#(I'LL GO TO BED PROBABLY I'M JUST THINKING.)

[elsa-fogen]

Yep. Yeah. That's me. Almost all of it, except, i sleep well (if i manage to fall asleep) Reblogging because maybe some of you didn't know (i also didn't know)

Story time!

Too long don't read: used to sleep on private math lessons because i hate math; it takes hours for me to fall asleep WHEN I SUPPOSED TO, and my sister does it in 3-5 minutes.

I was studying at university and we had MATH there I've always had problems with it. since 5th grade i think (well, i hated math before too but real problems started there) when i changed schools and the new class was behind what I've already studied and i didn't pay attention, until i realized that at some point I was behind. I said "welp, i guess it's to late to try, so fuck it"

So at university we had this very high level math and i just couldn't understand a thing (and we had an awful teacher who was saying evvvvery time something like "yall getting expelled, we're all gonna die") so i decided "if i don't understand, fuck it then, i will not even try" and started skipping math classes.

But i STILL had to pass an exam, we were getting 3 tries and if you fail you're getting expelled. I failed first two what a surprise (i don't know how i managed to pass it after all, i can't remember SHIT, only that i is fucking non-existing number which is square root of -1. Why on earth would you need it i have NO fucking clue.

So i had personal teachers who tried to make me understand at least something to pass the exam. And there was one i remember very well, i even remember that we paid her 10$ per hour (for us that was quite a lot). And i remember her because i was SLEEPING. I just COULDN'T keep my eyes opened. She explains something about deviding by zero and my brain draws the fucking universe collapsing in front of my eyes. She gives me some task, I'm trying to write something and I'm falling asleep and DREAMING about writing, then ahe wakes me up and i see that i didn't write SHIT. It all ended when in the middle of lesson she just kicked me out.

And, what a miracle, I'm leaving her apartments and suddenly, all the sleepiness just wanishes! I'm walking home, thinking about some another AU of mine, roleplaying it with myself in my head, full of energy again.

That's not the only case of this, but it's the strongest i ever felt. But that like happens all the time, EVEN WHEN MY MOM OR MY GRANNY COMES TO ME AND START TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING I'M NOT INTERESTED, IM YAWNING AND FEEL URGE TO FALL ASLEEP. But the moment they leave, It goes away! I was calling it work allergy LMAO

I was diagnosed with adhd in my early childhood (there was also something about epilepsy, but it's ok now so it doesn't matter), not long ago i brought this fact back into my active memory (thanks to Jaiden animations ADHD video for that xD) i kinda used to myself by now and now I'm trying to catch and analyse all moments of adhd kicking in. I know my own tricks and buttons, how to make myself do the thing or just how to force myself into doing something. Because i know if i start, I'll probably lock in and won't get up until it's done (well, if i have at least a tiny bit of interest in that thing, or else i won't), and i hate it when someone interrupts me in the middle of the process. No mom, i can't come right now, i can't finish it later, because i either spend few more hours forcing myself to go back to the task or just forget about it.

But i didn't know that this sleepiness was a legit symptom! I just thought that it's exaderated boredom, that's it, had a joke name for it. That's... Funny to know that this thing is actually also adhd moment.

Also, about sleeping. I have problems falling asleep. I may lie in the bed for hours without even my phone, just rotating my stories in my head, and when i don't have a story to think about, this is just the name of my current hyperfixation with different tones and in different random dialogues that doesn't even make sense. I have no idea how to fall asleep, except when i didn't sleep for like 48 hours (EVEN THEN IT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM AND I START THINKING OF THAT CREEPY PRION SICKNESS AND SCARE MYSELF AGAIN). And my mom told me that it have always been like that with me. She and my dad had the whole ritual to make me fall asleep. Dad would hold me in his arms, his head with me covered with a blanket that i could only see his face (or else I would look everywhere and never fall asleep), and rock me for HOURS while i was SCREAMING and CRYING the whole time like i was tortured. But when I'd finally fall asleep, they could be as loud as usual and didn't have to whisper, because wake me up is a whole different story. And my mom was SHOCKED when all it took to make my sister fall asleep was just pet her back for 3-5 minutes.

I don't think of myself as... Sick or ill. That's how i was all my life, i don't know anything else. That's not a sickness to me, that's just part of my personality. Maybe sometimes some parts of it bite me in the ass and make my life harder, but i don't know other life. That's the only one I've got, and i guess I'm fine with that (tho now that i think about it, i need to pay more attention to how i write the characters, and don't make them all ADHDshers LOL i need to study neurotypical people under a microscope 🔬🔍)

bro im gonna CRY i didnt know this 🥺

[yikesmary]

options — choi seungcheol x reader

summary: where cheol tries his best to make sure your pregnancy cravings are satisfied—by buying what seems to be the whole convenience store

notes: this can be seen as a pt. 2 to this one shot I wrote back in June of last year (I did not know it's been that long since that has been posted wtf), but it can also be seen as a standalone. I got a burst of inspiration suddenly, so enjoy the one shot! <3

disclaimer: I am not pregnant, so whatever I write about pregnancy is through pure guessing, and also, if I decide to google it! so yeah :)

masterlist

"Did you leave any food for the other customers who might want to eat tonight?" you asked in amusement, watching Seungcheol put what seemed like the fifth plastic bag filled with food from the convenience store onto the table.

"Well, you kept on texting me things the baby might want, so I decided to get everything you've been craving and maybe some things that might work," Seungcheol explained, a bit out of breath from how many times he had to go back and forth.

"Baby, don't you think this is a bit too much? I don't even think baby girl will want a fourth of these," you said, rubbing your pregnant belly.

Ever since you and Seungcheol found out you were pregnant, he had become an even more attentive husband, if possible. He had insisted that you were not allowed to lift a single finger throughout your pregnancy, saying that you shouldn't get tired.

You had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? He would wake up the second you called his name, helping you from the bed and waiting outside the bathroom to make sure you didn't fall in or something (it had happened once, and Seungcheol was both worried and amused at the time). You were hungry? Seungcheol was already ordering something from a food delivery app or cooking one of the doctor-approved dishes that he taught himself to make.

He also made sure all of your pregnancy cravings were satisfied, which was why you've found yourself with what must've been the entire convenience store stock in your home. "So where do we start?" you asked, watching as he brought out a ton of different food out of the bags—chips, samgak (and regular) kimbap, ramen packs, and even ice cream from the bags.

"We should probably see if baby wants the already made food, and the ice cream can be a dessert?" He suggested, but you were already eyeing up your favorite ice cream from even before you got pregnant.

Seungcheol saw that you were looking at the ice cream and without fail, gave it to you before going to the freezer in order to put the rest in so they don't melt. "Thank you," you grinned, a mouthful of ice cream, which made him shake his head in endearment.

"Here, smell this," he said, giving you an open bag of chips.

You looked at him weirdly, yet smelled it. "It smells... like chips?" you said and smelt it one more time just to be sure.

"Does the baby want this?" He asked.

"Oh, not really," you shook your head, and he closed up the chip bag and proceeded to grab another bag, presumably to do the same.

"This one?" Seungcheol asked, giving you what looked like the last item, which was a cup tteokbokki.

"Oh, yeah!" You excitedly said.

"Really?!"

"No, I just wanted to make you happy, but the baby's really not liking it," you sighed.

Seungcheol sighed, which made you feel guiltier, as he had bought all of this food, and it was nothing you were currently craving. "I'm so sorry, Cheol. Maybe I can eat something—" you were saying as you were picking up a package of sweet bread, but quickly dropped it once the smell hit your nose.

"No, you shouldn't have to force yourself to eat if you don't like it. It's not your fault our daughter might just be the pickiest eater ever. I'll just bring all of this to practice tomorrow and the guys can eat all of it," Seunghceol shrugged.

You still felt guilty, which he must've seen by the look on your face, which prompted him to grab you gently so he could give you a hug. "Maybe there's something in the fridge?" He suggested, holding your hand and using his thumb to caress the back of your hand.

You thought about it for a moment before releasing Seungcheol's hand, to which he pouted when you did and walked towards the refrigerator. You looked through the fridge, but nothing caught your eye.

Until a bright orange Tupperware lid caught your attention and you grabbed it. Once you opened it, you looked at Seungcheol sheepishly. "I found something to eat.." you said.

Seungcheol stood up walked over to you and looked at the Tupperware. "Isn't this the japchae Mingyu and Jun made?" he asked, and you nodded.

"I guess I'm gonna have to ask them to make you japchae every time you crave it. Or learn it myself,"

taglist: taglist: @belladaises @winterpaos @minhui896 @baekhyunimochibbh @x-alightinthedark @whywontyousetfree @coffeesandrains @slaveofmydreams @bmkgemz @dandycharmer @outrologist @stagefrjghts @dahliatopia @exo-saranghajaaa @uhlatcha @watermelon-sugars-things @miniminimingi @venzline @withloveyjh @lockburn-castle @userjunhuii @mypsychicpizzaworld @violetvoo @maevadobreva @soonyoungblr @baekhyunstruly @ryusol @dunixxd @minhwa @ovai @scorpiobitch88 @icyminghao @cookiehaos @duskunt1ldawn

[thatdisasterauthor]

What I'm Going to do Going Forward

I think it is important to have clear goals right now, so here's mine:

I'm still going to get top surgery, but I talked to my original surgeon and got my deposit back. While I would love to stay with him, he is far more expensive than other options and I will now also be planning on getting my tubes tied, so I'll need money for that as well.

I am going to be focusing my activism efforts on emergency response and natural disasters. That is my niche, and that is where I feel I can do the most good. I will still lend my voice, signature, and vote to other causes, but my focus will be here.

I came up with an idea for a big project related to individual safety during disasters about a month back, and I'm going to do my best to get it out within a year. Don't want to talk about it too much just yet because it's still somewhat nebulous, but I'm super excited for it.

I'm still going to apply for a PhD in Emergency Management next year. If the program I want isn't getting funded due to the issues we are now facing, I will still be doing my planned dissertation topic as a non-fiction book.

I'm going to be more active in fandoms, and probably write more fanfiction. Need my little dose of happy, and fandom has always been a good way for me to get it.

No more social media before bed. Just reading. And less social media that I can't filter as well (so less TikTok, less Reddit).

I am still going to publish my books (and I've got a handful ready to go!) but that may have to look different if it becomes too expensive to produce special editions out of the country, or produce physical editions in general. We'll just have to wait and see on this one, but one way or another there will be books!

[archangeldyke-all]

I JUST WATCHED ACT ONE AND HOLY SHIT

Do you think sevika likes biting? Like when other people do it? Because when I saw caitlyn doing it to her I could’ve sworn there was a smirk on sevikas face.

Anyway could you do like headcanons on this? If that’s okay. I love you❤️

oh i KNOW she likes biting AHAHHAAHAH

men and minors dni

really, nobody's been able to make you cum like sevika can. not even your trusty vibrator.

so, it's not surprising to you that you're always scratching up her back and leaving bite marks on her shoulders, but it is concerning.

you confront her about it early on in your relationship. both of you are naked and catching your breath in bed, sevika lazily smoking a cigarette and rubbing your back as you lay on top of her, your finger tracing the indent of your teeth on her breast.

"sevika... am i too rough with you?" you ask.

sevika chokes on her smokes, then sputters a laugh. "what're you talking about?!" she cackles.

"i'm always tearing your back up with my nails-- you've got, like scars on your shoulders now babe. and i worry that i'll draw blood one day, with my teeth or nails--"

"--okay, shut up." sevika cuts you off. you huff a bit and pinch her nipple, and sevika shivers and giggles. "baby. if you recall, i'm not exactly gentle with you, either. just fucked you like a bitch in heat, love, 'n 'm gonna have to lotion your ass from how much i was smacking it."

you suddenly feel bashful, sevika's casual discussion of the mindblowing sex you just had giving you butterflies. you bite her again, much more gently, now, right on the collarbone. "shush." you demand.

"what, you're shy now?" sevika teases. she takes a long drag off her cigarette before stubbing it out out and wrapping you up in her arms. "babe. i like it when you bite me. feels good to know i'm making you feel that good but... i also just like it. the feeling, and the bruises, 'n the way i get to show everyone you're fuckin' me... in fact, i'd like it if you did it even harder. 'n more. could probably cum in my pants from your teeth on my throat..." sevika admits, her voice trailing off and her eyes darting away from yours.

you chuckle and kiss her cheek. "who's shy now?"

sevika just smacks your ass.

so... you start biting her harder. in your time with sevika you've learned how to treat all kinds of wounds, so you aren't as hesitant as you might be to make her bleed. plus, sevika really fucking does love it.

she gets this excited little smirk going on her face when you start gnawing at her flesh, and when you finally really sink your teeth in (usually on her thighs, just a few inches away from her dripping cunt) she just melts. she whimpers and collapses against the bed and sometimes, if you're lucky, you can see her clit twitch in pleasure, despite the fact that you haven't touched her yet.

the first time she cums from it, it's an accident on your part.

you're at the last drop with her, drunk and grinding and making out sloppily in your little corner of the bar, and some woman across the room keeps eyeing her.

eventually, you pull away from her with a huff, smacking her shoulder a bit.

"w-what?" sevika asks, a little out of breath. you have to bite your lip to concentrate enough to get your words out, to resist the temptation of just kissing her again.

"d'you know her?" you ask, gesturing to the woman.

sevika quickly looks over her shoulder, a frown on her face. "w-who?"

"the bitch that's eyeing you like she's gonna be the one going home with you tonight." you growl.

a smile ticks up at the side of sevika's lips, and you scowl. "jealous, baby?"

"no. jealousy would be if you weren't mine. but you are. i'm possessive."

sevika's smile only grows, and she turns her back on her admirer to wrap her arms back around your waist. "i dunno her, love. even if i did, she'd be the last fuckin' thing on my mind tonight. first thing is your ass. second is your tongue. third and forth right here." sevika says as she squeezes your tits. you can't keep your giggles in.

"what about my teeth?" you tease.

sevika shudders, and before you know it, you're being pinned to a wall.

you groan in her mouth, wrapping one of your legs around her hips as she grinds against you. she shoves a hand under your shirt, groping your stomach and tits as you kiss.

you grab her lower lip between your teeth, and sevika freezes, hot little puffs of air hitting your face as she waits in anticipation for your next move.

you give her lip a soft nip before letting it go and ducking down to lick at her throat.

"ba-baby. please." sevika whines, her hips bucking against you in uncoordinated, sloppy little thrusts.

fuck. fuck. you don't have any real reason to worry, not when sevika's begging for your teeth in her throat. it's so hot it makes you dizzy, and you lose yourself for just a second as you clamp your teeth down into her flesh, hard.

sevika stiffens, squeaks, and then starts to shiver, her body collapsing against you and pinning you to the wall. you wrap your arms around her waist, groaning into her skin as she shivers against you.

"f-fuck!" sevika shouts. you pull away from her throat, blood and spit connecting your lips to her skin as you nuzzle her cheek. "fuck. fuck, i love you." sevika sighs.

you giggle, kissing her scars. "i love you, too, baby. can't believe you just came in your fuckin' pants for me."

sevika chuckles. "'s hot watching you get jealous, or possessive, or whatever." she says with a shrug. "'n i really fuckin' like your teeth."

you gently nip her cheek, then press your bloody lips to hers.

sevika moans at the taste.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke

[gingersnapwolves]

so I had some thoughts on the burnout post but didn't want to hijack it so this is just my own rambling attempt to process the feelings I've been struggling with for two days which obviously not everyone wants to read, thus my putting a read more

I've been crying off and on for the past couple days which is really no surprise, and I've been trying to avoid political news and political posts. In fact, after this I plan to hide the political tags for a while, heavily curate my Reddit experience, and then do I don't even know what with all my new free time

because I don't talk about it a lot here, this is my fandom space, my casual space, and I'll sometimes post about personal stuff but almost never politics, but I am actually very political. 'member of multiple political mailing lists, have marched in many protests, write postcards to swing state voters' political. and I want to talk a little about why this defeat feels different. because this crushed me in a way that 2016 did not.

the thing is. over the past few days I've seen a lot of people talking about how if you didn't realize Trump was going to win, you live in a bubble. and I think to a certain extent that's true. we all have our little echo chambers. but for me, at least, and a lot of the people I know, it wasn't just that. it was this core certainty that Trump would not win, could not win, because surely our country wasn't like that. surely our fellow Americans were not like that. it wasn't about competency or about policy. it was about basic human decency. and that's what I feel like we lost. not an election. but any remaining belief we had that people are basically good.

because it seems they're not. at least not around here. the cold hard fact at the end of the day is that the majority of our country looked at a senile, racist, fascist criminal grifter [eta: how could I forget rapist in that description?] and either actively wanted him to hold the highest office in the land, or just didn't care whether or not he did. they know exactly what he's going to do, and they're fine with it. and that hurts so much that it is nearly unbearable.

how do you move on from that? how do you cope with the fact that there's something so deeply rotten at the core of your fellow man? how do you deal with that? how do you fight back?

I am full of so much grief that I literally don't know where to put it.

so I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired. I'm nauseated. I'm angry. But most of all, I'm sad. I can't do it right now. and I think that's probably okay. I think in six weeks or six months I'll feel differently. but right now I just can't do it. and I think the most important thing really can be to take a step back and focus on something else. because I know these feelings are not productive. I know that there are still good people out there and there are still things worth fighting for. but right now, all I feel is this aching chasm where my faith in humanity used to be.

so I'm unplugging - not from fandom or tumblr, but from politics and news - for at least a little while. sometimes that's the most important thing to do if you want to still be able to get out of bed in the morning.

[mercy-burning]

A Weekend In Paradise (Summer of Sin Bonus Chapter)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: A couples' weekend vacation with Y/N, her fake boyfriend, her mom, and her real boyfriend, who also happens to be her mom's boyfriend... What could possibly be more relaxing? Category: MATURE (18+) Content: Strong language, cheating, female masturbation, kinda non-con (previously mentioned masturbation is happening while an unaware party is asleep in the same bed), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, omorashi/piss kink, daddy kink, "little girl" nickname, car sex, grinding, brief handjob, praise, biting/marking. (This one is pure fucking filth, y'all, buckle UP LMAO) Word Count: 7k

MAIN MASTERLIST | SERIES MASTERLIST

NOTE: I know summer is literally over and we're all in autumn mode, but better late than never, right? ANYWAY, it's been an absolute pleasure re-reading this series and finishing it out with more shenanigans. These two and their messy asses are always so much fun to write, and I think about them all the time. In the timeline, this chapter takes place between parts 2 and 3 of “Your Favorite” if you want to put it in sequence with the other parts :) Have fun, and thank you for being patient with me. I hope this was worth the wait!

**********

FRIDAY

The only thing warmer than the blazing sun above me, the only thing that could burn me to the greatest extent until I was nothing but a pile of ash, is the way Spencer is staring at me right now.

Mom is reading a book quietly, laying her legs over his lap as they lounge on the loveseat, and Andrew is with me on the patio, rubbing sunscreen on my limbs. Even though we're far enough apart so no one can hear any conversation from the other party, the unspoken jealousy radiating from both Spencer and I is loud enough to drown out an entire concert venue.

Maybe it's cruel, and I'll probably catch shit for it later, but I can't stop smiling. It's easy for me to imagine that it's his hands gliding over my skin while I'm staring directly at him, and he's returning said stare with so much intensity that it might as well be magically willing my bathing suit to come off. Andrew's deft fingers tease the thin string at the edge of my hip and I laugh, playfully reaching back to swat at his hand.

"They're right inside, you know..."

He gets up to look, but still feeling Spencer's red-hot gaze, I quickly turn Andrew around and kiss him deeply, cradling his face in my hands and pressing into him with a laugh.

He pulls away just enough to speak. "Well, then let's go somewhere they aren't..."

"Mmm... Might be too obvious. He's smart, he'll know something's up if we're quick to run off."

"If you're quick to run off, you mean..."

I raise an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I'm just an innocent bystander..." Andrew leans in and pecks my mouth sweetly, his voice just as gentle when he speaks. "Your only goal this weekend is to taunt him, and he knows it." Another peck. "If you run off with me this easily, you figure he'll be onto our little scheme." And another. "But if you play it right and act all inconvenienced by my... urgency..." Another kiss, this one a bit longer and definitely more sensual. "He might just feel bad enough to make it up to you later."

"You think?"

"I don't actually know. Probably." He reaches for my hands and helps me off the lounge swing, and I feel wobbly. "But what I do know is that you think too much. That man wants you so bad, he's going to find a way to spend time alone with you this weekend, whether we're making out in front of him or not. Just... Loosen up. Have a little fun."

The two of us are attached at the hip as we sneak out of eyesight from the patio screen door, and from Mom and Spencer.

"Loosen up? Do you realize how serious this situation is, Andy? One wrong move and my life is over."

"Look. I'm not judging you, and it's none of my business. But you put yourself in this situation on your own. And I'm happy to help you out, but you have to trust me. Can you do that?"

He's not wrong. I could stop this at any point, and I could've from the start if I wanted to... But I don't want to, and that's just it. I've dug the hole, and if it means getting to spend time alone with Spencer for even the smallest amount of time, I'd gladly lay down and die in it.

So. 'Loosen up and have a little fun' it is.

I take a deep breath and smile up at Andrew, patting him on the shoulder. "Yes. I can do that."

———

"I can't do it."

"Mmmmm, you and I both know that isn't true. You've come much faster under more stressful circumstances. Should be easy for you."

He's not wrong, yet I can't help but frown at Spencer's request anyway. I've been in a shitty mood all day, despite my discussion with Andrew earlier on. It's nearing nightfall, and with hardly any attention from the person I wanted it from, to say I'm now desperate is a severe understatement. There's still some time left until the two of us can properly sneak away, but even so, we have a moment alone and all he wants is to watch me get myself off in the bathroom upstairs while Mom and Andrew set the table out on the porch for a small, late dinner.

"Yeah, but you usually help me with that..."

Spencer only grins at my whining, tilting his head as he stands at the sink with his arms crossed, watching my hand at work. "If you're going to flaunt your boyfriend at me all weekend, then you're going to deal with the consequences."

"You're fucking my mom, Spencer, and you flaunt it at me every fucking day of my life... Cut me some slack."

"Aw. You're grumpy."

"Fuck you."

"You wish, don't you?"

I huff and get up off the edge of the bathtub, flipping my skirt back down and shaking my head. "You know what, forget it. If you wanna be difficult, then you can suck my dick."

"I'm not giving you what you want until I watch you come."

"Whatever."

I breeze past him and shut the door, hoping he'll follow and pull me into a bedroom and just fuck me anyway, but deep down I know he won't. He's a man of his word. It's simultaneously the best and worst thing about him.

The rest of the evening passes by slowly, which only sours my mood even more every time I look at my phone and realize that only a few minutes have passed.

I'd thought at least maybe Spencer would ease up and take the role of "Eve's Loving and Devoted Boyfriend" to the bare minimum, however that's promptly not the case. I don't know if he's doing it to piss me off and get me to cave, or if he's just over my bullshit and being his genuine, caring self to the woman he's in a relationship with... Either way, I practically feel my insides boiling over and my face burning red. I'm jealous, I'm grumpy as he so eloquently put it, and I'm so sexually frustrated that I'm seriously considering just running off to my bedroom and pulling out a vibrator, Spencer be damned. Fuck his rules, fuck his 'consequences', and fuck this whole damned weekend straight to hell.

My eyes wander to the lounge swing where Spencer and Mom are almost falling asleep, her head resting on his shoulder, and an inordinately evil image etches itself into my brain. Evil might sound harsh, but it's truly the only accurate word I could use to describe the feeling as it runs its course through my bloodstream. And when the breeze picks up and cools me off, within a mere second I realize just how insane I'd be for even entertaining it.

Even as our two groups say our goodbyes for the night, and I recount the day's failure to Andrew just before he falls asleep, I'm still going back and forth.

Loosen up. Have a little fun.

The situation at hand is decidedly not fun.

That being said, the possible look on Spencer's face after I'd do what I'm thinking? Taking his rules and throwing them in his face? That sounds fun.

My mind is already made up by the time I reach their door, gently pushing it open and letting my eyes adjust to the darkness, which isn't terribly bad to start with. There is a giant open floor-to-ceiling window that overlooks the beach, and subsequently the moonlight reflects off the water and into the bedroom. It's still dark, but not enough to where I can't see where I'm going.

Each soft step I take sends my heart rate higher and higher until I reach my destination at Spencer's side of the bed. Call it what you want, but I figure it's damn lucky that he's facing towards the room and not towards my mom, otherwise waking him up would have been a much more difficult feat.

I brush strands of hair away from his forehead and then tap him gently on the nose. I almost think it won't work, but then he shakes his head and flutters open his eyes, and that's when my heart leaps straight out of my chest.

This just became real.

There's no going back now.

He's shocked to see me standing above him, obviously, and before he can say or do anything, I put a finger to his mouth and imitate a shh with my own.

I wait for his eyesight to adjust and for him to realize what my intentions are, and right before it happens, my finger lifts from his mouth and rests on his bare chest as I balance myself, lifting my right leg to the pillow, right next to his head.

There's a deep, concerned warning in his eyes, but it dissolves the second he glances down to see that under my thin silk nightdress there's no tangible barrier between himself and my slick cunt. Even if the darkness prevents him from getting the best look, it's not a secret what I'm doing. My right hand drapes down as I start to touch myself gently, and fortunately it doesn't take long to start feeling that familiar sharp ache of desire pulsing through my lower half. Spencer's wide eyes and heavy breathing tacked on to the sheer danger I'm putting myself in to do this have made me wet in an instant.

I force myself not to think about the sleeping woman next to him and instead keep my eyes locked with his. It feels almost like a dream, like if I get distracted and lose his gaze then I will be doomed to lose it for good, and no matter how hard I try to remember it when I wake, it will be nothing but a distant feeling. The stakes right now have quite literally never been higher.

Now, there are a lot of things I'm not proud of. Helping my mom's boyfriend cheat on her is probably the biggest offender for obvious reasons. But as I've learned, sometimes those things end up being totally worth it.

Faking an orgasm also happens to be one of those things.

It's risky, I know. Spencer is the smartest person I know. It's not a stretch to believe that he could call my bluff. I also happen to be unfortunately seasoned in the art of faking orgasms (thankfully due to my time seeing men before sleeping with Spencer). The determination I have to get him to fuck me before this first night of our vacation is over is the cherry on top of my evil scheme.

So, I rock my hips into my hand, lock eyes with Spencer, and fake the fuck out of it. And thankfully, faking being quiet in this particular situation is ten times easier than faking being loud. It's a fool-proof plan.

I barely 'finish' before Spencer grabs my wrist and softly sits up in the bed. It's hard to tell what he's thinking, because his face doesn't even twitch. It almost looks like he's angry, but I have a hard time believing he would be. It could also be the concoction of desperation and anxiety coursing through my nervous system making me make that up. Either way, I know I'm going to find out very soon.

Spencer gets out of bed quietly, dragging me behind him. He shuts the bedroom door with barely any sound, and it's impressive considering he'd just woken up a few minutes ago. I suppose though, a man on a mission is a man on a mission no matter how drowsy; The moment we're down the stairs and out the back door to the porch, he's backing me up to the table where we'd eaten dinner, my legs nearly buckling before he lifts me up and sets me down on top of it.

"You're insane," he whispers, closing the gap between us just a millisecond after.

I welcome his kiss and melt into him, snaking my arms over his shoulders and wrapping my legs around his waist. He tilts his head hungrily, deepening the kiss, and I can't help but groan at the inclusion of his tongue.

"Insanely irresistible," I finally counter back when we part for air.

He kisses me again, quickly, adding, "Insanely bratty," and then he reaches down to touch the heat between my legs. I've gone long enough without it that I involuntarily drop my head back with a sigh of relief at his touch, breathing out, "Fuck, I need you..."

I half-expected him to keep bantering with me, but instead he leans forward and latches onto my neck, surely leaving hickeys behind as his fingers work inside me. It feels good, but it's not enough. I need more.

More...

I hadn't even realized I'd been breathlessly chanting the word into the air until Spencer groans and removes himself from me to pull his lounge pants down far enough to free his erection and slide into me with ease. He swallows my moan with his mouth, holding himself inside me and kissing me so deeply I can barely breathe. The cool night air sends a blanket of chills over my limbs, and for a moment in time, it's just me, him, and the ocean crashing beside us.

It's almost like we become a part of it, wave after wave of pleasure and relief passing through us with each harsh crash of water over sand. Skin against skin, tongue over lip and tooth.

We could have been out there for hours, and I wouldn't have known any different. All I know for sure is that it's me and Spencer. Just as it should be.

Even after we both reach our end, we remain still in our embrace, my limbs weak but still wrapped around him. Safe. He strokes the back of my head and kisses me lazily, drawing out every last ounce of happiness from my body and soul until he pulls away finally and I remember where we are. The situation at hand. How horrible I feel at what I'd just done in front of my sleeping mother.

God, you are so fucked up...

"You're right. I'm insane."

Spencer tenses at my words, then sighs. "I'm not any better."

"I don't know how I'm going to get through this," I confess. "I wish it was just me and you. I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"I know, Y/N..."

He doesn't say anything after that, and I don't either. Part of me wants him to reassure me that everything will be okay, but the rational part of me knows deep down that I don't deserve it. Also that it probably wouldn't even work anyway.

I'm too far into this pit of hell for any kind of redemption, and I'm just going to have to deal with it.

Which is why, when Spencer walks me up to my bedroom and gently kisses me goodnight after helping to clean me up, I simply slink away to bed and will myself to sleep, feeling completely numb despite getting exactly what I wanted.

SATURDAY

"Pancakes are done!"

I feel miles better than I did yesterday, maybe because Spencer had padded into my room early this morning to uh... Pay me back for the stunt I pulled last night. I couldn't deny the smile on my face when I woke to his body standing over mine, palming himself through his pants as Andrew slept soundly next to me.

Rather than watch him though, I quietly sat up and lent him a helping hand.

And mouth.

Whatever negativity we'd encountered yesterday had magically vanished, and now I can't help but feel like it's going to be a good day.

It also helps that Andrew made pancakes and bacon.

"These look great, Andy," Mom compliments, sitting down at the head of the table. "Better than mine."

"Nonsense," I tell her. "Yours have confetti sprinkles."

"Yes, but they're always burnt." Spencer kisses the side of her head as he stands behind her, but his eyes are on me, an evil grin on his lips. "No offense, Dear."

I want to strangle him.

"Not all of us can be masters of the frying pan... But I try."

"You do great, Mom, don't listen to him. He may know everything, but he doesn't know everything."

He feigns hurt, putting a hand over his heart and pouting, and I can't help but smile. Mom does, too, and for a moment, it feels like we can all get along without complicated feelings and desires putting a damper on our weekend.

Andrew fixes up his plate last, and when he sits down next to me, his hand finds mine under the table, tapping my palm twice—our signal for "everything good?"

I tap his back, a confirmation that for right now, I'm okay.

Breakfast is enjoyable, and I don't know what the day will bring, but I don't have any panic or dread settling in my bones, and Spencer and I aren't staring daggers into the back of each others' heads, so until that point arises again I decide to stuff my mouth with food and just revel in the calm.

Mom perks up as we're finishing the last few bites of our plates. "There's a big flea market a few towns over today, I thought we could go check it out after breakfast. It's supposed to be a nice half-hour drive along the coast, and they've got live music and tons of food."

"Mmm, sounds great, Mom," I say through a bite of food, swallowing it before continuing. "Maybe on the way back we can stop somewhere and get stuff to finish the patio."

Grandma's beach house is nice, but it's old, which means the patio screens are littered with holes and other wear and tear. Part of the reason we'd decided to come here was to make it look nice and figure out what repairs need to be done before we help her sell it, and that patio needs... Well, it needs a little more than some new screen-doors, but that was the start.

Spencer nudges my foot under the table and speaks up. "I don't do so well in the car after I eat, so I can actually stay back and start working on getting the porch cleared out and take measurements for what you need if you want to go ahead without me."

"Oh, are you sure, Honey?" Mom grabs his hand. "We can wait a little to go if you want."

"Really, it's okay. It's a beautiful morning, you should take advantage of it. I'll take the other car and meet you there in an hour or two."

"Well, okay, if you're sure. I just feel bad leaving you behind..."

He nudges me under the table again.

"I can stay and help," I offer then, suddenly feeling my chest warm up from the inside at the opportunity. Then it's my turn to do the nudging. I tap Andrew's hand under the table and look at him. "I mean, you don't mind hanging out with my mom for a bit, do you?"

I'm so glad he's quick at catching on. And I will love him forever for what he's doing for me. I make a mental note to send him gift baskets for life when he nods and gives my mom his best smile. "I don't mind at all."

I turn to Mom. "Yeah, I'll call you when we've got everything handled and then Spencer and I can just meet you guys down there." I turn to him then, hoping to make it seem more like a natural development of a last-second plan rather than an evil scheme. "If you want the company, that is. I didn't mean to intrude or anything."

He smiles. "I don't mind the help at all, but it's totally up to you and your mom."

Mom practically fawns over her boyfriend and grabs his hand with a lovesick pout, which makes me feel really bad for what we're probably about to do the second she leaves. "No, I think it'll be good for you two to spend some time together. It makes me happy to see my two favorite people getting along."

"Then it's a perfect plan for me," Spencer beams at her, kissing the back of her hand.

———

We wait until we can't see the car anymore, until it's so far in the distance that we're positive we won't be seen. Spencer wants to wait longer in case Mom decides she forgot something and needs to come back, but I know that Andrew will text me if anything happens. Spencer is right here next to me, his hand steady on my lower back as he guides me through the house.

We're alone, not doing anything yet, and it feels like torture.

So on the way to the bedroom, I squeeze his hand and depart, hoping to kill some time—to ease his mind as well as my anxiety.

"I'm gonna pee quick and then you can have your way with me, yeah?"

Spencer reaches out for my hand again, pulling me to him and not letting me go, a glint of something mischievous in his eye. It shocks and excites me simultaneously. "But I want my way with you now."

His lips are on mine, and he's backing me into the wall, picture frames gently rattling in the hallway once my back is flush to the drywall. I melt into him with a laugh.

"We have time," I tell him between kisses, trying to get away. "I'll be quick, I promise."

"No," he grunts, kissing me again, deep and earnest.

I whine at the excitement that burns in the pit of my stomach, but I also do really have to pee. "Spencer, please."

"Hold it," he demands through gritted teeth, kissing my neck and then slotting his knee between my legs.

I clench instinctively, and I can't help but test the waters. "Or what?"

"Or I can tell your mother what a bad girl you were today. So unhelpful, wasting my time and giving me back-talk. She'll be so disappointed in you."

"Wow, Spence. Threatening me with my mother, how kind of you," I retort, even though his words are undoing me. I grind down on his leg and feel my bladder pulse with need. My teeth grit when he bites down on my shoulder.

"I'm a kind man."

"Kinda mean, maybe," I whimper.

"Not really. All you have to do is hold it, pretty girl. That's all I ask."

His knee lifts higher and I moan to the air. "Fuck. Spencer, I don't think I can."

"You will."

I have a brief moment of reprieve when he drops his leg, but it doesn't last long because he brings his hand down in its place, deft fingers slipping under the band of my shorts and toying with my clit.

"That's not fair," I sigh, weaving my fingers through his hair.

He smiles, nipping at my jaw. "Aw, poor thing."

His fingers are relentless, rotating between flicking at my clit and plunging into me and spreading me apart, and it's making it extremely difficult to do what he's asking. I feel an orgasm building rather quickly, but I can't quite tell if that's just because I'm so turned on, if it's my bladder, or both. My thighs are trembling and the pressure is getting tighter.

"Fuck, I— I can't... I'm g—onna..."

The orgasm rips through me beautifully, a brand new feeling that I have to sort-of subside to keep from completely letting go all over his hand, but I can't help it. My hips cant back and forth, and I feel my shorts warm a little as I come down, and suddenly I clench my legs together, whimpering and stopping myself from continuing. The pressure hasn't let up at all, and now it's even harder to hold back.

"I'm sorry... I'm... I'm still trying."

Spencer captures my mouth in a tender, teasing kiss as he coos, "I know... You're trying so hard." His fingers glide through me softly, and then they're gone and taking my bottoms with them. The fabric falls to the floor, and soon his pants are gone, too.

"Can you hold it a little longer, sweetheart?"

"I can try," I sigh out in one quick breath, looking down and already feeling overwhelmed at the sight of his erection.

I'm not going to last long.

Spencer turns me around and bends me at the waist, using one hand to wrap around me and rub my clit as the other guides himself into me from behind.

I yelp, then groan as he fucks me hard.

My face is pressed flat against the wall, and I try to focus on that feeling instead of this new angle and all the pressure it's putting on me. I'm clenching so hard, and Spencer is loving every second.

"God I love how tight you are, trying to be good for me..."

I want to tell him to stop talking, because his words always push me over the edge, but I have to focus so hard on nothing but this goddamn wall in front of me to keep from making a mess. And with each searing thrust he throws my way, that just becomes harder and harder.

He shifts a little and hits a particularly good spot, making me yell again as I relax and start to lose control— but only for a second. I still want to try, so I clench again and whine as I feel the warm liquid roll down my leg and the beautiful burn I'm feeling.

Spencer groans and goes harder then. He wants me to break, and honestly, it might not be long until I do.

"I know you want to, little girl," he tempts, sliding his hand up to press on my bladder. "Am I making it harder for you? Huh?"

If I could punch him, I would, but I'm afraid all I can do is beg him for release, the pressure almost too much. But because I still like to make things difficult and I'm not completely fucked dumb yet, I decide to add some flare.

"Please, Daddy, can I let go?" I whine, and he pauses with one of his own. I feel his hand slide off my stomach and weave through the roots of my hair instead, pulling me up to meet him.

He whispers hotly in my ear, "If you want to act like a greedy little slut, then by all means. Go right ahead..."

It's hard to tell what his intentions are after we move on from this position, but right now, I don't really care. Because no matter what consequences come with it, it's still permission all the same, and I'm not going to last much longer anyway.

"But I'm not going to keep fucking you through it. That's on you."

There it is.

So, what?

He stays inside me, hard and pulsing with need anyway, so I rock myself back and forth on him and reach down to rub my clit as I bring myself to the edge again. I keep trying to hold it until I'm ready to orgasm, and thankfully that doesn't seem to take very long.

Within seconds, I'm coming. I feel it all with a shout, letting my body tense and release, and Spencer grabs my hips to keep me from falling over. His blunt nails digging into my skin only add to the insane pleasure that courses through my body, and then the dam breaks not long after.

I let go in small spurts, still trying to have some control over how I do this, because I still want to drive him mad. So I turn my head and try to look at him, throwing his words in his face.

"I know you want to fuck me through it, Daddy... I'm still trying to hold it for you, so you can. Please..."

"Fuck," he hisses, giving up and pushing me to the wall again. He snaps his hips back and then forward, and it takes all I am not to scream at how good it feels.

This time I really let it all go, allowing myself to relax and revel in all the sensations coursing through me. Just like I wanted, Spencer fucks me through every second of it, until I have nothing else to give but mindless whimpers of over-stimulation and gratitude.

I don't even realize I'm coming again until my body jolts with the sensation, and then Spencer follows, running his hands along the backside of my body anywhere he can reach as he does.

Once we're both tired enough, he pulls out and gently turns me around to face him. I almost whine at the loss of his warmth, but he's pressing me to the wall again and kissing me before I can protest.

I don't know how long we stand there and make out, but eventually I shiver, feeling cold and... dirty. Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't regret it, because it was hot as fuck, but... Now? In this moment, after the fact?

I pull away from him and sigh. "You should have just let me go to the bathroom. Now we gotta clean this up."

Spencer ponders for a moment, looking down between us and then back up at me before shrugging with a shit-eating grin.

"I told you to hold it. Maybe you should work on listening to me."

I punch him in the arm, and he laughs.

"In your dreams, old man."

———

Evening comes in the blink of an eye, and I swear it's the happiest I've ever been. Sneaking out of the house like a teenager in love with someone she knows is fundamentally wrong for her is probably the most accurate way to describe what's happening, though Spencer is only wrong for me in a completely different way.

All the same, no matter the reason, he makes it hard to remember why.

It feels so good—so deliciously right—after all.

And how couldn't it; I'm absolutely elated, heart beating wildly as I race down the highway with the windows all the way down. Spencer squeezes my hand, trying to let loose, but I can tell he's utterly terrified by my speed. It makes me laugh.

When I finally pull over into a small clearing some miles down a random side-road and put the car in park, he sighs. "Where are we?"

"Dunno. But it's secluded. Moonlit. Romantic."

Each word that escapes me is punctuated with a kiss on each of his fingers.

"It's... Unsettling."

I can't help but laugh again, unbuckling my seatbelt and climbing over to his lap. He shifts uncomfortably but helps me straddle him anyway, rolling the seat back as far as it can go as I tease him with neck kisses.

"Are you afraid of the dark, old man?"

He groans my name in warning when my teeth bite down on his shoulder. I know I can't mark him. It upsets me greatly, but I have to at least give myself a little taste.

So, when his hands tighten around my waist, I whine and settle for his lips. I kiss him eagerly, and by the way he's responding, any qualms about being in this "unsettling" location seem to have vanished. His hands roam my body reverently and eventually help guide my hips as they rock into him with desperate conviction.

I welcome his tongue with my own and thread my fingers through his hair, already feeling the heat of the summer air cling to my body as the air conditioning dissipates. The windows are already starting to fog.

Spencer notices my urgency and breaks apart with a hum of amusement. "What's the matter?"

"I want out of these damn clothes."

"Well, why didn't you just say so?"

I don't even have the energy to tease him back. He's giving me what I want with no obstacles other than the fabric between us, and I couldn't have asked for anything more.

It's a little difficult in such a cramped space, but eventually I am completely bare in front of him, save for my underwear. I've removed Spencer's shirt, but his slacks are still on, and I'm in the process of helping him out of them when he laughs again.

"What?" I ask, eyebrow raised.

"Nothing... I'm just surprised you even wore any underwear to begin with. Surely you knew what was going to happen tonight..."

I roll my eyes, but my smile never wavers. "Do you or do you not remember how this whole thing started? You love my underwear, and you love taking them off of me... I did this for you."

In agreement, he tenderly slips his middle finger under the seam and pulls the fabric to the side, and I nearly whine as he looks me over, the corner of his bottom lip pinched gently between his teeth. He's so fucking hot it physically hurts me. It makes me pathetic.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he finally offers, dragging a careful finger through my seam. I gasp at the sensation and feel myself start to tremble when he gently flicks at my clit. It's so featherlight, barely a touch at all, but still enough to drive me mad.

I need him. Now.

"Anything for you," I breathe, lunging forward to kiss him again. He welcomes me with fire instead of the amusement I'd almost expected from him. Usually, it's a dig at my eagerness, but tonight he's just as eager, just as needy, and the equal reciprocation has me in shambles.

It doesn't take long to find my way to him. I've finally managed to free his erection from fabric confines, and instead of fully sitting on him, I slick him up with my arousal, grinding along the length of him as he leans his head back and curses to the air. The friction is low-simmering and beautiful, and nowhere near enough to get myself off, but that doesn't matter to me right now. It just feels so good, and seeing Spencer tensing and twitching beneath me, feeling his hands tighten over my breasts as I rock back and forth... Reveling in this tension before truly giving into our carnal desires is honestly just as good as the sex itself. If I could etch this feeling, this erotic slow-burn of a moment, into my soul for all eternity, to remember in vivid detail for as long as I was alive and breathing, I would.

I'm so wet, so hot with sweat and aching with desire for this man, I can barely stand it.

My hand reaches down between us and takes him in a firm grip. I stroke him slow and tight, to which Spencer hisses, forcing himself to look down as he shakes his head.

"Fuck, you're perfect..."

The genuine praise makes me tremble again, warmth flooding my bloodstream. I start to quicken my pace, but his hand reaches down to grab my wrist.

"We have to get out of this damned car."

Before I know what's happening, he's opening the door and exposing us to the open air. He leads me outside, then opens the back door and guides me to the back seat, laying me down on my back. I lean up on my elbow to watch as he towers over me, sliding his pants all the way down and watching me with hungry eyes.

I can't help the urge that overtakes me then, readjusting my underwear again so that I'm exposed to him. Ready. Still, no teasing from him about how ready I am. There is only fire burning behind his gaze and a determination to make me feel every single flame as it dances brightly over my skin.

I can tell just by looking at him right now, barely illuminated by the moon in the open sky above us, Spencer is going to absolutely ruin me.

He comes forward and reaches down, both hands tugging at my underwear until they literally tear at the seams. The sound is so jarring and unbelievably hot that feels almost pornographic. I've never been so turned on in my life. He knows it, too, but doesn't say anything. Instead, he tosses the tattered cotton away like it's nothing at all, then proceeds to adjust me to his liking, folding my knees up to my chest and giving himself the deepest angle he can possibly get.

"Ready?" he asks, that fire in his eyes telling me he already knows the answer.

"Always," I tell him, pulling him down to connect our lips.

He pushes into me then, a steady full movement that doesn't falter even once. I take it happily, humming into Spencer's mouth as he starts to move his hips. The car gently rocks underneath me, the smallest of creaks sounding under the upholstery. Between that and the snapping of his skin to mine, the crickets chirping in the background, and the thick, heavy whirring of our breathing being so close together in this small space, it truly does feel like the perfect summer night.

This is what summers are made for. Passion. Heat. Want. Wildfire. Pure sin...

That's what it is. Spencer's teeth leaving unashamed marks on my skin when I'm not allowed to return the favor as he fucks me in the backseat of my mom's old car, nothing around us but the moon, the stars, and the sweltering summer heat... There would be time for guilt later, when we return to the beach house, and possibly even along the drive there. But for now, I don't feel guilty. I'm completely aware of my surroundings, of my situation, and yet there's not an ounce of guilt to be found anywhere in this car.

That alone is the biggest sin of all.

SUNDAY MORNING / 2 A.M. / SPENCER

My limbs are barely awake when I shuffle down the hallway and sigh heavily at the sweet promise of a deep sleep. I feel tense, but I know that's only because I have to keep my departure a secret. I won't fully know peace until my head has hit the pillow and my consciousness has drifted away for the night.

Eve is an early riser. I won't get much sleep, but the few hours I will manage to round up will be worth it. And I'll go to sleep happy.

Y/N is still all over me, which is dangerous. Her aura, her smiles and her laughter, her sighs and her pleas, her fingernails trying not to leave marks on my back even thought it's all I want—All of it is such an enormous part of who I am now, that every second I'm in Eve's presence, I start to wonder if she can feel it. I hope not, but as a man who has proudly worn and reflected the attributes of every woman he's ever loved, it's a scary thought.

So scary, apparently, that it seems to have manifested a near-heart attack. I know I'm not actually having one, but the sharp pain I feel in my chest when I open the bedroom door and find Eve, awake and sitting in bed with a distant look in her eyes, for a split second, could have fooled me.

"You're up early," I say, closing the door and walking to my side of the bed. My heart is beating so fast, my nervous system working on overload to keep up with the amount of signals and sirens that are blaring in my brain.

Eve doesn't look at me, but responds somberly. "So are you."

How long has she been awake? "Yeah. Couldn't sleep. I wanted to take a drive..."

She hesitates for a moment as I climb into bed and nudge her leg with my own.

"Is everything okay?" she asks.

No.

"Yes. I'm sorry if I worried you." I take her hand in mine, but she still can't look at me. It frightens me. "What's wrong?"

"I don't... I don't know... Something just feels weird, and I don't know what or how to explain it."

"Like... With the house?" I feign confusion, easily disguising the fear that lies underneath, and it seems to work; Eve concedes.

"No," she sighs, turning to finally look at me. Her eyes are tired, and she looks like she's embarrassed. "I don't know... I've been getting this weird feeling lately, and then you disappeared for a couple hours tonight, and I guess I just..."

She trails off, and I sigh, hoping to put her mind at ease. "Eve... You know I love you, right?" They're the right words to say, but they feel evil coming out of my mouth. They're... I don't want to say they're not true, because in some way I still do love her. But... Not how she wants me to. Not how she loves me back.

"I know," she cries apologetically, falling her head onto my shoulder with a dramatic thump. It's a mannerism that reminds me so much of her daughter, I feel another sharp twist in my gut. "I'm sorry, Spencer. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There is nothing wrong with you," I comfort her quickly, squeezing her hand. "It's okay, I promise."

"No, it's not. It isn't fair for me to just assume you aren't happy in this relationship when you've done nothing to show otherwise, and then act all grumpy and accusatory. It wasn't right. I should have just talked to you about my... weirdness, and gotten it out of the way. I'm sorry."

"I appreciate that," I tell her. I'm relieved that she still doesn't know the truth, but my heart is still racing and I can't seem to get those damn warning sirens to quiet in my head. "Still, I'm sorry for worrying you. I wasn't tired, and it seemed like a perfect night for a quiet, mindless drive."

"Mmm, you're right," Eve agrees, leaning into me and glancing out the window. She takes a deep breath and kisses my neck, right where her daughter had been only hours before. "Next time, invite me along?"

"You got it." It's an empty promise, but it makes her happy. It keeps her unassuming.

We fall asleep together, but my dreams belong to someone else.

[autumnmobile12]

Ambush Simulation: Touya vs Mr. Smiley

I'm not saying there was a fight. Actually, I don't think the Vanguard has anything against harmless graffiti, so they probably wouldn't have bothered.

But since Endeavor's house was hit, Touya probably smelled the paint, went outside to see what was going on, and obliviously walked right into that nonsense. (Honestly, Mr. Smiley didn't even have to hit him with the laughing Quirk because Touya probably would have just lifted an eyebrow, said 'looks good,' and gone back to minding his own business.)

So Endeavor storming inside furious about the property wall, finds Touya slumped over the kitchen table, exhausted after two straight hours of non-stop laughing so his hatred of his father has reached a temporary ceasefire:

Touya: *head on table, groaning* Did you see the graffiti, Dad?

Endeavor: I saw it.

Touya: It wasn't me.

Endeavor: I know.

Touya: ...

Endeavor: You okay?

Touya: My ribs hurt and I feel sick....and I threw up in the upstairs hallway. And some of my piercings tore.

Endeavor: Do you need to go to the hospital?

Touya: No.

Endeavor: ...

Touya: ...did you get the guy?

Endeavor: I'm afraid not.

Touya: *staggering upright* ...fuckin' do it myself then.

Endeavor: No, no! Go to bed, I'll handle it.

...

And this is probably the closest I can get to remotely wholesome with these two.

[scoriarose]

How hognoses ask to be friends!

(The Hognose Twitch aka ScootScootScoot!)

If Sakura's body language is friendly, but she is partially in a hide, I'll drape my hand over her substrate barrier (which is a piece of plastic that keeps her substrate from spilling out when I open the door) and let her choose if she'd like to socialize. Sometimes she'll feel bold and take this as an invitation to come out, other times she'll rub up against me and caress my hand. I think she gets lonely when her sister goes to sleep before her, and if I offer her socialization time many times she'll lay with her body caressing part of my hand.

Each time she's done this, she's cuddled me a bit longer. Today, after cuddling, she had a surprise!

She did the hognose twitch for me! (Timestamp 0:37 & 3:35)The first time she did it, it was much bigger, but I had no idea she was going to do it so I grabbed my camera and filmed the one after. Usually she will twitch while scooting forward, but the substrate barrier prevented most of that-otherwise she probably would have had much bigger motions and scooted into my finger XD

If you are not familiar with "the hognose twitch" this is a way some snakes (including hognoses and rattlesnakes) will communicate to each other they are friendly please be nice too?, and the other snake will do the same motion back to show they are. Some folks think it has to do with mating, but it really doesn't anymore than waving hello is exclusive to dating- which I suppose snakes might do instead if they had arms.

Usually they only use this means of communication with other snakes, but babygirl was scoot scoot scooting specifically to communicate with me! So perhaps Sakura and I are now good friends, and I am an honorary snake. :3

Sometimes they will also twitch when startled, it seems to say a similar message, "I'm friendly! Don't shoot!" so to speak, which is why near the end you'll hear me talk about how I don't think she was scared/startled and doing this out of fear. Sometimes snakes will hide they are afraid, and you can tell if a snake is frozen in fear by stepping away a moment as scared snakes frozen in fear will take that moment to flee and hide.

I left her alone to be sure this interaction was not stressing her out or a startle response, and she just adjusted herself into her usual relaxed pose that she often takes at night to watch me from her little den before bed.

[lizajane2]

This will be the only time I speak on politics on THIS blog. I stand with Palestine but I do not stand by people who think my rights aren't important. Mine, as a woman, will be stripped away because of Trump being in office. If I got pregnant right now, I'd die from having a miscarriage because the doctor would refuse to perform surgery.

And I'm embarrassed to even be remotely in the same sentence as "white women failed us." 52% of the vote?! 20% of registered Democrats refused to vote because "A vote for Kamala means you support genocide." No, we were trying to preserve the rights we had rather than vote for a man who is a racist, fascist, homophobic, and a rapist. Let's also mention the fact that he is a felon. That is the man who will be sitting in office and if you think he's going to help Palestine, he's not.

"Oh well, you should've just voted third-party or not at all." No. The US is not built for a third-party system. They never win a certain percentage of the popular vote and they are denied Federal Funding. Not voting is also worse. It helps put Trump in office which is exactly what happened when millions of registered voters didn't exercise their right.

"Well, Kamala has been Vice President for 4 years." Do you know what the VP does? Their role is to break tie votes in the Senate. They also prercide over impeachment trials, presiding over electoral vote counts, successor to the President, and acting President. They are also a governing partner, a representative at events, a congressional liaison, and a national security council member. All those things don't involve foreign policy.

And as a white woman who voted for Kamala, I mean this with my whole fucking chest, i don't wanna hear white women MAGA supporters complaining about how they're not getting the healthcare they need after their daughter, sister, aunt, or life long friend dies of sepsis because the doctor refused to perform surgery and save her life. I feel for the women having to go through that. But you, who voted for that, who WANTED that, well that's your bed and you get to lie in it. Don't look to my white ass asking for help because you can't afford the funeral expenses. Don't come to me looking for sympathy. I'll have sympathy for your daughter, who probably could've lived but you stripped that right away from her because you had to stand on being pro-life. I will not help you.

[honey-floret]

CW// Anxiety Attack

Log X11012555 Journal of Dr. Beatrice "Honey" Lewis

A very tired looking woman appears on screen. Her silver and brown hair a mess of bed head.

Groggily Good morning, this is Dr. Beatrice "Honey" Lewis, this is the.... I'm honestly too tired to really care at this point, I'll just look at the log date later. Last night was just... a lot. I've been trying more lately to socialize with my fellow researchers. It's been hard, but mostly rewarding.

So I pushed myself to go to a staff event last night. A mixed Affini - Sophont social. I really didn't know what to expect. I'd only been to a couple of events way back in my undergraduate; I always felt out of place, and typically left quickly. This event was, I don't know how to say it exactly but more. More sights, more sounds, more smells. The air felt warm and slightly tingly. It was a wave of sensation the moment I entered the room.

There was even more Sophonts there than just the staff. Many of my affini coworkers brought their florets. Including Cybil, her floret was in a pink companion dress, her hair a dark chestnut brown, and her eyes amber and distant. I've seen florets playing in the parks, and walking down the street with their affini, always with these blissed out dazed looks in their eyes. I've always felt this slight disgust whenever I looked at them but also just a weird desire. But yes these florets were busy making out, or playing while their Affini watched. Some of them even looked slightly familiar, but I couldn't place my finger on it. I decided to stay near the other independents.

That was also a mistake. I truly wanted to talk about my interests and hear about theirs but I just couldn't. I couldn't hear the people I was talking to half the time, and the times which I did their voices were just a jumble of meaningless words. I wasn't able to understand a word anyone was saying. My anxiety started to flare up, I started to worry that I was saying the wrong things to their queries. My ears started to feel, how do I say this, like they were bigger than they are. Like I felt the space around my ears pulse, and my throat was running dry constantly from trying to talk over the music and sounds. Then some of the affini came over, and I think? Started to flirt with some of the people I was talking to. One that wasn't Cybil came up to me and said something, but her words also just got lost on me.

I started to hyperventilate, things just spiralling out of control. I felt just a pit form in my stomach. I just ended up breaking down in front of everyone, and just sobbing. It felt like the party grinded to a halt in that moment. Everyone's eyes were on me and that just made it so so much worse. The affini in front of me looked very surprised. She tried to reach out and it felt like she was trying to hit me with one of those blasted needles. I shirked and screamed "No! I don't want that!" I ended up running out of the room and into Cybil who had I guess stepped out with her floret at some point.

I don't know what came over me but I just dug my face into the vines that made up her leg and held on. She reached an arm down and held me. The other partygoers caught up to us, and I don't know what they were saying. Probably something to do with me and my breakdown. All I remember hearing is her voice rumbling through her vines.

"It's okay, I'll look after her."

When everyone was gone, it was just Cybil, myself and her floret.

"It's okay now Honey. They're all gone, you can come out now if you're comfortable."

I remember her saying. I slowly detangled myself from vines. I tried to say something but words just didn't form.

"You're alright, you don't need to talk, you've been having a rough night haven't you? Here drink this."

I nodded sheepishly as she handed me a glass.

"These things happen. Let me guess, it was all just too much for you wasn't it? Affini parties can be overwhelming especially for cute little sophonts like you."

My words slowly started to return "Y... Y.. yes."

"Oh! Look at that, your words have started to come back. What a good girl you are. You were just overstimulated weren't you?"

"I... I... guess. I really wanted to.. to...to be social.. but... I... it's hard"

"You wanted to be social, and you think it's hard. But aren't we being social right now?"

"I mean I guess, but this is different! I know you and it isn't loud and there aren't so many people all talking at once!l

"Mhm, but you don't need to be in that kind of environment to be social. You don't need to be in that kind of environment to make friends. We're friends aren't we?"

"... yes"

"Exactly, and I think my little Alma would also love to be friends with you too, wouldn't you Alma?"

The, up until now, quiet floret piqued up. "Oh yes Mistress! I love making new friends!" She turned her gaze to me, "I would love to be your friend...." she paused and looked up to Cybil.

"Dr. Honey Lewis"

"Dr. Honey Lewis!! Oh I remember now! Miss Acaule has told me a lot about you and how smart and kind you are! Won't you be my friend!?"

I was taken aback for a second from the sheer earnestness of this floret. She wanted to be my friend and she's only just met me? After I was just sobbing into her Affinis vines?

"I... umm.. don't know what to say" I replied

"Silly! You're supposed to say yes!" Said the Floret

"I guess.. yes?"

"Hurray!!! Great yes good!!! I love being friends!! Would you like to play with me? We can do all sorts of games and and!!" Alma went silent as a one of Cybils vines pressed itself against her mouth.

"Hush little one, your excitement is noted, but I think Dr. Lewis is tired after all that excitement. Aren't you Honey?"

I hadn't even noticed until now but after all that crying my limbs felt heavy, and my head fuzzy. "I think you're right Cybil"

"Of course I am. I could tell just how much you want to just get home and sink into your bed. Alma and I'll make sure you get there don't you worry. If you want you can even fall asleep now and I'll carry you?"

I found myself nodding and growing ever more tired with every passing second. Cybil's eyes seemed even more pretty every passing seco....

And then I just awoke back in my bed and it was morning. I... don't know what to make of any of that. I suppose I made a new friend... and Cybil was just so nice to make sure I got home safely. I just hope no one expresses like worry about me when I'm in the office next. I just don't think I could handle that.

Anyways I suppose I should get my day started. This is Honey Lewis signing off

-End Recording-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[aces-solace]

Favorite patient

Chapter two: party fun

Warnings: porn with plot, smut, fingering, semi publicity (public bathroom), throuple. I think that's all. Let me know if there is more.

"I know, I know. How about we meet up at a nearby bar and I'll pay?" I say, though I don't plan on paying as they always end up paying. "Fine, you really owe us one Amari!" Rebecca huffs before hanging up.

Fucking assholes. Whatever, I should go home and change, I wanna get laid tonight. I'm probably lying to myself right now, I always chicken out. They always seem to bother me about it.

Being a virgin at 23? Unheard of.

.

.

.

Fuck, what should I wear? Hm... I rummage through my closet and pull out a pair of knee-length black shorts, "hm... Not bad" I hum, tossing the shorts on my bed. Now a shirt.

I search my closet and pull out a black long sleeved fishnet crop top with black mesh making my chest less visible. Yeah, this'll work. I think I'll wear my fishnet thigh highs with my shorts.

Yeah, perfect.

.

.

.

I feel like a whore. " 'Mari darling~ can you go get some more drinks?" Rachel slurs, putting extra emphasis on the 'darling'. I quickly nod and walk away from the group.

Rachel has always had a thing for me, something I pretend to be oblivious to. I walk up to the counter, "Hi, can I get three cosmopolitan shots over there?" He nods "Thank you" I say, sitting at one of the stools.

My eyes scan the crowd, perhaps looking for my one nightstand, maybe just eye candy. A tall man with white hair catches my eye, next to him is a woman wearing a tight black dress.

Holy fuck,- that can't be... "Didn't know if doctors could drink, Dr. Gojo" "Very funny nurse Geto" he hums back at her. Fuck, it is. I quickly avert my eyes and someone else catches my eye.

A tan man with ripped baggy jeans and a short sleeves black shirt. I wouldn't mind losing my V-card to him.. We lock eyes and he motions for me to come over. Before I can fully stand up someone is pushing me down

"Didn't expect to see you here hun" Geto says, making herself comfortable in my lap "I- uh, I'm here with friends" I say, looking anywhere but at her. "Ah, ah, ah. Eyes on me angel" she coos at me, gently redirecting my gaze to her.

"I-" I see Rachel walking over to us, drink in hand, looking pissed. Fuck. I grab Geto's thighs and flip our position, her sitting in the chair as I hover over her and, as I expected Rachel's drink splashed on me.

"Amari- I am so-" "Here, let me help you dry off in the bathroom" Geto cuts off Rachel. Before I can say anything I'm being dragged to the bathroom by Geto. I walk in and I'm pushed against the door.

Her mouth quickly attached to mine, her tongue exploring my mouth. My hands fall on her hips, griping them tightly. I break the kiss after a few minutes, panting for air. "D-darling please..."

"Darling huh? Hm.. how do you feel about a throuple?" "T-thats fine..." She smiles and pulls me out of the bathroom and out of the bar. I catch a glimpse of a crying and angry Rachel but before I can process it anymore I'm outside.

"Who's the third person?" I ask as we walk towards a sleek black car "Someone you already met" She assured me, opening the car door and pushing me in, not wasting any time getting in and closing the door behind her.

Climbing on top of me and reattaching her lips to mine, "Well hello to you" he says, starting the car. I break the kiss "Hi" I huff out before kissing down her neck, "H-hah.. how many people have you done this too?" Geto asks breathlessly.

"I'm a virgin" I mumble against her skin. "Seriously?" Gojo asks "mhm.."

.

.

.

After what feels like forever we finally get to his house. I carry Geto upstairs to a random room, laying her on the bed. I immediately start attacking her neck again, unzipping her dress and pulling it off of her.

"Ngh! Hah... P-please~" she moans out, though I don't know what she's begging for. I take off her bra, tossing it to the side with her dress. I'm not sure when Gojo walked in but I feel him push me closer to Geto.

Geto is now under me as Gojo is behind me, I think I know what he's gonna do. I quickly put my hand to use, sneaking between her legs and circling her clit with my thumb.

"Hah!... M-more... Please.." she begs, her nails clawing at my back. Who am I to deny such a pretty plea? I push two fingers into her, slowly stretching her out. She cries out so prettily.

I flinch when I feel one of Gojo's fingers pushing into me. "F-fucking hell.." I mumble before attaching my mouth to Geto's nipple. "Mmm! S-so good..." She moaned, I can definitely say the same.

.

.

.

I groan as I slowly sit up. I glance over staring at the parts of Geto and Gojo's body that weren't covered. Bite marks, hickeys, and scratch marks littered all over them. Fucking beautiful.

Then it sets in, the realization. I slept with my doctor and my nurse.

[justskyla-art]

really rough chainsaw devil sketch i made in ms paint last night

[shima-draws]

First (successful) attempt at arting in CSP :”D This took ten years off my life and I questioned myself every step of the way but I learned a lot from playing around in a new program. Will I ever do something this detailed again?? My brain says no but my heart says maybe!!

[chipistrate]

People really need to give Steel Wool a break sometimes, man- They messed up with Security Breach and now people act like EVERYTHING wrong with modern fnaf is all exclusively their fault when it's really not.

[amethystina]

I was reading your answer to an ask about your idea on Ga On not knowing Yohan was dead, and how that would impact his relationship with an alive Soo Hyun. It really stuck with me because I had actually been wondering about something similar, but with more of a twist. You mentioned not really liking it due to that meaning Yo Han was choosing to actually harm Ga On by not telling him, which sucks a lot. I guess I subconsciously had a similar feeling lol because I was wondering about if for whatever reason Yo Han was forced not to reveal he was alive (for example something went wrong with the escape plan or maybe someone dangerous is out to get him so he can't expose Elijah to danger, etc).

This would mean Elijah also wouldn't know, so Ga On would be stuck with the mystery of whether he's dead or alive since he saw the escape plans and maybe later finds out about the Swiss hospital donations, but clearly Yo Han isn't here. It could also be interesting because ofc he's guilty and doesn't know what to do with himself in the aftermath, but he needs to take care of Elijah.

This could also introduce an interesting dynamic where even though Elijah loves Ga On a lot, she also is angry at him for being apart of Yo Han's supposed death, even tho she's super angry at Yo Han too. And of course she's lonely and scared and still needs and loves Ga On, so that might make things more complicated.

Furthermore, we can see Soo hyun's dynamic with Ga On and see their relationship have to change due to their different values and experiences. I think that Soo hyun would of course be upset about all the corruption but she wouldn't fully understand the extent and the inherent corruption in the system. Meanwhile, Ga On, especially grappling with Yo Han maybe being dead "because of him" might have less patience for this and even become reckless or consider actions he wouldn't before due to his frustration with the new corruption in the system and his by-the-book efforts not being able to change things, too tunnel-visioned to consider a different approach like in your WHTD.

I think it would be really interesting to see Soo Hyun's dynamic with Ga On in a way that is two-sided and allows her and Ga On to be more honest with each other and expose, for lack of another word, their true selves or feelings that they were hiding for each other for one reason or another. I think it would also be nice to see Soo Hyun have the chance to fall out of love with him or move on in a sense, even if that'll be probably very tough. I would love to see her growth.

Of course I guess that the main mystery would probably be around Yo Han's "death", Soo Hyun investigating stuff as a police officer and maybe having to directly reckon with corruption in her job and how it is everywhere, and also the new powers trying to take hold after Yo Han basically cleared the stage?

I'm very sorry I overstepped with this ask, I just love your work and you really inspired me, so I wanted to share my thoughts and see if they might interest you.

P.S. This is just me spitballing now, but I think it would be interesting to see Soo Hyun's dynamic with Elijah, as maybe she can be a comfort for her, especially since she's conflicted about Ga On now even tho she loves him. Of course she's not immediately sold on her, and she knows she really dislikes Yo Han, but she tended to agree with those sentiments before and may even think they're fair game or kinda deserved, tho of course she may get upset about it if Soo hyun goes too far or really insists. It might even be a breath of fresh air if Ga On in his grief sometimes struggles to address Yo Han's flaws or focuses on defending him, even tho this is unfair towards Elijah and he regrets it everytime it happens. Maybe Soo Hyun even stays at the house a bit for Elijah and to watch over Ga On, which would be complicated for everyone, like Ga On might struggle with her being in a place he only associated with Yo Han with him not there. And Elijah may feel conflicted about Ga On and Soo hyun maybe ending up together out of her own abandonment etc fears (she doesn't know about Ga On feelings for Yo Han, tho maybe it gets obvious), so she might meddle or lash out, or sometimes even try to bring them together sometimes if she "just wants to get it over with" or smth. I would also like to see her explore not only the grief of losing family like her dad and even Yo Han, but also more specifics on how she feels about her mom.

Ooooooh, that's a really fascinating concept! And would also be terribly painful, in more ways than one x'D

But it would definitely put a rather interesting spin on Ga On and Soo Hyun's relationship. Because Soo Hyun would be alive to be told the truth about the fire and, as you say, have to face the corruption and such, but also deal with a Ga On who, for lack of a better word, would probably get a little bit obsessed with finding Yo Han. He'd probably tell Soo Hyun about his doubts about Yo Han's death and his need to confirm it, but it's more like trying to find a man he hopes is alive but also can't prove is alive.

And how would Soo Hyun deal with that? Would she write it off as a grief response? And try to gently tell him that no, Yo Han is most definitely dead and Ga On needs to move on even if he feels guilty. Or would she agree with him and help him search for answers?

To be honest, I think she'd lean towards the first — out of purely selfish reasons because while she's not proud of it, she kind of wishes Yo Han was dead? Because that means Ga On is finally free. Except she'd realise pretty soon that, nope, Ga On is in no way free. In fact, he's worse than ever and seems even more determined not to let Yo Han go.

Which would probably make her even more determined to "help" Ga On move on.

And I don't mean this as an insult towards Soo Hyun. I'd argue this is the logical conclusion someone would draw if put in her position. Like, sure, Ga On can claim that the blueprints and donations to the Swiss hospital suggest that Yo Han is alive, but the whole "he wouldn't leave Elijah on her own" is a very good counterargument. Also, claiming that Yo Han would fake his own death twice in as many days is kind of ludicrous, you know? (that fucking drama queen, I swear x'D ) So it's more reasonable to assume that, maybe, Ga On is just not handling the grief all that well and is coming up with wild theories to ease his own conscience.

Also, while Soo Hyun would accept that Yo Han didn't cause the fire, I'm worried she might still double down on the rest of the illegal stuff. Like, sure, Yo Han didn't murder his own brother, but he faked the trials and then murdered a bunch of people on live television instead. I think that would be difficult for Soo Hyun to swallow even if she did admit to herself that, yeah, the corruption is bad and those people would probably never have been punished if it hadn't been for Yo Han. But that doesn't mean she has to accept what Yo Han did. Only made worse by Ga On's insistence that Yo Han might be alive and his obsession to find him.

Basically, I think Soo Hyun might stay stubborn because she can still tell that she's about to lose Ga On to Yo Han.

And I think she and Ga On would end up arguing about Yo Han a lot. In a way where both of them are right but also wrong, and they're both too stubborn to reach a compromise because, for once, Ga On isn't going to bend to Soo Hyun's will because it's not just his own well-being that's on the line. He wants Yo Han to be alive not just for his sake and to soothe his own guilt, but because Elijah is grieving, too. And he'd probably get frustrated with Soo Hyun's insistence that no, Yo Han is dead, let it go. Because Yo Han secretly being alive would be good scenario, you know?

Except Soo Hyun doesn't agree because then she'd have to arrest him. And hearing that would make Ga On defensive because, sure, what Yo Han did was illegal but how can Soo Hyun say that she'll take Yo Han away from Elijah again? Can't she look the other way for once? And Soo Hyun would get upset because why is Ga On defending Yo Han all the time? And Ga On would get upset because no, he isn't, he just wants Elijah to be happy. And on and on and on it goes.

The fights they would have, my friends.

And it would kind of turn into an opposite version of chapter 38 of Who Holds the Devil, I guess? Where Ga On is trying to be what Soo Hyun wants him to be, but he keeps taking Yo Han's side because his guilt and grief won't let him do anything else. And Soo Hyun has never experienced that before. She's used to Ga On always taking her side in the important issues and now, all of a sudden, he doesn't. And I do think that would result in her falling out of love with him eventually. If nothing else because, sooner or later — after one too many times when Soo Hyun tries to tell Ga On that Yo Han has been a bad influence on him, corrupting his thoughts — Ga On will have to tell her that no, this is who he is. And who he's always been. And he can't keep pretending that he's all good and righteous.

He's not as bad as Yo Han wanted him to be, but also not as good as Soo Hyun tried to make him.

And, once they reach that point, a lot of things would unravel.

As for Elijah, I think she would flip into becoming Yo Han's biggest defender. Because, sure, even if she often talked shit about him, it still showed that he was her entire world in many ways. And I think her reaction when she finds out that Ga On told Soo Hyun about the document on Yo Han's computer is pretty telling. She didn't look happy at all. And I think that's partly because she felt betrayed — that Ga On would tell someone else something Elijah told him in confidence — but also because suddenly someone else is criticising Yo Han. Someone who might try to have Yo Han arrested. Someone Elijah doesn't know or trust yet. Her relationship with Yo Han is incredibly complex and full of anger and trauma, but she's undeniably protective of him.

So if she genuinely thought Yo Han was dead? Elijah would bite the head off of anyone who offended Yo Han. Especially since she's now gotten Ga On's explanation of what happened during the fire and, provided that she still believes it (which I think she will), it turns out that Yo Han was innocent.

And she just lost him.

And while she's probably also very angry at Yo Han for leaving her — and isn't afraid to express that — I think her sense of loyalty would still kick in every time someone else tries to criticise him. Only she is allowed to do that.

So, to be honest, I think Elijah would be pretty vicious against both Ga On and Soo Hyun. In an eerily similar way to how she felt about Yo Han while she still thought he was responsible for the fire. The difference of course being that Ga On and Soo Hyun would be better at helping her work through that anger, but it would be far from easy. Even more so if Elijah feels that they're in some part responsible for Yo Han's death. But, sadly, she'd still have very little choice in some regards since, well, who else does she have at that point?

So that's a terribly tragic aspect of this scenario: Elijah has to start another cycle of mourning someone she loves while relying on people she thinks are responsible for that loved one's death.

And, to be honest, I'm not sure I have the heart to do that to her >__>

But I find the concept of Soo Hyun staying at the house for a while absolutely fascinating. Because, to no one's surprise, I'm very fond of the concept of the house and what it symbolises in terms of family and belonging. And I agree that Ga On would probably struggle because Soo Hyun shouldn't be there. He loves her, of course, but she doesn't fit in. And, sometimes, he'd probably turn around and almost startle at the sight of her because it's just wrong to see her there.

It should be Yo Han, not Soo Hyun. Those two parts of Ga On's world shouldn't cross like this.

(Complete side note: Imagine Ga On going to Yo Han's bedroom on the nights he can't sleep — which is probably often. It's obviously been left untouched since Yo Han's "death" and Ga On while wouldn't dream of sleeping in Yo Han's bed or anything like that — that would feel both impolite and improper — he'd probably fall asleep in one of the armchairs more than once. Because that's where he feels closest to Yo Han and, most likely, one of the few rooms where Soo Hyun hasn't gone. Or at least not often enough that Ga On will have conflicting impressions. Everywhere else — like the study, the kitchen, Ga On's own bedroom — will have memories of Soo Hyun overlapping those of Yo Han, causing cracks and confusion. But not in Yo Han's bedroom. That room remains Yo Han's and Ga On would protect it like a sanctuary — like something sacred.

Because it is)

But yeah! It would be a spectacular and very fascinating little mess, wouldn't it? And while Soo Hyun and Ga On's relationship would unravel — much faster than if Yo Han had been present — it would also teach them to be more honest with each other. They would have to work through some of the issues they have in their relationship, and while I think they would both try to hold on for a while, saying that no, we still love each other, they'd eventually realise that their romantic relationship isn't going to last. Too much has changed. Ga On is too stuck on Yo Han and Soo Hyun's worldview is slowly crumbling, both when it comes to Ga On and their society as a whole.

They're suddenly moving at different paces.

And, while it might sound harsh, I think Elijah would prefer them breaking up. Even if she'd be angry at both Ga On and Soo Hyun, out of the two of them she'd no doubt choose Ga On. And as you point out, she has some pretty serious abandonment issues. So she'd probably be jealous of Soo Hyun and be afraid that she'd steal Ga On from her now that he is one of the few people she has left. Especially once Elijah realises that Soo Hyun already has tried to take Ga On from her by tryinf to find proof that Yo Han caused the fire. Because that was essentially to prove to Ga On that Yo Han was a bad man he should distance himself from. And, most likely, that would mean distancing himself from Elijah too.

So, uh, Elijah would probably not be sad at all if she was told that Soo Hyun and Ga On are no longer a couple.

But that's just my guess! Or how I would approach it, I guess I should say? My takes are always subject to change, though, as seen with my initial idea where I did a complete 180 and changed my mind about a key part of the concept x'D

Thank you for sharing! It's a very fascinating thought! Though, again, very painful.

Then again, what isn't when it comes to these idiots?

[b4kuch1n]

fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot