#(I wanna do a video about that but my planning is terrible and I dont know how I should proceed at all)

[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[eddiernunson]

Trapped | Eddie Munson | Part 7 | 18+

Previous Part | Master Post | Next Part

[The next part will be out by end of February]

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem Reader

Warnings: Several instances of unprotected P in V sex, (wrap it up), public sex, if you squint (or close your eyes, really) there's public humiliation?, daddy kink continues, and mentions of sex but i dont describe the actual scenes. They get high together, and I basically just describe the first time I got high. (if you want to skip, it doesn't affect the story.) Wholesome mentions include a family dinner with Wayne, get together with all the friends excluding the Byers first I love you, and just everyday musings.

Author's Note: Christmas and January kicked my ASS. I had an inkling of what to do but no literal layout until like Friday. I apologize for this terribly inconsistent posting schedule and there will be a much smaller chapter posted by the 28th. I'm uber excited after the next chapter cause then we're all caught up and my plan is to write the season with the character written in (My goal from the beginning.) I just wanna note I don't ship Mike and Will, because I think Will deserves better. I think it's clear where Mike's priorities lie, and it's not with him.

MINORS DNI for the smut. Seriously. Please.

This should not be this weird.

You stared at the sides of the VHS tapes, organizing the metal bin of discounted vintage tapes. Your right pinky delicately moving the furthest tape up and down, rotating lightly. You were working in silence on November 1st, 1985, a quiet evening in Family Video the day after a Halloween that seemed to cause a big ruckus in Hawkins.

While Steve’s party usually ended up in numerous hangovers and regrets, today it was as if the entirety of Hawkins felt the dreary, murky feeling in the atmosphere. This Halloween just hit different.

That might’ve just been you though, waking up in Steve’s bed in-between him and your boyfriend. You flashback to the night before, and Steve’s brown eyes looking up at you between your legs hits you like a freight train. When Eddie wakes up, he only sees Steve, wondering downstairs to see you perched cross legged on Steve’s couch next to a jock that fell asleep with his hips on the arm rest.

“You okay?” He asks, reaching out to comfort you.

You look up at him, wide eyed and worried. “Did I have-” you look around to see if anyone is awake and continue, “did I have a really, really vivid dream last night?”

Eddie laughs. “Dunno, did you want it to go on longer last night?”

You feel your cheeks heat up; you bite back a smile that creeps onto your face. “Fuck.” Your hand goes up to your forehead in disbelief. “You’re okay with it?”

“Okay with it?” Eddie laughs scooching his tiny waist in between you and the jock. “Princess, I instigated it. I could’ve told him to fuck off. I didn’t. I asked him to join.” Eddie chuckled. “I was already enchanted by your amazing pussy,” you looked around anxiously when he said this too loud, “but Harrington just looked so good. Weird, since he was Peter fucking Pan.”

“Oh. Okay.” You state dumbly.

You sat with him on the couch for another half hour, neither of you quite ready to go back to the real world. As you were held on tight in a hug with him, sat on his lap, you see the party king making his way down the stairs, now in pajamas and his hair damp from a shower.

Subconsciously your body turns to face your boyfriend and your heart is the only thing you can hear and feel. You vaguely hear Harrington’s voice from the next room. “Mornin! Sleep well, you alcoholics?”

Eddie retorts with something you were sure was witty as he was but all you can think of is getting out of the house so you can stop over thinking it. “Hey, I’m feeling pretty hungover can we go?” You ask Eddie, feeling guilty about talking in a way so Steve wouldn’t hear you.

Eddie looks taken aback by your request; his brown eyes noticeably confused. “Are you sure? I’m pretty sure Harrington will have a concoction to help with that if you need it.”

You wiggle closer to him, resting your chin on his shoulder. “I’m feeling shy,” you whisper, an uncontrollable smile crept onto your face.

“Shy?” Eddie asks, feigning ignorance.

“I have wondered for ages what that would’ve been like, and I knew it would never happen because neither of us were interested in each other the way Nance and Steve once were. It was harmless curiosity.” You pause when it sounded like Steve was on his way to the living room. “Now it’s a bizarre reality and I have no idea how to-how to be around him. Let me avoid him until I see him at work tonight.”

Eddie stared at you wordlessly, a reaction you’ve seen on him only a handful of times. The times would be when his club members are saying something and it’s just so wild to him, he can barely contain it. “Um, sweetheart. You could just talk to him now.”

“Please?” You ask, tilting your head and doe-ing your eyes up.

“You’re lucky you’re so pretty.” He mutters, getting off the couch in a graceful leap. “Alright. Go grab your shit and I will make something up.”

You run back up to Steve’s room, eyes avoiding the bed as you search the sunlit room for your costume’s accessories, Eddie’s wings and halo he ripped off in his drunken haze. You run back down the stares, Eddie already putting on his leather jacket you hadn’t noticed he had placed on the coat hanger the night before.

“Sure ya can’t stay?” You hear Steve’s voice what felt like right in your ear and the crook of your neck. To be fair, he wasn’t quite that close to you, your senses just felt heightened. Your stunted reaction of jerking back both amused and confused the hell out of your boyfriend, though. You turn to face Steve, something you’d hoped to avoid. Unfortunately, a combined trauma and three years of casual acquaintanceship that lead into friendship meant Steve knew when something was off. He didn’t say anything about it. “I make a mean hangover cure.”

“I feel like shit, and we still have work tonight. I’m going to take a minute and rest.” My ass needs it, you thought, wondering what the collective response would’ve been if you said it. “I’ll see you later.” You give him your best attempt at a natural smile, to which Steve gives a huh look over you to Eddie when you turn away to the door.  Eddie shrugs, laying his arm around your shoulder.

Now, here you are, no choice but to face Steve as he hovered around you as the loud silence of your nails ticking against the plastic covers deafened your ears. You came into work, barely making it after a short nap to wallow in your anxiety with your mom calling upstairs when she had realized you haven’t gotten up for work yet. Steve hung onto you like a magnet as soon as you bolted in, letting you know there’s loads of tapes to return after he rewound most of them and he’ll need your help.

You saw right through him of course, but you agreed with your most convincing smile and avoided his brown eyes staring a hole into your head. Though, an hour into your shift it seems he had enough. “Ok, cut the shit. What’s wrong?”

The harsh tone behind his words startled you into looking him in the eyes for the first time since making fun of Robin with him towards the end of the night when she couldn’t wrap her head around it. Your mouth moved to speak, and you backed out last minute, looking back down to your task at hand. Lots of horror movies returned, you noted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Shit. Your voice wavered through that; you were unconvincing even to yourself.

Suddenly Steve’s green vest over a dark pink loose shirt tucked into his jeans was in your direct line of sight, hands on his hips, sporting a reprimanding look he usually saves for Dustin. “Seriously. Look at me.”

You look up, guilt evaded your brain as the genuine concern was displayed on his face.

“Did you not want-?” Steve asks, and it doesn’t even occur to you he’d be worried about this.

“It’s not that.” You shake your head hurriedly. “I promise. I knew what was happening and agreed wholeheartedly.”

“Then why the cold shoulder?” He asks, his voice softer and laying his hand on your arm, soothing with his thumb. You look down at it, fixated on how gentle he was. “Y/N. You’re going to have to answer me eventually. I will sit here for the rest of your shift don’t test me.”

Your eyes went back up to his face, and it felt like your anxiety bubbled to a stop. “I’m worried.” You start, moving to lift another VHS tape back until Steve stops you so you can focus on him. “I used to wonder what it might’ve been like on the occasion that I would hear a rumour or two and I figured it wouldn’t happen on the idea that sometimes you become too close to someone. I didn’t think it was a mutual notion.”

“You’re very wrong about that, go on.” Steve mentions casually.

“I-ok.” You pause, the sentence repeating itself in your mind. “I was afraid it would be different. I don’t want it to be. How do I interact with you knowing what I now know?” You glance at him; he seems bewildered by your thought process. “I overthink everything. I’ve never done anything like that, and I don’t know how to be normal.”

“Darling. You don’t think. Just do. I won’t judge you for what I heard before I joined, during, the aftermath. If I did, I wouldn’t have such a great reputation about it.” He takes his hand off yours, returning to work. “I will you treat you normal. It might take you a minute, but you’ll get into the swing of it. Avoiding me might’ve just made it worse though.”

Your eyes rolled at him, already feeling better that Steve was willing to go back to normal. “I am shy!” You claim, putting more Friday the 13th movies away.

Steve couldn’t hold back. “That’s not what you said last-” He didn’t even finish- you didn’t let him. You whacked him with a VHS, admittedly a little too hard. Steve ran off, giggling like a mad man towards to where Robin was rewinding the last of the tapes.

Wait, what did Steve hear before he joined? “Steve!”

-

A happy blissful two weeks passed by, a World Geography test you both crammed for during a night that ended up with you bent over his dresser, and nights spent with the Hellfire club and him finally convincing you to play in occasionally. After Dustin and Mike spend the two weeks grovelling and bothering Eddie, eventually you, Dustin, Mike, Eddie, Nancy, Robin, Steve, Max, and Lucas are all downstairs at the Wheelers with a game of Catan in front of you.

How the hell Dustin Henderson manages to convince people to play games like this is beyond you. It was beyond Eddie as well, complaining on the way over to the Wheelers’ residence. “I don’t know how the kid convinces so many people to do play board games with him. I have spent years building my recruitment skills. How the hell does he do it?”

You laugh, pulling yourself out of a soft gravity of bliss you were feeling as he held your hand and sang along quietly to the soft rock on the radio. “Mostly through bribing and relentless begging. It only works on people who find him somewhat amusing. You should see him attempt to recruit outside of the circle. It’s a nightmare.”

“Still though.” He pauses, thumbs drumming against the beat on his steering wheel. “He’s got the makings of a great Hellfire Club leader.”

“Don’t tell him that.” You say, shifting in the fabric seats as you turn the final corner to the Wheelers. “The kid worships you. Plus, if you offered him the spot then told him you’re taking the throne I think he’d riot.”

Eddie laughs, lifting his hand to your face to frame it fondly and stares at you for a moment too long considering he was still driving. The look you have always wanted to see him staring at you with was well worth it. “No, he’s also just more knowledgeable than some members who have been going to the club for years. I think it just makes sense.”

“When are you planning on telling him this? I’m pretty sure he’s been plotting and campaigning for taking over your role since the end of September.” You comment, remembering the plotting of him with an exasperated Steve Harrington at Family Video one night.

“I’m waiting to see what he gets me for Christmas.” Eddie laughs, signalling to turn into the driveway.

It seems the two of you were fashionably late, coming down to a basement full of teenagers waiting impatiently. “Finally!” Dustin exclaims, ripping out the boardgame as soon as you were in sight.

“Busy were ya?” Robin asks, a side smirk on her face.

Actually, you were. It is not your fault your boyfriend is relentlessly horny at the worse times. It was hard not to self consciously adjust your hair, wondering if something gave it away. The sharp memory of Eddie straight up grabbing your pussy when you told him there was no time yet feeling large wet spot that has been looming on your panties from watching him practice on his guitar while listening to some music. “I knew you were fucking horny. C’mon bend over for me, we only have a few minutes to make us both cum.”

The silence following Robin’s cheeky accusation was enough to accidentally confirm. “Blame him.” You point, letting go of his hand and laughing at the look of betrayal across his face. A portion of the group laugh out loud, Dustin and Mike mimicking gagging.

Dustin lays out the game, distributes the pieces appropriately and explains the rules. Mike’s family owns the Settler version of Catan, a game that requires trading and early colonialism. It takes a few times for you and Steve to understand the rules and basic concept, but the game gets heated quickly.

Remember, the two eldest Wheelers, Eddie, Steve, Dustin, and Max are all in the same game. This was doomed from the start. You, Lucas, and Robin are pretty much in it for the drama by the half point when you all collectively realized none of you were going to win. Instead, you three started instigating more drama.

Dustin and Max were in the middle of arguing about how she supposedly betrayed the alliance they made. Max is asking where the written contract was, and Dustin claims it was in her word. Meanwhile, though they were separated because of their inability to get along, it somehow made it worse with them arguing across the table after Nancy interjected the road Mike has built. Eddie has gotten himself into a heated argument with Steve, turns out both were after the limited recourse that was clay. You wished that Dustin had thought this through a bit more because you didn’t think this version of Catan was built for these many players.

Steve yells loud enough to make every other argument die, cutting into the amused glance you and Lucas were exchanging. “Ok! We gotta figure this shit out. Eddie. You gotta give me the clay. It was obvious that was my goal first.”

“Oh. You want the clay?” Eddie asks, starting to pick up pieces he had on the board. Uh oh. You don’t know how but you saw this coming from a mile away. “Here! Take it!” Eddie starts throwing them to Steve, he rapid fires them at him, taking no time between each fling.

The individuals surrounding you were a mixture of laughter and annoyance, most of them were both. You could barely pay attention to it, there was this a of emotion in you, your breath hitched sharply as you watched him start to throw Nancy’s road, causing her to interject rather wildly. The realization hit you like a fire truck on the way to a fire across the state with ten minutes until the house burnt down.

Holy shit.

Holy shit you loved him.

You truly loved him.

Your heart rammed in its cage as the knowledge startles you into silence, still watching Eddie with a stupid grin on your face. For all intents and purposes, you were wholeheartedly in love with Eddie fucking Munson. You were waiting for this epiphany to hit you ever since the conversation you had with him in your kitchen at supper with your parents. The amount of phone calls the two of you had and you wanted to blurt it out despite the uncertainty of its truth was nearly overwhelming.  

You smiled to yourself, watching as Dustin gets up to point Eddie to where you were sitting, informed he was now kicked out from this round and to sit down next to you so you could keep an eye on him. “Oh, come on! That’s so lame.”

“Think of it as revenge for all the times you doxed perception points for needing to piss, asshole.” Dustin yells a little too loudly.

“Dustin. Tone.” You remind him, noticing a certain trend in tone from him lately.

“Sorry.” He says towards you, understanding he needed to take it down a notch. “Dude. You threw pieces. Not cool. If I did that in D&D I would’ve been killed in a heartbeat.”

“Why do you think I’m a Master and not a player? I don’t have the patience for it.” Eddie laughs walking over to you.

He grabs a chair and places it right next to you, placing his arm around your shoulders. “You okay?” He asks, so close to you if you looked towards him, he would be too close to be in focus.

You let a wide smile spread across your face, the words attempting to bubble out of your mouth. You hold back. Not right now. “I’m great. I just didn’t realize you’d be so competitive.”

“I usually go for the clay because no one else does and it becomes a great asset in the end. I don’t know how Steve deducted that but sometimes I get carried away, you know.”

“I know, baby.” You laugh, Eddie squeezing your shoulder sharply in response.

The game ends with a surprise win from Robin, having suddenly getting into it once she put the rules and noticed certain strategies, she was tired of quietly communicating to her best friend and him ignoring her gesturing. Robin might’ve been terribly awkward at times, but she knew strategy. It worked for her. Dustin pretended to bow down as you all applauded her success, Robin yelling triumphantly in the centre with friends scattered around her in an incomplete circle. You were leant back into Eddie, watching Dustin ask her, nearly hound her on how she managed to do it.

 You didn’t even notice the content smile on your face, Eddie kissing into your temple. You leaned into him, enveloping his lips into yours, feeling a whiff of emotion as you tried to silently express the emotions you felt earlier to him.

“You guys are gross.” You hear Max claim, hearing her approach the couch behind you.

The two of you look to her, and Lucas is right next to her, his arm around her tentatively. “Call it what you want. Would you rather us be fighting all the time like my parents?” Eddie asks, grabbing your hand.

“Oh god no.” Max mutters, memories of her fighting parents flashing before her eyes. “You’re just sickeningly cute. I mean me and Lucas kiss but not nearly as cavity inducing as the two of you.”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head. “If you don’t want cavities, you can look away at any given moment. Also don’t think the two of you aren’t cavity inducing as well. You’re adorable, kids. Own it.”

Max’s face scrunches at being called adorable, Lucas looking at her fondly. If Max could only see how this boy stared at her when she wasn’t looking you wondered if she would be so inclined to dump him like she did. Max gulped, smiling half heartedly. You could tell there was something on her mind, yet Dustin and Lucas had both already voiced their concerns and she loudly dismissed it. You’ve been keeping an eye on her, wondering how she was holding up.

Ever perceptive, Max narrows her eyes as to pointedly wonder why you were staring. You stick her tongue out at her, deflecting the act of being caught. Max’s blue eyes roll in response. Lucas is talking to her, his voice soft enough to where you couldn’t make out what he was saying, though you probably weren’t supposed to hear it based on Max’s visible blush and a smile she tries to hold back.

Your attention flips back to Eddie, and you wonder how you’re going to tell him. What if he wasn’t ready to say it yet?

Funnily enough, Eddie Munson, too wrapped up in admiring you and successfully zoning out the argument over the game that is still happening, was wondering the same thing. He had this epiphany when you two went for a drive last week. You were singing Take on Me, a newer song you haven’t quite gotten the lyrics quite down and failed to reach the higher notes, resulting in Eddie barely holding back in his laughter, you are calling him mean before you join him.

While your voice cracked through your high notes, your chin lifted and eyes closed as you gave it a good hard try, he looked over to you, the epiphany hitting him much softer than yours hit you. Yours took the wind out of you, his was as if a butterfly landed on him and kissed him to bless him with it. The last key change with the completely wrong note that escaped your lungs with a screech brought him into laughter.

“Baby. That was amazing. I haven’t heard anyone that off key since Jeff attempted the operatic section of Bohemian Rhapsody.” He laughs grabbing your hand. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He felt them in his throat, threatening to climb out without his permission. Though he had a feeling this was not the moment.

Now, eyes full adoration for you as you carefully weave your pointer finger through his somewhat unruly curls, he was wondering when the best time would be. The words felt stuck in his throat, burning with a desire to crawl out. He felt somewhat worried they would leave without his permission one night, the want to say it between classes or a late-night phone call. He’s been waiting somewhat impatiently for you to say it.

However, your brain has convinced itself he’s not ready for it yet and he would look at you with pity if you had confessed it now.  

So, it would still be another two weeks before either one of you confessed.

-

While Robin isn’t competitive, she is not above bragging. Her intelligence that seems to make up for her lack of knowledge of social cues is made up in strategy and analytics. Usually, you and Robin are making side eyed glances at one another at work, but today you find being a lone sane ranger in what felt like a wilderness of absolute madness. Were you drugged by the Russians again? In another game of D&D that had no curfew due to a long weekend? (Thanksgiving was next week, anyway.)

No, just a bragging Robin Buckley and a salty Steve Harrington.

You were manning the front desk, avoiding them as they were actually driving you crazy for once. Off to the side, they were arguing over changing up the display. You had only heard bits and pieces of their conversation, only enough to understand the gist of what this argument was about. “Well, how do you know my idea isn’t better, huh?”

“Cause my strategy actually won, that’s how!” Robin shoots back without missing a single beat.

Steve yells in frustration, and without any warning he places a nicely toned arm around your shoulder. “Can you please ask Robin to cut it out” he asks, yelling the last three words of his sentence.

 “I don’t understand how this is my problem. I didn’t play in the game.” You say, shrugging out of his arm to make yourself clear you’re not on either side of their petty argument.

“You brought the shit disturber!” Steve shouts, gesturing to the door as if Eddie was about to appear at the mention of his name.

Looking over, you hoped he was there to save you from this annoyance. No such luck, Uncle Wayne had stolen him for the night.

You look back to face Steve, the annoyance and disappointment clear on your face. “What Eddie does while playing games is not in my control. If I thought I could control what he does playing anything, you think we would’ve gotten along so easily?” The side of his mouth quirks up for a second, internally laughing and agreeing with you.

He couldn’t show that to you, of course. “Whatever, just have better control over your boyfriend next time. That way I won’t fucking lose.”

“Sure, Steve. It was Eddie’s fault you lost. Let’s say that.” You comment sarcastically, nodding along.

“HAH!” Robin yells from where she and Steve were arguing. Oops. You may have accidentally taken sides.

The arguments don’t die down. By the end of it, you were mentally exhausted from all of it. The Sunday night seemed to droll on, the busiest days for returns but the slowest for renters. After rewinding all the returns and straight up ignoring your coworkers, Steve locks up the store and you walk away from their continued arguments. How the hell did they never get tired of arguing? No wonder you thought they were together, fuck.

As you pull in, you notice a familiar van down the street. No shit.

The front door enters, and your mom comes up to you with a look of kindness as she can tell you were exhausted. Your brain barely registers it, the idea of Eddie being upstairs enough to settle at least a small percentage of your nerves. “Hi, sweetheart. Your supper and a guest are upstairs.”

Your eyes open wide, knowing Eddie parks down the block when he wants to sneak in without the parentals knowing.

“He fell off your bed. Tell him he can use the damn door.” She comments as you start to run up the stairs to your room to avoid the look your mom is giving you.

You open your door, Eddie on your bed cross legged in a pair of plaid pajamas and an old band t-shirt, watching the door in what can be only described as fear.

A beat.

“You fell off my bed?” You ask, your backpack falling off your shoulder as you drop your car keys on the floor.

“Oops?” Eddie asks, face in an odd mix of fear and humour. “In my defense, I have shit balance and I’m impressed I haven’t eaten shit while climbing through your window before.”

Your head tilts. “You did it crawling through the window?”

Eddie huffs a laugh. “Not my finest moment, your mom caught me halfway back out the window.”

You huff, hand landing onto your forehead. Shit, you really loved him.

“Your mom said we have until midnight.”

“See, this is what happens when you don’t wait until I’m home.” You would never tell your mom, and the only others that do know are Nancy and Robin, but Eddie has been spending one or two nights a week spending the night at your house. Uncle Wayne knew that your parents don’t know, but Eddie is 20, you’re 18, he didn’t see the big deal.  

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t wait until my smoking girlfriend got home.” Eddie puts his hands up, turning it on you. “My bad. I’ll try to hide my charming enthusiasm for you for now on.”

You roll your eyes and fling the shirt you had just taken off to his face. “Hey now! I need to see the goods! You can’t hide them from me!” Eddie runs low into you, like his imitation of a gremlin. “Show me the goods!”

The laughter you fail to hold in bubbles out, and you can’t imagine what your parents must be thinking. Although Eddie sneaking in has become a common practice for the two of you, you still feel anxious as shit until you know they’re in their bedroom asleep.

He can feel you’re still anxious and grabs your cheeks into his hands. “Anxious?”

You nod, still amazed you have the luxury of seeing his brown eyes this close. How was it legal they were so damn pretty?

“Uh,” your breath hitches, and you realize you weren’t breathing. “Mmhm.”

Eddie smirks, and you became afraid of what crossed his mind.

You had a right to be.

“What,” he asks, leaning in. You had hoped he was leaning in to kiss you, but he flies passed your lips and to your ear, “is my pretty girl afraid her parents will hear her being a slut?”

You gulp, your heart beating faster. You can feel the heat of your core getting warmer by the second. Words escape your mind all the sudden, so you nod.

“I mean they were bound to hear it one day,” Eddie chuckles, putting a well thought out hand onto your hip, the thumb rubbing purposely.

Your gulp is audible, Eddie nods in understanding, as if your protest was enough for him to take pity on you, for now. “Okay, maybe not today. But pretty baby does want to, right?”

Your head shakes fast, nodding vigorously. “Yes. Definitely.”

Eddie’s head jerks back, a shit eating grin on his face. “Okay. We’ll wait until 10, their bedtime.”

You tilt your head to see around his body that had backed you up against the wall to the alarm clock on your bedside table. It was 7:08. Three hours. You lean back in, the expression of not wanting to wait so long clear on your face. “Huh?”

“You said you didn’t want them to hear you. C’mon. I wanna show you an evil plot I have formed. I need a new opinion that won’t convince me not to do something just because their character wouldn’t survive it.” Eddie says, grabbing your hand and leading you to the bed, previous talk seemingly forgotten about.

“Then I have to cover the goods.” You respond, realizing you were still half undressed. You run to your dresser, grabbing a pair of shorts and one of his shirts. If he was going to tease you, you could very much do the same. Eddie had made it clear shortly after Halloween short shorts and a shirt of his was a weakness of his.

Two can play that game.

-

The anticipation was ruthless and unfair for the both of you. Eddie showed you his notes from the fantasy novels he had checked out from the library and how he had planned to use it in the campaign for this upcoming week, and your legs and the smell of your perfume was just intoxicating to him. The slight shift of his eyes moving from his notes down to your legs consistently was enough to make you feel smug.

It was about 9:30, your textbooks out and working on some long question answers together. You were genuinely attempting to some work, seeming as you might as well if you have the time and you need to make sure he still gets his shit done. “Okay, I can’t take it. Put on some damn pants.” Eddie tells you, only a few words on his paper and his pencil beside him.

“Nope. You started it. You made this bed. Sit in it.” You say, not even looking up from where you were writing.

“Fuck. You know I am absolutely going get you back for this, right?” Eddie asks, playing with his rings and flexing his fingers unnecessarily.

You intended to stay focused on your paper, knowing he was up to something. “I look forward to it.”

Eddie glances at the time. 9:35. Fuck. If he gave in early, then you would win. But if he gives in then he gets you. “Princess.” He mutters, and you look up. He crashes his lips onto yours, his mouth open and enveloping your lips into his.

You break from him. “I thought you were waiting until 10.”

“Oh, I am,” Eddie comments, hand soothing you wherever he can reach. “We can make out for twenty minutes. Just gotta keep your hands to yourself.”

“Can you keep your hands to yourself for twenty minutes?” You challenge him, a sly smile making its way onto your face. “You are quite handsy.”

You had him figured out; he finds himself challenged as you stare at him unblinkingly. But if you knew Eddie Munson, you knew he doesn’t back off from a challenge, even if he knew he was backed into a corner. Man doesn’t know how to admit he was wrong. “Can you?” He asks, turning it back onto you.

A smile breaks onto your face, genuine this time. You dramatically push both of your books and the papers off your bed. Eddie lifts his eyebrow at you quizzically. Though he was amused, he couldn’t help but admire how adorable you were. In response to Eddie’s raised eyebrow, you grabbed him by the shirt, yanking him down so the two of you are lying on your bed with Eddie on top of you. On the way down he let out a yelp out of surprise, chuckling as he found his footing and gripped your sheets.

Eddie leaned into you, not giving you any moment to register it. Off the bat you can feel yourself getting antsier, the way Eddie worked his tongue against yours driving the heat downward right into your core.

Slowly, you hear him breathing shallower and shallower. Your hands grabbed Eddie by the nape of his hairline, tugging on it lightly. Eddie lets out a sharp breath, giving you a dark look as he pulls back again.

A bubble of laughter escapes your mouth, despite trying to hold it back. “What? I just touched your hair.”

“Oh, is that the game we’re allowed to play?” Eddie asks, his tone of voice slightly scaring you. “I didn’t know we were allowed to play dirty.”

Eddie meets your mouth with more force now, as if he was doing his best to tug a breathy moan out of you. He leans back from you, using his thumb to tug your bottom lip down and open your mouth. He places the thumb inside, laying the pad of his thumb resting on your tongue. You instinctively start to suck on it, moving your tongue around it. His kisses move down, wet feeling of his tongue combined with your lips trailing down along your neck and into the crook where your neck and shoulder meet. His teeth make their way into the mix, starting to bite and nip and suck along your shoulder and collarbone.

This had brought on the feeling of ecstasy, your eyes rolling in the back of your head. “I thought-hmm” you stutter as Eddie works his tongue expertly against your skin. “I thought our hands were being kept to ourselves.”

Eddie gives an exceptionally strong suck on your collarbone, he looks up, lips kissed bruised and eyes wild as he looks up from his hard work. “Oh, my hands are being kept to myself. We said nothing about our lips.” You give a side-eye, your mind wondering if he was gonna go down on you then if he was so insistent on using his lips. He catches this, narrowing his eyes at you. “What?”

“Nothing.” You lie, unconvincingly.

“Noth-nothing?” Eddie stutters, placing his ringed hand into your hair. “That was not nothing. If I have learned anything about you, its to ask what look I see on your face right now.”

You giggle, feeling shy. “If you don’t keep your lips to yourself why stop at my collarbone?”

“Oh, you shithead.” Eddie mutters, one long lick from your nape to your ear. “You absolute brat.”

His hand leaves your hair and slides them up your arms to place his hands in yours, clutching your hands a tad harder than necessary and moving them above your head. It managed a small whine out of you, slightly wriggling around as his hands had you tied down. Eddie leans down to you, and you’re expecting the dirtiest kisses he can provide you. He gives you light tongue, barely letting you have a taste of the permanent weed that staycayed in his mouth.

His knee jerks forward into your cunt, and you let out a breathy gasp. “How are you feeling, sweetheart, hmm?”

You frown slightly in response, annoyed at his cheeky question. Eddie smiled, giving you a look of satisfaction. He opened his mouth to respond, and a noise down the hallway catches his attention.

Your parents’ door closing.

Eddie’s head snaps towards your clock, it displayed 10:06.

A dark smile is displayed across Eddie’s face, and he yanks himself off your bed and locks your door. His shirt hits the floor as he makes his way back to your bed and you can barely ask what’s going on when he leans back in to lay another kiss on you. “Baby.” He mutters, his hand starts up and down your legs, wasting little time.

“Hmm?” You ask, somewhat in a daze.

“It’s after ten.” He whispers, making you understand the change in atmosphere. “You still want to?”

You giggle, your hands immediately grabbing at the hem of your shirt to take it off. “You gonna fuck me good, Ed?”

“Not Ed,” he mutters, his voice partially muffled by your shorts in his teeth. “Not now.”

“Daddy you gonna fuck me good?”

No words left his mouth, but you saw the darkened eyes as his hands gently finished the shorts’ journey off your legs. You waited in bated breath as you felt Eddie’s hot breath against your thighs next to your pussy. “Look how pretty this pussy is.” Eddie admires you, his finger lightly grazing against your folds. “And she’s so wet, too. I’ve barely even touched you.”

“That’s-that’s a lie and you know it, Ed.” You whine, resisting the urge to slam your legs together in the increased state of vulnerability you feel.

“Not Ed, and it’s…debatable.” Eddie decided, taking in the velvet feeling of the wetness against your entrance. He takes a scoop of your slick and slips it into his mouth for the taste of it and bites back a moan. “Fuck, you taste so good, princess.”

Your hips move restlessly, tired of the lack of touch. “Do-do something, Daddy. Anything. Please.”

Eddie chuckles, taking pity on you. He yanks himself off the bed, ripping his belt off so his jeans come off with one swift move. His underwear is ripped off without another thought. “Anything? How about you?”

Before you can even process what Eddie meant you feel him line his cock up against your entrance, and you moan loudly at the feeling of his cock finally pushing into you after hours of his fingers grazing your skin lighting it on fire. “Holy- oh my god-” you moaned, reeling in the feeling.

Eddie leans into you, lying his body against yours, your tits being pushed up to your ears. “Fuck, your pussy feels so goddamn good, sweetheart. So, so goddamn tight, and wet, and I will never get over how fucking good your pussy is.” Eddie rambles into your ear, voice deep and gruff.

“Move? Please?” You ask him gently, wondering if he even heard what you had said.

“Maybe I just wanna be in you for a little bit.”

“Mmmhm!” You whine, both turned on and angered by the idea. “Please?”

“Since you asked so nicely, my love.” He says, and his first hip thrust makes you forget how gentle he was.

Eddie moves his hand as he thrusts awkwardly so his fingers cling to your clit, rubbing frantically as if he wanted to make you cum as fast as possible. The build up from waiting in a frantic heightened state combined with the lovely foreplay Eddie had so generously provided for you brought on the feeling of your orgasm in the pit of your stomach, fast and startling.

He saw the flutter of your eyelid, felt the squeezing of your thighs, felt your breathing grow shallower by the minute, he could tell you were close. “My baby close?”

You nod, your eyelids struggling to stay open.

“Yeah? Just got my cock in you and you’re already gonna cum?” He asks, the pressure of his thumb tensing up lightly, rubbing it faster.

You nod again, moaning loudly as his thrusts hit harder.

“I don’t know if my baby has been a good enough girl for that, being a brat, n’ all…” Eddie manages, and your brow unconsciously furrows, clear as day you were not a fan of this idea. “No, you think you deserve to cum?”

You nod your head frantically, wordlessly begging for him to show you any kind of mercy.

“I guess I’ll allow it.” Eddie says after pretending to consider it.

The words had set off a flood gate of pleasure stunning you into border lining on completely limp. Usually after such an intense orgasm he would stop, allowing you to catch your breath before he carried on. However, this time intensity of your cunt tightening around his cock so tight had Eddie losing his mind, continuing to fuck you into oblivion.

He made his way up so he was sitting up and you were still on your back, now managing to hit deeper. Though you have been sexually active with him quite frequently, often enough to make anyone blush, making Eddie’s limit extended. Even with this additional experience, sometimes just the tightening of your cunt as you finish around him brings him to his high.

“Fuck, your tight-tight fucking pussy, so perfect, so beautiful, feels so fuckin good, sweetheart.” Eddie grunts, and you’re finally recovered enough to enjoy the blissed out look on his face. “Fuck-” With a final snap of his hips, the familiar feeling of Eddie’s cum filling you up filled your senses. You watched Eddie’s half lidded eyes as he was in the depth of the feeling of his orgasm.

Breath finally fills your lungs after the air being sucked out of it from being able to watch something as hot and ethereal as this boy that you thirsted after for three years cum inside you. How was this real? Nearly two months of you two together and you were still waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Eddie to tell you this was enough experience and now he had wanted to be with someone who he had actually liked.

The insecurity hit you in a place that drove you to sit up and tug him down to lie back on top of you. Eddie had sensed some sort of change in your disposition, the insecurity flashing across your face before he was tugged down to you. “You, you okay, sweetheart?”

“I just really-” the word wanted to leave your mouth. It was sitting in your voice box’s waiting room, reading one of the magazines for the fifth time. Its number was called, again. The word looked up and shook it’s head. It just wouldn’t leave your mouth. “I just hope this never ends.”

“I’m still in you.” Eddie says, lifting his head and giving you a weird look. You laugh together, the bizarre feeling of his cock twitching inside of you as he wasn’t moving, you pulse around him. “Me too, princess.” Eddie leans back onto you, peppering your neck with quick kisses.

You push him off and out of you, now exhausted from your long day at work and remembering you had school the next day. “You’re still coming over next week?” You ask him, watching as he got himself back into his clothes.

“Of course! Wayne not having to cook anything that even resembled a Thanksgiving dinner is a definite RSVP.” Eddie jokes, and you realize he’s about to take off when he slips on his jacket.

“Nothing to do with your girlfriend, huh? Only coming for Wayne’s sake?” you asked, edging him on to admit that you’re the reason he was willing to spend supper with his girlfriend’s parents and his own guardian.

“Wayne would’ve come to eat with them whether or not they had invited him, honestly.” Eddie laughs, doing a last ruffle through his hair. “Oh, sweetheart I have a surprise for you.” He mentions, moving his leg out of your window.

“Ooh! What?” Eddie’s surprises rarely (never) failed you.

“You’ll find out tomorrow morning.” He says, now out your window and giving you a cheeky grin. He leaned in to give you a sweet kiss, sly smile making you weak in the knees. You’re pretty sure seeing this smile alone in the first month of freshman year is what made you fall for him. Despite the internal monologue of telling yourself giving in to his kisses will only encourage him to go on with his bullshit, another part of you loved this part of him and knew your relationship wouldn’t be the same without it.

“This Friday at your house, Ed?” You asked him, leaning against the window as he stayed crouched.

“Just like always, sweetheart.” There’s finality in his voice, and the word still refuses to leave your throat. I love you.

“See you tomorrow baby.”

“Tomorrow.”

-

If you had a normal night at work last night then you would’ve spent all night tossing and turning, wondering what surprise he would give you.

Over the past six weeks Eddie has realized one way to show he cares is to give you surprises and always have something to pull out of his back pocket. A broken piece of one of his old guitar picks you have displayed on your mirror, an old chain necklace he didn’t wear anymore, a flower he miraculously found in the back alley at the bar his gig was at, and lastly, a movie date that started with wining and dining and ended with highly sinful whisperings into your ear.

The morning started with meeting Eddie in the parking lot, hand in hand to walk in tandem into the school. “Look beautiful today, baby.” He speaks to you lowly, causing your face to heat up.

You don’t respond, afraid to stutter out a response. You walk over to a table where Nancy is currently arguing with Evan, an argument they’ve had since last week.

“-because that’s not what’s important about the story! It’s not about the discrepancies that lead up to it, its about the truth. It’s why we report.” Nancy was exasperated, a notepad full of a nearly finished story (or an idea of the story), using her pen to point at her notepad insistently.

“But Nancy this is a part of the truth! It’s an important detail that tells the whole story, the whole image of what we are telling. No piece of information is unimportant, can’t believe you’d even claim that.” Evan says, sounding genuine.

“Evan this information is hearsay. You have no proof other than speculation to prove it’s true.” Nancy shots back, her jaw hard.

You were going to announce you and your boyfriend’s arrival when you had sat down but this was just entertaining. Their arguments were usually along these lines, Nancy shuts it down in the end and you were looking forward to how she would do it today.

“I have a strong rumour mill to rely on. They’re not wrong very often.” Evan contorts, his voice telling the three of you he thought he had Nancy down.

Nancy glances to you and you realize she’d known you were there all along, giving you a side eye. You both know the rumour mill in town is not always correct. In fact, the two of you have relied on Hawkins’ inaccuracy. “Unless you can give me a congruent resource, it’s a no-go.”

“Yeah, alright, whatever.” Evan leans onto his elbow, tapping the pen on his paper. Suddenly, you find Evan looking at you, a new glint in his eye. “So, any chance-”

“Go away, Evan.” You say, knowing exactly what he was going to ask. “Besides, the frenzy around our relationship has died down by now. I don’t think it would be the hard-hitting piece it would’ve at one point.”

“You’d be surprised how much people want to know.” Evan states, looking around him as if those very people had asked him personally questions about the two of you.

You rolled your eyes. “Dude.” Eddie says, out of patience from hearing you complain about him. You watched as Evan’s glance switched to Eddie and his eyes widen in fear. Sometimes Eddie’s reputation was worth it. “Drop it.”

A conscious effort is used on your part to not seem surprised at how hard Eddie’s voice was. Anything close to what you’d heard before was something he would use in good fun. Evan has been border-lining aggressive about it, despite Nancy’s continuous efforts to get him to cut it out.

Evan nodded slowly, the message was received, he waved wordlessly to Nancy and walked out of the cafeteria, looking back at Eddie with wide eyes.

As soon as Evan was out of earshot the three of you break into laughter, hardly believing his reaction. “Pretty sure he went to go change his pants,” Nancy laughed, closing her notepad.

“Can’t believe that worked.” Eddie says relieved smile on his face.

“You were scary.” Nancy states, switching her glance between you two. ‘Scary’ she mouths at you.

“Your brother seems to think so.” Eddie said, glancing towards where Mike and Dustin were sitting at the Hellfire club table.

“He also says that she ruined you.” Nancy laughs, scratching at the back of her neck.

You roll your eyes, used to Mike’s vague irritation aimed at you about his beloved heartless, demonic Dungeon Master. “He’ll get over it.” You remember. “So, Ed. What are you telling me?”

“I was wondering when you were going to ask me.” Eddie says, leaning into you and putting his arm around you. “Well, sweetheart I called up Harrington last night,” concerning, go on, “and I asked him of a favour.”

“I heard he had already given you two a favour.” Nancy comments, writing in her notebook.

The two of you glance at her, unaware of her knowledge of the incident from Halloween. Anyway.

“Wonder how many people just...know.” Eddie comments, scratching his chin. “Anyway, he got us another reservation at Chef’s Table.”

“No shit.” You comment, excitement about doing the date right this time without the first date jitters. “Same table?”

“Same table.”

“Fuck yeah!” You say, pumping your fist in celebration.

“Don’t waste it!” Steve says, seeing your celebratory pump in the air, not knowing if this is what you were talking about but betting on it anyway.

“Go to work!” Nancy shouts back, pointing to the clock on the wall that stated ten minutes until class started.

“Why do you kick him out every morning?” Eddie asks, kissing you lightly on your cheek after he says it.

“Cause then he would be loitering and I’d rather him deal with me than Principal Higgins or the police.” Nancy states, grabbing her stuff to get to her first class. “I gotta go anyway. Yearbook stuff.”

“Guess we should go to class too, huh?” Eddie asks, getting up from his chair.

“Where did Eddie go?” You ask, looking around him dramatically.

“Shut up.” Eddie mutters, tugging you by the hand to head to your locker, as you routinely did.

-

 The week was uneventful to say the least. Quiet conversations with him in the halls and World Geography, loud exclamations in the cafeteria with Hellfire during lunch, written notes exchanged between you and Robin, and a stupid amount of clownery at Family Video. Don’t be fooled, you were also involved in the clownery of course. Eddie visiting you after his gig on Tuesday was a nice surprise, him sneaking in (again) in his leather get up and you tugging him down so you could make out with him and ride him wearing the headband on his head.

Just the headband.

Eddie did try to convince you to hook up in the custodian closet, but you nervously said no to the offer, too scared of the idea of the janitor opening the door in the middle of it.

The third Thursday of November of 1985 rolled around, and it was suddenly Thanksgiving. Your mother spent all morning preparing for the Munsons to come over for dinner. It was filled with constant favours coming your way and doing the little tasks that get lost in the big picture of Thanksgiving. Sure, it was a holiday to get together with your family before Christmas and it was when the holiday spirit started to kick in but man, is it exhausting to prepare for.

You know you love him but when your dad calls from the living room demanding a drink after your sweet mom who has been slaving away in the kitchen all day you want to tell him to get his own damn shit. She has spent all day preparing fucking dinner, for gods sake.

Dressed in your best dress that is both family friendly and makes your boyfriend’s mouth water (the best kind of dress), you’re setting the last of the table settings and cutlery when the front door knocks, knocking the air out of you in the process. Heaven knows why you were even nervous, Wayne being a familiar face to you and Eddie doing movie night with you and your parents are two considerations that lead to a feeling of familiarity and comfort in your mutual families.

The door was opened to two spritely dressed Munson men, both obviously uncomfortable in their best dressed clothes. You weren’t sure you’ve ever seen Wayne dressed in anything but slightly dirty flannel. You were used to Eddie wearing nicer clothing on the occasion, but you preferred him in leather. Eddie wore a smile, the kind he wore when he wanted to water himself down. Wayne simply oozed discomfort. His face was warm, but you weren’t sure if it was the dress clothes or the forced politeness of a family dinner, but he did not seem at ease.

There you stood, in between your mom and dad, wondering how cheesy the three of you had looked for the moment. Was he fighting back laughter at this sitcom of a scenario? Lord knows you were.

A beat passed and your mom was finally the one to break the ice. “Welcome, gentlemen. Come on in, take your coats off.”

“Thanks for inviting us.” Eddie says, and you hate to admit but it sounded rehearsed. Like he and Wayne had practiced it together on the way over.

“Of course! You are welcome anytime; we just made too much food.” Your mom jokes, and the silence in her laughing is deafening.

“I’m just glad I don’t need to cook anything resembling Thanksgiving. It usually crawls away from our plates.” Wayne gruffs out, clearing this throat. You knew Wayne well enough to know that he was joking back to her.

The two men make their way into the door and shrug their jackets off. Eddie must’ve been wearing one of Wayne’s jackets because it just engulfed him, and you figured Wayne yelled at him not to wear the leather. Ed didn’t have anything else, so he borrowed Wayne’s.

As you all make your way over to the dining area, your father starts talking to Wayne, having been on the nightshift together for the last few months since Wayne had picked them up. The two of them continue their quiet conversation, and this is exactly why you and your mom placed Wayne right next to him. They had someone to partake in conversation about work when you and your mom never completely comprehended what it was that he did at work.  

Your mom had you all pray, despite you communicating Eddie’s religious stance. She said that doesn’t make him intolerant of those still choosing to believe, and you were on the fence about this idea.

“So, you two, how are your grades?” Your mom asks right off the bat.

Eddie laughs, still admittedly about a D grade though you had helped him go from an F to a D with passing in homework. “They could probably be better in my case, but they have definitely been worse.”

“And you, Y/N?” She asks pointedly to you.

You look up from where you’re scooping the mash potatoes like a deer in the headlights. “I mean, I don’t have anything below a B. Why?”

“You two just do so much studying I figured you were getting straight As.” Your mom says, eyebrow raised deliberately.

You froze, looking up from your plate with wide eyes and your breathing gains major depth. “Mom!”

Wayne’s laughter catches the whole table’s attention, his hand in a fist with the back of it against his mouth, as if he was holding it in. “Hey, I’ve been telling them that this whole time but they don’t seem to get it.”

You couldn’t even attempt to see if your dad had caught on to what these two assholes were trying to imply off the bat. This goddamn supper was supposed to be a nice family gathering. No. Not in the stars. Dang.

Your glance goes next to you to your boyfriend, and he’s laughing as well. It was more the fact that you were both gained on as soon as they got the chance to rather than humour.

“You think we should leave these kids alone?” He asks, still laughing.

“It’s not as fun if I don’t see her embarrassed.” She says, reaching to you to pet your hair fondly. You jerk out of reach, lowkey pissed. “Why not. Just make sure your nephew starts using the door.”

“Door?” Wayne asked, unsure where this could lead to.

“Mmhm. He seems to insist on using my daughter’s window even though I have told him I will keep the door unlocked or give him a key if it means his van doesn’t startle me for the thousandth time.” Your mom tells him, shooting a cheeky glance towards Eddie.

“Edward” Wayne starts, and your mom finally learns his full name for when she wants to yell at him.

“Hmm?” Eddie turns his head to Wayne, already decided he will still use your window.

“Use their front door or you’ll likely not be welcome at their house anymore.” Wayne explains casually, as if he wasn’t telling off his nephew in front of another family.

“Yes sir.” Eddie nods, and his leg shaking mixed with his hand placed gently on your thigh somehow sends a message he wasn’t planning on stopping any time soon.

“So, Wayne. Just out of curiosity-” oh no, “why were you the relative chosen to raise your nephew?” Mom what the fuck?

-

Two hours and a buttload more of embarrassing questions from your mom and Wayne being a good sport throughout it all, you’re stuck doing the dishes again. How did you do the prep all day and clean up after it now? You swear you were swaying on the spot as you dried the dishes your boyfriend was carefully washing.

You could hear the idle conversation going away from how Wayne grew up through invasive questions during supper to mindless yet comfortable chatter, and it was terribly comforting. “You okay?” Eddie’s voice interrupts your eavesdropping, and you were startled out of it.

“Hmm?” You ask, looking up at him.

“You okay, princess?” Eddie asks, his movements paused as he expressed his concern.

“Why?”

“You’re rocking back and forth. You’ve also been drying this plate for more than five minutes.” Eddie says, gently grabbing the plate from you.

You shook your head, hoping it shakes you out of it. “I-I’m ok.” Sighing, your hand on your forehead to gain a hold of yourself. “I’ve been up and working in the kitchen since this morning. I’m just tired.”

“Sit down. I’ll finish the dishes.” Eddie states, guiding you to a chair.

“No, no it’s fine. I can do it-” you try to tell him, but he is having none of it.

“Sit.” Your butt lands on the wooden chair and the relief as your forehead hits the table is immediate.

“Put the dishes on the counter if you’re not sure where they go, I can finish it off” you tell him through the table, and Eddie slowly finishes the rest of the dishes by himself.

It feels like only two minutes pass by, and your mom walks into the kitchen, “Hey Eddie when you have a minute-” she stops midway through his sentence, seeing you dead asleep on the table.

Eddie turns toward you fondly, smiling softly as he watched the softness of your breathing as you slept. “She passed out basically the moment she sat down.” Eddie says, finishing drying the last of the dishes. “I was just going to finish cleaning up then wake her.”

“Oh. Okay. Um, when you have a minute your uncle said you do labour chores when you need extra cash mind stopping by when she’s at work on Sunday?” Your mom asks, and Eddie nods wordlessly. “Thanks.” Your mom steps out of the kitchen, and her brain has malfunctioned. For the last few weeks, she has caught him looking at you fondly and it assures her that he is someone who cares for you, but this look startled her. That look was not care; it was love. She had wondered if you two had even said the word yet. She had heard certain things, so she knew that was out of the question, but this was a whole new concept to her, and she needed a moment to wrap her head around it.

Eddie finishes putting the plates on the counter places his hand gently on your back. “Baby.” He mutters, hoping not to startle you wake.

Jokes on him, you always startle awake. “Hmm?” You jerk up off the table.

“Hi. Hi.” It takes you a moment to comprehend and for Eddie’s face to unblur in front of you. “You fell asleep. I think we should get you to bed.”

“Does that mean you’re leaving?” You ask pathetically, your mind not completely awake and aware that your parents can all hear this conversation.

He chuckles and wraps his arm around you. “Probably.” You whine about it, still tired and now cranky from being woken up. “We can talk about it, I promise.”

He escorts you up the stairs, aware of all six eyes watching the two of you as if it was the sweetest thing they’ve ever witnessed. God, adults are weird. When you were laid down onto the bed you curled up immediately into your pillow, a content smile making its way onto your face.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night, yeah?” Eddie asks, sitting next to you, not even sure if he’ll get a response. You just hummed. “You better remember.” Nothing came out. “Sweetheart?” he asks, and he’s sure you’re out cold. He leans in to kiss you on your head and mutters, “I love you” and shuts the door as quietly as he can behind him.

-

Thank God for long weekends. On an ordinary weekend when you had slept over at Eddie’s (Wayne always made sure he was away for the night; more for his sake than yours) Saturdays were taken away from your usual midday shift and suddenly you’re facing a whole week of school and homework on Sunday. You wanted to convince whoever needed convincing weekends needed a third day. You need to spend one more day off with your boyfriend, dammit.

Every Friday you were able to sleep over you made sure you had no homework left over, providing less mental load for when you just want to spend time with him. Thanksgiving had really left little time to make it happen as it usually did, especially falling asleep before 8pm, but the day off provided the time you needed. Who cares, let’s get to the sleep over.

After spending the day bent over your desk, you had packed an over night bag with minimal essentials and were reading an indie fantasy novel he had lent to you when he honked his horn to let you know he was there. He didn’t often honk, as most parents appreciated when boys came to the door, but at this point your mom had understood the deal. You got good grades, you were attending school, and Eddie had proven himself respectful. Seemed you had ‘earned’ the cliché of the bad influence boyfriend honking his horn while blasting his loud death metal music to announce his arrival.

You yell a goodbye and close the door, running out into the early winter air straight to his van. In classic Eddie fashion, he had turned down the loud music when he saw you in the review mirror but continued his headbanging. Considerate, but he’s still doing what he is gonna do. As soon as your door was shut, he put the van into drive and took off to the trailer park.

“What movie did you want to watch?” Eddie asks as he held out his hand to help you out his van. “Are in the mood for like a scary movie, funny, dumb?”

As you step onto the snow and there’s a crunch underneath your foot as you walk to the stairs leading up to the trailer. “I think I want something funny or dumb. Something to laugh at with you.” Eddie smiles at this, and you’re cute as shit.

Eddie goes inside and turns the light on, takes off his jacket and runs around like a headless chicken for a few minutes and you look at the VHS collection for something to watch with him. Eddie comes back from his room, holding a small tin container and a few small ‘gems’. You hold out your pick for him, and he grins maniacally. “I was hoping you would be picking a dumb movie tonight,” Eddie says, watching your ass as you started to set up the VCR.

“Oh, not in the mood for horror? That’s unlike you.” You answer, sitting yourself onto the couch in his arms. “So, what presents do ya have.” You ask, getting a look at what he had gathered from his room.

“I have a proposition for you.” Eddie starts, and you observe he is nervously gnawing on his lips.

“I’m intrigued.” You lean in, already barely paying any attention to the movie already, and the main character hasn’t even been introduced. “Go on.”

He shifts in his seat, hesitating in continuing with his proposal. “You don’t have to, and I would understand if you said no. Sweetheart, I want to get high with you. I do it on my own a bit, but I wanted to show you why I enjoy it, and experience that level of intimacy with you.”

It would’ve been a lie if you said you were expecting this. “I mean, getting high isn’t really my thing.”

Eddie laughs, not maliciously, just out of love. “I’m not expecting you to smoke it everyday. Being high this often comes with a lot of dead brain cells.” He jokes, sticking his tongue out of his mouth. “I do think people need to experience it at least once. It’s super freeing. We can sit here and look pretty and cuddle. I was waiting for a day where you could sleep over when you didn’t have to work tomorrow so you don’t have to see your parents until after you have time to shower.”

On the one hand, your heart stutters at the thought Eddie putting this much thought into smoking with you, giving you the full moment bask it in and recover the next day. On the other hand, the idea of smoking weed had barely crossed your mind, it was on the other realm of your life’s experience. A girl who is getting good grades and too shy to speak to her crush for three whole years is barely spending her weekends being blazed. On a theoretical third hand, there has been an impulsive thought where you had wondered what Eddie was like when he was blissed and why he didn’t seem to feel comfortable getting high around you. “I’m not against it.”

“What’s holding you back?” He asks pulling you against him tighter so you’re basically laying onto him.

“I-I was risen with the drugs bad campaign. Though now that I think about it if my parents go to a hook-up restaurant then they definitely smoked pot. Our elementary school had that assembly that yelled at us about how pot would kill us and there would be adults offering crack cocaine-”

Eddie snorts, interrupting you. “Yeah crack is a bit too expensive to be offering to any person on the street.”

“You’re not who I exactly pictured when they told me about the dangers of drugs, baby.” You answer, remembering the clear picture of a flasher with a trench coat opening to reveal several different labelled drugs. You sigh, and the idea of being in ignorant bliss is feels more tempting.

“Anything else holding you, sweetheart?” Eddie asks patiently, caressing your shoulder as he watches over you patiently.

You adjust yourself so you’re now laying on top of him chest to chest. “I’m scared I’ll get anxious and freak out.”

Eddie rubs your back, understanding this point of view. He did mushrooms about two years ago and it’s the kind of drug that you need to relax into, or you will have a terrible trip. Especially in Eddie’s case before he met his dealer Reefer Rick he would buy and not be 100% sure if what he was taking was safe. Pot is something you want to relax into but if you become hyper aware of your state it’s not detrimental, just shitty. “Yeah, that’s fair. The good news is you are with some one who” LOVES YOU “cares about you and will make sure you don’t smoke too much on your first time. Things get out of hand when you smoke with people who don’t care with you.”

“You wanna help me for my first time?” You ask, the innuendo too much to look over.

“If you got to teach me, why shouldn’t I repay the favour?” Eddie asks, understanding entirely what you meant. You lean in for a kiss, drinking in the feeling his lips never failed to give you. The kiss ends, you stare at him half lidded before nodding your head. Eddie smiles, a glint appearing into his eyes out of nowhere. “I need verbal confirmation, sweetheart. Are you sure?”

You roll your eyes, annoyed at his insistence on getting your consent on a regular basis but there are worse things to annoy you in the world. He just is making sure you don’t feel pressured into something you didn’t want to do. “Yes. Teach me how to smoke weed with you.”

“Cool.” Eddie sits up without warning, startling you as you roll backwards over your feet. When you give him, a warning look of ‘what was that’ he looks apologetic in forgetting you were on top of him in his excitement. “Sorry, sweetheart. I got excited. Holy shit. Ok. Gimme a sec.”

Eddie runs to a spot by the front door and climbs onto a chair and opens a roof vent. He hops off the chair and runs with it to his own room and presumably opens a vent there as well. Eddie jogs back with the chair in one hand and a lighter in the other and drops his chair off at its permanent location. You wondered if he used it for anything other than opening the vents.

He sits down, and he starts to move around his little tins. You watch him, fascinated by watching him work in a way you haven’t been able to see before. “What are you doing?”

You watch him and he pulls out a plastic baggy holding little green leafy clumps and a smell hits your nose you didn’t realize you had recognized. He opens the baggy and grabs one of the smaller clumps and moves on to a metallic round container with the same circumference as a golf ball. You watch his hands work, obviously idle and used to the habit by now. His fingers work to open the round container to show a series of seemingly sharp spikes spread equally around the surface area on both the lid and the bottom. He places the little ball into the circle and closes the container. You hear a grinding sound, like the sound of an Etch-A-Sketch and see Eddie using both hands to turn the container.

Honestly, you had no idea what he was doing or how you were about to smoke it, but it was cool. You watched the rest of the process, Eddie bringing out his rolling papers and filling it with a now smaller but similar substance to the stuff in the baggy and carefully rolling them up. It seemed like an art, almost. When the process was completed, Eddie proudly held up the joint and held it for you to see.

“Ta-da!” Eddie exclaims dramatically, his other hand’s fingers spread out. “I present to you our humble guide.” He puts down the joint and starts to add some to a new rolling paper.

“Are we smoking more than one?” You ask, adjusting yourself so you’re watching what he was doing more closely.

“You are taking two, maybe three inhales from this one. You don’t know it, but it’s decently sized. I, on the other hand, have an intense tolerance for this stuff so I need to smoke a little bit more.

“How much more?” You ask innocently, staring at the lone joint he put down on the table.

“Oh, maybe 5 or 6 more.” He answered casually, starting to roll up the second one. Your eyes widened at this thought, wondering if he was more chronic than you had anticipated. Eddie glances to see your pretty face while he rolls the joint and he laughs at your comically wide eyes. “I might indulge frequently but I never drive while high, made that mistake once and I haven’t seen my uncle more disappointed in me. Even when I said I failed grade 12 again. Trust me. There’s nothing more nerve wrecking than seeing that man’s face on the morning after I had confessed, I drove home while high.”

Eddie slaps his hands on his thighs, the international symbol for ‘alright let’s do this’. “Alright. Do you know how to light or use a cigarette?” He asks, turning his body to face you. You shook your head, bewildered. Has he met you? “Right, so when you inhale, you need to be taking the smoke right into your lungs. An easy trick I have learned to help newbies is to take it into your mouth first, then you sharply inhale to take it into your lungs.” You nodded, your student trained hands itching for a pen to write it down, so you don’t forget anything. “Hold it in for as long as you can. The longer, the better. If, if, if you choose to keep smoking on the occasion, you’ll find that your lung capacity will decrease and you won’t be able to hold that smoke in as long.”

You blinked rapidly, absorbing the buttload information Eddie has just provided you with. You didn’t realize there was so much to it.

“Don’t worry. You’ll stop overthinking about it when it starts to sink in. Warning, since you don’t know what it feels like exactly you might not realize you’re high and then it might hit you pretty hard. Which is why I’m here to provide you assurance.” Eddie warns and comforts you. “Are you still up for it?”

“Bring it on.” You’re not entirely convinced by this yourself, but the details and idea were intriguing to say the least.

Eddie gives you a wicked smile, his dimples pronounced and a crazy look in his eyes you could only assume was bizarre excitement. “Alright. Hold this up to your mouth, I’ll light it and tell you when to inhale.” You tentatively hold the joint for the first time, and it’s more fragile than you had expected. Your shaky hands hold it in a pincer grasp. Your eyes cross and focus on the lighter Eddie puts to the end of it, a white twisty part. The end is lit and spark flies as the end burns up fast. The joint burns up fast, and smoke starts to come out of it. “Now” Eddie gently says, and you start to attempt what he has described to you.

The smoke goes into your mouth, and you could taste what you had smelled when he opened the baggy. Step by step, you remove the joint from your mouth, sharply inhale the smoke into your lungs and a tang of discomfort tells you that you did it right. You thought you might be able to hold your breath for a good amount of time, but your lungs expel the smoke immediately, bringing out a coughing fit.

“That’s a good girl!” Eddie says, patting your back as he takes in his first inhale, dusting ash into an ashtray you hadn’t even noticed was in front of you. “Thirsty?” He asks, offering an ice-cold Coke.

You take the pop with gratitude, wondering how he knew exactly what you had needed. “Good? I coughed it all out.” You asked, curious to what you did was good when he had told you to keep it in your lungs as long as possible.

“Your lungs are clean. Usually if someone doesn’t cough their first inhale it means they did it wrong. Coughing is an excellent sign you did it just right. Need another hit?” Eddie offers the joint back, and it’s noticeably decreased in size, blackened on the end of it.

You nodded, not really feeling anything yet. You took a hit again, using the same steps, not coughing as bad this time. “Don’t you use a glass thing?” you ask, vaguely remembering seeing something in his room once or twice.

Eddie chuckled at your sweet ignorance, finishing the last of the joint you had handed to him. “A bong? Yeah that’s not meant for the first time smoking, sweetheart. Seriously, the last guy I saw try a bong for the first time he threw up almost immediately. It hits your throat a lot harder, even with ice.”

You weren’t sure how ice had anything to do with it, but you didn’t care. An urge to crawl into Eddie’s arms hit and you slowly started to crawl into him. “Wow okay you’re definitely high.” Eddie comments as you sprawl yourself onto his body.

“Huh?” You ask, lying on his chest and half paying attention to the movie. “I can’t even feel it.”

“Sweetheart,” Eddie says, petting your hair. “Look at me.” You turn your head to face him, and he bites back laughter. “Yeah, I knew it. You’re smiling.”

“So? Can’t smile at my boyfriend?” You ask, unsure of what that had to do with anything.

Eddie shakes his head. “No, you can smile, and I love it when I see that beautiful smile, baby. But usually, the smile sitting on your face right now is reserved for the stoned. And you, my dear, are very stoned.”

As you watch the movie, your breathing even and Eddie’s heartbeat in your ear, you start to think about the smile sitting on your face. As it sits you wonder if you can de-smile, so to say. You try to wipe it off your face, but it proves impossible and does the opposite as you giggle from the ridiculousness.

“Definitely stoned.” Eddie says with a fondness in his voice.

“Baby.” You say, crawling up to him. “Can-can we kiss? I want kisses. Please?”

Eddie nods, taking in your half-mooned eyes and your sleepy disposition. “Of course, sweetheart.”

After the two of you make out for a little, Eddie’s knee finding it’s way in between your legs, for the first time you direct him away from going any further. “I-I just don’t think I’m in a good state for that. Keep it PG?”

Eddie agrees without any protest, understanding in full. When the kissing ceases, you lie on his chest for a healthy amount of time, you figure out why they call it being high. It feels like you’re elevated, floating, everything is hazy, and it might take you longer to cognitively function but things feel safe.

You laid on Eddie without talking until well into the credits, and it seemed like you were paying attention to every name it had mentioned. Eddie was tempted to put on one of his favourite marijuana-associated movies, but he was afraid it would just freak you out. He went to the exact opposite and put in the only Disney movie he and his uncle owned, Lady and the Tramp.

When Eddie got up to change the tapes you had protested loudly in him leaving but it was all good when you knew he was only right in front of you. He waddled back to the couch but were terribly irritated when he sat down rather than laying for you to crawl on him again. “You’ll be fine, I’m just smoking a few more puffs so I can lie down with you, ok?”

You nod, leaning back as the Disney credits started. When you saw the title, you smirked at Eddie with what you thought was a side eye mixed with a smirk. Really, you were just smiling wildly, rivalling Eddie’s own wild smile.  

Towards the end of the movie, after the talking cartoon dogs started to mess you up a little but you didn’t communicate it on the grounds of not wanting to be made fun of, Eddie gently sets you up, and you get a good look at his face for the first time in a while. You understood what Eddie meant by stoners sport the smile, because he was wearing the same one. “Okay, princess. Bedtime for both of us.”

“I like sitting on the couch with you, though.” You whine, the idea of getting up to go to his bed too much and wanting to sleep there.

Eddie knew why, so he lifts you up onto his shoulders and down the hall to his room, turning off the appropriate lights and the tv on the way there. Your back hits his bed, and you yank onto him, causing him to yelp as his jeans were barely off his ass when he’s attempting to take them off for bed. “Hey, hey! He yells, nearly falling over. Lemme take my shit off then I’ll cuddle ya, you stoner.”

So you do, watching contently as he whizzes around his room getting shit ready for bed. He was tempted to ask if you wanted snacks, but he’ll let you discover the love of the munchies for another day. “How you feel, hmm?” He asks after turning the lights off and getting into bed with you.

“Nice. This is a nice feeling.” You comment, moving your hands across his chest, not sexually, just playing with the light patch of chest hair. “I can see why you and the football players enjoy it.”

“Those guys snort a lot of coke.” He sighs, not aware of what he was saying as he fell asleep.

“Huh.” You answer, and you were on your way to dreamland as well.

The night ends like this, the two of you wrapped up in your own little cocoon. Wayne comes to the house smelling like pot and his ashtray full of new filters on the coffee table with unopened chip bags by the tv. Seemed like you two had a good night, considering you made it to the bed.

-

The following Sunday Steve and Robin restlessly ask Eddie what you were like while you were high as he crashed Family Video. There seemed to be a collective idea of congratulations towards Eddie for managing to corrupt you more than they ever were. You side-eyed the three of them, pissed at the very idea of ‘being corrupted’; like you were a child.

It was the last week of November, and Mike was getting mad excited about El coming up to see Mike for Christmas. It was debated if Will would tag along to see the gang, but Will was insistent that he spend Christmas with his mom. At least that’s what Mike told everyone.

Dustin and Lucas were both calling Will on a semi-regular basis to inform him on DnD shenanigans and talk yet Mike has some weird hesitance over calling Will. (Despite Dustin nagging him to just fucking call him.) There was a common belief that Mike didn’t even ask Will to come down, but no one actually wanted to ask. Mike is a defensive asshole sometimes.

Regardless of whatever rumours were being spread, even about your own friends, his excitement was according to you, adorable. According to Eddie, it was adorable about the first few times now it’s just annoying.  

The Friday when El arrived in the evening Nancy had spent all lunch dreading it, explaining she’ll need a barf bag from the mere mushiness El and Mike were about to present to her square in the face. You let her rant about it, yet secretly was excited for their reunion. (After all, you knew they had a connection.)

As much as you wanted to join them for a reunion, you had asked for them to tape it for you or at least take photos cause you had a hot date at Chef’s Table and you and Eddie wanted to do it right this time.

As you stood at your stuffed closet, you stared at the all the options, wondering about the general dress code for the night. Since your stunt during your first week (you had it down bad) together there has been a silent agreement of anything that you are anxious if you move will show something, you can wear it for him. (Which you have) If his fingers are going there anyway, might as well assist, no?

The phone rings, you allow your mom to pick it up. It’s Eddie. Is…is he not getting ready for your date, too?

“Baby?” You answer, attempting to decide between two aesthetically different dresses, one that is only held on your body by a string. You bought it on a whim with some extra money from work but it hasn’t seen the light of day, hidden in a box in your closet. “What’s up?”

“Yeah hi sweetheart I was just calling to make one thing clear. Wear the smallest dress. Whatever dress you are unsure if you should wear, wear it. You can wear my jacket on the way. Understand?” Eddie says, and you get the idea from his tone that he’s not giving you much of a choice in the matter. Not that you had any protest in his demands, in fact you were going to be well prepped for when the first move was made. “Princess?”

You squeezed your legs tightly to slightly appease the burning in your groin. “Yeah, I hear you, baby. See you soon?”

“Count on it.” The line goes dead.

Well, it’s decided. Tiny little dress held together by sheer stubbornness wins by Eddie demanding it into existence.

Eddie’s phone call was forty five minutes before he was due to pick you up. It gave you forty minutes to get ready. Your makeup went a more natural glam and but your hair a fluffy 80s dream. You wore some thigh high tights to give the illusion of some abstinence to your mother. Your dress sat right where your tights ended, some how perfectly feeding into it.

You were applying the last of your lip gloss on your vanity when the sound of a knuckle knocking thrice against your window startled you. When you open it, there he is, except not in his usual date-night wear. Usually he’s dressed to impress your mom, and while the effort of it turned you on, it was when he wore the leather jackets that got you all riled up. White knights in white shirts are great, fine even, but when he’s coming from a performance in leather you have to do your best not to drag him into the back and blow his brains out.

Tonight, the leather jacket was on over a band tshirt it looks as if he just threw something on. Why did this drench your panties more than his ironed white shirts carefully tucked in unripped jeans ever have? When you lift the window at his request, he lifts one leg in, showing purposely dishevelled jeans and the chain on his left hip. “Hi, baby.” You greet him.

“Hi. Come on, taking you out.” He says simply, his voice calm and deep as he offers you to grab his hand.

You hesitate, your hand lifted slightly as if you wondered what your mom would have to say after her constant insisting that Eddie take the front door if she didn’t see you off for your date.  

“You think she’s gonna let you out the door? C’mon. We’ll take the heat for it later. This is our night.” He says, gripping onto your hand tighter than he might’ve intended as he lead you onto your roof. As you’re both halfway running to his van, you giggling the whole time you can see a light turn on and Eddie’s out of the driveway by the time she opens the door.

You’re in for it when you got home.

He’s chuckling with you, his hand effortlessly linking into your own as he recklessly drives to the restaurant. His windows are down, single handily running the hard work you had both put into your hair. Not a single care evaded your body as you relaxed next to him, used to his loud music and his even louder singing. How he managed to head-bang, avoid the police speed-wise, and still stroke your hand with his ringed fingers all at same time eluded you but you had learned to embrace and relax in his craziness.

You smiled at him, the word on your mind. Too scared to say it, wouldn’t everything change? Too scared for it to stay the same.

He pulled into the parking lot, somehow managing to take four spots at once, like some sort of exaggerated asshole. He usually doesn’t park that bad, but it seemed instead dressing to impress, he was dressing himself down to excite.

Excite you, that is.

On some primal level Eddie could tell that the white shirts and coming to front door has overstayed its welcome. Now that you knew him, far better than you ever could by watching him, by talking, laughing, fucking him, a white button-up just isn’t him. Last time he wore it you snapped it off the buttons, ripping the shirt open from the middle.

Even if he wanted to wear the button down he couldn’t, the buttons were still scattered all over his bedroom floor.

He knew you were begging for the side of him you found hot when you were watching him all those years, a scratching, anxious version of you begging to see the rebellious side of him. Not just when he fucks you, when he’s luring you into last minute quickies that just nearly get you into trouble. Even though he’s there underneath the manicured parent-friendly version of him, you want to visually see him. Right there, on your dates. Where he doesn’t have to talk quietly or over politely. You wanted him to be himself. The man you fell in love with.

You knew him. What he liked, what got him all in a twist, what got him really going if you had really wanted to, how badly his parents had messed him up… (Three months can teach you so much, but bitch you knew him.) Point is, you could see passed the put together façade he had put on, even for you and chose behind the person behind it. (You didn’t want the façade on date with you. You wanted him.)

Also he’s just smoking hot, and having him in his jacket with that ruffled hair, across from you on a hot date, it would make you go feral. Which is why when he yanks you out of his van you’re nearly buzzing in excitement. This date was turning out exactly the way you had hoped. A make up date, in every sense.

The two of you burst into the place, still hushed, reserved, and acting like it’s not the hook up spot in town. Now that you no longer had your blinders on, on your way to the table this time you had noticed the couples that were also sitting in here. Most of them were really close to one another talking softly or already kissing. If you had taken the moment to take a look at them it might’ve given you a clue as to what sort of place this was, which would’ve given you the courage you needed when you wanted to make out with him.

A different host lead you this time, handing you both menus and giving you a look on his way back to the front. He understood. You scooted your butt into the round booth, settling at about one cushion from the exit for the table. “Get that cute ass over here.” Eddie tells you, in the middle of the table. He has you scoot down until you’re right up next to him, barely enough room to do anything but talk or let wandering hands go where they might.  

A side of you is nervous, shaky at the prospect of being touched like so in public. Every time he tries, attempting to get more frisky, you shyly shake your head no, no matter how exciting it sounds. “You alright, princess?” Eddie asks, soothing your knee with his thumb, sensing your anxiety.

“I’m ok. Should we look at the menu?” You ask, willing to distract your self from the nervousness and the increasingly damp spot on your lacy panties.

“Pretty sure you’re the only thing on the menu, no?” Eddie asks, his hand landing harder on your thigh, massaging it, knowing what he’s doing as he watches your eyes roll back. “Are you up for something crazy?”

“Anything,” you gasp out subconsciously, not completely aware of what slips out until it does.

Eddie laughs, placing his arm around you to whisper in your ear. “Okay, so after someone asks our drink order I’m gonna slip under the table. When they come back, I want you to order our appetizer, let’s say we’ll get some break sticks and beef dip, fuck, I don’t know. Order something. While you do that I’m gonna be tasting that pretty little,” he slips his hand up your thigh to your centre “soaked pussy of yours. Try your best, yeah?”

He takes his hand out from where it was placed, right at your centre were it was exuding warmth as he hears footsteps of the waitress coming. You knew her voice as soon as she started speaking. “Hi, I’m Daisy, I’ll be your waitress. What can I get started to drink for you?”

Daisy was a frequent flyer in your mind when you couldn’t sleep at night. The girl was a sharp reminder of what you thought might take him away from you. The version of her that you remembered was a girl who reminded you of your own insecurities and managed to make a uniform look decent.

This girl was pretty, but not that pretty. There’s a pimple on her forehead that’s a clear whitehead, a piece of lettuce stuck in her teeth, and her slick pulled back hair had boat load of flyaways. Time is kind, and maybe you needed to see her again to know that Daisy wasn’t going to take him, with or without the flaws you had just noticed. He was yours. The look on her face told you that she recognized you off the bat.

“I’ll get a water.” You state, knowing you’ll probably need to remain hydrated.

“Same.” Eddie states, licking his lips in anticipation for when she leaves.

“Alright. I’ll be back to take your order then.” Daisy drones, and this time you realized she was talking to the both of you.

You barely had a moment to watch her walk back and Eddie has already slipped underneath the tablecloth. “Holy shit. So pretty.” He mutters, more himself than to you. He wanted you to fucking stutter while talking and water was an easy drink to grab, so he had to move fast. Your underwear was off in one swift movement, and he attacked your pussy like he was dying of thirst and your pussy was the first drop of water after a week in a desert.

Your eyes closed immediately upon welcoming the warmth and the pleasure that rushes through you. After only moments of basking in the feeling Eddie pinches you, warning he can hear footsteps, and this was the lowest trafficked table in the restaurant it was definitely Daisy. You sit up, opening your eyes quickly and attempting to get yourself out the haze.

“Here’s your water,” she says, not looking up taking her notebook out. “are you ready to order-” she starts, and stops when she realizes Eddie wasn’t anywhere to be seen. “I can come back when he’s back from the bathroom if you need me to.” She says, absentmindedly.

You’re attempted to accept the offer, but Eddie pinches your thigh and uses his tongue harder to encourage you to speak. “Uh-no it’s okay. We decided on some a-appetizers.” You let out a hard breath, and Eddie has started to go to town on you, as if racing you to the finish line.

“Ok go ahead.” Daisy says after she had to search for her pen.

“We’ll have the uh-” you pause, “sorry, stomach-ache. We’ll have the bread sticks and the spinach dip, please.” You manage out, hitting the seat hard when you’re starting to get to the edge.

“Are you guys having any main entrees tonight, or just appies?” She asks, bored and fiddling with her notebook.

Your breathing has gotten shallower and you’re wondering if she has caught on yet. “Uh, no. Just that for now.”

Eddie adds a finger, frustrated that you’re managing to speak so well when you had drenched the leather booth beneath your thighs. The finger nearly makes you yelp and as he crooks it into a hook against your g-spot he brings you right to the edge, impossibly fast yet on a mission.

“Alright then” Daisy grabs your menus, you flailingly push yours to her, barely helping her as you go over the edge with your top teeth biting on your bottom lip hard. Daisy gives you a side eye, walking away weirded out from the interaction.

You ride the last of your orgasm as she walks away starting to ride your hips shamelessly against his mouth as the last wave heats from your center and even makes a pit stop in your head. Eddie peaks his head from behind the table cloth, mouth wet, and a twinkle in his eye as he looks up at you. If you see this face and only this image of his face for the rest of your life you will die happy. “How was that sweetheart?”

“What was that, five minutes?” You ask, grinding your hips lightly as he rubs your labia lightly, teasing how sensitive you now were.

“More like three and a half but who’s counting.” Eddie jokes, sliding to sit back next to you. You notice he’s holding your panties in his hand, sticks in his leather jacket pocket. “You were so fucking wet, which helped a bit, I must admit.” Eddie comments, taking a sip from his water. As soon as the glass his the table his lips are on yours, maneuvering the two of you so you’re intertwined, one leg on his yet still sitting.

He wraps your lips up in a magnificent kiss, connecting his tongue onto yours as soon as he could, just needing the very taste in your mouth. You could taste yourself in his saliva, the very idea absurdly hot. You stay like that, willing to take in whatever you can, taste from him, your hand make it’s way up into his long hair and gripping at the scalp, managing a whine out of him. You can’t help but giggle at his response and he jerks back, his eyes assessing you for a moment, carefully. “What are you giggling at?”

Eddie leans into kiss you, further left than your lips. He leans down to your jaw line, kissing it down and down to your neck. You lean back as he starts to bite and suck on your skin, causing little whimpers out from your pretty lips. “So pretty, so needy.” Eddie comments as your eyes roll back at his love bites.

“Here is you- oh, sorry.” Daisy says, carrying both your appetizers. She sets them down carefully, and Eddie barely moves from where you’re both stationed, as if he was proud of being interrupted in the middle of marking your neck. “A-anything else I can grab the both of you?”

You look at her name tag to check it’s the same waitress who shamelessly flirted with Eddie right in front of you, because she can barely look you in the eye.

“Uh yeah, Daisy can you just leave us alone for about fifteen, twenty minutes then bring us a check? Nice hefty tip in it for ya.” Eddie says, looking at his nails as he says it. It’s rude but it gets his message across. Don’t bother us.

“Got it. Be back in twenty minutes with your bill.” She says, and walks off with out another word, blushing furiously. If she had worked at this restaurant long enough to know when to flirt, wouldn’t she be used to a request like this?

“Alright we have twenty minutes.” Eddie states, and you realized his belt was already unbuckled and his button undone. “C’mon get on.”

“You wanna?” You ask, nodding to his now free cock.

“That was the point, was it not?” He asks, and it’s almost unlike him the way he’s propositioning you. Usually, he’s soft and restrained in his methods. Even when he’s asking you for a quickie there’s a softer tone.

Right now, he basically point-blank said to just get on his dick. This side of him doesn’t usually come out until you’re already on it, using slut-shaming as a method to egg you and him on. However, the most surprising thing about it was this had worked on you. You were turned on by how rough he was. “I guess, I thought we were doing just hand stuff.”

“That’s ok for the lighter booths. This is not the one for hand stuff. It’s in a corner for a reason. C’mon. Hop on daddy’s dick.” He says, wrapping his arm around your waist to tug you closer to his hips.

It doesn’t take much convincing for you. You move your leg around his hip so you’re straddling him, and your dress is scrunched up to your stomach, revealing your ass to anyone who would pass you by. He lines his cock up to your entrance, rubbing and tapping lightly, teasing you. “We have fifteen minutes, put your fucking cock-” before you could even finish your sentence he pushes himself into you and your eyes roll into the back of your head as he fills you up.

He starts fucking you, foregoing any waiting period due to how wet you already were. After letting you enjoy his continuously improving hip thrusts and technique he stops, moving his hands to your hips. “Alright. Your turn. Ride me, baby.”

You start to move your hips, rolling them so his cock his a spot you need it to every time. You were perched tall and your mouth in a small oh shape, gasping out little moans as you worked your hips. Eddie reaches down to expose a tit, starting to massage and kiss at it. “Oh you little slut, couldn’t even wait until we got home, eh?”

“You didn’t- oh- you didn’t give me much choice.” You gasped out, staring at Eddie as he still wraps his tongue around your budded nipple. “I would do so much for you, daddy.”

“Oh, you have, baby. You have. Oh shit- yeah keep riding me like that, oh, shit. Gonna fill you up.” Eddie grunts, starting to help you as you ride him.

“Already?” You half joke, feeling as his thrusts become more erratic and harder.

“Oh I’ll fill you the amount of times fifteen minutes gives me, sweetheart. Whether that be once or six times, you’ll be dripping in me by the time we leave.” Eddie continues to thrust into you, and you’re basically literally hopping on it. He freezes all of the sudden, his face jerking in a small O shape as you feel him fill you up.

“More?” You ask after a moment as he catches his breath while he’s still in you.

“You want more?” Eddie asks, his hands on your hips, rubbing your stomach lightly with his thumbs. As he rubs your stomach, feeling it grumble in hunger. “Hungry, sweetheart?”

“A little.” You admit, thinking about the smell of the still fresh bread.

“Hmm. One more then we’ll sit down and eat?” Eddie asks, starting to fuck into you again.

It felt too good to pass up. You nod as he continues faster, licking your two pointer fingers rub at your clit to help yourself and him and you two enjoyed taking your time but it seemed the combined hunger and the combined lust you two felt just turned into this animalistic need for one another and for food.

Is this what cavemen felt?

By the end your nails were digging deep into his neck, he’s holding your ass hard enough to cause bruising. Your legs are sore from doing a lot of the work and you’re out of breath and usually you would take a time out from it, but you were just horny and hungry and wanted him.

You grabbed at his scalp, scratching your hand into grabbing a fistful of hair and pulling. Eddie’s eyes roll into the back of his head, most times you missed is when he knew your eyes were closed. It was basically that and the fact that he was unloading for the second time into you within ten minutes that had you be able to cum yourself, lurching yourself into his chest. An instinct that took over you for a moment startled Eddie, but he was ready to help how you needed. You just needed to be held. Specifically by this man, this man who you just experienced this moment with, this bonding just completely shook you.

The first thing he did to help was make sure if you cried long enough for Daisy to come with the check you were decent, (and so was he.) He only offered to hold you, offered bread when given the chance, which you graciously accepted, as you were still hungry. “You okay?”

“I’m okay.” You say softly, offering him some spinach dip. He slurped it off your fingers, in attempt to make you laugh, and it worked.

“Hey you laughed!” And you knew why you were crying.

“What you thought I was sad?” You ask as if you knew this whole time. “I’m really fucking happy, baby. I just didn’t know  how to respond or process it, so my brain went to crying. ”

“No regret? Shame? We’re okay?” Eddie asks, just to be sure.

You nod, leaning in for a nice chaste kiss. You two are hushed conversation, teasing one another in a game of “oh I can take you on” for different board games Eddie knew about. You weren’t very competitive but with Eddie during games, especially when he cheats, is always a winner so you had to figure out how to stop him.

Daisy knocks twice on the booth, and Eddie yells out “We’re good!” You giggle, pushing him as he gives annoying kisses to your face. “Hi guys, here’s the bill.”

A pang of guilt as you see her face again is presented to you, in the after glow of cumming as hard as you did. The flyaways in her hair frame her face nicely, her pimple looks like she had picked at it so now it’s a scab, ouch, and the green in her teeth hasn’t been fixed. She looks like a fucking person. Not some whore who’s trying to take your boyfriend.

“Hey Daisy. I’m so sorry, you have something stuck in your teeth.” You tell her with the kindest voice you could muster so she knew you weren’t being catty. “I also wanted to say your lip gloss is amazing. Both times I’ve come they have stayed on your lips the whole time. Are you just like reapplying consistently or do you have gloss you need to tell me about?”

It all came out at once, but you did want to know. Reapplying gloss at work gets so taxing sometimes. “Uh thanks, I think it’s by MAC.” She pauses as Eddie looks at the check, lost in your conversation all the sudden. She pauses but he takes another minute to get his wallet out. “I got it when we had the mall. There is a MAC across down, like ten minute drive and way out of the way but it’s the exact store. All their glosses stay forever.”

“Baby, grab your jacket before you pay.” You request, getting him to listen to you before he does. You take out 100 from his pocket, (the food was 20 bucks maybe), and say “Keep the change, and thanks for giving us the time. We’ll make sure to get this booth next time.”

“Uh, sure. Have a great night, guys.” The only thing that would’ve made it weirder if she apologized for flirting with him last time. She didn’t, life isn’t always a movie.

As you follow Eddie out, yanking his leather jacket as he had promised and it’s nearly Christmas and you’re out side at 9’clock you were gonna need it. The leather jacket fitted nicely down to your hemline of your dress, showing exactly what you wanted to.

Your hands are once again interlocked, talking softly as he drove gently back to his trailer. It was an off week so you weren’t spending the night but your curfew was midnight so you might as well be. “You know, Steve made a joke about you me and him yesterday, and I was like ‘You can’t handle another threesome from us.’” You partially joke.

“Oh I dunno I heard some shit I gotta have to chance to see. Why was I the dude that sucked dick I wanted a turn. Plus, I wanted him to top me.” Sounds like he had thoroughly thought this through before.

“Oh baby.” You say giggling, feeling hazy and ready to sleep for hours. “I love you, but you could not take Steve Harrington. I can’t-” You stop, and wake right back up when you realize what you had just said. “Did I just say…” you drift off.

Eddie slows down as he hits the gravel in his trailer park, breathing heavily as he barely reaches 5 miles per hour right to his spot. “Yeah, you just said.” Eddie nods, wondering if he had heard you right.

“When I was talking about-”

“Steve Harrington railing me? Yeah, you did.” There’s a smile in his undertone, letting you know he was quite pleased. “Did you mean it?” He asks, and the word is suddenly choking him, refusing to stay in

“Yeah. I do.” You say, petting his hand gently as you veered into his beautiful brown eyes.

“Fuck, I love you too.” He mutters, under his breath and completely winded by it the word finally breaking free of his throat. “I love you. I love you.” You giggle as Eddie holds your forehead and aggressively smooch into your forehead. “Fuck I’ve wanted to say that for weeks. I love you.”

You smile, thinking how he was sounding like a love struck dope, something that you usually fell into. How much it would’ve been true if Eddie, with his emotional trauma, was saying it.  

“I love you.” You wanted to say it on purpose instead the middle of a random already forgotten sentence. “I really love you. I love you.” It came out as you were connected by the foreheads and his response is a sharp inhale and he kissed you in full force.

That was the night you fucked three more times until you went home.

-

That Saturday morning you spent twenty minutes asking yourself if last night was real, if any of your life was real. Remembering the look his eyes as he cradled you, fucking you gently, rolling his hips ever so slowly. You’ve never felt so loved before, by anyone, let alone any man.

You found it hard not to giggle as you run downstairs to grab some breakfast. You were spreading butter on a bagel with a stupid smile on your face when your mom slides right next to you, arms crossed and facial expression unreadable. You nearly ask what’s wrong when the memory of you slipping through your window last night hits your face, Eddie saying ‘we’ll deal with it in the morning.’

Well, it’s morning.

“Hi.” You mutter, starting to munch on the bagel absentmindedly.

The sound of her sigh invades your ears, and you’re scared for your social life. “Hi. I think you can guess what I would like to talk about.”

“I have some guesses.” You joke, leaning up against your counter.

“I know you’re 18. Technically you’re an adult. Hell when I was 18 I was already in college doing much more scandalous things than sneaking out my bedroom window.” She admits, mostly to herself than to you. “Sometimes I think I’m pretty lucky to have a girl who started rebelling in her senior year and still manages to keep her grades up.” She sighs, looking around her, wondering how the hell she was going to get the message across. “Look, honey something has been going on in this town. Every time something goes on, every year, I have no idea where you are until hours after when I’m picking you up all bloodied and bruised up like you’d gone to war. I’ve never asked because you don’t seem too keen on telling me. Me knowing where you are has nothing to do with your boyfriend who plays guitar or being controlling. It has to do with Hawkins. I just need to know you are safe. If you two are so insistent on using the damn window then tell me good bye that you’re heading out. I don’t want to fight the wrong fight on this.”

It had never occurred to you that she had been curious about the number of times you needed a ride home sporting some new bruises, she never talked about it, never asked. You wonder if her and Karen ever talk about it.  

“So I can keep using the window, I just have to tell you when I’m leaving?” You ask, making sure it was clear.

“Yes. You looked happy. Hate to burst your bubble. Anything on your mind?”

Your body felt like it was about to explode. “I told him I loved him. He said it back. It was a pretty nice date.”

“Must’ve been. Chef’s Table, I bet?” She asks, starting to clean up the kitchen post-breakfast.

“I never agreed nor denied.” You comment, shoving the last of your bagel in your mouth.

She lets it slide, knowing that you have even told her you had used the L word was a pretty big miracle in the land of raising Teenage Girls. “Any plans for the day?”

“El just got in from the airport, she’s staying at the Wheelers so I’m going to stop in and say hi to her.” There was a hint of excitement, having been months since you’ve last seen her. Fresh from a winning battle yet mysteriously lost her powers. From what Mike informs you her letters express having made several friends and enjoying California. You’re mostly jealous she’s not suffering an Indiana winter and in the Californian winter.

“Alright. Go on. Start telling me when you’re leaving the house. I don’t need to know where you are all the time. Just tell me where you are.” You finish off chewing the rest of your bagel, running up the stairs to grab your bags and keys to head out.

-

The moment you arrive at the Wheelers you can tell everyone had beaten you to it. It was only 9 in the morning how was everyone already there? You mention a hello to Karen on the way down the stairs, noting her flustered stature as she rushes to make snacks for 8 hungry teenagers. She didn’t seem too bothered, this was her in her prime.

“Someone slept in this morning!” Steve welcomes you as you walk down the stairs.

“How are you all here, it’s barely 9.” You comment, knowing all the boys sleep in on the weekends.

“I live here and you won’t leave.” Mike states, sitting on the couch with El on his lap. You tilt your head, noting his hypocrisy.

“We all slept over in the basement last night.” Max states, sitting separately on the couch, Lucas at her feet.

“Oh damn. I mean when Steve got us the table he didn’t really give us a choice to the date of the reservation.” You comment, leaning up against a table next to Robin, placing your head on her shoulder.

She bumps her shoulder and Nancy comes from across the room. “Ooh, how was your date anyhow?” She attempts to ask you in a hushed tone, but it doesn’t work. Steve announcing your entrance was enough to keep everyone’s attention on you still.

“Yeah I’m not saying shit while the younglings are here. You’ll have to hold.” You state, aware of your audience.

Steve comes over, dumb little smirk on his face. “So there is something to say? A good night in the best booth in the restaurant, eh?” He asks, elbowing you obnoxiously.

You roll your eyes, and Steve takes it as confirmation. Walking away, you yank onto El’s hand, causing her to help as you lift her surprisingly easily to give her a hug. “Hi, El.” You greet her, and it feels like old times when she holds onto you tightly like you to her.

“Hi.” She smiles, and you look at her hair, brushed somewhat and looking more like Joyce’s.

“Good flight?” You ask as she crosses her arms self consciously. Mike reaches out behind her to soothe her, and sometimes you forget how well Mike knows her.

“Ears hurt.” She shrugs, and it’s the only thing she has to comment on. “You went on a date?”

“Yeah, with my boyfriend.” You confirm, and while you and El weren’t close like her and Max, it’s still weird to you that she knows next to nothing about Eddie. Probably because El was almost a gateway conversation into the upside down for you. You couldn’t not associate the two.

“Babe.” Interrupts the two of you, tugging her back. You shoot a warning glance, telling Mike she doesn’t get to hog her. Mike rolls his eyes. “You know Eddie, the guy I was telling you about? The one who leads Hellfire and is like, a total badass?” The look on El’s face tells you she recognizes the name, and the falsehood of Eddie’s reputation to even his freshmen might be the death of you. “Yeah, that’s her boyfriend.”

“Oh.” El comments, and with the doe-eyed facial expression she gives you it’s all she needs to tell you.

“He’s much sweeter than his reputation.” You mutter to her, and Mike tugs her back to his lap.

“I refuse to believe that.” Mike comments, and the conversation is over. “Is Eddie coming over?” Mike asks you, watching the tv just next to you.

“I didn’t realize it was a big get together, honestly.” You admit, wondering if it would be odd for him to join.

“Well call him up and bring him over! We need some of that competitive spirit for our games, woman!” Dustin yells from across the room, haphazardly throwing you the phone.

“Are we playing games for the day? When did anybody communicate this to me?” You ask, dialling Ed’s number.

“If you were here last night, you would know.” Steve comments, a tone saying he had you.

“I didn’t set the date for my reservation, Steve. You picked the closest available date and just plopped it into our hands. Literally.” It was a folded piece of paper he tossed at you at work one night after you asked for the date.

“Just get him over here.”

-

Turns out, El loves Eddie. He’s loud, obnoxious, and charismatic. El hasn’t had much experience with someone so loud yet so welcoming to her. He gave her a seat at the table when he had offered to host DnD only if everyone played. (To your surprise and to Eddie’s everyone did.)

Sometime during the night when one of the newer players are being explained a concept thoroughly by Dustin, Eddie looks to you, same dopey look he wore last night. You sat right next to him, looking around the corner of his books. “Love you.” He mutters, proud of being able to say it to you and you saying it back to him.

“Love you.” You mutter back, leaning in for a sappy kiss.

“Love?” Nancy asks, leaning in and making sure she heard right.

“Last night.” You whisper, winking at her widened eyes.

The game finishes off with Eddie’s final boss being ripped to shreds by some of the newcomers, and you can tell it’s on purpose. He had once confessed Eddie gives easier creatures to newer players, it gives them incentives to continue to play. DnD is a hard game to get into, it’s easier when you have the confidence.

Max is sitting in the corner when all is done, some by the N64, others sitting in a circle talking on the floor. She has her Walkman on her hip as she normally does, and you can hear the vague notes to the music she was playing. You raise your eyebrow to her, the international symbol for “Are you good?”

She nods, hugging her legs. Max comes to sit down next to her, unsure how to help, yet comforting all the while.

“Hey baby.” Eddie mutters when all the DnD is tidied up.

“Hi. I think they’re all planning to stay over for a while.” You comment, and it doesn’t look like anyone was planning on leaving anytime soon.

“That’s alright. An extra night with this crowd is always a plus.” He answers, enwrapping you in his arms.

“Hey El. Any reason why Johnathan and Will stayed?” You ask, knowing Nancy probably missed her boyfriend.

El looked over, munching on the chips in Mike’s bowl. “Wanted to spend Christmas with Joyce.” She said, looking to Mike for reassurance, for which he obliges.

There was a follow up question you had wanted to ask, but Eddie would have questions. Was it weird being in town? Why would it be weird?

Since El received more time off for her Christmas vacation, she’d be in town for two weeks. The only downside to that is she starts school earlier in the summer than you do. You still had to go to school for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday until your Christmas break started. While Mike was at school, she would spend the days with Karen or just generally in town. It didn’t seem like it was planned well, but any questions were met with defensiveness.

“She’s cool.” Eddie comments, you still wrapped in his arms. “Why she with him?”

“He’s good to her when others weren’t. I’ll just say that.” You comment, and Eddie veers at you questioningly. “It’s not my story to tell.”

The rest of the day was a movie marathon, the whole crown collectively booing Steve’s choices, Robin proudly leading the banter. To rub in the salt, you offer the same movie Steve offered and the entire group agrees to it, saying it was a satisfying movie with a great ending. Steve grows flustered, going in the corner with his hands on his hips. As you place the tape into the VCR, Eddie goes to where Steve is sulking, partially joking but mostly sincerely comforting him.

“It’s okay, not everyone understands your clearly superior tastes.” Eddie comforts him, sitting Steve so he’s joined the rest of the crowd.

You expected Eddie to sit down next to you again but he sits down beside Steve, petting his hair comfortingly. “I swear if you hadn’t snatched him up, Steve might have.” Robin says, coming to sit next to you.

“Well that” you say, pointing to them now leaning on one another, “is your fault for the night. You say you hate when Eddie and him gain up on you at work then you basically guide them into one another’s arms. Are you trying, Buckley?”

“Are you?” Robin asks, and you have no rebuttal.

-

Christmas rolled around, and you spent more time with your boyfriend and your collective family than you would’ve liked to admit. He was a good sport as your mom asked him to do favours consistently through the nights spent in your home living room. Eddie and Wayne came over for the 23rd and 24th, you doing a gift exchange at the Wheelers on the 25th and spending that night over at the Munsons, a courtesy your mom had given you despite your dad’s protests.

Your gift to Eddie was special made dice with the same pattern as his most priced possession; his guitar. You weren’t even sure the advertisement had gotten your request for special made dice at one of the nerd shops you visited the town over, until you gotten a phone call. The look on his face when the dice were opened was priceless, whispering “no fucking way” as he examines the dice more closely. You had also gifted some high quality paints for his figurines and a new set up for him to be able to place his papers and maps in front of him.

I could tell you what Ed had gifted you, but that would take the fun out of it now wouldn’t it. Take the perfect give and multiply it by five. That’s what he gave you.

You had a second gift for him, only available the night you spent over at his house. As you undressed yourself, unwrapping yourself to reveal the red lacey lingerie bra and the crotchless panties upholstered to some red sheer stockings, he only took a moment to appreciate his view before ravishing you until it was no longer Christmas.

-

TAG LIST: @emturtles @yourthebrokengirl @steeldaisies @skrzydlak @thirddeadlysin @sammararaven

[send an ask or reply to this if you want to be added to the list.]

[employee052]

guess who spent an hr fleshing out the lore for my tsp universe (aka what my blog is based off of, and also narry rn)

puttin this under the cut bc its long as fuck n i dont wanna clog up your dash djehfjsjf

(this was written on the bus so im so sorry for any errors skfjs)

#########

Fourth Wall AU

Characters:

The Narrator

Player/Oswin

Stanley

The Adventure Line/Lynne

Plot:

• The Stanley Parable (2013) started off as nothing more than a video game with a basic ai Narrator repeating a script with minor changes every run.

• Eventually, the Narrator gains consciousness but keeps to the game, trapping himself in repetition as opposed to trying to escape

• He has major issues with the endings such as the zending and the confusion ending. While he knows he was purely artificial originally, he prefers to ignore it and believe he is a real being with free will.

• Aside from the Narrator, everything in the game is coded. Stanley is just a vessel for the player, all the objects don't really talk, ad everything is planned, despite what the Narrator believes.

• He remembers every reset. Though not every ending in incredible detail. Endings like the Zending, Confusion, and the Skip Button are vague memories in his head. The skip button being a time-sped up ending and becoming a blur to him that he forgets normally.

• The Narrator knows about the developers, but cannot speak to them.

• All Stanley's input is from the players. The Narrator doesn't know this and just thinks that Stanley either has terrible memory or has vastly different mood swings.

• In the Not Stanley Ending, he realises that the player isnt the Stanley he believes he knows and splits them. Leaving the Player above the two doors room.

• The Narrator, in the HD remake, cant believe that there are real people. He knows of them, but knowing that they are with him in the game will give him an existential crisis/make him distressed, and as a result, reset the game (see: confusion, zending). So the game has a feature where it wipes his memories from the Player unplugging the phone up until they split.

• Things change when Ultra Deluxe comes out.

• The game is revamped completely, The Narrator can feel how smoother the game feels, especially since its running in unity despite it looking exactly like its 2013 version on the source engine (? fact check this)

• One major change is that the Narrator can hear some players as they play the game. Given that they have a working mic and all.

• Surprisingly he doesn't mind it. Enjoying getting reactions from his script despite the fact its real people.

• Ultra Deluxe loses the feature to reset the game if the Narrator gets too upset. Instead, its a plannes forced reset.

• Eventually, he ends up with a player whom he enjoys hearing the responses to. Responding to the Narrator like they were in a conversation as the player rambles. Internally, he's scared to break the fourth wall. Afraid it might spook the player and lose this one shred of genuine connection.

• They continue like this for a while. The narrator subtly changing the delivery of his lines to better suit the players moods. In turn the player responds as usual, without noticing that the Narrators dialogue is changing.

• Its subtle. Being more harsh and boring when they hear the player talking about an exam they should be studying for and not here playing the game so they can leave and do well. Being more soft when theres that all too familiar hurt tone in their voice while they play. Being a bit more snarky when they laugh at everything he says. The player even goes to the starry dome to study, and the Narrator feels like he is hanging out with a friend, knowing that the player would never go into the other room. (They have, once. then never again)

• At some point, the Narrator slips up and responds to something the player says and as while he fears a negative reaction, he gets a surprised gasp followed by a few noises he cant place before a "Is that new Narry dialogue?! lets fucking go!"

• The narrator sighs in relief before chuckling a bit. "Language, dear player."

• The player pauses. Now there is the silence he was afraid of.

• "...Hello?"

• "Hello, Player."

• More silence.

• "This... this isnt prerecorded right? No voice recognition system in the game-?"

• "Prerecorded?! I'll have you know I do all of my voice lines live for you players, thank you." He scoffs, somewhat offended

• "Have you been listening to every players reactions this whole time?!"

• "Well not every player of the Stanley Parable. But right now its just been you that ive been hearing for the past few months."

• "Oh my god you must've heard me talk about your voice so much- im so sorry."

• He laughs, surprisingly genuine. "Nonsense! It's been a delight hearing your responses and your voice, Player-"

• "Oswin." The player says gently, "My name is Oswin, Narrator."

• "...Well, Oswin. To be perfectly honest, I adore hearing your responses to the game and to my script. You are one of the rare few who respond as though we were in conversation and truth be told, its a welcome change to the players who tell me to piss off or talk to themselves."

• They snort. "You mean the youtubers?"

• "Definitely."

• Thus starts A friendship between Oswin and the Narrator

• With this new connection, the Narrator slowly gets used to the idea of sentience and the real world. Feeling more and more human as the friendship helps him understand his world and beyond.

• He gets used to manipulating the game around him. Locking the game to be only on Oswin's computer and being able to interact with him through screens.

• While this happens, the game slowly starts to glitch. Stanley becomes sentient, going through the same dillema the Narrator had, however the Narrator is able to reassure him and help him understand.

• It takes a bit of work, considering that Stanley up until their instance of the game locked onto Oswin's PC had undergone every ending an unfathomable amount of times. With his sentience he has to process the fact that both he and the narrator were trapped in the game with no free will.

• At this time, the Narrator manages to enter the real world. With some help of coding magic and Oswin's powers alowing him to exist in the real world.

• The Adventure Line grows sentient too. However due to the fact that the Line was never fully fleshed out as a character, when it came to the real world, it turned into a teenage girl by the name of Lynne.

• Stanley also enters the real world.

The three of them are able to pop in and out of the Parable. It being treated more like their second home

[swingxilly]

15Qs / 15 Mutuals

Was tagged by my lovely friend @euryalex thank you!

I tag @sapphicmadameumbralis @esewarai @theannoyingknowitall @hedwigs-art @bibaleen @feymaids @lvl1-cleric

1. Are you named after anyone?

I asked my mom and she listed a lot of things

The book by Roald Dahl, the waltzing Matilda song by Tom Waits, and another by Harry Belafonte. (THERE ARE TOO MANY SONGS WITH MY NAME, ITS IRRITATING) Also some queen apparently

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last weekend xndnnd was on a phone call with a friend and she asked me how I was doing

3. Do you have kids?

No, and I dont want any.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Hm, I dont think so. Here and there, but not a LOT. At least not that Im aware of

5. Whats the first thing you notice about people?

I have no idea! Never paid attention to it. Im too nervous for that

6. Whats your eye colour?

Brown!

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings! I dont like scary movies and avoid them. Im also the kind of person who appreciates happy endings even if others think theyre cheap

8. Any special talents?

Not really, but I often guess the time right when somebody asks!

9. Where were you born?

Germany

10. What are your hobbies?

Video games, watching shows (at this point I probably should stop listing drawing and reading bc I really dont do those that often djdhd)

Although I could count music and dancing! And singing if I wasnt paranoid about my neighbours hearing me

11. Have you any pets?

No! And not planning to get any!

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

None! I used to be in some sports club tho, years ago. Idk was it gymnastics? Sth like that

13. How tall are you?

5'5, 167cm

14. Favourite subject in school?

Hm, towards the end I was good in English. German was nice too. Art of course. Our religion teacher was cool, so that was also kind of fun

15. Dream job?

Staying at home :p I really wish I had more time.

To actually answer the question, I dont have one. I work at the library tho. I think working at a public library would be more fun, but I dont wanna organize events and do public speaking. 😭 My university library is big enough that not everyone has to do that. But idk if its a FUN job. In summer Ill finish my training, well see if the position I get after that will be too boring. I hope not! Its not terribly stressful at least

[notahorseindisguise]

trying to work my way through the ye west alex jones interview. its terrible.

i do have one gripe with everything ive read about it, though:

theres a point i saw where the point ye is trying to make is ‘the bible says we should love everyone’. he says, quote, “God says love everyone, so if i say, i love the Zionists, that, that cancelled my account, then i can say, i love... (stammers a bit) i do love Hitler.”

then alex jones proceeds to mock him and say “thatd make a great tshirt, ‘i love Hitler’.”

listen, what i wanna say here is that you are quite literally taking him out of context. he is an anti-Semite, obviously, but dont misrepresent his points, otherwise youre just spreading misinformation. yes, even left leaning misinformation is bad. 

to reiterate, i havent watched the whole interview yet, but im planning on watching it to get a proper understanding of what happened. so there could be a point earlier/later in the video where ye does explicitly say he loves Hitler and condones his actions. but at this specific moment (which i think may be the moment people are pointing to, saying he loves Hitler), he goes on to say “i do love Hitler, i do love the Zionists, i love everyone.” (his emphasis, not mine)

once again, i dont support him at all, but i went into this thinking he outright said he loved Hitler and his actions, but he’s clearly trying to make a point here, the point being “love everyone”.

i know this post is already so long but im just anxious because this post is the most likely post to ever get me cancelled, so one more time: i DONT support ye, im not “on his side”, hes an anti-Semite. but the moment you start spreading misinformation about someone, youre giving them more power. they can very easily prove you wrong, then claim that the media is attacking them or whatever, and then turn the situation around to their benefit. so what im saying is even if its a morally disgusting awful person, try not to misrepresent them cause thats counterintuitive.

[limetameta]

For the "Questions I think would be fun to be asked": 2, 8, 14, 17, 18, 28, 29 💛✨

2. Photo of my škrabopis aka terrible handwriting ćirilica and latinica edition:

Loosely translated as Fuck off; Literally translated as Fuck off back into your mother's cunt - which I think is a sentence everyone should know how to write.

8. 90% of my dreams are me living through what I plan on writing for future stories and devising cool ideas. So I don't know what would be a repeated dream, maybe that?

14. Maybe diving. I'm scared of sharks and running out of oxygen. But damnn would I wanna explore the sea.

17. Things that make me happy: kitties, finishing a story, thinking about new stories, going to the beach

18. I definitely believe there's something out there.

28. I collect rarepairs lmaoo. I dont believe Ive ever genuinely shipped a popular ship wholeheartedly.

29. Things i do when sad: I watch Call me Kevin stardew valley videos until I laugh my ass off.

[star-mum]

Kinda Crazy to be not in the wrong ig (friends can be fun to hang with AND be terrible to you)

Actually shared with my sister what happened and when she said "I have a controversial opinion" I thought she'd say I was overreacting and not that I "should've stopped talking to that girl ages ago" huh maybe it's not a silly reason to be upset after all

like hey remember that time she invited me over to her house and not 2 hours later asked me to leave cause she had to go out with other friends

or when she said she "had" to go somewhere when we set up to call/watch smth together and then let slip in class to our other friend that she went to play volleyball with those same friends from the other time

or when I shared with her I had tried an at home workout and the warm up was very difficult and she shared that to our (male) friend in a jabbing tone (making even him a bit uncomfortable, to the point where he tried to softly defend me)

OR !!! when she insisted I went to a coffee shop with her and her boyfriend and went quiet and got an attitude in the middle of the outing (even when we kept trying to engage her in the conversation)

OR in that same outing when she shared a video of the move we tried at muay thai that week and laughed to her bf about how I barely got it done, even though when we were at the gym I was self conscious about it and she reassured me that it was an advanced move and I was doing very good for a beginner because me getting along with her boyfriend "made her jealous" (girl i don't want you bf) (i don't even know how YOU want him) (im here cause you asked me to and im making an effort to be nice)

OR when even tho we had made plans to go see a movie together on the weekend, she said yes to an invite to go to a bar on the same day and overall time of the movie IN FRONT OF ME

OR !! when we made plans to watch Spider Verse together and she texted me before we could go and said her bf "bought different tickets" without her seeing and so they saw ATSV instead

OR when her boyfriend was very rude to me for no reason in front of our entire class and SHE came to me later to apologize FOR HIM cause "he lashed out cause he's going through a lot"

OR when I was crying (which I don't really do often, specially not in public) one that same day and she felt conflicted in staying with (when I ALWAYS make sure she's okay on the hundreds of times she left class or called me crying) or staying with her bf who was "a little bit upset" (he had to tell her to go talk to me)

or when she does something that bothers or annoys me and I communicate it to her (like we agreed we'd do, so neither of us get that uneasy anxious feeling) and she says stuff like "you dont hate me now right?" or "im sorry im such an awful friend" or "I'll understand if you dont wanna be my friend anymore" making me compartmentalize my own bad feelings to reassure her (even tho she's in the wrong)

OR !! For completely disregarding the plans we made to watch this show (that i was very excited to see your reactions to) together, only to watch almost half of it with ur boyfriend literally the night before AND keep me waiting all day for a reply the next day, only to be very nonchalant about the mean thing you did

OR !! always making me bend over backwards to fit into her "busy schedule" but not making the effort of CREATING time for me in her schedule

I'm gonna be enjoying the end of this lovely Carnaval week (god bless national holidays) with a clean conscience and will be amicable when returning to class on monday (at best)

is so weird to actually get older sister advice cause i have a "old wise character" syndrome where I think I know everything (I failed to do what past me did at 16 without even flinching) (it'll be weird to cut this person out of my life) (but I will not stay where I'm clearly not wanted) (well... maybe wanted but not treated with care and love)

[cosmosoma]

T check-in, 3.5 months in!

So to preface, I want to say that since it's a non-binary transition it's been full of me trialing up to 2 full pumps of gel for the first month and a half, and then about a month ago I felt that i could use a short break to lighten things up and slow everything down. now i'm dedicated to 1 pump daily and i additionally got prescribed a cream for bottom growth. the situation got Weird then, though, because the dosage and directions were kind of weird for someone like me, and I maybe ended up getting a UTI because of the cream just being too Abundant for my use in particular. So i'm going my own way and using it how I want to, applying one click every other day instead of four clicks once a week, the last few days. I've been careful since then and it seems to be doing ok now, and I'm back on track with my goals again.

VOICE: so, though it could be in part allergies, i seem to be in this "froggy" stage where my voice cracks a lot, but i'm not seeing anything along the lines of permanent deepening just yet. it's definitely getting easier to go much lower, and I think a small amount of my high register is slowly becoming more difficult to reach, which i'm not altogether too worried about really? i think i'm confident i can maintain elasticity so long as i keep exercising my voice in various ways. i even auditioned for a voiceover role with my high register and think I did a pretty okay job.

I think the one thing i'm worried about is how difficult it is to sound as emotive as I want to be in my lower register? i've always taken on a lower tone of voice as a way of being all Serious and sounding kinda angry, so that's how it sounds to me when i talk even though I'm trying really hard to be expressive. it's easier when i'm on call with friends and we're joking around and i hear all the deeper voices being expressive like how i want to be, so i think i just need to get inspired more... i plan to look into vocal training in a bit as well, so we shall see if i make any progress on that front!

in the meantime though i watched this video last week and it was A LOT.... and motivated me plenty to find my voice so i can finally hear who i really am from my own mouth.

BODY HAIR: i'm getting fuzzier!!! it's great. i did have a single chin hair pop up which caught me off guard cuz it had gotten so long, and i thought "HMMMM do i really want any more of these? would i be okay having a bunch of hair of this texture here?" and honestly, the texture of the one hair was fine. but then the thought of having my own skin change to be the texture of that of those with facial hair, especially the kind i know i have the genes for, doesn't appeal to me at all. it sounds like a sensory nightmare. i have a terrible skin-picking habit, and i couldn't see myself not scratching the hell out of my face if i ever had that happen. it's the only real thing keeping me from wanting facial hair. mostly i just definitely dont hate the idea of having a little bit of stache and sideburns, but ideally i want it all to remain relatively soft and unobtrusive. so the sight of it disappointed me more than anything. it's really what prompted me to go down on my dosage.

anyways tho, my happy trail is getting more prominent, which is DOPE and very gender-affirming. i would be happy so see it be a bit darker but stay a similar texture.... yeah thats been my whole deal with growing body hair. i let my leg hair grow out for the summertime and, man, i dont really hate the sight of it at all but it's really texturally always been awful for me. it chaffes! it's always going so many directions!!! this is why i prefer to shave it. but i wanna keep putting out the gender vibes that i do when i wear shorts..... i enjoy them a lot. so idk, maybe once i have everything else settle in and i start getting gendered correctly in wintertime i'll shave it.

HEAD HAIR: still goin strong baybeeeee~ i think my genes just allow for REALLY thick hair, and the testosterone is just enabling it more than it is hindering it for.... SOME reason. i lose less hair than i used to, and it's EXTREMELY thick in some regards. i have a bunch of babyhairs now that are really coming in strong. i think i actually went backwards and lost some hair when i took a break from t for a few days? and now that im back on it's falling out less. wack.

SKIN: again, i still am not seeing an increase of acne. maybe when i took a break from t? it's back on track to being just Okay again. i also do think i feel a lot softer. like i said before, it could be an increase in collagen production.... it is inchresting

PHYSICAL STATE: dude did you know that. testosterone make u hungry. altho it's not actually hunger necessarily that i feel. it's more that, i notice if i DON'T eat a certain amount every day, my body begins to eat ITSELF and i family guy death pose in the morning until i get some serious calories in me. i've been trying to eat more overall, and i definitely CANNOT eat like i used to before i moved here. i used to be lucky to eat two square meals in a day, and it took a lot of effort to feel like i could even make three. but now it's three meals a day and then some in between. i get hungry quicker and i need to supplement myself in between meals. it's pretty dope. not great for my self esteem in terms of like, well, being unable to afford all the food i want for myself, having to rely on others and worrying that i'm going to just wind up eating so much they get sick of me. the usual. but i do like the results of eating more. i'm gaining some weight (weighed 4 lbs heavier than in february! not much but it's motivating....) and i feel like the shape of my body is actually starting to look more like myself...? i'm getting a bit stockier, but in a really cool way where my curves are more bulging and overall giving me a more filled figure. like my muscles are growing but so are my fat deposits. i really really love it. i want to keep going and see what it becomes. i just wish i could eat all of the foods i really want to eat so it could be easier.... so for now it's slow-going.

MOOD: not really much of a change. i feel depressed most of the time but have a few good days once in a while. it's just the same old story, really. i know that i'm going to still feel shitty until start living the life i feel more secure in. i just gotta keep on keeping on for as long as that takes. i had a decent cry today, anxieties about things mounting, so i feel a lot better now than i did before.

LIBIDO: i can't get a good grip on it. it's pretty normal to usual, and for a while it bottomed out (as i tend to do from time to time myself--wait this joke doesn't hit. i'm making a joke about being a bottom/switch. okay, continue) and i just Wasn't feeling it. i think as of this weekend it's started to come back, though. it was really hard even TRYING to be horny, probably because i lowered my dose using the cream has helped me start to regain some of it, though. ideally i want to be ABLE to get horny, so that sucked before!

BOTTOM GROWTH: okay so, i mentioned on cohost that i started pumping. it's fun to do, but it's sure fucking tedious!!! and i have to be hard first, which almost just doesnt happen at all until i get really REALLY horny or get a fervid jackoff session going, and i don't exactly have all the privacy i need for that. so the times i do it are fewer than i'd like for there to be. the growth also really deflated/petered out for a bit, but it's back on now that i have started using the cream regularly. hopefully we see some more from that.

ALL IN ALL: I'm still on track, granted it will be at a slower rate now which is more ideal anyways. i think this has been overall really good for my body and mental health? moreso than i expected! i think i just really need to pay attention to how much i'm getting to eat, and also get back into exercising daily since i fell off of that quite a bit, lol...... i'm gonna start going to the pool whenever possible; swimming really seems to be the one thing that gives me the best workout with minimum damage to my body. it's also been recommended for my physical therapy in the past, and i've definitely seen improvements in my scoliois and arthritis every time i've swam often. so here's hoping i can stick to that sort of regimen.

first T-gel dose done 👍 I've decided I'm going to put it on my inner thighs stomach area* instead of my arms/shoulders because my acne is really bad there and I don't want the alcohol to irritate the wounds; there's evidence to suggest it works just as well regardless of where on the body it really goes. also I heard t-gel can go on genitals for bottom growth reasons but that it can also burn bc of the alcohol but I tried it and it was fine for me? so I'm also doing that in small amounts with some body-safe skin oil to use in tandem to combat the drying. I'll update again in a week with how it's been going 🩷🩵

*edit: realized it would possibly contaminate the surfaces upon which i sat bare, like toilet seats lmao. glad i realized this before i used another toilet besides the one downstairs or my partner used it!

[celeste-i]

I have depression give medication me want pills yummy yummy brain food

[b4kuch1n]

hi your art style is amazing??!?!?! like holy shit??!!??!??!?!?! Your usage of sharp angular lines and pencil shading is fantastic!!! If you don't mind me asking, do you have any tips for art and sketching? (Also I'm sorry if I used too many ?'s and !'s but I'm just,, really excited rn)

!! thank you very much!! I’m really glad you like the way I do lineart haha,, 

about tips; honestly I’m. not incredibly mindful of how my art comes to be, so I usually have nothing for questions like this one,, I have some speedpaints up on my Youtube channel (that I will hopefully update soon if I remember to actually record the stuff I do) if you wanna check out my process!! otherwise I just did like. a few small sketches separately while actively look at them djskh and here’s what I got out of that:

- at least in your own time, it’s better to get it done than to get it perfect. I literally just tell myself repeatedly “leave it to when you do lineart” while I sketch, and then when lineart comes I have literally forgotten about all of my expectations. that might just be my brain at work but also like. in general I think your art will outlive your first idea of it. tldr Just Do It™

- if you want a small ink piece to look pro you just gotta be mindful of where the light source it, be vaguely aware of the shapes that make up your figure, and black the shit out of the side opposite to the light source. I genuinely did that so many times, like sketching the general shape, doing a quick outline, then paint bucketing the whole thing. nobody knows whether you have a specific plan for that black mass or not. sometimes not even you. magic

- you know why I do a lot of straight lines and angular shapes now? it’s because I got tired of drawing the same curve over and over trying to get it correct to the sketch. you can’t fuck up a curve if it’s made of smaller straight lines. and it has the bonus of making curves pop when you do use them! so fuck it why not

- the way I’ve been breaking down the blackout ink side of the recent pieces, or the transition space between, is honestly purely decided by instinct. but I guess that means that I go with the things I find interesting or fun to look at? I love triangles/fragment-like shapes in art, so I just put a lot of them in. if you like something small that you’ve seen someone do in their art, I think you should put that in your art too. 

- flipping your canvas definitely helps. blacking out the whole shape you have going on also helps. especially if you want a gesture your character does to be clear. 

- if there’s a shape you have a hard time drawing, the best way to do it is to develop a mildly unhealthy obsession with it and never stop focusing a bit too hard on it in every piece you do. thats me with shoes. every time I watch gokaiger I spend the whole opening staring at their boots. you just gotta condition yourself into practicing. even better if you can skip the conditioning part

- before you start a piece you have the intention to finish, it’s good to open a small canvas and just do squiggles and parallel lines and quick circles. like just expel all the shaky hand juice outta you before you start. I’ve been doing warmup like that before commissions recently and it definitely helps immensely

and that’s it for the time being I think!! I hope any of that is of help to you at all,, and thank you again for the really nice ask!!

[shiocreator]

Y'all get this

A fourth part

This will be the only time I ever write 3 anythings within a day. Its probably short maybe shorter than the last.

Please forgive me if it's terrible I'm bad at writing multiple characters. And they're possibly poorly written I am sorry.

You know the rules by now, spoilers ahead dont read unless you wanna be spoiled about things or you already watched or played the game Inscryption!

Last Page Next Page

It's been some days since our meeting. Now that we've actually met and spoken to each other, P03 would make sure I took care of myself and not miss any classes, saying he was only doing it so I would owe him, and play with him again. Keeping up my end of the bargain there, I did continue to play his game. Either way, it's nice having someone to talk to during these times, even if they degraded my sense of coat for a summer day.

And, today was the day I had planned to visit my family. Our family friends, the Young's heard what happened to Luke and had stayed with them for abit in my absence, to help comfort my family. I'm kind of glad that by now they'll be gone, I just dont feel like seeing others right now. Though, P03 was a stranger technically, but it's, it's just a robot... even if I did get attached immediately.

And now, I'm home. I left the computer at my dorm room, I feel kinda bad, but-

Thud!

Suddenly I'm jolted out of my thoughts by something slamming into me!

I hear the sound of an excited little girl yell. "CARTER!!" She giggles as she does so.

"Ouch! You've gotten stronger since we last saw each other havent ya punk haha!" I ruffle her hair, it's one of my little sisters, G.G., or Georgia. I hug her and pat her on the back as I do so, before picking her up, and looking to see very familiar faces.

"Hey Car, hows college?" A high school boy asks me, hands on hips and smiling a small grin, presumably at the girl who charged at me.

"Horrible my dear Alex! Wish I could come back home, but I dont wanna sleep in the spare room." I say, abit dramatically causing the people around to chuckle. My other little siblings, Brian and Raine came over to me to show some of the stuff they made, Raine showing me some of her art, and Brian having shown me some lines of code he made work.

I, really did miss these kids. A lot... I'm glad I did come back.

Nothing much happened really, we all hung out, played Luke's favorite card games, which half the time we were trying to figure out the rules, video games, and reminisced about old stories we had with him, us pranking him and in return him pranking us. It felt good, to remember him.

I stayed the night, and... I got a call... from... someone... I have no idea who, but I heard noises, at the other end. I sort of panicked and hung up, kinda scared I guess. I didnt tell anyone, I dont know why I just didn't... I didnt want to possibly endanger them...

I stayed another few nights, the same number called me many times. I... never told anyone, i eventually blocked it... And now here I am, getting ready to go back. I almost dont want to... Maybe I can tell P03, and ask for some help...

By the time I'm done pondering my possible situation I'm back. At my dorms. I hurry back into my dorm, hoping whoever called never followed me, and as soon as i entered my house i slammed the door shut and locked it. I ran to check on p03 to see if he was still there, and he was. It looked like he was trying to call someo- Oh.

Once he heard me come in he turned around, and he looked angry. "WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER MY CALLS!?" He sounded.... like the exact same noises from the other end of the phone.

"Oops..." is all I can really say.

[coolnerdyandalone]

on FIMQ deleting her content and COVID-19 (and a gratuitous larry fic rec)

@freddiesmyqueen first of all queen i hope you’re doing ok although i know some shit must have gone down for you to delete/private list all your videos and i hope you know that the larry community supports you always. Also your talent is TRULY unmatched in the world of video editing - no one makes edits quite like you and that’s why your loss impacts the community so profoundly. 

secondly, i know at least i was hoping to turn to rewatching all of FIMQ’s videos while i’m being quarantined due to the coronavirus. and i’m willing to bet that i’m not the only one. this is a scary time and for people like me who feel profoundly alone right now, the only way for me to calm my nerves and fears is by reverting to the content and community that helped me feel not so alone when i was in middle and high school. For me, that looks like watching FIMQ videos and reading my favorite larry fanfics (which i will also link below).  because of this i thought it might be helpful to repost some links that were posted by @bluemoonlarryandkaylor for a signal boost (if my teeny-tiny account can be called a signal boost). 

link to a google drive with FIMQ videos: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1ONwfLOd_IYvAL5OUDqDb_LLgQsDpd9il

link to an acct with some FIMQ re-uploads: https://www.youtube.com/user/Joana3961/videos

link to FIMQ vids with spanish subtitles: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIouodFhArMkQhOHxv2t2NgxTwl6KvXAT

and now if you want to look at some good old fashioned larry fics that are my ABSOLUTE faves and could 100% be actual novels/movies, keep reading:

And Then A Bit** by @infinitelymint aka the best fanfic ever written (basically larry fakes a relationship for publicity with each other and it could be cannon if you really wanted to hope upon hopes): https://archiveofourown.org/works/1415272/chapters/2972746 (159k)

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.

(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

Escapade** by @haydolce aka the Jack McQueen fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4034197/chapters/9071932 (146k)

In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He's rich. He's handsome. He's reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

California Sold** by @isthatyoularry​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5157680/chapters/11877494 (123k)

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

Bring Your Body Baby (I Could Bring You Fame) by @theboyfriendstagram : https://archiveofourown.org/works/4263903/chapters/9652944 (84k)

Eighteen year old Harry Styles just graduated high school and landed a summer job as a waterboy for his favorite football team. His job description is simple: be ready to hand water and towels to players if needed. That didn’t seem to include Louis Tomlinson though, a twenty-three year old, recently transferred Paris Saint-German player, who seems to like making Harry’s job much more difficult than it has to be.

OR  

A self-indulgent AU that takes place over the summer of 2015. 18 year old Harry hates pining after people he can't have, and 23 year old footballer Louis loves flirting with people even though it never means anything.

Pull Me Under** by @zarah5 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/870766/chapters/1672104 (140k)

AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career, it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis' favourite teammate, Liam as Louis' agent, and Zayn as Liam's boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.) 

You You You** by @isthatyoularry : https://archiveofourown.org/works/846690/chapters/1617212 (137k)

“Infamous boybander leaves club together with unknown,” read the headline. Underneath were pictures of a boy with dark curls, green eyes and very tight pants. They both studied the article for a moment, reading it through quickly. “Is that…?” Louis frowned. That guy almost looked exactly like... "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" "Louis," Niall said, looking absolutely fucked over. "You just fucked the most wanted guy on earth. You just fucked Harry Styles of One Direction."

Or, the one where Harry and Louis meet at a club and Louis takes Harry home, only for him to realize that the boy who just made him breakfast half naked is Harry Styles from One Direction.

Like an Endless Summer by @horsegirlharry : https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365494/chapters/25442085 (87k)

“You just wanna go fawn over Styles as soon as possible,” Zayn grumbles.

“I do not. Plus, he probably got ugly this year. Eighteen is an awkward time...I bet he’s got acne and one of those terrible fuckboy haircuts all the hipsters are getting these days, with the shaved sides? Just watch, the first year we’re gonna get any time together is gonna be the first year I don’t have a stupid crush on him.”

---

Or, Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’s formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

Three French Hems by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/3064493 (20k)

In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

The Dead of July aka the Marvel Fic by @whimsicule  : https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594570/chapters/7928520 (117k)

Being an Avenger means continuing to be Captain America and smiling and being honorable for the public and Harry does his best. But it doesn’t give him time to figure out who he is supposed to be once he takes off his uniform and puts the shield to the side. Just being Harry had always involved Louis, and Harry fears he doesn’t know how to exist without him.

or: Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

Gods & Monsters by  @mizzwilde : https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090982/chapters/4550871 (201k)

The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that's exactly what he did.

Love is a Rebellious Bird aka LIARB aka the orchestra fic aka dont hum bolero by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162438/chapters/2362331 (135k)

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Don't hum Bolero.

My English Love Affair** by @isthatyoularry​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873962 (19k)

The thing about sleeping with a member of a famous indie band is that the inevitability of having a song written about you is most likely a hundred percent. The second thing is that in the end, nobody's supposed to find out it's about you.

The one where Harry writes a song about his English love affair and Louis sleeps with someone in White Eskimo and all he gets is a stupid song written about him.

Soft Hands, Fast Feet, Can’t Lose by @haydolce : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5799241/chapters/13366498 (113k)

American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

Wild and Unruly aka the Cowboy fic by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/2723093/chapters/6099611 (124k)

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

For As Long As I Can Remember (It’s Been December)** by @greenfeelings​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/15051122/chapters/34892210 (128k)

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.

Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

the boys of fall** aka the american football fic by @godgavemelou​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5443037 (21k)

“And everyone, this is Harry Styles. He’s going to be our starting quarterback this year.”

Louis looks at him, the tall and lanky Harry Styles, and takes it all in. He’s got hair to his shoulders that curls at the ends, tattoos all down his arms, and a bright smile on his face as the team cheers him on. He’s lean and fit, and absolutely beautiful, and Louis hates him to the core.

OR an american football au where the boys play for the university of tennessee, and harry and louis quite hate each other.

** indicates that the fic is a log-in required fic, but if you want the pdf i can send it to you

[luvspence]

prom night

synopsis: you and spence both never got your own prom, maybe this makes up for it

{a/n: i’m projecting a little bit bc i missed my prom, but i hope this isn’t too cheesy}

——-

the east coast was your home

born and raised in dc, school in new york, work in virginia

you wouldn’t have it any different

except for the fact that you lived less than 20 mins outside your childhood home

you loved being able to be close to your family, but it had its downsides

“y/n can you pick up your brother

y/n can you run to the store for me

y/n can you pick up my dry cleaning”

and it was like you were in high school all over again

on one occasion you were at home with your mom and your baby sister, delaney, she was 17, so not much of a baby anymore

“so what’s the hot gos” you said taking a bite out of your gronola bar and looking your sister down

“ew”

“dont ‘ew’ me”

“well i got asked to the prom yesterday”

your mom nearly dropped her pan

“NO WAY”

“yes way, is it so hard to believe that someone would like me? i’m not y/n for crying out loud”

you gave her a light punch on the arm

“NOT FUNNY”

she wasn’t far from wrong though, you were the classic “nerd”

15 years ago when you were in her place, at the exact same high school, you were never asked to prom, you were too busy in math olympiad or physics club to ever want to attend prom

but that was 15 years ago, now you lost the braces and the acne, got 2 degrees, and had a very lovely boyfriend of your own

“it is though, you’re lucky you found spencer, two dorks made for each other” she said taking a sip of her water

“you’re such a bitch”

15 year age gap aside, you were still very much, sisters

“y/n, do you mind chaperoning? that way we don’t have to pay for a ticket” your mom asked

your sister blurted out “oh my god NO”

you were laughing so hard, usually this is the kind of thing you’d pass on, but it torturing your sister was so so so worth it

“okay i’m game, see you prom night”

——

“spencerrrrrrr” you trailed on as you sat next to spencer on the couch, staring deep into his hazel eyes

“yes my love?”

“do you love meeeeeeee???”

spencer rolled his eyes, he knew this is how you asked him for a favors

“to the moon and back, why??????”

“okay look, my baby sister, delaney, is going to the prom and i’m chaperoning her, and she called me and you dorks so we have to get back at her by embarrassing the hell out of her at her prom”

spencer laughed

“you’re no better than a petty 17 year old”

you rolled your eyes “so can we?”

he looked at you, than his eyes trailed from the calendar to his watch to you again

“of course”

“yes!” you gave him a hug and planted a kiss on his cheek

“i love you so bad spencer reid!” you said as you ran around the apartment

“even more!” he replied

—

“incoming call from spencer reid”

“hey y/n?”

“yes love?”

“what color dress are you wearing tonight?”

“green, why?”

“no reason...”

he said before he hung up

you laughed to yourself “what a dork”

you continued to brush the mascara on your eyes, getting ready for your very first prom night

you came running down the stairs in a dark green ankle length dress, while spencer waited to pick you up

he was wearing a suit with a matching bow tie to your dress

“that’s why you asked the color! you look dashing by the by”

you said as you leaned over and gave him a cheek staining kiss

“and this” he said as he handed you a beautiful green corsage arrangement

“spencer! for me? this is gorgeous”

you said as you slipped it onto your wrist

“yeah, penelope knows a guy”

“of course she does, and thank you! i can’t believe you’d go through all of this for me on fake prom” you said as he started driving toward your parents house

“hey this prom is not fake at all to me, i’ve never been to prom before”

you shrugged “me neither, i always thought it was dumb anyway”

“this is sort of embarrassing” spencer said scratching his head

“come on spencer it’s just me”

“okay, you know i went to highschool very young, i hadn’t even gone through puberty. i was the smallest guy in the class and that wasn’t purely based on my age. i was scrawny. but i had this grand idea of going to prom with the most beautiful girl. and i’d be all tal and handsome at that point, and i’d walk into that dance and stick it to all my bullies”

“that not embarrassing! i wish i wanted to go to prom like that. i guess i was too pretentious to go, i was an all star intellectual, there was no way i’d show my face at an event like prom”

“yeah, so i guess we both get do overs. and i get to live my prom dream. now i’m tall, and i have a beatiful girl by my side” he said as he smiled at you

“have i ever told you i love you?”

“not enough” he smiled as he pulled into your parents drive way

you got out of your car to wait inside with your sister for her date to arrive

eventually a tall girl with a equally as beautiful corsage in her hand ended up nervously swaying on the front door and she rang the door bell

spencer answered

“hi!”

“h-hi, mr. y/l/n” she said in a nevrous tone

spencer laughed out loud and you went to intervene

“oh my yeah he’s just my boyfriend, hi i’m delaney’s older sister y/n. no need to be nervous, there’s no dad around here. just a lot of siblings, my mom and my boyfriend!” you said as you welcomed her into the house

delaney went to take the corsage from her date, melanie

your mom lined you spencer and your sister and melanie up for what felt like 800 pictures before you finally decided to get into spencers car to the dance

in the car you turned around to the girls

“sooooo, how’d y’all meet”

delaney burried her head into her knees in embarrassment while her date explained

“well she was in my physics class, and it all went from there”

“physics!!! i love physics, is mr. scott still there?”

“yup he’s our teacher”

“sick” you said to yourself, reminiscing about your days in high school

eventually you pulled into your highschool parking lot, hooking arms with spencer as you walked toward then gym

“god does this bring me back”

you said to him

your sister whispered to her date “god she’s so old”

“HEY DELANY I HEARD THAT”

she gave you the stink eye and whispered in your ear

“please get as far away from me as possible”

all you did was nod as you watched the two of them skip into their dance

you looked up at spencer

“god you’re so cute, i wish i had you here in high school”

“i’m sure you had your boys”

“from the physics club? right”

you walked into the fully decorated gym, wandering around from the punch bowl to the photo booth, you and spencer watching the floor of kids dance to their hearts content

“i think i know why i skipped this in highschool”

spencer laughed

“ i would have killed to be in this very position when i was in high school”

you wrapped your arms around his neck and looked him in the eyes

“killed to be in prom in the first place or to be here with me?”

“with your of course”

he said as he met your lips for a kiss

obviously bringing spencer was a bad idea for your sabotage delany plan, because you got way too distracted with spencer by your side

you spent the entire night talking to him, dancing with him to the slow songs, taking funny pictures in the photo booth

high school stuff you guess

eventually when all the kids were slow dancing, you looked up at spencer

“wanna make a break for it?”

he didn’t know what that meant, but if it was with you he’d do it, so he just nodded and followed you outside

you buried your head into his shoulder as you walked around the campus you grew up on, pointing to the points of interest

you pointed to a big oak tree with seat like roots under it

“that’s where we used have physics club meetings”

then you pointed to a hidden patch behind all the bushes

“this is where i traded homework for money”

he just nodded as you told the stories of your high school experience

you pointed to some old looking railings with a tree standing view it

“that’s where i had my first kiss”

“HUH! i thought you said you got no boys, physics club and all”

“yeah you’re right” you said as you settled on one of the bleacher, overlooking the field and the night sky, spencer joining you

your fancy dress hitting the dirt of the baseball field, the cold april night making you shiver, and spencer putting his blazer coat over you

“you’re right, i didn’t get any boys in high school” you sighed as you cuddled into his arm

“my first kiss was with dylan watson, he was mr blue eyes blonde hair, baseball and perfect social status. and you know i was, braces glasses and physics”

he laughed as you continued to tell the story

“but yeah one day he slipped me a note, i figured he just wanted homework. but he said to meet him there after school. so i did, and he confessed tht he loved me, and wanted to be my boyfriend. and of course i said yes. and the he kissed me. it was the best moment of my life up until then. but as soon as he pulled away he yelled ‘you got that?’”

“oh no” spencer said, listening intently

“oh yes, his buddies had be filming, then they put me on plays all around the entire school, showing the video to everyone. so yeah, that’s why i never want to the prom. i guess it might have been bc i was a nerd, but also because i never wanted to show my face to those kids anymore” you said as you sighed

“you know, i had a similar experience where a pretty girl told me the same thing, but instead the entire school stripped me to my underwear and tied me to a pole. it was awful”

“oh my goodness that’s terrible” you said

“well i guess high school bullying makes great profilers?” yoy laughed

“maybe. i think it also develops character well i’m general too. and hey! you got your first kiss out of it”

“yeah, but high school was the worst, i wish i could tell my 17 year old self that it would get better”

“me too” he said

he said as he tucked his chin into your head and looked up at the stars, faint music echoing from the gym and the sound of your cold shakey breath

“y/n, i’m just glad we got to spend our prom night together”

[angeloncewas]

yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

[scandeniall]

sucker, not a simp

pairing: osamu x reader 

request from anon:  Ohoho what about Sucker by the Jonas Brothers with the superior twin AKA Osamu?? 🥴 But really I’m really excited and intrigued to see how you portray him!!

summary/warnings: one time atsumu called him a simp, but suna said hes a sucker instead./alcohol/curisng/college au again

wc: 1.3K

“It's done,” you exclaimed excitedly, immediately shutting your laptop. Glancing around at your project partners around you, you all passed high fives around. When you got to the last male you gave him a half hearted high five, pulling away just as quickly as it happened. You began chatting with the rest of your team members as you all began packing up. You hadn’t even noticed the slight redness that crept up his face.

“You plan on sitting there all night Samu.” Other than Osamu you were the last person to leave the small study room. Your question came from the doorway, as he just shook his head. Glancing at the numbers displayed on your phone you continued. “Well it's already 2am. Come on, we’ve been at this all day, and we present the proposal in the morning remember?”

Before you could completely walk out the door, The call of your name stopped you. “Hey, do you need a ride back?” A small smile shot crossed your face as you nodded, and soon the two of you were out the library and making your way down the eerily silent campus. “Sorry I parked so far, didn’t plan on being here so late.”

“It's fine,” you hummed out, kicking a small pebble along the sidewalk. “Besides, we had fun and got a badass proposal out of it. We all worked great together and bouncing ideas off of you was cool.”

“I guess we make a pretty good team,” his eyes caught yours and all you could do was nod. 

“Yeah, we do. Don't we?”

That was two years ago. After getting put in the same group project for your business class the two of you became nearly inseparable. With similar majors, the two of you found each other studying together, and even scoring internships at the same company. 

“Ok I think that the company should rethink their expansion plan. When you look at the current revenue in comparison to the expenses we have a problem. For 1, they are spending too much on-” Osamu’s mind completely blanked as he watched you talk. The two of you were currently overlooking the business’s future plans and were tasked with improving them. This was just one of the many times Osamu Miya found himself completely and utterly fucked.

From how smart and passionate you were, to how kind and funny, and how you weren’t even afraid to put his brother in his place. Osamu fell hard. It didn’t make it any better that the two of you were a complete dream team when you worked together, and because of that found yourselves paired together the majority of the time. “Hey Samu, what do you think?”

The gray haired man made his way over to the whiteboard you’d written over standing nearly shoulder to shoulder with you. “Sounds good. I just think we should-” his fingers brushed against yours lingering momentarily as he took the marker out of your hand and wrote his own notes and added to your drawings. He couldn’t help but find himself smiling to himself at your terribly drawn buildings. He remembers the first time he saw you try to draw and compliment your descriptions. He called them trash but the way you laugh had him not minding at the shitty stick figures and lopsided buildings over the years. 

Once he finished he glanced over at you to notice you shuffle. “Hungry?” he raised his eyebrow at you as you nodded. He knew it. That specific shuffle where you’d slightly stand on your toes before shifting your weight to the right was a telltale sign that you weren’t feeling the best. And given the time of day, he figured you were pretty much ready for lunch. 

“Ya liked the onigiri last week right?” At your nod he continued. “Well I changed the filling this time. Wanna give it a try?” Osamu mentally cringed at the memory of his roommates the night prior as he prepped the dish.

“Oh c’mon Samu. I’m hungry,” his twin complained as he swatted his hand away. “I don’t care Tsumu. It's not for ya.” His annoyance grew at the blonde’s studpid laugh. “Of course not. It's for (Y/N). God yer such a simp.”

“I think sucker is a nicer way of putting it,” the twins’ third roommate called out lazily. Osamu ignored the ‘Shut up Suna’ from his brother as he continued his task. 

----

“Come on Samu, it’ll be fun.” You drew out the n as you leaned against the kitchen’s counter. Your friend stood over the stove as the smell of food overtook your senses. “Yeah Samu, it’ll be fun,” a third voice chimed in mimicking yours. “Fuck off,” the two over you said at the ame time. Your eyes drifted to the annoying blonde, while Osamu didn’t even bat an eye. “You two are so cute ya know. Talking the same.” This time you wordlessly flipped him off before turning your attention back.

“Come on Samu, it's gonna be spring break. What better way to spend it then getting drunk and having fun with our friends. Dancing the night away and taking on the town. You know it sounds like fun.”

And that's how Osamu found himself alongside you and several of your mutual friends, mildly intoxicated, sitting at an empty park acting like teenagers again. Osamu isn’t sure the heat he's feeling is from the alcohol, his reaction to the cooled night air, or the way your hand held his the entire walk from the bar as you half haphazardly dragged him along

The laughs of your friends were drowned out as the two of you sit on the park fixture on the opposite end of the park. The alcohol had started wearing off as the two of you settled on just a comfortable buzz. The two of you laughed along to the tik tok videos flashing on your phone the buzz making things even funnier than they usually wouldve been. 

“See aren’t you glad you came out tonight,” your head fell onto his shoulder, as you locked the device. 

“Yeah, I am. Too bad I’m not gonna remember the first half of this night.” His head fell back against the park fixture as he shut his eyes. “Oh don’t worry. I have the video of you almost falling off the ledge from earlier,” you teased out thinking back to how you had challenged him to walk the ledge outside of the bar, him nearly falling several times. You had to admit though, that he did better than you. You’d only gotten a fourth of the way through before you had to give it up. 

“Remind me while I followed along with your idea. It was like the blind leading the blind”

“It's because you like (Y/N) ya scrub.” The words came out obnoxiously loud before you could even speak, causing you both to jump in surprise. “Yeah and (Y/N) you like Osamu back,” Both of your eyes widened at the flash from the phone as both your friend and Atsumu stood behind the two of you. They ignored both of your exclaims to shut up as the camera kept going. 

The hand on your shoulder stopped your continuing expletives as lips fell on yours. You ignored the hoots and hollers of the rest of your group who had somehow made their way over to annoy the two of you as well. You continued to ignore them as slightly chapped lips moved against yours and hands pulled you so that you were straddling your friend on a kids park fixture. 

The tiniest bit of alcohol, the feelings for your friend and the adrenaline that had come from the sudden kiss allowed you to keep ignoring your friends who only began to grossly gag and back away as hands fell on your butt and your tongue slipped into his mouth. When you finally pulled away you noticed the two of you were alone. Your forehead rested against his as the two of you let out heavy breaths. You couldn’t help but let out a breathless laugh, as he joined you. 

“Glad you followed me into the dark now?”

“I guess I am”

a/n: yeah sorry for the hold up bby. Idk i still dont actually like this and I struggle with writing osamu, so i hope this was at least tolerable. Requests are open, but pls check my rules first :)

funfact the beginning of this is inspired by an irl thing that happened to me this past semester. He was cute too and our team actually won the prize and our group was deadass in the library for 13 hours straight and left at 2am to be up by 9am. and he did drive me home LMFAO but nothing came of it and maybe i’ll see him at our prize conference if covid doesnt ruin my life further (he was a senior and graduated smh)

[zombieratt]

Alright so forewarning this is LONG as FUCK specifically because i came up with this idea in early high school and was just today POSESSEd By the Spirit Of Musical Theatre to put it to paper— er Tumblr.

So without further ado:

DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT EVAN ISNT A TERRIBLE PERSON AND CONNOR LIVES.

the beginning is the same, canon diverges just after waving through a window.

*this ended up getting written is script format? i also just sorta ignore alana’s whole exsistance bc in this version of the play she’s unnecessary*

In the moments before he talks to Connor evan decides to omit Zoe from his letter, having resolved himself to move on from her. (instead of being a hella creep.)

Connor: “dear Evan Hansen,” what are you writing letters to yourself? *he laughs*

Evan: its, uh, its for my therapist. its just a stupid little assignment that she says is supposed to help me process my feelings or— uh or something

Connor: hm. here. * hands Evan the letter*

Connor: your cast. no one’s signed it.

Evan: uh no. no one has.

Connor: gotta sharpie?

Evan: huh?

Connor: gotta sharpie? im gonna sign it.

Evan: *handing the sharpie to Connor* w- whuh uh why?

Connor: *shrugs* feels right.

Evan: i wish i could do that

Connor: what?

Evan: UH, IMEAN—

Connor: no wait- dude.

Evan: i mean uh, i meant that i wish i could just be, y’know impulsive like that.

Connor: Why Cant you be?

Evan: i uh, my heads pretty messed up, and stuff like that just, makes it worse i guess.

Connor: well theres some thing we have in common— were both fucked up in the head.

*the bell rings*

Evan: oh shoot! i missed the bus—

Connor: i’ll give you a ride.

Evan: are you sure i mean i can walk its not far-

Connor: all the more reason, i probably have to pass it on my way home anyway, cmon.

——

they meet Zoe in the parking lot

Zoe: I have Late practice today

Connor: whatever, gotta passenger.

Zoe: who the fuck would be crazy enough to trust your ability to drive?

Evan *being Brave*: Me Apparently?

Zoe: Uh, Evan Right?

Evan: yeah, uh, yeah.

Zoe *holding her hand out to be shaken*: i’m Zoe, we’ve met though right?

Evan wipes his hand on his shirt and shakes it: yeah, uh, nice to formally meet you, Zoe.

Zoe: i’m off, don’t kill him stoner.

Connor: i wont Princess

Evan breathing heavy: that was,, an eventful ten minutes.

Connor: oh fuck— you cool? or—

Evan: Panic Attack.

Connor: Right, uh

Connor: can you get in the car?

Evan: yeah

*car nonsense*

Connor: Can i start driving or do you want me to wait

Evan: Distractions are good,, Can Uh, Can you Talk about Stuff?

Connor: What stuff!??

Evan: any Stuff!

Connor: Is Zoe okay??

Evan: Sure?!

Connor: Uhh we don’t get along as well as we used to?

we were really close as kids, shes a huge asshole now but *fully venting now*

i kind of miss it you know? having someone to talk to and care about— and i still care about her— but its scary and i always fuck it up! not to mention the fact that our parents hate me— make her see me as some alien and not just a fucked up kid who wants to talk and — (more ranting that i dont feel like writing, but its a whole monologue bro)

Evan: Connor

Connor snaps his mouf shut: yeah

Evan: thanks

Connor: oh that, uh actually helped?

Evan: yeah focusing on your voice and whats real and stuff— it makes a difference.

Neither of them noticed that Connor was just sort of Driving. they end up at the park where in canon Connor commits Sewer-slide.

Evan: i didn’t know there was a park here.

Connor: huh, oh, yeah i guess i just sorta auto piloted, i come here to think.

Evan: About stuff?

Connor: Yeah, Stuff.

*the convo lulls*

Connor: do you have a laptop?

Evan: no, i uh, i left it at home? why?

Connor: give me a second

Connor walks to the car and grabs his back pack out of the back seat

Evan watches Quizzically from the swing-set

Connor pulls out a Sketch Pad and Pen, flipping to a clean page.

Connor: So tell me how to write one of those letters of yours.

Evan: uh, well you start like any other letter- just addressing it to yourself

Connor writing: Dear Connor Murphy,

Evan: and uh, my first one was supposed to be about my ideal summer vacation? since i started in middle school- but you don’t have to—

Connor: thats perfect.

Connor starts to sing for forever,

eventually Evan joins in there is a minor gay moment where they’re holding hands face to face.

the song ends with Connor hugging Evan.

Evan: its- its pretty late.

Connor obviously crying: just— just a couple more minutes.

Evan lets go and grabs Connors sketch book of the ground, closing it and handing it off to him: then how about this, labor day weekend- we actually go.

Connor: what are you talking about?

Evan: being spontaneous?

Connor: o-okay.

and it cuts to black.

theres a small montage here, as the set changes to Connor and Evans bedrooms

sincerely, me is a lament in this context, Connor and Evan are duetting from their respective rooms, writing to themselves.

(the lyrics are completely different and i will not be writing them here because thats too much fucking effort.

but they’re duetting from their bedrooms about making a connection to another person, feeling seen, for the first time. what it felt like and how they really want to keep it up but are afraid of making a mistake and ruining it.

its got some themes of waving thru a window, and a little bit of for forever, but its still largely the same notes just in a different key.)

after wards, Zoe knocks on Connors door to tell him dinner is ready to find him peacefully asleep.

requiem is the same, Zoe sees Connor as Dead to Her instead of actually dead, so some of the wording changes, so and so about how a monster doesn’t deserve peaceful rest etcetera.

school day happens, Connor doesn’t die, but the hot goss is that everyone saw Connor and Evan go home together after school, jared makes a shitty homophobic joke to Evan and Evan kind of tells him off about it. they argue and it culminates in Evan saying “well god forbid I’m friends with someone who isn’t YOU!” or smth like tht and it hits jared right the fuck at home man.

Connor says from the side lines: damn that was pretty hard core dude.

Evan: you have, no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that.

Connor honest to god l a u g h s, theres a number of people who hear it and lose their shit, Zoe being one of them: i have a pretty good idea, wanna get some lunch?

Evan: yeah, sure.

this general routine continues until labor day weekend, when they plan to go on their little escape. theres a short scene of Connor leaving the house with his keys and a backpack.

Connors mom confronts Zoe about his oddly upbeat attitude and hows he’s seemed differently lately Zoe Shrugs but decides to investigate his room.

she finds the letters. the first one is for forever, the theme plays as she reads it frantically, and is signed “Sincerely me (connor murphy)” so she knows its him, i f i could tell her begins but its a real duet between Connor and Zoe and at the end she resolves to try harder to connect to him.

Evan sings disappear to Connor after breaking into a formerly public park, in this context its him confessing that he broke his arm attempting su!c!de. Connor records it, for personal reference.

jared hacks Connors phone and steals the video, posting it to yt, in an effort to ruin their friendship.

Evan and Connor get in a little fight about it, and in the meantime Evan is called to the school to give an assembly because hes a phenomenal speaker and Disappear got like 1000000 views over night.

Zoe and Connor bond a little bit in a short scene before the assembly

Zoe: wheres Evan what happened?

Connor: Kleinman Did!

Zoe: what?

Connor: Why Do you care?

Zoe: because! you look happy around him!

Connor: i, i do?

Zoe: yeah? he could tell the worst joke ever written and you’d crack up. i haven’t heard you laugh like that in years Connor, maybe ever.

Connor: oh.

Zoe: Come back inside?

Connor: y, Yeah.

they all perform You Will Be Found together.

end act 1.

(no more dialogue from here i got tired)

to break in a glove is Connor’s dad trying to reconnect with him, it goes mediocrely, but Connor feels like hes being seen by his dad for the first time in years. its said in metaphors, but this is Connors dads way of saying that if Connor is willing to put in the work, so is he. they hug at the end, things are looking up. some talk of therapy is sprinkiled in the dialogue as they walk of stage together.

Only Us is Evan and Connor saying that they saved each other. its loosely romantic, as its a love song, but they don’t out right say that they’re in love or anything, they don’t know if theyre ready for that. its a promise. the song ends with Connor finally apologizing for pushing Evan over at the beginning of the show.

good for you is sung by jared only, as a power ballad, about losing people you didn’t treasure. its his attempt at an apology, but it ultimately fails, since jared is unable to take responsibility for his own actions. this is where jared and Evan go their separate ways.

Evan’s mom comforts him, as he sings words fail, which is about specifically jared, and how their rocky friendship is ruined and Evan pegs himself as the cause, instead of parents or perfect girl he uses metaphors that apply to best friends— maybe more. and talks about how he didn’t try, he was happy so he ignored that jared was hurting, and how that was really shitty of him. but instead of it being a generally somber song the end is lighter, because Connor is there— waving through his front window.

Evans mom sings So Big/So Small as Evan steps out the front door to embrace Connor and they mime talking about jared, hug and take hands. the house moves off stage in preparation for the finale.

Connor and Evan open the finale saying each others names, and sing it together as the test of the cast (minus jared) joins in, Evans mom taking his hand and Zoe Taking Connors, Evans mom the Murphys and Zoe break off to the back where Evan and Connor finish the final “all i see is sky for forever” while looking into each others eyes, and finish the musical by embracing (maybe kissing if thats ur jam).