#(btw I <3 nonbinary lesbians and think they are all very valid this is just My Own Feelings)

[rejoiceandcomplain]

girl help.

[t1oui]

thinking about making a college au that may or may not be a texting fic and trying to make it as gay as possible bc fuck jkr so here are some headcanons (based off of what me from 2:15 am wrote in my notes)

james: they/them, nonbinary, panromantic asexual

sirius: he/him, bisexual (or gay, i haven't decided)

remus: he/they, trans, unlabeled

peter: he/him, trans, aromantic omnisexual

lily: she/her, intersex, demisexual lesbian

mary: she/her, bisexual

marlene: she/her, lesbian

regulus: he/him, trans, gay

dorcas: she/they, genderqueer, unlabeled

barty: he/they/it, boyflux, pansexual & hypersexual

evan: he/they, bigender, biromantic asexual

pandora: she/her, trans, pansexual

emmeline: she/her, grayromantic omnisexual

benjy: he/they, trans, bisexual

+ some other headcanons about them being queer together <3

sirius being VERY into labels and remus hating them with a passion and them learning to see each other's perspective

pandora and evan are mtf and ftnb (bigender) and they literally just switched names at like age 4. their parents didn't notice and only barty, reg, and dorcas know

remus helping evan feel less insecure about their top surgery scars :)

rem and dorcas bonding over being unlabeled

james helping dorcas figure out that she's genderqueer

emmeline and peter becoming friends after finding out that they're both arospec omnis

barty feeling really validated when people actually use it/its for it and the people who DO use all his pronouns being his favorite (no im not projecting lol what)

evan and james bond over being asexual (also lily)

benjy is the awkwardest bisexual to ever bi. i just think you should know. also he's adorable

pandora and lily date for about 2 seconds before they break up and pandora becomes lily's wingwoman in her quest to date mary

remus and benjy are both awkward asf so they go on one date and realize immediately they have negative chemistry and now they're best friends

pandora randomly adopts benjy and he just goes with it and carries her books around also they kiss

jegulus who have been dating this whole time (sirius somehow managed to realize they liked each other without noticing his crush on remus, truly something only he could do) and who are super subtle unless you're looking for clues that they're together

also bc this is a university au i'll say who's rooming with who: james & reg, sirius & peter, remus & benjy, mary & pandora, lily & marlene, dorcas & emmeline, evan & barty

(for the record james and reg sleep in separate beds because reg refuses to be woken up at "the asscrack of dawn" every day when james goes for their morning run)

remus, lily, and reg being besties

peter being in a qpr with evan & barty and having sex w barty (evan will literally sit on the bed next to them and read while they're going at it)

they start a queer club btw.

anyway that's all for now

[im-the-punk-who]

Idk if ur the right person to send this to so feel free to ignore if you aren't but I'm beginning to realize that I might be a trans guy after years of thinking I'm enby and I'm really struggling with that? I've received a lot of the messages over the years about how men are bad and violent and I've also experienced a lot of gender based violence before I was out. I know intellectually that there's nothing wrong with manhood and yet I'm still really struggling. Idk do you have any thoughts on learning to accept your own manhood

Okay! Sorry this took a few days to answer but this is...definitely still a complicated thing for me, too.

First off I wanna say that whether you end up identifying as a binary trans man or somewhere in between that and nonbinary, that is very cool and valid and all of this can apply no matter where on the spectrum of masculinity you ultimately end up falling.

I saw a post which explains the basic thesis of what I'm gonna say, which is that your gender does not equal your morality. 

Tumblr in particular really likes to go hard on the misandry and it can be really hard not to internalize that. Especially when it comes in the form of so many jokes, and especially especially when some of it does line up with experiences you’ve had. The biggest thing to realize, is that just *being a man* doesn't make you inherently violent or toxic or bad. All of the things that Tumblr and feminism in general tends to equate to “being a man = bad” are things that are learned or encouraged over time, no matter how much terfs like to insist they are traits inherent in being born with a y chromosome. 

(And yes, these misandry arguments ALL have their basis in gender essentialism and in arguing why trans people can’t exist.)

As this relates to trans men, it becomes akin to walking a tightrope our entire lives. In both society at large and LGBT spaces we're made to fit as close as possible into gender norms to avoid violence or oppression(or the insistence we’re really just lesbians or self-hating cishets). But we also have first hand experience of the ways in which men are *socialized* to behave being harmful and don’t want to perpetuate them and be labeled a ‘bad person’. So we have to constantly walk this line of, I suppose trying to act manly enough while also trying not to cause waves (And, AS A NOTE, does that sound eerily similar to the argument most feminists say is purely a feminine experience? Is it almost like the very system that seeks to free cis women through hatred of men perpetrates those exact same systems onto other marginalized communities?)

And I will say, this is something I still struggle with. A lot. It's not going to be something you can take a magic pill for and never have to worry about again. I started transitioning almost a decade ago and I'm still trying to find the balance. Cis men can spend their *whole lives* trying to find that balance. I know quite a few - in case it feels like this is a purely trans experience. Reckoning with the way that male privilege has socialized men to harm at the same time radical feminism has socialized everyone it can that all men intentionally cause harm is a universal experience among men who are aware of it. 

It's not easy, and I guess just...if you feel like you're struggling on that front as you continue your gender journey(Laynie i hate you i hate you i hate you) try to remind yourself that you're not alone. And that what you’re fighting against is a systemic socialization, not something inherent in yourself. You’re going to screw up - that doesn't make you a bad person or a bad man.

I listen a lot to Brene Brown. 

I know people are probably sick of hearing me talk about her, but she is a shame researcher who honestly helped me a LOT in realizing why I was feeling so bad about parts of my personality or my gender expression. She’s excellent. If you find you’re having a lot of trouble reckoning with being this thing you have perceived as bad for a very long time, I highly recommend listening to some of her ted talks and other speeches. Most of them are on youtube. 

For a long time I was trying to base my gender off of what I thought people would love. I went over the top, dressed in popular styles, was WAY more feminine than I actually feel, and tried to make myself as unassuming as possible - in part because of childhood trauma but also because I was genuinely ashamed to be a man(particularly a gay man) because I had internalized the idea that men - especially gay men - were woman-haters. (And, because I hated *myself* as a woman, I thought that I also hated women, and I thought that I must be one of those Bad Gays.)

But once I stopped trying to do that? Once I was like ‘no I’m actually a gay-up man’ and stopped berating myself for not liking my feminie body and hating the parts of myself that I didn’t identify with but felt forced to perform? Once I started looking at what made *me* happy and not other people? It became so much easier to not feel those things. 

SO I guess, what I’m saying is that the best way to deal with internalized misandry is to try to forgive yourself, and recognize that the things that men perpetrated against you and that people say are ‘toxic male traits’ are not *inherent* to being a man. They are things that are taught to men(both cis and trans) by society. And also that like, these are also things that are not just inherent to men. Any toxic trait that a man exhibits a woman can too - and yeah there’s a discussion about how the general power imbalance between men and women makes it less likely a woman would cause as much damage but honestly? If you’re on tumblr you’re most likely in female dominated spaces where arguably that isn’t true, especially with the number of fucking TERFS on this website. 

Also....you do not inherit cismale privilege just by identifying as a man. No matter how far you take your transition, you are *always* going to be at a different level of privilege from a cisman. Even if you transition as far as you are able to right now and live and pass as a cisman for the rest of your life, you are not a cisman and that is going to affect how you move through the world.

(That doesn’t mean you are not a *man* because you are not cis, btw. Just that there are things that cismen don’t have to worry about that are going to affect your life - things like ovarian cancer, breast cancer, hormonal dependence, corrective abuse, medical shortages, physical differences that out transpeople - there are a hundred things that trans men have to experience throughout their lives that cismen are never, ever going to deal with. And yes, this goes for transwomen / cis women as well.)

Something that helped me become comfortable living as a man was to look at specific traits of the men in my life. Why did I feel comfortable around this man, but not others, what red flags physically or emotionally did this behavior set off in me? And then focusing on those specific *behaviors* rather than the men themselves. If you can separate the individual traits from an overarching idea of 'manhood' that might be helpful in feeling like you can inhabit manhood without being toxic. 

Basically, my best advice is to tell yourself that what makes you a man does not make you inherently toxic. In fact what makes *all* men, men, does not make them inherently toxic. Men are not trash just because they’re men, and the fight against misandry *is* a fight for marginalized people. It hurts transmasculine people in exactly the ways you are hurting. No matter what TERFs say - no matter what male-critical or whatever they’re calling themselves to not have to call themselves TERFs say - men are not born evil, or bad, or trash. 

Toxic masculinity is a learned behavior. It is not something you are given the day you start identifying as a man, and it is not something you have to perpetuate. 

Calling it anything else does a disservice to everyone who identifies as masculine of center but especially trans men, who have to reckon with this exact knowledge that in affirming who they are, certain people are going to hate them and call them monsters and tell them they are trash and unworthy of loving without hurting. 

And that shit just isn’t true. It isn’t fucking true! Men are not toxic just because they are men, and you are not a bad person just because you are a transman. That’s, I suppose, the best advice I can offer you. I hope it helps, and I also just want to reiterate that I hope you find affirmation in whatever you end up deciding. <3 <3 <3

[fuckedupevil-slumberparty]

Alright so I made this blog because I have a spicy personality disorder and it has convinced me that if I don't force myself to use a customer servicesona at all times that I am #toxic and #burning in hell so this is just where I don't have to worry about that.

This isn't a discourse blog please do not interact with me with the intention of discoursing

Basic Info

Not to be a kinnie on main but I'm too tired to pick a name rn so you call me Glimmer. Or Slumber works too actually. Honestly kin assign me names.you think fit my.vibes. cause confusion...get.wild.with it I do.not mind.

Any pronouns except for he/him which I don't vibe with. You can use she/her if you're a fellow nonbinary but I'm not a girl btw <3

Like my bio says I'm plural, if you don't know what that means it means there's multiple people in my (our) body. I'm the only one likely to use this blog I also will not tolerate any discourse about this. If you're singlet you can ask about it but don't clown or I will make all the tags on your clothes indestructible and scratchy.

While my body is an adult I am not internally. All this means is I'm not that mature and that I'm stressed from having to act the body's age at all times (But this does not mean that I am actually underaged at all, I am functionally and legally an adult and will act like one but a very immature very tired one that just wants to stop being the one piloting this flesh suit so I can vibe). For this and trauma reasons please do not talk about adult stuff (nsfw mainly but stuff that wouldn't be appropriate for teenagers) to me without my permission.

Sometimes I age regress I doubt I will post about it often but just know that it is the mental illness kind and not the gross fucked up kind

I have so so many (self) dxes but most importantly autism (so I misunderstand things easily) Dyslexia (so I misread/misinterpret things a lot) and ADHD + BPD (I have bad RSD and panic when I think I've fucked up somehow) I don't use my mental deal as an excuse for anything but keep that in mind if I ever mess something up or am messy.

DNI

The usual stuff I'm too tired to list everything that's on most DNIs but if you're right wing/conservative, a TERF, a transmed, etc. then DNI.

If you think only people with DID can be plural/multiple, think that you have to have trauma to, think that fictives aren't real/valid, or fakeclaim systems. (I have either DID or OSDD1 and am traumagenic so don't even try it lmao) if you don't know what this means then you're good dw I won't be explaining it because said group looks up that discourse and sends death threats and ableist bs to bootlick psychiatry.

If you're pro-kink for like...anything popular tbh I have no idea if there is a single kink community not rooted in abuse and/or oppression so I'm just saying all of them. Go away nasties.

Anyone who's ok with shipping gross shit like pedophilia incest abuse etc bc it's fiction

Anyone into shit like Yandere, traumacore, stuff that fetishizes mental illness or trauma. (Tl:dr on traumacore it paints trauma as an aesthetic and the community promotes emotional and sometimes physical self harm and I'm still recovering from that community)

Think any mental disorder is scary, bad, or inherently toxic. Take your "survivor of narcissistic abuse" ass and jump into a trashcan so you can ride it to the circus <3

If you're an ace exclusionist or mogai exclusionist or mspec lesbian/gay exclusionist etc.

You're a fan of Th0mas S@nders or the sides

You're a fan of hom3stuck or H@$bin H0t3l or danganronpa

Hetalia AOT/SNK or promare fans

Also fans of Steven Universe and She Ra are fine but if you like the diamonds or Hordaks redemption arcs/think they can be redeemed DNI bc that is major cringe actually.

Other important info

I tag the q word because it's an actual trigger to some people and wanting an identity tagged is not dehumanizing y'all just have trigger warnings stigmatized so much you think that triggers can only be bad things. I'm fine with people using the word as an identity but please don't use it for me (or anyone who hasn't said they're ok with it)

I'm anti cringe culture but by that I mean that bullying kids for drawing fursonas and being nombinary is shitty and not that nothing and no one should be criticized. I call media cringe or behaviors cringe sometimes but only if there's something actually wrong or bigoted about it.

I call myself an idiot/stupid a lot. This is not self depreciation and is the reclamation of ableist language. I take pride in being someone who is not academically put together and who falls very short of any intellectual standards. At the same time miss me with that IQ shit bc that's based in white supremacy.

I have trauma surrounding debate and debate culture that I don't want to explain but basically do not attempt to debate me. I will not do it and it stresses me out. Discuss things yes but debate no.

If you recognize my typing style and me and we're mutuals/friends on other blogs and I haven't told you about this one it doesn't mean I was hiding it from you and if I criticize something you enjoy that I've never criticized to you it's not a vague to you it's likely because my mental ill brain decided if I have opinions everyone will hate me so I made a blog for it.

Even in "bastard mode" on this blog I'm not like. Rude or mean. So if you ever wanna chat sometimes feel free to!

I'm falling asleep now bc I did this at 1am for some reason but ill add anything else if it's relevant later ig.