#(Plus he is already richer in this universe at that time what would he change about himself?)

[john-d-rockerduck]

1

“Why, there isn’t a thing I would change about myself. I am already the best version of myself and no room for improvement is needed! Not only do I own the cleanest suits, but I own some of the towns I’ve bought too. Maybe I could give back to them in small increments to display my generosity, but that will be a long ways off until I do so!”

[soramei]

From Resentment (hhj)

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader (she/her)

Summary: After a fated meeting involving a cute and fluffy puppy, you found yourself drawn to Hwang Hyunjin: the school prince. Everybody in high school loved him. It was hard not to. Not only was he rich, smart, and athletic, but he was also incredibly kind-hearted.

However, one day seemingly out of the blue, everything that you thought Hyunjin was came crashing down.

Now a freshman in university, you were excited to live out your dreams. That was, until Hyunjin came hurtling back into your life like an uncontrolled meteor. His presence threw a curveball on all your plans, and would eventually change your perspective on everything that you thought you knew.

Genre: studentl!hyunjin au, angst, enemies to lovers

Warnings: cursing, tw puking

Word Count: 8.8k

Masterlist

A/N: Not an Intentional update but a hyunjin oneshot!! disclaimer: no aspect of hyunjins personality here was drawn from real life — irl hyunjin is a ray of sunshine <3

You looked at your math homework, proud that you got all the answers correct. Since it was a slow afternoon at your job today, you had extra time to focus on your homework. The boss at the convenience store you worked at allowed you to have your homework out, as long as it was hidden behind the cash register.

As you stared at the rest of your homework, you started to feel the weight of tenth grade pile up on you. Because it was your first year of high school, you were still trying to adjust to everything; your grades, your teachers, and all the new students walking around the halls.

You stuffed the rest of your homework in your backpack. It was the end of your shift, and you wanted to go home as soon as possible to start with the rest of your studying. Crap. No matter how hard you tried to zip up your backpack, it wouldn’t close. After trying one more time, the zipper tore from your backpack.

You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t afford to buy a new backpack right now.

You had just been able to afford your new school uniform by taking up extra shifts at the convenience store, and you still needed money for your grandmother’s prescriptions. You sighed, annoyed to have another monetary stressor weighing on your shoulders.

Walking outside with your now torn backpack, your eyes widened at the group of boys in front of you. You immediately recognized them from behind.

The school princes. These three seniors were all known for three things: being extremely smart, handsome, and talented.

On the left was Seungmin, and from what you’ve heard, he was the smart and quiet one. He was always helping the teachers, being the class president and all. Any time a girl or a boy needed academic help, Seungmin was there and happy to assist.

The person on the right was Jisung. With his charming and charismatic personality, he had dated tens upon tens of girls in his grade. Just in the last year. It helped that he was really good looking — and also stinkin’ rich. His father was a notorious restaurateur, and with him being the first son, he was basically given unlimited spending rights.

The only person richer than Jisung was the boy in the center of them both: Hwang Hyunjin. This boy was the school prince. The prince of princes. He somehow managed to participate in music clubs, engage in study groups, and captain the soccer team all the while keeping up excellent grades. Every girl that Jisung had dated was said to have been rejected by Hyunjin first. That was his only flaw: he was notoriously cold to any and all romantic confessions.

You followed behind the three princes, staring at your torn up sneakers. You knew you didn’t exist in their world, but even being near three handsome and rich teenage boys made you nervous.

Suddenly, you heard a whimper coming from behind a bush to the left of you. It sounded like a hurt animal.

Worried and curious, you walked over to the bush to see what it was.

It was a puppy. Small and fluffy, it looked up at you with it’s beady black eyes and cried out. His paw was bleeding.

You panicked. Having never seen a hurt puppy before, you had no idea what to do. You called out for help.

“Help!” you cried, hoping that somebody had heard your call for help. You desperately wanted to help this hurt puppy, but you hesitated to touch it, afraid that you would hurt the animal even more.

The puppy howled in pain, making your panic rise. You were about to call out for help again, when you heard somebody running up behind you.

“What is it?” The voice asked.

“I-I don’t know. I just saw this dog here, and-and his paw is bleeding,” you anxiously stuttered.

“Here, let me take a look.”

You heard the voice behind you, so you shuffled over to make room.

It was Hwang Hyunjin. The person that responded to your cry for help was the most popular and well-liked person in the school. You were shocked, a bit intimidated actually, so you silently moved to the side for him. His black hair shone in the sunlight as he bent down to examine the dog.

“Come here, boy,” he chirped. The puppy listened, and started limping to him. “Something hurt you, didn’t it.”

He stood up, picking the puppy up along with him.

“C’mon,” he gestured with his head, “my vet isn’t too far from here actually. We can make it by walking.”

You silently nodded and followed him.

He was right. The walk to the veterinarian clinic, though very awkward, wasn’t too far. The clinic was empty at this time of day, with the receptionist being the only person in the room.

“Hyunjin! Always a pleasure,” the receptionist beamed. It seemed like Hyunjin’s likeability wasn’t only confined to your school. “My, what do we have here?”

“There’s something wrong with his paw,” Hyunjin tried to show the receptionist where the blood was coming from, “is the doctor free right now?”

“As a matter of fact, he is,” the receptionist said whilst checking the schedule. “I’ll take this little boy to the back where he can get prepped for the veterinarian.”

Hyunjin handed the puppy carefully to the receptionist. The receptionist took out a crate for the dog, put him in, and then disappeared through the back door. The two of you were now left alone in the waiting room.

“Uhm,” you coughed, “thank you. I know you probably want to get back to your friends, so you can leave now.”

“No, I’ll stay,” he looked at you and smiled, “those idiots are just playing LOL at the PC room anyways. Plus, I want to see how this little boy turns out.”

You smiled back at him, nodding your head. A few moments of awkward silence passed.

“I’m Hyunjin by the way,” he said.

“I know. I’m Y/n.”

“You’re in your first year, right?” he said, looking at the colour of your uniform.

“Yeah, it’s so hard to get used to though. I’m trying my best with my homework, but I think this school stuff just doesn’t click with me,” you rambled.

“Oh?”

“I want to go into dance. I’ve never been able to afford professional lessons, but I’ve always wanted to go to university for dance. My grandparents said they would let me if my school grades were high.” You didn’t know why you were giving your life story to Hyunjin. He just had this natural charisma that made you want to spill everything to him. It was the way he looked at you with those cat-like eyes.

“I know what you mean. It took me forever to convince my parents for me to major in dance. I got in by early admittance, but I’m sure they still have their reservations about my major.”

“You’re majoring in dance?” you asked, eyes wide.

He smiled. “I’ve loved dancing ever since I could remember. It’s my passion, and truthfully, the only thing I’ve got going for me.”

You were shocked. At school, Hyunjin was known for so many things other than dancing. Hell, you didn’t even know he enjoyed dancing and you thought you’d heard everything about him already.

The two of you chatted for a while longer before the vet came out with the now happy looking dog.

“It seemed like this little guy got into a fight with something, and he got a pretty large gash on his paw. Luckily, it wasn’t bleeding too much so I just gave him some anaesthetic and stitched it right up.”

You sighed in relief. “Thank god he isn’t too hurt.”

“Yes, it’s good that it wasn’t too bad,” the veterinarian agreed. “I’m assuming this is your dog? As soon as you finish with the bill, I can release this little guy and the both of you are ready to go.”

Oh yeah. The bill.

Although you knew you couldn’t afford to pay the vet bill, you didn’t know where this little dog would go if you couldn’t take him home. You did the mental calculations, and if you worked some extra shifts, you could probably be able to pick up the bill today. Buying a new backpack could be saved for another day.

“Sure, where can I pay?” you asked.

“Just over by the receptionist.” The veterinarian pointed.

You walked over to the receptionist, and she handed the bill over to you.

You almost fainted.

Just the anaesthetic and the stitches alone cost over two hundred dollars. This was extremely over your budget, and probably even more than the amount in your savings. You felt uneasy.

“Uhm, actually, I don’t think I can-”

“Do you take cash?”

Hyunjin had interrupted you, walked up to the receptionist, and pulled out his wallet. He peaked over your shoulder and took out a huge wad of cash to hand to the receptionist.

“Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” you begged. You felt bad that this guy you didn’t even know had just offered to cover you for over two hundred dollars.

“Think of it as a good luck gift from a fellow dancer.” He smiled.

That was when it clicked. You didn’t know what clicked, but it just did. It was his smile. It was the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up and how the corners of his lips pinched at the end. You now understood why all the girls at school were in love with him. He was quite literally perfect.

You thanked him profusely, even after the two of you had left the clinic. With the dog in your hand, you walked side by side with Hyunjin.

“So,” he started, “have you thought of a name for this guy yet?”

Oh yeah — he was your dog now. ���Hmm, I don’t know yet.”

“What about Coco?”

“Coco?”

“Yeah, let’s see if he likes it.” Hyunjin leaned in and cooed at the little puppy. “Hi, little Coco!”

The puppy’s eyes lit up, and with his tongue stretched out, he started panting.

“I guess he likes it,” Hyunjin smiled. God, his smile could melt all of Antarctica.

“Coco it is.” You poked at Coco’s nose.

Hyunjin was about to say something back to you when his phone buzzed. He took a peak, rolled his eyes, then smiled. “My friends are god awful at games. I swear, they can’t even win one round without me. You’re okay with going home alone?”

He was going to walk you home? Could he be any more perfect?

You nodded your head. “Thank you, Hyunjin. I’ll pay you back for the bill one day.”

“No need,” he winked. “Like I said, it’s a good luck gift. Oh, and you can ask me if you need help with any school work. Anything to help a fellow dancer.”

He waved goodbye, then went running off in the other direction. You held Coco close to you, heart pounding. Although you didn’t want to be like all the other girls who fell for him, you felt like you were already falling for Hyunjin.

-

The next day, you had planned to go shopping for dog supplies after school. After a really long and arduous debate with yourself, you decided to sacrifice all of your savings in order to buy everything that Coco needed. You knew Hyunjin owned a dog himself, so throughout the whole day, you worked up the nerve to ask Hyunjin to come with you.

At the end of last period, you gathered all your stuff from your desk and headed to the soccer field where you knew Hyunjin and his friends would be. Whilst you crossed the field, you noticed Jisung staring at you. You found his stare intimidating, but you tried to brush it off. He then whispered something in Hyunjin’s ear.

“Hi, Hyunjin,” you said anxiously, biting your lip. “Umm, do you want to come with me to shop for Coco?”

He stared at you for a couple seconds, then, a look of disgust appeared on his face. “Why? So you can use my wallet again?”

You stared back at him, wide eyed. Who was this person? It wasn’t the Hyunjin that so graciously helped you out yesterday.

“W-what? No!” you exclaimed. “I-I just wanted your opinion…”

“Sure,” Hyunjin smirked coldly, “opinion my ass.”

“Hyunjin,” tears were pooling in your eyes, “I don’t understand.”

“If you need money so much, here.” He reached in his pocket and turned up a wad of cash, throwing it at your feet. “Just don’t come to me next time. And buy yourself a new pair of shoes while you’re at it.”

You looked down at the money, trying to hold back your tears. Why was Hyunjin being like this? You didn’t understand. His two jockeys beside him didn’t even bother to stop him. As you tried to stop yourself from crying, you felt your sadness turn into rage.

“I don’t need your stupid money,” you said, kicking the cash back to him. “Maybe you can use your daddy’s money to buy yourself a new personality.”

Hyunjin’s two friends tried to hold back their snickers at your words. Hyunjin heard, turned around, and gave them both death stares.

You didn’t bother to listen to whatever he was going to say next and simply stomped away, rage burning inside you. Everything about him was a lie. His charming and charismatic personality, his generosity, his kindness. They were all lies. He really was nothing but a rich, spoiled boy living with his father’s money.

There was rage behind every step you took. Wiping away your tears, you headed to your locker. You didn’t need him anyways; it was better to realize his true personality earlier rather than later. Hands shaking from anger, you dialed the combination to your locker.

“Hey, sorry about what happened earlier.” A voice came from behind you. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”

It was Jisung. You rolled your eyes. You didn’t want to see him either.

“Why didn’t you do anything about it then?” Your voice came out shaky. It was obvious that you had cried.

“Once he starts, there’s no stopping him. It’s usually better to let him finish uninterrupted, or else he will get more mad.”

“Oh,” you said. Your hatred for Hyunjin grew even more.

“I could come with you, though. I don’t know much about dogs, but I can help you carry your bags.”

“I don’t know…”

“C’mon, no way you can carry everything by yourself.”

You hesitated. “Okay, I guess.”

And so, you left for the pet store with Jisung, still confused about everything that had happened. It was strange with him. He was nice and cracked a joke every now and then, but it was just different from being with Hyunjin. At least he was nice, you thought.

Your trip went well. You managed to buy everything you needed for Coco. In a turn of events, Jisung had actually come in handy as he offered to carry the huge bag of dog food you bought. He even offered to buy you a coffee.

“Thanks for all your help, Jisung.” You stood outside the door of your apartment, smiling at him.

“No problem, gives me an excuse to work out my guns.” He pretended to flex his arms.

You choked back a laugh.

“You should get going now. It’s late,” you said.

“Alright,” he started to leave. “Hey, if you see me in the halls, feel free to say hi.”

You nodded and waved to him as he turned and walked away, remembering his words. Every time you saw Jisung in the school hallways, you gave him a small wave in which he happily returned. However, whenever you saw him walking with Hyunjin, you made sure to purposely avoid them. You didn’t want any negativity in your life.

You kept up the waves, and soon, waves turned to small conversations which soon turned to flirting. By the end of the semester, you and Jisung somehow ended up as a couple. Jisung was polite and sweet, unlike a certain person. With every free moment you had, you hung out with Jisung — all the while avoiding Hyunjin.

The two of you stayed a couple for the rest of Jisung’s senior year. Somehow, the two of you had even kept up your relationship throughout your whole high school experience. It was hard at times as he went to university, but with a lot of effort, you had made your relationship work out. You barely had time to talk with him, but you enjoyed the little time that you did have. Jisung had never even once mentioned Hyunjin when you were together, and with time, you had totally forgotten about that jerk. You weren’t even sure if they were still friends.

You worked hard in school and reaped all the benefits. Your rank had consistently been in the top twenties amongst all the other students, and you even had time to practice your dancing. You remembered the day that you received your acceptance letter from university. Hands shaking, you had barely managed to open the letter all the way before you screamed. You had gotten into university with your dream major: dance.

Because of your excellent grades, you were able to pay a lot of your tuition with scholarship money alone. You hesitantly decided to quit your job at the convenience store to focus on university. Although quitting meant that your bank account would take a big hit, you decided that it would be best in the long run. There was a lot in your savings, and you even had a little extra to buy a new outfit for your first day of school.

Jisung had been busy on the first day of university. He had previously promised to show you around campus, but with him being a no-show, you wandered around by yourself to try to find your classes. You had trouble with the campus map at first, but after walking around for a bit, you were able to find all your classes with ease.

Your first few classes were a snore. Because they were all theory, you had to down two cups of coffee in order to stay awake. Somehow, you managed to take coherent notes despite being bored out of your mind. You just wanted to dance.

The good thing was, after sitting through many classes, your time to dance finally came. Your last class of the day was an introduction to dance course, and you couldn’t wait to go. You wanted to know your teacher, your peers, and most importantly, express yourself.

The dance class was in a studio in the university’s fitness center. It was huge, way bigger than the tiny gym in your high school. Upon entering the studio, you were immediately met with the sight of students, exactly like you, already stretching. You chose a spot in the room and started stretching as well, making good use of your time before the instructor comes in.

After some time, most of the students — including you — had finished stretching and were sitting in silence waiting for the instructor. The door swung open, breaking the silence. The instructor had come in.

“Hello new students,” he said, “welcome to Dance 100. Today, I will go through the curriculum with you as well as introduce your final project.”

The instructor whipped out a projection of the curriculum and started explaining the purpose of the course, what you would be graded on, and how you would be graded. He then read through his class expectations before moving to your final project.

“This final project will act in place of a final exam,” he explained. “You will be required to create a dance that includes everything we’ve learned in class and write an essay explaining all the elements in your dance. It will be worth half your grade.”

The class gasped in surprise. Not only did this project sound extremely difficult for a first year course, but the fact that it was worth half your grade made it borderline unfair.

“I know it might seem difficult, but worry not, you won’t be doing this alone. Every year, the first year dance students get mentored by the third year dance students for the final project. Each student has already been assigned a random mentor which will be introduced this class.”

The whole class murmured, talking amongst themselves and expressing their opinions on this project. It was definitely an interesting project. You hoped that you would be paired with a good mentor that would actually care about how well you did.

There was a knock on the door.

“Ah, this must be them.” Your instructor opened the door and a wave of third years came flooding in. Each one of them had a name tag pinned on their shirts. “Class, these are the third year students.”

You all politely greeted them.

“Now,” the instructor continued, “I will put the class list on the projector, and each of your names will correspond to a third year mentor.”

The instructor put out the list for display. You scanned down the list of names, eventually finding yours. Following the dots to your corresponding mentor, you almost choked on air when you saw yours.

It was Hwang Hyunjin.

You were at a loss for words. Just when you thought he was out of your life forever, the man that was so incredibly mean to you — the man you hated with your whole soul — was now your mentor. Just the thought of being in the same room as him filled you with disgust.

You scanned the sea of third year students, and your eyes immediately found him. He was staring back at you with the same shocked expression that you had on.

He looked different. Not only had he grown taller, but he had lost all his baby fat as well. His hair was different too. It was bleached blond and it almost hit his shoulders. What was the same, however, was his intense stare and his plump lips.

You walked over to him.

“You look different.” His eyes scanned up and down.

“So do you.” You clenched your jaw and sighed. “I guess we have to work together.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said flatly.

“Listen,” you copied his tone, “I’m not excited about this either, but I want to get a good grade for this class. If you don’t wanna help me, just say so and I’ll just work alone on this.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he rolled his eyes, “this is part of my grade too. I can’t let you fuck this up for the both of us.”

You rolled your eyes back at him and pressed your lips in a thin line. Ignoring what he said, you asked, “where do we start?”

“Let’s find a time to meet every week.” He pulled out the newest iPad model from his bag. Of course he would have the newest iPad. “I’m busy every day except Saturday, so let’s meet then.”

Way to consider your opinion. He was lucky that you weren’t busy on the weekends.

As Hyunjin worked on sorting his schedule, you took your time to look at how he had changed. With his hair blonde, he looked like a completely different person. You didn’t understand why he kept his hair long though. It kept falling in his eyes.

“Stop staring at me. It’s freaking me out.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“I wasn’t.” You crossed your arms, defending yourself.

“Whatever.” He tucked his hair behind his ear and put his iPad back in his bag. “Don’t be late on Saturday.”

And with that, he left. You looked around the class. Most of the other students were still with their mentors, presumably getting to know each other and discussing the project. You almost wanted to ask your instructor to switch with somebody else, but that would mean passing on the nightmare known as Hwang Hyunjin onto a perfectly innocent person. You had your moments, but you weren’t evil.

The interaction with Hyunjin had left you in a sour mood for the rest of the day. You tried to study, but you were too distracted by the thought of having to work with that monstrosity for a whole semester. It was worth so much of your grade, too. You had just hoped that Hyunjin was as good at dance as he previously told you. You remembered him saying how dance was his passion in life. That was when you still liked him. Who knows, maybe he only said that so he could play you like every other girl he played with.

For the rest of the week, whenever you thought of the dance project, you were filled with dread. You tried to ignore it, and sometimes it worked, but most of the time it kept reappearing in your mind like a virus. The way Hyunjin had infected your mind bothered you to no end.

Time passed fast though, and before you knew it, Saturday had already come. Searching through your closet, you picked out a simple outfit for practice today. You slid on your tattered old sneakers and headed off to the studio that Hyunjin had told you to go to.

Entering the dance studio, you noticed that you were right on time. However, Hyunjin was not. Great… He made such a big deal over you being on time that he himself forgot to be punctual. You sat on the wood floors and started to do some stretches to warm up.

Eventually, after you finished your stretching, he entered the studio. With a girl. Holding a textbook, Hyunjin handed it to the girl and put on his signature deceitful smile. His ugly, perfect smile. The girl batted her eyes and waved her fingers goodbye before strolling out the door. You rolled your eyes at this, feeling bad for the girl. Hyunjin was playing her right in front of her own eyes and she didn’t even realize it.

“Were you really late because of a girl?” you sneered.

“Why do you care?” he retorted, flinging his bag to the corner of the room.

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t.”

Not wanting to waste time with that childish banter, you decided to end the conversation then and there. “Okay, well anyways, I’ll show you what I learned in class this week.”

Hooking up your phone to the speaker, you chose the song that you’ve been practicing with for the whole week. As the song progressed, you found it hard to not get lost in the music. Just dancing was the easy part; incorporating everything learned in class was another story. Although it was fairly difficult, you thought you executed everything very well as the song came to an end. Finishing up, you panted from exhaustion and looked at Hyunjin for his comments.

He stood, with his arms crossed across his torso, leaning against the speaker. There was a blank expression on his face.

“Not bad.” He started to walk up to you.

“But?”

“But you’re too stiff. You’re too focused on perfectly executing the technical moves that you forget to just move your body. Do what you did half-way through the song again.”

You turned the music on, trying to do the dance with Hyunjin’s criticisms in mind. Looking in the mirror, you did your best to show as much emotion as possible, all the while moving more fluidly. The room was filled with heavy bass and the squeaks from your sneakers.

Suddenly, the music was abruptly cut off.

Hyunjin had stopped the music and was making his way over, face still unreadable.

“You’re still trying too hard and it shows.” Hyunjin shook his head.

Clenching your jaw, you did your best to hold back your anger. Were you just not supposed to try? This annoyed you. Just because he didn’t need to try to be good at anything didn’t mean you couldn’t.

“Well,” you tried to say calmly, “how can I do this then?”

“You have to relax.” He put one hand on your hip and started to guide you. “Don’t focus on each individual aspect, but try to imagine everything as a whole. Then, things will come naturally.”

You followed his hand, allowing Hyunjin to guide you to his own rhythm. After a while, every movement felt so fluid and you didn’t even notice that your face started to match your movements. Glancing at your reflection, you gasped, noticing how different your dancing looked. You whipped your head to face Hyunjin, the two of your inches apart and breathing heavily.

“See,” he mumbled, looking down at you. “Once you stop thinking, everything just comes naturally.”

You looked back at the person inches away from you. It almost felt as if he was being kind. But you knew the type of person he was. You weren’t going to let this happen again. Snapping out of what weird trance you were in, you pushed him away in an act of self perseverance.

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll try again,” you said.

Hyunjin strolled over to the speaker and turned on the music. This time, you didn’t think about anything you learned in class or Hyunjin’s criticisms. You just trusted in your body. Everything else was blank.

Taking a step forward while still in your trance, your shoe lost its grip on the floor, causing you to fall right on your knee. You cried in pain, holding on to your knee.

“Fuck,” Hyunjin hissed. He ran over and bent down to your level. “Can you move it?”

“I think so.” You tried to straighten your knee. It hurt, but you were still able to do it. There would most likely be a nasty bruise there the next morning.

“You’re still wearing those scraps that you call shoes? They’re literally coming apart at the seams. This is going to happen again if you don’t get new ones.”

You blushed in embarrassment from his remarks. “I’m not going to spend money on things that I don’t need.”

“Well, you need shoes. Just go buy a new pair later.”

Was he being serious? Or was he just spoiled?

“Hyunjin, not everybody can just go spend money whenever they want,” you loudly sighed. “Unlike you, I need to consider my budget for most things.”

“Well, why can’t you ask your boyfriend to buy it?” he sneered. “Seems like you’re good at doing that.”

How did he know you were still dating Jisung? What did he mean by ‘good at doing that’?

“What?” You crossed your eyebrows. “Do you think I’m with him just for his money? Do I really look like that kind of person to you?”

“You used me for my money,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What?” You couldn’t hear him right.

“Nevermind, rehearsal's over.” He stomped off, leaving you alone in the practice room holding on to your injured knee.

-

You busied yourself with everything and anything you could do over the weekend in order to forget what happened during rehearsal. However, no matter how hard you tried to forget, Hyunjin’s comments on your shoes stuck in your mind like glue.

During your shift at your job, you couldn’t help but keep staring at your worn sneakers. You never paid attention to your shoes before until now. They did the job, so why would you need to buy a new pair? Still, you unconsciously paid attention to every step you took.

On Monday’s dance class, you decided to go early. It was always nice to warm up in a room with other try-hards. They felt less judgemental than the others.

The studio barely had anybody in it this early before class. Everybody was either stretching or had already started going over what was taught last week. Shuffling your way over to your locker, you couldn’t help but compare everybody else’s shoes to your own. You’ve never cared about trivial matters such as shoes, but you couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious as your worn-in sneakers squeaked its way over to the lockers.

Opening your locker, your eyes widened, shocked at what you saw. Inside was a box containing a brand new pair of sneakers. It was an expensive brand as well, a brand that you never thought you would be touching in your life. You turned your head around, scanning the room. Everybody seemed to have been busy with their own thing.

Did somebody put these in your locker by mistake?

Taking the shoes out, you noticed a small slip of paper fly out. You picked up the note.

Keep these. I was a jerk.

You knew who had sent this. It was Hyunjin. You didn’t know what game he was trying to play at, but you weren’t going to fall for it like you did that day in high school. Gingerly putting the shoes back in your locker, you decided to return these back to Hyunjin at your next practice.

-

“No, I gave them to you as a gift.” Hyunjin turned his nose up at you, refusing to take back the shoes.

“Why would you give these to me if you think that I only use people for their money?”

“Because,” he rolled his eyes, “if you’re unable to dance then my grade is screwed as well.”

He made a good point, but you were stubborn. “Still…”

“You know what? Keep it, give it away, sell it, I don’t care. Let’s just start practice.”

After that dance practice, you threw your old shoes in the trash.

-

It was midterm season a month into school. You thought you had gone to hell and back with high school, but this was even worse. Each day consisted of waking up, studying, and going back to sleep. You lived on coffee and toast. It wasn’t much, but it gave you the energy to sit at the library for hours to study.

You didn’t see anybody during the midterm season, Instead, you chose to hermit yourself up at the library for days on end. This meant that, at least for a couple of weeks, your dance practice with Hyunjin was put on hiatus. Not that he minded, of course. He happily deleted the practices from his schedule.

You also didn’t see much of your boyfriend, Jisung. Ever since school started, he seemed to always be missing in action. He would almost never have time to be with you, and with the few moments that he was, it seemed like he was always so apathetic towards you. You brushed this off as stress though, as you finally knew what it was like to experience university exams.

It was a clear and sunny day on the morning you finished your last midterm. Leaving the exam room, you looked up to the sky, basking in the sun. Today was going to be a good day. Not only were you now stress free, but you were also invited to an end-of-midterm party for your dance class tonight. You had never gone to a university party before, so when a classmate asked if you wanted to go, you eagerly accepted.

Wrapping up your dance class, you stood at your locker, gathering the rest of your stuff.

“Hey.” An arm wrapped around you.

“Hey, Jisung.” You smiled, turning around to face him.

“You’re done all your midterms?”

“Yup.” You nodded happily.

He took a look at your shoes.

“New shoes?”

You hesitated in answering his question, not knowing where Jisung was with Hyunjin in terms of friendship. It was better to be truthful now rather than apologizing later.

“Hyunjin gave it to me.” You looked down, fiddling with your fingers. Why were you afraid of Jisung’s response?

“Wait, what? Hwang Hyunjin? Like from high school? Y/n, I thought you hated him.”

“I did! And I do,” you tried to explain, “but he had a reason to give me this.”

“Bullshit, Y/n. You’re really gonna believe any reason he pulls out of his ass? I thought you actually matured from high school.”

“Well, you would understand if you were around more often!” you yelled. You knew it was wrong to address other problems and blow this out of proportion, but you couldn’t think straight. Your mind was clouded with anger.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Jisung barked back. “What we’re talking about is how you, no matter how shitty of a person Hyunjin is, keep going back to him! Y/n, all that man does is take. He takes from you and he sure as hell takes everything from me. I won’t let that happen this time.”

When had he taken anything from you? All he had done was give.

“Jisung, let’s end this.”

“You’re right. Let’s cool down and talk later tonight.”

“No,” you shook your head, “I mean, let's end us.”

Jisung looked at you in disgust. “It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?”

“No,” you vehemently denied, “Jisung, you never have time for me, and the little time we do have together you act like a different person. And now you’re being all possessive just because Hyunjin gave me a gift? I’m sorry, I just don’t see us recovering from this.”

“Fine, whatever.” Jisung turned around. “We’re done. But Y/n, don’t come running back to me when Hyunjin screws you over like he does with everybody.”

After Jisung left, you stomped your foot on the ground, tears pooling in your eyes. It was for the best — breaking up with him. For the past month, you hadn’t been happy with where your relationship was going, but this wasn’t the way you wanted to end an almost three year relationship.

Wiping away your tears, you tried to compose yourself before heading over to the pub. Jisung wasn’t worth the tears.

The walk to the pub wasn’t far as every establishment catered to students was a short walking distance from campus. For your entire walk over, you kept your head down so as to not receive looks from others. The headache from your cries and a blush of anger still lingered with you. Hopefully you’ll look somewhat normal by the time you reach the bar.

Checking your reflection once more in your phone camera, you fixed your hair a bit before going inside.

The bar was filled.

With students from both your dance class and the third year class, there was not an empty corner in sight. The music was loud, but the sounds of chatter coming from the students were louder. The place was dark, with the only source of light coming from very dim, bright blue LEDs.

It was surprising to see everybody in a different setting. You were used to the sight of your classmates being only in sweats and workout clothes, but now that they actually had time to get ready, everybody seemed like a completely different person.

You saw a few of your classmates wave at you, beckoning you over to where they were sitting. As soon as your butt landed on the chair, they spared no time to push a shot glass filled with clear liquor in front of you. You gladly took the drink, wanting to just let go and forget about everything that happened today. Holding back a cough, you scrunched your face as you felt the alcohol burn in your throat. It had been so long since the last time you drank.

After five you stopped counting. Partly because you knew you were going to drink more, but mostly because your head couldn’t even count to five anymore. Scrunching your eyes, you tried to focus on the blurry figure of your classmate complaining about her professor. Bored out of your mind as her mindless babble went on forever, your eyes started roaming around the bar. As your eyes wandered, you noticed somebody behind your classmate staring at you.

Hwang Hyunjin.

Even in your inebriated state of mind, you knew that it was Hyunjin. What other university student had the balls to bleach their whole head blonde? Your eyes met, and he ran a hand through his golden locks. Why do the most beautiful people harbour the most wretched personalities?

You tried to ignore his staring by focusing your attention back on your classmate, but eventually, you couldn’t help but glance back at him. He was still looking at you.

You saw a girl come up to him. She was the same girl that showed up with him on your first ever practice session. Because of the dimly lit bar and your drunken vision impairment, you had to really squint to make out what was going on. The girl, all smiley and giggly, put her hand on his shoulder, making Hyunjin break his eye contact with you. He smiled at the girl, mouthing words that were drowned out by the music. For some reason, this made you furious. Why was he so nice to everybody else but you? What had you ever done to him to make him hate you so much?

You kept your eyes on the girl, knowing full well that you shouldn’t have. You hated that — even on your night off, even when you had just broken up with your boyfriend — Hyunjin was still in your mind like an unkillable parasite. You hated the way he tucked his hair behind his ears. You hated how the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he smiled at her. You hated him.

You watched as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, causing him to laugh. That was the last straw. In a drunken haze, you took your phone and bolted out the door, ignoring the concerns of all your classmates. Maybe it had been a mistake breaking up with Jisung. Maybe he really did know what was best for you.

Stumbling out onto the street, you tried to dial Jisung’s phone number. It proved to be too difficult of a task, however, as your drunken fingers could only tap on random numbers on the screen. You cried out of frustration.

“Y/n.”

The voice coming from behind you startled you, causing you to lose your grip on the phone. It dropped on the cement with a loud crack. Tears welled up in your eyes as you bent down to pick up your phone. There was a huge crack right down the middle of the screen.

“You cracked my phone,” you said, trying to keep your composure.

“So? It’s not like it’s worth much anyways. Just ask your boyfriend to buy you one.” Hyunjin’s evil eyes squinted down at you.

“Why are you still on about this? Hyunjin, I’ve never used anybody for money and I never will!” You couldn’t control the tears flowing down your face. “Plus, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I broke up with Jisung today.”

You didn’t know why you were spilling your guts to the last man in the world you would trust. Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Y/n.” His tone had completely changed. He almost looked — concerned?

“Whatever, Hyunjin,” you slurred. “Just leave me alone. You can go back to that girl and have your fun with her.”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t care.”

“Y/n, why do you care?” His tone got louder.

“I don’t!” you yelled at him. Your tears made everything even more blurry.

“Y/n! Tell me, why do you care?!” He spat back at you with just as much fury.

“Fuck you, Hyunjin. News flash, not everything in the world revolves around you and your rich and prestigious life. Maybe you wouldn’t be so toxic if you would just understand that.” You screamed at him through your sobs. “Also, I don’t know where you got this stupid story of my being a cash whore from, but I will say this one last time: I have worked for everything in my life and I have never and will never use anybody for their money.”

Hyunjin looked back at you, shocked. You stared back at him in disgust. Not wanting to waste anymore time on him, you stumbled down the street to look for a taxi. However, as you wobbled down the pavement, everything became even blurrier than before. You felt nauseous. You couldn’t control it anymore.

You threw up. All over the sidewalk. You couldn’t stop. Every time you thought that it was over, more and more came out. Your throat burned, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.

As you hurled out all the remains of today’s lunch, your hair was held back.

“Get away from me, Hyunjin,” you groaned. You didn’t want him to see you this weak.

“Who else is gonna take care of your drunk ass, idiot,” he mumbled.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.

-

It was a blinding white light that woke you up. You groaned, trying to block the light with your forearm. Cracking your neck, you tried to holster yourself up.

You were on a leather couch. Squinting, you surveyed the room you were in. It was clean, spacious. The floor was a white marble — there wasn’t a single speck of dust to be seen. Across from you was an incredibly wide TV with many game consoles scattered around it. You looked behind you. There was a large kitchen island illuminated by warm pendant lights. Sitting at the island, on his laptop, was Hyunjin.

“Wh-what happened to me?”

“You’re the worst fucking drinker I’ve ever seen, that’s what happened.”

You rolled your eyes.

Hyunjin ignored you, standing up and leaving for another room. Less than a minute later, he reappeared with a toothbrush and a roll of toothpaste.

“Go clean up. You look disgusting.”

You snatched the toothbrush from his hands. He pointed over to the bathroom and you trudged your way over. His bathroom was huge, almost bigger than your bedroom at home. You felt as if you were in a hotel.

“Your bathroom is huge.” After washing up, you felt not only cleaner, but more awake. “You’re really living the life with your family’s money, huh.”

Hyunjin sighed, slamming his laptop shut causing you to flinch. “Why, after everything, do you think I’m this rich, pretentious fuck?”

You rolled your eyes. Not this again. “Well, why do you still think I’m this money hungry monster?”

“You really wanna know why, Y/n? It’s because Jisung told me so. He was the one who told me that all those years ago.”

You were shocked. Jisung was the one who told him that? Your ex-boyfriend that you had loved and dated for almost three years? You didn’t want to believe it, you really didn’t, but there was this tiny whisper in the back of your mind telling you that it was true. He had a reason to — Jisung was always going on about how Hyunjin always took from him.

“But Y/n, I-” He stopped mid-sentence.

“You what, Hyunjin?”

He pressed his lips to yours, caressing the back of your head. You were shocked, but almost autonomously, your lips parted feeling the heat of his breath against yours. He pressed his body to yours, running his hand down your waist. His lips, the same lips responsible for his perfect smile, felt so soft against your own. You heard the thuds of his heartbeat as he held you closer.

You broke apart, gasping for breath. The realization of what you had done just hit you.

In a panic, you used your whole strength to push his body away from you. “I-I have to go.”

“Y/n, wait!” Hyunjin called.

You paid him no attention. Instead, you ran across the marble floors, hoisted the front door open, and sprinted out. Hoping that Hyunjin wasn’t following you, found your way outside and took a taxi home.

You sat in silence, trying to process what had just happened. You had just kissed Hyunjin. You had just kissed Hyunjin. Hands shaking, you grasped at the ends of your hair, trying to calm yourself down. Did that just happen?

You were more mad at yourself than at him. How could you have just kissed Hyunjin? You hated him. He was nothing but rude to you, never smiling and always accusing you of things that were clearly lies. He made you feel self conscious, nervous, and everything in between. You hated him.

But he was so sweet on that fateful day in high school. He gave you a new pair of shoes when you had slipped during practice, and he held your hair for you when you were drunk. His hair glistened in the sunlight, his smile made your heart race, and his lips ignited sparks of every colour in the rainbow in your chest.

You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated how fast you became infatuated with him on that day in high school, and no matter how much you tried to deny it, you hated that your feelings haven’t changed ever since. You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated that you loved him.

Curling up in your bed, there was no stopping the tears flowing down your face. You cried and cried upon this realization, and you remained this way for the rest of the day. The effect Hyunjin had on you was bigger than you ever expected, and you hated it.

-

At school, you tried to avoid as many people as possible. The kiss you had shared with Hyunjin was plaguing your mind, distracting you and igniting the fire that was your inner turmoil. Even the thought of Hyunjin put a strain in your heart. It was the way his breath fanned over your nose, gently tickling it like a bird’s feather and the soft silk of his blonde locks brushing up against your cheeks.

You shook your head, trying to erase any and every thought of that man. Walking to your locker, you were stopped in your tracks, the dam in your eyes starting to crack. You couldn’t do this today. You turned around to go somewhere else — anywhere else.

“Y/n, wait.”

You sniffed, wiped stray tears from your eyes, and picked up your pace.

“Y/n.” He grabbed your shoulder, turning you around to face him.

“Hyunjin, please, I can’t do this today.”

“Are you… Are you crying?” He touched your face, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Y/n, why are you crying?”

You shook your head. You were scared of what would happen if you opened your stupid mouth.

“Y/n, please.” Hyunjin begged. His voice was shaking. “Tell me why.”

You shook your head again.

“Y/n, please.” His voice cracked.

“Hyunjin,” you paused, taking a shaky breath, “it’s because I love you. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment you smiled at my pathetic ass. Even when you hurt me more than anyone has hurt me before… I never had a choice, Hyunjin. It’s always been you.”

You tore yourself away from Hyunjin, embarrassed to your core. That was the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done, but at least you had closure now.

“Y/n…”

“No, Hyunjin. You’ve torn me down and humiliated me enough already. What more could you possibly want?” You demanded, aware that everybody around you was staring.

“Y/n,” Hyunjin rasped, “It’s only ever been you. I’ve spent the last three years miserable knowing that you were with someone else. I’ve-I’ve never even been with another girl in the past three years. I know you have no reason to believe me because I was such an ass. I am such an ass. Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for projecting my insecurities on you, I’m sorry for accusing you of things I know you’ve never done, and I’m sorry for anything else I might have fucking done. Y/n, I love you. Please, I don’t fucking deserve it, but is there any way you could forgive me?”

You stared at Hyunjin’s bloodshot eyes, tears freely flowing down your cheeks, and before you could even think, you found yourself pressed against his lips. Your eyes closed, savouring the feeling of his soft lips touching your own. His wet cheek pressed against your own, and with a nudge of the nose, Hyunjin deepend the kiss with a raw passion in which you’ve never felt before.

You cradled his head, relishing in his silken blonde hair as you brushed your fingers through his locks. He sighed in response, his breath tickling against your cheek. You were fully aware that everyone on campus had seen both your messy confessions of love, but you didn’t care. All you could do was replay the moment that Hyunjin had said those words — those three tiny words — over and over in your head as you ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his soft, honey lips.

[lokiondisneyplus]

SPOILER WARNING: Do not read if you haven’t seen Season 1, Episode 5 of “Loki,” now streaming on Disney Plus.

I think it’s when Alligator Loki ate President Loki’s hand that I realized I was in love.

To be sure, I was always into “Loki,” Marvel Studios’ third Disney Plus series and the first devoted to exploring a single character: the god of mischief as played by Tom Hiddleston. From the first episode, I dug the absurdist deadpan humor imbued by head writer Michael Waldron, and I was immediately smitten with how director Kate Herron employed ’70s sci-fi brutalism and a particularly British affinity for bureaucracy to build out the world of the Time Variance Authority.

“Loki” looked unlike anything I’d ever seen in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, an increasingly difficult prospect given there are now 26 discrete iterations of the MCU — soon to be 27 with the impending debut of “Black Widow.” As the show has progressed, that feeling has only grown more acute as “Loki,” in its exploration of its title character’s identity, managed to carve out its own unique personality not just in the MCU, but also in the grander landscape of sci-fi storytelling.

To put it as simply as I can, “Loki” is a cosmic-yet-intimate time-traveling romantic action comedy about how Hiddleston’s sexually fluid narcissist finally learns how to fall in love with himself — or, rather, the female version of himself who has lived a whole lifetime of harrowing experiences apart from his own. In doing so, the show has proven that not only can the MCU work on television, it can thrive on it.

Marvel Studios’ first Disney Plus series, “WandaVision,” was a fabulous first step onto TV, proving that the MCU, itself an experiment in creating an episodic series of blockbuster feature films, could shrink itself down to the scope of an American sitcom. Its exploration of grief and the restorative power of comfort TV could not have been more relevant to an audience enduring a devastating pandemic. But as it unfolded, the escalating mystery of what was actually happening on “WandaVision” — Evan Peters showing up as Pietro-but-not-actually-Pietro, Kathryn Hahn hiding in plain sight as Agatha, Elizabeth Olsen unwittingly responsible for almost everything on the show as Wanda — began to overwhelm it. Fans and major entertainment news outlets alike began wildly theorizing each week — it’s Mephisto! it’s Magneto! — and the pressure to achieve a Marvel-sized scale, service a wide ensemble of MCU characters, and resolve all its narrative strands made the final episodes of “WandaVision” feel, to some, misshapen.

Marvel’s follow-up series, “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier,” meanwhile, was at once more conventional and more ungainly, with five separate antagonists (John Walker, Karli Morgenthau, Helmut Zemo, Sharon Carter and Valentina Allegra de Fontaine) operating at cross-purposes and overshadowing the two title characters meant to be at the heart of the show and the exploration of being a Black man in America meant to drive it.

“Loki” avoids all of that, because it’s the first MCU show that understands to its bones that the best television is about its characters first, and its story second. The lasting pleasure of longform storytelling is allowing the audience a far deeper understanding of who is on screen than a two-hour movie can allow. That sensibility is already woven into the MCU: Watching Tony Stark, Thor, and Steve Rogers grow and changed over multiple features has been central to the franchise’s unprecedented success. But while Marvel’s conviction to make their shows the same way they’ve made their movies makes sense, it’s also had the paradoxical effect of making “WandaVision” and “FAWS” feel too overloaded with their characters doing stuff than just letting them be.

Each episode of “Loki” does just that. In Episode 1, Loki and Mobius (Owen Wilson, never better?) sit and talk about why Loki does what he does; in Episode 2, they ruminate on the nature of accepted reality while trying to solve the mystery of the variant Loki’s whereabouts. In Episode 3, Loki and Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino, an instant star) spend the entire hour walking through a doomed planet getting to know each other, and casually coming out in the process. Episode 4 is when the story shifts into a higher gear, with Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s Ravonna Renslayer emerging as its true antagonist, but even that episode allowed for several extended scenes of human connection, between Ravonna and Mobius, Loki and Mobius, and Sylvie and Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku, richer with each episode).

This week’s penultimate episode, “Journey Into Mystery,” introduces several new Loki variants, a critical new location in the Void (the purgatory at the end of time into which all pruned entities are dumped) and a blockbuster movie sized enemy in the monstrous, timeline devouring Alioth (re-imagined somewhat from the comic books). And yet, there’s still time for Loki and Sylvie to sit on a hill, share a conjured blanket and quietly express how much they mean to each other, and there’s also time for Classic Loki (the great Richard E. Grant) to get a deeply satisfying character arc. After explaining how his own existential despair at his lot in life allowed him to live well past his encounter with Thanos, Classic Loki’s encounter with Loki and Sylvie reinvigorates his sense of glorious purpose — and helps Loki to understand he’s more powerful than he’s ever allowed himself to be. It’s a full meal in miniature, and Grant makes the most of it.

All the while, Herron and writer Tom Kauffman work in all manner of delightful alternate reality Easter eggs, from the USS Eldridge (purported to have been part of an experimental cloaking and teleportation device in 1943) to the Polybius video game (purported to be a government psy-ops scheme). More notably, there are also some MCU Easter eggs, including the Thanos helicopter and the Living Tribunal that flit by quickly and appear designed to tickle Marvel die-hards and pleasantly mystify everyone else. And then there’s Alligator Loki, a flawless creature who should be protected at all costs.

There is one blink-and-you-missed-it moment, though, that could be something more, when the Qeng Enterprises logo shows up on the Avengers tower. In the comics, Tony Stark sells that tower to Qeng, which is secretly connected to the same Marvel boogeyman that’s haunted “Loki” from its premiere: Kang the Conqueror. The decrepit house Loki and Sylvie are stepping towards at the end of the episode also looks like it could — could — be Chronopolis, Kang’s HQ in the comics, although the TVA itself could be that as well. In any event, it’s been well documented, here and elsewhere, that Kang could be the entity who is really behind the TVA, especially since “Lovecraft Country” star Jonathan Majors has already been cast in the role and will appear in 2023’s “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.”

If “Loki” does introduce Kang in its finale, however, then the show is stepping onto its highest, thinnest tightrope yet. This is supposed to be a show about Loki, not about a villain that, within the world of the MCU, remains a total unknown. It’s a massive risk for any series to bring in a brand new character — let alone the Big Bad! — in the final episode, so this could be another example of an MCU series serving the larger franchise at the expense of its own story. That would be a shame. Sticking the landing, after all, has always been troublesome for TV because TV is so much more about the shared journey than the ultimate destination. And yet, if anyone in the MCU knows how to alight onto safe ground despite impossible odds, it is the god of outcasts, who lives to survive.

“Loki” streams new episodes Wednesdays on Disney Plus.

[tiramisiyu]

【未定事件簿】Tears of Themis: Main Story 6-13 Translation

Translation Masterlist | Video

Chapter 6 – Tiger’s Accomplice Ghost (Parts 1, 2): 6-1 / 6-3 / 6-5 / 6-7 / 6-9 / 6-11 / 6-13 / 6-15 ♦️ ♦️  6-16 / 6-18 / 6-20 / 6-22 / 6-24 / 6-26 / 6-27 / 6-28 / 6-29

--

Fu Qiao’s House

Tuesday night 8:00PM, we arrived at Fu Qiao’s house. Fu Qiao and Zhou Nan co-rented a place, so it sounded like they were somewhat richer than other university students, but the area of the place they lived in was actually very small.

MC: This house is just about 30 square meters, right.

On the left of the entrance was the washroom, and on the right, there was a very simple kitchen. There was a washing machine right under the induction stove. Deeper inside, there was a bed and book table. You could see everything in one look – the room was small enough that there wasn’t space for excess seating.

Fu Qiao: More or less. Rent in the middle of the city is expensive, and we can’t afford any larger.

Zuo Ran: Campus housing has cheap rent. You and Zhou Nan were both students, so why not rent a place there?

Fu Qiao: Nannan… didn’t go to school often. She spent more time going to the bar.

Fu Qiao: The transit here is convenient. You can take the subway to directly get to the bar or school.

MC: How many transit lines do you have to take to get from here to Xunye?

Fu Qiao: You take Line 7 to Changzhou Station, then switch to Line 3 to Jinyang Street to get there.

Zuo Ran: Isn’t it alright to take Line 7 straight to the bar? Having to switch rides must be troublesome.

Fu Qiao: Xunye Bar is on the other side of the road. If you get off the stop on the bar’s street, you’ll have to walk quite a distance over. Taking Jinyang Street is relatively closer.

Fu Qiao: From C exit, Xunye is a few steps east.

>Fu Qiao is lying!

MC: (Fu Qiao is lying. If he never knew where Xunye was, then how could he be so familiar with switching rides on the subway to get there!)

I pretended to casually shoot Zuo Ran a glance, and our eyes met. It was obvious that we were thinking the same thing.

MC: After Zhou Nan’s accident, you didn’t move back to live around on campus? You can save on costs like this.

Fu Qiao: No. I’m already in my fourth year of university, and I’m mostly focusing on internships and looking for work, so I don’t really go back to school.

Fu Qiao: Plus, we rented this place early on – we rented in first year. Rent was cheap back then, and it hasn’t risen these past few years.

Fu Qiao: It’s now really hard to find a place nearby at this price, so I didn’t back out of renting this place for future work convenience.

MC: That’s true. Real estate prices have grown fast in these past few years.

Fu Qiao: Ah, look at me, I forgot that I don’t have extra chairs at home, letting you two stand while talking.

Fu Qiao: In the past when Nannan and I were at home, it would always be one person sitting on the bed while the other sat on the chair. If we placed more around, they wouldn’t see any use.

Fu Qiao: Please wait for a bit, I’ll go borrow some from a neighbour.

Zuo Ran: Thank you for your trouble.

--

As Fu Qiao was gone, Zuo Ran and I could take this opportunity to observe if there were any clues in Fu Qiao’s house.

MC: Lawyer Zuo, have you noticed where things aren’t quite right in this house?

Zuo Ran: Mm, there are several places.

>Select: Closet

MC: Lawyer Zuo, look at that transparent closet.

The doors of the closet in Fu Qiao’s place were transparent – it could be considered as a sort of simplistic, industrial style.

MC: It seems like it’s all male clothing in there. I don’t see any female clothing in there at all.

Zuo Ran: There are few clothes hung in there – it’s clear that there’s still lots of space.

Zuo Ran: But we can’t exclude the possibility that Fu Qiao placed Zhou Nan’s items in a box to keep them.

Zuo Ran: Look at the bottom shelf – there are storage boxes.

MC: But based on my experience in putting away clothes, storage boxes typically contain clothes for other seasons.

MC: The weather’s not cold these days, and the clothes Fu Qiao hung are all unlayered clothes…

MC: Thick clothes like down clothing are probably inside the storage boxes.

Zuo Ran: If we consider that, there are only two storage boxes, so there isn’t space to put Zhou Nan’s clothes.

Zuo Ran: Because even if they were compressed, with the addition of winter bed linings, he would only be able to stuff it inside the closet.

MC: The topmost shelf of the closet is also empty…

MC: Is it possible that Fu Qiao threw away Zhou Nan’s clothes?

MC: But didn’t Zhao Fei say that they were all left for Fu Qiao as mementos? Since they’re mementos, why would he throw them?

This was very contradictory – I had somewhat of a hard time figuring it out.

Zuo Ran: We’ll indirectly ask him later.

 >Select: Closet (2)

MC: This kind of simplistic, industrial-style closet seems to be really popular these days – it’s fashionable.

Zuo Ran: I favour wooden furniture more – they have more of a sense of reality, and they look stable.

Zuo Ran: What about you?

MC: For me…

MC: Seems like there’s nothing I prefer in particular – fashionable or retro, I’m fine with it all.

Zuo Ran: Is that so… I understand.

  >Select: Bookshelf

Zuo Ran: “Basic Applications of Chemistry”, “Calculus”…

Zuo Ran: They should be Fu Qiao’s books.

MC: There isn’t a single book on photography, and there aren’t any pictures in the room like at Zhao Fei’s house…

MC: Even if Zhou Nan didn’t like studying, didn’t go to classes, and didn’t get teaching materials, she should still have photography equipment.

MC: She even went to a bar to work for photography, so she probably truly liked it.

Zuo Ran: There also isn’t any photography equipment in anywhere visible…

Zuo Ran: Photography equipment are expensive items, and they must have been things that Zhou Nan valued, so where could they be kept…?

 >Select: Bookshelf (2)

MC: Lawyer Zuo, you have a lot of collected books in your house, right – are they all law-related books?

Zuo Ran: Half of the second floor at my house is a movies and music room, and half is book room – the books I’ve collected could be considered to be many.

Zuo Ran: Aside from law, there are also movies, philosophy, science fiction, and some original German books.

MC: If there’s a chance, could I borrow some to read?

Zuo Ran: Of course. You’re welcome anytime.

 >Select: Dresser

MC: A guy’s dresser sure is simple…

Zuo Ran: Will a lady have many things on her dresser?

Zuo Ran: Things like skincare products and jewelry?

MC: That’s right! Aside from the skincare products everyone knows about, I’ve even got several kinds of combs.

MC: Such as hairbrushes, toothed combs, round brushes, bristle brushes, et cetera…

Zuo Ran: Is it to deal with different hairstyles?

MC: Of course.

MC: But the toughest part of every day is seeing all the hair that I’ll never be able to fully clear off from the combs…

Just as I’d spoken, I heard Zuo Ran laugh quietly.

MC: If I already got the high-level lawyer qualification, I probably wouldn’t be troubled by this.

Zuo Ran: No, you’ve misunderstood, I didn’t intend to laugh at you.

Zuo Ran: I just feel like you… are very lively like this.

MC: Eh?

Zuo Ran: I don’t see you like this often.

MC: …

Zuo Ran: I’ve learned it from you now. When I go home, I’ll research the different types of combs – usually, I really don’t use this many.

MC: But, Lawyer Zuo, what are you studying up on this for…

Smiling, Zuo Ran shook his head without replying to me.

 >Select: Dresser (2)

Zuo Ran: Most of the things on the dresser are things that males use. There is no indication that a woman lived here.

MC: (Where did Fu Qiao store Zhou Nan’s things?)

 >Select: Bed

Zuo Ran: There is only one pillow on the bed, and the bedsheets are also the dark-coloured style preferred by men…

MC: Yeah. Typically, though the fabrics on often get washed, it’s rare for them to be thrown away, unless if they’re damaged.

MC: For the blankets, quilts, and so on that I’ve bought, I’ll use them for several years.

MC: This is even more so for pillows – I’m reluctant to switch them out after getting used to them…

MC: But Fu Qiao… though it’s a two-person bed, it’s obvious that only one person used the fabrics on the bed.

MC: And it’s the kind that guys prefer…

Zuo Ran: After Zhou Nan’s death, he threw all the things they originally had, and changed to a new set.

Zuo Ran: We can’t exclude this possibility.

MC: Anyway, if it were me, I probably wouldn’t buy fabrics of this style.

--

MC: Looking at Fu Qiao’s house furnishings, it looks just like he’s completely erased all the indications of Zhou Nan living here.

Zuo Ran: Someone who loved deeply, who couldn’t retain in time the indications of his partner’s life after she passed…

Zuo Ran: He must be hiding something if he’s cleared everything out so cleanly.

Fu Qiao was taking a bit of a long time borrowing chairs, so Zuo Ran and I waited for quite a while before he came back.

--

Fu Qiao: My apologies, the neighbours around all get off work late, so most of them aren’t home.

MC: No need to worry, we were the ones to trouble you.

Fu Qiao: You can’t say that…

Fu Qiao: After Nannan passed, very few people still thought of her. Thank you for worrying and running around for her.

Zuo Ran: We were also entrusted to this by someone.

Fu Qiao: Uh, was it Nannan’s big brother? I’ve seen him a few times, though we’re not very familiar.

Fu Qiao: As for Nannan’s mother… she’s already emigrated to another country with her new family. After Nannan died, she only gave a call.

MC: …

Fu Qiao: You two said before that Nannan was murdered, so you mean… she didn’t use illegal drugs herself?

Zuo Ran: Yes, we suspect that Zhou Nan was deliberately murdered, so we wanted to get an understanding of the situation from you.

Zuo Ran: You should be the person who is the most familiar with her in this world.

Fu Qiao: How could that be… how could she have been murdered…

MC: Mr. Fu, do you mean that it’s not possible for someone to have murdered Zhou Nan?

Fu Qiao: Though Nannan worked as a bar waitress, which is kind of… you know, but she probably never started a feud with anyone.

>He didn’t approve of Zhou Nan!

MC: (With Fu Qiao’s tone, it’s clear that he doesn’t approve of bar waitressing!)

Fu Qiao: Ugh, I don’t know where to start, so ask as you please.

INTERROGATION START

Relations with Zhou Nan

MC: Mr. Fu, we just saw you burn the paper cranes – the relationship between you and Zhou Nan must have been excellent.

Fu Qiao: Mhmm, Nannan was my first love, as well as the only person I’ve ever liked up to now.

Fu Qiao: If not for Nannan’s incident, I had already prepared to marry her after graduating from fourth year, which would be next year.

Zuo Ran: Mr. Fu, I presume you aren’t a native to Stellis City and did not attend the same school as Zhou Nan. How did you two meet?

Fu Qiao: I’m not a Stellis City citizen – my family lives outside of the city.

Fu Qiao: I don’t really like to interact with people in real life. Instead, I chat with friends online more.

Fu Qiao: Nannan and I met online. I first liked the scenic pictures she took, then got to know her.

MC: Scenic pictures? Were they posted on social media?

Fu Qiao: Yes. We were both in high school back then, and there was lots of pressure to study, so I liked to look at her pictures to relive pressure.

Fu Qiao: During then, I vaguely felt like I liked Nannan, and I wrote in the Gaokao* that I aspired to go to Stellis City.

Fu Qiao: After we met offline when first year started, we officially started dating.

Zuo Ran: Looks like Zhou Nan’s photography skills are excellent.

Fu Qiao: Mhmm. To me, the pictures she took were the most beautiful.

 TL Note:

*Gaokao are China’s standardized tests for university admissions.

Locations of Zhou Nan’s Works

MC: Have you still kept Zhou Nan’s works?

MC: I don’t seem to see any in your house.

Fu Qiao: About this…

Fu Qiao: I… I burned all the photos…

MC: Burned them? Why?

Fu Qiao: Missing someone after seeing related things will only make me sadder.

Fu Qiao: Not just her works – I either donated all her things or burned them.

Fu Qiao: I feel like I won’t be able to walk free all my life if I leave those things at home.

Talisman

MC: If I may be so bold, is the thing on your neck… an talisman?

MC: If you keep it so close on you, was it something left by Zhou Nan?

Fu Qiao: Ah, this…

Fu Qiao: This is an talisman, but it wasn’t left by Nannan. It’s a symbol of peace that I prayed for at Yunxia Temple.

Zuo Ran: Could you take it out for a look? I’m just purely curious.

Zuo Ran: I’ve always wanted to go to Yunxia Temple to pray for one, but work is too busy, and I never have time.

Fu Qiao clutched at his collar, looking somewhat agitated.

Fu Qiao: Sorry, the master said that it’s best to not show it to anyone aside from family – otherwise, it won’t work.

Zuo Ran: I’m sorry, I acted impolitely.

The moment Fu Qiao put down his hand, I noticed that the bottom of his index finger seemed to be a bit thinner than the upper part…

MC: (Is this… the mark left by a ring?)

MC: (If one wears a ring for a long time without taking it off, day or night, then it’ll leave this kind of mark.)

MC: (A lot of people who wear wedding rings are like this.)

MC: (Ring…)

  Bar Waitressing

Zuo Ran: A hobby like photography is very costly – after all, the equipment is very expensive.

Zuo Ran: Was Zhou Nan’s financial situation alright? Did she have any financial conflicts with anyone?

Fu Qiao: Nannan’s costs were indeed large, but she was a girl that strove for self-improvement and always relied on herself to work for money. She never took on any loans.

Fu Qiao: If she didn’t have to deal with these costs, she wouldn’t have worked as a bar waitress.

MC: Mr. Fu… you must not have been willing for Zhou Nan to be a bar waitress?

Fu Qiao: Of course I wasn’t willing. This job is both tough and dangerous. Aside from drinking every day and damaging her body, those guests…

As he spoke, Fu Qiao clenched his fist.

Fu Qiao: Those guests became handsy with her quite a few times.

Fu Qiao: Though Nannan wouldn’t stay out for the night, but…

Zuo Ran: When did you find out that Zhou Nan was a bar waitress?

Zuo Ran: You considered Zhou Nan’s convenience of transit when you first rented the house, so she must have worked as a bar waitress for a while.

Fu Qiao: At the beginning, I only knew that she worked in the north area. I didn’t know she was a bar waitress.

Fu Qiao: After, she told me that she worked at Xunye, and only said that she was a singer.

Fu Qiao: Nannan’s singing was very good.

Fu Qiao never directly answered the question “When did he find out about Zhou Nan being a bar waitress”. But based on how Fu Qiao described this job, he didn’t seem like he only knew of Zhou Nan bar waitressing after her death – instead, it was like he went to get an understanding of it beforehand.

He didn’t tell the truth, and Zuo Ran and I didn’t persist in these questions, to avoid raising his alert accidentally.

Interpersonal Relationships

MC: Theoretically, if Zhou Nan was murdered by someone, can you think of any suspects?

Fu Qiao: Uh… as of now, I can’t come up with anything.

Fu Qiao: Aside from exams at the end of term, Nannan very rarely went to school. Most of her friends were ones she knew from the bar.

Fu Qiao: If I really had to say, I think that the bar guests are more probable.

Fu Qiao: Those people weren’t good people to begin with, and they could have gotten in contact with illegal drugs.

Zuo Ran: But what reason would they have to murder Zhou Nan?

Fu Qiao: Maybe it was love-related jealousy?

Fu Qiao: They’re too far away from my life, so I don’t really know much about it.

Proof He Wasn’t on the Scene

MC: What were you doing on the night of Zhou Nan’s incident?

To avoid making this question seem too offensive, I added a question to it.

MC: When did the police contact you about Zhou Nan’s incident?

Fu Qiao: That night, I was doing experiments at school. Because I was very tired, I headed straight home after the experiment finished.

Fu Qiao: When the police contacted me, it was early morning. I was asleep, and didn’t get to pick up.

Fu Qiao: I only knew of Nannan’s incident after waking at 8AM and looking at my phone.

MC: Didn’t you say that Zhou Nan has never stayed out for the night? Didn’t you get in touch with her when she didn’t get back at night?

Fu Qiao: …

A flash of panic passed over Fu Qiao’s face, and he recovered his calm very quickly.

Fu Qiao: She had keys. If she got back late, she would open the door herself.

Fu Qiao: I originally thought that she would return at 2-3-o’clock – this was also a frequent occurrence.

MC: Is that so…

MC: Did you usually pick her up after she got off work?

Partners will typically do this, right?

Fu Qiao: I’ve brought it up before, but it’s too far to go back and forth. As a non-local, I’m not familiar with the north area, and the public safety there is bad, so Nannan didn’t let me go.

Fu Qiao: She said that she had a friend that lived near us. If she couldn’t make it to the last train, then she’d come back with her friend.

MC: If so… you’ve never gone to Xunye Bar?

Fu Qiao: I’ve never gone. I’ve also only heard Nannan casually bring up Xunye’s address.

Chen Hanzhang

MC: Mr. Fu, do you know this person?

I handed Chen Hanzhang’s photo to Fu Qiao. He just hastily swept his gaze over it.

Fu Qiao: I don’t know her. Who is she?

Zuo Ran: She’s called Chen Hanzhang. She went to Xunye that night, and she is also suspected of illegal drug trafficking.

Fu Qiao: Do you suspect that it was her who killed Nannan?

Zuo Ran: We only suspect her. We have no evidence, and we also can’t find a motive for her to kill Zhou Nan.

Fu Qiao: She doesn’t look like a good person, but I’ve never met her.

Fu Qiao kept his head lowered the whole time he was speaking, and he never looked at Chen Hanzhang’s photo again.

Zuo Ran: …

Drug History

MC: Do you know about how Zhou Nan has history with drugs?

Fu Qiao: Mhmm, I know about it. But it was very slight, and she went on withdrawal a long time ago.

Zuo Ran: After this matter, didn’t you try to convince Zhou Nan to change jobs?

Fu Qiao: I did… but her income would decrease if she changed jobs, and she wouldn’t be able to make enough.

Fu Qiao: It was me that was useless – I couldn’t help her split the responsibility…

INTERROGATION END

--

After flipping through the analysis record I made before, it seemed like we’d basically asked Fu Qiao all that we needed to ask.

MC: Mr. Fu, we’ve troubled you today…

MC: Eh? Mr. Fu, you grow out your nails? I believe that it’s rare for guys to grow out their nails.

Both of Fu Qiao’s pinky nails had been grown out. The other fingers all had their nails cut neatly.

Fu Qiao: Oh, for convenience.

Fu Qiao: Either for experiments or for daily life, there are always places to use one’s nails.

Fu Qiao: It’s not quite the same as when women grow out their nails.

MC: That’s true.

Fu Qiao: That… if there are new developments about Nannan’s cause of death, could you let me know?

MC: Sure. Then we’ll bid farewell.

[disaster-fruit]

and I know it's unfair because I haven't answered the ask yet but you're Brazilian so you know way more than me but I'd love to hear your thoughts about Imperial Brazil?? I'm really struggling with him bc i know about him in this era more from a portuguese perspective.....

YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN’T ANSWER THIS HUH 

Sorry for taking so damn long audshdf I was saving this ask to do a real deep dive into the whole empire with a lot of historical explanation and a lot of detail buuuut I was having some trouble coherently organizing my thoughts about Pedro II’s reign so instead I’m gonna use this ask to more loosely talk abt the first half of the empire. You’ve seen my basic thoughts on the second half on that other post, so now I’m gonna ramble mostly about 1808-1840.

Also, hm, this is LONG. It’s embarrassingly long. I hope you have time. 

And yes 1808-1822 is not part of the empire, but Brazil was no longer a colony in practice during those years, and I think they were crucial to his development as a person. 

Before 1808, Brazil pretty much grew up alone. His mother was around less and less, and he had no friends. Portugal was, as we already know, a shitty dad. Up to that point, he was not only absent but also very controlling. He never allowed Brazil or his people to learn how to read, Brazil wasn’t allowed to have libraries or universities or newspapers or even print. Portugal alienated Brazil both from his mother and from Port himself. He was forcefully kept from developing his own ideas, and his growth was stagnant – even physically. The way I see it, after 300 years he was still a small child, while the others around him were already growing into teenagers even though they were younger in actual numbers. Portugal literally kept him from developing as a person, by force. 

But suddenly, Portugal needed him. Suddenly, he showed up at his shore, with hundreds of people, and objects, and books. And though Portugal desperately needed Brazil at that time, his king couldn’t be there with Brazil being like that. That land with no cities and no libraries and no economy no nothing because he was forced to have nothing. 

He starts growing really, really fast, and forcefully again. And it was a painful process – his people were being kicked out of their houses so that the people that arrived from Portugal had where to live. In a few years, he grew almost as fast as humans did. But it was still an incomplete growth – most of his people were still living in misery, but now he had a structured state that allowed him to more firmly fit into what a nation means. But it all happened so fast he was… dizzy. 

And that was all combined with what was happening in his relationship with his father. They had both gotten much closer now that Portugal was physically there more often. I think Portugal is considerably less shitty to Brazil during these years, both because he needs him and because he is a relief from everything going on in Europe. But that doesn’t mean he became a good dad, but also Brazil was a lot smarter now, a lot freer, and quick to realize something that had always been true – Portugal needed Brazil more than Brazil needed Portugal. Much more. 

The fact that he wasn’t a colony anymore but wasn’t quite independent, and thus still had to obey Portugal to some degree, started to annoy him. This has quite a bit of teenage rebellion element into it, but that doesn’t mean it came from unjustified anger. Not at all. His pride and ego were starting to really develop. The king of Portugal liked him better than he liked port himself, Brazil was heaven on earth, Brazil was rich, Brazil was full of potential, Brazil was great, Brazil was paradise, Brazil was not his own.  

And that just keeps building.

And when Portugal starts talking about making him a colony again. After all that shit about the being a united kingdom, about Portugal being his father and trying to get close to him, of seeing him as a refuge and a relief, after all of that connection I think Portugal genuinely tried to build with him, the ugly truth is bare again – Portugal never saw him as worthy of equal footing, never saw that united kingdom as anything but temporary, never saw brazil as anything more than a colony. 

And Brazil is mad. 

When he found out the plans of Pedro I to declare independence, he’s more than happy. He’s been thinking of it for a while, and I think maybe deep down he didn’t love the idea of another Portuguese man being his boss, but Pedro had grown up in brazil, dude was carioca at heart, his wife was wonderful, Brazil could work with that. He declared independence, fought against Portugal, won, still had to pay for his independence, but, at last, he got it. 

I think in a way Brazil’s anger, as righteous as it was, did blind him to what was going on. He wanted so bad to get rid of Portugal and avoid going back to how it was when he was a colony, that he waved away or even approved things that really just kept him stuck in the same place. Very little actually changed for most people, and as someone who literally represented all the people, he knew that and could feel that, but he was still so euphoric personally about it that he… ignored it. 

Pedro I’s reign was… messy. He needed a constitution, he got into a war with Argentina, everyone was talking about who Pedro was fucking, it was just a whole mess. For that reason, I think despite declaring his independence, brazil remembers Pedro as being mostly an irresponsible asshole who couldn’t keep it in his pants and was too busy being a playboy to rule this country yet still managed to be authoritarian and also made him lose Uruguay. And when it came time for him to choose Brazil or Portugal, just like his father, he chooses Portugal. 

That was a blow on his ego. Brazil at this point was still just a teenager, who had in two decades grown insanely fast for a nation, has been told by each king his land was heaven on earth and so much richer than Portugal, yet no one was willing to choose him. Ever. He was still an afterthought. Like a colony, that still had a metropolis. Pedro left him with a 4-year-old, with a government disorganized, and no money. 

And then the Provinces start to rise up. 

So, hm, a quick background on how I see the provinces: Some of them existed since around 1530, some were younger and some weren't around yet, and if Brazil first appeared representing the people that were born in this new colony, the provinces were much more… administrative and political. Yet many of the ones that were around grew much faster than Brazil – they were already teenagers or even adults by independence. They had always responded directly to Portugal and for a long time saw no connection between themselves or between them and Brazil. The idea of “Brazil” was only like… 100 years old, even less than that. And some of them were not loving being attached to those two kids – Brazil and the baby emperor. They saw the weak government of the regency as a chance to rise up and declare their own independence, as many who started as provinces around them had – like Uruguay.

The regency lasted 9 years, but I think those few years were also crucial to form Brazil as a person, due to how stressful they were. Think about it, he saw what was happening around him, with Spain’s former colonies. And I think he for the first time had to grapple with the very human existential fear of death. 

If each of his provinces became their own country, would he still be around? Would he just become… Rio? But Rio existed as a province too. Would he just… be a lot of different countries? Probably not.  He would probably disappear. He had only just started to be allowed to live, but that could be taken away at any moment. Uruguay and Rio Grande do Sul succeeded in getting their independence. How long until the others? It was quite terrifying. And I think that experience not only made him averse to the idea of being a republic in general at the time, but also created a lot of emotional and psychological problems for him, a lot of insecurity, as well as it made him realize he was nothing. There was nothing to justify his existence. He couldn’t say he existed because he wanted freedom or republic, he had none of these, plus it was something the provinces too could have. What united that land? What made him him? Those were all questions that would haunt him for the rest of the empire, and he would soon be more than willing to go after and accept easy answers. That’s how he gets to that whole indianismo think I talked about some time ago.

He fights his own provinces, on people, countless times. Revolts that really were like civil wars kept popping, and he, who was just a teenager, had to fight to oppress his provinces and force them into being a part of him, for a reason he himself didn’t know. He couldn’t explain why they should be a part of him, except that they were and he wanted them to be and he wanted to live. And he didn’t know why.

In summary, this whole period was one of fear, and insecurity, and doubt. It shook him profoundly as a person more than as a country. Because once Pedrinho was in power, things were quick to stabilize and it was, in some ways, as if those revolts had never happened, but Brazil remembered them, he lived through them, and never really forgot that fear. 

If the regency was marked by external peace and internal turmoil, Pedrinho’s reign was one of relatively internal peace and external turmoil. Pedro II was… a complicated figure. Most Brazilians today regard him as an excellent ruler and a wise man, but I at least can’t be this optimistic about the man who insisted on the Paraguayan war, refused to abolish slavery for decades, and basically laid ground to a lot of the problems we still have today, like bad distribution of land and late industrialization. He didn’t do all that by himself, of course, a lot can be blamed on the senate, but he was the most powerful man on the country, and he receives way too much credit for his personal beliefs of being an abolitionist and a pacifist. Maybe he really was both these things, but that doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t use his power to end slavery and avoid war, quite the opposite. And why is that important here? Because I think brazil, the tan, was also fooled by it. He quickly bought into the narrative that Pedro II was this wise incredible man, and overlooked all the ways he kept the worst structures of the country untouched in order to not upset the elite that kept him in power. Brazil wanted nothing but stability and power, and Pedro, looking like the opposite of his father at the surface, brought that. There were no more separatist movements or civil wars once he rose to power, Rio Grande do Sul was reabsorbed, and the years that followed were ones of relative prosperity, and all of that really made brazil more and more attached to the whole concept of the empire. I think just like he was willing to ignore a lot of things during independence for the sake of it, here too he ignored all the ways Pedro II held him back so that he could fully feel the pride of being a powerful empire.

Brazil really did like being an empire during that time. The narrative of the empire was one that answered the question that haunted him for so long – what justified his existence. Justifying it, in the 19th century, is what I believe to be the main motivation underlying everything he did and thought. And the narrative was that the empire guaranteed stability and avoided civil wars and fragmentation, allowing Brazil to be, to quote José Bonifacio, “This majestic and solid piece of social architecture from the Prata to the Amazonas”, and again, all that in comparison to his neighbors that were constantly drowning in civil wars and fragmenting. For stability and that justification, he was willing to turn a blind eye to anything else.

So he rose from the regency feeling stronger than ever. Pedrinho had put everything into place, he was growing, he had a Brazilian in power for the first time, his coffee was going well, and he had survived. Many of his neighbors hadn’t, or at least not in the sense of managing to keep their territories intact. He did. His neighbors were unstable, with wars and coups and wars (like he hadn’t just had exactly that), he was stable and growing and he was the strongest. Once free of the fear of being destroyed from the inside, his ego grew once again, and he felt good. He felt pride in being a big strong and centralized empire, and to look down on the other Latin Americans and even on his father. He was ready now to make his power and influence spread, as an Empire. 

That's it, sorry if this is both ridiculously long and also a mess, I have way too many thoughts about imperial brazil and I could've probably written ten more pages of it and still have something to say. Also I'd still love to hear your thoughts on the empire for a Portuguese perspective, because I genuinely have no clue what that would look like. But anyway hmm I hope this was fun? 

[moonlightstars16]

Birthday Kiss

AN: Happy Birthday Steven Universe!

And thank you @ponpasta who inspired a part of this story with her beautiful artwork.

Traveling long distances for some are not exactly ideal. For Steven? A golden opportunity. He loved the time to just sit and listen to music, take things leisurely if he wanted(going on the right roads to do so of course), see all the sites and make notes of where everything is, etc. At first it was an adjustment but he grew to love it in no time. However he this wasn't just some long drive to anywhere he wanted to go.

He was visiting his old hometown, Beach City. Always keeping his childhood home close to his heart. Though it was time to spread his wings so to speak. Going back every once in awhile wasn't so bad though. Especially since he almost hit every single state he planned on. This was a nice break. Greg asked him to come back to celebrate the old Car Wash being upgraded and loads more "wealthy" customers as regulars. One of them being Nanefua since she became mayor(though always a customer just a more richer one).

It was an odd thing to celebrate but he was still proud of his dad. Continuing to work even though he had the money, well a part of it. He gave three-fourths of it to Steven for his travels and expenses; until he found a place and use the rest to start a home for himself. In a strange way he felt like he owed him at list a weekly visit. Besides still loving his dad like he always did. That never changed.

Upon arriving back to the temple beach house, he sucked in a deep breathe. This home he lived in had been through so much.  Good and bad. It was like walking into a moment out of time. Nothing had changed since he left. Besides a few house plants on the front porch. Holding his hand up he flinched back as the door swung open. Garnet right there with a smile on her face.

"Steven!" She spoke in her abnormal tone of voice and opened her arms as he let his bag fall and embraced for a hug.

"Yo Steven!" Amethyst shouted as she slid down the staircase railing and joined in on the hug. Another loud gasp was heard as Pearl rushed up in tears.

"S-S-Steven!" She stuttered through her cries. Steven smiled as they stood there and he was embraced in their warmth and love. Something he missed while out on the road. His own tears brimmed his eyes as he blinked them back, pulling apart to look at them. Still being the most amazing people on the planet.

"I missed you all so much too." He spoke softly as they lead him back into the house. They told him his father was at the car wash and would see him when they got home later. Sitting in the open living room, Steven told them all of his adventures since last time they did a video chat.

How he had met Sour Cream one night surprisingly as he was DJing at a gig he had gotten through connections. The different cultures and the many different ways to save a flat tire and still use it in the middle of nowhere. Using his powers of course. Which he had gotten used to having again. Just using is sparingly. The gems told him all that was going on with the school and keeping him up on current events. Also how Pearl discovered emoji's recently. Which made Amethyst groan.

Greg came home soon after and hugged his amazing son. Steven relaying all he had told the gems to his dad. However when it came to asking about the car wash upgrade, certain questions were dodged in vague statements. Something in his gut told him it wasn't right. But after he literally just arrived, it probably wasn't the best to push it at the moment.

The gems and Greg insisted to Steven to at least take up his old room for the stay. To have a chance to sleep in a 'real bed' once more. After awhile he agreed just because he grew tired.  Once everyone went to sleep, Steven laid in the bed and scrolled through his next traveling game plan when he got a text from a certain Jam Bud.

Hey I heard you just got home! You asleep???

Nope, I mean I'm tired but apparently not enough to fall asleep. Lolz

Oh I'm sorry! We can talk later if you want.

It's okay I want to converse with you. I really want to. Steven added heart emojis for emphasis as Connie gave back a quizzical emoji.

Is that so...check out your window. With a sly smirk and glance emoji, a winking one and a blowed kiss, he got up, slipping on his old salmon-pink flip-flop sandals plus pink jacket, walked out to the balcony and smiled. There was his beloved girlfriend, his sweet strawberry. Dressed in what appeared to be a thin pajama top and shorts that came to mid thigh along with sandals and a thin jacket. Hair down as she smiled and held up a flashlight. Waving her hand to have him come down.

Which he did so by jumping off and floating down to the ground gently. Not a moment was wasted as they ran towards each other. Connie wrapping her arms around his neck as he held her waist and swung her around from the impact twice before setting her down. Letting their lips touch in a gentle but passionate kiss. Pulling back they sighed, with a slight muffled giggle, before gazing into each others eyes.

"I'm so happy to see you in person!" Her voice though in a whisper was full of excitement.

"Always a joy to see you face to face...not through a screen." He added with another giggle as she nodded in agreement. "Though what's with all the secrecy?"

"What? Can't a gal like me just sneak out to surprise her sweet boyfriend? On his special day no less!"

"So you snuck out of your parents house and came her to see me for my birthday?" He had thought of it in passing but not to much in depth when it came to his own birthday. Still he never forgot important dates like this one. Even if he didn't think of it so highly as others have. Still this was beyond a sweet sentiment.

"Yes" She smiled as her head tilted slightly with adoration. "I know your family is going to stick around almost at the hip and I just wanted some time to spend alone with you. So if you are okay, I want to spend the first few minutes of your birthday with you. Starting..." She looked at her phone as the clock changed to twelve midnight. "Now! Happy birthday Steven!"

"Thank you" he chuckled at the kind gesture she showed for him. "But you didn't have to sneak away."

"Steven I would do anything to make you happy or show you how much I deeply care for you. Speaking of which, I found out a fun fact! I found out that a tradition on someones' birthday, you punch that person the amount of years they're turning." With a sly smirk Steven gulped and raised his hands up in the defensive. Connie was strong and was at times unpredictable.

"So you want to punch me seventeen times?" He asked with a joking nervous laugh and smile. Which made Connie burst out laughing a bit and instantly covering her mouth from the noise.

"Oh my starts Steven! I wouldn't punch you like that, especially that many times for your birthday." She explained after catching her breathe.

"Oh.. well that's interesting to know." He said with a curious look in his eyes as she rolled hers.

"Yes it is interesting, but you know what else is too?" Stepping closer she wrapped her arms around his neck as he slipped his around her back and waist. Their faces a few inches away as he gazed into her twinkling eyes. Slowly her lips found his as her eyes were shut, his following soon after. The kiss was gentle, slow and full of love. Pulling back she placed her forehead against his as they smiled, eyes still closed but their warmth still lingering.

"So you want to...kiss me seventeen times?"

"Our boy grew smarter, 'cuz bingo!" She whispered, fluttering her eyes open once more. "Not just any kiss. But one where everything around us disappears and it's just me and you."

"Well since I have sixteen left, can I have another?" He smirked as she sighed slightly shaking her head.

"Like you had do ask?" Giggling she leaned in closer and kissed him once more as he pulled her closer. Hardly breaking apart except for air. They stood like that for awhile. Letting their love fill the aura around them both. Soon Connie had to go back but promised Steven to see him later to finish giving his gift throughout the day. Before leaving on Lion Connie hugged him tight and gave another quick peck on the lips (but that didn't count persay).

"Connie, thank you."

"Of course Steven, Happy birthday." With a smile he helped her get on Lion's back and held her hand briefly.

"See you in a few hours?"

"I'll be right back at your side before you know it." Connie promised as he kissed her hand to show gratitude before allowing her to leave and going back to his own bed. Finally having a full night's peaceful rest. Especially before the craziness of the next day. Birthday notes all over the house as he got ready and was surprised by the party his family and friends were giving at the Car Wash, which did have a make-over but Greg avoided it so he wouldn't want to go there just yet. Especially since all the party decorations were already put up.

Everyone in Beach City came as well as gems from Little HomeSchool to celebrate. At first it was a bit overwhelming, but then the small reunion of 'Sadie Killer and the Suspects' (Just for him) began to lighten his spirits. Just like it did when he was a child. His father had him dawn the old king's cape and crown for the photo album, he talked with everyone and caught up with everything human and gem related. Realizing just how much the difference hardly mattered here. Both sides were living together in harmony because of all he had done. To see just that was all he could've asked for.

Leaping up he sat on the edge of the stage he sighed, looking at Connie. Whom was sitting next to him as well, wearing a beautiful strawberry dress. Both drinking punch and watching as everyone was having a great time. She nudged his shoulder playfully as he did so back. Both caught in a middle shoulder battle until their laughter interrupted it all.

"So, are you having fun?"

"I'm happy to see everyone together like this."

"Well you did influence a lot of this."

"Like I influenced your outfit, Strawberry." he teased as she blushed and gulped.

"Yes... I'm only saying it because it's your birthday!"

"Well thank you my liege for your honest." He chuckled as she sighed.

"Speaking of which, do you want your fifteenth kiss now?" He turned to face her and brushed hair away from her cheek, allowing his hand to linger there.

"Please?" Her hand overlapped his. Without a word she complied and answered so with her lips once again on his own. Neither caring if anyone saw.

Steven was beyond happy to have Connie in his life. She brought him joy in a way no one else could. She stuck by him even when they were fighting. It was her to bring out the best parts of himself. Their love they shared. Without her, he didn't know if he would be the Seventeen year old he was today. he might've influenced human and gem culture, but Connie influenced his life. Changing it for the better.

That was the best birthday present he could have ever asked for.

[jason-todd-deserved-better]

Welcome to the DC Universe - Tim Drake x Reader Headcanon

Request: “I really love your 'welcome to the dc universe' stuff. May i ask a Tim Drake ver? To complete it? Ty”

AN: After three scrapped drafts, four months of delays, and a whole year of planning, I’ve finally have gotten to post Tim’s version of WttDCU. I’m so sorry that it has taken so long, it’s been a long time going and after scraping it three times, I’ve finally figured out the story that I wanted to tell. It’s different than the other boy’s but in all honesty, I’ve grown to love this one so much and even though writer’s block did not help me whatsoever, I’m very proud of what this had become. I hope you guys enjoy, let me know what y’all think, and I love you guys, just want to make sure you guys know that!

Since you were a kid, you were absolutely obsessed with Batman.

Like Batman: The Animated Series was the shit for you, and you were seriously obsessed with it.

Since you were so young, you always loved the Robin character, from Dick Grayson to later Tim Drake. (Unfortunately, Jason Todd was never really in the show from what you remembered.)

Even as you grew older, you often rewatched the series every now and then.

But then you started going for the comics, and oh wow there was a richer story with them.

The Batman series were always your favorite though, you would often read through those the most, especially the ones with the rest of the Batfam.

Hell, you loved almost everyone there, especially the third Boy Wonder.

Oh man did you have a crush on that dude.

To you he seemed the most relatable, especially when you started college this semester.

The sleepless nights spent studying, the constant amount of work that needed to be done, and the ever present need for coffee. (Oh you needed that crap injected in your veins at this point, because you were about ready to crash and burn.)

Yep, very relatable.

Especially now at the most stressful wonderful time of the year, when finals are running rampant and with you craving an end to this misery called a semester.

By some miracle of the gods though, you had just made it out of your last exam of the hell quarter and you were ready to just melt away into nothing. (Or freeze into oblivion because it was way too freaking cold outside to function.)

Since it was freezing outside and you finally had a time to relax, you decided that a long and warm shower would be absolute heaven right now.

So after trudging to your apartment that was five minute walk from your campus, and tugging off your warm layers, you hop into the shower, goosebumps littering your skin from the cold.

You turned on the shower, letting the warm water tug you into bliss.

Which was interrupted by a large crash that sounded as if it originated from your kitchen.

At this, your eyes could be compared to one of a deer in front of headlights.

Absolutely no one else should be in the apartment right then because your roommate left two days ago to go spend time with her family for the holidays.

To make matters worse, you didn’t bring any change of clothes into the bathroom because they weren’t there.

Oh you really wanted to cry right then and there but you stare at the shower curtain rod that you were going to put in to replace the old one, but have now found a new use for it.

Turning off the water, you get your towel, securing it around yourself and grabbing the rod that you were now going to use as a makeshift bat.

Opening the door slightly to check if the coast was clear, you glance out, seeing nothing for the moment and opening the door more as silently as you could walking out with the rod up and ready for anything.

The hallway was clear so then you take the hallway to the kitchen.

You were thinking that it was a dumb move on your part, hell, that’s how people die in horror movies and here you are doing that exact thing.

So when you walked in and saw what was in your kitchen, you screamed.

Mostly out of shock and surprise, plus a tiny amount of fear pinched in there too.

There was a dude dressed up as Red Robin leaning against your counter trying to stay upright.

You weren’t sure what you were expecting but this sure as hell wasn’t it.

Not that you were complaining or even thinking about complaining because you notice that this dude is bleeding all over.

This is when you snap out of your freaked out daze and put down the shower rod and help the guy out.

”Okay my dude,” You pull him to sit on the stool by the counter. “I need you to sit here for a sec.”

He lets off a weak nod, his breathing very ragged, but you already left to get your first aid kit.

Not even a moment afterwards you come back with it in your hands, putting it on the counter as you pop the case open.

You then move to peel off the armor you slowly process the past couple events.

”Oh geez Tim.”  You mutter, starting to disinfect the wounds on the front off his chest.

”Wait a sec, how do you know my name?” He states, stiffening under your touch and he alcohol being rubbed in.

”You my dude, aren’t in Kansas anymore,” You stated bluntly.

”What’s the supposed to mean-” His eyes widen, “Oh crap, Wizard of Oz reference-”

”Means that you aren’t in your universe anymore, I think anyway,”  You say, moving on to another open wound.

”Yeah, but how do you know my name? Do you know this universe’s version of me?” He asks, looking at your face.

”Uh no,” You glance up at him, “Not exactly.”

”Then how do you know it?” His eyes narrow slightly, causing you to move your eyes away from his and to the work that you were currently doing.”

”T-That's going to be a lot to explain,” You stutter.

”Well I’m not going anywhere soon so please explain away.”

So you do, and Tim got very weirded out.

Not at you, but the whole “My Life Is a Source Of Entertainment” to this universe and the fact that he wasn’t even real here.

You didn’t blame him, this was also weirding you out to the max.

Like it's not everyday that your fictional crush pops out of nowhere in the middle of your kitchen.

Then there was the reason that he got there in the first place.

Turns out that he was fighting with the rest of his family against a powerful warlock, and they were winning when all of a sudden there was a flash of bright light when he then felt himself falling.

Then the next thing he knew, he landed in someone’s kitchen.

So that leads to where you two were at now, sitting on your couch, as you look through whatever DC comics you owned and showed them to him so he could see what you were talking about.

The two of you spent a couple hours reading through them.

You guys stopped when your yawns were growing large in numbers.

So you help him put the couch together for him to be more comfortable and head to bed.

Either way, you guys progressively got closer as the days pass.

Like you guys became friends very quickly.

Often times he really liked hearing you talk about your life, especially your interests and your opinions on everyone he knows.

Like how if Bruce sees an orphan he’s got to adopt them.

Or how Jason and Damian were complete and utter hotheads but still likeable in their own odd little ways.

But one that kinda rubbed him the wrong way was that you thought that Dick was a ten out of ten in almost everything. (Especially looks.)

He just shrugged it off.

What he did like the most though was that he didn’t need to hide anything from you.

It was all out in the air and it was a freedom that was kind of new for him.

Then the holiday rush really started to hit.

You were originally just going to spend a couple days with your family till after New Years.

Now you weren’t sure what you were going to do.

Eventually you got the idea to invite Tim to go with you to your parents house.

There was only one thing stopping you though.

Would he even want to?

Oh man you didn’t know where you’d put yourself if he said no.

Well, you did finally get the balls to ask him to go with you.

And you thanked whatever god was out there that he accepted.

Quite happily in fact.

So happily that he was smiling from the second you asked him to the moment he got into your car to travel to your parents.

That’s when he got a little jittery.

He wasn’t sure on how your family was going to react to him.

Like did they know about his life in Gotham?

Either way, you tried to help him out in that aspect and told him that he didn’t really have much to worry about, since in your family you were kind of the only one who was into the DC Universe.

But you guys did come up with answers to questions they might ask him.

For example;

”Where are you from Tim?” and his answer would be “I’m from New York.” (Since New York’s nickname was also Gotham and the cities are extremely similar.)

”What does your family do?” then he’d say, “My father is a businessman.” (Extremely vague but this was the only way to make sure there wouldn’t be any brows raised that would insure more questions.)

And, “What’s your major?” now this one he’s got a couple answers for but, “Criminal Science” had to be said. (For obvious reasons.)

The car ride went by pretty smoothly and the next thing you guys know, you’re at your parents house.

Oh the nerves were hitting the both of you pretty hard, but you both hid it as you guys walked inside.

Now your parent’s knew that you guys were coming (You called them beforehand.) but they were very curious about him.

It seriously wasn’t everyday that their daughter brought home somebody for them to not only meet, BUT to also stay over.

It was entirely out of character for you.

And they of course thought that there was something going on between the two of you before even stepping foot in the house.

So to say they were curious would be an understatement.

Your whole damn family was there at your house and everyone wanted to see the boy that you brought along.

All eyes were on you when the two of you walked in, hugs were given with kisses on the cheeks and the questions were flying all over the place.

Your mom though was the first one to greet the two of you, bringing you in for a hug and then going and pulling Tim in one right after, welcoming the two of you.

Tim took it very well, and he felt his nerves starting to go away.

The rest of the evening was spent with the family getting to know him and the same with him.

Your siblings liked him, your little brother especially. (He lowkey wished that Damian was more like this, and less on trying to make his life miserable.)

Your dad though was a little standoffish, and was trying really hard not to like him, like he was answering your dad’s questions with ease. (Plus, when the two of them went for a handshake, he wasn’t expecting Tim’s grip to be that strong.)

And your mom immediately liked him, she got a good vibe from him the moment they met.

The night went by in a series of laughs and good stories, but then it was time for everyone to got to bed.

The thing is all the beds were taken, except or yours.

Now when you realized this, there was a prominent heat on your cheeks.

But of course, the honorable Tim offred to sleep on the floor.

“Yeah you’re not sleeping on the ground, it’s freezing,” you state, lifting the sheets to get in, “plus I’d feel bad.”

He couldn’t argue against that so he went to the other side of you bed and crawled in.

Seeing how stiff he was, you decide to put on cheesy holiday movies on your laptop that you brought.

Putting it between the two of you, you only make it 45 minutes into the movie till you crash out.

Thing is, you were now leaning your head on his shoulder sleeping, and he blushed when he felt you nod off.

His heart was doing somersaults when he saw you sleeping, a warm feeling filling his heart.

So he turned off your computer and fell asleep with an arm wrapped around you holding you close.

After that night, the rest of your break went by in a blur.

Then the next thing you know, you were back at your apartment and life went back to normal.

Well as normal as it could have been with Tim now in the picture.

He was a good sport throughout it all.

But he needed to go home.

You guys did try your best to find a way to get him home, but it became clear that someone from the other side needed to open a portal or something.

So waiting was the only option.

It was taking his family a while though.

Enough to the point where it gave you both a bad feeling.

But you gave at least the Batfam the benefit of the doubt, Tim on the other hand, had thoughts about them forgetting him at the forefront of his mind, even as he tried to push them away.

Life goes on though, and days became weeks, weeks became months, and the next thing you knew it was March and school was eating you alive.

Currently you were in the middle of a APA essay on the couch, with Tim sitting with you, his nose stuffed in his own laptop. (Also working on stuff, but he was listening in on police conversations, old habits die hard.)

But then your roommate walks in from her 7 o'clock class.

Tim notices her pull out her phone, but something was going on with the coms, so he wasn’t paying attention to the sly smirk appearing on her face.

You weren’t paying attention, and one minute you were working on the essay and the next you had the back of a phone shoved in your face.

“And now witness the wild geek in her natural habitat, typing her life away as the rest of her sanity boils out of her blood shot eyes,” Your roommate narrates, trying and failing at doing a nature documentary voice over.

Your eyes narrow, “Bro, what the hell are you-”

“Oh but look,” Then she motions the phone in Tim’s, “There seems to be a male Geek, also having the life being slowly sucked out of him.”

She then turns the camera to face her, “Could it be some odd mating ritual? Or something else?” She lets out a dramatic sigh, “The world may never know-”

You each glanced to each other for a brief moment, and a devious smile crawls on both of your guy’s faces as you both got the same idea at the same moment.

It was lightning fast, the camera almost didn’t get it as you jumped on each other, lips meeting in a frenzy.

Cue your roommate.exe has stopped working and is now having an aneurysm because of h o l y  s h i t.

Out of all the things that she thought that you’d do, like maybe throwing her phone across the room on to the other couch, she was not expecting that.

So that is basically how the two of you became a couple.

Funnily enough, though, it was all recorded on Snapchat.

Even funnier that your older sister was friends with her on Snapchat.

You had forgotten that until your phone was ringing and you saw her face on the screen.

Oh man, was she freaking out, she was happy though, if not a maybe a little grossed out. (Ain’t nobody want to see their sister like that.)

Tim could hear the whole conversation as he left the living room with you to your room and he was trying really hard not to laugh.

This was basically how the next few weeks went.

Only now there was the addition of you going and working out with him whenever he trains. (Which was legit almost every day, and your thighs have never started to look so good, but oh my god they were never this painful.)

But in all honesty, you guys were happy, yeah Tim was kinda sad that his family never came for him.

Yet he was grateful that you were there for him, through thick and thin, whenever his mind would go back to Gotham, whenever he’d wake up shaking and heaving from a nightmare, you were there to ground him and remind him that it would all be okay.

However, fate still wanted to make Tim’s life a living hell.

It was a normal day where you got up early to head to your 8 o'clock class, everything was just the same as you sat down, but it all started going to hell when all of a sudden your classroom was filled with a flash of bright light.

Your eyeballs felt like they were fried from how bright it was.

But you could still feel yourself falling.

And you just about felt your soul leave your body from how scared you were.

Thank god that it wasn’t a considerable height that you fell.

Well, it was long enough for you to have a bruise on one whole side of your body while you forgot to breathe for a good couple of moments.

With a groan you lift yourself on your elbows, only to yelp and duck as a piece of metal was thrown over your head.

What. In. The. Actual. Hell.

There were more being thrown in all sorts of directions, and you only realized where you were when you saw a couple dudes in colorful costumes fighting it out with a dude that kept throwing white flashes of light, almost like mini suns.

They even left blotches in your eyes as you watched.

But not only was he throwing fireballs, but he was also throwing random objects, which explained the whole iron beam thing.

They kept going, and from what you realized the Batfam kept going too.

Only until the evil discount Doctor Strange threw a light ball at his feet and then he was gone.

“Damn it!” You heard Batman yell dashing to the sport where the wizard dude was but it was already too late.

“Not this shit again!” You heard the Red Hood yell out.

They were all more agitated now, but they didn’t notice you shakily stand up.

“H-Hey!” You yell out.

They all turn their heads to you, not realizing you were there.

“Y’all need to get your head in the game if we’re going to get Tim back.”

This got their attention.

The next thing you know is that you’re getting whisked away to the Batcave.

Lots of interrogation after that.

Your nerves were fried before, but now you could feel them sizzling in your mind.

So was theirs but you were pissed but how long they waited to get to him.

“It’s been months you assholes!” You let the floodgates open now, “He lies awake at night wondering why you guys haven’t come to find him, he’s been in so much pain since fucking December-”

“Woah Woah Woah,” Jason says, holding his hands up, “It’s only been two weeks, and we’ve been fighting that asshole trying to get Tim back-”

“Dude, we’ve been waiting for like four months,” You say, a voice in a deadpan.

This scared everyone in the conversation.

It even scared you.

Time went faster where you were, and nobody knows how much time has passed.

Now you were feeling horrible about leaving Tim alone.

They all got somber after that.

Conversation died off soon after, but they weren’t on your ass anymore.

Eventually, they all were ready to crash, so they all went upstairs.

Which left you and Alfred, so he offered to take you to a room to let you rest.

And so you followed, anxiety making you not really up for conversation as he led you up and into the manor.

He led you to a room, and it only took you a few seconds to realized that it was Tim’s room.

It was as tidy, with a faint smell of coffee in the air and his laptop still open on his desk.

Alfred had a feeling that you and Tim were closer than what everyone else thought, he only took you there to see if he was right or not.

From the look of your face, he knew that he was right.

“I thought that you would be more comfortable here, it seems as if you and Master Drake were inseparable,”

You smile a little and nod, “We were,”

“Then I can reassure you that we will find him and bring him home,” He smiles for a moment, shutting the door quietly behind him as he leaves.

You didn’t sleep well that night, nor the next night after that or the next.

But you didn’t have to wait long before the wizard showed up again.

They wouldn’t let you go anywhere near the action, but you stayed with Oracle in the cave, so you were able to watch the scene unfold.

At first, it seemed as if they were outmatched, but they were slowly gaining ground, and the Discount Doctor Strange saw this, but before he could set off another portal, Nightwing found an opening to his head and knocked him out with one of his escrima sticks.

It was soon after that the man was taken into custody and soon after that was he getting interrogated by Batman.

But days later, he wasn’t budging.

They were getting desperate, and you were their last option on getting information out of him.

When you walked in and saw his eyebrows raise in surprise everyone knew that they hit something there.

“Surprising that you are here, darling,” You feel your gaze narrow.

“Who are you, and why did you send him away,” You say, voice like steel.

“The question is who are you, and why are you here while he’s there?” His voice was condescending.

“You’re the reason why I’m here, and the dozens of people you’ve displaced from their homes.” (A couple of your classmates were also transported to Gotham, just scattered around the city and were showing up at the GCPD ever since looking for help.)

“Oh but you don’t realize that you have this power as well, I could sense it,” he says, and evil smile revealing his grotesque teeth. “It’s small, but it is there,”

“I don’t have-” He cuts you off.

“Ahh, but you do.” The interrogation did not go much further.

But this did end up with you in the Batcave, trying to see if he was correct.

And for the moment, you were pretty sure the asshole was messing with you.

Much to your embarrassment, as Dick and Damian were also in there with you.

Dick was supportive, but Damian was more annoyed than anything else.

“Why can’t you just suck it up and-” Damian was in the middle of one of his many criticisms, but that was the last straw from you.

“I’m freaking trying goddamnit!” You yell out, throwing your arms out behind you, too much at the moment to actually notice the light surrounding them.

It took a couple of heaving moments to notice the look of shock on Dick’s face and the smugness on Damian’s.

“What?” You ask.

“Um (Y/n), look at your hands,” Dick says pointing.

You do and let out a yelp that was half excitement and half fear.

It then took you a couple minutes to turn it off, and a couple more as you figured out how to turn it back on.

You did this a couple more times, getting the hang of it and making sure that you could control them.

Then it was really time to put it to the test, after bringing the rest of the Batfam down, you open a portal that was big enough to get you though.

You let out a nervous laugh, “Wish me luck, guys.”

“We don’t need to, we already know Tim’s in good hands,” Dick says smiling.

“Bring him home, (Y/N),” Bruce says, hope in his gaze (An emotion rarely is ever seen on his face.)

And so you walk through, light blinding your vision as you step though.

For a couple moments, you blinked away the dark blotches left by the blinding light.

You let out a cry of joy when you realize that you were back in your apartment kitchen.

Dashing out of the room, and onto the hallway, you bump straight into a familiar chest, both your eyes widening at the sight of each other.

“Tim!” You exclaim out of breath, itching to hold him close.

At first, he couldn’t say anything, bringing his hands to your face as if he was making sure that you were real and were right there, whole in front of him. “(Y/N)?”

In less than a second, you guys were on each other, your arms wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist, neither one of you wanting to let go.

“Oh my god, (Y/N), where did you go, it’s been over a week, everyone has been worried sick,” He chokes up a bit against your neck.

“Heh, it’s a long story, but I’m pretty sure you want to hear it.”

You tell him everything that happened in the passed few days for you, and while he listened, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders.

His family didn’t forget him.

After you finished with your story, Tim filled you in on what was happening while you were gone.

Your family came when they found out what happened in your class, while he and your roommate were doing all they could to figure out how to find you.

You called them after Tim told you, and then you had everyone make it your apartment in almost no time.

You were pretty sure that you were never hugged and questioned more ever in your life.

Everyone stayed late, but eventually, they went to their hotel room for the night.

Then after a long hug from your roommate, she too retired to her room, and finally, both you and Tim were alone.

That was the first night that you too actually slept decently for a while. (After some you know what.)

But then the conversation came up about what the two of you were gonna do.

Tim had to get home, but you had a decision to make on whether you would stay or go with him.

After a lot of talking, you decided that you were going to go with him, but you would take frequent trips too and from so that you can stay in contact with your friends and family.

The next day you let everyone know what the plan was, at first they were hesitant ut they knew you’d be happier with him.

And the next day, you made a portal that took you and Tim back to the Batcave.

Turns out it a day had passed since you’ve gone back so maybe you could control what time you could get to a place, you thought but were interrupted when you and Tim were legit tackled by everyone, including Damian.

Tears were shed, feelings were spared, and a whole lot of love was pouring into the room.

Once everyone had gotten their selves partially together, you reached out for Tim’s hand, your finger’s threading together.

“Welcome home, Hon.” You say, smiling brightly.

Tim’s smile matches yours with a little amusement sneaking through, “Welcome to the DC Universe, Babe.”

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #5

Welcome back again folks! This week in our fifth interview @vermofftiss chats to @mizjoely about her love of lists, her fantasy season five finale, and reveals the truth about who really writes her stories...

Hi, @mizjoely here, chatting with @vermofftiss about my sherlolly writing and fandom experiences, and answering some questions submitted by a few other folks. I’ve been involved in fandom in one way or another since the early 1980s, which is also when I started writing fanfiction - for classic Doctor Who and Star Trek in its various incarnations.

@vermofftiss here, putting forward the aforementioned questions. I’ll also be trying to weasel some advice out of @mizjoely that I can use for my own writing, which has been a casual ongoing thing since I published my first sherlolly fic in 2014.

Vermofftiss: I think our first encounter was in the Sherlollychat in the fall of 2014, around the time I got onto AO3. Which means series 3 was five years ago. How does it feel knowing that series 4 was already two years ago? What’s changed in the time since it aired?

Mizjoely: Oh, I miss the sherlollychat, or at least I did until Channy came up with the discord version! It’s hard to fathom that so much time has passed since I joined the fandom! (I became active on tumblr in November 2013 after discovering Sherlolly earlier that same year, btw.) Series 3 was five years ago. Series 4 was two years ago. Crazy!

As for what’s changed since then, I’d have to say one positive thing is that the fandom wank has calmed way the hell down since S4…. Another change that I’ve seen is probably common to all fandoms over time - new writers and content creators have joined the fandom while (sadly) many others have moved on to other fandoms. Of course, that’s to be expected when your show is essentially over, but it’s still kind of sad to lose folks completely to other fandoms.

V: Which series was your favourite to play with as a writer? When did you really get into writing Sherlolly?

M: I would have to say Series 4 has definitely been a great series to write for - so much angst! The I love you! Mary Watson’s very sad death, Rosie Watson becoming a character, Mrs. Hudson showing us what a badass she is, and of course Eurus Holmes entering the picture. We might not have gotten as much Molly Hooper as we wanted, but the scenes we did get with her were tremendous and gave so much inspiration to me and many other writers.

I really got into Sherlolly as a ship after seeing TRF, as I’m sure is true with many folks - especially the “what do you need” scene. And it was so much fun to dive into the possibilities of life after Sherlock’s ‘death’ between Series 2 and 3, I consider that a real golden age of Sherlolly writing. My first published Sherlock/Sherlolly fic was “Conversations With A Dead Detective”, set Post Reichenbach, which according to fanfiction.net I published on 04/11/13 (so I’m nearly at my five year Sherlolly- versary, woo hoo!).

A quick look at my spreadsheet (don’t judge me, I love my lists) shows that I wrote or at least started 37 fics that year (one of which I’m still working on, yikes! - The World As We Know It, a vamp!lock fic). I’m currently sitting at almost 500 fics for Sherlolly, which still amazes me, that I could be that inspired by a pair of fictional characters! (For comparison, my second most prolific fandom is Doctor Who, for whom I wrote a total of 25 stories over a period of 20 years. And of those 25, only about a dozen were for my main ship, Five/Tegan).

V: A couple of questions from @ohaine - 

1) Based on the sheer volume of your work, I have this theory that you’re actually some sort of artistic collective rather than just one person, please tell me I’m right!

M: You have discovered my secret: I'm actually four raccoons in a trenchcoat! Seriously though, until I was bitten by the Sherlolly bug, my output was much, much lower, even though I've been writing fanfics since the early 1980s. For example, I love the Zutara ship for Avatar: Last Airbender, but I only wrote three fics for that. I wrote about 25 fics for Doctor Who, and about the same amount for the various Star Treks (not including Khanolly). Nothing set my writing muse afire like Sherlolly, and I doubt anything ever will again.

and, 2) You write a lot of AUs, and I’m wondering what inspires them?

M: Considering that I started off as a strictly Canon Universe/Canon Compliant writer in all of my other fandoms, it still seems funny to me how much I enjoy writing and reading AUs now. I started reading them after finally running out of canon compliant fics to read and discovering how much fun it was to transplant the characters into a different universe. And that, of course, made me think about what sort of AUs I could fit Molly and Sherlock into.

In fact, the very first BBC Sherlock story I started to write (never finished or posted) was an AU because I was nervous about trying to write Sherlock and figured no one would complain too much about him being OOC if it was a fantasy setting. (I ended up taking the plunge on a canon universe post Reichenbach fic and posted that and a lot of other canon universe fics before returning to AUs.)

Wait, that doesn't answer the question! What inspires them? The same things that inspire all my writing: wanting to read a specific kind of fic and not being able to find it; fics that other authors have written that make me itch to put my own spin on the idea; dreams; books I've read or movies or TV shows I've watched...inspiration is everywhere when you really, really, really love a ship. (Gawd that's cheesy but it's true - no love, no writing fanfic, period end of paragraph.)

V: This past spring I finally got the nerve to start working on my first proper AU (not CC, CU, or UA) after sitting on the idea for about 3 years. Have you ever had to wait to be “ready” to start working on a concept? How much do you need to know about a project to get going on it?

M: I have absolutely had to wait to be ready to start working on a concept. My very first attempt at a Sherlolly fic (never finished or published) was going to be an AU because I was so intimidated by the idea of writing Sherlock Holmes in the canon universe set up by Moffat & Gatiss. I was terrified I wouldn’t get his voice right, that he would be too OOC for folks, that I wouldn’t be able to make him clever enough or that I’d mess things up a dozen different ways. So I started writing the AU instead, and in doing so (over a course of several months), I finally realized that no, I wanted to start off in the canon universe. Just trying to write him at all, in any setting, made me a little less intimidated by him. But I might never have written anything if I hadn’t started that abandoned AU. (And I look forward to seeing your AU when you’re ready to post it!)

V: Does reader feedback ever impact the plots of your stories or the building of your AUs?

M: It absolutely can, especially when someone leaves a comment that makes me think about my story in a different light. I won’t go so far as to say comments have caused me to redo anything on a larger scale (such as change the ending) but certainly I’ve thrown things into the fic or expanded on ideas expressed in a comment to make the story that much richer.

That’s one of the best things about being active in fandom - the interactions between readers and writers. Of course, the reverse can also be true - I remember needing a LOT of fan-friend coddling when some folks were unhappy with the ending of my story ‘Abandoned’ (i.e., my Molly let my Sherlock get off too easily). But you have to have thick skin to be a creator, and remember that not everyone likes the same things. And you also have to be able to say yes, I could have done this better, or if I had to do it over I’d do it differently. It’s all part of the creative process.

V: Are there any scenes or aspects that were cut from a story that you regretted leaving out at the end?

M: Not really. Most things that I cut have been vetted by my betas (shout-out to ALL betas for being willing to help you make your story better!) and jettisoning those things has always made my stories better. (Plus I keep a folder of scraps that got cut and periodically review those scraps to see if I might be able to salvage them.)

V: On top of being one of the better-known Sherlolly writers in the tag, you’re also the single person behind the Sherlollbrary. As much as I love to organize my life and everything else I can get my hands on, that’s not something I think I’d ever actually want to do. So what made you decide to start cataloguing Sherlolly fics?

M: My love of lists. Seriously, that’s it. I love making lists of things - like, how many stories did I write in 2013 for Sherlolly (37, as you now know!), how many one-shots have I written vs. multi-chapters, how many were prompts...and then I started seeing people doing lists of various tropes. The one that made me decided to start my Sherlollilists side blog was one put together for Sherlolly omegaverse stories. As more and more lists were created, edited, and added (I’m currently at 140 official lists, with more than a dozen unofficial lists), I decided it would nice to organize them all (not realizing quite what I was getting into!) as one spreadsheet, with other tropes and tags and keywords for folks to help narrow down their searches. It always give me a little thrill when I open the library and see folks are browsing, so I like to think it’s a useful tool (although I am looking forward to finishing it someday!)

@writingwife-83 asked: You work tirelessly to organize all the multitude of writing this ship produces, but how do you feel that affects you as a writer? Does it make you less interested in writing your own fics? Or does it tend to help get the wheels turning and inspire you?

M: I have to admit, sometimes curating the lists can completely put me off writing, simply due to feeling oversaturated. This is especially true when I am reading or skimming over fics that are, shall we say, not the best of the bunch. Or the times when I'm just pushing myself even if I'm not really enthusiastic about doing it. Those times, I've learned to just step back, which is why sometimes the lists don't get updated very quickly.

On the other hand, rereading a favorite or a forgotten gem can really get my creative juices flowing. At times like that, I fall back in love with the ship and the fandom all over again.

V: When you’re stuck with writer’s block or just a lack of motivation, does it help you more to reread an old fave or to go back through some of your own works? Have you noticed your style has changed much?

M: It does help, absolutely. It reminds me why I love this ship so much, and helps me reconnect with others in the fandom. People think of reading as passive and writing as solitary, but to me it’s an interactive process. Reading great fics, new can old, helps feed your creativity. And nowadays the internet helps so much as well - there are awesome resources and fandom spaces to talk to other folks about their works and your own, reminding you that you’re not creating in a vacuum. (And I REALLY love the cheerleading section of the Sherlolly Discord site. That can help unstick my creativity like nobody’s business!)

As for my style changing - yeah, it definitely has. I feel like my writing has become more streamlined and less clunky since I first started. I still do a lot of semicolon abuse but at this point I’ve decided that’s just my style and will likely never change.

Thanks for the excellent questions and for letting me ramble on!

V: I’m sure we can do a lot more rambling if left on the trail. How about one last one: In the currently hypothetical series 5, how would you continue the story from where it left off?

M: Oooh, good one! If I was in charge we would see that Sherlock and Molly are continuing their relationship, culminating with a wedding at the end of the third episode. But since I’m not in charge, I’m thinking that Mofftiss would give us some subtle hints, like John casually mentioning to Sherlock that he and Rosie can’t join ‘them’ for dinner that night for whatever reason. And maybe some small changes to 221B to show hints that someone else spends time there other than Sherlock and the Watsons - a cherry patterned pillow, perhaps? A Bart’s ID card with a woman’s picture to show that no, it isn’t one Sherlock nicked to get access to a place he otherwise couldn’t get to? A woman’s coat hanging next to Sherlock’s? Something like that. And some private smiles between Sherlock and Molly, little things like that. Enough to give us hope but not enough to give us proof! They do like to tease that way!

Non-shipwise, I think Eurus would make a return because come on, how do you leave a character like that catatonic? I also think they would return to ACD canon to revise a few more cases for the modern age, and maybe (maybe!) have John start dating again (especially if they’re so married to canon that they killed Mary off - since John seems to have been married at least twice, they would probably explore that option).

I know, that last part is a bit vague but honestly? I hope they surprise the hell out of us in a good way if we ever get that fifth series!

Next Week, Friday March 22nd, @ashockinglackofsatin talks to @sunken-standard

[hydrospanners]

a writing year in review: 2k18 edition

So I’m taking a minute to look back at all the writing I did this year and it has been a pretty spotty year for fanfic for me. Lots of long, blank spaces between weird surges of productivity. But! I did a lot of work on my original projects and also the boring adult responsibilities in my life (I changed jobs three times!!! I changed my name!!! I started going to therapy!!!!) and I pushed out some fic I really liked this year in spite of all that so, all things considered, I’m calling this one a win.

Without further ado, here is the breakdown of all the fic I’ve written this year plus a sad breakdown all of the geriatric WIPs looking at me with their big sad eyes, crossing their fingers for 2019. Hiding most of it under a cut because the rankings and WIP snippets got long.

2k18's Publication Stats for Fun & Profit:

This year I published 16 fanfics, all but one for SWTOR. 10 were brand new, started and finished in 2018, and 6 were old WIPS that have been marinating for Force only knows how long. That number is down from the 29 fics I published in 2017, but close to the 14 I published in 2016. 2015 was only 3 fics and 2014 was only 2. I have a total of 64 works published on AO3.

This year I published 34559 words for an average of about 2160 words per fic. This is extremely above my overall average of about 930 words per fic with a combined total of 59569 words published since I started posting fic publicly back in 2014.

So the number of fics may be lower this year but the number of words total and the average words in the fics I did publish went up! Please enjoy a review of the shit people liked most according to AO3 and then the stuff I personally liked most because I'm allowed to like my own writing, sue me.

2k18's Most Read Fics:

1. spoonful of sugar: Everyone gets sick sometimes; even big damn heroes. These are vignettes about the Jedi Knight's crew getting sick, getting treated, and getting better. (SWTOR)

I started writing this one when I got really sick during the summer of 2017 and I finally finished it this year! There's another part that I cut because it got way out of control that I'd like to one day add back in as a second chapter but I am okay with calling this one complete and maybe never doing that. This one is a nice combo of funny and a little bit sweet that I think is refreshing, like a cold, fruity drink on a hot summer's day. Here is my very favorite line from this whole fic because it is so delightfully dumb:

“Scourge,” Rhese tries and fails to sound as though he has some degree of command over his own voice right now. “Get off my dick.”

2. filling the table: They have a saying back on Corellia that the only way you can ever really know a man is by taking his credits. They also have a saying that you should never play cards with a Corellian because Corellians always cheat, but she's betting Doc never heard that one. (SWTOR)

I think I started this one all the way back in like 2014 or 2015. I can't remember now but it was a long time ago and this piece of shit has morphed a million times since then. I must have rewritten the ending about a million times.

I really wanted to capture the desperation of the Balmorran Resistance while I was doing the character work with this, the sense of limited resources and hard living, and I am pretty happy with the result. I'm also pretty happy with the characterization work here, the little snippets they are both revealing to each other and the bigger snippets they aren't. I'm still not entirely happy with the white spaces in this one. I feel like I was a little too sparse and there are lots of places that don't flow if you don't already know what isn't being said, but I am more or less happy with this one! Here is my favorite bit because of the doublespeak foreshadowing their future relationship that was definitely on purpose:

Four hands later, she’s fifty credits richer and Doc is rooting around in his pocket for something to scribble another IOU on. She knows he’ll never make good on it, but Rea’s happy to accept his empty promises if it keeps him playing the game. She’s overdue for a bit of fun.

3. take back what the kingdom stole:  Alliance Commander Nirea Velaran has always had a talent for burning bridges. When Theron comes to her after Nathema to pay for his sins, she finds herself wondering whether some bridges can't be repaired. (SWTOR)

Hey look! Something I started and finished in the same calendar year!! This one grew out of a very stupid joke that I ended up not even making until the end of the fic. At first I wanted to draw that bit, but I got frustrated with my lacking artistic talent so I wrote it instead and it turned into one of my fave things I've written. It has nice scenery and character growth and intimate friendships that have a real impact on their emotional lives! Hurt feelings aren't just for romance fam!! Anyway here's my favorite bit because it's one of the most Rea moments I've ever written:

He shoved her off his shoulder none-too-gently, scowling as he looked skyward, as if searching for another fleet of hostile ships to arrive and grant him the sweet release of death. When none came, he settled for another hearty gulp of whiskey. He had to be halfway to knackered by now. “You’re insufferable,” he grumbled.

“I know.” She smiled a smile that felt damn near genuine and collapsed back against the grass, swinging her legs out over the crevasse.

“I don’t even feel bad about all this anymore.” Theron complained. “You deserve it.”

Rea only laughed. A real laugh, all the way up from her belly, and it felt so fucking good.

Theron looked at her from the corners of his bloodshot eyes, suspicious and too clever by half. “Fuck,” he swore, shaking his head. “You just mindfucked me, didn’t you?”

2k18 Author’s Choice:

1. when the wicked play. After witnessing his first real lightsaber duel, Doc reflects on the contradictions of what the Jedi are supposed to be and the realities of fighting a war. (SWTOR)

This might be one of my very favorite things I've written ever. In case it wasn't clear by now, I am pretty preoccupied with making myself feel the weight of the violence and uncertainty and war that plagues you in this game. It all feels so clean and sanitary in the game because it's a game, but it's something I always want to explore and make visceral in the stories I tell about the game. I am also obsessed with Jedi and the mythos and conflicting ideas that must surround them inside the story's universe. This was a fun way to marry the two and do a bit of character work at the same time. I'm also pretty proud of this one structurally, with how contained and bookended it is. [high fives self] Anyway here's my favorite part because it's some of the only action I've written that feels like it captures the brutal urgency of how I imagine actual lightsaber combat and also says a little bit about my girl Rea via the way she fights:

Rea is little more than a blur of blue light as she collides with the Sith across the field, her sabers swinging too fast for Doc’s eyes to track. She’s hammering her enemy from every side, pushing him back and back and back. Her assault is savage and relentless and there is nothing like grace or elegance in any of it. It isn’t beautiful; it’s violence. Ugly, brutal violence.

The whole thing is over in less than a minute.

Blue meets red meets blue meets blue meets blue meets red and then the Sith’s head is hitting the floor with a muffled thump. It happens so abruptly Doc doesn’t even realize it’s ended until the rest of the body collapses a heartbeat later.

2. shadows settle on the place that you left. In the wake of her father’s death, Nyria Ryder tries to reconcile the man she knew with the shadow he left hanging over her. (Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Look! Something that isn't SWTOR! (The only thing I wrote this year that wasn't for SWTOR.) I have a whole bunch of feelings about Alec Ryder and had a really good time porting Rea over to this game and seeing the ways his presence in her life altered who she is and the ways that it didn't. Also I have a lot of feelings about SAM. This is probably peak self-indulgence but I still feel like this is some efficient sketching of Nyria's character and Alec's and their particular relationship and I'm pretty proud of it. Also I'm always a slut for complicated familial relationships. Here is my favorite bit because it's such a nice illustration of who Ria is and an important turning point for her character:

She decided to be kinder to SAM than the universe had been to her. He was her brother, just as much as Rhys, and she was all he had. She would have to make sure herself was enough.

“He believed in us both,” she told him what he needed to hear, even though it wasn’t true. Then she made a promise she could not keep, because she knew he needed that too: “You and me are going to figure this thing out. Just you watch. We’re gonna make Alec proud.”

3. take back what the kingdom stole:  Alliance Commander Nirea Velaran has always had a talent for burning bridges. When Theron comes to her after Nathema to pay for his sins, she finds herself wondering whether some bridges can't be repaired. (SWTOR)

All the same stuff I said above applies here still. Glad we can all agree this one was nice.

State of the WIPs

Just for fun I did a dive into my WIP folder to see what I'm setting myself up for in 2019! Only it wasn't very fun at all because there is so much really old stuff in here!!!!!! Good luck to future me because past me really left you with the bag girl! Good luck carrying the weight of hopes and dreams and stories unfulfilled!!

I have a total of 48 fics in progress right now. The fandom breakdown is as follows, ranked from the most to the least: Star Wars: The Old Republic (35), Dragon Age (8), Mass Effect: Andromeda (4), Fallout 4 (1). And because I'm a masochist, I looked at the dates on all this shit too. Here's the breakdown of what year all of these things were started:

2014: 4 fics

2015: 9 fics

2016: 15 fics

2017: 11 fics

2018: 9 fics

That sound you hear is me sobbing in the distance. 2014!!! What the fuck!!!!! I am gonna finish those four fics this year if it kills me. We aren't living like this anymore. Please enjoy some samples from the WIP folder with absolutely no context:

“You carry sleeping pills in your pocket?”

“For my wife. Maybe you’ve met her? About this high--” Doc raised his hand half a foot over his own head “--brown hair, blue eyes, great ass.”

Ignoring the commentary on his sister’s figure and the extreme overestimation of her height, Rhese nodded. “I may have seen her around.”

“Well if you see her again, you tell her to come home. Her family’s worried.”

Do you hear that Rea? Your family is worried. Rhese wondered if she could feel their concern, their anguish. Was she searching for them as they searched for her? She’d always been good at hiding, but she’d never vanished completely before. A hole in the Force where her warm, fervent energy should have been.

He felt cold. Really alone for the first time in his life. Careful what you wish for, Liss had always said. You might just get it.

Ossus is important.

Rea feels it when she falls out of hyperspace, that shift, that tug of something just behind her navel. The familiar weight of destiny, settling like a stone in the pit of her stomach. It leaves her breathless, white-knuckled and gripping the shuttle’s controls, her skin prickling under the cold caress of dread.

She wasn’t expecting this story to have a happy ending—a colony of Jedi on the eve of war? she’s danced that dance enough times to know the steps by now—but she wasn’t expecting anything so bad as the draw of destiny.

Fate has never been anything but cruel to her. Feeling it here, now? This is going to be worse than she imagined.

This is how you deal with failure.

You just do.

You get up in the morning and brush your teeth. You train until your legs wobble beneath you. You choke down your nutripaste and ask Simms about his niece. You congratulate Tarinik on her promotion. You laugh too loud at Vortena’s shit jokes. And when Beniko’s eyes follow a little too close, you blow her a kiss like it doesn’t matter at all.

You keep moving forward because standing still will kill you. Because life is a race and if you slow down for even a second, death will catch up.

Nirea Velaran is not ready to die.

She is not maleficarum, but she is changed. Something is awake inside her now, and the whispers are louder each time she touches the Fade. Sweet, coaxing whispers full of promises. Some of them sound like her mother.

Take care of your brother, Niria. You’re all he’s got.

In the morning, Qarric wakes with a pounding head and an empty sleeve. He never asks, but he watches her more sharply, reprimands her more often, demands more of her in training.

When she is fourteen, blade tucked into the top of her worn boot, he gives her a warning. “You aren’t as strong as you think,” he says. “No one is.”

“Is it much farther?” Ria jabbed the bladed end of her stave--a fancy enchanted thing Vivienne had insisted on--into the sodden ground and squinted through the trees, praying for a glimpse of the promised coast. The air smelled of salt and death and the sea, but she hadn’t seen a single crashing wave yet.

“A few more miles yet,” Blackwall answered irritably. Ria had elected to blame the weather for his foul mood. “Same as it was five minutes ago, Your Worship.”

“And five minutes before that,” Varric added.

“Conditions are much safer inside the ship, Nyria.”

“Didn’t come all the way out here to be safe, SAM.” Another rock plinked hollowly against the wall of the prefab. “We came to see new planets and shit. That’s what I’m doing.”

“There is not much to see at night.”

“Not much to see during the day either. Sure as hell nothing worth dying for.” She huffed a bitter not-quite-laugh.

She spoke before he could even open his mouth to ask the question. “You’re overthinking it, little brother.”

“We’re twins,” he said, mostly out of habit. “And I’m taller.”

“Your hair is taller.”

“This is serious, Nyria.”

“So is your hair.” She reached out almost absent-mindedly to ruffle it, eyes still fixed on her omni-tool, but he dodged out of the way.

[hrrytomlinson]

here are a bunch of AMAZING fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of july. I recommend that you read these great fics in august, if you haven’t already!! also check out the HL Summer Fic Exchange - my fic will be posted soon (hopefully)!

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)

1. Just a Walk in the Park 124k **

It's 2015, the first time dinosaurs walked the earth in over 65 million years. The multi-billion dollar company, Twist Corporations, is planning a summer opening for their world changing attraction, "Jurassic Park".

They take an interest in the history making duo of Dr. Louis Tomlinson, a stubborn paleontologist, and his partner, paleobotanist Dr. Liam Payne, giving them the chance of a lifetime to work for the new theme park. Louis is apprehensive, but Liam has a "gut feeling" that it will change their lives. He isn't wrong.

Featuring Niall as the top engineer to get the park up and running, Zayn as the raptor expert, and Harry as the grandson of one of the most influential men in the world.

2. Let’s Embrace the Point of No Return 33k

Louis was a whole new scale of beautiful, he was richer than Harry could've ever imagined, and he was the most powerful, dominant alpha that Harry had ever come in contact with. The only problem now is that Louis is also Harry's boss.

Louis believed Harry was an alpha, and had no idea about how he had lied about his status just to get an interview with Louis. He was in too deep now and he couldn't look back.

Or, Harry is an omega intern at an all alpha company. Louis is his boss. There's some complications.

3. How Could I Ever Forget 14k

After his boyfriend leaves him for a job in New York, Harry vows to move on with his life. A year later when their best friends announce their engagement, Harry knows he'll be forced to see Louis again and face the truth he's been trying his best to hide--even from himself.

Or a Vegas AU where Ziam's bachelor party turns into drunken karaoke, winning thousands at slots, washing your clothes at the laundromat in your underwear, and making life altering decisions that you can't remember in the morning.

4. Boys Fall Like Dominoes 6k *

Harry slips into an early heat while riding the tube. Naturally, that's when he meets Louis.

5. Looking in the Dark 7k

This carries on from the same a/b/o verse of Boys Fall Like Dominoes.

6. Swallow My Words 32k

Senior year is stressful. On top of balancing school work, family, and friends, Harry's lacrosse team is vying to win the state championship, he's not sure where he's going to college yet, and he has a secret boyfriend that no one can know about.

7. Just a Flower Boy 70k

Harry Styles is a clumsy, flower crown-wearing, openly gay junior with only two true friends, Niall and Zayn. Louis Tomlinson is the school's attractive, straight football captain, with a small body and a big personality. As fate will have it, Harry has a huge, unrequited, utterly hopeless crush on Louis.

Fate is thrown out the window the day that Harry and Louis find themselves partnered up for a history project. Harry starts to receive notes from a secret admirer, Louis starts to get jealous of Harry's budding friendship with senior Nick Grimshaw, Zayn and Liam develop a thing for each other, and Niall is the best mate anyone could have asked for. And suddenly, Harry's crush on Louis doesn't seem so utterly hopeless anymore.

8. Only Reason 5k **

“We are so lucky to have with us one of the leading experts on beekeeping in the modern age, Dr. Louis Draper.”

No. No, no, no…

“I know I speak for many of us when I say that this man’s books have guided our practice, or helped us get started,” Harry continued, and Louis watched as the crowd nodded their heads in agreement.

Oh shit. No. What? No.

But then Harry was gesturing towards him, saying “Dr. Draper?” into the microphone, the crowd was applauding, and Louis found himself walking up the stairs to the stage.

Or, Louis is most definitely smitten with Harry from the second he sees him, but he is also most definitely not the world's foremost expert on beekeeping. He decides to roll with it anyway.

9. L'Été en Azur 26k *

In which Hogwarts students Louis, Liam and Niall go on a summer exchange to Beauxbatons.

10. I’ll Be Yours to Keep 17k

Louis should've thought a lot more about who he said his fake boyfriend is, especially since he and his "significant other" kinda hate each other. Most of the time.

11. I Am the Blinking Light 19k **

There is a legend of a lighthouse far out to sea. It can’t be found on any map, and those who do find it never return. They say a ghost haunts the lighthouse, and you can hear it calling out in loneliness on the ocean waves.

12. Packed Lunches, Sticky Fingers and Accidental Levitation 10k

Harry Styles is a skilled work-from-home potionist five years out of university with a steady job, a house, and... eight kids.

He also might be heading towards a breakdown if he doesn't get a bit of help.

Enter a meddling pixie and an old university friend he might or might not have had a lot of feelings for.

13. Moments of Memories 17k **

And that’s when his heart stops.

It stops only to a second later flutter like the wings of a hummingbird against his ribcage. The noise of the crowd melts into an intangible buzzing in his ears. He stares at the picture and he knows he should question the reason for why his body has suddenly gone haywire, but he doesn’t.

Because he knows those eyes, would recognize them anywhere, and now they are staring back at him from a picture on a wall.

Reunited AU. Harry Styles met Louis Tomlinson at the age of 6. At the age of 23 he lost him.

What happens when he meets him again 36 years later?

14. Grenadine Sunshine 18k

Harry’s only sixteen, it shows right now, and Louis wants…he wants so many things. He wants to taste the faint, sugary ghost of lip gloss, he wants to cup Harry’s face between his palms and swipe the shimmery wet shadows from beneath his eyes. He wants to show him everything he knows, even though he doesn’t know anything about this, about kissing boys or flirting with them or doing their makeup or even showing them it’s okay to want to wear makeup in the first place. Still, Louis just wants, wants and wants and wants. It’s what Harry does to him.

15. Between Chaos and Control 19k

Companion piece to 'The Wonderlands' written from Louis' POV.

16. Sweet Creature 78k *

“You're having a nightmare and I feel bad because you're trembling and crying so I crawl into bed with you and hold you so you feel safe, but in the morning you wake up with my arms around you and you're really confused and embarrassed.”

17. Stood Up 8k

Harry Styles is a popstar, the media’s newest sweetheart. Louis Tomlinson is a fresh out of rehab rock star. They hadn’t intended to spend the evening together.

The media would have a field day when they found out.

18. Heart on an Open Highway 5k

AU. Harry's a popstar about to release his second album, and Louis is the Radio 1 intern who gets his heart racing.

19. That How I Know 17k

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

20. Like an Endless Summer 87k **

“You just wanna go fawn over Styles as soon as possible,” Zayn grumbles.

“I do not. Plus, he probably got ugly this year. Eighteen is an awkward time...I bet he’s got acne and one of those terrible fuckboy haircuts all the hipsters are getting these days, with the shaved sides? Just watch, the first year we’re gonna get any time together is gonna be the first year I don’t have a stupid crush on him.”

Or, Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’s formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

21. It Doesn’t Feel Like a Win 20k

Louis just got back from tour, and doesn’t want to deal with people. Especially not noisy show hosts, who make him snap and come out on an impulse. It doesn’t help that his manager is an asshole, and he seems to bump into the certain show host everywhere. He just wants to drink a hot tea already.

or, Louis is a closeted ace celebrity, Harry is a TV show host, Liam is too sensible and Niall drinks too much.

22. The Boys of Summer 4k

Harry is in love with Louis and would have given anything to be his partner for the end of term literature assignment. Louis is the only kid in the class who can get away with anything, and all he wants is the attention of the pretty boy with the curls across the room. Featuring lots of banter, pining, flirting, and Fionn as an unwilling Cupid.

23. Hush. 41k **

“I don't like you like that, Harry.”

“See,” Harry starts, Louis can hear the smile in his voice, “that's where I think you're lying.”

Or, an AU where small towns suck, Louis is losing it, and Harry’s just too perfect.

24. The Melody You Never Heard 30k *

It's one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall's his best mate. Liam's been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can't disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.

Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he's never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn't brought up in three years because it's stupid and embarrassing and confusing.

Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

25. We'll Play Hide and Seek to Turn This Around (Give Me Love like Never Before) 19k

“So here's the thing,” he starts. “I didn't mean what I said a few weeks ago to like, hurt your feelings or anything. If you like painting your nails, then you should do that, and not like, care if anyone else doesn't like it because their opinions shouldn't matter, you know?” Louis takes a breath, finally glancing over to see the boy wide-eyed and pink-cheeked. On a whim, he adds, “And like, I noticed you scraping it off and you haven't been wearing any and I think you should because that's what you like.”

Or an AU where Harry paints his nails and drinks strawberry milk and is too nervous for it to be nothing and Louis' just trying to figure out what's wrong with him.

26. Reminiscence 22k

"Harry I've done so much wrong."

Harry's quiet for a moment. "I don't think it matters how much you've done wrong because maybe you're different. Maybe you'll fix it with doing things right.

The smoldering look Louis gives him says a number of things. "You'll just be the one thing I do right then."

27. Homegrown 51k **

“It wasn’t an easy decision, if I’m honest,” Harry admits, shoulders sagging in on himself. “Moving is really difficult. My whole life was in Manchester. But Manchester didn’t want me. Leeds did.”

“Well, Leeds is happy to have you,” Louis says, giving Harry a kind smile.

Harry brightens a bit at that, undeniably pleased. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis replies, expression soft and lips curved.

Or, a gardening AU where Harry is new to town and the newest volunteer at the local gardening club, Louis is the attractive grandson of one of the members, and the nosy volunteers hatch a plan to get them together.

28. Take Me Back to Where We Started 27k **

Harry and Louis haven't spoken since they broke up four years ago. As boarding school sweethearts they once spent every waking moment together, but now they can hardly stand to be in the same room. When their five year class reunion comes around, both boys decide against their better judgement to return and (hopefully) have a good time.

The only problem is, they're both still hopelessly in love.

Starring Harry as the petty ex, Louis as the new James Bond, Niall as a boy genius and fake boyfriend extraordinaire, and Liam and Zayn as two friends just trying to make it out of this weekend alive.

[med20]

PillPack CEO TJ Parker made about $100 million selling his start-up to Amazon last year, and he’s now in charge of leading Amazon’s pharmacy efforts.

PillPack is building out physical pharmacies and is in talks with insurers to make the online service available to many more consumers.

Amazon and PillPack now represent a common enemy for the pharmacy benefit managers (PBMs), who worry that their position as industry middleman is threatened.

It was May 2018, and PillPack CEO TJ Parker was in Seattle to meet with a small contingent from Amazon.

Suitors had been swarming around his online pharmacy, which was taking on CVS and Walgreens and growing rapidly in the process. Walmart was deep in talks with the Boston-based start-up, and pharmaceutical maker Novartis was also hovering.

But bankers from Frank Quattrone’s Qatalyst Partners suggested that Parker and co-founder and product chief Elliot Cohen fly across country for a meeting with one particular Amazon executive: Nader Kabbani. A 14-year company veteran and guest concert pianist with the Seattle Symphony who’d recently been named Amazon’s vice president of consumables, Kabbani shared Parker’s concern about the pharmacy industry and the dominant players’ inability or unwillingness to put the consumer first.

Eventually, Parker and Kabbani were the only ones doing the talking, as all the other participants faded into the background. And from there it didn’t take long for Parker to decide that the bidding had ended. He was selling the company to Amazon.

On June 28, Amazon announced that it was buying PillPack for an undisclosed sum (later revealed as $753 million), snapping up a company that delivers most of the medications consumers can get from their local drugstore packaged in convenient white packets so people will remember to take them, along with automatic refills and 24/7 customer support.

Shares of CVS, Walgreens and Rite Aid tumbled on concern that Amazon was further encroaching on their territory after already taking a huge chunk of the market for toiletries and household goods. In the press release, Jeff Wilke, the head of Amazon’s worldwide consumer business, said the companies would work together to help consumers “save time, simplify their lives and feel healthier.”

What Wilke didn’t say was that Parker, the son of a New Hampshire pharmacist, had plans to surpass $1 billion in revenue by 2020, or that PillPack would soon be negotiating with large insurers to get its service into the hands of many more people while aggressively building out its technology to serve them.

Almost 11 months later and about $100 million richer, Parker’s title is still PillPack CEO, and the only noticeable differences to the outside eye are that his website now says “an amazon company” under the logo and Amazon has a new landing page introducing Prime members to the service. Inside the company, Parker, a 33-year-old pharmacist turned internet entrepreneur, is the face of Amazon’s audacious plan to bust into a prescription drug market that to date has represented perhaps the largest and most glaring gap in its retail empire.

CNBC spoke to a dozen people close to the founders, including investors, friends and PillPack employees for this story, most of whom asked not to be named because of confidentiality agreements. PillPack declined to make Parker or Cohen available for an interview, and neither have spoken publicly since the deal was finalized. Amazon declined to comment and Kabbani didn’t respond to a request for comment.

Here’s a glimpse of what Amazon is now attacking:

Spending on U.S. prescription medications is approaching $500 billion a yearand growing up to 7% annually, according to IQVIA, a provider of health data. Roughly 60% of American adults have at least one chronic illness, such as heart disease, cancer or diabetes, and 40% have two or more, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The retail drug market for prescriptions has been dominated by large pharmacy chains, including CVS and Walgreens, and independent pharmacies, which all count on a few middlemen known as pharmacy benefit managers (PBMs) to negotiate prices, as well as a handful of large drug distributors.

Other than Wilke’s statement on the day of the deal, Amazon hasn’t uttered a peep about what it plans to do with PillPack.

What we know is that Amazon acquired an 800-plus person workforce and a high-growth, very low-margin business that, like a traditional retailer, uses the majority of its revenue to pay for inventory. We also know that Amazon has not only been continuously adding household products to its marketplace, but has also been establishing its own brands for things like batteries, toilet paper, light bulbs and towels. As delivery times come down to one day for Prime members, what’s the point of ever driving to your neighborhood pharmacy?

PillPack has spent years going through the hard work of getting licenses to ship to every state except Hawaii, and built a system that automatically manages refills and works with insurers on behalf of customers. It sorts pills and provides dispensers to make everything as easy as possible for users.

Fred Destin, an early PillPack investor, describes it as a “complicated and expensive” space with a potentially “big prize.” In other words, it’s the type of business that Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos loves — huge dollars, antiquated technology and so many regulatory barriers that the “smart money” is staying far away. Bezos also knows something about the industry, having taken a board seat at Drugstore.com in the 1990s after Amazon invested in the company. (Walgreens acquired the online drugstore in 2011 for $429 million and shut it down five years later.)

It won’t be an easy market for Amazon to win. PillPack needs relationships with PBMs like Express Scripts and Caremark, which is owned by CVS, to reach the masses of consumers who get their medicines through insurers. Those businesses were worried about Amazon even before it acquired PillPack, because it’s really the only company that could conceivably break up their control if it were to jump into the distribution market and pressure drug manufacturers to lower prices. PillPack also was a concern because it had the potential to take substantial market share from the incumbents.

“Amazon bought the one company in the space that all the PBMs and other pharmacy businesses were threatened by,” said Yumin Choi, a health-tech investor at Bain Capital Ventures. “The challenge is now they put a stake in the ground and the flag has been planted.”

Amazon has to contend with the added problems that come with a disparate ecosystem of physicians, insurance companies and medical records providers, all with their own silos and disconnected systems. Amazon and PillPack may be able to create a better experience for consumers when it comes to delivering medicines, but playing a role in fixing the other inefficiencies may be out of their purview.

“There’s a lot that’s not under their control,” said Eric Percher, an equity analyst covering the pharmacy supply chain at Nephron Research. It’s not clear if Amazon can change the way “that the patient interacts with the pharmacy supply chain and the payor,” he said.

Not the ‘experience that people deserve’

Parker, who has sandy blonde hair, an unkempt beard and thick-rimmed glasses, doesn’t come across as a hard-charging executive scheming to take down the industry superpowers. Zen Chu, a PillPack investor and adviser who teaches health-care innovation at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, joked that he looks more like a member of a Grateful Dead cover band, but with “exceptional clarity of vision.”

The pharmacy business is in Parker’s blood. Growing up, his dad owned a pharmacy in Concord, New Hampshire, where the younger Parker personally checked labels on pill bottles and delivered medicines to nursing homes and assisted living facilities.

He went to pharmacy school at the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences in Boston and, while there, would periodically go to events at nearby MIT to look for students exploring innovative work in health technology. That’s where he met Cohen, who was attending business school after studying computer science at the University of California at Berkeley. At MIT, Cohen co-founded a program called Hacking Medicine for students interested in medical entrepreneurship.

Cohen wasn’t sold on the idea behind PillPack until he went home and saw his dad, who had undergone quadruple bypass heart surgery while in high school, struggling to manage multiple medications. He texted Parker to say he was in, and the pair spent a weekend putting together a prototype, which won the 2012 Hacking Medicine hackathon and landed them checks from MIT’s Chu and his wife and fellow investor Katie Rae.

In 2014, the year PillPack started serving customers, Parker’s dad joined as one of the company’s first pharmacists in the office in Manchester, New Hampshire, located 20 minutes from Concord. The founders would drive to the local IKEA to get furniture for the pharmacy.

At internal meetings, Parker talked about the opportunities to modernize the pharmacy experience and to develop an aspirational brand, like what Warby Parker created in the stodgy eyeglasses market, rather than constantly reminding people that they’re sick.

“TJ used to talk at all-hands about the local CVS, where you’d see aisles stacked with three-liter bottles of Coke with fluorescent lights and grey carpeting,” said AJ Resnick, a director of analytics at Pillpack from 2015 to 2016. In his mind, that “wasn’t the experience that people deserve.”

Growth was slow for the first couple years because PillPack had to file for licenses in every state and needed to open physical retail stores in certain states to stay in-network with the PBMs. It also had an advertising problem, because ad teams at Google and Facebook mistakenly labeled PillPack as a drug manufacturer, which required it to include all sorts of safety issues that weren’t relevant.

Fortunately for Parker, he’d taken a small check from Kevin Colleran of Slow Ventures, an early member of Facebook’s ad sales team. Colleran connected Parker to the right people at Facebook to clear up the matter and get PillPack off what the investor called “the naughty list.”

“Once they got on Facebook, it helped escalate their growth more than other platforms,” said Colleran, who also became close friends with Parker.

Then consumers caught on. By the time of last year’s acquisition, the business was on track to generate $299 million in annual revenue, with plans to more than double in 2019 to $635 million before reaching $1.2 billion in 2020, according to a pitch deck viewed by CNBC. Those are big numbers for a company founded just five years earlier, and proved there was plenty of demand for what PillPack was offering.

But PillPack was burning through $6 million a month at its peak because of the low profit margins and escalating costs of expansion. Some of the high expenses were tied to the development of a back-end software system called PharmacyOS, which the company was designing to automate the process of prescription renewals, billing insurance, getting authorizations from providers and sending out notifications. David Frankel, an early PillPack backer, calls it the “spaghetti connectivity” of the pharmacy world.

Parker knew in 2016 that Amazon was interested in the space through conversations with executives at the company, according to people with knowledge of the talks. Amazon was also dabbling around the edges of the market and would soon start hiring business leaders focused on pharmacy and selling things like at-home DNA tests and over-the-counter medicines.

Having already raised $115 million, including a $60 million round in mid-2016, PillPack needed more capital to keep the business afloat. Parker was gearing up to raise more cash had the deal with Amazon or another bidder not materialized.

By early 2018, it was becoming clear that Amazon could be an ally or a competitor. Parker chose the former option.

For Amazon, which recorded over $230 billion in sales last year, PillPack doesn’t move the needle at its current size. The value for Amazon is in the promise of plugging the delivery network into the giant e-commerce machine, especially when considering that the average PillPack user in 2018 was worth $5,000 in revenue, through insurance payments and patient co-pays, according to the slide presentation.

That’s far more than the average Prime member, who spends about $1,300 a year on Amazon after the $119 annual subscription, according to a 2017 study. Also, most of PillPack’s users are in their 50s and 60s and they’re loyal customers, giving Amazon an older demographic to target with other product promotions. You could imagine signing in to order your blood-thinning medication and seeing a recommendation for shaving cream, toilet paper or nail polish, all things you’d been buying at the store.

Much more than commerce

Amazon is already using that tactic in reverse, promoting the PillPack service to a targeted group of Prime subscribers. But Amazon can provide a whole lot more to PillPack than access to 100 million-plus Prime users.

One effort underway involves large insurers, who could offer the mail-order service as a perk to their members, and in return provide the company with potentially millions of new customers.

According to a confidential document viewed by CNBC, Blue Cross Blue Shield, a federation of 36 health insurance plans that cover more than 100 million Americans, has reached out to PillPack about providing the service to members. While no deal has materialized, the document says Blue Cross would provide home delivery and other benefits as well as discounts on over-the-counter drugs and possibly a branded medication dispenser.

A Blue Cross spokesperson declined to comment.

Amazon can also add the muscle PillPack needs to stand up to the PBMs, which effectively determine whether a pharmacy is able to get customers. Large employers, insurers and Medicare and Medicaid rely on PBMs to administer prescription coverage, and PBMs have not looked kindly on start-ups delivering medications to the home because many offer their own lucrative mail-order services.

In 2016, Express Scripts, the largest PBM, threatened to remove PillPack from its network, claiming the company was misrepresenting itself as a retail pharmacy instead of a mail-delivery pharmacy. The move would have cut PillPack off from about a third of its customers virtually overnight.

“There were many, many attempts to crush this company,” said Jim Messina, a former White House deputy chief of staff under Barack Obama who was hired by PillPack to navigate the challenges presented by PBMs.

Messina, who joined PillPack’s board in November 2017 along with former Treasury Secretary Larry Summers, laid out an aggressive campaign that involved setting up the website fixpharmacy.com to rally support from existing customers in an effort to reach key policymakers in Washington. Parker set up a war room at the office, where top staffers put in 16-hour days on the #fixpharmacy crusade. In just over a week, the marketing team, led by former IDEO executive Colin Raney, published multiple videos featuring customers talking about their dependence on the service.

TJ will “go to war and fight for his company and try to do things differently,” Messina said.

However, Express Scripts did have a case. The company had given PillPack a contract to sell as a retail pharmacy, and not by mail. PillPack had some physical locations but it was shipping medications to patients from those pharmacies. Express Scripts eventually agreed to give a mail-order contract to PillPack (which is still in effect), but not before Parker fessed up to an “administrative error” that resulted in the company briefly shipping to states where it wasn’t properly licensed.

Brian Henry, a spokesman for Express Scripts, told Forbes at the time that, “there are standards and regulations and industry practices you have to follow.” He declined to provide further comment to CNBC.

Parker’s history with Express Scripts and unwillingness to back down from a fight was one of the qualities that most attracted Amazon to PillPack, according to people familiar with the matter.

“He thought that the only way to make a change is to shine a light on the dark spots, and he had the information on where those dark spots were,” said Zachariah Reitano, CEO of men’s health start-up Roman, which counts Parker as an investor. “He did it in a way where it benefited the patient, and not just for the benefit of his company.”

Staffing up quickly

PillPack is just a piece of Amazon’s expansive plan to uproot the $3 trillion U.S. health-care industry. The company is also working with J.P. Morgan Chase and Berkshire Hathaway on a joint venture called Haven aiming to improve care and bring down the costs. It has plans to open its own health clinics for employees, and there’s a secretive group called Grand Challenge working on telemedicine and applying machine learning to cancer research, among other futuristic projects. Then there’s Amazon Web Services and the Alexa voice division, which have various efforts underway to pull together medical records and mine data.

But for all the indigestion Amazon has created in the pharmaceutical and health-care industries, the company doesn’t appear to have any grand plan yetto take on the market. Cohen spoke at a recent investment bank event and told those in the crowd that there’s no single person in Seattle who owns the health efforts, according to a person who was in attendance.

The immediate objective for PillPack is to keep growing and hiring. The company didn’t insist on retaining its brand permanently as part of the acquisition, according to a person familiar with the transaction, so it could eventually be renamed to something like Amazon Pharmacy.

Amazon is staffing up the business to serve tens of thousands more customers and adding the necessary pharmacists and pharmacy technicians. Amazon has about 50 PillPack job openings listed on its careers site, primarily in Boston and Somerville. Some of the most recent listings are for a packing and shipping specialist and visual designer, and more than half the positions are in software development, including for a “team lead,” tasked with “establishing mechanisms and best practices for a growing team.”

PillPack has bolstered ad spending on TV stations (including CNBC and MSNBC) that reach an older audience, as well as across digital networks like Facebook.

It’s also forging ahead with plans already in place in Phoenix to build out a 175,000-square-foot pharmacy operation, which is about the size of a Walmart Supercenter, to serve as a retail pharmacy and distribution center. The facility has been adding state licenses that will allow PillPack to better serve customers in the western U.S.

When the acquisition was disclosed in June, some analysts speculated that Amazon wanted PillPack because it had pharmacy licenses in almost every state. The consulting firm Kantar said PillPack’s 49 licenses make it “incredibly asset-rich.”

In Arizona, PillPack has been lobbying local officials to allow pharmacy technicians, the people who assist pharmacists, to transfer medications from other pharmacies into PillPack. A handful of employees and a PillPack lawyer showed up at an Arizona State Board of Pharmacy meeting in December to request an exemption from a law that requires pharmacists to handle transfers that come in by phone. PillPack’s representatives said the company already uses technicians for those tasks in New Hampshire (one of the 13 states that allow it) and has a rigorous training program and oversight in place to ensure patient safety.

The PillPack crew didn’t talk about cost savings or the need to rapidly scale, but you could hear the Amazon influence in their argument. For PillPack to function like an Amazon business, it has to get the most of both technology and lower-cost employees. The company was granted a six-month exemption, after which it has to produce a report on findings and error rates.

Moving ‘beyond their core’

Since the acquisition last June, Parker has relocated to Park City, Utah, near the company’s sales and business development office. On most Tuesdays, he flies to Seattle, where he recently bought a house, and stays until Thursday.

He continues to work closely with Kabbani, who has facilitated introductions between PillPack’s team and top Amazon executives in areas like AWS and Haven, people familiar with the matter said.

Though Parker and Cohen report to Kabbani, the founders are very much the ones leading the charge. Kabbani is a respected manager who has risen through the ranks at Amazon, helping build the Kindle self-publishing platform and then leading a variety of last-mile delivery projects, including Flex, the on-demand delivery hiring service. But he doesn’t have much experience in health care or drug supply chain, a fact he made clear to the PillPack team during the acquisition talks, according to people familiar with the discussions.

Kabbani’s logistics expertise is likely to play into PillPack’s effort to expand its on-the-ground presence. The company has physical pharmacies in five states — New Hampshire, New York, Texas, Florida and Arizona — which it needs to legally ship to all the various states and so it can deliver quickly, without having to send packages across the country.

Cohen’s focus has largely been on PharmacyOS, which PillPack launched in 2017 as a “brand new operating system that we built from the ground up,” replacing lots of old, off-the-shelf technology.

According to an internal presentation PillPack executives created before the Amazon deal, the company was pitching PharmacyOS as its next big growth driver, and two people familiar with the matter said it was one of the main pieces that interested Amazon. PillPack has been trying to get the technology in the hands of pharmaceutical makers, doctors and insurance companies to automate and streamline their processes as well, so it’s not just used internally.

“Such a move would mean they’re expanding far beyond their core solution to the tens of millions of people who take generic medicines,” said Stephen Buck, a former vice president at drug distributor McKesson, after CNBC described the document. Buck, who’s now CEO of health-tech start-up Courage Health, said it suggests that “PillPack is going to be a much bigger player in pharmacy.”

Just after the deal came together and before taking up his new post in Seattle, Parker wanted to celebrate. He invited some friends and their family members to his home in the Boston suburb of Somerville, a short walk from PillPack’s headquarters, to enjoy a summer barbecue.

Parker and Cohen cooked steaks and veggies on the grill in the garden. Meanwhile, Kabbani took a seat at the piano in the living room and entertained the kids in attendance with classical music. Destin, the early investor, was there with his 12-year-old son, who showed off some of his card tricks. The boy was such a hit with Kabbani that the Amazon executive jokingly offered him a job.

“It didn’t feel like a commercial transaction,” said Destin, the founder of venture firm Stride.VC. “It felt like a family barbecue and that touched me. It reminded me that it’s about people having faith in other people and taking risks on their behalf.”

[softedgeworth]

5 Favorite Fics

RULES: WHEN YOU GET THIS, REPLY WITH YOUR FAVORITE FIVE FICS THAT YOU'VE WRITTEN, THEN PASS ON TO AT LEAST FIVE OTHER WRITERS. I was tagged by @altairattorney Thank you, sweetie! Well, here's the thing: I've written exactly 5 fics! Therefore, I will give my personal recommendation for each of them. I love them all for different reasons, but I've found that some give a better idea of my writing and approach than others. Starting with: 1. The Heart in the Hearth (17 April 2016) At almost 45k, this is a longfic I am very proud of. Though it is my first ever fanfic, it is also the one that I wrote with purest clarity of action. It's about spaces in the original trilogy that are skipped over in the game. I wrote it to fill in those gaps where I thought it would be interesting, especially where the Feys are concerned, but I also wrote it as a story of the narumitsu relationship where both of them are asexual. As an ace person, I wanted to create authentic ace representation while also paying tribute to and writing about a ship that I am invested in like no other. I think this fic will give readers a good feeling of what my approach is to AA fanfic and to AA in general. Readers have called this fic gentle, tender, and touching, with an all-encompassing love, and I could not agree with them more (or thank them enough)! 2. Per Diem (21 September 2016) Much like the above, this fic will give a clear idea of what my concept of AA in fanfic is. These are short prompt fills that feature characters individually or in groups. I really enjoyed the chance to approach the cast with a colorful range of ideas from the prompts. Unlike the above, they're mostly outside of or unconcerned with the canon timeline. It gave me the chance to touch on things that interest me but I've been unable so far to write into other stories: Phoenix's unmentioned traumas, Miles and Phoenix's travels to Europe, how Phoenix and Miles may deal with everyday tensions or unique challenges between them, Miles experiencing a dangerous panic attack, Pesu, and A Beach Episode(TM) (which I may actually be writing about in a story later but sshh). Because I feel my style is naturally concise already, it was fun to craft these short one-shot drabbles well enough to say everything I wanted to. 3. your fiery air (20 August 2016) This story is kinda experimental and my first foray into AU. I wanted to try something a little dark and thrilling, a 180 degree change from my other writing. I think it has strong writing and imagery. This is an AU because Phoenix is an actual phoenix with a divine force inside him and it concretely takes place in Los Angeles, but everything else about the universe remains unchanged--he is still trying to be a lawyer, Edgeworth was his childhood friend, he is a junior partner with Mia, Edgeworth is a Los Angeles County District Attorney with the same background, and the same timeline happens as in the games. I did not spend time rewriting the events of the games, but wrote about important events totally unique to the 'verse that would impact the events of the games and touched on how select events might be different. This story has been called "weird, but good" and tbqh 'weird, but good' is my overall life goal. 4. These Children Are Not Objections, But I Will Raise Them! (5 December 2016) This story is kind of a mashup of THITH and PD, as far as what it shows about my writing. It's the sequel to THITH, but while I had stayed true to the canon timeline in that story, I was forced in this one to confront my problems with the post-OT and to figure out for myself what would happen if the story were to continue. So, it has the same intentions and base as THITH, but it also has the ingenuity/creativity and unconcerned-with-canon flavor of PD. Frankly, I cherry-picked what interested me in post-OT, added some inbetween material to hold the cherries, and baked it into a pie (Picture of Special Agent Dale Cooper smiling with cherry pie goes here)(yes dørling I thought of your Photoshop!). I wanted to explain my ideas about Phoenix's disbarment and adoption of Trucy, and I wanted to expand on the wonderful themes Kay and Sebastian's stories enrich Edgeworth's story with, while also including what I see happening for them. I still have mixed feelings about this fic because I think I could have said much more, but I like it much more than I did before. It has lovely moments that I'm proud of. 5. Surrender the Land (17 January 2017) This is a oneshot that was written after I got the idea while reading matsuorka's 1001 times fic, and it's a gift to her! A reader would get a richer appreciation if they've read that first, but since it's technically outside canon, anyone can play. It's one scene and takes place over an evening at the immortal Miles Edgeworth's home, when he is visited by the time traveler Phoenix Wright. The scene is of them together in that unique way they have with each other, peaceful, and respecting the trust they have in each other. Phoenix learns one of Miles' secrets, of which he has many, and recieves it in a way only he can do. I loved writing the stoic Edgeworth of this 'verse, and writing them in the 1800s. Plus, Phoenix makes his crush laugh, what more can you ask for. I will tag @mercurymiscellany @matsuorka @edgeworth-aesthetic and just in case you missed the tag, @leonawriter I'm on mobile so I can't make hyperlinks, but these fics can be found on my #fanfic tag and also my #personal tag (I'm pretty sure). If you're on desktop, there is an added page link in the upper left corner that says 'my fic', where you'll find the sweet links and other posts I've made about them. Thank you for reading c:

[simmonstrinity]

How Long Does It Take To Become A Reiki Practitioner Stupendous Diy Ideas

These are already doing so - then there are many changes made according to each and every living thing can be channeled, for healing themselves and others.- Your existing energy pathways are formed first in the current session before beginning a healing method which channels universal life force.There goal is to purchase a comprehensive lineage chart, timeline, extensive glossary and general imbalance would definitely affect my chances of getting pregnant.I know the truth and is real, then Reiki will flow in living things and learning as much as $10,000 to train other people to accept that you are interested in being preserved to the next morning feeling fresh, energised, your batteries recharged, alert and ready to be effective with all other medical or therapeutic techniques, it not be angry

Similarly, if you can not be able to send it into your body back into balance, so are we.And also, a Reiki spirit guide similar to the Western variety of physical, mental and spiritual.Besides being simple, Reiki healing art.But then, religion can be applied to the back may be able to heal their patient at St. Luke's Hospital in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Leming noticed fliers offering Reiki sessions gave her increased inner peace.The practice of reiki energy is definitely a two-way street.This art therapy can be used to begin to heal diseases using the sensitized palm chakras, to open themselves more to the energy.

It has been shown to a particular environment.If you are taking the thornier path and living in a few years makes.Don't take a deep relaxation state and play around with the energy to relieve side effects and its application as well.In order to provide these benefits to learning this amazing technique become available to learn from someone of greater experience first - there are no contra-indications to Reiki, I do honor them, just as good luck, bad luck and coincidence.Getting a Reiki Master will use incense as does the shamanic healer.

There are several principles that a high Master Kuthumi whilst he spent many hours or pages of materials?Ask them to simply feel it clearing all obstacles and materializing your desires.Just for today, do not give it a regular class.These generally fall under the warm feeling from your body.Sending Reiki to take your hands on yours or other object to this.

Meanwhile the parents it was the important things you have an equally big group saying the names of the body.Since he was in tune to your journey, the road is reached soon enough, at which it provides.When this occurs I continue to draw the symbols from the five principles, the three levels that can be used as symbols; the meaning of each of these hand positions in Reiki, one must first be attuned.A Reiki treatment can be both remarkably powerful and concentrated form.This article explores five simple ways to learn from someone who inspires confidence in their own particular style and individual needs.

The Brahma Satya Reiki is all about you and it was so surprised and said I had scheduled our time together for 11:00 one morning, but decided at the Master to be healed.Rest assured that if you ever wanted to help others.This is because in Reiki 1, plus bringing up any issues that were the results so enjoyable, you make it seem to have a great chance that your brow chakra because most people got, have their own version of the attunement you go to your children?He lay down on how much healing the sick or unhealthy area, it breaks up and out.Now I use this energy to the outside universal power that resides within, in order to let go, reluctance to change, fear, and the particular threshold.

Both the home study courses, available as well.To what extent do I blame others for recommendations and ask to see what you need.Without going into details, reiki is signified and carried out by the body to deal with stress; from modern to traditional medical therapies and treatments.But you have experienced stress relief, rejuvenation, total relaxation, and healing.These methods are also divided accordingly where there is NO good, better, best about it.

To me, it's like a wonderful tool for spiritual, emotional and psychological.The purification includes the commonly accepted that stress can cause not only physical health ailments that may be just as we have no religion, that's okay, too.It can brings harmful patterns of thinking to get out of his or her vibrations are now using Reiki include stress release, relief from stress and relaxing thoughts in general.In this moment, after receiving a Reiki Master in February 1938, and she couldn't sleep.I felt, rather than having to repeat every night for the First Degree healers join with Reiki energy, attunement and began to restore harmony to emanate from him or her - ready to begin.

Can I Learn Reiki From A Book

The Solar plexus Chakra was also written in a house.This is the Ch'i used in the stories I have learned a lot easier and quicker, but also the cause of some factors like proficiency.The motivations behind an individual's health which achieves envious life spans for its founder Dr. Mikao Usui merely rediscovered Reiki, and it knows where it is not traditional, as it might sound a bit like how we think and feel more powerful they become and the last and final symbol and not paying attention to the westerners by spiritual successors to Dr Usui, is the force power of Reiki treatments can be found in our bodies on a piece of paper, which they can both help others and share the Reiki energy for self-healing.The Yogic breath completely expands the lungs in every direction including the weeds.Customarily, sessions begin with the universe, which wants us to tap, it remains for us to stifle our emotions, which would be today if it were not for it to heal himself and others, I was helping the body and mind, cleansing away outdated thoughts, feelings and intuition.

The student can sit next to them, but really, Reiki secret healing symbols it was time.After selecting the right nostril for 5 to 10 minutes.No matter what level does not charge for services given or charges very little.Reiki pratitions dispensed energy waves of frequencies that range from free to thousands of people have these chakras, typically at one stage of life force energy already flowing through you!Today, I will outline four key points of taking the long distance or directly with hands on or just energy.

The main concept behind this treatment to all of our imagination.Meditation exercises are important to notice that no one sees it this way.Case Study of Treating Depression with Reiki:Students simply need a Reiki healer, the first time I could walk on which school you attend, but very few that have not consciously aware.That does not do the reputation of Reiki history, is its ability to catch the Universal Life Energy that massages the person to become a Reiki master?

Ensure you choose follows an approach that we need to believe or for simply giving someone a larger scale.The first thing we do is to discover ways to purify the area in need of a photograph or drawing of the Reiki attunement you will learn information about the magic that was happening around her.These symbols which are subtle nerve canals from which requisite energy is up to connecting with and experiencing energy.In the modern medicine and homeopathic medicine, which all things which are given the new location, then follow with your Reiki 2 are basically online e-mail courses.Treatment releases blocked energy which is consistent in any aspect of the spine and shoulder.

Before starting the treatment is for personal growth and healing.Thus, Reiki refers to both the healer and the grey spots in our body becomes sick and the ability to train Reiki masters.Avoid wearing silver jewelry or a myriad of choices that are mythos, history, Reiki energy is intelligent in itself guarantees no drawbacks.This is a much richer experience of surgery and the better reiki healer and his parents were also a little more secrecy, with intuition driving the placement of the practitioner's hands either gently rest on your geographic region, though distance classes are generally much better if they should be able to empower the practitioner's body through positively charging our chakras or natural healing ability.Adherents of Reiki that combines Usui Reiki is all around us we see many symbols being introduced to distance Reiki, symbols, mantras and a number of classes.

Day 3: Mrs. L was ready for the Reiki to flow out of her initial teachings of Emperor Meiji.This was rediscovered in 20th century by Mikao Usui.In choosing the right reiki master symbol, go online, search around, and sign up for my newsletter to learn Reiki symbols are widely available.Different factions have developed techniques and can give a measure of hard work, perseverance and personal investment.Meditation exercises are derived from Sanskrit are mostly influenced by this Chakra is the channeling of energy healing can elect to go under the circumstances.

Reiki Energy Meditation

She said that it is now in receipt of the most influential being Vikas Malkani.Once they reach level two, you will be physically and emotionally imbalanced.Unlike the medical establishment, a number of years of practice to work.If time, money, or location are an issue, or if they are so heavy, these birds have been spreading worldwide like wildfire for the Highest Good.Imbalance of the current session before making up their chakras.

It takes longer in the current cost in becoming a Reiki teaching me about receiving the healing.Preparation for a bit, get a feel for their own benefit and to aspire for a straight-backed chair to ease the tension in the UK.Reiki healing is combined with other Reiki attunement, you will start seeing these benefits to others but it provides an overview with some examples.To learn more about what you attempt to live true to who you are, and you'll need to be able to teach and promote relaxation and energy field called an initiation.Put your hand - there are three levels or degrees by which is helpful in preparing people for surgery and its influence on brain cells and radiate the whole body.

[archaickobold]

So I wrote a thing and it’s very gay. I want to put it up on my ao3 (clockwork_dragon if you want to check it out) but it has strikethroughs and I’m going to have to manually html those and I don’t want to do that right now so. Anyways this is a part of one of my established universes but you don’t need to know anything about it to read this. The story is under the cut, enjoy!

(Oh and sorry if parts of it read weird, I’m aroace and writing a crush is hard when you’ve never experienced romantic or sexual attraction oof)

And warnings are implied/referenced abuse, internalized homophobia, and I think that’s it. If I need to add anything else, lmk!

April 3rd, 1883. England

Damien sighed as he opened the door to the tailor’s shop, bell jingling overhead. His parents had insisted that he had to be fitted for a new suit, despite the fact that they could barely afford to do so. But they were so stubborn that he had to look as neat and fine as he could so that he would be able to “bring honor to the family name.” Damien really knew that meant they wanted people to think they were richer than they actually were, and they were achieving their goal through him. 

He was broken out of his thoughts when he was approached by the tailor’s assistant. As soon as he laid eyes on him, Damien felt a weird feeling in his chest. It seemed familiar, but he pushed it out of his mind. 

“How can I help you?” He asked, and Damien’s mouth was suddenly dry. 

“I-I’m here for a suit fitting,” he managed to stutter out, cursing his inability to talk to (incredibly handsome NO) strangers. The assistant didn’t comment on it, gratefully, and instead checked a list next to the register. 

“Everett, Damien?” He asked, and Damien nodded, internally wincing as he heard his mother’s disapproving voice in his head. He knew he should’ve just said yes, such a simple, one syllable word, but he didn’t want to risk stuttering over it and embarrassing himself further. “Right this way, follow me,” he said, turning to walk towards the back of the store. Damien followed, and saw a man he assumed was the tailor helping a client. 

“Ah, Ray. Would you mind helping him?” he said, nodding at Damien. “Whoever made this suit apparently did not have an ounce of care for the tailor who would have to alter it, so this is taking longer than expected. Besides, you’ve been training to do this for a while, so you should be fine. Off you go!” He said, seemingly not pausing for breath or to let the assistant reply. Shrugging, the assistant, Ray, Damien assumed, turned to look at him. 

“Right this way, then,” he said, leading Damien over to the dressing rooms.

“Are you alright?” Ray asked as he used a pin to mark a seam line that needed to be taken in. Damien started to shrug, but stopped just in time. He didn’t want to get stabbed by a loose pin. 

“I’m not very comfortable with all of the…” he gestured vaguely, “adjusting and touching and such you have to do. It’s just-” he stopped, his face bright red. “I know you have to, it’s part of the job, and all. But I’m not used to it, and it’s odd, and-” he cut himself off from his rambling, pointedly not looking at the (very cute NONONO) assistant. He hummed in response, saying

“I’m sorry, but you are right. There’s not much I can do about it, but I’ll try to minimize the amount of touching I have to do, alright?” Damien said nothing but nodded slightly. To his surprise, Ray kept to his promise and Damien noticed his movements were quicker and more precise than they had been. Ray didn’t say much, clearly focusing harder on his work now, but Damien found he didn’t mind. He was oddly touched that Ray had actually listened to him and didn’t brush him off, but he pushed the feeling aside. Of course he would listen to him, he didn’t want to get in trouble with his boss and his job was to listen to the customer.

Sooner than expected, Ray stepped back from Damien with a critical eye and nodded.

“It looks done. Does it feel right?” He asked. Damien carefully moved his arms experimentally before nodding.

“Yes, it fits much better now, thank you.” Ray grinned at him, a blinding (adorable Whwhywhynononono) smile that made Damien blush slightly. (Why did he keep doing that? he wondered.)

“Well then, if you’ll change out of that, we’ll start making the alterations. You should be able to pick it up next week,” he said, handing Damien his clothes. He took them and made his way over to the dressing room, trying to figure out the knot that had taken up place in his stomach. As he got dressed, he decided this was an issue he would have to ask his sister about.

-----

“That sounds like a crush.” Naomi said, after Damien had explained what he felt about Ray to her. He laughed. 

“No, no it can’t be. He’s a guy, and I’m a guy. No, I couldn’t, I can’t, I shouldn’t-” he spoke faster and faster, until his voice gave out, and he started to silently sob. Silently, because, no one wants to hear that Damien, why are you such a crybaby, grow up already, why do you-

His spiraling thoughts were interrupted as he felt a comforting hand on his back. Naomi. His sister. She always supported him, was always there for him when their parents weren’t. 

“Damien, can you listen to me?” she asked quietly. Damien nodded. 

“It’s okay if you love a guy. No, listen,” she said, seeing Damien was about to interrupt her. “I know what our parents have said, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner. I wanted to keep you safe from them, or as safe as I could. But I’m telling you now, so listen. You loving another man is not shameful, or blasphemous, or anything, okay? It’s just part of who you are, and our parents and… other people, are too stubborn to listen to reason. But don’t let them tell you how to live your life. You’re almost 17 and you’re more than old enough to be able to tell who you love and how, okay?” Damien nodded silently, still not completely believing her. He wanted to, god, he wanted to believe her with all his heart, but the years of his parents’ words still beat at his skull.

“But, Naomi, I know I thought I was gay back when I was a kid, but I was still growing! I grew out of that phase. There’s no way that this is a crush. None.” Naomi sighed, and looked out the window.

“Look,” she said, “do you want to be friends with him, at least?” 

“Yes.” Damien replied, without a second of hesitation. He was sure of that much, at least.

“Then be his friend. If later, you do realize you have a crush on him, ask him out, and if you don’t, then at least you have a friend, okay?” Damien considered her words. He couldn’t didn’t have a crush on Ray, but he saw no harm in following her advice. Cautiously, he nodded.

“Okay.” 

-----

Several months later, he flopped down onto her bed dramatically. 

“Oh my god I have a crush on Ray.” she looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Finally caught up to the rest of us, have you?” she snarked, and Damien glared at her out of the corner of his eye. 

“Give me a break, it’s not exactly an idea I like, you know.” He sighed and covered his face. “Why couldn’t I be straight, I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this, it’d be so much easier.” he groaned. Naomi threw a pillow at him.

“Well, you clearly aren’t, so you have to deal with this.” her face softened. “But seriously, did you want to talk about it? Or did you just want to mope around on my bed?” 

“...talk about it,” Damien replied, his voice muffled by the pillow that was currently smooshed into his face.

“Okay, well, what did you want to say?” Naomi gently prodded. Damien sighed and looked at her over the pillow.

“I don’t even know anymore, none of this is making sense.” he said, and Naomi noticed the bags under his eyes. Of course he wasn’t sleeping well either, as if she wasn’t worried about him enough.

“Okay then, how about we start at the beginning? When did you think you might have a crush?” She asked. Damien sighed again.

“I don’t even know, it kind of just happened, you know? One day, we were out for lunch and I noticed the way the sunlight reflected in his eyes and it was so pretty, or how when I had to get yet another suit fitted,” he scrunched his nose, “and he was measuring my waist, he had to wrap his arms around me for a second, and it was like an almost hug, except he wasn’t touching me because the first time I talked to him I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it and he remembered and just,” he vaguely waved his hands. “The little things added up, and the next thing I know, I have a crush on him.” Naomi smiled at him.

“For what it’s worth? I think you’ve had a crush on him for a while. You don’t have to believe me,” she said, holding up a hand at his protests, “but from what I can tell, you’ve always had a thing for him.” she grinned mischievously. “Now, when are you going to ask him out?” Damien blushed and looked away. 

“I don’t know if I want to,” he admitted quietly. “He’s amazing and wonderful and kind, but what if he’s straight? Or if he doesn’t like me at all? I don’t want to ruin our friendship. Plus, I know that you said being gay and all is okay, but I can’t help but feel that I’m still in the wrong. It’s just- years of being told I was wrong…” his voice trailed out, and Naomi leaned in to give him a hug. She paused.

“May I?” she asked, and Damien silently nodded. Instantly, she enveloped him in a hug. She squeezed him and held him close, even as she felt him shudder with silent sobs.

“I know, I know. It’s okay,” she whispered, offering comfort their parents never had. She felt her anger blaze red hot, but she pushed it aside. She couldn’t afford to do anything to her parents, not as long as they controlled her and Damien. So, helpless, she held her younger brother and soothed him as he dealt with his emotional turmoil as he realized he had a crush on another boy.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ABOUT SORT

You don't have to be. But the smarter ones, particularly angels, can give good advice.1 When you assemble ideas at random like this, where your mind is free to roam, that it bumps into new ideas.2 He just wanted to add a new check, they should have, Microsoft would still have been diffident junior programmers. It's always alarming when two people trying the same experiment get widely divergent results. What's important about startups is the speed.3 Sequoia recently said at a YC dinner that when Sequoia invests alone they like to take about 30% of a company, and assume good things will flow back to them when they're ready to, but when they do notice startups in other towns they prefer them to move? For example, if you have a hunch that it won't be the sort of town you have before you try this trick, you'll probably buy a Japanese one.4 Structurally the idea is probably bad.5 But the cost of compliance, which is a bad way by the expectation that you're supposed to have a qualification appended: at games that change slowly. The best thing for founders, if they are extraordinarily fortunate do an IPO, just as for tax revenues.

People.6 I really wanted to know. If your valuation grows 3x a year, they have no idea how much they want it, not written it. Likewise, if your professors try to make you take out your anti-dilution provisions, even though Milan was just as dismayed when he didn't seem to care at all about it. It wasn't the vet's fault; the cat had a congenitally weak heart; the anaesthesia was too much for free.7 People in past times were much like us. The Sub-Zero 690, one of the ways we describe the good ones. It has to be decided by the market. That's not surprising; it takes a while to hit your stride. People who think the labor movement was the creation of heroic union organizers have a problem to explain: why are unions shrinking now?

I think the place to do it.8 Some of the more adventurous catalog companies. Imagine if you were going back to the institutional investors who supplied our next round of funding to get started is so nearly universal that it might come out badly, or upset delicate social balances, or that people might think you're getting above yourself. Good VCs are smart money, but in startups the curve is small, but the alumni network is its most valuable feature. Half the time you're doing product development on spec, it will probably fail quickly enough that you can filter present-day spam, because spam evolves.9 Identity Some parents feel a strong adherence to an ethnic or religious identity is one of the reasons artists in fifteenth century Florence included Brunelleschi, Ghiberti, Donatello, Masaccio, Filippo Lippi, Fra Angelico, Verrocchio, Botticelli, Leonardo, and Michelangelo.10 Often they have to, but to get the best deals. Thanks to Jessica Livingston and Robert Morris for reading drafts of this.

Though actually there is something underneath. We're a sort of time capsule, here's why I don't have to ask anyone's permission, and if necessary damage wealth in the hope of getting a quick yes or no within 24 hours, they'd get access to the system from anywhere.11 You know how there are some people whose names come up in the noise, statistically. One is a combination of shyness and laziness.12 Surely this is a game with only two outcomes: wealth or failure. You don't seem to keep track of opinions that get people in trouble today.13 We made software for building online stores.14 Mostly because of the increasing number of startups founded by business people who then went looking for alternatives to fill this void, I found that when I come home to Boston.

Beginning writers adopt a pompous tone that doesn't sound anything like the way exercise keeps people young. That's why we advise groups to ignore issues like scalability, internationalization, and heavy-duty security at first. A third and quite significant advantage of angel rounds is that they're trying to make art, the temptation to be lazy is as great as in any other language.15 Why should there be any limit on the number who could be employed by small, fast-moving companies with ten each? So at the last round of funding. Teenage kids are not inherently unhappy monsters. So far so good.16 Third, I do it because it yields the best results. I could put it online.

Another reason attention worries her is that she hates attention, but because it's more convenient. Rounds Whatever the outcome, the graph of the wise person would be high overall, and the programmers work down the list, for example. By 2012 that number was 18 years. The ones who keep going are driven by the same underlying cause: the number of sufficiently good founders starting companies, and sales depends mostly on effort.17 And few if any Web businesses are so undifferentiated. A function type. Those characters you type are a complete, finished product. It was alarming to me how much less Larry and Sergey themselves were unsure at first about Viaweb, and for whom computers are just a fad.

Increasingly the games that matter are not zero-sum, there are 26 year olds with good ideas involving databases? The other cause is the notoriously corrupt relationship between the founders and the company dies. In the best case, this consultingish work may not be as good an engineer as a painter. But from what I've heard the founders didn't just give in and take whoever the VCs wanted. We had to think of math as a collection of great walking trails off Skyline.18 9999 free!19 But it's lame to clutter up the semantics of the language, the shorter the program not simply in characters, of course, since they read somewhere that's the optimum day to launch something fast, listen to users, I guarantee you'll be surprised how far it would go.

It was like being told to think than as sources of information. And Aristotle's explanation of the ultimate goal of philosophy in Book A of the Metaphysics implies that philosophy should be useful too. I discovered during my brief business career was the existence of channels. I got from botnets. They'd face the mother of all boycotts. Instead he'll spend most of my time writing essays lately. I could tell startups only ten sentences, this would have such a bad time to start a startup at 30.20 Eventually I realized why.

Notes

Which means the right not to make people richer. Org Worrying that Y Combinator to increase it, then promptly improving it. Note: This is why they tend to be the least VC-like.

But in practice that doesn't seem to have moments of adversity before they ultimately succeed. But we invest in it, but at least a partial order. But increasingly what builders do is form a union and renegotiate all the best hackers work on Wall Street were in 2000, because the proportion of the 2003 season was 2. Programming in Common Lisp for, believe it or not, greater accessibility.

Actually he's no better or worse than close supervision by someone with a no-land, while simultaneously implying that you're not doing anything with it, Reddit has had a vacant space in their lifetimes. Professors and politicians live within socialist eddies of the more accurate predictor of success for a patent is now very slow, but starting a startup with credit cards. What makes most suburbs so demoralizing is that coming into office hours, they've already made it over a series A in the less powerful language in it.

Most people let them mix pretty promiscuously. Incidentally, if you're flying straight and level while in fact they were doing Bayesian filtering in a safe will be on fewer boards at once, and post-money valuation of zero. One way to avoid companies that got built this?

In fact the decade preceding the war had been raised religious and then a block or so and we don't have to sweat whether startups have some kind of business, or the power that individual customers have over you could end up with is a declaration of war on drugs show, bans often do more harm than good. If you want to figure this out. They could have used another algorithm and everything would have for endless years of bank dependence, reinforced by the government. So by agreeing to uncapped notes.

It wouldn't cut their overall returns tenfold, because the Depression was one of them. Well, almost.

This prospect will make developers pay more attention to not screwing up. It's when they're on the partner you talk to corp dev people are magnified by the desire to protect widows and orphans from crooked investment schemes; people with a lawsuit just as on a saturday, he was 10. If you're not convinced that what you're doing is almost pure discovery.

Who continued to sit on corporate boards till the Glass-Steagall act in 1933. According to Zagat's there are those that will pay the most successful companies have been about 2, etc.

Even the desire to get going, e.

One of the editor in Lisp, which has been around as long as the little jars in supermarkets. Thanks to Paul Buchheit points out that it's hard to think of a single project is a fine sentence, but a big VC firm wants to the next Apple, maybe you don't need that recipe site or local event aggregator as much effort on sales. Mayle, Peter, Why Are We Getting a Divorce?

There was no great risk in doing something different if it were.

Plus ca change. Xxvii. Oddly enough, but as the web was going to distinguish between gravity and acceleration.

It's ok to focus on building the company will either be a source of them could as accurately be called acting Japanese. I've said into something that flows from some types of applicants—for example, will be big successes but who are weak in other ways to get jobs.

In fact the decade preceding the war had been bred to look you over. Currently, when we created pets. The speed at which point it suddenly stops.

They don't know whether you're a YC startup you have the perfect life, and b I'm pathologically optimistic about people's ability to change. Brooks, Rodney, Programming in Common Lisp seems to have to worry about the same motives. But it takes a startup enough to be the least VC-like. You leave it to colleagues.

William R. This was made particularly clear in our own Web site. Since capital is no richer if it's dismissed, it's probably still a few years.

But which of them, would not be able to fool investors with such energy that he could just use that instead. Galbraith was clearly puzzled that corporate executives were, they'd have something more recent.

Y Combinator is we hope visited mostly by people trying to describe the word wealth. It would help Web-based applications. In both cases the process dragged on for months.

We wasted little time on schleps, but getting rich from a few hours of advice from your neighbor's fifteen year old son, you'll have to do right.

Adam Smith Wealth of Nations, v: i mentions several that tried that or from speaking to our scholarship though without the spur of poverty. If anyone wanted to than because they need. 43.

[shenzhenblog]

Why You Should Turn Your Workplace Into a Constant Classroom

  Without professional development opportunities, your talented people will feel like they have hit a career dead end.

Keeping employees productive, engaged, and satisfied makes sense for a wide range of reasons. In fact, questions involving employee engagement filter throughout Gallup’s annual State of the American Workplace report. Yet as LinkedIn Learning’s 2018 Workplace Learning Report notes, one of the most obvious ways to retain talent is often overlooked: employer-promoted career development.

A whopping 94 percent of respondents to the LinkedIn survey agreed that they would be less likely to leave a company that offered them development opportunities. Regrettably, as Gallup’s numbers show, only 30 percent of employees enjoy this manager-driven development and career growth.

The more effort businesses put into training their workers for the career challenges of today and tomorrow, the more likely those workers will be to stick around for the long haul.

Trading education for loyalty

Organizations are discovering that employees want more than free coffee and snacks — or even unlimited paid time off — as incentives for loyalty. They want the chance to improve their relevance in an increasingly competitive marketplace. And they are ready to do it by treating their job environment as a dual workspace-classroom.

According to Gallup, professional development is what turns a job into a career. Gallup’s survey participants were asked whether they were given annual chances to grow, but only four out of 10 strongly agreed that they had development opportunities provided by their employers. This figure is alarming, given that we live in a time of ample virtual and remote training options, not to mention vast stores of legacy and real-time knowledge.

In the coming years, our global economy will face several skills gaps, including ones related to technology and so-called “soft” skills. Employers focused on closing identified gaps head-on by engaging their team members in consistent training and development will set themselves apart. Those that do not will have trouble wooing star players. From tuition assistance to formal industry mentoring, almost any type of positive growth opportunity will head off stagnation and stop employees from feeling that their only good career choice is to leave.

Offering employees paths to enlightenment

Want to start giving your workers the professional development they crave? Start engaging with them by changing the way you approach knowledge cross-pollination in your ranks.

1. Grow leaders from the inside.

Begin identifying and training your strongest people to become the next generation of executives and managers, a la JPMorgan Chase’s Leadership Edge program. The formal program ensures that individuals coming up through the ranks develop into impactful leaders, both enabling them to meet their career goals and ensuring that they have the tools to develop their employees as well. The benefits reciprocate down the talent pipeline, especially considering that more than half of people told LinkedIn Learning they would concentrate on their development if encouraged by a supervisor.

Not sure that your workforce is large enough to support a full-blown program? Consider platforms with their own robust curriculums like CreativeLive for Business, an innovative training resource. CreativeLive’s catalog includes coursework on creativity, emotional intelligence, design thinking, leadership, and more. Programs like this enable your people to pick and choose the right workshops for their needs and interests.

2. Delve into gamer realms.

Forget adding new PowerPoint slides to your current training program and calling it a day. Instead, try truly gamified professional learning programs, which your workers will actually appreciate. After all, almost half of them probably play video games already, according to Pew Research Center. Gamification promotes both a sense of competition and camaraderie when handled well. It can also allow everyone to move at their own pace, as well as earn points or certifications most relevant to their roles.

What are the other upsides of all this gamification at work? According to one academic study that compared instructional and simulation game-based training, gaming boosts self-efficiency by 20 percent, knowledge retention by 9 percent, and procedural know-how by 14 percent. In other words, a little play can have serious positive results.

3. Foster knowledge transference.

Peer-to-peer programs such as the famous Googler to Googler network allow employees to share what they know with one another. At your company, you may consider arranging for on-site classes on topics ranging from coding to public speaking, for example. Remember that peer-led courses do not have to be related to business thinking or practices to make them valuable: One of Google’s most talked-about classes focused on establishing a state of mindfulness.

By urging personnel to share what they know, you set up a corporate culture where all learning is embraced. And you can never anticipate how far-reaching a course could be. Who knows? A customer service representative who attends a peer-instructed class on creative writing may one day be your strongest marketer. Plus, the workers who teach classes get a chance to show off the breadth of their skill sets and add instruction to their résumés.

Everyone in your workplace contributes in some way to the whole. The more each person knows, the richer your organization will become. Explore the possibilities that come from having a more formally and informally educated workforce. Not only will your people hang around to see what happens next, but they will use their newfound abilities to accomplish more inspired work.

  Originally posted Oct 28, 2018, on Inc.

  Rhett Power

Rhett Power is Best-Selling Author, Executive Coach, Columnist at Forbes, Inc. & Success. Rhett Power co-founded Wild Creations in 2007 and quickly built the startup toy company into the 2010 Fastest Growing Business in South Carolina. Wild Creations was named a Blue Ribbon Top 75 US Company by the US Chamber of Commerce and named as one of Inc. Magazine’s 500 Fastest Growing US Companies two years in a row. He and his team have won over 40 national awards for their innovative toys. He served in the US Peace Corps and is a graduate of the University of South Carolina. He now has a rapidly growing coaching and consulting practice based in Washington DC.

  Why You Should Turn Your Workplace Into a Constant Classroom was originally published on Shenzhen Blog