#(and here he is acting like a 12 year old teenager being madly in love for the first time)

[respondedinkind]

You make for a good subject.

It takes a moment for Khan's overwhelmed brain - handling too many emotions and feelings at once, that usually so skilled yet almost inexperienced thing - to get what Vega actually means by saying such; The moment passes before he can truly reply to it, but at least he's able to feel her sentiment burying itself into his own chest, causing his lips to quiver briefly with the hint of a smile that forms upon them.

She's interested in him, so much so that she'd decided to take him as a subject for her art - create him out of graphite, singing her song while scratching lines onto the paper, lines and lines and more lines... lines that usually draw celestial things have been forged to draw Khan, in the way Vega sees him when her gaze trails along his form.

Something warm washes through Khan's body at the thought, the realization of how important and meaningful it actually is - the wave starts at his ears, which already feel like they're burning to ashes, and then trails through his face down his neck, from his shoulders to the center of his chest. There it collects around the thing that beats within his ribcage, an organ made to keep him alive and yet it does so much more in other ways, doesn't it?

Smitten, Khan has called it before - the state he's been in for a while now, appeared out of nowhere one day and doesn't want to leave anymore.

He feels it, right now, by the way his heart burns. He wonders if, maybe, Vega feels something similar - he doubts that her interest in him is purely superficial...

Suddenly, just like that, he realizes that another set of minutes of him simply looking at her must have passed - and he hears her talk, wondering how long he'd been standing there, next to the open door, offering to tell him about the song. Khan blinks, hyperaware of his surroundings all of a sudden, and he stands even more straight (if possible) as he lowers her artwork, but keeps it neatly placed between his fingers.

He's not letting go of it anytime soon.

"---Yes, of course.", is what he says, a tad bit too quick to sound as composed and collected as usual; Khan clears his throat briefly, shifts his weight from one leg to another, takes a shallow breath. Then, he goes on, almost as if correcting himself: "...I mean, yes, I'd like you to. ---There were some parts to it I wasn't able to understand, I guess it's made of two languages, but... the sentiment was brought across still."

A beautiful song, especially when sung by her, he thinks, but won't voice out loud. Not yet.

A part of her, vocal and vicious, considers his hesitation as a rejection. Not undeserved, she knows, not straying too far beyond the scope of cruel reality. All she is has never glistened-- rust and blood and dirt, the only sheen a reflection of the fiery rage that burns within. Forcing her hand like a marionette, leaving dust and death in her wake. Consuming, consuming.

While her heart quivers somewhere between chest and the suprasternal notch, gravity begins to tug at her. Gently at first, infrequently, until it grows in speed and intensity, threatening her body to sink into the floor. Only when he finally takes the page does it relent-- and still her pulse thrums and thrums.

Overcast skies in her skull part long enough for her attention to fall to the tips of his ears, matching the warmth blossoming across her face, how he studies the image with a distance that she can only interpret as bewilderment. Just as well, Vega understands that she is neither accustomed nor equipped in the vein of giving. She, who takes and takes and takes, sequestering all that might render her anything aside from a fixture immutable.

Yet, monoliths do not create. They stand, erode, and drown.

"I did," amusement draping her answer in a way that even she finds surprising, "You make for a good subject."

Whatever that means quickly sinks between them, her thoughts suddenly a cacophony of melody and lyrics that do not compliment her mother tongue. Hello, darling. And she means it, though it holds a heavy weight in her mouth. Too apprehensive of letting go, losing control, losing face. Khan is not like the woman that stole her heart all those years ago, with soft hands and a mouth woven in peace. He is closer to her, galactic ice sculpted into soldier.

Something far worse, perhaps.

While watching him falter stirs something else inside of her, something Vega could consider fondness, she yet combats her own torrent of emotion. She'd touched, she'd kissed, she'd fucked; yet each instance pales in comparison to the intimacy of sharing how she sees. Usually in colors, sounds, the abstract that can only just be dragged onto paper and canvas.

Truthfully, had he not witnessed her stumble, the drawing would have been scrapped along with all the rest, the light of his eyes never permitted to witness the way she sees him, sees the universe for all of the stardust and beauty it holds.

Love is complicated, she thinks, it is selfish.

"I appreciate it," a personal brand of avoiding those two simple words. Neither of them can stand to taste them, it seems. The pencil is still threading between her fingers, though at least she meets his gaze. Those brilliant, alluring blues like an ocean, peering into her bones. "I don't know how long you were standing there, but I... can tell you about the song."

[moonlightgukkie]

2020 Fic Rec Masterlist

Here’s an updated version of my 2019 fic recommendations masterlist! There are so many more amazing pieces of work I have read on this app, but this is a list of my favorites. Please be sure to check out these wonderful authors and their work(s)! <3 (also thank you to the authors that showed love the first time this was posted, ily)

“if i told you” by @gukyi​​ genre​: fluff, comedy, angst, friends2lovers!au

summary​: in order to pay for uni, jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself, donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses, he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

one shot​, two shot, series

“awkwardly in love” by @strawberrynamjoon​

genre​: college, childhood friends!au, fluff, humor

summary​: even if everything changed, yours and jeongguk’s friendship would always stay the same - at least you thought so, but jokes on your, cupid had other plans for the two of you, making you reconsider everything you thought you knew about your best friend of 12 years.

one shot​, two shot, series

“one thing right” by @hobios​ genre​: fake marriage!au, enemies2lovers, angst, smut, humor, slow burn

summary​: desperate to get your ailing mother into the best care possible, you ask your childhood friend turned enemy to marry you for his health insurance benefits, the only problem is it’s illegal, and he’s the sheriff. and you swore to hate him since the day he broke your best friend’s heart.

one shot, two shot, ​series (COMPLETED) 

“inkling” by @gguksgalaxy​ genre​: smut, angst, tattoo artist!jjk

summary​: jeongguk is your brother’s boyfriend’s co-worker, they own a tattoo and piercing parlor. in other words, he’s tall, gorgeous, has his passion literally etched into his skin, looks incredibly good in a man-bun, and is semi-unattainable for you. why? well, you’re not entirely sure but him ditching you after a very heated makeout session sure isn’t a good sign. his extremely poor mood the next week sure isn’t either, but the only way to fix it is to face the beast head-on...right?

one shot​, two shot, series

“bandslam 1″ by @ironicarmy​ genre​: drummer!jjk, gutarist!oc, angst, smut, rock band!au

summary​: cocky drummer jeon jeongguk has never been the type to hate anyone, but when his best friend taehyung unexpectedly leaves the band and leaves you in his place, he can’t really blame himself when he acts disdain towards you. not even when there’s a prize at stake.

one shot, two shot, ​series (IN PROGRESS)

“the phantom knight” by @lil-meow-meow-goes-rawr​

genre​: medieval!jjk, angst, action, dragon!jjk, fantasy!au

summary​: legend speaks of a fearless knight... a knight so strong he could move mountains, sent to protect us from the terror of the moon dragon. before the reign of kim namjoon began, before peace was formed between the nations, the moon dragon reigned over them all. terrorizing the kingdoms with a ruthless vengeance. vengeance for the extinction of its own kind. a vendetta which only the phantom knight could stop.

one shot, two shot, ​series (IN PROGRESS)

“one time, in your room” by @ubemango​

genre​: college!au, smut

summary​: there are papers to write, and virgins to daydream about. (you can think about jeongguk’s dick later.)

one shot, two shot, ​series

“frost impressions” by @fortunexkookie​ genre​: teacher!au, gamer!au, smut, angst, enemies2lovers

summary​: jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade.

one shot​, two shot, series

“melomaniac” by @jeonscript​ genre​: band!au, punk!jjk, friends2lovers, smut, angsty fluff

summary​: you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jeongguk and yet you know you shouldn’t be because he’s your best friend and nothing more. worst part of it all is that you know he’s in love with you too.

one shot​, two shot, series

“worshippers of the sea” by ​@jimlingss​

genre​: pirate!au, mermaid!au, angst, fluff

summary​: you are the greatest pirate to set sail across the ocean and self-proclaimed ruler of the ocean. but when the true god of the sea catches wind of your hubris, he punishes you - taking your legs and turning it into a tail.

one shot​, two shot, series

“the burning flame” by ​@bangtanfanfiction​ genre​: fantasy!au, angst, action, fluff, dragon rider!oc/jjk

summary​: you’re sent as a scout from the academy into enemy territory, tasked with the mission to make sure the king doesn’t unleash another war on the four nations. during your quest, you get tangled up with a lone rider, as stubborn and hard as the scales of his dragon.

one shot​, two shot, series

“bitchin” by @kinktae​ genre​: 1980s!au, angst, smut, idiots2lovers, fluff, humor

summary​: the 80s were a time of choices. which perm was right for you? what color of neon would you wear next? none of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with jeon jeongguk.

one shot, two shot, series (IN PROGRESS) 

“moirai” by @taeken-my-heart​

genre: soulmate!au, angst, smut, fluff, enemies2lovers

summary: on your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. the name of your soulmate. it’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brush aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. but what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake up to find the name of your mortal enemy jeon jeongguk?

one shot, two shot, series (IN PROGRESS) 

“concentric” by ​@gingerpeachtae​ genre​: fantasy!au, angst, fluff, enemies2lovers. smut

summary​: you had been ready for the end of the semester. you had been ready to spend time away from your best friend, park jimin, and finally move on from the feelings you harbored. yet, after your friend was forced to reveal a secret, you found yourself in a new world that was full of magic, war, and wonder. so, here you were, basically thrown into your own fantasy novel, with your best friend on one side, and six male warriors on the other.

one shot, two shot, ​series (IN PROGRESS)

“more than words” by @ironicarmy​ genre: best friends!au, smut, fluff, angst, humor

summary: you & namjoon have been painfully (and blindingly) pining for each other since your teenage years, much to your friends’ chagrin. so, unbeknownst to both of you, seokjin and the rest plan to finally make you confess during a ski trip.

one shot, two shot, series

“try me” by @jjkfire​ genre​: fluff, slight angst, idiots to lovers, college!au, rugby!au

summary​: you wanted nothing more than to leave behind your old self when you graduated from high school and moved on to college to play rugby, but when you see your high school classmate, resident fuckboy and captain, kim namjoon, at the rugby department orientation, you feel like everything might fall apart.

one shot​, two shot, series

“all you knead is love” by ​@loveejoon​ genre​: baker!oc, apprentice!joonie, fluff, minimal angst

summary​: stumbling upon a help wanted sign and desperately needing a job, namjoon walks into your small bakery shop, after tasting your bread and ​god​, how it melted in his mouth, he insisted on being your assistant, you wholeheartedly agreed, not realizing the dimpled man was a klutz, and that’s the ​nicest​ way you could put it.

one shot​, two shot, series

“bloom” by​​ @hobidreams​ genre​: assassin!reader, florist!joonie, smut, action, angst, some fluff

summary​: family is who you kill for, who you die for. in this society, you and your kin are shadows, clinging to the darkness to obey orders absolute. but when such orders command you abandon what little honor remains for wealth and notoriety, you find yourself lost in lonely uncertainty about the only vocation you’ve ever known. that is, until you meet a man with gentle hands, a poet’s heart, and a love for coaxing the world into ​bloom.​

one shot​, two shot, series

“beastly gods” by @lemonjoonah​ genre​: hybrid!au, drama, thriller, smut, angst

summary​: “​don’t leave the forest​,” a rule that you’ve been forced to follow since birth, but you are tired of living in this wooden cage. out of desperation you cut a deal with taehyung, who claims to be the only one who can get you out safely, even though he might be just as dangerous as the god you’re trying to escape.

one shot​, two shot, series

~ hi! if you made it this far down the post i would like to thank both @jjkfire​ and @gingerpeachtae​ for being so kind & helping me recover this masterlist. Please be sure to check out the works of these amazing angels!! 

[mrjcb]

How a Sexual Abuse Victim Healed by Embracing Her Submissive Nature

I don’t really know how to begin this post except to say that my girlfriend was abused when she was 12-13 years old. It was by an older cousin who's a few years older than her. It started in the pool when they were playing around wrestling. He would hold her against the wall and dry-hump her.

The first time she didn’t know what was happening, so she didn’t say or do anything – but the second time she asked him to stop. He didn’t.

The sexual abuse continued and happened many more times times whenever he would be alone with her. She feared being anywhere near him and was too scared to tell anyone what was happening.

The worst time was when she was sleeping. It was at a family vacation, and in the middle of the night he snuck into the bed she was sleeping in. He began humping the mattress while lying next to her with his hand on her stomach. She rolled her body away from him in an attempt to dissuade him. But he didn’t care. He leaned over and peered into her eyes to see if she was sleeping, and out of fear she pretended to be. He began to rub and grind his bare cock against her. She said she cried silently just waiting for it to be over. She doesn’t remember how long it went on for on this particular night, and doesn’t remember it ever ending.

The thought of this still enrages me.

Although he didn’t rape her and it could have been a lot worse, she was very traumatized by it.

She first told me of this years ago, the night before her family was having a get together that this cousin was going to be attending. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know what to do. What do you do? I wanted to tell her entire family the perversion that was inflicted on her, but of course she made me promise not to say or do anything.

So I sat there, time after time, year after year, seeing my girlfriend have panic attacks whenever she had to see him. Even the thought of maybe seeing him or the possibility of having to be in contact with him would ruin her for the entire day. And that’s just how it was. Tough shit.

It’s strange thinking that the actions of some teenager can make a grown man like me feel powerless a decade and a half later, but that’s exactly how I felt when she was around him. I couldn’t do anything to help her. How do you fight something like that? It’s like she was facing this invisible demon that only she could see, and I wasn’t able to stand in front of her to protect her.

Her and I started our full-time D/s relationship in February, 2017. And since then, we have seen this abuser-cousin of hers four different times.

The first time, she had a full on panic attack. She was a mess. When we were at the get-together with him, it was the same as usual for my girlfriend. I tried my best to take her mind somewhere else with my new sense of authority with her. And it sort of helped. But not really. 

The second time it was a little better. By this time I had gotten her a choker necklace that represents her submission and our bond. I told her that he is only allowed to speak to her – and she is only allowed to respond to him – while her hand is on her collar. And I don’t mean to trivialize trauma, but believe me, this simple thing helped more than I could have ever prayed for.

By the third time, her and I had gotten more experienced and developed in the dynamic (this was only last month, June 2017), and I told her exactly what to say to him and exactly where to sit. She was panicky before going to her aunt’s house to see her family, but when we arrived, she was the best I’ve ever seen her in that situation. She was her normal self for most of the day.

And the fourth time, on her birthday earlier this month (July 2017), we had to see him. It was the best day she’s ever had when dealing with him. She was stressed before people arrived (she turned on the toaster without putting bread in it, and put her cup of coffee in the fridge instead of the milk, that sort of thing; stuff she doesn’t normally do), but she was okay overall.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s been “as easy as 1-2-3″ for her. It hasn’t. Our whole experience together over nearly a decade has been building her up. And to be clear: I’m not one bit special in all of this. It’s all her. It’s about her submission, and not at all about my dominance. She makes the rules for the relationship and how she wants to be treated, and I merely facilitate it. That’s it. She’s found something that has helped her – really helped her – and I feel obligated to write about it, with her permission, of course.

Our consensual-non-consent in particular has helped her reclaim & re-define the devastating experience of her saying “no” and having the man not listen to her. It’s no longer some distant, blotched-out memory that she has to be frightened of. We’ve created new memories that represent eternal trust between two people who love each other. It’s all on her terms now.

And I don’t claim to be a psychologist or an expert on any of this stuff, but I can see first hand that the trust in our relationship has helped her in so many ways.

She has lived for a very long time with an “exterior” that I’ve spoken about once or twice here on Tumblr, and I’m going to add it here again: She’s fierce and strong and fearlessly independent. And that’s what she portrays, on the outside. I believe it's a defense mechanism. She has guarded her femininity and her beauty, afraid of what it meant to be a woman in front of a man. Maybe because of the abuse, maybe because of something else. But it’s like she’s holding something back and it’s a front and not genuinely who she is or who she wants to be.

But underneath – like when she’s in subspace – she’s this totally different girl, and that’s really the girl that I’m in love with. It might sound esoteric or maybe it’s silly, but that’s how I feel. It feels like when she’s in subspace I’m finally seeing her for who she is in complete, vulnerable, encapsulating detail.

When she’s in subspace, her eyes change, her voice changes, the way she acts changes, the way she processes information changes.

And all throughout the years that we’ve been together, I’ve had very short glimpses of her submissive side and it’s been completely addicting to me. But I didn’t know how to “keep” her there. And I didn’t want to keep here there for my benefit, but because I could see how free she was. How liberated. I probably sound a little crazy. But for years I would see glimpses of this submissive girl and I was madly in love with her, but I couldn’t keep this submissive side out. Her true self. I didn’t understand it at all. I just knew that she was in there and she would show up in our most intimate moments but she’d be gone the next.

So that’s where our D/s dynamic comes in. I feel like she’s finally able to be who she truly is, deep in her core, almost all of the time now. And I can see the difference. She’s more relaxed, she doesn’t get frustrated, or panicky, or stressed – she’s at peace and doesn’t have worries on her mind. She’s free. She’s able to let go of her problems and baggage that she’s been carrying around her entire life, and her emotional and psychological scars are healing.

She’s been made whole. And I love it.

And you know, looking back, she’s always shown me who she is underneath, but – in hindsight – it was me who didn’t really understand what she needed in order to flourish and blossom. It’s like I could see this beautiful, beautiful flower but I didn’t know how to water it and I didn’t know what it needed to grow. But now I do. And when I stop and look at the garden around me, it’s just… breathtaking.

Thanks @needylittlecunt for encouraging me to write this. I was afraid it was a little tone-deaf coming from a guy who could not possibly imagine the devastating reality of being sexually abused.

And thank you @the-pleasure-of-unpleasure for writing her post “D/s & Anxiety” because it really struck a chord with both of us, and made me believe that this could be worth expressing.

I am not a health professional of any kind, mental or physical. If you are suffering or have suffered emotional trauma, panic attacks, or you’re thinking about suicide or harming yourself, please see a professional that can give you the care you need & deserve. You are worth it.

[creactivist-universe]

I started a post yesterday, but  I think it’s lost to the internet now.  I don’t remember what I wrote, but I think it was related to reading through my high school blogs.  

I’ve scheduled my first therapy appointment in three years!  I have my first appointment on February 9th at the ungodly hour of 7:45am.  I’ve cycled back to, “I can’t live with this ADD and depression and it’s seriously impacted my life on no less than two occasions.”  To be honest, after reading my old journals and reflecting on the past 10 years, I’m beginning to think I may suffer from, at the very least, a mild form of bipolar.

I have a few reasons for this, but let’s see if I can form a relatively coherent argument before my mind flits elsewhere.

I think at this point, a few, if not most of my close friends are aware of my struggle with depression.  I was diagnosed in high school and have felt it to varying degrees the past 15 years.  I don’t like to talk about the two big instances in which it severely impacted my life, but I think it could be cathartic right now.  I take that back.  I think it’s 3.

The first. This is really the first time I’ve thought critically about my high school experience and how my depression truly impacted it.  No one except those in charge of my grades and the colleges I applied to know this, but I almost failed out of high school.  On the outside, no adults were truly aware of what I was doing.  I was in honors and AP classes, took early bird P.E. because my schedule was so full, played clarinet in the band, sang soprano in choir, wrote and acted in plays, did speech & debate, and several other activities.  By all appearances I looked like an energetic and bright teenager who knew what they wanted and where they were going.  But in reality, I was struggling.  I wasn’t completing assignments, I was self-harming, and I was becoming obsessive about people and ideas from a time when I thought I was happier.  Reading through my old posts is a rollercoaster of emotions and sometimes it doesn’t feel like the same person was posting these different entries.  I’d go from admitting that I’d cut myself and hated myself, and how obsessed I was with an old friend I thought I was madly in love with to talking about how amazing I was, how productive, that happiness was a choice, and obsessing over an internet boyfriend. Of course, it is hard to separate the ‘teen-ness’ from the mental illness, but I do remember that this was around the time I started to feel like I was two different people.  That there was a me that did everything right, and everything aligned the way I needed and wanted to and I was capable of great things and then there was a me that was a piece of shit, that looked at my excited self as something less than human and an embarrassment.  By the end of high school, even though teachers had consistently told me I was one of their brightest students, I barely had a 2.0.

The second. My first two and half years of college were amazing.  I was involved.  I received amazing grades.  I partied hard and worked harder.  I founded the environmental club at my community college and attended conferences on issues I cared about.  I transferred to Iowa State and worked for national nonprofit while in school.  I helped organize a 200 student conference, spoke on a panel about the future of food and land grant universities in California.  I was on the economics committee for model UN and attended the political science club.  I joined a sorority based around science technology and was so involved I barely had time to thing.  Then like a switch everything changed.  I stopped attending classes.  I never left my room.  I didn’t turn in assignments.  And once again, teachers and my adviser all expressed that oh so common concern, “You’re one of the brightest students in my class, but you’re just not turning in your work.”  I spiraled down, and I spiraled fast.  Before I knew it I was meeting with a dean from the College of Life Sciences, sobbing in their office, begging to be given a second chance.  Needless to say, they basically told me I had to leave, but that I could come back once I got my shit together.

The third. After being ‘academically dismissed’ from college, I fell into a routine of work and partying.  Suddenly I was putting all the energy I used to have for school and my passions, I was putting in to hanging out with this amazing group of people in Ames.  I felt manic.  I didn’t sleep much, I drank a lot, and I made a lot of poor choices.  I adopted 5 chickens I had no business attempting to care for.  I welcomed a heroin addict in to my home and heart.  I would start and end parties, or randomly disappear once I’d decided I was ‘bored.’  Then, as if by magic, I found an opportunity to do the type of work I’d always wanted.  It’s wasn’t glamorous and it was a lot of work, but I was so excited.  I came a Canvass Director with the Fund for the Public Interest and I got to canvass door-to-door on issues that were important to me and crucial to the safety and security of Americans.  I moved to Chicago and worked 12 hours a day, 100 hours a week.  I was exhausted and overwhelmed, but I always felt that I was putting in the hard work I needed to gain the experience to truly run my own nonprofit or get involved in government.  When it came time for my contract to expire we started discussing my next step.  Joe said I’d make a great Campus Organizer (even though I REALLY wanted to be a fellow.)  Even though I had misgivings about the position, I went around and asked everyone in the office who’d ever been a campus organizer about the job.  I even fucking emailed Andre, the executive director of US PIRG and had an hour long coffee meeting with him where we talked about my past experiences, my goals for the future, and the work I’d done with his network of organizations.  I was referred to work for MASSPIRG by the god damn director of the US branch of the organization.  Like the top guy.  And getting selected to work in Massachusetts is  HUGE DEAL. It’s where the first PIRG was started on college campuses in the 1970s.  It’s where they send some of their strongest organizers.  I was on track to really move up in the organization and making a bigger impact.  But like so often happens, like a slap in the face, my depression came back with a vengeance.  Suddenly, I wasn’t following in the foot steps of people like Barack Obama. (If you’re curious about the ‘community’ organizing he did in college, he was a Campus Organizer for PIRG.  Either in New York or New Jersey, I can’t remember.)  I had the same job our president once had and I was in charge of organizing students on two college campuses and when we geared up to pass the bottle bill during the next election, they wanted to expand my jurisdiction temporarily to the community.  I was organizing for a ballot initiative and I was in charge of making sure that as many people as possible knew how to vote on election day. (Here’s a brag: The county in Mass that I was in charge of voted for the bill by a higher percentage than anywhere in the state.  Inevitably we lost as Coca Cola spent $5 in ads against us.)  Suddenly, I was faking press conferences, and missing meetings with senators.  I was afraid to leave my room and rarely went to the colleges I was supposed to organized.  I felt overwhelmed and underprepared.  And like always, by the time I tried to reach out for help it was too late.  I had to drive 3 hours to Boston to be told they were letting me go.  I’d never been fired before.  I’d never failed that hard before.  Up until this point, I had genuinely felt like I’d made up for my mistake in college.  That the universe had someone lined everything up perfectly for me and that there was some greater purpose to my life. Now I just felt like a shitstain in the history of humanity.  I took the six months we had left in our lease to essentially just sit on pause.  I worked, I smoked, and I drank.  And right when things were starting to look up and I’d finally gained a solid group of good friends, I moved.

Back to Iowa. Back to hear.  Almost to now.  Where I have a great job with amazing benefits that many people would kill for.  Bah.  I’m actually on a roll today and there’s so much more I want to say, but I need to get going and finish getting ready for work.