#(Yes I do understand the point in the abstract that gay male love of men is seen as something real in a way straight women isn't but...

[vamptoll]

I'm not offended or anything but there's something very odd about taking Andrea Long Chu's Quote "The problem with the transsexual is that she’s always been too much of a woman. It’s hard to make something as politically dowdy as a woman into a cover girl for that trendy new metaphysics you’re hawking", cutting out the sentence with transsexual, and following it up "a woman who desires men is dowdy times two", as if straight women have never in the world been cover girls for metaphysics???

[bullshit-tqia]

Male/female doesn't account for abusive behavior displayed by cis women including the high rates of domestic violence within the lesbian community. Cis women have been very violent and aggressive towards me. I remember a couple cis women tried to hit me for wearing makeup as a man (yes I'm a trans guy). I've tutored plenty of kids where the girls were more aggressive and confrontational than the boys.

I'm starting to think all of this is American bullshit. I've seen MUCH less infighting and radfem bs from the Hispanic trans community. At this point the difference between the Hispanic and American communities is like the difference between magical realism and absurdism. The male/female socialisation, the radfeminism, the baeddelism, the transandrophobia, etc. is so absurd because it's coming from people who view gender as being absurd as opposed to an abstract concept that influences our lives in the form of how we express our identity and how we relate to others.

You’re citing a flawed study, the belief that lesbian relationships are more likely to be abusive is a massive assumption. The statistic is simply whether someone has experienced domestic violence, but not whether if that violent relationship was a lesbian relationship or not. In reality the levels of abuse is congruent with the amount of abuse in heterosexual relationships. The idea that lesbian relationships are “more likely to be abusive” is right wing propaganda that you believed.

Anecdotes are anecdotes. You can’t seriously act like a few examples counteract studies that interview thousands of people and follow them throughout multiple years. That’s silly, and to a certain degree, arrogant.

It largely is “an American problem,” but you don’t understand how it is. In the US you’re going to have more liberal views on trans people and the country is more individualist in nature. This is the same in other western countries, where they’ve had an explosion in the amount of people identifying as trans.

Sure, you can say “well, left-handedness also grew exponentially,” but the fact of the matter is that well…being trans was solely seen as a medical condition for the longest time. A condition will drive someone to seek help for that condition. If being left-handed was seen as a condition, we would also see similar patterns before and after greater societal acceptance because it is a condition that occurs naturally.

And what’s even more ridiculous is that in some studies, around 9% of teens identify as transgender—which is higher than the rate of people who identify as gay! To assume that somehow being transgender is more common than being gay or intersex is so unfounded historically, you have to ask what other things could be causing this increase? At some point, it can be a social contagion—which is why it affects AFAB people so much more, because the patriarchy makes women very, very insecure.

As I put in my last post, the childhoods of transgender men, cishet women, and lesbians are very similar and are not distinct. Meaning that the lived experiences of transgender men aren’t that different from cishet women. If this is the case, a transgender man describing his life will be very relatable to cis women, leading them to believe that perhaps they are trans too. “How else can we feel such similar levels of humiliation about being feminine?”

I realized this when talking to my mother about being trans, as she told me the story of her second wedding, which she did only for my sister and I to have an example of “what love should be.” She HATED her wedding, she hated wearing the dress, she felt humiliated that everyone was looking at her, she wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. She didn’t want to be caked up in makeup, she didn’t want her feet to hurt while wearing heels…she didn’t want to do any of the performance at all. It would be hard to say that somehow me and my mother are so completely different in how we feel. And science says we’re not.

The fact of the matter is…there is no difference between “non-binary” and gender non-conforming. Yet one identifies as trans and the other doesn’t. Although the fact that the majority of non-binary people transition (the requirement for being trans) and that all human beings on this planet are called by “they” pronouns once in awhile and that none of us 100% align with the ideal of what being a man or woman is. All of us differ from our culture’s understanding of being a man or woman, none of us are perfectly binary in personality or with our physical bodies. All of us are non-binary. To say you’re non-binary is to say that the gender binary actually exists…but it doesn’t. Gender is not the sexes. And even with the sexes there can be some variance between the two most common sexes. It really isn’t representative of reality at all to say that there is a gender binary. The idea of the binary differs from person to person.

My father, for example, thinks white cars are very feminine. This is not a societal trend. Many men drive white cars. It is just my father who sees them as driving a “car for girls” if they drive a white car. My father’s opinion on what makes something feminine or masculine has no impact on greater society. It’s just him who thinks that.

And like with what many trans people say, pronouns ≠ gender. But that logic should be applied to non-binary people as well. Sure, they use they/them pronouns…but pronouns don’t equal gender. Just because you use third person pronouns doesn’t mean you’re non-binary or trans. It’s crazy how inconsistent people are logically. If you don’t plan to transition or you are not transitioning, you are not trans. You are gender nonconforming at the most. You are cisgender.

In other cultures, like the Hispanic community, you’re going to have lower rates of people identifying as trans because transness still retains the idea of it being a condition, not an identity.

“As I suggested previously, the observed relationship between IDV and %NHS probably reflects the combined operation of at least two distinct factors. First, non-homosexual persons probably constitute larger apparent percentages of MtF transsexuals [lesbian trans women] and gender gender dysphoric persons in more individualist societies because these societies place a higher value on individual self-expression (including cross-gender expression), despite the possible socially disruptive consequences of gender transition in men who are typically middle-aged, are often married, and have usually pursued traditionally masculine occupations. Second, homosexual persons probably constitute larger apparent percentages of MtF transsexuals [heterosexual trans women] and gender dysphoric persons in less individualistic (or collectivistic) societies because these societies place a higher value on inclusion and often provide socially approved transgender roles for pervasively feminine, androphilic gender dysphoric men.”

Anne Lawerence, 2010

Per scientific study…a lot of our community are simply cross dressers or gender nonconforming people…

This is why in more collectivist cultures, you aren’t going to find these arguments, because they focus more on social cohesion rather than individualistic expression. High rates of individualism in certain societies cause people to put their own experiences before others, making them less willing to “compromise” with greater society. That’s how we have these arguments, there are so many conflicting experiences and ideas that are held equally as important.

But this idea that “nothing can really be true” and “everything contradicts” is in of itself not true. Logical reasoning and scientific predictability is the truth. Scientists scan statistical responses and make sure you’re not being dishonest and account for the fact that your own interpretation of yourself may be wrong. Which in of itself is a very scary thought to many trans people, who are wholly convinced in their identity.

But this is something that I’ve at least recognized in myself since I was very young and just starting to explore my identity, that I may be wrong about me being trans, and that I shouldn’t bury the doubts I have in my identity and rather I should explore those doubts to make sure I’m making the right decision. I often go back and meditate on this thought and I sift through all the jumbled justifications for my transitioning and try to see just how my body feels in response to the idea of detransitioning. I clench up, I feel discontent, my stomach flips, I detest it. Then I think about continuing my transition and I feel okay. No stomach flipping, I’m relaxed and content.

I never bury my doubts or try to justify my lack of thinking with “well, only someone who really is trans would have these doubts,” because it’s not impossible that someone who isn’t trans would doubt whether they should transition. How do you think we get detransitioners? They began their own journey by doubting what they were doing. It is very possible you are lying to yourself…that you aren’t thinking, that you have never been sure…and if this thought scares you, it should. Because you should be 100% sure whether you actually want to go down this path or not.

Here’s a good segment from an article by Kay Brown, a transgender researcher focused on the science of being trans:

“Question: Are gender identity trajectories and changes in youth-reported gender identity associated with depressive symptoms over time?

Findings: In this cohort study involving 366 sexual and/or gender minority youths (aged 15-21 years), 1 in 5 (18.2%) reported a different gender identity over time. Youths transitioning to a transgender or gender diverse identity reported higher levels of depressive symptoms at baseline; depressive symptoms disparities were explained by exposure to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender violence, but frequency of gender identity variability was not associated with the level or changes in depressive symptoms.

Meaning: In this study, changes in gender identity were not associated with depressive symptoms, suggesting that gender identity exploration is a normal part of adolescent development for some youths.

Note the deliberate conflation of ‘transgender’ and ‘gender diverse.’

Let’s examine the paper and its data. While having data is always good in some respects, the conflation of gender dysphoric subjects with non-gender-dysphoric ones limits the utility. Further, the lack of important data makes interpretation and fitting it together with previous studies difficult, reducing its utility to the general study of gender dysphoria. Missing from the data are the subjects sexual orientation and if they have actually socially transitioned in any real sense. (After all, suggesting that one is ‘detrans’ would require that they had in fact ‘transitioned’) In Table 1. they list a number of data.

The subjects are grouped into four categories, ‘cis’ (non-trans), always trans/gender diverse (TGD), became TGD, and stopped being TGD (‘desist’/‘detrans’). Looking at the data, knowing that they have conflated gender dysphoric subjects with non-gender dysphoric (transtrenders/non-binary) subjects, can we still gain any data beyond the authors well meaning, but harmful hypothesis? Interestingly, yes, a little, from the text of the paper,

‘While 20 of 32 participants (62.5%) in the TGD group reported hormone use, only 6 of 28 participants (21.4%) in the cisgender to TGD group, and 1 of 32 participants (3.1%) in the TGD to cisgender group had used hormones. Use of puberty blockers was reported by 12 of the 92 participants who identified as noncisgender (ie, binary transgender or genderqueer and nonbinary) during the study; the majority were from the TGD group.’

Diving a bit deeper into a break out of the groups into ‘cis,’ ‘binary trans,’ and non-binary in this graph, we can get a better picture of what is going on.

“Thus, we can see that the three groups may in fact be somewhat correlated with more generally understood and recognized groups, specifically, the TGD group looks to be mostly HSTS/Early-Onset, the ‘cis to TGD’ is likely adolescent onset AGP/AAP mixed with a growing number of “non-binary” TransTrenders, while the TGD to cis group is likely TransTrenders/Tucutes vacilating in their self-declared identies to become ‘desist’/‘detrans.’ Note that the TGD-to-cis group was roughly twice as many female subjects as male, very much in keeping with earlier documentation that “non-binary”, etc. is primarily a female phenomena. The other two groups are roughly equally male and female. Note that the ‘binary transgender’ in the TGD category is stable and the same percentage as the number that is on HRT. From this, we can deduce that the majority of those who are transitioning and obtaining puberty blockers and HRT as teens are HSTS and not AGP/AAP.

While I can’t fault the authors intentions of showing that transsexuals are not mentally ill. I do castigate them for failing to differentiate actual gender dysphoric teens from the social hangers on, the LARPers, who pretend to be. Instruments that fail to explore and use the actual DSM-V criteria are actively harming transsexuals, giving the false impression that teens with gender dysphoria will desist/detrans with time.

No they won’t.”

Kay Brown, “Well Meaning Researchers Are Hurting Hurting Transsexual Medical Access”

Gonzales Real A, Lobato MIR, Russell ST. Trajectories of Gender Identity and Depressive Symptoms in Youths. JAMA Netw Open. 2024;7(5):e2411322. doi:10.1001jamanetworkopen.2024.11322

[cipheramnesia]

It's not masculinity that is privileged. It's manhood. I am privileged. It doesn't matter that I'm trans. But it's not my masculinity that makes me privileged. How did we go backwards and decide man = masc and that MRA talking points are suddenly valid?

I dunno, you kinda just swapped around words so you can say that talking about privilege, hierarchy, and oppression as complex and nuanced and intersectional is "MRA talking points," coz that's easier.

And I guess you're either saying manhood is a separate privileged category from masculinity so we aren't talking about the same thing anyway but then wait no for some reason they are the same thing, but there's an abstract "manhood" which exists as a privilege separate from race or class or whatever?

So like there's something called manhood which exists as a universal abstract concept which not only exists identically across all cultures but it's treated the same by all cultures, like there's no difference whatsoever if you pull a cisgender heterosexual Japanese man from Tokyo and drop him into like uh Brandywine, West Virginia, that guy is gonna get fully the same treatment as Tokyo yeah? Because his manhood is universally transferable? And like then I dunno, a gay black trans man living in like, New York City or something and drop him into Dallas County, Alabama, again thanks to the universality of manhood privilege that dude will live the exact same life yes? Absolutely will not be affected by some other factors?

Which like okay the thing is patriarchal oppression is something that will favor or oppress both of those guys but not in a vacuum. Patriarchal privilege says the black guy is a danger and should be controlled by a white guy, it says the Japanese guy has to be subservient and weak compared to the guy from West Virginia. So, you know, the gay black trans guy maybe if he's lucky and no one ever clocks him and he's not effeminate and is good at code switching and knows how to minimize getting harassed by the police for his race and stuff like that, at a point the patriarchal hierarchy will grant him a higher privilege than some, but not all, women, yes. And forgive my cultural ignorance but I'm 100% sure back in Tokyo the same guys making shitty Asian jokes in WV look absurd and the Japanese dude has a higher place in the hierarchy in Tokyo than Japanese woman in the same circumstances but again only as long as he's conceding to the dominant idea the hierarchy imposes about manliness y'know?

Or hey, uh, not to be me, but I'm a fairly pretty white trans woman and so the patriarchy doesn't precisely love me, but I'm less likely to be shot by a cop than any black person, including a guy. His manhood isn't a privilege there, and I don't have some super secret male privilege, it's just historically in the USA there's like, y'know, this whole long and very nasty history of the power white women have abused black men with. I mean, it's a thing and it still very much exists, so just wanna point out this very obvious long running and very well documented example of how manhood is not a privilege separate from other factors like race.

Like there is patriarchal oppression but I'm struggling here to understand how manhood alone exists as a sole determining factor of being granted patriarchal privilege or being oppressed by it. Not because manhood doesn't do that, but because you can't just lay out patriarchy in a vacuum divorced from all other systems of oppression.

So like, yeah, you can access male privilege as a trans man, yeah, but only so long as you also submit yourself to patriarchal oppression, only so long as you allow yourself to be caged by it.

I guess it turns out that privilege and oppression is kinda complicated and just like saying that if we talk about manhood or masculinity or whatever you wanna call it in any complex way, if you just say that's MRA talking points it feels super oversimplified to me? Or just being like "manhood = privilege" like okay but also it's still complicated? Like it doesn't always? I don't know, maybe I'm just way too old and know way too many different people and hear about way too many different experiences because of being so fuckin old I guess but I just can't see the nuance in reducing the entirety of wealth and class and race and religion and etc to "manhood gives me privilege."

Anyway how's your night going? Cool?

[dustyard]

A Guide to Dæmons, Sexuality, and Gender

Let’s first get this out of the way: being gay does not automatically mean your dæmon is the same sex as you. Are we good? All on the same page? Lovely. The whole idea behind gay people having a same-sex dæmon came from a singular character who was implied to be gay in the books, who also had a same-sex dæmon, and as far as I’m aware, Pullman has neither confirmed nor denied any theories regarding sexuality and dæmons. Even if he has, there are times when disagreeing with an author about their work is absolutely acceptable, and this would be one.

When examining dæmon genders in regards to human sexuality, I think it’s important to look at why dæmons come out a certain gender. I’ve seen a lot of theories floating around, one of the most popular ones (that I’ve seen, maybe it’s changed though) having to do with balance. For example, a masculine person needing a feminine dæmon to even them out. I wholeheartedly reject this idea, in part because it’s a bit derogatory, as it implies that gay men are feminine and gay women are masculine, therefore needing a dæmon of the same sex to even them out. I personally believe that when it comes to figuring out the gender of your dæmon, you should remove sexuality entirely.

When trying to decide what gender fits best, the consideration I think needs to be whether you’re more drawn to masculine or feminine energy (or other, but I’ll get back to that in a bit). Now, this doesn’t mean whether you’re attracted romantically/sexually to masculine or feminine people. It also doesn’t mean how you personally prefer to present. For example, I am female. I enjoy being feminine, acting feminine, and exuding feminine energy. However, I feel a strong connection to masculine energies, which is why I feel my dæmon is male. I like observing masculinity, hearing from the male perspective, and I also appreciate masculinity in part because I am not masculine. I appreciate the contrast to myself. For some people, they might feel very drawn to feminine energies, but again, this is not sexual or romantic. You could be a straight woman with a female dæmon because you simply prefer female energy, not because you dislike dick. A person might not want/need the contrast in gender the way I personally do, and that can be for so many reasons it isn’t even really possible to list them all.

Now, having gotten all that out of the way, I do think that non-straight people are more likely to have same-sex dæmons. A correlation rather than a causation, if you will. In part I think this has to do with non cis-het people generally being more flexible in their gender performance (this is a big generalization, I am aware, don’t bite my head off) and because of this, might be more comfortably with a same-sex dæmon. As I said before, sexuality/your gender does not directly determine your dæmon’s gender, but there will probably be a correlation.

If you’ve read this whole thing and are asking, well, what about me? I/my dæmon don’t fit under male or female? Then the answer is that honestly not much changes, but deciding how your dæmon portrays themselves may be more challenging.

For those of you who don’t identify as male/female (I understand that there are a large number of labels you could use, but for the sake of brevity I’m going to use genderqueer as an umbrella term) you can absolutely still have a dæmon that identifies as male or female. As I pointed out earlier, your gender does not inherently determine the gender of your dæmon. If you feel particularly drawn to female energies and are genderqueer, congratulations, you probably have a female dæmon.

In regards to dæmons being genderqueer/not fitting the traditional gender binary, this is also an option if you feel that your dæmon does not fit within the confines of the gender binary. You do not need to identify as genderqueer for this to affect your dæmon. Admittedly I don’t think of genderqueer dæmons as particularly common, but that certainly doesn’t mean that it can’t/doesn’t happen. Again, this would probably be more commonplace in queer safe spaces, but not always.

Onto some commonly asked questions:

Gender is, at its core, a social construct. If we accept this, why then do dæmons have to conform to any gender at all?

Well, they don’t. Besides, just because gender is a construct doesn’t mean it isn’t useful. Money has no inherent value, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t massively influence our daily lives. You may decide that the traditional gender binary doesn’t suit either yourself or your dæmon, but that doesn’t mean that those who feel it does ought to be belittled.

So, if I’m gay, is my dæmon the same gender as me?

Nope, not necessarily. You can be gay and have a same-sex dæmon if that feel right, but you can also have a dæmon of the opposite sex. Both are completely fine.

What if I���m straight? Can I still have a same-sex dæmon?

Yes, you can!

What if I’m bi/pan/ace/whatever, does that affect my dæmon’s gender?

Your dæmon’s gender is separate from both your gender expression and your sexuality. Therefore, whatever you identify as does not inherently affect what your dæmon will present as.

Do dæmons have sexuality?

This is a harder question to answer, and I’m going to go with a resounding “eh”. I don’t think dæmons would have sexuality in the sense of desiring to have sex with another dæmon—at the very least, I have never experienced this. I do, however, think that some dæmons would show a marked preference for the gender of the dæmon that belongs to their human’s romantic interest. For example, a dæmon might be drawn to male dæmons than female dæmons. Could this affect their human’s romantic/sexual endeavors? Yes, I think so. Maybe not overtly, but a dæmon that likes male dæmons might encourage their human to go after their preferred gendered partner who also has a dæmon that is the gender they prefer. Does that make sense?

I still don’t know what gender my dæmon is, how do I figure that out?

If after reading this you still aren’t clear, that’s totally fine! Gender is a very complicated topic that uses a lot of abstract language; dæmonism is the same. Put the two together and nobody knows what’s going on anymore. There’s no need to immediately gender your dæmon. You can play around with what gender they present as for as long as you want. A lot of this is very instinct and vibes based, so it really is just whatever feels right to you.

I used to think my dæmon was X gender and now I think they might be Y gender. Is that okay?

Yep! Totally okay. Who’s going to stop you, the dæmon police?

What if I don’t want to gender them at all?

Again, perfectly fine, and really, who cares? Is anybody going to break down your door and tell you to stop imagining a talking animal that does or does not conform to a certain gender? I highly doubt it, or else you’re living a much more exciting life than I am.

In summary: dæmons do not derive their gender from their human’s gender nor their sexuality, and dæmon gender is an entirely separate category.

[thetaboochristian]

Some Mother’s Day Musings

Ok, so this post is going to hit a few different angles, as it relates to motherhood. I’ll mention a little bit about my mom, but I’m also going to throw a couple other philosophical ideas in here too the most people might not think about when it comes to Mother’s Day.

I’m totally not going to mention anything about “Rebecca” in this post, nothing really positive or negative, even though yes technically I mean she is the mother of my son... she has a new husband to celebrate her in that regard and that’s fine. I still love my son “Aaron” and... “Rebecca” has still taught him some good things despite all of the conflict you’ve already heard about in my previous content, and I believe that my son will still learn some great things from her in the future.

Ok so moving on from that, I want to first say thanks to my mom for all of the crazy things she put up with as I was growing up and even during much of my 20′s, since I still had to be around her a lot for work even when I wasn’t living with her anymore. 

Even though my mom and I have certainly had our rough patches, my relationship with her is WAY better than my relationship with my dad. With my Autistic brother requiring most of her attention growing up, and my dad not around or doing stuff with me that often, I spent most of my childhood alone. I mean yeah, my mom fed me and took care of my basic needs, but I spent most of my day playing or researching stuff on my own, or day dreaming... lots of day dreaming and philosophizing, even as a little kid.

You see, my mom feels kind of bad that she couldn’t spend more time with me as a kid, and while I understand it, it shaped me in a way that has helped me a great deal in my life as an adult. All of that time spent alone helped me become the intrepid researcher, scientist and philosopher that I am today. Because of that upbringing, I don’t mind being alone most of the time, and aside from my current desire for a wife (a good one this time around), I don’t have much NEED for friends, though I don’t mind socializing with others as long as they aren’t @$$holes and the socialization isn’t impeding on some big important project that I want to get done for my business or personal development.

So thanks mom, for loving me and supporting me through all of the awkward stages of my teens and early twenties as I figured out what I wanted to do and become in life. {*I’m writing this in her honor, but I sure as heck would never let her read this, or my blog as a whole that is at least, because I DEFINITELY don’t want her seeing some of the other things I’ve written about... they’re just not things that parent’s and their children want to hear or know about each other.*}

Ok so now, I’m going to get into something a little bit more abstract, regarding the mothering instinct and heart.

This is going to get a little spiritual here.

In Christianity, God is referred to as Heavenly Father, and if you believe the Bible is true, then you know that God Himself spoke that to people, told them that He was a He... however, God made human kind in God’s likeness... both the male and the female. So, in reality, while God may assume the form of a man/father, God also contains the feminine nature and mother-heart. God has an equal amount of masculine and feminine qualities inside of Him, in His heart and soul and mind. 

Interestingly enough, though I’ve often times considered what I’m about to say next as a curse, I noticed something interesting about myself when I thought about this concept of God’s dual masculinity and femininity. So... I am a man who has a good amount of masculine nature inwardly and outwardly, but I also have... maybe a little bit more of a feminine nature within my heart than most men do. I’m not effeminate, as like a gay man would be, but I think I have an interesting blend of masculine and feminine traits that makes me much more like God and Jesus than I once thought.

You see, Astrologically speaking, I am an Aries/Pisces cusp... I’m a mix of the two signs based upon when I was born. Aries is the MOST Alpha (Type A) of all the signs, and Pisces is the MOST Beta (or Type B) of all the signs. Aries is the most Masculine in terms of personality and behavior, and Pisces is the most Feminine in terms of personality and behavior. I would say that if I had to really break it down, I’m 65% masculine and 35% feminine overall, in regards to my personality, world view and lifestyle.

When it comes to tackling tasks that need to get done, or trying to fix some urgent problem that could wreak havoc on me or my family if it isn’t resolved soon, I’m 100% Aries mode, I’m like a bulldozer with nitrous tanks and a turbo! I’m attacking that problem with everything I’ve got and people better stay the heck out of my way and not hinder me unnecessarily. 

When it comes to socialization, I either have nothing to say or I’m almost too chatty. I never know which one is going to come out of me when I’m in a given situation. I guess I’m more feminine when it comes to having conversations with people.

When it comes to romance, I start off VERY Pisces-like (feminine), very slow and gentle and wanting to rub, cuddle, nuzzle and slow kisses, etc. Then, once that has started, I start turning more and more Aries-like again (masculine), increasing in intensity regarding the forcefulness of my touching, kissing, and expressing my burning flame through my voice and words. This is where I need a girlfriend/fiancé/wife who’s OK with being told blatantly X-Rated things that I want to do to her OR for her, once we’ve reached the point in our relationship where we’ve had the talk and know each other’s “Yes and No” list. If she can’t handle and enjoy dirty talk during the right times, she’s not the one for me. I need a woman who will let me fully express my sexual energy to her through words, and who will do the same to me. 

Once it gets to sex (which is only within marriage according to the principles I practice), I will naturally repeat the cycle of Pisces-like first, and Aries-like a few minutes in, and I’ll alternate back and forth throughout the time together unless she asks specifically for one or the other primarily. It really though, boils down to “Vanilla” days and “Not-Very-Vanilla” days, regarding my desires and expressions of them within a marriage.  

When it comes to managing a house hold, parenting, finances, etc, I’m very masculine. While I care about people’s feelings, they don’t come before the structure, cleanliness and integrity of our house, car, bank account, etc. I will NOT let my kid make huge messes, or I will ONLY let him make messes in designated places. I don’t mind saying NO to something that my kid would find fun if it can’t be done without damaging something in my house/car or wracking up a bunch of debt for something that’s not a necessity.

Finally, when it comes to movies, TV shows and books, I kind of rapidly cycle between Masculine and Feminine. Basically, anything in a story, show or movie that typically makes most women cry, it will make me cry too. I can’t help it. I really can't! Sometimes I’ve even gotten more teary eyed and emotional over something than my mom or one of my exes did. While that might be kind of embarrassing in one way, it shows what a genuinely caring and empathetic person I am. If I see something on TV about a little girl in a hospital bed and they bring in a therapy dog for her to pet and she get’s all excited and emotional about it, I’ll usually get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. 

Same thing applies to tragic stuff in movies and shows. When there’s a 100 car pile up in the middle of a blizzard and people are trapped and freezing and rescuers have to go around and help people... that makes me tear up. When someones’ loved one is dying in a hospital bed... it makes me cry. I REALLY took it hard when I read 50 Shades of Grey and got to the end of the first book in the series and Christian Grey whipped Anastasia with a belt really hard over and over and she got so upset and cried and ran away and said to the effect of “WTF is wrong with you?! How can you enjoy doing something like this to a woman?!” I know that in the next story, Christian eventually learned his lesson and felt sorry and changed and became a better person, but my goodness... I understand LIGHT bondage/“Soft-Dom” and I’ve kinda grown into my interest in that (both to give and receive it in my next marriage if she’s willing), but I just can’t understand people who get pleasure out of INTENTIONALLY trying to inflict pain on other people. I guess I thought about it from the perspective of what I would or would never do to a woman who I loved. Arguments and hurt feelings are inevitable but physical harm... I could NEVER do.  

What’s so interesting about my Masculine/Feminine balance is, if you read the descriptions for Aries signs and Pisces signs, I’m like a 95% accurate match to BOTH of them, even though they are pretty opposing. This strange combination probably played a large part in what made me into a “Sigma Male”.

You’ve heard of “Alpha Males” and “Beta Males”, “Alpha Females” and “Beta Females”, but a SIGMA is one who has a unique balance of both Alpha and Beta characteristics, but this doesn’t make them “average”... it makes them incredibly special and unique. Most people are only either Alpha OR Beta (though there are some other types that are less common, like Omegas who just sit around all day goofing off and have no ambition or drive for anything except video games, internet and junk food.)

But anyway, SIGMA men and women are like lone wolves, they have some big grand mission in life that they want to accomplish, and they care little for the rules of Social Hierarchy. They can be friends with pretty much any clique but are rarely close to anyone except a romantic partner. They find socialization a waste of time many times, and prefer to spend most of their time doing something productive or pleasurable. Sigmas are the Christian Grey’s of the real world, in the sense that they prefer to be rich, mostly isolated people who are ABLE to socialize and be a people person but like to do so only when it fits their schedule. Minus the abuse part, I saw A LOT of similarities between Christian Grey and myself when it comes to how I would structure and manage my life if I had a lot of money. I’d be just like him, just with Christian moral values and no sadomasochism. If you look at all the other personality traits and world views, etc that he has, it’s probably 75-80% similarity to my thoughts and feelings and interests and world views.

While I couldn’t find any lists of famous people who are Sigmas, I did find some  links to webpages that explain Sigma’s in more detail. Even if it says it applies to Males, the characteristics pretty well cross over to women too, and I know because I used to date a Sigma girl, and she was the best girlfriend I ever had, even though we eventually broke up. 

Here are the links:

https://herway.net/life/11-traits-define-sigma-male/

https://hackspirit.com/sigma-male-11-things-they-do-and-how-you-can-become-one-too/

https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/sigma-male/

https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/9304/sigma-males/

SO... in closing...

What does all this Sigma stuff have to do with Mother’s Day and mothering nature? Well... I believe that Sigma men (straight ones that is) have a particularly high amount of “mothering instinct” without being effeminate or seeming devoid of masculinity. I believe that Sigma men and women both exhibit the most “God-like” or “Christ-like” nature just how they naturally are. I believe that it’s probably fair to say that GOD is probably a Sigma... if He had to be classified as having one specific personality type. God is the epitome of Masculinity AND Femininity (in all of their good ways), and I think that Sigma men and women are also like that... the best balance of Masculine and Feminine in one being. 

Come to think of it, my mom seems an awful lot like a Sigma to me, now that I think about it... and while my dad is a little bit more “Beta”, he also has a good bit of “Alpha” traits too, so when I consider what both my mom and dad are like, maybe that’s where I got my Sigma traits from... but more so from my mom... I’m sure. 

My dad for the most part taught me what I did NOT want to do or be like, and my mom for the most part taught me what I DID want to be like. Come to think of it, now looking back I think that my mom’s dad (who recently passed) seemed a lot like a Sigma male too. Maybe that’s where my mom got her’s from. My grandpa on my mom’s side taught her how to be a good hearted person and how to not take advantage of people or be greedy. He taught her how to be financially responsible and care for those in need who can’t help themselves. While some of my mom’s siblings may have not adopted all of those good life lessons and characteristics, thank God that my mom did.

While I may not have much good to say about my Dad or most of the people on his side of the family, I am sure thankful to have had all of the good lessons, teachings, foundation and love that came from my mom’s side of the family, which my mom passed on to me and lavished upon me, even when nobody else had my back. 

:) <3

Until next time, take care and God Bless!

“Luke Davidson” - Author of The Taboo Christian book and blog 

[discourseboyfriends]

(Might be a long one) Ever since I followed your blog, I've been trying to rationalize he/him lesbians in my mind. Yes, gender is weird and yes I'll use their preferred pronouns regardless of my stance. But I just don't understand it unless they're basically saying "I have a vagina and I'm attracted to people with vaginas, and I also equate a vagina to womanhood, therefore I can use whatever pronoun I want but I'm still a woman who loves women based on said beliefs" (1/?)

(2/?) And that’s always struck me as deeply transphobic. I personally want to separate my identity as much as I can from my body. I don’t want a vagina and I sure as hell wouldn’t date someone who claims to be only into women but say they are willing to date trans men as well. It’s not okay for my ex BF who was cishet to do that, and it sure as hell isn’t okay for lesbians to do that. All this talk about “gender =/= pronouns and gender =/= your clothes” become moot when people say

(3/?) say he/him lesbians are cisgender women with “a complicated relationship with gender”. Like that’s literally the definition of being non binary/non gender conforming. Add on top of that a more masculine leaning POV and you have a… Person who’s relationship with gender is complicated. Which is like me. Masculinity is different for everyone. I don’t want chest hair or a beard, but I wear suits, use male/gender neutral pronouns, would like to undergo surgery/HRT, and /am a boy/.

(4/?) Ultimately I just want to understand them. I know cisgender people may use pronouns not used by their gender (I.e: drag queens using she/her while in drag and he/him while out). But I also realize that drag was often the gateway for many trans people to recognize their identity. In fact, the gay/lesbian community was ALWAYS tied with trans people, it’s just internal transphobia that causes people to erase these experiences and pretend that drag queens can’t be women or kings can’t be men.

(5/5) In the end people experience gender differently. If being feminine means wearing a suit, then go for it. If being masculine includes wearing nail polish, go for it. Like to me, having a beard or being hairy isn’t part of my experience of masculinity. Short hair, stylish suits, pants, t-shirts and jeans, a deeper voice, and a flat chest are. Maybe it is for you, maybe it isn’t, but it goes to show that you don’t need to conform to a gender based on stereotypes to /be/ that gender.

Okay I… actually really love a lot of the points that you bring up, anon?

Especially regarding the statement “"a complicated relationship with gender". Like that’s literally the definition of being non binary/non gender conforming” because tbh… yeah, honestly? Like with how it’s always so harped on “lesbians feel a disconnect from womanhood! And dysphoria! And want to go by he/him! And want HRT or top surgery!” It’s very… Yikes? Like… what do you think a trans dude EXPERIENCES? 

In general, we’ve heard from a lot of different people who’s former identity as lesbian kept them from realizing that they were men specifically BECAUSE they staked so much on the identity of A) making men the enemy at worst and a joke at best, and B) lesbians being lesbians no matter how far their gender suggests them not being lesbians. Idk…just… from what I’ve heard from guys who formerly identified as lesbians, a lot of their consensus seems to be that it’s pushed SO hard that not identifying with womanhood is normal and this NEVER makes a lesbian a man that it’s… super unfriendly to people figuring out that they’re men.

While I personally differ on my opinion of drag queens/kings (Not that I view you as “wrong”, I just am shaky due to my understanding of what drag is? But that’s another ramble entirely that I won’t force on you rn without somebody asking to hear it) I do agree on a large scale about gender being personal and widely differing across people. There’s no singular across-the-board role in relationships that men feel comfortable taking, there’s no singular body type that men feel comfortable having, there’s no singular presentation that men feel comfortable expressing, there’s no single perception of reality that is the correct “male” way to perceive.The thing that makes us men isn’t some abstract gene we could take a DNA test to find, or our presentation, or what bodies we want, or even our personal opinions of what “experiencing the world from a man’s pov” is like. 

The thing that makes us men and very clearly men is the fact that maleness connects with us in a way that womanhood...doesn’t. Like a disconnect from womanhood.Like a desire to be recognized as male and have he/him used for us.Like a degree of discomfort with either our primary or secondary sex characteristics.Like... experiencing literally everything else most he/him lesbian supporters say is DEFINITELY still a female-indicating trait women can experience.Hm.

[becomingbisexual]

Bi women and slash shipping

ok so one quick word on slash (fan)fiction here. i’m not a gay man and i do not want to speak over gay men on this issue. however i am a bi woman who read a lot of slash fanfiction in her adolescence and these facts are not independent. and this is relevant because about half of slashers are queer, and a huge portion of those are bisexual women. so beyond “fujoshi” hate this is also an inner-community issue, and to inform it I’d like to throw in some reasons why bi women might use gay erotica.

for one thing, i’m pretty sure (and already articulated it back then, at, like, age 13) that gay erotic fiction worked for me specifically because it didn’t contain anybody who was like me. it was a way to explore sexuality without exploring my sexuality; without addressing the heaps of anxiety which 13-year-old me had about the idea of ever actually having sex myself. i even remember actively trying to read straight/lesbian fiction back then, but it made me uncomfortable. i also couldn’t write or even fantasize privately about anything that involved a female body, including my own body even as the protagonist.

alas, i grew up, i became sexually active, i grew somewhat comfortable with my sexuality, and i started writing and reading straight and lesbian erotic fiction, alongside still occasionally reading (though never writing) slash.

now. i’m inclined to ascribe that anxiety i felt back then, and the inability to have any sexual fantasy involving my own female body, to internalized misogyny, telling young me that sexuality was bad and specifically my sexuality was bad because i was a girl. and sex was only for boys. sex between fictional men, however, was something abstract, which had nothing to do with me as a person, and thus my examination of it was an examination of sex per se. as a concept. as something that could, theoretically, be fun. as something that could be nuanced and complicated and individualized. (add to this theory that i also only ever read in english, which is not my native language; an experience which my slash-reading female friends have largely shared. that, too, was an obvious way to create a safe distance between the fiction and my actual life and body.)

but i’m going to go ahead and suspect that additionally, i may also have been dealing with internalized homophobia; and that only thinking about sex in terms of men interacting with other men was a neat way for me to avoid addressing any same-sex attraction i might have otherwise felt towards female characters involved, indulging (and developing) only the male-attracted side of my sexuality.

all this while at the same time - i marvel at the ingenuity of it - allowing me to examine the concept of same-sex attraction from afar, in a way that was safely removed from my concept of self, for the time being. allowing me to understand that same-sex couples are just as layered and complex and loving and unique as straight couples. a first stepping stone which, i honestly think, helped decrease homophobia and later accept myself as bi. and, yes, probably part of the (emotional! because there are so many more emotions involved in slash fiction than just sexual arousal!) appeal was also the exploration of homosexual narratives - coming-out stories, forbidden love stories, stories about accepting oneself, stories involving harrassment and overcoming it through love. this is pretty similar to a point often thrown in fujoshis’ face as fetishization of gay relationships and lives - but through my eyes, it wasn’t fetishization so much as a placeholder to work through my fears and questions and confusion regarding my own, subconscious, sapphic attraction - before ever actually addressing that attraction itself.

now i’m not sure what my conclusion from all this is yet. that will depend in part on feedback from the community. but i’m kinda hoping that we can find some common ground on ways that young people should be able to safely and shamelessly access certain types of erotic material, picturing people of various sexual orientations, in order to figure out their own. because it seems to me, from my experience, that there can be valid reasons for why young women create and consume slash fiction, which aren’t fetishization.

(which isn’t at all to say that there aren’t harmful trends in slash fiction, yaoi, etc., which we should fight. i absolutely agree that certain relationship dynamics which are glorified in those stories are harmful, as are certain tropes and misinformation about gay sex)

bi women, please do comment and tell me if you relate. gay men, please do tell me what you think.

[loudlytransparenttrash]

10 Ways Of Overcoming The Social Justice Stranglehold

It’s no mistake that cultural Marxists in the form of social justice warriors and feminists tend to create artificial divisions between people and “classes” while attacking and homogenizing very real and natural divisions between individuals based on biological reality and inherent genetic and psychological ability.

They do this most commonly by designated arbitrary “victim status” to various classes, dividing them from each other based on how “oppressed” they supposedly are. The less statistically prominent a particular group is (less represented in a job field, media, education, population, etc) in any western society based on their color, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, etc, generally the more victim group status is handed to them by social justice gatekeepers. Whites and males (straight males) are of course far at the very bottom of their list of people who have reason to complain and are repeatedly targeted and attacked by SJW organizations and web mobs as purveyors of some absurd theory called “The Patriarchy”.

It is not enough anymore to simply continue pointing out the insanity of political correctness, we must also take useful steps toward reversing the destruction already done.

Do you have leftist leaning friends or family members? It doesn’t matter. Are you employed in a workplace crawling with social justice ideologues? Stop seeing them as part of the equation because they do not matter. Worried about losing a relationship if you make a stand? Say good riddance. This is what must be done by free thinkers if they are to counter and reverse the collectivist nightmare of cultural Marxism. Here’s some solutions, which must be enacted by individuals in their daily lives regardless of the potential backlash:

1. Feel no shame

Social justice relies on shaming tactics, usually by slandering an opponent with a label that does not really apply to them in order to control the person’s arguments and behavior. If you don’t care about being called a bigot, a racist, a sexist, a misogynist, a homophobe, etc, because you know you aren’t, then there is not really much that they can do to you. They have overused these attacks to the point of having no meaning.

2. Do not self-censor

This does not mean you should go too far out of your way to act like an asshole, but the thought police have power only if you give power to them. Say what you want to say when you want to say it, and do it with a smile. Let them froth and scream until they have an aneurism. Cultural Marxists are generally piss-weak, anxiety-riddled children. They avoid physical confrontation like they avoid logic, so why fear them?

3. Realize there is no such thing as white privilege or male privilege

In reality, there is only institutionalized “privilege” for victim-status groups. There is no privilege for whites, males, white males or straight white males. When confronted with such claims, demand to see proof of such privilege. Invariably, you will get a long list of first world problems and complaints backed by nothing but easily debunked talking points and misrepresented statistics. People should not feel guilty for being born the way they are, and this includes those “darn white male devils”…

4. Demand facts to back claims

Cultural Marxists tend to argue on the basis of opinion and emotion rather than fact. Present facts to counter their claims, and demand facts and evidence in return. Opinions are irrelevant if the person is not willing to present supporting facts when asked. 9.5/10 you’re going to win the argument so don’t be afraid to confront their obvious exaggerations and fabrications.

5. Do not play the game of “unconscious bias”

If social justice cultists can’t counter your position with facts or logic, they will invariably turn to the old standby that you are limited in your insight because you have not lived in the shoes of a - (insert victim group here). I agree. In fact, I would point out that this reality of limited perception also applies to THEM as well. They have not lived in your shoes, therefore they are in no position to claim you enjoy “privilege” while they do not. They love to pretend that they know everything about everybody and therefore have the right to judge and position us all in the victim rankings. This is why facts and evidence are so important, and why anecdotal evidence and personal feelings are irrelevant where cultural Marxism is concerned.

6. Let them know their fears and feelings do not matter

No one is entitled to have their feelings coddled and normalized by others. Whether the issue is the nonexistent “boogeyman rape culture” or “racist white cops are going on purge-like killing sprees of young innocent black people”, their irrational and delusional fears are not our concern, it’s not society’s job to alleviate their phobia of men, straight people or white people, that is what psychotherapists are for. Why should any individual relinquish their liberties in the name of placating frightened nobodies?

7. Maintain your rights, they do not hurt other people

PC cultists will invariably argue that a certain group of people (we all know who that is), whether they know it or not, is indirectly harming others by essentially breathing and it’s up to them to recognize, apologize and change their oppressive ways. "We live in a society”, they say, “and everything we do affects everyone else…”. Don’t take such accusations seriously; these people do not understand how freedom works.

For instance, hypothetically as I don’t hold these views, that I refuse to bake a gay wedding cake for a couple. I would be accused of violating their rights but in reality I would only be preserving my own. I would have every right to not bake that cake if I didn’t want to, not a single person could make me. Also, I would point out that the gay couple in question has every right in a free society to bake their own cake or open their own cake shop to compete with mine. This is how freedom works. It is not based on collective entitlement; it is based on personal responsibility.

8. Refuse to deny the scientific fact of biological sex

Sexes are first and foremost genetic imperatives. Society does not determine gender roles; nature does. A man who gets his genitals removed and takes hormone pills is not and will never be a woman. A woman who tapes down her breasts and shaves her hair will never be a man. No amount of social justice, denial of biology and science or wishful thinking will ever allow them to reverse their genetic proclivities. Their psychological and sexual leanings do not change their inborn biological reality. I’m not saying we should attack or hate these people by any means, we should treat people equally, but the moment they begin to go bananas and call you cis scum over getting their pronoun wrong or assuming one of their 200 genders, it’s time to refuse to play along with this nonsense.

9. Deny the illusion of Utopian equality

There is no such thing as pure equality. Society is not a homogeneous entity, it is an abstraction built around a group of unique individuals. Individuals can be naturally gifted, or naturally challenged. But there will always be some people who are more apt towards success than others.

I have no problem whatsoever with the idea of equality of opportunity, which is exactly what we have in this country. I do have a problem however with the lie of universal equality through engineered means.

Standards of success should not be lowered in order to accommodate the least skilled people to facilitate artificial parity. For example, I constantly hear the argument that more people with victim group status should be given greater representation in positions of influence and regard within our culture, from science and engineering, to media, to business CEO’s, to politics, etc. The key word here is “given”, rather than “earned”. There is nothing wrong with one group of people excelling in a field more than another group, and there is nothing wrong with inequality when it comes to individual achievement. We must begin refusing to reward people for mediocrity and punishing success simply because the winners are not part of a designated victim group.

10. If you are a man, embrace your role

Men in particular have a considerable task ahead in terms of their personal endeavors if they hope to repair the destruction of social justice.

For thousands of years, men have been the industrial force behind all human progress and achievement. Today, they are told to be relegated to cubicles and customer service and to stay out of the way of badass, strong and independent women because their presence around a female is scary and oppressive… If we have any chance of undoing the damage of cultural Marxism, modern men must be men again.

You don’t have to prove to anyone you do “manly things”, just go out and do them. Most importantly, embrace your masculinity. Men are meant to be strong, hard working, competitive, protective and brave. Yes, women can be too but we are telling men that these qualities are toxic, only for feminists to use them for their own empowerment. They’re either toxic or they’re empowering. Make your mind up, ladies.

Men, you also need to be a threat again. That does not mean a threat against women, your family or anyone around you, but our men are supposed to be threatening to those who would threaten us. Modern society has not removed the need for masculinity and this will become more obvious the more our culture sinks into economic despair and the more our country’s values become overtaken. Just take a peep into Europe, their men are being raped by Somalian refugees and they apologize and feel guilty that his poor, victimized rapist faces deportation.