#(and you will still grow regardless of what the law says ;3)

[bluepallilworld]

teehee

Happy birthday @shinechermont !

Here our girls hanging out because I thought it'd be fun uwu

Rose

thanks @ari-cuno for organizing that collab gift thingie!!!

[yuamin]

ORORUN REDRAW GUIDE !

i think we’ve all seen the atrocity that is genshin’s unreleased character, ororun. the entirety of natlan is a mess really, but as a yoruba person myself i CANNOT keep quiet about ororun specifically.

outside yoruba mythology, in yoruba, ‘Olorun’ (the name ororun is based on, pronounced o-law-roon , with o pronounced as in orange and the ‘roon’ pronounced shortly, not dragged on at all) is actually the same word we often use to refer to God in Christianity. Christianity is the primary religion among us yorubas so honestly, i was kinda glad they misspelled his name. it would feel SO disrespectful referring to whatever that thing is with the same word we use to refer to God who we actually worship. religion aside, genshin’s depiction of Olorun (cultural god, not Christian one) is downright disgusting. i’d never paid too much attention to genshin and its poor representation, but now that my culture has fallen victim to it, i completely understand all the outrage.

edit: please note that while we use ‘Olorun’ to refer to the Christian God, Olorun is just a general word for ‘god’ itself ! for example if i say “God in heaven” and “god of thunder” we know i’m referring to two different beings, in yoruba it’s the kind of the same—the same word is used to refer to both the Christian and other gods, but we know it’s different, even though olorun can be capitalized regardless of what god we’re talking about (unlike english where the Christian God is capitalized and other gods aren’t) at the end of the day though, when we say “olorun” even without context, we are usually referring to the christian God !

1. PLEASE DO NOT DRAW HIM WITH ANIMAL EARS !

i’ve noticed that hoyoverse has this nasty habit of portraying every dark skinned character as wild or animal-esque. kaeya seems to be the only exception to this. even xinyan, though lacking any animal features, has this wild energy to her. some might call it a stretch, but i feel like her features are pretty feline in comparison to other liyue characters.

Olorun in our culture is the supreme god of the heavens. In my opinion, it is disrespectful to liken him to something akin to an animal. normally i wouldn’t even mind that much, but with how hoyo makes its few dark characters more and more like animals, i can’t help but feel weird about it. its really off putting.

2. HIS HAIR WOULD NOT BE CURLY !

majority of nigerians have 4C HAIR. not wavy hair or loose curls. some have 4B, but 4C is the usual here, that is, kinky or coily hair. Olorun is often portrayed as bald in traditional art, but trust me if he had hair his hair would resemble his people’s, not Tyla’s.

DREADLOCKS ARE A YES ! outside nigeria, locking hair is pretty common, but in nigeria a lot of people have locks naturally. our hair sometimes just grows out that way, no treatment no nothing. dreads are 100% an appropriate style, they look good asf too.

3. PLEASE USE CULTURAL FABRICS IN YOUR DESIGNS !

when i saw ororun’s outfit, i almost started crying. they couldn’t even bother to dress him up a little. they really dressed my brother in a scarf and cape and called it a day 😭 upon how fashionable we nigerians are know to be, hoyoverse still made it their mission to embarrass us stylistically. God knows my people have suffered man 😭

ankara is a traditional nigerian fabric that features bright colors and lots of patterned designs. see below:

here in 9ja, we love our ankara. it’s a big part of our fashion here and trust me it would look excellent in your designs. it’s perfectly fine to draw ororun in normal fabrics since he’s a deity and it’s not like ankara existed back then, but if you really want to represent nigeria, ankara is a must 🙏

i’m going to address another fashion piece because if you search up nigerian fashion you’ll see it a lot: beads.

these orange beads are igbo (another tribe here in nigeria) NOT yoruba. does this mean you can’t use it in olorun’s design ? no ! let me explain. tbh, here in nigeria there’s a bit of...tension between clans. it’s not that common, but older people are definitely a lot more tribalist. as a yoruba i love my igbo brothers and sisters, i truly believe they’re the most fashionable clan and i adore their festivities, they always go over the top. please, just look at them:

(only one image because of image caps, ugh)

anyway, we yorubas wear beads too. but the specific way the beads are worn around the head and in multiple layers round the neck is igbo, not yoruba. though i personally wouldn’t care too much if i saw olorun with igbo beads since all i want is for him to at least look nigerian, at the end of the day he is a yoruba deity. it might be disrespectful to dress the god of one clan as if he belongs to another, especially since there is so much historical ( and very slight but uncommon present ) day tension between both clans.

here’s a more yoruba outfit. sorry yall, it might be hard for you to distinguish if you’re not yoruba or igbo, but a lot of nigerians can tell the difference at a glance. ( actually nowadays, there is so much overlap between yoruba and igbo fashion, but there are many specific styles that may be associated with one tribe and not the other, for example how beads are worn in the above paragraph ) please do your research, he’s not only a nigerian god, but a yoruba one.

one more thing, because i know it will start discourse : skin tone.

nigerians have a very diverse range of skin tones. some of us are so pale, if not for our afrocentric features we could maybe pass for another race. however, ororun is yoruba.

light skinned nigerians are usually igbo. not to say that yorubas can’t be light skin, but here in nigeria if you saw a light skinned person, we’d automatically assume they were igbo. igbo people usually have lighter skin tones. majority of yorubas fall on the more milk to dark chocolate end of the skin tone spectrum. i’m saying this now because i know a lot of people are going to start arguments over ororun being redrawn as ‘too light’ or ‘too dark.’ i don’t really care about complexion, but i thought i’d help you all get your facts right.

that’s it ! if you read all this i’m super thankful. i don’t usually post about this kind of stuff but i honestly love my country and could go on about it for days. nigeria is such a beautiful place with a diverse range of cultures— from hausas to fulanis to so many more. natlan was supposed to be Africa’s time to shine, as well as latin americans, but hoyoverse said fuck you and your people. they did this to an extent with sumeru but natlan was done straight up dirty—not a single melanated character in sight, and the only one who does have melanin, iansan, looks so desaturated you might as well call her grey. i saw someone on tiktok call mualani a dark skinned character—it was at that point that i knew genshin was done for.

please REBLOG this post so it reaches more people and artists in the fandom !! this is literally the third time i’m making this post because tumblr refuses to show it in the tags for some reason 😭 i encourage other cultures who feel misrepresented to make posts like this too. it’s a perfect opportunity to educate and inform people about the diverse cultures genshin has once again failed to represent properly.

Hoyo has never been one to make customer satisfaction their top priority, but we’ve been able to call them out before and i truly believe we can do it again. Natlan is not poor design choice. it is blatant racism, a nation based on POC ethnicities with not a single colored character insight. Hoyoverse has been able to escape racism accusations for as long as i can remember, but natlan is the icing on the cake. we CANNOT allow hoyo to proceed as planned without giving them the appropriate backlash.

Also, if you redraw ororun using this guide, make sure to tag me here or on my main blog, @heartkaji !! i’d love to see all your redesigns. once again, thank you all for reading and have an amazing day !!

[marlshroom]

came to the fucked up realization after finishing gravity falls again last night the parallels of the dream bubble bill made for mabel and the literal state of delusion he keeps himself in.

in the book of bill on the page where bill cipher describes how he figured out a way to manipulate her into giving him the rift, it says:

"Summers ending, my guy. Ending to death, bro. She'd do anything to make it last just a day longer. Probably something RASH and OUT OF CHARACTER, even!"

as we know, mabel cannot handle the fact that she will be growing up. that the relationship with her brother is going to change. she is scared of high school.

bill then says "That was it. She'd never make a deal with me. But she'd make a deal with someone she believed could give her more time. The dream was done. I had her."

bill then creates the dream bubble for mabel, he makes every one of her dreams come true, a place where time is still and she can be a kid forever. a lie so great that she wont have to face the truth.

in journal 3 on one of the pages bill is writing in code, we see this:

[ID: "I ask you, why must[should] time only move forward? Why must cause preceded effect. Who voted on the law of physics."]

my friend helped me break down what bill means by this:

why can we only move forward in the 4th dimension of time. why does something have to make another thing happen, why must cause come before the effect. why cant you move backwards, in the other direction, change the decisions youve made.

how interpret this is bill asking why he is not able to back and stop what he did to his family. he says to ford that he tried and failed to undo the past.** why did him wanting people to acknowledge his advantages instead of suppress him lead to the destruction of his whole dimension?

**(i just want to point out that this is probably the time where bill is the MOST open to anybody, or at least the first. to his henchmaniacs he had been telling them that he liberated his dimension until the oracle discovered the truth. here, to ford, he got so much closer to telling the truth. he SHOWS ford the last atoms of his world. he says that it was destroyed by a monster, not that it was liberated! destroyed)

back to when bill says "I had her" about mabel, he had her cause he knew exactly what needed to happen to trap mabel in a delusion because it is exactly what he is doing to himself. creating a fake narrative of what happened to him, that he was vindicated in killing his whole dimension. only ever doing exactly what he wants because confronting the truth is too scary for him(good fucking lord). the morality page offers good insight into this too.

i am actually just going to quote the whole page and highlight the important part. it speaks for itself really

"THE POINT IS it's[morality] is a very flexible concept! But parents and presidents don't want you to know that, because then you might start asking other questions, like who put them in charge, anyway? So they cram your brain full of guilt and regrets for transgressing the laws that they just made up(the laws that they made to prevent the destruction of their dimension, regardless of if the law + the wrongful medication of a fucking baby triangle did any good to actually prevent it). Wouldn't it be nice if you could put all that baggage down? Quell the shame that follows you everywhere for a lifetime of crimes? MAKE THE SCREAMS FINALLY STOP? The good news is you CAN silence that annoying voice, and here's how!

DENIAL

Works 100% of the time in every situation. What you you mean there are people who disagree? I can confidently say there aren't!

RATIONALIZATION

If you can do it, you can justify it! "Truth" is open-source code and anyone can edit it anytime! Want to be like me? List 3 "evil" things and then 3 "reasons why they're actually good." You'll be rationalizing like Bill in no time!

DETACHMENT

Did you know 100% of your human cells die and are replaced every 7 years? That means that anything you did 7 years ago wasn't even you-it was some dead loser! You can't be held accountable for what a dead person did! What? You think this is just another form of rationalization? I DENY THAT!

THE BILL CIPHER DECISION METHOD!

Working over the eons, the voices in my head teamed up and worked out a foolproof method for making any decision in any situation.

DO WHATEVER I WANT."

ooooooooooooooooooh boy.

he is fully admitting here that he is living in a completely different really in order to justify doing whatever he wants. he gives mabel the tools to deny, to rationalize, to detach herself from the reality of it all. that time has to move forward. and he thinks it will work because it worked on himself.

but it doesn't work on mabel because she understands that she needs other people. shes vunerable, she lets people in, admits when shes wrong. and bill cant do that because it would destroy the fantasy he's created for himself.

[dfortrafalgar]

I'm Losing You

Having a family isn't always as easy as fairy tales make it seem.

Warnings: i'm going to say it on every chapter. READ THE WARNINGS ON CHAPTER 1!!!!!

Also, I am officially opening up a tag list for readers who are interested in updates. If you are interested, either respond to a chapter, DM me, or send an ask and I will add you to the list.

I'm eventually going to make a masterlist for this fic, but that won't be until it's completely finished.

Taglist: @phsycochan

Chapter 4

[Prev] [Next]

Saturday morning.

Law was woken up at 3:30 AM from his hospital pager calling him in as quickly as possible for an active aortic aneurysm.  You had woken up from how quickly he jumped out of bed, but fell back asleep just as rapidly, getting to sleep in as you had weekends off.  When you did wake up, however, you were nervous.

You were tracking.  

You were supposed to get your period 10 days ago.

Bepo didn’t seem to need to go out that urgently, so you quickly fed him before retreating to the bathroom, digging through the medicine drawers for your abundance of at-home pregnancy tests that Law insisted on keeping.  Your hands were shaking as you unboxed the familiar white stick before performing the test.

You washed your hands and waited for the test to come back.

You wanted to leave and make yourself breakfast, anything to distract you from the turmoil of waiting, but your feet simply refused to move from their spot.  The only sound in your head was the pounding of your own heart, the only reminder that you were even still alive.

One minute passed.

Then two minutes.

Then three.

Was the world still turning?  Were you still breathing?

You blinked once.  Then twice.

You reached a shaky hand forward and picked up the test, gazing at the result window.

—

Law remained on call, but was able to return home after the aneurysm operation.  He opened the door to see you standing there, a bright smile on your face.  He had barely taken off his jacket when you thrust a white stick in his face.

His stomach dropped.

“Law…” you whispered, your face growing more and more excited.

“It’s…” he uttered back, golden eyes wide with exasperation.

Two thin red lines displayed in the result window.

You barely had time to register his reaction when Law scooped you off of your feet, spinning you in his arms.  You squealed at the sensation, gripping his shoulders tightly as Bepo sprung to his feet and barked at the display.  You were placed back down, Law stabilizing you by your arms.  His cheeks were flushed, his eyes blown wide.

“It’s actually… is it actually…?” he asked, winded.  Even he could barely believe his eyes.

“It’s positive, Law…” you whispered back, your own disbelief was palpable, but your joy was radiating from your body in waves.  You flung your arms around his neck, laughing into his shoulder.  Law held you around your hips, the smile on his face comparable to his smiles from your wedding night.

It was positive.

It was positive.

“Law… what do we do now?” you asked, still gripping the test.  You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the two thin red lines on the display, as if you were still coming to terms with reality.  You were pregnant.

“I… I honestly don’t know…” he responded, equally dumbstruck.  

You both had sex around three times within the past two weeks, so it definitely happened some time then.  Regardless, you beamed.  “I just… can’t believe it.  Almost eight months…”

Law pulled you toward the couch in your shared living area, sitting you down next to him and holding you close.  There were so many words he wanted to say, so many expressions of sheer delight and excitement at the sudden success of your shared efforts, but all he managed to say was, “I’m gonna be a dad…”

You laughed, both out of nerves and elation as you added, “I’m gonna be a mom…”

The two of you stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before bursting into a shared fit of giggles.  Bepo hopped up onto the couch next to you, shoving his head into your shoulder and forcing you to turn your attention to him to pet and kiss his head.

“Bepo, you’re gonna be a big brother!” you cheered.  The dog’s pink tongue was hanging out of his muzzle, like he was smiling just as bright as you and Law were.

Law wanted to shout it from the rooftops.  He wanted the entire universe to know.  But for your sake, and for the sake of Bepo’s sensitive ears, he kept his words contained within the walls of your apartment.

“We did it…”

[pyropsychiccollector]

Shiro Harem: Holy Grail War... of Love 2/7

As you guys know, the poll ended up being a 3-way tie... Technically. Although, based off the accidental "first" poll where Artoria had more votes tying her with Sakura... I'm gonna be generous and throw the King of Knights in here as an "unofficial" winner. It's the only poll that changed drastically enough, and I feel bad for flubbing up the first time. XD

... So, uh. Yeah. I'll be writing up 4 posts before posting anything. Be sure to cycle through my posts to find your favorite girl(s)... The official winners are Rin, Sakura, and Luvia. I'll be getting to Mitsuzuri, Illya, and Reines later. XD

The Beginning

Let's just jump into #2 now~... (人◕ω◕) Sakura-chan is... She's an interesting one. I like her supportive dynamic with Shiro, but for my own peace of mind I'm tweaking things... Mostly for Sakura's sake, but a bit for Shiro's sake as well.

But first, the disclaimer:

Fate: Stay Night is all about branching timelines. As such, to cater to all seven members of this harem in a single worldline, we'll be looking at an AU separate from the canon ones, regardless of how similarly events may play out. Just a forewarning.

With that out of the way... I do need to stress this is where we begin to look at the divergences in the timeline. Because even if she didn't show up often in Fate Zero, you could argue she had an important role even back then... The Fourth Holy Grail War is where her life began going down the crapper, and the war's conclusion shattered Shiro as a person. You could argue that the divergences in the Fourth War play into why the Fifth War panned out so differently in this AU. Both wars are intimately connected~... So I'm gonna go ham here. Apologies for those who might prefer a more broken Sakura... But that's too angsty for my palette. I won't allow it. (人◕ω◕)***

Let's start with the big one. Sakura had an Uncle Kariya who meant the world to her. (人◕ω◕) Sakura was born the second daughter of the Tohsaka family, and her father Tokiomi being the brilliant man that he is... He decided to judiciously follow the laws and traditions of magi families - that there can only ever be one heir that inherits the Magical Crest of the Tohsaka's. And instead of letting Sakura choose her own life, her own path, Tokiomi decided because Sakura had so much potential that she should be given away to the Matou's, an ally mage family. So that she could be groomed into their heir, since they didn't have one. Not a proper one; Shinji was too weak to be considered an heir.

Seems "reasonable", yeah? Just give Sakura away to an ally magus family. Give the "unnecessary" child up for adoption... (人◕ω◕)*** Unfortunately, Tokiomi is a fool. It's one thing to want what's best for your kids... It's also one thing to follow traditions zealously because that's always how things have "always" been done, not all cultures encourage reflection and adaptation... (人◕ω◕)** But this guy gave his kid away to a veritable vampire and didn't know it. Of course Zouken hides his longevity pretty well... On top of how he's stayed alive for centuries...

It was a pretty big mistake. But that's what it was: A mistake. Because for all that I can harp on Tokiomi's idiocy all day, he didn't do it maliciously... He did want Sakura to thrive and come into her own as a magus. Even if that meant competing with her sister Rin one day. ... But you know what they say about good intentions, the road they pave... (人◕ω◕)

Still, this is when Kariya enters the picture. Just as the Fourth Holy Grail War is entering the final phases of preparation, he returns to Japan from some trip around the world that took a while. His lifelong friend Aoi Tohsaka, Rin and Sakura's mom, is used to him being away for lengthy periods and is simply happy to see him back. Rin is happy enough to see him, too... But when he opens up the can of worms that is Sakura, mother and daughter grow despondent. He learns about Tokiomi giving Sakura away to the Matou's, the family that he's distanced himself from because he can't stand being around them... Particularly around "grandfather"...

But Kariya can't let things be, no matter how much Aoi begs him. Aoi was the woman he loved, and still loves... And he treasures her daughters just as much. Sakura was especially fond of "Uncle Kariya", and that's why he goes to confront Zouken about the adoption. Because he knows the Matou family magic will break Sakura, it would break anyone. The Matou's really only exist for Zouken's benefit...

... Unfortunately for Kariya, Sakura was already thrown into the worm pit, and has been down there for days... Already broken and traumatized. Kariya is beside himself, and instantly tries to strike a bargain with Zouken: He'll win the Fourth Holy Grail War, and when he does Zouken will release Sakura. Return her to the Tohsaka's. Zouken isn't exactly keen to hedge his bets on Kariya, but it gives the old fossil a chance to torture Kariya and make him suffer... So he tentatively agrees, insisting Sakura will continue her training until Kariya returns with the Grail.

... In one timeline, Kariya dies failing to save Sakura. He dies with Aoi believing that he killed Tokiomi... And he severely wounded her in grief and outrage.

This timeline goes better. ... For the most part. During the war, Kiritsugu's assistant Maiya encounters Kariya. She's about to kill him, threat of Berserker be damned, but he winds up begging her for an alliance. Kariya asserts that his life doesn't matter - he's got an unruly Servant, and his body is rapidly deteriorating... Kariya intends to keep fighting even if he expires in the process, but his ultimate objective is to save Sakura. Maiya and whoever she works for is under no obligation to help him, but he begs them to save Sakura... Kariya's willing to offer them his Servant's power for however long he has it, as long as they follow through on their end of the deal.

Maiya contacts Kiritsugu about Kariya's offer... And while he'd sooner just kill Berserker's Master and be done with it, his wife Iri talks him into the alliance. She points out that Kiritsugu should be able to understand Kariya's pain, wishing to save a child that he cares for dearly... And Kariya is rather bedraggled and barely functioning as it is. What's the harm in helping a dying man?

So Kiritsugu agrees to meet with Kariya. They hash out what makes Zouken so damn near "unkillable", and they agree to go to the Church about the matter. Kirei's father, Risei, knows of ways to deal with corrupt magi such as Zouken, and as the matter is not related to the Grail War directly... he agrees to put the war on hold to deal with Zouken Matou.

Zouken attempts to flee the Matou estate with Sakura, unwilling to lose his best chance in the next Grail War... But gets taken down by Risei, Kirei, and Tokiomi, who is repulsed to learn about the truth of the man he entrusted his daughter with. The "vampire" doesn't die so easily... But he is exterminated. And Sakura's body is purged of all the crest worms that defiled her body.

Kariya is offered the same treatment, but he refuses. He knows that he will die whether they deal with the crest worms or not... He needs what magic they can offer him to keep going in this war. Because even with Sakura saved from his monster of a "grandfather", Tokiomi is adamant about giving Sakura away to a different family once the war is resolved... Kariya simply refuses to allow that to happen. He continues to fight for Sakura's sake... striking a new deal with Tokiomi that should Kariya survive the war, Grail or no, he'll retain custody of Sakura for however long he lives for.

Tokiomi isn't so enthused to accept any "deal" with Kariya, a waste of a magus like him... But he's also a father. And he is well aware that Sakura will need a... grace period to recover from her trauma. He figures that whenever Kariya dies, he can negotiate with Kariya's brother to take Sakura back. With this strategy in mind, Tokiomi "accepts" Kariya's challenge.

... To his own detriment. In the end, Kirei still kills Tokiomi. He loses the chance to torment Kariya, as the Matou representative honors his word and keeps fighting alongside Kiritsugu and Saber... But it's still the same old, same old. Kiritsugu still kills Kayneth. Saber takes on and defeats Iskandar, and Gilgamesh annihilates Lancelot because of his "weak" Master. Kiritsugu fights Kirei to the death, and Saber is forced to "destroy" the Grail... which brings about calamity, anguish, and despair.

But Kariya... He manages to survive those events, similarly to Kiritsugu. It's nightmarish, wading through what would later be known as "the Great Fire", but they manage to find and rescue Shiro. Kariya leaves the boy in Kiritsugu's care, once they get him to a hospital. He returns home to the Matou estate and hashes some things out with his brother, who's leery and uncertain of what the future holds for them now that they don't have Zouken breathing down their necks...

For a few years, Kariya manages to cling on. They're not entirely happy, Sakura can tell her Uncle is seriously ailing and worries over him... But moreover, she just struggles to... accept that "grandfather" is gone. That she doesn't have to be tortured anymore. Deep down, she's bitter that she suffered at all, that her father gave her away like that...

But Kariya helps Sakura to reconnect with Aoi and Rin. He gives Sakura the choice to return to them now that Tokiomi's gone - and yes, that was an ordeal working out what happened to him; Kirei had no one to easily pin his teacher's death on, and so the man denies knowing anything at all, plays the part of the "aggrieved" student who happened to discover the body - and Sakura turns the offer down. She's... conflicted about her mother and sister, who allowed her to be given away. Though Kariya insists that they love her, and want to be with Sakura again... She just can't bring herself to fully believe him. Sakura wants things to go back to the way they were... But her initial year with the Matou's was hell. Even if she starts talking to Rin and her mother again... It's just not the same. It can never be the same. And besides... she's deeply worried about Uncle Kariya, and wants to spend as much time with him as possible. She has a terrible feeling about his deteriorating health...

A few years pass them by, and Sakura slowly goes back to the sweet, kind girl she used to be. She buries her trauma and heartache, managing to reconcile with her mother better, but Rin... It's still a little difficult. If only because Rin keeps asking if Sakura wants to learn magic, and Rin just... she keeps assuming, and... Sakura doesn't like it. After her horrifying experiences with the Matou magecraft, Sakura has grown to... hate magic. Or at least, Sakura herself wants nothing to do with it. She has no opinion if Rin practices it.

Aside from the brittle connection with Rin, Sakura has also established a sibling bond with Shinji. He's not the nicest brother ever... But his father, at Kariya's insistence, tones down Shinji's worst qualities and punishes him when he steps out of line. Shinji does try getting Sakura to be more assertive and less of a wallflower... But to his frustration, Sakura's not keen to change her ways. Especially with Kariya's rapidly failing health...

And then one night, Kariya passed away in his sleep. No warning. For a little bit, it seemed like he might be recovering... Sakura got her hopes up, and then they were dashed. She was... inconsolable for weeks after Uncle Kariya's passing. After the funeral. She spent a lot of time alone, even with Shinji, Rin, and her mother checking in on her...

Around that time, Kirei also... "checked in" with Sakura. Technically, Rin was the only one he was supposed to take on as a student... Tokiomi made no contingency for Sakura. However, with how free-spirited Rin was, she was never going to be easily manipulated. Kirei had plans to raise Rin up only to crush her later, but Sakura was... vulnerable after Kariya's death. It was all too easy to take her on as a second reluctant student. Kirei relished the opportunity to destroy both of Tokiomi's children after molding them to his liking...

Unfortunately for the sadistic priest, not all goes according to plan. A couple of years after Kariya's death, Sakura met Shiro Emiya. (人◕ω◕) They attend the same school, with Shiro being in the same year as Rin, a year above Sakura. Shiro is... He's a lot like Sakura in that he's not very outgoing. Doesn't like to impose. He's a kind, gentle soul that just tries to help everyone... And Sakura really falls hard for the boy.

It doesn't take long for her "training" with Kirei to get severely behind schedule as she spends more time with Shiro before and after school, discovering that Shiro lives by himself with only Taiga-sensei checking in on him. ... Well, to say that Shiro's alone would be a vast... understatement. (人◕ω◕);;;;;;;;; After the Fourth War, Kiritsugu went to rescue Illya from the Einzbern's. Meeting Kariya in that war inspired Kiritsugu to power through his own injuries and rescue his daughter and bring her back to Japan. So... Sakura also meets Illya, who's a year above Shiro in school... And Illya is very protective of her little brother. (人◕ω◕);;; She's grumpy the first while that Sakura visits, but eventually gets over it when Sakura helps with chores around the house. ... Illya hates manual labor. (人◕ω◕)

More than that, however... Sakura discovers that Shiro technically has an adopted mother, named Maiya. But she's rarely home, as she's working all the time. She says it's to help put food on the table, but... Shiro and Illya know there's more to it, and Maiya's just not explaining herself.

The Middle Act

Over the next several years, Sakura grows close to Shiro (... and Illya, to some extent). They settle into a routine of Sakura coming by before and after school, the routine only broken up sometimes by Kirei who grows... impatient... with his second student. (人◕ω◕)

Before they know it, the Fifth Holy Grail War arrives. ... 50 years early. (人◕ω◕) Sakura receives a set of Command Seals, marking her as a Master... And she just doesn't show interest in participating. Not when Rin is definitely going to be fighting, too. Nevertheless, Kirei tempts her with prospects of the Grail, which has the power to bring Kariya back to her. And it's not like Sakura herself has to fight to kill her enemies... Certainly, there will be participants who will take advantage of her naivete, but it's up to her how she conducts herself in battle.

Sakura's not eager to throw herself into any kind of war... But with how the last one ended, she's worried about Senpai getting impacted and wishes to protect him. ... And if she can revive Uncle Kariya, that would just make her so happy... With Sakura onboard with joining as a participant, Kirei arranges for her to receive a relic to summon a spirit - Medusa, who is summoned as Rider Class.

... Shortly after the war starts in earnest, Sakura's devastated to hear about Senpai getting grievously wounded after stumbling on a battle between two Servants. But when she goes to check up on him the morning after that attack... It's a very awkward breakfast. (人◕ω◕) For one: Senpai apparently managed to summon Saber and become a Master. And Saber picks up on Medusa's concealed presence around the home. (人◕ω◕);;;

For two... Illya is also a Master. And she summoned Berserker, of all Classes...!

Sakura-chan is very anxious during breakfast, you understand. She and Saber both are. (人◕ω◕) Illya's not bothered in the slightest. If Sakura makes a stupid move, Berserker will smash. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕) Shiro plays peacemaker as usual, and it's really only his cooking that manages to keep everybody calm. He explains to Sakura that Rin is also a Master, and her Servant is Archer. Shiro doesn't feel good about blabbing about Rin, but Sakura deserves the head's up, especially since they agree to be allies in this war. Sakura's rather... eager... to agree to any alliance with Senpai. ... Even if Illya would rather deal with her now. There can only be one winner, after all... (人◕ω◕);;;

Unfortunately, Sakura and Illya hanging off of Shiro in the early part of the war makes Rin rather... distant. Unwilling to add to their alliance when that's four of the seven Servants right there. Even three of seven is overkill... It makes Sakura, Shiro, and Illya pretty easy targets. None of the other participants want to drag out that alliance... Caster makes a move first, figuring that taking Shiro hostage and attempting to steal Saber from him would tip the balance of the war in her favor...

Sakura and Illya don't let that stand, however. (人◕ω◕);;; Sakura leaves Medusa to take on Assassin at the gate, while Illya and Berserker race right in to wreck Caster's crap. (人◕ω◕);;; Medea wasn't too happy to see Heracles again, and she proves no match for him. Her Master is similarly dispatched when he tries to avenge Medea's defeat... Medusa manages to defeat Assassin.

... This does leave Rin in a regrettable state of affairs. (人◕ω◕);;; With Caster and Assassin dealt with, it's literally just down to her and whoever Lancer's Master is to deal with the... alliance. Archer is particularly determined to kill Shiro Emiya, and willingly agrees to work with Lancer to keep everyone else off of Shiro...

That... could have gone a lot better. (人◕ω◕);;; Lancer's Master reneged on the deal, leaving Rin and Archer alone to tackle the alliance. Rin had absolutely no chance, going up against Sakura, Illya, Rider, Saber, and Berserker. There was just no way. Sure, Archer tried to corner Shiro, but that proved detrimental to him as Rin grew angry about Archer trying to kill Shiro of all people, and using Command Seals to make him go strictly after the Servants.

Archer does try to sever their contract, but it proves inadvisable when he's up against Berserker, Saber, and Rider. As much as he has faith in his Unlimited Blade Works... Going up against all three at once is just too much. Archer gets a severe thrashing, and has a bitter exchange with Shiro before passing on.

That's when Gilgamesh makes his move and takes down Berserker, whimsically leaving Saber and Rider alone when they prove to be resilient. He kidnaps Illya, counting on her to be the Lesser Grail, and so wishing to cross swords with Saber once more as he elaborates on the Grail's true nature.

It comes down to a fight between Shiro, Sakura, Rin, Rider, and Saber up against Lancer, Kirei, and Gilgamesh. Rin finally comes around and helps Shiro able to get enough magic to access his Reality Marble.... Something that Sakura isn't too eager to let happen, as Rin has to be very intimate with Shiro to share her crest... But it's for the sake of rescuing Illya, so she allows it. (人◕ω◕);;; But she'll be having words later...

Medusa gives Lancer a hearty battle, and he loses. Shiro defeats Kirei, with Sakura and Rin for backup. And Saber defeats Gilgamesh. With the Grail just short of completion, they go after the Greater Grail, using Saber's mightiest attack to destroy it.

... And somehow, after all that, Saber and Medusa receive new mortal bodies. How... fun. (人◕ω◕)

The Future

... So how do you suppose this all ends, anyway? (人◕ω◕) I gave a bare-bones synopsis of the Fifth Grail War, and I apologize for devolving into that... But the bottom line is that Sakura was faithful and loyal to Senpai throughout the whole thing. (人◕ω◕) Despite other interested girls popping up, despite battles getting intense... Sakura-chan fought hard to protect her man. (人◕ω◕) For a while, she almost didn't care about resurrecting Kariya... Like, of course she wanted to bring him back... But if it cost her Shiro to do it, then it's not worth it. Trading one soul for another. Much less when the Grail wasn't working as intended, and Sakura-chan was very angry to hear that the tainted Grail was responsible for how her beloved Senpai became so scarred on the inside...

It was touch and go, keeping everyone alive... But even Artoria and Medusa got to stick around, how delightful is that? (人◕ω◕);;;

Sure, by the war's end she's pretty much patched things up with Rin-neechan, getting over her past hesitation and bitterness. They're a family. And families share. (人◕ω◕);;;;;;;;; Yes, share even boys they like... Sakura isn't so coldhearted as to turn Rin away when she and Shiro have a deep, intimate bond now. But Sakura isn't so keen to give up either. She won't let Illya hog Shiro all to herself, either. Or Artoria. (人◕ω◕);;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

But Rin knows Shiro isn't all okay... Archer was a piece of work, and she doesn't want Shiro turning out like that. Sakura agrees with neechan, and grudgingly allows Rin to take Shiro on as an apprentice and study at the Clocktower for a few years. Sakura doesn't like it, and understands Artoria and Illya's objections... But Senpai needs to clear his head. Figure out what he wants to do. And besides, Sakura doesn't have any affection for magic, no desire to study at the Clocktower herself. She'll patiently wait for Senpai's return... Sure, Rin will be in the doghouse after they get back, hogging Senpai for years...

But. It's. Fine. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕) Before Senpai departs for London, Sakura gives him a very special gift... Her virginity, to be precise. Is it extreme? Sure. But all these other girls around Senpai, Sakura-chan didn't have a choice. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. Everyone else will just hafta deal. (人◕ω◕)

In the meantime, she, Medusa, Artoria, Mitsuzuri, and Illya will watch over the house... and later explain everything to Maiya when she gets back, flabbergasted at the developments. (人◕ω◕);;; They have a looooooot of splaining to do~...

Shiro's in for a rude awakening when he gets back to Japan. Sakura will be at the forefront of the pack, wanting another round and wanting baby Shiro's... But that's a story for another time. You know that Sakura-chan will have proposed to him within days of his return. Cuz Sakura-chan knows what she wants. (人◕ω◕)

The bottom line with this ship is that they're not perfect. Shiro still lost Kiritsugu, and Sakura still lost Kariya. The latter just got a better childhood, and wasn't a pawn of Zouken. ... Not for very long. (人◕ω◕) Shiro still has his hero complex, wanting to protect and keep Sakura happy... And Sakura's about the same as him. She wants to support and care for Senpai, to bask in his warming presence~ This Sakura's just learned to stand on her own somewhat. ... And there might be some stuff to work through with Rin because of Kirei whispering in Sakura's ear for several years... But by the end of the Grail War, Rin showed herself to be reasonable and nothing like Kirei said.

The crux of my enjoyment of this ship... is that I can understand the criticisms that remark how Shiro throws everything else away, just to be with Sakura... I get that the Heaven's Feel route is... heavy. That's why I decided to entertain a Sakura that's a little less broken. She's still got bitterness and uncertainty about the Tohsaka's, and that's understandable. But she learns to move on with her life, and she's allowed to move on~... She's not at Zouken's mercy. That's just my two cents about the Sakura x Shiro ship. It's pretty cute and wholesome overall... Just don't have Shiro abandon everything else for Sakura. That's just me. XD

[garbinge]

And you?

Jax Teller & Steve Murphy (SOA x Narcos AU) For the @narcosfandomdiscord October Prompts. Day 22 - Day of Cross-Fandom-Pollination: Create a fanwork that includes at least one Narcos character and at least one character from another fandom.

Summary: Jax & Steve find themselves at two opposite ends of the law but still share some similarities... one of those being their genetics. This is basically brothers fighting <3 Word Count: 601 Warnings: All my fics are 18+, regardless of content. Angsty. Jax being a smug SOB and Steve thinking he's the shit.

A/N: I don't know where I got this idea from and I don't know any of the actual details of if this is in Charming or in Miami or what but.... I just felt like the moral compass within Jax and the moral compass within Steve deserved to be explored in the same moment. Oh and I made them brothers <3

Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics @narcolini @hausofmamadas @ashlingiswriting

Jax was making himself comfortable on the metal cot, a smug smile on his face. His blonde long hair was oily and disheveled while his white t-shirt was dirty and hanging loosely on him, likely from a long night out, one that resulted in his cell of a bedroom for the night. 

“Should we just set a standing appointment?” Steve said as he walked through the doorway to where all the holding cells were. 

“Yea but I know you have that weekly badge shining commitment with your other police pals so I don’t want to interrupt that.” He was moving his arms behind his head in an attempt to relax. 

“Steve looked down at his uniform, it had been a new addition to his life. One that was in the plans for years but nonetheless was new. 

“Another drunk and disorderly charge, huh?” Steve was leaning against the metal bars. The scene of him with his tan police uniform on, coffee in hand as he spoke to his little brother on the other side of the bars. 

“I think you’re forgetting resisting arrest, Deputy Steve.” The last two words were as sarcastic as they could come from a young Jax. 

“Tell me, is this just to get under my skin or do you get pure enjoyment from being in this police station?” 

Jax was quickly moving to stand up, his feet bringing him closer to the bars so he could be face to face with his older brother. 

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me. Do you get pure enjoyment from being in this police station?” The sentence was spoken at a mocking tone. 

“I’d be careful with how you say things, Jax. I’m not the one behind bars.” Steve’s anger was rising, the wrinkle in his forehead was growing along with the pulsing of the vein there too.

“From where I’m standing, it doesn’t look much different.” Jax’s hand was now peaking over the bars as they lifted in a shrug. “A cell and a cot, a badge and a desk?” 

“We’re completely different.” Steve spoke in a way that was like he was trying to convince himself. 

“In the end Steve, we want the same things, sometimes even have similar ways of getting those things, violence, manipulation…” Jax was so nonchalant in his speaking. “You’re not a good guy, Steve. No matter how much you tell yourself that.” 

“And you?” The words were so quick to fall from his mouth, the anger, the frustration.

Jax smiled at that and just shook his head. “I don’t look in the mirror convincing myself of that. I know what I am, big bro.” 

The tension between the two estranged brothers grew until Steve cleared his throat. 

“Tara posted bail, you’re free to leave.” Steve’s voice was neutral, like they didn’t just have this heated discussion. The cell was opening, Steve stepping aside to let his younger brother walk past him to exit the holding cell and eventually the police station. 

Jax was at the doorway that separated the cells from the rest of the police station. The scum from the heroes, the people beneath the ones above when he stopped. He found the irony in it all, the hypocrisy as well. He looked down at himself and turned to his older brother and spoke words that he knew would hit Steve hard. It was his retaliation for the comment Steve made earlier and a way to combat Steve’s last sentence about being free to leave. The smile on Jax’s face was obsolete now, like he wasn’t going to take joy in the next words out of his mouth

“And you?”

[fundielicious-simblr]

(Lana's pov)

Newlywed life has been glorious! We've spent loads of time together, creating a routine for ourselves and just enjoying being married. Date nights are something we were advised to prioritise by almost everyone who gave us advice, so we've been going out once a week wherever we are or having date nights at home. Sometimes we're at a fancy restaurant, a small cafe, or we have a small picnic in the park - as long as we're together.

Since moving to Newcrest I've been loving being near Parker's brother and sister-in-law, they have the most kids out of all of Allan and Casandra's kids and she gave birth to their 11th child, Jackson, a few days after our wedding! I've loved getting to know the kids over the past few months and I'm happy that I can spend more time with them now that we live close by. I've also enjoyed spending time getting to know my fellow Kyleigh, at the reception Kyleigh, Stacie, Lorilee and I took a group selfie that we labelled the Mrs.Collins club. It's been great to hear her testimony and stories from her childhood and her walk with the Lord, she grew up an only child so it was so interesting hearing her experiences since I can't relate.

Little Jackson is such a cutie, he's still learning how to exist as a little human and is finding out new things about himself almost everyday. The great thing about being over at Kyleigh and Barrett's house is because there are so many children there's always someone to talk to, they have 3 toddlers in the house who love snuggles too, which I'm always down for. Some days when I have a few hours to spare, I'll ask Kyleigh what their plans are for the day and if there's any way that I can help. Sometimes I come over and read to the toddlers while Kyleigh focuses on school with the older kids, other days I come over just to keep the toddlers occupied because it's something I enjoy.

I don't just stick to the toddlers and infants, I've recently taken advantage of the hot summer weather and taken the older kids out for various activities. It's been great getting to know them and learn about their individual personalities and their interpersonal relationships. I had 3 of the girls in my bridal party and they're still talking about how much fun they had! None of the kids know how to roller skate, so our afternoon at the rink was a bit of a steep learning curve for them - but they did say they had fun regardless. We also had a water balloon fight in the park that's next to the skating rink, which is definitely fun when you have a big group of kids with you. As we were on the way home, all the kids could talk about was doing it again, which we're definitely going to have to do whilst they're still on summer holiday. Their family usually travels to an annual camp with Parker's parents and other relatives during the summer, but with the timing of Jackson's arrival they chose to sit this year out. Hopefully the adventures with the kids continue and we can add more kids to the mix as they grow older.

[nutmeg-cycling]

I love (hate) bicycle helmet discourse whenever it comes up, especially when it's largely from people in the US. I say this as someone who bikes in the US and, yes, wears a helmet.

Like to be clear, regardless of whether you individually should wear a helmet (I'd broadly encourage it but you do you): the cycling fatality rate (normalized by km traveled) in the US is about 5x higher than in the Netherlands. The injury rate is about 20x higher [1]. Not a typo. This is an older analysis, but more recent articles [2] indicate it hasn't changed much. (if you're in the UK you don't get out of this either; better than the US but still about 3x higher than NL for both categories)

So, mayyyybe rather than arguing with Dutch people about why they should wear helmets you might ask them what their country has done to make it 1/5th as likely you die on a bike and 1/20th as likely to get injured as over here.

This is without getting into the way that articles about cycling fatalities routinely use whether the cyclist was wearing a helmet as a way to exonerate the driver even when a helmet would not have saved them. Or the way that helmet laws are inherently going to impact disadvantaged groups (e.g. unhoused people, who are more likely to rely on a bike as a mode of transport) more [3]. And are generally unevenly enforced on top of that. Though, you know, keep all of that in mind.

To finish on a more positive note: we do know what the Netherlands does to be that good! It takes consistent improvement to get there, but also there's a ton of low hanging fruit that can be implemented relatively quickly. The Not Just Bikes youtube channel [4] and There Are No Accidents by Jessie Singer are excellent places to get started. And if someone tells you it's just not possible in the US they are lying; 50 years ago the roads in the Netherlands and USA were very similar. There's a lot of catch up to do but that's also well within the life expectancy of pretty much everyone reading this.

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Believing & Relying On God

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

=========================

+ Job 42:2: “I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you.

=========================

VERSE OF THE DAY

========================

+ 2 Thessalonians 3:2 and that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men. For not all have faith

‭‭=========================

** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM RELYING ON GOD

I AM BELIEVING ON GOD

I AM MIGHTY THROUGH GOD

I AM FILLED WITH PEACE

********************************

THOUGHTS:

=======================

     It's hard for people to believe in anything, especially the word of God. People will believe the meteorologist, a book, biography, documentaries, old wise tales, folklore stories, campfire stories, or things they see on Instagram and Tick-Tock. Still, when they read the word of God, they come to a complete stop. They won't even try to open their heart to believe, and that's when they lose faith; it's easy for us as believers to say I believe everything in the bible, and this is what I stand on, and even some believers dont believe everything in the bible. 

    The world has come to a place where everyone says they are a Christian. Still, some are just wearing the titles and others well they trust in Christ they full heartily believe in him ; but some say ; he didn't heal me when I wanted him to, he didn't save me when I wanted him to, or Why didn't he stop this situation when I asked him to and this is the thing , most of the time SOME of us , put ourselves in these predicaments. Still, the first person we want to blame is God, and he can change any situation, but in some situations, he won't because he's trying to show us where we went wrong. If we did wrong, and sometimes he’s trying to draw us closer to Him.

 Verse 3: But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.

   God is faithful even if we don't believe in or doubt him. He still is faithful, and he will guard us against the evil one when we do what we should and we aren't playing into the enemy's traps or hands. He will keep the evil one on a leash, but when we start to dabble, or maybe it's our season, he will allow the evil one to do what he wants. To a certain extent, look at Job. 

    Job was a wise, righteous, blameless man, and satan went to God and said what about your servant Job, and God said sure, go ahead God knew Job was going to be faithful he knew that Job was going to have a hard time, but it made him better, God see what we are going through, but he know what we are going through will make us better and stronger if we never go through anything how our faith and trust in God will grow it won’t, the moment God gives us exactly what we won’t some of us go on about our day, but God wants people that are going to seriously stay and trust in him regardless if he gave them what they wanted, even when it's confusing can you do that can you believe in Jesus even when it's hard? 

    Job 2:4  “Skin for skin!” Satan replied. “A man will give all he has for his own life. 5 But now stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face.

   Verse  5  May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.

      We all need the lord to direct us, even as Christians or believers; when we read the word of God, we need him to direct our path. A lot of times, our path isn't directed because we won't yield to the Holy Spirit, and we talked about this yesterday. We talked about how we must yield to the Holy Spirit.

    Psalm 119:30 I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I have set my heart on your laws.

      We will never change, and our faith will never grow until we let go and allow the Holy Spirit to dwell on the inside, guiding and showing us the way; we must be shown the way because as long as we are doing it, we are lead by the flesh and not by the Holy Spirit. After all, before any of us gave our lives to Christ, our selfish fleshly desires were leading us all. Still, now that we have Christ, we must have FAITH and believe and BE DIRECT, and allow him to show us a better way , and just because we are older and just because we have a title doesn't make us wiser; we are only wise when we let go and allow the Holy Spirit to build us up in the faith.

    ***Today, we talked about believing in God and truly allowing the Holy Spirit to order our steps; all the time, we must trust the process and believe that whatever is happening, whatever is in God's word, will stand. God's word doesn’t need anyone; it stands alone. We must understand the season we are in is to help us grow, and we must trust and believe that what’s happening now is temporary. It doesn’t last forever. The word of God says that, too, and it might hurt now. It might seem like every time you look, something is happening, and why should you trust God? Believe that just like Daniel, Peter, David, and Paul trusted, we do the same. He’s the same God today and forever. He doesn’t change. We do; let’s not change, let’s believe.   ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

========================

PRAYER

========================

Heavenly Father, thank you so much for life, health, and strength. Lord, we love you so much. Please help us to believe in your word honestly and believe in you. Lord, sometimes life sends us in a different direction, and instead of us going in your way, will we keep going. Father, forgive us if we have wandered off the path if we done anything wrong. Forgive us; help us to stick with you; help us to seek you. Stay faithful; we thank you for being dependable, unchanging, loving, and kind. Please help us be those things in our relationship with you. In Jesus' Name Amen 

========================

REFERENCES

========================

+ 2 Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.

+ James 2:26 As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

+ Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

========================

FURTHER READINGS

=========================

Proverbs 26

Acts 23

Zechariah 5

Exodus 12

=========================

[sexyleon]

what are your rookie Leon headcanons, post re4 Leon headcanons and any fav recent brainrot headcanons? 😌❤️

AHHHHH!!

I'll be honest I haven't really solidified my thoughts on rookie Leon because I'm still trying to figure out his motivation for becoming a cop! I see Leon as more of a theatre kid in high school, so the jump from the arts to law enforcement seems like a big one. Part of me wants to say he saw some injustice happening while he was young and felt helpless to stop it, maybe even trying to rely on the law enforcement available to him with no success, and vowing to grow up and do better. Part of me also headcanons that Leon had a rough time growing up in the 80s-90s Midwest as an androgynous queer kid (though he would never label himself as such), and had to learn really fast how to defend himself and fight back. Law enforcement seems like a hyper-masculine career, and maybe he was influenced by others to join up!

Regardless, we all know Mr. Leon Scott Kennedy was top of his class and excelled in all his coursework. I don't know that he made many friends while in training, again because he's that one pretty boy everyone hates because he's 1) pretty in a hyper-masculine environment and 2) incredibly good at what he does, but I do think senior officers liked and appreciated him! After graduation, he was super excited to get the job offer at Raccoon City! It was finally going to be his chance to really help people and prove everyone wrong... He still thinks about how naive he was.

ldsjflsdjlfkdjs AS FOR POST RESIDENT EVIL 4. I HAVE A WHOLE WIP SITTING IN MY DRAFTS ABOUT THE IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH. tbh it's rEALLY LONG, so I'll just make a separate post about that!

Thank you for the ask <3 @nerime

[pheoblitz]

Just some more Léir art and fun facts for you all!

You may notice that compared to the image of him as a kid, his hair is black here not white*. That is because he dyes it black. He doesn't like to stand out and he felt his white hair stood out, so he dyed it. More recently his partner would be working with him on making him more comfortable with having his hair however the hell he wants it rather than letting others dictate it. He does genuinely like dying his hair black no matter what others think because he likes how it looks personally. So he mostly still dyes it. Though on occasion he lets some of it grow out and stay white.

* Do note he is a fantasy character, so when I say his hair is white I mean it in the same way random characters have bright pink hair in naturally in shows sometimes.

Some more fun facts:

- Léir is Bi² but is scared of women when it comes to the concept of dating. So he never dated any. Regardless though, he still likes them.

- The feathers around his ears are supposed to be his. He embraces his shifterness and likes to proudly sport the fact even if he has to do so in secret.

- He has 3 magic items on him at all times. His glasses, his pocket watch, or his sword. Sometimes he swaps out the pen or the watch for a crystal flower.

- The sword is disguised as a pen that can write in the air, use itself to write, act as a wand, or in its sword form, kill most types of immortals. It was enchanted to be a weapon used to fight and punish immortals. Due to this and the fear of the horrible things he has made, he keeps it on himself. He doesn't want someone to get it and then go around killing people at random. That being said, even when he first made it 1000s of years ago, it was seldom used.

- His pocket watch has basic time control abilities. When he first made it, it was a sundial. It can change shape and form depending on the times and who holds it. For example, with Johnson, it is a regular wristwatch. The watch can also steal and break down someone's magic. It too was made as a weapon back when he was younger to punish those who broke the law where he lived many many many years ago. It was supposed to serve as an ultimate punishment that isnt death by stripping someone in a magic society of their magic. He also deeply regrets this, so he keeps it with him permanently in an attempt to keep it from ever being used. Though it was only ever used once before. Note it was also made for life 1000s of years ago. He wishes to destroy it but has yet to succeed in doing so, past him was very thorough in protecting it.

- His glasses translate things for him. It changes text he sees into his native tongue as well as tells him what someone said in that same language. He doesn't need them too, but he prefers his language over English, so it helps him be less stressed out when it comes to understanding things. But again, he would do just fine without them besides being lightly stressed.

- The flower is just a really strong blast of combined types of magic that hold the souls of very destructive people. He keeps it on him on occasion, mostly because he feels it is safer if he breaks it apart and gives pieces to people he trusts to make sure it never sees the light of day unless necessary. So each time he has it, it gets smaller and weaker. Eventually, he will only have 1 chunk left and plans to embed it into the watch to stop both it and the watch from functioning.

[thisdreamplace]

Hi dream :) It’s 😵‍💫 anon.

The last few days have been tough, but somehow I feel better. Things feel ok, but there are some big changes I need to happen. I’m honestly a little scared because I’m not sure it’s even possible, but I don’t want to give up on it.

I have also discovered the roots to all of my problems. Like why I get triggered, why I speak or react a certain way, and even my coping. I know my previous anon messages seemed like I was on the right track….but I don’t think I was. I was doing what I used to do with the law, force feed positive thinking. Eventually I spiraled a day or 2 ago. But don’t get me wrong, I still learned from that as well. I depend on other people so much when it comes to the law that I don’t know how to function without checking blogs or just living. I say I have this mindset to keep going regardless but I don’t think I’m going forward as I truly should :( I’m moving, but I still feel so low. I move as if I am already defeated, but I have hope that maybe I can live this life I’ve dreamed of. That’s why I eventually fall every-time. I’ve just been so honest with myself.

One of the craziest things is, I see the negativity I hold inside reflected in my outside world. I’m not confident in my driving skills, and so people are scared to drive with me (this initially pissed me off so bad but then I thought, are they wrong tho? Look at what you think about your skills as well.). I get so snappy and down when certain people come around because I expect them to do something I don’t like (I have a negative perception for some people), and so other people have a negative perception of me. And you know what’s funny? There’s a person in my life who doesn’t believe in me, but they still force positive reinforcement when they don’t mean it….. but thats exactly what I do to myself. I don’t believe in anything good for me, but I still try to force positive words when I don’t mean it. I see me in everything that I don’t like. I was frustrated with it all but I started thinking “this is showing you what you should stop doing”. It’s helping me step out of this negative box I’ve built.

When it comes to Manifesting my dream reality, I’m not sure how I feel about it now. Well, I do know, but I just hate to admit it. For some reason, it’s so hard for me to step into this mindset that I am open for positive things. I’m not sure where to go from here, sadly. It feels like I’ll never be able to manifest. I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe in myself and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I don’t think I can manifest and I guess that’s what holds me back. That’s the only thing I haven’t been able to get to the root of, why can’t I manifest my dream reality? Idk. It’s frustrating. So I’m still moving forward regardless, but it doesn’t feel good at all.

I wish I could’ve given you a positive update today, dream. I’m learning & growing, but extremely stuck at the same time. Although this is not a happy message, it still feels like a little bit of good came out of this time. I truly get what you mean when you said you can’t fool yourself. It’s about within. We cannot run away from the problem that keeps coming back.

I’m just at this point of feeling down, but also letting everything be. Idek lol.

hello again wonderful anon <3

tbh i understand you entirely, and it's a thing i have to tell myself a lot as well. but the truth is... this is where you just keep moving forward in trust. i get it, you feel you could be doing things differently or maybe you're not doing something right but. this is the patience and grace we must afford ourselves in all of this... i think a thing not talked about is how happiness doesnt come overnight. because this community is obsessed with instant results, so we don't acknowledge the fact that the difficult times may not just end in a couple days all because we found our way. these things linger, way more than even i'd like to admit. i think that though,.. the most important thing in all of that is moving forward anyway. sure you feel like something is off, but why not begin practicing some trust in yourself then, along this path ? you'll lead yourself where u need to be. but thats smth you have to allow. let go of the need to over analyze yourself.

i'm glad u noticed that reflection of yourself in your world, and thus are able to being letting go of those things that aren't helpful for you.

when it comes to the manifesting and everything, tbh, i say put it on the back burner. this is the easiest way to move forward, at least for me it has been. when i stop relating everything to manifesting, and just seriously live life in the best way i can, everything falls into place. this is because manifesting isnt actually something to figure out or effort at. it's just a natural effect of being alive. so let it be natural and forget about it. focus on these things instead, that have to do with you. for example, see if it feels easier to believe in yourself when youre not relating it to manifesting anymore, but just simply living your daily life doing the little things you need to do for you. suddenly, you may see its actually not that hard to slowly allow in more real positivity for yourself, when its not based on manifesting anything but just based on you.

this will be a cycle you have to break, slowly but surely. when you put all of your faith into the law or manifesting or whatever, it's hard because you saw it as your savior. slowly, transition to seeing how only you can save yourself and you can start right now, waiting on nothing. working with life as its presenting itself and not as you wish it was, making you feel against it.

its a process, dear 😵‍💫 anon. and the truth is you never need apologize for a more difficult ask... its part of the process and its a process i know well. i wouldnt expect you to be perfect and bursting with happiness overnight. or even in a week. instead, all i hope is that you continue to wake up and give yourself a true chance. thats what really counts, little by little. ❣️

[queer-and-nd-coded]

dream a little dream of me/oh, darling, i dream of you every night - fictober 2023

Day 3 - #10 "It's alright, I'm here now" Good Omens fanfiction - Crowley/Aziraphale + Crowley & Muriel Teen and Up Audiences Mentions of nightmares Read at ao3

Summary: Ever since Aziraphale left, Crowley has nightmares every time he tries to sleep. They only stop when Aziraphale comes back.

It is a clear assumption that sleeping comes with dreaming. Such a fundamental law of nature applied to all beings, even demons such as Crowley. He didn’t know what they served for, though, the damned things. Design of the subconscious mind was not his department at the time, not even close. And trying to figure out their purpose or meaning on his own was much like trying to put together a black and white puzzle. Completely useless. So, in the end, he just gave up and tried to accept that every now and then, he’d dream.

The dreams weren’t the biggest issue, though. Sure, sometimes they got annoying and completely unreal, but that’s just how dreams were, according to conversations he had overheard.

No, the real problem was the nightmares.

As a demon who occasionally went to Hell, Crowley had seen some pretty ugly things. As a demon who had been living on Earth for the last six thousand years, he’d seen worse. Oh, so much worse.

And it didn’t matter how much he tried to repress those memories through drinking, they’d always resurface during his sleep, eventually. But still, it was manageable. Even his worse nightmares would wear off after some time. And, if he stayed awake long enough, he’d barely remember them. Another characteristic of the subconscious mind that he had no participation in, but was grateful for, regardless.

However, that whole situation took a turn when Aziraphale left.

Suddenly, his annoying and mildly disturbing nightmares became unbearable. Putting his head down no longer meant the break from life he used to get, now it only meant more torment and regret. Why it took him so long to figure out his feelings? Would things have ended up differently if he had talked first? Why, after everything Heaven had done, Aziraphale walked back willingly and didn’t even consider running away? Again?

Suddenly, a soft hand on his back pulls him away from his thoughts.

“Shhh,” he hears a soothing voice above him.

“Aziraphale?” he tries, groggy but hopeful.

“Yes, dear, I am here,” he said softly, “You were talking in your sleep again… another nightmare, I suppose?”

Crowley finally opens his eyes. The room is too dark for him to make sense of anything, but he is sure that it’s Aziraphale in bed with him. Aziraphale’s voice, Aziraphale’s smell, and Aziraphale’s hand on his back, rubbing it gently so, in a way only he could do. He also knows that it’s their bed. In their hou- no, cottage. Their cottage somewhere at South Downs. Yes, he knows all this. And knowing all that, he starts calming down. A deep breath leaves his mouth. He’s so in peace that, for a moment, he thinks he could starting crying of relief.

“It’s alright,” Aziraphale says, somehow softer now, “I am here now.”

Crowley smiles, a warmth growing on his chest. Then he opens his mouth to answer, but before he can say anything, a loud noise brings him back to reality.

“Sorry!” he hears someone say.

It’s Muriel, standing at the door, embarrassed that they couldn’t hold it before the wind slammed it shut. They are holding something but that’s the least of Crowley’s worries now.

He looks around, completely disoriented. He’s at the bookshop. Again. Back to where it all went down. Except he’s got no memory of getting there. He looks around, trying to find clues, but any booze that he brought with himself days ago has already been cleaned up by Muriel. They also provided the tartan blanket that kept him warm for the whole time he slept on Aziraphale’s chair.

It’s too much. The chair, the blanket, the books, the busy street outside… it’s all there. Except for Aziraphale, who now only existed in Crowley’s dreams. Either to remind him of everything he’d done wrong or to give him some sort of comfort, that was immediately ripped way the moment he woke up. He wondered if being at the bookshop had anything to do with it, given that every time he had slept at his flat so far, he had nothing but nightmares. To the point that he even gave up on sleeping, of all things.

Oh. That’s right. He was starting to remember it now. When he no longer could sleep, he started drinking again. Bottle after bottle after bottle… he must have let his feet wander and eventually ended up at the bookshop. That made sense.

He was about to ask Muriel if his theory was correct, right when they walked up to him, handing him something.

Coffee, apparently.

“What’s that?” he asked anyway, lamely.

“Oh! Well… Nina from across the street sent it. She said it’s not your… usual but it will be good for you.”

Crowley took it with no further questions, which seemed to please the angel . He notice d that they didn’t have anything for themself. He didn’t dwell on it, though. It wasn’t his job to tempt angels into enjoying human food. Not anymore.

Muriel went to rearrange some books, but before they were out of earshot range, Crowley said something.

“Thanks.”

They turned around to face him. And with all the inflection of a mediocre actor on a play for very young and dumb children, they bowed slightly and said, “ Noo problem!”

Crowley narrowed his eyes and drank from his cup, trying not to find that endearing. Because it wasn’t. It was pathetic. But they’d get the hang of it, eventually.

[casspurrjoybell-30]

Bonding with the Enemy - Chapter 3

*Warning Adult Content*

Town Hall

Darren remembered growing up thinking that being mate bonded was some sort of arranged marriage. The way everyone had described it to him as a kid, the moment you knew who it was, you essentially were destined to be together the rest of your lives.

There were even old tales claiming that it was the Moon Goddess who was picking out your perfect mate for you and whatever the goddess said, goes. Fortunately Darren had the common sense to do his own research instead of listen to what a bunch of old farts said.

What he found was a more logical explanation.

According to this research, mate bonding is nothing more than your instincts telling you that your 'destined partner' had perfectly matching genes to yours and that you two would make great kids some day, which is why you had to be within the range of each others pheromones before the bonding even happened.

He much preferred this explanation over some supernatural mother-in-law telling people who to marry. Regardless of whether it was the Moon Goddess or genes, Darren's ultimate conclusion was that the bond was more of a suggestion, not an order like many packs treated it.

It was extremely rare but you could potentially meet another perfect match one day. The problem was that werewolves preferred to stick with the first option because to them, the bond was sacred and not to be questioned. 

Plus being mate-less was considered an absolute horrid fate. Before Sophie had a chance to grab him, Darren turned tail and booked it back down the hall.

He was sure Jasper felt the bond as well but he wouldn't know who it was without seeing him first. Annoying as it was, Darren's instincts were screaming at him to run away just as much as they were screaming for him to turn around and face the music.

"Wait," his aunt called behind him but he was outside and on his way to the parking lot already.

Pausing to take a breath, he eventually let her catch up.

"What the hell was that?"

He glowered up at her.

"Jasper was there," he explained.

"Oh..." was all she said as understanding dawned on her.

"Okay, look, I know you two have a terrible track record but we're not here for Jasper, we're here to help find the missing kids. We just need to focus on getting Alpha Liam's attention first. If we have to work with Jasper to make that happen though, then I can do the talking... But just so you know, Jasper's changed quite a lot since you left."

Darren quirked an eyebrow, disbelieving.

"I doubt that."

"Darren, please. This is serious. We need to talk to the Alpha right away and I don't think the receptionist is going to let me barrel my way to his office a second time."

He ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the car to think. He couldn't go back in there.

He had no idea how Jasper would react once he found out they were bonded but knowing the pack's mentality, everyone would insist they hold the bond just as sacred as their ancestors did. It didn't matter that they were both males or that they hated each other.

He knew exactly what everyone would say. That the bond would change their hearts or some sort of Disney Fairy-tale bull crap.

Darren didn't believe any of that. He would not be forced to work for any Alpha, he would not be forced to join the pack and he absolutely refused to be bonded with Jasper.

He had to do something to hide it.

"What?"

"We need to go back to the house. I left it there," he explained.

"Can't we get it afterwards?"

Darren shook his head.

"No. I need it now. It... helps with my powers," he lied.

His aunt stared at him for another moment before sighing and getting in. They drove back to the house and he flew inside to his backpack that was still sitting near the front door.

Digging through his clothes, he found it. Clasping the band around his neck, he felt instant relief wash over him as that burning urge subsided.

What he wore was essentially a dog collar made of thin black leather with some other unknown material woven in. It had no engravings, no chain links, no hoops.

Just the metal clasp on the back. It was called a Rogues Collar and he had gotten it from his uncle Don before returning to the pack.

According to his uncle, the collar was used by rogues to help protect them against Alpha Commands. It also helped hide their presence from other werewolves.

Since it was something his uncle had given to him at the last second, he had forgotten about it until now. Mostly because it looked like something a BDSM Slave would wear and thus stuffed it in his bag as soon as his uncle was out of view.

With this, he could face Jasper and the guy would be completely unaware of who he was bonded with... hopefully.

"That's it?" Sophie asked as she entered the house.

She didn't seem phased at all, despite the collar's supposed effect on him. Perhaps it only hid certain parts of his presence? Darren turned.

"It's better if you don't ask."

The woman raised her eyebrows but didn't say a word as they returned to the car and drove back to the Town Hall where there was an obvious change in everyone's demeanor.

Walking in, the people they passed were whispering among themselves.

"I heard he circled the building three times before the Alpha retrieved him."

"I wonder what it was about?"

Darren was curious what happened after they left. Jasper didn't so much as look at Darren in the split second that he was standing in view when the bond happened but did he actually come running after him when he left? The girl behind the reception counter glared at Sophie.

"Gonna wait in line this time?" she all but growled in annoyance.

Sophie put on her most apologetic smile.

"Sorry about that. I was in a hurry."

The hall that they had barreled their way into last time was now blocked by a rather large looking Beta with a permanent scowl etched onto his face, which was probably why Sophie actually bothered to speak to the receptionist this time.

"Well I'm sorry but you're going to have to schedule a meeting like EVERYONE ELSE."

The receptionist slapped down a piece of paper. Sophie gave a quick grin and made sure to maintain eye contact as she snatched it up.

"Will do."

Then she turned and handed it to Darren.

"Fill this out," she ordered.

"Why me?"

"Because I drove."

Darren rolled his eyes and sat down in one of the waiting chairs as he filled out all the information. His aunt took out her phone and started talking with someone as he did so.

There was quite a bit of information to fill out and just when he was about done he noticed a shadow loom over him. Glancing up, he all but snorted at the sight of Jasper staring him down curiously.

"I haven't seen you around here before," the man spoke in a husky voice, deeper than Darren remembered.

It reverberated in his head, nearly striking a chord but not quite hitting. The collar seemed to be working.

It took a moment for him to calm down and realize his old bully didn't recognize him. He probably approached Darren thinking he was from another pack, which annoyed him to no ends.

How the hell do you make someone's life a living nightmare, then go and forget what they looked like?

Gritting his teeth, he glared up at him. Jasper looked surprised at the open hostility the smaller man was showing.

"Fuck off Jasper," he snarled angrily.

"I'm here to see the REAL Alpha."

It was a pathetic display of rebellion but Darren felt he was entitled to at least one outburst after all the years of bullying he had endured. Jasper didn't quite take a step back but he was clearly blown away by his audacity.

He then squinted his eyes as though to get a clearer look at the man in front of him.

"Do... I know you?"

Having his words brushed aside like that stung Darren's ego but he didn't have anything more to say. Darren huffed through his nose, then pointedly turned in his seat so his back was facing the man as he finished filling out the paperwork.

Then he felt a slap on the back of his head.

"OUCH. YOU MOTHER FUCKER..."

He swallowed his words when he realized it was his aunt who smacked him, not Jasper.

"Sophie?"

Sophie had a look on her face that said 'Stop blowing our chance' but what she said out loud was...

"I see you've bumped into Mr. Trotter."

That damn grin returned to Jasper's face as soon as he veered his attention to his aunt and he shook her hand enthusiastically.

"Sophie. I was told you came in quite a hurry earlier."

"Yes, Darren and I really need to speak to Alpha Liam today," she explained, vaguely gesturing where Darren was sitting.

"Darren?" Jasper paused once he recognized the name.

"Darren Nelson?"

Instead of replying, Darren shot up from his chair and stomped towards the receptionist where he slammed down the paperwork and began trudging out the front door. He wasn't sure if he could do this after all.

Right now, he wanted to yell nothing but obscenities at the man, which would definitely ruin their chances of being included in the investigation.

Then as he passed, Sophie grabbed his sleeve and gave him a pleading look that rooted him to the spot. Once she was sure he wouldn't try to leave again, she returned her focus to schmoozing Jasper.

"That's right. You two went to school together," Sophie chirped with fake enthusiasm.

"Anyways, is there any chance we could talk with Alpha Liam?"

"Why do you want to see Alpha Liam? You can talk to me if it's urgent," the man offered with a cool grin.

"Nothing will ever be urgent enough to make us want to talk to you," Darren muttered under his breath, then squawked in pain as Sophie jammed her heel into his foot, causing him to yelp silently as he all but doubled over.

"He means we would love to speak in private," Sophie began, then lowered her voice as she continued...

"It's about the missing children."

A few heads in the waiting room perked up and Jasper's eyes immediately widened. Glancing around, he covered his mouth nervously and leaned in.

"Let's talk in the other room."

He indicated towards the hall that they had trudged passed earlier and she nodded excitedly, then grabbed Darren by the shirt collar and dragged him behind her.

Darren's arms flew out as he fought to maintain his balance. Once they were fully in the room, Jasper closed the doors and turned his full attention on them.

"Did you see something?" Jasper asked gravely.

Sophie turned towards Darren, suddenly losing her spark in front of a pack superior. After a moment she swallowed her nerves and pushed on.

"No. I wanted to talk about helping with the investigation," she replied. "Darren here can help. I called him over specifically so he could."

The man sighed dejectedly and pinched the bridge of his nose. Apparently that wasn't what he was hoping she'd say.

"Ms. Dodson," he switched to a more formal tone.

"You're part of that volunteer group that has been searching the woods, right?"

Sophie seemed caught off guard by the question.

"Yes, that's correct."

"Look, Ms. Dodson, I know you're trying to help but right now it's been decided that it would be best to keep as few people in on this investigation as possible," he explained with an apologetic look on his face.

Sophie didn't like where this was going and puffed out her chest indignantly.

"How is that going to help? It's been half a year and not a single child has been found! If anything, we need to include MORE people."

"Please calm down," Jasper held his hands up.

"We just think that the less information that circulates, the better. For all we know, the person responsible is also following this case closely and might be using it to their advantage."

"That's absurd," she burst out, then realized what she had done and quickly stood down.

"I'm sorry."

"I understand your frustration but that's what the police have decided, as well as Alpha Liam and myself," Jasper explained.

Darren was ready to snap. For some reason he was extra wound up and needed to vent his frustration. It was irritating that the man hadn't given Sophie a chance to explain why she brought an outsider in to help.

Sure he didn't want to reveal his powers but considering what was on the line here, it was absurd that he wouldn't even ask why she though Darren could help of all people.

It was like he was automatically dismissing him as useless. Just as he opened his mouth to argue, the door burst open and in walked Alpha Liam himself.

A sudden pressure filled the room. Even with the collar, he could sense Liam's Alpha presence, which meant his aunt was probably sensing it tenfold.

The man had short grey hair slicked back on his head. He had a square jaw with salt and pepper stubble and sharp, dark eyes that appeared to stare into your very soul.

He was dressed in a dark grey suit that gave him a look of authority as he walked with purpose beside Jasper.

"Ms. Dodson, I believe my second in command has already made it clear that we no longer wish for further meddling with this case."

His voice practically boomed, causing the woman to cower. Darren didn't like seeing her like this.

"Furthermore, you yourself have no children involved in this case, so your over eager participation is all the more unnecessary."

Liam then glanced towards Darren, his eyes flitted to the collar around his neck and darkening in recognition.

"To top it off, you dare bring a rogue into the pack?"

"He's not...." Sophie began, then went quiet as she lost her voice.

Liam tilted his head as he focused on her.

"How is he not? He abandoned the pack, which makes him an outsider and a risk to the investigation. If you wish to help, then I suggest you stay home and let us handle it."

Sick of listening to this Alpha nonsense, Darren decided to speak up.

"Wait a minute..."

"This does not concern you," the Alpha snapped instantly, cutting Darren off and forcing even more supernatural pressure on him.

The power of the collar trembled as it did it's best to keep the Alpha's presence at bay. Darren's knees buckled in response and he fell silent.

Then, the two Alphas left the room without another word, though Jasper did cast one last glance at them before slipping out of view. As soon as the force was lifted, Sophie regained her posture and stormed out.

Surprised by her abrupt recovery, Darren all but ran behind her.

"Where are you going?" he called.

She just huffed angrily passed the reception desk.

"If they don't want us to help them, then we'll do this ourselves."

[psychcdelica]

@dcviated ask: 24. What about your muse are you most proud of? [ for Boss, Leone, and Chisa! ] Another Munday meme?!

You know, it didn't take me long to fall in love with Boss - I think it took the character trailer for Ai: The Somnium Files? I love her willingness to walk on the darker side of the law to do what needs to be done - but what I'm most proud of, is her biggest bit of character development, and that comes with finding her own family. Sure, in the game it's purely selfish reasons and she grows into a mother figure from it - but it still made me happy to see that from Boss.

I am lowkey glad to uh, uproot it a bit - whilst I have certain feelings towards her daughter, I wanted to keep the fact she's adopted a girl into her life.

Leone in general is a great character, and I refuse to hear any nay-sayers, let her be a big sister to all the protags I say! I've always been proud of her positive attitude, regardless of all the bad things she's had to go through - even as she fights against her biggest foe, even as she takes her last breath. Her priority had been to spend time with the people she had grown up with and fought to protect.

I loved Danganronpa 3, solely because of Chisa - her friendly disposition, and lowkey her love for Kyousuke, (what can I say? I'm a sucker for romance.) Anyway, I've been pretty vocal about my proudest moment with Chisa, the moment she decided to save her students over helping the man she was in love with. "I'm sorry Kyousuke, I might not be able to make it back." Oh, my heart. But yeah, singularly the greatest moment of Chisa Yukizome.

[mackeydoodledoo]

Job Struggles

Pairing: Kim Burgess x (Firefighter Wife!)Reader

Original Request: If possible could you do a Kim Burgess x Firefighter Wife Reader where reader works at firehouse 51 on Squad 3 with Kelly and the others and while they are on the way back to the station after responding to a call Reader gets a call from Kevin saying that Kim was shot reader start to lose their mind with fear and anger in the truck and when they get to med and reader sees Kim the way they are reader has a complete emotional break down (this takes place in 8×16

Summary: Being in Chicago's biggest law enforcement branches is a grueling job. For both you and Kim Burgess. However, has given you Perks as you were super close with Intelligence. However, after working a call, you get a call form Kevin Atwater.... En Route back to 51...

Warnings: Near-Death (Kim), Panic Attack/Mental Breakdown

Key: Italics = Thoughts, +*+ = Time Skip, Bold/Indent = Walkie Comm

Theme: The Scientist - Coldplay

A/n: None

---------------------------------------------------------

“I think Sarge will move on the crime ring to apprehend Roy Walton,” Kim says, putting on a long sleeve shirt

“Must be nice getting all that action,” You sigh, clipping your belt on

“Oh I’m sure you’ll be saving lives,” Kim says, turning to you as you finish putting on your work shirt, “Getting to run into fire... Save people... Risk your life...”

“Kim,” You start, wrapping your arms around her hips, “The PD do the exact same thing, but you kill people if that was your last option... We try to prevent lives from being taken and take down fires.”

“Don’t you also take care of hazardous waste?” Kim asks, “You are apart of Squad 3 after all.”

That part was true. You were apart of Firehouse 51′s Rescue Squad 3. It wasn’t very common for females to be apart of the rescue squad. However, you wanted to make it so that you were the first female to become apart of Squad 3. Now here you were...

“It's not that big of a deal,” You sigh, “I’m not Lieutenant Severide, or the driver/engineer... Just someone who's on the Squad.”

Kim scoffs at your modesty.

“It may not be the most glamorous job ever to exist, but, you do all the heavy-lifting,” Kim says

“Actually that’s everyone in the department, regardless of what your position is,” You clarify, “I’m just the one who does it a little bit more...”

Kim presses her palms against your toned biceps, giving them a firm squeeze.

“Hmm... That’s still hot though,” Kim flirts, “Hotter than Ruzek.”

Your snort bursts into a laugh; you knew of Kim’s history with him. Although you initially resented each other due to both of your feelings towards Kim, you won in the end. However, the both of you began growing a friendship after awhile. He helps you keep tabs on Kim while at work or her and Makayla when you’re doing a double shift at 51.

“Do you think you’ll be home tonight?” You ask

“Don’t know,” Kim sighs, “Intelligence has been at this for the last couple of days. Sarge has been working us hard...”

“Hmmm,” You sigh, tilting your head downward to her ear, “When you bring that cute ass back home I’ll work you hard...”

You force your knee between Kim’s legs as you press it against her crotch. She lets out a startling moan as she pushes you away from her.

“If you continue to do that to me, We’d be late for work,” She smiles

“You know I’d risk being late for work,” You smirk

“Careful there Ms. Firefighter,” Kim says, tugging you by your belt, “Don’t forget that I’m. cop...”

You hear metal click against one another, you see her handcuffs. 

+*+

Coming home to the apartment by yourself was an odd feeling but not a new one.

“Y/n!” Makayla runs up to hug your midsection

“Hey kiddo,” You smile, putting your duffle bag onto the ground

“Hi Mrs. Burgess,” Gabby greets you with a smile

“Gabby, for the last time, you can refer to me by my first name,” You chuckle, “No need for formalities. did this one behave while Kim and I were out?”

Gabby nods, “Made sure she did her homework as soon as she got out of school, 

“Hey, have you heard for Kim at all today?” You lean in close to Gabby, hoping that Makayla would hear Kim’s name 

Gabby shakes her head, “She hasn’t been here since I got here this morning.”

“Okay,” You sigh, “Thank you Gabby, drive home safe.”

Gabby nods as she gathers her things to make her leave for the night. You tuck in Makayla into bed as you walk out into the kitchen to get yourself something to eat. 

+*+

The next morning you opened your eyes, still half asleep. But you were hoping that you felt Kim’s arm around your midsection; nothing. 

Maybe she crashed with Ruzek or Atwater...

You help Makayla get dressed, get her breakfast and the both of you hop into your car.

“You remember what you and Kim talked about?” You ask her, helping her with her backpack

She nods.

“Good,” You smile, patting her on the head, “Have a good day at school kiddo!”

You watch her talk off from your car and into her school. You watch her catch up with her homeroom teacher. You drive off to Firehouse 51 to start your day.

“Hey Y/n, whoa everything okay?” Severide asks

“Kim hasn’t been home since before we both left for work yesterday morning...” You sigh, “I’m worried...”

“Has anyone else from Intelligence gotten in touch with you?” He asks

“I figured they were busy, so I didn’t really reach out to anyone,” You say

“That is true, we did hear them asking on a big case,” He says

Before the both of you could converse further, the alarm goes off.

Truck 81 Ambulance 61 Squad 3 Structural Fire at [Insert Random Chicago Address Here]

You and Severide share a look of ‘oh boy’ before rushing to your turnout gear.

+*+

You take off your helmet as the truck roars, groaning from the amount of pressure growing; the fact your wife hadn’t returned home last night and the structure fire was a little more than you had bargained for. You and the rest of 51 were riding back to the station after taking care of a hazardous fire. Your squad just sat in silence as the truck makes its ambient noises. However, an extra sound echoed throughout the truck’s interior.

Shit...

You reach into your no-longer secret compartment in your area of the truck and low and behold; it was your phone in particular.

“Y/n, you knew the rules, no phones while we go out on calls,” Joe Cruz states

“I know that,” You sigh, “Intelligence and all of PD are on an important investigation and Kim hasn’t gotten back to me since before work yesterday... Both by phone and physically returning home.”

“Joe it’s fine,” Severide states, “Good thinking you didn’t have it on you out there.”

Once you finally look down at your phone, you see Adam’s name come up. Immediately you pick up the call.

“Kevin?” You speak

“Finally!” He says, “I’ve been trying to reach you for the last hour!”

“Sorry, was taking care of a hazardous fire,” You summarize, “What’s going on? Why hasn’t Kim reached out to me?”

“That’s just it, Kim was kidnapped and is in the hospital,” Atwater states

Your heart drops. You nearly let your phone slip out of your hands

“I need you to get to Med as soon as possible,” He says, “Since you’re her next to kin.”

“I’ll try...” You say, hanging up the phone

That was when you unconsciously let your phone slip out of your hand. It startles everyone and the attention draws onto you. However, they were unnerved; your face had gone pale, cold sweat began emitting from your pores, your eyes: saying they’ve just seen a ghost, the way your fingers were heavily fidgeting with one another... 

“Tony...” You call out to him, “Take me to Med.”

“I need to get the rig back to 51,” Tony states

“Tony, just get to Med, I’ll contact the rest of the rigs and Chief Boden,” Severide states, “Whatever it is Y/n, We’ll get you there okay?”

No words could exit your mouth, you could only nod and continue sitting in utter silence as your fingers continued to fidget. 

+*+

You nearly break the glass of the sliding doors as you rush through the doors of the Trauma floor.

“Y/n Burgess?” Maggie asks you

“Yeah, that’s me,” You say, “Where’s Kim?” 

“Follow me,” She says

As you enter the hospital rooms. you see the Intelligence department. Atwater was the one who stood up to follow you.

“How long was she here for?” You ask him

“Since last night...” He explains, “She didn’t have any of her equipment so it was hard to exactly find out where she was...”

“Maggie, how bad is it?” You ask

“She had lost a lot of blood by the time she got in,” She explains, 

You didn’t even open the door to Kim’s hospital room, the view from the door’s window was enough to send you onto your knees. 

“Oh my god!” You yelp

Atwater catches you just before your legs gave out. He places his hand against your palm as you sob into his shoulder.

“Y/n, she did survive her surgery,” Maggie adds, “But, barely. We don't know when it’ll be until she wakes up.”

“So basically...” You sniffle, re-composing yourself, “It’s just a waiting game?”

She nods, “But, your best bet is to be there for your kid right now. I’m going to keep Intelligence and yourself.”

You nod, agreeing.

+*+

In all honesty, it was difficult.... To keep the fact Kim almost died from Makayla until Kim was awake. You sit at her bedside, she was still unconscious as the monitor tracking her heart rate kept a steady beat, filling the silent room with white noise. You look down at your watch and stand. However, instead of putting your Squad 3 Jacket on, you place it over Kim’s upper body, carefully, making sure it didn’t snag on any 

“Why hasn’t Kim come back home yet?” Makayla breaks the question to you

You stop coloring with her and stare down at the coloring page.

“Y/n?” Makayla tries to see your face

“Kim had to do some hero things at work. And some heroes get hurt, so they have to go to a certain place to get those boo boos treated, or else they wouldn’t get better,” You try to explain to her, trying to downplay that Kim almost died

“Can we go see her?” sHe asks

You contemplate... You didn’t want Makayla seeing Kim laying in the hospital bed, unconscious.

“Yeah,. yeah we can,” Was what came out of your mouth

+*+

You knock on Kim’s door as you slowly open it for Makayla. She rushes in and holds Kim’s hand carefully.

“Hey stinkers,” She smiles, sighing

“How are you feeling?” You ask her

“Better,” She smiles at you, “I should be able to come home in the next few days

You nod.

“Thanks for the jacket,” She smiles, gesturing to the one she kept in her lap, “Missed you.”

“Missed you too...” You sigh

“And how is our little girl?” She changes her view to your daughter

“I’m good,” She smiles back, “When are you going to come home?”

“As soon as the doctor clears me,” She tells her

The three of you hear a knock at the door, causing you three to turn to them.

“Hey doc,” Kim greets him

“Are you?...” He asks

“Y/n Burgess,” You say

“I have good news,” He says, “Kim is all cleared to return home. But, she needs to be at home until her wounds fully heal.”

“Done,” You say

+*+

Kim’s POV You had just changed into your PJs for the night however, you needed to change the bandages before you went to bed. 

“Need help?” A voice calls out to you

You turn around carefully and see your wife in the doorway.

“Your wife’s fine, thanks,” You try to play it off

However, you weren’t thinking and wench in pain at your gut. You feel Y/n’s presence right down your neck as you felt her body heat. 

“I got it,” She says

She walks to be in front of you, but then kneels down as she carefully places her palms on your ribcage as she removes the soiled bandages and gently places them over the new ones. 

Y/n’s POV You shift your eyes upward to see Kim’s eyes shifted to you. watching you. You lean forward and place the most gentle kiss you could ever give right on top of the bandaged wounds. You look up at her and listen to her deep sighs as you put another kiss on the other wound. 

“What are you doing?” She hisses

“Making these heal faster,” You smile

However, she begins catching on when you begin kissing higher. However, she stops you and brings your face close to hers.

“You have work tomorrow and you need rest,” Kim says, “Once I’m fully healed and back into work...”

She tugs on your shirt and leans towards your ear, her lips nearly hovering over it. 

“I’m going to work you hard...” She whispers 

You chuckle as she readjusts herself and settles her hands against your shoulders.

“I’ll count on that,” You smile

Without giving her much work, you lean down slightly and kiss her.