#(I'd like to set that as a goal but I also don't necessarily want to add excess stuff that isn't serving the fic so)

[the-golden-ghost]

1,500 words babey

[thecoolerliauditore]

saw you mention gender for a bit - i wonder why grian is feminized so much? it's of course because of the feedback loop of fanon but how did it snowball so much? it would be funny if it's from him using the alex player model

I'm probably not the guy to ask for this just to be clear right off the back. I love observing fandom trends but I'm just not keeping an eye on Grian stuff more often than not. Grain (lol) of salt, blah blah blah.

So first off I think we should tackle what "feminized" means in this context because I can see that argument being made for both the default-ish generic young anime guy grian I have in my head when I think "fanon grian" and. well. arianna griande and the like (I'd argue cuteguy falls into this latter category)

I'm gonna start with the first one and use my own Grian as an example because I think he's pretty much as standard as you can go in the former category, and that's more or less on purpose. Pictured here in all of his tiny anime twink glory (next to Joel and Cleo who are also meant to be pretty short!)

So while I can't read the minds of other Grian artists, I can offer what went through my head when I designed mine and try to have a guess at how much other people thought the same.

First things first I do think this specific brand of Grian is "feminized" -- if you compare him to the CC. The goal at least for me was more to communicate youthfulness than femininity, but those traits tend to go hand in hand with male characters due to them having pretty much the same features (no facial/body hair is a big one).

Artists in this fandom tend to swing on the younger side, and people tend to base their designs unconsciously (or consciously tbh) on themselves or media they like, the latter being very likely to be media aimed at their age group and thus having a cast of characters around their age. Doesn't help that most popular animated things are made for younger audiences, so chances are most people are basing their art styles in media where the casts age range is 12-25.

For me I do think most of my designs have a little bit of added in youthfulness/femininity unless I Really want to get across age/masculinity. It's a lot easier to separate the 30 year olds from the 40 year olds if the 30 year olds look a bit closer to 20, doubly so when most of the stuff I like (and thus reference from purposefully or not) has casts full of 15 year olds. Alot of this also applies to the other younger men in my designs aside from Grian, like Joel who's next to him.

But Joel is still drawn with stubble and a bit taller than Grian, so what gives about Grian specifically?

For me personally, I draw everything with the Life Series in mind, especially Third Life in Grian's case. And the character who Grian plays off the most in that series, especially in Third Life, is Scar.

While I do think the aforementioned age factor also impacts a lot of Scar designs (as well as younger artists' tendency towards shyness when drawing muscles), I think most people see Scar's masculinity as a key trait of his. I think I'm kind of unique in that I take descriptions of their appearances ingame as somewhat canon (e.g. Scott being canonically referred to as "handsome") but Scar really lays it on thick with "Hot Guy" and the abs and so on that it's pretty much screaming for acknowledgement when you're designing him.

Grian is also short irl and this even gets mentioned by Joel in the first WL episode, so it made enough sense to me that should be something exaggerated with Desert Duo's designs to make them look better next to eachother.

This is also maybe getting a bit into headcanon territory but when I think Grian I don't necessarily think predator or brute force, I think of him setting his traps and giggling maniacally and manipulating what he wants out of people with his words instead of his sword. And him just being like. a little gremlin thing compared to his Big Strong Man partner in crime whilst also, actually being arguably the more dangerous of the two feels harmonious.

If we do a layer deeper into headcanon land, I've also always seen him as more frail and physically weak due to Martyn's concern for his safety and his own more anxious nature in 3L as one of the first players to really consider having to defend himself -- if you're dropped into a death game arena and you're the smallest one there, you would naturally be a lot more nervous than the big guys and come off as more "insane" for wanting to set up seemingly unnecessary defenses or striking first. (<-- this is why I don't talk about Grian much btw all of my thoughts regarding him are seeped in headcanons lol)

Alot of Grian artists are also Desert Duo artists and while they might not be operating by the same logic I am I have to assume there's some common points.

I've seen this meme used a lot when people make fun of other peoples DD art and it's almost always people with very little self-awareness. it's funny to me (and this probably could be its own discussion about queer tropes and xenophobia, but whatever haha funny it's literally them so true so true.)

One final note on this is I think this specific brand of twink Grian might be dipping in popularity? I've been seeing a lot more Grians that are chunkier or entirely throw out his anime-main-character-ness by making his glasses or curly hair heavily exaggerated. Which is cool I especially loveeee the more cartoony puff ball grians that have gotten more popular. Idk if it's necessarily in response to the anti-twink-propaganda or if it's just a new stage in Grian design development as we get further away from the Third Life Desert Duo meta, but it's fun and I think speaks the feminizing not really being an intentional trait and more of a consequence of other things.

As for CuteGuy/Griande I can't really offer as much insight since I don't really get the appeal either lol except that I think it's fun in the way drag is fun.

I think what a lot of people need to remember when they ask for more masculine designs is that masculinity irl is often synonymous with less customization. Alot of it is practical (like short hair obviously you can't style like long hair) and especially outside of queer circles a lot of it is just gender roles -- alot of men will refuse to wear literally plain mens t shirts if it's an eye-catching colour.

There's a great Derek Guy interview where he talks about how men tend to misunderstand what "fashion" is and how most cishet men actually care deeply about fashion. He makes the example of offering two pairs of jeans -- one is a regular pair of blue jeans that costs fifty dollars and another is free of charge but happens to be pink, and how most men despite "not caring about fashion" will go for the fifty dollar blue jeans.

If you want an example of mens fashion and its "boring" aesthetics made more to fit into a crowd than to stand out, just go on instagram and look at pictures of the Empires CCs together and watch the guys get absolutely mogged. This isn't me calling the men badly dressed (in fact I've actually noticed before that CC Joel is like. super well put together) but more of a statement on how womens clothing is designed vs how mens clothing is designed.

I know where my eyes go first, at least. (self indulgent note: Pearl is kind of an exception to the rule for reasons but I cannot say lest I betray my own moral code. however my eyes go to her first anyway because she is stunningly beautiful she could wear a potato sack and it'd work)

And while I don't agree with this sentiment (I actually loveee menswear deeply it's. a thing), in the world of fandom artists who typically are big fans of the gay gay homosexual gay and more into high-decorative, sexier stuff, clawing at any ounce of femininity that these men exhibit is probably an opportunity hard to pass on. This also happens with Jimmy on occasion I think, with stuff like the maid dress. And Ariana Griande is like Drag Drag, not just a dress but a whole persona, so that in combination with feeding into yaoi tropes for popular ships like Scarian and Grumbo, I'm not surprised there's such a gap between actual screentime and fanmade content.

Also is Griande even like. That popular anymore? I also don't think I've seen CuteGuy all that much unless it's DDVAU stuff specifically.

I'd be interested to hear my artist friends comment on this too since again I feel like I'm not the right person to ask lol. Take this as an invitation to yap I would be fascinated hearing your perspectives.

I also think his popularity and younger audience might be playing a big part in this especially in conjunction with the first point about drawing characters younger-looking but this is getting fairly rambly already lol

Go follow the menswear guy (@/dieworkwear) on twitter if you're interested in menswear btw he's very insightful and funny

[adelrambles]

Tips on Writing Bishop

I've been asked a couple times for advice on how to write a good (03-style) Bishop, and I'm well-aware he can be a bit tough to get a grasp on. As someone who's studied him specifically to learn how to write him as accurately as possible, I figured I'd compile some thoughts in case it'd be helpful to anyone else. I know a lot of Rise takes on him are basing off the 03 version, so maybe this could help generate ideas, too. SO!

Big Overall Points!

At the core of EVERYTHING Bishop does are two primary motivations. The first: the protection of the earth. What this means to him can get tricky, because it doesn't necessarily mean protecting the people, at least not all of them. But it will be better understood alongside the other:

The second: The protection of his sense of safety. Bishop has been deeply traumatized, and everything he does is born of a want to avoid that pain ever again. In his mind, earth is a safe area, a controllable factor, and anything outside it is a danger that must be eliminated. This is why he will still be willing to put himself and other people on the line in service of this; any sacrifice is worth the greater goal. (It's worth noting, Bishop will claim the first as his motivation freely, but is likely not consciously aware of the second.)

Bishop deals in Big Picture ONLY. Another reason Bishop will willingly throw away anything, including the lives of the people he claims to protect, is that he seems incapable of understanding things on a small, individual basis.

Bishop is a cold personality. He does not have strong displays of emotion. He does emote, but for the most part it's muted, so I recommend using emotional bursts very sparingly. (In my own writing, as an example, I try to limit my use of exclamation marks in his dialogue as much as possible.)

At his core, Bishop is afraid, and his response to fear is aggression. This also makes it particularly difficult to talk him down, if he's put in an emotional state. His response to not being in control is often violent retaliation.

With those basic tenants understood, let's move next to some major personality traits:

Bishop is a controlling personality. This is a direct result of his trauma response. Things that can be controlled are safe, therefore he must control everything. If something cannot be controlled, it's a threat that must be eliminated. If he doesn't know why something happened, he becomes angry (including even when it benefits him.)

Bishop is very low-empathy. When writing him, I try to keep in mind that he cannot put himself in the perspective of others. (Or if he can, he doesn't care to.)

Bishop is a sadist. He gets personal enjoyment from hurting others.

Bishop likes fighting, but only when he's winning. He will quickly leave if he can't see a guaranteed victory.

Bishop is paranoid. This is probably self-evident, but it's the reason he's often so well-prepared even when things don't go to plan.

Bishop genuinely seems to enjoy science. He's shown to be far more lenient with scientist characters than anyone else, and he seems to involve himself in his scientists' projects to a degree. Enough to, at the very least, understand their work. (Given he was the one set to dissect the turtles, it might also be argued he has some medical or biology background, himself.)

Bishop is an opportunist and scavenger. He can roll with failures as long as he can find something to get out of it. If he's presented with an opportunity to stab someone in the back, and he has something to gain? He'll take it without a second thought.

Bishop is deeply self-blind. For all his perceptiveness and strategic prowess, Bishop is not very self-aware in the slightest. He is completely blind to his own hypocrisies, and thoroughly confident in his own righteousness.

Bishop adapts fast. He accepts situations for what they are and acts (Though he may still be angry about them, or what have you.) This is likely a skill developed via longevity; the world around him has changed rapidly, but he doesn't feel out of place at all.

Bishop will take extreme risks and thinks wildly outside the box. Also self-evident, if you're familiar with the plans he enacts throughout the show. He'll put a lot on the line if he thinks the reward is worth enough, and he's willing to go to extreme lengths to get what he wants, even if his plans would be considered crazy by normal standards.

Bishop is persistent. If he wants something, he won't stop until he gets it. If he fails, he'll retreat, make a new plan, and try again. It is very difficult to convince him to back down (and certainly not on moral grounds.)

Habits and triggers I've noted:

Being restrained of any sort puts Bishop in a panic. He is more likely to have an emotional response in these scenarios, and seems to have (an albeit muted) desperation to escape. (See: Leatherhead restraining him in the first encounter; His reaction to being trapped on the surgical table in Head of State.)

When being duplicitous or suppressing a reaction, Bishop will go to adjust his tie. This could possibly be considered his tell.

Bishop seems to have a particular fear of aliens blending in as humans. His slayer project was built around the assumption that this is a common threat. (Worth noting: This makes The Shredder the model of the exact threat Bishop is afraid of. Technically, Bishop himself may also fit the description of a threat shaped like a human.)

Writing considerations:

In 03's narrative, Bishop is EPF and EPF is Bishop. Narratively speaking, any organization Bishop is head of acts as if it is an extension of his will and character.

Bishop is shown to strike fear and/or discomfort into most characters he interacts with. Anything beyond this is an outlier, and will draw a reader's attention.

Dialogue-wise, Bishop is generally succinct and blunt. He does dabble in gloating, though, and especially likes to upset others. If he's given a chance to be mean, he'll usually take it. It can help to consider he has a Mission Mode and a Normal Mode. When it comes to Mission Mode, he gets straight to the point and hates unnecessary talking. Otherwise, he's still not very talkative, but will take the time to make pointed jabs or talk through a plan. A lot of his sense of humor seems to be rooted in how He's Better Than You (And You're Going To Die Painfully.)

It's a common pitfall that Bishop is depicted as seeking out the turtles. In 03, once he gets their DNA, he's done with them. Any encounters after that are incidental. Bishop does not care about anything that won't effect his greater goal. If he's targeting another character, it should have to do with a greater plan.

Bishop is an extremely competent combatant, shown to be able to handle up to 7 opponents at once. For a breakdown on his fighting style check out my other post on that!

Bishop is hard to kill, and oftentimes he accidentally contributes to his own defeat. (The hook from Bishop's Gambit is an example I get a LOT of mileage out of, as a perfect symbol of his self-defeating prophecies.)

We almost only ever see Bishop in the context of his work. While it could be construed that he depersonalizes himself, it's much more clear that the narrative depersonalizes him. As far as we, the audience know, Bishop's work is all that he is.

It's unclear if Bishop was released from his abduction or escaped. Depending on which you ascribe to, this can have ramifications for his mindset on how to deal with the alien threat. (Personally, because so much of his inability to cope hinges on a feeling of helplessness, I believe he was released. If he escaped on his own power, that undercuts it, somewhat.)

Thematically-speaking, Bishop parallels both his own torturers and his own victims at the same time. He has perpetuated the cycle that traumatized him in the first place by trying to fight fire with fire. (In that vein, I don't think he's capable of understanding that, not seeing aliens as people in the first place, just dangers. Considering how deeply ingrained his trauma is in his worldview and actions, it would probably ruin him, if he were ever able to actually grasp it.)

Bishop and EPF are likely a commentary on the military of the time 03 was coming out. This can be something worth keeping in mind, when figuring out his greater themes in your story, though it can just as well be discarded if it doesn't fit.

Adding to that, Bishop has an extensive american military background. His skills and knowledge will reflect that.

Bishop also plays on and references a number of real-life alien conspiracies. It can be worth digging through conspiracy history to drum up ideas and themes, too.

The ethical and philosophical quandaries of Bishop's body-hopping and humanity tend to not hold too much weight, because Bishop, himself, doesn't seem to care.

If I think of more I'll certainly be adding on to the reblogs of this post! Or, if you have more thoughts, please feel free to add! If you're in the mood for more Bishop ramblings, that's practically most of this blog atm, but this post is a particular favorite. If you're interested in Fast Forward!Bishop, specifically, consider this post! (also read Taking Pawns. slipped in that self-promo, nice.)

[666writingcafe]

Questions (NB 14A)

A Side Chapter That Takes Place During Diavolo and MC's Impromptu Vacation After The Kingsblood Crucible

Slight NSFW Content Warning

I should have known this was coming. We've pretty much exhausted all other topics of conversations during our time here at the villa. Still, I didn't expect him to broach the subject so...abruptly. We were simply sitting outside and watching the sunset when he glances over at me and states calmly,

"So, you've fucked my butler." I nearly choke on my drink.

"I-Is that a bad thing?" I ask, setting it on the table between us.

"Not necessarily. I just want to know how it happened. He's normally not one to indulge in such pleasures." I pull up my text conversation with Barbatos on my D.D.D. and show it to Diavolo. He gently takes the phone away from me as he reads that particular string of texts between the two of us. When he finishes, he hands the phone back to me.

"I didn't realize you were attracted to each other," he remarks.

"He's a nice-looking man."

"That's all?" I nervously swallow.

"Well...we've managed to bond over metal music in both timelines. In fact, it's what led to it happening the first time."

"Really?" I nod, proceeding to tell him about the events leading up to and after the Severa concert I went to with my version of Barbatos.

"I see," he responds once I'm finished. "The main reason that I asked is because I've noticed Barbatos growing more attached to you. His scent's grown a lot stronger since your arrival, to the point where it seems as though he's not trying as hard to hide it as he once did." He briefly pauses before adding,

"It's also beginning to overpower yours, which is a bit of a shame. You smell nice." Out of context, this would be very creepy, but I know his comment is innocent enough.

"Is he this territorial over you in your timeline?"

"Not usually," I answer. "He was pretty handsy before the concert, but I think that's only because he felt like he could get away with it in that context, if that makes sense." Diavolo nods his head.

"He likes keeping his professional life separate from his personal." We each take sips out of our drinks. "So, obviously Solomon and you are like an unofficial married couple, but what's your relationship like with the others? Is it similar to what you have with Barbatos, or do you merely see them as friends and colleagues?" I swallow nervously. Having the future king of the Devildom wanting to know this aspect of my life is nerve-racking, to say the least. Would he think less of me after this?

"Well...to put it simply, I'm a wee bit of a whore when it comes to them." Diavolo hums lightly in response.

"Wouldn't have pegged you as the type."

"I didn't use to be, but then the exchange program happened, and as I got to know everyone, feelings naturally began forming, and one thing led to another, resulting in me wanting to engage in those activities more and more often."

"Interesting. Is there anyone in particular that you feel the most drawn to?"

"There's three."

"Including Solomon?" I nod my head. "And the other two?"

"Well...there's Lucifer." Another hum, this one deeper and more drawn out. As if he's displeased.

"That's always been a bit of a sore subject between us," I tell him. "In fact, I think that's part of why we really didn't get along at first. I felt like you were taking advantage of him, and you thought that I was taking him away from you." Diavolo sighs.

"Lucifer...he means a lot to me. He's unlike anyone I've ever met, which makes me all the more attracted to him. But even if I'm successful in implementing my goal of uniting the three realms, I doubt there would ever come a time where I'd..." He trails off, appearing to collect his thoughts.

"At the end of the day, I have to consider who'd be fit to rule by my side, and even if I didn't have to abide by tradition, I just don't think he has it in him to be able to do it successfully." Well, this is interesting. I was under the impression that he'd marry Lucifer in a heartbeat if he could. He certainly acted that way in my timeline.

"You seem confused," Diavolo observes. "Is the relationship I have with Lucifer that much different where you come from?"

"In a word, yes." He sighs again.

"The biggest problem is the mark. Its influence is making him act increasingly subservient towards me, and I want my future partner to feel like they're equal to me. If I'm being stupid, I'd want someone to tell me that and help me change my behavior. That wouldn't be possible if I'm constantly surrounded by yes men.

"As it is, it's difficult to find objective people. They're either too afraid or too enamored to stand up to me. My father used that to his advantage. I won't make that same mistake."

"I see." I'm a bit surprised that he's being so open about all this. I mean, it's not like I'm going to tell anyone, not even when I get back home, but still. My Diavolo and I have never been able to get this close. We've had deep conversations, sure, but never about this.

"So, Solomon and Lucifer. Who's number three?" I find myself hesitating to answer. It's not that I don't want to; I'm simply too nervous about his potential reaction to be able to form words.

"It's okay, MC. Just move your head. Sound good?" I nod.

"Is it a member of royalty?" Nod.

"Is it someone from the House of Lords?" Shake.

"Is it one of their servants?" A confused shake.

"We generally treat them as part of the royal family," he explains. "After all, they help ensure that things run smoothly for us." Nod.

"Is it someone that I'd know?"

"Kind of?" Oh, so now my mouth decides to work. Diavolo tilts his head and studies me. A couple minutes later, he gets up from his chair and walks over to me. Leaning over me, he gently lifts my chin up so that I'm looking directly into his eyes.

"Is it me?" His voice is much huskier than it was before, making my heart begin racing. I'm afraid to tell him the truth, but I also know that he's going to see right through whatever lie I tell him.

Might as well be honest with him. It'd be better than the alternative.

"Yes." He smiles softly.

"Good."

Good?

Diavolo's lips touch mine, causing my brain to shut off momentarily. He's pleasantly warm. Makes me all tingly inside.

Even though the kiss doesn't last very long, I still find myself slightly out of breath when he pulls away.

"Strange," he whispers, taking a step back to give me space.

"What?"

"I thought that would have satisfied my curiosity, but I..." Is he getting nervous?

"You were curious about me?" He nods.

"After I first told you about my trial, I had a vision. It appeared as a brief flash of color at first, but when I was able to focus on it, it showed you and me sitting beside each other on thrones. Your behavior at the Kingsblood Crucible proved to me that you'd be more than capable of ruling alongside me, but then I began wondering how we'd even get to that point in the first place. If the House of Lords didn't like me allowing the seven brothers to live here, then in what world would they accept me marrying a human?"

"That hasn't stopped you from broaching the subject before."

"I figured as much, but I still wanted to know why."

"And?" Diavolo takes a deep breath.

"You taste ridiculously sweet. It's awoken something in me, and I find myself wanting more. In fact, it's making it increasingly harder to concentrate on anything else."

Oh. Is this how the others feel about me? It'd certainly explain some of their behavior towards me; I'm like a drug to them. Whether it's due to my powers, my ancestry, or something else entirely, I'm not sure.

But that's not really that important right now.

"Do you want me to enable you, or stop you?" I ask Diavolo.

"I...I don't know." A blush develops on his face, and he suddenly seems unable to look at me. I'm not used to seeing this side of the prince, but I can't say I mind it. It's rather adorable.

"Do you trust me enough to make the decision for you?" He nervously swallows before nodding his head, and I get up from my chair and stand in front of him. Standing on the tips of my toes makes me just tall enough for me to kiss Diavolo.

The next thing I know, I'm sitting in his lap as we practically devour each other. At least that's something that stays consistent across time and space.

I'm sure both of us are going to be littered with marks by the time we're done.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @interconnectedmatrix

[likeabxrdinflight]

You know something else the live action atla has the chance to address? Iroh.

I don't necessarily mean some of the common complaints I often see- I don't think they'll address his relationship with Azula nor do I think it's likely they'll give us much more if any of his backstory. But what I do think they can- and should- address is the discrepancy between animated season one and seasons two and three Iroh.

Because I've always felt they're fairly different characters in some ways. Zuko's redemption arc was set up pretty early in the show's run, I'd argue as early as episode three when Zhao was introduced. So Iroh had to be likeable from the jump too, and broadly speaking, he was. Season one Iroh has many of the traits that make him a well-loved character throughout the show's run- his goofy humor, the endless proverbs, and he's the embodiment of the "wise caring mentor" archetype.

What's not set up in season one, however, is the White Lotus, or Iroh's role in it. At no point in season one does Iroh appear to be anything other than a Fire Nation nationalist. He shows no signs of disloyalty to the Fire Nation or its imperialist goals and does not ever appear to be nudging Zuko away from those ideals. None of those character traits appear until season two. He is supportive of Zuko, he tries to encourage Zuko to show empathy and concern for others, to be less-hot-headed and impulsive, but at no point does he ever seriously discourage Zuko from seeking out the Avatar (unless there is a direct safety concern, as in Winter Solstice and The Storm). At best he simply stands by and allows Zuko to do whatever it is he's going to do, and at worst, he's actively supporting that goal. Iroh's far from a bystander to Zuko's more villainous actions in season one, and none of this is consistent with the way he's characterized in season two and beyond as someone actively opposed to the war who wants Zuko to give up his hunt for Aang.

There's a million metas and arguments and headcanons out there that try to explain this discrepancy in characterization. Some are even genuinely compelling and make sense with the canon. But at the end of the day, all that is fanon. I just don't think the writers did a good job showing how Iroh gets from point A to point B, and they actively failed in setting up the existence and importance of the White Lotus.

The live action series has an opportunity to correct this. They could foreshadow the White Lotus sooner. They could show us the White Lotus sooner. They could also cut the White Lotus altogether. They could make subtle changes to Iroh's character or add scenes that indicate whether or not he was always trying to steer Zuko down this path or if he has some significant change of heart at the Northern Water Tribe. They could do something with his character that the animated show didn't, show his own growth and development if indeed he has any at all. And I think it's arguably one of the more important things the live action show ought to be doing, because it's one of the few major storytelling failures of the animated one.

[genericpuff]

Hey there! Let me just start by saying that I love your work on Lore Rekindled. I've been super into Mythologies ever since I was like 6 (so that makes it nearly 20 years of constant adoration lmao), and your retelling of the Persephone myth is honestly one of the best ones I've seen so far. Which brings me to my question: I was wondering whether you would ever like to turn rekindled into a wholly original project. Perhaps after changing character designs and tweaking some details?

Keep up the great work and have a lovely day!

Thanks so much! I'm so glad it's resonating with people looking for a more grounded approach. That was pretty much half of my goal, I wanted to try and expand on the more creative interpretations Rachel started with (such as the modern setting) but actually tighten the worldbuilding and keep it more on theme with the original myths. So I'm always happy to hear from y'all that it's accomplishing that exactly as I had hoped :)

I've had people ask me that question about making it a more original thing, and I have considered it just for the sake of like, "making something my own", but at this point if I did that I'd have to completely redraw Rekindled from scratch and I don't know if I have the energy or strength to do that LOL (I'm already infected by the redrawing brainworms on my original stuff). And it would defeat the point of why I started Rekindled in the first place - to bring closure to myself and others who loved LO in the beginning and saw all the potential it had but never really delivered on. To remove it from the LO stylization would make it more 'original and unique' but would also remove it from its original purpose.

That said, I am hoping to do some other adaptions of Greek myth stories that were either poorly done by LO or not covered at all after Rekindled is done, so I'm considering doing a more original interpretation separated from the LO retelling for those, as they wouldn't necessarily depend on the H x P retelling that Rachel tried to accomplish. That way I can sorta try and have my cake and eat it too LOL But we'll see! I gotta get through Rekindled first :' )

[heilos]

Hello! My name is Moriah and I am a junior in high school. I was wondering if I might be able to get your insight on a few questions I have?

I am in my final years of high school and am starting to think about college but I have no idea what I want to pursue. I know I love art, so for a long time I have been thinking about getting an art major or going to an art school.

I’m reaching out because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR ART and I think you are a very talented artist! I have been in love with your art for so long and I am curious and wondering how you are able to fit drawing into your life?

1.) If you went to college for art, what was it like? Do you think going to school for art or having an art major is worth it?

2.) how can I fit art into my everyday life? I’m sure you have work and other things to do in your life so how do you balance it out? (I just want to know how you can draw as much as you do!)

3.) do you do art as a full-time career or part-time career? is it an alright source of income? If it is a part-time career, how do you balance work, personal life, and art?

Thank you so much! And sorry if these questions might seem personal. I just want to know how other artist manage to draw and create their work and still have an adult life. Thanks again, and thank you for being a huge inspiration in my life to create the art I love! Your art means so much to me!❤️❤️ ❤️

Hi Moriah! Thank you so much for your patience since it took me a bit to answer this. I'll do my best to be as honest as possible. 1) I think going to college can be beneficial even if I wish i'd done things differently. In hindsight I would have definitely taken more time to really look through all available options instead of gunning straight for the most "prestigious" looking colleges since the idea of having a big name school on your resume was pretty prevalent when I was growing up. I went to Savannah College of Art and Design or SCAD for short and while I don't regret the friends I made there, I do regret not understanding just how much an institution like that ended up costing in loans compared to what I got out of it education wise. It always hurts my heart to see other kids get chained to huge amounts of student loan debt that could have been avoided. And even then you don't necessarily need a college degree for every type of art job. Your portfolio is what really matters more to prospective work places if you're looking at a career related to art. I would also keep in mind that the field is very competitive depending on what your goals are. Do you want to get into animation? game design? illustration? comics? prop design, character design or environment design? ect ect. Always try and give yourself the best advantage you can with researched knowledge of what you might be getting yourself into. Also there is no rush to go immediately into college even if you're dead set on wanting to attend one. Please give yourself as much time as you need to really make that decision and, if you have the option, don't feel pressured into thinking you HAVE to make that choice immediately out of high school. 2) I do get quite a bit of production art done on my days off mostly since I'm very experienced in working on group projects like Mystery Skulls Animated. When you're doing art and production work with other people, there's a different mindset in that others are relying on you to keep decently productive so that you're not holding up the pipeline if you're dedicated to seeing a project through to completion. Now when it comes to purely fun art on the side, I've actually only recently started balancing my time out better with work to sketch since the draw back of working on a group project like this for so long is a certain level of burn out. I had about a 2-3 year period where I couldn't get myself to draw much of anything even if I was excited about something like a new game or animated series and it's taken awhile to come to terms with the time lost since my body and head needed that time to recover and that's something i'm much more ok with now. I'm not the absolute best on advice for time management unfortunately, but seeking out projects that might interest you and lets you collaborate with other artists is definitely one way to keep yourself excited and engaged when wanting to make art. Just know and/or learn your limits and you'll be better about not getting too burned out when trying to find that decent balance of art time and other life activities. 3) I actually don't do art full time even if that was originally the plan back in college. I personally found out that I didn't want to turn it into a job the closer graduation came, but that varies completely from person to person and plenty of up and coming artists have found fulfillment in having art be their job too. I used to make prints for conventions so that was a partial income source for a little bit, but again for me it got tiring and I ended up getting a different more physical job to supplement my income while still being able to have enough time to stick around with my friend group on our music video projects. And again there's no shame in taking some time in trying to figure out if you want to make art your job and coming to a different conclusion. Sometimes the things we plan when we're younger take a wildly different turn out of left field and education or job aspirations are very much included in that.

[billthedrake]

GOALS (PART TWO)

Story idea by and collaboration with top son Turner (bimgm36@gmail.com).

[AUSTIN]

It was a shitty week.

It all started bright and early Monday morning. I had to get back to the suburbs for work, and Scott had to get into the office. I don't know exactly what I expected but Scott was definitely quiet and moody as we quickly got ready. There was no kiss goodbye, no hug even. Just a "see you at the gym" comment from him.

Only I didn't see him at the gym, not Tuesday. He'd sent me a text saying work stuff had come up and he'd have to reschedule. In itself, that wasn't a big deal. Scott Delahunt had prioritized the gym over the last year and a half, but he also had a demanding, important job. This wasn't the first time he couldn't make it.

But instead of his normal apologetic tone at our next meeting, the man was reserved.

"Everything OK?" I asked as I put on some more weights on the bench. At least Scott was channeling whatever moodiness he had into the lifts... he was on fire that day, actually. I wasn't sure what kind of conversation I was expecting in the gym. But his standoffishness was driving me crazy.

"Yeah," he said, looking at me with slightly wounded eyes. I could tell he wasn't mad at me, but he was really upset about the sex. "Just been busy at work is all."

I'd have to leave it at that. "Well, you're looking really strong in here today."

"Thanks," he muttered. Then got back on the bench for another set. All business.

The kicker for the week was that my dad came to visit Friday. Not me specifically, but he and my stepmom Janet were in Nashville for a weekend on the town. So I went to meet them for dinner. Lots of small talk, lots of Dad's wisecracks about Nashville being "sin city," and the usual blustery questions about when I was gonna get a serious girlfriend.

I answered as well as I could, but Dad wouldn't let up. "For Chrissake Austin, you're 24."

My stepmom actually came to the rescue. "For goodness sake, Frank, leave the poor boy alone."

I'd held off on any other Friday plans, but Dad and Janet clearly wanted to hit the country bars on their own. As we left the restaurant, Dad stretched out his hand for a handshake. "Good to see you, son." I knew I wouldn't see him again until Christmas.

The whole ride home I was mad at him. Then I was mad at myself for letting him get to me. What did I expect? There's that saying about insanity and expecting different results.

I was mopey when I got home. I cracked open a beer, which I rarely do at home. I wondered why I didn't have the guts to tell Dad that I'm gay. I'd spent my college years very much in the closet and enjoying secret sex with my professor. I loved playing that role for him, the "straight" jock who'd nail his ass at least twice a week.

Now that I'd moved back to Brentwood, I decided I wouldn't necessarily hide the gay thing but I wouldn't advertise it either. I'm not sure what made me be forthcoming with Scott Delahunt. Maybe I felt I could trust him. Maybe unconsciously I wanted something to happen. I was glad it did, only there was a good chance I'd lost him as a client and more importantly as a friend. Fuck... business and pleasure definitely shouldn't mix.

I picked up my phone. It wasn't too late, and I knew I had to call. Jason was my best friend at UT, a teammate who I felt like I could share anything with. Except one thing...

"Austin!" came his response as he answered, seeing my name on the caller ID. "What's up, man?" We called each other all the time, but not usually at this hour.

"Hi man... listen... I know it's out of the blue to ring you up, but I had something I gotta tell ya."

"Everything OK, Aust'?"

"Yeah, I'm OK. I just... well, I wanted to let you know that I'm gay, Jason," I blurted out.

There was silence on the other end. Then: "For real?"

My heart pounded. Here was my best bud in the whole world and he still was even after college and me moving to Nashville and him to Atlanta. And I had no idea how he'd take it. He was a typical jock, I guess, and very much a pussy hunter. "For real. Sorry I didn't have the guts to tell you before."

"You know you're my brother, man," he said. "Right?"

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, bro. Thanks."

I could sense an awkward pause on the other end. "Listen, bro... I hate to cut the conversation short, but I'm actually on a date right now."

"Oh fuck!" I blurted. "Sorry, man." I'd been so absorbed in my own drama.

He chuckled. "It's all good," he said. "But we'll catch up this weekend, OK?"

"All right. Sorry again, Jase. Catch ya later.

That conversation was what I needed. I don't know… it cleared the air some. The next morning I decided I needed some relief for my morning wood. As I made my coffee, I fired up one of the apps to see what was on there.

I got a message. "Hi man. You really discreet?"

I typed back. "I always am."

I waited a sec then got another message. "Well, you're really hot."

"Thanks," I replied.

"I bet you get a lot of guys telling you that."

"My fair share," I admitted.

"OK if I share my pics?" His profile was pretty minimal, which itself wasn't a bad thing. Married or unavailable men didn't usually put much on their profiles, so you never knew if you were getting a troll or a stud.

"Yeah, sure," I said. I made it clear it was noncommittal.

He showed me his pictures. He wasn't Scott Delahunt hot, but I decided not to be picky. I was horny and in the mood to get off. The man seemed like a regular suburban guy in his late 40s.

"Looks good," I wrote.

"I don't bottom, but I'd love to suck your dick this morning," he wrote.

It was to the point. I often like to chat a good bit with guys, since it helps me suss out if they're on the level and figure out if there's sexual compatibility. Also for me sex is in large part a mental thing, and I love the build up before the act.

That said, I know it's not the etiquette to be too chatty on the apps, and this dude seemed to have a very limited time. He gave off that lying to a wife about making a Home Depot run kind of vibe. I told him to come over.

When he showed up I was a little thrown off guard that he didn't look exactly like his pictures. He had a goatee and was much grayer than his photo. That itself was actually a turn on, but he was also overweight... not fat, but girthy in his jeans and T-shirt.

"Dang, dude, you're hot," he said as he stepped in. At least his voice was deep and masculine. Then seeing my reaction, he prompted. "Is this gonna work man?"

I could tell he was excited for this, and I relented. "As long as you know how to suck dick," I blustered as I pulled down my shorts and gripped my dick to prime the pump. I hadn't fully lost my erection and was still feeling worked up.

I watched his big body scramble down and get down to service me. This wasn't Married Guy's first cock. He explored me with his tongue for just enough to work me up, then he took me into his mouth. It was a skilled, no-nonsense blow job. Two minutes tops. If that. I looked down and watched that silver-haired head bob up and down. I conjured up a fantasy about my high school math teacher. Then it happened. I came. It felt great.

Married Guy suckled me and gave a final soft kiss to the head as he pulled off. "Guess you needed that, huh, buddy?" he chuckled. I could tell he was proud he'd gotten me off so quickly.

"Pretty much," I said as I reached down to pull up my shorts.

He stood up and rearranged the boner in his jeans. "Well hit me up again if you need that bad boy taken care of," he said. He was clearly thrilled at playing with a man on the side. "Can't always get away from the Mrs. but it was worth it today."

"Will do," I said. My demeanor was friendly enough but maybe giving that frosty time-to-go signal. I was a little relieved when he left.

I had gotten my rocks off and that was nice, but I felt the psychological part hadn't been that rewarding.

But it was like the heavens were going to reward me for the so-so sex and for my unrequited feelings for Scott. My buddy Rick asked me if I wanted to catch the season opener for the Predators at a downtown sports bar. I'm not a big hockey fan, but the Predators had come off a great season and there was a buzz in the city around the team. Scott had actually canceled his Friday morning session at the gym, so I'd have an extra hour before I had to be at work that next morning.

Rick was a fellow trainer and a couple of his college friends came with us. I was the odd man out not really following the game but it was fun just inhabiting the hightop of that crowded bar and cheering each goal against the Rangers.

But eventually my eye was drawn to a table of businessmen at the table next to us. Three suit and tie guys, though their jackets were on their chairs and their ties long gone from the day at work or some convention. Given their reaction to the game, they were New Yorkers, or at least Rangers fans.

My attention was drawn to the oldest of the bunch. A sturdy built guy in a regular business man kind of way. Tan lingering from his late summer vacation, brown eyes and thinning silver hair cut almost military short, he had a kind of Jersey/Long Island daddy look that appealed to me. Best of all, his pecs filled out a pale blue dress shirt and his ass looked great in his gray trousers.

Maybe I was looking over too much because Silver Daddy caught me and gave a knowing smile. Not a flirty smile, but a “yeah, I know you're checking me out” smile. I figure straight dudes in New York are used to getting attention from gay guys all the time.

I got another pint just as the third period started. Seemed like Silver Daddy was working on another beer, too. I got the feeling they'd started early, because their booming voices just kept getting louder.

I played it cool, not so much hiding my interest from the man but rather not trying to be obvious around my buddies. But Silver Daddy started slyly looking back to me. The first time he did gave me a boner under the table, and I was half hard for the rest of the game. Playing cat and mouse with our surreptitious eye contact.

My friends were in a great mood when the game was over, since the Predators won. They tried to convince me to hit one of the more partying country bars on Broadway but I told them I had an early morning and said I'd just hang out at the sports bar and finish my beer.

I don't know if I expected anything to happen. But when I watched Silver Daddy go to the bar to order another round, I took my chance and stepped up next to him, to order my own drink.

He flashed me a drunken smile. "Your friends left you," he said. Not quite a slur but he was definitely drunk.

"Yeah," I said. "Fraid so." I replied in a way that suggested I wasn't at all upset by that turn of events.

"Let me get ya a drink," he said. His accent was New York all right.

I nodded. "Sure." I told him what I was having.

Just then one of guys came up and clapped Silver Daddy's shoulder. "Listen, Bob, we're actually gonna call it a night. See you tomorrow."

The man didn't miss a beat. "Yeah, sure, Greg. I might play hooky and skip the first session," Silver Daddy bellowed.

"I hear ya. I might be in the same boat tomorrow. Why the fuck did I let Connors convince me to do shots? I'm not fucking 22," he growled.

"Remember... water and aspirin before bed." Silver Daddy said. I couldn't tell if it was a joke or real advice.

The man shook his head. "All right... go easy, man." He clapped Bob's shoulder and then walked off.

"Guess it's just you and me," he smirked.

"Guess so," I said. God, I hadn't really had a situation like this before, but it was fun.

He leaned in, a naughty look on his face. "My hotel is nearby. Feel like skipping the beers?"

"Yeah," I said. I was starting to get hard again, but hopefully my boner wouldn't show too much. Up close this man was more solid than he looked from the distance even.

He winked and patted my shoulder. "Let me pay the tab and I'll get my jacket."

He had a swagger as we left the bar and walked down the street. I kept looking over at him. About 6'1" with very upright posture, almost chest puffing out. He had a prominent nose and forehead, which stuck out more from the receding and thinning hair. If he wasn't so clearly a businessman, I might have placed him as a coach type. I placed him in his mid 50s, but he'd taken good care of himself.

"I'm Austin, by the way," I said, realizing we hadn't even introduced ourselves.

"Bob," he replied in turn.

"You in town for business?" I asked. He could have been local, but from his talk at the bar I gathered not.

He looked over at me. "You got it," he blustered. The man had one volume for speaking it seemed. "E-Commerce Convention." He flashed a grin at me. "This was the last thing I expected to happen tonight, I'll tell you."

I smiled back. "Me either," I admitted.

He chuckled. "You do this often?"

"Not enough."

"I hear ya," he said. I could tell he had his hands in his trouser pockets to keep his own boner from being obvious. That thrilled me. "But I figure what happens in Nashville stays in Nashville, right?" The guy liked to talk. "Got a girlfriend or anything?"

I was a little nervous having this conversation so openly on the street, but no one was around to listen or care. I shook my head. "I stick with guys," I replied.

That seemed to surprise him. "Yeah, man? You should come up to New York... give those muscle gays some competition."

This was a man of surprises, but I was happy to go along for the ride. "Is that what you're into?" I asked.

This was the first and only time I saw a flicker of embarrassment on his handsome, middle-aged face. "When I'm in the mood to play that way... yeah, that flicks my switch."

"Just to be clear," I put it out there. "I don't bottom."

He chuckled some as if he found my top assertiveness cute. "All right, stud... I'm sure we can have some fun."

I felt a little bad that this was the hotel Scott and I had stayed in. Different floor, different room, but same look and furnishings... even the view out the window was the same. But Bob was night and day different from Scott. I didn't know his story but he clearly had experience with men.

"Fuck, you're hot," he growled as the room door clicked. Our bodies met, then we kissed. I loved his energy and his meaty bulk and that suit. It was impetuous and horny, the way we fueled each other's sexual excitement. We ground our crotches into one another and made out in a drunken sloppy kiss.

And already this Silver Daddy was reaching down to fumble with my jeans, undoing them and reaching in to grip my boner. "Nice one," he growled then stepped back to undo his own belt. Maybe I normally like being top dog, but I had to admit Bob had a nice tool. Long as mine and thicker. It fell out, heavy and then jerked up to a standing position.

"You suck a guy?" he asked.

"Yeah, sometimes," I replied. I wanted to get a taste. I crouched down and felt that soft wool fabric of his suit then leaned forward. His prick tasted salty and the tip was dewey with precum. I gave him a quick couple of licks then started taking him into my mouth

"Fuck yeah, man." God, I hoped the room had some soundproofing.

I wasn't a natural or skilled cocksucker, but I settled in to do right by him. Bobbing up and down on his thick tool. Not going deep, because that girth was a lot for me. But I settled into a good rhythm on about 3 and a half inches of his stalk. The brash guy was surprisingly quiet as I fellated him, standing with his legs apart and running his fingers through my hair.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but he didn't seem in a rush to get off. After a couple of minutes I pulled back and got one more look of his meaty erection before looking up.

"My turn." It half question, half statement.

I stood up and kicked off my sneakers. Bob stepped back and removed his suit jacket, hardon still spit wet and sticking out of his fly. He gave me another wink, then turned to take off the rest of his clothes.

I followed suit and admired the view as I watched this middle-aged stud get onto the bed. He had some padding but some strong muscle, a classic ex-jock build. Blocky pecs, big arms, and a general thickness. He wasn't all that hairy, but his dusting of chest and stomach hair was also graying and I found that hot. There was just some dirty blond in his wiry pubes around that tubesteak.

I climbed on top of him, meeting him in another kiss and feeling our body contact. Bob got into it, which got me into it. I don't know if he was Scott Delahunt perfect, but in his own way this business guy was hotter. He humped up into me as we made out and his hands were on me.

"Jesus," he grunted, the loud voice returning. "You're a muscle dude all right," he growled.

I grinned down on him. I about told him I was a personal trainer, but figured that wasn't important.

"Figures you'd be a top," he said. Then, "Well, I have a couple condoms in my bag if you wanna get in me."

"Fuck yes," I said, which made Bob laugh. Even with a rubber, I knew I'd enjoy this.

"Just let me sit on it first," he said. "It's been a while."

I agreed and got off him so he could go fetch the rubbers and lube. He hadn't blown me yet, but that was OK. I was rock hard as I lay back against the headboard, while Bob applied some lube to my stalk, then rolled down a condom. He then lubed that.

His dick was rock hard and he had a lusty look on his face as he straddled me. I watched his chest muscle flex some as he reached down and back to guide my dick into place. His eyes seemed to drink up the sight of my body beneath him. "God, you remind me of a couple of fellas on my son's hockey team."

Good fuck, he was gonna push my buttons big time. I ran my hands along his meaty thighs. "You ever do anything with them?" I asked, my voice cracking in lust.

He smiled. "One of them, yeah...."

And like that he pushed back. I felt the snugness and then I entered his hot, right rectum. The man let out a hiss and paused, then descended down some. "You're big," he smiled, then with a determined look pushed all the way down. "OH FUCK!" he growled. I was getting into his vocal nature. But equally I was enjoying feeling up his more mature muscle. He was the kind of man who'd be hot to fuck well into his 60s, and that idea excited me perversely.

It took some restraint not to thrust into him right away, but my prick was rigid and throbbing inside him, having the mental side of the fuck make up for the lack of physical stimulation to my dick.

But it didn't take him long to relax. And with a steady motion, he rose up and fell down into my lap. Fucking himself on me. I loved watching him. His whole body getting into it as he stroked his cock and rode me. This man loved sex, and had no hangups about bottoming for me.

It was like he was reading my mind. "You know how to bring out my naughty side, stud," he said.

I now gave small thrusts up into him, to meet his bouncing. "Like with that hockey player?" I ventured.

He grinned. "Austin... talk about naughty... Mark is my best friend's son."

"Fuck!" I groaned.

"That shit turn you on?" he laughed.

I nodded. "Yeah it does."

He rode me a little faster, though his stroke on his cock kept the same pace. "Mark's fucked me a couple dozen times," he admitted. Maybe he was making it up as sex talk to work me up, but I think he was telling the truth.

I couldn't help it. I gripped his hips and took charge of the fuck, pushing up into his guts with steady hard strokes.

"That's it, stud," Bob growled. "Go for it." He reached down and felt up my chest and arms. I didn't know if I was a replacement for some college-aged hockey player, but it was OK if I was. Then he asked, "Wanna switch positions?"

He didn't wait for an answer but simply rose off me and plopped down next to me. Already he was lifting his legs up, giving me room to scoot between them. He was a hunk and a half, not magazine perfect but hotter for it. I placed his calves on my shoulders and pressed forth.

"I want you to cum," I urged as I began fucking him. My voice urgent even if I knew I wasn't going to cum with the rubber. My hips worked him in strong, physical shoves.

"Yeah," he hissed. Even if the alcohol and maybe his age had kept his trigger at bay, he was getting into it now. His eyes wildly on me and his fist working that thick tool faster. "Harder, stud!" he yelled.

I went for it. Hard and fast. His face went red and he nodded excited.

"Yeah... yeah... oh shit!"

His cum flew out with a crazy suddenness. He wasn't a big cummer but two heavy ropes flew out onto that meaty chest before his sperm oozed out in dribbles.

I pulled out and stripped off the condom. It wouldn't take me long to cum now, at all.

But Bob had different ideas. "Bring it up here," he urged.

I hadn't ever shot on a guy's face, but the idea seemed hot as hell. I scooted up and fisted my tool an inch away from his handsome business daddy mug. But he batted my hand away and leaned forward.

I was gonna get my blowjob after all. Bob didn't seem bothered by the lube and the latex taste as he sucked me in and bobbed.

About five bobs and I blasted hard. The man moaned excitedly as I filled his craw with my fresh sperm. I pulled out so I could see some spray on his chin. I felt I deserved that.

I was still dribbling in aftershocks even as I sat on the bed next to him.

He had come down from his orgasm and looked up at me with a smile. "Good for you, I take it?"

I nodded. "More than good," I replied. "I needed a lay like that."

"You caught me in the right mood," he said.

"Drunk?" I teased.

He laughed. "That helps," he said. "Listen, no pressure... but I'm in town for another day, if you wanna hook up again."

"It would be hard to say no," I said.

"Is that a no?" he asked, unsure what I meant.

"That's a yes," I clarified.

He ran his hand up my leg and then nudged his fingers against my genitals, which twitched at the touch. "I just want to take advantage of my free time away, you know?" He looked up from my cock to my face. "You can sleep here if you want."

"I'd have to get up early," I warned him. Even with Scott's cancelled session, I had to be at the gym by 7:30.

"I'll set the alarm... you can get up when you like," he said. He patted my leg once more and got up to go to the bathroom. He pissed and washed off some, I gathered, but when the door opened and he strutted back, naked, his body showing off the tan line from that beach vacation. he had a glass of water and two aspirin, which he popped in his mouth.

I got up to piss myself and as he watched me pass him, he added, "yeah, you'd give those New York guys a run for the money, all right."

[SCOTT]

"Where's your head, Delahunt?" Rich Kennedy asked after my drive on the 14th hole went wide. Way wide. "That's the third lousy shot today."

"Motherfuck!" I hissed. I was normally a good golfer, and I didn't take a bad day well.

"Oh Scotty's been in a pissy mood for weeks," Dave Feldman chimed in. I was the last of our foursome to tee off, and I think the fellas knew I was gonna slow down our group.

The fourth guy, Ed wisecracked as he looked at his phone. "He's probably checked his retirement account. Another shit day on the market fellas."

That seemed to ease the tension some and as we went on down the fairway, the conversation turned to investments and whether it was time to change the allocation for our nest eggs. It was the kind of conversation we had a lot.

I had to admit Dave was right. I had been in a bad mood. Ever since that night with Austin. I tried to get him out of my head but that attempt was making me miserable. The one exception was with Kelly. Maybe I was overcompensating but my guilt at cheating on her put me into charm mode with my wife. We'd even had sex a few times lately, which was a nice change and a welcome reminder that my heterosexuality wasn't gone.

Thing was, my bisexuality wasn't either. Sex with Austin had been amazing. I'd still throw hard during the middle of the day, almost every day, thinking back on it. I don't know, something about the combination of hardness and softness, of Austin's innocent charm and his jock masculinity, really turned me on. It was a revelation to me.

I knew I was playing with fire, even sticking with Austin as my trainer. But I kept my distance. I felt my improved physique was the best change of my life lately. I didn't want to stop that.

Our Friday training sessions were going as normal. Me focusing on a solid lower body workout and giving it 110 percent. We made some small talk, but kept it light. But for three weeks I'd avoided any talk of the Titans. Today I brought up the football talk. Austin seemed to relax and get into his fantasy team for the week and his plan to watch the game with some of his trainer buddies. I wondered if any of those guys knew Austin was into guys, but I figured younger people aren't as judgmental as people of my generation.

Whereas my Tuesday or Wednesday sessions were late afternoon, I tended to meet Austin first thing in the morning, so I could get a round of golf in for the afternoon if the weather allowed.

I'd showered and dressed in my suit for work when I saw Austin waiting outside the locker room. He had an envelope in his hand and a nervous look on his face.

"I didn't overpay you, did I?" I asked. "I'm hoping to make up that session I missed..."

He shook his head. "No... open it later," he said. "OK?"

"Yeah sure," I said. He gave me a sad nod and went back to a client who was stretching between sets.

I had a pit of my stomach feel for what was in the envelope. Or at least a ball park idea. As I got into my BMW, I tossed my gym bag on the front seat and nervously opened the letter. The writing was in pen in what I'd describe as a neat scrawl.

"Dear Scott,

Forgive my handwriting. And forgive my writing what I don't have the guts to tell you face to face.

I want to apologize to you. I crossed a line with you, and I got you to do something you didn't feel comfortable with. I almost expected you to find another trainer, and I wouldn't blame you if you did.

But I miss our friendship. Maybe that's not respecting a professional line, too, but I consider you a friend first and foremost. We can forget what happened if it would help.

There's some other sappy stuff I wrote but I tore those letters up. This is enough.

your trainer,

Austin"

My heart sank. I thought I'd be strong enough to resist this special young man. But I was pulling out my phone for a quick text. "Read your letter. You have any time to meet this afternoon? In private."

He was the kind of trainer to be focused on his clients, so it wasn't until I got to the office that I saw the text that awaited me. "I have a window between noon and 4." I typed back to see if 12:30 would work. I had a 2PM tee time. He responded back with his address and a question mark. I said yes.

The morning would have felt like torture had my calendar not been full. I'd have to catch up on work tomorrow morning, but it was one of those beautiful October days that was perfect golfing weather, and I wanted to take advantage of it.

I had to text Austin I was running late, but traffic was OK. He was there, still in his work attired of zip up and trim-cut sweats. God, he looked like a million bucks. Cute yet masculine, his dimples forming as he gave a nervous smile.

"Hey," he said as he ushered me in.

I looked around. It felt like a bachelor's apartment. Clean and basic, not a lot of decoration. "Nice place," I said.

"Thanks," he said. "Have a seat," he gestured to the couch.

I sat down, facing him. The ball was in my court. "I know I've been standoffish lately," he started. "Austin... I can't hurt my family."

The younger man grimaced. "I know... I don't want you to, Scott. Seriously."

I felt a little relieved. This was unchartered territory for me. "I wasn't going to tell you... but I enjoyed what we did... a lot."

His eyes perked up. "For real?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "Maybe a little too much."

"Did that freak you out?" he asked. Concerned.

I shook my head. "Not in itself. More about the stepping out on Kelly part. And what it meant for my marriage."

"Oh," he said.

"Even if things haven't been great with Kelly lately, I'm not going to leave her," I said.

I could read in Austin's quietness he was nervous of saying the wrong thing. But he finally spoke up. “If you wanna fool around, Scott, I’m really discreet, I promise.”

I blushed. “Come on, Austin,” I pleaded. I very much liked the idea of what he was suggesting, and maybe that’s why I was pissed at him for suggesting it.

“Sorry,” he said. “I just had to try.”

“Sorry, Austin,” I said softly. I felt so many mixed emotions then. And yeah, I wanted him again. Wanted to feel more what sex was like with this stud. Instead, I stood up. “I better go,” I said.

He nodded. He stood up and walked me to the door. “Let me know if you’d like help finding another trainer,” he said with resignation.

I knew he was giving me an out. For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to take it. “I don’t want another trainer, Austin,” I said, frustration in my voice. “You’re good at what you do. I just need some boundaries.”

“I get it, Scott,” he said. “See you at the gym.”

I was actually hyperventilating when I get to my car. I didn’t start it right away though. Instead, I thought about what would happen if I’d let the conversation go the other way. “Fuck!” I grunted aloud to myself, then opened the car door.

Austin was surprised as hell when he answered the door and saw me there. I gathered my courage while I had it and stepped inside, shutting the door and then turning to him. ‘

“God,” he hissed, so turned on now that he realized what was going on. We met in a kiss, more heated than the one in the hotel room. It was like the several weeks had led to the pent-up lust that came pouring out. My first time with Austin had felt strange and unfamiliar, and in a way I was glad to have that behind me.

I got down in front of him, crouching right there. He was hard for me already, fully hard, and I could see that thick tool riding up into a tent of his sweats. He helped me pull off his sweats and with a goofy grin he hooked his thumbs in his waistband to pull it over his dong.

"I didn't get a look the last time," I said then looked up into his eyes. "I didn't think I'd get into a guy's dick like this."

"But you do...?" Austin clarified.

"Maybe because of the fine man it's attached to... but yeah." I looked at his cock again, thrilled to see it firm and pointing straight up. He wasn't giant but he was hung, and there was just something so beautiful about his erection. I looked back up into his face, where I saw happiness, excitement and thrill.

My hand touched his hard quad muscle and that’s all the signal he needed. He lined up his prick to my lips. "I’ve been thinking about this a lot, Mr. D," he whispered hoarsely.

I had been thinking a lot about this too. “Will sex get in the way of the friendship thing?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Fuck no, Scott." Then. “Come on, pretty please, man. Suck me.”

I breathed in his scent, then leaned in. "Ohhh," he grunted as I began sucking him.

I didn't know what I was doing last time. I still didn't. But I knew I was better at this, and I could read in Austin's voice and body that he was crazy turned on. I was learning my suit was part of the thrill for him and the whole "exec" type I represented to him.

I pulled off and enjoyed the sight of his engorged cock, twitching and wet with my spit. Not far from shooting.

"When you feel ready, just come in my mouth, OK?" I asked.

He nodded like he couldn't believe what was happening. That made me want to give it my all. I took about four inches into my mouth, making it five as I bobbed up and down furiously. My gag reflex didn't kick in, which I was grateful for. I'd missed this, missed the feel and act of a cock in my mouth. Missed making another man cum.

Austin's load was big. It took me by surprise and I coughed a little before I remembered what he did last time. I pulled back so the prick head spurted on my tongue. I don't know if that felt best for Austin, but I decided I loved that part. I tasted and swallowed him, in a couple of rounds, till the poor guy was spent.

"Let me do you," he urged.

I was horny but self conscious. I unzipped my suit as Austin got between my legs, running his hands along the fabric. "I'm not hung you like I'm afraid."

"I love your cock," he said. Then looking up in my eyes, he added. "For real, Scott. Everything about you turns me on." He leaned in for a kiss and I met him. A part of me wanted to avoid the kissing thing but I decided oral sex was a bigger issue. Besides, I wanted this. I kissed Austin back.

His soft kiss, full of gentle tongue, got me rock hard and leaking. He smirked as he pulled back and saw my dick poking up hard out of the open fly. "You're hard as steel," he said. "I love it."

I watched as he got down and started going down on me. I guess I didn't have a lot of length, and Austin managed to work the whole length with lots of spit and lots of suction. Kelly very occasionally gave me head, but it was nothing like this.

"Buddy!" I gasped. Warning him.

He moaned around my cock. This was the first time I'd blasted in another man's mouth since college. But this was night and day different. This was Austin.

He was more talkative after we uncoupled. "Damn, that was incredible," Austin laughed. I realized I missed his laugh and his smile. I missed laidback, happy Austin.

He made himself presentable again and offered me something to drink. I took some water.

"Trust me, Scott," he assured me. "I'm not going to do anything to mess up anything for you at home. But I'm so fucking grateful for that."

"I'm glad," I said. "I've been thinking about the sex for the last three weeks."

"I wasn't sure..." he said. He looked at his watch. "Listen, you're gonna be late for the club. And I probably need a nap before my evening sessions."

I stood up. I found getting off had eased my mood, and I was still processing how good Austin's blowjob had felt. "I'm being greedy," I said. "But maybe I can get away sometime this weekend. That is, if you wanna?"

"Hell yeah, I wanna," he said softly. And with a new confidence he stepped up to me to kiss me. He ran his hands up along the lapels of my coat. “And maybe you can wear your suit for me again sometime.”

[moonkissedvisions]

Hi there! I don't know if you answer asks or not but her goes: I happened to randomly come across your post about your uncle. I'm an Anuradha moon, Mula Sun and Pushya Rising and yes I feel like many times I feel so strongly about things that they happen not in a good way though. Idk how or what this is but it's not controlled (unfortunately). Very recently I had a crush on a guy who is totally unattainable..... I thought about him so much and a few months later one of my classmates met his best friend and they're now good friends. She also introduced my classmate to his other friend circle. Turns out he's in a relationship though so oops... But that's the thing I never thought of him like "oh he'll be my bf kinda way" and I constantly put myself down thinking there was no way I'd be able to even see him from afar. Lol and look what that brought on me- I have to hear my classmate talk about his friends and him. 😪🥲

So yeah that was my story. Why do I feel like us Anuradha natives keep hurting ourselves over relationships. Claire Nakti did mention in her videos the Cindrella trope associated with Anuradha idk if it'll ever happen to me though. Anyway thanks for giving me a space to rant. I just felt like finally found someone who would understand. ❤

Hi there. :) Firstly, no problem at all. 🩷🩷🩷 I just wanted to say that I can relate to your story. I have Saturn in the first house conjunct my ascendant, and it happened to me that I attracted a guy I liked, but hesitated too much to make a move. After all the synchronicities and signs, I found out that he was already in a relationship with someone (he met her way after he met me) and I even HELPED other women get together with him after he was single, with good intentions and everything. It's like I served everyone, but me. It makes me think about how I have no problem putting others before myself in such situations, and in other cases too. I feel that this is especially true for Saturn-dominant people in general.

Anuradha is a particularly friendly and considerate nakshatra, diplomatic and loyal. And while I don't know your gender, I know men with this nakshatra who are true gentlemen and Saturn women who are the type to help everyone and do a lot of things for them, being extremely submissive and passive. This is not necessarily bad!! It's also common for Saturn people to not feel sure about certain things and hesitate to get what they want straightforwardly. They often struggle to make decisions in many areas of their lives. In the end, Saturn is exalted in Libra, and Saturn people strive to restore and maintain the balance of everything, and of Karma.

No placement is a curse, though. I think if Saturn people struggle with relationships is due to the things I mentioned above, NOT because they are meant to struggle in relationships or any aspect of their lives at all. When Saturn people set their minds to a goal, they are highly disciplined and persistent until they achieve it. They are responsible among many other things. They are also the type to say "Today I will get this done" or "This year I will accomplish this" and succeed. Mantras and affirmations are especially powerful for you so I would consider this, and also keep focusing on your goals, serving others, and being how you are. Although this case may have been disappointing to you, I still believe you are doing a good job just the way you are. 🩷✨

Remember that Saturn is a planet that may take time to favor you. It promises to bless you eventually, while it teaches you to be a responsible person, restrict, and persevere. I think you acknowledged your placements and how they play out in your life very well!

Well, my message is to recognize the good qualities of your astrological chart and use them in your favor. Seek to understand the nature of Saturn more, focus on your strengths, and give credit to yourself often. I do get your concerns but trust me ;) there is no curse here and you didn't do anything wrong. Let's celebrate the good things and see all of what you do right instead of putting yourself down. You can correct your mistakes and improve yourself without putting energy into negative self-talk, overthinking, and anxiety. Also, take care of your health to prevent those issues.🫀

Lastly, think about how Anuradha is a devoted friend, a selfless lover, and a compassionate and empathetic person in general. Recognize your discipline and focus. My uncle, besides knocking down a wall, 😭 was able to successfully work in a variety of fields and he was always at the service of others, bringing them together and serving as a mediator. He was the peacemaker in my family when it was needed. I consider him a great teacher and counselor as well. He married late but he is so happy in his marriage and I suspect they are both Saturnians.

I sincerely hope that my response has been helpful! Don't hesitate to ask again if you need it. Although I'm not a professional, I take pleasure in answering your questions.

Anyway, you got this!! Believe in yourself and your path. 💋💋💋

[nhaneh]

Trying to imagine how the conversation might go when Kea tells Y'Shtola that we'll effectively be helping to determine the next ruler of Tural. I think up to now the Scions have been avoiding taking explicit political action. The closest we've gotten was in Stormblood when we helped Doma and Ala Mhigo free themselves from Imperial control. Dawntrail is a member of the royal family saying 'Hello, I am Wuk Lamat. The Dawnservant is planning on stepping down and has given us permission to choose other people to help us fight to become the next leader of Tural'

"Kea, dearest... are you certain of this?", Y'shtola's voice came cautiously, hesitant - a far cry from her regular air of certainty.

"I don't see why not - she seems nice enough, and her heart's in the right place.", Kea shrugged. A friend of a friend had asked for help, and Krile had a mystery she wanted solved. Sounded like the start of a good adventure.

"Still, we Scions have sought to remain politically neutral for a reason..."

"All the better to uphold the fiction that we've disbanded, no?"

"--Not to mention how it might open the floodgates for people to swarm you with petitions that you support this or that agenda."

"You know well as I that already happens, love." It felt like they were dancing around the topic at hand, rather than just taking it head-on... and Kea was pretty sure Y'shtola knew it, too. "Come now, what is it that's actually bothering you?"

Y'shtola paused, looking intently at her, before finally continuing. "...I worry that we may come to act cross purpose. Opposed."

Kea frowned. She couldn't deny that the possibility had occurred to her - as an Adventurer, it was inevitable to sometimes find yourself on the opposite side of some of your fellows, sometimes even friends, by sheer circumstance. Though the risk for it happening was far less with her fellow Scions...

"I suppose it'd be down to whose convictions are strongest...", Kea breathed, almost more to herself.

"Kea...", Y'shtola's voice carried that 'please take this seriously' expression perfectly without Kea even needing to look up to see it.

"I mean it.", but that was the thing - she was serious. Most Adventurers she knew, including herself, had found themselves in fights they didn't want, against opponents they didn't wish any harm upon.

It was a lot like two matched predators meeting in the wild, having an elaborate dance gauging each other's strengths and weaknesses, neither necessarily able to afford a straight up fight, but also neither necessarily willing to yield. As much as it might look like conflict, it was more of a negotiation to avoid one.

"I trust you to do what you believe is right. Even... even if that might see us pursuing opposing goals. I don't want to fight you, Shtola - I love you, more than anything. But if neither of us can convince each other with words alone... what can we do but to let our actions, and our convictions, speak for us?"

Kea wasn't sure what it might take for her to sway Y'shtola once she had truly set her mind on something, nor what it might take for Y'shtola to convince her in similar circumstances... but she was certain it would have to be something weighed in actions, rather than words.

"If one person can remain as they are despite their heart and mind acting in opposition... can our hearts not remain aligned even should our goals diverge?"

And if I were to fall astray, there is none I would rather trust to help me find my way.

Y'shtola let out a sigh, and a laugh, gently shaking her head. "I trust you realize I would not hold back, were it to come to that."

"Of course", Kea replied with a grin. "I'd feel a mite disappointed if you did."

[gracegrove]

Whether you're talking about a fictional character (Billy) or an actual person...

How can you say, "I don't think his abusive, racist, misogynistic behavior would have improved with time--because he didn't see it as a problem. You have to want to change."

How did you know he didn't want to change? Why are you so damn certain he's incapable of change? He's literally only 18 and has the rest of his entire life to change. You think he's honestly gonna sit there and be like, "nah this is fine. I'm set. I like everything just the way it is." And never once contemplate or attempt a change.

Every person attempts change on some level. Not everyone makes big ground shaking changes. Not everyone gets to a point that is satisfactory to others. That's not the point.

When you are around real people and/or work with real people and use this language guess what happens? It makes them feel incapable. It feels undermining. It helps solidify and corner them into a box they may not want to necessarily stay or be in.

I've worked with clients with records. Clients who've said outright sexist and bigoted things in front of me and at times directed towards me. But I continued to work with them. Guess why? Because if I were to leave in that instance, I'd only be proving a point. A single point. That again there's this giant narrative of "no one believes in you", "you clearly don't want help", "you're irredeemable", etc.

You don't kick someone when they're already down and then say, "gosh well, you don't even wanna get back up do you? You have to really want it?" Why should they want it or try harder when they're expecting more people like you to kick them right back to the floor again. Google "labeling theory", it might be helpful.

There's an therapeutic approach called Motivational Interviewing, and its main tenant is that change is facilitated by and comes from the client alone. It helps a client who is already well aware of people around them telling them to change, or societal expectations, or maybe more simply they have considered personally making changes themselves whether it's something like smoking cessation, substance use /harm reduction, emotional management, or wanting to make other behavioral changes but they haven't because they're not sure what such a change would mean or look like in their lives. So they sit on the fence. They become ambivalent.

The only job the therapist has in this is to help the client lay all this out. To discuss it and weigh each side. To examine what making changes or no changes would mean. Ultimately the goal is to help the client reach a state of active change. So that the client can begin new parts of their life and continue moving forward. But if someone isn't ready, then they're not and that's also ok.

If you immediately shut down on a fictional character because their story wasn't insightful enough for you to glean any empathy that they were capable of change, how do you or will you tolerate the overall change process that real people have? Because it's an arduous one. It takes time, it doesn't sprout up overnight. And half of it is because those people themselves were repeatedly told that they couldn't change either.

So stop contributing to the ambivalence or the stagnancy and start contributing to the change.

[bil-daddy]

Mr bildad the shuhite, I need some advice. What do I do when that familiar overwhelming sadness washes over me? Ive been feeling horribly depressed lately, even though I have no real reason to be. I do talk to my friends abt this, but I dont want to talk abt my mental state ONLY and drive them away, so I refrain from talking abt it too much even tho it feels like it will drown me, because I am too afraid of seeming clingy.

Its been getting worse lately, and all I can do is distract myself from it. Ive been excessively sleeping just to not.. feel. I dont know what to do, nor do I know how to not feel this way

I made myself a nice breakfast, and it felt good. And then the feeling came back, like a drip drip drip from the leaking faucet of my mental health I cant control. I am scared. I am so scared

Sorry if this ask wasnt what u were expecting, or if u cant help me either, thats completely fine. I just needed to share somehow how scared I am. Of myself, what I feel I dont know

I dont know. I just dont know

Best wishes,

Anon❤️

*shows up one month late carrying six shots of espresso in a big cup to answer this ask*

It's taken me a while to respond to this because 1) I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself and 2) I haven't figured out a solution yet.

I do have some ideas, though.

You were on the right track, making yourself a nice breakfast. Little things like that make a bigger difference than you think. In fact, I think we should all try to live in the little moments as much as we can. Sometimes, when you're feeling depressed but can't point at a reason in your own life, it's because you're reacting to large scale problems that, while very real, are out of your control--and you know this, and so you feel depressed and scared because there's nothing you can do.

But there is something you can do.

Do at least one thing nice for yourself everyday as part, even if it's something really small. Especially something really small. Listen to your favourite song. Eat a piece of chocolate, just because. Play with a pet, if you have one.

And, if you're up to it, do at least one nice thing for someone else, too. Help your parents with the chores. Call a grandparent and brighten their day. Send a kind message to a friend.

Because you should keep on talking to your friends. The right friends will be honoured you've opened up to them. Listen to your friends, too. They might be going through things to, and being a comfort to them might in turn make you feel better, as well. Being part of a community, even if it's just a small group of friends--or even a group of two--can really help. Having you a sense of purpose, belonging, and importance is part of what makes people people.

Sleeping a lot isn't necessarily bad. Ive done that myself (for totally normal amounts of time, definitly not entire century or anything) Sometimes, your body and your mind just needs the rest. But if you feel like you're sleeping too much, then you probably need something exciting to be awake for.

It might be time to try out a new hobby, start a new TV show or book, take a class, or set a new goal that you can work towards a little bit every day. The mind craves new experiences and challenges. If everything's been the same for a while, depression can set in simply due to boredom.

However, there could just as easily be other causes, which are worth looking into with a therapist and a psychiatrist, if you want to try the medical route--and it is worth a try with persistent depression.

It sounds to me like you also have some anxiety about having depression, since it scares you (and rightfully so, it is scary) that you can feel it coming on and that you can't control it. For that, in addition to what I've already mentioned above, I'd suggest thinking about it differently. Instead of leaking faucet you're desperately trying to shut off, let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling*

(*safely and within reason--don't harm yourself or others)

Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let it out.

Sometimes, the sadness we fear feeling ends up not being as bad as the fear of it. You might feel relieved, once you're no longer bottling everything up and sleeping/distracting yourself to avoid feeling sad. As cliche as a it is, the only way out is through.

Have an ox rib (platonic) for the journey. You can do it.

[gear-project]

Annon-Guy: Continuation of Artificial Life Discussion.

How would you classify A.B.A., Ramlethal, Noel and Es than? (Ram and Es' stories especially move me and touches a lot as they develop their emotions and humanity, being more human than Ariels and Unomaru could ever be.)

Ram, Noel and Es get treated badly by antagonists as I said and that's despicable in my honest opinion, which is nice that Sin, Ragna and Touya accepted them. Even Sol had to admit he was wrong about Ramlethal, Elphelt and Jack-O' not having real emotions.

Even though A.B.A didn't face such prejudice and considers herself superior, she still is alive like anyone, learning as life goes on.

It may just be me looking on the bright side of things, me wanting to accept people regardless of race/species or just being a brave reckless fool, but that's ultimately how I roll as I like to think that way. Such a thing is even brought up with robots from Mega Man Archie compared to artificial life forms like a certain black hedgehog that Sonic respects.

That's how I'd feel if anything like a Valentine, Homunculus, Prime Field or Embryo Storage. Of they did evil, I'd stand against them, but of they're a good person, I'd be their friend.

It'd be no different from anyone of our own race. I understand if you feel different, but that's how I feel.

Following up on your previous ask (had to take a break from last time):

A.B.A. already states that she is not Human, and that is of no concern to her, mostly because Humans are little more than a trifle in her eyes.

It's not necessarily that she ENTIRELY looks down on Humans, so much that she has beliefs and confidence in herself that trancends that concern.

Fitting in with Humans isn't as important to her as making an impact on existence on her own merits would be, in other words.

Moving right along, we'll mention Ramlethal and Elphelt here… Bedman goes out of his way to state that despite how Ramlethal was raised, she is just a normal human girl. And even Slayer says that Ramlethal was a mere child blessed with unnatural gifts that the world barely has any right to judge. The same could be said of Elphelt.

Also it is not that any of them didn't face prejudice… all of them did, even if it wasn't obvious or apparent.

Humans are very quick to fear what they don't understand… A.B.A. included.

Now, to touch on characters like Es, Noel, and even The Origin… a lot of their story isn't entirely told, but the parts that are tell us that they did what they could to live as Human as they possibly could.

Noel enjoyed living among Humans, even had a family, a mother and a father… and both parents still loved Noel and trusted in her to make the right choices in life.

That's called unconditional love. And it reflects Noel's determination to save everyone around her who suffers from their situations.

All the more reason why Mu-12 felt so betrayed when she fell in to Izanami's trap in Central Fiction's events. It took Ragna himself to rescue her from that fate, and Ragna wasn't even aiming for Mu-12 as his final goal on a list of people he wanted to save!

Of all the distorted feelings they faced, only Ragna truly understood the situation more than anyone else… forgoing his own wishes, forgoing his own feelings, he sought to save everyone, even if it meant denying everyone of their dreams (at first).

Es's situation was bound by an indeterminate possibility, one that she could not foresee until Ragna fulfilled his purpose. It took Ragna and Naoto Kurogane's actions to fix Es's future to a degree as well.

Setting all that aside for a moment, understand that Boundary Contact Mediums weren't INTENDED to be Human at the outset… and yet, because they observed aspects of the Boundary, BECAME HUMAN… whether Humans wanted to admit that or not!

Embryo Storage (ES) was part of that fate… even if she had an artificial beginning… she became Human after all was said and done.

The same was true of Valentines, as well as a certain MERCILESS APOCALYPSE…even Ariels "became" Human!

What makes people Human isn't necessarily their biochemistry, genetics, gender, or their family heritages… it's the fact they develop a Heart, a Will, a Spirit, and a Mind of their own that is meant to be respected and acknowledged.

Perhaps it is true that the previous generation of Humans have a limited understanding of what it MEANS to be Human… but that's true of anyone who hasn't studied the Human Heart or Human Spirit.

You have to make contact with other people to even begin to understand them.

[bluerose5]

[sticks leg out] may we see ur warden(s)/custom hawke(s)/inquisitor(s)

and if u feel like it how would any of them fare if dropped into Faerun (with or without Fenris/Zev)

Ohhh don't get me started!

Garrett Hawke, my beloved, although I hc him as elf-blooded. Ironic enough, in Thedas, "half-elf" or "half-blood" is used as an insult iirc, so imagine his expression to hear people use the term half-elf so casually in Faerûn. Just a little aside.

For him, he is your typical purple mage Hawke, so I'd definitely say he'd bring that type of energy to Faerûn, no matter what time in his life he's in. He'd be excited as fuck to be in a place where he can use his magic openly without worry, and he would take the adventure in stride, even while he's screaming on the inside. (Still, none of this is as bad as Kirkwall in his opinion. 😆) Somehow gets everyone to fall for him without even trying. Not his first merry band of bi/pan misfits that he's had to deal with.

Then, there is HIM.

Darrian Tabris. My Warden. My Warden-Inquisitor. Love of my life. My angry rebel. The Dark Wolf himself! I djdbdhsbdfkf 😍💖💞💖💞

Sorry, but he was a character I loved writing so much. Maybe I'll return to his story one day, but my energy has been more devoted to one shots and shorter works these days. It just suits my current habits and lifestyle better than going full multichap.

Darrian is a rogue/mage multiclass thanks to my setup on pc where I utilized the game's console commands and such. He's faced a lot of hardship in the Alienage and puts his people (elves and mages) first. He's also not above using less than savory means of achieving his goal (ex. the power of blood is a badass concept, coating his blades in his tainted blood to seriously fuck up his enemies, this is one of my favorites). He's also not above committing crime to get what he wants, but he grows into being a leader. In one AU I have, he even serves at Alistair's side as king (a poly relationship in this one). He also becomes Inquisitor and demolishes the status quo by encouraging rebellion where he can, so there's that too. 😂

So, with that in mind, how does he fare in Faerûn? Probably thinks it's too cushy compared to Thedas. His temper is his biggest flaw because he's so damn passionate that anything that angers him can set him off. Will be ready to fistfight any oppressive gods or former masters at the drop of a hat because he values freedom above all else. Could probably take Cazador out on his own ngl 💀

And of course Zevran was his romance (surprise, surprise). I don't think they'd necessarily act different around each other in Faerûn, but Zevran’s opinion would hold a lot of weight for him.

Also, semi-related, but I have so much art commissioned of these two. I didn't have my thoughts organized for this post at all so if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask.

[likegemstone]

i'm finally making that writing/art group I was talking about

Ever feel like every time you try to share your writing and/or art online you are just shouting into the void? Or maybe more accurately, shouting into a room full of people who are all talking to each other but don't seem to notice you? Is having your work seen by others simultaneously your greatest desire and your greatest fear? Mine too~

Community is so fricken important, especially to creatives and the creative process. Surrounding myself with creative people who encourage, support, and celebrate each other is a really big goal of mine. So, I'm starting a lil discord server in the hopes of cultivating that kind of community.

I want it to be a really positive, welcoming, and helpful space for creatives of all kinds (with a focus on writers and artists because that's what I know best, but by no means limited to that!), so I was hoping anyone who is interested in joining could help me get it up and going by giving their thoughts and suggestions on what goes on in the community (and also probably helping me actually set up the discord server bc I've only made a few very very simple, small servers in the past).

(I should also go ahead and mention that this server/group will be only for people 18 and up because I am just not currently comfortable being in any way responsible for minors, sorry!!! Oh, and also no ai art)

These are my ideas so far:

The emphasis for the server should be to encourage, inspire, connect with, and support other creatives, meaning it will be encouraged for people to engage with each others work, both on the server and also on other platforms where the work is posted

I have a personal pet peeve with unsolicited advice, so there can be specific channels where people post their work when they want critiques, and on the other channels the expectation would just be to leave your reactions to the work, not criticisms

I'd like for there to be regular "check-in" kind of things, almost like group meetings but more flexible because people will likely be in many different time zones and won't necessarily be able to make a specific time. The check-ins could be maybe once a week? And there could be one for writing and one for art (on different days I think). During the check-ins we could share a bit of our WIPs (will probably have to put a word limit on the writing) and maybe have a discussion topic for that week or something. Idk I just want it to be a time where we try to come together and actively discuss and engage and stuff, to really build the sense of community

Also different channels where people can talk about things like world-building and art styles and healthy habits for creating and things like that!

That's kinda all the ideas I have right now, please please comment/reply to this post if you have any suggestions and/or you want to join the group!

Also please reblog so more people see this~

Gem <3

[boundlss]

on: the striker problem.

i don't have a bio for this guy yet and even if i did my bios are hilariously barren so i figured i'd make a post detailing my canon divergences and. um. WHY i'm canon divergent in that way. everyone take my hand ...

hey albatross what's wrong with striker?

great question albatross. helluva boss sort of has a villain problem in general where they want their villains to be threats but don't necessarily want to let them change the status quo too much or become too developed as characters. for most of the villains this is fine since they were introduced as comedic (the CHERUBs, DHORKS, tbh even crimson to some extent altho he really shouldn't have been) however. how ever.

striker falls into the category of helluva villain where he's introduced as someone who is a legitimate serious character with like well rounded motivations and goals, and above all that he's a villain that our protagonists don't BEAT in his introduction. which is more than can be said for literally every other recurring antagonist IMP deal with.

the problem comes after this. western energy is um... okay? ish. i liked most things about him in this episode but it's not better than harvest moon festival, and it's really inconsistent to his character in his first appearance at times. "oops" on the other hand is a nightmare episode that striker is literally barely relevant to and everything he was set up to be is completely trampled all over because fuck me for being invested in the things he was setting up i guess.

so what does this actually mean in terms of what's wrong with striker? great question albatross. what's wrong with striker is he's simultaneously supposed to be a pretty big threat but he's ALSO just being shoved into comedic plots and getting his ass beat all the time which is super tonally dissonant and i don't fuck with it.

that's so cool albatross thanks for that four paragraphs of yapping nobody read. what are the canon divergencies?

yet another slam fuckin dunk in the questions department albatross. i think i'm going to put this one in list format because i like myself and value my own sanity. this is chronological.

striker does not get hired by stella to kill stolas the SECOND TIME the first time he still does this is about in WESTERN ENERGY. this has more to do with my stella's canon divergencies but striker does this of his own accord because he assumes stella and andrealphus will turn a blind eye, which they consider doing before ultimately deciding, unfortunately, that they need stolas to remain alive and threaten striker to force him to back down. otherwise western energy is more or less the same.

he does not appear literally at all in "oops". crimson can have some goons surprise blitzø and fizz i don't care but this is a hard line for me in my portrayal of striker. he didn't show up there.

that's honestly genuinely it for plot divergencies. also some other minor things that are tweaked in terms of personality details and little non-chronological things:

striker is not as egotistical as presented. he was playing up his own confidence to piss moxxie off because he didn't like moxxie, but he's not the type to get a giant statue of himself. he's confident but not THAT confident.

also this is less divergence and more just me expanding on his motivations but in general striker wants to kill a goetia to rile up hell's imps and generally "lesser" species about the mistreatment they all face pretty often.

this is also more just me expanding on things but he grew up a ranch hand so he's very much a horse guy he's just more subtle about it than some people.

anyway those are my notes on striker and the striker problem yeehaw and goodnight. < not actually going to sleep