#(and i respect them deeply for it)
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bro fuck it im workposting. i did illustrations, i storyboarded, i directed. I did many cool things in 2024 and millions of people all over the world saw em. that has to count for something
#brawl stars#marcia#i dont workpost because i am deeply aware nobody here is here for brawl stars but on god i#i work and i create and its real#and there is a part of me thats ashamed because i know that brawls is not. like its not league of legends you know?#league of legends is something you post about#about the skin you helped create or sculpted#or the splash art you painted#its has that... value that is obvious even in the eyes of a person who has never played league#its a very mature visual language that historically calls for respect#meanwhile presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher#even mentioning an illust i created for a skin announcement for brawl stars feels so#so dollar store#so laughable#like noone would take me seriously#it feels like when you say you're an artist and then a person asks to see your art#and you show them and they get that soft soft look in their eyes that informs you that they had an image of who an “artist” is in their hea#and that you did not live up to it but all they'll say is 'oh thats nice'#bro help me im doing art elitism to myself#how can i simultaneously believe that art can be anything and yet only neoclassical realism has real value#i want to be creatively free yet all i do is fear the unimpressed looks of strangers
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Silt Verses protagonists // Returning Home
#the silt verses#hi just realized carpenter and faulkner's returning home episodes are both chapter 9 of s2 and 3 respectively#idk what to do with this info#anyway something that makes me deeply emotional about this#just the way all of them return to it#paige expecting to come home to an empty abandoned place. surprised to find what's there. seeing the land as unpredictable.#carpenter knowing of the ruin of her previous childhood home. haunted more by the people she left behind. finding no comfort in being back.#faulkner being optimistic. saying perhaps his home could be a temple one day. this is the safest place i could be he says#(and I can't help but think about faulkner leaving marks before he left his home. so that no one else could find a home there.)#(both paige and faulkner returning home when they have no where else to go)#hayward looking up at his old home fondly. there's nothing left for him there. nothing he can find that he doesn't already have.#let her have the lie of me he says.
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cons of playing old video games:
no fandom
visuals that aged poorly
pros of playing old video games:
no fandom
visuals that aged poorly
cheap as hell
#to everyone's shitty polygons that aged like milk i love you#PS i know 'no fandom' is untrue and for every piece of art there is a nerd in a cave writing essays and making art and having convos abt it#(and i respect them deeply for it)#i simplified it for impact ok. im jokesing.#chatterbones#video games#gaming#pc games#gaming humor#aough that tag is not hypoallergenic
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“The Encounter” by Louise Glück
From The Triumph of Achilles (1985)
#succession#kenrome#kendall roy#roman roy#web weaving#poetry#finale#louise glück#The Hug . *crowd errupts*#i can talk about this scene forever and ever and ever#its so deeply packed#for both of them#it probably felt so relieving#they both needed it for their respective reasons#kendall needed that power#and roman needed his cage#where its scary and lonely but safe#in a way this is their purest form of love
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Something that is sad but also that I hugely appreciate about CK is that by the end, most of the systems that harmed the crows are still in place, but their relationships with themselves have grown and changed. I find this particularly interesting in the cases of Jesper and Wylan (shocking I know). Their identities still put them in danger of being exploited or harmed - Grisha indentures are still the norm in Kerch, and the auction scene made it very clear that if the Council knew Wylan's illiteracy was true, they would treat him much the same as his father did due to the culture surrounding productivity and ability. This might seem disheartening, but the hope lies in the shift in how these characters see themselves and their role in the world. By the end of the book, Jesper and Wylan are beginning to put away their internalized shame surrounding their identities. They may still have to hide who they are from the world to survive, but they're no longer hiding it from themselves - their true selves are no longer this crushing burden they have to turn away from to function. A general theme of the series is how, in accepting who they are and what has happened to them on a personal level, the crows place themselves in positions to make change on a systemic level - Inej and her ship, Nina and her mission, Kaz and his Barrel empire, Wylan and Jesper with their political, high-society empire. None of them are all the way there yet by the end - they're still healing, and both the loss of Matthias and the weight of those oppressive systems are going to weigh on them for a long time - but we get to see the very beginnings of that process. I'm going to bite someone.
#that being said. they need so much therapy. that sort of deeply internalized shame doesn't go away after a heist or two#it is kinda heartening u know bc i get real down about how immovable systems seem#and even after something good happens in that regard on an individual level it doesn't seem to get any better#it's ok. what is change but a bunch of people doing better together#this is why i dont want soc3. this is a great stopping point thematically and in that respect i dont need or want to see more#let them exist in this place in my mind. on the brink of things getting better#anyway jan van eck die one million billion times#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#inej ghafa#nina zenik#kaz brekker#matthias helvar#six of crows#soc#tgt#soc meta#OUGHAHGAHGOUAGH
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Again the sickness speaking but here's something that has been going through my mind since forever:
I feel like a good way to mitigate a lot of discontent with the doa arc ending and in general the whole Dazai-being-flawless issue bsd has going on is by comparing bsd to Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. Please bear with me for two minutes.
When Sherlock Holmes was being published, people were intrigued and enamoured by Holmes' brilliant and charming, crimes-solving figure. People read the stories for the pure joy of being left gaping at his superhuman wits again and again; they didn't want to see him fail, they wanted to be shocked and amazed by his genius. When Holmes died and then came back, nobody lamented it being unrealistic, because realism was not what people were reading the books for! They were reading to be impressed, to cheer for the hero and then take satisfaction in seeing him turn out victorious. That's the author-reader deal that was made there: to impress and to enjoy being impressed.
As of recently I feel like we've been asking from bsd something it never promised us in the first place. Maybe it's just not that kind of series! Maybe it's more about surprising the reader with how the hero is going to make it and less about highlighting his flaws and insecurities. And like, that's okay! That's why Dazai getting away with it isn't it him getting away with it “again”, it's just how bsd is; in a way, it's what makes bsd bsd.
I think it really clicked with me like it never did before when I watched the last episode of season 5; because the arc ending felt so shocking and unpredictable, very deus-ex-machina trope, a little underwhelming in its lowering the stakes that were there the whole time, and yet so extremely on brand with bsd, I didn't even have it in me to be disappointed. It was so similar to the Guild's arc ending and even more to the Cannibalism arc ending, and maybe it really is just a pattern, maybe it really is what bsd aspires to be, and that's okay too.
Also, I can't stretch this enough: if it's not your cup of tea, that's fine. I can't say it's mine either. But I feel like criticizing bsd now for how it's always been falls quite short, because it really feels like demanding from it what it never promised to deliver in the first place. That's just as far as my current perception of the series goes, though, so feel free to disagree with me on this.
#Btw this is not me comparing Holmes character with Dazai character.#Holmes character is something Dazai character will never be (respectful of women)#The also real difference between Holmes and Dazai is that one author loathes the character with everything that's in them–#and the other author loves the character with everything that's in them#I've also briefly mentioned before that Atsushi is a very Watson-like figure in the way it uses as someone deeply human‚#sympathetic to the reader and that the reader can see themselves in‚#plot device so that Holmes has someone he can explain his deduction to and with his awe further underlines and uplifts Holmes' genius#Also sassy#osamu dazai#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd s5#Wow and here's me putting my season 5 thoughts down after three months. Took a raging fever for me to do so#To be fair when the episode dropped everyone was a bit crazy over the ending for one reason or the other#So back then I felt like waiting things to chill out first#mine#I often find superfluous to end posts with “feel free to disagree with me on this” because it's so obvious and expected it goes unsaid#But I suppose sometimes it bears repeating...
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HARRY KANE (10) & SON HEUNGMIN (7) OF TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR The greatest partnership to ever exist in the world of football. “When you turn, I will be always there.”
BBC Sport / Kane and Son break the all-time record for Premier League goal combinations / The Guardian / Kane-Son trademark celebration during Liverpool 1-1 Tottenham, 07th May 2022 / Kane-Son trademark celebration during Manchester United 1-6 Tottenham, 04th October 2020 / Kane-Son trademark celebration during Aston Villa 0-4 Tottenham, 09th April 2022 / Kane-Son trademark celebration during Tottenham 2-0 West Ham United / Kane on Twitter after assisting Son on 4 goals against Southampton / Tottenham 1-0 Burnley, 26th Oct 2020 / Nice to Mich You, Son Heungmin / Premier League / Kane and Son hug during Manchester City 2-3 Tottenham, 19th Feb 2022 / Kane and Son hug during Tottenham 1-0 Crystal Palace, 20th Sept 2015 / Kane consoles Son during the Carabao Cup final against Manchester City / Kane and Son celebrate during Tottenham 5-2 Southampton, 26th Dec 2017 / Commentator on the Kane and Son partnership / Tottenham 2-0 Arsenal, 06th Dec 2020 / Caption from ‘Heungmin Son and Harry Kane guess their Premier League goal combinations’ / Stray Kids, I am YOU / Kane and Son celebrate during a 6-1 game against Leicester City, 18th May 2017 / Kane and Son celebrate during a 4-0 game against Everton, 13th Jan 2018 / Kane on Twitter / Frank O’Hara, ‘Morning’ / Kane wins the Golden Boot 20/21 / Son wins the Golden Boot 21/22 / Kane assists Son against Southampton / Caption from ‘Heungmin Son and Harry Kane guess their Premier League goal combinations’ / Mitski, Francis Forever / YouTube: Record breakers! Kane & Son react to becoming Premier League’s most deadly duo! / FootballJOE on Twitter, referencing Son’s trademark goal celebration, the ‘camera,’ through which he is looking at Kane / Gang of Youths, ‘Achilles Come Down’ / Kane and Son celebrate their goal against Arsenal / Kane on his relationship and link-ups with Son / Son and Kane on Instagram / Kane and Son after Kane assisted Son on four goals against Southampton / Tottenham 3-2 Ajax, 08th May 2019 / cr. Shaun Botterill, Getty Images / Commentator on the Kane and Son partnership / Tottenham 3-2 Manchester City, 19th Feb 2022 / Caption from ‘Heungmin Son and Harry Kane guess their Premier League goal combinations’
#footballedit#kaneson#tottenham hotspur#harry kane#son heungmin#son heung min#heungmin son#heung min son#tottenham#football#this is my magnum opus i spent an actual insane amount of time on this ... there is something SO deeply wrong with me.#i feel like this isn't enough to encompass the love they have for each other there needs to be MORE ... but i tried my best#in the end do you ever think about how they both grew up on different sides of the world with nothing binding them apart from a shared#desire to play football and to be the best at it. and how more than 2 decades later they found each other in london and became part of each#other's stories. because that's the crux of it isn't it? there will be no book written about one of them without mentioning the other.#they've become so intertwined over the years you can't tell where one starts and the other ends.#the amount of respect and admiration that they hold for each other is actually insane. like sonny talking about how harry is the best#striker in the world and - not pictured here - how he believed he could win the golden boot at the world cup last year which uh.#that was never going to happen but it's the FAITH. the unwavering relentless FAITH!!! that he has in him :(((#or the DIFFERENT way harry loves sonny oh i could pen tomes about it really but the point is that he opens up around him and he sheds that#stoic and untouchable persona and actually laughs and giggles and smiles in interviews with him and never doubts him. ever.#i couldn't fit in 'never in doubt' here but NEVER IN DOUBT!!!#'when you turn i will be always there.' how goddamn romantic is that then.#the thing is that they were born to be together. they were meant to play with each other.#there will never be another duo like them.#rahul.gif
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but fr outside of my contracted madness i absolutely refuse to give joe alwyn gold rush like how is that song at all related to their relationship the lyrics clearly spell out a relationship that either never existed or only existed in implication and fantasies and maybe-maybe nots and its so bitter and yet desperately soft in the bridge where it almost projects a sense of envy, of wanting to be them as much as you want them. It continues an interesting oft ignored lyrical trend of taylor wanting just as much to be her lover as to have them, envying their easy charisma (you were flush with the currency of cool/i was always turning out my pockets) or quiet dignity (your integrity makes me seem small) dating back to her earliest songs (the kind of flawless i wish i could be). Theres a projected self hatred and yearning to be better that twists itself into both romantic and sexual lust for her partners thats so fascinating and speaks to how all of her songs regardless of who theyre about are also an act of self reflection on who she is and who she wishes to be.
#barry.txt#taylor swift#putting this in the tags as a form of self protection but make no mistake this is a gay thing to do especially in gold rush#which through simple context clues is Obviously About A Woman or maybe even women in general#whivh is a totally seperate post on how taylor constructs and uses gender identity in her music#her girlhood and femininity are earnest but also so carefully constructed and so high effort and kind of desperate#shes a deeply self concious and obsessive person who never looks comfortable in anything ever unless shes#onstage or like. by herself in loose jeans and a tshirt#i think thats one of the things that subconsciously irritate ppl when it comes to her shes constantly and clearly putting in effort#to appear As The Celebrity Taylor Swift and struggles not to self censor or overperform in interviews (when she gives them)#especially present in pre 1989 interviews where the interviewers really didnt have to respect her or worry abt how they frame her#if they didnt want to. Like the fearless era rolling stone interview where she almost has a meltdown over her mom buying eggnog instead of#milk. That whole interview is strange looking back not just bc of the weird misogyny but also because of what it does share#taylor is....weird. She has a strange and desperate vibe and always reacts slightly too much and uses slang poorly#shes media trained and has learned how to socialize but you can feel her discomfort whenever she doesnt have a guitar in her hand#idk these tags have once again gotten so unweildy. i just find it interesting that she finally feels some level of comfortable#in sharing that construction w us in songs like mirrorball and mastermind and imo gold rush#and scene#should i write this up and put it in the swiftieism zine#i should write something and put it in the swiftieism zine
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"Why didn't Megan say anything about Howl's hair being pink when he came to visit?"
This is Howell Jenkins we're talking about, I'm absolutely sure he's been coming home with various hair colours since he was thirteen, I am assuring you this is the LEAST unusual thing about this situation for her.
#I would not be surprised If he actually came with BLUE hair once and deeply regretted it for the next week#before changing back to black#Megan TRIED to stop him cause it's not respectable and everything but she COULDN'T#she's absolutely used to him wearing different colours every two weeks#PINK HAIR is not weirder than like TWO ABSOLUTE STRANGERS he brought with them#one of who is a SMALL TEENAGER#Megan doesn't care about his hair anymore lmao there's more important things to talk about#hmc book#howl's moving castle book#hmc#howl's moving castle#howell jenkins#howl pendragon#sophie hatter#megan parry
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There is just something so endearing about guys who are dorks. They're just funky little dudes and I love them for that.
#i once saw this very studious and respectable dude absolutely break it down during the cha cha slide#it was the best thing i ever saw#like “go white boi go”#i want to kiss them all on the forehead and tell them that I cherish them deeply
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I promise you can speak about and denounce undesirable behaviour without attributing it to some in-born, immutable, unchanging trait that you must "civilize" away.
In this specific instance that inspired this, you really don't need to attribute bad behaviour that's done by a man with unchanging character traits. This isn't even solely about men, because doing this affects everyone, men included.
"Men needed to be civilized out of behaving this way!" Who are you expecting to be doing the civilizing and why? This is just defending the idea that women are responsible for training up men - the millenia-old idea that a man's failings are actually a woman's fault, not his.
As a man, I am responsible for my actions. You don't need to dehumanize me in order to preserve your misogyny and your need to hate a group of men. Don't get me wrong, this rhetoric absolutely is not good for men to face. It especially targets men who have experiences with marginalized identities. If you're on my page, you know that this is something I deal with personally, have personal stakes in that affect my life daily. I just also think we really need to remember that this issue exists in a context where women and other folks will inevitably be punished as a direct result of these ideas as well.
I need to make that last part emphatically clear: even if this rhetoric (somehow) only hurt men, it would still be wrong. It would still be wrong! I want to - as a man - remind people (especially those who already have decided to dehumanize entire groups of people) that nobody is safe from being exempt from punishment due to this rhetoric.
#feminism#politics#when you attribute behaviour to in-born traits you remove a person's agency and ability to make choices#and yes it is dehumanizing. the whole point of being a person is AUTONOMY#i fail to see how this wouldn't also just give shitty people an 'out' for their poor behaviour#you have given everyone a built-in excuse and punishing innocent people who may be affected by those poor decisions#so no i don't accept the In Their Nature argument as a valid or a praxis-led theory#you will ONLY hurt the people you claim to defend. you must start seeing behaviour as a CHOICE if you want to change this#as a man i recognize that i am a human. i MAKE choices. *I* affect the people around me#ME. not this bullshit idea that i must be trained out of in-born unchanging traits that fuel every tiny 'decision' i make#i do NOT need excuses or punishment because i am a 'threat' by being a man. i don't need that patronizing misogynistic bullshit#not to sound too passionate but the women i love in my life do NOT have a responsibility to 'train me'#i love and respect the women in my life too much to degrade them by expecting that from them#and in this case it WOULD be degrading because it relies on Woman As Eternal Caretaker and FORCES them to Train Men Up#because of the character limit in tags this is pretty restrictive but i am not JUST thinking about women in this case#but because this is kind of a tangent i want this to be optional#oddly enough the 'read more' tab is so annoying (i think) on mobile. it's so clunky and i hate using it if i don't NEED to#i'm just so deeply frustrated because i still see this so much and it scares me for many reasons#much of that fear is knowing that other people in my life will also be targeted by this despite Not being men...#but they are nonetheless fully intended to be targets of this rhetoric. they are not collateral damage they are INTENDED to also be affected
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Doing some pose practice with Miss Major Margret Houlihan, because I’ve been on a M*A*S*H kick
Plus Frank but who cares about him
Support me on Venmo @xandy-hurley or on PayPal @AlexandriaHurley
#personal#myart#mash#mashposting#margret houlihan#you know I had to get Hawkeye in there somehow#in the series retrospective documentary. Loretta Swift said that she never liked Margaret’s relationship with Frank#because she felt like Frank was beneath Margaret#but like. I kind of think that’s the appeal for both of them#Frank is a gormless worm who presents as this pinnacle of white masculinity but secretly just wants to get stepped on by a mean hot woman#Margaret wants a man who can both appear as a respectable partner while also getting off on washing her boots#The only reason they’re not entirely perfect for each other is because Frank’s like. A genuinely horrible person#whereas Margaret is a deeply flawed person who has room to grow#I THINK#that’s my personal opinion#but yeah long way of saying she absolutely pegs him
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i am begging people who keep pushing the wriothesley is a father figure to the melusines/sigewinne agenda to read his lore. begging. he's not a father figure, in fact, he's like their borrowed grandkid. the melusines adopted him, not the other way around!!!
#after neuvillette's story quest and neuvillette himself being vocal about not introducing the melusines in human society out of pity but#because they're capable and letting them prove their value why would you choose to babify them??#they're old and they're very independent#they're like tiny grandmas#maybe i'm being petty but am i really??? 😭#i just think it's stupid that there's so much focus in not infantilising them for sigewinne to be made wriolette's kid in every piece of#fan content for commodity#she's not a baby she's the head nurse she's incredibly capable and she took care of wriothesley since he was a teen in the fortress#he just deeply respects them and retributes the kindness that probably saved his life now that he has means to do so#if anything they're friends really#their relationship is also so much nicer and more meaningful this way without any sort of power imbalance#i wish people could appreciate that too#anyways sorry for being petty on main#also sorry for posting about wriothesley again shsjshs
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Sparkstember Day 11: Angst In My Pants (The Decline And Fall Of Me)
Album two of two in the series of Sparks' immaculate new wave releases! Iconic in every way imaginable from the music to the artwork to ONE music video. I think it's more musically (and lyrically!) varied and mature in tone (besides... a couple exceptions. Yes, an album called Angst In My Pants) than its predecessor, which is a very good development. These songs will leave you chuckling and bopping along and also pondering the intricacies of human existence. Ok, maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but it can't be denied that behind much of the earnestness and theatricality here, there's lots of quite emotional, introspective and thought-provoking stuff to be found.
Thematically, this album goes everywhere. One moment we are in Sextown U.S.A, the next we're visiting Disneyland, California where we make friends among people and animals. On a more serious note though, I think the biggest emotional whiplash one could experience between different songs on an album is between Mickey Mouse and Sherlock Holmes. And yet there's still a very prominent element of humour, even in those songs that are on the more serious or dramatic end of the scale.
I said a few days ago that I'd try to return to the topic of Sparks' brand of humour and how it works, but I don't feel intelligent enough to analyse that today. And I'm pretty sure that from what I've seen, Other People And The Maels Themselves (Said It Better Than Me). So instead, as a little send-off, please remember: if a mouse can be special, well, SO CAN YOU!!! 🫵
Favourite songs (and other highlights):
Angst In My Pants: literally no other song like this one in this world. I can't tell why that is but it's just. So great
I Predict: I had a weird kind of effect where I heard this song in my early days of Sparking and it felt VEEERY familiar to me. I think it was due to the genre / style here, it reminded me of something specific, at first I thought it was very glam rock but I'm pretty sure that this is not it but something else (and I don't know what to call it in that case!). Anyway, banger song
Tarzan And Jane: whoa wait, am I already skipping to the third-to-last song on the tracklist?? I guess I am. This one's great and one of my early favs too (I wonder how long it will take until I run out of things to say about my fav songs and it all just becomes this list of 'it's very good and I like it a lot. next.')
The Decline And Fall Of Me: it's great!! I like it!! And, of course, "check out my pizzas"
Eaten By The Monster Of Love: personal reasons that lead to a printed and framed mini-comic of my making appearing on my desk, which features some of the lyrics of this song, which caused me to have it permanently stuck in my head for a pretty long period of time. And this way I ended up liking it much much more than I did in the beginning, when it still seemed somehow pretty unremarkable to me
#i probably should have been putting these under a read more from the start. welp.#not very happy with this post idk really what my vision here was. but if i try to rewrite it i will start progressively losing my mind#so please accept this mess today. ability to articulate my thoughts died a final death i think#i hope that the tone of a Slightly Annoying Music Reviewer Who Tries to Appear Smart Yet Cool#that i accidentally put on here. is at least somewhat enjoyable#i think that someone who actually loves angst might be a better person to talk about why it's so good#i like it a lot but in a more 'acknowledging its brillance and respecting that deeply' way#nothing negative to say about it! it's just not a personal favourite. and yet i still find it so great on some fundamental level#oh and credit to @carcarrot for the idea of how a collection of frozen pizzas could be displayed hehehe#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues#edit: ok i guess tumblr decided that it'll just post scheduled posts instead of saving them when i edit them#so have an early post in that case (i already had to delete it and make it again bcs of this yesterday ugh)
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i always write panic at the disco without the ! because that’s what ryan would have wanted and i respect him, and i always write twenty one pilots as 21 pilots because i don’t respect the band or their fan base
#and i will never write fall out boy as fallout boy because i respect them and im deeply pretentious about them#mari.txt#i don’t have anything to say about my chemical romance because i don’t think anyone is miswriting that#and if they are who am i to judge!
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see in terms of hatchetfield str8 ships we all know that the dynamic apparently, legally, has to be a magical, powerful, effervescent woman/Just Some Guy-- but a very important aspect of that dynamic is the magical, powerful, effervescent woman in convinced that their Just Some Guy hung the moon and stars in the sky and would kill anyone who insinuated otherwise
EXCEPT (this is so incredibly important) for paul and emma
like does emma love paul? obviously yes! but also she knows he is Just Some Guy, Just A Dude, a wet paper towel of a man-- this is a large part of the appeal
#I mean just some guy SO SO SO fondly this is a very important distinction I love these Guys#like lautski and halloweane are the best example of the former#by the end of npmd steph WILL square up to ANYONE who doesn't think Pete is the best most specialest little guy#and likeeee ms Holloway IS correct about Duke being the best most perfect guy but also He's Just A Dude and she will NEVER comprehend that#but Emma? Emma is like “this is my wet cardboard boyfriend”#“I love him deeply he is Nothing though”#“his sum total for positive impact on the world in his lifetime is actually mathematically negligible and that TURNS ME ON”#paulkins#emma perkins#paul matthews#lautski#halloweane#also the guys all see their respective gfs the same way but they're all obviously correct about that#this is also about lex and Ethan but lex is convinced thats not the case#like lex is like ahaha love Ethan that loser#and then someone says 'yeah he's Such a loser' and she summons her black and white powers to destroy them
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