against his lips “don’t do anything stupid and tomorrow you can ravish me all you want. You can even be super creative.”

“How can I refuse such proposal?” He kissed her again “I will be fine.” His hand went to the door handle and opened the door “I will see you tomorrow morning at home. Have a nice night shift.”

Aelin’s heart swelled with joy at the word home. Their place. They hadn’t made it official but her house had become home. Their home. And she loved the feeling of it.

“Think creative, captain.”

He winked at her and left the car. Then he waved at her and Aelin left, he put his cap on his head and headed back inside the airbase.

-

Rowan made his way to Lorcan’s office and took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“Come in,” came from inside.

Rowan entered the room and Lorcan looked up at him and he did notice the expression of disbelief in his CO’s face.

“Rowan —” but the other man stopped him.

“Thank you for today. For the support.” Rowan said quietly sitting on the chair in front of his CO.

“The man was out of line.” Lorcan growled “he knows what kind of instructor you are. How strict you are. The man was trying to get you sacked as a punishment for his son’s death knowing full well that again it was not your fucking fault.”

Rowan looked away, shutting away the painful memories.

“I already sent orders to start working on the canopies and check them all.”

Rowan nodded silently.

“I know what we can do to cheer you up.” Rowan turned his head staring at a surprisingly cheery Lorcan. Elide was really doing miracles.

“Grab you gear and let’s get out in the air, this man here needs to fly. It’s been so long that it’s a miracle I can still be called a pilot.” And he chuckled.

Rowan stood “Fine, be ready to be crushed.”

Lorcan grinned and stood as well “Oh, I submitted a proposal to allow women to serve in the airforce.”

Rowan’s head whipped to one side “who are you and what have you done with Lorcan Salvaterre?”

“The captain and Elide. Turns out we have both chosen very strong women.”

“I like that.”

“Me too.”

Rowan was doing his pre-flight checks when he noticed Lorcan joining him. The man had always exuded charisma.

“You should really send Elide a picture of you in a jump suit. I know how much Aelin likes it, I guess Elide might appreciate it too.”

Lorcan lifted an eyebrow while he reached his jet and popped open the canopy “you think?”

Rowan nodded “how is it going with her by the way?”

“She is incredible. She is tiny but fierce and stubborn and quite amazing.”

Rowan could not believe it, Lorcan was in awe of someone a feat that he thought was impossible.

“You are in love with her.”

“I think so.” said Lorcan hiding the words in a cough, almost embarrassed by his admission.

“Good.” Then he stared at Lorcan and he realised that going out out for a flight had been a good idea. They were evenly matched in skill and it was going to be a fun one. They had a few turbulent months but he had more or less always got along with him. Flying together again felt like the good old times.

“You missed a spot.” Rowan pointed at one section under the wing. 

Lorcan replied with a middle finger and it felt nice to have their old banter back when Lorcan could finally put aside his CO mask for a while.

“I am not a cadet, I know how to do my pre flight checks.”

“Well, you are not following the order we were taught at flight school, cadet Salvaterre.”

“Stop being a smartass, cadet Whitethorn.”

Rowan climbed in his jet and finished his checks inside and communicated with the tower to finalise the flight plan and get the authorisations required.

“Come on Lorcan, you are so slow. Tower gave us the all clear and the flight plan is in. Are you sure you still remember how to fly? Do you need any pointers, Chaos?”

Chaos was Lorcan’s callsign and he had earned it very early in his career for his flying skills.

Eventually they were both ready and the two jets got taxied away and not long after they were in the air.

“Rules of engagement: anything is allowed and two out of three?”

“Copy that, Iceman.”

“Good, be ready to lose.”

The two jets broke apart and went in different directions and for a while they just ran in circles above the airbase to study each other.

Lorcan hadn’t wanted to admit that he was a bit rusty and Rowan was indeed a nasty customer. 

Gavriel and the three young pilots were walking along one of the long corridors on the airbase when they heard the sound of jets in the air and ran to the next window to look who it was. The classes for the cadets were still grounded and the three of them were on ground.

“Holy fuck,” muttered Gavriel when he realised who was out flying.

He ran out to the viewing tower followed by the twins and Vaughan.

“Is that who I think it is?” Asked Connall speechless.

“Rowan and Lorcan.” The older man turned to the three young guys “you are in for a treat, they can make you feel like a newbie.”

Gavriel saw Rowan pull in a vertical and flying into the sun, roll on his back and continue in  straight line flying just a meter above Lorcan, finally flipped his jet once again and placed himself at Lorcan’s six.

Lorcan tried some evasive manoeuvres but Rowan did not let go, always at his tail attempting to get a lock on his CO.

Lorcan felt trapped and as a last ditch he went into a high G barrel roll to try and shake off Rowan.

“Rowan is going to overshoot,” said Connall who was silently watching the dogfight between their superiors.

Then Rowan pulled a trick out of the hat and kept his jet in line with Lorcan’s then rolled and found himself upside down and fired at the other man.

“Holy fuck,” was Fenrys’ comment at the scene.

“What did just happen? How did he even manage that?” Added Vaughan.

“That is Rowan for you. Now you realise why we can’t ever win?”

“One nil for me, Chaos.”

“You are a sneaky bastard, Whitethorn. And where did you learn such manoeuvres?”

Rowan laughed over the comms “get your act together, Commodore, and you can probably get me.”

The dogfight between the two went on for much longer. Lorcan did manage to win an engagement but Rowan still won 2-1. They landed back and they found Rowan’s team waiting for them.

“Good to see you two flying again. The youngsters never had the chance to see the pros at work.” Said Gavriel relieved that the two men seemed again at ease with each other.

“Oh, yeah. Our dear CO was a bit rusty and I took him out to stretch his legs and I handed out his arse to him twice.”

Lorcan gave him the middle finger in response.

*

Elide was in the ambulance doing some inventory checks when her phone pinged. She opened the text from Lorcan and almost fainted on the spot. It was Lorcan in his jump suit beside his jet and the man actually had a hint of a smile on his face. The second image was of him and Rowan standing back to back, their arms folded at their chest and both had a goofy smile on.

She jumped off the ambulance and ran to Aelin who was in the equipment room checking out their gear “Ace, look!” She shouted as she stormed in.

“What?” And she looked at the two pictures on Elide’s phone.

“Interesting…” Aelin stared with curiosity at the picture of the two men.

“He is soooo hot, I have never seen him in a jump suit and gods I don’t know? Want to remove it one bit at a time?”

Aelin laughed “that’s what I would do to Rowan right now if we were together in a private place. I would peel that jump suit off him until he is naked in front of me.”

She saw Elide blush “Lorcan and I haven’t… passed the kissing stage yet. He has never touched me. He is very considerate of me. But a few times he hugged me and I… felt him.” And she made a gesture and Aelin understood.

“Elide that is normal. How do you feel about the next stage? Like exploring each other’s bodies?”

“As in naked?”

“Yes, but you can start with keeping your underwear to have a barrier on if it makes you feel better.”

Elide sat on the bench beside her “I don’t know how to do this. How do I touch him?”

Aelin could see panic rise in the woman “ask him to show you and then once you feel brave enough to try just give it a go. It can be quite fun.” Aelin stopped for a second trying to find a way to tackle the next issue “Elide, have you ever… you know… explored your body? Down there?”

Elide blushed savagely “no.”

Aelin took the woman’s hand “take a nice warm bath and then…” Aelin wiggled her fingers “just put a hand between your legs and see how it goes, what you feel.”

“Oh.”

“At least once you two take the next step you have an idea of how it feels.”

“And Lorcan does that as well?”

Aelin nodded “yes, and if the man is as good as the others claim he might leave you a satisfied mess just with his fingers or mouth or both. A sort of appetiser before the main course.”

“Do you and Rowan…?”

Aelin nodded “and not just him to me but me to him as well.”

“This sounds so much.”

“Elide, look at me.” Aelin placed her hands on the woman’s shoulder “you do not have to take the next step until you are okay with it. Talk with Lorcan. Explain to him that you are getting curious and want to try more. You can use a safe word so that when you start to become uncomfortable, you shout that word and he has to stop.”

“Oh.”

“He hasn’t rushed you or anything?”

Elide shook her head “no, he has been so understanding, and never pushed.”

“Good. You set the pace. You are the one who needs time so he adjusts to you, remember. But if you feel like you are ready for another step just tell him.”

“Is it… is it as good as everyone says? Is it worth it?”

Aelin nodded “with the right person is something incredible. The intimacy… the connection…”

“Do you have that with your captain?”

“Yeah, and some.”

“Uhhh… are we getting serious?”

Aelin looked away for a moment “I loved Sam. A lot. We were good together but it was never like this. Never this deep.” She threw her head against one of the jackets “I don’t know how to explain it but my feelings for Rowan are so strong that sometimes I feel like I can’t breath.”

“I want that too.”

A moment later the conversation was interrupted by Lysandra entering the room “Here you are, why are you hiding?”

Elide showed Lys Lorcan’s picture.

“Oh mama…”

“Elide is feeling… curious.”

Lysandra hugged the woman “that is wonderful, darling. With such a specimen I’d be curious too.”

“Lys.” Shouted Aelin laughing.

“What? Fine the man can be an arsehole but I can’t deny that in that picture he is one hot bastard.”

“Show her the other.”

Elide showed Lysandra the picture with both Rowan and Lorcan.

“Ok, I really need a cold shower now.”

“I am pretty sure Aedion is available. Just keep it quiet.”

Lysandra laughed “don’t you think I tried? He said it would be against the rules.”

“I am almost done with equipment checks. This room will be free soon.”

“You are a wicked woman.” 

Aelin winked.

“Did you do it in here with the captain?”

“No, but his office is quite comfortable.”

“Nice.” Commented Lysandra.

Lys then took Elide’s hand “come on, we got a couple of things to finish.”

Once the two ladies left she phoned Rowan and he picked up at the first ring.

“I am jealous, Lorcan sent a picture of the two of you to Elide and I don’t get a copy?”

“You liked that?”

“You were both smiling.”

“We talked,” added Rowan “Lorcan was even more pissed than me. I think Elide did the miracle.”

Aelin laughed and relaxed at his admission “how so?

“He chuckled. Lorcan chuckled.”

She heard mirth in his voice.

“And the man is totally in love with Elide. I swear I never heard the man talk like that about a woman.”

“Interesting.”

“Also, apparently he has decided to support my idea of having women in the airforce and submitted a proposal to the higher ups and he is prepared to fight for it.” He told her, knowing she would love the news.

“Ok, I might finally start to like the man. What changed?”

“You and Elide apparently.”

Aelin smiled smugly “so he does listen, I am impressed. I don’t think I can cope with the idea of Lorcan not being the bad guy.”

“His job is very stressful and I don’t think I could be able to cope with the amount of shit he has to deal with.” He sighed “put me in a cockpit surrounded by enemies and I will be fine. But the idea of being stuck behind a desk playing the political game day in day out…. no. I will retire before it happens.” He added sadly.

“So, what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day, captain?”

“I am helping him with a few things. Then do more prep work for our performance review.”

“Do you think you are ready for that?”

She heard a lot of noise in the background and she guessed he was back in the hangar.

“Aye, we are good to go.” He was silent for a moment “I have to go, Fireheart.”

“Sure. Be safe and have a nice drill.”

“I love you. Have a nice night shift.”

“Send me that picture, Whitethorn.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She closed the conversation and relaxed heavily. Rowan sounded so much better and she was smidge less worried. With a big smile she went back to her work.

*

It was past 9pm and Aelin was in her office working away on some paperwork Dorian had sent over. She had a good day. It had felt good being back and she realised that Rowan’s help and their time away had helped very much. She felt saner and being at the station did not cause any problems. She was not ready yet to go back fighting fires, of that she was well aware. That was the last challenge she had to face but she and Aedion had discussed a training regimen that would slowly allow her to find the courage again to go fully back on duty and she felt excited at the idea.

She had been so engrossed in her work she did not hear the knock on the door. When it happened a second time she slowly raised her head “come in.” She said flatly and almost annoyed. 

A head of silver hair appeared on the door and she stopped “am I interrupting?”

“Of course captain. How dare you?”

He smiled and took a step in “I can go if you are working.”

Aelin rolled her eyes “get your arse inside and give me fifteen minutes of silence.”

He nodded and walked to her bookcase, giving her his back. His hand behind his back, his spine ramrod straight and his feet slightly apart in a perfect at ease position. She grinned. You could take the man out of the military but not the military out of the man.

She stopped working and rested her chin on her hands and a pen in her mouth. She studied him from behind and was impressed how still he could stay. A feat that had alway been impossible to her. 

Rowan grabbed one of her manuals and started flipping through it. It was only fair, she had done the same to his flight manuals. 

“A chemistry book?”

She eventually decided to stand and join him at his side.

“I hated chemistry in school. I was good at it but never liked it. I preferred physics.”

Aelin smiled and grabbed another book: fire science “this one might be more interesting.”

He had a look through it and smiled at her “can I take it at home or do you need it here?”

“You can take it home.”

Rowan smiled and placed the book on the sofa then cupped her face “hi, by the way.” And he kissed her.

“About time. I thought you were more interested in my books than me.” She teased him, pulling away briefly.

“You told me to stay silent for fifteen minutes. I was just following orders.”

“Screw that.”Aelin switched off her computer and walked to him, palm upturned, offering him her hand “follow me captain.”

“Do I need to be scared?”

She glared at him.

They walked along the corridor of the fire station and it was so silent and quiet compared to what he had seen during the day “where is everyone?”

“Resting. We got beds, you know? But Brullo and Ress are probably up watching tv as usual.”

They walked through the common area and as Aelin suspected the two guys were watching some  series on tv.

“Hi guys,” she greeted them.

They raised their heads “hi boss,” then noticed Rowan “oh captain, you found her. Good.”

“When I walked in I announced myself. I could not just waltz in.”

“Come on,” she grabbed his hand. Aelin dragged Rowan to the area where they kept the fire engine and the truck. She moved to the engine and opened a door on the side and pulled out two thick blankets then with them under her armpit, she started climbing the ladder at the end of the rig “Come on captain.”

Rowan looked at her puzzled.“Where are you going?”

He saw her rolling her eyes “on top of the rig.”

“If the alarm—”

“Captain, if the alarm goes off we have enough seconds to get our arses back down. They will not drive away with us on top of the rig. Do you trust me?”

He looked at her in a strange way.

Aelin threw the blankets on the top of the engine and climbed back down and marched to him, grabbing his hand “move.”

With force she dragged him to the ladder and prompted him to climb. He did as ordered and once at the top he stopped. Aelin stopped behind him, then in a swift motion she pulled her leg over the engine rail and climbed on its roof.

She took the blankets and placed them on top of all the hoses “it smells a bit of smoke. You’ll get used to it.”

He climbed over and stood for a second admiring the view from on top of the engine. When he turned he saw Aelin laying down on the blankets, her arms extended to him and a goofy smile on her face. He joined her and took a place at her side.

She nested against his chest and his arms looped around her frame.

“I come up here a lot on a night shift. I don’t sleep, I just relax, I love to imagine I am laying on the grass and that if I look up I can see the stars.”

“I do that when I am on an aircraft carrier and I am not on standby. I just walk on the deck along the rail, although is not as quiet as here as there are still flights happening, but it’s less busy. I just lean against the handrail, near the island and look out at the sea and I my case I can see the stars.”

Aelin turned in his arms and faced him “can you navigate by just using the stars?”

“We don’t use it much, GPS is a very handy tool, but it’s a skill we learn in case something fails and you are left with no GPS or any other electronic help.”

“What about you? Had a good day at the station?” He kissed the top of her head.

Aelin nodded eagerly “yes, I admitted I had a problem out loud and both Dorian and Aedion have offered to help in anyway they can.” She looked up at him “and you… you helped so much… and still helping…”

He smiled tenderly “it goes under my job description for boyfriend, I assume?”

She caressed his face loving the sound of him calling himself her boyfriend.

“Say it again,” she whispered to him.

“What?”

“That you are my boyfriend.”

He went for a deep kiss “I am yours.”

Aelin smiled against his lips “those are powerful words, captain.”

“They are true, though.”

Aelin’s heart raced and her hand went to his chest and found his doing exactly the same.

“I love this. Us. I really do…” she stuck her head in the crook of his neck inhaling his scent “but it still scares me because it happened so fast. One day I wanted to punch you, the next I wanted to kiss you. And it frightens me. I want this to work. I want us to work out.”

His hand covered hers still on his chest “you are not alone. This is a lot for me as well. But I am done fighting my feelings.” He hugged her closer “I love you, even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”

Aelin kissed his chest “you are so cheesy it’s disgusting.”

Rowan pushed her away and she rolled on her back at his side, her hand still in his “I was trying to be romantic and you ruined the moment.”

She smiled “sorry, I used to do that with Sam all the time. He would say something super romantic and I would respond with a joke. When he proposed I replied that I had to check with my lawyer first.”

“You are a brat.”

“It was so funny. Then I texted him and said that my lawyer had agreed.” Aelin brought their twinned hands to her mouth and kissed them “I showed him later on that night in bed how much I wanted to marry him. He did not complain.”

“You really are a handful.”

“I know, but now you picked me and there is no turning back.” She said against their hands fearing she had gone too far.

“I love a good challenge.” He rolled over and was now half on top of her, his hand on her side caressing her gently.

Aelin grabbed his face in her free hands and kissed him stupid but Rowan pulled back when he remembered where they were. He was still terrified they would drive away with the two of them on top of the engine.

He lay back down and his hand started trailing along her injured arm exposed by the short sleeved shirt. The burns had healed but the skin remained marred. He traced the length of it and leaned over to kiss it.

“Does it bother you?”

“No,” he said softly while continuing to kiss her injured arm and her scars “you are my brave and fierce Fireheart. It scares me that I almost lost you. But you scars…” another gentle kiss “they don’t bother me.”

She snuggled closer and he enveloped her in his arms.

“I forgot.” He propped himself up on one elbow “I have received an invitation.”

“Oh?” Aelin did the same and faced him.

“This weekend the navy is throwing a launch party for the new aircraft carrier, down at the dockyards before she is set at sea for the trials and then off to deployment.” He explained “Me and the guys have been invited and I can bring a guest. Fancy being my plus one?”

“Are we going public, captain?”

“If you want to.”

Aelin thought about it “I could wear the stunning black dress I bought in Doranelle.”

Rowan remembered that dress and the effect it had on him when she wore it in the shop.

“Are you trying to give a heart attack to the whole Terrasen military?”

Aelin giggled “just going to show all those posh boys what an amazing taste in women you have.”

“That I do.” He flicked her nose.

Aelin was about to reply when dispatch alarm went off and she bolted on her feet and pulled Rowan up and grabbed the blankets “come on, captain.”

She climbed down super quickly and by the time he made it down, the blankets were back in the truck and the squad was getting ready to go.

“Showing the captain your special spot?” Joked Aedion.

Aelin nodded and patted his shoulder “keep the guys safe and you stay safe too.”

“Always.” Quickly Aedion ran to the truck and a moment later the squad was gone.

“It’s hard to see them go and not being able to be with them.”

He pulled an arm around her shoulder “come, I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

She followed him “that’s exactly how you woo a woman, captain.”

TAGS:

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@jlinez​

@swankii-art-teacher​

@courtofjurdan​

@whimsicallyreading​

@tillyrubes10​

[beanieblanchett]

iii. “use me but as your spaniel”

Paring: Cate Blanchett x fem reader

Warnings: professor student relationship, slight smut, masterbation, dom/sub undertone, dirty talk

Read Chapter 2 here

(Sorry for the long wait I have been caught up with my personal and academic life lately🥺I know I’ve been a complete ass making people wait for so long. I’m so sorry)

*not my edits*

The day has been long.

There’s a clock in your bedroom. An old fashioned one, and you could hear the second hand ticking in your room: time passes in the unit of a second at a time, and you are so aware of every second that has passed.

It is painful, really. You try to focus on the reading for your psychology class, but there’s an unsettling feeling in your chest, as if something is suspended in the air, waiting to fall.

To fall. Like gravity, so natural and irresistible. That is how you feel right now as you sigh and look at your planner for the third time in the past hour, a scheduled appointment for office hours with a professor, the professor…...highlighted in yellow, like the color of the sunlight that is now resting outside of your window.

And so you are thinking about her again. The other day when she was explaining the literary devices that Ovid used to show the depth of love. Love, when the word falls out of her mouth you can’t help but tremble. You take in a deep breath as you wander around the meeting link on the canvas site. There’s still 10 minutes before the scheduled time. Even though she has always said in the lecture that anyone’s welcomed to join the meeting room, you decide to wait. The amount of hesitation and a mix of other feelings pumping in your heart scares you. You hate to use the word love lightly, but what other word could you use to describe that feeling that’s dancing in your chest right now? that hopeless attraction, that constant longing you have for her? When you’ve barely even talked to her, you’ve fallen for her. You feel utterly alone, slightly ashamed, and immensely terrified.

You curse under your breath as your eyes refocus on the screen, dragging yourself back from your thoughts, you’re almost late. And so you click on the link, your body tense and your teeth biting your lower lips nervously as you enter the waiting room.

“Well Hello, so how are you doing today?”

She greets you with a smile, her voice reaffirms her presence and makes your heart miss a beat. She’s wearing a white shirt, the first three buttons casually opened, elongating her elegant neck, exposing her delicate collar bones...and the a peek of her cleavage that makes your cheeks burn. Yet you can’t take your eyes off, a silver necklace draping from her neck down to inside her shirt...almost luring you.

“Can you hear me alright?”

She spoke again, and you’re embarrassed by your lost focus...on her. It still feels slightly unreal that she’s addressing you—you’ve gotten used to not answering her questions, as you know someone else always will.

“I’m sorry...yes I can hear you. I’m doing good.” You open your mouth to realize that your voice is a little raspy from not talking all day.

She is looking slightly tired but genuine and kind as usual, staring into the camera with a satisfied smile as she nods to your answer. You can hear her clicking as you both fell silent. You try to focus on the presence of her so as to stop your thoughts from running into wild places, but that seems to do the opposite job.

“So I see you’ve got a 90.5 on your last essay, which isn’t bad at all.” She said with a keen smile as she praises you, which soon turned into a look of curiosity as she raises her eyebrows, “with such a grade you’re not required to come see me, but you still choose to. I wonder if you have any specific questions for me?”

“Oh…” no, you don’t really have any, but you look down on your notes for things you’ve prepared for this meeting, “I just wonder if you have any suggestions for my writing, you know, where can I improve, because I’d like to get a better grade for that upcoming essay.”

“Hmmm..understood.” She nods again, and you can see her eyes quickly scanning through your essay as she speaks.

And her left hand, that was supporting her chin, is now resting on her left cheek. And—an observation that scorched your cheeks—her fingers are now unconsciously touching her own lips...in a most casual, most usual but also insanely sensual way.

“Will you give me a minute? I’d like to inspect your words more closely so I can give you better suggestions.” She lifted her eyes to look at the camera with a subtle grin.

“Oh sure. I’m in no rush.”

Her fingers returned to her lips after she’s done talking. long, beautiful fingers that you have dreamed and thought about. You’ve imagined them on your face, on your hand, on your body...in your body...without realizing how bold a move you’re making, you feel your own touch on your thighs, moving closer and closer to the center before you find yourself messaging your desire, already aroused, over the thin fabric of your panties.

You gasp at the pleasure, a silent one, and then a louder one. You look into the screen to see her now flipping through a book on her desk, (Metamorphosis, you suppose, as that’s what your essay was about), feeling more daring and slipped a sweaty hand into your pantie.

You’re wetter than you expected, providing an easy entrance for your own finger. Your breath gets heavier and heavier with your slow thrusts, trying to maintain your posture until a soft moan slips from your lips.

She’s still intensely focused on the book, and so you gathered the courage and whispered her name, “Cate….”

“Cate...Cate…..” you say to yourself, words muffled with your now loud moans, which is not getting more and more intense as you get closer to the climax——

“Okay I think I’m done here,” she looks up to you, her sudden words scaring you, ruining your orgasm and now your pussy is pathetically wet, and exposed in the air.

She doesn’t seem to expect your response as she proceeds to give you a few suggestions about your writing. She praises your interesting perspectives, and points out a few flaws in your analysis, raising some other questions regarding the texts. As always, she seems to be most genuinely interested in your work, analyzing it as if it’s the work of Ovid himself. Her voice is incredibly captivating to you, and to your swollen desire, but her highly professional manner turns you on even more——the thought of you being naked with your ugly desire, almost dripping in such an academic discussion...how sinful, how humiliating, how dangerously attractive.

“Now would you mind sharing with me the passage you’ve chosen for the upcoming essay? The Shakespeare one.”

“Oh yes. Of course.” You nod, looking down to your notes to avoid looking at those eyes, and looking at your own picture on the screen. You could imagine yourself right now, cheeks red and sweat on your forehead, how weird she must have thought of you to be.

“I’ve chosen the passage in the Midsummer Night’s Dream. Helena’s confession and pursuit of Demetrius. I find that speech of her quite touching...the devotion of putting oneself in such a lowly place, almost an act of submission, but also an act of great courage, to go against societal norms…”

You pause yourself there to look up at her, she’s nodding and smiling as always, but in her eyes, you see almost a tint of a fleeting, mischievous smirk? you must have made a mistake. And you must have been illusioned by your heating desire, so you shake your thoughts and continued: “it’s this passage,

‘Use me but as your spaniel—spurn me, strike me,

Neglect me, lose me. Only give me leave,

Unworthy as I am, to follow you.

What worser place can I beg in your love—

And yet a place of high respect with me—

Than to be used as you use your dog?’”

Finishing off, you look up again, and you feel yourself shaking.

Silence. And you think you see that mischievous smile in her eyes grow stronger. You’re almost certain, yes there’s definitely something behind those eyes. Those eyes that shine with kindness and professionalism, sparkle with interests and curiosity...there must be something behind those eyes.

And now they’re staring at you.

“Professor?” You feel unease, breaking the long silence that felt like forever.

“Is that for your essay or is that for me?”

Your heart either stopped beating or was beating at an unnatural rate, you opened your mouth to find yourself stuttering, “I...this...the essay...sorry?”

She did not respond, but her eyes now burning with a wanton look.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Your voice is shaking.

“Oh yes you do.” She says, stopping the screen share of your essay so that you could see her and only her——eyes filled with mysterious lust, a smirk emerged on her face.

“You thought you muted yourself, didn’t you? Or did you think those filthy little noises that your pretty mouth was making could escape my ear? But I’ve heard them all, even those wet noises coming not from your mouth but from somewhere else. And did you think I didn’t notice you, looking like you’re having too much fun biting your lips with watery eyes in my lectures?”

Her stare was intense, burning you to the ground, to your knees, stripping you bare and making all your attempts to act decent seem useless and pathetic.

“You are quite a daring one, but a bashful one at the same time. How interesting.”

“‘To be used as you use your dog’...now look up and answer this: is that what you want from me?”

(To be continued.)

[something-tofightfor]

Magnetic: Introduction - It’s All Very Complicated

Pairing: None, yet. 

Word count: 3,565

Rating: None, really. Yet. Some mentions of sex, general angst. This is truly an introduction. 

Summary: Welcome to the Academy, where trained and capable Jedi work to teach the Force-sensitive how to best manage and utilize their abilities. Though you live there, you’re no longer training, and one of your main responsibilities is providing companionship and understanding to the newest Padawan: Grogu.  You’ve got a past, sure ... but is that past going to shape your future? 

Author’s note: 

This is the “sequel” to T’ad nac or’atu (Two No More) - and takes place about a year after Grogu left with Luke, featuring a female reader insert. There will be spoilers from seasons 1 and two of The Mandalorian throughout. If you didn’t watch the show, this won’t make much sense to you. 

I’m terrified to post this, I’m gonna be honest. Even though this is a general introduction to this series, and I’m well into writing it ... it’s still scary. I’m very thankful to the people that have provided me with feedback, honesty, support and have offered to read parts of this for me. 

This is going to be the shortest part by far, but I didn’t think that an 8,000 word introduction was the right call. 

I hope you enjoy it. Feedback - both positive and critical - is always welcome. 

(banner made by the absolutely talented @malionnes)

Before your eyes had even opened, and even though you were still half asleep, you sensed that someone was in the room with you. Again? Blinking, you let out a slow breath, giving your eyes time to adjust to the dim glow from the panel next to the door as the dream you’d been having slipped away, dark brown eyes and a cautious smile the only things you could remember. The room was silent, aside from the low hiss of cooled air through the vent, but then after a few seconds, you heard a quiet thud at the foot of your bed followed by a nearly inaudible whine. Again. “C’mere, Gr - kid.” 

 The blankets shifted with the added weight as he tugged on them, and you clutched the top edge to keep them from slipping off of you entirely while he climbed. Too cold for that. In the low light, you saw the curved top of his head and his sloping ears appear first, quiet coos accompanying them. Hey kid.

 It didn’t happen every night, but at least three times a week, the little guy found his way into your room and into your bed, nesting right next to your upper body, your arm curled loosely around him as you both nodded off. “Couldn’t sleep again?” He moved more swiftly over the blankets, and it didn’t take long for his face to pop up right next to yours, mouth opened slightly, his massive eyes focused on you. No. 

 Lifting the corner of the blanket with one hand and groaning at the slight chill of air it allowed to enter the previously covered space, you paused as the kid dove beneath it, letting the material fall again as you felt him lay down next to you, more babbling noises a sign that while you were still on the edge of sleep, he was wide awake. “You could just knock, bud. It would be…” No knock. Too loud. “Fine.” You weren’t annoyed with him - not really - and despite the numerous ongoing middle of the night intrusions, you knew you’d never tell him to stop coming into your room. Keeping me from being lonely, little guy. Hope I’m doing the same for you.

 It had been happening since shortly after the youngling arrived at the Academy and you were introduced. The first few times, you’d been quick to scoop him up, carrying him back to his room and  tucking him into his bed before telling him that he had to stay put. While you didn’t have all the details about Grogu’s past, you knew that it had been a lot more unconventional than that of the other students and Masters, and that he wasn’t used to such a routine - or being alone at night. None of us were before we got here. 

 But he’d been subjected to more difficult times than you could imagine, and although you got glimpses of them through his thoughts, much of it was still hazy - as if he was trying to keep his early years a secret, hidden from everyone - even himself, but especially you and the other adults at the Academy. And you’re gonna make sure it stays that way, aren’t you. Absently, you stroked the back of his head, feeling the wrinkled skin beneath your fingers, along with the soft edge of the top of his sleeping robe.

 He’d come back with Master Skywalker, straight from a dangerous confrontation with Imperial remnants on a light cruiser, and you’d quickly learned first hand that he was powerful with the Force - although uneducated and undisciplined in the ways of the Jedi. Prior to his rescue, a Mandalorian bounty hunter was responsible for his care, and that had been the case for almost a year, which added to the child’s lack of control and discipline. But it’s not his fault, it had to be that way. 

 The Mandalorian had done his best, keeping the kid as safe and as secure as possible for as long as possible. But the Empire finally caught up with them, leading to the kid’s current situation - separated from the people he’d spent a great deal of time with and studying under capable and trained Jedi. It had to be… hard. Yes. You glanced down, but could only see the side of Grogu’s face, his ear folded against the pillow beneath his large head. It is. 

 At the unusually candid response to your thoughts of his previous life, your tired mind turned back to the Mandalorian, eyes drooping shut. You’d also caught glimpses of him through Grogu’s thoughts; a tall and broad-shouldered man, covered nearly head to toe in gleaming beskar and a flowing cape, a sizeable helmet perched atop his shoulders and obscuring his features completely. Through Grogu’s eyes, you saw the man as imposing and to be feared, dangerous, though Grogu himself hadn’t ever been afraid, even in the beginning. You saw the weapons he carried; a huge rifle, a weighty blaster, even a flamethrower attached to his wrist along with a sleek, shining spear made of the same material as his armor. Not only could you see them in your mind, you felt the same sense of pride that Grogu felt when he watched the man wield them in the memories. He was the right person to protect you, kid. 

 You’d never met a Mandalorian before, but had researched them in the Jedi texts and other history books, learning of their ferocity and belief systems, which differed depending on their specific clans and Tribes. “It’s all very complicated, hmm?” You whispered the words, a smile on your lips as you pressed them gently to the back of the child’s head. He cooed again in response, but you felt that his mind was beginning to settle, his three-fingered grip on your forearm loosening. “It had to be a lot for you to understand, right kid?” The Way.

 You felt the weight of the words from his thoughts, another slow, heavy breath leaving you, but the sadness Grogu knew when thinking of the man quickly changed into a happier emotion, and you closed your eyes, too, concentrating on his shifting thoughts. He was nearly twice your age, but Grogu was - for lack of a better description - still a child, and although he’d grown much stronger in the months he’d spent training at the Academy, his emotions were still much more volatile than the Masters would have liked. But it happens differently for everyone.

 That volatility made it easier to read him even when he wasn’t focused on communicating with you, and while you knew that some of the other students seemed to fear the little green creature and the strength he radiated, you’d never felt the same, even though you knew that he knew when you were prodding at his thoughts - and he was more than capable of making you stop. 

 It wasn’t because you were prying; in fact, it was the exact opposite, and you’d spent countless nights like this one before, connecting with the kid as a way to calm him, giving him a chance to remember and share his earlier life with someone that was willing to listen. You helped him drift off to sleep by sharing space in your own mind with him, despite the fact that even the most untrained Padawans could tell that Grogu’s mind was often troubled - and that he’d seen and been a part of things that most of them couldn’t begin to imagine. “Sleep well, kid.” You murmured the words, feeling Grogu’s fingers tighten once more before they relaxed almost completely. 

 He fell asleep before you, and the last thought that you had before you followed him into sleep was of yellow-gloved fingers curled around a smooth silver ball, one of Grogu’s small hands outstretched toward it. 

 --- 

 He was gone when you woke up the following morning, and despite the middle of the night interruption, you felt refreshed and awake as soon as you opened your eyes. I usually do after he’s here. 

 It was a strange relationship you had with the kid, but it worked, and you knew that along with being good for Grogu, it helped others focus elsewhere, so you were happy to continue. At least until his training’s done, and he rises in the ranks. Or… until I leave.

 You blinked into the mirror, brushing your teeth. Him becoming a Knight was a looming possibility; every Padawan’s training lasted a different amount of time, and one of the other things that you knew about Grogu was that he’d had prior training - meaning that even with his lack of constant focus, he was far more capable of using the Force than most of the others within the Academy at his classification level. He was strong and smart - but still learning to control himself. Just a kid.

 That didn’t mean that he was good at it all the time, or that it didn’t tire him out immensely when he overdid things, but the Masters spoke of him as though they already knew that when he became a Master himself, he’d be a formidable adversary when and if it became necessary. We’re still a while off from that, though. He’s still little, he’s … Spitting your tooth gel out, you straightened up, adjusting your shirt over your shoulders and glancing back at the door of your room as a new set of thoughts made themselves known to you. Bari’s coming. 

 You couldn’t help it sometimes, finding yourself unable to block out the thoughts around you - especially when emotions ran high, and it was the reason that your training had been halted. One of them, anyway. Rubbing a hand over your face, you turned away from the mirror and slipped your shoes on, striding to the door and opening it before the young man had a chance to knock. “Morning, Bari.” He looked shocked at your greeting but quickly recovered, nodding his head and greeting you by name, lips curving upward into a large smile. He’s happy to see me… as always.

 “Hey. Can I walk you to breakfast?” Nodding in agreement, you stepped into the hallway and stayed next to the man, turning toward the dining hall. “You look like you slept well.” 

 “Yeah, I did.” You nodded in greeting as you passed others in the hall, taking a deep breath. “The kid ended up in my room again, and once he was there, I was out.” 

 “Grogu? Isn’t he a little old to -” Stiffening, you glanced over, watching as Bari eyed you. “I mean he’s been here for a year, he should have let go of -”

 “They… his kind age different, Bari. And since there’s no record of what he is, we don’t know …” You bit your lip. “He’s a kid that had to leave his dad, and it’s only been a year. He might be fifty human years old, but who knows what that equals out to in his species.” You swallowed as you reached the dining hall, eyes sweeping over the room as you looked for Grogu. I bet he’s not here. I bet he’s with … “Besides, it’s not like he’s interrupting anything, so if it makes him feel better to sleep in a room with someone?” You reached for a tray, once again looking at the man next to you. “It’s fine with me.” 

 He was silent for a few minutes as the two of you loaded up your trays with food, and you could tell that he was conflicted. Say it, whatever it is. “What if there was someone else in your room? Would he -” 

 “I think he’d understand, Bari.” You slid into a seat at an empty table, reaching for a piece of fruit. “He’s not stupid, just … young.” You chewed thoughtfully, feeling as Bari’s emotions raced. He’s going to do it again. Ask me … “Why, who do you think that he’s going to -”

 “You know that since you’re no longer training that the rules technically don’t apply to you, right?” He leaned in, eyes locked on yours. “You’re allowed to… I could … we could.” 

 “Bari.” You closed your eyes. “I know that you …” You glanced up. “It was my decision to stop training, and the Masters were generous enough to let me stay here anyway because they thought I could help.” You knew that it was rare, but also knew that any sensitivity toward the Force was looked at as an asset post-Empire, and turning you away wasn’t anyone’s first option. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to do anything to -” 

 “I know, I know.” You felt the frustration from him, and understood it. Bari had befriended you almost immediately upon your arrival to the Academy years earlier before it was even a shadow of its current self. You’d met him in the town a few miles away from the building, the young man providing a friendly face when you felt lonely at first, and then someone to talk to during breaks and on days off after you officially began your education. He was simply employed within the building, and despite it being unconventional for Padawans to closely befriend those not in the program, you were drawn to the boy, his honesty and openness welcome after separating from your family in the manner that you had. “But maybe just -” 

 “Bari, come on.” You shrugged, lifting your fork and using it to cut into a piece of your omelette. “We’ve talked about this. Us… It’s better to keep it the -” You felt it - for the first time in him, anger at your rebuff, but it quickly changed to forced nonchalance, and you were able to keep your expression even, too. That’s interesting. 

 “Someday, you’re going to leave the Academy. Even if it’s only to settle somewhere close by.” Bari leaned in, his eyes wide. “You won’t have to follow their rules all the time, and then you can … maybe you won’t still feel…” Not with you. Not … I’m sorry, Bari. We’ve talked about it.  “You came here to make a life for yourself, and now that you’ve chosen not to follow the path of … their path? You’re free to follow your own, and that means…” 

 “Not until I decide to leave here.” You beamed at him, lips twitching upward as you glanced past him at the doorway. “And Bari? That’s not going to be for a while, especially with this little guy here.” He turned away from you after a few seconds and the two of you watched as Grogu floated through the room in a small pod, his head peeking up over the edge of it. Morning, kid. He looked in your direction as he passed by, eyes widening and mouth opening in greeting, one hand waving slowly. “Come on, Bari. How could I just leave him behind?” 

 “Yeah, I guess you couldn’t.” The man’s attention went back to his food, fingers holding his own fork loosely. “”I guess I just wonder …” His words trailed off and he raised his eyes to yours, forehead wrinkled. He wants me to see what he’s… His thoughts hit you full force and you couldn’t help the wince, looking away from the man across from you as he replayed in his mind the night the two of you - along with a few others from the nearby town - had spent an evening playing Sabacc and drinking too much Gizer ale and spice beer. 

 “Bari, come on.” You whispered the words, shaking your head. “That’s not fair.” But he kept thinking, the sadness in his gray eyes growing more pronounced. “We were barely old enough to drink, and we both agreed that things shouldn’t have gone that far that night.” And I meant it, even though you didn’t.

 “But they did.” He shrugged. “You knew how I felt then, and how I …” He didn’t need to finish his sentence - he was right. You knew that the man liked you, that he hoped that after you’d chosen to stop training at the Academy, you wouldn’t go far - that you’d be free to be with him in every way. He said your name, giving you a small smile. “It’s not going to change. I’m sorry that I just threw all of those memories at you, but it … I think about it a lot. About you a lot.” You had too, for a while. It wasn’t the first time you’d fooled around with someone, and Bari knew it, but since leaving your home, he’d been the only one to even come close to getting you alone in a room with a bed. 

 You liked him - you really did - but you didn’t feel anything when you’d been with him - not anything that mattered anyway. Even after what had happened with your parents, their story was one that you admired; the spark between them, the defiance of both of their families to up and leave with only a small number of credits to their names, starting a family with little support. Because they believed in each other, in their future. Because they loved each other. 

 Bari had been the first regular person you’d met that wasn’t afraid of you after you’d realized that you were attuned to the Force, that you could do things that other people couldn’t, and his acceptance had been a large part of the reason you’d gotten so close to him in the first place. That was part of it. You sighed, looking down at your tray, suddenly much less hungry than you had been. Why we got close. It was nice to … He wasn’t attracted to you because of the Force, you knew that from his thoughts, and that was appealing to you, too, but as time had passed and you’d grown into true adulthood, the size and number of students in the Academy growing as well, it hadn’t been enough. It never was. It never would have been. 

 After that first and only night together - fumbling in the dark, hands moving over each other’s bodies and your thoughts mercifully blank for the first time in months - you’d made it a point to never let things go that far again; not with Bari and not with anyone else, either. Not while I’m here. Not while I’m setting an example. Not … As you thought, you closed your eyes again, seeing a flash of the deep brown from the dream the night before.  “I’m sorry, Bari. That’s not what I want. That’s not why I’m still here.” Not to settle.

 He grumbled in disappointment, but he didn’t have long to stew, as you heard a quiet mechanical whirring noise and Grogu’s levitating carriage pulled up next to you. Very hungry. You grinned at him and reached over, pulling the tray off the top of it and setting it onto the table before you turned toward him, holding out both hands. Happily cooing, he reached for you, ears perking up, and you lifted him from the nest of blankets, setting him on the table beside his plate. “Morning, Grogu.” Bari was making an attempt - for your sake - but you knew that the kid didn’t buy it for one second, only nodding once at the man before turning his focus back to his food. “Soup, again?” 

 “It’s easy for him to lift the bowl.” You raised an eyebrow, absently reaching over to straighten Grogu’s robe across the back of his neck. “Utensils are kinda hard with three fingers, right kid?” Right. You heard a quiet slurp as he raised the bowl to his mouth, turning your attention back to Bari and hoping that Grogu wasn’t listening - or thinking - too hard. “We can talk later, if you want.” You tried to smile, but it came out strained. “I have a full day today, and then tomorrow this little guy and I are …” You lifted your hands, miming covering Grogu’s ears as you mouthed the next sentence, voice barely louder than a whisper. “Leaving the Academy for a little while.” 

 It was meant to make him smile, but Bari only shrugged, eyes still on you. “If you want.” He stood, pushing away from the table, tray in his hands. “Doesn’t matter.” Before you could respond, Bari was walking away, his back the only thing you could see. Damn. You picked up your fork again, sighing as you returned to your breakfast. He’s mad. 

 “Nah, little guy.” You chewed on your eggs, glancing down. “You’ll understand when -” But you laughed as you saw him holding a spoon in one hand, leaning over a second bowl of food, the surface rippling as something moved within it. Yuck. But Grogu paid no mind to that thought, poking at the top of the liquid, his tiny body nearly vibrating in anticipation. “C’mon, kid. Don’t play with your food.” At that, he froze for a second before turning his head toward you, ears lowered and eyes wide, his emotion changing swiftly to sadness. “No, I wasn’t… I’m not mad, but it…” What did I say?

 He blinked slowly and you saw his grip on the spoon tighten, another flash of his thoughts filling your head briefly. But this time it wasn’t a man’s eyes - it was the Mandalorian, hunched over and staring in your direction from the middle of a dimly lit room.  

---

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[starshine583]

New Girl on the Block (17)

(sorry for the late update everyone! I spent time with family this weekend and got a little side tracked lol anyway, please enjoy chapter 17 of “New Girl on the Block” and as always, feel free to check out the mini series connected to this called Journal Entries!)

Ch.1 / Ch.16 / Ch.18 (ao3)

Chapter 17: Subtlety Is Key

The platform ladder that Marinette was standing on sat firmly in Felix’s grip as he watched her attempt to pin a stream of hearts to the wall. She appeared to be having trouble deciding which angle was best, moving her end of the stream up and down while staring at the other end, which was already pinned up, and squinting. He half wondered if she was going to take this long on every stream of hearts she pinned up, since she'd been doing the same up-and-down motion for a while now, but he also didn’t mind waiting if she did. The longer he stood here, the better his chances were of escaping the task of writing those “thank you” cards that Allegra liked to put in her party favors. She always managed to rope him into it, saying that his handwriting was the best amongst them, which, in truth, it was, but why not save the trouble and type out the message on the computer in a curly font? Surely, it would have the same effect.

“Felix, does this look straight to you?”

Felix dragged his gaze back up to Marinette, who was frowning at the spot that she’d finally decided to stop on. The stream of hearts hung to her right, making a nice curve on the wall that looked fine, but he wouldn’t be able to say for certain until he acquired a level, which they didn’t have.

“As straight as it can get, I imagine.” He replied. Even if it was a tad off, the guests would hardly notice. They’ll be too busy mingling and dancing around.

A sigh fell from the ravenette, and she lowered the hearts to give him a tired look. “How is that supposed to help me?”

“Well, it’s definitely not straight now. Does that help?”

Marinette pressed her lips into a thin line, obviously disgruntled, and Felix clenched his jaw to avoid smiling. Perhaps he should wait until she got off the ladder to continue. She might kick him in the face otherwise.

“Why are you here if you’re not going to be useful?” She grumbled, turning back to the wall.

A snort escaped Felix’s lips. “I am being useful. I’m holding the ladder so you don’t fall and break your neck.”

“Bold of you to assume I won’t fall whether the ladder is steady or not.”

“Which is another reason why I’m here.” He replied smoothly. “To catch you.”

Marinette hummed, glancing down at him from the corner of her eye. “How kind of you.”

“Yes, it really is, isn’t it?”

She breathed out a small laugh and shook her head, coaxing a smirk from Felix as well. 

It’s been about a week since they stayed up all night talking at Allegra’s house, since things between them changed, since things with him changed. He couldn’t quite place what had caused it, except that it was most definitely her. The way she listened to him wholeheartedly throughout the entire night, hanging on his every word, offering support when needed and trading a few stories herself- It made him feel heard, which was immensely strange. Because he’d been heard before, plenty of times in fact. It was nothing new. So why was that night different? Was it because of the soft atmosphere that the moon provided? Or because they were both somewhat tired despite saying otherwise? Why did his entire being feel so clear and refreshed when they went up to bed later on?

Whatever happened, he’d assumed that the feeling would be gone by morning, since nighttime conversations hardly travel to the next day, but imagine his surprise when the feeling swelled full force in his chest the next day, specifically when he greeted Marinette in the hall. It was as crystal clear as the night before, and it had yet to fade even now. 

Felix didn’t understand. Not at all. But he certainly wasn’t going to dispute it. He actually began encouraging the feeling, talking with Marinette on a more constant basis, muttering in her direction during conversations, asking more casual questions, throwing around a joke or two about the others when it seemed appropriate- he even found himself teasing her at one point, which led him to the wonderful realization that Marinette Dupain-Cheng was much sassier than he’d given her credit for. Despite her surprise, she’d snapped back immediately, a playful glare in her eyes and a smirk on her lips, and with an unexpected reaction like that, Felix couldn’t not tease her more. That would simply be a waste.

In the following week, he continued to talk with her, and continued to learn how much of a wild card she truly was. She never reacted to his teasing the same way. For example, one minute, she would blush, the next she would smack him, or roll her eyes and shoot right back without a second thought, or even pout. There was no telling what she was going to do next, and Felix eagerly anticipated her next move each time. It was fun for him now, fun to talk with her, fun to see her smirks and glares and giggles when he did. He could understand why Claude, Allegra, and Allan would want to talk with everyone and anyone if they all acted like her.

Their dynamic had definitely changed over the last few days, and although he wasn’t sure how much Marinette had noticed it herself, Felix knew he was thoroughly enjoying the shift. 

“There.” Marinette said above him, leaning back to put her hands on her hips. “How’s that?”

Felix’s eyes glazed over the stream of hearts again, and he let out a hum. “A bit more to the left.”

Her shoulders drooped. “Are you serious?”

“No.”

The narrowed yet playful glare that she shot him had Felix holding back another chuckle, and he innocently moved to grab one of the pink, inflated balloons on the table next to them to hand it to her.

“Why do I ask you anything anymore?” She asked as she took the balloon from him. 

“Because you know I’m an excellent judge when it comes to fine craftsmanship, such as the stream of hearts hanging above us on the wall right now.”

Marinette scoffed, tacking the balloon to the wall just above the first decoration. “What, are you kissing up to me now? Are you trying to butter me up so I’ll bring you more cheesy croissants?”

Felix shot her a look of feigned offense. “I wouldn’t dream of it, not after the amount of pain and effort that went into the making of those decorations.”

Now she was glaring at him. “Exactly how long do you plan on holding that paper cut against me?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.” Felix replied, a slight smile betraying his lips as he did.

Marinette huffed, letting her eyes flick up in an eyeroll, and started back down the ladder. Felix moved back to let her off, before grabbing the ladder again to lift it over to the next wall. They still had two more streams to put up.

“You seem to be more present today.” He commented, thinking back on the get-together they had yesterday. She’d been lost in her own thoughts through the first part of it, so much so that Allegra felt the need to ask her if she was alright. Marinette didn’t get to answer due to Claude jumping in, but when Felix asked her about it again a bit later, she quickly froze up, saying that she’d rather keep it to herself for the time being. 

Felix understood, of course, and he said as much, but that didn’t stop him from being curious. Or even a bit concerned. She always had a specific look when that model was involved, and she’d worn it openly yesterday. Therefore, he could only assume that that was part of the trouble, but how much trouble? Did they run into each other again? Did he text her? Did he go looking for her somewhere? There were too many possibilities and not enough clues for Felix to draw a firm conclusion. He couldn’t even be sure that Agreste was the problem in the first place. 

“Did your troubles sort themselves out?” He added, trying not to look at her too much as he did. Felix didn’t want to pry, but he did want to make sure she was handling herself alright. (Not that that was really in question at this point. After that run-in with the akuma, they all knew quite well that Marinette could take care of things when she needed to.)

Marinette paused at the base of the ladder, tilting her head at him with a questioning glance. “My troubles?”

A slight frown tugged at the corner of Felix’s lips. Had she forgotten already? It must not have been that important, then..

“You said something was bothering you yesterday.” He said anyway.

“Oh!” Understanding washed over her features, but a grimace quickly followed. “Oh.”

Felix rose a brow. Did that mean the problem wasn’t resolved?

“Um.. no.” She said, offering a bit of clarity as she fiddled with the next stream of hearts that they were supposed to be hanging up. “No, it’s still very much there, unfortunately. I’m not sure how everything’s going to work out yet.”

Felix nodded. “I see. I apologize for bringing it up, then.”

“No, no, you’re fine.” She insisted as she climbed the ladder. “I know you were just trying to help.”

“Besides,” Marinette threw another smile over her shoulder, one that was clearly softer than the smirks she’d been giving him earlier, “if it gets to be too much, I’m sure you’ll come to rescue again. So you can have something else to brag about.”

Felix’s eyes widened, admittedly knocked off balance by the comment. Joking about being rescued wasn’t entirely unusual, but ‘again’? What did she mean ‘again’? Did she think he rescued her before? When? Why did he find himself feeling immensely pleased with the thought?

“Of course..” He muttered absently. “I do love to brag, you know.”

It was a bland remark to be sure, not nearly one of his best, but Marinette laughed anyway, as she always did, and turned back around to start pinning the next stream of hearts to the wall.

Felix continued to watch.

~~~~~~

Bzzt. Bzzt.

Adrien lunged for his phone, unlocking it with his fingerprint before it could even finish vibrating, and tapped the notification. Was it her? Had she finally decided to text him? Please let it be her!

A news app flashed onto his screen, and his shoulders sagged as he realized that Marinette hadn’t texted him. How long was she going to wait? It’s already been a full day, and winter break was fading fast. He knew these things could take time, but they honestly didn’t have a lot of that right now. Once school started up again, his schedule was going to go right back to packed, and he’d barely be able to breathe let alone go see her. He didn’t want their precious chance to hang-out to go to waste. 

“You good, dude?” Nino asked next to him. “You’ve been hovering around your phone all day. Is something going on?”

“Oh, uh-” Adrien sat up, pushing away his phone and disappointment. Marinette was going to text him eventually. He just needed to be patient. “No, everything’s fine. Père just likes to stay in touch with me while I’m out, so I want to make sure I don’t miss any text messages or anything.”

Nino frowned. “Isn’t sending Gorilla with you enough?”

Adrien shrugged. “Yeah, but you know how he is. He likes to stay on top of things.”

Disgruntlement flicked across Nino’s features, and he tugged his hat down slightly to hide it, muttering, “Or he just likes to control everything.”

Adrien smiled despite the comment. “Come on, he’s not that bad. He let us hang out today, right?”

Nino nodded, though his frown didn’t fade. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.. Just don’t let him distract you from our game. We still have a tie to break.”

Adrien straightened and grabbed the controller that he’d dropped earlier. “Course not! Père or no, I still have plenty of focus to beat you.”

Nino let out a playful scoff. “Sure, dude. We’ll see who beats who this time.”

Adrien chuckled and positioned himself on the couch, and the two jokingly counted down before starting the next match.

Keeping Nino in the dark about Marinette wasn’t something Adrien enjoyed- they were best friends, after all -but he didn’t want to risk talking about her now. The class was only just now starting to be suspicious of Lila, and even then, it was light, joking. They weren’t serious about it yet. If they knew he was meeting up with Marinette, the person they still weren’t entirely fond of, it might serve as a disadvantage to him. What if they stopped listening to him because he was talking with her? He couldn’t take that chance. He needed to get his feet planted firmly on the ground before taking any rash steps forward.

That said, he did need to take some sort of step forward. Lila trying to make a deal with him last week was extremely reassuring, since it meant that she herself thought of him as a threat, but he also knew that he couldn’t slack off because of it. Muttering over her shoulder wasn’t going to work forever, and if he didn’t find a way to crank up the pressure soon, she would start countering his subtle attacks. Maybe he could start talking to people directly? While they were alone. He could talk to them more about Lila and ask if her stories are suspicious.. But what if he talks to the wrong person? Depending on who he conversed with, they might round on him in an instant, and his plan would crumble again. No, he needed to be careful about this. He needed to start with someone he could trust.

“....So,” Adrien glanced at Nino, because who better to start with than his best friend? “what are your thoughts on Lila?”

If Adrien wanted to change everyone’s opinion of Marinette and Lila, he supposed he would have to know those opinion’s first, and Nino, he felt, was the perfect candidate for that. He was a chill, relaxed person, who pretty much liked everybody. (Everybody except Adrien’s father, that is.) His opinion of Lila should be similar to an average of everyone else’s opinion, and Adrien could use that as an estimation of Lila’s- hopefully decreasing -popularity.

Nino scrunched up his nose, clearly confused by the change of subject. “Lila? I mean, she’s alright. Pretty nice. Alya really likes her.”

Adrien nodded thoughtfully. That was about what he expected him to say. “What do you think about her stories? It seems like she’s been everywhere, doesn’t it?”

Nino snorted. “Right? She says she knows everybody and anybody. It’s pretty crazy.”

Adrien’s eyes widened slightly, though Nino didn’t notice. ‘She says she knows everybody’? Not ‘she knows everybody’? If Adrien didn’t know any better, he might say that sounded a little bit like doubt.

“You don’t believe her?” He asked, carefully.

“No, no, I do.” Nino rushed to say, ignoring the game console that was now blinking ‘defeat’ on his side. “It’s just.. you know.. crazy. She’s been all over the world, knows all these different people, and she’s only fifteen. And she kept up with the school the whole time. It sounds like a lot.”

“Yeah, it definitely does.” Adrien agreed, setting his controller aside and hiding a smile. “And now, she’s been taking up the job as class president, even though she’s still planning charity events and working at homeless shelters and hanging out with Alya and the rest of the girls and doing homework.. It makes you wonder how she fits it all into her schedule.”

Nino chuckled. “Yeah, I- It’s.. I don’t know. I definitely couldn’t do it. What about you, though? What do you think about her? You seem to be really interested in her lately.”

Adrien had to bite the inside of his cheek to avoid laughing. Interesting was a word.

“Ah, well.. I guess I’m just curious about her more than anything. I’m a model who goes places and meets people all the time, and I haven’t met nearly as many famous people as she has. I wanna learn how she’s managed to not get in any news or magazines so far-”

Bzzt. Bzzt.

Adrien paused mid-word to whirl around and check his phone. He was honestly preparing himself for the disappointment already- why would this time be any different? -when his eyes landed on the tiny speech bubble that represented his text messaging app. His insides leaped at this sight, and he tried to swallow his excitement as he tapped the notification. Was it her? Had she finally texted him?

Marinette’s name splayed across the top of the screen, and it took every ounce of discipline for Adrien not to leap off the couch and cheer. She’d texted him! Marinette had finally texted him back!

~Hey, sorry it took me so long to text you. I’ve been helping my friends out with something. If you want, I can meet up with you at (something) café for lunch on Feb. 15th? Does that work for you?~

Lunch! Adrien wanted to scream. She was inviting him to lunch! Marinette did want to hang out with him more! This was perfect!

He quickly texted her back. 

~That sounds great! I’ll see you then ;D~

Adrien hadn’t even checked his schedule yet, but that didn’t matter. He was making this lunch date no matter what. Then he could talk with Marinette about his plans and maybe convince her to come back and-

“Was that your dad?” Nino asked, breaking Adrien from his thoughts yet again. That was probably a good thing though. He shouldn’t be getting too ahead of himself. From the way things looked, Marinette was really enjoying her new school life. It will probably take a lot of convincing to get her to come back. For now, he needed to take things slowly.

Slowly.

“Oh, yeah.” Adrien said, cool as a cucumber. “He was just telling me about my next photoshoot.”

“Another one? It’s not going to stop us from hanging out, is it?”

“No, no, it shouldn’t.” Not that he knew of, anyway. The only thing his meeting with Marinette would hopefully affect was everyone’s opinions of Lila. 

Nino relaxed slightly at the answer. “Good. He over-works you way too much. You should ask for a raise or something.”

 Adrien laughed. “I think I’d rather keep the time off that he gives me. Anyway, you ready to play another round? You lost, so now you have to catch back up.”

Nino eyed his controller with a slight smile. “Whatever, man, you know I’m gonna pass you up without a problem.”

“Sure you are.” Adrien smirked. “Just like how you were gonna pass me up last round.”

Nino laughed and snatched his controller up. “Oh, it’s on, dude.”

~~~~~~

Allegra drew in a deep breath, reveling in the scent of the special candles she’d ordered. Patchouli and Rosewood- the perfect thing to accentuate the rose bouquets delicately placed on the round tables and encourage the romantic mood for their party. With the lights dimmed and everyone dancing together on top of that, hearts were bound to be captured, and she couldn’t wait to see it, especially when it came to a particular pair.

Allegra set her candle down and subtly glanced over her shoulder at Felix and Marinette, who were currently stringing up the last stream of hearts on the other side of the room. They were both laughing and talking together, completely comfortable as Felix held the ladder steady and Marinette pinned her last balloon at the end of the stream. It was a cliché couple, really- the stoic, uptight rich boy falling hard for the sweet, adorable bakery girl -but Allegra was determined to see it work out. She’s always prided herself on getting unlikely people together, and these two were going to be her ultimate achievement. Of course, at this point, she supposed she could hardly call them an unlikely couple. They’ve been rather in-step with each other as of late. What with their muttering to each other during group-hang outs and sharing secret looks and sitting near each other on a regular basis. She might be inclined to be excited for the progress if she had any idea as to why they were suddenly so close. Last week, Felix was still gritting his teeth about being caught looking at Marinette, yet today, he’s talking and smiling and laughing with her openly. Laughing! Felix doesn’t laugh. He scowls and hisses and maybe smirks when he’s in a good mood, but he doesn’t laugh. Something monumental must have happened between the two that would encourage him to do so. So what was it? When was it? Her entire body was itching to know, and the fact that she knew she couldn’t ask only made it worse. If she tried to ask Felix about the event, he might clam up again, regressing the friendship. If she tried to ask Marinette about the event, the ravenette would probably become flustered or more hyper aware of Felix’s subconscious advancements, which, again, would probably regress the friendship. She was stuck either way.

“They’re driving me crazy.” She finally said, knowing the boys would hear her. If she couldn’t confirm her theories about Felix and Marinette’s interactions, she would rant about them to Claude and Allan instead.

As usual, Claude was the first to respond, glancing up from the party favors she had him arranging to ask, “What? Who’s driving you crazy?”

Allegra turned to him with a sigh and tilted her head ever-so-slightly in the “lovebirds’” direction. “They are. They’re acting differently than they were before, and I don’t know why.”

Claude straightened to glance over her shoulder for a moment, his brows furrowing slightly.

“You mean Felix and Marinette? They look the same to me.”

Allegra scrunched up her nose with a scoff. “What do you mean they look the same? You think Felix just laughs like that on a regular basis?”

Allan wandered over to their conversation then, also watching Marinette and Felix. The blond and ravenette didn’t even look up from the hearts on the wall, which was another big sign that they were becoming increasingly engrossed in each other. Felix was normally highly aware of his surroundings, as was Allegra, and he usually would have noticed the trio’s stares by now. But he didn’t, because he was too busy looking at Marinette instead.

“They have been a bit chummy lately.” Allan agreed, bringing a smile to Allegra’s lips. At least someone besides herself was paying attention.

“Well, yeah, but we knew that already.” Claude said. “They like each other, don’t they? Of course they would be chummy.”

“Yes, but not like that.” Allegra insisted. “Whether Felix likes her or not doesn’t change the fact that he’s technically being open around all of us right now. Isn’t that a bit strange to you? Besides, we still don’t actually know for sure that Marinette has a crush on Felix.”

Claude gave her a look. “What? I thought you said that she got all blushy and stuff when you talked about Felix at the sleepover.”

“She was, but Marinette gets blushy about a lot of things. And I was talking about how comfortable Felix is around her. That would probably make any girl blush.”

“She has a point,” Allan spoke up, “but I do think she might like him. She always gets this certain vibe when he’s around.”

“Oh, it’s definitely a possibility.” Allegra agreed. “You can totally spot the little ‘glow’ she gets when he talks with her, and even that’s improved since Felix changed things up.”

Claude’s eyes widened as he glanced at the pair again, seeming to study them closer this time. “Do you think she’s glowing more because he’s changed?”

“I’d say so,” Allegra answered, tapping her finger to her lip, “But what I want to know is why he changed and when. It can’t have been anything short of last week, because they only started acting this way recently, but what could have happened that we didn’t see? We’ve been with them the whole time.”

“Maybe they’ve been hanging out by themselves?” Allan suggested. “They’re not tied to us, you know.”

“I know, but wouldn’t we have heard about it? Marinette sends us pictures and such all the time. She would have mentioned her and Felix hanging out by themselves.”

Unless Marinette simply didn’t want to offend them, but Allegra still didn’t buy that explanation. As far as she knew, Felix and Marinette’s shift happened sometime after the sleepover, if not right after. It was as though they’d fallen asleep as usual, then woke up as different people entirely when it came to each other. So whatever happened must have happened during the sleepover.. but when? They were all together most of the night. Allegra supposed it could have happened during Hide and Seek, when they were all spread across the mansion, but moments like those were too quick and too tense and she certainly would have noticed Felix’s change in behavior then. That left her with.. A dead end, because the rest of the night, Marinette and Felix were always with one of the trio, even when they were all sleeping.

Unless the two hadn’t been sleeping..

“I don’t think we should overthink it.” Allan said, lightly nudging his shoulder into Allegra’s. “Marinette seems happier around Felix, and Felix is definitely happier around Marinette, so I say we take the win and let them keep getting closer on their own.”

“I agree.” Claude chimed in, surprising Allegra. He normally enjoyed meddling in others’ affairs as much as she did. “If they’ve made it this far without us getting too involved, they're bound to confess to each other at tomorrow’s party, especially with the ‘fake date’ we have planned for them.”

A smile found its way back onto Allegra’s lips. So he did intend to meddle. He just didn’t want to overthink Felix and Marinette’s sudden progress. She should have known. 

“That reminds me: I still have to finish arranging that.” Allegra remarked.

She spun on her heel, leaving the boys to their tasks again, and began crossing the room to Felix and Marinette. Their chuckles and smiles quieted down as she approached, but she paid it no mind. Felix was mostly the one to stop laughing, anyway.

“Are you guys all done?” Allegra inquired, not missing the way Felix gently touched Marinette’s arm to help her get off the ladder.

Marinette flashed her a smile. “Yep! We just finished the last streamer. What’s next?”

Allegra let out a hum. “Well, Felix still has to write all of those ‘thank you’ letters for the party favors-”

A tired sigh left the blond.

“-and we have to set up the caterer’s foods, but they aren’t coming in till tomorrow. So I think we’re pretty much done. Claude and Allan are just now finishing their last tasks too.”

“Oh, good!” Marinette beamed. “The place looks great already. I can’t wait to see everyone’s reactions tomorrow.”

Allegra smiled. “Neither can I. By the way, since everything’s practically set up, you two can go ahead and stay home until the party starts. That way you both have time to get ready.”

A hint of concern flicked across the ravenette’s features as she knitted her eyebrows together. “Are you sure? I don’t mind coming in early with you guys.”

“I do,” Felix cut in, a slight smirk on his lips as he added, “and I will gladly take the extra free time.”

Allegra smirked as well, because she knew that comment had to be for Marinette’s viewing pleasure. He wouldn’t have had a smirk otherwise, nor would he have held that mischievous glint in his eyes.

Of course, Marinette breathed out a chuckle and briefly rolled her eyes, capturing Felix’s attention immediately. She then offered Allegra a meaningful smile. 

“Well, if you change your mind, you can always text me.”

“Of course, but in case I don’t, why don’t you have Felix pick you up for the party tomorrow? Since you’re both not going to be arriving until later.”

Marinette and Felix exchanged a look, as though they were silently asking each other’s opinions, and Allegra had to hold back a snort. They were already reading each other and communicating in their own way. It was too cute and all too obvious. How did Claude not notice the difference earlier?

“I wouldn’t mind if you need a ride,” Felix finally spoke, pulling his shoulders up in a slight shrug, “but it’s your decision.”

Allegra swallowed a coo and glanced to the side, because this person in front of her who used to be dead-set on not helping anyone or scowling the whole way was being incredibly considerate, and she desperately needed a before-and-after video.

Marinette smiled up at him. “A ride would be nice, thanks. That way I don’t have to bother Maman or Papa about taking me at the end of their work shift.”

It was just the answer Allegra wanted to hear. Felix will be the first one to see Marinette in her new dress, and he will have plenty of time to become flustered over it during their drive to the party. Missing Felix’s face when he went to fetch Marinette was going to be a shame- since he himself mentioned how stunning she would look -but if they were lucky, perhaps he’ll still be wearing the expression when the two arrive.

“Great! I’ll call my driver so we can start getting ready to leave then.” Allegra said with a smile.

Marinette nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll go grab my purse and put up the ladder.”

“I’ll put up the ladder.” Felix cut in, already moving to close it. 

A frown tugged at the corner of her lips. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. They like their tools to be put back a certain way.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks, then.”

Allegra watched Marinette walk off, feeling a fresh wave of determination.. Gosh, they were already acting like they were in love with each other. Well, Felix was at least. Marinette was about that kind to anyone. Either way, things were going smoothly now, and it should only take a carefully-timed push for the two to really get the ball rolling. 

Valentine’s Day, Marinette and Felix being dressed up, both of them being alone together while dressed up, the sudden closeness- finally, all of her plans were coming together. The only thing that could possibly make this better was if Cupid himself came out to see them swoon over each other. 

That wasn’t going to happen, of course, but it didn’t need to, because Allegra was going to be glad to take his place.

Tag List:  @artbyknigit @athena452 @nickristus-dreamer @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @arsaem @abrx2002 @neakco @pawsitivelymiraculous @too0bsessedformyowngood @nathleigh @lusicing @officiallydarkgeek @all-mights-asscheeks @tbehartoo @woe-is-me0 @raeuberprinzessin @lazuli-11 @miss-chaos27 @trippingovermyfeet @sadpotatoondrugs @ladybug-182 @jaggedheart11 @marinahrasauce @i-need-blog-ideas @thewheezingbubbledragon @crazylittlemunchkin @unabashedbookworm @moonystars14 @sunflowers-and-mooncakes @2confused-2doanything @magnificentcrapposts @moonnette @nickristus-dreamer @vixen-uchiha @casual-darkness @luxmorningstarr @jjmjjktth @kaithehero @itsme1598 @theymakeupfairies @xjaccyx @miraculous-ninja @miraculouspenta @swiftie-miraculer13 @justafanwarrior @all-mights-asscheeks @ira-sairain @lookatthestars1 @dahjokester @blissful-passing @solangelo252 @canivialemonsquints07  @derbygracie  @pleaseignorejustheretoread 

[ketamineharry]

Home ~ Harry Lewis

Requested: Yes ~ Do you think you could do something where the reader is in the army (for about 2 years), and she surprises the Sidemen/Harry? Maybe its organised from Mrbeast etc (idk why, but i love Jimmy, and i could see him doing that) Trigger Warnings: Some talk of war Word Count: 948 (my longest one yet! I hope you all enjoy. I loved writing this one!!)

It had been two years since you had what some people would call, a “normal life”, you had decided to follow your dream of becoming a nurse in the army. You absolutely loved tending to your country’s heroes. Knowing that you were doing your part filled you with a joy, that you were unsure any other job could provide.

However, living your dream had come at a cost. You weren’t able to visit home anywhere near as much as you had liked. You loved going home to your boyfriend, Harry, and your family. But, every single time you went back home you knew that it come at a cost. Having to say goodbye. You knew that it was a sad occasion for everyone involved. But, everyone else had someone else they could find some comfort in, your family had each other and Harry had his best friends and YouTuber’s the Sidemen. 

Who did you have? Your work colleagues. The only solace you could find within that, is that you knew every other person in your immediate surroundings had to go through the same thing. Which is why this time, you didn’t want to go home when your leave finally came around. You had decided that you were going to stay in Somalia, perhaps try out some of the culture that you hadn’t had the chance to experience yet and just Face Time your family and Harry when you had the chance.

That was the plan, and you had stuck to it for a few days, until you received a text from Harry’s friend, Simon.

Hey, I just thought that I’d let you know that Harry really misses you. I know he tries not to say or show anything because he knows how much this job means to you. But, choosing to stay out there when you have leave is a low blow. 

Deep down you knew what Simon was saying was right. You were being selfish because you didn’t want the pain, but the time that you had with the people that you loved was worth the pain of having to say goodbye and so much more. 

Hey Simon, yeah, you’re right! I was thinking maybe we could surprise Harry? When are the next time that you guys are filming? I’ll make sure to be on the next available flight beforehand and I’ll surprise him after the video.

You hit send on the text and began to get your belongings together to go back home. You were filled with such an excitement, that you could barely hear the ding of your phone notifying you that you had another text.

The boys and I were thinking perhaps you could surprise him in the video? That way you’ll be able to watch the video back when you miss each other, and you’ll remember just how good it feels to come back home the next time you’re contemplating not coming back when you have leave. Let me know if you’d be comfortable doing that

Now, this was an idea. You didn’t like being in many videos, preferring to keep your relationship with Harry private. But, this was an exception, this wasn’t for anyone else but you and Harry. 

-

You had arrived back in London the night before the Sidemen boys were due to film. Despite being incredibly tired and stressed due to the immense pressure you had put on yourself, you knew that you had to do this... For Harry. Simon had been kind enough to let you crash at his and JJ’s apartment. As, usually when you went home you’d be going back to Harry’s. Which would have defeated the purpose of you coming home in the first place.

Currently, you were hiding behind a green screen that the boys were using to film a video for their YouTube channel, if you were completely honest, you didn’t have a clue what was going on. You just didn’t have the time you would have liked to support your boyfriend and his career when you were on duty. Nevertheless, you were in your element secretly watching from the sidelines.

It was extremely hard to keep the laughter in, especially because the video they were filming involved forfeits. Which, Harry had taken the brunt of. 

Soon enough, the boys were wrapping up the video. 

“Now, Harry it’s not all bad news. I know you’ve done the majority of the forfeits but we’ve got a surprise for you. Which will make it all worth it.” Josh comments. “You just need to close your eyes.” 

You assume Harry had followed the instructions he was given, as JJ comes to collect you and brings you around to the front of the camera. Making you extremely nervous as you had no experience of being in front of the camera; not on this scale anyway. 

“Now we’re going to countdown from three, and you can open your eyes Bog.” Tobi says. 

3 2 1

Harry opens his eyes looking at Simon a little bit dumbfounded. Simon then looks the opposite direction and a massive smile engulfs his face. Causing Harry to look in the same direction as him. 

Despite the cameras, you felt yourself running towards him. You knew that you had missed Harry but you just didn’t know how much until he was right back in front of you.

He takes you in his arms and lifts you off of the ground, taking you in. In this moment, nothing else mattered. Not the cameras, not the video, not even the other boys. You were safe. He was here. You loved him. As long as he was here, you would always have a reason to come home.

[fuzzyblizzardkitty]

I have successfully managed to run macos 10.15 under VMware on windows 11. it was painful and hardly worth it in any practical sense, but it was also really fun. apple please stop fighting with Nvidia so I can just dualboot macos and not have it run at 20fps in VMware with visual glitches. I couldn't even get the edit feature in Photos to work, but from a quick glance at it, it looks really promising.

I always thought that macs were for artists but upon actually tinkering in macos for a few hours, they're actually just. for school. there's literally great (at first impression at least) tools for maths and graph plotting. basically a built in desmos. and then there's the dictionary which is a small thing but seems really nice to have. built in dictionary in all your languages. offline and quickly accessible. much more convenient then googling. and even then, in many apps you can just Google selected text by pressing the very top button in the context menu. neat

another really obvious positive is UI design. it's great. apple is still the best at UI design, and also consistency, which again, is pretty neat

what I found to be not as good is that apparently there is no way to set up my printer (no drivers that run on 10.15, which isn't even a new version at all. everything's outdated) and support for my Wacom tablet was worse than in windows. additionally, I couldn't get my mic to work, but I think it's purely because of me using a vm or otherwise not an actual Mac.

annoyingly the dynamic wallpapers are way off the actual lighting behind my window so that's disappointing lmao

and also there are problems with my apple id but I cannot say for sure whether they are caused by using a vm, or it's just apple being stupid.

also I couldn't connect my phone for some reason, I really don't see why that didn't work at all and I didn't look into it for the lack of need

I did manage to sign into app store and man. there's so much junk there ohmygod lmao. sadly darkroom, which is an app I really wanted to try for a while now, is macos 11+ only. which I find really confusing since I thought . we were. still on 10? idunno

the color calibration tool felt like a truck hitting me straight in the face. I consider myself really resistant to math jargon and stuff but that. was. brutal. I walked away not having a tiniest idea of what I just witnessed, which doesn't happen to me usually. mayhaps something to look into for fun. good thing about this is, people who know what that is all about, are probably happy with the sheer amount of detail they provide on color profiles. it is immense

I find it funny that they include a shitty lookin chess game with the installation lol

quicklook is priceless

why can't I create text files with right click.. that's dumb. I suppose I have Notes. which is a cool app. oh, apparently you can't create .txt files at all?? like I mean, it's not a saving format option in the text editor. why? why is .rtf the default one? why does it have .doc?????? really weird stuff

I like the tagging system in finder.app I wish they brought it to explorer.exe (extensions added for clarification of what os I'm talking about)

I think I will try updating the system next. I think I used a distro to install it (it looks vanilla but I will advise strongly against using anything that's not 100% official. I just could never figure it out)

windows task manager >>>>> (w11 update sucks tho. used to be the most stable and lightweight app, and now it has visual glitches even)

[howdoyousleep3]

Here I am writing a sappy love note to all of you even after I said I wouldn’t do this, but it brings me happiness to show love to others and this year was pretty challenging and we deserve this. 

I don’t even know how to begin to explain what this page and this fandom and all of you mean to me. Before I had this fandom in my life I was sad. I had no hobbies, I went to work, I came home, I dicked around on the internet; there were very few things that brought me much happiness. 

What started with finding this fandom and writing a little Daddy Steve that I wanted to see on “paper” has brought me such incredible amounts of joy and happiness. Never have I ever felt so loved and appreciated. I know I started my blog in November (i think??) of 2019 but 2020 is where we’ve grown. Look, I hit this moment last week–

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

You make me feel cherished here. You make me feel adored. You support me in a way I’ve never experienced before. Writing brings me joy but you supporting my writing and loving on it brings me the most joy. You’ve helped me grow as a person and as a writer and you have helped me create these worlds that we cherish together and share as one. 

This is a special place for me and it is because of you and I’ll never be able to repay you for the happiness you bring me. 

Here are a few people I want to shoutout specifically while I have the time to do so. This is going to be so long, bear with me plz:

@cantabile-l, you are the softie we all dream to be, my precious jo bean. You are intelligent and so very sensitive to others in the best way possible and I hold you and our friendship so close to my heart. I love you.

@maddiewritesstucky, you are my sister soul mate and nothing will convince me otherwise. You show me immense support, you bring me so much sexual frustration, and I am baffled I can be so close to someone when we’ve literally never even met in person. Lord help everyone in Hawaii when we meet up god knows when. I love you. 

@ixalit, you are my bub, my poet, my porn provider. You have a soul so deep and broad I swear it stretches over here to me in my state. I can only hope that you continue to share your talent and love with the world. I love you. 

@musette22, you are my sweet sweet minniebug and your friendship came at a time when I needed it most. You always know exactly what to say to me at the exact time I need to hear it and seeing your texts on my phone when I wake up in the morning makes me smile. I will always be hear to listen to your Seb and Chris shouts. I love you. 

@rainbowsandcoconut, my baby Ditte there are very few people that make me laugh and smile more than you do. There is no one else in this world who loves Chris Evans more than you do either, stg. Even if we don’t talk every day I feel your presence in my corner nonetheless and I hope you feel mine as well. I love you. 

@imlittlebitdie, Riley bb when I think of the word support I immediately think of you. You are so thoughtful and a pillar of support in my life. You have taught me how to be a good friend, so much about privilege, and the intricacies of hockey. I love you. 

@andysmountains, my lizard-loving plant-loving dose of sunshine. You are so special to me and our friendship is a light in my life as well as the pictures of your kitties and plants. I can’t wait for the plant tour. #BuckyBear4Life

@sheetsforwhichimmade, oh god Soph I know we just recently and drunkenly confessed our love for each other but I must do it again at such a time. Your James/Stevie brain blows my own mind, your texts about Boyfriend make me scream, and seeing your name show up on my phone makes me so happppppyyyyy. I love you. 

@doctorenterprise, my Daddy Twin, my fellow Ball Gobbler, I know our friendship was just kindled but there isn’t a conversation that I have had with you that hasn’t made me giggle or smile. You are the ultimate hypeman, you have the Daddy Brain, and I can’t wait to continue on into 2021 with you by my side. 

@ceratonia-siliqua! My honeybun! You have the largest heart that anyone has ever had and I wish I could drive across the country just to snuggle you close. I hope 2021 treats you better. You deserve the best things life has to offer. I love you. 

@becassine​, my sweet bratty Bex where did you come from? You are literally the most beautiful creature I’ve ever set eyes on, your way with words is unmatched, and no one else hypes like you do. I hope you get all the lovin’ and touchin’ you deserve in 2021. Thank you for loving me. I love you. 

@thegodswife​, Manda you are such a constant source of, “i’m not crazy, right??”. Your hype is unreal, I don’t know how you don’t have more attention given to your work, and you are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. I love you. 

@hannah-stagram​ My sweet baby Hannah Banana you are someone who I feel understand me on a different level than some others. You are sweet, you are caring, you show me so much love and kindness. Your random hype texts on some mornings bring such a smile to my face. I love you.

@hanitrash​, giiiiirl I don’t know how you do it. You work, you have a family, you write some of the best smut out there and the ideas never stop flowing. You are inspirational. I miss you and love you. 

@trekchik​, my Meetcute Queen I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us in 2021. Thank you for all the support this year. I miss you and love you. 

@rorybarnesrogers​, rory baby I lub talking to you almost every day. You are so fucking funny and supportive and I can’t wait to read that damn story. I love you. 

@the1918​, Lynne even with us talking things out now, my happiest fandom memories this year most definitely include you. Your talent is unparalleled, as is your hype, and I only wish the best for you in the next year. 

Even more love goes out to all of these beautiful beautiful people who bring a smile to my face every day who I love with all of my being! 

@ywecanthavenicethingsanymore @hawkeyeandthewintersoldier @sunflowersstan @fishcustardandclintbarton, @thiccbuckybarnesfic, @babyyhoneyydarling​, @tae-withsuga​, @hbalbat​, @tonguetiedmisfit1​, @martelldoran​, @kalee60​, @martianjuice​, @darter-blue​, @crownofstardustandbone​, @solasnagealai-escapism​, @stardi293​, @cuteplanties​, @sweeterthanthis​, @fandomfluffandfuck​, @willbakewithstucky​, @thewaythatwerust​, @softestziam​, @ozarkthedog​, @seb-stan-lover​, @fafulous​, @littlesurfergrl​, @pixidustprincess​, @dreadlockholiday​, @maireadtbts​, @korean-disaster​, @allegedlyann​, @hoeforthegays​, @justice-for-plums​, @mossystark​

I know I’m forgetting someone and it’s gutting me but I have been working on this for three hours now and I must eat din din. 

I love you I love you I love you. 

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences

Words: 2.2K~

Summary: A series of shorts detailing what might’ve happened in the moments after I Am My Monster, told from six different points of view.

Greg apparently had a LOT on his mind, because this was supposed to be short and instead it’s over 2000 words, ahah. Final chapter!

If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

Chapter warning: Allusions to past non-canon character suicide.

____

Chapter 6: Greg

Hours pass.

Bismuth makes quick and quiet work of replacing the cracked slider door in Steven’s room while he sleeps, and secures a thick tarp over the open front of the house to keep the coastal breeze somewhat at bay until she can finish her repairs to the windows and siding. She warns that might take a day or two. Garnet, meanwhile, busies herself the rest of the afternoon and evening fielding all of the Diamonds’ frazzled calls, and reassuring them of the boy’s current stability. Pooling their knowledge, Dr. Maheswaran and Peridot make sure to confirm that. Beyond some minor scarring, neither his organic or Gem half seems to exhibit any serious physical health conditions in consequence of what happened today, news which works to ever so slightly lift the air of the household. With no other concrete tasks to complete, Pearl, Amethyst, Lapis, Connie, and Greg all rotate between sweeping debris off the floor, wandering the beach to mentally recuperate, and dutifully sitting at Steven’s side as he rests. It may not sound like a lot, but alas the level of emotional labor demanded by such a situation is immense.

All in all, the sun’s long since dipped below the horizon by the time Greg finally collapses onto the mattress laid out in the back of his van, craving if but a moment of privacy and respite from all the chaos. It’s been... an insufferably long day, to put it lightly. Busy. Tons of cleaning, and intercepting nosy neighbors, and bedside monitoring...

He offered to take the first night shift watching Steven a few minutes ago, but Pearl must’ve noticed the dark circles creeping ever wider under his eyes, because she proceeded to gently overturn his offer and remind him of humanity’s daily sleep requirement. And she’s right, of course. He can’t stay up as long as he used to in his twenties anymore. Plus, he probably deserves some time to himself after everything that’s transpired. There’s plenty of Gems left in the house who can keep watch, after all. Steven will be fine for a few hours. Surely nothing else can happen when he’s asleep, right?

 Right??

Exhaustedly slumping against the side wall, Greg offers a glassy, vacant stare at the contacts list of his phone, roughly wiping the damp from his cheeks with his other hand as his thumb hovers over one of the numbers. Does he dare drag someone else into this whole situation? Surely the kinder solution would be to refrain from widening the circle any more, from letting anyone else learn about today’s harrowing events. And yet if he fails to find a proper outlet for the raw emotions all of this has violently hauled to the surface, he fears he just may suffer a mental break himself, repressed memories bursting like a vicious flood through the dam he desperately tried to seal them behind all those years back. Much of this is just... far too familiar.

His phone slips right through his trembling hands as the cruel reality of what he witnessed today finally begins to carve its indelible presence in his mind. A strained sob leaking from between his tightly pursed lips, he buries his head between his knees, clutching at the worn bottom hem of his jean shorts like an infant to a parent’s finger. Small. Vulnerable.

Helpless.

His son... oh stars, his only son, he—

He can’t talk about any of this to the Gems; they wouldn’t wholly grasp the uniquely human nature of his concerns. And he doesn’t feel comfortable discussing these matters with Dr. Maheswaran, especially not after the stern words she dealt to him back at the hospital. He’s burdened her enough already, by this point. No, there’s only one fellow human he feels close enough with to engage in this sort of conversation.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, he reaches for the phone he dropped on the mattress. Turns it on. Nervously clamps down on his bottom lip as he selects his cousin’s contact and dials.

The passing heartbeats slamming against his ribs are almost nauseating in their needy clamor as he waits, his calloused fingers tapping against the thick rubber of his phone case. Andy’s never been a particularly tech savvy guy, so honestly, it’s well within reason he might not even carry his phone on his person to answer. And that’d be fine, really. In fact, he might even prefer it, since he’s still not confident he’s emotionally prepared to discuss any of this at this precise moment, anyways. But just as he’s beginning to undergo mental preparations for what on Earth he might leave as a voicemail message, his older family member finally picks up.

“Greg?” Andy’s gravelly voice rings through, sounding somewhat tinny through their connection. “Hey, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? How’s the ol’ Universe family unit doin’?”

“Not great, honestly,” he narrowly manages in response, his throat constricting tight. “That’s kinda why I’m calling, if you have the time to listen?”

“Heh. I’m a drifter, you know I ain’t got no schedule. Carry on.”

“Well... geeze, how do I put this. There was, uh... a bit of an incident today. With Steven.”

“An incident?” his cousin questions, marked worry immediately painting his tone. “The kid okay??”

He falls silent for a few seconds upon this question, threading his hyperactive digits through the split ends in his hair on automatic, a stress-induced habit. “Unclear,” he says, a slight quiver making itself intimately known in his words. “I mean, physically, at the moment, yes, but—“

He cuts off once more. It suddenly occurs to him that little of today’s events would make sense to Andy without providing the appropriate context. Or, at least, what little context he’s capable of giving as a father. It’s still terrifying to admit the truth to himself— that he doesn’t possess the full story. That he hasn’t been paying close enough attention. That, in many ways, he willfully blinded himself to all the troubling events transpiring around his son throughout the years, foolishly believing that if he didn’t involve himself... that if he simply stayed out of the Gems’ hair... everything would go to plan, and Steven would finally receive the training he needed. He didn’t expect things would grow so complicated.

He didn’t expect that his teenage son would have to march into battle carrying nothing but his wits and a shield time and time again.

With a weary sigh and a quick apology, to which Andy brushes off, Greg begins to weave a verbal picture of everything that’s transpired across the last few days. First, the hospital call. Rushing home from tour, only to find his son giant and flushed pink, literally filling an entire room with the sheer volume of his trauma. The shattered x-ray in his chart, hinting towards hidden hurts that— before all this— even Steven seemingly hadn’t processed or quantified. Then, the road trip. The unwanted reminders of his childhood. That blasted CD. His expression sobers as he describes the fateful argument they had on the road home, one which lead to his son accidentally breaking the steering wheel and flipping the van. Next... his disappearance. No texts for four whole days, which is so unlike him. He was worried sick. And the next time he saw him, he was eight feet tall, glowing, and painfully manic in behavior, with each new sentence spilling from his mouth revealing an even more heartbreaking picture of the sort of poor mental state he’d spiraled into. It was nothing short of a father’s worst nightmare, propelled into horrifying, vivid reality.

Nothing in this corner of the galaxy could’ve prepared him for the primal surge of terror and anguish he was engulfed within when that nightmare distorted and transformed even further.  

His only son... colossal and coated in thick scales and spines, sclera black as night... roughly clawing at this unfamiliar form, smashing his skull against the cliffside, roaring with an inner pain so primal that the sound now haunts the depths of his very soul—

“I- you remember what happened with cousin Jo, back when we were young?” Greg says softly once he’s caught Andy up with the details of situation, his voice frail and unsteady, the tone of a man helplessly marooned amidst his anxieties. “Before she was sent to that mental rehab place? Well, I’m... with the addition of Gem magic, it almost felt like that. I mean, h-he’s fine for now, we have him resting, but... but I’m just so scared he won’t come out of this, like her, a-a-and that one day he’ll—“

A mewling sob bubbles up in his throat, swiftly severing that train of thought. N-no. No, he refuses to even utter that horrible idea out loud! After all, a world without Steven in it isn’t worth envisioning.

Andy’s eventual response— albeit tinged with a justified shade of awkwardness, given the emotionally charged nature of this conversation— is filled with genuine compassion, and for that he’s dearly thankful.

“Aw, hell... Greg, I’m- I’m so sorry. I, uh- I could fly over, if any of ya’ need me? For emotional support, or whatever?”

Upon this kind offer, he inhales deep to steady his breath, and wipes away dewy beads of moisture from the corner of his eyes, desperately hoping that he can mitigate the pitiful wavering of his voice over the phone. He’s gotta fight to reliably keep some form of composure in front of other people, damnit. His kid can’t have his dad breaking down around him too, of course.

“No, you’ve got places to be,” he replies evenly, pressing his thumb and pointer against one of his aching temples. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You ain’t asking,” he retorts, the eye-roll evident in his tone. “I’m offering. Listen- family takes care of family, y’hear? And I’m only about a day’s flight away, anyways. It’s really the least I could do.”

He sighs. Absentmindedly tugs at a thick strand of his hair. Offers a long, contemplative stare at the rickety age-worn handle affixed to the inside of the van’s back doors. Truth be told— ignoring his deep-seated guilt at dragging Andy into all this to begin with— he’d love having another family member around to embrace, especially a human one who can more deeply understand the crux of his anxieties about this delicate situation. But in the end, he shouldn’t be prioritizing his own feelings and comfort. He’s not the one in crisis, his son is.

Desperately hoping he’s making the right choice, Greg flexes his fingers, and acquiesces to the offer, on one condition: only if Steven consents to having visitors, once he’s awake.

Andy hums in approval. “Understood. Don’t wanna overload the poor guy with any surprise visits, or whatever.”

“Yeah. The last thing I want to do is push him too hard, too fast.”

He pauses, braving waves of parental grief to spend a moment to reflect on Steven’s emotional progression over the past few months... a stray negative comment here, an unusually forlorn mannerism there... All of them events that, in isolation, wouldn’t point to anything more than your standard ‘teenage angst,’ but when observed in strong, unceasing patterns, begin to reveal deeply harrowing truths about the state of an individual’s self-image. How did he never notice? Why wasn’t he there to catch him in his fall?

“I think he hates himself,” he says quietly, his voice hitching up at the end. “He didn’t say so directly, but- but I can sense it. And I don’t know how to help him, I-I... I don’t know if I can.”

“Nonsense,” his cousin scoffs, “‘course ya’ know what to do! What does any good father worth their salt give their sons?”

Unable to evade the momentary temptation of feeling miserable and sorry for himself, he slumps back against the wall, giving a weak shrug that his current audience would never see.

“I dunno, maybe a stable, safe childhood? Not growing up poor as dirt in a van?”

“No, you numbskull,” Andy immediately cuts back, “you love on ‘em and support ‘em just as much as you always have! Y’ show him that you’re always gonna be there for him, and that he can trust you with anything.”

“But I haven’t always been there for him,” he exclaims petulantly. “That’s the whole problem! That’s one of the reasons he ended up like this.”

“Greg,” he says, his voice softer this time. “Listen to me, ain’t nobody perfect, okay? We’ve all made our mistakes with people. Me? More than most. But what we can’t do is let those mistakes cloud what’s happening right now. Y’know, that’s one of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn over the past two years, that you can’t always make things about you. Because right now, it’s about him. He’s dealin’ with some hard feelings, and he needs all of our help. So, let’s help him. Together. We’ll start with one foot in front of us, and we can take it from there. All right?”

Closing his weary, exhausted eyes and pressing his thumb firm against his still-aching temple, Greg Universe gives a long sigh and finally concedes to the reality that— just as he’s not solely responsible for the decline of his son’s mental state— no man should be an island when it comes to the task of supporting one’s journey towards recovery. As with everything, the extended Universe family unit will face the future together, hand-in-hand. Step-by-step.

“Yeah,” he breathes. “Yeah, I think that’s do-able.”

[btscreatorscorner]

Happy Birthday <3 — Ash

To: @jimilter — On behalf of all our staff at BCC, happy birthday! We love you and want you to know that we not only appreciate you as an admin, but as a friend too. We hope you have a wonderful rest of the year <3

From: Lexi — Heyyyy ik it hasn’t been a while since we’ve known each other but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and that it’s been amazing to have you here in the net! Thank you for everything and I can't wait to spend more time together 💜!!!

From: Melody — Even though we have yet to speak much outside of nets, it’s so clear that you're such a sweet and loving person and I love you🥺 Happy Birthday Ash! You deserve all the love and anyone who thinks different will have to face moi >:(

From: Yannie — Ash bb, happy birthday again you sweetest and most caring human being. You're one of a kind who truly cares of the people around you. I wish you nothing but happiness for this year, ilysm 🥺💖

From: Levi — Happy birthday Ash<3 I know it's a little bit late but I love you with all my heart and I treasure all the moments we've spent and all the conversations we've had together. I know I'm bad at texting back and sometimes I forgot, but I truly do adore you - no matter what. Remember that I'll always be there for you and that you're an absolutely amazing person. Thank you for being my friend and I hope we'll be able to be friends for a long time. 💖 Levi

From: Rid — Lovely Ashkoo, since all good things come in threes (or something), I want to wish you a very happy birthday again! <3 I know I tell you every day how much I love and adore you, but since you deserve every piece of affection, I think not even that will ever be enough. Thank you for being one of my closest friends here, always supporting me, always being ready to help and for writing amazing fics, creating incredible graphics – and for just being you. I luff you mucho and I hope you have the happiest and loveliest year ahead ✨ Your Ridzie 🥰

From: Jords — my sweet lil ash, the biggest and warmest of birthdays to you angel. from everyone ive come to know, you've become a true friend — someone i know i can come too when i need to talk. you're always there and ready with a shoulder to lean on, and i could never thank you enough. there are not enough thank yous or I love yous in the world to conjure up just how incredibly thankful i am for you. thank you for the laughs and love, whether it's 3pm or 3am! you're so supportive to everything, you never have a bad word to say and to be quite honest, you might be the sweetest person tumblr has produced. thank you jimins dick for providing us ash and her ever so horny beautiful writing. knowing you has made my time and experience on dumblr a hell of a lot more meaningful. enjoy your day, i hope you're spoiled to no end. & have a wonderful new year <333 forever n always , jords 🌹

From: Marinette— ASH BABYYY love of my life, apple of my eye, I can't even begin to describe how much you've come to mean to me in such a short amount of time. You’re such an amazing person and an amazing writer, I’m so glad to have found each other in the immensity that is the internet. This year I wish you the very best for this new year that is beginning, I hope this new trip around the sun brings you nothing but joy and fulfill meant and everything you could possibly want from life itself. I wanna shower you with love today (and every day after that tbh) have the happiest birthday baby! 🥳 -Marinette

From: Maya — hi ash! wishing u a very hapi borf from the bottom of my cold, icy heart ♡ thank u for always making me laugh and also, making me wonder myself into an existential crisis. ilysm and i hope your day is amazing! - luv, may

From: Anita— Hey there Ash. A little burst told me you are a december baby, so I HAD to congratulate you. Both on your birthday - ofcuz - but also for being born in the same month as me, muwhaha (I’m joking btw). But for real; congratulations, I hope you had a wonderful time and with more to come. Hopefully we will spend more time together in the new year, cuz you seem so cool fan girl scream. ❤️

[kim-lexie]

crash landing on you.

woah...if a drama ever could crash land, oh i mean ‘descend’ into my heart it was this one. it descended from the greatest drama writers and has been placed into my list of top dramas of all time. like i’m telling you it’s up there with ‘scarlet heart ryeo’, ‘something in the rain’ and ‘mr. sunshine’. seriously it will not disappoint you and i would give it 100 out of 10. 

overview.

this drama follows se-ri, a ceo of an impressive cosmetic-lifestyle brand in seoul. she goes to test drive some of her paragliding products, and a nasty storms ends up sending her to north korea. after landing, she soon meets ri jung-hyuk, a captain in north korea monitoring the boarder. the drama follows him protecting her to deliver her home to south korea, and how their relationship flourishes in the diversity they face from two very different sides of the boarder.

there is romance, family drama, political issues, and cultural differences that are presented in this drama. and i was absolutely there for it all. i ended up writing down my thoughts and fave moments from each episode. because from the start i knew this drama would wreck my heart, and i wanted to look back at all the good times, and times i cried my eyes out of course. so i posted a week-by-week playback from the drama so if you want to see my random thoughts from each week here is the link week-by-week playback.

*spoiler alert* they are ahead, you have been warned.

i have many thoughts, and i am writing this the day i finished the drama. so i will do my best to touch on everything that really struck me throughout this drama. i may even have to go back and update later on, because it is a lot to process.

characters. 

i appreciated that we followed so many characters and that the characters were dynamic and held their own for the plot and development of the story.

ri jeong-hyeok and yoon se-ri. their relationship developed so beautifully. i loved how he had a heart to protect her immediately. from their first meeting and him directing her how to leave the north, and her running towards it just showed their personalities perfectly. once he discovered  that she was still there he was determined to get her out safely, and to protect her no matter the cost. when we come to find that they met long before, it just went to show how deep their connection and destiny was (cue me singing lyn’s ‘my destiny’ from my love from the star at least twice an episode). he saved her life many a times, as well as her saving his. they had so many moments. some of my faves (obvi not a comprehensive list all of their moments, that would be too much for my heart):

her falling from the tree saying he was totally her type. 

how he kept trying to meet her needs even though it was ridiculous and not necessities for the north, but were needs for her as a lady from the south. from making her food, to getting her the candles and body products from the market.

when she was lost in the market and he got a scented candle to lift up to find her.

him keeping her photo even though he called her out saying that it was silly to get extras.

after ri jeong-hyeok got shot protecting her, and their first kiss moment at the hospital. 

when ri jeong-hyeok’s family kidnaps her and they meet again at his family home.

when seri played on the piano and we discovered that it was jeong-hyeok’s song all along, the song for his brother that saved her life. when she contemplated suidcide in switzerland.

when his brother’s watch came full circle, to provide pertinent information in turning in the bad man and being the gift se-ri had bought to gift to jeong-hyeok.

when he followed her to the south to protect her, and they met on the street.

when he and the boys surprised her for her birthday.

him waiting for her after he was taken by the NIS and they allowed him to be at her bedside in the ICU until she woke up from the coma.

him leaving her a fully stocked fridge and writing out recipes for her. along with leaving her text messages for a year. 

him leaving her a recording of him playing the piece on the piano for her to fall asleep, rather than her depending on sleeping medications.

them writing i love you with books on the shelf.

captain ri’s company. i throughly enjoyed the addition of getting to know all of his men. they all developed a friendship with se-ri and it was so precious. and how she gave them all rewards before she was meant to leave the first time, and gifted them things. i loved how they all came to love her and wanted to protect her, which is especially prominent in how they all surround her after she was shot by cheol-gang. 

ju-meok and his love for south korean dramas throughout the episodes was precious. i loved that seri was able to make his dream and gift come true to meet his favorite actress. eun-dong a precious bean, just wanting to see his family, not always knowing what was going on, but always providing emotional support. kwang-beom the handsome face, who blew his cover in the south when all the agencies wanted to recruit him (hahaha). and of course chi-su the one most hesitant to accept her, came to love her most and became the most accustomed to the lifestyle of the south. 

these men tended to provide the perfect comedic relief for many tense moments. their one liners were perfect. i appreciated them coming to the south and trying to get accustomed to blend in. all those scenes were hilarious from them in the stores walking around with their knock off brand names, hours in the internet cafes, sauna stays, and chicken dinners. some notable moments include the birthday celebration scene, when seri thought they had left and gone back to the north and starts weeping on the floor, just for them to come out for the ‘surprise’. and them saying wait ju-meok you said surprises were a good idea but she is crying. another moment being when ri jeong-hyeok was showing seri his scars saying hers won't be too bad, and them walking in thinking something scandalous was happening, (this even happened when captain ri was in the hospital in north korea hahaha).

jeong-hyeok’s family. the storyline behind his brother was kind of dropped, and it was kinda sad because i feel like it shaped jeong-hyeok immensely. but it was so sad that his brother passed in such a tragic way at the hands of cheol-gang. and that it brought jeong-hyeok back from his dream as a pianist to fulfill what he needed to for his family. his father was stern and hilarious in the scene when the two of them finally met again. just being baffled that his only son left was in love with a woman from the south. his mother was so supportive of him, and i loved that. she just wanted her only son to be happy in life and come back alive. 

now seri’s family is whole other story they were WACK. like seriously insane and it was ridiculous. her father and mother redeemed themselves compared to the beginning, once seri returned they kept it in check and wanted the best for her. i loved how the mother and daughter relationship blossomed and how she was there for her daughter in recovery and grieving the loss of jeong-hyeok as he went back to the north. that was beautiful. 

now on to her oppa se-hyeong and his witch of a wife sang-a. they wanted to keep her in the north, then when she was back to send her back/use it against her in business ventures, then tell cheol-gang her address so he could take her. like what?!?! her eldest brother and his wife were oblivious and just wanted money and titles, but dang at least they didnt send an ex NK officer after seri. and it was only until the man-bok wire tapped the room while she was in a coma did it come out that they were truly evil. 

our second otp. seung-jung and seo dan. my goodness what an unexpected pairing, but you know i was on that ship as soon as i saw it developing. i loved how they dished what the other served, and how seung-jung was a different person who wanted to do better by her, seriously they were great. i loved that seo dan saw that she was worthy and deserved to have a man that wanted her and saw her true beauty and qualities that made her a strong and independent woman. and that she didnt need to pursue something that was not vibrant because jeong-hyeok did not pursue her how she deserved, because he had someone else in his heart. i loved this relationship. and i really did not appreciate that we finally had major character development from seung-jung, and then he died. like seriously?! we went from only a few episodes prior going to turn seri into her brother and keep her there in the north. and then he went to protect seo dan and ended up losing his life to protect her. 

the moment he asked her what she was referring to when she said, ‘i like it’. was it jeong-hyeok, was it the ramen, or was it him (seung-jung)?!? and she responded with him, weeping. i weeped like a baby. and then he died in the ambulance. i couldn't contain it.

seo dan’s family. i loved her mother, she provided much comedic relief when it came to how seo dan and jeong-hyeok were originally engaged, to kinda getting on the ship of ‘alberto’, to being like maybe it’s fine if she is alone, let me get myself a man. it was hilarious. i also loved how she went into the village and used her money on the black market to get goods to the ladies of the village. it was quite funny to see how much of the south, she appreciated even though they were pretty high up in status in the north. like the boutiques she went to, and the english phrases, and south korean products she used. 

the women of the village. these women were precious. they were hilarious in how they always prepared the best for jeong-hyeok when he came back from the outpost. i loved how the village banned together to protect seri and how seri made limited edition products in tribute to them. 

the premise and themes.

overall the idea of this concept is wild and completely ridiculous. that she was hidden for so long, that they met before in switzerland of all places, and that it took her weeks to escape the north and it took 8 men 12 hours to get there is ridiculous. but then again if we didn’t have these wild storylines would it really be a drama? 

it was interesting to see their perspective of life in the north, for the duration of the drama i was wondering how much of this is true. from the market to the wiretapping of the homes, to the guards and military structure. it was all very intriguing. and i also have issues with people saying this drama glorified north korea because i would like to see those receipts because i did not see it portrayed as a wonderful place to live. it looked difficult and cold, and terrifying! 

the only thing that humanized it was the people, which is how it is in these situations. the people there, just typical everyday people, do not necessarily reflect the hierarchy of hate portrayed by officials of the government. 

it was so sad at the place that seri was incredibly vulnerable and wanted to take her own life. she insanely depressed and how jeong-hyeok in that precise moment when he was sad and alone wrote a piece of music for his brother that brought her out of her own darkness was beautiful. even though they did not talk or communicate face to face, the heart behind his music brought her out. and they were eventually able to come full circle and meet and grow together. se-ri is an incredible strong character and i wish she had the support she needed from her family and friends. i am glad that jeong-hyeok was able to be there for her, and meet her in her most vulnerable moment on the bridge.

cinematography and episode layout.

i loved the filming of this. like seriously it was beautifully done. from the dynamic scenes in nature and traveling through the forests, to the cityscapes and small moments they highlighted.

i appreciated how we followed the cohesive storyline, but that at the end of each episode we got an extra tidbit to take with us. one of the most noteworthy ones being when the NIS was investigating the ‘spies’/captain ri’s men and looking at all their histories and transactions and places they visited (HILARIOUS). then at the end of that episode it flashed back to the NIS, and now they were looking into jeong-hyeok. and it showed the collective moments that him and se-ri shared and the investigator said that a psychologist viewed all the materials and found to conclude that jeong-hyeok was in love with se-ri. then the lead investigator was like, ‘no duh, you needed a psychologist to tell you that bro. i can see it with my own eyes’. i laughed so hard. 

these end scenes at the end of the episodes were also pivotal in piecing together their histories. and seeing how they had met long ago and that destiny truly brought them together. 

the ending.

i am partially satisfied with the ending. i like how we got to see where everyone went. like even the little things of how man-bok and his family ended up in pyeongyang. and that the village ladies were same old same old even with a new captain showing up. 

i was disappointed that our second otp was ripped apart by those chinese gangsters, because we could have had it all, and not the tragic ending of him protecting her from the bad men and dying a slow painful death and they finally confessed their love for each other. 

i loved that our couple found each other eventually, after years but that it was while she was paragliding, which i freaking called it being like wouldn't that bring us full circle! it was wild and i loved how it ended with them on a picnic enjoying life in a little house with all their photos, because that's how it all started. i wish we could have seen them in the future with their twins, but ya know i’ll take this ending over a scarlet heart ryeo for our main leads.

the ost. 

my goodness i have never had a great drama with a subpar ost tracks. and this one does not fall short. now, i have drama ost playlists each each, and i believe every track from this drama made the list, because *insert slow clap* they are fantastic. my faves:

‘flower’ by yoonmirae.

‘here i am again’ by yerin baek.

‘all of my days’ by sejeong.

‘photo of my mind’ by song ga in.

‘let us go’ by crush. (his tracks always get me)

‘give you my heart’ by iu.

now if you haven't watched it yet go get netflix and watch this one because it will not disappoint. and i will have to rewatch it eventually because it really was perfect. and i am sure there are many easter eggs that i missed. 

[micnerdy]

Complete Guide To Touch Typing- Beginner To Advance

Choosing the right equipment and technology to get you started.

In February of this year, I was following an online computer science course, most of the time the camera is shown on a white screen displayed mostly with presentation slides on a professor's laptop, but every time the professor starts the excode "with code", and the empty window is almost awesome with code punks for the camera because When clicked, you can see the full comprehension, the function that describes each line of code. Keyboard with immense talent, you feel like they know the way around it. It fascinated me and was more than I wanted to touch. For the rest, I went online to find thousands of websites that promised to teach me skills, applications, courses, as well as tons of articles explaining the benefits of touch typing. I will not say that each of them worked for me, the best mix of those that worked was with some learning techniques that I developed over the months. Here they are the first step. Before getting started, if you doubt about your typing speed or you are sure that you type fast (more than average), then visit wpmtest to check your typing speed. Practice daily, see results and improve daily practicing.

You must unlearn.

During the years I was hunting and typing Peking, it was very difficult to switch to the new technique, but for any other skill, it took discipline and sacrifice to touch the type, to the extent that I could. Type all the letters and some punctuation without looking at the keyboard, I used the index finger of my dominant hand for typing, no matter how slow, one hand is always on my lap. It may seem like overkill to some but no matter what, try not to hunt and peck anymore.

For starters, learn with letters, period, and commas

For now, stop caring about numbers and symbols, you can look up the keyboard for them, letters and two punctuation are the most hit keys on the keyboard, you will learn them quickly. Of the dozens of websites that offer step-by-step practice, I found TypeFu and typing.com on every line. With typing.com, you can provide equally structured text in both. Completing the “Beginner Course” from typing.com proves that it is adequate for our current purpose.

Points to consider:

Never put the tip they showed before the start of each lesson. Make sure to make full use of visible keyboards and finger pointers, which can be very useful when you can not find the right finger. Do not hurry, the faster you move the slower. Accuracy, speed follows.

Accuracy, speed follows.

By the end of the beginner course, you should be able to type all the sentences in the whole case and in fewer cases without looking at the keyboard. Once venture time.

Venturing out

Keybr.com

Next, it will enhance your newly learned skills, typing me to type. Keybr is an amazing web app that becomes more complex as you learn the skills. They also have an algorithm that supports their application that builds lessons based on your past performances. After you register in Keyboard, you must enter your initial settings below.

Keybr provides lessons in small explosions. Every day, try to complete at least three lessons in a row without any errors.

Every day, try to complete at least three lessons in a row without any errors

Once it looks very light, increase the complexity and length of the text, starting with the uppercase letters and finally puncturing the letters. Still following the same routine.

Sadly, numbers do not provide lessons in consecutive keys. For this, since you have created it, Typing.com's Intermediate Course> Number of letters, the lesson will be easier to understand.

Typeracer.com

Type Razor holds a special place in the hearts of both emerging and master typists (Barbara Blackburn was the fastest typist), as the name implies, Type Razor is a simple yet effective online game in which you compete with competitors of skill levels such as paragraphs. By typing and as quickly as possible. . What I found more effective was not the race, the practice section. The trick here is to learn the most commonly used words in English by typing them over and over again. Try to complete at least one practice session per day with at least 97% accuracy. Isn’t this correct in the first shot? Do the same lesson.

Pro Tips

Keep your nails small.

To type uppercase letters, place the opposite hand opposite the opposite hand and the letter you are trying to type.

For one or a few keys that you are always missing, consider adding bulbs to those keys, such as pasting a small square top/scotch tape on the key. So know that your brain is reaching for the right key.

Please be patient and take your time

Touch typing is not about typing fast, it's about translating your thoughts fast, because, "If you can not move quickly, your thought will be lost and not go back." May come ".

FAQs

Why is touch typing so hard?

Since your brain does not have to fully process the words you type, your fingers are executing a sequence of movements. The main caution comes from muscle memory; you must learn proper movements before automating them. This is especially true when typing high-frequency words.

Why should I learn to touch type?

Touch-typing means you can type with speed and accuracy without having to look at your hands on the keyboard, which makes touch-typewriters so fast. ... 'Touch-type children work twice as hard as "Hunt and Peck" on the keyboard.

Can you teach yourself to touch type?

You should practice finding it by touching the home key alone. A self-study course provides guidance on what fingers to use to type any key and how to use a combination of key presses to type capital letters and punctuation.

Is it OK to type with two fingers?

Two-finger Typing is good, but it can emphasize you, try anything above 3 fingers, it will not stress you. Hunt and pecking can also cause low accuracy and inaccurate muscle memory. Try to learn typing.

Is typing good for your brain?

You can use touch typing to improve your memory and increase your brain function. Since it is a mental activity that engages many parts of your brain, type touch helps activate new memory muscles and creates a more active and robust cognitive connection, which increases your overall brain capacity and function. Increases. 17-September-2020.

How long does it take to get good at typing?

Practicing once a week or more (15-30 minutes) is equivalent to practicing once a day (15-30 minutes). If you practice regularly and don't give up, you should learn to type simply in 2-3 months, and you should be able to touch type over time (10-15 hours).

What is the 10 finger method?

The 10 finger method is a very well-established technology to use your computer keyboard effectively. With some practice and proper finger positioning, you can type 'blindly' on the keyboard. If you reduce it, you can significantly reduce your error rate and at the same time increase your typing speed.

[thethoughtsfromthreeam]

California

Pairing: Agent Whiskey/Jack Daniels x OC

Warnings: PTSD

A/N:  We’re coming out of the angst mood and this will be the last wholly flashback chapter.  We return to present day in Part 8.  Doesn’t mean there won’t be flashbacks, but the action is now moving forward!

And I can’t believe the number of people who have followed this blog in the last week or so (has it only been that long?) and the people who are liking the posts.  Y’all know how to make a girl feel good. :)

Reminder: I haven’t seen Kingsman: The Golden Circle, so I’m just using the Wikia, IMDB.com, some gifs, and my own weird ass brain to make up this whole ass story.

Tag List:  @zeldasayer , @romanticgumchewer, @tarrevizslas , @coolmaybelateruniverse , @the-feckless-wonder, @lavenderl3mons , @pascalisthepunkest , @mandoandyodito​ , @randomness501 [please message me to be added or subtracted]

[PART 1]  [PART 2]  [PART 3]  [PART 4]  [PART 5] [PART 6]

Part 7 

Road to Recovery

It was the sharp yelp and half sob that startled nurse Cider at her desk. Looking up she realized the sound came from her only occupied bay.  She got up and walked into the room to find Sirah laying awkwardly in the bed, tears trickling down her face.

“You tried to move again, didn’t you?” the nurse asked.  She didn’t need an answer, she already knew it.  She was just being polite.  Sirah gave a slight nod.  She’d been fully conscious for only forty-eight hours, but every moment of it was a cycle of pain and then calmness as the drugs kicked in.  She was in the pain portion of the cycle.

“It’s so hard to breathe, Cider.  I just can’t seem to breathe.”

“I know, honey. Let me get you more comfortable and see if that helps a bit.” Cider stepped out and waved over another nurse.  They came into the room and each grabbed Sirah under her arms to pull her gently up. But something about the way they held her made their patient go rigid with fear.

“NO!” She cried out.  “NO, don’t take me!”

For a moment, she wasn’t in the med bay, instead her mind was suddenly back in California and trapped in the fear she felt while captured.  She started shaking violently and both nurses dropped their hands.  Cider reached out and touched Sirah’s forehead gently, calling to her.

“Sirah, honey, it’s okay.  It’s okay. It’s just me and Tea.  We’re here to help you, it’s okay.”  Cider rubbed her palm on the woman’s forehead while grasping her hand with the other.  After a moment, Sirah’s eyes looked over at the nurse and seemed to refocus.

“Good, honey.  Good.” She kept her voice calm and even. “Tea and I are going to help you move, remember?  We’re going to put our hands back under your arms and under your legs.  And you’re going to be more comfortable.  Yeah?”

Sirah nodded and this time, while keeping her eyes focused on Cider, she let the nurses move her.  Soon she was shifted higher and suddenly she felt as if she could breathe again.  The nurses tucked her back in, took a few vitals, and patted her hand before they left.  While they worked, in the shadows outside the room stood Champ.  As the nurses passed him, he paused before entering the room.  Looking at the ceiling, he took a deep breath and willed the tears from his eyes before walking in.

Normally, the man was larger than life, standing taller than most of his agents physically and bigger than everyone else through his personality. But when Sirah laid eyes on him, she noted he looked smaller, older even.  He sat down next to her bed and took her hand, cradling it to his cheek.  She let the tears stream down her own as his warmth seeped into her hand and then into her heart.  She was home again.

---***---

She had been in a coma for several weeks as the med team worked to fix what they could, but once she woke up, the reality of what happened to her began to set in for the team.  The trauma of her experience wasn’t something she had been trained to handle and she spiraled deeply into this scary new world as the days passed.  Soon the personality that inspired Tequila’s Shirley Temple nickname was gone and in its place was a woman full of fear.

One day after Ginger had visited for some time, Sirah cried pitifully when her friend left.  She curled into herself the best she could, thinking her friend was never coming back.  The abandonment compounded everything.  

Champ and Dr. Licuados consulted daily with the in-house therapy center about the situation.  A therapist was assigned to her, code named Orange, but in the early days there wasn’t much either doctor could do to ease the pain and fear.  The three watch as Sirah nearly become a ghost of herself.

Her friends were sick to their stomachs at the change and tried to do whatever they could within their power to help her through it.  After the event with Ginger, the four of them agreed to take turns being with her.  Just being in the same room was often enough for Sirah most days, so they’d bring work or field reports or even just books to pass the time.  

Ginger took the mornings, Tequila took the afternoon shift, and Champ stayed by her side in the early evenings.  But Jack was the one to stay with her at night.  Seeing his sleeping form on the couch next to her brought her immense comfort and often, she would reach out and touch his hand with hers.  Every time, even dead asleep, he grasped hers in return and never let go.

---***---

A month after she woke from the coma, the doctors agreed to move her to a private therapy bay to continue her recovery.  Her cuts had scarred over, her burns were stable, and the breaks and fractures were just about healed.  She was able to begin the next phase of her healing and the days took on more structure. 

Physical therapy in the morning with Tequila there as her own personal cheerleader and sometimes Ginger when he was out on assignment. Regular therapy with Dr. Orange in the afternoons, and in the evenings, Jack came “home” to stay with her.  Champ made it a special order to have lunch with her daily and sometimes his wife would join them.

Her recovery probably wouldn’t had gone as well as it had were it not for her friends.  The love and support they provided guided her through the dark moments.  One night, after she had been cleared to take a shower, Sirah stood beneath the water, relishing the feeling of being clean. Without thinking, she turned her face upwards into the spray and immediately her brain was flooded with the memory of her water boarding.  

She pulled back, gasping and cried out before she fell against the shower wall in terror.  Immediately, Jack rushed into the bathroom, calling her name.  He pulled back the shower curtain and found her sitting on the floor, crying and shaking with the memory.  He turned off the water and dropped to his knees.  He wrapped her in his arms and held her against him. Nothing he could say could reach through to her, so instead he rocked her body as she cried.  It cut him to the core and broke his heart into a million pieces. Soon she quieted down, and her arms snaked around his waist.

“Moonshine, let’s get you cleaned up.”  She nodded and was patient while he soaped up a rag and gently cleaned her.  He rinsed and dried her off before helping her dress.  When he got her settled in bed, he texted Tequila to come take his place. When he arrived, Jack outlined what had happened and said he needed to step out.  Tequila clapped a hand on his shoulder before sitting down on the couch. If Jack needed a minute, then dammit, he was getting one.

Jack ran down to the training room and turned on the lights.  He rolled his neck and cracked his knuckles as he walked over to the punching bag.  He took a deep breath and threw out his right arm.  The contact stung but it didn’t stop him.  He took the rest of his anger and grief out on the bag.  He eventually collapsed against it, exhausted, but calmer.

---***---

“Orange. . . can I talk about that night?”  Sirah sounded hesitant, but the therapist gave her a reassuring smile. Half a year had passed since California and Sirah now found herself curled on the end of her couch, wrapped in a blanket. The therapist sat at the other end, leg drawn up and facing her.

“Needles.”  Sirah looked out the window.  “I could smell the needles of the redwoods as I laid there. . .”  Their talk continued and several times, Sirah broke down.  She cried for Malbec and Sherry, the agents who were her friends.  She cried for herself.  She just cried all the tears she couldn’t while captured.  And then she talked some more.  

After nearly three hours, she felt exhausted, but lighter.  Facing California was hard, but each day seemed to get easier.  Dr. Orange told her to sleep a bit and left the apartment.  But for the first time in weeks she didn’t dream of pain or of fire or even of a dead woman’s eyes.  Instead she dreamed of New York City.

“Jack, are we sure this is correct?” Sirah looked at the notes sent from HQ regarding the case.  They sat in his New York office reviewing files and she scribbled notes in the margins.

“I’m sure moonshine, I don’t think Tequila would send us incorrect notes.”  Jack flipped through the file in front of him before turning back to the computer.  He updated a few things and went back to the file. Sirah picked up the notes she made and gathered a few more items.

“I’ll be right back. . . .” her voice faltered as she looked out the window.  He turned to see what captured her attention.  Blocks away from where they were at, fireworks lit up the sky.  She walked over to the window in a sort of trance, mesmerized by the beauty of the scene – the brightly colored fireworks against the dark sky and the surrounding glow of the city.  Jack walked up behind her to watch, too.

Without thinking about it, he laid his hands on her shoulders and his chin on her head.  She sighed and leaned back into him, eyes still on the display.  He dragged his hands down her arms and wrapped her close against him.  She melted into him and they stood in comfortable repose until the display ended. The sky darkened again, and the sounds of the city were no longer muffled.

She turned in his arms and pressed her face against his chest.  Her arms came up around his waist and she clung to him.  He shifted and kissed the top of her head.  She smiled into his chest and sighed again, this one even more contented than before.  She eventually moved out of his arms, dragging her hand across his chest as she walked around him.  He caught the smile on her face, and one grew on his own.

“I’ll be in the library for a bit.  I want to check up on some things.  Can you wait a few hours until I have more information?”  She looked at him.

“Moonshine, I’ll always wait for you.”  She beamed at him and slightly nodded her head before taking her items and walking out the door.

He’d wait a lifetime for her if he needed to.

---***---

She woke up from the dream with a contented smile on her face, an event that hadn’t happened since before California.  As she became more alert, she realized she was alone.  Everyone worked to keep a similar schedule as before even after she moved back into her home and when she looked at the clock, she noticed it was close to dinner time.  She asked Champ to come to dinner and as if her mind conjured him, he walked through the door, knocking as he entered.

She smiled as he sat down and laid out the dinner his wife made.  He also handed her a lumpy package that had her name scrawled across it.  She opened it and while he went to get plates, she pulled out a beautifully thick navy sweater.  It was oversized and the sleeves were longer than normal.  

Once she was cleared to wear regular clothing, Sirah had taken to completely covering herself.  She was self-conscious about the scars all over her body and while the logical part of her brain said no one would care, she still did it anyway.  Champ’s wife was a quiet woman, but she was observant and smart as hell.  Champ wouldn’t have married her if she wasn’t.  The sweater was something that would give Sirah the cover she wanted with much comfort.

“Champ, can we talk for a moment?”  She sounded serious as he returned and sat down next to her.

“Of course, honey.  What do you need?”  The voice was kind and she found herself feeling ever grateful she had such love around her.  It’s why she knew she’d get passed this.

“Don’t call me Sirah anymore.”