#(I saw a kind of really weird comment on Twit today)

[koushirouizumi]

Me, into my Void: You people do know what I mean by "Donor conceived", right? M E: You DO Know what I actually mean when I refer to that term rIGHT?.....

[absolutebl]

I've been a huge BL fan (series, fanfics, etc) for about a year but I'm still very new to this BL world and today I saw a post on soc media from some Trans activists with a caption "straight girls who fetishize gay guys are just as creepy as straight guys who fetishize lesbians". And then there were lots of comments like 'fujoshis, this is for you' or 'every yaoi fan girl ever' or 'every fandom ever' (I do know the meaning of yaoi and fujoshi). What do you think about that statement? Is it really that bad that we girls/women fangirl over fictional and sometimes real life gay couples? During my entire life I never realized that I'd be so much into BL (that's probably because I never really came across a lot of gay series/movies/stories/fanfics before when I was younger, only recently) and now ever since I became a huge fan I have seen that there are literally thousands of women who love it too. So is it really fetishizing?

Thank you

And btw I love your blog so much, one of my absolute favourite 💜💜

Aw hi hon!

I actually kinda tackle this, tangentially, in this post:

Will BL Get More Honestly Queer?

It's a pro normalization stance with pro straight allies feels.

So is straight women loving BL really fetishization?

From a kink perspective, no it's not fetishization. As a kinkster I have to say I don't like that term being coopted and used as a slur, either. That's just non-kinksters using kink as the lowest order punching bag for them to abuse (puns intended).

Technically for kinksters, 

a fetish is a sexual act or element that is REQUIRED by the person who has said fetish to get off.

Oxford says:

a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.

Oh but there's that word we all love "abnormal." 

Sigh.

Still, by either definition, my answer to "So is it really fetishizing?" is... no it's not. Because that's not what fetish means.

But this is how I feel about it as a queer kinkster and others are entitled to their own opinions. (So long as they don't present said opinion as fact, I suppose.)

Like everything else on Twitter, (and that smacks of a Twit-izm, so you didn't say twitter but I'm assuming) reduction has oversimplified the statement out of all inherent meaningful discourse or quality of thought.

Frankly i find outrage culture completely exhausting. I can't barely work up the enthusiasm to brush my damn teeth, getting upset up over pop culture that gives people pleasure, especially pleasing women who have precious little joy in their lives, just seems sad to me.

On the flip side:

It is interesting to consider, as a straight woman (or a lesbian, or a person not really attracted to men, or as a person not attracted to sex/relationships), why you are drawn to BL? Why you find this kind of narrative attractive, sexy, warming, comforting and NOT the straight ones? I do think self reflection can be quite interesting. Especially around desire.

But then again, as a queer kinkster, the nature of my own desires has resulted in a certain amount of self reflection my whole damn life.

Okay now... weird comparison but here we go. 

Wouldn’t publicly admitting to liking BL be a little like a straight woman experiencing a kind of coming out? I mean if admitting to loving BL gets you bullied, criticized, and abused? Like hello, welcome to the party. Guess who has a lifetime of knowledge about admitting to liking and/or being sexually turned on by a thing and then shamed for it, the queers and the kinksters! 

Finally, I think the original 1:1 has an issue with conflation. (Having just played about with conflation myself, my bad.) 

Still, the men/lesbian = women/BL cases cannot be compared because the power held by (and invested in) male sexuality, gaze, and straight sexual desire and its ability to objectify women (and companion impact on social power in society) is materially different from female and feminine desires and its social power.

As a result the original statement is, by default, pitting feminist issues against queer activism. I don't like anything that puts a fissure between queer and feminist, because I believe queer/trans rights are feminist issues. (I've talked about this before but I can't find that post and I'm tired...) 

Anydinglebury, read that linked post above, it's a lot more coherent than I am currently being.

Suffice it to say that what motivates me is cohesion and support, sharing affection and delight, as well as education and understanding - not being divisive or encouraging outrage or shock or us/them mentalities.

But that's what drove me to Tumblr instead of other platforms. Sure this is the original hellhole, but that hellhole is well lubed (sorry not sorry) and it's also a greyspace that seems to capable of containing multitudes (still not sorry) in a way other hellscapes can't (or won’t).

Besides, the people that do not like me or disagree with me here, well they just block my dumb arse. So much easier that way.

(source) 

[magalidragon]

Anger Management | fic teaser

a/n: I am loving kickboxing lately and naturally the most random of things inspire me...like an enemies to lovers smutfic where Dany punches Jon on accident. I have NOT punched anyone in the face in my workouts but I did punch a handsy pervert kid when I was in middle school. Anyway, this fic will have SMUT, an angry Dany, mysterious snarky Jon, Dadvos, and BFF Missandei who has butterflies on her gloves. Also weird Rhaegar makes an appearance. I love that weirdo. ���

"Ready?"

"Ready," Dany said, jumping up and down in place, patting her fists together. She grinned at Davos. "So? Who am I kicking the shit out of?"

He sighed. "So much for teaching you to channel your anger, to control your emotions."

"Everyone always wants women to control their emotions, but men can get away with anything."

"I am not touching that one."

It was true. Not that her eldest brother had any emotions, but if Rhaegar got angry in court it was "passionate" and if she got angry in court it was "shrill." Although Dany did have to admit, spending every other day in Davos's gym for about an hour and a half was really helping with her anger, frustration, and general stress levels. She discovered she was sleeping better, eating better, and even Rhaegar commented on her "distinct calm" in the partner meeting that morning.

It was because she knew that tonight she'd be able to actually mess with someone else. She liked kickboxing. Missandei preferred to just stay punching the bag and then let Grey try to teach her some of the staff-work, but Dany was eager to try out her moves with someone else. It was the competitive streak inside of her, coming from growing up with one brother as her sort-of father and the other as an annoying twit who pulled on her braids and terrorized her. She always had to outshine them.

Now she wanted to outshine this. She had mastered the punching bag, now she wanted to try with someone else. Even if it wasn't quite 'boxing.' Davos said as much as she thought she wanted to truly 'box', there was no way he was going to risk it. "I'm not delicate!" she'd shouted.

"Oh I know you aren't, I'm scared for the men."

Today, she'd carved out exactly ninety minutes to get through this before she had to be back at work to go over briefs and prepare her statement for Rakharo's hearing the following day. She'd managed to get it reverted back to juvenile court, which infuriated Tyrion, but it made her day. She'd be before the juvenile court judge, all of whom she knew and they were mostly softies who believed in second chances, as they should. Plus, the juvenile prosecutors were usually fresh out of law school and she could walk all over them.

Missandei was still waiting on their source at the courthouse to tell them who the judge would be. Dany hoped it was Brienne Tarth. They were going up against Edd Tollet as the prosecutor and as a former juvie himself, he tended to always give benefit of the doubt. It would be Rakharo's day in court and she was looking forward to winning and getting him free. Then straight into a relative's home and back to school, learning from his mistakes.

She climbed up into the ring, bouncing around in place, liking the feel of it. It was fun. "You have a trampoline? I could do this all day," she commented, hopping around.

"I’m sure the lads would like that."

Dany glanced at some young rugby players from the high school who were doing weight training, their mouths on the floor as she jumped. She glanced at her chest; she didn't have a huge one, but it wasn’t bad. The sports bra was keeping her in place, but boys, ugh. She rolled her eyes, knocking fists together. "Okay, get in here old man."

"I have to help Gendry, he's got a bunch of new kids coming in for the session of Faceless training."

"We're teaching children how to move like assassins? That sounds dangerous."

Davos's eyebrows lifted, agreeing. "Don't I know it. He never should have recruited at the playground, tons of parents want their kids to be involved, but I don't know what they think." He smirked. "You'll be training with one of my favorites today. Jonny boy!"

Dany wondered who Jonny was, she didn't recognize the name. She glanced over and saw movement from the back office, shocked at the sight of the hot man she'd taken to calling 'White Wolf' because she noticed that there was a white wolf on his black boxing gloves and he sometimes wore a black t-shirt with a white wolf head on the front, no other insignia. Missandei wasn't giving up info if she knew him, Grey was silent as ever, and most of the time he wasn't in the gym at the same time as her. When he was, he was busy and so was she, their paths never crossing.

He was kind of mythical, she'd decided, preferring to look at him from afar. He might ruin the illusion if she heard him speak more or learned that he was a pig like her previous two serious boyfriends.

"Jonny?" she echoed.

"Just Jon," he said, accent rough. It was like Arya's, Gendry's girlfriend, who was from the North. He climbed into the ring. He wore a t-shirt over black sweats, feet bare, and his hands were bare too.

"We bare knuckling it?" she asked. That seemed a little crazy.

"Don't do that stuff here, this isn't the 1800s."

Jon picked up two pads from the corner, slipping them over his hands. He held them up, smirking. "Let's see how you do with someone moving your target."

"What?"

"Gotta walk before you can run, lass."

She wrinkled her nose. Fine. She shrugged, rolling her head on her neck. Today's outfit was an all red ensemble, her braids hanging down her back from their elaborate up-do at her crown. "Let's do this then."

Jon smiled; he had a nice smile, she'd give him that too. It was entirely unfair how attractive he was. Probably has an empty skull, all the brains knocked out from boxing, she figured. She noted that he had a couple scars on his face; he had some more on his chest too, when she caught him without a shirt. He also had a tattoo along his shoulder and onto his chest. More wolves and what she thought might have been red leaves of some sort. There was a tattoo on his inner wrist, which she caught sight of now, standing close to him.

Duty

She darted her gaze to his other wrist. There was another word there. Love. She nodded to them. "Your fists are named love and duty?"

"Something like that." He smiled again, flash of white against his dark beard. His curls were half-back from his face in a knot. He also had gray eyes. They looked practically black in the dim light around them. An air conditioner vent blasted down on them, sending a chill through Dany's spine.

Or perhaps it was the wafting scent of spearmint, faintest cigarette ash, and...woodsy pine? She wasn't sure, coming from the man she now stood about a foot in front of. He was built, but not obscenely so, not like her ex-boyfriend Drogo, who spent more time preening before the mirror inspecting his muscles than using them. Her lips twitched, lifting her fists. "What do you got White Wolf?"

Davos heard that, whistling low under his breath. "My, my Jonny, she truly has your number."

Just Jon smirked, holding up the pads, squaring off. "Let's go Dragon Queen."

She flung out her fist, connecting so hard with his right pad that he stepped back, eyes widening, surprised. She grinned.

"Dracarys."