#(again I’m way better than I was and now only feel horribly jealous 40% of the time instead of 80%)

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Anyone else pathologically avoid interacting with any art other than your own as a kid because you felt jealousy for others’ success so intensely it registered as physical pain?

[kayluh1915]

More Than Anything

Words: 3,813

Pairing(s): Pedro Pascal/Female Reader

Warnings: 18+ Only!

While enjoying a long awaited drink, you find yourself entertained by the young bartender with horrible jokes. Pedro, however, doesn't see the humor in the situation.

DISCLAIMER

This fic is a part of my "Pedro y su Abeja🐝" series. You don't have to read the previous stories to understand this one, but they're there if anyone would like to give them a glance with your peepers. I write them as a reader insert, but they can also be read as an original character. It's up to you.

Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok if you'd like. I'm pretty boring but I try. You can also checkout my Pedro Pascal Masterlist if you'd like to read some more Pedro works by me.

Enjoy!

Read on AO3

Additional Warnings: Daddy kink, dom/sub undertones, oral sex (female receiving), dirty talk, hair pulling, vaginal sex, and creampie.

London was beautiful.

Maybe a bit too cold for your tastes, but beautiful nonetheless.

It was your first time ever in the city… actually, it was your first time out of the States period. You always loved to travel, but never had the time or the money to invest in it. So, being in a new city and a new country was extremely exciting.

Big Ben was gorgeous, the London Eye was romantic, and Buckingham Palace was elegant. So many new and exciting sights all around you and yet your only focus was on Pedro, holding on tightly to his arm as he escorted you down the red carpet.

“Okay?” He asked, turning his attention towards you for a moment. You smiled up at him and nodded, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you did so. The red carpet still made you incredibly uncomfortable, but you had gotten better at it since Oscar night. It’s not something you enjoy, but you didn’t mind it as long as Pedro was there for you to follow and hold onto.

“After I finish presenting, we can head to the afterparty if you want. There’s really no need to stay if you’re not feeling it.” He offered once you were finally away from the blinding cameras.

“That sounds great, actually. I could use a drink."

"Yeah? What're you feeling?" You pondered for a moment.

"Honestly, I'm not really sure. Maybe something with vodka or bourbon."

"Bourbon, huh? Are you homesick?" You scoffed playfully and rolled your eyes with your tongue stuck out at him, earning a deep chuckle as he placed a kiss on your temple.

He teases you about that every time bourbon is brought up.

After the usual press interviews and greetings with Pedro’s peers, you were finally able to take your seats, getting as close to him as possible while he draped his arm across the back of your seat.

Before meeting Pedro, you loved award shows. It was an excuse to get off your ass with friends and shit on the biased bastards who clearly chose the winners on other criteria besides which film had been best crafted.

Now, you fucking hated them. Having to sit still in a seat and listen to these rich snobs drone on and on about nothing important for hours on end with no booze or idiotic friends to laugh with made it damn near unbearable for you. Pedro knew this and picked up on your fidgeting about 40 minutes into the show. He placed his hand on your bouncing knee, gently rubbing his thumb over it.

"You can go on to the party if you want, Abeja. I still have a bit before my presentation and I know how restless you get with these things.” You shook your head, going back to bouncing your knee, but a bit gentler this time.

“Nah. I want to stay here with you and show my support.” He chuckled.

“You don’t have to prove anything to me and you know that." A split second of silence fell between you as you weighed your options, but he wasn't having it.

"Go. Have a drink and loosen up a bit. I’ll come find you after I present and we can watch the clip together on YouTube later.”

Normally, you wouldn’t listen to him and would tough it out. Pedro lit up like a kid on Christmas anytime he was on camera and you loved to see it, but he was right. The video of him presenting would be on YouTube within minutes of it being aired so you’d still be able to see it.

"... Okay. I have my phone if you want me to come back." You offered.

"Alright. I’ll see you in a bit, honey." You exchanged a quick kiss, bunched your dress up in both hands, and nearly booked it out of the theatre, more than happy to finally be away from all the formal shit.

You were the first one at the party, rushing over the bartender and ordering some Jim Beam and Coke. Pretty basic, but it was just something to get you started.

"Your accent is lovely." The bartender complimented as he slid your drink to you.

"Oh, this ugly thing?" You gestured to your vocal chords. "I respectfully disagree, but thank you. I’d much rather have one like yours. Sounds much nicer than deep fried hick." The young man laughed, resting his elbow on the bar.

"Where you from?" You took a sip of the concoction before answering.

"Kentucky. Born and raised." The bartender looked at your drink and then back at you.

"You're not a little homesick are ya?" He asked, gesturing to your drink. You groaned, rolling your eyes and laying your head on the bar.

"Why does everyone ask me that? I just like bourbon, okay?" The bartender laughed again as you took another sip.

"Yes ma'am. I apologize. I'm Brice." He held his hand out for you to shake. You did, giving him your name in return. "So, this your first time in the UK?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The afterparty had a lot more people now, the three drinks you've had relaxing you and tinting your cheeks blush red. It wasn't enough for you to ditch your filter, but it did make you quite giggly.

Brice especially found your giggle fits endearing. He had been talking to you the entire time you’d been there, only leaving to serve the other guests before coming back over to you. He'd lean on the marble bar as you spoke and he started telling you bad jokes just to get you to giggle. He seemed like a pretty cool dude.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, watching you closely as you down your shot of whiskey. You put the glass back on the bar with a clank, letting out a sigh as you felt the liquor run warm down to your stomach.

"Sure. What's on your mind?" You answer. Brice takes the glass from you and washes it quickly, drying it off with a towel as he seems to ponder on how to say what he's about to say.

"You know, you're pretty awesome and I would love to get to know you better away from all of this." He started, gesturing around the party atmosphere. "So, I was wondering if you would like to exchange phone numbers? Maybe socials as well?"

Ah Lord. You were nowhere near drunk enough to deal with this shit. Brice seemed like a cool guy, but you didn't think you were coming off that way and immediately felt terrible for leading him on. You opened your mouth to say… something. You weren't really sure, but it was going to be better than dumbass silence. However, you didn't even get a word out before you felt a familiar hand on your back and Pedro’s voice right by your ear.

Perfect. Just in time to be used as a gentle decline.

"There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you." You spun around to come face to face with Pedro, your face instantly lighting up as soon as you saw him. He looked you over with a smile, noticing your flushed cheeks and drunken giggles.

"I see you've had your drink." You nodded, holding up four fingers. "Oh, four. Excuussse me."

Pedro looked over to Brice and ordered his own drink. He noticed that the young man had a melancholy look to him, his blue eyes shifting right back to you as soon as he acknowledged his drink order.

"Is he bothering you?" Pedro whispered, not taking his eyes off of the bartender as he made his drink. You gasped, pretending to be offended.

"Nooooo! Brice would never!"

Pedro wasn't usually a jealous man, but something about the current situation was making his blood boil. He concealed it well and thanked "Brice" when he handed him his drink.

"I'm going to go say hi to some friends. You wanna come with me?" You groaned, not really wanting to put your formal face back on, but your desire to be around Pedro as much as possible outweighed all of it.

“Fiiinnee. I’m not talking, though.” He held his hand out for you to take, helping you down from the bar stool before placing his hand on your lower back. He gave the bartender one last glance, trying his best not to feel the pride swell in his chest when he saw how devastated the poor guy looked.

About an hour had passed when you returned to the bar for another drink, Brice apologizing for being forward as he slid you your shot.

“I didn’t know you were with someone. I’m sorry.” You fanned your hand at him, downing your shot in one go.

“It’s no big deal. I didn’t say anything so you couldn’t have known. For what it’s worth, I think you're an awesome dude and would love to exchange socials with you. You have a discord?” Brice’s eyes lit up as he nodded, grabbing a pen and paper to write his username on.

After exchanging little scraps of paper, you continued chatting with him and ended up getting giggly again from the shot. Brice noticed and started telling his horrible jokes again, but your drunk ass still found them fucking hilarious. You were still sober enough to keep the filter, but you were talking and laughing pretty loudly.

Brice was in the middle of a joke when you felt Pedro’s large and warm hand wrap around your upper arm. You melted into him with a fit of giggles, Pedro laughing at how cute you were as he brushed a few strands of hair out of your eyes.

"C'mon, honey. I think it's time for us to turn in." Pedro said, a groan leaving your lips.

"Let Brice finish this last joke and then I'll come okay?"

This time, Pedro didn't hide his rage, looking up at Brice with the most intimidating look he could muster while he had you drunk in his arms. It definitely worked, the poor dude shrinking in on himself as his eyes widened with fear.

"A-actually I'll send it to you on Discord, okay? I think you should go with your boyfriend." Brice stuttered out, clearly intimidated by your sweet teddy bear which you found hilarious. So hilarious that you didn't even question why he was angry in the first place.

Pedro was satisfied with Brice's answer and deep down felt terrible for being such an asshole, turning his attention back to you leaning on him and still giggling.

"C'mon, Abeja. Let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door to your shared hotel room had barely shut before Pedro had you cornered, his eyes dark and the smell of his cologne dancing under your nostrils. You had sobered up a bit on the drive back to the hotel and was starting to feel tired.

You whine pitifully, mildly upset that he was keeping you from your plans of peaceful dreams.

"What is it, P? M'tired." You groaned. Pedro scoffed above you.

"Am I not enough for you?" He growled. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion and look up at him.

"Huh? What're you tal-"

"Is this old man not enough for your little pussy? Huh?" You froze and swallowed hard, now understanding where he was going with this and you very much liked it, your exhaustion instantly forgotten.

"N-no… You're perfect." He chuckled darkly, leaning down to trail his lips gently over your neck. You moaned quietly, feeling his stubble tickle your sensitive skin.

"Really? Then why would you waste your time with that... boy?”

Ooohhhh. Brice.

"He-he was just being friendly. He seemed like a pretty cool guy an-"

Pedro interrupted you by slamming you against the door, pinning your wrists to the cold steel as he got close to you, his lips only inches away from yours.

"You have no idea what you'd be missing." He snarled, your pussy clenching hard from just his words and voice alone.

"... Show me, then.”

Pedro growls low in his throat and pushes you harder into the door, now holding both of your wrists in his left hand as he caresses your face and lifts his knee up to your clothed cunt.

"Gonna fuck you so good. Your young little pussy won't be able to take it all." You whined quietly, grinding yourself down onto his knee.

"Please..." Pedro's breath hitched, his grip tightening on your wrists.

"See, look at you... You're already coming apart and I've only given you my knee. That boy wouldn't even get you this close with his inexperience. Only I know exactly what you need." You were squirming at this point, your juices already starting to soak through your panties.

"Please, Daddy… Please..." You begged as he pressed his knee even harder into your dripping heat.

"Patience, my sweet Abeja. Daddy will give you everything soon."

He jerked your wrists forward, pulling you close as he let go of his hold to grab your ass and hoist you up. You quietly squeaked in surprise, wrapping your arms and legs around him as he quickly carried you over to the bed. He threw you down on it, the springs protesting lightly from the sudden weight as Pedro began to strip.

He almost had his undershirt unbuttoned when you sat up and tried to unzip your dress, but he stopped you by pinning your wrists to the mattress.

“Only Daddy’s allowed to take that dress off, baby girl.” You whined, another gush soaking your already damp panties.

He let go of your wrists again and continued to undress, looking over your body hungrily as he did so.

“I bet you’re soaked already, aren’t you, pretty girl?” You nodded rubbing your thighs together as your pussy clenched again. He parted your legs and haphazardly lifted your dress. He groaned at the sight of your heather gray panties darkening in color as your arousal continued to seep.

The stylist had highly advised you to wear sexy underwear with the dress, but you didn't care. You'd take comfort over looks anyday and Pedro didn't seem to have a problem with your choice of underwear.

He took his right pointer finger and ran it gently over the darkening patch, the bulge in his boxers twitching and somehow getting harder.

"Fuck, look at you. So shameless." He wraps his arms around your legs and pulls you to the side of the bed while getting down on his knees. You impatiently began to fidget, knowing exactly what he was doing. He pulled your panties aside, the sight of your glistening pussy spurring him on as he yanked you closer and licked you from your opening to your throbbing clit.

“Daddy…” You sighed, your hands instantly tangling in his hair. Pedro groaned, the vibrations and his facial hair feeling heavenly. He wrapped his arms around your thighs and threw them over his shoulders, pulling you even closer and pressing the pads of his fingers into your smooth skin.

“MMmmmm.” You whined, the sudden movement causing your pussy to clench around nothing. You spared a glance down to Pedro. You could only see his eyes, but that was more than enough, his dark chocolate orbs staring up at you with a dizzying mixture of adoration and lust.

Pedro loved how wreaked you looked, your mouth hung open and your eyes hooded. He took pride that he was the one making you feel this way, knowing that he was the only one who got to see you like this.

He’d had plans on taking his time with you, slowly bringing you to one orgasm after another with his tongue, fingers, and cock; but the sight of you losing yourself just on his tounge alone drove him crazy and he grew impatient.

He pulled away from you too soon for your liking, his lips and chin glistening with your arousal as he yanked off your underwear in one swoop. He discarded his boxers as he stood up, pinning you to the bed as he drug the head of his cock through your slick folds a few times.

“You’re mine, understand?” You nodded quickly, wanting so desperately for him to get on with it. “Say it.”

“I-I’m yours, Daddy… Please….” You begged.

“Please what?” Your mind was so fuzzy with arousal, that you could barely process the words he was saying, let alone compose some of your own, but Pedro wasn’t having it. He grabbed a handful of your hair and yanked it, the delicious mixture of pain and pleasure only making your neediness worse.

“Answer me.”

“Fuck me!” You whined, your voice hoarse and weak, but still loud enough for him to get the message. Pedro let go of your hair and caressed your face, the gentle gesture a far cry from how he’d pulled your hair barley seconds ago.

“Good girl.” When he finally pushed himself in, you both made noises of pleasure, Pedro wasting no time. "God, you feel so good, baby." He groaned, starting to thrust into you faster. Though you both were inpatient and did very little foreplay, you were still absolutely soaked.

“You hear that?” He gruffed, his facial hair tickling your jaw as the sounds of your wet pussy squelched almost musically. “That boy could never get you this wet. You’d probably have to- fuck- have to use lube just to get started.”

You were already close. It’d been a hot minute since you’ve seen each other, your music classes revving up for concert season and his schedule getting booked by the day. It was hard to be away from one another for so long, but this… this made it worthwhile. No toy or vibrator could ever top the way Pedro made you feel.

"Pedro…" You groaned.

"That's it. Scream Daddy's name, baby girl. Show the boys who you belong to."

His cock repeatedly rubbing against your g-spot sent waves of tingling pleasure all throughout your lower half, the intensity of it building higher and higher as he continued.

"Don't stop, Daddy. Please don't stop." You whined, your voice getting higher as your orgasm grew closer.”

"Cum on Daddy's cock, Abeja. Let him feel you drip." Like a rubber band being pulled too tight, you snapped, your back arching off the bed and your toes curling. It hit you hard, your pussy drenching his cock and throbbing relentlessly with wave after wave of chilling pleasure.

“Mmm, Daddy’s gonna cum, baby girl. Whe-where do you want it?” He panted, his movements slowing for a few seconds while he waited on your answer.

“Inside…” You whined, your orgasm still wreaking havoc as he sped back up.

“Gonna fill you up, baby. Gonna… gonna…” He thrust his cock into you one last time, his own orgasm tearing through him with the same intensity as yours. The feeling of his cum warming your insides and his throbbing cock brought you to the peak for a second time. It wasn’t very intense, but getting filled up always made your orgasm even if they’re small.

Pedro collapsed onto you, his lips colliding with yours in a slow, passionate kiss. You laid your head back with a sigh on pleasure, Pedro chasing after you to gently kiss and nibble at your chin.

“I know you like me to stay in for a bit after we finish, but can we please make an exception this time? My back is killing me in this position.” You snorted.

“Oh my god, you’re so fucking old.” Pedro pulled out slowly, the feeling of his cum seeping out dazing you again for a moment. He smugly smirked at the sight, his hand gently caressing your upper thigh as he watched it trail down your folds.

“You weren't complaining about it earlier.”

A little later, you were laying on Pedro’s chest as he played with your hair, both of you just enjoying each other's company and the silence after a night of constant noise.

"Since when do you get jealous?" You finally asked, breaking the peace as his hand stilled in your hair.

"M'not… not usually anyway." You traced small circles on his chest for a moment.

"What was so different this time?" He sighed deeply, the silence returning as he thought of an answer.

“I dunno. I guess I just…” He sighed again, running a hand through his hair.

“There’s just... so many people out there… people who have their entire lives ahead of them, who doesn’t have back pain, who doesn’t have gray hair and wrinkles, and who doesn’t sound like rice crispies in the morning and…” He paused, his arms tightening around you.

“... Someone who has the time to give you all the attention you deserve. I feel so guilty knowing that I can’t wake you up with breakfast every morning, that I have to leave you alone for months and months at a time, and that you have to face so much scrutiny because of my age. When I saw you with Brice, you looked so happy and it made me think of all the things that I can’t give you…”

He was choking up at this point, his eyes glassy and brimming with tears. You sat up a bit to face him, your hand caressing his face and gently scratching his facial hair as you stared into his watery eyes.

“Pedro… don’t say things like that. You are more than enough for me. You’re so kind and smart and oh so sweet. You’ll come take care of me when I’m sick, you respect me and treat me as my own person, you spoil me even though I beg you not to, and you love me for who I am.” Pedro sniffled as you rested your forehead atop his.

“You are hands down the most amazing man I’ve ever met and no amount of scrutiny, grey hair, or rice crispy joints is going to change that. You may think that you can’t give me everything, but you give me more than enough and I love you more than anything on this Earth.”

Pedro smiled a small smile, bringing up his left hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and caress your jaw as a tear fell down his cheek.

“I don’t deserve you…” He whispered. You wiped the tear away with your thumb and leaned down to kiss him for a bit.

"That, and you're such a DILF. I mean, did you see yourself in Narcos?" He laughed, wiping his eyes with his wrist as he got up to take a shower.

"Alright, bye. Your fangirl's coming out." You got up as well, hoping to finally take off that stupid dress and join him.

“You know you love it.” His arms suddenly wrap around you from behind, his lips pressing gentle kisses on your shoulders.

“More than anything.”

[maybebanks]

Special Treatment

JJ Maybank x Y/N

You and JJ get busted and are forced to spend the night in jail. Only Y/n gets some much resented special treatment. Leaving JJ jealous.

“I can’t believe we got caught. I’m gonna be in so much shit for this,” JJ muttered, raking a hand through his messy blonde hair.

You felt very guilty, if it wasn’t for you, JJ wouldn’t have gotten caught trespassing. He was a faster runner than you, and you had tripped, resulting in a pathetic injury.

“Hey, are you good? I know you have that ‘3 strikes’ thing going on with Peterkin..and - oh shit Y/n! Your leg is bleeding,” JJ said, moving you to sit down so he could get a better look.

“It’s fine,” you protested, “and don’t worry about me. You have your dad to worry about,” you mentioned.

JJ frowned, “don’t remind me,”

You were familiar with this cell, though it was way better when shared with JJ. You were here just yesterday, busted for shop lifting.

It was clear you were rebelling. And JJ wanted to know why.

He was intrigued.

“When we get outta here...can we go separately?” you said softly.

“Why? I was hoping we could grab food at the Wreck...please...” he trailed off, grabbing both of your hands and trapping them in his.

“No...I mean..you know I get scared of your dad. And besides, my mom wants me home,” you admitted.

JJ frowned, “yeah. I know. You get all..shakey,” he shrugs.

“I do not!” You blurted, pushing one of his shoulders.

“Yes you do, you’re hands are like this,” JJ told you, then put his hand out and started moving his wrist to shake his hand at a fast speed.

“Oh fuck you,” you groaned.

“Sure I’m down,” JJ joked.

“What?” You gave him a dirty look.

“You know,” he smirked, then he leaned over to you and started rubbing your shoulders, “you like that? Uhhh!” He moaned.

“Shut up!! You dumbass! They’re gonna hear!!” You scolded him, shoving him off of you.

“Yeah and what would they think? You more of a handjob or a blowjob kinda girl?” he joked.

“Oh my god...okay you need to..to chill with the horny boy act, got it? I know you’re just trying to get at me..but I’m not in the mood,” you sighed. Standing up and walking towards the edge of the bars.

“I see blushing,” JJ pointed out, pointing to his own cheeks.

You rolled your eyes, looking the other way.

JJ raised his hands in defense, “I didn’t mean to offend you. Just wanted to lighten the mood. Maybe get this tension under wraps,”

“There is no tension.” You stated.

“There is with you. You’re super tense,” JJ added.

“I just...I have a lot going on,” you shrugged.

“Wanna..” JJ paused, kicking his feet against the concrete, “..talk about it?”

“No thanks...” you sighed, returning to sit next to him again.

“Whatever it is,” JJ placed a comforting hand on your thigh, “I’m sure you can handle it.” He said. He knew you weren’t going to tell him, so he decided to give you confidence.

You stared at his large hand on your thigh, his rings shining from the light through the windows.

You smiled softly. And he returned it.

Before he could say some dirty one liner, the cell door opened.

You and JJ stood up.

“Y/n, let’s go.” The officer directed. He wasn’t the usual one who dealt with the jail people, he was a patrol officer. He has blonde, short hair he was tall, and looked about 30-40 years old.

“But..what about-“ You began.

“Just you.” He stated, looking into your eyes.

You looked back at JJ, he just shrugged.

So you followed the police officer out of the cell, and waved goodbye to JJ.

The officers hand met your lower back as you walked with him through the station. He nodded at a few cops at desks, no one seemed to question him as he walked you out the front door.

As an excuse to get him to stop touching you, you turned around, asking him a question, “excuse me. What’s..what’s going on?” You asked nervously.

“How about I give you a ride home,” he suggested, pointing to a small cop car.

“My friend...in there, I can’t just leave him,” you said.

“Maybank kid. Yeah I saw his record. For some reason, Peterkin always looks the other way, something to pity, I’d assume,” the Officer explains.

You sighed, knowing exactly what he was talking about, JJs dad.

“I can..um I can walk home, thanks,” you told him, walking around him.

He grabbed your wrist gently, “if I hadn’t done what I did, you’d be spending your night in that cell. Let me give you a ride home,” he almost ordered.

You bit the inside of your lip, but he was a cop, what was he gonna do? Kill you. Please. You shouldn’t be afraid of him.

You nodded, and he smiled, directing you to his car.

You attempted to get in the back seat, but he scolded you, and told you that you should sit in the front.

He drove you home, and parked in your driveway.

“I’ll walk you inside, make sure everything’s okay,” he said.

“Sir, I’m alright, it’s like 20 feet away,” you said, but he ignored you.

When you got to the front door, you knocked, him by your side.

Your mother answered, shocked, and quite unhappy at the sight.

“What did she do?” Your mother sighed, you looked at the floor.

“Ma’am, I’m officer Darren Wilden, we’ve met before, I was just escorting your daughter from the jail cell. Would’ve spent the night there, if I hadn’t got her out of there,” he told her.

You groaned.

Stepping up and heading inside, past your mom. She would have surly yelled at you, but she was now distracted by the officer.

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.

Retiring to your room was not a great as you thought, you could hear your mother laugh at Officer Wildens stupid jokes, she even made dinner for him. So you put in headphones, falling asleep to your favorite playlist.

You woke up at your usual time, to spend the Saturday with the pogues. Excited, you headed downstairs for breakfast, still in your pajamas. You missed dinner last night, and were craving a muffin or something.

You entered the kitchen in slow steps, hearing someone cooking bacon or something. Your mom never cooks.

“Mom?” You asked, but your question was quickly answered.

Wilden was standing in your kitchen, shirtless, a white towel wrapped around his waist.

“Oh my gosh,” you blinked in shock. What hell was this?

“Good morning. Want any eggs?” He said nonchalantly. Standing near the fridge.

You scoffed. Walking around him, “no thanks,”

A few seconds later, your mother walked in.

She studdered, “uh Darren, why don’t you head upstairs, I’ll take care of breakfast,”

He nodded, “yeah sure,” and left the kitchen.

“What does he live here now?” You said sarcastically to your mom.

“Give me a break, honey....” your mother sighed.

“Yeah..whatever. I’m going to John B’s,” you said bluntly, then hastily left the house.

Once joining the group, you were basically silent the whole time.

“So! Y/n, how was jail?” Kie asked, smiling.

“How..how did you know?” You asked, “JJ you literally suck at keeping ur mouth shut,”

“What?!” He laughed, “I used to be brag about corrupting the good girl. But now your a convict just like me,” JJ shrugged, implying that you shouldn’t care.

Truly you just didn’t want to be traced back to Wilden, you hated that connection you now had. Could it even turn into blackmail? It just made you sick.

“Did you know JJ was in that cell for 24 hours longer than y/n! That’s some sexism right there,” John B mentioned.

“Don’t joke about that, dude,” Pope scolded.

“What? It’s true.” He defended.

“Wait...JJ, your dad didn’t show up to-“ you were surprised he had spent the night in the cell.

“Yeah. They didn’t even call him. For some reason, you got special treatment,” JJ said, nudging your arm.

That’s when it hit you. Your mother probobly did this to keep you out of jail. You felt sick. Horrible of what you had to done to make your mother do what she did.

“Whoa...you okay Y/n/n?” JJ asks, nudging you again.

You flinched at his nudge, but tries crossing your arms to cover it up.

You didn’t answer.

“You got all pale,” Pope added.

“Y/n/n, are you okay?” JJ repeated.

“I need some air,” you blurted, then jumped up and walked away from the group out on the doc.

“But we are outside,” JJ grumbled.

“JJ go talk to her,” Kie suggested.

“Me? She doesn’t wanna talk to me,” JJ shut down.

“Yes, she does. Now talk to her,” Kie demanded.

JJ grumbled curses to himself, he didn’t like to go be forced into things. And he didn’t want you to see him as a guy who didn’t know what to say.

JJ took off his hat and fumbled with it, “I really don’t mind...the uh extra jail time. But if you were there...I could’ve asked you if your-“

“Jesus, JJ,” you sighed.

“What did I do?” JJ asked, sitting down text to you on the dock.

“It...it’s everything. Like...I don’t want you here, so leave,” you insulted. You really wanted him to stay, but not give him the opportunity to find out how dishonestly you got out of jail.

“Okay. Easy, done,” JJ stated. But instead of getting up and leaving you in the dust, he moved closer to you, his knee touching yours.

You started to cry, why did he care? The tears were falling so fast you missed a few falling down your cheek. One landing on JJ’s knee.

“She...I can’t..it’s just stupid. And I hate myself.” You stuttered. Between gasps.

JJ put his arm around you, “why?”

“Because... she,” you said quietly, “slept with him,”

JJ frowned, distancing you from him slightly, “the cop?! Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” you said disappointedly.

“God damn, Y/n.” He said shaking his head.

“Please don’t tell anyone, J. I don’t really know why I told you. I just I can trust you,” you sighed.

“Yeah...uh okay Y/n. I’m uh I’m gonna go,” he shrugged, then stood up.

“W-wait! I need you J, where do you have to go?” You asked innocently.

“Look, if you think I’m okay with this? I’m not. Sex with a cop? Are you fucking kidding? What about us? All summer!” JJ exclaimed.

“Hold on-“ you attempted to explain, because JJ thought it was you.

“No. You know what. I feel like shit for ever opening up to you. I need some space from you.” He said disgustedly.

You started balling again, “JJ. It wasn’t me! What’s wrong with you!” You said, deeply offended by that accusation. Both you and jj had slightly developed feelings for eachother, but denied them the whole summer.

No one ever acted on them.

“What’s wrong with me? You’re the slut!” JJ shouted.

“Excuse me?!” You screamed back, offended.

JJ sighed, he took off his red baseball hat and threw it on the ground.

“To me, Y/n, a slut sleeps with someone to get something out of it. And that’s what you fucking did,” JJ retaliated.

“Fuck you. It wasn’t even me,” you mumbled, walking past him and down the driveway.

You didn’t want to go home. You were planning on spending the night at John B’s, but JJ really hurt you.

JJ replayed the conversation in his head, trying to figure out what he missed.

He regretted shitting on you, name calling. That wasn’t him, and it certainly wasn’t you.

You never explicitly told him it was your mom, but JJ believed you, that it wasn’t you. Now you just needed to talk.

You arrived at your house after walking for nearly an hour. But you couldn’t go in, not when you saw a cop car parked outside.

This angered you. How could he be here again? How could your mother do this?

Suddenly, a car drove up behind you. You were afraid to look. In case it was another cop.

“Hey, Y/n,” you heard JJ’s voice call.

You were stubborn, so you didn’t turn around.

“I shouldn’t have called you that shit. And I shouldn’t have let you leave. Wanna...let me apologize with dinner? On me,” JJ beamed, pleading.

“That would be nice,” you fought a smile, hopping in the passenger seat next to him.

more JJ reads!

[infernal-fire]

I Can Save Everyone But Myself (2/3)

Warnings: fluff, angst, strong language, mentioned sexual themes, sort of CA: TWS and Far From Home spoilers.

Please do not interact with this blog if you are under the age of 18. Your media consumption is your responsibility.

Summary: Fighting the bad guys comes easy to James Buchanan Barnes. What will end him, is the fight against his will to be with you. 

Word Count: 2200

Here’s Part 1 in case you missed it. 

(This GIF does not belong to me)

The next day, Sam took Bucky to the barber and fixed up his hair. Sam was convinced Bucky was backtracking on his recovery which was going smoothly up till this point.

The car ride back to their place was quiet. Bucky looked out the window, subconsciously rubbing the nape of his neck, looking for the lost hair. 

“Why’d you do that man.”

Bucky looked straight ahead and lowered his eyes after a moment. “Don’t say I don’t know dude, I will punch you” Sam warned. 

“I didn’t grow out my hair willingly. I just never got to cut it when I was with HYDRA.” 

Sam drove without replying. They both knew he was lying. 

“You cut it because she said liked your hair.”

“Maybe.”

The car pulled over to the side of the road and a surprised Bucky turned to look at an exasperated Sam. “Why won’t you let yourself be happy? You know she likes you. What you’re doing is going to push her away.” Sam berated. He held the steering wheel and dropped his forehead onto it with a light thud. 

“I don’t want to hurt her,” Bucky mumbled.

“I’m done tryna’ convince you to move on from things that you had no control over. Come on. Just ask her out or something and if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t. She’s not the type to make it weird if it doesn’t work out,” Sam pleaded. He couldn’t help but feel like everything he was saying was going through one ear and coming out the other. 

“I don’t deserve her love Sam. I’m so fucked up, I have so many of my problems that I don’t want to drag her into.” Bucky sighed. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince his friend or himself. 

“I’m not saying you should pick her up and take her to the altar. All I need you to do is acknowledge to her that there is something more than friendship between you guys. Please Buck, man, don’t let something good go to waste.”

That was the end of the conversation. Sam could tell that only parts of what he said made into his friend’s thick skull. Bucky was too stubborn for his own good.  

///

The next time you saw Bucky was during the mission briefing. You were surprised to see he cut his hair. Regardless, you complimented him.

“Sweet look, Buck.”

Bucky involuntarily beamed at you and you grinned back. You sat down, waiting for Fury to begin the debriefing. He tried not to make it obvious, but Sam noticed his friend lose brain cells over deciding where to sit. He nudged him in Y/N’s direction and took his own seat, waiting to see if he would listen to him and sit beside her. 

Bucky considered his options again before sitting far away from Y/N. Sam smacked his forehead and groaned. 

“Don’t start groaning just yet,” Fury chuckled as he entered the room. The debriefing began and Nick rambled on, but you couldn’t stop thinking about how Buck chose to sit away from you. 

“And we have an unofficial new addition to the Avengers. His name is Mysterio, and he is currently working with Peter Parker to stop the Elementals,” Maria Hill announced “The final Elemental is what we’ll need help fighting against.” 

The three of you looked at each before Sam spoke up. 

“What can a super soldier, a bird-man and an assassin do to stop an elemental monster?”

“Mysterio will be leading the mission. He has dealt with this before and has an idea of how you can help. You’re flying to London and you leave tonight.” Fury concluded and dismissed everyone. 

That night, everyone regrouped at the quinjet and put away their belongings in overhead cabins. You struggled to put up your luggage and Bucky watched. He wanted to come over and help, he really did; but it was best if he just stayed away. “Bucky?” your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

“Can you..” you gestured at your suitcase. “Uh no, I’m… busy” he blurted before walking off to the front of the jet. 

“Ignore that idiot” Sam interrupted and helped you. “Did I do something Sam?” you asked. 

“It’s nothing Y/N, he’s just being weird. This is why I don’t take him out in public” he laughed and you awkwardly laughed along. Your anxiety grew as you thought back to anything you may have done that set Buck off. 

You couldn’t be happier to land, stretching as you got out. You gathered your belongings and made your way to the hotel. 

“Y/N! Wait!” Sam called after you. 

“Mission is in 2 days. You wanna’ check out the bars nearby?”

You thought about it before agreeing. It didn’t seem like such a good idea but you thought it'd be better to accompany Sam rather than sulk in your room. Bucky caught up to the two of you before Sam walked off with him, discussing what places they would visit tomorrow. You didn’t miss the way he completely ignored you.

When you greeted the boys again, the smile on your face wasn’t fooling anyone; both of them knew you were sad about Bucky’s sudden shift in behaviour. They reached the bar and you left to go to the bathroom. 

“You’re not protecting her. You’re flat out hurting her right now. Stop the charade and talk to her, please.” Sam chided. 

“After the mission, I’ll talk to her.” Bucky argued.

“Just… allow yourself to be a happy man. Only good people worry about being bad.” Sam said as he produced Asgardian liquor out of his pocket. 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Bucky downed a shot, ignoring Sam’s glare.

When you joined them again, Bucky downed his second shot. You listened to Sam and Bucky engaging in conversation about the Elementals, when a guy came up to you and offered to buy you a drink. You heard Bucky go silent in mid-conversation. 

“Hey, could I buy you a drink? If you’re alone that is,” the guy referred to Sam and Bucky. 

“Oh, these are my friends, Sam and Bucky. You can buy me a drink,” you greeted, adding a warm smile for good measure.

Time passed and Bucky was getting tired of hearing him make you laugh. It seemed platonic enough but he couldn’t think straight with the liquid courage swirling around his head. He wasn’t paying attention to what Sam was saying and walked over to the nearest girl. 

At the end of the night, you said goodbye to the nice guy, declining the exchange of phone calls. You ignored Bucky, who kept burning holes into the back of your head. He was the one who repeatedly pushed you away today. It wasn’t to get back at him, but you didn’t mind getting him a little jealous if it’ll push him in the right direction. 

What you didn’t notice was Bucky getting up and flirting with a girl nearby. Sam watched as Bucky pulled out all of his tricks from the 40s. The air-headed girl giggled at everything he said, practically hanging off of him by the end of the night. They left before Sam asked Y/N to leave. The Falcon was a smart guy but the one thing he didn’t know how to do was lie; when you asked where Bucky was, he barely managed to tell you that he went back to the room, omitting the part about the girl. 

You reached the hotel and upon nearing your rooms, which was lined up beside each other, you heard the unmistakable sound of moaning and grunting. Bucky’s name was muffled, but screamed by whoever was inside the room. 

You stilled and looked at his hotel door before quietly slipping into your own room and breaking down. Sam didn’t call after you when he himself didn’t know what to say - there was no excusing Bucky’s behaviour. Whatever happened to talking to her after the mission, he thought as he willed himself to walk away from the sound of your crying. 

The next day, you ignored the girl that walked out of Bucky’s room and headed for the breakfast bar. Bucky and Sam showed up a few minutes later and no one said anything as they sat down with their food. Everyone ate in silence, unsure of what to say. Once you were done, you worked up the courage to say what you were wording in your head throughout the duration of the breakfast. 

“I thought you and I had something before you started acting all weird Buck.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You avoided me right after I complimented you at the debriefing, you refused to help in the quinjet and then you hook up with some random girl at the bar? I thought we were going somewhere with this.” You tried to avoid his gaze, a feeble attempt at ensuring you didn't cry but it was too late. Unwarranted tears trickled onto your plate and shirt. “And you cut your hair after I told you I like it. Don’t think I didn’t notice Buck.” you wiped your tears and waited for an answer.

“I didn’t cut my hair because of you. There’s no need to make this about you.” 

You looked at him in disbelief while Sam dropped his fork and stared his friend down. 

“I don’t know what made you think at this,” he pointed at himself and you, “was going anywhere. Because I didn’t even know this was a thing.” 

“Right.” you choked out. “Well since this isn’t going anywhere, I’m gonna’ head out with Maria. Have fun banging random chicks.” 

With that, you got up and left the room.

Neither of them said anything. 

They sat in silence for god-knows-how-long until Sam broke the silence. 

“All this time, you try to prove to everyone that you’re a good person and no one believed it. You were scared of being a bad person, well congratulations. You are a horrible person. You hurt the only person who never questioned whether you were good or not.” Sam got up and left too.

Bucky slouched into his chair and blinked. He was supposed to feel numb but felt like crying and crying until his body had no life left in it. He told himself that he did what needed to be done. 

The super soldier spent the day walking around London - a lot had changed since the war. He pulled out his camera to take a picture of the Big Ben. When he flicked back to take a look at the shot, he saw the picture of Y/N resting on his lap while his arm draped over her. He remembered that day and thought back to the intimate conversation you had with him about Tony. A stray teardrop reminded him of what he said this morning. 

“What am I doing?” he questioned himself and began running back to the hotel. 

He reached your door and breathlessly called out for you, knocking on your door. You opened the door to reveal your red eyes and a stuffy nose, surely a byproduct of relentless crying. He pulled you into his arms and you began crying again with your head nestled into his chest. He walked in while holding you and closed the door behind him. Picking you up bridal style, he walked over to your bed and laid you on it before climbing in and snuggling you. 

“Asshole, I’m still mad at you” you reminded him. He smiled lightly, kissed your forehead and pulled you closer. “I’ll make it up to you doll. I’m sorry” he promised. 

“Sam told me everything. You deserve a good life Buck. The Winter Soldier and you are two different people. Please,” you sobbed harder, “Stop hurting me. You deserve a good life too.” You tried to look up at him but he kept his chin on top of your head, refusing to meet your eyes in fear of crying. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart” he repeated before delicately shushing you to sleep. 

When you woke up, Bucky was nowhere to be found and it was 8 PM. You checked your phone to see that Sam had reserved a table for dinner.

You reached the restaurant and Bucky was waiting at the front. He gave you a soft smile before wordlessly walking you to the table. You weren’t sure where you two stood right now, but it was better than not speaking at all. You contemplated whether the incident at the hotel was a proper apology or not. 

“I’m glad no one was in the breakfast room for our little scuffle.” Sam teased as you both sat down. 

“I’m not gonna’ lie, I would shit my pants if the Falcon and White Wolf were arguing in a breakfast bar,” you remarked and settled further into your chair. The three of you were laughing before a sudden movement out of the corner of your eyes stopped you.

Someone splashed water onto Bucky’s face. “YOU MURDERER! YOU KILLED MY DAD YOU ASSHOLE,” the guy grabbed Bucky by his shirt collar. “FUCKING WINTER SOLDIER, DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER HIM?” Sam pulled the guy off of Bucky and tried to calm him down but he wasn’t having any of it. He repeatedly spat insults at the ex-Winter Soldier before he was escorted out by the security. You tried to hold Bucky’s hand but he recoiled from your touch. He wiped wetness off his face and you couldn't tell if it was his tears or the water. He stalked off to the exit before sprinting out of the restaurant. 

You called after him with no avail. Sam and you shared a hopeless glance between each other and ran off to find Bucky.

a/n: oh bonky :’(

if you want to be added to a tag list, fill out the form in my bio or shoot me a message!

[laukora1030]

Captain America: The First Avenger pt. 2

First off, spoilers if you’ve never seen the movies and you want to. And, english IS NOT my first language, so excuse me if I make mistakes.

Y’all, this specific scene reminds me of that scene where Elastigirl is trapped in all those doors and she kicks the guys’ asses. Like, tell me you saw Steve hitting this guy’s head with the door and your mind didn’t immediately take you to Elastigirl. Or was it only me? Just me? Ok, let’s keep on going.

Nvm, I found out why it reminds me so much of that scene. They’re dressed the same way!

Can we acknowledge how awkward Steve’s interaction with the imprisoned soldiers is? Who told him it was a good idea to say “I’m Captain America” to these people? Although fair, he did get them out rather quickly and he is technically Captain America, but I don’t know, it’s weird. Steeb, you liar, you haven’t knocked Hitler out at all.

I love Steve’s loyalty to Bucky. It gets annoying in the next movies, but in this movie it just shows me how alone Steve was and how important Bucky was to him, because when you have very little people who care for you, your instincts will always be to protect them. 

I love the soldiers just wrecking havoc outside. It’s a fun scene seeing them fight back and use HYDRA’s weapons. How much property do you think they destroyed? Because I keep on wondering, did this act of rebellion from Steeb help turn the tide just a little bit?

There is a similarity between Red Skull and future Steve, and that is that, when they believe there is something more important than anything else, they are willing to sacrifice everyone and everything else for that. In this case, Schmidt was ready to destroy the entire base when he realized he was not going to win, just to save the studies, and future Steve was ready to endanger thousands of people to end HYDRA (CATWS), and to save Bucky (CACW). 

I feel sad for Bucky. He was tortured back in the 40s, then for 70 years, and then he died and came back to life, how does one survive that? He is one strong man, but I just, his entire life saddens me.

I wonder what Bucky thought after he heard Red Skull call Steve Captain America. I would find it hilarious, even in that situation, but that’s just my weird ass talking. Why did Schmidt think he was Erskine’s greatest success when he looks red and Steve looks like this:

America, explain.

Another note to self: Schmidt is a bitch, but I love his car and I would go back in time to the 40s to steal it. 

Bucky is so brave, though. He was tortured, experimented on, completely weak, and still, he put on a brave face and crossed that thing (I have no idea what they’re called) at a steady face, knowing that it could have fallen way before it did. Thanks to the Russo’s I had forgotten how much I loved Bucky Barnes. He is a great character. 

Let’s talk about how pure of heart, dumb of ass Steve is. He had no idea he was gonna survive his little stunt jump, yet he did it with little hesitation because “I have to get my friend out of here”. Pure of heart, dumb of ass. 

I can’t begin to imagine Peggy’s pain when she heard Phillips say that Steve was dead. Especially because if he was dead it would most definitely mean she would have no protection against whatever punishment Phillips saw fit for her actions. And yet she just won’t back down, because she knew she did the right thing. 

The scene where Steve gets back with the 107th is such a great scene, because it shows exactly what Steve is made of. He has a strong mindset, he will fight for what he believes in, and he would do anything for others. It’s a powerful scene.

I wonder if Steve unconsciously wanted the praise he got at that moment. He was the small guy his entire life, the one who was beat and punched on a daily basis, and for once in his life he was being praised for something he thought he deserved. I think that deep down this is exactly what he wanted: recognition.

I wonder if Bucky’s face when Steve stopped looking at him was because he thought he lost his friend, because he was jealous, or because he thought he wasn’t needed anymore. Bucky and Steve grew up together, and when you see a friend you’ve always helped become something better when you’re not with them, I think that can seriously mess you up, especially if you feel like they don’t need you anymore, because, after all, they thrived after you left. I don’t believe he was that jealous, though. Yeah, he used to be the strong guy girls would look at, and now he wasn’t, but I’m inclined to believe it’s my third option. He was so used to going around saving Steve from his death wish (that’s what I call it, because I’m still surprised he survived all those years getting punched), that now he sees Steve save him and save everyone else, and he knows that, were Steve asked to go alone to a fight, he would not be able to do anything. 

Steeb, you lil’ bitch, I know you don’t like cameras and stages, but that’s a medal of valour, I think it’s very important. 

Can we talk about how hot Steve Rogers looks with his army suit? Because he does. Also, as I’ve said before, he ain’t dumb, so, if everything got enhaced with the serum, he must definitely had his intelligence amplified, and I like to believe that he has photographic memory, that’s why he could remember the map he saw when he saved Bucky. 

I’m sorry, but what the fuck Steve? Who gave you permission to look like this?

(You’re welcome)

I like his team. Steve was always a good leader (I’m not even gonna touch CACW), he knew who to trust and who to take with him. Besides, like I said before, he is a great strategist. I think that’s what makes him such a great leader. 

I guess I get why y’all ship Stucky. I don’t ship them, I love their friendship (once again, I’m not even gonna touch CACW with a ten miles pole), and I think they’re sweet, so  I guess I can understand the ship.

Peggy Carter in a red dress is all I never knew I needed. She looks like a queen that will definitely punch you in the face if you deserve it. 

I love the bar scene. The music is lovely, Bucky’s awkwardness is hilarious, Steeb and Peggy flirting is sweet as heck, and Bucky’s “I’m invisible. I’m turning into you, it’s like a horrible dream” it’s the perfect dialogue. 

Okay, how did Howard get all of that glass on his face and didn’t get more than one single cut? Is he stronger than he looks or is it just movie magic? I guess we’ll never know. 

Awkward Steeb is lovely as heck. But I don’t like the blonde. I guess it’s because I am not a fan of stolen kisses, I feel they would make someone uncomfortable. 

Note to self: finally, a movie in sepia tones that isn’t situated in Mexico!

Coming back to the movie: the whole scene with the blonde woman is so freaking awkward. It was totally unnecessary. Like yeah, I get it was to show a jealous Peggy, but ugh, I hate it. Steeb looks son out of his element, it gives me that je ne sais quoi.

Note to self, again: if I ever want to date a woman, make sure not to talk to them the way Steeb did when talking about Peggy and Stark. Steeb, you idiot. 

Gotta go back on track. 

Stark said

The scene where Peggy shoots Steve’s shield used to make me laugh so hard when I was younger. Now it makes me irrationally angry. Peggy more so than anyone should know that bullets ricochet, she was lucky she that the bullets didn’t hit someone else after hitting the shield and just fell to the floor. 

Three things about the different scenes after this last one, the one where Steve and the Howling Commandos raid all HYDRA and Nazi bases they can: Steve looks so cool on his suit, I love Red Skull’s car, and the Howling Commandos are amazing. 

This is still sweet:

Bucky Barnes with a rifle could kill me any day, thank you. Also, I love this scene, it’s such an emblematic CA scene:

Oh oh, the train scene’s coming up next. What do I do now? Do I watch it, do I cry, do I suffer in silence (evidently no)? I was not prepared for this. I regret all my decisions up till this moment.

I’m never gonna get tired of saying that Steve is an amazing strategist. Just so y’all know, if it was me over the train, I would’ve already fallen to my inevitable death. Is it already clear enough that I love James Barnes more than I probably should? No? Then excuse me while I scream into the void aout how much I love this man. Also, him with short hair? 100/10 would recommend again. 

I love how battered (I think I used the right word) Steve’s shield is. It’s a representation of his battles and it’s, I don’t know, it’s calling me. I guess I love when something shows everything they’ve gone through.

Ahhhhhh, THAT part is coming and I’m not ready!!!!! James Barnes, if you read this, I love you. It’s a painful scene to watch, if I’m being honest. Steve loves this man, in my opinion, as a brother, and seeing him at death’s door, you can see the pain on their expressions, one knows they’re gonna die, and the other one knows they’re gonna lose their brother. I don’t think I’d be the same person if that happened to me. And Steve’s cries, bitch, my heart.

That killed me, sorry. 

I still admire Zola’s intelligence, and his sneakiness with the whole SHIELDRA thing. Like, I hate that bitch and I hope he died a very painful death, but he is a great character and I enjoy his scenes. 

Who eats steak with milk? I just wanna know, find me behind the Denny’s. 

I like the whole Zola and phillips scene, it makes sense, because of course he’d want to live. But tell me how you look at someone in the eyes and expect them to believe some bullshit about gods and infinite power? At least Phillip took the whole “his goal is everything” comment, because I sure as hell wouldn’t’ve. 

Red Skull’s little speech about the Valkyrie is okay, I guess, but he mentions something that reminded me strongly of CATWS. He said “If they shoot down one plane, hundreds more will rain fire upon them.” I’m just thinking about the Helicarriers that were supposed to just, ya know, kill everyone that posed a threat to HYDRA. I think it’s a good parallel. 

Note to self, again: I’m not gonna get tired of asking who was the idiot who decided to name this division HYDRA, made their slogan “if they cut off one head, two more shall take its place” then had their logo be an octopus without two extremities. Who do I have to fight?

I love the scene where everyone is screaming Hail HYDRA, because it shows you that, like Steve, Schmidt has presence, and a powerful voice, and he knows how to make people share his ideals. I enjoy it very much.

I feel sorry for Steve. I, listening to him talk to Peggy when he clearly has been crying, telling her that he cannot get drunk, which means that he’s tried it already, it’s a painful scene to watch. Chris Evans is such an amazing actor. He can emulate feelings so easily. Seeing him cry and suffer, God, it pains my heart. I honestly didn’t remember this scene, and to watch it without warning, well, it made me sadder than Bucky’s actual death.

“I’m not gonna stop until ol of HYDRA is dead or captured.” Brings a new light to CATWS for me, what about you?

I will leave it here, mostly because this shit is getting longer than I expected it to be. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did. See you tomorrow.

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 47

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: last filler chapter. the next 3 chapters are all planned. this is the end omg im so sad! i love you guys so much for sticking to this story! thank you so so much! the others chapters will be separated in two so i can write each POVs :)

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : this is, i believe, the last request i’ll add to this story. thank you times a million to all of you who sent some! I received over 200 requests just for YOU&ME! you guys are incredible and i hope youll want to participate to my next story as much as you did for this one! 

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 47 : His chapter

NIALL

October 2018

Tour was finally over and we were back home. We had decided to get back to California for a while, if only to spend some time with friends and relax. I knew Olivia wanted to be around Louis and I just enjoyed being in LA for obvious reasons. Things had never been better between us but at least once a day, I could feel the ring I bought burning in my pocket or whispering to me from my underwear drawer. It always felt like the right time to get on one knee and ask her and at the same time, it also never felt like it was the perfect moment. I knew it was ridiculous because I was pretty sure she wanted to spend her life with me, but I was scared of being rejected, I was scared of what a 'no' would do to us and to our relationship. So many times, I had looked in her eyes and almost dropped down on one knee to ask her to be my wife, but I never did. I liked to believe I hadn't asked her yet because I knew she deserved something bigger than just me giving her a ring in a hotel room while we're waiting for our ride to the airport, but it was definitely not the biggest problem. I was just fucking scared and every time the words were about to come out of my mouth, I'd swallow them. I had no idea who I was trying to fool : Olivia was never the type to enjoy attention or extravagant things. She was reserved and private, pretty much like me, and I knew my proposal didn't have to be anything wild. It could be simple, and cheesy, and as long as I could find the right words, it would be perfect.

I heard the key in the lock and it took me out of my thoughts, pushing away my inner confusion. I waited until the door opened and she appeared, making my lips curl. She made a quick head movement but everything seemed to go on slow motion, like in a movie, and i watched her hair fly behind her shoulder. I was in it so deep I almost groaned and grimaced at how cheesy I was.

"Hey babe, what are you doing?"

I breathed in deeply, realizing I had completely stopped, and sent her a smile, licking my lips.

"Waiting for you like the loser I am." I half-joked before chuckling. "You were with Louis? How's he?"

She smiled at me and took a step closer, tilting her head. "First off, you're not a loser. You're cute. You're sweet. You're super endearing." she just said, staring at me fondly. Her expression changed and she glanced down, sucking on her bottom lip before putting her purse next to the couch. "I was not with... I didn't spend the night with Louis."

I frowned, waiting for her to continue and when her eyes met mine, I knew it was bad.

"I went to dinner with Dylan."

My lips parted and my heart jumped in my chest. I was never the jealous type and I was not about to start now, right? Then why did something seemed to stir in my stomach? Why was there a lump in my throat that had seemed to appear suddenly?

"No way, tell me you're kiddin'."

"Niall, please-"

"No, don't act like this is normal and that I'm stupid to be angry." i cut her, shaking my head. "I can't believe you spent all this time alone with Dylan."

She sighed again and sat on the couch, rubbing her hands on her eyes. I walked closer and dived my hands in my pockets, trying to remain calm but the truth was, I was hurt and I was not sure what all of this meant. All I knew was that I felt betrayed and I could barely believe we'd have to go through something like this again. This time, the roles seemed to be reversed but I didn't want this to break us.

"Obviously, you knew it was wrong since you purposely omitted to tell me." I continued, pressing my lips together to be sure I wouldn't let out a mean remark. "Why did you do that to me, Liv?"

It took her a few seconds but she finally got up very slowly, right in front of me. Her body was close, so close I could feel the warmth of it on my skin, but I just stared in her eyes, feeling my heart soften at the way she was looking at me.

"I don't love him, you know it." she expressed in a soft tone. "I don't love anyone but you. He's still my friend, and also my co-worker. I probably shouldn't have gone with him, especially not without telling you, but... I don't know, Niall."

I stared at her for what felt like an hour as I tried to calm the beatings of my heart and finally passed one of my hands in my hair and sat down on the couch. She turned around to face me but remained up as I shook my head.

"I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't be friends with, and I do trust you." I let out carefully. "But Olivia, how would you feel if i came back here one night and told you I spent the evening with Heidi?"

I could feel her body tense near mine but I didn't look up at her. I waited and eventually, she sat next to me and reached for my hand on my thigh, squeezing my fingers with both her hands.

"I'd feel betrayed, and sad, and... and hurt." she admitted. "I'm sorry Niall, it was wrong of me."

I brought my other hand and placed it over hers, squeezing her hand and brushing my thumb on the top of it.

"If it can reassure you though, Dylan is seeing someone." she added, making me look up in her eyes. "A pretty blonde. Actress too. Not your type, obviously, but I think they really fit."

"Not my type?" I repeated in an amused tone, raising my eyebrows. "Says who?"

"Your dating history." she explained with a chuckle. "She's a small cute blonde and you like tall and sexy brunettes."

I pressed my lips together again and shook my head. "Naa, that's not true anymore." I just shrugged, making her frown. "I just like one sexy brunette."

She laughed and tilted her head. "You're crazy, I'm not sex-"

I cut her by pressing my palm against her mouth and raising my eyebrows, moving slightly closer. My eyes roamed on her again as something jumped in my stomach. I wanted to ask her to marry me at this exact moment. I wanted to tell her she was everything I needed in this life and that my heart was aching for her to become my wife. Instead, I breathed in and finally swallowed.

"Don't argue with me. You're sexy." I whispered before moving my hand away very slowly. "And I love you."

She licked her lips and the left corner of her lips raised up. "Your love is blinding you." she whispered, moving closer to brush her lips against mine. "But I appreciate it. I love you too."

She kissed me so gently that if I had closed my eyes, it would have felt unreal, and when she pulled away, I saw her facial expression change.

"I'm sorry, Niall. That won't ever happen again." she apologized gently in a soft tone.

"I know." I whispered before suddenly realizing something. "Hey, does that mean he broke up with Heidi?"

Her lips curled and she shrugged. "Yea, that's what he told me tonight. I feel a bit sorry for her, she's been through a lot in the past few weeks."

I stared at her for a few seconds, surprised by her words but at the same time a bit impressed. The fact that she could be empathetic even to people who were mean to her was something I appreciated. Of course, we hadn't been too kind to Heidi either and Liv was not wrong, she had been through a lot, even if it was not all on us and that she had put us through a lot too. Still, I felt my lips curl and she tilted her head before sighing as she turned her upper body my way.

"It's horrible what we all did to each other, don't you think?"

My traits softened and I nodded. "It is." I admitted in a low tone. "Let's just use this so we never do that again."

Her lips curled a bit and she licked them slowly as I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me. Her arms slithered around my neck and I sent her an amused smile.

"It won't ever happen again." she confessed, tilting her chin up. "I plan to spend the rest of my life with you, and only you."

Her words made me chuckle and I raised my eyebrows, still looking at her, "Oh what a coincidence, I plan the same with you."

I brought one of my hands to her cheek before pressing my forehead against hers. She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes. It made me smile and gently, I rubbed my nose against hers, making her chuckle low.

"Shower?" I proposed in a low tone.

"Mm no, a bath. Together."

I laughed a bit but we ended up in the bathroom together as she filled the tub with warm water. I let my eyes roam on her as she got undressed, leaving her clothes on the cold tiles, and when her eyes met mine, she raised her eyebrows. The left corner of my lips raised up into a cheeky smile and she just shook her head but I took a step closer, placing my hands on her waist and making her smile too.

"Fifteen minutes without thinking about sex. Please." she asked, tilting her head and making me laugh.

"But you're just standing naked in front of me I mean..."

"Niall James Horan, you're not sixteen anymore, you can be around a naked girl without feeling the need to shag her, i'm sure!"

"Around any other girl, yea, but when it's you..." I let out, half-joking and making her roll her eyes.

"Come on, get naked too." she let out as she started working on my pants. I helped her take them off and before she could do it, I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over my head, letting fall on the pile of her clothing on the floor. "Alright, seeing you in your usual white boxers does something to me." she admitted, bringing her hand to my cock over my boxers and biting her bottom lip.

"Look who's all horny now." I laughed as she got on her tiptoes to kiss my lips, letting go of me and smiling against my mouth. "Come on, get in the tub."

After a few minutes, I was sitting in the tub, legs spread, and she was sitting between them, her back leaned against my chest. I didn't remember us ever doing that before but I enjoyed it a lot more that I thought I would. We started talking and laughing together and it was exactly like when we were younger and we'd spend all night talking together. Well, almost : the younger versions of us were definitely not naked.

"I can't believe we're dating again." she let out after a while as her thumb brushed gently on my arm. "If someone had told me that a few months ago, I wouldn't have believed it. Who would have thought?"

"Me." I replied before she moved slightly to look at me. "I mean, I wrote 'you and me' about that. I knew we were meant to be, and I've always known I wanted to spend my life with you."

I knew this discussion could go wrong but I had to be honest about all of this.

"I could have refused, you know. I could have been over you by then." she argued calmly. "I thought I was. But then you appeared with that stupid gorgeous mug of yours, that fucking insane smile and those ridiculously incredible eyes..." She shook her head. "I had no chance to win that fight."

I let out a loud laugh and she tilted her head to reach my chin with her lips, leaving a small kiss on my skin.

"When I found out you were getting married... I started doubting everything." I admitted, looking down at my hand moving slowly to bring warm water on her skin after seeing her shiver. "I thought maybe it was too late. But I couldn't seem to give up."

We remained silent for a while until she grabbed my hand and squeezed my fingers tight. "I'm glad you didn't."

"Me too." I whispered. "And I feel so lucky that you gave me an other chance."

Once again, she turned around slightly but this time, I moved my chin down to kiss her lips.

"We don't even have an anniversary date." she pointed out, raising her eyebrows at me.

"Of course we do! It's April 16th of this year."

I felt my heart jump at my words and held my breath. April 16th was the day I bought that promise ring for her in Paris. It was when I decided that I wanted to marry her and that I would ask her to be my wife. Since that day, I had almost asked her so many times I couldn't count anymore. I hadn't dropped on one knee yet but I knew that I would at some point, and April 16th was the day I realized that. Some days I would bring the ring with me in my pocket, some other days it would stay in one of the drawers in our room, but it was always in the back of my mind. I obviously couldn't tell her that and when she turned around an other time to frown at me, I suddenly remembered something she had said.

"Y-Yea, I mean you don't remember?" I stammered. "There was an article about that earring you gave me and you said that you didn't care that people knew we were together."

We had also mentioned not being official the day after, I remembered that too. but I decided not to mention it. I was pretty sure she had mentioned that we were together but I was also aware it was probably just a bad choice of words. She was right, we didn't have an anniversary date, but I hoped that it would become that date if only because it was a big day for me and I hoped it would become a big day for her, too.

"I don't remember, but I trust you." she just shrugged before her lips curled. "Alright, April 16th, then."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and I kissed her gently but firmly again, making her chuckle against my mouth. I could have spent the whole night with her body pressed on me as we chilled in hot water but after a while, we got out, dried ourselves and got back to our room to put on pajamas.

"I'll make us some tea." she proposed as we walked back to the living room and she finally disappeared in the kitchen.

I sat on the couch and started looking for the remote on the coffee table. I was about to give up when something caught my eyes and I grabbed her notebook. It was similar to mine but of a different color and I knew she wrote ideas for her tv show or her future book in it. I was about to ignore it when I realized it was open and I could have sworn I had seen my surname. Without thinking, I grabbed it and a smile appeared quickly on my face when I saw 'Olivia Horan' scribbled everywhere on a page, surrounded by hearts and stars. It seemed like she had tried to create a signature with her future name and it made me think about the ring in my drawer. If I was scared she wouldn't accept, that notebook was a good clue that her answer would probably be positive. I put it away when I heard noise and leaned against the couch as I watched her walk slowly up to me to make sure she wouldn't spill our hot beverages and I thanked her as I grabbed a mug. She sat next to me and our eyes met before our lips curled. I couldn't believe how happy I was.

"I love you, Niall. I'm... I'm glad we're dating now." she admitted before taking a sip.

"Me too, petal. I'm happy you accepted to be my girlfriend again."

                                                     ---

December 2018

When Liv told me she was spending the day with Julia, I was a bit surprised, but the truth was, I enjoyed the fact that these two got along so well. She said she wouldn't be home late but I knew how she could get and when Louis proposed that we grabbed a bite (and a few pints, of course)  together, I jumped on the occasion.

I knew Louis had become Olivia's best friend and even if we used to be very close, I was fine with that. Somehow, they had been through a lot together, and I knew it was partially my fault : they probably wouldn't be that close if I hadn't broken up with Liv. Of course, they'd still be friends, since they were before we broke up, but I knew their pain brought them closer and it was obvious that nothing could tear them apart now.

I was also slowly but surely getting over the fact that Louis and her had sex a few times. I was not sure how often but I was sure I didn't want to know and anyway, i couldn't blame her or him. It had happened and I had to live with that fact. Besides, I knew there was nothing between them anymore.

I smiled when I saw Louis walk in the restaurant and got up to hug him before we both sat back down. We ordered beer and when we got them, we clinked our glasses together and drank half of it. It was weird to think I was with Olivia's best friend and she was actually hanging out with mine, but the fact that we appreciated each other's entourage was perfect.

"So, Neil, how are things for you?" he asked, playing with his beer and turning it around in his hands. "Where's my queen tonight?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, amused. "Your queen is with Julia, but she's not supposed to come back home too late. She'll text me. Where's El?"

"Gone for a few days."

"Ah. That's why you called me." I pointed out before laughing when I saw his face. "It's ok Tommo, I get it."

"I'm thinking you're ding quite well these days." he pointed out, ignoring my last comment. "When are you gonna pop the question?"

I almost choked on my beer and wiped my mouth on my shoulder before swallowing hard and making Louis laugh.

"We've just been taking bets on that." he continued, shrugging a shoulder.

"We?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Liam and I. Trying to bring Harry in it but he says it's none of our business."

"I've always thought Harry was the smartest of my bandmates." I joked, making Louis laugh again.

"Oh yea, you definitely thought that when he was balls deep in your best friend's fanny right?"

"Shut up, Tommo!" I frowned as he laughed again. "He probably shagged her less times than you did."

Louis took an other big sip of his drink. "Touché." he shrugged again before chuckling. "Not sure what it says about the relationship they had, though."

I raised my nose up in a grimace and drank what was left of my beer. I didn't really want to have this discussion and I decided to change the subject.

"Well, I don't know which bet you took, but I hope you lose." I admitted as I looked through my pocket, taking out the ring and placing it right in the middle of the table.

Louis' eyes got bigger and he moved closer, bending down to look it it without daring to touch it. I stopped the waitress to order us two other beers and a few shots and when I turned back to my friend. he was still staring at the ring like he didn't know what it was. I snatched it quickly, taking him out of his thoughts, and put it in my little finger to stare at it.

"I've thought about asking her so many times." I confessed, my eyes still on the ring. "But it never feels like the right time."

"I know you're a romantic man, Niall but... will there ever be a right time?" Louis said gently, making me sigh. "Aren't you just a bit scared that she'll say no and leave?"

I groaned and closed my eyes before raising my nose up in a grimace again. "Maybe."

He was right, I knew it, but at the same time, i wanted to make it special for her. I wanted it to be something that she'd remember forever, something she couldn't forget even if she tried. I wanted to express my feelings to her and tell her everything she wanted and needed to hear, just to make her happy. I had tried to write down the right words but everything seemed cliché and cheesy.

"Do it. She's your soulmate. I can't make up a scenario in my head where she'd actually say 'no'." he continued. "I think deep down, you know I'm right."

I looked up and sighed again, putting the ring back in my pocket.

"I don't know anymore, I just don't want to take her for granted, you know?" I shrugged. "I've done that before and it messed up everything. Never again."

"That doesn't mean you can't be confident and believe in the love she has for you."

I frowned a bit as I stared at him. "Are you trying to win your bet against Liam by making me ask Olivia to marry me?"

"No." Louis chuckled, leaning against his chair. "I just think you've been hesitant for too long. When exactly did you buy this ring?"

"Mm, well, about, 8 months ago?"

Just saying it out loud sounded ridiculous. Had I been waiting that long? It was almost pathetic. How scared of rejection could a guy be? Seriously. I had never reacted like that in anything I did before, and I was always the confident type, but asking Olivia to marry me was something that made me so nervous I could feel my hands sweat and I passed one of them in my hair.

"8 months? Are you fucking insane? How did you manage to keep that secret?"

"I don't even know." I mumbled in a low tone, staring at my glass, not daring to check Louis' amused expression.

"Niall, we're talking about Olivia. The girl you've known all your life, the girl who's been in love with you since the very first day she found out what love was. Put your big boy pants on and pop the fucking question before that fucking ring starts to get rusty!"

"It's made of gold...."

He rolled his eyes and kicked me under the table, making me groan again as I moved my leg away. Damn, that kid could kick.

"Don't be a fookin' idiot, mate, and just ask her."

I finally looked up in his eyes and he raised his eyebrows at me. He was right but at the same time, I didn't know when I should do it. I wanted to do something special, or at least slightly romantic, but all I could think about were ugly clichés from movies. Nothing original came to mind and it was driving me insane.

"Alright. Soon." I gave in. "I'll do it soon."

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

TW // Mention of suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, self harm, alcohol, drug use, eating disorder

First of all I am so sorry this has to be the first letter of the year, I wanted this year to have a great start, I really wanted this letter to be about how excited I am/was about my future and all the things I´ve learned about life and myself for these past months but if I don’t get this out of my head I will just feel worse.

You see I was genuinely feeling better, I was reading, I cut my hair as I always wanted and also making peace with my body and trying to eat healthy without skipping any of my meals. I know this doesn’t seem like a lot but for me it’s the happiest I’ve ever been in years. I guess I could say 2020 wasn’t that bad for me although it’s just because 2019 was one of the worst years. In fact, I wrote you a letter about all the things that happened to me that year, that has to be here somewhere among all these letters, and long story short I relapsed on self harm, I wasn’t eating, I had a lot of suicidal thoughts and it was just horrible.

The worst part of all was a day after Christmas that I was having dinner with my family, they started talking about something I don’t remember and somehow they end up talking about myself and how I never tell them about my problems and they started asking questions and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I was thinking of which part of my fucked up life to talk about, would it be the suicidal thoughts? or the way my classmates fucked up my reputation because I didn’t like back one of those boys? or maybe about all the abusive relationships I’ve had with boys who treat me like shit and make me feel so little? or perhaps about how I felt in love with a girl in high school and since then I realized I’m bisexual? or what about the eating disorder I developed at 13?

I felt like I was gonna explode if I didn’t tell them the truth so I chose the suicidal thoughts and I thought maybe it had to happen so I can finally receive the help that I needed.  I have never cried like that day, my throat hurt like the words were burning me, I couldn’t breath, my heart was racing and at the same time I felt a bit of liberation.

My parents cried too, they said some things I don’t remember anymore. I guess the only thing I remember now it’s they said: “don’t worry, we’re gonna get you help.” And for once I trusted them and waited but the help never came. To this day they act as if it has never happened, I didn’t tell anybody about that, not even my closest friends, but I keep thinking about that day. I can’t look into my father’s eyes without thinking he’s pity about me, or being alone with my mother because I’m afraid she talks about it and said I’m just faking it or that it’s just because of hormones, I can’t even sit in the place at the table that used to be mine since I was a kid, I can’t have a single moment of joy with my siblings because I always think I’m supposed to take care of them, not them taking care of me. I think I failed to both of them and they’re who I love most in this world.

I know it’s pathetic I can’t stop reliving that terrific day but I’m just mad as fuck with myself and my parents, and everyone around me. Charlie, I simply don’t understand how they can tell me they love me to my face but not make a single effort to help me, does that mean I am as alone as I think? Why did I think it was a good idea to talk with them about it?

My dear friend I’m so sorry about writing all this shit to you but I’ve got more to say. On January 6th of this new year my uncle tried to kill himself. He’s been a bad person almost all his life but recently life’s been treating him like shit, his wife left him (it wasn’t a good relationship both of them are shitty people but i bet that hurt him), he can’t find a job, he’s been consuming lots of alcohol and told his siblings he used to do cocaine, he moved in with my grandpa but grandpa got tired of his shit and asked him to leave, he got arrested and a lot of other stuff.

I’m not saying I’ve got it worse than him or that he got it worse than me because at the end of the day we both have shitty lives and our problems affect us in a different way, neither of us deserve having these voices inside our heads. What I’m saying is this kinda stuff happens to everyone, it happened to me, a 21-year-old person who is about to graduate from uni and seems to have their life together and it also happened to him, a 40-something-years-old man who maybe shows more signs of it. We both need help, we both are in danger.

The only difference it’s he actually tried to end it and I’ve never crossed that line because I know if I do it nothing is going to be the same and I had think a lot about the consequences, and also as some girl said, although suicide is seen as cowardice it takes a lot of courage to just try it and I don’t have it. But Charlie does that mean I am not suffering? Or that I am okay? Because I don’t feel like that at all.

As I said earlier in this letter mom and dad never helped me, I’ve been learning to help myself since June, because on my birthday (July) I always feel sad but I didn’t want to feel that way last year so I tried really hard, and it almost worked. The day of my birthday my uncle got arrested and mom went running to solve his problems and left me with my siblings. I understood it because she had to be there but it still hurt.

This time I am really trying to take care of myself because I finally realized I cannot count on them. I have to take care of myself, otherwise I’ll always be fucked up. I wanna be myself without worrying about my weight, how I look, the way I laugh, if I have friends, if I love women or men, if I am even a woman.I want to be enough for me. I want to just stop giving a fuck about what people think of me. I want to do all the things I once dreamt about. I want to dress however the fuck I want to dress. I want to sing, dance and write without being afraid I don’t have the talent. I want to love myself. I want to be myself. But Charlie, why do I feel so mad at my parents and my uncle?

After January 6th my mom constantly talks to him and asks him how he is feeling and you know what? She’s even searching for a psychiatrist and a job so he doesn’t try it again. Am I being a shitty person Charlie? I hate feeling this way, I shouldn’t be jealous of my mom’s brother but I am. What did I do wrong? Why didn’t they help me? Is it the fact that I just think about it but I didn’t try to really do it? Do I have to show them the scars that I gave myself on my wrists,arms, ankles and hands? Do I have to tell them about the times I drank brandy all alone until I felt numb? Do I have to talk about the parties where I drank vodka like water just to feel free and stop thinking? What do I have to do to get that promised help?

I am just so tired and angry with them seeing me as a joke, but I guess it’s my fault for trust them with something this big. I shouldn’t have told them in the first place. Why did I think the man who so many times said I am a drama queen would help me? Why did I think the woman who always reminds me of my defects would help me? And I’m so mad at myself for giving a fuck about what they think of me.They didn’t give a fuck about me at 13 when my life started falling apart and they will not care for me now.

I’m so fucking sorry I write all of this shit in the first letter of the year, I really wanted it to be special. I promise you, my dear Charlie I will get better. I will not let this fucked up head of mine listen to that shit anymore. I must save myself.

All the love as always,

Dorian.

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

Why Bioshock Rebirth Part 3 won’t be a thing for a while

Guessing that title will work. I think considering now and on this day. There isn’t much else to do. I’m finally gonna talk about this. This is gonna be a long one. I’ll think about adding a keep reading thing as I make this. 

If any of you are a Bioshock fan or follow me. Or whatever else. I have this reimagining AU named Bioshock Rebirth. It has people who like it. There are mainly three parts on my mind. 

Part 1 and 2 basically deal with Rapture. Which are basically a reimagining of the main stories of Bioshock 1 and 2. With the events of Minerva’s Den being the epilogue. Part 3 from my mindset would deal with something outside Rapture. But I’ll talk about that later.

Yet I feel like to me. The reason I am not wanting to make a part 3 as soon as possible. Because it’s really tricky for me. I think I’ll just make the points and what my plans possibly were. Including I am gonna publicly reveal what my version of Zachary Hale Comstock would of been. Which is may be the most craziest decision. Whether people like it or not.

Now I just finished this post. I’ll put the tag after I write this. I will reveal I have a Bendy reimagining AU on my mind. But I want Dark Revival to come out soon. Which is why I don’t wanna focus more time on part 3. Along with other things. I feel proud or so with my work on Rebirth. I’m glad people love this AU/reimagining of Bioshock I made. :) So I will add the keep reading option. Now here is my detailed development of part 3. Not everything about it is there. But it’s a lot.

1. Part 3 would of taken 5 years after Bioshock Rebirth parts 1 and 2. Parts 1 and 2 took place in 2002. While part 3 takes place in 2007. Meaning the character ages have changed.

Basically Archie Wynand is 28. Elizabeth Comstock is 24. Brigid Tenenbaum is 40. Eleanor Lamb is 22. Even though Archie/Jack and Eleanor had her their ages sped up by people. With Archie being 10 and Eleanor being 12. But again there ages were sped up. Also the Little Sisters and Big Sisters that have been rescued have grown up too.

It depends on what characters would return. Like Delta/Johnny being 42. Daisy being 34. Booker being 43. Considering it’s not in Rapture. I don’t know if many characters would of returned. Yet that’s because I didn’t start writing possibly the main story for part 3. In case if anyone is worried. Many of the Vox Populi are fine. They must of moved on with their lives with Rapture sadly being a mess.

2. From what I get. The main story again was outside of Rapture. I seemed to be going with my old ideas I had for this AU. A public Rapture or the idea of Rebirth’s version of Columbia.

Considering Rebirth was born from the mistakes and retcons of Burial At Sea breaking the multiverse. Basically me disowning, shaming, yet acknowledging that DLC. So the idea I seem to be going with is that Columbia is the aftermath and America trying to make their own kind of Rapture. A public Rapture in a way for tourists. Something kind of like Jurassic Park.

Yet I don’t think it would be fully in the sky. It would be an island on water. With possibly Rapture under it. They built it over Rapture. 

Again Columbia is like America’s pale imitation of Rapture. With Rapture being discovered by America. Basically making profit off of it. Despite how tragic the results of Rapture of.

3. More on the main story. I think what it would be or as of now is Archie, Elizabeth, Brigid, and Eleanor going to Columbia or America’s public Rapture to stop Comstock. Considering this city has become a mess. The original idea is that it some how became worse than the tragedy of Rapture. 

With Big Daddies and Little Sisters being legalized. And Splicers or so possibly becoming more I guess crazy. With an old or possible dark idea of a Splicer eating out of a Little Sisters neck. Yet that’s really dark and just me showcasing some how this place became worse than the original Rapture.

4. Vigor’s in Rebirth would of been America’s knockoffs and pale imitation of Rapture’s Plasmid’s being reworked by Jeremiah Fink to make them more accessible so that you don’t have to inject them into your wrists. You could just simply drink them. 

Basically again they are strangely knockoffs and pale imitations in a way.

Shock Jockey is Electro Bolt. Devil’s Kiss is Incinerate. Bucking Bronco is Telekinesis. While some are again knockoffs. But some are original being the other Vigor’s.

But considering an idea from my anonymous friend who has helped me with this AU. With them mentioning well I’ll copy what they said instead. I’ll put the “ around it.

“Ironic considering the stereotype about most of the world's products being inferior knockoffs made in China. I can imagine that Fink's imitation of Rapture's products might be even more unscrupulous and dangerous compared to the original versions in Rapture, as the greater capitalist system intersects with the small-scale capitalism of that city.”

5. To be honest and I want to get this out of the way. The reason I am not making part 3 right away. Because I want to see if the leaks about Cloud Chamber’s Bioshock 4 are really true. Spoilers.

Basically the leaks being about that Rapture seemed to have been discovered. Now London is at war with ADAM being used. You play as a character named Lucas with other characters like Eleanor Lamb joining you. I want to see if this is all true. So I can see how Cloud Chamber interpreted of how the world would react to a city like Rapture. 

While there are folks who have made criticisms about people discovering Rapture being the end of the world. Basically being critical about the Bioshock series going in a Resident Evil like direction. Which I can totally understand.

But I’m gonna be honest. I want to see what Cloud Chamber are doing. Yet this horrible thing I’m gonna say next. As someone who’s.....opinions of their planet and maybe species is I guess low....I kind of don’t care. Because I want to see the chaos of the consequences if a place like America discovered Rapture. 

It’s maybe my darker side and my action junkie side having the best of me. I am strangely interested to see Hell on Earth all because governments got fucking greedy with ADAM. Again my opinion on my planet and whatever else is tricky.

Fuck it like we as a species deserve it. But I’m sounding pessimistic. I want to see war torn London destroyed by ADAM junkies.

5. My direction for part 3 I feel is weaker and not as powerful as parts 1 and 2. Because the general idea of part 3 seems to be, “America is fucking stupid. Because it empowers young rich pricks like Zachary Hale Comstock and makes shit like Columbia. Our country needs to be fucking better if really are the land of the free” It feels less original and been done before.

Compared to the first two part’s stories of humanity, found family, love, forgiveness, empathy, and compassion. Along with other stuff.

While I recall my inspiration for this idea long ago was this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXjJOmRkN6s If I recall it being like an example of....America’s thought process of it thinking it’s awesome or whatever the Hell. I wanna say stupid thinking. But that video is awesome. Amazing what that person did.

Also my version of Comstock I feel is less threating and less interesting than the likes of villains like Andrew Ryan, Atlas/Frank Fontaine, and Sofia Lamb. Unless I really tap and dig deep into his character.

There’s also the other thing part 3 I feel unless I decided. It doesn’t deal with dimension travelling and all that crap.

6. There’s another thing is that I used many of the major characters from Infinite and incorporated them in Rapture. Such as Elizabeth, Booker, Daisy, and the Lutece twins. I haven’t done much with Annabelle because she sadly died before the events of parts 1 and 2. Also Bluto is practically Rebirth’s version of Songbird when he was in Rapture. He was the Proto-Daddy.

Fink and Comstock are the only major Infinite characters I haven’t used.

7. Bluto’s robotic corpse would of been found by Fink and Comstock. He would of been rebuilt into Songbird as being the supposed mascot and guardian of Columbia.

It’s also a way of torturing Elizabeth mentally. Because two men practically took her protective older brother’s corpse and rebuilt him as something else. With the added angst that Songbird still have memories of Elizabeth.

8. Another reason why I don’t feel so highly of part 3. It’s because it just seems unrealistic. Which may sound stupid. My ideas of America’s own Rapture like place becoming somehow worse than the original Rapture seem crazy.

Along with things like legalized Big Daddies and Little Sisters seems crazy. Despite how stupid my country is. The idea of taking human beings and turning them into that under an American government seems like bullshit. Unless they didn’t know. 

Yet it seems to be dissing on America. Considering the direction of Comstock I’m going with is more like, “We’re America and we are great.” Yet everything goes to shit.

Along with the crazy idea of the place being built in 5 or maybe 4 to 3 years. Which is why I wanted to give it a timespan.

Also it’s a fun easter egg that it’s the time span of the original Bioshock’s development. Unless I make part 3 in 2013. But don’t think I should.

9. There’s been a recent idea of Lucas being an antagonist. Something similar to the Arkham Knight from Batman Arkham Knight. But I should wait and see if this Lucas character is seriously real. Yet what I have read about him, he reminds me a bit of Booker.

I’m guessing and even was thinking a bit more in detail. Lucas being a US Marine who was born in 1981. He’s 26 during part 3. Possibly being an anti-thesis to Archie’s character. Now I’m thinking he may of met Arch during possibly tours. Even though they weren’t really friends but knew each other.

With Archie being an earnest and kind man. Now this makes sense. Lucas being jealous of Archie’s position as, “The Demon Of Rapture” and, “The Killer Of Fontaine”. Lucas being a bit more angry and less honorable than Archie.

Man these ideas make more sense than Comstock being an anti-thesis to Arch. Yet we also have Frank Fontaine and Booker Dewitt being anti-thesis to his character too. But the idea of Lucas is strangely perfect.

The ideas I am having are he’s Columbia’s poster boy of a super soldier. But without the horrifying results of Archie’s origin possibly. Since Lucas I’m imagining is more equipped with stuff(Again thinking of Arkham Knight)....fuck this is strangely perfect. 

Man we haven’t gotten more info on this who I am calling Lucas Parkside....fuck I thought of more of him being a deeper character or so.

10. But again about Bioshock 4. Considering Rebirth is the result of Burial At Sea and also Infinite breaking the multiverse. It combined the worlds of the main universe(Bioshock 1, 2, and the Rapture novel if you want to include that) and Infinite. Which resulted in a timeline where Rapture was made later during the cold war. Along with characters like from Infinite being more connected to Rapture because of the events of Burial At Sea.

Yet Bioshock 4 or those Parkside leaks. I question if I should put them in here too. Because it’s unknown if well the events of 4 happened yet in the main universe. Unless we take into the good ending being canon. With 4 taking take in the 70′s what I read.

I’m rambling, I’m sorry about that. Basically the events of the novel and first two games happened. But the events of Infinite and Burial At Sea disturbed the main universe. And whatever I’m using some weird comic book logic. 

Again I hope sometime but soon I want more information considering Bioshock 4. 

11. I guess I’ll just reveal this now. Including I called him a young rich prick. I gave a hint early on. In fact this character was hinted at in memes. But him combing in Comstock was something I was surprised by long ago. Yet I felt I guess could be genius or whatever.

Only two friends of mine know. The anonymous friend. And also @feckinatlas

Zachary Hale Comstock in Bioshock Rebirth would of been the Mark Zuckerberg of Bioshock.

While there was the idea of making him the, “Radec” or something similar to make him more threating. But Booker is already that. Including the Mark Zuckerberg angle is something I’m interested in.

Yes Comstock is Rebirth is younger than his main universe counterpart. He’s also not Booker and possibly not related to him.

One of my original ideas was that he’s a year younger than Elizabeth. But I changed that and may make him possibly 30 or so. Or even Archie’s physical age or 29.

An old idea I even told Feckinatlas that him being Fontaine’s kid. But Frank never knew about him. Practically making even more of a terrible father. Yet I don’t know if I’ll go with that idea. Yet it seems better than Comstock being a kid of Booker. Which I don’t like. I was trying to keep the Booker and Comstock connection. I’m still wondering now.

Yes I think that’s all I’ll reveal now.

Edit I forgot this one other important thing. Oh crap two actually.

12. Considering Ava Tate survived and escaped Rapture. She would of been one of the villains in part 3. Basically she sided with Fink and Comstock. Ava is kind of like that character who might not care what side she’s on. Despite she has redeeming qualities in her.

13. Even though this wasn’t part of the main story. To be honest there are ideas that one of Elizabeth’s looks is like her Burial At Sea look. Yet she’s not a femme fatale. Basically it was the idea of her and Archie going undercover. With Elizabeth trying to pose as a femme fatale. Which in reality she isn’t. She’s still the same joyous girl that people love. It’s something a bit more strangely adorable.

Also Brigid tried to teach her some stuff of trying to act different. I remember talking about this with my anonymous friend. It’s mainly silly and adorable stuff before meeting her seeing Ava. Like Arch being pouty that he may have to put on a tux. When he’ll put on something like maybe Clark Kent would wear. He doesn’t wanna look like a rich prick and would rather have black ops gear on. While Brigid and Elizabeth find it adorable and funny he doesn’t wanna dress like Ryan and whoever else. Despite they would kick him out if he looks very normal.

But again Brigid teaching her some tricks. Along with Elizabeth trying to smoke to look cool. But she coughs and again it’s adorable. XD

This idea is like before the main story. But I should develop it more. It could still be before the main story. I wanted to share this because I forgot about it. 

[sunmoonandeddie]

best friend’s fuck buddy

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 3,255

summary: Bucky is really bad at dealing with feelings.  Like, ‘I’m gonna fuck my teammate who happens to be your best friend to try to ignore my feelings for you’ kinda bad.

chapter warnings: Some h*ckin’ words.  Mentions of sex.

a/n: So like.  Saw a post today that said “yeah sex is great but have you ever been in love” and this just kinda blurted it out.  Just something quick and fun.  Let me know what you think!

“We can’t keep doing this.”  James sat on the edge of the bed, biting his lip as he stared down at the floor.  The room still smelled of sweat and sex and Natasha’s perfume and he just… couldn’t do it anymore.  He’d dragged his briefs back on the second they were finished as guilt overtook him.

And it was ridiculous.  Because he was single as shit and therefore, he had every right to sleep with a hot woman, even if he wasn’t necessarily attracted to her.  Sure, he could appreciate Nat’s whole… aesthetic, but it wasn’t what he wanted.

She wasn’t who he craved.  She wasn’t who he had been imagining under him just minutes before.

And her name definitely hadn’t been the one that had fallen from his mouth just seconds before.

“We’re really going to do this right now?” Natasha asked as she slipped out of the bed.  She pulled on a large t-shirt—Bucky was sure it was Steve’s at one point, but the girls on their little team had a habit of stealing everyone’s shirts to sleep in—and a pair of shorts.  She raised her eyebrows at him, and after realizing he was serious, said, “I guess it’s only fitting, since you moaned the wrong name while being balls deep inside of me.”  At his flustered look, she smirked.  “At least give me a minute to clean up.”

“Natasha,” he said slowly, watching as she moved to the bathroom attached to his room, as flashbacks of another life came to mind.  Memories of late-night trysts when they were both in HYDRA’s chains.  The 90s had been a wild time for the both of them.

But it never meant anything.  It was always driven by the need to feel something, even if it was just someone else’s skin in a situation that didn’t involve getting rid of a body. Raw lust clouded both of their minds and the sex that happened was primal, urgent.

Kind of like it was now.

Granted, they had much more time to fuck now, but it was still just a way to get rid of tension.  Like an extra workout.

“Bucky,” the redhead replied in a slightly mocking tone as she came out of the bathroom, tying her hair up.  She leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms over her chest.  “Don’t worry. I knew what this was when we started up this whole thing again.  I was under no illusion that it was any different than when we first met.”

And that still made him feel like shit because back in the 40s, he hated guys like him.  He might’ve gone on a lot of dates and slept with a few, but he never kept a girl around just to fuck.  He’d never used someone like that before.  But Natasha had made it easy to do exactly that, because she was doing the same thing to him. She had definitely been avoiding her feelings for a certain green monster, though she’d never admit it.

“Stop it with the kicked puppy look,” she said with an eyeroll. “Y/N might find it cute, but not me.”

His cheeks went a dark red as he stared down at the floor. He knew there was no need trying to pretend that he didn’t have feelings for you.  That had gone out the window the second he moaned your name.

“You’ve really got it bad for her, huh?”  Nat laughed as she observed the man in front of her.  He was the world’s deadliest assassin—behind her, of course—and all it took was a girl to bring him to his knees.  “Are you gonna tell her?”

“Tell her what?” He asked, rubbing his hands on his briefs nervously.

She cocked an eyebrow at him, clearly unimpressed.  “Don’t play stupid.  It doesn’t suit you.”  She walked over to him, resting her hand on his arm.  “Bucky, if you care about her as much a I think you do, you need to tell her.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, guilt clouding his mind.  Nat and him had been through a lot together, and it felt disrespectful, ending things because he was in love with another woman.  Her best friend, of all people.

And she just laughed again, already reaching for the door. “I’m not jealous of her, Buck. Really.”  She turned back to look at him, her green eyes glimmering in the dim light.  “Y/N is one of my best friends, and one of the best people I know.  If she makes you happy, you need to go for it.”

He stared at her with those puppy eyes of his again, though he wasn’t even aware that he was doing anything.  “What if I ruin her?”

“Ruin her?”

“Yeah,” he said with a scoff as he tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling.  “She… She’s this…  good person.  Like you said, one of the best, and I…”  The look in his eyes broke her heart a little.  “I’m me.”

“Bucky,” she said slowly, letting out a huff.  “You’re a good person, too, you know.  You deserve someone who love’s you just as much as anyone else.”  She chuckled, the sound reverberating through the otherwise silent room.  “Maybe more than anyone else.”  Nat turned back to the door, opening it.  But she paused and glanced back towards him once more.  “Don’t push her away just because you’re scared.”

And then she was gone, the door shutting behind her with a soft click.

Bucky fell back onto his bed with a groan.  He even went as far as grabbing a pillow, holding it to his face, and screaming into it.  It didn’t help, though he supposed trying it meant something, whatever it was.  Steve was big on that, telling him that trying was always better than not trying.  Even if it was something as stupid as screaming into a pillow.

He had avoided it for so long, the feeling in his chest, but Nat’s words just made it all the more real.

He was completely, stupidly in love with you.

He was so in love with you that he couldn’t even fucking orgasm without thinking of you, no matter how icky and creepy it made him feel. He had to close his eyes while his dick was inside Natasha fucking Romanov because it wasn’t you, and had even gone as far as moaning the wrong fucking name.  Men would kill to screw her, and he had—dozens of times—and yet, he didn’t want her.

He wanted you.  Had since the first time he’d seen you, if he was being honest.

“Bucky!” Steve shouted, knocking on his door.  “Living room.  ASAP.”

The man in question grunted as he pulled himself out of the bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants.  It was their one day off and all he wanted to do was sleep.  But the punk he called his best friend seemed to be determined to not let it happen.

And as much as he wanted to just ignore him, he knew that if he ignored Steve he’d just come barging into Bucky’s room and drag him by his ear to the living room.

His hair was a bird’s nest, he was sure of it, but he couldn’t give any less fucks than he did in that moment.  He didn’t even care that Sam would give him shit about it.  The sooner he got to whatever was happening in the living room, the sooner he could get back to his nice, warm bed.

He dragged his feet all the way to the living room despite knowing that it annoyed the living shit out of Tony.  Whatever the reason was that Steve had dragged him out of his little safe haven, he was sure that the billionaire had a hand in it.

But he froze in his tracks the second he stepped into the living room.

He was sure that he was dreaming, because there’s no way someone as beautiful as you actually existed.  He’s sure that somewhere out there an artist is missing their muse, that you’ve stepped out of the Greek myths of Aphrodite, a goddess taking human form.

The second your eyes turned to him, he remembered his horrible case of bedhead, and subsequently decided that he wanted to throw himself from a bridge.  Maybe the one he’d seen Steve on when he was still HYDRA’s puppet.

Yeah, that one would work.

“Hi,” you said, holding your hand out for him to shake as you walk towards him, your heels clicking on the hardwood floor.  “I’m Y/N.”

Bucky opened his mouth, but no sound came out.  He just sat there staring at you like a fucking codfish. Your bright e/c eyes were staring up at him in concern, your bottom lip caught between your teeth, and he wanted to scream.  He’s sure there’s gotta be some kind of law against being so god damn pretty.

Steve smirked as he moved to stand beside you, his hands shoved into his pockets.  “Y/N, this is Bucky Barnes.  Bucky, this is Y/N.”  He raised his eyebrows at the brunet, the smug bastard.  “She’s a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, but she’s going to be our resident doctor.”

“Resident doctor?” Bucky repeated, and if it was possible, his eyes widened even more.

“I’m here for when one of you guys gets fucked up,” you said, shocking the man with your language.  “I’ll be going on missions with you and staying here at the compound.”

He nodded dumbly, still staring at you.

It wasn’t until you giggled that he realized he was still shaking your hand.  He quickly dropped it, his face going dark red as he pointed back towards the hallway. “I’m, uh, I’m just gonna—Yeah.”

He quickly disappeared down the hall, groaning at how badly he had just embarrassed himself.  Here he was, meeting the prettiest dame he’d ever seen, and he can’t so much as get his name out.  He finally made it back to his room and after shutting the door, let his head rest back against the wood.

He was royally fucked.

And even as he stared at his ceiling now, he has the same thought.

He was truly, thoroughly, royally fucked.

The shower he took to wash away the smell of the redheaded assassin was far too long.  He spent most of it with his head against the wall and the water hot against his back. He’d tried for months after first meeting you to ignore you, ignore how he felt, but it was to no avail.  Within just six months of first meeting you, he was entirely yours.

Even if you didn’t know it.

After his shower, he doesn’t think, and just lets his feet take him where ever.  Most of the time when he did this, he always ended up in the same place—outside the medical wing.  And whenever that happened, he’d always come up with some excuse to see you.  Usually it was something simple, like a migraine—even though he didn’t get those, thanks to the serum—but one time he had gone as far as detaching his arm just so you could reattach it.

So he’s truly not surprised to find himself outside your work space.  From the wall of windows, he can see some Will, another S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, talking to you, clearly love struck as you wrap his wrist.  It had become a normal occurrence, agents doing whatever they could to visit you. One agent, Adam, he thinks, even went as far as having another agent punch him hard enough to break his nose.

You’d never noticed, though, because you were so sweet and so focused on taking care of everyone that you didn’t even realize that everyone looked at you as though you’d hung the moon and the stars.

And he didn’t even think.  He didn’t think about the possible consequences as he burst into the medical wing, because all he could focus on was how the way that Will looked at you made his blood boil.  Your eyes flick to where he’d entered, the agent immediately moving away from you and making himself scarce.

Sometimes it paid to be intimidating.

“Hi, Bucky,” you said, but the soft smile on your lips doesn’t reach your eyes.  Something was bothering you.

And he froze.  He stopped in his tracks, and he’s vaguely aware of the sound of the doors closing behind the long-gone agent.  “Uh…  I…”

“Are you okay?” You asked as you moved from where you’d been typing up a medical report to stand in front of him.  Your hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail, and he loves the way your white doctor’s coat makes you stand a little taller.

He stared down at you for long moment, swallowing.  He had to do this. ��He had to do this because for the past year, he’d been fucking one of his best friends to try to get rid of his feelings and it hadn’t worked.  Because for the first time in almost seventy years, he wanted something.  Because dreams about you had interrupted his nightmares, and he’d been sleeping better since meeting you.

“I really want to kiss you,” he said, breathless and shaky.

You stared up at him with confusion and what he thinks is anger, your eyebrows furrowing.  You bit your bottom lip, and he fought the urge to gently tug it free.  “What about Natasha?”

Fuck.  He didn’t think you’d known about her.

“What do you mean?” He asked, trying to feign innocence even though he knew it was pointless.  You weren’t exactly stupid.

You raised your eyebrows at him, your hands on your hips. “Bucky, I’m not blind,” you said, your voice faint.  “I can hear when she leaves her room in the middle of the night and comes back a few hours later.”  You stared down at the floor, shuffling your feet.  “I can also hear you when you two meet in her room.”

Fuck, he wanted to slam his head against the wall.  Of course, you’d heard him.  He thought that Stark would’ve made the walls thick enough and you wouldn’t hear his nightly activities with your neighbor, but apparently he was wrong.

You snorted as you stared at something off to the side, your eyes slightly glazing over.  “Sometimes you two go until four the morning, in case you didn’t know.”

“We…  We, uh,” he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Nat and I…  We aren’t a thing.  Not exactly.”

“James, I know what friends with benefits is.”

And the fact that you called him James just told him how much you were hurt.  His cheeks were a dark red as he stared down at his shoes shamefully.  “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” You asked, turning to organize all the shit you had gotten out to wrap Will’s wrist.  There was a little bit of force in the way you put things back into their proper place, and it made him wince.  “You two are adults.  You can do whatever you want.”

“Please talk to me,” He said quietly, taking a step towards you.  “I can’t fix things if you don’t talk to me.”

You were facing away from him, your shoulders tensed as you stared down at the gauze in your hands.  “I just… I don’t know.”  You placed the gauze back in its place, rattling the other contents of the cabinet.  “It really hurts when the guy who’s sleeping with one of your best friends flirts with you, and makes you think that you could possibly have a chance.  But then he just keeps fucking your best friend—who also happens to be your neighbor—and you can’t help but think it’s some kind of game.”  Your hands gripped the edge of the counter.  Your knuckles went white.  “Like you only flirt with me because Natasha’s not around to keep you entertained.”

Bucky shook his head, reaching out for you desperately.  “No, no, no.  It wasn’t a game, I swear,” he said, turning you around.  “Nat and I…  We…  We have a history.”

“James, it’s fine.  Forget I said anything,” you muttered, trying to turn your back, but his grip on your arm prevented it.

“Y/N, it’s not.”  He took in a deep breath, knowing that if he did this, there was no going back.  “Nothing between Nat and I was about feelings, not even when we were still under HYDRA’s control.”  He let go of your arm, rubbing the back of his neck.  His mouth was dry as the Sahara, his palms sweaty.  “And I know this is going to make me sound like a dick, but I only started messing around with Natasha after I met you.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you tried to move away from him again, but he pleaded, “Please listen to me. Give me…”  He glanced at the clock, biting his lip, and turned back to you.  “Give me two minutes.  And if you don’t want to talk to me ever again, you don’t have to.”

You stared at him for a long, heavy moment, before nodding, and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Y/N, you are the first person I’ve wanted in a long, long time. And not just for sex.”  He swallowed down the lump in his throat as his eyes stayed locked with yours.  “At first I thought I was just lonely, which is why I went to Nat, but it wasn’t.  It was because you’re you and everything you are is brilliant and amazing and so, so good and everything I’m not.”  Bucky rubbed his hands on his sweats, his heart pounding against his ribcage.  “I’m in love with you, Y/N.”  You opened your mouth to say something, but he held up his hand, glancing back at the clock.  “I still have thirty seconds.”  He took the way you laughed as a good sign, and continued, “I’m not good at saying how I feel.  I’m not good at opening up to people.  I’m stubborn and more than a little rough around the edges, but I want to try for you.” His eyes watered as he stared at you. “Please.”  After a long moment of you not saying anything, he added, “My two minutes are done.”

“Are you and Natasha completely done?” You asked, sounding so small.

Bucky nodded, taking a step towards you.  “Yes.  Yes, we’re one hundred percent done.  And, uh…” He blushed a little as he looked down at his shoes.  “She’s the one that told me to get my shit together and tell you.”

“What made you end it?”

“What?”

You raised your eyebrows expectantly.  “What made you end it with her?  I assume something happened.”

And God, the last thing he wants to do is tell you what happened just a little before, but the look in your eyes told him that you wouldn’t relent.  “I, uh…” He coughed, growing more and more embarrassed.  “I moaned your name.”

You snorted, smirking a little as you turned back to your organizing.  He stood there for so long that he was sure that you had forgotten him, that you were done with him.  But then you paused in your organizing with your eyes locked on your hands.  “Dinner.  Tonight. Pick me up at seven.”

He can’t stop the grin that spreads over his face and he nods, forgetting for a second that you can’t see him.  When he remembered, he said, “I’ll be there at six fifty-five.”

[cap-cavern]

Response

Answer: I feel uncomfortable with people following Fallan because it makes me feel bad and stir up horrible memories. I admit I wasn’t thinking or considering the different opinions or reactions people will have, but I was trying to keep myself sane by not following the same people who follow her. I acknowledged that what I did is wrong and I didn’t think of the consequences; I take full responsibility for it and I’m sorry.

Answer: While I was jealous, I couldn’t control my destructive behavior before. It wasn’t intentional, I should've gotten help before but no one irl was there around me unlike today, and I made her feel this way, so I acknowledge and apologize for it.

Answer: I understand this is a personal problem, and I apologize for bringing it up. But, please keep in mind that we are allowed to vent to the people who annoy us or make us feel bad. My entire personality is not venting about you; I have my own relationship to focus on now and he noticed that I’ve been venting less and less about you. The part that triggers it mostly happens whenever I receive death threats from the people who claim as your friends. It started with one message after our last message three years ago, but it kept on occurring so many times that how could I not panic as well? How can I not know if these anonymous death threats are from her or from her mutuals? I’ve never even sent any death threats like these to her, from what I remembered.

Trigger warning: death threats

Answer: I was banned from specord. I admit I went back to instagram and made a safe space for myself. People are allowed to talk negatively about the people they dislike or the people who hurt them, but I talk about these things privately. A lot of people discuss similar situations such as these, even in public servers, yet why was it not mentioned in the post? Speaking of, that screenshot you got, claiming from a public server, is actually a private friend group server. I believe that was misunderstood, and I couldn’t blame you for misunderstanding, but please have an open mind that I would be banned from a public server if I ever did such things.

Answer: I was advised to tell you to find people who don’t know me so they can easily believe you and defend you to what you do. I understand you want your friends back, but you can’t control people from coming back to you. Isn’t this the lesson you want me to learn? I was punched in the gut when I learned this. Maybe it’s time to accept it and move on. I lost people, you lost people too. It’s part of life, and it’s something we have to accept. It’s weird that this came from me, but this is the lesson you want me to learn. I’m sorry you couldn’t get them back, and I acknowledge that. But, take a leaf from your book as well.

Answer: As I said earlier, I admit and acknowledged that I was like that before. I acknowledged that behavior and realized it was wrong. My emotions got the best of me, preventing me to think clearly and making the right decisions to behave nicely.

Answer: As I said earlier, it wasn’t my intention to do it. I acknowledged what I did was wrong and I take full responsibility for it. It wasn’t my intention, things just went out of hand and I apologize for it, I genuinely do.

Answer: While I don’t have proofs that I actually committed suicide irl, it was never my intention to suicide bait her. I acknowledged what I did wrong and take full responsibility of it. But, I want to make it clear that I did do it more than once irl.

Answer: I’m not sure about her but I have a lot of screenshots of death threats that have been going on for these past years and still going on from her friends. I’ve been in this situation of threats, blocks, etc. While it’s easy to block and move on, I can’t control these people for sending such threats time and time again. If you don’t believe me when I say it’s from her friends, here’s just a few of the many examples of threats I’ve gotten not just on discord but from other social media as well so there’s nowhere I can go  A recent one being after getting a commission gift someone gave me and claiming to take and repost it. The artist was of course upset about this since it was a gift. It’s also quite clear that sometimes it’s even the same mutual sending these. It’s gotten to the point where they even mention attacking me in irl. So, I ask, why shouldn’t I feel paranoid about all these threats?

Trigger warning: death threats

Answer: I acknowledged that what I did was wrong, and again, it wasn’t my intention. I take full responsibilities that I couldn’t control myself. However, I can’t quite graph who’s the “they hated how I was popular”. I remember her mentioning she was popular on tumblr, and she seems quite confident about it so I assumed she was completely okay with people and myself mentioning that. I apologize, but I wasn’t really that annoyed. They were quite popular. I might have expressed it wrongly, and I take full responsibility for that. I’m sorry.

Answer: I could’ve been a better friend too. I could’ve been not jealous. I could’ve been less destructive. I could’ve controlled my emotions. I could’ve done something better, and not the worst things, but that was all in the past. I stopped thinking about my friendship with her last years, and it’s been consistent even with some good changes for myself until I received a death threat. We’re not the same people as we were before, so, stop lingering in the past. You told me to move on, and it had taken me a while to do so, you should do it too. Take a leaf from your own book, and move on too. That’s what I’ve been doing, but the death threats are blocking that path.

Answer: Yes, I do understand that you received criticisms too, but I received criticisms about this situation as well. I’ve been criticized for being the bad guy, too, just as you have, and I have to carry the pain in my back as well. There will always be people who will think you’re a good person or the bad person in situations like these; it’s all black and white. People have different opinions, you can’t control what people will think and criticize in this situation. People will point fingers and one will think you’re a good guy whilst the other will think you’re a bad guy; we just have to accept that. Doing the right thing doesn’t mean you can’t be criticized for it. People are allowed to hate you even if you did the right thing. You will be pointed out as a bad person even if you did the right thing. It’s just the way things are and we can’t control that.

Answer: People have. I tried. I willingly tried to. One blocked me on twitter when I mentioned how uncomfortable I am that they follow you, I wanted to be safe and not make any violent reactions when seeing this. It scares me. I learned to accept that the hard way.

Answer: I only deleted those DMs (parts of it) because I don’t wanna linger in those messages. I wanna move on. I wanna move forward; that’s the reason why I deleted them. I don’t wanna be reminded that I did the horrible things I did my best to learn from and move on.

Answer: I have stopped contacting you ever since I was forced and persuaded to talk to you last December 2018. Let’s move on. Let’s try to be civil and move on. You told me many times to move on, and while I refused at first, I eventually learned and accepted that I should move on. I understand you are still frustrated; I get frustrated too, and I’m sorry for making you feel this way and everything I did.

Answer: This came from a private friend server, not a public server. It’s a close-friend server made by another user when I was banned. They gave me the ownership afterwards because it was “made for me”. I don’t know how you got the screenshot, but please, keep in mind that this is from a private friend server with several people in it. It doesn’t even have 100 people in total, let alone 50 or 40. And, to clear things out, I was like that before, but not now. People change over time, and trust me, looking at this message is making me cringe because I hate the fact that I was like this. I’m doing what I can to change that.

Answer: It’s from a dream; a nightmare, and it’s something I can’t control, especially with all those threats that I kept on getting. I reacted to the situation so badly in the past, but now, in the present, I don’t often get dreams or nightmares like that anymore. Please, understand how sorry I am with these. Long ago, you told me to move on, and I am doing it now. I did do it, but this wouldn’t end if we just continue like this. I understand the things I did were wrong; I acknowledged it. We are all human beings who make mistakes from time to time. We either dwell on those mistakes, or learn from it. It’s our choice in the end. This endless finger pointing has been going on too long now and i wish for it to end. Again, I’m sorry for everything that I have done, but have an open mind that you’re not the only one who suffered from this situation; we both did, and now, it’s time to move on, like you said before. 

[doof-doofblog]

"I'm Taking Ben With Me!"

Tuesday 17th November 2020

Hello again everyone! Hope you're all doing okay! Now this the episode that the majority of us have been anxiously waiting for! Is the robbery going to be a success? Or is something going to go horribly wrong and someone gets caught? I'm really looking forward to writing about this episode, something tells me it's going to be gripping and explosive!

The episode begins with Phil, Shirley, Ben, Kat and Kush all arriving at the Insurance building to make a start on their robbery. Phil instructs the group that he wants things to be over as quickly as possible, it makes sense that they shouldn't be there for as long as they specifically have to! He makes it perfectly clear they need to be in and out, end of! Kat informs them that the security guard won't be there until 8am, which really should leave them plenty of time! But then again is it 8am or 8pm? Who knows? I'm sure that will come to light as the episode goes on. They quickly go off in separate directions - Ben and Phil together, Shirley and Kat together and then Kush.

Ooooh, meanwhile back on the Square, Ian enters the Vic after calling the police about the robbery. The look on his face looks like guilt to me - maybe even dismay, jealousy, shock - maybe all of them rolled into one? Max once again calls out to him as he's sat in a booth, as to whether he's got the money to pay him back - Ian ignores him and turns around to see Sharon behind the bar approaching him, asking him where he had been, he ignores her also and makes his way upstairs of the Vic. Max and Linda giggle as they think he's giving everyone the silent treatment because of their actions earlier in the day, sneaking behind the bar and giving out free booze! As they giggle about Ian, Max is looking through Linda's portfolio of her idea of making superhero costumes for autistic children. Sharon watches them as they seem to get cosy. Max is complimenting Linda's work and pushing her to go for her new business plan, even though Linda admits she can't afford it, even if she did want to go ahead with it. Max then asks whether Mick knows, but Linda bows her head and admits that she hasn't told him yet, considering he's been going through a lot lately, she feels perhaps this isn't the right time to be informing him about her new idea. Max looks at her almost with sympathy, but it does look as if he's contemplating something - will he somehow give her the money to start her business? Will he end up helping her set it up? What do you guys think?!

Across the Square, Tina has packed her suitcase after overhearing Iqra and Ash talking about her moving out. She tries to reassure them that their decision is fine and that she completely understands, Iqra appears to be really sympathetic and Ash apologises for her finding out the way she did. When they ask where she's going to stay, Tina jokingly says "The park bench seems free!" - they look at her with shocked expressions but she reassures them that she'll be okay. But in all seriousness, where is she going to go? It's not like she can go back to the Vic, will Gray maybe take her in as he has with Shirley? Could she go and stay with Mick and Linda for a while until she finds her own place? I'd hate to see her be homeless!

At the police station, DI Thompson is playing the recording of Phil and Kat discussing their robbery, whilst Callum is also in the room hearing the discussion. Thompson pushes for Callum to inform him about what he knows, but Callum insists that that is the first time he's heard anything about it, he even insists that Ben wouldn't tell him anything like that! Thompson begins to get frustrated until a fellow officer rushes in telling them that they've had an anonymous tip-off about a robbery and the culprits disguised as cleaners. Thompson knows that that is where Phil and Ben are, he instructs Callum that no matter how he does it, he wants someone arrested! Callum begins to panic and we see him send a message to his boyfriend, warning him to get out of the building! But back at the Insurance company, Ben, Phil and Kush have found the parking lot with the expensive cars, Ben and Phil work separately on different cars whilst Kush stands and watches - he questions how he can help in any way, but they just inform him not to touch anything. Kush watches with a (quite a cute) smile - must be the adrenaline!

Returning to the Vic, Ian is starring into space, almost in a world of his own. Are the events of his actions running through his mind? Does he actually realise he's put his brother and his Dad in danger? Does he feel no shame or dismay?! As he sits alone, Lexi is stood in the doorway and calls him a "Snake!" - which takes Ian completely by surprise. I love little Lexi, she's such a superstar! She informs her Uncle that that is what her Dad calls him. As she continues to insult her Uncle further, Kathy appears and informs she'll be taking Lexi home shortly. As Lexi disappears, Kathy informs her son that she's come deliver his mail, Ian appears thankful to his Mother, she informs him that not everyone is against him, even though it must feel like it right now. She then shows him that one specific later that came was the first payment of the Cafe remortgage is due, suddenly Ian's face drops as his Mum asks him to take care of it, he then sheepishly asks her whether she can pay for it for the month and he'll start to pay from the following month. Kathy instantly looks really disappointed in her son, she questions whether that was his plan from the very beginning, put her into debt and then her be the one to pay it all back. Ian insists that that isn't the case and tries to explain that he needs a few weeks to sort things out - I think that Ian has got himself into something he can't control, he can't pay Max back, he can't pay his Mum back, he can't even pay for the remortgage payments. I think he's on a big downward spiral. Kathy refuses to pay for it and tells her son that it's on his shoulders, but just as she turns to walk away, Ian starts acting like a child and saying that she would do it for Ben - so he is! He's jealous of his brother! Is that it?! - He claims that Ben is the Golden Boy and can do no wrong, but when he drops the insult that she's an unpaid baby-sitter, Kathy hits back! She informs her son that she actually doesn't want paying to look after her granddaughter, because that's what families do!!! That's what Grandparents do! You'd think by now that Ian would understand the concept of "Family" instead of always focusing on money. Kathy states that she would've hoped that Ian would've had a conscience after everything he's done, but it looks like he well and truly hasn't got one!

Back at the parking lot in the Insurance building, Phil and Ben are attempting to jump-start the cars. Ben appears to get his car going pretty quickly as Phil is struggling with the wires of his car. Ben looks over and queries whether his Dad is having problems, but Phil is adamant he's almost got it working. Kush then asks whether he could help, but Phil insists that his only role is to get the gate open when they're ready to leave, but Kush checks they only have 40-odd minutes remaining. Kush makes the valid point that getting the gate open will only take him 5 minutes, Phil then passes Kush the crowbar, instructing him to get the last car working. As he does so, Kush once again gives Phil an excited smile, I do feel it must've been the adrenaline rush of the possibility of doing a successful robbery and the chance of getting a good amount of money at the end of it. Phil laughs and comments that the job they're doing now is much better than selling boob-tubes!

Returning to the Square and at the Prince Albert, Tina walks in with her suitcase to find Kathy drinking on her own. As she joins her, Kathy notices that she has her luggage with her, she informs the poor girl that she can't sleep in the bar again. Tina then comes to the realisation she'll have to bunk up with Shirley again. It's then that Kathy responds to her by telling her that she has family who care about her, Tina can see that Kathy is upset about something and asks what's wrong. Now whether it's the drink that causes her to spill the beans or whether she just needs someone to talk to, Tina pours her another glass of wine and promises not to say a word to anyone, Kathy confides in her colleague about Ian committing fraud by forging her signature and re-mortgaging the Café, much to Tina's shock.

Back at the Vic, as Ian quickly sneaks out into the back in the background, Sharon is at the front and appears to be on the phone to a solicitor, she's informing them that she's knows what is owed to her and what Phil's solicitor is offering can think again about their offer. Ahhh, it's all coming to light now! Max has approached Bobby and is trying to convince him to change the age on his leaflet, and the only reason that Max has done that is so Linda can apply for her business idea. Bobby seems doubtful at first as his thought process is that his sister would want the opportunity to go to someone who was her age, but Max tries to push him to change the age limit, as that way there would be more applications from older ladies. Bobby asks Sharon for her advice, seeing as she and Max are both trustees for Bobby's charity, and she voices her opinion - on what good it'll do for Max? But he insists he's just doing right with a business attitude. Suddenly Linda appears and asks them what she's missed and when she realises that Bobby has agreed to change the age limit on his applicants, Max smiles at her and Linda instantly knows that he's done that for her. She thanks him for helping her and she starts to wonder how she'll make a start on her new business plan, however she needs to send in the application first - what if she's not successful?! She's getting in a bit over her head isn't she? Well Max also?! Or is it written in the stars - she'll apply and she'll get the money to start her new business. Max encourages Linda to call her husband and tell him the good news, however she seems reluctant to do so. As Max approaches the bar to get them another drink, Sharon confronts him head on - she knows what he's up to and warns him to stay away from her, even though Max plays dumb, Sharon can see right through him and warns him that she is her best mate and doesn't want her ruining her marriage to Mick, she doesn't want their marriage ending in divorce - she states that Mick and Linda are meant for each other. Max tries to reassure the blonde vixen that he and Linda are just friends, so she has nothing to worry about. But Sharon gives him one last warning, she'll be watching him from a distance!

Back at the parking lot, Kush successfully manages to break into the car, he seems so proud of himself and so excited, once he knows that he has managed to get into the car, Phil sets things in motion, for them to get into their cars ready to driver off and he instructs Kush to get the gate open. However, when Kush goes over the gate and types in the code, nothing happens. He tries for a second time and once again, nothing happens - has Kat given them the wrong code?! Or is he simply putting in the wrong code?! I don't know whether you guys noticed but the final digit of the code looks like either the number 6 or the letter B (In lower case) - Kush only types in the number 6, something is telling me that he's simply typing it in wrong and it actually is the lower-case B. But I could be wrong, maybe Kat has got the code wrong. Kush looks over to Phil and Ben in a slight realisation of panic that they might not be able to get out. Meanwhile, Kat and Shirley are trying their best to clean the offices, well Kat is however, whereas Shirley is being typical Shirley and is casually sat whilst Kat does all the work. As Kat asks her to make more of an effort, Shirley declines and Kat is quick to announce that she's done good when it's come to the robbery plan. Suddenly, a member of staff comes into the office and finds her and Shirley there.

Ian has found his way into the restaurant and appears to be in such dismay he throws a stash of paperwork all over the floor. As he does so, Suki walks in and see the state he's left the restaurant in, as she approaches him, Ian makes it clear to her that he doesn't want her in the restaurant. However, Suki is quick to make a proposition for him, she informs him about her plans for the Slater household and with him being a member of the council, she thinks he can help get her application get the attention she's wanting. In return she will give him £10,000! Ian is left stunned by her offer and tells her that he's actually not to be bought, but in his desperate need for money, will he take her up on her offer? It may just be the only way to get the money he needs to pay people back with. But of course, that would mean even more trouble for Slater's, once they find out that Ian helped Suki with her plan, he'll only have a few more people out to get him! Something tells me this whole situation isn't going to end well for Ian! What do you guys think?!

Back at the Insurance building, Shirley and Kat are in a blind panic as they're trying to get rid of the gentleman that's walked in on them. Shirley pushes Kat to try and get rid of him. They very subtly and quickly leave the man in the room as he appears to get distracted by sirens approaching the building from outside. Downstairs in the parking lot, Phil is frantic for Kush to get the gate open, Ben quickly notifies Kush that the police are approaching and Kush finally realises that he's been putting the code in wrong, finally he manages to put the code in correctly and franticly, Kat and Shirley dash towards the cars as Phil is shouting for them to get going. Kat pleads to Kush to come with them and leave the one car on it's own, but he's adamant he can do it! As Ben and Shirley drive ahead, the police are gathering outside the building, Kush is frantically trying to get his car to start as Kat begs him to just leave it and go with them. Phil shouts at Kat that they need to move quickly before they get nicked, Kat takes one last look at Kush and simply just says "I'm sorry!" before getting in the car with Phil and leaving him behind.

Kush is absolutely stunned that she's just left him to face the police alone. Callum arrives outside and manages to see Ben leave the scene in his car, only when Phil follows in his car, DI Thompson sees him very clearly and instructs his fellow police officers to go after him. He then instructs Callum to go into the parking lot to see if there is anyone else about. Unfortunately Kush is still struggling to get his car to work, Callum comes face-to-face with Kush and tells him to simply exit the car peacefully as police forces are surrounded everywhere, there is no easy way for him to get out of this now. Kush realises he's backed into a corner, he does everything Callum instructs him to do, only he decides to quickly make a run for it! Callum quickly dashes after him and follows him into a room on the third floor of the building. Kush attempts to hide, Callum comes into the room and spots Kush's reflection, however what he does next is a very interesting thing, he informs his boss that Kush actually got away, much to Kush's relief. When Callum shuts the door, making Kush think he's left the room, Kush attempts to make his escape but is surprised to see Callum still standing there. For a moment, I truly did think Callum was going to let Kush go, but instead he insists on arresting him. Kush begs to let him, but when Callum states he can't simply do that, Kush makes one last threat - if Kush is going to be sent down for this burglary, then he's going to make sure that Ben does to!

Ooooooo what is Callum going to do?! Is he going to let Kush off the hook so he can protect Ben? Will the police catch up with Ben and Phil?! What does this mean for Kat and Kush's relationship?! This has been a brilliant episode to watch, really gripping! I don't think I've seen one as gripping as this for a while! I'm really looking forward to finding out what happens next! What are your thoughts on this episode? What do you think will happen next?! I'd love to hear your thoughts, please feel free to comment or message me, I'll always find the time to reply! Thank you so much for reading! I'll be back again very soon to see what the aftermath of this robbery will be! Love you all xXx

[anastasiaskarsgard]

X marks the spot

Part 1 - Mark POV

Before summer

Warnings: NSFW SMUT SEX CURSING DRUGS ALL OF IT.

I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I stretched out, trying to process what had happened last night. I didn’t see that coming, and The only thing good about it, is I’m alone in my bed.

Fuck. Sarah told me she loved me, and then I fucked her. Why am I such an idiot? I don’t fucking love her, I hardly like her for fucks sake!

Then I remembered the argument with my dad, and groaned. I gotta find a new place to live as well. I forced myself out of bed, and stumbled over to my dresser. I needed a shower to get Sarah off of me, and I needed to brush my teeth and —- oh my god. Sarah loves me.

“Do I hear movement in here?” Sarah called out from my living room.

Fuck! Sarah is still here!

I bolt in my bathroom, and close the door, locking it and turn on the shower. I need to think.

Fuck my life.

I hear the door rattle as Sarah tries to open the door, “Baby! Why is this door locked? Don’t you want company?”

This bitch is psycho, and I fucked her. Amazing job Einstein.“I’m trying to shit, shower and shave.”

“Oh..... Ok, I’ll leave you to it. I cleaned up your house, and I went to the grocery store and bought stuff to make you dinner.” She sang through the door.

“I don’t like talking through the bathroom door. Not trying to be a dick, and all that sounds great, just...”

“Oh, I’m sorry baby! I’ll be out here waiting lover.”

Baby? Lover? Oh hell no, fucking psycho. No shit she’s out there waiting. Fucking stalker. I fucking knew better than to fuck with her, but she’s so persistent.

I hopped in the shower and scrubbed myself down. I needed to get dressed, get my shit and get out, without her seeing me somehow.

I didn’t wanna face her so I decided I’d climb out the bathroom window,and go look at some places, and just deal with her later. my wallet and phone are by the bed, I can sneak out and grab them.

I carefully opened the bathroom door and peeked out. Room was empty! I quietly crept across the room and grabbed all the things I needed, and bolted back in the bathroom.

It was hard not to bust out laughing as I crawled out my own bathroom window, and I prayed my parents weren’t out back for some reason. My truck was parked up front, and I didn’t see Sarah’s car. If she left again, and I snuck out the window for nothing, than that’s even funnier. I felt ridiculous running away from her, but Sarah and I had a complicated relationship, and I did not want to face that now. I mean she wasnt that bad, I’m just not interested. I’ve told her as much, but she thinks I’m playing hard to get or some bullshit. Better to avoid her since there’s no reasoning with her.

Fuck I’m an idiot.

I always knew Sarah was a bad idea but everyone else thought I was crazy. My Dad even loves Sarah, and I’m not sure he loves me!!! He Thought she was a “nice girl” which is only cuz she comes from money.

The only people with more money than our family, was her parents and Sarah is their only child. Both her parents died in a plane crash when she was about eleven, so she was left in Nance’s care, (Ems late Mother). She’d taken her in as her own, closing up Sarah’s mansion, and moving her into her home.

After Nance was killed, Em couldn’t stand her house anymore, so Sarah moved them into her family’s old mansion up the road. They threw large parties with drugs, and booze, and just absolute chaos. I figured all the DeGenerate behavior helped everyone forget.

(FLASHBACK)

I avoided them all like the plague, until I heard they were having a going away party for Lily. I couldn’t think of a better reason to have a party, than celebrating that bitch leaving. I rolled up in therewith my boys, honestly expecting drama, but surprisingly was welcomed with open arms.... and legs. Too open.

They were all fucked up, rolling, and Sarah, Em, and Lily decided we should all fuck. I made it clear I still had no interest in anything to do with Lily, and stormed out. I didn’t know where my boys were that I’d ridden there with, but I lived close enough to walk.

I know I look like a pussy, running away from a foursome with three hot girls, but the way Lily turned out to be, was painful. She’d been my first everything, and although I could of been a better boyfriend, I NEVER cheated on her.

When that leak happened of everyone’s phones, i wasn’t even interested. I thought it was fucked up, until my boys sent me the pictures that we all knew were Lily. Then I sat there reading through all their messages, and realized that a lot of them were sent, when she was with me. I’m sitting there thinking I have my dream girl, and she’s sneaking off to the bathroom, sending pictures of her finger banging herself and shit. And not only that, she let him watch us fuck through the window when we were at a party. I’m eating her fucking pussy, and she’s texting the 37 year old married guy, that she babysat for, and had dinner with his wife and kid.

It was so fucked. And then, she wouldn’t fucking give me the common courtesy to tell me the truth. We all knew it was her! Yet she was gonna lie to my face. I’m ashamed how I handled it tho. I just wanted to expose her for the homewrecking whore that she was. I felt like an idiot, for turning down pussy left and right for two fucking years, just to find out I wasn’t shit to her.

“MARK!”

Fuck. I turned around, to find Sarah stumbling along in a bikini drinking from a bottle of Belvedere Vodka. “GO HOME SARAH!”

“NOT TILL I SUCK YOUR DICK MARK.”

Fuckkng classy. I swear I attract the craziest women. I couldn’t help but laugh at her. I spun around and jogged up to her. I pointed in the direction she came, “go home Sarah. You’re drunk.”

“You jealous?” She asked playfully.

“Actually yes,” I said as I grabbed the bottle out of her hand, and took a giant swig. I turned around, and headed back home, downing the vodka as I went. I figured a half bottle of vodka, would help me pass right out, and forget this whole night. I turned to walk down my long ass driveway when I heard something behind me.

“Mark! I’m not giving up till I at least get to see it. WHIP IT OUT!”

I turned around and grabbed Sarah by her arm, “do you want to wake up my parents? Shut the fuck up.” I whispered harshly.

“Show me it. Let me see.” She whispered.

“Why? Where’s your homies? Why are you following me?” I was at my wits end with this shit.

“I don’t feel so good,” she started to wobble and almost fell.

I reached out and caught her just in time before she fell to the ground. She was out cold. I couldn’t leave her on the ground, and I wasn’t carrying her all the way home. I was too drunk to drive.

Shit.

I carried her to the guest house I lived in behind our mansion, and deposited her on the couch. I got a drink and then passed out on my bed. I was woken up by her snuggling up to me, but I was too tired to care.

I told her nothing happened since we woke up still dressed, but she was determined to suck my dick, and a man can only resist a hot girl so long. And that’s how whatever it was we had, started.

She gave the most incredible fucking head I ever got too. It’s like she loved my dick. Swear to God. She’d fucking fall asleep nuzzled up to my dick, and wake up and suck it again. It was amazing, but I didn’t like her beyond a friend, that was fun to fuck around with. I thought we were on the same page...... until New Years.

Her parents died on their way to party in New York, on New Years, so it was understandably a rough time for Sarah. She called me hysterical, and I couldn’t understand her, so I went to her house. She was home alone, out of her mind, on god knows what. I asked her where her partner in crime was, and she told me that Em had ODed on some bad shit, and was going to be ok, but was in a facility. She didn’t want to be around any people except for me. I should have read between the lines there, but I didn’t, and we hung out playing video games all night, watching movies and it was actually a great night. She was really a cool girl, and we’d been homies since elementary, I just didn’t like like her.

The next morning, when we were both sober, she tried to fuck me with no condom, which is a big no from me. I always use a condom, and she knew that. She was extremely aggressive about it, and when I refused, she flipped out on me. We got in this huge argument, and both said horrible things, and I swore that was the end of Sarah and I.

She called and texted all the time, but I never responded. She even sent me flowers and balloons, as well as showed up places I was at. I would just leave. I promised myself, I’d stay away from that whole clique.

I’d kept my word too and stayed away from her till this morning. I got home, and she was waiting on me on our porch. It was pretty tense between my Dad and I, and I didn’t need more ammo for him. I didn’t want him to think something was going on between us, so I told her to go wait in my house, while I talked to my parents real quick.

Dad and I had a knock down, drag out screaming match, and I completely forgot about Sarah.

I needed to get my own place, out from under their thumb. I knew they’d be pissed, but they’d get over it. I jumped in my truck and headed to 711 for a Big Gulp. I knew the owner had a home for rent, that had a big yard, to hold all my equipment for my business. We chatted, and he was all for me moving in. He wanted to give me the tour in a few hours, so I decided to find something to do in the area.

I checked my phone, and there were like 40 messages from Sarah and another 29 from my mom. Well I wasn’t going to go home for sure now. Had that bitch actually told my mother?

There was another message from a new number, that was a woman that wanted to sell a house she’d inherited. She stated the yard needed to be fixed up, and the upstairs required attention.

I called her back, and she gave me the address which turned out to be really close. She said she’d be there all day, so I said I’d come right over and give her some estimates.

I almost threw up when I realized the house I was pulling up to. It was Nick Mathers house of horrors. Nick had killed his wife and child and then been murdered by someone himself. It had reportedly been a super gory, bloody scene that the news said was the worst thing the police ever saw.

I stopped in front, and tried to decide if I was going to help, or just go. I put my truck into drive, and nearly drove away, but then I saw her.

The most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, came bouncing down the porch steps, waving gleefully at me. She had a banging body, and gorgeous face, with really long hair. She was seriously the closest to love at first sight, I think is possible. Not love, but lust for sure.

I got out of my truck as she ran up to me and surprised me with a big hug. I awkwardly hugged her back, and hoped my face wasn’t as red as it felt. She hopped back happily and I just stared at her like an idiot.

“Hi! I’m Brooke! I called you about the yard. This was my sisters' house, and we wanna get rid of it so I was hoping you can jazz it up please?” She was more gorgeous close-up, and something about her was just so adorable. She looked like she was trying not to cry, even though she was smiling I realized.

“Are you ok?” I asked her with genuine concern.

She looked up at me with big tears in her eyes and shook her head and went in for another hug. I held her as she sobbed into my chest, petting her hair and telling her to get it all out.

She giggled the cutest giggle I’d ever heard and for the first time in years, I felt the butterflies in my stomach, and was determined to make her mine.

“I must seem crazy.” She said.

“No, not at all! I'm familiar with what happened here, and I’m sorry about what happened to your sister and her daughter. I’d love to help you get this house all ready to sell. I can do more than landscaping too. Any house stuff or paint or whatever, I’m pretty handy.” I reassured her. I didn’t even care if she paid me, I just wanted to get to know her. “My name is Mark and I’m at your service. You really shouldn’t be doing this alone. You’re not staying here are you?”

“No. I am starting school after the summer, so I got an apartment by the campus, and figured I’d sell the house before school begins. Hopefully.” She said looking up at me.

“Well considering the house was in the news a lot and is kinda famous, I suggest we paint it another color and change the landscaping completely, so it’s not that house.”

“Won’t that be expensive.”

“No it’s not too bad, I know a guy.” I winked.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” She asked suspiciously.

“Well it seems pretty fucked up you’re doing this alone, and I’m a gentleman.” I told her. I’d leave out the love at first sight stuff for now.

“That’s the truth? You’re not like a gorgeous, charming serial killer? No offense, but guys that look like you, are never nice.”

“I think you give me more credit than I deserve. You’re one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever seen.”

She blushed and smiled brightly. “Funny. I was just thinking the same about you.”

Now I was blushing. I could feel it. I tried to play it off with a joke, “I’m not a very pretty girl. I’m a bit on the big side.”

“Omg Mark, are you blushing?” She squealed, reaching up and placing her hand tenderly on my cheek. I wasn’t used to such affectionate familiarity, but it didn’t make me uncomfortable like it normally would.

She kept her hand on my face as she stared into my eyes and I couldn’t look away. We stood there, quite awhile, till I broke the silence. “Ok. Let’s not be awkward. I’m not used to people telling me I’m pretty. Sorry. Now, where do i start?”

“Well, how much do you cost and what do we need to get and...”

“I’m not gonna charge you labor. I wouldn’t feel right about that. You just buy materials and I’ll help you.” I interrupted her.

Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open,”What? That’s crazy!”

“No, what’s crazy is what happened to your family here. The least I can do is help.” I insisted. It really was horrible.

“Wow, Mark. You’re my new favorite person.” She smiled up at me through her lashes.

It took all I had in me not to grab her and kiss her right there. I wasn’t going to fuck this up tho and scare her. I was going to help her, and get to know her, and wait for her to make a move. I liked her way too much already. I’d never felt this way about a girl right off the bat. Not even Lily. Definitely not Sarah.

Shit. Sarah.

I’ll deal with that later, that’s future me’s problem. Right now, all I cared about was right here in front of me.

[ladymusic600]

ET

My mom didn’t make a lot of money and my father left before i was born, I was already dealing with the shame of receiving free school lunches and the looks associated with that. Some of my school friends laughed and poked fun. They chuckled and I even joked about it with them. But for me, on the inside, it wasn’t funny at all. I know how tough it can be to use a soup spoon or button a shirt. I struggle with these seemingly easy, day-to-day tasks too. But I think it shows your true character to keep soldiering on and finding a way, day after day, to keep rising above the challenges. This is a nerve disorder causing uncontrollable shaking usually to the top half of the body. The tremors can make easy and everyday tasks so much more difficult. These tremors can make something as easy as feeding yourself, dressing yourself a challenge. A person with these tremors can have difficulty using a spoon or picking up a glass without spilling what is inside. This is something i have had sense birth. It truly does affect my entire body: my arms, hands, legs(which make me fall and trip), lips, stomach. It even affects my voice, which I find very stressful as it often sounds like I am about to cry when I am in a nervous situation- so phone calls would, naturally, be another source of anxiety for me as I was always worried the person on the other end of the phone would think I was upset. There are many factors that exasperate and intensify my tremor which include: anxiety, being hungry, being too tired, being too cold, being too hot, adrenaline, caffeine and the worst of all: being hungover. There is another huge point to cover here- alcohol completely gets rid of the tremor and when I say it completely gets rid of it, I mean it becomes non-existent, doctors say its ok to have a little but come on? wouldn't you drink like a fish out of water if it made you normal. Therefore throughout my teens I would often drink to self-medicate and relieve the stress that the tremor would put on me. Alcohol would also allow me to do everyday things that I couldn’t do with the tremor (for instance: walking down steps(i need to hold on someone or something), taking a drink, eating soup, writing, the list goes on and on.) I remember enjoying the feeling the alcohol gave me as it made me feel like a ‘normal’ person and I couldn’t believe that people were actually living their lives with this feeling of normality and I was extremely jealous of that. Imagine that, the one cure to your condition, is something that can actually kill you (or is extremely dangerous). But this was a really big problem for me and I was in denial for years that I had become dependent on drinking to calm my tremor and my anxiety. I had normalized using alcohol to self-medicate and kept it a secret for years. I decided to have a drink to calm myself down and stop my legs from shaking, when going out to meet new friends. Of course as one does when socializing this led to another drink and then another. The next morning and I realize my tremor is so bad that I can barely even stand up. So, I went through my options and decided the only real way I could even get out of bed was to have another drink… so I did. This cycle continued drinking, waking up with a hangover, not being able to stand/walk and then drinking again to be able to continue with daily life. The thing is my friends and family would have to carry me days after...So naturally i stopped drinking all together. People don't understand that one day you can be happy and notice its not as bad as you remember but then....there are those days where I have trouble holding things, i drop things on my feet, i fall over a ghost foot, needing help down stairs, i cut my hand, burn myself, can't dress myself, sound like im having a mental break down...i could go on and on how bad it gets....But Imagine waking up one day and trying to drink a cup of hot coffee without burning yourself. Just imagine when you have your good days and bad days, meaning good days being where you can do stuff without even remembering you have this shaking problem. To bad days literally where the moment you get up you know its going to be a long day of wanting to scream cry and throw everything in frustration because you can’t feed yourself or dress yourself, that you are kinda like a new born again, that you just want to go back to sleep and wake up the next day. But the next day might be the same or better you never know. And you know whats sad about this is im a small person and between 100-106 pounds and short and cops always stop me and ask for my id because they think im on drugs….i only met one cop and that day sadly was at night i was working on a children’s haunted train ride and we were both zombies. Not once did he every think that i was on drugs and it was like 60ish degrees out side and that was cold to me so i was shaking like crazy. I came to realize when i got home he just thought i was cold…then i got into my own head and started getting depressed. The thought of people feeling sorry for me, thinking of me as ‘helpless’, or weak was just awful heartbreaking and was one of the reasons why I kept it a secret for so long. I know if i every have a kid in the future that they will have this as well and that makes me cry thinking about them going through this as well. Im going put a innocent child in this world to get bullied like i did and not be able to do things on there own... Im still to scared to tell people about it, it's embarrassing. Eventually it will get worse which makes me sad but even then as far as neurological disorders go, it’s not as bad as it could be and for that I’m grateful. Like When im paying for stuff god i feel horrible because im shaking and nervous which makes it worse and im left feeling guilty and apologizing to everyone every time. Sometimes it makes me want to scream, fall to my knees and cry because i feel like im just slowing people down or they get embarrassed by me. I have difficulty cooking and have burned and cut myself multiple times, I can’t drive when my tremors are bad because Im scared…I’m at the point now where I avoid eating and drinking in public even if im out all day i still won’t. I’m socially awkward all the time even when im not shaking im just shy and weird haha. See The dating scene can be a bit tricky, especially with people who aren’t really used to seeing you, or anyone else, with tremors. I NEVER been on a date in my life and im kind of scared to go on one because i have to wear wrist and forearm weights. Essential Tremors is a progressive neurological condition that causes a shaking within the hands, head, voice or legs and in some cases an internal shaking is reported. Essential Tremors are most normally confused with Parkinson’s but is more common and while Parkinson’s lessens with more movement, ET worsens with movement, anxiety, stress and strain. Unlike Parkinson's, which is a degenerative disease that causes someone to lose brain cells, essential tremor is not a degenerative disorder. Usually, the tremor that's characteristic of essential tremor occurs while the person is performing a movement-oriented activity – such as eating, drinking, writing, typing or brushing teeth – or when the hand is in a still but outstretched position (called a postural tremor). The severity can range from a barely noticeable trembling that's exacerbated by stress, anxiety, fatigue, excess caffeine or certain stimulant asthma medications to a severe, disabling tremor that has a significant impact on your ability to perform daily activities. For people with severe tremor that doesn't respond to drugs, surgical therapies and other treatments are gaining traction. With deep brain stimulation, a probe is implanted in the thalamus, the part of the brain that causes tremors, and a wire runs from the probe to a pacemaker-like device implanted in the chest. "We use the pacemaker to jam the tremor signal inside the brain," "If the tremor gets worse, we can dial up the stimulation." Hearing that scares me, because you can't be asleep when you have this surgery, you have to be awake so they know they have it in the right place. Recent epidemiological studies indicate that individuals with ET are at slightly increased risk of developing dementia (particularly Alzheimer’s disease) compared to their age-matched counterparts without ET. Similar studies also show that persons with ET have a more than four-times increased risk of developing Parkinson’s disease. The mechanisms for these associations are currently under study. so….would you date me knowing possibly by the time im 40-50ish that i might need help with almost everything i do? would you date me knowing i could possibly give ET to our kid? would you date me knowing there are times where i scream bloody murder because i can’t handle the shaking?  would you date me knowing that there will be times where i zone out and get depressed because i either know my out come or because i im scared of it? i want someone who loves me and not because of sympathy…

[i-have-a-wonky-eye-too]

Teach, America... Part 8

WARNING this chapter is THE BIG ONE!! SMUT SMUT SMUT

Warnings: swearing, fingering, smut, 18+ readers

“I love you.”

The words just left my mouth. I didn’t even bat an eyelid. Of course I love Steve. He makes me feel better about myself. He makes me laugh and smile all day long. He’s willing to put his life on the line for me. He makes me want to push myself, to prove I’m worth something.

Steve very slowly placed me on my feet again, his eyes not once leaving mine. I couldn’t read his face. His eyes were filled with his usual happiness but his mouth was in a straight line. My chest tightened at the realisation of what I had just said.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sor-”

Steve’s mouth crashed down onto mine as he cupped my face. I instantly moaned into his mouth as I slipped my arms around his neck. Steve pushed his tongue into my mouth after drawing another moan out of me. I was more than happy to follow his actions, letting Steve take charge. He was the Captain after all. After a couple more minutes of heated and rough kissing we both pulled back. Our chests heaving, our foreheads resting on one another, our bodies wrapped up in each other.

“I love you, too.” Steve whispered.

I lifted my head slowly to look at him. “You, wh-what?”

Steve opened his mouth to speak but the arrival of a taxi cut it him off. “Taxi, sir?”

“Yes, please.” Steve opened the back door, smiling as he took my hand. “After you, sweetheart.” I thanked him before I got into the taxi, followed by Steve.

“Where to?” the driver asked.

“Brooklyn, please.” Steve smiled politely at him as he sat back. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side.

Whilst we sat in the comfortable silence that had settled between us, there was two things going through my mind. One, we’d both just said ‘I love you’ and two, Brooklyn. We were going to Steve’s. In the three months Steve and I had been together I’ve never been there. Mostly because Steve and I go out after work or school but also, Steve finds it hard to let people in after losing so much.

“Doll?” I lifted my head meeting Steve’s gaze. His brow was slightly creased. “DId you mean it?” he asked, his fingers lightly brushing yours.

I nodded biting my bottom lip. “Did you?” Steve nodded, leaning in to me. “Are you sure? We’ve only been-”

Steve very lightly brushed his lips over mine with a slight smirk before he pressed them firmly against mine. He held my face in his hand, holding me close to him. Needing air to breath sooner than Steve I was the first to pull away. “I know, it’s only been three months, doll, but I’ve known from the moment I saved you, there was a reason I said I’d get you.” he smiled softly at me.

“What do you mean?” I raised my eyebrow. “Who else was coming for me?” I asked. He’d never mentioned it before.

Steve’s face reddened as he began to talk. “Stark. I, saw you and when Stark said he could get to you I felt… jealous.” he sighed. “I didn’t want him to, save you and… miss my chance, to have just a minute of you in my life.” If I didn’t love him before, after hearing him say that, I definitely do now.

“Well, I’m glad it was you and not Mr Stark.” I kissed Steve’s cheek. “Much rather have you as my hero.” I smirked up at him.

Steve chuckled as he turned his head towards me, his eyes bright and full of happiness and love. His laugh settled into a happy and content smile as he nodded. “I’m glad too, doll.”

I nodded biting my lip, my gaze landed on my hands. I twisted my fingers together as I pondered whether or not to ask what i was thinking.

“Doll?” Steve placed his hand on mine. “What’s wrong?”  I shook my head as I chewed on my lip. “Hey-” Steve placed his finger under my chin, lifting my face so he could look me in  the eyes. “We love each other. You can tell me. Anything.” Steve pecked my lips before grinning.

I took a deep breath closing my eyes. “Why are we going to yours? We never do.” I kept my eyes firmly shut, too afraid to look at Steve. I was worried I sounded like I was pushing him.

“Because, I love you, Y/N…” Steve whispered, his warm breath brushing the side of my face and neck. “I look into your eyes, seeing all that care and love, makes my heart almost stop… my legs feel weak… I know, I have for a while, I want us to go… all the way…”

My eyes widened a little glancing to the driver, checking he didn’t hear. “Wh-what? Like… me and you- ya’ know… all the way like- physical, love?” I whispered, immediately regretting it. Physical love? I sighed shaking my head.

Steve burst out laughing, his head falling back as he did. I began feeling stupid by the way he reacted. I turned my head trying to pull away from him, only to have him pull me closer to him. “You’re cute, doll. He kissed my cheek. “I meant, marriage, Y/N. Someday, I see a ring on that, finger-” he pointed to my ring finger. “-living a long and happy life... “ he cleared his throat a little as a little blush filled his cheeks. “And yes… physical love, too.” Steve whispered into my ear. “I’m ready, Y/N.”

It was all a blur. The cab pulled up outside of Steve’s apartment building and before I knew it I were walking down the hallway towards Steve’s door. The closer I got the more it dawned on me; marriage, sex, Steve, me.

Steve opened his apartment door stepping in. As I stayed outside trying to convince myself to go in, Steve turned his lights on and took his jacket off, before turning back to me. “Doll?” he held his hand out to me with a simple smile.

I shook my head. “Steve, we- I-” I sighed. “Why not? Is it just because I said I love you because, that’s not why-”

“Doll.” Steve stepped closer. “I’m ready to make love to you. I’ve just been waiting for the right sign to say, I was right to be feeling this way about you. And, you saying I love you first-” he grinned. “Was that sign, doll. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I smiled softly, stepping forwards taking his hand. “And, if you’re ready… so am I.” I leaned up pressing my lips to his lightly.

He nodded. “I am.” he took a deep breath. “Shall I, get us a drink? I’ve got some wine.” I nodded slowly. “Right. Do you want to sit on the couch or in my room? Or, we could-”

“Steve.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. “Take a breath, okay.” I smiled up at him. He nodded quickly, his cheeks going a bit red again. “Why don’t we just go straight to your room? Sit, relax, talk… okay?”

“Okay, doll. You go a head, I’ll get the wine.” he kissed my forehead before stepping away from me.

I watched Steve walk away as I took my coat off. It looked like he was giving himself some kind of pep-talk, his hands were moving about in front of him. I shook my head with a smirk. Bless him, he made my heart swell up even more. I took a deep breath as my eyes landed on Steve’s bedroom. Never as a doorknob ever looked so terrifying.

Thirteen and a half steps and I was grasping the doorknob, pushing the door open. I stepped in the dimly lit room, the only light coming from the hall. Giving the room a once over I walked over to the desk in the corner of the room and flicked on the lamp that was sat on top. The room was now filled with another orange glow. A little more romantic?

I turned round slowly, letting my eyes dance over Steve Rogers’ bedroom. The first thing I noticed was the perfectly made bed, tight enough a quarter could bounce off it. A soft smile graced my face at the thought of Steve being so precise on a morning. My eyes landed on a couple of photographs on the bedside table. I stepped closer with a squint. One was of Steve when he was skinny with another guy, both wearing suits and giant grins. Steve’s suit looked to be three times too big for him. The other picture was of a woman; neatly held hair, what to be a perfectly made army uniform.

“You must be Peggy.” a sorrowful smile covered my face. “Thank you, for believing in him.”

Steve had spoke fondly about Peggy and who she was to him. Some women might feel second best, in some way, maybe I was. But, like Steve said, someone had different ideas for him. And as sad as it might seem, even horrible to say, but Peggy and Steve had their time in the 40’s. Now Steve and I have ours. If it wasn’t for Peggy, Steve wouldn’t be here today. He wouldn’t be the loving, caring, gentle, sweetheart that saved my life and kept my heart.

“Other than Buck, she was the only one.” Steve’s sudden voice appearance made me jump. I almost dropped the picture of Peggy. “Sorry, doll.” Steve chuckled as he walked over to me.

I put the picture down and took the glass of wine Steve offered me. “Thank you.” I smiled. “Sorry, I was just, looking around after I put the lamp on.”

Steve shook his head as he took a sip. “No need to apologise, sweetheart.” he smiled softly, glancing down at the pictures.

“She’s beautiful.” I commented, taking another sip of my wine.

Steve nodded. “She was. Smart too, and brave.. Definitely but Bucky and the other boys in their place.” he chuckled.

Bucky? The picture. “Is that, Bucky?” I pointed. Steve nodded quietly, his gaze fixed on the picture. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be asking all these questions.” I sighed as I turned away walking to the foot of the bed.

“No, wait.” Steve whispered behind me.  “I do, want to tell you, doll. I do. I- It’s just… I’ve never, really spoken to anyone… about it.” he sighed again lowering his head. “It’s hard.”

I frowned closing the gap between us. I gently placed my hand on his cheek, stroking my thumb over his soft skin. “I know, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

Steve nodded as he looked up, his beautiful blue eyes filled with love. “I love you…” he smiled softly as he took my glass from and placed it on the bedside table along with his. “I know we’ve said it a thousand times already tonight but-” Steve began smirking as he slipped his left arm around my waist. “I do love you, Y/N… you might be thankful for Peggy believing in me but, I’m thankful for you, your love, for saving you that day and looking in those beautiful Y/E/C eyes, that told me I was done.” he whispered before his lips softly fell in place against mine.

I closed my eyes savouring the feeling of Steve’s warm lips moving with mine. I moaned into his mouth as he brushed his tongue over my bottom lip. I opened my mouth, willingly letting Steve slip is tongue in. He just tasted so good. Our hands moved in sync. As I began pulling at his shirt tucked in his pants, Steve’s fingers curled under the hem of my jumper and made quick work pulling it up over my head, breaking our kiss. Our eyes met as Steve threw my jumper somewhere in the room. I could see how much love and lust filled them. Steve placed his hands very gently onto my hips as my fingers began unbuttoning his shirt, our lips once again meeting. My fingers brushed over Steve’s firm chest, sending a shiver not only down Steve’s spine but mine too. I slipped my hands under the fabric and pushed it over his broad shoulder, down his thick arms and let it fall behind him onto the floor. I could feel Steve’s skin tingle under my touch.

Steve pulled back with a deep sigh. “I’m sorry.” he whispered, letting his forehead rest on mine. “I just, need a minute.”

I nodded slightly. “It’s fine… we can take our time, sweetheart.”

Steve nodded again taking a deep breath. “I just- I’m just worried. Everything I know is from hearing Bucky brag about what dame he’s had back in the day.” he sighed.

I chuckled a little as I took a step back, holding Steve’s hand in mine as I sat on the edge of the bed. Steve followed sitting on my right side. “Look, it doesn’t matter what you know and don’t know, Steve. As long as you’re ready, you feel comfortable with the person you’ve decided to experience this life changing moment with and you feel safe and loved, that’s all that matters. Trust me.” I smiled placing my hand on his left cheek.

Steve nodded taking a deep breath. “I do, doll, I do.” he turned his head towards me. “I just, I’m just worried about disappointing you.”

I chuckled a little, moving closer to him. “Sweetheart-” I very slowly slid my hand up his back. “I’m not exactly the world's leading expert when it comes to sex.” I whispered. All I know is what I like… and what men like… everything extra, you work on together to find what you both like.” I kissed under his ear lightly, earning a soft moan from him. I began smirking to myself. “Would you like me to show you?” I asked.

“Yes, please.” Steve whispered.

I kissed his ear again, my lips lingering for a little longer this time. Steve let out another, louder moan. I kissed across his jaw and back again. “This, is always nice.” I smiled. I moved down his neck, kissing and licking. “You taste good, baby.”

“Please-”

“I like being kissed, licked… bit.” I whispered. “Touch me too.” I brushed my fingers over his chest and abs.

With a growl, Steve turned round, pushing me backwards. This time he didn’t hold back. His hands grabbed my waist as his lips crashed against mine. He didn’t bother waiting, he just pushed his tongue into my mouth, not that I  was bothered. After a few minutes he pulled away but only to latch hi slips onto my neck, sucking. His hands moved up, hesitating over my breasts.

“Please, Steve… you ca.” I pleaded with him to touch me. He nodded, his lips still kissing away at my neck and collarbone. His left hand slipped round my back, grasping a hold of the clasp of my rather expensive lacy black bra, trying his best to blindly unfasten it. “Steve, wou-would you like m-” before I could ask if he needed my help he growled, wrapped both his hands around the back strap and ripped the material. “Steve!” I gasped.

Steve pulled back just enough so he could pull the bra off me, freeing my plumo,sensitive breast. “Sorry, doll.” he blushed a little. His eyes darkened as they took in my breasts.

He looked up with a small smile. His left hand softly cupped my breast, pulling a low moan from me. “God, you’re beautiful.” he whispered. He leaned down placing a soft kiss on to my lips. “So… beautiful.”

He began working his way down from my lips to my jaw, neck and collar. Kissing, sucking, nipping. He made his way towards my breasts, lightly nibbling at the tops before descending and taking one nipple into his mouth. I moaned loudly as Steve suddenly bit down.

“Shit, sorry doll. Di-Did I hurt you?” Steve looked down at me horrified.

I shook my head, pulling his head back down. “No, no! I-I like it… please, don’t stop.” I pleaded.

Steve was hesitant at first but when he started to suck again I could feel he was enjoying it. Soon the pair of us began pulling (or tearing if you’re Steve) each others clothes off, until we were both completely naked.

HOT DAMN!

“Wait-” I pushed on Steve’s shoulder to stop him. He pulled back from me with a frown. I took a deep breath as I glanced down. My eyes landing on his magnificent, glorious cock. I just wanted to wrap my mouth around it and suck him dry. It was… big. MASSIVE, in fact. “Steve, before you put-” I bit my lip looking up to him. “You need to, hmm… prepare for entry.” I bit back my giggle.

Steve chuckled with a nod and a slight blush. “Uhh… yeah… I thought, you might-” he gulped. “So, I- hmm…”

“Watch.” I whispered.

I started with sucking my fingers then began showing Steve how I like to be touched. He was definitely a quick learner. I didn’t even have to tell him to take over. He started with slow circles on my burning, throbbing clit before brushing a finger up and down my soaked folds, slowly easing a finger into me.

“Shit!” repeatedly Steve pumped his finger in and out of me. “Oh God… Please... “ Steve kissed my neck as his finger moved in side me. “More… another… fing-”

“You sure, doll?”

“Yes!”

Steve pushed a second of his thick fingers in, filling me. I’d never felt so full and that was nothing compared to what was to come. “God, doll…”

I felt my pussy clench around Steve’s fingers as my body suddenly burned from head to toe. A wave of emotion washed over me as I came. Hard. “Shit!” I gasped. Steve slowly pulled his fingers from me with an almost smug look on his face. “Wow… Steeve…” I smiled up at him.

He blushed looking away from me. “I- hmm-”

I leaned up gently pressing my lips to his, pulling him closer, feeling his hard on touch my sensitive clit. “Make love to me, Steve.” I whispered up to him as I cupped his face in my hands. Steve nodded, wearing a loving smile as he leaned down and kissed me again.

“I don’t, hmm, have-”

“Protection?” I laid my hand on his cheek reassuring him with a smile. “I do.” i kissed him lightly. “Lay down.”

As Steve laid down I got up from the bed and grabbed my jeans. Always keep a condom with me. Not because I’m always wanting dick, it’s just better safe than sorry. I turned round opened the foil packet and took it.

“Wow. One of Bucky’s dates wouldn’t have had one of those back in the day. Things really have changed.” Steve gulped.

I rolled my eyes a little. “As long as your friend Bucky, did, then things should have been okay.” you smiled at him. “Ready, sweetheart?” he nodded slowly as I laid back down next to Steve.. I very gently rolled the condom on Steve’s length, feeling him twitch and harden more (if it was possible) in my hand.

“Ah, shit!” Steve’s head fell back as he moaned out.

I began kissing Steve’s neck again as he rolled on top of me. Steve lifted himself so his weight wasn’t on me as I gripped a hold of his cock, lining him up at my entrance. Slowly, Steve began to push into me.

“AH, shit… Steve…” I moaned out as Steve filled me. “Slow, Steve…” my hand held onto Steve’s bicep as he did, my nails digging into his skin.

“You okay, doll?” I nodded biting my lip.

“Yeah… good… please… move.” I begged.

Steve nodded. At first he started slow, pulling out as he kissed me but soon enough the adrenalin took over. Every time he pushed back in, he hit that special spot. The noises and curses that came from the pair of us filled the air along with the heat filled the air.

“Fuck, Steve… yes… so, good.” I moaned wrapping my legs around his waist, letting Steve go deeper. “Yes! Steve-”

“Mmm… sweetheart… so good.”

Our sweaty bodies slid against one another. The sound of skin slapping skin, mixed with pure pleasure was a sympathy. Soon the pair of us were almost there. “Steve, I’m… close… please-”

“Me too, doll. Together.” he kissed my neck as he whispered ‘I love you’ repeatedly. That was it. My eyes screwed shut as we cried out in ecstasy, my cunt squeezed around Steve’s cock, taking everything (there was a lot). It took a few moments of heavy breathing for us to collect ourselves.

The sound of synchronised bangs enlightened us to the fact it was midnight. The room lit up with reds and blues as the fireworks celebration continued. My eyes were only focused on the look Steve gave me as he smiled down at me. His usually neatly kept hair was now messily covering his forehead that was covered in sweat. He looked beautiful.

“I love you.” I whispered as I reached up placing my hand on his cheek.

Steve smile grew as he leaned into my touch. “I know.” he whispered closing the gap. I felt like my heart was going to explode from all the love the two of us were sharing in that one kiss.

I’d never felt that with anyone before.

Taglist: @panicatttckiss @mixedmelanin

[blossom-hwa]

Wedding Shenanigans - YUTA

well here’s the result of thinking about my cousin’s wedding and mixing yuta in

Pairing: Yuta x fem!OC

Genre: fluff, fake dating!au

Word Count: 4.8k

You really have no wish to go to your former best friend’s wedding to your ex, but somehow your mom convinced you to and Yuta’s coming as your plus one. The whole wedding is more annoying than you thought it’d be but you do get one good thing out of it.

NCT Masterlist

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:26 am

Um

Why is there a torn up card in the trash

That was printed with lovely gold calligraphy

That invites you to Yukari’s wedding

You, March 9, 10:28 am

Mom why the he k are you going through my trashh

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:28 am

That is beside the point young lady

The real question is why are you planning on not going

You, March 9, 10:29 am

Because i’m antisocial?

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:30 am

BS

You, March 9, 10:30 am

fine

fish out enough pieces to see who she’s getting married to

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:31 am

Okay

Oh

You, March 9, 10:32 am

now do you see why??

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:33 am

I’m so sorry Suzumi

You, March 9, 10:33 am

I’m fine mom

I just don’t want to go

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:34 am

I see why

But isn’t this the time to show that you’ve moved on? That you’re more successful than her and will always be?

You, March 9, 10:35 am

Do you really think I can stomach seeing her kiss my ex

I literally do not care if they love each other or not

It’s just that he was a cheating ass and she went behind my back for THIRTEEN MONTHS

i’m done with them

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:37 am

I still think you should go. You’re successful, young, and more than capable of outshining the two so-called lovebirds

You, March 9, 10:38 am

never thought i’d see the ady where my own mother wanted me to crush my former best friend

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:39 am

Times change sweetie

I want revenge as much as you do.

Bring someone as your plus one if you need moral support

You, March 9, 10:40 am

why can i not bring you as my plus one and have you do the talking for me

Female Parental Unit, March 9, 10:40 am

I think you can answer your own question

And also your father and I have a date planned for that day and he’s always so busy that I’m not going to miss it

Now are you going or not

You, March 9, 10:42 am

I’ll think about it

and why the heck do you two plan your dates so in advance

[Read by one at 10:42 am]

DON’T LEAVE ME ON READ

~~~

“Yuta,” you say breathlessly, catching his sleeve with your hand. “Hold the fuck up.”

“What is it, Suzumi?” He turns around, crossing his arms over his chest. “What did I do this time?”

You scowl. “Nothing, for once.”

“Then why do you want me?”

“Do you know how that wrong that sounds?”

“… just answer my question.”

You huff, mimicking his pose. “So my former backstabbing bitch of a best friend and my cheating ass of an ex are getting married and decided for some fucked up reason to invite me. My mom has convinced me to go so I can flaunt my success in front of them and show them I’ve moved on but I also need moral support so I’m asking you to go as my plus one.”

Yuta blinks.

Then he blinks again.

Then he opens his mouth. “What?”

Rolling your eyes, you repeat what you just said.

“So you want me to go as your date?” he asks incredulously. “Why me, of all people?”

“It doesn’t have to be as a date. I’ll just introduce you as my friend. This is not one of those mangas you read or whatever, Yuta. And because you’re the only one besides Taeyong who’s single and I don’t want to subject Tae to that kind of torture. You know he’s a quiet guy.”

“Doyoung?”

“His girlfriend is nice but gets kinda jealous and I can only bring one other.”

“Sicheng?”

“Oh hey, he’s single… but have you not seen him making eyes at the cute new transfer? She’s totally into him too.”

“Jaehyun?”

“Are you a fucking dumbass?”

“Taeil?”

“Do you want free food or not?!”

At the words ‘free food,’ Yuta perks up. “Yes!”

“Then are you coming or not?!”

“Fine.”

“Great, I’ll text you the details… just know that you need a tuxedo.”

“Fucking hell.”

“Free food.”

“… yeah, you’re right.”

~~~

The wedding is too much hassle for you to be eager about it, and you’re not even the one getting married.

“Do I SERIOUSLY need to get her a wedding gift?” you ask your mom, who’s currently glaring at you with her arms crossed.

“Yeah, do we seriously need to?” Yuta echoes, standing beside you while looking equally annoyed.

Your mother huffs. “Yes, you do. It’s courtesy. I never said you needed to get her something good, you just need to get her something. Bath towels, maybe. Kitchenware. God knows.”

You groan. “What did you and dad get as wedding gifts when you got married?”

“Uh, lots of bedsheets. Towels. Kitchenware. Some very nice food. Mm… oh, those matching bracelets we wear.”

You look at Yuta. “Let’s get them towels. So they can wipe off their bitchiness.”

Yuta grins, ignoring your mom’s groan of exasperation. “Let’s do it.”

So there you are, walking around the mall with Yuta, earning many stares from girls, trying to find suitable bath towels.

“Why is everything so expensive?” you huff, trying to place another soft towel back on the rack. “And these are too soft for a bitch like her.”

Yuta scoffs. “People make these things for the top like, I don’t know, one percent.”

You are still attempting to place the towel back on the rack, but you’re too short.

Then, you feel a warm chest pressing against your back, and the towel is plucked from your hands and placed on its appropriate rack.

You will yourself to calm the heat in your cheeks.

“I want these towels for myself, not for her,” you whine, poking another fluffy piece of cloth, purposely turned away from the boy next to you.

Another voice speaks up. “Do you need help?”

Yuta speaks before you do. “Yeah. We’re looking for a wedding gift for her not-so-much-of-a-friend-” he jabs a thumb in your direction, “but because they’re not quite on good terms, do you have any scratchier towels than these fluffy things?”

The employee scratches his head. “Strange request. But I think I know what you want.”

He leads you way to the back and stops, waving a hand at the (thankfully) regular, scratchy towels that you always use. “Thanks so much!” you say, flashing him a smile.

“No problem,” he laughs. “I’ve been in your situation before, so I know how it feels.”

You make a face. “I feel so horrible for you.”

“And me, you.”

Yuta drops a towel on your head. “Yah, pay attention.”

The employee smirks as you shriek and threaten to strangle him with it. “You two make a cute couple, too.” He walks away, leaving you two open-mouthed.

Things are much more awkward as you select four cheap towels, pay, and get back to university.

~~~

“How the hell did she even get your address?” Yuta grouches a month later, watching you pore through fancy dresses and tuxes with boredom.

“Why are you asking me?” you grouch back, shoving yet another tuxedo at him. You turn and look at how many tuxedoes he has. Five.

“Great, now go try them on,” you say, shoving him into the changing room.

Yuta comes out wearing the first one, a grumpy expression on his face. “At least pretend to smile,” you implore. “You’re going to need to fake it at the wedding anyway, may as well practice now.”

He tilts the corners of his lips up the tiniest bit.

“That’s better. And this one looks weird. How does it fit though?” you ask, appraising him from top to bottom.

“Material’s alright. I just don’t like how it fits,” he says, plucking at the obviously too-tight shoulders.

“It’s too tight at the shoulders. Alright, try on the next one. I’ll put this back.”

The third one is alright and Yuta is surprisingly okay with it, and because he’ll probably throw a fit if you make him try on more, you let him just take it. He looks seriously handsome in it too, but you’re not about to tell him that. Just thinking about him in it makes your stomach flutter. Which is not a good thing.

“My turn!” Yuta sings, making a beeline for the dresses.

Your mouth drops.

“Oh my god, no,” you whisper.

He frowns. “Oh, come on. I’m not gonna be an ass today, I’ll actually pick ones I think you’d look good in. I’m a fashion minor, remember?”

“How could I not, you only remind me about ten times a day.”

“Alright, well, I guess you can try on this frilly orange thing-”

“I TAKE THAT BACK.”

Yuta finally selects about ten dresses and piles them in your arms, sending you to the changing rooms.

The first is elegant but not your color, according to Yuta. You don’t particularly like it either, so you make no protests and just change into the next one.

The next three just look gross.

The one after is very cute but not fitting for a wedding.

The sixth is rather pretty, and Yuta seems to like it as well. It’s beautiful, in a pale pink color, and hugs your body well enough and reaches midway down your thighs. You keep that one as a possibility but there are still two more.

The seventh is a monstrosity, but the last one is gorgeous. Navy blue soft material cascades around your body and stops at your knees, and flowing long sleeves cover your arms. Even though the pink was pretty, it doesn’t match this.

Yuta definitely agrees, by the way he stares when you open the changing room door.

“Definitely this one,” he says once you’ve poked his nose three times.

At the counter, you two pay, then walk off to the café to bitch some more about the wedding and backstabbing best friends. You try (TRY) not to think about the way he stared when you came out wearing that navy dress. Or the way he looked when he came out in that tuxedo.

Unbeknownst to you, he can’t stop thinking of the way you looked in that dress. Or the way you stared when he came out wearing that tuxedo.

Which is why you sputter and spit out your coffee when Jaehyun, your barista friend, comes over and states that you two look a lot like a couple right now.

Yuta, face red, threatens to punch him in the face.

You two can’t look each other in the eye for the rest of the day.

~~~

You, July 19, 2:30 pm

boi wher are you

where is the friend you spoke of who was gonna do my makeup today

Yutata, July 19, 2:31 pm

we’re comING

CALM YOURSELF

You, July 19, 2:32 pm

I’m waiting

Just as you send that message, an unfamiliar car pulls up, and a window rolls down, revealing Yuta in the passenger’s seat.

“Hi. My friend Takada Kenta is gonna do your makeup and hair.”

The driver’s seat window opens to reveal a cheery-faced boy who waves at you.

You wave back hesitantly, slipping into the backseat.

There’s some small talk and a lot of silence in the car. You’re way too nervous about what’s about to happen to say anything, and Yuta just seems really tired.

Well, he usually never gets up before like, three.

Whatever. Takada Kenta is a god with makeup. He has you looking flawless in just an hour, when it would’ve taken you maybe three to do half of what he did. And it wouldn’t be nearly as good.

“Jesus Christ Takada, you’re a god,” you breathe as you gaze at your reflection in the mirror. He grins. “Thank you!”

You change into your new dress, pair it with low-heeled silver shoes, and then you’re greeted by Yuta who looks even more dashing than when he first tried it on. You really can’t stop staring.

Then you notice him staring at you. Suddenly, you feel self-conscious.

“Do I look alright?” you ask nervously.

Yuta shakes his head as though clearing his mind. “More than alright,” he says in an uncharacteristically sweet tone. “Thanks, Takada.”

The other Japanese boy laughs. “No problem. Now go and outshine the married couple, alright? I expect pictures of you two! You look so cute together.”

After Yuta threatens to break Takada’s nose in, you drive off to the venue.

~~~

The venue is very beautiful. You vaguely wonder how either of them scraped up enough money for this expensive place.

Then again, your ex’s parents were rich. That was probably how.

Yuta keeps you close as though sensing your apprehension, something you are thankful for. You notice and wave at a couple of people you know from high school, but interactions don’t go far beyond that.

Then you’re assaulted from the back by the bride-to-be.

“Oh my gosh, hi Suzumi! It’s been SO long! I’m so glad you decided to come!”

I’m glad it’s been a long time, and I was forced into this decision.

“Hi,” you say flatly, gently pushing her off. “Congratulations on getting married.”

Yukari is actually very pretty. She isn’t currently in her wedding gown, but her light blue dress is floaty and cute and hugs her in all the right places, showing off her toned body.

You wonder if she’s been keeping up with the exercise regimen she started in high school and forced you into as well.

You’ve kept to it. More or less. (More like less.)

“You look really nice,” you comment, trying to show at least a little emotion that isn’t bitterness or annoyance. Yuta is a constant presence behind you, and you take a little comfort in that.

“Thank you so much! You look gorgeous too. I can’t wait for you to see my wedding gown, it’s the most beautiful thing. Oh, who’s this?”

She’s finally noticed Yuta.

He plasters a sort-of smile onto his face, sticking out a hand. “I’m Yuta. Yuta Nakamoto.”

She takes it, giggling. “Are you two dating now?”

You open your mouth to say no, but Yuta beats you. “Yeah.”

You kind of want to keel over in surprise right then and there, but you force yourself to keep standing.

Yukari looks slightly surprised but doesn’t comment much, just saying, “Congratulations on getting a boyfriend, Suzumi!”

What the fucking hell is that supposed to mean?

After several more excruciating minutes of pain, Yukari is whisked away so that she can get all dolled up for her walk down the aisle.

“I’m not gonna make it through this,” you whisper through clenched teeth to Yuta as he leads you over to an open bench.

“Yeah you are. Just remember that you’re so much better than them, alright?” Yuta tucks a lock of hair behind your shoulder. “And sorry for saying I was your boyfriend. I’m pretty sure she would’ve judged you more had you said I was a friend.”

You lean into Yuta’s shoulder. “Nah, it’s fine. You’re right, she would’ve.”

The two of you stay in that position for a couple hours, talking about inane things like school and people you hate, and then the groom himself comes in.

Yuta feels you stiffen, and his gaze follows yours to the man that’s smiling broadly and talking to another young man, probably his friend.

“That’s your ex?” he whispers. You nod.

Yuta whistles. “Damn, he’s good-looking.” You shoot him a withering look.

As though it’s fate, your ex looks at you and starts walking over.

You sigh. Better to get the confrontation done now rather than later.

“Hi, Suzumi,” he says, putting out a hand. You look at it for a moment, then shake it twice and let go quickly. “Hi, Jiyoon.”

“Have you been doing well?” he asks, the faintest trace of a smirk on his lips.

“Yeah. You?”

“Very well, thank you. Who’s this man with you? Your boyfriend?” That stupid smirk grows wider.

Yuta steps a little closer to you. “Yes.”

A flicker of surprise passes through Jiyoon’s eyes but he doesn’t react much more than that. “Cool. So, what’re you doing now? Still in school?” he asks, directing the question at you.

You nod. “Yes. I’m currently on a full-ride scholarship at SNU, double-majoring in chemistry and computer science. My, uh, boyfriend majors in dance and minors in fashion. Have you taken over the family business yet?”

“No, but I will in a few years.” The other man from earlier walks up to your ex, whispering something in his ear. “Ah, I’ve got to go now. Get dressed up for the wedding, you know. I’ll catch up with you later, Suzumi.” With that, he walks away.

“Hopefully not,” you mutter, incensed. “Douchebag.”

Yuta nods in agreement. “Suddenly I wish we hadn’t spent anything on those dumb towels, as horrible as they are,” he says, looking with distaste at the pile of wedding gifts.

“I can’t wait to go home,” you mumble.

“Just a few more hours, Suzumi. And remember: free food.”

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one saying that to you?”

~~~

Yukari looks irritatingly gorgeous in her white gown as she walks down the aisle. Jiyoon looks irritatingly handsome as he waits for her at the end.

You force yourself to watch the whole debacle- reciting their vows, staring at each other dopily, saying ‘I do,’ and finally kissing, though it kind of makes you want to retch.

Yuta’s hand finds yours and he squeezes tight, as though to remind you he’s there. You squeeze back, hopefully sending the message that you’re okay.

You’re pretty sure that the two of you are the only ones not really moved by the whole spectacle.

Finally, the whole dumb ceremony is over, and it’s time for food, wine, and dancing. Both you and Yuta opt out of the wine because neither of you really drink all too much and you have to drive back to university, but the food is divine.

“I love food,” you mumble through a mouthful of shrimp. Yuta grumbles something around his rice.

Someone plops right next to you, startling you and nearly making you choke.

“Suzumi! We should really catch up,” the annoying voice of your former friend right in your ear. You give her a sidelong glance as you swallow. She’s changed out of her long wedding dress into a creamy silk dress that drops halfway down her thighs.

As annoyingly gorgeous as always.

“… Sure.”

“What’ve you been doing lately? Jiyoon told me you’re still in school studying what was it… programming and physics?”

“Computer programming and chemistry,” you correct, sipping at your water. Yukari notices this and pouts. “How come you aren’t drinking? You’re no fun.”

“I have to go home sober. I have an internship tomorrow and can’t afford to turn up with a hangover,” you explain, curling a hand around your glass protectively. Yukari humphs a little and takes a drink of her own red wine. “Suit yourself!”

“I will,” you say blandly.

To your right, Yuta seems engaged in unpleasant conversation with Jiyoon.

Yukari eyes your half full plate of food with apprehension. “You’re going to eat all that?” she asks, a note of incredulity in her voice.

You invited ME here, and now you’re criticizing me? Do you not have manners?

“Yes.”

“Wow. You have as big of an appetite as you had in high school. You know, that was why I forced you into exercising with me. It’s not good to be a sack of fat.”

Your faked smile drops from your face. “Okay.”

“So what are you doing now to stay fit? You look pretty good, if I do say so myself.”

“Running from campus to campus and walking to and from all my internships and jobs does wonders.”

“Jesus Christ, Suzumi, what are you doing with your life? You’re such a workaholic. I could never be like you.” Yukari shakes her head in disbelief.

“And I, you,” you respond. “Anyway, what are you doing now? Do you have a job or are you going to be a stay-at-home wife?”

Yukari giggles. “I do have a part-time job as a barista but Jiyoon says that once he takes over his dad’s business, I won’t have to work anymore. I can stay at home and take care of our children then. When are you planning to get married?”

You’re starting to get even more annoyed.

“Whenever the time comes,” you say vaguely, glancing over at Yuta to see if he’s still engaged in conversation with Jiyoon.

Unfortunately, Yukari takes this the wrong way. “Oh, you want to marry him?” she half-squeals. You have an urge to slap a hand over her mouth.

“We’re just boyfriend-girlfriend right now, Yukari. I’m not ready for marriage,” you say exasperatedly.

We’re not even actually dating.

Yukari doesn’t seem to hear, though.

“Are you sure you want to marry him, though? Couldn’t you do better? Isn’t he in dance and fashion? That doesn’t pay much,” she says in a stage whisper.

Scratch the urge to slap a hand over her mouth. You want to slap her face.

Your nonplussed expression does nothing to deter her. She goes into a torrent of more questions, questioning Yuta’s ability to take care of you and how you two will live.

When she stops, all you say in return is, “Okay.”

She frowns. “Did you even hear all that I just said?”

You take a deep breath, trying to hide your growing anger. “That is my boyfriend you are talking about, Yukari. Where did your social skills go? You were always the popular one back in high school, so I assumed you were better acquainted with social norms than I was. But really? Insulting my boyfriend to my face? Why would you do such a thing? Come to think about it, why would you invite me to your wedding if you were just going to insult me? First my body, indirectly calling me a sack of fat, and now my boyfriend? And for the record, I am going to have a stable job. With multiple degrees, I have a better chance of landing a successful job than you do. If he can’t provide for me, I can provide for him.”

Yukari stares at you without a word. Then she stands and hurries away to her original table.

“Why’d Yukari leave so suddenly?” Jiyoon asks, nearly making you spill your water from surprise. You turn to him. “You ask her.”

“What did you say to my wife?” he asks, voice lower.

“Oh, she just indirectly called me a sack of fat and then insulted my boyfriend, questioning his ability to take care of me. So I asked her what she was doing by insulting my boyfriend and why she even invited me to this wedding in the first place if all she wanted to do was insult me. And then she left.”

Jiyoon looks taken aback. “I’m sure she didn’t say that. Are you twisting her words?”

You laugh without mirth. “Jiyoon, in the three years we dated, did I ever lie to you? Do you think I would now?”

The word “dated” seems to strike a nerve in Jiyoon, and he abruptly gets up to follow his wife.

Yuta takes a long drink of water. “What an annoying guy. Did she actually insult your weight?”

“Kind of? She asked if I was going to eat all the food on my plate, then said I had as big an appetite as I did in high school, then said that was why she made me exercise with her because, quote unquote, ‘It’s not good to be a sack of fat.’” You roll your eyes, shoving rice into your mouth.

Yuta snorts. “And what did she say about me?”

“Remember how I told Jiyoon you were a dance major and fashion minor? He told Yukari and apparently she doesn’t think those jobs are suitable for a husband because they can’t provide for the wife. I’d already told her that I wasn’t planning on getting married anytime soon but I lost it and told her that I was going to have multiple degrees that would let me get a job much more easily than her and if you couldn’t provide for me then I’d provide for you.”

Yuta raises his eyebrows. “Wow.”

“I know, right?”

~~~

Finally all the dancing and shit is over and after the bride tosses her bouquet to the single women, you can leave.

You stand as far away from Yukari as possible, which isn’t hard, considering the mass of single women who want to get married as soon as possible.

Yukari tosses her bouquet, and they all go nuts.

Some overzealous twenty-something year old knocks you over, and you are sent sprawling onto the ground. Someone steps on your hair and you yell.

Then something lands on your face. It’s prickly and smells nice.

You grouchily snatch it off, managing to prop yourself up. You shoot a withering glare at the woman who stepped on your hair. Then you look at the thing you’re holding.

What the fuck.

It’s the bouquet.

Yuta comes running over. “Jesus, Suzumi, what happened? Are you alright?” he asks worriedly, helping you up. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got half-trampled, that’s it,” you mutter. “I got the bouquet,” you add as an afterthought.

“No kidding,” Yuta says drily.

“Oh my gosh, Suzumi are you okay? I saw you fall over! Oh my god, you got the bouquet?! Ah! You’re going to get married soon! I’m so excited for you!!”

You groan internally. “Thanks, Yukari,” you mutter.

Jiyoon comes up, putting an arm around his wife. “I hope you’re alright, Suzumi.”

“I am,” you say.

Yuta simply glares at the two of them. “We’ll be going now. Maybe we’ll see you another time,” he says, leading you away.

“Wait!” Jiyoon says, taking a hasty step forward. “Suzumi, can I talk to you in private?”

Warily, you nod your head. “I’ll be back,” you tell Yuta. Then you follow Jiyoon to a small empty area.

“Look, Suzumi,” he says, taking a breath, “are you sure you want that Yuta guy as your boyfriend? Like Yukari says, he’s in dance and fashion. You could do so much better.”

You scoff. “Are you suggesting I date someone else?”

“Yeah. I’m worried about your future-”

“Funny, that didn’t seem to be the case when you cheated on me with Yukari,” you snap, eyes blazing. “What the fuck are you trying to do, Jiyoon? We’re not together anymore. You are MARRIED. You invited me to your fucking wedding, and now you want to criticize me? Where are your fucking manners?”

“Suzumi, please calm down-”

“Calm down? Calm down?! This is the second time my boyfriend has been insulted by either of you two! Yuta is a good guy, very much unlike you. He’s passionate and he’s good at what he does. And even if he doesn’t make it big, I can provide. I didn’t tell you this, but I already have a job secured for me after university. I didn’t tell you this either, but Yuta has one too- working with one of the biggest entertainment companies in Korea. I don’t need any of your shitty ‘concern,’ we will be just fine. Have a nice fucking day.” Then you whip around and storm back to an annoyed-looking Yuta.

“Bye, Yukari,” you say in a clipped tone, then stalk out the venue, holding Yuta’s hand.

~~~

“Wanna talk?” Yuta asks in the car. You sigh. “He just insulted you again and spouted some bullshit about still caring about me. I let it slip that both of us have jobs waiting for us after we get out of uni because he got me so mad, and I told him to have a nice day and left.”

“What a bitch,” Yuta mutters, his hand on the steering wheel.

You look down at the bouquet that’s still in your hands. “I hate them. I never want to see them again.”

“Well, maybe they did one good thing for us.”

You look at him confusedly. “What?”

“Well, for one thing, I realized how much I like you.”

“Holy shit, what?!”

You should really learn to hold your tongue.

“Do you want me to repeat that to you again?”

“Uh- um-”

“I like you, Suzumi, and I’m not saying it again until you can form a proper response.” Even in the dark, you can see the hint of pink on Yuta’s cheeks.

“Um, I uh, I like you too, Yuta,” you say dumbly.

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yuta Nakamoto, do you want me to take back my confession?!”

“NO.”

“Then shut up and drive.”

“Okay, Suzumi.”

There’s a few minutes of silence.

Then, “Hey, because you caught the bouquet, does that mean we can get married soon?”

“I regret everything I’ve said in the past five minutes.”

[marvelmando]

jealous {p.p. x reader}

summary: you’re totally not jealous when your best friend, peter parker, begins to ditch you to tutor betty brant.

based on:

83. “Can I kiss you?”

80. “Are you jealous?”

40. “Would you just shut up and listen to me for two goddamn seconds?!”

from this prompt list.

requested by: @cabinetxbattles :)

You were not jealous.

You couldn’t have been, you thought it to be literally impossible.

But yet, here you were, completely pissed off at the idea of Peter Parker having a better time with Betty Brant than he’d have with you.

You tried to tell yourself (and Michelle) that you were merely mad at him for ditching you (yet again), but left out the fact that you caught Peter in an empty classroom, sitting very close to that blonde witch. But Michelle wasn’t listening. And neither was Ned, apparently, because the two ambushed you at your favorite cafe after school one day, where you sat waiting for a boy who was never going to show up.

“Parker’s a flake, Y/N, you should’ve learned this by now.” Michelle was the first to speak, as she slid into the seat across from you in the booth. Ned shuffled in beside her.

You sighed heavily, stirring your milkshake. “He’s not a flake, M.” You said despondently. “He just likes Betty Brant more, I guess.”

Ned furrowed his eyebrows. “He told me he had the internship to do?” Although you and Michelle learned his secret months ago, you always used the ‘internship’ as code for ‘Spider-Duties’ (at least that’s what Ned liked to call them.

You chuckled. “So that’s what he told you, too?” You took a sip. “Guess he’s back on the secretive bullshit train.”

“Toot-toot.” Michelle mimicked sympathetically. At least you had her.

“Wait, but why would he lie about something like that? I mean, practically everyone knows that he like—“ Ned started, but Michelle cut him off with a jab to the side. He yelped. 

“What?” You asked, growing irritated. Now they were keeping stuff from you, too? “Ned, what?”

“He can’t tell you.” MJ answered for him. “Peter made us promise.”

You huffed, subsequently blowing a chunk of hair away from your face. “Great.” You rose quickly, slapping a five dollar bill on the table. “Just fucking great. See you assholes later, or whenever you’re ready to not be shitty friends.”

You heaved your backpack over your shoulder, and stormed out of the cafe. The wind bit your skin and nipped at your nose as you made your way down the sidewalk, towards Peter’s house. You figured you’d had enough. Two weeks of continuous cancellations and last-minute rain checks had you fed up, and you wanted answers.

Luckily, Peter’s apartment complex was only a few blocks over. You made your way, mentally preparing yourself for the foreseen argument you were about to have.

You took the elevator to the seventh floor, and reached their door. After almost six years of knowing Peter, you didn’t bother to knock. You swung the door open, to find a disheveled May Parker in the kitchen, the apartment thick with gray smoke. She swung a cloth around, coughing as she attempted to clear the air.

“Hey, May.” You said, still mad, even after seeing your (as of that moment) favorite Parker.

“Oh, hey, Y/N!” May coughed. “Peter’s out doing his thing, you can go ahead and wait in his room, if you want!”

You stomped to his room. So he’d told the same garbage excuse to his aunt too? You were fuming, pacing around the room as you waited for your best friend to show up.

It was about half an hour before you heard a door open and close, and a familiar voice call out, “May, I’m home!” You stopped right in front of his bunk bed, crossing your arms as you tried to make yourself seem as intimidating as possible.

As his figure came into view, he furrowed his eyebrows at you, startled and confused. “Y/N? What are you doing here?” He set his backpack down, closing the door behind him. “I was just out doing Spider-Man stuff—”

“Cut the shit, Parker.” You deadpanned. “I saw you with Betty. So you can quit the lying.”

Peter sighed, dragging a hand down his face as he slumped into the seat at his desk. 

“Why the fuck are you hiding stuff again, Pete?!” You threw your hands up in anger. Peter said nothing. “I mean, telling everyone that you’re doing Spider-Man stuff when you’re off with Betty Brant? God! And then! Having my only other friends keep secrets from me too?! Do you know how shitty that makes me feel, Pete?” You ran your fingers through your hair roughly.

Peter looked up when you mentioned Ned and Michelle, looking as if he’d seen a ghost. “Sec—Secrets? What secrets?” He gulped.

You huffed, growing increasingly frustrated as he chose to be nonchalant. “I don’t know! Something about that you like something?” You rolled your eyes. “Or someone, probably Betty fucking Brant.” You could feel the energy in you diffuse, but it spiked again when Peter started to smirk.

“Are... Are you jealous?” He laughed. You screamed, clutching your hair.

“Fine!” You yelled. “Fine, I’m jealous because you chose to ditch me and lie to everyone about where you were, just to go suck faces with Betty fucking Brant!” You panted, getting even more annoyed at Peter’s confused expression.

“Sucking faces? Y/N—”

You ignored his interjection. “And why her, Peter? Why now?”

“I don’t—”

“And at school, too? Really?!”

“I’m not—!”

“I mean, I know that I—”

“Would you just shut up and listen to me for two goddamn seconds?!” Peter shouted, shooting out of his chair and looming over you. This shocked you into silence. You’d never seen Peter this furious and exasperated, at least not since his uncle had passed. To be honest, you would’ve been more scared of the height difference and his anger, if it weren’t for the fact that you’d become distracted by the way his biceps strained against his t-shirt as he reached up to run a frustrated hand through his hair.

“I’m not with Betty Brant, I’m tutoring her!” He yelled at you, and you instantly felt bad. Mostly because of the strange hint of disappointment mixed with desperation swimming in his expression. He sighed, calming himself down. “She didn’t want anyone to know that she needed tutoring in Calculus, so she asked me not to tell anyone.”

This made sense, but a few other stuff didn’t. “Why lie to May, then?”

He shrugged. “In case any of you asked where I was. I love May, but she’s a horrible liar.”

You grumbled. “And I wondered who you got it from.”

Peter laughed loudly, making you momentarily forget about what had bothered you the most. You quickly remembered, though. “And what’s this about you making Ned and Michelle keep secrets from me?”

The smile fell from Peter’s face, and he suddenly began to fidget. “I, um, I just... I don’t know how...”

Peter fumbled with his words, shuffling on his feet awkwardly. You weren’t entirely sure what motivated you to take a step towards him and gently grab his arm, but you knew it was done subconsciously, as if there was a force between the two of you, drawing each other closer and closer until there was barely space for even a single strand of hair.

Peter’s mouth snapped shut, as he connected eyes with you. You figured you somewhat already knew what he was trying to say, but couldn’t find the words. 

That’s what a lot of this felt like with Peter; strong and powerful and insatiable enough to where it could only be expressed in gentle touches and soft strokes, not with words or phrases. You knew this when you saw it in his eyes: the love, the desire, the longing, for something unspoken and yet mutually assured between the two of you, and this feeling settled heavy in the air like a blanket.

Your noses were barely an inch apart when you broke the silence. “Can I kiss you?” You asked him softly, and he instead of saying anything, he nodded so slightly that, if not for your proximity, you wouldn’t have noticed it. One hand lifted to cup his cheek as you leaned in, until you felt galaxies collide.