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anemoniii · 4 years ago

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dance with me | d.m

word count: 1.2k

warnings: painfully cheesy writing

ship: draco malfoy x muggle!reader (gender neutral)

request: no, but they're now open c:

summary: taking place after the war, muggle!reader learns just how cheesy sleepy draco can be after taking him camping for the first time ~ based off the beautiful song dance around the fire by why these coyotes

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Glowing embers illuminated the surrounding trees of an open clearing that was seemingly placed perfectly on top of a cliff. Just under the cliff, it had to have been 30 metres in the air and overlooked the deep, blue water that was colliding against the rocks at the bottom which was releasing a classic summer smell that you were all too familiar with. What was once your “family’s secret hideaway” was now something you decided was time to share with your significant other.

It’s been three years since you have met the mystery man, who you now know by Draco Lucius Malfoy, at a local pub. Or what he lovingly called it upon your first encounter “a muggle sweat tavern”. Despite the abrasive and confusing remarks he made that night, you soon learned the truth behind his complex façade.

Being a “muggle”, as he calls it, you had no idea what he was talking about for the first month or so. All you could grasp was that he was utterly lost in his morality (thanks to his upbringing) and needed an outlet. You didn’t think much of this the first time you talked to him. In fact, you didn’t even think you would see him again after this first interaction. But, what you now realize was luck, fate to some, you bumped into him every Friday after work. He was always seated at the same table which was pushed up against the west wall of the club — far from both the bartender and others.

You sat and listened to everything Draco had to say while he sat taking sips and bites at whatever drink and meal he decided to indulge himself with that week. That went on for a month before he suggested that you have more formal meetings. His exact, partially slurred, words were, “I don’t understand why you keep coming to this filthy mug- … filthy pub. I found this restaurant down the street, just two blocks over, and I think- I think we should at least take a look at their menu.”

To which you replied, with a loving smile, “I’d be honoured.”

The night Draco took you to the restaurant marked the first of many dates, as you would later call them. Three years after that night, you now laid peacefully in his arms, gazing over the water below and up at the stars. His head rested peacefully against your shoulder, and his soft hair was pushed against your face, calling you to run your fingers through it. As you reached out to place your hand on his head, a quiet hum echoed from his throat, causing you to pause.

“Don’t you just love summer?” He happily breathed out, slowly lifting his head off of you so he could stare into your eyes. You met his gaze and saw how gently his eyes blinked — fluttering almost, his eyelashes were barely touching. “I love it so much, it’s so… nice. Summer is so nice, but not as nice as you-” he continued, dragging on the “you”, and ended by booping your nose with the tip of his index finger.

“Go to sleep you big, oaf,” you teased, his finger still pressed against your nose.

He furrowed his eyebrows and shifted his eyes off of you. To anyone else, they might have thought that was a sign of discontent, but you knew this was his way of teasing back. “You’re rather mean, you know,” he puffed, “I wouldn’t even be out here in this excuse of a forest if it weren’t for you.”

You laughed at this. He was the one who begged you to finally show him your family’s secret hideaway. You smiled at Draco and shook your head before replying, “Then I guess you won’t mind if I pack up our belongings and-”

“That’s okay,” he said before standing up and whipping off his pants, “I was kidding.” He reached down to grab your hand and pulled you up into him. He delicately planted a kiss on your lips, followed by your nose, and then your forehead before whispering an ‘I love you’ into your ear.

“I love you more, darling,” you whispered back. He gave you yet another kiss before dragging you back to the tent that was placed away from the cliff and near the tree line. You nearly forgot about the fire that was ever so brightly glowing in the background. Fallen leaves and sticks crunched heavily under your feet as Draco pulled you closer to the makeshift fire that was dying down. He let go of your hand to blow the fire back to life.

He looked so at peace. So tired, yet so happy. He found his home. He knew it. Anyone who knew the couple knew it. Even if you denied it to all his old peers from Hogwarts, you also knew that you somehow managed to bring his withered soul back to life.

“Dance with me,” he mumbled, stuffing his face into you. The two of you swayed back and forth for what felt like an entirety. The sound of the waves, fire, and forest filling the silence.

“You- you are so entrancing, y’know?” Draco asked, his arms wounded tightly around your body.

“No, tell me,” you replied.

“You’re so amazing and wonderful, and I love everything about you-”

“Even if I’m a filthy muggle?” you asked while trying to repress a giggle, causing him to groan. He was silent for a few seconds, as he released his tight grasp on you to spin you around, he finally spoke–

“Shut up,” he pulled you back into him before he went on. “I love you, the beautiful (A/N: or handsome!) muggle you. And I’m going to marry you one day too — don’t you dare forget that.” His eyes were — lovingly — boring into your soul.

“Dray-”

“I’m going to wake up beside you every day and make you breakfast and kiss you before we go off to work and kiss you when we return home and I’m going to love you for every little bit of you. Flaws and all,” he rambled. “If you would let me, of course.”

You rested your hands on his cheeks before putting a finger to his lip.

“Why wouldn’t I let you?” He opened his mouth to respond, but you cut him off before he could drone on with his self-deprecation. “Don’t answer that. You’re worth every star in the universe — you’re worth everything to me, now come lie down. You look exhausted.”

“‘M not ‘ired,” he halfheartedly replied, not on purpose, of course. But he had been grasping for energy since the sunset, so it came to no surprise that he lost all effort to talk properly.

You led him to the tent where you managed to tuck him in after struggling for several minutes. Following suit, you lifted the blankets on the loose end and snuggled your way in between his arms. Before drifting off to sleep, you felt your lover pull you deeper into his chest before mumbling a ‘thank you’ into your hair.

“Thank you,” you breathed out, reaching behind him to finally play with his soft hair.

a/n: hello there! i haven’t written anything like this in awhile, so i hope you enjoyed lol - my request box is now open and empty, so feel free to leave anything you might want to read/suggestions c:

#draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #muggle!reader #draco x muggle!reader #draco imagine #draco fluff

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lizziesquire · 4 years ago

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what do you hope is in the books for you post law school? xxxx

hiiii bb!!!

what a terrifying question!! in the best way!!

I find myself pushing this question more and more to the back of my mind, as it keeps resurfacing more and more as I march slowly but steadily towards my last year of law school. damn. been really been on this platform for... 8 years?! now???? across 4 schools??? and 3 different levels of education??? 3 application cycles? 1 professional job??? what!

it’s a terrifying thought, in a way, because i’ve only ever planned my life concretely, with definite steps, up to this point. the plan was always to get into (harvard) law school, snag a job in b!glaw, and graduate with the security of knowing that i can provide for my family and pay off my student loans while using b!glaw resources to do as much pro bono as possible. now that i’ve presumably done those things (minus the dream school (thank god) and as long as i don’t fail this semester/3L and i get a return offer from this summer’s internship), i’m avoiding thinking about what next.

in a vague sort of way, i think about the paths i want my life to take. do i want to go in-house one day and live a more comfortable life that affords me more work-life balance than b!glaw ever will? or do i fall into the in-house mentality because so many go into b!glaw with the intention of not staying for long? theoretically, i think i would love firm work..........i enjoyed consulting, even as i’ve had to flip my days and nights while working asia hours for a client...and there’s just something about racing the clock that’s so thrilling. but i also know that it takes its toll on people and it makes personal life really difficult, so who knows what it’ll be like, esp. with workplace politics and trying to navigate the partnership path, etc., if i decide that it’s for me. slash whenever i’m ready to admit that it might be for me and may be something that i want.

i think about maybe transitioning to the arts/maybe try and carve a path to be general counsel for some fashion company or for a newspaper outlet—but i don’t know how feasible that would be when i’m going into b!glaw pretty set on litigating. i’ll get to dabble around this summer in transactional work and litigation work, but i know that i’ll end up going the litigation route, regardless, because i ! love ! legal research + oral advocacy + the long game of prepping for trial. but who knows? my summer experience might sell me on m&a or capital markets work, which will inevitably be much more suited to the in-house paths that i am vaguely entertaining in my mind.

i also think about government and being government-adjacent in d.c., being in politics but in the behind-the-scenes way, from a legal perspective. i don’t know what that would entail, and i’m still trying to figure it out, but. i don’t know if i’m well-suited to work within these institutions instead of trying to dismantle them because this past year of having served as am3rican c0nstitution s0ciety prez has me exhausted (though it was. SO rewarding to have played a big part in getting the amaz0n exec to step down from the nat’l board of directors) b/c work like that involves placating the institution while also disrupting it......if that makes any sense.

this is such a ramble a;woiefj but. the tl;dr is that i have no idea!!!! i just want to be able to provide for my parents and to be able to send money back home to korea so that my grandparents can quit their jobs and never have to think about money ever again. i want to be able to help my baby cousins in whatever way they need, whether it be tutoring or going abroad or funding their travels or just. sending them allowance. i want to be happy and in love with my life!!! i want to feel fulfilled in the work that i do. i want to maybe weasel my way as an adjunct professor after being so good at whatever i do and then just being hired full-time because my students find me valuable as a teacher. i want to travel the world and see things and experience other areas of the globe because i haven’t gotten to travel yet and i just am so curious about what else is out there and want to meet all the people i haven’t crossed paths yet. i want to find a love that is passionate and energizing and spontaneous and yet grounded and stable and feels like home. i want to maybe do a clerkship and maybe find my confidence enough to admit that i’d be interested in clerking on scotus/figuring out how the heck to do that because it’s a process so mired in opaqueness and elitism.

but at the end of the day, i just . want to be happy with what i’m doing and care about the work i’m doing and provide for my family and to have everyone be healthy and happy. a;weoijfa;rgweji

help

i am baby!!!!

thank you so much for stopping by and for letting me ramble a;woeifj i will update you with a more concrete plan once i have an idea of what is next!!!!

lots of love—happy friday xx

#Anonymous #asks

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rwby-party · 5 years ago

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“Thus Kindly I scatter.”

While I’m totally down with the idea of Summer Rose being dead the thought of her being alive too is really interesting. I mean that not like it sounds lol I don’t want her dead, but I feel like “Red Like Roses II” made all of us feel that way and to an extent “Sacrifice” as well with the line ”the moon will sadly watch the roses die.” Her gravestone referencing The Last Rose of Summer also alludes to this.

but also like. The thought of her being alive is like. SO FUCKED UP LIKE

did she get captured somewhere? Is she working for Salem? Is she actually dead? Will we actually ever get an answer?? WTF HAPPENED

(I’d find the idea of her being captured for years not only absurd but kinda boring anyway. It’d be as simple as freeing her and then she’d be back. But, it’s a possibility nonetheless)

I’ve got 3 ideas I’m gonna ramble on here, lol, so bare with me.

1. Summer works for Salem/joined Salem’s team.

The idea of her working for Salem is just like... So heartbreaking. She’s always been portrayed as this loving person. This... warmth in everyone’s hearts. The “best of all of us” as Qrow puts it himself. To see her get coerced to the dark side, working in the shadows, working against Ruby herself, maybe without even realizing it. Oof. OOOF.

I don’t even necessarily disagree with Salem to some extent MYSELF. She was horribly wronged by the Gods, and while she was flawed, did not deserve what she got AT ALL. Her side of the story is just as tragic as Oz’s, and she could easily spin it to where hers seemed MORE tragic than Oz’s. Salem has been portrayed as a master manipulator after all. To have Salem spin her own story and tell it to Summer and have what she’s saying even partially align with what Oz told Summer? Just might’ve been enough to make Summer feel like the bad guy herself and convince her to side with her or at least made her feel her efforts were in vain. Maybe she’s naive and is trusting of what she said because it was convincing enough.

OR, Salem could have told her that she was unkillable. She offered her to even try and kill her to prove it, and she does try, but, after seeing for herself that Salem can’t be killed, she just breaks down. Years of training. Years of fighting for what she thought was a solvable problem just thrown out the window because of something Oz had neglected to mention, and instead of Salem killing her, she thinks to utilize Summer’s skill and offers to let her join her side. So, she joins her because she feels like she can’t stop her anyway. Maybe she even does it out of fear. Obviously she can’t go back to Ruby now, and even if she could, she wouldn’t have wanted to drag her into it anyway. (It’s evident from Red Like Roses II that she loves Ruby a LOT.)

The lyrics from Red Like Roses II just keep popping up in my head with this idea though “Wish I could talk to you if only for a minute, make you understand the reasons why I did it” “But baby please don’t do what I did, I don’t want you to waste your life in vain” “You’re not the only one who needed me, I thought you understood”

Which, originally, it made me think she died, regretted even trying because she may have learned about how Salem is unkillable beforehand on her own, and that the others that needed her were Oz and the ones she was trying to protect.

But also, these could be applied to her joining/teaming up with Salem as well. The “reasons why she did it” could be her explaining why she teamed up with her to Ruby so she at least had some closure. She would’ve felt like she wasted her life in vain because she found out Salem was unbeatable (and she uses coercion or manipulates her to join her side. Maybe Salem even lied about Oz a bit.) Maybe she was on her side for a while before she disappeared, but still worked for Oz for Ruby and Yang’s sake. (maybe even Tai and Qrow’s as well. Maybe just to keep her own image up so she could “die a hero” rather than “Live long enough to become the villain.”) If she was on Salem’s side, she’d obviously would need her to do things as well, so she’d set off on “her own” missions. And when she felt the time was right, finally just took off, not being able to keep up working for both sides anymore. Or just not wanting to side with Oz anymore.

Oof.

OR, a more kinda crazy theory, she was brainwashed in some form or another to join Salem, but that seems way less likely.

2. She ran away herself for similar reasons Raven did.

At least, a speculated reason Raven left.

Summer, with her silver eyes, was obviously very important and was a force to be reckoned with, but, what if that pressure got to her like the pressure of being a maiden got to Raven?

We see the pressure of being the team leader practically killing Ruby right now in Vol 7. The weight of the world is on her shoulders right now. (Funny she’s in Atlas, huh? lol.) Summer would’ve been in a similar situation. Oz would be there to direct her on what to do, but he’d obviously would have to have a lot of faith in her. I’d even argue to say that Summer was one of Oz’s best allies because of her silver eyes. That puts a lot of pressure and responsibility on people.

I mean Oz broke the rules for STRQ like he did for RWBY, and I speculate it’s because of the silver eyes that Summer and Ruby have. Its said that those who had Silver eyes were natural born leaders, but I’d argue that it’s the other way around. Oz, knowing of the Silver eyes’ powers, puts them as leaders for the team and essentially forces them to become good leaders. (Or die trying I suppose.)

What if Summer wasn’t as strong as we thought, or as strong as she came off to everyone? Despite the fact that she clearly loved Ruby, (and by extension Yang) what if she had enough?

What if she just wanted a normal life after a while? She obviously was determined to help at first, but what if it started to wear on here after a while and she wanted to stop. She couldn’t because of her importance and responsibility though. She was basically destined to work against Salem. Even if she did try to stop, Oz would obviously convince her to keep trying to defeat Salem, and maybe deep down she really does still want to help, but the pressure inside of her is just building and building with no outlet or vent.

and then one day, she just had enough. Even though she loves Tai and Ruby and Yang, she just can’t take the pressure anymore, and sets off on “her own mission,” leaving her family behind to be in solitude, knowing they wouldn’t want to come with her if she offered/asked them to leave with her. Or maybe she did ask them? Imagine the angst of her asking Tai if they can move like far away and he just being so confused, but catches onto it years after she’s gone. I’ve always felt like Tai wanted the same thing I’m speculating Summer to want here, a normal life with the kids, and he probably fought for it after losing both Raven and Summer. We can assume he knows about the Silver eyes, since Summer was his team mate and the rest of Team RWBY knows as well, and maybe didn’t want Ruby to become a Huntress and definitely didn’t want Qrow to take her on any missions because of it. Maybe he feels like that’s what got Summer killed/to go MIA.

The same heartache pops in my head as in the first theory though either way. She’d be kinda cowardly if that were the case (but still way different than Raven.) We’ve been shown nothing but good about Summer (With the exception that she’s a brat but I mean it’s kinda played as a joke.) She’s portrayed as the loving mother, and to have her abandon her kids and family just doesn’t seem right, but we could’ve been wrong about it. That’s just how everyone remember’s Summer. We never knew what was going on her head, after all. At least not yet.

but, in that case though, why not just run off to where Raven was to at least have an ally or someone who understands? I guess she wouldn’t know where she’s at, but Qrow told Yang where she was, so he would’ve presumably knew where she was back then too. (Rosebird Writers GET ON THIS NOW if you haven’t already cuz I”m sure I’m not the first person to think of something like this. Imagine bandit!Summer LOL.)

3. Summer had a Similar fate to Maria.

(Suicide and gore TW)

What if Summer got her eyes gouged out too? With Maria’s backstory, it was obvious that Silver eyed huntresses/huntsmen were being targeted, presumably by Salem. Summer would be no different. But what if she couldn’t have found her bearings after having her eyes cut like Maria did? What if she couldn’t fight off whoever did it to her and couldn’t survive the fight?

Her mission was more than likely far away from home (and maybe even from civilization) so its probably that couldn’t find her way back home or to civilization even if she survived the fight. Dying alone to starvation or a stray grimm. Or, maybe she did survive and was able to get somewhere afterwards, but maybe didn’t have access to the eye tech Maria did. What if she did the same thing Maria did? Go into hiding basically in shame. Feeling like she wasn’t helpful anymore and wanting to hide from the world.

Maybe it even broke her mentally.

Maybe she couldn’t recover emotionally from the damage even if she had physically, and took her own life afterwards.

“ So soon may I follow, When friendships decay, And from Love's shining circle The gems drop away. When true hearts lie withered, And fond ones are flown, Oh! who would inhabit This bleak world alone? ”

#rwby 7 #rwby 7 spoilers #rwby spoilers #Summer Rose #rwby #rwby speculation #Suicide tw #I feel like I'm cherrypicking lyrics to fit the theory though. I feel like other parts of the song really fit the ''she died'' thing #Maybe she did! and was ressurected by Salem herself #Also the quote's from The Last Rose of Summer #I just saw a lot of sadness in the way Who would inhabit this bleak world alone? was written and oof #to me it felt similar to how someone who was thinking about suicide would feel about it.

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knottahooker · 5 years ago

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It’s so beyond weird to go to a place you used to go to almost every day and feel no connection to it besides stress, annoyance, and a smidge of anger.

Work ramblings behind the cut.

I dropped by my old library today to grab some stuff that an old coworker had from a mutual program we did that I need for when for next month. I was there for almost an hour and a half, grabbing what I needed, talking to old coworkers, and printing some stuff out on their printer since the one at my library doesn’t work right now. I spent ten minutes dodging my old boss. We didn’t part on the best of terms (mostly her fault) and I didn’t want to have to deal with her.

@copperbadge made a post a couple days ago about grieving the job you used to do while you were still technically employed at that job, and it got me to realize that’s what I’d been feeling for months, if not years, at my old job. The people around me had changed, my responsibilities had changed, my boss was getting under my skin in the worst kind of way (and had been for years but I couldn’t shake it anymore, even when I was on vacation or off she stressed me out). I was still technically doing the job I was hired for, but the work environment was so far removed from what it had been when I started that I couldn’t find my way back to enjoying it.

I was burnt out.

I’m at a job now where I’m respected. And liked. We work as a team, we move as a team, and yet I still find myself, even after three months, waiting for my new boss to turn. For the other shoe to fall. Because that’s what I’d been conditioned to expect with my old boss. She was nice nice nice and then something would happen that she didn’t like and it was like she turned into Mr. Hyde.

One of the last interactions I had with her while I was still there was her yelling at me that she “knew how to do her job, do you think I don’t know that?!” after I asked what I thought was a simple question about who was going to do my night shift. In public.

I blindsided my boss when I actually took the job I have now. I know I did. She cried. I didn’t. I couldn’t. Why would I? It wasn’t the job I wanted, it wasn’t the job I’d been doing for years. What was there to cry over? I’d been mourning the loss of a job I still had for probably the better part of three years by that point. Probably more. And I was over it. It had gone from a career I was passionate about doing to a job I went home ranting about every day. There was so much anger and frustration tied up there with no safe outlet and nowhere to go but out. And if she’d seen me today, she would have acted like everything was fine and I don’t think I could have dealt with that without telling her exactly how I felt.

What I’m realizing from this is that my last job (boss) kind of fucked me up.

I think I’m healing, though. This is the first summer in seven years that I haven’t wanted to run screaming into the Everglades and never come out. I'm working on being mindful that I’m in a new situation with a new boss who’s very nice and very understanding. I had a rather frank conversation with one of my coworkers about three weeks into my new position about my boss and how I kept expecting the niceness to be an act. It’s not an act. She’s genuinely a nice person. I’m just now coming to terms with that. I’ve done some reading on getting over bad bosses and the trauma from working under so much stress and negativity for so long. I have more energy at the end of the day, and during the day at work. I don’t mind when people ask me for help because I have the spoons to help them and that’s such a foreign concept to me. I’ve taken one mental health day in the past three months when it used to be at least one a month. I haven’t been sick since April. Because I’m not stressed the fuck out all the time. I don’t dread going to work. I don’t like the hour long commute, but that will change when I move.

I’m more content than I’ve been in a long time.

I’m gonna go cuddle my cat and go to bed.

#work stuff #life stuff

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tudorhqs · 6 years ago

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It’s no secret nor am I ashamed to say that I haven’t been around in the last few months. Although I didn’t originally start Tudors, I did take over as a main admin this summer in the wake of both creative differences and administrative decisions. Being the only admin on board a roleplay I didn’t create terrified me. I wasn’t going to let it die, but I also couldn’t go at it alone. Solo graciously decided to join me on board and for the next few months we navigated this ship ourselves. Unfortunately, in late November I was forced to step away due to a surgery that left me inactive for the next several months. Solo has manned the roleplay essentially since then, and if not for her I am certain Tudors would have died with me. Solo has done so much for Tudors, things onlookers would have no idea about; creatively, she has been a key-player in the time jump we recently instituted, and behind the scenes she’s queued thousands of promos, answered hundreds of questions, and accepted dozens and dozens of applicants, all the while forming a limitless bond with our members in the Discord chat. I have felt so guilty being away from the dash and basically foisting the responsibility on Solo, but I also know that if not for her none of us would be able to flesh out the characters and plots we know and love today. So from all of us here at Tudors: thank you, Solo! Thank you for doing so much for the roleplay as both member and admin. You’ve done a beautiful job and we can’t wait to see what you do next! We love you! –– Xoxo, Mama Claw.

Just under a year ago I found this group and it became a solace for me, an outlet for when it has been the crappiest of days or I just needed to get out of my head for a while, but it has been so much more than just a place to play pretend and write to my heart’s content - that is the beauty of it! Tudors has become an OOC family that feels like more than just a group of writers shit posting about Henry VIII and we owe the fact that it’s still around to you, Solo. In times where life has gotten on top of one admin and another needed a well deserved break for rest, you have stepped up and helped this group to continue to grow even through times of radio silence and we simply couldn’t have done it without you. You are kind, compassionate and so welcoming to both new members and old. Sometimes I find the OOC chat to be overwhelming but I always feel assured to know that you’re always there; ready to be the first person to respond to any and every random message thrown into the group, making us all feel included and wanted. From your creativity, kindness and out of the blue messages to send memes or cry with me over SIX, I feel incredibly fortunate to know and get to write with you in a group that you have nurtured and cared for like a true mama duck! Not to mention getting to share SIX with you in May. I know I’m rambling and forgetting what words even are, but the point is that there is No Way that we could do this without you. Now, Don’t Lose Your Head, but you truly have a Heart Of Stone and it has been your dedication which has grounded us all and given us the ability to Get Down in Tudor court whenever we want. I know All You Wanna Do sometimes is ignore replies and things because they don’t always come easily but I’ll never say that I Don’t Need Your Love-ly muses because they are just as incredible as you are, each and every one of them. –– Lots of love and adoration, Bee.

Dear Solo,

In the past few months that I've been a part of Tudors, I’ve felt at home. Back in December, when I joined, I was a little wary of getting back into the rp game. Bad admins, cliques, and low activity were all still in the back of my mind, and though I was a little suspicious that Tudors would be like that, I was proved dead wrong. Thanks to you, I have always felt welcomed and appreciated as part of the group. And a big part of that is due to you. You’re always the first to like my starter, the first to respond to some shenanigan on discord, always the one to encourage character development and group bonds. You’re a fantastic admin, and I know personally how hard it is to keep up with an rp, especially one so detailed. That’s another thing: you pay attention to every little detail on the main, with other’s characters, and even our own lives. Solo, you should know that you are more than just an admin. You’re a fantastic writer, someone with a big heart and a great sense of humour, and most of all, our Mama Duck. I can’t speak for anyone else, but if Tudors ever decides to start up again, I’ll be there. Hopefully, I get the chance to write more with you. All the best in grad school! –– Lots of love, Mara.

My dearest Solo - I can't tell you enough how much I love you, and on another front, treasure you for all that you have done for Tudors. I've harped on you taking over this rp and how amazing it is for a reason. Its been a year of Tudors, but the moments I think about the most, beyond those wonderful summer days, are those when you fought tooth and nail to keep this place alive. You poured endless love and effort into Tudors, and I don't want you for a second to take it ending for the moment, as an indication of your failure. It is your light, and love, that gave us these wonderful months - that cultivated an environment of collaboration, laughter and joy. There has been no drama, only love and good times - this rp didn't begin as yours, but it will end as yours, because in the end, you gave it a level of devotion and care that is unrivaled. I am so thankful Tudors had you, as an admin, and a wonderful writer - you know much I treasure our plots, whether the lovelorn Charles and Juan, who I will never part from, or the tender relationship between Pip and Sarah - but your characters certainly don't end there. It hurts me too, to let go of Tudors - its spirit isn't gone, neither is a core of supporters and devoted members. But the love and care you put in is only respected and exemplified by a dignified hiatus!

Your pride should be endless, and I will not rest until you love the work you did. Through thick and thin, you never wavered in your efforts to give Tudors its best shot as lasting as a rp - I cannot thank you enough, for making the best rp I've seen in so long, an unforgettable time. But on a personal note - meeting you has brought so much light to my life, and I love you so fucking much. I can lose Tudors, or losing rping - but you ? My tarts are the best thing I've gotten. I love my corn gf with each baguett-y breath I take - and with that said, I know you've got so much on your plate, and I want you to know, I am here in whatever capacity you need. We're an ocean apart, but I am never, ever, too far from you if you need me. You are so good and sometimes I think I'm too much of a gremlin for you! You inspire me to be sweeter and great things with a warmer heart. You are talented, caring, loving, sensitive to those around you, and ferocious in your devotion. Thank you Soleen, thank you corn gf, thank you Solo –– Suki

–– Much love, Admin Claw.

#au revoir.#thank you admin solo!

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sophocused · 6 years ago

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pursuits of 2019 | a 3am ramble

Hi hi don't mind me as I ramble about all the ideas I have floating about my head bc it's the new year and I'm really excited.

tbh actually I think 2019 is the year I wear my clothes that actually show the shape of my body, idk I think, I've been expressing myself well with the colourful clothes, I think a lot of friends associate colourfulness with me now, which is fucking bomb. I dont even remember the days I would wear all black, or all toned down shades. But yeah for 2019, I wanna wear more non-baggy clothing, colourful just the same... I'll probably treat myself to a lil shopping spree sometime late February or mid-March. Ooo or I'll go thrifting againnn sometime then.

As for school that's coming back, thanks to friends I think the textbooks they provided me saves me $250 of textbook money, and I also switched out one of the 2000 psyc courses for anth1210 which I've been told is super easy so I'm gna work hard to get an A+. I also got psyc 2490 which is a more intermediate elective bc ik essays are involved but I really fucking interested in abnormal psychology. Maybe I can learn something about myself. learn how to help others better. how to help myself better. It's an both electives are online courses so oof I need to FOCUS. Dont get sucked into procrastination temptations and also I need to be frequent in talking to and or meeting up with the profs. I just wanna be more involved for once. I wanna show that i care about the course and not just the number being served up to me on my transcript. Bc that's really important to me in order for me to stay trying and giving a fuck about school. I need to see value in what I'm learning. It's not just a way to my degree. It's not just some stepping stone. The content is worth something to me.

So for winter term, I'm probably going to finally learn how to study in public alone. I'll be able to find more spaces too bc I no longer need places with an outlet bc my parents got me a notebook for Christmas that lasts over 10 hours so FUCK YEA it's so light I'm so happy. My back is so happy holy shit. It's going to add LEAGUES of convenience in my day-to-day uni life tbh. Taking it out during class is easy it so smol and it boots up so fast SIGH i didnt even know I wanted one hahahah I didnt think to get myself something like that or save up for it so glad my parents did. But yeah more study spaces means more practice for me to be alone in public man. I still get anxious sometimes. I feel like I'm being watched. 1. I'm more than most likely not bc everyone's doing their own thing. 2. even if they were, their eyes are just wandering like my eyes do when I casually people watch. I gotta train my mind and body dat it's not a big deal.

Anyway, IM LIMITING MYSELF TO SKIPPING NO MORE THAN 3 TIMES per class. Like I swear to god, it's a 3 strikes I'm out typa thing. Maybe I'll put $10 in a thing for everytime I skip, and donate it to a charity or something. Which isn't very good punishment since I'd be doing a good thing aaaa Idk yet. BASTA. No skipping. Fuck. Skipping was the main fucking reason I did ASS in fall term. That and alternating between "I'll do it at school" and "I'll do it when I get home" too often.

Get your head in the fuckin game nina, I dont wanna see another C or B in that transcript. B+ is the bare minimum standard now. Gotta resurrect that GPA.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. My social life is gna suffer a lil. Hi friends who I normally hang out with or see all the time. You will likely only see me once a week 😅 bc ya girl gotta study for her dreams to come true. I wanna ace human phys 2. I wanna ace microbio. I wanna ace anthropology in humanities. I wanna ace abnormal psychology. I wanna get 7 hours of sleep a night at least. I wanna be ahead in my reading. I wanna be up to date with my class notes. I wanna keep all my files organized. All my due dates organized. I wanna be able to work 14 hours a week, 5 days a week, without feeling like it's in the way of my studies and life in general. I wanna be able to see friends at least sometimes, like a lunch date, bc lord knows I've learned that I cant study as much as when I'm alone compared to when I'm with other people.

I'm gonna cook more often at home too, or do something like that, I hadn't cooked since summer bc of how school got, and thanks to my fam for understanding, but I gotta do my part in the house. take initiative. keep laundry folded gdi. I dont like coming home to a room with a mountain of clothes to fold in a corner and a desk where I can barely see my desk. It just drains me. So knowing this, I'm reminding myself the way I like things, where I want things to go, and what I need to do to get them there.

uh ah uh okay something I realized has been extremely apparent for most of 2018. to put it bluntly, I dont see myself as someone other persons could romantically love. Not after christian tbh. before you think it's because I dont like myself, I love myself. I'm so fucking great at loving myself. The thing is, I worked really hard to love myself, and I'm a constant fluctuating work in progress. and thats not even romantically. so, it just feels like that's how it would be if any other person were to try and love me, that's a whole lot of time and effort, and they'd have to want to want to love me in the first place. THAT sounds like I a lotta work. I dont want to put that pressure on anyone??? I think I'm only making half any sense bc another part of me wants to probably say, "ofc there are people who will want to be with u, u acorn". SO I'm gna follow that little voice this year. Last year I shunned it and focused more on platonic love and woo yeah it's so strong, theres nothing stronger.

I'm gna find me a girl. or a mans. depends who I end up meeting first. I know if it's a girl it's tricky bc how do I know if she's into girls too without exposing that I'm trying to find out if she is for the sole purpose of wanting to flirt with her??? I only just recently embraced my attraction in 2018 so it's like... I got no practice in actually flirting with women. I barely have practice flirting with dudes. Anyway ANYWAY, I'm just letting the universe know that if they got someone in store for me in 2019, my arms and mind are open as hell. I'm gna love them so healthily and we gon have such a fulfilling and respectable dynamic. we're gna be so perfectly imperfect bc we gon understand that we're just people and cant be each other's sole source for all kinds of love and energy, that would otherwise be given by many different types or friends and family members even.

WOW I'm really sleepy hmm maybe I'm finally all rambled out.

#01032019 #nina rambles

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rambeautan · 7 years ago

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Miss You Like Crazy

Something I wrote in 2016, and resurrected today for my readers at FF net and A03. A fellow follower pmed me asking if I'm still alive as there's no updates on any of my fanfictions. Well that's because I haven't time to write for weeks/months now. Since I went back to Uni I'm always on breaks from writing. Hope this will suffice moir readers until January 2018 at least.

Summary: SasfemNar. Sasuke's furthering his studies at University, leaving his bestie back in his hometown. Itachi questions his brother's relationship with his best friend and whether they were really, just best friends.

Sasuke folded his handkerchiefs and tucked them into the small spaces between his shirts and pants inside his luggage. He made a mental note to swipe another pair of Itachi's unused leather gloves, patting himself for saving another 3000 yen. He had so far swiped 3 shirts and 2 shorts from his brother, all unworn. His brother model and entrepreneur receives a lot of sponsorship clothings which Sasuke always took advantage of.

Initially he planned to swipe one of Itachi's unused designer jeans, however the fact that his brother was so much taller than him at 180 cm feet compared to his 172 cm deterred him from doing so. He didn't want to alter them himself. Plus his brother's jeans were mostly blue or some other colour variant compared to Sasuke's choice, that would always be and forever be, black jeans.

Over the summer Sasuke had grown about seven centimetres, and since he started following the older Uchiha to the gymnasium his body was more toned and he felt fitter. It was important for him to start a healthy lifestyle before he entered the life of a university student. Sasuke snickered when he realized that his best friend Naruto had only hit puberty a little later than him. He only realized it upon their reunion at New Year's eve. It was the first time he saw his bethorst friend after the summer break. It did not matter to him that they were essentially different physically anyway.

Sasuke spent enough years around Naruto to realize that the dobe's father, Mayor Namikaze Minato and Mrs Konoha 2012, Kushina Uzumaki made a very handsome couple. They were both tall and lanky. Still, Naruto at seventeen had not caught up to either of her parent's height. Naruto was only 168 cm, four cms shorter than him. She was disappointed that she was shortest amongst her peers.

Her peers. Naruto had always thought of herself as one of the boys. She was often teased by their classmate, Sai for that. The insensitive prick also teased her for looking as flat as a plane and was so often unjustly compared with Sakura, who was quite chesty and and Hinata who is, well endowed. Sasuke never needed any of Sai's teasing of his best friend, often dismissing Sai when Sai was being over the top. But Naruto, she sometimes ended trying to flatten the socially inept Sai's nosy nose. In fact any comment from Sai never failed to make the blonde's blood boil.

Naruto who was once an annoyance, but now his best friend forever. Sasuke smiled at how Naruto had wiggled into his life and cemented herself there as his ultimate shadow, silly and crazy Naruto. He glanced at a framed picture of him and Naruto at a school party. He checked out his height contrast as he stood beside the 6 cms shorter tomboy. He chuckled at the thought of him winning over a non existent height competition, between him and Naruto.

"I should give this to you before I forgot… again," Mikoto's voice interjected his son's thoughts. She peered into his room, only half her body showing behind a laundry basket she's holding.

Sasuke got up from the floor where he was packing his things and approached his mother. In the basket on top folded of clothes in the laundry basket were two gray rectangular boxes.

"One is for you and another is for Naruto. Keep it close ok as they've got your names engraved. There's plenty of refillable ink in there until you come home again," he took both boxes and kissed his mom on her temple. Mikoto smiled and then disappeared to her room.

Sasuke glanced at Itachi's room just opposite his room and saw that the door was still closed. He knew his brother had worked the late shift yesterday following his company's fourth outlet midnight sale so he realised that his brother would only be awake sometime around noon.

Sasuke sat back on the floor and opened the box and took out a black stylish pen adorned with silver accents. It had the name Sasuke Uchiha engraved on the body. Sasuke thought he would get his mother something too before he flew out for university tomorrow night. He peered at the other box which held an orange pen adorned with golden accents with his best friend's name engraved on it.

The Uchiha was a close-knit family, but not the kind to say thank you all the time or apologize to each other. They conveyed their thank yous by actions and gestures, and words were only used in very delicate situations. In the rare times that Sasuke used the words, Thank You and Sorry with his family, he freely used those words with Naruto. He did not know why he was more open with Naruto, but it was easier being expressive with his bestie than his family. Maybe because Naruto wore her heart on her sleeve which made things easier for Sasuke. She was the most honest and loyal friend he ever had, though she also had her annoying tendencies.

The house was quiet with Itachi still asleep, and his mom in her room. The Uchiha patriarch had gone to a golf tournament since early morning. Sasuke finding the quietness overwhelming especially with his anticipated travel, took his earphones and tuned to his favourite tunes. Music blasted into his ears as he sorted his remaining clothes to be brought to uni.

_____________________________________

Sasuke finally finished packing, so he zipped up his trolley bag and parked it next to his bed. Next to it was a stack of boxes. Each box labelled: for donation, the address to his campus and also to Naruto. He and Itachi had compiled their old but good clothes to give to Naruto to sell at the Flea market. Naruto liked opening up stalls for extra money, which she spent mostly on ramen and Sasuke.

Sasuke's was about to press skip for the next song in his music playing app when a call came in. He saw the ID and immediately answered.

"Teme," the husky voice blared from his earphones. Sasuke had accepted the call, even before the ring tone had begun. He smirked when he realized how Naruto's voice made his heart all tingly.

"Dobe." Sasuke smiled at his teasing nickname which belonged to their early friendship days.

"You free this evening? Dad wants to give you a studying gift and he wants to meet before you depart…"

"...Ok. What time? I have something for you too, from Mom."

"Be here after lunch."

"Ok."

Sasuke plucked his earphones out and stuffed it into his backpack. He grabbed his towel and headed to the shower as he got a meeting to go to.

After showering at the shared bathroom at the end of the hall, he peered into his brother's opened room door. The elder guy's bed was unmade but his brother was nowhere, so he headed back to his room. He entered and saw that Itachi was picking his face using Sasuke's full length mirror. His brother had always been a bit vain, a kind hearted but certainly vain man.

"How's the preparation going? Do you need to run to the mall for anything, or has raiding my room solved your packing pribles.?" Itachi asked knowingly.

"85 percent solved but I need jeans. Black ones."

Itachi glanced at Sasuke's reflection as the younger sibling started dressing up for lunch. Sasuke wore an indigo shirt paired with dark jeans.

Itachi already knew who his brother was meeting, but he still asked. "Meeting Naruto?"

Sasuke nodded while picking socks from his drawer to match his white sneakers.

"Minato wants to meet me before I depart."

"How's the bestie reacting to you moving away?" Itachi asked as he sat on his brother's bed. Itachi had always known that the two best friends would be separated. He was just curious about how Sasuke was handling it.

Sasuke side eyed his brother. It's a regular question which he cared to answer though it was something Itachi should've known about. "We'll keep in touch. There's a tonne of apps for that."

"What would happen if you found a girlfriend at campus?"

Sasuke paused in his movements, he was raking his hair on the back of his head trying to enhance the spiky locks making it look more gravity challenged. He had his hand hovering in his hair. Noticing that he was almost done with his hair grooming and that he needed to respond to Itachi he dropped his hand for awhile before decided to just ignore the unspoken question in Itachi's words. Not that he needed to confirm with his brother about us love life.

"That's not my main focus being in university," Sasuke answered as he continued to rake his hair upward after the awkward pause. He hated when Itachi was being in a happy relationship, because Itachi was suddenly all sage like in the matters of love. Sasuke could understand the unspoken question about his and Naruto's status as best friends, their close friends wanted them to be more than best friends Sasuke suspected. The problem was that there was no way that the dobe would feel for something like that for him. Naruto was never inclined to like him romantically, Sasuke thought.

"I've got to go. Bring me to the mall tomorrow so I can max out your credit card on things I need." He said as he picked on his white sneakers and exited his room, while also changing the subject.

Itachi laughed and laid back on his brother's bed. He rummaged for his brother's diary which was placed under the mattress and began reading on the boy's daily rants about life, aspirations and anecdotes. Sasuke knew about his brother's intrusive habit, but he didn't care. Itachi wasn't one too share his daily ramblings about how raising his brother's wardrobe was better than shopping on his own anyday.

Sasuke smirked as he saw from the corner of his eye, that Itachi did not bother to leave his room even without him being there. He had ranted enough in the diary about his brother to rile his brother a bit, and also an appreciation note for his only sibling. It was his way of making his brother know about his unspoken feelings.

As he swiped his mom's car keys and wallet. He thought about his unspoken feelings for his best friend. Words that he was not brave enough to confess, and not even write about. He may have written about hints of his fondness towards Naruto for Itachi to read, which eased his thoughts a bit. Something which sat uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach, which made his heart bloom but his mind in turmoil. His mixed feelings about what he wanted from Naruto, maybe not now, but maybe in the future.

#my fic #naruto fanfiction #sasunaru #sasufemnaru #naruto gendebend #naruto uzumaki #naruko uzumaki #sasuke uchiha #itachi uchiha

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pepperstrawberry · 7 years ago

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I know nothing about MtG but am interested in what got you into it.

I orignally got into it ages ago. Like sometime between ‘Alpha’ and ‘Revised’ (1993-95ish) I’m not totally sure to be honest. At the time, a friend would way too often kick my butt and it would be more frustrating then fun. So I ended up beinb burned out on it (add in the fact that I could rarely buy new cards… that didn’t help at all either)

(fun fact: I do not remember at all putting lands in front of creatures back then, and am still surprised others did that and still do if they are old enough players)

So for years, I basically steered clear of wasting my time with the game (which given some of the history I’ve learned since, I kinda wish I didn’t. *shrugs*

Sometime around 2006-8 I got into a comedy group called Loading Ready Run. They are based in Victoria, BC, Canada and had started even before Youtube was a thing. I have NO clue how I got into them. Just that they were fun to watch.

Anyhoo, at Pax in 2010, they ended up getting some demo decks in their swag bags. It inspired them to make a silly vid about it:

youtube

It went on like that. Between this and a handful of other vids, Wizards of the Coast got in contact with them, and things built from there. They started a series called ‘Friday Nights’. (A chronological playlist can be found here, save the most recent, but I’m sure you can find it when you get to the last on the list XD )

Now, a thing you have to understand about me, is that few things are from one source or layer.

In the summer of 2014 (the summer of hell), many pieces of my life came together and I realized I was a trans woman. This exasperated some stresses, created new ones, and…. yeah. I mean, great to find something new about yourself, but… yeah.

Oct of that same year, I moved out of my aunts place. And while there was a temp reprieve from the stress, things caused it to mount again.

The only things at the time that made me happy was the little bit of RP I was doing at the time (which is where Evie came from, the character that would cause the Minis to become a thing), hanging with my girlfriend @silvercrossfox (who wasn’t yet my girlfriend, but was very supportive of me. someday I will repay all the wonderful things she has done for me through some of my darkest times) and watching LLR and their good stuffs.

Nearing the summer of 2015, I was getting anxious and seriously depressed. I needed some kind of group of friends or creative outlet that was away from my home. I was going to look into getting back in to DnD (or the like) and what not. There are two game shops in town, one is… not the best, but the other was really like a whole in the wall, but in the best of ways.

Like Cheers, but for magic. XD

Around that time, the Friday Nights were really starting to get to me (again in the best of ways) and I finally started to look up things to figure out how to get back into the game.

Thanks to LLR, as well as the Professor (Tolarian Community College on Youtube), I was able to get some supplies together by my birthday, June 25th.

On the night before, I had learned about one of the coolest characters in magic (and there are many, have no doubt):

What made me excited about her? She is the first absolutely CANON Trans woman in magic lore. (I have heard there -might- be some other trans characters, but it’s mostly either hints or fan spec at best)

So here I am at the ‘Comics FTW’ on Santa Rosa Av on my birthday. I had sleeves, a deck builder kit, a precon Fate Reforged deck (the jeskai one), a deck box (the purple one that has been seen in some of my collection shots. it has served me well for over 2 years now.), and a blank playmat (still in fairly good condition too). Sadly, it was like a Wednesday? (looks at calendar) Thursday. There isn’t much action on a Thursday. But one of the regulars showed up and we chatted for a while We even talked about Alesha. It was great.

At the end of the conversation, he actually handed Alesha to me. My first MTG gift, my first MTG friend, and it’s this card.

My entire collection could burn (yes, even my Kaladesh Inventions Sol Ring), But this is the card I will hang on to.

From there, my appreciation for magic grew.

Learning about Tarikir, getting into my first draft and opening a Deathmist Raptor (as sadly later selling it T3T ), my first prerelease with ‘Origins’ (the sorta soft reboot of the lore). Discovering more favorite characters like the lady walkers of the origins 5 (Chandra and Nissa, Gruulfriends and Temurmaids for life! XD ), finding both the stories and art have grown from the early days.

Even if I could only read the stories and check out the art, I would still be hooked on this game. And now, I have become a part of this Tumblr community.

It’s not my primary thing on this blog, but one of the main things that I do post about and I love interacting with everyone. While there are still some toxic folks out there, much of the community is welcoming, supportive, and full of good vibes and love.

And so, here I am. X3

Magic is a game you don’t NEED in your life, but your life can certainly be enriched by it.

I know i’ve told this story before. But it’s still fun to tell it. XD

Right now, I”m in the process of getting some mats and tokens going for folks that want them, because magic and minis are a thing that go together really well, don’t you think? (still waiting on an update from Inked Gaming and as soon as the first two designs are up, I will be linking them X3)

And while my magic funds have taken a hit in the short term, it’s this community here that has helped me get a start on making my art do something for me beyond random silly doodles.

I think at this point I’m just rambling. But yeah, that’s how I got in, and that is why I stayed.

#minis #realmofthemadtrolls #personal origins #Alesha who smiles at death #magic the gathering #why i play

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whowantscupcakes · 7 years ago

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Hello, all two of my followers! I mostly use Tumblr as an outlet for my weirdest meme choices...but lately I have found a higher purpose for it.

Here is a little background info...

I am 33 years old, i have a daughter who is 9. 2 years ago her dad moved away, it was a welcome move, we had been broken up for 2 years already and he was living in my apartment with me. Very problematic. He moved several states away and I was thrilled. However, my work schedule didn't lend itself to a single parent lifestyle. My daughter went with him. I had her for the summer last summer and then she came this summer to stay for the school year (my life is a little better and my work schedule jives with her school schedule).

Anyway, I was noticing things about her. She just didn't care to go outside and play with other kids this summer. She only wanted to be on her tablet. Her speech was lagging and regressing, she sounds like a 5 year old more often than she sounds like most 9 year olds. She would go through phases where she wouldn't be able to hold utinsels, one day she woke up for one of her first days of school and she couldn't fasten a button to save her life.

I'm a smart person. I am a little nerdy even. It's shocking that I've never in my 33 years bothered to look up anything about autism. So I start doing research. What I found will amaze you...click here for more! Haha...

Anyway...i found that many, MANY of my weird traits can be linked to autism spectrum disorder. Wow. Like...wow wow. I'm 33, aren't people diagnosed with autism when they are kids? How could I have not noticed this until now? How could my mother, who went to nursing school when I was a child, have overlooked this? Of course my daughter, who already is just like me, fits the mold. We both have a really hard time relating to people and being social. We have a hard time communicating our feelings. We both feel like aliens surrounded by all these normal regular humans. Out of place. Weird.

When I first started this journey, I had weird feelings about self dx-ers. That means someone who self diagnoses themselves as being on the spectrum. I did not feel like they were legit. Like a formal diagnosis is the only way you should be able to say you are on the spectrum. I now see that a lot of people self diagnose and while some may be wrong, a large portion of them do all of their homework and documentation and statements from other neurotypical (aka "normal") people who have known you for a while. My partner, Frank, has been a huge resource for me in my journey. I can ask him things about my behavior that I wouldn't notice myself. For instance, there have been a number of changes in my speech in the last several years, but lots of noticable changes in the last 10 months! I went to visit my daughter for her birthday in March, her dad had been causing me stress for months prior to that with odd threatening text messages and breaking promises that she would be coming to live with me permanently after the summer...i had my suspicions that things were not okay with him, and while I don't love him that way anymore it still caused me an immense amount of stress to know that the parent in charge of my child was basically unable to be meeting her needs. However I was not in a position where I could have taken her back home with me.

Anyway, I got confirmation from her dad through a whole lot of personal conversations he put me through...he was not doing good and when I came back from that vacation I was noticeably different. Although I didn't even notice it.

Since then I have started to stutter sometimes and I will frequently blank out and completely lose my train of thought midsentence. It's happened a few times even during this post. I am sorry if I sound rambly and it's hard to follow.

So what is next for me? I am still working on accepting my diagnosis as it is a self-dx right now, I am aware that it can be hard to get a formal diagnosis as a high functioning adult. I am not a different person with a new disorder...i have always had autism. It just now explains all of those weird things. I really honestly thought that adults just walked around in pain all the time about everything and never knew how to talk to each other.

What sucks is that now I am more aware of how I move and talk and stuff...anf I'm becoming more aware that it's just not "normal" and I don't know what to do about that. I don't want to keep trying to pass as neurotypical, but I'm not ready to "come out" at work as a person with autism. I work in a factory and it can be noisy but we have to wear earplugs and I double up on them (plugs and muffs) and the lights are only as annoying as regular florescent lights. Which I don't like but I can handle (most places of employment would have florescent lights anyway). I get left alone and I don't have to talk to people. It's perfect. I don't need to socialize so I don't even need to tell people at work. But I still feel like it is something I want to keep secret like people would treat me differently if they found out.

If you stuck around and read all of this I applaud you. I wanted to try and get my feelings out somewhere. It feels so good to find other people out there in the world like me. I am not alone. I am not just weird. I am one week into my self-dx process.

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thefrostfalgar · 7 years ago

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Sun and Water and You (Kidlaw Fic)

Hi, so as you may know, there’s these blogs who held Kidlaw vs Kilguin summerfest event, @kidlawproject and @kilguin. So here is my submission for the Week 1: “Sun and Water” theme.

This story is dedicated to Lena, who listened to my crazy midnight ramble about the idea. Special thanks for @cucuxumusu and @stitchesandstockings for betaing and correcting it (: and thanks to @ramesari too for slapping some sense to my skull lol. thanks babies!

Alright, onto the story!

Law stared at the reflection of the rising sun on the lapping waves in front of him. A vast ocean that he had dared call home for the past two years or more. Law had lost count. He wasn’t sentimental enough to remember occurrences at their exact time. That was Shachi’s specialty, throwing parties on important dates, like “the first time they met”, “the anniversary of The Polar Tang”, and many other things like birthdays and happiest moments of their life. Law, on the other hand, had a bitter enough past to make the choice to leave memories where they belong, and instead to focus on the present and the future.

Like the forthcoming reunion with another Supernova Captain, Eustass Kid.

While Law helped stage this reunion, making sure that it would happen, he didn’t come entirely voluntarily. In fact, it was due to Penguin’s endless pestering that Law managed to get his ass off the submarine, and onboard a smaller boat with two of his men to venture onto the summer island where the meeting was set to take place. He still had some thoughts that made him want to stay away from the place that he was about to visit, and the man that awaited him there.

The faint smell of salt and algae was starting to become less comforting, and more nauseating as his small boat approached its destination. Meanwhile the Summer Island was starting to appear on the horizon. A small lump at first, then gradually growing in size, allowing him to see a Marine Boat unlike the ones he had encountered before. The colors were all reversed, and there were flags decorated with pirate jolly rogers. Law was sure that it was once a Marine battleship. The size was large enough to fit at least a battalion of them, but given the color and the jolly rogers, Law wasn't afraid of the possibility of marines. In fact, he might have a good guess to whom that ship belonged.

After a while, the small boat anchored on the sandy shore- just next to the battleship- and Law hopped to firm ground , and walked directly towards an orange haired man that sat on a lump of what was once a coconut tree.

“Drake-ya,” Law spoke for the first time since he had left the winter island where his submarine was docked. he cleared his throat before continuing. “What are you doing here?”

“Making sure that this island is protected,” the orange haired Supernova answered calmly.

“By marking it with Kaido’s flag?” he asked again not bothering to make an effort to conceal his disgust. “This is an abandoned summer island. No one is going to attack, or harbor their ship on this island. You’re wasting your time.”

“Maybe. Or maybe Eustass Kid’s prison break is such a huge event on Master Kaido's base, that he sent people to search for him,” Drake retorted, his eyes never leaving Law’s as he continued, “I’m just making sure that everyone knows that I got this island covered, and they won’t come to search for him here.” he stated coldly, and as though it were fact.

Law sighed, silently hating Drake for suggesting that he was being paranoid and stressed. It always irritated him that Drake’s eyes always made it past his façade, making him feel like he was exposed for the world to see, while truthfully, only Drake could read him that well.

“That’s very kind of you, Drake-ya,” he whispered, his tone enough to hint his regret and thanks without direct words.

The ginger nodded. “Don’t mention it. Eustass Kid is important to the mission,” he replied. “The man’s awake. I thought you might want to know.”

“Yeah,” Law gripped his nodachi tighter. “I know.”

The tattooed surgeon didn’t even bother to say goodbye and just walked away, his head filled again with images of Eustass Kid. The last time he had seen the redhead, he had been hurt, some wounds could even be categorized as mortal injuries. He could remember the horrifying moment when he had checked on Kid’s barely conscious body, he had hardly been able to speak as he announced Kid’s maladies one by one for Shachi to record. Terrible dehydration, malnutrition, severe concussion, internal bleeding, almost every single nail broken, three ribs fractured, several cuts from dull edged sword, bruises and burns … the list had been long. He remembered too the serious operation that had followed, one that had required his full concentration and the energy of his Ope Ope power. Only after the beeping monitor sound had stabilized, and Kid’s breathing had grown more even, did Law manage to think again. The shock of having Kid under his intensive care once again had made Law pack his bags and leave the island- after asking some of his subordinates to stay and make sure to take good care of the other supernova captain. He hadn’t bothered to cross the strait to check up on the red head again. Not until today.

Law couldn’t think of the words to explain his departure. Aside from cowardice, but that wasn’t exactly the right word. He wasn’t afraid, he wasn’t traumatized. He was old enough, and had seen enough to not be weakened by such things.

No, He had simply needed space to think, and being around a bleeding, dying man was not a good place for that, although, the submarine was not exactly a great place either. The silence he found there was an uncomfortable one, he could almost see the questions in the eyes of his crew every time he entered a room. Nobody dared to ask him about Eustass Kid, or why Law’s enthusiasm for freeing the other captain had quickly lessened once he got the man in his hands.

That was a silence he could welcome. It was better than to stay by Kid’s side, silently admitting that his heart was breaking in the same way as when he had found Corazon lying injured with bullet holes scattered across his body. Any kind of silence was better than admitting even to himself, that he wasn’t ready to relive that kind of horror. Law couldn’t stand the thought of losing the man he cared about. Not now, after he just avenged Cora’s death. Not again.

He sighed, dismissing those thoughts as he arrived at the abandoned castle in the small open space in the heart of a forest. It was covered enough behind bushes and trees, and even if nature couldn’t protect it, Law had his men and Eustass’ crew guard the inside and around the castle. When he got out of the forest, he saw Penguin jump from his seat beside Killer and come to greet him with a mixture of happiness and relief. Shortly followed by the little bird blurting out every single detail of Kid’s medical progress, and all the things Kid had said he would do if he couldn’t see Law right there and right now. Law only smirked on the detailed threats. Those sounded like Kid. Maybe he was indeed getting better after all.

“You should have just let him try,” Law spoke. “I’m pretty sure they were only idle threats. He could barely move, for heaven’s sake.”

“They didn’t sound like it,” Penguin murmured.

Law turned to Killer who was watching them silently from under his bangs. “You’re fine, Killer-ya?”

“Better than Kid,” Killer replied. “But I also have a better nurse.”

Penguin hissed “anesthesia specialist” at the blond, while Law smirked and left the couple to walk towards the east side of the castle, into the abandoned glass house where Kid had requested to be, if Penguin’s report was anything to go by.

When he arrived to the site, Law saw Kid sitting on his bed, with his hand holding on a clear glass of water from the bottle that sat on table beside him. Just right near the table, Kid’s prosthetic arm was laid on the side of his bed near Law’s medical tools. The Supernova captain stared at the old, nearly shattered ceiling glass that let in the light of the rising sun, and for a rare moment, Law witnessed a calm Kid. It didn’t suit him, but Law liked it regardless. It was a good change from seeing him in absolute mayhem.

Without speaking any words, Law walked towards Kid, who turned his head and smiled brightly.

“Thank fuck you’re here,” the redhead croaked, his voice still raspy. Law was informed that he had woken the day after his operation, but Kid still sounded as broken as the first day he had talked to Law in between the havoc of his rescue. “I was gonna wreck this island so they would let me see you. Fucking minions of yours. They’re just as persistent as my men.”

Law ignored Kid’s sentences. Part of him was relieved that the man was as lively as always. “Please tell me it’s not Vodka you’re drinking.”

“Have you gone blind? It’s water, dumbass,” Kid let out a painful-sounding laugh. “Like hell I would drink any of that shit right now. I had enough of that stuffed into me while I was in that stupid giant’s prison.”

Law gritted his teeth, very irritated that Kid talked about his capture in such a nonchalant manner, as if he didn’t matter to Law. As if Killer didn’t plead for his captain’s life in exchange of his, but just as expected, Kid was like a child; acting out his pride as if he would win One Piece by acting tough, and blunt- he was a child when it comes to understanding feelings. A fault that Law deeply wished to change. If only he could surgically implant emotional intelligence into someone’s body.

“How do you feel?” Law asked, trying to change the subject into the usual doctor-patient talk. He had always been a doctor, this things came easy at him. Being an ally, however, was another story.

“I’m good, man. There’s sun, there’s water, and there’s you. It’s perfect. Now I finally have an outlet to fucking lash out at for the stupid things you made your minions do to me,” Kid replied before drinking what remained of his glass. Law couldn’t help but notice that Kid indeed look healthier than before. Being annoying is such great progress from being… well.. dying. “And by the way, if you’re gonna pull that shit where you ask me what the fucking year is it and what I remember, then fuck off. The little asshole Killer’s fucking already asked hundreds of times and I can’t fucking take it anymore.”

Law smiled hesitantly. “I won’t,” he said as he checked Kid’s medical aids. Everything had been changed perfectly. His recovery was very swift, as usual, a fact that threw Law’s memory back to when Kid’s hand was disfigured not so long ago. Both times Kid had endured mortal injuries, and both times, he had recovered quicker than any man should, as if he was some kind of miracle being. “You recover very quickly and there haven't been any complications. Penguin’s report was pretty clear about it.”

“Is that so?” Kid murmured. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

It was said in a laid back manner, but the tone still managed to make Law freeze on the spot. He glanced at Kid who stared back with irritated amber eyes demanding an honest answer. Law always forgot that even though Kid acted like a hot headed child most of the time, he had some sharpness within his thick skull. After all, he didn’t become a captain by choice. He had gained his position on his ship and in the sea. Kid wasn’t a supernova with a high bounty by chance.

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” Law finally managed to state defensively.

“Then why the fuck did you leave the island once you drugged me and covered me with your medical shit?”

“I simply needed to think.”

“About what?”

“You,” Law replied in a sharp tone. “The whole situation with your imprisonment. Your injuries, both from this torture, and from the past times that you made me heal. I was thinking about whether you’re worth my time, because for all I remember, we have made a promise to be strong together. We have made a promise to defeat everything and everyone in our respective way, and to retreat when we have to in order to win and make our way through it. So that we can still come out as winners.”

Law clenched his fists and grit his teeth before taking a deep breath to continue.

“And then here you are, charging towards Kaido even though you knew you had no fucking chance. Here you are, spitting blood to Kaido and you have yourself being tortured… presumably to death, if I hadn’t gotten you out. So pardon me that I’m not around to deal with the consequences of your recklessness for the second time in two years. I needed to think about this. About why am I the only one who’s fucking holding his end of our deal. I can’t help to think that maybe, maybe you just comfort me with lies about getting to the end of this together while truthfully, you don’t give damn about getting out alive when it comes to that. What you did is not different to what he did to me.”

Law’s voice dissolved into a faint echo, and finally was swallowed by complete silence. Kid stared at him with his gaze never losing its fierceness, while Law’s words hung in the cold morning air between them like a dark omen. Kid rose what should have been an eyebrow. He blinked twice at Law, and finally stifled a snicker, clearly amused by Law’s words.

Law turned his gaze from Eustass, feeling humiliated as his chuckles grew into a loud laughter that reverberated on the glass house. His voice was so loud, so broken that Law swore that Kid could shatter what’s remaining of the old glass with his voice alone.

“What the heck, Trafalgar,” Kid said. “I knew being in an alliance with a crew like the Strawhats would soften you.”

“Fuck you, Eustass.”

“No, fuck you!” Kid exclaimed. “That wasn’t what we promised, Trafalgar. We promised to make it till the end of this pirate game to see each other on the finish line, no matter who came out as king. We promised to bet on everything we got to make it to the end of this ocean. We promised to make a huge name for ourselves, to be twice as strong as our worst enemies. We made a promise to be strong, not to be fucking together. So I’m not doing what he did. I’m not breaking promises about being together because there was never one.”

Law glared at him.

“So any of this, between us, it’s just a game to you?” Law gritted his teeth, keeping himself from screaming again. If he could say one thing about himself, it was that he wasn’t some stupid man who would lose his composure for a second time. “I don’t know why I’m even surprised. Everything is just a game for a child like you.”

“For fuck’s sake, Trafalgar, don’t put words in my mouth,” Kid gritted his teeth, hand gripping his glass tightly, Law could almost hear it cracking under his monster grip. “We didn’t agree to be in that kind of relationship. Because you know what? It consumes us, Trafalgar. It weakens us. Can’t you see?”

“Explain.”

Kid sighed, he glanced at the bottle on the table, staring at it until the bottle with its metal base flew towards him and tilted, filling Kid’s glass with more water. Kid tried to fly the bottle back to the table, but somehow, he lost his concentration and it fell to the floor. Law shambled it with a piece of cork that laid on the table, preventing the glass from shattering.

Kid grinned. “Your power is always a convenient one.”

Law slammed the end of his nodachi to the floor and gripping it tightly, ignoring Eustass’ attempt to lessen the tension between them. “Explain,”

Kid downed his drink, before turning his attention back to Law. “This has been fun, Trafalgar, but we were kidding ourselves by making such stupid promises about being invincible. About being a strong pair, that nobody has to re-live the despair of losing each other. We were making fun of ourselves when we started… this, whatever this is. We should stick to the one time thing. We shouldn’t make it too personal between us.”

Law waited until Kid’s words was disappearing into the silence of the forest. For a short while, nobody dared to speak. There was only the sound of birds chirping outside.

“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t,” Law finally broke the silence. “You’re clearly too stupid, and too selfish to share in this kind of bond. It’s always has to be a one man show for The Great Eustass Captain Kid. I should have known when I heard that you refused to retreat to save your crew. I was foolish to think that you would honor our alliance.”

“Goddamn it, Trafalgar! Why can’t you fucking see?” Kid growled. “This… bond, or whatever, it weakens us. Just listen to yourself. You go all sappy when you said… nah, you swore that you would be so strong, you wouldn’t let yourself be affected by defeat. You swore that if bad things happen, you would just shrug it off. You did when I lost this arm, but now... I don’t fucking see you shrugging shit off. You’re making a fuss of me being beat up by some big bad.”

“We are supposed to be allies that have each other’s backs until we reach our goal. How would you have my back when you’re busy dying?” Law gritted his teeth. “When you know you have no fucking chance, you should have retreated so you didn’t let that big bad beat you up until you nearly died and left me on my own.”

Once again, words hung in the air as Law realized how the last part might sound to Kid. Again, Law wished that he could surgically modify intelligence so that Kid didn’t realize his slips. The other man narrowed his eyes at Law, confirming that he did understand what Law meant. “This isn’t even about us, is it?” he hissed. “This is about him. You let his death affect you again. Did seeing me be beat up by some big bad guy remind you of his death? Was my bloody body a reminder of the moment you saw his?”

Law could feel his hands shaking from anger, Images flashing in his mind, showing two injured bodies that he cared about side by side, despite the memories coming from two different times. He wanted to let go of those images, to erase them, but he couldn’t and one of those bodies was still alive, right in front of him, mocking his grief.

Law finally turned his gaze back to Kid, grey eyes laced with venom as he blurted out. “Will you not feel anything, Eustass,” anger so thick in his voice Law could barely conceal it. “If it were me who thrashed in shock, screaming in pain from losing a limb? If it were me who laid unmoved, suffering from malnutrition, dehydration, broken ribs, and a lot of internal bleeding?”

“Maybe I would, but we both know that I shouldn’t,” he replied, in a softer tone but just as intimidating. “And you wouldn’t feel anything too, if we didn’t let ourselves be stupid enough to act like some lovesick teenager, I wouldn’t feel anything too. I wouldn’t have you haunting me while I was on the edge of life and death, haunting me while I was being tortured. You think watching people die in front of you is torture? You know nothing of this world.”

Law clacked his nodachi out of its sheath, glaring at Kid but giving him chance to explain himself.

“This… You… it weakens me too. I was about to die in that damn giant’s cell. I was sure that that was it for me. The torture… the pain… I was finally getting used to them. I made peace with my fate. I was sure that I could die peacefully, that Killer and the guys would avenge Kaido, perhaps with a better plan, or that, finally, they would give up on piracy. I have made peace with both- but then I thought of you, of the times we spent together. The thought of those moments prevented me from dying. I couldn’t have died even if I wanted to. My mind persisted in keeping me in that torture. I couldn’t think straight with the thought of you, I couldn’t think of my own breakout. I was trapped in my helplessness. Being stuck in that pain was nothing compared to the fact that you slipped into my mind and shut my only way out of it. It was the worst. The could have been and should have been. The ghost of you.”

Law closed his eyes, trying to understand Eustass’ pain. His longing of the happier past, his craving for getting out of the pain of torture, and his helplessness to get out of the situation.

“For the first time since I sailed out, I felt helpless, and I don’t like it. This feeling shouldn’t exist, Trafalgar. We were supposed to have fun with this, not letting each other in too deeply and making each other weak in the process, because this is what happens when you let someone get into you. I can handle alliance. I can handle being fuck buddies, or whatever you want to call it. But not… that. I don’t want you to replace him, Trafalgar. I’m not him, and you don’t fucking need me the way you needed him,”

The fact that Kid nearly whispered while saying those words slowly did not lessen their weight as they stabbed Law’s gut. He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry as realization of what happened to Kid dawned on him.

“I mean just look at you right now. You’re weak. You can’t even face your patient. You chose to hide in your submarine because you were afraid of seeing me, because I remind you of him. Isn’t that enough proof that whatever we had was the fucking bane of our existence?”

Kid looked tense and distressed, until Law could hear the faint sound of metal moving towards Kid. Hell, even his life support was starting to beep uncontrollably, not only of the increase of his heart rate, but also as a reaction to his magnetic power. Law stared at the redhead in annoyance, his hand gripping his nodachi even tighter.

“No, you’re wrong. Your misunderstanding is the bane of our existence, Eustass-ya,” he huffed. “You blamed this on your incompetence to understand the situation. You blamed me for your incompetence to process what happened to you. You’ve wasted your time thinking excuses to break things off between us and have hoped that I will take them just like that, but those reasons, they are so stupid I wonder who will cringe harder if they hear it. Strawhat-ya, or Zoro-ya.”

Kid clenched his fist. “Is that so,” he growled. “Then, tell me, Doctor, what happened with me? What is this fucking process that I can’t fucking understand?”

Law rolled his eyes. “You were merely protecting your mind,” he answered, in a softer tone. This started to getting really clear for him, what happened to Eustass, to them. They’re not breaking apart. Kid was merely confused, clueless of his own thoughts and Law’s actions. Sure, some of his words may have some truth with it, but anger and fear does that to people, and Kid wasn’t the only one who was mean that day. “Your mind chose a random memory, the happiest, to protect itself from fatal trauma that will damage your brain and lead you to insanity. Which was inevitable, if what Drake-ya said about how bad Kaido tortured you was true. You might have accepted your death, because at that time, it was obvious. You couldn’t think straight because it was part of the torture to make you completely insane,” the raven haired captain let out a broken smile, heart shattering with the knowledge that this strong man, with a mental state so amazing, could be tortured into madness. Law could only imagine the kind of pain he had suffered, the demons that had been born inside Kid’s mind while he was there, and the fear that had imprinted in his brain without him even being aware of its existence.

Law wished that he could surgically modify personality and memories in one’s mind. Maybe if he tried enough…

“You said that so you can stay now, did you?” Kid asked, sounding less sure than before. The beeping sound from the malfunctioning life support was also slowing down into a more normal rate. “Is this one of your mind games? Your clever scheme? You dare to use that on me?”

Law shook his head. “It is not. I was merely stating your diagnosis. I am your doctor after all.”

Kid looked like he had been hit by a club, hard. He furrowed his nonexistent brows. Law could roughly guess Kid’s mental process towards his words just by watching his face alone. “I need to think.”

“You do,” he said. “And I will stay away from you so I won’t confuse you or mess with your head in any way.”

Kid stared at Law suspiciously, but nodded regardless. Law smiled and kissed Kid’s temple. He was prepared for Kid pushing him away refusing the loving gesture, but he let Law do it and kissed Law’s knuckles back.

Before Law left, however, he made a room and shambled himself with two bodies of eavesdroppers whose heartbeat had been bugging him since he arrived. “Guys, since you both are here now, I guess it’s only normal for me to ask for a change of shift to keep an eye on Eustass now, is it?” he yelled to the blushing Penguin and Killer, who landed on their asses upon the surprise shamble. The last thing he heard before he was completely left was Kid yelling, “YOU TWO HAD BEEN EAVESDROPPING ALL THIS TIME?”

Days had passed since the day they last spoke to each other. They passed rather quickly, with Law planning the best attacks to weaken Kaido with the help of Drake’s secret information. When the Strawhat crew finally confirmed that their captain was on the way to Wano, Law was more prepared than when he had been about to face Doflamingo. He had planned a revenge to make sure Kaido paid for what he had done to Kid.

The surgeon was spending his morning shoulder deep in a calm watered cove, letting sun warm his face and seawater take his energy so he could relax and think more clearly, when he heard the water splash behind him. Law turned around to see Kid getting into the water with his pants as his only clothes. He had discarded his boots somewhere, or he had just walked here bare foot.

“A devil fruit user thinking in the ocean?” Kid spoke, his voice filled with humour. “What a brave one you are, Trafalgar.”

“Your injuries will sting if you get them in saltwater,” Law spoke without turning his back to the man standing behind him. “Not to mention infection, and that you will also lose your energy in saltwater, and delay the healing process.”

“I’m fine,” Kid retorted, mouth stretched into a ferocious grin as he closed a remaining bit of their distance and hugged Law from behind, kissing his tattooed shoulder. “I’m done thinking.”

If Kid’s soft pecks were anything to go by, Law was sure that the younger captain didn’t come all the way there to fight another round with him. He smirked as he turned around, only to be welcomed by Kid’s impatient kisses. “And?”

“And I guess we were both right,” Kid answered, lips never stopping in their search of a part of Law’s face that he hadn’t explored with his lips. “You were right, those things I said, they were mostly the product of the torture, playing tricks with my mind. When my injuries were all healed, I think of it less and less every time. I think I was just confused.”

Kid stopped on his lips, pecking some light kisses with a light brush of his tongue that made Law purr in joy. Clearly, he still has something in mind. “And?”

“And I think I was right too,” Kid continued. He stopped his assault to pause and stare at Law right on the eyes. “About you slowly putting me in Corazon’s place, and dragging me to believe that you are as important to me as he is to you. I’m not saying it’s not true nor that I don’t want that. I’m just saying that… I fucking like you. And judging from how you act right now, I guess you think the same of me. Shouldn’t that be enough for now?”

“Yeah,” Law chuckled softly. “Wow. How could you think of such words? Did Killer-ya put those thoughts inside your head?”

“Hey, contrary to popular belief, Killer isn’t my mom taking care of me. I can think for myself too.”

Law smirked. “I know, and I agree. This is indeed enough. This has to be more than enough, and I guess you were right too, about Cora’s death still affecting me, but you were also wrong about one thing. This doesn’t weaken us,” Law whispered. “This... alliance, it strengthen us. Without this, I wouldn’t be able to pull the risky, but effective tricks to free you from Kaido. Without this, you would have been tortured to insanity by now. We are stronger this way, Eustass. We…”

Kid silenced Law with one of his kisses again, deeper this time, with a brush of tongue and well, a lot of it. Law followed along with Eustass’ hungry pace, until he knew what the bigger captain trying to do. He pulled away, frowning at Eustass.

“Let me finish you, brute.”

“Nah, don’t wanna hear some preaching about things that I already know,” Kid replied, lips stretched into wolfish grin. “Besides, why talk when we can do better things with our mouths?”

The older man chuckled, a genuine laugh that Kid barely noticed as he pulled Law closer with one hand, kissing him as he had been craving ever since they had that argument in the glass house. What started as soft pecks grew deeper, hungrier. Teeth clanking as they fought for dominance, tongues dancing and hands wandering, to search for a way to close the distance between them, inch by inch until there was none. They continued to savor each other’s taste, breath, and smell, relieving themselves of the pressure caused by each other’s absence.

They only broke apart when they were finally out of breath, panting hard while laughing and enjoying each other under the bright sun. Kid’s complexion was shimmering gold with the help of the morning sun and the sea water that lazily splashed around them.

“Sun and water and you,” Law whispered. “Perfect.”

Kid smiled, a gesture that added a more beautiful effect to his face, hooking Law fully into the red head’s charm.

“Oh, one more thing though,” Kid suddenly said, his smile turning into a frown as his thought surfaced to his face, ruining the moment as usual. “What happened between you and X-Drake?”

#kidlaw #eustass kid #trafalgar law #kidlawvskilguin #onepiece #hint of drakexlaw #drakexlaw #kid x law

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nedsvallesny · 6 years ago

Text

When Security Researchers Pose as Cybercrooks, Who Can Tell the Difference?

A ridiculous number of companies are exposing some or all of their proprietary and customer data by putting it in the cloud without any kind of authentication needed to read, alter or destroy it. When cybercriminals are the first to discover these missteps, usually the outcome is a demand for money in return for the stolen data. But when these screw-ups are unearthed by security professionals seeking to make a name for themselves, the resulting publicity often can leave the breached organization wishing they’d instead been quietly extorted by anonymous crooks.

Last week, I was on a train from New York to Washington, D.C. when I received a phone call from Vinny Troia, a security researcher who runs a startup in Missouri called NightLion Security. Troia had discovered that All American Entertainment, a speaker bureau which represents a number of celebrities who also can be hired to do public speaking, had exposed thousands of speaking contracts via an unsecured Amazon cloud instance.

The contracts laid out how much each speaker makes per event, details about their travel arrangements, and any requirements or obligations stated in advance by both parties to the contract. No secret access or password was needed to view the documents.

It was a juicy find to be sure: I can now tell you how much Oprah makes per event (it’s a lot). Ditto for Gwyneth Paltrow, Olivia Newton John, Michael J. Fox and a host of others. But I’m not going to do that.

Firstly, it’s nobody’s business what they make. More to the point, All American also is my speaker bureau, and included in the cache of documents the company exposed in the cloud were some of my speaking contracts. In fact, when Troia called about his find, I was on my way home from one such engagement.

I quickly informed my contact at All American and asked them to let me know the moment they confirmed the data was removed from the Internet. While awaiting that confirmation, my pent-up frustration seeped into a tweet that seemed to touch a raw nerve among others in the security industry.

The same day I alerted them, All American took down its bucket of unsecured speaker contract data, and apologized profusely for the oversight (although I have yet to hear a good explanation as to why this data needed to be stored in the cloud to begin with).

This was hardly the first time Troia had alerted me about a huge cache of important or sensitive data that companies have left exposed online. On Monday, TechCrunch broke the story about a “breach” at Apollo, a sales engagement startup boasting a database of more than 200 million contact records. Calling it a breach seems a bit of a stretch; it probably would be more accurate to describe the incident as a data leak.

Just like my speaker bureau, Apollo had simply put all this data up on an Amazon server that anyone on the Internet could access without providing a password. And Troia was again the one who figured out that the data had been leaked by Apollo — the result of an intensive, months-long process that took some extremely interesting twists and turns.

That journey — which I will endeavor to describe here — offered some uncomfortable insights into how organizations frequently learn about data leaks these days, and indeed whether they derive any lasting security lessons from the experience at all. It also gave me a new appreciation for how difficult it can be for organizations that screw up this way to tell the difference between a security researcher and a bad guy.

THE DARK OVERLORD

I began hearing from Troia almost daily beginning in mid-2017. At the time, he was on something of a personal mission to discover the real-life identity behind The Dark Overlord (TDO), the pseudonym used by an individual or group of criminals who have been extorting dozens of companies — particularly healthcare providers — after hacking into their systems and stealing sensitive data.

The Dark Overlord’s method was roughly the same in each attack. Gain access to sensitive data (often by purchasing access through crimeware-as-a-service offerings), and send a long, rambling ransom note to the victim organization demanding tens of thousands of dollars in Bitcoin for the safe return of said data.

Victims were typically told that if they refused to pay, the stolen data would be sold to cybercriminals lurking on Dark Web forums. Worse yet, TDO also promised to make sure the news media knew that victim organizations were more interested in keeping the breach private than in securing the privacy of their customers or patients.

In fact, the apparent ringleader of TDO reached out to KrebsOnSecurity in May 2016 with a remarkable offer. Using the nickname “Arnie,” the public voice of TDO said he was offering exclusive access to news about their latest extortion targets.

Snippets from a long email conversation in May 2016 with a hacker who introduced himself as Adam but would later share his nickname as “Arnie” and disclose that he was a member of The Dark Overlord. In this conversation, he is offering to sell access to scoops about data breaches that he caused.

Arnie claimed he was an administrator or key member on several top Dark Web forums, and provided a handful of convincing clues to back up his claim. He told me he had real-time access to dozens of healthcare organizations they’d hacked into, and that each one which refused to give in to TDO’s extortion demands could turn into a juicy scoop for KrebsOnSecurity.

Arnie said he was coming to me first with the offer, but that he was planning to approach other journalists and news outlets if I declined. I balked after discovering that Arnie wasn’t offering this access for free: He wanted 10 bitcoin in exchange for exclusivity (at the time, his asking price was roughly equivalent to USD $5,000).

Perhaps other news outlets are accustomed to paying for scoops, but that is not something I would ever consider. And in any case the whole thing was starting to smell like a shakedown or scam. I declined the offer. It’s possible other news outlets or journalists did not; I will not speculate on this matter further, other than to say readers can draw their own conclusions based on the timeline and the public record.

WHO IS SOUNDCARD?

Fast-forward to September 2017, and Troia was contacting me almost daily to share tidbits of research into email addresses, phone numbers and other bits of data apparently tied to TDO’s communications with victims and their various identities on Dark Web forums.

His research was exhaustive and occasionally impressive, and for a while I caught the TDO bug and became engaged in a concurrent effort to learn the identities of the TDO members. For better or worse, the results of that research will have to wait for another story and another time.

At one point, Troia told me he’d gained acceptance on the Dark Web forum Kickass, using the hacker nickname “Soundcard“. He said he believed a presence on all of the forums TDO was active on was necessary for figuring out once and for all who was behind this brazen and very busy extortion group.

Here is a screen shot Troia shared with me of Soundcard’s posting there, which concerned a July 2018 forum discussion thread about a data leak of 340 million records from Florida-based marketing firm Exactis. As detailed by Wired.com in June 2018, Troia had discovered this huge cache of data unprotected and sitting wide open on a cloud server, and ultimately traced it back to Exactis.

Vinny Troia, a.k.a. “Soundcard” on the Dark Web forum Kickass.

After several weeks of comparing notes about TDO with Troia, I learned that he was telling random people that we were “working together,” and that he was throwing my name around to various security industry sources and friends as a way of gaining access to new sources of data.

I respectfully told Troia that this was not okay — that I never told people about our private conversations (or indeed that we spoke at all) — and I asked him to stop doing that. He apologized, said he didn’t understand he’d overstepped certain boundaries, and that it would never happen again.

But it would. Multiple times. Here’s one time that really stood out for me. Earlier this summer, Troia sent me a link to a database of truly staggering size — nearly 10 terabytes of data — that someone had left open to anyone via a cloud instance. Again, no authentication or password was needed to access the information.

At first glance, it appeared to be LinkedIn profile data. Working off that assumption, I began a hard target search of the database for specific LinkedIn profiles of important people. I first used the Web to locate the public LinkedIn profile pages for nearly all of the CEOs of the world’s top 20 largest companies, and then searched those profile names in the database that Troia had discovered.

Suddenly, I had the cell phone numbers, addresses, email addresses and other contact data for some of the most powerful people in the world. Immediately, I reached out to contacts at LinkedIn and Microsoft (which bought LinkedIn in 2016) and arranged a call to discuss the findings.

LinkedIn’s security team told me the data I was looking at was in fact an amalgamation of information scraped from LinkedIn and dozens of public sources, and being sold by the same firm that was doing the scraping and profile collating. LinkedIn declined to name that company, and it has not yet responded to follow-up questions about whether the company it was referring to was Apollo.

Sure enough, a closer inspection of the database revealed the presence of other public data sources, including startup web site AngelList, Facebook, Salesforce, Twitter, and Yelp, among others.

Several other trusted sources I approached with samples of data spliced from the nearly 10 TB trove of data Troia found in the cloud said they believed LinkedIn’s explanation, and that the data appeared to have been scraped off the public Internet from a variety of sources and combined into a single database.

I told Troia it didn’t look like the data came exclusively from LinkedIn, or at least wasn’t stolen from them, and that all indications suggested it was a collection of data scraped from public profiles. He seemed unconvinced.

Several days after my second call with LinkedIn’s security team — around Aug. 15 — I was made aware of a sales posting on the Kickass crime forum by someone selling what they claimed was “all of the LinkedIN user-base.” The ad, a blurry, partial screenshot of which can be seen below, was posted by the Kickass user Soundcard. The text of the sales thread was as follows:

Soundcard, a.k.a. Troia, offering to sell what he claimed was all of LinkedIn’s user data, on the Dark Web forum Kickass.

“KA users –

I present you with exclusive opportunity to purchase all (yes ALL) of the LinkedIN user-base for the low low price of 2 BTC.

I found a database server with all LinkedIN users. All of user’s personal information is included in this database (including private email and phone number NOT listed on public profile). No passwords, sorry.

Size: 2.1TB.

user count: 212 million

Why so large for 212 million users? See the sample data per record. There is lot of marketing and CRM data as well. I sell original data only. no editz.

Here is index of server. The LinkedIN users spread across people and contacts indexes. Sale includes both of those indexes.

Questions, comments, purchase? DM me, or message me – soundcard@exploit[.]im

The “sample data” included in the sales thread was from my records in this huge database, although Soundcard said he had sanitized certain data elements from this snippet. He explained his reasoning for that in a short Q&A from his sales thread:

Question 1: Why you sanitize Brian Krebs’ information in sample?

Answer 1: Because nothing in life free. This only to show i have data.

I soon confronted Troia not only for offering to sell leaked data on the Dark Web, but also for once again throwing my name around in his various activities — despite past assurances that he would not. Also, his actions had boxed me into a corner: Any plans I had to credit him in a story for eventually helping to determine the source of the leaked data (which we now know to be Apollo) became more complicated without also explaining his Dark Web alter ego as Soundcard, and I am not in the habit of omitting such important details from stories.

Troia assured me that he never had any intention of selling the data, and that the whole thing had been a ruse to help smoke out some of the suspected TDO members.

For its part, LinkedIn’s security team was not amused, and published a short post to its media page denying that the company had suffered a security breach.

“We want our members to know that a recent claim of a LinkedIn data breach is not accurate,” the company wrote. “Our investigation into this claim found that a third-party sales intelligence company that is not associated with LinkedIn was compromised and exposed a large set of data aggregated from a number of social networks, websites, and the company’s own customers. It also included a limited set of publicly available data about LinkedIn members, such as profile URL, industry and number of connections. This was not a breach of LinkedIn.”

It is quite a fine line to walk when self-styled security researchers mimic cyber criminals in the name of making things more secure. On the one hand, reaching out to companies that are inadvertently exposing sensitive data and getting them to secure it or pull it offline altogether is a worthwhile and often thankless effort, and clearly many organizations still need a lot of help in this regard.

On the other hand, most organizations that fit this description simply lack the security maturity to tell the difference between someone trying to make the Internet a safer place and someone trying to sell them a product or service.

As a result, victim organizations tend to react with deep suspicion or even hostility to legitimate researchers and security journalists who alert them about a data breach or leak. And stunts like the ones described above tend to have the effect of deepening that suspicion, and sowing fear, uncertainty and doubt about the security industry as a whole.

from Technology News https://krebsonsecurity.com/2018/10/when-security-researchers-pose-as-cybercrooks-who-can-tell-the-difference/

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iamnotthedog · 7 years ago

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EUGENE TO ARCATA: AUGUST 12-13, 2001

When I got to Eugene, Oregon, after only about four hours of driving, I was already sick of the interstate. I didn’t want to take the truck up over about seventy miles an hour for fear that it would fall apart, so driving on the interstate was not only boring, but pointless. I gassed up at a Shell Station on 7th Avenue in Eugene, then decided to head west to Florence and take the 101 south along the rugged Oregon coast.

Headed south from Florence, you can smell the ocean—you can even hear it off to your left, beyond the trees—but you can’t see it. A dense forest surrounds you for miles—a forest so dark that you can’t see anything inside it beyond the first twenty yards or so. I passed a few logging trucks—dozens of logs tethered to the beds, dreary-eyed men in dirty shirts and baseball caps behind the steering wheels. Just north of Reedsport, the forest opened up into a series of lakes, then I crossed the mouth of the Umpqua River and was back in the woods all the down to the Coos River and Coos Bay, when the 101 took me inland for a stretch until I got all the way down to Port Orford, when I got my first view of the Pacific. South of Port Orford, the drive alternated between views of flat, sandy beaches and dense forests all the way down to California.

So much for an afternoon spent driving along the rugged Oregon coast.

Driving into California, I had this strange sense of being home. It was my first time ever feeling like that about anywhere since leaving Morrison. I stopped in the small harbor town of Crescent City—it would seem just from passing through that almost half of the town’s population is inmates at Pelican Bay State Prison. I bought a cup of coffee from a very small espresso shop in a very large parking lot next to what looked like a warehouse of some kind—possibly a storage facility for boats in repair. Then I spent the late afternoon hours driving slowly down the Newton B. Drury Scenic Parkway and the 101 as they twisted through Redwood National and State Parks.1

At a paved pull-out for the Big Tree Wayside—a 304 foot-tall and 21 foot-wide coastal redwood just off the Scenic Parkway in Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park, I noticed a bathroom with closable doors and decided to stop and freshen up. The sky looked like rain, and I was going to have to find somewhere to stay that night or I’d be stuck sleeping in the cab of the truck again, so I wanted to make myself look presentable. My new sweater, jacket, and jeans were holding up fine, but I needed to change my t-shirt, and I still wanted to use those clippers I bought to shave the hair off my head.

I pulled the truck up alongside the bathroom, cut the engine, and yanked my pack out from behind the passenger seat. I took out my Buddhist Bible, an envelope with $186 dollars left in it, a small black bag of toiletries, eleven pairs of brand new wool socks, my underwear, a few old t-shirts, and my sleeping bag. In the bottom of the pack were my clippers. And that was everything.

I folded the envelope of cash and stuck it in my jeans pocket, grabbed the clippers, and got out of the truck. There was only one other vehicle in the parking lot—an aqua marine minivan with Oregon plates and a Clinton/Gore ’96 sticker on the bumper. No one was in the minivan as far as I could tell—they were probably off down the trail, looking at the Big Tree Wayside.

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

There was one outlet in the bathroom, just below a small mirror above the sink. I took off my jacket, sweater, and t-shirt and draped them over the door to the stall, then plugged in the clippers and turned ‘em on. They worked, but rattled a bit, so I took out the little bottle of oil that came with the set, bit off the tip, and oiled ‘em down. While waiting for the oil to get down in there, I looked at myself in the scratched up mirror.

I had been growing my hair since Don had shaved it all off for me in our kitchen on Wall Street one late summer evening before entering my sophomore year of high school. I had grown out of the grunge look by then, and had unfortunately chosen to go with the short and spiky, bleached blonde look instead—a look that luckily didn’t last long, as my newfound love for marijuana soon had my personal aesthetic choices steered more towards the pseudo-intellectual hippies and au naturel styles of the late 1960s and early ‘70s. So basically, I had long hair. Then short regular hair. Then short “styled” hair. Then regular hair. And back to long hair. All of which is terribly boring, I know, but the fact that I hadn’t cut my hair since Don shaved it all off when I was still in high school and living under his roof meant something to me as I stood there in that cold bathroom in the middle of an old-growth redwood forest on the fog-drenched North Coast of California, completely alone and shirtless with $186 dollars in my pocket, an oily, buzzing set of electric clippers in my right hand, and a truck put together from pieces from a junkyard somewhere up in Washington waiting for me outside the heavy brown metal door.

I grabbed some toilet paper from the stall and wiped the excess oil off the clippers, then snapped a #2 extension on the blade—which would cut my hair down to a quarter-inch in length—and made the first pass right down the middle of my head. A good foot of thin blonde hair fell into the dirty porcelain sink in front of me. I moved the clippers to the right and swiped again, then again, and worked my way down to my right ear, then started swiping up the back, which I couldn’t see. I had to rely on touch, pushing the clippers up my head with my right hand, and following with the palm of my left. After several minutes, when almost all of my hair was in the sink and I was working back around the left side of my head, getting all the last hairs I had missed, someone pounded on the door and I about jumped out of my skin.

“Hello?” I yelled, brushing hair from my face. “It’s unlocked!”

A tiny little man in a pastel overcoat with glasses as big as the entire upper half of his face pushed open the heavy door about a foot and peeked at me. I smiled at him. “Odd place to give yourself a haircut!” he said. “Mind if I come in to have a wee?”

“Not at all,” I said, turning my attention back to my work. The man came in the bathroom and went into one of he stalls to blow his nose. Satisfied with the evenness of all my now-quarter-inch-long hair, I popped the extension of the end of the clippers and began using the bare blade to clean up the edges, just over my ears and then in the back, which I again had to rely on touch in order to do. “I’m sorry about all this,” I said to the little man. “I had to do it.”

“Well, you’re looking good!” he said, exiting his stall. Sidling up to the urinal on my left, I noticed his overcoat was soaked.

“Did it start raining out there?” I asked.

“No, no,” he said. “I got wet rambling around in the forest.”

I turned off the clippers, blew the hair off them, and put them back in their plastic box, then turned my attention to getting all the hair out of the sink and into the garbage can. I grabbed a handful of paper towels from the dispenser next to the sink.

“These are some beautiful woods,” I said.

“Sure are. Have you and your friend been out hiking today?” The little man finished pissing, zipped up, and started washing his hands in the sink next to mine.

“I’m out here alone,” I said. “On my way down to Yosemite.”

He shot me a quizzical look. “Isn’t that your truck parked right outside?”

I threw a wad of paper towels and hair into the garbage can. “Yes.”

“Well, buddy, there IS or WAS most definitely someone in your truck not two minutes ago.”

Without thinking twice about it, I burst shirtless from the bathroom into the parking lot. My eyes scanned over first the truck, then the foggy redwood forest surrounding the lot. No one was in the truck, but the passenger door was wide open. As I approached it, I saw my Buddhist Bible, my toiletries, my socks, my underwear, and my t-shirts on the seat. My pack was no longer there. Nor was my sleeping bag. Quickly scanning the periphery of the parking lot, I saw a short, long-haired figure in baggy clothes—various shades of green and brown—slinking into the trees by the exit to the parkway. Leaving my jacket, sweater, t-shirt, clippers, and hair in the bathroom and my open truck in the parking lot, I took off like a madman into the woods. The long-haired figure took off as well.

I quit playing basketball—and all other sports, for that matter—once I started smoking weed and playing in a rock band in high school. I decided that I didn’t have time for sports—that it was a good idea to focus all my energy on learning how to roll perfect cone-shaped joints and playing seventh chords on a goddamned acoustic guitar with flames painted all over it instead. After my buddies and I got busted, though—and after Don took the apartment away and the band broke up—I began to miss the camaraderie offered by organized sports, and I had decided to join the track team. And when I had joined the track team, I had immediately regretted not running track for my entire junior high and high school career, because—despite smoking at least six unshared joints a day—I was a very good runner—far better than I had ever been at basketball.

My point is that when I want to be, I am pretty fast. So it wasn’t long after I took off through that parking lot and tore through the ferns—sprinting shirtless through the wet fog, under the dense forest of Douglas fir and Sitka Spruce and Western Hemlock, the Newton B. Drury Scenic Parkway on my right—that I started to gain on the long-haired thief, who I could by then see very clearly. He was a young man with not-very-well-kept dreadlocks—like thick, moldy rat tails on his head—and he was wearing a green hoodie and khaki-colored cargo shorts, with long brown socks pulled up to his knees and tall black boots laced up over his ankles. He had a dark red pack of his own tethered securely to his back with a grey bedroll tied to it, and my sleeping bag and pack were tucked under his right arm. He jumped and sprinted and skipped and twisted out of the underbrush, bursting out onto the parkway to the right, where I could then hear his footsteps on the pavement as I plowed forward through the forest, hoping to catch up to him while I was still under the cover of the trees, where he couldn’t see me until I burst out of the woods and...what the hell was I going to do then? I was hardly a fighter. I had only been in one fight ever, actually—back in high school—and that had ended pretty badly. So I just pictured myself throwing a flying tackle at the kid, just like a cop tackling a bad guy in one of those network television crime shows I currently watch but never want to admit to watching, and then he would drop my shit and run away. Easy, right?

The kid slowed and turned to look for me, so I cut back deeper into the woods, sprinting faster now, jumping over fallen, moss-covered logs and piles of dense ferns, and then I cut out onto a narrow dirt road and turned hard to the right, sprinting as fast as I could, knowing that if I beat him to the intersection of whatever service road I was on and the Newton B. Drury Scenic Parkway, I could either throw that flying tackle at him that I was thinking so hard about—really getting excited about, actually—or I could at least force him back into the woods to slow him down and catch him there.

When I got back out to the parkway, though, sopping wet and breathing heavily, the thief was nowhere to be seen. I was turning around in circles looking for him, completely exasperated, when the aqua marine minivan with Oregon plates and a Clinton/Gore ’96 bumper sticker came around the bend and pulled up to me, driven by the little bespectacled man from the bathroom. He rolled down his driver’s side window.

I decided to stop for the night and check it out for myself.

As the last few colors disappeared into the coastal night sky, I walked into a large grocery store on the western side of town called the North Coast Co-op and bought some bulk food—nuts and dried fruit and sesame sticks and chocolate—and I got an apple and a bag of carrots from the piles of colorful organic produce lining the northern half of the store. While waiting in a rather long checkout line, I surveyed my surroundings and actually ended up getting a little weirded out. Literally everyone around me—the apron-clad employees conversing loudly behind the customer service counter, the old woman in a sweat suit one check-out line over, the pimple-faced kid in a trucker cap rummaging through the empty cardboard boxes at the front of the store, the family of four picking through the produce in their cart (the father discussing whether or not they should put back the organic unfiltered apple juice and get a bag of apples instead), the aromatic geezer wobbling around in front of me in line with his one gigantic dreadlock coming off the back of his head—everyone had a certain feel to them. A certain “Summer of Love” kind of feel. They weren’t all wearing bellbottoms with flowers in their hair or anything, but they were all definitely red-eyed, all spacey and slow-moving, and they all had a tendency to stare at one other, or off into space, with faint smiles on their faces.2

When I got up to the front of the line, the girl at the counter who rang me up smiled at me and asked if anyone had ever told me I looked like Justin Timberlake.

“I haven’t heard that one,” I said, smiling back.

I paid and got the hell out of there, then ate my snacks in the Co-op parking lot, watching the hippies leave with their groceries. After I ate, I left my truck in the lot and went for a stroll around the Arcata Plaza. The plaza is a quaint, grassy square surrounded by local businesses—gift shops, art galleries, a photography store, a furniture store, some restaurants, some clothing stores and boutiques, an ice cream shop, a record shop. The square had several young people lounging around in it, smoking cigarettes and playing with dogs. The majority of them looked like homeless-by-choice types, and had the backpacks and panhandling signs to go along with that assumption. I saw several white kids with dreadlocks and knit Rastafarian hats, and I smelled a lot of dog shit. The grassy square also had a statue of President McKinley in the middle of it, and someone had put a paper bag over McKinley’s head.3

After walking around for an hour, I got a beer in one of four bars lining one side of the square, and asked the bartender where I should go to take a load off. She was Indian, with huge eyes, long, wavy black hair, and big hand-carved wooden earrings in her ears. Her skin was literally glowing in the dim bar light. I told her I had been driving for days. She suggested I go to the Finnish Country Sauna and Tubs—a café that apparently had a courtyard in back surrounded by little shacks with hot tubs and saunas in them.

“People fuck in the tubs a lot, which is gross,” she said. “You’re sitting there trying to relax, but you’re too busy looking for little drops of semen in the bubbles the whole time.” She stuck her tongue out. “But get a sauna! It’s well worth ten bucks. It’ll clean you out.”

“I could use a good cleaning out,” I said, sipping my beer. I leaned back and rubbed my hands over my newly shaven head. I thought about the checkout girl and laughed to myself. There weren’t many people in the bar—only about a dozen, including the bartender—but I was relieved to find that not everyone looked as spaced out as those nut jobs in the grocery store. The bartender washed a few glasses, then leaned on the bar rail and peered back into the back room, where a couple of older fellas in armless denim jackets were starting a game of pool. “Where should I sleep?” I asked. “I’d rather not spend money on a hotel.”

She smiled. “Sleep anywhere!” she said. “Seriously. The homeless basically run this town anyway. We have a homeless guy on our City Council.”4

She bought me a shot of Jameson and I thanked her, then went back to the Co-op, got my truck, and drove it three blocks to the Finnish Country Sauna and Tubs. I sat in a sauna for a half hour, took a cold shower, bought a cup of hot tea, and then drove to the Arcata Marsh and Bird Sanctuary, another three or four blocks away, where I slept in the cab of the truck, right next to a sign that said “No Overnight Parking.”

The following morning, I awoke to a blue sunrise and went on a short walk through the marsh to look at all the birds, finding their breakfast in the mud flats that had been exposed by the early morning low tide. Then I left Arcata, due east on Highway 299, through the Trinity National Forest and back out to Interstate 5.

The Redwood National and State Parks—comprised of Redwood National Park and California’s Del Norte Coast, Jedediah Smith, and Prairie Creek Redwoods State Parks—protect some 133,000 acres of eerie and majestic coastal redwood forest, which include almost 40,000 acres of old-growth redwoods—the tallest and one of the most massive trees on Earth. Along with the redwoods, the forest is also home to Douglas fir, Sitka Spruce, Pacific Madrone, Bigleaf Maple, California laurel, the evergreen hardwood tanoak, and red alder. Ferns cover the understory of most of the forest, particularly the sword fern near ample water sources. And huckleberry, blackberry, and salmonberry provide food for many animal species, and were also a major part of the diet for the Yurok, Tolowa, Karok, Chilula, and Wiyot tribes who first inhabited the area, and the European settlers who moved in much later. ↩︎

I know I’m sounding like a real dick here—like I’m some overly-generalizing Yankee, and there’s no way everyone in the goddamned grocery store was not only high, but also weird (etcetera, etcetera)—but I’m telling you, it really seemed that way. I tried to tell myself that it was just me—that I needed to loosen up a little—but I honestly felt like I was grocery shopping with the Manson Family. ↩︎

The reason why there is a statue of the 25th President of the United States in the center of the Arcata Plaza is a reason all-too-fitting for such a bizarre town—a town that McKinley not only had nothing to do with, but also never even visited—not once. The reason? The statue was a gift. And that is all. The statue had been commissioned by 81-year-old George Zehndner in San Francisco in 1905, and sculpted by a young man named Patigian. It had survived the Great San Francisco Earthquake of 1906 before being shipped by steamboat away from the burning wreckage of San Francisco Bay and up to the port of Eureka. Zehnder than gifted it to Arcata, where it has stood for over a century, causing both tourists and residents of the peaceful little hippie town alike to ask, “Why is McKinley here, again?” ↩︎

This seemed so crazy to me that I later looked it up. Arcata didn’t have an actual homeless person on their City Council. They have, however, had former homeless people, which I suppose is close enough. It makes sense, too: the homeless people hanging around Eureka, Arcata, and the verious beaches and harbor towns north of Arcata make up a fairly large portion of the Humboldt County population, and they have for the greater part of the last fifty years. I’m not actually sure if this is or has been proven, but it is the opinion of several Arcata residents that the first big influx of homeless to the area came after the Vietnam War, and the second came after the death of Jerry Garcia and subsequent disbanding of the Grateful Dead in 1995. ↩︎

#eugene #oregon #california #redwoodnationalpark #bigtreewayside #billclinton #algore #hair #theft #pacificocean #arcata #humboldtcounty #northcoastcoop #mansonfamily #hippies #presidentmckinley

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ask-dsminecraft · 7 years ago

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Ramblings From An Alpaca Farm In South Wiltshire: March 2017

The quality is improving across the board and there is not rather a lot between the perfect and the remaining. That gave me heart. I have seemed again at the Mighty show group and i still think they are good. One other month of fleece growth, completely different conditions and who is aware of, we all understand how a lot alpacas can change as they undergo the present season. We have not thrown the towel in yet, we shall be again. We are, in any case, mighty! On a optimistic notice we had a splendid time in good company all weekend, looked at a great deal of alpacas and met and talked to some very nice folks. Not solely that however we restocked with some quite splendid socks. I bought crimson ones, nice. So with a smile on my face a skip in my step and joy in my heart I publish some photographs of the occasion for the good thing about anyone who reads this. As Sue was having fun with herself in the ring I had free rein to wander about with the camera. As of 1998, imported alpacas can no longer be registered with the Alpaca Registry Inc. Whereas ostensibly one can nonetheless import alpacas, issues over foot-and-mouth disease have, for the most part, closed off the United States from new imports. Additionally, buyers within the alpaca market are strongly inspired to work strictly with registered animals solely. All of this, mixed with the truth that alpacas have just one cria per yr, implies that the growth charge is ready. A typical entry into the enterprise of alpaca breeding goes one thing like this: A breeder new to the business prepares his farm (fencing, shelters, feed, et cetera) and purchases his herd of alpacas—usually concentrating his initial funding on bred females. Each bred feminine produces a cria within a 12 months. About half of the offspring will probably be female, half Alpaca Stud Males males. A few of the feminine offspring can be bought, the remainder stored to reinforce the breeding herd.

We wanted to carefully choose what exhibits we can be attending. It is difficult this time of 12 months as a result of Noah has Ski Competitions most weekends via mid April. It not solely costs cash to indicate, however prices cash for transportation, meals and lodging for the weekend. Fortunately now we have worked out a reasonably good system with our pals at Oak Haven Alpacas where we take each other's alpacas to show, whereas the other farm stays dwelling and farm sits. This way, we have an alpaca sitter and we save cash on splitting pen prices, and not paying for transportation, lodging and food for every present. This spring, Noah and that i determined to show animals in 2 reveals. On March 12-14, we will probably be sending Jolie Rouge, Paisley, d'Artagnan and Riphaeus with the Strays of Oak Haven Alpacas to the Best of the US Alpaca Present in Columbus, OH. This can be a degree IV present, meaning will probably be fairly massive and have a number of hundred alpacas in attendance. Cinderella is a fantastic grey feminine that we offered to a farm in Florida last yr. She is boarding at our farm although and we now have anxiously been ready for her cria. Final year, she had a stupendous true black little woman named Ashton Stones Little Miss Rosco who now lives at Oak Haven Alpacas. Rosco was the first cria we had missed being born on our farm as of last 12 months. Cinderella decided to have her very early within the morning, most likely around 4am or 5am on a dreary morning after a rainstorm. Rosco was wet and chilly when we found her at 7:30am and we had to blow dry her to warm her up. Needless to say, I was decided to see Cinderella give beginning this 12 months. Yesterday morning, Noah and that i have been dashing around packing our automobile up because we had deliberate to spend the whole day with family out of city. My brother and sister-in-regulation were in city for 2 days from North Carolina for my child shower and Noah's brother and sister-in-legislation have been in city from Indiana for my baby shower and our nieces second birthday. Anyway, we had a full day planned.

This publish is a Care2 Favourite. It was initially revealed on August 12, 2013. Take pleasure in. In the United States alone, more than 8.5 billion chickens are killed yearly. These numbers are fairly crazy, right? Chickens slurp grass like spaghetti. When living in their natural atmosphere, chickens will spend the day foraging for bugs and slurping down fresh blades of grass. Chickens LOVE dust baths. Chickens have advanced communication with particular meanings. Chickens prefer to play. When given enough area, chickens will run, soar and even sunbathe. Sadly, around 95 percent of chickens raised in the U.S. Chickens discuss to their unborn infants. In a natural setting, a mother hen will cluck to her chicks earlier than they've even hatched. The chicks will respond by chirping to her and to one another by their shells. In manufacturing unit farms, a chick won't ever get to fulfill his or her dad and mom as a result of they're taken away as quickly as they are laid and placed in massive incubators. Chicken Coop Kits - How to build Your personal Hen Coop Using a DIY Hen Coop Equipment! Writer: Jim Knight There are lots of DIY rooster coop kits on-line, however not all of them are actually effective. Choose the right location: you need to choose an space the place it will obtain a great amount of sunlight and it ought to high sufficient to permit it to dry easily, each time it rains. Also choose a spot the place your flock might be protected from predators, akin to foxes, cats, hawks and coyotes. Publisher: Edgar Roger The most effective kinds of homes to have are the cheap chicken coops. The entire coops you'll find in outlet stores are excessive-priced, because you might be furthermore investing in the labor expense of constructing just one. Actually, you possibly can acquire a rooster coop that could be below 100 bucks, and subsequently the one requirement you should have is definitely resourcefulness. Publisher: Kadirvelu Senthilkumar Constructing your individual rooster coop may be very straightforward, but offering consolation to your chicken ought to be your precedence. You must take utmost care to examine the construction plans before beginning to construct a chicken coop. With the following pointers and helpful pointers, you possibly can always make hen coops which can be extra productive and comfy.

More importantly, you may guarantee they are going to be safe and secure from predators and Fort Knox will don't have anything on your security measures for certain. There are some fairly cool hints and suggestions all available at the touch of a button especially in relation to providing any type of dwelling to your chickens, loads of ideas for you to access actually easily. I feel that it's pretty superb to be able to do this and use all of it to your greatest benefit. You really don't need anything fancy to maintain your chickens wholesome and pleased in their environment. They won't necessarily appreciate all of the decorative bits and pieces that generally accompany one thing readymade but, they will nonetheless admire ample ventilation in the summer and heating within the winter. Also you can see that ramps and walkways can be used no end, they appear to love them. She was advancing on me and i needed to take evasive motion as the greenness descended upon me. I have never seen so much spit. Even out of the way and away from Samson she continued to advance and the spit continued to movement. As soon as again I had to use bodily force to defend myself and get her away from me. I don't assume she was going to do anything else, she had ample alternative when my again was to her firstly of this episode however nevertheless it certainly received the adrenalin flowing. Finally, and I'm not pleased with this I threw a bucket of water at her after which the bucket. Throughout the episode and again I am not pleased with this I used to be shouting obscenities at her, a lot in order that I have nearly misplaced my voice. I do know, not large or intelligent or certainly helpful but there we go. It has given me trigger to think about what her way of thinking was at the time. She was clearly of the opinion (do alpacas have opinions?) that I used to be going to eat her cria and then eat her, and I am not joking. I should have thought extra about how I dealt together with her, I should have been more on the ball, I ought to have stuck to the routine that I used to be using beforehand.

In most commercial poultry farms, the chickens usually are not really "free vary". As a result of the dimensions of the flock, the chickens are often enclosed in an space that provides solely a small amount of house for roaming around. In order for you to raise purely natural chickens, the very first thing that you need to do is to practice the free ranging model of poultry farming. Permit the chickens to roam around and don't coop them up inside a wire mesh cage for the rest of their lives. The flock could be trained not to stray too removed from the coop so you shouldn't have to fret about their whereabouts. You simply should be sure that the environment the place you need to maintain them is protected from predators. In case you are simply beginning out your own natural rooster farming out of your backyard, it's best to maintain them inside an enclosed space that has enough roaming house. Do that until the chickens are able to wander outside the fenced area, or as soon as you are certain about the safety of your fowls outside the neighborhood.

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lettersforyoulettersforme · 7 years ago

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August 2nd. Holy shit. Summer always does that thing where it’s basically gone the second it arrives. Like an orgasm. Or a long weekend trip with your boyfriend. Or the last train home.

I’m sitting in the Potter’s House with a fresh cup of coffee that smells divine. I feel like my sense of smell has developed more as of late? Like I can smell the flowers in my bedroom so strongly sometimes that I have to move them to a different spot because their pungency keeps me awake. Maybe it’s me… but it’s most likely cheap ass Trader Joe’s flowers. ANYWHO, the coffee is inticing after a late night after a long day. I worked from 8-4:30 and then came home to watch Grey’s and curl my hair. Basically unwind for a few hours because I deserve it. I have been super stressed as of late. Just with the whole Ai Elo situation and then finding the apartment and then moving and then finding new tenants to occupy the space. I just need a huge exhale and a massage. I honestly might book one for myself. I definitely need a pedicure at the very, very least. I feel like I have aged 10 years in the past 2 weeks. It has been so stressful and I hate that I’m letting it get to me. But honestly, who wouldn’t let all of this affect them?

I had a lovely acupuncture appointment on Monday with Wendi (since Jim is away). She’s an acupuncturist and a reki healer and I loved her energy. She was so open to my experiences and just wanted to help me heal from the trauma. I told her about my waking up in the middle of the night and she noted that I was being too vigilant. She didn’t say it in a condescending way, just as an observation. And I think she’s right. Just being vigilant and listening in my apartment in the night convinced that someone is there. She told me that I should invite warm spirits and warm, happy presences and energies into my bed before I sleep as a way to feel more comforted. I liked that idea and it worked last night. I did mention that whenever I’m sleeping with someone in the bed, I don’t feel scared or wake up mid- night. I just wish I could be that comforting presence for myself but not right now.

I feel like I haven’t seen Stephen in a hot second. He’s been crazy busy with work and I guess the last time I saw him was Sunday evening. He was doing invoices and we had dinner and Jess from work dropped off boxes. That sweet angel. I need this vacation with Hayley ASAP and I know that Stephen’s mini vacations are coming up soon. He needs them too. We’re both stressed with moving and Ai Elo was traumatic for him as well. It’s just been a lot. I hate that this whole thing is defining my summer but what can I do? Wendi and I were also talking about the way in which grief and inspiration are the same energy, just channeled in different ways. Or that’s the way it is in Chinese medicine. But I agree with that. Makes a shit ton of sense to me. She had me sit in a chair and feel the weight and support of the chair on my legs and back and butt. It was so Marcia of her and I realized how much I missed having someone there to literally walk me through a savasna (essentially). The whole session was glorious and it makes me miss Jim and wish that I could still have Wendi too. I just want all the acupuncture and all the holistic medicine my body can handle! Maybe Snee and I can find a santucuary or something or the sort in Portland. That seems like the place to find a little bit of peace.

But you know, this whole experience has, in the most cliche of ways, inspired me in my own life. Because my life is drenched with beauty! I have amazing friends and a wonderful boyfriend and a great home. I am happy to have known Ai Elo because as much as I didn’t want a roommate, I loved having her as a friend. She was a little bit much at times but I do feel like she made an impact. She has this gorgeous lamp in her room. It’s made from a branch she found in the woods. She widdled it down and there are tiny little bulbs wound around the lamp that have succulents and spanish moss and crystals inside them. The whole thing is STUNNING and I remember that it was one of the first things I knew about her- that she made her own furniture. I always thought that was cool as shit and she even brought home an old cabinet/ table thing once that she found and sanded it down. It’s still in the living room. Not as beautiful as the lamp but I would never just take something off of the street. That’s what I loved about Ai Elo, she just had this determination that seemingly random things could be something. One time her friend’s mother or grandmother died and she took some dried lavender and put it in a mini satchel and gave it to her friend. I thought that was the kindest and most generous thing. What a sweet and simple gift for someone who is hurting. I also just fucking love lavender.

I’m over here (sorry for the jumping around of thoughts. I’m midway between this post and looking into classes for the fall and texting people and googling thrift stores in Portland) but I’m also over here looking up all the fun things to do in Takoma! It looks so cute and I can’t wait to check it out further. They have this place to get your hair cut and I may pop in their sometime soon. After I buy all of my textbooks… kill me over that. I’m definitely renting them because it’s so much cheaper, but it’s still expensive. Speaking of which, I just got a jolt of excitement about school starting back! I really can’t wait. I’ve been so focused on the negative aspects like the stresses of moving and having no free time. But I really am truly excited to be back in school! I realize it’s such a gift and a privilege. I can’t wait to do more learning and reading. Ha we’ll see what I’m like 4 weeks into the semester, but I can dream and make grand gestures NOW.

I feel like sometimes I’m not enjoying and relishing in my life enough. Last night felt like me enjoying life a lot. I was with friends eating the most divine food (fucking T Bone steak with pine nuts and thyme and garlic cloves cooked on top and a Chilean Sea bass with a celergy root glaze and the most amazing chive and sour cream mashed potatoes. Glasses of gorgeous and delicious rose and breads and cheeses and pork belly. I’m still not over it and if Hayley comes back here, we’re going there ASAP. This restaurant is like the opposite of vegan friendly and I couldn’t be happier about it.) Also, I did karaoke last night! For the first time ever. I know, I know. I wish Hayley could have been a part of it. But now my fear is gone and I’m just loving it and seeing it for the fun that it is. I sang “Man I feel like a woman” and it’s just a fucking classic. We were there as the place was closing and I watched Tesia freak out so much about what song to chose and what was in her range. She really wanted to sound amazing and as fucking obvious as it sounds, that’s not the point of karaoke. But I thought that was the point/ that was my fear until last night. And then I suddenly realized how fun and freeing it is. I should just listen to Hayley more. First the tattoos and now the karaoke. This bitch knows what’s up.

Stephen and I sign the lease for our new apartment tomorrow. OUR apartment. I feel much less nervous that I felt like I would. It’s gonna be a test and I’m gonna give him his space and I know he’ll give me mine. I’m just excited to have something that it is purely ours.

Let’s see what else I can say… Just trying to find a place for Mom, Dad, Char and I to have dinner when they’re in town. It’s proving difficult (as always) to find a casual place that isn’t too expensive and it’s loud as shit so that my Dad can hear). Honestly, I may just do a Founding Farmers Restaurant. Not mine personally but one of our restaurants… get that discount, you know!

Alright, I’ve rambled on enough. As always, thankful for the outlet!

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