#(but i'd at least like to be able to socialize a few times a month. maybe even someday be able to socialize enough to have a partner)

[my-great-big-book-of-fan-fiction]

L Lawliet X F!Reader Smut Oneshot

VERY SMUTTY SMUT, 18+

FINALLY finished! This was so fun to write, but I've been so distracted recently that I haven't been able to work on any of my hobbies. I apologize for going AWOL for like, what, a month? Anyway, hopefully finishing this will be the start of bringing writing back in my life. Enjoy, L fans, and let me know if you have ideas for more!

Warnings/contents: Oral (reader recieving), PinV, cowgirl, happy trail, slight amounts of biting, and a very tired man

L has been working far too much, and it's showing. Not only has he not been leaving the CTV screens, he's stopped sleeping all together. Not even at his seat. For someone so smart, you'd think he'd know to take better care of himself.

Well, tonight, he's finally returned to your shared bedroom, only to retrieve some important flash drive. You were laying upside down on the bed, your legs propped up on the headboard and your hands busy with a rather riveting game of snake.

As soon as you heard him walk in, you perked up, flipping around and watching him with intent, your phone playing a sad little song at your loss of the now irrelevant game. "Hey! are you done working?"

He had his hands in his pockets, his steps light but slow as he felt weighed down by his lack of energy. "I'm never done working," he answered simply, walking to the nightstand and crouching down in front of it.

He opened a drawer, which contained a safe. He typed in the 12 digit code, opening it and finding a few small files and three flash drives...none of which were the right one. "I put it right here...did you take the red drive from this safe," he asked with slightly narrowed eyes, turning to the left to face you.

"No...is something missing?"

He examined you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, taking in everything about you. This was the problem, he could never tell if you were lying. Whether it was that he was so infatuated with you he couldn't imagine you lying to him, or if you were simply that good, It was frustratingly inconvenient. Perhaps you simply never lied...that was the delirium from not sleeping speaking, most definitely.

"Are you lying," he asked simply.

"No, unfortunately. I wish I had it...I can help you look," you say sweetly.

"I will find it myself...thank you," he nodded, throwing the polite thanks on the end.

"If you say so," you say in obvious skepticism.

He stands back up, looking down at you as you laid back once more. "Do you doubt my ability," he asked challengingly.

"Well...no...It's just..." you look back up at his big, tired eyes, his face discreetly shifting back and forth between curiosity and annoyance.

You look back to your phone. "You've been so tired, you're running on fumes...I just don't think you're in the right place to be effectively searching for and finding things...or, remembering where you put things...or...doing detective work..."

Silence.

You slowly look back up at him, already wincing at how he must look. When your eyes met his, he just seemed...surprised?

"Do you really think my lack of sleep is affecting my efficiency in a palpable way?" He seemed to be considering the notion.

"I do. Very much so."

"Well...I don't have time to sleep," he mused lowly.

you could work with this. "Would you at least shower? It could help you relax, get your mind off things. It'd only take, like, what, 20 minutes?"

He thought about this.

"I suppose it may assist me in 'getting my mind off things'," he sighed. "Fine. But I'd like you to look for that flash drive while I'm gone," he said firmly. Even without the team around, he still acted like he was your boss. You looked up at him with raised brows.

"...please." This energy deficit was making it harder to engage in social conventions, it took a level of consciousness he did not have currently. Another reason he needed sleep.

"Sure," you said with a smile, sitting up. "Go on, go shower, I'll start looking right now," you assured, standing and guiding him to the bathroom. He walked on his own, shutting the door behind him.

You sighed, turning to face the room, scanning it, your brow furrowed. Then, the water turned on. You glanced to the door. You could hear the rhythm of the raining droplets interrupted by him getting in.

With a deep breath, you relax, walking to the nightstand and opening it back up. You typed in the code to the safe, It was a seemingly randomized combination of the numbers within you and Watari's respective birthdays.

Reaching into your bra, you pulled out the flash drive, placing it atop everything else. You'd have to confess and apologize later, for tricking him. You really just needed a reason to get him away from his computer.

With a satisfied huff, you laid back down, continued your game of snake, and waited for him to get out.

fifteen minutes later, the bathroom door gently pushed open, and out L walked, seeming slightly better. he had a towel wrapped loosely around his hips, a slight and sparse amount of black hair barely visible above the pristine white of the fabric. Another towel was slung around his shoulders, catching the water dripping from his spiked black hair.

perfection.

You sat on the edge of the bed, smiling happily at him. "Hey, how do you feel? Better? About the flash-"

"I'd like to have sex."

Your mouth hung open for a moment, the suddenness shocking you. You supposed it was because he was lacked so much energy before, because him being so direct wasn't rare in the slightest. Meanwhile, he simply stared at you, waiting for a proper response.

"Right...right now?"

"Do you have any other plans?"

"Well, no," you say, laughing a little. "I thought you were tired. You should be tired."

"I am tired, but I've come to the conclusion that sex with you would be beneficial, more so than the shower, and more time efficient than proper rest."

You just laughed even more, giggling at his frankness. "Sure, yeah...so, I'm assuming you'll want to get straight to things? make it quick?" Nothing was unexpected with him, that was for sure.

"Well...not without foreplay. I'm not completely helpless," he muttered, his brows furrowing slightly at the insinuation he wouldn't. He could tell that's what you were thinking.

"Is that so? Here I was, thinking you'd leave me high and dry," you tease.

He took a step closer, before putting his foot up and onto the bed next to you and leaning over you. His hands were at his hips, the natural placement for him after so much time putting them in his pockets. "Do you think that lowly of me," he asked softly. His eyes were half lidded, staring deep into yours as if he were reading your soul, and his lips were parted, slowly taking in air, his breath warm against your face, so impossibly close to you.

Your skin was warming, blood rushing to your cheeks and nose as you take in the sight before you. Then, you smile, bringing your hands to cup his face. "You're trying too hard," you taunt, planting a gentle kiss on his lips. He closed his eyes, and when you pull away he leans in farther for a beat, as if he's trying to chase you. His serious expression disappears, and he sits up just a little more. "Am I," he asked, genuinely, cocking his head a little in curiosity.

He just makes you giggle, he's so funny without even realizing. "Yes," you laugh jokingly, nodding for a moment before you calm down. Then you lean in a little more, glancing down at the foot propped up on the bed, and quietly say, "No. It's nice, fun...but, I'd rather you just be yourself." You tilt your head up, your lips brushing against his, before you give him a true kiss.

He closes his eyes, a shiver running up his spine, and when your mouth opens to slide your tongue across his bottom lip, he gladly opens his own. Your hands stay to the sides of his face, and his eventually make their way to your shoulders. You stop for a moment, scooting backward. Without even thinking, he sits completely on the bed, just to follow your lips, and as a reward you waste no time kissing him again.

You stay like that for a while, making out while he sort of straddles your legs in his usual crouch, until he moves past your mouth and to your jaw. It surprises you for a moment, but you quickly adjust, your hand moving to his damp hair to steady yourself.

He leaves wet, meaningful kisses up your jawline, his hand sliding up to your neck to hold you in place. "Did you know," he starts, planting a kiss to the spot where your ear meets your jaw. "That the ear is one of the most sensitive parts of the body," he finishes, kissing at the shell of your ear and sucking on your lobe for a moment. He wasn't even trying to be overly sexy, at least not in his words, you could tell he simply said it because your ear made him think of it, but the candidness of this moment that was so L made you melt...especially because of his soft, low voice.

"Is that so," you ask, your voice wavering a little.

you could feel his smile against the skin of your ear as he left another impassioned kiss to the shell. "It appears it is," he hummed, his voice dropping ever so slightly. Maybe he was trying.

You could do nothing but let out a nervous giggle, your back arching upward until your chest met his. You turned your head, your ear no longer accessible to him, and planted a kiss to the side of his neck. You could feel him stiffen, his breath catching in his throat. You kissed him again, this time slowly, and his hand moved to be in your hair, the other planted firmly on the top of your hip to steady himself.

You take the moment to remove the towel around his waist, glancing down to see just what you were working with...and there he was.

He was fully erect, around 6 inches, the pale pink tip beading with pre. Perfect. You almost reached out to touch him, to please him, but...

Finally, and rather suddenly, he mutters, "Sit back....please."

You don't argue, you just...do. You sit back from him. You could have kept going, just to tease him, but just in case he was overwhelmed, you sat back.

He wasn't overwhelmed, to your delight, and you knew because he leaned forward and brings his lips to your clavicle, placing a gentle but impassioned kiss there. He hears your breath catch, and as he looks up at you with his usual moon-eyed stare, he catches the way your nostrils flare, and your lips part. "You are aroused," he states softly, his hands running up your sides and under your shirt.

"I am," you titter, his cool hands sending a shiver up your spine as you watch him intently.

"If you take your shirt off, I may be able to assist you," he hums sarcastically, a slight, gentle smile across his face.

You roll your eyes, a big smile on your face as you remove your shirt, setting it aside. You take your bra off too, and your pants for good measure. The only thing left on you is your underwear, something that, as he trails feather light kisses down the valley of your breast and the center of your abdomen, he carefully removes with his thumbs and index fingers. By now, he's on his knees and bent forward completely, his hands holding your legs apart as he brings himself to be face to face with your aching folds.

he gazes up at you, not in question but in curiosity, almost a way to tease you. do you want this? how badly? you really want this, don't you?

He slowly licks his lips as his eyes flick back down to what was before him. He sticks his tongue out, giving a long, tentative lap up from your entrance to your clitoris. as his tongue slides up your clit, beneath the hood, your hips buck, just enough to let him know you're excited. With that, his lips lock onto it, his eyes half lidded as he lavishly sucks and laps, soft groans reverberating through you ever so gently as he pleasures you.

He always seems to enjoy this as much as you do, and with each moan you release, he responds to you with a particularly angled prod of his tongue, or a vibrating groan in return, rewarding the crescendo of your sounds.

Your hand finds its way to his hair, nestling in the soft black stands and gently pulling at the base. At the feeling, he releases a breath he seemed to have been holding, the air fanning against the skin of your thighs and lower abdomen. The sturdy grip he has on your hips tightens a little, and as your hips stutter with the eventual arrival of your orgasm, he looks back up at you, his eyes peering, examining, daring you to look anywhere but at him. You can't help but to stare back.

With one final lap of his tongue, you finish, back arching, head tossing back, your voice ringing through the room in what he can only describe as the song of the angels. He helps you through, gently sucking on your clit, and when you finally come down from it, he pulls away, licking the fluid from his chin and upper lip. It was sort of endearing, watching him do something that looked so...stupid, to put it bluntly.

You laugh despite your panting, smiling as he sits back with his knees rather relaxed compared to usual, not to his chest, although arched halfway there. "you were...considerably louder than usual. has it been a long time since you've experienced an orgasm?"

you almost wanted to chide him for asking a question that had such an obvious answer, but you supposed it was good he didn't negate the fact that you could self pleasure. "Nope. I guess you could say I've been saving myself for you," you sigh teasingly, crawling closer, over his legs, bringing your face and hips above his, respectively.

He instinctively takes your hips, looking up at you with a thoughtful expression. "Why would you do something like that," he asked disdainfully.

You laugh a little. "Does it matter?"

He pauses, looking to your hips. "I suppose not. It makes no difference to me," he muses.

You smile down at him with endearment, your hands sliding to his shoulders. No time to waste.

You lower yourself down his vehemently leaking cock, his grip tightening around you as you push yourself past his tip.

he leaned forward, his knees coming up, your body now between his chest and his legs as your hips met his. he wasn't especially girthy, but his length more than made up for it. You take in a breath, steadying on his shoulders, and slowly slide upward.

He watches with a sort of aroused fascination as you begin to ride him, his eyes not leaving the sight of your body taking his dick in and out, watching and feeling every twitch, listening to every sound, the variations, the angles, everything perceived. You wouldn't think he was enjoying himself all too much, given the fact he was only releasing tempered pants and the occasional hum, but it was his attention that gave it away. Nothing besides his work, and now you, has captured his attention so quickly and so intensely.

If he weren't so tired and in need of a proverbial "quickie," he'd have you in as many different positions as possible. He has a need to see every facet of you, to know how you look and feel and sound in every angle and situation...but, for now, the usual cowgirl will do. And it does, it does rather nicely.

He only looks up at your face when he takes notice of your own noises, growing in volume and desperation. Of course, when he looks up, he can really only see your tits, bouncing away, and he really has no choice but to lavishly suck on your nipple. a formality, truly. The sounds and expressions that elicits is simply heavenly.

He grips your hips tighter, and as the air from his nose fans across your chest, he thrusts himself up. You cry out, his tip unexpectedly hitting your cervix, and all you can do now is shift back and forth as he thrusts up, peer into his large observant eyes as he tongues your breast and uses your body as he wishes. The sight, the feeling, the sounds, it was all too much for you. You moan louder and louder, signaling an orgasm, and the moment his tip pounds a particular spot, you're done. Your hips buckle, your body shakes, and best of all for him, your walls constrict.

in mere moments after you, he begins to truly moan, his cheeks flushing as his orgasm grows closer. After one particularly fast and hard jerk of his hips, he's calling out your name, his teeth pressing into your chest as his lashes flutter, his cum releasing within you in quick spurts, riding the wave as your hips roll against his.

He said this would be quick, a way to relax while staying time efficient, but fortunately he was too tired to take his own tiredness into account. He fell completely asleep beside you, his head pressed into your chest and his legs pressed to your torso as you stroked his hair. He'd sleep for the next 14 hours, and while you got up to pick up the slack at work, get something to eat, or use the restroom, you always returned to him.

I genuinely looked like coraline's dad writing this. I had fun, but wow was I lethargic. I'd like to do this again though, hopefully when I'm feeling more determined!

Taglist: @cheekyweekymouse

[ccsainzleclerc5516]

This Is Where You Stand With Me

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x reader

Warnings: none

A/N: pls read this for better understanding thanksss!!

Sooo once upon a time, a few months ago actually, I started writing a Charles fanfic - never finished it - I had a reeeally good story in mind, wrote around 20 chapters and then I just got bored of it, BUT! I wrote some really good pieces that I'd be sorry no one ever read so I thought I'd post them. Actually I've already posted one part of the story that comes waay later than the ones I'm gonna post now, but anyway it's the one called Lovers .

Basically, it's a story about a girl (you) who broke up with her boyfriend of five years. She was very unhappy in the relationship because her boyfriend didn't treat her right all those years and then after she gathered her strength and broke up with him, she decided to live a little and go visit her best friend Sophie in Monaco. Sophie has been in a relationship with Carlos for a while, and his teammate Charles is in a relationship with a girl (Ava) who isn't with him for the right reasons and doesn't really care about him. due to a combination of circumstances, you stayed in Monaco to live in Sophie's apartment and started running social networks for Ferrari, filming behind the scenes and similar things. From the very beginning, you and Charles have a love-hate relationship. He keeps sending you mixed signals and you never know where you're standing with him.

Ok, hope you'll like it, let me know if you'd even like to read more parts! Bye!

This is the part where you, Carlos, Sophie, Kika, Pierre, Charles and Lando are on the yacht. Sophie introduces you to all of them here for the first time and you're very nervous about it so you drink a bit too much..

Y/N's POV

Carlos, Sophie and I were the first ones to arrive. Their firends, Pierre and his girlfirend Kika, Charles and his girlfriend Ava, and I guess the only single friend Lando, arrived shortly after us. For me, the biggest introvert on the planet, this was quite a large number of people to meet at once and I did feel very anxious.

Luckily there was a vast amount of drinks on the yacht so I found mine tranquilizers - cranberry vodka and sangria. As soon as the alcohol started coursing through my system, I soon opened up a topic to talk about with everyone. Well, almost everyone. Charles and his girlfriend Ava seemed to have some disagreements so they weren't really in the best mood. She looked like she didn't really wanna be here and he was annoyed that she didn't wanna be here at least that's what I heard when I was going to the toilet because they were alone inside and arguing.

The evening went on with us all sitting in the lounge area, talking and drinking. I was truly having so much fun and I got along the most with Lando. He's so sweet and caring and funny, I was enjoying his company. Eventually Ava left. She was able to leave since we didn't set sail but stayed in the marina. Charles was fuming that she left. When Carlos asked him why she left he said she made arrangements with her friends earlier, he didn't want to talk about it much. Charles went on the upper lounge area and Lando went after him so he wasn't alone and I stayed with Carlos, Sophie, Pierre and Kika in the lounge area on the main deck.

"I love you." I hear Carlos quietly says to Soph while looking at her lips. She was in a half-lying position in his arms. I was scrolling through my phone across from them but I couldn't help but look at them out of the corner of my eye.

"I love you." Sophie smiles and gently kisses him. My eyes got watery at the sight of them. My heart hurt a little and for a second I wished I had what they have. I wasn't envious of them, not at all, I was actually very happy for them and for the first "I love you". But for a second the excitement about the single life passed me and looking at the couples I felt a little lonely.

I get up from the couch and head towards the back of the yacht were was the entrance to the inner part of the yacht. I lean my elbows on the fence and look down at the sea.

Did I make a good decision?

Should i have given us another chance?

Will i regret giving up on us?

Suddenly questions that I constantly avoid facing start to roll around in my head.

No! Of course I made a good decision, he doesn't deserve another chance and I'm not gonna regret anything!

I attribute those thoughts to the excessive amount of alcohol I've consumed since we got here.

Y/n, you were miserable with him, pull yourself together please, you are stronger than these thoughts. I say to myself, but one tear escapes from my eye. And then another one. And one after that.

"Shit.." I breathe out putting my palms over my eyes.

"What happened, Y/n?" A voice asks and it startles me.

"Oh, you scared me." I say looking at Charles standing beside me, but quickly look away wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" Charles asks looking at me.

"Too many drinks led me to a moment of weakness. That's all." I say not really wanting to talk to him about my emotional state.

"And what is the reason behind that moment of weakness?" He asks.

"I don't feel like talking about it, but I was wondering how long have you and Ava been together?" I suddenly blurt out turning to look at him. My mind is racing. I was curious about their fight because the way he looked at her, he seemed like he's really in love, but her, not so much according to my estimate.

"A year and a half now. Why do you ask?"

"Sweet. And why did you fight today?" I ask shamelessly and he rises his eyebrows at my question.

"Not that it's any of your business, but-" Just as he was about to say something a strong pain shoots through my stomach. Rocking of the yacht from the waves together with cranberry vodka and sangria equals nausea.

"Oh no.. I-I think I'm gonna throw up.." And just in that moment as I lean over the fence it starts shooting right out of me.

I was hoping that somehow I would be able to control myself and not throw up in front of him, but it was stronger than me. And honestly if I were sober, I would be ten times more embarrassed than I am now.

"Oh come on." He sighs and to my surprise he moves my hair out of my face holding it back. "Please don't fall over, I'm not jumping in for you."

"Oh my God, I'm gonna die.."

"Out of embarrassment? Yeah, I would too if I were you." Charles mocks me, but still holds my hair.

"Oh give me a break, I'm going through a breakup!" I manage to say bitterly because of his lack of understanding for me. As if he should understand me. he doesn't know anything about me except my name, and I don't know anything about him either except that his name is Charles and that he has a girlfriend with whom he had a not so pretty fight today.

"Did he leave you because you were a drunk?" He continues with his provocation.

"Ha ha, not that it's any of your business, but I broke up with him." I'm being sassy like I didn't just throw up in front of a rich and hot F1 driver, but in that moment that fact doesn't phase me one bit.

"Okay, if you say so." He laughs. "Come here, sit on this couch please." I can't help but notice his hand tightly being wrapped around my waist as he leads me to the couch. "Not that I care, but I'm so bored that I'll listen to why you broke up with your boyfriend."

"Well, now I'm not gonna tell you." I cross my arms acting childish making him laugh again. I roll my eyes and chuckle a little myself.

"Y/n? Where are you?" Right in that moment Sophie shows up breaking the sweet moment between the two of us.

"Your friend is running wild over here, she wanted to throw herself off the yacht because her boyfriend left her." Charles says getting up from the couch and my mouth falls open.

"What?!" Sophie's eyes go wide. "Throw yourself because of him? Are you out of your fucking mind?" She asks in complete shock.

Before saying anything to Sophie to calm her down I follow Charles with my eyes as he leaves laughing.

"He's lying of course, I got sick from the alcohol and threw up."

"Why is he suddenly being all smiley like that? Until a little while ago he was furious because of Ava?"

"I don't know, he obviously has issues." I shrug with my shoulders wanting to laugh but manage to control myself.

I'm usually very good at reading people at first glance. Whoever doesn't make a good impression on me in the beginning, whoever doesn't sit well with me, almost always turns out to not have the best personality. Unfortunately, it rarely happens that someone pleasantly surprises me if I don't like them at first. I could say that my intuition is very good and accurate and I really should listen to it more often.

But with Charles that wasn't the case. I couldn't read him at all. He's kinda mysterious, he seems a bit cocky and conceited, but gentle and caring at moments. At least that's what I think I got from today.

He's interesting though.

Part 2 here

[taxidermycanine]

Hey not sure if this is the right place to ask this but I'm looking for whoever might be able to offer advice. My wife just told me she's therian today (wolf). I'm completely supportive of it of course. As another wolf therian, do you have any suggestions for things I could do to help her feel more comfortable or support her better?

(Anon ask to protect her privacy because she's self conscious about it)

hi! this is absolutely the right place to ask, welcome :o)

this is very sweet of you to do, and i'm sure your wife appreciates you looking more into therianthropy so you can understand her better!

i hope you enjoy this post, and thank you again for this ask! the tips are under the cut

species affirming 101: wolves and other canids

hello there! struggling to figure out ways to affirm your therianthropy because you don't know where to start? or maybe you're someone who knows a critter personally and want to learn how to make them more comfortable around you? then sit down and get comfortable because this is species affirming 101 (with me, the dog).

before we go into it, please note:

not all of these things are for everyone, and that's okay! do what feels right for you.

i will try my best to provide alternatives for any food recommendations for those of you with dietary needs, but apologize in advance if i fail to do so.

that the most important thing to affirm your species is through taking good care of yourself and spending some time outside to ground yourself. sometimes these things take time, they'll come to you eventually.

with that in mind, let's begin with the first tip!

NUMBER ONE: clothing

whether you have shorter or longer fur, this point can help you either way! the human body doesn't grow nearly enough hair to feel comfortable sometimes, which is why i wear clothes that are fuzzy, warm, and the same color as my fur. this is especially helpful in the colder months.

as for the warmer months, i recommend purchasing things such as tail keychains, trimming your nails into claws, drawing paws on your shoes. even meditating in a wooded area can help somewhat (at least in my own experience).

NUMBER TWO: snacks

usually when people think of species affirming snacks their mind immediately goes to something like jerky, and whilst that can help a few folk, in my opinion it's much too gritty for me to enjoy comfortably. i prefer eating slim jims for the saltiness and fall-apart texture. if you can't eat meat for whatever reason, i recommend experimenting with different types of mushrooms. a popular choice for meat imitation is the lions mane mushroom. when cooked a certain way, it's crunchy, filling and has a tender texture.

NUMBER THREE: ambiance

something as simple as putting on a video of nature sounds can make you feel more at home. i recommend mixing this with den making (making your bed feel more like a den by adding lots of blankets, going under them to sleep for coverage, maybe a chair or two to keep the entrance visable. i find having some sort of floor mattress works best for this sort of thing)

NUMBER FOUR: comforts

stuffed animals of your theriotype are always a nice way to feel less lonely, especially if you feel like you're meant to have young. acting like they're your pack, your litter, or simply just your belongings can provide heavy comfort during times of feeling isolated.

if you feel like you shouldn't have stuffed animals because you aren't a domestic breed, you shouldn't worry about that. One, you can do whatever you want forerver. Two, there have been many cases of animals finding things like stuffed animals and playing with them, look at this guy!

NUMBER FIVE: socializing

as canines are social animals, it's important for you to spend time with others, therian or non-therian. if you have human friends, or a human partner, great! if they're comfortable with it, you can have them pet you if you'd like. maybe ask to go on a walk with them for a more discreet option.

i'd also recommend making friends who are also therian so you have others to relate to. it's important to realize that you are not alone in this, and there are so many who feel the way you do right now. if you make some irl, go to the forest together! play in the river! if you're stuck to being online friends for however long, make moodboards! play online games where you can be an animal together! roleplay if that's more your speed! there's plenty to do with loved ones.

for now, that's all i can think of. for the anon though here's a little more just for you, i wish you and your partner the best.

be there for her, tell her that her being a therian doesn't make you love her any less and that you find her therianthropy beautiful. ask her about what she'd like you to do to help with species dysphoria, if she has any. research about her theriotype with her to show her that you care about it. as another wolf therian myself, the thing that helped me the most is having my own partner be there for me. canines are social animals, be social with her.

my love to you both,

bandit

[drdemonprince]

I was talking to some relatives about our comparative sensitivities to substances. As a young person, I had the classic Autistic hyper-sensitivity to drugs. Two beers could knock me out. Anything past that was disgusting to me; at Ohio State I was constantly hiding half-drunk solo cups of Natty Light on bookshelves and in basements because I couldn't keep up with anyone else. I had no taste for weed or anything harder because I hated how tired it made me feel. At the same time, I always remained lucid on substances. I was always the person who could snap into practical, problem-solving thinking and put on a sober face if a member of my party got in trouble for pissing in the street or started fighting or ran afoul of the cops.

growing up, my friends were always trying to get fucked up so they could escape their brains and their realities, and then falling into huge problems because they'd done so. they'd get drunk and piss themselves. drive drunk home. fall in love with some dude on cocaine ten years older than them and then have to bust open a garage window with their fist when he was freaking out threatening himself. they'd blow out their caffeine receptors on weird drug store cold medicine and not be able to drink coffee for years. they'd drag themselves hung over to work or have to run a 5k still stoned. i didnt understand why they'd be so irrational. i was always the person sitting on the floor, a little tired but fine, watching them wrestle eachother drunkenly or cry when they'd started taking whatever drug it was to make themselves feel good. i didn't understand why someone would choose to weaken themselves and make themselves feel even worse. but nothing ever really felt good to me. i was just a flat line.

My sensitivity has changed thanks to testosterone, specifically because of muscle growth. I can throw back a number of drinks that startles me now, and feel almost nothing. A few months back a friend was being very generous with the boozy slushies at Sidetrack and the shots. I don't know how many I had. But more than I'd had to drink in many, many years at least. Which is probably still a small-seeming number to the real professionals, maybe something like 6 or 7 drinks total. But I felt completely fine, nothing past a little silly. I ate a taco on the curb, sipped some water, and then I was fine.

My sister is barely feels substances at all. She can't tell when pain medications work. In college, during a spat with a sorority "little" of hers who began to stalk her, she spent every afternoon at the bar downing shots from a shot-club list in exchange for a t-shirt, and it didn't affect her. She hates food and eats very little because of probably ARFID, but she will drink just about anything, and can do so in abundance if she wants to. But she rarely wants to, because it doesn't make her feel any more fucked up than a couple of cocktails. She smoked weed and took edibles sporadically for years without them ever kicking in or doing anything to her.

I am reminded of that story I read about the guy with really high social anxiety whom the CIA gave like ten tabs of acid, as part of some fucked up experiment, and he remained completely lucid, polite, present, and normal-seeming the entire time. Because he was just such a fucking tight-assed neurotic person that he couldn't let go of his iron-tight grip on reality. After his 12th acid tab, he got a little bit sleepy and went off to bed, or something like that. (If someone remembers this story and can find a link, send it to me!).

I don't know that I'd be the same, I've never tried, acid, but I imagine that it would play out something like that. I'd clench my firsts tight onto reality and keep masking as normal until I reached the absolute fucking brink of my ability to cope, and then I wouldn't enjoy the high, i'd just be so fucked up that I needed to go lie down. Mushrooms didn't affect me much, either.

I can't seem to escape my constant neurotic rumination and compulsive need to attend to the reactions of others and modulate myself. I wish I could let loose, but then again, when a person says they want one thing and they behave in a completely different way, trust the behavior. Clearly I don't want to lose control. I'm obsessed with maintaining my perspective. The one time I got properly zooted high at Nowadays in New York I nearly lost my phone, and I don't want to risk anything like that again. Anxiety is such a protective thing. we evolved to survive not to be happy. and all told i'm pretty good at keeping shit together, looking after myself, looking after others, and not fucking things up. my anxiety and rigidity has spared my ass a whole lot of problems, saved me a lot of money, helped my career, helped me escape arrest. i wish i could relax once in a fucking while but also i dont. im in love with what a tight ass sharp edged tense little bitch i can be. i dont know who the alternative version of me even would be. if i were to let properly loose and get sloppy it would feel like some abdication of duty, because I know that I *can* keep it together no matter what, and it seems so many people can't.

[calxia]

I hope your illness isn't hitting you too hard!

I've been reading your angst over and over and damn it's the good stuff

What I've been thinking about is for Aether to learn of the shit that's been going down with Phantom and the pack (if Aether's still around, and not.. yk)..

In my own headcannons, I see Quintessence ghouls as a social species, so I feel as though this would be a harder hit to Aether and cause for the whole 'excuse me what the fuck' to go down amongst the pack

Again, I hope you're feeling better soon, being sick really sucks

Thank you for your concern! It's just my luck that I'd be sick for my birthday but thankfully I'm starting to feel better now (right when my paid leave from work is about to finish ofc)

In my head, the reason they needed to replace Aether is because of something like a disease outbreak at another branch of the church that required some skilled quintessence ghouls to be sent over. So, Aether and Omega are absent because they have been sent to help at another church. This is also partly why Phantom spends his first few weeks so alone, because traditionally newly summoned ghouls are cared for by their respective element groups. Especially for at least their first-week surface side, they'd spend all their time in a nest with others of their element as they acclimate to the change.

Before Aether departed, he made sure to ask the pack to care for the new ghoul that was due to be summoned while he and Omega were unable to. The whole time he is busy trying to fend off the disease outbreak with Omega, he is so sure that the new Quint ghoul will be properly cared for by their pack. All the clips of the new bug flourishing on stage also helped cement their idea that Phantom was being properly integrated and finding his place in the pack.

So, imagine his surprise when they are finally able to return to the ministry and their packs and the new ghoul is nowhere to be seen as all the other band ghouls greet him fondly. Nobody can answer him when he asks why his fellow quintessence ghoul hadn't joined them to greet him, which just makes his concern grow even more. Before he can search for him, he's whisked away to finish up some paperwork and it slips from his mind.

When he later joins the others for dinner, there's still no sign of Phantom. Aether's concern is at peak levels by this point so he straight away sets out to find him. He finds Phantom in his designated room.

The room is empty and lacks any smells of other pack members. Phantom has no nest or even any bedding on his bed and is instead curled up on the wooden floors under the bed frame.

Aether is furious. He put so much trust in his pack to welcome this young ghoul and instead, they'd just abandoned him and pushed him out of the group. He storms back to where the rest of the ghouls are seated to eat and flies off in a blind rage at them. By the end of his anger-fuelled rage, most of the ghouls are crying and those who are not are shellshocked still. He's got no time to worry about them though, because he's got a kit that's been on earth for months but is barely acclimated to tend to.

For a good few weeks afterwards, Aether remains glued to Phantom's side and all the pack gets when they try to talk to him is anger-filled looks that send them scurrying away.

[edwad]

"gnawing criticism of the mice etc."

So what's the "earlier philosophical conscience" that you've broken with?

the whole podcast basically began with us talking about what exactly we wanted from marxism, what it ought to be able to do, what its limits were, etc. in the very first episode i explicitly allied myself with a "critical marxism" which was basically contentless but allowed me the flexibility to move in & out of the -ism as i pleased without having to do any of the hard part involved in serious thinking.

in a sense, that already expressed something of a crisis of ambiguity that we would toy with going forward until episode 7 (she even titled it "our concepts broke") at which point we publically (although behind a paywall i suppose) purged ourselves of all of that. cordelia was obviously ahead of me as she usually is and i was mostly just being dragged along against my will, but i think it was at least a kind of mutual self-clarification about what we expected to be able to take from our mostly joint-interest in marx (and, by extension, heinrich, since he was a constant reference point for us at the peak of heinrich twitter and when i was at my most dogmatically heinrichian). the result was that heinrich is basically what locascio has called "the final boss of marxism" (along with his most sophisticated "peers": milios, clarke, etc) in that he offers the most defensible/best case rendering of marx's work, but that the lingering problems from that point on are entirely marx's and not even heinrich could fully salvage him from them.

all of this was before i even split with the CoPE, which happened a few months later during my return to the history of thought (partly prompted via my renewed interest in sismondi and partly spurned by heinrich's science of value, which is thinking through marx in relation to the theoretical field of classical political economy and therefore largely taking him at his word). so the worldview i'd just abandoned -- and it was very much a kind of worldview of the commodity-form, as i've since accused postone of offering since i broke with its influence -- has been buried even more over time.

historically whenever people point to a "crisis of marxism" it very quickly turns into social democracy. this was definitely the case for many of the post-marxists in the 70s and 80s. my current interest is basically in charting a course out of that which doesn't end the same way. i don't know if i have the chops to pull it off, but i see cordelia's book as basically being a significant contribution to this kind of thing. for the time being i'll happily play second fiddle until ive clarified my own thoughts and have something im ready to share. maybe the pod will return eventually after the book is out and we have more to talk about, but it also feels like a unique product of the pandemic and a certain convergent moment in online marx-circles that probably won't happen again and likely wouldn't even be desireable anyway.

[thebisexualdogdad]

WFA Jason or Dick (your choice) Dating Damian's teacher Imagine pleaseth

Dick Grayson x Male!reader

Damian Wayne was an interesting student to say the least and when you called his father in for a parent teacher conference you were quite surprised when a handsome man about your age showed up instead of the Bruce Wayne you frequently saw on TV.

"I'm sorry are you a parent?" You ask him.

"Oh no I'm Damian Wayne's brother Dick, our father Bruce wasn't able to make it so he asked me to come instead," he explains.

"Well as nice as it is to meet you Dick I called your father in to talk about some of Damians… behavior issues which I should really talk to Bruce himself about," he states.

"Don't worry he's just as frustrating at home, he knows he's smarter than most people and has a big head because of it… you should see him argue with our other brother Jason, pretty funny actually when he confuses Jason with big words but anyways, we have a very… close family and we all take part in raising Damian so whatever you have to say to Bruce you can say to me too," Dick tells you.

Damn was he charming.

"Okay well have a seat then," you say.

You guys ended up talking for over an hour which consisted a lot of Dick telling you about their crazy family antics making you laugh harder than you had in a long time.

"This is probably really weird to ask but would you like to get dinner with me sometime Mr. Y/L/N?" He asks boldly with a smile you just couldn't say no to.

"I usually have a no dating my students parents policy but since you aren't a parent… I would love to and please call me Y/N," you smile back at him.

"It's a date Y/N," he says happily.

After a few dates you became officially boyfriends but you decided it was best to keep your relationship with Dick a secret until it got more serious.

Though Jason found out a month in because he has a habit of going through Dicks phone to annoy his older brother and stumbled upon some flirty texts between you two.

After six months you and Dick agreed it was time to tell his family so Dick set up a dinner telling them he would be introducing them to his new boyfriend.

Jason was particularly excited to see Damian's reaction and of course he started filming when there was a knock at the door

"Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend… Y/N," Dick says cheerfully.

"Richard! You're dating my teacher!" Damian shouts.

Tim chuckles and whispers to Stephanie, "guess we're getting a dinner and a show."

The entire dinner Damian was glaring at Dick while the others were trying to get to know you.

"So Y/N how long have you been a teacher?" Barbara asks.

"This is only my second year teaching," you reply.

"How fun, you get to deal with a problem child like Damian early on in your career," Jason teases.

"Damian certainly isn't a problem he just doesn't exactly like to socialize with the other kids," you say wanting to assure Bruce you didn't think negatively of his son.

"Because they are learning basic algebra I already know advanced Calculus," Damian scoffs.

"Bruce, have you ever considered enrolling Damian in the gifted program?" You ask.

"I have but Damian can learn whatever he wants at home but the only way for him to spend time with kids his own age is at school," Bruce explains.

"Plus if Damian had been in the gifted program I never would have met you," Dick says leaning in and kissing you sweetly.

Damian rolls his eyes while Cass and Duke aw at how cute you and Dick are.

At the end of the dinner Dick walks you out to your car.

"I hope my family didn't scare you off," he jokes.

"Your family is great Dick, I just don't want to make things awkward with Damian at school," you tell him.

"Damian will get over it he always does and besides the school year is almost over in a few months you won't even be his teacher anymore," Dick says.

"Well… they are actually thinking of bumping me up a grade next year so there's a chance I'll have him again in the fall," you chuckle.

"I'll talk to him, promise," Dick laughs kissing you goodnight before you get in your car and drive off.

Dick heads up to Damians room where he finds him throwing daggers into a target on the wall.

"Okay Damian be honest with me, do you actually have a problem with me dating your teacher," Dick questions.

"Of course not, I actually like Mr. Y/L/N, he's far better than my teacher last year," Damian replies.

"So then why were you giving me the death glare all night?" Dick says confused.

"Because Richard, what if you screw things up and I can't go to his after school extra credit study sessions anymore, I consider those people acquaintances and some of them are even intelligent," Damian states.

"Hold on, why do you assume I would be the one to screw things up? You know what, not the point, anyways, if for whatever reason Y/N and I were to break up we would never let it affect you or your education. Most of your future teachers are not going to be as understanding of you as Y/N is so we gotta take advantage of a good teacher while we can," Dick jokes.

"Good. Do not break his heart Richard," Damian says throwing a dagger past Dicks ear and into the target behind him which doesn't even phase Dick.

"Again why am I bad guy in this hypothetical situation??" Dick huffs.

"You have a good talk boys?" Jason says strutting into Damians room.

"Jason you have got to stop snooping," Dick sighs.

"How else am I supposed to know about my brother's secret boyfriends before everyone else," Jason grins.

"Wait you knew Richard was dating my teacher this whole time?" Damian huffs.

"Gotta go… patrol stuff," Jason says awkwardly exiting the room.

Well at least Dick would be happy to report to you that Damian approved of your relationship.

[micheya]

Al haitham x reader | Logical until he isn't (Kaveh thinks he's a loser)

Synopsis: Just an average piece on how both Al haitham and Kaveh think of each other as losers, and how Al haitham realises that confessing isn't necessarily as simple as an equation (Kaveh told him so. He didn't listen)

___

I think Al haitham thinks that Kaveh is the loser with all his poetry and stuff. When Kaveh is telling him to "go out" and "At this rate you'll be a lonely loser forever." He can't help but think that Kaveh is the pathetic one, getting drunk, prattling around like a little fairy with his love letters and such filled with frivolous similes and unnecessary metaphors like they're really some sort of masterful magic that you have to find from deep within your soul.

He'd seen it all before. Back when he had taken an interest in "The History of literature; History of  Language; The Development of linguistics; Communications between creatures and their evolution; Poetry through the ages; Humanity's social evolution: the display of love-"  He had listed

"Stop, stop, stop!" Kaveh had an incredulous expression that day, "What is wrong with you?! Are you the Akasha itself?!"

Al Haitham just huffed with his arms crossed, "I have read everything I'll ever need to know about 'wooing' a person. And of course I am not so limited in my thinking to understand that theory never always 100% aligns with reality. I do talk to people, Kaveh. And I'd assume me as a living breathing human would at least be able to figure out what makes a person tic."

 Kaveh could only really pull a face in almost offence. He hadn't been directly insulted this time around but the knowledge of Al Haitham living with this (whatever "this" was) highly unromantic view of romance felt like an absolute stabbing.

Al Haitham of course ignores him and carries on with his day as usual. But then eventually whether days, weeks, months later when he finally develops a sort of liking for someone beyond the usual friendly acquaintance, he finds out that every once in a while his mind does go blank like he'd hear some other akademiya students discuss amongst themselves in their own journey's of romance.

His initial plans to go by the books to discreetly show affection usually start as intended, but end with it either completely going through the target's head or turning into an accidental work session (at least he and you are spending time together, though he doesn't miss the face you pull at the sudden work dropped onto you. He's sorry.)

Apparently bringing you fruits isn't enough to notify someone of romantic intention. He had completely ignored Kaveh telling him to gift flowers. He understood the gesture, he wasn't completely devoid of general understanding of these sorts of practises, but fruit and food in general would be much more useful to you in a practical sense. 

He made sure to let you know of the benefits of what he had decided to give you that day and would always allow a bit of time to stare at your expressions afterward, though unfortunately due to his stern face the initial reaction to this tended to be a sort of unfounded guilt, "Am I in trouble?" You had to ask the first few occasions of this happening, before ultimately accepting that this was just the way he was.

"No, why?"  He'd pull a rare smile, something about it being slightly devious, "Are you guilty of something? I may let you off easy if you confess now." It was taunting but in a gentle tone meant to pass off as a  joke. You got it as seen by your own chuckle, the sound of it being something he relished, he was extremely fond of everything to do with you and continued to wonder (despite not making it explicit himself) how you hadn’t noticed his feelings.

Like he had said to Kaveh he had read everything he needed to know, or was curious enough to learn about, and he had read of great declarations of affections. Giant presentations for the mere request of courting a person. 

It was such a request that would make one's intentions almost most definitely 100% clear. 

But instead, he resolved to pass you a bunch of tangerines for that day's worth of fruit.

He processes the point Kaveh was trying to make, that love as an equation can only work so well until your actual feelings of love get in the way.

[fereldanwench]

I think I was tagged forever ago to share some WIP stuff, but I'm just the worst at keeping up with those. :3 But I have had a lot more time to focus on personal projects since being a lot stricter about social media time, so here are a few things!

Goro & Valerie's House Estate

Eventually (like probably in the 2090s tbh; they gotta suffer under Arasaka for a while), they get to have domestic bliss (mostly; I'm sure they'll still get into trouble) and live in a beautiful house in Kanagawa. I've tried a few times to make one for them, but the other efforts didn't quite stick for one reason or another. This is my favorite so far, especially their huge yard/garden, which is essential for Valerie to lean into her plant mom life.

There's still a lot I want to add to the outside, but I think I'm going to leave the interior mostly empty so I can just use it as a stage for whatever I'm in the mood for and not be restricted to a specific layout. They might get a permanent full kitchen, though.

Kinktober Planning

I shared a little teaser the other day, but I just wrapped up doing another set for next month. I'm not gonna be able to do one for every day, but I think there's a good possibility I could get about 10-12 out.

Here's another shot from a set I just finished today:

And while I'm thinking about it: I'm not going to be posting the full sets on Tumblr since they'll be on the more explicit side--They'll be going on my Pillowfort with all my other naughty stuff. (Some will probably also end up on Twitter, but I don't really like formatting photosets for Twitter so it'll be a low priority.)

Casual/Personal Modding Stuff

I don't really have any pictures to share for this, but I also spent a good chunk of my time over my long holiday weekend updating some of my personal mods, like own poses and my Goro NPC+. I added some new clothes for him (like this one) and updated his shirtless varieties to have the shoulder pad things I've been using (rather than adding them with ACM). I'd still like to get him proper cyberware that looks closer to his concept art, but that's way beyond my Blender skills and commission budget (which is exactly $0 right now, lmao). But this at least gets rid of the unsightly jagged edges.

So those are the main highlights atm! I am staying pretty busy at the moment--September tends to be a crazy month for me on a personal level since 3 of my family members have September birthdays, and husbando and I are actually celebrating our 17th (!!!!!!) anniversary this week. I also need to find some time to resume my Inquisition replay because I know Halloween is gonna be here in the blink of an eye.

[malka-lisitsa]

Verse- Marvel AU Deadpool variant

Originally Katerina Petrova, Katherine was born in Bulgaria to a family with archaic morals. So when she had a not so happy run in with a man who manipulated her and ended up having a baby out of wed lock she was disowned and exiled. Never saw her baby again- GASP! So FAR!

Katerina found her way to the Americas where she integrated into the culture very quickly, learning to drop her accent in record time and the language almost as fast. Three months in and you could hardly tell she wasn't native.

Katerina got a job waiting tables at a local diner but was still struggling to make ends meet. One day a man named Trevor approached her and told her of an opportunity where she could earn some money if she was willing to undergo an experimental procedure. He billed it as low risk, and the possibility to help people. After a few days debate, Katerina accepted the offer and was taken to meet a man named Klaus Mikaelson.

As it turns out it was actually highly invasive and was meant to trigger dormant mutant genes into activation. (after his mother had done something similar to him and his siblings he became obsessed with perfecting and unleashing his true potential)

It took a long time to trigger Kathrine's and the process was excruciatingly painful. Needless to say her social standing with this fuck is not friendly. One night while running her mouth Klaus sent her to a torture chamber of sorts to teach her a lesson that ultimately ended up triggering her dormant Gene and how she escaped. In doing so she destroyed his whole facility and every bit of research data he had gathered (hes very old school he doesnt like computers "impersonal" and "Hackable") Jokes on him at least they're less flammable.

Angered with her slight against him Klaus set about a mission to kill her for what she had done, which has kept Katerina, now Katherine on the run for quite a few years.

Down the road while living under the radar Katherine learned how to fight, and got damn good at it. She also met a man named Stefan Salvatore who she fell for instantly. This proved a problem several years into their relationship when she caught wind Klaus was on her tail and had to bolt without explanation. Obviously to protect him.

Powers and weaknesses: oooooo patriotic

immune to all sickness

hella regeneration factor she can regrow limbs and even her entire body if need be

super strength and speed

healing factor

telepathic resistance

immortality

the most insane wit you've ever heard

highly trained and skilled fighter.

Sharp retractable fangs (oop! Didn't think I'd leave out her vampirism roots did you?)

runs her mouth way too much

breaks the 4th wall

needs blood to be able to function correctly* (preferably human)

Incredible allergy to direct sunlight, it burns her skin like acid

wood slows her regenerative abilities

Wishes Stefan were Wolverine and gets lost in day dreams.

*Little side note thingie down here-

If she doesn't drink blood all of her powers weaken but mostly she gets this horrible brain fog that prevents her from thinking clearly and she will eventually desiccate and be rendered a cognitive husk- still immortal. It's not pretty folks.

The suit actually is designed to protect her from the sun. It's why shes covered head to toe.

[myloveforhergoeson]

i really think one of the craziest parts of btrtv was their school situation like. yeah we never see them in school after the second season but in theory they were getting an education and i simply think the writers handled it in the only way they could. let me explain.

typically young people in the entertainment industry are schooled either through the company they work for or through their parents. obviously, since btrtv was aimed at a younger audience they couldn't just not have the boys go to school - what kind of example would that set for the viewers? moving to hollywood equals never having to learn again?

while i was thinking about this topic earlier i was trying to come up with some different ways the show could have gone about this but managed only a few examples:

jennifer could homeschool them. but when? she's barely at the apartment as is and would have to juggle two different curriculums, one for the boys and one for katie. we already know thanks to bt school of rocque she also isn't caught up on modern schooling practices. plus i feel like, though she is their mother in many ways, she'd have difficulty controlling those 5 for 4 straight hours. i feel like they'd always be able to convince her to run off on a tangent instead of actually teaching them anything. next!

the boys could have been enrolled in regular high school. in theory, this would work for maybe a few months. until their first tour at the very least but after that i believe it would likely be dangerous for them to leave the sanctity of the palm woods or rocque records and venture out into the real world. while this could open up plotlines like people only wanting to be friends with them for their fame, crazy fans finding out where they learn, the boys being in trouble for being a genuine safety risk to other students when the paps follow them to school... seemed like more trouble than it's worth! also pretty similar to the plot of jonas which was airing at the same time on disney channel. next!

school at rocque records... had potential i believe. if gustavo had put the proper amount of funding to a quality space and quality teachers, i think the boys would have (aside from generally hating school) been alright there. while not ideal, it could have served it's purpose for the whole four hours they'd have to spend in school. it's very similar to how most industry kids learn now. in addition, they could have worked hard to graduate early, as many industry kids do, but i also believe this would have been a hard plot point to achieve. overall, i'd rank this option pretty high for the guys - it could have had everything they needed, except for the socialization they so desperately craved. next!

online school? in the early 2000's? yeah right. next!

this brings us to what i see as the final option, being of course, school at the palm woods. while not ideal, it does serve all of the boys needs to the best of the writers abilities. i do, however, feel the need to speak on the quality of education they are being granted. no shade to miss collins, i know that poor woman is doing her best and juggling probably six or seven grades worth of curriculum in her classroom, but as someone who was in a split grade class (4/5 when i was in 4th grade, 5/6 when i was in 5th grade!) i can assure you she was not giving her full attention to any of the grade levels she was trying to teach. i'm so sorry they set you up for failure queen.

while this probably worked out in the end for the guys (logan can snatch all A's and look amazing on college/med school applications and his friends could just coast by on the grades they need to pass) i think the episode in which they come back from tour and earn their final grades speaks the most to the education they're afforded. no way they (logan really) did weeks worth of work in one afternoon and earned straight c's lol. hope the band lasts forever and ever and ever after btrtv ends because if not... yikes.

but at the same time... i think this was the best option for schooling both from a writers perspective and the band's needs! socialization, check! normal school events like dancing, check! adequate enough education (how much do they really learn in four hours anyway?), check! it always fits into their working schedules. and it's union-approved! while not ideal, at the very least it's something.

in all, good luck boys! hope miss collins offers some office hours if you ever have questions... maybe there's a reason we never got to see them graduate <3

[anghraine]

Ash and I have been planning a "girls' night out" for weeks, since J is out of town (and "girl" somehow doesn't feel nearly as off for me as "woman" does, even if Ash is vastly more girly than me). So we dressed up and went out and had a great time! I even ordered *drumroll* an alcoholic beverage.

I didn't grow up drinking alcohol at all, and dislike most forms of it because the taste is so strange to me, except rum and similar things. But apart from the occasional cocktail, I hardly ever went drinking as an adult either, except a little bit early in my PhD program (since virtually all social gatherings among the grad students involved drinking) or splitting cocktails with J, usually only taking a few sips because by then I was on medication that couldn't mix with alcohol.

As it happens, despite my upbringing, I have a pretty high tolerance due to the sheer power of genetics, I guess. My bio dad's family are heavy drinkers who rarely get truly drunk and my mother had an iron stomach in her vodka-loving days before she met him. So the issue was never getting drunk (I've never been more than slightly tipsy), just familiarity and medication restrictions.

But I actually haven't been able to get refills of my medication for months, which is not good but did at least remove that particular anxiety. And the place we went to had chai with spices and rum, which sounded like a truly fantastic combination. It was the first time I'd drunk anything alcoholic by myself for 4-5 years, but turned out fine. I gave Ash a sip and she thought it was good but very heavy on the rum flavor—which, yeah, but it was absolutely delicious, and I didn't get remotely tipsy or anything, so it seems my hereditary power lingers.

[prince-liest]

This may be an odd question, but I believe you mentioned you got into writing because of rp(or at least into fanfiction?) And I was wondering how you transitioned into writing solo? Most of my writing is/was with a partner, but I've been trying to write on my own, and I've found it incredibly difficult. I'm told that what I write is still good regardless, but I've a hard time both finding enthusiasm for it without a partner to bounce off of or finishing whatever I'm working on.

This might just be a me thing and more to do with being self-critical, but if you have any advice, I'd really appreciate it. I just want to figure out how to enjoy writing again without jumping through weird hoops for motivation.

(You may have already been comfortable writing even before rp and if that's the case, feel free to disregard this question.)

I'd tried to write a bit of fanfic before my RP days with limited success motivating myself, so it really was very much RP that got me the skills and ability to be able to write full-form fics!

But more than mechanical skill, mostly I think the issue you face is very similar to what I struggled with for a while when swapping to writing fanfic, which is that a lot of the reason RP is so easy and rewarding is because it's such a profoundly social activity. You write a few paragraphs and then you get social feedback immediately from your RP partner in the form of chatting about it and/or the RP response you get! With fanfiction, you have to write a whole damn piece or chapter, post it, and then hope that you get comments if you want engagement - and then those comments are inevitably going to be a little bit less personal if, like me, you RP OCs that you put a lot of yourself into rather than pre-existing characters!

The problem with doing things for the sake of extrinsic motivation is that it kills your intrinsic motivation to do those things. This isn't a moral flaw, it's a documented psychological effect! Nowadays I write primarily because I want to see the things I put into the world, but that's fucking easy for me to say when I also have a large reader base and really enthusiastic commentors, isn't it? And it took me a hot minute to figure out how to transition to motivating myself that way rather than because I wanted interaction.

My suggestion is, honestly, to find folks that hype you up! I kinda crested that barrier by getting possessed by writing demons and pounding out like 60k words of insane Hawks-centric character study in one month during the 2020 quarantine, and I was lucky enough that people really liked it and immediately flooded my notifications with the kind of really lovely, long-form comments that my writing style encourages, which isn't really a typical experience. Those folks that hype you up, it is LOVELY if they are your friends, but sometimes what you really need to do is find the small social circle of freaks that are really into whatever niche thing it is that you are writing, and infiltrate their Discord. Ship-specific groups are really good for this! (Especially for rarepairs.)

But a lot of it is really going to be finding the balance of finding supportive people who will feed into your excitement, and also finding that part of yourself that finds the process of writing to be fun. Social activity is still 100% just a necessary part of the human experience, and I myself post snippets of my writing online and on Discord all the time for the little dopamine hit of "Yay! We're enjoying this together!" but it's become something I do because I want to share the joy I already get from writing, not because I'm writing to share it!

Which also means that you should write things that you enjoy writing. ;) Write things you are actually excited about - not just things you want to read, but things you think would be fun to write, and if there are boring parts that you're getting stuck on? Fucking skip them! I am not kidding! You think anybody thought it was a loss that I literally never even mentioned how radiostatic got together for the first time in 666? If they did, nobody's mentioned it, because it wasn't necessary to the story I actually wanted to tell. Literally so goddamn many of my fics start with cold opens because I don't like to bother with exposition until things have already gotten rolling. Fanfiction especially is GREAT for this because people are already familiar with the world you're writing in!

You are writing to entertain yourself! If it's not entertaining, don't fucking write it! Or figure out what about it is boring you, and then write it differently. This will have the splendid side effect of teaching you how to write transitions and also making a fic that is more fun to read. >:)

Anyway, this has gotten quite long, so: I'm sorry that I wasn't able to offer a great deal of advice, because I relate deeply to what you're experiencing but I basically got to speedrun the transition phase. I hope that it was at least a little bit helpful!

[studylustre]

hi carol! i hope you're doing well! if you don't mind, can you tell your journey transitioning into ux? like how you got started, how long did it take you to learn etc. i'm interested in ux after a class i took one semester but i'm always too afraid to explore more. i'm also a psych graduate so seeing another psych graduate in the ux field is nice. thank you in advance!

from: a lost 25 year old.

hi hi!! 🥰 as a disclaimer, i'm no expert and i'm still v much at the beginning of my ux journey, but i'd be more than happy to talk about my career transition to give you an idea of what it was like!

when i decided to make the leap, i enrolled into a google ux design course on coursera and earned some certificates. after a few months, i realised that whilst i wanted to be in ux, design wasn't really my forte and i started looking more into the writing side of things - i've always loved writing and reading and so this felt like a much more natural fit. thankfully, my previous experience working in marketing came in really handy bc even though i wasn't always doing strictly ux-related work, there was a lot of crossover with the things i had worked on. for example, because i was responsible for our user-facing communications, i planned and delivered everything from our emails and in-app messages to our blog posts, social media content, website pages and more. that has a big overlap with ux writing because you have to consider similar things, like:

clarity - is the messaging and cta clear to everyone who will read it?

conciseness - is the copy as short and to the point as it can be? (people don't like to read, so this was v important especially when it came to writing out in-app messages and emails as there's limited screen space)

conversational - is the copy "natural"? is it using every day language?

so as you can see from the above, i was able to take a lot of my previous experience and apply it to a ux context. i also had a few examples of ux work from my time in the marketing role that i was able to highlight in my portfolio. this is a v important asset if you're planning to apply for a ux role. you need to have a portfolio to even be considered for a role. i recommend having at least 2-3 case studies on your portfolio to show as examples of your work.

after that, it was just a case of applying and hoping to hear back from companies. i won't lie, this was the hardest part and was often really discouraging because there were times where i wouldn't hear back at all, or i would be turned away after the first or second interview. job hunting absolutely sucks, even if you have experience, so as a junior it was really challenging. eventually though, i was lucky enough to be hired into a role that really interested me and i've been working in a ux writer ever since!

if you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to message me and i'll be more than happy to share as much advice as i can! i hope this helped even a little. career transitions are a tough and often lengthy process but it's so worth it. i'll be rooting for you! 🤍

[sekritjay]

Been the bad kind of busy for me, the kind that keeps me away from tumblr, one of the few ways I get something resembling social contact in my life for a couple of reasons

First is BG3 (thanks Moose!) - starting an honour mode playthrough but because I'd been playing with the more companions mod (for that juicy, juicy banter) it completely breaks the difficulty in half. A full party, even without Wither's Jaegering a dead body is capable of taking out bosses within a couple of rounds but honestly I feel like I'm only getting half a game if I'm only hanging around with three other degenerates.

At least with Honour Mode I do have to put in a token amount of thinking before I twin-Haste Lae'Zel and Karlach in to alphastrike Denver Gortex before he can summon Daddy in to give him a hand

Second reason I can't really be around is because on the 1st of January I took the decision to completely shut down the restaurant

It's taking me more than a month to disentangle all the legalities and administration of winding down a 40 year old business while trying to bat away all the creditors asking for money on top of doing things like redundancy payments. Only just untangled my electricity bill and I'm actully glad that's over because they wanted me to drop £8,000 to settle arrears instead of the 10% we eventually agreed upon. And somehow my gas company just shrugged and let the bill lapse instead of chasing me for it

Ironically and bafflingly, the most persistent debt chasers have been the music licence people and my credit control leasers - My bills for energy, water and redundancy payments came to just over 20k, of which I'm only really paying in full for the redundancies

For the music licence and CC lease? £300. They're sending the bailiffs over £300. I'm inclined to let them come since they'll be sending collectors to force me to hand over all the nothing that company is left with. They're certainly not legally able to come after my money and even if they were I can claim that taxes and the 'property lease' take legal precedence

My main concern however is personal. The money is... painful but ultimately all these people are after the company's money. There's a certain degree of apathy and clarity in knowing that the money men can't get me to sink any lower. No, in my case it's that fact that I've been involved in the family business in some capacity since I was 14 years old. 20-odd years, 12 in management, and six years doing 60 hours 7 days a week... and it ends with a whimper

How do I move on not knowing anything else other than this life? I don't know what I'm good at, nor where I could go. Don't know who to talk to, or what I could do next. I don't even know what weekends are for, or indeed really what else to do with all the time on my hands beause historically my time off.... wasn't

I really oughtn't put all my eggs in the Canada thing, but at the same time it's the only thing I've truly wanted in... over a decade I guess. Despite knowing it's a miniscule crumb of a chance. And I dread what would happen if it doesn't work out. Or indeed, if it does

FIrst steps is getting my unemployment benefit sorted. That'll be difficult since I was self-employed. Next would be to decide between getting a job, a career or scrape together some cash from... somewhere and go study... only I don't know what I'd like to do

Ffffffffssspspsppssss. At least tumblr is a sympathetic but disinterested ear to vent to. I honestly am clueless what to do

[shenrickyz]

PERSONALITY OVERVIEWS !?

xuwicha rattanakosin …

xeno is much of the playful kind, you know, that one person in the friend group that just tells jokes all the time, yeah, that's exactly how i would sum him up. in an obvious kind of way, he is someone with much energy, someone who, in everyone else's opinion, somehow can just keep talking and talking without pausing even once. in his words, he just always has something to say, it's hard for him to not stop talking because it's just very enjoyable in his opinion. bright, upbeat, and sociable, he is someone who enjoys surrounding himself around other people, and it seems that other people enjoy being around him too.

makani seo …

makani is not someone as talkative as he may appear. though at first glance it seems that he might seem like the kind of person who can talk to people flawlessly, that couldn't be farther from the truth. he is not much of a talker and not even much of a people person either, which is amusing when you remember he's in a group with like 20 something other men, but really, it doesn't help with his social skills at all. trust and believe, makani is definitely funny, his sarcasm brings flavor to any conversation you can think of, but if you want him to talk, maybe call his name a few times. it takes him a while to open up to people, but maybe if he especially likes you he'll open up much easier.

jiang zixin …

zixin is someone.. well, complicated yeah? he can be energetic at times, he can be an absolute pain in the ass at times, and he can just be.. there at times. if you were to ask me to give you a word that describes zixin, i don't think i'd be able to do it on the spot, i'd have to think for a few moments before i could genuinely come up with one. he enjoys messing around with people, and he's very blunt and simply very honest when it comes to what he wants to say. will he say anything and everything? probably yeah, he feels the need to share every single thing he thinks, which probably isn't that good of a trait in hindsight, but it makes him unique doesn't it?

fukushima hikari …

hikari is someone with a big heart, someone who is very obvious when it comes to his emotions and expressing said emotions. he genuinely just has a lot of love to give and is very affectionate when it comes to people he loves, sometimes he feels like he overdoes it and it makes him feel a little insecure, but he never tells people about those feelings he has, instead resorting to simply showcasing his affection and keeping all of his insecurities to himself. it's easy for him to tear up quickly, but that's simply because he's had a fair share of traumatizing experiences in his lifetime. still, even with the amount of things he's gone through, hikari finds it nice to give his love to other people.

heo minjae …

minjae is unhinged and for the most part, he enjoys that. the thing about him is that, even in the most serious of situations, he can't help but giggle, or chuckle, or simply because he thought about a random joke from seven months ago. most of the time, minjae zones out during situations, and when he finally realizes he zoned out, he doesn't even remember what's going on, people have literally stopped filling him in on certain situations because he won't get it anyway. even with that, though, he does have good intentions, yeah he chews ice, but those are the least of his problems.

kang seojun …

seojun is much like how you expect a maknae is, overly upbeat, energetic, bright, and pretty unserious most of the time. he's someone who never really got the chance to be a kid, so those childish tendencies he never got to have as an actual child have now blossomed into his adulthood. but of course, like everyone, seojun can be pretty serious himself, he just doesn't enjoy it, because he's one of the youngest, so he enjoys actually acting like it most of the time. he often makes the older members sigh because what the hell goes through his mind most times? and yes he may be pretty impulsive, but he's pretty, so who cares?

hi user @junjiie please dont eat them i really need these storylines to commence so postpone it for now!!!