#(again made transparent elsewhere)

[pelman]

men who are .0000001 seconds from infodumping about bugs

setter belongs to @dillybilly

[questionable-doctor]

juuust finished this. going to be putting it everywhere i can in the future

[blood-smiles]

𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐆𝐄𝐄𝐊!

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐄 𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 MDNI - yandere content . yandere is such a human otaku it’s actually pathetic . general creepy content . DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT.

─�� .✦ You bit back sobs as you ran through the green forest, calves burning as if fire was licking at your heels. But you couldn’t stop, it would cost you your life.

Bullets zipped past you, impacting against the thick tree bark and leaving deep bullet holes, an angry man shouting behind you.

You dropped the rabbit in your hands long ago, the angry huntsman chasing behind you as if it was the last thing he would do. Only god would know what he would do to you if he caught you.

Your lungs struggled keeping up with the rest of your body as you sprinted away like a wild deer, a bullet implanted deep in your thigh. The adrenaline wouldn’t allow you to feel pain however, as you were focused on survival.

Your brain tingled with warmth, blood clogging up your head. Your body was beginning to lose strength and the pain would begin to tenfold in moments.

Thorns, your barreled into a bush with thorns, you heard the man stop shouting, but the stinging pain in your skin blocked him out completely as you somehow made it through the bush and landed on a patch of pavement.

Pavement? Why would there be pavement in the middle of the forest. You heard the soft gasps of being around you.

You let out a choked sob as your vision began to go black, the last thing you could remember was the patch of blood beneath you and the large warm hands of someone.

“—man…Hu—…an..Human.” Deep.. Why was his voice so deep? So warm and soothing like the hands on your arms.. What? Why are there hands touching you?

You inhaled sharply, snapping your eyes open. Had the hunter caught you? Where were you? 

Your vision blurred as you looked around, body too weak to function correctly, your mind screaming at your body to move—To do something, but your limbs stayed glued to the oddly soft and cushioned.

You took in a large inside of a house with wooden walls, curling into the shape of a tree. The insides lined with books on dated anthropology and various human graphs and.. were those human drawings on the walls?

You saw a male above you, too tall to be a human. And.. Were those pointed ears? Body markings?

What kind of fever induced dream was this?

Was this guy some kind of a human enthusiast? This teetered on borderline creepy and obsessive..

You must have made a funny face because the.. human but not so human shaped male let out an amused exhale through his nose.

“It seems that you are awake.” He paused “Now, little human, do not strain too much, your energy reserve is low.” The deep voice spoke again, bringing a hand close to your face and touching one of your cheeks carefully, with his finger making little swirls on your skin.

“You see, I have used a healing spell of elven origin on you. I found you in a state most dire, I must confess— I was by no means certain that my magicks would be efficacious upon your being. Human organisms are scarce in these lands, and your constitution, complex and delicate as it is, had me fearing I might harm thee furt—“

You couldn’t keep up with his rambling, you could tell he was quite intelligent but.. He really was a chatter box.

Your eyes drifted elsewhere, was this an elf..? You had understood that he was definitely not human, based on his physique and strange knowledge.

“How splendid, I have a human in my possession. A remarkable one too. Those beautiful eyes.. I wonder if most humans have those.. I’m going to note—.”

He looked around your age but his way of speaking and his mannerisms seemed more than a little old fashioned.

His clothing was something else too, it was modest on the top half, well, apart from the boob window, but most his torso was covered, but as you drifted lower, there was only a semi transparent loin cloth covering his genitals. His thighs were strong and his skin was dark and smooth, thigh highs reaching the middle of his thighs. You were pretty sure he was barefoot.

You tried blinking, probably looking like a confused turtle. His hair was very long and a pretty shade of pastel green, part of it covering his left eye, in a thick braid that ran all the way down his back and stopped at his tail bone.

His ears were elongated and droopy, pointing downwards, twitching once in a while, alike to the occasional ear twitches of a fawn.

You couldn’t help but reach a hand upwards towards his head, shaky but steady. Your palm wrapped around his ear, gently tugging at the cartilage.

He paused, eyes widening a little at the sudden intrusion of personal space. You felt his ear twitching under your fingers.

“Little human. What.. is thou doing?” He flushed, abnormally large hands hovering over your hand.

“Humans have natural curiosity, will need to write that down..”

You were sure he could snap your wrist as if it was nothing but a toothpick. You were pleasantly surprised to see that he handled you with extreme care and gentleness.

His slightly calloused hands ghosted over your skin as if the slightest breeze would scuff you. As if you were an antique doll and just the smallest touch of a feather would crack your fragile exterior.

“Ah. I comprehend now. You must be inquiring for sustenance, you must be famished.. Humans must have meals in a timely manner, noted.” He acknowledged, gently picking you up out of the bed and holding you on his hip.

He slung his braid over his shoulder as he carefully took you to what seemed like a kitchen. His chest was very full and comfortable, so you just put your face on it. 

Your hands absentmindedly played with his soft hair, you wondered to yourself when you even got the confidence to touch a stranger so familiarly when he had kidnapped you.

But.. It wasn’t all that bad, he healed you. Only light scars lingered on your skin, and you were sure they would disappear in no time. 

Plus he was very easy on the eyes— AND he was about to feed you! Were you in heaven?

He hummed softly, placing you on the very tall counter (?) made of some wood, the material felt smooth under your skin like a bamboo board. 

He steadied you against a wall, keeping a watchful eye on you just in case you would tilt over and fall off the counter.

You were still so drowsy, blinking slowly and trying to keep the sleep out of your eyes. Were you hallucinating? Because you watched in a daze as ingredients floated around the tall human shaped male in a circle.

He raised a hand once in a while, the needed ingredient drifting to his hand. What you assumed to be a cook book levitated in front of him on a page you couldn’t quite see the contents of.

He glanced at you out of his uncovered eye once in a while checking you were okay. 

You couldn’t keep your head up anymore, your head bobbed in fatigue. Your hands folding over your stomach as your eyes began to shut.

“Dearest specimen, wake up. Food is ready.” A soft voice and the gentle feeling of a hand smoothing your hair roused you.

You blinked the sleep away, you had regained the control over your limbs.

“Fortunately I scavenged a human cook book in the library, now I have vaster knowledge on your human custom—“

You let out a small scream, to which he jumped at. Staring at you as if you had grown a second head then turning his head to the sides as if looking for some invisible threat.

“W-Who— What are you?” You slightly raised your voice, hands shooting up to grab his wrist to hold it over your head, halting the soft patting of your head.

“Susano, Human researcher.” He smiled a little bit, finding that you needed both your hands to lift his one wrist obscenely cute. he could see your forearms shaking under the weight of his arm.

“I’m an elf, and you a human. Pray tell, what is your name, human?” He tilted his head down at you, letting you get a closer look at his face and the white markings on his face, the small white dots and star like details.

“..(Y/N).” You caved in, hands sweating as you release his wrist. It wouldn’t be that bad telling him your name since he healed you and.. did he save you?

“..Did you pick me up from that.. Bazaar?” He nodded, stirring the warm plate of soup in his hand with a wooden spoon.

“I believe that someone was chasing you, isn’t that right?.. A human male with a strange metal rod with a leather handle?” Wow, you had thought you lost the hunter but it’s seems not.

“He landed in the same spot you had, you needn’t worry your pretty little head, (Y/N).” He paused as he caught a glimpse of your worried expression.

Gently blowing a little of the soup with his mouth to cool it down, he gently guided the spoon towards your lips.

“Say ‘aah~’..” The soup smelled so good, you reluctantly opened your mouth, really.. What had gotten into you! Letting a..an elf feed you? A stranger no less!!

Flavors exploded in your mouth, your eyebrows raising in surprise, tasting the food in your mouth a second before swallowing.

“So good..” you mumbled, wiping the corner of your mouth before Susano could get to it first.

He smiled appreciatively before continuing his explanation as he spoon fed you. “That.. Hunter, threatened us with his.. strange weapon. I believe humans call them ‘guns’. He tried to pry you out of my arms but I fear I may have swatted him in the head too hard.”

You paused eating, staring at the elf with something unnameable.

“Ah! No no. Don’t look at me like that.. I only did it for your well being. Humans like him.. truly repulse me.” He grimaced at nothing, bringing up the spoon towards his lips to polish the bowl off.

You watched as his tongue stuck out and slowly licked your drool off. Was it intended to be so erotic? You flushed at little under his watchful gaze.

“Tell me, how old are you?” He asked, flicking his wrist and sending the bowl away.

“..I’m 22.” You shyly answered, scratching an itch on your shoulder. You had read in an old library book that elf’s could be pretty old, the fact not showing very much on their appearances.

“You must be a growing human then!! Ah, how thrilling! Your bones are to age aren’t they?” What a strange question, you nodded with a strange look on your face.

“You look different from the infant humans in books though.. Do you need breast feeding still? Did you lose your mother? You poor thing.. All lost and on your own..” he cooed, coming closer to you and opening his arms to embrace you in a soul crushing hug.

He grabbed your arms while you were restrained by his biceps, a notebook floating into view with a levitating pen.

what seemed to be a measuring device began flying everywhere and measuring all details about you.

“Hm. How interesting, humans heal at an extremely slow rate. How have you managed to survive this long? Your immune system is naught but absolutely easy to trespass and get you ill.” He noted, your ears registering the soft scribbling of a pen on pages.

“Humans are very intelligent beings but.. still so fragile, I could snap your bones with a squeeze of my hand. Are all of you this small? You barely reach my mid section, truly amusing.” He muttered under his breath

“H-Hold on! I do not need breast feeding! I’m not a child! I’m an adult! A full grown adult with an almost fully developed frontal lobe!” You tried to resist his hug, putting your arms in front of you as if your feeble attempt would stop you from being smothered between his chests.

“Hm? Is that so..? Well, surely you still want to be taken care of don’t you? Even if you are an adult, surely you won’t mind more smothering.. Humans are truly such interesting creatures.” He lifted you into the air as if you were lighter than an underweight kitten.

“I have made my mind.” He lifted you to meet his eyes, which was pretty high up, if you guessed he was somewhere around seven feet.

His expression was serious and ice cold. As if he was a drill sergeant about to reprimand you. His hold was gentle but his eyes said something else.

“I am going to keep you here with me, in the village. From now on you are under my care as a defenseless human, adult or not. I took you in and now you are my responsibility.” He announced proudly, before hugging you as close as possible to him, rubbing his cheek against your own face.

“—And you are going to aid me in my human studies, you are one remarkable specimen and too precious to let prance out in the wild. Goddesses, how did you even survive out there? Do you know how dangerous elven forests are?”

You tried grabbing at the long green braid of hair to make him peel himself from you, the body warmth was all consuming and becoming unbearable.

You tried to pull at his hair but he didn’t budge, only smiling and ‘aww’ing at your attempt to make space.

“We shall have a most wonderful time together. ♥”

[soldiersslut]

GHOST OF YOU — SOLDIER BOY "CHAPTER THREE"

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Female!Reader

Warnings: Language, sexual advances, implied smut in the end, and Soldier Boy being Soldier Boy

Word Count: 3,452

Author's Note: Thank you so much again for all the love and support! Keep in mind this chapter is a flashback! Thank you, thank you again :')

IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED PLEASE LET ME KNOW. DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW, HEART, AND REPOST. THANK YOU AGAIN!

Early 1980s – The Beginning

“Soldier Boy! There is someone I would like for you to meet!”

It is not the first, nor will it be the last time Soldier Boy ever hears those words. He was attending one of Vought American’s extravaganza. The whole point? Show him off and tease the upcoming group of Supes that’ll band together to wipe out the last bit of communism left. Soldier Boy wanted the best and the only thing he requested of Vought American is that he’ll be the captain. He wanted to be captain because he got so used to being the only one in the spotlight, and all of a sudden he needed to share it with others? Hell no. He is Soldier Boy. That alone is enough.

During this time it was the rise of materialism and consumerism. Blockbuster movies were being made and the emergence of cable networks was increasing. Vought jumped on it and created VNN, and their movie studio gained more popularity overtime. A group of Supes coming together should be groundbreaking entertainment!

The best thing to come out of from all of Vought American’s success? Soldier Boy can get all the drugs, liquor, and whores he wanted. Who can say no to him? He is the poster boy for Vought American. It is because of him the company has grown.

So, when Vought American announced Soldier Boy was attending; many, if not all, important political figures confirmed that they’ll be attending this evening. Other Supes will be in attendance to prove their unique abilities and convince Vought American and Soldier Boy that they deserve a spot in what the group will be called, Payback.

Though Soldier Boy’s priorities were elsewhere. At some point the entertainment came out and by the end of it Soldier Boy was surrounded by these pretty entertainers. He made his way around with one on each arm.

He recognized Legend’s voice and the way he kept calling after him was annoying. Legend always had him meet new people who were just old fucks believing that because they endorse and buy stocks from Vought American they have some ownership over him. Fuck these people.

“What?! I am fucking busy!” Soldier Boy snapped and motioned to the two girls in his arms.

“I am aware you are busy, but there is someone I would like for you to meet.”

Soldier Boy expressed no interest until Legend moved to the side, and a woman stepped forward. The woman was dressed modestly. A celeste ruched and drop waist dress that reached below her knees. Soldier Boy has seen these dresses in women and the waist part of the dress tended to be loose. Though her waist had a nice and tight fit. For boys they might not find the appeal of a woman shaped this way, but he is a man and he fucks anything and everything that calls to him.

She was not like the two dancers next to him whose hair is so frizzy to the point it was inching closer to the ceiling as time passes. The tight red fit easily leaves to the imagination, and the makeup was bold and mismatched.

“Go away, I will find you both later,” he whispered to the girls. They giggled and walked away, though before they were out of hands reach he slapped their bottoms. He winked which made them laugh like schoolgirls.

“It would be rude of me to not give you my full attention. What’s your name, beautiful?” he asked and so, the flirting began.

The woman smirked. She was already given the heads up the kind of person Soldier Boy is. The man is as transparent as glass.

“She is Mimicry, both of you will be working together to create Payback!” Legend sounded way too excited. Mimicry’s smirk hasn’t left yet, especially seeing the way Soldier Boy’s smile faltered.

“I’m sorry, I must have heard wrong. I was under the impression I was going to be creating the team?” Nobody consulted him about this stupid idea. He did not need anyone’s help, and much less from a woman who thinks they’ll be equal. “And who the fuck vouched for her?”

“The one vouching for me is Mr. Frederick Vought and Stan Edgar. If there is any issues with their executive decision I am sure they would love to hear you out.” Mimicry suggested. Vought may be old, but he was still running the show. When he came to a decision there was no changing his mind.

Soldier Boy wants to wipe that smirk off of her face.

“And why the fuck would they vouch for you?” he demanded to know, crossing his arms.

Legend was going to answer the question, but Mimicry lifted her hand to him to stop him from further saying anything.

“You will have to wait and see, but in the mean time wouldn’t it be wise for us to take a look at our prospects?” she questioned. Soldier Boy took a look around. There was other Supes around, but none of them were like him. He was one of a kind, but out of this selection he and Vought will pick out who is fit for Payback. Any of these Supes can show off to him, but the true test is when they are in a fight. All of this fancy, show and tell bullshit means nothing. That’s why he did not bother in interacting with any of these people.

“We could also take this chance and get to know each other,” and right away Mimicry’s hand trailed up his arm. Hook, line, and sinker. Soldier Boy stared at her hand feeling his muscles. He smirked and agreed. “Who am I to deny a beautiful lady that courtesy?”

Mimicry flashed him a smile this time. Her hand snaked down and she linked it with his bicep.

They walked towards the bar. She took a seat down on one of the empty bar stools while Soldier Boy remained standing, but he leaned against the counter. He ordered a drink for himself and Mimicry. “Wow, Soldier Boy is a gentleman? I am honored to see it firsthand,” she teased. Soldier Boy snickered. His choice at the moment was whiskey on the rocks.

“I do have to ask though. Why am I getting champagne?” she asked, tilting her head. She pouted her lips in a teasing way.

“Whiskey is a little strong for you. You won’t be able to hold your liquor,” he answered. He took another sip but before he could finish it Mimicry’s hand wrapped around his hand that held the cup. She finished the whiskey for him. His lips parted ways slightly. Mimicry used her finger to wipe away the excess that fell on her lips. After doing that she sucked on her fingers, and Soldier Boy felt himself stare at her finger and then the lips.

“Don’t underestimate a woman, Mr. Soldier Boy.” He knew damn well to not underestimate her. Mimicry turned away from Soldier Boy and watched the crowd. There was a lot of chatter going around, soft piano melodies being played in the background, and Supes showing off their power.

“So, who has grabbed your attention?” Mimicry asked.

You, he answered in his mind.

Picking out team members was the last thing on his mind at this very moment, but if it will please this woman then so be it. He looked around and pointed out a few. Every time he pointed someone out there was a look of disapproval in her eyes. Soldier Boy was unsure if it was exciting to see her react this way or concerned at the fact that she was not pleased with none of his answers.

“Are you thinking with your brain or your cock?”

Soldier Boy let out a laugh, “don’t sound too jealous now.” Mimicry rolled her eyes. Oh, what he would do to get this woman to roll her eyes back for him. She is intriguing, confident, bold, and a tease. As much as he did not appreciate women talking back her attitude was heartwarming to him.

Mimicry pointed out a few and Soldier called her out on them. He claims most, if not all, are idiots. He still thinks he should be the sole captain and pick his own damn team.

“Oh no, I am not a captain and we are not going to be co-captains either. You don’t need to worry about that. Just think of me as your first member of Payback and the most loyal one,” she assured. Her hand went up his arm. Her finger trailing up and down. Soldier Boy stared, “there is one way you can show me you’re really loyal” he whispered. Mimicry smirked again and leaned close to his lips.

“As long as I have your sole attention for the rest of this party I am more than happy to demonstrate” she whispered back and looked into his eyes. Soldier Boy was centimeters away from closing the gap to her lips, but someone interrupted. His irritation was shown.

“The hell you want?” he asked. The woman smiled and extended her hand to him. She’s Crimson Countess. Soldier Boy hated her already for her timing. He was already planning in shrugging her off, but Mimicry entertained her. They spoke and got along well.

“You are a pretty thing. Don’t you think so, Soldier Boy?” Mimicry asked. She touched Crimson Countess’ hair. Soldier Boy diverted his attention to the redhead. Countess was not ugly, but she was nowhere near close to Mimicry. Though for the sake of it he played along and agreed. Crimson Countess’ introduction had opened the door for other Supes to jump in the conversation. Soldier Boy tried to keep the conversations short and dry, though Mimicry entertained each and every one of them.

Mimicry knew what she was doing. She no longer looked his way, and let alone give him attention. It had felt like hours, and Soldier Boy reached his breaking point. He moved away from the bar and went to find the two girls from earlier. Mimicry was mid conversation with Supes, but her eyes followed Soldier Boy. For the rest of the night they no longer spoke to each other. Though their eyes would meet. They were on opposite ends, but they knew when the other was staring.

The party was over, and Mimicry had a head start in unpacking her belongings in Vought American’s housing facility. Each year the company would grow and expand. They hope that one day the company would become big enough they are the tallest building in New York surpassing the Empire State Building.

Mimicry unpacked the rest of her belongings and anticipated someone’s arrival soon. On cue, there was a knock at the door.

“If it isn’t the man of the hour,” she teased. Soldier Boy did not wait for her to invite him in. He moved past her and began to remove his clothes.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard, you little tease.” He was going to keep this promise. Mimicry wanted to interrupt him but he was quick to slam his lips against her’s. She kissed him back for a second, but attempted to stop. Soldier Boy was so deep into the kiss he was not lighting up. She attempted to pull away but his strength kept her in place.

Mimicry closed her eyes and let her hands rest on his shoulder. When it was time she used Soldier Boy’s own strength to push him off. He hit against the wall and fell to the floor.

“What the fuck?!” he yelled. He was not sure what pissed him off more, her pushing him away or the fact she was able to throw him back as hard as she did.

“Don’t be angry with me, you did not keep your end of the bargain.”

Soldier Boy wanted to argue that she did it on purpose. He was so frustrated that she was not giving him attention so he went somewhere else to get it. That was the entire point of the agreement. He failed, so he won’t be able to sleep with her tonight.

“And what kind of strength do you have?!”

Mimicry scoffed and put her hands on her hips. “Does the name not ring a bell? Mimicry? Mimic?” His handsome features makes up for partial intelligence. It clicked to Soldier Boy when she put it that way. That explains why Vought American wanted her to help him with the team. She can potentially be his equal.

“I am too tired for this, could we discuss this tomorrow? I am sure there is plenty of other women that can get your dick wet.” There was no time for argument as she opened the door and motioned for him to get out. Soldier Boy clenched his jaw. He grabbed his clothes and walked out with all the dignity he had. He did not give a fuck who would stare at his sculpted figure.

This is not over, Soldier Boy vowed.

When next day came around Stan Edgar requested a meeting with Soldier Boy and Mimicry. Apparently, he went ahead and chose the members of Payback.

Swatto.

Gunpowder.

Crimson Countess.

TNT twins.

Mindstorm.

Black Noir.

“I like the selection,” Mimicry stated, there was an optimism in her tone that irritated Soldier Boy. This might be the worst selection ever, but apparently he had no say in this matter anymore. This was angering him, last night made him angry, and seeing how she was so unfazed made it worse.

“Whatever, as long as they have enough fucking brain cells to know what they’re doing.” He really didn’t want to be here, and seeing Mimicry practically gloat in his face made it worse. Of course he found other females that he fucked, but he didn’t want to fuck them. He wanted to fuck Mimicry and now that he had a taste of her lips he wanted more.

Stan Edgar, Soldier Boy, and Mimicry discussed the portfolios of each member and how they will contribute to the team. Edgar asked Soldier Boy and Mimicry to get to know the team, and learn to work together. Mimicry agreed, and it took awhile to persuade Soldier Boy but she managed.

The rest of the team was invited into the briefing room, Soldier Boy stood front and center, and Mimicry stood behind him on his right hand side. Soldier Boy believed the best way to get to know the rest of the team is the training grounds. Instead of going against him they’ll be going toe to toe with Mimicry. Not only was he going to test them, but he will be testing her.

Training began, and Mimicry moved around quickly like a snake. She ducked and dodged, and did everything to avoid getting hit. Just how it happened with him a single touch to a Supe and she observes their power. It was hilarious to see each member lose to Mimicry using their own power. The only one to give her struggle was Black Noir, but eventually she got the upper hand. The one who did not last long at all against her was Crimson Countess who had horrible aim.

By the time training ended the members of Payback were beaten and out of breath. Even Mimicry needed to sit down and control her breathing.

“Alright, guys! That was great, except their was one tiny problem,” Soldier Boy pointed out, the fake optimism in his voice bleeding through. His smile left very quickly, “all of you are fucking horrible.”

Whatever illusions and dreams the rest of the team had of Soldier Boy had crumbled. The way most, if not all Supes, held this man on a high pedestal only to come and find out the kind of man he truly is. Instead of giving the team some encouraging words or even wisdom they were humiliated, disrespected, and bad mouthed. Mimicry was not phased nor did she feel this was targeted to her.

When Soldier Boy was done the team was kicked out except for Mimicry. “You shouldn’t take out your anger on the team if it’s about last night.” Mimicry pointed out. Soldier Boy scoffed,

“This has nothing to do with last night. I don’t even know what you are talking about. After I left your place I found myself in a threesome. Phew, best thing to come out of yesterday”

Mimicry looked amused. Her eyebrows went up and she nodded her head. “You were in a threesome and yet your panties are in a twist?” Mimicry knew she was pushing his buttons. “Shut up,” he told her. Mimicry smirked. “Make me.”

His annoyance was showing and yet Mimicry just kept pushing. Soldier Boy stared at her, he noticed the way her smirk turned into a mischievous smile.

“You want to laugh about something? Come on then,” he moved towards the center where the members of Payback were training. “Let’s see if you can hit me.”

Mimicry let out a laugh and nodded, “fine, but don’t get pissed when you lose.” Soldier Boy chose to ignore her comment. She got into a fighting stance and right away he launched himself at her.

Mimicry had done her best to get a hold of him, but he knew better than to let her touch him. Without her powers she was completely useless. The only way Soldier Boy got a hold of Mimicry is by grabbing her wrists. Soldier Boy threw Mimicry across the room and she let out a yelp.

He was about to celebrate his victory until he heard Mimicry crying and whimpering. Shit, Vought and Edgar are not going to like that he broke her.

“Let me take you to the doctor. Where does it hurt?” he asked. He knelled to carry her, but his guard came crashing down. Seeing an opportunity Mimicry put her hands on his face and in an instant observed his power. She wasted no time in pushing Soldier Boy off with his own strength and got back up.

He was livid and was throwing punches at her all because he can. He was no longer thinking logical, and yet, she was. Mimicry slid in between his legs and got a hold of his shield. It was lightweight for her, and without a thought she swung it at him and he fell.

Soldier Boy let out profanities. He held onto his side for a moment, trying to ease the pain, and when it lowered he propped his elbows to look at her. Mimicry got close and smiled.

“Don’t get mad now, Mr. Soldier Boy” she teased. He scoffed and rolled his eyes. Now her guard was down. He grabbed her ankles and dropped her. She gasped at his sudden movement. So she does not get the upper hand at the moment he laid on top of her, and held her wrists together. Mimicry tried to fight against him, but he tightened his grip.

“Okay, fine fine. You won this round. All better now?” Mimicry asked, giving up in fighting him. Even with the beating she still remained a pain in the ass. If this is the beginning he wonders what else is in store for them.

“Call me Ben.”

Mimicry was taken back, and decided against teasing him. “You can just call me Mimi.”

They looked into each other’s eyes and stayed there. They weren’t sure how much time passed, and no one went looking for them either.

“Maybe it’s time we get up from the floor,” she whispered. Ben agreed, but neither Mimicry or himself attempted to get up. If anything their faces got closer.

“We need to keep this professional. Whatever happens there will be no attachment” she warned him, “I can’t have you falling for me now. What would people think of the Soldier Boy?”

Christ on a cross, he really wanted her to shut up. He kept telling himself that his goal was to get in her pants and move on to the next. Ben leaned down and kissed her. Her hands cupped his face and then she removed the back. His hair was soft against her fingers and she tugged on it. They did not care who was going to see, or who would walk in on them. Ben was not going to develop feelings. He did not do feelings, nor relationships. Women only served one purpose, and he has always taught himself that he is better off on his own. The only way to survive is to only trust himself.

If only he knew that the moment they sealed the kiss, Mimicry was going to become the bane of his existence.

Next Chapter: Chapter Four

Author's Note: Okay! So we got Ben and Mimicry's meeting for the first time. Some chapters will revolve around the past, but the main focus is the present time. I just want you all to keep in mind how Ben is with Mimicry, and how it is reflected with the reader. Thank you guys again <3

I am tagging everyone, but I am not sure if all of you are getting notified! Please let me know if you are not. I am more than happy to send each and every one of you a personal message when I update! :)

Tagged List: @seven709 @sadpods @mayafatimakhan @justiceforquentin @ultracarpediemfan @bitchykittenconnoisseur @spacecowgirl126 @ultraviolencexs @deans-spinster-witch @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @manicjk @demodemo909 @robertthehoover @riah1606 @onlyangel-444 @cunningboyouare @posiemax

[spockandawe]

Oh, this is interesting. To me. I'm not sure it's interesting to anyone else! But I'm on my computer for once and FULL of words again, and I'm delighted to talk to myself given half an excuse.

So, I made a post about Long Live Evil! Because I cracked open the book and was absolutely taken aback by how transparently it seemed to be an SVSSS reskin. I wrote up a goodreads thing (it's whatever, I'm going to rehash the main points here too), because I was also full of words and beans after finishing the book yesterday, and after polling online friends, I was surprised to see that the comparison didn't seem to have organically occurred to anyone else, when it was so naked to me. I know there’s a TON of transmigration and isekai stories out in the universe, and pointing at one single book was a big claim, so I just had to assemble all my thoughts! I find this so interesting! And I reblogged my initial one-off post with a little more elaboration about some of the things that jumped out at me, then got on with live and went back to chipping at ORV and GHG, and shotgunned MADK this afternoon.

This is a subtle nod and a wink to my passionate love for these kind of... morally grey main characters! Calling them villains might be a bit much, I don't think there are many true villain protagonists out there (LLE included), and even Devil Venerable has a demonic cultivator who's doing demonic shit and killing loads of people... but with the ultimate balance of the heavens and earth as his priority. This kind of story is my jam. I was recced this book on the basis of transmigration and sketchy protagonists being my thing. I can't rightfully call SVSSS the best cnovel I've ever read, but it is my favorite. And I've probably reread it more times than any other cnovel.

So, that SRB post, huh? I put Long Live Evil behind me, and honestly even following up on the sequel is mmmmmdoubtful, but THIS snagged my attention again. First, the comparisons she's calling out as incorrect are wild to me. Draco and Harry? What? Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian?? (I had to ponder that one for a hot minute, but I bet you anything it's about 'the golden cobra' and 'the last hope' and that's just silly, they're not wangxian, they're MOSHANG)

I was recced LLE in one friend group, but I had an anti-rec from my book club friend group. My book club friend hadn't been at all impressed by it! And she's cool, and I talk up svsss and mxtx to that crowd every so often, without really expecting them to read it. I talk about transmigration as a plot device that I love, and the things that can be done with it! But with that connection in mind between the books, as I started LLE, I was jokingly defending the honor of SVSSS to this crowd, so I admit I was primed to recognize similarities.

I really truly did not make it far in the book before locking it down. I was getting vibes basically from the moment Rae started gushing about her problematic fictional fave, I referenced 95% certainty shortly after she makes the jump to the fictional universe, the golden cobra was 98%, Lia Mingyan's, I mean Liu Mingyan's lack of sex scenes was 99%, and the first pov section for Marius-jun was where I gave up and called it as a sure thing.

It'll be very funny if I'm wrong! I don't think I'm wrong.

Plenty of spoilers to follow, because I identified this inspiration early, I guessed basically every plot twist early, I don't have the patience to dance around spoilers while explaining how it all lines up.

Now, I said this elsewhere, but it bears repeating: I don't think this is plagiarism. I think it's tasteless to accuse an author of stealing and repurposing characters to her face. But I think it's also tasteless to repurpose characters as nakedly as happened here! Again? If I'm wrong? That's why I'm talking to myself on my blog and not messaging her directly (?????? who even does that). What are the stakes for me being wrong here? I look like a clown online? That would be terrible, I've never done that before! It's not a crime to write in ways I find distasteful. It's not a crime to write a book I think is not good, even apart from the use of fictional influences. But I like talking about my feelings online, and I can't be stopped!

But there's two aspects of this that make me somewhat uncomfortable in a less fun way. Both are contingent on the big IF. If this is inspired by svsss, I think it's not a classy move to take a Chinese story in a Chinese setting, inspired by the modern Chinese literary scene and classical Chinese fantasy, and just dump the characters into a generic western setting. Fanfic? Have fun and try to be respectful. Profic, making money off it? Ehhhhh. The question of how much change is necessary is a tricky one! It's not one I'm equipped to answer, this is not my wheelhouse or my place to speak. But it doesn't make me feel good!

However, here's where I have more personal stake:

Again, if this is inspired by svsss. It really doesn't feel great to see a queer story (a smash hit in more than one country!) stripped down for parts and made into a heterosexual story. It's not all heterosexual, we get side lesbians, we get men with homoerotic tension. But the central ship is now a guy and a girl. And it... stings a little extra, because in the story of svsss, the idea of assumptions about default (hetero)sexuality are such a central theme. A queer man has written a trashy, oversexed stallion novel where the hottest guy in the universe collects the hottest women like pokemon, and it sells so much better than the more personal stories he tried to write. He has to write this pandering trash to make money to live, he can't live on the more authentic stories he tried to tell before. The protagonist is the projection of his own insecurities and self-hate, and the protagonist's right hand man is his projection of his own ideal man. Another man transmigrates into the book, assuming that he himself is straight, assuming the protagonist is straight, and the force of their love changes the course of the entire narrative. In retrospect, it's upsetting to see those load-bearing themes casually carved out of the story and the hollowed-out remains used like this.

Anyways, in their place, now we've got running gags about how the heroine's tits are BIGHUGE now and she can't keep her balance because her GIANT HONKERS keep tipping her over.

I'm a little more bothered than I was yesterday! On the other hand, since I saw SRB's post, I've been chewing on that central ship. Full disclosure, it was one of my favorite aspects of the novel! My other favorite aspect is the dynamic between the golden cobra and the last hope (the moshang, which I think some people misdiagnosed as wangxian).

I know that the central ship here is the thing that's LEAST comparable to svsss, and the biggest roadblock in the way of my theory. On the other hand, I think it was the thing that HAD to change if this story was going to repurpose svsss without getting called out for being a classic 'bro can i copy your homework' adventure.

For this section, let's assume that I'm right and let's roleplay an author trying to figure out how to change Bingqiu into something not-obviously-Bingqiu. How do we need to differentiate Rae and Key from Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe.

First, we eliminate the martial sect thing. Easy peasy! That's a wuxia concept, and this book goes full nondescript western fantasy. She's not his teacher, he's not her student. And if she's not his teacher and he's not her student, why does this woman have power over this man, to build up the resentment that inspires him to turn the tables on her later? Well, in nondescript western fantasy, she's a noblewoman of some kind, and he's a servant of some kind. Noble lady treats servant like garbage, servant resents her. Doing great.

And to loop back around to the beginning of this a little, I think it really is key to this reskinning that Rae is a SHE. If the central ship remained queer, it would be so, so hard to pull away from the most identifiable thematic aspects of svsss. And pieces of what remain are... kind of bizarre for a normie heterosexual ship where our protagonist is aware that she's transmigrated into an impossibly desirable sexpot character!

Shen Qingqiu never considers that Luo Binghe might be interested in him because Luo Binghe is about to have a HAREM of beautiful women, he's the most heterosexual man of all time, and Shen Qingqiu is straight too! Besides, Shen Qingqiu is his teacher! He half-raised Luo Binghe! Even if Luo Binghe was bent, he wouldn't be interested in an old man like Shen Qingqiu!

Rae is 20, occupying a 24-year-old body. Her character's sexiness is relentlessly remarked upon from start to finish. Key is 18. Why is Rae so sure that he looks up to her as... a mentor, as an older woman? He almost goes down on her! He makes out with her! And she's like 'ah yes, it means nothing. lol. so funny how these things happen.' Bruh, at least after Luo Binghe kissed Shen Qingqiu, Shen Qingqiu finally got hit with the clue stick. Binghe didn't try to blow him only for Shen Qingqiu to keep noodling on about how Binghe definitely isn't into him in any sense, even the most oblivious man in the universe managed to catch on.

Why doesn’t Rae think there’s any chance of genuine attraction here? Yeah, I get that she's coming back from terminal cancer. She's doing great. She knows that the fictional character she occupies is one of the most desirable ladies in the land. He’s a teenager. He’s not expressing disinterest. A lack of horny for sexy lady ought to be more surprising for her. But I guess she’s slightly older than him and that small age gap has been magnified by the transmigration, so she conceptualizes herself only as his teacher, I mean mentor.

I’m not even mad at this dynamic. I love their chemistry, the ‘boss’ thing is cute, but lordt, I have to wonder if it’s meant to substitute for ‘shizun.’ But you know where this comparison really falls apart? Key isn’t really THAT much Luo Binghe.

At least, he isn’t in terms of personality. I mean, we’ve got the mysterious magical heritage, the healing factor, the unbeatable fighting skills, being beaten repeatedly because of the protagonist (tbh it’s sexier when she’s responsible, rather than just being a bystander), being yeeted into the abyss, I mean the ravine, to rise again and assume power as the merciless ruler of all the land. Oh, and he comes back from the dead still bearing the scar that represents her betrayal. In the original novel, he turned on her the moment he got his opening and was responsible for coming up with her gruesome torment.

(Also, Shen Qingqiu being terminally ill isn’t canon, but it’s very popular fanon, and it’s hard to ignore that with how hard the narrative lingers over Rae’s terminal illness as her gateway into this fictional world)

But! But the things that are different! Luo Binghe is a smart and sweet teenager, who had a rough start on the streets and has a tragically deceased single adoptive parent, but that’s their only backstory parallel, he doesn’t blacken until he’s thrown into the abyss. Not like Key, Key is a murder-happy sociopath, a former street kid who fought the odds and made good, and who’s a lot sharper and cleverer than the upper classes think someone like him should be. He utterly destroyed a righteous cultivator clan, I mean glassblowing guild, for the sake of revenge. Once our heroine scores a number of trust points with him, we unlock secret backstory about how as a small child, he experienced deeply formative hand trauma.

He’s Xue Yang.

It took me a moment to process the wangxian allegations SRB mentions in her post, because I was trying to figure out how someone would be aware of wangxian, and read that backstory, and somehow miss it. But it’s fine, I’m pretty sure they were actually talking about the golden cobra and the last hope! So LET’S TALK MOSHANG.

It was so funny. I was liveblogging the book to friends, because honestly, I do not jive with the buffy-esque joss whedon relentless quip-quip-quip writing style. I was struggling to stay engaged when the narrative never took a moment to breathe. And I perked up at the introduction of this new character! He seemed kind of fun, kind of meta, Key came over to share Secret Info with him, and I messaged the friend who recced this to me (also an svsss appreciator) ‘lol, what if he’s shang qinghua. just straight from svsss shang qinghua.'

Reader, a second transmigrator has hit the narrative.

Now, in some ways, he’s a disappointment to me. He’s not nearly as interesting as Shang Qinghua. Adding the author to their own narrative is way more fascinating to me than just dropping a rando into the story. But I’ll take what I can get, I think multiple transmigrators are almost always a fun decision. And for the queer reasons I mentioned above, I think Shang Qinghua ties into the themes of his novel a lot more strongly than Eric does here. I don’t want to call him ‘the golden cobra’ every time, I get more self-conscious every time I write it. And honestly, the reveal of Eric’s full Eric Whatever name feels a little awkward and… pointed compared to the sheer opacity of Shang Qinghua’s existence. Never mind what his name was in the real world, we don’t even know his name before he was a Peak Lord. I’m not upset we got a name or anything, it would make certain fannish activities a lot easier if Shang Qinghua had additional canon names, but it was an interesting detail in light of how parallel the characters are.

Okay! He’s not the author! He’s still a super-fan. He transmigrated into the book years before the LLE main character, and has settled in pretty well. According to canon as Rae knows it, he’s fated to be killed by his own favorite character. He’s fast-thinking and fast-talking, and scattered and all over the place, but dangerous when cornered and more competent than he looks. He deals in information and manages a network of spies. He’s a creative! He and the main character banter relentlessly and get along like a house on fire. He and the king’s trusted ice-cold right hand man share a weird codependent dynamic that’s part hostile, part homoerotic.

Marius has complicated feelings about not-shang-qinghua. Eric is a coward, he’d rather talk fast and lie than stand up for anything, he cowers and cringes and isn’t honorable. He and Mobei-jun also shared a deeply formative experience in their youth, where as a teenager in distress, Eric/Shang Qinghua appeared before them and announced their devotion. In Shang Qinghua’s case, it was offering to serve him (and saving him from huan hua injuries), and in Eric’s case, it was declaring him to be his favorite character (and saving him from sad teenaged isolation), but man. And in the end, after a long, fraught relationship, Marius/Mobei-jun is furious and strangely distraught when Eric/Shang Qinghua abandons him.

Guys, it’s not wangxian.

I think it hits less hard when Marius’s themes of family violence aren’t allowed to sit directly in the narrative, and when it seems like some vague berserker rage thing rather than Linguang-jun just bluntly wanting to murder him for practical reasons, but hey! This was still, genuinely, one of my favorite parts of the story. I wanted more more more of them, I would read this moshang au any day.

After that, the parallels get a little more nebulous! The comparisons between the abyss and the ravine are pretty obvious. I’m not sure why we decided to build our city and palace right on top of the pit of people-eating ghouls rather than literally anywhere else, but it means we don’t need to take a special field trip to Jue Di Gorge, which means we can do the bait and switch where it turns out Key was a heavenly demon all along. The temperamental King Octavian, the young master of the palace, one might even say the xiao gongzhu if they were feeling spicy, jealously tries to romantically monopolize half our main ship and has the other half flogged with a magic whip.

I already mentioned that Rae brings up that Liu Mingyan — wait, I said I’d change some answers so it wasn’t obvious I copied — Lia doesn’t get a sex scene in the books even though loads of other people did, just like Shen Qingqiu praises Liu Mingyan for her untouchable image in such an oversexed, gratuitous book. I don’t think it would be right to call Liu Mingyan a white lotus heroine in either SVSSS or PIDW, but her archetype is in that wheelhouse, and Lia is just a white lotus rival played straight (and played deliberately, another touch I liked). We don’t have made up animals like black moon rhinoceros pythons in LLE, but we do have leucrotas, which are like a lion and a hyena and serve no narrative purpose.

Oh, you know what else I forgot to mention? Rae gives Key one of her red ruby earrings, and he refuses to sell it, and stubbornly holds onto it until the bitter end. Is this Xue Yang holding onto the last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen gave him, or is it Hua Cheng determinedly keeping Xie Lian’s red coral earring with him even through his own death? Por que no los dos?

There are things that are original in here. I know that this presentation undersells how much of the book is original. The trouble is, almost everything I thought was good is something that either was lifted from another person’s creative endeavors, or is being tainted by association with all the other naked lifts. Some of the noble ladies have an archery contest! That’s pretty new and fresh, huh? We didn’t have any archery contests in SVSSS!

Yeah, but we sure did in MDZS. And MDZS is already in play, because we’ve already got one character who’s just copy and paste Xue Yang.

There’s a thermocline of trust in this book that fell off for me sharply, and it turned a lot of this into a guessing game of ‘wait NOW what the refrance? owo'

I’m probably on a hair trigger by now, but I’ve also probably missed some things. And I’m sure this is a synthesis of multiple influences, because most stories are. But this feels like cooking and trying to season your dish with a little salt and then the container lid just falls off.

Emer isn’t a clear parallel to an existing character! Love that for her! Love a lady with an axe, especially if she gets a nice girlfriend! On the other hand, in terms of backstory? Wow, she’s been raised with our protagonist since early childhood, as not-quite-foster-siblings, but she was always the clear unfavorite and harbors a lot of resentment over that. Oh, and once Rae entered the story, Rae started trying to speedrun an enemies to 'hello hiiii we should bestiessss' arc with her. I think she had to have an axe, because a whip or a sword would make the Jiang Cheng and/or Liu Qingge vibes a little uncomfortably strong. She doesn’t follow their character arcs! But the disappointing thing is that it felt like she was just there to facilitate pasting the frankenstein patchwork of the narrative together rather than having an arc of her own.

(why did Marius stop to give her a sword lesson? Why did she immediately sneak onto the roof to eavesdrop on the king?? It’s hard to give her credit for being an original character when none of her original actions make sense in the greater universe)

Oh, I almost forgot, we’ve even got magic plot macguffin plants. While Binghe is in the abyss, Shen Qingqiu needs to get the Sun And Moon Dew Flower Seed so he can build an escape hatch for himself before Binghe wrecks his shit. Rae, on the other hand, needs to secure the Flower of Life and Death by an arbitrary deadline as an escape hatch so she can go back to her original life rather than being trapped here forever. Very different! There’s even little side tangents about how these plants can be so beneficial to others, Zhuzhi-lang is desperately trying to secure a seed to build a new body for Tianlang-jun (which Shen Qingqiu enables him to do, despite not knowing what he wants it for), and Rae thinks about how the flower could “save someone on the very doorstep of death,” and gives it away for that exact purpose. So different!

I need to cut myself off, otherwise I’ll keep going. Truly, there is original content in here. It was just all the stuff I didn’t like. The character quipping was. God. There sure was a lot of it! By sheer volume, that’s a lot of original content. Some of the extended cast was interesting, I enjoyed the Horrors and their brothers, I liked Valencia. Now, I didn’t like how basically every girl ADULT WOMAN in this cast was in shitty teen mean girl mode. I didn’t like how immature every character interaction period was. I lost track of how many times Rae was going around in sexy clothes and rando servants were like “HARLOT,” out loud about a favored noblewoman, you know, as you do. Especially when her bodyguard is pulling against his choke chain just waiting for an excuse to do a murder. I don’t need Rae to be the picture of flawless maturity. But nobody is mature, full stop, not even the set dressing servants.

For a less loaded example, the cumplane friendship dynamic is here, practically intact. Shen Qingqiu can't snipe about authorial choices, because Eric isn't the author, so instead Rae and Eric squabble about favorite scenes and favorite ships and such. But it isn't nearly as charming when we don't see these two characters dropping their dignified Peak Lord cultivator roleplay to talk shit with each other. Rae and Eric never have a filter once in this book. They are always Like This, it isn't a secret face that gets unlocked when they're bouncing off each other, they are never circumspect, never have a filter, never have any idea they shouldn't be speaking their full thoughts at full volume 24/7. Even after this starts to have material consequences when they're inevitably overheard! It's an immersion-breaking level of immaturity, which is terribly frustrating when the original dynamic that I loved is only changed in such minor ways.

And another thing that actually tastes way more sour than it did on first reading – Valencia is probably the least mean girl of all the women in the cast. She’s delightful. Too bad that in every scene but her last one, Rae, who repeatedly references her own experiences having her body and appearance ravaged by cancer, cannot for love or money stop talking about how uggo Valencia is.

I know this is an adult novel. The characters are, by age, adults. There’s almost an oral scene. God, I wish we’d gotten the oral scene. But by every other metric, the characters are all high schoolers and I’m an exhausted adult muttering to myself ‘they’ll grow out of it, please GOD let them grow out of it.’

Again, none of this is a crime! Nobody forced me to finish the book! And I did enjoy the book. Parts of it! But that very distinct partial enjoyment experience almost forced me to dissect my own emotional response. And truly, other than a few flashes like Valencia, almost everything I enjoyed about the book was something I could trace directly back to one author, and mostly to one book by that one author. I… enjoyed half of the book. And if I can track most of that half back to mxtx and svsss, I really think that says something about how much wasn’t done to make the inspiration behind this book the author’s own.

It's disappointing! I read this book because I like svsss, I read it because I want more books like svsss, I read it because I trawl the novelupdates tags looking for more books that will hit me the way svsss did. It doesn’t taste good to be served reheated svsss with expired buffy sauce drizzled on top. It tastes even less good once I have a minute to think about what turning an m/m meditation on sexuality and self-image and assumptions about others into a m/f snooze does to the themes I loved so much. It stings to see an author rehash a book that was/is so important to me, and see what they kept and what they threw out, and be like ‘oh, so… these were the elements that mattered to you?’

Again, I hate to be redundant with this, but. I think calling this book plagiarism would be overdoing it. I think it’s tasteless. I don’t think being tasteless is a crime. It remains wild to me that she’s getting messages calling out her supposed inspiration, even if I’m simultaneously criticizing the judgment of the people making those specific comparisons. And I ABSOLUTELY understand why she’s reluctant to own up to the specific inspirations behind this book, because good lord. If it was me, I’d be professionally embarrassed too.

It’s not my job to be the book quality police, but I think someone as experienced as this should be able to do a better job of synthesizing inspirations into something original. I dropped ‘can’t afford to offend my scheming disciple’ earlier this year, because that narrative couldn’t shake the taste of stale svsss fanfic, and it was much more subtle than this is. Once again, if I’m wrong, this post will be retroactively VERY funny and I’ll be all ears to see what her inspirations actually were. I don’t think I’m wrong.

[venusmage]

Commission/Life update for 2024

EDIT 4/30/25

Progress is still happening! I've finished several large orders since the last update. As always, feel free to reach out to me with concerns and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I'll be taking May 2025 off completely from coms as I'm finishing the school semester. Thankfully I'm not taking summer classes THIS year so commissions work will start again on June 1st.

The best days to reach me are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at the moment. Otherwise it might take me a day or so to get back to you. I work on my own projects on the weekends to preserve my sanity, lol! Just know if I'm drawing something else, I haven't forgotten my queue!

------

Original post:

Just want everyone to know I AM okay now and life has gotten better recently. However the past year and a half have been extremely difficult and I'm only now getting back on my feet. I generally don't like sharing life details publicly, but as a freelancer with clients that have been waiting for a while I feel like transparency is key.

If you don't want an explanation for the delays and just want to know my completion timeline, that's totally okay. Here is all the info up front. I'm going to continue updating my commission queue as usual and will not be accepting any more orders until ALL of the queue is completed. I'm working on finishing the half and full bodies first since they've been the longest waiting in queue. Then the rest. I don't have a set date in mind for when they'll be all done for good but the goal is by the end of the year. I think that's more than doable for me now. If you're a client of mine and have questions/concerns, please message me either here or on Discord and I'll do my best to help you. My username on discord is the same as my Tumblr username. Twitter and Ko-Fi are also options but I don't check them as frequently. I usually work Monday-Thursday so that will be the best time to shoot me a message or expect an update to the queue.

Information on what's been going on is below.

CW for mentions of death, financial hardship and homophobia.

As a few of you might remember, in 2019 I was disowned by my mother for being a lesbian. I made the choice to go no-contact. Since then, up until LAST YEAR, she's routinely harassed me or had other family harass me, stalked me on social media, tried to get to me through the website I take commission orders, and threatened me multiple times. I was forced to move across the country both because I felt unsafe and because my partner had family elsewhere that were more accepting. I've had to change my phone number twice.

It's been extremely difficult both financially and mentally to keep my head above water. In 2021 my grandfather died and I still haven't felt like I've been able to properly grieve. I wasn't able to see him due to her and I wasn't invited to his funeral. We were very close and he meant the world to me. In 2023 my grandmother passed away very suddenly as well, and my mother used it as an excuse to harass me over ko-fi/my professional email. It was such a horrific experience that I fell into a months long spiral that I only just now feel like I'm climbing out of. This is when commissions first stalled. I was also starting to get overwhelmed, as I had to take on more work than I could realistically handle in order to pay bills and rent. That's really it - I just had to take more orders so we weren't kicked out of our apartment, and as my mental state deteriorated I couldn't keep up.

The good news is that my wife and moved earlier this year we're living with supportive(!) family now and our financial burden is much lighter. This gives me time to work on my backlog without re-opening. I'm also going to school again, back in college starting this summer for a second degree. For my own health after commissions are finished I'm likely going to take a break on opening them for a good while, even though I really enjoy doing them.

In the past two months amazing and not-amazing things have happened. The amazing thing is I got an ADHD diagnosis, something I didn't even know had been ruining my life for years. I'm still getting used to the proper medications but I'm already seeing a big improvement. It's as much of a relief as it is frustrating. My mother also reared her head again (like she usually does at least once a year) - this time, though, I learned she'd had a stroke. While I'm not involved with her anymore, I think most people could understand how it would still be a very weird and upsetting situation. As of right now I'm free of her once again, she seems to be making a good recovery and will hopefully continue to live a happy life far away from me. Still, those two things back to back have been a LOT to deal with on top of just trying to get better in general. I stepped away from the internet for a while for my own sanity.

The downside to being a freelancer is that there's not always a safety net. That's what happened to me. Thank you all very much for being kind and patient, I genuinely have had nothing but polite interactions with all of you and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry my personal bullshit got in the way of getting my work done for you. This is the longest I've ever taken to complete commissions and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of. I promise they will get done. Being medicated and starting to recover from the family drama has revitalized me a bit. If you have any questions or concerns please reach out.

[beatinginavoid]

From the Deep

Every part of this room was custom built for one purpose. It was a purpose that many had believed would go unfulfilled. Yet here and now, the room was in use. The lights were dim, and reflected lights danced over the ceiling and some of the walls in mesmerising patterns, dancing and flickering endlessly.

The alluring light dance came from the ripples of the water that filled a massive tank. It took up the full length of one wall, a good thirty feet minimum. It was not quite fifteen feet tall, and contained no foliage or ornamentation, empty but for the water and one other thing.

A figure glided through the water. Sleek and swift, every motion it made caused more ripples on the surface.

The upper half of the figure resembled a young male human, while the lower half was that of a scaly tail with fins. A merman. A legend proven real.

He was a sight to behold.

He had been caught on the edges of the deep sea and seemed to live there. His body certainly suited that mostly unexplored area of the ocean, and what an intriguing body it was.

The merman’s entire body, from his short, wispy hair, to the very tips of his tail fin, was completely transparent. No muscles were visible, nor was there much of a skeletal figure to be seen beyond sharp teeth and a spine. Interestingly enough, no blood vessels could be seen, but every single internal organ, including the muscle that served as the heart, was completely on display.

Multiple cameras were focused on the tank, recording every movement, internal and external. This was groundbreaking new territory, history being made, and no one wanted to mess it up or miss a thing.

They only had one merman so they had to be incredibly careful.

There were thin, barely visible lines following the curves of what you assume are the ribs. The gills? The lungs resembled biology closer to a stingray or a shark, leaving more immediate space around the heart unlike a human, whose left lung hugged the muscle and partially hid it from sight. This was incredibly helpful for an unobstructed view of the epicentre of the cardiovascular system, especially for the excited medical staff that had access to this magnificent specimen.

Standing in front of the tank, the merman’s interest is caught right away and he lunges toward you. He smacks heavily into the glass, his shiny black eyes observing you unblinkingly, his head tilted in confusion as his hands lay flat against the tank wall. He floats to a stop upright, mimicking your posture.

The atria squeeze and his heart swells minutely before the ventricles twist a little and contract. The process repeats again and again, the pumping action fast and relentless. Throbthrobthrobthrobthrob. It’s so hard to look elsewhere because the motion is so hypnotic.

His heart appears to resemble a human’s so much, you can’t help but wonder if it sounds similar as well. A stethoscope was not an option, but there had to be a way.

Time slips by and you notice the rapid pace of his heart has slowed down significantly. Throb…throb…throb…throb…throb. You feel as if your own heart is trying to match it. Does his pulsing organ feel stronger than your own nestled in your chest?

Throb…throb…throb…throb-ob…throb…throb…

Was that a skip? Fascinating to witness!

Was it normal? Harmless? Indicative of a problem?

You scurry off to find help with your stethoscope problem, returning an hour later with a special microphone designed for underwater use. Such devices are used to record the sounds of dolphins and whales, and you hope it will be enough to pick up the merman’s heartbeat, especially if it ends up against his chest.

There’s a metal staircase at the far end of the tank and you ascend it. Leaning over and holding the microphone, the cord wrapped around a pole, above the water carefully, you lower it bit by bit. The microphone is attached to a box with a waveform metre and a speaker. It crackles and gurgles in a muted manner while it moves, the sound loudly reverberating around the mostly empty room.

You wedge the pole into place and resume your former spot before the tank. The microphone dangles in the water just above your eye line and your gaze quickly hones back in on the merman’s chest. The organic pump was still dutifully performing its sacred role, filling with blood and ejecting it to circulate around the rest of his body.

The mer himself gives you a cursory glance before hesitantly reaching out to the invader in his space. Fingers tipped with claws poke at it. Thuds ring out from the speaker and you smile.

He drifts closer to it, his face getting quite close. Fangs flash and the microphone screeches and groans as it is bitten. The mer lets it go quickly, jaw working open and closed a few times. It seems the taste, and maybe the texture, is not to his liking. A see-through hand grasps the microphone with surprising gentleness, creating a ruckus of awful, distorted noise.

Dexterous looking fingers inch their way up the microphone. A slender wrist follows, then a forearm and elbow. He continues to cautiously follow the cord higher and higher, and you bounce on your heels in eager anticipation as his chest finally draws level with the microphone.

Ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump…

There it is. What you’ve been waiting for.

The rhythm, the rate, the snap of valves, the distinct S1 and S2 sounds that make up the oh so familiar lub-dub. There is no way you would ever be able to distinguish this from a human’s regular heart sounds. This could be a major evolutionary find!

The merman freezes in place, his head tilting around. There were no visible ears but he was clearly listening to something. Could he hear the speaker projecting his sounds of life? After a few seconds he sucks in a sharp breath, holds it for a moment, and lets it out.

Ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump..ba-thump..ba-thumpba-thumpba-thumpbathumpbathumpbathumpbathumpbathumpba-thumpba-thumpba-thump..ba-thump..ba-thump..ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thumpathump…ba-thumpathump…ba-thumpathump…ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thumpathump…ba-thump…ba-thump…

His eyes are wide and he seemed as enthralled by the sound as you are. Several beats had visibly and audibly skipped and it had been an amazingly delightful experience for you. The acceleration and deceleration of that pulsing muscle was something that could keep your attention for hours.

Or until the call of nature became too much to ignore.

Your hand presses against your chest, your own heart meeting it with faint pushes as if determined to be a part of things.

Throbthrobthrobthrobthrobthrobthrob-

Ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump…ba-thump…

The fast pace of your heart feels weird as the merman’s restful beats fill the room. The two disparate rhythms seem to work together against all odds.

Human and mer stay in place, living in the moment.

-----

My first proper post on here and my first ever piece of cardiophile writing! 🫀🫀🫀 I hope you like it! I may make this mer an OC and play with him more...

pssst: will trade writing for art/anims

[kim-jongin-s]

svt fic rec (mostly nc-17; minwon, jeongcheol, wonchan, verkwan + other)

MINWON

"kisses leave bruises". lawyer!au, omegaverse: beta!ww, alpha!mg. twoshot, 22k. nc-17.

Wonwoo finds himself giving into Mingyu's little spiels, finding his arguments for taking on unlikely lawsuits rather convincing. Though, he's never made a request that is so outrageous that it's made him reconsider the younger's position as a junior associate.

Until tonight.

"my greed just might be the end of me (how lovely you are)". college!au, roommates: fwb!au. oneshot, 27k. nc-17.

Wonwoo likes to think that he and Mingyu get along really well. But one day, Mingyu decides to stop talking to him. In a last desperate attempt to save their friendship, Wonwoo makes simultaneously the best and worst decision of his life.

↳ "fantasize". college!au, rommates: fwb!au. oneshot, 26k. nc-17.

Mingyu dreams about his roommate. It all goes downhill from there.

"kiss the sky". college!au: professor!ww, student!mg. 11 chapters, 68k. nc-17.

Halfway through the semester, Professor Jeon Wonwoo has to pick up an extra class. One of the students in the class happen to be post-graduate student, Kim Mingyu.

"amhrán na farraige". historical!au, pirate!au, merman!ww. 14 chapters, 160k. nc-17. ♡♡♡♡

Mistakes are like cannonballs, fired against a perfectly unmblemished mirror in slow motion. They obliterate peace and clarity, but the glass shards that fly around them are often more beautiful than what the mirror was before.

Someone has made a mistake, someone needs to fix it.

JEONGCHEOL

"my style, my ego". oneshot, 2k. nc-17.

jeonghan buys a skirt, and seungcheol really likes it.

"us alive, right here, feeling lucky". omegaverse: alpha!sc, omega!jh. oneshot, 3k. pg-13.

Most noticeably, Seungcheol’s quiet in a way that makes Jeonghan's teeth ache. His gums feel sensitive just like the way they get a few days before his heat. Hm, he thinks, studying Seungcheol from across the room.

"undeniable". oneshot, 3k. pg-13.

“—and all but how can we not mention the moment Jeonghan hyung laid down on Seungcheol hyung’s lap.”

/or what happened after Follow Again concert in Seoul Day 2, where The moment happened.

"kingdom come". omegaverse: alpha!sc, omega!jh, historical!au. oneshot, 5k. nc-17.

Four weeks after his husband dies, Jeonghan marries his husband’s brother. He loathes knowing that he has to swap his black mourning clothes for the wedding robes, but war looms over the kingdom and the country demands an heir.

"i thought that space was mine". 3 chapters, 25k. pg-13.

If Jeonghan was being completely, one hundred percent honest and transparent with himself, ever since they were young he had always thought Seungcheol was a little bit in love with him.

So when Seungcheol starts seeing someone, Jeonghan is suddenly faced with feelings he doesn’t know how to deal with.

WONCHAN

"strawberry tears". omegaverse: alpha!ww, omega!dn. oneshot, 8k. nc-17.

Chan applies scent blockers because it's what the doctors recommend. No one wants to smell a pregnant omega.

But then when it comes at the cost of Wonwoo's ability to navigate Chan's emotions—Chan falls apart, and Wonwoo holds him together.

"after class". college!au: professor!ww, student!dn. oneshot, 58k. nc-17. ♡

Chan signed up to be a TA for his favorite professor only to find that administration mixed up the paperwork. Now, he was stuck spending an academic year with the person he hated the most: Professor Jeon Wonwoo.

VERKWAN

"a cozy night in". omegaverse: omega!sk, alpha!vn. oneshot, 2k. pg-13.

When one (1) roommate asks Seungkwan to sleep elsewhere for the night, he must rely on one (1) Hansol Vernon Chwe's generosity as he migrates his evening plans (including a regular, ordinary nest).

"primadonna". au: camboy!sk, asmr artist!vn. oneshot, 60k. nc-17.

Seungkwan thinks Vernon is nothing but a two-faced asshole that plays the dedicated boyfriend on his OnlyFans, but in reality is nothing more than a playboy jerk. It's a bit ironic, really, considering Seungkwan's own hobby is completely at odds with his public reputation too.

SEOKSOON

"tiger inside". oneshot, 3.7k. nc-17.

He still isn't too sure how to explain it. Like, hey I know this was just a joke for our promotions, but I ended up buying that tiger suit you wanted to see me in, and I thought you might want me to fuck you in it, haha.

"fire, flame, your mouth like a hurricane". omegaverse: omega!hs, alpha!dk. nc-17.

Seokmin [7:00 PM]: Would you be mad if I said I dry humped your pillow?

OTHER

"place to land". seokhan. omegaverse: omega!jh, alpha!dk. oneshot, 6.6k. nc-17.

It’s natural. It’s simple, this thing they’ve built between themselves.

It's a line they don't cross.

"delayed". wonboo. omegaverse: omega!ww, alpha!sk. 5 chapters, 22k. nc-17.

Wonwoo presents 8 years late.

"chasing or being chased". wonwoo/hoshi/woozi. alpha!ww, alpha!hs, omega!wz. 7 chapters, 35k. nc-17.

Wonwoo's luck in love hits an all-time low when he discovers his two unrelated crushes are not only taken, but taken by each other.

Luck has a funny way of coming back around, though.

"down to our delicate bones". junhao. hunger games!au. 19 chapters, 98k. nc-17.

There were only seven slips with Minghao’s name on them in the bowl with thousands of others. He only had seven slips. It shouldn’t have been him.

[demonqueenart]

Hey Evie! You may not see this since you said you were considering taking a break, but I wanted to say it anyway: thanks for keeping the phandom honest. I'm glad you're here and I appreciate you posting that writeup from twitter as well - it's practical and actionable and I'll keep it in mind going forward. I hope dnp can see some of this and take it upon themselves to be more transparent in the future, and I hope you still find joy in their content, or elsewhere! <3

Racism is something that happens on twt over and over again it’s exhausting. I’m sad to know dnp don’t escape that stereotype as well.

I appreciate you being here to support me Red, as you always do when I experience crisis such as this. I’m aware that this is something that can be hard to do, and there can be so many mistakes made along the way. But I’m ready to forgive them all if only people are trying to learn. I appreciate you trying to be here Red. Thank you so much.

And I do need to point out when problematic actions are made. We cannot keep silent about these things to protect people’s feelings. These need to be addressed so that things can get better

[ac-liveblogs]

Alright! I played the new We Will Be Reunited and the Skirk quest last night, and I'm ready to share my feelings on both. (didn't like em)

On Skirk, to get it out of the way - I mashed through most of it. I say 'most', because there were a fair amount of playable segments. Bad ones. Setting aside the macro plot about one of Surtalogi's students stealing part of your soul (lol), Skirk takes you aside to teach you how to be a better swordsman.

This resulted in dialogue you getting told you need a 'style/school' of swordplay (which... are we not a uber talented vaguely centuries old universe hopping badass? Did we need to get told that? 5 years into our journey?), and in gameplay resulted in a lot of a) hitting stationary objects b) smacking slimes and c) dodging lasers.

RIVETING ACTION-PACKED GAMEPLAY.

This did all culminate in a dungeon (lots of laser dodging) and a boss (the narwhal again, but you use what you learnt! ...by hitting stationary objects and dodging lasers).

This is all pretty frustrating, because aside from the actual gameplay they put a lot of effort into developing resources for Skirk's quest. One explorable zone is basically a wide open field, but they also made a genuinely gorgeous area for the last parts of the journey through Skirk's trauma dungeon. Feels like a waste of resources that were better allocated elsewhere.

Also - trauma dungeon! I got sick of Aventurine's over in HSR, but clearly the positive reception to his sadboy angst overkill was taken onboard because they've migrated that concept over here now. I think Aventurine's was better, which is saying something, because his was bad. Skirk's felt even more repetitive, somehow. Aside from that, I think delivering information about characters like this is extremely lazy.

As an extra note, I think all the lore she comes packaged with - opening Genshin to the wider universe - is not something Genshin has the capacity to address in any meaningful capacity, and is better reserved for HSR. The good end of all that nonsense is Surtalogi getting confined to Star Rail.

Speaking of the wider universe, WWBR reveals that the twins arrived in Teyvat in a spaceship. This is dropped on us at the start of the quest in such a way that the game seems to expect us to already know this. Paimon isn't surprised to hear about it, and neither is Dainsleif. That is despite this being entirely new information - I know the twins arrived in Teyvat on a spaceship in the closed beta, but that got cut from the main release.

Feels like a very sloppy retcon. Anyway.

I would like to spend a moment being bitter about the Abyss Order sort of waging war on Natlan, but that not being something worth dealing with in the Archon Quest. Really, the way the Order is handled makes them seem like absolute chump change, which is not a great vibe for one of your big villain factions.

Though I am getting ready for a 'we peacefully want a new area to build new Khaenri'ah, pretty please Heavenly Principles' payoff to all this given the way this quest shook out, and sibling getting hijacked by the Vinster King or something. I am surprised they're looking for somewhere new to do it, instead of just rewriting the existing leylines though? Is that how that works? The other countries were involved too though...?

Um, there were two twists this time. One is the nature of Direidyth's existence and her role in the story, which I called pretty early but the quest sure dragged out a long time... the second is the closed time loop that resulted in Sibling leaving Khaenri'ah to burn in the Cataclysm, for which they blame themselves.

I'm less critical of the former than the latter. I was pretty frustrated by the way the game pushed Direidyth's crush on you (the hand-holding plot point was particularly transparent), though I am amused that they seem to have given her a player character head over the standard NPC one to make her cuter.... it's a bit uncanny when she still has the NPC clothing style, which is 'layers painted on' though.

Dainsleif's hilarious underreaction to everything regarding the New Khaenri'ah reveals was pretty funny. Yeah, he killed the immortal enemy a bunch of times when learning about it... which is apparently something he was inclined to do anyway. Man, this game is really bad at dramatic timing and tension.

The latter is just... kinda tedious honestly, especially paired with the traveler demanding to know why their sibling would even WANT to save Khaenri'ah in the first place like... um, why did you want to save Natlan? Or Fontaine? Or help out in Sumeru? Obviously, they felt bad and had far more reason to help out those places than the traveller did???

BUT, the sibling's backstory is getting... really convoluted. I guess they wanted a reason for them not saving Khaenri'ah but... losing the battle is perfectly fine? They could have just failed? Instead of this overwrought 'oh but I had to choose but if I HAD been there I probably could have-' BS like. You Can Just Lose. I get they're meant to be OP and all but. Man.

It was better than the Skirk quest in that I feel my time wasn't wasted as badly, but... we didn't even get a new dungeon :( Given we ended up in Cinder City, I was just bitter this wasn't properly integrated into the AQ.

Anyway, the new Paimon VA is a good replacement? Sounds similar to the old one, but less ear-piercing. Hearing a partially voiced track is really uncanny though, so I didn't tune in for long.

I liked the Abyss Order's name joke.

Traveller didn't even peg Direidyth as being from Khaenri'ah... I like to think they see so many weird eyes these days they just forgot that particular pupil shape meant anything.

[sentientgopro]

Everything in the & 196 Video explained

A good place to start for learning 196 culture and understanding some of the stuff we mention is this video, made upon the end of 196, showcasing some of the biggest moments on the sub. Im gonna explain as many of these as possible. First, the history of 196. My source is a post I loosely remember from the person who made 195.

r/195 was a subreddit created by a few roomates living in apartment no. 195 to allow them to share memes easily and save stuff. They didn't set it to private and were suprised when they saw people starting to join. They decided to screw with them by creating the ONE GOLDEN RULE. You must post before you leave. They decided to do this as an experiment for 420 weeks (If I remember correctly.) Alot of fun was had and alot of 196s culture began here , such as Floppa and fanter. People were upset when the experiment ended, the sub had truly struck gold, so its permanent (or so we thought), sequel was created, 196. Its wortg considering, as what was basically an anarchy sub, why didnt it turn into a racist and himophobic shithole like the other ones? Its obviously dependent on the mods. The mods of most anarchy subs create them because they just want a place where they wont face consequences for saying terrible shit. 195 was different, and was moderated by more reasonable people. this is why 196 became the trans friendly space its known as today. Okay, onto the video.

Love of: The two 196 mascots, Floppa and Spronkus. These 2 will show up alot in this video. Spronkus was created in a meme comparing left and right shitposting, where the right is just a racist caricature and the left is "a popular recognisable cartoon character with a gun thay says trans rights and shoots fascits." It also has a gun thats labelled "this is a gun". Spronkus was, infact, not a recognisable cartoon character, but one created by the artist of the meme. It was named and became a 196 mascot, appearing in our r/place image.

The sun: alot of these images are just memes that did well on this sub and fit the lyrics. they explain themselves, theres no more culture to it, I wont mention them in the list from now on.

Came back again: The pillar wars. 196 had a lengthly battle over an image of different pillar types, where people would argue for their favourite pillar.

To make it clear that: When AI filters were just starting to pick up, someone ran their face through a masculinity filter many, many times, and this was the result.

Shame on a martyr: 197 is a place generally recognised as the place that people who liked 196 but got banned for being an asshole go. So its basically 196 but a little more right leaning.

Either perspective of &: First image of Bridget/ Biscuit/ Brisket/ Bucket. One meme where a guy mispelled bridget (Or was it someone who said one of their relatives kept mispronouncing it? Not really important either way) so it became a running joke of Spelling bridget incorrectly. I imagine this was elsewhere on the internet, not just 196.

Dry: Not sure if this is really a 196 culture thing, but its a common joke on 196 that there is nothing dryer than the pussy of Ben Shapiros wife.

& All the &s that we forgot: 196 was known for having microcelebrities, people that were easily recognisable in comments and people know their name. Most notable is Goblinhog, who became a moderator, but the rapid expansion of microcelebs came with monko74 who became one. Alot of people started signing their posts/ comments in a certain way to make them more recognisable.

Leave if you can't stand the thought of it: Not alot to it, 196 mods made the based decision to ban any and all people using the reddit NFT avatars.

New & Old: The new and old images for the sub. Everytime the image changed, it would replace the old one, they would all still be partially transparent. First was that rabbit, then a globe thing was added. The mods did a random choice of who would get to choose the new sub image for a month, and the winner chose a picture of that guy you can faintly see in the new image. It was changed back to the old image and the guy was added at the end of the month. Spronkus also temporarily became the sub icon, before it was added to the full image.

John & Yoko: A heavily edited version of a comic that was used as a frequent meme template on 196. The original joke is that 2 guys and a girl meet their future selves, and one of the guys is suprised to find his future self as a woman.

They took a lesson from their fathers: Explained by the 196 history at the start

Their lives stuck beside every &: The yoshi and toad kissing tattoo was a like goal thing if I remember correctly, "If I get this many likes Ill do this" and they did it. Either that or it was a goal for the sub itself.

Stop the peace: When 196 was at a perceived low point, and Sprokus was on the rise, people came to the conclusion that 196 just wasn't as Gay as it used to be, and it needed to be fixed.

We digress: There was a post (Dont think it was on 196) of a 4 panel comic thats supposed to be something about women moving on from heartbreak or something but the 4th panel was replaced with an image of a shitting toothpaste. Someone commented to ask for the version without the toothpaste and this comment and post was screenshotted and became popular on 196. When the no toothpaste version was posted, the same person asked for a version with the toothpaste. It was a common joke for a while for people to replace the fourth panels, or other panels, of other comics with the toothpaste. This is an amogus version of it. That should be everything, please reblog if Ive missed stuff.

[lotus-tower]

you know, it’s really really frustrating to have to work my whole life, literally 5 out of 7 days of my entire life, in order to save for retirement so I can maybe if I’m lucky enjoy 10-15 years of living without having to work, because that’s the only expected, “right”, responsible, “normal” thing to do. we’re expected to make enormous sacrifices—literally the majority of our free time and energy—for the sake of this nebulous future, and this is deemed not only completely normal but proper.

but when it comes to covid prevention, it’s “you have to live your life”, there is absolutely no allowance for a long-term view beyond a few years and even that is pushing it for most people. it’s suddenly strange and oppressive to have to hold back from activities you like in any shape or form or to put yourself through mild discomfort by wearing a mask, for the sake of a nebulous future.

but the thing is that if I develop dementia at an age where it’s “normal” and not considered early for it, or even if I develop it “late”, that’s still a tragedy. if I develop alzheimer’s at 70, that’s a tragedy. I don’t want to develop it at all. it’s hardly entirely within my control, but the unfortunate truth is that we won’t feel the true impact of all these covid infections for years—decades, realistically. our concerns are totally dismissed at this, because there’s no “proof” until it happens, because it’s unreasonable to make sacrifices for something so far off. and it’s not a surprise because people are allergic to the long-term in many areas (insert generic criticism of society here), but it is so incredibly frustrating to be met with that kind of logic when elsewhere, we’re literally expected to slave away and sacrifice the majority of our lives for the sake of making some companies some profit. and that equally far-off future, the exact same timeline really, is presented to us in this bizarre aspirational way.

even though we’ve all seen how the elderly and the disabled have been treated throughout this pandemic. congratulations, you worked all those decades and made it to this day—now your death is “understandable”, normal, unavoidable. it’s so cruel and transparent about it too, in fact it’s transparent enough that I can barely muster up much energy to be angry about it because the logic is entirely self-evident and consistent. yet somehow people buy into these absurd narratives of hard work and meritocracy and blah blah blah.

honestly, it’s not like I can’t understand the fact that people feel like they just have to do some things or they’ll go crazy. again the causes are the same. it just feels so bonkers to me that we’re meant to act like we’re okay with this and that some people genuinely buy into it

[lilyofporcelain]

Forged in Fire

Clang.

It was her favourite sound, hammer against molten metal.

Clang.

It was her favourite sight, watching the sparks fly off at the impact.

Clang.

It was her favourite way to bury herself as the rest of the world passed around her.

The heat of the forge was strong today. She'd have to pass on a word of thanks or two to Weash for all of the preparation. She could have done it herself. Normally did. Every so often, however, Weash would pitch in. She doubted it was his real name, but if she was honest, she didn't care. What kind of parents named their kids 'Weash' anyway. There was no way. And if there was, it was going to be one of the rare moments that she was inclined to laugh.

There weren't too many of those, frankly. Didn't think there were too many more remaining either.

Zarynei hadn't ever been known for having a sense of humour. There wasn't a lot to laugh about. Arrogant soldiers being stupid drunkards, unable to get their breeches on without tripping over themselves in the aftermaths of hangovers? Nothing funny about that. Hadn't been anything funny about the Second War or any of the others that fell after it either. If she was ever asked, and Weash had once or twice, there wasn't really anything funny about life in general.

Even in the place where she was most comfortable, a hot as blazes forge that left her in a fine coat of sheen and sweat, she wasn't inclined much towards humour. Or anything else that wasn't outright focus and intense concentration.

Days of war were behind her, as was her service. No point in lifting a weapon any longer. Not when she could craft the damn things and put them into the hands of equally foolish soldiers who could follow in the same footsteps she'd been travelling years before them. Had she been foolishly optimistic when she was younger? Maybe. She wasn't sure she could even remember. Felt like every year that passed now was only filled with the grim reality of things. Pleasant memories, maybe, had gone elsewhere.

"Ty'linde."

She heard it. Somewhere it leaked between her thoughts, which seemed to be all and nothing whenever she got into her smithing work. Whatever it was, however, wasn't as important as the focus she put into her craft. She'd made a name for herself with her line of weapons and armour. So much of a name, in fact, that she kept a number of establishments across the world under the careful watch of specially designated people she believed she could trust. Or at least people who would be inclined to peddle her wares for coin in a somewhat responsible manner.

And if they couldn't... Well. She could just replace them. After teaching a hard lesson about double-crossing her. Zarynei was simply too old a hen to be taken advantage of.

"Dame Ty'linde—"

She turned sharply, lifting her heated hammer. "Fuck off," she began, "I'm busy."

There stood Weash, a relatively... Well. He probably would have called himself impressive. Objectively, sure. Muscular. Knew his way around a forge. Proved himself a productive member of her workforce. But that was about the extent at which she thought of him. Pulling the protective glasses up into the askew collective of hair like iron and ochre, she scowled.

"How many times have I told you to not interrupt me when I'm working? I don't bother you when you're busy. You don't bother me. Whatever it is, it can wait."

In the way he had every other time he'd stopped her in the middle of a project, the look he offered was apologetic. As her shoulders dropped in a transparent resignation and she beckoned for him to continue, impatient and to the point, he seemed to find his voice—wherever he'd dropped it.

"Yeah, I know," he began. "That Lord Rosebrooke is here again. He wants to know when you'll have his breastplate finished."

Zarynei scowled, teeth gritting about the mouthpiece of the wooden pipe tucked in the corner of her frown. Of course he was. The same pompous idiot had been at her smithy earlier in the week. She didn't think there was anyone else more impatient than her, but he sure liked challenging her, it seemed.

Turning her back to Weash, she placed her attention back onto the leggings she was shaping beneath heat. "Tell him to fuck off, too," she began. "I told him already that there's queue for a reason. He could shower this whole damn place in gold and it wouldn't matter. He'll get his breastplate when I get to it and not a moment sooner."

Fancy lords and their fancy satchels. As if that was going to get them results. Sure, it had for their people once upon a time. But times, they were changing. Noble lineage and titles didn't mean diddly, except in circles that clung to old ways and had no idea how to move forward in a world forced to evolve. Every time a lord or a lady came her way, making their cute, little demands, Zarynei wanted to spit all over them. Her work spoke for itself. They could either wait or they could go somewhere else. And if they did the latter, well, the quality just wasn't going to be the same. She was confident of that.

"I—" Weash replied, a noticeable apprehension in his voice. Clearing his throat, he continued, the edge in his tone betraying a nervousness he often exhibited when it came to overstaying his welcome. Zarynei was as likely to throw him into the fire as she was coals for the flame. "I don't think he's going to like that."

Zarynei pulled her glasses back down, slamming her hammer into the cut of steel. Sparks flew from the collision and she swore she heard Weash fall back a pace or two. "Don't care what he likes and neither should you. He's not the one paying your salary." She casting a look over her shoulder, blowing up a lock of that hair that fell into one cool blue eye. "Tell him if he bothers me again, he can take his business elsewhere."

Don't need the coin of a self-interested dick to support myself.

When she heard Weash's footfalls recede and eventually fade, following the natural slam of the doors into her forge, Zarynei assumed she'd gotten her point across. Taking a deep pull on her pipe between the consecutive intimate meetings between steel and hammer, somehow she felt tired all over again. If it wasn't one thing, it was another.

But it could have been worse. At least she enjoyed what she did. And she'd have one more numbered piece to add to her collection of work. If these ones turned out to her satisfaction, she'd simply make more and start sending them to the other smithies she'd established. As she stared down at the project in progress, she nodded. It was going to be another masterpiece.

[divinemare]

-ˏˋ⋆ 𝔄 𝔠 𝔬 𝔲 𝔯 𝔱 𝔬 𝔣 𝔤 𝔬 𝔡 𝔰 𝔞 𝔫 𝔡 𝔪 𝔬 𝔫 𝔰 𝔱 𝔢 𝔯 𝔰 ⋆ˊˎ-

└──» ✎ 。 Azriel x Oc

part eight

┊✧*｡ ✯┊☪︎⋆✧*｡ ┊

Azriel had heard it from Rhys first, the male's daementi power reaching into his mind to tell him. But still, Azriel refused to believe it until he saw it with his own eyes.

His palms were sweating as his heart pounded hard in his chest. His shadows hid part of his face and body in hopes of concealing his master's unease. There was no way he could calm his erratic nerves as he waited, and waited, and waited.

Until he saw her. Entering the room, with her eyes, normally full of life and curiosity, staring at the floor, lost and unsure.

He almost let a gasp escape as he saw the tattoo that wrapped around Mareena’s arm and disappeared into the shoulders of her shirt. It wasn’t just any kind of tattoo, Azriel recognised it perfectly as a bargain mark.

“You and I are going to cause your dear father an outburst when he sees you with that,” Rhett laughed cruelly, taking Mareena’s arm in his hands and stroking the tattooed skin.

An inexplicable wave of rage coursed through his body, but Azriel kept his gaze fixed elsewhere so as not to look directly at Mareena.

“Shadowsinger,” when he heard the High Lord calling him, Azriel had to muster his most rigid expression to finally be able to look at him. “Would there be any trouble now that Miss Mareena is joining us? I know you two might have been…close.”

Azriel looked at Mareena, who finally had raised her head from the ground as if just realizing he was there, it was just a split second, but he felt a lump in his throat he had to swallow before looking back at the male with no emotions at all.

“None, Sire.”

Oh, there were already a thousand fucking problems going on in his head right now.

☪︎⋆

Mareena had been presented to the Court of Nightmares. And what an awful fucking place.

She had hated the second she had stepped into it. The High Lord made her change her clothes into some trousers and a top in the Night Court style she loved, but the fabric, even tho it was a beautiful shade of shiny purple, was almost transparent. The top didn’t had the right sleeve, so to reveal the tattoo that curled up her arm, while the transparency of the fabric allowed it to show where the tattoo finished at the back of her shoulder.

She was paraded as a new weapon, a new adquisición, and it all fell all too similar to her fathers dungeon, where he showed her off to his awful friends.

But there was one thing that made everything less horrible, one person. Azriel was constantly, all the time, near her. Even if he had to act like he didn’t care for her, every time she was standing in one corner, shadows caressed her arms in a soft, comforting way. And in every glance they stole from each other across the room, she saw the trouble in those beautiful hazel eyes.

“So she’s what, your new guard?” Keir, Mor’s father, and Rhys’ uncle, asked his brother with a horribly unnerving smile towards her.

“Something like that, yes,” the High Lord nodded slightly, looking at her from head to toe.

Their bargain had left many questions in Mareena’s head. She was to be his new blade, his new weapon. He had said she had a power that not even she could understand herself, and that he would use it as he saw fit, using her against his enemy and anyone that would want to attempt against his crown.

Mareena was simply a weapon to be yield, something to brag about.

Oh, if he knew what she had been capable of before she locked the bigger part of her power inside her…

“What is she, anyway,”

“I’m not sure yet, I guess we’ll know once I see her father next week, but she’s Mother damned powerful, that is.”

A sense of terrible dread filled her entire body at the horrible realization; she was going to see her father again. After all those years running as far away from him as she could, she was going to be forced to see him again.

Panic started settling in her chest, now she was under the relative protection of the High Lord of the Night Court, the bargain she had made for eternity not allowing her to ever leave the Court.

She had to advert her eyes from the two males staring at her in hunger and cringe at the thought of being trapped between her awful male of a father and the awful male that now basically…he basically owned her.

What had she done. What had she accepted. She had traded an evil for another evil, and she wasn’t sure which one was the worst of them.

The panic started to intensify in her chest.

She retrieved to a dark corner in an empty space, she had to calm herself down or she was going to make of herself a bigger spectacle. But the realization of her whole situation was just settling down, and it all was fucking terrifying.

Suddenly, while her chest felt as if it was about to burst out and her breathing became more rapid, a calloused hand grabbed hers and squeezed slightly.

She didn’t startle at the touch; for she knew it all too well. She had held that same calloused hand a thousand times after horrible Nightmares, had held it while she got out of the woods when she fell into that same hole in the ground six times. Those hands had touched her face and healed her wounds when she trained a little too hard with Mor or simply got an injury for doing something incredibly stupid.

She squeezed Azriel’s hand in return. His body hidden in shadows, while she stared at the party with a raised chin and an expression she had learned from the very male at her side right now.

No, being her father’s captive couldn’t be the better evil than this. Because there, nor Azriel or Rhys or Cassian or Mor or Alhena and Valeria were with her. In there, Azriel would never hold her hand like this again, and so she held tight into that hope, held tight to his grip.

Because there was no holding back now, but as long as she had her family, she would not let the panic take over her.

☪︎⋆

Her hands were so sweaty she couldn't wipe them no matter how hard she tried. Nerves were eating her alive, taking over her heart and her entire nervous system. But Azriel's words echoed in her head like a safety mantra she repeated every time she felt her heart was going to burst out of her chest.

"Don't let them see your fear, don't let them take hold of your fear. It is yours, and yours alone."

It is mine. Mine alone. Mine. Mine....

She repeated herself over and over again as she walked behind the High Lord of the Night and his Lady through the corridors of Adriata's castle. Where the meeting of High Lords was to take place.

High Lords…Her father would definitely be there, and her brothers...she didn't know. Rhys wasn't there for the obvious fact that they were at war, and he was too busy leading a squadron to attend these ridiculous meetings. But her brothers were not warriors, Mareena knew all too well, and if they were there too....

At least Azriel was at her side, and Alhena was one step ahead; that was enough to keep her from panicking.

When the doors to the hall opened, Mareena took a deep breath, before being greeted by the image of the 7 most incredibly intimidating men, exuberant with power. Everything inside her trembled in terror, and that power that activated whenever she felt a latent threat pulsed nervously in her veins.

Mareena swallowed dryly and raised her head, forcing her power to remain silent and obey her command.

“Rhett, what a great pleasure you finally decided to show up,” his voice made something feral and wild alter her every insides.

Something she hadn’t felt in a long while, something she had hoped she never had to feel again. But there she was, years after everything she had went through to escape, standing only meters away from her father.

Her blood fell cold and her breathing started to catch up in her lungs. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this. She wasn’t brave enough, she…

She felt a little push at her back, and by the way those hands made her skin feel hot and her chest to squeeze, she knew perfectly well who had it been.

Discreetly looking at her side, she saw Azriel’s impassive face, his scarred hands were at his side, but his shadows slightly twisted. She tried hard not to smile, to copy his same emotionless expression, but it felt almost ridiculous, by the way her heart was absolutely betraying her with its heavy rhythm.

Mareena gave a step closer, then another, and then she was close enough for her father —and, her three older brothers, alongside their mother—, for them to see her.

She would never forget their expressions, the absolute masterpiece of the utter shock and disbelief in their pale faces.

“You…”

“Is something wrong, Jalus? You look a bit pale,” The High Lord of Night said condescendingly.

Mareena stared at her father’s eyes and did not avert her gaze with a stolen bravery she did not know where she got from.

“You had her all this time,” her father stood from his seat, his eyes almost out of their pockets.

“Who?” Rhett pretended confusion, and then he looked back at her, as if understanding. “Oh! You mean my beautiful goddess?”

Mareena saw a flinch of something similar to surprise in her fathers eyes for a split second, but it vanished so quickly she could’ve had imagined it, only anger was left in his deep green eyes.

Mareena almost cringed at the nickname. “Goddess”, that’s how the King of Hybern had called her once.

“Who is the beautiful lady, Rhett?” A dark skinned male questioned, a brow lifted in amusement, and Mareena almost gasped at his beauty.

It was as if the sun had taken human form. All its light and roughness and power molded into an almost too rough, yet too perfect male.

“Gentlemen, I don’t see how my company would be of any of your interest, but if you’re all too curious; may I present to you my newest acquisition, a true goddess come to live, just as beautiful, and just as powerful. Mareena, darling, would you come forward?”

He signaled with his hand, and she had no option but to obligue. As she passed by Alhena, the female softened her gaze a split second, telling Mareena she had nothing to worry about, her mother was right beside her, and so she lifted her face just as the female had taught her, and faced her father with unbothered eyes.

The four males squeezed their jaws so tightly she thought they may break at one point, while the Lady of Spring merely…stared at her, Mareena couldn’t exactly decipher in what way. There was no sign of Tamlin whatsoever. Good.

Then her father’s eyes lingered in her bare arm, where the bargain tattoo curled up in a beautifully tragic way.

“Oh, you did not.”

“You bitch,” one of her brother’s laughed drily, and all the other five High Lords stared at her arm all at once.

“Hello, father. Brothers.”

“Father?” The perfect sun crafted male said with amused surprised, and then threw his head back in laughter.

“Father? So she’s the girl your little bitch of a son almost killed mine for,” another male said, his voice so cold she felt it freezing her insides.

Mareena adverted her eyes from her father to look at her side, where a male, pale as snow, with hair as moonlight, sat with a raised white brow. Everything about him was pure coldness, from the way his glacier blue eyes stared at her, to the way his every feature seemed to be as sharp as ice. Besides him, tho, was a male that made Mareena’s heart pound with excitement and nostalgia, a male that almost stole a smile from her lips, hadn’t she been so scared to show anything but complete unbothereness in front of all those people.

Kallias stared at her with cold eyes, but behind them, she saw the same as she felt; the nostalgia, the relief of seeing each other again. It had been so long ago that he found her almost dead in the frozen woods of the Winter Court.

A female that she could only guess was his mother sat at his father’s other side. An impossibly beautiful female that looked too bright, too sweet to be what she imagined of a Lady of Winter.

Wait a second, Kallias had been attacked by one of her brothers? Mareena regained conscious of what the High Lord of Winter had said, and a wave of rage and guilt cursed through her, making her look back at her former family with more will in her eyes.

She took a moment to scan the room at last. Everyone else was extremely confused as they stared at them, the sun god; the dark skinned male, seemed to be enjoying all of this way too much, another dark skinned male, one Mareena could only guess, by his clothing, was the High Lord of the Court they currently were on; Summer, seemed to be completely lost of all context. The one red head male looked completely annoyed, with a gorgeous female at his side that simply looked lost and a little red haired boy who clung tightly to his mother. Then there was a tanned male with a scrutinizing gaze, the one that had to be, by her own conclusions, the High Lord of the Dawn Court, as if he was paying extra attention trying to understand the drama that unfolded in front of him. And Kallias’ father, who stared sharply and bone-freezingly towards one of her older brothers, the one in the middle, the one she hated the most, Reed. So he had attacked Kallias, she was not surprised at all. He used to beat her up too, very often.

The memories of it made her feel that same wild outbursts of feelings threatening to shatter her gained calmness and control. She felt the heat in her face before she realized her hands itch with the necessity of letting her power burst. She felt a light brush of a delicate hand in her arm, and a murmur of softness in her ear. Both Azriel’s shadows and Alhena’s touch brought her back to the necessary control.

“So what, are we going to ever start the important meeting at hand, or you’ll just stay there and stare at each other? Because I would love to go back to my business if that’s the case,” the red haired male said with a bored look.

Her father took a deep breath, Rhett laughed slightly, amused by his own twisted games, and Mareena did not lowered her head until her father arched a brow.

“Glad to see you’re alive, child,” oh, he was anything but glad, and everyone could clearly see it.

“Couldn’t say the same, to be honest,” she didn’t know where all that insolence had come from, but she was satisfied of it when she saw her father’s jaw so tense it almost snapped.

Rhett and that sun male laughed out loud, her brothers stood all from their chairs but their father stoped them immediately. She saw from the corner of her eye how Kallias smiled slightly, quickly taking his smile away but winking at her.

Then she felt the shadows again, caressing her skin with soft proudness, delivering the message from their master.

“That’s my girl.”

[lollytea]

I originally started following after the first trolls movie.

You haven't posted trolls in the while and maybe you don't keep up with the media at all.

but if you do, it would scratch an itch in my brain.

What do you think of Guy Diamond's son, Tiny Diamond? Like Jade vs Tiny Diamond is kind of a whiplash huh?

What do you think of branch's brothers????? I'm just so curious b/c ur headcanon content is very tasty to me.

Haha! All of my trolls brainrot has been effectively purged. The kind of things that I'm interested in have varied so far elsewhere that I really can't sink my teeth into this franchise the way I did when I was 19. Its a universe that doesn't really take itself all that seriously and functions on saccharine surrealism, which is fun to watch for an hour and a half, but I can't really get invested in it. Its just not what I vibe with anymore. And if I'm just not interested in staying long in the world the characters inhabit, I'm just not gonna think about it much.

But! I do watch the new trolls movies when they come out, mostly cuz I love Poppy and Branch and its always nice to see them again. I appreciate that they've remained three-dimensional characters throughout all three films, and their wide range of emotions are taken seriously, in spite of the overall goofy tone of the movies. And as I said, the world itself can be fun to sit in for an hour and a half.

Nobody needs to know my overall thoughts on trolls 3. But the short version is that I didn't really like it and will probably never watch it again. But there was a lot of talented designers, writers, animators etc. involved and I like to appreciate the bits of magic they brought to it.

Tiny Diamond is....certainly a bit. His character is just. Being a bit. It's not a bit I find all that funny (baby with a grown man voice), so I really don't feel anything about it. Except for Guy Diamond giving birth out of his head, like the King of the Gods, producing his noble daughter Athena. I feel a lot of indescribable emotions about that.

Diversity win! The trolls franchise has mpreg!

Anyway, point is, Tiny Diamond was the first of MANY characters that the sequel films fired at us. It's made it all feel....a bit crowded. There's just a lot of bitches to keep track of. And they dump all of them out in front of you in the span of one film that it's hard to get particularly attached to any of them.

I don't even have anything to say about Jade, except I was transparently more into the characters than the world when I was 18/19. Jade was an OC that existed (almost) solely in the Human AU. I didn't give a shit about troll Jade obviously. I didn't develop him all that well and have no real emotional attachment to him anymore, so I don't really feel anything about Tiny Diamond becoming his Canon counterpart. Tbh I think it gave me an interesting glance in the mirror. With Jade, I had strayed very very far from the trolls' goofy ridiculous vibe. The introduction of Tiny Diamond was a humbling experience agsbdjnk.

I quite like Branch's brothers! It's the kind of info that makes me wish they revealed Branch had brothers seven years ago when I was going absolutely insane about trolls. I love sibling relationships. I would have had so much fun with it. Like throwing new toys into a baby's playpen.

But unfortunately the info has dropped in 2023 and I am 25. Sad face.

But still, Branch's brothers are neat. I like that their designs are all distinct but they still have the family resemblance you'd expect of brothers. I like that John and Bruce are fat. I like that Clay is all gangly and peaky looking. I like that they're all well meaning but kinda unintentionally dickish for refusing to acknowledge Branch as anything but a baby. I like that Floyd was a very sweet nurturing big brother and Branch still has a soft spot for him twenty years later. I like that Floyd is a twink. Yippee.

I think Bruce is my favourite, mostly cuz I had the most fun during his segment of the film. I love the puppet land. I love his big puppet wife and puppet children.

To be honest, as soon as I finished watching the movie, I began losing memories of it at a rapid rate. This is just what I remember. Okay byeeee <33

[caffeineandsociety]

The past few days on tumblr have been a fascinating albeit EXTREMELY frustrating case study in how bigotry spreads among people who think they're resistant to it.

Mattie-boy, shortly before....all of this, went on a whole screed about how he doesn't SEE race and he's so similar to MLK and anyway labels like race and gender and sexuality are just so divisive and uwu can't we all just be friends? He is not actively hateful on a group level, we will not see him go on a rampage about how trans women are ruining his precious website because by all evidence that's not what he CONSCIOUSLY believes, that's not what he BELIEVES he believes; he's just a giant egomaniac who thinks he has nothing left to learn about the world and the people in it.

But three things are very obviously true about him:

He experiences a lot of subconscious bias,

He doesn't care to take the time to learn basic sensitivity (again, he thinks he's already got that down), and

He is blissfully unaware that overmonitoring one group while letting others slide for the same infractions - if not making false accusations outright and letting the authorities come up with a post-hoc justification to explain why someone freaked out (because it WOULDN'T be for NO reason, right?) - is a form of both top-down and grassroots bigotry VERY popular on the internet, despite us telling him multiple fucking times over the course of 5 years.

I'm sure that Matt believes he would act the same way toward ANYONE who bruised his ego so severely. I'm sure he's wrong about that; I'm sure the intensity might be similar but the specifics would be very different given the number of blatantly transphobic and specifically transmisogynistic tropes he's invoked-

But more importantly, we're overlooking a core part of the problem that is much bigger than Matt and his ego: not many groups would ever get the CHANCE to bruise his ego so severely.

He prides himself on being a good and fair and just person who believes in equality...in the most center-right liberal chickenshit way. The exploitability of his moderation system - the automated nature of a good chunk of it, and the way the human staff is so overworked that they make constant obvious mistakes and often act as barely more than an extension of the machine, such that anyone with an axe to grind and a willingness to mass-report (you know, usually racists and terfs...who are largely the same people) effectively becomes a member of the FUNCTIONAL community standards team - shows in no uncertain terms that he is failing to live up to that ideal.

And he can't fucking STAND having that called out. He HAS to prove its not true...by constantly changing his justification for banning a trans woman who made too much of a stink about it, justifying taking down her SFW photos with claims that she totally DID post explicit ones elsewhere, then abandoning that justification to say she threatened him, then abandoning that justification to say she HARASSED him (AND, as an afterthought, other users), and THEN stalking her to another fucking website to double down on the already disproven explicit content allegation.

Again. This is a center-right milquetoast liberal loser. This is someone who believes that he treats everyone equally and doesn't see labels. Not only is this obviously not true, he is ignoring the role of systems of abuse in determining who pops up on his radar as a threat to that spun glass ego of his. Absolutely none of this would have happened had he been willing to take criticism and make even the SLIGHTEST effort with the SLIGHTEST bit of transparency to make the moderation system less exploitable, but because he hasn't - and, as he just admitted, hadn't even considered it until now - it was near inevitable that the person who would end up bringing it to his attention so loudly as to wound his ego this severely would be a victim of the system; i.e., probably a trans and/or Black woman - and sure enough, as it ended up, it was a trans woman...surprising absolutely no one but Matt himself.

And, frankly, we are doing a disservice by ignoring that aspect as well, especially since now there's yet another bullshit pedo callout circulating about yet another trans woman and the overlap between people who have been calling this bullshit for what it is and people who have been reblogging that callout uncritically is...significant.

The problem, in this case, is that entirely too many people here have not unlearned the stranger danger mindset. Of course, we believe, trans women are not especially likely to be 🚨 SEXUAL PREDATORS 🚨...but as a community we still do believe in the idea that the INTERNET as a whole has a massive problem with unchecked 🚨 SEXUAL PREDATORS 🚨 and callouts of them work. We talk about how the stereotype of trans women as predators is a problem - but every single time a callout comes along, as a community, we often think it's one individual exception; most trans women aren't child molesters...but THIS ONE totally is!

In reality, let's look at where CSA is common: in the nuclear family, and under other systems of authority that are held up as beyond questioning. The most likely child abusers are older immediate family members, religious authorities, cops, teachers, sports coaches, doctors and nurses - people who, for one reason or another, have power over the victim that manifests as a sense of ownership, be it permanent or temporary. Randomly acting opportunists are rare.

Many of us know this, some of us don't, but even among the people who do know, we also know that "rare" doesn't mean "nonexistent"...

So as a community, every time someone swears they've found that rare exception, people believe it. The fact that it's a trans woman about 80% of the time, another trans person about 19% of the time, a POC a good chunk of the time including most of the 1% of the time it's a cis person - as a community we don't even tend to consciously notice, because every time is yet another "rare isolated incident".

There's too much acceptance of the premise that the internet is just FULL of PEDOPHILES like all the stranger danger PSAs of the 2000s claimed, and too much trust that no one in THIS community would make such a callout in bad faith, or at least that a bad faith one would contain NO evidence but "dude trust me", so even the flimsiest "evidence" is accepted without question - and that's not even getting into how the kink community and the queer community intertwine, and yet a kink more taboo than light bondage is often seen EVEN among younger queer people as proof of predatory tendencies.

You see what happens? Even if you have fully managed to reject the idea, on a personal level, that trans women (or other trans people, or POC, or mentally ill people, or whatever other group painted with this brush, for that matter) are disproportionately likely to be A Predator, if you uncritically believe whatever callout crosses your dash, you will still disproportionately hurt marginalized people, because most if not all of them are going to be bullshit and you're not going to be given nearly as many targets who are NOT part of those groups - just like how Matt may indeed have had this nuclear meltdown on anyone who bruised his ego this badly, but the odds of him being pushed to that breaking point by anyone BUT a trans woman, or a member of at least one of a handful of other marginalized groups, were extremely slim.

And thus, bigotry finds a way to perpetuate itself even in communities and individuals who staunchly believe themselves to have rejected it.