#(I will have a limited amount of these for sale later this week!)

[fox-teeth]

Goblin Week 2023 Day 1: PURPLE

printed with violet + fluorescent pink risograph ink ~ prints

[mysongsknowwhatyoudidinthedark]

Okay, here’s my master post on birth control

Opill is an otc birth control. It is progesterone only, so it is safe for people who have migraines with aura and people with a high risk of blood clots. It is not safe for people with a history of breast cancer. You can buy it in 1/3/6 month packs. It’s on Amazon but you can purchase it in stores. If you use a subscription plan for Amazon the first month is cheaper. You can get a 3 month pack for around the price of a 1 month pack if its your first subscription.

Telyrx might or might not ship to your state. They have birth control you might already use + plan b and Ella, which works if you’re at a higher weight. Standard Plan B caps out at 155 pound, Ella works up until 195 pounds. There are several day after pills on Amazon that’s around $15-$16, but I don’t know if it works at a higher weight limit.

Doubling on Plan B is not proven to work. If you do, you should still be fine, but you will have likely feel nauseous and possibly vomit, which could make it not work. You should be good if you vomited two hours or later after taking it. It shouldn’t be too severe.

Plan B can either work up to 3 days or 5 days after your birth control fails. Make sure you read up on what you buy. The ones on Amazon are all 3 day pills.

PlanCPills.org has a list of sites where you can purchase abortion pills. They’re on sale now for obvious reasons. Some are as low as $30. For abortion pill pack for that works up until 12 weeks is not that bad.

The specific website I used is medside24.com. These websites typically require a valid ID. Get one ASAP. Medside24.com had issues with their payment system when I used them today, but it worked out, so please don’t get too stressed. They also will not reship your order if your address is wrong, so make sure your address is right.

Plan B general lasts for four years, Plan C lasts two years because misoprostol lasts two years, but mifespristone lasts 5 years, bc is whatever it is on the package. Keep them away from extreme temperatures as they are very sensitive to temperature changes. Direct sunlight can also damage birth control, Plan B, and Plan C.

The copper IUD can be used with hormonal birth control. Do not use two hormonal birth control types together. There will be side effects in a similar manner to doubling up on Plan B.

You can take Plan B while on birth control but it could cause side effects.

Testosterone is not birth control. Estrogen can make a transfem sterile, but it is not birth control.

The mini pill, also known as a progesterone only pill, has to be taken at the same time each day for maximum efficiency. You have a 3 hour window to take it or else it’ll count as skipping a day and you will be unprotected if you have sex. The Opill counts as a mini pill, so please be aware of that. There is no skip week with progesterone only birth control. You can take the pills in any order, as each pill contains the same amount of medicine.

Birth control containing estrogen and progesterone has a more lenient window. You can take two in one day if you’ve missed one day, but you will be less protected than normal. If you missed two or more, take the most recent pill that you’ve missed and continue taking it as normal. You have to throw out the missed pills. You must take these pills in order because they may contain different amounts of hormones. You can skip the placebo week on estrogen birth control and move on to the next pack.

Feel free to add anything I’ve missed.

[tomorrowsgardennc]

garden update // december 10

we finally have rain, hooray!

i have one 60 gallon rain barrel for about 4 years now that has been amazing since day 1. last year we invested in four 80 gallon rain barrels to capture rain and get us through long droughts and the setup we attempted to do just didn't work out. so for over a year, these 80 gals haven't been collecting anything due to a mixture of physical issues with both myself and hubs and just lack of funds to properly fix it. we finally gave up on the lack of funds and decided to undo the entire system and patch a lot of the work we did. patching is cheaper than trying to fix the setup we tried. we patched one barrel as a test, and it's working!!! so these next few weeks will be slowly patching the remaining three barrels and getting them all connected. only going to take a while because of our physical limitations, but it'll get done!!

speaking of physical limitations... i did NOT expect 200 daffodils to not only be so taxing to plant, but also how much room they would take!! but i wanted them in the ground before all this rain, and i legit cannot wait for spring now to see all of them pop up!

i ordered 100 of the standard yellow daffoldil and another 100 total of various kinds and mixed them all in. i *assumed* 200 daffodils would be the amount i need to take up a 14ft line where the front fence will eventually go... but turns out you only need 100, if even. so i took the rest and lined the raised beds that will have a trellis between them to provide the daffs some shade. there are also some anemones scattered amongst the daffs, and i really want more anemones but those will have to wait until next fall funds.

thats about it, though, for this week. been working on a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff not only for my website to get more online sales and just to make it better but also for an upcoming seed swap and volunteering marketing work for the farmers market too to prep for the 2025 opening. so much going on and i am so excite! later this week will be a lot of greenhouse work, also exciting! so many exciting things coming soon!!

[prosciuttulipa]

What profession would La Squadra be in, if they weren't in the mafia?

aka what normal jobs La Squadra would use their Stand abilities for because I love being a bit silly

Risotto: Blacksmith/Artisan

I feel this is rather intuitive, with Metallica. He's one of the most sought after blacksmiths in Italy, and is famous for producing kitchen knives. Any self-respecting chef knows of Risotto's knives— the word around is that his knives are so sharp, they cut through bone like butter. They require little to no maintenance, not to mention the fact that it takes years for them to start getting dull. Because of their outstanding quality, Risotto's knives are constantly in high demand, so much so that he's able to jack up the prices to eyewatering amounts. They're also limited in stock, since he only makes 52 a year, one for each week.

(He can definitely make more, but why bother? Work smart, not hard.)

He also has other side brands to his blacksmith business. He has a branch for barber supplies—razors and hairdressing scissors, whose blades also share that signature sharpness. He tried to start a side brand for stationery, but quickly stopped production when it was reported that kids had hurt themselves on the scissors and mechanical pencils. Luckily, the scandal was quickly forgiven, seeing that Risotto had covered these kids' medical fees as soon as he was notified.

His favourite side brand, however, is his jewellery. It's a hit amongst the goth and emo communities, who enjoy his horror-inspired designs. There's one design that has been affectionately dubbed 'Ghosties': little monsters with ghoulish faces, wiggling around in bunches. His most popular product is his blood jewellery—buyers send him a vial of their blood, and he transforms it into a jewellery piece of their choosing. The patterns on the metal arise from the makeup of the client's blood, making each piece one-of-a-kind.

Prosciutto: Winery Owner

Rotting is just a hop, skip and a jump away from fermenting, and The Grateful Dead always delivers results.

Prosciutto's wines are an enigma to connoisseurs. A general rule of thumb is that wine is better the longer it's been fermented, but Prosciutto's year-old wines taste like they've been aged for decades. This makes his actual, decade-old wines the pinnacle of decadence: rich, smooth, and unforgiving on the wallet.

His winery produces all sorts, but he's most famous for his red wines. They're full-bodied and complex the way a symphony is, each layer arising with an almost engineered exactness. Many say that he's managed to manipulate the precise amount of fermentation for each component—a compliment that Prosciutto receives with a wry smile.

Most people are happy to accept that wineries have their trade secrets, but Prosciutto's one generates more discourse than most. His winery has been the subject of many a rumour—that he steals and resells other wineries' products; that he adds illegal substances into his wines to make them taste that good; that he's a nepo baby who inherited his father's wine collection and is just slapping his own brand onto old bottles.

It's when an investigative journalist tries to break into Prosciutto's winery, only for his body to turn up in a river a week later, that the rumours stop circulating. There have been a few more attempts to unveil the winery's secrets since then, but each one has resulted in more dead bodies. If it's a competing winery who's trying to do some digging, they find that an entire decade of their wine goes bad the very next day.

Because of this, Prosciutto's winery has also earned the nickname, 'Azrael's Wine'. It hasn't affected sales in the slightest.

Formaggio: Heister

I'm certain that there are other jobs which Little Feet would be useful for, but Formaggio likes to live life on the edge. He's the only person (aside from Illuso) that I can see willingly choosing a life of crime, if he had a chance for a do-over.

So yes, he absolutely would abuse his abilities to steal things. He starts small at first, nicking wallets and watches, taking them off their owners without piquing their notice. But as he grows more confident, he pulls off more elaborate robberies—stealing diamond necklaces off their stands in broad daylight, sneaking into safes by shrinking to the size of their locks, breaking them from the inside out. He's more than able to get in and out without a trace, but Formaggio is a cocky bastard, and leaves a shrunken shoe at each scene, a sign that he was there and got away with it. As his crimes start to gain traction, the shoes earn him the nickname, 'Ken Doll'.

His biggest heist is when he steals the chandelier from Tiffany's. It takes a week to pull off, unscrewing the chandelier slowly and imperceptibly, shrinking parts of it in the night. He has to live inside the chandelier the entire time, but he doesn't mind; it's beautiful, and he feels like he's in a mansion. But as soon as the last screw is undone, he shrinks the chandelier and stuffs it into his pocket, taking off with a triumphant cackle. The only evidence that he was there is a cheeky, normal-sized shoe hanging from the ceiling.

Illuso: Storage Facility Owner (?)

I feel like Illuso is the sort of person you imagine when someone says, "I know a guy," and Man in the Mirror doesn't help his case in the slightest. Or maybe that's how he likes it. Hard to tell, with Illuso.

On his business cards, he's a storage facility owner. He owns several warehouses, and they're well maintained. Companies who store with him are impressed by how neat everything is, not a single dust particle to be found when they retrieve their items. Contrary to popular belief (re: his resting bitch face), he provides excellent customer service, things showing up where and when they're needed without a hitch.

But there are a few things about the operation that feel a bit...off. There are no employees in these warehouses, save for the occasional elderly cleaner. Illuso doesn't hire any delivery trucks for his company, which doesn't line up with the amount of things he has to store and transport. Then there's the matter that all the storage rooms are lined with mirrors. It strikes his clients as strange—what if something falls and shatters the glass?—but they never comment.

One time, a salesman had forgotten his things in one of the storage rooms, having just delivered 20 boxes of supplies. He returned to the room, and to his surprise, found that nothing was in there, save for what he had left behind. Distressed, he went to find Illuso, saying that someone had stolen his company's supplies.

"Relax, sir," Illuso had assured him, with a smile that the salesman didn't dare question, "everything is safe with me, I assure you."

After all, what safer storage is there than a mirror world?

Melone: Fortune Teller for Couples

Melone will be making no strange creatures with Baby Face, but he will be using it to predict couple compatibility, and the character of their children, should they want any.

At first, he started off by giving predictions to his girl friends when they met on Sundays for tea, accurately guessing whether the new person they were dating would be a hit or a miss. It had been all fun and games at first, but when it became clear that Melone's accuracy was damn near perfect, Sunday tea times were taken with all the seriousness of a prophecy. His friends invited more friends, who invited more friends, until he ended up just opening a stall on Sundays to predict couple compatibility.

Apart from his skill, Melone's personality made him a major hit from the get-go. He gave surprisingly good advice that wasn't just "incompatible horoscopes", offering insightful ideas about communication, boundaries and care. However, he would occasionally forget to follow what he preached, becoming enamoured with how pretty a woman's skin was, or explaining in entirely too much detail how fertile someone's husband would be if they wanted children.

He became significantly more careful with his tongue (both literally and figuratively) when he was scouted by radio for his predictions, widening his audience to the entirety of Italy. His show, 'Matching with Melone', aired during Sunday tea times, during which couples would send in their details and horoscopes. There was doubt as to whether or not Melone's accuracy would hold up, but without fail, he managed to predict the fortune or downfall of each couple he interviewed.

Once, a listener rang in, saying that Melone had predicted the outcome of their relationship incorrectly. The man had laughed, and answered, "Darling, Melone is never wrong. Only your horoscope is."

It turns out that, as always, Melone was right. The listener thought that their partner was a Pisces, but it turns out they were an Aries instead. Oops.

Ghiaccio: Freezer Warehouse Owner

Unlike Illuso, Ghiaccio's business is fairly cut and dry. What you see is what you get, with White Album keeping his freezers cold all year round. He's only got one warehouse, located near the coast for fishermen to dump their produce in.

There's honestly not much to say about Ghiaccio's life. He keeps out of people's way, finding them irritating most of the time; his job is a means of money, not purpose. Aside from the daily check that his freezers are still freezing, he spends most of his time relaxing on the dock, hanging out with Pesci (elaborated on in Pesci's part). He hates that the coast is such a popular tourist spot, though. He can't stand it when he hears foreigners mispronouncing Italian words.

Otherwise, it's a quiet existence. Sometimes, when he's feeling it, he'll freeze a path into the sea, standing on the ice to watch the stars.

Pesci: Fisherman

True to Beach Boy, Pesci finds a quiet and fulfilling life as a fisherman. Although his ability ensures that he has a catch every time, he makes sure not to overfish, so that the ecosystem stays balanced. He doesn't have his own stall at the local fisherman's market, preferring to sell his catch from his boat instead. He finds that he's able to converse with the locals in a much more intimate manner this way, taking his time to chat with them instead of hurrying them off for the next customer.

Once he's sold everything for the day, Pesci spends his afternoons trying to teach Ghiaccio how to fish; Ghiaccio had approached him about it, the man saying that he had heard it was a good way to learn patience. It's been slow going. Sitting on the dock and waiting for a fish to bite has not seemed to produce any further patience for Ghiaccio, but he returns day after day out of spite. Though, Pesci likes to think it's a little bit for his company as well.

They talk idly about town affairs and daily life, otherwise happy to sit in silence. Every so often, Pesci will use his ability to guide a fish onto Ghiaccio's line, smiling as his friend lets out a triumphant shout. It feels good, to give back.

[budding-bl-librarian]

Mistletoe Mishaps

Fandom: Cherry Magic

Pairing: Kurosawa Yuichi/Adachi Kiyoshi

Wordcount: 1301

Rating: T (for suggestive themes at the end)

Summary: The Toyokawa team gets together for after work drinks. A suspicious seating arrangement begs for the resolution of a King's Game demand.

Adachi was shutting down his computer for the evening, ready to head home for a quiet weekend, when Asahina set his hand on his shoulder. “You’re joining the sales team for drinks tonight, aren’t you, Adachi?”

Drinks? He hadn’t heard about them going out for the evening. Usually Kurosawa would have told him ahead of time if there was an after hours work function, but this time he hadn’t heard anything. Adachi turned to look up at his coworker and raised an eyebrow. “What are you guys celebrating? Kurosawa didn’t mention anything to me.”

A chuckle came from the older man as he patted Adachi’s shoulder. “Still bragging about your relationship? I guess you guys are still in your honeymoon period.”

Adachi blushed and looked around to make sure no one else had overheard their conversation. Their relationship wasn’t exactly a secret (they had several work friends who knew and had come to the wedding after all), but it wasn’t quite out in the open for everyone either. Thankfully everyone else was busy getting ready to head home and so no one seemed to notice.

“Not bragging, just genuinely curious,” Adachi said in more hushed tones. “We usually talk about upcoming plans over dinner.”

“They just asked me a few minutes ago,” Kurosawa said apologetically as he stepped up to Adachi’s desk, even going as far as to bring his hands together in a small pleading gesture.

“No, it’s really fine. I don’t mind having a drink tonight.” He was getting better at being social after being in a relationship with Kurosawa. While he couldn’t exactly say he was the life of the party, he could hold a conversation, turn down drinks if needed, but also read the room well enough to have a good time. It still wasn’t his favorite way to spend an evening, but if his partner was going, he wanted to attend as well.

Asahina clapped them both on the back and grinned as he turned to head out of the office. “Great! The manager wanted to try the new izakaya that opened down the street. I’ll see you both there!”

It was no wonder the man excelled in sales. He was just the right amount of friendly, but still had a mature air that made everyone comfortable around him. It was why he was one of the few coworkers who knew about their relationship. Adachi was always relieved to know that Kurosawa had someone close by that he could trust and rely on. And that extended to after hours drinks as well. He himself was a big drinker, but he was good at reminding others of their limits and diffusing uncomfortable situations that sometimes arose when heavy drinking got out of hand.

“If you really don’t want to go, I’m sure I can come up with an excuse. You did say you were looking forward to reading Tsuge’s new book this weekend.” 

Adachi smiled at Kurosawa and shook his head. “I don’t mind. I haven’t gone out with the sales team in a while. Besides, everyone would be disappointed if their ace didn’t show up.”

The smile Kurosawa bestowed upon him was so bright it was almost blinding. It was a good thing he was used to it after a year and a half together. Besides, he liked seeing him happy. When Kurosawa was in a good mood it felt like only good things would happen. So he wasn’t worried about socializing or drinking with their colleagues… 

He should have been. 

When they arrived a few minutes later, drinks and appetizers were already being ordered. It was a festive atmosphere, only heightened by the Christmas decorations sprinkled across the izakaya. Trees, lights and even mistletoe hung over and around each table. Garlands lined the walls. It was a bright reminder that the holiday was only a week away.

“Adachi-san, Kurosawa-san, over here!”

Rokkaku, another friend of theirs and the fledgling of the sales team, was grinning at them and waving them over to a spot large enough for two. Weaving their way through the already busy shop, they managed to find their way to the table and sit near the younger man. As they removed their coats, Kurosawa looked around at the already full table.

“Lucky that there was a spot for us to sit together,” he mentioned with a mixture of surprise and relief.

“No one wanted to sit here,” Rokkaku laughed. “So I thought it was meant to be!”

“No one?” Adachi asked curiously. Was it underneath a vent? Had someone spilled something? He looked up and let out the faintest groan. Oh. Oh that’s why this space wasn’t taken.

He nudged Kurosawa and looked up above them. Kurosawa followed his gaze with a bemused smile, but then he froze as well. They were sitting underneath one of the many sprigs of mistletoe that sprinkled the ceiling of the izakaya. Once they noticed, several of their coworkers began to point and laugh. Not at them, but in an almost conspiratorial way.

“You never did kiss during the King’s Game,” one of their coworkers called out. “When we heard you two were coming, we thought maybe you’d finally have to make up for it!”

“Yeah,” called another coworker, “a kiss on the forehead wasn’t in the spirit of the game at all!”

Adachi sighed. He hadn’t even managed to have a single drink yet, but it was clear several of their colleagues were already well on their way to drunk. He was about to brush them off when he felt Kurosawa sling an arm around his shoulders.

“It’s not your first kiss anymore,” he whispered playfully in his ear. “And we are under the mistletoe.”

Heat flared up the sides of his face, burning his ears and neck as well. Was his husband actually going to kiss him in front of all their coworkers just because they were under the mistletoe? Wait… was he actually going to refuse on principle? Here he was, given the perfect opportunity to be affectionate without having to hide, under the guise of mistletoe and repaying an old debt?

To hell with it.

Adachi reached out and took Kurosawa’s face between his hands and pulled him in for a kiss. He could hear the whoops and hollers of their coworkers, the laughter as Kurosawa took control of the kiss and shifted their mouths so he could slide his tongue inside and tease Adachi. By the time they finally broke apart, everyone was clapping and cheering them on. 

“Cheers to the good sports!” The original ‘King’ that had dared them almost two years before, cried out. 

Everyone who had drinks joined in the cheers, but Adachi just shook his head in exasperation. “You didn’t have to go that far,” he mumbled.

Kurosawa winked. “Maybe we should get some mistletoe for our apartment too.”

Adachi’s blush deepend, but he couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped him. “You kiss me like that all the time without it.”

Now Kurosawa leaned in to whisper in his ear, the breathy words tickling his skin and causing him to shudder slightly.  “I can always use more excuses to kiss  you.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, heat sizzling between them. Adachi was tempted to just call off drinking and head home so they could be alone, but Asahina, bless him managed to once again diffuse the situation.

“I think mistletoe only requires one kiss, you two!”

Everyone laughed. Kurosawa’s smile was still warm as he turned to their coworkers and called out. “That’s too bad! Adachi was actually a pretty good kisser!” His joking remark gave Adachi time to pull himself together, promising himself that when they got home, they would continue where they left off. 

Unfortunately… It was a long, long, night.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Totally disagree that Fine Line's success was modest for Harry, wasn't a significant step, and didn't indicate growth. Its sales figures on debut in the US were more than double that of his first album, with almost triple the streaming numbers (I know you disregard the US sales, but Harry, his team, and the record industry certainly do not! 😆) Given the abrupt shift in how music is consumed between 2017-2019, for him to double sales showed a significant growth and expansion of his audience

This was backed up by the exceptional demand for his tour, by Adore You's radio success and build in December/Jan/Feb, and by the positive album reviews and coverage worldwide. All showing a shift in how Harry was perceived as an artist by audiences outside his initial core fandom, and a significant growth in audience attention.

Your metric - judging Fine Line's initial success against his later work which went on to be even more successful- isn't a meaningful metric for judging how its success was seen at the time by Harry or his team (or audiences). Harry's House hadn't happened yet. Fine Line was hugely successful at debut. Harry's House blew the roof off.

I was super happy to see this anon because it means I can talk true chart nerdery.

Just for clarity - I'm comparing Fine Line's initial release not with what came later, but with HS1. I'm arguing that the data we have about Fine Line indicated that in first couple of months Harry had roughly the same number of people spending money on him and roughly the same number of people paying him attention as he did during HS1.

It's impossible to understand this, without understanding the relationship between 'fans who are spending money' to any metrics - including album sales - is not fixed. The 'album as merch' strategy which is going very strong at the moment greatly increases the number of album sales an artist can get out of one fan who is willing to spend money. If there was a clampdown on the rules for this (for example limiting the number of versions that could be put out) then the numbers for TS11 would be way down from either Midnights or TTPD (unless they came up with somehting new). But that wouldn't mean the number of people who are willing to spend money on Taylor will have changed.

I think UK, while there was a move to streaming over this period, there wasn't a lot of change in record label practices around album sales between 2017 and 2019, so the similarity in the two releases is a straight forward argument to make. Fine Line sold roughly 10,000 fewer copies than HS1 in the first week. I don't think that necessarily suggests a 20% drop in people spending money on him. As you say charts were changing rapidly (although UK official charts was always much stricter than Billboard so there was less inflation) - and Stormzy's sales fell by a similar amount so it could just be the changes in how people listen to music and where they spend their money. And even if there had been a change it wouldn't have been that significant.

But in order to understand what was happening in the US - in order to understand if it's true that "given the abrupt shift in how music is consumed between 2017-2019, for him to double sales showed a significant growth and expansion of his audience". We need to look at what was going on with Billboard rules and how record labels were jacking numbers in the late 2010s.

This was the era of bundling. Billboard allowed both merch and ticket bundling. This meant that artists could set it up so that everyone who bought a ticket to a concert also bought an album (although they did have to actually download the album). Artists could also do exclusive merch bundles . Both of these were at their absolute peak when Fine Line was released. Billboard disallowed merch bundles in January 2020 and ruled out ticket bundling in late 2020 (not that they'd been that pertinent for the last six months). The popcast episode about bundling - is a great summary.

Just a quick sidebar bundling was a really shit way of jacking the charts and I'm really glad it's gone - it meant that artists were giving record labels a piece of revenue streams that should be theirs (album and merch sales) and giving them to record labels - just to increase their chart positions. It also put significant extra financial stress on artists with the pandemic. I think these rules changes ended an exploitative practice by labels (there's some good discussion of this on The Road Taken podcast, but I cannot remember which episode).

Both these practices exploded between HS1 and Fine Line - and Fine Line's very high physical sales were greatly increased by both merch and ticket bundling. Harry had roughly 450,000 tickets on sale in the US at the time, they didn't all sell in the first week and they won't all have included the digital download. But combined with the merch bundling - Harry was getting far more album sales per person who wants to spend money on him during the Fine Line release than he had for HS1. He had a new merch bundle the second week of sales, that helped secure him his second number one.Harry had bundled tour tickets for HS1 - but only the small venue leg. There were only 35,000-40,000 tour tickets sold bundled for HS1 and merch bundling was much less advanced.

I'd be surprised if Harry sold less than 250,000 tickets with an album bundled in - that's the difference between HS1's first week and Fine Line's first week - let alone merch bundling. People bought merch when HS1 was released and tickets to the arena legs of Live on Tour, but this didn't count as an album sale. The fact that album sales were higher when these purchases did count as an album sale is not evidence that more people were spending money on Harry.

Ultimately we can't know for sure there's heaps of uncertainty. We don't know the redemption rate. We have no idea of merch sales. There may have been some growth there may not have been. Ultimately I think the increase in sales in the US is probably understood in the same way as the decrease in the UK. Hard to make exact comparisons - but evidence his career remains in a comparable place.

Your point about streaming tripling is worth investigating - but I strongly suspect it reflects the general growth in streaming at this point. 2017 was still very much part of the transition and there was substantial general streaming growth between 2017 and 2019 (there's a better chart out there - but this captures the basic idea). I quickly compared Reputation and Lover - and Taylor had similar growth in streaming numbers over that time. Would love to consider other examples.

You make a number of other claims about Harry's career at the end of 2019/2020 that I think are exaggeration. The demand for his tour was not exceptional - it sold well, but it was easy to get tickets. I bought my ticket to Love on Tour a month or so after the album came out - a really good seat at a really good price. There were some good reviews, but also some very mixed reviews. Adore You did grow on radio, but very slowly. It wasn't in the radio play top 10 by the end of February 2020 and it peaked at 7 on the Billboard 100 in late March 2020. Again this was a success (even if it happened outside the time I was talking about), but it was not an improvement on SoTT on HS1 (which Watermelon Sugar was). You've based your claim that his image and audience claim on these exaggerations. There's no evidence that his image had changed - or that his audience had increased significantly.

None of this is an insult or a criticism. I think there's a lot of evidence that his team were taking a slow build approach - they didn't try to rush and they kept investing in Adore You as a single (which shows their faith in him). This all started because I said that if HS4 saw the same level of success as Fine Line did initially that would be OK.

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

If doomsday isn't my top song on Spotify Wrapped this year, I'll eat my shoe (if MyFitnessPal has the nutrient info, obvs).

I have felt so high. Even now, my eyes feel heavy but pulsing, and not in a fatigue way. My mind feels settled, clear, simple. Maybe I am tired, because I begin to sway when I close my eyes, but my jaw is also soft and everything tingles and I feel so good. I realized yesterday that I haven't had any shakiness that I usually associate with low blood sugar, and all the dizziness I've been experiencing has been pleasurable. I'm learning to sit with hunger and not be ruled by it.

I am concerned by my circulation and how profoundly my fingers and toes go offline after eating a goddamn parfait, but I'll deal with that later.

I had an amazing day on Friday that I've been wanting to write about. I took notes on my phone about it because I didn't want to forget, wanted to come here on my laptop so I could write fully about it. I know that I woke up early, before my alarm, and was able to go to the fitness center to elliptical. I've been increasing the intensity and keeping myself to a 30 minute limit, and I continue to get such an amazing rush afterward, and I've been able to sustain a 170-180ish bpm HR and not have super shitty self-talk or want to stop. I broke a sweat, listened to my MTS radio, and felt so good.

I came home, showered, and took a 5 with my morning meds. I logged into work and finally fucking finished my 1:1 audits, and then fully mapped my remaining to-do list onto my calendar for this upcoming week and that felt really good. I don't think I'll fully catch up this week, but if I can stick to that schedule, I'll have made an un-fireable contribution for the week. That felt really, really good.

What was amazing, though, was that sometime mid-morning I took a second 5 and I started to get that euphoria that I'd experienced with Wilson's 30ER. After wrapping up work around noon thirty, I went to go grocery shopping and I was fucking floating. I looked in my rear-view and my pupils were almost gone, but the fall colors were glowing and it was nearly 70 degrees and I felt so tuned in. I am so obsessed with my new grocery shopping routine for both an intake and budget perspective and I felt the rush of winning both games. I didn't have to talk to a single soul, I was running on black coffee and ACV tea, and when I got home to put my groceries away, I cracked open the last carbonated green tea I had. It had been on sale for a buck because that store will no longer carry them, but they've been so good for suppression that I looked them up to see if I could just buy more. THEY ARE NORMALLY SIX BUCKS A CAN. Oof, no wonder they were delicious, but that's not in my budget. But after chugging that, I went to a second grocery store and felt really good about my choices. I now have a fully stocked fridge and pantry, just in time for Wilson and MUC to come over that evening to make soup dumplings from scratch and watch Wine Country.

After grocery shopping but before they arrived, I was obsessed with how I felt. My notes say "eyes delayed laggy, pupils small, beautiful colorful day, fast and fluid, pulsing face, maybe some swallow, 20hh!!! I miss that tea already" OH YEAH BECAUSE I made it twenty fucking hours!! I've still basically been at a normal amount, if not a few hundo more than MFP recommends, but I've been so fucking good at maintaining my streaks and not taking in junk or spending money or getting blasted like I want to. My macros have been good, my ability to eat mindfully and singularly has been useful, I'm slowing down and paying way more attention, and it all feels better. I've noticed my body is more tired, and I'm wondering if it's the lack of rest days, but I've also been good about moving my body a lot. At one point while doing push-ups (and struggling to reach my previous max), I had the terrifying thought "to what end..? how long do I keep this up? Is this sustainable? When will I know I've made it..? am I happy living like this?" and quickly pushed that aside and kept going, because I know why I'm doing this: I want to save money, not be ruled by impulses, not numb and expand and soften and let my body fall to ruin. My mental health is sharper than it ever has been, my skin is clearer, I'm visibly cut with muscle in my arms and abs, I'm witnessing my ability to state a goal, pursue it, and achieve it - I'm learning to trust myself. I am saving so much money, I'm breaking my addiction to sugar and junk, I'm preventing god knows how many health disorders that my friends and family are struggling with who eat "normally" and I like having a game to play to keep me occupied. My hunger and cravings used to rule my whole fucking life, and I know I'm obsessed in a new way now, but I'm still building the habits and breaking the cycles and I DO want to maintain this. Not this level of effort and vigilance forever, but I've been atrocious to my body for a very long time and it'll take time for this to become my new default, to rule my intake instead of letting it rule me, to crave the satisfying choices and only take in what I need and use it effectively to be strong and capable and have stamina and discipline.

Ok now I'm tired. I've had a few later nights but I've kept waking up early, and I'm grateful for that, but I'm hoping I can take a bath after cleaning and go to bed early tonight.

I dunno man, I like what I'm doing. I know it's taking a lot of effort and it's isolating and secretive but I love having something that's just for me, something I'm not constantly gabbing and preaching about, something that's mine to control. I love seeing my progress. I'm learning about myself and I like the simplicity, the solitude, the control. I feel safer than I have in a long time, happier, more motivated. I have no intention of going back to the way I was.

[lorbanery]

If there's one piece of advice I have for people trying to start a business, whether it's a shiny glossy corporate thing or an etsy store with a single listing, it's this:

Limit the number of orders you accept at a time.

I know that the massive billion dollar international mega-corporate landscape has normalized this idea that, unless there's a crisis or a product/service is being discontinued, there should be no limits on how many people can order, it should just be an open free-for-all.

But while that might make sense for a multi-billion dollar business with hundreds of warehouses and hundreds of thousands of employees? That's not practical for you, a single person, and whatever help you're able to hire that barely registers on a chart comparing you to Amazon.

You need to think about how many orders you can fulfill in whatever your restock period is. And when I mean "fulfill" I don't just mean "how much product do you have on hand". I mean the entire process. Going through each order, collecting the product(s) ordered, printing shipping labels, printing receipts or any other notes, wrapping the products to protect against shipping damage, packaging them, getting them into the hands of your shipping service. If you're making the product/service, also time yourself making one or more, even if you're making them ahead of time because you want to make sure your crafting process is keeping apace with your restocking schedule.

A good way to do this is to literally go through the entire process and time yourself. If you did multiple packages/pieces in a sitting, you'll also want to assess how you're feeling, physically and mentally. Did you get bored after two minutes? Would that be helped by simply putting on something to listen to or watch, or would that be just distracting? Is your back killing you? Is that something that can be helped with buying a better chair or is it more feasible to simply limit the amount of time you're working at this?

Now you have an idea of how much time in a day you're capable of dedicating to fulfillment/crafting, and how many orders/products you're capable of fulfilling/crafting in that time. Once you've determined how many times in your restock period you can devote to fulfillment/crafting, you can figure out the number of products you should be limiting your stock to to make sure you sales aren't outpacing your fulfillment capabilities.

Please. I've seen so many callouts of small online businesses throwing around the word "scam" where it really seems like the business owner just wasn't able to keep up with the demand. And online businesses can be extremely precarious to begin with! Once Tiktok's decided you're a scam because you took people's money but didn't ship their order in the time period your website promised (or worse, you never even put an estimated shipping time on your site), it's going to be hard to come back from that.

Do yourself a favor, save yourself some stress and angry emails, and just. Limit. Your. Stock.

The customers will come back next week. And bonus, more of them will come back even later when they need to buy more.

[smallerplaces]

Bye bye, Barn Buddies Eva!

When I dealt with my mother's collection of roughly 1000 dolls, I did a final weed-down of dolls I was keeping (some from my own much smaller collection). The "final" result was 19 fashion dolls of characters with canonical ages from late childhood to adulthood, plus a few 4" small girls. And the deal was that while 20 was not a firm limit, it's a good estimate on how many dolls I'm able to manage happily, so anyone coming in means evaluating whether someone should go out.

Well. I bought two fashion dolls at Family Dollar last week, both of them massively on-target for my interests. (These will be unboxed in a later post.) These are the first dolls I've bought since late 2019, so it's not like I'm bingeing, but it meant someone marginal needs to go.

When I'd done the final cut, I'd thought "wow, a 1:9 articulated doll, I remember when ToyBoxPhilosopher featured a couple and they seemed so cool." My mother was obsessed by TBP and kind of hated her by the time TBP took her break from blogging, so of course when TBP talked about this size, Mom had to buy one (probably around 2017).

Having a ton of points of articulation in a 1:9 doll is genuinely cool. In the late 2010s, there was a period after the first enthusiasm for Barbie Fashionista and before the introduction of Made to Move Barbie when getting articulation in a fashion doll meant you were either (a) collecting Monster High [which was at its peak of cleverness and popularity] or (b) going on a treasure hunt for wild and varied alternatives.

This doll has extraordinary amounts of articulation, especially for her size. She's got wrists and ankles! She's got thigh rotation!

As a result, she can not only sort of touch her head, as the top pic shows: she can sit and kneel with stability.

At this point, I was still assuming she was a Breyer riding doll, because I remembered TBP reviewing the "Let's Go Riding Western" set in 2014. But no! There was, around the same time, a review of Paradise Horse's "Barn Buddies," and that's what Mom bought.

That makes a substantial difference in resale value, as there's a secondary market for Breyer riding dolls in good condition, but sales of Paradise riding dolls on eBay are sparse.

I even waffled a little, as 1:9 dollhouse furniture finds often entice me, but those can be used as standalone display pieces for Skipper and Stacie, or as Barbie furniture if we're not too picky. But... I don't want a second one of these, and in posing her for pics, I realized I just wasn't that into her.

She's an awkward size for making friends. Although she's only a little taller than Stacie, she's clearly meant to be more mature. (Yes, Skipper is going through an awkward period. I need to sew her some outfits.)

Eva is way too big to party with the taller dollhouse dolls, Britney and Unidentified Tenant of Britney. (Yes, that's a Britney Spears 7" doll, another of Mom's finds. I do love this one. She lives in a mansard mansion with a rental unit on the top floor. More on that later.)

I was going to list Eva for $5.99 on eBay and see what happened, but while taking her tasteful nude shots, I discovered that her arm joints are so loose that she can't hold a pose. On a super-rare antique doll, you can risk selling that way with a lot of disclaimers, but on a low-cost play doll, that is standing in the middle of the highway and asking to get negged. So into the donation bag she goes, since the condition is acceptable for a $2 play doll.

Goodbye Eva. Trust your rebel heart, take the road less traveled.

[2326315]

Economically underprivileged going hungry

Wolverhampton’s impoverished are under food crisis with soaring food prices.

By Dayoun Chin

Tue 9 May 2023

WOLVERHAMPTON, May 9 – The price of living has increased rapidly in the United Kingdom, increasing by 15.7% in April, breaking the record for the highest inflation rate in the food category, according to the British Retail Consortium (BRC). Helen Dickinson, the Chief Executive of BRC said, “We should start to see food prices come down in the coming months as the cut to wholesale prices and other cost pressures filter through.” Despite the positive outlook, the already-squeezed households are suffering from the shortage of food.

On April 22, the Elias Mattu Foundation Food Bank located in Owen Road, Wolverhampton announced on its Instagram account its possible closure. “As much as we don’t want to, we might have to close the Elias Mattu Foundation Food Bank. We have enough food for another two to three weeks. We feel so sad today to announce this news. Hoping for a miracle to continue our food bank,” the post said.

The Elias Mattu Foundation Food Bank supports families, the elderly, and international students in financial hardships by sending food parcels including staple food, tinned food, and vegetables. With the local food banks being threatened to close, those who are in need of help are at risk of getting their food cut off.

So-eun, 22, is an international student studying at the University of Wolverhampton. “I worked multiple shifts back in Korea to earn the living expenses for my time here in Wolverhampton. I cannot work in the United Kingdom because I do not have a visa, so I have a limited amount of money to spend during my stay here.”

She saved more money than the estimated amount of expenditure, based on the total spending of her seniors who studied in the United Kingdom, but it is running out.  “Everything is so expensive now compared to their price a few months ago. This means I have to cut down expenses somewhere, and I have no choice but to eat less. I don’t remember the last time I ate out. I am comparing the prices for every item I purchase, down to decimals, and it is wearing me out. The currency exchange rate getting worse for me, making the situation even worse. I might even have to reach out to my parents for extra money next month, something I desperately wanted to avoid. It just feels impossible for me to make ends meet,” she said.

So-eun used to buy fresh groceries like meat, fruit, and vegetables but said her eating habits have changed due to inflation. “Nowadays, I am buying more frozen food, instant noodles, and items on sale near expiry dates to fill my stomach. The cheapest eggs that I am buying are rarely in stock because everyone is buying the same ones. I go to the grocery store in time for them to restock, just to make sure,” she added.

“I am skipping meals as well. I used to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but I am having brunch or skipping breakfast altogether. It is cheaper and more filling to have big meals with my friends and flatmates at dinner rather than eating by myself, and I know many of my friends are in the same situation. We are shopping bulk products and splitting it up to cut the expenses, too,” said So-eun. She regrets not doing it earlier on.

Bruce, 48, is living in Dudley Street, Wolverhampton with his dog. He has been getting help from passers-by. “I get by from the changes and food. Everything has gone up ten pence or more, and I am forced to make cheaper choices because my dog and I completely rely on the help of others. Thankfully, people here have been really generous, and they are helping me out constantly despite the inflation,” he said. People walking by him on Dudley Street have been sharing their food and change, even handing some snacks to his dog. Bruce did not immediately eat the hot pizza given to him by a pedestrian. Instead, he put it in his backpack to eat later when he became really hungry because he never knows when he will get food.

He is not reaching out to food banks or churches for either financial or food aid because he feels like there are people who need more support from those facilities than he does. “I just wish the government will offer more housing opportunities and food for the homeless,” said Bruce.

After speaking out about their difficulties, the Elias Mattu Foundation Food Bank has received donations, including one thousand pounds from a single donator. Urgent donations in need include tinned food like beans and tomatoes, cereal, and rice. “We need your help with donations to continue our support for the elderly and vulnerable people in need,” the Elias Mattu Foundation Food Bank stated.

[usmiletk]

⚠️ [INFO] V's "Layover" ends its 1st day on Hanteo with 1,672,138 copies sold, the best-selling album of all-time by a soloist!

⚠️ Hanteo deleted the order from Vbar. They should’ve worded this differently cause it’s their fault and not an ‘overcount’ if the sales can’t count for the first day but will count for the first week. The quantity are all real purchases as you can see the proof from Vbar.

This is unprofessional! This a real time sales and a preorder is a preorder and should still count!

The Reason: the amount of sales from Vbar was too large and the company couldn’t meet the order volume with the current factory shipment since it’s weekend. After directly contacting Hanteo, the company made arrangements with the supplier through Hanteo and canceled the order from Vbar. The sales will be added later and won’t count for the first day but will count for the first week.

Hello, this is China V Bar.

About this album's number that shown on Hanteo sales, we have placed 815515 orders during 19:00KST. The supplier confirmed that the number of orders is too large, and the supply is limited, resulting in the order part of the display needs time to reflect, and coincides with the weekend list will not be displayed, the sales that are not displayed will be reflected in the next week on the Hanteo. The quantities are all real purchases, and we are deeply sorry for what happened, sorry for everyone who was looking forward to us, and sorry for Taehyung who has worked so hard on this album🥲We're really sorry our orders couldn't show for the first day.

⚠️ Kpop merch issued an apology as they didn’t secure the quantity that was ordered via them and only took the fans money in advance. They didn’t have stock volume or enough quantity in stock to complete the order which affected his first day sales. This is so unprofessional..

They issued a notice they will complete the orders and the sales will start reflecting from next monday.

Hello, we're KPOP MERCH.

(2023.09.09 00 : 01: 38)

First of all, we sincerely apologize for Hanteo Chart error written about 'V Layover weverse album ver.'

On September 8th, the pre-orders for which the final orders were not completed were listed in Hanteo Chart. It was confirmed that this was a clear violation of Hanteo Chart regulations, and the sales volume was deleted.

Hanteo Chart reflection on the album sales will be reflected sequentially by date from the final orders completed from next Monday.

Once again, I apologize for the chart error written and try to prevent a recurrence.

Thank you.

⚠️ Some army are blaming Vbar. Unbelievable! They walk on their head! How can you blame Vbar when they purchase the same way as they always did for BTS and this situation never occurred. And some people who preordered one month ago are also facing the same problem! Company’s Stan 🙄

Vbar: “No matter what kind of criticism, we will accept that. But from before, our orders for bts group would be placed on the last day like this. So once again, we apologise to you all, definitely, we know the person we should most apologize for is our dear boy.

No matter what, Taehyung owns the highest sales in Korea, China, and all over the world, just remember that!🙇🏻‍♀️”

[INFO] V becomes the first solo artist in 23 years to sell 2 million copies with an album “LayoVer” (with only 2 versions) in its first week in South Korean history, doing so in ~6 hours since its release. 👑🥂💜🔥

The last album to surpass this milestone was <Let Me Love> by Jo SungMo in 2000.

Cr: @/koreansales_twt

[deardragonbook]

Writing Reference - Couple of things you do when you grow up without money

I chose to use the wording grow up without money here, because poverty is relative. I mean, so is money but words are also limited. 

To offer up context, I’m basing this of my own experience and I grew up having very limited amount of money at my disposal, but I was never lacking in food or a roof or anything like that. But there are a couple of things I’ve done my entire life, still do, and I realised, not everybody does. So let’s talk about some of those stuff for writing sake. 

1.- I am constantly comparing. When I got my first job at 16 (and I mean 16 and a week, I did not wait long), everything I wanted had to be worth the time. A computer? I would love one, a cheap but functional one is 200 euros, I earn 5 euros an hour so that’s about 40 hours of work. I’m going to use a computer for many, many hours so... worth it! I also compared things to donuts, because the four park of donuts was 1 euro so a computer would be 200 packs of donuts. 

This is something I still do. Which is problematic because my current salary is 3 euros an hour, and I need to buy food. So I’ll be in the supermarket like, yeah, that’s cheap and all, but 3 euros is one hour of my work and I don’t take long to eat it, so... ya know.

My boyfriend has to constantly remind me, that’s a stupid way to think, but it’s hard and I don’t think I’m anywhere close to being able to turn it off. 

2.- Over-analysing every single purchase. It’s okay for big things, it’s a small problem when you’re analysing phone chargers with a fifty cent price difference, the durability of face masks or watching twenty minute YouTube reviews about a cheap pack of scented candles because, going back to point one “one euro fifty is half my salary and if this candle doesn’t deliver the amount of hours it has promised I will regret it later”. 

3.- Over-purchasing things on sale. It’s counterproductive to the goal, but I mean, come on, if the donuts cost 50 cents instead of a euro, how can I not buy it? What do you mean I don’t eat donuts? That’s because they’re expensive, so I best buy seven packs while they’re cheap. You do not need to know the amount of canned goods I have accumulated through sales. And yes, they last for ever. But yes, they also occupy space in my tiny kitchen. 

4.- Anxiety from throwing things away. Literally anything, I have to find a use for it, I have boxes of literal rubbish, which, yes, I do use in crafts. I have food in my fridge (in closed containers obviously) that went out of date long ago but throwing it out causes so much anxiety that I just leave it there until my boyfriend can come up and get rid of it for me. 

If I get free headphones with anything, do I need them? Not at all, will I hold on to them as though they were the best thing to ever enter my house? Yes. 

5.- If you get the chance to get something for free, but it requires a choice, expect a lot of analysing. Even if it’s a stupidly small amount of money. I had a couple of euros in Google credit from doing surveys and I don’t know how many hours I spent analysing the PlayStore for the best choice of games. (I got the game threes for a euro, honestly, good investment, very enjoyable). 

6.- Free is free. Are Google Surveys worth my time for the credit they give me? Yeah, actually, I’d recommend it if you are an android user. But I’ve also written 10k word stories on a subject I did not like for 4 dollars, not even euros. I’d say this was a low point, but I fear I’d still take the job today. I don’t actually have more money coming in then I do going out. Which is normal because I’m a student and my income comes from an internship that I do part time for practically no salary. I know it’s normal and I can make up for it later, but I feel as though if I don’t do the work I am offered, even if it’s not fair, by turning down any money, I become culpable of my situation. So, any offer for money, I’ll take. Even if that goes against my morals (minimum wage), against my health (waitressing jobs in the summer that push me to my limits) or just plain common sense. 

I know a lot of people are like this. And, I have to point out you should value your time. But, if you can’t, if you need to do the job, at the very least, try not to feel guilty if you didn’t do that good of a job. That writing job for 10k, they asked me to rewrite it, claiming my quality wasn’t high enough (I’d already done several revisions and there was open communication, however the deal was for a first draft which is never going to be the highest quality). And I put my foot down, I explained that I was earning less then 50 cents an hour and I wasn’t going to put more hours into it. Thankfully they still paid my my well earned four dollars, but I think the ability to put foot down was more valuable than the money this time. 

7.- When something breaks it can easily cause burn-out or emotional breakdowns. I’m living in an emotional breakdown this year, and part of that is because my ipad (which I am super proud of because I bought second hand years ago for next to nothing) is struggling. It’s very old now, the battery is on the way out, updates are done, and it has several glitches. I depend on my ipad for taking digital notes for university and I don’t think I could go back to using a pen and paper. But the idea of buying a new one is absolutely terrifying. To the point where if I actually stop to think about it, and realise it’s like a year of my income, well, I get physically ill. 

In fact, money is probably the biggest cause of mental breakdowns for me. Even when I’m doing well financially. Because I know what it’s like to eat less than recommended portion sizes in an attempt to save a couple of coins. I know what it’s like to track every single cent. 

8.- The fear of having nothing never really goes away. The fear that if I make the wrong financial decision, I will lose everything and somehow end up homeless or unable to buy food... it’s a stupid fear. It’s pretty much impossible because I have family, I have friends. But... it’s something I cannot shake. It’s fear that follows me everywhere. And I can’t say that this fear will never go away, because I’m a student, I have never truly grasped financial stability. But I can’t imagine a life without it. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to go to the supermarket without flinching at the prices, but I don’t think I’ll ever truly be at peace with money. 

You know the expression: Money won’t buy happiness? Of course you do. Did you know studied have actually been done and it’s kind of true? It’s true over a certain point of money. Which, makes sense, obviously. But I always think about this expression, because people say it to me when I’m obsessing, and I get angry with them. Because I’ve always been beneath that line, more money has always meant more happiness, because it’s always meant further stability. 

But it’s a stupid thing to be angry about. Because yes, they are being ignorant, but the truth is, people who say this, probably have never lived bellow that line. And that’s good. I think it’s good that there are people out there who get to grow up without that stress. 

And it’s important to realise in today’s society, there are a lot of people who are rich in a way that is wrong. But there are also a lot of people who may feel rich to us (us being the people who are bellow this line), but they aren’t really the problem. The middle class isn’t the problem, even if they are comfortable. And if I truly start going on about financial inequality... well, we’d have a couple more posts because I study finances and am specialising in ethical finances including inequality, so, I’m going to leave it here. 

I hope these eight observations are useful to your writing, or just interesting in general. 

As usual,  check out my book, stories I’ve written plus other social medias: here.

Also, if you find yourself lacking in money and don’t think you’re spending that much, please keep track of your money? Excel is a great tool and you will surprised! 

If, money causes you a huge amount fo anxiety like me and you do not too much financial trouble, please stop keeping track of your money and just occasionally check your bank balance because the obsessive control is causing you more harm than good at this point. 

Love you all and have a great day! 

[enthusiasticharry]

Swan Lake

summary: you've recently audition to be the White Swan in the Royal Ballet’s next production, only to learn that the new choreographer, Harry, will make this experience a lot more thrilling. 

author’s note: hiya! sorry the has taken so long but I've been busy with classes and only just had time to sit down and write this. this has been an idea of mine since i first saw harry’s snl promo when he was in the tutu and i'm glad i can finally share it!

word count: 10.6k words of smut, fluff and me trying to sound like i have a clue what i’m on about whilst describing ballet moves (i'm no ballerina, just a pre-warning) 

masterlist    |    asks

Even from being a small child, it had been your dream to become a dancer. You had originally gotten into dancing when you were very little, watching the different dancing programmes on the TV. You can remember like it was yesterday, the day you first watched the Royal Ballets performance of Swan Lake. You were around six, and you remember your mother flicking through the TV guide and seeing it and deciding to put it on, much to your detest at the start. But, you found yourself mesmerised as you watched the dancers flitter across the screen with such elegance and grace that you knew straight away that in the future you wanted to embody. It wasn’t the easiest occupation to get into, and it was very draining upon your body. But you loved it, and you were always going to — until you physically couldn’t anymore.

“Have you heard about the new choreographer?” Ethel, your friend asks as you walk towards the academy. You shake your head, “Apparently he’s very fit.”

“But he’s a choreographer.” You curl your nose up, “No choreographers are ever fit. They’re all old and hate the world.”

Ethel shakes her head, “This one is. He’s not too older than us either, but apparently he’s one of best Ballerino’s to ever walk out of the Royal Ballet School.”

“That’s a bold statement.” You say, pulling your bag tighter on your shoulder, “What is he choreographing?”

“The solos, I think.” Ethel adds, holding the door open as you both walk through, “He’s taking over Vernon.”

“Thank god.” You sigh, letting the door close behind you, “He was a horrible man.”

“He was.” Ethel laughs, “At least he’s someone new. We haven’t had a new choreographer in a year.”

A year ago, you and Ethel had graduated from the Royal Ballet school in London and you immediately joined the Royal Ballet. After auditions upon auditions you both had made it to the shortlist and then even made it through to the corps de ballet and were preparing for the audition for Swan Lake. You were positive that you wouldn’t get in, but you were also positive that you wouldn’t get into the school, never mind to the actual Royal Ballet.

Even though you felt like you had made it in life, you certainly hadn’t just yet. Today, you were auditioning to dance as White Swan. It was the next step into completing your dream completely. You were nervous to say the least, and you don’t think you’ve ever practiced something so much in your life.

“Are you ready for this?” Ethel asks as you walk into the back room, where there were quite a few other people who were obviously auditioning for other solos within the ballet.

You sigh, sitting down on the floor and starting to tie your pointe shoes, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“You’ll smash it.” She smiles.

“I certainly hoped so.”

You were third to go, which wasn’t too bad. You certainly didn’t want to go first but you didn’t want to go last either. You were nervous, but you felt as though you dealt with it well and floated across the dance floor. You hated to say it, but you did find yourself being distracted quite a bit by the new man in the room, sat at the end of the table with a notebook and pen, watching intently as you dance and making certain notes. None of the choreographers made any hints that you were doing anything good, or not so good for that matter.

“Thank you.” The man said, his voice as soft as silk, “We’ll get to you shortly.”

A week later you were making your way to the notice board, where the solo and cast list were being posted. Ethel was in a rehearsal, so she wasn’t able to come with you and you found yourself being even more nervous due to being on your own.

You hung back and watched as other people rushed towards the list. You had just finished a pointe class, and your muscles were aching and you didn’t feel quite like making a huge scene trying to see the list. You watched as some people had very happy faces, and other had quite disappointed ones.

The group had dispersed quite a while ago, but you still found yourself stood in the corner. You had even started to pretend to scroll through your phone to distract yourself from actually going up to look at what it says on the sheet.

“I don’t think you can see the list from back here.”

You eyes flick up to the voice that startled you from your scroll. The man, who you had since the audition had learnt was called Harry Styles, stood across from you with one corner of his lips curled up.

“I was, uh.” You tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear, “I was psyching myself up to look.”

“I’d go look if I was you.”

You nod your head and walk up the sheet, flicking your eyes down until your saw ‘White Swan’. What surprised you even more was the sight of your name in the column next to it. You eyes widen and you turn to look at Harry, who’s stood leant against the wall next to you. He smiles at you, nodding your head as you look at him with a confused look upon your face.

“Me?”

“Yes.” He nods, “You.”

“I got it?” You’re in complete shock, “Me?”

“You did. You earned it. You have one of the best form’s I’ve ever seen in my life. It was an unanimous decision, and you were the certain choice.”

“Wow.” You smile, “Thank you.”

“It’s really no problem.” You watch as he turns slightly to walk away, “Don’t let us down, though.”

You really hoped you wouldn’t. You hadn’t worked harder for something in your entire life, and he was mistaken if he thought it would be the same for this. It was your dream, plain and simple. It was hard to have a dream that lasted only the first thirty years or so of your life. If you were only going to get a limited amount of time to do this, you were going to make the most of it and you had made your first step by doing this.

“I won’t.” You nod your head, “I promise.”

“Good.” And with that, he’s gone.

The first day of rehearsals came quicker than you expected, but you had spent every minute of every day thinking about this day. Ethel had landed a role in the corps de ballet which she was proud of, and you were proud of her for doing so too. It meant that you both were going to be in the performance and go to all the main rehearsals for the group dances. Ethel wouldn’t have to come to the solo rehearsals, which was understandable, but at least you still had the time together now.

“Have I told you how much I really love that leotard?” She says as you shrug your coat off, revealing your black leotard which you’ve paired with a blush pink jumper that falls off your shoulder to match your pointe shoes.

“It’s just a simple black leotard.” You shrug, “It’s nothing special. I think I got it on sale.”

“You style it well, though.”

You sit on the bench and lift your feet up, slipping your toes into your pointe shoes. They weren’t comfortable, that’s a given, but you were used to it by now. You went to your first ballet class at seven years old, and you were now twenty-three. Sixteen years of wearing these shoes frequently meant that your feet had gotten very used to feeling.

“Thank you, Ethel.” You smile, grabbing your water bottle and following her as she walks out of the door and towards the training room.

“Do you think Harry will be here?” She asks, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

You shrug, “I don’t know. Possibly. He does solos so he isn’t technically required to be here.”

“He does. It’s the first rehearsal, though. He may want to at least show his face to the rest of us.”

You laugh, “You just want to see his face, Ethel.”

“Maybe I do.” She doesn’t even hide the blush on her cheeks.

In the training room, groups of dancers stand together either stretching or talking. It’s important to stretch and warm up before anything you do, so you and Ethel find a spare spot by the bar and start to stretch your muscles. You stretch every morning quite intensely, warming your muscles up for the day just because you know that you won’t get a lot of time to do so when you arrive at rehearsals and they even ask you to do so before you come so it works better. It’s nice to just refresh your muscles when you arrive, though.

“Can I have everyone’s attention?” Holland, the main choreographer says as her and a few other people walk into the room, “Welcome all to this years production of Swan Lake.”

A chorus of claps circle around the room, smiles all around as everyone congratulates each other on getting a part. It was very hard to get into productions like these, so you weren’t surprised that you were around the best of the best.

“I’m Holland, I’m pretty sure all of you know me but I’d like to introduce you all to the rest of the team.” She motions to the people behind her, “Isabella is in charge of Pas de deux this year and Harry is in charge of Solo’s, more specifically the Black and White swan’s solos.”

You immediately feel your heats cheek up, knowing that you and whoever is playing the Black swan will be spending time with him. You couldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t a handsome man, because he certainly was, but he was your choreographer and he spoke to you in a tone the other day that you couldn’t quite pinpoint but you knew that you weren’t too keen of.

“Today we’re taking it easy, and just introducing some of the group dances. Can both the White and Black swans see Harry, please?”

You freeze with your eyes upon the floor, not wanting to look up.

“That’s you.” Ethel nudges your shoulders.

You nod and stand up, walking towards the corner of the room where Harry stands as well as another girl who you know is called Frances, from being in a few of your classes during school. You smile as you walk over, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. Behind you, everyones already stood and following what Holland is saying.

“Hope you don’t mind.” He smiles, “But I just want to discuss some things with the two of you before proper rehearsals start.”

You both follow him out of the large training room into one of the smaller practice rooms that people can you use whenever they want. You find yourself lagging behind as you walk, the feeling of nerves bubbling within you. You have had one solo before in your life, but it certainly wasn’t as important as this one, and you felt yourself getting more and more worried with every second.

“It’s important that the two of you know that I’m your main choreographer, but also that you’re in the group sessions when they’re on.” You both nod, “There aren’t a lot, because even in the group dances you have a lot of solos so you are with me a lot more than in there.”

“That’s why we got these parts though, right?” Frances says, a smile across her lips that you can just tell isn’t a sweet one.

“Not really.” He tilts his head to the side, “You got these parts because we think that you’re able to make the role yours and work hard for it. We can take it away just as easy as we’ve given them you.”

You nod your head and Frances does too, but there’s a little huff that escapes her lips as she does so.

“Our rehearsals start tomorrow, with the White swan, and they’re all going to be in this room.” You nod, but you don’t take any notice of what Fran does, but you guess she nods too, “Just so you know, I don’t appreciate lateness or laziness whilst in the rehearsal.”

“Understood.” You smile, tucking a piece of your hair behind your head.

“Good.” He nods, “You can both return to the main group.”

The next day you find yourself walking into the studio ten minutes before the rehearsal is set to start. The door is open when you walk in, but no one is in which your thankful for. You place your bag down in the corner and start to put your pointe shoes on.

“Morning.” You jump out of your skin at the sound of Harry’s voice walking into the room, “Didn’t mean to make jump.”

“It’s okay.” You chuckle, “I was in my own world and wasn’t paying attention.

He smiles and drops his bag in the corner next to yours. He walks closer to where you’re stood and leans against the bar.

“Have you stretched?” He asks, shrugging off his hoodie. You try not to stare at his physique, but it’s hard not to. Especially when you notice the tattoos that you can see across his arms and his check and stomach underneath the white wife-beater he had on. He also had one some joggers, but you knew it wouldn’t make the best first impression if you continued to stare at him.

“Before I left.” You say, “Not since I got here.”

“We can stretch together.” He says, “Do you use the bar.”

You nod and stand up, smoothing down the wispy bits of your hair that had escaped your bun. You pull your jumper up on your shoulder also, due to the material slipping off everyone once in a while. Your eyes drift to watch as he starts to stretch, using the bar to stretch his peculiarly long limbs. Average male ballet dancers that you’d met in your life hadn’t been as tall as he was, but he had a sort of elegance to him even when he was only stretching that his long limbs only extenuated.

“Have you been dancing long?” You certainly hadn’t expected him to be making small talk with you, but here he was.

You nod, “Since I was seven. Have you?”

“I was ten.” He says and your eyes widen, “I was quite late, to be honest.”

That was quite late, you had to agree with him. Most ballet dancers that you met within your life started even earlier than you, and a lot of them were surprised that you’d started so late but were so successful. Talent comes in any shape or form, and even though he did start quite late, if he was as talented as people made him out to be, then you weren’t surprised that he was as successful as he was starting quite late.

“Did you dance before then?”

“I did.” He nods, “I did tap for a few years before I decided that it wasn’t for me, and then I started ballet lessons.”

You smile and continue to stretch, lifting your leg up to the bar to stretch as far as you can. You can feel your muscles starting to relax as you do so, and you know you’re warmed up.

“Are you ready?” You nod and make your way to stand behind him, at the side slightly so you could see both yourself and Harry in the mirror. You were nervous, to say the least, but you had a slight suspicion that Harry was going to try and make you feel as comfortable as possible.

“We’re going to take it easy.” He says, “Well, as easy as it can be with this show.”

You chuckle and watch as he starts to teach you your solo. You wondered how many times he’d watched the previous performances of the ballet to know the solo as well as he did. You got through the first quarter of the dance or so. It was very quick, and it was basically going through al of the steps and seeing where you needed to focus your practice.

By the end of the rehearsal, you were sweating and you knew that you didn’t look the best just from looking at yourself in the mirror. The dance was one of the hardest you’ve ever done in your life but you knew that was how it was going to be. It was intense, and Harry was certainly right when he said that he knew you’d be able to do it but you needed to put in the hard work. One of the hardest things you found yourself having to do was stopping yourself from getting distracted at the sight of him.

Every time he moved, the muscles within his arms contracted. You didn’t want to stare at him, but you physically couldn’t stop yourself. You wondered if he could tell, or if he was staring at you. More than once during the rehearsal your jumper slipped from your shoulder, dangerously close to revealing your chest and you swear that you saw his eyes drifting at some points but you would never say anything.

“You’ve done well.” He nods, taking a quite a large gulp of water from his bottle, “I knew there was a reason why we’d chosen you, and that certainly was it” 

“There are plenty of other dancers that will have been just as good, maybe even better, I’m sure.” You say, placing your hands upon your hips as you try to catch your breath from the jeté’s you had just been doing.

He chuckles, walking over to you and placing his hand on your shoulder, “Have a little more faith in yourself. Not many people will be able to do what you’ve just done.”

You hate to say it, but you do feel fuzzy inside at his words. Flutters fill your belly and you can feel your cheeks heat up. He can see it as well, you’re absolutely sure of it and you nearly faint. The feeling of his fingers upon your skin leaves it heated for quite a while, long after he’d taken his hand off, and way after you’d left the room.

He was your new choreographer, but you couldn’t help but feel as this was the start of something else.

You had been in the practice room for an hour or so.

The group rehearsal had finished an hour ago, and you had planned to go into a practice room to spend a little extra time going over the new moves that Harry had added a day ago at their second rehearsal. The new steps weren’t too bad, but the order they fell in you just couldn’t pick up. You practiced it over and over again but you still couldn’t get it right. You found yourself becoming more and more annoyed with yourself that you couldn’t do it.

You started to do it again, starting with the jeté before moving to the pirouette but you found yourself loosing your balance yet again.

“You need to keep your core straight.”

You jump out of your skin, placing your hand upon your chest as you turn to look at the culprit. It’s Harry, and you aren’t surprised to say the least. He has a tendency of jumping out at you when you least expect it.

“You should wear a bell.” You say, standing up and and walking towards his body, which is leant against the wall with his hands in his pockets. He was wearing actual trousers today, and you were wondering if that’s why he wasn’t in the group rehearsal earlier.

“I’ll announce myself next time, I promise.” He laughs, walking towards you. His shoes tap upon the floor as he moves towards you, “Your movements aren’t flowing because your core isn’t strong, and you’re letting your body go dizzy.”

He walks towards you, holding his hands out before retracting them.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” He asks, and you nod, allowing his hands to fall one upon your back and the other upon your stomach. He pushes your stomach in, straightening your back as he does so. You find yourself struggling to breath slightly, but once you do you catch up quickly, “Try again like this.”

“Okay.”

You stay as upright as you can, keeping your core straight as you move. Somehow, you manage to do the sequence without falling over. You sigh in relief and drop down to the floor once you’ve done it. He stands and nods his head, watching as you take a sip of your water.

“See.” He nods his head, “I knew you could do it.”

“Thank you.” You smile, “I knew I could too, I think I was just becoming lazy because I’m tired.”

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Go home, take a break.” You start to unfasten your pointe shoes, sighing in relief as your toes separate after being in the shoes for way too long, “How long have you been in here?”

“An hour or so.” You shake your head, “I just wanted to get it right.”

“I bet it was right before.” He says, opening the door for you to slip through once you’ve put your proper shoes on and gathered your things, “Your body is just tired, that’s why your form was off. You usually have a great core.”

He had been looking at your. . . core? You felt your cheeks heat up, and you tired your hardest to not to let him see it but it was quite hard under the spotlights of the hallway.

“Thank you, but it really wasn’t. That was the first time I’ve done it properly.”

He turns to you with a grin, “We’ll just to have to agree to disagree, won’t we?”

You can’t stop the blush that rises upon your cheeks at his words, but more so at his grin. It’s cheeky and boyish and sort of flirty. He couldn’t have been flirting with you, but a part of you prayed that he was.

“Have a good night.” He smiles at you, “Sleep and don’t worry about the dance.” 

“I’ll try.”

“One. . . two. . . three. . . four—”

His counting has been ringing through your ears since your arrived at the rehearsal an hour ago. You couldn’t tell whether there was something wrong with him, or whether you had done something wrong for him to be in such a mood.

You had managed to ignore the fact that he completely ignored you once you’d walked in, and focused more on showing him that since you last saw him, you had mastered the sequence you were struggling with completely.

Everyone has bad days, you knew that, but it’s hard to learn a dance when your teacher is so stoic that you can’t tell whether or not you’re doing the moves right. His eyebrows have been furrowed since you walked through the door, and the clicks of his fingers were so loud that you can’t help but wonder whether or not they have blistered.

You manage to perform the sequence of steps, from start to about half way which you’ve managed to learn in the two weeks that you’ve been learning the steps. It’s nice to know that you’re able to do it, no matter how much you’ve struggled and that it’s been hard work, you’ve done it.

“We’re moving onto the pirouettes next.” He says, standing with his hands upon his hips as he does so. The harsh look upon his face doesn’t leave, and you truly wonder what had happened for him to be this way with you.

It’s making you feel as though every step you make isn’t right, when you know in fact that it is.

“The what?” You are struggling to catch your breath, after non-stop dancing for an hour can’t believe that he wants to do the pirouettes with you.

“Pirouettes.” He stands facing you, instead of you looking at him through the mirror and you wonder what you’re going to do, “Do as many as you can until the music drops.”

You weren’t quite sure what he was asking of you. You furrow your eyebrows, but Harry just stares at you. He looks at you as if to say why aren’t you doing it yet, so you decide you’re better off just starting the pirouettes.

You start, lifting your body into fourth position with both legs straight. You fix your eyes onto a spot where the mirrors meet. After taking a breath, you bend both legs into a deep pilé, concentrating on sinking your heels into the wooden floor so you could push into the spin. You focus your core, keeping it tight. You spring to a retiré position, before relevé to a full pointe with your back foot to your front leg. You hold your body in the position spin, flicking your head quickly so that you can focus yet again on the gap in the mirror. Once you’ve completed one, you continue to go round and round, trying to ignore the aching within your bones and the throbbing within your head.

You manage eight before you loose your balance and drop to the ground, immediately sitting with your head in between your legs. 

“Have a break, and then we’ll start again.” 

You sigh and shake your head, “I can’t do it.” 

“What do you mean?” Harry says, furrowing his eyebrows, “Of course you can.” 

“I can’t do it.” 

“You’ve done eight.” He shrugs, “You can do more.” 

“I’ll be able to.” You say, “But I can’t do them now.” 

If you honest, you hadn’t woken up feeling the best this morning. You often get headaches that throughout the course of the day transition into migraines. You had felt it coming on at the start of the day, and you knew with how much you had to do you couldn’t pull out of the rehearsal but at this point you were seriously considering it. The pirouettes seriously hadn’t helped with the throbbing within your head and you had started to feel quite nauseous. 

“If you have that attitude then you certainly won’t be able to, and it’s probably best that you leave.” 

You’re completely taken aback, unable to believe that the man who has been nothing but nice to you throughout this whole thing had just said something so horrid to you. You were mortified and if you hadn’t felt sick before, you certainly did now. 

“You know what.” You stand up, “I think that’s a good idea.” 

You leave the room and don’t look back. 

The next rehearsal, thankfully, was a group one. You and Ethel had made your way to the training room bright and early, ready for what the day was going to hold. You hadn’t told Ethel about what happened earlier in the week with Harry. It would have been nice to talk to someone about it but you knew that you shouldn’t, so you didn’t. It was, however, the thing that fluttered around in your brain on a loop. Doing everyday mundane things you found yourself distracted. Instead of being upset or angry anymore, you were concerned, and you just hoped that he was okay mainly. 

The two of you had stretched yourselves pretty quickly, leaving you stood in the right corner of the room waiting for it to start. You couldn’t help but wonder whether or not Harry was going to be in the rehearsal today. He normally was, but after the last one, you had no idea what was going to happen. A part of you wished to see him, and the other part of you didn’t. It was as though you had a devil and angel on your shoulder, bickering between the options of whether or not you wanted to see his face. 

In the back of your mind you knew that this man was your choreographer. You knew that traditionally that you shouldn’t be feeling this way about him, since he had the same role as a teacher would, but you really couldn’t help it. It didn’t help that he was one of the prettiest people you had ever seen in your life — and one of the nicest apart from the last time you saw him — but the was besides the point. You were an adult, and you were allowed to have these feelings, even though you were positively sure that they aren’t reciprocated. 

Both Holland and Isabella walk into the room, but there is no sign of Harry. You try to ignore the disappointment that sits in the pit of your stomach but you can’t. 

You should be angry at the man, livid even, that he said such a thing to you but you really weren’t. That was your own fault, but that didn’t mean that all would be forgotten from that day. You were at least expecting an apology the next time you saw him. 

“Everyone get into positions for the start of the second half.” Holland calls and everyone moves from their groups into positions. 

You weren’t on the stage at the start, so you move to the corner of the room by the door and watch everyone else. You try your hardest not to let your mind wander, but you can’t help it. Your thumb is running back and forth over your bottom lip, furrowing your eyebrows as you did so. 

“If you furrow your eyebrows anymore your face is going to stay like that.” 

You don’t even jump at the sound of his voice. Your heart does start to beat a little faster, since your certainly weren’t expecting him to be so close to you, but you wouldn’t tell anybody that. 

“Was starting to think you just hated me.” 

“Could never hate you.” He shakes his head, “You’re too good of a dancer for me to ever hate you.” 

You have to physically stop yourself from rolling your eyes at him. You manage to, but before either one of you could say anything else, you see your cue and you’re out on the floor. 

You try to ignore his stare as you move around the room, remembering the choreography you had learnt whilst also trying to be as elegant and strong as you physically could be. You remembered to keep your core straight, and if you weren’t mistaken by the few times you looked over at him, Harry’s eyes hadn’t left you.

You were unsure whether it was something your were flattered about, or whether you were slightly concerned about it. You weren’t too concerned, but you found yourself wondering why he was doing this. The last time he saw you he told you to leave, and now he couldn’t get his eyes off of you. 

Once the dance had finished, and you had your lips around your water bottle that you were taking a sip from, you swear you saw Harry’s head flick towards the door. You furrow your eyebrows and lift you finger up, pointing at yourself as if to ask whether he was looking at you. 

He nods his head and walks out of the door, leaving you confused but walking towards him and consequently out of the room. You bite the lid of your bottle as you do so. You knew exactly where he was, and the second you walked into the room you saw him stood in the middle of it with an almost defeated look upon his face. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You swear your heart almost bursts out of your chest. 

You nod your head, “Okay.” 

“I was a dick.” You nod again, “And you didn’t deserve it at all. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave and I should’ve asked if you were okay the second you dropped to the floor. I’m sorry, I really am.” 

“I accept your apology, I do.” He seems to sigh with relief, “But! You have to be extra nice to me next rehearsal. If I want a break, I want a break.” 

He chuckles, “You can have as many breaks as you like.” 

“Good.” 

To say rehearsals have been different since Harry apologised to you would be an understatement. You found yourself enjoying them, no matter how hard you had to work, and you looked forward to them in your week.

You believe it might have been because of the change in relationship between the two of you. It was much nicer, and also a little flirtier. You had noticed Harry coming over to help you by touching you more, he was forever smirking and winking at you and some of the things he said completely turned you to putty in his arms. 

You’d like to think he’d noticed, but you really couldn’t be sure. 

“Dress rehearsals start next week.” He says as you take a break, sipping on some water whilst holding a banana in your other hand, “Are you nervous?”

You shrug, “A little bit. I know I’ve worked hard but there are still a lot of things that could go wrong.” 

“I disagree.” You throw him a quizzical look, “I agree that you work hard because you’re one of the most hardworking people I’ve ever met. I don’t agree that a lot of things could go wrong because that just isn’t true — one thing could.” 

You knew what he was talking about. 

You drop back so you’re laid on the group, “The pirouettes.” 

“The pirouettes.” He nods and stands up, so you sit up, “I know you can do it, you just need to believe in yourself.” 

You sigh, “Can you just do the pirouettes for me?” 

“Yeah.” He laughs, “Like the audience wouldn’t notice you slipping off and a six-foot man taking your place to do some spins.” 

“I’m sure they’d be highly entertained.” 

“I’m sure we’d have thousands of complaints to deal with.” 

You laugh and he joins in. You finish your banana and stand up, tucking some of the hair that had fallen out of your bun back before moving to the middle of the room. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to do it.” 

“I do.” Harry nods, crossing his arms over his chest, “Focus on your spot and never take your eyes off it, remember your core and remember to bounce yourself. The higher bounce you get at the start, the more you’ll be able to spin.” 

You’re unsure how it happened, but after listening to Harry’s words you manage to complete almost twenty pirouettes. The most that had taken place during the small amount of time in a performance had been thirty-two, and to say that you’d never done more than ten in your life before meant that you were pretty proud of yourself. 

“See.” He says smugly, “I knew you could do it.” 

You watch as he walks towards you, shoving this hand into the pocket of his jogging bottoms. You weren’t one to necessarily like people who are so in-your-face smug but there was something different about the way Harry said things. He didn’t say them maliciously, or to make himself feel better but to just tease you slightly. He was close to you, and you resisted the urge to let out a little squeak of nervousness. 

“Are you going to start believing in yourself?” 

“Hmm.” You ponder, “I might have to be reminded again, and again.” 

It all happened quickly, but before you could process anything happening, Harry’s lips were on yours. 

He kissed you. You felt his lips upon yours, his hand immediately reaching to rest upon her cheek. The nervous squeak you held in escaped your lips as he did so, but he masked it with him. You gripped the material of his wife-beater, bunching it up at his stomach as you pulled him towards you. Your lips parted once you’d felt his tongue dance upon your lips, allowing it to slip through them. You were shocked, but you never wanted it to end. 

It did end though, like all good things do. He pulled away from you and you felt even more out of breath than if you had just performed your solo. You looked at him with wide eyes and lifted your fingers to run over your swollen lips, 

“Did that remind you?” 

Dress rehearsals had started, but all you could find yourself thinking about was Harry’s lips on yours. 

You stood backstage at the Royal Opera House, looking at yourself within the mirror as you ran your hand over your costume. It was white, and completely gorgeous. The tutu fluttered out gems and sparkles fluttered along the bodice with a hugged your curves perfectly. You had the head piece on as well, but you hadn’t done your makeup. It was the first time you’d seen the costume upon your body, and you were in love with it. 

“You proper look like the white swan now.” Ethel smiles, placing her hand upon your shoulder, squeezing slightly, “You look gorgeous.” 

“Thank you.” You turn to look at her, and the costume she had on and you gasp, “And look at you!  Absolutely beautiful!” 

The two of you giggle and walk towards the main stage where everyone was collected. You stood to the side with Ethel, even though she’s quickly scooped away by some of her friends. You stand and done move, going over the moves of your solo in your head just to make sure you knew what you were doing. 

Holland calls you all to start soon. It wasn’t the first time that you’d ran the performance all the way through, but it was the first time that you’d done it in your costume. 

You manage to make it through the first half of the performance without any malfunctions from yourself, but you can’t say the same for everyone else. It was around half way through the third section of dance or so when you noticed Harry sat on the front row, his eyes never leaving you as you dance around the stage. When your first section of solo dance came up, you saw Harry’s eyes furrowing as you danced. You couldn’t watch him throughout the entire thing, but you wouldn’t be surprised if he never looked away from you. 

During the interval, you go backstage and make your way towards a bathroom. As you make your way closer, you try to find the fasten of your tutu so that you can quickly pull it off. What you hadn’t expected as you down the hall and towards the bathroom was to be pulled into one of the rooms you pass.

You squeal as you feel the hand around your arm, but once you’re in the room, you’re silenced by someone’s lips upon yours. 

You can tell that it’s Harry immediately. You can tell not only from his lips upon yours, but also from his hand that he places upon your cheek. You feel the coolness of his ring, and the slight itch from his stubble, but you really aren’t complaining. You lift your hand to the back of his neck, slipping your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. 

His fingers run across your thighs, being light so that he doesn’t rip the thin material. After a minute or so, you pull away, turning your head so that his drops upon your shoulder whilst you catch you breath.” 

“Harry?” He hums against your neck, placing a small kiss there, “I really need a wee.” 

He laughs and stands up, pecking your lips once more. You smile into the kiss and it seems to only grow afterwards. 

“Well you better go and have one.” He chuckles and you nod, “But I’ll only let you go if your promise me something.” 

“What?” 

“You’ll wait for me afterwards?” 

“After what? My wee, because I have to back on stage after—”

“No.” He chuckles, “Not after you’ve had your wee, but after you’ve finished tonight. I want to take you somewhere.” 

“Sounding very stalker-ish of you, Styles.” She furrows her eyebrows, “But I’ll wait for you.” 

The second half, and your solo goes okay. You managed to do sixteen pirouettes but your brain was in overdrive, thinking of everywhere that Harry could be taking you. Once you all finished, you couldn’t help but rush to get changed and ready to leave. You hadn’t borough the nicest of clothes, only some jeans and a jumper since the air had started to get quite a lot cooler now that autumn had shown its face. 

“You ready?” He asks once you’ve walked out of the theatre and find him stood by the wall next to the door. 

You nod and follow him. The two of you don’t talk, but his hand does slip into yours as you walk. He’s very smooth in the way that he does it, slipping his hand into yours as you walked across the busy London road. Your cheeks heated as he did so, and you couldn’t help the small smile that planted across your lips. 

You knew that you shouldn’t feel this way about someone who was like a teacher for you, and you knew at some point that the two of you would have to speak about what this even was but at this point you were just happy. 

You certainly hadn’t expected to end up at a cinema, but here you were. Harry scanned the two tickets he already conveniently already had. The tickets were halfway up in the cinema, where you normally enjoyed sitting but you certainly had never told Harry this. 

“If you wanted to see a movie with me, you should’ve just asked.” You whisper to Harry as you both sit down, “You didn’t have to basically kidnap me into a storage room and shove your tongue down my throat.” 

“I didn’t hear you complaining about my tongue down your throat.” He says, and you can almost hear the smirk upon his lips, “Just watch, you’ll understand why I brought you here in a second.” 

You did understand. The recording was from 2015, one that you hadn’t seem before which was surprising because you’re absolutely certain that you’d watched the majority of them. You wonder if this was one that you hadn’t been able to find before, to nitpick every single movement that the white swan made. 

Harry’s hand sat tightly in yours as you watched, never moving throughout the entire performance. 

Once it had finished, you found yourself sat in an Italian restaurant that was next to the cinema, the both of you having ordered pasta and having large glasses of red wine to wash it down. 

“Why did you bring me to see that?” 

Harry smiles, placing his glass down that he had just taken a sip from, “It’s my favourite performance, so far, of Swan Lake. I didn’t know whether you’d already seen it, and you’re probably fed up of it but I thought you needed to see it.” 

You shake your head, “I hadn’t seen it.” 

“You remind me of her.” He smiles, “Giovanna, who was the White Swan. She was a few years older than me, and I met her getting lost in the school.” 

“You knew her?” 

He nods, “We were best friends, for a few years, and she taught me everything I know about how to be the best ballerino I could be. I was there when she was got the part, and I used to watch her practice.” 

“That’s how you know the solo so well.” 

He nods, “She believed she couldn’t do it. I can’t count the amount of times she said that she couldn’t do it. She hardly slept because of it. They recorded that opening night, and it took me sitting her down and showing her that for her to believe that she could do it.” 

He’s interrupted by the waitress coming with their pasta, which they smile in thanks at. 

“Thank you.” He nods his head at the waitress, “I’m more involved with you as the White Swan, and I swore to never let anyone who I worked with whether it be on this production or not, feel like Giovanna did.” 

“How could you tell?” 

“You always look as though you’re battling with yourself within your head.” He says, “You need to know that when you’re on that stage, and it’ll be even more like this when you believe yourself, you are elegant and you look absolutely beautiful.” 

If you weren’t in public, and if you didn’t have a mouthful of tomato pasta in your mouth, you probably would’ve cried at his words. You couldn’t believe how much this man actually cared about you and how you were doing. 

“Are you still friends with her?” 

“No.” He shakes his head, “She left a few years ago, didn’t tell me where she was going or why she was doing it. I haven’t heard from her since.” 

You drop your head, “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He shakes his head, “You’re the new swan in my life, and between the two of us, I much prefer you.” 

“Do you think people are going to mind?” You ask, moving your pasta around on your plate, not daring to look up at him, “You’re like my teacher, and we don’t exactly have one of the more conventional relationships.” 

“I don’t care.” He shakes his head, “And you shouldn’t either, swan.” 

The day of the first performance was here, and you were absolutely dreading it. 

“Ethel.” You shake your head, “I really can’t do this.” 

“Oh shut up.” She places her hands upon your shoulders as you look at yourself in the mirror, sighing as you made sure your wispy pieces of your hair were down, “You’re going to be fine. You’re only worried about the pirouettes and you managed twenty-two yesterday.” 

“It’s not thirty-two though.” You shake your head, “It isn’t good enough.” 

Yesterday it was your last run through of the solo with Harry in the practice room. Even though the relationship between the two had shifted dramatically since their first rehearsal, and yesterday it almost felt as though you were back in with that Harry. 

The flirty banter that the two had adopted wasn’t there, and you were both focused on getting it right. It was the first time that you had managed to do more than twenty pirouettes, which had been your best, but it was now twenty-two. You had sighed in relief and finished your solo dance with a smile upon your face. 

“You’ll be fine.” Ethel smiles, “You’ve got nothing to worry about, you’ll go out there and smash it. I have to go and do my makeup, but I’ll see you during the interval — I promise.” 

You nod, accept her hug and sigh yet again at yourself in the mirror. You hadn’t felt this nervous in a long time, not even when you auditioned for the ballet school, or even when you auditioned for the part of the white swan. In every other aspect of your life, you were confident. In your dancing, that’s when you found yourself spiralling in the most. 

“Hey white swan.” You can’t help but smile at the sound of Harry’s voice behind you, your body immediately turning around to look at him. 

You don’t want to seem shocked, but the sight of him all dressed up causes your heart to beat quickly within your chest. You hadn’t seen him dressed up in this way before, a blue button up upon his body, as well as yellow trousers and a grey jacket. His hair framed his face in such a way that you couldn’t help but press your thighs together. You very much liked Harry’s practice outfits that show off his strong body, but there was something else about seeing him dressed in such a way that you liked even more. 

“Hi.” You laugh, standing up to wrap your arms around him. It’s an awkward hug, with the two of you trying to navigate your way around your tutu, “You look fancy.” 

“And you look gorgeous.” He pulled away from you and leant back against the wall, whilst you leant against the chair you were just sat on, “Ethel saw me on the way in.” 

You laugh, “What did she say?” 

“That you’re spiralling again.” He laughs, “I thought we’d spoken about this.” 

“I know.” You nod your head, “I’m just scared about the pir—”

“—If you dare say pirouettes!” 

You laugh as he interrupts your words, “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He shakes his head, “You know that you can do it, and I believe in you. You’re going to smash this and I’m going to be front row cheering your on.” 

Without a single hesitation, you cast your eyes around the room in hopes to see nobody there, which there isn’t, and you throw your arms around his neck and place your lips upon his. He smiles into the kiss, and you do too, but you quickly pull away because you know that anybody could walk in at any moment. 

Harry flutters his eyes over at the clock, “It’s time, white swan. I’ll be here afterwards.” 

In your first performance of Swan Lake, you manage twenty-six pirouettes. It’s the most you’ve ever done, and once you’ve done it, you find yourself finishing the entire performance in higher spirits than when you started it. 

Somehow, you were finishing the day of your first performance with your thighs wrapped around Harry’s waist as he presses you up against the door of your flat. He had offered to walk you home, and the flirty way the two of you had become accustomed to felt a change as you walked home. You felt as though there was a magnet pulling you together and the closer you got to your flat, the closer you felt towards each other. 

You suspect that was why you were now pressed up against your door. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” Harry murmurs against your lips, and you smile against them. 

With him holding you up by your thighs, and with your half arsed directions, you both make your way towards your bedroom. Harry places you down upon your bed, his fingers grasping the jumper upon your skin. You pull away slightly and he pulls it above your head, exposing your chest to him. He leans down to press another kiss to your lips, moving down to your neck. He litters kisses down your cheeks, and your neck until he’s upon your chest. You hadn’t worn a bra with your jumper, so you’re completely exposed to him. 

The next movement he makes is to wrap his lips around one of your nipples, swirling his tongue around one of your budding nipples, using his thumb to tweak the other. Your hips are involuntarily bucking towards his. 

“Fuck, Harry.” You sigh, smiling down at his head as he kisses down your stomach until he reaches the band of your jogging bottoms. 

He stops his movements and rests his head upon your stomach, “What do you want?” 

“Want you to lick me.” He smiles at your words, and hooks his fingers into the band of your jogging bottoms, pulling them as well your underwear down your legs. 

He placed a litter of kisses across the inside of your thighs, teasing you until you can help but lift your hips up to him. 

“Are you this wet all for me, baby?” He questions, running his thumb across your clothed clit, “Got yourself all messy for me.” 

“You have a way with words.” You grin, reaching forward to run your fingers through his hair, “And a way with your mouth.” 

“You don’t need to flatter me anymore, I’m already in your bed.” He pecks your pubic bone, “But my ego really appreciates it.” 

“Your narcissistic side is showing.” 

“What did you expect?” He runs his fingers across your pubic bone, “You’re so fucking ready for me. All wet and ready for me to have a taste.” 

He starts with small kitten licks that have you withering across your duvet, small whines leaving your lips. He wraps his lips around your clit, mixing between nibbling and licking. 

You moan, lifting your back up off of the bed, “Can I use my fingers, baby?” 

“Please.” You nod, watching as he lifting his fingers up to your mouth, pushing them through your parted lips so you could swivel your tongue around them, wetting them to make them easier for him to push into you. He pushes his index finger in, rhythmically moving it in and out whilst also licking and flicking your clit with his tongue. Each thing his does coaxes you closer and closer to your orgasm, the way he skilfully uses his tongue sending moans spilling out of your lips.

“Don’t stop!” Harry drops his hand to your stomach, pushing down so that you aren’t moving you hips as he brings you closer to your peak, “M’gonna come.” 

“Come for me, baby.” He murmurs against you, flicking his tongue quickly. 

You can feel your stomach tightening as he moves quickly, the feeling causing your toes to curl as he does so. 

“Fuck.” He uses his fingers and his tongue to coax you through your orgasm. 

You honestly couldn’t believe that you had waited this long to have him touch you. Moans spill out of your lips as you reach your high, the euphoric feeling spreading over your entire body. 

Harry kisses your clit one last time, kissing up your stomach and around your breasts, up until he wrapped his lips around your nipple. He allowed you to recover and calm your breathing whilst he kissed up your body. 

“Good?” 

You hum, a small giggle escaping your lips, “Fucking amazing.” 

“I’m glad your enjoyed it.” He laughed, leaning down to place a kiss to your lips. 

Feeling as though you had recovered from your orgasm, you start to unbutton his trousers. He grins against your lips as you slip your hand beneath the band of his boxers, wrapping your fingers around his length. 

“I want you to fuck me.” You whisper against his lips, the corners of yours curling up. 

“Yeah.” He grins, “Have you got any condoms?” 

You were glad at this point that you’d picked some up during your daily shop. Not that you had expected anything, but it was always good to be prepared. 

“Yeah.” You nod, “In the bedside table.” 

He stands up from the bed and unbuttons his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders and he makes his way towards the drawer. You eyes never leave his body, watching as his ever muscle flexes. He opens the drawer and drops his hand in, and if you weren’t already flushed, you certainly would be from what he pulls out. 

“What’s this?” He holds up the small vibrator that you had bought a few years ago to relive some of your tension every once in a while. 

“God.” You drop back upon the bed, your head rested on the pillow as your bring your hand to your forehead, “Just something I use to relive some of the tension in me every once in a while.”  

“The tension?” He raises his eyebrow, “When was the last time you used it?” 

You shrug, “Ages ago. I think it was after the first dress rehearsal.” 

“That long ago? We’ll have to change that.” He turns the little machine on to its first setting, holding it as it vibrates in his hand. 

“Are you going to use that on me?” You ask, writhing as he places it upon your budding nipple. 

“As tempting as it is.”  He smirks, taking it away just as a moan threatens to leave your lips, “I think we’ll save it for another day.” 

He turns it off and places it back in the bedside table, taking the box of condoms that are in there out also. He takes the foil packet out and at the same time pushes his underwear off of his body, revealing his member to you. It was already red, the tip angry and already leaking pre-come as it stood out from his body. 

You can’t take your eyes off him. You had had some encounters with people before hand, you had needs, but you certainly hadn’t been with anyone quite so well endowed. He uses his teeth to rip open the packet, pinching it between his fingers and rolling it over his length. 

“Can I ride you?” You ask, watching as Harry kneels on the edge of the bed. 

He raises his eyebrows, “Do you want to?” 

“I do.” You smile, watching as he laid down next to you. 

“Hop on then.” He smirks, reaching for your hips as your straddle him. 

You take him in your hand, lining him up with your centre. He grips your hips, guiding you down onto his cock. You moan as he fills you up, but you can move at your own speed and wait as long as you needed. 

“Fuck.” He moans, sitting up to rest his head against your shoulder, “So fucking tight around my cock. Squeezing me just right.” 

You couldn’t believe how much you were throbbing between your legs at the sounds of his words. Once you’ve become accustomed to his size, you started to bounce up and down on him. You catch his lips with yours, allowing yourself to succumb under the pleasure he was giving you. You couldn’t help the moans that tumbled out of your lips whilst you bounce, Harry’s hips lifting to meet yours.

“Harry, fucking hell.” He was making you feel so full, and so good, “Fuck, can I go faster?” 

“Go as fast as you want, baby.” He kisses your lips briefly, “Make yourself come on my cock.” 

You bounce your hips faster, leaning forward to grip your headboard to give you more leverage to move your hips. You could feel sweat collecting upon your brow and body, your hair sticking to your neck. The only sound in the room was your moans and your groans, as well as the creaking of your bed and your headboard hitting the wall. You prayed at this point that your neighbours couldn’t hear you through your wall. 

“I’m gonna come, H.” You moan out, lowering one of your hands so that you could rub your clit. Harry immediately notices and pushes your hand away, replacing it with his own finger rubbing quickly to coax your second orgasm of the night. 

“Come on my cock, baby.” He speeds up his hips meeting yours, “Come on, I wanna feel you.” 

Your second orgasm washes over you quicker than your first, and your eyes roll to the back of your head. Harry thrusts harshly up into you a few time and you feel him spill into the condom. He groans against your neck as you collapse on top of him. 

You had never felt so close to someone as you did to Harry, and even though you weren’t together yet it just felt right to take this step. 

“You’re incredible, swan.” 

You laugh and roll off him, whimpering at the feeling of him leaving you. You lay down next to him and watch as he takes the condom off and places it in the small bin in the corner of your room. Whilst he does that, you quickly make your way towards the bathroom to pee and clean yourself up. Never in your whole life had you felt this wet and orgasmed so hard from being with someone, and you don’t know whether to thank Harry or worship the ground that he walks on. 

As you walk back into your room, you notice Harry laid upon your bed, shirtless and smiling as you walk back into the room. You slip into bed next to him. 

“Harry?” He hums, “If I perform like this every night, are you going to do this overnight?” 

“If you want me to, swan, I’ll never stop.” 

You didn’t want him to. 

A couple of months later, your time as the White Swan had finished. Your parents, as well as both Ethel and Harry, joined you for celebratory drinks. You found yourself loving having Harry with you, and Harry loved being with you as far as you could tell. 

Waking up the next morning, you can’t remember the last time you woke up without having something to do the next day. Harry’s deep breaths fill your ears as he rests upon your neck, his arm around your waist and his leg pressed in between yours. You loved the feeling of having him so close to you, and you felt as though you couldn’t ever have him away from you now.

“Are you awake?” His voice is low and gruff in a morning, and it sparks something between your legs almost immediately. 

“No.” You smile, “I’m still asleep.” 

“I think you should stick to ballet, lying isn’t your forte.” He squeezes your middle, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“I’m not lying. I’m still asleep.” You smile, relishing in the feeling of his arm around you.

He laughs, “I didn’t know I was with a sleep talker, swan. If I’d have known I would’ve been running for the hills.” 

“How long have you been awake then?” You laugh, “Have you been watching me sleep?” 

“Not watching.” He laughs, “Observing.” 

You turn your head briefly so that you’re looking at him, leaning forward to place a kiss to his cheek. 

“Kissy?” 

“Morning breath.” You grimace, “Once I’ve brushed my teeth, maybe.” 

“I don’t care.” He shakes his head, “I just want a kiss.” 

“I care, though.” 

“‘Gis a kiss, baby.” You lean forward and place a closed-lipped peck to his lips. 

“Good enough?” 

“I guess that’s all I’m getting.” 

“That is correct.” You laugh. 

Harry’s eyes fall upon yours, and he doesn’t look away. Even though he just woke up, he’s so effortlessly gorgeous that you can’t help but want to jump his bones and kiss him all of the time. 

In your opinion, you had hit the jackpot. It was the most traditional relationship, but Harry was your person. From the first day you walked into the rehearsal room and Harry looked at you with such joy in his eyes you knew he was for you. You didn’t care what anyone else though, and you only wanted him. 

You were falling for him, at a fast speed but you certainly would never complain. 

“Be mine?” 

“What?” You question, your eyebrows furrowing. 

“Be my girlfriend?” He asked, “Be mine?” 

You ponder the thought for a couple of seconds, leaving him waiting before your lips curl up into a smile, “Okay.” 

“Okay.” You kiss him again, “I’ll be your girlfriend.” 

“My swan.” He smiles, leaning forward to kiss you once again. 

You laugh, “I feel like that’s going to be my forever nickname.” 

“It’s how we met.” He smiles, “I never want to forget it.” 

You never do. 

[tohellandbackanthology]

WE FINISHED SHIPPING OUT ALL PHYSICAL ORDERS (and other important info about your package)!

Hi guys! That’s right! On June 19th, we officially wrapped up packing more than 800 orders of To Hell + Back: A Destiel Anthology and immediately got drunk and partied actually we just talked about the impossible housing market in Vancouver. Barring three orders which were still missing phone numbers, by now everybody else should’ve received a tracking number with their book on the way! 

While we’re relieved that one of the hardest parts of the job is now done and over with, we know that our project is still far from over. With that in mind, we’d like to outline some important info via this handy FAQ about what to look out for as you wait for your package to arrive.

**When are digital books shipping out?**

Right now! As promised, now that we’ve finished shipping all physical books, we’re now switching our focus to digital copies. Please do note that we’ll be shipping digital books in batches, so not everybody is going to get their book at the same time. Why are we doing this? Because sometimes emails bounce and we want to make sure we catch those when they happen. By sending the books out in batches, we can better keep track of these issues.

We will be sending out digital books in the following order: Indiegogo/Big Cartel digital-only backers first, and then everybody else. We feel this order is fair because those of you who didn’t order a physical book have now been waiting a long time and we want to be sure you receive your books at the same time as people begin receiving their physical copies in the mail.

We aim to complete shipping all digital books no later than July 11, but we are working fast in the hopes of finishing by July 5th. 

**I didn’t receive my tracking number!** 

We had multiple checks in place to ensure that we covered every order*** so if you didn’t get an email from Canada Post, please check your junk/spam folder and see if your email might have landed there. If it’s not there either, please message us at tohellandbackanthology@gmail.com and we’ll resend you your tracking number. It’s always possible that there might’ve been a typo in the email address that we had on file for you, and if that was the case, then the email containing your tracking number wouldn’t have reached you. That said, even if Canada Post’s email didn’t reach you, you should have received an email from Indiegogo or Big Cartel also indicating your tracking number as we inputted tracking info into these sites too! 

*** A select few packages don’t have tracking numbers. If you purchased a tier that was a merch + E-book combo on Indiegogo (“I’d Rather Have You”; “Cursed or Not”; “I Always Come When You Call”) and live outside Canada and the United States, it was unfortunately not possible for us to generate a mailing label with a tracking number because your parcel was too small. Instead, please keep an eye on your mailbox. Your envelope parcel should reach you within 4-6 weeks.

**The only thing my tracking number says is ELECTRONIC INFORMATION SUBMITTED BY SHIPPER :( When will Canada Post pick up my package?**

All orders were picked up by Canada Post on June 21, 2021. If your tracking still doesn’t show ITEM PICKED UP BY CANADA POST, contact us immediately so we can figure out what’s going on.

**My package didn’t arrive! It says ITEM BEING RETURNED TO SENDER! Help!**

Please contact us IMMEDIATELY if this happens so that we can reroute your package before it’s too late. If the package is returned to us, we get charged for its shipping. Then subsequently shipping has to be paid again to resend it to you! That’s 3x shipping and it’s not good, for either us or you! Please don’t delay a second if this happens. Tell us right away because we are determined to get it back to you! In the words of @justholdingstill, “Over my dead body are they sending it back to us.”   

**When will I receive my package?**

From the point that your tracking displays the message Item picked up by Canada Post, you can expect that:

Canadians will generally receive their packages within 2-4 days, but it can be up to 7 days for remote regions. 

Americans will generally receive their packages within 10-14 days. This includes Guam and Puerto Rico.

All other countries will receive their packages within 4-12 weeks, but we have noticed that these packages are coming WAY faster than that, usually within 2 weeks. Down below is a breakdown of how quickly certain countries have received their fastest package:

Argentina: 15 days 

Finland: 8 days 

Germany: 10 days 

Italy: 16 days 

Mexico: 10 days 

Norway: 18 days 

Russia: 15 days 

United Kingdom: 21 days but so far, this seems to be an exception—only one package has arrived as of today.

All other countries: No package has reached its destination yet that we know of

**I have my tracking number but it’s not showing any movement! Is my package lost?**

Canadians and Americans should have regular updates to their tracking information every couple of days, but please be patient—things happen, packages get rerouted, or sometimes have to sit for a little bit in customs or a sorting facility before moving on to their final destination. 

Likewise for our international backers, you will most likely get regular updates to your tracking information until your package leaves Canada. At this point, you will receive the following notification: International item being forwarded to destination country. From this point onward, you won’t receive any updates to your tracking information for a long time. This is completely normal and it just means that your book is on a boat making its way to your country. After it arrives on shore, you may or may not get more tracking notifications—it will depend on how the next carrier processes your order. In general, for all the international countries that have received packages so far, they have had full tracking upon reaching shore.

**When is my package considered lost? What should I do then? How much time do I have to contact you?**

Canadians should wait 14 days from the day that their package is picked up by Canada Post before contacting us (unless your tracking says that it’s returning to sender, in which case contact us IMMEDIATELY so that we can reroute your package!).

Americans (including Guam and Puerto Rico) should wait 21 days from the day that their package is picked up by Canada Post before contacting us (unless your tracking says that it’s returning to sender, in which case contact us IMMEDIATELY so that we can reroute your package!).

All other nationalities should wait 12 weeks from the day that their package is picked up by Canada Post before contacting us (unless your tracking says that it’s returning to sender, in which case contact us IMMEDIATELY so that we can reroute your package!).

Please don’t contact us before that. We won’t be able to help you earlier than this. We have to talk to Canada Post about your parcel and they won’t take further steps until the waiting period is over. 

When you contact us, please give us the following information via email at tohellandbackanthology@gmail.com: 

Your full name

Your shipping address

Your shipping phone number

Your shipping email

Let us know where you’re an Indiegogo or Big Cartel backer

You have four weeks to contact us after the ‘package-is-officially-lost’ date. For example, if your book was picked up by Canada Post on June 1 and your home address is in a country other than the United States or Canada, you will wait 12 weeks to see if your package arrives. In this example, your package is officially considered lost on September 1. You have four weeks to let us know. In this example, you have until October 1 to tell us that your package is lost. If you tell us after October 1, unfortunately we can’t help you! We have a timeline in place for the official end date of our project and this deadline helps keep us on track to donate our remaining funds to our charity of choice, Wish Vancouver, in a timely manner. Not to mention we’ll be selling off our extra books and if you take too long to contact us, there might not be any remaining books for you to have a replacement!

**My tracking says that my package was delivered but I can’t find it!**

We encourage you first and foremost to ask your neighbours and anybody else who lives with you or around you to see if they might have received it for you. Please also contact your postal service to see if they might have held it for you at the post office. Finally, please keep an eye on your tracking and please try your absolute best to be there to receive it so that there is no chance of your package being stolen. If your tracking information declares that it was delivered, we consider it delivered on our end too and as much as we would like to help you, we’re not a business and as such, our funds are limited and we can’t be responsible for stolen packages. If your package does get stolen though, please let us know and we’ll talk to Canada Post regardless. All our books are insured and if Canada Post agrees to pay the insurance amount, we’ll put aside a book for you from our extras sale. You will still be responsible for paying the full amount of shipping. If Canada Post denies the insurance amount, we can still put a book aside for you but you will have to pay the full amount of the book and shipping. 

**Have any other questions that come to mind?**

As always, please don’t hesitate to shoot us a message! We always strive to get back to you within 48 hours or less, but please note that justholdingstill, casthewise, and pray4jensen/60r3d0m are heading out on a mini vacation to Vancouver Island from June 30 to July 4 so you might not hear from us as promptly at that time! Unfortunately we won’t have cell service or WiFi.

Aside from this, thank you again for your patience and support. We can’t wait to see photos of your books (and shelves and pets and plants!). Be sure to tag us when you do post!

With love,

Your TH+B mods

[limmastyles]

Things started to go in wrong in November. They had to start a two-week quarantine because of the fact that members of the crew tested positive so the entire set temporary halted. That happened in November days later Jason and Olivia announced their break up aka Olivia and her team. Jason apparently only started not showing up to set before the quarantine and the breakup was announced during quarantine. I think that during the quarantine the stunt idea happened. With all of the character changes, the late start, the extending of filming, and all the bullshit that Olivia pulled that’s when she found out that the  budget was going to be oubledd and she knew that with the new budget she would never be able to break even. For a movie to be a success at the box office it has to at least triple the budget. So if you have a movie with a 20 million dollars budget you would have to make 60 million dollars. For Olivia and this movie with a $40 million budget you need to make at least 120 million dollars. all Olivia has to do is break even so this movie has to make the budget aka 40 million. But since booksmart didn’t do well in the theatres and the box office she wants to triple the budget so that means she breaks even but also it wasn’t a box off as flop like book smarts. For the movie to do well in the box office you need to make a profit and the only way to make a profit is to at least triple the budget in box office sales. Olivia knows that she is never going to make $120 million in the box office especially with Covid and This day and age where the only movies that make that much money are huge blockbusters or superhero films. So she knew all of this and thought it was something that’s going to make this movie popular Harry and what is some thing that’s going to make people talk about this movie even more is it that they are in a PR relationship. Olivia is getting everyone and everything to believe that this is real. Even if that means paying off deuxmoi. At the beginning of this relationship then walk completely agree that it was PR until she got a check from Olivia‘s team. Olivia is doing all the work because at the end of the day she’s the one that’s kind of get fucked if this is all a flop. No studios are going to want to hire her if she blows the $40 million budget on her second movie,  she is going to be out of a lot of money because at the end of the day it’s either her or the studio that has to pay Harry that it of the backend deal,  and if this all goes and if this all goes wrong she will most likely get blacklisted. Not only is her money at stake but her reputation and her career at stake so if that means she has to follow him around the world, dump her kids and her fiancé, make herself look like a fucking fool with a man who clearly doesn’t care about her than that’s what she’s gonna do. If that means she hast to call paparazzi on herself, make herself look like a fucking loser, and send articles from “sources“ then that’s what she’s going to do.  at the end of the day Henry has a lot to gain but absolutely nothing to lose. He can look disinterested if he wants to because at the end the day he gets the free price for all the shit that he has going on but also get a big fat fucking check. That’s why he can afford to look unhappy and interested and make it look so obvious because he’s not the one with his career on the line and a very limited amount of money in her bank account because that bitch doesn’t get jobs.  also a tidbit here the original budget for booksmart was $3 million but after Olivia was done with it it was six and look what happened on the second movie the exact same thing? wonder why? Also they got money from all the sponsorships and add placements and booksmart so I wonder how Olivia’s gonna try to work that in to don’t worry darling. Also I just truly don’t believe that Jason is in on it. I don’t think that he would put his nine relationship with the woman of his two children on a pause like that and be OK with the bullshit that she’s pulling

I love you!

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

What's Louis' chances for a UK #1 album?

I really enjoy the nerdy numbers part of the chart and I find the role that charts play in music culture really interesting. I'm not into fandom handwringing over singles charts, or wildly celebrating over itumes. But I think a lot of that comes from just not understanding how charts work and what they're measuring. So I'm going to try and unpack it a bit this bit, while answering this question about Louis' chances.

The first thing to know is that album charts are based on an artists sales or streaming numbers. Different artists, or the same artist in a different place in their recycle, will have a very different make up of streams vs sales. Some artists are all streams - Drake and 21 Savage were Number 1 on the UK charts last week with 35,000 streams, 400 downloads and no physical sales. Taylor, who was number 2, had very high physical sales the first week, but is now mostly streams.

Why does this matter? Because streams and sales have very different patterns across the week. Sales tend to be very front loaded so the figures that come out on Monday are a substantial portion of the total, whereas streams are spread out much more evenly (they might even go down on the weekend) so the Monday figures will be a much smaller amount of the total.

This happened with Walls, where Louis was number 2 in the figures released on the Monday, but ended up as number 4, because Eminem and Lewis Capaldi both did streaming numbers.

So can we expect Louis to hold onto his lead this time? We can't be sure obviously (and I'll explain some of the variables later), but one way to figure out what's likely to happen is to look at last week (for albums that are already out) or the first week of the previous album an artist released (for albums that are new this week) to figure out the trajectory to expect between Monday figures and final charts.

So for example, in 2020 Walls had 1`1,800 on Monday and ended up with 14,700 - the ratio was 1.25. If he has a similar trajectory, then he'll end up with about 26,500 on Friday.

Bruce Springsteen is also a sales artist (although this is a covers album so it's likely to perform differently from his usual albums). He's currently got 20,000, if his ratio holds he'll end up with about 27,500 on Friday.

In third place on Monday we have Taylor Swift who currently has 8,700. I've seen some posts dismissing her (even making fun of people who think she might get a number one), but that doesn't take into account her different trajectory. If her ratio remains the same she'll end up with about 27,700 on Friday.

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As you can see it'll probably be extremely close. While these guesses give us a good starting point it's important to remember that it's not last week - let alone 2020 and the ratios won't hold exactly. Given these numbers, I expect Louis will end up on top this week. Charts are very open to gaming and Louis and his team (not even mentioning the fanbase) are far more motivated than either Taylor or the Boss to do what needs to be done. It is definitely not ideal that he's got a broken arm, it limits what he can do personally. But the digital downloads so that they are prepared for this and are trying to jack sales. I suspect it'll work (and hope that I'm right even if I suspect there's something about this very thing in Capital - if I'd even read it).

One final bit of context - Louis had 400 digital downloads to Monday - that's across all platforms. The itunes chart measures digital downloads through that one platform - so there would have been even less than that. That's why the itunes chart is largely irrelevant. Very few people get music through digital downloads now (it's either streaming or purchasing something merch like). So the itunes charts doesn't tell you anything about the charts that people care about (or about financial viability - which is increasingly separated from the charts people care about).

There should be progress figures across the week - I'll update how things are tracking if I can and we'll see how the ratio is holding.