#(Riley stop imitating your brother)

[luna-andra]

The Shadows Return | Simon 'Ghost' Riley x OC | Retired AU | Chapter 6: The Cage

Summary: Ghost and Andra's first not-date

Author's note: This chapter was so fun to research and write, I hope you guys enjoy! ✨️

Content Warning: slow burn, eventual smut, 18+, fluff, mentions of mental health

If this is the first time you're seeing this, Chapter 1 is here. You can find the rest on my masterlist! Next chapter is here!

Word count: ~6k

The ideal way to see Andra bright and early in the morning would be with a smile on her face for once. Ghost was just relieved that he wasn’t the cause of her anger this time. His truck rolled to a stop in front of her house, and he could see her pacing back and forth on her front porch, her phone pressed against her ear. He couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of her in black sportswear, her hair pulled up in a hair tie with spindles of curls flowing from the pony and two free curls framing each side of her face.

She noticed his arrival and gave him a subtle “please wait” gesture to him.

Ghost sat tight in the truck, tapping a finger against the steering wheel nonchalantly. He observed her body language as she strolled down the 3-step landing, taking slow steps to the front of the truck. He wasn’t that good at reading lips, but he didn’t have to be to know that she was saying ‘no’ venomously. Everything else was lost on him, and her voice grew loud enough for him to realize she was yelling in Spanish.

Andra approached the passenger door, her last words being “Good luck figuring it out” before hanging up and slamming the door behind her.

He took the risk of trying to lighten the mood. “Got a habit of slammin’ doors, do we?”

Andra groaned as she scrubbed her clean face with shaky hands. “Sorry, my mom knows how to push my buttons.”

This is the first time he’s heard her talk about her family since they met. “That bad?” He also realized since it’s crack-of-dawn early here for them, it was late over there in the states.

Andra set her phone to vibrate and shoved it into her back pocket. “She tried starting with the whole ‘hi, mija! How are you doing? We miss you!’” her voice went up a few pitches to reflect an imitation of her mother, “And here I am thinking ‘it’s eleven at night over there, why is she calling that late?’ so I let her play her little game until she finally came out with it.”

She took a breath along with a hand gesture as if she’s trying to compose herself in front of her face. “She asked me to help her bail out my cousin Andrew.”

Ghost, focusing on the road, felt hesitant to ask anything about the situation, but he took the bait. “Are you close with your cousin?”

“No!” Andra exclaimed. “I don’t talk to that side of the family because they deal – “ she interrupted herself to omit a bit of information. “They run the streets with the wrong people, and I told her several times before that I couldn’t care less about that side of the family.

“And does she ever bother my brothers with that bullshit? Oh no, never,” she sneered, “Not her precious mijitos.” Andra crossed her arms over her chest and let out a heavy sigh, followed by a sarcastic chuckle. “I’m only family when they need something.”

Ghost sympathized with her, but he didn’t know what to say. What was that part about them dealing? Dealing drugs?

Andra melted into the passenger seat and eyed him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping this on you when we’re supposed to be having a nice day out.”

All he could do is play it off. “I think I have to draw the line at family baggage.”

A silent snicker had her shoulders bobbing. “That would be my hard limit, too. So tell me now if I have anything crazy to look forward to so we can call it quits now.”

He knew she was joking back, but he couldn’t help but think how she had no clue.

Her head relaxed against the headrest as she looked out the windshield to the morning sunrise melding with the skyline. “I guess I should be thankful that she bothered me early in the morning rather than in the middle of our not-date.”

Ghost shook his head at that with a hidden grin. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“Speaking of, where are we going?” Andra turned to him again.

The truck stopped at the next stop light and took a left, taking them away from Disley and the little civilization they lived nearby. “A park.”

“A park?” she questioned. “We passed up plenty of other parks.”

Ghost eyed her for a quick second before looking back to the road. “This one’s different.”

“Is this a park where notorious killers dump the bodies of their victims? Because that’s the vibe I’m getting.”

He rolled his eyes. “If I was a killer, don’t you think I would’ve done it a long time ago?”

Ghost could feel the grin she was trying to suppress. “That was honestly my first thought when we met.”

“Gee, thanks.”

With the sun only halfway peaked over the horizon, the truck drove down a narrow, one-lane road lined with beech trees shedding their red and yellow leaves. The wind was mild, and with each passing breeze the leaves were picked up in a wistful, arbitrary direction, creating flurries of autumn colors.

Andra looked out the window with a young, whimsy sparkle in her beautiful browns, and the sight of an ancient and well-maintained estate came into view. Ghost wasn’t sure if she even knew that she whispered a ‘whoa,’ but he wouldn’t ruin the moment.

The road split off into two directions, and Ghost made a right turn to the near-empty parking lot.

“The estate is closed until 0900, but the grounds are open to the public to roam about.” Ghost shifted the gear into park and killed the ignition. Behind him, he reached for a small pack that he prepared with a few water bottles and some protein bars in case they were peckish on the trail. “Ready?”

Andra was already opening the passenger door to hop out. “Absolutely.”

From the parking lot, they took the trail that would lead them directly to the front gates of the estate. The weather was mildly cool, but Ghost was wearing a jacket in case he found Andra feeling cold. Her skintight, long sleeve athletic zip up looked thin, but so far on the stroll she was managing.

The front gates to the estate were closed, but a quick cross over the road would lead them onto another trail. Andra observed the castle-like mansion. “Why does this place look familiar? I swear I’ve never been here before.”

Ghost stepped up to her side. “BBC’s Pride & Prejudice was filmed here.”

“No shit.” Her eyebrows shot up. “You watched it?”

He shook his head. “You?”

“Nah, just seen a few minutes here and there when friends would watch it.” Andra turned to continue the trudge along the trail lined with aged half-walls of cobblestone.

Ghost followed in tow. “I figured that would be your type of thing to watch.”

She snorted. “Why, because I read the occasional romance novel?”

“Romance? You read downright smut.”

Her face blazed crimson at his retort. “Jeez, thanks for saying it out into the wind.”

The wind was fresh and crisp every time it blew through the fabric of his balaclava. It had been a while since Ghost had been out on a nature hike, probably since the last time he and the lads went camping. This trumped staying home all day doing annual house upkeep or working out for a few hours.

The manor faded beyond the rolling hills, and further they followed the trail. Ghost knew exactly where this trail would lead them, high up on a hill overlooking Disley.

The silence between them was comfortable, Ghost didn’t feel the need to fill the time with talk. Andra was enthralled with the scenic tour of the countryside. Yet, Andra found herself being disrupted by the occasional vibration from her phone. Alerting her to unwanted messages by the expression darkening her eyes.

“Still getting loving messages from mother dearest?” Ghost assumed.

Her ponytail whipped around as she turned to look at him. “Yeah, at this point I’m realizing I should’ve left my phone in your truck.” Her finger held down the power button, and the phone’s screen went black.

“Did you leave the states to get away from them?” It was not like Ghost to go prying into people’s personal life, but he had always been curious about what brought her all the way over here in his own backyard. Or rather, next door down the road.

Andra slowed down to a sloth’s pace before she sat upon the cobble wall beside the path. “That’s not the entire reason, but it’s some of it.” She looked down at her dusty shoes. “I lost my scholarship. I had a four-year ride to Texas State, and a year in I blew it.

“My mother was pissed.” Andra’s gaze lifted to stare aimlessly amongst the fields of yellowing grass. “Not because I squandered my future, but because she thought she would never get rid of me. She didn’t want a daughter, just boys. And I worked my ass off all throughout school to make sure I had a way to leave home as soon as possible.

“So, when she found out that I was getting kicked out of the dorms, she told me I wasn’t welcome to come back.”

Ghost clenched his jaw. “And your dad? Was he present?”

Andra’s hands rubbed the tops of her thighs as she swung her feet. “He was, but he was completely oblivious to my mother’s vitriol.” Her eyes met his, that sadness he couldn’t bear to see swirling in the mocha of her irises. “My dad was at work the day I came back home, I’m sure if he was there, he would have opened the door for me and asked if I was hungry.”

A flash of his mother’s face manifested in his mind, her kind, ageing face opening the front door to his childhood home to greet him. He couldn’t fathom anything but love from his own mom.

Ghost had to look away from Andra and blew out a breath. “What happened after that?”

“I couch surfed while working multiple jobs.” Andra leaped off the cobble wall. “I got fed up one day, bought a world map, darts and a bottle of tequila,” Ghost shuddered at the mention of tequila, “Got piss drunk, and threw some darts at the map. That part was true, and that’s why I had lousy aim. The other two landed on Australia, and I wasn’t about to move there, scary ass bugs and all. And the other one landed on Russia, and I didn’t feel like learning a new language so Disley, England it was.”

Ghost couldn’t help but be amused by how cliché the decision was. “Safe to say you did good for yourself by moving.” The two of them continued their walk on the trail.

“Oh yeah,” she vehemently agreed. “I got a chance at life again and I don’t have to see my family? Win fucking win.” Her grin fell once more. “I miss my brothers and my dad. But I know Ivan is doing well for himself in the Marines, and Orion will be graduating high school next summer.” Andra’s eyes narrowed to the building in the distance. “What is that?”

Ghost looked at what Andra was questioning. “That’s The Cage.”

“The what now?”

The hill was getting steep, and Ghost noticed how Andra was struggling to trudge up the slope. He took her hand and led her to the smaller stone keep.

The Cage sat atop of the highest hill, looking over groves of shedding trees and endless, quiet pastures for kilometers. The closer they got to the Baroque-styled standalone structure, the louder the wind blistered all around them. A heavy, iron gate locked with chains and a padded lock restricted access to the three-story keep. Iron bars were installed on the first floor windows to keep visitors and vagrants out. And the windows on the floor above are too frosted with age to get a look of the interior of the building. Thin patches of moss speckles over the bricks and archway of the entrance, giving it color and character. The bricks have been discolored by centuries of rain running off its surface.

“It’s a historical landmark, built sometime in the 1500s.” Ghost assisted Andra as they reached a leveled out plain of gravel path, holding onto her hand even while they approached the keep. “It was originally a hunting lodge, and the wives or ladies of nobility would sit inside to watch and observe the hunters nearby.

“It was actually part of a larger structure, but they built this part of it a couple centuries after the original keep was demolished.”

Andra gave Ghost an astonished look. “I didn’t take you for a history buff.”

He laughed. “I took a field trip out here when I was still in primary school. I remember a few of the details from pamphlets we got. We were expected to take an exam on the history of the landmarks, and this one was the more interesting one to me.”

Andra pulled her hand away from Ghosts, leaving an absent sensation in his palm, to touch the withering stone. “1500s you said?” he hummed in response, and she was in awe in a way he wasn’t expecting. “Wholly shit, this might be the oldest piece of architecture I’ve ever seen in person.”

“This is nothing.” Ghost stepped closer until he was a step behind her.

She scoffed. “Yeah, that’s easy to say when your country is over a thousand years old.” Her surprised expression when she turned to face him, hand pressed firm on the wall, told Ghost that she didn’t know how close he was. She had to tilt her head up to meet his eyes.

Ghost fought the urge to place his brawny hand over hers. The air felt thicker than it has all day.

“Should we start heading back?” Ghost suggested. He figured by the time they got back, the estate and other shops were open to the public now; there was so much left he wanted to show her.

Andra nodded and followed Ghost carefully down the steep hill. “I realized something.”

Ghost hummed, “And what is that?”

“I don’t even know your last name.”

It was an innocent inquiry, one that Ghost felt comfortable sharing with her. “It’s Riley.”

Andra made an interested murmur. “Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley.”

She said his name like she it was an answer to one of life’s many questions. His name rolling off her lips made his knees weak. The way she held so much power over him should scare him. His feet began to carry him at a slower pace, walking a few meters behind that swaying ponytail, the breeze carrying the jasmine and vanilla essence that once haunted him.

-----

The estate had groups of people filing into the entrance, and the discomfort was apparent through Ghost’s body language. “It looks like the café is separate from the mansion, let’s hit it up first and get something.”

Andra’s suggestion was a relief. Ghost didn’t feel like bringing attention to the both of them and potentially ruin the experience for her. It would have been less packed if they had shown up on a weekday, but what could he do now?

The gravel crunched beneath their shoes as they approached the café. Andra hesitated, then turned to Ghost, blatantly looking at his masked face in concern.

Before she could say anything, he shook his head. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure- “

“What do you think I do when I gotta eat on my lunch breaks?” He opened the café’s door, the bell over the threshold chiming to announce their arrival.

Andra didn’t say anything else about it, yet Ghost was moved from her worrying about him. The café barista greeted them warmly, fighting the urge to give Ghost a questionable look. He let them know if they had any questions, they just needed to ask. Andra tilted her head up to look at the menu displayed on the wall. “What are you getting?”

“Just tea.” Ghost answered.

She scoffed. “Typical.” Before he could quip back, she started ordering for the both of them. “I’ll have a flat white and a tea.”

“Cream and sugar for the tea?” the barista asked politely.

Andra looked to Ghost for the answer, and he nodded. “Yes, please.” She chirped.

The barista announced the total, and before Andra could fish her wallet out of her pocket, Ghost handed payment over. He wasn’t about to let her pay for anything today.

A bashful grin crossed her mouth and she muttered a thanks.

With coffee and tea in hand, Ghost led Andra out of the café and chose a table with an opened umbrella shading them from the morning sunlight. Its vinyl material whipped and cracked with the wind. Ghost took the seat giving him the advantage to see anyone passing by and Andra sat directly across from him. She clasped the warm to-go cup in her hands, gauging the temp of the coffee with a gentle sip.

Ghost took the lid off his cup and dunk the tea bag a few times in the milky water and watched Andra’s satisfaction at her hot drink. “You cold?”

She waved her hand in a so-so gesture. “I’ll be fine after the coffee.”

“Here.” Ghost shucked off his jacket, leaving him in his black long sleeve shirt. Andra tried to protest, but stopped after he draped the jacket over her shoulders and returned to his seat. It was too big on her, but she didn’t complain.

Her cheeks went carnation pink. “Thank you.” Her attention turned to their surroundings, observing the other buildings nearby. Ghost took this as a chance to lift his mask up enough to drink his tea, gulping nearly half of the small cup. Shit, it burned going down.

With how Andra’s pupils flared, Ghost knew she was fighting the urge to look his way. Not that she had to; he made the choice to reveal a bit of his face, yet it was endearing. After concealing himself once more, Ghost broke the silence with more questions to ask her, such as what she was majoring in college, which led to her asking if he went to school before joining the military.

“No,” Ghost answered, “We were just required to have high marks on our assessments.”

“Oh.” Andra nodded; her eyes glanced down at her coffee. “In the US you have to complete college in order to be an officer.”

“Is that what you were trying to do?” He continued.

She glanced back up at him once more. “Yeah, I was in their ROTC program and was going to join the army after graduation.”

There was a thick energy around the topic. She was only giving out information that he directly asked her for. “Even though you lost your scholarship, you didn’t want to try enlisting afterwards?”

Her body went rigid, he didn’t know if it was from the cold wind blowing through or from his prodding. “I couldn’t.” A forced, halfhearted grin tried to conceal her sadness.

Ghost wanted to know more, but he was all too familiar with avoiding certain topics. And it probably had been years since she talked about this with anyone. He might be the wrong person to be asking forward questions about her past, but as much mystery as he gave off, so did she. And he wasn’t used to being in the dark about the people in his life.

With another lift of his mask, her eyes darted away, only to look back at him again as he finished off his tea. “There’s a second-hand bookstore nearby, wanna check it out?”

Andra’s eyes brightened. “For sure.”

-----

There was a particular smell about second-hand bookstores that Andra always enjoyed, a scent that she never gets anywhere else. It’s the telltale sign that these books were loved by all different kinds of people, and they were waiting to be taken home to its new owner to take them on a new adventure.

The bookstore was warm and inviting, and so was Ghost’s jacket. Andra had to fight the urge to lean her face into the lapels of the jacket to inhale his scent. Gods, she was a creep. She had done it once when he draped it over her and a second time when he walked ahead to open the door of the bookstore for her.

An orange tabby hopped down from its cat tree and approached the two of them as if to greet them, like it owned the bookstore instead of its owner. It chirped as Andra gave its back a gentle touch, earning her the honor of the cat rubbing itself against her leg. Sammy’s not gonna be happy about smelling cat on her when she gets home.

A woman in her late 30s peered her head from behind one of the many tall shelves with a smile. “Welcome, let me know if you need help finding anything particular.”

“Thank you.” Andra smiled back as she sauntered down the main corridor, scanning the aging labels for each genre.

Ghost followed closely behind her, hands at his sides. He stopped a few inches as he realized she had turned to face him. “I have an idea.”

An eyebrow disappeared beneath the fabric of his balaclava. “Should I be concerned?”

She grinned with an eye roll. “I promise, it’s not painful.”

Ghost stuffed a hand in his pocket. “Alright, I’m listening.”

“Pick a title that you would be interested in reading and I’ll have to read it, and I’ll do the same for your read. Nothing lengthy, something less than… let’s say three hundred pages.”

“That’s not lengthy to you?” Ghost retorted.

“I’ve read thousand-page books before, but I won’t make you endure that. You interested?” Andra rocked back and forth from her heels to her tip toes.

Ghost looked around and nodded his head. “Let’s see what we can find.”

“Great!” Andra left Ghost to search for his own book while she went scouring the store for some ideas.

From non-fiction to culinary, fiction to religion, the bookstore had variety. Andra went looking for the woman running the store, finding her behind the register counter. “Excuse me, do you have any American titles?”

The woman with blonde hair tied up in a bun looked at Andra with a friendly smile. “Yes, miss, it’ll be down that way.” She gestured down to the right of them. “On the lefthand side of the shelves.”

Andra thanked her and made her way to the section. From where she was at, she could see Ghost slowly stalking some shelves, his head was blocking the view of the sign that would have told her what genre he was browsing.

She didn’t know if it was the espresso in the coffee she had or excitement she felt from the day, but her heart warmed with joy. She didn’t expect the day to go the way it had. A walk on beautiful trails, sightseeing historical landmarks, coffee and books. Ghost was laying it thick, and she was eating it up.

It was enough to make her forget the morning call with her mom. Nearly enough. Andra knew she would have to call or message her brother to see if he got the same sob story from mom. It wasn’t a priority, but she hoped Ivan was smart enough not to lend the bail money.

Andra shook the thoughts away as she found the book she was looking for. The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton.

“Find your book?” Ghost’s voice penetrated her focus.

She nearly jumped a few inches off the floor. “Aye dios mio.” Her hand pressed against her racing heart as she took a breath as he chuckled. “Yeah, I found something.”

“Me too.” The book hung at his side in his hand, she could see the title in bold, capitalized letters. The Operators. “Want to exchange now?”

“Sure.” They handed off each other’s book, both a mirroring image of inspecting the cover of the books. His illustrated a man in a ski mask aiming a pistol at an unknown target with a helicopter flying over his head. “The Operators: On the Streets with Britain’s Most Secret Service.” Of course he would pick a book like this.

“The Outsiders?” Ghost turned the book over to read the backside of the book. “Didn’t they make this into a movie?”

Andra nodded. “I’ve read and watched the movie.”

Ghost narrowed his eyes on her. “You chose a book you’ve already read? That’s hardly fair.”

“We’ll call it even since you probably know half of the knowledge in this book.” Andra strolled up to the counter and laid the book gently on the counter, Ghost placing his on top of hers. “And I’ll pick up the bill this time-“

Ghost laid out a twenty-pound banknote, maintaining eye contact with her. “I don’t think so, doll.”

She felt the heat rising in her face, again. “I’m gonna get you back.”

The nice lady witnessing what might be the second most sexual tension they have had between the two of them slid Ghost’s change across the counter and bagged up the books in silence.

“No you won’t.” Ghost picked up his change and the bag, thanking her as he headed towards the front door.

Andra and the woman exchanged glances, the woman telling her get it, girl without ever saying a word. After a polite goodbye, Andra caught up with Ghost.

He was looking at his phone that was blaring an emergency alert alarm quite obnoxiously, and he muttered a curse under his breath. “A severe flood warning has been posted for our area; we better get home before we can’t.”

“Oh shit, yeah let’s go.” Andra was on Ghost’s heel as they both picked up speed to head back to the truck. The clouds were noticeably darker off in the distance, in the direction that they had to go. Wind was blowing fiercer as well, the temperature dropped a couple of degrees during the time Ghost and Andra were inside the bookstore.

Her hair whipped around her face wildly, and Andra almost wished she had a balaclava to keep the chilly air from hitting her face. By the time they arrived at the truck, cold droplets were falling onto the windshield.

The two of them slid into their respective seats, and the engine roared to life as Ghost threw the gear into reverse. Andra was turning her phone back on to check the local weather app to see how close the rain was. Her knee bobbed impatiently as the phone took its sweet time booting back up.

For the first time, Ghost turned on the radio and immediately a broadcast played on the speakers inside the cabin.

“A flash flood warning has been issued in the following areas…” the spokeswoman rattled off several town names, including Disley. “This development is uncommon for this season; we advise our listeners to seek shelter and stay indoors until further notice.”

Once Ghost was out of the parking lot, he punched the gas pedal, sending the truck careening down the road. Andra could see other vehicles behind them; they must have gotten the message as well and are trying to get back home.

“Just our luck, huh.” Andra murmured as her phone completed its boot-up, and opened the weather app. The radar showed a huge wave of orange and red and a small outline of green making its way south to Disley. They were going to definitely be pelted with some heavy rain by the time they get back.

“We’ll get there.” Ghost assured her, taking a sharp right turn onto the main road.

Andra gripped onto the hand rail as her heart leaped into her throat. “Hopefully with all our limbs and blood inside us.”

Ghost shook his head. “You gotta stop listenin’ to Johnny, I’m a good driver.”

“I mean, tell that to the speed trap you busted some tires on but I wasn’t there…” Andra braced herself once more as Ghost braked hard at a stop light.

The rain was pelting the truck hard now, and she was starting to worry about hail coming along with the rain. Did I lock up the chicken coop? Andra started to worry for her animals, going over her morning routine in her head. Yeah, the chickens should be okay, she prepared to be out for a good portion of the day.

Lightning streaked across the sky, earning a gasp out of Andra. It was never the lightning that scared her, it was the boom of thunder afterwards that bothered her. Well, no, that was a lie. She remembered watching her dad take off for work one time in the early hours, the car took off just in time to miss a strike of lightning. It hit the asphalt with a crack, and the thunder was so loud it rocked the house. She could not possibly imagine what could have happened if her dad hadn’t started driving away at that very moment. So yeah, lightning bothered her, but the thunder was worse, even at her adult age.

Andra started to recognize where they were through the torrential downpour as the windshield wipers worked double time to keep the view clear for Ghost. He took the turn onto Middleton Lane, their shared street. A breath of relief left the both of them as they realized the road wasn’t flooded nor blocked off by any debris. Ghost turned into her driveway, and got as close as he could to the front of the house without ruining any of her flowers.

As Andra was taking off his jacket, Ghost stopped her. “Give it back to me the next time we see each other.”

Andra beamed a smile at him. “You’re already sure that there will be a next time?”

His eyes crinkled at the corners; a smile was beneath that skull pattern. “If you’ll allow me.”

Another flash of lightning had Andra flinching. She pulled the jacket back onto her and lifted the hood. “Shoot me a message or a call when you get inside.”

Ghost grunted in agreement before she opened the passenger door and made a run for the covered porch, making it inside with minimal moisture. She watched the truck reverse and turn around, driving down into the brutal rain.

Andra closed the door, and a boom louder than just the thunder rocked the house. She fell to her knees and covered her head with a scream. Sammy ran up to her and licked her hands covering her head in a frenzy; she was just as afraid of the unforgiving weather outside those walls.

Andra gave Sammy loving rubs. “Poor baby, I know you need to go outside.” Sammy licked her face before Andra got back up onto her feet, heading to the kitchen storage to see if she still had leftover puppy pads. Thank gods, she saved them. Andra put a few down by the back door, and Sammy whined. “It’s just in case if you can’t wait, once the rain lets up, I’ll let you out babygirl.”

A heavy knock at her front door made her want to jump out of her skin. She could see the top of Ghost’s masked head through the frosted glass of the door. Quickly, she went to go open it and let him in. “Everything okay?”

Ghost was soaked. His long-sleeve shirt clung to his skin, leaving nothing to the imagination, and a black backpack was slung over his shoulder. “That loud bang you heard was a tree falling in the middle of the road. I tried to see if I could hook it up to the truck, but there’s no getting it out of the way by myself.”

“Shit…” Andra closed the door. “Well, obviously I don’t mind you crashing for the night here.” Ghost didn’t respond to that, and the air grew thick. “I have a spare bedroom upstairs; the couch also has a pullout bed so you have options.”

“I’ll stay down here.” Ghost declared.

Andra realized she was making him stand there with dripping wet clothes. “Oh my gods! Y-you can go ahead and use the downstairs bathroom to dry off.” She led him to the bathroom, forgetting that he already knew where it was. “It’s stocked with towels and everything else.” She assumed his bag had clothes in them, like an emergency bag she had stashed in her truck as well. Great minds think alike.

“Thank you, I won’t be long.” Ghost shut the bathroom door behind him, and Andra darted upstairs to her own bedroom. With the door closed behind her, she felt her heart racing in her chest.

Ghost is staying overnight.

-----

Any interaction with my story is always appreciated! Thank you if you've made it to the end of this chapter 🖤

[bewitchingbaker]

🚲 : Does your OC enjoy playing the field? Or are they more monogamy-minded?

Jess flips through her brother's streaming services, hoping to find something to watch. Her eyes glance at the stack of papers she needs to grade but the elder Luna has been staring at worksheets all day. Even the greatest of teachers needed a break. So why not spend a small weekend with her baby brother and Beth.

Chris is out for a walk with his hellhound, so it's just her and the younger Riley.

Just like old times. Although this time, there's just a bit more to talk about. Careers, college, general life and of course....why does she have a key to his place already. She knew something was there, especially when she noticed that familiar red hue filling his cheek when she stops by.

Looks like a little crush still remained.

When Jess hear's Beth's question, a cat like smile spreads across her face, her head resting on her fingers.

"Oh~" Jess laughs imitating Chris's cadence, "You mean does Chris 'hang out' alot of people?"

She looks up in thought, humming the jeopardy theme as she ponders how to answer the nurse's question. Jess debates on how much she should reveal about her brother's dating history. While the baker wasn't the social butterfly she was, he did have his fair share of dates. While he wasn't excatly a player, her brother could be smooth when he wanted to.

"You know Chris's shy ass isn't a playboy," Jess nods, "He's dated around, but they've all been relationships. Daisy, Greta, Xavier were all his dedicated partners and he's loyal as hell."

A pause as she thinks about the artist who pissed off the Lunas. FOr a moment. Just a moment. She smiles at the thought of someone talking Chris into standing up to her abuela and aunts during his low point in life. Plus, they were fairly close if she remmebered correctly. But Chris never confirmed...what they were. As far as she knew, he was dating her...but Acacia played coi about the nature of their relationship.

"That's not to say Chris doesn't..." Jess begins, one hand playing with one side of her currls. Hoping to find the right word.

"''Hang out' with people, I don't know if he told about the one traveling artist girl who disapeared a year ago. But they never said they were dating but he was still only talking to her since he's not the best at dating alot of people..."

Another pause.

"Not in a bad way, you just know he gets overwhelmed. But I have to ask..."

That cat like grin returns.

"Is there something going on between you two~?"

[ @brooklynislandgirl ]

[upgradeddeviant-a]

“My name is Riley. I’m the android sent by Cyberlife.”

[tloujm]

Part VII: I’m Right Here

Author’s Notes: WARNING! Rated V for violence and gore. Timeline wise, this takes place roughly a month after the last part, so it is still Winter. 

Genre: Angst followed by fluff

Summary: Tommy plays matchmaker and convinces you and Joel to go out scavenging together. The two of you run into danger that leaves you traumatized. It also leaves you questioning life and how Joel fits in it.

Ship: Joel x Reader

Despite having had your big girl chat with Joel, the two of you had yet to set a day to begin guitar lessons. One day, the two of you run into each other at The Watering Hole. Before he visited you that night, you would have slipped back out the front door, but this time you let him approach you.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Have you, um, gotten around to changing the strings?” He asked. You found the topic random.

“On the guitar?” You asked.

“No, the ukulele. The guitar should be good until next year. 

“I didn’t know I was supposed to.” You said obliviously.

“Yeah...you, um...I’ll get you some new ones one day.” Joel said. It was at this point, Tommy had spotted you two talking in the corner. He walked up to you guys.

“Big brother. (Y/N)” He nodded to the both of you. This was the first time that he’d seen you two talking in a year. Joel had confided in Tommy about the talk you two had on the porch. He wanted to see for himself how things were going between you two. He strongly believed that you were good for him and he wanted to see the two of you together again. “So, what are we talking about?”

“Apparently, I have to change the strings on my instruments every so often.” You shrugged.

“Oh yeah. Maintenance and all that. Joel can show you how to do that.” Awkward glances were exchanged. “Hey, there’s this music store, Riley and ‘em found it last week, on one of the northeast routes. It probably has supplies you’re interested in. There should be strings and...other guitar stuff.” Tommy lightly hit Joel’s shoulder to pull him into the conversation.  “What’s some other guitar stuff she might need?”

Joel glared at Tommy before scratching the back of his head. “Um, you may want a clip or maybe a strap. They might have a case for your ukulele.”

“That sounds nice.” You commented flatly. You knew what Tommy was trying to do. 

It fell silent, so Tommy had to pick up the conversation again. “That area is long overdue for a sweep anyway.” He bounced a pointed glare between the two of you.

Joel looked up at you. “What do you say, (Y/N)? It’d be like old times.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Why not.” Tommy plastered a huge smile on his face.

“Tommy! You’re next.” The barman yelled.

“And that’s my cue. Nice talkin’ to y’all.” Tommy tipped the imaginary hat on his head before walking off. You watched as Tommy set up to sing karaoke at the front of the room.

*******

The ride to the area was mostly done in silence. Joel didn’t know what to say in fear of saying the wrong thing. You weren’t sure if you wanted him to even say anything at all. The two of you found a fairly large sinkhole in the ground in front of the music store, so Joel suggested cutting through a hotel across the street from it. As you approached it, you noticed that one of entrances was barricaded by debris from the outside. The two of you stood there to assess the damage. Joel walked up to a pile of fallen roofing and lifted it up as far as he could. You took it as your cue to crawl through. It was a tight squeeze, causing you to practically slither in on your belly. 

You quickly scanned the room to make sure there were no infected before dusting yourself off. You found yourself in what used to be the dining area. The wood furniture was rotted and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. You shouted out to Joel, letting him know that you’d made it through ok. He replied by saying that he would meet you at the main entrance. By the time you made it to the double grand doors, he was already waiting outside. This time, the entrance was barricaded from the inside. You hopped up several times to unlatch the locks at the top of the doors. Finally, they were released from the metal bolts and you opened them to find Joel leaning his arm up against the frame of the door. His ankles were crossed. His whole posture suggested that he was trying to be cool and relaxed, contrary to how he usually was outside of Jackson’s safe walls. You expected to find him standing there, body tense and face rigid, something you grew familiar with when he was in survival mode. 

“Well, hello there.” You greeted. Joel recognized a trace of flirtation in your voice. You heard it too. It just came out like that, so you decided to roll with it. You opened the door wider and welcomed him into the hotel as if it wasn’t a dilapidated mess.

“Howdy.” He replied simply. As if he was the coolest man in the world, he strode. right past you with a half smile donning his face. 

You breathed a chuckle. “You’re welcome.”

The two of you walked on for a while. Despite never having been in the hotel before, Joel knowing of its existence was enough for you to let him lead the way. While he was navigating, you were taking your time. Old buildings always interested you. Your flashlight shined on framed pictures and flyers posted on the wall.

“I think I see a way through,” Joel began. You turned to find him all the way down the hall. “But there’s spores.” You jogged to catch up. He was standing in front of a large hole in the wall blocked by a filing cabinet. He put on his mask, then waited for you to do the same. “Put your mask on, (Y/N).

“It’s just us, Joel.”

“What if we run into someone.” He stated firmly. The irony of living through the bite of an infected is that it can prove life threatening if a human found out.

“Fine.” He watched as you slid the mask in place over your head.

“You haven’t told anybody new, have you? You’re friends?” He asked. 

“No, of course not.” You answered.

Joel was protective of your secret but he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous as well. He knew that his relationship with you would be less special if others knew as much as he did. He discreetly cherished being the only one who knew certain things about you. You were kind of offended when he asked, though. You agreed a long time ago that it should be kept a secret, so why would he think that you would slip up like that? 

The two of you made it through a room of Clickers, slaying them with ease as a team. Joel walked ahead of you into the next section of the hotel. You followed as he squeezed through a narrow space between the walls. Suddenly, you heard a deep roar before Joel completely disappeared. You screamed out his name. It happened so fast. You flashed your light through the newly made hole in the wall. Through it, you saw that Joel was snatched by a Bloater. For a moment, you were frozen. It was the first time you’d seen a Bloater up close. You’d heard stories about them and you’d even seen one roaming around with the scope that Tommy gifted you. It was the most disgusting thing you’d ever seen.

With a rush of adrenaline through your veins, you pulled out your gun. All the shots did was distract it from Joel. It was faster and stronger than you thought. The confidence that you usually had from being immune quickly faded. You soon realized how small the enclosed room was as you were running away from the thing. Joel did the same and shot at the 7 foot fungal mass as it began to throw spore bombs at you. They did nothing but blind you for a moment. It soon stopped attacking you and switched back it's attention to Joel. He was too slow and the Bloater grabbed a hold of his neck. It looked like it wanted to tear his head off of his body. You screamed his name again before unsheathing your katana. You got a running head start and tried to slice the monstrosity down. You tried your best to imitate the master swordsmen you’d seen in samurai movies, but the flesh was too thick. You glanced toward Joel as he struggled. Veins were popping up around his neck and temples. He was trying his hardest to loosen the Bloater’s grip, but nothing he did helped. You threw the graceful swings to the wind and started hacking at the Bloater like a butcher. It wasn’t the best knife to do so with, but it was better than the dagger on your right hip. The arm holding Joel’s neck fell to the ground after your blade sliced through it. The Bloater began to falter which exposed it's other arm for you to chop off. Joel was finally released from it's grasp. He fell to his knees as you maintained focus on the monster. You continued to frantically slice and chop at any angle you could get at until it fell down on its back. You took the handle of your katana in both hands and drove it straight down into the heart of the beast. Blood and spores splattered all around you. It exuded a low roar. Still, you continued.

Joel had finally regained his strength and cautiously approached you. At this point, you had moved on to it's head and tried to cut through it's thick neck. Joel placed a hand on your shoulder as if to tell you to stop, but you carried on. He called out your name in a raspy voice. Finally, you stopped and dropped your arm to your side. You let out a shaky breath as he turned you around to face him. Through his mask, Joel glanced you up and down to make sure you were alright. Your eyes were crazed and blood was painted across your whole body like a Jackson Pollock painting. 

“C’mon.” Was all he said. The two of you walked out of the room and didn’t stop until you made it to a room where the spores were clear. You pushed Joel down onto a couch and ripped his mask off to look him over. “I’m fine, darlin’.”

You disregarded his comment and continued to look for signs of injury. “Joel, you almost died.” You made sure he was looking into your eyes when you said that. Your crouched down in front of him and held steady onto his knees. “I could have lost you.” You thought back to the lyrics of that song he sang that night in your living room. 

You thought about how living in the comfort of a fortified settlement led you to take the time you had with him for granted. You knew that life was still dangerous. Joel risked his life everyday to go out and patrol. What if he was alone or with someone less experienced in melee combat. He could have died before you had a chance to forgive him. He could have died and you would have never been able to express all of the feelings that were lingering in the back of your mind while you were avoiding him. He could have gone out to patrol and never come back. Then where would that have left you? A sense of dread washed through your body as you imagined a life without him. It was a pain you had never sensed before and it was too much to bear. Hot tears began to fall down your face, one after another.

He reached out a calloused hand and rested it gently against your cheek. “I’m here, (Y/N), I’m right here”. You leaned into his hand, a mix of blood and tears rubbing off onto it. “Ain’t nothing a solid night of sleep won’t fix.” He tried to convince you. “How about we call it a day and go get them supplies another time?” You could only nod in response. 

The ride back home felt extra long. The two of you rode up to the stable and left the horses. Joel watched with tired eyes as you walked off in another direction. For a moment, he forgot that the two of you weren’t living together. All he wanted to do was relax and comfort you.

The house was dark when you entered. You didn’t bother turning on any lights as you made your way to the bathroom. You let the hot water steam up the room before getting into the shower. You watched as the blood and dirt slid down your body and circled the drain. You lifted your face and placed it directly under the shower head, wondering if Joel was doing the same. 

Later that night, you fell asleep. A white glow was cast in your room from the moon. Tears began to stream down your face as little whimpers escaped your lips. The memories of earlier that day played in your head but this time you weren’t there to save him. It was frustrating. You could see him getting attacked but something was keeping you from moving. The Bloater clawed at Joel’s face, trying to rip it apart. First, it got past the mask and Joel had no choice but to breathe in spores. You could see the struggle and fear in his face as clear as day. His eyes were bloodshot and veins traveled from his arms, past his neck and up to his forehead. You could feel yourself screaming his name, but the sound did not come out. He couldn’t hear you begging him to fight back. The Bloater got its hands in Joel’s mouth and pulled. You didn’t want to watch, but you couldn’t shut your eyes. The tearing of flesh and cracking of bones mingled with the Bloater’s roar. The disgusting sounds filled your ears as Joel’s head was torn from his body. The monstrous thing carelessly flung it to the side but held on tight to his body with it's other hand. It, then, let out this deep bellow that sent shivers across your body. You felt those shivers as you shot up from your bed. You were beginning to break out in a cold sweat. It was hard for you to breathe. There was this lump in your throat that you couldn’t get past. You threw your legs over the edge of the bed so the cool air could touch your skin. You rocked back and forth while gripping the corner of your mattress. The roar was real. You could still feel the vibrations that it caused in the room. Dread once again washed over you like a veil and your heart ached like never before. The tears spilled out of you as you cried. You wanted to let it all out because it hurt to keep it all in, but crying caused your hyperventilation to worsen. You were stuck and didn’t know what to do about it. The tears kept coming regardless. The only thought that crossed your mind was that you couldn’t save him. The whole thing felt so real that you found yourself confused. Was riding home with Joel the dream? Was the nightmare true? You threw on your shoes and a sweater before leaving your house. It proved not enough as flurries of snow began to fall from the sky. You wrapped the sweater closer to your body and walked down the street. 

Joel never fell asleep. His body was tired, but his mind was wide awake. He drank a couple glasses of cheap whiskey that he traded for a while back in hopes that the buzz would make him dreary. All it did was make his head pound. He preferred coffee to that bottle of whiskey, but the caffeine wouldn’t have helped. He glanced out the window and saw the snow falling down from the night sky. He left the kitchen and decided to light a fire. After letting the wood burn for a moment, Joel made his way to the couch and sank into the cushions. Just as he elevated his feet on the coffee table, he heard a knock on his front door. He let out a weary sigh. He expected it to be Tommy, as he was the only one who would visit so late. He contemplated whether he should feign sleep and ignore it. It can wait ‘til the mornin’, he thought to himself. 

You stood on the other side of his door, waiting for an answer. The shades were drawn, so you couldn’t tell if anyone was in. Waiting out on his dark, cold porch did not help ease your suspicions. You looked at the wooden rocking chair that Joel sat in the night he told you that he would have done it all over again. You remembered that look on his face when he told you. After another moment passed, you brought your hand up to knock again. Just as you did, the door opened. You were face to face with Joel. It was a welcome surprise for the both of you. Without words, Joel moved to the side, allowing you space to come in. You walked all the way in and he followed until you stopped in front of the fireplace. He gazed down at you, waiting for you to say something, do something. You played with your sleeves as you slowly took in his body. It was real. The ride back was real. He was real. 

He could tell that you’d been crying. He was about to ask if you were ok when you closed the space between you two and hugged him. Your arms wrapped tightly around his middle. You laid your ear against his chest to feel his heartbeat. Joel returned the embrace. “I’m here,” He said. Many moments passed before you lifted your head to finally look at his face. He looked directly into your eyes and it was as if he bore into your soul. You gently took his face in your hands before kissing him. At first, it was chaste; a quick and cautious touch. With Joel’s hands still on your waist, he pulled you closer. You took that as an invitation to go deeper. You thrived in the way his lips responded to yours as each successive kiss grew longer.   

[theoriginalladya]

Oohh! Writing prompts! “I’m here, you are safe now.” Shepard & Kaidan and children?

On AO3 here

Thank you for this one!  It ties in with an idea I’ve been toying around with for future Caleb/Kaidan and kids!  Well, at least one kid! lol  Not sure what I did with the link to the prompt list but oh well.  Enjoy!

~~~

 At the tender age of sixteen, she runs like the wind.  Niamh Shepard-Alenko, once she gets an idea into her head, focuses almost to the extreme to achieve it.  The goal is her challenge, the target her accomplishment.  

In this particular instance, it has taken her a year but she has slowly, methodically worked her way to the top of the cross country team at school.  Diet changes.  Physical conditioning.  Psychological training.  Long talks with Papa and Daidí seeking any and all advice they have.  All of it.  

As a result, her time isn’t just her personal fastest, but the second highest in school history.  Coach Riley is even talking nationals this year, and she’s only a sophomore.  Where running and distance are concerned, Niamh is fast becoming an expert.

The only thing she cannot outrun, however, is herself.

Long curls of gold-shot reddish sunlight stream out behind her, flailing wildly and tangling in the air around her.  Her breathing comes in rough, labored gasps more like a novice runner than someone at the top of her craft.  Ahead of her, she searches desperately for a finish line to this race, but all she sees instead is a door to a tiny room with a lock to hold her in and no way out.

“Niamh!”

Panic grasps hold of her heart, squeezing relentlessly.  “No!” she chokes, a burst of energy fueling her legs forward.  

It’s just Papa, a soft voice in her head reminds her.  He of all people will understand.

But he won’t, she’s almost certain of that.  It’s a shame, really, but she continues on ahead, demons chasing her heels.

“Niamh!”

This shout, nearer than the other, catches her off guard, distracts her, makes her steps falter as she looks over her left shoulder.  Horror fills her from head to toe.  “Daidí,” she whispers, one hand rising to cover her mouth. For just a moment, she forgets to run, forgets what happened, and stares as he runs in her direction.

Since the war, given medical advances and surgeries, and time and love from family, he’s managed to heal.  Her memories of those early days, back in Ireland are hazy, mostly to his doing; she knows this.  The love and care both he and Papa have shown her and Tadhg have gone a long way to help them heal.  And if there is one word she always uses to describe him, it’s strength.  She will never forget the night his arms found her, wrapped tightly around her and scooped her from the depths of the River Shannon, pulling her to safety.

But in this moment, despite everything he’s been through, all she sees is pain. A sharp, piercing pain fills her chest, the guilt nearly bringing her to her knees.  She throws out her hands, pleading through her tears, “D-Daidí, stop!”

Their eyes meet and his pace slows, but it’s not until he’s within a few feet of her that she recognizes the truth; the pain in his eyes, the limp in his gait. The man who is always at the finish line cheering her on loudest.  What harm has she brought to him with her behavior today?

He stops a few feet from her, respecting her space.  It’s not completely unexpected, but she appreciates it nonetheless.  “A stór,” he rasps, struggling to draw in breath, “what’s wrong?  Why did you run?”

A movement off to her left alerts her that Papa has caught up to them.  He stops further back to allow Daidí to do the talking.  Her eyes flicker to his for a moment, notice the concern there, but he holds back. The ache doubles in her chest at the hint of uncertainty, something she rarely sees in him these days … until today.

“I – .”  She stops, pulls her lip between her teeth and worries it back and forth, her gaze shifting back and forth between the two of them.  “Did Tadhg tell you?”

“About school?”  Caleb nods. “What of it?  So you lost your temper?”  His lips curve upward fondly, love shines from his eyes as he watches her. “You’re a true daughter of Éire, a stór.  It happens to the best of us.”

Tears stream down her cheeks in a flood at his casual acceptance, but she shakes her head back and forth.  “No,” she insists.  Her eyes dart over to Papa again.  He is closer now, his eyes focused on her.  Concern now blends with sorrow in his warm brown eyes.  He knows!  Running her tongue across dry lips, she lifts her hand, holds it in front of her so that they both can see even as she stares.  She’s still not one hundred percent certain what caused it in the first place, but she knows the why.  She wiggles her fingers back and forth slightly, thinks back to class that afternoon and tries to recapture the moment when the first strange tickling flickers of dark energy came seemingly out of nowhere, surrounding her, enveloping her …

“Please,” she begs, eyes closed but she can feel it return in response to her summoning, “I – I didn’t mean to –.”

Daidí’s arms are around her before her knees touch the ground.  The tears give way to huge, gasping sobs as she folds herself against him. Papa approaches from her other side, his arms joining Daidí’s.

“Niamh,” Papa whispers, “hush.”  Gently, carefully, he combs his fingers through the tangled curls now hanging limp around her face before pushing them behind her shoulder, out of her face.  “It’s going to be okay.”

“But it’s not!” she sobs.

“Niamh, it’s alright,” Daidí murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.  “We’re here now and you are safe.  We promise.”

She pushes hard against their chests, breaking free of the embrace.  The dark energy slithers through her body now, enveloping her fully.  “How is this safe?” she wails.

Papa and Daidí share a look before each takes a sure step toward her. Niamh is bewildered and a little frightened – not of them, but of herself, of what will happen because of this.  She knows what biotics are, she knows the limitations they bring with them.  As much as she loves her fathers, she does not want to be a soldier like they were; and yet that now appears to be her only future.

Daidí gently takes her hand in his, squeezes it and tugs her close once more.  Exhausted, drained and more than a little frightened, she is just willing enough to follow his guidance without question.  “A stór,” he murmurs reassuringly, “your Papa has dealt with being a biotic for far longer than you have been alive. Trust him; he knows.”

She sniffles, relinquishing her hesitations as she wraps her arms around him. “But I … I don’t want to be a soldier!”

Papa kisses her forehead this time.  “You don’t have to be one if you don’t want to,” he insists.  There is a shift of movement where Daidí releases her and backs up a step to give them both some space.  At this point, Papa kneels beside her and lifts his hand next to hers, dark energy surrounding his.  “You have far more choices available to you now than when I was your age, whether that be as a soldier, a teacher or something else entirely.”  

Niamh stares at their hands side-by-side.  There are noticeable differences between them, and yet so much about is the same. She wiggles her fingers again, stares in fascination as Papa imitates the move, watches the dark energy softly crackle and hiss, eventually intersecting as he takes her hand in his. She pulls her gaze from them a moment later and looks between the two men once more.  “Promise?” she whispers.

Daidí returns to her other side and reaches out both of his hands, one taking Papa’s and the other taking hers.  “Promise.”

Taking a long, deep breath, she pushes to her feet.  Standing between them, her hands still in theirs, she nods.  “Alright.”  She trusts both of them with her life, always has, and that isn’t about to change now.

“We should go,” Daidí says quietly, but with a smile.  Niamh giggles softly; she’s heard the jokes about him saying that over the years.  “I’m sure your brother and grandmother are wondering what’s wrong.”

[takadasaiko]

Growth and Comfort Do Not Coexist (a Veronica Mars oneshot)

FFN II AO3

Summary: When Logan and his Navy buddy get volunteered for the Career Day fair at Neptune High on the same day that Veronica is hired by Principal Clemmons for a case,  Logan's two worlds cross with some soul-searching results.

Notes: When I started this series the plan was to keep it as a pretty strict extension of canon, but after going through S4 again I feel like it's more accurate to say that it's a very subtle AU with most of canon intact. Most of the time, you may not even be able to tell, while others I'm going to splinter off a bit more. This is one of those times. I haven't finished the novels yet, but I understand that Logan provides a bit of backstory on how he joined the Navy in the second one. At least in spirit it lined up pretty closely with the head canon I was already getting attached to, so I decided to keep the head canon for this series. I'll try to let you know in any future fics as well if it splits for information I know was provided.

Growth and Comfort Do Not Coexist

One of the countless ironies in his life was that it had been his father that had started him on his love of quoting others to find his own way. It made sense, even if he hated it. An actor regurgitating others' words in his own voice and making a mint of people for doing so, but Logan hadn't stopped with movies. He watched everything, read more than admitted to in his younger years, and stored every word, every syllable that he could away in the library of his mind to work into his own vocabulary. He'd honed a quick wit and sharpened his tongue to a razor's edge of protection over the years. It hadn't defended him at home, but it left him ready to take on anyone outside of those walls willing to come at him. Anger had fueled him and made him deadly to the point that he'd driven off nearly everyone that was willing to challenge him for whatever reason.

Almost everyone, and those rare few that had remained had been his saving grace. All these years later he could acknowledge that. Duncan Kane who had been willing to walk off when he'd crossed that line into total jackassery, Dick Casablancas who had done what he could - if he even knew he was doing it or not - by harassing him out of the deep funks he fell in, and that shining beacon of light named Veronica Mars that had reminded him of his own mortality while simultaneously easing the sting of the wounds inflicted by his life. It hadn't always been easy, especially with Veronica. Aaron may have led him to a love of words, but as Logan closed the door to his convertible - tucked in a line of clunkers and high-end cars that made up the Neptune High parking lot - he knew that he never would have made it this far on words alone. He had always craved support. Needed it. And even after Veronica had left, fleeing the black hole that Neptune felt like at times, he'd found it.

He just wondered what kind of quote he could rattle off that could somehow find peace between his then and his now as he stood looking onto the high school that he'd graduated from, the life that he'd left so far behind in so many ways, but he was drawing a blank. No, this was what it was, and really he couldn't even trace it back to a place where he could remember agreeing to this potential powder keg of a day. The order had come down and he'd said yes sir like a good soldier.

"The rest of the squad and I have a bet going on just how much trouble you got into back in the day."

Logan turned to look at Dave Riley, one of the very few people on the planet that he would be willing to die for. He straightened, showing himself to be a good three or four inches shorter than Logan and skinny as hell. His strawberry-blond hair and green eyes that were too big for his freckled face gave him an air of innocence that Logan knew he used to his advantage. That Midwest drawl did it too. People always underestimate him, but Riley had scored even higher than Logan had on the ASTB-E - Aviation Standard Test Battery - which was saying something. He wouldn't have had anyone else watch his back in the air. Thankfully the Navy had agreed when they assigned Riley as his Weapons System Officer.

"Yeah? You really think it's a fair bet for you to weigh in on?"

Riley shrugged and flashed a wide grin that would have put anyone else at ease. Logan knew better. The more innocent he looked, the more shit Riley was likely to pull. "I'm just here to be the honest voice to deliver back anything I learn."

Logan snorted. "Uh-huh."

"Trust issues. You've got them, my friend."

"I've just known you too long."

"Maybe, but you do trust me."

"Doesn't mean anybody else should."

"Maybe I just want to see pre-bottom-of-the-barrel Echolls. They all saw you after you enlisted, but me? I saw you before and it was not a pretty picture."

Logan snorted, the corners of his lips quirking up as he caught Riley out of the corner of his eye. "Weird. See, I thought you were into me, because I kept telling you to fuck off and you kept coming back."

"You wish," Riley chuckled and shrugged. "Seriously though, what was I supposed to do? No telling what you would have done if I'd just left you there by yourself."

"Flunk out and drink myself to death?"

"Yeah, probably."

Logan finally turned to meet those amused, green eyes and his smirk eased out a little. "Rather have you at my back than anyone else."

"Better believe it, brother," Riley answered and reached up, ready for Logan to tap the back of his hand off of his in an old ritual. "You ready to go talk up the Navy to a bunch of teenagers that remind you of yourself?"

"'Originals cost more than imitations.' Suzy Kassem.'"

Riley snorted. "Yeah, yeah, I know. You're one of a kind," he chuckled as they started towards the building.

Logan flashed him a broad grin as his gaze swept the parking lot that they were walking through, finally falling on a familiar blue Hyundai that didn't belong there. Or maybe it did. Maybe a student there just had the exact same make and model of car that his girlfriend had. Coincidences happened. Sometimes. In theory, at least.

"Remind me again how we got roped into this?" Riley asked, drawing his attention back around.

"Pretty sure Wallace - Veronica's friend - put in the specific request. He's a teacher here."

"And here I am. Dragged in because of you," Riley sighed dramatically and Logan popped his fist against his shoulder, receiving a shit-eating grin and response dripping with false cheer in return. "And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else!"

"Logan!"

"Speak of the Physics teacher and he appears. Like magic," the man in question muttered, receiving a muffled laugh from his cohort as Wallace Fennel broke into a light jog towards them. "I hear we have you to thank for this," Logan directed at Wallace.

"I just put your name into a hat. No clue what had to happen to get a couple of aviators in."

Logan opened his mouth to take advantage of the oh-too-easy joke that Wallace had left open for him when Riley cut him off. "Technically, he's the aviator. I'm the Wizzo." Okay. So maybe he brought some of his Midwest propriety with him. There was a first time for everything.

"The what?" Wallace asked, tilting his head a little to the side in question.

"Weapons System Officer," Riley clarified. "WSO. Wizzo."

"Because we're in the Navy and we nickname everything," Logan popped off and tilted his head towards the man standing on his right. "Lt. Dave Riley. He literally watches my back."

"I shoot the assholes, Echolls makes sure we don't get shot by out-flying them," Riley added.

"So you're Goose?" Wallace asked.

"Yeah… just with less death."

"What do you need us to do, Wallace?" Logan asked, watching students filing in towards their first classes of the day.

"Are you going to hate me if I tell you that I didn't warn Clemmons it was you?"

"Pretty sure if you had he would have shut it down."

Riley straightened, interest piqued again. "And exactly why would this Clemmons fellow hate you?" It took less that two seconds for Riley to turn that inquisitive look on Wallace and, while Logan knew the man had to be able to keep up with Veronica in order to stay in her life as long as he had, it would have been nice to think that he didn't have to worry about fielding questions all day. There was a reason he didn't intentionally connection his life with the Navy to his life in Neptune with the exception of Veronica. Ah well. No turning back now. Good thing he was well versed in pretending things didn't phase him.

"I got some dirt," Wallace offered.

"And here I thought you came along to have my back," Logan grumbled, his glare sliding towards Riley.

"Always, man, but the rest of the squad is relying on me."

"Yeah, when'd you get promoted?"

"Even the squad leader has to own up," Riley teased, nudging Logan's shoulder as he strode forward. "Whatcha got for me. Wallace, was it?"

Logan did not like the look Wallace wore as he said, "How 'bout a trade? I'll tell you about the time Logan and one of the other guys from our class put the lit teacher's car on the flag pole -"

Riley's grin only broadened. "On?"

"On," Wallace confirmed, "if you tell us his call sign. Man will notshare. Can't be that bad, right?"

Logan snorted and started back towards the buildings, hearing a far-too-amused Riley agree to the terms and Wallace's story began. This was going to be a trip.

---------

Some days being a PI was exciting. An unexpected client dropped into the office with an interesting story, lots of holes in it that they didn't think you could possibly discover, and a whole puzzle to solve. And then other days it was your old high school principal who showed up with the Case of the Missing Lockbox. What was in the lockbox, she had no idea, just that it was connected to Career Day - she had zero recollection of having a career day at Neptune High. Wow. - and that it mustbe found.

And it was. Almost before Clemmons had finished rattling off his explanation of just how important it was. There was something in that someone needed and he needed…. Really, she'd lost track. Whatever the reason he wanted it, she found it hidden under a loose floorboard in the gym. The rest was history as soon as he'd signed and handed her the check. As soon as she found where Mac had gotten off to, she had no interest in sticking around.

At least until she spotted a very familiar figure standing at the Navy booth talking to an excitable teen about the F/A-18 Hornets that he flew.

Veronica felt her lips turn up at the corners without permission as she inched forward, waiting behind him until the kid was gone. "Take me to bed or risk losing me forever," she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

Logan turned, cringing as he did. "I swear, if I never hear another Top Gun reference today…."

"You can live a long and happy life?" she offered.

"Exactly. What are you doing here? I thought I spotted your car."

Veronica leaned against the booth, never breaking eye contact. "Oh, you know, solving cases. Stopping crime. Paying the rent." She waved the check in her hand in front of him.

"One of the kids steal something from Clemmons?"

"You know they did, but I fixed it." He snorted a laugh and Veronica cracked a full grin. "Wallace rope you into this?"

"He did. I'm a good friend. Please feel free to remind him of that at any and every possible moment."

She felt her playful smile soften a little, but a voice broke in from the other end of the booth. "Hey, V!" Riley called, offering a wave when she looked over.

"Look at you standing on two legs," Veronica returned and motioned at the potential recruits. "Ask him how he broke his leg a few months ago. Go ahead. Ask him."

"You're not helping," her boyfriend grumbled with feigned irritation.

Veronica turned back to look at him. "So you and Wallace are friends now?" she asked, circling back around to their conversation. "I like the sound of that."

"I like Wallace. I may have even won him over with this one. It's Mac I'm hesitant about. What'd I do to her?"

Veronica cringed a little. "I think it was Parker."

"Seriously? She knows Parker broke up with me, right?"

"There was something about me involved, I don't know. She's around here somewhere bolstering the campus security. You'd have to ask her."

"I think I'll leave it as one of life's many mysteries."

She laughed, inching in. Hell, she did love him in those Navy whites. Her hand reached forward of its own accord, fingers touching the fabric there and ready to curl into it to pull him closer to her, but he caught it before she could. "I'm technically on duty."

"You're technically on duty when you get home from deployment and haul me off the deck to kiss me," she reminded him, her voice low and he'd have to be an idiot to miss her meaning. Logan Echolls was a lot of things, but an idiot wasn't one of them.

"They give me some leeway there. Not so much when I'm telling kids why they should enlist."

"You telling them to get shot at for a living?"

"Hey, now. Technically I have never gotten shot."

"And you've jinxed yourself."

"It's really not as likely if they're on the ship," he answered, his smirk more cocky than she would have liked. She knew all too well that they had come under fire.

"You're not funny."

"Seriously? I hear you find me hilarious."

Veronica held his gaze, those perfectly thin lips of his stretched out into a smile that made her want to drag him back to some secluded corner right then and there, but she knew she couldn't. He couldn't. Or wouldn't. For all of Logan's flippancy towards authority in their youth, he'd found something sacred in the Navy. She wasn't sure if it was the authority, per se, or something deeper that was just reflected there. He'd grown up alone in many ways, even before his parents had died, and certainly without the usual limitations that most children received. He had never told her the full story of how he'd tumbled into the Navy of all things, but her working theory was that it had something to do with the structure and direction that it provided.

Whatever the case, he loved it. His job, his squad, every inch of it. He didn't just love it, he respected it, and for that reason he would respect the fact that he was there to represent it. Oh, if only sixteen-year-old Logan could see himself now. What would he say?

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Mars," he teased, drawing her attention around.

"There was nothing to say that it was inthe gutter, Echolls," she countered, grinning up at him.

"You need a mirror? All the evidence you'll need for - what do you call it? - a money shot."

Her grin grew as her voice dipped. "Usually fewer clothes for that."

"Give me a couple hours," he promised.

Veronica loosed a laugh out on a breath and leaned against the booth, her gaze drifting out to the crowd of kids. They looked like them years before in so many ways. In others, nothing at all. For the first time in a long time she found herself desperate to see the ghost of Lilly Kane dancing through the throngs of students, laughing and teasing and alive. She'd missed so much.

"So, your buddy Wallace told me about the car on the flagpole incident," Riley's chipper voice pulled her out of her thoughts, "but even as spectacular as that is, it couldn't possibly warrant that look."

Veronica followed where he was pointing to see a very nervous looking Van Clemmons standing with Wallace, the principal's gaze fixed on Logan who was chatting with a student.

"Oh, you know, started a few fights, kept getting charged with murders he didn't commit."

"There was more than one?"

"Well, only one in high school," she answered with a shrug. "Looks like you boys may get let go early. Hiya, Mr C."

The principal looked over on his way to the booth, startled and he mumbled something about a dangerous pair. Veronica snorted a laugh and looked back at Riley. "So how do you like the old stomping grounds?"

"It's an experience. Never thought I'd see kids driving Teslas and Beamers nicer than Logan's to class."

She liked Riley, but she didn't often get time alone with him. She wasn't sure if Logan intentionally kept his Navy and his Neptune life a little bit separate, but she did know that as soon as Clemmons could pry his students away long enough from the Navy table he would politely thank the guys for their time and send them on their way. If she wanted to pick Riley's brain at all, now was a chance she hadn't expected. "You guys met sophomore year, right?"

"Yeah. After you left." His gaze slid over to her. "You fishing for intel, Veronica?"

"Just curious. Tell me you didn't sign on to get a few new stories on him."

"Where Echolls goes, I go," Riley answered with a shrug, but as Veronica waited a little of the mirth washed off. He turned to meet her gaze fully. "A few fun anecdotes are one thing, but this? It changed his life. That's his story to tell, V."

She nodded slowly, turning back to find a missing Logan and Mac having appeared at some point, now patiently waiting with Wallace. Wallace started forward. "Hey, Veronica. Didn't know you were going to be here today."

"Missing something or the other," she answered offhandedly. "Where'd Logan go?"

"Not sure. Fair's wrapping up so the kids can get back to class. Clemmons let you guys go early." Wallace extended a hand. "Lt Riley—"

"Just Riley's good, after the stories I got from you." He happily shook the offered hand, his grin returning. "So if Echolls wandered off, who's the lucky volunteer to drive me back to my car at his place? Unless you have extra keys to the Beamer, V. I'd be willing to slum it."

"But would you be willing to stake your life on it if you wrecked Logan's car?"

"Fair."

"We can take you," Mac offered. "If you're parked at their place it's not too far out of the way."

Veronica shot her a questioning look before filing she dug in her purse for her keys and tossed them at Mac. "You two kids be good. I'll grab a ride home with Logan."

She watched Riley turn a funny sort of smile on Mac who fell into step with him towards the parking lot. She would have to file that away in things to figure out later. For now, she had a Logan to track down.

----------------

Veronica had been busy chatting with Riley when Clemmons gave them the all clear to head out - not a huge surprise and probably the reason Wallace had tried to keep quiet who he'd managed to snag out of the aviation department to come in - and he just needed a couple of minutes to work through the thoughts that he'd shoved down below the surface since arriving on the campus. The students had been called back into their classes and had left the halls deserted, Logan standing alone on the school crest with one hand stuffed deeply into his trouser pockets, the other holding onto his uniform cap.

He hadn't been here since graduation, not that many people made an effort at returning to their high schools, but Logan had made even less so. Hell, he wouldn't have bothered with his ten year reunion if Sean Freidrich hadn't released those videos of Carrie to his instagram account. He didn't have a lot of positive memories associated with it. Sure, early on he'd been popular enough. Money tended to do that in Neptune, as did prestigious parents. Logan had had both. Funny, he'd still had to face most of the battles that had rolled in alone. Especially the ones that counted for anything.

"Hey handsome," a familiar voice chimed behind him and he felt Veronica's hands touch the small of his back lightly as she circled around, her smile flirty and light. "Deep in thought about all the scandalous things that happened here?"

"Yep. I'm pretty sure we made out in that corner. That one too. Oh, and there's the infamous women's bathroom that you kept dragging me into."

"You liked it."

"I did."

Veronica circled around him and he couldn't help but feel his smile turned a little more real. Well, one good thing had come out of it all. Her.

"What are you really thinking about?" she asked, her tone a little less teasing now and damn her. She did see right through him, didn't she?

Logan felt his smile even out, the weight of his thoughts settling back into place from their momentary relief. He let the feelings roll around in his mind for a long moment until they got enough traction to form something like words. Another moment or two and they even started to make at least a fraction of sense. "I've been trying to reconcile who I was with who I am," he said slowly, tasting each word as it left his tongue to make sure it was the right one that best coincided with the emotions that had bubbled up like a geisser ready to shoot towards the sky.

Veronica was uncharacteristically silent as she settled in next to him, both standing on the emblem in the middle of the hall and looking down the long stretch.

"I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. It's easy to say I was young and stupid, but I think…. It used to be easier to keep it all separated. Even living here, when I dated Carrie…. It was different. She had no interest in the Navy. The two worlds were completely separate. Riles only met her maybe… two or three times."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. It was awkward and forced. In the end it was just easier to live two lives, but since you came back it's been… complicated."

He could feel her tense at his side and he risked a look. Well that wasn't a happy look. More of a hurt-desperately-shoved-under-irritation look. "Sorry I complicated things," she groused and Logan scrambled.

"That's not what I mean. I mean, it is, but not like that." He pulled in a breath, trying to find a way to express it in a way that she might be able to understand. "I mean I want Riles to know you. I want you to know him. I want to be friends with your friends and vice versa until they're ours. I just… don't know how to do that without opening myself up for a hell of a lot of shit toted out for everyone to see."

There was another moment of silence from her and Logan shifted from one foot to another, feeling exposed. Finally, he heard her draw in a breath. "'Growth and comfort do not coexist.'"

Logan blinked hard. "Ginny Rometty," he cited, surprise lacing the name.

"I guess? You had it as your voicemail one time. One of your inspirational quotes." Her careful smile flooded him with a sense of warmth. "Seemed to fit."

"Yeah," he breathed.

"I get it," Veronica murmured, looking back down the hall. "When I went to Stanford, I cut ties with everything. I didn't want the two worlds colliding. I never dated anyone for long enough for him to feel like he should meet my dad or anything. To come home. Even with Piz who knew so much of it. I just… kept it separate."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't think I wanted to be that person."

"I love that person."

A small smile tugged her lips out and she reached for the hand still stuffed in his pocket. "Can I ask you something?"

Funny, that question would have terrified him a decade ago, but he heard his response roll off his own tongue without reservation. "Anything."

"Why'd you choose the Navy? I'm glad you did. I've seen…. What it gave you. What it did for you. I just wanna know how you got there."

Logan pursed his lips and considered the question for a long moment. It wasn't the first time she'd asked and she wasn't the only one curious. Just earlier that day Wallace had tried to press Riley for it. Good man Riley. He'd run his mouth about a lot, but not when it counted, and this did.

And because it counted, he knew Veronica deserved to hear it from him.

"I was okay all summer," he started, feeling a little numb as he spoke. "I thought you'd come back. I thought we'd...do what we did back then. Fall apart, come back, try again."

"I transferred."

"Yeah."

"Without telling you."

"I got the hint," he murmured, trying not to sound too bitter. He tightened his hold on her hand in his. "I never really… learned how to process things, I don't think. Not things that mattered. Hell, my go-to when my mom threw herself off a bridge was to hire my best friend's ex girlfriend to prove she wasn't really dead." A mirthless chuckle left him and he felt her tighten her hold on his hand. "I fell apart. Hit bottom. I was on the edge of flunking out, drinking waytoo much, and then this asshole sat down at my table in the cafeteria and just started babbling on about the design of a jet. Honestly, I was so hungover I couldn't tell you what jet he was talking about. All I remember is telling him to fuck off and he thought it was hilarious."

"Riley," Veronica said softly and Logan nodded.

"Riley. He's a stubborn bastard. He kept on me until somehow we became… friends, I guess? Something close to it. Found out later we'd had a class freshman year. The one Wallace and I had where I lost the bet and went streaking through it?" Veronica snorted a laugh at that. She had rolled her eyes pretty hard at the time. "He saw something, through all the bullshit. I don't know why or how, but he had… faith. Ended up convincing me to join ROTC and it was the first time I think I really found structure in my life. I always thought it'd be exhausting but it was… nice, somehow. Not just some assholes that had no business telling me what to do getting off on it, but these people had my back. I eased off the drinking, got my grades up, and did what I had to to get my wings."

"That's… amazing."

"You hear me say Riley saved my life and sure. In the air, definitely, but before that. He got me in the air."

The bell rang. "I'm glad he did," Veronica said earnestly as the doors started opening all around them and she tipped up on her toes to press the briefest of kisses to his lips before the students started to flood out. "Let's go home."

He nodded, words escaping him in that moment as she took him by the hand and led him towards Neptune High's exit, the chatter following them out.

----------- 

It felt like a weight had been lifted off that Logan hadn't even known was there. He had always known what had drawn her into the life she lived, what had driven her to find an outlet for the questions that raged after Lilly's death, but that small, lying voice in his mind had told him that she'd be upset if he explained how he had gotten to where he was. She'd be hurt, thinking that he blamed her for finally scraping rock bottom. Or angry that he had. Whatever the case, it would be his fault and clearly it would drive a wedge between them.

But it didn't. Instead she'd taken it in stride, seeming to be more grateful that Riley had been stubborn enough to help him through it than upset that he'd crashed and burned after she had left. They had both done what they had needed, and they had needed it. As much as they'd loved each other they had been so young and so angry and hurt by the world around them. Jaded and pained in ways they couldn't work through together, not at that point. No, they had had to work on themselves, to find themselves, before they could come back together. And they had. Of course they had. Their story was epic.

Logan pulled the BMW around to park it on the street, brows drawing together at the sight of both Veronica's blue Hyundai and Riley's Mustang. "I thought he'd be halfway back to San Diego."

"Yeah, and I thought my car would be at the office…."

They slipped out of the convertible, finding the steps leading to the apartment empty of waiting guests. Logan heard Veronica's voice and glanced over to see her phone pressed to her ear. "Uh huh. Suuure," she answered with a wide grin. "See you in a sec." She ended the call and motioned towards the beach. "Riley forgot his keys in the apartment and Mac decided to wait with him."

Logan tilted his head and they started the short trek to find his Wizzo and one of Veronica's best friends sitting on a beach towel that must have been in her trunk, deep in conversation. Mac was the first to turn at their approach. "Hi there, Hollywood!" she greeted, her grin quick and mischievous.

And suddenly he knew what the conversation had been about. He locked eyes with Riley whose grin was a bit more sheepish. "Traitor," Logan muttered even as Veronica barked a laugh.

"You finally got it out of him. 'Bout damn time." She turned a clearly fake apologetic look at him. "It's not so bad. You've told me some of the other guys' call signs and they're a lot worse."

"It wouldn't have stuck if he hadn't been such a baby about it early on," Riley chuckled.

"Asshole," Logan huffed without any real spite in his voice.

"Yeah, you love me." Riley stood, brushing off his uniform. "I should head back. Good meeting you, Mac. Loved the story about the scavenger hunt. We should do it again sometime." He glanced back pointedly at Logan. "Cross the streams a little, huh?"

Logan rolled his eyes a little, but he knew the smile inching into place was going to give him away. It was nice to find some weird equilibrium between two pieces of his life. "C'mon. Let's grab your keys."

"Oh, wouldn't you know it?" Riley stuffed his hand deeply into his pocket and returned with his keys. "Oops. There the whole time. See ya next time."

Veronica snorted a laugh as Riley sauntered his way up the beach towards the road. "He's a sneaky little bastard."

"I warned you, " Logan chuckled. "He's been looking for high school stories all day."

"And freshman year of college," Mac offered as she stood, stooping back down to grab the oversized beach towel. "But he does pay well with stories from after you ghosted everyone. How did you stay in ROTC with some of the stuff you pulled?"

Logan flashed her a smug grin and Mac laughed, shaking her head.

"You wanna stay for dinner? We can order Thai," Veronica offered.

"I think we have chicken. I can cook," Logan countered.

"You cook?" Mac asked, the amusement still strong in her eyes. "This I have to see."

"I even know how to wash dishes," Logan countered.

Veronica nodded at the distant figure just reaching the street. "Bet we can grab Riley before he leaves. Swap a few more stories?"

"There's no stopping you now, is there?"

"Flood gates aren't open," she agreed.

"I'll go catch Dave," Mac offered and she was gone before either of them could get a word in.

Logan looked to Veronica, finding those clear and curious blue eyes on him too. "Did she just call him Dave?"

"Pretty sure she did."

"Huh."

They started up the beach towards their friends, Logan risking a glance at the woman he loved out of the corner of his eye and feeling a strange sense of peace washing over him despite what would likely turn into a one-up-manship of stories that evening. Growth and comfort didn't coexist, it was true. It had nearly killed him to find a way to survive everything life has dealt him, He couldn't go back and change the past, and he didn't think he wanted to. Without the struggles he faced, he never would have grown like he had, and that growth had brought him here. It had brought him back to her, and for that he would endure any pain.

-----

Notes:

Hat tip to @his-beautiful-girl_Beautiful_Girl for the Suzy Kassem quote and all of the fantastic folks in the VM Fic Club that were willing to help me find the best quote to use there 3

[sassysatsuma]

“This job it takes you, breaks you. Rebuilds the pieces but they don’t fit together the same."

Caught In The System: Chapter 33 - Lívstræðrir

Rated M

There was no idle banter in the rec room that evening.

The heavy, unnatural noises of the aircraft carrier seemed louder, more present than the new normal. An eerie quiet had descended on the men, where no one's voice ever reached anything more than a mumble. They were all exhausted, covered in ash and soot, broken and bruised. The missile had everyone shaken, but it was the absence of their medic that had truly caught their tongues.

MacTavish didn't know where he fit. Beside himself with worry, caught in a purgatory between the obligation to the men he loved and the woman he couldn't live without, he found himself being absolutely no use to either. When he should have been amongst them, a wave of reassurance in uncertain times, he faltered. Where he should have been by her side, he found himself ousted out by the medics who fought to try and stabilise her. There was no place for him to be, no words for him to say and so he loitered in the rec room doorway, back pressed against cold metal as he watched his men with worried eyes.

Every time he blinked, he could see her. They'd stretchered her off the chopper as soon as they landed, what little remained of the fatigues around her chest torn and bloody. She'd been so pale, so limp that he'd sworn his heart might stop in his chest. He'd wanted to reach for her as the medics bundled her away, in the confusion maybe he had, because suddenly Riley's hand had been at his shoulder, a strong squeeze that spoke enough sense to hold him back. Powerless, he'd watched them carry her further and further away, her white hand coated in blood dangling from the stretcher.

Read below or on AO3

Now, all there was left to do was wait, to find comfort in what little they all had left. But somehow MacTavish just couldn't allow himself that either.

"This is utter horseshit." It was almost jarring, the sudden outburst into an otherwise quiet room. MacTavish looked up as Toad stood, the young sniper still coated in a thin layer of ash. "We can't just sit around here like we're waiting for some fuckin' open casket."

"Chris... mate..." Archer's voice was hoarse, but oddly caring as a hand reached for his partner's forearm. Toad shrugged him off like he was red hot.

"What? You all really want to sit around and pretend like this is a done deal?" He took a step further into the centre of the room, arms open wide. "McCoy's still breathing, still fucking fighting in there. I for one am not writing her off. She sure as shit would hold out for us too, and every man in here knows it."

"No one is writing anyone off here." Ozone, fatigues still covered in her blood shook his head. "No one wants to."

"Then tell that to your face, Nick." Toad retorted. He marched back over to his bunk, kneeling by his pack until he retrieved a cheap looking bottle of whisky. Glancing over his shoulder, he waved impatiently at Roach. "Gary, get your ass up and bring some cups with you."

Between them, Toad and Roach filled the cups in organised silence, using everything that was to hand from the mugs from their packs to old canteens. Whisky was shared amongst every man in the room, all bar Ghost who MacTavish hadn't seen since they'd left the chopper, the lieutenant storming off before anyone could try to tell him otherwise. MacTavish was the last to receive his drink, along with a soft smile and nod from Roach. He took it in both hands like the cheap metal itself was a lifeline.

"To Bones, the toughest bitch to ever walk into this task force." Chris said with a stoic smile, mug held up at head height. "Get your ass back to us, ‘cos getting hurt's no fun when there's no one there to lecture us about it."

The room erupted into a chorus of her name, every man slinging back the measure of whisky in a single gulp. For MacTavish, the alcohol burned at his throat, but the tears that pricked at his eyes were something else. Forcing them back with a long blink, he cleared his throat, willing the emotions growing there to bubble back down with everything that he had. There was an odd moment of clarity in that darkness, caught somewhere between the whisky burn and the sound of his men talking in more than hushed tones at last.

The peace was short lived. Opening his eyes, MacTavish became acutely aware that he was not alone in the doorway, Trojan having imperceptibly slipped in to stand beside him, his arms crossed. He surveyed the Captain was an inquisitive look.

"And how is the good doctor?"

"... In surgery." MacTavish didn't doubt for a second that Trojan already knew that answer. Instead he turned his head, his features passive in the knowledge that he was still around his men. "What do you need?"

"You, as it happens. Captain Price opened quite the can of worms on your watch. Shepherd wants a full debrief."

"Now?"

"Now. Or did you forget the missile launched at American soil?" Trojan laughed, rolling his eyes. "There's a veritable shitstorm coming our way, John. The General needs to make sure that we, and by that I truly mean all of us, end up on the other side unscathed." He pushed off from the door way, a hand beckoning after him for MacTavish to follow. "So shall we?"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

After what had felt like an eternity since they got back to base, Lara finally got the all clear enough for her doctors to allow visitors. With the majority of the task force hanging back as a sign of respect, Roach made it a point of principle to be by her side when she needed him most.

No contact from his family had felt like rock bottom, a dark place and as close to breaking point as he'd ever reached. It had threatened to consume him with worry more than once, to drag him away from the very work that was sustaining him at this point.  

But it had been his brothers that had truly kept him going, who had prevented the wolf of despair to truly come baring down his door. The 141 and the deep bonds that bound them so tightly together were like life support, holding him up and keeping him breathing through it all. He'd found such a strength in that, a solace that before had felt unattainable. The ability to dust himself off and carry on fighting felt that little bit easier when he had Lara, Ozone and Toad at his side.

Now, one third of that support network was laid out unconscious in front of him.

He was caught in place, the muss of thoughts careering through his head too fast to truly make sense of. He was in limbo, trapped between wanting to be useful and wanting to shrink away and hide within his own thoughts.

In the end, the only real choice was to stay by her side.

Her skin was like porcelain, pale with a greyish quality. Dark bags shaded the orbits of her eyes, her body lying flat against the sheets, the plain eggshell blue fabric pulled up so that it was tucked neatly beneath her arms. Her body was wrapped in a white and grey speckled operation robe, her chest padded out with bandages to disguise the surgical wound beneath. She'd didn't look like McCoy, but rather a pale waxwork imitation, the soft sheen to her pallid skin a world away from everything he knew.

It was strange, seeing her so still. Oddly peaceful, though it was a forced kind of peace, artificial and false. There was no relaxed quality to her features, merely a blank one that silently broke Gary's heart when ever he looked at her. His friend was still there somewhere, buried beneath a spaghetti junction of tubes, cables and equipment. She was alive, stable, saved by medics just as brave as she was. And yet, for all of Toad's grand words earlier; her war was over. Busted open and almost lost to them completely, she was going home, leaving the 141 even though Gary knew that it would be the last thing she'd ever want.

That was what broke him the most. The thought of her waking up back home and him not being there to see her. The thought of her being alone without anyone who truly understood.  

Roach was used to being a brother. His sister back home drove him crazy, but in truth she had always been like a best friend underneath all the bullshit. Someone who he could tease and provoke and hate and somehow still adore and want to protect. He could still remember the feeling when he'd first met her, the day his parents came home from the hospital and placed her in his arms. He'd wrinkled his nose, oblivious to the responsibility he would feel for the tiny human he held as they both grew older.

With Lara, it was different. Gary loved her like she was a big sister, someone who in a way looked out for him in all the ways that he looked out for his own sister. She was his best friend too, someone who understood him even when he didn't have the words to express himself. She'd been the first person at his side when he'd been unable to reach his parents, the constant presence who would always check every bruise and scrape, no matter how much he tried to shrug them off. The friend who would sit and listen when he needed to vent, or who would sit by his side with a beer in silence if he needed that instead. The friend who trusted him enough to talk about everything, even the things that had the chance of destroying everything she'd worked for.

He and Lara might have been cut from entirely different cloth, but they were the same. It had felt good, to have someone with the same loves and values when he'd felt so far from home.

So far from who he should be.

She would have done the same for him, if their roles had been reversed. Somehow Roach knew that if it had been him who had taken the bullet, she wouldn't have left his side until he'd at least opened his eyes and proved that he was going to be OK. It was that thought alone that drove him to her side, to the uncomfortable, fold out plastic chair beside her bed. At this point, Gary had lost all track of time, not really bothering to check his watch and work out just how long he had been sitting there. Until their next mission, he figured that he had nowhere else to be.

There was a noise behind him, the creak of a door and the scuff of boots against plastic tiles. The medical personnel had accepted his presence at this point, coming and going around him with very little fuss. The sound Gary thought was simply a doctor doing their rounds, here to flick through a chart and check her meds before moving on to the next bay.

Instead, there was a heartbeat of silence, before an oddly soft, cockney voice rang out through all the quiet.

"She ain't going anywhere, mate."

Riley.

Off guard, Gary turned his head, looking to where the lieutenant stood behind him, his hands jammed inside his pockets. He was still in uniform, but his mask was gone, revealing a face that for all of its self confidence looked weary and just a little haggard. His eyes were bloodshot, bags nearly as big as Gary's darkening his under eyes.

A shadow of the figure that he usually cut.

"Like that makes a difference. She'd be sitting right here if it were either of us in that bed and you know it." Gary shook his head, returning his gaze to Lara. He heard Riley shift from one foot to the other behind him. "She gave us everything, man. It's about time we gave her something back."

"Yeah..." It wasn't the reply that he had been expecting, the breathy, exasperated noise final as Riley worked his way around the other side of her bed. He hung back, visibly discouraged by the cables and tubes that surrounded Lara, kicking back and leaning against the wall instead. For a long while, there was silence. The quiet had a heavy quality, an awkwardness that Gary couldn't quite shake. Riley wasn't a man to show concern or care lightly, but his presence in the room still spoke volumes. Although Gary knew more than most, he still didn't dare encroach on his friend, afraid that any words he might say would be badly received.

"She always was too good for us." In the end, Riley broke the silence first. His voice was oddly quiet, his fingers picking at the hem of his sleeve. With his head bowed he looked oddly soft, no longer the hard edged lieutenant that Gary considered a friend. "She's all fuckin' heart, always has been. But she's different... more..." He tailed off, shaking his head and finally meeting Gary's eyes. "... I wanna say softer, but it sounds like a bloody insult, y'know? Bones has some of the biggest brass bollocks out of all of us."

"Maybe that's the difference? She isn't one or the other, just a good mix of both." Gary shrugged. "All I know is that walking into Hell is gonna feel a whole lot shittier without her watching my back."

"Gonna drive her insane isn't it? Waking up out of the fight?" Riley paused, running his tongue across his teeth. A smile cracked his features. "Still remember when she did her shoulder in... worst fucking patient ever."

"Don't envy the doctors over there. Gonna have a hell of a job keeping tabs on her. Knowing Lara, she'll be back on the front lines before we know it."

"Maybe that's not something we want."

The bluntness of Riley's comment threw him and Gary paused, checking he'd heard correctly. His brow wrinkled in confusion and he turned to look at Ghost directly.

"Why wouldn't we want that?"

"...Because." Riley paused, shifting uncomfortably under his gaze. He squared his shoulders and straightened up, no longer leaning back against the wall. "I don't have to be your LT to tell you where shit is headed from here, mate. We're guys who are paid to run head first into suicide missions and somehow make 'em work. But the more Shepherd throws at us, the more our luck is gonna start wearing thin. Bones doesn't deserve to die in the mud like a bloody animal. None of you do. But at least this way... she's getting out, y'know?"

Getting out. Somewhere in between the war and losing contact with his parents, that was something Gary had barely even considered. He was trapped now, by both obligation and choice to keep on walking the path they were on, to follow order after order, dutiful and without question. They were all in the same boat, but with Lara's injury both her obligation to serve and her choice had been taken from her. She'd hate it, hate herself even and the mere thought of that made Gary's stomach twist uncomfortably. But she'd be safe, alive, healing. A part of his family would endure, would remember him if the worst was to happen.

Ghost was right. There was at least an ounce of comfort in that.

"... Besides..." Riley's voice cut into the silence again before Roach could voice his agreement. "Losing her? It'd fuckin' kill MacTavish."

Well shit.

If Gary had been blind sided before by Riley's desire to open up, then now he was completely and utterly wrong-footed. There was an unspoken understanding between those who knew Lara best that her relationships were off limits and in truth, most of what Gary himself knew was inferred rather than something he'd been told. Everyone knew about Lara and Riley and their ill fated encounters, but it was only Gary who knew that the pair had cared for each other past the sex, that they were friends rather than enemies. Gary had known that Lara cared for Riley deeply, had been there and helped her through the realisation of just how deeply she'd hurt him. He had guessed her true feelings for MacTavish too, had helped cover for them when necessary. That knowledge was a much more closely guarded secret, something that Roach had assumed was as unknown to Riley as it was the rest of the task force.

"How'd you know?"

"John's my best mate and Bones is as near as dammit the same, how could I not know?" Riley scoffed darkly, rolling his shoulders. "Lovesick bastards deserve each other, they always bloody have. Time was I'd get a kick out messing with that but now..." he paused, running a hand through his hair awkwardly as he hesitated. He lifted his head, eyes fixed on Lara as though Gary was little more than a fly on the wall. "... That's my family lying there all because one stubborn old arsehole can't follow orders. There aren't many upsides to this shitshow we're living Roach, but at least where Lara's headed no one's going to be able to fuck with her again."

"She's my family too." Gary could only shrug softly in agreement, his head hanging from between his shoulders. There was a weight on his back, a heavy stone that pushed against him and made it hard to swallow. "She knows that right?"

"It's that bad, eh, mate? Friendship advice from me?" Riley teased, although the sound rang out hollow to them both amongst the medical beeps that filled the room. The smirk on his features softened the moment he met Gary's gaze, his tired eyes filled with an alien gentleness that at any other time might have unnerved him. "She knows, Gary. Best you can do now is get some rest and look out for yourself. You know it's what she'd tell you too."

"... I don't want to leave her." The words came out as a croak that surprised even himself. Roach looked back to Lara, swallowing back the second half of his statement, unable to say the words. They had no idea when Lara would be shipped out, when the next mission would drag them all off base again. A part of him didn't want to leave her because he simply didn't want it to be goodbye already.

He was so distracted that he never heard the rustle of fabric as Ghost moved, not until he felt a firm hand squeeze at his shoulder. It was gone in a flash, almost awkward in a way and yet the solidarity behind it was never lost. "She won't be alone, mate. Now get your arse in a bunk before I have to make it a bloody order."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The room didn't feel any less heavy with Gary gone. Riley had expected it to, had thought that when he had the room to himself there wouldn't be that bitter cloud of regret and sadness hanging in the air.

But as door closed on Roach's heels, it became all too clear that the regret was all him.

He wanted to throttle Price, to have his throat in between his hands and watch as the life slowly squeezed from his lungs. Had Lara been dead, Riley doubted that he would have been able to stop himself. But as it was, Price was sitting shackled up somewhere far from the rest of them, contemplating just how many court martials could be thrown at a person. It would have been easier just to slot the bastard. They were at war after all.

He couldn't help but wonder how much Soap hated his beloved mentor right then. Was he swallowing back the same anger as Riley, hiding it behind the mask of the ever professional soldier that he always wore so well? MacTavish was a better man than him, the best friend that he trusted more than he rightly should trust anyone. But that didn't mean that Riley didn't hate the way he could just lock away the ugly parts that made him whole, to choke down all anger and resentment that walked in step with the life they’d all chosen to live.

He admired that quality as much as he resented it. Envied it maybe.

Not that Riley was all beast. Price was lucky that Lara was still drawing breath by the time his sorry arse crawled back out into the light. With trying to keep McCoy calm and conscious as Ozone fought to stabilise her, Riley had had no time to concern himself with beating the shit out of the old man. It was only when Ozone shoved him aside and out of his way that Riley even remembered Price. He'd got one good shot in, a decent slug that the old man hadn't even bothered to dodge. It had been enough to send him hurtling to the ground, nose broken as blood began to pour from his face. It had taken restraint that he didn't know he still possessed to slap cuffs on him in that moment and nothing else.

Sitting by Lara's bedside, Riley smiled softly to himself at the memory. Bones would have been so unbearably proud of him in any other circumstance.

The scars she'd left him with ran deep. He took her hand.

How was he still only just realising the ways she'd gotten under his skin? Why couldn't he have realised when it mattered, when there was still the time for him to be something more? It was a cruel, practical joke that fate had played on him, letting him spend years believing that he was little more than a still breathing ghost only to realise too late to ever properly come back to the land of the living.

He'd been as close to loving Lara as he could. He hadn't realised that until he tried to force himself to hate her, willed himself with everything he had and still not quite been able to manage it. He'd resented her, been frustrated, angry, dejected. He'd reeled from the unfairness of it all, felt sick with the knowledge that she loved John and not him, even though that knowledge had been with him the whole time they'd been together. Hell, it was half of the reason he'd got such a kick out of everything back at the start, knowing that with every visit to his bed he was being rewarded for the same recklessness his best friend warned him against. That rebellion had felt good, like he was winning some kind of argument, especially as McCoy's holier-than-thou halo slipped with every day that passed.

It had been the worst of him, to enjoy that. To let his envy and resentment fuck with the two people he cared for most.

It hadn't stayed that way for long, but he'd fought hard to lie to himself that his reasons for wanting Lara were as fucked up as they always had been. In reality, it had been hard to ignore the strength in her, the beauty in her resilience and determination. More than that, she made him laugh. Somewhere amongst it all, she turned into a mate, someone he trusted and cared for. Perhaps some of it was just the fact that she found the time to care about him too. She didn't walk on eggshells around him, was never afraid of him, showed him a reflection of a bloke he hadn't seen in years. It had scared him shitless.

But he'd loved her, in his way. Had never really stopped either.

"You're going to play Hell when you wake up, aren't you, Bones?" Riley laughed to himself, stroking absent minded circles into the back of her hand. "God... I'd pay to see it. Never known someone be a shittier patient. Doctors are going to have a grand old time trying to tell you to rest, eh?" A pause, as the levity suddenly dropped from his voice. "But... you've gotta listen to 'em, love. Don't put all of Nick's hard work trying to keep your arse alive to waste, eh?"

He could see it almost as clear as day, the stubborn furrow in her brow as she dissected the medical arguments thrown at her, the way she wouldn't rest until she was cleared and back in the fight. The beating she'd taken, even McCoy would be forced to admit that recovery wouldn't be overnight, but he could still see her, forcing her way through rehab like a woman possessed. She was a force of nature, a person who just didn't take 'no' for an answer. It was how she'd fit so easily into the 141. Only those crazy enough ever stayed.

"... I mean it, Lara." His voice was a whisper now, strained as though he was willing her to answer him. "You've got to make it. This isn't your fight any more. There's no winning in this job; it's just the same shit on a different day. But you can get out and do whatever the Hell you want. You can go back to being a doctor and save lives without ever having to worry about taking 'em again. Or go back to Sandhurst and teach the next generation of crazy bastards to be better than we were. You don't have to compromise any more. God knows, you've forced yourself to do that enough."

A lump grated in his throat alongside the words and Riley paused, bowing his head in the hopes that not looking at her might help. It didn't. Instead, the weight in his chest grew, rising steadily upwards to his throat. For all of his wise words to Roach seconds earlier, even he didn't want to imagine a task force without her.

"None of us will be the same without you, Lara. I hope you let yourself take the credit for that someday. You'll always be a part of the 141. I promise you… that's something that's never going to change."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

How had it come to this?

He was used to feeling sick to his stomach, disgusted with the man who met his eye whenever he eyed himself in a mirror. It didn't happen always, but it was there, an extension of his command that meant that he was forever a disappointment to the high standards to which he held himself accountable.

But it was rare for him to feel that same, stomach churning feeling when looking at someone he loved. Someone who was as close to a father as his own back home in Elgin.

John felt betrayed. Cast adrift, the bedrock on which he cemented so much knocked from beneath his feet. So much of the soldier he had become had been built on Price's lessons, on his no nonsense, practical attitude and the respect that followed him through Credenhill.

But this wasn't Price. It only looked like him, the silent, hunched over figure still cuffed as he sat alone in a makeshift holding cell. Through the small window in the door, MacTavish could see the blank expression in Price's eyes, the tired lines that framed them. There didn't appear to be any remorse, any regret, any frustration. He was simply held in place, awaiting judgement like a man who no longer cared what the future held for him.

MacTavish had never wanted anything more in that moment then to walk away. To go and be by Lara's side duty be damned. He'd been held away for so long, briefing after merciless briefing holding him hostage. It had been pure torture to be drip fed updates from Archer and Toad, to know that she was allowed visitors and was almost stable enough to be flown home. The man he wanted to be should have been with her, talking to her in the vain hope that his company might help. But MacTavish could only settle for the man he was, the Captain trapped by red tape and due process, somehow helping Shepherd and Shadow Company make sense of the utter chaos his mentor had left in his wake.

Now, MacTavish wanted nothing more than to hold onto his anger, to clasp Lara's hand in his and to feel the pulse still beating at her wrists. To reassure himself that against it all, she'd not been wholly taken from him, if only for a fleeting moment.

And yet he was here, still duty bound, still a man he chided himself for. Slipping into a room with a man he now loved and loathed all at once. He may have been there on Shepherd's orders, but his feet had their own agenda, driven by the need for answers to the questions he knew would plague him. He needed to understand, to confront the one man he thought he'd known inside and out.

He needed to know whether the John Price he loved was still there.

Price locked eyes with him the moment he entered, his head slowly raising from where he had been staring into the middle distance. There was the swelling of a bruise around under both of his eyes, an angry red line cutting across the bridge of his nose, rusty red flakes still littering his lips and chin. One of the lads had taken a crack at him in the chaos that had followed Lara's shooting. Soap didn't need to be a detective to work out which one.

"Soap." The voice that greeted him was a croak. It was neither a question or an apology.

"Was it your plan all along?" Soap hadn't expected the questions to come so fast, but as a grim line settled across his lips, he folded his arms, eyeing Price expectantly. He was uncomfortable to be in the same room as him, eager to get their chat over and done with as quickly as possible.

"...John..."

"Don't bullshit me, Price. I deserve better than that."

He was greeted by a heavy sigh and a defeated sag to Price's shoulders. The older man drooped back against the back of his seat, although his eyes slowly gravitated back up to MacTavish's.

"It was an... opportunity. A chance to level the playing field."

"And a chance to endanger millions." The words spat from MacTavish's lips. "What if the missile had made landfall, eh? What if the US had fucking retaliated before we got chance to stop them?"

"We're at bloody war! There's always a risk..."

"Civilians, John!" MacTavish could barely hold his temper, sick of the indifference that met him with every reply. He took a step forward, looming over Price with his fists clenched. The man never even flinched. "We're talking about innocents, mate. People we're fucking paid to protect. In what world can we put them at risk?!"

"A world where our biggest ally is bloody floundering." Price was up on his feet in seconds, hands still cuffed, although every muscle in his arms seemed to tense with the action. "Makarov wants this, can't you see? He wants as many people as possible with their eyes on the US, distracted. We needed something... anything to give the Yanks the upper hand."

“And this was the bloody answer?!”

“It was the only one I had.”

"... So you stayed fucking silent. You could have said something, planned this the way it should have been. You could have told me."

"... And put you at risk of collusion?" Suddenly Price's voice faltered, his anger lost. He looked at Soap, his cuffed hands flexing for a beat as though he wanted to reach out towards him. "... This way, the buck stops with me, son."

It was as though the wind had been knocked out of his lungs. MacTavish took a step backwards, unsteady, the small glint of emotion that now flickered within Price's eyes catching him entirely off guard. He opened his mouth to speak, but his words were lost to him whilst his mind fought to caught up.

He'd been so angry, so betrayed that he had never stopped to even consider that Price might be looking out for him.

"... How is she?" Now it was Soap who felt as though he was floundering. He looked up, meeting the older man's gaze, one eyebrow cocked as he waited for an answer. Ever since that ill fated night when Price had caught him leaving Lara's quarters, there'd been no mention of his fraternisation, the elephant in the room that neither had the heart to mention. For Soap, that look of disappointment in Price's eyes had been enough for him to never want to start that conversation, instead leaving it hanging like a loose thread between them. He'd thought that Price's pride and faith in him would stop him from ever really acknowledging it either, but locked in a room where they had both been laid bare, his old Captain was still able to read him like an open book.

Still, the look in the old man's eyes when he asked the question was as close to remorse as Soap had seen him get.

"Alive." Clammed up, it was all MacTavish could do but shake his head, a rough hand rubbing across the ridge of his mohawk, the shaved hair flanking it beginning to grow out and fade the distinct lines across his head. "Her war is over."

"Good." There was another awkward pause. "She fought hard today."

"She always does." Soap hesitated, running his tongue across his teeth. "She earned her place here, Price."

"Never questioned that, son." The expression that met his was hard to read, and in truth Soap could neither confirm or deny whether Price was outright lying to his face. After the events of that day, how could he be sure of anything? "I only question her place in your bed."

Somehow hearing the truth that they'd both chosen to blatantly ignore spill from Price's lips made MacTavish laugh. It was an almost surreal sound that wrong-footed them both judging by the way his mentor's eyebrows jumped in reply.

"We both know that Shepherd would have your balls on a platter, Soap."

"Out of the two of us, I'd say you have more to fear from Shepherd right now." The indignant smirk still plastered across his face, MacTavish folded his arms. "General has bigger fish to fry."

"And fucking about with your subordinates is still dangerous. In more ways than one."

"Still sounds a bit hollow from the man who totalled the ISS. But we're at war, right? There's always a risk?" It was petty, shaping Price's own defence to use as his own and yet MacTavish couldn't deny the powerful feeling it granted him. Deep down, he knew that Price would always have his back and defend him, from anything from collusion to his own, much more carnal mistakes. But it felt like an odd duality, how the man could risk so much for him and yet put the very people they prided themselves on protecting at risk. It was illogical, irrational even... the very characteristics that his mentor scolded him for whilst his hands were still cuffed for a much larger crime. "It doesn't matter... a few more hours and she'll be back in Birmingham, staring down those same ceiling tiles you and me learned to bloody hate. About as far from fraternising with anyone in this task force as you can get."

"Out of sight, but not out of mind, eh?" Price chided. "You need your head in the game, son. Now more than ever."

"Really? I'm the one who's bloody well lost it? Pot and kettle, Price."

"Don't be so naive. Or have you forgotten what I taught you? It's our job to walk a line, Soap. Make the tough calls, sacrifice one for the many. It isn't pretty, but that's why they keep it off the books. The dirty work that no one is ever going to earn a medal for. That's where wars like this are won."

"Maybe... but this is coming from the bloke who also taught me to respect the chain of command, listen to orders and get my men home alive. Where's that Price, eh? Or did he just happen to forget that today was my Op, under my fucking authority?" A scoff left MacTavish's lips, a flash of white teeth as his words tore into Price. Gone was his rage from before, instead replaced by something far more vengeful. He was an injured animal, lashing out at the perceived source of all his pain, ripping into him with whichever weapon he knew would cut deepest. "I read McCoy's report, y’know. Quite the fucking write up, believe me. It was your head she had concerns with, no one else's. Recommended psychological tests, the lot. Shepherd over ruled her, had me back him up because I couldn't believe that the strongest bloke I knew would be compromised... And yet here we fucking are."

He finished with a flourish, indicating down to the cuffs clamped around his mentor's wrists. When he looked up again, the eyes that greeted his were suddenly so much older, tired and exhausted. The stiffness of Price's back wilted and his posture changed, his face crestfallen as his shoulders dipped under the weight of MacTavish's words. They'd been quiet and resentful, designed to punish and he was rewarded with just that.

It didn't feel good, like he'd hoped. If anything it only made his heart ache more.

"... Haven't been whole since the day they took the regiment from me." It was a long time before Price spoke, his words more a mumble than anything else. Every syllable stung. Price's head hung from his shoulders as he spoke, as though the very emotion in his words made him unable to meet MacTavish's gaze. There was another long pause, followed by a slow, rasping sigh. Heavy eyes finally lifted to meet his. "Maybe I'm not right in the head. Maybe it's been that way longer than I want to admit. But don't you think for a second that means I stopped caring about what was right, about what was bloody important. Caring about you. I didn't ask for how today happened, but every single person on that battlefield knew exactly the kind of odds they were walking into. Maybe it's about time you stopped and thought about that too."

"Those people on the ISS, they knew what they were walking into too? How about any civilians caught in the crossfire? You can try and make this about Bones all you want, Price. But the fact of the matter is, what you did, the chain of command you ignored? It's inexcusable regardless of who took a bullet or not."

"Maybe, but I decided to live with that. I'm not asking for your blessing here, just for you to keep your head on your shoulders when your men need it most."

"Thank God for your wisdom." MacTavish let out a dark laugh. He clenched his jaw to prevent any further rebuttal, every inch of muscle tightening in his neck, his teeth grating. They were going in circles now, Price resigned to the consequences of his actions but still believing they were justified. MacTavish would never change that belief, no matter how much his mentor's blatant disregard for all that they had once held sacred stung. They were at an impasse, caught between each other's stubbornness to back down when in reality all that mattered now was Shepherd's final judgement on how to proceed.

"You're never wrong, are you John? You never misjudge, never make a mistake?" MacTavish sighed. "Time was I used to think that was strength. Now? I see you're just as shit scared as the rest of us."

"Soap..." He'd already turned on his heel to leave when Price finally spoke out. "Where the Hell are you going?"

"Anywhere but here. Turns out I can't always be the bloke you taught me to be."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Obligation and duty forgotten, Soap's legs finally carried him to the place he should have been all along.

It shouldn't have been a surprise to find Riley sitting by her side, but it caught him off guard all the same as he stepped into the room. The lieutenant gave him a once over from over his shoulder, although his eyes quickly fell back to McCoy's sleeping form. The hand that had been holding hers had retreated the second he'd entered the room.

"How is she?"

"Stable. They're keeping her under. Doctor's want her home, they're even talking about shipping her out as early as tonight."

"Tonight?" MacTavish's surprise gave him away. Somehow he'd thought he'd have more time.

"Still a war on, or there was last time I checked. Shepherd wants her out of here ASAP, wants to free up the medical personnel." Riley smiled, although somewhere along the line it became sad where it should have been smug. "Funny, would have thought you'd known about that with Shepherd pissing in your ear all day."

"You've gotta know that I wanted to be here, mate."

"It's not me you need to convince though, is it?" Riley shook his head. "Sometimes there's bigger things out there than command and duty, you know?"  

Ghost had him there. MacTavish opened his mouth to speak, but any rebuttal felt hollow. He didn't have the fight left in him, his heart allying itself with his friend even if his brain stubbornly thought otherwise. Instead, he nodded, took the criticism head on and swallowed it with everything he had.

"Thanks. For being here when I wasn't, Simon."

"Didn't do it for you." Riley slowly stood and turned to him. Although blunt, his words weren't unkind. "Found Roach in here about to pass out, figured I'd send him back to his bunk." He shrugged. "I thought someone should be 'ere, so I stayed."

"She'd be honoured, mate."

"Maybe." Clearly uncomfortable, Riley ran his his tongue across his teeth. "You speak to Price?"

"Yeah."

"Any more pearls of wisdom from him?"

"No..." MacTavish sighed. "He's still convinced he did the right thing. Worst of it is, by all reports so far... he was right. American army is digging in and pushing back. It's not his motives I question, but his bloody methods."

"Man's a fucking loose cannon. Had Bones had her way, he'd have never been out there today." Riley folded his arms. "Those kind of calls are above my pay grade, but I agreed with her 100%. So did half the task force."

"What was that you said about command? Don't know about you, but all I remember was a lot of bitching in that Ops room, but not a word of outward opposition to either my, or Shepherd's authority." MacTavish frowned, the piercing headache that had begun to throb beneath his temples coming to the forefront. He was fighting back like he always did, but it was a knee jerk defence when in reality hindsight told him Riley was right. There was so much to regret, so much to be accountable for, but he didn’t need another fight with his best mate to help him see it. "What's done is done, mate. Best we can do is try and pick up the pieces. If things had been different..."His gaze slipped to Lara, voice completely unable to voice an alternative. “… It just doesn’t fucking bear thinking about.”

"Think you can forgive him?"

"Could you?"

"Never, but you're a better man than me." Riley's words were nonchalant. He was still agitated, visibly so, but he was also backing off, saving his anger and concerns for a different day. It was a shade of the best friend MacTavish hadn't seen in years. Or maybe Soap truly did just look that tired after all. "Say your goodbyes, mate. God knows, you've waited long enough."

The room plunged into silence with Riley gone, punctuated only by the rhythmic beep that denoted Lara's heart. It was odd that the first thing he noticed was how much cleaner she was than when he'd last seen her, bathed and pristine and oh so clinical. She looked young and removed, her face set into the mask of a woman he only just recognised.

Taking Riley's abandoned seat with a grunt, MacTavish became acutely aware of how stiff his muscles had become. As he sat beside her, they relaxed a little all as one, groaning with the effort. He hadn't even realised how tightly wound he'd been, how strongly his fists had clenched at his side through endless debrief after debrief.

He should have been more. Should have been there and yet it had almost been easier not to be. Once he'd known that she was stable, a weight had been lifted, but replaced by a fear of just exactly how he would feel confronted by her sudden frailty. If he allowed himself to admit it, there had been an ounce of comfort in that, in delaying the inevitable.

Now that he was here, that inevitability was regret. Sadness. Grief. An unbearable fear that this would be the last time he'd ever see her and she'd never even remember.

Maybe he'd hoped she'd be conscious, hoped that he'd be able to kiss her and give her one last verbal memory of exactly what she meant to him. That in that moment he would have stopped being a coward, stopped burying himself behind his Captaincy and would have finally let the true John MacTavish back into the driving seat, if only for a moment.

But maybe didn't count for shit right now.

Reaching into his pocket, MacTavish pulled out a familiar weight, a loop of strung wooden beads with a weighty silver crucifix attached. His Grandfather's rosary, one of the few treasures he allowed himself to keep. He hadn't prayed with it since he was a teenager under his mother's instructions, but he'd carried it with him every single day since. It was a good luck charm of sorts, a reminder of family and faith and the man he'd left behind. It had never meant what his parents had wished it to mean to him, but that didn't mean that it had never brought comfort to times where it felt as though there was none to be found.

MacTavish didn't need luck anymore. He figured that where he was headed there would be very little of it to be found. He was in this fight until it reached it's end and no faith or reminder of home was ever going to change that.

Not without her at least.

In a slow, deliberate movement, he reached forward and wrapped the rosary around Lara's right hand, winding the beads as delicately as possible between her fingertips. Tightening her grip on the beads as best he could, he leaned in closer, pressing the softest of kisses to her knuckles. Her skin was warm, but he would have given anything to feel her fingers flex at his touch.

"I love you, Lara." His words were a whisper, an admittance to himself though he wished that she could hear them too. He'd known for so long, had kept the words to himself for fear of what they represented. He'd bottled everything up as he always did, scared to love and even more terrified to lose. And yet he was losing her anyway, being robbed of the person who reminded him of everything he'd once wanted outside of the military.

It was his own fault that he'd never hear her say those words back. Just like Price, those consequences would stay with him through whatever trials came next.

He didn't have it in him to say goodbye. Instead, he pressed closer, a hand enclosing hers and the rosary beads. The tears he’d held back since the shooting finally pricked at his eyes and finally alone, he let them fall. He bit his lip, still trying to be strong in front of her even now, at a time when even she would have chided him for it. He was tired, in pain, overwhelmed under the weight of his command and everything in between. He needed his confidante, needed the person who understood him better than himself. In that moment he was every bit the headless idiot that Price had warned him not to become.

He couldn’t break, wouldn’t let himself until the job was done. But finally alone and finally free, John MacTavish at least allowed himself to feel.

Resting his head on his other arm, he lay uncomfortably at her side, seeking comfort in the warmth that radiated from her still body. He closed his eyes, clinging to the memories of her smile and laugh and trying his best to tell himself that they were real.

He hoped that she'd understand. He'd hoped that she'd forgive him, that she'd remember the man he wanted to be, rather than the man he always was.

He hoped.

[lanternlightseer]

The Ultimate GMW Essay

Introduction, 1990s Issues & Personal Background

During the 1990s Micheal Jacobs birthed a cult classic entitled Boy Meets World following middle child Cory Matthews (Ben Savage) and his friend Shawn Hunter (Rider Strong), and Cory's girlfriend, Topanga Lawrence (Danielle Fisher) navigate adolescence. Sevens seasons later in 2001 the show ended and fourteen years later Jacobs created Boy Meets World's sequel, Girl Meets World. A gender-flipped Boy Meets World had more difficulties other than airing on Disney Channel. Cory's daughter, Riley (Rowan Blanchard), and her friend Maya Hart (Sabrina Carpenter) had near impossible expectations to meet. Jacobs' goal was producing a show for teenagers growing up in our technological and politically divisive environment. A laudable goal but Jacobs didn't need to return to the Boy Meets World universe; he returned to it due to nostalgia. "[…] To watch as Riley grows up and Cory and Topanga keep growing up. I can't resist that." Why did Girl Meets World underperform? Simple, it was an overreliance on telling over showing.

I watched the sequel for the Boy Meets World characters, in fact, my expectations were so low that even the okay episodes surprised me by the effort put in them. Every criticism my generation had with the sequel can be summed up with character retconning. Cory was George Feeney 2.0, Topanga was the wife and mother with little mention of her law career. Shawn was demoted from secure young man to broken man. 'Seven the Hard Way's conclusion came true in this show. Cory and Topanga only have a few friends, Shawn and Angela permanently broke up, Jack fell out of contact with Rachel. Original Cory and Topanga would never play favourite among their children and their friends. Shawn wouldn't need a girlfriend to fix him anymore and would prefer his goddaughter before her best friend. I was expecting for Feeney to say, "It's been nice see you all. Next time I'll see you at my funeral" and for Eric to say, "I married a moose. We don't need counseling." Will Friedle is the only actor that looked happy to return to this show.

Personal Background

I loved this show and besides Adventures of Pete & Pete BMW was my favorite show. In order, my favorite episodes are: 

And Then There Was Shawn

Chick Like Me

Raging Cory

Cult Fiction

As It Ends

Despite all of this, Shawn/Angela (Shawnangela) retconning I hated the most. In interviews, Rider Strong said that Jacobs begged him to reprise his old role. Rider agreed if he and his brother directed some episodes and Rider appeared in six episodes total. Rider appeared the happiest when he was with Savage, the rest of the time he didn't look like he was trying. Which explains why there was little chemistry between him, the teens, and Katy. Rider also said that he hated Jacobs rewriting Shawnangela's romance for Shaty (Shawn/Katy). Trina McGee, the actress who portrayed Angela, with Strong brought their displeasure up; McGee was never invited on the show after 'Hurricane.' McGee and Strong hated Shaty because of the implicit racism behind Shaty.

Many mixed-raced fans like myself loved Shawnangela since this was probably the first interracial romance we were exposed to in the 1990s, Jacobs even planned that in the original show this and that the fact that Angela was black wouldn't be an issue. Angela Moore was more than just the Black girlfriend, the only time it was brought up was 'Everybody Love Stuart' when she said, "God, I need to get some Black friends." She loved poetry and photography, and like Shawn her mother abandoned her and her father was away in the military so Angela spent a year in Europe to reconnect with her father. To break up a couple we loved just so a little girl can have a father was heartbreaking and Jacobs reasoning that Shawn and Angela "never meshed" and that Angela was meaningless to Shawn. Angela supported Shawn when he became addicted to drinking and when he discovered the truth about his parents then struggled with intimacy, realizing friends-with-benefits wouldn't work for them. Season 6 hinted that they lost their virginity to each other. Shawn's willingness to enter the military for Angela was touching. Sure they broke up a few times but they always found their way back to each other. Why I loved Shawnangela was because their love grew over time instead of instantaneously like Corpanga (Cory/Topanga). Younger fans were indifferent because they didn't grow up with Boy Meets World.

Shaty would've been tolerated if Jacobs showed Shawn and Angela grieve their loss then slowly had Shawn love Katy it would have been better. If they dated of their own choice, they would have been tolerated. Cory and Riley matchmade them; Shawn didn't have a choice in the matter, staying in this relationship only because he cares for Maya. "I care about your daughter," he says to Katy. ('Hurricane') Katy's can't imitate Shawn implying that she loves him but Shawn never reciprocates when he proposes. ('Upstate') As they're saying their vows Shawn admits to Maya – in front of Katy – that he's unsure that their marriage will last. I loved that the writers ended 'Goodbye' with Shawn adopting Maya but what's stopping Shawn and Katy from divorcing once Maya leaves home? By keeping Katy single GMW could've explored single-parent households, and mother-daughter bonds could've deepened since Kermit's departure. Or Jacobs could've written Katy abandon her daughter then have Shawn take Maya in like Johnathan Turner did. With so many possibilities it's disappointing that the writers chose to delete their story's history in favor of a boring option.

But like its predecessor I also had GMW favorite episodes:

First Date

Riley Town

Forgiveness

A Christmas Maya

Belief

Supporting Characters

Isadora Smackle & Isaiah "Zay" Babineuax are the Token minority characters, Smackle was around to be Farkle's third-option love interest while Zay is there to give Lucas' backstory. What do we know about them? Smackle is a Filipino, autistic genius who transferred from a private middle school to a public high school then flirts with Lucas to test Farkle's love for her. When Farkle says that if Lucas ever returned Smackle's affections, he would step back for them. Zay father was transferred from Texas to New York and has a large number of sisters. Aside from being Lucas' second-in-command, Zay is the comedic black best friend. Their actors said that they weren't in the series enough. How do Zay and Smackle feel about being the only minorities in their clique? We never learn anything substantial about them?

Farkle Minkus was the genus best friend of the group, son of Stuart Minkus (Cory and Shawn's former classmate) and Jennifer Basset (Shawn's ex-girlfriend) he comes from a wealthy family and has known Riley and Maya since kindergarten. He was my favorite male character because he was the most consistent, by season 3, I wondered why GMW couldn't be about him since his relationships –romantic and platonic – flowed organically. He struggled with analyzing his emotions vs feeling them. Farkle was agnostic, doubting anything that wasn't tangible and proved by science but was able to quote Revelation ('Belief' and 'New Years'). Farkle discovers his Jewish ancestors barely survived World War 2 and wonders what this means for him in "Christmas Maya." He was bullied in "Flaws" and was perceptive enough to know about Riley's bully. He's possibly autistic ('I am Farkle') and struggles with emotions but realizes Maya's ambivalence over her Lucas feelings. Other than Riley, Farkle was the most complex character.

Prince Charming was the extent of Lucas Friar’s role. Originally the writers planned on giving Riley an older brother named Elliot before scrapping this idea in order to give Riley a love interest. Love interests aren't bad but Lucas had no personality other than that. Any girl given more than five minutes of screen time falls for him so it was a matter of time before Maya and Smackle would. 

What do we know about this boy? Texas moved from Texas to New York in the Pilot. In spite being an academic athlete he's never seen playing sports outside of gym class and even in the gym he's not doing anything athletic nor does Lucas contribute much to his and Farkle sports conversation or his and Riley's basketball conversation. ('Cory & Topanga', 'New World') Lucas is strong as a bull and doesn't know why ('High School'). He can't pass football tryouts whereas Zay could. Either Lucas isn't as talented or there wasn't space on the team. Lucas was on the debate team, got two A's, and attends class so he's intelligent. ('Father', 'Commonism') How do we know he didn't cheat like his friends? He was also held back a year, maybe he isn't as smart as he lets on. Lucas believes in God but maybe he's Mormon? Is he Orthodox Christian? A Wiccan? He has a father ('Friendship'), a Mother ('Master Plan', 'Crazy Hat'), and Grandpa Pappy who the teenagers met on their Texas vacation. What's his relationship with them? He was angry that his father wouldn't take him back to Texas and afraid that his mother would put him in the shed. Pappy and Lucas missed each other but what's their relationship like? Does Lucas have siblings? Cousins? Lucas wants to be a veterinarian, birthed a calf, rode sheep and bulls. We never saw him with any other animals but maybe he has a pet? In 'Fish' Lucas said he was a dog person when Riley said she was a cat person. What's his favorite color?

Is there anything to Lucas Friar that makes him interesting? No. Lucas is perfect. His flaws are perfect. Lucas is aggressive in the way all teenage boys are with raging hormones and poor impulse control. He got into one unseen fight which expelled him from school. One fight would suspend a student but wouldn't expel him. Did the assaulted boy wind up in the emergency room and his parents demanded Lucas be kicked out? Whenever Lucas was involved in altercations he's composed during them. He shoves bullies against the wall and backs away. ('Flaws', 'Secret of Life') He breaks free of his dishtowel constraints, breaks the countertop, and crashes through a window barricade. (’Riley town’)  Afterward, he is automatically calm, someone with anger issues would need anger management training to accomplish this. If Lucas had this problem his friends would take umbrage with him and not defend his actions as being protective. If he had this problem it would happen at more places than school functions. Lucas wants to manage his anger and improve himself but he already had when he moved to New York. It's a shame because this would make a good story goal for him.

I could look past all of this if Lucas had a story goal. Becoming a veterinarian is a career goal but what does he want to achieve by GMW end? Farkle and Smackle want to understand emotions. Riley and Maya want to mature and understand the world around them. The most Lucas wants is a girlfriend and at one point he gets two! Lucas is Prince Charming because that's all the characters treat him as. The parents treat him as a suitor. Cory chases him out of his daughter's room more than the other boys. Katy and Topanga demand answers to his love triangle choice. His friends just discus dating scenarios with him. Lucas is a blank slate and it's why fans shipped Lucas with every character; they projected their wants onto him. Until he developed a personality fans couldn't know which girl he would be better for. (And it's why I wanted Lesbian Rilaya by the finale.)

Moon and Sun: Our protagonists' odd dichotomy

Night and Day's the expression describing our protagonists. "Riley is the sun, warm and bright and lights up my whole day. Maya is the night, dark and mysterious." Contrary to Farkle's statement, his observation is incorrect. From the pilot Maya's equated with fire and recklessness which are characteristics of sun/day archetypes. Her actions are forceful, almost masculine in quality and is the tomboy to Riley's femininity. What's more, Riley is cheerful and Moon/Night archetypes are viewed as mysterious, but most mythologies depicts lunar characters as a feminine, nurturing presence. Various religions use the Triple Goddesses – Maiden, Mother, Crone – as symbolism for female transformation. Riley is the perky innocent in season one yet becomes increasingly intuitive by season three. Finally, Aztec's god(dess) Metztli was darkened revoking its equality with the sun and forcing her into hiding which could be a metaphor for Maya eclipsing her friend in the series."The moon is always jealous of the heat of the day, just as the sun always longs for something dark and deep." -- Practical Magic. I've used this Night/Day expression in order to explain Riley and Maya's dichotomy; Shawn and Cory weren't as opposed as our gender-flipped characters.

Storytelling, archetypal, and shipping preferences influenced fans' favoritism toward one protagonist – and actress – more than the other. Case in point, younger fans conflated characters with the actors who portrayed them, contrasting to older fans finding Blanchard pretentious for her beliefs and Carpenter approachable since she isn't as vocal. (Celebrity wise, Blanchard reminds me of Emma Watson whereas Carpenter reminds me of Taylor Momsen. The former is famous for activism while the latter chose music over acting.) Following that, shipping preferences were terrible reasons why the fandom hated characters all because the rival girl interfered with their favorite couple. The outcome resulted in fandom wars, claiming that the rival was shallow and sparking theories that one couple was more accepting than the other.

Diverging for a moment fans claimed that Riley and/or Maya was boring because Disney's written these characters before. Riley is every 1990s Disney character – the titular Hercules, Belle (Beauty and the Beast), Lizzie McGuire – she's the straight man innocent. Maya is every Disney Channel best friend – Lily (Hannah Montana), Roxie (Shake It Up) – she's entertaining, troubled, and that's why fans like her. Overall, there are no novel stories or characters, but different ways to tell them. As for this show, Maya's favored because, like Shawn, she received heavier, concise plotlines. Fans considered her character reliable because she was vocal, but unlike Shawn, Maya had no complexity. Despite Shawn's dysfunctional relationship with Riley she shares the complexity Original Shawn had in Boy Meets World. Lastly, Maya's liked more because her conflicts are external compared to Riley's internal problems. Transparent problems appear interesting, like Maya's father issues, but because Riley's problems involve an inner torment, like insecurity, they seem invalid. An outside example is Arya and Sansa Stark; Arya is forceful, blunt where Sansa is secretive using her non-threatening femininity to survive.

Adding to Rilaya's dichotomy are the literary archetypes they represent: Riley is the Ingénue and the Caretaker. Maya is the Orphan archetype combined with the Rebel. Innocents crave dual desires of safety and experience, however, their achievements involve delayed gratification thus audiences find them boring. In the show, Riley wants to explore the world, yet struggles on how to achieve that. Contrary to that, the Orphan is bereft of parental guidance, but they're not always deceased. Kermit physically abandoned his daughter while Katy's emotionally detached from Maya. Obviously, they're different archetypes, yet they reflect two sides of the same person. The Orphan becomes insufferable because of their stubbornness and victimization. Maya's devolvement into the jerk friend annoyed fans because she was unapologetic of her actions. Due to character derailment within the show, Riley's naivete is why fans believed she was unintelligent.

Additionally, Rilaya's secondary archetypes contributed to fan's views on the characters. Riley represents the Caretaker, who's desire revolves around healing their loved ones; Maya is the Rebel or the one who revolts against authority even if they're unaware of what they're rebelling against. "You go too far," Cory told her after she activated the sprinkler system. "Why do you have to destroy the world?" Lucas questions Maya in her daydream. As a result, the Caretaker and Rebel shadow sides are of a dual mind like the Innocent-Orphan duality. If they don't practice self-care for themselves, then Caretaker martyrs themselves or are manipulative. Throughout the show, Riley didn't manipulate anyone but sacrificed her well-being for the sake of her friends, specifically Maya. Yet Riley is Cory's daughter and the Caretaker archetype becomes infringing at times. For example, Shawn didn't ask Cory to find Chet ('I Never Sang for My Legal Guardian') similar to how Maya never asked Riley to matchmake Katy with Shawn. ('Master Plan') Nevertheless, Maya's supposed to be Female Shawn and the Rebel's detriment is their recklessness and inconsideration. Shawn detonated a cherry bomb destroying a mailbox ('The Fugitive') and Maya abducts Katy's rival actress ('Holly World'), understandably Cory and Riley are exhausted from rescuing their friends. Also, because Riley can't physically protect her friends her genuineness is doubted. Her protectiveness is her emotional availability like hugging Farkle when someone's bullying him. Or comforting Smackle when she confides that she is autistic feeling that she's inadequate for Farkle. However, its Maya's guidance that gives Riley practicality and Riley's condolence that gives Maya hope. Essentially Jacabs' correct by describing these girls as an "astronaut on a horse."

Finally the fandom complained about Rilaya's friendship almost as much as romantic shipping; codependent yet sweet describes Riley and Maya's friendship, however, this isn't solely a characterization problem. To explain, Jacobs is an odd mixture of Dan Schidner, JK Rowling, and Seth Macfarlene. Jacobs derails his characters for terrible jokes and aggravates shipping wars (Schidener), erases then rewrites canon history without consideration of consequences (Rowling), and cannot write female characters (Mcfarlene). Most of this codependency stems from the fact that Jacobs can't write developed female characters or friendships, which is something Jacobs struggled with in Boy Meets World. Angela and Topanga were best friends but were rarely shown as such, and Racheal was nothing more than the red-head bombshell for Jack and Eric to compete for. Giving him some leeway, female friendships focus on emotional connection rather than collective connection like male friendships, leading writers to tell two girls are friends instead of showing it. "Our most important relationship is each other" or "You're the only one who's good enough for me," constantly being told this causes fans to view Rilaya's friendship as codependent, especially when they say sentiments like "Maya won't tell me what to feel" or "Riley won't save me." ('Rules, 'True Maya', etc)

The problem with comparing these characters is that we know little about either of them, all that's known is that Riley had more characterization than her best friend. What made Maya likable is that she immediately discovered her talent – art – while Riley hadn't done so. In spite of this, Maya doesn't complete any art outside of school settings after 'Upstate' and rarely displayed interest in pursuing an art career. Writers showed Future Maya receiving a SoHo internship, but her career plans aren't mentioned again. Does she like any artist? Picasso? Rembrandt? Kruger? DeVinci? In'1961' recited a poem, later it's revealed that Riley leads the yearbook committee. Eventually, Riley joined the high school's newspaper indicating Riley's talent might've been photography and/or writing.

Earlier I mentioned the fans believed Riley was stupid yet she loves school. Various examples include her straight A average where Topanga competed vicariously with Stuart Minkus through her daughter's grades. Continuing from that Riley's a voracious reader finishing a novel under three hours. Another example includes 'Bear' and 'New Years' where Riley finishes a novel under three hours and reminded Maya about the purpose of fractions. Riley showed promise during the school's spelling bee, she loves science, arguing with Farkle for not letting her participate in the assignment. And while she’s not as creative as Maya, Riley’s picture of Lucas is quite good. (Maya’s Mother) Counterarguments involved Riley's D- in Spanish class yet throughout the plot she attempts to improve her grade eventually succeeding and beforehand Riley wore her disgraced grade as a scarlet letter. Generally, an unintelligent person wouldn't understand this Nathanial Hawthorn reference. Possibly, Riley loves mathematics since she's able to remind Maya what fractions are, ('Bear') conversely, Maya's lazy and uninspired with half her teachers – Cory, John Turner, their science teacher – demanding she applies herself. After receiving an A in Spanish class she tells Cory, "Eh, quit your blubberin', this will go away." Furthermore, Maya has no qualms in allowing Riley to finish her homework, or cheating on a test ('Commonism') or letting Lucas do the entire project by himself ('Crazy Hat', 'STEM') Not to mention that the only class she puts an effort in is Art class. Book Hermione suffered with applying academic intelligence into practical usage yet she was considered "the brightest witch of her year." Riley has the same problem but is considered stupid because of Maya’s street smarts.

Athleticism is another factor that turns the fandom in Maya's favor. Unfortunately, Maya showed little interest in them afterward such as 'Mr. Squirrels' when she said she received a skateboarding scar as a child or is a talented pitcher in 'World of Terror.' Contrary to that, Riley showed interest in physical activities. In particular, Riley actively tryouts for cheerleading ('Rah Rah', 'Brother'), goes on a Knick rant ('New World'), according to her bedroom calendar and 'Creativity' Riley attends dance lessons. (Witnessing her dance implies Riley's quite talented at it and is possibly why she lost some clumsiness in season three.) Due to Maya's shirt collection, it's believed she loved classic bands, in spite that she never mentioned interest in the Rolling Stones and bought her clothes at thrift shops. Similarly Blanchard and Carpenter are talented singers, obviously, their characters are talented as well. More key points are that both girls represent strawman arguments in 'Belief'; Maya's the strawman atheist compared to Riley who is the strawman theist. Maya disbelieves in God because she doesn't get what she wants, "Maybe I would believe in God if I didn't have a perfect life." Riley believes essentially because the plot demanded her to. A similarity is that both girls consider themselves feminists, but Riley openly claims this role. ('STEM') Also, both girls appreciate nature, Maya through hiking and Riley through its calming influence. ('Ski Lodge').

Maya's likability is her self-assuredness in contrast to Riley's self-doubt. I loved this trait in Maya as well. Including her confidence, I admired that this character wouldn't tolerate bullshit from her peers. Simultaneously Riley's insecurity was a detriment to her popularity, a lack of confidence and desiring to become Maya subsequently led to Riley becoming different personas. During the pilot, Riley's crushed when her classmates named her "Riley Superklutz" then mocked her for being cheerful. ('Yearbook', Rileytown) Illustrating these differences include Riley's Harajuku or Goth phase ('Yearbook'). For this reason, Riley's identity isn't  in either subculture, yet inform the audience she appreciates the aesthetics. Using 'New Teacher' Riley loves comics, coupled with 'Popular' perhaps she loves anime and Kawaii Metal. Horrified by Farkle's violent videogame, Riley's nevertheless intrigued by the game. ('Money') Secretly, Riley may love zombie films or loves gaming, yet hides this because of her insecurity. Since Girl Meets World's holiday episodes follow Riley's perspective, the audiences know Riley becomes fanatical during the holidays. True to her nature, Riley's sacrifices her hobbies for another's benefit, like when Riley wanted to give up Halloween for malaria-stricken countries. All in all, I loved Riley's complexity since Maya was never more than the rebellious best friend.

A Cinnamon Roll. Why Girl Meets World doesn't deserve Riley

I'll admit the Girl Meets World fandom influenced my distaste for Maya Hart, but I've always hated her character since 'Maya's Mother' and 'Master Plan'; Maya was entitled and self-victimizing, using her "broken bird" status to her advantage. I realize my statement alienated half the fandom, but nothing about this girl was disadvantaged, and beginning with her home life we're shown she isn't impoverished as implied by writers. With a closet full of clothes and a fully furnished bedroom; the worst thing about her home was a dripping ceiling. Later she revealed that her neighborhood is primarily Hispanic, but she contradicts herself in 'True Maya.' Specifically, two ethnic girls with an African American cop doesn't denote a poor neighborhood, contrary to Shawn who lived in a trailer park with visible,eclectic neighbors. Shawn often wore the same clothes twice, equating Cory's middle-class background with wealth, "Hey, indoor plumbing [means you're] rich." ('I Ain't Gonna Spray Lettuce No More') Maya owned a laptop and Alternate Maya dressed on Hot Topic clothes, these expenses aren't something an impoverished teenager could afford. In all honesty, the Harts are middle class but aren't wealthy like the Minkuses. Other arguments are that Maya struggles academically, "I have no one to help me with my homework" but in reality her maternal grandmother could help her, her friends offer Maya studying help; really Maya just hates school without a reason. An example is that Cory raised her history test grade with an oral exam, however Maya didn't study. ('Father') Lastly, Maya doesn't have family problems; her father abandoned her, but show's little concern about its effects, in fact, she tells the Matthews that Kermit began a new family without her and never buys her presents. (again 'Father') Maya is affected by Kermit's absence in 'Forgiveness' where she said, "It was your job to stay" implying that she blamed herself for Kermit's departure but is apathetic toward Kermit afterwards. Parental abandonment leaves unresolved scars and Maya rarely showed any, as opposed to Shawn who resented Chet and doesn't amend their relationship until Chet was on his deathbed. He was resentful of his half-brother, Jack, because he had a great childhood and non-alcoholic father; Maya's resentful because Katy overworks, not appreciating Katy's overworking herself for Maya's benefit. Specifically to keep a roof over their heads, getting Maya into a proper school, or planning a nice fourteenth birthday for her. (List any episode that Katy appeared in as an example.) Yet Maya's "brokenness" is justification in absolving Maya of responsibility and allowing her increasing entitlement.

Cory bought colored pencils for Maya so she'll pursue her artistic ability, but gives her an iPhone because she had a flip phone, clearly it's not so she'll spy on her best friend and Lucas. Shawn bought her an entirely new wardrobe, even though nothing is wrong with her clothes; they aren't tattered or dirty but because of her "bad life" Maya's allowed to take her friend's moments with Topanga or monopolize Shawn's attention from Riley. After the umpteenth time of insulting Lucas, he fires a zinger back and unleashes her anger on her friends for not defending her. Apparently, Kermit's absence gone allowed Maya to insult everyone even though she can't handle it herself, steal Riley's (unofficial) boyfriend, and absolved of any consequences. Notably, Maya steals a locket from a little girl ('Honesty'), steals money ('Belief'), pulls fire alarms and illegally trespass on a property ('True Maya', the pilot) yet is surprised when her friends disbelieve her that she didn't steal the cash register money. 

Emphasizing Maya's lawbreaking, she kidnapped Katy's rival actress and is intent on vandalizing a statue and still gets away with it; the cop says that he'll forget her trespassing happened if she never does this again. If Zay – or any colored ethnicity – attempted Maya's actions, they would've been arrested. Instead, I waited for any of the characters to remind Maya of her privileges, whether it was white privileges or that she wasn't going to bed hungry or abused, and didn't deserve her entitled behavior. Moreover, this was why 'Her Monster' was more appropriate for Maya's character since she always took her loved ones for granted. A great lesson Jacobs could've done was that a harsh background does not entitle one to everything they desire, you have to work for what you want. (Small Note: Cinderella was Walt Disney's favorite film because of how hard work often give's one their desired goals.) Most of all, Maya was a terrible friend to Riley. Was Riley a perfect friend? Of course not. She shouldn't have blurted Maya's love in 'Texas' then proceed in lying about her own feelings, reworded her statements to Kermit ('Forgiveness') and not mocked Maya's home or love life ('Jexica'). These characters are teenagers and are immature, but Riley owned up to her mistakes while Maya did not; Riley has the maturity for considering potential consequences and other' perspectives yet Maya's immaturity is due to her belief world revolved around her.

Realizing these differences between these girls it's certainly clear why Riley deserved better, and we can narrow them into two categories: one, her friends and family sabotaging this brunette, secondly, every character unnecessarily criticized her, usually with no validity for it. In other words, Riley was the Meg Griffin of Girl Meets World in fandom and the fictional world. Original Shawn wouldn't ignore his goddaughter in favor of her friend. Once the series aired 'Upstate' Shawn belittled his goddaughter by saying "Shut up Little Cory!" insinuating that Riley's nothing more than a Cory clone, saying nothing of the fact that Maya's an imitation of himself. What was Riley's crime besides helping her friend? As another illustration is Topanga complimenting Maya as a "fierce Amazon warrior while in comparison Riley was a weirdo with a cute top. ('Mr. Squirrels') Topanga ignores her daughter for Maya, who collapsed on the Matthews' floor, childishly whining about graduation. Even in 'Permanent Record' Topanga called Maya her "new daughter" certainly the Matthews consider Maya like family, wanting to give her every benefit possible, yet it's at the expense of their blood daughter. Auggie and Josh are unique among her family in that they actually support Riley. Remorseful for destroying Riley's teddy bear, Auggie searches for it when it goes missing; Josh develops ambiguous feelings for Maya but this doesn't prevent him from comforting his niece. ('Forgiveness', 'Bear', Home for the Holidays', 'Goodbye') Interestingly, one adult doesn't blame Riley: Katy Hart. Of course, she'll have a preference for her own daughter, but Maya kept pushing Katy away in favor Topanga until season three. From Riley's perspective, she understands Katy's actions are all for her daughter – she even realizes this before Maya does on Christmas Eve. All of this is odd as if the writers confused whose daughter belonged to whom.

I'm certain there are fandom members who consider these points as coincidences, before re-watching the show I thought the same thing, but supporting characters disregarded Riley, background characters overlooked her, even the writers eventually ceased her character growth and proceeded catering to only Maya. A complaint lodged against this character received was that every character loved Riley at first glance which wasn't accurate. Cory's class was largely apathetic toward her – though this could be in part that Cory aimed his class lessons with an emphasis on the core six. Of the core six, Zay was intrigued, but uncertain of Riley with Smackle thinking similar thought. Missy Bradford hated her because Riley "had" Lucas, and Missy desired him for herself. Unknown Girl ('Don't Like Me') and Cashier Aubrey ('Demolition') blatantly dislike Riley, but it's when they see Riley's true character these characters have a change of heart. Yes, Unknown Girl doesn't accept Riley's friendship –Aubrey accepts Rilaya's friendship – but understands her intentions are pure. (I always made the connection that Riley is like Tohru from the manga Fruits Basket.) Nevertheless, her friends blamed her the majority of the time, especially the boys.

Prior to the new school term, Riley promised Maya that none of them will leave her in high school, Riley isn't afforded this luxury when all – excluding Maya – leave Riley in the stairwell ('Bay Window', 'High School'). Lucas claimed Riley was "too much" for him for the sole fact she didn't support his football ambition, but after bull riding, Riley recognizes other sports are potentially dangerous too. Digging the knife deeper in her back was Farkle, who after school blamed Riley for their entire day, "You ruined our first day of high school." Obviously Riley bore some culpability for her actions, however, the remainder of the clique bore responsibility as well and should've taken accountability for their actions. From their desertion until the final bell, it was the clique's duty to improve their day through their own attitudes, yet they didn't seem concerned that day when they reduced Riley to tears. Fortunately, Riley's vindicated, her intuition in the seniors was correct, she just shouldn't have taken their words at face value. Several episodes later Zay overexaggerates when Riley bites his cookie when Maya dared her to "do something evil," reserving his anger for Riley instead. Why was consuming a cookie unforgivable? Is his grandmother dead or her cookie recipe missing? Over the Christmas holiday, all her friends continuously whine about the Secret Santa – Lucas even leaves the state without notifying his girlfriend, Riley, in avoidance of this – regardless of them knowing Christmas is one of the multitudes of ways she shows affection. Only Smackle, like Katy, doesn't chastise her, though that could be because Smackle showed more camaraderie toward Riley than Maya. To iterate, Smackle may have left with Farkle but isn't enraged at her, instead cautions Riley's leadership possibly isn't appropriate for high school. When Smackle's introduced to the group, she's more comfortable admitting her crush, her autism, and much of her insecurities to Riley than her other friends. Of the girls, Smackle prefers hugs from Riley than Maya as well. ('Smackle', 'New Years', 'Goodbye')

What makes Riley sympathetic is Maya was the worst of her friends when it comes to her unsupportive tendencies, namely whenever a peripheral character appeared on screen, they'd berate Riley while Maya allows her to take the insults. It's correct that Maya defended Riley against names like "superklutz" or against Missy ('Sneak Attack') however Maya stays silent when their classmates were adamant that they don't want Riley/Lucas together. (However, it was equally cruel when they said they didn't care if Maya was around.) Art teachers berate Riley artwork then – though her picture of Lucas was impressive – before praising Maya's superior ability. ('Maya's Mother', 'Triangle.') Two episodes before 'New Year's,' Maya claimed Riley was wrong for believing in God despite slacking off on the assignment herself, and not attempting to understand a philosophy other than her own. Subconsciously, Maya sabotaged her friend by beginning the Riley Protection Committee, but that doesn't help her grow, whereas Maya consciously sabotaged her friend by disqualifying Riley from the spelling bee under the guise of cultural appropriation.* Later in 'Rah Rah' she convinced all their friends to make Riley quit by ringing bells, but Maya should've been a supportive, selfless friend for once; Riley doesn't have the coordination for cheerleading, but was determined to try. In both instances, Maya repeatedly insulted Riley with "Every year I have to watch out and tell you're good. Well, you're not good." Why is she making her friend's efforts about her again, and offering no apology for her cruel behavior? Quite a while later on the first day of high school Maya insulted her friend by saying, "How am I in a triangle with [Riley]" showing Maya (briefly) thinks Riley is inferior to her. Why was mourning her sentimental teddy bear insignificant compared to a taco? When was I supposed to like Maya's friendship?

Very few of the show theories were credible and the Maya/Lucaya theories were laughable; posters, bulls, and sheep proved nothing. However, depression theories were the theories I believed in. Counter-arguments for a Riley depression arc were that Riley's life was too perfect for depression, including that depression isn't caused by a single event. ('High School') A depression storyline for Riley would've shown that depression doesn't discriminate; a seemingly perfect life is equally prone to depression just as one of hardship. I don't believe Jacobs wouldn't have tackled Clinical Depression, Shawn's drinking in 'If You Can't be with the One You Love' lasted one episode but a depressive period he could do. That being said, let's look at the hints that may have foreshadowed a depression conflict for Riley.

Western culture places emphasis on positive emotions simultaneously teaching us to repress negative emotions, "Why aren't you happy? Don't cry, there's someone worse off than you." Starting from season 1 we've seen Riley's fear of imperfection (atelophobia) such as her saying that what others thought of her dictated her than her own thoughts. As her classmates mocked her in various episodes her sense of self crashes down, like when she hid in a locker because of Missy. Riley's cyberbully violently threatens her, "No one should be as cheerful as you. Stop being happy or I'll kick you in the face" – what made the episode strange was that her parents didn't comfort her at all in 'Riley town.' Early instants of her atelphobia occur when Topanga's entering labor, Riley's wonders why her parents are having another child, "Why are you doing this? Am I not good enough?" with an extension of these self-criticisms in 'Bear.' When returning to work –possibly after – maternity/paternity leave – Young Riley begged her parents to remain with her, so Cory gave the teddy bear as a symbolic reminder that they'll always be with her. 'Bear' is now linked to 'Bay window' in that Riley's fear is her loved ones abandoning her, and if she is good enough for anyone to stay with her. Compiling on top of this includes 'Cory & Topanga' when upon waking in the middle of the night, Riley eavesdrops on her parents causing her self-doubt that she'll never achieve her potential like her parents have. Whenever her friends champion Maya's causes ignoring Riley's in the process, Riley compares herself to her friend, the "Pretty Brunette" vs the "Blonde Beauty." Compiling onto that is, is that everyone – from her five friends to her family – expect her to fix their problems and ignore her own, in keeping her composure, Riley internalized her own feelings in 'Texas' by pushing Lucas away and by keeping her bullying a secret. Even more interesting is when the puppet perched itself on Riley's shoulder, "Your father trusts you. Your mother trusts you. Your brother lied for you. Everything bad in the world is your fault. [Riley: "What?"] Never mind. That's for later." Having heard this may mean that her caretaker role, her perfectionist tendencies, her self-sacrifice, would be the elements that cause her breakdown.

Repression becomes rumination and exhaustion, from the previous examples – and what we know of her general character– Riley's obsessive, sometimes controlling. (She's Topanga's daughter after all.) In Season 2, Maya commented that she doesn't like it when Riley is calm. American Psychological Association wrote this about depression and rumination, "[People prone to rumination] exhibit personality characteristics such as perfectionism, neuroticism and excessive relational focus-"a tendency to so overvalue your relationships with others that you will sacrifice yourself to maintain them, no matter what the costs." She worried if anyone would befriend her as a child as well. "I sit here and I hope […] For someone to come in and sit with me." ('Bay Window') When seeing Maya dating Lucas, Riley obsesses over her worthiness for him, and when her classmates dislike her, she did the same. Constant thoughts of this can lead to exhausting your energy from overthinking. Four particular episodes convinced me of Riley's exhaustion: 'Rah Rah', 'Riley town', 'Texas 3', and 'High School.' The teenagers' second day of high school is where we receive our first clue Riley make have physical symptoms of depression. Unfortunately, this statement was played for comedy Riley said that she didn't cry all night because "I fell asleep before I could." Episodes 'Riley town' and 'Texas 3' show the audience that she probably had cried herself to sleep before. Cheerleading proved physically straining so it makes sense that she'd say that she was tired. A tonal shift occurs in the third act when Riley doesn't make the team, when she said "I'm really tired, Maya," sounds more like she's emotionally exhausted as well. (Although anyone would if their friends kept discouraging and insulting them.) While she was faking the flu it's not unreasonable that she could've made herself ill from her rumination. Sobbing in Topanga's lap, Riley is conflicted if she made the right decision about her friends and that she regrets agreeing to date Charlie. Topanga comforts her daughter to "Hold on" then Riley begged her mother not to leave, that she is "a little tired." Cut to the next scene, the next morning where mother and daughter haven't moved from their spot, implying that Riley cried herself to sleep.

Storgic Eros vs Ludic Eros: Rucas or Lucaya?

Like many fandoms, Girl Meets World had terrible shipping wars, and though not the entire cause of the sequel's failure, it did contribute to dissatisfaction among the audience. I'm not advocating for either Lucas pairing since the couples I supported were the rival pairings, Polyamorous Rucaya (Riley/Lucas/Maya), and romantic Lucadora (Lucas/Smackle) I understand audience members gravitated toward Rucas (Lucas/Riley) or Lucaya (Lucas/Maya), and why shipping began among these factions. Rucas and Lucaya appear polar opposite, but are alike in several ways as well: the factions claimed that the rival pairing was tedious, unrealistic and that their rival was incorrect by loving the couple. Incredible news is that both warring sides were correct, Rucaya (Riley/Lucas & Maya/Lucas) were all these traits; Disney has written Love-Hate and Friend-Lover romances repetitively since Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and so both couples are predictable because they are both fairy tales. Because these are teenage romances they're unlikely to survive into adulthood. Lucas has always been Prince Charming Maya's is the tomboy princess. Lucaya is a Fabio romance, Disney examples The Little Mermaid (Ariel and Eric), Hercules (Meg and Hercules), Tangled, and Pirates of the Caribbean (Elizabeth/Jack/Will) to name a few. Riley's the feminine princess to Prince Lucas and they are Jane Austen romances. They’re animated Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast, Jack and Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas, and Frozen's Anna and Kristoff. What differentiates the Lucas pairings lis that Disney Channel is more apt to use Friend-Lover relationships.

Adding to Lucaya/Rucas similarities are plot and aggression problems; Maya and Lucas approach situations – and each other – with direct aggression while Riley and Lucas use passive-aggression. Lucaya kept insulting one another, Riley used her internet persona to coax an answer from Lucas, and he used jellybeans to reach a conclusion. ('Triangle', 'Jexica') Plot-wise Lucaya is strange, after several antagonistic episodes Maya develops a crush on Lucas suddenly, and because Farkle revealed Riley's love for Lucas, Lucaya never had any follow through. Rucas, however, had foreshadowing and depth, but after 'Ski Lodge' the writers never portrayed them acting like a couple. And both Lucaya and Rucas fans used fallacious arguments to justify their favorite couple, primarily that Riley or Maya accepted Lucas better, but there wasn't much to accept about Lucas Friar because of his one-dimensionality. Out of the two girls, it's Riley that understands Lucas, not Maya. 'Secret of Life' revealed Lucas' unpleasant Texan self with everyone curious about his past; Maya uncovering attempts fail by using Zay as a third-party, yet it's Riley’s confrontation with Lucas that succeed when she reminded Lucas that friends/couples are honest with one another. "If you say I can trust you, I'll believe you because that's what we do." Later it's Riley who wants to end Lucas' potential fight, mirroring 'Texas 3' in that Cory and Zay pulled Riley back from entering dangerous a situation. (Riley attempted to jump into the rampaging bull's pin to save Lucas before being the first person to jump in when Lucas fell from the beast.) A 'Secret of Life' ends with Riley remaining unaccepting about Lucas' aggression, however, it is her Lucas discloses his fight to Riley; as 'Rules' reached its conclusion Riley vocalized that she doesn't condone Texas Lucas, but understands his Shadow Side is part of his personality inserting the hope that Lucas is able to transform himself into a better person. Finally, in 'Texas', Maya's considered credible because she vocalizes that Lucas shouldn't ride the bull but, contradicts herself immediately by leaving. Her negative statement, "I'll never forgive you if you ride that bull," is interpreted as cruelty toward him because Lucas can't believe Maya isn't being antagonistic which is almost always her natural state. Moreover, theorists forgot Maya was equally complicit in volunteering Lucas for the competition, that both girls were shocked at the bull off screen, and instead of forsaking Lucas, Riley stayed offering suggestions to placate the bull, "Tell the pull you want to become a veterinarian, Lucas." Paraphrasing, Riley told Lucas that if he's sure he wants to ride the bull she'll support him, "Be the hero I know you can be," wasn't Riley ignorance of the risk, it was her understanding why he wanted to succeed. He wanted to regain his honor he had lost before and made his loved ones proud of him, "Thank you for believing in me," he said in 'Texas 3.'

Does Maya know that Lucas can be dangerous? Rarely does she mention his dangerous habits calling doubt on the extent of her Lucas insight, she mentioned Bad Lucas in 'Riley town', "I don't think Lucas will be so calm," but this is through subtext, and when Lucas crashes through their barricade Maya contradicts herself by urging him to lift the bed with a single finger. The next time Maya realizes Lucas' dark side is in 'Ski Lodge' when she wonders why he won't break the rules and Zay must remind her that Lucas lost a year of his life because of that; Maya remains silent. (An argument could be made that it is Riley that accurately judges Lucas because she knows there's nothing underneath Prince Charming whereas Maya needs to constantly provoke Lucas to believe that Lucas has problems of his own.) However neither of them accept this aspect of Lucas, and the only person who does is Farkle since he is the only one who calls Lucas out on his bullshit. In 'Riley town' he ties him up, urging him "Don't turn into Texas Lucas." Episodes like 'New Years', 'Triangle', 'Ski Lodge' Farkle reiterates that if Lucas remains indecisive about the triangle then he'll damage all their friendships.

In order to understand why Lucaya was preferred over Rucas let's look at statistics to demonstrate why Lucas pairings and rival pairings were popular in the first place. This fan fiction site archives over 4500 Girl Meets World stories with Maya and Riley stories representing half of its entirety; no matter how many filters are used, Maya centric stories maintain a slight lead over Riley centric ones. Lucas/Maya pairings – platonic or romantic – rank first with Rucas ranking at a close second, this isn't surprising. Once filtered down to the romantic completed fiction we realize that Lucas/Maya fiction doesn't lead by much, only by 14% (643) with Rucas at 12% (541) of the stories, a two percent difference is microscopic, and the rival pairings – Joshaya (Josh/Maya) and Riarkle (Riley/Farkle) – are tied for third place. Lesbian Rilaya is the only other pairing that superseded all of them, but since this shipping war focused on heterosexual couples we can't include Rilaya. Popularity for these ships is for what romances the girls represented, not the couple as a whole. Maya romances – Lucaya and Joshaya – are instantaneous and playful where Maya often refers to her relationships as a game; Lucaya is their "little game" while Joshaya is the "long game." They're Ludic Eros, or a Love-Hate romance and is why theorists interpreted bickering as flirtation notwithstanding repeated complaints that he doesn't appreciate Maya mocking him. He'll stick a rose between her teeth to annoy her or tell Maya that she can't break him after she mocks his country cowboy heritage. Lucaya is Disney sexual attraction, fire and why everybody can see them as a couple. ('Yearbook')  Passion and obsession that embodies Lucaya are what researchers define as love/lust at first sight. What theorists didn't notice is that Lucaya's death hinges on boredom, once either character grows tired of the other their romance dies. In the three seasons, Maya had been the most fickle with her romances, if she doesn't get what she wants or events proceed too slowly for her she ignores it and moves on. First, she's in love with Josh, suddenly she loves Lucas and now loves Josh again and every character has called her out on this. Josh in 'Ski Lodge' reminds Maya that she loves him now, but that could change, pointing to her Lucas infatuation as an example. In 'Crazy Hat' Maya reveals that Mrs. Friar and Lucas' conversation that she overheard and his calf story bored her. ('Texas 3') Ever since Lucas changed he's boring, nor does help that Lucas and Maya couldn't even date one month ('Texas 3' – 'New Years') while Lucas and Riley's second relationship lasted half a year ('Ski Lodge 2' – 'Goodbye'). Lucaya was similar to Seddie (Sam/Freddie) from iCarly, if Lucas and Maya dated it would a physical relationship at most. Over the long-term physical attraction fades first, once the honeymoon phase ends if there's no commonalities between partners then the romance dies.

Riley romances – Rucas and Riarkle – are Friend-Lover relationships. It's Riley complimenting that Farkle's developed into a handsome, young man or how Lucas admits his and Riley's intimate moments are preferable than the few he's had with Maya. Lucaya had passion but Rucas had intimacy. Similar to Riley's character, opposing fans found Rucas boring because there's no instant gratification, love forms from friendship, mutual understanding and affection as well as attraction. One example is Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher from That 70s Show, who after a decade of friendship are married with a daughter. Real love, long-lasting love develops over time, teenagers beginning to date won't realize this yet. Fandom factions doubted Rucas because of a handful of episodes, those being 'New World', 'Spring Fling', and 'Texas 2.' Theorists commented that Rucas barely dated a week ignoring that peer pressure forced their breakup decision. Classmates, like Yogi, pressured them to be the "Perfect Couple," and along with Ruvas' friends and their parents, interrupted any chance Rucas had for any alone time. Boyfriends and girlfriends desire some time away from the public with the episode concluding with Lucas and Riley deciding to resume dating once they've understood each other as people and when they're ready. Rucas' endgame status is cemented when she catches Maya's bouquet and Lucas smiles adoringly at Riley. Theorists also used Riley's comments in 'Texas 3' and 'Spring Fling' against Rucas. Riley confides in Eric and Jack that she's afraid that her and Lucas' relationship would fail and tells the same sentiment to Lucas in 'Texas.' If they dated, then broke up, she and Lucas may hate each other. Eric tells her that unlike Jack, he calls Rachel every day, revealing that Riley would rather have Lucas' friendship than risk not being in his life. Topanga did the same in Boy Meets World and even in season six, breaks their engagement because she doesn't want a divorce like her parents. (Also this tells the audience that although Riley craves a fairy tale love she still doubts that it's a possibility.) And in reality, friend-lovers worry about this outcome too so this is a nice reflection of real-life circumstances.

Both Rucas and Lucaya are similar in that they're instantly attracted to each other, Maya and Riley immediately notice Lucas on the subway and gawk at how handsome he is. Lucaya theorists speculate through her play flirting that she had always loved Lucas and selflessly sacrificed her own feelings, but Maya "flirted" with Lucas so Riley would be comfortable around boys and since then pushed her friends into a romantic relationship. During "Meets Boy" she tells Riley to talk to him, by the end of it she and Lucas are able to have an actual conversation. 'Meets Boy' and 'Legacy' reveals that they've smelled they other's hair. (Weird but cute.) Maya asks Lucas on a date but instead of accepting Lucas proceeds and asks Riley out. ("First Date') Maya's actions are like Shawn's in Boy Meets World. Shawn asked Topanga to the Sadie Hawkins dance so Cory would, Maya is female Shawn so it's possible that she'd do the same for Riley. In 'Belief' Maya says that Lucas need someone to build him and Riley fulfills that role for him. Another example is that Lucas feels comfortable revealing his secrets to Riley than anyone else with show writers on Twitter confirming that "[Riley] is a calming influence on him." 'Secret of Life', 'Meets Boy' are examples like where he says he helped birth a calf and 'World of Terror 2' has the teenagers admit they both love a television show called Cuddlebunnies, later Lucas showed more concern that she missed Red Planet Diaries. And unlike Lucaya, Rucas had intentional flirtatious moments. 'Sneak Attack' has Riley wanting to learn how to flirt so Lucas'll remain attracted to her and not Missy then in art class she flirts with him in French; Lucas reciprocates by saying in French, "Someday we'll go to Paris." Other episodes she'll lower her voice to appear more sexual. During their softball game Riley feigns ignorance over her mitt so she can flirt with him and playfully slaps his ass afterward. (And Maya nods in approval.)

Overall the Love-Hate aspect isn't the entire reason why Lucaya was problematic, Lucaya's failure stems from the fact Lucas and Maya never fought for each other. From 'Texas' until 'Legacy' Lucas is almost constantly fighting for Riley; from that point Riley begins fighting for a resolution and Lucas. During the square dance, Pappy's home, or the campfire, Maya's passivity caused doubt over her Lucas infatuation. Maya sits on the sidelines when Lucas is fighting for Riley. When Lucas confronts Riley's brother statement at the fire, Maya's motionless. On the Lucaya/Riarlie (Riley/Charlie) double date Maya has to ask Riley's advice on how to date Lucas, showing the audience that Maya's never thought of Lucas as boyfriend material before. Lucas never fought for Maya when he's arguing with Charlie during the couple's game on New Year's Eve. It's Riley initiates love triangle discussions about if they still love each other and is one the one who noticed the seniors' – Thor/Nikki/Francesca – own love triangle asking how they resolved it. In Jexica at least Riley tried solving the triangle while Maya rarely made a suggestion. She doesn't even fight for Lucas when she's told to. During the 'Triangle' bay window scene Riley says that Lucas was her boyfriend first and that she was going to take him back. "Maya, if you like Lucas, then you're gonna have to take him from me." Instead of fighting Maya retreats with, "You'd let me do that?" If Maya really loved Lucas than why isn't she fighting for him? 'Ski Lodge' is the only time Maya fights for him, calling themselves the power couple but since this happened in fantasy this means she never fought for him. And if she loved Lucas why would she continuously flirt with Josh at every turn? Why would she immediately surrender her feelings if she really wanted Lucas?

Canonically, romantic Lucaya wasn't mentioned until 'Yearbook' but Sarah – and their class – voted them 'Best Couple' then Maya questions them why anyone would consider them a couple. Lucas adds that they have never considered each other like that. Maya's revelation – "That's why I love you, you're my brother" – isn't Riley's thoughts, Maya is costumed as Riley but since she isn't we can't know if these feelings are genuine. Katy in the prior scene warns her daughter against assuming about others feelings. "[….] Before you become another person, understand that you may learn things about them you didn't know before [...] When you have strong emotions for someone, it's like you're too close to see straight." Maya is too blinded by her best friend to determine if she's correct. Lastly, neither girl discusses their Lucas feelings until 'Texas' so there's no indication at Maya or Riley's feelings have changed. More likely her brother revelation is a red herring for Maya's own affections toward Lucas.

The 'Texas' trilogy is the next time Lucaya is mentioned in canon but the plotline is against them from the beginning. Riley misinterprets Maya's emotions of that of infatuation but their conversation shows that they're hurt that the other takes their feelings for granted. At Pappy's home and the campfire Riley friend-zones Lucas*3 whose reaction is that he doesn't think of themselves like siblings. Lucaya's almost kiss is romantic but immediately afterward says, "Don't tell [Riley]."  "Of course I like you. Who wouldn't?" isn't a love declaration because Lucas pressured her to. All she admits to is not wanting to lie to Riley.'Texas 3' was about Riley/Charlie (Riarlie) and Lucaya's double date which all four are dreading. Topanga and Farkle discover that Riley lied and she is still in love with Lucas and doesn't want Charlie. Before their double date begins, Lucas marches to Riley telling her that he doesn't want to date Maya reiterating that it's Riley he wants. Continuing from there, Lucas interrupts his own date to interfere with Riley and Charlie's date; Maya kicks Lucas for ignoring her. Then Zay said that Lucaya loved fighting over dating.

Zay: "Well, the thing we all knew about Lucas is Lucas would do anything for his friends. And I never thought there could be anybody else like that, but Riley is."

Farkle: "So you think they are like brother and sister?" 

Zay: "No, I just think they have a lot in common. I mean, Riley would do anything for her friends, too."

New Years' is the most telling episode between Lucaya because Lucas interacts more with Riley than Maya. As the party starts he brushes past her just to touch her, sits closer to her when he arrives, and gets into a pissing contest with Charlie over who knows Riley better. Lucas doesn't approach Maya on the rooftop, Maya does, and her comment "I'm glad you're with me at midnight" was said because she rarely complimented him before. Every time Lucas compliments one girl he says the same about the other. He says that he'll always know Riley whenever and wherever they are when he repeats this to Maya her reaction is "You're not even trying." Quoting "[…] nicknames are a name for someone that can be used by anyone, pet names can only be used by one individual." Lucas called both girls beautiful. Riley's the "beautiful brunette who follows the rules" ('Legacy'). Deep down Maya's the blonde beauty but in 'True Maya' he called Riley beautiful as well. Riley's the "Pretty Brunette" but Maya is just physically attractive to him whereas he finds everything about Riley attractive. "The pretty brunette who never gives up on anyone or anything. And no sacrifice is too big for her friends." 'Creativity' can't be used as Lucaya fodder because, one, we don't know the context of the Lucas/Zay's conversation and, two, Lucas' outrage shows that he didn't want the girls to know they were comparing them. Using jellybeans Lucas decides between girls ('Triangle') with both girls driving him crazy and are too much for him. They're funny and they push their loved ones toward positive growth. Maya does so forcefully ('Rules', 'Crazy Hat', 'Pilot') Riley implicitly ('Flaws', 'Lady of New York'). Yet Lucas concludes that he prefers his intimate moments with Riley over Maya, "It's always been Riley."

Lucas likes Maya because of her hu hurr-ing greetings and calling him "Huckleberry," however, it's a better answer than Maya's answer, "I don't know, he's a nice guy. What's wrong with us both liking a nice guy?" First and foremost, Riley dated him first and if Maya didn't fall for Lucas, her and Riley's friendship wouldn't be jeopardized. Second, if her Lucas love is because he's nice then why didn't she fall for another boy? Every time Maya's confronted with this question she can't answer with anything except "I don't know what I want." ('True Maya') "I don't know how I like you." ('Texas') Her body language displays uncertainty during the New Year's couple game. We know why Maya teases Lucas though, it's fun "tearing him down" ('Belief') and she wants to "mess him up." ('Ski Lodge') Maya jokes that she doesn't want him to become conceited ('Texas') but Lucas is humble. He admits that he isn't perfect nor brags about his academic achievements. ('Flaws', 'Father', 'Yearbook') After winning the class election, Lucas awarded Maya an ambassador role despite the fact that she attempted to blackmail him. ('Friendship') Maya loved mocking Lucas but she wasn't in love with him.

I have three theories as to why Maya loves Lucas:

Theory 1: Maya loves Lucas because of Katy's influence Very little of Maya's home life is known, what is certain is that Kermit and Katy constantly fought. ('Maya's Mother', 'Master plan', 'Forgiveness', and 'High School') Maya would never admit to her parents influencing her of anything and blamed Katy for her father's departure in 'Master Plan,' "She does this. She makes men leave. Shawn's probably in Mexico now." For a girl dismissive of her mother Maya mirrors Katy's mistakes with men. Observing Kermit and Katy's dysfunctional marriage distorted Maya's perception of love; love became equated with arguments and insults. Katy smashed a cake in Kermit's face, then Maya repeats this by pouring smoothies on Lucas' head. ('Forgiveness', 'Texas') Minutes later, Maya confesses that she won't forgive Kermit's abandonment comparable to Maya threatening Lucas that if he rides the bull she'll never forgive him before subsequently leaving him. Shawn berates Katy when they're introduced at the diner; Maya mocks Lucas when they're reintroduced at school. Katy falls for partners who don't reciprocate her affections, Maya does the same. Shawn still loves Angela and can't date Katy yet. Lucas pines after Riley and she returns his love, Lucas can't commit to Maya.

Theory 2: Maya loves Lucas because Riley is in love with him These next two theories vary on the extent of how much you believe that Maya became Riley. Maya portraying Riley in 'Yearbook' or wearing similar clothes doesn't mean Maya became her friend. I personally don't believe she suffered from an Ego crisis – clothes and grades don't equal an identity loss – but Maya suffered from a relational identity crisis. Riley always wanted to become Maya, an identity crisis fits Riley's character because she struggled with her identity When eavesdropping on two girls, Rilaya witnesses the girls' friendship dissolve. Betrayed, First Girl demands answers on why Second Girl dated her boyfriend, Second Girl replied that she was aware of that fact. "I actually went after him just for that reason. I didn't even like him. I just wanted to make you feel bad." It's unlikely Maya would purposefully anger Riley, but she desires everything her friend possesses. Jealous of Riley's family, Maya monopolizes her parent's attention away from Riley. Likewise, Maya wants excellent grades, convincing her friend to complete her homework for her. Overall, it's within Maya's character that she'd love Lucas because Riley already does. Of their clique, Maya had no romantic experience and may have developed insecurities over this matter. Examples include Zay's ex-girlfriend, Smarkle (Farkle/Smackle) with the longest romance of one year. ('Smackle' – 'Goodbye'), and Riley and Lucas dating the most people before dating each other. Also, Maya's never been kissed (Farkle/Maya's nose kiss like Farkle/Riley's chin kiss didn't count.) Adding to that, Maya had never dated someone she wasn't forced to date. Namely that Maya dated Farkle so Rucas can date, then dated Lucas herself because Riley insists that she does. Compiling on this that Maya never had a monogamous boyfriend since Lucas calling both girls his "girlfriends" means that he isn't committed to her. In Maya's favour is that, like Riley, is that three boys developed crushes on her. Both friends had Farkle and Lucas date them while they've had third options in Josh and Charlie respectively. Against Maya is her domineering nature causing avoidance in boys – and some girls – meaning they won't consider her girlfriend material. Maya tells Farkle that he can't handle her. ('Pilot') Josh is unnerved by her forwardness in 'Home for the Holidays' before running away. Whenever she and Lucas are paired together, she emasculates him calling him "the lamb Mary left behind." ('Rules') At most Maya is just a friend to them furthering her romantic insecurities. In Maya's perceptive, Rucas is the perfect relationship. Rucas are attentive, protective toward each other, and as Friend-Lovers they listen to each other; Lucas laughs at Riley's fanaticism over the Knicks as much Riley loves hearing his Texas. This couple is willing to sacrifice whatever possible for the other; Lucas was willing to revert into Texas Lucas for Riley ('Rileytown') and she's willing to jump into a bullpen. Observing them further Maya liked their softball game flirting and was aroused by Rucas' kiss ('First Date'). Envious, Maya thought that if Lucas is able to give Riley a fairy tale love, then Lucas can give Maya that love too. After all Prince Lucas and Princess Maya sound nice. Yet Maya is sympathetic toward her friend, fully mindful that by chasing Lucas, Maya is breaking Riley's heart. How does Maya circumvent her predicament? Maya uses Rucas' breakup in 'New World' as evidence that Rucas wouldn't succeed long-term. Through her self-deception, Maya convinces herself that Riley's love is platonic and dates Lucas without a guilty conscious. Inflicting pain on her best friend never crossed Maya's mind, but Maya's jealousy overwhelmed her better judgment. A final obstacle now separates Maya from Lucas-land: Maya isn't his type resolving this setback by becoming Lucas' ideal girlfriend. Next, Maya undergoes a Riley-esque transformation, becoming Riley in femininity, but not personality. Maya dresses femininely and softens her attitude around boys, explaining her fashion change and interest in Lucas. Riley thrives in interpersonal relationships which Maya mirrors this Riley facet to attract Lucas. Maya lost herself in competing for an unavailable boyfriend that wasn't hers. Ultimately, that is why she changed and why she fell for Lucas.

Theory 3: Maya loves Lucas so she can protect Riley Ignoring the Lucaya dalliances isn't possible, especially since there wasn't enough non-romantic hints to discount this couple. Protecting Riley is Maya's goal in the series, but the question remains how does correspond with Maya loving Lucas? How does infidelity protect anyone? Jacobs holds the official answer, but it's probably as nonsensical as the answer we received. In the prior theory Maya became Riley because Lucas wouldn't notice her otherwise – this adds further significance to Maya's James Bond fantasy – enabling her to unearth Lucas' true intentions. He gawked at Maya in her Riley costume, unable to tell the difference between the girls. Bond is a spy which Maya becomes so she can test Lucas. As teenagers, these girls want a fairy tale love, but growing up with dysfunctional parents Maya understands love isn't always forever. With Josh's help Maya realizes why she entered a relationship with Lucas she wanted to make sure Lucas was a safe option for her. When Maya confronts Riley, she tells her "How do I know if he's the right guy for you. How do I know if he's good enough?" Lucas isn't dangerous, but his uncontrollable rage could potentially harm Riley; no one wants their friends in an abusive relationship. Maya knows that aggression is attractive, but is harmful to people. Fire is destructive as well as transformative. This is the character who formed the Riley Protection Squad and wanted to attack Missy in 'Sneak Attack.' Riley is always pulling Maya back from the edge it was long overdue that Maya would repay the favor.

None of this means I hated Lucaya, in fact, I loved their friendship dynamic from the beginning. I've always had more men friends than women friends and Lucaya reminded me of the cross-gender friendships I'm a part of. Whenever they were paired together they had great comedic timing like the card eating scene. Maya grabs everyone – excluding Smackle and Josh – by the collar. Anytime one of the boys had a prominent scene she grabbed them by the shirt. Maya does this to Zay, and Lucas in the bakery ('High School 2') and whenever Farkle is around. That's the exact reason he kissed her nose in 'True Maya.' She grabbed Riley's dress collar in 'World of Terror 3'. Smackle is exempt probably because she and Maya aren't close friends. Josh is exempt because he's the boy she actually likes. 

Unlike other girls, Maya doesn't ogle him like Smackle or Missy. She doesn't treat him like a love interest like Riley and Lucas treat each other. Maya interacts with Lucas like the regular boy that he is. The episodes 'Washington' and "Creativity' Maya says that she finally trusts Lucas as a friend and that she is glad that they're friends. "You could never hurt me" from 'Ski Lodge' is an indication of their friendship. Fans aren't wrong for shipping them together, but Lucaya wasn't endgame because after. Girl Meets Sixteen's taping Jacobs told the audience, "If we listened to fans- and we hear about Lucaya, and Riarkle and Rilaya all the time, we see what you say- the story we want to tell would be dissipated." 

Could I see them as a couple if they were well planned? Yes. What makes fictional Love-Hate lovers successful is in its foreshadowing when the two characters begin as antagonists, manage to form a friendship – or some kind of camaraderie – and then become lovers. Examples I loved were Zane/Rikki (Nickelodeon's H2O: Just Add Water), Niles/C.C (The Nanny), Draco/Ginny (Harry Potter), and all Xena couples because grow happened between them. (Except for Draco and Ginny since that's a fanon couple.) Niles and C.C pranked and insulted each other but in all five seasons, they became friends, would kiss and have sex, making them fall in love believable. Lucaya became a genuine friendship but not a romance.

Non-Triangles

Opinions further split the fandom with fans debating if a love triangle was warranted, Girl Meets World's story never supported this specific plotline. Removing this triangle changes nothing of the show except Riley and Lucas would've reconciled faster and Maya would've determined her mindset on her own. Jacobs tweeted that Rucaya's love triangle was a "non-triangle" and he was correct.; love triangles need conflict and resolution which his plot never possessed. A successful version was 'Bee True' focusing on Mr. Feeney's relationship with Dean Lila Bolander. Stakes are intensified because if Feeney doesn't speed up his game, Bolander will reconcile with her ex-husband. What's more, 'Farkle's Choice' revolved around Farkle deciding which girl will escort him to an awards ceremony. Conversely, Rilaya's pranking and insulting for the privilege to date Farkle. With friendships splintering apart, Farkle denies them as his dates. Neither blonde nor brunette vies over Lucas, trying to seem forlorn that they love each other. "We'll check again tomorrow," Maya said, indicating that this indecision is a constant thing. It's admirable Lucas worries he'll ruin the girls' friendship but this doesn't happen and a catch-22 develops. If no one fights for him, there are no reasons for his delayed decision hence there's no reason to choose either girl.

Out of the ten love triangle episodes, two contain potential conflict those being 'Triangle' and 'High School 2.' After asking how the seniors resolved their love triangle, their response is that their triangle's lasted four years. Rucaya remained different from the seniors' conflict in that their triangle ended but the audience hadn't known that yet. Therefore Rucaya possibly could've repeated the seniors' mistakes. Continuing from 'High School' was 'Triangle' where our second conflict arises when Rilaya spied on two schoolgirls in the restroom. First Girl – symbolic of Riley – and Second Girl – symbolic of Maya – ended their friendship over their boyfriend (Second Girl: "I wish I never knew you!" First Girl: "I wish you never climbed through my bedroom window.") Implications are clear, if Maya and Riley don't – or won't – discuss their situation, their friendship will end. Like the above example, this consequence never came to fruition but some consequence needs to happen. No character investment translates into the audience not remaining invested with a prolonged triangle.

Technically, the 'Ski Lodge' fantasies have conflict, on the other hand since these daydreams happened in the teenagers' minds, neither girl fought for Lucas. Although the daydream sequences have merit when Maya/Riley intrude on the other's fantasy. Riley's correct in that Maya's Lucas Love isn't reality; flirtation and constant fighting destroy romance. Shortly afterward Maya destroys her relationship literally, and metaphorically, by detonating the bomb. Nonetheless, Maya is also correct in informing Riley of the "death of love" because, without effort, faith won't keep love alive.

Human characters often have tragic flaws, the triangle's Achille's Heel was its conclusion. Everyone dictated and defined the other's emotions; Josh defined Maya's feelings who in turn told instructed Lucas' actions on the matter. Joshaya's conversation is the most believable because Maya admits she doesn't like Lucas like the way she likes Josh. And she says this of her own volition. It doesn't excuse Riley was cheated the most, who had no input in the entire arc. Maya joked that Lucas would choose her – she did the same in 'Upstate' – and to tell Lucas he loved Riley. At each suggestion, Lucas appeared dumbfounded at Maya's statements. "Tell Riley you love her. It will make me happy," Since 'Yearbook' Riley was forced out of her Lucas relationship. Her classmates forced her out, later she'd forced herself out in 'Texas' and her friends doesn't give it a second thought. Half of Riley's other friends are fickle over her relationship. For this reason, Riley is chosen by default even though it's been foreshadowed since the pilot that Rucas were endgame. Couple this with the fact that Riley's the chosen one, but isn't given time to reflect on her feelings that she's who Lucas wants. Still, Rucas' conversation where they agree that what they do for themselves, they'll do for the other is heartwarming. Regardless of the outcome, Lucas fanatics would've been outraged either way. In the writers' defense 'Ski Lodge' had an advantage of moving the resolution in their favor, Josh was the sole character with credibility and unbiased perspective.

The longest scenes involved Josh in this two-parter and due to their duration, his role gains importance here. Actuality, Josh's return was originally in 'New Years' and Legacy' before Uriah Shelton's accident forced writers to alter the storyline. Moving on, the Rucaya trio all ask for Josh's input at some point in the episodes. Riley asked Josh why she and Maya liked the same boy, then Maya asked him why she acted in the ways she did. Not to mention, Lucas asked Josh what it meant that Riley and Evan talked all night. We can conclude that these three respect Josh's opinion and authority, so as the audience we're supposed to do the same.

Second-hand information is all Josh knows about this love triangle, but he's known Riley and Maya since childhood giving Josh some understanding of their personalities. He's aware that Riley's nurturing and open-minded whereas Maya's cynical and headstrong. But they're identical because both crave boyfriends who can broaden their horizons. Specifically, Maya desires an adventurous partner who can take down the world, as opposed to Riley craves a partner she can embrace the world with. Generally speaking, Josh has the triangle pieces, he doesn't have them all, but enough to make a judgment about the girls. Josh's unbiased behavior originates from the fact that no in this conflict has a clear perspective. Rucaya is biased because the conflict revolves them, with the supporting characters being unbiased because of their inconstancy. Zay is as indecisive as Lucas, and Smackle kept flirting with them. Farkle has a bias because he pressures Lucas' choice without grasping possible consequences himself. Also, it's assumed that Farkle wants Lucas to decide not just for his own mental peace, but more for the greater good of their clique. ('Triangle', 'Upstate') To say nothing of Evan wouldn't be fair, except he's only just met everyone, and show more affinity toward Riley. Lastly, the parents aren't unbiased because they will want Lucas for their own daughter. ('Upstate') What separates Josh from those listed is that he has no emotional stake allowing him a better perspective.

How I would've concluded the triangle is by denying Rucas and Lucaya to win because by having the girls reject Lucas, they're given roles of the romantic subject instead of the romantic object. With Rucas and Lucaya broke up, our protagonists learn two significant lessons: one, Maya and Riley learn fairy tale romances don't happen. Most importantly the trio – and audience – learn you are not owed a relationship, a boy/girl isn't a prize. Surprisingly, no one earned their relationship with each other; Lucas doesn't deserve them because he delayed deciding between the two years. Maya doesn't deserve Lucas because she never fought for her relationship, and Riley doesn't deserve it because she kept renouncing her Lucas relationship. By following a breakup outcome, the writers could have explored each characters' perspectives of their breakup. Does Maya eat ice cream, then punch a wall to deal with her heartbreak? Does Riley skip school, and go for walks to deal with her emotions? Maybe Lucas reverts into Texas Lucas before crying afterward. Anything would have been better than the canon ending.

Rival Couples

What makes Joshaya and Riarkle/Riarlie, and Rilaya popular is what made the Lucas pairings popular with the added reason of not wanting Lucas to get the girl. What separates Joshaya from Lucaya is that Joshaya is reciprocated and intentional. Riarkle I platonically and romantically shipped but in many ways I preferred Riley/Charlie over Riley/Lucas. 

Charlie Gardner wasn't as creepy except whenever Lucas confronted him over Riley. Charlie asks Riley to the spring formal and thinking he was Lucas she accepts his invitation. A hurt Lucas confronts them both and Charlie rightfully informs Lucas that if he wanted to date Riley he wouldn't have assumed that they were already going. When 'Texas 3' aired Lucas confronts them again with Charlie saying that if he was certain about Riley he wouldn't have agreed to date Maya. Lucas had his chance and Charlie wants his chance with her. This continues up until New Years Eve when Lucas argues with Charlie during the couple game, but Lucas being a creep isn't discussed after Smackle called him out on it. On the rooftop Charlie wants Riley standing with him at midnight then Riley tells him that he shouldn't settle for a girl who can't return his feelings. Charlie's saddened but not angry, and wishes that she find someone who can make her happy. Charlie even sits with Auggie (her brother) during the countdown to show he isn't angry at Riley. Like their classmates he is shocked at Farkle's revelation but nothing more. Consideration is what I liked about this couple even though Riley/Charlie lasted three episodes.

Complaints against Joshaya are: that Josh is a pedophile manipulating Maya's affections, Josh and Maya haven't known each other long enough to fall in love, and that they don't know anything about each other. What these statements mean is that said fans don't like Joshaya because it doesn't support their own pairing. 

Using the Boy Meets World timeline Josh is only 2 years, 6 weeks older than Maya. Eric was born June 1978 with Cory three years younger than Eric and  Josh born prematurely on Valentine's day 1999 when Cory's approximately 18 years old. Riley was born December 2001 and Maya says in 'Ski Lodge' that there's six weeks between her and Josh's birthdays. If Josh's birthday is 14 February then Maya's birthday falls on the last week of March or January. Technically Josh should only be a senior in high school and Maya a freshman by season three. 

Using Girl Meets World's timeline Joshaya's age difference still isn't illegal. When we're first introduced to Josh he is seventeen and has yet to graduate high school, and by season three Maya's fifteen and Josh is barely eighteen. With Romeo & Juliet laws if these two had sex it wouldn't be illegal. This is Disney Channel and the network bleeped out the sex-ed scene. Disney isn't going to tackle sexual relationships.

'Home for the Holidays' showed us that Maya and Josh haven't just met. Amy greets Maya by saying that it had been a while since they've seen her, and Josh says she grew up gorgeous. A stranger wouldn't have this familiarity like Maya and Josh do. Either Cory and Topanga bring Maya along with the family to Philadelphia often or Amy, Alan, and Josh visit New York often. Why the fandom thought this was Joshaya's first meeting was because of audience generations. Younger fans haven't heard of Joshua Matthews and this is their first time meeting this character. 1990s fans haven't seen this character in almost a decade and Josh seems strange because a new actor (Shelton) is portraying Josh instead of Jacobs' son. Jacobs confirmed in an interview that this wasn't the first time Joshaya met just that this is the first time Maya's developed a crush on him. Later Josh tells everyone in 'Game Night' that he'll be spending summer vacation with his brother and his family before beginning college. Maya and Josh will have three months to become more acquainted with one another.

Why I support this ship is that they are perceptive of each other. In 'Game Night' Josh realizing that Maya is maturing and in the ending of 'Tale Tot' admits that he needs to stop treating her like a child. During this episode, Maya says that she loves care caring he is around his family, particularly Auggie, and how he treasures his friendship with Cory. She admires how much he wants success but is afraid of letting his brother down. 

“I know you drive from Philadelphia to New York, not even looking if you got into NYU just so you could open your acceptance letter in front of your older brother because you love him, and you want him to be proud of you. And I see the way you are with Auggie. A little kid who looks up to you who you always have time for. And I know that even though you’d rather stay here with these girls, you’re going to walk Riley and me home. Because that’s just the kind of guy you are. I like you.” 

Maya's attracted to older boys because she's had to grow up faster than her peers. She wants someone who is ambitious. Finally, in 'Ski Lodge' it's Josh's turn to say what he's noticed about Maya. First off, he is fully aware that her feelings may change, pointing to her Lucas phase as an example, and that he crush on him maybe because she is searching for a father figure in a boyfriend. "Maybe it's because your dad left. Maybe it's because you've never felt that love." What he likes about her is that her experiences have made her one of the best friends anyone could have. He loves that her experiences have given her the warmest, biggest heart he's seen.

If three years are meaningless then why don't they date now? Since they aren't dating then doesn't that mean Josh is manipulating Maya?

No. It's awkward for Josh because he had seen Maya grow up and hasn't thought of her romantically yet. Maya's insecure about this when she sees him with the college recruiter or his roommates. ('First Date' and 'Tale Tot') During family game night Josh isn't unnerved by Maya's love and tolerates her flirting but he is still uncertain as to what it all means. By 'First Date' Josh's rejection by the recruiter allows him to empathize with Maya over her feelings toward him. By 'Ski Lodge' Josh gives his reason why they shouldn't date now. He doesn't want her pining after him for an eventually that may never come and that they should be on equal life levels before they begin dating. He reiterates this to Zay in 'Bear' by adding that whenever he and Maya date it will be Maya's decision in how they proceed. In 'New World' Rucas wanted to wait until they were ready but when Joshaya wants that too it's considered abusive or creepy. (And if the rumors were true the writers always intended to pairing Maya with a Matthews member. Before Elliot was written out the writers said Maya would end up with him.) I loved this because Josh is giving Maya a choice where Lucas never had. This is consent.

Who's to Blame: Jacobs or Disney?

Was Jacobs to blame with his sequel? No, his flaws were authorial intent and planning. Jacobs intended to gender-flip Boy Meets World, but he did not foresee a ship war and a broken fandom. He didn't intend for his new characters to regress into shallow imitations of Cory and Shawn. Over telling was the show's problem but from the beginning Jacobs had an uncertain audience. Generation Z was his targeted audience but teenagers may not be watching Disney Channel anymore and elementary school children comprise the network's audience. Children won't find a teenager's problems relevant yet. The 1990s generation sympathizes with Jacobs' plots but we're at different life experiences - college, children of our own – and we can't relate to them anymore. Who does Jacobs cater his storylines to?

Yet the Disney executive weren't blameworthy either. Hosting Girl Meets World was an intelligent decision on the network's part. Through the 1990s the Disney corporation fought for ABC/ABC Family networks and after Boy Meets World finished on ABC Family Disney Channel hosted reruns on its network. Taking on Girl Meets World would tap into the nostalgic market and help them sell merchandise and celebrities. When the series lost viewership mid-season 2 due to scheduling changes, this might have been why the love triangle was added into the storyline. The show made little income in terms of school supplies and dollar store book tie-ins. It's not surprising that Disney would prematurely cancel the show after three seasons. Consequently, canceling the show cemented the sequel's fate. If a host network can't remain invested in its own show, why should others like Netflix or Hulu invest in this show as well?

Conclusion

Comparing this show to Boy Meets World is unfair, by that comparison of course Girl Meets World is inferior. As a continuation, especially for a the Disney Channel this wasn't a bad show. What this show needed was a few more female writers and maybe another year to finetune Jacobs project, but I definitely would suggest Girl Meets World as a watchable television show.

http://gmw-trashs96.tumblr.com/post/134019376552/riley-matthews-metaish

http://sand1128.tumblr.com/post/157881155125/what-do-you-mean-severe-power-imbalance

https://mackmeta.tumblr.com/post/173838951689/accurate-girl-meets-world-colour-theories

http://fallen-karmacode.tumblr.com/post/132519063506/the-logic-of-love-stories-and-girl-meets-world

http://lewissimon.tumblr.com/post/155083626213/maya-and-lucas-vs-maya-and-josh-click-gifs-for

*1 Negative appropriation involves malicious intent, something Riley doesn't possess. Furthermore no one of Japanese descent offers their viewpoint so 'Popular' can't be considered negative appropriation. 'Girl Meets White Guilt' is an appropriate title instead of 'Popular.'

*2 Greek Loves are Storge, familial love; Eros, sexual love; Agape, universal love; Mania, obbssional love; Ludos, playful love; Pragma, practical love; Philia, brotherly love; and Philautia, self-love. Color Wheel theory of love describestromantic love using primary, secondary, and tertiary colours. For example Stogic Eros or Agapic Mania.

*3 The friend-zone doesn't exist. It blames girls for not reciprocating boy's feelings.

*4 Smurfvlogs is blinded by his shipping preferences to give a proper critique. Whether is Vampire Diaries or Disney programs he condemns opinions differing from his own. Better critics include: Lindsay Ellis (former Nostalgia Chick) who analyzes nostalgic shows without bias. Pop Culture Detective analyzes media that's detrimental to men and women. A great essay is Abduction As Love or Ellis' essay about RENT. The Disney Brain and Twisted Dan review Disney Channel work from Generation Z's perspective. And if you're look for shipping or theory channels, check out Shipper's Guide to the Universe or Game/Film Theory.

*5 plutoandferrett . tumblr post / 147762267190 / if-we-listened-to-fans-and-we-hear-about-lucaya

*6 The GMW wikia states that her birthday is 16 January, 2001. This may be a mathematical error or a continuity error.

[mortaems-blog]

*     taps     mic     *     so,     uh,     is     this     thing     on     ?     hello     !     my     name’s     stevie,     i’m     twenty     (     she/they     pns,     please     )     and     i’m     writing     out     of     aest     !     [     bill     hader     vc     ]     i     like     true     crime     and     pretending     like     i     don’t     have     a     million     things     to     do     outside     of     writing     !     anyways     !     under     the     cut     you’ll     find     information     about     francesca     ramorini,     ezra     kennedy     and     percy     frazer     !     u     know     the     drill,     like     this     &     i’ll     pop     into     your     ims     either     here     or     on     disc.ord     to     plot     !

francesca  magdalene  ramorini.  vampire.  old.

full  name:  francesca  magdalene  ramorini. physical  age:  thirty-one. real  age:  six  hundred  and  seventy  seven. birthplace:  milan,  italy. birthdate:  january  sixth,  1342. nationality:  italian. species:  vampire. gender  identity:  cis  female,  she/her  pronouns. sexuality:  bisexual.

when  i  say  she’s  old,  i  mean  old.  francesca  and  her  brother,  domenico,  are  from  13th  century  milan,  where  their  family  were  originally  some  of  the  most  prolific  hunters  in  italy.  the  ramorinis  had  been  vampire  hunters  for  years  previous,  but  it  was  their  parents  who  had  really  cemented  the  reputation  as  some  of  the  best.  the  ramorinis  were  a  big  name  in  milan  anyway,  just  because  of  how  ridiculously  wealthy  they  were.  these  guys  are  fucking  loaded.  they  were  very  much  the  apex  predator  in  the  milani  aristocracy  at  the  time.  naturally,  the  whole  ‘we’re  a  bunch  of  vampire  hunters’  thing  is  very  hidden,  concealed  under  the  family’s  reputation  as  the  owners  of  what  feels  like  an  impossibly  large  international  bank  that  funded  chunks  of  the  holy  roman  empire.  with  all  that  in  mind,  francesca  grows  up  with  absolutely  nothing  but  opulence,  and  their  parents  really  allow  her  to  grow  into  her  own  woman  ---  strong,  determined,  with  a  mind  for  both  family  trades.  there  was  never  any  chance  of  her  just  sitting  round  and  being  complacent  in  the  predetermination  of  her  life  ;  she’s  always  been  headstrong,  brave,  intelligent  and  opinionated,  too  loud  for  her  own  good,  a  face  to  turn  heads.  

they  have  a  younger  brother,  too,  fredo.  (  the  name  is  very  significant.  )  as  dom  and  francesca  started  to  learn  to  hunt  themselves,  they’d  often  end  up  with  fred  tagging  along,  and  for  the  most  part  that  was  fine.  fred’s  a  bit  of  a  weirdo,  but  having  them  around  wasn’t  so  bad   ---   until  one  particular  hunt.  really,  it’s  no  one’s  fault  (  despite  a  centuries-long  running  joke  that  it  was  fred  that  got  them  there  in  the  first  place  )   ;   it’s  a  case  of  wrong  place,  wrong  time.  anyways,  francesca  and  dom  were  turned  on  that  particular  hunt  and  their  entire  world  just  kinda  spun  out,  tbh.  they  were  so  accustomed  to  seeing  vampires  and  whatnot  as  the  absolute  enemy,  nothing  more  than  a  scourge  to  be  wiped  out   ---  but  now  they  were  part  of  that  scourge.  

francesca  especially  had  a  hard  time  dealing  with  the  transition.  everything  she  knew  was  flipped  on  its  head,  a  life  she  once  looked  forward  to  reveling  in  lost  in  the  blink  of  an  eye,  the  sink  of  a  fang.  the  transition  isn’t  easy,  but  she  shoulders  it  regardless  because  it’s  just  part  of  life  now.  she  gives  up  the  life  she  was  meant  to  have  and  forges  a  new  one  ---  and  she  thinks  she’ll  hate  it,  but  it  turns  out  to  be  oddly  freeing.  she  takes  up  art,  learns  to  paint  and  sculpt  from  some  of  the  greatest  ;  she  learns  more  than  she  ever  could  as  an  aristocrat,  becomes  rather  chameleonic  about  it  all.

so,  anyways  !  she  and  dom  are  in  louisiana  now,  in  this  massive  fucking  mansion  that  they  wrangled  ;  francesca  moonlights  as  any  number  of  different  jobs.  she  teaches  a  late - night  art  class,  runs  an  adult  ballet  class  (  she  danced  with  fonteyn  in  the  40s  )  ---  she’s  become  incredibly  comfortable  in  the  life  she’s  built.  falling  into  it  all  was  easier  than  she  ever  imagined  it  could  be.

anyways,  fun  facts:  

she  dresses  so  goddamn  well.  she  looks  good  literally  all  the  time,  and  she  fuckin  KNOWS  it  /  francesca  honey  stop  wearing  expensive  tailored  suits  everywhere  ur  going  to  make  men  insecure  

won’t  ever  shut  up  about  emily  dickinson  or  georgia  o’keeffe........  #ma’am  ur  crush  is  loud  and  painful

the  hot  aunt  aunt  at  the  dinner  party  who  simultaneously  judges  ur  decisions  and  encourages  them

yet  another  ramorini  casanova  ...  are  we  surprised  yet  (  no  )

ezra  riley  kennedy.  hunter.  twenty - one.

full  name:  ezra  riley  kennedy. physical  age:  twenty-one. birthplace:  hoboken,  new  jersey. birthdate:  july  ninth,  1998. nationality:  american. species:  human. gender  identity:  non-binary,  they/them  pronouns. sexuality:  pansexual.

i  need  it  known  right  fockin  now  that  i  would  literally  die  for  ezra  .  they’re  my  FUCKING  baby  and  i  won’t  shut  up  about  it

ezra  was  born  to  two  former  hunters  who  gave  up  the  minute  they  were  pregnant.  it  wasn’t  a  choice  they  were  particularly  willing  to  make,  and  despite  swearing  that  they’d  stop  after  having  kids  they  never  really  did.  almost  immediately  after  ezra  was  born  their  parents  were  back  out  hunting  again,  leaving  the  baby  with  their  grandparents.  as  such,  ezra’s  raised  entirely  by  their  maternal  grandparents.  they  simultaneously  teach  them  their  family  history  (  an  extensive  hunting  background,  the  expectations  that  sit  heavy  on  their  shoulders.  ezra’s  expected  to  carry  on  the  family  legacy  the  minute  they  turn  eighteen,  to  learn  how  to  hunt  and  kill.  admittedly,  it’s  a  shock  to  the  system.

they’re  not  in  much  contact  with  their  parents.  they  come  home  every  so  often,  greet  their  kid  and  go  straight  to  sleep.  there’s  very  little  real  interaction  /  gets  to  the  point  where  ezra  thinks  of  them  more  as  irritating  roommates  that  come  home  late  and  eat  everything  than  actual  parents.  their  loyalty  is  to  their  grandparents,  without  a  doubt.

ezra’s  keenly  aware  that  they’ve  got  no  choice  in  their  career,  but  they  can’t  help  but  want  some  kind  of  say  in  it.  they  excel  at  stem  subjects  in  school,  more  often  found  in  science  labs  testing  hypotheses  in  their  free  time  than  anywhere  else.  they’re  left  alone  more  often  than  not,  slipping  through  school  without  much  of  a  problem  until  they’re  sixteen  and  their  parents  die  in  the  middle  of  a  hunt.  it’s  a  rude  shock  to  the  system,  having  to  bury  both  parents  at  such  a  young  age  but  they  do  it  with  tremendous  grace  and  class.  shortly  after  the  funeral,  they  drop  out  of  school  to  start  hunting.

they’re  jaded  going  into  it,  definitely.  their  only  real  image  of  hunters  is  the  one  they  were  handed  by  their  parents   ---   of  dark  circles  under  eyes,  chain  smoking,  swallowing  bourbon  like  water,  passing  out,  rinse  and  repeat.  they’re  determined  to  break  that  mold,  to  do  something  different  but  they  won’t  lie,  they  considered  it  at  first.  for  their  first  few  hunts  they  tried  to  imitate  their  parents,  and  it  didn’t  turn  out  well   ---   so,  like  everything  else,  ezra  fits  it  to themself,  and  the  rest  is  history.  they  develop  their  own  style,  and  it  works.

hoboken  is  too  small,  not  enough  for  them  so  they  pack  up  and  move  off  to  louisiana.  (  they’d  found  an  old  journal  of  their  parents’,  with  notes  alluding  to  a  wish  to  move  to  new  orleans  and  despite  not  being  close  they  figured  it  might  be  a  good  idea.  )  they’ve  been  in  nola  for  about  a  year  now,  and  they’re  growing  to  love  it.  they’ve  always  been  a  city  kid,  and  there’s  something  about  nola  just  speaks  to  them.

so,  fun  facts:

super  good  with  technology.  they  fix  shit  in  their  free  time,  &  they  build  computers  n  shit   ?????

smells  like  frangipani  and  jasmine  and  ginger.  they  smell  really  fucking  good  for  some  reason

lots  of  denim  and  leather  and  yellow  in  their  outfits.  they’ve  got  one  particular  leather  jacket  for  hunting,  but  they  kinda  started  a  collection

angelic  in  every  single  way  possible

has  a  black  cat,  named  salem.  salem’s  a  good  cat.

percy  floyd  frazer.  witch.  twenty - four.

full  name:  percy  floyd  frazer. physical  age:  twenty-four. birthplace:  amsterdam,  the  netherlands. birthdate:  february  12th,  1995. nationality:  british. species:  witch. gender  identity:  demi  male,  he/they  pronouns. sexuality:  bisexual.

percy  .......  sighs.  i  love  him  so  fuckin  much

so  !  percy  is  born  to  two  english  witches  while  they’re  on  holiday  in  amsterdam,  a  pregnancy  that  both  parties  had  been  hoping  for  ;  their  household  was  starting  to  feel  awfully  lonely,  and  a  baby  sounded  like  the  perfect  way  to  round  it  all  out.  naturally,  though,  nothing  goes  to  plan  ---  his  arrival  puts  ‘unwarranted  stress’  on  his  dad,  who  cuts  his  losses  and  runs  about  a  month  after  percy’s  birth.  bit  of  a  dick  move,  but  let’s  move  on.  his  mother,  annaliese,  doesn’t  harbour  any  real  resentment  towards  his  dad  for  leaving  ;  she’d  fallen  in  love  with  amsterdam  on  their  brief  holiday  and  was  planning  on  breaking  up  and  moving  there  anyway.  

so  !  for  his  entire  childhood,  it’s  just  percy  and  his  mom,  and  it’s  the  best  kind  of  childhood  you  could  ask  for.  he  grows  up  watching  all  the  same  movies  as  his  mom,  reading  her  books  and  just  hanging  around  her  24/7.  ngl  he  kinda  had  the  coolest  childhood   ????   his  mom  loved  to  rent  out  her  favourite  bands’  old  tour  videos  and  there’s  many  an  afternoon  where  the  two  of  them  would  sit  there  and  just  listen  to  music  together.  their  relationship  is  very  similar  to  that  of  theo  and  his  mother  from  the  goldfinch,  if  that  gives  anyone  a  frame  of  reference.

he’s  about  thirteen  when  she  finally  sits  him  down,  tells  him  about  the  magic  that  whispers  a  steady  thrum  in  his  veins.  she  tells  him  about  the  uprising,  about  the  way  magic  has  become  outlawed,  how  he   has  to  learn  to  restrain  himself.  it’s  a  lot  for  someone  so  young  to  understand,  but  he  sits  through  it  patiently,  peppering  questions  here  and  there.  he  doesn’t  seem  particularly  enthused  about  his  heritage  (  really,  who  would  )   ---   his  mother  barely  holds  back  the  tremor  in  her  voice  throughout  the  conversation.

the  more  percy  learns  about  the  restriction  of  magic,  the  more  bitter  and  jaded  he  grows  about  it  all.  he  doesn’t  hate  himself,  nor  his  mother,  hates  the  pureblood  monarchy  with  such  a  passion  it’s  almost  terrifying.  he’s  sixteen  when  he  swears  off  magic,  tries  to  quash  it  down  the  best  he  can.  he  point - blank  refuses  to  accept  that  it’s  part  of  him,  and  tries  to  find  a  passion  that  distracts  him  from  it.  that  ends  up  being  music,  and  he  takes  to  it  like  a  fish  takes  to  water.  the  minute  he  picks  up  a  guitar,  it’s  like  his  world  makes  sense.

they’ve  been  living  in  amsterdam  this  entire  time,  wasting  afternoons  in  art  galleries  and  bakeries.  percy’s  eighteen  when  he  decides  that  it’s  time  to  spread  his  wings  and  move  away  ---  his  decision  is  hardly  precise,  he  throws  a  dart  at  a  map  and  hopes  for  the  best.  it  lands  on  new  orleans,  louisiana,  and  he  just  kinda  goes  with  it.  he  doesn’t  have  much  to  pack  up:  a  single  suitcase  full  of  clothes,  another  filled  with  books  and  dvds,  and  his  guitars,  that’s  it.  both  him  and  his  mom  cry  at  the  airport,  but  it’s  happy  crying.  

so,  anyways   !   he’s  been  in  louisiana  for  six  years  now,  and  he  loves  it.  when  he  first  moved  he  worked  any  number  of  casual  jobs,  but  he’s  settled  into  one  as  a  bookseller  in  an  indie  bookshop.  he  writes  film  +  music  reviews  for  a  number  of  online  sites  as  well,  so  he’s  got  himself  a  steady  lil  income.  

some  fun  facts:

dresses  like  an  utter  e-boy  and  i  won’t  apologise  for  it  

looks  n  acts  like  an  arrogant  prick  sometimes  but  truly....... sweet,  kind,  would  do  anything  for  the  people  he  loves  (  even  if  that  number  is  small  )

totally  pretentious  about  his  tastes.  don’t  start  him,  for  the  love  of  god

perpetually  got  his  glasses  on,  perpetually  holding  an  oversized  cup  of  tea

has  a  collection  of  tiny  little  tattoos  (  they’re  all  references  to  books / movies / music  he  loves  )

i  ............  love  him  a  lot

[licenselesswriter]

From November to June CH3

January 26, 2018

- Hey - Farkle says sitting in front of Maya while she was half of her baby carrots snack.

- Hey - she replies with a simple nod before going back to her snack.

- Is she still ignoring you? - Farkle asks opening a bag of chips.

- Yep - Maya replies, taking one of Farkle's chips when he offers some.

- Have you spoken to her? - Farkle asks before taking a chip, and then another.

- Why? It's not like I'm the one who needs to apologize - Maya says, knowing exactly what Farkle is pursuing with that selected conversation.

- She felt betrayed - Farkle defends Riley.

- Cry me a river - Maya replies and gets up - when you actually want to came to talk to me as a friend, send me a text - she adds and left Farkle alone.

Knowing that he screws things again.

 Maya walks outside, she needed desperately some fresh air. She sits on the bleachers in front of the brand-new baseball cages.

- Never felt you as someone who wants to try baseball - she heard to her back, and her smile grows a bit.

- Honestly, I'm here for the cute left field - she replies.

- Awww, you have a crush on me - Zay says sitting next to her - So, want to share the story or just want a silent friend? - he asks.

- A bit of both - Maya says and focuses on the grey sky of January - Farkle is totally on her side - she comments.

Zay looks up at the sky - Are you surprised? - he asks back.

- Not really - Maya answers.

They both share a laugh.

- How much for the 20 weeks? - Zay asks.

- Like 5 weeks, why? - Maya asks back.

- Well, usually at that time you get to know the gender - he explained, then look at her - What do you think it's gonna be, baby boy or baby girl? - he asks back.

- What’s with you and Huckleberry and all the questions you make? - she asks trying to avoid thinking about the sex of her future son or daughter.

- I think it's gonna be a boy - Zay says, completely ignoring Maya's question - Lucas think it's gonna be a girl, but that's not a surprise - he adds and Maya looks at him curiously.

- Maybe for you - Maya says still looking at the baseball cages - Why "Dusk till Dawn" like baby girls? - she asks and Zay looked at her surprised.

- I'm changing his contact info right now - Zay says with his usual wide smile - Looks like his family can't have anything but men, all his cousins? Men. Their kids? Men. His family? All brothers, no sisters - he explains while Maya looks surprised by the family of her friend - That's why he loves going to my house when my sisters came to visit - he adds and Maya looks at him expectantly - Only 3 boys in the family, including me - Zay says and winks at her.

- Now all the Papa Friar makes more sense - Maya says.

Zay chokes with his own saliva - I'm sorry? Papa Friar? - he asks in complete shock.

- Please don't make weird assumptions - Maya replies tiredly. Zay was not the first to suggest that - It's just a nickname, and please, keep that nickname between us - she says and Zay looks at the cages with a smile.

- Don't worry, my lips are sealed, Maya Papaya - he replies and locks an imaginary zipper over his lips.

Suddenly the snow starts to fall, and they both were forced to rush inside.

When they get inside, Riley was there, and Farkle was failing at stopping her.

- So, you can't fight your own fights now? - she asks Maya, showing a new emotion for her.

Anger.

- Well, I've always considered myself a brawler, so I pretty much have no idea what are you... - Maya says looking at her best friend.

- Next time, don't try to ruin things between me and Lucas - Riley says interrupting her.

Maya looked at Riley confused, and then her mind connects the dots - Oh, so this is about Huckleberry - Maya says and gives Riley a condescending smile, which infuriates her more.

- Don't feel superior just because we have great friends, behind that condescending look it's only a slut who got herself pregnant - Riley explodes and fastly covers her mouth.

The hall went completely silent, Farkle looked everything from the distance covering his eyes, Zay was pissed off, but in silence, and Maya, she just looks at Riley like nothing can affect her.

- Did you finish? - she asks Riley.

The brunette refuses to look back at her.

- I might be a slut, but trust me, that's none of your business Pinkie Pie - Maya says dead serious - It's my problem who I allow in my bed, not yours - she adds and walk past the brunette directly to Farkle - How lucky I am that you Love us equally, right? - she says to him in her most sarcastic tone.

When Maya left, Zay look at them both - You - he says raising his voice, startling Riley - Grow the fuck up - he says and then looks at Farkle - And you - he adds walking to the genius - Grow a pair of balls, you could have stopped her before she opened her mouth - he says in a whisper, before running after Maya.

Maya didn't have the mood to deal with the sociopathy her friend had. Thankfully for her, since she confesses her pregnancy, Shawn raised the money he usually gives her.

She runs a few blocks, with a belly barely noticeable under her winter clothes and stops in a music store. She refugees from the snow under the covered sidewalk and gets herself an Uber.

 A few hours later, Maya heard a knock on her door. She takes a peek through the magic eye on her door and saw Lucas. She grabs her phone and fastly texts him. She was able to hear the "ding" of his phone, and spying through the magic eye she saw his reaction.

- Ok, first of all, I'm not that, second, my mother is not that, and third, I'm not gonna put that there, that's fucking gross and probably deadly if you consider the size of my hands - he defends himself.

- Congrats Huckleberry, you know how to read - she sarcastically says - Now go, I'm not in the mood to deal with your bullshit - she claims and walked back to her room.

Outside her apartment, Lucas let a deep sigh in exhaustion. He grabs his phone and calls Maya - Can you please open the door? - he asks her and she just hangs up.

Refusing to resign, he dials her again - Fine, you don't want to see me, I can deal with that, can you at least hear me out? - he asks, hoping for the best.

- No - Maya replies and hang up on him again.

- Fine - Lucas says outside her apartment and fastly starts to text her.

"I know you probably hate me right now, I'm sorry I meddle between you and Riley and that stupid fight that was totally Riley's fault, I tried the best but I failed, sorry, shit happens, I left homemade brownies at your doorstep, please come to pick them up, and yes, I'm gonna leave, I shit on too many things today to keep shiting on more, and again, I'm sorry".

Maya finishes reading his text and then saw the pic attached, showing where he left the paper bag with brownies. She walks to her door and peeks again through the magic eye, surprised for a second for not seeing anyone. She opens the door and realizes that Lucas really left. She picks the paper bag and delicately opened, smelling the baked goods inside - My God Mrs. Friar, I need to learn to bake like you - she says, recognizing who made her next meal.

She closes her door and gets back into her room. she puts the brownies bag on her desk and then sits on her stool. Instinctively her hands move to the painting palette Lucas gave her last Christmas. Then pour some of the oil paintings on the palette and softly let her mind wanderer on the white canvas. Blue and black softly starts to cover it, very dark, imitating her mood, and then, another brush. Little white marks over the blue and black canvas. she changes the brush again and makes some remarks in the black paint with some dark green. She cleans the brush with white paint and gets another brownie. She walks away from the canvas; she grabs her phone and sends a text. In seconds her phone buzzes, she smiles and grabs the "History of Bauhaus" book that Shawn gave her last Christmas and lay on her bed. With pretty much zero attention she starts to pass through the pages. She didn't notice how much time has passed when she heard a knock on her door, she gets up her bed and walks to the door, she opens the door and Zay was there.

- I honestly hope that you call me here only because you like my company and not because you wanted vanilla ice cream for those brownies - he says with his usual smile and bag with a pint of vanilla ice cream.

- I'm sorry I'm breaking your heart, but I'm just using you to get ice cream - she answers and let him in.

Zay gets into the apartment faking a heart attack - Ah, my poor heart - he jokes and takes off his coat and put it on the coat hanger.

- I still have brownies - Maya says.

- Awww you Love me - Zay replies with his both hands over his heart.

- Of course, I Love you, smartass - Maya replies making Zay looks moved by her words - Do you think I would let anyone get in my apartment? Oh fuck - she says when Zay smile.

- You're lucky I'm your friend because that would be a sick burn - he says.

- Yeah, yeah, I walk right into that - she says going to the kitchen for 2 little bowls.

They both walk to her room and Zay just sits in the floor while Maya lays on her bed - So, ice cream and brownies - Zay says taking a brownie from the bag Maya had, now, on her bed.

- We are not gonna talk about what happened today - she says and grabs her phone - Siri, play "In the lonely hour" - she says to her phone and a few seconds later the album starts to blast on her phone.

- Wow, Sam Smith's first album - Zay says looking at his blonde friend - That must be a hell of a hit - he adds.

- Well, I still love her like she was my sister - Maya replies putting a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

Zay just put the bowl on the floor and get on his knees, looking at her - Cuddle? - he asks.

- Cuddle - she replies and he lay on her bed while she softly snuggles with him.

Zay put his arms around her shoulders and strokes her hair. They talk about the future, she tells him that she's not planning on getting into college, and with his experience, Zay understands why.

After an hour, Zay gets up from her bed, and after a fast trip to the bathroom he returns, stopping in front of the half-painted canvas - I can't believe he actually gets you the palette - he says and gets closer to the canvas - I've seen this place - he adds, making Maya curious.

- Really? - she asks and gets up to take a look again to her painting.

They look at the canvas in detail and Zay finally notices something that makes him choke.

- Easy there Hunkalicious - Maya says and slowly caresses his back.

Zay just looks at Maya and then back at the painting. The clear dark sky, the bright stars, and most importantly, the tress. Zay notices the curiosity on his friend’s face, "She did it without thinking" he thought to himself - Nah, it looks like a place where I used to go, but not completely the same, my bad - he lies, and Maya just looks at her stoic.

Thankfully, they both were interrupted by Katy - Hey baby girl, Zay - she says to them. Maya hugs her mother and Zay just lift his hand in a way to greet her - I'm gonna order Chinese, Zay are you gonna join us tonight? - she asks.

Zay just looks at Maya, and she smiles at him - It would be my pleasure, Mrs. Hunter - he replies.

[mrswalkers-blog]

Falling in Love with you

Chapter 4 - Homecoming

Book: The Royal Romance ( Drake x MC & Liam)

Summary:  Drake is back home. Savannah tells him about Bartie and Bertrand. He is getting fond of the stranger he found out he is married to. He has to convince the nobels that he still remembers them. But in the middle of all this, he hears some gossip that he cannot ignore.

Warnings: PG 15+ for language. Future Chapters will be tagged accordingly.

A/N: I am sad as TRR ended yesterday. But it has not ended for me. I will try to keep it alive in my fics. This is my first series. Please like, comment or reblog. I can use all feedbacks, positive and negative.

Word Count : 4200+

FaceClaim: Drake Walker - Daniel Di Tomasso

Riley Walker (Brooks) - Katrina Kaif

King Liam Rhys - Daniel Henney

Previous Chapter: Prologue – The Fight,

Chapter 1- The Accident,

Chapter 2 - Riley’s birthday

Chapter 3 - Who am I?

Drake tried to ignore the threat he saw on his way back. But he couldn't ignore Riley’s reaction. He was sure she saw the poster, but still, she pretended to have not seen it. He wanted to confront her but thought it best to ignore it.

Soon they arrived at their estate in Valtoria.  ‘This place is huge!’ his jaw dropped looking at the huge mansion. ‘Are you sure this is where I live?’  

‘Ofcourse! Now come, there are people waiting for us.’ Riley smiled, grabbed his hand and led him to the inside of the mansion.

‘Drakie! Drakie!’ a toddler of about four years ran towards Drake and hugged his leg as soon as he entered the hall. ‘I missed you.’ He said looking up to him.

Drake sat down on his knees, looking at the kid,’ Hi there.’ He smiled, as Bartie hugged him.

Drake looked at Riley and gestured her to ask who the kid was. His eyes followed hers and noticed Savannah trying to speak.

‘He is Bartie, Drake. Your nephew.’ Savannah said hesitantly.

Savannah’s son? He looked at her in confusion for a moment. He noticed she was looking at him apologetically. So this is the reason she left.

Drake stood up, trying to ask Savannah something when Bartie grabbed his hand, ‘Drakie, come, I will show you what Riley got me!’ he said pulling him. Drake stood frozen, looking at Savannah.

‘Bartie! Drake will come soon, first let me show you what more I have for you.’ Riley offered her hand to Bartie, who excitedly ran towards her. Riley led the toddler away, giving Savannah and Drake some time to talk.

Savannah filled Drake in with why she moved to Paris, how Maxwell Helped her with finances, how Drake and Riley found her in Paris, and that last year she got married to Bertrand. Drake listened to her story silently. He was not sure how he should react to it. Savannah assured him that she is happy with him, and led him to Bartie’s room where Riley was playing with the toddler.

As soon as Bartie saw Drake entering the room, he ran towards him and started showing his new toys and books excitedly. Drake tried to smile and show surprise to amuse the toddler, but his mind was wandering off. He never liked Bertrand, he never understood why Savannah was impressed by the Beaumont brothers. Now he was his brother in law. and Maxwell knew, he knew and didn't tell me. He knew how worried I was for her. 

Savannah saw Drake’s knuckle turning white as he was holding Bartie’s toy tightly in his hands, his eyes focused far. ‘I guess it is time Drake takes some rest.’ She said requesting Riley.

Riley kept her hand on Drake’s shoulder bringing him back to present. ‘Come I will give you the tour of the estate.’

They walked down the corridor on the second floor, towards their bedroom, Riley pointed out several doors mentioning what was there behind them, Drake walked behind her, not paying any attention to her. He almost bumped into her as she stopped abruptly in front of a door.’You look lost more ways than one.’ She said holding his arms. ‘No, I am here.’ He shook his head.

‘This is Liam’s room. We redecorated this guest room for him.’ She said pointing to the door she stopped in front of. She pulled him with her further to the other wing of the mansion, Drake again got lost in thoughts about Savannah. He felt anger boiling inside him, he felt he could kill Bertrand if he came in front of him. But she is married to him now. She said she is happy.  He thought, trying to calm himself down.

‘And this is us’ Riley said opening doors to a huge master bedroom. She smiled turning to face Drake who was still standing at the door. She again held his hand and pulled him in. Drake looked around the huge bedroom, it really was fit for a Duchess. He had seen such lavish rooms before, but one wall caught his eye. It was filled with pictures of him and Riley, taken at different places, at a beach, on the mountains, in wild. He could recognize himself but still couldn't believe that the person who was smiling in all of the pictures, who was kissing, hugging, holding hands with Riley was really him. He never liked taking pictures. He actually hated them. Maxwell had about a hundred pictures of Drake in his mobile, where he had covered his face with his palm. But these pictures were showing a different story. Here he was happy, smiling from ear to ear, having fun with Riley, his wife.

He looked at Riley, who was looking at him biting her lip. He still didn't know much about her but was getting fond of her. He gave her a short smile. 

‘Come, let me show you your favorite spot.’ she reached her hand out. Drake despite his instinct to ignore her, held her hand. She led him to a nearby room. It was a study, two walls completely filled with books neatly stacked on wooden racks. A large window on one wall looking at the mountains. One wall that had the door and a couch with a coffee table. In the middle of the room was a desk with one chair.

Drake ran his hand on the books. Some were of his favorite writers, some on diplomacy, courtly etiquette,  public speaking, management and some on pregnancy and parenting too. ‘Do I read all these?’ he said pointing to them.

‘This is all you.’ she said, ‘I only came here to distract you.’

Drake sat down at his desk. There was nothing on it. He opened the drawers and rummaged through the papers when something furry brushed against his hand. He reached to pull out black furry handcuffs. He realized that Riley is looking at him. He stuffed the handcuffs back in the drawer as his cheeks turned red.

'I never imagined myself getting into such stuff’ he said shyly, rubbing the back of his neck, looking down.

'Umm… Actually… They were a gift …from me.’ Riley said blushing.

Drake looked at Riley with amazement, he tried to say something when they heard a knock.

‘Come In.’ Riley said turning towards the door.

Hana opened the door and walked in with a small box in her hands. ‘Hey, How are you Drake?’ she gave him a friendly smile.

Drake looked at her for a long moment, trying to remember her. ‘I have seen you somewhere. Were you one of Liam’s suitors? From China?’ he asked.

‘Yes, but now I am Riley’s best friend and your friend too. I live here and help you both with your duties.’ she said handing him the box.

‘This is your new phone. Your old one was destroyed in the accident. We have synched all contacts in this. We have changed your number, though, we don't want others to bother you right now. ‘ she said as Drake kept the phone on the desk. 

She approached him and opened a drawer of the desk, she took out a small bag from it. She reached inside the bag and pulled out a ring, a wedding ring. She placed it in her palm and offered it to Drake. Drake looked at her and the ring, unsure if he really wants to wear it. Riley slowly recoiled sensing his hesitation. But Drake grabbed her wrist and took the ring and put it on his wedding finger.

‘No point denying the fact that I am married.’ He said with a smirk.

They heard a knock and turned to see Liam at the door.

‘Welcome home Duke!’ he smiled at Drake.’Are you not going to get ready for the Ball tonight.’

‘I have not told him about the Ball yet.’ Riley pressed her lips.

‘A Ball? What for?’

‘For your Homecoming! You are the Duke. You have returned home after the accident. Everyone wants to meet you.’

‘Everyone as in nobles?’ Drake frowned.

Liam laughed, ‘Nobels, Bureaucrats, and businessmen associated with you. And your King. ‘ he said pointing to himself.

Drake chuckled, shaking his head.’I keep forgetting that you are the King now. ‘

‘Thats ok.’, Liam waved his hand dismissively’ Just never forget that I am your friend first.’ 

‘So, all these people want to meet me and they have no clue about my amnesia?’

‘No, and I want it to remain a secret. I am hoping that you regain your memory soon. Till then it is better for Valtoria that we pretend everything is fine.’

‘What if I never regain my memory?’

‘I will wish that it doesn't happen. But we will cross that bridge when it comes. Right now, we need to work on you.’

‘I am not sure how we are going to convince a bunch of people that I am a noble and I know them?’

‘You do know most of them. You just don't know that they respect you or at least notice you now. And they will not be with you all the time. You will just have a few minutes or seconds with each of them. I am sure if I guide you, you will be able to pull it off. And your assistant John will be there to help you if you need.’

Liam sat down on the couch and pulled his mobile phone out to show Drake some pictures of the invitees to the ball. 

‘This is going to be a long session, I guess we should leave you, two gentlemen, to work.’ Riley said and gestured to Hana join her. Liam looked at Riley leave for a long moment, he didn't realize when Drake came and sat beside him till he heard him say,’So, let's get started.’

---

After an hour of an exhausting session of introductions of more than two dozen V.I.P.s, Drake gave up. He didn't want to look at another picture of some stuffy noble and try to understand how he was important for Valtoria. He assured Liam that he will do his best and he will just imitate what he saw Liam do around nobles all the time. He found his way to his bedroom but hesitated at the door.  He knocked and waited for Riley to respond, but even after knocking three times, there was no reply. Maybe she is not in, he thought and slowly opened the door. The bedroom was empty. He opened a closet hoping to be his, but it had women’s dresses and accessories. He opened the second one to find some suits hanging. This should be mine. He considered wearing the comfortable white t-shirt and denim jackets which were stacked on the bottom shelf but went for the suit instead. I need to pick a suit. Which one would Liam pick? he asked himself and chose one. 

He had just removed his shirt and belt when we heard a door close. A strong smell of coconut reached his nose. He took a deep breath enjoying the intoxicating smell as he turned to look Riley coming out of the bathroom after a shower. Her hair was tied in a towel on her head and another one barely covered her dripping body. His eyes lingered on her figure as she removed the towel wrapped in her hair. Brown wet locks fell on her shoulders. Water droplets trickled down her smooth skin and vanished in the towel covering her breasts. She walked sensuously towards him. She locked her eyes with him as she wrapped her arms around him. Drake found himself leaning towards her as she pressed her lips to his. The whole world melted as their kiss turned from soft to fierce. Drake wrapped his hands around her, pulling her close. Their hands exploring each others body. An overwhelming feeling enveloped Drake. This was definitely not his first kiss, but somehow it was something he had never experienced before. No one had ever kissed him pouring their love and passion in it. 

They broke the kiss gasping for air, their chest raising and lowering. Drake looked into her dark brown eyes, big and beautiful. His eyes wandered on her face. ‘You are beautiful!’ he whispered. She smiled as her cheeks turned red. Drake realized this was the first time he saw her without her makeup. He brushed the back of his hand on her cheeks.

‘We are going to be late.’ she whispered. 

‘Oh, the ball! Yeah! we should get ready.’ Drake said as if coming out of a trans. He took a reluctant step back.

‘We can sneak out of the ball later if you want.’ she said, a mischievous smile playing on her lips.

‘Are you sure? Won't they miss the host?’ Drake said running a hand in his hair.

‘Wont be our first time.’ she smirked. Drake watched her pick a dress and walk back to the changing room. He felt a rare smile on his lips.

---

Drake has attended a lot of balls in his life. But every time, he would hit the bar, order a whiskey and sit in a corner enjoying his drink. Tonight, it was simply not possible. Every eye in the room turned to him as he and Riley entered the ballroom. Riley stood by her side for a long time as many nobles came to greet Duke Drake Walker. She would sense when Drake was getting confused about a noble. She would whisper their names or posts in his ears surreptitiously. 

‘I should mingle with the guest now.’ she said when almost everyone had greeted Drake. 

‘Yeah!’ Drake sighed. He was exhausted. The nobles that never gave him a second look came to greet him standing in a line. He shuddered at the thought that he himself had turned into one of them, pretentious, selfish and snob.

‘Duke Drake Walker without a drink! That’s something I never expected to see at a party.’ Drake turned to see Liam approaching him.

‘Frankly, I could use a drink now. But the doctor has asked me to stay away from alcohol for a few days. It will help my memory, so.’ Drake forced a smile.

‘Want to try a virgin Mojito?’ he asked but didn't wait for an answer as he ordered a waiter to bring a virgin mojito.

‘So, Your Majesty, I hope you are enjoying our hospitality.’ Drake said and immediately shuddered.

Liam laughed, ‘You know you don't have to be formal around me. At least not when we are alone.’  

Drake smiled.

‘Any luck remembering?’ Liam asked.

‘None yet! I have so many questions, nothing makes any sense. Savannah married to Bertrand. I married a beautiful duchess. What the hell happened in the last three years?’ Drake said picking up the glass of virgin mojito the waiter brought him. 

‘A lot!’ Liam sighed. ‘ You will learn everything soon.’ he said raising his glass.

Drake raised his. 

‘Well, see you around. There are few guests I need to meet.’ Liam pats Drake on his shoulder and walked to a group of people Drake barely knew.

---

After dodging a few more enthusiastic guests, he found himself alone. He sighed a breath of relief. He walked to the balcony to breathe some fresh air. He stood in the balcony, leaning against the railing, facing the hall. He could see almost the entire hall from here and nobody seemed to notice him there. He had spent his life in shadows and he was feeling comfortable in the shadow. He would spend entire parties observing people. He was a very good observer. His eyes roamed to the beautiful women who somehow was his wife. She was standing there with Savannah and some other nobles. Bertrand couldn't attend the ball due to some of his prior commitments. His eyes roamed around other nobles he knew, Madeleine, Kiara, Hana chatting in one corner and Neville and Rashad discussing something in another corner. He saw Liam chatting with some businessmen he didn't remember. A normal pretentious ball with pretentious people and pretentious food. He sighed. He was getting bored. But suddenly he noticed something he didn't expect to see.

He noticed Liam sneaking glances at Riley. He ignored it for the first two times he noticed. But couldn't ignore it anymore. He had known Liam since birth. If he was interested in a girl, he was the first one to know. Even before Liam told him. He noticed how Liam’s eyes sparkled every time he saw Riley. He saw Liam walk towards Riley. Riley smiled and curtsied to him. He saw them talking. His eyes fixed on them trying to get more information from their body language. But he didn't find anything inappropriate. Just the glow on Liam’s face, that was not there before. 

No this cannot be true. I am imagining things. He said to himself turning his back to the hall, focusing on the river flowing below. Liam would never do that to me. He assured himself. He took a deep breath to clear his head. When he heard his name in a conversation.

‘Looking for Drake?‘. A woman’s voice. 

‘What? No! I was just….’ another woman, a familiar voice. He tried to remember who's voice was that.

‘You won’t find him near Riley when Liam is around.’ the first woman said. Drake leaped behind the door to eavesdrop on their conversation.

‘What are you implying, Madeleine?’ asked the second woman.

‘You are too naïve! Kiara. Can’t you see how Liam looks at her still? He still loves her, he always has.’ Madeleine said as if stating the obvious.

‘But he is married. And so is she. I thought she loved Drake!’ Kiara asked. 

‘Oh! She can never be satisfied with one man. She was sneaking around with Drake when she was Liam’s suitor, she was sneaking around with Drake when she was Liam’s mistress, you know… when Liam was engaged to me. And now, she is still his mistress even when Liam is married to Olivia.’ Madeleine said. Drake moved a little trying to get a view of the two ladies as he listened to them hidden behind the balcony door, his hands in a tight fist, lips pressed.

‘I don’t believe it.’ Kiara said shaking her head.

‘Oh yeah! Then tell me why Liam visits Valtoria twice a month every month! He even has his own room here.’

‘That doesn’t prove anything!’ Kiara waived her hand rejecting the argument.

‘You can’t have certain proofs for such things. But there are clear signs, Tell me why Olivia is not pregnant even after one year of marriage? Why all the proposals from Valtoria get cleared right away when all other duchy’s proposals have to wait or get rejected.’

‘I always thought she would get married to Liam’ Kiara said.’ But she fell in love with Drake!’

'Or maybe, Liam thought she was not fit to be the Queen. Olivia is a much better queen than she would ever be.’

‘Do you think Drake knows?’

‘I don’t know, but I don’t think Drake can stand up to Liam even if he knew. He is under a lot of debt of Liam. ‘

---

Liam’s suitor

Liam’s mistress

You won’t find him near Riley when Liam is around.

I don’t think Drake can stand up to Liam.

Madeleine and Kiara’s conversation kept swirling around in his head. This cannot be true! Liam wouldn’t do this to me. He kept saying himself as he walked down the deserted corridor. Trying to ignore what he heard, but he couldn’t ignore what he saw. Liam was very good at hiding his emotions because of his training, but Drake could still read him like a book. There was no denying that his gaze was always searching for her. 

Drake stopped as he realized he was standing outside Liam’s room. He looked on his both sides making sure that no one was there. Everyone was at the party, this was his chance.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he turned the knob and entered Liam’s room. He closed it behind him and looked around. He opened the closet door, Liam’s many suits were hanged on the top shelf. He opened the drawers to find his ties, watches, cufflinks and other accessories. He searched the bottom shelf, to find his shoes lined neatly. There was nothing in his closet that could confirm his doubts. He closed it and walked to the study table. 

His laptop was sitting on the table. He tried to open it but it was locked. He tried a few passwords that he knew Liam used, but none of it worked. He closed the laptop and opened the drawer of the table. He found Liam’s diary. He opened it and skimmed through the pages, but it only had appointments and notes. He was about to put it back when something fell out of his diary. He bent down to pick it up. But his hands froze as he realized they were pictures of Liam and Riley.

One picture was at the beach, Riley was kissing him on his cheek. Another one of them dancing at a ball clearly lost in each other’s eyes. One more of them kissing, maybe on the Ney York street.

Drake found his heart beating fast. So everything that I heard was true. She was with Liam. Maybe she still is.

He kept the pictures back in the diary and put the diary back in the drawer. He sat on the chair, like a broken man. His hands holding the arms of the chair, head resting on the head of the chair, eyes looking up at the ceiling. Part of him wanted to deny all this, pretend he never found any of this. He trusted Liam. And knew he would never betray him. But he knew Liam, Liam could get any girl he wanted, if he liked Riley, there was no way he wouldn’t get her. There was no way she would choose him over Liam.

Does she even love me? Or she married me just to show the world a perfect picture. A picture, she and Liam could hide behind.

He opened Liam’s laptop again and entered the password: Riley. The laptop unlocked. He locked it again and placed it just as it was before.

He got out of Liam’s room and walked to his study. He flopped down on the couch. his hand in his hair, eyes searching for answers, focused at the ceiling. He found his body burning in rage. He wanted to shout, to throw everything away. His best friend betrayed him. Or maybe he knew, and couldn't do anything about it. Maybe he watched his best friend fuck his wife in front of him.

He pushed the coffee table hard with his leg. He had to get these thoughts out of his head. NOW! He frantically searched the study for a drink until he found a whiskey bottle. He poured himself a glass and gulped it down. The burning feeling of whiskey in his throat was still soothing compared to the burn he was feeling in his body. He loosened his tie and threw it on the floor. Soon his suit, shirt, and pants joined it on the floor. He looked at his hand, the metal ring on his finger. He pulled it out and threw it at the window. The ring collided with the window and bounced back on the floor, rolling away.

He sat down, wearing his boxers, leaning against a wall with the whiskey and glass in his hands. His eyes teared with anger as he gulped down two, three or maybe five, six glasses till he realized he had emptied the entire bottle. But the thoughts still didn't leave him. He could see Liam kissing Riley, Riley dancing with him, looking happy right in front of him. He stood up, trying to shout at the hazy figures of Riley and Liam, but the whole world started spinning around him. He took a step or two and passed out on the couch.

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Pixelberry.

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[seriestrash]

The Story of Us

PROLOGUE || 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 

Chapter Eight: Our Story 

Word Count: 3503

✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮ ✮

Thursday morning arrives and Riley wakes for school, thus marking roughly 24 hours before she was set to leave this town for the strong possibility of forever. 

Riley was smart enough to know that a timeframe made sense. Ever since Mabel brought it up the brunette stored that away as fact as it sounded very much like her mother to have things meticulously planned out. It was just a matter of how long Topanga had in mind that Riley couldn’t work out. What magic number of days, weeks or months, was it that would fix her? But, even believing the timeframe to be fact, there was something about this weekend, some feeling deep in the pit of her stomach that Riley couldn’t explain with logic. She knew when she returned to New York she wouldn’t be coming back, not to live anyway. Maybe she’d get to visit Jed but Riley knew that this was a one way ticket back to Maya, back to her old life.

That brought on a mixture of emotions for Riley. Yes, she wanted to go home desperately but it hurt to think of the people she’d be leaving behind. This is something Riley pushes to the back of her mind. Right now the brunette was just bursting with excitement to share with Lucas what she learnt last night. 

Once on the bus Riley realises Lucas wasn’t catching it and would have to contain herself until they met up at school but alas he was nowhere to be found. Riley parted with Mabel in search of Lucas and the twins or anyone who could give her an idea of where to find Lucas. 

Riley nearly pummels Tristan when she spots him by his locker, Thomas right beside him and a third face which caught Riley by surprise. 

“Zay, what are you doing here?” The surprise transferred into her tone. 

“Need I remind you, you’re in my hometown,” Zay chuckles. 

“I’m well aware,” Riley lets out a soft laugh too. “I thought you were visiting... Why are you at school?” 

“Oh, I am visiting.” Zay nods. “I just thought I’d tag along to classes while I’m here too.” 

“Right...” Riley let out a nervous giggle at how silly that sounded, she shakes her head quickly and returns to the point. “Have any of you seen Lucas this morning? He wasn’t on the bus and I really want to tell him something.” 

“Oh yeah?” A smirk creeps upon Thomas’ face. A reaction that confuses Riley. 

“Yes...” She knits her brows. “So have you seen him?” 

“He’s not coming today.” Tristan answers simply as he ignores his brothers funny reaction. “He’s spending the day with his brother, Jacob.” 

Riley deflates. “You mean he’s ditching my last day of school?” 

Tristan sticks out his bottom lip, “ ‘fraid so.” 

Riley lets out a heavy sigh. “I guess I will just catch up with him after.” 

“If it makes you feel any better I can be your stand in Lucas for the day?” Zay offers as half a joke but also half seriously. He goofily readjusts his stance to imitate that of Lucas but it looks awkward and stiff which warrants a giggle from Riley. 

“I think I’d prefer it if everyone was just themselves.” Riley says softly remembering her chat with Lucas the evening before. “Well I’m going to catch up with Mabel before first period, I’ll see you all there.” Riley bounced once on her toes, ready to bop away but Tristan gentle grabs at her wrist and stops her first. 

“Oh Riley, I wanted to talk to you about, Mabel.” Tristan says. 

Riley stills and gives Tristan her undivided attention. 

“So I’m taking Zay to the dance,” Tristan opens. 

“He’s who you used your free pass on?” Half a laugh escapes her. 

“Yeah, we’ve kind of had this thing going for most our lives.” Tristan jokes. 

“Seriously?” Riley pricks up a brow suspiciously. 

“No,” Tristan tries to control his laughter, “But it excites me how quickly you believed it.” 

Zay stands behind Tristan and gives Riley a pretend tortured face and smacks his friend over the back of the head playfully. Tristan turns around to give him a shove in the shoulder and breaks away with Riley as they walk the halls. 

“Mabel. You said you wanted to talk about her?” Riley tries to circle back to the point. 

“Yeah, well I’m going with Zay but do you think she’d like to come with us?” Tristan asks. “Like as a fun group thing?” 

Riley smiles at the idea. “Yeah, I think she’d love that actually.” 

The two part and Riley finds Mabel again. She words up her friend about Tristan’s plan to ask her to the dance. This was a security measure on Riley’s behalf so her friend couldn’t turn Tristan down on the spot. It took a little persuading but Mabel agrees to go with Zay and Tristan, actually, she was quite excited for it. She just wished Riley would be there too. 

Once school wraps up Riley practically jogs off the bus and down the street towards Lucas’ house. The excitement had been bubbling inside her all day. Riley’s knuckles quickly collide with the wooden door in a repetitive tap. A face she’s only seen in a photograph answers the door. Riley sucks in a slight breath, surprised to see him even though she knew he was there. It’s Jacob.

Pleasant surprise washes over the college boy. “Well hello, little darlin’.”

A nervous chuckle escapes Riley, surprising herself that she produced the sound. With a gentle shake of her head, Riley returns to the point of her visit “Is Lucas home?”

“He is.” A nod. “You must be, Riley.”

“Unapologetically.” Riley giggles softly. Her comment felt silly leaving her mouth and it even warranted mild confusion from the older boy but Riley knew Lucas would have smiled if he heard it. 

“Lukey is upstairs in his room.” Jacob throws a thumb over his shoulder. 

Riley thanks Jacob and gives Beth a little high five on her way past the sofa. Riley bounces up each step and thinks of what Jacob said before. Lukey. She’d heard ‘Tris’ and ‘Tommy’ used quite regularly as adorable nicknames of sorts between the three boys and Riley had even heard the twins call Lucas, ‘Luke’ -which Riley felt didn’t roll naturally off her tongue - but, something about ‘Lukey’ was so sweet. Riley wonders if it was a brother thing or a family thing in general. She wonders if Jacob had one, Jakey perhaps. Riley pictures Lucas hearing himself be referred to as ‘Lukey’ and she sees the red burn beneath his cheeks in embarrassment and Riley mentally confirms for herself that it was a family thing except Lucas fought the use of the term regularly. 

Once Riley reaches the top of the stairs it occurs to her that she hasn’t actually been up here before. In the few times she’s been inside the Friars home she’s hung around in the living room or kitchen area with Cassidy. Riley freezes for a moment not even knowing which room was Lucas’. Being a smart girl Riley works out which one is his based off the window she first saw him at before they even officially met. Also, the rainbow lettering that spelt ‘ANNABETH’ on one of the doors narrowed down the choices. 

Riley approaches the door she believes leads to Lucas room and gently knocks against the wood. A change in tune from her rapid excitement moments earlier. 

A muffled grunt could be heard followed by a, “Go away.” 

“You’re going to have to wait a day to get rid of me for good.” Riley jokes but her laughter tapered off almost immediately. 

“Riley?” You could hear the surprise in Lucas’ voice. 

Cautiously Riley turns the doorknob and waits for Lucas to protest. He’s silent. Riley swings the door open just as Lucas reached it to open it for her himself. The two let out quiet nervous laughs from being spooked by each other.

“What are you doing here?” Lucas asks once Riley’s stepped into the entirety of his room. 

“Gee, if I wasn’t so sure you weren’t a jerk I’d say you were trying to get rid of me.” Riley jokes lightly but deeply feels the awkward tension in the room. 

“Sorry,” Lucas closes his eyes tightly and shakes his head. “Thomas texted me, saying you were looking for me. I just didn’t expect to see you right now.” 

“I wanted to talk, yes.” Riley nods slightly. “But something tells me I should listen first. Is something bothering you, Lucas?”

Lucas turns away from her and lets out a frustrated groan. The Texan flops flat on his back on the bed. Riley takes it upon her self to sit by his hip with crossed legs. “What’s the matter, honey?” Riley asks in a goofy voice, something she instantly realises is a Maya thing to do. Some habits are harder to shake. 

Lucas has both hands clinging to his face, his palms resting against his eyes sockets, his fingers lightly gripping his hairline. “Everyone.” A huff, followed by his hands sliding down. His fingertips now resting on his cheeks, his green orbs pointed at Riley, “Well, everyone but you.” 

A small smile crosses Riley’s face. It was something she didn’t need to be assured of but hearing him say it still sparked a genuinely giddy response.

“I take it ‘family day’ wasn’t all cheery?” Riley’s small smile remains as she looks down at Lucas.  

“More like the family intervention.” Lucas rolls his eyes. “Last minute ploy to stop me riding Tombstone.” 

“So everyone’s pretty worked up about this man cow,” Riley laughs softly, “Even Mabel... Should I be worried too?” 

Lucas is quiet for a moment. Maybe he himself didn’t even know if the concerns were completely warranted. Of course he was quietly terrified about it but his stubbornness won out. He was riding Tombstone with or without everyone’s support. 

“Maybe.” Lucas says simply. 

“Well I’m not worried.” Riley swayed a little in her place. 

Lucas doesn’t shift his position but he gives her look as if he sensed a lie. 

“You’ve got this.” Riley says as a matter of fact. “I believe in you.” 

“Thanks.” Lucas says quietly. He strongly believed she was only saying that for his benefit but he’d be lying if it didn’t make him feel better. “Okay, my tantrum is over. Your turn.” 

Riley wriggles in place, she’d almost forgotten why she was so excited to be there. “Our plot thickens.” Riley tries to be dramatic but the excitement seeps through, exposing her completely. 

“Our?” Lucas pushes himself up on one elbow, his legs still hanging over the bed but now on his side, he faces Riley, his other arm draped over himself has he fidgets with his fingers. Riley’s excitement peaked his interest immediately. Part of him was hoping she’d share news of her staying, like she decided to blow of the dance.. Charlie.. and stay there instead. 

“The anticipation is killing me.” Lucas jokes after a moment of silence even though there was truth behind his words. 

“Once upon a time-” 

“Story time?” Lucas laughs, “Really?” 

“Once. Upon. A. Time.” Riley eyes Lucas firmly but there was still a hint of playfulness in her voice. Enough for Lucas to smile and give her a single nod as an apology as he beckons for her to continue. 

“Once upon a time,” Riley begins again, “There were two souls that grew up two streets away from each other. They spend the first eighteen-ish years of their lives having never met but then, 1,600 miles from home the two finally cross paths.”

Lucas wondered how this related to them but he respected Riley enough to not interrupt again. 

It’s like Riley sensed Lucas not acting on his urge to speak as she gives him a small appreciative smile before continuing. “Thus began a new chapter in a never ending story.”

“Never ending?” Lucas feels it’s now safe to interject. 

“You remember in English, our stories being more than just ourselves.” It sounded like a question but it was more just a reminder of the point.

“Sure.” Lucas answers anyway. “What do these two souls have to do with anything?” 

“Well, these two souls and 1,600 miles are missing pieces of the puzzle I discovered-” Riley stops for a moment, her excitement jumbled up the conversation making it harder for Lucas to follow. “Well, pieces I finally asked for.” 

Confusion still present on Lucas’ face causes Riley to let out a soft sigh. She’d been hoping he’d work parts of the story out himself, adopting her enthusiasm. Riley pulls herself out of the tiny slump and restarts with a smile. “The two souls are my grandparents, Jedediah and Rhiannon.” 

Instantly it clicked - the part about puzzle pieces - realisation washes over his face. “Their story, is a part of your story which makes it... A part of ours?” Lucas pricks up a brow, unable to connect the remaining dots or make sense of her earlier use of ‘our’.

“That’s not all the pieces. Parts of their origin story seem to mesh with yours...” Riley says hoping Lucas would find the upcoming facts as amazing as she did. 

“Please enlighten me.” Lucas hopes he didn’t come across as sarcastic. 

Excitement still clearly present on her face, Riley continues, “Approximately 1,600 miles from Philadelphia lead them both here.” 

“Here as in Hillford Creek?” Lucas shifts, clearly surprised. 

“Yep.” Riley nods quickly. “But that’s not all!” 

“No?” Lucas is more intrigued than ever. 

“Oh no,” Riley shifts forward with excitement, her knees almost bumping into Lucas. “Imagine an eighteen year old Jed-” 

“That’s almost impossible..” Lucas laughs with creased brows. 

“I know,” Riley shares a laugh with him. “But imagine dark hair, round glasses and floaty cotton clothing.” 

Lucas presses his lids shut for a moment, amusement clearly present in his demeanour. “Okay, I’m picturing it.” 

Riley shoves his shoulder for mocking her, the Texan wobbles with a laugh and opens his eyes. Riley continues. “Well, imagine a young Jed-” Riley pauses, expecting another interruption but none came. “Imagine him, a small bag slung over his shoulder and a guitar case in hand walking down a long dirt road that seemingly leads to nowhere when a beat up truck pulls over and the man inside offers him a lift...” 

“Serial killer?” Lucas jokes. 

Riley would have scolded him for another interruption but she was too excited to wait and share the facts. “I don’t know, does your Pappy Joe give you murderous vibes?” 

It took a moment to click in Lucas’ mind, once it does he springs up in a sitting position and faces Riley. “No way.” 

“Way.” Riley laughs. 

“When you said that Jed and Pappy knew each other I just assumed they met at some point once he moved here ten years ago.” 

“That’s what I thought too but it turns out that they knew each other long before that.” Riley explains. “He even worked as a groundskeeper at the inn for a while, then my grandma showed up and they drifted off to the next town together, eventually ending up in Philadelphia again where they had my mom.” 

“So they go way back.” Lucas’ brows crease for a moment. “How come I never knew this? How come I didn’t know they still saw each other?” 

“I’m not sure they do still see each other, not often at least.” Riley admits. 

“How do you mean?” Lucas questions. 

“Well, from what I gathered last night in Jed’s retelling of things he and Joe became quick friends but Jed was the kind of person that never staid in once place too long. I figure that once he left town with my grandmother they lost touch and then you know the part of the story where they eventually lost touch with themselves...” 

Lucas nodded. 

“Jed and Rhiannon divorced, he retired and then reflected.” Riley pauses. “Or so I think, at least... Then he wound up here trying to claim back a piece of the life he loved but I feel that it also acted as a reminder of what he lost and it caused him to withdraw from life more, become the towns horror story... Maybe Pappy Joe was also a reminder and that’s why they seem distant, for old friends..” 

“Well, Jed isn’t completely withdrawn.” Lucas states. “You said my mom visits him once a week with a cooked meal.” 

“Maybe she knew of his past with Joe.” Riley shrugs a shoulder. “But your mom has such a kind soul, even if she didn’t know of anything I wouldn’t find it hard to believe Cassidy forces herself on someone she might believe to be lonely.” 

Lucas nodded again, that definitely sounds like his mom. “I suppose, ten years ago - when Jed first arrived in town - was not long after my Grandma Mae passed, even if Jed did reach out to him I wouldn’t be surprised if my Pappy rejected him, he lost a bit of his warmth when she passed. Maybe a weird wedge formed between them and that’s why I never really knew they knew each other?” 

“Maybe...” Riley ponders the thought for a moment. “When I first met your Pappy Joe at the market he asked me who my grandfather was when I answered he went silent. At the time I didn’t think too much about it but maybe that’s why....”  

“This is so insane.” Lucas exhales loudly and lays back down on the bed. 

“I know.” Riley says. “First Zay and now our grandfathers knowing each other from way before...” 

Lucas is quiet for a moment, he thinks of the night a little over two years ago when he and his friends broke into the high school, where his father caught him and where Lucas overheard about the New York job offer. It could have been him, he could have been the new boy in Riley’s class. He’s just about to share this thought process with Riley when their interrupted. 

“Sweet pea, could you come down for a minute?” Cassidy’s voice drifts up from downstairs. 

“Sweet pea.” A soft endearing sort of laugh can be heard from Riley. 

Lucas rolls onto his back again, a tiny sigh leaves him. “Time for step thirty in their intervention I guess..” 

“Come on sweat pea.” Riley gently pats Lucas’ stomach before standing. A weird natural reflex of sorts. Lucas sits up and rubs where she just patted. It was such an odd thing to him, for her to do that, but he didn’t mind. 

“Stay and act as a buffer?” Still sat at the edge of his bed, he whines. 

“Sorry, no can do.” Riley links her hands behind her back and shakes her head. “I have to pack and spend some time with Jed before I go tomorrow.” 

“Lucas?” Cassidy calls up again, unsure if Lucas heard her the first time. 

Without waiting for another huffy reaction, Riley spins on her heels and heads for the stairs. A bubbly Cassidy is surprised to see Riley surface instead of her son. They share pleasant greetings before Lucas finally trudges down the stairs himself. 

Lucas gives Riley another pleading look to stay and save him from an evening of pestering but she responds by giving everyone a very casual farewell. Riley didn’t want to make a big emotional deal out of things on the off chance she did come back but also because she didn’t want to admit how sad she was to leave.

Lucas walks Riley out to the front porch. They both hover by the steps leading to the path.

“I guess this is it.” Lucas lets out a hint of a sigh, almost too quite to detect.

“For now.” Riley says softly. “I mean, I expect a phone call Saturday evening from this soon to be rodeo star.”

“You got it.” Lucas rolls his head toward with a laugh and settles upright again. “For all we know you could be back on Monday for me to tell you in person.”

Riley gives him a look. Silently communicating with him.

“You don’t think you’re coming back?” Lucas questions.

“I wouldn’t say never, but I do think I’m staying in New York for a while.” Riley holds his gaze.

“Okay.” Lucas doesn’t break their stare. “I’ll see you later then?”

Riley gives him another small smile before turing and bouncing down the steps.

“I’ll see ya round, Lukey.” Riley can’t even finish without erupting in giggles. Now a few steps down the path, She turns back to Lucas who’s mostly shocked but his face is curled in light disgusted, topped off with a hint of embarrassment.

Riley take few backwards steps. Her smile proves to be contagious as Lucas quickly abandons his disgust and grins himself. Riley gives him a silent but still smiley nod, he mirrors the gesture and Riley turns around and breaks for Jed’s.

End Notes: So, I wasn’t going to even include any of this in the story. I was just going to allude to her sharing the story with Lucas and pick up where the next chapter begins but I thought I’d write it out for another sweet R x L chat. I was going to put it at the beginning of the next chapter but I spilt it up so it’s not so long and you get an update quicker!! 

Next chapter we have a Riley-less dance. Stay tuned.